distractions
@softblesses inspired me to actually finish and post a w/hite co/llar fic
this is part 1, there will be 1 or 2 more, we shall see
enjoy!
“So now we think Gray is… Boss? You there?” Diana waved the file she was holding in front of Peter’s face, snapping his attention back to her.
“Huh? Sorry.” He tried to focus on her but his eyes flitted away again.
Diana sighed. “What’s on your mind?”
“It’s Neal.”
She sighed even harder. “Of course. You think he’s up to something?”
“Not sure, he’s definitely hiding something. But it’s strange, he doesn’t usually make it so obvious.”
“Obvious how?”
“He didn’t say anything during the meeting, kept his eyes down the whole time, and his posture was tense. And he keeps touching his temples.”
“So he has a headache. Maybe he’s hungover,” Diana offered, eager to get the conversation back on track.
“Maybe…” He dropped it, opening the file Diana handed him and giving his thoughts.
***
Over the next hour Peter’s brow furrowed more and more as he watched Neal disappear into the bathroom once, twice, three times. The third time he couldn’t take it anymore, he capped his pen and strode after his CI.
He stopped right outside the door, realizing he hadn’t really thought this plan through. He stood awkwardly for a moment, thinking about just leaving, but then an odd sound caught his attention.
“hkt! hmpt!”
It sounded almost like-
“hpTSschh!”
-sneezing. Ah. Suddenly everything started to make sense. Peter pushed the door open to find Neal in front of the sinks, crunching forward into a bundle of toilet paper with another mostly held in sneeze.
“huh’tSschh!”
His eyes cracked open then widened when he saw Peter in the mirror, and he whirled around to face the older man.
“I was just-“ He broke off into a couple of rough coughs.
“Oh,” Peter balked, “You’re just sick.”
Neal squinted. “…as opposed to what?”
“Scheming, sneaking, plotting.”
“Oh. Uh, no.”
That answer had Peter frowning. It was far from the snappy repartee he had come to expect from Neal Caffrey, and that unnerved him. He tried to move past it.
“You shouldn’t be here if you’re not well. I know you’re not exactly a traditional employee, but you can still call in sick.”
Neal looked off to the side, his expression cryptic.
“I’d rather work, keep busy.”
“Well I’d rather you didn’t make yourself worse and have us lose you for weeks instead of days,” Peter retorted. “Go home and get better.”
“But I don’t-“ He stopped abruptly and sighed. “Fine.”
He stalked past Peter and out the door.
For the rest of the day Peter was even more distracted than he had been when Neal was there. He couldn’t think of a time before now that he’d ever seen Neal sick. Was it that rare, or was he that good at hiding it? Either way, the fact that Peter had found him out this time concerned him. How bad was it? Did Neal even know how to take care of himself?
The questions kept swirling around his mind until ultimately he decided to leave the office early to check up on his CI. He gathered up a few files as a pretense and took off.
***
Peter knocked but didn’t bother waiting for a response, quietly letting himself in to the apartment. He sighed at the sight before him.
Neal was sat in front of his easel, clad in a white tank top and silky blue pajama pants. He held a paintbrush in one hand and a balled up tissue in the other. More tissues filled a waste bin at his feet, fitting well with the angry redness of his nose. He looked much worse for wear than when Peter had sent him home, which only made Peter feel more justified in his decision.
“You’re supposed to be resting,” Peter said calmly.
Neal’s dulled eyes blinked slowly. He sniffled, pinching the tissue he held over his nose then tossing it and pulling out a fresh one. His eyelids fluttered as his head tilted back then snapped forward into the tissue.
“huh’htzshooh!”
When his head rose back up, he found Peter still looking expectantly.
“I couldn’t sleep. Sometimes painting helps.” His voice came out strained and gravelly. He tried to clear his throat but it just made him cough.
Peter came around the other side of the easel and raised a brow at the small canvas covered in a flow of wobbly lines.
“It’s not your typical style,” he said, half-amused. Neal put on a sour face.
“Yeah, well, precision and detail aren’t exactly in the cards right now,” he grumbled, jerking a thumb at a canvas propped against the wall. It was the beginnings of a cityscape, but the straight clean outline of the tallest building suddenly swerved into a messy splotch halfway down.
“Let me guess, you sneezed?” Peter chuckled at the grumpy nod he got in response, picturing Neal dragging the brush down as the sneeze built, fighting to finish the paint stroke in time only to fail miserably. He’d have liked to have seen that.
“I get it. If it’s abstract, no one can tell if you mess it up.”
“Exactly.” Neal stared at him for a moment, looking somewhat dazed.
“Why are you here, Peter?”
“Oh! Well you said you wanted to work so-“
“huh’Tsschoo! *snf!* Sorry…”
“Gesundheit. If you were feeling better I brought some files that-“
“huh’pstchh! huH’TSSCHh!” He looked up from the tissue, expression meek.
Peter smirked. “Are you done?”
Neal nodded eagerly, then just as quickly shook his head, his eyes slamming shut as he bent forward again.
“huh’TSSCHT! huh’schooh! Ugh…” He groaned and remained slumped over, a few wet coughs joining the mess he’d made of the tissue and his hand.
When he finally raised his head back up, he looked so sick and miserable it hurt Peter’s heart. He closed the distance between them and clasped a hand over Neal’s shoulder, taking note of the unnatural heat he found there.
“Come on, you need to sleep.”
“I tried already,” Neal protested weakly even as he allowed Peter to tug him to standing and guide him to his bed. He obediently got under the covers and peered up at Peter hovering by his side.
“It’s kinda weird, you looming over me like that.”
“Scooch over.”
Neal’s brow furrowed but he obliged, brain too fuzzy to even guess at what Peter was doing.
The agent sat down on the edge of the bed, and Neal watched curiously as he toed off his dress shoes and swung a leg onto the mattress. There was a long beat of silence accented by Neal’s wet sniffles before Peter spoke.
“When El’s not feeling well…she likes when…when I…” He could feel himself blushing as he fought to find the words. “Just, tell me to stop if you don’t like it, okay?”
Before Neal could react, Peter’s fingers began dragging gently against his scalp, combing through his slightly greasy hair. Immediately a soft moan escaped him and his whole body relaxed by a degree. He turned his head so Peter could get to the other side, in the process smooshing his nose into the pillow. After a second his chest jumped, and he barely got a hand cupped over his nose in time to
“huh’ztsSH!”
The sneeze was small but messy, which Peter seemed to pick up on, his hand leaving Neal’s hair and returning with a tissue box. Neal plucked a few out, cleaning his hand and blowing his nose.
“Keep doing that…please,” Neal rasped, inching closer to Peter’s broad, warm body.
Peter obliged, tracing around his ear to the back of his head in long, slow strokes. He felt the moment Neal fully fell asleep, his body going totally limp and his breathing slow with a drag of congestion.
Peter smiled softly and eased his phone from his pocket, shooting a text to Elizabeth that he would be late coming home.
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I’m turning 24 in a week! 🥳 I have a secret though. 😆 I’ve been calling myself 24 ever since the year started. Minsan nga nakakalimutan ko nang 23 pa lang pala ako. 😅 I’m thinking about it being more like a mindset than a couple of numbers, do yunno what I mean? xD
So how do I feel about turning 24? Do I have to feel something? I think so. Do I have to make a big deal out of it and put it on writing? YUP! 😂 It’s not every year that I turn 24 in mind, spirit, and actual age. Lol.
I actually like it, turning 24. I feel like I’ve been presented to a whole new sense of responsibility and accountability. Weird feeling, but it’s here within. I feel like this is another start. In many ways, it sure is another start. Haha. But aside from them all, I do hope that it’s a new beginning of someone that I am. I can already feel that I’m leaving someone that I used to behind. I’m not gonna forget her, I’m just leaving her here, there, somewhere that she should be left in. I won’t forget her, though. I’ll always be thankful to the versions of me, even when I’m not always proud of how I acted and reacted sometimes.
I’m glad to be growing. And I’m most certainly happy to grow more. If growth entails pain and failure and more self-blaming, I wouldn’t mind. Self-awareness will always be my priority. I know I should be careful and be more wise when it comes to knowing myself, and I can only hope and pray for me to be ready. Sometimes, it could lead to self-sabotage, and I don’t want that.
I know. I’m aware that I only have a year left before I reach the point of complete development in some parts of my brain. I’m about to be an adult with a fully developed frontal lobe. 😂 Kaya mas uunahin ko talaga ang pagkilala sa sarili ko and all my traumas, my demons, my pet peeves, and more before I explore out there. And, oh!!! I’m also working on myself sa lover girl concept. HAHAHAHAHAHA. And aspect? Jeez, this is funny. I have to quit thinking ill of having to share my freedom with someone else. Huhu. I’ll get there. 😂 At least I started while I was 23, right? I’m trying to have an open mind about relationships and whatnots. Phew!
Thanks to the books that I’m reading, I’m finally getting comfortable about the idea of having a boyfriend. 😣 Getting pa lang, ha. I’m not there yet. Wew! 😮💨 KASI IT WILL ALWAYS BE WEIRD—o, ‘di ba!!! Naka-always pa rin. Ugh. Right now, thinking about it, it’s weird na may maghahatid sa akin, I’m not used to that. I’ve almost always brought myself home, never minding the darkness and the fact that I am alone. Huhu. I have sooooo much to think about, to consider, and to compromise with. I hope that I’ll be ready when the time comes for love to come knocking on my door. Naku, shuta, baka sunduin pa ako. 😬 Chariz.
I also want to think of my future, financially. And academically. And more. Yes, I have so much to prepare for pa. Especially before getting into a relationship. I WILL NOT enter a relationship without being stable in many ways more than one. Jusko.
I also wanna start a collection! OMG!!! Small joys that I won’t allow to be vices. Ooooh, this must be the adult urge to collect something? Lol, no. I just happened to fall in love with a specific masterpiece that I want to know it more, dive deeper into its universe, and learn more about it. I’m liking it a lot, I kinda regret getting to know it just recently. Hmpt. But this may be its perfect time to exist in my life, so, yeah. At least dumating. Yiiiie. <333
And lastly, I want to write moooore. I want to be moooore consistent and be mooore intentional.
Here’s to hoping for the realisation of these things! 🥳
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