#hoc lb

[fatfables]

Lower, Back, and Payne

A Fat Fable

Mike, Jim, and Tim never realised for years that their names formed a pun or joke of some sort. Best friends since starting middle school, it wasn’t until college that they hit upon the right order, or combination, while trying to come up with a comedy troupe name.

In high school they had formed a band, ‘The Paynes’, with Tim as the lead singer and his “brothers” on drums and guitar. But nobody was interested in seeing a bunch of short fat guys playing Smash Mouth covers badly, so that soon died out. A comedy troupe was a much better idea.

Especially since Mike, the Lower of the group, had been wheelchair bound due to his diabetes. They put up posters in the Student’s Union building in which Mike was sitting in his extra wide wheelchair, Jim just faced the camera and stuck his belly out, while Tim gave a double thumbs up. Hilarious. Who wouldn’t find three heavily overweight frat boys funny? Morons, that’s who.

Their routine didn’t contain any real jokes of sorts, nor any sketches, skits, or stories. It was comprised of an ad hoc collection of slapstick moments that were supposed to form a “surreal farce.” In reality it did no such thing. It was just three unfunny, over-confident and overweight Oregon boys, who had never been told any better. Who had never been told ‘no’.

Their strapline was, Lower, Back and Payne: It’s Excruciating! It was supposed to be ironic. Because somehow, that's funny. Only it wasn’t. Unless you like a constant stream of mooning, farting, burping, and purposefully messy overeating. It was immature to the point of being extreme. They performed three shows in the college theatre to a less than warm reception from a handful of drunk students and seemed doomed to never perform again, until, unbeknown to them one of their performances was posted online by an unknown person in the audience.

This person probably wanted to just embarrass the three fat idiots. Afterall online bullying is ok when the victims deserve it. However, the performance became a minor online hit within a certain community. At first it was only available on YouTube, but it really took off when numerous shorter clips were posted to TikTok. As a half hour show it was nauseously disjointed, but as twelve second clips it took on a new lease of life.

You see, it turned out that a fat jock frat boy slipping on a greasy taco bell wrapper and faux falling into the bloated face of a morbidly obese diabetic in a wheelchair as his already sagging trousers slip down below his ass and he farts violently in said diabetics face, IS funny!

And apparently sexy.

It took Lower, Back, and Payne a while to cotton on to the kinkier reasons as to why they were suddenly successful. Homo-ertocism had certainly not been the aim, but they were happy enough to embrace it. Any kind of fame was better than no fame at all. If some people liked to see Tim eat twenty hot dogs before burping loudly into Jim’s flabby vibrating ass, only for the ass to fart back in Tim’s face, then why not give the people what they want?

It was clear to Mike, Jim, and Tim that their audience liked that they were fat. Because they told them so in the comments. The threesome hence set about getting fatter. This was easy for wheelchair bound Mike who was already huge and very immobile. JIm and Tim had to work harder at it. They had to plan their meals, count their calories, and ensure that they were consistently eating enough to gain.

Ginger haired Jim who was only five feet six, started at 280 lbs and within three months he had eaten his way up to 350. His belly bulged and his buttocks swelled as he gorged daily on IHOP all you can eat pancakes. He got excited for their famous buttermilk pancakes filled and topped with lemon cream cookie pieces, creamy cheesecake mousse and whipped topping. He could devour twenty of them in one sitting and still be ready to eat again an hour later - when he would go to Waffle House.

The brunette Tim with his deep brown eyes and deep dark navel, stuffed his stomach silly on record amounts of In-N-Out Burgers, which quite simply went in much quicker than they ever came out. He soon learned to not just enjoy, but love, the sensuous feeling of an overstuffed and bulging belly, rammed full of multiple burgers and cokes. He relished the sensation of his straining gut pushing out against his fraying 42 inch jeans. He was in love with how his own handles hung heavy and low at his sides, growing thicker and softer with every day. He was also top heavy, with massive moobs and oversized nipples that had started to stretch across his chest and under his ever widening arms. He broke the 370 lb limit after three months.

Lower, Back, and Payne now felt like they were ready, fat enough for their ultimate performance, the event that would break them.

They planned a new thirty minute show that was quite frankly just a rip-off of “The Aristocrats.” But they didn’t care, they needed to show the world just how fat and sexy they were. And if anybody just happened to laugh then, well, that was ok too.

The performance was filmed by a mutual friend, Danni, who also agreed to play the role of the talent scout. Mike, Jim, and Tim would enter the scouts office and offer to perform their show as a demonstration of their ‘comic’ abilities. The talent scout nervously agreed.

The 500 lb cripple entered first. It was hard to tell due to the effect of gravity on his low hanging fat but, Lower, was apparently already naked. He appeared to be heavily bloated and grabbed hold of his huge belly and attempted to lift the fat folds at the sides with his already reddening hands whilst declaring, “I need more!” He then produced a 20 oz bottle of coke from what seemed like his ass and began to chug it down greedily. At this point Jim Back entered wearing only an oversized woman’s bikini which cupped his soft doughy breasts perfectly but clearly left the top end of his soft cock sticking out against his thick left thigh. The tightness of the bikini string appeared to be turning it blue. He carried a tray of what seemed like fifty chocolate eclairs which he balanced expertly on top of his huge glutted out belly. Taking a swift look at the handicapped diabetic, he let out a devilish smile, and grabbed the only half empty coke bottle from him. He violently shook it up and then sprayed the remaining ten ounces straight into his immobile friend’s mouth before beginning to jam the eclairs in as well. At this point Tim Payne entered. He was also naked but as hard as a rock. His thick swollen dick appeared to be holding up his immense belly like scaffolding. He did a sexy twirl, shook his more than twunky fat ass, and farted, before also taking some of the eclairs and jamming them up Jim’s ginger ass. Being very soft by nature the creamy and chocolatey pastry treats didn’t enter very far at first, more just smashing into the rim and edges of his fat friend's ass, smearing the inside of his heavy cheeks. Seemingly uncontented with this state of affairs Tim suddenly rammed his whole fist in causing Jim to shriek and spasm. His fat layers vibrated and Tim drooled as he removed his arm, filled his hands with multiple eclairs, and rammed it right back in there. Jim, overcome with pleasure, felt his cock fill with blood so quickly that it burst open the bikini string that was trapping it, leaving a dark red line across the centre of his shaft where the string had so painfully cut into his member. He climbed up onto the wheelchair and forced his newly erect dick deep into the obese cripples eclair filled mouth. Mike bit down hard on it and drew blood before sucking with all of his 500 lb might. The wheelchair based giant's mouth was now full of cream and cake and cock. Tim kept jamming more eclairs into Jim’s gaping asshole while Mike continued to fellate him. Once there were no cakes left, Tim loudly declared, “I’M HUNGRY!!” Banged his massive belly three times and forcing his fat head in between his friends glorious ass cheeks began to eat the more than chocolatey eclairs back out of the hole. Mike, still holding onto the empty 20 oz cola bottle decided to reinsert it into his asshole where it had apparently come from. With a mighty effort he managed to raise his left cheek, which in itself must have weighed 100 lbs, and sat peacefully down on it. A cracking noise could be heard as the bottle reshaped itself under the force. By now Tim was digging both hands into Jim’s hole in order to remove the eclairs that he himself had forced far up into his bowels. He joyously filled his greedy mouth with as much smushed up creamy, pastry and goo as he could. This continued for a good minute or so until someone's mobile phone rang.

All three fat boys pretended to look around surprised, as if they weren’t expecting the call. The phone kept ringing until Jim noticed that Tim’s ass was vibrating. “My turn!” he stated triumphantly and stuck his right hand in, no lube, and retrieved the Samsung A15. “Hello! Yes we’re in room 304. Come straight up!” The thought of the soon to be arriving feast got all of them excited and they jacked each other off with real zeal so that when the poor, actually unsuspecting delivery boy entered his reaction was one of true horror. “Very Method” Mike said of the boy’s acting as he whelped and threw the massive bag of friend chicken at the three obese perverted faggots and their weird camp friend sat at a desk in a dress. “What, no tip required?” Tim asked as he struggled to lean forward, almost losing his balance due to his abundant belly and hard-on, in order to retrieve the grease stained bag.

Tim and Jim with a lot of effort tipped the naked 500 lb Mike up out of his chair so that he thumped to the floor with a Earthquake like thud. Jim then reached into his fat folds and magically removed a funnel. This he placed in the Goliath’s mouth while Tim set about ramming the fried chicken up his own ass in an effort to ‘mash it’. He climbed onto the desk, which bowed under his weight, and perched his ass over the top of the funnel. Jim held the funnel just in the right place so that Tim could “shit” into it whilst he could also get the tip of his cock over the lip. Tim clenched his fists and gurned as hard as he could. It took real effort to fart the first of the chicken out, but after that it started flowing quite freely due to the immense build up of his gas in his overloaded intestines. JIm squeezed and pulled at his cock as hard as he could whilst fisting himself with his left hand. As soon as he punched his prostate the cum also started flowing freely and the milky brown mixture was enviously gulped down by Mike who immediately started jacking off again due to the immense pleasure of feeling his stomach fill and swell with the disgusting mixture. In total more than 150 cum drenched smelly ass boneless chicken strips were farted into his mouth. While this was happening Tim continued to fill his own belly with chicken burgers, fries and cola. He needed to keep himself bloated as fuck in order to keep the gas supply high enough. In total he consumed over 5000 calories. The weight of which caused his bulging belly to grow and swell. It stretched and strained forward until he finally lost his balance and fell forward onto the desk, cracking the desk in two and tumbling backward on top of Mike whose pelvis snapped under the weight of his fat sexy friend. Jim, in an honest attempt to help his flailing blobby friends, who were now both screaming on the floor covered in shit stained chicken mush, cum, and ass blood, leant forward too quickly. The weight of his own distended ball gut, pulled tightly on his back and he slipped a disc at the L5-S1 level. The disc trapped his sciatic nerve and the pain shot all the way down his thick right leg and into his pudgy fat-laden toes within a tenth of a second. He howled in pain, like an obese wolf having a heart attack, and also fell to the floor. All three boys were writhing in agony before they could even get to their climax.

Danni, thinking that the show was over, rose to her feet and applauded loudly before delivering her only line “And what do you call yourselves?”

“Call us an ambulance!” Tim cried.

“You’re all an ambulance.” She said in a deadpan tone.

It was the oldest and funniest joke of the night.

Read more (and often better) fat fables at https://www.fatfables.com/

[davidshawnsown]

AFU Motorbike Battalions/Kurins

(based on real life Soviet formations during WW2)

(Inspired by Battle Order's video on Soviet Army motorcycle reconnaisance battalions under division during the Second World War as well as the real life US armored recon units of the same period)

IMU of stories the success of ad-hoc bicycle and motorbike formations in the Armed Forces of Ukraine during the Russian invasion would result in the formation of motorcycle formations of battalion size (called in Ukrainian as Mototsykletnyy batalʹyon) in elements of the armed forces to regularize these. However they follow a Westernized form of the organization of the old Soviet motorbike battalions of mechanized and armored divisions. In cavalry divisions - those armored divisions with cavalry traditions and titles honoring the Ukrainian Cossacks - these units are titled as Kurins (Mototsykletnyy kurin) with its companies named as sotnias. These battalions are armed with primarily Western and locally produced motorcycles and tricycles for their mission as support to recon and combat operations. There's plans to integrate an infantry company to those battalions in the infantry divisions.

In mechanized infantry, assault infantry and mountain infantry divisions they are organized in 4 motorbike companies each with HQ platoon, 4 motorbike platoons (one squad each manned with electric motorcycles), and a mortar and weapons section each. The armored recon company operates M59s and M113s together with the M106 SP mortar and its light tank battalion uses M10 Bookers in its tank platoons and MT-LBs in its infantry and AT platoon. The AT battery uses Jeeps and similar vehicles for the transport of their crew and they are all supported by a forward support company from their parent division and other elements. In a mountain infantry division, an additional squad is tasked within platoons for ski capability.

In a motorized infantry division the motorbike company has no weapons section. The armored recon company is armed with BTR-4s and hand-me-down LAV-3s from the United States and the light tank company uses the M113 and Scorpion.

There's a different TO&E for the battalions in armored divisions. Motorbike battalions in these, alongside the weapons section, are reinforced with two bicycle platoons and a RPG/AT motorcycle section in the motorcycle companies, the armored recon company uses Bradleys, the light tank company, aside from its M10s, uses M113s as mechanized infantry element and there's a assault gun company using Centauros from Italy and the Ukrainian produced MT-LB-12 - inspired by the assault gun troops of cavalry recon squadrons of the United States during the Second World War.

The Motorcycle Kurin of the UGF cavalry division is modeled after the armored division motorcycle battalion but is named and organized in keeping with Ukrainian Cossack cavalry heritage. However it does not have a bicycle nor RPG/AT motorbike section and its AT battery is organized into 4 platoons instead of 3.

In the AAFU's two airmobile divisions, the motorcycle battalion's recon company is armed with M113s and BTR-3s, there's no infantry platoon in the tank company and an airborne transport and rigger platoon for parachute and air assault operations is added to the forward support company.

The two marine divisions of XXX Amphibious Corps UkrMC and the planned motorbike battalions of that Corps in Mykolaiv and Kherson are organized for both ground and amphibious operations as relfected in the addition of an amphious scout platoon. However it does have an added water transport platoon in the forward logistics company for the amphibious element there and the tank company uses M59 Scorpion TDs, AMX-10 RCs and AAVP-7s. Squads using electric bikes are to be transported to the shore via other vehicles in amphibious operations before they can be unloaded for use unlike those using normal motorbikes (and those squads using bicycles) which can land to the coast via landing craft. The same vehicles in an air assault motorbike battalion's armored recon company are used in a marine motorbike battalion.

@lukeexplorer

[slottrust]

Sketchpad tv

#Sketchpad tv mac os x

#Sketchpad tv tv

The thesis described Sketchpad, a human-machine communication system that. I have played with Apple Configurator via USB, but there aren't any Apple TV-specifc policies, the generic config options are not compelling to me for my environment. For years television graphics were produced in the most traditional way with.

#Sketchpad tv tv

The behavior of how local clients cache Apple TV hosts is interesting, too.Ĥ) Does anyone use ad-hoc point-to-point AirPlay on their Apple TVs (Bluetooth/Wi-Fi)? Thoughts, comments, opinions?ĥ) Do you use MDM to manage your Apple TVs? What type of polices are you using? What is your main reasons/goals for using MDM? I have Meraki for iPhones & iPads currently, but am looking at other MDM options this year (mainly AirWatch and JAMF). FREE Shipping on orders over 25 shipped by Amazon. 1899 (4.75/Count) Get it as soon as Mon, Aug 22.

#Sketchpad tv mac os x

We currently use a single Cisco Wireless LAN Controller (a WLC5508 running 8.0.1 code).ġ) How many Apple TVs can be displayed on Mac OS X or iOS clients? Is there a maximum number of devices that can be discovered?Ģ) How many Apple TVs do you have? Anyone out there have hundreds or thousands of Apple TVs?ģ) Can you offer best practice guidelines for managing Apple TVs en mass? Tips and tricks regarding topology, DHCP, VLAN, DNS? Getting them to show up and be discoverable is sometimes tricky (and mysterious) in terms of how mDNS works. 5.5' x 8.5' Sketch Paper Pads, 4 Pack, 400 Total Sheets (100 Each), 68 lb/100gsm Premium Paper, by Better Office Products, Spiral Bound Artist Sketch Book, Acid Free, Cold Press, Natural White. Waiting to see what the the next Apple TV will look like at the fall 2016 Apple Event. Im not managing them with MDM yet, but I likely will be begin managing them in 2016. I manually configure my Apple TVs with a local loopback 127.0.0.1 address for DNS, which prevents the devices from routing to the Internet and connecting to iTunes, Netflix, etc. You can use it as long as you keep it free. Sketchpad.pro is also an open-source project. The embedded graphic editor can be customized to fit your needs. It is possible to embed Sketchpad.pro editor into another web application. Our Apple TVs are basically "magic wireless projectors" for conference rooms and offices. Sketchpad.pro is designed to keep light, fast and simple. All Apple TVs get IPs via DHCP on their respective native VLAN for the geographical area that they are located in (i.e. We use our Apple TVs for 100% Conference Room Mode. The number of Apple TVs we have will likely grow in 2016. I currently have 25 gen 3 Apple TVs in production.

[wearetheunholyfamily]

lmao they actually killed Francis!!!!!!!!

[romeo-oh-nomeo]

‪I swear Neve Campbell ages like fine wine 🍷 gorgeous as ever‬

[sciammas]

FUCK SLFJSKFBSNDBS THEYRE DOING DOUG SO FUCKING DIRTY IM LAUGHINH OUT OF MY ASSSS

[demenior]

For all that 2017 has tried to reclaim the word Daddy, Frank Underwood in s5e5 just destroyed it in the cold open

[aleran]

frank just straight up murdered a dude holy shit

[cryptidmac-remade]

season five of hoc has been great for my gay ass bc 1. claires completely iconic presidential fourth wall break/legendary grown out bob look 2. return of lisa even if it was depressing as fuck 3. frank finally got some dick again 4. the not insignificant sexual tension between claire and jane 5. i havent finished the season yet but im pretty sure claire is gonna gone girl tom which is obviously lesbian culture

[mortifyingideal]

i was tagged in this by the wonderful @fremulon (thanks cherry!) and accidentally deleted the whole thing twice so now i'm mostly just posting it out of spite and without a read more due to said spite. SUCK IT TUMBLR.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 10 published out loud and 1 published anonymously

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

226419

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

okay so this is really only my most recent life. i have been around a lot. a lot. i was there, gandalf, during the superwholock years (and an active participant) so over the course of my life it's like

Harry Potter, Teen Titans, Sherlock, Doctor Who, Supernatural, Inception, Daredevil, The Avengers, The Musketeers, Wells & Wong Mysteries, Twin Peaks, Homestuck, Red vs Blue

but in this lifetime i'm just writing for Good Omens (and have written for DuckTales and Cruella)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1 — Loosely Ballroom (surprising absolutely nobody)

2 — Look Not Too Deep

3 — ergo propter hoc (okay this one is kind of a surprise actually but i'm very happy about it i love this fic)

4 — café au vin

5 — an institute you can't disparage

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i do! i try to respond to every comment i get on the day of/the day after i get it. i've met a lot of good friends this way, and i also just like taking the time to respond to people who've taken the time to respond to something i made. makes me feel good (plus i want everyone to like me)

the only downside is it can get a bit overwhelming at times? particularly with LB, which gets a shitload of comments per chapter and can take me up to two full days to read through them all and answer, and if i'm having a bad brain time i just cannot face doing it. so if you've ever left a comment and i've not responded, i promise It's not because i don't appreciate it. my brain machine just was going brmmmmmmmmm.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i was going to say NONE BECAUSE I DON'T WRITE ANGST but i guess if i had to decide it would be the RVB fic that's on my ao3 right now, which has an angstily hopeful ending.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

hahahaha

CRAZY LIKE A FOX

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not as far as i'm aware! i have had several uhhhhhhh overly familiar meant-to-be-jovial comments on/about the above crossover from people i don't really know very well that have told me i'm a terrible person or i've committed crimes while i'm out here like, cool this is art i made and put in the world for fun and believe in and i don't really... know you? but those comments were meant in good faith imo so i don't really think it counts as hate

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

the last time i tried to write smut, crowley got stabbed, so the kind that sends people to the hospital i guess?

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge. good luck formatting all the images and italics, anyone who might try.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

again, not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

infamously. it's the only reason anyone might have read this far. also attempting to collaborate on an as-of-yet-unfinished-project with @indieninja92 who is a creative genius with their finger in many, many pies. speaking of, have you visited hauntedswords.com recently?

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

errrrrr i mean probably aziraphale/crowley, not to seem obvious. they've been with me since i was like 10 years old, they haven't gone anywhere, they will probably be bothering me until the day i die.

14. What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I WILL FINISH ALL OF MY WIPs. okay no that's not true, i have the start of an inception fic that is a GO AU that i honestly think would have been fucking slammin' but the time for that has passed now.

15. What are your writing strengths?

a very definite sense of character voice, attention to detail in terms of enriching the world i'm writing in, dialogue dialogue dialogue, smash cuts (are they even called smash cuts in writing? WHATEVER THEY ARE I CAN DO THEM)

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

you are my collaborator. you send me back part of a chapter and tell me i have a sentence that is a bit too lengthy and doesn't work, and i need to edit it. i send it back to you. the sentence is now an entire paragraph and a half, with three jokes, a metaphor and a new line of dialogue embedded in it, changing the overall tone of the chapter. this is known as The Mort Special.

i also get very in my own head about not really being a good writer, or not being as good as the people (or person specifically i suppose) that i'm working with. i'm working on this! i'm not working on The Mort Special, though, that's always writing gold.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

this is a really weird and specific question, who hurt you OP? errrr i guess much like any quirk of writing, it's fine when used sparingly and with a deft hand.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

fuck me, probably Harry Potter? neopets roleplaying boards were a gateway drug.

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

this is the part where i pretend i'm going to say something other than Loosely Ballroom. i don't think i'll ever make something else in my life that's made me feel the way making that has. it's been—to delve into reality TV speak (and paraphrase crowley from a future chapter)—a real emotional rollercoaster.

plus it's just fuckin' funny isn't it.

tagging @phoenix-soar, @thyra279, @heycaricari, @stillseekwill and @katnoggin (and anyone else who might want to!)

[fallout-lou-begas]

How would you set up a cut-throst fnv without mods. Hard-core mode plus highest difficulty? Are there perks to make leveling slower or encumbrance more of a problem?

Unfortunately no, and increasing the difficulty of the game just makes enemies bullet-spongier instead of making everyone equally deadlier for quick, tense, cutthroat combat. I suppose I do have a few ad-hoc suggestions for making unmodded New Vegas more genuinely difficult, though:

Perception and Charisma are virtually useless, so if you want to lower your other stats, max these out on your character. Lower Strength as much as possible for a lower encumbrance, and lower Intelligence as much as possible for lower skill point gain on level-up (though mind the knock-on effects here of limiting which weapons you can use well and defaulting to a “low intelligence” run).

Sell all skill books. Do not read them, do not collect +3 skill points, do not pass go.

Avoid the blatantly strong and useful perks like Educated, Living Anatomy, and Shotgun Surgeon in favor of more situational or subtle perks, or high-risk high-reward traits like Kamikaze and Small Frame.

You can simulate a permanent reduction to your SPECIAL stats by giving yourself one or more addictions and then never curing them.

If you think you’re making too much money too easily, purposefully lose at the casinos or buy then toss expensive items from vendors. I personally make sure doctor services cost me 1,000 caps, minimum, to encourage careful play and add value to healing items.

Even if there’s no in-game limitation, you can self-impose limitations on your encumbrance by just making sure you’re not carrying any more than some arbitrary low amount like 100 lbs, or not raising certain skills higher than a certain threshold.

[camphorror]

FUCK I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS

claire is the president which is truly THE DREAM since like... s2 tbh but like i’m absolutely losing it at the fact she didn’t pardon frank like fuck!!

i hate how emotionally exhausting this show is but then when i’m done with the last ep i just want more

[mushiemadarame]

[wearetheunholyfamily]

One nation. Underwood.

[romeo-oh-nomeo]

I think season 5 was the House of Cards we all know and love. It's back to a political game of chess with alliances and twists and unpredictable elements flipping over the board entirely. And that ending gave me chills 😍

[sciammas]

FUCK SLFJSKFBSNDBS THEYRE DOING DOUG SO FUCKING DIRTY IM LAUGHINH OUT OF MY ASSSS