#homie this is hella good we are getting PRESENTABLE what were YOU ON

[mizukagami-takamagahara]

Trinity I drew from memory the other day~

[respectthepetty]

What does this mean for Phee and Jin? Did Phee set out on a revenge plot but developed real feelings for Jin?

Anon, I've been obsessed with this show since the very first episode, and I have never been on the "Phi and Jin are end game" ship because I think that

Jin had to be the worst of them.

Recap:

I wrote that Phi was sus af in the very first episode, and one reason was because he didn't hear the noise that Jin heard.

This happens again when Jin and Phi are running from the masked killer, and Jin is the only one to see a bloody Mr. Keng.

Some people are defending Fluke's actions because he didn't actively do anything to harm Non, but he also knew about the broken camera and said nothing, so I think whatever Jin did was even worse. He couldn't just have known about the bad stuff happening to Non. He must have also intentionally turned a blind eye and LEFT Non, which is exactly what Phi subtly calls him out on in the first episode, and probably why Jin is leaving Thailand for good.

Because I also mentioned that these boys have known each other longer than we were told in the first episode. The boys said Tan and Phi came AFTER Non disappeared, but I think Jin knew Phi way back in the tutoring days, but hadn't realized Phi knew Non since Jin said Mr. Keng's name like Phi knew who that was (because Phi probably went to tutoring too and that's how he "met" Jin).

I think White is gonna be the final gay, and Tan is the second killer because one of them has to be Non's brother, no? But I think it's Tan because homie always got twenty million questions and White wasn't even supposed to be on this trip.

Either way, Jin has never been on my "gonna live to the end" even though Jin is the main character,

And he already wrote his end. All the boys are dying the way they forced Non to change the script, which is why Phi is following Non's script this time around. He is making sure these boys get what they asked for. Hell, even the driver was the first to die in the original film, and was the first to die in the present, and Fluke watched Non's fall into hell at the hands of Tee and Top, and now he is being tasked with watching his friends as they die.

Once again, I think Jin was the worst because he acted as Non's protector and he started having feelings for Non,

Yet Jin might have betrayed Non somehow since Phi dropped this line in the coffin.

And Phi seems to have strung Jin along for a bit, which makes me believe that Phi is giving Jin a taste of his own medicine.

Tan asked Phi if Phi and Jin were "better" and Phi said that Jin won't even look at his face, and I feel that is pivotal to this plot. Phi wants Jin to trust him . . . the same way Non trusted Jin?

In the original film, Jin and Non were running away from the masked killer, and Jin left Non behind. It was just a film, but maybe, perhaps, possibly, Jin really left Non behind somewhere.

Phi has been playing the long con with these boys, so this shit is hella personal. If Phi was with Non and wanted more with Non, yet was doing the devil's tango at one point with Jin, I truly feel that Phi is committed to having Jin care about him.

Just so he can be the one to betray him.

*applying clown makeup* Jin fucked up big time somehow, and Phi has been playing him the longest because he wants Jin to feel every bit of pain he caused Non.

What did you do, Jin? What. Did. You. Do?

[delemenko]

The Kalenko Grasps For Straws With The Warriors Ships Because She Can

See, after what @thewarriorshomegirl said about Snow and Ajax, I'm in a shitpost mood. So allow me to rate these things (10 being the best thing, 1 being the worst thing). If nothing else, appreciate the camraderie, my dudes.

First, we've got Swan and Cleon: They have pretty respectable relationship, but I don't see it going much further than that. Though if it did, that would be some good shit, brother. Though, my inner Cleon/Lincoln shipper automatically deducts a few points, so I give this a 5/10.

Swan and Ajax: I guess the appeal is that tension between them, you know, the "I'll beat your ass, but I'll also push you into a wall and make out with you." tension. I can see the appeal, so 7/10.

Swan and Fox: They're really good friends, and they have personalities that compliment each other. In the original script, Fox is about to tell that Swan is upset and Swan tells Fox why. It's not as good in the movie, but in the script, it's totally there, so for that alone, I gotta give it the 10/10.

Swan and Rembrandt: This pairing feels wrong on so many levels. 1/10.

Swan and Cowboy: They're clearly good friends, so I could see it happening but this feels like it's only slightly better than Swan and Rembrandt, but I could see it more than Swan and Cleon, so 6/10.

Swan and Vermin: I don't think Swan would want to deal with Vermin's complaining, so I doubt that would go well, 4/10.

Swan and Snow: They have a pretty good relationship, they seem friendly enough, but it's nothing to write home about. 5/10.

Swan and Cochise: listen, they seem like they'd have a fun ass dynamic. I like to think that Swan and Cochise have a pretty good relationship (if only because their actors seemed like they were chill) so I'm gonna have to say 7/10 for this one.

Cleon and Snow: I could Snow trying to gain Cleon's approval be a cause for them to get closer, but side from that, no dice. 4/10.

Cleon and Fox: Seems alright in theory. Cleon and Fox seem like they could work, but I don't think it'd be super overly cute, so meh 6/10.

Cleon and Ajax: They'd clash too much, I feel. They get on decently, but Ajax is so loose cannon I doubt that would work. 3/10.

Cleon and Cowboy: Pretty sure Cleon forgets about Cowboy's existence except in like, one mission. 2/10.

Cleon and Rembrandt: No. That is all. 1/10.

Cleon and Cochise: Meh, nothing interesting there and I'm having a difficult time picturing it. 4/10.

Cleon and Vermin: I mean... Obviously Cleon trusts Vermin enough to be willing to start a gang with him, so it's not like this ship would be pulled out of thin air. 7/10.

Cowboy and Ajax: this one is really hit or miss. It could either be really sweet or really sour. Either way, it seems like it'd be an interesting dynamic to read, so 8/10.

Cowboy and Snow: Something about these two... Just, *Chef's kiss*. They get on pretty well. And they just seem precious. The potential is just there. Plus, what were they doing that we didn't get to see how they got back to the station. ∞/10.

Cowboy and Rembrandt: Iono, Fam, they do be cute though. Two soft boios out here vibin' and in the original script there's a scene, bitch. 9/10.

Cowboy and Fox: Pretty sure these two never interact. Not even in the original script, or it's so insignificant that's it's nothing to work with. 2/10.

Cowboy and Vermin: I mean, he did call Vermin "Baby" in the original script- these two could have a very entertaining relationship. 8/10.

Cowboy and Cochise: *Inhales.* Look, Cochise calling Cowboy "Daddy" in the original script give this at least a seven. But these two have a great dynamic. They're friends, they work well together, etc. 8/10.

Ajax and Snow: They're friends. They have a decent relationship and Ajax probably trusts Snow way more than most of the other members. 7/10.

Ajax and Cochise: I don't see these two being together. They give off wingman vibes. They are really good friends. That being said, they work well together. Ajax clearly trusts Cochise and they've got a fun dynamic. 8/10.

Ajax and Fox: These two can't stand each other. That being said, this pairing could be some top tier shit. They would have that same dynamic as Swan and Ajax, especially because Fox talks so much shi- Oh my GOD. (Sorry, I'm questioning all of my life choices with this one. 7/10.)

Ajax and Rembrandt: Don't seem like they'd vibe at all honestly. 1/10

Ajax and Vermin: They have a fun enough dynamic with Ajax teasing him sometimes. Though, aside from that, I don't see it much. They seem more like wingmen also. But that relationship dynamic doesn't feel as present with these two as it does with Ajax and Cochise. 6/10.

Fox and Rembrandt: in the Script, Fox is described as Rembrandt's best friend. I like how the script treats them, but in the movie, they don't get too much of that. Though, there is that scene where Fox is reassuring Rem that the maps are shitty and the one where he sends Rem to go check the graveyard. But they could be super cute soft boios. 7/10.

Fox and Cochise: They seem more like friendly banter type, though it could be a fun relationship. It's really either way. 5/10.

Fox and Snow: There's nothing here because these two don't interact. ;-; 2/10.

Fox and Vermin: I could see it, but it's nothing too special, so 5/10.

Rembrandt and Cochise: I don't see much of anything here, but I could probably be swayed, so 3/10.

Rembrandt and Vermin: I could see it slightly more than Rem and Cochise, but still not much there. 4/10.

Rembrandt and Snow: These two would be hella wholesome honestly. Enough said. 8/10.

Vermin and Cochise: In this household, we kiss the homies goodnight. 9/10.

Vermin and Snow: Nah, I got nothing. 2/10.

Snow and Cochise: There's a potential ship there, but not much. 6/10.

I wanna hear what y'all think of these pairings honestly. These are all personalised answered, so I am only speaking for me. Let me know what you think. It is 04:46 in the morning lmao.

[touchmycoat]

If you want movie recs, a good Wang Kai movie is the Devotion of Suspect X. Fascinating psychological twists, and Wang Kai looking very hot as he solves a mystery. Also, did you ever watch Shang Chi? I remember you mentioning wanting to see it. Did you like it?

Thank you very much for the rec dear!! I watched it just now w my dad, Wang Kai and his fucking slick ass suit has blessed my eyeballs again.

Let me see if I can recount my viewing experience...

First off, gay gay gay vibes. The "my childhood zhiji who is now a super hot super successful forensic science professor shows up at my crappy apartment but is perfectly satisfied with eating dinner in my mess of research and proofs. Not only does he not give me shit, but he also treats me immediately with the respect, friendliness, and frankly adoration of the only person he's ever found worthy of being his rival. He brings me a puzzle to solve and stays the fucking night to watch me work my way through this supposed proof and then languidly shares his morning walk of shame with me." Like excuse me. Wang Kai literally has made a career of looking all stern and oppressively handsome and then completely melting when he looks at the right man istg.

Second, I was left wanting more of an arc about Wang Kai's character? The movie seemed to pose two potential motives for him—he's either solving the case 1) to beat his long-time rival, or 2) for the sake of greater justice. Obviously it can be both. In fact, both would be good. He's initially presented as this cocky genius professor who's rolling his eyes about solving cases that are far too easy for the police department and here comes his old friend, who he knows is absolutely brilliant. Better still, the friend has given him a challenge! But as the case goes on, either he's reminded of the very real stakes of the murder case or he reveals his true colors, i.e. justice is what he fights for. Then we can get a, ahaha, better-written climactic moment when he realizes what his friend has done?? We can get a more specific meditation on the fact that (SPOILER ALERT) it's not necessarily the woman's guilt that he wants justice for (it was obviously self-defense to the viewers) but rather the fact that his friend killed an innocent person in order to help her.

Like, all the pieces were there! To the point where I suspect it's very much the reading the movie wants me to have. But I just don't know if it fully realized it, or realized it especially well...? I think I wish they'd shown the professor pinning his friend on murdering the homeless man before showing that he'd already told the woman to better underscore the fact that it's this guilt he can't let go. Otherwise what's the harm? Otherwise what's the narrative point of both the man and the woman going to jail, y'know? I felt that the story didn't give a satisfying reason for why the professor had to tell the woman the truth.

But otherwise I loved the story. I think I realized what he was going to do when they were talking on the mountain hike and was reeeeaaaally excited to see it play out. Wanted to see Wang Kai bloody but :(( a neck brace is fine I guess. I thought the casting choice for the younger versions of the two men were brilliant??? They channeled the adult actors hella well. I liked the ending explanation of the main character's motives very much. It was lovely and heartfelt and it made me love the ending when the woman apologizes and confesses more, because yeah, that's really who she is. When he sends the first stalker letter I got so fucking tense, it was a good twist.

I have not watched Shang Chi yet lsajnflkjsdf but tell you what, I'll watch it now...!!!! Tony Tony Tony here I come

(slkjdf last thoughts my ideal movie ending is: homie's going to prison, Wang Kai struts up all hot like "yeah I know the truth, and tell you what I'll let the woman go but you still do deserve to go to prison for killing a completely innocent man in cold blood. I'll come hang every day and we can talk math and puzzles." Then he really does take a long vacation, shows up every day at the prison, it's gay, it's about queer kinship and devotion. Inevitably there's the offer "you really don't have to come every day." Wang Kai rolls his eyes, all, "look you may be happy just knowing that mother and daughter exist in the world without intruding on their lives but I'm not like that. I go after what I want and insert myself quite self-righteously. Oh you don't like that? Too bad, you should've thought of that before you committed murder. My company is part of your punishment. I am the beacon of righteousness bending you onto the path of dick-I-mean-goodness.")

[shittystockholmstyles]

New Girl in Town || Sad Eyes

Gif by @merakiaes

Request @princesamorenitaxo

Summary: There’s a new girl in town and Sad Eyes takes an interest in her but can he convince her that he is looking for more than just a hook up?

Warnings: language

Word Count: 1827

A/N: Tried our a different writing style, hope you like it! Really enjoyed writing this! Also had to throw my dream car in the story.

“Ya’ll see that new hyna that moved in down the street?” Joker said as he took a hit of his blunt. A few of the guys nodded to say they had seen her, Sad Eyes included.

He had watched the new girl move into Doña Maria’s house a few days ago. The first thing that had caught his eye was her car, a classic, cherry red, ’72 Chevelle. He watched as the car drove down the street and pulled into the driveway a few houses down, he continued to watch as the finest hyna he had ever seen stepped out of the driver’s side, pulled a suitcase out of the car and disappeared into the house. Sad Eyes had hoped to see her again, maybe he’d get a chance to actually talk to her.

“Yo there she is,” Joker said, pulling Sad Eyes back to the present. He watched the girl walking on the other side of the street, she was dressed for the warm weather in denim shorts and a tank top, and was walking with Doña Maria’s young daughter.

The guys started hollering at her causing her to glance over at them before tightening her grip on the younger girl and picking up her pace. Sad Eyes considered going over and trying to talk to her but before he could decide Oso had already started making his way across the street.

Sad Eyes couldn’t hear what was being said but he watched as the girl’s face went from passive to angry, she flipped Oso off before storming away. Oso made his way back to the front yard of the Santo house and sat on the beat up couch.

“Damn Oso, that hyna looked hella pissed what’d you say to her homes?” Sad Eyes asked.

Oso smirked as he answered, “I asked her when she was gonna let me get it in”

All of the guys laughed.

Y/N knew she should have listened to her aunt and taken her car to the store but it was only two blocks away and she had insisted on walking, getting familiar with the neighborhood she was now living in. So her and her younger cousin had started walking, she was completely oblivious to the yard full of men at least until they started hollering at her, attempting to get her attention. Then that guy just had to come up to her and tell her he could show her “a good time.” Y/N was pissed, normally she just brushed stuff like that off but he really had the nerve to say that shit in front of her 13 year old cousin.

The rest of the walk was quiet, Y/N trying to get control of her anger. They reached the store and walked inside, Y/N walked up and down the aisles placing things into her basket. After paying, the two girls began their trip back to the house. Y/N slowed her pace as they neared the corner, up ahead the same group of men were still sitting outside.

“We can go the long way if you want?” Y/N’s cousin, Celia, said looking at her.

“Do you want to take the long way?” Y/N asked.

Celia made a face, “Not really, but I know that guy made you mad.”

Y/N nodded her head but before she could respond somebody behind them called out “Celia!”

The girls turned to see two guys who looked to be around Celia’s age walking toward them. As they reached them the boys each hugged Celia.

“How’s eighth grade going?” The taller of the two asked.

“It’s alright, kind of boring without you guys around. How’s High school?” Celia said.

“It’s good” the boys said very quickly and as they avoided eye contact.

“Who’s your friend?” The shorter boy asked.

“This is my cousin Y/N. She just moved in with us a few days ago.” Celia said, smiling. She was really excited to have Y/N around, it was like having an older sister.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Ruben” the shorter kid said as he tried to kiss the back off Y/N’s hand.

“Stop it Ruby! I’m Cesar, nice to meet you” the other kid said as he smacked Ruby’s arm.

Y/N laughed at the kids and told them it was nice to meet them too. As a group they started walking home, Y/N not realizing they were going to pass the the Santo house until it was already too late. The catcalling started up again, but Y/N refused to look. The group listened as several guys shouted obscenities her way.

Cesar rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “Well, I’ll see you guys, it was nice to meet you Y/N!”

Y/N watched as Cesar made his way across the street and sat on a couch in the front lawn, her eyes drifted over to the guy he sat next to. Their eyes met and he gave a soft smile and waved to her.

A deep voice on the other side of the yard called out, “damn Mami, why don’t you come hang for a minute?” Y/N looked to see the same guy who had tried to talk to her earlier. With a scowl on her face she flipped the guy off and stormed off toward her house, dragging Celia along.

Sad Eyes watched the girl grab her cousin and walk back toward their house. Sometimes he couldn’t help but admit that his homies were dicks. They were always talking about smashing some hyna and he had to admit that he acted the same way but this time it really bothered him, the way they talked about Y/N. Sad Eyes didn’t really know why he was so irritated, he didn’t even know the girl.

“I’m heading out, see ya compa.” Sad Eyes said to Spooky before getting in his car and driving home. He couldn’t get Y/N’s face out of his mind, she was definitely attractive and even when she was pissed she looked cute.

A few days later, Sad Eyes stopped by the corner store to pick up a few things. As he made his way down one of the aisles he heard the bell ring, signaling the door was opening. Sad Eyes glanced back at the door and watched Y/N walk into the store, she was wearing a simple yellow sundress.. Sad Eyes watched her make her way toward the back of the store where the cold stuff was kept. He made his way down the aisle until he was standing next to Y/N.

Sad Eyes cleared his throat, “Hey.” He said smiling at her.

Y/N glanced over at him, curiously at first then in irritation as she recognized him from the other day on the yard. “You come to ask me if I’m going to sleep with you too?” She said, crossing her arms.

Sad Eyes was shocked at her question and didn’t know how to respond. Y/N nodded her head, grabbed a six pack of Modelo and walked up to the cashier. Sad Eyes stared after her in shock at her bold question. As Y/N made her way toward the door Sad Eyes forced himself forward and went after her. He caught up to Y/N just as she was unlocking her car.

“I was actually wondering if you’d maybe want to go out sometime?” Sad Eyes said, shoving his hands into his pockets. He had no idea why he was so nervous, maybe it was the intensity in the way Y/N was staring at him.

“Oh really?” Y/N said as she turned to face him, she raised an eyebrow, “you also wondering if I put out on a first date?”

At Sad Eyes’ silence Y/N continued, “cause the answer is no, I don’t. So there’s no need for you to waste your time.” She turned back to her car.

Sad Eyes moved closer, “or maybe I was just wondering if you’d like to get dinner, and maybe give me a chance to get to know you?” He said.

Y/N laughed, “get to know me? Nah I don’t think so.”

“So you don’t want to go out?” Sad Eyes asked. He was kind of hurt at her rejection.

“Why should I? What makes you any different from your little homies?” Y/N asked, curiosity getting the best of her. She couldn’t help but wonder why he was still talking to her after she’d made it clear she wasn’t going to put out.

“Cause I think you’re cute and we could have a lot of fun together.” Sad Eyes said, shrugging, hands still stuffed in his pockets.

Y/N scoffed, “that doesn’t sound like it makes you any different to me.” As she opened her car door, Y/N heard Sad Eyes mumble something else. “What was that?” She said looking back at him. Sad Eyes avoided her gaze and instead stared down at the ground. “What’d you say?” She asked again.

Sad Eyes looked up at Y/N, he used one hand to nervously rub the back of his neck. Finally he spoke, “I said you make me hella nervous but I’d like to get to know you better.”

Y/N’s face softened a bit, maybe she had judged this guy a little too quickly, “Friday night” she said.

“What?” Sad Eyes said, looking confused.

“You can pick me up for our date Friday night” Y/N said.

“Really?” Sad Eyes said, a smile forming on his face.

“Yes, really.” Y/N said as she started getting into her car.

Sad Eyes turned to leave but then remembered, “wait,” he said, “maybe we should exchange numbers?”

Y/N nodded her head and held out her phone. Sad Eyes walked over and grabbed it out of her hand an gave his to her so she could add her number.

After handing their phones back, Y/N looked down at his contact in her phone “Sad Eyes?” She said in a questioning tone.

“Yeah that’s me” he said smiling at her.

“You got a real name, cause I know your mama didn’t name you that” Y/N said, laughing.

Sad Eyes laughed along with Y/N, “yeah, uh it’s Antonio” he said.

Y/N smiled, “Antonio,” she said, testing the name out, “I like it. It fits you”

Sad Eyes smiled back at Y/N and moved closer to her car. He was excited she agreed to go out with him but nervous at the idea of planning something good enough to impress her and maybe make her want a second date. He couldn’t believe he was already thinking about a second date, and a third, hell a whole relationship with this girl he barely knew, all he had to do was get her to believe he was serious about this, that it could be more than just sex for him.

He reached his hand out and brushed a few loose strands of Y/N’s hair back behind her ear, “Friday, Hermosa.” And with that he watched as she drove off, out of the parking lot, he couldn’t wait for Friday.

Tag list

@simply-skin-deep @briannab1234 @trulysuccubus @princesamorenitaxo @bbgisgolden

[yeet-man]

One’s Rebirth (Chapter 4)

A/N: Congrats to @red-riot-rat on getting 500 followers! That’s amazing, I hope one day I can get as many as you. Anyway, since they got this huge milestone, I might release chapter 5 later today who knows. I hope y’all enjoy this as always and peace out!

"Sir, can you tell us what All Might is like as a teacher?" 

J'me glared at the reporters that gathered around. The boy let out a sigh before speaking. "All Might is just how you expect. He's not called the number one hero for no reason." After he gave his answer he walked away from the reporters.

It was a drag to deal with a million people asking questions at once, but he needed to deal with it. He thought about what Ryan said a while ago, 'what if Mari is here because we're here.' J'me didn't want to believe it, but the possibility of Mari being there because of them was possible. He walked into UA Academy and started heading in the direction of 1-A.

A green haired boy, named Deku walked up to J'me. "Hey J'me! I was sort of wondering about your quirk. You see in the test that Mr. Aizawa held, you showed that your quirk was wind or at least I thought it was wind. In the hero's vs villains test you showed us being able to manipulate water, wind, earth, fire, and lighting, not to mention you teleported!" 

J'me listened to Deku speak about his quirk, the boy kind of looked at the green haired 'protagonist'. He softly chuckled when Midoriya finished speaking, he wasn't going to give details about the entirety of his quirk. "Midoriya, listen. All I’m going to say is I basically have a bunch of quirks in one."

The boy’s eyes widened in shock, he slowed down his pace a little to look at J’me. "H-how...how do you have multiple quirks in one?"

"It’s better if you don’t question it right now, Midoriya." His tone was serious, hopefully Deku wouldn’t question it till later.

"Oh...o-okay. Well, can you tell me about your quirk in depth, at least what you want to share." His pace quickly returned to normal so he wouldn't be left behind.

"Sure," He started talking about his quirk in depth for Deku’s sake as the two walked to class.

After a couple minutes of walking they got inside the classroom. J’me noticed right away that Kairo was missing. Maybe he was running a little late? Who knew, he just hoped nothing happened to his friend. 

Everyone was present except Kairo by the time the bell rang. Mr. Aizawa began to call students' names out, double checking to see if everyone was here. When he got to Kairo’s name he looked up, not seeing the boy in the classroom. 

"Has anyone seen Kairo Furo lately?" Mr. Aizawa asked the students that were in the class currently.

Silence passed for a few seconds before Ryan spoke up. "I saw him last night, he was going for a late night jog. After midnight I didn’t see him…"

“Maybe he overslept when he got home?” Kirishima called out from the other side of the classroom. 

"No, I highly doubt that. He wouldn’t sleep in on accident or on purpose. Since he got into U.A, he wouldn’t miss it for the world." J’me said out loud so everyone could hear him.

"Something must have happened between midnight and on the way back to his house…"

Mr. Aizawa looked at Ryan, then he looked at J’me. "If I assign you to this mystery, will you solve it?" The teacher had a serious expression on his face at the time. He wanted this to be figured out just like everyone else.

J’me and Ryan looked at each other for a few seconds and then nodded at Mr. Aizawa.

"Very well, I give you the entire day to figure this out. You two are dismissed at once, good luck."

The two students grabbed their items and started walking towards the exit while J’me turned around to ask a question, "Is quirk usage allowed Mr. Aizawa?"

"No, you must learn to not always rely on your quirk."

The boys simply nodded and went on their way. 

"So, you live by the woods correct?" J’me had to make sure there was no other way Kairo could have gone home. If there was, this ‘mystery’ could be for absolutely nothing. 

"Yeah, if someone did go into the woods near my place it’s basically a dead end." He responded back at J’me with a small sigh after his sentence. 

Ryan led J’me to an area that was by his house, though where Kairo was taking his jog. 

The boys looked around for any evidence indicating where Kairo could have gone. Out of all days this motherfucker could disappear, why the day Iida gets some spotlight? The boys encountered something almost an hour of looking.

The thing they encountered was another person that seemed to be looking for Kairo as well.

"Who are you and what are you doing man?" J'me asked the unknown boy they saw.

The boy looked at them, curiously wondering who they were as well. "Oh me? I'm Calvin Lewis and I'm in the middle of figuring out what happened here."

J'me and Ryan introduced themselves as well and told Calvin why they were here. There was one slight problem with this Calvin person though. He looked like someone very similar to a person they knew in their 'previous' lives.

"So, the both of you go to U.A I assume? From the looks of it y’all are in class 1-A." Calvin said with a monotone voice, he sort of just wanted to solve this mystery. 

Both boys stayed quiet for a few moments trying to figure out how Calvin knew they were in class 1-A. It was simple enough to figure out they went to U.A since the boys did say so.

"Uh yeah...Calvin was it? How did you figure out we were in class 1-A?" Ryan finally decided to speak up and ask the question.

"Well, from the way you two act I honestly doubted y’all were in any other courses except the hero one that is. And y’all aren’t in class 1-B like I am so yeah." Calvin told J’me and Ryan to follow him since he found something that could help them find out what happened to Kairo.

"Wait, you go to U.A as well? I'm surprised to be honest since you're like hella fucking tall. Shit you even taller than Ryan." J'me just kinda stared at how tall Calvin was when he asked the question and made the comments.

Ryan on the other hand, gave J'me a death glance and punched him in the arm. "Bitch."

The shortest boy of the three flinched at the hit and rubbed his arm. "Why you always gotta beat me, what I do to you?"

"How many times do I have to tell you, it's called getting your body stronger." Ryan responded with a somewhat sarcastic tone in his voice.

Calvin just looked at the other two boys and let out a sigh. "Smh my head. Will ya just zip it for the next minute?"

Both of the boys looked at Calvin and nodded their heads.

Meanwhile J'me was trying to figure out who Calvin was. The way he spoke and acted was similar to someone he knew in his previous life.

A few moments passed before they arrived in the place Calvin wanted to show them. "I assume this was your friend, Kairo." 

Was? They were both confused on what he meant like that. Surely Kairo was just knocked out, there was no way someone could actually kill him...right?

The two boys took a couple steps forward in front of Calvin. They wanted to see just what he meant by that.

Upon seeing the dead corpse that was Kairo, J'me's stomach dropped. His best friend of over 8 years was truly gone, though he didn't want to believe this nightmare was real. 

He crouched down next to the dead body, checking the vitals of the corpse to see if he was truly gone. He was. J'me wanted to cry yet no tears could flow down no matter what. It felt like control was out the door though he still had his hand on it. 

Meanwhile Ryan wasn't taking this well either. He started blaming himself for what happened, if only...if only he would have jogged with Kairo. Would that have even changed anything? He didn't know but to be honest, Ryan would rather have his life taken than Kairo's.

"I'm sorry about y'all's guys lost, but this isn't a time to be sad. We have to figure this out and your friend justice." Calvin was a bit sad about the loss of a person, but he didn't know him so the only thing he could do was at least give Kairo some justice.

The boys nodded and began to search the area for any clues. About 10 meters out from the body was a blood trail.

J'me luckily found it and started following it. The trail navigated through the forest and to some plains. There was a huge blood pool near the exit of the forest, other than that it was completely gone.

A few minutes he called over Calvin and Ryan to check the trail and pool out, asking if they had any clues about the blood.

The two boys examined it, being careful not to mess anything up. At the end of it, they couldn't figure out how Kairo was killed or who the blood belonged to.

"Um...how about we take pictures of this and show EarserHead tomorrow?" Ryan asked, kind of hesitant to even do so though since his head was fogged up with his thoughts blaming him for his friend's death.

"Yeah...maybe he can help us figure out who murdered him." J'me let out a shaky quiver from his lips. It was basically time to examine the body and the wounds Kairo suffered. 

The shirt he was wearing was torn up, revealing multiple cuts along his torso and stomach, going in an ‘X’ formation. The cuts looked vigorous, almost as if that weren’t caused by a knife. Dried blood was all over his body and floor, it seemed like a homicide more than anything. After further examination Kairo suffered broken ribs as well as his skull being cracked open in the back.

“Jesus...who the hell could do something like this? This is honestly fucked up. And why Kairo? Out of all 7 fucking billion people in this world why him? This is complete bullshit!” J’me stood up and kicked the dirt in frustration. 

Ryan just kept looking at the dead body of his friend. He wanted to run, scream, fight the person who killed Kairo. Without any evidence he couldn’t do anything but blame himself for the death of his homie.

Calvin was trying to stay calm as possible. He didn’t need to break out into his emotions no matter what. He let the other two boys do what they needed to do to calm themselves down and return to the mystery at hand.

"You guys want to take a blood sample? It might help us figure out who killed your friend."

Both Ryan and J’me looked at Calvin, they had sort of a confused look on their faces. How were they supposed to take a blood sample when they didn’t have anything to get one with. 

Calvin just stared at them with no emotions on his face. "What? I have a small tube we can put the blood in." The boy then pulled out a small test tube from his jacket pocket. “Once I saw the body I went back home and grabbed one just in case.”

That totally doesn’t seem suspicious at all. Ya know the casual character somehow having a test tube. Makes total sense right?

Ryan and J’me looked at Calvin as if that wasn’t weird at all. They both did end up agreeing though.

Once the blood and photos were gathered, J’me made a couple calls so Kairo could have a proper funeral. Afterwards all three of them went on their way.

Ryan went straight home, not wanting to do anything but repeatedly blame himself.

Now Calvin was the only one of the three that stayed behind. He checked the area near Kairo’s body in case he could find any more clues. Not really finding anything else he went home somewhat disappointed in himself.

J’me made a quick stop at his house, running in, placing the photos and test tube on his nightstand. He washed his hands in the kitchen so he could glance at the clock.

4:12PM

Surely U.A was over at this point. The boy dried his hands with some paper towels, grabbed his phone and left the house in a hurry. He didn’t want to be anywhere close to where his best friend was killed. 

J’me unlocked his phone once he got out of the house, immediately calling Kirishima without a second of hesitation. The phone rang for a few seconds before someone picked up.

"Hey! J’me, what’s up?" It was the friendly voice of Kirishima, someone that could be trusted with anything.

"Kirishima...meet me at the beach." J'me sounded on the verge of crying because it was true, he wanted to cry but held it in for the time being.

"Why? What's the matter J'me?" Kirishima was concerned for his friend. After all he just calls, tells him to meet at the beach and sounds like he's going to cry.

"Just fucking do it Kirishima!...please." He hung up without saying bye or anything of the sort and just ran to the beach, not stopping for anyone or thing.

Kirishima quickly puts his phone up and his shoes on. He ran out the door and to the beach as well, worried about his friend.

J'me is the first to arrive at the beach. While he waits for Kirishima to show, he sits down on the sand and tries to clear his thought process.

Minutes passed before Kirishima also arrived at the beach. It took him a couple seconds to find his friend, but once he did Kirishima ran straight to him as fast as he could.

"J'me! Buddy what's wrong?" He asked with a concerned tone in his voice as he rubbed his friends back.

"We… we were able to figure out what happened to Kairo. He was killed… we don't know who did so that's currently what we're trying to figure out." J'me held his head down for the whole time, not wanting Kirishima to see him crying.

Kirishima kept on rubbing J'me's back as he sat down on the sand as well. "I'm sorry… even if I didn't know him like you did, I'm pretty sure he was a good friend and would have been a good classmate."

"I knew him for 8 years, this is such bullshit… why did it have to be him? It could have been anyone else but him…" J'me complained, wishing it could have been someone else that he didn't know instead of Kairo.

Kirishima didn't know what else to do so he just let J'me ramble on. "It's gonna be okay buddy… no matter what happens I'm sure Kairo didn't want you to sit here and cry." He talked softly, sorta not wanting to hurt J'me more.

"No… it's not gonna be okay. I lost my fucking friend, how is it supposed to be okay? Besides, even if it is okay I still have to live with the feeling that I couldn't even save him…" He started to feel many things at this point. Depression, guilt, anger, and other feelings that he couldn't explain.

"Just trust me J’me, everything will be okay as long as you have all of your other friends. And even if you knew what was going to happen, you wouldn’t have been able to save him. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth bro…" Kirishima hated to admit it, but it was indeed true. 

"I know, but still, I wish I knew what would have happened so I could at least be prepared. It’s just… we have been through so much shit together and we should have became heroes." J’me slowly wiped the tears off of his face. He let out a small shaky breath and looked forward at the ocean.

"I am going to become the greatest hero for Kairo."

Kirishima listened till he decided it was a good time to talk. "That’s the spirit J’me!" Deep down the red hair boy was jealous of his friend. He was able to keep going forward without one of his friends in the living realm anymore. How was he supposed to keep up with someone who could keep pushing through no matter what problems came their way? 

"Everything is going to be fine, just keep pushing buddy. I believe in you J’me."

J'me smiled slightly and looked at Kirishima. "Thanks Kirishima, I believe in you as well. I know you'll become a great hero as well." 

The red haired boy chuckled and patted J'me's back. "You know the future, that's the only reason you know." 

J'me smiled a bit more as he stood up and dusted himself off. He helped Kirishima to his feet before speaking. "Even if I do know the future, it can change without me even knowing."

Kirishima nodded in agreement and gave J'me a hug. "No matter what happens I'll be in your corner and I'll have your back, got it."

J'me was a bit surprised by the hug, but he did return it. "Got it," he let go of Kirishima a few seconds later. "I'll see you tomorrow Kirishima, I hope they don't shut UA down because of this…"

Kirishima also let go the same time J'me did. "I don't think they will, but I'm not entirely sure. I hope they don't either." 

J'me nodded and said his goodbyes. Once he did, the boy turned around and started his journey home. 

Kirishima also went home, wanting to get some extra sleep since school was no joke at times.

Once J'me got home, he opened the door and slowly took his shoes off. He double checks the door, making sure it's locked before going to his room

The boy sits down on the bed and grabs the photos that were taken earlier. It was worse to look at now then it was hours ago, maybe it was because he'd almost gotten over the death of Kairo? Who knows.

He felt the urge to throw his guts up, so he placed the photos down and laid in his bed. This entire day was stupid to him, but at the same time it helped him learn something. He had friends looking over him and he had Kairo looking down upon him in the clouds above.

[vidadaily]

Vida 3x05 Cast Live Tweets (2 /3)

Ser: They throw around the word queer like nothing Gladys: Eddy is hella old school. Let her live! Lindsey: Homies Annie and Vico back in action! Vico: Yasssss!! Esti: The chorus of Vida queers are both adorable and my worst social distancing nightmare Ser: Hahaha Chelsea: Damn I would love to see Nico in drag! Tanya: Who knows was a "PACKIE" is? Tanya: It’s a fake flaccid penis used in drag or for presentation. Esti: Do the packies make anyone else feel funny? Tanya: Good funny. Esti: Enjoyable Ser: I love the idea behind the making and creating the theme of Drag King performance- Edward James Olmos, Danny Trejo and Danny Trejo Lindsey: Man someone do Desi Arnaz or I’m gonna flip! #babaloooo

Esti: It is an honor to be identified as “the butches” Ser: Fuck yeah! Butch lesbian love right here🏳️‍🌈 Ser: To Wong Foo, foo? Oh hell nah Rocky don’t play their games lol

Chelsea: Karla and Johnny arguing🤦‍♀️ Ser: Ahora, Johnny and Karla están peleándose (Now Johnny and Karla are fighting)

Chelsea: That suegra damn. All the shade and rudeness Ser: Mamitis to the max! Ser: Oh no she didn’t just call Lynn a cualquiera! Lindsey: We all know what a cualquiera means mami. Tanya: Lyn, I wouldn't go toe to toe with Doña Silvia... No vas a ganar. Ser: Basically, Rudy is all just smile and look pretty for the camera 🤮 Chelsea: Okay I am official not on team Rudy

Esti: Tanya, do you think the girls use the bar bathroom on the regular or go upstairs? Tanya: Lyn uses it. Emma just fucks or throws up in there. Esti: Thank you for settling this Tanya: Always.

Ser: Eddy walks in on Monica ... 👀 Ser: Eddy has no clue what Monica is saying lol Clowey que?? Tanya: A little clue... 😉 Ser: Just enough Ser: Binder talk!!! Gladys: Eddy’s still got it! Tanya: That king Monica is coming on STRONG for Eddy and I'm here for it. I loved shooting this and editing it. Eddy's so adorable! Mishel: Monica is a catch! Tanya: But also a tigeraza, as your people say... Mishel: hahahah Tanya: Eddy can't handle a hot girl (in drag) flirting with her. "Girl, you're a catch!" Ser: Eddy runs out of there so fast haha Ser: Eddy, it got hot in here ...🔥 I’m out!!💨

Taylor (Writer): You might see me performing in dude drag in tonight’s VIDA episode. Directed by Tanya and written by the amazing Jenn Gomez. I’m so happy I could cry, bruh Tanya: Did you see it yet? I’m so happy with it! So proud of Jenn so proud of y’all! I love this episode! Taylor: And thank you for giving this awesome space for drag kings jefa!!!! Tanya: I wish we coulda had you all perform at the premiere but... well, la pinche Rona! That would have been such a great goodbye! Chelsea: Aww Nico seems so down :( Tanya: I've loved Renee Goust 's Cumbia Feminazi for a long time and I'm so happy we got a chance to get it in the show! Renee: Por eso hoy les decía que no hagan caso a quien les diga que su mensaje no está chido o les aconseje que cambien su trip. Tarde o temprano nos vamos encontrando unas a otras, morras* Such an honor, Tanya. I💓VIDA soOoO hard. Thank you!

Lindsey: This spit back into the bottle is my favorite part of the episode! Lol! #rockyforever Tanya: Iconic spitback from Adelina Xicana , I agree... Esti: Rocky and eddy have the best chemistry of all time. I friend-ship them. Is that how shipping works? Ser: 😍the best BFF everrrr Tanya: There's our spinoff! Esti: Also should rocky be my new quarantine look? Gladys: Grow that rat tail out!

Chelsea: Damn Monica is not very subtle lmao Mishel: She knows what she wants Tanya: She turned out to be a bit predatory... Kinda pushy. But I like it. Esti: Yo tambien. (Me too) Ser: Eddy is gushing haha Ser: Eddy can sure take a shot right about now Ser: Truly love this queer/lesbian bar talk Ser: Eddy’s blushing! Whatever foo, stooopid. Haha

Ser: So is this Nico moment genuine or...😱 Tanya: Yes. She got freaked out by the rooftop and what happened... Lindsey: Do we think it was rapey between nico and Emma? I thought both were into it but it’s complicated as fuck. Esti: Nico was kinda suspect at that queerce. This soft boi amends is also a little 🤔 Tanya: Yeah, yall don't listen to Esti. Nico's good... yeah, there are some soft boi vibes, but... they're being misinterpreted. She good. #teamNico Esti: [later] Just watched the end. I stand corrected :) Tanya: Nico's really troubled about being distracted by Emma... shiny objects, right? But seriously, being with Emma on the rooftop while she was under the influence is out of character for Nico and that's got her shook... Ser: Two week notice ?! Chelsea: Nooo Nico! You can’t quit! Lindsey: Oh no she quitting! W. T. F. San Miguel Allende!? Write at home Nico! Ser: Nico needs healing Gladys: I want to see where Nico goes after this. So much left to tell. Mishel: So much

[uzumaki-rebellion]

“Stark’s New Intern” Chp. 4

Summary: Erik takes a stand and also helps a friend...sort of.

“He's got infinite possibilities I can see them now It's the unbroken chains of his past by which he's bound He's got infinite possibilities I can feel them now If he chooses well, then nothing can tear him down

Peace of mind Is not easy for him to find And he's walkin' a thinner line In a place where another man is keeping his time Though he's young He's not like everyone He sees what he's become And he'd rather be standing in the sun…”

Amel Larrieux -- “Infinite Possibilities”

  Erik ended up staying longer than he thought he would. He even enjoyed himself. Maria and Valentina stuck with him and he found that he had a lot more in common with them than he first suspected. Any trepidation he had with Maria being on his team disappeared. She was sharp as a tack. And thoughtful. Her detail-oriented personality let him know that she was there to put in work. He was glad he hung out with her. Curtis showed up and Erik was happy not to be the only Black guy present.

Valentina, on the other hand, was something else. She was determined to be in the final ten Stark chose at the end of the three months. Erik believed she would be. While Maria was detail-oriented, Valentina leaned toward the big picture. She had a visionary mind. She discussed problems with the current state of biometrics and they fell in line with Erik’s concerns on the use of it in marginalized communities. They spent the rest of the evening drinking more beer and sharing their interview stories.

Erik kept his eye on Giselle, but she didn’t talk to him very much. She was on a mission to network. He didn’t see her drink anything while she was there. She did stick around Roland and he noticed several times that her arm candy kept touching her hand or the small of her back when they moved around the pool together. So that’s what was up with her. Erik tried to figure out what he lacked to get her attention. His age? His color? His coarse edge? Maybe he came off too stand-offish. He had enough alcohol in his system to smooth his rough edges, or at least he felt that way. He was laughing a lot and going out of his way to meet new people now. Each time he tried to get next to her, she was off to the next group of interns and he finally gave up.

Things were going well until Wesley decided to pick at Erik again. Someone had brought a cooler filled with artisanal beers, and Erik was reaching for a cider ale when Wesley and two other male interns surrounded him.

Erik popped open his ale and took a sip trying to figure out where things were headed.

“Guess you’ll be lunching with Stark a lot more?” Wesley asked.

“Nah,” Erik said, still sizing up the situation.

“We heard you complained to Stark and got some good people kicked out.”

“You heard wrong,” Erik said, feeling his jawline tighten.

“No, we heard right. One of the people whose life you ruined is a good friend of mine. Not cool.”

“I ain’t do shit,” Erik said stepping closer to Wesley.

“One phone call to my Dad and this is the end of the road for you homie.”

Wesley’s two buddies snickered.

Erik rolled his neck. It was always some stupid white boy who insisted on testing Erik when all he wanted to do was work his thing in peace. It was like that during high school, Annapolis, and now at Stark Industries. As his Grandpop always said, ofays stayed irritating Black folks for no reason. Just cause. Erik studied Wesley and his pals. Were they bored? Jealous? Pissed that their friends had faced consequences for the first time? Consequences dealt out by a powerful white man they thought was on their side? Erik’s father was always the diplomat in their family, but he had too much of his Mama in him to go that route tonight. Wesley moved in closer and Erik saw the man’s finger come up to shove him in his chest. Before that pissy white finger touched him, Erik cold-cocked Wesley in the face with his right fist and the crowd watched him fall back into the pool. Out cold.

“He’s knocked out!”

The scream came from Wesley’s friend and Erik laughed at him because his voice sounded so shrill and cartoonish. The other friend jumped into the pool to save Wesley from drowning. Erik sipped his ale and walked over to the jacuzzi.

There was a frenzy of people scrambling to help Wesley, and Erik watched the man’s lax body revive once he was dragged out of the deep end of the pool. He looked punch drunk and confused as to how he came to be in the water.

Valentina gave out a husky drunken laugh next to Erik in the jacuzzi while Maria watched the drama with a hand over her mouth. He watched Giselle shake her head at Wesley and when her eyes met Erik’s for one of the rare times she looked at him all night, she threw up her hands as if to say “What the fuck?”

He waved for her to come to the jacuzzi, but she followed Roland out of the pool area as he helped assist Wesley to his apartment.

“What a prick,” Valentina said. She tipped her bottle of beer to clink with Erik’s New England pale ale.

“You think he’s okay?” Maria asked.

“Fuck him,” Erik said. He wasn’t sure, but he felt like he had slurred his words. He had a good buzz but didn’t think he was that drunk.

“You hit him so hard,” she said.

“Knocked him out of his flip flops,” Curtis said jumping into the jacuzzi and handing Erik a fresh ale. They all started laughing when they saw Wesley’s flip flops lying by the side of the pool. No one bothered to pick them up for him.

“You sent that fool flying!” Curtis yelped.

“They stay testing,” Erik said.

“Betcha he won’t do that again,” Curtis said.

They sat in the jacuzzi until one by one and in groups of twos and threes people departed. The shindig ended. In the final count, Erik and Maria were the only ones left. It was past ten.

“Despite Wesley, today was a good day,” Maria said. She sat up out of the jacuzzi to cool down. Her ink-black hair was slicked back and it gave her face a sophisticated look. She really was cute. Sexy cute. Good girl possible freak-nasty cute. The ale was really making him wavy now. Maria went from annoying to a mini snack in four hours. He must’ve been really feeling his buzz. Bone deep at that point.

“You feel more confident?” he asked.

“Yes, I am. Valentina is hella cool—”

“Please, don’t try to talk like me—”

“Okay, Pa—”

“That’s not how that works. Just stop.”

She kicked water at him and he grabbed her foot and pushed her back. She laughed and pulled her foot away.

“I think we have a good team,” she said. She drank from her bottle of beer.

“I agree.”

“You think there will be blowback from Wesley?”

“Nah. We’ve all been drinking. Letting out steam. He’ll get over it.”

“I’m surprised Giselle didn’t hang out with us.”

“She’s all up in Roland’s ass.”

“He is gorgeous—”

“Every tall blonde ain’t gorgeous—”

“I beg to differ.”

“Keep begging then.”

She kicked water at him again.

“You want to get punched too?” he teased.

“You would hit a girl?”

“Whatchu think?”

“Yeah, you would.”

“I mean if she had it coming…I mean really had it coming—”

“Are you serious?”

He rolled his eyes. She looked over his shoulder.

“Wesley’s flip flops are still there!” she said.

They both belly-laughed until they had cramps in their stomachs. It took a few moments in their drunken stupor to stop having giggle fits over a pair of orphaned plastic sandals.

“I saw that dude Holden talking to you. Looks like you two were hitting it off.”

Maria’s face grew bashful.

“Uh oh, a love connection,” Erik said grinning at her.

“I don’t know…maybe…”

“He likes you, right?”

“Yeah. I like him too. He’s smart and funny and he loves Attack on Titan just as much as I do…”

Her voice faded and she took another drink from her beer.

“So…w’sup?” he asked. His skin felt too hot and he lifted up to sit on the top step of the jacuzzi.

Her eyes dropped down and she put her beer bottle down. “Maria?”

“Don’t laugh okay?”

“Laugh at what?”

“I don’t want you giving me weird looks—”

He kicked water her way.

“Spit it out, girl. Before I fall asleep.”

The water made him drowsy. He was ready to head back to the apartment.

“This is the beer talking because I am very drunk right now, but I’m twenty-one and I’m still a virgin. I haven’t even kissed a guy. Ever.”

Erik stared at her for a long while. Maria closed her eyes and waited for him to say something. When he didn’t, she opened her eyes back up and stared at him.

“Well?” she said, her voice shy.

“Well, what?”

“Go ahead and make fun of me. I can see it in your eyes.”

“I don't know what you think you see in my eyes, but I’m not going to make fun of you. You’re a virgin. Never kissed a guy…so what?”

“C’mon dude—”

“C’mon what?”

“No guy wants to be with someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing. That’s not sexy—”

“Actually, it kinda is. There are still dudes who want to be the first to hit it…and quit it—”

Maria rolled her eyes and folded her hands across her chest, her breath huffy, and her face looking disappointed in his answer.

“I’m playing, girl. Ain’t nothing wrong with not having experience. If y’all like each other, that’s all that matters.”

“He was holding my hand when we were sitting over by the pool chairs, and he leaned over to kiss me and I froze up. I started drinking my beer and the moment was lost. My first kiss and I blew it because I was so nervous to do it. And that was just a kiss.”

“It ain’t like you have to jump in bed with dude. Take your time. You got yourself all worked up for nothing.”

“Easy for you to say. You have experience.”

“How you know that? I could be a virgin and unkissed too. You don’t know—”

“With those lips and that body?”

He laughed.

“See!” she said.

He laughed harder and her face fell.

“Okay…okay…I’m sorry for laughing at you. You just look so crestfallen and I promise you it’s not that serious.”

He slipped down into the jacuzzi and waded over to her. Her face was still twisted up in a hard grimace. He stood in front of her and pushed her thighs open, pulling her hips closer to the edge of the jacuzzi. Her eyes widened and he saw her chest quicken with extra deep breaths as she gazed up at his face.

“It’s simple,” he said cradling the back of her neck, “just put your lips on him like this.”

He pressed his full lips into her soft mouth and let it linger a moment. He felt her trembling and when he released her, her eyes were still closed.

“See? There you have it. Your very first kiss,” he said.

His eyes caught movement in his periphery.

Shit.

“Giselle!” he called out watching the one person he wanted to spend time with walk away from him with quick steps out of the pool gate.

He turned to look back at Maria.

“Erik, I don’t feel—”

A stream of vomit flew from Maria’s mouth onto his chest and into the jacuzzi.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Giselle! I need help!” he called out.

###

Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5

Tag List:

@fonville-designs​ @soufcakmistress  @cherrystainedlipsbaby @tclaybon  @thadelightfulone @allhailqueennel @bartierbakarimobisson @cpwtwot @shookmcgookqueen @yoyolovesbucky @raysunshine78 @the-illllest @terrablaze514  @l-auteuse @amirra88 @jimizwidow @janelledarling @chaneajoyyy @sweetestdream92 @purple-apricots @blackpinup22 @hennessystevens-udaku @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @bugngiz @stariamrry  @honeytoffee

[weirdgirl-14-art]

22 24 25 26 and (ill regret this) 29 for jeffery, nevarra, and bamner

22. What kind of student were they/would they be in high school?

Bamner was educated-- he was very studious, a good student and well rounded.  Would have been, like, a “jock,” --- I mean....you know, being a Knight, athletics.  Friendly, gets along with everyone--- helps everyone with their homework and projects even if you’re not in the same group or even in the same class.  (Doesn’t help cheat-- against cheating) 

Jeffery was not educated because ~poverty~ -- but if he was, he’d be that shy, quiet kid that keeps to himself for the most part.  He’d be a really good, smart (maybe not straight A’s, but a mix of B+’s and A-’s), probably gets left to do most of the work in group projects but doesn’t complain.  That type of kid that he’ll open up to if you make the first move to socialize with him, but good.  Probably got along with the teachers more than his own age group.

Nevarra was Slave, so no edumacation--- but if they were, they’d probably be on the more trouble maker side.  Probably not straight A’s, but I genuinely believe that Nevarra would float pretty alright in grades-- and it’s not like they’re struggling in class, but because they approach assignments and projects differently.  I imagine that they do love to learn as a high schooler and try to learn as much as they can as fast as they can, but they hate the education system, and tries to, like....call BS on things and that’s what gets them in trouble. That’s my headcannon at least. 

24. What is their outlook on life? What is their philosophy / what do they think in general about living?

Bamner:  “Life can be hard.  The world can be cruel and unreasonable at times.  Despite it all, don’t ever stop.  Don’t ever give up.  My biggest regret in life was that there was a time where I did give up-- but not anymore.  The is still much to hope for in this world.”  

Jeffery:  “You’re not always going to understand everything in life-- good things will happen and bad things will happen without knowing why.  Sometimes people stay, sometimes they leave, and then you encounter someone new and you wouldn’t have expected that you can’t live without them.  As much as I like to look forward to a bright and happy future-- I want to live in the here-and-now.  I want to hold onto my loved ones and live in the present with them-- no matter how chaotic, confusing or terrifying everything might be in the moment, at least we have the Right Now together, because the future can be uncertain.”

Nevarra:  “Everyone deserves happiness.  Everyone deserves to live their own life to their fullest.  Do not treat others with injustice or look down on them-- everyone has the right to freedom in their lives.  When evil is at work, it’s our job to put a stop to it and encourage the good in the world.” (headcannon-- along the lines in a fancy manner?  That, and “Punch Bad Guys” vibes)  

25. What inspired you to create them / how did you create them? Were they originally a fancharacter? What was their personality / design like when you first made them?

Nevarra is your character--- but they have been wild and great.  I just remember they were more chaotic in the start of the campaign, and, like......steal everything, try to own something because they grew up as a slave and suffered injustices and family torn apart and/or killed.  Like...they tried to steal a table, man.  They tried to be like, “I work alone”---- but then over time, they got a Fiance by proposing to them at first sight, they got hella rad friends they trust, they want to help everyone and hard core revolutions and all that stuff.  Finally, Nevarra has more self control (still wild chaotic, but you know), and in the Castle Storming, Nevarra grabbed a table....and used it to fight back, not really thinking of ownership and all that jazz and that’s character development.  I’m doing a horrible job at describing them I’m so sorry I’m really bad with other people’s OCs because perception differences I just what you to know I think they’re rad!

Bamner Lightsunder wasn’t a fan character-- all original.  Bamner was based off the concept of a Great Hero who’ve fallen far from grace-- not like, turned evil, but lost hope, motivation, etc.  Like most Veterans, he struggled with coping--- he suffered guilt and blamed himself for the fall of the Foreriver Kingdom (even though it really wasn’t).  He descended into alcoholism and suffered from war flashbacks.  He did his best to raise Jeffery, an orphan, and make him happy and tried to install good morals as he grew despite everything he himself was feeling or going through.  Even when Bamner felt there was no hope left in living, he wanted Jeffery to believe there’s always something worth fighting for--- even when you think you’ve lost everything.  Bamner was designed to be this kind of war hero, and he was designed so that the revolution was supposed to bring him out of this state-- so he can say to himself, “There’s still hope worth fighting for.”  

Jeffery was raised by Bamner.  Straight up--- I didn’t think y’all were going to get much out of him other than that, but you did!  I designed Jeffery to be, like-- while Bamner as the old generation, those who witnessed and suffered from the Drow Invasion and the Fall of the Foreriver the most, Jeffery was designed to represent the new Generation, the young generation--- a generation who still believed that they can change, that there’s still a chance for them.  He didn’t experience the tragedy of the Foreriver Fall, lost most youths, so that’s what makes him different from Bamner.  I always knew that Jeffery was going to be quiet and introverted--- part of it is because of rough childhood start at a young age (Drow Tyranny), the other half is because that’s just...inherently who he is.  I do know, 100%, he was meant to be this Nerd-Knight Dude that just appreciates the wild personality that is The Party.  A homie.

26. Who is the most important person in their life? Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why?

Bamner:  It was Queen Rohesia Foreriver, but now it’s Jeffery.  Queen Foreriver, he served as her Knight (and the kings, but whatever)-- they were close friends....  But after adopting and Raising Jeffery, by wanting to Jeffery have hope, it made room for the Party to say to Bamner, “Hey, why don’t you start believing, too?”  King Vexacion, the evil Drow Tyrant, is the least important to him--- he hates him.  He killed the King and Queen Foreriver and caused so much suffering to those he cared about.

Jeffery:  The most important person in their life right now is, straight up, Nevarra.  He loves them.  Like their relationship has been wild-- saying yes to a proposal to someone you just met in the middle of the fight?  He admits, that was such a crazy thing either of them did--- but know what?  He doesn’t regret it.  Considers it the best decision in his life.  Nobody knows this, but Nevarra was the first person Jeffery trusted to the same extent he trusted Bamner in that moment.  He enjoys, supports, appreciates, and trusts everything that Nevarra is, and they make him happy.    The least important to him that still has an impact--- straight up,King Vexacion.  Because he’s the reason why his family was taken, and he saw so much suffering that they caused to Bamner (just growing up and watching how much pain Bamner was holding onto).

29. If they could choose their epitaph for their grave, what would they choose?

Bamner:  “Mourn for me not, for I am with my Fellow Knights.”

Jeffery:  "Live with Love and Joy in your Hearts for I wish nothing but your Happiness.”

Nevarra:  “Born a Slave.  Lead a Revolution.  Died for Freedom.  We are capable of change” (serious), that or, “Coming back to Haunt King Vexy: Revolution Part 2″ (humorous).  Idk, I’M SORRY.

tHIS IS LONG, but I hope it’s worth it/that it’s good?  Sorry, I hope I got some good things with Nevarra~!  (I’m always shy about doing other people’s OCs--- just feel like I cannot get them right).  I hope you liked Bamner and Jeffery’s things at least.

[collegiatediaries]

HOT BOY SUMMER: WHILE THE GIRLS ARE AWAY, THE BOYS COME OUT TO PLAY.

What a time to be alive.

First, we win the NCAA championship.

Now, my boy Trayce is a first round pick in the NBA.

So, of course, we had to celebrate. Our homie Richie decided he would throw a lil shindig at his crib for him. Now, who would I be if I didn’t show up and show out.

While I was at the dorm getting ready, my teammate and close friend Hakeem called. “Ay Hakeem, wassup?”

“Wassup bruh?” He replied. We were supposed to meet up and ride to the party together, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he was calling to cancel those plans. He was fully committed to his girlfriend Gia, who was cool as shit. I couldn’t even be mad at him, though I would never turn in my player card. Being solo was my past, present, and future.

“Go ‘head and say it.” I told him with a chuckle.

He chuckled too. “I’m not gonna make it to your crib to drink and shoot shit, but I will be coming to the party. Gia-”

“Say no more lover boy.” I cracked.

“One day, you gon meet the right one Jay, and she gonna fuck your head up.” He advised.

“Maybe, but not tonight. I’ll see you when you get there. Tell Gia I said wassup.”

“Will do.” He said before we hung up.

I shook my head as I moved to the bathroom, taking a look at myself in the mirror. Show time, I thought as I moved out of the bathroom, grabbed my keys, and headed out the door to my black and blue Charger.

Richie’s place wasn’t too far from the dorm, so within minutes I was there. I parked my closest to Richie’s apartment building, noting all the cars that lined up the two parking lots on either side of his building. I could hear the music thumping as I pulled in. I parked and hopped out the car, noticing several people were outside drinking and having a good time. Richie always had parties here, and most of the tenants in his building joined in, so they didn’t give a shit what he did.

As I walked through the thin crowd outside, I was showered with congratulations on our team winning the championship, which I humbly thanked them for, but kept it moving. The front door was unlocked, so I was able to walk right on in, bumping into a cute shorty who definitely had drunk more than she needed to. She grabbed my arm and slurred, “Oh my gosh, you look like August Alsina.” I forced a smile and gently pulled her hand away before moving deeper into the apartment, trying to find Trayce and Richie. I heard that shit all the time.

Richie’s apartment was huge, but it felt hella small with all these people in here. I turned my head and saw a shorty I fucked with off and on having fun with her friends. Kendra was always down for whatever, and the head was impeccable. I made a mental note to come back and see if she was down for something before veering my gaze away, finally finding Richie and Trayce. Of course, they both had females all around them tryna flirt. It was the norm. “Wassup!” I greeted once we all made eye contact.

“Wassup Jay!” Trayce exclaimed, moving out of the semi circle full of half naked women to dabbed me up.

“Shiddd, here to congratulate you bro! Lakers bound!” I replied with a grin. Trayce was one of the best all around basketball players I’ve ever seen, and he was also a good friend.

Richie, who looked damn near identical to that singer The Dream, sauntered up and we all had a short conversation. Well, as much as we could with loud music blaring and girls all around tryna catch our attention.

Out the corner of my eye I noticed Kendra, who was standing off to the side, by herself staring at me with a salacious grin. She was a cute girl, with big blue eyes and even bigger titties. She was on the thicker side and had shoulder length blond hair, and by the look in her eyes, she would definitely be down for something tonight, I thought. Telling my homies I’d see them later before making a beeline to her. “Ay, one of the guest rooms is open!” Richie said with a diabolical laugh. I lifted my hand and waved to let him know I heard him before grabbing Kendra by the arm and taking her to the back. The first bedroom was locked, probably reserved for Trayce so his drunk ass would have a place to crash. Richie’s parents were stupid rich so he had a three bedroom apartment just for him. The other two rooms were supposed to be reserved for his family, who came to visit sometimes, but we’ve all spent the night here. It was the place to escape, or just to fuck in peace. Which is what I wanted to do.

Like he said, the second door was unlocked, and no one had snuck inside. As I pulled Kendra inside, I saw my other teammate and friend Remy walking into the kitchen. We traded smirks and he shook his head before I got into the room and locked the door behind us. I immediately went for the button on my cargo shorts. She moved my hands out the way and finished the job, unbuttoning my pants and pulling down both my shorts and my boxers. She immediately got on her knees, as if she read my mind.

As she stared at my dick, I grabbed the back of her head and told her, “Suck this championship dick.” And that’s what she did. She gobbled my dick down her throat like it was nothing and had my toe curling even from my standing position by the bed. My hand stayed gripping the back of her head as she sucked my dick like the pro she was, leaving a trail of saliva as she went. Wet and nasty, just like I liked it. My head fell back and my eyes closed as she continued to suck my dick like it was coated with honey or something. She was sucking it so good, I could barely hear the commotion starting right outside the window. I felt my nut rising, and just as I groaned my release, glass suddenly shattered on the other side of the room. I looked over as I saw some dude’s back crash into the window, causing the glass to shatter. Kendra tried to pull away, but I held her head there until I was done. Then I pulled my dick out of her mouth, pulled on my boxers and shorts as quickly as I could, thankful there was a curtain blocking anyone from viewing what was happening inside and moved quickly out the room. Kendra called out for me, but I didn’t answer, too busy noting the sound of sirens in the distance. I wasn’t surprised that everybody was trying to get the hell out of there too. I managed to get outside and jogged over to my Charger, seeing Hakeem pull up in his Silver Escalade. “Bruh! The cops are on their way! We gotta bust a move!” I yelled as he opened the door and stepped out.

Hakeem, noticing all the people running and jumping in their cars to dip said, “Say no more!” He hopped back in his car and I jumped in mine. We flew out of the parking lot, grateful that there were multiple ways to get in and out of the apartment complex. A few blocks from the scene of the crime, Hakeem stopped right next to me at a stoplight and rolled down his passenger side window, and I rolled down mine. “Ay bruh, everybody is headed to Deacon’s!”

I replied, “Cool. I’m right behind you.”

My phone was vibrating in my pocket, and I knew it was Kendra, but I didn’t feel like talking right now…well, not to her.

Damn, what a night.

[m0uthbr3ather]

So I was working a double yesterday and shit was going great. We were all set up, I made some sick churros for the PDR crew, and I got hella prep done for Monday. During family meal, mom texts me saying she has bad news, so I head to the locker room when I have a few mins free and call her to make sure shits looking good And she tells me that my dog, Cheburashka, that I helped raised and loved for 12 years, the greatest Dude who loved me unconditionally no matter how long I was away for work, who helped me through the best and worst years of my childhood, adolescence and young adulthood, passed away that morning. And while I was fucking devastated, I couldn’t really leave because this was an hour before I had to set up for dinner service. Anyway, while I was trying to hide the fact that my best bud is no longer alive, I was hardcore having an inner meltdown as I tried setting my station up and dealing with all these awful feelings and i had to leave every 20 mins to cry and then force myself to stop through some weird heavy breathing But my chef found out, obviously, and he decided since I refused to get sent home, he’d help out through a mutual love of every coworker ever: shake shack. Homie gave money to one of the dining room creative peeps to secretly get my favorite shake shack order (all gluten free and good to go) and they put it in a little cake box as a ‘feel better’ present. This was one of the bigger things they did out of the many things that happened in the way of cheering me up during a tough time. I have all these mixed feelings today because, you know, it feels like a real family member that I’ve loved and watched grow for 12 years has died, and I guess that is what happened actually, but the love and support I got at work was insane. It was so beautiful and unexpected and it changed a terrible, tragic day into something manageable and kind of beautiful and bittersweet. I have a real family over there and they love me and care about me, but I didn’t realize to what extent until yesterday.

[anxiety-trademark]

The week in review:

Raw 11/02 NXT 11/04 NXT UK 11/05 Smackdown 11/06

Raw:

Alexa just says, “he could be here,” then starts laughing. She’s like a walking red flag.

Love the difference in ‘play’ and ‘pain’, and I love how she’ll wave with either one depending on her intentions. Interesting to note that she’s left-handed, so every time she uses her right for ‘play’ it is absolutely a conscious decision.

Great editing to have Alexa disappear.

Randy’s got a hard life rn lmao.

Mandy and Dana’s gear looks fantastic.

Wow Lana is hella ballsy coming out there during their tag match.

Mandy Rose trying to use Octopus stretch? What an interesting world we live in.

I understand that Dana and Mandy might want the tag titles, I’m just not sure it’s wise to be fighting your future teammates ahead of SvS :/

Dana and Mandy do good team work, I just wish they’d work on the timing for their synchronized cartwheel + kick combo.

Pretty suplex, Shayna. Shayna’s probably the nicest most harmless bull you’ve ever seen. I become more and more of a fan every week.

Damn Mandy plays perfect defense but Shayna kicked out. Good teamwork though.

So Lana’s a face now because Nia and Shayna are assholes who have been tormenting her for like 7ish weeks? Do I have that right?

Oh sad, Lana accidentally screwed Dana and Mandy out of winning the titles. Ahhhh this is why Lana has no friends.

Lmfaooo. “What cuz [Lana’s] a little butthurt that I put her through a table?” “You put Lana through six tabl--” “I TOLD you NOT to say her name in my presence.” pffftt bye.

Weak finish to that promo. Hella rude to threaten to end someone’s career though, Nia. Hella rude.

I love Alexa’s enthusiasm when she’s the Firefly Funhouse version of herself.

Bro what the fuck. Christ these always have so much to digest.

I don’t... I don’t know what exactly her trick is... was that blood? Are we going for blood? That didn’t look like blood. It looked like melted fucking organs or something (or melted down candy/licorice/gelatin but let’s not get meta and ruin the fun)

I love the contacts. That’s an interesting look that I wish she’d carry on in her present day matches once she transforms into her evil, alternate self. Also noted that he used his ‘heal’ hand to turn her into the blood spitting, warped version... and I think it was the same last time, right? Was it his ‘heal’ hand last time? What does that mean in his eyes??

These are such a mindfuck ever since she joined his Funhouse. That’s not a complaint.

Why are they having Nia fight in 2 matches tonight? Why couldn’t they push this off a week?

First off, I really don’t like Lacey and Peyton together, and I’m actually quite fond of Lacey. She’s not the best worker, but she’s a fantastic entertainer, and that deserves much more respect than a random tag team with Peyton Royce.

Second, LOL at Shayna immediately clearing off the announce table. This is gonna be tragic and unfair. If I’m Lana, why the hell would I accept this match? Ego? WHAT EGO DOES LANA HAVE lol. This should be pointless in her eyes.

Lana your bravery isn’t gonna get you shit. Is Asuka gonna come out? Cuz that’s the only way you survive this.

Normally you won’t hear me cry about no selling like the dumbass iwc, but Lana did a pretty fucking high worked kick and should’ve nailed Nia in the side of the head/neck. Why wasn’t there a reaction to that? Lame. That should’ve stunned Nia at the very least. Made her flinch? Anything??

LMAO Nia just called her a pathetic piece of crap. Rolling.

Nia breaks up the pinfall attempt on Lana herself x2. Fantastic heel work. Don’t see that enough.

Peep the red marks on Lana’s back. Sad.

Fuck man, table number 7. That’s... that’s sad. Pretty bummed that NOBODY will come help her. 7 fucking times, whew.

Having a lot of the women appear multiple times tonight. Looking at how the Raw women’s division is being booked, I gotta say, SD is kinda over-bloated.

Oh cool I can actually see Alexa’s white tattoo on her shoulder blade in this lighting.

Nikki I’d advise you to not speak ill of the fiend. Also lesbireal, you iced her out the second you didn’t win the title against Bayley all those months ago.

Fucking LOVE those contacts why weren’t they a permanent part of her look as this version???

Highlight: Firefly Funhouse

---

NXT:

Ahh I love Dakota and Raquel’s matching colors.

Tbf, Dakota is a stepping stone, she just SHOULDN’T be cuz she’s way too good for that.

Dakota is so fucking scrawny. I really hope she isn’t just deemed a jobber on the MR. She needs to keep that speed up or bulk up a little.

lolol you know what Ember, you fucked around and ate a ringpost. Serves you right.

Nice armbar, Dakota. Now sit up and lock in the dis-arm-her (she won’t)

Dakota’s leading this match, peeped that call.

Ember’s suicide dive is so vicious. Like a missile straight up impaling her opponent.

LOL Dakota dodged the second. Again serves you right, the double suicide dive is Seth’s move.

Damn Dakota fucking NAILED her with that kick upside the head. You seeing stars Ember? Cuz you should be seeing stars. That was NOT a thigh slapper, that had an audible pop.

Yeahhh Dakota is absolutely the face in this match and you cannot tell me different. Ember’s arrogance is infuriating. Girl legit failed on the MR and she comes down there with an ego (in kf) tf outta here.

Love how people in nxt are constantly trying to use the Bank Statement but it NEVER looks as good as Sasha’s. Take a hint.

Love how Dakota utilizes these arm bars, that’s so random to me, has she always used submissions? Probably.

Why are we showing Ember dramatically hulk up like I care?

“This is Ember’s law” WHAT IS EMBER’S LAW FFS

HAHA atta girl Dakota, atta girl. That’s the homie, good for you. Fuck Ember’s law.

Shotzi PLEASE I could actually like you if you didn’t make me want to punch my 27″ monitor every time you fucking howled.

Also why you’d ever choose to face Toni over Rhea is beyond me but whatever.

This is not a whole new Toni Storm. You’re the friggin same. Ember has changed more than you and she didn’t even have a heel turn.

And why is the term ‘stepping stone’ being shoved down my throat this week?

Interesting that Io has chosen to tie things up with Rhea, but that’s to be expected. See now, if I was wwe, I would’ve called up Rhea immediately after this title match took place, but I already know that doesn’t happen.

Odd that they never show footage of Charlotte when they play back clips of In Your House. Triple h really that salty that she beat Rhea? Fuck man, Rhea needed that loss. Did her good.

Io: “I’m not afraid of Nightmare” I liked that.

“2020 has been complete trash,” what a babyface line by Rhea tbh.

Rhea idk when you’ll get to hold the gold again, but it’s not gonna be anytime soon. Your best hope is that you’ll win the Royal Rumble. Your second best hope is that they’ll move you to Raw and at some point in 2021, you can potentially make the Raw women’s championship meaningful again... what with it being devalued to hell since Becky left. Your realistic hope says maybe you can hold it by the time SummerSlam 2022 rolls around.

oof Shotzi’s big mad lmao. At least we skipped her lengthy entrance and that stupid howl.

Ohhhh nooooo Shotzi botched a vault like 20 seconds in. Oh man that wasn’t even just ugly, she fucking wiped out. Yikes. Yikes. Go back to the pc hun, practice that a couple dozen times more, cuz that’s the type of shit that’s gonna keep you down in nxt.

“you gotta wonder where [Shotzi’s] mind is” sure... sure...

Oh the tank’s a nod to her cousin in the military, interesting.

That cannonball was way too high anyway, Shotzi. You were never gonna make impact with that.

Holy shit Shotzi looks sloppy as fuck tonight. Usually it’s her ring work that I compliment, but good lord. Out here looking like the low card.

“Shotzi Blackheart just has not been herself so far in this one,” no this is practically a carry.

Yikes these restholds. Awful match. Do a Storm Zero and call it a night.

Christ and Shotzi fumbles on Toni’s Northern Lights Suplex. Mk.

“This match has certainly lived up to the hype” wow then y’all have LOW expectations.

No she didn’t get all of the ddt, and she could’ve ended her damn career with a dumb move like that for some throwaway tv match. Holy shit she’s such an extreme indie performer.

WOW so we sit through this long ass dreadful fuck up of a match, do a potential career ending move, then the ref just... stops counting cuz ???? and Candice pops up on screen just to get Shotzi’s attention. Hello? WHAT IS THIS TRAINWRECK. Negative 8 points to Shotzi and Candice (just because I don’t like Candice) and plus 3 to Toni for having to deal with this bullshit on her second match in nxt.

Dumb. Toni should’ve been counted out, and she should’ve been allowed to hit Shotzi with a finisher. Dumb.

lmao fuck that tank. I don’t even like Candice, either. gg. Plus 2 points.

I thought Toni was a heel? Lame. Negative 2 points for continuity.

If Xia says the letters from her family are personal, then they’re personal. Leave her the fuck alone, tmz.

Xia vs Raquel?? Lol good luck man.

Highlight: Dakota vs Ember

---

NXT UK:

Ah a squash match for Jinny, mk.

This girl looks ridiculous.

Nice impact on the Irish Whip into the corner.

Lol no selling Jinny’s stomps, ooookay.

Jinny has this aggressive wrestling style, but I feel like Bayley could toss her around lmao.

Someone give me a dollar every time Jinny calls her ‘stupid’ so I can buy a new car.

Kay so this James girl is hella athletic, that’s nice.

Rolling lightning kick? That’s your finish?? A recklessly blind heel kick while somersaulting??? Alllright, anyway.

lol plz, you’re no queen.

Ah yes a match I have ZERO interest in: Piper vs Jinny. Give KLR a squash match, I’m bored.

SPEAKING OF MY UK QUEEN

Jeeze look at KLR’s arms. Whew.

She’s so much more entertaining than the rest of the division, holy hell.

LOL KLR. Look at her sell that fear. What a fucking performer, goodbye. All the points to KLR.

Piper, KLR’s hair is way too fucking gorgeous for you to be pulling her around by it. The blatant disrespect. And you dare touch her title? Rude. RUDE.

Highlight: KLR existing

---

Smackdown:

Great video package but I have to highlight the way Sasha just sat there against the ropes staring at Bayley for what, 2 minutes? Before even acknowledging she had won the title. That was fantastic.

What’s funny is I watched their hiac match live cuz I wasn’t sure Sasha would actually win, but I never bothered with this one, because I KNEW Sasha’s curse had been broken. I knew it’d be against Bayley that she’d retain her title for the first time.

kekekek Bayley’s so fucking obnoxious.

Beautiful opening sequences. Not often can people do that particular sequence with Sasha, I think I’ve only seen Becky do it on the MR (could be mistaken)

Nice baseball slide while pulling Bayley’s ankle off the apron. Smooth af.

Jeeesus Bayley launched Sasha into the air just for Sasha to smack the apron and crash hard on the floor. Points to everyone.

Bayley playing gassed as if she’s actually tired, when we all know this girl’s stamina is aces above the rest.

Beautiful elbow drop to Bayley as she’s hanging off the apron.

Bayley sort of no sells the backstabber and goes for a messy Bayley to belly as Sasha counters into her Bank Statement. The idea for that sequence was there, the execution was not.

Oh shit Bayley hit her with the Eddie Guerrero swerve that didn’t pan out, and then popped a backstabber on her. Lmao nice.

Sasha kicks out of a Bayley to belly and flying elbow. Guess we’re showcasing her resilience as a champion. Solid.

Bayley’s so fucking fast. I love watching her wrestle when she’s not spending all of her time on the defense, holy shit.

Lmao now Bayley has her in the Bank Statement. Nobody does it like Sasha though, and there’s why.

Great match, great match. Real treat. Le curse is finally broken.

Peeped Sasha kicked her in the face on the apron, just as Bayley did when she turned on her. Nice storytelling. I enjoyed the in ring stuff with these 2, but holy shit I’m glad this feud’s over.

Man oh man do I hate Mella’s lipstick lol. I do, however, like her as Sasha’s first opponent.

Nattie: “I shouldn’t have been put in that triple threat match,” Also Nattie: “I think we should do a triple threat match,” Is ‘crazy cat lady’ ALWAYS going to be Nattie’s gimmick?

I really hate seeing other women besides Charlotte wearing Gucci, and I know that’s fucking insane but it is what it is.

This should’ve been on the show, wtf wwe. 

Do the commentators not know what’s fucking happening lol?

The speed of this is as if they were told they have 3 mins, make everyone shine.

Just watched a match where Charlotte hit a Natural Selection on Nattie while Nattie had the Sharpshooter applied to someone, and she bumped it perfectly. Why that Running Bulldog looked atrocious, I’ll never know.

Should’ve given me the video explaining why this match is happening. Did Sasha and Bayley go over time? Dumb that this was so rushed.

hahaha Nattie got fucked out of 2 svs team qualifying matches in a row. That’s hilarious.

Highlight: Bayley vs Sasha

---

*Raw shined the brightest as a whole, but Bayley vs Sasha was the star segment of the week.

[the-stemetery714]

All the questions 😉

I usually ignore this when people request it but it’s 1:30 AM and I’m bored. It’s your lucky day.

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?I don’t know who that was but I’ll assume it was a friend, so yeah.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?Absolutely not.

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?Probably when I was very close to buying a house a few weeks ago.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?Please. I’m southern lol.

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?I’m not dating or talking to anyone.

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?Of course.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?Boxers and a flannel.

8. How often do you listen to music?If I’m alone, I’m basically always listening to music.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?I never wear sweats.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?Lmao damn these questions old.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?Social.

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?Lmao like a lot. That used to be a joke amongst my friends. My first 3 girlfriends names started with A.

13. What about ‘R’?Yeah.

14. Can you drive a stick shift?Nope.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?Yeah, I really do, actually.

16. Are you going out of town soon?Not that I can think of. Unless UGA goes to the National Championship. Then I’m going to try to sell me soul for tickets with Jade. 😂

17. When was the last time you cried?Yesterday.

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?Jesus Christ, I’m 27.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?No. I like my eyes.

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?Um no.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.Day’s over with, homie. But I slept hella late because I was up so late the night before and I hate that.

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?These questions were made for teenagers.

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?Nope.

24. What are you sitting on right now?I’m laying in bed.

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?Of course.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?Oh yeah lol

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?Probably Audra.

28. Do you get a lot of colds?No.

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?Like Goodwill or some shit lol. Best place to get flannels tbh

30. Does anyone hate you?Well if they do, they’re probably stupid.

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?Sighs. I’m 27.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?Not really.

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?Negative cap’n.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?I don’t think I would. But if I was going to, probably 2016 or 2013.

35. Did you have a dream last night?Not that I remember.

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?I told my friend that when I left her house a couple hours ago.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?I really hope so but I’m not setting a time limit on that.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?I go back and forth on that every day.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?Perhaps.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?Not especially. It was fine.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?Hell no lol.

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?Probably.

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?Of course.

44. What’s the best part about school?Oh my god.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?🙄

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?🙄🙄🙄🙄

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?Definitely.

48. Were you single over the last summer?Oh yeah.

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?Fuck no. Completely different in almost every way.

50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?Nothing.

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?I don’t hate anyone.

52. Are you nice to everyone?No lol.

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?Sure.

54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?Lmao. Checkmate.

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?Probably not but I try to on the daily lol.

56. Do you think you like someone?Eh.

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?Yeeepp lol. What awkward 2017 memories.

58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?Either.

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?Like all of them.

60. Do you hate anyone?Nope.

61. How’s your heart?Doing it’s thang.

62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?Yeah.

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?As a child, yes lol.

64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?I can’t imagine anyone is.

65. Are your toenails painted pink?Fuck no.

66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?Nah. They’re not usually mistakes regardless of the outcome.

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?God, this is dumb.

68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?No, but they have ripped in public.

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?Jessy.

70. How do you look right now?Zooted.

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?Many good friends.

72. Can you commit to one person?Sure.

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?Nope.

74. Have you ever felt replaced?Of course.

75. Did you wake up cranky?Nah. I was off work today.

76. Are you a jealous person?I’m probably one of the least jealous people you’ll ever meet, for real.

77. Are relationships ever worth it?They could be.

78. Anyone you’re giving up on?Past tense.

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?Not at this exact moment, no.

80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?Go to hell AKA Walmart.

81. Last person you cried in front of?Jade lol. Horrible story.

82. Is there someone you will never forget?Many.

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?Yeah.

84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?Again, I’m cool with being alone right now.

85. Are you over your past?Parts of it.

86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?Like. As a teenager.

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?Hasn’t this already been asked?

88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?No. She’s been forgiven like 200 million times but there will not be a 201 millionth time.

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?Uhhhh. Probably. But that would be fucking weird because we barely know each other lol. However, she does know where I live so in theory, I guess that could happen.

90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?Yeah. For like 4 years lol.

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?Doubtful.

92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?My dad.

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?Yes, actually.

94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?Nope. Have been single for over a year.

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?I was heartbroken and miserable in March lol. The person I was seeing was…not really someone I liked…🤷‍♀️ complicated.

96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?Yep.

97. Who do you have texts from?Bruh I have every text that’s ever been sent in this phone (from a year ago until now) lol

98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?Yeah, no surprise there lol.

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?Yes.

100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?Just me and my lonesome.

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?Fuck the fuck off.

102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?Yep.

[kin-collective]

Gossip Folks: On Intimacy & Black Womxnhood

An informal conversation between Essence Harden & Chinwe Okona -- 7.11.18

In our own friendship’s toddler years, we performed a type of black space making in Essence’s home. Here, we discussed black womxn who came before us, the stakes of black friendship, our minds, and tools for black survival. This conversation is about the care and chatter amongst black womxn, learning and leaning into friendship, mapping integral moments, and figuring just what empathy and care look like between us. If interviewing has been pivoted as a type of voyeuristic peek into the innerness of another then discourse amongst homies is the shared space of the kink.

Chinwe: I'm interested in exploring how intimacy and friendship equate survival for black women. Thinking about what it means to be a single black womxn, to be a black womxn in community with other black people, and also what it means to be in community specifically with other black womxn--how does intimacy fuel these different ways in which we convene or gather in space? How does friendship rely on intimacy, and further fuel how these spaces take form and ultimately impact our survival?

Essence: I guess my initial question for you would be what does intimacy look like, feel like, smell like, and mean to you? Where does intimacy land?

I think that's a good place to start because often we tie intimacy to romantic or sexual relationships and I think those are also things that could be collapsing into friendship but aren't necessarily one before the other, or succinct as a unit.

Chinwe: Intimacy feels like comfort--like the sensation of opening your eyes in the morning and immediately feeling wrapped in a blanket of love before you even have time to think. Intimacy looks like time; having time, making time. Rather than focusing on the details of how time is spent, I'm consistently drawn to those who commit to making time in the midst of prioritizing self. That feels really special, and I think it's a particular type of promise to make to someone. It's a demonstrated investment that no matter how busy someone is, there's always time to be present. That's also intimacy. Intimacy smells like...like shea butter. What about you?

Essence: I think the interpersonal that is bound with intimacy, for how I function with other black women, and in particular with myself, I would say is around the vulnerability to exist as a whole mess. Guardedness is often key to survival, and for thriving in most situations in this world. The other side of that aptitude to survive is this deeply vulnerable position, and the closeness that we're often talking about with intimacy is around vulnerability. That situation that you're describing between time for yourself and in closeness to another is a cool way to collapse what vulnerability can actually look like in its materiality. You're saying, what are the actions of being vulnerable? How can we feel that with other people?

I think there's also a way to be intimate with oneself. For me, it's really this capacity to sit with myself and whatever thoughts from things that feel askew, problematic, or hard and allowing those to exist in relation to these other conversations this other dialogue I have internally around myself as being capable. So those moves that happened for me internally then feel like the gestures I have to make towards and with other people to feel that there's time for me or closeness to be made. And it's just, it's work and I think it's maybe the work of life and also it's a slow process.

Chinwe: How does trust play into forming intimacies and closeness for you? I often find myself failing to mention trust in these conversations and want to make a purposeful turn to include the importance of trust in this conversation. Not to downplay it as a stepping stone to intimacy or a leg up to vulnerability, but can you really get to where you need to go without that leg up?

Essence: I think vulnerability is tied to trust and subsequently intimacy is tied to trust for me. I feel less that I am distrustful but more that I am deeply questioning of what trust looks like and what intimacy looks like or even what friendship looks like. Because if we are grounding this conversation around survival and black womxn's survival with each other than it's massive.

Chinwe: Totally. Since it is massive, I think a good place to begin to talk about friendship among black women, is to talk about family, specifically black womxn in our families and our relationships to our grandmothers and mothers and sisters. Thinking about trust and that questioning of trust, how do you think that your upbringing and your relationships with the black womxn in your family have impacted that feeling for you?

Essence: Well, I grew up in a big ass family of hella people. When my grandparents moved to LA then the Bay Area their families followed suit. So between Oakland and Berkeley (but mostly Oakland), there were just hundreds of people when I was little. Within that, much of the child-rearing roles were performed by womxn so all of my own childcare was by women who I was related to. There were all kinds of womxn present I imagine because of the plethora of people in my family overall.          

When I think about trust and not trusting people in my family it doesn't come from there capacity to show up and take care of us necessarily. I do think about them being adults in a world where it was very hard for them. Whatever types of strife were happening externally outside of my little existence did have a deep impact on my childhood. So being stressed out about money, about where you're living, people you're dating (generally men), propriety around being dark skinned, around your changing and growing body, things you could and could not do, these sort of regulatory spaces did have a deep impact on how they showed up and how they offered care.

On the one hand, I would say that I grew up in this very dynamic womxn led household where womxn performed all kinds of masculinity (though I do not think they would attribute that to themselves) but in their roles and their aptitude to intimately exist in a swampy "black female" gender.

So there's that one aspect and then the other one which is having a deep control over your sexuality especially once you're in puberty. There was a lot of freedom when you were a child but once you're like 12, 13 or if you're my sister 10, there were these huge regulations on your body because of these external factors of the world. And I think so much around building trust and black women having an epistemology outside of Western norms is this issue of sort of historical knowledge of black womxn's bodies and also trying to regulate those bodies of children who might not have had those experiences yet. And, at least for my family, still trying to foster independence and care. And I feel like that's not even truly uncommon. It feels so regular, in fact.

I know you grew up in Florida, Georgia, and Texas, with your mom whose from South Carolina and your pops who is from Lagos, it just feels like you have a different narrative of what it means to grow up and be a black womxn in America. Can you talk about your upbringing? What do you think you've learned or how you were cared for by a black womxn in your life?

Chinwe: The first thing that comes to mind when I think of my family and upbringing, is how I had a very small pool of representative black, female figures to draw from. I have my mother, I had one grandmother. My mom doesn't have any sisters. My dad has an older sister and twin half-sisters, who I don't know very well, but his older sister that I do know has lived in London my entire life. I hadn't connected with her until recently. My father's eldest brother has four daughters, and they are the cousins I know the best, but I can't say that we grew as womxn together, as my immediate family never lived close to extended family. Through we lived in Atlanta near my dad's brothers for the first few years of my life, we moved to Texas when I was pretty young and had no other extended family there. It was always just our nuclear family; we kind of forged our own frontier in these very white suburban areas. Thinking outside of my family, I remember my seventh-grade math teacher was a black woman, but I didn't have black friends until I was 18 years old. There was a void of blackness, and especially black womxnhood, in my life.

Essence: Did you know this at that time? Do you feel a wanting or longing or is this all retrospective?

Chinwe: One hundred present retrospective.

Essence: Can you recall what it felt like to have this one black female teacher? Did it feel alien, normal, or like nothing in particular?  

Chinwe: It felt like nothing. I think a lot about dissociative experience these days, and the absence of thought I had at that point has made me really sit with the depth at which I was dissociated from my identity. But at the same time, my peers made me very aware of my hair and my skin and all these other markers of how I was different. Still, I never remember saying, "I am a black girl, I'm a black womxn." Those verbal affirmation of identity didn't come until much later. Perhaps having those singular role models or figures felt like an absence of black female identity,  but I also think it gave me an opportunity to really stretch the bounds of what it meant to be a little black girl. I liked the things I liked because I liked them. I didn't have the tools to defend my blackness or feel like I needed to be rooted in a particular way to my blackness; I didn't know what black was. It's been interesting as an older person to take those interests and those affinities from my childhood and tailor them towards blackness or black female identity. Now that I'm older I wonder, how can I go deeper and how can I connect back to myself and my core identity?

Essence: That's interesting because at once you're talking about a removal of your own kind of faculties from your bodily experience, right? That you don't remember trying to negotiate what it meant to be a black girl. I would imagine this being in part because when you go home there's not a bunch of black people sharing their experiences every day, it's your smaller somewhat nuclear family unit. I also don't have any non-American parents but if your father is from a place of all black people then blackness is beyond a regular experience of life and your mom is from the newly post Brown post-Jim Crow south, where black people are the majority.

Chinwe: I say this to them often, but it feels very much that they took that fact that we were black granted.

Essence: Because for them it was.

Chinwe: Absolutely, but then we moved to these white suburbs, and for me and my brothers, it wasn't that. We didn't have a black experience to ground ourselves in while swimming through a sea of whiteness. It's so fascinating to me; I know that my parents love us endlessly and are deeply invested in our happiness and wellbeing, but that absence of thought around how black experience may or may not work as a transitive property makes me question the capacity with which intimacy allows us to make the best decisions around those that are in our care.

Essence: Right. It always makes me think about that generation of people who became middle class and had the capacity to pay for or live in spaces formerly all white. What segregation ending looked like was the prospect of class mobility and people who could take their blackness for granted. Folks probably had a community of friends who were black and they weren't thinking about whatever it meant to belong to whiteness because they were adults. But their kids then grew up in these spaces where they are the singular black person. And if someone's taking their sensibility as a black person has a matter of fact and not necessarily politically motivated to be like, "I'm gonna have my kid reading this and doing that," it does seem like there's this shadow effect that I feel like a lot of black folks whose parents are Boomers or early Gen X'ers who became upper middle class have this sort of experience with black relationality.

Chinwe: Yeah, it's a very particular experience. I'm still grappling to wrap my head around it myself and am curious to see how it influences where and how I raise my own children.

Essence: Multiple people have had this juncture and it is such an interesting little tidbit to me.  What do we do with that?

But I think it does reconstitute what is possible with intimacy, right? If I'm thinking of your story and my story and you're talking about the lack of people and this sort of broad spectrum of personality that you feel you were able to grow into by virtue of not having people putting limits on you and it's interesting because I have a broad spectrum of people and I felt limitless as well, right? Which I think might point to blackness having the capacity to hold a multiplicitous amount of things and really stretch the bounds by virtue of not being at the center. It is like the black matter that is most of the university. It does surround us in strong ways which are often untenable and unknowable yet effective.

So there's are all these ways to belong to it where you can have a grandmother,  a mother, and Chinwe. Or how I could have a grandma, a mom, a sister, 2 additional siblings, and hundreds of cousins which often felt wild but it also kind of allowed me to weave in and out because there were so many people and no one was necessarily deeply paying attention to you.  

Chinwe: So thinking about blackness as this huge limitless entity with the capacity to hold many different ways of being, how would you say blackness hold vulnerability? In the most general sense.

Essence: How does it hold it? I mean, I think it's just part of being abject. It's like you're a wound and also the scab and the healing ointment, you're all things at one time. It's like slavery is now and it's the afterlife of slavery and its moment before. It's like time is expanding and it's nonlinear, so you're just existing and multiple realities. And I think because of that, the ways vulnerability show up can feel really hard or bizarre.

I'm thinking of my mother, someone who functions as a vulnerable person optically but it was really hard for me to understand her language of what being vulnerable and what vulnerable care looked like. She would fill our house with a bunch of books around black history, sociology, and art but would never read them to us. But me and my sister being curious people and my stepfather doing Hooked on Phonics so we could read at a  higher grade level when we were little, we would devour these text. I think for my mom's the sense of openness and her sharing of the wound/pleasure of black womanhood was the aesthetics of our home.

I also think getting my hair done in the kitchen almost every Saturday evening as a kid and how that too was a vulnerable gesture for my mom via time spent. So now sometimes when I go home my mom will spend time doing my hair. I mean, I have locs so she's not straightening my shit or spending an inordinate amount of time touching it up but she really does like doing my hair. It's a position of deep comfort for her in the touch, in the haptic of care and vulnerability.  

But I think in general when it comes to holding that space for black womxn it's just all the muck and glory of being. It's the beautiful and ugly the smelly and delicious everything that black people have to offer. It's all of it

Chinwe: I think more than what I think it is, I'm perplexed by what it has difficulty with.  It's interesting to me and difficult for me to wrap my mind around the ways in which blackness in of itself holds so much vulnerability in its past existence in the present instance, in the uncertainty of our future existence that is a vulnerable ass state to be in.

And I, I struggle with how one can hold that much vulnerability and not have the language or the tools or the recess, the resources to live in that state or talk through what that feels like. As much as we, as black people hold this type of vulnerability, it feels different to everyone and it manifests itself differently in bodies based on where you're from, how you've grown up like, what your relationship to people is like, etc. I feel very fixated on it. It's striking to me the difficulty in transmitting...the difficulty in communicating vulnerability.

Essence: I think that you're right. Depending on where you're from, what you look like, what you have access to, your education, your income, all of it is there present.  I think that how vulnerability does come and the difficulties of it are in the sort of madness of a lot of black people's psychic state. As lovely and beautiful as it is for someone to be a poet, a writer, an artist, a creator of some sort of vision around vulnerability we often privilege and locate those practices as the sole productive space. But to be vulnerable/raw/open as a constant position in a world that wants you to feel like trash is bizarre. So I get smoking weed, drinking, and limiting your vulnerability tentacles as well. To be out of your wits or to be at your wit's end seems like a cost of vulnerability.    

You can be a badass poet, you can be our heaven sent June Jordan, and you too can be dead because guess what you're teaching in the academy and that space is rough as fuck. And the trauma of the body, our epigenetics is all there. And I think that we have to consider that real cost of being forced into vulnerability at all times. This non- consensual exposure that that's part of our genealogy as black people and that people grapple with in all kinds of ways. I don't think we have in this country a realm of care for black people who are suffering because the afterlife of slavery is our present life and healing is not quite possible in that chaotic state.

How does that difficulty present itself to you in your art practice which is so much about intimacy? And how does that difficulty presents itself to you in your interpersonal relationships?

Chinwe: Hell yeah, exactly where I wanted to go. I think that the first time I felt that inability to deal with vulnerability in my blackness was becoming friends with black people.

It was absolutely awkward. It was the first time that I felt faced with what I've felt inside; that discord of being an abject subject, but still existing and functioning within a framework that is constantly asking that you limit your potential or fit all that you have to offer in this tiny box. Not only was I faced with a mirrored existence, relating to other on account of this existence wasn't necessarily coming to me in the language that I spoke. It was coming to me via this one person's language based on their experience, and then this other person's language and their experience, and on and on. I felt that even deeper in relating to black womxn. I didn't have a fucking Rosetta Stone to how to talk about these things and be in intimate relationships with folks in this way.

Essence: What were things?

Chinwe: Similar to what I was saying earlier about making time and how it's not so important what you make time for...I don't think it's necessarily specific subjects that I was struggling to discuss, but it was more so that every bit of black friendship felt fucking raw. Like having a disagreement with a friend--you care because that's your friend and you don't want to be at odds with this person, but that the weight of the care was that they felt. But in the present, it feels so much heavier and almost like there's much more to be lost. The stakes are high and are much higher in the event that there isn't a resolution. And I fell that every single time that I was a person around black people.

Essence: In part, it seems like you're talking about the space around your everyday experience growing up, which was not around a majority of black people- something that is also not my experience but I didn't necessarily grow up in a majority white space either -and this sense of intentionality wrapped up in your now.

You make this deliberate move to center black women and black people more generally. That there's some shift from " I'm not thinking about it" and/or it's in the subconscious part of my body to actively engage it. So now the stakes are higher because you're not only merely reflecting but are deeply thoughtful around trying to connect with certain types of people, black people specifically, and then having to face the diversity of experiences of blackness, which is something that is not familiar to you because you're yourself, you're not all people and you didn't grow up with a bunch of black people. Between the diversity of black folks and the disagreements between black folks the whole space of belonging to each other is really weighted.

Taking a side step from this train of thought but in a larger question around intimacy between black folks I think a lot about this sense of weight, intentionality, and anxiety in relation to black people who have a hard time being with other black people in romantic relationships or seeing and sincerely desiring other black people as potential romantic partners. There's one thing to suffer, to know your pain, and your own sense of abjection and to function in that singularity and have some type of comfort. A comfort in your harbored and material truths (even if those are death but a "death" that you know), a type of knowledge and solace in that knowing that has led you to survive perhaps even thrive. And I don't think that's a moralistic judgment, I think that's just literally a type of candid reality of/on black life and being. People are surviving in their spaces attuned to functioning within a variety of populations. So to be in that singular-eques space what does it mean to carry the pain, sorrow, and misery that is entangled with being black internally and not have an intrapersonal echo of that? Not merely strife but the romantic, intimate, fluids, sexual, arousal, erotic love as well? Cause there you're not just facing your death, you're facing their death and the individual which suffers and yet survives is entangled. You're not going to return to any state, after surviving their "death" you're going to be in a deficit. And I think that reflective, intentional space is a way that a lot of people go outside of wanting to be in intimate/sexual/romantic/love relation with other black people because it's hard. Not only is blackness the glory it is the brutality of whiteness. And now if I choose to be intimate with these people, from sexual intimacy to friendship intimacy that is non-sexual, you're opening up to a level of vulnerability to feel a bunch of shit and it might really break your heart. It also might make your heart feel so full that you could feel beyond elated, just wild and off the hook.

And I think that sense of elation and lost is part of what you're talking about, the space and stakes of friendship with other black women. What does it mean to have this person removed or gone? Especially when you're like, I have this somewhat small precious amount of people. So much of this is about finding your black people. I grew up in a place that had black people, but I didn't have a ton of black friends until…I mean I understand friendship to flow very deeply. I have a lot of people I know but who I would call my friend is a smaller number than the people who I'm actively friendly with. But there's something there where I'm like to know people which I don't think happened until high school and I had these decidedly racist act against me by folks I considered friends when I was in ninth grade. It reoriented my trajectory, which was a type of masculinity and tom-boyhood oriented around whiteness, white boyhood in particular. I didn't actively consider my sexuality but rather the Bay Area performance of the colorblind utopia which, was actually a nightmare for me, pretending and imagining myself and my capacity to move throughout the world as that of a white boy.

So my dark-skinned, black ass who grew up between working class and working poor was hanging out with wealthy Berkeley Hills white boys wanting it to be mine. But I think being harmed and harassed by these former homies, my refusal to go to school, and myself enrollment in Independent Studies, shifted my inner capacity, want, and practice of friendship was now all about those margins, my fellow freaks that I had so attempted to erase. These homies (Esti and Ferron to name two folks who are still my heart 22 years later) were bizarre, very astute and hilarious who fucked with "femme-ness," butchness, and gender possibilities. When I created a rugby team in HS it attracted other black girls who were also about that shit and who optically did not fit the aesthetics of such a butch pursuit. My friend Lindsey, who's a very high femme, joined the rugby team and we became friends and kin to each other.

And I don't necessarily remember this sense of intentionality but I certainly do remember deciding I was not going to do the other thing. I was not going to have my high school experience be about fucking lame and often abusive dudes and imagining myself as being lesser than in that way. This is all to say I think there is an intentionality and the weight of intentionality on black womxn friendship when you're actively seeking it out. When you're like "I want this to be my truth." And I think that disagreements can feel really high stakes because to be vulnerable with people who might be rejecting some part of you, because that's what a disagreement can feel like a rejection of your personhood, when the stakes are that high when it's maybe just that exact thing or detail that you have different opinions about.

Chinwe: I think I found my way to black female friendships through friendships with black queer people in college. People who are gender nonconforming or performed femininity as not mandated by the way in which we're told women and men are supposed to fill roles. So similar to what you were saying, but I think even in those moments I felt removed from "black womanhood."

Essence: Why? What do you think would it black womanhood mean to you in those moments?

Chinwe: Black womanhood meant heterosexuality in a way that I am not and will never be heterosexual.

Essence: Where do you think that came from?

Chinwe: Media. So many of my models for how blackness is supposed to come from media. Even in finding really good black friends I remember being very aware of the fact that my friendships didn't feel like "Waiting to Exhale," or insert any quintessential black film centering female characters talking about/taking shit from men. That felt very far away, extremely far away and I felt very cognizant of that. Perhaps this is a moment where I was learning tangibly how black can be multifaceted in practice, but I don't think it was until I moved to Los Angeles that I was able to begin to settle comfortably into that practice for myself. And still, I'm working on relaxing into myself and feeling wholly accepted by what my black looks like in practice. Like you said, it's the work of life and it's a slow process.

Essence: Yeah. Again it's how does vulnerability kind of show up? On the one hand, I would say that all blackness is queered by virtue of it not being whiteness and how it exists in excess of whiteness. But also I think a lot of black women who are "straight" and cis, are the caught up in the binds and bowels of heterosexuality. And that feeling of not belonging to a thing, much like being a dark skinned black person with two black parents and someone being like, you sound white, and the type of impossibility to not belong white simultaneously feeling like you do not belong to blackness. I think with some cis straight black womxn people who are high femme, and I do not think there is anything wrong or errored about being any of these things, I know that there is also and perhaps often a discourse around respectability politics and compulsory heterosexuality that feels exclusive of my capacity to belong to black womxnhood as well.

Chinwe: I definitely rejected and felt deeply distrustful of heterosexuality as an identity; I didn't want to be that type of black woman. But thinking back on media and the images of black women I did see...my parents had Ebony and Essence magazines in the house and the black women that I did see were high femme and there were no gradients of black sexuality or eroticism. I was working with a very one-dimensional look of black femininity and it made me question my own desirability in black spaces. In addition to making me apprehensive or feeling like the stakes were really high before I even ventured into these black female friendships, I think I sequestered myself away from black desirability as a whole because I didn't know how expansive that could be.

Essence: Because of white supremacy.

Chinwe: Totally.

Essence: Circling back to the idea of survival is the process of getting there, right? Reconstituting and re-negotiating our own sense of desire and intimacy is deeply embedded in the sort of anti-black, colonial framework. And that feeling ostracized from the black representational landscape of belonging. Our big three- Ebony, Essence, and Jet –are bound to their particular historical moments, class proprietary, and desirability politics (though Ebony has really moved in its scope with its online editorial work). For them, you were gonna see what you're gonna see because it really is what it is. So you're not going to get that diversity and range of black life(s) you may really crave and/or need on the page and when you're in other types of spaces with limited amounts of an accessible array of black people you can really feel like the odd person out. That these black people belong to each other and the only people who seemingly accept, in relation to my non-belonging, are white folks. It can feel that way often. And as you grow and stretch you begin to grapple with the reason why you think you don't belong to those people or that there's some other sort of limited frame of what blackness can be is because of white people and white supremacy. Though white supremacy has a life outside of white people and it also has a life deeply entangled with white folks and it's such a mind fuck to think about white harbor and the tax of blackness. It all can feel like the scab, wound, and ointment at the same time.

Chinwe: Abject beings. Just holding it all. But still, In all of that, ultimately we are surviving. So, to move from vulnerability and to think about intimacy in relationship to survival. What's the tool, the weapon, that is is integral to preserving black women in all of this?

Essence: I think gossip is huge! I think gossip is the Queen Bee of survival and thriving.

Chinwe: Why?

Essence: Because it is a network of knowledge production that has nothing to do with epistemologies of The West, it's not about the written word, citationality, nor sourcing knowledge by cis men and white folks. Gossip is about people being on the phone, especially growing up with my grandma with her three hours of the day dedicated to talking to her friends about the workings of their days and world.

Chinwe: My mom too! She's on the phone all the time.

Essence: Oh yea, I FaceTime Adee almost every morning. Gossip is how we create a literal network of underground knowledge production. Though gossip has a very negative, wicked cogitation I say Nah to all that. That talking network is often how we know about folks being predatory, about the actions of those who will not be persecuted, about the lives of the non-believed. From fucked up family members to business, seemingly allies, and friends gossip can inform us.

Chinwe: Like, "that family member fucked up and we don't go to their house and you need to know why."

Essence: Yea. I think that's black womxn knowledge production space. And I think that the way that we demonize it is actually because it's a black womxn knowledge production space.  I think it stands outside of regulation from cis men and white folks and negates their framework of correctness. It's how we get to and come to know things and I think that that is all about fucking survival.

I can go online and find someone to do my hair. I can, and do, go on Yelp or Google or whatever but the stories, experiences, and care I am looking for are generally not there.  What I need is someone to tell me their inner thoughts about their experience getting their hair done. Like, they ordered food and didn't ask me if I wanted to get something dropped off. Or I sat down in the chair and had to wait two hours until they touched my head. Or I was there from 8:00 AM to 8:00 PM. Experiences which may or may not be on those sites around business which often do not appear in my search engine or do without the population I want to hear from and trust the critiques and/or praise. Gossip, of course, is more than this and can be problematic AF but also I feel like it is a key principle.  

What's a key space for vulnerability, intimacy, and survival for black womxn for you?

Chinwe: I think honesty. Something I'm finding, and it kind of ties into what you're saying about gossip, talking, being truthful, and getting at that truth is that I find myself in these circumstances were many months after an altercation or an awkward circumstance, I sit down and I have a conversation with someone where I'm like "you know, I didn't say this three months ago when this person was being fucked up, but this person was being fucked up and this is how it went down" and they're like, "my God, my experience with this person was that they were fucked up and I didn't want to say anything." And thinking about white supremacy and the way that black womxn are silenced all the time, I think it's really important for our survival to be vocal, especially with each other because of the ways in which black womxn take care of each other and have the capacity to take care of each other. I don't know if honesty is the most comprehensive term to describe what I'm getting at, but that's the meat of it. Really it's impossible to know how to take care of someone unless you know what's really going on. There are multiple times I think back on and I wish I would have said to a friend, "Yo, this happened and or is happening to me."

Essence: But you have to be trusting and knowing that someone can hold that for you.

Chinwe: Totally. Not everybody can and not everyone will. And really the only way to discover that is to be vulnerable with people.

Essence: And I think that's really hard. When the world tells you that you cannot hold that space for yourself. That what's happening to you isn't really happening to you and I think because a lot of people, Queer folks and non-queer people who have relationships with men, and I mean the spectrum of manhood quite seriously, that are deeply troubling and fucked up. That people sustain and get told to sustain a lot of abuse or told it didn't happen to them or it doesn't matter. So then you're like, okay, I don't want to have my ass out here without support or protection, especially in relation to someone who may have social capital or general admiration who is the one inflicting this pain. So you weather it and you see if there are people you can trust and at some point you can share something and someone may be like "that happened to me" and you realize there's this whole network, often underground, of people who have been fucked by this person or fucked with by this person or dealt with something really similar.

But it's hard. It's hard to be like vulnerable because rejection is possible and the stakes are high. And I think like that little cycling back and forth, it's just kind of like a daily act, you know, some people are in your corner one day and they might not be the next. A lot of people don't have the capacity or faculty to be in your corner even if they might want to and that's really real. But the little networks that we have, I do really believe in because it's such a presence in my life and how I got to grow up. These are kin networks who are taking care of each other. And that feels like an underground network of maintaining black girlhood and womxnhood as something precious, worthwhile and something that can survive, thriving maybe, but certainly, survive. And maybe, I guess, they expected us to thrive at some point, which is why they sent folks to these public schools and not these other ones. Why they relied on these forums, particular spaces, and enterprises. Why this person is going to pick you up and do this, that, and the third so that hopefully, your life is a little bit better. In reality that's why we're all here, in particular, I'm thinking of those with enslaved black ancestry. You only exist because someone had the capacity to imagine that maybe it would be different. Unfortunately, slavery and its afterlife is a wake of many sorts (shout out to Kristina Shape) is the name of the game and the West doesn't really play about that but that sensibility is also why we're here. It's pretty terrifying.

Chinwe: Terrifying. And it's a weird thing to be grateful of your existence because of a past (present) terrible reality or the capacity of your will to endure because it was severely tested.

Essence: Because the reality is people killed themselves who were enslaved, people killed their children who were enslaved. People do and did all kinds of things. Because the resounding "no!" which recognized death at all sides also looked like folks refusing their materiality and imagining that someone else, this next child, perhaps wouldn't know this death. Right or wrong, living death or ending death via death there was a "doing" happening. And some way somehow black people are here.

Chinwe: Goddamn, we really are here. Anything else on your mind?

Essence: Gossip. I love talking on the phone, I think it's fantastic.

Essence Harden is an independent curator, writer, and Ph.D candidate located in Los Angeles. Essence’s mind wonders towards black California, art as geography, and collaborative blackspace making. She continues to have an interdisciplinary art practice and recently designed a pair of shoes for Everybody World.

Chinwe Okona is a multimedia artist/photographer/writer and MBA candidate based out of Los Angeles. Her work focuses on themes of black identity, nostalgia, and forgiveness as an attempt to archive narratives documenting personal existence. In 2016, she founded PALMSS Magazine, an annual anthology of creative people of color and their work.