#honestly not too surprising it makes me think of that other story w/ the person who made up other commenters to keep their tiny plants vs z

[soloroomies]

lifemate (Chapter 3/ Sakusa x f!reader)

summary: two years have passed, are you both still up for it? word count. 2.3k cw. marriage pact au a/n. the intro of the story turns out to be quite long... but, here it goes! I'm happy I have a lot of spare time now. So, I think the update for this story will be pretty quick (for now)! Masterlist

A few days later, you tell your predicament to your best friend from college, Tami. She lives in a different city now, so you send her a few messages and call her. She laughs and gives you a piece of her mind regarding the idea.

“That’s actually kinda crazy… Like, wow. I know you’re creative and all, but I didn’t expect you to do something like this. This is another level,” she continues to laugh loudly. You roll your eyes at this, feeling a mix of embarrassment and amusement.

“Oh no, wait. I can actually see you doing this type of thing,” she adds, still chuckling.

“Hey, please help a friend here. Does it really sound that bad?!” you plead, hoping for some serious advice.

“Do you want me to be honest?” she asks, her tone suddenly serious.

“Of course!”

“In all my life knowing you and hearing your love life stories, I never see you wanting to pursue someone. Like, be committed, y’know?”

You pause to think for a second. That’s true. She’s right.

“Errr, yeah, I think. But, I would want to be committed if that person makes me want to! It’s just I never found the one that makes me want to. You get what I mean?” you explain, feeling a bit defensive but also reflective.

“But, how would you know? Like, what’s your standard? What kind of person makes you want to do that?” Tami presses, her curiosity genuine.

You’re stunned. Fuck. You don’t really know. Isn’t it just like a gut feeling or something? Or someone who makes you feel butterflies in your stomach? Or is it someone who makes you feel secure? You don’t really know. Tami senses your hesitancy and sighs.

“See. You don’t know it yourself,” she says, her voice softening.

“I’m no psychologist or something, but I know you. I know you have it in yourself to love someone deeply. But, you also have some standards that you set for yourself. It’s not weird at all,” she reassures you.

“It’s tricky. But, I think maybe that’s what makes you struggle a bit to start intimacy with someone.”

You get every word she says and, damn, she really knows you so well. Her insights are like a mirror reflecting your innermost thoughts.

“Not everyone will have the same relationship journey, y’know? Not everyone will feel or experience romantic love. But, in no way am I trying to tell you that you will not experience that,” she continues, her tone both comforting and encouraging.

You understand what she means. You sometimes expect yourself to experience the kind of love that movies, songs, and pop culture depict. Maybe some people do experience that, but not everyone’s reality is the same.

“I do think that the marriage stuff is beneficial though for you. But, how about your need for intimacy? Will you get it from him, from Kiyoomi?” she asks, her voice tinged with concern.

“I don’t know. But, I care about him,” you reply honestly.

“That’s good.” Then, she goes silent. Seems like she’s thinking. You’re thinking, too. What kind of arrangement will this marriage be? Will this be the kind of open marriage, with both of you can be with anyone? That’s something that you’ll need to further discuss with Kiyoomi. Some rules and boundaries need to be set. Tami seems to have the same thoughts as you as she speaks up about it a moment later.

“On the other hand, though. Sakusa is hot as fuck,” she says, breaking the serious tone with a playful remark.

You laugh loudly, the sudden shift catching you off guard.

“What, you don’t think so? I honestly am surprised with you. You always send me TikTok thirst traps of some random men. I know you know fine men when you see one. And, urgh, your friend is so fine too, girl! Are you blind or something?!”

“Of course, I find him handsome, too! That’s why I’m telling you that I don’t want to trap him with me when he can be with any majestic woman he likes! Plus, it’s weird to think your friend is hot all the time,” you roll your eyes, feeling a bit defensive again.

“I’ll say this sincerely. You and him look good together. That’s it,” she states firmly.

You try to picture you and Kiyoomi together, feeling a strange mix of curiosity and warmth.

“If this plan of you and him happens, he’ll be your husband!” she exclaims, emphasizing the word "husband" with a teasing tone.

You try to picture you and Kiyoomi doing some domestic stuff together and find yourself blushing. What?!

“S—shut up!!” you stutter, feeling flustered.

Tami laughs hearing you stutter, enjoying the reaction she’s elicited.

“Don’t even think about not consummating your marriage! I know you’re not that stupid!” she adds, her voice dripping with playful mischief.

You shush her again, feeling embarrassed and overwhelmed by the thought. You really don’t want to think of Kiyoomi that way. It feels wrong.

You end your call with your best friend, concluding that you better not rely fully on the pact you made with Kiyoomi. You should still live your day like usual and try to find your potential love interest as usual. 

And you did. You go about your days as usual, juggling work, meeting with friends, and attending your monthly meet-ups with Komori and Kiyoomi. Nothing is brought up about the pact with Kiyoomi. Even though it occasionally comes to mind unexpectedly. Life is hectic as always, but you still find time to go on a few dates with new people, either introduced by friends, colleagues from work, or even your parents. Without realizing it, two years have passed.

This New Year's, you spend it at your family home, reconnecting with your parents and some of your extended family. You also reunite with some friends, including Tami, who decides to visit your city. After a few days, you return to your apartment on Friday night, deciding to rest before returning to work on Monday.

That is until you receive a message from Komori in your group chat with him and Sakusa. He invites you and Sakusa to a party at his house on Saturday night. After pondering for a bit, you decide it will be a great way to end your holiday. You miss them, and a party sounds fun. You reply to the chat, confirming you'll come. Minutes later, you see that Sakusa has also replied that he will be there. Komori's parties often include volleyball pro athletes, tall men with their muscular bodies, which is always a plus. You laugh to yourself, mentally slapping yourself for the thought.

Suddenly, upon seeing Sakusa's message in the group chat, you remember something very important that you had forgotten. Shit, shit! You check your calendar. Has it really been two years? Damn, this is the year. You sit in stunned silence for a few minutes. Does Sakusa even remember? Has he gotten himself a girlfriend yet? You try to recall your meet-ups with him and Komori. You remember Komori teasing him about some girls a few times, but there were no clear signs that he was in a relationship. Shit. It would be weird to bring it up. You might look desperate or something. And why did you suddenly remember this now?! Things were fine when you didn’t.

You take a few deep breaths to calm yourself. You’re a grown woman, dammit! You decide not to bring it up unless Sakusa does. You want to see how serious he is about this. If he’s serious, he’ll remember, right? Are you being immature right now? Hopefully not! Why do you feel this way though? It’s just Kiyoomi. You huff, frustrated with yourself. Whatever. You’ll just see how the night goes tomorrow.

The night of the party finally arrives. You dress casually for the occasion, opting for light blue jeans and a white, fluffy sweater in case the night gets colder. After doing your makeup and hair, you quickly order an online taxi and head to Komori’s house.

You arrive ten minutes after the designated time for the party, and some people are already there. You see some of Komori’s friends from the EJP Raijin team and Sakusa’s MSBY team. Before you can get anywhere, Komori greets you cheerfully. Beside him is Mia, Komori’s wife, who offers you a warm smile and invites you to the snacks corner.

You make light conversation with Mia, asking about the food she made and complimenting her on how delicious it tastes. You also meet some other wives and girlfriends of the athletes. After a few minutes, you find yourself in a fun conversation with a woman you just met, who turns out to be Miya Atsumu’s girlfriend. You recall Atsumu as Sakusa’s teammate in MSBY. Discovering that you both work in tech startups, you bond over shared work ethics and struggles. After a while, you excuse yourself to the bathroom, feeling a bit lightheaded from the beer you consumed. You’re not great with alcohol but didn't realize how much you were drinking while chatting.

When you return to the main room, you hear Komori exclaim, "There you are!" with Sakusa standing beside him. You recall how Sakusa used to be extremely germaphobic, rarely taking his mask off in any place. You respect him but often show him some videos and journals about how human’s immune systems work. You’re sure some people show those kinds of things to him, too. As a result, now, he has managed to tone down his fear a bit and only wears a mask strictly in public places or outside buildings. Sakusa wears a plain black shirt tucked into black trousers. This is one of those moments that makes you painfully aware of how attractive he is, and he even seems so effortless about it.

You quickly dismiss your thoughts and greet them, “Hey!" Then you turn your head to Sakusa and ask, "When did you arrive?”

“Not too long ago,” he replies.

Komori chimes in, “I saw you earlier talking with ‘Tsumu’s girlfriend!”

You nod happily.

Komori asks, “Anyway, how was your New Year holiday?”

You start chatting about your holiday until someone exclaims, “Hey, hey, hey!” Sakusa rolls his eyes. It’s Bokuto Kōtarō, his teammate. He pats Sakusa’s shoulder a few times, which doesn’t faze him, looking fed up with Bokuto's antics. Bokuto then greets Komori and you, recalling you as Sakusa’s bestie.

As it nears midnight, you decide to head home. You excuse yourself from the people you’ve been talking with and tell Komori you're leaving. You look for Sakusa but can’t find him. Just as you're about to order an online taxi, a hand pats your shoulder. It’s Sakusa.

“Oh, hey! I was looking for you!” you say, startled.

“Let me drive you home,” he offers. “I brought my car, and it’s already late.”

You ponder for a bit but then accept his offer. 

Once you’re settled in the seat, he offers to connect your phone to his car's Bluetooth to play some music. You agree enthusiastically, always excited to recommend songs to him. He knows you're always excited too, and he often enjoys your recommendations, playing them frequently himself.

The drive is quiet but relaxing. Suddenly, he speaks up, “Do you remember our pact?”

You cough, surprised. You’re always like this, getting distracted and forgetting important things. Weren’t you stressed about this yesterday? You scold yourself mentally. Then, you nod and respond, “Yeah. I actually just remembered about it yesterday. I’m surprised you remember, Omi.” You laugh.

“Did you forget that I put it in the calendar?” he asks, his tone neutral.

You try to recall the memory of the day you made the pact with Sakusa. Ah! He did set a reminder for the pact on New Year’s Day. You giggle, feeling a mix of amusement and embarrassment.

“How— I mean, like, are you with anyone right now?” you ask tentatively, your voice betraying a hint of nervousness.

“No. Are you?” he replies, his gaze steady and calm.

You shake your head. “No.”

“Are you still up for it? The pact we made?” he asks, his voice steady but with a touch of curiosity.

You’re silent for a moment, pondering. You realize, if anything, you’re more ready than the last time you talked about this with him. The last two years have made it clear how tiring it is to build a relationship with someone. Work remains the same, and you're still juggling side jobs to make ends meet and send some money to your parents. The prodding from your parents has become more apparent too, suggesting dates with the sons of their acquaintances. You've tried to have a date with some of them. But nothing has gone beyond.

So you answer him, “I think I’m up for it. You?”

“Me too,” he says, giving you a quick glance that holds a mix of seriousness and reassurance.

You realize you’ve arrived at your apartment. “I think we need to talk about a lot of stuff regarding this. Do you want to talk about it? Like, tomorrow... maybe?” you suggest, trying to sound composed despite the whirlwind of thoughts in your mind.

“I agree. I’ll pick you up tomorrow,” he replies, his voice steady.

“Okay. Is 9 am okay with you? Or do you have practice?” you ask, wanting to make sure he’s not inconvenienced.

“No, I don’t and 9 am is okay,” he confirms.

With that, you get out of his car. You walk inside your apartment building, realizing that Sakusa is still on the driveway, looking at you. So, you smile and wave at him. As you fold your arms and tap your foot in the elevator, you can’t help but feel a bit antsy. You're really doing this. The anticipation and uncertainty swirl inside you, but there's also a sense of… excitement? You’re about to take a significant step, and the reality of it starts to sink in.

[ice-block]

Idk if anyone is interested but I thought I’d put it out there because the other day I was talking w my therapist and she said when people have a negative experience with something they’re WAY more likely to tell everyone they know and when they have a good or neutral experience they don’t think much of it SO I’d like to put something positive out there for anyone who might be in the position I was in.

So anyway here’s my experience getting my first pap smear, as someone with an INSANE amount of anxiety about it:

I try to keep some less than pleasant personal stuff off this blog but I’ve got a decently sized medical phobia, general mistrust of gynecology after reading too many horror stories, and some weirdness about gender/sexuality/body (???) I don’t entirely understand myself. I also understand that maintaining personal health is important even if it’s scary so when my doctor told me it was time to make an appointment with a gynecologist, I did it, then spent the next 3 weeks having nightmares, anxiety attacks, and experiencing a general sense of impending doom as the appointment approached.

Things my therapist and I talked about before hand included:

1.) save your stress for the future, if it goes good, great! If it goes poorly, you’re allowed to be stressed then . Don’t make yourself suffer unless you need to.

2.) know what accommodations you want and be prepared to ask for them confidently and clearly. I wanted the smallest speculum, a warning BEFORE any and all touching, and to be able to stop at any moment.

The appointment eventually did arrive and while I was still a ball of nerves I got myself there and obediently went through the steps of registering as a patient and remaining sane in the waiting room, I was called to the back (if you have a support person you want to bring with you you can but I went alone) and chatted with the nurse about health history etc, this pretty much resembled your standard doctors appointment, they take your heart rate, BP, etc. the nurse wrapped up and told me the doctor would be in in a minute, I should undress from the waist down, and showed me a cloth (which was basically a really big napkin) I could cover my lap with. I definitely went pale at this and if my high blood pressure didn’t tip her off she definitely knew I was internally freaking out. She offered to have the doctor come in first if that would make me more comfortable and I declined.

I was left alone to undress, it feels really weird to take off your pants in an office with fluorescent lighting, after a minute the doctor knocked then came in (there’s also a curtain in front of the door so nobody walking past can just see you pants-less) she was a very kind woman who asked me some questions about it being my first time, at this point I was prepared to say my demands but I was very shocked when she beat me to it! She outright offered the smallest speculum and said “I’m going to show you the tools, we’ll talk through the procedure, and we’ll decide if a Pap smear is something we want to do today” which made me instantly feel so much better. My other surprise was how SMALL the smallest speculum was! It was about the size of my pointer finger. If it had been larger I honestly don’t know if I could have done the procedure but once I realized it was tiny I knew it’d be ok. (Also side note: it feels really weird to talk with someone while pants-less and holding a big napkin over your crotch)

I was instructed to lay on the exam table, which was really low to the ground when I got on it then raised up like a dentists chair, the little foot holds popped out from underneath it and I was instructed to put my feet in the holds and scoot all the way to the edge, I kept looking at the doctor through this and was told that during the exam I would have to look up at the ceiling. She warned me before even the slightest touch (“I’m going to put my hand on your thigh now”) asked if I was ready, when I said yes she inserted the speculum, which felt weird but not painful, it didn’t even feel painful when it opened. Just strange. Then the doctor took a cell scraping which felt REALLY weird for a part of the body not used to that sensation at all. It felt scratchy and then for a brief second their was a bit of pain (I’d rate like a 3 out of 10) and I thought “if this lasts any longer I can’t do this” but it was really only a split second and the worst moment was also the end. The speculum was quickly removed making the Pap smear a total of like 30 seconds max. Then the doctor told me she would check my uterus and ovaries and (still maintaining consent and giving warning) inserted a finger and pressed with her other hand hard on my stomach, this didn’t hurt either and the pressure/rubbing on my stomach made it so I wasn’t thinking about her other hand at all! Then I was allowed to sit up again, close my legs, the doctor asked if I had any questions and I was out of there!

Anyway hopefully this can help someone out there I tried to include all the details I had wanted while doing frantic research before hand, if you’re in the same boat, you can do this!

[swaps55]

(Sorry in advance for the long message) Hey swaps!! It's been a while since I asked, I got into uni (with my best friend) and started studying creative literature and I needed to let you know that it's partially because of you, and I wanted to sincerely thank you. Otherwise I'd never have had the drive to do what I was passionate about instead of chasing an academic degree that would suck the soul out of me. When I read your stories it's incredible, I really experience the story, that only ever happens when I'm reading something you've written. And I'm not the biggest bookworm but there's something about yours, the way you narrate and tell your characters, you write the story but the characters truly do come alive, and I wanted to be able to tell stories like you. I'm currently attempting to flesh out my own story which I think is going not horribly, but I wanted to ask, how do you stay so true to your characters? I've read your posts and when people ask what would happen in certain scenarios, despite what you want to happen the characters have their own personality. Is there a system you use to get all your words out right or does it just come to you? Honestly any advice you could give would be amazing. Thank you again swaps, I know it might be silly to admire and choose a career because of someone on the internet that you've never met, but there's real passion in your work. We can all see how much you put into writing and it truly does make an impact, even if sometimes you can't see it. I think I speak for all dedicated mass effect, and more niche Mshenko, fans, thank you.

This is not silly. At least to me – this means the world to me, and I cannot thank you enough for telling me. And I am SO excited for you; my creative writing workshops taught me so many valuable things. I hope you love it, thrive in it, and write until your fingers fall off.

I can tell you from being in the workforce for a couple decades now that an English/Creative Writing degree can get you to so many places, because storytelling and the ability to write are skills that are crucial in so many industries. It’s so hard to know how much is out there until you get out in the world and really see it, but if you’re curious, adaptable, and passionate, having the ability to write and tell a good story can open so many doors. It has for me. My Real Life job doesn’t involve fiction, but I write and tell stories in ways I really enjoy every day. So whether you go off and become the next Neil Gaiman, and I hope you do, or you find other fulfilling opportunities, use that passion of yours to do something you love and enjoy the hell out of your uni experience.

On to your question: How do I stay true to my characters?

This is going to be a layered, multi-faceted answer because it’s a layered, multi-faceted question.

Developing characters is a very fluid process for me. I don’t like to get too prescriptive about them early on, because I want there to be room in the story for them to grow. I think there’s a relationship that develops between characters and story: characters shape the stories they’re in and are also shaped by them, and if you’re too rigid about the character sheet you have in your head (or on paper), you miss out on opportunities for them to grow with that story. But if you don’t know enough about them in the beginning, your characters will probably feel flat and inauthentic. I can’t really tell you where the line is between knowing too much and not enough – it’s something you learn by doing, and something you develop instincts for over time.

For instance, I don’t know if this will surprise you, but when I wrote Sonata, which was the first Opus story to get off the drafting board, here are just some of the things I didn’t know about Sam:

The nature of his relationship with Anderson.

What happened to his father aside from, “he went missing.”

Anything about his biotic mentor, other than “krogan.”

His biotic “handicap.”

Those line items are all pivotal to who Sam is as a character. But the details of them weren’t pivotal to Sonata, so I left them as broad strokes, and then filled them in when other Opus stories needed me to. This gave me some freedom to craft those details in ways that elevated both Sam and the story I was trying to tell.

There’s also a lot of value in developing characters from both ends: identifying a formative event/moment in their lives and using it as a guidepost to shape the way they see and interact with the world, and establishing a key behavioral or a character trait and then backing into where it comes from.   

Example of the former: Lora Alenko experienced having a teenage son who developed an alien medical condition that resulted in him being taken away from her and coming back as a stranger. What does that do to a parent? How does that shape the way she sees biotics? Sees Kaidan? I think about all of those questions when I write her.

Example of the latter: A simple question with a very complicated answer: Why is Sam Shepard the guy who saves the galaxy? Why him, and not someone else?

So that’s one way I think about characters. Here’s another that I think is equally important. I really subscribe to the ideology that every character is the hero of their own story. They don’t know they’re not the main character. They don’t know what comes next, what the plot is, what the themes are, or how they are supposed to serve the narrative. And for a character to really take on a life of their own, I think it’s really important to write them that way. Otherwise it’s easy for characters to get tangled up in dreams or lives that aren’t theirs, which robs them of some of their agency.

Therefore, whenever I park myself between the ears of a character, I do a lot of interrogation. What’s important to them? What isn’t? What does the world look like through their eyes, and how is that different from the other characters? What do they notice that other characters don’t? What do they miss that other characters don’t? How do they interpret the same series of events compared to another character? And then, here’s the kicker that often results in the gnashing of teeth, pulling of hair, and beating of foreheads against walls: how does that perspective tie into the narrative? Because yes, characters are the heroes of their own stories, but they also have to work within the story you, the writer, are telling, whether they know it or not.

That might sound overwhelmingly complex, and it is. But really what it comes down to is asking questions one by one and seeing where the answers lead you. Sometimes, especially with a character you don’t know well, this can be a lot of painstaking work. But in my experience it’s always worth doing.

I hope any of that helps. Sometimes I feel like the only good writing advice out there is that everyone works differently, and you have to find what works for you.

Thank you again, SO MUCH. Truly. This means so much to me, and I am so excited for you!!!!!

[plumdonutsv]

hi!! i saw ur post abt fom :]

i hope u dont mind if i structure this like a point by point answer to questions u put in ur tags <3

i feel like im playing the game right. unlike stardew, fields of mistria doesnt make me feel bad for not using every second of the day. i think fom has a nice balance between easy and not too easy

i kinda feel like im going slow and fast at the same time? time during the day passes in a blink of an eye but when i look at the calendar im like still halfway through the season. idk how to feel abt it yet

my time management is so bad 😭😭 im terribly forgetful so i'd like set a goal for the day and a second later i'd be like "wait what" but i dont usually mind cuz i dont feel rushed by the game at all which i really appreciate. i think that mistria places a huge emphasis of getting to know the people and i love that

i like a LOT about the game: the soundtrack (especially the mines music), the aesthetics, character sprites art, environment art, the art in general, i LOVE the characters so much, it feels like everyone has their own thing but you can't tell all of the stuff they're about immediately i think? like i didn't realize Holt made toys until i saw his station in his house, i love environmental storytelling <33 honestly i love that most of them are so kind to you, it's the kind of game i personally needed. i love that the combat is not a clicker and that u gotta watch how the monsters act to figure out the best way to defeat them, i love the set up, i love that the earthquake has lingering consequences on the town and the community. it's a lot of fun <33 ofc i have some criticizms too and stuff to improve but im too tired rnfjsndbd

OH AND THE LORE!!! i need to know more about mistria's lore. especially the magic and all that stuff thats goin on in the mines

i love all of the characters fr, my fav love interesrs are Ryis and Adeline. Ryis is just so sweet and kind and gorgeous, he loves birds, he's from a family of bakers, he has family with a lot of sisters in the capital that send him care packages with cookies, HE LOVES BIRDS (<- it was the thing that had me like "you're the one"bfjsnhdsnbd) just a disney princess type of guy

Adeline just got me in her palms and i'm not even sure why or how exactly yet but all i know is that i walk around her like a puppyfjsnbd she's such a nerd and i adore her, she loves doing paperwork and calls it a "party", she is the heir to the land and she loves taking care of it and its people but forgets to take care of herself and im just like *biggest wettest eyes at her* also pink hair. oh mh god

and like i think all of the other townies are so cool. I love the kids, theyre the cutest and i love seeing them around town doing their thing. i love that we have different models of families like. man i'm so excited for more stuff in this game

i'd love to chat mistria with u if you'd like to <33 and i'd love to know what u think :D

have a good dayyyy

omg thanks for your response!! i feel like i relate to many things you said. i haven't played a farming sim before bc i didn't think i would like it. since i would prefer games w some kind of story or lore, i didn't think this game would be for me. really, i had no idea what to expect in the game

i feel like i'm also going slow and fast while playing! the day goes by so so quickly but i also feel like maybe i'm not doing enough. sometimes i'm thinking "why are my crops growing so slowly please grow faster!!!" but then i'm surprised w how quickly they grow. i get up and see my tomatoes and corn ready to be harvested. but for the most part, i feel like i'm going at it too slow. i'm almost done w summer but i just got magic

i relate to what you said about time management. there are some items on a task that i just couldn't find so i do another task. then i just entirely forget to search for that item (like i cannot find seaweed still). then literally TODAY i was in the mines for too long and had to rush home. the next in-game day i went to the mines earlier in the day to not make the same mistake.

the music in the game is amazing! i find myself humming along while playing or humming when i'm doing something else. i'm surprised that i even remember how the music goes. i've played totk for a bit but i can't remember a single song. i love how everyone has different seasonal outfits. i really like how celine has a different outfit in the early morning. (idk if other characters have a different outfit at that time i can't remember). i'm glad i could play the game bc i'm gonna be moving back to school soon and this would be a nice way to take a break from coursework.

i also like how most of the characters are nice to your farmer. i just cannot pick one favorite character. it's too hard for me to bc they are all so lovely 😭. i agree that the kids are cute! i try to give luc a bug each time i see him.

one of the things that i don't like so much is that there is only one place to save. i can't remember if there are other places to save

[blitz0hno]

For the ask game: general 1, 3, 6, 7. Prisoner, 1, 3 (Amane), 4 (mikoto) I didn’t ask too much questions did I

I AM SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG RAHHHH I got the notif, forgor, got another ask for this like a day ago, forgot again, and finally check my inbox today lmao you asked the perfect amount of questions no worries!!

General:

1. My favorite prisoner? It really is Mikoto I cannot tell a lie 😭 why? He's just... So heartbreakingly earnest. And when I was on Milgram Twitter back in 2021 I really didn't want his story to be a DID story. I wasn't about to discuss that stuff on a pretty public account no matter how intrigued we were. However, as time went on, and we thought about how all the other prisoners are "mentally ill" in some form or another, we held out hope that the whole "DID murderer who doesn't remember" thing would be subverted in some way. We came to really really look forward to his second trial, and after Purge March even moreso. In our opinion, Milgram team fuckin DELIVERED when Oct. 25th came around. While I personally relate more to John, Mikoto's story and how it's being told are very important to me. The extreme ambiguity of it all makes it better honestly; it's strikingly realistic in that sense. A host who has no idea what's going on or how to deal with it, in a boat with a bunch of presumable singlets who feel the same way, strikes a chord that few other medias have. Plurality is a very difficult topic to do justice, but I think Mikoto's narrative is very humanizing.

3. Favorite headcanon has gotta be the sibling-type relationships, particularly Amane and Fuuta. I love the idea of them stirring up trouble together. Trans headcanons are also my favorite anything ever (transmasc Fuuta and Mikoto/John and nonbinary Amane are my personal favs but transfemme!Fuuta, transfemme!Kazui and other trans headcanons are all GOATed imo)

6. RAHHHHHHH DIFFICULT favorite MV? siiiigh it probably is MeMe. Surprise tone-shift? Check. Tarot motif? Check. THE CRIME IN BRUTAL DETAIL? Check. Lyrics go crazy. Color palette goes crazy. Outfits go crazy. Although I will say "I Love You" is criminally underrated and provocative. Also LOVVVVED Harrow, Tear Drop, INMF, Purge March and Deep Cover. It's so hard to pick!!

7. Who I would get along with? Ironically, probably Fuuta. I think I would put up with his gruff attitude better than most, and we'd probably have similar worldviews regarding justice and the systems in place in society. I've been in similar (thankfully less serious) positions regarding his murder. We both enjoy video games and ramen lol he's still a little shit tho. I also feel like Yuno and I have very similar worldviews and would get along just fine.

Prisoners:

1. What do I think of Amane? Easily one of my favorites. Why? SHE IS SO REAL THAT'S WHY. She's thoroughly heartbreakingly indoctrinated but STILL trusts herself enough to do what's in her best interest in protecting herself. She denies herself so much joy to honor her devotions, even though I'm almost sure she will come to realize that the only "god" looking out for her is her. She just wants everyone to have the "heaven" of infinite happiness she's been promised, and doesn't yet understand that it's something one must make for themselves and that no one can see and know her every move and judge her like that.

3. Amane's first verdict was cruel, but I understand why it happened. Magic's very vague about who she killed and it seemed like she did it simply because the doctrine said to. It was almost like she'd been manipulated into doing it and didn't feel bad at all. When really, she was just joyous that she got to punish her abuser for once, using the rules THEY told her; not the other way around. I still do regret voting "unforgiven," personally. Her second verdict though? Based. I was in the trenches w y'all for that shit. Purge March my beloved. She had every right to punish someone who would torture a child and I don't see how Kotoko doesn't get that??? Amane inno sweep all the way they better treat my girl RIGHT from now on.

4. What do I wish people understood more about Mikoto? Woooo boy. How do I word this.

In the fandom: Mikoto is just a host alter - he's as capable of being mean and aggressive as John is capable of being nice. And his response to John and anger towards the protector is as natural as it is unfair. He's not immune to being a flawed human and deals with stress very differently from John despite sharing a body. Mikoto's denial keeps him going along "normally," but it's doubtless that "he," Mikoto, is truly the responsible one for the crime (as hosts often are the ones making big decisions). And idk, people seem to understand overall?? But there still seems to be confusion sometimes, about how John isn't "just" a protector, but a completely separate person/ego state. Neither one is the "main" alter, or a "nicer"/"better" alter. They're rounded people like the rest of the prison.

In-universe: I wish they understood him and John. I wish they knew he switched sometimes, and that though they're different they aren't dangerous just by virtue of being like that. I wish Mikoto wouldn't shame himself for not "measuring up," and accept himself and what he's done. But we're going to superhell so idk about that.

Thanks for asking!

[dantedeservedbetter]

I don’t think anyone understands just how much I want origin stories of everyone else in Mystreet like they all have really interesting backgrounds that are just tossed to the side of the main plot points (lol abt to be a really long threat again sorry)

Aaron- Didn’t actually get character lore OR a personality until S3 but like I want MORE because tbh I feel like his parents gave him a lot more trauma than what’s shown in the series, and even the stuff IN the actual seasons (the emotional neglect, his military schooling, the tense relationship w/Melissa etc;) are fixed and shoved off like no he might ACTUALLY need therapy bruh PLEASE

Katelyn- I think she was (?) in therapy in the beginning for her anger issues and the loss of her mother but like it was kind of forgotten about tbh. I think she needs more positive moments in the series honestly bc in the later seasons we’re shown she’s partially abusive towards Travis the first time they went out, and ends up being written off as prejudice towards werewolves bc of past experiences??? Naw the Katelyn I know would never do that. AND HER DREAMS OF WORKING IN THEATRE TOO HELLO??? Also, her mom quite literally used her in the Forever Potion experiments as a child?? I feel like that’s important to her character too :/

The Ro’meave Brothers- I don’t actually know where to start tbh because I feel like ALL THREE of them could use some kind of character depth aside from Dumb Blonde, Emo One, and the Forgotten One. Especially Vylad, probably having to witness this entire Lycan situation grow from an outsiders perspective with no contact from his family in forever. It’s shown that Zane is immensely interested in the family business too like hello??? Garroth himself is kind of just written off as a comedic effect most of the time, but he quite literally has no other goals (possibly because he KNOWS he’s going to inherit the business one day whether he cares to or not).

Laurance- He’s not really a character anymore, but from what we’ve actually SEEN in Mystreet he had enough development to become something outside of a potential love interest for Aphmau. He has a fondness for cooking and was seen to be EXCEPTIONAL at it, and I think he still carried an interest in baseball (or idk it was SOME sport asdfghjk the point is he was good). And he was also shown to still help out his family here and there (babysitting Caleb, his baby brother, in numerous episodes). Idk, I feel like there were so many pieces of Laurance that could’ve been explored and touched upon and we hardly got anything. Also… Garrance. Quite literally hate to be that person but it was literally the biggest piece of queerbaiting I’ve ever seen fr I wish it was explored as much as Aarmau was :( (willing to bet the popularity had something to do with what I call the ‘Heartstopper’ treatment but that’s just me tho)

Nana (KC)- The most under appreciated character in-universe I actually had to go and make a separate post about this LOLOL expect it in like five minutes from now bc I just save everything in my drafts.

Travis- Lol no surprise here but him too dude honestly I have no idea where to start with him atm, his entire family’s lore needs a full in depth analysis on themselves because Aphmau’s series just BARELY touches the surface of Travis’s character

Dante/Gene- Honestly BOTH of them were done so dirty I find it funny how no one ever talks abt it because they’re so beautiful to me. Gene already had his redemption arc so I can kind of see why they just tossed him aside but Dante literally had nothing tbh. He had a messy relationship with KC in PDH and then made that same mistake in LLP. Okay, cool, give us more of that. Let him learn from his mistakes and be self aware now. Or better yet let him grow without tossing love interests into the formula in order for it to happen!! Seems like his family life is pretty good though, worst thing abt him was the peanut allergy.

Lucinda- Queen actually has very little to no background that actually centers around her. We know she had a really bad relationship with Ivan but like I’m pretty sure that’s it.

[endlesslystarlitskies]

Lost and Found- Part 10

A/N: Here is part 10! I am going to put a tiny pause on posting for now so my friend can beta read the rest of this story. Hope that’s okay with you guys! But it’s all written out so don’t worry, I’ll get back to posting ASAP! Hope you guys like it! 

Genre: Horror, Action, Adventure, Romance, Slow-Burn,  

Pairing: Leon Kennedy x Named Reader (Named but not Described)

Summary: Ella was one of the missing hikers who was kidnapped by the villagers. She narrowly escaped being sacrificed, but her friends weren’t so lucky. Managing to survive out in the woods with her previous skills and knowledge, she runs into Leon, and that meeting begins the longest, most dangerous adventure of her life as she tries to help him save the girl she saw being taken into the church. What will happen along the way? Only one way to find out.  

Warnings: Canon typical violence and gore, Death, Murder, Monsters, Suicidal ideations mentioned. Also, there is a line in here where Ella says Leon would have made a good cop. Yes, this is a warning. This writing is fictional and does not reflect at all on the real world. That line is not intended to be copaganda in any way, shape, or form. Again, this is fictional and has no bearing on reality. If this warning upsets you, just call A Cab, and take chill ride, cuz I don’t want to hear it. 

Word Count: 6,673

Part 9 Part 11  Story Masterlist

xXx

Ella’s heart dropped as none other than The Priest walked into the small room, letting out a curse as she pulled out her shotgun. She should have known that he would take this chance to show himself, probably thinking she was vulnerable without Leon. Ella was determined to prove him wrong.

“W-Who are you?” Ashley asked as she hid behind Ella, not recognizing the man but having a feeling he would be harder to take down than most of the cultists they faced. 

“I am the Priest Castro, and I am here for my investment.” He answered in that sinister scratchy voice that sent a chill down Ella’s spine.

“Your investment?” Ashley didn’t understand- that was until she realized the man’s red eyes were on Ella. It was then she knew that this man had been the person Ella and Leon had been talking about when they were at the fountain. 

“What the hell do you want? You can’t catch me by surprise anymore asshole, so why don’t you get out of here before I put three rounds into your chest?” Ella threatened. This room wasn’t very large, and the outside risked putting her too far away from Ashley. Ella was sure this guy would love to tell everyone where Ashley was, even if he was here for her.

“Why so volatile? I just want to make sure you become the best version of yourself you can possibly be.” Ella’s brows furrowed. Had the plan to kill her changed? 

“Oh, so we’re back to that again? You really had me thinking you were trying to kill me, what with my being targeted and all.” She growled, and she would honestly rather him do that then try to infect her with the parasite again.

“Ah, yes. Ramon does not agree with my. . .plan. But despite that, here you are, still alive and fighting.” His tone was full of pride, and Ella hated it.

“You’ve got five seconds to leave before I shoot you.” Ella demanded, but before she could take another breath, something whipped forward, slapping the shotgun out of her hand. 

“What the fuck?” She hissed, whatever it was having been too fast for her to see, but she knew it had come from him as his robe fluttered back into place.

Not wasting another second, Ella pulled out her handgun, before firing shot after shot into his head and chest until he was leaning forward, his arms hanging down. 

“Why do you fight me child? Why do you fight your creator?” His words pissed Ella off. 

“You are not my creator. You’re just some cult freak who doesn’t know the difference between right and wrong.” She snapped, raising her gun once more and preparing to empty the clip into his head. She stopped, however, when he began shaking violently, her eyes widening.

“Ashley, run.” She told her, knowing this was about to get bad.

“Wha-”

“Run!” She shouted, and Ashley didn’t try to argue this time as she scrambled to the side door, Ella following right behind her.

She had realized too late that she had left her shotgun in the room, but there was nothing she could do about it now as the doors slammed open behind them, and Ella watched with wide eyes as something crawled out onto the stone top.

“Fuck- Okay. Okay, think. . .” Ella told herself, but she had no idea what she was going up against, not getting a good look at Castro. Whatever he was, he was fast, which would be a problem on its own with just her handgun and knife.

Before she could come up with a game plan, something swung down at them from the roof, and Ella grabbed Ashley before jumping out of the way. Ashley grunted as she hit the ground, but Ella was already sitting up, watching as what had come down at them slinked back up the roof. Was that a tail? No, It looked like the fleshy pink stinger of a scorpion.

A scorpion. Poison.

“God, of course.” She cursed, before turning to Ashley. “Run back into the room. I’ll keep him out here. It’s me he wants.” She ordered her, needing to not worry about Ashley right now.

“Right!” Ashley nodded once, before doing as she was told, Ella focusing on the roof as she tried to catch a glimpse of Castro. She prayed this wouldn’t draw any more attention, because she didn’t know if she could handle him and protect Ashley at the same time. She wasn’t Leon. Ella moved down the stone steps of the castle, getting a better view as she looked up, and it was then she saw him. She had been right. He looked like a scorpion. A disgusting, slimy, fleshy pink scorpion with the top half of a man. He wasn’t as big as the chief had been, but he was still terrifying.

“Let me show you what real greatness can be. Maybe then you will not fight your purpose!” There was an echo behind his voice that added to the eeriness.

“Yeah, good luck with that buddy, because what I’m looking at definitely isn’t greatness.” She shot back, and Castro scowled, before practically disappearing in the next second. Ella barely caught sight of him coming towards her, dodging under him as he crashed into the small stone tower behind her, and Ella took her chance to fire several rounds into his head and back. She only had a few moments to get as many shots in as she could, because soon he was gathering himself, turning and looking at her with fury in his eyes.

Ella ran back up the steps, grabbing ahold of one of the stone columns and using it to spin herself around, just barely dodging another charge. Landing in a kneeling position, she aimed another few shots at his head, getting a feel for the game plan. Dodge his charges and then fire as many shots as she could while he was disoriented. She could handle that.

She was able to do that one more time, before he let out a loud roar of rage, and soon Ella was trying to dodge his stinger as it shot towards her multiple times. It nicked her in the arm, and she fell backwards, her back slamming into the stone stairs as she grunted in pain, the handgun falling from her hands. Before she could blink, Castro was on top of her, Ella surrounded by his many legs as his face inched closer and closer to her.

“Now, prepare to submit yourself to the gift of our God! Become my greatest creation and help me please my Lord and gain his favor!” Ella tried to think of something, anything, she could do in this moment, but she was caged in, and all she had was her knife. She was about to reach for it, it being better than nothing, when the door slammed open.

“Ella!” Ashley shouted, holding her shotgun in hand and tossing it over to her.

It clattered against the stone next to her, sliding down the stairs, and Ella didn’t waste a second as she grabbed it, aiming it at Castro’s drooling face.

“When are you going to learn that you’ll never get me, asshole?” Castro’s red eyes widened as he began to back away. Ella fired her shot, managing to get him straight in the chest, and he screamed in agonizing pain as he fell on his back, writhing and sizzling as his fleshy body slowly dissolved, leaving only his top half.

Ella got to her feet, grabbing her hand gun before stepping toward him as she could still hear his ragged breathing. She looked down at his pathetic body, her expression hard and uncaring.

“Y-You don’t understand your. . .full potential, child. If you would only accept his gift when the-” He croaked, but Ella cut him off.

“No, you don’t understand. I got away from you once, and then again, and now I’ve beat you, for good. I will never let Saddler control me, or accept your stupid religion.” She knew he would never get that through his thick skull, but it felt good to say it out loud. Maybe she was just a civilian with limited skills, but she was still alive despite everything that had been thrown at her. 

“You’re not. . .as clever. . .as you-” He rasped, but Ella didn’t want to hear it anymore.

“Shut up, and die with some fucking dignity.” She spat, raising her handgun and aiming at his head before firing the shot, watching as dark blood and pink bits splattered across the stone. She couldn’t even feel disgusted, only feeling an immense satisfaction flow through her as her eyes took in the dead man who killed her friends- who killed Alice.

She hadn’t been looking for revenge anymore, but she got it, and it felt good. She didn’t feel like she was a worse person for it, but maybe that was because it was done out of survival and not vengeance. She didn’t know. 

 All she knew was that she felt better.

 xXx

She slowly made her way back into the room where Ashley was waiting for her, stretching her aching back out as she did. Why did her back have to suffer so much abuse? You’d think the bad guys could be a little more considerate. Ashley was watching her closely as the door shut behind her, and Ella looked up at her, giving her a small smile.

“Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.” She told her honestly, and Ashley smiled softly, nodding.

Ella moved to put some yellow and red herb leaves on the cut on her arm, just in case. It didn’t burn, but it was better to be safe than sorry. As she was finishing that up, a golden glint caught her eye, and her head snapped to the floor where Castro’s robes lay, the necklace with the red gem lying there.

She moved quickly, Ashley calling her name in confusion as she watched Ella grab the necklace and kick the robes to the side, before walking outside once again, Ashley following.

“What are you-” Her question was answered when Ella slammed the red gem into the stone over and over again, cracking it and making the glow fade, before Ella threw it out into the open air, watching as it disappeared below the rocks.

Ella moved back inside without a word, letting out a deep breath as she sat on the couch. Ashley was cautious in her approach as she sat down beside the woman, and Ella could see in her expression that she had questions.

“He was the man who kidnapped my friends and I. I watched him as he gave the order to sacrifice Alice.” She revealed in a low voice, Ashley leaning against her gently to offer comfort, which Ella appreciated. “He orchestrated it all, and while everyone was distracted, I ran into the woods.” She remembered the memory vividly, looking at the wall in front of them, her eyes unfocused. “He always wore that stupid necklace. Every single time I saw him, he was wearing it. So breaking it and watching it disappear felt like getting rid of the last piece of him.” She admitted, before waiting for Ashley to say something. 

She didn’t, just wrapping her arms around Ella in a hug and resting her head against her shoulder once more. Ella was tense for a moment, not expecting it, before she relaxed, repeating her action from earlier and leaning her head against Ashley’s. Ella felt all her anger and adrenaline leave her, being replaced with a muted calm.

She had never imagined she would be able to kill Castro, let alone on her own, but she had. She hadn’t let fear stop her this time, and now the person who had killed Alice was gone from the world, Alice receiving the only justice that was possible in this situation. 

Ella was one step closer to making sure Alice’s death hadn’t been in vain, and that was all Ella could ask for. The wounds were still very fresh, but now she felt like she could truly move on and heal.  

xXx

The next time the back door opened, it was Leon, and he walked in to see Ella and Ashley leaning against each other on the couch. However, both had shot up at his entry, and Ashley wore her relief in her expression, while Ella kept her expression as neutral as possible, not wanting to show how relieved she was to see him.

“Leon-” Ashley breathed, but he beat her to it. 

“Are you okay?” He asked first and foremost, and Ashley nodded, an apologetic look taking over her features.

“Leon, I-” She caught sight of the black veins running up the inside of his arm. She had known he was infected, thanks to Ella, but now she was seeing the proof, it being the final confirmation she needed.

Leon had realized she had seen the veins on his arm, but when she didn’t seem shocked, he glanced at Ella, who nodded to confirm his thoughts. Looking back to Ashley, he sighed.

“Ashley, look. I know you’re scared, and that’s okay, but you can’t run.” He started, but his voice was gentler than it had ever been with Ashley, and Ella was proud of him for actually finding a way to be comforting.

“Yeah, I know.” Ashley responded in a sheepish voice, but she didn’t stop Leon, knowing she deserved to hear it from him too.

“You gotta keep moving forward. We will beat this.” He was being inspirational, and to Ella’s surprise, it was working, Ashley looking up at him, though she looked unconvinced. “Together.” Leon added, and Ella smiled softly.

Ashley sighed with a shake of her head. “I don’t know if I can.” She admitted, her tone defeated. Ella knew how she felt, as she was constantly questioning whether she had what it took to make it through this, but she never let it stop her, reminding herself that it didn’t matter. It didn’t change the fact that all she could do was try. 

“You can.” Leon was quick with his response, his voice strong and sure to show Ashley that he meant his words. Ella believed them too. Ashley had proven she was capable already. All she had to do was believe in herself. “Just- Give me a heads up before you stab me next time, okay?” He joked, showing her he held no resentment or ill will towards her for what happened, and Ashley let out a breath as she looked to the floor, smiling lightly.

“Leon,” She looked up at him, pausing. “Thanks.” She murmured, the blonde nodding once. Ella felt like Ashley had had more to say, but she didn’t mention it, as that wasn’t her business. Leon looked to Ella next, opening his mouth to say something, before his comms going off caught his attention. When he answered it, Ella moved forward to listen in, hearing Luis on the other end.

“Luis! Where are you?” Leon demanded, his irritation with the man seemingly permanent. Ella once again found herself wondering what had happened in the factory, if it was even all there was to Leon’s obvious distrust in Luis. She had a feeling that it wasn’t. 

“Sorry, I uh, I screwed up. Come to my rescue, Prince Charming.” The last part of his sentence had been spoken in an exaggeratedly dramatic tone, and Leon scowled.

“I’ll show you Charming, Pal.” Ella doubted that. Any time Leon could even be considered remotely charming was all unintentional on his part. She was almost sure him trying would be comically bad. 

“Come on, I’m in the ballroom. Past the courtyard. Don’t be late to the dance!” And with that, he hung up, and Ella had to hold back a light laugh. Luis on the other hand could be very charming, and it made him likable and fun to be around. Leon could use a lesson or two. 

“Can’t believe that guy.” Leon muttered, and Ella almost wanted to ask him right then and there what his problem was with Luis, but she decided against it, deciding she didn’t want to know at the moment.

“He’s in trouble. We can’t just leave him, right?” Ella had to hold back her scoff, finding the question adorable. They could absolutely leave him, but they wouldn’t. He had the medicine they needed, after all. It wasn’t only that, of course. Unlike Leon, Ella wanted to save him, and make sure he escaped this place with them. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll get to him.” Ella assured her, and that’s when Leon’s focus was back on her. HIs blue eyes took her in, before his frown deepened.

“Is that a new tear in your shirt?” Ella was shocked, not knowing how he had even noticed that. She had known he was observant, but she clearly underestimated how much so. Ashley and Ella shared a look, before Ella looked back at him.

“Yeah, about that. . .Well, I guess I should just show you.” She sighed, gesturing to the door they needed to go out of. Walking outside, Leon took in the rubble on the ground, as well as the cracks in the support beams, quickly gathering there had been a fight.

Ella stopped beside the disgusting corpse of Castro, gesturing to him.

“Ta da!” She tried to keep the atmosphere light with her dramatics, but when Leon walked up, his brows furrowed at the dead body.

“Is that-”

“Yup.”

“Did you-”

“Also yup.” Ella knew she couldn’t take all the credit. “And Ashley helped.” That had Leon’s head shooting up. “Relax, she wasn’t in danger. She just tossed me my lost shotgun so I could land the final shot.” He seemed to calm at that, before processing the information.

“Good job.” He told her, his voice sincere as he gave her a half smile, Ella able to see the pride behind his eyes. Unlike with Castro, Leon being proud of her made her feel better, her smile widening just a bit. That, and she felt her own sense of pride. She had protected Ashley, and defeated Castro, avoiding his crazy plans for her, and keeping from adding onto the problem that is parasites right now. She felt accomplished, which was hard to be in this situation. 

 xXx

Getting through the next part of their journey in the castle hadn’t been too terribly difficult, though the maze did confuse them a few times. More Cult members had come in after they got the last flag down, and apparently Ramon hadn’t gotten the memo of Castro’s death, because some of them were still gunning for her.

Taking them down and finishing off the remaining dogs from hell hadn’t taken too long, though, and soon they made their way to the now open gate and into the next part of the castle.

Ella had never been so happy to see the Purple flame before, as she had run out of shotgun ammo a while ago. Opening the door, she didn’t even question how he got here, just making her way over to his table.

“I am so glad to see you.” She admitted to him, and The Merchant laughed.

“Ah yes, I’ve heard you had an eventful couple of hours.” He told her gleefully, and Ella blanked.

“Where?! Where have you heard that?!” She couldn’t help it, not understanding how this man worked, but she was just given another full belly laugh and vague not-an-answer, and she let it go as she stocked up. She decided to try her luck with some small grenades and a flash bang, having seen Leon use them a couple of times and thinking they could come in handy. 

“Also got something else for ya.” He held up a black vest, Ella brightening as she realized it was body armor.

“Oh my god, yes, thank you.” She paid him the money, before taking off her flannel and putting it on. It fit perfectly, and Ella could only once again wonder how in the hell The Merchant knew all of this stuff, but she didn’t bother this time.

Hopefully this will help her stop adding to her collection of bandages.

xXx

Their small reprieve from the horrors of the castle was over rather quickly, much to Ella’s disappointment, and soon they were heading back out, only to be greeted with another statue that was missing pieces. Ella guessed they would have to find them in order to advance forward in the castle if there was no other way through, which there never was. She could dream though.

“God, these people really like their locking mechanisms and puzzles don’t they?” She grumbled, not understanding how they had the time to set all of these up. 

Ashley found the portrait that told them exactly what they needed, and soon they were going through the unlocked doors, keeping their eyes out for a serpent's head, a lion's head, and a ram’s head. 

The serpent's head ended up being locked behind a cage that required them to match the portraits at the front of the dining room they had found themselves in, which was relatively easy to figure out fortunately. To keep from having to lug the thing around, they placed it on the appropriate spot on the chimera statue, matching it to the picture. 

The other two would be just as easy, or at least that was Ella’s hope.

xXx

Ella, Leon, and Ashley all stared down the bridge that led to the ram’s head, not one of them taking a step forward as they looked on suspiciously. 

“So. . .” Ella broke the silence. “We all know this is a trap, right?” She asked the other two to make sure they were thinking along the same lines as her. 

“Yup.” Ashley responded. 

“And we’re still going to go get that stupid gold head?” She knew the answer but she really wished she didn’t. 

“Yeah.” Leon answered this time, and Ella pressed her lips together. 

“Are we sure it’s not too late to just-” 

“We’re sure.” Leon cut her off, and she sighed. She didn’t know why she bothered. 

“Well, at least this pathway has some sort of railing.” They didn’t have to worry about anyone falling off the side again. 

“Way to look on the brightside.” Ashley chuckled, and Ella gave her a nod and a look that said ‘anytime”, before the three reluctantly started forward.

xXx

It hadn’t even taken a minute for a cult member in one of those stupid metal skull helmets to come out and pull a lever, lowering the bridge and making it impossible to get to the ram’s head, and now they were fighting off members in a not so big room.

To make matters worse, one of the men was wearing that red robe with a skull ahead, which spelled trouble for the three of them. That was confirmed when he began chanting and waving around the lantern staff with the crimson flame, and both Ashley and Leon grit their teeth in pain as they grabbed their heads, Ashley letting out a cry. 

Leon tried to fight it off and focus on the members around them, but it was clear he was disoriented and unsteady, Ella having to cover his back as a member tried to hit him with a Flail, before she looked up at the red robed cultist. She tried to get a good angle on him from down below, but he would duck out of the way and hide behind a linoleum column, making it impossible to get a shot, and Ella cursed. Fortunately, though, when he did that, he stopped chanting, giving Ashley and Leon a break. 

Ella knew she had to move quickly to keep him from doing that again, and she looked for an opening past the cultists, deciding she would just have to run through. The cultists were still targeting her when they could,making it a risky idea, but she didn’t have much of a choice considering. 

She used her shotgun, before running forward, having to push cultists and wooden shields out of her path as she found a ladder up to the floor where the man with the red robe was. He started chanting once more, and Ella picked up her pace, climbing to the top and immediately dodging a sickle before she kicked the cultists leg out from under him. Ashley’s scream stopped her in her tracks, however, and she ran over to the railing to see one of the robed men throwing her over his shoulder. Leon was fighting off someone who had run at him while also trying to fight the effects of the red robed man, and Ella cursed. Aiming carefully, she shot the man holding Ashley in the leg, making him drop the blonde, who curled in on herself as she grabbed her head. Then, she aimed at the one on Leon, knocking him off with a head shot.

Ella had to move quickly, and she dodged another attack before finally making it to the red robed cultist. Shooting him in the back, she finally got him to stop spouting that stupid chant as he lurched forward, and she fired again, killing him. With that, she ran to the railing, looking down to check on the two below. 

Fortunately, Leon seemed relatively unscathed, and Ashley had gotten to a safer place, Ella letting out a sigh of relief. She’d have to watch out for those men from now on, their ability to affect the parasites within Ashley and Leon dangerous. 

With Leon back in the fight, they dealt with the rest of the cultists, Ella staying on the top platform and taking care of business from there. Eventually, the last man fell, and the three could take a minute to breathe. 

“What was that?” Ashley panted, referring to the effects of the man in the red robe. 

“I don’t know, but we’ll have to keep an eye on them from now on.” Leon echoed her thoughts, before looking up at Ella in thanks. She smiled, leaning against the railing. 

“Aren’t you glad to have me around?” She grinned, and Leon's expression fell into one of mock annoyance. “Oh come on, would it kill you to just admit you’re happy to have me here to help?” 

“I’ll admit it!” Ashley said happily. 

“Thank you, Ashley.” Ella then turned to Leon expectantly, and the blonde raised his brows at her. He hadn’t been afraid to tell her he appreciated having her around after he had saved her from being sacrificed, so she didn’t understand why he was being so stubborn now. She wondered if it was because of Ashley, and Leon was just too cool to admit that her help was useful in front of the girl. 

Men.

“Will you just raise the bridge and get down here already?” Ella glared for a moment, before a mischievous glint entered her eyes, an idea popping into her head. 

“As you wish.” She responded, and Leon could tell she had something up her sleeve, giving her a suspicious look. 

Ella pulled the lever, before she climbed to the top of the railing, and Leon’s eyes widened slightly. The drop was pretty high, not to mention Ella’s injured legs and her tendency to stumble over her own feet. 

“Ella-” He tried to stop her, but she just winked, before jumping, and he moved quickly. Fortunately, he hadn’t been too far away, catching her in his arms, before looking at her incredulously. Ella was grinning at him, her arms wrapped around his neck. 

“What? Isn’t this what you wanted?” She had known he was going to catch her, not worried about it in the slightest; However, looking at his expression, past the usual light frown, she could see something in his eyes as he looked at her that made her breath catch for just a moment, Ella suddenly becoming aware of how close her face was to his. She couldn’t help but take in his features, never having looked so closely before. Had he always been this good looking? Who was she kidding, she had noticed that pretty early on, but it was like this was the first time she was really seeing it, or allowing herself to see it, and her heart fluttered in her chest. How could she help herself? She could feel his strong arms under her legs and back, and even his toned chest against her side despite the body armor he wore. He was warm and comforting, and after everything they had been through, she knew there was a pretty great, albeit a little rough around the edges, personality to match. As much as she had tried to ignore it, she found it impossible to not feel something more for him. 

“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” His voice was lower than it had been before, and Ella briefly wondered if he was having a similar moment to her, though she knew that was unlikely. Still, she couldn’t help but hope for a second that it was true. 

“Yeah, but I like to think it adds to my charm.” She gave a breathy chuckle, and she felt his chest exhale in a sigh, though he didn’t say anything else. 

xXx

Ella and Ashley walked ahead, giggling and mumbling to each other. Leon almost wished he could hear what they were saying, but at the same time, he had a feeling he didn’t want to know.

Getting back to the main room, they put the ram head in its rightful place, leaving only one piece left. 

Ella stupidly found herself pulling a Leon, and wondering just how hard obtaining the last golden head could be. 

xXx

“Oh, you can’t be serious right now. . .” Ella groaned as the armor around them suddenly sprang to life, parasites peeking out from the openings. She knew this place had reminded her of an arena, but she could have never imagined that the stupid bodies of armor would come alive. The good news, at least, was that Ashley had thrown down a torch of blue flame to try and help, discovering that the light made them freeze. Ella could work with that. 

Moving to the wall, she grabbed one of the many torches, before running to Leon’s side, holding out the light and making the ones that got too close freeze in their tracks. After that, taking care of them was relatively easy, and Ella had been sure to thank Ashley for her quick thinking as they got the gate opened and moved back to the main room. 

“Alright, last piece, thank god.” Ella sighed as she lifted the heavy golden lion head onto the middle slot of the chimera statue, feeling it click into place just before the door to the right slid open, granting them a pathway forward. However, the sound of footsteps echoed through the main room a moment later. 

“You guys, the stairs!” Ashley shouted, and Ella turned, watching as they flooded into not only the bottom floor, but the top as well, and both Ella and Leon drew their weapons. 

“Stay back.” Leon ordered, and Ashley took a few steps away from the statue. This ended up being a mistake, one of the cult members pushing a lever and bringing a cage around both Ella and Leon, separating them from her. And this time, there was nothing to climb over to get to her. 

“Ashley!” Ella gasped, moving to the gate as if she could somehow get to her. They were trapped inside the cage, however, there being a locked door they didn’t have the key to on the opposite side. 

“Muerte!” One of the cultists shouted, and Leon turned. 

“Run, now!” He shouted, and Ashley hesitated only a moment, giving them a look of concern mixed with fear, before she did as she was told and ran through the door they had just opened. Cultists moved to follow, and Ella did her best to shoot them down as Leon focused on the ones attacking them from the outside. Eventually Ashley was out of her sight, and Ella had to will herself to calm down as she tried not to panic, telling herself Ashley would be fine. She was capable. She’d be okay. Ella turned her attention to the robed men still attacking them, though Leon had taken care of most of them, and with Ella’s help, they were finished off. 

Afterwards, though, there was nothing to distract Ella from her worry, and she let out a breath, falling to her ass and resting her back against the metal cage.

“She’s going to be okay.” Leon assured her. He knew Ella had a very personal reason to get Ashley out of here, and that she had grown close to her over the time they’d traveled together. He was worried too, but they’d have to trust in Ashley from this point. 

“Yeah I know, I just hate feeling so helpless.” Ella murmured, looking to the door of the cage as if she’d be able to think of some magical way to open it, but she knew there was no way they were getting through. She looked up as Leon walked over, the blonde taking a seat beside her and resting back against the cage as well. His shoulder was touching hers, which helped bring Ella a little bit of comfort- Well, as much as she could have with her worry for Ashley gnawing at her.

“Yeah, me too.” He agreed in a low voice, staring ahead at nothing in particular. It was quiet for a bit after that, but with the quiet came anxiety, and Ella looked for something to fill it. She realized this was as good a time as any to maybe learn a little bit more about her traveling companion. 

“Hey Leon,” She started gently, and he looked at her, giving her the room to continue. “Have you ever. . .been through something like this before?” She asked the question that had been in the back of her mind since she first saw how cool and collected he was back in the barn, and then every instance after that. Leon’s lips pulled into a soft frown, and Ella was quick to continue. “Sorry, it’s just. . .the way you handle everything we’ve been through- like the horrifying monsters that will give me nightmares for the rest of my life. I almost froze just from fear many times, what with the chief, or the giant- but you? You acted like. . .Like you’d seen worse.” She murmured, and she really wished that wasn’t the case. 

Leon was quiet as he contemplated her question, his eyes becoming unfocused as he seemed to go to another place. 

Ella had started to believe he wouldn’t answer her, and she didn’t blame him if he didn’t. If she was right, then she couldn’t even imagine the horrible things he had been through. 

“Have you ever heard about Raccoon City?” He spoke up after a while, slightly surprising Ella, but she didn’t show it, focusing on what he had said. 

“Raccoon city? You mean that place that was completely destroyed by some huge explosion?” She had heard about it a bit, as it had been a pretty big deal at the time, but she didn’t know much. Something about a corporation called Umbrella, if she remembered correctly. 

“Yeah. The government did whatever it could to cover up what happened, so not much is known about it, but I was there.” Ella frowned, having had a feeling that was the case but hoping she was wrong. “Umbrella engineered viruses to create Bio-organic weapons so they could sell them to the highest bidders, and the viruses were released one day, turning people and animals into monsters. I was just a rookie cop who had no idea what he was walking into. The only reason I’m even alive is because I was late on my first day.” He scoffed lightly. The emotion in his voice was well contained, but Ella could hear it, which meant that whatever happened in Raccoon city was unimaginable. “Too many people died that day. Good people.” Leon sighed, and Ella felt her heart break for him. If Ella remembered correctly, that incident occurred in 1998, which made him about 20 or 21 at the time, if she was guessing his age right. An image of a young Leon, innocent and eager to find his place in the world, popped into her mind, and her heart twisted in her chest.

She had been talking about how Ashley should be enjoying her life and having fun right now, and here Leon had gone through something similar at around the same age. . .What he had gone through had clearly changed him, changing the course of his life and forcing him to grow up far too soon. 

“I’m so sorry. . . you should have never had to go through something like that. No one should.” She murmured sincerely, as she couldn’t imagine what he had gone through. Or maybe she could. At least somewhat. But she hated that he had to go through something like that at such a young age, and now here he was dealing with something like it again. She didn’t know how he did it. 

Leon bowed his head, his hair falling into his eyes and shielding them from Ella’s sight. Ella was quiet a moment, before she leaned her head onto his shoulder. 

“For what it’s worth, I think you would have made an amazing cop.” She hummed softly, feeling his eyes on her for a few moments, before she felt his usually tense body relax. Ella closed her eyes, then, letting the comfortable silence hang in the air for a bit. 

“What about you?” She hadn’t expected Leon to speak up again, and she raised her head, looking at him in slight confusion. “What did you do before this?” She paused, before having to hold back a sheepish smile.

“You’d never guess.” She told him, and he raised a brow, obviously curious to know. “Okay, but don’t laugh.” She forewarned, before letting out a breath. “I am a baker. I own a small business bakery with Alice.” She admitted, and Leon had clearly not expected that. 

“A bakery?” She could hear the amusement in his voice, but she nodded nonetheless. “But your survival skills and-” Ella’s groan cut him off. 

“You can thank my dad for that. He was a shitty parent, but he taught me how to survive in pretty much any situation, made me learn about guns, and take self-defense classes. He was a paranoid asshole, and I never thought the skills would actually come in handy like this, but I refuse to give him any real credit.” She laughed lightly, the strained relationship with her father obvious in her words. 

“Well, you’re the one who’s putting them to good use, so you don’t have to.” She smiled at that, appreciating that he didn’t try to defend someone he didn’t even know like so many others.  

“You’re damn right, because what good are those skills if you can’t apply them when they’re needed?” She said confidently, feeling a little prouder of herself, before she laughed once more, shaking her head at herself. 

“Are you going to go back?” Ella was surprised Leon was asking her so many personal questions, but pleasantly so. Her interest in his personal life being reciprocated meant that maybe she and Leon were closer to being on the same page than she thought. It was hard to tell with him, though.

“Hm. . .I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about what’s going to happen after all of this. I’ve mainly been focusing on just surviving it, but. . .I don’t think so. I don’t know if I can.” She admitted honestly, and he nodded, clearly understanding how she felt. It was nice to actually learn a little bit more about Leon, and to share some things about herself, Ella feeling closer to him, and not just because they were going through this together anymore. 

Comfortable silence settled over them once more, and this time, neither wanted to break it, Ella once again resting her head on Leon’s shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind it, after all.

[kravisaweeb]

okay ive just been thinking about bkdk wayy too much recently (when am i not, though, honestly?) and i just Have to dump my thoughts somewhere. these are my own personal opinions and if you don't agree 100% (or at all) that's perfectly fine!

it's kinda Long and Rambly so beware lmao

so ive been reading more bkdk meta (of course) and like, i have so many conflicting feelings cause. y'all, no amount of evidence and logic and reasoning and thematic and narrative parallels and development and arc conclusions and build-up and Everything will make a weekly shonen jump main title gay. that's My opinion as a terribly bitter cynic, and it is in no way meant to rain on other people's parades (if you think they will be canon, you are more optimistic than i and are making the world a sweeter place). I've just been burnt too many times, i don't really expect anything from mainstream media At All—only indie content gets my unfiltered hype and hopes—and whenever things do shake up differently from what i thought, it's a nice surprise! cause the alternative is, This Mountain of Evidence and Development... and then oops get hit with the straightification beam on the last second.

"but it would be so unsatisfying! and completely out of nowhere! and just plain out of character! and ignore so much development! and it wouldn't make any sense at all with what has been established in the story!" Yeah. i know! im as angry and annoyed and disappointed about it as anyone. and yet, so many fucking times, that's how it goes. it would be terrible, and weird, and completely against everything that's been set up, and yet it would happen anyway. this is true even for things that are not shipping-related—ask game of thrones how it ended. cause executives are Executives everywhere, including the "west", which is """"supposedly"""" more liberal (lol, lmao). people with money that make all the decisions force creatives to comply, or fight with tooth and nail and blood and sweat and tears into allowing them to make the story they DO want to make. so it's really hard for me to see it in any other light, when i have seen it happen so many times before.

and yet.

And Yet. i cant help but think, but wonder—what is it all for then, anyway??

i can honestly say, taking off my shipping goggles for a moment, bkdks platonic relationship has ended. it really ended two years ago, culminating when bkg took a bullet for him, and then was cemented when he apologised, you know, to trample down any doubts. there we go, narrative concluded! from rival to best friend. all loose threads tied in terms of their relationship. if that's how it had ended, how it had stagnated, remained in stasis, with this New Dynamic the new canon going into the final battle then show over. yeah. typical shonen bestie stuff. it would have ended and i would have gone "oh they were in LOVE fr" forever, but knowing that people who were like "this is what besties are like! this is what siblings are like!" also had as much of a claim to their interpretation as mine (even if i didn't personally agree w it lmao)

BUT IT DIDN'T STOP THERE and i have to ask why???? WHY is it more central i Don't Get It. i dont understand? i really dont get it cause.... why? bkg is important to deku, yes. other people are also important to deku (all might, his mom, his other friends, civilians, any lost pet he has to kill himself over cause he is a Good Caring Shonen Protag). that has been established for forever. so i don't rly understand the necessity to further highlight that One part of his personality (caring about kacchan) to motivate him into fighting the Big Bad Villain, when 1. he would've fought the villain anyway cause that's what heroes do, and 2. it could have been a generic "you hurt my friends!!" and like lump in more people there, like in the first war arc where several people got hurt (aizawa, gran torino, etc).

but No! you hurt that guy. that guy, that while he was dying, the villain, textually, explicitly says, "i am hurting you because it will make deku angry and sad, since you are his most important person" (that's almost a fucking quote im basically QUOTING here). and it's like, what? lmao wait. what?? why???

what is it building up towards?? i dont get it. it's not going to build up to the apology/their relationship being mended (what we thought would be the climax of the whole thing), cause that already happened. there's no "oh my god if kacchan dies he'll never get to say sorry!" stakes, or "oh my god if deku fails he'll never be able to be friends with kacchan again!" stakes, cause like, that already did happen though. i mean i know obviously in real life, you do things for people just for their sake, not because of what it will mean for your narrative arc. but this is a made up story and thus needs storytelling reasons for shit to happen. so what is the reason for deku needing to be pushed, needing to be backed into a corner, over kacchan dying? why did bakugo have to die (had to get FRIDGED, it's a trope and everything), if not so that his death would fuel dekus rage (which we were told explicitly was the reason why)? why, out of everyone on the battlefield, out of everyone in the CAST, did it have to be bakugo, the one to make deku Lose It?

i mean we know why, but still. what? is it really, textually, canonically That?

i just don't get it. and secretly, deep deep inside, i really hope we get to find out soon

[destinyc1020]

I think a lot of the Austin hate now stems from Jacob fans, bt i find many of Jacobs "fans" to b very fleeting. i think the voice comments will always b there bt a lot of ppl got over the unjustified rumors of him cheating on Vanessa and ppl do think he/Kaia gerbers age gap is weird (ik i do 🥴) bt Austin just got famous from Elvis last yr n I dnt really think Kaia is that relevant in pop culture so some ppl will point it out bt I think their kinda overlooked as a couple. I think over time he will b fine though his fanbase seems to b strong

Yea, the Elvis/Jacob/Austin comparisons were bound to happen, so that was a given. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I still don't really get the voice thing tbh. Yea, his voice might be slightly different, but if you compare it to 7 years ago, his voice/accent basically sounds the same. He just has an older voice now, and maaaybe a less hard enunciation of certain words probably due to the Elvis vocal training all those years. But other than that?? People drove that voice thing into the ground imo.

Look, even Tom has an older voice now. That's what normally happens when you age. Your voice (yes, even women's voices) change a little, and usually get deeper with age.

But yea, I'm sure eventually people will get over it with him just like they got over the Anne Hathaway hate...

I'll address the Kaustin and Vanessa stuff below 👇:

RE: Kaustin....

I've already talked about what I think about them as a couple on my blog several times before... 🤐 Honestly? They as a couple have always seemed a bit OFF to me (and I'm not just talking about the age gap thing ; which is cringe in itself) and idk why. Look, I've tried to like them as a couple, and her, but I just can't get over the nepobaby-ism, and the weirdness of that family. I actually used to think they were real (and maybe they are?🤷🏾‍♀️) but this year, certain things about their relationship have seemed a bit contrived and pap-heavy??

Not only that, but they barely even look like they're close friends w/each other half the time ROTFL. 😅🤣 Their vibe is so off to me lol. I'm sorry. But the gut doesn't lie. They look so bored and dead w/each other sometimes. I keep saying that Vanessa is the one who got away... 👀 Want proof? Just do a simple Google search photo comparison of his "couple" pics with V and his "couple" pics with K. That's all I'll say lol... 🤭

But hey, if they're happy, then I'm happy for them!? 🤷🏾‍♀️ Idc who he dates honestly, just as long as she's a kind person, is genuine, down to earth, and is dating him for the right reasons.

Here's some tea☕for you.... There's been some in the fandom who spilled that supposedly, Kaia went after HIM. 👀 That wouldn't surprise me lol.

RE: Vanessa...

Yea, I never fully believed the cheating rumors tbh, cuz things just didn't make sense. And no woman I know would be hanging out with the girl who her bf of 9 years cheated on her with. Add to the fact that their families (esp her sister?) still follow each other?🤔

Also add to the fact that Ash Tisdale is still SUPER close to Austin, and I know she is/was a close friend of V's as well, so I doubt she'd be hanging tight with him if he cheated on her friend like that. 🥴 So things just never made sense?

More tea ☕ for you....Take this with a HUGE FAT GRAIN of salt (because who knows if any of this stuff is true?), but word on the street is that supposedly, Vanessa was the one who broke up with Austin. 👀

IF that is true, then that would explain a LOT. Supposedly, it had to do with Elvis filming. 🤐 Supposedly, they had already broken up before the film even started filming. It's a long story.

Anyway, they seemed really happy together all those years, so it's kinda sad they weren't able to try to work things out again. But oh well! It's too late now! V is about to be a married woman (if she isn't already!). 😅

Honestly?? I don't blame her if she really wanted marriage and a family, and she didn't want to continue to spend more time waiting for him (and his career, etc) to catch up.

[whoredmode]

Dexteros: Pre-relationship 6, Love 5

Troyteros: General 8, Love 9

Kinzteros: General 3, Domestic life 9

😊

SHIP QUESTIONS (send me more!)

sorry this took a minute i was getting my hair done then i had to pick up some dinner it was a whole thing. ANYWAY.

Dexteros: Pre-relationship 6, Love 5

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think?

this is a cute thing to think about. i don’t think dex ever believed in soulmates, whereas anteros finds a soulmate in just about anyone. but especially if you told him after they’d been dating for awhile during sr1, i think anteros could believe it. even afterwards. despite everything. like how do you stay so devoted to this, to spend every waking minute thinking of him. the things you wished you could’ve said or done. of course they’re soulmates.

if you told sriv/post-sriv dex? i could see him believing that in like an almost incredulous “of course” kinda way. who else but anteros?

Who’s better at comforting the other?

i’d say it might depend on the era. sr1 i think anteros would be better at it bc i think at times dex has a tendency to kinda say the wrong thing? not that he intends to, i just think (especially during sr1) he’s not the best at relating to people. it’s something i think he gets MUCH better at the older he is though. anteros meanwhile i think is better at it in general.

there is a moment tho during sriv where after an extremely intense solo battle between anteros and some philosotologists, dex is the one who finds him and is able to calm him down. holds him and grounds him and in that moment is able to tell him everything he’s wanted to say the past 10 years. he’s here, he’s here, he’s still right here.

Troyteros: General 8, Love 9

Who gets jealous easier?

honestly…troy. if only bc he gets like. rightfully kinda typical boyfriend jealous. like for example during the LoP story when he meets torque for the first time, anteros is being his usual self around torque and still kinda playfully flirting w him and i can easily imagine troy getting a lil annoyed by it. anteros is just not the jealous type. clingy at worst but not necessarily jealous. anteros probably thinks the jealousy is kinda cute tho, and the jealousy itself never extends past just mild annoyance. it passes quickly.

on a semi-related note i would not be surprised if when they have their big argument prior to their breakup, troy makes a comment about dex not being there anymore but anteros still being so obsessed. it comes out much worse than intended, but the moment is meant to be a bit of a breakdown on troy’s end bc he’s been bottling up so much the past 5-6 years. anteros wasn’t too offended (definitely still hurt but y’know. to be expected) but he was more concerned for troy in the moment, and there are sincere apologies when everything cools down, don’t worry.

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?

troy isn’t much of a pet names person tbh, but i do think he’ll call him the occasional “babe” sometimes. anteros is all about pet names tho. calls him pookie, baby, booboo, etc. even after they stop dating anteros still calls him pet names, but that’s just anteros in general. everyone gets a nickname. i like to think he does it to troy the worst tho

Kinzteros: General 3, Domestic life 9

What was their first kiss like?

i’ve never really considered that before tbh? their relationship really does just kinda Happen, so i wouldn’t be shocked at all if their “first kiss” was just them making out when they started having sex w each other

Who’s the better cook?

ohhh neither. so good at microwave meals. anteros knows what wines pair best w what frozen foods if that counts for anything.

with that in mind, they eat out a lot. diner dates are a staple for them. kinzie doesn’t sleep, anteros has sleep problems, they’re both awake at 2AM and the diner’s open 24/7. both looooove getting breakfast food together. their alone time is sacred to them both, and sometimes it’s nice to just sit and eat waffles and hashbrowns in a quiet diner, making each other laugh while the rest of steelport sleeps. for a minute there’s no one else but each other, and that’s all that matters.

[oleander-nin]

OLLIEEE I'm saying hi because you're still fresh on my mind from the other day (and I'm bored) Also I don't think you talk enough and if you're anything like me (you are) then you probably don't talk about stuff unless prompted through ask games because you assume you'll annoy everyone so SURPRISE

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

OLLIE INTERVIEW TIME

(I'm putting questions in orange because it's WAY too uninteresting if it's all blue. And I don't know I just associate you with orange so I'm assigning it to you.)

What's your favourite colour?

Because I don't wanna put stuff in orange if you don't like orange lmao

How much do you research for your stories?

I always get way too caught up researching things to make sure it's accurate, get off track, and then time goes by and I've exhausted myself before starting :(

How much do you outline fics vs how much typically comes as you write it? Does the direction change as you go?

For me, it's the same issue again. I spend way too much time thinking about a proper fleshed out outline before I even BEGIN and then I just. never start

Are there any fics you've started, but ended up scrapping? (And if so will you tell us about them pleeease)

I have. So many wips. Will I finish them? No. Do I at least try? Also no.

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

(Also, am I allowed to just ask questions like this in the first place? More? Less? Should I keep them about writing or can I ask about you? Probably should've asked all of this before. Oops)

(You don't have to answer any of these if you don't want! You're totally welcome to delete this ask and I won't be upset /gen. Just want to bring you out of your shell a little if I can. Or at LEAST let you know I'm curious about you. Also I'm having fun with Tumblr formatting if you can't tell, I'm still new to this lol)

- ☄️

Hi Comet(if you're cool with me calling you that)! and wow that call out was on point lmao. I have a hard time justifying talking on here lol.

My favorite color is yellow, but I basically love every color but green. Never green. I'm very happy to know I give off Orange vibes though, it's top three.

Depends! Usually a lot. I am not a fan of inaccuracies, especially when it's something I can fix by just spending a couple hours reading articles and watching videos. I get the exhaustion thing though! My best advice I could give is stick w/ a video to start with, and watch it while you're doing something else. Whether it's cleaning, cooking, having just the audio playing while you drive(do not watch while driving pls), or anything else. It's good to just absorb the information first and getting into the nitty gritty later.

Ooo, okay. so, I basically make a paragraph of what my idea is first and that's my 'outline'. Then, I kinda just go at it. If the direction changes and I gain a better idea as I'm writing, then I go for it! It'll usually be better with the 'on the job' plot anyways, since it's what flowed more naturally. Don't try to force a plot just because it was in your outline.

Current count is ~39 personal wips. I wouldn't say they're scrapped, just put on the backburner until I finally finish the requests and get motivation to finish them. Though I do have scrapped ones for other fandoms, like a whole fic I planned for a vigilante Midoryia(which I just checked, had only written 3 pages for before ignoring it lol). And also technically the first draft of TWOAL.

Of course you're allowed to ask questions! Anyone can honestly ask me anything they want, though I may not answer all or I'll just be vague with it if it's something I'd like to keep more personal. I freaking love questions, whether they're about me, my writing, or just anything in the world. I really appreciate you doing this, I had a ton of fun and it's nice to know y'all'd like to know about me. Thank you so much.

also take the writing 'advice'/tidbits with a grain of salt. I have had a pretty harsh wakeup call on how I write, and I've learned pretty quickly I'm a bit of an outlier with how I go about it. What works for me may not for you and that's okay!

[zucchinibread777books]

Why Fish Don't Exist Book Review

Why Fish Don’t Exist by Lulu Miller Review

Summary:

In this memoir/biography, Lulu Miller takes us through her obsession with David Starr Jordan and how he managed to persevere throughout so many hardships. In his story, Miller searches for the meaning of life and why she too should continue, knowing that in the grand scheme of things it’s pointless. Little did she know, it wasn’t his story that gave her that meaning, but the stories of those she met in her search. And the new knowledge that fish don’t exist.

Review:

To begin, I really think it is best to go into this story not knowing anything about David Starr Jordan. Miller very intentionally wrote this in a way where we would learn the information in the same way that she did, and knowing how his story ends will leave you questioning her intentions throughout the story and will take away from the impact a lot. So, if you haven’t read this book, don’t read this review because SPOILERS AHEAD!!

The good:

I really enjoyed this book. My first impression after finishing was just “wow, I really think everyone needs to read this”. I went into it completely blind. I read this for a book club and didn’t even read the summary before picking it up, so I honestly didn’t realize it was nonfiction at the beginning.

The way Miller writes is very engaging, especially for someone like me who doesn’t read a lot of nonfiction. She had clear goals for what she wanted to say with this book and in my opinion, she met them very well. She also clearly put a lot of thought and research into everything she mentioned, even going so far as to include illustrations primarily made with a sewing needle, which I thought was a nice nod to the story that started her interest in David Starr Jordan.

I also felt that a lot of what she put into words here were beliefs that I have lived by for a long time. Ideas of nothing mattering in the grand scheme, but they still matter to those around you. Other things like how small of a grasp humans really have on the world, and no matter how much we try to make sense of nature, there is always going to be so much we don’t know. How much we discount the intelligence of others due to our own warped sense of superiority. It was so comforting to see these feelings put so clearly on paper.

It also turned out to be a good warning about who you pick as your inspiration, because the person that you thought had it all figured out might have just been far too self-inflated.

Not all of this information was completely new to me, so I can’t say I was surprised by anything in this book, but for those who are truly unaware of the issues she discusses, I think there is a lot that could change your view of the world. I also think it may just inspire you to find interest in a subject that you may not have even known existed. I know I did.

Here are two of my favorite out-of-context quotes:

“Your mom? Absolutely. A fish.” (pg 175)

“His hurt, imagining him in some degree of anguish… it has a wonderful effect.” (178)

The bad:

When I was reading this book, there were a few things I was expecting her to delve into more. Things like how gender and race played into the topics she discussed. While she touched on them a little, she didn’t go very deep. It is clear she put a lot of research into this as a taxonomist and that gender and racial studies were not her specialty, so if you are looking for more commentary on that then this probably isn’t the book for you.

After finishing, I also decided to read some of the one-star reviews, because I was curious what could have led someone to hate the book so much when I really loved it. Many people said that she seemed to be idolizing a person who, with one quick Google search you would know, was a deeply deeply horrible person. I think this is true. Even though she does break down exactly what he did and how he ended up being the person he became, it’s still pretty clear that some part of her still obsesses over him. I will give her one benefit of the doubt, which is that the information available to us now was not so available when she first began her journey (see the linked interview). She started this research rabbit hole because of a legend passed around her school and learned the horrible things along the way. I think its very intentional that the book started out speaking so highly of him, because she was trying to take us on the same journey she went through, but she failed in making the horrors just as emphasized.

Miller also writes about some of her life experiences and choices, and at no point in the story did I think she was a particularly good role model either. She had something to say and she said it well, but she definitely made choices in her life that I am very morally against (cheating, for example), and failed to recognize the dangers of idolizing a man from a time so fraught with societal issues.

I may not agree with her on some things, and I may not have had to go through her same journey to reach the conclusions that she did, but I do think that what she had to say in this memoir was important and worth reading.

I would recommend this book highly and I definitely see myself rereading it in the future, so for those reasons I give this book

4.5 Stars

The interview: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/lulu-miller-why-fish-dont-exist_n_5e90a9ccc5b6d641a6be4aef

[alienssstufff]

(rambling brick of text inbound) Zombie apocalypse anon back again! Just wanna say first off that was the nicest answer I could've asked for lmao. I totally agree that in general the flaws in the genre are a case of missed potential and shallow writing; in fact that can apply to most mainstream dystopian stories imo. (TLOU and many Miyazaki films are strong exceptions to this rule ofc)

For me, the biggest draw of the dystopia/apocalypse genre has always been the human aspect---how humans as *individuals* cope with the worst-case scenarios, how they work together to survive, how they thrive in spite of their situation. Too many stories paint an incredibly pessimistic picture of the apocalypse, for example assuming that people would turn on each other and lose their collective moral compass. I think the opposite is true personally, and more stories should be about the indomitable human spirit (or whatever lol)

Having said that---you also make a great point about the more scientific/worldbuilding potential in zombie (and similar) apocalypses. From a writer's pov, it's so fun to think about HOW these things work and building the scariest possible monster/disease/etc xD And it makes the story so much more immersive!!! I'm glad you brought up the Rat King from tlou2 because holyyyy buckets that thing scared the heck out of me but in the *best* way lmao.

Also thanks for the movie/anime recs! Always hunting for more quality content like this :D

I'm glad you had fun with my question :3 Next time pls get some sleep tho haha /lh

[and rambling wall of text be upon yee] YES YESSS!!! Good apocalypse (&dystopia stories) so freaking difficult to find I usually don’t indulge in them as much cuz of it -w- exceptions that it’s synopsis is unique enough or the thing is written just too good to pass up

I totally agree with you with humanity being the genre’s biggest draw-in, honestly surprised how little of it is in mainstream. And that’s such an interesting take on the apocalypse - bringing out the strongest qualities in people and strengthening the bonds between others even in the worst of situations ,,, I like that :] I’ll keep that in mind when I write. and to vouch more for Gakkou Gurashi without spoiling anything it does a good job being an example of it done right(?)

--Admittedly tho the negative aspect of humanity is also my draw to apocalypse scenarios, seeing how messed up something so despairing can change a person for survival but at the same time too much of it or it written in the wrong way can get jarring very quickly. I like how the weight of one’s principles and emotional baggage extremifies (?) when going into the apocalypse and how it could greatly influence their actions and motives later down the line -  good or bad. Survival and all that..

And likewise! Zombie Apocalypse Anon I trust your judgement and open to media recs from you too :]c

I had so much fun with your question I love talking about stuff like this :3

[go-go-devil]

tell me about your hylics guy, wayne

First Impression: Already loved his design, but I remember being a bit unsettled by him at first, largely due to Hylics 1's pretty gruesome death animation

Impression Now: Freakin' goofball anarchist who steals dynamite and riches from the elite and loves his friends as much as he loves prog/noise rock. Love this moon man! 🌙 🎸🌯

Favorite Moment: The progression of the "You accidentally crushed it..." joke in the first game. Don't wanna spoil it for you, but someone on this site once compared it to the "Despite everything, it's still you" moment in Undertale and I really can't help but agree XD

Idea for a story: I've still got several ideas for stories about Wayne, mostly regarding his relationships with the other characters in the game. I've started to draft a fic rn that I want to keep a surprise, but another story I would like to tell is how he met up with Old Wayne (as I personally see them as two separate characters instead of H1 Wayne's evolution) and his relationship with his clone siblings from H2

Unpopular opinion: Good question. There's so little characterization for everyone in Hylics that the fandom rarely ever gets mad at headcanons for these characters

I will say that a few hc's I have for him that I don't think many others agree w/ me on is that Wayne doesn't share a hivemind with his siblings & Old Wayne (and actually has trouble relating to them) and that he doesn't smoke tobacco. The latter I see a lot in artwork of him despite cigarettes never showing up in the game, which is cool and all but I just don't see him as a smoker personally. I think Dedusmuln should be the one smoking heavily while having to record all of their archeological exploits lol

Favorite relationship: Wayne is 100% in a queerplatonic polycule with Somsnosa, Dedusmuln, and Pongorma! I hc them all as aspec, with Wayne in particular being aroace, and honestly after everything they've been through they deserve each other 💛❤️💙💚

On a darker side of the moon man, I also do enjoy the hints we get to his past relationship with Gibby. Obviously it must have been terrible for Wayne to want to kill him so badly, but it's the fact that Gibby himself doesn't seem to want to give up on Wayne that fascinates me. I could go further into this, but that would be giving away too many spoilers for both games' endings

Favorite headcanon: Probably that Moonage Lobotomy was originally formed by him and Somsnosa not long after he first "fell" to Earth. I like to imagine he found his first guitar in a garbage can and the pair started out making the shittiest self-produced rock music you could ever imagine. It helped them form such a tight bond with one another, and served as a decent distraction from the lunacy the world was trapped under...

[galedekkarios]

mx galedekkarios dot tumblr dot com may i please have some gale and/or bloodweave hcs from your big beautiful mind 👉👈 (or honestly just any longform post of bg thoughts at all bc ur tags keep inflicting me w gory stickmen disease and wanting to read more ;;)

oh anon whadda hell.. u flatter me. 🫶 i unplugged my brain real quick and gave it a shake and this is all what fell out (some are mature):

in a modern au, gale's second favorite cuisine (after greek ofc) is east asian! he loves to both eat it and cook it from scratch. chinese, korean, japanese, etc. he's even good at other asian cuisines like thai and vietnamese. he's gotten very familiar with a lot of recipes and actively tries to learn more. when he doesn't feel like cooking that night, he opts for takeout. he's been a loyal customer of a handful of restaurants for so long that they already know his tastes too.

the only reason why gale's students don't try to flirt with him is because he's too much of a "my wife" guy. he's always wearing his ring, always talking about his partner, and has portraits of them in his office and everything. there's just no way you don't know that he's happily taken. you could be talking about the most random thing ever and he'd be like "omg! this reminds me of how my partner blahblahblah—" and everyone else is just like 😐 because he's already told this story five times before. not even tara is safe from this (and she was probably present for whatever story it is this time, too!). [this is assuming his students are older / uni prof]

i think gale would be the type of person to have a very Intense gaze without meaning to. the kind where you can feel it whenever he's looking at you. or when he's gazing at you lovingly, or even just looking you in the eye as you speak, it's almost too much. it's just so earnest, so sincere, so... intent on witnessing you and really paying attention, that it's like. whoa man. whoaaaaaaa now let's fucking chill before i blink and realize i've fallen in love with you alright 😳 (and, of course, this Greatly unsettles astarion in the beginning bc he's someone that can't afford to be seen.)

i know in my heart that mr "mine was a popular hand at the annual blackstaff's ball" + bagged a goddess + with the way i talk you can't be surprised i'm a generous munch + wyll, is it true that ppl think wizards don't fuck? :( bc i assure you we absolutely do!!!!! + mystra had pleasure domes dekarios was a hot girl once and his pussy still does pop severely. he's just in his depression era rn 💔

wyll calls gale elegant, minthara calls him dashing, shadowheart says he smells like a wealthy dowager, lae'zel assumes correctly that he had many tutors in his youth, and gale frequenting the temple of beauty in waterdeep all make me feel like gale x astarion are very the lady and the tramp coded. after they get married, they're old money x new money.

gale is always eager to teach astarion new spells, but astarion only gets excited about the ones that either help him be a better scoundrel and/or that spice up their sex life. which like. is still a win for them both either way

um. throat goat. that's it that's the headcanon sorry except it's also not really a hc bc he alludes to this but it's important to me tht we repeat it. but also maybe it shocks astarion the first time he's on the receiving end of it like boy WHAT!!!! you didn't tell me you was a freak like that!!! literally that damn shawty ok meme. gale gives him such wet sloppy glizzy gluck that it makes astarion feel like he has to wipe his ass afterward smh

neither of them want to get anywhere near bugs, but in any au gale would be the type to take it outside and astarion would just kill it using one of gale's 39304308309 books laying around

gale struggles to catch sarcasm and astarion loves to rile him up and take the piss out of him for it. lovingly ofc. whenever gale does understand astarion's sarcastic comments, he feels very proud of himself.

astarion sometimes drops things on purpose just to watch gale bend over. sorry (i'm the one that's sorry, not him btw)

[fallenwillow21]

“Hes back!” (1st person)

I set ralsei on his bed after he fainted, he mumbled something like "don't leave me" and "please stay", but I can't stay here forever, he knows that. I sighed, petting ralsei's head, I heard a knock on the door. I got up, going to the door, opening it.

"Wow, your actually in here"

Susie said, then looking at ralsei.

"Holy shit, did you-"

I kicked her leg before she can finish her sentence.

"Ow! You ass! I was joking!"

"Can you lower you voice?"

Susie looked at me after I said that.

"Anyways, we're about to leave"

I looked back at ralsei, the prince was sleeping peacefully. I sighed, looking back at susie.

"Ok, give me a minute"

Shutting the door, I walked back to ralsei's bed. I set my scarf next to him, then kissing his forehead.

"Sorry my prince, but I have to leave.."

I left the castle, seeing susie, Noelle, and berdly wait for me.

"Finally, hurry up next time!"

Susie said, as lancer laughed, then started to speak.

"Yea blue person!"

The two then started laughing. I looked at the other two, asking them a question.

"What did you two think about castle town?"

The two looked at each other, then the bird spoke.

"It's impressive that you two are friends with a prince"

Berdly said, making susie laugh.

"A prince AND a king."

Susie laughed, as lancer spoke.

"That king is me!"

Berdly looked at the two, wondering how a kid could be a fucking king? Honestly, that story is for another time. Noelle looked confused like berdly, as I started to walk to the front.

"Hey! Wait up for us kris!"

Susie yelled, catching up, as the other two followed.

"How is lancer a king? He's just a kid.."

Noelle asked, then realizing something.

"Is his father...dead..?"

Susie scoffed, then speaking.

"God I wish. That asshole doesn't care about anyone but himself."

"Then where is he...?"

I looked at noelle, responding to her.

"In the basement.."

Berdly looked at me and susie as we were about to leave.

"When will we come back?"

Noelle asked, susie sighed and looked at her.

"Me and kris were gonna come back and stay for All of winter break."

We were back at school, in the old classroom. I looked out the window, seeing it was late. Noelle noticed this too, knowing she was gonna get in trouble with her mother, so was I...

"Welp, see ya nerds tomorrow"

Susie said, leaving. Berdly also left, do it was just me and noelle.

"W-well kris, do you wanna go home?"

Noelle asked, as we were walking out of school.

"We can visit your father"

I suggest, Noelle looked at me, smiling.

"Sure! That's what I do after school"

Noelle said, as we started walking to the hospital. When we got there, we both saw that the hospital was closing soon, we both went inside, it was quiet...too quiet... Noelle asked if she and I could see Rudy, which the monster at the front nodded, telling us we have ten minutes.

We both went to the room Rudy was in, only to see someone familiar. Noelle froze, she started to tear up.

"Dess...?"

Noelle ran to to dess, hugging her.

"Noelle! I've missed you so much!"

Dess laughed, does that mean...

"C'mon kris, join the group hug"

Dess said, as I walked to the two, joining the hug. Was she just visiting from collage or was she done?

"Kris, there's a surprise at your house go check it out"

I looked at dess, nodding, rushing to the house.

When I got there, I stared at the door, hesitating to open the door. Why was I hesitant? If he's back, I should be happy... happy the he's back..I sighed, opening the door, closing it from behind.

"There they are!"

I turned, tearing up from seeing him, I ran and hugged him.

"Azzy!"