#hope it's figured out before i run out of my adhd meds LOL

[yeahyouresocool]

they should invent a parent that you can trust and rely on

[bazypitchandsimonsnow]

Fic Writer Interview!

Thank you to the amazing @carryonsimoncarryonbaz and @bazzybelle for tagging me, you peeps are awesome!

Name: Theo [ridiculously Irish last name]

Fandoms: Carry On, obviously haha. Rn I’m very invested in MDZS/The Untamed, been reading fics nonstop! In general, I like Raven Cycle, Red, White and Royal Blue, DC comics, Locke & Key, and A LOT of web comics. Seriously, it’s a comical amount.

Where you post: Here on the Hellsite and on AO3. I used to post on FF but I stopped using that account a long time ago. The web design is garbage and the small text made my eyes hurt. No thank you!

Most popular one-shot: To my legit surprise, it’s “Love, Snow”! It’s not that this fic is bad, I actually really like it, but I though it would be “Just a Friend Date” or the Watford Cove sequel. Love, Snow was a weird af idea I had that I didn’t expect to get attention, but apparently people like it! So yay!

Most popular multi-chapter: Oh, definitely “Straight Boy.” I was also kinda surprised by how popular that one ended up being. I legit wrote it on a whim cause I thought a reddit post was funny, and in my self critical opinion, it’s not that well written, but people really liked it so yay again!

Fic you were nervous to post: Every. Single. One. I shit you not, I go through multiple rounds of anxiety before I post anything. Then afterwards I’m filled with even MORE anxiety and constantly read fics over to make sure I don’t have huge spelling/grammatical errors. I’m happy to put my work out there but it is def very nerve wracking every time.

How do you choose your titles: Usually I just think of them or I use song lyrics. If I’m completely stumped, I usually ask @carryonmylovelies for help, and she always has great ideas. (Btw none of my writing would exist without her. She usually gives me at least one suggestion for all my stories. There’s a reason I thank her in almost every fic.lol)

Do you outline: Hahahahaha fuck no! I’m a chaotic probably ADHD mess, I don’t have the patience for outlines. I do have a sort of vague idea when I start out, and I usually rant about it/run it by @carryonmylovelies before I actually write it. The middle is usually the most vague and I figure that out as I go then edit it later. It can take longer but if I write it out of order I rarely finish it.

Do you take prompts: I used to do a lot of prompts! Early followers might remember me doing an insane number of requests over the summer. The majority of my fics are from requests. However, as my health has declined, I’ve had to stop taking any prompts and sadly give up on the ones I had left. TL;DR I had two nervous breakdowns in less than a year and went on psychiatric meds. (Been on them for over a year now, I’m okay, dw.) Good part: I’m not in a constant state of crippling anxiety anymore! Bad part: I don’t have the insane energy I used to. Add that to my chronic migraines getting worse, and I can’t think of ideas or churn out fics as quickly as before, which makes prompts too stressful. Now I just do what I want when I can, which means my stuff isn’t as popular anymore as I don’t post very often. It’s a bit of ego stomp lol but imo it’s better for my health to take things slow. Huge apology to all the people whose prompts I never did btw, I’m really really sorry! Unfortunately my shitty body will not cooperate anymore. I hope you’ll still want to read anything else I put out in the future!

Complete: All my Carry On fics are complete. I write the entire thing in advance because I’m a perfectionist when it comes to continuity and plot. Spelling, grammar, and punctuation tho? Not so much lol

In progress: Rn I’m seriously working on an AU based on the old crime drama show “Medium.” Essentially you’ve got Simon, a slightly short fused psychic who ends up having to deal with problems, both from the living and the dead. And you’ve got Baz, his intelligent, fascinated, supportive but more practical normal bf who sometimes helps with psychic shit. Hijinks ensue!

Idk who to tag but here are the people I can think of off the top of my head!

@carryonmylovelies @the-lincyclopedia @annabellelux @vkelleyart @basic-banshee (sorry sorry my brain is fried I can’t think of anyone else! if you wanna do it, then do it!)

[sl-walker]

Maybe you’ve done this before, but can you speak to how you came up with all the Blackbirds’ personalities and/or goals? Like what inspired them and such. I think we know the story behind a few, like Raze, but I’m curious about all of them!

Oh gosh.  I probably have in pieces, but I’m totally down with answering it. XD  Thank you for asking it, too!  This’ll get long-ish, so under the cut it goes.  But the easy answer is that all of them actually evolved very organically; aside a few notes, I didn’t really plan any of them.  They just kind of happened in the best way.  But for more detail, read on.

Shiv I stole from a short comic where he was actually fridged at the end on Orto Plutonia.  His habit of writing to his dead brother charmed me and broke my heart, and his own end was just a big ole nope.  Maul needed a sergeant, I wanted Shiv, so I grabbed him.  Even in the short span we saw him in quasi canon, he displayed a dry sense of humor and a quick wit (and some skill at words), so I just built on that limited framework.  He would have had to have been highly trained to be an advanced scout like that, he would have had to have been level headed, and beyond that, he really just grew into his own person organically.  Him wrestling with losing his twin, him having to process that while coping with the burden of leadership, with a new squad on one side and a green CO on the other, all of that just kind of happened as the story went on.

Tally's definitely been my answer to the habit of people writing mean, snarky medics.  I wanted one who was kind to the people in his care, who believed in consent and autonomy.  Beyond the fact that the squad was built around Maul -- who would need someone like Tally if he was ever going to learn how to be a person -- it’s just enjoyable to defy the trope.  Originally, he was going to be older, more along Husk’s relative age, but it was clear right off that he wasn’t.  Of all of them, I think I most end up projecting my ‘politics’ onto him; his open cynicism, his belief in solidarity, his subversiveness and distrust of the establishment.  But Tally, no joke, grabs the reins every single time I write his narrative.  All of the Blackbirds feel really real when I write them, but he’s the one who often surprises me.  I don’t so much think I came up with him as that he ended up with some part of me and then went on to totally do his own damn thing.  And if that sounds crazy, I’d love to see someone else try writing him organically and find a different result.  LOL!  He’s just a really strong personality.

Smarty is a total geek, except not.  Because unlike the stereotypical geek portrayal of like, the 1980s, he had no trouble getting laid.  He wears graffiti on his battlefield armor. He’s skinnier and softer looking than most of the others, but he’s also kinda fearless and badass.  He’s apt to go on and on, but he’s also sharp as hell.  I loved the idea of a clone who self-studied everything because 1.) he was intensely bored on Kamino, and 2.) because he has a genuine, enthusiastic passion for learning.  Like-- honestly, most of the Blackbirds are subversive not just in narrative, but also outside of it, because defying tropes is a lot of fun, narratively.

Castle’s personality is partly because I love engineers.  Scotty from Star Trek is my hero, has been my whole life, and Castle is kind of a sideways homage to him.  His skill and talent at building or repairing things, his steadfastness, but also his occasional struggles understanding what’s going on with people internally speaking.  Scotty’s his own thing entirely -- don’t even get me started there, the Arc of the Wolf can be googled -- but Castle shares some traits with him.  Castle is also a bit more like the clones we see portrayed in canon, which makes him an interesting perspective in this group of odds, ends and eccentricities.

Husk also serves that; of all of them, he is in the mold of Rex and Cody.  I wanted someone who was older and had been around for damn ever, who got the full load of indoctrination, both Mando and Kaminoan, and who would offer a more ‘traditional soldier’ perspective on things.  One thing is absolutely sure, though, is that I never, ever wrote Husker to be villainized because of that.  His view of things -- though it’s evolving now thanks to experience and kinship -- has always been just as legitimate a take as the other Blackbirds and I never wanted him to be portrayed in a bad light because of it.  I also wanted him to be 501st originally because that would be an interesting bridge between Skywalker and the Blackbirds, and an interesting conflict Husk would have to work through.  His personality kinda grew around all that; his fierce love and loyalty to his brothers, his unique place trying to balance who he was raised to be while being surrounded by the other, more subversive Blackbirds.  (He was named in homage to Bill Adama in BSG, too.)

Your boy Misty is kind of the most normal of everyone, honestly.  He’s the one who’s managed to not be traumatized by war, or by their upbringing, or by anything else.  He’s actually incredibly resilient in that regard.  It’s not that he doesn’t feel things deeply, but he seems to have kept from letting those get hooks into his brain, and that’s no small feat in their galaxy.  His genuine love of the water was the first thing I knew about him, and it’s remained kind of a constant in how his personality develops.  His ability to be a fair leader when put to it, but not enjoying the role, for example; his absolute confidence when he is in charge of something like a water rescue.  I’m really looking forward to doing more with him in Year Two and highlighting just how good a specialist he is in that, as well.

Brody was always going to be a slicer, but like the others, his personality just happened over time.  I knew he’d be a bit cynical because he already has more exposure to the wider galaxy than the others, but I didn’t anticipate a lot of the nuances.  Like his idealism finally getting stoked by Radio Anarchy.  That was a lot of fun to see, and brought home that he, too, is a young guy and not immune to hope.  The Llanic arc was a big one for Brody, not only in terms of development, but in terms of his entire life after this.  His mischief at the Viable ad was also a Moment(tm), but if you asked me what his actual defining arc would be, it’d be Llanic, and it happened kinda on its own.

Raze, as I’ve said, ended up being homage to my son; the ADHD, also the introduction of meds and how those made his life easier, also his cuddly nature and kindness and generosity.  His artistic lean, however, is in homage to my oldest kid.  I knew he’d be kind of distractable, never on time to meetings, hyper competent in his field, always down for a hair-pet and someone to snuggle up to, and oddly enough, Raze is the one who doesn’t surprise me often.  LOL!  I guess because I live with his inspiration.  His being ace just-- was.  I didn’t intend it, but it happened; when I was writing the camping fluff back in the day and Tango was lamenting, Raze was just like, “Nah, not interested.’  He’s just a wonderful, positive presence, and while he’s having an awful time with survivor guilt right now, he’s still wonderful.  And I honestly don’t know of anyone who doesn’t love him.

Tango ended up being one of the most complex of the Blackbirds!  Like, there is part of him that is definitely me -- “HDU write about this person I love inaccurately, I’ll just have to do it better than you!!!” -- but most of him is actually not.  Like-- his actually-pretty-inaccurate crush on Maul. LOL!  He loves the idea of being in a relationship with Maul, but doesn’t quite grasp what that would entail realistically?  The crush and literally everything else about Tango happened in the course of the story.  I knew early about his fanfic leanings, but not how he would get there; I knew about his superstitious streak, but not that he would end up slowly losing it piece by piece in favor of something he can control, namely his writing.  His feelings about Rabbit and what happened to Rabbit are more added layers to his complexity.  And while Raze is the teras kasi protege, it’s actually Tango who’s probably a bit more Force sensitive than the norm.  Nothing to Jedi levels, but there’s something there.  His future’s going to be an interesting one.  (And Etah and Adao will be a running thread through the whole series.)

Rabbit was always going to be Rabbit.  I knew his name and Rancor’s before I even wrote the first chapter.  And I knew he wasn’t going to see the end of Year One.  I knew that he and his twin were both brand spanking new, and would therefore have to develop on their own, over time, and they did.  I had no real personality traits in mind for either, beyond their desperate attachment (and in fairness, co-dependency) with one another.  So, he happened.  And I wanted him to be a person, even knowing his fate.  I didn’t want him to be cannon fodder.  I didn’t want the audience to suspect what would eventually happen.  And when the time came, it was absolutely, critically important that when I wrote his end, I was sobbing on my keyboard.  I had to love him, and to do that, I had to write him well.  (And I cried so hard I could barely type, then I cried for hours after, too.)

Rancor is the least developed, but that was by design?  I still don’t know him as well as the others.  I know he’s Rabbit’s twin and some things about him now, as an individual, but Rancor himself has always been defined by his proximity to his twin.  He’s never thought for a second to step out into his own so far as to lose sight of Rabbit, and so he hasn’t.  We get hints of it -- his vote on Bravo-984, his punching a clone in the teeth at the climax of that training mission, his possessiveness and anxiety, his basic quiet competence when put to it -- but it’s only really going to be over time that he gets to figure out who he is.  He’s always going to be Rabbit’s twin, but now he has no real choice about becoming his own person, and we’ll see how that goes.

Thank you again for the ask!  I hope these answers work.

[toothyblowjob]

hi! i’m anon from mamoru (asking here cus asks aren’t on on ur sims blog) i’m really interested in your thoughts about incorporating disabilities into the sims, i’m trying to develop my own sims game cus fuck ea lol, and i’d really like to be as incorporating of disability as possible. thanks!

damn, my asks weren’t on? that sucks. i think i fixed it now, but i swear i already had them on...

anyway!!!

i’m looking at this more from a perspective of “how to make the sims 4 better” than like “how to make my own video game” and i don’t know much about coding or game development so idk how helpful some of this will be but hopefully some will?? infodump incoming!!! sorry if it’s not that coherent. i’ve bolded some keywords in case you want to only read sections pertaining to certain disabilities.

starting with canes, bc i use one and i wish my simself did: sims 3 had canes, but for some reason they were coded weird so only elders could use them (iirc modders weren’t even able to fix it?? wtf ea). plus ts4 has custom walkstyles, and your sim can hold things like umbrellas while walking, so it’s almost definitely possible to add canes and crutches.

adding walkers would probably be a very similar process, tho i can imagine there might be some issues w clipping? not that ea has ever given a single fuck about that lmao

i’m a little bit less sure how wheelchairs would work, but the best reference i can think of is the strollers from ts3, or maaaybe some of the smaller vehicles. i have a vague memory of like a bike or a hoverpad or something that you could ride everywhere and not just on the road, but idk. the main issue i can see is that certain animations and interactions would need to be a lot more flexible--eg, sims would need to be able to do things like cook or paint or give hugs while sitting down. i can also see it being a little tricky to animate “transfers” from like, a wheelchair to a desk chair or w/e. honestly i think this would be easier to implement in sims 4 than it would have been in sims 3, because ts4 at least allows you to multitask some things. idk, it would probably be on the harder side, but holy shit it would be so worth it.

and then for some reason when i think about wheelchair users in the sims i start to wonder how feasible it would be to include little people (i hope that’s the right term?). simmers have been wanting height sliders since at least ts3, but any time a modder tries to add one the animations start getting kinda wonky, and i don’t think anyone’s really considered a height slider that goes low enough to make sims with dwarfism. i KNOW there are non-sim games out there that use height sliders, but idk how tf they do it without giving everyone telekinesis.

there was a mod in sims 3 that added sliders for amputated limbs, but it was a purely cosmetic thing, so like, sims would still walk like they had two legs or write with their “missing” hand or w/e. ideally i’d love to see a way to give sims limb differences that actually affected how they went about their lives + gave them the option to use prosthetics. i found a set of running blades in the “shoe” category for sims 4, but like... if you give them to a sim they’ll still magically grow legs in the shower lol.

deafness i think ties into my desire for sims to be able to speak multiple languages. not all deaf people use sign language, of course, but it would be great if sims had the option. i guess languages would function like any other skills, and if two sims don’t have any languages in common, they won’t be able to communicate beyond very basic things. maybe if you wanted a deaf sim to be able to speak, you could hire a speech therapist, or purchase some sort of object for them to practice with. also, dyou remember the earbuds in ts3 that made it so like, you’d only hear the music when you selected the sim using earbuds? i think you could probably make it so that when a deaf sim is active the game volume is either much lower or completely off. then for things like hearing aids, you could equip them and the volume would get a little bit higher.

blindness could use a similar mechanic, but instead of everything being silent, everything would be very dark and low-contrast. maybe objects that were making noise or places your sim had been before would have more detail. blind sims could also use navigation canes that would like... light up the area immediately in front of them.

invisible disabilities, allergies, and neuropsychiatric conditions would probably be a bit easier to add. sims 4 has a “quirk” system for celebrities where certain actions can trigger your famous sims to develop new traits. 

i think the best example of how you could use this to make, for example, mental illnesses is the “emotion bomb” quirk. famous sims develop it after experiencing intense anger or sadness, and it basically makes them experience that emotion much more intensely. that’s already a symptom of a mental illness called bpd! so what if something like repeatedly being mean to a child sim had a 0.1% chance of causing them to develop bpd? or if having a powerful sad or tense moodlet had a 0.1% chance of causing them to develop depression? 

(side note: i can really easily picture something similar to the “dark form” for ts4 vampires being used for dissociative identity disorder. genetics would be consistent across all personality states, but they could have different traits and voices and clothing,)

certain conditions could also be present at birth, like autism or adhd. i actually have custom traits for these; they’re not perfect, but if you want to google them they might be a good reference. one little thing that i think would be neat is if autistic sims had idle “stimming” animations, like flapping their hands or spinning in a circle. the biggest problem, though, is that autism and adhd are highly variable and i’m not sure how to make it so that not all autistic sims have the same behaviors.

allergies i guess would have to have some sort of severity scale, and be triggered by a sim eating a certain food or petting a certain animal. i’d want the likelihood of a sim developing a particular allergy to be pretty low, but that’s just me lol. maybe sims with allergies could keep meds on hand to deal with the worst of their attacks?

actually, the allergies thing reminds me--diabetic sims! depending on which type, a sim could either be born with it or contract it later in life. i’m not totally familiar with how insulin works, but a sim could have a pump equipped to mitigate their symptoms, or take regular injections.

i have a custom trait in my game for chronically ill sims, which basically makes their energy deplete faster and sometimes gives them moodlets with little blurbs about their illness. this seems like a pretty good system for chronic illnesses, but obv it would vary a lot by which illness your sim has--eg, would you actually animate a sim with ehlers-dahnlos popping a joint out of their socket, or would you just give them an uncomfortable moodlet? in particular, though, i think the mechanic that makes elder sims unable to do most exercise would be great for sims with dysautonomia. 

also, i’ve mentioned some assistive devices already, but i think figuring out how treatment works would be a big deal. do sims have single-payer healthcare, or do they have to pay for everything themselves? can sims crowdfund their medicine? what kind of treatments/cures are available? are their side effects? some conditions don’t have cures irl, but maybe a sim can pay like $30k to a witch to make their fibromyalgia go away!

this is almost definitely more info than you wanted and i’m kinda embarrassed i wrote this much, but uh... here you go, a mostly stream-of-consciousness essay on disabilities in the sims! god i hope it’s readable

[3languagesin3years]

As usual, it's been a while. Whoops. Between covid and life as usual it's been difficult for everyone, and this blog is mostly for my own purposes anyways so I'm not too worried about it.

Anyhow, I've taken all the Japanese courses available at my local community college, so until I figure out how to take the next class up somewhere else, I'm just trying to retain what I've learned and maybe add a little at a time. The lack of formal classes makes it a bit hard though.

One of my ideas to cement things in my brain is to basically create some teaching and practice material from my textbooks and notes. One of the things I want to do is to make some vocab packs for Anki, or maybe chapter packs that have the vocab, grammar, as well as kanji, for each chapter. Someone has already uploaded a spreadsheet file with all the vocab from textbook 1 onto reddit, but there's a few mistakes, as well as things I want to add (like pronunciation mp3s from Forvo).

The other thing I wanted to do is to make a resource directory with links to all the useful pages I've found to go along with each chapter. One of the big parts of this particular project is the addition of links to specific episodes of a Japanese language podcast that I've found helpful. (I think I've mentioned Nihongo con Teppei before: beginner website, mid level, YouTube, you can also find it on Spotify and Google podcast I think). That podcast focuses most on natural speaking for listening practice, so the vocab and grammar is a mix and will be applicable for multiple chapters. Thats actually a good thing tho, since listening to it multiple times and getting familiar with it is great practice.

Now with me actually parsing it out.... Well, I'm kinda hoping someone has made a transcript for a lot of the episodes, since that'll make it a lot faster for me,,, but if I can't find anything I'll just have to go through and carefully listen to them one by one. Which will probably be better practice for me in the long run, lol. I'm finally on ADHD meds again, and I actually kinda enjoy tedious jobs like this, so I'm hoping to actually get somewhere this time...

As for languages other than Japanese, there's a little hiccup, but also perhaps a solution. Due to class sizes and Prof schedules, it seems like Class 1 for both Korean and Chinese are only in the fall. So, I missed that. I had been hoping to take Chinese in the spring, but it looks like I'm going to have to wait until next fall. Now, Korean, on the other hand, I'm at least a bit familiar with (due to teaching myself a little while in high school), and it turns out that the textbook/workbooks used for Classes 1&2 are different, and not expensive (compared to Yookoso)... So. I ordered the books for the first class and am going to try to go through them on my own and test out of Class 1 so that I can sign up for Class 2 in the spring. Unfortunately, it's a bit of a gamble with the timing. Turns out that you can only test out of a class during certain periods of time, and it's closed until the first week of next semester. So I have to make an appointment for like, the first day of the semester for the test, and then hope that there's still a seat open in one of the class 2s for the semester. So I have about 2 months to study for that. I'm more worried about being able to get into the class than the actual test tho, haha. I do know the professor, tho! I had her for one of the Japanese classes. IDK if she remembers me, but it'll be easier on my part at least since I'll be more comfortable. I'm just worried about accidentally calling her 先生 instead of 선생님,,, agdkwjwk

Really looking forward to taking up language learning seriously again, though. It's been a while. Weirdly enough, I'm especially looking forward to comparing Korean and Japanese grammar. Grammar has always been my least favorite part of language learning, since English is so backwards compared to a lot of other languages it's hard to make my brain put things in a different order :/

[calenos]

im so tired im so tired im so tired

nothing bad happened i’m just busy and exhausted

socializing frequently after months of basically no socializing is Very Stressful

my GPA last semester ended up being 2.4 (HYPERYIKES), a full 1.1 points lower than my previous low in college. but i kept my scholarship and only failed one lecture that’ll be cheap to retake so it’s not the end of the world. honestly, was expecting this to be lower. so this is good news at least.

on that note i need to pick a class to drop and replace with the failed class. im dipping into senior electives as a junior because of 1. weird transfer credit amounts coming into the school and 2. dropped classes that are only offered once/year. so now i’m looking at taking storyboarding (VERY WORK INTENSIVE) alongside senior port 1 (art student thesis). blech!!! might talk to the head of our dept about this/skipping storyboarding for another vis dev or illustration related class since it’s... really far out of my interests, especially after taking half the class lol

my grandpa keeps mentioning his failing health and i feel more obligated to spend more time with him every time im visiting home which like, i get, but it’s already a decent chunk of time wtih him. idfk

i’m researching apartments/condos to move into with boyfriend and helping him with other random stuff. this is actually exciting but also obviously requires a lot of research and talking through our requirements. also i’ll probably move further away from the school to a more affordable area (got lucky price wise with where i live now). so the increased commute will hurt time management and gas wise. but otherwise a massive QoL increase

trying to figure out a concrete plan on keeping social media updated with art, keep consistent branding, figure out how to fix my website, and prep for the spring art market

normal downtime of video games is less of an option with boyfriend visiting + 1 semi-capable laptop that doesn’t run our favorite game (OW). other downtime... is sleep. we can do naps at least and be cozy and relaxed. watched a nature documentary and a whole lot of bon appetit yesterday and that was awesome too. but sometimes a bitch just wants to clap kids in OW or Halo

wanted to get board games in with my family and d&d in with friends before my boyfriend leaves town which just sounds tiring

and then i’m tentatively planning to drive to him a few days after i fly back to CA so we can view places for the move that will be.. mid semester. not sure on this one. we do need to view places, and i’ll have about a week and a half of extra time once i’m back. but it’d be really nice to get some alone time in once i’m back, clean up/reorganize my room and the shared fridge, and have a lot of drawing/game time. (i miss my PC lmao). if i go on a trip to visit, that means paying a lot in gas (he would at least go halvsies on it but i’ve spent a lot of money with friends over break ugh), spending that time, and having less time to do all the stuff i said before + get supplies for this semester. meh. hoping to talk him into bare minimum apartment/condo visit time + 1 day to relax together + maybe 1 day to help him with his stuff too?

oh and i need to schedule a visit with a psychiatrist in CA alongside a visit to the disabilities coordinator at my school and work out a plan to help deal with the anxiety/adhd because it’s been eating away at my grades slowly and i genuinely think i could pull all A’s and B’s with proper treatment and not getting docked 10-20% of my grades for missing an occasional class due to panic attacks. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ hell i could probably manage A’s & B’s with 18 credits if i talk to her and keep on these meds (i just want to up the dose slightly im technically taking a childs dose so it’s not always as effective)

and my fafsa didn’t go through correctly again even though i turned in my signed and corrected award letter months in advance. so i gotta talk to financial aid. again. wew lad.

at least the last 2 are easy. im mostly worried about long term stuff: graduating on time, building up some sort of presence for the business side of my art, and navigating a successful long-term relationship. i won’t force the last part if it doesn’t work but, of course, but i believe it will and want to put in the effort & make an actual commitment there. short term, the extra socializing IS tiring, but it’ll only last for another week. rereading this is actually kind of encouraging at least, lots of stuff to do but it should pay off!

this ended up being kind of a to-do list because i haven’t bought a planner and calendars for 2020 yet lmao rip