#hope this works !! fighting f my existence trying to figure out what this dude's about some days

[spellwound]

@estarion

"Wine is always disgusting. Do you want some liquor? Or just... anything but whatever you're putting in your mouth?"

[smokeybrand]

Breaking the Rules

So the Snyder Cut finally dropped. Four hours of Snyderisms like slow-mo, dumb kinetic camera work, and relentless edge. Now, I'm a card-carrying Marvel shill. Been real transparent about it for years. Marvel is my sh*t and Spider-Man is my favorite superhero. That said, i do like DC. I always give them a fair shake. Hell, my favorite capeflick is The Dark Knight. I even like Watchmen and that was a slog to get through. I’ve seen every film in the DCEU and they have left me wanting. A lot of DC heads write off my opinion because of my Marvel bias but let’s be serious; The DCEU is inferior to the MCU in almost every way. As it is, the DCEU needs to be better. It needs better storytellers. It needs a better plan. It needs a Feige. Snyder is not that dude and i don’t think Wan is either. I think WB and ATT have to figure out a way to coalesce this sh*t because it’s all wonky, especially now that we have this Snyder Cut. I’ve already reviewed a Justice League before so all of the observations i made about performances in that, stand. This is more what i think this version does better and worse.

The Better

This opening is much better and makes more sense. That Super Death Wail as the principal genesis of Steppenwolf’s conflict, the thing that wakes that first Motherbox, makes way more sense that whatever the f*ck Whedon did.

This thing definitely looks so much more gorgeous that that first run. Zack Snyder can’t plot a story to save his life but this motherf*cker can compose a shot, for real. Snyder is an idea man, a cat that just wants to make cool looking sh*t, but this ain’t the medium for that. You can have all the beautiful shots in the world but if they are tied together by a shoestring of a narrative, then it’s just polished sh*t, you know?

The extended Aquaman intro was outstanding. Whedon didn’t let this scene breath and, seeing it as it was intended, that was a mistake. Seeing this version of Justice League kind of makes Josstice League in it’s entirety, a mistake. It’s weird that this was cut because it’s so good and shows so much more of Arthur.

Jeremy Iron’s Alfred continues to be my second favorite Alfred after Michael Caine. Sorry, Michael Gough...

Wonder Woman’s first scene in this, the one with the terrorists, is ridiculous. This one scene is a perfect example of the difference between the two versions of this film. Snyder’s is better, if way more brutal than it needed to be. Still, i love the warrior version of Diana so I'm good with this.

Speaking of Amazons, Snyder, apparently, put them in more clothes this time around? I couldn’t really see for sure because of the color correction but it didn’t seem like they weren’t rocking those iron bikinis like in the Whedon cut. I think Joss Whedon might be a bit more problematic than we think. Between the half naked chicks, the way he kept sexualizing Diana, the fact that there are no people of color in his version or the way he shortchanged the entirety of Cyborg’s plot... Breh.

Steppenwolf is SO much more menacing in this version of the movie. Dude feels like a force, like a proper threat an not just some stop-gap for something better. Ol’ Wolfie was a decent antagonist for an initial run at an Avengers-esque team up for the DCEU. Definitely more Loki this time around and less Ultron like the first time.

Also, the Parademons look much more dope. The first time, they looked like fodder. This time, they actual felt like a force, like a horde.

Hey, we got an Atom sighting!

Not a ton of Iris West but enough to wet my appetite. Anytime i get to see Kiersey Clemons in stuff, I'm happy. Having it tied to an outstanding sequence demonstrating Flash’s powers was just icing on the cake. Seriously, Snyder did a great job visualizing Barry’s abilities. That scene where he saved everyone from the debris and then the subtle reversing of time; All of it was dope to see.

Are those Starros that Steppenwolf is using to “interrogate” the cats with Motherbox stink on them? They look like little mechanical Starros. I hope they’re Starros.

Lots of Cyborg stuff. Like, intricate Cyborg stuff. The sh*t Whedon cut of Vic was instrumental to the coherency of this story and dude was just like, “Nah.” It’s no wonder that version of the movie doesn’t make any f*cking sense.

Hey, we got a Spectre sighting! Nice.

The explanation for the Motherboxes and their mcguffin-ness goes a long way to soothing the whole “resurrecting Superman” thing. Snyder basically tells the audience they’re magic boxes that can do anything because of magic-technology. It’s a little ridiculous considering what Motherboxes actually do in the comics but whatever. It makes sense in this universe i guess.

All of the action scenes are better. All of them. Snyder is nothing if not a cat that can actualize a dope punch-out. Dude can’t get out of his own way when telling a story but if you need a fight scene, Snyder is definitely your guy.

Speaking of, that climax was WAY better. It carried far more weight and there were times when the heroes felt like they could lose. There’s an unrelenting tension that grips you hard and doesn’t let up until it finally does. I appreciated this way more than the first one, even if it’s dumb edgy for no reason.

The Worst

Zack still doesn’t understand these characters, man. It’s very apparent to me that a lot of this is just window dressing for kind of a Zack Snyder fan fic version of DC and that’s fine i guess? Sh*t’s not my cup of tea but a great many people seem to like it. Dude’s writing can definitely be tighter and he can skew a little more toward the heart of these characters but i mean, it’s called Zack Snyder’s Justice league for a reason.

The Snyderisms, man, they are all over this thing. Look, i just don’t like how Zack makes movies. Too much style, not enough substance, or rather, not enough focus. He has a ton of great ideas but gets too bogged down in how sh*t looks, or tumbles down his rabbit hole of concept but never expresses any of them clearly enough. Outside of 300 or Dawn of the Dead, this film is probably the most focused I've ever seen Snyder and it’s still kind of all over the place yet, never where it needs to be.

So many plot holes, man. Less than before, but so many threads left untied.

This thing didn’t need to be four hours long. Not even close. There were several shots that i thought could have been cut. Like, that three hour version which got the standing ovation was probably the best version of Justice League and we’ll never see it. This version is definitely better than the theatrical run but f*ck is it long. You really feel that sh*t, too.

Cyborg still looks gross to look at. You’d think they’d try and make his weird, angular, body look a bit better upon the redo but nope. This what we get i guess.

Also, why the f*ck the Atlanteans sound British? Why they make Amber Heard do that accent? She can’t do that accent, man. You’re actually asking a chick who’s professionally pretty to act and she can’t act. She’s just pretty. That actually brings up an interesting question; Is Aquaman canon to this universe because Mera in that doesn’t have an accent and her Pops is still alive. This one has an accent and her parents are dead. Or maybe the accent makes it easier to recast Heard later with a British actress? Maybe the Mother of Dragons really is about to be the Queen of the Seas?

Why is this Knightmare sequence in here? Sure, it was awesome to see, pure fan service, but this is the blue balls of blue balls because we don’t have a movie to follow this one. This is it. This is all the Justice League we’re getting. There is no part two or whatever. Why even hint at something more?

The Verdict

There’s a lot to like about this version of Justice League. It is, hands down, better than Josstice League in almost every way. Sh*t is a better film, man, and should have been what we got to begin with. WB did Snyder a disservice by letting him go and then letting Whedon butcher his movie. I don’t like Snyder’s take on DC. I think it’s try-hard, edgelord, nonsense but it is it’s own thing and i commend him for that. Dude has a vision and I'll never take away from from a creative’s inspiration. That said, this thing was a slog to get through. It’s definitely better than what we got before but it’s still not that great and it’s way too long. Three hours is more than enough to tell this story if you make prudent cuts. Still, I’m glad it exists and, if you’re a fan of this world, a fan of Snyder’s work, you’ll love it. For me, as a cat who has no skin in this game, I'm not all that impressed. Per usual, Snyder has too many ideas and that leaves the plot unfocused and meandering at times. In a genre that is predicated on storytelling, you can’t be a bad storyteller like that and just gloss over it with spectacle. That’s disingenuous. At the end of the day, it was entertaining. It was pretty to see. It was a Snyder film.

[hitchell-mope]

(Third film. After “I’ve gotta be me”. Uma looks around nervously)

Uma: I really hope nobody in there heard that

Ben: nah, don’t worry, I shielded and soundproofed is from them

Uma: surprisingly thoughtful, uhhhh, aheh, at this point I usually call you derogatorily by your last name

Ben: Le Roi. Well legally it’s Bach. But officially it’s Le Roi

Uma: Benjamin. Florian. Le Roi. Do you have any idea how fucking ridiculous that sounds?

Ben: and your last name would be

Uma: Facillier. She doesn’t have a last name

Ben: ah.

Uma: oh. Oh my.

Ben: what’s up? Oh. Yeah he does that.

Uma: s’clever.

Ben: that’s Doug for you

Uma: why am I interested by that

Ben: we’re eighteen. And therefore weak to his power.

(They’re watching Doug eat a bowl of peanuts with just his tongue. Ben snaps out of the stupor first)

Ben: moving swiftly onwards. Hit me

Uma: heh?

Ben: hit me, sock me one, deck me, gimme a knuckle sandwich. Any variations the phrase retains the same meaning. Punch me in the face.

Uma: why?

Ben: I’ve got a theory I wanna test out.

Uma: but aren’t you...

Ben: ...more powerful then you? Yes. So make sure to give it you’re all then. C’mon, cahmon. C’mon, cahmon. HitmehitmehitmehitmehitmeWOOOO

(Uma slogs him around the face do hard he flips horizontally in midair and lands flat on his back right next to where the gazebo was. A full three feet away)

Uma: Z’that what you wanted?

Ben (utterly jubilant): as a matter of fact. Yes

Uma: so now what? Gonna Tell the missus?

Ben: nope. I’m gonna offer you a job.

Uma: ahahah that’s funny. I thought you said you were offering me a job?

Ben: I figure. If you put that much effort punching me. You’ll put the same effort into protecting me.

Uma: n-no, no, you’re not supposed to do that. You’re supposed to hate me. I had you kidnapped. I almost had you thrown to sharks. I hypnotised you. I almost capsized your stinking yacht. And you wanna give me the job of protecting you? Who the fuck does that?!?! For all you know I could do that again?

Ben: now why would you do that when our interests align? Besides the fact that I forgive you. I want to get kids off the island. You want to get kids off the island. What better way to do that then by working together? And yeah. You could probably do that again. But I’m willing to take that chance.

Uma (as Ben’s saying all this, and devolving into tears): no, no, shut up I your forgiveness that’s not how it’s supposed to go you’re supposed to hate just like I hate her will you SHUT UP

Ben: ooh. (Through a Cheshire Cat grin) Finally

(She’s skewered Ben in the stomach with her sword. He smiles, bends the blade in half, pulls it out of him and throws it upwards. He leaps up ten foot in the air and gives it a flying kick, shattering it into a chunky powder. He lands next to Uma, conjures an umbrella, pulls her close and lifts the umbrella over them just as the powder lands on their heads. In response she blasts him away with magic. What follows is a very violent, very acrobatic duel that trashes the garden, obliterates what’s left of the gazebo and Harry, gives Uma a broken arm, Ben a broken nose and leaves both of them missing a foot each. As a form of foreshadowing, throughout the entire fight the instrumental for “superhero” plays)

Uma: god I hope you’re happy

Ben: I am actually. Cause now I know I’m right

Uma: what?

Ben: we are both almost perfectly evenly matched. My twelve months of sheer power with your eighteen years of practice and look what we managed to do?

Uma: give your future sister in law a coronary?

Ben: fight to a stalemate. Please? For six months. You’ll get paid to yell at people and beat them up if necessary

Uma:...no

(This is when “superhero” happens. After the song Ben starts fixing the garden)

Uma: ok then. Let’s say I did take the job? Wouldn’t one of your own be more trustworthy?

Ben: Jane’s still in school. Lonnie’s going off to college with Gil next year and she was only filling in for the summer anyway. And Doug’s my major-domo. So can’t choose them even if I wanted to.

Uma: and the other three?

Ben: conflict of interest. Carlos is legally my son and he’s also still in school. Mals my fiancé and Evie’s her sister. So again. No go.

Uma: couldn’t you...

Ben: duplicate myself and have him as my bodyguard? I could. But then I’d be breaking my promise to my mother

Uma: huh?

Ben: she was ok with me having magic so long as I legitimately practiced it, didn’t use it for schoolwork, didn’t use it for paperwork, didn’t use it for personal gain, and it didn’t give my subjects cause to worry. For a year at least

Uma: personal gains the best part of magic though

Ben: last time a king used the power he’d been afforded for personal gain...well. You grew up in the result so telling you wouldn’t achieve anything

Uma: oh. But...

Ben: I could use my magic to quicken the relocation? Like I said. Paperwork, personal gain, worrying the subjects. It’s definitely something that needs to happen. But I’m not taking shortcuts because it needs to be done properly and through the correct channels.

Uma: well that’s bullshit. Wait. What was all that fighting singy thing for then?

Ben: loophole

Uma (snickering): oh beasty boy you are perfect

Ben: why thank you kindly captain

Uma (flatly): Don’t push it

Ben: ok, ok

Uma: I’m serious though. The best part about magic is that you can do anything you want

(This is when “everything is not what it seems” happens. After the song they go back into the house to find it in chaos. Doug has Cj in a full Nelson with her head near the lit stove. Elsa’s downing an entire bottle of sambuca. Evie’s preventing Harriet and Hades from trying to patch up Harry. Mal has stuck Hadie to the sofa so he can’t help Harry. Jane’s drunkenly yelling about how much she loves her friends. Carlos is on Jay’s back, Celia and Dizzy are hanging off Jay’s arms and all four are chanting “kill her” at Doug. Lonnie’s eating a sloppy joe omelette and watching the events unfold intently. Gil is swirling round a smoothie. He notices them first)

Gil: oh you’re back. Finally. D’you wanna...?

Ben: yeah. Um...ooh. Yes that’s it. Uma. Take half of this sceptre and follow my lead

(He snaps his own, collapsible sceptre in half, hands one of those halves to Uma, jumps onto the kitchen island, helps Uma up and together they spin each half until they make a high pitched screeching sound that makes the chaos stop)

Ben: could all my friends please come over to my side

Uma: alright you useless fuckers, SIDDOWN!!!!

Ben: now, what happened

Uma: yeah ceej, what did you do?

Cj: why do you assume I did anything when it was clearly this heterosexual imbecile

Uma: cause I know you kid, since you were five in fact, so I know it was probably your doing

Ben: what happened Doug?

Doug: she insulted Evie and I in our own house, belittled our relationship and tried to stab me in the head with a rotisserie blade. And I f that wasn’t bad enough

Evie: she called me a traitor and slapped me around the face

Doug: and that is how the situation you walked in on transpired.

Cj: bald faced lies

Uma: eh I believe it. What about you beasty boy?

Ben: sounds airtight

Cj: I cannot and refuse to believe that

Uma: that I believe him over you? Well get used to kiddo. Ya just like Harry, no matter how much ya try to deny it

Ben: one question tbough. How are you a traitor

Mal: oooh yeah, you dunno do you? It’s ugly. Just like every Hook in existence

Evie: if everyone must know. When I was fourteen she flirted with me. And I turned her down

Cj: her mother braINWASHED HER

Everyone except for her siblings: shut up!

Evie: I turned her down. Because. A. I’m straight. And. B. Even if I wasn’t, I have higher standards then filthy pirates

Ben: were you rude?

Evie: pardon?

Ben: were you rude? Sometimes you can be a little bit rude.

Evie: if I remember correctly my exact words were “I’m very sorry but my gang sent me on a mission so I must go”

Ben: that was very polite

Evie: thank you. Plus. I even withheld the information from Grimhilde cause I know she wouldn’t take it well.

Cj: What has that got to do with anything?

Evie: Quinn Harts

(The room seems to grow colder as hades and the Vks, including the hooks, all look at each other uneasily)

Cj: oh. So it’s not because you’re

Evie: homophobic? God no. It was incompatible orientation pure and simple.

Cj (chuckling nervously now because the eggs on her face): but you see I thought

Doug: all straight people are jackasses? Quite a few are. But Evie and I aren’t. If we’re being wholly honest. Your sexuality is literally the only thing I respect about you. If you weren’t a pirate I might’ve even introduced you to my cousin Sadie. But you’re an asshole. So I won’t

Ben: good to hear that’s all cleared up

Evie: we are as well. Now. You three. Get the fuck out of my house. You stray bitches have been here too long. I’m sure there’s a nice posture ruining rock outside for you to sleep on

Harriet: we’re family

Hadie: actually. No. You and straw girl aren’t our family. Harry is. But not you.

Evie: nah. He can piss off too. I’m still waiting for a dna test. Until then. He can rot from the inside for all I care.

Mal: even when the test is confirmed he can still rot. (Uma scowls at her) What? It’ll be funny

Elsa: Jay. C’mere. Would it be completely out of the question for you to replicate your previous spell.

Jay: uhhhh....No. But I’d need a living conduit. Like a performer.

Hadie: I’ll do it. The party’s dying and that won’t do. What? I’m a disciple of Dionysus. Partying is literally my job description.

Elsa: as well as loose morals.

Hadie: harsh much?

Jay: she means you sleeping around with any dude that looks at you nicely. Ready

Hadie: fire away

Jay: To get rid of these ants in their pants/I command thee all to get up and dance. Again

(This is when “shut up and raise your glass” happens. After the song everyone but Hadie, Jayand Elsa looks very disgruntled)

Mal: seriously? Again? That’s like twice in one hour

Jay: had to be done. And it’s of my professional opinion that every time you guys get uppity I’m gonna help instigate an impromptu rave

Ben: well it worked. And it was funny. So two birds one stone. Now. I believe Doug and Evie asked you three to leave

Harriet: ya cannae do that man. Ya don’t have the authority

Doug: ok then. Get out of our house. NOW!

Harry: no I. I don’t think we will.

Celia: get out. Or I’ll throw you out.

Cj: you and what army?

Celia: this one

(Here is glow fuchsia and the wall is washed down in shadows)

Harriet: d’ya really think I’m scared of a little girl like you?

Ben: to hell with this. May I?

Doug: please

Ben: thank you. (He jumps off the kitchen island, lifts Harriet off the ground by her coat collar with one hand, morphs his face into that of a beast and screams in her face) GET OOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

(There’s a moment of deathly quiet. Harriet whimpers. There’s a sound like a leaky faucet. And Ben morphs back to his human face which now bears a look of disgust)

Ben: did you just...?

Harriet: it’s been a really stressful day with no let up

Ben: uh-huh. (He drops Harriet on the floor and turns to his brother) Gil, buddy, uh

Gil (stony faced): burn the shoes then burn them again then throw them out.

Ben: on it

(He poofs out. Celia turn to Doug and Evie)

Celia: my turn?

Evie: yup. But don’t break the glass

Celia: perfect (she grabs Harriet by the back of her coat) out ya go rummy. (She throws her towards the window making her dissipate into shadow before contact). I’ve wanted to do this for years (she slaps Harry around the face, he too turns into shadow) buh bye you fatuous egotist (she pulls Cj’s hair and the final pirate disappears into smoke) that felt good

Uma: where did you put them?

Celia: eh don’t worry. I put them in the nautilus. Now. Shall we crack on with the party?

Everyone but Uma: HEAR HEAR

(Mal inches over to Jane and Lonnie)

Mal: what do you say we get some air for a while

(They nod and two minutes later they’re all on the bench laughing their asses off about certain unsavoury topics)

Lonnie (crying due to laughter but still trying to speak): all I’m saying is going to my grans seventieth in my ROAR uniform is nothing compared to you and Ben and his you know what

Mal (in the same state as Lonnie): its still pretty damn funny though

Jane: my mother should be here

(The other two stop laughing)

Mal: I know hon

Jane: but if she were here she’d complain. “Leave room for Jesus”. “Time for the lobster quadrille”. “I know you can now but you shouldn’t drink when you have guests”. The only ones I wanted to invite are here. Plus the four stooges. And she didn’t even show up to the party she made me have!

Lonnie: oooh please can I call the squid a stooge M? Pretty please with merlot on top?

Mal: you shouldn’t really be calling her a squid or a stooge. But if you do. Ok not responsible for what happens to ya.

Lonnie: fine.

Mal: now Janey. What say you we try and get all these annoyances out huh?

Jane: errrr...I’m game if you are.

Mal: perfect. (She gets up, goes to the midpoint between the bench and the gazebo and magically constructs a model version of Verna) now. What do you wanna say to her?

Jane: I ha...I can’t. I can’t. I’m sorry.

Mal: it’s ok bud.

Lonnie: could uh could music help? Possibly?

Jane: it might. I dunno.

Mal: shall we try it?

Jane: yes. And uh. You can vent too, I mean, if you want.

Lonnie and Mal: well alright then

(Mal clicks her fingers, a copy of Maleficent and Fa Li appear and music starts up. This is when “you don’t own me happens”. After the song they look and feel better. That’s when they hear Evie scream a profanity and a slap rings out from the kitchen)

Mal (heaving a heavy sigh): and once again. Chaos reigns supreme.

Lonnie: I’ll stay with Jane. You go.

Mal: I’ll send Hadie out to keep you company

(She goes back inside just in time for Evie to stalk past her. Hades is on the floor with a slightly shocked expression, a handprint on his face and he’s apologising profusely to Doug)

Mal: you got it down here? (Doug nods). Good. I’ll go kick her head into gear.

(She heads upstairs. Doug turns to back to Hades)

Hades: I’m so sorry my boy, I was just trying to help, if I caused——

Doug: yeah, no, my opinion of you doesn’t matter. Only Evie’s does. I want to ask you a question.

Ben: uh. Doug. Can I eat what’s left in the freezer? Only I can smell somethings about to go out of date

Doug: yeah sure. There only meat products in it. Go crazy. But please please mute the chewing.

Ben (brightly): thank you!

Hades: what is it you want to know

Doug: Maleficent

(Up in the guest room. Evie enters in a huff and slams the door to show Mal hiding behind it)

Mal (sardonically imitating a British accent): hello Harold (Evie screams in surprise) we need to talk

Evie (fed up): what? What now? What could we possibly have to talk about?

Mal: what I thought you got over earlier toady

Evie (cackles hollowly): THAT? That! Was a fluke. And then he tried to “help” me by getting in my way

Mal: has it maybe occurred to you that he actually WAS trying to help?

Evie: if he really wanted to help then he wouldn’t have abandoned me with Grimhilde sixteen years ago

Mal: oh Christ. You know why he did that

Evie: I know why he did it but it still hurt though. He could’ve taken me with him. He could’ve taken us with him

Mal: they wouldve hunted us down and made him watch as they killed us. Or worse

Evie: that doesn’t make me feel any better

Mal (in what she hopes is a comforting voice): look on the bright side. You got me as a sister. That’s gotta count for something, right?

Evie: no, not really.

Mal: urrrrgh. Would me making a fool of myself help you feel less of a loser?

Evie:...mayhaps

Mal: fine. Remember back before graduation we got paired up for the senior class showcase because verna wouldn’t let you and Doug dirty dance?

Evie: yeah

Mal: Bea Arthur or Bette Midler?

Evie (chuckling slightly): surprise me

(Mal clicks her fingers, they’re transported to a music hall stage with an invisible audience and the song starts up. This is when “sisters” happens. After the song Evie looks briefly empowered. Then deflates and flops onto the bed face first. Mal chuckles at this)

Mal: uh. Sis. Your remember that apart from being the guest room, this is Lonnie and Gil’s room as well, right?

Evie (in a muffled tone of voice): what’s your point?

Mal: well besides both being very sweet they’re also a pair of incorrigible gym rats who always forget to clean up the bed before they leave for home. So it wouldn’t be entirely out of the realm of possibility that there’s still a certain amount of used up gym wear under the covers you’re currently laying on...

(Evie’s eyes snap open cartoonishly, she screams, jumps up from the bed, makes claw hands at Mal in an attempt to throttle her, flails at the window, then looks down at her clothes and screams again. Throughout all this Mal is calmly amused, silently watching her sister crisis. When she’s had enough she grabs Evie by the arm and hurls her into the en-suite. Evie re-emerges two seconds later in new clothes and a cloudy expression)

Mal: lemme guess. Doug make that sweater?.

Evie: of course. I can sew. Doug can knit.

Mal: mmkay. Now are you going to get over yourself and let go of this ridiculous grudge you have against our father?

Evie: you just don’t get it do you?

Mal: probably not so enlighten me

Evie: this isn’t something I’m gonna get over in a day. This isn’t mamma Mia. I found out who my father was in the middle of a crappy day with even more crappy events piled on it. The man I love was put in a coma. My daughter was missing for most of the day. Ive had to fight for my life at least twice. I’ve had no time to process any of this. And you’re expecting me to get over this massive family reveal instantaneously? No. Something like this will take a lot longer then a day to get over. He abandoned me. I understand why he did it. But it still hurts. And as much as you say that you’re not like me. You have to understand that I’m not like you either. I’m angry. I’m angry he could’ve been there for me and wasn’t. And that anger’s not gonna go away any time soon. Either accept that or get out of my face

Mal: ahhhh. Ok. Now I understand. Katara

Evie: what?

Mal: you’re acting like katara. She was mad that her dad went off to war because she was a kid who needed him but felt like she couldn’t be because the reason for him leaving was noble. Dad let us go to save our lives. So you feel pissed that he left us. But you also feel like you can’t be cause of the REASON he left. It’s ahh, it’s a dilemma for sure

Evie: that’s not a dilemma. A dilemma is deciding between chicken and fish at your wedding. This is an impasse

Mal: mhmm, mhmm, uh huh. You know what would help.

Evie: what?

Mal: talking to him. And I mean not just calling him a rat bastard abandoner. Actually talk to him.

Evie: it’s not that easy M. Not when you were raised by Grimhilde. Not when every time you try to talk something out your met with scorn.

Mal: ohhhh. So that’s where “when in doubt, don’t” came from.

Evie: yup.

Mal: you were the good child. The golden daughter. You never misbehaved and you never spoke up for yourself. And now it come back to use your posterior as an entree.

Evie: yup. So you understand why it’s difficult for me. I can’t. I just can’t. Not after how my upbringing went.

(This is when “here I am” happens. After the song Evie confronts Hades in the kitchen just as he’s finishing his talk with Doug)

Hade:...I’m sorry my boy that’s all I know. Hello dear

Evie: I’m mad at you. I’m always gonna be mad at you. But. I don’t hate you. If I’m being honest, to protect Dizzy, I would’ve done the same. But it’s going to take time for me to...accept you.

Hades: I understand

Hadie: per...perhaps it would help if she saw it. The uh...incident in question, pops, maybe she’d understand a bit more if she saw what happened?

Evie: what, what incident

Mal (who’s been listening in): when he made the decision to stop contacting us.

Hades: I’m going to need a wand. And...A hat.

(Mal takes the sceptre, shrinks it down so it resembles a wand, ignores Uma’s incensed expression and hands it to her father while Hadie hands him his top hat. Hades sticks the wand handle in his right ear up to the emitter, to the teenagers collective disgust, roots around for a minute, then pulls out what looks like ash grey smoke tinged with midnight blue and pours it all into the top hat)

Hades: there you go. Just put the hat on the floor and spin

Doug (taking the hat): thanks. I think.

Mal: that looks worse then the hair ball Dude coughed up at his birthday party last month

Doug: how can...

Mal: don’t ask

Doug: ready

Evie: I guess

(In devies room. They’re sitting in the footlocker at the bottom of they’re bed)

Doug: now remember. No ones pressuring you into anything. You can stop any time

Evie: you’re very sweet. But I need to do this.

Doug: well ok then

(He sets the hat on the floor and spins. It goes faster and faster until it’s a blur. Light fills the room and replaces it with an alleyway on the island. They see Hades in his John Barrowman guise arguing with Grimhilde. He obviously loses since he gets a horrified expression on his face and leaves as Grimhilde smirks. There’s no sign of Evie. In Hades’s lair)

Anastasia: it couldn’t have been that bad

Hades (now Sebastian Stan): they both said the same thing. Iris and Hestia will be imperilled if I remain in contact. I have no choice. Please Antoine. For me

Facilier (wearily): only if you’re sure

Hades: yes. It doesn’t matter about me. Do it. Now.

(In the foyer)

Doug: are you ok?

Evie: no. But I want to keep watching

Doug: as you wish

(Anastasia pours Hades a drink and Facillier gets started. This is when “losing your memory” happens)

[internaljiujitsu]

F*%! FEAR: 6 Steps To Becoming Fearless

I lived in fear for forty years. It felt like weakness — as if there was something wrong with me that made me more scared than everyone else. My mother would always tell me about how sickly I was when I was born. How I stayed at the hospital for a month afterwards and how my aunt just barely saved me from dying once (so I guess I was kind of on borrowed time). I hated eating as a kid and was really skinny, adding to my weak mystique. In school, what I now know was anxiety would create psychosomatic illnesses. I’d feel sick, but it was all in my head. Stomach aches, dizziness, shortness of breath  —  It frustrated my dad — especially when he’d have to come pick me up from school again because I was freaking out on the inside.

We grew up watching the crack epidemic take over our neighborhood. The drug dealers did their business out of the fourth floor of our building. My brother and I would sweep up crack vials on the weekends to get our allowance from the superintendent — our dad. The tiny plastic cylinders with colorful caps filled the dustpan as we swept the roach infested vestibule leading down to the spooky, filthy basement.

Several young immigrants that had just arrived from Mexico were found dead over the years in the building next door, where Dad was also the super. Death from unnatural causes was a very real thing where we lived. Around age eight or nine, my alcoholic uncle, who lived in a storage room in the aforementioned basement (and would sometimes walk me to school), was killed when he fell while trying to climb a building to get to his ex girlfriend. I was about ten when our close family friend’s son, a squeaky clean kid visiting from the marine corp, was murdered defending a girl in the playground. At eleven or twelve, I watched my best friend’s dad kill a guy in an argument over a prostitute.

When I was fourteen, I was mugged at gunpoint around the corner from my family’s apartment. My big brother, wielding a large, rusty machete, took me around the entire neighborhood that night looking for the robber. The dude had worn a mask, so my brother put the blade to every thug’s neck that we passed on the street and asked me to look him deep in the eyes. They all knew my brother and respected him. They pleaded for mercy. Thankfully, we never found the guy.

That kind of shit was common in my old neighborhood. Baseball bats were swung in search of skulls and group rumbles were still a thing. I had family members snorting coke in front of me by the time I was in the fourth grade (and immediately making me promise I’d never do the same). Forty ounce bottles of beer were smashed over people’s heads in street fights. My crackhead cousin once robbed a dude using my favorite toy gun. He confessed to me when I found the gun broken and complained to him about it. Bullets fired from roof tops for fun whizzed through the ganja heavy air. It feels like we fought every day at school. That big yellow bus was like the fucking octogan.

We finally moved out of that neighborhood when I was sixteen after a gunfight forced our entire family to jump behind a parked car for cover. That shit was stressful. I was jumpy as hell. It didn’t help that Mom and Dad were very old school disciplinarians, if you know what I mean. There were fights outside and fights inside — all the time. I was always scared.

And that’s how I continued to grow up — I just didn’t show it, or let it stop me from fighting. When it was time to throw down in the street or at school, I always did. Partially because I knew my badass big brother would disown me if he heard I punked out. Backing down meant you were a victim. I once accidentally stepped on his buddy’s shoe and apologized. I’ll never forget what the guy said, “You never say sorry. It makes you look weak.” But a man’s sneakers were sacred in the hood, and I sure as hell never looked for a fight — unless I was channeling big brother.

He loved throwing the first punch and bragged about knocking guys out cold at night clubs — until a near death experience and one hundred and fifty stitches thanks to razor blade slashes made him reconsider his life choices. I’ll never forget when the call came in the middle of the night. I don’t remember why I answered the phone instead of my parents, but the voice on the other end is clear as day, “Your brother has been stabbed.” At that moment I thought the worst, and was relieved to see him gingerly walking through the door later that morning, battered, bruised and slashed to bits — but alive.

When I pretended to be my brother, I wasn’t above throwing a preemptive strike. We all had it in us. Hell, my dad was known to go into some destructive ass kicking rages when people pissed him off. I certainly tried my best not to get on his sizable bad side. Mom and sis aren’t exactly shrinking violets either.

My recurring nightmare as a child was of me walking down a beautiful tree lined street, the very one I always wanted to live on. It was only a few blocks from our shithole, but felt like a world away. In the dream, as I reluctantly step, there is the overwhelming feeling that someone is hiding in the shadows, waiting to attack. I’m petrified to move forward, but I keep going — slowly heading toward the inevitable. It was terrifying torture.

I don’t remember ever actually seeing the attacker. I’ve attached a bunch of meaning to that dream ever since, but at the root was my fear. For most of my life I moved forward, steadily but fearfully. I did things that made me want to shit my pants and forced my way through, hating every minute. In retrospect, these all helped build toughness and character, as did my old neighborhood, but the fear persisted. I became a bouncer, champion bodybuilder and an expert martial artist, but felt like a fraud for the unease that was my base level.

It wasn’t until I took these seven steps that terror’s grip on me loosened. Fear doesn’t have to be your enemy. If you learn how to use it, it will energize your actions and help you break past limitations. But first, you have to acknowledge that it’s there.

Accept that you and everyone you know will die. There’s no way around it. Yeah, it’s bleak, but if you wanna live in denial of death, you’re liable to swallow a bunch of bullshit to ease your mind. At its core, all fear is fear of death. When I was a kid, I hated when anyone brought up dying, especially my parents. The uncertainty was too overwhelming. There’s nothing more worthless than fear of the inevitable. It took me a couple of years of suicidal depression, meditation and time in sensory deprivation tanks to get comfortable with the idea of not existing. The tank feels like you’re floating in the womb. It’s pitch black, soundproof and the water is the same temperature as your body, so it feels lke there’s no separation. You and the enviornment become one. It’s blissfully peacful. Sure, I don’t want to die right now because I’m loving life, but I know it will happen one day — and I hope to enjoy that ride as much as I’m enjoying this one.

You’re not your personality. It’s easy to feel like a single, solitary soul drifting in a vast sea of faces. Valuing our individuality as we do, many of us strive to be unique while others do their best to blend into the collective. The way I see it, we’re all the current that powers these appliances we call our bodies. I feel like I’ve lived several separate lives filled with rich, distinct experiences and at the end of each, I mourned the death of an identity. While it feels like I was different people, the throughline was the same. The real me didn’t change. Our personalities are just things made up by our circumstances. They’re the features of the toaster. We’re the electricity that makes it work. I had to lose everything I had built to figure that one out. Once my marriage, home, business, students, money and identity were gone, it was just me — I had to be OK with that.

Your ego is not your life. Learning how to lose isn’t about being resound to failure. Losing is vital because it’s the only way to discover that life will go on when you do. The first time I lost something when I was sure I’d win was devastating. Everything I believed about myself was shattered. My invincibility was gone. Once I realized that defeat wasn’t death and the people that mattered would love me either way, I began to enjoy every aspect of competition instead of only focusing on the result. It wasn’t until I stopped giving a shit that things clicked. Being afraid of the embarrassment of failure is guaranteed to keep you from enjoying success.

Forgive your fear. Far worse than being afraid was my sense of shame. I hated that I wasn’t brave, like the thugs in my neighborhood. To me, being tough meant never being scared. As I became dedicated to martial arts and more interested in understanding fear, I realized that all those guys were probably just as scared as me. It would have been abnormal for me not to be afraid. The environment was so consistently charged with the potential for violence that I frequently lived in a survival state. Getting out unscaved would have taken a level of psychopathy I didn’t possess. When I forgave the little kid I was for being afraid, the shame melted away and the residual fear soon followed.

Whatever happens, everything always works out. You always know you’re in the right place because that’s where you are. No matter what, the world will keep moving on. It will do the same thing it’s doing now when you’re gone. You don’t need to worry quite so much about making the wrong choice when you accept that it doesn’t really matter what choice you make. Yes, of course you matter, your family will miss you and you’re a beautiful soul — all that jazz. But in the end, the world will continue to unfold, and the Earth will be incinirated by the sun — so fuck it. Embrace the experience but don’t cling to any result.

Step up. A sure fire way to kick fear’s ass is to look it in the eye and blow it a kiss. Fear is a bully. It’s all talk. It will try to shout you down until you grovel your way back to mediocrity. Pick something you’re afraid of and do it! Don’t try to not be afraid. Be afraid and do it anyway. But here’s the important part: Smile while you’re doing it. For me, it was roller coasters. I hated them as a kid. They terrified me, and each time I got on one, I regretted every click up to the top. The thought was always the same, “Why did I get talked into this? Let me off!” I never enjoyed the ride, closing my eyes tight and clenching my body until the hellish few seconds was over. One day, I decided that roller coasters represented the fear I wanted to conquer, so I got on the legendary Cyclone. It’s the old, rickety wooden monster at Coney Island in Brooklyn. The thing screeched a death knell and I loved it! I forced myself to smile from the moment I sat in the seat. I told myself that if that car came off the track, I was gonna soak in my final moments. I was sick and tired of being afraid of fear. My mindset shifted, and the click clack became excitement and anticipation instead of anxiety and fear. Funny how those can feel the same.

If you wanna take it a step further, start embracing pain. It may sound a little masochistic, but I like to stare at the needle when it goes in at the doctor. I like going to the dentist. They both used to scare the shit out of me. Even though I had always sought out the painful burn of a brutal workout, it was the pain I deemed unwanted that I sought to relabel. Smiling at the dentist or laughing after my knee was popped back into place in training were not ways to prove to myself that my body was tough, but that my mind was strong. The anticipation of pain is normally much worse than the physical sensation. Change the way you see pain and the way you interpret the sensation will transform

Of course, no one is fearless — unless they’re a psychopath. Fear will always be with you. It’s what you do with it that determines how far you go. The fluttering in your belly is a sign to take action that scares you because it will force you to grow. The quicker your pulse, the bigger the potential change. Don’t deny your fear. Jump on, throw your hands up and enjoy the beautifully terrifying thrill ride.

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

"Whew! Holy cats, I thought I'd never get through that Rubik's Cube…"

My hand came up to push into my face. Not that it really mattered; I could barely feel it. "At least I could kinda help with that one. The other two gates were… yeah, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Kniv-"

"Enough," Knives panted as she wiped the sweat from her brow on her striped scarf. It was pretty weird that she was wearing it in the middle of summer, but I had a feeling it was kind of part of her 'battle outfit' or something. "Didn't I… tell you that I'm… doing this for both of us? Not just you?"

"But watching you stare into the mirror… man, I thought you were gonna turn into that other reflection of you with all the purple buffalo in the background…"

The sweet smile made my pulse race. Somewhere. Not in the body I was in within my body, but the body outside of my… body… this is really annoying to explain, as I have just realised while trying to do so. Point is, seeing her smile makes me smile, too. "Anything for you, Kim Pine. Serious and mysterious."

"Alright, alright. Just try not to get killed or then I'll be really hacked off."

The thing I still couldn't figure out was how I guessed all of this so accurately. Probably something subliminal about it; there's no way it was a coincidence. But everything, the three gates, the rhino and warthog, the high-walled chambers we had to fight our way through, came to pass exactly as I snarked in a would-be joking tone. If I made it a reality by saying it… man did I fuck myself royally.

At this point, Knives and I were at the top of a ledge that ran the entire circumference of a round room, closer to the ceiling. It was over a dozen meters to the ground, and another three or four up to the ceiling from where the walkway was positioned. Once she flipped down into that pit, it would be her against the sixteen-eyed monster that stood between us and the final chamber. Maybe we would luck out and it wouldn't really have a laser cannon in its chest, but after everything I'd seen, that felt like a pretty horrible bet to take.

"We don't even know that getting past this thing will be worth the effort," I whispered. "What are we going to find in the sub-chamber? How is it gonna help me at all?"

"Dunno. Just… okay, should I use the save point? Because the room already locked behind us, and if I need some kind of item that we didn't find on our way here…"

"Right, I know. Like, do we really wanna have to go through the gates all over again if we don't use it?"

"Yeah." Glancing back at the closed-and-shut door, then over at the spinning, glowing book that floated above a magic circle on the floor, she flashed me a huge shrug. "I think I can take him, but like, you're right; do we lock down how far we've come, or give ourselves a way to double back for power-ups?"

Facepalming, which didn't do much since I could see through my hand, I sighed, "Whatever. Just please be careful?"

"Okay. Here goes nothing…"

Knives walked over and touched the save point. Now we were committed. Once the glow faded from her skin, she gave me a thumb's up before leaping down to land in front of the beast.

Watching her at work is like watching Russian ballet, only with green blood spraying everywhere. Darting back and forth, hiding behind pillars to dodge the worst of its needle attacks, and then hopping out to slice it up as much as she could. It smacked her around a few times, but she was doing some pretty decent damage… until it got her with the laser cannon. Then she was fried to ash, and there as nothing I could do…

But wait for her to respawn at the save point. I was a ghost; I didn't affect anything, other than to talk to her and give her ideas.

"Whoa, did… that really happen just now?"

"Man, I'm glad that worked," I told her, feeling like years had been shaved off my afterlife. "I… oh Knives…"

That definitely didn't sound like me, and she noticed, turning back from where she had been approaching the edge of the catwalk. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah. Just… just not ready to see you get hurt. Even if you pop right back in, that was still…"

"But you saw me get beaten up by Gideon before, right? So what's the difference?"

I scoffed. "Didn't have much of a personal investment in you then. And that was scary, too."

"He wasn't a real threat."

"He seemed to beat up Scott pretty thoroughly!"

"Yeah." Her smile was pretty confident, yet somehow still adorable, like she was about to break out into the world's cutest maniacal laughter. "But he's got nothing on me. Be right back."

And she was. I could tell it was almost done for, but then it did a stomp move that knocked her onto her butt. The next stomp squished her flat. But she popped back in thanks to our handy checkpoint and jumped straight back down there again. And again. And again. Eventually, I had to stop watching the moment she bit it or I would have been screaming and sobbing, despite having no physical tears to shed. But each time, she got a little better.

"Dude, give it up. Maybe they can figure out a way to pull you out of here from this save point. Do you have a Wing Bottle, maybe?"

"No… way!" she panted, leaning back against the wall as she caught her breath. Apparently, even though the save point respawned her, it wasn't respawning her stamina entirely. She still needed a break before trying again. "I got this! And… I'm not giving up on you!"

"You should! I'm not worth this! God, I know you want to win, and I think you can, but watching you die over and over is… I hate it!"

Frowning, she pushed off and came over to hug me very briefly. By which I mean she put her arms around my ghostly form and kinda held them there, giving the impression of a hug, which was close enough. "Sorry. I'd hate watching you do that, too… but we gotta win this. And I will; I think I've about got his pattern down. I just have to remember not to tuck-and-roll at that moment when I think I need to again, and I'll be good."

"Did you notice what he does before he fires off the canon? The way his top two eyes blink?"

"What? No, I didn't! Okay, that'll really help, because like, I was just waiting to see the chest open and then it's almost too late to duck…" Nodding a couple off times, she then smiled over at me. "Yeah, I'll watch for it. Thanks!"

"What 'thanks'? I'm basically helping you help me. Go on."

The final attempt was a thing of beauty to watch. Knives had that chump on the ropes the whole time, snapping at his tentacles with her blades and ducking out of their reach, away from the needles that shot out of them, and then dodging the laser cannon because of me pointing out the blinking thing. She had a pretty good dodge ratio even before that, but seeing her get out of the way every time was a lot more satisfying. Then, once he did the duck-down halfway through the fight, getting ready to slam, she sliced his stupid wings off and he got pissed the way he does, firing the laser in an up-down pattern that she had to dodge by ducking and then jumping up to grab the ledge. Didn't take much of that for her to wear him down so she could dart in and poke out the last remaining eyes. Once he was blind, all she had to do was stab the crystal on his back and he was down for good.

"YES!" she cheered, falling to her knees. "I… I did it! I did it!"

We both shouted our celebrations for a few seconds as I drifted down, wishing I could hug her. After a few minutes of that I said, "Oh man… what a jerk! If my fist wasn't invisible I would punch him."

"Now?"

"Yeah, now! He messed with my girl!"

Knives's flush took on a different meaning. "Awww, you called me your girl. I'm gonna give you so many kisses when you have a face again!"

"I… just… o-okay," I managed to stammer, ignoring her giggle as she started walking. "Wait, shouldn't you go back to the save point?"

"Nah, it's too far up to get to it without timing wall jumps for hours. And anyway, now that I have the pattern down, I can blow through that boss pretty easy if I have to again. Muscle memory, right?"

So I followed her forward into the next chamber. The innermost one, where the "real me" was supposed to be, if this was all coming true as we went. Crazy, but it was hard to argue with the proof when it was right in front of us like that.

This chamber really did look like the inside of a heart. The walls were a dark red, slick and nasty, and in the center was a cage made of stone. We took a quick look around, hoping to spot any crazy vampires or fire-breathing lizard-turtles that would want to kill Knives — and by extension, my chances of being able to move ever again — and saw nothing. So instead, we rushed to see what was in the cage.

It was me. Or at least, it was some weird version of me that I could only describe as a princess. Her hair was about half a meter longer and done in some kind of gentle wavy curls that I could never pull off in a million hours of crimping, and she was wearing a white dress that showed off the rack that I don't really have. Her upper arms weren't nearly as jacked as mine are from drumming, but they were still toned. Basically, this was what I would look like if I dieted perfectly, had my own stylist and was also on my way to a debutante ball or whatever.

"Oh!" Princess Pine gasped when she spotted Knives. "You have come for me, Prince Chau!"

"Prince?" Knives muttered with a frown.

"Yes! You are the prince and I am the princess, waiting f-"

"She's not a dude!" I shouted in my best heckling voice. What the hell was this supposed to be? I was instantly offended by her very existence.

"I'll not hear a word from you, pretender!" she said, voice somewhere between angry and frightened. "The NegaKim must be vanquished!"

For a few seconds, we just blinked at her. It was me who asked, "The what?"

"NegaKim! 'Tis you who has been in charge of my body, stealing everything I could have done for night a decade of years! A shame and a disgrace to my face!"

"Wait," Knives put in, holding up a hand. The other one was still holding a dagger; she wanted to be at least semi-prepared for a sudden attack. "What are you talking about, 'NegaKim'?"

"She is NegaKim! I am the real Kim Pine, of course! Forced into this Gorgon Maiden by nefarious means, kept prisoner by the evil twin-spirit who took over my physical form! While my prince wasted her efforts on her, when I would have been much more appreciative!" She was still talking with all that righteous fire, but saying that last part I could see her blush a lot worse than I usually did. And it looked better on her. Goddamn it, I couldn't even be the hottest version of Kim Pine, which really rankled.

Knives had a different observation. "Well, at least she's getting the pronouns right…"

"Listen, you," I growled angrily. "Fuck the hell off. It's my body, I've had it for twenty-five years, and I'm not handing it over to some… frilly, froofy cunt!"

That gave her one of those affronted faces you only see in movies set in the 1800s. After she recovered, she hissed, "You'll regret this! I don't know how, but you will, I'll…" There were tears in her eyes. This was pretty legit for a fake-ass bitch trying to steal my spot in life. Her fists were trying to rattle the bars of her little cage as she shouted, "I'm going to get out of here, I swear it!"

"Okay, okay," Knives hissed, raising her hand again to encourage her to calm down. "What if we get you out, and you can go away somewhere else? Isn't that a good, like… compromise? OH! What if we got a robot-Kim, and you could go live in there?"

"My prince… can't you see that I am your intended?" she pleaded with her, leaning so far against the bars that her face was trying to push between them. "Not her, me! She will hurt you, but I would cradle your heart as if a baby bird! I… all I want is to make you happy!"

Everyone was quiet for a few seconds. I turned back to Knives and shrugged. "Well? She's the girl of your dreams. All the freckles, and none of the acid-tongue. Plus she's way cuter."

"Nah," Knives said without any hesitation. "I know who I love, and it's you. This is some other test and I'm gonna pass this one, too. And the next one, and the next, until I break you out and we can both go get sushi or something."

As I was grinning at her, beyond any level of love for her that I had previously thought possible, I dimly noticed Princess Pine collapsing on the floor in a flurry of sobs. Oh well, too bad. Better luck next time. As we were sharing that moment, someone came along to interrupt it…

"How dare you thwart my plans! I've been waiting for this to come to fruition for seven years!"

If my face could have paled any further than ghostly white, it would have.

"Simon Lee."

To Be Continued…

[thesecretersecretparadise]

Diary Logs: The Life Of a Jewish Soul Trapped In a Psychiatric Ward (Again) | Part 1

7/11/19

G_d, there are constantly helpful friends/friendly help everywhere that I go, whenever I find myself alone. Hospitals are infiltrated with demonic oppressors/docs that get people that are in pain & suffering to convert @ last min so that less Jews are risen from dead/grave... souls still fill non-Jewish bodies though. These bodies will be the hardest to wake, if they ever wake at all...

_______________________________________________________________________

7/12/19

-Asking G_d about something over and over again won’t change His answer. So stop annoying Him.

-We unconsciously know happiness, we just need to make it conscious.

א. Believe your prayers work. ב. Know G_d works through your prayers. ג. Get results.

_______________________________________________________________________

7.12.19

B...

I’m unfolding the reasons you allowed me torture in here again, slowly but surely. All these other people keep making judgments like they’re G_d or something... I feel so disconnected from you, which I hope is just the natural swing of desolation I am meant to be in after such a highly intense spiritual experience... Every part of me wants to write this all off as cyclical psychosis, but if I do, I’m going to be way too late to be doing what I have to do, in-time for you... and this “psychosis” may never end.

G_d, get me out of here ASAP, and get me out of my parents’ ASAP! They keep holding me down! I NEED to get a move on w/ my life! I have to go HOME...

B, I love how you get my unconscious thoughts before I do. This is the only way you can love me so perfectly, I’m sure. I can’t wait until we meet up & put these lies to rest.

Seriously, though. People need to quit giving a f**k about our/my lives/life. People love to judge so much, & I never got that. FFS, can we all just see the good in people, and address the bad in people in a direct and effective way?

This is why I could never handle fame. Everyone constantly has opinions on how you should live your life. Nothing I’m not used to from my parents, though...

B**, I really, really, really hope you haven’t died, nor found someone else... Or if you did, there should be someone better than you for me out there. But I really don’t see anyone topping how perfect you are for me. And I’m not just saying this of you being attractive & Jewish. I honestly never would’ve given Judaism a thought for conversion if it weren’t for you. You were with me in my life this whole time, I just couldn’t know yet. I really feel like our personalities are literally perfect for each other. You can stay calm & collected in areas I can’t stay calm & collected in, and vice versa.

Mem{ “You know what your path is. So even if it feels ‘psychotic’ to be doing the ‘psychotic’ thing, just follow it, and when the timing is right, the heavens will have finally become a mastered puzzle w/ all the pieces perfectly glued together. You got this. You have faith in me, and I’ll have faith in you. Please don’t ever give up, no matter how hard this is. I believe in you.” }

Our whole lives have been leading up to this. Ain’t NO way we givin’ this s**t up, ever! It’s getting tougher because the end is nearer, more people are finding out, and more are trying to have a chance at this. But none of this is new. We now know the correct ways to fight all these evil inclinations, we just gotta put this stuff into action. Help!!! And let’s get one thing straight: I will never give up on you until you give up on me. Just tell me, man-to-man, so I can get closure & move on w/ my life, k?

Nun{ “B***H! I got one thing right! That’s you! Now stop assuming I’m off w/ other girls bc you don’t hear from me as much, after you complain about not wanting to listen to ‘voices’ anymore. Just stay strong, and these confusing frustrations will go away. In His perfect timing! ;)” }

I love youuu!!! So to finish this convo.. We can get rid of guns & replace them w/ the Torah, no? Kill lies w/ the truth, and smack ‘em w/ The Book as self-defense if they come at us physically? I don’t see anything bad w/ this, as long as all guns are completely non-existent & everyone is on-board w/ the Torah... One day, this shall happen! We pray, G_d!

B{ “Thanks. I love you so much.” }

And as for cops, ******* brings up a good point, unless that’s changed too, & he’s stuck in the past & finally waking up.. Why not just replace the whole police academy w/ a judicial academy? Might be hard, but I think it’s def worth it to get rid of the exploitation of power.

B{ “I don’t even think it’s that hard. You have the best ideas, and people hate them bc they’re so good, and they hate change. But don’t worry, bc Millenials are catching up, & Gen Z is totally behind it all bc they’ve been wanting this change for so long, just like you. Our kids need us. We can’t just give up bc of a big, fat demon we haven’t yet conquered together. Yeshu; wrong; 3 strikes, you’re out.{{ “They all come to us one-by-one for guidance/help in His perfect timing, so you’re doing it right! We just live, let them come, & keep responding w/ the truth until they leave. They may come back for more clarification, & these are the blessings from G_d letting us know that we aren’t f**king up when we think we are.” }} So stay strong, & keep being you!” }

I love how we’re such cheerleaders for each other. I think we make an awesome couple!

B{ “So true, so sane, so- same!” } [;)]

<333 :*** You’re the bestt

B{ “No, u” }

Awh, stop. <3 WE THE BEST WE GON’ DO DIS WOOOTT! <3 :*

[PS. thx for letting me know it’s been you this whole time ;)]

_______________________________________________________________________

The future-- ((LOTS of jobs, and opportunities for soul-enriching career changes that your souls have been starving for this whole time.))

-Get rid of cops. --Replace police academy w/ judicial academy. -->Righteous cops right now -> Righteous judges/Orthodox rabbis -->Law enforcement based on complaints brought to court, with all parties involved -> Court cases w/ judges --Don’t need prideful cowards having power & authority!!

-Get rid of top-down government control. --Let citizens voice what they want at court, & we allow/disallow, based on ethics/morals.

-Jail for occultists until they Teshuvah. --Inmate supervisors must be the most temperant and spiritually woke rabbis with the gift and complete training of/on exorcism.

-Replace guns w/ Truth/Torah.

-Make everything cost less. --Get rid of inflation, & keep prices low. --Make it cheaper to produce/import/export things. -->Get rid of monopolies: Support the companies being shat on and seemingly declining. -->Ask G_d to bless them as well. -->And keep moving from company to company (still fulfilling Abrahamic Covenant!!) until everyone gets rid of their bull about needing to be the best, and one-upping each other with false piety. -->*Gets rid of the ADHD-inducing, highly competitive societies that literally destroy our children that need parental figures who are constantly emotionally & physically present.

-De-pathologize all spiritual experiences. --Prescribe counseling w/ a righteous rabbi on that spiritual level who can understand and give correct wisdom to rout out lies, and cement in truths from G_d.

-To combat mania: Learn something new/Start a new project that you’ve always wanted to, but never had the time for. --GET RID OF ANTIPSYCHOTICS. WE DON’T NEED THEM, THEY ARE WICKED, AND KILL OUR SOULS SLOWLY BUT SURELY. --May need a vacation/long break from normal life/routine to rechannel this energy.

-Get rid of psychiatrists. --DOs w/ specialty in PSY & medical marijuana instead. -->As antipsychotics add more dopamine, so does weed. We seriously don’t need man-made pills. They are wicked. -->True medicine: We just need to get pure extractions from plants that G_d gifted us with, to our lands.

-Get rid of psychiatric wards. --Just need sleep & vent stations w/ specially trained supervisors who can also attend to the affairs of medical marijuana and psychology, and intervene when there are warning signs observed. -->One-on-one, doctor-to-patient. -->*CILII (call it like it is): We are not clients, we are patients that need help getting healed. Coddling us with delusional labels will never help us actually, truly heal.

-Video games = Happy place/Fantasy land. --Prevents antisocial outbursts of mania. --There you go, video game developers ;)

-Make all foods Kosher. --More righteous rabbis needed!!

_______________________________________________________________________

G_d’s Puns--

-What the hell -> What the... ה, אל. -> What the ה... -> What the... discovery!!

-Hey B, you’re not bulls**t, you’re the bull star! I love my bull star ;) <3

-דוד -> dude

-MAGA = Make America Great Again -> מאגא -> --מאג׳א => MAJA = Make America Jewish Again -->F off, you anti-Semites. America was ALWAYS a promised land for the Jews escaping anti-Semitism. And we WILL reverse the Pentagon with a Hexagon. (Will be explained further, later on...)

-Prime Ministry in Israel

_______________________________________________________________________

G_d’s Wisdom--

-You don’t need to change anything about yourself, you just have to love & accept yourself just the way you are. --Then, G_d can help you grow into the person He made you to be. -->So: Be yourself! -->*QUIT TRYNA BE SOME ONE/THING YOU AREN’T. That s**t will make you psychotic af. Especially you, witches. The wicked fall in their own destruction, L.

-Genuine vs. Ungenuine... --Genuine: Always stick by you, support you, and try to help. -->Talking behind back: Exposing lies with truths; NOT gossip. --Ungenuine: Only come by when they sense you’ve caught on to them being ungenuine. -->Talking behind back: Gossip. -->*Gossip = Idly/falsely speaking of something, knowing full-well that’s what you’re doing, which will bite you in the a*s in His perfect timing.

-The Hamsa can be flipped. --Fight evil, & receive blessings. -->The Hamsa is a great way to know whether a soul is teachable, or too prideful for the actual Truth.

_______________________________________________________________________

7/13/19

I’m going to stop asking if you’ve given up on me, if you’ve found someone else, etc. You will never. You’re not someone who’d give up on something G_d worked so hard on your whole life, and neither am I. There are so many jealous fakes right now, but G_d’s secrets, through the Hebrew Aleph-Bet, never lie. People are now trying to confuse our discernment. How ignorant. They’re only now catching onto how we’ve lived our whole lives, and think they have us figured out. [Stupid, so stupid.] They legit have no lives... Humor at annoyance is something new, I guess. I really hope, and I pray right now, that this ride isn’t as f**ked up for you, as it has been for me. <3 you!

~leafy

_______________________________________________________________________

7.13.19

“Hey.”

What’s up?

“I’m just sorry that you have to go through this. I know it’s annoying af, but you gotta get used to it. This is your job now. You live your life, get to know people, and then weed out the bad from the good, and keep killing those lies w/ truths while ridiculing liars. It’s sort of pathetic how much people lie because they’re wrong and you’re right, eh?”

I wish liars would die off... they’re so f**king useless in this world. And they project their lying a*ses onto the most honest ppl... Triple Ls! Lyin’ Low Lives. LOSERS. HAHAH I love us & G_d. WOOT!!! <3 :*

“ily”

This is redemption in full swing, man. We got this!!

_______________________________________________________________________

7/13/19

LMFAO He dun p**sed himself dirty. Blaming me for... ruining your own life and making yourself delusional. Did I not warn you to not provoke me? You get what you deserve. You took advantage of me being nice and continued to slip demonic statements to try to bring me down, which in turn failed & brought you down. F**k off out of my life forever, dumb a*shole. lol. *******, give up if you actually want to be saved. You’re delusional & psychotic. Have a nice life...

I legit did nothing to your a*s. lmfao. You did all of this to your pathetic self. If you actually wanted true pity/love, you wouldn’t be so prideful to try to teach me something about my life as if you know anything like G_d does. The wicked fall in their own destruction. You try to kill me, you end up killing yourself or your own, and G_d won’t kill me since it’s NOT in His master plan. I already warned so many times.

YOUR FAULT, “******* ********.” Completely delusional. LOL. TWO CAN PLAY THE “FAKE LOVE” game, except I’m actually genuine when nice... and just mean when I have to be... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ If I’m too nice, and you f**ked up, YOU f**ked up.

_______________________________________________________________________

7.13.19

Oh, so I wasn’t evil for seeing Mary w/ demonic eyes in meditation before, eh? D**n, how does my soul just know these things? I always saw Yeshu w/ evil eyes too. Yeshu’s sullen, Mary’s w/ red eyes. Hahah. I WAS RIGHT. LOL. F my parents. Apparently to Christians, being woke = being possessed. L. HAHAHAHAHA. Y’all the most psychotic bunch, reading “sacrificial lamb” & going, “OOHH, JESUS!” LMFAO. Quit projecting your delusional psychoses on us woke f***s, you b***hf***s...

_______________________________________________________________________

7/14/19

“פ: ily, Leah.”

Love you too, B**! <3 (:*)

_______________________________________________________________________

7.14.19

Someone from the CIA blew whistle on their wicked plan, then became an FBI. CIA stayed, trying to get either Mem or T**** or some other fake f**k possessed by Yeshu announced as “M” by me. FBI kept looking out for me & praying for me. CIA started lying to FBI about me, so war of logic began. -B** almost gave up, but I had all the proofs & legitimacy. Mem & T**** finally gave up, hopefully... Nun kept going back & forth between FBI & CIA to keep tabs on me. -Then, he got super confused with religions, got manic, made himself an idol, went manic again with drunk driving and died, and led me to AA.

TTT -> TT|TT: T**** to Teshuvah ~> no more OT, no more NT, just the Truth in the Torah.

Blue is calm, yellow is happy. Need to go to UCLA. Don’t need maize in my life... lol

_______________________________________________________________________

7/15/19

G_d,

This ‘three strikes, you’re out’ thing... I feel like it was needed this whole time for us to wake up & Teshuvah, but in this time of, I think, redemption? It’s time that people that haven’t caught on by now won’t ever catch on & aren’t teachable. I see that every time I give up on their salvation/conversion/praying for them, they either do an honest Teshuvah or they’re just placating/fakely appeasing me because they know that being nice to me is tied to their eternal life vs. damnation... But You know the secret hearts of all. And You made me perfectly, according to Your perfect will to finally bring fulfillment to the Messianic prophecies. But I’m also in here to be taught the last things I need to be taught before we actually embark on this Journey. Perhaps I’m not ready yet. Perhaps, once I can finally set my boundaries straight, keep them, and not let anyone f**k w/ them, is when I’ll finally be able to be comfortable w/ the ‘three strikes, you’re out’ thing. My Korean name means, ‘the wisdom of Jesus,’ not ‘the mercy of Jesus.’ That f**ker’s mercy is what f**ked everyone up, had them believing it was okay to sin in some ways but not others, and had everyone go psychotic w/ his sensual delusions of spiritual things. He got it completely wrong, and ended up becoming Satanist/Luciferian, starting Satanism/Luciferianism, then lying about f**king everything. He picked his own death, but now, he’s just roaming around and possessing so many... Only You can bring an end to this. So plz do! End him! He’s gross! He raped me enough times & f**ked w/ me enough for You to end him. Please end him, Mary, Baal, and Daniel NOW! Gosh. I’m sick of this fake love & talking about me behind my back. He’s evil. I bet he’s an Egyptian who lied about being Jewish. Not even a Jew, and had to lie to everyone about him being “the one,” just so people could find him credible... just like Mem, and just like T****... TYSM for the gift of my bull star!!!

We are only human, so we will only have human-like reactions to everything going on around us, in conjunction w/ Your will/master plan for us, unlike the prideful-a*s ‘holier-than-thou’ striving-to-be angels f**kers keeping their emotions repressed until they go f**king manic... since that’s not how You created us..

G_d, I love You, & how faithful You are to those that truly do love you.

I guess people don’t truly love You if they can’t humble themselves to a point where they can accept the truth... OK thx G_d, ilysm. ALWAYS be w/ me, no matter how sinful I get!! <3

_______________________________________________________________________

7.15.19

HEY YESHU YOU F**KA*S. You already dun raped me enough. F**K OFF & DIE. F**k this PNES. F**k your nonexistent penis, you intersexed demon.

Animals can’t talk, so they are allowed to fight back physically. -Humans can talk, so we should fight back w/ words, instead of animal-like.

Get rid of IVF. Not G_d’s will. -Adoption is. --If you fear/reject adoption for whatever reason, you don’t deserve/aren’t fit to be “parents” to a child/baby. -->So: Work on yourself. -IVF babies that exist now are obviously G_d’s plan, but seriously- no more. --ex: Me, but I’m cursed. All the time. It took HECKA praying for me to be unbound from this sin of my parents, and takes continuous prayer to ward off evil. NOT a life you want for yourself, nor your kids. Promise. It was only G_d that sustained me because He needs me to do LOTS of work for the salvation of all Jewish souls, but.... the wicked fall in their own destruction, until/unless they Teshuvah.

G_d, GET RID OF THAT DEMON & ITS SPAWNS ON EARTH, ESPECIALLY IN FLORIDA!!! OMFG. He’s making everyone psychotic there... Pwease, G_d!!!

G_d, I thank You so much for using me to show Jews the righteous way of life. Many reject this righteous way of life for some reason. I don’t get it. It’s so perfect & lovely. I just thank You for allowing me to be a beacon of Your true light and perfect love. Thank You for healing us!!! <3

פיליה בן ישראל: Name change after actual, physical, ritualistic conversion?

LOL Christians may shut us up IRL, but we be the only ones speaking the truth online...

_______________________________________________________________________

~~~~WAY more to come later, in His perfect timing!!

[stompsite]

Im-prey-ssions

So, I started Prey 2017 up around midnight last night. Eleven hours later, I had to stop playing because I needed sleep. The only reason I’m not playing Prey 2017 right now is because I promised you I’d blog once a week, every week, and since I was busy apartment hunting, playing Prey 2017, and going to the hospital.* I still feel awful; I need several treatments, not one every six months, but dang it, I told you guys I’d write something this week, and I’m gonna do it, even if it’s just one draft. Then I’m going to go play more Prey 2017.

So, right off the bat, this game’s like a 9/10.

Like, if that’s what you want to know, there you go. I love playing this game. Now to get into the nitty gritty. I’ll be talkin a lot about positives and negatives, and I’m trying to be somewhat comprehensive. Just bear in mind: from what I’ve played so far, I like it as much as Dishonored 2 and Doom, my favorite games of last year. It’s Extremely Good.

As some of you may be aware, I really did not like Prey 2017’s demo. There are a few reasons for that, chiefly the fact that I desperately needed to go to the hospital. Literally everything was irritating me and getting under my skin. Everything. This includes Prey 2017’s melee system. Now, let me be clear here: I don’t like the melee system. I didn’t like it in Dead Island, and I don’t like it here. But the melee system is a small part of a huge game, and I happen to enjoy that game a whole heck of a lot.

Would the game be better without a stamina bar? Yes. Absolutely. 100%. The stamina bar adds nothing but annoyance to the game. It does not benefit Prey 2017’s design in any way. If they patched out the stamina system tomorrow, Prey 2017 would only benefit.

So, after the demo, I was pretty worried.

Now, something like 10 hours in: this game is a delight. I love how the station feels persistent; leave a room, come back later, find all the bits you moved right where you left them. It’s WONDERFUL!

The level design overall is Extremely Good Stuff. So far, my favorite level is Psychotronics. It feels the most reminiscent of System Shock 2, and it has two of the my favorite moments in the game so far, which I won’t spoil here. There’s an area above two big metal pods I’m still trying to figure out how to access, so I’ve got reasons to go back.

The Arboretum is fantastic. Crew quarters are ace. On and on I could go; I like every single level in this game with the sole exception of G.U.T.S., which is a long tube with zero gravity and some annoying enemies with it. Zero G outside of the station is super cool. Zero G in G.U.T.S. isn’t my thing. As a System Shock 2 comparison, G.U.T.S. is The Body of The Many. But this is one level out of like... a dozen, and as far as I can tell, you don’t have to use it again once you unlock the elevator. 

One of the coolest features of Prey 2017, which I hope everyone copies in the future, because it’s great, is the crew tracking feature. Everyone who dies leaves a corpse behind. You can use computers to pick a person to track, then find their corpse. Doing so can net you things like key cards and supplies, which opens up more of the station, allowing you to explore.

There are two kinds of Looking Glass fans, those who prefer Thief and those who prefer System Shock. I’m one of the fans who prefers System Shock; I enjoy exploring more than sneaking. It’s why I prefer S.T.A.L.K.E.R. to System Shock. It’s why I’m enjoying Prey 2017 so much. Finding a keycard and having that ‘oh yeah, I remember where that is!’ moment, going back to that spot, and finally getting to open a locked door you’ve been keeping in the back of your mind for the past few hours... it’s a great feeling. 

One of the issues I had with Bioshock is that you rarely had a reason to navigate Rapture. Bioshock 2, my favorite game in that series, went in the opposite direction, turning into a series of linear sandbox maps, like Thief. Dishonored and Dishonored 2 do the linear sandbox thing too. It’s perfectly fine design, but I’ve been hungry for a game world that I really felt like exploring.

Prey 2017 is the first truly satisfying game world I have explored since S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Clear Sky in 2008. The entire thing is open, you just have to find the right keys and hack the right doors and lift the right crates. It’s a game that rewards exploration, not with a “+100 XP: Crawled a vent” popup, but because as you explore, you get this really satisfying sense of “oh, this goes here, and that goes there, and it all works like this...”

Prey 2017 satisfies my exploration itch. You have no idea. It’s why I didn’t want to stop playing until I physically couldn’t play anymore. The only games that have held my attention so strongly in the past few years were Dishonored 2, Doom, Metal Gear Solid V, and Mad Max.

The symbiotic relationship between “hunt for crewmembers” and the station’s many locked doors creates this insatiable urge to explore. I love it.

Do I have complaints? Yes. The stamina system doesn’t benefit the game. G.U.T.S. isn’t fun to explore or traverse. The dudes who stop you from moving are just Not At All Fun To Encounter. The combat is something where I sigh and go “oh well, here I go again.” Great combat should be emotional combat; there should be highs and lows, a great rhythm, elation and relief in victory.

It’s not like a great stealth game, where you don’t want to enter combat because stealthing is more satisfying. It’s not like System Shock 2, Alien: Isolation, or STALKER, where combat can be thrilling and terrifying in equal measure, due to player vulnerability. It’s... just kinda there. It’s easily the game’s greatest weakness.

Prey 2017’s combat is annoying. The enemies feel samey (they’re all fast, teleporty, and take a bunch of shotgun damage before they die) and are way too visually consistent to be exciting. If you look at System Shock 2′s enemies, there’s a lot more interesting visual variety in the designs, which makes the experience more enjoyable. There was a lot more tactical/strategic depth in System Shock 2 as well.

Fortunately, you spend far more time exploring than you do anything else. It’s so effin good, man. Like... I’m over here writing about Prey 2017, when all I really want to do is go hop back in Prey’s world and explore Talos I some more. The level designers outdid themselves.

Even fundamental, basic stuff like mantling and crouching feels super good to do. The game world is just a joy to exist and interact in when you’re not fighting dudes. The only problem I have with the game world is that certain areas (especially the maintenance/labs area) have really predictable enemy spawns, which makes the world feel a lot less ‘real’ than it might otherwise.

Basically, I like the game. I like it a lot. I like it better than every game that has come out so far in 2017. It’s right up there with Dishonored 2 (which I adored) for me. It’s engrossing, thrilling, and awesome.

With some better combat and enemy design/spawning, Prey would be as close to perfect as a game can get. If my opinions change significantly as I continue the experience, I’ll probably right a review. If I was the scoring type, it would be an easy 9/10 for me.

So, one last thing: the default settings are a bit strange.

Change mouse sensitivity to 50, turn off Damage Numbers, rebind ‘tab’ to inventory, and bind your mouse wheel to weapon changes. It’ll feel a lot better. It’s still kind of weird to navigate menus (you can’t use the scroll wheel to scroll down lists?), and for some reason, moving your mouse moves your ENTIRE CAMERA when reading computers (compare this with Doom 3′s more satisfying implementation of computer screens). Sometimes, clicking works, other times, you have to press F, and sometimes, you have to press G. It’s kind of strange. It makes sense to use G to, like, repair items in the world, but less sense to use G on a menu where it seems like F or Mouseclick will do. 

The game has a ton of these weird little UX issues that, if tweaked, would significantly improve the game. I wish they’d been caught prior to release, but I hope they get patched.

There’s no FOV slider, but that should be coming soon. For some reason, the intro videos are unskippable. You can’t click through them or anything. You can, however, turn them off by editing your game files.

I do have Extremely Negative Impressions about how the game’s been handled, though. You see, I like Prey. That’s the Real Prey, the 2006 FPS Prey. The one with Blue Oyster Cult and Art Bell. I liked that Prey a lot. If you install Prey 2017, and you have Prey installed, 2017 will be installed in Prey’s directory. It’s frustrating.

It’s also frustrating that the game is named Prey at all; did we really have to lose the original game on Steam for THIS? Did the sequel really get canned for us to play this? I can take Prey 2017 on its own merits, and it’s a great game, but the way Human Head was treated, and the way the original game is being treated leave a really bad taste in my mouth. I love Arkane. I love Bethesda. I don’t like how the whole “Prey” situation has been handled. They could have given this game so many names and avoided the problem entirely.

The Prey for the Gods Situation is really bad. Some Bethesda PR dude said somethin on GAF about “we have to protect our trademark,” but that appears to be untrue. Here’s CDPR talking about that very subject. So it seems like folks at Bethesda are being dishonest, and that really rubs me the wrong way.

It sucks that a game I’m loving right now is associated with so many negative things.

Overall, best game I’ve played since Dishonored 2, appeals to my personal sensibilities a lot more, I don’t really like the combat so I try to avoid it as much as possible, I love this world so dang much.

*I was in the hospital because of my illness.

[junkobears]

For ask meme... Asahina, Nanami, Kotoko... and only if you wish so (V3 character...).. Akamatsu !

These are varied and original character choices to send to this blog, anon! I approve heartily. Will put this under a read more since it got VERY long as well, haha.

Asahina

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff (always very active and raring to go each day? always works hard to help out w/ the group and keep up morale? but has a scary streak and when pushed can make very reckless decisions? Asahina screams Gryffindor to me… although I could see her being in Hufflepuff too, TBH)best quality: Sporty girl who loves being sporty and not-girly and learns to love herself for it, actually being somewhat normal and less-anime than most characters in this series is refreshing to see, all her scenes are enjoyable… Asahina is great.worst quality: being reduced to boobs/doughnut jokes by either canon/fandom. Being the only DR1 survivor not to get any spin-off material for herself either, what the fuck is this Kodakaship them with: SAKURA, Kirigiribrotp them with: Celes, Mukuro, Koizumi, Tsumiki, Akamatsu ..every DR girl TBHneeds to stay away from: Being shipped with Togami and/or Hagakure what the actual christmisc. thoughts: Her relationship with Sakura is one of the few F/F pairs that don’t get treated like shit by this series, which is a huge bonus for me. They make me cry everytime I play DR1 no joke. Definitely a highlight of the series and wish there was more content for Asahina in general. Oh well.

Nanami

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff (i debated about whether she was ravenclaw and hufflepuff for a bit since she’s both quite clever and can adapt to situations, and also loyal to her friends and believes in hard work, but went with hufflepuff in the end… I would say she values the latter qualities moreso than the former)best quality: DR2 Nanami was really nice and I felt she had a pretty strong ‘AI learns to become human and makes friends’ character arc… Chapter 5′s climax was really well-done and v. gripping. Her many video game references were cute, as well. and I like her & Hinata’s bond in DR2 a lot. worst quality: DR3 retconning everything that made Nanami in DR2 interesting for shitty fan pandering. I think the decision to make her based off a real person instead of JUST being an AI was terrible, and it basically went against her entire character arc from DR2? What are themes, consistency etc.ship them with: Hinata, Tsumiki, Koizumi, Junko (AI hate-ship yo)brotp them with: Mioda, Saionji, Kirigiri, Naegi, Komaruneeds to stay away from: DR3 & Komaedamisc. thoughts: She’s always been kind of a fan-pandering character so never been one of my favourites personally, but it worked in DR2 where it was (somewhat) a subversion of VN ‘waifu’ tropes and the like. In DR3 it was just those tropes played straight, so was incredibly un-compelling. I still like her, though. I just like to forget the DR3 version exists. Also her fandom.

Kotoko

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: she is literally twelve years old | get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff (this one I’m really not sure about… I picked Ravenclaw in the end because she does know a lot of random trivia, so seems to be a very curious person/interested in learning things? Also Ravenclaws are known for being eccentric and accepting of… strange things. It just seemed to fit Kotoko best.) 

best quality: I actually like the concept of her character and felt that everything about her personality and motives were very consistent with her backstory… and I like that she is (one of) the Fighter/muscle of the evil kids, despite being a girly girl. It was refreshing.worst quality: Motivation Machine minigame and that stupid fight with Genocider Syo that strips her… like what the actual fuck. Kodaka your satire BOMBED here.ship them with: No one, because she’s 12brotp them with: Komaru, Warriors of Hope, Maizono, Junko (lol)needs to stay away from: Kodaka, Fandom dudebrosmisc. thoughts: Don’t sexualise a 12 year old character for shitty jokes/fanservice when you’re also trying to write her as a victim of CSA in a game that is trying to write about the horrors/impact of child abuse in general with the WOH. It really contradicts this message. Worst part of DRAE by far.

Akamatsu (won’t go into V3 spoilers here)

general opinion: fall in a hole and die | don’t like them | eh | they’re fine I guess | like them! | love them | actual love of my life hotness level: get away from me | meh | neutral | theoretically hot but not my type | pretty hot | gorgeous! | 10/10 would banghogwarts house: gryffindor | slytherin | ravenclaw | hufflepuff (does this one really need explaining? She’s the determined, outgoing leader-figure of V3′s students and is willing to stand up against Monokuma and do whatever it takes to stop his game and protect her classmates? Gryffindor, no contest)best quality: Amazing design, a much-needed change of pace for protagonists in DR, being an extroverted girl who really owns/takes charge of her leader status within the group. And actually has a talent.worst quality: The main ship for her being incredibly boring and forced IMO, which I have no interest in.ship them with: Tsumugi, Kirumi, Harukawa, Junko, Mioda, Koizumi… EVERY. DR. GIRL. brotp them with: The dudesneeds to stay away from: Kodakamisc. thoughts: Sayaka Kanda being her VA will always be my favourite thing. It’s really perfect. Akamatsu has a little Junko in her as a result of this and I can always appreciate that.

[bumskulls]

F/O List Updates and Info

Since I’m participating in “To My S/I” I wanted to add some info about my S/I’s and their relationships to my F/O’s, as well as make two (2) additions to said list! Without further ado, here we go!

Romantic: Sans from Undertale (Hopeful Lovers) (Main Romance) S/I: Lexi, Human We’ve been dating for a while now, and we love each other very much. We try to help each other keep going, even when we feel like giving up. We don’t talk as much as we should when something is bothering us. At least not to each other, so I know we’re both hiding something. One day I hope we can trust each other enough to break that wall between us.

Serana from Skyrim (Till Undeath Do Us Part) S/I: Dria, Nord Dovahkin After our adventures together we settled down. We’re married and living out our days in Lake View Manor with our children Lucia and Hroar. Serana has been cured of her vampirism.

Scorpia from She-Ra and the Princess of Power (Love Stings) S/I: Flamera, Princess of Fire It’s hard to love someone on the other side of the fight. But we have managed to keep it secret so far. We hope one day we can live in peace, without the war getting between us.

Aaravos from The Dragon Prince (Twinkling in the Night) (Newly Added~) S/I: Aurora, Human Mage We first saw each other through a mirror locked away in a dungeon. Not the most romantic of first dates, but it was worth it to meet such a marvel of magical beings. He is interested in me, in an almost scientific way. We have managed to communicate through writing.

Semi-Romantic: Damara/The Handmaid from Homestuck (Time Immemorial) S/I: Lexi, Human Damara and I met each other due to the machinations of Doc Scratch. Over time we became very good friends and she asked me to be her Moirail. I accepted and we keep each other safe from Doc as best as we can.

Doc Scratch from Homestuck (Reduced Autonomy Privileges) S/I: Lexi, Human Doc is a bastard and I hate his stupid face. But there are moments that walk the line between venomous and sensual. And I hate that I like it. Damara calls it Kismesitude. I guess that’s what it is? (This is a deliberately unhealthy ship.)

Alduin from Skyrim (Destiny Binds Us) S/I: Dria, Nord Dovahkin Alduin was returned from the grave by his father Akatosh in mortal form, as a punishment for forsaking his duty. Akatosh believed that Alduin needed to walk among mortals in order to understand them. As Dovahkin, I pledged to keep an eye on him. Serana and I make him unruly and envious. He is fixated with capturing my attention. Serana thinks it’s funny. I think it’s adorable. He thinks it’s just a phase. Paarthurnax thinks Alduin has found a soul mate...

W.D. Gaster from Undertale (Existance is Futile) S/I: Lexi, Human He haunts me, obsessed with me. He’s never harmed me, but he appears in my dreams and in the darkest corners, beckoning me to free him. But I don’t know how. Or if I want to.

Platonic: Alphys from Undertale (Karaoke Kweens) S/I: Lexi, Human Alphys and I bond over trashy anime, cooking shows, making fun of Sans, and weekly karaoke nights.

Asgore from Undertale (Flower Crowns) S/I: Lexi, Human Asgore is someone I can always go to for a good hug, a warm cup of tea, and friendly advice. He’s a father figure to me, and he’s trying to help me reconnect with my own dad.

Flowey from Undertale (Nip It In the Bud) S/I: Lexi, Human Flowey is a pain in the rear sometimes. He doesn’t know what to do with himself most of the time. Even if I show him something new, he tires of it quickly. I promised him something that I don’t know if I can keep. I promised that I would make sure he had a soul. He confided in me, I feel it’s the least I can do after what he’s been through.

Frisk from Undertale (Determined Humans) S/I: Lexi, Human Frisk is a tough kid. They are sometimes hard to communicate with, but they’re intelligent, brave, and kind. It’s hard to get them to open up, but I’ve been doing my best when I tutor them to help them understand that they’re allowed to talk about whatever is bothering them. It was Frisk who showed me I wasn’t alone in having a soul so red.

Grillby from Undertale (Quiet Quality) S/I: Lexi, Human Grillby is a pretty cool dude for a fire elemental. He’s a little wary of me, but I think it’s because he’s worried about Sans. Apparently the two of them used to date. But Grillby is a sweet man and he’s never spit in my food, so I call it a win. Besides we can bond over our mutual love of cuisine.

Mettaton from Undertale (Sexy Shapes) S/I: Lexi, Human This asshole cannot keep his competitive streak under control and neither can I. It helps to have a thing for glamor when dealing with him, so I may or may not have gotten into the hobby just to one-up him from time to time. I like to consider him a rival in that regard. But he’s a good friend and has always stood up for me when people are unkind about my body. He really does see the beauty in everyone.

Muffet from Undertale (Pastry Activists) S/I: Lexi, Human Muffet and I love to bake, even if I’m not the best at it. Sometimes her spiders scare me, but I would never hurt one of them. Especially since I can at least talk to them and tell them when they’re invading my space. Muffet loves that I’m nice to her babies. We’ve also attended rallies together in order to fight for monster rights. We bring snacks and hydration for events that need it.

Napstablook from Undertale (Easily Spooked) S/I: Lexi, Human Blooky shares a love of cool jams with me. We’ve worked on a lot of tracks together. Their company is soothing.

Papyrus from Undertale (Loud and Proud) S/I: Lexi, Human Papy has been the best wingman a person could ask for. He constantly tells me how proud he is of me and Sans. And he and I enjoy puzzles together. He’s a very good friend and I’m so happy to have him in my life.

Toriel from Undertale (Pie Babes) S/I: Lexi, Human Tori and I get together for lunch often. I want to be a teacher at the school she works at when I finish college. I get to be an Aide in her class and she has me tutor Frisk from time to time. She’s a wonderful mother figure to me, and she reminds me to keep fighting for my own happiness. She also really likes my mom, so I’m glad they can get along, even if my mom is a little confused by all the monsters suddenly in the world.

Undyne from Undertale (Just Desserts) S/I: Lexi, Human Undyne is hard to keep up with, to say the least but she warmed up to me after seeing how I interact with Alphys and Papyrus. She’s trying to motivate me to work out with her, but I think I’ll stick to the couch for now. At least until she agrees to take me to a normal gym and let me do my own thing. Her workout routine is a little intense for me.

Naruto Uzumaki from Naruto (Noodle Buds) S/I: Minyou, Kunoichi I work a lot of long nights helping Naruto on his path to become Hokage. He’s practically hand-picked for the job when Kakashi retires, but he’s still slacking off. You’d think saving the world would change that attitude of his, but at least he tries to listen to me when important topics come up. He came to me to learn what he needs to know to run the village, but often our study sessions turn into noodle night at Ichiraku. Not that I’m complaining there. He’s really something else.

Monkey D. Luffy from One Piece (Gum Song) S/I: Siren, Captain of the Shanty Pirates It wasn’t very long ago when I met the Strawhat crew. They’re a unique bunch. I’d never been interested in the kind of goals they’re after, least of all King of the Pirates. But Luffy changed my mind. After his stand against the Marines, I was emboldened to chart a course toward the One Piece. Maybe we’ll find it, maybe we won’t. But won’t it be a fun adventure along the way? Besides. I’d like to see him again, and thank him for reminding me why I became a pirate in the first place.

Trunks from Dragonball (Partners in Time) S/I: Rugala, Saiyan I was summoned for one reason, to assist Trunks in saving the universe from collapse. I never thought I’d make friends with someone like him, but I’ll stand by his side until the end of time. Which for the two of us, may not ever come, but I digress.

Mallek Adalov from Hiveswap: Friendsim (Semicolons Are for Smart People) S/I: Lexi, Human I miss Mallek a lot. We are able to text each other sometimes, but I have to be careful when it comes to doing so. Doc could take him away from me. Mallek is one of the truest friends a person could ask for.

Steven Universe from Steven Universe (Shooting Stars) S/I: Lexi, Human Steven is a great kid! He’s helped me do a lot of things I didn’t think were possible. He helped me build confidence in myself and taught me how to play the ukulele. I’m going to chase my dream, and I owe it to him for encouraging me.

Flash Sentry from My Little Pony (Flashy Flare) S/I: Doodle Flare, Unicorn Flash was charged with protecting me on my journey across Equestria. He stands up for me when I am unable to do so myself. He’s thrown himself into freezing water to save me. He’s made me feel like my mission is important, even when everypony else thinks it isn’t. I owe him a lot, and I should be sure to thank Prince Shining armor for assigning him to guard me.

Phew, that should be everyone. If any get added to this list, I will update it accordingly.