#hopefully can get some sleep this weekend
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besties...............i am so tired
#personal#that's it that's the whole post#i'm just very very tired#hopefully can get some sleep this weekend#so i can then not have any next weekend 🙃#past me constantly writing checks future me does not want to cash 🤧😔
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Have the next four days off, getting a tattoo tomorrow, celebrating my friends birthday this weekend, and hopefully might be filming some content for the other page 🫣🫣🤗🤗
#mine#text post#we’re halfway through the workday and feeling good#finally managed to get sleep last night#amazing what switching your meds routine can do for your brain#for all subscribers to the other page#thank you for being so patient while the last few months have been chaotic 😅😅#I’ll hopefully 🤞🏾 have some new things filmed this weekend to go out next week#also so excited for new tattoos !!!!!!
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it’s 2:30 am and i’m working on a fucking cosplay and it’s the most productive i’ve been tbh
#unfortunately can’t do this on schooldays so hopefully winter break will be kinder to me#tommorow sunday and i can fall asleep midday in the car or some shit nobody cares#but i’ll get yelled at if i sleep during school so weekend work it is#sodaramblestoomuch#oh and it’s fyodors dead apple cosplay i’m making for a con im helping out at and [hopefully] hosting a panel at in may#i’ll be the first submitter i’ve been thinking about what type of panel i wanna do for a month now im so prepared#even if my panel isn’t selected i’ll still have a bomb ass cosplay i handmade
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People who have come to terms with their disabilities and how they affect your life, please share your wisdom because despite it being years now, I'm having A Time™ and kinda feeling like I'm drowning lmao
#just spilled water all over my bed and it was the straw that broke the camel's back because I hyperextended my wrist#and the pain is shooting up to my shoulder now#and i overexerted myself this weekend and cause a flare up so bad ive been having fevers along with the pain#just really struggling with the fact that the rest of my life will be like this and grieving all the dreams ive had to give up#and i know it was the best option for the long run and the endometriosis was a fucking nightmare before#but ive honestly been regretting the hysterectomy so far because of all the complications#and it's stupid because it would've been dangerous for me to have kids anyway but now that it's impossible it's hitting me really hard#especially when my brother complains about being a parent#hopefully i can get some sleep tonight and ill feel a little better tomorrow#becca babbles#spoonie post
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I NEED my brain to stop waking me up with nightmares but
got 7 hours of sleep this time around despite it. I'm actually proud enough of that to post abt it lmaooo
#text post#that and i finally got my shot done#i say finally bc i fuckin forgor what day i did it last week but i think it was weekend time?#it is now lol#im gonna get myself out of bed now and get some shit done#so i can hopefully crash again tonight and actually sleep during the hours meant for it a little#nightmares or not bc at this point they are just Happening lol#i know they don't mean anything really but it does feel like a signal of what my brain is percolating on and it's like#bro wtf do u want me to do with any of the random bs these nightmares have had the ppl in them will NEVER apologise to us#can we pls get over it and stop dreaming abt things to do with them aksndjfbf
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Picking up bg3 again
#Sel talks#A bit#Trying to have a healthier relationship w it this time#Not coming home and playing for hours; losing sleep; all week#I picking it up once or twice a week#Trying to let myself make small progresses#I find the combat tedious at times though#Hate getting through most of a battle and getting defeated and having to restart u_u#Had this one that I spent 3 tries on last weekend and failed all 3#Picked it up again today and got it first try#Which was v surprising#Really wanting to get back to the social aspects though#Looking forward to getting to baulder's gate#Finishing up the under dark stuff#Hopefully got the last bit of the boss coming up!#Idk how we're getting to bg from here; but I'm looking forward to it!#I found the thing for the jarred brains and now I'm wondering if I've missed any? I think I sold a bunch to a merchant...#I wonder if I can find em again#Also looking forward to finding some armor for my tav(?) that's not a robe#Trying to find things for my female bodied drow to look masc in#And the robe I currently have is not flattering :(#Having darker dyes help; but still not ideal#I should share some pics of my tav sometime#My baby talfrin <3#I was so mad when isat came out and the protag was named siffrin#Kept getting these frin names mixed up :(
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Song of the Day: May 3
"Life Less Frightening" by Rise Against
#song of the day#'I don't ask for much / truth be told I'd settle / for a life less frightening'#another song that when I sing it alone it doesn't sound much like the original but I do so like to sing it#check me stirring my roux humming 'these lives we live test negative for happiness' sweetly to myself#today was Friday and I'm still trying to decide if I'm satisfied with the amount of work I got done this week#I suppose I'll have to be#I had my weekly report meeting and again the updates my boss asked for in the meeting were not the ones she asked me to prepare#so I split-screened her and delivered the prepared updates as I frantically opened and updated the new request#and then when she finished making politely falsely interested sounds (I'm not bitter I'm not I'm not) she asked again for the new update#and by then I had it ready! saved it as I brought up the share-screen and showed it to her#too frustrated in the moment to be properly proud of myself but now it's hours later and I'm feeling a little smug about it#little back-pats for me#I have something like a project timeline worked out for the idiot project#and I did some good work in the garden (nasturtium growing up the post under the bird feeder. very pleased it took the transplant so well)#and I sooooort of sorted the freezer stuff. kind of. mostly we ate the things I wanted to rearrange but I've got a plan for moving forward#the last non-work thing I'd really wanted to accomplish this week was getting my queue set up again here#I've gone through my drafts and done some prep but as you can see the queue isn't actually running again yet#hopefully I'll do that tomorrow. we'll see how it goes#the queue may have to wait until Sunday because I must confess if I can accomplish only one single solitary thing tomorrow#I would like it to be six hours of uninterrupted sleep. may it please the gods I shall rest tomorrow. blessed weekend#edit: wait wait I'm a fool I'm a fool I just typed 'May 3' and still I am a fool#it's May the Fourth!!#happy star wars day my loves if I don't get the queue up today after all#it's because I'm reshuffling everything because I've got a new influx of SW posts to distribute!!
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thank fucking god for weekends 🙏
#going to just fucking chill#get some coding done probably and hopefully figure out how to fix the random white space showing up lmao#thought it was funny that the centre guy asked if i had any plans for the weekend and i was just thinking ''...the weekdays ARE our plans''#like lmao the weekdays are the shit we do. the weekend is for recovering from it all#absolutely insane to me that this dude can work five days a week and do all this shit and still have energy to use on the weekend#like. when does he rest??? but then i realize normally ppl don't Need to rest the way we do lmfaooo rest in shit us i guess#imagine getting enough rest just from sleeping.... could not be me#imagine being able to do things three days in a row and not needing at least two days of literally nothing to recover#imagine not needing to lie down for like an hour at least once a day. goddamn !!!! no wonder ppl actually enjoy being alive !!#chase on the mic
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what are everyone’s weekend plans!!! 🥺❣️
#tell me all about it!!!#this is my rejog refresh reset weekend !!! hopefully i can fix everyth i wanna fix (like my sleep sched. anossnkszn)#gonna try to cook a lot… be productive! yeah…#write!!!!#might be slow in answering some asks!!! been getting an influx lately ianskxjd#ALSO!!! reached a new milestone recently!!! might do a mini event still am still doing the collab event w niku (we r working on it!!!) 🥺#but thank you so much for being here everyone !!! aaah#i talked so much again
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I will say while I've loved most of elden ring I'm really glad I'm down to just 2 more main boss fights (malenia + maliketh) before I start the endgame boss fights... whew 😮💨
#really gorgeous world but frankly its unnecessarily long. theyre gonna kill me for saying that but its true..#some areas/bosses just become overly repetitive when the game is THAT massive like its unavoidable#they tried rly hard to distinguish every area + honestly its a great effort but it couldve been half the size and just as good#like i just did the elphael ulcerative tree spirit bc i wanted to finish millicents questline. and come on man we didnt need another one#the design is sick + loooove the animation. but its a bad fight not bc of the difficulty but bc its janky as hell#lock on doesnt work properly bc of its size and the way it moves. u cant see shit on ur screen fighting them melee its just hack n slash#and theyre always in the most dogshit arenas possible for them like spaces w no maneuverability. its just not fuuuun#especially after youve fought 5 or 6 already earlier on in the game..#and its cool to have variations like the scarlet rot ones but we already HAD one of those just before lake of rot!! the gimmicks worn off#i did everything except maliketh in farum azula today as well and again. it didnt need to be that long. killing beastmen gets boring#after like the first 20 combat is just mashing buttons.. even the platforming is getting dull bc ive done 120 hours of it now#and theres only so many combinations of ladders and hallways and so on that u can possibly cram in here..#i say all this with fondness like i truly do love it. but it couldve been a lot tighter! regardless ill still 100% complete it#and i get most ppl dont try to get every single armament and talisman etc so they probably dont waste time FULLY exploring like i am#ahhh. anyway ill probably do malenia and maliketh tmr bc im right outside both of their arenas. and then call it quits this weekend#ill get my first ending next weekend probably... and hopefully by june ill have 100% and then i can play something else 😭#ik the dlc comes out in june but ill probably take a month or two break before i get to that#it doesnt even neeeed a dlc.......its excessive as it is just make a new game by this point ahhhhh#anyway its like 1am i need to SLEEP. i said i would go out to watch for northern lights but its overcast and im tired and my roommate#didnt wanna come with.. so i was gonna go to bed early instead but i guess that didnt happen lol#gonna feel like shit tomorrow bc i have to be up early to take my meds and she'll wake me up anyway.. but cross that bridge#typing is getting difficult bc im so sleepy okay goodnight everyone#.diaries
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i need friends /gen (slight rant in tags)
#xelle.txt#i noticed i don't really have a permanent circle of friends. at least irl#i have one online but they're also busy and i just can't dedicate my time to one friend group#i don't know - it's just the people i thought who were nice turned out to be the exact opposite#and when i found out about that i just kinda. lost interest in making any more friends#my partner is the only person i interact with on a daily basis. the irl friend group i was referring to earlier i'm not exactly close with-#-them either#i feel like if i didn't only give my time in nurturing my romantic relationship i would have done the same for my platonics too#that's still a problem of mine. my time management between love life and friends. heck i even got myself into an unsolvable problem because-#-of my inability to stay consistent#also my brain is kinda fried from reading 20+ pages so pardon any grammatical errors but yeah anyway#honestly i've been craving for interaction here. but i know i won't be active and it'd just be pointless#to gain more friends or followers. i don't exactly make content as consistently as i did before#the other day i had to vent to an ai (would you believe me if it was cha.tgpt) about my troubles because i had no one else to talk to lol#there's just so much going on irl 😭 ya girl's almost starting college and they're throwing so much tasks at us!!#and i feel very very stressed about it because they're usually done in groups i am ALWAYS the assigned leader#which gets exhausting especially when there are lazy members present#anyway#hopefully this weekend i get some time to cool off. but next week i'm back to grinding and working#lol i don't even think i'm in the top ranks anymore. i'm so burnt out.#this is what being an academic achiever gives you oops ZZHSIAHAHAJAHHS#imma sleep now 😭#idk you can just interact with me or recommend someone you know who self ships in the same medias i do#goodnight everypony 🫶#vent tw#rant tw
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"free verse and not having to rhyme or keep a meter in poetry makes writing poetry more accessible for anyone to write it" we are surrounded by rhymes and meters the stupidest pop song on the top 40 is riddled with rhymes and meters anyone can do that shit anyone can fucking rhyme
you can rhyme
i can rhyme
rhyming is
a real good time
there rhyming poem done and dusted a single word over one syllable and it took me 7 seconds. it's a stupid poem but guess what it's still a poem. anyone can write fucking rhymed and metered poetry and it's insulting 2 me that people are still up free verse's ass when rhyming is so much fun and artificial restrictions that you choose for yourself can sometimes make creativity bloom so much more effectively than if you're only ever doing notes app poetry and calling it good. try doing a rhyme sometime or searching out different poetry forms. for gods sakes. can we be done with instapoetry yet are we over it can we move on can we have a new thing
#i fucking love free verse. btw#there is nothing wrong with free verse it can be everything#but the fact that it can be everything means that it can very easily be nothing#and people think line breaks make a free verse poem and like. sure. but we can all see the lack of creative effort#and i just dont see how poetry that lacks creative effort is worth part of my one wild and precious life#like if you the poet cannot be assed to care. why should i. what are we communicating except lack of respect#for each other and for the artform#mythtakes#sorry i am going to take my meds now and go to sleep#and hopefully get a hard reset for the weekend#and for gods sakes again i am not trying to be some weird trad about poetry there has been mediocre poetry of all kinds for all of time#rhyming doesnt make a poem good meter doesnt make a poem good#but the like abandonment of rhyme in poetry These Days is such a loss to me personally and i don't know why were so afraid of it#havent we killed the beast of prescriptivism and formalism and pretension yet. why can't we do some rhymes again.#bebe rexha gets to rhyme ed sheeran gets to rhyme maroon 5 gets to rhyme. these idiots get to rhyme and poets dont???
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I had gotten some of the Valentine’s chocolate asks sent out yesterday, and I had meant to do more today but I’ve just been super exhausted. So instead I’m gonna try and get to as many of them as I can tomorrow! Sorry for the delay on those!
#; OOC || Bri ♟️#//There's also some other stuff in my own inbox that I've been meaning to respond to so hopefully I'll get around to those this weekend too.#//I'm just hoping this weekend I can muster up some more energy and get better sleep so I can!#//I'm wishing myself the best of luck
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in the ER for the second time this week. They put me in the stinky room 😒
#ANXIOUS!#I’M GONNA DIE!#been told I’m getting some Ativan to take home so I’m thankful.#my anxiety has been SO bad this past week#full blown panic throughout the day#and I’m so hungry and dehydrated but haven’t been able to stomach eating or drinking#although… gosh I did have an awesome burger last night. that was the only good thing I’ve eaten all week.#can’t afford to only eat hamburgers tho#so… gonna go home from here eventually. take some meds. try to sleep.#this room stinks and has a bunch of junk in it#they had me pee in a portable urinal instead of letting me do my urine test in the bathroom 😒#the nurses were super nice tho#I’m so on edge#I feel so pathetic#I’m scared to go home and feel the panic again#I just want to sleep and feel better#I told the doctor they gave me .5 Ativan last time and he scoffed at how small that amount was#but hopefully the script gets filled and it’s not a billion dollars and I can make it to Wednesday#where also hopefully my doctor will give me a longer prescription for something#I’m gonna beg him#I’ll suck your dick dude. I’ll do whatever. I just don’t want to feel that panic anymore.#it’s been a whole lotta me saying ‘I know I should have done this sooner but I didn’t and now I’m fucked. help me.’#THIS being getting back on meds and going back to therapy and on and on#but here we are. it’s been the weekend.#can’t schedule shit on the weekend#just gotta call everyone when I can tomorrow and hope they all can see me soonish#gosh…. ER trip Thursday night and then primary can’t see me until a week later. sucks butts.#too much rambling. good distraction. sorry to bother you.#you can ignore this#text
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.
#someone please invent a magic bullet for depression#i hate feeling like this and i hate myself#I'm sad and lonely and constantly stressed out#and you're not even allowed to be sad you have to pretend you're happy#im so tired#i was also volunteered to make a cake this weekend which ok but i dont even think there's the right flour#but hey it's like my mom always says can you at least try to act happy youre making everyone miserable#sorry kinda went on a rant there#which i guess is the point but still#im probably going to try to get some sleep and hopefully feel better in the morning
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Song of the Day: March 19
"Let Me Drown" by Orville Peck
#song of the day#oh talk about a big-voice song! I can't quite do it justice but it is damn good to sing#did work on a bunch of not-work things today even though I have a big tricky project I have to give an official update on for Friday#but it's so much more fun to plan my garden and talk to Duncan about setting up a paludarium for the bullfrog he wants to keep#I'm going to have to tell my boss that I /can/ do what she wants but I don't think it'll help with any of the things she wants it for#and aaaahhhh she's not gonna like that. she's not gonna like that at all. I don't want to have that conversation#anyway I'm gonna plant my peas on Thursday! spring coming to save my life#going to the pet store hopefully this weekend to get a filter system so the water in Duncan's tank can start cycling#gonna trim down my spiderwort and see if I can't get some of the cuts to root by the time the tank's ready for live plants#plans! projects! I made palak paneer for dinner tonight and it was good. someday soon I'll sleep! and then Friday I will talk to my boss!#because if I don't do my job then I won't have any money and then I won't be able to afford plants and frog rocks and then we all cry
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