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damistrolls · 2 years

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ummm lots of emojis for magpie duh, 💤 🥞 🍧 🍁 ☀️ 🌌 🪤 ✂️ 💡 🔧 🚆 💙💚

💤 do they fall asleep easily? what helps them sleep?

oh yeah he's an easy sleeper, made even easier when he's got someone to hold onto, be it lupo, lekthi, or one of his other friends. hell, give him a pillow or stuffed animal to hug and it has the same effect. he just sleeps 10x better when hes cuddling

🥞 what is their comfort breakfast?

well, there are plenty of breakfasts he really likes, but his comfort one would have to be chocolate chip pancakes. theyre so simple but so cozy and sweet

🍧 do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

i dont think magpie has anything that's super significant to him, but he definitely does have a LOT of old stuff, mostly cause he doesnt really throw things out. hes not a hoarder, it just doesnt occur to him that he should throw things away, cause he's never really had to clean any of it. theres all types of junk in his room, from toys and notebooks to actual literal junk that his ravens brought him. i dont think he'd even notice if something went missing!

honestly i feel bad for lekthi because magpie will probably start filling the guy's home with random stuff he finds too. theyre gonna need to have a sit down about only keeping important things

🍁 what is their favourite season? why?

i think he genuinely loves every season. each of them are special for their own individual reasons. if he HAD to pick though, i think he'd pick spring, both for what it represents, and because it's a rainy season. he absolutely loves going outside when its raining and jumping around like he's never seen rain before sgdfhjdsf

☀️ are they a morning person? what is the first thing they do in the morning?

sort of? he likes getting up early, but he's usually very slow to actually wake up. funny enough, the first thing he does is usually look for something to eat, even though he hasn't even washed the sleep out of his eyes yet

🌌 what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

youtube

THIS song is the reason magpie is here today. it's basically his theme, and the singer, vitas, is also his voiceclaim. the music video being about a fish guy is kinda funny though because magpie originally started as a human, so its actually MORE fitting for fantroll magpie

anyways, the first thing i decided about him is that he would be unapologetically himself, no matter how much it inconvenienced or even hurt other people. it was weirdly a joint effort between me and my old therapist, cause i was extremely ashamed of and overly apologetic about essentially everything about myself, including the mere fact that i existed. magpie could go to extremes in a way that i could and would never, and it genuinely did help me be more okay with... like. existing, taking up space, and yes sometimes even inconveniencing others

not to get overly vulnerable on a silly little ask meme, but magpie helped me in a really significant way, and he means a lot to lil ol me <3

🪤 - what will always lure them into certain danger? a loved one in danger? a promise of something they are always searching for?

i mean, magpie would happily walk straight into certain danger without prompting anyways, since he's got like... a way different metric for what's dangerous than everyone else. so honestly, giving him any sort of reason or incentive is overkill. if you point to a pit of spikes and say 'you should go there' i think he wouldn't be like 'you know that DOES sound fun'

✂️ what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

it really depends how long he's known someone, and how close they've gotten. for newer friends, magpie will quite literally cut them out of his life (like with some actual scissors snip snip) as soon as they stop being interesting or fun to have around, or as soon as the killing urge takes him over

for people who have managed to stick around long enough to become dear to him, i dont really think there's much that'll make him drop you. except like, if he wins when he's making one of his regular attempts on their life, but then he'd be extremely depressed to see them go :(

💡 is your oc a planner? do they write down every small detail or just wing it?

he plans out things like his performances very meticulously, but for basically everything else, he's spontaneous and unpredictable. it's in his nature to just go where the wind takes him

🔧 are they good at fixing relationships? or do they tend to avoid doing so?

id like to think he is. he's very intent on finding what the problem is and doing his best to either fix it or find a workable compromise. and even if there's no good solution, he's a very emotionally available person and will absolutely hear someone out and sympathize with their plight. in my experience, its kind of hard to stay upset with someone who is that good at communicating and genuinely just wants everyone involved to be happy

🚆 what is their answer to the trolley problem?

i think hes just happy he gets to be in the metaphorical trolley. i dont think he even realizes its an ethical puzzle, like you'd ask him what he'd do and he'd just be like 'hm... can i make it go faster?'

💙 do they miss their s/o easily? how do they act when their s/o isn't around?

weeeeell he technically doesnt have a s/o, but we both know he treats lupo and lekthi like he's dating them so i'll answer with them in mind

i think he's pretty good at entertaining himself, but that he still doesnt really like being alone. he tends to miss lekthi and lupo, as well as everyone else important to him, in the off-chance they're not around. when he's on his own, he'll usually take the opportunity to get something done that might be harder when he's around people, like reading, writing, or practicing music. still, he's a social butterfly, and will typically find a way to at least be in the same space as someone he cares about, even if they're not actively engaging with one another

💚 what things make your oc feel comforted? hugs, kisses, food?

i think he's less comforted by specific actions, and more comforted by just... general effort put towards him. if you show him you care in your own way, no matter what way that is, he'll probably be very comforted. any and all love languages will make him so comfy cozy because to him, the intent matters more than anything else in a situation like that

#magpie #ask meme #sorry this is so LONG i have a lot to say about my boy

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papakhan · 3 years

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Some brief headcanons:

I lowkey think theres a sort of unwritten "code of honor/code of ethics" amongst Khans. Like you don't attack children or elderly, etc. Bitter-Roots dad was a notable exception and it's also likely his parents weren't even well-liked in their own tribe.

Khans, Vipers, and Jackals have previously worked together in the past if the payoff was worth it to take down a well-protected caravan, or a raid a large village, etc. It's been mostly uneasy alliances in the past and they usually avoided each other.

Marriages in a lot of the tribes were political, e.g you married into a tribe, they're allies in battle/harvest/trade. Polygamy was especially encouraged for smaller tribes who wanted to grow their numbers and ensure as many allies as possible. The Khans occasionally practiced it, but it's fallen out of favor significantly.

When a Khan child is born, protective charms, amulets and rituals are given to the parents. Papa Khan has carved many of these over the years, with many adult Khans still wearing them out of respect and belief they offer protection.

I like these!! Thank you so much for sending them in I always love to hear your thoughts!! Absolutely hard agree on the thing with Bitter-Root's parents, I can't remember who it was who had a hc about Bitter Root's dad being a former New Khan and that being the only reason he was tolerated but thats what I believe.

I also like that in the cut Child at Heart perk lines from the kids at the Bitter Springs refudgee camp they call Oscar Velasco like "the funny man with the spiked helmet who visits the graveyard at night" which says to me that he's made himself absolutely no threat to them. You can't tell me that he doesn't Notice that he's being watched by small children while visiting the graves of his fellow Khans, and going by how he doesn't even Know it's a refudgee camp until the courier tells him, but he still doesn't hurt the kids even though he probably assumed they were just "frontier brats" says a lot too. A very different sniper to Bitter Root's father for sure.

ALSO About the Khans/Vipers/Jackals working together! I for sure talked to @thespiral about this! I think that a lot of NCR prisoners, the ones who didn't stick around to be Powder Gangers, were raiders, mostly Khans/Vipers/Jackals but others as well, since Jessup talks about doing "12 years hard labour" for being caught in NCR territory. I wrote a lot so I'll make it a seperate post.

Last hc i actually adore. brb giving Sasha a protective amulet,,, I do really love the idea of just. dozens of Khans with these little trinkets Papa made for them. Maybe he knows they don't do anything, but he also knows that it makes them more confident and assured, so keeps it up :')

#thank you so much!!#aetheravis #great khans #falloutfun #headcanons #txt #fave

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everafterkeiji · 3 years

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Song: Car Window by Thomas Headon

Summary: After the memorable defeat of Aoba Johsai to Karasuno, Iwaizumi meets his lover at an uncanny moment.

Pairings: Hajime Iwaizumi x fem! reader

Word count: 3.7k

Genre: fluff

A/N: PART 2 IS COMING FOR THE KATSUKI ONE MY MIND IS JUST HELLA CONFUSED AND IWA HAS BEEN INVADING MY THOUGHTS

It's quite hilarious how life can reward your dullest moments with an unexpected blessing. A few people have experienced such a thing, sometimes the blessing comes in success or a present from somebody you longed for.

Usually, 60 seconds were easy to endure and its a time you'd like to pass by too quickly knowing what magic or milestone was bound to happen in such a short time anyway? Though there are times where it feels like it holds much more seconds especially when you're working out or either in a really long meeting you hated.

Then again, who are you to underestimate the endless possibilities that were to happen in that time span? Maybe you'd receive a random lottery ticket and you know, you can win or even have the chance to meet a celebrity.

But what could have possibly prepared Iwaizumi for the best 60 seconds of his life?

Here he was, sulking in the sorrow that was brought to his team by the defeat of the match between them and Karasuno, the ticket to nationals slipped away from their fingers. Who was to deny the tears they've shed once they entered the bus, it was their safe space to lean on each other and they spent the rest of the ride comforting each other. All throughout the bus you could hear sniffles and Oikawa trying to hold his team together.

Iwaizumi was seated next to the open window as he listens to Oikawa being the encouraging captain he is, the setter grasps the heart of the team feeling comfort in a while, even Iwa admitted that his friend brought him back to the light.

He had his earphones in, enough of the silly comments his seatmate, Oikawa, has made. He has his arm leaned on the little edge of the window, with his chin resting on his forearm. His eyes desperately wanted to close from his previous crying but he fears once he closes his eyes he'd be brought back to the moment where the ball wasn't saved, to the doubt that floods his mind wondering if he even deserves to be their ace. Gladly with the help of Tooru, this thought was dismissed and now all that Iwaizumi was doing was staring at the sight in front of him.

He takes this time to reflect on what he could do to enhance what he lacked during that match. He wonders if his reaction time was too slow or the power in each spike was unbalanced. Did he even trust himself completely when he played? If he didn't, why did he think it was the right time to question his abilities when there was something at stake?

He sighs to himself as he removes his earphones, knowing not even music was helping him ease his mind. Oikawa has fallen asleep beside him, the setters head leaning on Iwaizumis back. Even if he wanted to push away the boys head, he knew Oikawa was tired of putting on his composed captain facade, so he let the poor boy rest.

Then he hears blaring music from the car opposite to him making his head come upward a bit as he glares at the car, disturbing his triumph at peace. A red light comes on and he rolls his eyes thinking of how he was going to sustain the noise.

But then, that's where he wished 60 seconds lasted forever.

Right before him was the noisy car with one window open revealing a sight that makes his heart flutter and his mind frantically running in circles. He sees a girl with her eyes closed singing her lungs out while she finishes the note with a smile and a giggle, once she opens them, the afternoon light beaming down on her delightful orbs enhancing it's hues, even giving her skin a glass like finish with how healthy it looked, her cheeks painted a shade of pink that were like the flowers that reminded him of Valentine's.

And then these stunning pair of eyes, landed on his love struck ones.

He feels the way his heart registers how lucky he was to gaze at such beauty, like a sunset with all the delightful colors or the overall atmosphere of spring, the feeling of it being so foreign to him but nevertheless, he accepts this new found giddy feeling. He watches how she leans her cheek on her hand and maybe then he should've felt the way cupid's bows ran through him so easily.

Unfortunately, the panic sets in.

With such grace was ahead of him, he worried about his own sake. He wonders if his hair looked presentable, and didn't portray how stressed he was because of the game. He wished he didn't look shiny from all the sweat and tears. He suddenly feels the urge to rummage through his bag and comb his hair and fix his appearance, Oikawa would've teased him for acting so foolish for the girl. But what else can he do?

Admiration and relationships wasn't included in his dictionary since the only thing he looked forwards to was volleyball and his studies. Being in a situation where he wasn't able to act quickly with how flustered he was, brought him down completely. He knew in his games that whatever he did would affect the team in multiple ways but he counted on his teammates so that every action would be returned with a positive outcome.

Now is the opposite.

This could have so many outcomes. Maybe one second there'd be a guy beside her wrapping his arm around her and flipping him off for looking, then theres rejection lingering in the air. Maybe she wasn't into guys? Maybe she has a specific standard and that he wasn't hitting her expectations? Possibly just gotten of a relationship and wasn't interested in dating right away?

Oh god, you've got to stop. He thinks to himself.

A tiny encounter made his mind collapse with so many ideas. He couldn't even mutter a word to her, then his mind leads him to think it'd quickly lead to dating, god maybe even a relationship. He's had zero idea on what her name is so how can he come to conclusions so quickly? He knows he needed to stop asking these unanswerable questions before he could mess up his first attempt to converse with her.

Then with a gentle smile from this gorgeous stranger, he feels the warmth that surrounds him as he returns the smile to her as if it was an instinct. After that he settles for a tiny breakdown, confused to why he did that.

He turns his head to the light noticing how 15 seconds were only left out of this encounter. Hastily, he wanted to ask for her name or at least build up the courage to shout what he wanted to say, though he was left utterly speechless. He couldn't possibly gain that high of an esteem to just speak out to a stranger without blurting out how attractive he found her to be.

But he needed to try or else this moment was bound to be something he'd regret.

"Iwa-chan!"

Oikawas voice surprised him as the setter stretches with a smile on his lips, from the movement he lets his arm rest on the aces shoulder making Iwaizumi panic and irritated at the loss of time.

Meanwhile the young girl continues to stare at the man who has held his gaze the entire time they were there. You see the way his features were all amazingly sculpted, every crevice, every inch, to say that he was handsome was an understatement. Judging from his attire, you could tell he was an athlete, also with how the bags from behind him was shown. You also saw his reaction to meeting you and you wished he didn't see yours.

You felt embarassed when he saw you sing, you weren't ready to face a boy like that and to think that you gave off such a random first impression. You hated the way the sun was shining on you making you think it showed the harsh texture of your skin, not to mention how blinded your eyes were after it. You were flustered to say the least but your eyes couldn't dare to leave his.

Something about him was so pleasing. It makes you come up with dozens of scenarios to who this boy was. Is a girlfriend involved? Is he the type of boy you'd read on a novel? You smile to yourself at how silly the idea was. Usually in novels, movies or books, each meeting was distinct than the other. There are always the unique encounters, then there are the completely weird ones but for you this was somewhat the sweetest thing you've stumbled upon.

Although maybe falling in love under a red light wasn't always the ideal, to the two of you it seemed to fit.

You see brown locks behind him and this makes the pretty boy show a shocked reaction. Shit, is that his boyfriend? You thought. Your eyes lock with this new figure and he happily waves at you catching you off guard. You wave awkwardly, anxious of who this man was.

"Gosh you are incredibly pretty but alas this man likes you, his name is Iwa-"

The vehicle speeds off before he could even finish his sentence. Iwaizumi turns to the setter as Oikawa trembles in fear as he feels flames surround him, the anger irradiating from the spiker. Oikawa lets out a scream as Iwa leaves a smack to the boys head as Tooru whines caressing his throbbing head from the pain. Iwaizumi sinks in his seat, letting the emotions course through him making his lips form a line.

Too many things happened all at once. Oikawa basically hitting on her but suddenly half introducing him? How did he even know? She's gone, he thinks. He lets out a displeased sigh shaking his head while biting his lip, disliking how embarassment and regret was mixing perfectly. He hated how Oikawa had the chance to even talk to her before their chances were dust. Oikawa even managed to let out a compliment he wanted to say but the words were taken from him.

"I'm sorry okay! Don't hit me again please!" Oikawa begs as Iwaizumi lets out a scoff as the setter takes in his expressions. Slumped in his chair with arms crossed at his chest, eyebrows furrowed, and a familiar twist to his lips when he was frustrated in a game. Oikawa chuckles slightly connecting the pieces from the previous events.

"So what? You've lost the love of your life, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa teases making Iwaizumi raise a hand as Oikawa dodges it using his bag as a shield. He thought it was just a coincidence before. He woke up when Iwaizumi was plotting his approach and he happened to catch a glimpse of the two staring at each other like nothing else mattered. He questions if Iwaizumi was actually serious of his feelings for a stranger but when he sees the genuine smile that he gives her, he was surprised.

With an unforgiven action, he just chose to try to introduce him knowing Iwa would've never done it as fast as he could. Although in Iwaizumis eyes, Oikawa flirted with her but in reality he just wanted to help knowing maybe someday, this encounter would bring him happiness. Even if the girl would be miles away, he knew that the impact of them meeting was something that would cloud Iwaizumis thoughts on a daily.

Oikawa notices how Iwaizumi would inspect every face in the street or crowd just to find the girl his eyes have fallen in love with. There were many unsuccessful times where he's mistaken her for someone else and he despises it. Oikawa thinks about how he can help his poor teammate and a bulb appears above his head as he continuously taps the spikers shoulder.

"Have you ever considered a dating app, Iwa-chan?" Iwaizumi blushes at the question but he shakes his head as Tooru takes Iwa's phone and ran to a corner unlocking it. Iwaizumi rushes to find him as Oikawa lets out a gasp and a cackle. The spiker finds him and immediately grabs him by the collar of his shirt yet the setter couldn't careless.

"WHAT IS IT YOU DINGBAT."

"Seems like you're the one who's a step ahead of me, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa exclaims making Iwaizumi furrow his eyebrows but once his eyes settle on the dating app that was open from his phone, heat rushes to his cheeks shading it pink. He puts down Oikawa with a shove before pulling his phone away from the boy.

"So what.." He whispers as Oikawa lets out another laugh, wiping his eyes. Iwaizumi hids the phone in his pocket, locking it. He continues to walk leaving a sigh as Oikawa runs to catch up with him.

"Well don't be shy now. Any success?" Oikawa asks, trying to ease down his playful tone. Iwaizumi turns his head to him, before huffing in defeat.

"Nothing. No one can ever come close to her."

"Maybe she's trying to find you too?" Iwaizumi lets out a scoff. He wished it was true. He didn't think he was the type to be memorable, the guy you'd find yourself dreaming of. He thought he was a mere average boy and that there was always going to be someone better. He desperately wants to meet you but are you really putting effort like he is?

Was it just him who felt a connection?

They weren't put in a universe where it was easy to find your soulmate. The moment where everything fits perfectly wasn't always guaranteed in their situation. Why did they have to meet at a red light? They could've met at a cafe after his practice so he didn't need to worry about the time or how he was going to approach her. He swore if ever he met her properly again, there'd be no hesitation.

For you, you've also searched for this boy. Only hearing a fraction of his name so you couldn't really play detective with a tiny lead. Although the boy that complimented looked familiar, but maybe you were just mistaken? You've downloaded multiple dating apps like him but whenever there was a match, they never looked like the pretty boy you saw. You would recognize him from anywhere knowing his features were very much embedded in your memory. If only their bus hadn't sped off too quickly, maybe then you would've gotten his name. Although his name might just be a crumb in your way to find him.

"He can't be any better than me, that I'm sure of." Your little brother exclaims as he flips the magazine page. You sighed resting your cheek and chin on the palm of your hand as you watch your brother curse the man on the magazine. You tilt your head, curious to the envy he had. Your brother was well into volleyball and he usually asks for you to buy him the latest volleyball magazine so he could look up to whoever was on it but his overconfident comments had you laughing every time.

Once your eyes landed on the page, you sat up immediately grabbing the magazine and holding it close to yourself.

Oikawa Tooru. You read.

You take in the way he looks and then you specifically remembered a certain face. Your eyes widen in realization that this was the man who complimented you. The man that could lead you to him. Your eyes scan all the trivia about the well known player and finally finding the team and school he was on. Aoba Johsai.

You immediately grab your phone, typing furiously searching for the said school. You click on their website seeing the latest news about the school. There was a certain article that had an eye catching picture.

It was a group photo of their volleyball team and your eyes landed on Oikawa himself, founding out that he was the captain of this successful team also being a setter. As your eyes scanned through every member, your heart nearly dropped when you saw him. There he was stood next to two other members, smirking at the camera. Like a fool, you let out a squeal, exhilarated that you've found him. You scrolled further finally knowing the names of each member.

Iwaizumi Hajime.

You smile to yourself as you read his name, finding it pretty the way it suited him. You read that he was a spiker and so called ace in the team. With this found information, your heart was jumping in different directions. Your mind was bringing up multiple scenarios of seeing him in his element and that makes heart bubbles appear behind you.

How perfect. You think.

You knew the location of the school and you wonder if it was right to visit. You tried to push back the idea of rejection but maybe it was a sign for you to stop assuming and acting all stalkery. You let go of your phone, pacing around the room deciding on the better option. Visit him and get your hopes up when he doesn't even miss you or visit him and end up having the chance you both missed. Too many what ifs and what abouts rushed through your mind, but trying isn't a bad thing to do.

"I'm so fucking dumb, I can't believe myself."

You groan to yourself as you walk around. You gained the courage to finally visit Aoba Johsai, where your little volleyball prince was attended at. Unfortunately, your lack of understanding directions brought you to this poor situation making you look like a lost puppy, desperate to call for help but the thought of people judging you just because you were lost haunts you.

You grew more and more impatient as time passes, counting on your phone as a GPS but honestly nothing was working when your brain couldn't comprehend how you got lost when you followed the directions. You sigh in annoyance.

You took the time today to look as good as you can make yourself, ready to face him. Yet when everything was all set for you, it went downhill just because of some directions. You shut your phone off, frustrated the way the voice kept repeating where to turn. So you run your fingers through your soft hair as you decided to move on your own.

"So where do you wanna eat?" Oikawa asks as he stretches while walking. Iwaizumi lets out a yawn as he gives the boy a shrug as a response. Oikawa checks on his phone scrolling to look at some places they've yet to eat at. Iwaizumi inspects his bags if he's packed everything. He notices his water bottle was missing and he mutters that he would be right back, going back to the gym to retrieve his bottle. Oikawa hears nothing though as he giggles at the compliments his fans have left him.

You bend down tying your shoes as a stranger passes by. You stood right up dusting off the dirt in your knees. As the universe gasps, realizing that the person who went pass you was Iwaizumi himself. Yet they didn't bother to make ends meet as you two walk in different directions.

Oikawa raised his cellphone trying to get a decent angle as he checks himself through it. The lighting was perfect for him and once he was about to snap the photo he notices a person behind him. His eyes widen as his looks at you as you fiddle with your bag. Oikawa sets down the phone as he turns to you with his mouth open. His head turns frantically, trying to search for Iwaizumi. It's her. Oikawa thinks. He takes a good look at you once more just so he can confirm his thoughts if you were truly the girl Iwaizumi was talking about. He found himself familiar at your features as you took a turn, escaping his presence not even knowing Oikawa was stood a few inches away from you.

Oikawa couldn't hold himself together as he lets out a laugh. After it, he turns to the sky with an amused smile before speaking.

"Ah, you're too funny. I'll let them find themselves."

Out of all the chances they gave you, the two of you were at the same place but was running around each other.

You let out a whine as you see a figure walking with his back facing you, seeing the jacket that the team had on one of the pictures you browsed. You let out a sigh before wiping away the sweat you had on your face, freshening up your appearance. Giving up and finally allowing people to help you, you approach this tall figure, tapping them gently on the shoulder.

"Hello! I-I'm sorry, I just wanted to ask where the Aoba Johsai gym is? I got pretty lost." You says with a light chuckle as the person turns around, revealing the man you've endlessly searched for.

Both of your eyes enlarged at the sight of each other, such at a close proximity as you both scan each others faces, making sure if this was finally the reality they longed for.

It's you.

"H-hajime Iwaizumi?"

Iwaizumi eyebrows furrow, curious to how you found out but this leaves a smile on his lips loving the way it escaped through your mouth. His eyes gave out a soft glance before nodding and extending his hand out.

Your eyes dragged down as you stare at his hand that was deeply waiting for yours. You look up at him once more before smiling with tinted cheeks.

"That's me, and you are?"

"I'm Y/N."

"Nice to finally meet you, pretty red light girl." You blush even more as Iwaizumi lets out a chuckle before you shook his hand, both hearts meeting, as fate was sealed once your hands met. Some might say that Cupid stared at the two of you, relieved you both found your way to each other.

Oikawa turns to look at the two of them as he leans on the wall, shaking his head with a sly smirk.

"Fate huh?"

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mega-bastard · 3 years

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i was kidnapped by shiratorizawa ?!?!?!?!

this was painful to write, but like a masochist I did it anyway. this is my part of the the first Whorehouse Collab, located here. Finally getting back into writing fanfics since like 2015, this was oddly therapeutic.

I wrote this under the influence of magic grass after binging several wattpad fics, enjoy at your own risk-- by which I mean laugh alongside me LMAO

The ending is sososo rushed, in true wattpad fashion <3 this was 1.3K words of nonsense

When I woke up today, I didn’t think I’d end up in such a bind— bindings to be more specific. I’m just your average little miss no one, another everyday student easily lost in the in the crowd. Wearing glasses and being like super shy does that to u, yknow?

Now, blindfolded and tied up, I can’t help but wonder just how someone so unnoticeable had gotten snatched up so suddenly— perhaps that was had why you were taken (insert Liam neeson voice: I will find you, and I will kill you hehe >:3). Now, with the full throb in my head beginning to subside— I started to recount what had bringed me into such s predicament

~ rewind to earlier in the day ~

I’d only just waked up when I received a text from my best friend mina (bnha wink wonk) gushing about or schools volleyball match— to say she was crazy in love aoba Joshuas volleyball team would be selling it crazily underwhelmed. Especially their captain, oikawa tooru ! Most of our school did, but I was really observant of the people around me— he gives me weird vibes, like he puts on an act or something. But still, I keep that thoght to myself so no one comes for me. Seriously, he’s got fans like a Kpop star (a/n haha stan bts for clear skin uwu)

Either way, her dragging me to a volleyball game is nothing new— and as she’s blowing my messages up like the world is ending I know what to expect this coming afternoon. What a pain, I had planned on watching naruto when I got home today :(

There was no telling Mina no, so when we enviably met to walk to school I was well aware I’d be attending the volleyball match today. Boring, but I’d manage— I don’t care much for sports but sweaty and muscley men are finer than fine, I’d at least have spank bank material hehe (a/n not to whore on main buuuuuut ;3).

The day flew by and suddenly I found my self seated on the stands, waiting for the game to begin. Mina was chatting away, so when the urge to go to the bathroom came I simply got up and left— I wouldn’t get a word in edgewise, everyone always runs at the mouth and I can never get a word in as a result.

Not paying attention on my way to the bathroom, I suddenly shivered— feeling watched. I looked up from staring at the floor and was brought face to face with...the Shiratorizawa Volleyball Team ?!?! At the head was the tank of a captain, japans number one ace Ushijima Wakayoshi (a/n a whole snack yumyum) was indomitable and a scary man to be faced with. Ushijima was still as fierce as ever; I say that because we’d gone to middle school together— we never spoke or anything like that but we’d been in the same classes. He scrutinized my small form with impassive olive eyes, I felt rooted in place at such a state.

I shook myself from my little reverie and quickly scurried off, heart beating a mile a minute. “ just find the bathroom and head back to Mina “ I murmured to myself, finally finding the bathroom after rounding a corner. The feeling of being watched finally lifting.

After using the bathroom and began to head back, I could hear someone...singing something? I began to head towards it out of curiosity, peeking around a corner to see a tall red haired guy and a grey haired guy— they were wearing the same uniform so they must also be a part of the team as well! Lost in my thoughts, I was only briefly able to dick away before the red haired guy turned around to where I was peeking.

Ok seriously, let’s head back ‘ I thought before scurrying back to Mina— who grilled me on my absence before becoming entranced in the starting game. I stayed on my phone for the most part, reading one direction fanfic— with the phone screen down waaay low (a/n who else has done this before ???). Id peek every now and again to watch, at one point catching the eye of the tall red head— a chill ran down my spin at his impish smile that I looked away immediately.

He was...cute. In a scary way.

A sudden hush flew across the crowd and I looked up in time to see oikawas serve hit clean across the net, received by some guy with brown hair before being set by some twat with shitty hair (a/n shirabus a twat, their I said it >:/) before the ball was spiked back with a force unmatched.

That was Match point. Shiratorizawa wins.

The air is oppressive, oikawas fan girls— mina included, are wailing. That’s my cue to exit, bidding a mina goodbye I began my way down the hail, the rush of the court fading into background.

Then suddenly, rushing feet and the crack of something hard against my skull.

Darkness consumed me.

~ back to the present ~

Now back to the hear and now, I hear murmerings-- voices I don’t recognize. I try to listen, try to focus in on their voices but I can’t as the throbbing in my skull takes my focus away. A whimper escapes me, and a silence sweeps across wherever I am like a breeze-- it’s scary.

“haha, is she awake?” it’s the sing=songy voice from before-- the red head probably then? I know I needed to say something, anything, but I was still to disoriented. The sound of shoes nearing me immeadiatly set me off, beginning to wiggle and move before I was held still vision suddenly assaulted with brightness as my blindfold is redmoved.

Standing before, me in all their glory, is the Shiratorizawa volleyball team??

It looks like I’m being held in...an empty dorm room? I’m trying to gather my bearings and cannot figure what to possibly ay before being yanked up harshly from a laying position. It’s the red head holding me up, wicked smile and everything as he crouches in front of me before opening his mouth.

“ You belong to us now, got it~” his voice is too cheery given the words he’s just said to me (a/n tendou owns my heart and soul <3333 ), and only now does my voice find me. “ B-but w-why m-m-me ? You c-can’t j-just do t-that, please just let me g-g-g-g-g-g-go !” by the time I finish blubbering, theres tears streaming down my cheeks like rushing rivers. Through my lashes, I look pitifully around at everyone-- landing on an umcomfortble looking kid with a bowl cut, but he looks away as soon as i stare up at him.

no, no ,no nononono no ones going to help me. the tears fall puddle on the floor, only growing in speed when ushijima speaks. “ You’ll be transfering here, become our manager, and be staying in this dorm room-- it’s already been settled” (a/n idk I’d be p happy to be shiratorizawa’s manager uwu) his voice is deep and leaves no room for any back talk, but my stomach drops at his next sentence “Semi, put it on her’ my head whips up, starring doe eyed at the grey haired guy from before as he approaches with...IS THAT A COLLAR AND LEASH??? (a/n insert debby ryan face)

my face heats up, embarrassed and ashamed at the idea of being collared like an animal. I try to wiggle away, annoying Semi, “Tendou hold her still damnit!” at that Tendou-- the red head, grips my face with one hand to keep me still, gripping it hard enough that hes smushing my cheeks (a/n tendou, t e n d o u, loml, how I cherish thee) . He mutters a quiet cute, so faint I think I’m hearing things, before the tightening of the collar breaks me from that train of thought. With that done, I’m released, falling to my hands and knees staring up at the entire team now gathered before me.

A tug on the leash tugs me forward without much effort, and the tears spring up once more at the humiliation.

“This is gonna be fun~”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ok so I hoped you guys loved it <3 I’ll try my best to get out weekly updates, next chap I’m thinking I either focus on how ushijima and reader-chan actually do know eachother, shirabu and semi fiighting of reader-chans attention, or maybe tendou and reader-chan getting into trouble while draggin goshiki into it! SOund off in the comments and let me know what you think ?? anyway love you guys sm <33333

#SHBNIOKSM?S #I feel ill after this #but in the best way <3 #I feel so wrong writing them this way LOL #Is ok #crackfic #kidnapped by haikyuu #miki mouse whorehouse collab #shiratorizawa x reader

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somuch-4-stardust · 3 years

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can i hear about all three!!!!

YES YES YESYESY!!!

(also u dont have to read these they r very long but thank u for asking :DDD i really really liked ranting abt em :D! i love youuu)

okaokaokyoakyokay we r starting w frogs!!! frog fun fact (sorta)!!! dyeing poison dart frog range in many different colors/patterns!! they r black n yellow and blue mainly, but the amount of each color changes n there r poison dart frogs that r dyeing frogs that r just black n white!! i think the black n white ones r very neat bc they look like ghost frogs to me :D n i like ghosts (there r actual ghost frogs tho! idk much abt them but theres one thats like. a glass frog [which r clear/white frogs! u can see their internal organs n stuff!! don look em up if ur squimish tho)] but green??? so kinda a green translucent boi??? n their eyes r cool i think? idk! but theres another type of ghost frog thats like. Camouflage Colors TM [dark green n brown n stuff] but they have a see-through belly i think??)

AND THEN MLP WE R ACTUALLY TALKING ABT MLP:EG!! equestria girls :DDDDAND U MY DEAREST DEMON WILL BE GETTING A SUMMARY OF ALL FOUR MOVIES!! no okay that would be too long we r doing only the first one (i am so sorry aasdfnas;df)

i think first we have Just Equestria Girls (it might have an actual name but it might not idk i dont remember) iz the first one!! honestly i dont remember why but twilight sparkle (the pony) and spike (her dragon sidekick/best friend/pet???) make a portal that takes them into the human world! twilight becomes human and spike becomes a puppy! they go to a school called canterlot high (for the life of me i cannot remember why they go to the Human World or why they feel the need to attend high school but THEY DO!!!) n they meet the rest of the mane six!! (fluttershy, rainbow dash, rarity, applejack, and pinkie pie) who r not to be confused with the Pony Mane Six who r still ponys and did not come w Pony But Now Human Twilight thru the portal! these mane six (or??? mane six minus twilight ig alskdfnsd) are humans n have always been humans. they r unaware of the pony world. (alternatively, the ponies did not know about the human world until now) n e ways! twilight befriends the Human Mane Six (which now thinking about it??? is a little weird??? considering she has her own Pony Mane Six. idk lkansdfasdf) n they. what do they do. OH OHOHOHOHO THEYRE TRYING TO HELP TWILIGHT WIN spring fling queen??? homecoming queen??? Queen Of A School Dance/Event!! BECAUSE THE LIKE. Event Queen CROWN IS TWILIGHTS CROWN WHICH CONTAINS HER MAGICAL JEWEL THING!!! i do not remember how it got into the human world but thats why she came bc iz a really important magic jewel n stuff so she needs it back :D n to do that she needs to win Event Queen to get it!! (i dont remember why she doesn't just steal it ig that would be a bad example to kids) the problem is she has to win against Sunset Shimmer (and the crowd goes wild! sunset is a fan favorite :D shes pretty cool! but evil rn so u cant like her yet >:[ ) who's won Event Queen for the past few years! shes really mean n popular n stuff and everyone in the school is divided by groups (jocks preps nerds etc etc) bc everyone's afraid of each other (which was sunsets fault somehow i dont remember how she did it tho) ACTUALLY! i think the mane six hate each other until twilight shows up too (they all have very different personalities alsdknfsdf)? sunset told them some nasty rumours abt each other n twilight helps clear things up and show them that even tho ppl r different they can still be friends :] ( that her whole thing, shes the princess of friendship n stuff ye) OKAYOKAOKY IM GETTING OFF TRACK! she gives all the other kids the same 'we r different but we can be friends iz okay!!' speech (iz a song actually :D) n all the other kids r like 'omg so true bestie we r gonna vote for you for Event Queen bc ur so nice and sunset is so mean' and twilight is like 'fuck yeah :D' but then sunset shimmer tries to sabotage twilight a few times but it doesnt n so twilight wins but uhoh! sunset steals the crown form twilight n tries to use the magic from the jewel thingy but it turns her into a demon n stuff n she fights w twilight who uses the power of friendship w the mane six to defeat sunset shimmer whoz like 'wait fuck oopsie i am sorry pls be my friend :(' and the mane six is like 'okay :D' n twilight is like 'okay love u guys gtg now!' n she goes back to the pony world where she becomes a pony again :D n thats the end of the first movie :D i think twilight also has a love interest. also sunset shimmer was originally a pony but came to the human world years ago alskdn;flaksndf; thatz kinda important and i forgot to mention it adslkfnadfs cuz sunset shimmer is also trying to get the crown bc she wants the magic n she knows abt the magic bc she was a pony once n humans dont have magic n no one else knew the crown was magic n okay I SKIPPED A FEW MAJOR PLOT POINTS BUT THATS OKAY!!!!

N DSMP!! :DDDD idk what to do for this one but tiktok keeps giving me cosplays from a sbi fic that i kinda wanna read but iz bad dad phil n theres lots of angst n would probably make me really very upset n also i cannot read sbi fics bc it makes me maladaptive daydream too much :[ i miss fics tho a lot! i also dont like feeling like I'm missing out on smth u know? i cant usually watch stream vods for that reason too bc i feel left out when the streamer talks to chat and asks them questions n stuff! also i heard theres new tales from the smp which sounds cool but i dont really like tales from the smp alknfasdf;aslkdf n fun fact its only a 2 months to one year since i first watched a dsmp video!! which is exciting! also u n i got into dsmp around the same time which i think is really cool also we met almost a year ago too!!! I've been waiting for the anniversary of when we first met for a while now n i cant wait :D also my favorite dsmp character is Steve the polar bear! bc i like polar bearsand i desperately want to give steve a hug bc he looks fluffy n i think it would be a really good pressure stim to just lay on him n put my face in his fur :D yes i am aware I'm talking abt a Minecraft bear leave me alone! he is a cuddly friend!!!

i think those r the three things i mentioned asd;lkfnas;dlfknasdf :D idk BUT!!! :D thank u for asking hehehehe happy stim happy stim happy stim happy stim happy stim!!!

#if there r typos in this iz not my problem i dont wanna reread this i am too cringe adskfnasdkflknalsdfadfs #OH MY GOD WHY IS THIS SO LONG!!! shut up @s /threat alskdnfa;lskdfn;alskdflasnfdlkasndf;la #anyways :D it was fun tho :D thank u for asking i love uuuu!!!#ademonwithinternet my beloved #<why is my tag for u not autofilling :(( do i not talk abt u enough????? D:

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pandora-twists · 7 years

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Can I ask you for a other-members-taking-care-of-Franken headcanon cz he is the one to take care of everyone even when he's dripping blood himself. It would be nice to see everyone else, even Rai, taking care of him once in a while :3

I actually have no headcanons about it O.o I basically gave up on him ever been on the receiving end somewhere around the Gradeus fight where he had whipped out the red spear out of nowhere, and defeated a much stronger enemy all on his own. The dripping blood scene you are mentioning also had me disappointed, no one but Tao’s reaction was shown like really? -_-

But thinking on it now, I can imagine the trio being the sweetest and most considerate little supports ever if actual need ever arose. Tao being a doctor for him, M21 a very capable (and stern if required) attendant from his experiences with M series care, and Takeo being extra sweet, and a little lost. Regis being completely lost, but keep acting to be himself to avoid worrying his older siblings. Seira quietly extending her household work to support everyone efficiently. And a tense and worried Rai taking up permanent residence aside Frankens bed and healing him with his link, and caressing his cheek gently 0///0

Frankenstein will be very proud and very touched by how the household has managed themselves during his absence, and will spring back to action with the earlier zeal and zest very soon, most likely when his Master or any of the child will be cornered by enemies needing help.

But I really need to think on it a bit more hmmmm. Also can’t help but link Franken care fics here even tho you may already have read them. They got the characterization pretty spot on and has much for headcanons needs, Cornerstone, and Recovery, Six Worlds Down all show an ensemble cast helping and caring for Franken very well.

Also Sawitry is one of those artists who have drawn Frankenstein in a more unguarded, or softer ways, like with Rai’s hand over his head. Little moments like these I wish were more dominant in the actual comic too, but they never are T__T.

…And now my mind is exclusively going towards M-21 caring for Frankenstein. I’m thinking of a desperate scenario, where Franken has been knocked half unconscious, partly courtesy of dark spear. Enemies are closing in from all sides, M21 is the only one on spot, and knows he’s outmatched. He desperately half drags, half carry Franken to hide behind boulder, or in a cave or something, and hides there draped on Franken to hide him and cuz of lack of space…0///0

And darkspear is torturing Franken from within so he’s not exactly quiet, and M is trying to shush him ‘Frankenstein please, they’ll find us” he whispers. Franken hears the scared whisper but he’s not exactly in control of himself. So the enemy finds them, and M straight launch into a battle and Frankenstein is listening to M21s unrelentless efforts to protect him. Enemies are trying to attack Frank from all sides, but M is having none of it. You want to get Franken, you’ll have to go through him first.

So M-21 fights and fights, and enemies starts getting aggravated and M now has lots of cuts, and injuries but he’s still standing his grounds. He won’t let anyone harm Frankenstein! Franken is there listening wtf am i doing while child is getting hurt? I need to get up, get up. M is too injured to stand anymore, his knees meet the ground and enemies hits, he cant dodge, he has no energy left. Then theres dark spare spikes everywhere, and M finds himself pulled back into the protective half embrace of his boss >///

He sees his injured servant and the injured child. Rage. Lots of kneels. Blood fields everywhere. Screams, switsh, zooom, spalts. Then Quiet. Rai gently walks over to the duo, gently wipes the blood off of them with a quiet sweep of his hand, looks at them worried. Are you okay? Yes Master. Then M21 drops exhausted and Franken carry him back to house to heal him good. They reach home, everyone fuss over them both. M: Im ok, its Frankenstein, his darkspear is out of control. Everyone looks at Franken worried and tries to hastily had him sit and such. Frankenstein sighs, then sees Rai whose the most worried, and is promptly ashamed for his weakness. Rai then calls Franken in private and do some contract power mumbo jumbo. Franken is now healed. Everythings good and nothing hurts.

the end

#I have no idea what im typing anymore #this probably doesn't answer what was asked #i wandered off

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balarsen22 · 7 years

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Neurofeedback 3/21

I started neurofeedback last week. Today was my 3rd session, and so far it hasn’t been going so well. I had done an EEG back in January and it came back with some pretty abnormal results consistent with my insomnia, anxiety, ADHD, and mood issues. With the EEG, they gave several areas to possibly target for neurofeedback, so I’m finally starting that (I have to submit to insurance to be reimbursed, so I needed to save money first). My first 2 sessions were on Thursday and Friday. During the session, they hook up EEG sensors in a specific configuration to what you’re targeting. These sensors are hooked up to a computer, which gives instant feedback as to what levels I’m at. They also have some sort of game on the computer that is hooked up to the feedback levels- so far I have done a race car game and a spaceship one. When my level goes above or below the number they set on the bar, it causes the screen to go black and the car/ship to slow down or crash. It also is hooked up to headphones, so the sound effects also stop when you go above the bar. Right now we are really focusing on decreasing my beta waves. Theres 2 different bars that correlate to them that are displayed on the screen and are whats inhibiting or allowing the game to play. The eventual goal level is to get them both down to less than 15. In sessions they set the bar to just a little under what your current level is (otherwise the screen would just always be black), and adjust the level if you’re getting too little or too much black screen time. The first time we tried it, the bars were both set at around 50. I started out with the car game, and she switched me to the spaceship game because its less stimulating (the car game crashes when the screen goes black, the spaceship just goes through a multicolor tube and collects little diamonds and just stops moving when the screen goes black). I did slightly better with the spaceship, but not much. The second time we started immediately with the spaceship game, and it was a little better at first (the bar was like 40-45ish) because she forgot to turn up the volume on the headphones so I had no sound, but once sound was incorporated she had to raise it back up to 50.

Today we tried playing the spaceship game without sound because the sound coming on and off when the screen blacks out too seemed to make it more difficult for me. But even with that, I did terrible. She had to increase the scale on the side to 100 (the first two sessions the scale was to 50) so she could set the bar higher. The bars were set at around 65-75 and I was still struggling with it- there were times when the screen was black that my levels were spiking to nearly 100. She said that people usually don’t do as well when they’re tired, so not sleeping much recently and having an anesthesia exam this morning and being in class all day probably didn’t help (the first 2 sessions were over spring break). But she suggested that maybe bringing Jake in with me for session on Friday and see if that changes anything and helps to bring my levels down. (I’m working on weaning off of her so I can eventually retire her- so far she just doesn’t come in with me to therapy or any of my psychiatry appointments- its normally cool enough outside so she just stays in the truck, or I drop her off at home if its too hot out). I’m interested to see if/how having her laying at my feet changes my levels, especially since what we’re working on directly correlates with my anxiety levels and me being unable to shut my brain down enough for sleep. I know I feel less anxious with her with me and can actually get some sleep when she’s there, but i think it will be cool to see if its a mental thing or if she actually helps to lower my brain waves.

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hatohouse-blog · 7 years

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Some Guidance On Quick Programs In Sport Fishing Equipment

A Detailed Look At Real-world Sport Fishing Equipment Solutions

Awesome sport fishing equipment honest review 2017

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Prior quickly went to work, opting for a seasonal approach. Any local angler knows that the fishing season has different periods that require particular types of equipment. Spring means fly fishing for browns, brookies and rainbows. Summer is ripe for bass and panfish as well as deep trolling for trout. Just about every species bites in autumn, and winter is the time to hit the ice. No matter what the time of year, Collins wants anglers to be able to find everything they needed in one local venue. Collins has also added another item to make it easier for anglers. He engaged Prior to develop a map of the area that shows the best species to pursue at each fishing hole. The map will eventually be turned into a vinyl application that will cover one entire wall of the fishing section. This will help anglers not familiar with the area to decide where they want to wet a line, as well as educating local enthusiasts about places they have never fished before. And theres more to come. We still havent displayed everything we have in stock, Collins told me, but eventually it will all be on the shelves. The store carries a limited selection of hunting equipment including ammunition, knives, gloves, hats, thermal socks and foot warmers for those cold days in the tree stand. Pleasant Valley is also a deer registration station.

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The result: A grand slam. The bases were juiced for Papierski and he took advantage, putting LSU up 5-2 on Tulane. 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http://www.kidsfishing.info/ Emerging Answers For Primary Factors Of Fly Fishing Tackle Bag

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worldprincessp2 · 7 years

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omg im so sorry if youre on mobile. this is so long but i wanted to let my feelings out and yeah. sorry sorry sorry ignore if you want but also read too cuz i need comfort if u wanna give any

this entire past week has been....super...destructing and a blow to my own self esteem...

so i moved in to my college dorm sunday. seemed okay. i thought itd be more cheerful and id have people introduce themselves to me but apparently not so...but i didnt mind. my roommate didnt arrive till 9 almost and by then i felt really alone like wow. theres no one here. no family. no friends. nothing.

then the next day i went out and it was nice. i explored campuses...rode busses...stuff like that. it seemed like it would be a good start. i went back to my room and felt content with everything. i thought i had a good schedule. i thought i had everything planned out correctly. i thought my money’s worth (a lot of money too) would be going to something good and beneficial not only for me but for my career.

and then the next day happened.

i had my first psych class. it was neuropsychology. professor seemed like a bitch cuz she judged me based on me being a new transfer student who also came from a community college! awesome. so i immediately felt like shit plus i had to stay in the same auditorium (which i HATED) and i waited for my psychological themes in film class to start. i thought it’d be nice. i didn’t expect it to be set in an auditorium, more like reserved classroom with a projector, along with a professor who wore a microphone and talked to us like she was selling something.

and more and more people filled the room and sat down and people sat with their friends and socialized with each other. and because i’m really fucking brand new i knew nobody. i was Alone. the definition of alone. and then my anxiety spiked up and the tiny bouts of depression began settling in. oh yeah. this reminds me of something.

(senior year of high school - the year my depression peaked.)

class started and i began to feel tears in my eyes. i kept looking at another university i had applied to and looked at their major checklist and felt...what i was doing was stupid. how is this going to help me in the long run? sure it’s fun but is fun even worth it if you want money. or enough money to become stable?

class ended and i left the auditorium and saw so many people talking and going about their way. i went on the bus. went home. wanted to burst out crying but didn’t cause that’s embarrassing. and i ran to my room and cried. i literally just cried. i was in panic mode because maybe this wasn’t what i wanted. i had tried it and seen a taste of what was to come and i hated it.

i sent so many texts to my friends and so many of them have said it’s just your first day, give it time, you have no idea what life will be like. and maybe they’re right. but i can’t even imagine wasting that much money on something i’m not comfortable in spending on. and if i wanted to go back home after this semester, it would’ve been for what...nothing. i felt so stupid and hopeless.

i emailed the other university and they replied back to me - and even called me - and said i could come back and get started as soon as possible. i said okay, let me talk to several people here first - like a general advisor and a psychology advisor. well the general advising sucked. i wanted to tell them i had issues and was thinking of going back home and all this other shit i’m dealing with but no, i enter the office and i ask to see an advisor and the lady just raised her eyebrows and said nothing, and i repeated my question and she just motioned to her nametag which said director like excuse fucking me for not seeing that, i’m literally in a crisis mode. fuck you and your nonexistent eyebrows.

so she looked at my schedule and said it was basically shitty. so i mean. i’m confuzzled. she was like pick a minor. i said i don’t know what minor to be in. she said it doesn’t matter. i said it kind of has to relate to your major right? she said no not really. i said okay then what do you recommend. she said well. sociology and public health? well fuck man. this wouldve been so much better if i had done this earlier, like, maybe, A WEEK AGO? oh but no, this university has so many fucking students that it can’t even properly register you for classes cuz theres not enough deans in the world. also spring semester transfers? don’t be one. youll be screwed.

so i was like i’ll do this tomorrow or later today. i also emailed my psychology advisor. he was no help. i even talked to him the day i registered and i should’ve known by then but i wanted to keep an open mind. i really wanted to believe that this was good for me. i asked him what courses is better for me and he generally said well, no one’s had trouble with what is on your schedule. OMG. OF COURSE. BECAUSE THEY’RE USED TO THE 4-YEAR UNIVERSITY/COLLEGE DIFFICULTY LEVEL. I’M NOT. HELP ME.

and i left it at that. i told him i maybe wanted to be a therapist and he said well this class sounds good. oh yeah. just this ONE class. thanks.

at that point i really...didn’t feel anything anymore. i went to my students in transition class and felt like hey, this should be good huh, because these people are just like me!!!!

turns out i was wrong...most of them commute. most of them already know one another. the instructor herself dragged the class and how worthwhile it is. she was like trust me, if i were you, i wouldnt wanna take this class either but it’s mandatory so. nice. we had icebreaker questions and at that point i thought it’d be okay. turns out i was wrong again. it felt weird and even more awkward than the beginning of class. this girl i interviewed looked friendly but do you ever get that feeling like someone just finds you unappealing and generally unpleasant? yeah i got that vibe from her. we didn’t even make small talk. she like refused. i even tried to be outgoing like “is anyone here psych majors? :)” and i got no response. she turned around once we were finished interviewing each other and talked to her friend. i was just sitting there, alone, staring at my paper cuz. well.

i left and i didn’t even feel good from that moment. i thought that class would help but no. it only made me feel more alienated. so i went to my next class in a campus thats so far away and stayed in the building it was in for an hour and researched on my other university in mind and felt relieved they had what i wanted. you might be thinking well michelle you should’ve done this sooner. GIRL I KNOW. BUT THEY DIDNT EVEN HAVE WHAT I WANTED DURING THE SPRING WHEN I VISITED THEIR CAMPUS. IT JUST RECENTLY GOT ADDED.

so at that point i was at a crossroads. i could leave if i wanted to and go home. or stay and tough it out, deal with things, and there we go. look i’m not an extrovert. i’m extremely shy and quiet when things are brand new. it’s because of my anxiety. i can’t help it. it’s just hard. no one can really relate to what i’m going through because they either go to uni as a freshman and meet other scared people or they have friends in most of their classes. or they don’t have to deal with that anxiety because their classroom is small and it’s easier to be more open. i know i do so well in that setting. it’s what i loved community college.

i also know my depression/anxiety can flare up and hinder my abilities to do well in school. it’s happened once before. it can happen again. i can’t afford to let it happen again. so i won’t...i’m coming back home soon and am in the process of withdrawing. i wanted to give this school more time. i was so excited in leaving home and to be honest, i’m not homesick. that’s not the issue. the issue is being confident my money is going to something that’s beneficial for my education and my happiness. and all i’ve been feeling here is fear. nervousness. unhappiness. worry. being away from home is not the issue. it is about making sure i’m making a SMART decision. and i know i’m not.

then my cousin messaged me yesterday and called me immediately after i told her i’m leaving this uni and she was just super sad and wanted me to think about it before i make a solid decision. i said it’s not for me. she said you don’t know that yet. i said i kind of know, i have a gut feeling, and usually that feeling is right. she said well maybe try it for a week. i said i can’t afford to do that. my money won’t get refunded. she said well i want you to be happy. i said i don’t even know if what i want to do will make me happy. she said that’s the most important thing though. i said money will also make me happy too. she said it’s not always about the money. i said maybe it is. that’s what gives me most stress. i’m not lucky to have a full-ride somewhere. i don’t have that advantage.

so i slept and i felt weird today waking up. a part of me, though it’s small, wants to see where this leads. and then a bigger part of me thinks this wouldn’t be right. i am not confident and no one should go forward with shaky feet.

my cousin called me this morning after i told her that. she passed me to her boyfriend and he said you shouldn’t leave. you should stay. i cried cuz there’s validity in that. but i just cannot afford it. the money aspect is huge to me. it should be huge to anyone. it is not a light subject. and i told him that. he said that’s true. and my cousin knew what my dreams are cuz i told her yesterday i would love to do something creative with my life. and she said do it! don’t do something that would make you unhappy.

so...she told me that again today. and her boyfriend was so nice and even said you can come up here and live with us and you can go to school here. it’s exactly what you want. it was a lot to take in.

all i know is i can’t stay where i’m currently at right now. it’s taken a toll on me and i’m even surprised i’m not breaking out with pimples and shit. all i know is i’m not homesick. i don’t particularly miss anyone. i’m fine living alone. it’s what i prefer to be honest. but that shouldn’t be the reason i’m spending my money. cuz it’s a lot. i think if i stay home, stay in my routine, where it’s less of a big shock, and i’m familiar with where i’m going then all is good. right now i just can’t handle that shock. i can’t let it affect my grades. i can’t. and i’ll find ways to get internships or whatever because it’s about looking for it and not having things handed to you...

ANYWAY. i feel so much guilt over what i’ve put my parents through. i know my mom is mad at me but she won’t let it show. my dad wants me to be happy. my sister too. and i appreciate that. it still won’t take the guilt away. my roommate has been so great...she doesn’t get where i’m coming from but she understands if i do leave. she wants me to stay though. i just can’t. :/

i wanted to let this all out on my blog so here ya go. maybe you found this interesting. or maybe u think i’m dumb. lol i don’t really care. i just needed to know if this would be a good match. and now that i’m here it’s not. so. there’s that. shit happens. thanks for reading and if you wanna give me words of comfort please do cuzzzzzz i needs it

ok..........bye yall

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