#how would this work id be like im having a shit day be my dog and hell be like uh sure woof (not in pupspace)

[garpond]

i feel like such an asshole about the violent urges/impulses i get when im overstimulated, they make me worry that im actually abusive or a violent person deep down and im just faking being a decent human being, i know its just because my brain is in fight or flight mode but it just makes me wonder where that kind of instinct comes from and whether the fact that im coming up with it at all means i secretly am some kind of monster. and i feel tired and stressed all the time now so it happens really easily

[74sthings]

need dante to be my emotional support dog fr.

[curltee]

(my bros commentary while watching THC1 )

"Are those his dogs? Hes crying cuz its badly photoshopped"

"Crying while carrying a whole ass gun"

"Bitch thats the point of a present"

"Whats this suspicious nightclub theyre going to."

"Does she know how phones work?

"Shes the dumb bitch in this group"

"Straight up, the drama team needs to learn how to take phone calls like he does. Fake phone calls"

"Um whys he looking like that when he injects her?"

"The sexual tension of this scene right now...wild. Pls tell me rn that this is secretly a torture porn???"

"Ofcourse hes gonna take it personally you twig"

"He can be a gardener"

"What a gentlemen, he even carries him"

"Dang he got a screamer here. And i thought those two girls were bad enough"

"Im sorry i just cant get over the shape of his fucking head"

"Hes like attractive, but in a creepy way"

"jenny gives me the mom come pick me up im scared deal"

"Can we appreciate that he has the decency to not hit the women. Yeah straight up he just awakens them so calmly. with the girls its like "hi besutiful goodmorning!" Then just fucking smack the guy on the face

"Id rather let him wake me up by smacking me than creepily stroke my hair like that"

"Why not hit that glass with your butt?"

"Why is he apologizing for not shooting her?"

"Oh my god shes really is the dumbest bitch alive. I thought jenny was but no"

"Fuck both jenny and the asian dude bitch runnn"

I could watch somebodys head cut off but not a butt removal"

"Okay but why the guy who screams alot placed at the front ???"

"Dang should have put jenny at the front to get a head action. unless hes into dudes"

"Do you think he has sex with it? If so which end would he prefer more? Or do you think he sees it as innocent but creepy way? Like this is my centipede child i love you"

"If he gives them painkillers does he only have the choose one but triple the amount of painkillers?"

Poor girls, one is literally eating her friends ass...forever"

"Okay so..nazi european madman. kamikaze shithole..What racial slur would be next"

"His chicken noise reminds me of squilliam"

"Is he dying? Oh shitting my bad."

"Did he atleast take their tongues out? or do they taste everything? Thats jsut nasty "

"OHH NIPPLE HELL YEAH"

"These dudes are definitly not trained to be cops. They just claimed they are on a random day "

"Why do they dressed like our uncles?"

"MAKE HIM FALL MAKE HIM FALL WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE HIM LIKE THAT YOU IDIOT".

"Out of all stairs why the spiral ones"

"A wild human centipede 🎶 got chased by a doctor 🎶 will the centipede make it🎶 or get eaten alive 🎶 find out in our next episode of planet earth"

"Oh yeah hes licking it. thats gross"

"He really just crawled themselves into a room with no plan. its going good so far"

"So did she just assume the glass was still broken. Does she have no concept of time. Probably not "

"The amount of grunts they had to record for this"

"Thats a deep cut"

*Heiter got shot* "Thats satisfying"

"Annnnd shes dead. or passed out atleast. Oh no shes really dead"

"I swear they hold eachothers hands very much"

"Oh they shot this scene really well. Like the angle and everything. Props to her can translate dread into her eyes. This is makes me sad."

"Imagine being in the middle and your counterparts are fucking dead. Thats gonna be her motto is she survives this"

[spookyserenades]

I’VE NEVER WANTED TO PUNCH SOMEONE IN THE SKULL MORE-

but I wanna punch u in like a loving way ya know 🥹🥺🙈🙊🙉😭

i-

ok i didnt have time to talk abt last chapter, but honestly all u have to know is that i loved every single word, every punctuation mark, every period, every space-

omg this chapter was wild i cant-

yoongi and y/n, I’ve never met a couple whose good and bad at communication at the same time i cant- no cause like him writing a song for her bc of her, when he played it i imaged Butterfly for some reason, the melody is so beautiful on the piano 🥺🥹 omg not him with his shirt off at the b-ball court. He rlly flexing huh, yeah sure ur too HOT 🥵 omg she got a vision, LIKE HER MOM! Will this be a reoccurring theme with her? Oooo. OMG THAT FIRST KISS WAS SO SWEET WHEN IT SORT OF CAME FULL CIRCLE WITH YOONGI ASKING HER TO KISS HIM! AND THEN HIM ASKING FOR MORE OMG ITS SO HOT WTF I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE THIS HORNY YET BUT UR WRITING IS JUST 🤌🏼 💋 THEY ARE IN LOOOOVE FR LIKE WE KNEW THEY BOTH HEAD OVER HEELS, SO HEAD OVER HEELS THEY COULDNT GET SLEEP FOR WEEKS/DAYS~ OH MAN SECRET RELATIONSHIP YEAH WELL-

omg wtf yeah secret relationship went down the drain lol. Either hobi’s hearing is super good and he’s near the room or everyone heard y/n fucking whining into yoongis mouth dam. Or he saw that quick kiss in her room omg ur cliffhangers dana drive me INSANE! Hobi is such a tease too! Now him teasing her for her heart palpitations poor girl cant handle all the handsome men around her like same girlie pop-I do wonder how this will effect the hybrids dynamics with each other and her 🤔

omg jinnies b day he deserves the world. Not him feeding her, he KNEW what he was doing and in FRONT of everyone too 😏 him warming up her hands with his breath i cant- and then going to take cooking class in February. HIM SAYING HE DOESNT WANT TO GO WITH ANYONE ELSE BUT HERRRR 😭 him saying lets go home bc home is smth he never truly haddd and he feels safe mow eeek😭😭😭😭

Omg not tae driving the way home- KNOWING THE WAY HOOOME. No cause like you can tell they probably all know the way home by heart bc they cherish her and the house sm its means so much to them i cant i actually had to stop reading after that line bc i got so emotional. Omg tae is taking his photography seriously 🥰 im so glad hes really delving into his passion! Omg their ID’s lol they must be so cute and funny 😆

ofc jimin is a responsible cutie we love, cant wait to see more scenes with him later~ but him saying y/n looks good in any photo ✋ stop sir u are such a charmer i cant- eeeeeek

omg joonie so cute. He cares for her sm and he’s the type of person to not beat around the bush. He cares and wants her to be straightforward when shes upset 😭 eeeek

omg the scene with jk- i LOVE BANTER SM and their scenes always crack me up. Jk’s dialogue is so fun! No not her giving the puppy dog eyes 🥺 and it not working… or maybe it did 😏 omg and her being bold with that KISS ON THE CHEEK- i was imagining jk when he gets surprised or zones out 😲 its so funny 😂 omg y/n has W Rizz for sure~

omg ben already predicted this my mans was just waiting for her to catch up- its so good to see him again I love y/n’s friends. Him lifting her up but also humoring her is SO what i would do if my friend was in a similar situation! Like Y/N GIRLIE POP I ARE THE IT GIRL U GOT NOTHIN TO WORRY ABT!

THANK YOU SM FOR THIS UPDATE I LOVE U SM DANA!!!!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!! Remember, make sure to take care of urself first and foremost! 😤 Love you byeeee~

FDJSKAFHDSAF I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO PUNCH MY SKULL LMAO!! I'm so so happy that you loved the last two chapters, there was SO much that went down, I can't wait to chat about them hehehe 💜

SO fhdjsaf you're right on the money with Yoongi and MC not knowing how to communicate with each other for SHIT. Like I think they rely on telepathy or vibes too much, neither of them are mind readers... so much of their conflict these past two chapters could have been resolved if they just sat down and talked calmly about things for an hour or so!!! 💀BUT stop it right now Butterfly is one of my favorite BTS songs, so so gorgeous on the piano, and I could imagine a very similar melody that Yoongi would write for MC being something like that too. 🦋

HNNNNGGGFF Yoongi all sweaty on the court without his shirt.... damp long hair....teasing MC the whole way UGH I just know that I'd be drooling! 🥵And with that vision WHEW I'm so happy I could incorporate that into MC's character finally, I will say that this is something that will begin to happen more frequently for MC-- ever since she has been diving more into her spirituality and practices, her psychic abilities have been getting stronger.

The kiss. THE KISS!!! I'VE BEEN DYING TO WRITE SOME ROMANCE FOREVER NOW MY GOODNESS IT TOOK 13 CHAPTERS!! I just feel like Yoongi is such a 0 to 100 kind of guy when it comes to kisses, sweet and tender to begin with, then BAM super passionate and intense. I really really loved writing that scene, I'd say that Yoongi was truly desperate and yearning for MC for so long that he couldn't help but beg for more hnnnnngggg. But now they have to tip toe around for a little bit until they figure out how to tell the others, which turns into MORE yearning and AH I wanna chew on my drywall!!!! 👹

djkafdakfdask I'm excited to continue off where we left off! You know I always gotta leave you all on a cliffhanger. I wonder how MC is going to dodge Hoseok's questioning, and we don't know if he heard those two making out (he shouldn't have been able to, the music room is soundproofed...) or was perceptive to how weird MC and Yoongi were being with each other. I also feel like if Hoseok heard them, some of the others would as well, and I can think of a few (Namjoon, Tae, Seokjin for ex.) that would probably bust down that door!!! But also your theory of Hoseok possibly catching their kiss in the hallway is something that could have happened eeeee. Also I love teasing Hoseok as well he raises my blood pressure... poor MC can't even hide her heartrate from them!

UGH Jinnie's birthday he's such a sweet darling, I love that he was able to go out somewhere yummy to eat and spend time with everyone. I also really love when he feeds MC... it's so hot to me idk why like yes PLS grab my face and stare at me and treat me like a princess Jin!!! Always making sure she's warm, wanting to go to the cooking class with just her, and feeling truly at home with her and in their house I CAN'T He's just such a love. 😍

Tae baby... just like Jin, he knows where home is now and AH they're just all getting so close. You're so right, they really cherish her so so much. Tae and his photography too is so fun to write about, it's nice that he gets to express himself creatively and the other hybrids let him take their ID pictures was a sweet hidden moment that I'm happy you noticed!

Definitely more Jimin on the way!! It's been the Yoongi show for a bit, but that's just how I've planned these few chapters. Don't worry, each of them will get their turns to be the stars, which I'm super excited about in the future! Charmer Libra Jimin is my Roman Empire, totally more of a flirt and a romantic as time goes on. Joon UGH!! My little wolf, he's warmed up so much to MC, and he's very straightforward and stern like you said-- ever since the Incident, he seems to be very concerned about weather or not MC is feeling upset.

HA I love writing MC and Jeongguk's interactions, they're both such little shits and you can tell when they get on each other's nerves, but it's less antagonistic these days and more playful. He totally called her out for pouting, and while it might work for some of the others, it doesn't on him LOL. But she got him back with that kiss, huh? I bet she's been dying to do that for months...

I'm PSYCHED you mentioned Ben. He's my favorite side character to write, and it's nice that MC is able to confide in him about any of her worries. You're right, he totally caught onto her having crushes on all of them (it's probably dead obvious to him) But ahh it makes me so happy that you love him as well!! I agree, I'd probably act the same way towards MC if I were Ben-- teasing her but trying to encourage as well. 🫣

FDJAKSFH THANK YOU FOR READING AND SENDING ME SO MANY LOVELY COMMENTS!!! As always I look forward to what you have to say about updates, and I love you sm as well! Hope you had lovely holidays and a fun new year my sweets! 😘💜

[quackitytheduck]

about the qsmp gotg au: I'm listening, do you mayhaps want to elaborate 😁

ngl i JUST had the split second thought while listening to dog days are over (fatm) so my thoughts are still in progress BUT rn im trying to connect character arcs to determine who should take whose place

at first i was thinking quacky as peter q bc. well. im a quackity main. and then i wondered how i could fit tilín into that and my thought process for that kinda ended there. but i was still stuck on quacky and then i thought of gamora and he actually fits her arc more plus i like fem coding quackity's characters. then i was thinking maybe tilín as nebula? theyd have to have an ever so slightly diff relationship but i could make it work, maybe el pato or cucurucho as thanos OH WAIT MAYBE CUCURUCHO AS RONAN so that would put el pato as thanos and then i was thinking how would i get elq in here maybe he could be nebula and THEN i thought what if i split nebula into 2 characters so i could have qq elq and tilín all under thanos at some point but then qq escaped w tilín but elq stayed working under thanos and took back tilín at some point so that could give qq that good good grief arc!! and then well there's the obvious memory loss which would fit in perfectly with both arcs!!

and then i got to peter q and who has a backstory of being taken from their home and growing up in a hostile and violent environment. boom cellbit ez. but does the backstory or personality matter more?? so i had a character w a good backstory but who didn't have peter's wit although he had his heart and charm like that. and i dont wanna say who i thought of but let's just say his charm comes from being a musician. but i didnt want him i wanted literally anyone other than him so now im stuck on that

and then i was thinking what if starmora luckity. luzu the angstlord (+ arin) as gamora and then maybe i could take some of c!quacky's sarcasm and put it into this au but that would take away from it being a qsmp au

and now im trying to veer away from my quacky centric tendencies and go back to qcell as quill and then bagi as maybe a mantis type figure who was introduced in vol 2 w ego, and i think that could work with bagi having been on the island (ego (planet)) much longer than cellbit and i feel like im missing some piece of lore here i feel like im getting this backstory wrong but icr. and i know bagi isnt loyal to the feds in any way so i think she's been trying to escape the planet her whole life and always failed. idk who ego would be idk some kind of fed rep. id like pol to be there too if in this version ego is fed affiliated i want pol to be a reluctant employee on the planet w bagi. tbh idk what their canon relationship is or if theyve even met yet but i think it would be a cool new dynamic. wait shit icr if pol's lore is that he's pro fed or not i dont think he is but i can NOT rmbr rn. anyway i like this version w mystery twins a lot tbh i might just take this one and run w it

to summarize:

quackity gamora w tilín/elq nebula, cucurucho ronan, el pato thanos

quackity quill w luzu gamora

⭐️ cellbit quill w bagi mantis-ish

foolish drax!! and maybe two eggs as rocket and groot

or rocket as an egg and the high evolutionary as el pato/the fed w all the other experiments as eggs too!!

[croctus]

how would you improve each datable NPC in Stardew Valley?

i was bewildered for a moment before i remembered i was talking shit about them on this blog previously haha! let me see. i think most of them i have issues with just act 10 years younger than they are- so there are a few ways this can be changed?

also keep in mind i adore stardew and really do like these characters even just as they are, im just a hater lol

judging hard-

Alex

i honestly think this guy could be GREATLY improved if he were actively taking care of his grandparents. maybe we see him out walking with them, on the roof doing repairs before a rainy day, running errands for them or cooking for them, etc. boy spends half his time staring at his dog in a household of two elderly disabled folks who could use him. even a teenager could take notice and offer to help.

Abigail

shes one of the most childish unfortunately lmao. i think one of the most glaring is she goes extremely hard in an easter egg hunt against two preschoolers- maybe if she instead tried to help one of them win but got a little competitive about it, thatd be cute? idk. additionally she could work part time at the store, or at the guild, or clint's, it'd fit her character.

Sam

i get the player interactivity elements but what kind of goober goes through all the work to put a band together but doesnt know what genre they wanna play, unless theyre just a teen interested in the aesthetic of a band. it comes across sorta inauthentic. boy rolls his eyes and grumbles when his mom asks him to help clean a fish, too. cmon man, youre grown.

Sebastian

both sam and seb suffer from the same 'gawwd stay out of my room MOOOM' sort of vibes- maybe if they had an apartment together but still regularly visited their parents for dinner theyd come across as a little more grown (not to say that like, living with parents is inherently childish but how they interact with their folks comes across that way). he also really shouldn't be taking his angst out on his opinion of his half sister, and maybe if he had a little more of a solid adult go-plan than 'im gonna run away to the city' hed seem more mature.

could b better-

Shane

i dont want to be harsh on this guy but he sort of backslides after marriage hardcore. depression isnt a singular uphill climb but at least he could show hes still working on it- the occasional mention of a talk with a therapist, or cleaning up a little after himself, etc. maybe trying to eat a little better when living on a farm lol.

Penny

shes fine, other than the scene w/ george: pushing his wheelchair without asking and then HE apologizes/the scene fames this action as a good thing and you lose points with her if you point out it's rude. sometimes in trying to help people, you dont always do the right thing for them - that would be a little more nuanced for her.

im just picky-

Elliott + Harvey

theyre fine? maybe itd be fun if elliott went on some book tours or somesuch in the winter regularly after marriage, and harvey joined a plane hobbyist group or smth. they have a lot of personality but an issue a lot of these characters have is they just sort of putter out after marriage

Leah + Haley

this game has a lot of redheads lol. leah is fine though, and haley is cute. like other npcs id just want them to find their own independent success with their artistic skills- maybe letters come in the mail occasionally to them congratulating them on photos/sculptures making it into magazines, etc, to show they still have their own things going on

Emily + Maru

they're fine, i just like older/fanmade versions of their sprites more lol

[mooncheese3]

HOLY SHIT A FELLOW YUELIUJIU ENJOYER. thank you SO MUCH for indulging my yueliu request and making it even better. do you have any yueliujiu concepts running around your mind? i've seen your other svsss concepts and they're just - fuck - absolutely brilliant. i want to write them so bad.

LMAO HELP BTW OMG HI THAT GENUINELY MADE ME PUT MY HAND ON MY HEART BC FLATTERED IDK I CANT GRAMMAR BUT ANYWAY. YES PLS DO WRITE BEGGING ON MY HANDS AND KNEES (also i have no idea where ur 2nd ask after this one went its gone from my inbox and i have no idea how tumblr works so IM SORRY FKSNFKS)

THEIR DYNAMIC DRIVES ME CRAZY. THEYRE A TRIANGLE. THEYRE THE MOST STABLE SHAPE DESPITE BEING SO OPPOSITE. THEY BALANCE EACH OTHER OUT.

(warning this goes super super long😇)

yqy. hes the water to lqg's fire and sqq's wind (which stokes fire). hes the calming rain during the sunset after a burning afternoon. hes the still waters as compared to the extreme winds. BUT. LIKE AN OCEAN. THERES SO MUCH GOING ON UNDERNEATH THE UNMOVING SURFACE.

this is where liujiu come in. theyre the fearless divers who readily plunge. while others may point and talk about how idyllic a lake is, theyre the ones to swim to the middle and see how deep it runs. thing is, the two of them are Wired to actively seek out the truth. its one of the few things they have in common, fiery temper aside. that is Exactly what our dear qige needs. HE NEEDS MORE PEOPLE TO SEE PAST HIS AMICABLE, LIKABLE MASK

not that hes an unlikeable person at heart, thats subjective but like u get what i mean right. BASICALLY he goes out of his way to be liked by everyone, but in doing so shoves all the unlikable parts of himself away. hes a kettle WAITINGGG to explode one day, and it wont be pretty at all

ON THE OTHER HANDD sqq exaggerates all his unlikeable traits to push people away. unlike yqy, who actively tries to bring people closer to him (to a curated ver of him) in a kind of keep your friends close but your enemies closer type of thing, bc at the back of his mind ANYONE can become his enemy and hurt him–its the paranoia talking— sqq keeps everyone at a distance BECAUSE anyone can hurt him.

since lqg Hates people faking things–sqq would argue that exaggeration is NOT faking, actually, and yqy would also add that downplaying isnt either— hed just. do what he does best: fist fight his way into fixing things👍👍

JK BUT NOT RLLY HED ALSO BE THEIR (surprisingly) level-headed anchor when they go through problems as a couple. (i hc him as the type of guy to be the most calm when thrust into times of distress. good hunters and warriors need to be like that. itd be neat if that also carried over into how he dealt with emotional conflicts. like he may seem like the epitome of an emotionally constipated guy–which he is at times–but when it really matters he can be insightful. how he words things out needs to be improved tho, id imagine. but sqq appreciates action over words, and yqy understands lqg as a person, so theres that)

word vomit over yqy is a dog boy, lqg is a cat boy with dog boy tendencies, and sqq is a cat boy B)))

OH AND. AND AND AND. AU WHEREIN YLJ ARE LMY'S PRIMARY GUARDIANS. OH BOY. OHHHHHH BOYEIEYEIEY

PREFERABLY WHEN THEYRE STILL DISCIPLES. maybe baby lmy is present for one of their fights (as in not spar. As in oh shit this is serious business. As in oh shit theyre horrible at communication) and she cries. and so theyre like WOW were so bad at this

qijiu are going down the HORRIBLE mindset of "maybe i should just get away from all this before i make things infinitely worse, like i always do" but lqg strong arms them into sitting at a table and talking things out bc "we may be bad at this but we CAN get better, idiots"

(HOW UNCHARACTERISTIC YOU MAY SAY. BUT. WELL. lets just say lqg got strong armed into doing that by his shizun, who was strong armed into doing it by yqy and sqq's shizuns, who didnt want to do it themselves because reputation purposes and also bc thats troublesome but seeing their disciples pass in slightly subpar work bc of FEELINGS made them actually do something

not the best shizuns but. yea. u dont get disastrous human beings out of nowhere)

their biweekly emotional discussions from hell are the most awkward things the three have ever gone through, BUT! anything for their little meiemei turned semi-daughter

mingyan will forever be proud of them, once shes old enough to understand

AND! AND AND AND AND AND LATER THEY ADOPT LITTLE PALACE MASTER (ON ACCIDENT) AND NYY (NOT ON ACCIDENT)

hngf i just love little palace master too much not to include her, the little brat

okay this gushing is getting super long but thats what tumblrs for

help im jumping from topic to topic but OH WELL. WE WILL NOW BE TOUCHING UPON YLJ AND 3ZUN FROM MDZS PARALLELS

ACTUALLY NOT TOUCHING UPON JUST. SCREAMING ABOUT IT.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[skunkes]

considering you like thinking about more domestic / slice-of-life headcanons in furry worlds/universes; do you have any headcanons about fur cleanliness / hygeine practices? i keep thinking about it every time i shower and thinking about how much of a pain it must be for a furry to clean and then brush their fur out to keep it up to standard

ywes i think about this all the time but nothing solid yet, the other day i even had another adjacent "ugh it would suck to do (x) as a being covered in fur" but i cant remember. I myself dont even take this much care for self but the lore reason smunker is so round and smooth (tail included) is because he spends some hours after waking to brush it all out

I think ive mentioned before how it'd suck to get caught in the rain as a fur, imagine doing so while going to work and now you have wet clothes AND wet fur. I wonder if there'd be special drying stations to help with dis kind of thing.

Similar to how I wonder if there would be special stations for self full body grooming, and how i wonder how furs wld get said full body grooming done if they cant do it themselves...you could make the argument that it'd be normal and not weird for there to be full body groomers but idk, communal shower rooms are Normal and id still rather do anything in my power to avoid using one, so I wonder how furs with no one to help em manage full body fur length + that are too embarrassed to be seen by someone that can help do it. Also wonder how that'd lead to the full body version of Self Cut Haircuts or if there'd be a body equivalent of ppl who give themselves really wild ones on purpose

I know this isnt what you asked, ive definitely discussed some Shower and Hygiene stuff before but I cant reach out and grab any of those threads of thought rn fsr!!! But yeah, dense fur wld suck for showering and such...im already always .5 seconds from ending it all when i step out of shower and have wet dense hair touching my neck, cant imagine being like a really furry dog and having that shit hanging off my whole body. WAUGH

[shiny-jr]

I fumkin love ur fic The Devil so much, love ur oc charlemagne and i gort SO down bad for him, very sadge to see that not a lot of people talkinf about him or the fic in general in tumblr but man that fic in quotev do have a gorilla grip on me that i would reread it back to back every saturday and sundays. Like, charlie is the blorbo from my yandere fic authors that i would want to chew up like a beloved dog toy, knead him like bread dough, let him rise and bake him at 400f for 15 minutes. Soak him with milk and suck the milk out like that one Webkinz toy and throw him against the wall to make a wet thud, wring him like a towel and clamp him down between my teeth and shake at breakneck speeds like those feral dogs , elbow bomb him like a WWE wrestler, put him in a meat grinder and make Charlemagne sausages,,, words alone cannot describe how much that man makes my brain go brr as in jackhammer obliterating tiled floors brr

It gives me some th0ts that wjat if tje mc somehow got into this groundhog type of situation and wakes up on the day where charlie would propose to her with expensive chunky ring. Id think after going thru all the shitstorm she would learn that "okay, maybe he is the greatest detective of all time, rivaling batman" and knows rhat if she drops everything and run, he is jusr going to find her and ruin everything again anyways

So she says yea sure go nuts, but there is that flavour of fear to whenever shes around him, im pretty sure anyone who is partially sentient can pick up on the vibe , especially charlie

Whenever he gives affection or gifts it woild be met with nervousness like mc is about to shit herself out of trembling so hard, but out of sheer fear and anger and hatred

Whenever he tries to ask what's wrong mc would simply dismiss his concerns and kinda gaslight him, saying he is crazy for thinking that something is wrong, the gaslighting done out of revenge and instinct to survive

I feel like that would be a mindfuck for him, i wonder if he would eventually just get used to it or he would smoke so much that he grows an extra pair of lungs cause the carcinogens mutated him so much that he went through rapid forced evolution

Of course, mc probably had to sacrifice her happiness with Elian and the pups, but i guess it should be temporary until charlie rests in pieces due to stress and confusion, but then the mc would also be in pieces from having her CPU on 100% everyday

Whoop another groundhog day event, mc just straight up murders him with the wine glass when she wakes up on the day he proposes to her again, unprompted, maybe even going all john wick and kill him with a pencil after sketching the final coat design

Also mans is lucky he is in the 70's, no doubt hes getting cancelled to hell if he is like in the 2020's

I can't tell if he would be the type to wear a hazmat or astronaut suit during the pandemic or he would brush the cheeky touch of the virus off as a mere cold, being anti vax and all

Makes me think about how he would react with social media and stuff, i kinda headcannon that he would obsessively read his comment section cause he loves feeling angy , but maybe he would simply not, cause as an influencer or celebrity, first rule is to never look at the comment section

Perhaps if you directly bring the 70's Charlie to modern days, he would go insane over social media and how much people talk about public figures

I also headcannon that a massive chunk of his regular business budget is allocated towards lawsuits too, cauae wirh all the stunts he is pulling publicly im pretty sure sometimes its just cheaper and more effective to pay the lawsuit than go on long shady battles wirh them, you know like how that "life hack" where you send a billionaire your wedding invitation and chances are they're going to give you gifts despite literally not knowing who you are? Yea that

I feel like if he is broight into modern modern times, his PR team would be working over time, crying, throwing up, shitting with all the crap he pulls. Everyone is bald from stress, everyone aged into an octogenarian and they have like a pager like surgeons where it alerts them whenever charlie does some silly shit and rhey have to do immediate damage control

Like he would spend hundreds of hours probably feeding the trolls and doxxing them too, nightmare for anyone on his marketing and PR team

But i might be wrong , he probably knows better and just ignores them

If he is 25 in like around 1974 (i assume thats when it takes place), he must be like 74 in 2023 and he would still slay the house down while battling arthritis and chronic bronchitis like yes hater king, go off 👏👏

Imagine though, 74 years old pulling stunts like how he did with mc in prosa, just need to pop a couple painkillers and go committing entering and breaking with their elderly walkers, maybe even with turbo wheelchairs

I feel like he would make his own Charlemagne brand electronics, and call it Charlemobile which comes built in with adware for his products only, like a popup ad keeps distracting you telling you to praise him and he would definitely 100% steal your information, like he is the only electronic manufacturer where you should read the terms and conditions word per word if you don't want to end up on craigslist one day

On the softer side, i feel like Charlie would prepare your medications when the both of you gets old and reminds you to eat it ❤️

Mc would try to sneak in a cyanide pill from time to time for his set of medications but have a sneaking suspicion that he might be immune to them cause of microdosing from years of assassination attempts

But lets muddle up the timeline again, i wonder like, will Charlie still kidnap mc even tho shes abstinent? Like no interest in dating other people, or interest in her dogs or interest in having children, she does her own NPC thing. But religiously rejects Charlie like muscle memory from clicking the "X" on a popup ad, will he still snap or will he just sees it as "oh well i can work with this"

Or like mc gets so spooked with all this groundhog day thing that she moves back in with the parents and refuses to budge, becomes a NEET,, will he still kidnap her ? Or kidnap her family in a twist of events

If they ever get married would he let mc see her family or is it a "god i fuckin hate my in laws , we are not going to the barbeque" type of deal?

I also keep thinking about the engagement announcement party near the end of the book, cause im a gal who has a really reactive bowel when nervous or uncomfortable or feeling strong emotions in general, i was thinking what if during the entire thing mc is stuck in the toilet and missed everything , including Elian and Charlie's top 5 freakouts of all time, so while you nuked the toilet, charlie nukes the whole place down. That would be funny i think

But yeah literally if i were in the story i would spend a great deal of time jailed to a toilet, i would literally miss every show of his because out of anger shits, i feel that would make him smoke a couple extra cigarettes that day and maybe even cry because it is force of nature, he cant conquer nature

Or can he? 👀

I feel like if this happens in the 1920's Charlie would consider lobotomizing mc but im glad its in the 70's

Do u think he would binge watch trashy TV reality shows and clutch his pearls whenever drama happens

Wow this is a long waffle, thanks for reading and until then, i shall be painfully yearning for more Charlemagne content

- Charlemagne Simp Anon (can i claim this anon pls)

Holy shit. Okay. When I saw how long this ask was, my eyes went wide like. My dude, this is a whole essay. I gotta put it under a special tag because I think this is the longest ask I've ever gotten and there's a lot of funny stuff from this. It's so wild to me that you would reread it so often?? That whole first paragraph really just shocked me.

These are a lot of thoughts you bring. A lot. Most I'm not even sure how to react to or how to respond. The part about his age though got me, because I know for a fact that Charlemagne would still be pulling crazy stunts at that age, like crashing the biggest fashion galas despite being on the ban list specifically because he's caused scenes in the past. Also, he would 100% watch horrible reality tv shows and clutch his pearls.

Unfortunately, I don't plan to make any Charlemagne content for the future, unless I had this groundbreaking idea and I see that The Devil reaches another milestone.

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

hiiiiiiii we havent sent you any asks for some time. mostly because kanra didnt front much

[idk if you can recognize us after all the url changes]

ereyesterday our their of pissed suggested getting into an outpatient psychward and told us to think about it. and silver[headmate] made a post on the tumbler saying that this could be a bad idea because somewhat recently i made a hole in a wall and less than a week ago Lyra messed up a cupboard. as if we're the only ones who on occasion damage stuff when angered. this is literally so mean for no reason.

also. a few months ago shinra had an accident with a knife. and we got a fun new 1 inch long scar and possibly a little bit of nerve damage or something. and we were supposed to get some reminder tetanus shot around a month after that since i had no idea when was my previous tetanus shot. and i uhhhhhhh didn't get it since i'm scared of doctors, and it would probably seem quite weird if i went to a doctor about this now

also im sorta balding but. scared of doctors so cant do anything about that

last sunday i was in some social studies class or some other shit. and the teacher said something about how lgbt people were never oppressed in this country. which is a very bold thing to say as someone living in a country in which like a quarter of the area declared itself a "lgbt free zone" and only calmed down a little when the european onion told them that that's probably illegal. and i decided to argue with the teacher a bit. one of the things she said was that sometimes there's dudes in pup masks on pride parades, which invokes disgust and thus should be banned, and. idk why but i kinda expected teachers to have a bit more common sense than 14 year old twitter users. also i came to school wearing a spiked dog collar on a regular basis. [for reasons unrelated to kink.]

well. good thing i'm failing every single one of my classes lmao. at least i won't be invoking disgust in fragile old ladies

also. i just met a doggy and he was very niceys. very soft and friendly. and polite also.

- toby

HOW COULD I NOT RECOGNIZE U MY BESTIE IN CHRIST <3 u changed ur url a binch of times but ur icon remained the same sdlfndnfkjsnsdf so i was able to keep track!

i however do not understand a single word of that first paragraph. if u want my advice, DO NOT. FUCKING GO. TO A PSYCH WARD!!!!! idfc Who it helped, it hurts a lot more than it helps, theres NO WAY to tell which psych wards are good and which are shit. no really let me go thru them all rn:

REFERRALS: most professionals that work in different offices do not know each other on a personal level and may never hear of their bad stories. a doctor that was the chillest coolest doctor id ever met referred me to a psychiatrist that sucked fucking ass shit. there is no way to know for sure

GOOGLE REVIEWS: im gonna b real i dont trust some of those mfs. you seen the guys that go into psych wards? a lot of mentally ill people r internalizers and just accept whatever happens to them, and even if they arent, society looks down on the mentally ill SO MUCH that they could b told "you deserve this bc ur crazy" and due to all this societal gaslighting, theyd agree

REVIEWS ON OTHER WEBSITES: same thing lol

why is this so important? because you cannot Fucking leave a psych ward. an outpatient ward yeah you can leave, but ive been to both in and outpatient and they excert the same level of bullshit control over their patients. in outpatient, one of the therapist told me "you are not mentally ill" and made me cry lol. she MEANT to mean it in a "you're not mentally ill, you're ~suffering from a mental illness~ uwu dont let ur disorder define you" kinda way, but that concept was introduced in therapy..... two days after she told me this. like hello? and then she tried to spin it as like, it was a problem with Me i.e. My PTSD Was Triggered and not She Is Dog Shit At Timing The Explaining Of Concepts.

this place also invited my abuser into group therapy even after me incessantly telling them "this is my abuser, she will use all this against me" and yeah guess what she did immidiatley after lol

dont go to wards.

WRT THE KNIFE: damn :0 thats insane dude, hopefully the nerve damage will heal but from experience its gonna take like, a few years at minimum lmao. i had a Knife Incident involving my pinky and the nerve damage was so bad that i couldnt hold scissors w my pinky in the scissor loop thing but evenchually it got better but it took like 4 years. if the knife was clean and not rusty ur risk of tetanus is pretty low i THINK, do not quote me on this. if ur scared of doctors, look into if ur pharmacy offers tetanus shots! some pharmacies have vaccinations other than flu and covid (which i need 2 get lol rip) so u might be able to get one THERE and not see A Doctor about it!

u dont need a doctor for the balding. minoxidil my dear boy, its at walmart, its the stuff thats in rogaine. you want "minoxidil 5%" thats whats in rogaine, theres "minoxidil 3%" thats For Girls but idk ive never heard of anyone having a problem w it. IT IS TOXIC TO CATS THOUGH IT IS VERY VERY TOXIC TO CATS IF YOU HAVE A CAT DO NOT LET THEM FUCKING TOUCH YOU OR RUB ON YOU UNTIL IT DRIES ok? :) id google more if i were u but boom. problem solved. i am the doctor now

"dog masks invoke disgust and should be banned" babygirl disgust is subjective and like, someone could use that logic to ban whatever YOU like, or Are. maybe someone is really disgusted by lil old ladies bc the wrinkles look gross as fuck to them. should we quarrantine the grandmas?

also lol at the dig against 14 year old internet puritans and then surprise surprise guess what happened on This Very Blog while this ask was sitting n collecting dust!! i gotta b on my best behavior bc theres a nonzero chance that The Feds will be looking at this blog (did u know u dont report cybercrime to local police and instead theres a form on the fbi's website? Well Now You Know!) and that goes 4 all of u too. bart please be good..... for the love of GOD please be good....... please tell me yall know that simpsons scene

also also yay doggy!! was it a regular dog or a dude in a pup mask? either way very fun n cool!!!

[hikari-ni-naritai]

@vivi266 CRUELLY REFUSED to tag me in this but she said anyone could do it if they wanted to so im going to.

Name? emily. you can call me hikari too unless youre two very specific people for a very specific reason.

Pronouns and gender? she/her girl<3

Sexuality? lesbian

Country? usa u_u

Top 5 fandoms? ffxiv, otherside picnic, pmmm, arknights, limbus company despite not playing it

What is your Most forbidden snack? what cruel mistress is forbidding snacks....? spoon of peanut butter.

Would you pet a bug? depends on the bug.

Share a weird fact/story about yourself with the class. uhh. heres a weird fact, ive only ever had dreams about sex twice, and neither time was with a person id ever consider fucking in real life.

What does the color blue taste like? unsaturated. you could put more flavor into it but you didnt and i appreciate it.

What is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? ive seen a lot of beautiful things but i think possibly the most beautiful was the sunset over the pacific ocean when my family took me to hawaii in high school.

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? uhhh. damn what would it be. ive done a lot of stupid shit in my life. staying with my college girlfriend for so long, maybe?

Stupidest thing you've seen/heard someone else do/say? i could not even begin to rank that. yesterday i stopped a job to take my lunch and marked clearly where to pick up, and the girl who picked it up from me couldnt figure out where id left off and ended up working from about 7 pages before i stopped, leaving a bright pink pickup point 5 pages later. absolutely nothing was accomplished.

Hyperfixation song? if you mean what song am i hyperfixating on right now, its the whole album 'still a Sigure virgin?' by ling tosite sigure. but if i had to deem one song a "hyperfixation song", it would be 'Between Two Worlds' by Mili, which is the song i listened to nonstop for 7 days straight, causing the entire plot and world of a dnd campaign to spawn in my brain like a fungus.

Is there any meaning behind your profile picture and/or username? 'hikari ni naritai' is a personal creed i have. i need to become better and brighter and warmer. there is no goal, only continually surpassing my current self. my icon is my final fantasy 14 character of the same name.

Dream career as a child? ice cream man. in middle school through part of high school i wanted to design a robot you could control with your brain like in a book series i really liked at the time about a boy who was born on mars and became paraplegic after they gave him Control Robots With Your Brain surgery.

Dream career as an adult? would love to work on visual novels. studioelan if youre hiring hmu the only thing i can reliably do is proofreading/quality checking.

Thoughts on cilantro? put it in my salsa please.

Have you ever been banned from a location and if so, why? uhh i dont think so.

What is your cursed food combination? idk how cursed it is but the #1 thing you can put on a hot dog is crushed doritos. not even a fuckin contest. however the most cursed food combination ive ever tried was a chicken nugget with chocolate sauce in it. the flavors refused to combine in any way and it was like i was eating a chicken nugget and also chocolate sauce separately not at the same time. it was a weird experience.

Trans rights? we're on the trans rights website. im different tho i support trans wrongs too

[dxmnsvoid]

what are your mates like?

ohh ya fucked up now . never ask me about my mates unless youre prepared for a massive rant

full answer under the cut but basically;

they are . incredible . its just . no words can describe how much i fucking love them . oh man . seriously i just . insert 729389 heart emojis . 38283 errors . void.exe has stopped working .

okay so my first mate ? fuck okay . love of my life . not even joking when i say he had me from day one . with his stupid fuckinf im only nice when i have to be bs . i very well could . sounds an awful lot like . dont doubt the fact . screaming crying . he doesnt get jokes sometimes hes a little dense until i explain it and he sometimes doesnt know words for everyday things like he called shampoo "hair soap" and he called contacts "boneless glasses" , hes getting better at handwriting now though im so proud of him <3 hes so incredibly understanding and caring and affectionate oh man . oh man . baby boy puppy boy doggy pup baby :) he makes me laugh so easily when his one little braincell is working so hard to function . hes such a dummy sometimes . loves frogs . got me froggy plushie . he worries about me more than he worries about himself most of the time and hes super protective . and i fucking love it when he gets possessive . dog boy . once again . my angel <3 did i mention hes half demon half angel . yeah thats cool thats nice pretty awesome right yeah . we got married also . yeah .

okay im gonna stop myself there i have another mate to talk about

right so my other mate . theyre brothers btw . yeah but this one is . pure demon . hes also super understanding and shit . sometimes we clash a bit bc both of us have . slight anger issues <3 . but anyway were learning how to deal w it obviously . hes a creep though , loves stalking me and stuff (but wouldnt if i didnt want them to) and oh man mf legit told their friend to stalk me instead and report back to him while they were away <33 this bitch wrote me a Song can u believe that a song as a gift for when they asked me to be his mate aaaa okay also fucker can Draw theyre so talented . loves being called pretty boy :) bun bunny hes a liddle bunny guy yeah . they get so protective and possessive too mmm yeah . also two ?? two of them . ttwo of Them . no further explanation just two of them . yum . anyway they got the jokes and got the memes . ohh all the roses for this one oh yeah all the roses and strawberries . also all the crystals .

did i mention theyre both so hot n sexy . big strong alphas mhrr . princes of hell also cant forget that one . and most importantly theyre both just big idiots and im in love with them . they would do anything for me and id do anything for them .

very sorry if this isnt what you were expecting or anything but like . you asked and my brain just started vomiting out words and this is the result so youre welcome .

[hakuna-my-ass]

Call me a bitch one more time

Maybe ill believe you

Call me a whore again

Maybe ill conceive you

Call me a slut to my face

Maybe ill believe you

Cause the way

I wade through the dirt

Is a pain

You cant see through

Call me your mom, call me your baby, call me your daughter

Call me whatever you want

I thank god im not your father

I would beat you, mistreat you, just like mine did

I wouldnt eat you, id leave you

To rot in your sins

Not here to please you, just deal you with the cards of your kin

Calling me your queen wont work cause bitch im a goddess

On the scene when i twerk

Cant help it im flawless

Tell me again how youre gonna cum all over my face

Show me again the way i feel pain

Tell me again about my ass and my titties

Like my uterus wasnt enough to give a buck fifty

Ya'll niggas iffy, filthy... long john? miss me!

Your bullshit squishy

According to the stars and the cards im a bull, hard headed

According to my pops, he's a dog, im hot headed

If i listened to any of you bitches id be mal tempered

I guess this is why rap was invented

Telling me i got legs for days when i got bills to pay dont distract me with your petty bullshit

I got brains for decades dont trash me ill behead you

Asking me for head? Youd rather be dead

Spitting on your grave, does that count?

Illy for years, been down south

Been in cuffs but i was rough before they tried to put me down

Like i cant fight, dont have might, i wear my horns like a fucking crown

Cause just like a bull i see red

But as a taurian i get paid diamonds, no respect

So tell me again how horny you are and how i make you

Show me again how you cum

And i may believe you

Born in May so its easy to distinguish sun from rain

All ya'll bitches run when you see me in pain

Cause my limit is about where my choker is

You helped me reach it so lets not forget i know how to choke a bitch

Like i said call me a bitch one more time

Call me dumb, ill show you whats mine

Cause none y'all have the stripes im covered in

Chinese eyes, my chinese sign starts roarin in this bitch

Y'all came straight outta hell

I came from something even lower

Learned and broke yall spells STOP FUCKING CALLING ME BROKEN

THIS BITCH IS BAD NO MAGICIAN COULD CLONE HER

They tried and failed not even the universe could own her

Put her in a ditch, shell make a pie and make you eat

Youll attempt to take everything

Fucking fakes nothing more than leeches

Got poems so old, damn i should start preachin

Cant say ive never been to church

The bible aint a secret

Y'all preaching to the choir

So i brought a choir just to sing this

Bring me down to the ground

I might believe you

Silencing me

Wicho irritating sounds

Yous a nuisance

Thinking yous all that?

But aint got time to prove it

GOD MADE ME BLIND BUT I SEE RIGHT THROUGH IT

The grass is greener where i smoke it

The waist got leaner

Now they tryna poach it

Taking credit for my successes, my strength, my will and why im the bestest

But i didnt see NONE of yall when I was in duress, hella stressed, just tryna make it out w me n mine

Yet over time i realised its just me and im mine

To make things CLEAR

Im not here to fall into your sextraps

Sextrolling while im rolling

Youre fucked cause i got strapped

Youve never seen a gem like me?

Thats common knowledge.

Oeh im so different?

Caught me yawning

Turned up the degrees to see where youre boiling

Dashed so fast couldnt even keep it a hunnid

Annoying. Disgusting.

As a vegetarian i dont eat meat

Why dfq do u think id wanna see yours when i open my feed

Yall aint got nothin better to do than to focus

On fucking

I got better shit and poo so i focus on commas

The only zeros im interested in are the ones on my bankaccount

I like danger and dangerous numbers that make me moan and shout

Not yo itty bitty dick wrapped up in clout

Next time you see me dont ask me how im doing cause good girls do it bad and bad girls do it badder and im the worst

Your sins cant make it better

ON GOD

Scratch that

Royal Deity

The unholiest chick with the most purity

Chique, fine and thick

But you wouldnt know bout nunna that

Intelligent, since we keepin it straight facts

Sharp shooter, never miss my aim

Even if i fail, still winnin this game

S/o to all the gamers, the players, the fakers

Addressin y'all as my main haters

Slapping my insecurities in my face

Like i might do somethin w it

Undress, heaving chest, make a mess in the kitchen

Callin me gay just cause yall aint got a pot to piss in

Mad pissed, yall blocked, try to mess with this bitch

On all fours like a horse come too close ill stomp ya face in

Insulting me vagée, she's not an animal, yall the pussies

Saying put it on my face

Like you got the right or earned it

Yall demands undeserving

High on supply i dont follow commands

Baby your stressed let me help you with that

Bitch please take a seat id rather do a handstand

Know your place before its too late and yo ass gets jabbed

Call me baby one more time i might believe it

Call me sweet once mlre and ill know youre deceivin

Call me your love, your honey, babycakes, babygirl

Havent been a baby since i entered this world

Tell me that you love me one more time and ill bust out my edges, limited edition blade collection

Jessica rabbit blasian

Blazing stages

Saying you wanna fuck

So i did

Sorry not sorry i fucked you up instead

Mustve been a slice of miscommunication

Over time i developed a bullshit translator

Not sick in the head, just sick of y'all

Planning me demise and downfall

Ik ben een lijdende leider, een overlevende strijder

Thats why i give myself errything i be wantin

Preparin myself for these scheming ass bitches that be hauntin

Mightve gotten startled in the past

But im badder and better so issa wrap

[vermanaward]

6.4 thoughts: msq + panda

msq

felt a bit like wheel spinning tbh. a lot of back and forth building up to a whole lot of nothing reveals. 'capitalism saves the day part n: garlemald edition' was very zzz. we had this exact same plotline with the ala mhigan refugees subsisting on charity and this being bad for them because only capitalism can give your life meaning or something. brainworms, man. at least i didnt have to be polite to lolorito this time ig.

i did msq before panda only bc i was killing time before my static got their asses online and fourchy getting sulky because i'd left a nightmare in his basement made me smile.

dungeon is neat. music is nice, scenery is pretty, bosses are fast paced and have interesting mechs. gear i think is eden + deepshadow.

the 'zero ran into golbez and dude currently cosplaying golbez back in the day' reveal was obvious as soon as her first exposition came up (even if i didnt call current golbez being the blonde dude right away). personally i would have seeded that reveal earlier but that's me assuming people i write for would pay attention. i've been working for a while on the assumption that the flood of darkness was caused somehow by zodiark's shard being released (maybe that was iggy's bright idea for the rejoining, even; unleash the fragment of her god that was stuck in the shard, only for it to go extremely pete tong). i wish we'd spent more time in 13th!lamentorum. been able to explore a ruined watcher's hangout and find records of how shit went tits up here. voidsent lopporits. pls.

i did like zero's character growth though. figuring out what trust is. what a friend is. [zero voice] 'the wol is friend shaped' /sage nod

yshtola's assumption that the death of the partially rejoined zodiark would have dissipated the rest of his shards though felt like. why would you ever assume that. like when ardbert died that didnt kill the wol. ??? lady you are making no sense

as much as im glad we didnt get a full rehash of iv with golbez being mind controlled by zeromus etc it's still. kind boring that he's a souped up voidsent. golbez being teased with endcaller in the pll feels more like a bait/switch. i still want zodiark (savage) (or dog forbid zodiark (ultimate)) but unless 6.5 seriously pulls the rug out im not expecting much.

normal trial is a lot of fun. took me i think 4 or 5 pulls at like 1am? which you dont often see a normal trial which takes multiple pulls. most people were first time ofc but. the ex should be fun. much improved over rubicante but. low bar etc. music is pretty pog, its more a fantasia on ff4 themes than Yet Another Four Fiends Rearrangement. weapons are all pretty nice too.

panda tier 3

athena came in swinging a steel chair and i love herfor it. mad scientist mothwoman wife. didnt call hermione simping for her but honestly same. i enjoyed that eric told her to fuck all the way off.

athena: you're useless. >'( eric: yeah, and who literally just admitted to deliberately making me that way!!! >(

love that man. deserves much better parents than he got stuck with.

bananabread being bananabread is simultaneously the most boring and narratively satisfying option. to begin with i was like 'im not 100% you're that scenery chewing nutjob i know and meme on' but then he re-embraced his id and im just. okay nm yeah you're him, 100%

part of me is disappionted we never got to Say The Line to lid and part of me is kind a relieved they didnt go there.

the heart of sabik kinda came out of fucking nowhere, did nothing, and then fucked off. confirmed for a shard of the high seraph, i guess. when the scientist guy was holding it at my wol at the end all i could think is that it would be taking every ounce of her self control not to snatch it out of his hand and run off giggling like a gremlin. gib ultima plx.

(something something if athena/bananabread/eric/lid are them but made from memories stamped onto a soul, then... not to be a fraywol shipper on main, but....)

fights were fun. arenas are all gorgeous. p9's music is... weird but either it will grow on me or i'll just listen to something else. p10 and p12 do some cool things with the arenas. p11 manages to avoid being Seat Of Sacrifice... 2! but ig we'll see how savage shakes out. p12 i'm hype for phase 2 just bc Ultima's Perfection (Endwalker).

gear i am aggressively meh about most of the armour but the weapons are all v nice.

[s-omething]

today is january 10 in 2023 and i thought i’d be happy by now.  that i’d feel at home and alive. turns out “home” just feels like some kind of extention of myself: if i’m good, it is good. if i’m not okay, it rots with me.  it isn’t filled with friends, laughs, cries, conversations, connections. no one comes, i sit in silence most of the time, looking at nothing. i have been distant, but at some point i make all efforts i could of reaching out and i guess my heart broke, i dont think friends want anything to do with me tbh.  i cant stop my mind racing on what i might have done wrong, i came up with too many answers without proof.  i thought i’d be less lonely, not more. i believed my dogs would be happier, now it just seems like i ruined their lives with my melancholy.  i buy the food i like but i still dont feel like eating it. i still drink myself to sleep sometimes, and sometimes drinking doesn’t do it either, the anxiety stays there, turns into anger.  i don’t have fun.  i am writing this today because i’m supposed to be learning to read my feelings, understand and accept them and work on communicating them, honestly it just feels like im getting it all wrong ‘cause i take too long to make it make sense and the answer is that im making drama out of small things.  i dont understand that, considering i soothe myself, do not show much emotion, control what comes out and swallow the most of it when i need to talk about it. i try to be practical and direct so they wont have a negative reaction or judgement out of it.  i think im bending to melancholic loneliness again and it’s terrifying. i have to be careful if i get sad because if it wins over me i might not get out of bed or eat or clean, work, pay bills, take my dogs for enough walks and just end up failing.  im not supposed to fail, im supposed to be happy, im home with my dogs and i am free.  am i cursed? why isnt it working? its already been 2 months, i was supposed to be okay. cooking isn’t fun anymore, i just drag myself to do it so i dont starve or get sick. while i cook i just resent myself in the fact that i will have to actually eat it later. it makes me anxious. i dont want to cook anymore.  turns out food will rot if you dont eat it, and i hate wasting food, it makes me anxious as well.  i made everything look the best i could, decorating as id like and now i absolutely hate it, to the point i avoid looking at details too long.  i have this urge to make things disappear if im not using them, it feels like too much, like they are not only standing there in the house, but standing inside my brain occupying space i don’t have. it doesn’t take too long, if i haven’t used something in a week, it starts to haunt me.  it’s been 6 hours. i finally had some bread, i had to, i could not open the bottle because of my weak ass hands.  i should cook real food, i know that, i can’t stop thinking about it.  there’s one meal left in the fridge and then im out, no meal. but i should have eaten it yesterday, its diner time today and i still couldn’t.  being honest here, i dont miss the way things were at all, i absolutely hated it and it was hell. i do miss my friends, i miss having people around, i miss having hope and plans. i daydreamed about what future would look like, now im in that future and everything is real but turns out im still me. maybe ill just never be okay.  it’s not that im not satisfied with my accomplishments, its not its just i got here, yay.. now what? i dont want anything, thinking of wanting something makes me anxious, i dont... want to want anything.  see, if i wanted all of this and i got it and im still a sad piece of shit, what’s the point? contini tastes like my 19th birthday. i drink it and feel the exact same feeling from that april 14th in 2018. i dont want anything from the future, i dont know how to accept help cause it honestly feels like torture, i love my friends but im certain i already lost them, i only listen to one song per day, repetely  thinking of changing into something else, listening to various songs or anything like that makes me want to rip out my skin on overwhelm. should i go back to anti depressants? i hate them, i hate being numb, i hate that they don’t make me happy or sad or angry or anything but empty. i absolutely will not do without orgams.  i kinda wish someone would beat me up so i could focus on something real and not stupid feelings that are just inside my brain yet having the power to paralyze me. i just need to cook some fucking food. maybe you can’t have friends correctly if you have depression, maybe i should just cook tomorrow. 

[sweetestberryofthebunch]

1, 2, 3, 11, 14, 19, 23, 24, 29, 31, 34, 38, 42, 43, and 46. id say im sorry but i am not. i want to know more hehe

Oh sweet JESUS! Everyone will hate you for giving me the opportunity to talk so much lmao Let’s get to it I guess :0

1: What are your comfort characters?

Sally McKenna and Misty Day. Rosa Diaz. Black Widow. Willam in A Star Is Born. Every little bitch from the Hobbit/Lord of the rings. Cheddar the dog and Lil Poundcake.

2: lighter or matches?

Matches!! I have literally lit blunts with a match lmfao

3: do you leave a window open at night?

YES! As Long as possible at least, once we reach huge minus degrees I can’t do that anymore so I leave it open as long as possible and only close right before sleep. I need the air or I can’t sleep that well lmfao.

11: favorite extracurricular activity?

Theater and Choir, I was one of those bitches :3 I also wrote articles for the campus newspaper but that got shut down when I was a junior cause we were only three people left :(

14: do you love the smell of earth after it rains?

YES I live for shit like that. Gimme that earthy smell, I could swim in the mud.

19: imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

I’d paint tiny motifs on them :3

23: how do you feel about chilly weather?

Stunning as long as I can be inside most of the time.

24: if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

Smoke a blunt, you’d have to listen to me info dumping about astronomy and stars. I’d ask you deep questions about your wildest dreams an shit. We could sing some Fleetwood Mac 🥺

29: how do you like your shower water?

Hot hot hot in winter, ice cold after working out or in the summer :3

31: what type of music keeps you grounded?

Not to be a fucking emo but definitely the older twenty one pilots albums 🥺 I have a playlist with songs I can hum when I start to dissociate or have a panic attack coming

34: is there a song you know every word to by heart?

Read U Wrote U

38: a soap bar that smells good?

Lavender or basil!

42: an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

Definitely documents and stardew valley mobile!

43: what’s your take on spicy foods?

I love them in Theorie but I’m a baby so I put lots of cream in to weaken the spice ;-;

45: favorite holiday film?

It’s a Christmas tradition to watch all lord of the rings movies for my dad and I often join.