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iamlithiuminati · 4 years

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*Please note, the below are from my personal experiences and opinions. I will not be naming any person or hospital within my stories. I will show evidence, and censor any needed information, to back up my story. Please note, if you are feeling suicidal then please call 911 and speak with an operator as soon as possible. In addition, all artwork is the property of the artist. Some artist’s names cannot be located.*

Amongst my depression, social anxiety disorder, and my supposed “cannabis abuse disorder”, I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder. I had been diagnosed for the past 5 years with major depressive disorder, and social anxiety. Well, since I just recently found out I had bipolar disorder, I didn’t realize my depression medications, that I had been taking for the past 5 years had actually been making my manic symptoms much more severe; unannounced to me. Studies show, if taking depression medication while one has bipolar disorder, it can negatively affect moods. Now, a little background, bipolar disorder is a mood disorder, where an individual cannot control their moods. These moods typically range from extreme highs to extreme lows, to feeling absolutely nothing at all. With bipolar 1 disorder, a person will have more elevated and severe manic moods than depressive moods. Now with bipolar 2 disorder, a person will have more depressive states, and have hypomania states. Hypomania is a milder form of being manic, but still heavily prevalent in the disease.

I always felt there was more than just depression that I was suffering from when I first sought a doctor out in 2015. However, the doctors would never listen to my suggestions. I spoke with many doctors over the past 5 years. The thing that angers me the most is when people ask me “Well, did tell your doctor this?” As that one of the most common responses back I get when talking to people. Yes, I have told numerous doctors about my symptoms and how I was feeling. I was ignored. Yet, because my father would never get tested for mental illness and his side of the family has no history of mental illness, my doctors would never rule me as having bipolar disorder. Which, in my opinion, is very dumb. But who knows more about myself than a doctor I saw 1 time, right?

Why did I feel the doctors were incorrect? Because I watched my own behavioral patterns, personal movements, even speech patterns, and observing my own family members try to find what illness I had so I could eventually treat my madness. I knew depressive people were not so angry and are able to control their moods better. Finally, in July 2020, I told my 6th psychiatrist he needed to listen to me. I was finally diagnosed correctly. He was either going to listen to me, or I was going to become another statistic. I am now on proper medication. Bipolar disorder is one of the most expensive mental illnesses to treat and diagnose. My medical bills prove it. It cost me anywhere from $3k to $6k a year just to treat my mental illness. Without insurance, it would be more. However, at the end of the day. My life is worth so much more than money, worth more than gold, and worth more than medical bills. I am done. I found my voice, and this system better watches out. Because mental healthcare is about to get called out. This is one of the most difficult things I have ever dealt with in my life. This will never end. No. No, stimulus check will help. I have a permanent illness that will never go away, that I have to continuously treat.

Where many people would have given up, committed suicide, and not seen the 6 different psychiatrists, 3 different counselors, 1 – 4-day stay at an inpatient hospitalization for suicidal ideation in 2019, 1 extensive outpatient therapy program designed for 6 weeks – 4 days a week for 3 hours a day, weening on and off several handfuls of different medications, wrong ones, right ones, fucked up ones, a denied trip to the mental hospital for suicidal ideation in 2015, then finally being accepted 4 years later to the mental hospital for suicidal ideation.

Through all these struggles I kept going and going. I kept going with all these obstacles against me, all while still taking care of my relationship, taking care of my mental health while still on the wrong medications, taking care of our children aka dogs, receiving promotions, and praise at work. I held myself together. I felt it all inside, a madness. I wanted to scream, I wanted to run. I didn’t know where to run, or where to scream where no one would hear me. Where no one would worry about me if I just needed to explode. I was constantly putting everyone and everything else besides myself first, and as a priority in life, and it had been eating me up.

Statistics show I already have an average of 9.2 years taken off my life span, due to me having bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder affects approximately 2.3% of the U.S. population, affecting more women than men. Some of the medication I take that helps treat this illness, also has damming effects to the body, as well. This does not mean only weight gain. But I am referring to the shrinkage, and damage to your central cortex. This can occur if taking certain medications daily, for many, many years. Additionally, 1 in 5 people who suffer from bipolar 1 disorder, will commit suicide, and that statistics doubles for people who have bipolar 2 disorder. Now, you may understand why it is so important for me to keep myself grounded, levelheaded, and away from any negativity.

But, you know what statistics also show? Statistics also show that people with bipolar disorder are more empathetic, more creative, and more talented than other individuals. Research says this is due to people with this disorder using their talents as an outlet of their mania. It kind of helps them speak externally. Carrie Fischer was one of my idols, who suffered from bipolar disorder. If you have time look up her interviews about the manic depressive disorder, which is also known as bipolar disorder.

I have recently found a new light, and I am trying to stay grounded and speak my truth. People have thanked me for telling my story, and I just want people to know that you are not alone. I thought I was alone, left in a very dark place for many years. You can make it, you can and will survive this. On a personal side note, I do take work and my work ethic seriously. Some call me a workaholic, but work feeds my mania. Where drugs, drinking, and social engagement feed other’s mania, work always fed mine. If my story can help someone, touch someone, save a life, make them smile, this is all worth it to me. If I can ultimately erase a statistic of suicide, then that is a life well worth living to me. This is not my journey alone. Yes, this is my story, but there are millions of people across the world that have and are currently suffering.

I found a quote that I’d like to share that I feel perfect grasps at what being Bipolar actually is minorly like, below.

“I have bipolar 2 disorder:

My moods change more often than the seasons, and with that my moods, my energy levels change also. I am either too up, or too down, but I am rarely in between. When I am down, I cannot just snap out of it. I cannot think positively to make it all go away. I can barely pull myself out of bed and into the shower. Being around people is just too hard. I do not always feel sad sometimes I feel nothing at all. It may seem like I am giving up, but this is when I am fighting my hardest, just to stay alive. When I am up, life is wonderful. Nothing can go wrong, and I have all the energy in the world. I want to go out, I want to DO, I want to accomplish. I am confident. I talk too fast, and I think too fast. And it bothers me when those around me cannot keep up. Sometimes I am irritable or snappy. I want things done my way. I want everything done at once. I am impulsive. I like being up more than being down, but I am down much, much more often. The hardest part of the disorder is that I never know when my mood will change. It is a rollercoaster, and it is exhausting to ride a rollercoaster every day of your life. I hide what I am going through in order to make you feel more comfortable, and I am tired. I did not ask for this any more than a person asks for cancer. I fight it every single day. I AM STRONGER THAN YOU KNOW”

I respect people who recognize that they have a mental illness, and/or take preventative maintenance, and take medication for it. That is the socially responsible thing to do. I feel people who do not take medication will ultimately blame their negative behaviors on their illness, and not take ownership, or responsibility. I take medications and I feel alright. Yes, I do not work as fast, and my thought processes have totally changed. But I am still the same person at the end of the day. I have no time for drama or negative people with the limited time I have in this world. You do you, and I will do me. However, the last thing anyone will pretend to be is better than anyone else. Because chances are people aren’t better than anyone else. God knows I am not. You are only as sick as your secrets, and I have none.

I will not be silenced because it may make one feel uncomfortable talking about a subject. Welcome to my life, and the 21st century.

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dorothyliker420 · 7 years

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huuhhoOh my GOD slrprfrsrfl(more lip licking noises)ooooh my GOd whoaoaohah. *huffing* a completeed chorus 2! HOLY SHIT oh my gohd

(silky made me this image as per request ily silky)

WELL HERE WE GO!!!!!!! A COMPLETED CHORUS CHAPTER 2!!!!!!!! CLOCKING IN AT 20,588 FUCKING WORDS AND 45 PAGES IN GOOGLE DOCS! lets see how many bs words I can add to that count am I right ladies

because of, I dont know, any italicization or bolding in the text itself was lost when I copy/pasted it to here so I guess the Experience isnt as Deep BUT ITS ALL GOOD ANYWAY because only I get to type in bold. thats how you know its me and not a rabble, but I also italicized lines that I really wanted to talk about

ill put all the Canon Real Text in an indent tho happy reading,

A Long Awaited Duet ---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

The new canon is that in between those dashes is a really terrible swear word that the author censored with asterisks. only he knows it and he’ll unleash it when you criticize his fic

Pacing quickly around her room in a long, frustrated circle, Lisette’s worries were quickly drawing to a boiling point.

lisette’s circles make me long and frustrated am I right fellow dudes

Typically, she was a very easy-going person, the kind of girl who’d shrug off most concerns and instead focus on keeping a positive outlook. However, after spending her entire morning going through the motions, feeling trapped in a listless, uneasy funk, even she couldn’t help but be affected. It was almost noon already and still she couldn’t move her thoughts past yesterday’s tea party, to the look she’d seen weathered across Alto’s face.

Lisette is right to be threatened and uneasy. this is like the scene in the opening where the village is getting crystallized and its too late for rosa and shes like SAVE YOURSELF except instead its sexification

She hadn’t had the courage to say anything at the time, but it had haunted her thoughts ever since. Making it worse, when she’d attempted to find her mother to ask her for her advice, she hadn’t been able to find her anywhere, so she’d wound up simply spending the previous night with Marie.

the ghosts of the last chapter vaguely implying alto is too horney to sleep in the same bed as marie have returned and im frightened

“He’s… he’s still on edge, isn’t he?”

It wasn’t right. The fighting was over and peace had been won, but even when he should have been relaxing with his friends, Alto was still wearing the same guarded, strained expression. It was the same heart-breaking look she’d seen from her friend all throughout their battles, at all the times she’d stood at his die, watching him make the most difficult decisions of his life.

STOOD AT HIS DIE

She didn’t think any of the others had noticed. Perhaps she was the only one that would even be able to recognise the difference, after all, she was the only one who’d known him before all this. Back in Mithra he hadn’t been anything like that, he’d smiled freely and his gaze had was always carefree, to the point of being cheeky. Their entire lives had changed ever since she became a Witch and he followed to become her Knight… but she’d always hoped all this time that it could still return to how it was when everything was finally over.

“No,” she corrected herself, her body sagging with a deep sigh. There wasn’t any point lying to herself about this, “I’m not that naïve, I always knew it wouldn’t be that easy…”

“gee” said lisette out loud to herself with no one else around, “I am lisette from the video game stella glow. I am five foot four and my blood type is

Because, she knew Alto. And she knew, for him, that it had never been about the battles. He didn’t fear fighting, he would recklessly throw himself into danger without even a second’s thought if it meant he could help someone. As she’d told him so many times, his overwhelming compassion was both his best and worst trait. He was courageous to the point of stupidity, all he cared about was protecting the people important to him, keeping the people he loved safe and happy, as best he could. That was all the fighting had ever meant to him. And that was why she’d always known it couldn’t possibly be that easy for him.

im giving this alto analysis a 2 alto is a liberal degenerate who really loves hunting and also u dont know anything about him jl “AWOOOGAA” davenport if u tell me about him again ill kill you

Crying out in annoyance, Lisette slumped across the room and threw herself onto her bed, sinking deep into the large, soft mattress as if to try let it absorb a fraction of her worries.

I cannot shake the feeling he was thinkin bout her tiddies when he wrote this

‘Alto’s still fighting, even now,’ she knew that. It was a truth she’d struggled to deal with for days now, ‘The war isn’t over for him yet, because he’s still pushing himself to try find a way to keep every one of us happy.’

fuckin dumb ass horny ass bitch. mediocre ass, pathetic ass, money grubbing, fucking stupid bitch ass you dont put apostrophes around thoughts its ugly as shit

It was a painful thought, the elephant in the room and something she hated thinking about. But somehow, not thinking about it, pretending to simply ignore had become even worse.

does lisette know what an elephant is. does that expression exist. this is third person limited so its kind of weird to use that kind of anachronism

After all, if Alto was still fighting, then she wanted to fight alongside him! She was his family, his comrade, his first Witch and even his (prospective) girlfriend,

I had to cut this off because it was next level dumbshit literally anyone is his prospective girlfriend with that state of their relationship. im his prospective girlfriend

there wasn’t a single part of her that wanted to do anything less than to support him with all her might. He was a part of her soul. He was the man she loved and someone who she would never allow herself to be separated from, she’d known those feelings for absolute certainty ever since the moment she’d woken up from death’s door and travelled around the world to stand at his side. Just thinking about him wracking himself with worries and her not helping him was terrifying!

2. that last sentence is the worst written thing in, if not human existence, then the century

And, she spared a glance over at the mirror she’d been avoiding looking at all day, even aside from that, could she really say she was any different? Was she truly able to smile like before, only because their fighting was over?

hackles raised at the prospect of mirror kink

Lisette gave a dry laugh, reaching out and squeezing the small stuffed pig Popo had given her, pressing it against her considerable chest.

1. the pig is kinda cute like maybe but who tf is vending these smutfic items. who is crawling around in the back alleys selling cursed objects that make people horny as fuck. did ewan make a deal with the devil to sell all his twilight-zone-monkey-paw shit from his brief sponsorship with baddragon

2. die

3. lisette’s chest is CONSIDERABLE all right. it makes me CONSIDER ending it all

For all their outward appearances, in this, at least, she doubted it was any different from any of the others, no doubt that was why everything had seemed so off lately, “We’re all just stuck in limbo, aren’t we?”

this is the longest string of indirect pronouns ever like whomst??? and what an eerie sentence to end a section on. though u kno what stay in limbo

---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

those dashes are containing the massive power of the cuss word. if even one of them falters or breaks formation the sheer obscenity would vaporize us all

Unfortunately for Lisette, her self-examination came with no easy answers or steps forward. Even though she’d accepted that being stuck in place as they were was only making things worse for all of them and particularly for Alto, there was no obvious solution she could latch onto, to change things.

this literally picks up? exactly where the previous section ended? like. with information that flows from the previous paragraph. if youre going to make that fucking big then why is it functionally useless

However, now more than ever, she was a determined woman and slowly -as the time passed and the morning faded away into early afternoon- slowly, her resolve held out and she was able to fearlessly consider even the truths she’d previously tried so hard to avoid.

why is this the ugliest formatting ive ever seen have you ever heard of an em dash or, a comma. also im losing shit at Determination Resolve Holding Out Shes Never Done This wasnt this like the sole bad point of her tunings

She knew she loved Alto, that he was the only man who’d ever made her feel complete

But, she also knew that the other Witches felt just the same, she forced herself to accept the fact that he was just as important to them as he was to her.

ok nvm im not done being pissed at The Only Man like yeah lisette its called comphet im rewriting this so that lisette realizes shes a lesbian and also that whole Complete Her thing is all of whats wrong with lisettes arc like all of it this is what men do

It was something they’d all consciously avoided discussing, something that none of them seemed to know how to deal with. Her companions, the other Witches, were all as close as family to her, she loved them all dearly… And yet, they were all competing, in their own way, for the same man.

alto is three years old

She was sure they must feel just as awkward about that as her, there was a reason why even the ever impulsive Popo or the harsh-blunt Sakuya

tell u whats harshing my blunt........this fic ((takes a weed puff

had never said anything and why, no matter how much they talked and how much they shared, this single topic was never once addressed directly, they’d all been working on the same process as her- that it was too strange a situation and too difficult a conversation to deal with, that the best thing to do was simply wait till after the war when Alto would be able to reciprocate their feelings, and then there the problem would solve itself. Well… The war was over. And they were all still tiptoeing around each other’s hearts, all waiting for the same response from the same man. “We must all seem so silly.”

tf were they supposed to do to address it? like lets just accept the gross situation but was they supposed to so call everyone to a room lisette spins around in a big chair and says We’re Here To Discuss The Het or maybe this happens

She could just imagine how ridiculous this situation must appear from the outside; five best friends all in love with the same man, all waiting for him to respond to their feelings and all marooned in the same silent stand-off, walking on eggshells while pretending everything was fine. No doubt her mother found it hilarious.

thats the worst line ive ever seen in my life. oedipus rex has nothing on this bitch

that aside like accepting them all as comphets for the moment. literally never interacted on a regular basis with another boy their age. except hilda I guess but it doesnt matter this is so dumb! yall is a bunch of trauma victims you cant just jump directly into the boinking

“Grrr! This is all your fault Alto! Stupid! Since when did you get so popular anyway!? You weren’t like that in Mithra! You’re just… you’re just too dependable… You mean so much to all of us, we can’t help but love you…”

deadass u told me this was dialogue from the anime where the tiddies bounced when the girl blinked? id believe it

He was their conductor. They all loved him. They all wanted to be with him. They were all waiting for him to favour only them…

dont like how its treated that its an absolute that witches will just fall for their conductor thats like sayin no one is safe around bi ppl. reach perhaps but its the same dumbass ideas

Perhaps that was the worst part of all. The more she thought about it, the more she was starting to realise just what an impossible situation their feelings and expectations had put Alto into. She knew better than anyone just how much he cared for each of them, she’d healed the scars on his body time and again that showed just how far he’d go to protect any of them… And yet, without ever really thinking how, they were all still asking him to then choose between them, to decide which of his Witches he loved the most.

but also I just had the revelation that author does not know what romantic love is like, at all, and the smoke cleared I am enlightened and theres nothing I dont understand

And, she couldn’t help him at all, could barely even support him in what must be an incredibly painful choice for him. All she could do was leave it to him, and trust that when he did choose, that he felt the same way about her as she did about him and they would finally be together. As for the rest… She didn’t know… The thought of him choosing one of the others over her was almost too painful, to terrifying to consider, but the knowledge that her friends would have to go through that was no less terrible…

tired of u demonizing r*mantic love. fuck its th most exhilarating experience of my life. that and having a baby shark sit in my hands. dont give all these Oh No People Get Hurt to justify just fuckin whoever u want

That was the mire they were all stuck in. That was why Alto was still looking so stressed and why none of them had been able to move forwards. There wasn’t anything any of them could do and there was no way to make everyone happy. She frowned bitterly. ‘…Would… Would it even make us happy?’

me, who had never been as happy as I am prior to being in love: hell yeah bitch dis go hard as hell flocka

It was a strange thing to consider, something she’d never once thought before this very moment- she’d thought for so long she was waiting for Alto to return her feelings, she’d wanted so long to be with him and to be together forever. But, would she really be happy like that? Could she truly be happy being with the man she loved at the expense of watching the companions she held dear, the friends she’d bled and cried together with, becoming heartbroken? Mordi, Popo, Sakuya, and especially Hilda, after all they’d been through, after how important she knew Alto was to each of them… Her heart clenched in her chest just imagining it!

if this is a question then ur not in romantic love idiot! shut up

But… That was how it had to be, wasn’t it? They’d all been foolish enough to fall for the same man, there was only one Alto. No.

dumps the big ass mess of gl***ng pr**e poly edits here but im not saving it to my computer so u gotta imagine it

Lisette propped herself up on the bed, a previously unfathomable conclusion quickly becoming clear to her. No. She couldn’t accept that. And Alto surely wouldn’t accept that. He’d never accepted that they couldn’t stop the Eclipse. He hadn’t accepted that they couldn’t fight against God. And, at the end of everything, he’d refused to accept that Mother Qualia had to be their enemy. A solution that put the entire burden on Alto and led to all her friends being heartbroken? How could she ever accept that!? How could she ever have thought something like that would make her happy!? That wasn’t how they worked! They were the Tuning Knights, humans that had defeated God and saved Marie! They would never accept such a lukewarm compromise.

fucking................mormons..................................

‘Well now,’ she laughed, ‘If I really think about it, the solution is pretty obvious, isn’t it?’ It was reckless and crazy, nothing at all like anything she’d ever imagined herself doing… But then, didn’t that just make it the same as everything else they’d done?

this isnt even how polyamory works!!!!!!!! sorry im not being funny I just really value r*mant*c love and listen NO ONE would just sit down and think “yes clearly the healthiest thing for the person my heart is devoted to is to juggle 6 relationships”

“Yup! I’m not gonna accept anything like that!” ultimately, all that mattered was the same conclusion she’d come to, ever since she’d returned to life. She already knew what she wanted, she just had to make it happen, “Alto, I’m by your side. Always. I’ll support you!”

hi im lisette and this is my boyfriend alto! we’re queering heterosexuality by having him fuck a ton of girls at once! swipe right if you want to hop on that dick. no gays allowed

---------------------------------***********************---------------------------------

me: this is bad content

jldavenport: h*mg*n*n*l*b*ng*s*gl*m

me: vaporized in silhouette against the wall from the sheer power

Finishing off a long day of meetings, reports and training, clad in his usual attire (sans the armour,

oh shit its sans thearmour!!!! gonna have a bad time that being said makes sense that hes european the gross fuck

thankfully for him) and returning from the dormitory baths with a relieved sigh, Alto scarcely had time to close the door to his room behind him before he was suddenly jolted from his thoughts by an excited knocking. “Eh? Lisette?”

the phrase “dormitory baths” pisses me the fuck off where do you get off jldavenport. probably all over your keyboard but stop saying shit like that this isnt your canon bitch

A late-night visit from his orange haired friend wasn’t especially unusual, but to see her standing around in her Witches outfit

epithets, especially those that refer to hair color, are awful and amateurish but because he still doesnt know this apparently: Redhead. Is. A. Fucking. Word.

in her Witches outfit

that wasnt good enough to warrant that large of an image but like that movie fucked me up so bad lets see what scars me worse the mouse scene or this fic

at this time of night certainly was. And even stranger than that, she was wearing the original outfit, the one she’d worn since the first time she’d awakened to her powers in Mithra, rather than the more dazzling Goddess robes she’d gained after he’d finally tuned her heart, ‘I suppose it’s probably easier to sit around in this one?’ If he had to wear something as flashy as any of the dresses the girls wore, he was sure he’d spent half his time worrying about ripping it.

honestly content notwithstanding this reads like an instructional on what NOT to do when writing. you write like this? dont. its very entry level like I cant say that I necessarily write better but do what I say not what I do

throwing the goddess thing out there is like him saying LOOK!!!! A FACT i KNOW ABOUT THE ACTUAL CANON!!!!!! HAHA

Despite standing staring at him from the hallway, with her face flushed and eyes not quite meeting his, she still hadn’t said anything, “Er, Lisette? Is something wrong?”

knocking on someones door and forgetting why ur there is a neurodivergent feel lisette has adhd now and theres nothing you can do about it

“Ah!” she jumped before finally shaking herself off and responding with a slight anxiousness, anxiety. see me after class “No, no not really. I just… I’ve had a lot of mind and I thought it’d be better if we could talk a bit? Do… Do you mind if we spend the night together, again?”

lisette u were literally talking to urself five minutes ago abt havin him fuck everyone and now ur all anime blushus. bitch

He swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. She wanted to share his bed again? Spend the night holding hands like back then? Stopping himself short of giving her an answer, Alto suddenly realised just how imploringly she was looking up at him.

they literally used this exact Mouth Suddenly Dry thing last chapter do ppl who enjoy this fic actually like that r smthn. they get wet 4 the dry

“Huh, it’s not like you to actually ask…” He teased softly. Usually Lisette was far more insistent about this sort of thing, he’d normally expect her to simply march into his room and seat herself on his bed. He only realised as she spoke that for her to act like this, for whatever reason she was acting like this, it must be important to her that he did accept her request

ugly sentence. ugly, ugly sentence. ew. im actually so bored by this sentence im ceasing work on this for the night good bye

She didn’t want to force it on him. Still… He couldn’t help but hesitate. It was stupid, he knew, but he’d felt awkward spending time alone with any of the girls since after the war, lest any of them get the wrong idea.

“get the wrong idea” DONT FUCKING WRITE ALTO LIKE THIS I AM IMMORTAL MY SKIN IS ADAMANTINE YOU SHALL FALL BEFORE ME

A moment passed and still Lisette didn’t say anything; clenching her hands nervously below her wait -and unintentionally pushing her impressive bust out even further towards him-

the commissioner, apparently upon seeing stella glow:

she silently awaited his response. Blushing a little under her low gaze, Alto realised it was getting harder and harder to remember the days when he’d seen her just like a sister.

this proves its inhuman and disgusting because it gave me visceral flashbacks to fire emblem fates so lemme post some of my fave incest quotes from that, starting with the ones it made me astral project into

did that last one haunt u because for a split second you imagined a world where lisette said them? good bc that shit keeps me up at night. im tired of cropping these quotes out so like we’re done my point has been made

In the end though, he couldn’t possibly deny her. Not for no reason, and not when she looked at him like that, “Yeah, of course Lisette. That sounds fun.”

the begging thing from the last chapter hit me full force in memory and I honestly hope it comes back bc ive got a dynamite joke locked and loaded

Breaking out into a bright smile, the Water Witch sagged in relief, taking him by surprise as she reached out to take his hand in hers, letting her body fall soft and warm against him as she did so. Her breath tickled hot across his collar and Alto’s heart jumped in shock!

DONT EVER USE EXCLAMATION POINTS LIKE THIS im serious. it is about as ugly, 2007-fanfic-net-core you can get.

Her hands felt smooth and gentle, wrapped warm around his…

HIS WHAT

he’d felt that before, it was pleasant, although not anything new. But feeling her head falling lovingly to his shoulder like this and having her entire body now laying against his… His mouth went dry,

Wet 4 The Dry Confirmed

he could even feel her breasts pushing large and heavy against his own chest! ‘Woah… S-So soft… They’re even bigger than Rosa’s, aren’t they?’

can you believe this was written completely unironically? like, people find this hot? if it didnt deplete the experience of reading this fic id replace every line referencing boobs with a comment from nicki minaj’s instagram

For just a split second, no matter how much of a gentleman he was, standing there like that, it was impossible for him not to compare the mother and daughter.

WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY SON

“Li-Lisette?” he choked out, desperately reigning in his thoughts before they rampaged down a dangerous direction. “Mmm, Alto, hehe, I’m glad,” she giggled happily, skipping back and beaming up at him as she tugged on his hands, leading him off, “Even just being like this with you, I feel better already!”

ok I have NO idea what movement theyre doing. shes like, skipping and then she comes back and takes his hands and idk probably his dick or something

Absolutely caught up in her rhythm, they were halfway down the hall before Alto finally realised she’d pulled him completely out of his room!

heres a coded message just for katt: e*****t w** d****** **m!the narration means he was aware she was pulling him so like where the fuck did he think he was going if not outside his room

“Uh, h-hey, Lisette? We’re going somewhere? I thought you wanted to go to sleep?” “That’s right,” she nodded simply, giving up and tugging him and instead falling into step beside him, “But your bed’s too small for it to be comfortable, so we’re gonna use my room instead!” Alto almost dug his heels in from sheer indignation!

im sorry. im sorry I had to cut this up but come on. come the fuck on. indignation. like she made a point and alto is all “insolent female requesting things of me” have you not met alto. authot is from r/incels

She’d come all this way to see him, just to drag him back to her room!? How self-indulgent could she be!? And, it wasn’t as if his bed back in Mithra had been any larger and she’d never complained before. Eventually, he just sighed and followed her lead, it wasn’t worth getting worked up over. If it would make her happier, then that was fine. It might be nice to spend a night in someone else’s room for a change too.

Walking hand in hand through the halls like this was fairly embarrassing, thankfully it seemed that it was late enough that no-one else was around. He really, really didn’t want to suddenly run into Rusty like this, let alone Giselle, or Sakuya… Supressing a shudder, Alto hurried on.

“let alone giselle” wh???? I am so baffled by this. obviously rusty or sakuya would give him shit but whats giselle gonna do??? is alto being bullied by a robot?????? I want giselle to appear and smash alto’s frosting into the ground

“I won’t hesitate, bitch,” said Giselle, pointing her laser at altos dick and shattering it into one million individual pieces

Unlike the tiny spare room he’d been assigned so long ago now, Lisette, as a Witch, had been housed in the premium quarters on the other side of their dormitory.

stop. stop saying dormitory. this is not a college

Luckily in this case, unlike the Palace, the building wasn’t overly large so it was only a short trip to her room. They arrived a few minutes later, just as his heart was beginning to settle down.

…

what happened to the long ass aterisks break. oh god the swear word is coming isnt it

Unfortunately, the moment Lisette opened the door and they stepped inside, Alto’s breath was one again caught violently in his throat, “H-Hilda!?” And indeed, kneeling serenely atop a small cushion in the middle of the large room, the Time Witch was sipping calmly from her usual green ceramic tea-cup, as if there was nothing strange about her presence here at all.

I dont like how shes sitting on a pillow in the center of the room that sounds ritualisitic

(bangs pink cup on the ground) She Sits On The Sacrificial Fuck Pillow ((group of hooded figures behind me start chanting “Fuck Pillow! Fuck Pillow!”

Watching as she settled the drink aside, perfectly in synch with the sound of Lisette locking the door behind her, Alto’s mouth went dry.

theres so much wrong with the syntax and shit but im pushing that all aside to say how fucking difficult it is to sync sound like that even on purpose so yeah theyre def doing a cult sacrifice to the original sex god, elcrest

A moment of silence reigned and somewhere in the back of his currently panicking mind, the bewildered Conductor couldn’t help but notice that Hilda too was wearing her standard Witches’ outfit, the same form fitting black dress

“dress” very generous for mr boob grower

and wide sweeping hat she’d become associated with for so many years. However, in her case, this wasn’t much of a surprise. As far as he’d seen from the White-Haired woman, she didn’t seem to actually own any normal, casual attire and, while he knew she deeply adored he beautiful white dress she’d unlocked when he’d purified her lonely heart, he also knew that even she couldn’t help but feel rather self-conscious, wearing something that was practically a wedding dress as an everyday outfit, he hadn’t seen Hilda’s Goddess Robes since the end of the final battle.

I literally cannot read any part of this paragraph except the capitalization of White-Haired and Goddess Robes this was either written in the 1700s or modern day by me dissociating in a target bathroom this is so funny if the fic gets any funnier ill die

“Alto? I’m surprised. Isn’t it a bit late for you to be visiting a woman’s bedroom?”

horny dont got business hours babe

“Ah, H-Hilda! It’s, it’s not what you’re thinking, I, Lisette!? Wha-” “Relax Alto,” the Water Witch giggled softly as she stepped forward, taking his hand again, but this time wrapping herself around his arm, “She’s just teasing you.” “Wha… Abuh?”

this is harem anime/fire emblem dialogue right down to the “Abuh?” actually thats the defining thing you hear someone say that youre in a straight anime and you need to run for your fucking life

“My apologies,” Hilda nodded, offering him a small smile in recompense as she matched Lisette’s movements, taking hold of his other hand, her pale face burning bright red as her soft fingers entwined with his, “I just, got a little flustered seeing you so suddenly… I… I wasn’t sure what to say.”

ok first of all you cannot write hilda in any realm of possibility but also like this is yet another thing to not trust men for: emphasizing the whiteness of a womans skin. he is a racist, plain and simple

Her hand squeezed nervously around his and Alto realised just how easily he could feel her racing heart through the light fabric of her dress when she pulled his arm against herself. Not that Lisette was any different, he couldn’t possibly believe in the confidant front she was showing after knowing her as long as he had, not when he could feel her entire body trembling against him.

hilda is like two ft tall howd she even reach his arm. also like there isnt even any fabric boy u raw touchin her

His mouth opened and closed, but he couldn’t think what to say, he wasn’t mentally prepared for any of this! He’d gone from expecting to go to sleep, to being visited by Lisette, to being dragged through the halls, and now he was being sprung with some surprise meeting!? And both of them were clinging to him like never before!

this is in character alto not wanting to have a threesome so he can go nap

He couldn’t possibly keep up. Before he even realised it, he’d been pulled all the way over to Lisette’s bed and was sitting with a girl wrapped around either of his arms.

what a problem! what a terrible day for him! what are the odds of this happening!

“What… What’s going on?” “Something good.” Hilda answered in her own cryptic fashion, her voice almost breathless and her blazing red cheeks half hidden behind his cloak as she shyly slid in right next to him.

it is most certainly not good ma’am

“That’s right,” Lisette agreed, happily snuggling up against him as she squeezed herself around his other arm, “We’re gonna help you come to a decision!”

we’re gonna make u C*M...............to a decision ;)

Alto blinked, “Eh?”

petition for this to turn out like the friends episode where ross got kicked out of a threesome with his wife and another woman bc they were lesbians so he left and made a sandwich

conveniently the fic decides to break here anyway so thats all you get for now. I’ll finish the other parts later (im expecting like maybe five because of the gargantuan size of this travesty) and link them direct from here

Part 2 here! (coming soon)

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castlehead · 7 years

Text

Finally, I have grabbed the black briar of restraint. I had heard it Bristling somewhere, there, in the past, waiting to be removed But I did not, and so the branch grew— And thickened around my future, Until I let go.

There is a difference between logic and reality, there is a line drawn the length of a gun barrel.

“Behold the men in helmets borne on steel, Discolored, how they are going to defeat.”

—Wallace Stevens

We can almost hear life. Back to Preconditions, willful or no,

Or is will a precondition? Outside of death these wage fuller. Our curse is what Is benignly at the end of the tale, the silent busride taken After the act, or non-act, as happened while Waiting at that rainy stop, that time when you remembered about Your appointment, to go—

Running into oncoming traffic. Do you remember that anymore now, baby? I remember. I remember the gall of it: the feeling of a gall, a gall

So offensively invasive in processing me, as to, upon its quitting the examination, leave me worried as to what one could really expect to

Bruise one’s harmony, when that, -well- that warn’t even the real Brain Surgery:

Surgery of another kind tho it was and which you felt, persistently, to the point of the smarting chaos, while I displaced my sensitivity for a bit somewhere it could be cloistered and honored properly. We

Unlike that, are not there, and feel that never, feel nothing

And so then know never what we, you and i, are doing, on this planet, or at this fancy party with an unnecessarily large, ornate chandelier hanging unwieldy, and seemingly stressing out the ceiling it and its miniature candle-glarers hang from, and that probly

Had cost a sum. And in those emaciated hours when trivia goes everything

Dull, we make -mind- of the ship, when the towline Of the Boatmen slacken, like it says in Beckett’s translation

Of La Bateau Ivre. We free it like Rimbaud did, and so it is left to bob On the clunky wheels of the surf, rolling, balancing on a slick, smooth Pair of feetsies, called both sides of the hull, the feet to help her traveling.

The human part is a possibility encased somewhere, an haunted mien Beneath the distant quandary of the Captain’s Office, a hue of a coffin there, An accidental step taken when not needed taken, A stiffness in the stars we see, as if they Called us back, hearkened us back, to emotional realities From childhood, mainly. And so we Almost, almost hear the life of you, dear boy, Who makes a drumming for his heart to beat at all. Now, Thinking death similar, and having wasted the immortal give With pageants of hydrogen, for to look up at and wonder, I ask: Where, where is all the—miracle—once possessed? We feel it tiredly in our bones.

We muster for you what seepage comes gradually of the stars To tiny fire, and misery a rainbow-colic [cowlick] making Everything a smaller, sicklier version of itself, Weakening as we complain about our riches Making out our Wealth to be Plague, which is kind of morbid; Too much, in our eyes. There’s much In the universe that would catch the eyes of one Stuck on EARTH. But tarry, the ambiguous trials Mean more here in their present doing Than what you think about them afterwards, a thwartedness mind uses to

Conceal, till an opening, infinite—to us, at least, prolonged—is upon us living who, uh,

Cannot see death’s wisdom yet. Well we heal with What yieldy sparks come flaming, prepare ourselves before they flame: a noisy Ripple in the water like turning a spout, then something Like a motor making curves of a floor of algae Like the curves of flame. I allow

A drop in the respite-soothe, as soon it predictably Makes off its tender course, like,

Meandering elsewhere; and does so while leaving you cavalierly without The sea of meanings you had wanted, -anything to gratify the ebb of pain, Originally, and the respite-tub drawn already, drawn

Like the way nerves,—that swell up like Gout in the elderly but with each New problem, rather, not minute, or what’s the difference—

Like the way nerves make my drawn face, as holds seas of insecurities I blow off like friends, or like that dangling hair that’s

Always in front of your face. With barely any cocoa Butter skin stuff, we must then ration; just a drop Of it is just a drop, by itself; I mean, what anarchy

Of mind!, this is like Lord of the Flies But for Cosmos and I don’t mean to harp On these always-nameless sages’ timely

Ways they can and do pause themselves just before the atom splits, at the ledge.

Which is their job. The Rube Goldberg Machine of cause and effect informs The wisdom of sages, and almost creates a vacuum again, with A little air hissing out in places, which was normal, but In which airless container the split atom Can stay safely static, the split atom can Stay steady and stable. The Disastrous egg is in two halves and still telling Her story of hope to the cameras, however justified And firm and like a machine the process might be, hoping For a whole omelette. The atom is hovering up and down On the bounce house of Scientific Archival Purposes It says, written in highlighter on a piece of tape Stuck there on tha box of that carnage:

A more illuminated nothing as would explode New York, but New York as an empty palace, and the room you’re looking for filled

With an atom’s distance from something, This measured in prodding the atom With a stick Like you would an hibernating father sleepin off his drunk in bed, when U want to check about whether he is actually dead, again. You do this every hour all day Sunday. The atom, once prodded, destroys cities rather Than cracks skulls with beatings, like yr father: as small as it Is you may do with it what you will so That you may compare the real space and otherness To things with the measurements you recorded.

And think Your room a gusty field in storm, a soulful dark:

Nothing is sans the purchase, no ownership as life would have it: A habit in the reigns, but still a habit, to rightfully take: no rights, No, no rights are in death, you Kidding? A nil of the finest -one- at the first. That An immaculate verb might could make me again real If I was dead I believe, wholeheartedly, and if I was remembered for it I Would be the very res of nostalgia in experiencing it again, Verbing my heart out for the times people call simpler When I won that swim meet back then And the whole complicated story. The good old days, When scruples sat in people’s stomachs, Knotting them out of their possible daily impulses And putting that knot somewhere where It can be forgotten abt, or lost; it then will build up And get more disgusting, like that trash barge That kept being pushed and pushed back Country after country, east, west, north, south, And nobody with the stones enough to just Say what everyone is thinking, that The Starving Children in Cambodia would Benefit from eating this garbage For food. Or If that grand rotten floating conservatory runs dry, There’s always, always, always Cannibalism to consider! I am thinking about what is it called When an action has a consequence, like from Saying something dumb, -not who is called thereupon. Because you have to handle it lonely sometimes. If only man -did- press her ears to the door of calmative life And ambition, but also drew up a snazzy block of wrath to hurl; To carry in a rumpled bundle of info sweatstained by hands Out of view, tho somewhere; just to make sure: And hurl, thru the glass pane, making shattered glows of Ministered content’s whiling for forever beatitude and depth, as magnetized Drew forth more other blocks, seeing the success Of the one—more wrong, insipid stars to The both life has in it: either/or: well then we are graced With knowing all there is, While not being it; in death, we scrape our ears Against gravel to hear the dust, pursue the time Before our grave gave us all the time to tie our unknotted Discourses, belied a magic happening, to finish the job, and Then: dismissed by public beings, tho once adored, We settle into our useless state of maximum use. We drew a fire of cosmos, let life make of them, the stars, toys, or things To gaze at longingly, wishing for the mustard to make a need

Of little stones, by the graveyard gate, where poundage Lays brownly on that coffin, then, we, sealed, remind you that

Our doors: you’re what’s behind them. We are the ones Who peer, forget the stars. Think only of the rainy

Stop, that time in Flatbush tripping on mushrooms. Think of then, When you where suicidal: say: I would be like that, Like daunting ignoramuses

We call genius, when they were, and in their immortal skin, just Leather and words, for we had lives our own. A man is a man. Think me—

Off into thoughts, make them akin not to everyday benign silence But, to pausing and compressing all: between the life of my travels, And when I make a mistake about that.

When I am too roly-poly I will stop worrying about accomplishing things, blasé At this stop in the rain, yes, I self-say; And too

Sapped from my long strain, With the notions and the back-o-mind Bewailings, to actually move my body: and think then that your

Meaning is not bad, I self-say. And think Of all the times you have felt on the brink of a shared knowing with her.

When ourselves wished to lift our ears to you sages, and hear Our predicament from you, speeched through nameless lips soaked in wine and Winding up the dialectic, o nameless sages: lemme jus’ say, We beckoned life appropriately from the appropriate place: we are Almost as good at that as at Ignoring all the while that you correspondingly give us What we have needed to this end, all this time, and Have started our own problem Just to attain.

#poetry #powtry #pome #poem #depth as predicament #the sad truth of it all

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