#hyunjin fics

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 14

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.

there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers

word count: 35K (🫠)

warnings: cursing, drinking, jealousy, mutual pining, sexual tension, intense making out, dirty talk, mature content, sub! hyunjin, references to fingering, mentions of the word cock, dom! hyunjin, handjob, grinding, dry humping, overthinking, references to anxiety and therapy, slight confrontation, opens with a flashback

a/n: thank you for being so patient with me, and this story! i worked a lot for this chapter, and its very pivotal to the rest of the story, in terms of hyun and yn. in fact almost 80% of this chapter is just them. i hope you love it. its very longg so please grab a blanket and snacks before sitting down to read it ;)

i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

summer of 2015.

“Do you know why those stars are called Cassiopeia?” 

The constellation was more visible than ever tonight — made up of five stars, it almost looked like a Queen sitting on her throne, in the sky.

It was a real question, because you had absolutely no idea why the constellations were named after Greek myths. You’d read about it, of course, within faded literature pages in middle school, but you’d never been interested in astronomy, so you hardly paid attention.

Staring up at it now, you wished you had.

“Hmm?” He asked, and you realised that he also hadn’t been paying attention, to you.

“Cassiopeia” You repeated, pointing your hand upwards, at the bright stars.

“I don’t speak French, babe”

“It’s Latin…” You told him, “What are you thinking of?”

The sand between your fingers was icky, but once you got used to it, it wasn’t all that bad. The waves rushing over you felt calm. The sea was warm this time of year, and the only thing you had looked forward to all summer was this moment, right here.

“I’m thinking…about how I’d do anything for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now” He replied, as if he’d been crafting his answer with perfection for ages, as if you hadn’t just asked him about the night sky, something completely unrelated. 

You turned your head, cheek pressing into the sand, “Really, Lix? We…just ate”

Felix sighed, still staring at the skies above, but making no effort to actually see anything, “I know, but…I’m still hungry”

It was tradition at this point, for you and Yongbok to run away to the beach, lie down in the sand, and talk about anything and everything in the world, or talk about nothing at all.

He was the one person in your life you didn’t mind silence with.

You rolled over to face him, as another wave washed over the two of you.

He squint at you, “What? Don’t look at me like that”

“Like what?” You laughed, elbows digging into the sand, “The carbonara Hana made was good, Lix. It was her first time making that too, don’t be so harsh on her”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was good, but I just don’t understand why we didn’t let Minho make dinner, as he does every time. You should stop being a kiss-ass to Hana”

“I am not a kiss-ass” You rolled your eyes.

He sighed, and sat up, making you sit up too, knees digging into the wet sand. You fixed the red strings of your bikini, tightening the knot at the sides.

He stopped you in the midst of that action, hand landing on your bare thigh, “Please? Just one sandwich?”

“Why can’t you make it yourself?” You frowned, looking up at him.

“Because…I don’t wanna get up” He hummed, lending his help to you. His fingers drifted upwards to your swimsuit and he tongued his cheek, “You don’t even know how to tie a knot properly. Let me”

You sat back, hands resting on your thighs as he took over. His fingers were cold, making you shiver, and Felix smiled at that.

“Did you even hear what I said?” You asked, annoyed.

He squinted, “About the French chick?”

You glanced back up at the sky, and the constellation that you had been talking of, “Greek. I was asking you if you know why the stars were named after her”

“Maybe she was really hot”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m sure she was”

He looked up at you, after tying the strings in a perfect knot, “Then they should name a star after you too, Y/N”

“Stop” You laughed, pushing his hand away, “You’re just saying that because you want me to get you food”

He smiled, shameless, “Yeah I am. Please?”

You glanced towards the cabin, a few hundred or so meters away. 

There were no lights on, since everybody else in the house had gone to sleep. Along the rest of the coast, other cabins dotted the beach, of all sizes and styles, lit up and occupied by families or groups of friends. It was a hot summer and nobody liked to stay in their stuffy city homes. 

But the coast was beautiful, and serene.

“Fine” You hummed, reaching over to pinch his cheek, “But you owe me, Lix”

His eyes were bright and you could never say no to him, so you gave in.

“I love you” He sang, as you walked over to the cabin, footsteps light in the sand. 

You took your time, relishing in the cool wind against your skin, occasionally turning back to smile at Yongbok. His eyes never left your figure until you reached the porch, making sure you got there safely, even though it was the safest place in the world.

Soon, this summer would end and you’d be back at school, missing this gritty sand and warm seawater. 

Yongbok’s shirt hung on the porch railing, next to your sweater and you slipped it on over your bikini, before stepping inside. The cabin tend to get cold, even on summer nights like this, so you hugged yourself to keep warm, as you walked through the foyer. 

Your friends were sleeping, and you had to be quiet. Treading carefully, the loud creak of the door still gave your presence away, wooden planks becoming wet with your footsteps.

You blindly fumbled in the dark, finding your way to the kitchen.

The television was on.

It was a little past three, and static noise buzzed through the little house, flashing colours lighting up the living room.

“Hello?” You asked, trying to see in the dark, “Minho?”

A blanket lay on the couch, but whoever had been watching TV had already left, since the remote lay buried in the pile of cushions. Frowning, you picked it up, turning it off.

“Just because Yongbok’s uncle pays for this doesn’t mean we can leave shit on…” You sighed, in the empty room, hoping Minho would hear you. The cabin was small, so even if he was upstairs, he’d be able to hear you. 

Now that the television was off, the entire room was engulfed in darkness again, and perhaps it would have been smarter to just leave it on so you could navigate. 

You weren’t scared of the dark, but you were easily startled. Moonlight filtered in through the windows, and peeking out, you could see Yongbok’s shape against the dark horizon.

In the blue light of your phone screen, you spotted your headphones on the coffee table. You plugged them in, switching to a playlist Yeonjun made as you slipped the headset over your wet hair.

It was silly, that you’d be making sandwiches for him at this time of the day, but you’d do just about anything in the world for Yongbok.

Humming along to your music, you stepped into the pantry, searching for the bread. For some reason, Minho had brought back four different kinds of bread from the local bakery earlier today, and you peered at the labels, wanting to pick one which wasn’t multigrain, since Yongbok hated that.

Whispers interrupted your search, and you stilled in your movements.

“Yongbok?” You turned around, but you couldn’t see anything or anyone in the dark.

It was probably your music that made you hear things, and you turned back to the shelf. 

“There you are” You smiled, spotting the Whole Wheat Bread.

You stepped into the kitchen, packet clasped tightly within your hands and that’s when you saw them.

You stilled in your movements.

The bread unceremoniously dropped from your hands, landing on the musty floor with a thump.

What the fuck?

Across the kitchen island, sat on the two bar stools, your best friend, Song Hana was kissing your other friend, Yeonjun.

No. They weren’t even just kissing. Hana was halfway in Yeonjun’s lap, and his tongue was so far down her throat that this obviously wasn’t the first time it happened. 

Your reaction of surprise wasn’t loud, but it might as well have been like dynamite inside the quiet house because it made them jump apart from each other, turning to face you.

His eyes were wide, as she noticed you in the doorway, “Oh my god. Y/N. Hey”

Hey?

So simple. Hey, I wasn’t just making out with our best friend.

You wish you could have just walked away without drawing attention to yourself, but now they were both staring at you.

You cleared your throat, thankful the dark concealed your shock, wondering what you could possibly say to diffuse the awkwardness, “Uh, I didn’t know anyone was awake in the house” 

“Yeah” Hana laughed, fumbling over her words, “I couldn’t sleep so…I came to get some dumplings”

Your gaze drifted to Yeonjun, and a faint pink coated his cheeks, but he wasn’t even looking at you. 

“Right... Jun?” You asked, making him finally glance up. Even in the darkness of the kitchen, you could prominently see the shape of his Adam’s Apple, as he swallowed, “Yeah, Y/N? Were you at the beach?”

You obviously saw them kiss, but they were hiding it, and there was nothing more to say.

“I…um, I just came to get some jelly, for Felix” You told them, “But…I’ll leave you two to it. Enjoy the...dumplings”

You immediately turned around, because you had to process this - whatever the hell you just saw, because your best friends were hooking up, and this was how you found out?

Hana had never expressed a romantic interest in him before this, what changed? Your friendship was too special, far too precious, to ruin with an impulsive mistake or decision like that.

You would ask her about it later, not tonight. 

You had to get back to the beach, to Felix. 

To something familiar, and comforting, and known and—

—A hand immediately grabbed your arm, stopping you in the corridor, in the midst of your thoughts.

You shouldn’t be surprised that it was him coming after you, instead of her.

Yeonjun was always the one wanting to fix everything, “Y/N, please wait”

He was always the one who never wanted to hurt you.

“Yeah?” You turned around, hoping you sounded as nonchalant as you wanted to, “You can keep the bread. I…I’ll just tell Yongbok we don’t have any”

“You’re hurt” 

Your eyebrows shot up, at his statement, “Hurt by what? The sandwiches weren’t even for me, I’m fine”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about”

A laugh escaped you, “Then what?”

Yeonjun closed his eyes, “I wasn’t hiding it from you…I was going to tell you”

“It’s okay, I can pretend I didn’t see anything” You shot him a smile, trying to leave but he pulled you back. You stumbled towards him in the dark corridor, wondering where Hana was, if she was listening to this, and what she must be thinking.

“Jun…” You laughed, another forced chuckle.

A flash of regret painted his eyes, “I promise, I was going to tell you”

It was cold, and you were confused, but Yeonjun’s grip was warm, and understanding.

He didn’t need to explain himself.

You were…just surprised, a whirlwind of thoughts running through your head of everything that could possibly go wrong after tonight, and wondering if you really knew your friends as well as you thought you did. They’d been hooking up all this time, and you never noticed, and you never picked up on any hints?

You were more disappointed in yourself than anything.

He continued speaking, “I was going to tell you in the morning, I didn’t know you’re still awake, Y/N”

“I just didn’t expect that. Does anybody else know about you?”

He shook his head, “There isn’t an us”

You swallowed, “I mean, it’s fine if there is. It’s just…kind of something I have to get used to. How long have you been-”

Yeonjun grimaced, “No, you don’t understand. That was the first time it ever happened, Y/N”

Your voice fell, “What?”

“You just …walked in on our first kiss” He explained, “We haven’t ever done that before. That’s what I was trying to tell you. It just happened”

“But…” You squeezed your eyes shut, “What? I don’t understand. Are you…two tipsy or something?”

Yeonjun laughed, “I wish, but no. We’re...completely sober. Sorry you had to see that”

Your voice softened, tension falling from your shoulders, “You don’t have to apologise. I just didn’t expect...”

He nodded, a chuckle escaping him, “Yeah. You know that I’ve liked her for years”

You crossed your arms, hugging yourself, “Yeah…I just, I had no idea she liked you back”

He laughed, “I didn’t either, but she said that she always wanted to kiss me too”

“That’s good” You told him.

He lowered his voice, “Y/N. There’s something else. She said she’s in love with me”

Your eyes shot open, “What? In…love with you?”

He nodded, a smile on his lips, “I know. It was hard for me to believe too. The girl of my...fucking dreams just said that to me, like it took no effort. I didn’t think that stuff happened in real life”

This changed everything.

Yeonjun was only sixteen, and he’d found the love of his life, and you were so happy for him.

Your eyes lit up, “Did she kiss you first?”

He nodded, his lips still had traces of Hana’s lipgloss on it, “Yeah. She did”

“Fuck, that’s...really cool” You stared at the floor, trying to process it, “I was just taken aback, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to freak out or anything”

He shook his head, “No, I completely understand” 

Just then, Hana stepped out from the kitchen, footsteps timid, hands hugging herself as she saw you, “Hey”

“Hey”

The only light in the corridor was from the moon, and it illuminated their silhouettes beautifully.

They hadn’t even got together yet but you could imagine them being perfect together.

“I’m sorry you had to find out like that” She bit her lip, “We were going to talk to you tomorrow. I’d never keep something like that from you”

Yeonjun glanced at her, eyes crinkling, “I told her”

She looked up at him, mouth parted, “You did?”

The way they were looking at each other made it obvious. This wasn’t just a temporary, impulsive crush. Was it so easy to find the love of your life?

“I’m…gonna go up to bed though” She squeaked, and Yeonjun nodded.

She turned to you, “Is it okay if we switch places? I wanted to stay with him tonight. You could…stay with Minho, or Felix?”

“You’re kicking me out of our room?” You joked.

Hana immediately seemed guilty, “Sorry. I can move your things for you”

“It’s okay” You nodded, even though you had far too many things and art supplies for Hana to even attempt to move, and you could never fall asleep in Felix’s bed, but they were in love and that was the craziest thing in the world, so those technicalities didn’t matter right now, and you’d make do.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to move my stuff just for tonight. I can share Lix’s comforter” You smiled at her.

Hana walked away, and you were left alone with Yeonjun.

His gaze trailed to the kitchen, “Did you want something…from in there?”

You remembered the reason you’d been here in the first place, “Felix…he wanted-”

“Peanut butter and jelly?” He finished your sentence, “It’s almost four in the morning”

“Yeah, you know how he is” You laughed.

He sighed, shoulders sinking, as realisation sank in, “Sorry”

For what?

He had nothing to be sorry for.

Guilt overcome you, because you’d walked in on his first kiss, essentially ruining it and now he was saying sorry to you.

You frowned, reaching to grab his hand, “For what? I’m really happy for you, Yeonjun. I’m sorry I ruined your first kiss”

“Y/N-”

“I should be the one apologising. I know I was surprised at first, but you know that you deserve the best? I…know how long you’ve liked her, and I’m really glad she feels the same way. Why are you apologising for that?”

Yeonjun was looking at you in amusement, and he reached ahead to tuck a wet strand of your hair back, “You’re really special, you know that right?”

“What?” You frowned, “Why?”

“I was apologising to you just because…me and Hana finished all the jelly”

»»————-

“The jelly is gone”

Felix turned to you, quirking an eyebrow, “What does that even mean?”

You settled back into the sand, still in your sweater, curling your legs up, “It means…the jam is over. They finished it” 

“Who?” His voice raised, in pointed annoyance, and surprise.

“Yeonjun, and Hana”

Felix sighed, leaning back on his palms, “Why were they eating jelly at three am?”

“I walked in on them kissing” You blurted.

“What?”

“I just…I saw them, inside, kissing”

“Wait, what?” He shifted on his knees, towards you, “Who? Hana and him?”

You glanced at him, “Yeah, who else?”

A variety of emotions passed Felix’s face, and perhaps you weren’t the only one having trouble processing this. They would be perfect for each other, but what if they were not?

You buried your hands in your sleeves, watching the moonlight bounce off the high tide.

There was silence between you, the only sound of the ocean waves breaking at the surface. 

You had been excited for them, but now that you truly thought about it...a worry festered within you.

“I didn’t know Hana liked him back” He spoke.

“They’re probably gonna date, right?”

“I don’t know” He shrugged, “They might”

You traced a heart in the sand, “I’m happy for them”

He tilt his head, “Yeah, sure, you sound real happy, Y/N”

You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling crazy for even thinking all of this but you could tell Yongbok anything so you did, “I am. I’m just worried”

“About?”

You felt like a child, but you had a tendency to imagine the worst case scenarios, “What if they stop hanging out with us?”

Felix’s eyes softened, “Babe…”

Your voice shot up, “Don’t look at me like that. I’ve seen it happen. What if they break up? Everything’s going to go to shit then. It’s a bad idea to date within your friend group, isn’t it? This could be the downfall of everything”

Felix sighed, shifting closer to you, “Nothing is going to happen”

“You don’t know that” Your voice now broke, and you felt stupid for worrying when you should be happy for them, “I don’t want to lose them…or you. You guys…are the best thing in my life”

“Babe, they haven’t even started dating yet” He chuckled, hand reaching to your chin, “Calm down”

You erased the heart you’d drawn, “Yeah. You probably think I sound dumb as fuck”

“I’d never think that about you” He smiled, “Your concerns are very valid…but I don’t want you to be upset about something that may never even happen”

You sighed, and maybe spending so much time around Felix had made you as dramatic as him, “But what if we have to choose? I don’t want any of them to get hurt”

“Why would we ever have to choose?”

“I don’t know. Like…pick a side between them, if they fight. You know that I can’t choose, I love Yeonjun as much as I love Hana-”

Felix laughed, “God. I love you” 

“Don’t laugh at me” You frowned.

“I’m not laughing at you, babe” He smiled, “I just think you’re…making yourself upset for no reason. You love doing that”

You looked up at him, “Lix…”

His voice softened, against the harsh ocean waves, “Nothing is going to happen. Even if it does, you’re not gonna lose us. I’m always going to be here, you know that, right?”

You grabbed his hand, pulling him closer, “What about…when you get a girlfriend?”

Felix laughed, “I doubt that’s going to happen soon, but if I ever have to choose between my girlfriend and you…I’m picking you. It’s not even a question”

A smile made its way onto your face, “Thank you. I would do the same”

The edge of his lip turned up into a grin, “I know you would”

Staring at Felix now, you felt the calm return.

The ocean was beautiful again, the sky was vast, the stars endless, and you felt at ease.

Things would perhaps forever change tonight, your best friends were in love with each other, but maybe everything else would still be the same.

“It’s a good thing, right Lix?” You asked, squeezing his hands so that your nails dug into his soft palms.

He tilt his head, “What is?”

“Love. Them…being in love? It’s a good thing” Your words were low, because you didn’t even really know what you were asking.

“Of course it’s a good thing, but it’s not just about their love. It’s about ours too”

You were confused, “Ours?”

His eyes swirled with intensity, and he swallowed, “Ours, like all of us. You, me…Minho, and them”

“Right”

“What constellation were you telling me about earlier?”

“Cassiopeia?” You questioned.

“Hmm. That” He crawled over to you, “Which one is it?”

You pointed him in the right direction, just over the horizon, where it was visible, “The five stars, it kind of looks like a W”

“Right, and she was some hot Greek chick, right?”

You laughed, “Yeah. She was”

He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close, “Well, she...died like billions of years ago, but she’s still here in the stars, isn’t she?”

“What are you trying to say?”

Felix turned to smile at you, “We’re just like her. The five of us. Five stars. That can’t be a coincidence, can it? We’re not going anywhere, okay?”

Your eyes widened at the sweet metaphor. Yongbok wasn’t one for romance, or anything of the sort, but you knew he meant his words.

He believed them.

And if he did, so would you.

“The five stars” You smiled, feeling your calm return, “Immortal”

He laughed, “Yeah. So don’t worry about us. You need to have more faith in us, Y/N. Things don’t just fall apart so easily, they won’t” 

“I know” You laughed, “I guess it’s kind of crazy. They found love so simply”

“You jealous?” He nudged you.

You rolled your eyes, “I wouldn’t even know what to do with love once I found it. All I need right now…is a job this summer, something to do, so I don’t sit at home and waste my youth”

He laughed, “Right, there’s the Y/N I know, only in love with the craft. I’m sure there’ll be a place in town you can work at this summer. Maybe a café , so you can get me free pastries every day”

“Oh. I almost forgot. Are you still hungry?”

“Starving” 

“I got you the sandwiches” You reached behind you for the Tupperware container you’d brought out of the beach house.

His eyebrows knitted together, as he stared at the box, “I thought you said the jelly was gone”

You lift the plastic lid, “It was but I crushed up some fruits, and I read online that if you add honey, it tastes just like jam…that’s why it kind of took me longer in there”

Felix doubled over, laughing loudly, “Oh my god. You did that for me at four fucking am?”

“It may not taste the best, but you better enjoy it” You mumbled, shoving the container into his arms.

“I know I will” He smiled, “And don’t worry about them, okay? No matter what happens, you always have me”

“Thank you, Lix. I know"

»»————-

summer now.

It had been years since you’d made each other that promise. 

Tonight, it felt futile, as you stared at the myriad of overwhelming text messages he had sent you. You had texted him back, telling him that you weren’t home, but he hadn’t replied since then.

“More beer?” 

You looked up, to see Yeonjun stood with another bottle in his hand, a cranberry extract he’d brought straight from his freezer. 

You hated beer, but you needed it tonight, so you grabbed it from him. It surprisingly didn’t taste horrible, so you savoured the fruity flavour in your mouth.

“What did you say to him?” He asked, sitting down next to you. 

“I told Felix I’m not home…” You spoke, “I asked him if we could talk tomorrow instead? I hope he understands”

“I mean, to Hyunjin” Yeonjun cleared his throat, “You were about to go over to his place, right?”

You glanced up at him, chest wrenching.

Sinking into the cushion, you stared at your phone, “I told him I can’t come either. He…didn’t question it. He probably was expecting me to cancel anyway”

Yeonjun needed you right now, and you couldn’t just abandon him— no matter how much you wanted Hyunjin, no matter how fucking horny you felt after that phone call. 

Your legs still felt weak, your heart was still pounding impossibly hard, and your underwear was soaked, but that wasn’t important right now. 

Your needs could be saved for another day.

He would understand. Hyunjin would still be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and you could meet him then.

“You really don’t need to stay with me” He spoke, “I feel like an asshole keeping you here”

“Yeonjun. You were crying, at three in the morning. I’m not leaving you alone”

He sighed, taking another sip of the cranberry beer, “Did you tell him why…? I don’t want Hyunjin to hate me”

“And why would Hyunjin ever hate you?” You turned to him, confused. Yeonjun hadn’t done anything wrong.

His eyes were still glossy, fresh tears dried on his face, and you hated the sight of it. He wasn’t an easy crier. In fact, in all your life that you’d known him…you could count the number of times you’d seen him so upset on one hand.

He licked his lips, swallowing, “Because I always keep coming between the two of you”

“Shut up” You scoffed, shoving his shoulder, “You know that’s not true”

He was still serious, despite the fact that you didn’t blame him at all, “Isn’t it? You were literally on your way to see him”

“I can see him tomorrow” You shrugged, trying to maintain a semblance of indifference and nonchalance, convincing yourself that it wasn’t that important. After all, it would be stupid to acknowledge how truly dependent you’d become on Hyunjin for your happiness. 

It wasn’t right, and even though seeing him right now felt urgent to your heart, to your body, you would still live another day and the world wouldn’t end if you didn’t meet him right this moment.

“I guess I don’t need to ask why you were on your way to him at three in the morning” He added, a teasing evident in his tone. You looked over to him, the emerging smile on his face and if teasing you was going to make him feel better, then you’d indulge him in it.

You laughed, embarrassed at how you’d been feeling like a fucking horny teenager, “You know Jun…any other day you would be very wrong, but tonight, I have to say it is exactly what you think”

“I thought you two weren’t going to be anything” Yeonjun hummed, stating the obvious fact that you were carefully trying to circumvent.

“We aren’t. It doesn’t have to mean anything” You tongued your cheek, still trying to wrap your head around what just happened. 

It started out as just a simple phone call. 

How did it escalate to that? 

“Right. I’m sure having sex with Hyunjin won’t mean anything to you at all” Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “Sounds just like you”

You looked over at him, “Just because you’re sad doesn’t mean you can call me out like that”

He laughed, leaning closer, “I’m just saying. He’ll probably be a million times better than the boys you’ve been with. Are you even prepared for that?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, heart jumping at his implication, “You’re supposed to be talking me out of this, not give me more reasons to want to jump him” 

Yeonjun laughed louder, “Man. You should enjoy this feeling, while it’s at its peak”

“What feeling?”

“That feeling, you know…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words, “When you’re falling for someone…and you’re fucking crazy about them, about every little thing they do? I remember, in the beginning, I used to have heart palpitations every time I saw Hana braid her goddamn hair, or something because she looked so adorable”

“What?” You let out a giggle, “I didn’t know you care about stuff like that”

Yeonjun smiled, “I was into everything that was about her, or even remotely related to her. I guess I was obsessed, but I don’t think anything in the universe can top that feeling”

You nodded, and you wondered if you’d ever stop feeling that way about Hyunjin. 

It had been months you’d known him, years since you’d first seen him, and your heart still went berserk at the mere thought, “Sometimes when I’m talking to him, it…feels like I have tunnel vision. I can’t see or comprehend anything except him”

“I know what you mean” He smiled.

You swallowed, remembering the reason for Yeonjun’s tears, “I’m sorry…about you and Hana”

“Yeah. I’m sorry too”

You reached over, to grab his hand, “And I’m sorry your heart is broken, and I wish I can take that pain away”

Yeonjun’s smile was sad, in return, “Me too…”

The couch cushions were frayed at the edges, because he hadn’t lived here in a while, and you fiddled with the corners to distract yourself from everything, from his broken heart, from your pining one.

“Did he say anything? Hyunjin?”

You peeked into your phone, to read the new texts, “He said, I got a call from Chan too. I hope Yeonjun feels better”

“Oh”

“Yup” Your fingers wrapped around the ice-cold beer again, and you took a swig, hoping the liquid would be enough to calm the fire in your heart. 

“It’s from the 7/11 behind Aera’s” Yeonjun explained, as if he’d read your mind, “You like it?”

“I do” You swallowed, refreshing your phone to see if Felix had said anything yet.

Yeonjun was silent, and he sat like that for a minute, staring into the dark corners of his living room, until he spoke, “Earlier today, I was thinking of the summer me and Hana got together”

“I was thinking about that summer too” You mumbled, “Can you believe it was almost…six years ago?”

“Six years?” He laughed, “That’s insane”

“It is. It feels like yesterday”

“I told her I loved her that summer for the first time… and six fucking years later, it’s not enough. You’d think the person you love for six years, you’d stay with them forever”

“I know...” You realised.

“What did he say…when you told him you can’t come? Felix?”

Perhaps, on another day, you would find it funny that Yeonjun had to keep clarifying which boy he was referring to, as if you had a carousel of boys in your life to keep you busy.

You sucked in a breath, “He didn’t say anything. I just...don’t understand what happened between us. One day we were fine, the next he hated my guts. I can’t even remember the last time I talked to him, my own best friend”

“The only thing between you and Felix…is Felix himself. It’s not your fault”

You laughed, realising the situation, “I’m sorry, this is so…typical of me. I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around”

“That goes both ways” He hummed, and you looked over at him. 

He looked exhausted, sat with his legs curled, dressed in silly panda pajamas. It remind you of high school, when you used to study together; you would help him with literature so he could help you survive math. 

You used to sit right on this very couch, frustrated with the books, wishing everything in life was as easy as painting.

Even though as of late, you’d contemplated why everything seemed to be against you, you realised how blessed you were to know him.

He looked so different from the boy you’d grown up with, yet still somehow the same. 

Yeonjun was only twenty-two, but he’d just lost the love of his life, and you could see that in his gaze.

It resembled yours, the night you lost the apprenticeship.

Maybe that was an insensitive comparison. After all, a lover couldn’t ever compare to a temporary two-year art mentorship, could it?

Yet, your craft was the one thing in your life that you know you’d have, even after he left. That would still be the same.

Yeonjun had the hint of a smile on his face as he watched you finish the beer, and he was so handsome when he smiled, but…the crinkles in his eyes were strained, forced. 

He was only smiling so you wouldn’t worry about him. 

“Why do you we put ourselves through this?” You blurted, the effects of the beer settling in.

He tilt his head, “Through what? Feelings?”

You chuckled, staring at him and the spots that dotted his cheek, “Yeah. Feelings”

“At least we have each other” He laughed, “I’m really glad you exist, Y/N”

You wanted to stop moping, and to just appreciate what you had. 

You shifted closer to him, so that your bodies would touch, and you wouldn’t both be alone right now, “I’m glad you exist too, Jun”

He immediately wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into him.

It was always better to be alone together.

The television was right in front of you, and the shelves framing it were stocked with old VCRs, and tapes and movies.

“Remember when there were five of us on this couch…and there was absolutely no space for anyone, but we would watch Say Anything over and over again?” You laughed, thinking back to all the sleepovers. 

You’d spent so much of your childhood here, in this room as Yeonjun’s mum baked you treats. Tonight seemed to be a night of remembering, and of nostalgia, and your mind felt clearer than it had in hours. 

Maybe it was Yeonjun’s arm around you, maybe it was the memory of Hyunjin’s voice in your head, or maybe it was the fact that Felix had finally reached out to talk.

You wonder what he had to say, but regardless, that was a problem the you-from-tomorrow would worry about.

You-of-tonight would just let this night be, and not try to make of it more than it was.

“Do you wanna watch it?”

You glanced at him, “Just the two of us?”

He nodded, “Yeah”

It was well past three am, and starting a movie right now would mean that you both wouldn’t get any sleep, but that was okay, and some sleepless nights were worth it. 

You had work in the morning, but Yeonjun wasn’t here for long so you had to make the most of those moments. This might be exactly what he needed, to feel better. 

“All right” You agreed, “Let’s watch it”

He got off the couch, stretching his lanky panda-pajama legs out. He wandered over to his cabinet, filtering through the box of CDs. You hadn’t used those in forever, far too used to the Netflix you shared with Yongbok, but perhaps bringing everything back to as it was, is what would make everything better.

“What do you think he wanted to talk to me about?” You wondered out loud, tracing the rim of your new beer bottle.

Yeonjun was sat on his knees as he searched for the movie, “Honestly?”

“Yeah”

He stared off into space, hands paused in his work, “Felix…would do anything for you, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to apologise now”

You nodded, taking another sip of the cheap cranberry-extract beverage.

“I made a promise to him, when we were fifteen… that I wouldn’t let anything come in between us. Do you think he blames me for what’s happening to us?”

Yeonjun glanced at you, soft gaze, before turning back to the wooden box, “He could never blame you for anything, Y/N”

You sighed, “Yeah”

“Do you need help?” You realised, as Yeonjun frowned.

“Could you check the other box?” 

You nodded, joining him on the wool carpet, rummaging through the box his sister had labelled.

“I swear, Yuqi needs to have a better organisation system in place” He mumbled.

“I miss her” You laughed, “How is everything with her?”

“She’s actually visiting soon, especially when I told her I was back in Daejon for a while” He smiled, “She’s almost done with her studies”

“That’s crazy” You laughed, “Is she gonna work in Busan too or will she move back here?”

Yeonjun hummed, “You can ask her all of that when she comes. I really do not want to discuss my sister right now”

You laughed, flitting through the various discs.

“Found it!” You declared, bringing out the DVD and handing it to him, “Will it still work?”

“I have faith it will” He got up on his knees, inserting it into the player, “Does Felix know you’re at my place?”

You shook your head, “He would freak”

He seemed to be pondering over it, “You could…call him here”

You blanked, “What? You…two haven’t talked in months. I don’t think he’d come here, even if I called him”

“Say Anything was his favourite film. Tell him we’re watching that”

You laughed, because the idea was so ridiculous, “You think Felix would put aside all of his animosity towards you…because we’re watching his favourite movie?”

Yeonjun nodded, “It sounds exactly like him”

You chuckled, “Yeah… you’re right”

You sent him a text.

im watching say anything…

If you wanna come?

felix:

i thought you said you’re not home 

you:

im not

im with yeonjun 

we’re gonna watch it together

felix:

you’re at yeonjun’s house??

you:

yeah 

we can talk about whatever it is you wanted to discuss here

felix:

sorry yn

im gonna pass

you:

seriously?

im trying here lix

felix:

trying what exactly?

you:

i thought we agreed not to let anything get in between us

or do you not remember that summer?

felix:

out of the two of us, i don’t think im the one that doesn’t remember that summer

ill see you later yn

you:

sometimes youre being impossible and i don’t know what you want

felix:

maybe it’s better you don’t

“Any luck?” Yeonjun asked, and you glanced up at him, disappointed.

“Nope”

He let out a sigh, taking a seat back onto the couch, and you joined him. The disc player made a lot of noise as it started up, and you feared it may not work from years of no use, but the screen lit up. 

Perhaps the reason you liked this movie was because it was so simple.

It was about an impossible love, made possible, against all odds.

You settled into Yeonjun’s shoulder as it started.

It didn't feel the same without them. There were silly parts that Felix would always laugh at, jokes that weren’t even funny, and Hana would always be pointing out the inaccuracies in the movie, to Minho’s joy.

It wasn’t the same.

Everything had changed.

Would things be different today, if you’d thought with your head instead of your heart?

Or would everything still be the same?

“Do you believe in fate?”

He glanced at you, new bottle of beer balanced in his lap, that he’d took from the icebox near his feet, “Hmm?”

It felt sad, just the two of you, drinking away, at what should be the peak of your lives.

“You know…the notion that there’s a path our lives are supposed to be on, and that every choice or decision we make just takes us there”

“I don’t know, Y/N. Doesn’t that mean we have no free will? That everything is already chosen for us?”

“I guess” You shrugged, reaching for the bottle between his thighs. He let you, and you brought it up to take another sip. 

“What? Do you think it’s fate we broke up?” He laughed, “Me and her?”

You shrugged, “No, I guess I’m just thinking if I made the right choices this summer”

“What do you mean?” He turned to you, seemingly having lost interest in watching the movie anymore.

You picked at the fabric of the couch, “I loved how things used to be. Still, I was fighting it for the longest time because I so badly wanted everything to change too. I wanted to move out. I wanted Felix to support that. I wanted Hana to not be heartbroken anymore. I wanted us all to…stay in touch, no matter what, but now I wonder if wanting all of that is futile. I can’t have all of it. Isn’t that too greedy of me?”

“Y/N…” Yeonjun spoke, “It’s okay to hold on to the things we love, even if you want your life to change. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wishing that”

You bit your lip, “Because now I really wish Lix were here…I made a promise to him that I’d never let anything come in between us”

“You were fifteen. I made a lot of promises to Hana too, which obviously aren’t true anymore… but that doesn’t mean I was lying when I made them. People change, and priorities change. It’s not set in stone”

You nodded, “I guess promises when made, are just hope that even if everything in the world changes, you’ll still hold on to that person”

“Yeah”

“Tonight at the pool, before the dinner party, Hyunjin said that he would finally tell me what was going on, with Jisung, with the media, and why he’s been so stressed the last couple of week. I wanted to ask him so many tim-”

Yeonjun turned to you, “Did you just say Jisung?”

“Yeah. Why?” 

“Um. Nothing. I just…heard about him…on the news”

You sat up at those words, turning to face him, “What did you hear?”

He sighed, “You really want me to tell you? It might be better if Hyunjin does. I don’t know the whole extent of things”

A wave of worry washed over you. Was the situation really so bad that Yeonjun, a person who didn’t even keep up with such news, had already heard about it?

You settled back down, because there was no point stressing over it now, “I’ll talk to him tomorrow, first thing. I hope Jisung is okay”

“How is his band anyway?”

“You haven’t heard their music yet?”

He shrugged, “On the radio, a couple of times” 

“What? They play his band on the radio?” 

Yeonjun glanced at you, smiling, “Yeah. Sometimes when I’m browsing the television, their videos also come up. Their sound is really fucking cool”

“That’s crazy” You realised, “I think I’d lose it if I heard Hyunjin’s voice on the radio. I’d...probably think it was fate or something”

“I have no doubt that you would” He laughed.

“I haven’t heard all their albums” You admitted, “Does that make a bad friend?”

“Depends” He shrugged, “Why haven’t you heard it?”

You fiddled with the blanket in your lap, “If I hear all their music, and his voice when he sings…I might fall even crazier in love, and that’s just…avoidable”

Yeonjun smiled, eyes crinkling, “Why…why don’t you tell him, Y/N?”

“Tell him what? That I haven’t heard all of his music? He’d hate me-”

“That you’re in love with him” 

“Why would I do that?”

“Because if he knows you love him, it might change everything”

You swallowed, “It won’t change the fact that he is who he is, and that his life is the way it is”

“No, but listen to me, Y/N. Love is a…it’s a huge fucking thing. It might change everything, if he knows what you feel for him, the true magnitude of it. He might reconsider his never-dating-anybody theory”

You stared at Yeonjun as he spoke, unable to even imagine or comprehend how Hyunjin could react to such knowledge.

To be told that someone was in love with you.

How would you react to something like that?

You’d never been in that position before, not romantically anyway, and maybe Yeonjun was right. It would change things. How could it not?

“I’ll…think about it”

“Sometimes, the things that can make the most difference in our lives, is the stuff that we don’t say”

“God. You’re like…a complete self-help book speaking at this point, you know that?”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes, poking you, “If someone told you they loved you, wouldn’t that change everything?”

“It’s hard to imagine. Maybe you’re right”

“When is he going back to the city?” Yeonjun asked, the one topic you’d been avoiding forever. 

Your heart stung at the reminder.

He was going to leave, eventually.

“Not till the end of summer, which is still a month away, so...I have time”

But he would leave.

“He’s going back in a month? Fuck, that’s...not much”

“Yeah” You nodded, “I’m trying not to think about that. It’s...too soon, it’s going to go away in the blink of an eye. I don’t really wanna think about how I'll feel the day he leaves”

“I understand”

“I’ve gotten so used to him, and being around him, it feels...natural, and after tonight- we’re only getting closer”

Yeonjun smiled, “Maybe one more month with you, and Hyunjin may just change his mind”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s impossible”

He sighed, wrapping his arm around you again, “Guess what? Last week, at work, one of the HR interns…she asked me out on a date”

“What?” You laughed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There was nothing to tell. She’s cute, well I don’t even know her, but I think I’m gonna take her out next week”

“You are?” You giggled, shifting closer.

He smiled, waving his hands about, “It’s time for me to finally branch out. To move on”

“I can’t believe all of this started from Hana wanting to move on, the beginning of this summer” You remembered.

Yeonjun glanced at you, “So then technically, you have me to thank for bringing Hyunjin into your life”

You laughed loudly, “God, yeah, I guess that is it. You’re responsible”

He grinned, pulling at your cheek, “I guess fate does exist”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. If me and Hana had to be over so that you could find the love of your life, I’d say it was pretty fucking worth it”

You rolled your eyes, “And why can’t the both of us…be happy? Is fate so cruel to deny you your one true love?”

Yeonjun turned to smile at you, a glint in his eye, “Well. Maybe… the cute intern from HR is the love of my life”

»»————-

The loudness of The Grove did nothing to ease your headache. It was just a little past six am, but the diner was in full swing, and customers filtered in and out of the joint, grabbing their usual breakfast waffles and chocolate milkshakes.

“Give me just two more minutes, Y/N!” Seonmi yelled, over the counter, as she sped through making the quickest caramel macchiato you’d ever seen.

“Of course” You responded, balancing your bag on the counter as she cycled through the customers. You’d hardly slept last night, not even having the energy to finish the film, and you and Yeonjun had fallen asleep on the living room couch as the credits rolled.

You had been woken up by your very loud alarm, and you’d apologised to him for it, somehow forgetting that today was a work day, and that you’d have to leave at dawn.

Glancing around the diner, you noticed some familiar faces from the Lakehouse party, people you remember seeing through your blur of tears. San and Seonghwa knew a lot of people, but you hadn’t expected to see them around town so soon.

One of the boys made eye contact with you, and you looked away, hoping none of them remembered the harsh fight you’d had with Hana.

They probably heard everything.

Not that you cared what they thought of you, you just wish you could go back to that night and erase the argument, for your own sake. 

“Okay, I can take your order now!” Seonmi squealed, stepping up to you, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

You tugged the earphones out of your ears, smiling at her, “Can you take a breather for me?”

Her eyes widened, in perplexed cuteness, “What do you mean?”

“You seem so stressed and the day hasn’t even started yet” You grabbed her hand over the counter, squeezing it, “Don’t forget to breathe”

Her lips tugged up, “Thank you, Y/N. You know how it gets sometimes, there’s a rush this morning and I don’t even know why”

“Well, I don’t know how it gets since I don’t work in the most popular diner in town” You teased her, as she smiled, “Something tells me a lot of people come here for the cute waitress”

She let out a giggle, “Thank you. What can I get you, though?”

“The regular would do” You told her, playing with the little tabletop jukebox, “Whipped cream too, please”

“Of course” She smiled, getting back into the meld of things, and you took a temporary seat at the barstool, as she made your drink.

“Those people…do you know them?” You asked her, glancing over at the group.

She looked up momentarily, “The ones from San’s party?”

“Mmh” 

“They’re older than me, so I don’t really hang with them much. I think most of them are only here for the summer”

“Really?”

Seonmi nodded, as she piped whipped cream onto your hot latte, “Jiho’s from Seoul, and Alexander, he’s visiting from up in Incheon”

It seemed like everyone your age who was born here, had since moved out of Daejon, in pursuit of happiness, and better things.

“Ah, I see” You bit your lip, even though you didn’t know who Jiho was or who Alexander was.

“Why do you ask?”

“They were looking at me earlier, and I think I saw them playing beer pong at the Lakehouse. Just wondering” You shrugged, as Seonmi reached over, handing you your cup.

“Ah, probably because of Hyunjin” She giggled.

“What do you mean?” You tilt your head, a soft smile fighting you just because hearing his name made your heart pound like crazy, even at six am on a work day.

“You know…” She glanced up at you, while wiping the counter clean, “You and him are always together…people are talking”

You sat up straight, “About… us?”

She nodded, “Don’t worry about it though, the people of Daejon always need something to talk about. They’ll move on soon”

Even though you hated town gossip and rumours, the idea that people associated you and Hyunjin with each other made your heart warm. You’d never thought something that bizarre could happen, but hearing his name with yours made it all the more real.

You smiled, flushing at just the thought of him, “Um…did he come by earlier this morning?”

Seonmi had moved on to her next order, hurriedly adding caramel to a drink, “Hyunjin? Nope”

You frowned, “He usually comes by though, right?”

She nodded, “Without fail, every morning…he’s here. Kind of gives me something to look forward to, if I’m being honest”

“Yeah?”

Seonmi paused in her work look at you, “Yeah. He’s always so…kind. It’s like within the flurry of customers, he’s the only patient one. Plus, he’s a sight for sore eyes on morning shifts”

You chuckled, “I didn’t know he’s here that often”

“Oh, he is. I guess Hyunjin can’t live without his coffee either” She shrugged, and then suddenly lit up as if remembering something, “Oh! The other day, you should’ve seen him, Y/N, he was so cute. He spent the entire day here, just reading this book he’s carrying around, and wow…everybody was asking about him, about the quiet, pretty boy in the corner”

Just hearing Seonmi describe him made your heart flutter, because you could picture it so perfectly in your head, even though a part of you was also envious that she got to see him like that, instead of you.

“When was that?”

“A couple of days ago” She scribbled an order for another customer, “I wanted to ask him what book he was reading, but I was really nervous”

You laughed, “Why were you nervous?”

“He’s…intimidating, and I didn’t wanna bother him. But you two are close, maybe you can ask him for me”

Close couldn’t even begin to describe it, but how else would you explain what you two had?

“Yeah, we’re…close”

“Kinda weird he isn’t here today” She added, “But you can always bring him coffee… Maybe he’s busy, or slept in late”

You hadn’t even thought of that, “I could?”

She laughed, “I mean you two are practically dating, aren’t you?”

The warmth faded, and you shook your head, “No of course not, we’re …friends”

Of all the things going on in his life, he couldn’t afford to get into a dating scandal right now, especially because of you.

“Right” She rolled her eyes, “You should still bring your hot friend a coffee”

“You think so?” The idea of bringing it to him made you giddy, because you could imagine his smile, and it would be such a great start to your day - making him happy.

“Of course. He gets the same order as yours anyway, I’ll just add another to your tab”

“Okay” You agreed, and pulled out your phone.

You hadn’t talked to him since last night.

Since…that phone call.

The memory made you red and hot all over, and you opened up his texts. You weren’t sure how to even start, but perhaps you wouldn’t overthink it.

It was obvious to him how you felt, especially after that conversation, and you would just be yourself now.

There was only a month. There was no time to shy away from what you truly wanted.

No more holding back, or second-guessing.

you:

good morning hyun

are you home ?

His reply was instant, meaning he was awake and okay, and you leaned on the counter, waiting for him to type out his answer.

hyun:

morning yn :)

yes i am 

where else would i be at six am ?

you:

idk haha

im at the diner

are you coming here ?

i was thinking i could, like meet you before work

hyun:

oh

im sorry 

i don’t think i can

you:

is everything all right?

hyun:

i think i might be sick :/

you:

what??

what’s wrong?

hyun:

haha its nothing…

just my head hurts like a bitch

ive been up all night

You frowned, heart clenching at the thought of him being in pain.

“Here’s your coffee, love” Seonmi interrupted, placing a to-go cup in front of you, “Well…Hyunjin’s coffee”

“Actually…could I get some peppermint tea instead?” You asked, and she stared at you like you were crazy.

“You’re asking for tea?”

“Hyun is feeling sick” You told her, and just the words felt bitter in your mouth. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t say much, just that his head hurts” You frowned.

“Oh” She pouted, “Of course. I’ll get you some right now, but it might get cold by the time you get it to him. Maybe the caffeine will help more?”

“You’re right” You stared at the coffee.

“Hey” She laughed, reaching forward to grab your hand, “Now you’re the one who looks stressed”

“I am… just worried about him”

“He’ll be fine. It’s only a headache” She hummed, returning to her chores, then teased, “Just friends, you say”

It was your turn to roll your eyes, “Friends can be worried, too”

“I know” She laughed, “It’s funny cause Eunbi keeps saying the same thing to me about her boy. Just friends”

“Who’s Eunbi dating?” You questioned, hoping some town gossip would distract you from Hyunjin being unwell.

Seonmi glanced up at you, lowering her voice so the other patrons wouldn’t hear, “Oh, they’re not dating. Just fucking”

“I didn’t know Eunbi is into that kind of situation” You noted, grabbing Hyunjin’s coffee in your hands.

“Yeah! I honestly didn’t think Felix would be either but like…they’re both hot, so I completely get it”

“What?” You looked up, stopping in your movement.

She flippantly glanced at you, “Yeah…her and Felix”

“Wait…what?”

She chuckled, “They’re fucking…I just told you. You didn’t know?”

“No…” You trailed off. 

Is that what Felix wanted to talk to you about?

She stared at you, realisation dawning on her face, “Oh. I thought everybody knew”

“I didn’t” You stated, perhaps too harshly.

“Fuck. You’re…not in love with him or anything, right?”

“What?”

She shrugged, “I mean…you two have been…you know…best friends since-”

You frowned, grabbing your bag off the counter, “No. I’m just taken aback…”

“You sure?” Seonmi frowned, eyebrows knitting together.

You stared at her, “Yeah. I’m sure”

“Well, I’m sure he was gonna tell you soon. Maybe he just forgot”

“Yeah. We’re not really talking right now” You mumbled.

She nodded, “Ah. Eunbi mentioned that. Your fights”

“She knows about that…?”

She shrugged, knowingly, “Yongbok told her”

You squeezed the coffee cup in your hands, a bitter taste in your mouth but you didn’t have time to dwell on this right now, Hyunjin needed you, “I…um, I better get this coffee to him before it gets cold”

»»————-

It had only been a few minutes since you knocked at his front door, the floral wreath hung on the front shaking every time you did so, but nobody had come to the door yet.

You should be patient and wait a bit more.

But your mind assumed the worst, like what if Hyunjin passed out…or fell so sick he couldn’t get out of bed? 

You had half a mind to bring out your phone to ask him where he was because he said he’d be home, but your hands were unfortunately occupied by the coffee. 

The revelation from the diner was still bothering you, but now, you had more important things to worry about.

“Hyun?” You called out loud, in the hope that maybe if he didn’t hear the knocking, he’d hear your voice.

In response though, you heard a bark, making you jump out of your skin.

Kkami.

He was nearby, and you stepped off Hyunjin’s porch, following the sound of his puppy’s excited mewling and barks.

“Kkami?” You asked, tentatively, peeking around the side of his house. 

You don’t know how you hadn’t noticed this before. 

A little metal gate, rusted, led to a back garden.

The path was surrounded on either side by overgrown vines and flowers. 

You hadn’t ever come here before. 

Well, technically you’d only been to Hyun’s house once and hadn’t seen anything except his bedroom. The memory made you warm, and you relived it in your head as you pushed open the rusted garden gate. 

The path ran along the side of Hyunjin’s house, and stepping over the pebbles, you passed the windows of his kitchen and living room.

You were trespassing, technically, but he would understand, right?

“Kkami…?” You called out again, emerging into the back garden, when the little ball of fluff ran head-on towards you, jumping at your body with enough force, catching you off guard. 

The surprise knocked you and the coffee to the ground, and the cup overturned, spilling all over your top.

“Ow” You mumbled, hitting the grass, as Kkami began licking your hand, and the coffee soaked all the way through your shirt. 

It was already cold by now, so it didn’t burn. Still, frustration coursed through you because you’d carefully sought this coffee for him, and now you wouldn’t even be able to give it to him.

“Oh my god” Hyunjin’s voice interrupted your short-lived misery, and you looked up, an impossible frown on your face. 

A frown that melted immediately, with the sight that you were greeted.

Hyunjin.

He sat cross-legged on the grass, across the garden, a soft white sweatshirt enveloping him.

A paper-thin novel was held between his hands, glasses pushed up to his hair, and you had half a mind to question just why Hyunjin was up at six am on a weekend, and reading a goddamn poetry book, but that wasn’t the craziest thing about him today.

His hair.

Wispy bangs fell into his eyes, the color of fucking chocolate.

What the fuck?

Your annoyance at Kkami was forgotten, and so was any semblance of a thought you had in your head. Talk about a fucking cliche.

“Y/N…” He immediately stood up, placing his book to the side, face-down on the grass, and you worried that the pages would get wet, but Hyunjin didn’t seem to care about that right now. 

He rushed to you, bending down to your height, “I’m sorry, Kkami. He…”

Carefully, he pried the puppy away from you, telling him to go sit in a hushed whisper, before he turned back to face you.

You felt silly, sat on the grass on your butt, with just your palms supporting you, coffee soaking through your work clothes, staring at him.

Had his eyes always been that pretty?

The light-brown hair brought out the hazel in his eyes, which seemed even brighter now, and every romance book you’d heard Hana talk about suddenly made all the sense in the world, as you felt yourself get sucked into the depth of his gaze.

“You okay?” He tilt his head, the movement making his bangs shift, and you noticed that the side strands were longer, framing his face perfectly.

His brows were darker now too, to match the hair, and just when you thought you couldn’t go absolutely insane about him anymore, he’d prove you wrong by doing something like this.

His lips, puffier than usual, curled up into a smile when he noticed you staring so blatantly.

“Yeah” You cleared your throat, “You…you said you were sick”

So he just forgot to tell you this morning that he’d completely changed his hair?

“I am” He chuckled, then his gaze fell to your top, “You’ve got coffee on you”

“Oh” You glanced down at it, and you didn’t feel anything, or maybe you were too enamored by the boy to feel any pain. 

He must be a fucking siren, or a creature of some sort to have this sort of effect on you, even after all this while. Everything you’d been worrying about seemed like a distant memory, a problem you didn’t have to deal with, and all he’d done was say five words to you.

“Are you hurt? I’m sorry about your coffee…Kkami is misbehaving a lot-”

“It’s actually your coffee” You stated, looking back up at him, finally finding your bearing on coherent words and sentences, “Well…was your coffee”

“Mine?” He smiled, “You brought that for me?”

You nodded and added, stupidly, “I…was at your front door, but you weren’t there, so I…came in through the metal gate”

“Yeah. I was here” He explained, even though it was obvious, “Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

You nodded, reassuring him, “I’m okay, but…if you’re sick, why are you out here?

“I needed some fresh air. My head…” He grimaced as another bout of pain hit him.

Without thinking, you reached forward, caressing his face, and Hyunjin was taken aback, just slightly.

Your voice was low, soft, “It hurts?”

His eyes fixed onto yours, as your fingers trailed down his jaw, “Yeah”

“I’m sorry” You spoke, “Where does it hurt?”

He grabbed your hand within his, long fingers wrapping around your wrist, and guided it to just above his eyes, brushing past his bangs, “Right here, but…don’t worry about me”

“Let me take care of you” You blurted, touching him delicately.

His eyes closed, and he smiled, relishing in the feeling, “I need to get you out of these clothes first”

“What?” 

His eyes shot open, realisation sinking in, “I mean…the coffee. You have to change”

“Oh, okay”

“Come on” He gestured, helping you stand up, with your unsteady feet. The cup of coffee lay upturned on the grass, along with your bag. Hyunjin held your hand in his own, and bent down to pick up your bag with his other. He slung it over his shoulder, tugging the strap tightly.

You looked around the back garden, and it was so beautiful that you had to do a double take just to take everything in.

“It’s amazing” You breathed, watching Kkami play in the grass, tossing and turning around. Your gaze fell to the book that lay open on the grass, and Seonmi’s words came to mind, “What were you reading?”

“I can tell you that later, when you’re warm and dry” He chuckled, then touched your lower back to guide you into the house, “Come”

You nodded, his touch sending a tingle down your spine, but let him lead you into his house. 

It was crazy, that just yesterday you were so bold, talking about the things you wanted him to do to you, and now…now you were going into overdrive just at his hand on your back.

You craned to look at him, “Are you in a lot of pain?”

He shook his head, “I’ll be fine”

There was another entrance at the back of the house, sliding doors opening up to reveal his living area, warm wooden floors and cosy seating. Kkami ran in just after the two of you, jumping around the futon.

“Do you want to wear something of mine?” Hyunjin asked, leading you to his bedroom. You’d been so lost in him that you’d forgotten what you were doing here. 

You had initially been on your way to work.

“I have…a hoodie in my bag. An extra one” You told him, “I brought it in case it gets cold”

He stopped at the threshold of his doorway, looking at you, “Well, that’s perfect then”

“Yeah” You nodded, “Can I change in your bathroom?”

“Of course” He smiled, and you stepped inside.

Being back here after all this time, was strange. 

His bed was exactly the same kind of messy, but covers and duvets now switched out for a sky-blue color, and his pillows were lined up against the wall. 

It made you want to lie down, since you were severely lacking sleep, but you had work, and this bed wouldn’t probably be big enough for the two of you.

The thought was ridiculous anyway, but it left you wondering.

Last night, you were on your way here in your lustful daze, and if Yeonjun hadn’t been heartbroken, you would have come here. 

The canvases leaning against the far wall were new; you could tell he’d been working on so much art in your absence. Paint canisters were haphazardly placed across the floor, and you carefully walked amongst them, hoping to not knock over any.

Pushing open the door to his bathroom, you placed your bag on the counter, searching through for your hoodie.

Hyunjin leaned on the doorway, watching you, peacefully. He must be in more pain than he let on, because he was hardly saying anything.

You glanced at him, eyebrow raised, “Are you… going to stay here while I change?”

He laughed, “No, I…I’m just…Never mind”

He turned around, giving you the privacy you needed. 

You peeled off your tank top, scrunching it up over the sink to squeeze the liquid out, and you both didn’t address the fact that you hadn’t closed the door, instead letting Hyunjin stand facing the other way.

If he turned, he would see you in just your bra, but you honestly didn’t even mind, or care.

Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you wiped the sticky coffee from your forearms.

“I’m sorry about Kkami” He spoke again, and you glanced at his back. It was cute, how he stood facing the other way, arms crossed, like a kid on a timeout. His hair grazed just past his shoulders, the chocolate brown contrasting perfectly with his sweatshirt.

“It’s all right” You smiled, running the shirt under water.

“Are you dressed?” He asked.

“Not yet” You told him, pushing your arms through your spare sweatshirt, “I’m… really upset”

“Why?” He asked, surprise in his tone.

“The hot drink…it was supposed to make you feel better” You frowned. “Now I don’t have anything to give you”

“That’s okay” He laughed, “I already feel better”

“Your head doesn’t hurt anymore?” You asked, looking over at him.

“No, it does hurt but some sleep will make me feel better” He laughed, “Are you dressed now?”

You glanced at him, a soft smile overtaking you, “No”

Hyunjin nodded, a small ‘Okay’ leaving his lips.

You laughed, pushing your sweatshirt down to cover up, “Why are you so impatient? But yeah, I am dressed now”

He immediately turned around at those words, and pulled you in for a hug, like he’d been counting down the seconds till you could be in his arms. You stumbled into his embrace, surprised at his urgency.

“Thank you for coming to see me, Y/N” He mumbled, face buried in your hair, and you brought your hands up, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“You don’t have to thank me” You smiled, dying but living for the warmth of his body.

He squeezed you in his embrace, “I do”

It was a simple hug. It felt so innocent, so tame, so mild compared to last night, yet the carnal desire you felt for him was just the same, if not more now.

How could Hyunjin be more desirable when he wasn’t even trying to be?

All he was doing was hugging you in his little bathroom, surrounded by potted plants, and fragrances, and candles, and they were all so him.

Pulling away, you looked up, noticing the puffiness of his eyes, “You look so tired”

“I had a stressful night…after you told me you couldn’t come” He explained, “I ended up calling Chan, and we talked up until five”

“Five am? So…you haven’t slept at all?” 

He nodded, a forced smile as he shrugged, “Guilty”

“Hyun…” You frowned, “You need to get some sleep, now”

He sighed, “Now? I’ll end up sleeping through the day if I do, and I…don’t want to waste any time”

“Waste?” You questioned, “It’s not waste. You’re…just sleeping”

“Yeah” He swallowed, “But…”

“But?” 

“But you won’t be here” He finished, “And I would much rather…spend time with you. I know you have work today, I was thinking I could come in to the shop. I promise I won’t distract you, I could sit and read. You won’t even know I’m there. Or I could paint”

You couldn’t help but smile, heart swelling at his eagerness, “If you’re there…I won’t be focusing on my work, Hyun”

He shook his head, as if he’d already prepared the answer, “Then I can sit in the back room. You won’t know I’m there”

You giggled, “Then what’s the point?”

He tilt his head, “The point is… that I’ll be close to you”

Your smile grew, and you tightened your grip on his waist, “You…changed your hair”

His eyes widened, “Yeah. I did. Took you long enough to notice”

“I noticed it the second I saw you. I just-”

“You didn’t say anything” He interrupted.

Your gaze followed the light-brown tendrils as they grazed his jaw, “I don’t even know what to say” 

“You hate it?” His smile fell.

You shook your head instantly, “No. It’s…It… reminds me of chocolate”

His lip tilted up, “Good enough to eat?”

You laughed, letting go of his waist, “I take the flirting as a sign that you’re feeling better”

“Mmh”

“You still need to get in bed”

“Are you gonna show me how much you like it in bed?” He asked, and you laughed.

“Shut up” You pushed him, lightly, “It’s unlike you to ask for validation”

“It’s unlike you to be so flippant to me” He pouted, walking back into his room. 

It was hot inside so he pulled off his sweatshirt, revealing the tight black t-shirt he wore inside. The neckline dipped low enough to reveal his collarbones, and it was different from the more oversized shirts he usually wore. He stretched his arms, a small yawn escaping.

“I…have to get to work” You realised, “I’m gonna make you some coffee first though, is that okay?”

He glanced at you, in surprise, “You don’t have to”

“Caffeine will help with the pain”

He shook his head, “I promise I’ll take a nap after you leave”

“Okay” You nodded, grabbing your bag, “I’ll…get going then”

You passed him to leave, but he reached out, tugging at your tote bag to stop you.

You looked at him, “What, Hyun?”

“Aera’s doesn’t open until another forty two minutes, and it’ll only take you eight to get there” He hummed matter-of-factly, with the convincing powers and puppy-eyed gaze of a kid who wanted to go to Disney.

“What’s gotten into you?” You laughed, but let him take your bag, indulging him in his little request. He was right, after all. 

You had to make the most of your time with him, even if it were stolen little moments like this.

You leaned against the bedroom door, eyeing him up, as he put your bag to the side, and he clearly didn’t plan on letting you leave anytime soon.

He bent down to gather the stray paintbrushes on the floor, “I just felt like spending some time with you. Is that so wrong?”

You smiled, looking around the room, “Why is all your shit everywhere?”

He glanced up at you, “I paint when I’m stressed”

“Oh” You recalled, “You were painting last night when you called me”

“I was” He hummed, “When do you get off work?”

“Couple of hours”

“You don’t work Saturdays, usually”

“You have my schedule memorised?” You raised your eyebrow, wanting to tease.

“It’s not that hard” He rolled his eyes, “You work alternate days”

“Right”

He kneeled onto the floor, pulling out a wooden basket from underneath his bed, placing paint tubes inside it. 

You weren’t sure what to do as he started packing his art supplies. 

He wasn’t even saying much, as you stood leaning against the door, observing him, recognising the tune he hummed to himself.

He bent over, and whenever he did his shirt would fall forward, allowing you a glimpse of his chest.

Every time you met, you pushed another boundary, crossed another threshold, and after he talked about fucking you last night, you obviously weren’t just friends anymore.

The energy felt...so different, but it was never uncomfortable.

3 a.m. Hyunjin was a stark contrast from 7 a.m. Hyunjin, and...you loved both.

It felt so strangely calm, so domestic, so heartwarming.

It was seven am on a regular Saturday morning, and you were in Hyunjin’s bedroom, as he cleaned up.

A pink tube then slipped from his hands, rolling under the bed, and he cursed, “Shit”

“Let me” You offered, kneeling to join him on the floor.  You stretched to reach for the watercolour tube, and underneath his bed were discarded hairbands, pencils, and a bag of treats for Kkami. Cute.

After retrieving it, Hyunjin smiled at you, whispering a ‘Thank you’ as he placed it inside the original packing.

“One day you should really let me organise your art supplies”

He tilt his head, “Can that day be today?”

You laughed, “I told you. I have to go to work”

He shrugged, “Skip it”

“Oh, will you start paying my bills when I eventually get fired from Aera’s for slacking?”

“Yeah I will” He said, without hesitation.

Your eyebrows shot up, “Shut up, Hyun”

“Shut up?” He gasped, “Can’t believe you’re being so mean to a sick boy”

“Oh” You realised, reaching forward to cup his cheek, “It still hurts a lot?”

He smiled, leaning into your touch, “Less when you’re here”

You dropped your hand, heart clenching, “I wish I could stay then”

“But you don’t work Saturdays, so why today?”

“Mina wanted me to help with the stock…we have some new supplies coming in, and just needed to get my mind off something 

“Something like what?”

“You don’t have to worry about it, Hyun”

“Maybe I could get your mind off it”

You crossed your arms, “What if you’re the thing I need to get my mind off?”

He frowned, “Did I do something wrong?”

You laughed, “No, don’t worry about that”

He closed the wooden lid, gripping the box, “Last night…You said Yeonjun wasn’t feeling all right. Is he okay now?”

“It’ll take time. He’s just having a hard time, with Hana”

“Oh”

You shrugged, “Love sucks, I guess”

He laughed, “You got that right”

You sat back on your ankles, looking around the room, “What was the book you were reading?”

“Oh. I left it out in the garden. Could you get it for me?

"Yeah, once you tell me what it’s about”

Hyunjin smiled, pushing the box back under his bed, “It’s about fate”

You slid open the doors to the back garden, cold morning air rushing in. Plants of all kinds grew alongside the wooden fence. You wonder if it was him, or his aunt who had planted them. 

Picking up the book, you saw the page it was open to had been creased. 

Hyunjin had marked some pages, left little notes, annotating it, and he must have read through it countless times, so you asked him about it when you came back, “So why are you reading a book about fate this early in the day?”

Hyunjin was still sat on the floor, except his head was buried in his hands, “Fuck. I really shouldn’t have stayed up”

You immediately abandoned the book, stepping up to him, “Hyun. What’s wrong?” 

He mumbled, ‘I’m okay’, running a hand through his hair, but he clearly wasn’t okay.

“Come on, let me get you into bed” You gripped his arms so you could pull him up, but he stayed where he was.

“I’m fine” He answered, through gritted teeth.

You tilt his chin up, so he’d look at you. His eyes were tired, puffy and red, and he looked terribly sleep-deprived.

“Why do you not want to sleep?”

His voice turned soft, “Because then you’ll leave”

“Hyun…” Your heart melted, “I’ll be back in a few hours, you’ll barely notice that I was gone”

He pouted, “I'll notice”

You smiled, tilting his chin up to look at you, “Why are you trying to be cute?”

“Trying?” He acted offended.

“Fine” You rolled your eyes, “Why are you being cute? You know I don’t actually want to go, but...unfortunately we live in a capitalist society and I need to pay the bills”

“I fucking hate capitalism”

You laughed, “Come on. What’s wrong?”

“I just...like being around you” He shrugged, “And now that...you won’t be moving for the program in the city, I don't know when I’m gonna see you again. I was really looking forward to meeting you in Seoul”

“I know, me too, but you'll see me every day for the rest of this month. Isn’t that enough?”

It was ironic that you were saying that, because it obviously wasn’t enough even to you.

Something flashed through his eyes, an emotion you couldn’t recognise and he mumbled, “I guess”

“Hyun, we have time to deal with that later, but can I bring you some Aspirin now?”

“I’m just so fucking tired of this shit” He mumbled.

“What shit?”

He glanced at you, “If I tell you…you’ll be stressed too”

Your eyebrows knit together, confused at what he was talking about now, “Please tell me, Hyun”

He sighed, running another hand through his hair, “Okay. It’s just…it might upset you, and you’re going to be thinking about it all day at work. I know it”

“I don’t care, I want to understand why you’re feeling this way”

His eyes were heavy with emotion, “Are you sure, Y/N?”

It scared you, what he wasn’t telling you, but you had to know.

“You’ve been upset about this, for weeks, Hyunjin. I…maybe I can help, or make you feel better somehow”

He shook his head, a chuckle escaping, “You can’t make me feel better about this”

Ouch.

“Oh. Okay”

He looked up at you, “Shit. That’s not how I meant it. I mean…nobody can do anything, it’s a fucked up situation”

“I’ll try my best to understand it then”

He sighed, leaning back, fiddling with the string on his sweatpants, “It’s…about Jisung. I had to leave Yeonjun’s place early yesterday, because…there’s been some stuff going on with Jisung, and it’s just so frustrating”

“What’s going on?” You asked, hoping you didn’t overstep with your questions.

He looked up at you, “Under my company, we have this…sort of contract, a contract that’s responsible for our health. Mentally and physically. They ensure we’re okay, because it can get stressful and tiring, for our bodies…do you get it?”

“Yeah. That’s a good thing, right?”

He nodded, “It’s supposed to be, yes. It is a good thing. If it weren’t for that, I probably wouldn’t be eating well, or getting enough sleep”

“What do you mean?”

He swallowed, “I mean…sometimes the company wants us to be in a certain…shape for an album, or a photoshoot. The pressure of that can be a lot, but this…this contract, it basically makes sure that they don’t push us too hard”

“Right”

He added, “It’s because of that contract that I was able to come back home, because they recognised that I needed some space. Most people in my line of work…they don’t get that freedom or liberty”

“The freedom…to go home?”

Hyunjin laughed, sore, “Yeah. I know how it sounds. It’s really rare for someone to go on a voluntary hiatus…like I did. They never allow it”

“Oh”

“And part of that contract is…we have these weekly appointments with a ….therapist, I guess you could say? I’m not sure what her specialisation really is, but she…talks to us and checks in with us every few weeks, to make sure we’re doing okay, and if we’re stressed about anything.

She works with the company, so it’s nice to have someone to depend on, and someone to just…rant to at the end of a really horrible month, you know?”

Even though he was telling you something nice, you could tell what he was leading up to wouldn’t be because his shoulders were tense and his voice was harsh. 

He was stressed even just talking about it, and you suddenly regret asking him to explain it to you.

You nodded, wanting to comfort him, hands itching to touch him somehow, but you kept your distance, “That’s…really nice, Hyun”

He nodded, “It is. Well…Jisung has been going to her much more often, ever since an article came out about him last month. The one you read. He was getting a lot of…negative public attention for the fight he was a part of, so he’s been seeing Mrs. Yoona far more often than the rest of us”

You nodded, unsure of what this was getting at.

“Mrs. Yoona…that’s the name of the woman we see. We talk to her every month” He clarified, and you were grateful he took his time to make sure you understood everything.

“Okay”

“Yeah…and…last week” Hyunjin sucked in a sharp breath, “I don’t know how it fucking happened, but someone got access to her files…which are supposed to be confidential”

Your breath caught in your throat, “What?”

“They…released everything about Jisung, everything he’s ever said in his… sessions, all of the things he’s anxious about, the things he hates about the job, stuff about his family, about his ex-girlfriend”

Your heart plummeted, a terrible feeling clawing at you, “They released it…publicly?” 

Hyunjin nodded, voice getting angrier, “I don’t know who the fuck it was. Probably someone from inside the company, but it doesn’t matter now, the files are out now, for every person in the fucking world to see, and it’s so unfair, because that shit’s supposed to be private. It’s his life, and…it’s not fair everyone gets to see it, and somehow use it against him”

His voice broke, and you immediately reached out to him, hand grabbing his, so he would know you were here, “I…I’m so sorry Hyun, that’s horrible” 

He nodded, looking up at you, “Yeah. It is”

“I’m sorry” You repeated, unsure what else you could say, but you felt sick. It was the worst kind of invasion of privacy, and you felt so angry.

Why the fuck would someone do that?

You couldn’t even imagine how Hyunjin felt.

“Yeah. Me too” He spoke, “I’m just on edge because of this”

“Do they…have your files too?” You asked, hoping you didn’t sound insensitive for asking about him, when something horrible had already happened with Jisung.

Hyunjin glanced at you, eyes widening, and he pulled you closer, “Y/N…please don’t worry about me”

“But-”

He cut you off though, “It doesn’t matter if they have it or not, or whatever they decide to do with it. That’s for me to think about. I can’t have you stressing about it”

“But…that’s impossible”

His expression softened, “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you”

“Hyun…” You squeezed his hand, “I’m really sorry that you have to deal with this. I wish…”

“It’s okay” He cut you off again, “I’ve been dealing with it half my life, it’s honestly not the worst thing that’s happened, which sounds so fucking cruel to say. Mostly, I’m just sad about Jisung, but he’s holding up okay for now”

Your phone suddenly buzzed, because Mina was calling you.

“I’m gonna tell her I’m gonna be late” You pulled your phone out of your denims to text her.

Hyunjin watched you do so, “You don’t have to, please”

 “Yes, I do” 

“Y/N” He reached up to stop you, “Forget what I said before. I don’t want you to miss work because of me”

“Hyun…this is more important” You told him, but your heart was pounding, “You should lie down now, you haven’t slept all night. I’m gonna get you some water, okay?”

He nodded, moving over to his bed.

You walked over to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water for him, trying not to fucking panic about what he’d just told you.

You had to breathe.

Hyunjin needed you, and it would help no one if you also began freaking the fuck out. 

How could people do something like that?

You needed to be stronger than this, because you wanted to cry just thinking about how Jisung felt. 

You squeezed your eyes shut, to calm yourself, and then finished filling up the glass for him. 

There was stuff all over the kitchen counter, different kinds of Daejon-special snacks, sour candy, instant ramyeon packed into little ziplock bags. 

Was he going on a trip or something?

As you went back to the room, Kkami was on top of Hyunjin, sitting on his chest, as Hyunjin stroked his chin, fondly. He was lying down, hair spread out on his pillow, and he glanced at you.

“I think this is the first time he’s paying so much attention to me” He told you, smiling as he scratched Kkami.

“Maybe he knows you’re sick” You hummed, placing the glass of water on the bedside table, “Are you going somewhere? Your kitchen counter...is messy”

He shook his head, eyes wide, “Um, no. I was just cleaning... earlier”

That seemed like a blatant lie, but maybe he was planning a surprise, so you didn’t push. He probably needed any break he could get. He settled further into his blanket, staring at you, “So now you know why I had to leave, when we were at the pool”

Everything made more sense now.

That’s why he had left in a hurry, and skipped the dinner party at Yeonjun’s.

He must have heard about the scandal in that moment, and the thought of finding out something like that about your friend also made you want to cry.

You bent down to grab your bag, wondering why those people wouldn’t just leave him, and his friends alone.

“Are you all right?” He asked, at your silence.

“I’m just mad…at whoever did that to Jisung”

Hyunjin reached out, grazing your arm with his fingers, “Me too, but…that anger isn’t yours to have”

“Of course it is!” You spoke, eyebrows shooting up, “I care about you and I care-”

Hyunjin sat up, interrupting you, “Hey, hey. I know”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “You don’t deserve this. None of you do. I just..I don’t understand how this shit keeps happening and people actually get away with it? Why do they care so much about your lives-”

“Y/N…” He spoke, “Can you look at me?”

You reluctantly opened your eyes, and he leaned in closer, “I know you’re upset, but can you just…please promise me you won’t worry about this?”

“I can’t…” You blurted, “You know me, Hyun. I can’t promise you that”

Hyunjin shook his head, “Can you try? If you’re going to be around me… there will be a lot of this stuff happening. You can’t let it get to you”

You swallowed, knowing this conversation was futile right now, “Yeah. I’ll try my best. You could have told me about this last night, Hyun. I could have been there for you”

“I know. I was going to, but...I didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good night” He smiled, clearly trying to cheer you up, and last night’s intense conversation felt like a fever dream compared to now.

You swallowed, “But still-”

“When you come back. I’m gonna make you feel much better, okay?” 

You smiled at the new comfort between you, “I’ll see you in a few hours”

He laid back down, head resting on the pillow, “It’s cute. You…trying to take care of me”

You rolled your eyes, “Well, forgive me for caring about you, Hyunjin”

He grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, “I will be okay”

You stared at him, and he stared up at you, sleepily, eyes barely open.

You should be the one making him feel better.

Your impulse won, and you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his forehead.

He murmured, “When you’re done at work, you can let yourself back in. The key is next to the window, under the daisy”

“The key?”

“To my place”

Your heart stirred, “Hyun-”

He curled up into his duvet, eyes drifting shut, “I’ll see you soon, Y/N”

You closed the door to his bedroom, peeking at him one last time as he buried a hand under his pillow. Hopefully he would fall into a deep, restful, stressless slumber.

The walk to Aera’s wasn’t long from his place, but you took your time, savouring every moment that warmed your heart, but your gut twisted with the new knowledge you had gained.

You had many more questions about the Jisung thing, but it wasn’t the right time to ask. 

How could Hyunjin be so kind, despite the horrible things happening in his life? You would think that such hate would turn people cruel.

And despite all that fucking stress, he still called you last night. He stayed up with you, trying to make you feel good, even though your problems were nothing compared to his.

Aera’s came into view, and you could see Mina inside, idling away on the cash counter, probably playing a game on her phone. 

In front of her lay a large bouquet of flowers, and your curiosity peaked. 

Who sent Mina flowers?

As far as you knew, she wasn’t in a relationship, and her latest hookup had ended badly, yet a beautiful arrangement of daffodils was sent to her.

Your gut twisted, in part envy and some inspiration.

Maybe after you left work, you could bring some flowers for Hyunjin.

It would barely do anything to cheer him up, but it was still a nice gesture that you know he would appreciate.

You hope he felt much better when he woke, less in pain, more at peace.

You stopped in your tracks, just outside the steps.

You’d forgotten to give him the medicine.

What if he woke up, and was looking for it? What if his head hurt again?

You were so stupid for forgetting it. It was one of the reasons you’d gone over to his place in the first place.

Aera’s was right here and you were late, but it would only take you ten minutes to get to his place and back. You needed to make sure he was okay.

For a minute you stared at the little art shop, but then you thought of the frown lines in his forehead and the sadness in his eyes and your heart eventually won the argument. 

»»————-

The key was next to the Daisy ornament, as he had promised.

It felt invasive, to enter his home, and when you pushed open the door to his room, Hyunjin was deep asleep.

He was on his side, face pressed into the pillow, covers pulled up to his chest. 

Kkami wasn’t in sight, so you walked over to his bedside table, placing the pills, a bottle of water, and a candy bar.

Just in case he was hungry.

He sure seemed at peace, eyelids shifting slightly. He was dreaming.

What kind of things did Hyunjin dream of?

You hope all the terrible shit in his life didn’t invade his subconscious, and you wish you could stay here.

You gripped the spare key, reaching for the doorknob, but his voice startled you.

“Y/N...?”

Fuck. 

You hadn’t been quiet enough, and now you’d stupidly woken him up.

“Yeah?” You turned around, and he was clearly awake and you didn’t imagine hearing him say your name. He shifted around in his blanket, to face you.

“You’re back…” He mumbled, a sleepy smile, voice hoarse, “How was work?”

Your eyebrows shot up.

You hadn’t even gone to work yet, and it had only been fifteen minutes since you left but…it seemed like he’d lost all sense of time, and clearly been dreaming away.

You stood still, staring at his body under the covers, as he looked at you, waiting for a response.

“Hyunjin, I…”

“Was it not a good day?” He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes, a frown on his lips, and the kind of person he was, of course his first question was to worry about you, about your day, which hadn’t even happened yet.

In the early morning sunlight, snuggled up in his blanket, brown hair tousled from sleep, Hyunjin looked absolutely perfect.

His hair fell into his face and eyes, and his bangs were cut completely wrong, but god, you wish you could have explained to him how much you absolutely cherished his new hair.

It brought a sense of familiarity, and of warmth, liquid fire running through your veins.

Like the first sip of coffee on a long day. 

Like the sunset on Jeju Island. 

Like a book character crafted just for you. Like an angel that fell to Earth.

You could stare at him forever.

He opened his eyes half-way through, confused why you weren’t answering, “Y/N?”

You had a choice.

You could go back to Aera’s and help Mina with the stock, yet be consumed by thoughts of Hyunjin all day.

Or —

“No, work was…great” You smiled, giving in.

Giving in to the only thing you could ever want.

Him.

“I’m so glad” Dimples appeared in his cheeks, as he smiled, “I hope Mina didn’t overwork you”

You walked over to him, voice soft to not disrupt his sleepy subconscious, “She didn’t”

“Are you tired?”

“Yeah”

His lips curled into a frown, rubbing his eyes again, “Oh. So…you have to go home?”

Another choice.

It was time to stop resisting.

“No. I don’t have to go”

But it would always be him.

“Is it all right if I stay here with you, Hyun?” 

The smile grew on his face, reaching all the way to his puffy eyes, and he instantly shifted, to make way for you, “Of course”

You don’t know what you were thinking, or if you even were thinking. You slipped off your sneakers, pushing them under the bed, next to the discarded items Hyunjin had long forgotten about. 

Your hesitation disappeared, and it ceased to exist, so you climbed into Hyunjin’s bed.

The bed was small, not nearly big enough for the two of you, but it didn’t matter because you squeezed yourself next to him. Hyunjin pressed himself up against the wall, making way for your body, and to share his pillow with you.

There were no words spoken, like it was habit - routine that you just slipped in next to him, like you weren't friends who could never be lovers, like this was what your everyday looked like, like this was all normal.

It was your first time climbing into his bed, but it felt like the most natural thing to do, like it was your fate, no matter how mundane it was.

The only sound was the ruffling of sheets, as he pulled the blanket over your body to cover you up. 

The bed was so little - all of your limbs touched his, and your noses were inches apart, sharing the same breath on his baby blue pillow.

“Are you comfortable?” He voiced.

“Mmh” You reached over, hand tracing his cheek, “You?”

“I’m perfect” He smiled, a yawn overtaking him soon after, “Although I’m still soo tired…it’s like I barely got any sleep”

You laughed, knowing he voiced the truth, “Go back to sleep, Hyun”

He nodded, “And…what about you?”

You slid your hand under the pillow, staring at him, “I will too"

Hyunjin’s hand moved under the blanket, reaching over to your waist. He pulled you closer, his chest pressing against yours, and your fond heart melted.

“You deserve to rest. You work too hard” He mumbled.

The guilt of skipping work crept over you, but…you needed to be selfish today, and you’d never felt this kind of calm before.

It was just one day you missed.

He was forever.

The way his legs fit between yours, and his hand on your body, was forever.

He tilt his head, voice coming out whiny in his reverie, “What are you thinking?”

“Just…about you”

“What about me?” He whispered.

You pushed back the uneven hair from his eyes, and his forehead, words slow because sleep was crawling over the two of you like a wave in the ocean, “I wish I could make everything easier for you”

A dimple appeared in his cheek, “You already do”

You smiled at his words, eyes drifting shut, but you had to ask,“Your head…does it still hurt?”

Hyunjin didn’t answer, and you thought he must already fallen asleep, but when you opened your eyes, he was looking right at you.

Eyes half-lidded, he was staring at you, “You’re so beautiful…”

Heart squeezed in your chest, an unsafe amount of emotions overwhelming you, and you mumbled, “Hyun…”

There was so much to say, but you couldn’t even comprehend your feelings in the moment. His body was so warm, safe, familiar, and it belonged there, and nothing could convince you otherwise. His eyes were so puffy and they kept drifting shut, and then just like that…he was asleep.

You stared at him as he fell asleep, at a loss for words. You thought you were getting used to the way you felt around Hyunjin, but truthfully you could perhaps never get used to it.

You’d never felt this way before.

You’d do anything for him.

You would do whatever he wanted in the world, and go wherever he wanted you to, and the thought was so scary that you almost cried.

It was good that he fell asleep, because the next words at the tip of your tongue were far too dangerous to be said at a time like this.

You would have told him you loved him. 

You were sure of it.

You loved him more than it was possible for humans to love each other, more than it was possible for you to love a boy you met just this summer, more than you should love someone you could never be with.

Just one second longer, and you would have blurted it out, because it was too strong an emotion to hold back anymore.

It’s a good thing he fell asleep when he did, and it was a good thing you didn’t say it.

If you told him how you truly felt about him, he would leave you.

You were sure of that, too.

»»————-

You woke slowly, and then all at once, eyes blinking awake, a steady heartbeat pulsing under your ear.

It took you a few seconds, to gather your bearings and to pull yourself out of this slumber, trying to make sense of where you were.

You’d been dreaming of stars…and you opened your eyes to the sun.

The blinds were pulled shut, subdued sunlight hitting the room.

Your fingers were clutching onto fabric, a t-shirt, and you were on top of Hyunjin.

Somehow, you’d moved in your sleep, your head pressed into his chest, which would explain why the first thing you heard was the sound of his heart.

Hyunjin’s chest rose, and fell, soft, calm. 

His face was pressed into your hair, and you wonder how he could even breathe, pushed up so close to you. His fingers dug into your sweatshirt, arm still wrapped around your waist.

What time was it?

There was no clock in his room, and you shifted, to reach for your tote bag. It lay by the side of the bed, your phone half-way out. You stretched your arm, but it was still out of reach. 

You didn’t want to wake him up, so you settled for not knowing what time it was, and perhaps you could exist in this moment forever, and never have it be stolen from you.

“It’s…just past ten” He breathed, and you shifted, to look at him. Your arm drifted, grazing his stomach, and it wasn’t until your fingers touched his bellybutton piercing that you realised his shirt had ridden entirely up, revealing bare skin.

“You’re awake” You stated, pulling yourself out of sleep, but everything was still hazy and blurry.

His eyes drifted open completely, “Mmh. I am”

He’d been awake a while, it seemed.

The reality of the situation set in.

You flushed, pulling your hand off his abdomen, even though you’d been enjoying the taut muscles of his stomach.

“Sorry…” You mumbled, “How long have you been up?”

Despite being wide awake, Hyunjin didn’t stop holding you.

“An hour…”

“An hour?!” Your eyes widened, “Why didn’t you wake me?”

He smiled, “Because you needed the rest”

“But…” You felt conscious, “Fuck, sorry, I was basically pinning you down, and you must have wanted to get up, to feed Kkami”

“Don’t worry, I already fed him” He laughed, chest moving with every chuckle.

You frowned, “You…did? How?”

“How?” He repeated your question.

“How did you…feed him?”

He laughed again, confused, “I got up and put food in his bowl”

The realisation sank in.

Hyunjin got up, fed Kkami, and then he—

“You came back to bed after that?”

He smiled, “I wasn’t going to leave you alone, you looked so comfortable”

Your heart skipped a beat as you stared at him.

You had been asleep, and he did all that without waking you. 

He…climbed out of the blanket, the bed, and then back in, snuggling up to you, holding you even tighter than before, without ever managing to wake you up.

A bashful smile tugged at your lips at the mental image, “I see”

“Mmh” He tilt his head, “Did you sleep well?”

“I did”

“Even after you lied to me?”

Your eyebrows shot up, “What?”

“You told me that you had a good day at work”

“Oh…”

“You didn’t have to skip work for me, Y/N. I was only kidding before”

You sat up, trying to fix your hair which must have been a mess after that unplanned nap, “I wanted to stay”

Hyunjin got up too, crossing his legs over the duvet, “Mina won’t be mad at you, right?”

You shook your head, rubbing the tiredness out of your eyes, “I can just take the afternoon shift”

He ran a hand through his sleep hair, pushing it back. You got lost in the way he did, brown curls falling across his jaw.

“When did you even get the time to dye it?”

A hoarse laugh escaped him, voice still groggy from sleep, “Late last night or early this morning…however you see it, after I finished taking to Chan”

“That’s why you got no sleep”

“Yup”

“Can I ask why you did it, Hyun?”

“I guess I just…needed a change. With everything that’s been happening” He looked down at his dye-stained hands, “I wanted to feel more like myself”

“And this…” You ran your hands through his hair, “…makes you feel more like yourself?”

He chuckled, “It’s silly, isn’t it?”

“No, not really”

 He nodded, “I guess I needed to remind myself of why I’m doing all of this. The last time I had my hair like this…I was still just a kid, before I had this kind of life”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah” He laughed, breathy, “I remember, at that time… I dreamed of debuting and making it big, and I was so…focused. It was like I had tunnel vision. I never thought this far ahead or about the stuff that comes after you become famous. I guess I was naive. But now when I look at myself in the mirror, it’ll be like looking at the seventeen year old version of me, and maybe I can dream his dreams again”

You smiled, running your hand across his jaw, “You’ve come so far, Hyun. I’m…really really proud of you”

His eyes crinkled as he looked at you, “You are?”

“Of course” You shifted onto your knees, to caress his cheek better, “I think you’re one of the strongest people I know”

Hyunjin’s hands landed on your thigh, and he laughed bitterly, “Thank you…but if I was actually strong, I wouldn’t have had to come back to town, or go through all of this shit”

Your heart clenched, and you nodded, “Right…”

If he was strong, he wouldn’t be here.

Maybe you were happy that he wasn’t strong.

A wave of guilt washed over you, so you turned away. 

You’d overstayed your welcome, and…Mina would be waiting for you.

Hyunjin’s hand on your wrist stopped you, “Wait. That’s not what I mean, Y/N”

“You don’t have to explain, Hyun” You spoke, putting your feet on the ground, hoping the cold floor would wake you up, but the floor was warm, warm like the bed, like his embrace.

Hyunjin stopped you from getting up. 

His grip on your arm pulled you back, closer to where he sat on the bed.

He explained himself, “No, I mean…I don’t regret it, at all. I just wish it was under better circumstances, you know? Coming back home…”

You wish it was under a better situation too.

You turned to look at him, “Yeah…but what did you really get out of coming back? A…drama-filled summer, a splitting headache, and…a really messy haircut”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “You think it’s messy?”

The tension was forgotten in seconds, and you couldn’t help but laugh, “Your bangs are…like completely messed up. I take it that this was your first time trimming it yourself, without a team full of stylists to help you”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me before” He narrowed his eyes, “What do you mean they’re messed up?” 

“They’re really uneven. It’s cute…but maybe you shouldn’t go out with this hair” you said, watching how the strands fell to his eyebrows.

“So, let me get this right. While I was baring my soul to you about my dreams, you were thinking about my hair?”

A giggle escaped you, “Maybe you can fix it”

His eyes widened, “You…you know how?”

“No…but…I can try”

“Okay, follow me” He got out of bed, gesturing for you to follow him, and you didn’t think he meant right now. 

He stepped into his bathroom, clearing the counter, and you noticed how tight his sweatpants suddenly seemed, stretching at the crotch.

You kept your distance, watching as he placed a box of tissues, and toothbrush holder to the side, trying not to focus on that. It was distracting.

You knew how anatomy worked, and you knew he couldn’t control that he woke up with morning wood, but it still made your brain fuzzy, like a stupid girl in love.

“Okay” He looked up you, and your gaze flickered back up to his face because there was no way you’d be caught staring at his fucking crotch.

“I’ve never done this before, so if I mess up…you can’t be mad at me” You spoke, as he hopped onto the marble counter, legs dangling off. He looked cute, staring up at you.

You don’t even know how you got here, from bringing him coffee this morning to napping in his bed, and to now attempting to cut his hair.

He ran a hand through his hair, “You just need to trim the ends, make it even, right?”

“Yeah” You stepped up to him. 

His shoulders relaxed, as he leaned back on the counter, “You’ll be fine. It’s not that hard”

You reached up to brush back his hair, “I mean, I think you did a pretty good job already. How long do you want them?”

“Just so they don’t fall into my eyes…” He told you, craning to look at himself in the mirror behind.

“Do you have a towel?” You asked.

His eyebrow shot up, a teasing smirk on his face, “A professional, are we?”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s just so it’s easier to clean, Hyun”

He smiled, pointing back to his room, “There should be a new one in my closet, on the upper shelf”

His wardrobe was surprisingly organised as you sifted through it, trying to find the towel. 

Your gaze landed on a ribbed burgundy t-shirt; you’d never seen him in it before. A silver zipper ran till the chest. You couldn’t even imagine how good he’d look in this.

“Did you just get this?” You asked, walking back with it, along with a towel.

Hyunjin was reading the label on a candle he lit, and he looked up at you, “Yeah. I haven’t got a chance to wear it”

“Oh, okay”

His lips tugged up, “You want me to put it on for you?”

You flushed, putting it back, “No, I was just curious”

“I’ll wear it for you later” He laughed, knowing you far too well because you’d never have asked, but you needed to see him in it.

Placing the towel on his lap, over his taut sweatpants, you hoped it would also serve as stopping the very obvious distraction. He didn’t even seem embarrassed or affected by it though. 

He hummed, “Thank you”

You laughed, tossing the hair in your hands, “Thank me after I’m done, this may turn out to look like shit”

“It won’t” He assured you, and you grabbed your phone.

“What are you doing?” He asked, “Texting while I’m asking you to help me?”

“I’m not texting” You rolled your eyes, tilting the screen to show him.

He read off your screen, “Step by step: How to a man’s hair”

“I don’t wanna mess up” You explained.

He giggled, loud laughter filling the bathroom, “Oh my god. You’re referring to a Wikihow article? I am truly doomed”

“They’re helpful sometimes, asshole” You pout, “We need to get your hair wet”

He nodded, leaning onto the mirror behind him, as you ran your hands under the sink to get them wet.

“It’ll be easier if I get in the shower” He suggested, and you glanced at him.

There was a smirk on his face at the recommendation.

“I…don’t think that’s necessary” You stated, flushing under his stare.

“It’s not like I’m going to get naked, Y/N” He laughed, “Don’t worry about it”

You shook your head, running your hands through his bangs to get them wet, droplets falling into his eyes. His eyes fluttered shut, and the drops of water trailed down his neck.

“Your shirt will get wet though” You added quietly, trying not to fixate on the trail of water that had made parts of his shirt see-through.

He blinked, wet hair falling into his face, “We should probably take it off then”

“Yeah” You swallowed, paused in your movements.

Hyunjin laughed, “Oh come on, it’s not like you’ve never seen me shirtless. You seem embarrassed—”

You immediately tugged at his shirt, pushing it up his chest, perhaps to prove that you weren’t affected by this. His eyes widened, and he clearly hadn’t expected you to take the initiative, but he smiled to himself, lifting his arms up, so you could pull it off completely. 

Once you got it over his head, and arms, he was flushing red.

“I don’t know Hyun” You hummed, “You’re the one who seems embarrassed now”

“Stop” He laughed. 

You tried not to get distracted, but in the soft light of the bathroom, his muscles seemed even more pronounced, the twinkle in his bellybutton catching your eye more often than you’d want.

You took in a deep breath, holding a hairbrush up, “Here goes nothing”

“If you ruin my hair, you should know some stylists in Seoul are gonna be very unhappy”

You laughed, untangling all the knots, “So…no pressure then, right?”

He shrugged, “Mmh, none at all”

“And they’re not going to be unhappy with your dye-stained hands?” 

He held his palms up, staring at them, as you pulled his hair taut, “It’ll wash off soon enough”

“Close your eyes” You spoke, “I don’t want to hurt you”

He nodded, and you carefully trimmed the front ends, choppy pieces of his bangs falling onto the towel in his lap. You had to make sure it was even, as you measured it roughly, and you’d never been a hairdresser but all those years engaging in crafts surely came handy now.

“You’re quiet” He spoke.

“I don’t want to mess up”

Hyunjin’s hand suddenly found it’s way to your waist, and you stilled, scissors in hand, “Unless you want me to accidentally stab you in the eye…don’t do that…not without warning”

He glanced up at you, despite the precarious position, gulping, “Sorry”

Just as he was about to move his hand back, you stopped him, “I…I didn’t say you have to stop touching me”

Realisation passed over his face, and he nodded, gripping you tighter.

Now that he held you, you felt more anchored, confidence flowing. You focused on what was left of the task, trimming the rest of his bangs as he watched you. 

Any other moment, you would feel conscious, because you were the only thing he was looking at, but today you didn’t.

“Are you almost done?” He asked, voice soft.

“Almost” You promised, putting the pink scissors away, to look at him.

The light-brown bangs fell just above his eyebrows, growing longer at the side, tucked behind his ears. The rest of the hair brushed his bare collarbones, almost a mullet in the back, shorter in the front.

There was barely anything to even fix, and maybe you just needed a dumb reason to be so close to him again. He knew that too, yet he indulged you.

You let yourself stare at him, seconds stretching into minutes.

It was perfect.

“Is it… all right?” He asked.

His eyes were blown wide, and curious, teeth biting into his plush lower lip, with apprehension.

“It’s beautiful, Hyun” You admitted.

His smile grew, “Really?”

You nodded, putting away the towel on his lap, “If you went to my school, everyone would have had a crazy crush on you”

His eyebrows shot up, “That’s…random”

You bit your lip, “I’ve been thinking about that a lot”

“About…school?”

“No” You shook your head, “About how things used to be. Everything seemed simpler back then”

He nodded silently, as if understanding exactly what you meant. After all, he’d just been talking about a similar thing -- about how things were easier before he debuted.

“Did you…have school too?” You asked him.

He laughed, “Of course I did”

“In Seoul?”

He nodded.

“Why didn’t you just go to the one here…in Daejon? Isn’t this your home?”

He smiled, “I had to go to the academy every day to train, before and after my lessons. It would have been impossible to travel so much if I was in Daejon”

“So you never visited home? What about your aunt? This is her place, right?”

He nodded, “It is, I’m taking care of it for her while she’s away”

“And your parents?”

“They moved with me to the city…” He explained.

“Do you miss them...now that you’re here?”

His gaze softened, “Yeah, I do, but…even when I was there, I couldn’t meet them often. I would try to talk to my mum every day at first, but over time that became…really tough”

“Why?”

“I was just…insanely busy. Not that it’s an excuse, but I just let myself get carried by the work, by the... responsibilities and what was expected of me”

Your hands gripped onto his bare shoulders, “When you go back, you’ll be busy again”

“Yeah”

“When do you even make time for yourself, between…all of that?”

He shrugged, “I...don’t. That’s why I cherish moments like this the most”

“I see” 

He tilt his head, “Do you think we’d be friends…if I went to your school in Daejon, instead of in the city?”

“Probably not”

Hyunjin frowned, “Wow. You didn’t even have to think about that”

You smiled, apologetic, “No, I just mean…I’d probably be too intimidated to approach you, and…you’d definitely be dating the most popular girl in high school”

He rolled his eyes, “Stop. That would never happen”

“Right. I forgot you don’t date”

His eyebrows knit together and he tilt his head, “You know that’s not what I meant”

You absentmindedly fiddled with the string on his sweats, twirling it within your fingers, “Hmm”

“What kind of girl were you, in high school anyway?” He asked, lazily leaning back against the mirror, allowing you a more prominent view of his collarbones, and his bare chest.

“What do you mean?” You laughed, “I was…the same”

His eyes were full of amusement as he watched you speak, and you couldn’t comprehend how…easy this felt. How domestic. 

Hyunjin sat across you, shirtless and just in sweatpants, as you talked about the most mundane things at eleven in the morning.

Is this what it’d be like? 

If he let himself love you?

“Minho told me differently”

Your eyebrows shot up, “What did he say?”

Hyunjin laughed, eyes crinkling into crescents, “He just said you were different, that you were…much louder”

You tilt your head, “As all teenagers are”

“He also told me you failed Art once”

You gasped, “He did?”

Hyunjin giggled, “Wanna tell me what that was all about?”

“The professor…felt differently than me. I actually had a full-blown argument with him in class” You recalled, “Man. I don’t think I’d do that today. I kind of regret it”

He smiled, “I’d love to see that. I’ve never seen you…angry. If it makes you feel any better, I’d definitely fail that art class too”

You laughed, “Why?”

He leaned forward suddenly, closing the little distance between you, “Why do you think?”

You lost your train of thought, getting swept up in his gaze, “I don’t know…”

“I would be too distracted… staring at you” 

Your heart sank, at what could have been, “Yeah…”

He laughed, breathy, “I’m sorry. I…shouldn’t say stuff like that, right?”

Your chest felt heavy, eyes landing to the floor, or anything else, “Yeah. You shouldn’t”

“But you have to know” He cupped your cheek, tilting your chin to look at him.

“Know…what?”

He swallowed, “That…I wish everyday for things to be different, and sometimes I wish I was just a boy you met in high school, instead of…who I am right now”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing” You frowned.

“It’s true. Things would be simpler if I was just…some Hyunjin, wouldn’t they? A nobody”

“No... Hyun, you can’t wish for that. You worked so much to be this. You are who you are, because that’s who you’re supposed to be”

“Supposed to?”

“Aren’t you the one who was reading all about stuff that fate earlier? Don’t you believe that you’re here right now in this part of your life, because you’re meant to be?”

He frowned, “Does that mean I’m…supposed to suffer too?”

“Suffer? That’s…a harsh word”

“You don’t agree?”

You nodded, “Things would be simpler, of course…but you told me that you don’t mind the bad stuff, because you love what you do”

“So you don’t wish for things to be different?”

You swallowed, admitting, “Obviously it would be easier if you were just Hyunjin, a boy from my art class, instead of…a world-famous member of a band"  

“You should stop thinking of me that way” He interrupted, pulling you closer between his legs.

“Even if I stop thinking of you like that, it doesn’t change the truth”

His eyes were soft as he spoke, “Maybe you can forget about it for a day”

“Forget who you are?” You laughed, “Before I knew that about you, it didn’t matter to me at all, but now...it affects every part of your life…it’s hard to just ignore what’s real”

What happened with Jisung just further solidified that for you. Hyunjin had run away from the fame, but it still found him, festering into his heart and mind. Miles away, he worried about it, defeating the sole purpose of him coming here.

His thumbs brushed under your shirt, “I know, but just for a day, don’t think about that”

“What should I think about then?”

“Think about how nice it’d be…if we were in another world, where I wasn’t me”

You frowned, “But who you are is... perfect. I don’t want that to change”

He closed his eyes, “I know you don’t…I’m sorry. I know it’s upsetting, but…I wish for a lot of stuff”

You leaned closer, brushing your thumb against his jaw, “What do you wish for?”

He leaned in, gaze piercing through your soul, “I wish for…a normal life. Wouldn’t I be happier then?”

Your heart stirred, “We all suffer, Hyun, even when we lead normal lives”

Hyunjin’s hand slipped around your neck, the space between your mouths almost negligible, “You want to know what true suffering really is, for me?”

“Yeah?”

“Being this close to you…and not getting to have you in the way I want”

Your voice trembled, “And…what way is that?”

“In every way that’s possible…I want you”

You moved in the same breath that he did, crushing his mouth to yours, before he could even finish speaking.

It didn’t matter who moved first. Your lips were on his, and he let out a satisfied groan, as you swallowed his words, his breath, his taste.

Your hands slipped into his freshly-cut hair, frantic as you kissed him, and he devoured you in open-mouthed kisses, and you could feel it all the way down to your toes, within the crevices of your heart, within the depths of your soul.

It was electrifying, the way he gave into you, like it was muscle memory at this point.

“Y/N-” A groan escaped his lips, between pecks. His hands slid around your waist. He pulled you flush to the counter until your hips met his, thighs closing around your body to trap you in his embrace.

A bottle of hand-soap knocked over onto the floor, as did the pair of scissors you’d held so delicately before, and earlier it was so tranquil but now it was so rushed.

He tilt his head, mouth crushed against yours, and it was already messy, saliva dripping down his chin, but you didn’t care.

Not after what he just said.

He tasted of lazy Saturday mornings, of books about fate, of home.

He tasted fucking perfect.

“Let me make you feel good” You whispered, “Please, please, please”

Despite the growing lust, he was still fucking polite, shaking his head, “No, let me-”

You pushed your tongue into his mouth to interrupt him, words slipping out in a rush, “You don’t have to suffer, not when it comes to me”

“I know” He whined fervently, in a heated daze. You were both burning up, and it was so hot inside this room, but he was the hottest boy that had ever existed. You wanted to do so much, but your time together wasn’t infinite, and the things you wanted to do to him were.

“Please let me do this” You mumbled, pecking his lips over and over.

“What are you going to do?” He whispered.

You fingers rest in his hair, and you pulled at the strands to tilt his head back with enough harshness to make him whine, allowing you access to his neck. 

Within seconds, you pressed a trail of kisses down his throat and jaw, nipping at his ear. 

“Fuck-” He moaned, as you bit onto his neck. Your other hand travelled up his body, fingers brushing against his chest, and his hips bucked up into nothing.

You should be more careful. You wanted to be delicate, but you couldn’t stop, and he couldn’t either, as he slowly rocked his hips against yours, to relieve the friction.

Hyunjin was restless, squirming, as you did so, and he suddenly whined, “Baby, don’t mark me”

You pulled back to look at him, “Why?”

His eyes were half-lidded but clearly he was still thinking straight, panting, “Someone… could see”

The disappointment must have been evident in your face because he immediately kissed you, whispering, “You can do anything else to me, I’m sorry”

You indulged him in the kiss, feeling his tongue in your mouth, as he explored you, grip strong on your jaw. His other hand pushed your sweatshirt up, and his lips were so fucking swollen, dripping with spit - yours and his.

It was messy, his hair was wet, and his hands were stained with dye as they travelled up your body, tracing each curve, under your sweatshirt. They brushed the wire of your bra, and he immediately paused, puling back to ask for permission.

Hyunjin had touched you before, but he’d always been so fucking respectful, never going into unfamiliar territory. Despite the heat of the moment, his eyes were shy, as he silently asked you if he could go further.

“You can…keep going” You nodded, pressing your lips to his again. 

It was all the approval that he needed, before his large hands squeezed your tits and you moaned, “Hyun-”

“Last night-” He began speaking, voice hoarse, “I wanted to touch you so fucking bad”

“Me too” You breathed, “You made me crazy…with what you said. I’m sorry I couldn’t come over”

“I’m sorry too” He apologised so sweetly, but he groped you so filthily, fingers pulling back the lace of your bra, ”I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel good, when that’s all I ever fucking want to do”

He made you clench, “Fuck, Hyun I promise when I came over this morning, I…I wasn’t expecting this”

He shook his head, kissing the corner of your mouth, “I know, I know, you were just being so fucking sweet, you’re always so sweet”

“I was— I was just so worried about you” You admitted, but every word was difficult when you couldn’t breathe. Every word was difficult when his tongue slipped into your mouth, and you gave up on speaking, to just taste and devour him.

“I know. You care about me far too much” He mumbled, pulling back to gaze at you.

“Does it still hurt you?” 

“If I say yes--”

“I’ll make it go away” You promised.

“How?” He breathed, chest heaving, wondering what you could possibly do to take away the pain.

Your hand landed on his lap, and he was clearly so turned on, and you gently squeezed him through his sweatpants.

A loud moan escaped him, back arching at the sudden sensation, “Oh my god…”

“Is it okay if I go on?” You asked, against his lips.

“Please, I might die if you stop”

You smiled at his words,“You’re hard”

“I know” He chuckled, eyes half-lidded.

“Is that because I kissed you?” You teased, pecking kisses down his jaw, as you palmed his cock through his sweats, “Or is it because I’m touching you?”

“It’s because you’re you” He groaned, head thrown back against the mirror.

Suddenly, a buzzing caught your attention, and your phone vibrated against the bathroom counter. Still, you didn’t stop touching him.

“Baby…” He moaned, his voice was hoarse, trying to find his way to a sentence, “Your…your work”

“Don’t think about that right now” You told him, kissing under his ear, sucking over the sensitive spot, “Just let me take care of you”

Your hands hovered over the string of his sweats, “Can I?”

He nodded, frantically, “I told you. Do whatever you want...to me. You don’t even have to ask”

“Okay” You undid the knot, loosening the waistband of his sweatpants, and Hyunjin held his breath, abs clenching tightly, as you slipped your hand inside, feeling him bare.

He let out a whimper, “Oh god”

Your fingers wrapped around his entire length, and you’d touched him before, the first time that you kissed him, but things were different now.

“Fuck” He grit his teeth, “If I don’t last long-”

“Don’t worry about that” You told him. It was stupid and silly how your brain short-circuited; all you could think of was how hard and big he was. 

“Wait-” He interrupted, and you looked up at him, wondering if he changed his mind. Instead of asking you to stop, he grabbed your hand. 

You watched, curious, as he lift it to his own mouth, his lips wrapping against your fingers, wetting them.

It dawned on you what he was doing, and maybe you were so far gone that you’d forgotten how to even do this, and you felt embarrassed, but Hyunjin didn’t let you feel embarrassed for too long. The sight of him with your fingers in his mouth was so absolutely insane that you had to remind yourself to stay still, and not pounce on him in that very moment.

He pulled them out, with a pop, spit trailing down his swollen lips, “It’s easier… this way”

You immediately slipped your hand back into his sweatpants, tugging at his cock. It was easier now with spit on your hands, and it was better as you gripped him tightly. He was so warm, leaking already, and you wanted to just feel him inside you.

It was only the morning, and maybe that’s why he was flushing red, squirming as you touched him in broad daylight, and he pressed his mouth to yours, too shy to look into your eyes.

Too shy, but far too turned on, as his cock twitched with every tug of your hand, hips bucking to feel more of you.

Your grip was steady, thumb brushing against his tip and you learnt that he loved that, because his whines got louder when you did, curse words escaping his lips. 

“Oh my god” He groaned, and his mouth fell open, eyes squeezing shut.

“Do you like that, Hyun?” You asked him, “You like being touched?”

“Fuck. You’re going to make me come so fucking fast” He mumbled, embarrassed, hands gripping the marble counter.

Your pace increased, squeezing him every other second, and it had been so long since you’d given a handjob that you would get tired but of course he was helping you out, rocking his hips into your hand to match your pace.

He was unable to keep still, knuckles turning white, sweat dripping down his chest, drenching his abs.

He was so sensitive, and it was tough because your hand was restrained by the elastic of his sweat, but he kept squirming, so you gripped his thigh with your other hand, “Stay still, Hyunnie”

“I can’t” He whimpered, a tear slipping out, “It feels so good”

You kissed the edge of his mouth, as his moans got louder and your pace increased, hand gliding up and down with ease. It would be easier if his sweatpants were off, but you’d lose it if you saw him like that.

A loud ringer threatened to pull your attention away.

“Someone…someone is calling you again” He breathed.

“They can wait” You cut him off with another kiss, and his hips bucked up into your hands, legs wrapping tight around you.

“Y/N-” He moaned, the veins in his neck strained as he held back. 

Your phone was ringing, but you didn’t care about it right now. You’d been interrupted countless times in the past, and today you would make him feel good, no matter what.

“Faster?” You asked.

“Yes, please” He pleaded.

You picked up the pace, squeezing his cock tightly and he bit down on his lip, harshly.

“I just wanna be buried inside you” He blurted, cheeks red, chest heaving, “I can’t imagine how good you’d feel”

“I’d let you do anything to me too, you know?”

“Really?”

“You can fuck me, anywhere… anytime that you want”

He swallowed, “Shit- I want that now”

You leaned closer, pressing your chest to his, “You want to fuck me?”

He bit his lip, “Y-Yes, but-”

He was so whiney, and it was so easy to tease him, “But you’re not supposed to. We’re not supposed to do this, right?”

“I don’t give a fuck about that. I need to be inside you. I dreamt about you, every night” He blurted, and you learnt that perhaps forbidden love was his turn-on.

“What do you dream about?”

“I dream about — Fuck. I dream about you, on top of me, and about - it’s so inappropriate”

“Tell me, please Hyun”

He nodded, wanting nothing more than to please, “I dream of tasting you, and I can’t imagine how sweet you’d taste, and I think about waking you up in the morning, and — ” 

He seemed like he was losing it, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead, specks decorating his collarbones, and you were losing it too, at his words.

“Do you touch yourself to it? To those dreams?” You asked him, squeezing him again.

Tears brimmed at his eyes from the pleasure, and he shook his head, “I want to, but is that...is that okay with you?”

You smiled, kissing him, “Are you asking me if it’s okay?”

“Yeah” He breathed.

You pecked his cheek, and his ear, while stroking his cock, “You can think about me all you want when you touch yourself”

“Fuck” He groaned, “I’m so close. Please don’t stop, please”

“What do you need?” You whispered.

“Let me touch you” He begged, and you nodded, so his hands found their way to your body. 

He pulled you close, pushed your sweatshirt up, just enough to catch the lavender lace of your bra, in the early afternoon sun, “You’re so fucking hot”

You ran your fingers through the freshly-dyed hair, and when he felt your nails against his scalp, he moaned loudly, and you learnt that he loved having his hair pulled. 

You pulled at his hair, and his hips bucked, thrusting up into the air, head falling back, and with another tug inside his sweats, a loud moan escaped him.  

“Fuck—” He groaned, pink lips parting, eyes squeezed shut, cock twitching as he came in your hand, soaking you.

Small whines left his lips, and he rest his head against the mirror, and you continued touching him, and his legs trembled from the pleasure and the pain, until he was done.

It was only a regular Saturday morning but it was the most beautiful moment in your life.

You learnt that you could never feel as satisfied, as you did right now, revelling in his orgasm.

You stopped, in awe of him, until his breathing returned to normal. His hair was sticking to his face, and you pushed it back, and his chest was moving rapidly.

Hyunjin’s lips were bitten red and swollen, a sheen of sweet dripping down his abs, as he tried to catch his breath.

“Fuck” He muttered, opening his eyes to look at you, after he’d finally calmed down.

Slowly, you slipped your hands out of his sweats, and he noticed the mess he’d made, “Fuck, I’m so sorry. That’s-”

“Don’t say sorry” You told him, kissing his cheek.

“But I…let me clean it up” He felt embarrassed, post-coital haze taking over, and he reached for a tissue, wiping your hands with it.

You smiled at his tenderness.

He was red all over, as he wiped his release from your hands, “I’m sorry”

“Hyun” You interrupted him, “Relax”

His shoulders slacked, and he nodded, “Okay”

Like clockwork, your phone rang again.

Hyunjin’s gaze drifted to it, reading the caller ID, “Are they gonna be mad at you?”

“I don’t care” 

His eyes searched yours, and he nodded, and his cheeks were so red, and he was so endearing.

“How do you feel now?”

He let out a chuckle, pulling you closer, “What do you think?”

“I don’t know” You teased, nails grazing his abs. You were turned on beyond belief, the sight of Hyunjin like this enough to make you go insane, but it wasn’t about you right now, it was about him. 

When you got home, you’d think of him and this moment, and make yourself feel good.

You’d think of the moans, and the feeling of his cock in your hand, and you’d imagine it was him touching you.

“I promise this wasn’t my intention…when I asked you-”

“I know. You just wanted help with your hair” You interrupted him.

He laughed, “Yeah…and you helped me”

You tucked his hair behind his ear, still not used to his new look, “You look perfect, Hyun”

“I’m embarrassed” He admitted after a while, “I’m sorry if I was pushy or-”

“You weren’t” You assured him, only half-joking, “Now I know what I’m gonna be thinking about at work”

His eyes shot to yours, widening, “Y/N…”

You laughed, wrapping your arms around his waist, “I’m kidding”

“What about you?”

You laughed, “What about me?”

He smiled, coy, “Isn’t it my turn now?”

“Your turn to what?”

He leaned forward, voice dropping, “You’re…you’re not wet?”

You swallowed, because of fucking course you were, and then your phone rang again, for the fifth time in a row.

“I…I should get that” You stuttered, stepping away from him.

You don’t know why, but…you weren’t ready.

You weren’t ready for him to see you like that, even though every part of you wanted him. Maybe because you knew it couldn’t last. You feared that if Hyunjin touched you even just once, you’d never feel the same again.

So, you answered the sixth missed call, “Hello?”

Hyunjin watched you from where he sat.

Mina’s voice came in, “Oh my god, I thought you died or something”

“Yeah, sorry. I…wasn’t feeling well. I’ll be there soon” You replied, staring at the cabinet and how he’d arranged everything beautifully — a black cherry candle on the top shelf, a cerulean blue hand towel, and a tiny glass jar of hair-clips.

Your gaze darted to Hyunjin’s, and he was putting on his shirt now.

“Okay, I’ll see you there” Mina spoke, hanging up.

“You have to go?” He asked.

You turned to him, “Yeah, in a bit”

He stepped closer to you, “Are you all right?”

You nodded, “Mmh. Why wouldn’t I be?”

He smiled, pressing you into the counter, “Because you didn’t answer my question”

Your eyes widened, “Hyun-”

“I hope you don’t think of me as one of those guys”

“What guys?” You laughed.

“The guy… who’d let you just go to work without taking care of you too”

You gulped, “You don’t have to take care of me”

His expression fell, “You don’t want me to…?”

“No, it’s not that”

“Then tell me what it is” He asked, leaning in.

“Hyun…maybe later” You told him, “Mrs. Aera…will really hate me if I don’t show up”

He sighed, “Yeah. No one could ever hate you, though”

“Let’s not wait and find out” You laughed, grabbing your phone. As you headed for the door, Hyunjin watched you from the bathroom counter, but suddenly spoke, “Y/N”

“Yeah?” You turned.

He leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. Your heart jumped at the suddenness, and the kiss was so soft, so slow.

“Thank you” He said, pulling away, just slightly, “For…cutting my hair”

“Of course” You smiled. His fingers brushed against the skin of your stomach, and he pulled you close again, finding your mouth with his for the second time in the same breath.

Immediately, you kissed him back, and his tongue slipped into your mouth, deepening the kiss.

“Thank you…for…” He mumbled again, between kisses. 

This time…you knew he wasn’t referring to the haircut.

Your mouth hovered close, nose touching his, “Don’t thank me, Hyun. I’ve only been dreaming about it forever”

“So...you dream about me too?” He asked, looking right into your eyes.

You laughed, hands coming up to his chest to push him away, “Shut up”

“Wait” He leaned in to kiss you again. You let yourself melt into his embrace, and you wanted to ask what the hell happened to his no-dating rule, and all of his damned rules about love, but you didn’t.

A chuckle escaped you, “You have to stop thanking me…”

“No, you just…you make me feel so good” He whispered, “I don’t deserve it”

Your eyebrows shot up.

Where did that come from?

“Hyun, I’ll be late” You told him, and you were crazy for willingly pulling away from him, but you wanted to respect Mrs. Aera and her time. 

There was no hurry. Hyunjin wasn’t going anywhere right now, and you’d have all the time in the world to kiss him when you got back from work.

There was still time.

“We’re meeting at the Creek later tonight, right? Yeonjun might come too”

“Tonight? I almost forgot about your futile mission to make me love Daejon again”

He pouted, and you wonder how he could look so adorable after doing something so filthy, “Don’t call it futile”

“We’ll see who’s right” You hummed, adjusting your sweatshirt.

“Have a good day at work”

You felt like teasing him again, just a bit, “Maybe you should change your sweats after I leave”

He flushed red, “Stop. You’re the one that couldn’t resist me, and all just because I changed my hair”

You narrowed your eyes, “Unfair. You win”

He smiled, cheek dimpling, “I know”

»»————-

Work felt a lot like hell that afternoon. 

As you sorted through the new paint, all you thought of was him.

His moans haunted you, his nose scrunching in pleasure, spit trailing down his swollen lips.

What came over you to do such a thing?

How did he let you?

The answer, of course, was simple enough.

Fucking lust. Or love. For you, it was both.

It seemed like he’d realized that you couldn’t stay away from each other, and you were thankful that you didn’t have to pretend to resist each other anymore. 

“Acrylics?”

“Huh?” You looked up from where you were bent on the floor, hands buried in bubble wrap.

“Could you pass me the acrylics?” Mina repeated, standing tall on a ladder, trying to stock the upper shelves. 

“Right. Sure” You reached into the cardboard box behind you. A new edition of paint bottles lay there, named summer pastels, and you handed it over to Mina.

Just a few hours more that you had to make it through.

You were meeting him and Jun by the Creek later for a night swim, and the thought of seeing him so soon again excited you. There was so much to do with him and you were looking forward to the rest of the summer.

He definitely seemed eager to explore the rest of Daejon, and you had to take him to the night market, the summer solstice festival in the park, to a paintball fest, the list was endless.

You wanted to teach him your favourite techniques about art. He’d asked for your help after all. You’d help him excel in watercolour, and gouache, and maybe he’d love impressionism. It was surreal, and dreamy just like him and you could imagine the landscapes you could paint together.

How amazing would that be?

If you and him worked on a painting together.

Your styles were so different, but they’d meld together so well, and you’d let him take the lead. You could imagine how proud he’d feel.

You hope you wouldn’t get too distracted and caught up in each other, and would actually finish the painting, and god, it would be so hot if there was paint all over him-

“You’re distracted” Mina pointed out, stretching to reach the upper shelf as she stocked new sharpies.

“I’m just tired” 

She smiled, “Thinking about a boy?”

“What else did you want me to hand you?”

“You’re cute when you’re flustered, Y/N”

“I’m not flustered. I told you…I’m tired”

Your phone buzzed, and you immediately reached for it, before realising that you were technically at work, and you shouldn’t be so eager. 

Still, Mina caught onto that.

“Oh my god” She laughed, “Who is he?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” You put your phone face down, so you wouldn’t be tempted to check. 

“Yeah you do” She smiled, “Don’t be embarrassed of it”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed of, because nothing is going on” You felt like a broken record repeating that, but it was the truth.

Your phone buzzed again, and you peeked at the messages. 

They were from Seungmin.

seungmin:

hey yn

i think you may be at work but I can't get in touch with hyunjin

whenever you do, can you ask him if the refund for the last payment came in?

you:

refund for what?

seungmin:

the art classes

at the château 

he was registered for the whole summer before, but since he’s not attending them anymore, we’re refunding him

you:

what?

he cancelled the classes?

“Y/N. I arranged the colors the way you like. Is it okay?” Mina interrupted, and you looked up at her, confused by what you’d just learnt.

“Yeah. It’s okay” You mumbled, reaching for your phone again.

“Can you please text whoever he is after work? I need some help with the canvas” She asked.

You nodded, “Of course. Sorry”

Hyunjin probably had a really good reason for cancelling the classes, maybe it was getting too expensive for him, and you’d ask him about it later.

“Which one even is he?” She asked.

“What?”

“Which boy?” She grinned at you.

“It’s just Seungmin” You told her, “And you’re one to talk”

“What?” She asked.

“Earlier when I came by…I saw the daffodils. Who’s the secret admirer, Mina?” You laughed, turning the tables on her.

She laughed, stepping down from the ladder, “Those were for you, dumbass”

“What?” You glanced up at her, heart jumping.

“They’re in the back room. Since you didn’t come for the morning shift, I put them in some water so they wouldn’t die”

Your eyes widened, “Can I go see?”

“Of course, but come right back please. I need some help with the easels”

Hyunjin sent you flowers?

Why didn’t he tell you? He must have wanted it to be a surprise, and you immediately stood up, dusting the dirt off your jeans as you made your way to the back room. 

The daffodils were peeking out from a cut-up plastic water bottle, a stark contrast to the natural beauty of the flowers. Your heart melted. Mina had done her best, going so far as to putting them on the one shelf of the storage room that got sunlight.

As you stepped closer, the scent overwhelmed you. It had been so long since you’d gone to pick any flowers. 

The petals were delicate to your touch, and you turned the bouquet around. There was no note attached from him.

The flowers were enough though, and you smiled to yourself, making a mental note to take them home with you, and put them on the windowsill by your bed. 

You would thank him later. 

You wanted to cheer him up anyway, and since you were going to the Creek tonight, you knew the perfect fucking way to do that. You just couldn’t wait for him to see it.

“They’re gorgeous, aren’t they?” Mina asked.

You turned to see her standing by the door, “Yeah. They’re so beautiful”

“Someone is waiting out there for you” She nodded back toward the shop.

“Oh, I’ll be right there” You grabbed the fragile water bottle, carrying it back out with you.

You stopped in your tracks as you entered the shop again.

Curly hair falling to her shoulders, the color of rose-gold, heart-shaped glasses balanced atop her nose, she was flipping through a Daejon brochure.

“Yuqi?” You exclaimed.

She looked up, immediately pushing the glasses up her head, and her lips tugged into a gorgeous smile.

“Seems like you’ve been up to a lot while I’ve been away” She grinned, pointing to the tourist brochure in her hands.

“I’ve been up to nothing” You laughed, stepping up to pull her into a hug, holding the flowers in your other hand. 

“Fuck, it’s been so long” She hummed.

“When did you get back?” You asked, placing the temporary vase on the cash counter. You leaned against it, turning to face her.

She looked like a dream in denim dungarees and a tube top.

“I drove in early this morning. I was running a few errands for Yeonjun since then”

You crossed your arms, “Oh, he’s already making you work for him?”

She rolled her eyes, “Unfortunately, as his twin sister, I have no choice but to do it”

“What errands does he even have?” 

“Ice-cream to aid his broken heart”

“Oh” You pouted, “He told you about that, huh?”

“Texted me crying last night” She shrugged, “That’s kind of why I drove in last minute. I wasn’t supposed to come home until the fall”

You smiled, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m sure he will be too”

“I’m like the worst therapist” She laughed, “But…I have dealt with assholes and heartbreak before, so I may just be the perfect person”

Your eyes fell to the brochure in her hands, “What are you even reading that for?”

“There’s a beautiful picture of you in it" She said, waving the paper around.

“What?” You grabbed it from her, flipping through the pages.

It was the new tourist brochure for Daejon, and just like she said, there was a picture of you.

It was from the Paint and Wine event at the Château. 

You were painting, smiling at someone off-camera, and you knew that it was obviously Hyunjin, but he hadn’t been a part of this frame.

Maybe that was better since you didn’t need any rumours around town. Still, it remind you of that night and how beautiful it was, well… until the part where Hyunjin told you he could never be in a relationship, or let himself love someone.

You folded and kept it away, looking back at Yeonjun’s sister.

“You said you drove here? From Busan?”

She nodded.

“You brought the red pickup?”

She laughed, not one for nostalgia or outspoken love, “Sometimes I think you love me just for my car”

Just outside the store window, was parked her gorgeous red pickup truck. You had countless memories associated with it — nights Yuqi would sneak you and Felix out for drives, to the night markets and candy shops in Samhae, up the hill, to the river when Minho had his fishing phase in school.

Observing your wistful expression, Yuqi smiled, “Don’t tell me you’re reminiscing high school already, Y/N”

“I’m not!” You defended, “But it was kind of fun. It was simple”

“It isn’t now?”

You shrugged, “Things have changed a lot since you were last here”

She stepped up to you, “I already know about Hana and Jun’s fallout; what else happened?”

You didn’t even know where to start. Yuqi had always been like an older sister to you, even though technically her and Yeonjun were the same age, but you’d hardly kept in touch ever since she moved.

She’d been so busy in her life, and there was so much she didn't know about you.

You fiddled with your charm bracelet, wondering how to sum up the best summer of your life, “I uh, I met a boy”

Her eyebrows shot up, “What the actual fuck? Tell me everything”

“Sure, but I have to help out Mina too” You laughed, moving back to the supplies, “You’re coming tonight, right?”

“To the Creek? Yeah, Yeonjun told me he’s going” She questioned.

“You should come! You can meet him there”

Her eyes widened, “The boy you met, he’s coming tonight too?”

You smiled, “Yeah. It was actually his plan to go in the first plan”

“Fuck. Is he cute?”

“Mmh. He is” You laughed, pushing the cart of supplies towards Mina as she stocked them, rolling her eyes at your and Yuqi’s conversation.

“You ladies are not passing the Bechdel test” Mina laughed, from the top step of the ladder.

You glanced up at her, “You know what that is?”

“Of course. How dumb do you think I am” She laughed.

Yuqi leaned against the shelf, crossing her arms, “What is the Bechdel test?”

“Like...a way of figuring out if a film or book represents women without the stereotypes or sexism, and in order to pass the test, the book should have more than one conversation between women...which isn’t about men” You explained.

Yuqi laughed, “Well, fuck me. You’re still telling me all about the hot boy you met this summer. The Bechdel test can sue me”

»»————-

Hyunjin was waiting for you by the forest trail, later that night. Liquid dripped from his lips as he sucked on a cherry, and he had a bunch in his hand.

He looked adorable, hands tucked into denim jeans, his hair pushed under a baseball cap. 

“Where did you get those?” 

He glanced up, a small smile on his lips, “Hey” 

He pulled into a half-hug because of how messy his hands were.

“Hey” 

His lips were redder than ever, juice from the fruit dripping down his neck. It did something to you, and you looked away, not wanting to relive your thoughts that overtook you at work. 

He bit into another cherry, “I picked them out earlier by myself. At first, I wasn’t sure how to know which ones are fresh, because back in Seoul, I just buy them from the 7/11 under our dorm, but I don’t know, there’s something truly satisfying about picking your own fruit, you know?”

“Wow. How will you ever adapt to living in the city again?” You laughed.

His eyes crinkled, “Very sadly”

“I got your flowers, by the way” You smiled.

His eyebrows shot up, “What flowers?”

“The daffodils…that you got me?” You laughed, looking up at him.

Hyunjin seemed confused, which confused you further, “Um…”

“You…weren’t the ones who sent me those?”

He shook his head, an unreadable expression on his face, “No, that…wasn’t me”

“Oh okay. Never mind... How long have you been waiting here?” You asked, wanting to change the topic because that was fucking awkward, tugging your tote bag higher up your shoulder.

“You’re not late. I just got here early” He explained.

“To pick cherries?”

“Nope, I just needed to get out of the house”

“Oh. How do you feel now?”

He sighed, biting into another cherry, “It could be much worse”

“Oh…”

“But, hey, at least my head doesn’t pound anymore” He joked, as you arrived at the Creek.

The moon was supposed to be bright tonight, according to the forecast you looked up, but clearly nothing was going to plan, and everything that had happened since this morning had been all kinds of unexpected. 

The water was enveloped in darkness, and it felt like you were looking out into nothing.

Yongbok had always fed you tales of the many elves, faeries, and sirens that lived in the deepest abysses of your town. Stories of otherworldly creatures that inhabited the depths of the Creek, which would only reveal themselves in the deep of the night, concealed in the shadows. 

Obviously you’d never seen one, but you weren’t stubborn enough to tick their existence off the list.

He had told you those stories many times before, and you didn’t believe them, not really. 

Still, staring out into the dark right now, you did feel a little on edge.

The water was mostly still, as all of the little streams led to this spot, pooling in this gorgeous area. You thought it was beautiful how every river across your town ended up in one place, bringing together each corner and story of Daejon - forming a whirlpool of the lived memories.

To be honest, if there were any chance of otherworldly creatures existing in the entire universe…they probably would be residing in the cool cerulean blue water of the Creek.

“What are you thinking?” His tender voice, calmer than the waters, pulled you out of your fantastical thoughts.

Looking up, you saw him stood by the edge of the cliff, on the same rock he had jumped off months before, but you didn’t know him back then. He was but a stranger to you at that time.

You did know him now, at least you think you did -- over the weeks of peeling every layer of what made up Hyunjin, you knew so much of what made him, him. 

“I was…just thinking about how Yeonjun is late” You told him, crossing your arms against the cold breeze.

Hyunjin’s lips curled up, “He’ll be here”

“I hope he didn’t ditch us” You stared back at the dark water.

Hyunjin laughed, “Of course not. I think he’s just running late”

“You seem fairly confident when you’ve known him for less than a week”

He chuckled, stepping closer to you, “We can get in the water. We don’t have to wait for him, you know?”

You swallowed, “Get in the water, like…just me and you alone...together...?”

“Yeah”

Hyunjin standing there right now, looking like this, did not help your emotions. 

Chocolate brown strands framed his face, grazing his cheeks, and the rest was pulled up into a bun, messy, uneven, so fucking attractive.

And even if all those tales Yongbok and the town-dwellers told you were false, Hyunjin was the closest thing to an ethereal, out-of-this-world, ripped straight out of a fantasy novel creature - that you'd ever see. 

If those stories had been written in today's age, they would probably all be about him.

The t-shirt you'd picked out this morning fit him far too well, the zipper stopping at his chest, burgundy sleeves hugging his arms and biceps just like you wish he would hug you.

You were surprised when you’d seen him in that, and you definitely hadn’t been subtle enough this morning. 

He tilt his head at you, “Is there a problem with that? If it's just you and me in the water, alone?”

Was there?

The hint of a smile made it's way onto your face, and you reached up to untie your halter top, and even the fiercest creatures in Daejon couldn’t intimidate you right now as much as he did, “No...there's no problem at all, Hyun"

His eyes fixated on you, as you slipped off the top, revealing the swimsuit you’d picked inside. Light-pink, it hugged your body far too tightly, but he didn’t seem to care. 

He stared at you, unabashedly, unashamed, as you kept the top to the side, with the rest of your stuff. His eyes flickered over your body, and then back to your face.

“Your turn” You told him, crossing your arms.

“Okay” He chuckled, reaching up behind his neck, to take off his shirt, and your pulse went frantic and you felt so silly.

Hell, you’d seen him shirtless only hours before, but it was never enough, and he looked so fucking pretty in the moonlight.

You reached for the button on your shorts, popping it open, and Hyunjin watched as you slipped them off your legs, stepping out of them. It was chilly tonight, and you bent down, to put all of your stuff inside your backpack, and you were so fucking excited to show Hyunjin what you’d been planning. He would love it so much—

“Jisung called me”

You looked up, “What?”

“Yeah” He released a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair, “Sorry. I’m ruining this moment”

“No...that’s okay. How is he doing?”

“As good as he can be right now, but...” He sat down on the rock, staring at the water, “I feel bad that I’m not with him”

“You’ll see him in a few weeks though, wouldn’t you?”

Hyunjin swallowed, “Yup”

You’d been expecting that Hyunjin would feel better after…what happened earlier this afternoon, but maybe it was naïve and stupid of you to assume that. You couldn’t change his life circumstances. You made him cum, you didn’t fix all the problems in his life. 

You felt defeated, because he certainly didn’t seem to be in the mood for this.

And why should he?

His best friend was going through shit, and he could do nothing about it. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” You asked.

Hyunjin glanced up at you, “Do what?”

“Swim. We don’t need to. I know you’re not in a mood to…we’re only doing this for me—”

“No, I wanna do this” He interrupted, “Did I…made you feel like I didn’t?”

“Maybe we can just wait for Yeonjun” You spoke, joining him on the rocks, “He must be close”

He nodded, crossing his legs on, “Yeah, he must be. So who do you think the flowers are from?”

You turned to him, pulling your knees to your chest, confused, “I don’t know. I…just assumed it was from you”

His face fell.

You smiled, to reassure him, “Don’t worry. They’re probably sent to the wrong person. Or maybe they’re consolation flowers for not getting the apprenticeship”

Hyunjin frowned at the mention of that, “Once I get back to Seoul, I’m definitely giving a piece of my mind to that shit company”

“What?” You laughed.

“They’re crazy to deny you” He expressed, turning to you, “Have you thought about…applying to another?”

You glanced at him, “Another program?”

“Yeah” He wrung his hands together.

You shrugged, staring at the dark water, “Not yet. I’m not proud enough of my work to send my portfolio again, and I’m…not really over the rejection”

“So, what, you’re gonna just give up?”

You shook your head, “No, of course not, Hyun. I’m just gonna take some time off”

“You can’t do that”

You frowned, the urgency in his tone unmistakable, “Why…? Isn’t it a good thing to take time to myself?”

“No, because-” He turned to you, grabbing your hand, “You’re so fucking good at what you do. Right now, there will be so many chances…and opportunities that you could get. Do you know how many companies I auditioned at before I got selected at Pegasus?”

Your face softened, unfamiliar with this urgency,  “No, I…didn’t know that, Hyun”

There was so much you still didn’t know about him.

Realisation sank into his face, “Yeah. Well, it was a lot. If I’d given up, do you think I’d still be here right now?”

So much you yearned to know.

Why did he choose to audition in the first place? What made him even go after this profession? 

And then more. Stuff about his life that didn't matter, or maybe it did.

Who was his first kiss? What was his favourite book? His worst heartbreak? The first girl he fucked? Your curiosity would rip at the seams and maybe it would never end, because the things you wanted to know about him were endless, and now that time was slipping away, it was the only opportunity to stop thinking and start asking him all of those things.

There was no point in dwelling on the what-ifs. 

Hyunjin was here now, and you would not hold back anymore.

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?” He glanced at you.

“Stay so fucking positive, despite everything. If I was in your place, I think the apprehension and fear would have killed me”

His lip tilted up, “It’s not always this way. This year is just not a good one for us. I guess because people are finally beginning to know who we are, it just invites so much more hate, and anger”

“I don’t understand people”

“I know” He sighed, “But for the amount of hate, the love we get...it cancels out all the bullshit”

Hyunjin spoke of love in so many ways, except one.

“Like…” You picked at the pebbles with your nails, lowering your voice, “Some people are so evil”

Hyunjin nodded, “Mmh, but let’s... forget about them tonight. For the time we have left, I don’t want you to spend it inside your head”

“The time we have left...” You repeated, and you would forget about those people tonight, because tonight was special, “I have a lot of things I wanna do with you”

“You do?” He looked at you, voice unsure.

“Yeah” You smiled, “You’re going to love it. There’s so much stuff that happens the end of summer, like the solstices festival, and I still have to teach you so many of my favourite techniques! So I...I was thinking that we could paint together—”

He swallowed, “Maybe we should just take it one day at a time, Y/N”

You stopped mid-sentence at his words, “Oh”

You were getting carried away.

Hyunjin sighed, realising what he’d said, “Because…I mean, you know…eventually, I’ll have to go-”

It just reminded you that this was so temporary.

Your thing with him was temporary — whatever that thing was.

Hyunjin would just walk out of your life, and his life would go on as it always did.

Was there a point to what all you had planned, if he was never going to see you again after that?

“Yeah I know” You interrupted, “Let’s get in the water”

“Y/N…” He spoke, reaching out to your cheek, “We came here for a reason, right? You love this place, and so you’d have a good-”

“I am having a good time” You stood up, standing by the edge, and you would.

Tonight was supposed to be special. 

He joined you, staring at the drop, arms crossed, “Are you gonna ask me to jump again?”

You laughed, “You’ve done it before”

He glanced at you, biting his lip, “Together?”

It wasn’t that scary, but this was only his second time here, and so you took his hand in yours, letting him grip you tightly.

And then you stepped forward into nothingness, stomach lurching at the sudden drop.

You’d jumped off this rock a hundred times before, but this time you still didn’t feel prepared. 

The cold water swallowed you both, and for a minute or what felt like hours, everything was blank.

It was black, and blue, and freezing, and you couldn’t see where he was, and your head pounded with the pressure, and for a second, you feared your worries would weigh you down until you couldn’t come up — 

But then Hyunjin pulled you up out of the water, holding you tight.

You gasped for breath, taking in fresh air, yet it still felt like all the oxygen had left your lungs, because he was touching you so close.

Hyunjin shook his head, to get the hair and water out of his eyes, “Fuck. The water’s fucking freezing”

“It is” You shivered, drifting closer into his arms, to share in his body heat.

The water finally settled around, ripples from your jump dissipating, and if there were any creatures in the water they surely would have woken up by now.

“This is what you missed about Daejon? Freezing your ass off? I can see why you hate this town”

You laughed, loudly, gripping his shoulders, “Shut up. It’s nice if you let it settle”

His teeth chattered, and he was so dramatic because it wasn’t that cold. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him to you, “It’s better than a cold shower”

“What do you even love about this?” He asked you, “It’s better in the morning. It’s warm and I don’t get hypothermia—”

You grabbed his chin, making him look up.

He did, mouth parting, in awe of the view.

The stars had never been as bright as they were tonight, and he sucked in a sharp breath, “How is it so clear? It’s…even better than the hills”

“There’s no lights here, so you can see them much clearer”

Hyunjin’s gaze stayed up to the sky, as he watched the stars twinkle.

“Shit, isn’t that gorgeous? I can see all the constellations from down here” He spoke, “Wait, I think I know that one. It’s Cassiopeia”

Your heart stung at the reminder, but you calmed yourself.

One day at a time.

Tonight would be great.

You tilt your body back, floating on the water, and Hyunjin held onto your waist, drifting with you in the cesspool of your lived memories.

Time felt like it stretched into hours, as you watched the stars move so slow, as the Earth spun, and Hyunjin’s fingers kept you rooted to reality, and your perception of everything was different here. 

You almost expected to look up, and be back in the past somehow, and the thought was terrifying because as much as you wanted things to be good again, it couldn’t happen at the cost of Hyunjin.

The stars blinked, disappearing every other second, reminding you of a memory you’d forgotten - you’d actually planned something for him, and you were going to miss it, because you were stupidly stuck in the past, when your present was already so perfect.

“Fuck” You straightened up, “We need to get out of the water”

There was something Hyunjin needed to see. 

And it had to be now.

“What?” 

“We might have already missed it” You immediately swam back to the bank, and Hyunjin followed, confused why you were getting out of the water so early.

“Missed what?” He laughed, as you lifted yourself out. The wind pricked your skin. You slipped on your flimsy top, and there wasn’t any time to wear your shorts and you can’t believe you fucking forgot about this.

How lost were you?

“Why are you getting dressed?”

“It’s…like your thing on the Château” You told him, grabbing his hand to drag him away from the water and into the woods, not wanting to spoil it anymore.

“What thing?” He stumbled after you, still dripping wet from your short-lived swim.

“The town lights on the hill. Remember you showed them to me?” You spoke, as you pulled him through the underbrush.

“I remember” He was confused, following as you ran through the clearing, into the denser part of the woods. The sound of crickets surrounded you, drowning your little gasps of breath as you ran through.

The leaves crunched under your hurried footsteps, pushing past the twigs in your way.

You hadn’t been there in a few years, but there was no better time to revisit.

He had to see, and he had to now.

He would love it, you know he would love it so much.

If anything in Daejon could make him feel grateful and happy, it was this place. 

“But where are we going?” Hyunjin almost whined, trying to keep up with you. He was much taller so it should have been easier for him, but he was still stumbling through, clearly not used to the wilderness and the city boy inside him was peeking out.

“We’re almost here!” You promised.

“Can’t you at least tell me—“

Your abrupt stop made him bump into you, and he put his hands on your shoulders to turn you around, “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did you step on-”

“I want you to close your eyes”

His eyebrows shot up, “What…?”

“Just…” You grabbed his hands, “Please listen to me and don’t ask any questions”

He laughed, amused but slowly closed his eyes, and you grabbed his warm hand in yours. You lead him deeper into the clearing, and he hesitated.

“Don’t make me fall into a ditch—”

“Just trust me, Hyun” You told him.

“I do trust you. I just don’t want to get hurt blindly walking through a forest” He asked, stepping over the leaves, and pebbles that he felt under his feet.

Your smile grew, as you finally made it to the clearing, a view prettier than anything in the entire universe.

You hadn’t come here in ages. 

You turned to face him, catching your breath, “Okay. We’re here”

“Where? Can I open my eyes now?”

You laughed, because Hyunjin was such a hopeless romantic, but he was so impatient too.

Amongst the Daejon woods, was a clearing, where the terrain was flat, and the woodland plants grew tall - a mix of orange and purple flowers, surrounded by thin weeds. 

But, the most beautiful part of this clearing, was what you’d brought him to witness. 

“You can open your eyes, Hyun”

Confusion painted his face, in the form of suspicious furrowed eyebrows, until he finally looked up, realising just why you brought him here.

His mouth fell open in awe, eyes widening, as he took in the scene.

“Oh my god”

Soft, twinkling lights illuminated the entire clearing.

A hundred of them, bright lights, flying above the canopy, like stars shining through the canopy.

Stars that flew around, bumping into each other, creating paths and patterns that could never be replicated even in constellations.

Fireflies.

Hyunjin’s eyes were lit up, mouth parted in amazement like never before, watching the little lightning bugs illuminate the dark woods.

“Oh my god” Hyunjin repeated, a chuckle of disbelief escaping him. He clutched his stomach tightly, as if he couldn’t believe he were here, turning a full circle to take in the view.

“There’s so many of them” He breathed.

A smile overtook your lips, voice soft, “Do you like it?”

He turned to you, pure adoration in his eyes, like a kid on Christmas morning, like a boy in love, but not with you, with what you’d done for him.

“How did you know they would be here?”

You shrugged, coyly, “A coincidence”

His gaze softened at your words, “You planned this”

“I did…I wanted to show them to you”

He looked up again, getting distracted in the way the fireflies flew above the canopy, “It’s so beautiful”

You swallowed, “I wanted to show them to you…before you have to leave. I thought it’d make you feel better, even if only temporarily. I know you’re having a hard time, and I just thought you should see this because—”

When you looked up at him, he was staring at you, not the fireflies anymore, an unreadable expression in his eyes.

His gaze pierced through you, and then flickered to your lips, “Thank you”

You swallowed, suddenly nervous as you looked up at him, “Earlier you said you wish you had a different life, and you’d be happier somehow and I want you to know that’s not true. You can be happy in this life, I know we still have a lot of time, but I don’t want to miss any moment—”

Hyunjin cut you off, pressing his lips to yours.

You let out a noise of surprise, as his arms gripped you, pulling your body closer to his. You stumbled into his embrace, immediately kissing him back. His chest was still glistening with water droplets, and his hair was dripping, sticking to your face, to your lips.

Cold, and wet fingers grabbed your cheek.

His mouth felt hot on yours, as he pressed his chest to yours, wasting no time in pushing his tongue into your mouth.

“Hyun-” You whined, pulling back an inch to breathe, but you didn’t want to breathe anything except his taste.

“I have to tell you something, Y/N” 

At first you thought you misheard him.

“W-what?” You paused.

He kissed you again, holding your face in his hands, “It's...very important”

His voice was suddenly heavy with emotion, and you realised that no you did not want to know.

You’d push your curiosity to the side, and fuck that, because you didn’t want to know anything that would break your heart, and what Hyunjin was going to say definitely would.

“I don’t wanna know. Not now. Just kiss me, please”

Hyunjin’s gaze softened, “Are you sure?”

“Please” You pressed your mouth to his, “I just want you right now”

“Y/N…” He breathed, against your lips.

It was hard to speak, and you didn’t even know what you were feeling at the moment, “I just want tonight to be perfect, and I want you so much”

“Okay” He breathed, pulling your face back to his, and you kissed him, trying to erase everything he was going to say, and this could have been a beautiful moment but perhaps you weren’t the only self-destructive one.

Perhaps it was far too perfect for Hyunjin to handle, and that’s why he was trying everything he could to destroy it, but you wouldn’t let him.

So, you kissed him, until you both sat on the grass, and your knees touched the forest floor. He was on his knees too, holding you to him, hands clutching your face to still have the semblance of control. 

You kissed him until the pebbles and rocks under you stopped hurting, leaving imprints on your skin forever just like he had.

You kissed him until he’d swallowed all your tears, and until denial tasted just like the cherries he had sucked on. 

You kissed him until he was hard, and he mumbled, “Baby...”

He pressed you to the floor, crawling on top of you.

He never broke the open-mouthed kiss, and everything was so wet, with your spit, with the water from the Creek that still hadn’t dried off, with your soaking underwear. 

His weight on top of you was new, and it was unfamiliar, and you don’t know when it would ever happen again, so you tried to memorise it. Your hands sifted through his freshly-cut hair, and it remind of you this morning, and of how beautiful he’d looked, and how different things were.

Hyunjin at seven am was so different from him now.

You wanted to learn him, and discover who he was at every hour of the day. 

Hyunjin’s hands grabbed yours, and in a single move, he pinned them over your head, taking control of you.

Your hands pressed into the grass, and the rocks, and you were at his complete mercy.

“I…couldn’t focus on work today because of you” You complained, when he pulled back to breathe.

“What were you thinking about?” He whispered, kissing the corner of your mouth, pushing his knee between your legs.

“Fuck” You mumbled, and his other hand dropped to your stomach, holding your body down, and it was so fucking sexy you couldn’t stop your whines, “About how pretty you look, about how big-”

He let out a groan, pushing his hardening cock against your swimsuit bottoms, “It’ll feel more perfect when I’m inside you”

Blood rushed to your head, and you tilt your head back, as he planted kisses all over your collarbone. His hand slid under your sweater, squeezing your tits in his hands as he grind against you.

You wanted to touch him, but he didn’t let you, keeping your hands at bay, and it was so fucking hot and you were so wet.

“This swimsuit…is so fucking adorable on you” He mumbled, fiddling with the strings of your bikini bottom, “Is it okay if I touch you?”

“Yes, yes, please”

Why was he even asking?

And then he pressed his fingers into your core, over the thin fabric, and you almost passed out at the touch.

“Fuck” You moaned, squirming, “Don’t tease me”

He nodded, swallowing your whimpers, “I won’t. I was just making sure you’re ready”

“I am” You all but begged.

“I know” He smiled against your lips, and true to his promise, pulled the waistband of your pastel-blue panties forward. 

You could still see the fireflies from here, the twinkling lights in the sky, and you wanted to remember how that looked, but Hyunjin was rolling his hips against yours, and you couldn’t focus on anything else.

You let out a loud moan, when his hand slipped inside your underwear, and he was so fucking sweet as he kissed your cheek, “Will you let me finger you now, baby?”

“M-”

“Y/N?” A familiar voice interrupted, echoing in the woods, and Hyunjin immediately stopped, pulling back to look at you.

“Did you hear that?” He asked you, eyes half-lidded.

You were so distracted by his dilated pupils that you didn’t register that someone was calling your name, and you would have chosen to ignore it, but Hyunjin was already standing up, pulling you to your feet.

“Y/N?” The voice sang again.

“Shit” You cursed, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Who is that?” Hyunjin asked, fixing the straps of your top, pushing them back onto your shoulders.

You ran your hands over your face, trying to gather your bearings, but your head was filled with a cloud of lust, “It’s…her”

His eyebrows shot up, as he tugged your sweater over your swimsuit, “Who?”

“Y/N?” The voice called out again, as footsteps ran out into where you were. 

She stopped, feet skidding against the dirt, as soon as she saw the two of you.

Hyunjin turned to her, eyes widening.

You flushed with embarrassment, because if you heard her…that means she definitely heard you moan.

She stood still, staring at the two of you, and it would almost be comical if you didn’t feel slightly ashamed. 

Her rose-gold hair was pulled up into two ponytails, a red swimsuit hugging her curves.

“You must be Hyunjin” She blurted, “I’ve heard so much about you”

“Oh” He trailed off, looking back at you, and you could see he was trying to restrain the hard-on in his swim-shorts.

You were still so lost, head fuzzy, because what was Hyunjin going to tell you before you interrupted him?

Yuqi looked apologetic, “Sorry I ran in here, I parked my car and then I saw your clothes out by the rocks, and I assumed the worst, like you never know what goes on in these woods, there could be some serial killer, and I literally fell asleep watching Friday the 13th last night, and if you’ve seen that, you’d know that—“

“I haven’t seen it” Hyunjin interrupted her.

“Oh. You should. It’s…nice”

“I don’t really like horror movies” 

“I’m Yeonjun’s sister” She added, an awkward smile.

“Ohh. You look like him”

“Yeah. Cause we’re related”

She looked around the glade, “Did she bring you out here to see the fireflies? I swear she and Felix are so obsessed with thi—”

“Where’s Yeonjun?” You interrupted.

“He’s already in the water” She jut her thumb back towards the water, “I’ll see you guys there!”

She ran back through the woods, and it’d be funny if you didn’t feel so frustrated. You and Hyunjin had horrible timing…or maybe it was fate’s way of saying you weren’t supposed to be doing this.

“She definitely knows what we were doing” Hyunjin spoke, softly, hand slipping inside his shorts to adjust, and you looked away.

“Yeah, but you can trust Yuqi. She…won’t tell anyone”

This was reckless. There were a lot of kids and groups from town that hiked in the woods, especially in the summer.

Hyunjin was already dealing with scandal upon scandal, he didn’t need you to make it worse.

His gaze fell to the floor, “I’m sorry for getting carried away. That was stupid”

You nodded, “Yeah. It was”

“We should be more careful” He mumbled, but you could see the frustration in his eyes as he began walking back.

You followed him, trying to calm your breathing, “It’s a good thing it was just her”

“I didn’t even know Yeonjun has a sister”

“Yeah, she lives in Busan” You told him.

“She has a car?”

“Yeah”

“I was going to rent one” He spoke, as you fell into step with him.

"You were?” You turned to him, “What do you need a car for?”

He shrugged, pushing through the rustling leaves, “I…got us tickets to something”

“Well, I’m sure Yuqi would let you have it for an evening. You don’t have to rent one”

“That sounds good” He nodded, shooting you a soft smile as you finally caught up to Yuqi and Yeonjun, who were already in the water. 

They were splashing each other already, asking you to jump in.

Hyunjin headed to them, but you reached out to him, “By the way, tickets for what?”

He laughed, looking sheepish, “Can that part still be a surprise?” 

»»————-

Fortunately for you, the curiosity about the surprise only lasted for a day.

“You’ve never seen Jaws?” 

“I’m not really a monster movie kind of guy” Hyunjin replied, arms crossed against his chest as Yuqi gaped at him, an almost comical expression on her face.

“Does that mean you’ve never seen Chucky either?”

“I happen to like dolls, and I don’t want to change that”

They’d only known each other a little more than a day, and were already comfortable enough with each other, thanks to the hours spent last night swimming and getting to know each other. 

“You’re fucking kidding me” She stated, then turned to you, “Where did you find this guy?”

“Leave him alone, Yuqi” Yeonjun replied before you could speak, and you laughed.

“No, because monster movies are easily the best genre!” She told Yeonjun, who’d already stopped listening, and was checking the tickets on his phone. 

The drive-in theater was busy tonight, as a crazy amount of families and couples had come out to watch the iconic screening of Jaws. 

Hyunijn had insisted that you come here tonight, another thing off your list that you’d mentioned to him, and the fact that Yuqi just happened to have a car — was a cherry on top of a perfect coincidence.

When they’d learnt of your plans, Hyunjin had been kind enough to let them come along with you, because he enjoyed their company as much as you did.

You don’t know why Hyunjin was rushing through the things, but you couldn’t complain. 

Every summer, cars would line up until Mrs. Erin’s noodle shop, and a huge projector and screen were set up, facing the woods.

They usually played the same movies on loop, so you’d already got tired of the the same blockbuster tropes. Being Yongbok’s friend, you had had no choice but to indulge in every single one of these films.

Still, tonight was different, because Hyunjin was here now.

Every time you came in the past, you would borrow Yuqi’s car since her pick-up truck had space in the back to squeeze all of your friends, with thick blankets and enough snacks to last double-features. Her truck was also ideal for star-gazing and movie nights like this. 

You stood leaning against it, in the minutes before the movie began. As of now, they were only showing previews and trailers, as everybody parked their cars.

“I’m not a fan of watching people get ripped apart” Hyunjin replied to her, his voice low.

“Can’t believe you’re a softie” She tilt her head, as if analysing him top-to-down. Hyunjin’s cheeks turned red at her scrutinising gaze and he turned to you, for help. 

He looked extra adorable today, in a white button-up shirt, and faded boyfriend-fit jeans.

You laughed, pushing the pebbles at your feet, “You’re on your own, Hyun”

He sighed, turning to Yuqi, “It’s not that I don’t enjoy the thrill, I just prefer to indulge in a different kind of …excitement”

“Yongbok must hate you” She laughed, “He’s obsessed with those movies. Have you two met yet?”

Your eyebrows shot up, and you saw Hyunjin stiffen. 

You spoke, before he could, “Um, yeah they have”

“How did he approve of you then?” She asked, eyes wide.

“Yongbok doesn’t have to approve of anybody” You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. You two just don’t seem like you’d get along” She told him. 

Hyunjin’s expression was calm, and reserved as she said that. You realised that while you’d heard plenty of opinions from Yongbok about him, you had no idea what Hyunjin felt about him.

Hyunjin smiled, “He’s a cool guy. I’m sure if we hung out more, we’d get along”

His eyes landed on yours, and you agreed, “Yeah. I’m sure you would”

“So then what do you like? Don’t tell me you’re into that cheesy Notebook shit” Yuqi narrowed her eyes at him. 

“I’m sorry I just happen to have a more refined taste than you, Yuqi” Hyunjin replied, catching you and her by surprise as she gasped. You laughed, proud of how he’d already learned to deal with her.

“Okay. I see you, Hwang Hyunjin” She hummed, smiling at him.

“These tickets should get us a popcorn and soda combo. Is there anything else you need, guys?” Yeonjun asked, squeezing his phone back into his jeans pocket.

“That sounds good” You answered, “I can go get the snacks”

“No, me and Hyunjin will go” Yeonjun smiled, looping an arm around him, “Won’t we?”

Hyunjin smiled, shy gaze falling to the floor, “Yeah, of course”

They walked to the pop-up booths, and you and Yuqi hung back, watching the crowd filter in.

“He’s sweet”

“He is, isn’t he?”

“Where did you find him?”

You laughed, “I didn’t. Hana found him. Kind of”

“Where is she, by the way?” Yuqi asked, glancing up at you.

“I haven’t seen her since the party” You shrugged.

“Ah. The party Yeonjun went to?”

“The very same” You sighed, wanting to forget the nightmare Lakehouse party, “You and Hyunjin were talking a lot last night in the water. What about?” 

She waved a hand dismissively, “Oh. He was just asking me about Felix”

You turned to her, “Felix? What did Hyunjin want to know about him?”

“Just a lot of random things, it wasn’t an important conversation"

What random things? 

You searched the crowd for the boys, but your gaze landed on a recognisable silhouette, walking away from you, clutching a tub of popcorn tightly in his hands.

Light blonde hair that stood out in the crowd, and he was in a leather jacket, and there was a grin on his face. You’d missed seeing that so much.

He looked so different, yet so familiar, and your heart ached in the wake of all that familiarity.

“Oh, isn’t that him right there?” Yuqi asked.

“Yeah. It is”

“Aren’t you gonna go say hi?” She laughed, confused at your somber tone.

“Um. I should. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Of course. Tell him I said hi!” She smiled. 

You walked over to him and you felt nervous, but you had to have this conversation sooner, than later.

“Lix?”

He turned around at your voice, eyes widening in happy recognition.

Immediately, he smiled, his entire face lit up, “Hey. It’s been a while since I saw you”

You hadn’t seen or talked to him in what felt like forever.

“I didn’t think you’d be coming tonight”

He laughed, “Why would I not? You know how much I love Jaws”

“Right. I…remember”

“What are you doing here?” He asked, stepping closer, to hear you better over all of the crowd, and the sounds of the previews.

“I…” You trailed, point to the projector, “The movie”

“Right. The movie” He laughed, tub of caramel popcorn in his hands and Yongbok hated caramel so you wonder why he was holding it this tight.

“Are you here alone?” 

“No, I came with Eunbi” He responded, gesturing to where she probably was, not that you cared for that right now.

“Oh”

He tilt his head, “Did you get the flowers, by the way?”

Your eyes widened, “You…sent me the flowers?”

He chuckled, “Did you hate them or something?”

“No. I...” You trailed off, unable to comprehend why Felix would send you flowers, of all things in the world, “I love them. They’re great...”

Was that his attempt at an apology?

“I’m glad” His eyes crinkled.

“Yuqi’s here” You blurted, wanting to not talk about this any longer, because it just made no fucking sense.

“Yuqi?” He laughed, seemingly not affected by your ignorance to his gift, “She’s back in town?”

“Yeah. She drove in last night”

“From Busan?”

“Mmh” You nodded.

“She’s still the same?”

You smiled, “Yeah. She is exactly the same”

He looked around, trying to spot the iconic red pickup truck, “So you’re here with them then?”

“Hyunjin too” You added.

Felix’s gaze changed, and he nodded, “Right. Of course”

“Yeah”

He took a step back, smiling, “I guess I should let you get back to him"

Felix looked so happy, so much like his usual self, you felt safe again and you had to ask, “What did you…want to say to me? The other night, when you texted me?”

He laughed, except it seemed forced, “Um, forget that. I was just tipsy, and I was missing you”

You recalled his texts, “No, you said you realised why you’d been acting this way. What way?”

“Well…” He tucked his hands in his pockets, and stepped even closer. Under the lanterns, his eyes sparkled in a way they hadn’t before. Was it because it had been weeks since you’d seen him this happy, or was it just that you’d never gone so long without him?

“I yelled at you, at the cabin, at the party. The one you organised, just for me”

“I remember”

He sighed, “I’m sorry about that. It was…uncalled for, and I was an asshole, for doing that to you, when all you’d been doing was trying to make sure I had a good night”

“Why are you apologising to me now? All of a sudden?”

He shrugged, “I’ve been wanting to for a while. I just couldn’t find the right time, and then earlier this week, I was actually thinking about us. About the cabin, and-”

“Felix…”

“Do you remember that summer?” He interrupted, and even though you’d spent every summer the same way, you somehow knew exactly which one he was talking about.

The summer Hana and Yeonjun started dating.

The same summer you promised Felix you’d never let anything get in between you.

How did he know that you were thinking of it too?

Was it because you and him had spent your entire lives around each other, and he knew you so well?

“Yeah. I remember” You nodded, “What about it?”

“I miss that. I’m really sorry for getting frustrated at you, and overwhelmed. I was upset because-"

“Because you what?"

He shook his head, “It wasn’t just because of Hyunjin”

“Then what?”

He sighed, “That’s not important. What matters is…I’ve been thinking about that summer a lot, and how it was probably the best one of my life. We snuck out to Jeju, do you remember that?”

“I do. Your parents got so mad”

“They did” He laughed, “Anyway, so I was thinking…we could go for a swim soon, right?”

“Why?”

He smiled, “It’s the season of the fireflies. Don’t you remember?”

Your heart crumbled at the memories. 

You and Felix used to go there, every summer, to play with the lightning bugs.

Was it you that ruined everything? 

Felix tilt his head at you, “You all right, Y/N?”

You swallowed, because it was time to tell him what you’d been feeling, “No. I…keep thinking about how things used to be, and I miss that”

His gaze softened, “You do?”

You had to be honest now, “Do you think too much has happened…that things can never be the way they were?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…Hana and Yeonjun will probably never talk to each other again, half of it feels like my fault”

He shook his head, insisting, “It’s not your fault. They just weren’t meant to be together”

“You believe that?”

“Yeah. When two people are meant to be, everything in the world brings them closer, not further apart”

“And…what about you and Yeonjun?”

He shrugged, a playful expression on his face, “Maybe…we can be friends again”

“Really?”

“I…honestly don’t even remember what I was mad at him for. For breaking up with her, for leaving us, it doesn’t matter”

“And…Hyunjin?”

His eyes shot up to yours, “What about Hyunjin?”

You swallowed, “You and him…do you think you can ever be friends with him again?”

He shrugged, “Does it matter? He’s…going to move back to the city, and I’m probably never going to see him again”

“Why?”

“I mean…with his job, it’s not like he’s going to be visiting every summer. So I don’t think it matters if me and Hyunjin get along or not. We’ll hardly ever meet”

You nodded, the sting of Hyunjin leaving hitting you again, but then something Minho had told you came back to you, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, you can”

“When we were fifteen, you said you’d look for the boy from the shop, but you…never told me you found him. Why did you never tell me?”

Felix’s gaze fell to the floor, “It was..futile. It would just break your heart, Y/N”

“What do you mean?”

He stepped closer, clearly wanting to explain himself, and his voice was louder now, because the movie was beginning to play, “I didn’t want to give you false hope. When I found out who Hyunjin is, I also found out what he was doing…training in some big-shot company that would basically own his DNA if he debuted. And he did debut”

“So?”

“So…there would have been no point if you even knew his name, Y/N. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I’m sorry I lied”

Your gaze fell to the floor, because of course he made some kind of sense, it’s not like Felix was an evil person who would keep such things from you for no reason. He cared about you, and so he did what he could to protect you, even if it was wrong, “So is Eunbi your girlfriend now?”

“Where would you get that idea?”

“Seonmi told me everything”

Felix laughed, “Seonmi told you what she thinks she knows. We’re just sleeping together”

“Right. I should go-”

He stepped up to you, closing the distance between you, “You asked me if things can go back to the way they were”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you want that so badly?”

You frowned, “What…what do you mean?”

“I mean…Hana was a bitch to you ever since Yeonjun left her. You wanna go back to that?”

Your eyes narrowed, “That’s not what I meant”

“Then what did you mean? Do you even know what you want go back to?”

“Of course I know, Lix”

“No, I think you like hurting yourself. Why are you always chasing after things you can’t have? Like that art internship in the city. Like…him”

Your eyes widened, and you stepped back, sneakers skidding against the dirt,  “How…how do you know about that?”

He sighed, “Is that really the most important thing right now?”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “I was here to fix things, not to fight again”

Felix let out a breath, reaching out to grab your hand, but you stepped back.

“We’re just having a conversation, Y/N, I’m sorry if it makes you feel like I’m fighting you. Trust me, the last thing I want to do is to fight you”

“Then what are you even saying?” You mumbled, “Why don’t you want things to go back to the way they were? Don’t you want us to be friends again, Yongbok?”

“No, I don’t, Y/N”

“What?” Your eyes shot to his, because you hadn’t expected him to say that, “You…don’t wanna be friends with me anymore?”

His gaze fell to the floor, and he seemed nervous, until he looked back up at you, “I don’t think this is the best place for this conversation”

“No, Yongbok, if you’re cutting me out of your life-”

His eyes landed on someone behind you, “I’m sorry. I can’t have this conversation with you right now. I’ll see you later”

“What...?” You watched him walk away, heart sinking.

“Before you say anything, I tried my best!” Hyunjin laughed, and you turned around. He stood with Yeonjun, snacks in hand, smiling wide. 

“Tried your best on what?” You asked, a lump in your throat after that entire conversation.

“There were way too many candies at the stall. I didn’t even know there’s that many flavours of gummy bears” Hyunjin noted, and then extended a packet towards you, “So I got you guys a mix of them”

“Oh...thank you” You fought a smile, following them back to the truck. Yuqi had spread out all of the blankets, to make enough space for the four of you in the back.

“That’s perfect” Yuqi reached out, taking the pack of candy from Hyunjin, “A gummy bear orgy is just what we need”

“Gross” Yeonjun sniffled, climbing into the truck, crawling over to get comfortable.

You grabbed the tub of popcorn, balancing it on your lap so Hyunjin could hop into the back too. He slid in next to you, pressing you to the side, and you pulled the blanket over yourselves. 

“Are you comfortable?” He glanced at you, leaning into your ear to talk because the movie had already began.

“Yeah” You manoeuvred your legs over his, entangling them. His arm wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you closer, and it was easier to forgot about the conversation with Felix with his arms around you.

He smiled, dimples appearing, “Warm enough?”

“Yeah” You smiled, not wanting to ruin yet another night, “Don’t worry about it”

“The movie’s starting guys, save the pillow talk for later!” Yuqi whisper-yelled, leaning over to look at you.

“Okay, okay” You laughed, bringing your knees up to your chest, letting yourself get comfortable.

“Is the opening scary?” Hyunjin whispered in your ear to not disturb the others.

“A bit”

“Man” He mumbled, sinking deeper into the blanket, and it was cute how he tried to make himself smaller, “I’m definitely going to embarrass myself tonight”

“Why?” You laughed.

“I might scream” He mumbled, as onscreen a girl went out for a late night swim, while her boyfriend stayed on the beach. You, of course, knew what was coming next. 

“You can hold my hand, if it makes you feel better” You told Hyunjin, and he glanced at you, wondering if you were being serious.

“Are you making fun of me already?” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“Of course not” You smiled, reaching over to grab his hand, pulling it into your lap. 

“Is the shark gonna come now?” Hyunjin tensed up, as the music in the movie got louder, and he squint his eyes, preparing himself for a jump-scare. 

He squeezed the life out of your hand when the shark attached the girl. You watched with bated breath, as people in the drive-in theater started cheering, making you laugh. He was focused on the film with unparalleled focus, even though he pretended he hated it.

“You’re so fucking cute” You blurted, already feeling so much better, mid-way through the movie.

He looked at you, eyes still narrowed, “You’re enjoying my misery”

You laughed, “I am, but only because you look adorable” 

He pouted, eyes wide, “Why did I want to do this again?”

“Because you’re the sweetest boy in the world” You hummed, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, but you couldn’t, not here. Instead, you settled for staring at his plush lips.

It seemed like he was thinking of the same thing, because his gaze dropped to your lips, and he mumbled, “Y/N…We can’t. Not here…”

You were in public, surrounded by tons of families, and Hyunjin couldn’t engage in PDA like this, ever. After everything that was happening with Chan and Jisung, he couldn’t risk anything of this sort.

“Sorry” You bit your lip, moving back.

His eyes were half-lidded as he stared at you, “It’s fine. We just…have to be careful about this”

This. He acknowledged it, and that made you happier than you thought it would.

It wasn’t just mistakes, or built-up tension, or lust that had pulled you two together.

It was purposeful.

And you had to be careful about it now.

You felt lost in his daze, “Can I come over after this?”

“Actually. Could I come to your place instead?”

“Oh, of course”

“My place is just a mess” He laughed.

“I don’t really care. We can still go—”

“Let’s just meet at yours” He insisted.

“Of course” You settled back, a little confused.

You tried to focus on the movie, and you almost did, for a good five minutes before Hyunjin spoke up again, “It’s not that I don’t want—”

“Can you pass me the pop soda, Hyunjin? This fucking kernel is stuck in my throat, and it feels like I'm deepthro-” 

“Yuqi!” You interrupted her, “Why would you put that image in my head?”

She laughed “Just give me the soda, please”

Hyunjin blinked, looking back at her, “Shit. We… forgot to get that”

Her eyes widened, disappointing flashing through, “Oh. That’s okay. I’ll just go get some”

She stood up, the truck creaking under the sudden weight.

Hyunjin sat up too, pushing the blanket off himself, inviting cold air onto your legs, “No, that’s okay. I’m the one who forgot. You’ll miss the movie”

She shook her head, “I’ve seen it before. I’ll come with you, I’m already up” 

Hyunjin shot you a smile, “See you in a bit”

You nodded, watching them walk off, hurrying towards the food stands, so they didn’t interrupt the other cars' views.

Yeonjun bit into the leftovers popcorn, shifting closer to you, “More for us”

“You’re right” You laughed, reaching into the tub to eat some.

“Are you having a good time?” He asked.

You smiled, “Yeah. I am. How are you feeling now?”

“Yuqi’s a good distraction” He laughed, “She’s been taking care of me”

“She’s amazing”

“Can I ask why we’re here?”

“What do you mean?”

He laughed, gesturing to the drive-in theater, “I mean, you haven’t come here in ages, and then Hyunjin bugs us about doing a movie night literally the next day…even though he clearly hates the movie playing”

You stretched your feet out, “Yeah. We’re…checking off a list”

“A list?”

“Of stuff I love about Daejon. He thinks it’ll help me feel better”

“I don’t understand why you two don’t just…date” He laughed.

“It’s impossible, Jun” You bit your lip, “Especially right now”

“Yeah. I know” Yeonjun spoke, “Did he tell you what happened with Jisung? There’s going to be some big lawsuit, I heard, against the company”

“What?” Your head snapped to his, “Did he tell you that?”

“Some of my friends at work were discussing it, when I was on the video call earlier. Hyunjin didn’t tell you?”

“No…he didn’t mention that”

Yeonjun sighed, “It’s probably really shitty for him, to watch his friend go through that”

“I can’t even imagine what Jisung would be feeling” You stared at the screen, zoning out of the movie already, even though it was gearing up towards some of the iconic scenes.

“What’s taking them so long?” He wondered, “They’re missing the best parts”

You glanced around, but you couldn’t spot them anywhere, “They must be on their way. Are you missing your emotional support Yuqi?”

He rolled his eyes, “As if you aren’t missing your emotional support Hyunjin”

You laughed, “I can go check. Maybe they’re picking gummy bears again”

You made your way through the cars, as the movie continued playing in the background. 

Yuqi was walking back to you, soda in her hands. Why was she alone?

You looked around the parking lot, but you couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Hey” She shot you a smile, meeting you in the middle, “I finally got it out of my throat. Man that was so uncomfortable”

You laughed, “You...are so entertaining”

“I know” She grinned, grabbing your arm to lead you to the truck, “Come on, let’s go. I miss my dumbass brother”

“But where’s Hyunjin?” You asked, stopping her.

Yuqi sipped the soda, “Oh, he was right behind me. I’m sure he’s on his way”

“But the two of you went together. Is everything okay?

She glanced at you, but her voice was too cheerful to be authentic, “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be? I'm sure he’s fine”

Why did it feel like she was hiding something from you?

You narrowed your eyes, “Yuqi...tell me the truth, please”

She sighed, “He said he’ll join us in a minute. He told me to go back to the truck! Why would I question him?”

“You go back to the truck. I’ll go wait for Hyunjin” You dropped your arm from her grip, walking back over to the food stands. 

“Wait!” Yuqi made a noise resembling a grumble, and ran after you.

What if he got a call from the city, what if he wasn’t okay?

He wouldn’t just walk out of the movie like that.

The noise of the film carried across the entire area, and it was so loud now, the music swelling and escalating as the film geared towards another jump-scare. 

Frightful and excited cheers echoed through the parking lot, and your heart was pounding, from the bass of the speakers, and from the fear of not seeing him anywhere.

Where could he have gone?

You turned the corner from the dumpling stall, looking over towards the restrooms but the line stretched long, and he wasn’t there either.

You turned around to her, “Did he seem okay?”

Yuqi was cursing, wiping her shirt, “Fuck, I spilled my soda!”

You stepped forward, voice softening, “I’ll get us tissues on the way back, but Yuqi...was Hyunjin oka-”

Then you heard him.

Towards the exit, under the huge drive-in sign, were two silhouettes.

Hyunjin and Yongbok.

You were so far away, but you could see that they were in a heated discussion, of some kind.

“Do you know what that’s about?” You asked her, a lump rising in your throat.

Her eyes were wide, and she shook her head, “No, but Hyunjin told me—”

“They’re arguing...”

“Y/N, let’s just go back” Yuqi spoke, pulling at your arm.

You’d never seen Hyunjin like this. He seemed so overwhelmed, hand over his face as Yongbok talked to him about something.

You pulled your arm away from her grip, walking over to them, and they were so engrossed that they didn’t even notice you coming.

“When the hell are you gonna tell her?” Yongbok was saying, “After you were already gone-?”

“Yongbok” Hyunjin mumbled, breathing into his hands, “Please... try to understand”

He grit his teeth, “I don’t have to understand shit, Hyunjin” 

“What is going on?” You asked, but your voice came out shaky and you thought you’d cry. 

What the hell were they talking about?

You felt sick to the stomach, as they turned to you, like they’d been caught...

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “Y/N”

You stepped closer, footsteps steady despite the absolute storm brewing inside your heart, “Tell me what...? Is everything okay, Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin looked defeated, as he stepped over to you, “I need to talk to you”

»»————-

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[neo-shitty]

knuckle-deep — h.hj

description. you never thought a weekday movie night would end up with hyunjin leaning back against the couch and you bouncing on his dick not even 30 minutes into the movie.

pairings. hwang hyunjin x female reader

genre. smut, pwp, fuck buddy!au (minors, please dni)

warnings. swearing, unprotected sex, slight breast play (?), mc has a praise kink me thinks, and mc likes hyunjin’s hands..,.,.. hence, fingering.

word count. 1.5k

notes. inspired by a clip i saw on twitter, i lost the link but it’s forever preserved in the form of this fic. enjoy 🤍

You never thought a weekday movie night would end up with Hyunjin leaning back against the couch and you bouncing on his dick not even 30 minutes into the movie. It was a sight to behold, watching you tower over him on his lap with his legs caged in between yours. The movie on the TV had long blurred into figures in the background, the story not even worth a speck of his attention, not while you’re right in front of him.

His mind was in a frenzy, overwhelmed by the thought of you flicking from one end of the spectrum to the other. You looked cute dressed in nothing but his sweater, drowning in the enormity of it. your hands barely peeking out of the holes of the sleeves and the hem reaching halfway down your thighs. But he thought it looked better hiked up your leg, bunched up by your waist just enough to give him a view of his shaft disappearing into you every time you sank back down onto him. At this point, he no longer wanted to ask for it back.

“Look at you go,” he mutters between jagged breaths, at awe at how adamant you were at keeping up with him today. His fingers dug into your skin when you rolled your hips, his lips parting as groans escaped past them. It’s taking all of his self-control to let you have your way with him, so he tries to loosen his hold as much as he can. He lets his hands roam, down your thighs then up your torso, occasionally wandering beneath your sweater to grope your breasts. He pulls you to him, pressing chaste kisses when he could catch you. 

No matter how he tried to keep it in, his body betrayed him too easily and you’re too smart to miss the signs. He lets one groan out and you respond almost immediately, keeping the rolls slow before picking up the speed when he’s least expecting it.

You’ve taken him countless times now but you’re still just as tight when you first started. It never takes long for him to lose it to you, drunk in the way your walls clench around him—always so accommodating to what he needs.

“Fuck, keep going baby. I’m close.”

You shift in front of him, one hand on the couch’s back for support and the other cupped over your mouth to muffle your whimpers. But there’s a look he can’t quite put his finger on, something he can’t think of as he feels the coils tighten in his stomach. He’s too drunk in the way you looked fucked out in front of him, the tiredness evident in the way your eyes drooped, the sweat trickling down the side of your face. All of this effort put out just to make him cum was almost too overwhelming. 

His hands find their way to your hips, finally taking control. You feel him thrusting into you, his mouth ajar as he tries to chase his high. It comes down to one thrust and the knot in his stomach uncoils. His release shoots out of him and into the warmth of your walls deep inside you. his hold on you loosens, yet still guiding you on him as he rides out his high—pads of his fingers rubbing against your waist.

“That’s my good girl,” he coos, bringing you closer to him to press his lips against your temple. You sink into him, legs finally giving out after holding you up for so long. He reaches up to cup your face, his hands warm against your cheeks as he puckers you up for a kiss.

As if the silence on your part went unnoticed until his head finally cleared, it’s only then that Hyunjin notices what was off. You looked spent but not satisfied, no radiance beaming off you. You’re still sitting on his lap, his shaft still buried in you, occasionally twitching. 

“You didn’t...” He trails off. “I’m sorry I got too caught up on my own. Is there anything I can do?”

“It wasn’t you!” you say, cutting him off just after he apologized. “I just want...”

He eyes you but you’ve already looked away, sweater-sleeved arms raised in an attempt to block his gaze.  “Don’t be shy, speak up.”

But the words don’t come so you’re hoping your actions would carry out what your mouth couldn’t. You run your hand down his arm, tangling your fingers with his. Oh, heavenly fingers that were nothing like yours. Long thick digits, looped with metal bands on the hilt. Just the thought of having them buried deep in you made you dizzy.

“Fingers? You want my fingers?” Hyunjin asks, his tone laced with a tinge of malice—teasing. “Why didn’t you just say so? We could’ve started there.” 

Hyunjin guides you off him, tucking his dick back into his shorts before turning his attention back to you. He turned you around so you had your back against him, sitting you on the floor between his legs. There’s a part of him that wants to hear you beg for it, but you were looking up at him—soft eyes already tired out, but anxiously waiting. He runs his hand down your thigh and you pull them apart for him. Traces of white had smeared onto the inside of your thighs, his release still dripping from your hole. What a mess he’s made on you. Inside the confines of his boxers, he feels his member stir at the sight.

His hand finds its way to your folds, pressing down with the lightest pressure just enough to make you shift and hum. You respond to his touch, aroused enough by the slow simulation to make his fingers glisten with its coating. 

“Hyunjin,” you breathe.

“Patience, baby. I’ll make you feel good soon, I promise.”

Hyunjin runs his fingers down your folds, digits slicked with sticky substance. Your arousal dripped out your cunt, mixed with his release and spilling onto the floor. He presses down a little harder, rubbing in slow drawn out hypnotizing circles. Your nerves come alive, your release beginning to coil in the pits of your stomach. Your head falls back onto Hyunjin’s thigh, leaning back as you let him do what he pleases. 

The slip in is almost too easy, slick-coated digits disappearing into you until he was knuckle-deep inside. His strokes begin slow, dragging against your walls as he pulls out only just to push back in. He feels your body arching off the floor, thrusting up to meet his slow pumps. You’re desperate, clawing at his skin with the unrest between your hips.

So he picks up the pace, both his fingers pumping in and out of you without bottoming out to push back in. Between your breaths a moan falls out of your mouth, the pleasure finally blinding as you feel your release build up. Hyunjin leans down to you, brushing your hair from your ear to whisper, “Do you want them to come in here with another noise complaint again?” 

But he couldn’t care less if they heard you, he loved hearing you fall apart because of him, loved seeing you dig your teeth into your bottom lips to stop yourself from whimpering aloud. Everything about you was just amusing to see and he couldn’t get enough of it.

His thrusts are blinding now, your whimpers turning into moans you couldn’t contain. Hyunjin keeps his fingers pumping at the same pace and he showed no signs of stopping. Your breathing picks up, black spots dotting your vision as it all becomes too much. Your legs have taken a mind of their own, both trying to scurry away and meet Hyunjin at the same time. 

His name stumbles out of your mouth like a prayer, the only thing you can mutter as you feel the onset of your orgasm on the tip of his fingers. Alas the heavens hear you, and your walls spasm with each adding thrust, clenching around extremities as your release rolls over you. The long drawn out pleasure crashing down on you in a wave of exhaustion.

Hyunjin slows, but he doesn’t stop, fucking you through every pulse of your release. You pry your eyes open, looking up to see his image dotted with the spots just beginning to clear your vision. Your ears were still ringing, your breath still short. Hyunjin gazes down at you, eyes no longer clouded with the lust you could from earlier. He caresses the side of your face, brushing the hair sticking to your skin from the sweat. 

“Did it feel good?” he asks, his voice gentle as always. You manage to give him a nod, melting into his hand as it cups your cheek, his thumb brushing your skin as if to bring you back. He pulls his fingers out, noticing the way you’re instinctively trying to get away from him.

But he keeps the pads pressed against you, slowly ghosting circles by your clit. “You think you can take another one?”

© neo-shitty, 2022

[daebakinc]

Dirty, Dirty Dancing Pt. 2 (M)

A Dirty Dancing AU

Pairing: Yunho X Female Reader X Hyunjin (polyamorous relationship)

Word Count: 4.6K

Synopsis: The college campus where boyfriend, Yunho, is a visiting dance instructor seems like every other university you’ve visited until a secret party reveals it’s anything but. After a drunken mishap, promising dance student, Hyunjin, is left without a dance partner. Enlisted in helping him before a big audition, you begin to catch feelings for him. Can you help him and maintain a relationship with your boyfriend?

Part 1

~Admin V

           The three of you stood outside the door with your watermelons in hand. Your eyes had to be as big as saucers. Sure, you’d seen videos of pole dancing, or when there were performances on talent-search shows, but never in person, or so many.

             There was a cacophony of students on the poles. Some poles had only one person, but there were some with two. Some students were fully clothed, others in shorts or less. Legs and arms dangled in the air as the dancers spun in circles. If their feet were on the ground, they rolled their bodies against the poles or clung to the pole with one hand as they did floor tricks.

             There was so much to see and take in you didn’t know where to look. “Where’d they learn to do that?”

             Changbin cracked a smile. “Kids are doing it back home in their basements.”

             Felix shook his head. “There’s a couple of classes they teach here, hence why there’s so many poles.”

             You mouthed an “ah” and looked back to all the dancers.

             Nudging against your shoulder, Changbin wiggled his eyebrows and hips at you. “Wanna try it?”

             You quickly shook your head and looked away from him, which made him chuckle. Yunho was the dancer of the two of you. You were lucky not to step on feet when dancing. You couldn’t fathom being able to dance on a pole.

Felix was also smiling. “Come on.” He led the way through the mass of students.

             Those who weren’t on poles were paired off or in groups, dancing very close together and grinding. Felix expertly weaved between them. You tried to make yourself as small as possible to not touch anyone until you were all at the back of the room. There was a table filled with snacks and drinks, which is where you set down the watermelons.

             Once your arms were free, the three of you turned and leaned against the table as you watched all the excitement in the room.

             Changbin nudged you again. “Can you imagine if they did dancing like this in the student performances we saw tonight?”

             “Well why not? If the school provides classes, why wouldn’t there be performances with the poles?” You looked on with fascination as a dancer at the top of a pole dropped down quickly, stopping before reaching the floor and spun around like it was nothing.

             Felix leaned in so you could hear him over the music. “Our professors might be progressive, but the president and alums are not. They’d close the school down first before ever allowing a pole performance.”

             “How’d the school get the poles then if they’re against it? Aren’t those the people who would pay for them?”

             “Dance department has its own funding. And even if the president had to sign off on something, he’s so stupid, he’d probably assume they were just ballet bars or something.” Changbin chuckled to himself before bringing a red solo cup to his lips. “Fuckin’ Jinyoung Park”

             So, conservative president and alumni. How did that work at a liberal arts school? You wondered if that’s why Hyunjin and Yeji made no contact in their performance.

             Think of the devil, the couple walked into the room, eliciting some cheers from the other dancers present. Someone handed Hyunjin a beer, which he sipped from and handed back then shook his hair from his half ponytail. Yeji was grabbed into a huddle of girls.

             It wasn’t long before she took hold of a pole. Hyunjin was quickly behind her. As he grabbed the bar, she supported herself on his arms. He held them both up with his arms and began spinning. Yeji lifted her legs, allowing Hyunjin space to wrap his legs around the pole. As he raised them, it allowed for Yeji to sit in his lap as they continued to spin.

             Hyunjin was the one supporting them, but the way Yeji clung to him, or moved in her own way on the pole made it look so beautiful. Artistic even.

             “You’d think they were a couple, wouldn’t you?” Felix popped a pretzel in his mouth.

             “Well aren’t they?”

             “No,” Changbin chimed in. “Not since freshman year.”

             Looking at Changbin, you instantly knew he had no beef with Yeji. He was in love with her, and just as mesmerized by their dancing as you were.

             You refocused your attention to watch them twirl to the music. It was a shame they couldn’t do a pole performance, especially for an audition. Not that there was anything wrong with the performance they did at the banquet, but this was way more intriguing. They made the dancing on the pole look so easy, but you could see from the strain of each of their muscles that it was anything but.

             The song ended. Hyunjin carefully lowered them back to the ground. He whispered something to Yeji, in which she nodded her head. Then he left her side and was walking directly toward you.

             The moment he saw you, something sparked in his eyes. He reached on the table for two drinks, then looked to Changbin and Felix. “What’s she doing here?” The confusion from the banquet was no longer in his gaze.

             “She came with us,” Felix popped another pretzel in his mouth.

             “I carried a watermelon.”

             Hyunjin just stared at you like you were an idiot, and frankly, after blurting something so stupid, you felt like one. He said nothing else and took the drinks back to Yeji.

             The song changed, which caused loud cheers from everyone. It must’ve been a line-dance the way most everyone left the poles and were gathering next to each other on the floor.

             “It’s the Wobble!” Changbin left your side to join the other dancers.

             “Come dance with us,” Felix waited for you to follow.

             “I leave the dancing to Yunho.”

             “You sure?” It looked like he was willing to stand with you and miss the song.

             “You go dance. I’ll be fine here. I should actually probably head out soon.”

             He gave a smile. “Okay. Well, I’ll see you for catering for the luncheon.” And he was off to join his friends.

             The Wobble actually seemed fun, just bouncing and shaking. Your self-preservation instincts were quite high, however, and you were not about to embarrass yourself in front of trained dancers.

             The music changed to another line dance.

             Busy watching Felix and Changbin have fun, you didn’t notice Hyunjin next to you until his arm stretched in front of you; an offer to dance.

             Raising your hands, you shook your head. “I’m okay, I don’t dance.”

             His arm remained, and even shook to signal to take it.

             Looking at him, you could see from his stare he wasn’t going to take “no” for an answer. Oh gods you didn’t want to, but found yourself taking his hand somehow.

             He led you to one of the now empty poles. You felt all the color leave your face. “I cannot pole dance. I’ve never done it before.”

             He let go of your hand, trusting you wouldn’t run. Hyunjin positioned himself on the pole, hoisting his frame one handed while wrapping his leg snuggly around the pole.

             You weren’t sure of what you were supposed to do. That’s when Hyunjin motioned with his finger to come to him. Feet moving on their own, you were next to him and the pole.

             “Sit on my leg.”

             He couldn’t be serious. “I can’t sit on you.”

             His eyebrow raised in amusement. “You can’t sit?”

             “I’m too heavy.”

             He quickly looked bored. Then his gaze moved to his arm, making you look at it as well. It was thick with muscle. His focus moved downward to his leg. It too, was quite impressively large. “I think I can handle it.”

             There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that he could. Your choices were to run now while you had the chance, or sit on him as requested. Exhaling slowly, you reached for the pole and lifted yourself onto his leg.

             “Do you feel comfortable?”

             “I guess so. I have to let go of the pole, don’t I?”

             “Do you want to let go?”

             Not really, but you were already sitting on him. There was no turning back now. With one arm around his lower back, you rested your free hand on his thigh.

             He looked into your eyes. “I won’t let you fall.” As soon he said it, his foot holding you both steady lifted from the floor and you both began spinning. Scared from the sudden movement, you hugged against him.

             You were very aware that your face was on his chest, especially as his scent invaded your nose. It reminded you of being out on campus, flowery and woodsy. But you were too scared of falling to back away and sit comfortably.

             “It was you earlier.”

             Not saying anything, you remained in your clinging-for-dear-life position.

             “Down by the lake,” he continued. “You were watching me paint.”

             “Yeah,” was all you could muster.

             Realizing your fear, Hyunjin put his foot back on the ground to stop the spinning. “I told you I wouldn’t let you fall. Look at me.”

             Loosening your grip, you lifted from hugging his side and looked at him.

             His foot lifted again so you were twirling, but before you could koala-squeeze him again, he lifted your chin with his free hand. “Just look at me. You’re okay.”

             Moving his hand inward made the two of you spin even faster which didn’t help your worry about falling, but you convinced yourself to trust him.

             You stared into his eyes as the two of you spun and allowed yourself to feel the motion of it. Not brave enough to look away, you kept your attention on his face.

             He was staring at you intensely, maybe hoping to transfer some courage through his stare.

             Yunho came to mind as you stared at Hyunjin. The second you’d met Yunho, you found him breathtakingly handsome. As you got to know him, you saw his cute, puppy-dog features. But looking at Hyunjin, he was a different kind of handsome. He was stunning in his own way. Beautiful in his intensity. You wondered if he had any cute features that would offset it.

             He didn’t spin you for long before putting his foot back on the floor and helping you to the ground. “I would’ve tried another position, but you still seem too nervous.”

             “I don’t like making a fool of myself.”

             An expression like he was trying to figure you out while thinking about what you said crossed his face. He didn’t say anything else and walked away.

             Not realizing you’d been staring off once he left, you felt a hand on your shoulder.

             “Damn girl, you certainly caught Hyunjin’s attention.” Yeji, brought her cup to her lips, clearly seeking some hot gossip.

             You felt shy and pushed your hair behind your ear. “I think he just saw I was by myself and didn’t want me to feel left out.”

             “I wouldn’t be too sure. That move he just did with you is called the Cupid.” She smiled and wiggled her eyebrows at you. Hopefully, it was just the alcohol talking.

             “He probably just chose it because it made his leg available for me to sit on and I didn’t have to do anything.”

             She didn’t say anything more, but her smile became wider until she too left you in your thoughts.

             Thinking it would be better to leave before someone else tried to drag you on a pole, you were soon trekking across campus to the visiting artist guest house.

             From the looks of it, Yunho didn’t arrive home much before you. “Did you just get in?” You took your shoes off by the door.

             “I did. The guys had a lot of stories to share.” He took off his button-down shirt, leaving him in a tank. “I’m surprised you’re coming home so late.”

             “Yeah,” you shook your hair out of the tight, catering-approved bun. “My coworkers needed help with some watermelons.” Walking towards him, you wrapped your hands around his face. “Hi.”

             Yunho grinned. “Hi.” His lips pressed gently against yours.

             “You know the school has stripper poles?”

             “You saw them?” A look of envy crossed his face.

             “It’s where the watermelons needed to be.” You pecked his lips again.

             Pushing you back slightly to study your face, he asked, “Did you try it?” The grin on his face told you he already knew you wouldn’t try it on your own.

             “Actually, one of your students coaxed me into it.”

             “Nu uh,” he chuckled, thinking you were joking. He took off his tank.

             “Well, he used the pole, I just kinda held on to him.”

             “You’re being serious?” The laughter was now gone from his face.

             You nodded, which made Yunho beam in a new way,

             He hugged you into his arms. “Which student?”

             “Why, are you going to threaten them for touching your girl?”

             “Not at all,” he kissed your nose. “I’m gonna give him extra marks for making my baby try something new and adventurous.”

             “Does it really matter?”

             “No,” he went back to kissing your mouth, reminding you of the promise to continue the morning's activities.

             Groaning, you pushed against him. “I’m still gross from work. And after I shower, I think I’ll be too sleepy.”

             The smirk never left his face. “I can always shower with you.”

             Raising your eyebrow, you sighed. “How much showering would actually take place?”

             He knew he had you. “You’ll get clean. I promise.”

             Unable to resist his proud little smirk, you continued removing your clothes, causing him to take off the rest of his.

             It was a shower/bathtub combo, and once the two of you figured out how to switch the setting to shower, he was a man of his word. He massaged your scalp when shampooing your hair and scrubbed your back and other hard to reach places when soaping up. Of course, he couldn’t help himself when washing your chest and took longer than necessary to clean the area until your nipples were hard.

             You turned so your back was to him to wash your face under the water. That’s when his arms snaked around your chest and tummy to pull you against him.

             Turning your head, you looked back at him. “Cleaning is over?”

             “Yes,” he whispered before nibbling on your earlobe.

             The sensation sent a shiver through your body.

             Yunho’s hands were instantly over your chest again. He cupped your breasts in each hand. He was gentle as he massaged them, until his thumbs and forefingers reached to pinch your nipples.

             Your moan surprised you. The sudden pressure from the pinch sent waves of arousal through your tummy.

             “They’re still nice and hard from their washing.” You could hear the proud smirk in his voice. “Should I pinch them again?” His breath was warm against your ear.

             You pushed your head back against him. “Yes.”

             He squeezed the hard buds again, giving way to another cry of pleasure from you. “How many times should I tweak them, baby?” He pinched them again. “Another?” Again. “One more time?” Again.

             Each press of your nipples sent a jolt through you. “Keep doing it, please Yunho.” 

             Yunho chuckled, the sound loud and deep as he spoke into your ear. “But what if I want to give you more?”

             His hands released your breasts, making you whimper at the loss of heat. With his left arm he held your chest and pulled you snuggly against him while his right hand slid slowly down your tummy. “Open your legs for me, baby.”

             You did as you were told.

             The arm over your chest pressed tighter against you, holding you firmly in place as his other arm slid down and you felt his fingers on your clitoris. There was no comparison to the feel of his skin versus the silicon of San. He’d barely begun touching you, and the swells of elation were already coursing to your toes.

             His fingertips moved slowly, stroking upward against you.

             Reaching up, your hands gripped against his arm. A moan sounded out as he switched his movements to slow, deliberate circles.

             He focused his lips on your neck now, pressing soft kisses against it, causing you to moan again. Your sounds were turning him on and soon you could feel the hard evidence against your back.

             “Yunho,” you breathed as he sped up his circling. Your legs began shaking from trying to hold yourself up as he was bringing you closer to orgasm.

             “You’re already so close for me?”

             Squeezing his arm, you pressed your head back against him. “You feel better than San.” You couldn’t help but whimper when he changed direction of his circles.

             He chuckled against your ear. “I love hearing that.” As he left kisses against your shoulder this time, his fingers slid down from your clit and pushed into your warmth. “And so wet for me, too.”

             His fingers didn’t stay in you long. Now slick from you, he rubbed them upward on your clit once again, the new potency wracking your body with endorphins and causing echoes from your moaning.

             “You’re ready, aren’t you, baby? You want to cum for me?”

             “I don’t want you to stop, it feels too good,” your response was louder than intended, making him laugh.

             His fingers went back to a circling motion, going at a devastatingly slow pace. 

             “Yunho, please,” you couldn’t help but whine.

             He wasn’t much for teasing, but he lived for evoking any sound he could from your lips. He moved the circles much faster. Then faster. Faster.

             With your legs shaking, you held onto his arm tighter, your orgasm finally going over the edge as water continued cascading down the two of you.

             Yunho moved his hand from between your legs and wrapped his arm back around your tummy until you were able to hold yourself up on your own.

             He kissed your ear then whispered in it again. “I want to be inside you, baby. Do you want to feel how much I want you?”

             Goosebumps raised up your arms.

             “Gods, yes, I wanna feel you.”

             Your answer made him chuckle more.

             Carefully spinning you around, his lips found yours. His hands pressed against your lower back, making sure your skin was against his. You knew he was needy, but he did a good job of hiding his desperation. He kissed you slowly, memorizing the shape of your lips, then their taste. When his tongue became involved, one of his hands slid down your back, over your ass and grabbed your thigh to lift it, pulling your leg to wrap around him. With your leg out of the way, he stepped his foot up on the corner ledge of the tub. Sensing your unease from the height imbalance, he pushed against you until your shoulder and upper back were against the tiled wall.

             Shifting only to make sure he was secure and that neither of you would slip in this position, Yunho pressed his forehead against yours and looked into your eyes. “Okay, baby?”

             Your breath caught from his gaze, but you were able to give a shaky “yes” in response as you held onto his biceps.

             Not needing further prompting, he guided his length to your entrance.

             A thrill of endorphins encompassed your body when you heard the loud groan from Yunho. “Damn, baby. You feel so good.”

             You could only respond with a whimper of your own. He felt good to you, too. You felt so full as his girth stretched you.

             He moved his hips carefully, rolling them at a slow tempo to keep balance. Yunho held onto your lower back, his other hand pressed against the shower wall. Whenever he thrusted into you, his hand squeezed against your lower back, the sounds of his and your pleasure rising.

             The friction of his thrusts continued to stimulate your clitoris. Each gyration into you caused his tip to rub against your g-spot.

             Out of your control, your legs once again shook. The foot still on the shower floor slipped, and scared to fall, you quickly grabbed onto Yunho’s shoulders.

             Stopping his movements, he held you against him, his mouth over your ear. “You’re okay, baby. I won’t let you fall.” He continued slow, hard thrusts into you.

             A new shiver coursed down your spine. Your mind was no longer in the bathroom with Yunho, but back to the pole with Hyunjin. The heat of his chest as your face was pressed against it. The weight of your leg on his thigh. The intensity in his eyes as he stared at you, promising not to let you fall. His eyes pierced you, dark, focused, full of strength and curiosity. And you felt him pumping into you. Harder. Rougher. Faster.

             You felt dizzy like you were spinning with him again. You looked into the deep dark chocolate of his eyes. His thrusts were getting faster and harder and more aggressive and your clit was getting such pressure from the motion of it all.  I won’t let you fall. Look at me  rang through your ears and  you couldn’t control yourself from screaming out. You were reaching the peak of your breaking point.

             “Fuck,” your nails dug into Yunho’s shoulders as your climax took over your body, moans slightly stifled into Yunho’s chest. As you squeezed around him, you felt his body shake as he was close to his own orgasm.

             “Baby, hold onto my shoulders.”

             Once you were gripping him tightly, Yunho lowered his foot from the ledge and lowered your leg from around him. He pushed your hips away from him as he pulled out. His moan was deep and loud as he came, his ejaculate getting on both of your stomachs. He leaned his head on your shoulders. He pinned you with both of his hands on either side of you.

             The two of you panted trying to catch your breaths. It was hard to tell if the shaking was from your bodies’ satisfaction, or shivering from the water no longer feeling warm against your skin.

             Your hands rubbed against his shoulders to help him calm down, and to help you stay distracted. You were allowing yourself to focus on Yunho and not think too deeply about why you just came as hard as you did without him in your thoughts.

             When he quieted, he lifted his head to look at you. “I guess we should’ve saved the washing for after,” he grinned.

             “Yeah,” was all you could muster.

             Yunho chuckled. “It was a lot more passionate than I was expecting, too. I thought it at least would’ve taken longer after you already got off with San earlier.”

             Moving your hands from his shoulders, you took hold of his face. You loved this face. The sharpness of his jawline. The pout of his lips. The furrow of his brow. So why wasn’t it his face in your mind just now that pushed you into euphoria?

             He watched you in interest and mistook your silence as being overcome from the sex.

             “I can wash us again, my love.” He kissed your nose, then your lips, before breaking your hold and doing as he said.

             You on the other hand continued to overthink the situation. You didn’t exactly feel guilty. What was there to be guilty about? Yunho knew you’d done the pole dancing earlier. But, you didn’t disclose who you danced with. It’s not like you couldn’t just tell him. The two of you rarely kept any secrets from each other. However, you also didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Telling him it wasn’t only him who brought you to a withering mess  would certainly do that.

             Washed, dried, and in bed wrapped in Yunho’s arms, you still couldn’t control your brain. You’d decided to tell Yunho, just maybe not until a few days later. That way, there was also still a chance you’d forget all about it and there’d be nothing to tell.

             Listening to Yunho’s easy breathing, you forced yourself to concentrate on the sound and push away the shambles of your brain. Soon the heaviness of the day lulled you into sleep.

             It was late into the morning when you finally woke up. Yunho was already gone, probably having taught several classes by now. He’d left a note on his pillow that he'd see you for lunch.

             The school’s president’s luncheon wasn’t until tomorrow, which meant you could do some more exploring around the campus.

             Part of you wanted to head back towards the lake to see if Hyunjin was there. Not that you were dying to see him, but perhaps confronting him could clear your mind of him all together. However, there was also a chance that your brain would hold onto him even more and interrupt more intimate moments with Yunho.

             Thinking better of it, you headed in a new direction. The path you went down today took you on a hilly route, eventually leading you to the school library. A large gazebo in front of the building was filled with several musicians working on a composition. It took a bit of time to walk around the building, as it was quite large, before long  you were at the back of it, where a willow tree grew with a koi pond underneath it.

             Looking down at the fish made you smile. You wondered how Hyunjin would paint the fish and the pond. Would it be similar to how he did the lake; colorful and patchy?

             Your phone vibrating in your pocket brought you back to reality. It was a message from Yunho requesting for you to bring lunch to him. There was some kind of emergency in the dance studio.

             Spinning on your heel, you hiked back into the direction of the dining hall. You went in the front entrance this time, realizing you’d not actually seen it, just the kitchen. With round tables and tablecloths, it looked homier than a cafeteria.

             You recognized some of the waitstaff you’d worked with the night before and were able to get to-go boxes from them. You wanted to ask if they would know anything about the emergency, but you didn’t recognize any of them from the party. They could’ve been studying other artistic disciplines.

             Once the boxes were filled up and paid for, you walked to the quad where the campus map stood.

             Unlucky for you, the dance studio was about as far from the dining hall as it was to the guest house. This gave you time to worry about what the emergency was. Did Yunho get hurt in class today? There was drinking at the party last night. Did campus police bust it up and get the dance students in trouble? Maybe it was nothing too serious and one of the dance mirrors just got a crack in it.

             More of the same questions floated through your mind. You’d climbed a monster of a hill across campus, and now were confronted with a ridiculous number of steps leading to the dance studio. You wouldn’t have been surprised if one of the students tripped and fell down them and that was the emergency.

             Finally in the building, it looked similar to the setup as the one Felix and Chanbin lead you to the night before. You were able to find the studio Yunho was teaching it and pushed open the door.

             Your eyes found Yunho first. Though his face held concern, he looked fine otherwise. You recognized Bangchan and Seonghwa who both also looked worried, but not injured. A lump grew in your throat when you saw Hyunjin staring back at you. Was he the emergency? Studying his face, you saw stress, but no pain. Looking him over, his body looked fine. That’s when you noticed Yeji sitting in a chair next to him with her leg in a bright pink cast.

[havenwithleeknow]

An art gallery could never be as unique as you

Pairing: hwang hyunjin x y/n

Warnings: none

Tags: slight angst, fluff ending

Song: An art gallery could never be as unique as you by MRLD

"Noona hide, I saw him!" your best friend jeongin told you and you quickly hide through the clothes in the department store you're in because you both saw the person you've been avoiding for a week now, HWANG HYUNJIN.

You and Hyunjn is stuck in this situationship where you don't know if you guys are friends, more than friends or you're just being delusional and assuming things.

You're peeking at hyunjin if he left so you could go back checking all the clothes with jeongin.

"why are you avoiding him anyways?" he asked while taking the bags in my hands. "I want to end things with him because he just keeps confusing me" I answered. "What happened? It seems like he genuinely like you though" he gave me a confused look "I asked him the last time we went out what are we, he said HE DOESN'T KNOW. I asked him if he likes me but he stayed silent, so I said we need to end whatever we have because I can't settle with that kind of set up" my heart hurts just by recalling about what happened that day.

"That sucks noona, but what if he really likes you? He's just shy to admit it? Or maybe he's waiting for the right time?" There he goes again with his what ifs. "I don't know, Jeongin. If he likes me or not, then he better tell me so I'm not confused. I keep thinking about it every night, are we friends? But he kissed me! Friends don't kiss!" I sighed and he shook his head

"Noona, I got tickets for us for the art gallery next week!" He showed me two tickets but I feel lazy to go so I refused "Noona please go with me! I'll cry if you won't go" he made that sad face which he knows has effects on me. "Fine!" He went giddy until we reached my apartment and bid me goodbye.

I checked my phone and saw that Hyunjin left messages

'Let's talk pls'

'You need to hear this'

'I miss you'

'Answer my calls please'

'I wanna see you'

I ignored his texts and went to bed. I'm sorry Hyunjin, I like you so much but I don't think I can settle in an unlabeled situationship with you anymore.

.

I am already preparing for Jeongin and I's agenda for today ㅡ the art gallery.

"Noona, you look dull. Go change and put on more make up!" He pushed me back to my apartment to change.

I wanna smack the shit out of this kid, I swear to God.

After I did everything Jeongin said, I came out of my apartment and he's looking at me while smiling ear to ear.

We're here already and it's a little crowded but not so much, just enough for you to wander.

At the end of the hall, there are paintings that caught my attention. The girl on the paintings seems familiar.

Is that me?!

Jeongin saw me and he pushed me towards it, "Go, noona! That's you! Go and see it for yourself, this is why I forced you to come here. You need to see this!" he said while jumping a little out of excitement.

I walked towards it and there's a note at the side

Dear: Y/N

If you ever attend today, I just want to let you know that these pieces are solely dedicated for you. I treasured everything that we had. I hope you don't misunderstand, I like you a lot. I just can't confess because i'm waiting for this right time where I can show you my artworks. Can I be your boyfriend?

Love, Hwang Hyunjin.

While reading the letter, I did not realize that I am tearing up already. "It looks like you liked it, don't you?" a familiar voice behind me said and I turn around and it's Hyunjin. He's holding another painting and gave it to me. "Giving you actual flowers would be cliché so I painted you one" he said. "H-hyun... this is... pretty" I said still sniffing and tearing up. I was so overwhelmed. "I like you, y/n. I hope you give me a chance to prove it to you" he said not minding the crowd around us who have their own worlds. "Yes, yes Hyunjin" I cried more and hugged him. "I'm sorry for not talking to you, I was just really confused." I apologized and I can feel him smiled "It's alright, I understand" we broke the hug and he caressed my cheeks while looking at my eyes. His lips met mine, our lips collided and moved in sync. I put my hands over his shoulders and his hands on my waist, we ignored the world and the people around us.

After we broke the kiss, our foreheads sticks to each other while smiling and said this

"An art gallery could never be unique as you, my pretty"

[romansstic]

i’m having visions of you, hwang hyunjin.

hyunjin constantly has visions of his kindergarten princess. but, right when he’s at his lowest, what he believes as his guardian angel dressed in pink comes back to save him.

pairing: hyunjin x f!reader - reader is stated to be korean, sorry if this doesn’t fit you but it was the only way i thought would fit the story :(

genre: written fic, angst, fluff, idol life, hj hiatus era :(, childhood friends (?) to lovers, some graphic language (damn & fucking. let me know if i missed any!)

a/n: inspired by star lost from you @hyunjinspark​ ! all time fav author. pls don’t be afraid to point out mistakes! i made this at like... 1... 2 am... 

might make a pt 2... idk lmao just maybe

2021, GANGDONG DISTRICT - ESCAPADE ARTS.

ding!

signaling an entrance, the girl in the front desk looked up. “hello, welcome to escapade arts! the perfect getaway place for artists like you!”

hyunjin nodded in acknowledgement. 

the girl smiled at him, batting her eyes. god, just one day, please.

he sighed, crinkling his eyes to make it seem like he actually smiled under his mask. “hi, how do i sign up?”

“just fill the form and we’ll get you inside in no time!”

hyunjin grabbed the pen, he looked over the names in the sign up sheet. there were only a few, most of them already leaving right before his arrival. 

hwang, h.

there seemed to be only one other person inside the work shop in this hour, so he decided why not? worst thing that will happen is that they’ll talk, go home, and just forget about each other. 

no harm in having a little human interaction. lord knows he needs it.

ever since being sent to hiatus, hyunjin’s been self destructive - isolating himself from everyone. the members took it upon themselves to repeatedly bang and scream at his door just so he could get fed up and actually face them, even if it meant him getting mad. 

chan gave him the idea to take a breather. go out in the real world. hyunjin needed to heal. he needed to take time to himself, in a healthy way.

and what better way than to indulge in something he’s passionate about that’s not dance. art.

hyunjin remembers how he got into art. he remembers it better than the back of his hand. it was the most crucial event that happened in his life. he could never forget.

how could he?

entering inside, hyunjin was greeted with a large assortment of canvases, tables, and various supplies. paint cans, paint brushes, and painted art works adorned the walls of the escapade arts walls. 

it was a dream.

hyunjin was tranced. he had never seen something - some place - so simple yet so angelic at the same time. he could cry at how beautiful the scene was. 

it reminded him of the girl of his dreams.

easels were sprawled all around. he almost didn’t notice the person painting on one of the canvases near the corner. 

their area looked like a mess, for all one knows even more of a mess than he was. paint was all over their hands. but the person didn’t seem to care. they were too busy in their own to pay attention to anything else.

hyunjin wishes he could relate for it seems that a plethora of things surround his mind in any given moment. he could never focus on one thing and one thing only.

perhaps dance did. maybe performing did. but nevertheless, in those situations, he still feels the worry of how the bigger picture looked in the end. 

they were immersed in art. they hadn’t a single care in the world; just them, paint, and a canvas. they looked angelic.

and hyunjin could recognize that angelic face anywhere.

hyunjin no longer felt like tearing up over the place, but the person.

after all this time?

after years of longing, yearning, reminiscing. the one person he’d always have visions of was finally here - right in front of his eyes.

is this real?

hyunjin rubbed his eyes with his sleeve, not believing the fact that this isn’t just a heavily descriptive, realistic, mind-boggling dream.

still, the angel sat there. his angel.

he stood there like an idiot. if anyone else saw the scene happening before him, they’d think he’s a creep.

he grimaced, closing his eyes. who just stares at a stranger?

no, not a stranger.

picking himself up, he walks - slowly, lightly, hushed steps.

the person he’d always dreamed of still hadn’t noticed him, and he didn’t know if he liked that or not.

hyunjin was perfectly fine with just staring at the girl. hell, just being in her presence was enough. 

on the other hand, he wondered what her voice sounds like. is it the same dreamy voice always echoing in his mind? maybe it’s deeper - huskier. perhaps, it even became more enchanting? god, he would lose it. 

maybe it is best she doesn’t notice him.

he chooses a spot as far as from her as possible, yet still having the room to look and admire her.

he beats himself up inside. can you be more of a creep, hyunjin? step out of it!

right as his body hits the stool-

creek!

the stool makes a noise.

of course it did. hyunjin curses.

y/n looks up, startled. you were so engrossed in your painting. you didn’t realize there was someone was in the same room as you.

get it together, y/n!

“sorry!” hyunjin calls out.

y/n finds his voice alluring.

“no problem!” she smiles that damn smile.

hyunjin thinks he cries. inside. hearing your voice melts him. hearing his angel’s voice melts him.

“oh, sorry wait i forgot to put my mask on. no one usually come during these ho-”

“keep it off.”

hyunjin startles himself. y/n raised a brow, confused as to way this man covered from head to toe - minus his eyes - was telling her to keep her mask off. “oh?”

“sorry, i mean!” hyunjin catches himself, “i mean, it’s okay. keep it off if you’re comfortable that way. we’re far apart anyways...”

he wishes you weren’t far apart. he wishes he could be beside you. he wishes he could wipe off the confused put off your face. he wishes he could envelope you in his arms and whisper you sweet nothings. he wishes he could finally tell you how much he missed you.

but he can’t.

“well, we don’t have to be.”

hyunjin swears his heart is about to jump out of his chest and start running around the room. he stutters.

“do you wanna sit beside me? you don’t have to be lonely all the way there.”

hyunjin is stunned.

what was all that about not being able to be near her?

he knows he should’ve refused. he should’ve said no and stayed at his spot, just silently adoring you.

but he didn’t. he jumped at the opportunity to finally be close to you after all this time. he wanted to breathe in your scent. he wanted to finally feel you beside him.

and now he could.

hyunjin quicky jumps up, causing y/n to leave a soft giggle. he quickly grabs his bag and rushes towards you, almost knocking a canvas down. 

“woah, there! calm down, mister!” she chuckles.

he misses her laugh.

hyunjin laughs too, in what felt like ages. he doesn’t think he’s laughed, more so smiled, since he got sent to hiatus.

“sorry, just haven’t been outside in a while.”

“i can tell,” y/n gives him a soft smile. normally, if a stranger told him that, he would’ve scoffed and walked away. but this was you. he knows what your words mean through and through. 

so he smiles back.

hyunjin removes his cap, running a hand through his hair. y/n stares at him.

“so,” she started, “what brings you here?”

“huh?” hyunjin looked at her, “me?”

there she goes again with her fucking adorable laugh, “well who else?”

“oh, right,” hyunjin evidently blushes.

“if you want, you can take your mask off too. um, unless you have covid or have been near someone from covid... oh, but you probably don’t you got past the registration requirements anyways,” y/n rambled, “anyways! you just... do you and do whatever you want to do,” she smiled.

her rambling makes hyunjin smile, again.

removing his mask, he looked at y/n for a reaction. 

all he got was the same welcoming smile he’d always love.

yet, no sense of recognition.

not even a slight surprise she’s beside an idol. if she even knew that stuff.

hyunjin was obviously red. y/n could tell he was anxious with the way he kept licking and biting his lips, never seeming to keep steady.

“i come here to stress relieve.”

he looks at her. “well i’m here almost everyday. when i don’t have classes i stay here the whole day. my family pity me for it, but i’m happy here.”

y/n looks at hyunjin, meeting his eyes - which just bring hyunjin to turn redder. “not many people come here, or stay long. most think it’s boring,” she frowns. “but i think you’d like it here.”

“you think so?”

“you’re the type of person who likes to just... bask in silence. do what you love doing. express yourself, you know?”

hyunjin nods, thoughtful. “true. you seem very wise.”

y/n chuckles. “not wise, hyunjin. i just.. think a lot? i guess.”

hyunjin laughs along, not even realizing your slip up because of how much your presence alone consumed him.

after that, it’s silent.

peace.

just you painting strokes onto your canvas, and hyunjin starting on with his.

hyunjin paints with a smile. he silently thanks chan and the rest of the boys for encouraging him to get out. 

and then it hit him. hyunjin.

you said his name.

did he tell you his name?

he couldn’t remember. maybe he did, and he just forgot.

y/n notices him sweating. “hey, you doing alright there?”

“hm?” only then hyunjin realizes his knee has been bouncing and his hands sweating. “oh, yeah. i’m okay.”

y/n eyes him, “no, you’re not.”

hyunjin is both amazed and pissed at how you can read straight through him, and have no filter with it.

“um, i was just wondering...” hyunjin shakes, “did i... tell you my name?”

y/n haulted from her actions, “um,” she paused, “yes. you did.”

“oh.”

“yeah.”

“sorry,” he apologizes. “i just forgot, i think.”

“yeah, it’s okay.”

hyunjin feels weary after that conversation.

2006, LAS VEGAS KINDERGARTEN.

“don’t leave me!”

a 6 year-old hwang hyunjin cried to his mother, “if you love me, you’d stay!”

his mother sighed, “jinnie, my baby,” she cupped his tear stained cheeks, a frown laced on his face - contrasting his pretty features. “it’s only for a little while, i promise. you can get through this, okay? stay strong, prince.”

“but!” hyunjin stuttered, “how will i talk to anyone? no one looks like they’d speak korean here.”

looking around, hyunjin’s mom spotted an asian girl - who she assumed to be korean - sitting on her desk. she had a pink tutu dress on while her hair adorned space buns, quietly drawing what seemed to be a tree house with a little girl and a dog playing on the grass. the mother quickly, yet lightly, tapped the girl’s shoulder.

“um, hello there, honey. sorry to bother you, but, is there any way you perhaps speak korean?”

the girl’s face brightens up. adorable - the woman thinks. “yes! hello, ma’am!”

the little girl spoke in korean. “nice to meet you! my name’s y/n,” you gave your hand, “and yours?”

the mother shook her hand, “nice to meet you too, y/n! i’m hwang euna. this,” she gestured to hyunjin - who just made a face at his mother, “is sam! but you can call him hyunjin. jinnie, say hi.”

“hi.”

“hello! i’m y/n!”

why is she so smiley? hyunjin thought. no one could be that happy to be in school.

“sorry, he’s usually not this grumpy,” she nudged her son. “hyunjin, here, is a little scared-”

“i’m not scared!”

“ehem,” she coughed. “anyways, he’s new here. never been to vegas. he’s not familiar with english, as well,” she frowned. “i was wondering, maybe if he had someone to lean on and translate for him - it would help. that is, if you’re... okay with it?”

looking at the hopeful look on the elder woman’s face, you grinned. “not a problem, mrs. hwang! at least i think you’re a mrs. hwang...?”

“ah yes, of course! just call me euna.”

“okay, mrs. euna!” y/n turned to hyunjin, “i’m your new friend now, hyunjinnie!”

hyunjin’s mom grinned widely, “oh, thank you, y/n! thank you so much! you’re an angel! i promise i’ll make it up to you.”

y/n giggled, shyly. “it’s really not a need, mrs. euna. i’m just glad i have a friend now!��

first day of kindergarten, art class.

“hey, hyunjinnie?” y/n tapped the boy’s shoulder.

hyunjin grumbled. “yes?”

“um, i just wanted to let you know you can share my paint,” y/n smiled, showing her teeth, “i noticed you don’t have coloring supplies with you, so...”

hyunjin wanted to hate you. in no particular reason ever. maybe it was the way you were so nice to him, it made him doubt it’s genuine.

but as time passed by, he grew to grow fond to you. attached to you.

one day, just a few weeks before hyunjin’s flight back home, y/n came face to face with a frowning, pouty, hwang hyunjin.

“hey, hyunnie. what’s up?”

hyunjin looked at y/n with sad eyes, not answering her.

y/n, sensing hyunjin wants non verbal comfort, sits beside him on the grass. you pull out your sketch book. “here.”

hyunjin looks at the blank piece of paper y/n ripped from her sketch book. “take it.” 

“why? i have my own.”

you rolled your eyes, “just take it, dummy! i’m trying to be nice here,” you playfully frown - making hyunjin google. “okay.”

“so i do this thing,” you grabbed your colored pencils, “when i don’t know how to describe or say how i’m feeling, i draw it.”

hyunjin looks at her incredulously. “how do you draw feelings?”

“well, it’s more like, i just let my hand do it’s thing, ya know? i don’t think about it, i just do it.”

“how do you just... do it?”

“just,” y/n takes a breathe of air, “forget about life for a moment,” she closes her eyes and hyunjin looks at you. he never really realized how much you looked like an angel under the sunlight. well more like under any light.

“just scribble!” you exclaimed, causing hyunjin to snap away from his thoughts. “if you’re mad, just scratch and poke holes onto the paper! it really does help! my dad’s a therapist and he said it’s a way to calm you down,” you smile brightly.

hyunjin looked amazed. he really admired how wise you seem to be. you just get him.

and so, the two start drawing. it was peace. hyunjin greatly enjoyed the times where you two just sat down in silence, enjoying one another’s presence.

“woah, that’s beautiful, sammie!”

hyunjin looked up, seeing y/n’s wowed expression, “you’re a natural!”

he blushed, “you really think so?”

“yes, hyun! that’s the most beautiful art work i’ve ever seen in my entire 5 years of living!” 

you’re the most beautiful art work i’ve ever seen, hyunjin thinks. “thanks. you’re amazing too.”

y/n lifted a brow, “really? all i drew was a sunrise but thanks! i appreciate you!” you grin at hyunjin.

“um, y/nnie,” hyunjin started, shaking. 

“hey, hyun?” you grabbed ahold of his hands, ignoring the sweat laced on it. “you don’t have to tell me if it makes you sad,” you frown.

“no! i need you to know!” hyunjin exclaimed, tears forming in his eyes. you felt your heart break.

hyunjin gasped, “i’m going back to korea soon!”

he closed his eyes, afraid to see your reaction. when he didn’t hear a reply, he opened an eye.

all he was greeted with was a sad smile. 

it comforted him.

“oh, sam,” y/n hugged the boy. “i’m gonna miss you so much.”

hyunjin cried. he cried so hard he knew there was a wet patch on y/n’s shirt. “i’m so sorry, y/n. i’m sorry...”

you pulled away, only to grab his cheeks in your hands. “what are you sorry for, hyunnie? you did nothing wrong.”

“but i’m leaving you...”

the sad smile that graced your face broke his heart even more. he never wanted to see the cause of your smile as pain. he never wanted the cause of your pain to be him.

hyunjin cries again.

“p-please don’t forget me, y/n.”

“never, hyunjin. never.”

[ytatr]

would you be the right person?

pairing; Hyunjin x fem reader.

summary; The moment you met Hyunjin in a completely random place, what you didn't imagine was that he could make a big difference in your life in any way possible. It is that at every moment Hyunjin proved to be the right person for you.

genre; fluff, soulmates, strangers to lovers, anguish(it's light thing).

words; 2812.

a/c; (Yeah, I don't even know where to start. But I'm finally back, I'm back to shake you guys up lol, but that's literally it. I've been planning to start a series for almost a month now. I finally posted the first part, the idea of starting this was because of a thought I had in the middle of the night. I just kept thinking about it, I was dying to write something about it. I'm excited for it, just writing this first part already made me a little bit excited lol. You'll understand me... That's all I wanted to make clear, I just thank you for living the same era as Hyunjin 🥰👌🏻.

Ok, I've stopped fooling around, I hope you guys like this beginning. I swear things will only get better (hopefully). Well, when you're done reading please give me your feedback, I need to know if I'm going to continue with this. I'll thank you in advance. (If you have a suggestion, tell me, I'd love to know what you think) )

You cursed softly, trying to get past the people who occupied most of the small venue.

"Oh, excuse me. Please" You tried to speak loudly, to the girl in front of you, since the music playing in the place was extremely loud, you were going to try again. Then you saw the girl looking at you. Soon she was giving you some room to pass. You nodded your head in thanks. It was hard to walk through a place full of people, oh how you hated parties.

You left the main room trying to find a quieter place. Or rather, you were trying to find your friend, Minho.

It had been a while since he had left you there alone, the only thing he said to you at the moment was that he was going to get a drink, but he would be back soon. But it had been minutes since he had left... where was he? You thought to yourself.

You kept walking around the house still looking for a place where you feel at least "comfortable. Yeah, maybe you're sorry you ever agreed to go out with him. You swear that if regret could kill you, you'd be lying unconscious on the floor.

But Minho had a part in it, he insisted so much that you ended up going, if it wasn't for him, you surely wouldn't have set foot here. It was always like this, ever since you started your friendship with Minho, he has been dragging you to all the parties in town.

You had nothing against that, he was always trying to fit you into that vibe. But the thing is that you're not always interested in that. You would like to go out with him, but your vibe is something calmer and more peaceful.

The party was just as you imagined, drunk people, people kissing, random challenges, upbeat music. You tried to enjoy it, but no, it was just your vibe, you really preferred to stay at home, enjoying your only downtime. Watching a movie, a series, or even a dorama.

The only thing you wanted at the moment was to go home, take off the uncomfortable clothes you were wearing, take off your high heels, and lie down on your bed. You kept walking through the house, until you reached another part of the place, where you spotted a large sign written "drinks here".

You moved closer to the place, your eyes soon spotted a person with blue hair, the person was leaning on the bar counter. You wondered who it was, there was your chance to ask about Minho.

You hastened your steps, making your way over to the boy. "Hey, Jisung" You called to the boy, lightly touching his shoulder. At the same instant, he turned in the direction you were standing. He looked slightly surprised, immediately arching his eyebrow.

"Hi, Y/n. Did something happen?" Jisung asked, he tilted his head, trying to show you a slight smile.

"No, no" You immediately denied it by shaking your head. "I just wanted to ask, have you seen Minho around here?" You questioned, looking around the place again trying to find any sign of Minho.

Your gaze returned to the boy in front of you. You could clearly see Jisung's expression.

He bit his lower lip, bowing his head gently. "Look, I had seen him a few minutes ago. I think he might still be here, near the bar." He explained, using his hand, pointing to a random part of the bar.

You blinked slowly, it would be hard to find Minho at this party. He was so excited, but oh well. Now you're lost, and you really hope you find him quickly.

"Thanks, I'll look for him later. I think I'll have a drink" You pointed with your head directly at the bar, smiling softly.

"Sure, make yourself at home, we have drinks to brighten our lives a bit" Jisung laughed, running his hand through his hair.

"Well, do you want to accompany me?" You asked, still looking at the boy. You didn't even expect to do this, but somehow you wanted to keep the conversation going Or try to distract yourself.

"I really would accept, but unfortunately I can't. I have to sort some things out" Jisung said. "But if you want, then you can stop by the karaoke room afterwards. I'll be there later." Jisung explained, flashing a pleasant smile.

"Thanks, I'll see if I'll go over there later. That is if I find Minho" You smiled disguisedly, leaning on the counter. Wondering if you would actually go to karaoke, but nothing was confirmed.

As Jisung walked away, you called the bartender to order a drink. Since you were there, right. It turned out that you ordered a simple drink, a margarita. You didn't want to wake up the next day with a headache making your life hell. Not least because you had to work tomorrow.

You expected your drink to be ready quickly, you decided to take a closer look at the place, and luckily there weren't many people around. Most of the people were in the clubbing part. Scattered around the other parts of the house.

That was until his eyes stopped on a scene, or rather. On a boy, who was on the other side of the room. But it wasn't even that he caught your attention, what caught your attention was his looks, the clothes he was wearing. Especially his red hair, oh how you loved red. It could be a "simple" color. But on him, it looked so good, it was a color that stood out.

The boy's hair was close to his neck, and it was beautiful. The red was already vibrant, but it was made even more so by the contrast of the lights.

Your eyes went to the shirt he was wearing, you forced your gaze to try to read what was written. "Hotter than your ex, better than your next". Well, you certainly don't expect that. Better than your next? You don't know that for sure. But you are sure that he is hotter than your ex.

You shook your head while mentally scolding yourself. You shouldn't be thinking that about a stranger, it was something that wouldn't make sense. You had seen many people, but nothing had shaken you as much as he had.

Her eyes returned to their main focus, on the boy's face. That was until his gaze met yours, damn it. His eyes meet yours, you could see clearly. Their eyes were deep, there was a mystery in them.

You were caught looking at him, you didn't know where to put your face, how to disguise it? You felt your face turning red, you knew he might notice your nervousness. It was at the moment, he smiled at you. You expected everything but that.

When he smiled, you noticed something. There was something shining on his lower lip, was it a jewel? Or rather, a piercing. Even if you think it is unnecessary to kiss a stranger, you would definitely kiss him. No matter if it is a stranger, you would do anything to feel his lips against yours.

Just to feel the cold metal on his skin as he kissed your neck.

What the hell was happening to you?

You shivered when you felt an arm around your shoulder." Hey, kitten, were you looking for me?" Minho spoke as he smiled at you. You could tell just by his voice that he was a little altered.

"Minho..., I was worried about you" You explained, straightening your posture by turning towards the direction he was standing. Trying to smile disguisedly.

"You didn't have to stay, angel. I'm here now" Minho spoke sweetly, leaving a quiet kiss on your forehead. At the same instant he turned away from you, quickly taking your hand. Pulling you out of that place.

The sun was beating against his window curtain, but to his bad luck. You had a part of your window that was without the protection of the curtain, a small gap. It made the sunlight beat against your face. Groaning, you turn to the other side of the bed, trying to deflect the light.

You ran your hand over your eyes, opening them calmly, trying to accustom your vision against the lights that lightly illuminated your room.

The first image that comes to your eyes are of your clock hanging on your wall. You hurriedly raised your body, sitting up in bed, you were totally late for your work.

You place your hand on your forehead, remembering yesterday's moments at the party. Oh, how you regret certain things, your actions. But the image of the boy with the red hair comes to your mind. You ask yourself, who is he? What does he do with his life? Does he have someone? Is it because just the thought of this possibility makes you anxious?

You grumble, while making circular movements on your temples, trying to reduce your headache. Maybe you hate Minho, because he made you come home at two o'clock in the morning.

You walked quickly through the streets, trying to get to the flower store where you worked, arriving at the place, you pushed the door causing the store bell to ring. You walked through the small space, finding it strange how silent it was.

You stopped in front of the counter, sighing. Immediately, the smells of the flowers present there. They came to your nose, the smell soothing to you, the sweet, soft smell. Oh, how you loved flowers. You felt good, in this place. It was something you always loved.

Your attention returned to the scene, you arched an eyebrow, slightly confused, as you made your way to the back room. You approached by opening the door, soon entering the small room. It was empty, but Sana had probably been here before.

You looked around you for some paper, leaving your bag on the table next to you. Immediately your eyes identified a pink sticky paper, which was taped to the wall.

You picked up the paper right away reading what was written.

"Hey, I'm probably taking a chance, in leaving the store empty, haha. But I know when you arrive I won't be there anymore, so this is just as a warning. I went to buy a coffee, and I'll be right back." -Sana

You nodded in agreement, thinking to yourself, she was probably already on her way back to the store. The cafeteria was not far from the flower shop, it was only a matter of minutes.

You blew the coffee, that was in the cup, then brought the cup to your mouth. Taking a small amount of the liquid.

"I told you, nothing much happened at that party"

You justified yourself, superficially shaking the glass that was in your hand. Distracted by the mixed liquid.

Sana leaned on the counter" Yes, of course. I know, but now tell me. Did Minho do anything? Did he have any movement?"

" What? No, no, what are you talking about?" You questioned.

You knew exactly what she was talking about, Sana had been saying for ages that Minho was into you, but you always denied it, it was something that made no sense to you. It was just a good friendship, you would bet on it.

" Y/n, you know very well what I am talking about, he may have even made a move. But the way you are, you didn't even notice." Sana explained, moving her head negatively.

You wouldn't deny, Minho was very handsome, it was something you could easily tell. He was a lovely person, deserving of everything good. But he wasn't your type, in fact, you don't even know what your type is.

"Sana, I don't even know where you see that. Never would Minho have feelings for me" You said, as you drank some more of your coffee.

"He can feel horny, every time I am with the two of you at a party. I can tell that he always eats you by your eyes." Sana stared at you, she said this with such certainty. That's when you started to question everything.

You laughed while pretending to be convinced. "Lucky for me, I'll pretend to believe you." You said ironically.

Sana shrugged when she realized his irony. " Well, then don't tell me I didn't warn you. When he comes at you with everything..." Sana's voice was interrupted, as the sound of the bell spread through the store. Realizing the company of another person, it was a middle-aged password. You looked at Sana tilting your head slightly, as you arranged your position.

"You can take care of it for me, Please?" Sana whispered, as she gave him a smile.

" Oh, sure. No problem" You shook your head, returning a friendly smile. Sana looked up quickly, nodding to you in appreciation. Then, walking away from you, heading to the back room.

You threw your empty plastic cup into the trash next to the counter. Then you approached the lady.

" Excuse me, how can I help you?" You said quietly, with your hands behind your back.

The lady turned toward you, nodding positively. "Do you have a flower called peony? It is a pink flower. It's a very delicate flower, and beautiful." The lady described the flower, while looking at the other flowers in the store.

" I believe we do, let me see" You murmured, walking around a part of the place. In the same instant, your eyes recognized the flower. You picked up a branch of peony.

" Look here it is, ma'am" You showed the flower that was in your hand, speaking louder as you approach her.

The lady's gaze went to her hand, looking intently at the peony. "Oh, that's the flower I've been wanting. Thank you, dear" The lady hummed taking the flower, giving you a smile.

"Oh, that's nice, that's a very beautiful flower indeed..." You commented excitedly, you spoke to yourself. Since your voice was low.

" Yes, really. But, like this. Can I look at your hand? It's a quick one." The lady threw the question out of nowhere, looking at you. You could see her eyes shining.

You arched your eyebrow, slightly unsure and confused about the lady's question. But with much insistence, you ended up showing the palm of your hand.

"Of course, no problem." You showed the palm of your hand. You tried, but your voice came out shaky, what was going on? Is it because this is all so strange to you? You were curious and afraid at the same time, it was a mixture of feelings.

Even you yourself didn't understand why you had accepted so easily to show your hand. You could deny it, it was a normal thing to deny it. Exactly in these situations.

His attention returned to the moment, when the lady cleared her throat. "Oh, girl. Do you see that? You're an amazing person, you're going to have an interesting future." The lady analyzed every trace of her hand, as if she knew what she was doing.

" Can you continue?" You asked.

The lady arched her eyebrow, slightly. The expression on her face was different, you couldn't tell if it was something good or something bad.

" Hmm, there is something that is going to happen in your love life. Something that will really change your life. I can tell that's even soul mate stuff, even from past lives. But take it easy, there may be people who will try to interfere. But in the end it will all work out, love is stronger than anything. " The lady continued to spit out the words, while you were trying to process all that. It was a lot of information for one person.

" Who is he? Do I know him? " You had so many questions, for just one subject. No, you didn't really believe in such things. But still the curiosity was in you.

The lady looked pitifully at you, while denying with her head.

" I really can't speak, but I feel that you have "seen" him. He may be a stranger now, but when you see him. You'll feel like you know him. But that's because you had already met him in the past, rest assured. He is already on your path, he will arrive with everything, it is an infinite and intense love. You will feel something you've never felt before in this life. " The lady spoke, stroking your hand, trying to comfort you.

You blinked slowly, swallowing dryly. Is it because you feel emotional? Is it with longing for something you haven't even experienced yet?

Is it again, what the hell just happened?

[nightmare13]

Hwang Hyunjin

Back to: skz navigation

One shots

Used

Synopsis: Hwang Hyunjin. You despised him, to say the very least. In fact, most of your school hated him. In a place of at least 3500 perfect, rich, over-achieving students, he was among some of the only to ever go out of his way to break the rules. You, on the other hand, were the complete opposite. A perfect student among perfect students, so it was only reasonable that Hyunjin despised you just as much as you do him.

Genre: angst, fluff, (some) crack, Highschool AU, Enemies to Lovers AU, Private School AU, Rich Kid AU, Bad Boy AU, Fake-Dating AU

Word count: 12k

Bathroom boy

Genre: FLUFF FLUFF FLUUFFFF, crack.

Word count: 1182

Neverending story

Synopsis: while your memories are erased at the end of each year, Hyunjin won’t let it stop you from experiencing love.

Genre: fluff, angst, strangers to friends to lovers, slow burn, AU

Word count: 23k

Heartless

Genre: angst, fluff

Swinging From Bars

Synopsis: Hyunjin’s a shy man. He spends his days at class, his nights at the gym, and his mornings wondering why classes are so damn early in the morning. With how shy he is, his tendency to be very awkward turns him away from wanting to make new friends. With his friends scattered all over the place, Hyunjin spends most of his time on his own at the gym. Well, that is until a gymnast approaches him in the lounge room with medicine for his blisters…

Genre: Gymnast!Hyunjin | Gymnast!Reader | College AU | Slice of life | Slow burn | Fluff

Word count: 12.1k

The study of relationships.

Synopsis: college team’s volleyball captain and your roommate-cum-best friend, hwang hyunjin argues with you over guys being better than girls in relationships to help you out of one. or in which hyunjin is in love with you for years now and he finally decides that maybe he doesn’t want that best friend tag anymore.

Genre: fluff, angst | volleyball!au, f2l!au, roommates!au

Word count: 15k

Mistletoe

Synopsis: pushing your feelings for him aside, you’re determined to get hyunjin under the mistletoe with his crush. what you’re not aware of, though, is that he’s crushing on you, his long-time best friend.

Genre: fluff, best friends to lovers, high school au, mutual pining

Word count: 1857

A life with you

Synopsis: when you have doubts about your future with hyunjin, the assassin is more than happy to reassure you that all he wanted was to be with you.

Genre: assassin au, epilogue(?), inspired by @chaninfused​ “row, row, row your boat” universe

Word count: 2.8k+

Adored

Synopsis: spring is in bloom and so are feelings. because how can they not be when the boy next door and his dog, an odd but cute duo, is something you have front row seats for?

Genre: neighbor au, f2l, profanity, food, typical unrequited love between kkami & hyun, humor

Word count: 5.8k

Bad Ideas

Synopsis: When your crush, Sam Hwang, is adamant about setting you up with his twin brother, Hyunjin, you both decide to fake date. Maybe that’s a bad idea though.

Genre: Fake Dating AU, College AU, Twin AU, Fluff (and a bit of angst?)

Word count: 13.8k

Black Rose

Synopsis: what’s it like to know your soulmate is someone you hate? no one talks about those soulmates who despise each other and wish they could trade. this is that story.

Genre: figure skater!au, college!au enemies-to-lovers!au, soulmate!au; figure skater!hyunjin, figure skater!reader, angst, fluff

Word count: 21.9k

Series

Completed

Worn out jackets - part one; part two

Synopsis: When you accidentally find yourself monitoring the detention of the school’s bad-boy prince Hwang Hyunjin, it leads to a path of personal discovery that neither of you could’ve foresaw.

Genre: badboy!hyunjin x class president!reader, fluff, angst

Word count: 10k+; 10k+

Social Media AUs

Ongoing

Maybe it’s not our fault

Synopsis: After a nasty break up that left you both heartbroken, Hyunjin goes back home for the summer to get away from everything and spend some quality time with his family. When summer ends and college starts once again, you both are set on avoiding the other at all cost, almost like your relationship didn’t even exist to begin with. But what will happen when in a surprising turn of events, your best friends start dating and one of their main goals is to restore the peace among your broken relationships? Will these circumstances get you back together or put an end to everything once and for all? Or alternatively: the one where being ‘just friends’ with your ex proves to be the most difficult task of them all.

Genre: social media!au (with some written parts), college!au, angst, exes-to-lovers!au, slow burn, fluff, humor

The Thunderous Ones - Worth It

Synopsis: After the band The Thunderous Ones go viral, Hyunjin (famously known as ‘Hyune’) comes across obstacles that may question himself if it was all truly worth it. Will the overwhelming fame go to his head? Will he forget where his roots lie and who supported him through it all? Or is he willing to throw it all away? Would it all be just worth it?

Genre: Semi-Social Media!AU || Best Friends to Strangers to Lovers || Band!AU || College!AU || Non Idol!AU, Fluff, Heavy-ish Angst, Slow burn, Fanfic Series

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 13

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.

there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you.

hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.

series: star lost with you

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden (?) romance, slowburn (!), soulmate au (kind of)

word count: 39K... ( :] )

warnings: cursing, lots of angst and confrontations, drinking, jealousy, mutual pining, sexual tension, mentions of blood (minimal), mature content, forbidden romance angst, dirty talk, mentions of fingering, dom! hyunjin, edging, mentions of the word cock, references to a sex shop, phone sex..., mutual masturbation, arguments, way too much cheesy fluff, flashbacks (?)

a/n: so sorry for the delay, but so much in my life was happening, and i was finally able to put out this chapter. there’s a lot of plot developments...and i hope you like it. i loved exploring more of hyun, and i hope you love it too! didn’t sleep for five days editing this, but there still may be some stuff i missed, or overlooked. it’s almost 40,000 words so i hope you have a good time reading it <3

you can listen to my star lost playlist here! thank you @ortali for this gif<3 

masterlist

The baby blue mirror on Hyunjin’s bedroom wall did little to conceal his state of distress. 

His eyes were still puffy from last night, a striking red that couldn’t be ignored. He had always been terrible at pretending, but on a day like today, it was obvious that he hadn’t slept. 

It was obvious that he’d cried.

A cold puff of his breath coated the reflection, and he hurriedly ran a hand through his hair. A feeble attempt to somehow tame it. There was little time to spare before he had to leave, so he brushed it back, not wanting it in his face, but all that did was draw even more attention to the tiredness in his gaze. 

His hair had gotten so much longer, and he hadn’t changed it in a while, the dark from his roots already growing into light blonde. 

Surprisingly, he’d felt no desire to change it, which in itself should have been the first indication that something was wrong. He usually craved change, always wanting to explore a new side of himself. After all, adopting different personas was a defining feature of his job.

Monotony was his enemy, and he seldom gave in to it, but the past few weeks, he’d just let himself go. 

He’d let himself be tired, sad, disinterested. 

The thought disappointed him to the core.

A discarded hair tie, faded purple, lay by the countertop, and he pulled his hair up into the semblance of a bun, leaving just a few strands stray.

“Jinnie?” A voice called, and he craned his neck to see Han Jisung standing by the door.

The reflection of his friend in the mirror, a reminder of what today was about, “They’re ready for you”

Hyunjin nodded at him, puffy eyes meeting shaky ones, and then stole a last glance at himself in the mirror. 

It looked like he hadn’t slept in days, and he wished he could somehow hide his unease. The sheer fact that he was so easy to read, even just by the look on his face, was another reason why Hyunjin couldn’t keep this up any longer.

“You look good, don’t worry” Changbin hummed, bringing with his saunter a lightness that only Seo Changbin possessed. 

Hyunjin’s lips twitched up, amused that his friend was trying his best to cheer him up because he knew he looked far from good.

“I doubt that, but let’s just get it over with” He mumbled, meeting them at the door, and Jisung already had Hyunjin’s coat ready in his hands, which he appreciated. It was a muted grey, and it was a lot like how he felt at the moment.

Following them down the dim corridor, he pushed his hands deep into his pockets, guilt overwhelming him.

“Did you get any sleep?” Changbin asked.

“Yeah” He lied.

They walked on either side of him as they arrived downstairs, and Jisung pushed open the door to the street, the Seoul breeze chilling him to the bone. Hyunjin could still handle this temperature, because at least it wasn’t the middle of December. In the winter, the cold would settle deep into his bones, mixing with his melancholy and lethargy. 

He hugged himself, following absentmindedly in the footsteps of his friends as they made their way to the building.

It was a Sunday, one of the few days they didn’t need to work, but his friends were up early only because of him. He was thankful they cared, yet he couldn’t help but feel guilty. 

“You know it’s not your fault, right?” Jisung nudged him, in the middle of the crosswalk.

Hyunjin glanced at him, gaze passing over the blur of traffic behind him, “Yeah”

“Neither of us is upset about this. You have to know that”

He could see the sincerity in Jisung’s eyes as he spoke, but he couldn’t let himself believe it. How could they not be upset at him for his spontaneous decision?

“Yeah, I know” He replied.

The elevator music upstairs had never felt so tone-deaf, the cheery tunes not matching his mood.

“Just think of it like…a regular meeting” Jisung supplied helpfully, “It’ll be okay”

“Except nothing about this is regular” Hyunjin mumbled, staring at the pristine floor, “I…hate that this is happening, because of me.”

Changbin raised an eyebrow, arm reaching out to him, “People take a break from work all the time, Hyunnie. It’s nothing you should feel guilty for”

He watched the numbers in the elevator change as they got closer to their destination, and he almost wished for it to stop, so he could pretend that this wasn’t happening and could delay the inevitable.

“I’m just worried what they’ll say. It’s so…fucking self-centered” He sighed, swallowing the lump in his throat, “It almost feels like a betrayal to you guys and-”

“Jinnie. Stop” Jisung mumbled, coming to stand in front of him, “Look at me”

His head was still to the floor, ashamed of his feelings, and Jisung’s hands came up to his chin, tilting his face up.

Hyunjin leaned into the familiar, comforting touch as his eyes met his best friend. Their faces were incredibly close, and he had had the time to study his friend’s features over all the years they’d spent together. He focused on how Jisung’s hair fell into his face, eyebrows scrunched with worry. His eyes were puffy too.

It seemed like Hyunjin wasn’t the only one that had trouble sleeping last night.

“What?” He voiced, noticing the nuances of Jisung’s expression, “Do you not think it’s a stupid idea? The company is never going to buy it”

“They have to” Changbin added, from the back, “You’re…Hwang fucking Hyunjin. They would never risk losing you”

“They could just as easily replace me” Hyunjin responded, bitterly, and this was the worst possible time to be so negative, but he had to think of all the possibilities.

The possibilities that this wouldn’t work, were much higher than the chances of its success.

“Like hell they would” Jisung mumbled, “That’s virtually impossible”

“So, you’re not going to find a new best friend in the time that I’m gone?” Hyunjin asked, his attempt at a joke to alleviate the situation, and Jisung cracked a smile.

Despite his friends' reassurance, Hyunjin knew some bitterness was buried deep. 

Their group hadn’t always been popular, rising and sinking on the national music charts, and that had never bothered them, because Chan always said that their music wasn’t for the masses, and Hyunjin was fine with that. 

It wasn’t until last year that their positions on the charts had risen, and they kept growing, and soon enough, Hyunjin was passing billboards of himself every morning to work, and he was fine with that too. 

He had learnt to make the best of the situations they were in, delivering his absolute best — whether it be performing to a crowd of twenty or of twenty thousand. 

Until now.

It’s as if he’d reached his saturation point, and every little bit of passion had been sucked out of him, and he could blame the tabloids, and he could blame the sudden fame, and he could blame the billboards, but Hyunjin loved to blame himself.

His eyes darted to the elevator screen, and they were almost at their floor, where the officials would be meeting them, and where the fate of his future would be decided.

He was going to ask them to let him go on a break.

What was he doing?

This was his dream job, and he was basically giving it up just because of some sad days, and that was fucking stupid and Hyunjin may be a lot of things but he wasn’t stupid.

Being sad felt like a crime and a betrayal to his past self, who had trained so hard for him to be where he was right now — on Billboards across Seoul, a recognisable name in the households, at the top of the International charts. He was where he’d always dreamed of being, and it was a sick joke that even now, he wasn’t happy.

What would it take?

He panicked, “Is it too late to cancel the meeting? I can just..suck it up and-“

“Listen. I’m going to ask you something, and you have to be honest with me” Jisung interrupted instantly, as if Jisung had been prepared for Hyunjin to lose his shit in the middle of the elevator ride.

“Yeah?”

“Are you happy? Right now?” His voice soft, with a special care that only he held for him.

Hyunjin’s heart sank, anxiety shooting deep into his gut, because he’d expected this question, but he had no answer that would satisfy anyone.

“I don’t know” He uttered.

A noncommittal, unsatisfactory, dull answer.

Just like Hyunjin, and his grey coat.

Jisung’s mouth lifted up though, as if that’s what he’d been wanting to hear, “Then today is more important than ever”

Chan was already waiting for them on the eighteenth floor, a Starbucks cup in his hands. Hyunjin’s stomach hurt, he hadn’t eaten and could definitely use some coffee, but that wasn’t a priority right now. He could get the company coffee later, even though it didn’t have enough caffeine. 

Still, he would not complain, because today was more important than the watered down coffee at their headquarters.

Despite the circumstances, Chan’s face lit up instantly. His curls were astray, and messy, and he raised the coffee cup towards Hyunjin, “No sugar, right?” 

Hyunjin blanked, realising that he’d got it for him, “You didn’t have to do that”

The nearest Starbucks was all the way down the block, and it was always crowded on a Sunday morning, which meant Chan would have woken up extra early to get some, just for him.

“I wanted to” He smiled, handing it to him.

Hyunjin’s hands wrapped around it, basking in the warmth of it, and he looked around the empty foyer, “Are they already here?”

“Almost”

Making his way inside the room, he felt silly seeing the large conference table. 

This was far too much, for just him. 

He sat down on an arbitrary chair, deliberately away from the floor-to-ceiling window, away from the city view. He didn’t want to see the towering skyscrapers through the glass, and feel even smaller than he already did at the moment. 

The seating was hardly comfortable, metal digging into his spine, and Hyunjin squeezed the cup in his hands, gut hurting, in bouts of pain.

Despite having been a music group for almost three years, they’d hardly ever used this conference room for any meetings. He preferred the workrooms on the floor below, where everything was more casual and where being an idol didn’t feel like a horrendous nine-to-five job.

The unfamiliarity of this room didn’t help his apprehension.

Jisung, and Changbin were engaged in conversation, sat opposite him, but they didn’t address him, probably because they knew he wasn’t in the frame of mind to talk. 

His eyes met Chan’s, who even midst conversation, kept looking at him, checking on him, and Hyunjin felt like a child that had to be taken care of.

Still, the eye contact with Chan was the only thing keeping him calm, bringing a faint red to Hyunjin’s cheeks. Last night had definitely been a first, and he could still feel the memory of Chan’s fingertips wiping away the tears from his face, in the middle of their recording studio.

He hadn’t realised what had happened, but he had broken down, as the string had finally snapped. 

And that’s when Chan had told him that he needed to go home. 

To Daejon.

That’s why they were all gathered here today, in Conference Room 3, because unlike most people, Hyunjin couldn’t just up and leave. 

He needed…permission, and he dreaded the upcoming conversation.

The door creaked loudly, and all eyes turned to the front. 

Kim Soohyun walked in, a higher-up of the company that they’d never really directly interacted with, followed by their manager, Eunwoo, and Hyunjin immediately noticed that both of them were dressed so simply. 

He’d never seen Kim Soohyun in anything except a three-piece blazer, a tie, and dress shoes. Today, Kim Soohyun wore a hoodie, sweatpants, and slippers. 

A part of him wondered if this was because he didn’t take today seriously — if he felt that he had more pressing matters than this. 

Was Hyunjin not important enough for a three-piece blazer occasion?

Chan smiled at them, always too nice, too cordial, “Thank you for coming, I know it’s really short notice but-”

“I have another artist meeting right after this, so I hope we can wrap this up before that” Soohyun interrupted, grabbing the seat at the head of the table. 

Hyunjin’s grip on his cup tightened, and he closed his eyes, trying not to let this get to him.

Eunwoo took the seat right opposite him, a file in his hands, and a singular ballpoint pen.

“Right. Of course” Chan smiled back, far too nice yet again.

Then he began speaking, and it felt like a pitch meeting as their managers sat across them, blank faces, and listened to episodes of Hyunjin’s depression and all of the times he’d been too anxious to work.

Hyunjin stared at the cup, embarrassed and guilty. 

He had wanted to be the one to speak up for himself, but it was always Chan that led the conversations, as the oldest.

He fiddled with the cup, trying to find comfort in the texture, until Kim Soohyun’s sudden laughter made him look up.

Nothing Chan said had been funny.

“You’re joking, right?” Soohyun was saying, looking right at Chan.

Chan’s eyes were wide, but he maintained his composure, “No, I’m really not. We’ve all already talked about this, and how it’ll work-“

Soohyun sat up straight, “That’s wonderful that you’ve talked it over, but the decision doesn’t lie with you. It lies with the company”

“I understand and I respect that, which is why we wanted to talk to you about it-”

“Every artist has some problems, this line of work is temperamental and you all of people know that, Chan. Imagine if we started doing this for everyone who’s had a bad day, the industry would be a fucking mess right now”

“It’s not just a bad day. Hyunjin isn’t in the frame of mind to work right now, and he hasn’t been for a while, and it would be detrimental to keep him here, when it’ll just exhaust him further”

“And I’m sorry that Hyunjin’s having a bad week, but do you not see how bad this will look? It’s worse than a scandal if an artist willingly takes a break, for god knows how long. We have the album upcoming, this isn’t the time to go on a fucking vacation for self-care”

“It’s not a vacation” Jisung spoke, “He’s just going home”

“Yeah, which happens to be some tourist town by the hills? I’m not stupid”

Changbin’s eyes narrowed, “He hasn’t been home for years, none of us have got the chance. I think it’s really important we let this happen” 

“Of course you would think that, because all you think about is the four of you” Soohyun spoke, “You know what I have to think about? The sales, the charts, the company that pays you, the fans. Did you conveniently forget about them?”

It was all boiling up again, and Hyunjin would snap.

Changbin frowned, “Of course not, but the fans would understand, they care about-”

“We don’t need to do this” Hyunjin interrupted, and his friends eyes darted to him, “I’m sorry. I understand that it’s tough, and-”

Soohyun glanced at him, his gaze burning through Hyunjin, “It isn’t tough, it’s impossible. You can’t go on an indefinite break when all eyes are on you, and not when so much is at stake. You’re a lot of things, Hyunjin but I know that you’re not selfish”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened at the term.

Chan interrupted immediately, cutting in, “Of course Hyunjin isn’t selfish. It wasn’t even his decision, but it’s what he needs. He needs time off. That’s all we’re asking for”

Soohyun leaned forward, folding his hands on the table, “You’re asking for the most revenue-making member of the group to be put on a hiatus. That’s absolutely insane”

Hyunjin wanted to throw up.

Chan didn’t let that throw him off, “The three of us have enough projects to carry for the next few months. Jisung has his mixtape, and we don’t need Hyunjin here for that. There’s no point when he’s not going to be able to work”

“So what, you want to leave the group?”

Silence followed, and Hyunjin realised he’d been asked the question.

A deep fear sank into his veins.

This is what his nightmares were made of.

“No, of course not. I just…”

“You just what?”

He took a deep breath, to calm himself, “I haven’t been…feeling my best. I don’t think I can perform well right now, and I would rather give my hundred percent than-”

“How is going home going to help you?”

Hyunjin’s gaze darted to Chan, who looked just ready to jump into the shark tank for him again. 

He was always like that, ready to fight for him, and he could see that even now in his posture. 

Chan was standing straight, defensively, prepared to jump in any time Hyunjin needed his help.

But he had done more than enough so he spoke for himself, honestly, “I don’t know if it well”

Soohyun’s eyebrows shot up, a bitter chuckle escaping as he mocked the same words, “You don't know? We’re not putting you on a break, banking on a maybe”

Clearly, Kim Soohyun did not value honesty.

Hyunjin’s voice was still soft, but determined because he hated conflict and everything about this situation screamed uncomfortable, “I know, but…I think it’ll help. I just need some time to myself”

“Then take a weekend off. What you’re asking for is huge. Do you not realise that? When you signed on this job, you needed to know that your actions are accountable to so many people”

Hyunjin’s calm façade was quickly crumbling, “I understand, and I’m really sorry to ask this of you-”

“You don’t have to be sorry” Eunwoo interrupted, and Hyunjin’s gaze darted to him. 

He’d almost forgot he was in the room. 

Eunwoo was one of the few people that he really liked at the company. 

He had always cared for him since their early days, and Hyunjin hoped he didn’t think of him as selfish too, for asking such a big favour.

He adjusted his glasses, leaned forward, continuing, “If you’re not feeling up to the task, we can’t force you to be here”

Soohyun let out an exasperated sigh, “We can actually. That’s why the artist contract exists. So people like him can’t just abandon the job whenever they feel like it”

Hyunjin tried not to let that get to him, although the words shot to his heart.

Eunwoo turned to their superior, “With all due respect, Soohyun, the artist contract also promises that the company take care of them, physically, and mentally. If Hyunjin feels that he can’t perform, it’s up to us to back him, not force him into a corner”

The room was silent, as they stared at each other. 

Eunwoo supported him, but it wasn’t up to him.

Hyunjin’s resolve was breaking, and patience thinning.

This was all because of him, and he couldn’t help but feel like he was throwing a tantrum, when he was instead supposed to be professional, and suck it all up.

Chan had told him to go home, but what if that didn’t help?

He held his breath, as Soohyun’s eyes searched his, “If something as crazy as this even gets approved, how long will the break be?”

“A few months, that’s all” He responded.

Soohyun laughed, “Even a week is a long time, you know that right, kid?”

Hyunjin nodded, shame creeping up on him, “I’m aware”

Jisung spoke up, “This is what’s better for the group, in the long term, and we’re all in collective agreement on that”

Soohyun glanced at Jisung, distaste in his gaze, “Just because you’re popular at the company now, doesn’t mean you can come running in asking for such demands. You know that?”

Jisung nodded, “Yeah. We understand”

“I hope you know that if you go home, your coming back will depend a lot on the public opinion” Soohyun added, casually.

“What do you mean?” Hyunjin asked, fear sinking in.

Soohyun leaned forward, hands folded, “It means that…if the company, and the fans think the group works better without you, you may never have to come back, so you can keep living in that small town you miss so much, Hyunjin”

“What?” Jisung exclaimed, ��That’s insane. Hyunjin didn’t do anything wrong-”

“It’s in the contract, if you’ve read it” Soohyun mumbled.

“That’s never going to happen. They love him” Chan said, pissed that this was even being brought up.

“If you’re confident of that, then there shouldn’t be a problem” Soohyun spoke. 

His friends glanced at him, and Hyunjin nodded.

He was putting his entire life on the line, just for some mental peace.

“How is it going to work?” Changbin asked.

Eunwoo was making notes in the file he always carried, “If it gets approved, we announce that he’s on a break, only after Hyunjin’s departure though, we can’t have them following him home, or anything. It’ll only work if we protect his privacy”

“Okay” Chan nodded.

“When you’re there, try not to engage in anything that could get you into trouble. Most people wouldn’t have an idea that you’re there. Daejon is an extremely small town so the press shouldn’t be a problem, but you have to be careful still” Eunwoo explained, and then began listing every technicality and detail he had to be aware of while he was away.

Hyunjin listened, a mental checklist of every rule he’d grown accustomed to, but had to be even more careful of now. 

“Just …try not to get into any trouble” 

“Of course” Hyunjin spoke, looking between them, hope lacing his tone, “So does this mean…?”

Soohyun stared at him, eyes boring into his, studying every bit of him, as if he was breaking down every intricacy, and insecurity.

Finally, he nodded, “We’ll need you back before fall. Don’t do anything stupid” 

The weight on Hyunjin’s chest was lifted.

They’d let him go home.

»»————-

The little art shop on Nangye-ro street was his favorite place in town.

He was sure of it, even though Hyunjin had only been back for a few weeks now, and perhaps it was far too early to pick a spot just yet. 

He hadn’t even allowed himself to explore yet — to reacquaint himself with what used to be his home, but maybe some things didn’t need time to fall in love with. 

The art supply store had been so well-hid between all the overgrown vines, and the street food stalls, that he might have missed it if he hadn’t known what to look for. But right now, the food shops had closed up, shutters pulled down and the only light on the street was from Aera’s.

When he made his way over to the store, for the fifth time that week, he couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed. The pastel decor, and the window displays tempted him, as it would to anyone who loved charming things. 

It’s not like there were no art shops in Seoul, but something about this one was different. 

For some reason, unfathomable to him, he knew this art shop was like none other. 

It made his head fuzzy and his stomach turn, and maybe that was all of the toxic paint, or maybe Aera’s was magical. 

It was silly to assign all of this meaning to just a brick-and-mortar, but some places were cosmically special, and the art shop on Nangye-ro street felt like one of them.

Despite the fact that Hyunjin came here so often, he wasn’t supposed to be here right now, and he wasn’t supposed to be here today. 

Jisung had called him earlier, and if anyone could convince Hyunjin to do something, it was his best friend. 

His voice was loud on the other end when Hyunjin picked up, pulling him out of his sleepy daze and making him sit in bed. 

He was still getting used to this — to talking to his best friend through a phone instead of just walking into the next room of his dorm.

At moments like this, he hated the distance between them, and he hated the fact that he’d so spontaneously decided to leave Seoul.

“It’s been what…three weeks since you went back?” Jisung asked him, and Hyunjin could imagine him pursing his lips, as he always did with that tone of voice. 

A rhetorical question.

Jisung knew exactly how much time had passed since Hyunjin went back.

Sixteen days, 5 hours and 42 minutes to be precise since his best friend got on a plane to fly back to his tiny hometown in the middle of what he believed was fucking nowhere.

“Yeah” Hyunjin nodded, fingers fumbling with the buttons of his shirt as he stared out his bedroom window.

Jisung hummed, “And you’re sleeping at…nine pm?”

A small chuckle escaped him, at his friend’s concern, “I was tired, Han”

“From doing absolutely nothing all day” Jisung complained, as if that’s what he’d been building the entire conversation up to, “I can’t believe you went back to Daejon and became a fifty-year-old man”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, swiftly lifting himself out of bed, balancing the phone between his shoulder and ear, “I can see your concerns, but…I’m fine, Jisung”

“Well, I’m not fine with you wasting away your youth in your aunt’s home” Jisung retorted.

“My youth?” Hyunjin laughed, as he looked out the blinds, pulling them down to peek at the empty streets, “I came home to relax, that’s…kind of exactly what I’m doing”

And then Jisung said something that would change everything.

The one sentence that changed how Hyunjin thought his summer would go, despite the simplicity of it, but it was probably what every little thing could be traced back to. 

“You really need to get out more, Hwang” 

Han Jisung and Hwang Hyunjin had known each other a long time, and one of the reasons they’d stayed friends, apart from the literal legal contract binding them to be bandmates, was the fact that they both liked to stay in.

So, to hear that on the phone, he couldn’t imagine how miserable he would have seemed for Jisung, of all people, to beg Hyunjin to get out more.

He sighed, puff of breath hitting the frosted window, “And go where, Han?”

“I don’t know. For a walk in the park or something. Isn’t that why you went back? To touch some grass?”

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, used to his friend’s teasing, “Shut up, Ji. There are parks in Seoul”

“You know what else is in Seoul?”

“What?”

“Me…and the best Jajangmyeon shop near the company building” Jisung mumbled.

Hyunjin laughed, “It’s been three weeks and you’re already bribing me to come back, after you convinced me to go home? You’re so weak, Han Jisung”

“Well, it’s not my fault that I fucking miss you, Hyunjin” Jisung sighed, “Chan has been so busy, with all of the solo work he’s doing, and Changbin…does not get out of the gym. Safe to say, we’re all depressed that you’re not here, which would be absolutely fine if you weren’t depressed too. If you were out there, getting drunk, painting cool shit and kissing cute girls, then I wouldn’t even mind the fact that my best friend is a thousand miles away….except you’re just in bed. So what is all our misery for?”

A smile made it’s way onto Hyunjin’s lips, at the dramatics, and he hummed, “I miss you too, Jisung”

Han sighed, “Are you okay?”

“I just don’t feel like going anywhere” He then took a deep breath, finding a seat by the window, “I…honestly, I don’t even know why I came back. I thought it would help, but I’m just by myself and I miss you guys. Maybe this was a bad idea”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa” Jisung interrupted, “Don’t say that. It’s hardly been a month, Hyunnie. Don’t your art classes start soon?”

Hyunjin nodded, “They do. This weekend…I’m just nervous”

He felt a bit silly now for signing up for every weekend class. 

It required a lot of time, and a lot of money and commitment, but Hyunjin had never had this kind of time before, amid all his training, and recording schedules. So, when he finally went on this much awaited break, he went a little insane, and registered for every class he could.

When he’d met Kim Seungmin, the mastermind behind the art classes, he’d felt a little better, knowing that maybe this was exactly what he needed, to be happy.

“Mmh. I know that”

Hyunjin bit his lip, dreading the upcoming weekend, “You do?”

Despite everything, he was cherishing his newfound freedom. 

The chance to live another life, an alternate one, from the one he pursued in the city. He’d always wanted to study art. He would have preferred attending an art school, learning it the traditional way but this had to be good enough.

“Yeah, but you’re gonna be great, you know? And the people are going to love you”

He laughed, stretching his legs out on the futon, “I didn’t come here to make people fall in love with me”

Jisung tsked, “I assume that’s quite impossible, Hyunjin. Whether you want it or not”

“Is there a point you’re trying to make?”

“Mmh, just saying. You don’t let anything happen in Seoul, maybe it’s time you did in Daejon. You should meet people” Jisung told him.

He shrugged, “I have you guys for everything. I don’t need anyone else”

“As much as I love that sentiment, I’m not gonna make out with you when you're horny, okay?”

Hyunjin closed his eyes, “Jisung…”

“What, baby?”

“I’m starting to think there’s no point to this conversation”

Jisung laughed, “All right, sorry. The point is, you need to do something fun, something a hot boy in his twenties would do”

Hyunjin fiddled with the fabric of the futon, picking it apart with his nails, an unprecedented restlessness overtaking him.

“I was actually invited…to a party tonight, at a lake house”

“A lake house? Shit, is everyone in Daejon like super fucking rich or something?”

Hyunjin laughed, “I don’t even really know the guy. Someone called Choi San, but yeah apparently he throws a lot of parties”

Jisung frowned, “But you’re not going?”

“I mean. I don’t know anyone here… except Seungmin but I doubt someone like Kim Seungmin will go to a party like this”

“You never know. It could be cool, Hyunjin. A small town rich-boy party. Maybe it’ll inspire you, you know?”

Hyunjin laughed, “Honestly, I could do with some inspiration. The reason I fell asleep is because I had no fucking idea what to do. I stared at my canvas for an hour, and came up with…absolutely nothing. I have so much time here and nothing to show for it”

“You, of all people, know that inspiration can’t be coerced. You can’t force that shit”

He closed his eyes, savouring in the warmth of his pillow, the serenity of the little room and his best friend’s care, “I’m forcing myself because…it’s the only thing that makes me happy right now, Jisung”

Jisung was quiet on the other end, as if pondering what he could say.

“I’m sure you have a lot of space back there, compared to our dorm. That must help, right? God, I remember you had all your art shit in the box under your bed. I’m impressed you kept up with that hobby, despite how tough it was”

Hyunjin laughed, “You’re right. It’s kind of crazy that I have the whole house to myself here, I have more space than I know what to do with”

“Man, I’d kill for that space. Do you wanna know where I found my shoes this morning?”

Hyunjin laughed, “Where?”

“Under the fucking kitchen sink!” Jisung exclaimed, “I mean, that’s the only place in the dorm that still has space”

Hyunjin giggled, perfectly imagining the situation at home. 

“That’s the thing about the city” Hyunjin drawled, “We’re all just living on top of everyone”

“You’re right”

“Over here…there’s so much emptiness. No looming skyscrapers or huge billboards, it’s so pretty Han. Like, there’s a creek that goes right by my house, and when I’m walking Kkami out, I can hear the water. It’s subtle but always there, like this constant trickling. There’s an ice pop shop I saw the other day, and my first response was to ignore it, because I’m so used to wanting to stay in shape, but then I realised, I can eat an ice pop and nobody will care. Hell, I could inhale ten of them, and nobody would say anything”

“Please don’t inhale ten ice pops” Jisung hummed.

“And it’s kind of insane that I can walk about without fear of being recognised. It’s also telling about the people of Daejon and their lack of pop culture knowledge, but honestly who am I to complain? I absolutely love the anonymity. I can literally go anywhere, at any point of the day. I could like…walk into an actual sex shop, and nobody would bat an eye. Although, I doubt Daejon has a sex shop. I…you know what I mean, right?”

Jisung was smiling, quiet on the other end as he heard Hyunjin unknowingly ramble, “That sounds beautiful, Jinnie”

Hyunjin hadn’t realised, but a calmness had crept up, the longer he talked to Jisung, and now he just felt inspired, thinking of the beauty of the place he lived in.

He sat up straight, a newfound fervour making its way through his veins, “Fuck, you know what? I…have an idea”

“What?”

He glanced at the little watch that lay by his bed, “I don’t have time to explain, the art shop will close. I…wanna get some stuff before it does. I’ll call you back as soon as I’m free, okay Jisung?”

Before Jisung could reply, Hyunjin hurriedly hung up, shoving his phone into his pocket. 

Talking to his best friend certainly had helped, and now he couldn’t help but feel inspired to paint exactly what he’d talked about. 

The overwhelmingly, but achingly empty beauty of Daejon. 

Hyunjin had never realised he could appreciate emptiness so much. 

It was crazy to glance out his window, and instead of an endless humming of people, or the buzz of traffic, to just see a lone street. Something like that was unimaginable in the city, where there was never a quiet moment.

He tugged the cardigan tighter around himself, hoping the art shop on Nangye-ro street was still somehow open. 

That conversation led him here, ten minutes before closing, hoping the employee would be nice enough to let him stay.

Aera’s.

As he pushed the door open to step in, he noticed the absence of the familiar twinkling sound. The bell must be broken.

It was strange to be here this late. 

Aera’s was usually flooded with sunlight, warming up the wooden floor to the edge of the little shop, but right now, the lights were dim, and it seemed abandoned. 

He preferred it this way, with no people around. 

He paused in his tracks.

The paint colours on the shelf had been rearranged.

The purple cans now lined up before the blue, blending so seamlessly and so beautifully that he almost forgot why he was here, as he got lost in appreciating the change.

Someone rearranged them, and it couldn’t have been Mina.

Whoever did had an eye for detail and beauty, two of Hyunjin’s favourite things.

The cash counter was empty too, and for a split second, Hyunjin wondered if the shop was abandoned and if he’d accidentally broken in.

Eunwoo’s words about not getting into trouble rang through his head.

Clearing his throat, he looked around, “Is someone there?”

The sound of paintbrushes dropping to the floor made him jump.

Someone was here, and he’d just startled them. 

Stepping around the canvas shelf, he was ready to apologise to Mina, the one art store employee he’d come to see and know over the past few weeks, but found no-one. 

“Hello?” Hyunjin asked, voice softer now, because he didn’t want to scare the person any more than he already had.

“Be right there!” A voice that definitely did not belong to Mina responded, and he stilled in his tracks. 

If Mina wasn’t working tonight…then it meant he’d just startled a complete stranger.

He felt the need to justify himself, feeling more embarrassed by the second, “I know it’s almost closing time, but do you think I could take a look around for a minute?”

“Honestly, I was just about to leave, so maybe you can come around tomorrow” The voice that responded to him was…much younger, softer, and super pissed at him.

“I’m sorry. It’ll just take a minute” He apologised, already regretting this entire endeavour.

It was too late, and he shouldn’t have come here. 

No sane person made near-midnight runs to shops like this.

Footsteps neared, and someone stepped out from the corner shelf, behind the array of paint cans and brushes.

Almost instantly, all of his regret faded away.

It was the night he met you.

“Hey...” You had said, stepping closer, unsure in your stance, fingers gripping paintbrushes.

Hyunjin realised he still had the mask on. It wasn’t necessary, so he pulled it down, fingers pinching the fabric to drop the face-mask to his chin, so you could look at him, and it was stupid because he was compromising his identity but he couldn’t help it.

He wanted you to see him, just as much as he was seeing you right now.

Your eyes widened, a strange expression passing over your features, and you were staring right at him, and he usually hated that, but right now... maybe he didn’t mind it all that much.

Hyunjin had been parading around town in inconspicuous clothes, and a bucket hat, because even though Eunwoo said he wouldn’t be recognised, he didn’t have the energy to deal with the off-chance that someone might just know him.

Right now, he wondered if you did.

The last time he saw you a few days ago, he’d almost dropped your coffee on you.

It was only right to apologise. 

“Um, I’m sorry about the other night” He said, and then clarified “For almost making you spill your coffee. I was in a hurry and I…didn’t see you”

His palms were clammy, and it must be the weather, because there’s no way Hyunjin was actually nervous, right?

He flushed, burning up under your scrutinising and curious gaze, but Hyunjin was just as curious as you, if not more.

“It’s fine” You mumbled, crossing your arms, bringing his attention to the name tag on your chest again.

Y/N.

You were staring expectantly at him, so he had to speak because if he didn’t talk, the two of you would just keep staring at each other the rest of the night, and it was fucking weird how he didn't despise the idea.

“I know it’s late, but I just needed to get something, and I realise it’s almost closing but I just had this spark of inspiration and it’s not an ideal time but…I’m really sorry, I can leave if you want-”

“-No” You interrupted, immediately, “You can... stay” 

His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

Your reply had been far too quick, and Hyunjin couldn’t help but fight the smile that made its way onto his face.

»»————-

He’d fucking forgotten the watercolors.

That was the only thing Hyunjin could think of — wondering how he could be so stupid as to forget the one thing he actually went to the shop for. 

He stood in the middle of the cobblestone street, peering into the little bag that had Aera’s printed on the side, the street lantern's light just enough to see what was inside.

A canvas and a pencil. Why the fuck was that the only thing he’d bought? The combination didn’t even make any sense, and perhaps he wasn’t thinking all that straight. 

His plans to paint away into the morning hours seemed even less and less possible by the minute, since he didn’t have enough of the supplies he needed.

So, he stood still, debating whether he turn back around now, or… accept his failure, and head home. 

He had to make a decision, soon, because the shop was almost closed, and then Hyunjin wondered whether you’d be mad at him for showing up again. You had already done him a favour by keeping it open and you probably already thought he was stupid became who comes late into a shop for two items that were incompatible with each other?

From the looks of it, you’d had a long day, and customer service jobs were hard, and Hyunjin didn’t want to make it any harder for you. After all, it was late, and you must have places to be, right?

Curiosity brimmed at him though, because how had he come to the shop a million times this month, and somehow managed to miss meeting you each time?

Each time he went, he met Mina, and her bright green hair, her charming smile, and her incessantly flirty and invasive questions.

But not you.

If he went back now, perhaps he could ask you why, and know what shifts you had, and then…maybe Hyunjin would make a point to only shop for art on the days that you were there.

The bizarreness of this train of thought caught him off guard.

Why did he care about that?

Why had he told you, a stranger, that he liked the paint cans this certain way?

It was unwarranted for, and you never even asked for his opinion…but the surprise on your face made him feel like perhaps you valued it.

It was the final push he needed, to turn around and head back to the shop.

Jisung had told him to get out of the house, and that’s exactly what he was doing. 

Hyunjin took quick footsteps, abandoning all poise and grace, as he rushed back to Aera’s, before it could close, the dim light from the lanterns guiding him across the abandoned Daejon alleyways.

Just get the watercolors, and then get out. 

It couldn’t be all that hard, but he was uncharacteristically nervous, palms clammy as the thin strap of the bag kept slipping.

The telltale sign of a shutter made him stop in his tracks, and he’d only made it to the crêpes stall, just meters away from the entrance to Aera’s.

It was too late.

You’d closed the shop up.

One day Hyunjin could convince himself that it was the watercolors he really went back for instead of you. 

He was fooling no one though.

He shut his eyes, taking a deep breath as to not count tonight as a complete failure. 

So much for Jisung’s advice.

But it was late in the night, and you’d be walking home alone.

Was that even safe?

He hadn’t lived in Daejon for years, and there was no way of knowing how safe the town was these days; it was dark out…he should offer to walk you home.

No, that was fucking creepy. 

You were strangers. 

But what if something happened to you?

His resolve crumbled, and he turned the corner, eyes landing on you.

You stood at the shop's steps, hands full of a little wooden crate — watercolors, and art supplies peeking out from above the lid. You were struggling to balance the crate in one hand and to twist the key into the lock with your other.

He should help, but then why was he frozen in place?

He could help you out, and then he wouldn’t feel like such a freak, and maybe you’d be kind enough to lend him the watercolors, so he could finally go home and paint. 

That’s all he was here to do - to paint.

A voice, one which he didn’t recognize, snapped him out of this overthinking, “You know, it’s a miracle how you manage this every single night”

In the shadows between the street lanterns, Hyunjin could now see a boy standing before you.

Dressed in a winter coat, a beanie pulled over his head, the boy was…unlike anyone he’d ever seen, as if he stepped right out of a film. That boy was staring up at you, his hands comfortably tucked into his coat pocket, freckles dotting the bridge of his nose.

You turned around, a subtle scowl on your features, “You could help me instead of being a smartass, you know?”

“What’s the fun in that?” He frowned.

“Yongbok…” You sighed, balancing the crate against your stomach, “I can’t do this myself”

So his name was Yongbok.

“Say please, baby” He sang.

Hyunjin realised how strange this was, watching an exchange between two remote strangers take place but he couldn’t help but overhear, curiosity at the relationship brimming. 

You and the boy were staring at each other, a comfortable silence in lieu of the teasing.

“Please, Yongbok?” You finally spoke, voice cracking just slightly under the effort.

The boy laughed in response. 

He reached up to easily carry the crate from you, leaning into your face, “Wasn’t that hard, was it?”

“You’re an asshole” You mumbled, but you were smiling.

“Correction, I’m an angel” He hummed, “Now lock up, I can’t believe I left the comfort of my bed for this”

You rolled your eyes, turning back to the shutter, successfully twisting both locks on the grill.

“Nobody asked you to come here, Lix”

“You were crying about how lonely you were at the shop, so I obviously had to come”

You frowned at him, walking down the little stairs to come eye-level, “I never said I was lonely”

The boy grinned back at you, one hand holding the crate, and the other pushing your stray hair out of your face, “You’re at an empty art shop by yourself on a Friday night. Yeah, I’d say you’re pretty fucking lonely, Y/N”

You stared up at the boy, “You’re going to have to get more creative with your insults, Lix”

“You’re lucky I love you” He hummed, pulling you in closer, erasing virtually all distance.

Hyunjin turned away immediately — not wanting to see a potential kiss, realising he had already overstepped his boundaries by being here. The window of opportunity had closed anyway, and there was no way he could go and ask you to open the shop up again, just for him.

It was just watercolors, but his gut hurt as he walked away, unfamiliar anxiety creeping up, and his heart was beating faster than it should.

Maybe he was getting sick.

Must be the Daejon air.

His phone buzzed in his right pocket, and he picked up without checking the caller ID, wanting a reason to distract himself from the conversation he had overhead. 

He couldn’t pinpoint why he was so uncomfortable.

“Did you get the stuff you needed?” Jisung asked, chirpy on the other end. 

“Not really” He replied, not being able to match his friend’s energy.

“Oh. Maybe you can get it tomorrow”

“Yeah” Hyunjin replied, adjusting the bucket hat over his eyes, dipping his head low, as he walked the familiar route back home. 

“Do you think it was a stupid decision, Jisung?”

He laughed, “What? Going to the shop at ten?”

Hyunjin stared at the cobblestones, “No…coming home”

Han’s voice raised to a pitch, “What? Why would you think that way, Jinnie? I thought we already talked about this” 

He shook his head, “I don’t feel that way, calm down. I’m just thinking out loud…I don’t regret coming back, but I keep wondering if it’s worth all the trouble. I’m not worth all this trouble”

“Jinnie...where is this coming from?”

Even Hyunjin didn’t know the answer that, because ten minutes ago he was inspired and on top of the world, and now he felt like rock bottom.

The only thing that happened between those ten minutes was seeing you and your boyfriend, Yongbok together but Hyunjin didn’t know either of you, so that wasn’t a real reason.

“If I’m not missed in my absence, Soohyun said that…it’s possible I never go back. At the end of this, I could lose everything, and end up with absolutely nothing. What would it even be for?”

“Hyun-”

But he kept ranting, every insecurity slipping to the surface, “Maybe Soohyun was right and it is stupid to drop everything and come back. He’s older than us anyway, even if he’s an asshole. What difference are a few months going to make? I’m more alone than ever. I don’t know anybody in the town, and I don’t-”

“You can always get to know people, Hyunjin”

He focused on the sound of the stream by his house, “I don’t want to get in the way of anybody. They have existing lives…and I’m an outsider”

He couldn’t understand why he was so negative all of a sudden, and why he felt hopeless.

“You’re not an outsider. That’s literally your hometown, Hyunjin”

“I haven’t been here in years. It feels like I’m intruding, and the people…”

“Did you meet someone or something? What happened? You were so excited just now”

“No. I didn’t meet anyone” Hyunjin closed his eyes, pausing in the middle of the street to take a breath, “I…didn’t get the watercolors”

“The shop was closed?”

“Yeah” Hyunjin swallowed, pushing his hand into his pocket.

The world was crumbling around him, and he was scared, and why did he want to cry?

“Anybody in Daejon would be lucky to know you, and not just because you’re some famous dude. Like you said, most people there may not even know who you are. Isn’t that good? It’ll be like the alternate life you always wanted. One where you don’t have to worry about cameras, and looking good all the time, or overworking yourself and being perfect. Hyunjin, you’re…living a dream, one I wish I could, and I know it’s just the beginning, but it’ll get better…you’ll find something worth being home for”

He stared at the floor, nodding, “You’re right”

“Don’t overthink it, just take my advice okay?”

“And what is your advice?”

“The next time someone tries to talk to you, give them a chance. Don’t walk away or shut it down before it even starts. You never know what you could find. Just…don’t get a new best friend or anything okay? I’ll be jealous and terrible at pretending I’m not”

Hyunjin laughed, a single tear escaping his eye, the build-up of all emotions, “All right”

“Are you home?”

He’d taken the longer route home, and he realised the local 7/11 was in front of him, “Not yet”

It was late into the night, but the supermarket was thriving — automatic doors opening every few seconds as people made their way in and out. He recognised the pop song playing in the shop, the tune filtering out onto the streets. 

The thrum of life was the closest thing to Seoul here, and the craving for familiarity made him step inside.

“I’ll call you back, Jisung” He spoke into the phone, grabbing a yellow cart with his other hand. 

He didn’t need anything specific, but it would be nice to exist here, among other people. He had already gotten tired of the loneliness of his room. His emotions were giving him whiplash.

Pushing the cart along the aisles, he headed straight for the ice cream section.

It was a miracle how nobody in the store even glanced twice at him.

Leaning forward on the cart, he pushed it with his forearms, carefully navigating through the people.

This was the first time in years that he could do whatever he wanted, and he could be a little reckless, and splurge on some Ben and Jerry’s. His diet in the city would have never allowed for this behaviour, but this was not the city, and so Hyunjin placed three tubs of ice-cream into his cart.

He hummed along to the song playing, mouthing the words as he added a packet of croissants into his cart. These would be great with his morning Americano.

A tap on his shoulder brought him out of this comfortable daze, and he turned around.

Blonde hair pulled up into two space buns, a girl was looking up at him, dressed fancy, like she was going to a party, and not a 7/11.

A wave of panic rushed through him. Did she recognise him? 

He raised an eyebrow, curious why she’d get his attention, “Yes?”

“Excuse me” She bit her lip, bright eyes, “Could you…help me with that?

Hyunjin’s gaze followed hers, to a roll of bread at the very top of the shelf, and he was relieved to know that she had no idea who he was. She was just asking him for help as a stranger, and the thought calmed him down.

He smiled, “Sure, of course”

Leaning up on his toes, he stretched to retrieve the bread, before handing it to her. 

Her hand lingered against his for a few seconds longer, and she smiled, “Thank you”

“Of course” Hyunjin leaned on his cart, eyes fixating on the glitter on her eyelids.

“No, really. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. You…saved my life”

Hyunjin laughed, her gratitude catching him off-guard, “Sure. That loaf of bread does seem vital”

The girl giggled, extending her free hand forward, “You’re funny. I’m Hana”

“Hana?”

“Mmh” 

“I’m Hyunjin” He smiled, meeting her hand for an awkward handshake in the middle of the bread aisle.

“Hyunjin” The girl repeated, “That’s a nice name”

“Thank you” He laughed, “I mean, you should thank my parents for that”

She stepped closer, eyes crinkling, “This is going to sound crazy, but…have you gone to Sunset Bowl yet?”

He tilt his head, confused at the randomness of the question, “Not really, no”

“Oh, I was planning to go bowling with my friends tomorrow night. Do you wanna come?”

His eyes widened, and he certainly hadn’t expected that, following with nervous laughter, “Me?”

“Yeah. I mean, you just moved to town right? It’d be a great way for you to get to know some new people, and…my friends are pretty cool. You’d love them, I’m sure”

He didn’t want to be rude, and say no straight up, so he held off, “Um…I’m not sure”

“I promise it’ll be fun” She spoke.

He pushed his hands into his pocket, swallowing, “How many people?”

“Oh, just us and another couple”

His eyebrows shot up, “Like …a double date?”

He couldn’t comprehend that a stranger was asking him out. It required a confidence that Hyunjin could never possess, not when it came to things like this anyway.

He’d been hit on many times in the city, but never asked out like this.

Any other time, he would say no, but Jisung’s words came to mind.

He was supposed to be making an effort, and going on this double date sure seemed like it would require a lot of fucking effort. 

He had to appreciate her confidence, and candor. 

“You’ll love it” The girl piped up, a last-ditch effort and she was being so sweet, Hyunjin found himself giving in.

What’s the worst that could happen?

“All right. Sure, I’d love that” He smiled.

The girl lit up, space buns bouncing, eyes sparkling, “Perfect! I’ll see you there, seven PM”

He nodded.

“Thank you for the bread” She laughed, waving it around, “I’m kind of late for a party, so I’ll catch you tomorrow!”

Hyunjin watched as she ran off. He wondered if it was a mistake agreeing, but Jisung had told him specifically to do this, and he would never give him bad advice.

So, he sighed, pushing his cart forward again, thinking of what the double date would be like. He wasn’t looking for a relationship, but perhaps he was thinking too much. The girl certainly hadn’t thought that far ahead…and it seemed like a casual thing, as far as he could tell. 

She had so much spontaneity, he could learn that from her.

She’d mentioned another couple would show up, and he hoped Hana’s friends were nice enough. He grabbed a can of beer, to calm down because he was getting worried for no reason.

It was just a double date.

It’s not like Hyunjin could ever fall in love in this town anyway.

»»————-

The Daejon sunset was one of the first things he’d fallen in love with, in all his months of being back home now. 

He’d drawn sketches of it, and taken pictures of it, and a few pages in his journal were dedicated just to that.

Something about the way the light scattered in small towns… was eternally different from the sunlight in Seoul. The Ferris wheel was lit up in purple, majestic against the night sky, and it looked like something Hyunjin had once attempted to draw. Attempt being the key word, because Hyunjin was new to this skill and he’d hardly learnt how to mix his purples and blues. 

It was easier to focus on all of this — than to focus on the events of the pink Photobooth, the one he’d been in with you.

The effects of which he could still feel till now. His heart rate was shot up, and his lips were bitten, and his pants were tighter than normal.

He couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed, he’d enjoyed that more than anything,

Focusing on the Ferris wheel would hopefully bring him back to a state of normalcy. 

The way he acted just now — that was not normal. 

Hyunjin always thought with his head, certainly not his dick.

He shifted in his place, trying not to look at you, because that wouldn’t help his situation.

So, he focused on the Daejon sunset.

He had tried to paint it before, but he quickly frustrated himself when he realised it wasn’t so simple after all. 

Sometimes, taking pictures was just easier.

“I wish I had my camera” He mumbled.

The softness of Hyunjin’s voice broke you out of your thoughts, and your gaze drifted to him. The hint of a frown was upon his lips, but Hyunjin’s gaze was full of unbridled awe, staring at the purple carriages that swung in the evening breeze.

“You do?”

His eyes flickered to yours at those words.

You know that he hadn’t been speaking to you, but you still responded. Ever since you’d stepped out of the Photobooth, there had been a silence enveloping you, and it hardly seemed like Hyunjin was breaking it.

He was still quiet, and pensive, completely retracted into himself.

You know he wasn’t upset at you. He was probably just frustrated with the events that had transpired. You certainly were, your lower gut still in knots, and your legs still weak.

You’d brought yourself to the absolute edge, but didn’t really get any…satisfaction out of it. 

Ten minutes in a booth would never satisfy what you felt for him.

You needed so much more. 

You needed to lay him down, and kiss him till the sun set, and not stop because of some dumbass timer.

It was an unspoken rule that you and Hyunjin wouldn’t ever bring it up again though.

The kiss that never happened -erased from your memory and shared history. The thought pained you.

Hyunjin was looking at you now, because of the question you’d just asked him, and maybe you shouldn’t have said anything. He was just voicing his wishes out loud, not looking for conversation.

Some wishes were easier to say than others.

His gaze softened when it met yours, “Yeah. The sky…it’s so beautiful. It would be nice to…remember it”

Carnival rides lined up against the horizon. Wisps of pink and orange clouds melting into the disappearing sun. It was gorgeous - the collision of colors, each fighting for its place in the sky, even though the sky was big enough to accommodate all, and perhaps everything could coexist.

You weren’t sure how you ended up here, in the queue for the Ferris wheel, pressed up against the metal barrier with your friends, because you were still in a daze, recovering from the best kiss of your entire existence.

Hyunjin had his phone held up, trying to capture the sight, but it wouldn’t do nearly a good enough job of catching the true beauty.

The curls of his hair fought against the wind, to stay in place, and in the onset of darkness, you could read the embroidered heart, and the holographic word on his t-shirt even better.

Lover.

It sparkled every time the light reflected off it, and it was so transient. With every little movement Hyunjin made, the word would disappear and reappear.

Lover was such a precious word, a concept eternal to you, but in moments like this, you realised how temporary it could be.

“It is gorgeous. I wish I had my canvas too” You swallowed, looking back at the sky, because that’s what you were talking about, and that’s the only thing you should be thinking about - not about how moments ago he’d been grinding up into you and telling you how hard he would fuck you, if he could.

A low exhale escaped his mouth, and his hands then slipped into the pockets of his denim, “Maybe we can come back to this someday, to capture it”

You could come back to it, but the sky would never, ever be exactly the same as it was right now, and you’d never be able to immortalize this beautiful moment.

It was just a pretty sunset, but everything felt like it was slipping out of your hands, and the dread was settling in your stomach again.

This moment would be lost, like many others.

Just like the pictures of you and Hyunjin that were gone forever. 

A cruel trick of the universe, but it was futile - you could delete the pictures but no one could erase your memories.

Even when Hyunjin left town, even when he moved on from you, even when he eventually fell in love with someone else, you would never forget the way he kissed you.

“Yeah, it won’t be the same, but...at least we’ll have something” He spoke, and the corners of his lips tugged up in a smile that didn’t seem happy at all, and you knew that neither of you were talking about the pretty sunset anymore.

You wish you could paint the sky, and Hyunjin wished that he could photograph it.

Some desires were tangible.

You wish Hyunjin could let himself love you.

But some wishes were impossible.

“What is wrong with the two of you?” Minho’s voice broke through.

Your head whipped to his, and he had his eyebrows up, leaning on the metal barrier now. 

“What do you mean?”

He laughed, “I mean…what the hell are you two even talking about?”

“The sky” You and Hyunjin both said at the same time.

Minho tilt his head up, “What about it?”

“It’s really pretty” You explained, tugging the pink bear closer to you. The one Hyunjin had won for you. It was huge and took up all the space in your hands, just like he did in your heart. 

You squished it against your chest, trying to take up as little space as possible in the queue, and to not bother anyone.

“Is this what all artists are like?” Minho asked, tilting his head, “Romantic, and depressed?”

“I’m not depressed” Hyunjin responded, deadpan.

Minho quirked an eyebrow, “You should’ve heard the two of you talk about the sky”

“Shut up” You mumbled.

“I think we’re next” Hyunjin spoke, eyes on the quick-moving queue to the Ferris wheel.

Minho’s eyes widened and he glanced to the front, “My cue to leave”

“You’re seriously not coming with us?” Seungmin asked.

He shook his head, “In that metal death trap? No, thanks”

“You’re gonna stay here by yourself?” He asked.

“No, Y/N will stay with me” He spoke, which was news to you.

You glanced at him, “I will?”

Minho tilt his head at you, sweet smile adorning his lips, “Won’t you?”

Your gaze drifted to Hyunjin and Seungmin, and the looming wheel behind. You had wanted to go on it earlier, but now you didn’t really care.

“I can stay with you instead” Hyunjin suggested, to Minho, “Y/N wanted to go on the ride, so she should go”

“How chivalrous of you, Jinnie. Her knight in shining armour” Minho grinned, enjoying this far too much.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, moving to step out of the queue, “It’s not a big deal”

“Wait!” You grabbed his arm, stopping him, and the simple touch shot a sensation through you.

He looked back at you, “Yes?”

“You’ve never been on it before, I think you should go. I’ve seen that view a hundred times before” You told him.

His brows furrowed, “Are you sure, Y/N?”

You nodded, stepping out with Minho, “I’m sure. The view up there is so beautiful…and you deserve to see it”

Hyunjin’s gaze explored your face, and he nodded, “Okay. I’ll…see you when we come back down?”

“Of course, you will. She’s not gonna disappear” Minho rolled his eyes, “Although not so sure we’ll see the two of you after you board that death trap”

You sighed, “Minho”

“You better get your goodbyes in now, babe” He poked you, “Just no farewell kisses, I might throw up”

You immediately glanced at Hyunjin, who was flushed red.

He covered up the embarrassment with a chuckle, “Shut up, Minho”

“Make me, Hyunjin” He smiled, leaning into his face, and Hyunjin rolled his eyes, pushing him away.

Seungmin sighed, “Can we please just go?”

You followed Minho out of the queue, as Hyunjin and Seungmin stepped up the park employee, flashing their wristbands to be let onto the purple carriage. 

»»————-

“You sure you don’t want some?” 

“Hmm?” You looked up to see Minho sitting across from you, as he carefully held a bottle of mustard over his hot dog.

The barstools you were at weren’t the most comfortable, but there weren’t too many places to wait for your friends to return. Minho was still surprisingly hungry, so you’d grabbed a table by the food stands, with a seat for each, including one for the pink bear that sat across you. It was huge, and adorable. The beady eyes were staring right into your soul, and you wondered where you’d put it in your room. Hyunjin had been holding it the rest of the evening, which meant it would smell like him, and maybe you should keep it in your bed for that reason.

“Y/N?” Minho asked again, and you realised he’d asked you a question.

“Yeah, I’m not really hungry” You spoke, tracing your finger over the little table. 

Minho smiled, knowingly and bit into the hot dog, mustard spilling out over the glass table.

“Careful” You reached forward to wipe the glass top, paper napkin soaking up the mustard as you did so. He was unbothered, biting in again, enjoying the taste of it, and your eyes wandered across the place. 

Seungmin and Hyunjin were on the Ferris wheel, and although you were far from it, you still tried to look for them in the little carriages. You could imagine the look on his face when they reached the very top. Daejon had never looked as beautiful as it did from there.

“You already had your fill, I suppose”

“Sorry?” You turned to Minho, confused.

The corner of his lip curved up, “The bruise on your neck. It’s…pretty telling”

You frowned, trying to make sense of what he said, hand instinctively reaching up to your neck, until your fingers found the tender spot.

The spot Hyunjin had sucked on, and bit, and kissed until it turned shy of purple. 

The simple memory shot arousal to your core, and you shifted in your seat, embarrassed, “Oh”

Minho laughed, loudly, certainly drawing the attention of everyone in that stall, “I mean…it was pretty telling even without the hickey. You both walked out of the arcade in a daze”

You brushed your hair over it, covering it up, “Is that why you wanted me to stay with you? So you could embarrass me”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed off, Y/N” He remarked, “It’s just a hickey”

Just a hickey, yeah.

Except you didn’t get just hickeys from people. 

You didn’t make out and grind like that in public too, with boys you clearly weren’t supposed to.

You flushed red, “Was it obvious? Even to…Seungmin?”

He nodded, “I mean, it was obvious what was going to happen the minute you two stepped away from us, honestly. We kind of expected it”

Obvious?

It wasn’t even obvious to you what would happen when you went in.

“Well…we didn’t” You stated, crossing your arms, “It was a heat of the moment thing”

“You’ve been staring at him all day, Y/N. It was inevitable”

“I was not-”

“You were eye-fucking each other while you ate the cherry slushie, so yeah you’ve ruined slushies for me forever”

You narrowed your eyes at him, “Shut up, Minho”

He paused to look at you, “Do you regret it or something?”

“No. It’s just weird talking about it”

“Why? You used to tease me about girls I like all the time”

You’d kept your feelings for Hyunjin to yourself, and to admit them out loud to your friend was strange. The thought mortified you, that he might go and tease Hyunjin about the same regarding you.

“This is different”

“How, exactly?”

You scratched at the paper mats on the table, “I don’t know. I feel like there’s a lot at stake"

He reached forward, grabbing the ketchup bottle, before squeezing it over the hot dog, listening carefully, and it was funny that in the midst of a busy amusement park, you and Minho were talking about something so serious. It was dark out now, and the park was entirely lit up, fairy lights above your table, that hung across this entire section.

The area was much more crowded, as the people around you ditched all the rides for some dinner, and the queues for the hot-dog and soda stands were longer than ever.

You rest your chin in your hands, watching the events unravel around you, “I’ve never been the kind of person who would make out with someone, without even thinking about the consequences, or…”

“Or?”

You were burning up, and you looked away, “I said some stuff…I’ve never said it to anybody before, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to go back to normal after that, with him”

His eyebrows shot up, and he tilt his head, confused, “What kind of stuff?”

Your own words from that moment came back. 

You had been basically begging Hyunjin to tell you what he’d do to you. Dirty talk had never been your forte, or kink, but you’d certainly lived for it in the moment, and even just the memory turned you hot.

“Promise me you’re not gonna laugh at me”

His expression turned to a more serious one,  “I can’t promise that”

You rolled your eyes, leaning back, “Of course”

He laughed, “Just tell me, Y/N”

You stared at him, and he seemed smug, and proud, his signature smirk on his face, as he waited for an opportunity to embarrass you further.

You’d known him your entire life, but you’d hardly ever divulged details of your love life or crushes to him, opting to tell Yongbok or Hana instead. 

Minho had always had a different place in your life, and it was funny how now he was the only one that still liked you.

He was also the only one who knew that you and Hyunjin had kissed, and the troubles that were ongoing in Hyunjin’s personal life.

He was a friend to you both, so you shook your head, “Never mind”

“Come on” He laughed, “Don’t leave me hanging. Did you tell him how much you want his dick-”

“Minho!” You interrupted him, “We’re in public, don’t say that out loud”

“So you did tell Hyunjin that” 

You tongued your cheek, “Yeah”

“But what’s the problem?” He tilt his head, amused, “The fact that you’re supposed to be friends?”

“That’s one of them. I’m just...disappointed in myself. I thought I could control myself better than this, but …clearly not”

“Y/N” He laughed, “Ever since Hyunjin has been here, you’ve always had your hands all over each other. I think it’s safe to say that you don’t think with your head around him”

“Is that a bad thing?” You frowned.

He shrugged, “It’s only a problem if you want it to be”

You stared at him, wishing it was as simple as that.

It wasn’t just about you liking a boy, there were so many other layers to it, and things you had to worry about.

Even if Hyunjin miraculously decided that he was willing to try, that he was ready to give it a shot, your own friends would never be okay with it. 

If your friends chose to somehow change their entire opinion on him overnight, even then…you and him were bound to different cities, and one day he would eventually go back to that life, and you would stay here. 

And on top of this, why would Hyunjin ever choose to stay with you?

Everything was stopping you from being with him at this point, and maybe you shouldn’t fight it. 

You and him had never even talked about how you went from friends to more. The shift to you, was gradual and over time — but to him? 

One day, he was going on a date with your best friend, and a few weeks later, he was kissing you in the art class by the hill.

When did his feelings change?

You wish things were as simple as Lee Minho saw them to be.

“What are you thinking of, babe?” He asked, leaning forward onto the table.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start” You mumbled, looking past him, as the mirage of worries overtook you.

“You need to light up a little, Y/N. What are you afraid of?”

“Are you sure you wanna hear this now? I mean, we’re at the carnival and I don’t want to ruin your-”

“Yeah I wanna hear this now” 

Your friends were nowhere to be seen, so it was safe to talk, “You already know that he doesn’t want a relationship, and that’s his choice, because he can’t risk his career, obviously it’s much more important than me” You paused, already worrying, “But…it’s so hard for me to stay away from him and I don’t want him to think that I don’t respect his choice”

Minho’s eyes searched your face, and he leaned forward, “Do you want me to be honest, or do you want me to sugarcoat it?”

You stared down at the table, and both sounded horrible, but you were an adult so you chose the former.

“Honest” You replied.

“Okay” He said, grabbing your hand in his own, and pulling you closer, across the table, “I know he’s pretty cool. Trust me, I know. Hyunjin is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and I completely see why you’re so smitten... but at the end of the day, he’s just a guy. You shouldn’t be spending so much time being anxious because of this, that’s not normal or healthy. You’re only hurting yourself by thinking of all of this. There will be other guys in your life, and other people who won’t have this… rule to not date. Why are you putting yourself through this?”

Oh.

Minho was a great listener, and sometimes he gave really good advice, but right now you wished you would have asked him to just sugarcoat it.

“You’re…telling me to move on?”

How could you move on from someone you’d been in love with for basically half your life?

Minho laughed, “I mean, it’s not like you’re in love with the guy, right?”

Your heart jumped at the implication, but right now was not the time to unravel your feelings, so you muttered, “Yeah”

You were new to all of this, and you’d never loved anyone like this, so there was no point telling Minho the real truth.

You still didn’t know what love was, you’d never experienced it like that, but this was obviously it.

How could it not be?

But the first person who should know that, should be Hyunjin himself.

If you ever told him.

Although if you said that to him, he would definitely run away from you.

Minho nodded, “I absolutely hate seeing you this stressed all the time. You and Hyunjin have been friends for long, and you were great like that, so maybe that’s just how things are supposed to be. I mean, I know how you feel...I’ve had crushes on girls I’m not supposed to like, but over time, I eventually got over it. I moved on...and I know that’s not what you want to hear but take it from someone who has been in love, everyone moves on, eventually. I mean, unless you believe in soulmates and stuff”

“You’re right” You spoke, dissatisfied with this conclusion and regretting the conversation, “Where are they anyway?”

He looked around, gaze filtering through the increasing crowd, “Oh, I think I see them coming this way”

Your gut twisted, nervously, “Okay”

“I hope you still had a good time tonight. If not, I’d feel like a grade A asshole to bring you here”

“No, I did” You reached out, hand grabbing his again. It was sticky from the sauce, but it was fine.

“You’re sure?” He tilt his head.

“I’m sure” You reassured him, “Thank you for forcing me out of the house and getting me here. The carnival was…great, and I’m really happy you brought me here”

The corner of his lip twitched, and he smiled.

“I know it’d do you good. You haven’t left your place in days. You’re very self-destructive, Y/N” He spoke, matter-of-factly.

Self-destructive? 

All you’d done was stay home after the event at The Château, to avoid any kind of confrontation, with everyone in your life.

“I would say it’s more self-preservation” You mumbled, thinking back to the birthday party and how upset Felix had been at you, you wanted to avoid that at all cost even if it meant avoiding him, completely “I hate…arguments”

“Nobody likes them” Minho laughed, “You’ve been asking me about Yongbok and Hana this whole while. I think…you should try to talk things out”

“Won’t Hana be mad at me? For avoiding her, and for…whatever’s happened with Hyunjin?” 

Realisation passed over Minho’s face, and he stared down at his fries, “Yeah. She might be, but…it’s better she finds out from you, than anyone else”

A different anxiety seeped into your gut. You’d never had an argument with Hana, not really. She was confrontational, but you were not. 

You looked back to the direction of the rides, and Seungmin’s arm was around Hyunjin as they walked over, laughing every few seconds. Hyunjin seemed more calmer now, eyes crinkling with happiness.

“Thank you though, for telling me about it, Y/N” Minho suddenly spoke, “I’ve missed talking to you about stuff like that”

You laughed, “We’ve never talked about this kind of stuff before”

“I know. You would always go to Hana or Yeonjun for that”

“Well…they gave good advice” You shrugged, laughing.

“I’m just happy that you felt like you could trust me”

“I’ve known you my whole life, Min, of course I trust you”

“And that’s your first mistake!” Seungmin interrupted, stepping into the discussion. Minho rolled his eyes, “Now that you’re all here, can we head home? I’m beat as fuck”

Hyunjin yawned, holding a hand over his mouth, as they huddled around the table, “You’re right. Today has been…an extremely long day”

He stretched, arms over his head, and his shirt lifted up, revealing a glimpse of his stomach and his piercing. 

Don’t look at it.

But of course you did, hoping you were subtle enough. 

The band of his boxers was visible, a slight red peeking out.

Ugh. The universe truly hated you.

“Did you like the ride though?” Minho asked, holding out a soda cup. Hyunjin grabbed it, the movement making his shirt drop down, and you could breathe again.

There weren’t enough chairs at the table, so Seungmin and Hyunjin stood by it’s sides.

Hyunjin sipped on the soda, mouth puckered, “It was beautiful. I took some pictures too, they’re not that great — wait let me show you”

“Yes please” You spoke and he manoeuvred around Seungmin to step close to you, opening his gallery to show you the pictures. The town looked beautiful in them, and it reminded you of the hilltop view, except you couldn’t see the lights from here, just the vast greens and mountains that stretched around for miles.

“The pictures aren’t that great though” He muttered, “It feels oversaturated, with the phone camera”

He was right. The pictures had a certain inauthenticity to them, like they were airbrushed.

“I know what you mean. These would look really pretty with a film camera” You sighed, holding his phone close to your face, as you swiped through his gallery, seeing all the dozen or so they’d clicked while being on the Ferris wheel.

“You were up there for only twenty minutes...you took a lot of pictures” You pointed out, laughing.

“There’s a few more” He hummed, elbow brushing yours, as he stood, watching you scroll through his gallery, endless pictures of the sky and the carnival.

Suddenly, you weren’t looking at a picture of sunsets anymore, but of Hyunjin.

It had been taken in his room, as far as you could tell.

It was a mirror selfie, and his face was covered by the phone, just enough to reveal his parted lips.

In a sleeveless tank top, one arm was curled around his stomach, flexed shoulders.

His hair was messy, blonde strands falling into his face, sticking to his lips.

He looked so fucking hot, your stomach twisted.

The grey sweatpants he had on in the image hardly did anything to conceal -

“Shit. Sorry” Hyunjin realised, and quickly scrolled past it, when he saw that you were looking at the wrong picture.

Why did he take that kind of picture?

Why was Hwang Hyunjin making your life so fucking difficult?

You didn’t say anything, because the shaking of your voice would certainly give away how affected you were by the image.

Then, you came to an image of Seungmin. It was just his silhouette, sat across Hyunjin in the Ferris Wheel carriage.

“That one’s cute” You pointed out.

“I wanted to recreate it later, maybe with acrylics” Hyunjin told you, “I’ve never been successful at sunsets though, so it’ll probably end up looking like shit”

“If only you knew an artist who was great at sunsets” Seungmin hummed, crossing his arms over the little table.

You looked at him, raising an eyebrow until you realised he meant you.

“I’m not good at them” You immediately spoke.

Seungmin grinned, “No, seriously. You’re gonna teach Hyunjin. We talked about it up there”

“Yes please!” Hyunjin spoke, as if just remembering that discussion, “Your technique is beautiful”

“I’m not sure. You’re just saying that to be nice” You stared at him, grabbing a fry.

He countered, reaching forward to flick the fry from your hand, “And why would I just say that, if I didn’t believe it?”

“Well, I would join in on this argument if Y/N had ever even shown us her art” Minho muttered.

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “You’ve never seen it?”

You shook your head, not liking the attention, “There’s nothing to see” 

Hyunjin had shifted closer to you, arms crossed as he leaned on the high table, brushing against you, as Minho and Seungmin stood on the other periphery.

“Anyway, a year from now her art is going to exhibited all across Seoul and even Paris, you'll see it then Minho” Hyunjin added.

“Stop” You laughed, “That’s far too much”

Minho smiled, “Can’t wait”

You rolled your eyes, “Now you’re just talking shit”

“Come on, that’s possible” Hyunjin murmured, turning to you, “Soon enough I’m going to have to be the one asking you for an autograph”

You smiled at his compliment, appreciating his kindness.

He was smiling back at you, an unspoken look in his eyes.

Then his gaze fell to your phone that lay on the table, “Oh, someone’s calling you”

Pulling your eyes away from Hyunjin’s crescent smile, you saw Yeonjun’s name flash across the screen.

You hadn’t talked to him in so long.

“Give me a second” You told the boys, jumping off the stool and walking away. You navigated through the crowd, and all the food trucks, to a more secluded area of the park, just out of earshot of the noise. From here, you could still see Hyunjin, and the boys, as they finished the last of the food.

“Hey” You picked up the call, holding your hand over your ear to hear him better, “Everything okay?”

Yeonjun’s voice came in instantly, “Seems to me that you’ve forgotten all about me”

You laughed, “No, I’m sorry, I just haven’t been in touch with anyone the past few days”

He chuckled, “I’ll try not to hold it against you. Where are you right now?”

“I’m at the carnival, with Hyun and my friends” You told him, watching the drop tower ride in front of you, as all the passengers in it screamed, “Why?”

“There’s something at your front door for you” He replied.

“What?” You laughed, “That’s so ominous. What does that even mean?”

“I guess you’re gonna have to go and find out” He teased.

“Well, I’m not gonna be home until…” You trailed off, watching the table again and Minho was laughing loudly, shoving two fries into Hyunjin’s mouth as he protested, “…Until an hour or so”

He let out a gasp on the other, “It can’t wait an hour”

You turned away, curious, “What did you even send? Nothing delivers this late”

“If you don’t pick it up, Y/N, someone else will, and then you’re going to regret it forever. Just saying”

“Fine! I’m heading home” You giggled, and then ran back to the table, “Sorry that was Yeonjun. He…sent me something, and he’s being all cryptic. I gotta go”

“Wait, you’re leaving?” Minho asked, “I’m not done eating”

“Just going home” You grabbed the star balloon between your fingers, and the teddy bear in your other hand, “Don’t hurry up because of me”

Seungmin smiled, “See you later, love”

Hyunjin automatically stepped up to you, helping you balance the teddy in your hands, “Should I walk you home, Y/N?”

You shifted the bear higher up your hip, for better leverage to hold, “Um, no Hyun, I’ll be fine. It’s just ten minutes”

He seemed unconvinced, stepping away from the table, “You sure? I don’t really mind, you have a lot of stuff”

You glanced up at him, smiling, “Stuff that you got me”

“I know” Hyunjin laughed, “I feel responsible for it”

“It’s okay, Hyun. I don’t want you to rush because of me” 

You looked to the table, where the boys were already busy with the food, engaged in conversation with each other.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” Hyunjin asked, making you look back up at him.

“Tomorrow?” You repeated, “What for?”

He flushed, “I didn’t think I needed a reason…but um, there’s actually a couple of stuff I want to learn from you. I was talking about it with Seungmin on the ride. I never knew you’re good with acrylics…but only if you have the time. We can just paint together, and I’ll pick up on a lot”

You laughed, “How come you want to do this all of a sudden?”

He shrugged, slipping his hands in his pockets, “I’ve been wanting to paint with you for the longest time, and we’ve been putting it off. Just realised when I was up on the ride, that now is as good a time as any. I still feel like there’s so much about art that I don’t know, and you’re the best person to ask for it. I don’t want to waste any more time”

“Hyun…” You hugged the bear, “I’ve never taught before, I don’t know if I’ll be any good”

“Stop putting yourself down” He spoke, voice soft, and even amongst the chaos, you could hear his words clear as day. Like everything except him was filtered out, “You taught me how to blend with fingers, and I’ve been using that ever since”

“Okay” You agreed, giving in because you could never say no to him, “I’ll help with whatever you want to know”

He smiled, “Perfect. Now at least let me walk you to the exit”

You laughed, “Hyun…It’s just a few minutes away”

He frowned, “What if something happens to you?”

“The odds of anything happening to me in the middle of the busy summer carnival are slim-”

“-But never zero” He interrupted you.

“It’s almost like you don’t want to let me go” You joked.

“Yeah, I don’t” He admitted, candidly, “You’re not rushing home because of me, right? Because of ...what happened between us?”

You thought it was a topic to be avoided, and ignored. You hadn’t expected him to bring it up so casually. 

What happened between us was that you pulled me into your lap, and gave me a hickey as we basically talked about how much we wanted to fuck each other, right in that very moment.

No big deal.

“No, don’t worry about it. We…don’t need to talk about it, okay?” You said, face growing hot.

He nodded, Adam’s apple bobbing, pushing his hands in his pockets, “Yeah. That’s the smart thing to do”

“I don’t want to cut your night short, but I will let you take me to the exit” You hummed.

He smiled, calm, “I’ll count that as a win”

He walked with you to the park gates, elbows brushing ever so slightly, and it was hard to believe that you were feeling him up just an hour ago, so confidently. The sound of the rides and screams faded into the background the further you got from the action.

“Wait, before you go. What was it you wanted to talk me about, before?” He asked, suddenly remembering something, shoulder bumping yours.

“Mmh?”

“Earlier, when we got each other the balloons, you said that there’s something you wanted to talk to me about?”

The conversation came back to you. 

You’d spent the past week trying to understand the reasons for his choices, which is why you’d read up about his band, and the scandals that threatened them. The horrible articles that had been written against Han Jisung and Chan had put things into perspective for you. You benefited from the knowledge that your heartbreak...wasn’t Hyunjin’s fault at all.

You shifted towards him, “Oh, right. Um, I just wanted to tell you that…last week, I actually read up about Chan and Jisung, and I hope that wasn’t overstepping, I just really wanted to understand you”

Hyunjin stopped in his tracks, turning to face you, “What did you read?”

You hoped he wasn't upset and that you hadn’t crossed a boundary.

You swallowed, “Just…the stuff that’s been written about them on the Internet”

His face fell, “And… what did you think of it?”

You hugged the bear tighter, he seemed upset, “It made me really…upset. I don’t know them personally, obviously, but it’s so shitty to have your life broadcast like that, and I guess I just wanted to say that I understand why you made the choice you did, and I don’t blame you for it at all. It made me…angry. I can’t imagine what it must be like”

Hyunjin’s lip twitched up, and he reached forward, hand grazing your cheek, “You didn’t have to do that, Y/N. Don’t...do things that will upset you”

You stilled, the feeling of his fingers on your skin so comforting, “I know, but I…wanted to understand you”

“Most people wouldn’t have made that effort…” He said, looking down at his feet, “But then again…you’re not most people”

You shook your head, “It wasn’t any effort, Hyunjin. I was just really confused. It sucks that you guys have to deal with that, and accept it as normal”

“I know” He sighed, “I try not to dwell on it, because I don’t ever want to not be grateful, and I should count my blessings-”

“No. You can be grateful for something and still call it out for it’s bullshit” 

His eyes widened at your words.

“The way they write about you guys, like they’re entitled to your whole life, nobody should have to deal with that”

“Did you…read anything about me?”

“About you?” Honestly the thought hadn’t even crossed your mind, and you realised that you couldn’t even do it. It would make you far too angry, and upset.

“Yeah. A lot of it is baseless, and…”

“What did they accuse you of?”

“I think the better question would be, what didn’t they accuse me of?” He laughed, forceful.

“I’m... so sorry Hyunjin. You don’t deserve that at all. Honestly, I don’t think I could handle reading anything about you”

“You don’t have to” He mumbled, grazing your cheek, “I don’t want you to be upset because of me, or my life”

“It’s too late, I’m far too invested in it already” You admitted.

He laughed, as you finally reached the park gates, by the fences, “Yeah”

There were so many people still coming in, for dinner, and late night rides.

Hyunjin stood awkwardly, but cutely, hands in his pockets as he bid you farewell, “There’s a lot I wanna tell you about this, maybe we can talk about it…over our private art sessions”

You laughed, “Is that what we’re calling it now? Where am I supposed to teach you art anyway?”

“In my room” He piped up.

Your eyebrows shot up, “That doesn’t sound like a smart idea”

“Why?” He tilt his head, “Because of what happened last time we were alone together?”

Your cheeks burned up again, because why could he bring it up with so much ease.

 “Yeah. Maybe just the two of us together isn’t such a great idea”

He smiled, eyes crinkling, “I’m looking forward to see you trying to keep your hands off me”

You hadn’t expected him to tease you, but maybe you could find humour in it too, “I can definitely keep my hands off you. You act as if I can’t resist you, and that’s just not even true”

“It’s not?”

“Mmh. I don’t care” You spoke.

“You don’t?” He smiled, “You were definitely staring at that picture of me for far too long”

You didn’t realise he’d caught you staring, and you frowned, “It was a really nice picture”

He laughed, “Want me to send it to you?”

“Shut up. I have to go now” You flushed, even though of course you did, but you couldn’t give in.

“I’ll see you tomorrow” He nodded, “You’re in such a hurry to get home”

You giggled, “Don’t blame me. Nobody’s ever sent me presents to my house before. It’s exciting, I don’t know what to expect” 

He frowned, “Well, you shouldn’t have told me that…I’m definitely going to have to solve this problem single-handedly”

“I can’t wait for that” You smiled, then pulled him into a hug, wrapping an arm around his neck. The teddy bear was getting squished between your bodies, but still, he hugged you back with his free arm, holding your midriff.

“I’ll see you soon, Hyun” You spoke, pulling back, inches away to look at him. He was smiling, cheeks full and the little mole under his eyes looked beautiful, and you urged to kiss it, but you obviously held back. 

“You okay?” He asked you, voice low, noticing the look in your eyes.

“Mmh. I was just…thinking about something” You reassured him, still holding on. 

His grip on you tightened as he pulled you closer, “I know…I was thinking about the same”

Your breath hitched, looking into his eyes, and then his lips, “We shouldn’t think about stuff like that anymore”

Hooded eyes searching yours, he mumbled, “We won’t”

Despite his words, his gaze flickered to your lips, but before anything could happen, you pressed a kiss to his cheek. Soft, and sweet, it spoke everything you couldn’t say.

He was taken aback, and your lips lingered on his skin, as he whispered, “You say goodbye to all your friends like that?”

The teasing was evident in his voice, even then, and you reluctantly pulled away, “Mmh, no. Just you”

Hyunjin smiled, squeezing your waist in his grip before he had to let you go, “Good”

»»————-

The mailbox was void of any gifts.

You frowned, fiddling through bills, and papers, trying to find what Yeonjun was talking about. 

Was he just fucking with you?

“And here I was, wondering what was possibly taking you so long” A voice interrupted and you jumped.

Your head whipped to your front door where, sitting on your porch, was Choi Fucking Yeonjun. 

He sat, legs spread, arms stretched out, lazily gazing up at you, as if this was normal.

“Thought you weren’t gonna come” He added, “I’ve been waiting an hour, you know”

“Yeonjun? What… are you doing here?” 

It had been months since he’d stepped foot in Daejon. The last you’d met him was in the neighbouring town, and even then, he had made sure to stay far away from this town. 

He stood up, dusting his jeans, “Surprise!”

“You didn’t tell me you’re coming” You stated, eyes wide as you took in the sight.

He laughed, “That kind of defeats the purpose of a surprise” 

You were at a blank for words still, and Yeonjun chuckled.

“Is something wrong?” Your first question, because as far as you knew he had a busy work week, why would he be back home? All of a sudden.

He sighed, “Do things have to be wrong for me to come see my best friend?”

“No, I just-”

“I know” He smiled, “You didn’t expect it”

“You’re here” You breathed, taking in his appearance, “How long are you staying?” 

“A week”

“A week?” You repeated, “You’re serious?”

“Of course I am. I told you I was planning to visit, and I figured it’d put it off long enough” 

“Fuck” You immediately pulled him into a hug, and Yeonjun laughed, wrapping his arms around you.

“Careful, you’re gonna drop the bear” He snickered, reaching out to caress the bear’s head.

“Hyunjin won it for me” You explained.

“Of course he did” He laughed, following you inside. Yeonjun held the teddy bear and your balloon as you came in.

“Wow. I haven’t been in your room since forever” He hummed, tracing a finger across your shelf, and then his gaze stuck to the canvases you had balanced towards the wall.

“How come you came straight here?” You asked.

He sat on your bed, bouncing against the mattress as he relaxed, “I missed you a lot. You dropped off the grid a week ago”

Guilt crept up on you, as you rummaged about your drawer, looking for something comfortable to wear, “I know…I’m sorry”

“That’s okay” He smiled.

You turned around, after slipping on a grey hoodie, “I could make us some chicken, are you hungry?”

He shook his head, playing with the pillows on your bed, “I was actually thinking… we could go to the Lakehouse”

“The Lakehouse? For…Seonghwa and San’s party?”

He nodded, gulping, “Hana’s there... I think it’d be good to see her. There’s some stuff that I need to talk about”

Your gut sank, “Oh”

“We haven’t talked in six months, so…it’ll be easier if I’m with you. I’m kind of nervous”

“I’m not on good terms with her too” You admitted, “But…you wanna go there just to talk to her?”

He nodded, “Plus, Seonghwa said it’s not a huge gathering, it’s just a couple of people

“Can’t you do it tomorrow?”

Maybe your question was a bit selfish. You had a long day, and you were so tired, and you really did not want to speak to anyone tonight. You don’t think you had the energy for a party.

He looked up at you, disappointed, “You must be tired. Right. I’m sorry I didn’t realise”

You shook your head, “No, I can come if you really have to go, but…I’m just confused why you’re doing this. She ignored you…for months straight, and she blocked you everywhere. What are you hoping to talk to her about?”

He looked up at you, gaze soft, “I mean, she is the only girl I’ve ever loved, and even before we dated, she was my best friend. I’m angry at her, obviously, but I’ve had time to get over the anger. Now, I just want to talk it out. I feel like I owe it to us, and to the seventeen year old me who thought I was going to marry her. It’s the reason I came back”

You squeezed your eyes shut, heart hearting, “I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me to ask”

You, of all people, knew how in love they were. You’d never seen a couple so smitten with each other, like they were crafted and moulded to each other’s shape and personality. The person Hana was, back when they dated, was so different from now. 

“Did you know I believed in true love because of you and Hana?”

He laughed, bittersweet, tilting his head at you, “Really?”

“Yeah. It just felt to me like…you were soulmates. You grew up together, and then you fell in love, like it was always supposed to happen”

He smiled at your words, “We used to believe that too, but…forget that, Y/N. we don’t have to go tonight. I’m the one who showed up out of nowhere, ruining your evening with Hyunjin, and now I’m basically forcing you to come to a party. It’s stupid”

“You didn’t ruin my evening” You offered.

“Didn’t you want to spend more time with him?” He asked you.

You leaned against the chest of drawers, watching him, “Nothing can ever happen between me and him, so it wouldn’t have made a difference. Maybe I should start spending some time away, so…I don’t go crazy when he eventually leaves”

Yeonjun’s face softened, “Won’t you be coming to the city soon too?”

“I don’t know. The odds feel really less” You sighed, “And when we’re in different cities, the chances of us keeping in touch are almost impossible”

“Why do you say that?”

“I mean, you and Hana were in love, and the distance and differences still tore you apart. Me and Hyunjin…it’s impossible. He wouldn’t risk all of the important things in life, just for someone like me”

His tone softened, “I’m sorry”

You looked up at him, “Yeah. Me too” 

The room was quiet, as you and Yeonjun sat in your failed love.

You and Hyunjin may be doomed, but he could still work things out. 

You cleared your throat, “Thinking about it, Seonghwa did leave me like a hundred texts asking if I’m coming tonight. Apparently, it’s his last party before he moves to the city”

Yeonjun glanced up at you, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I think I should get drunk tonight” 

He laughed, “Okay, but I still feel that you shouldn’t lose all hope about the city. You never know what can happen, and when you do eventually come, there’s a couch in my apartment that can be yours if you want”

Your eyebrows shot up, “Really? You’ll want to live with me?”

“Of course. It’ll be the coolest fucking thing ever” He smiled, “Living with my best friend”

You smiled, “That’ll be really fucking cool”

You took in the sight of him in your bed. The pink in his hair had faded, so it was dark again, and it remind you all of the nights when you were both 16 and he’d stay over with you, to study for tests together, or to bake cupcakes, or binge watch your favourite shows. 

Funny how now all you talked about was heartbreak and love.

“Come here” He made grabby hands at you, and you’d never seen Yeonjun so touchy so you let him hug you, as he sat on your bed, looking up at you.

You’d missed him so much and didn’t even realise it until now. 

He was one of your favourite people, and he deserved everything. His departure had been so sudden, and full of drama you’d never even come to terms with what you’d lost, “I’m not dressed for a party though” 

His face lit up, with hope, “It’s okay, we’ll only be there for a little while. Maybe just switch up the shoes. Although that’s the shortest skirt I’ve ever seen on you”

You flushed, thinking of how easy it had been for Hyunjin’s hands to slip under it, “Tell me about it”

“I missed this” He mumbled, as you ran your hands through his hair.

“Me?”

He looked up at you, “You, your room. This town”

“I wish you were still here. Feel like I’d hold onto my sanity much better with you next to me. Hana was ...really mad at me for keeping in touch with you”

His eyes crinkled, “I’ll talk to her tonight”

“Does she know you’re coming?”

He shook his head.

“What are you going to say to her?” You asked, curious.

“I haven’t figured it out yet but hopefully, she won’t hate me for it”

“We should leave soon though, if we want to get there in time” You told him, taking a seat next to him, so you could switch out your sneakers for some boots. You zipped them up halfway, and you couldn’t be bothered to change out your hoodie. It had been such a long day at the summer carnival, but you were doing this for him. 

Tonight would also be a good distraction from Hyunjin, so it was kind of for you too.

“I brought you something by the way”

Your eyes lit up, “What?”

He reached into his jacket pocket, eyes lit up and handed you a polka-dot paper wrapping.

“What is it?” 

“Open it” He laughed.

“Fine” You carefully peeled away the wrapping, revealing a little souvenir phone charm, with the words Seoul Arts Center carved on it. 

“It comes with a gift card to the upcoming exhibition. I know you were planning on visiting the city soon, and now…you’ll have something to look forward to when you’re there” He explained, watching as you observed the charm.

“I love this so much, Jun” You smiled, attaching it to the back of your phone, and shaking to see how it looked, “It’s adorable”

“Thought of you when I saw it, one of my coworkers took me. Anyway, we should get going. I don’t wanna get there by the time everyone’s already wasted“

The thought made you uneasy, but you laughed, “Can’t believe I’m coming with you tonight and all I get in exchange is the shitty couch in your apartment”

“Hey” He laughed, “Real estate in Seoul is crazy, you should thank me for the offer”

You stood up, stumbling a bit, the shoes dug into your feet, but Yeonjun held you, “Fine, but that apartment better be worth this pain”

He nodded, “Of course it is. It has a front row view to every single one of Hyunjin’s billboard. You’ll thank me later”

»»————-

Seonghwa had lied. 

“That…does not look like a small gathering” You stated, as the flashing lights came into view, accompanied by the pounding music that could be heard almost a mile away.

San’s Lakehouse was on the outskirts of town, bordering the hills that led to The Château, and even though you couldn’t see it yet, it was obvious that there was an ongoing party. The sound travelled easily, across the valley, and the faint beats of an EDM track reverberated through the dense trees.

You stopped still in your tracks, reconsidering. You’d managed to avoid these parties for years, choosing to stay with Felix instead, and that had all been for a reason.

Yeonjun glanced at you, amusement in his eyes, as he realised the same thing, “Clearly not, but if there’s one thing I know it’s not to trust boys like him”

You nodded, warm breath hitting the air in a puff, “Are you sure you want to go? We could stay in and order pizza, and you could meet Hana tomorrow”

Yeonjun laughed, “As tempting as that is, I have a few loose ends to tie up, and…I’m in town for a reason”

You groaned, following him, “Can’t you tie them up like…on a Monday or something?”

He chuckled, “So you can waste away your youth on a good night like tonight?”

“I’m not wasting anything” You sighed, “I hope you know this is only because I love you more than anything”

With that, he took your hand, interlocking his fingers with your own. You stumbled after, following him, as the music got louder. Through a thick cover of greenery, the Lakehouse emerged into view. 

You weren’t sure what you expected but this certainly wasn’t it.

Nestled within the trees, it was a gorgeous two-story building that looked like something straight from a modern art catalogue. Black, white and tan panels covered each side, which gave way to huge windows, so you could see exactly what was going on inside. 

It felt invasive, with hardly any walls, and just windows. It certainly wasn’t a practical way to live, but it seemed like it was only used for parties anyway.

A stone walkway led up to the entrance, and Yeonjun pulled open the sliding door. Like sensory overload, everything from the party slipped out - the loud music, the endless chatter, the cheerful screams.

You stepped inside, fist clutching onto the back of Yeonjun’s shirt, feeling like the freshmen version of you, at your first high school party. At first glance around the living room, you didn’t immediately recognise anyone, making you wonder how Seonghwa managed to befriend all the people in Daejon that you didn’t know.

In a way, it was better, to be amongst strangers. More often than not, you found it comforting, which is why a city would be ideal for you. You’d always be amidst strangers there.

Throngs of people moved around, fancy cups in hands, pieces of overheard conversation and gossip. It became quickly obvious that you weren’t dressed for the occasion, in your simple hoodie, while everybody was in leather, mini dresses, and sequins. 

Yeonjun still fit in, his cool-boy-persona was something that was attractive everywhere. As you walked through the living room, so many of the girls glanced his way, catching his eye, and you hadn’t realised till now how similar Yeonjun and Hyunjin were, in terms of grabbing attention.

Even in school, he’d been so popular.  

He glanced back at you, as if making sure you were still behind him, and asked, “What drink do you want, babe?”

“Aren’t we going to Hana, straight up?” You yelled, to be heard over the sound. You hadn’t realised you’d be actively participating in the party. You just thought he’d pull Hana aside, talk to her and then go back.

He shook his head, “I need a drink before I talk to her”

You couldn’t complain, or protest, because you could only understand how nerve-wracking it must be for him. 

The kitchen island was massive and sported every brand of alcohol you could think of. He walked around the counter, grabbing two fresh cups. Well, you hope they were fresh. 

“Vodka?��� Yeonjun asked, and you glanced up at him.

“Sure” If you were going to drink away your sorrows, you might as well commit to it.

The kitchen was littered with half-empty, and crushed paper cups, many of which shuffled and bumped into your boots. You looked around the living area, where a bunch of people were dancing and feeling the music. A few filtered in and out of the kitchen, for refills but nobody bothered you, and you were glad for that.

“Cranberry?” Yeonjun interrupted.

You glanced back at him, and he stood at the refrigerator door, hand stretched inside to reach for some ice.

“Sure” He seemed so nervous, and that’s probably why he was hurrying this whole endeavour.

You realised you hadn’t even told Hyunjin that you’d got home fine, so you pulled out your phone to let him know. He usually always picked up your calls on the first ring, so you waited.

It kept ringing, and ringing, and ringing, and then a message beeped to tell you his phone was busy.

“Who are you calling?” Yeonjun asked.

“Hyunjin…” 

“I thought the point of coming here was to not think about him”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m just letting him know where I am. Last time, he got upset when I didn’t tell him”

“Cute” Yeonjun muttered, focusing on pouring a safe amount of vodka to cranberry in your drink. In his own, he didn’t care, and you noticed most of it was vodka neat, which told you how nervous he truly was.

“I’m just gonna go out, and try. Maybe the signal is bad here” You told him.

Yeonjun nodded, “Be careful”

The house was a maze, and you navigated through till you found the porch, facing a gorgeous pool. There were people laid out on the pool chairs, drinking, and you still didn’t recognise any of them, so perhaps they were all from out of town.

Dialling Hyunjin’s number, you tried again.

He didn’t pick up.

Worry festered within you, but he was probably just busy, so you shot him a text, explaining where you were.

He was online.

His reply came instantly.

hyun:

oh okay

It was so blunt, void of emotion. You frowned, feeling uneasy as you made your way back to Yeonjun.

“Fuck. I’m gonna throw up” He was saying, staring into his glass, “Did you talk to him?”

“He didn’t pick up” You said, wanting to suddenly cry because it felt like Hyunjin was ignoring you, but tonight was not your night, it was Yeonjun’s, and you had to be here for him, “Don’t be nervous. You did nothing wrong”

You hated confrontation and you’d do anything in your life to avoid it. He seemed distracted, looking around every few seconds, to see where she was. 

He dropped three cubes of ice into your cup, liquid splashing over the top, “Are you gonna speak to her too?”

“No…I don’t want to ruin her night. Maybe another day”

“You shouldn’t avoid them forever” Yeonjun explained, “I’m sure she’ll understand, Y/N”

You ran a hand through your hair, “Yeah”

Yeonjun handed you the shot glass, lifting his own, “To making it right”

You laughed, “Alcohol never makes things right, but tonight it’s our best hope”

“Liquid courage” Yeonjun shrugged, then tipped his head back, downing the drink in one go. You did the same, and the liquid burned your throat but the cranberry flavour made it bearable. You were thankful Yeonjun knew you so well to mix just the right amount. 

A wine bottle lay by the side, decorative label, fancy gold cap.

“Do we even get that stuff in Daejon?” You peered at the label, to read the alcohol content.

“If you know where to look” A familiar voice interrupted you. 

You whipped around, “Seonghwa”

He was standing in the kitchen archway, arms crossed, lopsided smile. In a navy blue button up, which fell open to reveal a Burgundy shirt, hair slicked back, he looked like a picture of calm. It was the opposite of how the two of you felt.

“Yeonjun!” Seonghwa announced, “I assume you’re the one that brought Y/N here”

Yeonjun agreed, taking another shot, “Would you thank me if I did?”

“Of course I would” He grinned, “When did you even come back to town?”

“An hour ago” Yeonjun replied, deadpan, and you could see him tapping his fingers against his glass. He was freaking out.

Seonghwa laughed, taken aback by the answer, “Well…looks like I’m just in luck. The only way she would have come is if someone dragged her here”

He was right, and you nodded, leaning against the kitchen counter.

“You look cute” Seonghwa commented, sauntering over to you, and suddenly pinched your cheek.

Before you could say something, Yeonjun interrupted, “Fuck. There she is”

“Who?” Seonghwa murmured, and you whipped around.

Hana.

She was right in the middle of the dance floor, laughing. Dancing with a girl you didn’t recognise, spinning each other around. Her hair was pulled up into two ponytails, and even from here, she stood out. She looked gorgeous, and a tight leather dress hugged her curves, wearing the same hoops you’d got her.

The girl she was with whispered something, and Hana doubled over in laughter, blonde hair flailing around. They took turns, twirling each other. You’d never gone dancing with her, and you’d never wanted to…but this sure seemed like fun.

Your stomach twisted. 

You’d known her all your life yet you felt like a total stranger to her now. It was a terrible feeling, and maybe after Yeonjun had his go, you could try talking to her too. 

It wasn’t like you’d had a fight, or anything that you couldn’t come back from.

Yeonjun took in another breath, and clapped his hands, “Here goes nothing”

“Wait” You stopped him, reaching out to catch his jacket, “Whatever you say, I hope you’re not planning to apologise…because everything that happened, it wasn’t your fault”

Yeonjun smiled, “That’s funny coming from someone like you. I’m just going to talk to her, don’t worry about it”

“In the middle of the dance floor?”

He shook his head, “I’ll take her aside. I’ll find you afterwards, okay? I won’t be long”

“I’ll keep her safe” Seonghwa added, and you realised he was still here, instead of having moved on to another part of the gathering.

You nodded, still tugging onto his sleeve, “But please know that nothing that happened last year was your fault”

His face softened at your concern, “I won’t apologise, I promise” 

You wish one day someone loved you as much as Yeonjun loved Hana, in the way that he flew across the country, just to make things right.

Something like that would never happen to you though, so you’d vicariously live through this moment.

He walked off towards Hana, making his way through the crowd on the floor, and you stepped aside, trying to catch a glimpse of the moment she saw him. 

Even from here, they both looked perfect for each other. Yeonjun in his leather jacket, Hana in a leather dress.

Would she make a scene?

Would she hug him? 

She’d pined for him for so long, and you knew that better than anybody.

Yeonjun sidestepped a couple, and his arm reached out towards her, and your breath caught in a throat, ready for the worst.

Before you could catch the pivotal moment, Choi San stepped right into your field of vision.

“Well, there’s something you don’t see everyday” He grinned, broad shoulders and arms blocking your view, “I know you believe in simplicity, Y/N, but don’t you think that hoodie is extremely 2000s?”

“San!” You exclaimed, sidestepping him but Yeonjun and Hana had already disappeared from the dance floor, and you’d missed the moment. 

You shot him a glare.

“What? I just said hi” San laughed.

“Never mind” You mumbled.

“It’s a party, why are you dressed like that” San mumbled, walking over to get a refill.

You narrowed your eyes at him, “I came to support Yeonjun”

“Is he running for an election?” San asked.

“You’re not funny, San” You mumbled, frustrated that you were now left alone with them, and had nothing else to do but wait. Your glass lay by the counter, and you downed a second drink.

Your head was pounding, and you were so tired already.

“Is there somewhere quiet in your house that I can go?” You asked, turning to face them, “Where do you even find so many people?

Seonghwa laughed, “They’re from school, but they’re older than you, so you might not know them”

“I guess” You jumped onto the counter, grabbing your empty cup, and to relax your feet.

“What are you doing?” San asked, observing your actions.

“I’ll wait here till Yeonjun’s back”

Seonghwa rolled his eyes, “No, you’re coming with me”

“Where?” You quirked an eyebrow.

“You just said you know no one. I can introduce you to my friends”

You sighed, “Respectfully, I’ve had a really long day…and the only way I can talk to people is if I drink a lot of this wine”

Seonghwa was leaning against the fridge, and he laughed, “Go ahead”

“For real?”

“Yeah, of course” He smiled.

You looked around, and you had no idea how long Yeonjun would actually take, and maybe resolving things with his ex-girlfriend at a party wasn’t the brightest idea he’d had, but…clearly this was important to him. So, you’d be a good friend and suck it up. 

You balanced the cup between your thighs as you poured the wine into it.

“Oh, San. Lily was looking for you upstairs” Seonghwa spoke up.

“Nice try. If you wanted to be alone with Y/N, you could’ve just asked” San smirked, but still walked away, leaving you two alone in the kitchen.

“Sorry about him” He apologised, “I’m glad you decided to show up tonight though, Y/N”

“Yeah. I’m surprised I’m here” You spoke, taking some of the wine, and it tasted good, so you took some more. Seonghwa watched you as you drank, and you felt just a little awkward. 

“I’m glad you are” Seonghwa smiled, stepping closer, and rest his hand on the counter.

He was so close to you, and a part of you knew it was so he could hear you over the music, but the other part of you remembered Felix’s party, and how Park Seonghwa possibly liked kissing girls against kitchen counters a bit too much.

You traced your finger across the marble slab to avoid feeling awkward, “You mentioned this is your last weekend in Daejon. How come?”

“My course still isn’t over, so I have to get back to the city”

“I see”

“Yeonjun and Hana broke up last year, right?” He asked.

“Yeah. After he moved” You drank some more, “By the way, don’t you have to be…with your friends? Won’t they be looking for you or something?”

He chuckled, “I see my friends everyday. Not you, though”

“I’m usually at the shop, or…with Hyunjin” You explained, feeling the wine settle into your body, and the tiredness from tonight hitting you.

“I’m surprised you didn’t bring him to the party. You’re usually always together”

You stared at the cup, swirling the wine around, chest aching, “Hyunjin and I are just friends”

“That’s probably for the better. He has…quite an interesting history” He stated, leaning behind you to grab a refill for his own drink.

You quirked an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

Seonghwa seemed surprised that you asked, “Well. There’s a lot of stuff that’s been said about him”

“It’s not true” You spoke immediately, and then finished the rest of your drink, “Let’s not talk about this. I just wanna get drunk” 

You were dizzy, and talking about Hyunjin would make you anxious.

“That, I can do for you” He smiled, and poured more wine in your cup.

The music felt less loud now, but perhaps that’s because you’d settled into it, so it didn’t bother you anymore. You let yourself enjoy it, making a mental note to ask San for his playlist later. Who knew Choi San’s music taste was compatible with yours?

You don’t know how long you sat there, in silence, drinking, and you don’t know why Seonghwa stayed with you, giving you the peace you needed. 

You could have been in bed right now, sound asleep.

You’d never had experience with reconciling with an ex, but was it supposed to take this long?

“So…this place is…pretty cool” You blurted, after a long silence that had left you lightheaded.

Seonghwa’s eyebrows shot up, and he smiled, “It is, isn’t it?”

“San’s parents own it?”

“Yup”

“And…they don’t mind you trashing it, like every weekend?”

He laughed, loudly, “We clean up, Y/N”

You looked around, and then at the floor, which was covered in spilled alcohol, and chips, “Must take a lot of time”

He shrugged, idling his cup, “It’s not that bad. The hangover’s the worst part”

You nodded, “God, I can’t imagine. I’ve had to clean up Aera’s after stock changes, never after a hangover though, and that’s been…a pain in the ass”

He laughed, “Do you want a look around? While… we wait for your friend to come back”

Maybe the wine had gone to your head, because the thought of the host accompanying you like this was so funny to you. You giggled, “What do you mean, like… a house tour?”

He smiled, getting off the stool, “Exactly like a house tour”

The Lakehouse was already beautiful, but wine-drunk, it was absolutely the most gorgeous place you’d seen. “If I’d known you’d liked that rosé so much, I’d have got more for you” Seonghwa laughed, leading you around the living area, as you ran through all the people dancing.

“You should have” You laughed, rushing to not lose him in the crowd, “I’m not nearly tipsy enough for this party”

“Come on, we’re almost there” He gestured, wanting you to hold his hand, but you didn’t take it because you liked holding hands with only one boy, and he wasn’t here.

“Should I count myself special for getting a personalised house tour?” You giggled, following him down the stairs. 

He looked back at you, leaning on the velvet bannister with a smile, “Of course, you are the guest of honour”

“The guest of honour?” You laughed, as he started down the stairs, “I’m not that special”

“Sure you are” He was taking two steps at a time now, “You’re the only first-timer here”

“Wait!” You chuckled, stumbling over your step, “For real?”

He nodded, as you finally reached the bottom, “I think me and San have invited you to over a hundred parties in our lifetime, this is the first one you’ve showed up to. Isn’t that a bit mean?”

You frowned, “Well, maybe the problem is that you have the time and energy to host a hundred parties, Hwa”

Seonghwa laughed, turning the corner, “I live a stressful live, Y/N. Cut me some slack”

“You’re right, I’m sorry” You laughed, looking around the dingy corridor you were in, “Is this where you bring girls to murder them?”

Seonghwa rolled his eyes, “Because that’s not going to affect my chances of a scholarship”

“Not if they don’t find out” You mumbled, tracing your hand across the brick wall as you followed him down the corridor, “Where are we even going?”

“You said you wanted to see the house”

“Not the basement”

“It’s a wine cellar” He explained, as you reached a wooden door, with ornate carvings on it.

Your little gasp was enough to indicate that you’d clearly never been to one, “A wine cellar? I’ve only seen those in the movies”

“I think you’d like it” Seonghwa smiled, and turned the knob to push open the door. Stepping in, you noticed how different it was from every other room of the house.

“It’s super old, and San’s family never really renovated it” Seonghwa explained, pointing to one wall, “That’s where we keep the barrels and most of the expensive wine”

Black shelves lined each wall, stacks of bottles arranged in each, far too many to count.

“This is so cool” You breathed out, looking up at the low ceiling, and the beams and pipes that ran through. It truly felt like you’d walked onto a set of a movie.

“And here, is where we do the wine-tasting” He pointed to a little marble counter, with stemmed glasses hanging upside down. You grabbed a glass, noticing the delicate gold carving on the stem, “Fuck, this is beautiful”

“I know”

“Hyunjin would love this” You realised, tracing the patterning.

Seonghwa laughed, “Yeah. He seems like a man of taste”

You glanced up at him, and his sincere answer, “Sorry, I just-”

“No, you don’t need to apologise for bringing him up. I know you two are very close”

“Yeah” You swallowed.

“Do you wanna try one?” Seonghwa asked, tilting his head at you.

You glanced up at him, wide-eyed, “You’re serious? Isn’t this stuff…super expensive?”

“Honestly, it’s fine, Y/N. It’s just a glass”

He turned around, picking one from the variety, and going on about the different countries they were from. You were drunk, and you were easily impressed so you listened to everything he said.

“Can I take a picture of this?” You asked, after a while.

Seonghwa laughed, “Sure. I’ll pour you a drink in the meanwhile”

Reaching into your front pocket, you grabbed your phone, but Hyunjin hadn’t texted back. It had been almost an hour since your last text.

you:

heyy

guess what

im in a wine cellar with seonghwa lol

!!!!!

isnt that crazy

Seonghwa was talking in the background, about the wine-making process, but you were staring at the chat history, watching as his status changed to online.

He read your message, and you held your breath, excited.

You wanted to ask him to come here, because getting wine drunk with Hyunjin sounded perfect right now.

You waited, but then his text never came.

He was offline again. 

“I got you some white wine. I think you’ll like this one” Seonghwa handed you a glass.

“Hyunjin just ignored me” You blurted, not having the capacity to feel embarrassed.

Seonghwa paused, hand still held out, “Oh? You texted him?”

You frowned, upset as fuck, “Yeah. I told him that I’m with you, and…he didn’t reply. Maybe he was asleep and accidentally opened it”

“Or maybe he’s insecure that you’re with me”

“What?” You looked up, “He has nothing to be insecure of”

“I know you say you two are friends but-” He chuckled, “That’s a total jealous guy move”

“He would never do that” You dismissed, “He’s more mature than that. I’m going to ask him what’s wrong”

Seonghwa laughed, “He’s a guy. It’s in our nature to get pissed about stuff like that. Give him a day, he’ll come around”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard” You scowled, “And Hyunjin would never ignore me”

“Y/N…why are you even texting him right now? Just talk to him later”

“I miss him so much” You mumbled, realising how annoying you sounded.

Minho was right. 

This wasn’t healthy and this wasn’t normal. He felt like your everything, and just the thought that he may be upset at you was far too disconcerting.

“You’ve drank far too much” Seonghwa spoke, pulling back the wine glass, “Maybe you can try this flavour another day”

“I’ll just ask tell him that there’s nothing to worry about”

When you unlocked your phone, there was a notification.

Not from Hyunjin though.

It was an email.

There has been an update to your application.

Your heart stilled.

The Seoul Art apprenticeship.

How had you missed this notification? It had been on your phone for longer than an hour, and you weren’t ready to check. 

It had been months since you applied here, but it had been the only thing you’d thought of.

The only reason you’d taken up so many shifts across town was to be able to afford the program, and a life in the city.

A life you’d always wanted, and now the boy you liked more than anything, made you want it more.

Hyunjin painted a pretty picture of the city, and the thought of being next to him was more than enough to give you the courage to unlock your phone finally.

You’d been avoiding this for weeks, but maybe it was better this way, because there was no build-up or anticipation.

You had to see.

With a tremor in your hands that you could blame on the alcohol, you pulled up the website of your favourite artist, Kim Jieong, numbly clicking through all the menus, until it would take you to the results.

The excitement and fear seeped into you simultaneously. 

If you got in, you’d move to the city, you’d be able to see Hyunjin, and Yeonjun and finally live a life away from the small-town mentality, and a place where you had stopped growing. You could build yourself as an artist, and paint not just for yourself, but to finally feel confident enough to show others. 

The email had quickly sobered you up, your chest seized, and you held your breath, as it loaded.

The progress bar was so fucking slow.

“Are you still texting him?” Seonghwa asked, “He’s not worth that, Y/N. I mean, you’re ruining a perfectly good night-”

“Please wait, Seonghwa” You mumbled.

Your gaze fell to your phone screen again, and then your heart dropped, into a free fall, deep into a pit in your stomach.

You read the words once, then again, and then again, trying to process them.

All applicants have been personally contacted. Thank you for your participation!

You didn’t get in.

It was futile, but you mindlessly refreshed it, yet the result was the same.

Seonghwa scoffed, reaching over to grab your phone, “You have more self-worth than texting some guy who’s ignoring you. You deserve so much better than Hyunjin honestly”

Tears brimmed up to your eyes.

You didn’t know what to feel, staring at the screen.

You’d been expecting this, and maybe that was the worst part.

You knew this would happen.

“Y/N. Can you please look at me?” Seonghwa asked, and your vision was blurry when you did, tears threatening to spill.

“You’re crying?” He exclaimed, eyes widening.

You knew it was too good to be true. Of course it was. 

This was your dream. There was absolutely no way it would come true. That kind of stuff never happened to people like you.

“I…need to go, Seonghwa” You mumbled, standing up in a hurry, and the wine bottle on the table slid to the floor, breaking into shards everywhere. You jumped, moving away.

“Fuck” He stood up, sounding annoyed, “Be careful”

Grabbing your forearm, he pulled you back from the scene of the crime as the expensive wine tainted the floor.

“I’m so sorry” You cried, staring at the stain.

Seonghwa sighed, “It’s fine”

You were going to be stuck here, in Daejon, for the rest of your life.

On top of that, Hyunjin would leave too, and then it would just be you.

Bile made its way up your throat, and you wanted to cry, the wine finally taking a fucking effect on your body.

“I can pick it up” You added, bending down to pick up a large glass shard. 

Stupidly, it cut you, blood spilling from your finger, and Seonghwa let out a frustrated groan, “Y/N, move away, please. You’re making it worse”

“I’m sorry” You apologised, watching the blood trickle down your palm, and it hurt a lot, but you couldn’t even think, feel, or breathe. The wine cellar was too stuffy, and there was no air, and you were going to be trapped here for the rest of your fucking life.

“I have to go” You mumbled, stepping away, “I’m…sorry”

“Just talk to me, tell me what’s wrong” He stepped in front of you.

“I…can’t explain” You said, and the tears were fully running down your cheek now.

The first thing you did when you walked up the stairs was dial Hyunjin’s number.

You needed him now, more than anything, and he wouldn’t pick up, but you needed him to pick up.

Stumbling on the third step up the stairs, is when Hyunjin finally picked up.

“Y/N?” His voice came in, distant, and you rushed up so he could hear you better, so the call wouldn’t disconnect. 

“Hyun?” You asked, trying to maintain your composure because you couldn’t cry on the phone, and you hope your voice sounded okay enough.

“Yeah?”

“Can I please talk to you?” Your lower lip quivered, “I…need to talk to you”

There was silence on the other end.

Hyunjin didn’t respond.

“Hyunijn?” You asked again, reaching the top of the stairs. It was a mistake coming here because it was so fucking loud, and you couldn’t hear him, but he wasn’t even saying anything.

“You’re at the party?”

“Yeah, but I-“

“I can’t talk right now, Y/N”

“What?” You stood still, voice breaking.

Your gut hurt, so much. Why wouldn’t he talk to you? “Because of Seonghwa?”

Hyunjin’s voice seemed distant, “What? Of course not. I just can’t… talk right now”

“But I really need you to come to the party”

“Y/N. I’m sorry but I can’t right now”

“Why?” You were so confused, trying to wrack your brain for why he wouldn’t want to be around you right now, “I promise I’m not drunk. I won’t try to kiss you or anything, please just-”

“Try to kiss who?” 

A voice interrupted you, and you thought you imagined it for a second.

You turned around, still holding the phone to your ear, “Hana…”

You felt like you would actually pass out now, nausea creeping up.

“Just…give me a second” You said to her, trying to breathe, and then you spoke, “Hello?”

But Hyunjin had already hung up.

»»————-

Hana was wide-eyed, staring at you, asking you what was wrong, as you were trying not to have a breakdown.

“You were crying. Tell me what happened” She spoke, but her mascara was smudged and something must have happened with Yeonjun.

“I…nothing” You spoke, squeezing the phone in your hand, the cut in your palm hurting even more.

“You’re not gonna tell me what’s wrong?” She frowned, stepping close to you and you stepped back, hitting the staircase bannister.

“Did you…speak to Yeonjun?” You asked, in response.

“Yeah. I did” She mumbled, no elaborations, “But you need to tell me why you’re crying”

You squeezed your eyes shut, and you didn’t even know how to begin.

The art program. The fucking apprenticeship that you’d worked all summer for, and had secretly applied to without telling anybody.

You stared at the floor, “You’re gonna be mad at me”

“Did you do something wrong?” She asked, twisting her silver heels against the wood.

You shook your head, “No, it’s just...please try to understand why I couldn’t tell you”

She stepped closer, “I’ve known you since we were kids, what makes you think I won’t get it?”

“Just…in the past, you hadn’t reacted well to this”

“I would be a horrible friend if I didn’t let you even speak it”

“Okay” You breathed, tears spilling from your eyes and you’re sure you looked like a hot mess. Dressed in a hoodie, crying in the corner with your best friend.

“A few months ago… I applied to this art program, in…” A hiccup escaped you, “In the city. It’s…my dream, its with this artist I really like. The one I went to Jeju for, for his exhibition, but I just found out that I didn’t get in and I feel like the shittiest artist in the world, like everything I did was for nothing and…yeah”

When you said it out loud like that, it did sound as pathetic as you felt.

It didn't even sound as big of a deal, because how could you possibly convey all of your emotions about your life, this town and your future, in this state?

Hana was quiet, and you prepared for the worst.

What you didn’t expect was this — “Is that all?”

“What?” You looked up, confused.

She was peering at you, “Is that all you had to tell me?”

“What…what do you mean?” 

She seemed disappointed in you, “I thought you were finally going to be honest”

“I am. I just told you” You spoke, stepping towards her.

“When are you gonna tell me about how you tried to fuck my boyfriend?”

It took a few seconds for her words to sink in, and to catch up with your heartbroken, wine-muddled brain.

“Wait, what?”

“I didn’t know you like him so much. I thought we agreed never to let a guy come in between us”

You blinked, “Hana, what…are you talking about? Your boyfriend? I…I’m not, I was never interested in Yeonjun. Where is this coming from?”

She scoffed, “I’m talking about Hyunjin”

“Hyun-?”

“I know you have feelings for Hyunjin. And it explains everything, like why you’ve been acting weird all summer, and why you’ve been so defensive and weird to me, because you’re in love with him” 

“Hana-”

But she continued, “You’ve had feelings for him this entire time, and you were going around my back?”

“No. We didn’t do anything like that, Hana“

She laughed, “Really? I just heard you say on the phone that you kissed him”

You swallowed, and you couldn’t breathe and you certainly couldn’t think, and you had no idea what to say, “I-”

“You’ve lied to me all summer. Please don’t disrespect me like that anymore”

“It wasn’t all summer. I’m sorry, I just-”

She was right. She was right. You had lied to her, and you were a horrible fucking person.

She tilt her head, “Is that why he ended things with me? Did you talk him into it?”

The accusation blindsided you, “What? No, I didn’t even know he was going to do that, Hana. I literally found out from you”

She seemed so sad, genuinely upset, as she stepped closer, “All that time it took you to get to know him, did you ever bring me up? Or think about me? Or did you only care about yourself?”

“Hana, of course I thought about you”

“You have a fucking hickey on your neck”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “Nothing happened when you guys were together”

She stepped closer, voice wavering like she was going to cry and you felt horrible, “I thought you were supposed to be my best friend, the person I could trust more than anyone because I do. I literally trust you, blindly, and I actually felt bad this summer because I felt like I’d been too harsh on you, and that I’d been acting up after Yeonjun left, but…you literally used me”

“What?”

She shook her head, “You used me to get closer to Hyunjin. You act so fucking innocent, Y/N but you’re far from it, and then you bring my ex-boyfriend into town, and force him to make up with me? So you don’t feel guilty about Hyunjin anymore?”

What was she even talking about?

Your head was spinning, and you were going to be sick, “I wasn’t trying to do any of that, Hana, are you listening to yourself?”

“You kissed him. Did you not?”

You squeezed your eyes shut, because you had to make it clear, “It was after you guys had already ended things”

“You know how you sound right now?” She threw her hands up, “Fine. You had feelings for the guy I was into - I can understand that because you can’t control feelings, but then you actually fucking acted on them. Like what the hell is wrong with you?”

You stepped forward, “Hana. Just listen to me. I’m really sorry about Hyunjin, I didn’t mean to-”

But she kept fucking interrupting you, like it didn’t even matter what you were saying, “What bothers me is not what you did, but the fact that you act so clueless, when you’ve probably been sleeping with him behind my back”

Your eyes narrowed, "If you stopped speaking over me for a second, then maybe I could actually explain myself, Hana” 

She was so fucking drunk as she kept going, “Explain what? Did you want to fuck Yeonjun too? Is that why you were on his side when he left?”

Her accusations brought tears to your eyes yet again, and you felt weak and pathetic that instead of defending yourself and telling her that being in love with him wasn’t your choice, you were just crying again, “Hana…you’re not being fair right now”

She laughed, bitterly, and her eyes brimmed with tears too, “I’m not being fair? The love of my life left me, and then the one guy I thought I could move on with, you… took that from me too”

She was quiet now, and it was finally your chance to speak, “Hana, you said you didn’t like Hyunjin like that. You said he was a fucking distraction from Yeonjun, when he is so much more than that! I never used you. I literally avoided being alone with him the entire time you were together”

“Wow. Thank you, Y/N for trying so hard to stay away from my boyfriend. I’m the one who introduced you to him, the one who brought him into the group, and the only reason he even started hanging out with us was because unlike you, I had the fucking guts to ask him out”

You held back your tears, to stare at her, “What happened between us had nothing to do with you”

“That’s easy for you to say-”

“Hana, stop” Someone interrupted.

You glanced at the familiar voice.

Yeonjun stood at the doorway, eyes wide.

“God, how much did you even drink?” He came up to her, “Do you have any idea what you’re saying?”

Hana stared at him, “I don’t even wanna talk to you right now, Yeonjun”

“You literally walked out in the middle of the conversation, can we not talk like civilised people?”

“How about we don’t fucking talk, ever?” 

He squeezed his eyes shut, “You’ve been calling me every week for the past six months, and now that I’m actually here, you don’t wanna talk?”

Your blurry vision drifted to Hana. You didn’t know she’d been doing that.

“Don’t look at me like that, Y/N. You’re no better with all the secrets you think you’re keeping”

Yeonjun sighed, “Y/N. Can you-?”

He was asking for space, and you nodded, more than willing because you’d throw up if you stayed in this conversation any longer.

“I was leaving anyway” You mumbled, turning around. 

“Wait” He called, and followed you, “You’ve drunk far too much. I’m going to take you home. Just wait for me by the front porch, okay?”

You nodded, feeling like you’d pass out any second now, as you made your way to the front. Collapsing on the steps, you sat, waiting for him to come back. Blacking in and out, you felt numb.

You couldn’t even process everything that had happened, in totality, because you just wanted to throw up.

You could hear them arguing all the way out here, which meant everybody else at the party probably heard you too, and all about your business with Hyunjin. Your best friend absolutely loathed you, and the guy who it was all over, wasn’t even talking to you right now.

It was ironic that now you were going to inevitably stay in Daejon, you had nothing to stay for.

»»————-

three days, after.

»»————-

The commotion of the dinner party could be heard all the way here. 

You weren’t sure why you were here, after spending the last few days entirely crying by yourself, locked in your stupid room with your stupid paintings.

Yeonjun…had a bright idea to make you feel better.

His way of an apology — a dinner party at his place, organised just for you.

No drama. No fighting. Just food.

That’s how he’d convinced you to show up, and you’d felt all too much like a zombie, functioning on no sleep and only guilt.

You had told him that he had nothing to apologise for, but Yeonjun felt responsible, for what happened, and for your night going to absolute shit because of his ex-girlfriend, and your…possibly ex-best friend.

The dinner party had been a good distraction, so you couldn’t fault him for the idea.

Even though he hadn’t invited too many people, the ones he had invited were…loud as hell, and you needed to get away, just for a bit. 

The food wasn’t ready yet, the steaks still in the oven, so it was okay for you to slip away. 

They, hopefully, would not notice that you were gone. Yeonjun wasn’t rich, but he did have a little pool, and you did not, so you found yourself sitting by the edge, legs dipped into the water.

You heard his laughter echo out the patio doors, and you reckoned that Yeonjun was telling another story from the city. That was another reason you’d stepped out. 

Now that he was visiting, everybody wanted to hear about his life in Seoul, and you didn’t want to sit and listen to a life that could have also been yours, but never would be.

It was entirely selfish for you to step out, but sometimes it was okay to be selfish.

The funny thing was, the only person who knew about your rejection and your dreams being crushed, was Hana…and she didn’t even care.

You didn’t know what was going on with Hyunjin, and it felt like there was never a single moment of peace. You weren’t going to hold it against him though. There must be a reason he hadn’t talked to you, and his life was bigger than yours, and his problems had real consequences, and maybe he was dealing with something, and would tell you when he was ready.

You swayed your feet, watching the way the water enveloped them, swirling around your ankles. The pool lights were on, and the iridescent glow from the bottom was almost heavenly. You dipped your hand in, and a reckless part of you wanted to strip down and jump in.

It would be crazy, because this wasn’t a pool party, and this wasn’t your house.

Yeonjun would certainly not mind if you went for an unplanned swim, but he would be less than pleased if you showed up at the mahogany table soaking wet. You loved Yeonjun, and he loved his mahogany…so you decided against it.

Sitting back, you leaned on your palms for support, letting your feet enjoy the coolness of the water. 

Hana wasn’t here, and the thought brought you a certain level of calm. On top of everything else, you weren’t sure how to even begin your apology to her. She was right, about a lot of it. She had been the one to ask Hyunjin out first, and even if you’d seen him years ago…you hadn’t done anything to act on it.

That was also perhaps the difference between you and Hana.

You saw a beautiful boy in the art shop, and never stopped thinking about him for years, but Hana saw a stranger in the supermarket and took him out on a date the next Saturday.

You could never possess that level of confidence, and maybe not asking Hyunjin his name when you were fifteen was your biggest regret. 

You would talk to Hana. Not now. Maybe when you stopped being sad about the city. 

You couldn’t expect her to initiate the conversation. You had to be the one, if there was ever any hope of salvaging your relationship. 

Closing your eyes, you tried not to think about it, and took in a deep breath.

“Is that seat taken?”

A low voice pulled you out of your thoughts.

Of course. 

He also received an invitation to the party, and despite the turmoil of thoughts in your head, you were so happy he was here. 

Craning your neck, you looked up at the person who’d interrupted your solitude.

Under the moonlight, his tender curls were pulled up into a ponytail, brushed far back from his face, highlighting the cheekbones and feline eyes. The sleeveless black shirt and denim only accentuated his body, and you looked away, because you had to be more respectful than that.

Despite everything, his presence put you at ease.

“What seat?” You asked him.

“The one that’s currently being occupied by this bottle” He hummed, raising his leg to direct your attention to the discarded beer bottle at your side.

“Depends” You looked back up at him.

“On what?”

“If you can make me feel better than this did”

Hyunjin laughed, chuckle escaping him, and crouched down, so he was at your height, “Hi”

His face was incredibly close, so you chose not to look at him, legs still swaying in the pool, arms pushed behind you.

“Hey” 

He tilt his head, in your periphery, “I thought you’d be in there, socialising” 

“I thought you’d be in bed, sleeping”

His lips twitched up, “I happen to be a fan of dinner parties”

“Yeah?”

He nodded, “Plus…I had to come see you”

“It’s not taken”

His brows raised, “What?”

“This seat. It’s not taken” You patted the space between you, “It’d only be for you anyway”

He chuckled, sitting cross-legged on the tiles to avoid touching the water, “How considerate”

You wonder how he could always be so light-hearted, and calm, despite all the stress in his life.

“Mmh” You hummed, focusing on the water, “When did you get here?”

“A little less than an hour ago”

Your head snapped to his, “An hour? Where were you?”

He laughed, and it was the first that you really looked at him, ever since he came. His eyes were staring right into yours, piercing through your soul, making your insides turn. 

Did he feel the same tension?

“I was looking for you, but…I was stopped in my endeavour” He explained, eyes flitting over your form for a second. You were silently glad you chose to put on this dress, the sweetheart neckline hugging you well, pushing your chest up in a flattering way.

Hyunjin’s eyes stayed there, for a second too long, and then he met your gaze again.

“Stopped by who?”

Hyunjin let out a huff, “Your best friend, Choi Yeonjun”

“Yeonjun…? What did he want with you?”

“I mean…it is his dinner party”

“Right” 

He shrugged, “He was just happy to see me, and then he…made me try every kind of bread he brought back”

“That sounds like him. Did he forget you’re from the city too?” You asked, knowing that Hyunjin and Yeonjun had access to the same kind of bakeries there.

“I suppose. He seemed really tipsy though”

You sighed, “I wish I was”

“You want to be tipsy?”

“Yeah”

Hyunjin’s lips pulled into a tight smile, and he dipped his hand in the water, swirling it, “So what are you doing here, if the party inside is for you?”

You couldn’t tell him about the city. 

It was horrible, and embarrassing and would only solidify your failure. 

You didn’t answer him, but your silence said everything, and now you weren’t even sad anymore. You were just angry at yourself.

He let out a sigh, “We’ve been over this, Y/N”

“Over what?” You looked at him.

“If something’s wrong, I want you to tell me”

You frowned, “No, I don’t have to, actually. You’re not my therapist, Hyunjin”

It was rude, harsh and uncalled for, and you only said it because you truly felt like you didn’t deserve to feel any better. 

There was no point telling him what happened.

He had so much faith in you, for nothing. You were a terrible friend, and an even worse artist.

“But I am your friend” He spoke, matching the fervour in your voice, “I don’t understand how you expect me to be that and not care about you. You’re not okay”

“How could you possibly know that?” You asked him.

He stared at you, brows furrowed, “You’re so upset”

“Yeah, I am” You admitted, “And when I called you to tell you about it, you hung up on me”

So, maybe you were holding it against him.

His eyes widened, and he reached for your hand, “Y/N...that’s why I’m here. I came to explain, and I’m so fucking sorry for it. I can’t...tell you how shitty I felt”

“You don’t need to explain” You mumbled, feeling guilty.

His tone was rushed, panicked, “I didn’t realise how upset you were until later, and by the time I got to the party, you were already gone”

You paused, “Wait. You came to the party? To the Lakehouse?”

“Yeah. I came to get you. I was so worried, I left... as soon as I could”

“Why were you worried about me?” As far as you knew, he knew nothing, not about what happened with Hana, or the city.

“You sounded upset. I was...so fucking stressed, I didn’t realise it until later”

A familiar warmth settled in your chest, “Oh. Thank you”

“When you called me, I was…dealing with something huge, and fuck, it’s not an excuse, I know…I feel terrible. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you, but are you going to tell me what happened?”

“There’s really no point to it anymore” You mumbled, “It doesn’t matter, and I don’t care about it”

“But I care” He spoke, voice raising, “When you’re hurt Y/N, it hurts me a lot too”

“You care about me... far too much” 

“No…I’m serious” He insisted, and you looked at him.

“When you’re hurt, I literally cannot function. The fact that you don’t understand that is-”

“Hyunjin, you can’t solve my every problem” You interrupted him, “I know you want to. I know you’re trying to, but you can’t”

His voice was still high, frustrated, “Why are you pushing me away?”

“You’re the one that said we can go nowhere. Maybe I’m just finally accepting that”

The look on his face broke your heart, if it could even be more broken than it was now. 

You expected him to walk away. 

Instead, he grabbed your hand, tugging it to his own, “I’m sorry”

You tried to control your emotions, “Why are you apologising...?”

Hyunjin seemed confused, doe-eyes wide open, “Isn’t it my fault?”

Was it?

It wasn’t Hyunjin's fault you didn’t get accepted to your dream program. 

It wasn’t his fault Hana asked him out first.

You didn’t know what to say, but you didn’t want him to leave you, so you slipped your fingers through his, squeezing his hand, “Can you please just stay out here with me for a little while?"

Voice soft in the cold, dark night, he uttered a silent “Of course”

You nodded, a thank you, before turning back towards the water as he held your hand.

He was rubbing circles over your palm, tracing your skin with his fingers.

“What happened here?” He asked, turning your palm over, where a band-aid was stuck across the cut from the wine bottle.

“I got hurt”

His eyes flickered to yours, “Does it still hurt?”

“Kind of...”

Then he lift your palm to his mouth, and kissed it, lips soft against your skin, “It’ll be better now”

You laughed, at how endearing he was.

“Does it feel good?” He suddenly asked.

You looked at him, confused, until he clarified.

“The water…”

“Yeah” You smiled, “It feels good. You should try it”

“I’m wearing... pants” He gestured to his dark denim, the tight material hugging his thighs.

“That hasn’t stopped you before” You reminded him, thinking back to Yongbok’s party at the cabin, when Hyunjin was dared to go into the ocean.

He laughed, at the memory, “You’re right”

Leaving his grip on your hand, he pulled his knees up, to untie his laces.

You watched him, his hair falling into his eyes at the movement, as he concentrated on his sneakers, knee pulled up to his chest.

You tried not to fixate on his bare arms, that flexed with every movement.

His hair had grown out so much, and even though he’d pulled it all up into a tight ponytail, strands fell loose. His eyes were scrunched up together, as he focused all of his energy on the double knot on his sneakers.

You reached forward, tucking the stray hair behind his ear, and Hyunjin stilled, momentarily, as you touched him.

He was so beautiful, even doing something so mundane.

A small smile on his lips followed, an unspoken gratitude, as you brushed it all away from his face.

He undid the other shoe, pulling them off.

Your hands still lingered by his jaw, holding back his hair, while the pads of your fingertips caressed his cheek, and he didn’t question it.

You were just helping him untie his laces after all. There was nothing else to be said.

He then glanced up at you.

“I’m ready” He declared, pulling his jeans up to his calves, and then dipped his feet in. You laughed at the slight discomfort in his face, due to the temperature of the water.

“That does feel good” He agreed, hand coming to rest next to you, and your fingers urged to grab it.

You were quiet, for what felt like ages, and Hyunjin was too. 

The full moon reflected off the water’s surface, ray of moonlight coating just you and Hyunjin in it entirely. A perfect occurrence. A natural coincidence.

“You know that one painting by Kim Jieong?” 

He knew almost instantly, “The one about the celestial fatality?”

You hadn’t expected him to know it so well, or to even be able to tell what you were talking about, and his recognition and knowledge warmed your heart.

You smiled, “Yeah. Well…it kind of looks like that painting, does it not?”

He tilt his head, as if observing the sky and the moon with a new perspective, connecting all the details and the similarities between the real world and the art, “I think I know what you mean. Have you ever seen it in real life?”

“Yeah. I went to the exhibition, in Jeju. It was my favourite from that collection”

“That’s really cool. I would love to see it in person, but I haven’t yet”

The painting had been beautiful, depicting a pair of lovers drowning in moonlight, literally. 

It was morbid, yet beautiful, and when you’d first seen it you hadn’t understood that it was literal, the title verbatim. There had been endless theories about what the art meant, something about how the lovers got too close to the moon, resulting in their demise, much like the story of Icarus, the god who flew to the sun, had his wings melted… and fell to his death. 

A lot of it was symbolic, metaphors of how people paint their own downfall, and your life wasn’t important enough to have a downfall but you sure felt like you hit rock bottom.

“Do you think he would have painted it on a night, similar to this?” You asked.

Hyunjin turned to you, “At a pool, snuck away from a dinner party with a girl?”

You laughed, “Maybe”

Hyunjin leaned back, “Perhaps. Maybe he recreated it from a real-life memory, or maybe…it was just in his head”

“And now his art came to life” You realised, watching the way the moonlight drowned Hyunjin, skin sparkling like diamonds, curls blowing gently in the wind. 

Whoever said life imitates art probably said that about him.

He watched you watch him, cheeks coated red, “You’re staring at me”

“You look like you belong in that painting” You told him.

“So do you” He hummed, and you felt conscious under his stare. You weren’t sure about drowning in moonlight, but you definitely were drowning in him, and slowly but surely his hand found yours again, slipping his fingers against your own.

He stared at you, for another silent minute, “Is he your favourite artist ever?”

You nodded, “Yeah. I think so. I haven’t seen enough of the world to find my favourite artist”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…the only real paintings I’ve seen have been at the galleries in Daejon, and…there’s not that many exhibitions in this town”

He frowned, “But you’ve seen art online though. Is there no artist you liked?”

You didn’t want him to get the wrong idea, so you explained, “Um, when I look at a painting online, it’s not the same. I don’t think a photograph of it is as effective as the real thing. Not until you actually get to touch it…and see the strokes up close” 

He stayed silent, listening closely, so you took that as a cue to continue.

”I guess that’s an archaic train of thought to have since everything’s digital now, and that’s supposed to make the world feel smaller, but…when you’re stuck in a remote town like Daejon, everything else in the world seems far away”

“Huh…I guess I’ve never thought of it like that” 

You laughed, “That’s because you’ve been all over the world. It’s kind of funny, I’ve been to the museums in Daejon a hundred times. It’s the only art that tangibly exists in my world”

He tilt his head, “Well, which museum would you like to go to?”

You shrugged, “Somewhere in Paris…or New York, or even Seoul. I think…it would change me”

“Change you?”

You glanced at him, swallowing, “To be a better artist. That’s…what good art does”

The hope of becoming better was the only thing keeping you going.

He nodded, eyes searching yours, “Do you think art is the only thing capable of changing us?”

Your brows shot up, “I don’t…understand what you mean”

He leaned back on his palms, looking up at the moon, “I think people can change you, just as much as art does, if not more”

You were confused. 

“Well, yeah, but that doesn’t count, because…it’s just a concept”

“A concept?” He frowned, “Are you implying that I can’t tangibly change you?”

You laughed, “How would you even possibly do that?”

He had an amused expression, “I already have”

Your brows shot up, “What?”

He lift your hands up, where your fingers were still laced together.

You were confused, “What?”

He then pulled his hand back from yours, turning your palm over, “Look at that”

“At…what?”

Hyunjin tsked, “For an artist, you’re a really shit observer, Y/N”

A gasp escaped you, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to be offended, “Shut up. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be observing”

“Look at your fingers” He said, and so you did.

There were indents in your skin, from where Hyunjin’s hand had been holding yours, because of his many metal rings decorating every finger. 

His rings had dug into your fingers, leaving marks and impressions.

He bent down, “See. You held my hand for…a little less than five minutes, but the shape of my rings is going to be on you until tomorrow”

He traced the little creases in your fingers, and knuckles.

“I changed you…tangibly…even if only temporarily” 

You blinked, glancing up at him, “What?”

“Maybe that sounds narcissistic, but it proves my point” He laughed, and you were still trying to process his words.

“Have I ever changed you?” You asked, curious, because you never thought of things like this.

A knowing smile graced him and he grabbed your hand, guiding it to your lips.

“What are you doing” You breathed.

He seemed so calm though, as he ran your finger over his lower lip, where there was a cut in it.

It’s from when you had been kissing him in the photobooth, and you’d bit down on his plush lip, too hard, too harsh, too passionately.

“I’m sorry” You said, automatically, feeling the cut in his flesh, that you’d been responsible for.

Yet, Hyunjin didn’t seem to mind, and he hummed, “You changed me too”

You stared at him, letting him run your fingers over his lips, until he dropped his hand, and yours.

“The cut will eventually heal, but…there’ll be a mark, and that’s tangible. Is it not?” 

You nodded, breathless, “And?”

Hyunjin’s eyes flickered over your body, as if searching for something “And…”

He reached forward, pushing your hair back, and you were confused, until his fingers touched the purple bruise on your neck.

The hickey he’d given you, days ago, the fresh bruising that had formed over the old one, from the night at the Château. 

“That’s…tangible too” He breathed, running his fingers over it, in circles, as if committing it to memory.

He then dropped his hand, lips curled up, “And that’s just from one night together. Imagine if we spent every day together…we’d leave so many traces, and marks…on each other”

You were finding it hard to breathe, because Hyunjin was so simple, but Hyunjin was so…complex.

Everything he said made sense, but nobody had ever said anything like this to you before.

“So, that proves my point” He hummed, although you’d both obviously lost track of the point.

“There’s one more” You blurted.

He tilt his head, “One more?”

“One more…trace that you left on me” You breathed.

His eyes widened, curious, gaze running over you, and your body, trying to figure what you were talking about.

“Show me” He spoke, voice low, impatient when he found nothing.

So you did. 

You grabbed his hand, fingers wrapping around his slender ones, and you brought it closer to you.

Hyunjin held his breath, as you guided his hand to your lap.

Then, slowly, you dragged his fingers up your thighs, slipping his hand under your dress, and for a second, panic flashed through his eyes.

Until he realised what you meant.

His fingers traced the flesh of your thighs, brows raising in worry, “What…happened?”

“It’s from before. The photobooth. When I was sitting…on you…your jeans…they cut me”

“Fuck” He mumbled, realisation sinking into his expression, “I’m sorry”

“It’s not your fault” You told him.

But he didn’t seem convinced. 

It wasn’t his fault, it was both of yours. 

Hyunjin had been rough, and you’d been perfectly okay with that, not even realising his denims had chafed your skin, when he’d been grinding up into you in the photobooth.

You’d been so caught up in each other at the moment. His hands had held your hips so perfectly, nails digging into the flesh as held you over his bulge. 

The memory of it made you clench, around nothing. 

Everything had been so intense, and quick, and you’d been so distracted by the feeling of how hard he was, that you didn’t care that the seam of his denim, and the zipper of his jeans, had scratched at your skin, leaving marks running alongside your underwear.

“It doesn’t hurt, right?” His voice was above a whisper, and it was hard to focus on anything when his hand was under your dress, so close to where you wanted him.

“No, it doesn’t” You reassured him, “Don’t worry about it”

You sat still, just like that, for a few seconds more, and to anybody else, this would be so wrong.

Hyunjin and you were sat by yourselves, legs dipped into the fluorescent pool, and his hand was under your skirt.

It looked wrong. It looked much more than what it was, but how could you explain to anyone that the only thing you were doing was showing him how he marked you?

Showing him how he changed you.

Physically.

Tangibly.

In every form ever capable.

“I think, I know what you mean now” You admitted.

His eyes were half-lidded, as he nodded and pulled his hand back, “Yeah”

Simply because friends didn’t put their hands up the others’ skirt, no matter what you had to show them.

It was quiet again, as you and Hyunjin stared at each other, reeling in the consequences of what had happened before, and could never happen again.

“I think the way that you think is beautiful” You added.

His lips curled up, “I think the same about you”

You looked away, because this was quickly becoming too intimate for you. You swung your legs forward, and then back, heels hitting the pool wall.

“I forgot what we were talking about” You mumbled, “Before”

Hyunjin laughed, easily returning to his playful self, and it was getting easier for the two of you to bounce back to your usual selves after moments like this. 

The tension would always be there.

“You were telling me how you want to see more art, because you think it’ll change you, and make you a better artist”

You nodded, recalling your trail of thought, “Right. I get so inspired by other artists, but that can be kind of hard when there are not too many around me”

“I know what you mean. When I first realised I was interested in art, I wasn’t even sure what style I liked, until I started visiting galleries and exhibitions, and…forming opinions about the stuff I saw. Sometimes I felt bad if I disliked something, because I know the artist put so much thought into it, but that’s when I realised that not all art touches me the same way, and that it’s okay. Some art…is beautiful, but some art…is gut-wrenching”

“Gut-wrenching?”

“Like…it makes your chest wrench, and gut hurt, but you still like it”

That’s how you felt for him.

“I see”

“So, what art makes you feel like that?” He asked you.

“Jieong... Something about his work is just so special…it’s almost dream-like, but not in an uncomfortable way”

“You really like him, huh?”

You laughed, “Yeah. I haven’t had many options either. Maybe once I go to Paris, I’ll fall in love with some other artist”

“I’m sure you will”

You turned to him, “What about you, then? You’ve been all over the world”

He stared at you, thinking, “I don’t know. Even if I tell you…you’re not going to agree with me”

You frowned, “Why would I not? It’s not up to me to decide, tell me… what art touches you, Hyun?”

He looked right at you, smiling, “Yours”

Your breath hitched in your throat, “Mine?”

His eyes searched yours, and he leaned forward, “Yeah. Yours. See, I knew you weren’t going to believe me”

“You’re…too nice” You mumbled, realising he’d tricked you.

Hyunjin had been to every prestigious art gallery in the world. There was no way he meant that.

He explained, ”When I saw your sketchbook on the train, I…fell in love with the way you work, with the way you see things”

“What do you mean? All I have are…unfinished sketches, and incomplete works. I can never finish a piece in time, I always keep moving to the next, and combining shit. It’s a... fucking mess, is what it is”

Hyunjin leaned forward, “But I admire that, so much”

You laughed, “My incomplete, half-finished sketches?”

He nodded, “If someone goes through your sketchbook, it’s almost like picking at the parts of your brain, seeing how you see things…and it’s so incredibly unique, because it’s exactly how we think, as humans - very few thoughts are actually finished, and come full circle. We think all over the place, and never the same thing for too long, fragments of memories and inspirations collide together, and our mind it’s always skipping records…like a record player, or changing channels on the radio. Your art is like that for me”

You stared at him, words caught in your throat.

No one had ever said something like this to you. 

Nobody had ever fallen in love with your art before. 

“A radio station?” 

He hummed, “Yeah. Remember when we go on road trips, and lose connection with a station? You keep switching, and changing until you find one to tune into, and when it comes together the music is perfect, and everything aligns, and it is so satisfying. Your art…is just like that”

You nodded, turning away, familiar dread settled in your chest again. 

“You really think that way?”

He nodded, “Of course I do”

It was eating you, from the inside out, and talking to Hyunjin had been a good distraction until he started talking about you like you were some great artist, when you clearly weren’t.

Your art amounted to nothing, and your talent…if you could even call it that, was nonexistent.

All of the emotions, from before, hit you, all at once.

“You’d be the only one” You mumbled.

“What?” Hyunjin asked, confused, seemingly distracted by the way the lights from the pool reflected off his rings.

“You’d be the only one that thinks that way” You repeated.

At those words, he turned his head to look at you, “What do you mean?”

You stared at him, suddenly feeling like the worst person in the world, and like a complete failure at the same time.

Hyunjin liked your art, genuinely, and now it just felt like you let him down too. On top of everything else.

He seemed more confused, the longer that you didn’t speak, and his lips parted, to say something, but you interrupted him.

“I didn’t get in”

He stilled, recognition flashing through his eyes, “What?”

“I…” You took in a breath, “I didn’t get into the art program. In the city…in Seoul”

His eyes widened, and he sat up straight, “What? Are…are you sure?”

You nodded, “Yeah. I am”

He didn’t seem convinced though, which was sweet, that he believed in you, “Show me”

“Hyun-“

“Show me” He insisted, extending his hand forward.

So you unlocked your phone, and the page it was stuck at, into his open palm.

Your heart sank in your chest, for the millionth time, as he read the words.

“All applicants have been personally contacted. Thank you for your participation”

Hyunjin was quiet.

“Yeah” You spoke, voice unsteady as you grabbed your phone from him, to turn the screen off, “I knew that I wouldn’t get in though”

“I don’t understand”

You glanced up at him, “It’s fine. I…expected it”

Hyunjin stared at you, eyes swirling with confusion, “Did you check your email? Maybe they contacted you”

“I didn’t get any email”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure, Hyunjin” You kept your phone to the side, turning to face the view again.

You don’t know what you felt. It was a relief, in a way, to finally know. You had been scared this whole time of moving away, and what your friends would say, but you wouldn’t have to worry about that anymore.

You’d be in Daejon forever, and maybe that’s how things were supposed to be.

Hyunjin was still quiet. 

He had so much blind faith in you, for no fucking reason. All of his compliments about your art, fell flat. Clearly it hadn’t been good enough.

“Write them an email, or …or call them”

“What?”

“You need to tell them how much you care about this program. If they know maybe they’ll-

You shook your head, “Hyunjin, I’m not gonna write them an email. That’s crazy”

“But there’s no harm in it, is there? Just ask them? Maybe they’ll have a spot open up again, and they can consider you”

“I really don’t want to beg them”

His voice raised, “You’re not begging. You’re just asking for what you want, a reconsideration or…maybe they can put you on the waitlist” 

You sighed, trying to not feel the extent of this moment, “Hyunjin, it’s fine. If it was supposed to happen, it would have. It didn’t. Maybe it’s because that’s not the life for me”

“Y/N…” His voice trailed off, at the emotion in your tone.

“It’s fine” You looked away at the view, but the sky reminded you of the painting, and art reminded you of failure, “At least now I know for sure”

His brows furrowed together, “Y/N… I’m sorry, I…I really believed you’d get in”

You glanced at him, “For real? You actually thought that? Not just because you’re my friend?”

His eyes widened at your question, “Did you listen to what I just said about your art? Of course I fucking thought that. They’re making a huge mistake. You’re incredible, Y/N”

Your voice broke, tears threatening to spill, “Did I disappoint you?”

“What?” His response was harsh in return, and he shifted closer to you, “Why would you ever think something like that?”

“I mean…you said all this stuff about my art-”

“And that’s still true” He interrupted you, hand moving to your knee to grab your attention, “You could never disappoint me”

You swallowed, “I wanted to get in”

His gaze softened, squeezing your knee, “I know. I really wanted you to get in”

“I guess this is how it’s supposed to be”

“What can I do… for you?”

“What?”

“I want to make you feel better. What can I do?” He asked, leaning closer.

Your heart melted, at the tenderness in his eyes.

“Hyun…you don’t have to do anything”

He shook his head, and grabbed your hand, “No, I want to. This…fucking sucks, and I’m positive there’s been a mistake. There’s no way they can not choose you”

Your lips tugged up, “You have too much faith in me”

He frowned, “For the right reasons. They’ve obviously made a mistake. I mean…you’re so talented, Y/N. How can anybody not choose you?”

You wanted to laugh, at the irony of everything, at the boy who was comforting you for not being chosen. 

“I don’t know” You mumbled, voice breaking.

You glanced at your lap, and your interlocked hands, and the way the light caught onto Hyunjin’s rings. 

“I’m not looking forward to tonight ending”

“Why?”

“I have work on Monday, but…I don’t know. The only reason I did so many jobs this summer was so I could move into my apartment in the city, but that’s not happening anymore so I…have nothing to look forward to”

“Y/N…you don’t have to go to work then”

“But then what am I supposed to do? Everything feels so pointless. I feel …useless”

His voice was so tender, “Hey, look at me. Why would you ever feel useless?”

“I had this goal, and now that I…didn’t get it. What am I supposed to do? I…was so ready to move out of Daejon, and I was so ready to do something new. I’m so tired of the same shit, every single day. Just thinking of being stuck here for the rest of my life sounds so fucking horrible”

“I understand why you feel that way” He spoke, and there was no surprise about his statement, because if anybody would understand, it would be him.

It was the reason you’d just confided the entire truth in him, something you’d had trouble accepting even to yourself.

“Thank you” You replied, shooting him a tight smile, before focusing on the water again, embarrassment settling in your stomach at what he now knew.

“But...” He began, and you turned to him, wondering what more he could possibly say, “...but this town doesn’t have to be as suffocating as you think”

You frowned, “What do you mean?”

Hyunjin’s eyes crinkled as he glanced at you, “I mean…I feel freer here than I ever did back in Seoul, so perhaps it’s not as suffocating as you think”

“But it’s different for you” You blurted.

His eyes widened, just slightly, but he didn’t react further. Instead, he let you speak.

Not having the energy to filter your thoughts, even if they came out harsher than you intended, you said, “You like it here because...your life back there is stressful and busy, and over here it’s not. You have something to compare to. For you...this town isn’t your entire world, so you can pick, and you can choose what you like, but I can’t. So no, it’s not the same thing, Hyun”

His brows furrowed together, and you weren’t sure if you offended him but he shifted closer to you, just a little bit. 

You wouldn’t have noticed it if it weren’t for the obvious way the water sloshed with his movement, and if it weren’t for the obvious way your heart rate picked up, just at this unfortunate platonic proximity.

“Have you always felt this way for this place?” He asked, curious.

Your hands gripped the tiles tighter, and you swallowed, “No, I love Daejon. Well, I used to...but I can’t stand being here anymore, even for another second”

It didn’t matter if your words were privileged, or bratty, or demanding. He wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t judge.

He was quiet again, a muted silence filling the air until he asked you, “Can I help?”

“Help with what?” You turned to him. 

You knew that absolutely nothing could help how worthless you felt at the moment, but if anything in the world could change that feeling, Hwang Hyunjin would probably be the best shot.

“What do you love about home?” 

You stared at him, at the simplicity of his question, and you could tell where he was heading with this, even though it was futile. If you were in his place, you would have done the same thing, “I don’t know, Hyun”

“Tell me the first thing, off the top of your head that you love about here”

You shrugged, “I guess it’s pretty”

It was an obvious truth. A simple fact. 

Your little town, in this little part of the world, was beautiful, and it had certainly made you as a person. It had shaped you, and what your life was going to be. 

Maybe if you'd been born somewhere else, you wouldn’t have been an artist. Maybe if you grew up in a steel jungle, you wouldn’t have ever felt so inspired as to pick up your paints. 

Hyunjin’s lips tugged up, as if your answer wasn’t satisfactory enough for him, which hurt you, just a tad, on top of everything that had happened earlier, “You’re gonna have to be more specific than that”

“For what, exactly?” You tilt your head.

“I mean...what do you love about home? Other than the fact that it’s pretty” He laughed, “What’s your favourite thing to do here?”

You peered at him, trying to decipher his thoughts, “I guess... swimming at the Creek at night...that’s fun”

It was an uninspired answer, something you’d only thought of because of where you were at the moment, but Hyunjin smiled, so maybe it did satisfy him now.

You knew that nothing at the moment could make you feel better, but if he smiled just like that a hundred more times, maybe everything would be okay again.

“Perfect, and what else makes you happy here?” He asked, shifting closer, and if he kept this up, soon enough he would be touching you.

Your eyes narrowed, “Where are you going with this?”

“Just tell me”

“Fine” You sighed, trying to think back to your life, not wanting to blank out when he was so insistent on knowing this for some reason.

“I used to like going to the drive-in theatre, with my friends” You remembered, “And getting ice pops with Lix by the stream, and-”

“Wait” Hyunjin interrupted you.

“For what?” You were confused.

“Give me a second. I’ll be right back” With that, he lift his legs out of the pool, and moved to stand up.

“Wait, what? Where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back, Y/N” He smiled at you. You stared at his retreating figure, confused at the point of this entire conversation. 

When Hyunjin came back, he held a paper napkin and a black sharpie in his hand. You were even more baffled by this.

“What are you doing?” You asked.

He sat back down, closer to you than he had been this entire night, crossing his legs over the white tiles, so that your leg was touching his, absentminded, casual. 

Placing the fragile napkin on the floor between you, he scribbled onto it everything you had just told him.

“Hyun…” 

“Shh, wait” He spoke, his whispered command making you shut up. 

You watched him, with the curls falling into his face, concentrated, as he wrote down a list, with seemingly random words on it.

You could appreciate the sentiment, and the gesture, but things were more complex than this. 

He was making a list of all the things you’d just told him, and even though you liked the effort, you wanted to tell him that it was a futile task yet again. 

“Hyunjin” You spoke, reaching out to touch his arm, as he scribbled on more things onto the paper, in illegible but beautiful handwriting. He then lift the pen, holding it between his lips as he straightened the napkin out with his hands, metal rings scratching against the tissue.

“What are you even doing?” You laughed.

He glanced up at you, the black marker tucked between his mouth, and he was so cute in the moment that you almost forgot all about the horrible feeling in your stomach, and about how this had possibly been the worst week ever.

He capped the pen, pursing his lips, and spoke simply, “I’m gonna make you fall in love with Daejon again”

You frowned, a nervous chuckle escaping, “What?”

“I came back home, to feel like myself again. I told you that, right?”

“Yeah”

He tilt his head, “Well, it…worked, obviously. Even though there’s been…moments that have sucked and days I’ve wished to just...not exist, I’ve never been as inspired before, as I am here, in this place, and I need you to feel the same”

“By doing what? Making a list of the stuff I like isn’t gonna change my feelings, Hyunjin” 

Your harshness did not affect him though, “I’m not making a list”

You frowned, “Then what are you making?”

"A... schedule”

“What?” You laughed.

He hummed, pointing at the words on the napkin, “All of this stuff...makes you happy, right?”

“Yeah” 

“Then... you need to do it, Y/N” He stated, simply.

You frowned, and his idea was sweet, and it certainly was kind, except that you’d already tried this before a few times, yet your feelings had not changed, and you still hated everything.

“I hate to break it to you but I've tried that, Hyun, and it hasn’t worked. Why would it be different this time? I’ve already done everything on here”

Hyunjin’s lips tugged up, a sparkle in his eyes, as he spoke, “Mmh yeah, you’re right but... you haven’t done it with me”

“With you?” 

He hummed, “We should start tomorrow”

The sliding doors of the patio creaked open then, breaking your silence and calm. Being with Hyunjin out here certainly felt like a different world, and you weren’t looking forward to going back to the real one.

Footsteps echoed on the wooden porch, “Y/N?”

Craning your neck, you saw Yeonjun. 

He was barefoot, drowning in a grey sweatshirt, and pants, hood pulled up around his face. He looked adorable, eyes big and wide, but you couldn’t help but notice how reserved he seemed. You still didn’t know what went down between him and Hana at the party, but you hope he would tell you when he was ready.

“Yeah?” You asked.

“The food is ready. You guys should come in”

You looked back at Hyunjin, ready to finally have a peaceful night with him, but he was frowning at his phone.

“What happened?” You asked.

He stood up, “Something with Jisung…I have to go, Y/N. I’m sorry”

“What…you’re leaving?” You glanced up at him, “You didn’t even eat”

He sighed, pushing his phone into his pocket, and he looked pissed, “I’ll…see you later, and explain everything, I promise”

You squeezed his hand, pulling him closer, standing in the glow of the pool, “Hyun...let me help, I can come with you. What is wrong? Please don’t...leave. I can help you feel better too”

His gaze softened as he looked at you, “I promise I’ll call you later. It’s just some issue with the media, I’ve been trying to sort it the past few days, and I need a little more time”

“Hyun” Your voice broke, because if he left, you’d just go back to feeling the horrible way you were, “Can’t I come? I don’t want you to deal with it alone”

His lips twitched up, “Y/N...please don’t worry. I’ll fix things, and be back. You should enjoy the dinner, Yeonjun did it just for you”

Suddenly you were panicking again. Everything kept pulling him apart from you, and any other time you could take it, but not now.

You needed him to stay with you.

“I don’t want you to leave me” You mumbled, voice breaking as you pulled him closer.

He stumbled towards you, towering over you, as his hand came up to hold your jaw, “Baby....I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I’ll call you, okay?”

Your eyes widened at the nickname, making your heart flip, and then Hyunjin pressed a quick kiss to your cheek, holding you close, “I’ll come right back to you”

»»————-

He didn’t call.

At least not until you’d already fallen asleep, passed out from waiting up so late for it.

Days of no sleep is what had led to this, and you woke up with the worst headache of the year, head pounding, a strange nausea overtaking you. 

A buzzing had pulled you out of your haze.

You ignored it, burying your head under your pillow, but it kept ringing.

Blindly, your hand snaked around the blanket until you grasped onto the shape of your phone.

Your eyes opened slowly, staring up at the ceiling of a bedroom, blinking to orient yourself to the darkness.

You don’t even remember how, but you had passed out in Yeonjun’s house, not even having the energy to go home after the dinner. He had put you to sleep, and tucked you into bed, like the angel that he was.

But you were so tired.

Your limbs felt heavy, head hurting. It was almost past four, and your phone kept buzzing.

Hyunjin was calling you. Finally.

You put the phone to your ear, mumbling weakly, “Hey”

He seemed surprised that you’d picked up, “Y/N. I didn’t think you were awake”

“But you were calling me…”

“I know, but I thought you fell asleep” He cursed under his breath, “Fuck. I’m so sorry. Did I wake you?”

You shook your head slowly, feeling lethargic from all the drinking earlier.

“Y/N?” He asked, and you realised he couldn’t see you, so you spoke up, “No, you didn’t wake me”

His breathing was soft on the other end, “I’m glad you picked up”

“Is everything okay, Hyun? You left…in such a hurry”

He sighed, “No, it’s not. But…it’ll be fine. I was talking to Jisung, we were figuring something out. That doesn’t matter. How are you feeling now? If you’re still not feeling that great, do you want me to come over?”

There were so many questions but you fixated on the last, still half-asleep, “You would do that for me?”

“I would do anything for you”

Your breath hitched, “Really?”

“Of course. All right, maybe not anything” He laughed, giggle echoing in your ear, but your head was blindingly in pain.

“I feel like shit” You mumbled.

The shift of tone was immediate, “What’s wrong?”

You stared up at the ceiling, “Just thinking about the Lakehouse… and how terrible it was”

Hyunjin still didn’t know what had happened with Hana. He didn’t know how shitty you’d felt for it, compounded by the pain of the rejection.

“Do you want to talk about it, or…do you want me to distract you?”

Your heart melted at his consideration, “Distract me, please”

“Okay. I can do that. I’ll just put some stuff away, all right?” You heard shuffling on the other end, and while he did that, you opened your texts, after putting him through on speakerphone so you could still hear him. Lowering the brightness so your phone didn’t blind you, you scrolled through your texts, as Hyunjin rummaged about in the background. 

yeonjun:

you passed out :]

im downstairs if you need me :)

water’s in the fridge, and i found your old blanket, from when we used to sleepover

hope you still like purple

And another...from her.

hana:

i need to talk to you

asap

The noise on Hyunjin’s end finally died down.

“What were you doing just now?” You asked him.

“I…was… painting. I just put it to the side so that I could talk to you without any distractions”

You pulled the blanket over yourself, “You worked on it all night?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t feeling my best, so…painting helps, and I didn’t want to call you when I’m frustrated, so I was…calming myself down”

You stared ahead, remembering the argument with Hana, and tears shot up your eyes. “Hyunjin…”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“I had a really bad week” You muttered, “So…I may not be the most fun to talk to right now, sorry”

“I don’t care. I just…need to know if you’re okay… I know you said you don’t want to talk about it, but…”

You turned over in bed, squeezing your face into the pillow, “If I talk about it I’ll cry”

“Hey, hey, hey. You’re not allowed to cry on my watch”

A chuckle escaped you, as a tear slid down your cheek, “I wish there were less drama in my life”

He laughed, “Tell me about it. I wish the same”

“I feel like…everything hates me”

“That’s…not true, at all. You have me”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “I’m usually a much more fun person. Aren’t you tired of…always trying to make me feel better?”

His voice was soft as honey, liquid gold to your ears as he murmured, “I could never be tired of you, or anything that you do”

Everything he said just made you feel even worse, recalling all the words Hana had spewed at you.

“You’re just saying that…” You mumbled.

“No, I’m really not. I told you…when I’m home, I find comfort in you; nothing can change that”

You chewed your lip, thinking about his words, “Can you stay on the phone with me…till I feel better?”

“I don’t know. Is the sky blue?”

“What?”

He laughed, “Of course I will. That’s not even a question. The answer is obvious”

Oh. He was making a joke.

“Sorry, I’m just…out of it” 

“Can you please stop apologising? I hate hearing that from you”

“I can’t help it”

He hummed, voice lightening up, “Remember when we were going up to Yongbok’s cabin?”

You hummed, “Of course I do, and you told me not to say sorry anymore”

“Yeah, I did. Seems like you don’t really listen to anything I say”

“Stop” You laughed, “You know that’s not true. I hear everything you say…do you remember I fell asleep on you?”

You could hear the smile in his voice, and you could imagine his eyes crinkling prettily, “Yeah. You looked adorable”

You flushed, cheeks reddening under the simple compliment, “Well…out of all the places that I’ve fallen asleep, your shoulder would be a top ten”

“A top ten…that’s blasphemous , I think”

You giggled, “That’s not even what blasphemous means, but okay… a top three. I’ve slept on some pretty great couches, you know”

“I’m really, really great to fall asleep on” He defended.

“Sounds fake…but okay”

“You don’t believe me?”

“It’s not like you can ever prove me wrong anyway”

His voice was low, but casual, “Yeah…for that, we would have to sleep together”

You swallowed, “Yeah”

There was silence for a few seconds, and for the first time in hours, your gut twisted for something other than anxiety. 

Your core tightened, but then the guilt from Hana immediately crept up again, so you switched the topic, “Um, so…what were you working on when I called? A painting?”

“Yup”

“Is it a painting of me?”

Hyunjin laughed, loudly, “Do you want it to be a painting of you?”

You hummed, head still muddled with sleep, “Yes. You should… paint me”

“Sure. You’ll have to pose for me then though, because I’ve never done that before” He laughed.

“Now that you say that, I just realised I’ve never painted a human from reference before? Maybe you can model for me…”

Hyunijn laughed, “What do I have to do? Just sit still and look pretty?”

“You wouldn’t have to try too hard” You smiled, fiddling with the ends of your blanket.

He flushed, eyes crinkling prettily, “Thanks”

You smiled, closing your eyes to relish in his voice, “You’re so sweet”

He laughed, “This is just me being a good friend”

“No, you’re the actual fucking sweetest” 

“I try” He hummed, “You sound tired, Y/N”

“I am”

He frowned, “Do you want to go back to sleep? I’m sorry that I woke you”

Panic rushed through you, “No, don’t go. I like talking to you right now…and your voice, it calms me”

“Okay” He smiled, “I’ll stay right here then, just for you”

You smiled, feeling dizzy and crazy, melting just at the sound of his voice, and you shifted in your blankets, “Thank you for staying with me, Hyunnie”

He laughed, the purest sound in the universe, “Hyunnie? Is that my new nickname?”

“Do you not like it? It slipped out, sorry” You bit your lip, and you were far too tired to filter your thoughts.

His giggle proved you wrong, “No, it’s so cute. You sound adorable right now”

“That’s because I’m so fucking hungover, and sleepy” You laughed.

“How was the dinner?” He asked.

“It was okay, the food was really good, and I had a good time...with Yeonjun, and the other people I’ve been neighbours with them but never really friends, so it was nice...to catch up”

“And did you like the Lakehouse? I remember when I went” He asked, after a beat, “I just thought it was…far too big, and impractical”

You laughed, “I’m confused about one thing about the Lakehouse, Hyun”

“Yes?”

You pretended to think really hard, “Where was the lake?”

Hyunjin giggled, loudly, and your soul ascended at the beauty of his laughter, and god you hadn’t even talked for five minutes but you were already so much happier.

“It’s in the back. You didn’t even see it?” He laughed.

“I was too busy having a terrible night” You shrugged, the memory of it coming back.

“I’m sorry. Fuck. I said I’d distract you. We don’t need to talk about the party anymore. Switching topics, asap”

You laughed, loud, the sound echoing through Yeonjun’s empty room, “What will we talk about then?”

He shuffled around, papers ruffling, “Give me a second. I have a list”

“A list?” Your brows shot up.

“Hmm, it’s called - list of things to say to y/n so i can make her laugh. It’s the front page of my journal”

You laughed, “Stop. You’re so cute and ridiculous”

He frowned, offended, “Ridiculous? I could actually have that list though”

“You have a journal?” You asked, sinking even deeper into the mattress. The room was cold, but your blanket was just the right amount of warm, comforting, and you finally felt a bit more at peace.

You could worry about the art program tomorrow, and you could worry about being a horrible person tomorrow.

Today, you were sleepy, and smiling, and infatuated with the boy on the other end.

“Mmh, I do. I got it back in the city, so I could write down what I felt, at the end of each day”

“If only every other boy in the world was like you” You sighed.

He laughed, so boyish, so attractive, “Well, I’m like me”

“But you’re not here” You whined, without thinking, without considering. 

There was silence on the other end, and then he spoke, “You want me to be?”

It wasn’t what he said. It was the way he said it. Voice hoarse, husky with tiredness, laced with confidence which made it so sexy.

What if he was here?

You couldn’t resist him in an amusement park, you sure as hell wouldn’t be able to resist him in a bed.

Your core tightened, and you pushed your thighs together, “Yeah. I do. Are you…in your bed, Hyun?”

His reply was calm, as if this conversation was completely normal for two friends, “I am, yeah”

You fiddled with the strings of your hoodie, “What are you doing?” 

“Talking to you…and staring up at the ceiling”

“Me too…” You added, feeling hot all of a sudden. You were both in beds, just different ones. It was wrong.

You swallowed, “Maybe we should talk about something else”

“Should I …bring out my list?”

It made you laugh, “Stop. You don’t actually have a list”

“Would you think I’m crazy if I did?”

You sat up in bed, “What? You’re serious?”

Hyunjin flushed, “It’s not a list, per say. It’s just…god this sounds fucking creepy now”

“Tell me”

He sighed, “I made a list of stuff that you like…and things that make you happy”

Your breath hitched, “You actually did?”

“Yeah…”

“Why did you do that?” Your voice was soft.

“It was during the week that…we weren’t talking to each other. The night you cried at The Château. I’d never meant to hurt you like that, and I just…made it, so despite whatever happens...I don’t forget the end goal of why I’m doing everything this way”

“What is the end goal?” You frowned.

“Making you happy” He said, simply, and then cleared his throat, “I mean...that’s the whole reason that...we can’t be anything because if we are, I know you’ll get hurt, and I never want that to happen, not because of me”

Your heart melted and turned you into mush, “What...is the list? Is it like, a real list?”

“Just…a lot of random things” He laughed, embarrassed, “Strawberry streusels, that one 80s song they always play in the diner…”

“Which one?”

“By that Australian band, that one song... Making Love Out of Nothing at all” He replied, “They keep playing it on repeat in the diner, and I think everybody is sick of it by now, but every time it does play, you’re...always smiling”

You wanted to cry now, for an entirely different reason. When had he ever even noticed something as insignificant as that? Even you hadn’t realised something as simple as that.

“What else?” You asked, voice soft.

“Claw machines, cranberry with tequila but only when it’s from that one shop next to Aera’s” He laughed, “Photobooth strip pictures…”

You blinked, “You did that…just to make me happy?”

“Of course. I don’t really know how to explain, without it sounding like the cheesiest shit ever”

“Please…explain”

“Okay” Hyunjin breathed in, “It was a few weeks ago, after Felix’s birthday when I first realised it”

“Realised what?”

He chuckled, awkwardly, “God, this is. You’re gonna laugh at me”

“I promise I won’t. If I had to laugh at you, Hyun, I would have when you mentioned that list”

Hyunjin giggled, “Okay...touché. I guess, I just realised that...making you happy…is what makes me the happiest. I know that sounds stupid, because I shouldn’t amount my happiness to another person, but I can’t help it...it’s the truth”

You tried to process his words, not understanding the connotation or the seriousness.

You held your breath, as he spoke, and a part of you felt like you were dreaming it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt as satisfied as I do when I make you laugh. It makes me feel like…coming home was worth it, because I see you and you’re- you’re so fucking gorgeous when you-”

Was it normal for friends to say this to their friends?

You stilled, “Maybe…I should make a list too for you, stuff that makes you happy”

He smiled, “That won’t be too extensive”

“Why?”

“You’ll be the main thing on it”

Your heart jumped, and this love was so cruel, “Don’t…say that”

“I’m sorry” He apologised, genuine, and it spoke so much more than it was supposed to.

I’m sorry I can’t stay with you.

I’m sorry I can’t love you.

I’m sorry that you still make me happy.

I’m sorry, that you have to eventually fall in love with someone else because I can never be yours.

Your head hit the pillow again, and you were so overwhelmed, “Hyun…you’re in bed?”

He nodded, simply, “Yeah, I am”

It felt like a different universe, just you and him.

Everything else didn’t matter.

Why was he so far away from you?

“I wish I was with you” You mumbled, throwing caution to the wind.

You were the worst friend in the world to Hana but right now, you’d accept your fault. 

The only thing you wanted was him.

You had already made so many mistakes.

One more wouldn’t make a difference.

“What are you wearing?” You asked, voice soft.

Hyunjin was silent, and then he replied, “Just…my boxers”

The answer did nothing to help your frustration, and your core clenched.

“You’re…shirtless?” You swallowed.

“Yeah” He answered, “I usually sleep without a shirt…it’s more comfortable”

“Oh” You spoke, trying to control your thoughts. You’d seen countless shirtless boys before, why was your body reacting this way just at the thought of him?

“What about you?” He asked, and the tone of the entire conversation shifted.

You squeezed the phone in your grip, “I’m…in a hoodie...” 

“Is that… all that you’re wearing?”

“Yeah” You mumbled, hand slipping down to your bare legs, tracing the band of your lilac underwear.

It was quiet again, and you could only hear his breaths, “Fuck. You’re not…cold?

“No” You shook your head, hand moving across the blanket, “I’d be warmer if you were here though…”

He smiled, “If I was there, I’d warm you up in a minute”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You like cuddling, don’t you?”

“I love it” You smiled, “Are you…a big spoon kind of person, or small?”

“What do you think?” He hummed.

You bit your lip, “I think you’re big”

“Yeah…I am”

The implications of that…made you squeeze your thighs together again.

You turned to your side, curling up your legs, “Are you…the kind of person that holds people throughout the night, or do you like your own…space?”

His voice was breathy, “If it was you, I’d hold you the entire night”

You could imagine it all. Hyunijn’s body wrapped around yours, his arms around your bare stomach, snaking down your body, until he touched you, making you crumble within his arms.

You held your breath, testing the waters, still trying to wake yourself up, “Hyun…You know what else I like?”

“Yeah?”

“When you kiss me”

He took in a deep breath, “I like that too”

“I like the way you kiss, so much. So…soft, and your lips…they’re perfect. I like the way you take control, and your voice gets all hoarse between kisses like you can’t breathe”

His laugh was weak, “I like the way you grab my face, when I kiss you”

“Your hands are so pretty, I love them too” You mumbled, “And I love…when you wear the rings, your fingers…I wish you were here”

“What would you want me to do with them?” 

He asked, soft-spoken, like he wasn’t seducing you with every word.

You flushed, burning hot, but you didn’t care about being embarrassed or being forward, not when Hyunjin sounded so fucking sexy on the other end, not when his voice had dropped so low it sent shivers down your spine, not when you knew he was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers.

“I want them…in me”

You heard him take in a breath, “Yeah?” 

“Yeah”

“You want me to finger you?”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “Yeah, please”

“Will that make you feel good?”

“It will. Please. It’ll make me feel so good”

He hummed, “If I was there-”

You squeezed your eyes shut, the thought of Hyunjin being in your bed driving you crazy,

“How many?” You asked, a callous whisper.

His voice was hoarse, “It depends…How many can you take?” 

You shifted on your pillow, feeling restless, feeling crazy, “Two”

“Two? Is that enough…to stretch you out?”

You shook your head, voice thinning, “I don’t think so, but…”

“But?”

You bit your lip, remembering past experiences, “But more will hurt”

“I would never hurt you” He promised, “I’d... make you feel so good”

“Then make me feel good, please”

“What do you want?” He asked, his tone becoming more confident with every word, “You want my fingers in you the entire night, stretching you out slowly?”

“Hyun” You whined, and you felt like you were going to explode, and you hadn’t even touched yourself.

“I would do that if you asked. Is that enough…?”

“No” You shook your head, “It’s never enough. I want you”

“Just my fingers?” He asked, and he was teasing you.

“No, all of you” You spoke, embarrassed because you didn’t know how to say it, but you just wanted him.

“All of me?”

You nodded, “Yeah. I want all of you, inside me”

“So... you want me to fuck you? Why didn’t you just say that then, baby?”

Your eyes widened, the nickname sending a rush of excitement through your body, only adding fuel to the scalding fire.

“Please. You said you can go in deep, and-” You trailed off, feeling hot, an ache building between your legs, “Hyun…”

“What is it?”

“I’m…” You trailed off, heat rushing to your cheeks, and you couldn’t think, you couldn’t breathe.

“Are you...wet?” He finished your sentence, and he always knew what you were going to say.

“I am”

“Just by thinking of me?”

“Just you” You wanted to cry, because you needed him, more than anything.

“I wish I could touch you right now” He mumbled.

“But you’re not here” You almost whined, far too sleep-deprived, and far too frustrated to feel embarrassed at it.

“I’m sorry” He apologised, genuinely, “You…can still feel good”

“How?” You frowned, heart hurting, core aching.

“Close your eyes” He said, slowly.

You did that, vision turning black, leaving you feeling more vulnerable, “I did”

“Just focus on my voice, okay? Nothing else”

“Mmh” You mumbled. His voice was hoarse, his breaths heavy, his tone…confident, but nervous.

“It’s like I'm right there…next to you”

“Yeah” You fumbled, as if he was speaking right into your ear.

“What should I do to you?”

“Anything, that you want” You replied.

It’s almost like you could hear the smile in his voice, “Okay. Then I’d kiss you first thing. Your lips are... the sweetest thing I’ve ever tasted” 

You traced your fingers over your lips, wishing his mouth was on yours, and he was pushing you into the mattress, caging you within his arms. Blood rushed to your face, thinking of everything.

“Can I…touch myself?” You swallowed.

Something you’d never said before, and probably would never say to a boy again.

“Of course, baby” 

Your stomach twisted, his low voice in your ear and his words drove you to the brink, and you nodded. You tried to calm your breathing, hand travelling down your body, slipping into your underwear. It was so intimate, and it was crazy that you were doing this with him, and even crazier that you’d do it over and over again and not regret it.

As soon as your fingers came into contact with your core, a whimper escaped you, and you bit down on your lip to avoid making any noise.

He breathed in, impatient, “Tell me what you’re doing please”

He was just as turned on as you, and just as frustrated.

“I didn’t do anything yet, but…I’m really-” You mumbled, “I can’t even breathe, I’m so worked up. If you were here…it would be so easy for you to fuck-”

He cursed under his breath, “You’re so... fucking hot, and...gorgeous. You have no idea how hard it is for me to stay away from you”

“Me too” You whined, and you tried to focus on your fingers, deliberate, subtle but slow, as you circled them around your core, every little movement sending a spark through you, building, and building.

You hadn’t done this in a while, you certainly had never done it like this before, as the hottest boy in the world talked you through it. 

“Does that feel nice?” He asked.

Slowly, you inserted a finger, pushing it in, thinking of him.

A moan left your lips, involuntarily, “You would feel… so perfect” 

“Fuck, you sound so hot” He mumbled, “I wish I was the one touching you right now”

You breathed, adjusting to the feeling of being full, muscles tightening, “Your hands are so perfect, and your fingers…they’re so long-”

“Yeah, I’d go in so deep” He added, breathing heavy, and his words were so simple but so sinful.

“I don’t think my fingers can ever feel as good as yours will” Your eyes brimmed with tears, as you slowly sank it in again, pulling it out.

“Baby, just think that they’re mine okay? Focus on just my voice”

“Okay” You squeezed your eyes shut, building a pace, pushing it in, and then out.

“What is it?”

“I… haven’t done this in a while”

He breathed in, “You must be really tight” 

His cheeks flushed because he had also not done anything like this before, “Fuck. I can’t even imagine how perfect you’d feel around me”

You could hear his breaths, and you’d hardly done anything but you were already so close to the edge.

“Hyun, are you hard?”

He sucked in a sharp breath, “Yeah, I’m so fucking hard”

“But you’re not touching yourself”

He sighed, ”Yeah I’m not…I can’t. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, or…” 

You whined, “Please. I want to make you feel good too”

“Y/N…”

“I know…I know that we’re friends, but…but…you deserve to feel good, more than anyone. I promise you’re not making me uncomfortable”

He was quiet, and you could only hear his breaths until he spoke, “Fuck. Okay”

You knew it was stupid, that it’d change things, ruin your friendship forever, and that you were going against every moral you’d ever had. You shifted in your bed, pulling the blanket up higher, as you concentrated on the sound of his voice, pushing your finger in deeper, and deeper.

You imagined him, and it made it better.

His fingers inside you, as he slowly curled them, dragging them out slowly, until he pushed them in again. His perfect fucking lips on your skin, and on your jaw, as he fingered you throughout the night.

“Does that feel nice?” He asked, “Go faster if you want, baby”

You imagined him, hand down his boxers, wrapped around his perfect fucking cock, as he talked to you, abs clenching with every breath, and every moan.

His stomach piercing, and the muscles of his arm, and the veins in his hands, as he made himself feel good. 

His hair, falling into his face, sticking to the plush bottom lip, as he bit down on it, drawing blood. It wasn’t fair. You wanted to touch him, not through the fucking phone.

His mouth parted, as soft moans escaped him. Lips perfectly shaped for your mouth, and if you were there, you’d kiss him, and you’d touch him so good.

His biceps flexed, as he dragged his hand over his cock, and you wish you were there, you wish it was your hand. You picked up the pace, back arching, eyes squeezed to hold back the tears, “Hyun. I want you here, please”

“Baby, I can’t” 

You were getting impatient, and upset, “Please, I want you so much. I can’t”

“Y/N…”

“I need you, here"

The movement stopped, and his breath halted, “You need me?”

You nodded, in a fervour, “More than anything. I need you to make me feel good, please come here”

“Fuck, Y/N…” He cursed, as if that was his weakness, and that’s all he had to hear and all logic, and all arguments didn’t matter anymore because he said he wanted to make you happy and this was the only fucking way, “Okay”

Your eyes widened, and you sat up too, hand slipping out of your underwear, “Okay?”

If you did this, there would be no going back. 

His voice was urgent, “Where are you?”

“I’m…at Yeonjun’s, but …I can come over to yours”

“Yeah? Do you want me to go come get you?”

“No, no. I’ll come” You shook your head, getting off the bed, and your feet hit the cold floor.

He let out a groan, “Are you sure you don’t want me to come get you?”

You slipped on your boots, “No, it’s too far and Yeonjun will probably get really mad at me if we fuck-”

You trailed off, realising that when you and Hyunjin met up, nothing would be able to stop you from wanting him in every way possible, and that things would escalate very quick and very soon. Your gut wrenched, a familiar anxiety, and insecurity overwhelming you.

Oh god, what the fuck were you doing?

Why did you never think things through with him?

Why were you going to do something that would hurt you forever?

You didn’t even care about it, because even one night with him would be so perfect. 

His soft voice distracted you again, “Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You stared at the floor, and your bare feet against it.

“Are you okay?”

“We’re not thinking straight” 

He nodded, “Yeah. We’re not...”

You closed your eyes, trying to function, but there was no point, because you would want him at the end of every day, no matter how much you tried to talk yourself out of it.

“I don’t care. I just...wanna be next to you right now”

“Okay” He breathed, “I’ll be here”

You both knew that the minute you met, you’d be all over each other, because you’d never been this turned on before, and you’d make it your life’s goal to make Hyunjin feel good tonight, just as he did with you.

You grabbed a cardigan, probably Yeonjun’s, and then your stuff. Slowly pushing open the bedroom door, you tried to not make a single noise as you stepped out into the dark house.

Holding the bannister, you walked downstairs, single step at a time, until you heard a noise, making you jump.

Sat on the living room couch, beer bottle in his hands, was Yeonjun, head buried in his hands. 

You froze in place, eyes wide, unsure what the fuck to do.

“Yeonjun?”

He looked up, eyes wide and red, and you noticed the trail of tears down his cheeks, “Y/N. You’re…when did you wake up?

“Are you okay?” You asked, stepping closer, noticing two beer bottles by his side.

He cleared his throat, “Yeah”

You raised an eyebrow, “You were upset”

He shook his head, “It doesn’t matter. Were you… going home?”

“No, I’m not going home” You spoke, “What’s wrong, Yeonjun?”

He ignored your question though, and his freshly dyed hair was all messed up, as if he’d ran his hand through it a million times, “Were you going to see Hyunjin?”

“Yeah, I was but Yeonjun, please tell me what’s wrong”

He sighed, gaze falling to the floor, “You know what’s wrong, Y/N. Hana…she…”

“Yeah” You swallowed, feeling all the guilt seeping back, ready to apologise.

“Forget it. I didn’t mean to stop you” He spoke.

You squeezed your stuff in your hands, “No...please, tell me what you were going to say. Hyunjin can wait...a bit. He’ll understand”

Yeonjun stared at you, as if trying to figure out if he should but then he sighed, resting his head on the back of the couch, “Hana is not the girl I fell in love with. Not anymore, and I don’t think she ever can be” 

“What?” You looked at him, not expecting that, “What did you guys talk about?”

“I apologised” He laughed, “Because of course I did. Somehow, I apologised for moving out, and for being cut off from my entire friend group, and it was fine. She was fine. She said…we could give it a week, and see how we feel about each other”

“But…?”

“But then I realised there was no point of that”

“Why?”

He looked up at you, eyes sad, and puffy, “For the longest time, ever since I was like fourteen, I thought she was the love of my life, and that even though we’d broken up we’d still somehow get back together… but the other night I realised that’s not true, it’s fucked up”

You stepped closer, “Why? What happened?” 

His gaze softened, “The way she talked to you…it changed everything”

Your eyes widened, “But…she was right to be mad at me”

“No, she wasn’t. You’ve had feelings for Hyunjin…basically since the day you saw him…and everybody in the world knows that, and she knew that too. She had no right saying all the things she did to you, and it wasn’t even what she said, it was the way she said it. I…can’t reconcile with someone who speaks to my best friend like that. I love her…but I love you, just as much”

“Jun…” Your eyes filled up with tears, involuntarily, “I’m sorry”

“It’s not your fault at all” He chuckled, bitter, “It just sucks…that the person who you thought was meant for you…clearly isn’t”

Your heart broke for him, and you couldn’t even explain what you were feeling. 

Somehow, a part of you had always thought they’d end up together.

“I’m sorry. You…were going to see him, I didn’t mean to stop you” He said, suddenly.

You squeezed the jacket in your hands, “No, Yeonjun. You’re crying. I’m not going to leave you feeling like this”

He fiddled with the beer bottle, “Please. You don’t have to feel obligated to stay with me”

“I’m gonna tell him I can’t come” You spoke, pulling up your phone but there were multiple texts from Felix.

You were confused, “Give me a second, Jun”

yongbokkie:

y/n I heard about what happened at the party

im sorry hana yelled at you, she’s going through a lot right now

and im sorry for being m.i.a

i was trying to figure something out

and i need to talk to you about it

idk if you’re home but im coming over. and ill explain everything to you then, okay?

everything about…why ive been acting this way

please be there.

Oh.

»»————-

Hyunjin knew this was wrong. Everything he was doing was wrong, and he was acting on emotion and intuition, and not on logic, but still, he sat by his bed. He’d put on a shirt, pacing back and forth, because you were actually coming over.

This was going to happen, and he was smarter than this, but he was so stupid when it came to you.

Maybe...he was making the wrong decision, and this could ruin everything more, because you were sad, and he was sad too, and this wasn’t the way for it to happen.

It had only been a few minutes, but he was nervous, and on edge, so he pulled up his phone. 

Chan would be awake right now. Chan was always awake, and he could talk to him about this.

He quickly stopped when he saw the twenty unread texts on his group chat with the boys.

He must have missed them when he was on the phone call with you.

Hoping it was just another little argument, or extended joke between, them he opened it up, but his heart was in his throat, and Hyunjin should have just expected the worst.

jisung:

jinnie, when you see this, give us a call

need to talk, your phone is busy

chan:

he may not be free right now

let’s give him some time

jisung:

yeah just call us as soon as you get time

changbin

you’re gonna freak him out with your texts

he’s probably with yn rn

jisung

sorry, will explain better on the phone

don’t worry, we’re all okay though

just…soohyun being an absolute fucking asshole

chan:

jisung…he’s older than us...but yeah, he is one

i’ll talk to him again tomorrow morning 

dont worry hyunnie

changbin:

of course he’ll be worried

you guys are cryptic as hell

he probably thinks something happened to one of us

chan:

no nothing happened, we’re fine

just the company…is being unreasonable

there’s still some time

but yeah…we thought we should give you a heads up

they want you to come back jinnie.

»»————-

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[sea-moon-star]

SURRENDER || HHJ

Pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x reader

Genre: Smut, NSFW, 18+

WC: 1.7k

Summary: The one where Hyunjin falls head over heels for his idol mentor and his 1st celebrity crush. And even though she tries to resist, she knows it's forbidden in every sense- dating within the same company, being older than him, it's as good as inviting a scandal to their doorstep.. but still she can't help but give in to his charms. (I don't blame her, Hyunjin is irresistible, who are we kidding?) 🌊🌙⭐️

---------------------------------------------

Y/N's POV

I'd been a K-pop idol for 5 years now, by now I was well versed with the industry and even though I'd gotten here through alot of hardship, I'd persevered and let nothing and no one come in the way of be achieving my goals. We were now one of the most respected girl groups, to a point where we'd not only broken countless records but wherein our hoobaes came to us for guidance. Being the leader of my group, I'd slipped into the role of being sunbaemin, quite easily. I was used to being empathetic and helpful, knowing that I'd never gotten that in my journey from trainee to now and I wanted the next generation of idols to have it better. I know that picking a favourite isn't what a mentor should do, but I couldn't help but have a soft spot for one of my mentees- Hyunjin from Stray Kids.

He was from the same company as me and it had all begun when he'd come to me asking for help regarding one of the girl group covers he had to perform. Being the main dancer of my group, I gladly accepted to help him out as the steps were not just difficult but quite feminine in nature, something that boy groups rarely dared to attempt. But this boy's enthusiasm and hard work won me over. He had a pretty face but there was so much more behind it. It has taken me just one performance of him dancing to, "psycho" to know just what potential he was harbouring within himself. He was insecure about his talents, wondered that he'd always be seen as the visual and nothing more. So I sat him down and told just how brilliant of a rapper and dancer he was, and that if I could see it then so would the world. His eyes sparkled and a wide smile lit up his face the moment I said that. He told me he found it hard to believe but that he knew I wouldn't lie and so he had no choice but to take the compliment. It turns out, he was a huge fan of mine, having studied my performances as a trainee and used plenty of my endment speeches as motivation when to help him get to debut. I was used to hearing praise but only rarely did it catch me off guard, I couldn't help but blush at his flattery. He'd even mentioned it on variety shows and interviews countless times that I was his celebrity crush. Even though it was wildly inappropriate, firstly we weren't allowed to date amongst the company idols and secondly, I was 3 years older than him, something that our society would never allow. But it was cute little idea, hypothetically speaking.

He'd never shied away from casually confessing his love for me while I always laughed it off without taking him seriously. I trusted myself, I didn't want to lose such a good friendship and mentorship over such a thing. So far, I'd kept myself on a straight path- while so many other idols from my generation had veered off course by getting into relationships, drugs, money, greed.. I hadnt. If I could resist all that and stay true to my career and self, what was this boy going to do?

But I was wrong, I was so faulty in my impression of him. Or rather in my assumption of my self control. Because I fell in love with him over a series of days and months but I can tell exactly the moments that it happened -

It was in the "criminal" dance performance where he matched the dancing prowess of experts like Taemin and went on to remove that piece of cloth tied around his wrists with his mouth, as I stood by with bated breath... My heart skipping a beat.

It's when he danced contemporary against all my expectations, so different from his usual style but so fine tuned and graceful that I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. The pain and angst in his "when the party's over" choreography made me wanna tear my heart and go ahead to hug him tight.

It only got worse when I watched him perform "Play With Fire". The way his body moved, every isolation, every expression, it broke me. It drove me mad, I wanted to join him and dance alongside him. Match his every body roll, flip and gaze. And when he slipped into a smirk in the middle, it almost made me go weak in my knees. And ofcourse, even as his steps had my attention, I was also distracted by the opening of his buttons one by one. From the moment that rose touched his lips- I knew I wanted to take it from him with my lips caressing his. And so I left even before the performance ended, knowing that what I was thinking was wrong. It was forbidden in every sense, I would survive such a thing but his reputation wouldn't and I wouldn't dare hurt his career that way.

But my final straw was when he invited me to watch his performance for "Red Lights". As it was a sub unit with Bang Chan and him, even though I tried to decline the invite and said I was busy. Bang Chan was a dear friend too, as leaders we'd always bonded with each other. And I didn't want to hurt his feelings by not showing up and so I begrudgingly did. But it unleashed a side of me that I never quite expected. The chains, the red string of fate, the raw sex appeal of it and the lyrics didn't help at all. And the worst part was that he chose to do it while making eye contact with me the entire time.

"I cannot breathe without you being right by my side, I'll die. So can you please come over closer, hold me tight, right now. No matter how hard I try to escape, there's no answer."

And last time I'd left but this time, I was transfixed in the spot. I was out of control, and I couldn't leave him alone. I had to make him feel my love, there was simply no other choice. Because the voice in my head kept growing louder and I knew it would keep me up at night if I didn't follow through.

I went over to Bang Chan and congratulated him over the song, I told him it was their best yet and he was beaming at the compliment. Hyunjin was looking over me expectedly, waiting for similar praise but instead I whispered to him to meet me at the back door, in my merc which would be standing outside in precisely 10 minutes. That way no one would suspect we were going together and I couldn't risk us doing anything together in the building which was teeming with so many people today. I could tell he wanted to ask questions but he nodded nonetheless, trusting me with whatever I had in mind. And those 10 minutes seemed like longest of my life but the moment the door latched open, and he sat down.

I motioned to the driver to begin driving and shut the partition between him and us. Hyunjin raised his brow at me, perplexed and I responded by touching my hand to his, my fingers grazing his. I tilted my head ever so slightly, looking up at him earnestly waiting for a sign that he was okay with this and he wet his lips with his tongue, sending me over the edge. I jumped him, my hand combing through his long locks, his hands on my backside, digging in. Our lips engaged in a battle of their own, our tongues ravaging each other's landscape and our breaths hot on each other's skin. As he tugged at my dress and pulled it over my head, I pulled the knot at his waist, then hastily untied the ropes and undid the buttons, until we were both unabashedly naked.

All the while, our lips hadn't left each other, it was only then that we pulled away for a hit of oxygen before resuming. But that was enough to stop me in my tracks. Everything had happened so fast, I so consumed by him, as he was by me- it was like fire to a moth. But I was the fire and I couldn't help but pause as I realized how much trouble we could get in for this, especially him. "Do you want me to stop? What's wrong, Y/N?" He asked, all the roughness seeping away, a gentle touch to his voice without any hint of frustration even as I'd stopped him in the throes of passion.

"Are you sure this is worth it? That I'm worth it? This will ruin you. You're far too precious for me to step all over you like this. You can have anyone you like. You..." But he put his finger to my lips, nodding side to side as he said, "Yes, I can have anyone I like but you're the one I want. You're the one I've always wanted. And I'm done living for others, I no longer want to play by the rulebook, I want to do this for me, for us. Don't we deserve to be happy just this once? Without thinking of any consequences whatsoever? If you and I want to make love then why does it matter what the others think? Don't get me wrong, if you still want to stop right here I will. But if you want this, even ever so slightly, then let's surrender to this feeling."

And I felt a wave of security, safety and warmth wash all over me as he said that. He was right and all I had to do after months of pining and sleepless nights, was simply give in. And I did. I gave myself upto him and he welcomed me into his embrace, just as our defences crumbled and we truly became one with each other. I remembered a random fact I'd read about him in a magazine, he'd told the author that he'd always said his ideal partner was someone who understood him, who was empathetic and looked out for him. And I guess, I should've known right then that we were meant to be.

THE END. 🌊🌙⭐️

[daebakinc]

Dirty, Dirty Dancing Pt 1 (M)

A Dirty Dancing AU

Pairing: Yunho X Female Reader X Hyunjin (polyamorous relationship)

Word Count: 4.4K

Synopsis: The college campus where boyfriend, Yunho, is a visiting dance instructor seems like every other university you've visited until a secret party reveals it's anything but. After a drunken mishap, promising dance student, Hyunjin, is left without a dance partner. Enlisted in helping him before a big audition, you begin to catch feelings for him. Can you help him and maintain a relationship with your boyfriend?

~Admin V

             You hadn’t picked up a whole lot before arriving at the guest artist accommodations last night, but you knew Yunho wouldn’t mind a simple breakfast of eggs and toast. You were plating them as you heard him enter the small kitchen.

             “Baby, have you seen my black tights? I don’t remember where I packed them.”

             Turning with breakfast in hand, you were taken aback seeing Yunho’s appearance. You’d seen him in gym attire, loungewear, and dance clothes more often than other outfits. But for some reason, his loose-fitting black v-neck and gray sweats made your stomach drop.

             The question he asked was instantly forgotten. “Hmm?”

             “My first classes are pilates and ballet. I need my tights. Are they in your suitcase by chance?

             “Oh, I’m not sure.” You placed the meal on the small dinette. “Let me check.” Focusing on thinking of what was in your suitcase, you passed him to enter the bedroom. Lifting the suitcase to the bed, you opened it and began the search.

             Yunho moved beside you, carefully moving things to look with you. He let out a small chuckle.

             “Did you find them?” You looked over to him.

             He was holding up your small, blue, mountain-shaped vibrator. “I forgot about San.”

             Quickly grabbing the toy from him and placing it next to the suitcase, your attention went back on finding the tights. “Well, you’re often busy, and a girl has needs.”

             He laughed harder this time. “I know, it’s just been some time since I last saw him. He still gets the job done then?”

             “Can you please? I thought you needed the tights for class.”

             It was clear he wasn’t looking anymore. “It’s my first day, I can manage in sweatpants.”

             The mention of his pants made you look at him. He was looking especially good today, even just in joggers. Shaking your head, you looked at him seriously. “You still need to eat breakfast and then trek across campus to the dance studio.”

             “I can make it fast.”

             Your glare was humorless. “No, you can’t. You are the king of taking your time. And you don’t have time if you don’t want to be late.”

             He reached beside you for the vibrator then waved your toy. “But San can.”

             Your stomach dropped further. “Yunho . . .”

             He moved closer to you, which made you back up in turn. The lust was clear in his eyes. “Are you saying you don’t want to orgasm before I leave for class?”

             No, but if one of you were to be the responsible adult . . . plus you still didn’t find his tights. “Yunho . . .” was all you could make your brain spit out.

             “So, that’s a ‘no’ to the orgasm?” He turned back to the suitcase, as if to put the toy away.

   ��         On its own fruition, your hand jerked out toward him. “Wait.”

             That made him smile. He shoved the suitcase to the corner then practically threw you on the bed, making both of you laugh.

             “You’re supposed to be looking for tights,” you whined as he crawled over you.

             “You already gave in. You can’t scold me.”

             He quickly looked over San before lifting your pajama pants and placing the long edge of the mountain against your clitoris. Happy with the positioning, he turned the vibrator on.

             When alone using your toy, you would use the rounded tip of the mountain in circular motions around your clit. That was not Yunho’s method. He kept it solitary, the length of the side covering your clit and then some. It wasn’t what you were used to, which made it feel surprising and new, making your mouth part.

             He laughed slightly.

             “What?” You searched his face.

             “I’m not usually this close to see your expression when you’re being stimulated,” he turned the vibration to a faster speed, “here.”

             Your mouth opened wider as a moan sounded out. You reached for his shoulders and gripped them as endorphins raced through your body, warming your toes.

             There was something sexy about him watching you, turning your arousal higher, but he wasn’t moving the toy at all, and you craved friction.

             “Please, can you move it a little?”

             An evil smirk appeared on his face. “No.” He pressed a button, making the vibration speed up again.

             You moaned louder, your eyes fluttering shut. Your forehead creased, trying to ease some of the pressure building up. Another cry of delight left your lips when your legs started shaking.

             “See, you’re already going to climax, aren’t you baby?”

             You focused on the sensations pulsing against you, like ripples in a lake, flowing over your bud, through your core, stomach, out your arms and legs.

             A particularly loud cry of pleasure left your lips, causing you to grip Yunho’s shoulders tighter. You inhaled his scent as he leaned in closer.

             “Let it out, baby.”

             Taking a deep breath, your whole body shook as the orgasm washed over you. Beads of sweat dripped from your forehead. Your eyes opened when Yunho didn’t move or turn off San.

             A wide grin covered his face. “Less than 2 minutes. He does get the job done.” Keeping San in place, he moved his hand out from the elastic of your pants, took your wrist, and moved your hand over the toy.

             “Yunho?”

             “You’re going to orgasm for me again, and I’m going to enjoy the wonderful breakfast you made for me.” He leaned down to kiss your forehead and got off the bed.

             “Yunho!” you whined.

             He turned back to you and towards San. “You can’t move him.”

             That caused you to whimper loudly. The sides of the toy were sticky from your ejaculate. You pressed it harder against your clit, feeling the second climax rising.

             “The eggs are really good, baby.”

             You ignored his words, but clung to the sound of his voice to help push you over the edge. He had said you couldn’t move San, but he said nothing about you moving. Your hips bucked up, increasing the pressure and allowing San to slide slightly. A loud moan echoed in the small room.

             “Hey, I said you couldn’t move him.”

             “I didn’t,” you yelled back at him. Bucking your hips again caused the same movement and you cried out.

             “That’s cheating,” his voice was closer now.

             Looking over, you saw him standing in the doorway. “Then come stop me.”

             You weren’t prepared for him to be next to you so quickly. He held your hips down so you couldn’t gyrate them again. It wasn’t fair that he was teasing you like this before he left for work and you couldn’t do the same for him, which is when you had a realization.

             You glared at him. “You’re wearing the tights, aren’t you?” Your legs spasmed as you were getting closer, making you gasp.

             His chuckle was genuine as he shook his head. “I really don’t know where they are.”

             Moans were coming louder and more frequently.

             “Just cum for me, baby.”

             And with his permission, the second orgasm warmed your body as the white heat flowed through each limb. Unable to handle any more stimulation, you pulled San from your pants then turned him off, placing him on the bed as you inhaled deeply.

             Yunho released your hips and looked at the now white-coated toy.

             You felt dizzy and needed to take deep inhales, but managed to concentrate on Yunho’s face. Pulling him out of his trance, you reached for his chin. “To be continued later?”

             He looked up at you, licking his lips. “Absolutely.” Shaking his head, he sat on the edge of the bed next to you and rubbed your thigh. “I’ll see you for lunch?”

             “Not today,” you shook your head. “I need to be at the dining hall at 1:30 for catering. Apparently, there’s a lot to do before the event tonight.”

             “Ah. I’ll see you there then.” He leaned forward giving you two chaste kisses before getting up. “I have to start heading out now, baby.” Turning when he reached the doorway, he smiled at you. “If you want to take San on another round, be sure to keep me in your thoughts.”

             Rolling your eyes, you smiled at him. “You’re always in my thoughts. Now go to work, you absurd man!”

             His laughter echoed in the kitchen as he gathered his things. “Love you. See you tonight.”

             Later after cleaning up, you decided to explore the new campus. You and Yunho had been to many campuses since he was often a visiting dance artist at universities. This one was very hilly and next to a big lake.

             The school-provided housing was close to the main buildings which were old and made of brick or stone. Being late spring, the trees and flowers were all abloom and the campus smelled fresh. There was a nice breeze as you wandered around. Many pathways were scattered across the front lawn.

             You had time before you needed to head into work and decided to walk down one. The path was surrounded by trees so it felt like you were wandering through a forest. As the path went on, you noticed a group of students scattered around with drawing pads in their laps. A professor was walking around, so you assumed this was some kind of outside art class. Only glancing at some of the art before you, you continued down the path.

             Now out of the wooded area, the trail led you down to the lake. On a bench was another artist. As you approached closer, you noticed it wasn’t a drawing pad, but a watercolor pad they worked on. The painting was clearly of the lake and bordering foliage, but the colors they used were unnatural and unique. Instead of clean lines, it was more abstract and looked like cloudy edges. You paused behind them to admire their work.

             The artist had heard you approach and stop in your tracks. Their head spun in your direction. “Excuse me.” Their words were cold.

             Slightly dumbfounded by the deep voice, having previously mistaken their long hair to be female, you blushed, embarrassed at being caught staring. You mumbled a quick apology and continued down the path, making sure to avoid any eye contact.

             The path led back to the main buildings. After finding which one the dining hall was, you circled around it until seeing a large dumpster. The door close to it was sure to be the back entrance.

             Guessing correctly, there were line cooks and other waitstaff scurrying about. The executive chef’s office wasn’t far from where you entered. After getting his attention and introducing yourself, he took you to a table where a few others were folding cloth napkins and had you join in making napkin tents.

             “You’re not a student here, are you?” one of the staffers asked. His deep voice didn’t exactly match his young-looking, beautiful face. Him and another staffer looked at you curiously.

             Giving a shy smile, you shook your head. “No, I’m not. I take it you two are?”

             “Yeah,” the other grumbled.

             His grumpiness in folding made you laugh. He especially seemed out of place since he was built of thick muscle, and should have been put on the duty of moving furniture around for the event.

             “You don’t like being a student here?” You smiled at him.

             He tossed the napkin into a clear bin with dozens of others. “I like being a student here. What I don’t like is having no control over what work-study we get forced into.”

             “Ah,” you chuckled again.

             “I’m Felix,” the deep-voiced one offered his hand. You shook it, giving him your name in return.

             His grumpy friend also reached to shake your hand. “Changbin.” He huffed after folding another tent and throwing it in the bin. “So, what brings you here at the end of the school year? Here for the visiting dance instructor?”

             “Yeah, actually.”

             Both men looked up.

             “You’re a dancer then?” Felix stopped folding, interested to hear your response.

             “Nope. I’m his girlfriend.”

             It was comical how their mouths dropped open in unison.

             “You’re dating Yunho Jeong?” Changbin was still gaping. “No offense, but then why are you working at this shit job? He’s practically dance royalty.”

             The pride you had for Yunho beamed in your smile. “Well, we’re trying to save up so he can open his own studio, and then we can have an apartment above it. Most schools use the same food service company, so it’s easy for me to bounce around place to place doing catering gigs to help save money while he teaches.”

             “Wow,” Changbin nodded. “Respect.”

             That made you giggle as the three of you continued folding napkins. Once that was finished, supplies had to be moved to another building where the banquet was being held. Then chairs needed to be set up, table clothes laid, and place settings set out.

             The chatter was pleasant between you, Felix, and Changbin. Between hearing about the campus and school, and working, the time moved quickly. Before you knew it, it was time to get dressed and cart the food to the building.

             Already wearing your black catering pants and non-slip shoes, the school provided you with a black button-down shirt and bright yellow tie. Felix helped you with the tie, and you fixed his long hair so it wouldn’t be in his face as you worked.

                  Hotel pans were filled with food, chafers lit and warming them, champaign flutes filled and neatly rowed by a desert table, where cakes were already plated and ready to be grabbed. All that was left to do was to wait for the event to start.

                  You and the other waitstaffers stood at the edge of the room as it filled with students, faculty, and alumni. Instantly seeing Yunho as he walked in, his eyes found you and he gave a big grin and wave.

                  Waving back, you couldn’t help your blush. As good as his dancewear was this morning, he looked fine in his sports jacket and dress slacks.

                  “Holy shit,” Changbin whispered. “You do actually know him.”

                  You couldn’t help but chuckle. “Why would I lie about that?”

                  Before he could answer, the head caterer summoned you all to start rotating with trays of hors d'oeuvres and drinks.

                  You paused and smiled at each guest who wanted to take an appetizer from your tray, waiting patiently as they took their time. Finally, you were able to sidle up next to Yunho.

                  “Don’t you look dapper,” he grinned, taking in your appearance from head to toe.

                  “I could say the same for you.”

                  An entourage of three shorter men stood with Yunho. He politely introduced you to them as his beloved, then focused on each to introduce them in turn. “These are the heads of the dance department, Seonghwa Park and Christopher Bahng.”

             Seonghwa was stunningly beautiful with kind eyes and a sweet smile. Christopher was the shortest of all the men, but also had a warm smile for you.

             Yunho then motioned to another man with short hair and glasses. “And this is Hongjoong Kim. He produces the music arrangements for each class.”

             After you shook everyone’s hands and politely nodded, Yunho explained why you were working instead of clinging to his arm.

             Christopher grinned and patted Yunho on the shoulder. “I’ve no doubt when you both reach your goal, that the studio will be a success and worth everything you’re putting into it now.”

             The others agreed, making the two of you grin. You wanted to stay and chat, but you had to excuse yourself to continue circulating around the room with the food.

             After a few more rotations with different trays and drinks, the banquet began. Luckily because it was a buffet you just had to go around collecting empty plates and refilling glasses.

             Once most people seemed to be finished eating, the head caterer allowed everyone to take a break to eat. Instead of getting food with the others, you found your way back to your boyfriend and squeezed his hand.

             “Hey,” he kissed your cheek. Dinner was so good. Did you eat?” He took one look and knew the answer was that you hadn’t. He pulled you by the wrist to the buffet where the other staffers were filling their plates. Yunho started loading it with the foods he enjoyed, and then food you wanted.

             “You know I can’t possibly eat all of this.”

             He didn’t even attempt to look sheepish. “I can help you.”

             You led him behind the wall divider which was hiding all the catering supplies to tables where the waitstaff were eating.

             Changbin and Felix stopped eating when they saw you and Yunho coming their way. Introducing them as your friends, Yunho shook their hands and greeted others sitting at the table with them, thanking each for their hard work tonight.

             He never ceased to warm your heart with how sweet and kind he was. Helping your new friends, you mentioned they’d be in some of Yunho’s classes, which got them started in conversation.

             You hadn’t eaten too much when the lights in the room dimmed.

             “What’s happening?” you looked to Felix and Changbin.

             It was Yunho who answered, “There are going to be some students performing.”

             Thankfully, the wall divider didn’t block your view of the events. A spot light shined on the middle of the room on two dancers; a girl with long red hair, and a taller guy. You instantly recognized him. He was the artist by the lake you watched earlier.

             An artist and a dancer. That piqued your curiosity.

             “Ah, it’s just Hyunjin and Yeji showing off,” Changbin focused on his food, stuffing more into his mouth.

             Hyunjin, you assumed, was the man. His hair was pulled back into a half ponytail. He stood in front of Yeji as the music started. Their moves were in sync, but they didn’t touch each other. His moves frequently lowered to the ground when he was in front, then the couple mirrored each other when standing side by side.

             It was interesting to you that they didn’t touch at all. Though they did the same motions, Hyunjin’s charisma made him more captivating to you than Yeji, and you found your eyes never left him.

             “He’s really talented, right?” Yunho whispered in your ear. “The two of them are auditioning together for a dance company later in the week.”

             “Is this the routine they’re doing?”

             “I think so,” Yunho stole a green bean from your plate as you both continued to watch.

             Their dance was over soon, and other students came up to perform. Your mind was still thinking about Hyunjin and his partner’s dance. Yunho was the best dancer you’d ever seen, but Hyunjin was certainly good. His moves were sharp and deliberate yet so fluid. He had such control over his facial expressions.

             Yunho told you he had to go back to the dance department table, but kissed your cheek before leaving you with the other waitstaff.

             You looked to Felix and Changbin. “If you’re dancers, why don’t you get to perform like them?”

             “Ah,” Felix wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Those are the seniors. We’re underclassmen, so we get stuck with catering duty.”

             That made sense, especially since Yunho just mentioned Hyunjin and Yeji would be auditioning for a company. They were about to graduate. It was really sweet to you that they would be joining as a couple. It was like you and Yunho, though you weren’t a dancer.

             It wasn’t long before the head caterer came back. Your break time was up, and you all had to start clearing plates and glasses.

             With everyone paying attention to the dance performances, it was easy to clean up. Then you felt a tap on your shoulder.

             Turning, Hyunjin was staring back at you. His eyebrow twitched as if he recognized you, but couldn’t place how. The expression quickly disappeared. “Could I get a glass of water?”

             Smiling politely, you nodded. “Would you like ice in it?”

             He was still looking you over, trying to figure out why you looked familiar. “No, just the water is fine.”

             Excusing yourself, you dropped your tray behind the wall divider. After finding a clean goblet, you filled it with water and brought it to him.

             A line of frustration was in his brow, he still couldn’t place how he knew you. His dance partner walked beside him, clearly excited to see you. “Hi. I wasn’t able to eat before the performance, and I was told maybe you could help me out with a to-go box?”

             “Sure,” you led her behind the divider where the extra food was still out, waiting to be wrapped and labeled. Handing her a box, you also found utensils and put them in each dish she wanted food from.

             “I saw you with Instructor Yunho,” she prompted.

             It was impossible to hide your smile. You knew your boyfriend was awesome, but this school really admired him. “Yes, we’re dating.” You scooped greens into the box.

             “Wow, I envy you. He’s such a cool instructor. He offered to help me and my dance partner before we audition for a dance company.”

             “Yes, he told me about your audition. Congratulations!”

             “Thanks,” she beamed.

             Changbin walked by with a full bus-pan. “Hey Yeji, nice dance moves out there.” You could detect a hint of sarcasm and definitely jealousy in his voice.

             “At least I got to dance,” she countered. Her eyebrow lifted as she bit into a roasted potato and stared him down. You admired her for not taking any shit, especially from a man.

             Grumbling to himself, Changbin set the pan on a cart and went back to clear.

             You’d love to know what the beef was between them, but it wasn’t your place and you really needed to be getting back to work.

             Once her box was filled, you escorted her back to the main room and she thanked you. Hyunjin was no longer standing in sight. The performances seemed to be over and the room was clearing out.

             Yunho found you once again. “The others wanted to go out for a drink. Do you still have a lot to do here?”

             “Yeah, it’ll be at least a couple of hours before we’re finished. You go out and have fun.”

             He gave a small smile. “Soon we’ll be done with all the hustling and we can go out together for events.”

             “I know,” you smiled back.

             Giving you a quick peck, then another, he squeezed your arms. “I’ll see you later, then.”

             A few guests were still lingering around, but the head caterer gave everyone the go-ahead to break down the event. You, Felix, and Changbin teamed together again.

             Savable food was wrapped and labeled and put on a cart. Dirty dishes were stacked as neatly as possible and put on another cart. Felix and you worked to push one back to the dining hall while Changbin handled the other.

             When y’all were back at the event, other staffers were doing the nitty gritty jobs, like gathering all the salt and pepper shakers off tables and boxing tealight holders.

             That left jobs like taking all the table clothes, wiping surfaces with sanitizers, and sweeping and mopping.

             By the time everything was finished, you were sweaty and ready to head home to take a hot shower. Changbin helped you out of the tie this time, and showed you where to hang the catering uniform.

             There was another event at the school’s president’s house later in the week, so you told the boys you’d see them then, and parted ways.

             You messaged Yunho, but he informed you that he was still out and about. He invited you to come join them, but you felt gross after work and they’d probably be finished by the time you were all showered and dressed.

             The night air was cool and refreshing, so instead of heading back right away, you decided to explore more of the campus and follow another one of the paths.

             There was clearly a party happening. You could hear the music and see some flashing lights coming from windows in one of the buildings. That’s when you noticed two people on the path adjacent from you, struggling to carry three watermelons. It was very clear they were about to drop the one they were trying to cradle on top in between them. Quickly running up to them, you grabbed the watermelon before it splattered on the ground.

             “Need help?” You were pleasantly surprised to see it was Changbin and Felix. They, however, did not share that feeling and looked very panicked to see you. “What, you guys steal these from the dining hall or something?” you joked.

             The boys shared a glance, but they weren’t laughing at all, indicating that was very much the case. “Taking them to that party?” you adjusted the watermelon in your arms.

             They stared at each other, having a conversation with their eyes, but didn’t say anything. You didn’t particularly feel like standing on the pathway with the watermelon all night and decided to put the watermelon back between them on top of the others they were carrying.

             As you turned away, Felix called out to you. “Can you keep a secret?”

             Smiling, you turned back and took the watermelon from them again.

             Changbin looked at you seriously. “Campus security would kill us if they found out, and the executive chef would probably fire you.”

             “My lips are sealed.”

             Both boys seemed to deflate with relief as well as not having to carry the weight of an extra watermelon. They led the way to the building. You were surprised it didn’t seem like a dorm. Maybe it was one of the art buildings? As you got to the top floor you couldn’t imagine the two of them trying to carry all 3 melons up the stairs.

             At the door to where the party was, Changbin balanced his watermelon in one arm to turn the door handle and push the door open with his butt.

             You had seen your fair share of college parties. What you were expecting was drinking and drinking games, maybe a few people playing cards or a board game, some drunken dancing in a corner, maybe even some smoking. What you weren’t prepared to see was not one, but several stripper poles in the room and all of them being used.

[upallnight-s]

-- for @straywrds​ ♡

A LULLABY ON HIS THROAT -- (( go take a look! ))

The sun inside of him rages like wildfire and he is gold gold gold gold and he is  scorching the skin of my heart, yet still he pretends that he is safe for me to love, that his hands are gentle, that his fingerprints won’t be  seared into the notches of my spine. The sun inside of him  could set kingdom ablaze; he knows this, he does. And he still asks me to love him, to face the flame. Find me in the ashes. -- Emily Palermo, Apollo.

[skzluvs]

Ice.cream 🍦; Hwang Hyunjin, part 1

Genre: Idol! hyunjin Angst, fluff?, unrequited love

Warnings: none as in this chapter

Word count: 1.9k

A/n: This was supposed to be made into just one long fic but I was struggling while writing it so I decided to make it into a series, to, let me know what you think of it so far!

“melts in a flash i cant pull myself together”

Hyunjin fell, he fell deep, when he least expected it, he fell with her touch, with the pretty sound of her voice, but he fell even more with her indifference with the way she seemed not to care about anyone in the world but herself, where she preferred loneliness over being surrounded by a group of people who barely knew anything about her but her name. He fell with all the flaws that he masked into conformity.

Hyunjin moved in a crowd and sometimes even for him it was too much to handle, he had a lot of friends and people who was cautious of every movement he made, that's the price he had to pay for the fame, it was a "fair" exchange, his privacy for the admiration of millions. But he didn't regretted it or at least thats what he said as he tried to convince his own self. Maybe only at nights when the moon shined through his curtains and the silence of the room embraced the atmosphere thats when he, for at least a second would wish deep in his heart things would be a little different. Believe it when he says he was happy doing what he loved the most, surrounded by the people he loved, he got it all. But a sudden regret, he would find himself longing for something more, and he truly didn't know what that was.

But he hoped to find it soon enough. Because the guilt was eating him alive. Not being completely satisfied with his current life was probably the biggest sin he would've ever commit.

Hyunjin had a day off, clear schedule for the first time in months, after the back to back concerts and events, he and all of the members deserved some rest. But hyunjin didn't know how to rest, and probably that was due to his high paced life style, or to his personality, maybe a little bit of both. So he though about all the things he wanted to do today, and none of them were staying home.

He had been wanting to go expand his literary horizons, nowadays he had found himself devouring multiple books, he found them so comforting. The way they travel him to different places. In every word and in every flip of a page his emotions overflowed.

The weather was perfect a bright sunny day, so he thought his plan on taking himself on a date wasn't too bad of an idea after all. Bookstore, coffee shop and walking the streets of Seoul with his headphones on, blasting his favorite tunes, he was ecstatic. Deciding not to waste anymore of his precious time he decided to leave right away.

"hey Felix im going out" he said to the boy who was immersed into his computer, too focus on his video game to pay attention to him.

"Have fun" he said goodbye without taking his eyes off the screen "damn it why is this domain so hard to clear off" he yelled to himself in frustration and hyunjin just laughed at his antics.

Hyunjin made sure to grab his bag with all his essentials, his wallet, his headphones and his charger. He put on his shoes at the door and closed it behind him as he was leaving the dorm.

Hyunjin walked the busy streets listening to some of his favorites songs, enjoying the warmth of a sunny summer day. Hyunjin wasn't specially fond of summer, he preferred the winter but lately he had began to fall in love with the memories summers had brought to him, and therefore with the season itself.

Once he arrived to the bookstore, it was an old bookstore, he could probably smell the rusty pages emanating from the inside all the way through the entrance and he couldn't contain his excitement any longer , scrutinizing the shelves, staring at every cover without missing each of the titles that were being displayed. Hyunjin was astonished at the extend variety of genres. He carefully took his time reading some of the synopsis and a couple first pages of some of the books that had caught his eye. The hours inside that bookstore felt like seconds to him. He was too immersed on this volume to not pay attention to the girl that was trying to talk to him. Her voice wasn’t uncertain it was cold and direct.

"hey, excuse me?"

Those words brought hyunjin from the vulnerable state he was in back to reality, and he would be lying if he didn't hoped that voice wasn't calling for him. He knew exacty what came next probably the usual, are you hyunjin from stray kids? And no he didn't mind meeting his fans outside schedules at all, actually he loved and appreciated them a lot, but today he wished for little peace. And maybe he hated himself a little bit more due to those thoughts.

His eyes went slowly from the page to the figure standing in front of him. Her gaze was piercing his soul, a strong aura that filled up the room, her clothes were nothing out of the ordinary but somehow they made her stand out a lot. She looked like those type of people who leave a strong impression. She probably felt uncomfortable by the way hyunjin was just standing there book in hand examining her like some sort of specimen. So she decided to speak again.

"Are you planning of buying that book" she asked with no hesitation pointing at his hands, that unconsciously were gripping at the hard cover tightly.

He was incredibly confused, but exhaled in relief at the fact the girl wasn't here for an autograph nor a photo she just wanted the book. And hyunjin laughed a little bit inside, thinking how silly it was for him to think so highly of himself at moments like this. Of course not everyone cares about you hwang hyunjin he said to himself.

"I'm not sure yet i was giving it a read as i was considering it" he replied calmly.

"I'm kinda in a rush and honestly i came all the way here just for that book, so trust me when i say im not leaving without it" she firmly stated, furrowing her brows slightly. He assumed it was probably the only edition left, since it looked like and out of print.

Hyunjin thought the situation was slightly amusing, because it was just a book, and the girl was throwing a ruckus as if she would die because of it. But as much as his curiosity irked him, he couldn't argue with her for multiple reasons, the most obvious one is that if he wanted to continue his day off in peace he couldn't attract unnecessary attention to himself, and second he didn't knew much about the book so he couldn't judge her urgency so he just decided to let go of it and hand it carefully to the girl who seemed to try her best to contain her last straw of patience as she waited.

She grabbed it and walked away from him, not even a thank you, nor a glance, she directed her tracks straight to the counter, and as she paid for the book, hyunjin continued to observe her from the other side of the room, where his body hadn't moved an inch.

He didn’t know what made him so intrigued, most likely the girl’s particular way of acting, something completely different to the reactions he was used to getting from people. Something about that indifference made him wonder for a second if he just looked like an ordinary boy to her. Which made him relived because he could carry on his day as he had planned.

After browsing through the aisles for a little longer, hyunjin bought few books and made his way to the cafe. The place was rather cozy with a warming atmosphere the decorations were rustic but very on trend, there was a mixture of fake and real plants all around the establishment which made it really peaceful. Hyunjin ordered his usual ice americano paired up with a chocolate croffle, the perfect bittersweet combination. He sat close to the window and made himself comfortable as he took a sip from his drink and opened one of the books he had just picked up earlier.

The evening went by as hyunjin immersed himself in the delight of his dessert and the word of “someone who will love you in all your damaged glory” the hours went by so fast that he didn’t realize that it had started raining outside. And not the usual drizzle it was absolutely pouring, as if the sky was falling the thunderstorm grew bigger by every second.

Despite liking the rain the situation itself was pretty bad news to him.

Hyunjin panicked, he had to go home now and to make it even worse he hadn’t even brought an umbrella with him that day because the weather was perfect, until now, of course. He didn’t know what to do. Should he call Chan and tell him he was stuck in the city? or should he try to run to make it to the bus stop. He chose the later because he truly didn’t want to bother his members on their day off. It wasn’t something that was granted to them very often, he knew they deserved to rest. Hyunjin had brought this upon himself, he had to fix this himself.

As soon as he exited the shop he met the storm, the water drops showering him from the top of his cap to the bottom of his sneakers. He ran as fast as he could trying to cover himself with his bag. Once he made it safely to the bus stop he was already drench. He boarded the bus and hoped to dry himself as soon as he arrived home.

He got home safely, as he heard the nagging of his members for staying out too late, they were worried about him. And as for his dripping state, they made him wipe the floor. Hyunjin took a warm bath and changed into comfy clothes. Laid in bed as fell into a deep slumber. It had been an interesting but eventful day, he was exhausted.

Hyunjin was standing in a alleyway and his vision was impaired by the darkness, as he tried to make this way out of that place, the sorrowful cries of someone startled him he followed the cries all the way to the end and there was no exit because he had reached a dead end. And suddenly a small light appeared straight ahead where he thought he had reached the blocked wall. So he kept walking as the light grew bigger to the source. The light emanated from a silver lighter that opened and closed, half a cigarette and the girl who held it in between her lips as she continued to manipulate the lighter with her fingers, as hyunjin approached her, everything became clearer. The details on her face, the dry tears on her cheeks, the lines in her forehead from frowning, the sickening smell from the burning cigarette and the defeated look in her eyes. The sight was devastating and hyunjin couldn’t pinpoint the feeling in that moment, it was like his heart was being ripped out. The girl who’s name he didn’t know yet looked so broken in front of him, a total opposite from the first impression he had gotten out her at the library. Hyunjin tried to get closer to hold her but as he tried to grab her hand to ask her what was troubling her the figure disappeared before his eyes, like a magic trick she was long gone. Vanishing into thin air.

“You cant grasp onto something that doesn’t exist”

[xiaojunsmintchoco]

Gone bananas – Jisung, Hyunjin

pairing: platonic hyunjin x han jisung

genre: crack

Synopsis: one night, Jisung gets bored and pesters Hyunjin to do something fun with him. What happens when they try an absurd method of summoning a gorilla?

cw: ritual kinda thingy

wc: 1.2k

a/n: this was inspired by a tiktok I saw, unfortunately i seem to have lost the link! i'll put it here if i can find it later

tagging: @bangchan-fairy @plutominho

“Hyunjin! Hyunjin!”

The sound of someone calling his name rang in Hyunjin’s ears repeatedly. Mildly frustrated, Hyunjin simply groaned and turned over, covering his ears with a pillow. However, that served no purpose the moment he felt a pair of arms grab him and shake him with a force like an earthquake. 

“Hyunjin!” the voice called once more, before Hyunjin gave a frustrated “argh” and sat up, albeit begrudgingly. Blinking his eyes to adjust to the darkness, he tried to make out who the figure in front of him was. To no surprise, it was Jisung. 

“What do you want, Jisung? It’s freaking two in the morning!” Hyunjin groaned, running his fingers through his tousled hair. 

“Hyunjinnnn, I can’t sleep and I’m bored!” Jisung whined. “Do something with me!”

“Go use your phone or something! I’m tired,” Hyunjin complained, preparing to flop back down and go back to sleep, when Jisung stopped him.

“That’s exactly what I was doing. I was scrolling through tiktok, and thought we could do this together!” Jisung quipped, jumping up and down like an excited puppy.

“Jisung, please. I’m not ready for this chaos, not at this hour,” Hyunjin tried to reason politely.

“No, please! Just look at this!” Jisung insisted, shoving his phone in front of Hyunjin. 

Hyunjin looked at the video playing on Jisung’s screen, titled “How to summon a gorilla”. At first, the title seemed ridiculous to him, but as he watched on, his curiosity was piqued. Hmm, maybe, just maybe, they could give it a try now! It sounded exciting, and besides, what better time to do it than at 2 am in the morning!

“So, what do you think, Hyunjin? You in?” Jisung asked, looking at his friend with hope-filled eyes. 

“I’m in!” Hyunjin immediately decided, hopping out of his bed as Jisung whooped.

━━━━━━━━━━━━🍌━━━━━━━━━━━

It took them a while to gather everything the video said they would need, but a good deal of yelling and a hunt in the kitchen turned up six bananas, some milk, sugar, yellow food colouring, a teaspoon and a small round container. “You slice up one banana. I’ll set up the rest of the stuff in the room,” Jisung suggested, and Hyunjin wordlessly agreed before peeling the banana and setting it on a chopping board. After chopping up the banana into slices, he made his way back to his room. 

“Oh nice, you’re back!” Jisung jumped up, thrilled at his friend’s arrival. “Give me a moment, and then we can proceed with the rest of the ritual!” He proclaims, clapping excitedly. In one of his hands was the small container, which had some milk in it. He gingerly scooped out some sugar with the teaspoon, before dumping it into the milk, and then added 10 drops of the yellow food colouring. “Now, we shake this”. He capped the jar, and then shook it – hard. “Gosh, I’m tired,” he complained after a while. “Hyunjin, please take over,” he requested, passing the jar to Hyunjin, who gladly accepted.

When Hyunjin was done shaking the jar, the contents were well-mixed. “Now put this in the center of the circle, and then add the banana slices around it,” Jisung instructs. Hyunjin does as instructed, setting it in the middle of the circle and then arranging the banana slices in a circle around the jar. After which, Jisung turned out the lights. An eerie blackness descended upon the room, the only light accompanying them being the dim moonlight streaming through a crack in the window. The low hoot of an owl echoed through the night, reaching their ears and adding on to the eerie atmosphere

Now, here came the final step.

Jisung took a deep breath. “You ready?” he breathed out, looking at his friend for confirmation. 

Hyunjin wordlessly nodded, drawing in a shaky breath as he tried not to let his apprehension show. Although he appeared calm on the outside, he was shaking on the inside. What if this ritual meant the end of everything?

“3, 2, 1!” Jisung started the countdown.

“Bananas for gorilla! Bananas for gorilla! Bananas for gorilla! Bananas for gorilla! Bananas for gorilla!” they chanted in unison, eyes darting about the room with a mixture of fear and hope as they stayed on the alert for any sign of a gorilla.

The only sound that followed was the silence of the night. “Well, looks like it didn’t-”

Knock

Knock

Knock

Three slow knocks cut Jisung’s voice off. “AAHH!” Both boys screamed out, before clinging on to each other like koala bears. “The gorilla!” Hyunjin whimpered, eyes wide with terror, while Jisung simply took shallow, quick breaths as he stared at the door in fright. 

Just then, the door flew open, and both boys simply stared at the big, black creature that towered over them in awe and terror – mainly the latter emotion. Its teeth were bared in a menacing snarl, and the menacing glow of its black beady eyes sent shivers down their spine. 

Then, just as they thought things couldn’t get worse, the gorilla let out a low growl, slowly inching towards them.

“This is it, bro,” Jisung breathed, still clinging on to his friend for dear life. “I love you bro”.

“Love you too, bro,” Hyunjin whispered, preparing to face the inevitable outcome. They had played with fire, and now, they had to face the music. Both boys shut their eyes, preparing for what was to come…

“Enough, both of you. Stop being dramatic”.

A familiar voice breaks the silence. Slowly, the boys open their eyes and cautiously glance upwards. To their surprise, the gorilla has removed its head, revealing a not-so-happy Chan, dressed in a gorilla costume. 

“WHAT?” Both boys yelled out in pure shock upon seeing their hyung dressed up that way.

“Hyung! Why would you scare us like that?” Jisung whined, upon finding out that it was really his own hyung that had played such a trick on them.

“You both were making so much noise, and woke me up!” Chan complained, throwing the gorilla head onto the carpeted floor. “I quickly figured out what you both were up to, and decided to teach you both a lesson!” he added with a huff, clearly still grumpy about being woken up. 

“Oops, sorry hyung. We won’t do it again,” Hyunjin mumbled, feeling slightly cowed under the glare of his oldest hyung. 

“You’d better not! The next time you guys try monkey business like this again, I swear you’ll get much worse!” Chan threatened, before taking off the gorilla costume and striding back to his own room to get some much-needed sleep.

Both boys eyed the retreating figure of their hyung, still wide-eyed in shock. Finally, they both burst into laughter. 

“Hyunjin! Oh my gosh…that was h i l a r i o u s!” Jisung guffawed, body swaying back and forth with laughter.

“I know right!” Hyunjin agreed, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. “I’m so gonna do it again”.

“Me too!”