#i KNOW that isnt true. i knew it for years. idk why it's suddenly coming back

[loyalhorror]

things i am good at:

taking action in scary situations irl

making people feel listened to

gaining the trust of animals

things i am not good at:

pretty much anything that i can show off on the internet and feel accomplished about

[flying-bear-tv]

WWDITS RANT <3

Ok i just finished watching the WWDITS season finale and It made me laugh so much but also some of it was shitty and i feel like sharing to the class.

So most insane things first I have no idea why Guillermo decided not to be a vampire. It is even explicitly shown how great he feels after drinking human blood like he is ready??? and then suddenly its like a switch flipped and he has a problem killing a human. He has never really gave a shit about that for FIVE FUCKING SEASONS. He is even like yeah i know i dismembered a shitton of body and lured people to their deaths and killed a shitton of vampires (who tbh he can definitely empathize with like humans as he has been involved with them for years) (OVER 10 YEARS) but i cant suck this guys throat owo. Like he has devoted his entire life to this for a decade and all of a sudden he backs out? I'm not saying this isn't just weird bad writing but the lamp nandor pulled out was the big one which he knows has no wishes left. I think its possible either nandor wished that Guillermo wanted to be human OR Guillermo purposely got himself turned back into a human so Nandor could be the one to turn him. Like he had everything set up with the necromancer to undead Derick pretty quickly...... idk im just saying. Also It feels like nothing has changed. I wish Nandor would have helped him with dericks body or something. Just to show that Guillermo is accepted a little more. I know you guys will debate me on this but its the little things like that that make you really feel part of the group. Lazlo came in clutch as always though I love him so much he really is one of my comfort characters of all time. (I even think that if my theory ends up being the case that Lazlo knew about Guillermo's plan cause that would definitely go along with the theme of Lazlo and Guillermo hiding stuff from the others throughout the season) But yea. Weird ending with Guillermo and im gonna be PISSED if there isnt a seriously good explanation for that.

Next: the Guide... Yea WHAT THE FUCK they did her so dirty like no hahah we liked you the whole time haha. Are you for serious. are you joking with me. This could have been a HUGE chance for character growth on the vamps part. They could have realized that yea. healthy relationships need to have mutual respect and both people need to contribute. They could have brought Lazlo's journey with him becoming a bit more human this season full circle. Nandor could have realized that how he has treated Guillermo is not great. He could have been like yea no wonder he got turned by someone other than me. I have been using him to do dirty work for years and stringing him along with the promise that I would eventually turn him which even I convinced myself was true in order to keep things just as how theve always been. I wont kill him because he means more to me than a stupid vampire rule that im only doing because its what is always done. (Like Nandor realized he didn't want to kill Guillermo after a second of seriously thinking about it.) Guillermo could have let him out of that cage and they could have hugged and figured out what to do like the fucking found family they are damn it.

NADJA ......... nadja's whole thing this season was the fact that she treats people like shit and is pretty selfish and she didnt even have a moment where she actually showed change. IM SICK IM DYING IM THROWING UP IN THE STREET.

I realize that them liking the guide the whole time is a funny joke but guys. was it worth it. was it fucking worth it...

For the things I liked lol I really liked Lazlo he is allways slaying his fits were spectacular his matching hair with Nadja is incredible He is a real friend to Guillermo and everything that comes out of his mouth is hilarious.

Im glad the guide got some kind of revenge she deserves it I love her.

Guillermo hiding out in the motel was funny and i love how everyone visited him individually.

Guillermo being really happy after turing into a bat and getting his fangs was also really cute

Also "this meat has kissed the grill" i started crying i have no idea why this was so funny to me

Nandor stalking the fucking panera bread and setting up a whole fake ritual for Guillermo 10/10

also final round of applause for Nadja and Lazlos hair and outfits this season. I wish i were them.

anyways funny vampire show heheeh i wont get too upset about it and i wont make a conspiracy about how they wrote it bad on purpose because I cant cope with reality *cough* good omens fans *cough* SORRY but guys... guys... its not 2017 wake up please we dont need another TJLC please I have to say somthing.

love you all touch grass <3

comment 💥if you read all of this shit i want to know

[an-emovision]

❞𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕃𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕐𝕠𝕦❞ - 𝕋𝕒𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕚 𝔸𝕞𝕒𝕛𝕚𝕜𝕚

~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀ A/N: Hi! so uhhhh had this in my drafts, im gonna post it and pretend i like it because thats how i roll. I love tamaki so much please. again, art isnt mine, credits to the original artist (idk who it is, if you know then please tell me so i can give credit) neewayz enjoy! Trigger Warnings(s): Fluff(?)  ~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀~̴̡͉̞̈́̀ ❞𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑖'𝑚 𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝐿𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑔𝑜 𝑖 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖 𝑤𝑖𝑠ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖 𝑘𝑛𝑒𝑤 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑖𝑚 𝑠𝑜 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙❞ --------- You were a very outgoing person, very cheery and kind, always willing to talk to people and make friends. The almost exact opposite of Amajiki and yet he just couldn't seem to stop himself from falling for you. Every day he always found himself stealing glances of you in class, occasionally the two would lock eyes. You'd smile that brilliantly bright smile of yours and make Amajikis stomach do back flips and his heart flutter, he would always turn away before any further contact could be made. On one particular day Nejire had asked you to sit with the big three at lunch, to which you happily agreed to. Amajiki almost had a melt down when Nejire had told him, to which Mirio patted him on the back giving him a "you got this dude!" a grin, and a thumbs up. It made the poor boy feel...slightly better but as you approached them in the cafeteria Amajiki tried his best to keep himself together. Why did you have to be so attractive? how dare you, it was unfair really. He just couldn't take his eyes off you, confidence radiated from your form. Mirio once told him that if he waited to long that someone would steal you, Nejire agreed. You were after all one of the most popular students at UA, not only was your quirk amazing and your fighting skills godly but your looks where beyond words, Amajiki was painfully aware of these facts. "Hi guys!" You grinned and Tamaki almost fainted. "Glad you could join us!" Nejire smiled as she took you by the wrist and dragged you to their lunch table, you couldn't help but giggle at her excitement as she asked you a bunch of questions about you and your quirk. Most of the quirk questions she asked she most likely already knew the answer to, you four being in the same class and all. Nejire took a seat next to Mirio, across from you and Amajiki. "Soooo Y/N...Do you have a crush on anybody?" Nejire asked suddenly, making you choke on the tea you where sipping on. "I-I uh-" You tried to avoid looking at Nejires grinning features, she already knew the answer to her question. Of course you did and it was none other then the boy you where sitting next to, you didn't answer her question, simply coughed and continued to sip on your drink. She sucked her teeth, unsatisfied with your answer, if you could even call it that. Mirios eyes wandered to Nejire then to Tamaki who was silently eating his food, his face was beet red at how close you and him were, your shoulders where brushing against each other. Then Mirio looked at you, whos cheeks were dusted with a light shade of pink as you tried to brush off the last conversation topic. He rolled his eyes and had to fight the urge to just blurt out that the two of you should date each other already. Soon the lunch bell rang and it was time to head back to class, Amajiki let out a soft sigh as the four of you started heading to your shared classroom, you and Nejire chatting about a show that she had starting watching recently. Mirio fell behind them a bit so he could walk beside Tamaki. "So, When are you gonna tell them?" He asked, knowing full well that it would take some sort of miracle to get Amajiki to confess to his crush of two years. The shorter gave a small shrug before slipping his hands into his pockets. "I-I don't know...Really i don't think i ever will. " He again let out a gentle, almost sad sigh "I dont think i'm good enough for them, they're so amazing." "Aw come on Tamaki! you're part of the big three!" Mirio gently nudged him with his elbow, to which Tamakjis eyes wandered to the opposite direction. "They think you're awesome" "Well yeah but they're right behind us on the list of top students" Amajiki informed him. It was true, you were almost part of the big three yourself but you ended up failing a test by 6 points and getting knocked to fourth. You didn't mind, you where pretty comfortable in your spot. "What're you guys talkin' about?" Nejire asked, walking backwards and looking at them with the same sweet smile she always had gracing her soft features. "How awesome Y/N is" Mirio patted Amajikis back, making him let out a soft hum. You tilted your head "Oh yeah? im honored." You smiled "You guys are way cooler then i am." Nejire giggled, Tamaki stiffened at her sudden question "So which of our quirks is your favorite, Y/N?" You hummed, tapping your chin for a moment. Tamaki expected you to say Nejires quirk seeing as you two have been friends since you both stepped into class 1-A in your 1st year at UA. "I think Amajikis quirk is the coolest" You smiled to him, Tamaki noticed and then you smiled it was as if your eyes where smiling to, his heart practically exploded, barely able to get out a 'thank you'. You giggled at his shyness, finding it adorable as always. Nejire couldn't help but giggle at the two of you, Mirios grin widened as he two watched you to. "Nice choice Y/N" Nejire smiled as she took you by the hand as you four made it to class, seeing as you and her sat next to each other she lead you to your seats, ready to take on the rest of your day you sat down as class began. As the end of the day rolled around you stretched as you made your way to the front of your dorm building. You had some homework to do as well as some studying, then you thought you could train a bit then- You had bumped into someone, not to hard it just startled you a bit as you where to deep in thought, planning out the rest of your day. You quickly bowed "I'm so sorry I wasn't paying atten-...Amajiki? what're you doing here?" You had bumped into Tamaki, not only that but he was standing in front of your dorm room. "O-Oh I uh- I-I" He stumbled harshly through his words, on top of that he was mumbling. You noticed a small piece of folded paper in his slightly trembling hands and smiled, just as you noticed it he stopped mumbling and actually spoke up a bit. "I-I just- I wanted t-to give this to you" he held out the slip of paper, avoiding eye contact with you at all costs. You gently took the paper from him but before you could get another word out he scurried down the hall and disappeared around the corner. You watched him leave, letting out a small chuckle before unlocking your door and walking in, closing the door behind you with your foot and gently setting your school bag down. The day before, after class Mirio had suggested to Amajiki that he should write you a letter if he couldn't just out right tell you. "Like...A love letter?" Tamaki tilted his head. He didn't know how he felt about that, his writing skills weren't bad he just dreaded having to wait for your response, not only that but even considering rejection as a factor made him wanna puke. "Don't worry, i'm like 90% sure that even if they do reject you they'll be nice about it" Mirio gave a thumbs up as he finally convinced Amajiki to start on the letter that could make or break him. It was a huge deal, you were his first ever crush and he never thought in a million years he would be confessing to you. "They're nice about everything" Tamaki mumbled as he continued to write his letter. Miro chuckled and nodded in agreement. "Exactly, you have nothing to worry about." Tamaki wondered why he was so confident about this, maybe Mirio knew you would turn him down? Thinking about that being a possibility created a pit of nervousness in his stomach. Really it was the opposite, Mirio knew you would say yes, he was just excited to finally see his favorite ship finally become a couple. Back to the present you took a seat on your bed before unfolding the note and beginning to read it. Your eyes where wide as saucers when you finished reading it, the final sentence replaying in your mind at least a hundred times "Will you go out with me?"Butterflies invaded your stomach and your cheeks flushed, you decided to give him your answer tomorrow, wanting it to sink in that the boy you've had a crush on since the dawn of time liked you back. Amajiki was dying in his room as he awaited your answer, Mirio who had come over to study with him was laughing his ass off at the boys struggle. The next day you where standing in front of Amajikis dorm room with both Mirio and Nejire at your side, they had their phones out ready to take pictures of this momentous occasion. You took a deep breath before gently knocking on his door three times, it took him a moment or two before he opened the door, he immanently stiffened as he locked eyes with you. Bracing himself for rejection he waited for it but all he heard were the words he had been wanting to hear for the past two years "I like you to Amajiki" Nejire squealed and clapped as Mirio laughed "finally oh my god" Mirio said crossing his arms. Amajiki stood frozen, having to register what just happened, after coming to the conclusion that the love of his life did indeed just agree to date him he felt a sudden rush of adrenaline and pulled you towards him by the wrist, placing his slightly quivering lips against your silky smooth ones. Nejire practically screamed as she took about a thousand pictures, Mirio looked away jokingly acting disgusted but he couldn't hold back his happiness for his friends, they found love and he was beyond proud of Amajiki for going through with his plan.   Your eyes where wide and your face was crimson by the time Amajiki pulled away. He started to apologize profusely as he realized what he just did, which resulted in you having to tell him it was fine over and over again. The two where walking together hand in hand as you made your way to class, as shy as he may be he still wanted everyone in the world and their mother know that you belonged to him now and nothing walking this Earth was going to change that. 

[majimemegoro]

mr okudera’s exposé was nonsense and heres why

*spoilers for frozen roar/hunting storyline in y5 obviously*

edit: this.. may not be worth reading, i really gave up at the end and you can tell. this is a thornier issue than i thought and i didnt achieve anywhere near the clarity i aim to have on my meta posts. be warned.

heres what mr okduera (whom i will henceforth call sato, for clarity) says about the attack by yama-oroshi:

it’s pretty simple. 1. og okudera is attacked by yama-oroshi. 2. sato passes out. 3. og okudera ends up dead.

ive already talked before about the oddness of sato’s passing out, but theres a bigger question that suddenly struck me, and I think it’s an important one: why didnt either of them see yama-oroshi coming?

it was a blizzard, fine. they were distracted by a very emotinally intense encounter, fine. but if the visibility was so bad that they couldnt see a massive black/brown bear from within pouncing distance, the visibility should have also been so bad that okudera wuoldnt know that sato was there and pointing the gun at him. so i ask again: why didnt either of them see yama-oroshi coming? that doesnt make sense. so whats going on?

option 1: the story sato tells in the screenshots above is inaccurate or a lie.

we can neither confirm nor deny based on the evidence we have, and we cant say anything about the motives or circumstances for the lie. if we can’t trust sato’s testimony, we know next to nothing about okduera, about sato’s relationship with okudera, and about what happened 9 years ago. i cant get interpretive traction, so let’s move on.

option 2: the story sato tells in the screenshots is accurate but missing important details.

also impossible to confirm or deny based on what we have, but lets look at a couple of models and try to understand the possibilities.

model A: yama-oroshi comes up behind okduera.

sato cant possibly have missed seeing yama-oroshi in this case, and i cant see any motive for sato to not remark on the bear, since he decided that he didnt want okduera to die. lets scratch off model A.

model B: yama-oroshi approaches from the side.

im gonna also disregard this one because i think one of them would have noticed a GIANT BEAR approaching from the side. yes, even in a blizzard. and there isnt any reasonable motive for them to collectively ignore the bear.

model C: yama-oroshi comes up behind sato.

ah. now it’s starting to make sense.

why would okudera pretend not to see the giant bear coming up behind sato? well, SATO IS POINTING A GUN AT HIM. of course this all depends on whether or not og okudera could SEE that sato was aiming the gun at him. but if he could, then he could have been lying about the bear to buy time. the whole ‘i knew you were going to kill me’ thing could also just be okudera buying time while he waits for sato to get mauled by a bear. who knows if it was true.

ok, well then how & why did yama-oroshi attack okudera if he came up behind sato?

easy. model C.i: yama-oroshi comes up behind sato on a cliff.

yama-oroshi jumps off the cliff, but instead of attacking sato (as okudera expected/hoped for), yama-oroshi goes for okduera. but he also clips sato on the way down.

alternatively, sato is untouched but seeing okduera go down sets off his vasovagal syncope.

model D (C.ii?? im getting confused..): yama-oroshi was up on a cliff, which is why neither okudera nor sato noticed him.

but theres still a problem with models C.i/D (WHATVER THEY ARE, THE ONES WITH A BEAR ON A CLIFF!!!). that is, it seems unlikely that sato would have ended up at the foot of a cliff given a) he followed okduer out of the village, meaning as the pursuer he wouldnt get cornered like that, and b) he was  trained assassin and intended to kill okduera; he wouldnt LET himself get in a position like that.

model E: okudera or sato up on a cliff?

idk maybe sato could have been up on a cliff trying to snipe okudera, which would explain how okudera didnt see the bear coming, but not why sato didnt notice it until it attacked okduera (by jumping down from hte cliff)

model F idk i give up im gonna go with “the blizzard was toonabd for them to see anything they couldnt even see each other they were communicating telepathically’

ok whatever im giving up then i wanted to make this systematic but its too hard i give up

tldr; either a) in his big exposé, sato lied about what happened 9 years ago; or b) okudera was hoping that sato would get killed when yama-oroshi jumped on him from a cliff.. maybe. idk this is all very confusing. im

tldr: there are some weird confusion in mr okduera’s story about what hapepnd 9 years ago

[unicornninjabitch]

You: no one asked for another one of these

Me: yeah i know sorry i just have a lot of emotions and shit lately

(Haha thats a lie all i feel lately is annoyed and pain)

Anyway yes I’m going to complain more about life cause i have some emotions i need to get out and shit. Okay I’m very much a night owl, I have been my whole life, I work better t night and just love the night sky and shit. However 8th grade I was really, super, hella depressed cause of family stuff and school and being totally alone and you know the depression (thanks genes!), so I’d be absolutely TERRIFIED to be left alone with my thoughts. I’d stay up all night on youtube or some cringey website or on tumblr just so I didn’t have to lay in bed and think. Also very closeted, very depressed baby Alex had no idea wtf a healthy coping mechanism was, so I cut and it was bad like an every night thing cause after I did I was suddenly really tired and could almost sleep instantly once it hit like 2-3 am. Anyway I fucked my sleeping schedule up at a very young age, so that habit never left and the earliest I go to bed anymore is 12-12:30, whatever im used to it, not good for me but whatever. Then summer started and I didn’t sleep till like 1am-2am so I chalked it up to “it’s summer whatever”, but then it was 2 am-3am and I thought that was a one time thing, but nope. Now (as in the past week/week and a half ish) I’m lucky to get 2-3 hours of sleep and even then I’m up at like 9 am. As you can imagine this has lead to a good amount of problems, but first one additional thing. Now it’s just me and my mom at our house, but because of hour cuts and paying for school and catching up on bills and other shit we don’t really have a ton of money which means we don’t have a ton of food which means what we have we have to make last. With that being said back track to me getting 2-3 hours of sleep, now my body’s tired and I’m exhausted I just wont go to fucking sleep, but I’m hungry as hell. We didn’t have cereal and milk for awhile, so that left me with pasta like I said I’m exhausted so pasta involves cooking, but I couldn’t do it. I knew I’d be too tired half way through the water boiling to finish let alone eat anything. Also cause we don’t have a ton of money I’d get 2 free meals a day in school so I wouldn’t go a whole day (or week) without eating real food (i mean it was gross government food but it got the job done), but in summer I didn’t get that so I just havent eaten really all summer like i could probably count on my hands how many actual meals ive eaten all summer. So the not eating mixed with the not sleepings fucking awful as you can imagine.I had a headache so bad I had to close my curtains put on sunglasses cover my head with a blanket and put my ice on my head in an attempt to help ease the pain, but WAIT THERES MORE. Every bone in my body constantly feels like it needs to crack and im just constantly really achey (idk if that has to do anything but it hurts like hell) Ive tried stretching and resting but it doesnt help, BUT THERES EVEN MORE!! The not eating!! I can feel my stomach being totally empty besides some water and that shit fucking hurts (idk how baby Alex did that shit) AND A FINAL THING your boy was born with god awful child bearing parts and guess what came up?! That’s right devil week so i feel like someones just stabbing me with a pitchfork while also trying to eject food thats not there. Therefore the past few nights Ive basically been clutching my stomach and head, the heating pad isnt helping, and pain killers arent helping much.

At this point youre probably like “dude just some nyquil” which yeah youre right i should but we didnt have extra money this week to buy any and we dont have any so thats why i didnt do that. Also like I said before I /am/ tired, im really fucking tired and i dont really have thoughts its more like fast and loud static and like energy i have to get out or i get uncomfortable, so the past few nights (last night was really bad) Im up clutching and rocking and snapping and tapping my feet just trying to get rid of that energy. It comes a little bit in the day i was talking to a friend and typing so fucking fast while also thinking about some oc idea and then BAM no energy at fucking all like i had to lay down. This also leads into ive been trying to read out loud to myself so i can try to get my voice lower cause my voice bothers the hell out of me, but i cant focus for longer than like 5 minutes cause of loud static and extra energy and being tired and my eyes being tired so its really frustrating.

The thing is i go to a psychiatrist for my meds and what she told me (idk if this is true everywhere or just how she is) that i had like textbook bipolar but becaue at the time i was ike 14/15 they didnt want to diagnose it cause i was still young. Bipolar runs in my family, just like depression and anxiety, so i wasnt super suprised by that and as i got older i got less scared (theres nothing scary about people with bipolar btw i just didnt know what to expect or think cause of how i saw it in like movies and stuff) i thought maybe i wasnt and i just had highs and lows like everyone else, but looking back i can see that the highs and lows were really extreme and like i said before i was super suicidal last year and just kinda gave up and earlier this summer it took a lot of energy to do anything, but this isnt like doing reckless things kinda high like it normally is and it fucking suck ass guys. On top of that my ever so supporting lately mother was like “look up manic episodes” so i told her i know what it is but she just pushed to look it up so i did and of course i made a joke about increased sexual activity (which my virgin is not) and looked like yes i know. (side note dw too much im going to the doctors tomorrow and im gonna see what i can do about my meds and stuff).

So yeah sorry for another shitty life update (not including tons of dysphoria, isolation, and more self hate but whatevs)

[kamyyu]

1 !!

What made you choose this muse?

I…. DON’T REMEMBER…. I HONESTLY DON’T…. it’s been so long omfg i dont know what suddenly made me go ‘let me write this asshole’i just know that before allstars was released, my one of my friends kept pestering (’pestering’) me with him, and my tsundere ass said ‘i hate him’ but somehow he kinda grew on me…. even though i genuinely believe he’s a trash asshole…. that thought never really went away lololol… so ykno they were actually roleplaying him and it somehow sparked my interest i guess???then i played allstars and i FELL IN LOVE;;; but platonically he’s my son he’s my favourite but im not attracted to him (what is this bullshit, this isnt how fictional favourites work for me)…i dont know man, his story really moved & impressed me like, idk if you read the about page of my blog but he really isnt much AU from the game!! the only thing i left out is that he’s scouted by shining!!! everything else = SAME SHIT with some creative interpretation/ twists, true, but ykno.i remember crying (yes, crying) when haruka thought he was in love with the queen (yes, because of sth like that lol), no idea why. maybe because it suddenly hit me how lonely he is? because he really is lonely. in a twisted way that makes him unable to truly experience/feel it – i do think he realises it, but he’s like…. ‘idgaf tho i have my queen rabu rabu kissu kissu’ lololol… i dont think his route was the most entertaining for me per se (tokiya takes that spot lmao), but his character is so mesmerising to me… like… something about that bitterness, that loneliness, that blind devotion, kinda enchanted me in a way?? he’s imo also one of the most complicated characters in utapri, if not THE most complicated bc he has so many layers…. you can say they all do but really with camus it feels like you can keep digging and keep digging and STILL you wont know anything about him, he’s STILL going to be a mystery in some way, like i’ve been playing him for what, 4? years now, and i STILL dont know what he’s up to half of the time i just write what feels right manso the complexity of him, i guess. but i dont think i realised that when i started out, it was more about the (clenches fist) unwavering devotion and pride that comes with it.in any case it can’t be bc he’s such a charming handsome man LOLOLOL not at all, he’s just – such a GOOD character u know.Utapri is an otoge that doesn’t do villains bc its all about kira kira! doki doki! MUSIC!! but he’s such a dark character (you just dont see it as much bc hes, you know, IN LOVE when u see him in the game), he would probably be a villain if this was any different.he’s a bit similar to Kazama from Hakuouki in that aspect, I feel…Wow what a mess this is. But there you have it, I think I made sense somewhere.

@niji-iro-melody @cxdxnce, yes, good, i knew it was worth rambling over this bc i’d get this question a few times.