#i REMEMBER you couldnt go back in the episode because my english wasnt good enough to listen to an english podcast and understand everything

[horngryeyes]

hey ive got a question about welcome to nightvale. am i the only one who had a welcome to night vale app back in like, 2017/2018 (i think)? it had all the episodes on it and you could play them but i remember that you could not go back in them. it was themed after the logo, purple n all. i tried finding it now and i cant see it on appstore? and now im wondering if my brain made it up because thats a very wtnv thing to do

[innocencelives]

i just remembered. in high school in my chemistry textbook, there was this picture. i think it was of a child being held. i think? maybe it was something different. i think it was a boy. i remember i memorized the page it was on, and everytime i had chemistry class i would go to that page and like, be sad. i totally forgot about that. that was 11th grade i think, 10th grade was when i realized i was abused. i remember i was so, like. sensitive, and in a lot of pain in private, but acted really normal. i remember, i was triggered just by the word “boy” and “abuse”. everything made me think of it. i doodled alot i still have this one doodle i remember i did in 12 grade english, of a hand that says “dont” on top of it. i recently also remembered that i stole my sisters textbook from her psychology class and read about sex abuse. i watched a few documentaries about it, i watched a bunch of episodes of oprah on it i remember. i remember the first therapist i mentioned it with, it was while i was still trying to understand what happened, i told her something happened and i didnt know what. i remember i was so scared, i couldnt talk at all, i remember writing on a piece of paper to talk to her, the next session i told her i knew what happened, and i think she had an idea who i would say, because she discouraged me from saying who. that was when i switched to a different therapist where i eventually went through the same process, by then i was 17, and i was stupid enough to tell her who it was. and she immediately said she was going to report it, and i begged, i cried and begged her not to report it saying my family would fall apart. i wish she had reported it. i wish she didnt listen to me. she told me that we had to stop seeing each other or she could get in trouble for not reporting it. its interesting. in middle school when my parents found out i was cutting they put me into therapy, i didnt know why i cut and i couldnt explain why to anyone. but thinking back i definitley did it as, like a way to communicate. i wanted someone to see i was hurting, i wanted to tell someone what was happening to me. definitley when i realized what happened to me in 10th grade, that was when everything started to fall apart. i stopped caring about school, i slept all day and continued cutting. couldnt talk to anyone about it, except like, when i was on tumblr with monty. i was really isolated wow. over the rest of highschool, i just stayed really depressed and barely graduated. god. and from there just downhill, first the treatment center, then homeless then back under my parents control at the apartment, homeless again, and now here. its crazy to see it from a birds eye view. that like, i was a good kid i think? i had things i liked, hobbies, i was passionate about alot of things and i was bright. but. it feels like a disease, like an infection. the cutting in middle school was the infection starting to show signs on my body. but i wasnt saved, i was still isolated, nothing changed, so the infection progressed and i got worse. and ended up where i am now. it makes sad. to see it more clearly now. it does feel validating, to be able to like, track the points in where my life collapsed. its validating to see that, the abuse like. it changed everything. it really broke me. and time and time again, i tried to show people, but the message didnt get through. i wasnt saved. and when it festers inside you, it kills you slowly. i think, its good to feel empathy for myself. thinking about this, i do feel self love and care. because, i see now more clearly than ever that, i was a good kid. i am a good kid.

[sikereviewdotcom]

strawberry shortcake s2 ep1 - horse of a different color

this one was suggested by someone who couldnt keep their mouth shut and not sing the strawberry shortcake intro theme in the middle of our economy class

no one wanted to hear that, but they  went ahead and then i actually followed up on that train of thoughts i remembered about the fucking cartoons and i knew it pronto: its a must-see shit its like slightly above the level of magical school bus series, but the final rating is for the fin not the beginning so lets begin this horseshit:

were reviewing “horse of a different color”, it focuses indeed on strawberrys horse, honey pie pony (its her entire damn name, how sweet right? like all of them, i got diabete from this review but its the cost of maintaining this blog anyway, the kids are playing together on a that tree having fun jumping around like chimpanzees hooba hooba but sadly our filly quickly realizes she cant play king kong with them and keep falling on her ass,

yet since theyre all retarded or young (id say its a fifty-fifty case for them kinda normal ig, i mean they ARE literal 6yo) they try several ways of getting her up on that tree, not thinking how to get her down if they ever were to succeed (good for them: aint happening) its child labor too btw, from an horse still same deal what if honey pie fell down on them? crushing them corpses with her mighty pounds? the findus company would be delighted to hear such news, im sure its some quality (sweet ass) horse meat

once it all fails she understands a horse isnt meant to climb a tree, too big too fat its four legged, not even entertaining the relationship giraffes have with trees

but it aint over, then (after a talk with herself) hp hears the laughters of a bunch of kids which catches her attention, it always does who can ignore that sorta noise? although she aint annoyed by it shes just into the idea of riding a bike now, shes even gonna get a go at it oh yea thats it we finally found her human hobby gogdamn shes a backward furry

of course it fails aswell since she has no hand for the handle and shes heavy so i guess its the reason why she rides into w/e and cant stop? because otherwise she couldve also just.. actually it makes no sense does it? i mean she couldve easily stopped the ride actually how is that kid bike even holding her? ive never tried putting a pony on a bike for 6 y/o but i doubt about its capacity in not being crushed aswell as i doubt in the kids bones not being severely damaged after a visit under honey pies horsy buttcheeks

but all of that really makes her sad: she cant play with her human friends and shes the only horse around strawberry land or whatever see me tearing it for her, theres so much emotions in this episode especially after that filly trynna get kids to get into some horseplay horseshit like dude theyre only 6, lets go easy on them, might have a problem with the parents of the kids watching this episode no one even thought how fucked up this one part is? sure horseplay isnt only sexual or w/e but it still is the visual of 6yos on all four jumping around and neighing together with their ass a little bit too exposed wow im going on a dangerous road here? aint i? not gonna sue the writers im sure it was their subconscious speaking probably got issues from their childhood, eventually got them sorted out since 2004 what do i know? aside from me not caring

back on track : after seeing horsey being so sad the kiddos decide to get her a horse friend but where the fuck? they got no idea, they are proud nonetheless and go tell honey the good new until they are like “wait but we have no idea where to find horses!” ofc we get a big reveal, some serious strawberry shortcake lore: actually all the horses, ALL OF THEM FROM THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLANET are on one (1) single island: ice cream themed to diversify it all they are just chilling over there in ponyland and for some reason this one here got lost or idk guys she took the boat and checked the rest of the world out as an even younger filly, found strawberry and her friends and decided now she was a centaur  slash humanrry furry human, idk you get it but shes their friend and so on to introduce the concept of an AWESOME island full of equestrian activity and ofc ice cream but its kinda lame because who cares? everythings already made out of food, also why isnt the ice cream melting? its one water? nevermind for the introduction as i was saying, hp sings an horrendous sounding song it deteriorated my ear drums they got pierced or something  or maybe im exagerrating? either case horses cant sing:

so to the ice cream land they go, huh

of course it wouldnt be a big adventure without an almost broken bridge oh no whatever shall we do? could we possibly cross it safely? lets try it out  guys: yay it worked good for us little stress and suspense it was wack how they got honey pie out of the hole her big ass hoove made im mesmerized by the power of friendship and sugar at this point, just in full awe for the rest of the episode probably over dosed on all the ice cream flavoured horseshit, i got some all over my mouth its dripping on my desk i gotta clean that later

next thing we know: horses its all this episode is about (aside from labor) but you see, so far hp would switch between normal human language and neighing well turns out her other fellow equines can only neigh and so they just neigh together while our english well-spoken mammal translates to the moronic kids who just smile smuggly

of course the animals are having a welcome party then, dancing around while the morons are just bored, harsh one being a cartoon character isnt it guys? w/e theyre gonna ask for honey pie to come back home now, convinced that her natural habit isnt her place and she loves them too much to just leave them and never come back and break any plans they ever had together- oh shit looks like shes leaving forever huh? what a plot twist mark that on the bitch quota for today

the first one to leave is the little boy btw, important thing to note: hes the biggest pussy he cant even face reality: oh no, no more pony back time before sleep thats quite a bummer, downer and man how are they going to survive now they got no animal to watch over them? jesus theyre soon, on the boat (idk where they got it from idk why suddenly theyre on a boat because then theyre once again gonna cross that bridge but ok) anyway yea theyre having a relationship crisis during that ship trip yada yada ah and the bridge, because (see i do not call them morons for now reasons obviously they deserve this title not only because theyre 6 but also because they are just daft:) they proceed, once in the middle of the bridge all 4 of them, to stop and wonder

“will the bridge be able to hold all of us? wont it break? damn i wonder if it will crack” and they talks without moving until vlam: a tree comes and breaks it (dont ask) so now theyre in trouble:

back to ponyland: bitch pie realizes how much she misses her actual friends and that she can speak english which her other horse friends cant do so she is special and probably abnormal, shes a big outcat of the pony society and has no other reason but to escape her incoming death sentence for fraternizing with the humans of course none of the second part is true, she just wants to see the kids again so she says asta la vista baby to the neigher team and runs away see, she hasnt taken the boat and yet also arrive to the bridge? why a boat sequence then? i will skip this for now but it WILL play in the rating, imagine im the parent of the youngster watching this crap and i have to endure it

if it sucks this bad and is this illogical i might just get bored and change the channel, idc my progeny aint gonna be watching this in either case, ill make them watch political debates then interrogate them on what they learned after what but it wasnt actual political debates just random furry youtuber venting with their fursona sprites animated and thats how you make your kids retarded, the kick of this joke is that i aint planning on getting any kids but totally gonna make them watch classics too such as the attack of the killer donuts as soon as they reach 6 so they wont be dumb and probably not getting diabete or w/e in their adulthood

then honey pie saves the kids btw all of them, heavy shit

and they all go back to strawberryland, happily after a big “wow i missed you sm, you are my real friends w/e if you dont look like me i aint speciest guys really!” theyre all vegan too btw so this works for them i havent watched enough strawberry shortcake episodes to know if they ever eat meat but i have doubts seeing how theyre into a very cannibalistic diet which include eating dessert when obviously thats what they are at least half part, this cartoon raises a lot of political questions it may have a deeper value than i first attributed to it

the end: another terrible song plays about horseshit and how tasty it is

thats all folks

so the rating: big 6/10, so you know 5/10 if its a decent kid show where im highly eager to click on the x and get back making jams but nah

surprisingly enough, i only wanted to stop watching half of the episode and not the entirity of it so credits for thats since im an adult and not a kid, imagining kids enjoyed this sweet childish cartooness or w/e now why +1? its because of how many political questions it raised, how it made me think about our society and cakes yknow its more than kids having a conflict with an horse it talks about veganism, specism, handicap, cannibalism, the management of the limited ressources were exploiting and so on yea really makes you think, its subliminal messages to make kids smarter: they watch their dessert-imbecile counterparts doing bs and then get it right irl: good  ah- it also makes it better for you when youre watching this with your kid, you suddenly transcend to another level of spirituality, existential crisis activated or at least reasoning mode or w/e youre willing to name this the point is you arent bored still despite all of this i rated it quite low for such a serious kid cartoon what couldve possibly made me tic? 1) kids are morons and cant understand all of this, not clear enough for the targeted public 2) projection onto the characters/dialogues from the writers of their childhood traumas (the horse play event didnt go unnoticed, karren brown) 3) my little pony ripoff 4) its controversial, our society, especially in 2004 couldnt understand the depth of this shit and finally 5) i got so much ice cream flavoured horseshit all over my desk god help me this is so filthy what a fucking mess i would totally recommand it to anyone who feels like being blown away by the statements made in this work of art 6/10 but really we all know in the future, itll be a 9/10, some ahead-of-its-time-crap

tg, out

[the-priestes-blog]

Carry On - a destiel fanfiction

CHAPTER 1 – a plan

**just wanted to say that this is my first attempt at writing a story, feedback (positive and negative) will definitely be appreciated**

**also, english is not my native language, so please correct me if you find any mistakes**

Rain.

Of course it was raining. What else could happen on a sunday, the one day of the week where i didnt have to work. To be honest, i always liked the rain, it was the only time where noone wanted to be out on the street.This way i could be alone outside, on my own without any other people bothering me. But on the other hand i always felt really uncomfortable getting wet, so i end up staying inside watching TV most of the time. Today was no different. I shoved a pizza into the oven and threw myself on my sofa, which by now was already sunken in because of the many times i used it. Waiting for my pizza to finish i turned on the TV and watched as the opening of Game of Thrones started playing. I couldnt help but quietly hum the opening song while the camera traveled across the inward Globe of Westeros and Essos. Man, i loved this show. Between working and sleeping, GoT was the only thing i had, my life wasnt really that exciting after all. A crap job at a Gas‘n‘sip, my flat which i could barely afford and Netflix, that was basicly it. It was a tiring and uneventful life.

Without even noticing it i slipped away and fell asleep. Even my dreams were boring. Normally you´d expect to dream of adventures and exciting storys, not me though, i dreamt of being at work. I stood at my counter, as always, wearing my generic blue suit with the nametag that reads „Castiel Novak“. The usual people came into the store, i never really payed attention to them and they never talked to me either. All i know is what they buy. There is this one girl buying chips, a guy that always buys pie, and some dude buying nothing but dog food. They came in, payed for their stuff and left, and when they were gone i was all alone again. This was usually the time i spent being sad and  regretting my life decicions. Dropping out of college to „take life into my own hands“, only to end up at some gas station without any friends or family support. To my family i was always the black sheep, the rebel who didnt adhere to the plan that everyone else followed and tried to do his own thing. I had a big family. Brothers, sisters, cousins and even a nephew, Jack. After my mother died, my father disappaered and the rest of my family abandoned me, he was the only relative left that liked me. What had i become? I used to be energetic and full of life, look at me now, pathetic. But who knows, maybe this was my punishment, maybe i deserved it.

Suddenly i  heard a beeping. And then i smelled it. Fire? No, it couldnt be, i never dreamt of something exiting. CRAP. I found myself on my sofa and quickly looked at my watch. I must have slept for over an hour, even the episode of GoT was over by now. The beeping and the smell appeared to come from the kitchen, the fire alarm must have gone off. Then i remembered. MY PIZZA! It was only supposed to be in the oven for around 10 minutes! I rushed into the kitchen. Entering the room without choking was nearly impossible because of all the smoke that instantly greeted me upon opening the kitchen door. Widely opening the window to let the smoke out of my apartement i hoped that nothing seriously caught on fire. I grabbed my fire extinguisher and i turned off the oven. Smoke blocked my view it as i carefully opened it. That however didnt stop me from instantly spraying it with the foam from my extinguisher. I knew that you were only supposed to slightly press down the handle because using only a little bit of foam was enough, but i didnt care, i pressed it all the way through. In this hasty and dangerous situation the only thing i could think of was getting rid of the potential fire hazard. After around 30 seconds the extinguisher was empty and i was finally able to see something. Everything appeared to be alright, no flames to be seen anywhere. Being glad that i didnt burn down the entire house i turned off the fire alarm and pulled the crispy black substance that had once been my delicious pizza out of the oven to take it outside into the bin. That was close. One thing was for sure though, i definitely needed to clean my oven now.

I couldnt sleep. Normally i was pretty good at sleeping, i could basicly fall asleep at any given time, even when i already slept earlier. But now was different. Just a few hours ago i almost burned down the entire house and even now my heart was still racing. I was so scared that i accidentally forgot a piece of ember or something that could reignite my kitchen. But deep down i knew that wasnt going to happen, i took care of everything even remotely dangerous. Its true what they say, fear really is irrational. I was really scared, like really really scared, but at the same time i liked it. My body was filled with excitement, something happened! Something that was not a fictional event that happened in Game of Thrones, but an actual tense and dangerous situation, one that i experienced first hand. That feeling, that mix between fear and excitement was simply overwhelming. Sure, having to deal with a burning kitchen was something that i didnt ever want to happen again, but that feeling, a feeling i hadnt felt in long time, reminded me of my teenage years, years where i was free. No responsibilities, no rules, no labels. I was just me. Not the boring and sad me that i am now, but the wild, young and happy me. The me that didnt care what others thought, the me that did whatever he wanted no matter what others told him, the me that wasnt scared.

Something needed to change. No, i needed to change. I wanted to go back. Wanted to having another chance. Another chance at having friends, being out there, i wanted another chance at living.

My decision was made, i couldnt keep going like that, i was going to do something, talk to people , get a hobby, maybe even make friends. But where should i start? I always get anxious when i have to talk to people. Then i knew. The customers at the gas station. I was used to seeing them, so i knew at least something about them. This way i wouldnt have to start with complete strangers. For the first time, i was going to talk to them.

Motivated. Thats how i felt. I had a plan. Tomorrow at work i would talk to a customer, not just tell them the price and give them their change. I would do something. Tomorrow was going to be exciting . I happily closed my eyes. And with that i finally went to sleep.

** i will complete this story on my wattpad, so if you´re interested, here is a link**

https://www.wattpad.com/user/LilyWinchester_