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elyvorg · 4 years

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Wandersong character rambles 1 of 3: Kiwi

Wandersong is so incredibly good that I need to get all my Thoughts about it off my chest by writing a series of rambles analysing its three most important characters. There will be spoilers, obviously. Plus, this’ll probably be kind of hard to follow anyway for people who haven’t played the game. Go play Wandersong! You won’t regret it.

(For anyone unaware, Kiwi is the bard’s canon name. It doesn’t feel right at all just calling them “the bard” for this; it makes them seem like just a simple caricature and not a complex and fully-rounded person with issues. Since part of their issues are specifically about wanting to be seen as more than just a silly happy bard, I want to do right by them and call them by an actual name. I was tempted to use “Lute”, the name given to them by the Let’s Play that introduced me to this game, which I still kind of think of them as, but I really should use the name that others reading this post are more likely to be familiar with. So, they’re Kiwi.)

2 of 3: Miriam

3 of 3: Audrey

Hero issues

Kiwi spends a lot of the story being bothered by the feeling of not being a hero like they so badly wish they could be. Although they hide it and keep being their usual cheerful self on the surface most of the time, the few times they end up talking about this, they lament how they’re not a hero at all, they’re nobody, nothing they do matters. Which is heartbreaking to see – because, really, it’s so obvious the whole time to everyone except Kiwi themselves that, even without the Earthsong, they’re already every bit the hero they want to be.

They may not be your typical action hero with cool powers like Audrey, and Miriam may also have powers and be better at the logistical side of things in terms of flying them places and knowing where to go next. But those aren’t the only things that matter! Kiwi is a different kind of hero who focuses on people, on understanding and helping and inspiring them. They make at least a small difference to so many people’s lives, just through talking and singing and caring about everyone!

During Act 3, after getting super excited at the idea of going on this heroic quest and being the destined hero who would bring back the mermaids, Kiwi ended up being really disappointed when they realised they weren’t going to bring the mermaids back and be that great hero after all. But ultimately, they did the right thing and respected the mermaids’ wishes rather than shallowly trying to make themselves look cool. They put others’ feelings above their own – which was the far more meaningfully heroic thing to do in that situation. (And I imagine that Audrey would have done the exact opposite.)

And don’t even get me started on the BUGS, which were the absolute perfect way to show just how instinctively Kiwi cares about everyone and everything, no matter how seemingly insignificant. With all the reminders that the Earthsong has never ever worked before, it’d be easy for Kiwi saving the world in the end to feel cheap and unearned. But the narrative does a great job of building up, through so many little things, that if anyone is capable of actually bringing the world together in harmony through music and connecting with everyone like they need to for the song to work, it’s Kiwi. They get it more than anyone else does. (And, well, technically it wasn’t the Earthsong they sung in the end, but the Wandersong succeeded in saving everyone because of the exact same principle.)

Another obviously-heroic thing about Kiwi is how determined they are, even when things seem almost hopeless. The only point at which they ever truly gave up on their quest was very briefly after the Queen of Chaos died, since they believed collecting the Earthsong had just become completely impossible. But as soon as Miriam reminded them that they can talk to ghosts and therefore there’s still at least a tiny chance, Kiwi got right back up and kept trying, and they never stopped again, no matter how small and overwhelmed and unheroic they felt. Which just makes them even more amazing – there’s nothing truly impressive about heroic feats if the “hero” finds them easy.

I grew more and more attached to Kiwi throughout their adventure for all of these reasons and more. They’re just so good! I was so, so invested in seeing them finally realise how much of a hero they were and become as proud of themselves as they deserved to be.

And, well… that part of the story ended up being a lot more understated than I was expecting. It’s only in their final speech trying to get through to Audrey that Kiwi expresses something to this effect: the notion that her being “the Hero” is just a meaningless title, and that if she worked with them to try and actually save the world and do the right thing, that’s what would make her a real hero.

It was probably spending so much time being jealous of Audrey’s powers and chosen-ness, yet frustrated about the way she insistently did the opposite of saving the world despite this, that led Kiwi to realise that the kind of person who shoots lightning first and asks questions later is, in fact, not at all the kind of “Hero” that truly counts as one. That really, it’s way more important to actually try and do the right thing, even if you’re just an ordinary person without goddess-given cool powers.

This is all directed at Audrey, though; Kiwi never applies those ideas to themselves. Still, the fact that they’re able to say that at all proves that they have finally figured out what really, meaningfully makes someone a hero, so presumably they’re not going to be feeling insignificant over not being one any more, even aside from the part where they really did end up saving the world.

But maybe it’s appropriate that Kiwi never quite has that explicit realisation moment of “I guess this means I really am a hero after all”. Because this isn’t about them. Being a real hero means making things about everyone other than yourself. And since Kiwi genuinely is this kind of hero, they wouldn’t make things about themselves like that. So even though this wasn’t quite how I was expecting things to go, maybe it’s how it always should have gone after all.

…Or, perhaps, it’s because Kiwi is too selfless, and they just don’t think their own feelings about wishing they were a hero are important enough to bring up and address at all. Not in this moment, or in any moment in general.

Too selfless

That’s the other aspect of Kiwi’s issues. They share their happiness and good feelings all the time because it helps people, which is a lot of why they’re able to be such a good hero! But they’re so selflessly focused on helping others that it begins to be kind of unhealthy towards themselves. Sharing their bad feelings doesn’t help anyone (or so they assume), so they just… don’t.

Kiwi didn’t truly get over their moping about not being the hero for several acts. Rather, in their own admission, they just stopped thinking about it. They started focusing instead on the things they could be happy about, like having managed to help Miriam and the people of Chismest. But they didn’t ever deal with their own problem; they pushed it aside and ignored it. That’s… not actually a healthy coping mechanism.

Miriam comments in the dancing conversation that Kiwi makes it look like it’s so easy to just be happy, and they unthinkingly respond with, “It is!”. And then it’s only after some more prodding from her that they admit… maybe it isn’t; maybe they actually have to try really hard to ignore the things that make them feel sad. But they’re so used to suppressing their bad feelings, so stuck on the thought that they should just be happy all the time, that they’ve even suppressed the fact that it’s hard for them to do that.

In particular, Kiwi calls their bad feelings “not important” – even though they readily acknowledge that Miriam’s bad feelings, and everyone else’s, obviously are important and worth talking about, because it’ll help them! But apparently, their own bad feelings are the sole exception to that. Kiwi is the one person who doesn’t need to be helped, according to Kiwi themselves. They exist to help other people feel happy, and their own bad feelings won’t do that, so those feelings don’t matter.

When Kiwi empathised with the bugs being small and insignificant, it read a lot to me like that came so naturally to them because part of them feels the same way sometimes. Not necessarily about their singing and their happiness, since they recognise the value of that. Rather, it’s as if the part of them that feels bad things has been horribly suppressed and smothered and treated as unimportant by the rest of them for their whole life. Which is incredibly sad and not okay!

After sort of confronting some of this during their conversation with Miriam near the end, Kiwi admits, “I’m the crazy one”. And perhaps they’re not precisely wrong to say this – turns out they’re pretty messed up, actually. These kind of issues could simply be put down to “because they really are just that painfully selfless” – and, I mean, Kiwi is – but in their case, there’s actually a little more to it.

Parent issues

The short of it all is that this is Kiwi’s parents’ fault.

Recall the beginning of Act 4. Kiwi has just been laid up in bed for probably a day or two because they were struck by lightning and seriously injured. Even though they’re finally well enough to walk around again, they’re obviously still feeling very down about something. Yet their own mother doesn’t ask how they’re doing, doesn’t wonder what’s wrong, doesn’t offer to listen if they want to talk about it. All she says to them is, “don’t go out looking like that; you’d look cuter if you smiled”.

Which, when you stop and think about it, is really rather messed up. Especially knowing from later parts of the game that Kiwi has issues with expressing their negative emotions and feels like all they should ever be doing is spreading happiness for everyone else’s sake.

(Their mom is perfectly satisfied with their obviously-forced smile, too, apparently not registering that if they can’t even muster a real smile right now then things must be seriously bad. As a neat detail, Kiwi will only put up the forced smile in their mom’s house, dropping it as soon as they’re not looking at her and putting it back up only if they turn to face her. Seems like they fully expect to be nagged by her all over again if they dare to not smile in her presence.)

I found this family interaction vaguely odd and questionable already during my first time seeing Act 4. What really clinched things for me, though, was the casual reveal during the credits that, oh, hey, the Baron from the factory – you know, the guy who was trying to force artificial happiness upon the whole town and only making everyone more miserable in the process – was actually Kiwi’s dad.

So, that Happy Kid toy he was making, which was (in theory) supposed to be a fountain of pure joy that would bring happiness to everyone who owned one? All those sales pitches for it sure hit different when you know that its creator is Kiwi’s father, who was almost certainly basing the toy off of his own literal happy kid. Happy Kid exists to make everyone happy! Everyone loves Happy Kid! Every family wants a Happy Kid! (And nobody cares about how Happy Kid actually feels inside. That’s not important.)

When they were little, Kiwi probably was genuinely quite a cheerful kid in the first place, someone who could make others smile just by being around them. Which apparently inspired their father to disappear and devote his life to spreading an embodiment of that joy to even more people, in theory creating happiness for everyone… except Kiwi themselves.

Little Kiwi was probably pretty sad about it at first. Their dad just up and disappeared one day, after all! But it seems like their mom agreed with her husband’s philosophy of how their kid should just be nothing but a wonderful fountain of happiness for others, so she encouraged Kiwi to suppress that sadness and all but forget they were ever upset about anything. When commenting in the ending that they don’t even remember what their dad looks like, Kiwi doesn’t seem sad about it at all. They don’t even seem to realise that not remembering one’s own father is objectively kind of a sad thing, even though they’re perfectly capable of recognising that Miriam being straight-up abandoned by her parents is sad.

I don’t think it would be wrong to say that Kiwi’s parents genuinely love their child, in some sense of the word. But my god, making things about everyone except Kiwi themselves was precisely the wrong way to express that, and Kiwi grew up pretty messed up as a direct result of this.

At some point seemingly a decent while before the beginning of the game, Kiwi moved out of their mom’s house and got their own place near Langtree. And I don’t think Kiwi quite consciously realises why they wanted to move out. That would require them to be able to acknowledge negative thoughts involving awkwardness and discontent with their family that they’ve been conditioned for a lifetime to suppress. In the credits, when their mom wishes they would come back and live with her (and their dad) again, Kiwi just says “No,” with no elaboration as to why not. They don’t mention that they feel really at home in Langtree, and they certainly don’t express the idea that maybe they kinda don’t like it in Chismest. There’s so much not being said about how weird and awkward and not-okay their whole family situation is, because Kiwi has unconsciously learned to not think about any of it at all.

The climax of Act 4’s mini-story, the scene in the factory where everyone confronts the Baron with the sentiment of, “hey, your forced attempt to make people happy is actually just making us all way more miserable beneath it, please stop”… there’s no way that’s not also a metaphor for exactly the kind of thing Kiwi themselves should be confronting their parents about. The Baron says after accepting his mistake that he’s got a lot he needs to think about – and he sure does. Not just regarding his town, but regarding his kid. The real one. Hopefully he can figure this out himself, and maybe share that revelation with his wife. But still, I worry that this bizarre couple might need someone to tell them this… and Kiwi, on their own, doesn’t seem likely to do that.

Miriam is the best

Good thing Kiwi has Miriam! She is the absolute perfect person to gradually become their best friend over the course of their adventure. And this isn’t just because the two of them can relate to each other over feeling inferior hero-wise, or being outsiders, or having difficulty opening up about certain feelings.

More than any of that, it’s because Miriam just so happens to be someone who is only helped and inspired by Kiwi once she becomes aware that they’re not perfect. In order to help her, like they always want to do, they have to actually talk about their not-so-positive feelings for once.

I cannot overstate how much I absolutely love this. It is exactly what Kiwi needed to stop being quite so painfully selfless and finally begin to become more comfortable with opening up about their own bad feelings.

For the first three acts, Miriam will get mad if you sing within earshot of her. She stops doing this from Act 4 onwards (except for a single screen in Act 5 when she’s upset about her broom having just been blown up). So it’s not that she has a problem with Kiwi’s singing in and of itself. I think what really frustrates her about it is that it’s Kiwi being so loudly and obviously happy around her. It must feel like they’re just rubbing it in how easy it is for them to be perfectly happy all the time. That’s bound to sting when being happy isn’t remotely that easy for Miriam – so naturally, she responds by getting angry, which is her go-to way of covering up her painful feelings.

It’s only in Act 4 once she sees first-hand that Kiwi doesn’t always find it so easy to be happy that Miriam appears to realise that their singing isn’t them trying to be obnoxious about it at all. Now that she knows they’re not perfect, it’s easier for her to understand that they’re genuinely doing it to try and help people rather than just to show off. (Perhaps sometimes Kiwi even needs to sing like that to help themselves feel happy in the first place.)

During their conversation in Act 4 as Kiwi convinces Miriam to help take down the factory, Miriam initially refuses out of bitterness. She feels inferior and useless next to Kiwi, who’s been going around seemingly-effortlessly getting all these Overseer songs and Earthsong pieces and generally just being way better at this than her (and why are they even moping about anything when they’re obviously so good at this?). It’s only once Kiwi admits that they feel similarly inferior after having seen that Audrey’s the real Hero that Miriam reluctantly agrees to help. Maybe Kiwi isn’t quite as frustratingly perfect as she’d thought; maybe the two of them have a little in common after all. From this point on, the pair finally start to feel like genuine comrades who are in this together and can gradually begin to become friends.

In the dancing scene in Mohabumi, Miriam manages to admit that she admires Kiwi for how they never stop trying. But as part of this, she makes a point that this is despite them being in way over their head with all this saving the world stuff, and that’s what’s really inspiring about them. Knowing that Kiwi isn’t perfect and is struggling with stuff makes them more inspiring to Miriam, not less! (…Almost like a hero? Like maybe they’re actually a much better hero than someone like Audrey, who really is apparently perfect? (She’s not, of course, but that’s a matter for another post.))

Then there’s their conversation in Langtree just before the end, in which Kiwi eventually admits (after quite some prodding) that they find it hard to share their feelings just like Miriam does, at least if they’re bad ones. They assume sharing their bad feelings won’t help anyone – and I adore Miriam immediately countering that it would help *her*. It only exacerbates her inferiority complex to be around someone who appears so perfect all the time, making her feel even more useless and broken by comparison. Seeing that actually Kiwi is also just a human being with flaws and struggles – that’s what Miriam needs, to know that she’s not so alone with her problems, and that if her friend can keep trying their hardest to overcome them anyway, maybe she can, too.

Miriam is the best, and this kind of thing is exactly what a too-selfless hero like Kiwi who hides their problems too much for the sake of others deserves to hear. I very much hope that this is the beginning of Kiwi making an effort to express more than just happiness more often, because they need that. Even if they feel at first that they’re doing it more for Miriam’s sake than their own, at least they’re doing it at all.

I strongly headcanon that at some point after the ending, while hanging out together being friends and occasionally talking about heavier stuff such as their family situations, Kiwi and Miriam figure out between them why Kiwi is so bad at talking about their negative feelings – that there’s a tangible reason for them being kind of messed up like this. And then Miriam encourages them to embrace those painful, complicated feelings about their parents and lean in to the frustration, because they have a right to be angry about all this. (She’s bad at expressing her feelings, too, but at least she seems to have experience with the idea that getting angry and frustrated can be a helpful way to vent about things that upset you. Being at least a little more like that might be healthy for Kiwi as they get to grips with expressing things that aren’t happiness.)

So Miriam flies Kiwi over to Chismest so that they can finally confront their parents and be all, “hey, it’s your fault I’m kind of messed up and I’m not happy about it, and I just wanted you to know that”. Then hopefully their parents can reflect on that and maybe try and learn to actually put their kid’s feelings first for once. And Kiwi… still won’t necessarily quite feel better, because things don’t just magically become happy like that, but at least they’ll have let out their feelings about all this at last, and that’s good.

Kiwi’s name?

…Okay, so this last part here is some wilder theorising that I’m much less sure is likely to be what the writer intended. But I still find it interesting to think about.

One bit of dev commentary mentions that no two characters in the game address the bard the same way, which I guess is a fun detail in terms of the wide variety of nicknames that different characters use for them. But what it also incidentally means, and I don’t know if the effect of this is deliberate or not, is that Miriam is the only person who uses Kiwi’s actual name.

This kind of feels appropriate at a glance, what with how Miriam is the only person who really gets to know Kiwi as a person and comes to understand their deeper insecurities, while everyone else just sees the cheerful, carefree bard they appear to be on the surface.

But it’s also a little strange, because you’d think certain people other than Miriam should know Kiwi’s name. The people of Langtree should, surely, if Kiwi’s been living with them for a while and is considered part of the town by now? The villagers all address each other by name, for the most part, so why should Kiwi be an exception? Then there’s Kiwi’s own mother, who, sure, has a pet name for them, but it also reads as slightly odd that she never uses their actual name even once. It just adds a little more to the pile of weird awkwardness that this family already is.

So, here’s the wild theory: Kiwi’s name wasn’t even Kiwi until they were asked by Miriam and Saphy to give their name. They have a birth name that their mother gave them, but due to all the unspoken awkwardness with their family situation, they didn’t really want to bring that name with them to Langtree when they moved out. It’s effectively a deadname (…not that I think they’d quite word it that way to themselves, because that’d require openly acknowledging the bad feelings involved). They just never gave a name to the villagers in Langtree when introducing themselves, and said villagers never asked, either. Both parties were happy to simply use variations on “the bard”.

Then, when Miriam and Saphy actually did outright ask the bard for their name, because they didn’t want to give their deadname, they had to literally make up a new name on the spot.

The way in which the game makes you name the bard is really unique. It doesn’t give you freedom over a full keyboard of letters, so the naming process is a lot more haphazard and improvised than naming a player character usually is. You’re likely to initially land on a name that sounds silly and not right, then have to reject it and try a few more times until you get something you’re happy with, something that seems to fit for the character you’ve spent a whole act with by now.

Assuming you do take multiple tries, Miriam even has a line of dialogue commenting on how strange it is that the bard needed several tries just to say their own name. Then there’s her “Welcome to the ‘team’, ‘Kiwi’,” with quotation marks on not just the “team” (because Miriam is not happy about working with them), but also on the name, as if she’s extremely sceptical over whether that’s even their real name at all. Like it sounds like they just made it up on the spot – and this happens even if you do come up with it in one try.

Again, I’m not sure whether this is writer-intended; it could be just a coincidental side effect of the way the character-naming system is creatively integrated with the note wheel. But take the player out of the equation and view that scene at face value as something that really happened that way in-universe, and suddenly it reads a lot like the bard is coming up with a name for themselves off the top of their head!

The only other in-universe explanation is that Kiwi is just being silly and giving random letter-smushes as their supposed name before telling the truth, as… a joke? But that’s not even a great joke, not to mention just kind of rude to these people who are asking to work together with them. It doesn’t quite seem in character for Kiwi to do that.

…Mind you, they probably wanted Miriam and Saphy to think that the failed names were just some kind of weird joke. Actually admitting to any hint of the awkwardness with their family would never have crossed their mind as an option, because they’re supposed to be perfect and happy all the time, right? So, no, um, it’s actually totally normal to make several fake joking suggestions before telling someone your own name, and also to have a name that maybe possibly just came from you randomly picking your favourite fruit or something. It’s fine, they’re Kiwi now (they guess…?), and they don’t have any problems whatsoever. They want to help these new friends of theirs save the world, and having problems of their own would just get in the way of that.

Miriam probably did write it off as weird joking, but if we read this scene in a completely in-universe way, I think Saphy might have actually figured out what was really going on here. She’s the one who asks to confirm each time if this really is the bard’s name, which gives them the opportunity to back out and pick a different one if they’re not happy with this one. It reads like she knows exactly what they’re doing and is being understanding and patient, while also not prying into why they’re coming up with a new name here when they obviously don’t want to talk about it. Then, once the bard settles on something, she says, “What a wonderful name!”, like she wants to help them feel comfortable in the name they just picked for themselves. Saphy is good.

After the ending, as Kiwi has grown more comfortable with talking about their issues to Miriam, I imagine they’d confess to this at some point – but I’m sure they’d also decide that they’ve come to be quite happy with their new name by now. It’s what their best friend Miriam knows them as, after all, and that’s what’s most important.

#wandersong #the bard #miriam #ramble #character analysis #friends #oh hey looks like someone else has hero issues this time #see how much i love wandersong?#eight pages of rambling about just its main character much - and i'm not even done

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candlelight27 · 4 years

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Chapter 1: The Call Of Yesterday

Summary: Sylvain has been ignoring you since you met him. You had been in love with him since you met him. College is about to offer you a fresh start. New academic year, new life. You were ready to forget him. But fate seems to have other plans... (COLLEGE AU)

Series: Seeking Your Warmth If Only For A Day

Warnings: Not so unrequited love, Sylvain being an asshole, curse words

Pairings: Sylvain Jose Gautier x Female Reader

Word Count: 3617

AO3: The Call Of Yesterday

A/N: Okay, my aim is not for this College AU to be faithful to reality, but to incarnate my own college fantasy. I’m tring to use a lot of characters to make it interesting. Anyways, come talk to me! Send me your suggestions, your comments, your thoughts... And enjoy this fic!

“This is going to be my year”, you told yourself as you got ready for your first day of university. You were brushing your hair and styling it the way Dorothea suggested, since she always knew what would suit everyone’s features. You wanted to be perfect because that was going to be a special day.

Your mind wandered off into the days you spent in Garreg Mach High School. You smiled softly at the reminiscence, since some of the most beautiful memories you harboured took place there, between those cherished halls. Prom night, summer c88uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

amps, the sports club... You were going to miss that time, but you had to move on.

For that matter, it was about time you moved on from a certain thorn in your heart. One that had been bothering you for years. Of course, that thorn had a name, a middle name, and a surname, all too well known to everyone at Garreg Mach.

Sylvain Jose Gautier.

Your own particular unrequited love story.

Your crush on him was kept a secret throughout all high school, naturally. How could it not be? You had fell for the most renowned womanizer of your year – probably the most renowned womanizer of the whole history of your school. He was handsome, he was intelligent, he was nonchalant and carefree, yes, but he also was an asshole, and you didn’t want your friends acknowledging the fact that you had fell fully for his tricks. However, there was something quite worse than falling for the corny clichés and shameless lines Sylvain constantly used. Something far worse than melting with his every word and dying to be the girls whose cheeks he made blush. And infinitely worse than spending all your breaks trying to catch a glance of his fiery hair around the corners of the building.

The thing is that Sylvain had never spared a second glance to you. He hadn’t even tried to flirt you, unlike he did with the whole female community.

That complete banishment was what mortified you the most in your romantic ordeal.

You remembered that time Ingrid introduced you to her childhood friends, Dimitri, Felix and Sylvain. They had gone to the field to cheer her during a football match of your high school team. You had heard of them before and saw them often on the corridors, but you had never crossed a word with any of them, as they were in Ingrid’s class and not yours. You were quite excited to finally talk to Sylvain, for you had been looking at him in the distance ever since Ingrid started telling you stories about him. Yet while your heart pounced like a runaway horse, he only muttered a ‘hi’ and disappeared into thin air.

“Apologise our friend. He’s always off to chase skirts, it’s nothing personal”, tried to explain Dimitri, ever the gentleman.

The next few times you met him, he merely pronounced monosyllables to your efforts of striking up a conversation. Even Ingrid commented on how dry his behaviour was when you were there. How could love appear out of nowhere? It was probably the stupidity of puberty. But your desire was out of control and you couldn’t help going back to him. To those light brown eyes that seemed to melt your heart…

But it was all water under the bridge. You grew up. That silly attraction ongoing for years was going to meet its end with your fresh start at university. Your teenage love was gone with the wind.

You had all summer to psych yourself up and forget him. So far so good. No nigh-time fantasies to keep suffering, no fateful encounters to revive the forgotten flame, nothing to remind you of Sylvain.

You even went on a date with Ferdinand, something completely new for you. It was Dorothea, always meddling in your love life, who had set you up with him when she wormed out of you that you liked redheads. She was convinced your lifelong crush was Ferdinand, because you had been on the same class since you were kids. After such a pompous announce of your date with him, you almost felt bad for your brunette friend as you told her how horribly wrong your date was, but in the end you both laughed about it.

So, yes. You were indeed free from the fetters that Sylvain had bounded without realizing. Or so you thought. You didn’t want to think about that small trace of doubt that told you it would all be in vain the second you see him again after summer break.

“This is going to be my year…”, you repeated out loud as a chant while you gathered your things for your lessons.

“Are you ready?”, asked Ingrid from another room. She was now your flatmate, on one hand because a sudden friendship had bloomed during the holidays, on the other hand because Dorothea was stuck with a new exchange student, Petra, and Mercedes couldn’t be separated from Annette, so you both ended up alone and it seemed the obvious solution. You didn’t complain, you liked her company and things were working just fine.

“Yes!”, you answered and joined her in the entrance, rucksack on your back and phone on your hand.

Her blonde hair was tied neatly in a long braid and her clothes were comfortable yet formal, just like her usual self. She seemed excited for the fresh start, too, as she rushed to talk about the upcoming lessons.

You left the student’s residence, following a couple of groups of people you didn’t know. It was a sunny morning, thus the beams of light shone right though the leaves, already changing their colours at autumn’s pace. While you walked, Ingrid was checking her phone for new messages.

“Are you talking to the guys?”, you asked as you wondered about Sylvain’s schedule in silence – not that you were interested, you wanted to make sure you avoided him –. You didn’t want to be too straightforward, because even the most oblivious person, Ingrid in this case, would notice there was something going on if you were too invested in his affairs, so you were cautious.

“Oh, right now I’m talking to Ashe.” She smiled, still typing. You raised your eyebrows.

“I thought you weren’t that close to him.”

“He’s attending all my lessons so I’m checking a few things with him”, she answered. You nodded and checked your own phone.

Dorothea (08:45): I’m waiting for you on Anna’s Café.

Dorothea (08:45): HURRY UP YOU ARE SLOWER THAN MY GRANNY

“Dorothea’s waiting ahead for us”, you commented.

“Who are you sharing lessons with?”, Ingrid questioned, putting her phone away in her pocket. You hadn’t seen her so interested in the machine ever – you’d have to figure out if it was Ashe’s fault.

“I’m not sure!”, you said. “I think I’m sharing subjects with some of the Golden Deers… Marianne, Lysithea, Claude… Also, Mercedes and Bernadetta.” You weren’t that close to any of them in particular. You sometimes hoped you had closer friends with you, but at least it was a good opportunity to become closer to new people.

“That’s quite the group! All the houses of Garreg Mach mixed!”, the blonde exclaimed. She was right, it was going to be quite the sight – and an exciting adventure, too, you supposed. “Yesterday Sylvain told me he’s going to be in my first lesson today along with Felix, and on some other ones. But the ones who got the same itinerary as me are Dimitry and Ashe, so I’m going to see them often.” She made a pause, as if imagining the future. You, on the other hand, were delighted to hear you weren’t going to share classes with Sylvain. “Leonie and Edelgard have chosen that itinerary too –”

“Hello!” Dorothea sprang to you, dressed in the latest trend, as always. Her smile was radiant.

“Hi, Dorothea! We were talking about who’s on our classes”, commented Ingrid.

“I’m with Hilda! I was hoping some handsome boys would be on my classes but Hilda said she did the research and was quite disappointed.” Dorothea sighed but suddenly called your name. “Claude is in your class, right?” You nodded with caution. “Didn’t you get along with Claude?” You nodded again, furrowing your brows in suspicion. “You could ask him out!”

Ingrid started laughing while Dorothea’s voice was a sweet giggle.

“Playing the matchmaker again, Dorothea?” Ingrid tried to calm herself. “Last time, it was a disaster.”

“Yes, sorry for that”, offered Dorothea.

“Don’t sweat it”, you said, shaking your head humorously.

“But”, the singer wasn’t one to let things go, “he’s actually very hot. Everyone with eyes can see that. And he’s really easy going, unlike Ferdinand. And smart! You must have a lot in common –”

“I’m fine.” You had repeated the same many times. Your friends were trying to set you up on dates lately. “I can manage myself pretty well.”

“You could use a little stress relief though…” Ingrid blushed this time hearing Dorothea’s words. Noticing the silence, the brunette continued. “This goes for you too, Ingrid!”

“That’s not true!”

“Anyways, where’s Petra?” You tried to divert her attention as you were approaching your building.

“She had to sign some documents, so she must be in the main office,” informed Dorothea with a bright smile, her good mood contagious.

“I want to meet her”, said Ingrid, who hadn’t moved yet when you all were acquainted with the student from Brigid. You hadn’t shared more than a few greetings, but she was getting really close to her flatmate.

“We are going to throw a party at my house next week or the other!”, Dorothea announced with excitement. “If you don’t bump into her before, you’ll get to know here there.”

Even though you knew Dorothea’s parties tended to get out of hand, they were always fun, and it could be a great start for something new. You would have to work hard to convince Ingrid, who didn’t like going out that much.

And like that, you reached your destination and parted from them.

The halls of the place where you’d spend your next course studying were filled with students. All seemed to be trying to find the right way to their new classrooms. Chatter filled the air as you read the indications on your phone. It was confusing finding your way in the intricate web of corridors and doors.

“Where is room 122?”, you muttered and chewed your lip.

You found the room 121, but room 122 wasn’t nowhere in sight. You looked at the map, and figured it had to be around the next corner, so you kept walking to the direction you thought was right. You saw your phone, and it was almost 9 a.m., so you increased your rhythm. Then, you turned left.

Only to bump into someone. More specifically, someone’s chest.

You were quite confused as you fell on your butt and your backpack flew. Your bottom ached. Disoriented, you let out a faint ‘sorry’, but you were not sure to who it was directed. When you processed the situation, and that you were indeed going to be late on your very first day of university, you lifted your glance with the intention of getting up fast and entering your classroom.

Yet light brown eyes that seemed to melt your heart stared back at you.

“Are you all right?” The question was announced by a smooth, rich voice.

It was Sylvain.

Shit.

You felt a rush of nervousness that run all over your body. You tried articulating a sentence, a word, anything to play it off cool, but your tongue didn’t respond, so you simply nodded. You weren’t okay, but he didn’t need to know that. Sylvain seemed quite surprised. His luscious lips were parted slightly, his pupils were fixed on you, and he remained as still as a statue, which only added to your agitation. At last, as if he was awakened from a trance, he rose his eyebrows and extended his hand.

“Sorry, let me help you.”

You grabbed your rucksack and took his hand. It was warm, soft, and strong. Sylvain helped you up and you could see you were right in front of your classroom.

“I have to… go to my first lesson”, you said as you pointed at the door.

“Oh, yes. Me too”, he flashed you an award-winning smile of his, totally recomposed of the mishap. “I think we share itineraries.”

“I thought you were… with Felix. And Ingrid,” you said. Inside of you, your thoughts were rioting. This couldn’t be true, you repeated yourself over and over. Half of you was trying to stay calm and affirm yourself that your stupid crush was over. The other half was sheltering some kind of hope you didn’t have time to identify. What was clear was that the redhead managed to break all of your expectations once again and you didn’t like it one bit. Of course, you put on a blank face, totally disconnected from your real feelings.

“Yes, right. I switched itineraries this morning”, he extended his hand and hold the doorknob. “My father signed me up for the one he wanted without any kind of regard to what I wanted in life… So, yeah, thankfully I had time to change everything before it was too late.” He opened the door for you.

“That’s… nice”, you smiled timidly.

“We’ll see each other often, then.” You entered the lecture room and Sylvain walked behind. It was big and spacious, and it was full of students. But at that time, it was as if only Sylvain existed. You’d have to get used to his presence in your lessons. A new challenge, but you were going to ignore him anyways.

Sylvain bid you farewell with a ‘see you’ and took a seat next to Mercedes.

You looked around to see where you could see. You saw a smiling Claude waving at you, right next to Lysithea and Marianne, and making gestures for you to come closer. “Sit with us!”, you barely understood what he said with all the chatter in the room, but his body language left no doubt.

“Hi!”, exclaimed Lysithea, looking cheerful and determined as always. Marianne looked collected and waved her hand. They both seemed much more mature after summer break.

“I’m glad to see you here! Just in time.” Claude moved his books in order to make some room for you at his side. You took the seat and settled there.

“Nice to see some familiar faces here”, you told the Almyran.

“I wonder what this year has in store for us…”, he continued, but he couldn’t finish the rest.

A young professor appeared. He looked like another student, but you could sense the authoritarian aura around him. His short hair was dark blue, and he wore black clothes. This new face sparked your curiosity, and although you were dying to turn your head and see what Sylvain was doing, you forced yourself our of your own trap. ‘Focus! You’re here to study, dammit!’, you chastised yourself.

“My name is Byleth and I’m going to teach ‘Fódlan’s history and culture’”, started the new professor.

Then, Byleth proceeded to give a long, detailed, and boring speech about the bureaucratic minutiae related his subject. It was completely tedious. He went over percentages, grading systems, schedules, credits and so on. He was really testing your will at not being distracted.

Rather than yielding to temptation, you turned around to see what Claude was doing. He was stretching like a cat and yawning. When he realised you were looking at him, he winked at you. You weren’t expecting it, so you nervously smirked and looked elsewhere. You swore it was a coincidence that your glance just happened to fall upon the infamous womanizer of Garreg Mach.

Unexpectedly, your eyes met with Sylvain’s. You decided your safest option was looking at your professor and finally paying attention.

What was happening that disastrous day? The Goddess herself must have been punishing you. You felt like you lost a war to your heart. You thought you had finished the chapter where all you did was thinking about Sylvain, you were going to date someone else, maybe fall in love and, above all, you were going to avoid returning to those years head over heels for someone who didn’t even know your name – or at least you supposed so, since he had never said it. Instead of the sensible thing, your whole being decided to betray your will, and you were all flushed and flustered with a single look of that man. It didn’t matter it was the first time he paid attention to you or that your longest conversation had been held that very same day. It didn’t matter to your dumb heart, which-

“This project will be done in pairs and it’s about the 25-30% of the final grade.” Oh, you might have wanted to pay attention to that, now that Byleth was saying something quite important.

“What did he say?”, you asked Claude.

“Too busy giving Sylvain the eye?”, he remarked, a satisfied smirk on the side of his face.

“Claude!”, you tried to scold him, but as you were whispering, it sounded like a high-pitched yell of guilt. Just like your feelings.

“Okay, okay. No need to get your knickers in a twist”, he couldn’t resist teasing you. “There’s this big project, 30% of the final grade or so. We have to research a topic he will give.” He sighed. “The professor also added that he’s going to assign the partners. I know it’s for our own good, for the sake of team working and all that boring paraphernalia, but it kind of sucks.”

“Maybe we’ll be lucky and we will be able to work together”, you tried to look at the bright side.

“As much as I’d love that, I think it’d be far more interesting if you got paired with someone else we know…”, he trailed off, testing the waters.

“I don’t know what you are talking about”, you sentenced.

“I’m not a fool. I know you’ve liked him since high school”. That, you weren’t expecting it. You hadn’t been exactly secretive with your longing staring, but you hadn’t been expecting the master of gossip to be after your very own secret. “Don’t make that face. I didn’t tell anyone, but you can’t fool me.”

“Just don’t tell Dorothea or I’m not going to hear the end of it”, you surrendered and pleaded. What was the use of hiding it longer? Besided, Claude made you feel comfortable and you though that he might be the right person to help you.

“Don’t worry. Just, why him?”, he wondered.

“I… It’s something beyond my control. It’s like I was condemned to love him and I can’t escape by any means. Like a force of fate is controlling me.” Now that you got to put it to word… it was the perfect description to how you felt. And you wondered how that could be.

“And how come you haven’t hooked up yet?” He laughed again at your expression of shame. “He’s Sylvain! Come on!”

“He ignored me. As in, he had never talked to me in high school”, it actually felt better than you imagined having someone to talk to. And Claude always kept quiet about other’s matters. He knew everyone’s secrets, but he never told any.

“That’s… weird. I will investigate that.” He placed his hand on his chin and his expression turned meditative. “He seems interested in you now, tough.”

“What do you mean?”, you couldn’t believe him. But something told you that it must be true if it was Claude who noticed it.

“He’s been looking at you for 40 minutes.”

You turned around and, in effect, Sylvain was looking at you. This time, it was him who moved away his gaze, a bit embarrassed to have been caught.

“So, from what I’ve seen,” Claude started to sum up, “you are trying to ignore him – don’t deny it, I’ve seen you stealing glances – because he had rejected you all high school. But now he’s flirty and charming, so you are on square one.”

“Yes, you could say so.” You were ashamed, but eager to see where he was going.

“There’s only one solution.” He moved his head closer to you, as if it was a conspiration.

“What is it?” He decidedly had captured you then, and you moved your head closer to hear him better.

“Play it along. See what happens. Don’t implicate yourself too much, but find out what changed.”

Right before you could answer, Lysithea shushed you. The professor was beginning to announce the pairs. As expected, most of your friends ended up with an unknown partner. Marianne was lucky and was set to work with Mercedes, one of the sweetest girls you knew. Bernadetta, who you hadn’t noticed until that moment, was paired with a girl called Monica, who seemed eerily familiar. Your name hadn’t been said, and neither did Sylvain’s, much to Claude’s delight.

After a long list of surnames, you didn’t recognise, it was your turn. While your name left your professors lips, your eyes widened. You raised your hand so Byleth could identify you with the name.

“Okay. There. Your partner will be…”, he was scanning the remaining names, for the list was almost finished. “Sylvain Jose Gautier.”

“Fate has decided for you”, Claude commented. You looked at Sylvain, and he had the audacity to smirk and wink at you. Outrageous.

You were then sure of it. Sothis was laughing at you. How were you supposed to survive this year?

#sylvain x reader #sylvain jose gautier x reader #Fire Emblem Three Houses #fire emblem three houses fanfiction #female reader #sylvain jose gautier #fanfiction #I have a huge crush on Sylvain #my fic #college au

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misscrawfords · 5 years

Note

Rose! How do you feel about Emma and its various adaptations?

Sorry for the delay in answering - blame the school trip!

I love Emma. I wrote my dissertation partly on it (also on Northanger Abbey, Rob Roy and St Ronan’s Well) and while I loved it before I loved it even more after studying it. All of Austen’s novels are extremely well plotted, but Emma might just be the best. It’s like a detective novel in that respect (and has been described as such on multiple occasions) because you can pick up on clues to what’s really going on all the way through but on a first read, you don’t see them. Miss Bates unintentionally reveals details that can be explained by Frank and Jane’s secret relationship but they are hidden in her verbal overloading. Emma’s own thoughts betray her unknown interest in Mr. Knightley, and his actions point to his love for Emma. And so on.

Jane Austen is also being radical in her use of literary conventions and genre in Emma (as she is in basically all her novels). She has the tightest mystery plot ever written at this point hidden directly inside a novel that sticks strictly to the conventions of romantic comedy. She even goes overboard with it - successfully navigating three couples to appropriate happy endings. However, within that solid structure, she plays with expectations and conventions in a subtle way and this is where I get really excited.

First we have Emma herself, a heroine “nobody but myself will like”. Austen clearly loved questioning and pushing conventions of who was allowed to be a heroine. Her previous novel, Mansfield Park, gave us Fanny who most people at the time found disappointing after Elizabeth Bennet and modern readers (unjustly IMO) hate, and she followed Emma with Anne Elliot who was far too old to be a romantic heroine according to contemporary standards. In the middle we have Emma Woodhouse, a meddling snob. She’s got a lot in common with Mr. Darcy actually and her character development in terms of recognising the bad behaviour she is guilty of and the prejudice she feels towards those of a lower social status is pretty similar. But while Darcy and his character development is held up as beautiful and heroic and romantic, Emma is frequently condemned as dislikable. I do wonder why that could be… Personally, I love Emma. She’s clever and shrewd and funny and, honestly, is there anyone who doesn’t think Miss Bates is annoying and doesn’t want to throw a tantrum at the prospect of being upstaged by Mrs. Elton? Are you, dear reader, such a paragon of rational enlightenment and charitable feeling? Would you instantly see through Frank Churchill and resist his flirtations? Would you be best friends with Jane Fairfax and not be just a little bit jealous of her and how much Mr. Knightley everyone seems to admire her? Have you never said something cutting and regretted it? Are you perfect, reader, ARE YOU? Come on. Emma is one of us. She messes up, she judges badly, she says cringeworthy stuff in inappropriate situations, she gives bad advice - she’s human. And she deals with it without losing her positive outlook and she does grow, enough to “deserve” her happy ending (though that’s a loaded concept) but not so much it’s unrealistic. And what makes her likeable through it all are that her intentions are good. Emma is not a bad person who has to become good and “be redeemed”. She is a fundamentally warm and caring person who needs to have some bad habits of thought and action corrected by guidance and experience. Emma’s intentions and understanding are good from the beginning.

Emma’s also interesting because, yes, she does change, but if you put her in the context of the genre she inhabits, she also gets to keep a lot. Basically, in another novel, Emma would have to pay significant penance for her bad behaviour before she would be allowed to marry Mr. Knightley and she would have to prove that she is a changed woman and is absolutely not going to continue meddling and will be a good and submissive wife. Usually this also involves giving up the dangerous reading of novels which have led her astray. Several points. Firstly, Emma is not a novel reader, she is a novel writer. Emma is described by various critics as “an avatar of Austen the author” and if you read the novel through the prism of Emma being an author, things become really fascinating. Beautiful, illegitimate Harriet Smith is the heroine of Emma’s novel and obviously Emma-as-author wants to discover that she is really the long lost daughter of Somebody and give her a socially advantageous marriage. Emma’s matchmaking attempts are the workings of a novelist plotting with characters. Emma is creating her own world. This is radical stuff, in a society where female novelists were looked down upon. Emma has the means and independence and cleverness to write a story of her own - and she is comically bad at it. This is one way in which Austen plays with genre. Secondly, it is not at all clear that Emma does give up her matchmaking at the end of the novel. Austen is coy when she floats this suggestion about Mrs. Weston’s daughter: “[Emma] would not acknowledge that it was with any view of making a match for her, hereafter, with either of Isabella’s sons”. Does this suggest that maybe Emma isn’t as cured as she should be? Thanks to Austen’s levels of irony it’s impossible to tell, which is the point. Thirdly, Emma is the only Austen heroine to have real financial and social clout. Emma really does rule Highbury and at the end of the novel, instead of being subsumed into her husband’s world, he in fact moves in with her (however temporarily). This is practically the Regency equivalent of her keeping her name after marriage. She and Mr. Knightley are social equals and she does not leave her home or her sphere of influence when she marries. The only other heroine this would be true of is, interestingly enough, Fanny Price. But Mansfield Park is notoriously inward looking and Fanny’s ending allows her to truly become a Bertram which is what she wanted all along for better or worse. And Fanny and Edmund’s social status and influence are much less significant that Knightley and Emma’s are.

Something else to bear in mind when thinking about Emma’s character is that, despite her social power and wealth, she also lives an extremely confined and limited life. She is essentially a carer for her stultifying and claustrophobic father. She has never left the environs of Highbury. She is surrounded by people who jump to her every command and shower her in praise, both deserved and undeserved. The only person who criticises her is also in love with her. The only eligible men in her world before the arrival of Frank Churchill are her brother-in-law who is 16 years older than her, and the obsequious vicar. Yes, she can remain a spinster but even a rich spinster cannot maintain the sort of power she currently holds when faced with a married woman like Mrs. Elton (who is a real threat to her), but her alternatives are bleak. A woman of her rank and fortune should be having a London season and meeting other young people of her rank and forming external connections. Because of her father’s passive control over her, Emma has none of these opportunities. Even Fanny Price travels more and meets more people than Emma does. Yes, Emma Woodhouse is handsome, rich and clever and has had very little to vex her, but I suspect that is probably Emma’s own view of her life and it is not necessarily accurate.

Okay, this post is already far too long so I’ll end my discussion of the novel here. There’s also a lot that could be said about Jane and Frank, Emma and Mr. Knightley’s relationship and more, but Emma is clearly the most important and, honestly, the most in need of defence!

Onto the adaptations, and I’ll try to be brief:

1. The Gwyneth Paltrow film. Jeremy Northan is divine though his hair could be better and he’s not my favourite Mr. Knightley, even if I do have a massive crush on JN. Harriet Smith is a not particularly attractive redhead which is… weird. Frank Churchill is Ewan McGregor but he has appalling hair so IDK what was going on there - such a missed opportunity. Gwyneth Paltrow as Emma is a casting disgrace and I honestly can’t bear to watch this film because every time she is on screen I cringe. The producers were more interested in the aesthetic than making a good adaptation. My grandma hated it. Enough said.

2. The Kate Beckinsale film. Honestly, I don’t dislike anything about this except that I wish it were a mini-series and the proposal scene is a bit… eh. But I think it manages to stay true to the book in a feature film and I love Kate Beckinsale’s Emma. She has the right mix of liveliness and arrogance for me. Mark Strong is a stern Mr. Knightley but he’s not too handsome. Frank Churchill is perfect in this adaptation. Controversially, this is my favourite period adaptation.

3. The Romola Garai miniseries. I love lots about this mainly because the length allows everything to be expanded suitably. Johnny Lee Miller is the best Knightley by far. The Eltons are fabulous. Frank and Jane’s relationship gets more time dedicated to it. The Westons and Bateses are great. Harriet Smith is dumbed down too much - she’s naive and not too bright but this adaptation makes her practically an idiot, almost as much a disservice as the 2005 P&P film’s character assassination of Bingley, though physically the actress is perfect and she’s very likeable. And I really do appreciate what they were trying to do with Emma. It was clearly an informed choice to make her bubbly and often silly and a chosen interpretation of the text and I respect that - better that than wilful misinterpretation which some adaptations go in for. I fundamentally disagree with it - whatever her faults, I don’t think Emma is silly and giggly and I struggle to believe this Emma is a 21 year old woman secure in her position as a social leader. Her mannerisms often come across very modern - her little waves, giggles and posture and this is very irritating because Romola Garai has done some fantastic period acting (Daniel Deronda, The Hour etc.) and these mannerisms aren’t consistent across the cast. I love Romola Garai and I think it’s an interesting choice of direction, but not one that rings true to how I see the character though.

4. Clueless. Clearly the best adaptation of Emma ever made. We all know it.

5. Emma Approved. Only seen a bit of it and didn’t warm to it. Should probably give it another go. Why did they change Knightley’s name to Alex? What the hell is wrong with George!?!?

Anyway, here are my thoughts on Emma. Hope they’re at least somewhat interesting. There is nothing I like better than rambling on about Jane Austen! :-) Thank you for giving me the opportunity!

#Emma #Jane Austen #Emma Woodhouse #literature #books

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belphegor1982 · 5 years

Text

Thought I’d make a the Mummy/Returns fic recs posts for @counterwiddershins (EDIT: whom I can tag now!) because they asked for recs. So here are my favourite (complete) Mummy stories under the cut in alphabetical order, title-summary-why it’s on my list style. A few are Old, because I discovered this fandom in 2003 and there’s some great oldies. Hope you - and anyone else looking for great fics - enjoy them!

As Sweet as This / Coming Clean, by robot-iconography

Summary: Evelyn reflects on the changes Ahm Shere has wrought upon her brother, husband, and son. / Rick takes his life in his hands as he faces his greatest challenge ever: fatherhood.

Comments: I put these two in the same bag because they’re basically a diptych. They’re like two sides of the same coin. On one hand, you have a lovely story in Evy’s voice, on the other, a hilarious one in Rick’s. Both stories are sweet and more touching than they sound.

Circumstantial Evidence, by robot-iconography

Summary: “She could be damnably silly at times; she dressed like a spinster and carried herself like bloody royalty; but she was my baby sister, the only one I’d ever have. I’d been through hell to get her back, and now I was going to lose her anyway.”

Comments: Probably my favourite Mummy story ever. I love it so much I translated it into French in 2004, and even more so now I’ve read PG Wodehouse. Basically, there is canoodling, funny misunderstandings, and the closing scene is adorable (and made me discover Ella Fitzgerald’s “Always”, which is perfect as Ella Fitzgerald always is). Peak Carnahan siblings shenanigans and a great Rick.

Deeper Within Darkness, by Laurie M

Summary: It is a truth universally acknowledged that wherever Rick O'Connell and Evelyn Carnahan are, trouble is not far away. What begins as an innocent night out soon leads to danger that threatens all of Egypt.

Comments: a great follow-up on the 1st film, with still-developing relationships, a mysterious medallion, and ghostly (sort of) crocodiles. The main four are very well written. 3rd person limited POVs alternate with 1st person POVs in a very natural way, allowing us glimpses into the characters’ heads. Sometimes a little bit sombre, but a lovely story.

A Favour for a Friend, by queueingtrilobite [orphan account]

Summary: Roped into doing a favour for a friend, Jonathan finds himself in charge of an antiques shop in Cairo. This is honestly the very last favour he's going to do for anyone. Ever.

If you ship Ardeth and Jonathan, there’s plenty of fun and/or feelsy stories for you! Like this fun little romp, which features a hilarious style, a Jonathan who is equally good at thinking on his toes as he is as making disasters happen (being a bit of a disaster himself).

Finding Ma’at, by exchequered [orphan account]

Summary: “Hamunaptra Cruises.” Ardeth’s tone was thoughtful. “Do you not fear a curse upon your enterprise, for naming it thus?”

Another Ardeth/Jonathan fic - and boy, this one is *chef’s kiss* I mean, the only three tags are Tourism, Pining, and denial is a river in Egypt :D

Hereafter, by Marxbros

Summary: After TMR. Imhotep has raised Ancksunamun and conquered the earth. Rick, Evy, Ardeth, Jonathan, and some new characters must find each other to defeat Imhotep once more.

Comments: ooh, this one’s a monster to tackle (134k words), and it gets pretty epic - and is worth every second of reading. The OCs are great, necessary, and everyone gets their chance to shine.

Never Spellbound by a Starry Sky, by robot-iconography

Summary: Strange goings-on mar Rick and Evelyn's wedding preparations. Can they and Jonathan solve the mystery?

Comments: another follow-up on TM, as Evy and Rick navigate their relationship and how much they should wait before any sort of hanky-panky. Life interferes in the form of a mysterious object (though NOT the obvious one) and the three are thrust into adventure again. There are battles with the mosquito netting, someone getting a few stitches on their arse (again, not the obvious choice), and all the chapter titles come from dialogue from Elizabeth Peters’ Crocodile on the Sandbank. It’s often hilarious and the dialogue is to die for.

The Mummy: Curse of the Seven Scorpions, by Jac Danvers

Summary: Libby O’Connell hasn’t heard from her brother in years. The word ‘mummy’ meant nothing to her. But when a tiny gold scorpion is revealed to have much greater value, she is thrust back into her family’s life, and the life of a man she once hated.

Comments: back in the day, the “Rick’s sister tags along and falls in love with [usually Ardeth]” trope was a staple of Mummy fanfic, and one I didn’t have much interest in. This little story, mostly set after TMR, is a fun romp; Libby is a good character, well handled, and the little developing romance with Jonathan is fun to watch.

Sidekick, by madsthenerdy girl (on FFnet here)

Summary: Jonathan honestly tries to be a big brother. No, really.

Comments: Fantastic portrait of Jonathan through the years, warts and all, and his relationship with Evy (and later Alex). It’s heartfelt, often funny, and honest (sometimes painfully).

Take That, Bembridge Scholars!, by seren-ccd

Summary: The world has been saved and there's really only one thing left to do. Evy writes a strongly worded letter to the Bembridge Scholars. Oh, she gets married, too.

It’s a great look at Evelyn, Rick and Jonathan in a few scenes, from the night after Hamunaptra to the start of Rick’s and Evy’s life as a married couple, interspersed by extracts from the aforementioned strongly-worded letter (and it’s great).

The Tenth Plague, by Khedi (on FFnet here)

Summary: Did anyone while watching The Mummy wonder about what would have happened if the tenth of the Biblical plagues had come to pass?

Not a death fic (well, not quite) but a great little look at (again, I’m nothing if not predictable) the Carnahan siblings just after they get back to Cairo after The Mummy. It’s a punch in the feels and a hug. I love it.

Travelers by Night, by 20thcenturyvole

Summary: Very quickly, Jonathan weighed the odds. On one hand, potential death, whether by armed bandits, a mummy’s curse, or people who looked like bandits and who were very angry about someone unleashing a mummy’s curse. On the other hand, potential riches, home ground, and topics of conversation other than what happened at school fifteen years ago and who got it in the neck where.

A great look at Jonathan post-first film and a great take on Ardeth, too. Can be shippy if you tilt your head and squint, or not. Your call.

We Three Together series, by Tinydooms

Basically a series that can act as a novelisation for The Mummy, mostly “missing scenes” and character studies. A joy to read if you like Evy, Rick, and Jonathan.

The Witches’ Library, by jones2000 (on FFnet here)

Summary: He would like to state emphatically for the record that none of this was his fault, thank you very much. It was all entirely coincidental. He should know by now that these things have a tendency to snowball. Or, Jonathan doesn't need the O’Connells to find trouble.

Comments: I read this last year and it immediately made my shortlist of favourites, on top of hitting me in the heart and over the head with the subtlety of a freight train. I even made a rec post about it. The writing is so sharp it might as well be written with a bloody scalpel, the OCs are fascinating, and Jonathan is somewhat jaded but still wonderfully entertaining. It’s the only post-WW2 Mummy story I’ve ever loved (read?), and certainly the only one that incorporates Tomb of the Dragon Emperor elements I’ve ever loved. Give it plenty of reviews, it deserves them.

Edited to add a few and make it more dash-friendly :o)

Also, I wrote a few things if you’re interested:

After the Sunset: What’s left to do, after saving the world and riding triumphantly into the setting sun? A lot, as it turns out. Our Heroes ride camels, negotiate the shift from acquaintances and allies to something like a family, and encounter a couple of surprises good and bad on the way back from Hamunaptra. (Or, the one where Evelyn and Rick discover the contents of their saddlebag, Jonathan finds out that whiskey doesn’t quite cut it when a scarab has burrowed its way into your hand and arm and out your shoulder, and Ardeth gives his name and saves the day. Well, night.)

Long one-shot set just after “the end” of The Mummy.

Fairy Tales and Hokum: 1937: Two years after the events of Ahm Shere, the O’Connells are “required” by the British Government to bring the Diamond taken there from Egypt to England. In Cairo, while Evelyn deals with the negotiations and Rick waits for doom to strike again, Jonathan bumps into an old friend of his from university, Tom Ferguson. Things start to go awry when the Diamond is stolen from the Museum and old loyalties are tested...

This one is looong. It’s 160k+ words. (also took me 16 years to finish but shhh)

Carnahan-O’Connells musings and snapshots: Headcanons and one-shots about the disaster family.

Like it says on the tin - mostly headcanons with a few actual stories with dialogue.

I know, there’s not a lot of them, but they’re my very favourites. If you have other recs, feel free to add them!

#fic recs #the mummy films

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beccaland · 6 years

Text

Beccaland reads and responds to an article about Doctor Who that she really should have known better than to have read in the first place

You know how you KNOW you should never read the comments sections, but sometimes you just can’t help yourself? That’s usually how I feel about reading articles about Doctor Who during the past few years, except from a handful of trusted sources. Yet there I was this morning, checking my regular email from Tor.com, and out of a slightly-morbid curiosity, I found myself reading “How It Feels to Want to Watch Doctor Who Again” by Alex Brown.

Partly, I really am interested in the fans who are getting interested in Doctor Who again. They left for a lot of reasons, and really you can’t begrudge anyone’s waning interest in a TV show. And it would be far, far more silly to begrudge them regaining interest! I’m excited for the awesome changes that are coming on October 7th, too. And I am fully aware that not every era is every fan’s cup of tea. On the other hand, I also know that I’m frequently irritated by the shallow criticism levelled in order to “justify” some fans’ disaffection. So there I was. Reading an article I knew very well was probably going to annoy me, like a masochist.

And just because I feel like it, I’m going to quote a bunch of it and offer my own commentary. I’m going to be as fair as I can, noting where I think a given critique is valid, where I think it’s valid but still disagree, and where I think it’s the same old tired, inaccurate nonsense.

Here we go:

“I miss Doctor Who.”

ME TOO!

“There was a time when I watched it fervently, reverently, passionately. It was something I put on when I was stressed or overwhelmed or needed to be reminded of the good things in life. The relationship wasn’t perfect, but it was powerful and affirming.”

Yeah, I do that too, but I never really stopped.

“Until suddenly it wasn’t.”

I mean, sure. Doctor Who did something on a purely personal and emotional level for the author, and then it stopped. That’s totally fair.

This actually happened to me with the novels in the ‘90s–they just weren’t doing enough for me imaginatively or emotionally anymore to justify the challenge of finding them and the expense of buying them. It happens. (I still wanted Doctor Who in my life though, so I rewatched my VHS tapes instead, until they had degraded in quality to the point where that wasn’t very fun either.)

“The show twisted into something unrecognizable and unpleasant. And so I abandoned Doctor Who just as it had abandoned me.”

The really negatively loaded language here bugs me a lot, but this article is a personal fan narrative more than it is a review, and it’s impossible to refute a subjective response. Clearly, it’s true that Alex Brown and the show were no longer on the same wavelength. So, fair enough.

“If you asked me in 2016 if I would ever watch Doctor Who again, I probably would’ve shaken my head and sighed. The chances of the show making the kind of changes necessary to pull me back seemed slim to none. But here we are, fall 2018, and I am so excited about the Season 11 premiere that I can barely stand it.”

I’m really happy about everyone coming back. I share this excitement!

[I’m omitting a couple of paragraphs here where Brown describes more of what Doctor Who meant to her when she first encountered the show during an obviously extremely difficult time in her life. It’s really moving, and I find it relatable in some ways.]

“With the takeover by Steven Moffat in 2010, my relationship with the Doctor shifted dramatically. As much as I loved Doctor Who, I wasn’t blinkered to its myriad problems.”

See, my issue with this is simply that it implies that people like me ARE “blinkered by its myriad problems.” We’re not. But sometimes we disagree about what those problems are, or where the blame (and praise) for those problems (and their amelioration) properly lies. Hence this post.

“Trouble was, the annoying but tolerable issues were magnified into something unbearable by Moffat’s numerous faults as showrunner. Under Moffat, seasons went from episodic romps loosely knitted together by repeating themes—think “Bad Wolf” Easter eggs throughout the first season—to Lost-style mystery box seasons bogged down in an increasingly convoluted and grimdark mythology.”

I think it’s fair to say that the series 6 arc in particular was much heavier than previously attempted by the show, and this was a turnoff for some viewers. Personally, I liked it a lot conceptually, but I acknowledge that it could have been better executed. It’s also not representative of Moffat’s whole era; he experimented a lot with structure. That in itself was probably frustrating to some viewers–again, I liked it a lot, but that’s neither here nor there.

However, calling the Moffat era “grimdark” is frankly bizarre. It seems to confuse a shift in LIGHTING with a shift in TONE. The Moffat era’s TONE was, if anything, substantially more hopepunk than the RTD era (to say nothing of Torchwood, which Brown also professes to adore).

“River Song, Cybermen, Daleks, and the Master work best when used sparingly,”

Yeah, I agree.

“but Moffat dragged them out of the toy box so often that they lost their appeal.”

A criticism that (aside from River, for whom YMMV) applies equally to the RTD era.

“Even the Doctor suffered from too much focus. Doctor Who is a show that flourishes when it cares more about the people the Doctor helps than the Doctor. The Doctor is much more interesting as a character who drops into other people’s stories than when everyone else exists only to serve the Doctor’s narrative.”

This is a matter of taste, and on that level cannot be refuted.

But I’m not actually sure it’s true that the stories in the Moffat era focused more on the Doctor than was the case in previous eras. It didn’t seem that way to me. I suppose one could develop some way of objectively evaluating the validity of that premise, but I’m not going to go to that much trouble.

“Worse, women went from equals with their own vibrant lives to codependent followers.”

This is not merely a matter of personal taste. It is an assertion about content of the sort which could hypothetically be supported by evidence. If it were true. And it is literally the opposite of true. It’s a gross mischaracterization of the Moffat era companions, and moreover ignores the sometimes-problematic characterizations of the RTD era companions. I’m skipping the rest of that paragraph, which merely rehashes worn-out, shallow readings of Amy and Clara’s characters. I have nothing to say about those arguments that I haven’t said elsewhere before.

“[Moffat’s] seeming disdain for how fans interpreted the series,”

Showrunners SHOULD disdain how fans interpret their work. Or, more accurately, they should ignore it. Since fans are a motley bunch, the alternative would be a total lack of creative vision, either deeply bland or utterly fractured.

“for critiques of his own biases and bigotries,”

In reality, Steven Moffat demonstrated a remarkable openness to critiques of his biases and made steady progress in addressing them both in front of the camera and behind the scenes.

“and for the depth the show was capable of became a virus that infected everything.”

From where I sit, Doctor Who demonstrated far more depth during the Moffat era than during the RTD era (and some of the deepest scripts in RTD’s era were written by Moffat and according to RTD, barely touched by his editorial influence). I’m willing to consider the possibility that the RTD era displayed depths that I failed to perceive, but given the number of times I’ve rewatched it and the fact that I study texts for a living, I have to say I think that’s a long shot. I would welcome a persuasive analysis of the depths of the RTD era.

“I have never been one to shy away from dropping shows that I no longer like, but I held onto Doctor Who longer than I should have. I finally tapped out after the frustrating penultimate episode of Season 6, “The Wedding of River Song.” Reductive, repetitive, and boring, the episode encapsulated everything I couldn’t stand about Moffat’s storytelling.”

OK, Brown has got a point there. I love TWORS for purely personal reasons (it was just FUN, in the same way that the more crazy-ambitious failures often are in Doctor Who), but I’m under no illusions about its quality. In addition to being “reductive [and] repetitive” that episode was also rushed and full of holes. I didn’t find it boring, but that’s a subjective thing.

It’s a bit weird though that Brown claims to have quit watching Doctor Who at the end of series 6, since earlier she critiqued both Clara and Moffat’s “over"use of Missy, both of whom post-date Brown’s purported exit. Hmm. Seems like (as is not uncommon, in my experience) people who dislike Moffat base a lot of their dislike on mere hearsay.

"Although Moffat drove me away from Doctor Who, other factors kept me from coming back. A not insignificant chunk of my exhaustion came from the frustratingly limited diversity and the frequently poor treatment of characters of color—see Martha and Bill, plus the weirdness around the few major interracial relationships.”

OK, this is approximately half fair. There WAS a frustrating lack of diversity which continued well into Moffat’s era. Martha and her weird marriage to Mickey are RTD’s doing entirely. And the author claims not to have ever seen series 10, so she’s hardly in a place to evaluate Bill’s treatment (which, for the record, seemed pretty great to me–vastly better than in any previous era, anyway, though there’s no doubt that there is still room for improvement).

“Prior to Season 11 there had never been an Asian or South Asian companion despite the fact that people of South Asian ancestry make up nearly 7% of the population of England and Wales, according to the most recent census. Islam is the second largest religion in the UK, yet Muslims are also largely absent from the show, and certainly from the role of companion.”

This is a totally fair criticism.

“Moffat said it was hard to cast diversely without impinging on historical accuracy,”

Gonna want a citation for that one; I admit it’s possible he said something like that at some point but I feel like I would remember if he had.

“a notion that is patently false and wholly ignorant of actual history.”

A point which Sarah Dollard makes in the series 10 episode “Thin Ice,” with the enthusiastic approval of Moffat himself.

“To be fair, Moffat also admitted this claim was nonsense and rooted in a white-centric view of history and acknowledged that the show needed to do better…then made absolutely no changes.”

Thanks for being fair…almost. In fact he made substantial changes during his tenure, though most happened after Alex Brown quit paying attention. Seems to me that if you’re going to write an article for a blog affiliated with a major SF publisher, you might actually want to check your facts rather than relying on information that’s several years out of date (if it was ever true).

“And don’t even get me started on frequent Moffat collaborator and Who writer Mark Gatiss who infamously whined about diversity initiatives ruining historical accuracy because they cast a Black man as a soldier on an episode about Queen Victoria’s army battling Ice Warriors on Mars.”

Yeah, this I do remember. Ew, Gatiss! What were you thinking?

“Not to mention Moffat’s asinine declarations that we couldn’t have a woman Doctor becausehe 'didn’t feel enough people wanted it’ and 'This isn’t a show exclusively for progressive liberals; this is also for people who voted Brexit.’”

This is also the man who wrote the first-ever gender-changing regeneration (of the Doctor, no less!) in his comedy special, “The Curse of the Fatal Death,” the first female incarnation of a previously male Time Lord (Missy, who turned out to be incredibly popular), and the first official, non-comedy, on-screen gender-changing regeneration scene (the General, in Hell Bent), thus paving the way for even many of those non-liberal, Brexit-voting audiences to accept a female Doctor, and making it virtually impossible for the BBC not to do it without looking like total assholes (though by that point they were totally on board and needed to further persuasion).

But sure, go ahead and cherry-pick a couple of real-but-not-representative Moffat quotes to perpetuate your misogynistic Moffat pseudo-narrative.

[Cutting the rest of that paragraph because it adds nothing to the critique]

“Why can’t we have a trans or disabled companion? Why can’t the Doctor be a queer woman of color?”

These are totally legitimate questions, and we should keep asking them.

“Do you know what it’s like to be told by someone in a position of power that you don’t belong here? That you are an aberration, a glitch in the matrix, that including you would be so inaccurate that it would collapse the narrative structure of a fictional television show that features a frakking alien traveling through time in a police box?”

Yes. I do.

And when you dismissed Amy and Clara as mere sexist stereotypes, mere codependent hangers-on of the Doctor, you re-inflict that wound on me and many other fans, because you’ve been granted a position of power, a platform in the blog of a major international SF publisher.

“Hearing that message all the time from pop culture is hard enough, but to get it from my favorite show was heartbreaking.”

I feel ya, Alex Brown. This needs to continue to be addressed.

But I’ll also remind readers that the Moffat era, despite its still-too-limited representation, gave us more disability representation than any other era of the show up to that point.

“Cut to the Jodie Whittaker announcement in July, 2017. For the first time in years, I watched the Christmas special—live, no less. To give credit where credit is due, Moffat’s swan song exceeded my (very low) expectations and Peter Capaldi was as excellent as I hoped he’d be. Whittaker had almost no screen time, but what she did get left me with a smile a mile wide.

"On top of her pitch-perfect casting, Thirteen will also be joined by three new companions, one a Black man and another a woman of Indian descent. Plus, the Season 11 writers’ room has added a Black woman, white woman, and a man of Indian descent. Several women will also be directing. New showrunner Chris Chibnall proclaimed that the renovated show will tell 'stories that resonate with the world we’re living in now,’ and will 'be the most accessible, inclusive, diverse season’ ever produced.

"These changes go beyond tokenism and into real diversity work. The show isn’t just sticking a woman in the titular role and patting themselves on the back. Diversity can’t just be about quotas. It must be about inclusion and representation in front of and behind the camera. Marginalized people need to be able to tell our own stories and speak directly to our communities. The majority already gets to do that, and now that conversation needs to happen across the board. The show still has a lot of work to do, both in terms of undoing the status quo of harmful tropes and in laying strong groundwork for later casts and crews. Yet, somewhat surprisingly, I feel hopeful for the show’s future.”

I totally agree with these three paragraphs (except I had high expectations of TUAT, which were also exceeded). In fact these paragraphs are a big part of why I felt like this article was worth sharing. I just couldn’t do it without significant reservation.

“And isn’t hope what the show is really all about? Doctor Who is a story about the hope for a better tomorrow, faith in your companions, and trust that you’re doing the right thing. It’s about a hero using their immense powers responsibly and in order to benefit those who need it the most. The Doctor creates space for the marginalized to stand up and speak out, to fight for their rights against those who would silence or sideline them.”

I’m not totally sure that that’s ever really been true before, but it’s an ongoing aspiration that the show keeps moving closer to.

“For too long, that ideal was lost to puzzle boxes, bloated mythology, and trope-y characters”

No it wasn’t. See above.

“but with the appearance of each new Thirteenth Doctor trailer, my hope grows a little more.

"It’s not often that you find your way back to something you loved and lost. At first, Doctor Who was a touchstone during my trials and hardships. Then it became a cornerstone in the foundation of the new life I was building. For a long time I left it encased in a wall, hidden in the basement of my subconscious, untouched and unwanted. Yet here I stand, sledgehammer in hand, putting a hole in that wall. I have set free my love of Doctor Who as Jodie Whittaker cheers me on. October 7 can’t come soon enough.”

This sentiment is really lovely. Welcome back, Alex Brown, and every other fan returning to Doctor Who after an absence of any length and for any reason. It’s shaping up to be a great new era.

Please remember, though, when talking to other fans, that other eras meant as much to some of them as this one means to you, and for similar reasons.

To those who are leaving because of toxic discourse about previous eras making them feel like their presence isn’t welcome and/or participating in fandom right now will only cause them pain: I’m going to miss you. I hope your DVDs and Big Finish and stuff continue to bring you joy. I hope you’ll come back again when it’s safe to do so.

To those who are leaving because they don’t like the idea of a female Doctor and/or two POC companions: BYE BYE! To be honest, nobody will miss you, but nevertheless I hope that eventually you realize how silly and harmful your biases are. When you do, I hope you’ll come back to Doctor Who. And you’ll be welcome.

#doctor who #series 11 #thirteenth doctor #dw fandom discourse

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crimsonrevolt · 7 years

Photo

Congratulations Dani you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Sirius Black!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Sirius shares the spot for my favorite character in the series and your app captures him brilliantly, Dani. It’s hard to pick just one thing we loved but we especially appreciated how you talked about the nature vs nurture aspect of Sirius’ life and how he would have been a very different person had certain turning-points never happened. It’s easy to see how various influences have shaped him yet no one thing defines him. Sirius remains, as ever, his own person. It’s wonderful to have you back, Dani! *your faceclaim change to Miles McMillan has been approved.

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Surprise! It’s me, ya boi! Dani here and I’m 25 now. My preferred pronouns are she/her and I am from Michigan in the US, so EST timezone.

ACTIVITY

I’m going to low-ball and say like 5-6/10 ??? I’ve been working a lot lately, but things are calming down. So definitely at the very least I’ll have a few weeknights free, and then time on the weekends.

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

Old member here! Initially, though, it was through the marauder’s rp tag, I believe.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

Funnily enough, I’ve always hardcore connected with Sirius. Our personality types are very similar, and I’ve always been the ‘Padfoot’ in groups of friends. And growing older I’ve identified similarities between his upbringing and home life and my own, so yeah. But I also identified with Harry, Hermione, and Luna when I was younger. I don’t exactly remember why, but I did ? Maybe it was the outcast factor or whatever, but those are all tied for second after Sirius, I think.

ANYTHING ELSE?

I’ve missed you guys, ok.

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Sirius Orion Black III ——– He is named for the Dog Star, the most brilliant star in the sky, visible from anywhere on Earth - an actuality he embraces and carries with him from the moment he is able to understand its meaning. Ancient namings signify he is scorching, sparkling, bringing destruction and rebirth. He is important, and his name informs everyone of such.

But he is the point of Canis Major, a hunting dog, ever looking towards his master, Orion. Later, he would think it ironic that he was intended to obediently follow the hunter across the sky. When he was young, though, he did follow his father, his master, with wide eyes and a thirst to learn, to emulate. He did, after all, carry his father’s name as one of his own. He thought it only right that he be his hunter. He learned quickly enough to leave Orion Black be.

His name embraces the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black - a reality he despises when he is older. He is taught to believe that to be a Black, to be a Pureblood is to be royalty. He believes it.

He spends the majority of his childhood being trained to be the perfect Pureblood heir, to be the perfect Black. He attends many Pureblood-only balls and events, and is taught the proper way to mingle with other Purebloods. He learns manners and etiquette, and he is expected to be a proper child. There are never many other children at the balls, but he is reminded that it is improper to run about and make a fool of oneself like ordinary children; he is, after all, anything but ordinary.

How could he be? His name attests to his brilliance.

FACE CLAIM

Would Miles McMillan be okay?? He’s my ultimate #1 top fave Sirius face.

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER (tw: mania, depression, alcohol)

This is long, I’m so sorry but not really. But Sirius Black has been one of my favorite literary characters since I was in 3rd grade and first read Prisoner of Azkaban. There was just always something about him, and I don’t even know how to put into words how much I love Sirius Black. I remember the moment I fell in love with him, though, was when I was reading PoA and this man who had just spent the last twelve years wrongly imprisoned for an horrific crime he didn’t commit, and who had just spent the last year on the run with his godson thinking him responsible for betraying James and Lily, offers for Harry to leave the Dursley’s and move in with him. Even after everything he had been through, he was still willing to immediately take in Harry and take his place as his rightful guardian. It breaks my heart that they were never able to be a proper family, but that’s discourse for another time!

Sirius was really the first character I ever really roleplayed, and he’s been living and growing in my head for six or seven years now, as silly as that sounds. My Sirius muse is always active and talkative and ready for action, and I love being able to put him out there and develop him further and still learn new things about him even after all this time (reference, yus!). I’ve always just felt a real connection with him. Maybe it’s because I see parts of myself in him, or maybe it’s because it’s just always been really natural and easy for me to get into his head and way of thinking. He’s always been more than just a character to me.

His personality, for me, has developed a lot since the early days. I think it’s easy to get sucked into fanon interpretation early on, especially with characters that have a really strong fandom presence. But I’m really proud of the character he’s become, and I think he strays from a lot of typical fanon stereotypes. One of the biggest stereotypes - and one that really bothers me - is that Sirius is some kind of Don Juan-Lothario-playboy-heartbreaker-type.

“With another shock of excitement, Harry saw Sirius give James the thumbs-up….a girl sitting behind him was eyeing him hopefully, though he didn’t seem to have noticed.”

Sirius’ main concern has always been, and will always be, his friends. He cares far more for his Marauders and their pranks than he does for birds and sleeping around. He’s a flirt, yes, but only because he’s charming and needs to grace everyone with that charm. It’s harmless flirting, and it’s not his fault if anyone takes it as anything other than that.

I also love dabbling in the Black side of Sirius. While Sirius is a very good person, I think a lot of that is due to him being sorted in Gryffindor and befriending James Potter. Without his influence, I think Sirius would be a very different person. Not all of that is inherent, but Sirius definitely has a cruel, cunning streak in him (i.e. that time he almost killed Snape). A lot of it is in his nature, and some remains from his upbringing; our early years and development have a huge impact on the people we become. So, I think it’s interesting, especially in the state of the world as it currently is, to play with just what parts of Sirius’ personality become more dominant. Add to that Sirius being part of the Aversio, and I think it’s a really great combination of ruthless, cunning cruelty and the person the Marauders helped him become to create something new all together. I’d be really interested to see how that changes him and, maybe, influences a shift to the Sirius he could have been had he not met James and the Marauders.

In my headcanon, as well, Sirius is living with undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder. It won’t ever be diagnosed or named in-game since they’re living in 1979 (it’s still fairly misunderstood now), but it definitely affects him. I feel like his upswings are pretty intense, and it usually results in him wanting to be out all the time and doing things, and he feels infallible and invincible, and he’s a lot more likely to be reckless and make snap decisions. He definitely has a tendency towards dangerous ideas that he thinks are absolutely brilliant (see: the Prank with Snape). On the other end of it, though, Sirius’ lows are very low, and he self-medicates with alcohol when he ’s suffering from the worst of his depression (see: pretty much all of Order of the Phoenix). But I don’t think that Sirius recognizes the depression as such. It’s a lot easier for him to acknowledge when he’s feeling great and on top of the world as opposed to when he’s feeling like shit and struggles with getting out of bed in the morning. He’s a lot more likely to hide that side of himself, too, and play it off with a smirk and light-hearted joke at someone else’s expense.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS (tw: slurs, mentions of body dysphoria)

If someone were to ask Sirius his gender and sexuality, though, he would quirk a brow and scoff and let out a bark of laughter because, obviously, he’s got a cock and he’s not a queer, what sort of daft question is that? But his closest friends know that he enjoys the company of both men and women, although lately he’s sought out men more often than not.

Sirius doesn’t remember the exact moment when he realized that he was attracted to men. Maybe it was sometime in his third year, when he had accompanied James to watch the Quidditch team practice. Maybe he had caught himself staring at one of the seventh years - a boy with shaggy brown hair and a strong jaw - as he flew around the Pitch. Maybe he had felt the distinct swoop in his stomach as he had watched, and maybe he had imagined what it would be like to kiss the older boy.

But Sirius only really remembers being too afraid to say anything to James, Remus, and Peter, being afraid that it would change everything and they would think him a freak, a faggot they didn’t want to be friends with, anymore. James found out, though, and nothing changed between them, and soon after so did Remus and Peter. It became much easier after that to accept that part of himself. He doesn’t hide that amongst his friends or the Order; although the muggle world is less accepting of his sexuality, he doesn’t pay much attention to anyone who gives him shit. He flips them the bird and continues on his way.

What he would never admit to, however, is the many times he has passed frilly shop windows and imagined being able to wear whatever clothes he wants that he sees, or wished he could be as comfortable in his own skin as David Bowie, or Freddie Mercury. Sirius doesn’t always feel exactly right in the body he has, and he doesn’t understand it even a little bit. After all, it’s hard enough to deal with the war; he doesn’t want to even begin to focus on the whole gender bit.

The other thing he would never, ever admit to is the feelings he has harbored for Remus since they were realized in roughly fifth year. He remembers it was an ordinary moment; Remus had been working on an essay and nibbling on the end of his quill, and Sirius had been watching him, entirely too distracted, and it had just…hit him. But, of course, he wasn’t deserving of Remus. He would never be deserving of Remus. Sirius wrestled with the feelings for a good year or so, but he has long since accepted them without hope for it ever changing.

In modern terminology, he would identify as a gender-fluid demiromantic pansexual, but that’s too fancy and way ahead of his time, so all he knows is that he’s queer - just another way in which he would have disappointed his family.

As far as ships go, I’m def wolfstar trash. They were my first real ship and I love them to pieces. That being said, Sirius/Chemistry is my #1 jam. The only thing is that he isn’t always into serious relationships unless he’s good friends with the person first. In my headcanon, he’s never had a real, serious relationship (although every relationship is most certainly a Sirius one, lmao), but he doesn’t feel wanting, necessarily. Relationships aren’t exactly a priority right now when there are bigger things to worry about.

EXTRAS

&;;—— PERSONALITY TRAITS (tw: alcohol, mentioned violence/blood)

✓ Funny ——- “Did you like question ten, Moony?”

He is barking laughter and poorly timed jokes, puns upon puns - seriously. A grin as wide as the day is long, carefree and easy. Light in the black of war; white sheep in the Black family. His good humor has covered him and carried him through all that he’s seen. It’s as much a shield for himself as it is those with whom he surrounds himself.

✓ Loyal | Loving ——- “Died rather than betray your friends, as we would have done for you!”

He is fierce, heart full for those he holds dear. Not many are kept that close, but there is no hesitation when asked to give his life. Warmth and comfort, in the crook of his smile and the corners of his eyes. Brilliance and steadfast companionship: a dog is man’s best friend.

✓/✕ Strong-minded | Judgemental ——- “Besides, the world isn’t split into good people and Death Eaters. We’ve all got both light and dark inside us.”

He is a tree rooted to the earth, tall and proud. Unmoving and firm against the hailing storm. Beliefs, unwavering, unwilling to hear. Opposition is wrong, and he knows it as well as he knows the stories written in the night sky. He is strong-willed and stubborn; a brick wall would be more receptive. He thinks himself open-minded, but it is only another belief.

✕ Doesn’t think through consequences ——- “What is life without a little risk?”

He is snap decisions made in the heat of the moment. Turbulent and emotional, judgement shifts as easily as debris caught in the tide. Words, biting, leaving scars as easily as laughter erases them from his mind. Passing thoughts in an endless stream of chaos - why waste time paying mind to outcomes when you can just act?

✕ Hellacious attitude ——- “There are things worth dying for!”

He is 2 am, leather, and a mess of discarded liquor bottles scattered about the floor. Blood-kissed knuckles and knuckle-kissed jaw. Smirks and sighs toppling from carved lips. Caught in a tempest, winds whipping his hair about his face, unable to see, blindly stumbling along, deafening roars threaten to consume him - one foot in front of the other. Raw magic crackling in the air, electricity against your skin; a beautiful sight when it implodes.

&;;—— WAND: As badly as Sirius sometimes wishes his wand was made from Dogwood (think of the irony! the puns! the beauty of the universe!), he was chosen by a Cypress wood wand with a Dragon Heartstring core, 15 inches, rigid.

“Cypress wands are associated with nobility. The great medieval wandmaker, Geraint Ollivander, wrote that he was always honoured to match a cypress wand, for he knew he was meeting a witch or wizard who would die a heroic death. Fortunately, in these less blood-thirsty times, the possessors of cypress wands are rarely called upon to lay down their lives, though doubtless many of them would do so if required. Wands of cypress find their soul mates among the brave, the bold and the self-sacrificing: those who are unafraid to confront the shadows in their own and others’ natures.”

Sirius won’t think about the wandlore behind cypress wands and their masters dying a heroic death until the fleeting, infinite moment in which he begins to fall in the Department of Mysteries. He will think it ironic, then, that his death is hardly heroic at all; that, naturally, James and Lily had far more heroic deaths than him. (He will also think about finally, finally reuniting with them again, and he will think of how sorry he is for leaving Remus and Harry behind, but James, here I come.)

“As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.”

It is of interest to note that dragon wands tend to be easily swayed towards the Dark Arts. Sirius thinks it should be noted, and then he will tell it to fuck right off, thank you very much. He knows that, had things gone just a little differently, he wouldn’t have had any difficulty using Dark Magic; in fact, he’d have been rather adept at it. Sirius laughs at the notion - and would like to tell the Dark Lord that he can fuck right off, too.

Sirius is a very quick learner. He is intelligent and, when he puts his mind to a task, he is able to stay determined and focused. Magic runs strong in his veins, so it’s only natural he be paired with a wand that is able to keep up with him and his raw power. That being said, however, Sirius’ magic is - too often - unpredictable. It has been since he was a child, and he still experiences outbursts of unintentional magic when his emotions get the better of him; the dragon wand nurtures his accidental magic, at times.

&;;—— PATRONUS: It’s commonplace that a Patronus will match a witch or wizard’s Animagus form, if they happen to be such, and Sirius is no exception. His Patronus takes the form of a dog, matching that of his Animagus counterpart: a bear-like German Shepherd. German Shepherds are known for being intelligent, loyal, and fiercely over-protective. Any close friend of his would attest to the fact that Sirius exemplifies those qualities. He is a bright wizard, and he would do anything for those he cares about.

&;;—— The best thing that has ever happened: ”I know that you will make us proud, Sirius.”

No one ever expected Sirius to be a Gryffindor; he certainly hadn’t when he had stepped up to the stool to be sorted his first year at Hogwarts. His entire family had come from Slytherin. He even knew that, somewhere in his lineage, he was related to Salazar Slytherin himself. But as Sirius’ attention had drifted to the far table of green and silver, he had felt a tug in his stomach that he hadn’t really understood.

….“GRYFFINDOR!”

He ignored the shouts and jests coming from the Slytherin table to rightfully take his place amongst the lions of Hogwarts. He was joined, thankfully, by James and the redhead he had met with the greasy boy (he was grateful - and always would be - that the greasy one ended up in Slytherin).

It wasn’t before he was whisked away to his dorm and he got to know his fellow dormmates: one sickly-looking boy named Remus and a short, ordinary boy named Peter. Sirius thought he could do without Remus and Peter. Who needed them when he had James, his best friend? But Remus and Peter did prove themselves when they turned the greasy boy’s hair a bright shade of pink for a week. That, Sirius decided, was enough to earn his respect.

The four of them quickly became inseparable, and Sirius decided that being a Lion was worth the consequent Howlers he received, even if meant returning from the Christmas hols with bruises hidden beneath scratchy sweaters.

&;;—— And the worst:“Blood traitor! Filth! Scum!“

He tried not to cry out as his mother punished him one final time for being an insolent disgrace; he wouldn’t give her the pleasure. He was worse for the wear, however, when she finished with him and sent him off to think about his disobedience. Again. Sirius sat, on the edge of his bed, trembling; it was out of his control. He thought, but it didn’t take long for him to realize what he must do.

He needed to leave.

He hastily threw what belongings he could into his school trunk, gathering up anything he deemed important. He was able to perform a simple expansion and levitation charm - he decided he could deal with the Ministry later - and led his trunk out of his room. But he knew he needed to stop at his brother’s room before he left.

Sirius loved his brother and he has always loved his brother, but Regulus was not like him. He was weak-minded and bent to the wishes of their parents. Sirius always wanted to keep Regulus safe from them, from Mother, but he went to school and was sorted into Gryffindor and it changed. He became the disgrace, and it had been up to Regulus to be the perfect son. Sirius never wanted that for him, and he didn’t want that for him now. So he tried to bring Regulus with him. He wanted to ask, wanted him to leave and escape the hell they had grown up in.

But Regulus didn’t leave with him. He wasn’t like Sirius. He was an idiot, and he didn’t leave. So Sirius goes. But not before he watched as his mother blasted his name from the family tree.

(Sirius still regrets not making Regulus leave with him.)

&;;—— AESTHETICS here [x] and here [x]

&;;—— PLOT POINTS ~ I really want to explore the conflict that Sirius is facing between his loyalty to his friends and his allegiance to Aversio. He very, very strongly believes that the Order isn’t doing enough, but he knows that a lot of Aversio’s tactics and such clash with the Order. He knows that there are many friends and allies that would look down on his involvement in the group, and he loathes to disappoint them. But Sirius is firm in his convictions. He isn’t one to waver in his decisions, and he truly believes that Aversio is the action the world needs. Again, however, that contradicts his closest friends, and I want to explore how Sirius reacts in such a situation. I want to push his loyalty to the limits and see what he does when it really comes down to it.

~ On the same note, I would love to have some of his closer friends find out about his involvement in the rogue organization. I feel like I know Sirius fairly well, but I honestly don’t know how he would react in such a situation that calls to question where his loyalties truly lie. I think it would be an interesting bit of character development to really put the pressure on him like that.

~ Sirius has a dark side, whether he would like to admit to it or not. It’s part of who he is, so deeply ingrained in his being that he doesn’t recognize it in the slightest. But it’s there. War tends to bring out the worst in people, and I want it to do so to Sirius. I want to mess him up, to play with his mind and pit him against himself until he no longer knows what he is or where he stands. I want to dive into the more psychological aspects of the affect of the war, especially since this is full AU now. If he doesn’t end up getting messed up in Azkaban, I have to mess him up somehow =)

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it: “S’pose I’d make one that’d be able to track the greater London area,” Sirius answers with a smirk, wand twirling between slender fingers. He shifts, eyebrows flashing. “Y’know, something along the lines of magical cartography, but…big. Large scale. Easy spell, I’d imagine, if you could figure out the scale.” If they put their minds to it, Sirius is sure he, James, Remus, and Peter could come up with something. “Be able to locate anyone anywhere in all of London just by looking at a map. Imagine how bloody brilliant it’d be!”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you: “James, Remus, and Peter. Package deal, yeah?” He quirks a brow. “Probably bring James’ cloak - usually do. It’s a bloody miracle, that thing. Gotten us outta loads of trouble over the years.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make? Sirius grins, back straightening - pride rolling off square shoulders. “Well thought out ones. That’s what I’m told, anyhow. I’m better at the quick ones, the real difficult ones.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you? He hesitates, smile faltering - though he catches it, corrects it before it can be noticed (he hopes). “I dunno,” he says, gaze averted, a shoulder shrugging. A pause. A flash of an image behind his eyes - his friends, hollow-eyed, telling him that he’s a Black, through and through, just like them, can never escape it, terrible awful cruel heartless Black. “That I’m like them. Because I’m not. I’m so much better than they are.”

REACTION TO LAST EVENT DROP

One of Sirius’ biggest fears - a pardoned Orion - had been just on the horizon - a horrible truth born of the wavering fealty of the Ministry to the people it should serve. The Ministry had not proven useful in any form when it had come to dismantling the threat of the Death Eaters, nor action been its strong suit. So, it was with gusto that Sirius had volunteered to finally -finally - do something about the useless Ministry. It was with little regret, no mercy that Sirius would have raided the Ministry, striking down anyone in his way, fear and rage and a childhood that haunted his every memory of Orion Black fueling his actions. Until–

It was too late. The Death Eaters had taken the Ministry, and Sirius couldn’t help but blame his hatred for his father for blinding him to what had happened that night. So, he fled, with those closest to him, to a safe house far from London’s ground zero, shame and disgust at his own actions grasping hold of him, crippling any sense of logic that may have remained. Sirius fell back - too quiet, maybe, not as bright as he was supposed to shine.

Still, as they settled in Scotland, worked towards a new goal, a new plan of action, Sirius found himself not quite wavering from the ideals that drew him to Aversio; again, they were waiting, holding back while the Death Eaters took hold of London. Again, inaction, when there should be something, some retaliation to show that they were still there, still fighting, and wouldn’t Lord Voldemort win. But - nothing. And Sirius wondered how differently the war might be if Aversio had full control over the decisions, over the course of action.

WRITING SAMPLE

(this is from an old post on here, i hope that’s okay! i’m just hella fond of this one, tbh)

In his youth, when the sky had appeared infinitely brighter and the days seemingly endless, when everywhere could bring forth a new adventure with little to no warning, when the silken tendrils of optimism wound around his body, weaving between pale fingers, toes - gently cradling and protecting; then, Knockturn Alley had not frightened him. But he had been young, naive. He hadn’t known the manner of the witches and wizards who frequented the cobbled street and dark, slanted buildings. They had towered over him, then, and he had stared back, challenging whatever authority they wordlessly claimed. He had challenged the world.

But, as it so often is, childhood naivety gave way to harsh truths, and accompanying his father to Knockturn Alley no longer offered boundless adventure. Instead, he saw the buildings for what they were, the witches and wizards as the cruel people they had always been. He saw the shadowed sky, tucked away behind pointed rooftops, and just how unlike its neighbor, Diagon Alley, it was. The Alley was no place for decent witches or wizards, which was why he supposed the Blacks held such fondness for it.

Now, Sirius had no need to traverse the uneven, dismal avenue, and yet… here he was. Hands stuffed into pockets, fist firm around his wand, Sirius averted his eyes, silently cursing the bloody wanker who had volunteered him for this bloody “mission,” although he was loath to describe it as such. Inquire about such and such item at some shoddy shite-hole shop, speaking only to Git McWanker blah, blah, blah. It was a fucking waste of time, was what it was.

Yet, here he was, pointedly staring at books on a shelf in some corner of Knockturn Alley - many of which he recognized as titles from the walls of the Black family library. They dredge up images of the study and lessons and evenings spent pouring over texts he had no care for, all in the name of properly educating the heir, or some bollocks. He almost scoffed at the thought, adjusting his jacket as he eyed the shopkeeper. Feign interest, then approach him for information; it was a decent enough plan, but Sirius was stopped in his tracks by the woman that rounded the corner.

Eyes locked, drinking up the vision before him - something out of a dream, a nightmare - and he was suddenly eight beneath her gaze, frightened and angry and improper, insolent, yet again. Hands balled at his sides, shoulders tense, and he resisted the visceral pull to back away, run away, get away from her. Instead, his jaw set and he held her gaze - challenging her command over him, because she now had none.

“It’s comforting to know that some things never change,” he remarked brazenly, determination settling squarely atop his shoulders. “Seeing you here, I mean. Of all places. Picking up a new addition to the library, hmm? Perhaps a copy of Magick Moste Pure: Grimoire of Pureblood Fuckery? I hear that’s been selling quite nicely with your crowd.” He sneered, arms crossing over his chest - tight. “Oughta be careful who sees you walking around with that shite. Hear the Ministry’s got eyes and ears everywhere these days. You’d hate to be caught up in all that, now, wouldn’t you, Mother?” The word was spat, harsh and mocking; she was nothing to him now.

#Accepted App

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saferincages · 7 years

Photo

a couple of weeks ago, a friend showed me this amazing post (where the photos are far better than mine, which just didn’t want to turn out at all) of @the-far-bright-center‘s beautiful, sparkly Force Ghost Anakin, and it brought me such joy (I was maybe giggling excessively...), and today he arrived in the mail as a surprise gift! 💖

I want to take a moment to appreciate this bio, and the “weapon of choice” being loyalty and love, because it is. a lot.

this could be a very silly post (okay, it already is), but it actually gives me an opportunity to talk about something that I’ve never had a chance or reason to discuss before without some frame of context, so here is an unbelievably overemotional story (one of many regarding Star Wars’ history and special place in my life, I could write a series of these focused of specific themes and characters in all honesty) that no one really needs, but that I feel compelled to write anyway.

I’ve written before about my first experience seeing Revenge of the Sith (most recently here), so I apologize for retreading a certain amount of ground, but it’s important to know what the state of my life was at that time, which was a frightening, burned out shambles. ROTS premiered in May 2005, I believe I had just completed the physical therapy I’d been undergoing since the car accident we had that February. I was extraordinarily ill, and no one knew why (diagnoses were forthcoming), I was rapidly losing weight, and at the time, the scariest thing for me, was that I had no choice but to withdraw from school. Academia, which was such a constant for me, wasn’t even going to be on the horizon. I was, in short, not okay. I felt almost hollow in that uncertainty.

That midnight premiere was incredible, exciting, emotionally fraught, and I remember the weight and the sorrow of it hitting me in a very profound way when we got home, at which point I crawled into my bed and sobbed. I saw it several times that summer, but the final time (which is also a story a couple of my friends know, but I don’t think I’ve posted about it publicly?) was on my birthday that September. It is a crystalline memory. I can recall everything about that day, even what we ate (the cinnamon rolls my mom made for breakfast, the vanilla chai tea I had at Borders that afternoon), because it was the last birthday I had when certain things were not yet permanent, when I was still in the misty place between before and after. By then, the film had moved to our local little budget theatre, and seeing it that way, with a handful of other people rather than with a big, enthusiastic crowd, lent it an intimacy and poignancy which struck me on a wholly different level. (That was also the night Supernatural premiered, which is an aside, but don’t doubt for a moment that the events are inextricably emotionally connected for me.) September, and I should have been in school, but I wasn’t. I had no idea at that point that I never would be again, but I was frightened, and sad, and deeply angry. Anger isn’t a feeling I’d had a lot of experience with, I was a sweet, shy, overly sensitive, naive child (and teenager), but I didn’t often deal with anger, and then I usually sublimated anger with grief and guilt instead (and those things were warring in me, too, and of course I still carry them), but the anger at the unfairness of it all, at how cruel it was that this had happened to me, at how much I hated my own body for turning against me, how I irrationally hated myself for not being better or stronger or able to fight it, was consuming and yet almost childish, as though being ill was causing a perpetual temper tantrum in my mind.

My touchstone in the prequels was always Padmé, and she deserves her own post, but she was so inspiring to me, her compassion and her goodness and her belief in justice, her loving nature and her femininity and her tender heart being strengths, and never undermining her bright spirit, her keen mind, her ability to lead, her powers being her forgiveness and empathy and kindness. I love her so much and she had (and continues to have) such meaning for me.

It took me by surprise when the aching heart of my identification in ROTS plunged more towards Anakin. I loved him too, and I had a lot of varied, complicated feelings about him already, about his gentleness and his trauma, about the immensity of his capacities and his contrasts, but this was the fall, the dark hour of the story, the nadir of everyone’s suffering, and so much happens at his hand, because of his tragic choices. When I was reading the novelization, I didn’t know what to do with the fact that I understood certain aspects of his struggling in such a harrowing way, and seeing it playing out made that even more acute. Those choices he makes out of desperate fear aren’t rooted in evil, they’re driven by the chasm of grief and terror of loss, and they’re mixed with disillusionment and disappointment and frustration. Up until the moment when he walks into the Jedi Temple, when we really see him cross a line he cannot return from, hope for a course correction seems possible. Even knowing what’s coming, it’s like...just turn back. You can still fix this. It ripped my heart out because of course he wouldn’t, he couldn’t. There’s the scene where he’s denied the title of Master, and his outburst at the council (“this is outrageous! it’s unfair!”) is tinged with an adolescent level of upset, but...of course it is. He’s still so young and he wants to trust them, it’s not ambition causing that fury, it’s desperation for inclusion, for some measure of respect, and he keeps being refused. It’s a strange analogy because the things holding me back had nothing to do with a council of old men deciding my fate, all my hindrances were physically trapping me in my own body, the jury denying me the ability to move ahead was my own failing immune system, but I understood his rage, because I wanted someone I could yell at. The person I was so terrified of not being able to save, of having to watch die, wasn’t my beloved, it was...me, the girl I was, the girl I dreamed of becoming. I’ve talked so many times about feeling like I let her down, like I’m the ghost of her, the revenant walking around in a shape that vaguely resembles her, but at that point, she wasn’t gone yet, she was just rapidly slipping away. I didn’t know what to do to save myself. People would say it wasn’t my fault, to let it go (which felt a lot like being told the useless “mourn them do not, miss them do not”), that I was still here, I didn’t ask to get sick, and I knew, logically, that was true, but emotionally all I felt was that crushing guilt and despair (all of this remains a lingering struggle). I didn’t want to be powerless. I would have clung to something that offered me a way out. I knew where Anakin, conflicted and misguided as he was, was coming from, and it eroded everything that made him good and heroic and kind, so the only power I had left was to fight against it and keep the anger at bay.

This is such a specifically personal thing that I won’t get into the analysis of what happens in regards to his descent (which I also expounded upon in that other post anyway), but every time it happened, the same muscle memory seemed to take hold of me, my hands would shake and I’d press them together, my chest would pound, I’d bite my lip to try not to cry. I have this overwhelming fear of fire, so Mustafar was its own nightmare, and I’ve literally only watched the immolation scene once (that first time, at the midnight showing), otherwise I close my eyes tightly shut. I don’t even like seeing gifs of it. But because of what I was going through at the time, what I’ve gone through since, the physical aspects of him so painfully and horrifically losing himself, being so stripped of his humanity that hardly anyone ever looks at or acknowledges him as a person again (until Luke) held its own terror (it’s such an awful metaphor when it’s examined, and it’s that re-enslavement, he did not choose that reconstruction) because I didn’t understand what was happening to me physically, and because so many people were questioning the veracity of my pain and my incapacitating illness, were treating me as somehow less (ableism wasn’t even a word in my vocabulary yet, I just thought maybe everyone had a point and I didn’t deserve the space to be heard or understood, since so much of what I was going through was invisible). I genuinely felt like my personhood and my agency was being taken away. I didn’t have school, I was quickly isolated from everyone else and kept in the (comforting yet confining) cage of my room, I didn’t know who I was supposed to be anymore, and I didn’t know what to do if no one would listen or believe me (my mom aside). The torture Anakin is put through in that conversion to Darth Vader is unimaginable and I don’t want to dwell on it, but there’s a passage from the novelization that goes in part: “The first dawn of light in your universe brings pain. The light burns you. It will always burn you...You can hear yourself breathing. It comes hard, and harsh, and it scrapes nerves already raw, but you cannot stop it. You can never stop it. You cannot even slow it down...now your self is all you will ever have...and within your furnace heart, you burn in your own flame.” It’s such a wrenching description that some part of me separated it out from the villainous aspect, because the rest of it felt true. My nerves were raw and burned with sensation, touch and too much strain hurt, but my heart persistently, stubbornly kept beating, and I was left sifting through the alternating aspects of its passions (both the transcendent and the desolate).

This isn’t at all “excuse or justify the things Vader did” (since, again, this isn’t actual analysis, it’s sentimental personal nonsense), because of course I do not and never would, but the depth of empathy I had for Anakin, as a person and as a lost soul (and a lost future), and the way that left an imprint on me right at the onset of my illness became indelible.

There’s a point to this, I promise.

George Lucas did re-editing and reworkings of the original trilogy and I’ve never minded any of it, because they were his to edit and fix up if he wanted to do so, and little extra CG snippets of planets and creatures only expands the universe in my mind. That said, I realize adding Hayden’s Anakin at the end of Return of the Jedi was divisive, even upsetting for some, but for me it was everything. I’ve hesitated to ever reblog gifs of the scene because I felt like I had to justify or explain why I hold it so dear before I did, so this is my chance to do that.

As a child, I never felt really connected to the fleeting glimpse of Sebastian Shaw (my mom actually remembers me asking why he was so “old,” apparently I reasoned at the time that Anakin should have been younger, I think because I imagined him then as more of a dashing hero, based on Obi-Wan’s description in A New Hope). Anakin never lived as that image of a more middle aged man, that was never who he was within Vader’s suit, and there was always an evincive resonance that I was seeking. Once Attack of the Clones came along, Hayden was my Anakin, he was the embodiment of that character, and I loved him, and I loved his performance (and saw so much nuance and layering in it despite what was often said). Yet one of the last images we witness of him is burning on that scorched lava shore. It’s devastating.

Luke’s unwavering faith that some glimmer of his father still exists, that goodness can’t ever be entirely erased, that love will overcome, that throwing aside his weapon is an act of bravery and grace, is the moment when Anakin is finally released from that. “He takes the ounce of good still left in him and destroys the Emperor out of compassion for his son.” Balance is restored, and redemption is very small and quiet, not a washing away of violence, but a ceasing of it. It’s the hope that we can always find salvation, that we can still choose to act in love.

When Luke turns around and sees those spirits watching over him, benevolent and glowing and one with the Force, Anakin is his beautiful self again, as the description on this little package says, restored to the “hopeful young Jedi he once was.” The first time I saw that edit of the film, I wept. That was the connection I’d been looking for, the understanding that we’re never wasted, that our souls endure and are mended, that we can choose light, no matter how lost we feel we are, that love can persevere and illuminate even the longest night. It reminded me that I wasn’t only my body, no matter how much it hurt, no matter how it felt like it was collapsing on me, no matter how often I felt like I was failing to be the person I thought I would be, my body could never capture the entirety of who I was, or am. My spirit could still shine, my heart could still be soft.

Anakin says to Padmé in AOTC, “Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is essential to a Jedi's life, so you might say we are encouraged to love.” It’s one of my favorite scenes because it’s so sincere, and yet so richly layered in its meaning. And in the end, this is fulfilled, this belief is proven right.

People may think the idea of the Force is hokey, but because of the way I was brought up, and the intense theological discussions that used to be framed around it (particularly by my dad, we used to do this over e-mail back in the olden days of dial-up, I wish I had those conversations saved), it was a really important, formative concept for me. The Force is connectivity, it’s like a variant of the belief in Tikkun olam that parts of the vessels of the divine used to shape the world shattered, and their shards became sparks of light trapped within the material of creation, and thus exist and persist in all of us, in all the diverse and breathtaking life around us, and that we should respect and cherish that life. “The best expression of the Force is not a lightsaber fight or other combat techniques. It’s really about your connection to life, to everything around you, and your ability or willingness to let go, to find peace, and ultimately become a selfless part of existence...in the end there is no power that aids [Luke], except the power of compassion and love; the act of forgiveness and apparent self-sacrifice is what saves his father from the dark side.”

It’s the idea that there’s something eternal within all living things, something powerful and connected that binds us together, that means we affect one another, and that we make choices as to whether those influences are for the better (or not). That we can decide to increase the power of light and warm energy in the universe. The idea that we’re not limited to our physical selves, that we’re luminous, radiant, possible beings. That we can reach out in love and compassion to heal the world, even if it’s only in small ways, even if we’re the only ones who see it exist, who know it happens, and still the summation of that additional light can radiate everywhere.

#does this even make sense idk but here it is anyway #anakin skywalker #love can ignite the stars #encouraged to love #star wars #luminous beings are we #look what a *toy* caused me #i am a ridiculous person #bubble wrap around my heart #spirituality #the little girl who was always tired #chronic illness #it took me three hours from start to finish to actually get this posted sigh #but it was important to me even if nobody reads it #you are not obligated to complete the work but neither are you free to abandon it #sw meta #it's not really but i'll file it there

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lucifers-trash-stash · 7 years

Text

All For You

A/N: This is my entry for @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash‘s third Negan challenge! My prompt was Demon!Negan and I decided to use one of the dialogue prompts that was requested for Negan a while back. (”Tell me you need me.” “I’m telling you, I’m haunted.”) Hope you guys enjoy :D

Word count: 1,556

Warnings: Death, swearing, demonic entities, Ouija boards, general spooky stuff.

You quickly entered your apartment and slammed the door shut behind you. The door was the only thing keeping you steady on your legs as your body was wracked with sobs. You slid down to the floor, your hands clasped over your eyes as the tears began to flow. There was a part of you that couldn’t help but acknowledge that the series of events that had been plaguing you recently were your fault.

It was a stupid decision to get together with your friends and mess around with a Ouija board. Really, how on Earth did you think that would be a good idea? Granted it was a long shot that you’d be haunted, but still.

It had only been a week, and yet bad things were happening all around you. That nasty coworker of yours at Starbucks that made it her mission to spite you at every turn? She spilled hot water from the coffee machine all down her right arm and needed to go to the hospital. The man that cut in front of you in line at the gas station? He walked outside and promptly fell flat on his face and broke his nose and chipped a few teeth.

But the worst one happened just within the hour. You’d been walking home from work, exhausted from a long shift. A man had catcalled you, and when you ignored him he started following you. Telling you that you were being rude to him. That you should say thanks to him for calling you “sex on legs.” You had begun to power walk now, knowing that no one on the street was going to stop and tell him to quit it.

And that’s when you felt something whoosh behind you and an earth shattering crash rang through your ears. Your head whipped around and looked on in horror at the sight before you. Out of nowhere, a car had spun out of control, onto the sidewalk, and pinned the man that was following you against the wall. Glass was everywhere, and from the small glimpse you took of the man that was hit, his face was red and frozen in silent shock.

In the commotion of people rushing to help the driver and the man against the wall, you turned heel and ran. You should have stayed, you told yourself. But what would the police be able to do for something like this? Something out of the realm of the natural world?

You were startled out of your thoughts when your phone began to buzz. It was one of your friends that had been there on the night you used the Ouija board.

“Hey, just calling to check up on you,” they said on the other end of the phone. “I know you’ve been paranoid the last few days.”

“I’m not paranoid,” you said through grit teeth. “It’s like I’ve been telling you. I’m haunted.”

“Do you know how crazy that sounds?” your friend laughed. “If you were haunted by a stupid dinky Ouija board then by that logic the rest of us would be too.”

“Look, I don’t have time to-” you started before you heard a thump from the other room.

Silently, you rose from your spot on the floor and listened for more. There was another soft thump down the hall near the living room. You quickly told your friend that you’d call them back and hung up.

It was silly to even consider anything other than bolting out of your apartment and running for the hills. And yet, you put one foot in from of the other, carefully using your hand on the wall to support your body. You weren’t sure what you’d find behind the door when you opened it, but you needed to know. The handle felt ice cold in your touch, a sign you should pull back and run, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. You needed to know what was in there.

The door slowly creaked open, revealing your small but modest living room. Everything was in it’s place; bookshelves, the TV, your furniture. The only thing wrong with the room was the figure hunched over in the chair in front of you.

His head of dark brown hair was facing the ground, hiding its face from you. He wore a plain grey shirt and ragged jeans, his feet bare and coated in a tar-like substance that seeped into the fibers of the carpet as he sat there. His hands were clasped in front of him, dark black veins marring them as they swirled around his toned arms. He was also a well built man just from looking at him.

He didn’t flinch when you stepped towards him, inching ever so closely to figure out what his face looked like. He still wouldn’t lift it, not even when you were mere feet away from him. Taking a deep breath, you tried to steady your voice when you asked in the most confident voice you could muster, “What are you? Have you been doing all those horrible things?”

Slowly, the man tilted his head up and you gulped back the lump in your throat. His eyes were a dark black with amber irises, but that was the only scary thing about his face. He had salt and pepper stubble that graced his jawline. His lips were partially open, and you chastised yourself for imagining how kissable they might be. His black hair was slicked back, giving you a perfect view of his handsome features. It was hardly what you had imagined his face would be.

“Horrible things?” he asked, as if he wasn’t sure what you had said. “If anything, how those people acted was more fucking vile and repulsive than anything I did. I only protected you from being hurt any further by them.” His eyes glinted as his deep voice held a dangerous edge.

“Umm, you’re the same guy that we talked to on the Ouija board, right? Negan?” you asked as the man nodded his head. “While it’s, uh, nice and all that you were trying to look out for my best interests, but I’d prefer it if you didn’t. I’m fine, really.”

Negan quickly stood up and you flinched, expecting him to hurt you or grab you. Instead, he only stood there, his eyes looking at you sadly.

“Those people were fucking hurting you. It was the right action,” he said in a monotone voice.

“They were jerks but they didn’t deserve to be hurt like that!” you exclaimed, feeling yourself losing control. This whole situation was insane. The fact that you were even entertaining this idea that you weren’t losing your mind and you were in fact debating morality with a demon was insane. “None of them did a single thing that warranted-”

“Can you read minds, sweetheart?” Negan suddenly asked. When you shook your head at the question, Negan continued. “I can. And every fucking punishment fit the crime.”

He walked closer to you, but you didn’t flinch this time. Not even when he leaned down so you could stare into the black pits of his eyes. His amber irises were so striking against the rest of his eyes. They looked, sad, hurt, and angry all at once.

“Did you at all consider what that man who catcalled you fucking wanted to do to you? How he was going to attack you when your guard was down?” he asked with a snarl, the feeling of terror rising up within you again. Not from Negan himself, but from the realization of how much trouble you had really been in. Negan paused for a moment to calm his breath. Finally he spoke again, “I couldn’t let him do that to you.”

Why did you feel your heartbeat racing at those words? You should be repulsed by the mere thought of him. Running as far away from him as you could and calling an exorcist to hose down your apartment with a firehose of holy water.

But those eyes. The calm way he spoke to you. The fact that he was doing all of these things for you. You didn’t appreciate the extremeness of those things, and yet in his own mind he was doing it to save you. To keep you from harm.

When you didn’t give him an answer, his hands slowly reached up to cup your cheeks. “Please. Tell me you need me,” Negan said, desperation in his voice. “I’ll do anything you ask, if only to please you.”

“Do you promise?” you asked, feeling yourself leaning forward, closer to his body. It was a tempting offer, and you were unsure if you would be able to refuse.

“For you, my darling, anything,” he whispered against your lips before fully kissing you.

It felt like time had stopped, like he was the only one in the world that mattered at that moment. His kiss was tinged with cold, and yet there was a warm feeling lying just beneath the surface.

While there might have to be a discussion of how it wasn’t right to hurt everyone in her life that wronged you, it would be okay. Just so long as you were safe and wrapped up in his embrace, you were more than happy to spend an eternity working it out.

Let me know if you’d like on or off of my tag list <3

@superprincesspea// @vizhi0n// @ladylorelitany// @kijilinn// @the-angle-of-depression// @multi-villain-imagines// @squid-from-mirkwood// @notice-me-senpai-sama// @ofdragonsanddreams16// @uniquewerewolfsuit// @followmeonelasttime// @world-war-crap// @sherlocks-timetraveling-assbutt// @zombeeegurl// @blondekel77// @deez666// @purplejellybean// @wadeyourebarelyalive// @johnthackerys// @memphisgirl1977// @melodicdolls// @negans-dirty-girl// @beltz2016// @daintyunicorn// @warriorqueen1991// @ryangoslingstanktop//

#ash's round 3 negan challenge #negan #negan x reader #negan x female reader #negan x you #negan fanfiction #negan fanfic #the walking dead #the walking dead fanfiction #drabble #drabble challenge

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recentanimenews · 5 years

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THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL RE:ZERO REWATCH Comes to a Close in Episodes 21-25

Hello, everyone! Welcome back to the final installment of THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL Re:ZERO REWATCH! My names Danni Wilmoth, and I’ll be your host through episodes 21 - 25 of Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-. In last week’s episodes, we saw Subaru finally turn things around and deliver one of the most infamous rejections in anime history. We pick up this week in the midst of a spectacular battle wondering if we’ll get any sort of resolution before season’s end.

I’ve gotta say, I didn’t expect to like Re:ZERO as much as I do now. I’ve never quite bought into the appeal of isekai anime that isn’t focused on moms, but I suppose that’s because I never really gave them a chance. I also understand why some friends of mine told me they thought Re:ZERO got better as it went along and others that thought it got worse. I do think the show lost a lot of the mystery that made its first half so appealing, but by the time that happened I had already completely bought into this incredible cast of characters. I can’t think of a single character I didn’t like in Re:ZERO. Not many shows can say that.

Before that, though, I’d like to shout out Heavenspiercing for totally having my back on the whole “I love Emilia” thing:

“This is the first time he's been openly honest about his feelings, and he's saying it to Rem of all people. Why is that? Well, it's because he knew that voicing his feelings, conveying the conviction and determination behind them, is the answer Rem most wanted. Because it was that determination to never give up on those he cared about that Rem fell in love with.”

Seriously, cut him some slack! With that out of the way, it’s time to find out how the rest of the Crunchyroll Features team felt about this final batch of episodes!

This season wrapped up with Subaru finally reuniting with Emilia and apologizing for his past actions. Do you believe he’s really changed and earned this reunion? He’s still throwing himself wildly into danger for her sake every chance he gets.

René: I do expect him to still be kind of reckless in the upcoming second season—though less to the detriment of others. I hope that Subaru has grown enough so that he thinks about the impact his actions have on others from now on.

Paul: Earning forgiveness is not just about admitting one's past mistakes and how they've harmed people, but also actively working to do better in the future. I feel that Subaru has had a genuine change of heart, albeit one that isn't completely visible to the other characters yet due to the nature of Return by Death. The world of Re:ZERO is perilous, and now at least Subaru is taking bold, heroic action in order to try to mitigate that danger for others. That's what Emilia has been doing all along, so Subaru emulating her example is a good thing.

Noelle: I think it’s still a little too hard to tell. One thing for certain is that Subaru has no doubt improved himself and learned from some of his mistakes. That deserves credit! I think it’s more how the show is framing things that gives me my doubts, because Subaru has very earnestly admitted his misgivings and swallowed his pride in some respects. Unfortunately, how he views Emilia is something we’re not privy to, and that’s the biggest thing that he had to learn. Everything else though, he seems to have taken to heart and credit where credit is due.

Jared: While his apology did feel at least sincere, it still seems too soon to tell if he’s legitimately changed or not. In essence, it hasn’t been that long since the big blow of with Emilia and his breakdown with Rem, so it’s hard to say that he’s truly and fully changed. Perhaps he’s actually on the road to that. Although, I will say he kind of put himself in a bad situation since he doesn’t want to selfishly help Emilia, but prioritizing helping one person in general is kind of selfish in general, so he kind of put himself in a pickle there. I think as a whole though, I was more bummed with Emilia just wholeheartedly reaccepting him again so soon.

Kevin: I think that he’s honestly realized his past mistakes and wants to grow. Whether he will actually change or will continue to mess everything up… well, I guess season 2 could prove me wrong, but after this rewatch his track record seems pretty weighted against him just learning a lesson and moving on.

Carolyn: In real life I would heavily doubt it. That fast? Under so much stress and trauma? Healing takes time. But he did seem to mean it and he does seem to have actually learned from his mistakes. Though I still would have liked to see him step back just a bit more. He was quite confident that Emilia would eventually return his love and I guess that’s not a bad thing in and of itself but combined with his past entitlement, I would have liked to see a little more space given there.

Kara: Subaru is Subaru. He has a track record of messing up, going into the absolute depths of despair, crawling his way back up by remembering how to care about other people, and then hitting a point of self-realization. I don’t think any of those moments are worthless, because each of them shows some progress—admittedly he seems to be “three steps forward, two steps back.” For the moment, I do believe he’s realized that he was acting from a very selfish place, and I do believe he’ll at least attempt to do better. But if he got it right from here on out, we wouldn’t have a season 2 coming, would we?

David: While I doubt he will be a completely different character going forward, I do think he will be acting with a different perspective and with different priorities. That’s what basically the entire second half of the show was about, so at the very least I would hope that wasn’t all for nothing.

Joshua: Watching Subaru in these episodes and thinking back to his behaviour in past weeks, I think he’s finally matured a great deal. His apology was overdue, but it felt like it genuinely came from the heart, and those earnest feelings are likely what Emilia responded to. It was an incredibly touching moment, seeing Subaru finally process and own up to his behaviour, and to see Emilia finally receive the acknowledgement she’d longed for. Subaru’s gone through an awful lot, and he’s definitely changed for the better, so yeah—he deserved it. I don’t think Subaru’s recklessness will ever change. When Emilia’s involved, there’s no lengths he’ll go to. Hopefully there’ll be a difference in how he goes about now he’s realised the price of his own selfishness, however.

Austin: I think he’s at least become more self aware, which I’d say has earned his reunion. It’d be a little silly to expect him to suddenly do a complete 180, at least to me, so hopefully more awareness of how his actions affect and are perceived by others will nudge him in the direction of making more rational (and healthy) decisions.

It’s hard to believe we’re already done, isn’t it? For the newbies here, how did the show stack up against your early expectations? And for those who’d already seen it before, do you feel any differently about it now compared to before our rewatch?

René: I appreciated a lot more of the small things and was able to focus on the mysteries that aren’t solved within this first season, like the details of the relationship between Ram and Roswaal and why Emilia chose to pose as Satela in the first loop. It definitely strengthened my appetite for the second season and I can’t wait for it to finally come out.

Paul: Re:ZERO was better than I anticipated, and I didn't find Subaru as detestable as I thought I would. Even at his peak levels of narcissism, I could understand why he was behaving in such a bone-headed manner, and I pitied him despite how much of his suffering was self-inflicting by his own selfish actions. I didn't expect that, and I also appreciate how richly realized the world feels. There's a lot going on outside of Subaru and his circle, enough to fill entire spin-off novels.

Noelle: I think it’s one of the better isekai that I’ve managed to watch. The plot was speedy and intriguing, and I found myself wanting to marathon it instead of waiting for segments per week, which is a pretty good sign. Overall, I think I had a pretty good time, even if I still have quite a few misgivings. I’d still be up to watch season two though.

Jared: To me, it’s a tale of two halves. The first half has an interesting mystery and gimmick that keeps you invested, but the second half you have to deal with the height of Subaru being bad and the gimmick losing its luster. It also has the problem of most adaptations where you’re only getting a tiny portion of the story, which isn’t a knock against it, but is still unfortunate. I also thought at times the character writing bordered on being real bad, especially when it came to the romantic interests where they get reduced down to just being tools for Subaru’s drive and determination and that’s it. I suppose with all of that, it was worse than what I was initially anticipated.

Kevin: I’ve seen this show I think three times before, with one viewing being with my Mom, which ended after the White Whale. This time, I think I actually had a more mellow reaction that previous viewings. Sure, I still liked Rem and Subaru talking for most of episode 18, but I found more faults and nitpicks than in previous viewings. Likewise, I used to think that the last arc wasn’t really a good ending, that the show should’ve ended with the White Whale. Binge watching the series over a couple of weeks kept Subaru’s motivation at the forefront, and so the last arc now seems a lot more fitting, since his entire goal is to rescue Emilia.

Carolyn: I had never seen it before and it was very different from the impressions I sort of had when we first started. I think I was thinking it was like a video game sort of thing? I liked the fantasy aspect, I liked how dark it got. The characters are great and the story is great. I’m a fan.

Kara: Honestly loved it within a single episode. It’s got time loops, nightmare fuel, character development, more nightmare fuel… and as much as I bag on Subaru, it’s obvious that we’re actually meant to feel that way about him and want him to do better. Put me down as extremely pro-Re:ZERO… enough that I went and bought one of the shirts from the capsule collection on the Crunchyroll Store.

David: Every time I watch this show I like it more. I think the main thing I’m taking away from this rewatch is being more scared than ever about how many ways future seasons could mess everything up, but in a way that speaks to how much I like it in the first place.

Joshua: Despite having owned the Blu-rays for a while, this was my first time watching since the original broadcast! I’d say that I’ve gained a new appreciation for Subaru’s narrative arc. I admittedly found it hard to let go of my first impression the first time around, but reliving this gradual transformation made me realise just how multifaceted a character Subaru is. He’s not perfect by any means, but I wish far more protagonists had this kind of growth. I also find it hilarious that I was once creeped out by Betelguese. This time around, I just found him pitiful. Watching Subaru outright toy with him in these episodes was delightful. In contrast however, my opinion of Crusch has shot up. Rem’ll still have a special place in my heart, but Crusch is definitely best girl now.

Austin: I forgot a good amount of the details between now and when I watched it back when it first aired, but I remember liking it a lot then and still did this time around as well. Something that did apparently change is I was much more emotional watching it this time around and probably cried at least once a week rewatching it.

We’ve heard a lot of arguing ever since Re:ZERO started over who Best Girl is. We all know now that it’s obviously Beatrice, but there’s one important question left unanswered: who in Re:ZERO is Best Boy?

René: By the classical definition, I’d have to choose Puck but I’m instead gonna buy with Betelgeuse. I love out of control villains already and Yoshitsugu Matsuoka is a treasure when voice characters like this. It’s a real shame that he often gets cast as regular nice guy or well-meaning hero because him eating the scenery is just pure joy to listen to.

Paul: I'm putting my Best Boy vote down for Felix. Not only is he essential as the main healer of the series, but he also doesn't demonstrate any of the stiff attitude and honor-culture baggage displayed by other knights like Reinhard and Julius, and that puts him as prime Best Boy material in my book.

Noelle: I do love a good knight, so I am initially privy to Reinhard, but I found myself liking Julius, especially by the end. In the start, everything is framed from Subaru’s POV, so he comes off as very malicious, but it turns out he’s the type that will give respect to those that have earned it. And that’s pretty good!

Jared: I would probably also go with Felix, although I did come around on Julius near the end as well since they fleshed out his and Subaru’s relationship.

Kevin: Uhh excuse me, what do you mean unanswered? Did the White Whale erase Wilhelm from your memory or something?! Oh wait, of course it didn’t, because Best Boy Wilhelm’s sheer badassness and emotional catharsis killed it, along with any competition for the title (although even I have to admit that he might fit better as “Best Dad”)!

Carolyn: Wilhelm for sure. He’s just a good guy.

Kara: Thirding Wilhelm. Leaving some wiggle room for Al, though. He seems like a bro.

David: I pick Julius after being reminded of the neat little character arc he goes through, but an honorable mention goes the Otto the Carriage Guy, who sort of gets dragged through the mud in every timeline but still manages to be pretty reliable (when he isn’t having his mind poisoned by the White Whale’s mist).

Austin: Felix! Definitely not at all influenced by Yui Horie voicing him in Japanese. Nope. Not one bit.

Joshua: There’s simply no competition—it’s Wilhelm. His love for Theresia was both tragic yet heartwarming, but that moment when he finally avenged his beloved and was able to triumphantly put that chapter of his life to peace, was sublime. Besides, he’s a kick-ass old man who survived far more than his body should have let him, and we know he had a grumpy emo phase too!

We already know that there’s more Re:ZERO coming, are there any characters or aspects about the world you’d like to see addressed in greater detail?

René: I can’t wait for Emilia to get more time in the spotlight, so that the world as a whole can see how right I’ve been all these years putting her on a pedestal. I will have so much fun to go full “Told you so” mode once the second season comes out. Besides that, I’m looking forward to finally meeting Satela in person (since the trailer already showed her off).

Paul: Although these episodes end on a high-point, the story of Re:ZERO is just getting started, so I'd like to see more about the royal selection, more about Roswaal's plans to slay the dragon, and more about Subaru's connection to the Jealous Witch. I'd like more of everything, really. I'd even like some more resolution for what's going on with Elsa, the “Bowel-Hunter” assassin from the earliest episodes. She seemed like a major antagonist, so I'm surprised that she hasn't resurfaced.

Noelle: I want to know what Satella’s deal is! She is obviously a person with considerable influence, and is even connected to Subaru’s curse, but we never really know anything about her? It’s her cult that causes most of the problems, and we know she’s a major antagonistic figure, but what does she want? Why Subaru? Tell me more!

Jared: There’s a ton of mysteries still left to tell that I’d hope they’d get to address in the second season. Everything with Satella and why she’s very into grabbing Subaru’s heart all the time, why Subaru has his ability, what’s truly up with folks like Roswaal, the royal selection, and probably completely new things that will crop up to keep Subaru from his goal. The bad thing is though that all of that might be too much to cover all in another season.

Kevin: Basically everything that they’ve hinted at in the show. I would love to go out of Legunica to see the northern Provinces (where Elsa’s from and may well be hiding), I definitely want to know more about Roswaal’s plan to kill the dragon. What was Ram referring to when she said she’d take half the villagers to the Sanctuary? What’s up with Dollar Store Sun Bro Al? Is Subaru really the Archbishop of Pride? Why in the first timeline did Emilia introduce herself as Satella? I’m not even sure that a season two would answer everything, but I’m really excited for more, even if it mostly brings up new questions, rather than answering the ones I already have.

Carolyn: I will echo René but in fewer words: Emilia.

Kara: I’d be up for seeing any of the above, but I for sure want more Return by Death logistics. Does something in particular cause the alteration of Subaru’s save points, or is it just narrative causality? Why did he get isekai’d over in the first place? Satella, I need to know your logic here.

David: I mostly want more of the Royal Election. That concept got introduced and then mostly put back away after Subaru had his temper tantrum, but I’m very interested in everyone involved.

Joshua: I definitely want to know more about the different plot threads, like Roswaal’s scheme, Subaru and Emilia’s ties to Satella, and the Witch Cult. Betelguese said he represented Sloth and that every sin bar Pride had an archbishop, right? So that means there are others out there for us to meet too (please no spoilers if you’ve read the light novel!). On a purely personal level though, I really want to see more Beatrice. She’s such an enigmatic character with a peculiar position in the world as we know it, so I’d like to learn more about that.

Austin: I’d love to see more of Anastasia, Frederica, and Felt outside of the royal selection process, kind of like how Crusch got in these last few episodes. I feel like there are certain plot threads they absolutely have to follow on, like Satella and the Witch’s Cult, so having a little slice of getting to see more of these characters and getting to know them outside of them playing political 3D chess would be nice.

Finally, what were your highs and lows for Re:ZERO as a whole?

René: My absolute high was how the show portrayed the importance of acknowledging other people’s viewpoints and how not doing it can quickly turn for the worse. Even if you don’t agree with someone, it’s important to be aware that not everything centers around you—something that a lot of isekai sadly go against. I wish we could get more stories with an actual moral instead of just wish fulfillment from this genre.

My low point unfortunately remains the backstory of the twins. It’s probably my biggest sore spot with the series as it still stands as the one less elegant storytelling part due to it being so shoehorned. Maybe I’d even be more positive on Rem as a character if that hadn’t been the case.

Paul: My high point for the series is all of the work that went into making Subaru such a flawed but ultimately redeemable protagonist. I'm glad that he's finally pulling his own weight at the end, and although he still has to rely on stronger characters for all of the fighting, at least now he's using his brains to solve problems, rather than just going with his gut and hoping everything works out. My low point is that presently, the TV series of Re:ZERO is only about one-quarter to one-third of a complete narrative. I hope the upcoming second season has a chance to tie up some of the plot threads that have not yet been resolved.

Noelle: My high point is honestly, Subaru. As much as I’ve ragged on him, it’s so (unfortunately) rare for isekai to challenge the bravado of their protagonists. Protagonists don’t deserve to have everything handed to them, especially romance and good will, just because they’re shiny people. Subaru acknowledging his own powerlessness and that he has to prove himself instead of expecting things to fall into his lap is good. Really good. I don’t think he’s made a complete transformation, but he is progressing and I appreciate that. Low point is that the cult sure came out of nowhere. I can’t really feel this major impending threat for bad guys that sprung out of the ground suddenly. If they had a little more setup, I wouldn’t have this issue, but it felt like they were thrown in there and didn’t amount to much. The whale felt like more of a threat.

Jared: I think my high point was just trying to figure out all of the mysteries and questions that kept popping up throughout the season, even if most of them weren’t answered. I also enjoyed a lot of the side characters that showed up and the world of Re:ZERO is interesting. Low points would be how the writing shifts poorly for Emilia and Rem in the latter half. I still don’t like Subaru and think you could replace him with anyone because he feels like a generic slate. Return by death really lost its luster near the end as well because anytime something bad would happen for Subaru, you knew that he’d get bailed out by that. It’d probably worked better if this story was the length of this first season and that was it. Going forward it’s going to be incredibly difficult to put him into any sort of danger because that kind of drama and tension will be cancelled out since he’ll just come back again and somehow find a way to fix things.

Kevin: High - I absolutely love Wilhelm in the White Whale fight. We’ve previously seen that he’s a competent fighter, at least able to train Subaru, and those preceptive enough might’ve made the family name connection to Reinhart, but we finally get to see him fight all out, and get his backstory at the same time, both showing his motivation for fighting and why this fight in particular means so much to him. The same fight also shows Subaru truly in control of things for the first time in the series. He’s not just putting on a brave face or fooling himself into thinking he knows what’s happening, he is directly aiding a plan and even helping to push it forward when many others have given up hope. Low - How they decided to end the show. Back when the show was first airing, as we were nearing the ending people started speculative whether we were going to get to some specific line. No one seemed to spoil what it was (I also didn’t look too hard, for fear of spoiling it), but as best I can tell, the shot of Subaru opening his mouth was the start of whatever that line was. Sure, for fans who know what’s coming, that’s apparently a really big cliffhanger, but for the rest of us it’s just a strange way to end.

Carolyn: My high is absolutely the dark mystery surrounding Subaru’s first few deaths. Who did it? Why did it? What the heck is up with Roswaal’s castle? I was definitely into that. Low without a doubt was the scene in which Rem pours her heart out to Subaru only for him to decide he’d rather have Emilia… right after asking Rem to run away with him… right before asking Rem to stay loyal to him anyway. Geez.

Kara: Two high points. First, just the way it looked, especially the more horrific elements. There was something about the moments of horror (especially Subaru’s descent into madness on the trips back to Roswaal’s place) that really felt like a very liminal nightmare, and creating that effect well isn’t easy. Second, Subaru’s presentation as a flawed character. I see a lot of shows with jackass protagonists where we’re encouraged to forgive them everything they do, or given all the reasons why things are so bad that they “deserve” to act like a jerk. But even after seeing all his friends die repeatedly, we’re still reminded that Subaru is a work-in-progress who can and should do better. My low point is I get the sense I’m missing a lot having not read the books. I guess that’s a low point I can fix myself, though…

David: Echoing others, my high point is Subaru as a protagonist, in no small part because of how underwritten he makes other already rote-feeling isekai protagonists feel. My low point is just the general feel-bad of essentially nothing being resolved in the entire course of this season. It feels like endless plot threads were constantly being thrown into the mix but none of them were dealt with. Hopefully the second season starts tying some of those up before inevitably introducing more.

Joshua: Just so we don’t end on a bum note, for a change of pace I’ll lead with my low points! The first, is actually one I’m still feeling after discussing it last week: the second half’s juggling of the witch’s cult and white whale felt unfocused. This wasn’t helped by the white whale actually feeling far more threatening than Betelguese in the end. One thing that’s always niggled me though, is how Subaru’s returns just wipe out chunks of character development. Then, having lost that, why are people so willing to trust him without enough scrutiny? Sure, he can’t explain Return by Death to anyone, but shouldn’t more people to be asking, even if they can’t get the answer?

I echo my friends’ comments about Subaru’s character arc, especially in relation to other isekai series. As a whole though, while the genre is arguably stagnating with more and more works that are either derivative or just plain bland, Re:ZERO stands out perhaps the best in the genre. The series also really knows how to twist my heart with dramatic scenes, like Subaru pleading for Felix and Julius to kill him in this batch—such a powerful scene. I also love Re:ZERO’s characters and their emotions that allowed me to connect with them. Subaru, Rem, Emilia, Wilhelm, Crusch, Betty… they’re all great in their own way.

Austin: Something I noticed on a rewatch is I absolutely love the happy notes this show hits on. Emilia telling Subaru her name, Rem crying after being saved by Subaru, Rem’s monologue, Wilhelm avenging his wife, and so on all feel incredibly satisfying and hit at the perfect moments. All of the suffering and trial and error Subaru goes through and us having to follow along the whole way gives even bittersweet moments this feeling of relief I really really love. Alongside characters that feel more human than I honestly expected from a show like this, these scenes all got me at the very least a little bit teary eyed.

Low point on the other hand is hard. That said, back when I first watched the show I had a complaint that it really liked introducing characters and leaving it at that while showing the story was absolutely capable of fleshing them out with cases like Wilhelm. Just fleshing out some interesting characters makes me wish everyone was fleshed out; I want to know more about Felt and her upbringing before finding out she was a dragon priestess, I want to know more (or really anything) about Roswall instead of him just being a wall of mystery, I want to know more about each of the knights, I want to know more about everyone! Obviously a lot of this is due to the show only getting two cours but it still upset me quite a bit a few years ago.

Counters:

Weekly:

Barusu - 1

Subaru Deaths - 1

Methods of Death - Assisted Suicide

Overall:

Barusu - 32

Subaru Deaths - 11

How Subaru Died - Disembowelment, Disembowelment, Stabbing, Curse, Combination (Curse+Dismemberment), Slit Throat / Torture, Suicide, Freezing, Beheading, Freezing, Assisted Suicide

And just like that, the GREAT CRUNCHYROLL Re:ZERO REWATCH comes to a close! Thank you all so much for joining us on this fun journey as we watch shows and discuss them weekly. Stay tuned for updates on the next chapter of THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL REWATCH!

CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH:

Episodes 16-20: Moby Dick with Catboys

Episodes 11-15: Enduring Heartbreak

Episodes 6-10: From Apples To Demons

Episodes 1-5: Starting Life in Another Rewatch

Re:ZERO Introduction Questions

What are your answers to the above questions? What show are you hoping we rewatch next? Let us know in the comments below!

-----

Danni Wilmoth is a Features writer for Crunchyroll and co-host of the video game podcast Indiecent. You can find more words from her on Twitter @NanamisEgg.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: [email protected]

#Anime #News #Latest in Anime News by Crunchyroll!

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plasmadragonfly · 7 years

Video

youtube

I wish I knew this when I ‘Woke Up’

<https://youtu.be/A-auk5ZsP2M>

Published on Apr 5, 2014

Welcome to the Channel: http://youtu.be/Wo3prvrLInE Our Website: http://www.suspicious0bservers.org Major Warnings/Alerts: https://twitter.com/TheRealS0s

Please Read Before Commenting: If something in this video has upset you, I'll ask if you grasped that I am anti-geoengineering, favor the proving grounds rather than the fearmonger's think-tank, I recognize many potential cover-ups and conspiracies, current and former. I attempt only to help us lose the aspects of this community that stagnate our progress or harm our credibility. We have so much value here, and I see it wasted. Waking up truly takes away a significant logical filter of ours… everything we've trusted is 'broken' in a way, and it takes time to mend it. This is not easy.

Young men make wars but the wise strive for courage and seek towards securing a better future. I have a genuine doubt about the ability of our community to prevail in its current status - I am still trying to gain the patience to deal with the fact that repetition has become, and will forever be, a necessary element of my discourse and presentations. There will always be the 'newly awakened' and there will always be homework to do and some of the same questions to be repeated - such is our burden. This is not easy.

Dear BY, what can I say? We've discussed this so many times. How do you explain to someone that they have a fault, even just one, and not have their first reaction be anger? We're not operating in the most sensible environment… that much is clear after 3 minutes in any comment section. So much anger, not enough love. I don't know if people will even hear the logic here, but I did my best. I love this community, and let's face it- we both knew I'd have to try at some point. I don't mind being the bad guy here if a good number of people understand the message being conveyed. Either we will grow up, or we will fall.

Dear everyone worried about #chemtrails OR #Fukushima, I need you to put your 'big-boy' ears on now. Fukushima is not a new concern. The water may not be the best, and I'm avoiding fish from there, but the real danger came in dramatic fashion in the days following the initial disaster. Chemtrails have been sprayed for decades. The worst elements of both are already in every breath, every sip, and every bite. There is nothing you can do about it, and nobody who can hide from it. There is no vaccine against it, and no DNA that is invulnerable. I understand what it is like the get into the Fukushima or chemtrails aspect of this community… did ya see the video? For those of you most interested in the Fukushima topic, we need to all get together on how cosmic rays affect uranium. It is one of the most important things in our world today.

Dear AJ, what can I say? I will condemn the anti-Semitic attacks you have received, those have no place in civil discourse - but then again, sometimes that can be said for you. I count 51 times I requested your audience, once per every 1000 subscribers to my channel, then after 51 attempts I tried to gain your attention through harsh comments… I was finally blocked. I checked on my status weekly and since I spent months being blocked, and recently became able to post again, I know you are paying attention. The question is, since you have hit click 'read more' to see this much of the comment, will you even have the diligence to see my message? I showed you approximately as much respect as you showed for Piers and CNN and for each of us, that you acted so childish as our representative. You had a forum on national TV, that was our chance to make a statement and you did indeed - the wrong one. That was our shot to show everyone we are not raving lunatics… or perhaps it was the goal to make up appear that way? I don't expect an answer, as usual.

Dear DI, you know exactly what you are doing. My only point of interest is whether your stories are a product of your own creativity or a script handed to you by someone else.

Dear MJ/JL, what can I say? How can I expect you not to be mad. I hope you are the type that can take an honest and deserved jab in the mouth, look back at me in the eyes and seriously consider what I said in this video. You have never given it a chance before, or if you did, you are fools. My logic is undeniable when it comes to our focus in weather modification and at some point we must decide once and for all- whether our goal is merely 'awareness' and a historical context, or actual change. I have ignored accusation after accusation about you two, that you know full well what you are doing and perhaps that you are even paid by the current operation to push focus away from them- away from the current truth. I have refused to believe it because I woke up on your backs, you have spent time in my hall of heroes but you now appear as pillars of hypocrisy, contempt, and confusion. You have lost the true purpose that binds us together in the first place - to stop that which is not righteous among us. You have become content in your level of current progress and are unwilling to take the next step. Let's face it, I could have chosen to do this another way, but I didn't. I have no interest in starting any issues with you; my inspiration is merely the continued progress of the community we share. If you feel like I took a shot at you… you merely got in the way of that noble goal. If you are not fools, you must recognize my purpose, my intent, and the merit of my logic. I implore you to see reason, and see that this video is a hesitant outstretched hand - but we'll need to discuss where you stand on the logic presented here, first. Your current path leads to a barren wasteland; there is nothing in the desert, and no man needs nothing.

Dear BP, what the hell else can I call you? I have no idea what your real name is, and given that your current channel is not the first of your joke-channels to bear the BP label so I'll just go with that. Do you remember the compliment paid to you when you were MrCW? I said that your passion and presentation could make you one of the best on YouTube if you could get past some of the silly mistakes. Here we are, two years later, and it is the same mistakes, the same stories under a new veil, the same attacks on me. Well this video should be the straw that breaks the camels back for that - good luck convincing those fools that I am trying to hide something- the straw is more like a knife to the face of that notion of yours. Not acknowledging the nonsense you purport on a weekly basis is not the essence of a conspiracy. How you manage to keep the attention of these people is astounding - it is truly a feat to which millions aspire to execute. How could you use your forum so irresponsibly? I know you can do better; whatever personal desperation is driving your need to push the bounds of respectable reporting for he sake of popularity, please do what it takes to make sure these people do not pay the price in credibility, time, and emotion.

Dear Terral, I WILL use your name, because you do the same to me. Stop using my name in your presentations, as sporadic as it may be. I have no idea how you are managing to do this under a new channel name, the 6th in 6 consecutive years. You have taken my explanation of your mistakes and twisted them into reasons to further your own agenda. This is of the lowest merit.

To those specifically interested in more on my discussions of life elsewhere, or Agenda 21, there are specific series on these topics at our website. Our weekly 'Fly on the Wall' audio uploads also touch on a number of topics that go far far beyond the topics covered in the daily news.

I will do my best to go over many of these topics in detail in the future, but if you really want MY opinion on something (seriously I don't know why, I'm just another guy) then come shake my hand in person and do what 100s of people did at the conference: walk up and ask me about Flight 370 or chemtrails or #HAARP or anything. I hope the message here was clear, and if you have questions, I recommend a private message on YouTube or an email via our website. Recognize the difficulty in the process and how it has affected you - before I could admit and recognize it in me, I was one of the people I currently am aiming to reach today.

After the first 'wake up' - you are awake. When you do it again, you are an 0bserver. Eyes open, no fear - be safe everyone. Ben Davidson

#TheRealS0s

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