#i actually cried bc i got emotional thinking about it all 😭

[kristiliqua]

CHUNSIK MY BELOVEDDDDDD

[ekanatsume]

Keeping these here bc istg finding doksoo people is like seeing kdj not sacrificing himself

I dont really ship ship them but like the potential they have as a couple i-

If youre a doksoo person, please lemme know bc like i can n o t for the love of god find people who ship them. I just wanna cry about them like 😭🙏

[ID: Tiktok screenshots of Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint fanart of Han Sooyoung and Kim Dokja overlaid with captions about their relationship. The art featured is by more than one artist, but predominantly by BlackBox. The captions read:

1. han sooyoung once said "me, waiting for someone for decades and decades... you think such a thing is even possible? you crazy fool,"

and then we are told about her endless waiting in kaizenix arc, and how she was fighting her best to stay awake for 13 years in the epilogue, for one person, for someone she thought she never waited for, and then it was revealed that she, again, waited for 4 years for certain someone to wake up from his sleep. she diligently visited him every day during his time in the hospital, making sure he's still alive and well even though his soul has scattered away.

2. orv ebook spoiler?

during kaizenix arc kim dokja wrote a love letter to han sooyoung where he told her "write a'story that's for me andme "alone." little did he know that han sooyoung Would do anything, LITERALLY anything to write a story for him alone. why aren't you by her side when she writes a story for you?

3. kaizenix arc shows how much kim dokja means to han sooyoung. she spent 50 years, literally a lifetime, waiting for him. she hold onto the promise kdj told her, where he said he would find her as soon as possible before they got thrown to kaizenix.

she fought her hardest not to forget him. fighting for 50 years, ALONE. for 50 years, she believed kdj would save her. and she believed kdj would one day read her book to save her. and she never blamed kdj for the 50 years she spent. God. it's a pity we don't talk enough about her struggle in kaizenix.

4. This has to be one of the saddest passages in the entire novel.

I will never shut up about doksoo and their captivating interactions. and how astoundingly excellent Sing Shong's writing is: the emotions, permeated the text, and picturing that particular moment visually came with it naturally.

I was moved to tears by her assumption that it was her fault that he started crying and her quick actions to comfort him because she didn't want to keep seeing him cry

Not to mention how Kim Dokja expressed his emotions, which is as uncommon as him not sacrificing his life for KimCom.

All he wanted was some reassurance; to be told, that he's done the best he could the whole time through

Hsy mghtve comforted him for the wrong reasons, but that completed the job nevertheless.

5. when you realize kim dokja's ■■ is "epilogue" and "eternity" while han sooyoung's ■■ is "neverending story". and towards the end we find out about hsy making a promise to kdj that she will write the epilogue, a story, for kdj until the end of time, for eternity, if that's the only way she could save him…

6. how did you read orv epilogue and think han sooyoung and kim dokja are platonic bc i genuinely thought they were canon after hsy's sacrifices for 13 years, and kdj openly saying he loves her story more than anyone else.

orv theme is basically your story = you

7. the fact that kim dokja had actually fulfilled his promise to read han Sooyoung's "boring" novel that has over 3000 chapters even before they both made promise with each other.. he kept his promise for over than 13 years, without both realizing that fact until hsy regained her memories as tls123, and kdj as od.

8. han sooyoung had seen kim dokja's life at its lowest when she first saw him almost lifeless at the hospital she held his hand, feeling the warmth of the hands that had given up of his life, and she cried. and the first thing. she thought of was how to save him. in mere minutes she decided to damn the whole world for him to live and survive she would never let kim dokja to be in that state ever again, not when she is there for him.

9. the whole twsa is a love letter from han sooyoung to kim dokja. she told him to never give up (ch533), encouraged him to find companions (ch75). described so many disgusting foods as delicious so that he could eat them with ease, and not to mention the whole reason why twsa existed was for him to have a reason to live and survive for another day. she wrote all of this for 13 years, so that he could live BEFORE and AFTER apocalypse. she saved him before anyone else could do it. her love is eternal. End ID]

Thenks to @princess-of-purple-prose I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO ALT TEXT AAAAAA. Thenks for doing this ^^

[fatuismooches]

Hello Smooches i hope that you are doing well! Also Merry Christmas to my one of my fav writers and also everyone here 💞🙏🛐 Thank you for still serving us Harbinger content for more than a year with ur big brain writings (as always) even though we barely have enough info about some of them.. *cries* (especially Capitano.. Mihoyo, where is he?? 😭💔 can we just skip to Natlan now-)

Also, have u seen those sus leaks about Natlan going around recently? 😭 i REALLY hope that Signora will be playable during Natlan's Story Quests

-🥝

(Before i go, do u remember about your post about Capitano taking tips from those love advice books and use them to flirt reader? Imagine that, but he got short-circuited instead bcs reader also flirting him back 💀 bcs it always went awkward)

My lovely 🥝 anon I too hope that you are doing well dearest! (Late) Merry Christmas to you as well, I hope you enjoyed it 💗 And YEAH EDBWDK it's crazy it's been so long since the Lazzo trailer dropped huh? I don't know when we'll get another huge lore drop but. I'm REALLY hoping we do because I'm hanging on by a mere thread.

And no I haven't actually! I'm not getting my hopes up for Natlan leaks so quickly, it'd probably be too good to be true 😭 But I swear, Signora HAS to be playable during Natlan 😢☹️☹️ I expect to see her moth flying in the background in a cutscene!! Or else!! 😡

UGHH I LOVE THAT HC SM!! I imagine Capitano had a whole plan of action for when he was trying to flirt with you (1. Chat with them. 2. Gauge their mood. 3. Flirt. 4. Gauge their mood again. 5. "Go with the flow" <- words from the book) Unfortunately he did not plan for you to flirt back with him. Capitano.exe has stopped working. What did that book say if this happened?! The poor Captain cannot remember, and now poor you are left wondering if he didn't like your forwardness. (He does.)

I've been reading a lot of "Dragon Capitano" Theory that has been going around after the end of Fontaine's Archon Quest and now i can't stop thinking of ur hc of reader teaching him "human emotion" 😭😭 its just so endearingly cute u know? -🥝

DRAGON CAPITANO? I've never heard of that theory before! I know Capitano is said to be an ordinary mortal/human but, I can't help but wonder if that's really true ahaha (the fanarts with the tongue and claws have me... 🤭 but regardless of what he turns out to be, I'll still luv luv him) But omg yes,,, that would certainly make that hc even cuter. A dragon living among mortals but still struggles to fit in!! 😔 But that's okay, you'll teach him all human things related, from emotions to actions to everything in between! And maybe he can teach you about some dragon facts in return :3 (Mhm now I'm imagining him hiding scales and other dragon features under all that bulk 😭)

[bookinit02]

HAVEN OH MY GOSH THE NEW EPISODE!!!!!! I SCREAMED. I made a bunch of very insane notes and I thought I'd gift them to you. as a treat:

fucking COLD

BABY WILL AND MIKE GOT ME SOBBINGGG

So curious as to what's going on with Will and Vecna, also Will tell your boyfriend!!! Come on!!! crazy together!!! (also MIKE tell your boyfriend actually. y'all need to talk about the messed up Vecna stuff!!! that's the whole idea!!!)

OH FUCK OH NO MAX AND LUCAS. OH NO. OH NO I AM SO SAD. OH NO. I AM CRYING. WHYYYYY

NANCY ROBIN ERICA TEAM UP!!! Erica gets friends and mentors as she SHOULD and I love her

WINGWOMAN NANCY!! Hasn't even been come out to yet and is already the wingwoman of all time. We love to see it. I love her.

RONANCE CRUMBS???????

THAT JANCY BREAKUP WAS THE MOST HEARTBREAKING THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME. I AM CRYING. SOBBING. BUT IT WAS SO GOOD

What does Karen Wheeler KNOW

Mike and Holly are the cutest little sibling babies and I love them so much. They are my favourite and Holly is adorable and deserves the world.

NANCY AND MIKE ARE ALSO THE CUTEST SIBLINGS. QUALITY WHEELER FAMILY CONTENT RIGHT HERE. I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH.

OHHH MIKE JUST CAME OUT. OH HONEY. NANCY YOU ARE THE BEST BIG SISTER I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

THE JONATHAN AND WILL MIKE AND NANCY PARALLELS IM-

THE MIKE AND NANCY SCENE AS A WHOLE. THAT IS LITERALLY MY FAVOURITE SCENE SO FAR. THAT WAS SO GOOD. READING THAT IN THE FIC IS GOING TO BREAK MY HEART EVEN MORE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Oh Mike. I love you so much. you and will need to TELL EACH OTHER THINGS. PLEASE.

All in all amazing episode, I loved it and it was sad and happy and funny and destroyed me like six times but it's WORTH IT!!!! I'm excited for the chapters of the fic!!!

ok i hope it’s ok that i waited a few days to answer this—i didn’t want to spoil it for anyone!!

first of all YES i was so fucking proud of myself for that line😭 such a banger . i literally left it there for like 2 days without writing anything else bc i was like how tf do i follow that😭😭

MIWIIII💗💗💗😭 BABY MIWIIIIII💗🫶🏻😭

yes!! i am also super excited to develop the will & vecna storyline. and listen they’ve been miscommunicating for like 2 seasons now, ofc they’re gonna keep going (for a little bit at least😉)

yeah honestly i cried writing that scene☹️ they make me so . So.

yes!!! i need some sort of girl power moment in s5 so badly (but Not in that cringy forced way that shows do sometimes if u know what i mean😭)

nancy is The wingwoman of all time actually. she treats it as a matter of life and death. it is a one-woman competition and she is NOT losing.

ronance crumbs… perhaps… hehe :)

yeah listen it broke My heart too and i was SO split on whether to do it or not . but i think it’s the most realistic option and they definitely have things they need to work out!! i’m honestly very very interested to see what the writers do with the love triangle storyline bc this has definitely been the most challenging plot to write so far. but i am enjoying the challenge :)

as for what karen knows… we’ll have to find out👀

I AGREE😭😭💗 HOLLY IS SO UNDERRATED WE NEED MORE OF HER SO BADLY!!!

nancy and mike as well. just more wheeler family dynamics all across the board bc i am Obsessed with them!!

yeah that scene was very emotional to write😭😭 he’s come so far and i’m so proud of him!! (is the one actively writing his character arc)

love me a good parallel🫡🫡

THANK YOU THAT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE SCENES AS WELL💗💗💗 and yes i’m so excited to write the fic version!!

i’m so glad you liked this episode, thank you SO much for this comment! i don’t get as many comments on my scripts (understandably) as i do on my fic, but i really appreciate when people give me feedback :) i’m so happy that you’re enjoying them!

[fairycosmos]

i got word from my ex-boyfriend's host brother that he, quote, "never loved me, dated me bc he felt bad for me, regrets dating, hates me, and wants nothing to do with me". i held back tears on the bus and cried for 15 minutes when i got home, but then got hungry and made quiches. i told my parents about how stupid that was and my mom was like "he's probably lying because why'd he do all those things for you if he 'never loved you'?? and you tell me how lazy and addicted to video games he is to the point where his friends complain about it (you know it's bad when his friends complain about it), so why would he put that much effort for a month and a half?" so i was like no literally. my dad took the more intellectual approach and said "(your friend's dad) and i will go over to his house and beat him up. and we're going to make a sign that says '(ex-bf's name) = jerkface'. because he's being a huge jerkface."

anyways, i think i've finally moved on from this horrible break up and i mean it this time!!! if he keeps moving between "oh god i still love you so much please can we be friends i can't bear to lose you" and "i actually don't want anything to do with you i regret even meeting you GODDD" i don't think he's worth crying over anymore :)

WOW what the fuck is wrong with him!!!!! im with your mam like it really sounds like he's just saying that to hurt you / cope with himself and what he's done or whatever bc you truly don't invest that much time and energy and emotion into someone (esp as an introvert 😭) if you don't like them. i am so so sorry he has put you through this and i hope you don't internalise any of the negativity or insecurity from this relationship - i hope you move forward truly knowing that you are wonderful and that you did not deserve to be treated like that. im glad you have your parents there to support you as well - they sound very real like literally he is a jerkface and also a cunt. and though it might be hard to contend with the pain inside you your life will be infinitely better off without him now he's revealed his true colours. for real. the fact that he's even reverting back to the whole i love you thing after saying that shit to manipulate you into getting back with him?? yeah absolutely not he can fuck off. you've got it love - he is quite literally in every sense of the word not worth agonising over. mwah wishing you all the love and healing you deserve - and someone who treats you right. mwah x

[minniepetals]

long msg (maybe?):

AHHHH so glad cmar is back 😭😭 been baking all day for family and cfriends so i wasnt able to see ur post abt its release AND when u released cmar💔 j so glad ur back and cmar is back🩷 cmar has me feeling so many emotions but ngl sometimes i also feel a little desensitized from reading sm angst in cmar😭(?)

alexander reminds me sm of my grandpa, he gives off such a warm vibe. A little prediction for alexander: i think hes the man standing behind karl ( hope m not wring and got the context clues right bc this would be v embarrassing rn😅) if oc acc kills karl right then and there or hurts him, alexander wouldnt say a thing and would have trusted him right there that he would do anything to her (if theres a plot twist and u acc make him hate oc i will be crying !!).

and if so !! i imagine oc going back to korea barely scathed and would take alexander’s adivce and get a dog. i would see her get a cutesy little puppy maybe to heal her inner child (like she gives in a little to her past self and lets go a bit j as alexander says) and absolutely adores her pup. THATS WOULD BE THE CUTEST THING EVER. but i also see her getting a big dog to keep her yk baddie energy through and through (but within the walls of her house or when no one looks she would probably baby her big pup).

I can see her abs loving her pup and probably going berserk on anyone who would harm her pup. u would prob do smthing like kill her pup off j to make us feel smthing.. and she would 100% go on a rampage after finding put who killed her pup🫡

and ofc this wouldnt be a cmar ask w/o tellings u that i hope the boys and oc makes up in the future. doesnt have to be soon or anyt i still have the urge to choke the cmar tannies (j a little). AND i hope they find put abt mc soon and go through abs hell as everything unfolds infront of them little by little. THE GUILT THAT I WANT THEM TO FEEL. yk. i acc imagine them finding everything out through a risky mission through their inears or smthing but idkidk its all up to beloved author (u, ily.)

if any of this. ur acc planning to write m sorry ill stop talking mb.

but on that note !! hope ur doing the best !! hope u feel amazing !! i want to tell u that ive probably read everytimg on ur masterlist alrdy and have repeatedly gone over “a thousand springs” and cried everytime.. i also abs miss ur drabbles ahuhu. but ur health and happiness is what matters most !! take ur time writing !! we wuv u (*˙˘˙)♡

okay i'd like to first point out that the man "standing" behind karl is not alexander but actually y/n's father oop-

"It feels like being in the presence of your father all over again, in the face of danger, of a manipulator, of a gaslighter, of an abuser. He returns hard and so vividly in the form of anger, in the form of a ghost, a spirit whom you see standing right behind Karl. He stands as still as ever, hands held behind his back, simply watching."

to explain, it's basically y/n hallucinating her father being there in front of her again the moment karl laid his hand on her.

will she kill him? will she not? i mean either way, he's dying so... 🫢

also the idea about her getting a pet sounds good lmao. i even thought about it while writing but suffice to say, we won't be introducing another animal character into the mix. the idea is really nice tho, like i just imagine her getting a big black dog who looks menacing, kinda like the way y/n in until the last star falls had cerberus (though in the of kai lmao). BUUT, when you think about it, her "guard dogs" are basically the reapers and i don't really feel like adding another concept into cmar's complicated character building lmao.

also you're getting some one-on-one with jk next chapter who yay for that 🥳

[damistrolls]

All the emojis in the 'people' section for Nobody and Ako

👁️ what colour are their eyes? do people notice their eyes? is there anything special about them (shows emotion easily, literally magical…)?

nobody: he's got serene purple eyes. like a lot of clowns, his whole eye will light up purple when he uses his voodoos

ako: his eyes usually just look black, but if you get in close, you can see the little a little ring of color around them. they actually have a little bit of a gradient to them. very very pretty

i did a little doodle bc i wanted to show off how nice they are

🤥 are they good liars? do they have tells to show they're lying?

nobody: he's not a great liar, but only because he doesn't try too hard to hide it when he's lying. the best way to tell if he's lying or not is just the tone of his voice, since it'll usually have a bit of a sarcastic edge haha

ako: he's a fantastic liar with very very few tells. you'd have to know him really well to know when he's lying

👻 do they believe in ghosts? what are their "ghostly experiences", if any?

nobody: he absolutely believes in ghosts. he's been in enough graveyards to see a spirit or two

ako: he hasn't seen a ghost himself, so he's on the fence about it. he wouldnt be surprised if ghosts were real, but until he sees one himself, he's going to remain skeptical

💥 what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?

nobody: he's got trouble dealing with love. he's a VERY introverted troll, so it's hard for him to know what to do when he actually does care about someone. he both wants to be around them, and also doesn't want to be around them, which is confusing and frustrating

ako: ako has trouble dealing with shame or embarrassment. he tends to guard details about his personal life, half because he shouldn't reveal too much about himself due to his job, and half because he absolutely cannot deal with the embarrassment of being known and understood.

😭 what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

nobody: i dont think nobody has cried in actual literal sweeps. he's just not a very sad man. i cant think of anything that would make him cry tbh, except maybe if his lusus died

ako: he pretends as though nothing gets to him, but ako can be a little bit of a bleeding heart when it comes to the strays he takes care of. and unfortunately, some of them are old, so when they pass, he's a bit of a wreck

👊 are they quick to violence?

nobody: not really. he's not opposed to fighting, but he won't exert effort when he doesn't have to

ako: somewhat. he doesn't start unnecessary fights (barring work-related scuffles), but he'll certainly finish them

💢 what are some habits they have that will take some getting used to?

nobody: he's very very introverted, and will simply not want to be around people all the time, even if he likes them. he will kick you out as soon as he stops feeling sociable, no ifs, ands, or buts

ako: ako might be a good talker, but he can be very dismissive, cold, and aloof towards people if he isn't interested in what they have to say. he's just. not very nice or pleasant. but it's just a side effect of him being guarded and introverted, and once you become somewhat important to him, he might ease up on his unapproachability

👪 what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?

nobody: no real family to speak on. he wasnt very familiar with his ancestor, and he has no clue if he had any descendants out there. he's very disinterested in stuff like that

ako: ako is the secret bastard child of two very famous trolls, and he's done well to stay FAR away from either family. he could only see them making his life more complicated. he prefers a life of no strings

😨 when scared, do they go into "flight" or "fight"?

nobody: flight

ako: fight

💤 do they fall asleep easily? what helps them sleep?

nobody: he falls asleep very easily. even at his age, he'll occasionally still fall asleep beside his vulture lusus. he falls asleep almost immediately if it starts preening him lmao

ako: he doesnt sleep easily, and when he does finally get to sleep, it's never for very long. the only thing that can make him sleep through the night without issue is sleeping pills, but he tries his best to only take them on rare occasions, when he REALLY needs them

[pinksapphicprincess]

(💙) 1-11, 17, 34, and 40! c:

Thanks for sending so many, love 🥰

1.Do you have any tumblr crush? If yes, @ them. @moonlight-lesbianism, @cherryykitten, and there's a few others but I'm too shy to @ them unless they do me first, and also the @ function isn't working??? EDIT: nvm it’s working XD

2.Do you like receiving flowers or do you prefer other kind of presents? I like any and all gifts. Flowers are lovely of course, but you can get me anything and I'll be so happy.

3.Receiving or giving oral pleasure? I don't know from experience of course, but honestly I like the sound of both equally.

4.What is your favourite piece of clothing? I have this super cute purple top from the brand Candie's (one of my favorite brands) that I got in plus size from Kohl's. It's so pretty, it's got flowers on it and is just so dreamy and princess-like.

5.What is your favourite dessert? Those sugar cookie with the pink frosting and sprinkles you can get at like every grocery store. Everyone hates them but me and I don't get it bc I could eat those every day they're so fucking good oh my god

6.Sweet or salty snacks? I'm always someone who leans more towards sweet than savory or salty, but with snacks it sort of depends on the mood. Most of my snacks are protein based so that means usually they're sweet.

7.What is the most unusual fantasy you have ever had? I uhh, just saw a post today about cumming in your gf's panties then making her walk around all day wearing them and I just 😳🥵 yes please

8.Sex with multiple people- turn on or off? The idea of it is a huge turn on, but honestly I think it'll be a very long time before I can actually do that. And even then it's probably only going to be with people I consider soulmates.

9.Favourite song recently? I've had Heart Beats Slow by Angus and Julia Stone and Firefly by Skyhill on repeat for the past few days, so I'd say those ^^

10.Date ideas: chilling at home or fancy restaurant? Oh that's a tough one, because I love being spoiled but I also hate leaving the house. I think it depends on the state of my mental and physical health honestly. The biggest question is whether or not the place serves salmon, because if it does that's my favorite food besides peanut butter. And knowing myself from personal experience the only thing I'll order from said fancy restaurant from that moment on is the salmon X3

11.What is your favourite colour of underwear? Pink! But like a soft pink <3

17.Booty/ titties / thighs? Thighs for sure. I love booty and titties, but something about girl's legs just has me 😵‍💫

34.Ability to fly or ability to read minds? Read minds. It would have so many benefits to it, and also I'm so terrified of heights I get heights vertigo so that's a no haha

40.Reveal one of your secrets. I don't care if it's silly. I can't listen to the OG version of Ocean Man without crying because Stephen Hillenburg's death is the only celebrity death I've ever actually cried about. He was dying from his autonomic disease at the same time I was getting my own figured out, and getting sick is the reason for my horrible mental illnesses. He contributed so much to the humor culture of several generations, especially mine, plus of course major nostalgia. So knowing that entire album by Ween (but especially that song) literally inspired so much of Spongebob, plus the fact that the movie was where the story was supposed to be done and was when he took his exit as the executive director (he'd told the story he wanted to by that point but Nickelodeon wanted to continue it since it was so financially popular). He got to end it where he wanted and did so by getting to have that song on the movie. I'm EMOTIONAL about it. And when you go on literally any video for that song (not the meme version obvs), all the comments always say "RIP Ocean Man" and I just 😭😭😭

[heliads]

lisa, honey, is the end of an era I FINISHED TEEN WOLF

honestly i can't believe it, it's been quite the journey and i wasn't ready for the end, i miss my characters what am i gonna do help

i was waiting for taylor's announcement and decided "ok, this is it, i'm gonna finish it" AND I DID AND I'M DEVASTATED

first of all, the very ending, when scott says "they're my friends... my pack" and they all walked together i was bawling my eyes out, i got so attached to all of them, i couldn't help it. i also cried SO MUCH when theo took that boy's pain because now he cares 😭😭😭😭 it was so emotional i was silently screaming on the couch

malia and scott trying to learn how to fight without seeing was incredible and i was shocked when deucalion died. peter and derek came wich was great because i missed them! OH, CHRIS ARGENT AND DEREK HALE IN BRAZIL, I SCREAMED SO LOUD, I CAN'T EVEN EXPLAIN.

the plot for 6b was really interesting btw, how fear can turn people into killers, there's a similar plot in supergirl and it's one of my favorite seasons. also, monroe was disgusting, everytime she showed up i was like "oh god, here we go again", the way she's a guidance counselor and talks about killing kids like it's killing a mosquito, she was terrible. and gerard... that man is the devil, that's all i'm gonna say

lydia and malia in the morgue was one of the best scenes of these last episodes for me, when lydia is like "pfff there's no way i'm gonna touch-" and malia just grabs her hand and place it on the corpse, i laughed so hard. i love their friendship.

now can we talk about the way that scott literally clawed his own eyes out to stop the anuk-ite from turning him into stone, i almost died. he's such an angel, he's just genuinely such a good boy i love him so much, i wanted to hug him so badly. the way malia had to kiss him later to trigger the healing process, it was really cute too.

i just think that they did my girl dirty in the last episode, lydia didn't do anything, i was sad. they spend all this time saying how her scream is extremely powerfull and everytime we get to the big fights, she never uses it. i mean, she saw malia turned to stone and literally disappeared until it was time to help scott with the eye thing, i was really upset about it

and of course, stydia. i think they forgot they made it canon, there's no other answer. i don't think they even interacted in the last episode, we were robbed. but at least stiles came back, i literally screamed when he showed up in his jeep, my dad was laughing at my excitement

chris and melissa are a great couple, i loved it for them. but i'm also curious about the movie because with allison coming back, this is going to be a gossip girl situation, but i'm here for it.

the nogitsune saying scott failed allison also broke my heart, i think i cried more than anything while watching the finale lol

well, i guess that's it, at least that's what i could remember. please tell me your thoughts, now that i'm done i'm dying to know! and about jane eyre, i'm reaching the end, she's in the moor house. she just got better and is bonding with the two other girls!

thanks for listening to me, you're really lovely <3

you finished teen wolf!! dear lord it hurts. from the season 6a ending alone i was absolutely devastated, i remember i literally had to go walk around outside for like half an hour because i couldn't take it. read into that as you will.

also, let's talk about theo's character development!! that's how you do it. he could take the boy's pain bc he had grown so much!! still makes me lose it.

no actually scott mccall deserves the world and i will never shut up about that. he is one of the honest to god best tv protagonists i've seen because he's so unselfish and kind it's insane. the clawing the eyes out thing was absolutely brutal and it killed me when i saw it.

yes, lydia was totally misused! it still bothers me that they waited so long to develop her banshee abilities and then she only used them once and twice. she could have been so powerful if she was allowed to be, which is so annoying. and yess the stydia agenda was kind of sidetracked throughout the entirety of that show. they loved teasing it but didn't actually want to show it lol.

i am fascinated to see how the teen wolf movie deals with allison. i loved that the show kept referencing her- i feel like it's super common to have a show that kills off a beloved character and then just never brings them up again? glad that wasn't the case here, but yeah allison somehow coming back from the dead is going to be bizarre.

i love your takes!! i'm so glad you liked the show, and would love to keep talking about teen wolf + future shows if given the chance. teen wolf is honestly one of my favorite shows because i felt such a strong wave of emotions throughout the entirety of it. love it and love you!!

[baeshijima]

3, 4, 9 & 10 for your fanfic When all goes wrong, fake it ( yes I do follow you on quotev and I think that's the platform where I discovered you haha ;w;)

ask game !!

A WAGWFI READER OMGHKJDSFKLSDFD ILYSM FOR BEING A READER OF IT HOLY CRAP 😭😭 (chapter 8 is in the works ;w;;; i just got distracted from making wagwfi memes and creating an outline for the new reverse isekai oc various i talked abt before :’D)

3. Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [When All Goes Wrong, Fake It] story/chapter?

ooooo !! i actually have quite a few but i cant say bc they would be spoilers for later on in the series ;w;; but from the chapters released currently, it would either be the papa raoul moments i wrote in the recent chapter (he’s trying his best and i love him for that) or when [name] slammed the door on xavier (xavier i love u but u haven’t had ur redemption arc yet <//3)

ooh ooh !! the confrontation scene between [name] and raoul is also an honourable mention !!! the emotions were high in that one 😔

4. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [When All Goes Wrong, Fake It]?

in the end of chapter 4 where raoul made his first early appearance, i actually planned to make him act colder and dismissive in line with how past [name] saw him !! it was going to be a pretty angsty end to the chapter, but then i scrapped that idea and went with the more emotional raoul ending that’s there instead. i’m glad i did bc it would’ve been awkward to try and write him the way i plan to if i went with the original ^^;;

9. If you had to assign a theme song to [When All Goes Wrong, Fake It], which would you assign?

i actually have a playlist folder on spotify that contains playlists for [name]/the fic as a whole and the love interests !! tho it’s not public yet but if i had to pick some songs (bc i’m indecisive,,,) they would probably be :

back in time — lyn

mad at disney — salem ilese

deja vu — dreamcatcher

heather — conan gray (rip og and past [name] ;w;)

look what you made me do — taylor swift

10. What is the line you’re proudest of from [When All Goes Wrong, Fake It]?

uh. can i just say the whole of the prologue,,,,

hkjdf no but i think the part that brings the most emotion and sets the tone of the whole fic is actually the prologue and i’m very proud of it ^^ “No one will ever love me, especially not when I can't even love myself.” this was also a very hard hitting line i know a lot of readers talked about KJS 😭

but another set of lines i would mention are :

“A wavering warmth embraces you, pulling and tugging you further into its smouldering affection. Eyes wide and mind blank, you can only stand frozen, arms stiff at your side as Raoul gently tucks your head into the juncture of his neck as he drops his on top of yours.

A few beats and a shuddering breath.

A trickle of warmth drops onto you in a steady trail, weaving through your hair and running down the side of your face before dipping into the juncture of your neck.

It’s not raining, so why…?

“You’re safe.” Realisation soon dawns onto you what the source of trickling warmth is. “I’m so relieved… that you’re here unharmed.”

Raoul never once cried in the novel.“

from chapter 4 ;w;;;;

and 

“If you expect me to forgive and forget the neglect you’ve put me through then you’ll find yourself sorely mistaken.” His face drains of all colour at your words, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care nor would you simply acknowledge it (you choose to blatantly ignore the fierce clench of his hands and the tremble of his lips). “A simple hug and a few tears won’t make up for the pain I’ve had to quietly endure these past years, Your Grace.”

the mc’s line in the confrontation scene from chapter 5 ;w;;;;

[kingdomhearts-and-soriku-trash]

KH 2 Playthrough pt2:

UGH nvm it’s not the scene. I have to fight Xigbar😔.

.

Oh my gosh do I HATE fighting Xigbar. Just disappearing and stuff and like fricking shooting me. Gosh his finish move almost killed me, but thankfully I have the “At least 1 HP is left after a combo,” thing on bc if not I would’ve died.

I died once and I’m so glad I beat him the second time-

.

THE SCENE!! IM AT THE SCENE😭😭.

Riku just leaving and Sora stopping him to say thanks….I bet it really hurt him-

AND THEN KAIRI REVEALING TO SORA THAT IT’S RIKU IN FRONT OF HIM!!

And then he falls to his knees and cries while holding Riku’s hand😭😭😭. Y’all I love this and I can’t wait to see Riku turn back into himself and be able to fight with him hnnng-

.

Leveling up and stuff and I just remembered the “Final Form” exits for our drive gauge, and I finally got it because I don’t think I ever got it but I’m excited now :))). Gotta level this one up and master up too. I need those jumps so I can get all of my beloved puzzle pieces and beat the game-

I mainly got it by going to Olympus and doing the Cerberus cup (even if I already beat it)

.

Leveled up my master form too and hehe I’m excited to beat the game again >:))).

.

UGHH!! The card guy made me mad but I beat him on the first try >:)). But ALSO! I talked to Riku and he said,

“Humph. Not bad, Sora. You’ve grown stronger. You don’t need my weapon, Soul Eater, or the power of the dark yet.”

Jokes on him bc Sora already has some dark power within him

.

Fighting Siax now and whenever he starts his little dusk attack, Riku grabs Kairi and covers her with him and they get pushed back. I bet they’re worried for Sora, but I found that moment between them so sweet🥺.

.

The flashback of Riku looking at Roxas collapsed on the ground in TWTNW is showing after I beat Saix. I see Riku walk up to him and he has the keyblade up in his hand, position to be thrown down onto Roxas. Idk if it was truly meant to hit him, but we see Riku hesitate and throw it to the ground beside him. Ik its probably nothing but my mind was like

“Riku never truly wanted to hurt Roxas, but he wanted Sora to wake up, so he had to hurt him and use the darkness. But when it came to actually hurting him in this way, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. A part of Sora was in there and he couldn’t imagine hurting him anymore, and he didn’t want to hurt anyone any more.”

And then when it’s clear that he truly is Sora’s nobody, Riku gives into the dark just to wake sORA UP AAAAAH-

.

“I have accepted it.”

DiZ shows up and Riku puts his hood on to avoid his gaze😭. He didn’t want anyone to look at him while he was this way-

“DiZ, he told me he could feel Sora.” (Riku)

“Oh, he told you how he “felt”, did he?” (DiZ)

“Ridiculous. A nobody cannot feel anything. If he had met Sora, things might have been different.”

AND THEN THE FLASHBACK ENDS AND RIKU’S LIKE, “Maybe I didn’t need to fight him after all. I think he left the organization because…he really wanted to meet you.”

Y’all I’m emotional over everything related to Roxas and Sora😭.

.

NOOO.

“I wish I could meet him, too.” (Sora)

HNNNG SORAAAA!!! The poor boy is going through so many emotions.

.

“The path is open. Demand is waiting up ahead. He’s the leader of Organizatjon XIII. Try not to slow me down, Sora.”

You know he’s been WAITING to say that little dig, even if he truly would do anything to help Sora-

Like tag a lightsaber hit to the side to stop it from killing Sora😭.

.

“All my research amounted to nothing, compared with that one boy’s heart.” (DiZ about Sora)

YES OUR ONE BOY IS VERY SPECIAL AND AMAZING😭💙.

.

DiZ admitting his ignorance is so good hnnng. I’m lost on the lore, but I love it when people admit they’re wrong and I love him roasting Xemnas.

ALSO! When the thing explodes, Riku dashes to everyone else and holds them back to protect them. Especially Sora. Sora runs to try to go to DiZ to help him or do something, but Riku stops him and GOSH I LOVE RIKU!!!

.

“And just who were you trying to fool? Huh? Huhhh?” (Sora to Riku)

“Myself.” (Riku)

Y’all I’m losing it😭😭😭. And the way Sora looks so sad immediately after that.

“C’mon, man! Why did you try to do so much on your own? You got friends…like us!” And everyone smiles to him and it’s all so sweet because Sora is reminding Riku of his friends and how he is cared for-

And then Riku replies, “Have you forgotten? I’ll tell you why. ‘Cause I’m not a total sap like you.”

He just had to make a joke and slightly ruin the sweet moment😂.

.

Sora seeing the heartless problem and immediately going, “What do we do, Riku?”

He has someone else to rely on now, and doesn’t have to only think by himself and he’s getting someone else’s opinion and plan….I love our boy😭.

.

Okay that’s enough for one post so✌️.

[klahadores]

Heyy dw anon here. hope you’re doing good! Bit late on this review as my uni started up again and I am swamped already. but anyway. Episode 5. Want to preface this by saying I did really enjoy the episode. I am just a bit irritated with our girl Bernadette.

That being said loved the Chee and Bern moments. The whole she dated Elvis reveal had me gaping at my TV like??Damn Girl ok?? Thanks for sharing or good for you or? The writers are really trying to embrace the time period in the funkiest way possible!

Blond man is still being awful, Joe should have scalped him and called it a day but nooo some dumbass had to let Gordo drive the dude ALONE at NIGHT like ofc he escaped, who is surprised raise your hand! Need him executed asap.

then the whole thing with Dean was soso sad but so well done. His words to Bern about them not even being recognized as Americans obviously shook her entire worldview a bit.. and her giving him the necklace and a hug was soooo :((( her internal turmoil over Dean and the draft is so much worse in context with her border patrol job too like Bern I know you want to move up the ladder or whatever the fuck but jfccc get a gripppp. Atp I am genuinely concerned she’s going to leave like don’t you fucking dare!!

Like I get it. I do. Glass ceiling on the rez and all that. maybe she feels trapped (tho if that’s actually the case I would have liked the show to make that more obvious beyond her just saying “I want to find my own way”) And having modern day context for how shit the US border patrol is and how badly women and especially woc are treated in white-male dominated professions (and this is happening in 1971 to boot) helps to make it seem like she’s making an even worse decision if she goes. to me it’s a no brainer, I’m staying. But I really just think Bern doesn’t know any of that, or at least choses not to acknowledge it. Like she saw what happened to Jim in the FBI, come on now. and he warns her too this episode, “-I can come back” “Can you?” *silence*. He almost didn’t get to come back! Bern fr needs to make a weighted decision matrix and figure out her decision that way bc I think the lack of sleep is starting to affect her cognitive activity.

Anyway. Sorry for being a downer this week irl shit combined with the fact that the finale of s1 wasn’t exactly happy is giving me a creeping feeling that ep6 will be a rough one. Hopefully I’ll be wrong and we’ll actually get to see everyone experiencing happiness on our screens, but we’ll see!

everyone dont moveeeee, dark winds anon is back.

OKAYYY so we were a litttleeee off in our predictions HOWEVER I will say, in my heart I know what is chrew. that small scene of them sitting on the floor of her living room…….I currently live there in that moment nobody break the immersion for me. yeah, it was kinda weird for them to say that like at first I thought she was joking but no mames, she was actually being serious 😭

literallyyyyy not a bootlicker or whatever but iirc, cops follow a two buddy rule system so like, the fact that gordo probably gave himself the task of driving this sick son of a bitch on his own by himself bc #ego like omfg shut UP take someone with you, idiot 🙄 it’s like every time they try to shoot at the suspect and never shoot at the tires…these people are making the WORST decisions like if I were in that university, that blond man would nottt have escaped. we’d do a better job than the police -_-

omfgggg that part with dean and bern now THAT….moment of silence bc I almost cried LOL sorryyyy the emotions got to me again. if this was meant to push her into the border patrol route, oh, I’m shaking my fist because what is this show without miss. bernadette manuelito?? like, I’m really scratching my head at some of the decisions that are being made in this season. a part of me respects the route they’re taking, there are parts that I do love, and other parts where it makes me look around the room and wonder what everyone is thinking.

this show has always been bold in its message and like you said, I wish they had pressed more into those issues and leaned into the reasonings. I just don’t want bern to become some weird girlboss whedon strong girl because she’s always had that strength within her. it never had to do with the job, it’s about who she is as a person. exactlyyyy like why did she even apply in the first place when she saw the chokehold the government had on jim…….we need to go back to the drawing board…maybe a nap and a sandwich will do her some good 🙏🏽

don’t apologize for anything, babe!! we won’t always dig every single episode. it can be frustrating as well when it’s a show that you care about and they slip a bit and you’re like I know you’re better than this, girl 🤨 to me, I blacked out and only remember the jimbern moments bc the rest I was like, okay, we’re setting things up but I’m yawning a bit. finale day, everyone. and to those who already saw it on amc+, should I prepare for trench warfare or,,..

[boyfhee]

OKAY IM BACK 🤩🤩 ( after some self reflection on my attachment to take two ) NGL I DIDNT EXPECT YOU TO GIVE ME A SHOUTOUT OR EVEN FOR ME TO HELP PLAY A PART ( even if its a teeny tiny bit ) IN THE ENDING ??? you can literally imagine my surprise when i opened the app after a goodnight sleep to see a new update and mentions of me in the a/n 😭😭 the ending was so fhdjsnjsnsks BITTERSWEET. it was so nice to know that they all found comfort in each other ultimately ( despite it not turning into something romantic wise at that moment ) and being such good friends ?? it really shows their growth as characters which behaved selfishly to ones that were willing to accept each others shortcomings whole heartedly ( at least imo ) . although yn doesnt have an endgame (cries cos my imaginations were running wild at the slightly open but not so open ending if you get what i mean ) , it feels very realistic that wonki hasnt moved on yet — especially since this happens a lot irl ( i never experienced it before but ive seen my friends go through it ! ). i think it was a very well written ending considering how you couldnt make everyones wishes come through ( talking about the readers choice of endgame ) but yet still delivered one of satisfactory level. it was such a wild ride watching ynki make every mistake we as humans could make. miya was truly a test - she was testing my patience half the time 💀💀💀. but miya also serves as a reminder to everyone of how easily it is to unknowingly cheat on your partner without having to lay a single hand or even touch the person. emotional cheating is JUST AS BAD AS PHYSICALLY CHEATING IF NOT WORST ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ i kinda feel bad (?) for wonki though because even though they were given closure and time to heal, it always felt more like a right person wrong time kind of thing so they will never be able to properly move on imo. IT MAKES ME EVEN SADDER THAT IT FEELS LIKE YN GETS THE HAPPY ENDING AND WONKI GOT A HAPPY ENDING TOO BUT IT COMES WITH A CHANCE THAT THEY MIGHT NEVER BE ABLE TO GET ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH YN EVER AGAIN. its really giving “ feels like we have matching wounds but mines still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine “ < the exit - conan gray >

okay i feel like i should stop here before i get carried away and keep repeating the same points but more aggressively with each sentence 🥶🥶 i was actually a pure literature student before i graduated from school and its been a while since i had graduated so it was really fun to be able to make analysis on characters again as well as figure out plots through diction 🤩🤩 i cant thank you enough for writing take two because it gave me a chance to put my literature to good use, it wouldve been a real shame if i studied so hard just for me to never use it ever again. thank you thank you thank you thank you.

please have a good rest and all the best for your studies ! i had national exams last year and it absolutely beat the crap out of my brain 😭😭 had me tearing at every math question and feeling hella defeated. its going to be tough but you can do it !! take as long as you need for your break ! you absolutely deserve it after dropping that bombass smau 😩😩😩😩 i will look forward to your return with full excitement ! take care ~

- 🎐 ( its been a pleasure being one of take twos biggest fans - self proclaimed )

WINDCHIME ANON HEHE HELLO 💗💗 no bc a shoutout was a must bc ur ask helped me pick the direction i wanted to go with the ending. and i was so scared bc ppl were hoping for a ynwon ending but i gave them kind of nothing i was like 'what if they dont like' BUT FUCK IT BC IN MY EYES YN DOESNT DESERVE A HAPPY ENDING JUST YET . tbh the whole point of the friends part was that they were willing to give their relationship another try despite the mistakes, call that character development. and miya was created solely to tell people how important communication is. none of this would've happened if riki told yn about miya, if yn told him ab meeting miya, if riki told yn ab his plan, the communication was gone on so many levels. the thing that ruined ynki, if you ask me, was the lack of communications. not miya, not jungwon, not media, not fans, but yn and riki themselves. SO CHIYUV NATION, COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY. ALWAYS. take it from me i love clearing things out and it always ends well unless u start phrasing things wrong ( dont do it )

AND ANON WE R GETTING A PART TWO WITH SEPARATE ENDINGS let ur imagination run wild again ☝️☝️ that conan gray lyrics r so ksdjfhhs fits so well fr. AND OMG HI FELLOW LIT. STUDENT i had science but also had eng on the side, spent my youth editing drafts and analysing proses and poetry it was fun . everyday i think about ur asks ab take two and it makes miso happy (sunghoon hi) bc they rlly made my day U ARE THE BIGGEST TAKE TWO FAN i will give u that medal 🥇

[thegraveyardjohnsongrey]

April 2021

April: Convos of the Day

+ Started Cera Ve Overnight Cream + Getting Water intake back togetha + G Little’s IG Reveal! + First Time Working out at Cortland 2 Floor Gym!

+ started doing fruit/oat bowls again + #Wicked4Whitney “My Future is Unlimited” + Caden’s 1st Birthday & Baptism in Kissimmee !!!!!!!! + Set Gym Schedule for Cortland! + Back to Jurassic World on Netflix? 

Said no and created boundaries (tina - health law paper)

Stay away from ranch? (Black pepper?) ORRRR sarku Japan (?) had bad reaction day of 4/22 from day before

4.1.21

Body: Noticing a sexier slimmer back (that goes down to my waist) - which is surprising, considering my workout plan has been non existent the past month. Also loving my smooth skin (knock on wood), my former chest, and my tan from the pool day  

+ As always, I love waking around during errands and making myself laugh

Dropping off errands to tita emma and tita Cris. It always gives me a weird feeling bc it reminds me that time is passing and we’re all getting older. 

It’s not that I’m ungrateful or anything. It just makes me reminded that I just want my own life. I want my own space, I want my own routine. I want to be beholding something that’s mine. And I’m just not doing it quite yet. I want a job and a commute and routine thats lie and makes me excited Bc it’s mine. And I want to be fulfilled in having my own life and a new group of friends to have and rely on and like.. idk. I just think it’s passed my time here in Tampa and I think I’m just ready to experience something new. Whew, 2018 me, whats good 

4.2.21

+ Tommy making the lineage diagrams was pretty cool 

+ So Emotional by Whitney Houston is such a slept on bop

+ My chest be looking good in this light blue workout shirt 

+ Getting into your clean car when you forgot it was cleaned is such a satisfying feeling 

I can’t wait to work again one day. To have a stable source of income again. I meant granted I know it will come with us own fair share of bullsht. And that eventually I’ll get sick of acting like I have it all together and that stress is a normal thing to suffer from in a legal office. But... idk. Theres Something about me being excited to prove that I’m indispensable and that I’m valuable to a legal team. I can’t wait for it. (And that first paycheck, gurl)z

I think what I did msyelf really insecure about these days is not having the means to throw down money whener I want to. Or to buy whatever I reasonable thing I’d like to at a given moment. I mean sure, I can buy my little sum sum or my Glittle his tiki. But there’s just the weird not-right feeling that — yes, it’s my money that I’ve saved - but it came from my parents. So I really just feel like I’m spending my parents money. Which, actually yes I am. But. Gah. I guess I just miss not feeling guilty about spending - bc I know that I earned it and that I ***suffered*** for it lmao 

+ Feeling amazing after I journaled and revised my March 2021 journal entry 

+ Playing with Caden and everyone in the home; watchijg caden walk circles and explore while we laugh at his antics 

+ Reallzing now what makes people old - and that is - when they gotta focus all their attention on their career and bodily health (Aka less on fun and being reckless 😭) I understand now 😭😭😭

4.3.21

“Let it live. But let it live in the past.”

Energy spent trying to remove it from memory and to convince yourself it wasn’t real. Well, it was real for you. And it made you happy. And there’s no denying the butterflies you still get when you revisit it. But there’s also a part of you that is now ready to move on with the idea - that you can have these things. You can enjoy these things and appreciate them. But only from where they exist. And that’s in the past”

Omg my new leather bag from Dan!!! Totally sick 

4.4.21

+ G-Littles IG Reveal awwww

The nerves/being on edge about jokes going well lol about RV being “scarred” - also the Psis are really funny wtf lol 

4.5.21 + Got $8 from my Plato’s Closet 

+ FT w Shawntel being a little weird but that’s also bc it went really late and im just tired lol #Publix?? #Absolutely Not #ForMyHealth 

There’s this weird feeling that I can’t seem to shake off. Where… I’m happy bc - looking back I know that ive accomplished so much - and that ive lived out so much and done so much- but I can’t seem to shake off the feeling that Im not as hpy as. I once was> And I think that has a lot to do with the fact that my life is at a stand-still and im kinda left to my own thoughts and my own critiques of where I am in life - and thats constantly replaying in my head. And im at a time where everything that set studying or interviewing or working on apps is hindering my progress and my life. its just a tough spot to be. And I wish I were out of it. Because while im here, I can’t help but feel like the best days of my life are behind me and that everything else is moving on and changing without me. Without my input or participation. 

Whitney Houston, Demi Lovato, etc.

“I feel like a star who’s light has dimmed. Like a star that’s run it’s course.”

Everyone is allowed to have different seasons 

“This isn’t it” - there’s lots of life and love and projects to be had”

4.6.21

Mayo = Joshs trigger word #CincoDeMayo

Purged & dusted my closet 

Found $16 Target gift card from 2006; used it for my eyebrow pencils

Vacuumed mommy’s car 

+ Cold Shoulder Ep 3 with LongLee

“It is so important to remember your best days, on your worst ones. -> importance of “Words of Aff” and why I made them; kinda wish I had done them regularly in undergrad when I had tours and asian community and a seemingly endless abundance of affirmation; but I know that I wrote the most important ones down and maybe.. maybe the best ones are the relevant ones. And I probably don’t need to gas myself up more than I need to haha

4.7.21

+ Boba Lounge with LongLee

+ “I’m not going cold or being cynical; I’m just trying not to over romanticize love and the idea of it” —- thank God I went through that. If I had to go through that, I had to go through it. I keep debating with myself if I was someone who “deserved” to have gone through that. But I do. I feel like that’s futile bc it happened anyway. Maybe life had to humble me down and provide me with a more realistic picture of human love and relationship. And now that the filters and fluff are off, I’m realizing that:

I don’t want it lmao 

“Remember that Jean Grey’s transformation into the Dark Phoenix happened over time”

4.8.21

string of bad luck just trynna get to Ates gym after dropping off mom. BAD LUCK FTW #HumbleLiving amirite 

“Be obsessed with your progress, and not with what you have left”

One part can not be loud enough for the whole thing (earbud problems. Stupid mplow)

+ burned 200 Calotes in under 20 min (and 600 overall at the Cortland 2 Floor Gym! Will most def be back. Haha) - Lo fi while music is definitely the vibe (lets me know Issa time to be productive henny!)

4.8.21

+ Full & Productive azz day 

+ “Do you miss being young it hopeful?” - something about Greek probate / reveal videos. Something about being young and having everything waiting in front of you 

Not feeling the weight of the real world , or the mundane repetitiveness of the average day 

Goal: to have fun and to find youthful hope in my reality as a working adult 

4.10

Waiting and wishing so hard for my next thing in life. I’m so tired of feeling like I’m mourning the shadow of a life I once lived. One with excitement, optimism, and memories, progress, growth, and evolution. It wasn’t to a point where I was suicidal or anything, but it was definitely a time in my life where inwas like, “wow. Life is not exciting at all.”

I really really really hope that by next Christmas I allow myself to enjoy the season’s festivities. I hope that- no matter where I am in my paralegal/pre-law school journey, that I can still find a moment to reflect on what’s truly important and how to celebrate the people in my life. 

These days, I feel like it’s so hard to just sit still- and to enjoy the moment. Im so wrapped up and obsessed with trying to build my career as my life - and it’s like this constant and endless video that plays in y head of how far I have left and how hard it’s going to be. And I’m always having this voice that tells me how much time is passing and much I’m losing in the meat of it. 

But I don’t want that to be the case. I’ve learned that if it wasn’t one thing, jt will be another. And contrary to my own romanticism times before, I’ve always had SOME form of stress to eat away at me. And now that we have bigger responsibilities and bigger things to deal, I want my coping mechanisms and my forms of personal management to be just as healthy and responsible

I’m not a kid anymore. And I don’t want to be. I can’t say I’m 100% adult yet either (even tho I’m 25 lol)— but I still won’t let that sense of displacement shake me. Am I too young? Am I too old? — bEtch maybe I’m both. And today is the day I would like to stop attacking myself and allowing my own fears to make me insecure. 

We are going forward. whether we like it or not. Whether how far is up to us. Whether it’s in the direction or way we want, that is also up to yes. Maybe not completely, but. When we make it - one day - 

We will know that we will have played a significant role in that success.

PDPsi, CFCY USF, Concordia, SPC/Raving. All of that stuff is behind us now. And we honor it best when we step into the next phase of our life- stronger, Wiser, and more Judsy than ever.

Let’s try a different approach? 

Somethings I don’t want to feel rn:

Like I messed things up with S and that it was my fault (and my fault alone) that it ended. And along with it everything that could have been and what made me happy 

That everyone’s lives are moving on and changing without me. And that I’m here yet again - wasting time and making progress so small that it doesn’t matter 

That I’m fat and out of shape and unlovable 

That I’m wasting my potential 

That I’ve always been naive about life and too optimistic about a God who could care less about me, bc he doesn’t exist 

That it’s up to me to make my own happiness. That happiness is something you convince yourself you have - and not something you genuinely experience 

Calling: to take an active and combative role in steering my thoughts and where I slow them to go and make me feel 

At the moment, I feel very frozen in my disposition. I’ve been finding lately that I don’t have a lot of regular motivation - LOL. And that it really is my default state to just.... sit in contemplation and comfort. Lol. it’s really only until the last minute when I feel the pressure of time winding down that I really start moving. 

But here’s the thing

I wanna start viewing my days as investments again. 

I wanna see my days and weeks as tools I sing to build a tomorrow that’s I want to see

I’m not going to stay here forever 

And if I pity myself and let fear swallow me alive, I KNOW that’s how I will stay here forever. 

And I’m not doing it. 

I want to view my days with purpose, investment, and opportunity. 

Not as things to just “get through” or be over with. But to really put fort my best. Whatever that looks like  

4.11.21 + me feeling a rush from having a new bag and filing “productive and professional” and shiiiii —> feeling like machine; thinking about what Allyson stoner said about being a money-making machine at such a young age and having money generation as the top thing on your mind; “pardon my confusion, but. I thought life was about living - not about money making”

+ would really like to be healthy/hot/fit AF for my next festival (will it be in 2022? EDC? We don’t know. But please have law apps done by then!!! *fingers crossed) + reviewing old paralegal stuff is nice (ordinances, statutes, writing, etc.) 

why do I have so much anxiety over how people see me and think of me? Well let me rephrase. Why do I 

Maybe it’s something that I feel I actually have control over. Maybe it’s something I’ve always wot I’ve excelled at. Interpersonal skills, meeting with people, creating a bind with them, and perfecting how I come across. Maybe I’m so obsessed with it Bc it’s the only fmaklaor thing that I feel that I have. And maybe it’s time to take healthy steps in alleviating that insecurity

4.12.21

+ First Day going back to weights 

contrary to what we might think, the “heavy” weight we put on actually doesnt make us look all that bad. I mean granted, we’re bot as “lean” as we were in Jan and Feb (Aka the onset of “Abs”) BUT- out arms and biceps were starting to look MAD nice after our pump! Haha. Maybe this idea to focus on arms for the next 2 months (and less on eating “Minimal” calories won’t be such a bad idea)

4.13.11

Health Notes: Skin has improved SIGNIFICANTLY from increased and ample water intake (gallon a day) - very smooth and less irrritated 

Concerns still: dry hair and uneven skin (even though skin is b soft and smooth)

Ya def add a little eyebrow on top to add more for nights out or Special occasions 

5 responses from South America/Philippines story 

7 hour lunch catchup w Kyle!!!!! - maybe God showing me that my situation wasn’t all that bad; and that maybe my having lack of conviction from S was actually a blessing (can you imagine howbmichbharderbjtnwoidve been if you were in kyles shoes???? From the outside looking in, she sounded like the perfect MATCH for him. I hope he’s ok. As much as we were laughing and trolling I could tell he was listening in on the parts where I was serious and warning him against falling for someone who doesn’t exist (whomp me and my experience). But anyway it was really nice t catchup w Kyle. Even tho I could feel my social battery lowering throughout, I’m really happy that I have a friend lie Kyle who WANTS to hangout with me and make time to see me and catchup with me. Someone who I have so much history with and was REALLY my first new and close friend at USF. Anyway rooting forward him and his future!!! He’s got his nursing degree in the bag, and I’ve got mine coming soon w law!! To Coachella 2023!!!!!!!! #lol 

Dissatisfied with the way I look. Especially my face. I’m kind sad that I don’t see the sharper and more defined face that I saw from July - January. I’m kinda bummed that I feel like all my progress from Pandemic is now gone and that I literally look more or less the same since last year (my insecurities tell me that I’m fatter bc I’m older and/or bc my body rebounding from losing so much weight the first time around). Well either way, 

Was really happy with my skin color after my shower! Dare I say.. it looked... smooth? And shiny? But I really wanna help my skin and my face. And make it look less “tired” and worn out. Most of my insecurity about my face come from it being discolored, uneven, dry, and scarred :( (oh, and fat. But I guess that isn’t a skin concern lol)

Things that kinda weight me down rn:

being over Grk life and my quick obsession with it 

Not being close to rna 

Being fat again and feeling like all my progress is gone 

Law school apps, NALA 

S 

Feeling like I won’t be excited again the way I was from festivals and 2019 (lol super dumb, I know) - why do I always over romanticize the season I’m not in?

Allergies: actually had a small reaction from black pepper, skin is red and irritated (like purply) and sensitive. Like the usual burning sensation. I also have a headache and wonder if that could be from allergies? But also could be from needing water?

4.14.21

Health/Appearance: Low Taper Fade with Triangular bush-up; how to grow out hair evenly again? 

Aino Men’s Fashion ideas (pero unfollowed on IG bc it didn’t give me anything on the regular LOL)

New shampoo!

Revamp overnight routine! Started with Cera Ve overnight cream, but would also like to start eye cream

“What if you had a choice to choose what reality you lived in?”

What if, this singular plane of existence, IS the multiverse. It is a multiverse - simply foe the fact that it is comprised of different realities - in the minds of millions of people. 

“What if you had a choice? What if you had that power?” What if you saw it? What if you used it?”

“I choose to live in THAT one”

4.16.21

+ feeling persistent waves of happiness and relief and pride and joy #NALA #Alowingyourself just to feel good 

+ feeling myself after my haircut #Brows #ChapstickLips #SilverGrayOutfit #BodyOdy

Cool Airbnb and vacay vibes!!!!! ✌🏽 

Lil & Glil bonding and partying it up 🥺💙

2021: The Year that I ... found a greater appreciation for my time as a Greek in undergrad and for all that it’s brought me after. Closer friendships with Josh, Calvin, and Thomas. A greater understanding and deeper bond w Greek friends, and my little and GLil! I think through Derick picking up Harvey, I found yet another appreciation of my time in PDP and how much I made out of undergrad. After everything and looking back, I really don’t regret making that last minute decision to go to rush and pledging/crossing when I crossed. I wouldn’t have the lineage I do now without it, and so if that isn’t a reason to trust Gods timing and how much meaning He can bring to your situation then idk what 

4.17.21 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CADEN!!!!!!!!!

Honestly, im having so much time just being here with family. Relaxing, enjoying the vacation vibes - laughing, eating, not being compressed by a time or pressure to be anywhere. Just - being!  lol. I wonder if this is how God meant for people to live once in a while (hashtag Sundays?) Also anyway, can we just. Talk about how cool this house and backyard is?????? Qorl. 4 Playstations, a themed rooms, a TV in each one, a bomb jazz backyard. Like uhm??. AND. EVERYONE gets a bathroom. Im like— !!!!! UHM? lol. wow. Like this is a vacay home. Enjoying the mf pool and the bomb jazz backyard! LIKE WOW RICH. I felt so bougie and relaxed and on a high from enjoying the sun lol. Being on instagram, enjoying people’s reactions from my WAP video, out wholesome story about Caden’s duck pool party….. I felt such a swelling of happiness and joy that Caden/everyone had so much fun from the Ducy pool!!!! aww. WORTH EVERY CENT, TBH. And Caden can share it with Liana!

Frustration and annoyance w having to deal with the company of the sm*hs. are they hard to work with, yes. Does it make loving them hard, yes.

But I think. When we think about the world and much God actually loves, and how there are many reasons why it shouldn’t work in our favor - and yet it still does, we should operate from a place of gratitude. And being grateful is serving as an extension of His grace. That is the challenge and that is the stuff of life, isn’t it 

+ Sirius XM radio is IT henny 

Soul cycle radio and their top 40 trap top 40 and throwback hits??? WOw

Happy Baptism Caden!!!!

Caden’s Baby Raddle Rosary was a success!!!!!! #daww 

Enjoyed backyard and vacation vibes once again!

Green lizard 🤢🤢 #TitoToTheRescue 

Mickey Ice cream with ate Lee #MickeysSyrawBERRYgoodicecream

lowkey highkey burned myself 

LOVING my face and my nose and my eyebrows and my cheekbones. Even though I KNOW I’m getting rounder and putting on more weight from my diet, I still love how I look and how I’m “rocking” the petite and chonky aesthetic 

Going to start dieting and working out again for May!

I have a lot to be thankful for, Dont i?

I really can’t believe how fast he’s learning and growing and HOW CUTEEEEE HE ISSSS

Pa Cute 

Ash Whole 

Toll toll TIKA

body parts: beautiful eyes, tongue, hands, feet, tummy etc 

Is it selfish of me to be fulfilled in every way in the sense of my family, but am never satisfied in terms of feeling lonely? 

“Is this not enough to convince you that I love you? And mean every ounce of joy for you? In the way that I had always dreamed and intended?”

I doubt the idea of what Gods image of joy is for me a lot, simply bc I’ve been hurt. And I’ve been discouraged from trying to convince myself that I like Gods idea of joy for me. And sometimes I’m just not convinced.  

“Why was I made to disobey you?” /// “You were made to choose me from Grace.”

Pinky Analogy - shower door handle - could not by itself open the shower door. Questioning the ability of my kinky and why it could bot - by itself - enact what I needed it to do in that moment. And by the time I have it 4 seconds of angry thought, I came to the realization: is this fair ? 

I thought about how much expectations I placed into this one singe part of my bday - one that is (to my knowledge) fully able - and completely placing all of my anger on this one pinky - not even considering how my arm was angled, where I was pulling from, if I had even the right part of the handle TO pull. This brought me to the realization that: we do that all the time I’m society. Ensuring that everyone recognizes the power of their presence and role - and to not blame things on one particular thing. Maybe it’s time we stop placing the weight of a community on an individual- maybe we ought to refrain from .. what SHOULD be the weight and responsibility of a community. One that is healthy vibrant and functioning. (Br 

Grace depends on what we do based on what we know. In times when we KNOW something is off, and can recognize our role in it, that is when we can be loving instruments. Instruments of Grace, forgiveness, and patience 

officially weigh 180 :( LMFAO * as of 4/20 evening • I feel very guilty for gaining weight and having erased all my progress from the past 4 months. BUT if anything: im also hoping top use this time to experiment and focus on biceps, chests, and thighs --- I wanna see if doing more weights will improve my appearance more than doing mostly cardio!!!!!

Although I’ve lowkey been feeling my “thick” aesthetic, i dont want to wait until i get to appoint where i absolutely loath the image i see in the mirror. BUT at the same time I wanna get a head-start on being the healthiest version of me again! Im happy that vacation time has really given me a time to relax and to enjoy and to indulge! But now its time to get back on the other season of life - which is to find balance and grind and to fill myself with motivation! 

ALSO I AM 175/180 AS OF APRIL 20TH OMG WTF

Maybe we need not weigh ourselves down by everything we’ve done in the past. 

Maybe we are allowed to move on- free of any expectations that we might’ve set for ourselves and what our lives should look like by now 

I wonder what would life would look like without my worries. I wonder what life what feel like free

4.21.21

I hate it when I dip into my lows. 

I hate it... when I feel like all my motivation has run out. And.. when all my doubts kinda sneak up on me and attack me all at once. Like it’s been waiting until I’m tired and worn out to pounce. 

I hate feeling like all my best days are behind me, and that there’s nothing else that will give me the excitement and feelings of importance i once had before. I hate seeing what others are currently doing (or have already done) in the undergrad years and comparing it to mine - a journey that I thought was so fitting and perfect and FULL- only to now feel like my story isn’t going anywhere anymore and that my story wasn’t all that great , and that I could’ve a lot more make my undergrad experience even BETTER (at least professionally).

(S hall of fame, that lambda Hal of fame, Vitoria yang 25 under 25)

I hate having this same story of worry, dread, guilt, and fear.

I hate whenever I feel like I’m “dumb” for having hope that I’ll get into Nova or anyother  law school out there, and I hate feeling like people will look down on me for wanting this the past 3 years- yet still amounting to nothing. 

I hate when I convince myself that every victory I’ve had so far in my post-grad journey doesnt matter. 

I hate feeling like my story isn’t going anywhere soon.

I hate having to put a name to all of the anxiety in my head and all of the weight in my heart. 

I hate that I fear that I will never make my parents or my siblings proud - and that I won’t be able to give back to them in the same way that have endlessly done so for me.

I hate that I feel like I’m never growing up (at least — not in the way I shoul have been right now)z

I hate that this has robbed me of time, confidence, and gratitude. I hate that it robs me of joy, and I hate that I feel like less of myself whenever I’m in pain bc of these doubts.

I hope to look back on all of this and to smile and to be proud of a Judsy that never gave up.

Paralegal Career

So in my current regime of YouTube playlists, I have lots of things: self-improvement videos, the View, Social experiments, fitness and cooking videos, Relationship advice, EDM, Zach Campbell music reviews, etc. And most esp right now is the Paralegal Career advice ones! 

4.22.21

+ Overall, getting better at being more straight to the point and less wordy; I recognize now how truly TIRING it is to have to look at a huge chunk of passage and feeling compelled to read all of it(unless its like super interesting). getting straight tot the point is actually a very important thing and it’s actually very professional and efficient. As a potential future lawyer (or any kind of legal professional) in the future, this is something that I want to practice and perfect as time goes on 

+ Got 65 wpm on typingtest.com #yey lol 

Feel so weighed down by living at home!!!!

Let me put the disclaimer up front: that I love my life at home and I love my family 

But I can’t express enough how - it is SO effing hard to set boundaries and a pace for yourself A when you SHARE that space and schedule with other people. ESP your family! 

Conversation of 

I pride myself on being a joyful person and a a an optimistic one (by default). But lately the conversations that I’ve been having in my head is: Who am I when I’m not that? And will people still want to be around me when I’m not that? 

Skin being irritated and not happy w me - confidence going down and feeling all my efforts are to waste 

But I dnt want my confidence and my ego to be so MF fragile!!! Like ugh

Talk about tree of knowledge 

omg Thomas tea (but I’m really happy we talked 🥺) it’s been so long since we genuinely caught up and it was really nice to have that with lammy again

“Where is my reward” - Shawntel 

4.24.21

+ Beach Day for TD Bday 

+ Mortal Kombat with the Calotes & Smiths and Long 

+ Putting Caden to sleep after dad was having trouble 

+ FT w Little 

4.25.21

I don’t want you to feel bad. 

I think that this is a time about accountability? Not feeling bad. I don’t think much good can come from placing your mental default at sad. And discouraged. 

I think what recognize how important these next few months are going to actually be, and I think that we’re realizing how much we actually don’t want to drop the ball on this. 

Action & accountability. This is going to be the mental state that is going to drive us from May into June. 

Also looking forward to Dose #2 on Friday! 

Sometimes I feel lonely, and I think that’s ok. Sometimes .. sometimes you have to remind yourself that not every waking moment needs to feel like a perfect high or a smooth movie. Haha I think I often forget that’s normal 

“When will you give yourself peace?”

I think there comes a point where you HAVE to be ok with what you can give. Like... that’s the most destructive part of being a perfectionist isn’t it? Like... hat feeling of wherever you do or whatever you put forward- HAS to be perfect and it HAS to be flawless 

And as much as that offers a lot of drive and inspiration for you along the way, I think there comes a point where you have to be ok with the occasional limitation and how that affects your performance. Like girl 

Sometimes you just gotta do it.

And so I’m proud of you today. I know that you’ve been feeling down a lot about your body and all the obstacles that stand in the way of you working out as much as frequently as you used to. And how all the birthdays and fun festivities have been making you feel like you haven’t been studying or working on applications and doing anything productive, really.

But babe, celebrating life is productive.. celebratory your family is Productive

So be gentle. don’t beat yourself up for having lost time. God replaces what has been lost, and you most certainly have all that much time to improve and to grow and to be on the right track 

Embrace every moment as it comes, and remember that right now is a time of accountability not punishing or belittling yourself.

Being harder on yourself than life is not going to make life any lighter. 

It’s all about action, accountability, peace, and acceptance. 

I’m proud of you. Those 500 calories burnt on the treadmill were FIRE as all Fuq. And you look good while doing it.

Have fun at universal with the Vus tomorrow :)

4.26.21

vent to cam about being sick and tired of such a “meh” season in my life 

Happy I got to see the development of the Velocicoaster today :’) - I CANT WAIT TO RIDE IT ONE DAY

Happy I got to see Caden and laugh and play w him today. He is getting so effing bug (like - a REAL adult sized toddler boy!) and my heart can’t take how sweet and smart he is :’(

Looking forward to the days when I know I’ve been accepted to law school. And knowing that my life will have a set direction again. I feel like it will be such a sweet peace. And tbh I can’t wait to wild out and to celebrate all my tears and worry and freedom from all this old fcking anxiety 

Thinking about how the things I say about P*lina echoes advice that I ought to listen to as well: Your trauma is not your fault, but your healing is.

Maybe it’s time to start waking up at 7 and giving myself more time to do/fit more  into my day! — ESP if I feel that family/mom is a large distractor of those things 

“An artist sometimes never gets to choose how their day goes. But, for the sake of people’s enjoyment and foe the fulfillment of that artist soul — they grind through it. They make a way. And somehow they make it work”

4.28.21

uhm. Why tf am I not on the website? I understand if I were a volunteer or whatever, but the fact that im on the actual board and am actually putting in time for this and submitting things - and I don’t even get a formal recognition on the website? Like not even a picture? ok. 

[the-scarlet-witch-22]

Hello!!!

Happy Valentine's day 💖 I hope your rehearsals are going well and that you and Jerry are officially besties!! You're a pisces moon?!? I'm a pisces sun so I'm also emotional, hence why i cry at anything i find beautiful 😂😭

I'm seeing Into the Woods on Thursday and I'm so excited! I hope you've been able to see some more live performances! Also J'Nai Bridges, the woman who played Delilah in the performance of Samson and Delilah that i saw just announced she's also going to be playing Carmen in Carmen in Chicago!! I sadly won't be able to see it, but if there are promo videos I'll send them your way!!

Also, that pic of your doggo is so cute😍!!! And the bouquet of flowers your gf got you are so beautiful!!!! Anyways, I hope you have a happy Valentine's and a great rest of the week! We're finally getting some sunshine in Seattle and I hope you're getting some too!!

-paganini anon

P.S. here's a cute lil Valentine's day song to add to your playlist of the day: Salut D'Amour

P.P.S idk if the song link actually worked, but it's the Itzhak Perlman version!

Hi Paganini Anon!

Happy (late) Valentine’s Day! 💗 I hope you had a wonderful day.

Ahhh thank you! We’re performing Brahms for our next concert- I’m so excited! And thank you 😌 Jerry is an icon. Yes, I’m a Pisces moon!! Ahh a fellow Pisces- I’ve always thought that Pisces are one of the best Zodiacs tbh.

Ooo Into the Woods! I hope you have a fantastic time on Thursday, I’m so excited for you!! Pls tell me all about it (if you want to haha). That’s so funny that you brought up Carmen bc a friend and I were just talking about it!! I’m going to have to look up J’Nai Bridges!! I’m considering buying tickets to see Hilary Hahn in a few months. She’s performing a Bach recital that sounds amazing and I would do anything for her tbh.

Ah thank you 😭 Charlie is full of energy and so crazy but I love her. And thank you omg, she surprised me with them and I legit cried lmao. Aw thank you sm, it was really nice and peaceful- my gf and I actually watched an episode of WandaVision!! I’m so glad y’all are getting some sunshine in Seattle! We had some sun earlier in the week and now it’s gloomy again 😭

The p.s. awww!! I think my mobile tumblr app hates me and wouldn’t open the link but I love Itzhak AND Salut d’amour!! I learned that in college around Valentine’s Day for a recital lab I think. Ahh thank you, this made my day. Thank you as always for the asks, I hope you’re having a great week! 💜✨

[70slesbian]

(in that therapy anon from earlier) ohhh i was thinking about psychodynamic therapy actually! i had cbt before and i keep coming back and forth between „maybe my previous therapist were just bad” and „they are a proof i hate cbt”😭 i keep being worried im too dumb for psychodynamic idk i know a good psychodynamic therapist should tell me if im ready for it and if it suits my problems but i keep waiting for some reason. anyways sorry and thanks! hope you had a nice day:-)

no i rly think cbt CAN be good for u if ur dealing with like milder anxiety or issues about smth special like a phobia but its also given a lot bc its easier atleast in sweden like after my sister tried to kill herself i got online based cbt and it was like stop checking ur phone or ur anxiety will get worse etc but i got no help dealing with the guilt or processing the feelings i went through that day and it rly just made me feel condesended lol.... like girl this fear is not anxiety its smth very real that has happened and might happen again.. anywyas!! i dont think its possible to be too dumb for therapy!!! like its more abt personal chemistry and someone calling u out on ur bullshit like i used to tell my therapist things as if i was telling him a story until we talked about that and after that we had sessions where i just cried and felt grief and hw supported me through it and for the first time i realized what it meant to like talk to someone with the capacity to recive ur emotions and it was SUCH a reliif.... but i get u baby its scary!!! ur coping methods are probably fighting tooth and nail to not have to give up control bc its a bit like free falling... but its also rest and relaxtion... i wish u all the luck on ur journey <333