#i actually read chapter 1 the day i was admitted to hospital last week lol it gave me something to look forward to reading when I got bac

[charrchan]

I just finished reading Keep The Light Shining by @c-l-y-d-e and ohmygosh what an amazing story! I wanted to create something for the fic and while I was playing my RAV the other day after reading the scene where Slipher comes after Yugi I played this! (or well, something similar. It's hard to replicate improvisation for a recording haha!)

Now to ramble about what I was thinking when playing! SPOILERS for the fic tho so watch out!! - Recently, I've been trying to express more with my RAV Vast playing, I have the scale B Onoleo which offers both minor and major scales with it's 9 notes. I often play light/calm music, but for this I wanted to explore something more dramatic. At the start, I'm running my hands over the drum to replicate the sound of the ocean, I try to keep this up throughout the song along with the beat (which I sometimes mess up since I get nervous when recording but I think that adds to the way Yugi was feeling). The start is when Pegasus sends Yugi off into the water, it's scarily calm for too short a time. The beat starts to pick up when Slipher starts to show itself, reaching it's loudest when he finally appears from the water and Yugi is fighting to keep alive. Everything starts to calm near the end when Atem arrives to help him. Or something like that :p Some audio processing to make it sound better! Tongue drums are hard to record (>.<;) Hope people enjoy this! And I highly recommend reading Keep The Light Shining!!!

[shananigans402]

1-65 will do, please. Thanks fuck face :)

I knew exactly who this was and I was so tempted to not reply, but your punishment is having to read through all my answers and remember them forever or you fail the friend test. To everyone else, please do not click unless you want to be very bored, my answers are not interesting lol

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Nope

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Assuming 5 is the most, 1. Maybe 2. 

3. The person you would never want to meet? The person who sent me this (jk I’m excited for our eventual meet up where we hit up a strip club first thing 🙏)

4. What is your favorite word? I answered with ‘conniption’ the other day and still have not found a word I like more.

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Already answered this, fruit tree! I also like palm trees, maple trees, and willow trees. I know that’s not the question, I’m just saying random shit now.

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? It took me a long while to remember where I was this morning. I honestly don’t remember, I was rushing to get ready for an early morning meeting.

7. What shirt are you wearing? My Orlando Strong shirt 

8. What do you label yourself as? Lesbian

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping? Possibly checking on a feverish little beeb who was going through it with her second dose of the vaccine.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? No idea. I like various ages for different reasons, but this age so far is not bad. 

12. Who told you they loved you last? Probably my sister 🤷‍♀️

13. Your worst enemy? The person who sent this ask.

14. What is your current desktop picture? The apple pic of Catalina island that changes based on time of day (yes it’s the default, don’t judge me)

15. Do you like someone? Lol yeah I hope so 😂

16. The last song you listened to? Pretty Girl by Hayley Kiyoko 

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Definitely @raginage

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? I feel like I can only attack Raginage so many times. Can I pick a fictional character? This week I was real mad at Dave in The Darkness. BaBe!​

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Lol no one, you’re talking to a person who feels very uncomfortable with anyone doing anything nice for them.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) Not this again. Last time I said eyes? Still no pics, sorry

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? What would I look like? Do I get to design myself like a sim? I honestly don’t know what I’d do because I doubt the world needs another clueless white man walking around, so maybe just stay at home. 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Nope. And my last answer to this was awful. I do think I have a fantastic ability to annoy my friends but in a way that’s just amusing/endearing enough to make them still want to talk to me 😌

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Unique? Uhm well my two big fears are confined spaces and deep water so a submarine is like my worst nightmare.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Oh this is going to sound so odd. To be clear, I’ve had better sandwiches, but my go-to is provolone, turkey, roast beef, and spicy brown mustard or whole grain mustard. Please don’t judge me.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? Travel budget for future trips to visit my buds and get into trouble and eat food. I know $100 won’t go far, but it’s something.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Well, after my last answer I want to visit my friends! But there are too many people to visit and I only have one ticket. So change of plans. I’m going on a solo trip to Greece. Or Argentina. Or Iceland. Or Bali. Damn, I’m indecisive. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Rabble red blend. Just a solid red wine. Also because @viola-lloyds stole my answer the other day (Juneshine; to be fair I asked her this question but whatever) and I don’t want to copy her.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Oh I answered this one, something about respecting others. Yeah, a nice rule like that. Want to establish some healthy communication on this island.

29. What is your favorite expletive? It’s still fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? But what about my PLANTS. Can they count as loved ones? Probably my laptop, I know that’s lame but like...I have a lot of stuff on here. Or the collection of cards I have that my granddad drew little drawings in, I want to get them all framed.

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? To be honest, I don’t know if I’d change big life events in case it altered the trajectory of where I ended up. So idk maybe the ending of Bly, let’s give those lesbians have a happy ending!

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Italy! But wait, let’s get back to this sleeping with celebrities and super-powers bit...

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? Oh that’s a really tough question. I always wanted to meet my great-grandma Olga because she seemed like a really awesome lady. 

34. What was your last dream about? I can’t remember, this is bothering me because I wish I could! I’m sorry. My gf recently had a dream where I kissed a dude right in front of her. It made us both very uncomfy lol

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? I hate this question because I can only think of one thing.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? For surgery, yeah

37. Have you ever built a snowman? But of course!

38. What is the color of your socks? Not wearing any? I was wearing blue ones earlier. Jfc my answers are so boring.

39. What type of music do you like? Lots! I tend to listen to indie, classic rock, and some pop

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate or a variant (chocolate peanut butter, chocolate caramel)

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer) LA Rams or Seattle Seahawks. I know they’re in the same division. It’s tough. (Please don’t ask me why these teams)

43. Do you have any scars? Yep, mostly from burning myself on ovens. I simply get too excited for my food.

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I...have graduated? 

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Well bestie recently said I have “lesbian hands” and I think that’s code for man hands so maybe that hahaha

46. Are you reliable? I try to be!

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? How many more times will I watch The Darkness before I learn my lesson? (Related: When does other bestie finally admit to her fetish?)

48. Do you hold grudges? Not typically, no

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? A dog and an otter? Can we domesticate otters? No, a horse and a large bird, create a pegasus and then free travel.

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? Oh god. I don’t even know where to start today tbh. Damie and pokemon and cosycon and looming and feet and [redacted] and developing apps for VP. So many fantastic conversations. 

In real life, probably the time I was at a laundromat in Italy and this guy wandered in with a beer, sat next to me and my male roommate, assumed we were a couple, and proceeded to give us bizarre life advice. I wish I could remember more of it, but it was so odd.

51. Are you a good liar? Hmm I’m okay at it I think, that is, I can convince people I’m serious when I’m actually joking. But I don’t like actually lying if it’s not just teasing someone. 

52. How long could you go without talking? Probably a few days if I had to.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? The haircut I got before studying abroad! It was too short and I was so sad.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? For a birthday? No. For fun? Absolutely.

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? Not well, no

56. What do you like on your toast? Butter and/or honey and/or jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? My beautiful depiction of a scene of chapter one of Private Dancer. 

58. What would be you dream car? An electric car of some sort. I don’t know enough about cars tbh

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Nope but sometimes I’ll play music and dance and maybe softly sing.

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yep! Definitely 

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Almost never unless someone sends it to me.

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Already answered, A

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dinosaurs! 🦕

64. What do you think about babies? What do I think about them? They’re pretty cool. Just tiny little humans. 

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. I was very nice and let you correct your mistake and submit one after the fact:

In your opinion what is the best thing you can cook, like your speciality? My favorite thing to make is pasta, I started making my own sauce and I’d love to make pasta from scratch sometime.

[isshinene]

You know for your one shot ask meme thingy for #16 "Maybe you didn't love me after all"... you said that it's based off of a angst fic idea that you had. Can I ask what it is? You got me hooked but you said you're not going finish the story!!!

AH… Hi, anon! Yeah… that story… I am probably not going to finish it, it’s just too hard for me to do. But the story was supposed to be called “A Flower’s Letter”. I have the first chapter published here. The title is from the Ilijimae OST.

As you will see below, I had like THE ENTIRE THING PLANNED OUT! ugh… I even had like chapter titles and all. Idk what I’m more sad over, the plot or the fact that I did all that work and like gave up on it.

I’m gonna put a “read more” bar thingy here because I’m just gonna vomit my basic plot line below lol. I’ll let you read it and imagine the stuff in your head (you don’t need my terrible writing ya? XD)

Chapter 1: My Letter to You, First of Many

Basically, a letter to Satoshi from Nene, explaining her hesitance to talk to him again. It hints to some past stuff and that they don’t keep in touch anymore. Nene says that she doesn’t want to feel that bitterness anymore and just wants to see him again. (happens after ch.5)

Chapter 2: Blossoming Love

Some lemony action taking place here. Nene tells him that she loves him which really catches Satoshi off guard because she doesn’t say it often. The two are engaged and happy, but Satoshi is suddenly called by his parents to Kyoto for a meeting.

Chapter 3: Scattered Petals

Isshiki goes back to Kyoto and his family is trying to set him up in another arranged marriage. They’ve been doing it for the past two years and he sort of just played along with it. His family gets upset when he ruins another matchmaking date. He tells his family that he doesn’t want them dictating his life and finally informs them that he is actually already engaged to Nene, telling them to stop.

His father is surprised that he has intentions of marrying a Kinokuni. Satoshi doesn’t understand why his family won’t approve since Nene is basically an ideal wife for his family. His parents state that although the clans are friendly, it’ll become a power struggle if they try to merge the two families. There’s a reason they stayed in the east and that the Isshiki’s stayed in the west.

They tell him that if he marries her, he will be kicked out of the clan.

Chapter 4: Grasping at Thorns pt. 1

He returns. Nene finds out about what happened in Kyoto (idk how she did, I didn’t think that out). She also finds out about the fact that his parents were trying to set him up with other women for two years behind her back. He tells her that he was just playing along, trying to not cause conflict with his parents. She asks him why he did say anything and he says he didn’t think it was a big deal.

Nene asks what they think of their engagement and Satoshi tells her that they don’t approve to her surprise. He also tells her that he didn’t answer his fathers question whether he would choose Nene or the family. Nene gets upset because he didn’t choose her, but he argues that he may not get along with them, but he still cares about his family. He gets sort of mad at her because he thinks she is being selfish.

“Was there ever a moment where you considered going along with your parent’s wishes” to which he doesn’t respond. She storms out of the apartment.

Chapter 5:  Grasping at Thorns pt. 2

(ok I didn’t think this chapter out very well yet so it’s rough) Nene goes to like a restaurant or something to calm down. She orders like a normal soft drink but it gets spiked by the waitress. A mysterious guy tries to talk to her at the counter, asking her if she is alright since it looks like her eyes are a bit swollen.

The next day, Nene wakes up, alone and naked in a hotel room. She can’t remember anything and she starts to panic as she gets dress and leaves the hotel to go to work. She sees her phone is full of messages from Isshiki but she ignore them still trying to figure out what happened. When she returns back to the apartment, Isshiki is worried sick about her. He asks where she was the night before and she lies saying that she was at a friends house. They both apologize and reconcile.

A couple of weeks later, they both are asked to go back to Kyoto. Isshiki thinks that his family has finally come around to accepting their engagement and decides to go. But actually, they confront the couple about pictures they received of Nene at a hotel sleeping with another guy. They both are shocked. His father tells Satoshi to break it off with her immediately.

Satoshi comes to her defense at first though. He asks her if she lied to him about where she was that night. She admits that she did and that she did wake up in a hotel but she tells him that she couldn’t remember anything. She swears though that she didn’t have sex with the guy. The family claims that the pictures say otherwise but Nene still refuses.

Satoshi talks alone with his father. Says that he should break it off before it hurts the entire family.  Isshiki says that he still trusts Nene and that he knows she would never do something like that.  His father gets angry, saying he is still willing to defend this girl when she obviously cheated on him. Isshiki hotly defends her, saying maybe someone set her up. The waitress said she was talking with the guy at the bar, that they left together. The receptionist says they did get a room together. The pictures show the evidence for themselves. His father says that if they have access to the pictures, then others will as well. If they leak, not only will he be hurt, but Nene’s entire family as well.

His father makes a deal with Satoshi: end things with her and he will try to stop the photos from getting out.

From here it’s basically the one-shot

Chapter 6: Withering

It’s a year later, and guess what… Nene’s been really ill for a while. When she starts to get treatment, that’s when she starts to write letters to him. (aka Ch.1) She asks him multiple times to come and see her.

(In the form of a letter) She asks him if he has been reading her letters. Talks about her small shokugeki with the hospital chef. Tells him that the treatments weren’t working and that they just make her feel sicker. She’s considering getting off treatment. She says it’s not her giving up, but rather she just wants to live her life the way she wants. She’s scared, but she is trying to come to terms with it all. Nene leaves him a visitation card if he ever decides to come and see her.

Time skip another year and a half, Nene actually goes to Kyoto to go an see him. She’s been off of treatment for a while. She enters the restaurant kitchen and seeks him out. He is surprised to see her, but he is still hurt by what happened. He pulls her to the back room for a private conversation.

“Satoshi…”

“It’s Isshiki, call me Isshiki please.”

She asks him how he is. He asks her why she is there. Nene is kind of in a lost for words to see him again. He tells her he’s busy and has a lot of order to fulfill but she asks him to wait because she wants to talk about what happened.  He tells her it’s pointless, he is over her and doesn’t feel the say way anymore (he obviously lies). He says it was nice seeing her again, but it’s for the best if they don’t meet again.

She’s hurt but she conceals it, understanding that he is probably still hurt about what happened. She also realizes that he doesn’t know that she’s sick. She realizes it’s probably for the better if he doesn’t know. She smiles at him, trying her best to hide her tears. Nene tells him it made her really happy to see him again.

He is taken aback by her emotions and watches her leave. He can’t help but sense something is up with her. Something in him tells him to go after her. He sees her walk away, wiping some tears. His heart constricts seeing her tearful face.

“Wait, Nene—”

But he’s stopped by his father.

Chapter 7: Fallen, Carried by Gentle Winds

It’s 8 months later (3 years since breakup). Isshiki overhears his parents and younger brother talking about how some guy they hired wants more money. He becomes suspicious and finds out that his family was the one that staged everything for their break up. Of course, he becomes enraged when he hears this, absolutely heartbroken over the fact that he left Nene and didn’t trust her but also for the fact that his own family would do that for him.

“It was for your future!”

“She was my future!”

He leaves the house, saying he wants nothing to do with them anymore. He tries to call Nene’s phone but she doesn’t pick up. Finally, he goes to Tokyo and tries to talk with her family but is immediately refused at the door. No one seems to know how to contact Nene.

The last person he tries to get in touch with is Rindou. Even she isn’t too receiving of him though. Satoshi thinks it’s because of how he treated Nene. He begs her to let him meet with her and Rindou finally agrees.

“Come with me, I’ll show you where she is.”

She takes him to Nene’s grave. He’s in shock— in disbelief. Rindou tells him that Nene died 4 months ago. Her family tried to keep the whole ordeal as quiet as possible. Really only her family knows. He breaks down, not believing she’s gone.

Flashback: 

Rindou: He isn’t coming, Nene! Just tell him what’s happening if you want to see him so badly! I’ll do it for you, I can call him!

Nene: Rindou-senpai! Please, don’t.

Rindou: Why?! Nene you don’t have much ti—

Nene: Rindou-senpai, I know. Don’t worry.

Rindou: Nene, don’t you want him to come?

Nene: Yes. But I want him to come on his own accord when he is ready. The last thing he needs to feel for me is pity on top of his hatred.

Rindou: What if he is never ready? What will you do then?

Nene: Then he can forget. That might be better than forgiving in the long run, don’t you think?

_____end of flashback_______

Rindou: I understand you were upset over what happened but was it so hard to just send one letter? Why didn’t you ever reply? Give her a call? Something! She was waiting for you!

Isshiki: Letters? What letters?

Rindou: She sent you letters almost every week for two years but you never returned any of them.

Isshiki: Wait, I never got any letters. What are you talking about?

He storms back into the house late at night, clearly very livid. He furiously asks what they did with her letters. His mother tries to calm him down but he keeps repeating the question. His father says that he threw them away when they arrived causing Satoshi to sort of lose tension (like he lost everything). He tells his family that she died. “She told me she was in the hospital! That she was dying! Why couldn’t you have let me be by her side when she wanted me there? Was keeping me here that important to you? Why did you throw away those letters… why…”

“You’re all monsters. But I’m the worst.”

His brother catches him before he leaves, and shows him a box with all the letters he managed to save. He couldn’t forgive himself for keeping the secret from Satoshi but since he is engaged now, he understands what it’s like to love someone. The only reason he helped was that if Satoshi wasn’t the heir, the responsibility would fall on him and he couldn’t bear it.

Isshiki goes to his room and begins to read all the letters. He cries when he gets to the last one, requesting him to come to the hospital one final time. His mother tries to come in, telling him to eat something.

“She died believing I hated her, but that was never true to begin with. Why was I so terrible to her, mother? I didn’t even get to tell her I still love her.”

Chapter 8: A Flower’s Final Letter

He received a call from Nene’s mother to come over. When he arrives, he notices that she is much more receiving than last time. She tells him that his mother personally came over earlier and explained everything they did.

“That doesn’t excuse how badly I treated your daughter. I never deserved her to begin with.”

Her mom lets him see her family alter. He chokes back tears when he sees a picture of her genuine smile.

“Satoshi-kun, you did deserve Nene, and she deserved you as well. I could tell how much you two really loved each other. But it was the world that didn’t deserve the both of you together.”

She hands him Nene’s actual last letter that was never sent.

Nene’s last letter: She comments on how he remained stupid until the very end, but says that it’s alright since Isshiki wouldn’t be Isshiki if he wasn’t just a little bit of an idiot.

She says that she doesn’t resent him at all or even hold an ounce of hatred towards him. Regardless of how he feels towards her, she knows that her passing isn’t going to be easy to take. She knows he’ll regret things.

She confesses that she knew he was lying when she can to the restaurant. That he was acting tough. She’s sorry that she didn’t try harder to resolve things but she didn’t want to push it. Nene tells him it’s okay to mourn, but she doesn’t want him to get caught up on her; she wants him to move forward. She asks him to not regret their time together, including the good and bad.

Dying isn’t something she’s afraid of anymore, but she is worried about her family. She asks him to visit them every once in a while to make sure they are doing well.

Her heart becomes full when she thinks about him, so she wants him to feel the same whenever he thinks about her.

“Thank you for sincerely loving me, and for letting me love you in return. I truly have no regrets, because I know that in one moment in time, we were happy together and that’s all I need.

Maybe I do have one regret though. I’m sorry I rarely ever told you how I felt. So let me tell you here.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you, Satoshi.

Don’t think of this as a goodbye forever. Just a goodbye for now. And if the time is right, let us meet again.”

- Nene

[katiekat1321]

The Master and the God (part 12)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11

A/N: I have to start this by saying I’m so sorry for going on such a long hiatus. December was a tough month for me. I was in a lot of pain and ended up spending Christmas in the hospital. I’m almost all better now, but my vision is still really blurry so I haven’t been on my laptop very much so the update kept getting delayed. This chapter and the next 2 are already written, but they needed to be edited still. I’m going to do my best to get on a regular posting schedule again even though I don’t know if anyone is still reading this story lol (I’m also going to try to post a Bucky x Reader One shot that was requested AGES ago this week!)

ALSO I’M GONNA MEET TOM HIDDLESTON THIS SATURDAY!!!

IN THE LAST CHAPTER... you returned to Earth to meet with Nick Fury (little cute run in with Cap) to learn Loki’s scepter is missing and you offer to help find it and want to bring Thor and Loki to assist the Avengers. You get Fury to agree and then you return to Asgard and convince/slightly blackmail Odin into agreeing to let you take Loki with you to help.

As you head down to Loki’s room to tell him the good news you run past a number of people, dodging out of their way to avoid a collision. But halfway to your destination you sprint past a man with long blonde hair. You do a quick double take to make sure that it is in fact Thor.

You turned around and decided to try to catch up with him and let him know about the Avengers mission and make sure he would agree to help. You tried to follow him, but he was moving a little to quickly through the hallways. He’s so fast, even without Mjolnir flying him around places, you complained to yourself. As soon as the thought is in your mind you find yourself a few yards from where you once were, standing in front of Thor, who had to stop mid step to avoid running into you.

“Lady Y/n, I didn’t see you there,” Thor said, you could hear the confusion and surprise in his voice. “Actually… I thought I had passed you a moment ago and you were heading in the other direction?”

“I was, sorry. I’m still not exactly in full control of my seidr powers yet, I was trying to catch up with you to ask you something, but I focused on it too hard and it seems I was teleported?” You explained, trying to understand what happened yourself. You knew you hadn’t made a portal to get there so that was the only explanation left. “I really need to get better control over them.”

“Well it is quite impressive how quickly you’ve picked the Seidr up.” Thor complimented. “I remember when Loki was still trying to get his powers in order. When we were kids, he would often see something he wanted to play with and mother or father would tell him no, but the object you suddenly be right in front of him before they could do anything.”

You smiled at his story, it seemed Loki had always been a little mischievous. “It’s funny you mention Loki…” You said as you grabbed Thor’s bicep and guided him into a small room where there were no guards or maids to overhear you. “I returned to Earth earlier to meet with Director Fury. To update him on Loki and the status of things here on Asgard. He told me that Loki’s scepter had gone missing and that Tony was a little preoccupied with a… personal matter. He may or may not have given a very dangerous person his home address.”

Thor nodded, “I would be happy to return and help them, since the scepter is a mess my brother created. When shall we go Lady Y/n?”

“Well you see I still haven’t invited the last guest that will be coming with us…”

Thor cocked his head like a confused puppy and asked, “who else is coming?”

“Well, I felt that Loki would be very helpful to bring along,” you said quietly, waiting for an outburst similar to the one Odin had.

However, to your surprise, Thor did not raise his voice. He leaned in closer to you and whispered, “Very funny, but Father would never allow that.”

“Actually, he did, I’m just on my way back from speaking to him about it now. Odin studied my seidr and agreed that I am strong enough to handle him as long as he has some sort of power suppressant, but that shouldn’t be too difficult to arrange with the help of your mother.” You told Thor.

“My answer is still a yes. I will need to help you keep an eye on Loki.” Thor said. He paused for a moment and studied you before speaking again. I can see that you think you know him. And I want to believe that Loki is opening up to you, but I’m saying this as his brother and to protect you Lady Y/n. You shouldn’t trust Loki so readily. I say this as the person he has stabbed in the back, figuratively and quite often literally. I don’t want to see him hurt you.”

You didn’t know what to say. Thor sounded so sincere, and you knew he was speaking honestly. He would have no ulterior motive, he was genuinely worried that you were falling for Loki and Loki was going to use you. And he was partly right, at least you hoped it was only partly right. “We’ll head to the Bifrost around midday tomorrow, I’ll see you then.” Thor agreed and with that you left him standing in that room and continued on your original path to Loki’s room.

When you reach Loki’s door you see the guard that brought you to Odin. You greet him with a hello and he smiles and nods back. You’ve very excited to see Loki’s reaction to the news. You had just promised him last night that you would get him out of his sentence and you had already made good on it. Even he would have to admit that was impressive. Without thinking you just opened the door and entered Loki’s room.

You froze just after closing the door behind you because when you looked up to see Loki you saw that he had just come out of the shower. He was pulling a tunic over his head and you were speechless. It was a little embarrassing, but you had never seen a god shirtless and now you understood the term ‘god-like’. His muscles were understated, he was toned. Like his muscles were carefully sculpted, but not as bulky as Thor. His hair was the second thing you noticed. It was still half damp and a little messed up from being roughly towel dried.

“Y/n?” Loki asked once he had the shirt on properly and saw you standing there. “Has my body stunned you into silence?” You could hear the ego boost you were giving him in his tone. That snapped you out of it.

“Shut up,” you mutter. “I’ve come to let you know I’ve freed you!”

“Very funny, I didn’t know you were practicing to entertain the court.” Loki said as he sat down at his vanity and ran a hand over his head like he was fixing his hair, instantly drying his hair.

“Nope,” you reply, plopping down on his bed behind him so he could watch you from the mirror. “Tomorrow you will be assisting me and Thor with a little mission back on Midgard. Your scepter has gone missing and the Avengers are a little short staffed at the moment so they asked for a helping hand. I managed to convince Nick Fury, you remember him, right? Eyepatch? The guy you tried to kill as soon as you arrived on Midgard. I managed to convince one of your would-be victims and your father to let you come help because you should know the scepter best. If this goes well, I feel pretty hopeful that I can convince Odin to release you permanently. Frigga and I will have to suppress your powers before we go though, as per Odin’s stipulations.”

When you finished talking you looked up, expecting Loki to be very proud and thank you, at the very least a somewhat heartfelt compliment. But the reflection you saw in the mirror was anything but positive. Loki looked lost in thought, you could see a tinge of fear in the way he refused look up. You walked over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“What’s wrong? I thought you would be happy to get out of this room…” You were suddenly unsure about everything. Was he lying yesterday when he said he was interested in me? I knew a god would never be interested in someone who looks like me. He could have anyone, why would he settle for a fat girl who wouldn’t be able to walk if it weren’t for magic?

Loki turned to you suddenly and held your hand, like he could feel the negativity and worry radiating from you, which you wouldn’t be surprised if he could. “I’m worried about being near the scepter. I don’t want to lose myself again.” Loki turned away from you again but kept a hold of your hand. You could tell he felt embarrassed and panicked at the prospect of possibly falling under Thanos’s control once more.

You bent down so you were eye level with Loki and wrapped your arms around him. “I swear to you that I won’t let anything like that happen. You don’t have to touch the scepter at all once we find it.” Loki relaxes slightly in your arms so you decide to take a chance and press a feather-light kiss to the top of his head. He smelled like sandalwood and something that had a warm and spicy scent you couldn’t quite name.

“So, I’m a good guy now?” Loki asks. “I’m an avenger?” He felt better knowing that you listened to his concerns and ensured him that he wouldn’t have to be near the scepter.

“Well, yes and no…” You replied. Loki looked over his shoulder and shot you a questioning look. “The scepter is a key element in the first of Infinity’s requests, so I was hoping you would know some way to track it down. Regardless of how it is found we have to make sure we find it before the others do because I will have to go in and handle some business first. Then the next day or so we can tell the others and actually collect the scepter.”

“Will we be bringing it back to Asgard?” Loki asked.

You bit you lip and considered your options. You hadn’t exactly thought about what to do with the mind stone after you helped Hydra create the enhanced twins like you were instructed. Bringing it to Asgard was a bad idea because there were already two infinity stones in Odin’s vault. Keeping three in one place was asking for trouble. “We’ll see when the time comes, I suppose,” you thought aloud.

“Okay, I’ll trust you.” Loki said as he stood up, “Thank you for getting me out of here, I don’t know how much longer I could spend in here.” He turned around and held you close for a moment before you had to pull away. If the three of you were going to be returning to Midgard you still had a couple things to handle.

“I need to go find Frigga so we can figure out how to suppress your powers but still have you be strong enough to help us fight. I’ll see you in the morning, remember to pack a small bag of stuff. I don’t know how long this will take to handle,” you told Loki as you headed toward the door.

Before you could leave Loki stopped you. “One last request, please keep the big green one as far away from me as possible. I still have the occasional nightmare about being smashed around, to and fro.”

“I’m sure Dr. Banner will be so disappointed to hear that!” You announced. “I’ll let them know, but no promises.” And with that you walked out of the room.

Once on the other side of the door you turned to the guard, “Thank you for helping me find the Allfather earlier.”

“T’was nothing Lady Y/n,” he insisted. “I was happy to help.”

“Would you happen to know where the Allmother is now as well?” You asked hopefully.

The guard thought for a moment before replying. “She should be in the garden on the second-floor balcony.” You thanked the guard once again and hurried off, up the stairs, to the second floor.

When you got to the door leading to the balcony you opened it quietly and saw Frigga lounging on a bench with plus cushions. “Hello Lady Y/n,” Frigga called out as soon as you walked out. She was facing the other direction and had her eyes closed but she could sense your seidr coming. “Did you go meet with Odin, dear?”

“I did, and it went really well. So well in fact that I’m going to need your help with something.”

“And what would that be?” Frigga asked, sitting up, her interest piqued.

“Well Midgard is in need of assistance and Odin has approved my request to take Thor and Loki to help on the condition that Loki be given some type of Seidr suppressant,” you explained. “I have an issue with that though. Loki will still need to be able to fight if we need him to so he can’t be completely suppressed. He’ll need to have access to more of his powers than he does now locked up in his room. Is there any type of spell that will allow me to adjust how much of his power he can use?”

Frigga thought for a moment before an idea popped into her mind. “Follow me,” she commanded as she got up walked back into the palace and up a set of stairs you hadn’t noticed before.

“Where are we going?” you asked her as the stairs brought you to a small hallway with a single door at the other end. Frigga didn’t answer you question until she had opened the door, showing you crates upon crates of items.

“These are where I keep all of my boys’ old things. I couldn’t bear to part with anything from their youth so I’ve had them stored away here,” Frigga confessed. She walked over to a small desk on the far side of the room and pulled out Loki’s horned helmet. “I had put this away in here already because I didn’t think he would have much use for it in the near future. Please return this to him” Frigga blew the thin layer of dust that had started to accumulate on the helmet and handed it to you before rummaging through the box again. “Aha, here!”

Frigga pulled out Loki’s forearm guards and handed them to you. “This is what we will enchant! Loki usually keeps on his armor because he likes to be prepared and it was crafted to be very light and not restrict him. If we enchant one of them and connect it to a bracelet that you would wear, you could allow him access to however much of his Seidr you feel is necessary. You could restrict it when there is no danger, but when out on an actual mission just give him free reign and trust.”

“I think that is a brilliant idea Allmother, but I don’t own a bracelet that we could enchant and pair with Loki’s armor,” You admitted.

“I have plenty of excess jewelry, I’ll give you something.” Frigga decided as she was about to lead you out. She stopped suddenly and asked you, “we are just heading to my quarters, would you... prefer to make a portal to save time?”

You smiled and nodded. You loved that Frigga was entertained and mystified by the mystic arts. Early on in your training sessions she would ask you to do different spells because she thought the mandala patterns were beautiful. You held up both hands and rotated one in a circle in front of the two of you until the sparking ring opened up and revealed Frigga’s room.

Frigga smiled brightly as she stepped into her own room and brought you to a large closet with thousands of outfits, shoes, and accessories. She showed you a large case of bracelets ranging from delicate thin chains to wider, more ornate bangles. A shining gold one immediately caught your eye. It was a simple wide cuff-like bracelet with a braided pattern all around a Yggdrasil tree in the center. “This one is beautiful,” you gasped and pointed to it.

“You have good taste,” Frigga teased as she pulled it out and slipped in on to your wrist. “I wore this the day I married Odin. I would be happy knowing it belongs to you now.”

“I don’t know what to say,” you were stunned into silence that Frigga would want to give you something so special and important. You were just a Midgardian, you represent the beginning of the end of her whole world. “Thank You.”

“There’s no need to thank me dear, it is the least I can give to you. You’ve helped my son so much and his happiness is priceless to me,” Frigga said kindly. “And speaking of my son, have there been any… developments in your relationship?”

You had to laugh at her persistence, she was really devoted to the idea of you and Loki being good for each other. The humor of the situation keeping you from blushing in embarrassment, “If you must know yes, there has been a slight development,” you confessed, “but this mission is really going to be a trial run for us, I think. If things go well and we can prove to Odin that Loki can be trusted and not be locked up indefinitely I think there is a chance for something like what you’re hoping for.”

Frigga was happy to hear that. After she easily enchanted the bracelet and arm guard you parted ways and you returned to your room to pack a small backpack with a couple changes of clothes. You set Loki’s helmet down on your bed while you looked through your clothes. You decided to bring your battle gear with you and if Thor questioned you, you could claim Frigga had made it at your request. It was what you had been wearing when you first met Loki, a red hooded dress, dark grey leggings, the combat boots you were currently wearing, and gold leg harnesses. You had enchanted the leg harnesses to constantly keep energy flowing to your knees so that even if you were in a dangerous situation your magic could always be focused where it needed to be to allow you to keep walking and jumping around.

You also decided that you would allow the Staff of the Living Tribunal to remain as a staff. There was no reason for it to be disguised as a cane any longer, you could just tell everyone that you transformed it into a staff. Now that it was known that you could do magic, things were getting much simpler. Technically I’m still lying, you thought to yourself, but at least this way I’m only lying about how I can do these things and not that I can do them entirely. Still not the ideal situation to be in, but it’s definitely an improvement.

You glanced over at Loki’s helmet and smiled. “God this thing really does look ridiculous,” you said to yourself. You walked over to where you had left it on the bed and picked it up, walking over to the mirror to try it on. It was a little to big for you and the weight caused it slid down over your eyes. “It’s stupidly heavy too,” you observed. “The design of this is absolutely awful, maybe I can surprise him with a little upgrade later…”

As you removed the helmet you actually took a moment to notice that the sun had already set. You knew you should get to sleep, because tomorrow would be overwhelming. You would have to gather Thor and Loki and go to Midgard, where you would be confronted by a whole new set of people. However, unlike Odin, these people had just fought with Loki, recently and personally. You knew it would not be so easy to convince them, you couldn’t just blackmail the Avengers the way you did with Odin. It would take more to convince them that Loki was not the villain they thought he was. You would also need to make sure no one would suspect you were in a newly formed and extremely complicated relationship with Loki. If anyone thought there was something going on between you two, not only would Fury probably try to prevent you from returning to Asgard, but the others would just think he had tricked you and you were under his control.

Are you sure you’re not being tricked though? A voice in the back of your mind questioned. You know that everything you’re doing goes against what you had vowed to the Ancient One, to the Masters back at Kamar-Taj.

You shook your head, pushing the thoughts out of your head. You knew Loki wasn’t lying, his Seidr stayed steady the whole time you were with him earlier. Everything was fine, everything would continue to be fine; at least you hoped it would. And with that final thought you laid down in bed, because you were exhausted from not getting enough sleep the night before. You shut your eyes and prayed you would get a solid night’s rest finally.

When you woke up you realized that it was mid-morning. You did manage to get about seven hours of sleep, but you knew you had some kind of nightmares. You couldn’t remember any specifics but you recalled some kind of tormented dreams and fear when you woke up. I don’t have time to sit around you decided as you got out of bed and got dressed. There were a few things that needed to get done today before you could return to Earth.

First of all, you needed to eat breakfast. Then you’d need to give Loki his helmet and make sure he put on the power suppressant armor before meeting up with Thor and heading to the Bifrost. Deciding that you needed to get a move on with today, you got out of your warm bed and put on the outfit you had been wearing when you arrived on Asgard; the S.H.I.E.L.D. T-shirt, a pair of jeans, and a cardigan, but you wore an Asgardian cloak over it all to avoid drawing too much attention to yourself.

You liked to believe that you were fitting in well at the palace. Granted, you didn’t look like the other skinny maidens that hung around to entertain the elite members of the upper class, but you didn’t think that you stuck out. Asgardians and Humans looked exactly the same so it’s not like they could point you out based on physical appearance alone. You didn’t want to make a spectacle of yourself so you actively tried to blend in as best you could. Yesterday you were still wearing a dress at least, but a shirt and jeans you felt was a little too informal. However, once you were back on Earth, if you were wearing the long, multi-layered dresses made of exquisite materials commonly used on Asgard, you would look like you were heading to a renaissance fair.

These thoughts clouded your mind as you came down the stairs, but when you entered the dining hall and saw Thor sitting at a table with Sif and the Warriors Three you had intended to just grab some food and eat quietly while thinking about all the different outcomes that could come of this scepter mission. That is until Thor saw you too and loudly invited you to eat with them. You nodded and grabbed a plate before joining them.

“Hello,” you said to them all before sitting down. “I wasn’t aware that the lot of you had returned from the other realms.”

“Hello Lady Y/n,” Fandral greeted. “Thor was just telling us that he would be leaving today to go to Midgard to help you with a quest! Is there any chance that you might need more assistance, perhaps from an incredible handsome and brave man, such as myself?”

Sif rolled her eyes and you snorted, trying to keep a straight face as you replied, “Thank you Fandral, but I do believe that Thor, Loki, and I will be enough help to the Avengers.”

“So, it is true!” Volstagg interrupted, “You are bringing Loki back to Midgard with you!”

“We thought Thor was jesting when he told us,” Hogun added.

You smiled and shook your head, “No, Loki is coming too. I trust that he can help us and wants to.”

“You’re foolish to trust him so easily,” Sif says before taking a sip of her drink. “Prince Loki does not care about the destruction or casualties he causes on his way to the top.”

That offended you. Loki wasn’t there to defend himself and no on else knew his exact motivations for the things he had done in the recent past besides you. “I’m aware you all have known him much longer than I have, but I wholeheartedly believe that he is not as terrible as you think he is.”

You watched Sif’s facial expression morph from confusion, to shock, and then to one of pity. “It’s a dangerous game you’re playing, Midgardian.”

Sensing the tension between the two of you, Thor cleared his throat before changing the topic. He asked Hogun about the status of things on Vanaheim. This also distracted Volstagg and Fandral, but Sif stayed quiet and watched you closely. Her prying eyes were unnerving so as soon as your plate was finished you stood up and announced, “I’m going to go make sure Loki is ready to go.”

“Wait Y/n,” Thor said as he stood up with you, “We will be leaving soon anyway, I will join you.” The two of you said your goodbyes to Sif and the Warriors Three before heading to Loki’s room. Once you left the dining hall Thor turned to you and apologized. “I’m sorry about Sif, she will hold a grudge against someone until the end of time. She is still angry that Loki betrayed Asgard. I too believe my brother is not as bad as he seems to others. Thank you for giving him this chance.”

“Thank you, I’m hoping that bringing Loki to Earth will help clear his name. So he can redeem himself.” You explained to Thor. The two of you were just about to turn down the hall leading to Loki’s room when you realized that your backpack, the bracelet and arm guard, and Loki’s helmet were all in your room still. “Crap…” you muttered as you stopped.

“What’s wrong?” Thor asked.

“I forgot a couple of things, give me a moment.” You stated as you held up your hands, holding two fingers and a thumb on the hand that you wore your sling ring on and made small circular motions until a small portal appeared. You reached your arm through and grabbed your backpack, which you threw over your shoulder, under your cloak, before going back you grab Loki’s helmet and the bracelet and armor. You handed Thor the helmet and saw his surprised expression.

“I’ve never seen my mother or brother do anything like that.” Thor whispered to himself.

“Oh, um,” you nervously stuttered, “well it’s nothing really. Seidrs differ greatly so some can perform spells that others cannot. That’s how the Allmother explained it to me at least. Let’s continue on, we should be leaving soon.” You said as you slipped the bracelet onto your wrist and closed the portal. Thor paused for a moment before accepting your explanation and following you down the hallway.

You greeted the guard, not the one you had sort of befriended unfortunately, at the door before knocking and warning, “Loki? Thor and I are here, are you ready?”

“Of course I am,” Loki said as he opened the door. “It’s good to see you Lady Y/n. Brother.”

“It’s good to see you Loki,” Thor said with a smile. “Here, your helmet.” Loki stared at Thor for a moment before reaching out and accepting it. You almost laughed at how they interacted. It really was like watching a golden retriever and a cat being put in a room together.

Before it could get any more awkward you cleared your throat, drawing Loki’s attention to you. “Loki, I’ll need you to wear these as well,” you said as you held up the arm guards. “They’ve been enchanted and paired to this bracelet that I will be wearing. I can control the amount of your Seidr you’ll have access to. You’ll need to keep them on for the duration of the mission.”

Loki nodded, before walking closer to you and offering both wrists up to you. “Give me a hand, will you?” he asked. You agreed and helped him put the guards on. Loki observed you for a moment before thinking to you, you seem uneasy, are you all right?

I’m fine, you assured him, just had an interesting conversation with Thor’s friends earlier, it’s nothing to worry about. We have bigger things on the horizon.

Loki nodded slightly and when he saw you had finished with the armor he turned back to Thor. “Shall we get going?”

“Yes, yes we should.” You said and turned back to the door, motioning for the two of them to follow; you walked out with Loki and then Thor behind you. Once you were in the hallway the guard stopped you.

“Loki isn’t to leave.” He declared.

“No, I have word from Odin that he is allowed to leave with me.” You explained. The guard resisted, claiming he had not been told anything about this. Thor then steps in to vouch for you and argue with the guard.

“You expect her to go find the Allfather and bring him here to personally tell you that she is allowed to take Loki?” Thor asked, his tone threatening.

“Well, no, but…” The guard started to say, but trailed off, not knowing what he to do.

“If you are arguing this isn’t allowed, why did you already break the rules of Loki’s containment? Only I am supposed to be allowed through this door, but you let Thor in with me not even ten minutes ago without question.” You pointed out.

“You really think that if Odin wasn’t allowing this that we would get anywhere?” Thor added, “Heimdall wouldn’t allow us to use the Bifrost. If we were committing treason we wouldn’t get very far.”

It seemed that the mixture of you and Thor intimidating this poor guard was too much for him. He looked panicked before finally giving in and with that the three of you walked out the front doors of the castle where three horses were waiting with stable attendants. You slowed your steps as you tried to figure out how you would even get on a horse, let alone manage to not fall off halfway there.

“Lady Y/n, I’m assuming you don’t know how to ride horseback?” Thor questioned.

“No, I’m afraid I do not,” you agreed.

Thor mounted his horse and held a hand down to you, “Here, join me then.” You glanced at Loki who was watching the interaction closely. Loki scoffed when you reluctantly took Thor’s hand and got on the horse behind him.

Calm down, you thought to Loki, Thor is just helping me get to the Bifrost. This is nothing.

Sure, Loki replied back. You could hear the annoyance in his thoughts so you decided to push him a little more. You stuck your tongue out at him and smiled as you wrapped an arm around Thor’s waist.

Meanwhile, Thor was oblivious, asking the attendants to return the third horse to the stable and that these two horses could be collected later from Heimdall at the Bifrost before cueing the horse to move forward with the reigns. Loki followed suit.

Wait until I get you alone later, Loki thought to you mischievously.

As lovely as that sounds, I don’t think that is the best idea while we are trying to lay low, you cautioned. You’re going to be the center of attention when we arrive and it wouldn’t surprise me if they wanted to keep a close eye on you for the first couple days.

You knew Loki wanted to say something else, but before you knew it you were at the Bifrost. Loki had quickly dismounted his horse and was at your side, offering you and hand to get down. You smirked at him as you accepted the hand and he gave it a gentle squeeze.

Once you had gotten off, Thor also swung a leg over and hopped down from the saddle. “Heimdall, we wish to go to Midgard,” Thor announced.

Heimdall looked from Thor, to Loki, and his eyes finally settled on you. You knew what he was asking so you just nodded before explaining. “Odin has approved, but it seems he conveniently forgot to let anyone else know. You may take a moment to ask him if you’d like.”

Heimdall took a step closer to you and watched you carefully. He was reading your body language, your seidr, and you expected he was even searching your mind. I hope you know what you’re doing. Heimdall thought to you.

I do, you mentally promised, this is part of Infinity’s plan and I honestly trust loki.

“You’re free to pass.” He finally announced, “Where to?”

You thanked him with a small nod, “Washington D.C, the top of the Triskelion building if you can manage it.” Heimdall made a small grunt of affirmation before wishing you all a safe journey and putting the sword in and turning it to activate the Bifrost and send you on your way.

**If you would like to be added to the tag list for this fic send me an ask!

Tag List: @missaphrodite23 @sidemenaremylife @casuallyobsessivewitchcraft @alfoos @fiftyshadesofriri @dammitkatt @awkwardnesshabitat @fiery-feyre-writings @serrure-ikol @bone-ankle-tree @shysaladewriter @lizard-zombie​

Part 13 -->

[therewillalwaysbeapril]

Chapter 1: The Girl With the Funny Smile

It was one of the best days of my life. I had been dating April a little less than three months at the time. Her birthday was coming up, and it was also the last weekend that I would get to spend with her before she will travel to Taiwan for winter break. I wanted to take her out on a very special date before she left.

A few days before, I made a reservation for breakfast at a nearby hotel that I would often see pictures of friends taking their significant others to on social media. The night before, on a Friday after work, I quickly drove home and retrieved the Tory Burch handbag that I have been planning to give her for Christmas. “When will you be here?”, she texted, clearly anxious to see me. “In a bit — just got off work”, I replied, as I hurried back to her place. The purse was supposed to be a surprise. I received a surprise of my own when I arrived. “Merry Christmas!”, she exclaimed, taking a beautiful Armani wristwatch out of its hiding place and presenting it to me. 

“How did you find the time?” She must have had to take the bus and spend all day commuting; she had totaled her car in an accident a week ago and I had been staying at her place and driving her to and from school. April smiled slyly and said “I have my ways” as she hugged me.

That night, I met her mother for the first time. “I can’t say I like you yet. We only marry doctors. But thank you for helping my daughter”, she said. It was obvious that she does not approve of the daughter from a family of doctors dating a lowly designer. Dejected after the video call, I leaned against the far wall of her room, feeling like an intruder in her home. “You belong here”, April insisted, hugging me tightly as we fell asleep. “I love you so much, you belong here with me. I love you.”

That Saturday morning, I awoke to see April’s familiar sleeping smirk. As we got out of bed, she put on a pretty navy blue dress, some light makeup, and wore her special blue contacts, saying that this is an occasion to dress up for. It was a short, sleeveless dress that extended down to her knees. She wore a pair of high-heeled, brown leather Tory Burch boots to match her new purse. As she skipped to the garage, April looked like a cheerful movie character, in a morning that felt straight out of a rom-com. We held hands as I drove us the short but unfamiliar way to the fancy hotel. Later, I would learn that it was nowhere near as fancy as the nicer places that April would often frequent with her parents. But that day, she was still genuinely excited and overjoyed to celebrate her birthday in this way. During the car ride, April borrowed my phone and played an album by Carla Bruni.

The music was quite fitting — quaint, mellow, sweet. The sounds of soft guitar and French lullabies accompanied us as we made our way through the long driveway. She proudly wore her new purse walking to the table. I still remember the beaming way April smiled at me as we sat down. This would become a memory that in the years after this has always shepherded me through some of the darkest moments. 

It was bright and tender. Almost childlike in its innocence. It felt timeless, even. Because, looking at this smile, one feels no baggage of past worries or any fear of future troubles. It was a smile that made me feel like everything would be ok. It was the smile that stopped time. Every time I think back to it, that bright-eyed glance would become the perfect drug to me, the most dangerous intoxication.

•••

“I like going out, eating, and traveling. I am a materialistic person. So love it or hate me lol...Not every person can handle my personality so read carefully if you care...I’m a very straightforward person, I don’t like going around edges, implying, hinting, or pretending. Yes is yes, no is no.”

It was by far the bluntest, uncompromising, honest — if not slightly obtuse self-summary I have ever read. Immediately, I was intrigued. I just had to get to know this funny person. I met April on an online dating site. She was one of the first girls I messaged and, having very little dating experience, I totally struck out with her. A week went by, but I still thought of the girl with a slightly lopsided smile and the interesting profile. 

In her picture, she wore a plaid, purple dress and held a massive, precariously balanced yellow ice cream cone. Tucked underneath her arm, she carried a large box of Taiwanese fruitcake. She didn’t have a face that would be considered classically beautiful by traditional standards, but it was not unattractive either. There was a sly, almost mischievous quality to her expression. As for her features, on their own, it was almost as if they had been collected from disparate sources. Her nose looked slightly too wide, and she had an oversized mouth. Her eyes were two different sizes. But that misshapened little smile had life. She looked at the camera as if to say, I am happy, and I don’t care what you think. A week later, I tried again. This time, she answered. After a round of back and forth, as I jokingly picked a fight with her, she agreed to meet me for dinner the following day.

Many weeks later, after seeing one another every single night, April became my first girlfriend. She was the first girl whose hand I ever held. That night, as we walked around a college campus in Pasadena, I nervously grabbed her hand. Trying to act natural, I swung my arms as I walked, immediately making a fool of myself. She laughed and grinned at me as I awkwardly told her I’ve never done this before.“Good job!”, yelled out a student from across the street as April giggled comically in her almost cartoonishly adorable high pitched voice. 

Our first kiss was no less cumbersome. As we returned to her apartment after my drunken birthday party where I introduced her to my friends for the first time, we sat on the couch and talked until April interrupted, “When are you going to kiss me?” Funnily enough, neither of us had ever kissed anyone at that point. 

“Should we look at tutorial videos online?”, she said.

“What’s that?”

Giggling, she opened up Youtube, and proceeded to search for videos of people kissing. They all involved too much tongue. Intimidated, both of us closed the laptop. 

“Okay, let’s try this…”, she said. “One…”

“...two…”, I answered.

I opened my mouth, only for my lips to collide uncomfortably with hers. Our teeth made a clattering sound as they met. “Ow…”, she said. Blushing, her face turning the color of pink lemonade, twinkling from ear to ear she added “Maybe we need more practice…”

•••

Two weeks later my grandmother was dead. Grandma had been in the hospital for months, her condition worsening. I would visit her three to four times a week, to talk to her and sit by. Some days Grandma would be lucid, her eyes full of gusto as she would pester me to tell her more about the girl with the funny smile named April. Other times she barely knew where she was as I pleaded with her to eat. Grandma would tell me about her wishes for me to return to school and get a Master’s degree. After all, most of our family had been educators and university professors. “But why?” I asked. There was no need for a Master’s degree as a graphic designer. It would only be a waste of money and effort. Shaking her head, she only said it was her wish, and nothing more.

“Who are you?”, asked Grandma. April stroked grandmother’s forehead, moving a few stray hairs out of the way. Gently, she moved closer. “I am your grandson’s girlfriend!” she replied cheerfully. It was the last time I would ever speak to my grandmother. My parents, April, and I crowded around Grandma’s bed in that small hospital room. Grandma was in a dreamlike trance, being on medication. However, her eyes still retained their warmth and kindness more than ever, as she surveyed this new person sitting by her. “You’re so beautiful”, said Grandma to April. “You’re so beautiful.”

This exchange of words repeated several times. Grandma was beginning to fade, unable to remember their conversation. Never faltering, April quietly stroked grandmother’s hair each time she reintroduced herself. Grandma looked at me with that twinkle in her eye that I had known so well, and looked back at that funny smile and beamed. “Why are you two still here?”, she asked. “Don’t worry about little old me, I’m just going to rest a little”. 

•••

After we finished our brunch, April spent the rest of the day with me. “Wouldn’t you be bored?”, I asked. “I don’t mind, I just want to be next to you”, she replied, closely hugging my arm. As she sat nearby during my weekly cello lesson, I noticed her tilt her head and move rhythmically to the music, clearly sunny from our morning. Her presence brightened the room; my normally stern cello instructor chuckled softly to himself as we played together, clearly amused by such an adorable, lighthearted reaction to an otherwise serious baroque etude. 

It was a warm, bright California Saturday afternoon as we sauntered through quiet shops in Uptown Whittier. Exploring little boutiques, we spend a few hours posing with silly hats and taking even goofier pictures. As the cloudless sky began to darken, we ducked into my favorite bar. At that point April was not yet old enough to drink; a joke she would often make during our conversations was that I could be the one to buy her alcohol. Sheepishly, as we sat down within this bustling, merry environment she admitted she doesn’t actually enjoy drinking alcohol at all. However, she would want to have a few sips of my craft beer, out of curiosity. “I always want to try new things”, she added. “Hey, there’s something I want to do after dinner”. She then told me what she wanted to do after dinner.

Paying the bill quickly, we hurried to the car. Sitting cross-legged in the passenger seat, April grinned manically at me as I rushed back to her apartment. Unused to this silence, I asked her what’s wrong. “Nothing”, she said. “Just counting down the minutes.”

That night, as I held her in my arms, I asked if things will always be this way. It had been one of the best days of my life. “Mine too”, she said. “I hope all days can be like this”, I replied. As she drifted off to sleep, I heard softly “...but the worst fights are yet to come”, in a sad voice.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Describe your best friend’s hair. I don’t have a best friend. I don’t really feel like I have any friends, but that’s my fault. Whatever, I’ll answer this about the two people that were my best friends: Arynthya has short black hair, Amanda has shoulder length blonde hair.

Do you think that colour/style would suit you? I had short black before, and while I never a full-on blonde, I did have blonde highlights for years at short and shoulder length. I wanted to try going blonde at one point, but I wasn’t sure how that would look on me.

If you could marry a cartoon character, who would it be? Nah. I’ve never been attracted to a cartoon character. Plus, would that mean that they were a cartoon and I was a human? Or would the cartoon be a real person? lol.

Do you get along better with shy/quiet people or confident/outgoing people? I’m shy and quiet, so that worked for Arynthya and I because she’s the same way. We’re both also introverted, and we both have health issues. Being so much a like, especially in those ways, was helpful because we understood one another and could relate. On the other hand, I’ve had friends were who complete opposite of me and were outgoing and extroverted. That’s how Amanda is, for example. It some ways it was good because she could get me to come out of my shell a bit, got me to socialize and do more. She’d be the push I needed at times. Sometimes she would push a little too hard, though. Her extroverted-ness could be exhausting, I have to admit. She wanted to hang out all the time, I didn’t. I needed time to relax and recharge. I need my space. She constantly had to be doing something while I was content with just chillin’ at home.

When was the last time you felt nervous or anxious? Why? Everyday. Oh hi, anxiety disorder and stressful life stuff causing me to be anxious and nervous.

If you have something on your mind, who are you most likely to talk to? I’ll vent about it in a survey.

In your phone, who is the second contact listed under ’S’?  Describe his/her personality. The second “S” in my contacts is the lady who does my hair. She’s cool. She’s been super generous to me in regards to what she charges me to color my hair. It’s not a quick process, it takes time on her part, but she gives me a heck of a deal.

Do you have anything interesting planned for tomorrow? I don’t have anything planned for tomorrow.

What were you doing ninety minutes ago? I was reading a chapter in the book of Genesis that I am on and doing the Bible study questions that go with that chapter.

What is your least favourite vegetable? I don’t like peas, Lima beans, Brussels sprouts, cooked carrots... most veggies, really. lol. I like broccoli, cauliflower, corn, green beans, spinach, raw carrots, though. 

How was your day yesterday? Tell me all about it :) Well thirty minutes before my mom’s shift, she got a text from my aunt saying she was in the hospital and would have to have an emergency surgical procedure at some point that day. Soo, that wasn’t good. It was too late for my mom to call out at that point, but she was going to try and leave early so we could go see my aunt. However, one of her coworkers had to leave because of an emergency they had, but said they would try and come back. She never did, and my mom had to not only stay for her full-shift after all, but a few hours past her shift to close. Obviously we weren’t able to go. We wanted to try to go today if my mom is able to leave work early this time. It’s not looking like it, though. :/ My aunt lives out of town, so timing is a factor.

Have you spent time with the person you love/like today? I don’t like anyone in that way.

Outside of family, name 3 people that make you smile/laugh often. Alexander Skarsgård, and a few YouTubers.

Does the last person you kissed have freckles? No.

In the last film you watched, who was the main actor/actress? Steve Carrel and Ryan Gosling. 

Assuming that you’re in love, or have been in love before, how does/did it make you feel? It’s a great feeling in the moment, but when you get hurt... it hurts.

If someone jokes about sex or sexual things does that make you feel uncomfortable? Not usually. Depends, I guess.

Choose any one of your friends, and tell me what makes him/her awesome. All these friends questions and I told you I don’t even feel like I have any.

Is there a certain person on your mind at the moment? How did you meet that person? Yes. I was thinking about my aunt. We met when I was born.

Was there anything you had to do today, that you didn’t want to do? No.

In school, what subjects did you achieve your highest grades in? English.

Was there a subject that you enjoyed, but weren’t too good at? I enjoy history, but more so when I can learn about it on my own. Not when I’m required to memorize things and be tested on it. Just for my own knowledge and pleasure, ya know?

Do you know anyone named Daniel? Tell me about him. No, not personally, but I know of one. He’s the boyfriend of one of the YouTubers I watch. He’s hilarious, attractive, and a die-hard Britney Spears and Ariana Grande fan. 

When was the last time something didn’t go to plan? What happened? Well, Thursday night I asked my brother if he could take me Target after he got home on Friday, which he agreed to. When he got home I said I’d be ready to go in about an hour. When the time came, he drops this one on me, “Oh, so we should go now because I have practice at 3:30.” It as 3 o’clock when he told me... I was pissed. I don’t know why he didn’t think to tell me that Thursday night when I asked, or even when he got home from school at 1:30, like??? Or especially when I told him I’d be ready to go at 3. That wouldn’t be enough time for us to go, so that really irritated me to say the least. Then the stuff that happened yesterday. Now today my mom just texted me saying she couldn’t leave early again, so we’re likely not going to visit my aunt today either.

That’s just some specific examples, but there’s a lot that hasn’t gone to plan in a bigger, broader sense.

When you were a kid, where did you think babies came from? I think I thought they came out of the mom’s stomach. I didn’t believe in the whole stork bringing babies thing.

Do you have any children? If not, at what age do you think you’ll feel ready to be a parent? I don’t know if I want kids. 

When was the last time you bought a new item of clothing? Describe it. I bought a hoodie a couple months ago.

What’s the age difference between yourself and your best friend? sigh.

Which of the seven deadly sins are you most guilty of? Envy and sloth.

What colour are the eyes of the person you love or the person you’re currently interested in? Alexander Skarsgård’s eyes are blue. (:

Was your last Facebook friend request from a male or female? I don’t remember who the last person to send me a friend request was.

How many of your close friends are single? Have you eaten any cake in the last 3 days? What type of cake was it? Nope.

Do you have an item of clothing that makes you feel especially beautiful? Describe it. No. I don’t think I look particularly great in anything. 

Think of the last person that betrayed you. If they said they were sorry, would you forgive them? I have forgiven them even though they didn’t apologize because I had to move on, but it would be nice to hear them actually express to me that they were sorry and meant it. He never seemed to understand what he did wrong or how he hurt me. He didn’t take any ownership in it or try to see my side at all. He just didn’t get it. If he had apologized back then it would have been an empty, half-assed, “I’m sorry you’re upset” apology, thus shifting the blame on me. It wouldn’t mean anything. If he came back now after all this time and apologized, said what he was sorry for and why, was able to take ownership on his part, and seemed to really get it... it would mean something to me. I would appreciate that.

When was the last time you were invited to go out, and you declined? A couple weeks ago.

Has anyone bought a gift for you recently? No.

Have you smiled at a stranger today? No. I haven’t gone anywhere.