#i already have some stories ive alright written and ill post later

[idioticsky]

Hello- hi- I'm sorry for so little updates but hey, new stuff for things you check my page for-

I have been working on the rottmnt thing don't worry for whoever wanted to see that, but this post is mainly for something else

And that something else is Psychonauts, that's right, I collaborated with @doodle17 to make a Psychonauts au called Welcome new campers! (Also tw for mentions of abuse and murder)

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This au is a future au that mixes bits of doodle's own future au and new characters, but unlike that au it mainly focuses on the kids over at Whispering rock and the new interns which I can tell you a bit about now and give some picrew visuals (or at least the closest I can to how they look and I'll try to find the links to the ones I used and add them later, but I wanna get this out first)

First: Sora Elliott Zanotto

Sora is one of the older campers coming in at the age of 14, he used to live with his father who normally abused him and his mother before she was murdered by him and he got away with it over lack of evidence and he bribed the jury. During the time he still lived with his father he used camp as a way to escape his home for a few months where he learned how to use pyrokinesis before ending up getting adopted by Lili. He dresses like a gay little emo (cuz that's what he is) and he hates most people cuz trust issues, but will warm up to you if you start talking about music or bands he likes. He has a bit of medical knowledge cuz he would try to help his mother whenever he could when she was alive, including stitches and bandaging up wounds, he can even do a minor surgery if he's asked to.

Second we have the twins: Callie and Milo Tucker

Callie and Milo are some of the younger campers at the age of 9. They're little balls of chaos who love to mess with people and cause mischief. Callie love to levitate out of people's reach and throw water balloons at them while Milo (who can see the dead) just loves to throw people away with telekinesis so he can talk with his ghost friends alone, he really only let's Lili, Milla or D'art get close. These two have older sister that will be talked about later and two parents who have a hard time dealing with them most days. Their clothes match most of the time and they love it, makes them feel special to one another. But yeah, they're chaotic, they're cute, and I love them.

Third: Marshall Watts

He's one of the only non psychics on this roster, being one of two. He's an intern who's just there to help with paperwork. Not too much is known about him other than that he's a psychic fan boy. He's also Sora's partner that Raz doesn't really like for whatever reason.

Next is is the start of doodle's little friends and I love them: Margo Teef

(Note: I copy and pasted all of this from a convo doodle and I had) He was raised by his non-psychic grandparents after his mom left when he was a baby and his father was nowhere to be found. Other than that, he's had an okay life, other than the fact he couldn't afford a way to get to and participate at camp which made him really sad. It ended up in him actually sneaking into the camp and running into his hero Raz! (But he had no idea it was raz at first) his personality is pretty simple. He's kind of shy, but always up for an adventure, as well as being super nerdy lol. If you bring up something about comics or the Psychonauts he'll start rambling for hours put of nowhere.

And next: Natalie Fealt

She's a punk girl who isn't afraid to tell you how things are. She lived with her dads and still kinda misses them now that she lives in the dorms at the motherlobe. She interns under Adam but is a little upset that she didn't get Lizzie or Lili as her mentor, but Adam is nice enough.

Now we have one of my favorite little goobers: Shirley Adams

She's very strange and very loveable in my eyes. She normally has a weird fact or two up her sleeves and is never in one place for too long. She mentors under Gisu, and as per Doodle's words (or at least close) will take any chance she can to escape. She'll come back like an hour or two later with bugs in her hair or on the back of a goat or something.

Finishing up: Luca Nein

As his name suggests he's the child of Milla Vodello and Sasha Nein themselves. He's not really an intern, but hangs around them enough to be like one. He's kinda a germaphobe and if you cough near him he'll freak out. He tries his best in what he wants to do and we love him for that.

Alright! This is the basics for the interns+ Luca! I'll have to make a part two for the camp councilors and other adults that are featured in this au but I hope you guys have fun with this! This au is still a work in progress, we still need a solid story to figure out as well as a few other things, and you guys are free to give any suggestions you want!

[omophagic-beast]

alright lets talk ttrpg goals for 2023! this post is about games im writing that i want to finish this year, ill make another one for games i want to play in 2023.

i have. so many half finished games. in fact i even have several games that are written!! they just need to be laid out and put out there. so heres the goals and the order for said goals

1- Record Collection 2K23, and the yet-unnamed game for it that ive been writing up over the past few weeks. part tarot-driven game, part... play? there’s stage directions in there in any case

its based off the four wind albums by the Oh Hellos, later on the two characters in the play only talk to eachother via lyrics from each album, moving through the seasons as they move through their story.

ofc i want to finish this one during the jam, which means by the end of january. very much pushing myself to just Get It Out There and not worry so much about it being exactly what i want, because i can always come back and update it later. its horribly (affectionate) self indulgent already so to b clear i am writing this game for Me, so the only person who needs to like it at any point is Me :3

2- There Is An Anger Inside Of You. ive been noodling at this game for over a year now, with the creation date on the word doc being may of 2021. its done!!! its finished, i swear to god, i just need to lay it out, and i already know how im going to do that i just need to *grabs myself by the shoulders* fucking do it

its a game about being angry when youre not able to express it, the struggle of keeping your anger under wraps being played out as a rather unfair game of chess. and i am going to get it out by the end of february.

3- The Lady, The Tiger, and The Accused, a hack of For The Queen based on the short story The Lady or The Tiger. its another one that is currently completely written out, but rather than laying it out and getting it out there my goal with this one is to get it formatted for playtesting. its a three player game, players taking on the role of either The Lady, The Tiger, or The Accused, and answering the prompts as such. i really love it, but it needs to be played by people and revised before ill feel comfortable declaring it finished.

also, i want to actually crowdfund and print this one, with art and editing and maybe some pretty extras and such. so my goal is to start playtesting it by my birthday, the 17th of march. after that... im not sure! crowdfunding it by the end of the year would be wild i think, since, in true For The Queen style, id love to get a gaggle of artists to draw Princess cards for it, and that takes time! so the goal is more to have it ready for crowdfunding by the end of this year, and if that happens sooner then thats cool and good!

4- Someones Simple Book of Spells Volume One: Paper. This one is also FULLY WRITTEN *sounds of agony in the distance* i just need to LAY IT OUT

and honestly since i already know how i want to lay it out lets put this one for the end of april. yes this is pretty much a game a month for the next bit but theyre all SO CLOSEEEE to being done anyways its just that final push, i could accomplish most of these goals in a weekend if i just did it so. im going to!! do it!!!

5- ok finally, one thats actually not almost finished, its The Center of the Known Universe. a small anthology of games originally started for the weird west jam but never finished.

its got some of my favorite concepts ive ever thought of though, a game about aliens freezing time in a small western town and LARPing as cowboys, two wild west wizards battling it out at high noon, a game about supernatural cowboys falling in love while experiencing all the seasons of the desert, and more. its a love letter to the small desert town i currently live in, and i want to see it come into being. im going to give myself the summer for this, lets say the goal is to have the full first draft written by september. i also would love for this one to go into print, so a secondary goal is to have it ready to crowdfund in time for ZineMonth 2024, so february of next year.

i think thats probably all the projects i can set goals for this year, october-december is always very busy for me so im not gonna set anything besides the two i want to get ready for crowdfunding in 2024, though i do have several other half written games lying about (looks nervously at my over-4000 word “ttrpg ideas” doc).

maybe ill get into the swing of actually finishing games and get to them as well! but if not thats just fine :3

you can always find all my games over on the Grey Jay Games itch.io page, and i may make a sideblog just for GJG, but for the moment all game news and stuff from me will be right here @resident-corvid​

[shoezuki]

Tommy's prison/revival arc isnt well written actually

Anyways ive been wanting to talk on it a while for a bit here but havent had the Time or like. The thought to. But im gonna go off now.

First off im gonna say im ASSUMING this stream and plot of tommy being in the prison with dream is written entirely by tommy and dream. Wilbur May be involved in the latest stream but im not sure.

Bringing tommy back to life after only three days of him being dead did practically nothing to progress plot, the characters, or audience's understanding. In fact i feel that it damaged Other characters' potential and plot and already established plotlines.

The 'development' aspect

A really, really easy way to see if anything has changed or developed through an arc or plotline is to straightup just compare the 'beginning' to the 'end' in terms of the barebones situation. So;

Beginning: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream, his own abuser who has hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. He's terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

End: tommy is trapped in an isolated prison cell with dream after being killed then revived by him, his own abuser whos hurt him in the past, for an unknown amount of time. Hes terrified of dream and being stuck there with him.

Okay. This is simplified obvious. But the point stands. ALTHOUGH the troupe of 'going back to the beginning' is common in the heroes journey its. It doesnt work here. Has tommy learned anything? Has he changed as a character? Is the severity of their situation any different? Have we, as the audience, learned anything new?

Im going to expand on that last point because i think it has the strongest potential argument. Technically for progression in literature and development of plot/characters, things can Change without them being Aware as characters. It can change just by the audience's perception changing or being challenge.

Slight example: i've been reading a webcomic called Your Throne. Its a fantasy/political drama about a noble lady who entered a competition with another noble lady to become the empress. The main lady lost despite her being a better fit, and the comic starts with the main lady trying to assassinate the empress. Its assumed and stated by the main lady that she 'ruined her life' and so thats all the readers know. However, later in the novel we see flashbacks to the competition itself and find that the two ladies were extremely close friends, neither wanting anything bad for the other, but it was the emperor himself who manipulated both of them for his own agenda. Those flashbacks gave us an entirely different idea of who the real antagonist is and completely changed the two main ladies' relationship. THAT is how the audience's understanding of the plot and novel can be used to change the entire story. We dont get such here though

Some things that were brought to light during tommy being dead/revived:

Dream is capable of reviving people infinitely

This was already implicated and assumed. The book dream has being a means of reviving people has been around Technically since schlatt's death. This just 'confirmed' what was known

Time works differently/feels longer in the afterlife

This doesnt really impact much beyond emotions and implications. If we had more insight into what the 'afterlife' is like beyond nothingness perhaps so. But really it just makes it so wilbur being dead for what feels like 9 years and tommy having been dead for 2 months appeal to emotions.

Wilbur is evil

This one fuckin sucks i cant lie HSKSHSISSGEGDV. Like i was gon go on bout it and i will but it jus sucks. We have nothing to go on besides tommy's word, no examlles of what Horrible things wilbur said could make tommy assume this, etcetc. Ill most likely make a seperate post on how this feels like we're just going to get 'wilbur is a horrible villain' type with him. But still. I feel wilbur Not Being Good isnt a new development.

Dream is going to revive wilbur

This doesnt feel new either, part because phil had wanted to revive wilbur before (ill get to that more later) and that tommy had kept dream alive/initially imprisoned him with the idea of him reviving wilbur.

Dream believes wilbur will break him out of prison

Okau this makes no sense to me actually. I cwnt understand How exactly wilbur would be able to do this? Or why dream believes he even Could? Mans been dead for like 9 years and all we Know of the afterlife is that its black... nothingness. How would 9 years of that make wilbur capable of busting the prison open?

So. Yeah. All in all this plotline hasnt done anything new, developed things, or altered people's perceptions. We just ended up back at square one. Back to tommy being traumatized, dream being 'evil' and horrible and doing villain monologues, and them being stuck together.

Other characters and plotlines

Im pretty damn sure tommy's revival fucked up a LOT of other characters' plotlines and potential development. Honestly i feel this has a lot to do with the writers not communicating with other ccs well enough. But Ill talk about specific characters from least to most fucked over in my opinion:

Sam

He's the best off. He hqd been there during tommy's death, had been close to tommy, had majorly blamed himself and his own mistakes for tommy's death. His grief and self hatred was actually really heartbreaking and well done. The attached character of Sam Nook being unaware of tommy's death and simply waiting for tommy to return was a really good parallel to sam's own grief and anger. like it really snapped sam the guy who cares for tommy and wants to do Right by him back together with him as the Warden of the prison. Mixed personal life with 'just business'.

I feel it wouldve been nice to have him like. Have more time to grieve properly and come to terms eith tommy's death and his own involvement/influence over the events. Him finding tommy alive again Could be a means of him like. Facing his own grief head on if done well.

Ranboo

Mostly in the context of him and sam's argument do i feel it got screwed over. The weight of them yelling at each other and trying to find who to blame and the implications that Maybe ranboo was the one who caused the security breach that closed down the prison on tommy just.... doesnt hit so hard anymore. Because how can there be blame and arguments and a 'who done it' mystery when tommy popped up all fine again?

Puffy

I dony know much of her involvement or how she found out tommy died (besides metagaming shhhhh) but i saw her monologuing of how they 'failed' tommy and like. Her whole 'he was so young we the Adults failed him' spiel is like........... inconsequential? Now??? Like no dont worry he died but hes alright now.

Philza

BET YOU DIDNY EXPECT TO SEE THIS FUCKER!!!!!! But actually though i want to talk bout how this ties into phil. A LOT. for Zalbr ❤. But also because i see ppl tying phil to tommy's death n like nah shutup u doin it wrong. Ill go off more in a Wilbur Post. But essentially: i dont like that dream is now going to revive wilbur. I feel they arent going to tie philza into this Despite phil having originally been trying to revive his son and studying on it and Attempting and Failing. But now suddenly dream can just. Say some magic words and Poof wilbur lives? So we're just going to Kill philza's revival attempts plotline and leave that hanging? This made his efforts seem pointless and Wack like oh why didnt you just Say The Magic Words phil????

Niki

I feel really bad for niki. She hasnt been able to do a lore stream during tommy's 'death' (she tweeted she wanted to but her computer wasnt working) and considering her entire character.... that shit is important. We seen it with Jack Manifold how tommy's death impacted Him considering he literally wanted tommy dead. And since niki is in a similar boat to jack of trying to kill tommy and it being her Only goal...... thats extremely important.

BUT. i feel there wasnt any communication. Did she or anyone even know tommy would be revived? Did no one consider they could At Least let her do a single stream on it? Like jack manifold????

We couldve gotten a Really good niki lore stream. I genuinely was so excited for it and i dont regularly watch her. But we seen it with jack manifold which is why i dont feel he got screwed because mans genuinely did So Good he could pop off with anything n i think it works in His favour. But now........ for niki. Canonically she never even knew tommy was Dead. So its like nothing even happened for her. Is she just supposed to continue on trying to kill tommy with no progression?

What i think would work

This is more me being like 'hey @ the dsmp writers let me in' type speculation sbosegussgs. But i was thinkin on a Really easy way to 'fix' this without rewriting lore and the streams.

Dream should kill tommy again now that he's been revived and Leave Him Dead.

More development for the characters who are affected by his death Especially niki. More time for grief and self reflection and development

A chance for the audience to figure out what the 'afterlife' really is.

Dream is supposed to be smart and a master manipulator or something right? Why doesnt he use being able to revive tommy as a bargaining chip with sam for his own freedom?

The audience would now Know dream's intentions with tommy better, that this death isnt 'final', but we could still see other characters' grief and reactions and coping without it feeling cheap. Ive seen some 'but people dont know tommy is alive so hes still dead in their mind' but that sucks imo.

We'd know more on dream's ability to revive people and that he can just Do It on a whim (which i think sucks but hey im trying) but no one else would know this canonically

Okay. Im done. If you read this. Thankyou. I love you. Hmu.

[rpf-bat]

Have You Heard The News That You’re Dead?

Pairing: Gerard Way x Reader

Genre: Drama, Horror

Summary: Written for Gothtober 2020, Day 23.  Prompt: “Afterlife”. 

You’re a cancer patient. You’ve travelled to Hawaii, for an operation, that you hope will save your life. But, while you’re in the hospital, your nurse tells you the story of the Night Marchers. Legend has it, that anyone who sees their parade, will die. When you begin hearing phantom marching-band sounds at night, you start to wonder if the legend could be true. 

It had been a year now, since you were first diagnosed with stage three leukemia. Chemotherapy alone had not slowed the disease down. So, you had travelled to a hospital in Honolulu, for a transplant procedure, that you hoped would save your life. You’d been receiving radiation conditioning for a week now, to prepare your body, to receive the donor’s stem cells. 

Today, your favorite nurse was on duty. Her name was Leilani. 

“Aloha, Miss Y/N,” Leilani smiled, as she entered the hospital room, to bring you your daily dose of busulfan. “How are you feeling today?” 

“Tired,” you said sleepily. “The drums kept me awake last night.”

“Drums?” Leilani repeated curiously. 

“Yeah, I could hear music, outside my window, all night,” you explained. “Was there a concert, or a luau, going on in town, or something?” 

“Maybe the sound that you heard was the Night Marchers,” Leilani said mysteriously. 

“What are the Night Marchers?” you asked, eyes wide. 

“Oh, it’s an old Kanaka Maoli legend,” Leilani chuckled. “There were these warriors, who served the chief, in ancient times. They say that after sunset, they rise from their graves, and march through the streets, towards the site of the battle they once fought.” 

“Ghost warriors?” you blinked. “Now, that would be interesting to see.”

“Oh, no, Miss Y/N,” Leilani shook her head. “You do not want to see them. Legend says, that anyone who watches the Night Marchers, parading through town, will die.” 

“I...I would die?” you gulped. Just for looking at a ghost?

“That’s how the story goes, anyway,” Leilani shrugged. “They say the only way to survive an encounter with the Marchers, is to lay down on the ground, and avert your eyes. But, it’s only a folktale, so don’t worry about it. Give me your hand, and take this pill, okay?” 

“....Okay,” you frowned. Something about this folktale, made you very nervous. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

That night, you tried your best to fall asleep. You knew you needed your rest, but the hospital bed was so uncomfortable. What was worse, your illness had left you in severe pain. Leilani had gone home for the night, and you didn’t feel like calling the other nurse, for a dose of painkillers. You tossed and turned, trying to just be still. 

Then, you heard the sound again, in the distance. A drumbeat, outside your window. 

Could it really be a parade of ghosts? you wondered, staring up at the ceiling. No way - it’s probably just some street performer. 

The bed creaked, as you turned away from the window. The drums grew louder, and, if you were not mistaken, you could hear trumpets joining them. Seriously - what the hell was that?

Your curiosity overwhelmed you, and you gingerly stood up from the bed. You padded over to the window, and peered through the blinds. You gasped at what you saw. 

It really was a parade. But, these were no grass-skirted warriors. They looked like a high school marching band. From the second story window, you could just barely make out their black and silver jackets. The leader, in front, had short-cropped white hair. You were too high up, to see his facial features. Who the hell was he?

You watched, fascinated, as the band marched past a stop sign. Your blood froze, as the parade leader phased, intangibly, right through the sign post.

“A...a ghost?!” you gasped. Were these really the Night Marchers, after all?

A wave of dizziness suddenly hit you, and you felt faint. Your vision faded to black. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

You woke up the next morning, in your hospital bed. Leilani was standing at your bedside, adjusting your IV bag. 

“Leilani!” you gasped. “I saw them last night!” 

“Saw who?” Leilani frowned. 

“The Night Marchers!” you shuddered. “They’re real!” 

“You must have had a bad dream, Miss Y/N,” Leilani shook her head. “I’m sorry that my stories frightened you.” 

“B-but…,” you protested. 

“Ssh,” Leilani interrupted. “You have bigger things to concern yourself with, right, Miss Y/N? Your transplant surgery is today.”

“That’s right,” you realized. Today, you would finally be infused with the bone marrow, that would hopefully send your cancer into remission. You were lucky that a donor had been found for you. You knew that many people succumbed to the disease, without ever making it to the top of the waitlist. 

“The doctors here at Hawaii Cancer Care are very skilled, Miss Y/N,” Leilani assured you. “I’ve watched their surgeries save many lives.” 

“You think that the surgery will be successful?” you gulped. The truth was, that you were still nervous. 

“I’m sure of it,” Leilani said positively. “You have nothing to worry about.”

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

That night, after the surgery, you once again found yourself struggling to sleep. Your time in the hospital was not yet at its end. The doctors needed to observe you, a little longer, to make sure the procedure had done what they hoped. And your body, of course, still ached. 

Suddenly, you heard a noise. This time, it was not coming from outside your window. The music sounded like it was emanating from the hallway, outside your door. But, the military-ish drumbeat was unmistakable. It was the ghostly marching band again. 

You stood up, leaning on your IV pole for support. You felt unsteady on your feet. You knew it was unwise, to be moving around, so soon after your procedure. But, you couldn’t shake the compulsion to look. 

You shuffled over to the edge of the room, and hesitantly opened the door. You poked your head out, and that was when you saw them. 

A whole parade of specters was marching through the hospital corridor! There were phantoms in masks, at the back. But, the five men at the front, caught your attention. Their faces were uncovered, and they were playing instruments, as they stepped forward in time. 

The one in front, with the pale, white hair, clearly seemed to be the leader. He raised his baton in the air. The phantoms followed him. 

Was this real? you wondered, shaking. Or, were you dreaming? 

Your IV pole rolled away from you, as you accidentally released it from your grip. The wheels made a skittering sound, on the linoleum floor. 

The marching band leader’s head snapped up, and he turned around, seeking the direction of the sound. 

You dropped to the floor, remembering Leilani’s warning: “They say the only way to survive an encounter with the Marchers, is to lay down on the ground, and avert your eyes.”

You trembled with fear, as you covered your eyes with your hands. 

Don’t see me, you pleaded, heart pounding, as you lay as still as possible in the doorway. Don’t see me…..please don’t see me…..

“Miss Y/N!” gasped a familiar voice. “What are you doing out of bed?”

You opened your eyes. The parade of ghosts was gone. There was only Leilani, looking down at you with a concerned expression. 

Am I going crazy? you wondered, eyes wide. Did I hallucinate that whole thing?

This didn’t seem possible. The blonde man’s piercing gaze had felt all too real. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

You opened your eyes, hours later, and saw someone standing at the foot of your hospital bed. It wasn’t Leilani. It wasn’t any of your nurses. It was the blonde man, who had appeared to you in the night. 

You screamed. 

“It’s alright, Y/N,” the man whispered. 

“H-how do you know my name?” you gasped. “Who are you?!”

“I’m Gerard,” the man introduced himself. 

“I mean, what are you?” you demanded. “Are you a Night Marcher?”

“No,” Gerard shook his head. “I am the captain of the Black Parade.”

“What do you want with me?!” you asked, shaking. 

“We’ve come to guide you to the afterlife,” Gerard explained. 

“What?” your eyes widened. “You’re saying….I’m dying?” 

“Yes,” Gerard nodded. “I’m afraid that you’re fated to die of a stroke tonight.”

“There’s no way that I’m going to have a stroke!” you denied. 

“I’m afraid that you’re already having one right now, in your sleep,” Gerard revealed.

“No!” you cried. “If this is a dream, then, I have to wake up right now!” 

“You won’t,” Gerard said calmly. “It is your time.” 

“But...that doesn’t make any sense!” you argued. “I just had a bone marrow transplant! It’s supposed to cure my cancer!” 

“You’ve developed what’s called graft versus host disease,” Gerard explained. “The donor’s cells see your body’s tissues as something foreign. They’re attacking them.”

“So…..you’re some sort of Grim Reaper?” you realized. “Where’s your scythe? Aren’t you supposed to look like a skeleton?” 

“I took this form, in hopes that I would not frighten you, Y/N,” Gerard explained. “Do you not find it comely?”

The truth was, you found the phantom’s appearance, extremely handsome. You could see his strong-looking arms beneath his black jacket. Above the jacket’s high collar, he had a beautiful, almost angelic-looking face. 

But, he’s an angel of death, you reminded yourself grimly. You wanted to cry. 

“I...I can’t die yet,” you stammered, tears welling up in your eyes. “I’m still so young. There’s so many things I haven’t done yet. I’ve never even fallen in love.”

“A surprise, and a tragedy,” Gerard said softly, gently stroking your cheek with this thumb, and wiping away your tears. “For such a beautiful woman.”

“You...you think I’m beautiful?” you sniffled. 

“I do,” Gerard confessed. “I’m sorry, that the powers that be, have given you such a short time on this earth. It is not for me to decide. My job is simply to walk with you, to your destination.”

“You mean, the afterlife,” you guessed. 

“Yes.” 

“What’s going to happen?” you wondered, feeling scared. “Are you just going to drop me off in some limbo, a-and leave me there?”

“No,” Gerard promised, wrapping you in a comforting embrace. “Y/N, I will stay by your side, as long as you need me.”

“I don’t want to be alone,” you sobbed. You found yourself clinging to the specter, holding onto him tightly and sobbing into his chest.

He stroked your hair gently. “Sssh,” he consoled you. “It’s alright. You’re not alone. My marching band is waiting for you, just outside this room. We’ll all walk with you, to the Other Side. You will have as many friends there, as you wish.” 

“You want to be my friend?” you asked, staring up at him, with wide eyes. 

“I want a great many things from you, Y/N,” Gerard confessed.  Suddenly, he grabbed the collar of your hospital gown, and pulled you into a kiss. His lips were warm, and soft, like a living person’s. There was no coldness of the grave, in his touch. 

You kissed him back, soothed that, at least, someone was by your side, until the very end. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

The heart monitors screamed, as Leilani ran into the room. The flatline on the screen, told her that her favorite patient was gone. Tears welled up in her eyes, as she stared down, at the woman’s terribly still form. 

“A-Aloha, Miss Y/N,” Leilani sobbed. A word that could mean both hello, and goodbye. 

There was one small comfort, as she pulled the sheet over Y/N’s head. Her final expression was a smile of bliss, as if she’d just received a pleasant surprise.

[bunteatime]

aramika coffee shop au pt. 1

ok so!! ive had this au in my head for like.. 5 months now and i luv it sm so i decided to turn it into a lil fic!! im still workin on tha story but i couldnt wait 2 post it so here is part 1..

(also!! apologies if this is written poorly!! its one of tha first times ive ever tried to like. seriously write)

Part 1: Arashi’s POV

Arashi took a step forward. She was standing right in front of a small cafe. It was located in the middle of the city so it was usually quite busy. However, she had arrived just before opening. She smiled and tightened her work apron. 

She wasn’t normally too fond of the idea of working but there was just something so romantic about working in a coffee shop. She had read so many books about two lovers meeting in a coffee shop and the thought of meeting the love of her life while at the cafe practically made her swoon. What if she met the love of her life today? What would they look like? Would they sweep her off her feet the second they saw her? More importantly, would she even realize who they were before it was too late?

Quite suddenly, she snapped out of her daze and look around. Focus, Arashi, she told herself confidently. She stepped inside the cafe and was instantly greeted with the smell of coffee beans and Leo waving at her.

 “Hey, Naru-chan!!” He said almost too excitedly considering how early it was. 

“Hello hello Leo!” she giggled and waved back. 

Just then, Izumi walked in while glaring at his phone. Arashi could’ve sworn she heard him make a little tch sound. 

“Oh, hi Izumi! What’s wrong?” She frowned. 

“Tsukasa won’t be coming in today. Apparently, he fell ill.” He huffed back. 

“Ah, well that’s alright. We still have the four of us!” She attempted to comfort him. Izumi could get worked up so easily, it seemed. 

“Three of us. Ritsu slept in again and knowing him he probably won’t show up until the end of the day.” 

Arashi sighed and looked at her phone. They only had about ten before the coffee shop opened. She would be extra busy today, considering there were only three people working that day. She wished that she could’ve been sick too, so she could just sit at home and paint her nails all day rather than spend it making coffee. She didn’t mind too much though; the pay was really good and with that, she could go out shopping this weekend. She got behind the counter and scrolled through Instagram to pass time. 

“Oh! Before I forget, Naru-chan, there’s gonna be this guy coming sometime around now with a bunch of pastries for the shop! I thought I’d be the one to accept them from him but Izumi-chan said he wanted to ‘talk finances’ with me so would you do it for me?” He smiled brightly at her. She seriously didn’t understand how he could be so peppy at 6 am on a Monday. 

“Of course, dear! Leave it to me.” She winked at him and smiled. 

Leo suddenly got really serious. “If I’m not back in an hour, just know that I died of boredom listening to Izumi talk about stupid adult things.” He said in a scared tone. 

Arashi giggled and pushed him towards the back. “Yes, yes, I’m sure you’ll be fine.” She responded. 

Leo went into the back and it was officially opening time. Looks like I’ll be all on my own this morning, she told herself with a sigh. She walked over to the front of the store and flipped the sign on the front door to the side that said “open” in a cursive font. On her way back to the counter, she straightened some of the chairs and unwrinkled the tablecloths. She was curious over the pastries Leo had mentioned. She assumed they were from a new store than they usually bought their pastries because the usual store wouldn’t send anyone to drop them off. 

The first twenty or so minutes after the opening of the store went well. She had about ten customers come in, all of which looked like college kids wanting to study before class. Just then, the door was opened rather loudly and a boy with shaggy greenish-black hair stumbled in. He was carrying a large box with him and seemed to be out of breath. Did he run all the way here? He was wearing a black sweater and jeans, despite it being the middle of summer. He came up to the front counter and set the box down. The moment he looked up at Arashi, she almost gasped. He had absolutely stunning eyes. One was a beautiful ocean blue while the other was golden. Arashi wondered what they called that. Heterochromia? Was that right? She’d have to look it up later. His eyes were so captivating that she felt like she couldn’t look away.

“Uhm, hello! What can I get for you today, babe?” She asked. 

“Well, uh, ‘m not really here to buy anythin’. Coffee ain’t really my thing… too bitter.” He stuck his tongue out a little bit as he said that. “I dunno if you know but I’m here to deliver some pastries!” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

As soon as she heard him speak, Arashi felt butterflies in her stomach. Fate had just set her up with the absolute cutest boy she’s ever seen and she was so happy. She was absolutely enamored with him. His accent was absolutely adorable and the way he looked down and played with his sleeves shyly as he explained the situation to her made her think that she might die from a cuteness overload. He was just so cute! She’d known this boy for maybe 60 seconds and she had already unashamedly fallen head over heels for him. He was perfect. 

He looked back up at her and they stared at each other for what felt like a blissful eternity, before looking back down awkwardly. His face was bright red. Oh how absolutely adorable he looked when he blushed like that. 

“I, uhm, I should go… Oshi-san’ll be real mad at me if ‘m not back soon..” He said shyly. It might’ve been her imagination but Arashi could’ve sworn she heard a little regret in his voice. 

“Oh, yes, yes of course!” She responded quickly. “Thank you so much for the pastries!” She smiled.

He smiled back at her and began to walk away. Right as he was about to open the door and leave she spoke up again. 

“Also… Your eyes are absolutely gorgeous, babe.” She winked at him and watched as his eyes widened and his face went tomato red again. 

“Th- thank you…” He said quietly and proceeded to leave.

She giggled and sighed as she rested her hand on her head. She was in love, wasn’t she? That was the prettiest boy she had ever seen and with only one interaction between them, she had fallen in love. She wasn’t complaining, though. She absolutely loved the feeling of butterflies in her stomach as she thought about the next time she would see him. 

“Arashi, you’re slacking.” Izumi’s voice spoke behind her. She could almost feel the glare she knew he was giving her.

“Oh my god, Izumi! You won’t believe what just happened.” She said excitedly.

Part 1: Mika’s POV

Mika sighed loudly and rubbed the back of his neck. He had been up since four making pastries. He was starting to get sick of the sweet smell, but he knew Shu would be mad at him if he stopped working. 

“Oshi-san,” He whined. “Can I have a break yet?” He was really hoping he could get out of there soon; today was supposed to be his day off but Shu had called him in suddenly. Although, that wasn’t too odd for Shu to do. 

“Actually, yes. You have to take this box of pastries to this cafe, though.” He handed him a piece of paper with an address written on it in cursive handwriting. “Do not be late, Kagehira. You’ll ruin our business’ reputation.” 

“Will do, Oshi-san!” Mika responded happily. He picked up the box and practically ran out the door.

Once he was outside, he sighed happily. He was glad he wasn’t inside anymore. He hurried over in the direction of the store, however, he got lost along the way. He somehow ended up in the shopping district and couldn’t find his way out. Shit, he panicked. Oshi-san’s gonna get mad at me if ‘m late. It took him a while, but he finally found his way to the coffee shop, however, he was ten minutes late. He would’ve been later if he hadn’t run the whole way. Maybe Shu wouldn’t get as mad at him if he lied and said he had just wandered around after taking the pastries to the cafe?

He went to pull the door open, but it wouldn’t. He tried again and it still wouldn’t open. He tried a third time before reading a sign that said “push” right next to the door. He embarrassedly pushed the door open and stumbled inside the store. He glanced up at the girl at the register and immediately looked down. Oh no, she was pretty. Like, really pretty. Stunning, even. He felt embarrassed. He walked up to the counter and set the box of pastries down before mustering up his courage and looking back up at her. 

Oh god, he was right the first time. She really was pretty. Her eyes were sparkling. They were a deep purple and so so pretty. Her hair was beautiful, too. She looked so effortlessly stunning and it honestly took his breath away. Her smile was stunning, too. She radiated warmth and he found her presence to be oddly comforting, despite knowing her for thirty seconds. 

“Uhm, hello! What can I get for you today, babe?” She said. Did she.. Did she just call him babe? He was falling for her so hard and so fast it almost scared him. He never considered himself the romantic type, but this girl made him feel butterflies in his stomach.

“Well, uh, ‘m not really here to buy anythin’. Coffee ain’t really my thing... too bitter.” He stuck his tongue out and he heard her giggle at that. He immediately blushed and started fidgeting with his sleeves. “I dunno if you know but I’m here to deliver some pastries!” He gestured at the box and rubbed his neck with his hand. It was a nervous habit of his to do that, and he sure was nervous right now. He really hoped that she didn’t find him weird.

He looked back up at her and as soon as their eyes met, he felt those famous butterflies that he didn’t know existed outside of stories. Her eyes were deep purple and stunning. He couldn’t look away. She was smiling at him and it seemed so comforting. He felt like he could stare at her for an eternity and still be as blissful as he was at this moment. 

He looked down nervously and could feel the heat rising to his cheeks. He suddenly remembered that he had to get back to the bakery or else Shu would be angry at him. 

“I, uhm, I should go… Oshi-san’ll be real mad at me if ‘m not back soon..” Mika said, trying not to show how sad he felt about having to say those words. The way she had gazed into his eyes was unlike the way anyone had looked at him before. He constantly felt as if people were judging him for his eyes. That he was weird for his mismatched orbs. Due to this, he absolutely hated them. He resented them and they made him feel terrible. 

This girl, though, she was different. She didn’t judge them, in fact, her gaze was so full of wonder. She was looking at him with so much kindness and warmth that he thought he might melt right then and there. She made him so happy, which was completely absurd considering he had known her for maybe three minutes. 

“Oh, yes, yes, of course!” She responded, quickly looking away. She smiled brightly at him. “Thank you so much for the pastries!”

Oh, god, she was so pretty. He started to walk away and right as he opened to door to leave, she called out to him. 

“Also… your eyes are absolutely gorgeous, babe.” She winked at him. Oh no. Oh no, oh no. Mika had tried so hard during the entirety of their conversation to keep calm and seem cool but he couldn’t handle it anymore. His face immediately went as red as a tomato, despite his wishes. That was the first time anyone had complimented his eyes before. He was shocked. This whole time he had absolutely hated his eyes. But for the first time, he liked them. They made him happy. And it was all because this girl, whom he had undoubtedly fallen in love with, had complimented him with complete sincerity. 

“Th-thank you…” He stuttered. He clumsily opened the door and walked out. He just knew that he had to tell Shu about this girl when he got back to the shop. 

When he arrived back at the shop, he suddenly stopped right in front of the door. “Shit, I forgot to ask her name..”

[kimmie1311]

Simply Perfect

This is my first story i’m posting here on tumblr. Not my first story written. Want more let me know..

Thanks for @slow-handed for beta reading this. ****************************************************************************************

Getting ready for Christmas is one of my favorite things to do. My boyfriend asked me not to do too much this year. Last year I went overboard with the decoration. It was fun but so much work and also taking it all down took so much time! So now Ive only done the inside and 1 big tree. I was counting down the hours till he was finally coming home after being on tour in the US. When I am hanging the last Christmas ball on the tree, my phone rings. “Hello friend.” I answer “Friend? It hasn’t been that long.” He says. “It’s been too long babe. Did you have a nice flight?” “It was alright. I need a good cuddle and sleep.” “Come home quick than.” “Car is almost here so Ill be there as soon as I can.” “I will try to clean this place up. Ive got the tree up already.” “Can’t wait to see it. Bye love.” “Bye.” I hang up and start to clean up.   Naill and I stay inside for 1 week straight. We had to make up for the time we weren’t together. And with Christmas coming up we weren’t alone much because we are with his family. And that’s okay but for now we are alone, so we are taking our time.   The day before we were flying to Ireland we pack our bags and now I am relaxing on the couch writing on my novel when the door rings. “Will you get that?” Naill yells from the bathroom. I get up and walk to the door and before I open it up I check the mirror to see if I look decent. “Um… Hello, can I help you?” There is a guy holding a box. “Well I’m here to make a meal.” “Meal? What’s happening? Naill! “ I shout in the house. “It’s alright.” Naill comes running down the stairs. “He is here to make us dinner, love.” The guy passes us and walks into the kitchen. “But wh.…” “I wanted to surprise you. The chef is number one. Here is your second.” He gives me the box the chef had in his hand when I opened the door. “But I want you to open it upstairs. After you take a nice bath.” “Naill..” He stops me by kissing me on the lips. “Please enjoy this. Go.” He slaps me lightly on the butt and walks into the kitchen.   Walking into the bedroom I was surprised again. Some candles were on and also I could see candles burning in the bathroom. I walk into it and see the bath is full. I settle the box on the bed and open it even though he told me to do it after my bath. I couldn’t wait. When I open it I see a note, ‘You opened it up before you bath. I knew it! I know you so well.. Well look at what I got you and then take your bath. Before it gets cold or I take it myself! ;) x ‘   I smile at the note and place it on the bed, looking in the box i see something black. I pick it up and see a beautiful dress. Normally I’m not into dresses but it is a simple dress. I hang it up and take my bath. After ten minutes of relaxing Naill knocks on the door. “Can I come in?” He asks before opening the door. “Hi.” I smile at him. “I have something to drink for you.” He hands me a glass of red wine. “What is all of this?” “Pampering my girl.” “I see that but why? You didn’t have to do all this. I’m happy with us on the couch cuddling up under a blanket watching Netflix. “We haven’t been able to spend much time together in a long time. And I want to make tonight special. So relax, enjoy it. There is more to come.” “When is dinner ready?” “Enjoy your wine and when you’re finished let me know by sending me a text. I will get you to come downstairs.” “Okay.” Is all I say. He gives me a simple kiss before leaving me alone.   After another 30 minutes I finish my glass of wine and get out of the bath to get ready. I send Naill a selfie of me wearing only a towel, hoping he gets the message that I was getting myself ready. I dry my hair and put on the dress, walking to my bed side table to get my favorite necklace and bracelet. When I open it I see another note and a black velvet box. ‘Again I know you so well! *proud face*. Hope you will wear this as your favorite. x’ It is a simple necklace with a small heart hanger. I have a new favorite necklace.   I was ready when Naill walked in the room. He showered as well and looks really nice in his black suit and white shirt. “Wow. Look at you.” He says, smiling as he walks over. “Thank you for everything. It’s…” “Beautiful.” He almost whispers. “Ready to come done for dinner?” He hands out his hand. “I’m ready.” I take his hand and walk with him downstairs where there is softly music playing and the living room decorated with a low light setting. There is a table set and Naill helps me with my chair. “When is this going to stop?” I joke. “After dinner it will be all over and we go back to before. You getting me a beer while I watch a game of soccer or golf.” He jokes and again I smile. It is different. We have our little dinners and dates when we can but this is different. “I’m going to get us the first course. Wait here.” He gives me a kiss on the cheek and heads into the kitchen. I look around and notice the picture frames have new pictures of us. All from our last little get away. A few minutes later he comes back with two plates and I see him shaking putting my plate down. “Are you alright? You’re shaking.” “I’m great.” “This isn’t you. Don’t get me wrong I’m impressed but this isn’t you. What’s going on?” “Like I said before. I missed you and wanted to do something special.” “Sorry. It’s special and I’m enjoying this very much, Niall.” I reach for his hand. “Good now let’s eat.” We start our dinner.   It was all good. I guess Naill gave the chef my favorite meals because this was good. “Ready for dessert or are you full?” He takes a sip from his wine. “Depends on what we’re having?” I say with a cheeky smile. “Let me say goodbye to the chef first. Take your wine to the couch and make yourself comfortable.” We stand up. “I will help you clean the table and say thanks to the chef.” I pick up the plates and walk in front of Naill into the kitchen. “Hi again.” I say. “Hello, how was dinner?” He cleans his hands. “It’s was a very good meal. Thank you for making my favorite things.” “You’re very welcome.” He smiles. “I’ll get everything and leave then.” He looks at Naill. “Yes. Dessert is in the fridge I guess.” I walked to up the fridge but Naill stops me. “What? I want to know what we’re having.” “You. Go sit on the couch with your wine. I’ll be there in a minute or two.” “Two minutes?” I look at him with a look asking what is going on. “Thanks again for using our kitchen.” “I will help you carrying the box to your car.” Naill helps him while I make myself comfortable on the couch.   Naill walks back inside, takes off his jacket and picks up his wine joining me on the couch. “Comfortable?” He asks. “Almost.” I smile shyly. He picks up my feet and places them on his lap. “Now I am. Thank you.” I touch his hair lightly. “So now what?” I ask when I saw him close his eyes. “I will fall asleep if you keep going.” “Well don’t. I want my dessert.” I move my hand to his cheek. “There is something else first.” He gets off the couch and gets his phone to change the music. He places it back on the table before grabbing my hand and pulls me off the couch. He places his other hand on my back and presses mine to his chest. I place my head on his shoulder and smell his cologne. My favorite on him. “You are so special to me.” He whispers. “You make me feel me. Safe and happy. That’s all I want.” I lookup and find his eyes. “Naill…” Again he stops me by kissing me. “Can you shut up for once and just listen to me?” He jokes. We stop dancing suddenly when I see his hand moving to his right front pocket. “Y/N. All I want for Christmas and beyond is you.” He kneels down on his right knee. “Please say yes and marry me.” He holds up a velvet box with a simple white gold ring with a small diamond. Now I am speechless. I look up and down from his eyes back to the ring. “You can speak now.” He says and I smile. “Yes.” I say softly and I feel my eyes water. He gets up and places the ring on my finger. Again a simple ring but so much emotion attached to it. “I can’t believe it you really asked.” I say looking back into his eyes. I see he is tearing up as well. “I can’t believe it myself. I was nervous the whole time. And when you noticed at dinner earlier I thought you knew.” “I had no idea. Yes, it was odd that you did all this. Don’t get me wrong. Normally we do ‘normal’ things but this was all wonderful and I enjoyed it very much and now you’ve asked me to be your wife.” “Wife. Sounds nice doesn’t it?” He places his arms around my waist to pull me closer for a good kiss. “What about dessert?” I try to say between kisses. “Think I’m having it right now.” He picks me up like a newlywed couple do. “Well this goes well.” And walks upstairs into the bedroom.

[soyraktajino]

hi i’m having a really shitty day here’s a really embarrassingly detailed analysis of a fall out boy song that reminds me of spock regaining his memory after st:iv 

please don’t reblog this this is mostly a self-care post 

like if you read 

G.I.N.A.S.F.S by Fall Out Boy 

(Gay Is Not A Synonym For Shitty) 

the majority of this song works best from Spock’s perspective but the song itself changes perspectives (”you almost pick up the phone”/”i almost pick up the phone”) because it’s intended to be a love story between two broken boys who can’t admit to each other that they’re in love (which is. kirk/spock as hell)

I've loved everything about you that hurts, so Let me see your moves, Let me see your moves Lips pressed this close to mine, True Blue

this works as both Jim and Spock -- “I’ve loved everything about you that hurts” because they love each other through their insecurities and through the things that no one can understand and that hurt them to no end (Jim’s traumatic past ie Tarsus IV, his constant fear that he’s not doing enough for his ship; Spock’s internal turmoil over his conflicting cultural perspectives). 

also merriam-webster defines “true blue” as “unswerving loyalty (as to a party) ie a true-blue romantic, completely faithful and loyal to a person or idea” which i think is beautiful in that unswerving loyalty is. both of their defining factors. 

But the prince of any failing empire knows that Everybody wants, everybody wants To drive on through the night If it's a drive back home

yeah i’m not 100% on this i just like it conceptually as like... Jim and Spock driving back to their apartment in San Francisco (or taking the BART or smth) and wanting the drive to last forever because once they get there, y’know, they’ve gotta try and figure everything out. at least driving home holds the promise of maybe everything’ll work out. 

(pre-chorus 1) Things aren't the same anymore Some nights, they get so bad You almost pick up the phone

so my favorite fic about post st:iv basically has Jim ask the bridge crew to help re-arrange their apartment before they get there - hide all the things that’d suggest they were married, because you can’t just. force him into a marriage he doesn’t remember. so Spock stays in the guest bedroom. 

“things aren’t the same anymore/ some nights they get so bad/ you almost pick up the phone” sometimes Jim misses Spock so much he just wants to reach out to Spock and tell him everything, forget letting him figure it out on his own. but he never does. 

(chorus) Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns I sleep with your old shirts And walk through this house in your shoes, I know it's strange It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you I'm supposed to love you

this is my favorite part ok 

“trade baby blues for wide eyed browns” because Bones’ eyes (literally, literally called baby blues in-series) and Bones held Spock’s katra, wide-eyed browns as Spock’s eyes obvs and wide-eyed works because wide-eyed to the new world around him that he’s gotta relearn 

“i sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house in your shoes”  so like Spock was only dead for like a few weeks at most between st:iii and st:iv so it’s. incredibly hard to say what the fuck happened to all of his stuff. there’s no way Jim could’ve thrown it out. so i like thinking of this from either of their perspectives -- Jim wearing Spock’s old shirts (he wouldn’t know, anyway) as a comfort and walking through their home trying to empathize with what Spock must be going through...... but more than that, it’s really from Spock’s perspective because of the next part of the chorus. so Spock wearing Jim’s old shirts (he wouldn’t know!!) because he subconsciously knows he has an attachment to them somehow and walking through the house trying to remember everything that Jim remembers about them 

“it’s a strange way of saying that i know i’m supposed to love you” is Spock’s realization that he and Jim were bonded. and it’s really painful because he knows he’s supposed to love him, he knows this is something his past self must have felt, but he doesn’t understand it for himself. as much as he may want to. 

I've already given up on myself twice Third time is the charm, third time is the charm Threw caution to the wind But I've got a lousy arm

i don’t have a spirk meaning for “i’ve already given up on myself twice/ third time is the charm, thirt time is the charm” because the irl meaning of it is that pete’s tried to kill himself a couple of times (7 minutes in heaven’s alternate title is atavan halen, a play on van halen, because his suicide attempt in 06 was with an overdose of atavan; i think his other attempt was when he was a young teenager iirc) and he’s really tongue-in-cheek about suicide which. i identify with so strongly because when i was 17 i planned out my suicide attempt and didn’t go through with it and now that’s in my medical history and it’s such a pain in the ass to have every psychologist ask about it, i was just a terrified kid and i didn’t see any other options, it was 5 years ago, i fixed it myself by getting myself help. anyway the “third time is the charm” is also related to a verse later, “you saved my life that night on the roof of your hotel” because patrick climbed his ass up there and talked him off the ledge. like this is overtly a song pete wrote about his affection for patrick. (pat’s eyes are blue and pete’s ex-wife ashley’s eyes are brown and they’ve definitely been seen wearing each others clothes). and patrick singing it is just. so emotional for me. 

“threw caution to the wind but i’ve got a lousy arm” is just a really nice phrase for either Kirk or Spock saying ‘fuck it’ and trying to hint that they’re in love but the hint wasn’t received 

i know this verse is really weak on the spirk just let me have this alright 

And I've traced your shadows on the wall Now I kiss them whenever I'm down Whenever I'm down Figured I’m not figuring myself out

god i love this verse too. (”figured i’m not figuring myself out” is pete’s tongue-in-cheek way of addressing biphobia, how ‘’’’’you’re either straight or you’re gay’’’’’’, look at this bi ICON)  

anyway this is definitely Jim. “i’ve traced your shadows on the wall and i kiss them whenever i’m down” no one literally traced anything ok he’s traced with his fingers shadows of Spock on their bedroom wall from his memories of them together and kissed them whenever he’s down... whether or not you want to imagine an incredibly depressed jim kirk actually kissing a wall is up to you my depressed little gay ass would 

(pre-chorus 2) Things aren't the same anymore Some nights, they get so bad I almost pick up the phone

“things aren’t the same anymore/ some nights they get so bad/ i almost pick up the phone” is a mirror of the first pre-chorus with “you” traded for “i” -- now it’s about Spock instead of Jim. now Spock wants to reach out to Jim. 

(chorus) 

(see chorus lmao)

Born under a bad sign, but you saved my life That night on the roof of your hotel "Cross my heart and hope to die Splintered from the headboard in my eye" Photo-proofed kisses I remembered so well

oh FUCK i always thought it said “bullet-proof” kisses because that ties it in to another song on Infinity on High, but photo-proofed kisses makes my heart ACHE; because these boys were constantly followed by the paparazi especially after pete came out as bi. pictures that caught them kissing were. proofed to erase that because the label didn’t want the mixed publicity. fuck me UP

anyway yeah this verse is also hard for me to make a spirk interpretation of because i know the actual story here so well. they were on tour and pete just, has depressive episodes and he climbed up on the roof of patrick’s hotel in the middle of the night and patrick talked him down. (which -- you could romanticize this so easily but pete doesn’t, he just comes right out and says “you saved my life”, because pete wentz fucking gets it and the only time he romanticizes mental illness is when he does it sarcasticly, and the sarcasm is biting; especially because these boys know all too well how their fan base is. a bunch of mentally ill teenagers. they talk about it a lot in a way that... it feels so much like how when queer folk talk about queer issues. we don’t have to step around shit like we do when we talk to allies. it’s such a comfort. that’s what fall out boy feels like to me, it’s written by these boys who know what it is to be deathly sick and who’re talking to kids who’re deathly sick themselves.) 

sorry fuck i... have a lot of feelings about fall out boy. 

anyway, spirk 

Born under a bad sign, but you saved my life That night on the roof of your hotel "Cross my heart and hope to die Splinter from your headboard in my eye" Photo-proofed kisses I remember so well

“born under a bad sign” can refer to genesis and spock being reborn but it can also refer just to spock being born into adversity. also jim’s a fucking pisces and so am i and listen, it’s the worst fucking sign okay 

“you saved my life that night on the roof of your hotel” could like. theoretically. just be something that happened. a small memory. they’ve gotta go to some stupid starfleet thing because let’s be real jim’s always under question as the captain of the flagship and spock’s always under question as a vulan in starfleet and. i think for the both of them the “you saved my life” is less urgent than ‘i was actually going to jump off this roof’ and serves as more of a ‘you made me believe in myself again’ because they do that for each other. so. often. 

listen i don’t even know what ‘splinter from your headboard in my eye’ means for the song meaning irl, i’m just ignoring this

“photo-proofed kisses i remember so well” the little Vulcan kisses they give each other all the time as small comforts through the day aren’t recognized by the press or the brass so they can do it in front of everyone as much as they like, as long as they’re discreet -- fingers pressed against each other at their sides, while passing each other in the hall, etc.  

i’m repeating the chorus here because i fucking love it 

(chorus) Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns I sleep with your old shirts And walk through this house in your shoes, I know it's strange It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you I'm supposed to love you

anyway this is the gayest thing i’ve ever typed out in my life, it felt really nice to do, thanks for your time

if you actually read this whole thing you are entirely too good to me and i don’t deserve your friendship, but thank you so much this really means a lot to me

[shakespearean-tc]

Teacher Crush Background

Originally posted March 29th, 2019 Some background on me and A.

I know that like, I haven’t known him for 2 or 3 years like others in the community, but… I dunno I really needed to get my story out because keeping this in is so hard

He started teaching at my high school around late January. He’s small for a guy, like 5′ 5-6″. I’m almost 5′ 10″ so??? theres an issue haha but hes adorable. We’re 6 years apart? Does this even matter? Who knows.

Anyway, he began as our student teacher and I seriously thought that he was such a dork at the beginning. It was an endearing thought, but he seemed so quirky? Which isn’t a bad thing but he had sO MuCH ENERGy. hes a millenial so like he knows all of the memes and vines and omg i just- Yeah. He’s a good teacher and he’s gone through some rough stuff, but he’s just??? Such a wonderful guy.

Eventually, I found out he was a huge nerd? i was just talking about Legend of Zelda with my friend and he just literally like I swear to god, his ears perked up and he was like “Yo were you just talking about Majora’s Mask?” And i was like “Uh wow, yeah i was how tf did you-” “OMG I LITERALLY LOVE THAT GAME SO MUCH ITS MY FAVORITE”

But I guess??? I’ll just like share some times when I really was like “omg i think i have a crush” because why tf not i dunno what the heck im doing

1- This is like 2 weeks in since he’s been teaching us. We were doing an exercise so that we could work on our natural reactions, yeah? You would say a word and the other people in your group would answer with the first word that came to mind. Because in theatre, it’s really difficult to fake a genuine reaction to something and also because improvisation my dudes

But anyhow, I was bored and I just kinda was like “Trauma.” And my friend, E, goes, “PTSD” and then my other friend just yells “TYLER” and A just leaped up and was like “CONCERN?!??!?!” and so he just walked over and we were laughing so hard i could hardly breathe, but he just looked at us, slightly concerned, and my friend made some stupid comment, I cant even remember what it was but i started laughing even harder that i snORTED and he looked at me and I just went bright red and he started laughing SO HARD THAT HE WAS ALMOST CRYING and we finally calmed down and i just kinda mumbled “omg i hate my laugh that was awful” and he just smiled at me and was like “Hey, don’t. it’s real and it’s an awesome laugh. i love it.”

2- This was probably about a month in or so. Middle of February. He started out coming to class dressed like?? Really nice, and hes got long hair so he always wore it in a ponytail. He was in like slacks and dress shirt, tie, etc, etc. I always thought it was kinda cute, but then one day, out of the blue- He shows up to class with his hair down, jeans, sneakers, a zelda shirt and this really nice leather jacket- i swear to god he walked into class and i like glanced up from my sketchbook and had to do a friggin double take??? He looked like a different man??? but he looked so much more comfortable like jeez wow he looked so nice, and now he dresses like this all the time

3- One day after class, i was packing up my stuff, and it was just me and him in the classroom. out of the blue he started coughing really hard and really bad and i like dropped everything and was like “OmG ARE YOU OKAY DO YOU NEED HELP” and he just kinda shook his head, and drank some water. after a minute he turned to me, and was like “No, im ok, im okay” and i was like “okay, but??? are you sure??? that scared me” and he sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose and said “listen, idk if ill tell the rest of the class, but… you cant tell anyone about this because its embarrassing.” and i was here thinking “wtf is it??” and he says “I have Cystic fibrosis (ill refer to this as CF later on in my blog posts at some points).” and i looked at him all weird and was like “what is that” and he tells me “its hard to explain but basically my lungs dont work right and its hard for me to breathe a lot of the time.” and i just “how come ive never heard of it?” He says “Its really rare. its a life threatening disease, and i dont like to tell many people about it because i feel like they treat me like im delicate and fragile, and i dont want to be treated like that. please don’t tell anyone else.” and i smiled softly and nodded. “Okay I won’t. Just… let me know if you need help.” He smiled at me. “Thanks M. Will do. Have a good day.”

4- In late February. We were working on memorising our scenes that we had written and one of the other groups had just finished theirs. it was a very sad scene and he was like “Ouch, right in my feels. good job guys.” And he started walking out of the room, when one of the girls was talking to me and said “yeah, were gonna have her die in the end” and by now, A is out of the room, but i hear like a very soft thumpthumpthumpthump and he runs back into the room and yells “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’VE DONE THIS” and runs out, leaving the rest of us dying of laughter. (another time me and my friend were quoting vines and she goes “say colorado!” and he runs up behind up and just “IM A GIRAFFE”)

We’re really good friends, always talking after class and sharing jokes. He sometimes rants with me after school.

I guess this last one is when I realised I was… almost falling in love with him. I know it sounds so silly, but idk its nice to finally be able to say it.

This was the 1st of March. It was the night we were performing our scenes, and there was like 100-150 people in the audience. I have bad stage fright, but what you need to know is that I had a boyfriend a few years back who killed himself, and sometimes I see people that look like him, and i almost get… triggered?? Idk how to explain it but i break down. Anyway, we were backstage and I was helping one of the groups carry off their props when, for some reason, I looked out into the audience and I froze. Because in my eyes, there was a man sitting there that looked identical to my dead boyfriend. I started to shake, and I dropped the prop I was holding. Luckily the lights were almost completely out, so the audience could hardly see anything. My friend grabbed me and the prop and dragged me off stage. I got out into the hall next to the theatre and i just stood there, like a deer in headlights. the hall was almost completely empty, and my friend was like “are you alright?” i told her i was fine, and that I just needed a minute. she went back into the theatre to watch the other groups perform. i was alone in the hall now, and everything hit me like a brick. i began to get really dizzy and i started to lean against the wall. every time i closed my eyes, all i saw was that man, and i started to sob. i was shaking and i felt like i was going to die. i was already really anxious about our scene, and i was hitting the wall with my fist because i was kinda mad at myself. my boyfriend had been dead for about a year, and i got so upset with myself when i thought about it because i blamed myself for everything and i felt stupid because he’d been gone for so long. my knuckles started to bleed and thats when I heard the backstage door shut and I whipped my head around to see A there. I quickly tried to wipe away my tears and pretend like I was fine. He looked at me, and the rest went as such:

A: “M? What’s the matter? Why are you crying? Are you okay?” Me: “Yeah, I’m fine. Totally fine. Peachy. I’m great.”

I laughed and I wiped more tears from my eyes, but the salt started to sting my bleeding knuckles. I hissed in pain, and his eyes widened. He grabbed my hand.

A: “M? What… Why are your knuckles bleeding? You’re- You’re crying. You’re obviously not alright.”

I laughed again, shaking my head.

Me: “No. I’m fine.” A: “Your knuckles are bleeding. You are NOT fine. Please. Tell me. What’s going on?”

I took a deep breath, and I heard the other door open. The other group must’ve been finished with their scene. Some of the other kids began filing out and I tried to make it look like I hadn’t been crying.

“Excuse me?” I heard someone ask.

A and I both turned around. And lo, and behold. That man. was right there. I dont know his name. i know nothing about him. but he was a spitting image of my boyfriend. “Do you know when (name of my classmate) is performing her scene? She’s my younger sister, and I’ve got to get home soon, but I don’t want to miss it.” He informed us.

I turned around again, trying not to freak out while A told him that they would be on stage soon. The man went back into the theatre, along with my classmates. I was choking back tears and A must’ve noticed. A: “M? Are you sure you’re okay? You look like a deer in headlights.” Me: “Who is he? I- I don’t want to see him again, he looks like- like-” At this point in time, I couldn’t hold much back. I began to cry all over again and A sat me down against the wall. I told him everything. I told him about my boyfriend, the suicide, my anxiety, how I was so scared to get on stage, and that I couldn’t handle seeing that man. I told him all of it. When I was done, he reached for his shirt collar and pulled out a locket. He opened it, showing it to me. A: “Do you see her?” There was a young woman in the photo with A, and they were both laughing.

Me: “She’s pretty. Who is she?” A: “My sister. She passed away from CF when I was 16. I wear this locket to remind me of her and how she was one of the only people who believed in me, especially when no one else did. Everyday, it keeps me strong, and reminds me that I can go through hard things and make it out alright in the end. Now, I want you to listen closely. First of all, your boyfriend’s suicide was NOT your fault, okay? No matter what. It was his decision, and I know that he wouldn’t want you to spend your entire life blaming yourself for something he chose. Second, you have no reason to be scared on stage. I’ve seen you trying so hard to get your lines memorised and become this character. You’re such an amazing actress and you’ve no reason to feel uneasy. Stage fright is hard. It really is.” He grabbed my hands at this point. “But you are AMAZING. And you are going to be so wonderful up there on stage. I have faith in you M.”

I swallowed, and nodded, wiping my eyes. He stood up, and helped me stand up. A: “Now c’mon. Let’s go see if we can find some bandaids for your hands.” We both went to the classroom, found some bandaids and cleaned off my hands. When it came time for our scene, he wished me good luck. For once, I felt confident. I felt like I was alright. After the entire show was over, we were cleaning up the stage. My friends were waiting outside for me by my car and I went over to A. He set down the prop he was holding and turned to me, smiling. A: “You were great! I told you that you could do it!” Me: “Thanks A. I just wanted to let you know that tonight meant a lot to me. I was really upset and anxious, but you made me feel a lot better. You’re a great teacher, and I’m so glad that you’re with us.” He smiled really big. A: “Thanks M. That means a lot to me. You have a lot of potential, and I love talking with you. Have a good night.” I bid him farewell, and since then? Things have been different. We’re… friends, I suppose. We talk after class more often, we have intellectual discussions over email, we share an emotional bond. I guess that’s when I really realised I was basically in love with him. He’s one of the only people in my life who I can feel completely comfortable around, someone that I trust with basically everything. He makes me feel special and of worth, and I know it all sounds so silly, but I really adore him. Thanks for reading this whole big long post, i guess

i really like the tcc community to be honest, even though im remotely new to it. a lot of people seem really cool if you ever want to rant to me or just talk, im here to listen!

[regalvoid]

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1. Are looks important in a relationship? yes of course 2. Are relationships ever worth it? i hope so3. Are you a virgin? no4. Are you in a relationship? yes5. Are you in love? hella6. Are you single this year? no7. Can you commit to one person? yes8. Describe your crush. i talk about them here9. Describe your perfect mate. i dunno bro, they’re just comfortable around me and treat me nice 10. Do you believe in love at first sight? not necessarily11. Do you ever want to get married? i never really cared, i’ve always been relatively indifferent to the idea, until recently that is. Now I think about it a lot.12. Do you forgive betrayal? it depends on how bad of a betrayal13. Do you get jealous easily? ive been known to14. Do you have a crush on anyone? yep15. Do you have any piercings? just my ears16. Do you have any tattoos? I have 3, you can see them here17. Do you like kissing in public? i like kissing anywhere20. Do you shower every day? i used do, im uncomfortable if i don’t21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? absolutely 22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? i dunno, maybe23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? i mean, i hope so, id be lucky if i can be in one for that long24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? I dunno, maybe, i dunno, I’d like to be25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? i am26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? i don’t know27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? yes and it was cheesy28. Have you ever been cheated on? not to my knowledge29. Have you ever cheated on someone? yes30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? not really, i mean sure ive thought about it here and there in passing, but never seriously31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? oh yea32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? several times, yes33. Have you ever had sex with a man? yes34. Have you ever had sex with a woman? no35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? yes36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? only all of them37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? o yea38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? yes39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? yes40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? i used to be really good at poetry, yeah41. Have you had sex so far this year? unfortunately not, but it’s just started after all42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? as long as the other person wants43. How long was your longest relationship? 10 months44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? ive dated 7 people45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? 4 i think, those were the years i dated the most46. How many times did you have sex last year? i think, based on what you classify as sex, like 10 times? 47. How old are you? 2148. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? “alright, that’s cool, whattya want to do here, lets talk options”49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? hhey’re such so good, i can’t possibly pick just one thing50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? bruh we already made up like we pals51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? within reason52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? yes a lot of people bc sometimes its just not worth the effort53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? not that i know of54. Is there someone you will never forget? well yeah, anyone that’s been my friend or that i’ve dated55. Share a relationship story. okay so my junior year of highschool i asked someone to homecoming and she said “okay, but just as friends, i don’t like you like that” and I was like “sure, that’s cool, i get it” so I spend the next few weeks getting over them and developed a new crush and planned to ask them out the week after homecoming. So homecoming comes and I’m slow dancing with my friend-date when she kisses me. and that was my first kiss so i was like, woah, that’s pretty rad. Then she asked me out and we dated for a week ¯\_(ツ)_/¯56. State 8 facts about your body  i’ve got a piece of pencil graphite embedded in my left palm. i’ve got a big scar on my left arm that i gave myself with my car key and is almost faded.  I have a scar on a finger from when i got it stuck in a christmas ordainment when i was 8. you can see my ribs. i’ve got a 30 inch waistline. I have stretch marks on my thighs. i haven’t bleached my hair in like a year so my roots are longer than the bleached part at this point. i can wiggle my ears. I have some fairly stretchy skin.57. Things you want to say to an ex i know we dont really talk anymore but i still support you and hope that you’re doing alright58. What are five ways to win your heart? be cute, be good to me, kisses, kisses, more kisses59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) here

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? 369 days61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? eyes62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? i dunno63. What is your definition of “having sex”? i dunno, like,,,, i dunno, this isn’t my area of expertise   64. What is your definition of cheating? i dunno, like,.. i can’t. . . . i can’t answer this right now, ill do the rest later.......