#i also did not use this kind of clay in college we used like proper baked clay stuff and this is air dry

[brittlebutch]

truly i have not done any kind of sculpting in years but the new season sent me into a State and now here we are

[frodos-bizarre-adventure]

@gingerreggg y'all mind if I continue this travesty (part 1)

Heads Up- Part 2 (Joseph x Bust! Caesar)

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

The sun shone brightly through Joseph's window, its dazzling radiance rousing the exhausted artist from his slumber.

Well, that was a strange dream, he thought.

He remembered everything that took place last night. When he started seeing things, perhaps having a nightmare, fueled by his anxiety about finishing college. About graduating, becoming a professional, chasing his dream.

Anxious enough to dream that his creation started talking to him.

Joseph sat up and saw himself staring at an empty table across the room. There was nothing there, save for a few pencils and sheets of paper.

"C-Caesar?" he asked, somewhat reluctantly as if refusing to affirm the name from last night's dream. No reply.

He walked out of his room, heading toward the kitchen to make himself his morning coffee. And first thing he saw, resting atop the kitchen table, was his bust, his magnum opus, resting still and silent with vacant eyes staring into nothingness.

Like any proper sculpture should.

Joseph sighed and began to pour himself a hot cup. He turned his back on the bust for a moment, stirring his coffee and taking a sip.

And then he heard a voice.

"Well, Joseph, didn't expect you so early," it said.

Joseph flinched, spitting out his coffee from sheer surprise. He wheeled around with a confused frown, his shirt and face drenched in hot coffee, only to come face to face with his bust--once again animate, expressive and alive, like last night.

Caesar.

Caesar made a few small hops to face himself in Joseph's direction and chuckled lightly to himself, his eyes once again bright and alive.

"Y-you're real..." Joseph said, pointing at Caesar. "You're...not a dream, are you?"

"Suppose not," Caesar said matter-of-factly. "And you'd left me here on this table all night."

Joseph scratched his head.

"Ugh...sorry about that," Joseph said, sheepishly.

"Would you mind setting me down on the floor?" Caesar asked, somewhat annoyed in tone. "I've been so uncomfortable here being so high up and afraid of falling..."

Joseph set down his coffee cup and dried his hands. "Sure thing, I guess," he said with a shrug, and with a little strain lifted the heavy sculpture and rested him gently on the ground.

"Thank you," Caesar sighed, looking around the house now that he was on a more comfortable level. He turned his neck from side to side as he took in his surroundings, looking around from side to side.

"You've got a pretty cozy place to stay, don't you?" Caesar said, as he began to hop. Joseph just stared in confused acceptance of the situation as he watched the flesh-toned bust, looking every bit like a truncated stump of a man, slowly and clumsily make its way toward his living room.

Joseph watched as Caesar hopped, making heavy thumps as he went. He was certainly as heavy as he looked, made of dense clay, and with hop his tiny residue of a torso barely just cleared the floor, propelling him forward a few inches each time.

Joseph felt a pang of guilt seeing how difficult it was for Caesar to move. He felt responsible for his sorry state. Not that Caesar seemed to mind as of the moment, thumping along slowly but surely toward the living room to inspect its contents.

"I better just leave you on the floor for now," Joseph assessed. "Wouldn't want any nasty falls ruining my perfect artwork."

"You're such a tease," Caesar replied.

With a smile, Joseph retreated into his room to check on the rest of his work. With Caesar on the floor and the door locked, he figured he should let Caesar get a chance to look around for a bit after being stuck on the table all night.

-----

Caesar looked around with curiosity and fascination around the house as he hopped his way along. With all the furniture, appliances, and even Joseph himself towering above the living bust, just a bit over a foot tall with only a head, neck and a bit of chest and shoulders, everything appeared huge in comparison to Caesar from his perspective on the floor.

Caesar felt so small.

But why? Wasn't he only created yesterday, as Joseph had said? How come he felt like he should be bigger? That something felt missing? If he had been alive only for a day, how come he knew the names of the things in Joseph's house, like the whirring thing called a refrigerator, or the noisy thing called a television?

As if he'd seen them before?

Yet in his current state Caesar's reduced form didn't feel...wrong. Just... strange. He didn't know whether it was strange in a bad way, or a good way, but he decided he shouldn't be bothering himself with such thoughts as of the moment, as his curiosity got the better of him and he continued to explore the house.

-------

Meanwhile, in his room, Joseph was trying to study. The bust--no, Caesar,-- was his final project, due in two months, but he still had other things to work on, reflection papers, sketches, that were to be passed sooner.

Joseph figured he'd deal with those first and foremost, before he had to figure out how to pass his semester with his project now turned into his unexpected roommate. That problem could wait for now.

But as Joseph attempted to finish his sketches, some heavy thumps from outside, along with faint, strained groans of effort, caught his ears. He tried to ignore it at first, but soon it began to bother him as a few hours passed.

Thump. Ugh. Thump. Ugh.

Joseph dropped his pencil and buried his head into his arms with a sigh.

Had he condemned Caesar to exist as such? As a half-formed, incomplete creation, that also happened to now be a living person?

Joseph wondered if he could complete his project, or rather, add more to it. He after all had only planned Caesar to be a bust--but now that he was alive and aware, was it wrong to keep him a bust?

He didn't know how to sculpt bodies, which why he'd stopped with a head in the first place. He pictured how much extra clay he would need, how long it would take, weeks maybe, and whether he should set aside his other projects to make Caesar complete.

What was more important right now? His semester, or the being he accidentally ushered to life?

It was late afternoon by the time Joseph surrendered in his attempt to finish his sketch. His stomach grumbling, he left the room to fetch himself dinner.

--------

Joseph opened his door to be greeted by a series of bouncing thumps. He looked downward and saw Caesar hopping toward the kitchen.

"You seem to have gotten quite good at this," Joseph said, amused.

"I've been practicing," Caesar replied. "It's all I got going for me."

Joseph watched amazed as Caesar continued to hop around. He'd learned how to thrust his head forward with each jump, and, able to move his residual shoulders ever so slightly for added momentum, was able to catapult himself for longer, more stable jumps, managing to maintain his balance upright with each landing on his now-flattened base, which had rubbed off a little paint but was otherwise intact.

Joseph wondered if it was uncomfortable for Caesar. Did he get tired? Did his muscles ache being forced to move this way?

But looking at Caesar, as he inspected the cupboard under the stairs, he felt not. He hopped like he'd always had, despite his earlier complaints last night about not having a body, and being made of clay, Joseph supposed he didn't have any muscles for him to ache, anyway.

It was surprising how quickly Caesar managed to adapt.

"What are these?" asked Caesar, as he hopped over to a small box on the floor. Using his lips, he gently picked up a small object--a paintbrush-- and turned to look toward Joseph with the brush in his mouth.

"Those are my art supplies," Joseph scolded, as he came over and took away the brush, placing it back in the box and lifting the box onto a table, out of Caesar's reach. "Please don't mess around with them." Caesar frowned in disappointment.

"Though I do have to admit, I'm impressed," Joseph chortled as he placed the box of art supplies onto the living room table. "Looks like you've also learned how to pick up and hold objects with only your mouth."

"It's not like I have a choice," Caesar replied with a shrug, or at least the closest approximation to a shrug that he could manage. "I have no hands, remember?"

"Like I could forget," Joseph snarked back, kneeling down to be closer to his level and playfully poking a finger into Caesar's partial chest.

"And since you've figured out how to move around, and pick up and hold stuff, perhaps I ought to teach you how to do some tasks and activities, so you won't be all too helpless, even though you're...well..." He gestured toward Caesar's stub of a torso, prompting an annoyed grimace from the clay figure.

"Hmph, oh well," Caesar grumbled. "At least that sounds kind of nice to have something to do, it's been dreadfully boring the entire night on the table."

Joseph smiled down at Caesar, but before he could reply, a knock on the door caught both of their attention.

"Joseph!" said a cheerful female voice from outside the front door. "I'm just here for a visit!"

"Suzi!" Joseph exclaimed, panicking. "We can't let her see you!"

---------

(Previous Chapter)

(Next Chapter)

[purplesurveys]

1200

Have you ever felt a baby kick? Yeah, when my mom was pregnant with my brother.

What color pants/shorts are you wearing? I have red shorts on at the moment.

When is the last time you did something truly fun, and what was it? Last Friday, I’d say? Hahaha. Counted down the hours and minutes before the Butter MV drop, celebrating and freaking out with Army when it finally came out, watched the OT7 VLive that happened that afternoon, and streamed the video for nearly 24 hours straight so we could break some records, all of which we ended up achieving. It feels great to stan a group again after being out of the loop for so long lol.

What was the scariest moment of your life? A few men have lunged towards me - just to get attention, I guess? - in the past, while I was just peacefully walking. I always hear them snickering once I’ve flinched, and I always ended up crying once I’ve processed the situation.

Have you ever heard of Leonard Cohen? I know of the name, but I have no clue who he is or what he does (did?).

Pancakes or flapjacks? I don’t even know what flapjacks are, so let’s go with pancakes.

What kind of computer are you on? I’m using a Macbook Air.

Do you eat Chinese food? If so, what's your favorite dish? Yes. Minced pork with eggplant.

What are you usually doing at midnight? On weekdays, I spend it in bed, either watching videos or already reading fanfics to get ready to turn in. On Friday nights and weekends, I will usually be found on the rooftop taking a survey or two.

Have you ever developed feelings for a friend, but you were already with someone? No, I’ve never developed feelings for another person while in a relationship.

If so, how did it turn out?

Give me your brief definition of love. I will always stick by this quote, “Love never says, ‘I have done enough.’”

What is the most beautiful part of the human body, male or female? This is subjective, of course, but personally I find it to be thighs.

What kind of shoes do you wear? I’m not wearing any at the moment; but in general, I like to wear sneakers.

What is the worst thing you've ever done when you were really angry? Physical violence.

Are there any pills you take on a daily basis? If so, what? Nope.

Do you like the smell of coconuts? Not so much. I like coconut milk, though.

What is the heaviest you think you can lift? I think my personal best was like 60 or 70 lbs, back when I had weight training classes for PE in college. I remember being in so much pain once I gave the 80 lbs barbell a shot.

Do you take Tums? No.

Have you ever walked on a pier at the beach? ...Ugh. I’m pretty sure I’ve taken this survey very recently but I might as well just take it again because I don’t feel like searching for another. Anyway, I haven’t... at least not that I can remember.

How about under one? Definitely not.

At what age do you first remember feeling butterflies in your stomach around someone? I was around 12 when I was starting to feel confused about getting nervous around Andi.

Do you feel that way around anyone now? I don’t.

Do you ever talk to yourself or think deep thoughts while on the toilet? No haha but I usually bring my phone with me to keep me company.

Do you ever sing to yourself? Pretty often.

What is a sound that relaxes you? Ocean waves.

How hard has it been to reach your main goal in life? I don’t have a main goal set in life. I just live in the now and try to do things or make decisions that would keep me consistently happy.

Do you remember the song about hoes in different area codes? HAHAHAHAHA definitely took this recently; this is so embarassing. No, I still don’t know about this song.

What is your main heritage? Filipino.

What kind of pickles do you prefer, if you like pickles? I hate pickles and I find them absolutely nasty, but there are other pickled things I like, like radishes.

What kind of cheese do you prefer, if you like cheese? Mozzarella and feta.

If you could have a sea creature as a pet, what would you want? No thanks. I’m not capable of providing them proper care.

How about a farm animal? I would just stick to dogs.

So, do you have hoes in different area codes?

What is the most annoying song you can think of that came out recently? I’ve been in a BTS bubble for a solid month or so and I honestly can’t tell you my opinion about songs that have recently come out, because I literally don’t know any.

What is a song that you hate to admit you like? There isn’t any I’m guilty about.

What inspires you to get off your bum and do something productive? Knowing I’ll feel accomplished once I do it.

Do you ever use Urban Dictionary? Never anymore. I used to browse through it only when I was a lot younger.

Do you find the definitions on there to be generally funny or stupid? Both.

What comes to your mind when you hear the word 'transformation'? The Transformers series, lol.

What was something you regularly played with as a child? I always liked clay and I never really graduated from that interest, since I find the texture fascinating and fun to play with.

Have you ever given in to peer pressure? Sure.

If so, what did you do? I had my first sip of alcohol at Kaira’s 18th birthday and I was feeling left out since literally everyone else was drinking. For vaping, Gabie introduced it to me; and for smoking, it was another case of FOMO that made me want to try it out.

What part of your body have you had the most problems with in your life? My back.

Do a lot of people check you out when you're in public? Idk? I don’t take note of that kind of attention, anyway; I would find it creepy.

How many people do you know for sure to be interested in you right now? Zero.

What is a good name for a turtle? I think it would be the same process as the way I think it would be for any other pet; it would depend on their personality, their aura, etc. 

Can you imitate any accents well? If so, which one(s)? Not really. I can read Hangul and am familiar with the different tonalities used in Korean but I wouldn’t say my imitation would be considered spot-on.

Do you like having your ear nibbled on? Yes.

What makes a good kisser a good kisser? When they know how to use their tongue in a teasing way, for one. Eugh it’s too early for this lol

How many times a year do you have a family thing? What even is a family thing?

What are the best things to put in a smoothie? I don’t like smoothies.

Do you ever eat with your eyes closed and just focus on the taste? Yup, especially when I’m either eating somewhere pricey or when I’m eating at one of my favorite restaurants.

What do you dislike most about where you live right now? It’s a pretty uneventful city, and if I want to have some fun I always have to go to Manila.

Has anyone ever given you a rose/roses? Yup.

Are you watching your weight? No.

Have you ever became really good friends with someone you found online? Yes. Aliyah and I are still friends and I’m glad we’ve been able to maintain our friendship even after mine and Gab’s falling out. It’s a shame the three of us didn’t get to meet in real life though, and it will 100% never happen now. I also used to have a group of Twitter friends back in my wrestling stan days but it’s been a very long time since we’ve gone our separate ways. I have yet to find friends on Army Twitter but I really doubt I would get to build established friendships any time soon because EVERYONE IS SO YOUNG OVER THERE

What makes your best friend your best friend? They understand me better than anyone else does.

Do you have a drunk uncle? I have a couple of them.

Do you hear weird noises in your house at night? Nope.

What is something you do that is generally more like something the opposite sex does? Ignoring this question.

What is the girliest thing you do, if you're a girl? Also ignoring this.

What is the coolest tattoo you've ever seen? I find line tattoos to be pretty cool and beautiful in general. The minimalist look it goes for works really well.

Have you ever created anything artistic that you're proud of? If so, what? That vase I molded during my Vigan trip :) It was the first (and so far) only thing I’ve made from scratch, and even though I didn’t get to take it home, I’m still glad I had the opportunity to try pottery.

Do you only eat the middle of the oreo, if you eat oreos? No? That’s pretty wasteful. I eat the whole cookie.

Do you know anyone with a huge ego? Hahahahaha. Yes.

If so, is there anything else about them you actually like? Not anymore, no.

Have you ever used a racial slur, even jokingly? Most likely as a stupid teenager when I didn’t know any better.

Do you have any friends who are more like siblings to you? Angela and Laurice.

If so, what about them do you like most? They’re very easy to talk to, and they’re both selfless and generous.

What is everyone else in your house doing right now? My mom is making dinner while I believe everyone else is just on their phones waiting for the dish to be made.

What is the most money you've ever had at one time? I don’t remember the exact amounts anymore but my mom used to hand me cheques and regularly assign me to pay for me and my sister’s tuition back in grade school and high school, since she had work during the day and didn’t have time to stop by the school herself.

How long do you think it would take you to run a mile? I don’t know but definitely longer than what would be considered a decent duration for a fit person.

Look down. What do you see? I can see my legs but just barely since it’s dark out.

What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable? Topics I don’t know too much about.

What is a subject you can talk on and on about and not get sick of it? BTS, my field, and history.

What kind of mood were you in most of today? Comfortable. We had the aircon on all day and I just watched BTS MVs and live performances, and I don’t really feel bad about being unproductive for once.

Has anyone ever walked in on you naked? Just once or twice.

Tell me an inside joke you have with someone. Togepi.

What is the worst thing someone could do to you emotionally? Tell me hurtful words.

What is the worst thing you've ever done to someone emotionally? Idk...maybe cut them off unexpectedly? I'll usually have no problem doing this with people who make me uncomfortable.

How do you feel now about the first person you ever dated? Nothing. She’s not in my life.

How about the last person (your last ex)? She’s the same person.

What is the best invention ever invented? The internet.

What is something that needs to be invented? Not a completely new invention but I wish programs that can identify songs for you, like Siri, can be more improved to be able to recognize songs just by humming the tone. So far they can only name songs if you play it clearly for a few seconds, but it can be a hassle if I wanna have access to a certain song but only remember the melody and otherwise have no idea what the lyrics are or who sang them.

Describe your eyes. I don’t think they’re anything special. I don’t count them as a striking feature of mine.

What always makes you burp? Eating quickly. And beer.

What is something you hate doing that most couples do? There isn’t anything.

What's your astrological sign? Taurus.

What are you doing tomorrow? I wanna finally watch the Friends reunion special since I didn’t feel like watching it today. I also have a press release to write for one of my clients – they requested for it Friday and want it by Monday :(

[alphapockets]

Discord: New Message Infodump

Yes this is not getting put in the widofjord tag because I don’t like filling up others’ searches with something that is not “directly” linked. *jazz hands* anxiety. BUT here is all I could think of and a sprinkling of things I have seen asked about or mentioned in the comments! May this and the last chapter hold you over <3

Q: Why a text fic?

A: Honestly? I have only ever seen one from VM (there may be others, but I don’t read many fics out of my niche sections?) that was between Grog/Vax (I don’t ship it but when it’s a bar shift #3 in a row that’s 14 hours long, you need entertainment). I had read also Call Me, Beep Me from the VLD fandom as well as Misuse of Stark Technology and thought that it was a strong platform for conversation and storytelling that shows multiple perspectives at once without the constant POV whiplash that can happen otherwise. And with the strong and chaotic personalities of TM9 and the diverse ways the NPCs interacted fit in, I hoped it wouldn’t be that hard to pull off.

I’ll be honest, I was not sure if it would work out or catch on as it is not the most popular form of storytelling. As many people said in the comments of chapters 1-5, people generally don’t enjoy texting fics and skip past them. I am glad I took the risk and that everyone has with me.

 Q: Is it true you have not watched past Ep. 40?

A: Yes. Campaign 2 came out just before I started school, and I decided school deserved my full attention. I was also not as attached at large with the cast as an ensemble as I was with VM. This combined with having anxiety and needing something to be finished before I can enjoy made it difficult to get back into C2. I was lucky that I started Campaign 1 a few weeks before that ended. I will probably watch it when everything is over, but I mostly follow through spoilers and Arsequeef’s gifs.

 Q: What are some of your influences for this?

A: I have seen a lot of people loving the realism of the conversations. I don’t watch TV or movies, but I watch streamers mostly, especially group streamers. Because of this, I tend to hear nothing but natural conversations. I also have been in group chats since the old AIM days and was a bartender for 6 years, so I have pulled from interactions that I have experienced around me. Often when something perfect happens in a chat with my friends I screen shot it for use later (the look spam and how do you uwu are both examples).

 Q: Why that area?

A: I like to use locations I know well if there is a lot of real-world interactions. I am from Massachusetts and I had used Savannah, Ga., for Here’s To Us, where I lived for 4 years.

 Q: Will the chat be renamed to The Mighty Nein or something similar?

A: No. The chat existed before Caleb as that and was set up originally by Fjord and Beau with Molly, Bryce, Darrow, and Yasha. It’s been the Game Hoes for too long in their life to change. There will be some side chats that appear and disappear.

  Q: Didn’t Veth work with Caleb?

A: Originally that was the plan, but halfway through the first chapter, I decided to space everyone out better and missed her name in one paragraph at the beginning of the chapter. I wanted them to know each other but avoid the trope of “direct connection” with strangers to lovers and text fics.

  Q: How tall is Fjord (and the rest of them by proxy)

A: I changed the heights because Caleb is canon “Average height” which in DnD is different than the US. So, he was given a few extra inches to put him at 5’10”. Fjord was scaled up because we love height differences to 6’3” because of that. By order of height:

Veth- 4’11, Kiri- 5’, Keg and Yeza- 5’3, Jester and Rissa- 5’4, Astrid- 5’5, Bryce, Beau, and Wulf- 5’9, Beau, Caleb, Molly, and Ava- 5’10, Yasha- 5’11, Darrow and Essek- 6’, Fjord and Gunther- 6’3, Cad and Enzo- 6’5.

I’m probably forgetting some people.

  Q: Why did Enzo’s arc allegedly end that way?

A: I’m not sure I’m done with him just yet, but the reason it had to be let go like that is simple: legality. Real world consequences to acts would have kind of thrown a wrench in how this all unfolds. And Molly was the character who I felt could bounce back the best from getting a solid ass kicking.

  Q: Why was Astrid faster at accepting than Wulf, and why is he so possessive?

A: Wulf was Caleb’s first real friend and that meant he was the redhead’s world. Astrid came second and she realized how quickly jealousy can sour something. Wulf’s jealousy fed into the break-up. So, despite the awkwardness, she wanted to show Caleb that she meant it when she said they could still be friends.

Wulf was Caleb’s first friend, and he has that sense of seniority in his mind and has a hard time accepting he is not being replaced when new people come around. And as a more dominant person, it was hard for him to have the normally docile friend speak out against him. He is still immature and needed to grow, but has a hard time seeing that is okay right now.

  Q: Where does everyone attend?

A: Amherst College- Astrid, Caleb, Essek, Wulf. Boston College- Cad. Emerson- Beau, Gunther, Enzo, Fjord, Keg, Molly, Rissa, and Yasha. Princeton- Bryce. Hofstra- Jester and Kiri. UConn- Yeza (Graduated). UMass/Boston University/Tufts- NPCs not brought in yet.

**Caleb has stated Jester lives in the City early on because Jester has all her locations on social set to NYC

 Q: Any reason why you picked those schools?

A: I’m a BC fan (and Providence College), my childhood friend went to Emerson, and I was accepted to Hoftstra before I joined the military instead. Amherst was a perfect “nearby” city that was another college town/I am maybe looking at Amherst for a PhD. Program.

 Q: Where is Darrow stationed when not crashing Bryce’s life or deployed? What does he do?

A: Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. He was attached to the 26th MEU (Marine Expeditionary Unit) that goes through the Mediterranean. He currently is on hospital duty as a temporary “relaxation period” for people who are deployed often. As he is a paladin, I thought it’d be a nice touch to have him as an FMF Corpsman.

  Q: Where is everyone from? The holidays showed people all over and it’s mentioned some people were not born in the US or where they were located.

A: This is where that spreadsheet I made comes in handy. Most of the people either grew up in or intend to stay in Massachusetts for a long while. As there are some of the major schools in that area, obviously people would be out of state.

Boston TM9 Party

The Clay Family is in Jamaica Plains, which is just outside of Boston proper. They are from there, minus Toya who is adopted as well and from Maine.

Molly was the godson of Cad’s mother, who is from England and his father had been stationed in England for some time, so when he was essentially orphaned and given up by the indirect family, she put through the paperwork to take him in. Fjord and Yasha stayed with them.

Fjord is originally from Texas, outside of El Paso. After he joined the Navy, he never intended to move home as he hated it there. He fell in love with New England when he was sent TAD (Temporary Assignment of Duty) to the naval base in Newport. He stayed and continued his education at Emerson.

Yasha is from Jamaica Plains as well and went to school with Molly and Ornna, who is the same age as them. Her dad is from South Carolina and her mother is from Okinawa. They moved up north for her dad’s work.

Beau is from Kentucky and her family is unreasonably wealthy. She decided to go to school someplace as un-Kentucky as she could fathom and was stuck between Berkley and Emerson but chose the former because the weather meant her mother would never visit.

The Amherst Crew (Astrid and Wulf) are all from the area except for:

Caleb, was born in Poland to a Polish/German family. They moved and when his family died in a fire (he was at a sleepover at the time) his grandparents took him in. Wulf was still there with his large family and

Essek had returned home to California for the break.

Astrid and her family spent 10 days in Key West for the holidays, which is why she missed the New York trip. Wulf stayed locally for winter break.

The Conn/NY/NJ Groups are pretty straightforward.

The Brenattos stayed in New Haven, where they moved when Luc was born from Amherst. They had moved so Veth could start fresh.

Jester was surprised by a visit from her mother on Christmas Day and spent it with her. It was the first time her mom came from the Ukraine, as Jester’s dad is the one who she moved with. She lives on Long Island not far from her school.

Kiri is from upstate New York and was home for the Holidays.

Bryce drove down to Louisiana. They and Darrow are from Marietta, but they were at their grandmother’s place in Lafourche Parish. Darrow returned to Jacksonville NC.

Others Keg and Gunther were in Rhode Island but separately, where they are both from, Rissa is from Maine and went home, and Enzo was in jail (he is from Lynn, Ma).

  Q: How old is everyone?

A: 5- Luc. 19- Kiri, 20- Jester, Rissa, Keg, and Enzo, 21- Beau, Molly, Yasha, Essek, and Astrid, 22- Caleb, Cali, Reani, and Wulf. 24- Cad, 25- Fjord and Bryce. 27- Veth and Darrow. 28- Yeza.

  Q: If Fjord has the GI Bill why does he live on campus or have a job?

A: For those who don’t know how the GI Bill works, the government pays for education and sends some money based on housing in the zip code of the school. Boston is insanely expensive and student living is easier. Essentially, he wanted the “college experience” and it was cheaper. He needs the job more because he knows better than to let himself get idle. If he does, he won’t focus on school. Like Travis, my Fjord has ADHD.

  Q: How did Veth and Caleb meet?

A: In a Juvenile’s in-patient program for at-risk teenagers and those suffering from mental health issues. Caleb’s depression and anxiety following the death of his parents and the constant bullying for numerous things and previous attempts or ideations had him labeled “at risk” for self-harm. He was in for 3 weeks. Veth was in for her kleptomania and possible signs of disruptive BPD or other developing personality disorders but aged out of the youth section when she turned 18. As most diagnoses cannot be done for those until adulthood, she was being watched for early onset signs.

  Q: How did Jester/Veth get into the group?

A: Jester met Beau, Yasha and Molly at NYCC two years’ prior in line for a panel. They met again at Anime Boston after exchanging Twitter handles a few months later. Jester had worked NYCC a year ago and helped Veth to a quiet room for Luc, who was fussing, then stayed with her as she was on break soon. She invited Veth to play a few games of Don’t Starve Together with her and Yasha before she was brought into the main group.

  Q: This is a really diverse cast. What is everyone and why?

A: Some were obvious choices such as Caleb being from Germany, Jester being from Eastern Europe (Ukrainian), and Molly as Irish (and English).

Others I did to flush out to make a group in a major city make more sense. Wulf and Astrid both have French/ Germanic backgrounds because in canon, they were raised in a similar way. Astrid is Jewish along with Caleb to hint at why it may have been easier for them to date if her family was stricter than his.

Fjord and Yasha faced some racial issues early on in the show (Yasha from where she was from and Fjord for being a half orc), so I wanted them to be people of color. Yasha is half Japanese because of her name and because US troops often marry someone from Japan when they are single and stationed there. Her father is Jamaican in decent. Fjord’s dad he figures is Black but they’ve never met, as his mother’s side are Mexican. I chose that because I wanted to keep the Texan because a lot of people in the service are from Texas. Also, as previously stated, I had too many naturalized or foreign students already and needed to not stress over how they would be around for the breaks.

Cad is English, Norwegian, and Swedish because Cad is a god, who why not make him a Norse god? Veth is half Cambodian partially because there is a decent population size in Massachusetts. Beau is the not white-passing cousin of her family which will come in later because rich families have secrets, yo. Her family has some Cajun/Creole in her like Darrow but it shouldn’t be there according to her family lineage. 

Essek is Persian, Rissa is Puerto Rican, Bryce and Keg are “Confused American Mixes” of everything. Cali I have not decided yet, but will probably have some English in her, Reani I have decided on Moroccan. Kiri is Korean. 

Enzo is an asshole (he’s also mix of random European heritage.) I feel like I missed someone.

  Q: Is Widofjord the only pairing we will see?

A: There are some others forming, including BeauYasha, which was one of the possibilities when I started. Molly/Essek/Astrid were a shock and some others I won’t spoil just yet are starting to bud as hopefuls.

  Q: Do you have an end game in sight?

A: Honestly, as this whole fic has taken on a life of its own, not entirely. It was originally mapped out to be 12 chapters long and have much of this condensed down with all the side characters removed, no Enzo or hockey games, and the extra fluff cut out. As I wrote it, I found I enjoyed that almost more than the Widofjord specifics. So, this has really evolved away from a Widofjord ONLY fic, I am aware. Endgame wise, when I feel the story is told, I will wind it down, but there are more elements evolving with every chapter and I want these characters to get the moments they’re aiming toward. I also don’t want it to drag on too long, so I know that this will eventually come to an end.

 Q: Did anything change relationship wise while writing?

A: 100%. Beau and Jester were originally who I expected to pan out, but my Jes couldn’t seem to devote to that because she had developed more attraction to Molly and Fjord than I expected. Beau and Yasha just clicked better. Molly was the next option for Jester, but then I decided to make Essek and Astrid actual friends with the TM9 and we see how that went.

 Q: Is Jester going to find something happier? It kind of sucked seeing her so down and withdrawn these last few chapters. And where is Nott’s role now?

A: I am trying with Jessy. I am. Here’s to hoping she behaves? As for Nott, she is shining as the mom friend, but her coming into the fray more means bad things are happening. And yes, that is on the way.

 Q: You keep hinting at something in both Caleb and Fjord’s pasts. Are we ever going to see that?

A: Yes. I am trying to space out the angst as much as possible. This was never meant to be a hurt/comfort type story, but people have mental health issues and those because pivotal to the story more than I intended. Maybe the curse of having complete access to everyone’s conversations? But they will be coming out.

[snommelp]

A City on a Hill

Sermon for today, the fifth Sunday after Epiphany, meditating on Isaiah 58:1-12 and Matthew 5:13-20. Minor redactions to remove names.

Isaiah 58:1-12

Shout out, do not hold back! Lift up your voice like a trumpet! Announce to my people their rebellion, to the house of Jacob their sins. Yet day after day they seek me and delight to know my ways, as if they were a nation that practised righteousness and did not forsake the ordinance of their God; they ask of me righteous judgements, they delight to draw near to God. ‘Why do we fast, but you do not see? Why humble ourselves, but you do not notice?’

Look, you serve your own interest on your fast-day, and oppress all your workers. Look, you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to strike with a wicked fist. Such fasting as you do today will not make your voice heard on high. Is such the fast that I choose, a day to humble oneself? Is it to bow down the head like a bulrush, and to lie in sackcloth and ashes? Will you call this a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord?

Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, and not to hide yourself from your own kin? Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly; your vindicator shall go before you, the glory of the Lord shall be your rearguard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am.

If you remove the yoke from among you, the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil, if you offer your food to the hungry and satisfy the needs of the afflicted, then your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom be like the noonday. The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail. Your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to live in.

Matthew 5:13-20

‘You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled under foot.

‘You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hidden. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.

‘Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfil. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not one letter, not one stroke of a letter, will pass from the law until all is accomplished. Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, will be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

[[PRAY]]

Great crowds have been following Jesus. They’ve heard about this miracle man, who’s been wandering all through the region of Galilee teaching and preaching and healing all sorts of disease and illness. People have come from Galilee, the Decapolis, Jerusalem, Judea, even from beyond the Jordan. They all want to see this man, to hear his teaching, to figure out what he’s all about. One day, on top of a mountain, he sits down to teach. I can imagine being in that crowd, the eager anticipation, waiting to find out what profound teaching he’s going to offer.

He sits to teach, and says to the crowd: “You are salt.”

Um… thanks? I guess? What’s the proper response to that? “Thanks, I think you’re nutmeg”?

“You are the salt of the earth.”

What does it mean to be salt? Well, let me tell you all about one of my earlier adventures in cooking. I decided that I was going to try to cook up a simple chicken and rice dish, and I was going to improvise the whole thing. Now I might have been a novice in the kitchen, but you don’t have to know how to cook to know that chicken doesn’t have a very strong flavor of its own and neither does rice. So I decided to cook it with a little bit of a Mexican seasoning that I had lying around. When it was all done I sat down to eat, and it was bland. I couldn’t understand it. I wondered if maybe I’d just forgotten to use the seasoning, but I could feel the spiciness on my tongue, so that couldn’t be it.

Then I realized I hadn’t added any salt. So I went into the kitchen and shook in just a tiny bit of salt and stirred it up. The very next bite exploded with flavor.

Because that’s what salt does. That’s what salt is for. When you put salt in your food it draws out all the other flavors that you wouldn’t have noticed before. Of course salt also has a flavor all its own, and if you use too much salt that’s all you’re going to taste, but when you use salt right it enhances your food and makes it that much tastier.

What does it mean to be the salt of the earth? It means letting the flavor of your discipleship enhance the world all around you. It means that when you follow the Great Commandment to love God and love your neighbor, it draws out goodness and love everywhere you go, and in that way you help to bring the Kingdom of God.

“You are the light of the world.”

Okay, this one seems a bit easier. On an intuitive level, we understand that light is good. But still, we don’t necessarily take the time to think about what’s good about it. What does it mean to be light?

Jesus tells us: when you light a lamp, you put it on a lampstand, and it gives light to the whole house. I borrowed this lamp from our district superintendent -- I’ll confess when Jesus said “lamp” I was imagining something more like the lamp from Aladdin, but to be perfectly honest this clay lamp is probably closer to what Jesus would have used. This small lamp can give light to a whole house. You don’t need a big bonfire, a small light can dispel the darkness.

I went to college out in Flagstaff, Arizona. If you don’t know a lot about Flagstaff, the first thing to know is that it’s in the Arizona hill country. The city is at a base elevation of 7000 feet, and then there are mountains. And actually, the mountains in Flagstaff are the remnants of a long-dead volcano. Several times in college, I went with one group or another out to one of the national parks, and after a short hike we would come to a hole in the ground. This hole was caused by a cave-in, and climbing down into the hole brought you into a lava tube, a tunnel which was carved tens of thousands of years ago by the lava of that volcano.

Twenty yards into the cave, all natural light was gone. The cave was probably 300, 400 yards long, before you got to another cave-in that even the smallest person couldn’t crawl past. And the tradition was, when you reached the end of the lava tube, everyone in your group would sit down together in a circle. And shut off all of their flashlights. There, beyond the reach of the sun, the darkness was so complete that you could feel it. It was suffocating. Then, someone would pull out a little lamp like this one, or a small candle, and light it. That small light filled the cave, drove the darkness away.

What does it mean to be light? Light doesn’t exist for its own sake. It shines so that others can see. It shines to bring others out of the darkness. A lighthouse shines to guide travelers on a dark and frightening ocean. A city on a hill shines its light out to the surrounding countryside, guiding and welcoming lost and weary travelers. So what does it mean to be the light of the world? It means living a life that constantly shines the light of the love of Christ, dispelling darkness and welcoming the lost and the lonely into the Kingdom of God. Even if you see someone else and think that they’re a big bonfire while you’re just a small oil lamp, let your light shine, for the glory of God.

You are the salt of the earth. You are the light of the world. You are a city on a hill. Salt and light, which exist for the sake of others. And as I was meditating on Jesus’ message here in Matthew, it struck me just how much it echoes the message of the prophet Isaiah from so long before him.

When the Lord spoke through the prophet Isaiah, the people had a problem. Two problems, really, but they were two related problems. First, the people were treating God like some kind of divine vending machine. Put prayer in, push the buttons to make your selection, get out your desired result. And in fairness to the people of Israel, that’s how all of their neighbors did it, how the Canaanites and the Assyrians and the Babylonians and the Akkadians all interacted with their gods. Make the right sacrifice, say the right words, do the right hand gesture, and the gods will make it rain on your fields. Do a different sacrifice, say different words, different hand gesture, and the gods will smite your enemies.

It’s how all the neighboring nations did it. But when God led the people out of Egypt, God told them not to be like the neighboring nations.

Second, the people were selfish. Even on the sabbath and the holy days, they served their own interests. They oppressed their workers. They quarreled, fought, struck on another with wicked fists. They would even hide themselves from their own family members just so that they wouldn’t have to be inconvenienced by helping someone.

And God spoke to the prophet Isaiah, and through Isaiah said to the people “you wicked and rebellious people! What do you think you’re doing? Do you really think that you can force me to do your will, with these empty gestures and this self-serving piety? Look at yourselves! Do you really think that this is what I want?”

“I’ll tell you what I want. I want you to loose the bonds of injustice! I want you to let the oppressed go free! Share your bread with the hungry! Clothe the naked! House the homeless, yes even in your own homes! This is what the Lord requires of you: to do justice, to love mercy, to walk in humility! Do this, and when you call I will answer you. Do this, and I will satisfy your need. But do this. Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream. This is the fast that I desire. Thus says the Lord.”

That phrase has been stuck spinning around in my head for years now. This is the fast that I choose. In just two and a half weeks, we’ll be starting Lent - Ash Wednesday is on February 26. Since at least the fourth century, Christians have been preparing for Easter with this extended season of reflection and repentance, prayer and fasting. Some people will give up chocolate or soda. Others will skip entire meals, or might not eat any meat from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday.

But it occurred to me that all too often, my approach to Lent is far too similar to the problems that the people of Israel were experiencing. As a child, I would give up chocolate for Lent, and I would focus on how annoying it was, and think about how God was in my debt because of all the chocolate I could be eating. But what is the fast that God chooses? Justice, mercy, compassion; food for the hungry, clothing for the naked.

And so this year my fast is going to be a little different, and I’m inviting you to join me. I am going to monetize my fast, in a sense. I haven’t decided what I’m giving up yet, but let’s use soda as my example. I have a soda with my lunch every day. During Lent, when I don’t have that soda, I will also be setting aside the money I would have spent on that soda. That dollar 75 is gone, as if I spent it. And on Easter Sunday, as we celebrate the risen Christ, we’re going to have a special collection in addition to our usual offering, where we take up the fast that we set aside, and we’re going to give it all to [redacted] here in [redacted].

Your fast might be small, or it might be big. But even a small oil lamp can light up an entire house. Even just a pinch of salt can draw out an explosion of flavors in a meal.

As you leave this place and go out wherever God may lead you, go out to be salt. Be light. Be a city on a hill. Shine the love of Christ everywhere you go, to show the way to the lost and weary travelers.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

[fastcurious]

The Last Curious Man / The enormous life of Anthony Bourdain, according to those who knew him best

published on GQ

+ https://www.gq.com/story/anthony-bourdain-men-of-the-year-tribute

Chris Bourdain is searching for a word that he cannot quite find. We're sitting together in a small café in Grand Central Terminal, drinking table wine and talking about his late older brother, Anthony. Chris has a habit of looking away as he's talking to you, one of many physical traits he shares with Tony. And right now he is thinking, with Bourdainian intensity, for a way to sum up his brother succinctly, and for a very specific reason.

"The death certificate that was printed in France," he tells me, "listed as his profession 'chef.' And I tried for months to figure out, what is the appropriate way to describe what Tony has been doing for the last seven or eight years? There's no description for it."

It's true. There is no easy description for Tony Bourdain, or for the utterly unique role he managed to carve out for himself in this world. He was a chef. He was an author. He was a very popular TV host—the cheerfully dickish center of the food-media universe. He was an explorer who removed degrees of separation from the world's sociological arithmetic, a man who was always, in his words, hungry for more.

He's gone now. And while everyone I talked to for this story is still coming to grips with the enormity of that loss, one can also sense a fierce determination among them that Bourdain's work cannot end with him. That's why Chris is racking his brain, trying to boil it all down to a simple vocation, a template that others might be able to follow to live richer, fuller lives.

This is Tony, according to those who knew him best.

Bourdain with the staff of Les Halles.

Philippe Lajaunie (owner, Les Halles, where Bourdain had been executive chef): The first time I met him, he was in the kitchen and cooking. It was a cramped kitchen that had been designed back in the '70s, so it was kind of out of proportion. And he was very quiet. Almost timid. He had just worked a few years for an Italian restaurant, and at the beginning all of his specials were very Italian. So that was rattling my cage a little bit—it was a French restaurant!

Jeremiah Tower (chef): I went by the restaurant, Les Halles, because I'd read [his memoir] Kitchen Confidential when it came out, and I was absolutely wowed by the book. And he asked me what I thought of Les Halles, and I said, "Well, it's a fairly terrible restaurant." And he loved that I said it.

Chris Bourdain (brother): I loved Les Halles. I miss it. Had he ever showed interest in cooking [when we were kids]? No, no, no, no, no, not at all. Zero, zero, zero.

Sam Goldman (childhood friend): The first time I met Tony was the winter of 1969. He was two grades behind me, which in high school made him an entirely different generation. He was new at our school, and this Bourdain kid was tiny. I remember we hazed him just a bit. The first Friday of our ski-club trips, we made him ride in the luggage rack.

Bourdain: I know he didn't like [college], and I know he didn't care. Our parents did not have a lot of money, and I definitely remember, we went to some restaurant in Putnam County, New York, on Route 22, where our parents had a massive, huge fucking argument with Tony: Why are we paying for Vassar? You're fucking up there. Which he was. The upshot of that was he did not go back to Vassar. After that, he ended up working out of Provincetown, Massachusetts, down at the restaurant there.

Miles Borzilleri (Vassar class of 1979): I was on campus for a couple years when he was around. The thing that I remember is Tony used to have two samurai swords. They were holstered around his waist, and he would just go through the day like that. That was part of his little persona.

Jeff Formosa (musician, childhood friend): He was big with nunchucks for a while. I don't know that he was good at striking, but he made them fly around his body, and he didn't hit himself too often. He was a joker, too. He'd run into the next room and turn on a blender or a noisy appliance, and he would start screaming like his hand was caught in it.

David Remnick (editor in chief, 'The New Yorker'): My wife came home one day, and she said, "Look. There's a really nice woman at the newspaper. Her son is a writer. She wanted you to take a look at his work," which seemed...adorable, right? A mother's ambition for a son. I took this manuscript out of its yellow envelope, not expecting much. I started to read. It was about a young cook, working at a pretty average steak-and-frites place on lower Park Avenue. I called this guy up on the phone. He answered it in his kitchen. I said, "I'd like to publish this work of yours in The New Yorker. I hope that's okay." That was the beginning of Anthony Bourdain being published. I don't know if there's any way to put this other than to say he invented himself as a writer, as a public personality. It was all there.

After the success of 'Kitchen Confidential,' Bourdain was approached by freelance TV producers Lydia Tenaglia and Chris Collins, who would go on to form Zero Point Zero Productions, the studio behind 'A Cook's Tour,' 'No Reservations,' and 'Parts Unknown.'

Lydia Tenaglia (co-founder, ZPZ Productions): Chris [Collins] and I were doing a lot of medical shows, like Trauma in the ER. I read Kitchen Confidential, and I said, "Hey, I'm a producer. Can I talk with you?" And [Tony] was like, "Yeah, sure, whatever." We made an appointment to meet at the restaurant. It was in between the lunch and the dinner service, and I walked in, and he was sitting at the bar. He had his chef whites on, unbuttoned, and he was having a drink. He stood up, and my first thought was "He's very tall. We're going to be looking up his nose a lot with our cameras." We watched [him] in the kitchen, clearly in control. He just talked about what traveling the world would be like for him. He had gone to France as a kid, he had gone to Japan once, and that was it.

“I just think it’s lonelier without him in the world.”—Paula Froelich

Bourdain: We were staying with my father's aunt and uncle in France, when I was like 7. There were these two night tables, and they had little drawers you open at the bottom, and in there were the chamber pots. We had to try them. I think we only did number one. We weren't gonna be nasty. We thought it was very funny to pee in them and then pour 'em out in the alley. It was fucking hysterical.

Tenaglia: Chris and I got married in December 2000, and a week after we got married, we left for this five-week foray with Anthony Bourdain. We joke all these years later that we got married and then, a week later, we all got married.

For the first episodes of 'A Cook's Tour,' a TV show with an accompanying book of the same name, Bourdain and his future ZPZ team traveled to Japan, Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand.

Tenaglia: Japan was a fucking disaster.

Chris Collins (co-founder, ZPZ): The mistakes were very clear. He did not engage with us. He would not acknowledge our presence and that we were there working together.

Tenaglia: I think he was thinking, "Great! I just got a free ride to all these countries."

Collins: It was a ruse. It was, I'm gonna double dip here. I'm going to be able to get paid to go make something, and I'm going to write articles.

Tenaglia: We would go back to the hotel and say, "We are so screwed."

Collins: We shot in Japan for probably nine days. And Tony said, "Listen, I gotta fly back to New York. I always cook dinner for my wife's family, Christmas dinner." [Bourdain and his first wife, former high school sweetheart Nancy Putkoski, divorced in 2005.] I'm like, "You gotta fly home?"

Tenaglia: Part of us thought that he may never come back. [He did.] Then we flew to Vietnam. Suddenly he looked around and he had this instant cultural touchstone. His idea of Vietnam, Japan, and Hong Kong all emanated out of literary and film references. And of course he was a voracious reader, one of those just preternaturally gifted people that could absorb what he had read and retain it. He wanted to connect what he had read with the actual experience of that in a very romantic way.

Collins: He started drinking it in, and something inherently changed in that guy. There was something...the smell, the colors...something twisted in his head the right way. It really sounds crazy, but it was "Okay, we've got something."

Tenaglia: He felt it, too. He came alive, because those frames of reference were starting to pop. His sudden inclination was to turn and share that with us. You could sense this excitement, like, "Holy crap, I'm actually on the ground in a location that I have studied, that I know, that I have references to." You know, Apocalypse Now, Heart of Darkness, Graham Greene, the Vietnam War. He was percolating with an excitement that was very genuine.

Collins: It was like a light switch coming on.

Tenaglia: [Before that] he was the guy with the camera around his neck. No, seriously. He went everywhere with his frigging camera, and we'd have to pull it off his neck. He was a tourist! One time, we went to the home of this duck farmer in Vietnam…

Collins: This was unbelievable.... So what they do is duck, wrapped in clay, onto a fucking smoldering fire to cook. Clay hardens, the duck cooks, you crack it open, and you've got duck. So they choked off the duck and wrapped it in the clay, and they put it on the fire.

Tenaglia: There was a big fire that was burning.

Collins: And they hadn't sufficiently choked off the duck! The duck came back to life. So it's broken through loose clay, now the feathers are smoking, and we're all...What do you do? They got the duck back in the proper condition to cook it, and then a 32-ounce Fanta bottle filled with some sort of translucent liquid is brought out.... It was grain alcohol. I mean, you could have cleaned a wound with that.

Tenaglia: The booze, moonshine.

Collins: And it commences.

Cable News Network: A Time Warner Company

After the initial success of 'A Cook's Tour,' Food Network demanded more domestic episodes and more beauty shots of barbecue. Bourdain balked. He and ZPZ went to the Travel Channel a year later and rebooted the show as 'Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations’; the show would eventually migrate to CNN as 'Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown.'

Collins: [Travel Channel] gave us an order of three episodes. Paris was our first shoot. Tony and I are standing outside the restaurant we're going to shoot, and at that point I could see he was smoking like three cigarettes simultaneously, so something was amiss. We took a little walk together, and it was just this welling up of this anxiety and insecurity. "Why are we doing this? What are we doing? What have I done?" And I'm like, "Tony, let me tell you what we've done. We've just agreed on a contract to deliver three episodes. So you better walk this off and get your ass in the restaurant, and we're gonna go to work." People's idea of Tony is formed after 20 years of watching him on television, and there's a sense of like "This guy is the un-muscled James Bond." In fact, he was actually a shy man.

Gabrielle Hamilton (owner and chef, Prune): He was an awkward dude. When he's on, you know, he can perform. And perfectly. But I think he has social anxiety. I know he does. Tony's famously like, "Just don't leave my side. We're about to walk into this room, and there's gonna be 450 people in it. And they're all gonna say hi to me, and can you not be far?"

Eric Ripert (chef, Le Bernardin; Tony's close friend and frequent on-air guest): On camera in Peru, we went to see a shaman. The shaman was explaining what he was going to do, and I was the translator. And I said, "The shaman is gonna put some alcohol in his mouth, and he's gonna purify you by spitting on you." And Tony said, "I don't want to be wet—I don't want anything to do with that." So I translated to the shaman by saying, "Oh, he loves the idea. He's excited about it!" And then Tony went in front of the shaman, and he completely covered Tony with the alcohol.

Daniel Boulud (chef, restaurateur): He wanted to do Lyon. He said, "I want to go to your parents' farm and see [legendary chef] Paul Bocuse and go to your school where you grew up." The problem [was], I drove that car for quite a while. It was basically a piece of fabric, a little thin mat with springs and a tube frame for the seat. It's the cheapest car in France. It has two horsepower.

The car broke down, and we were stuck in the middle of an entrance of a highway, and everybody was screaming at us, because we were closing the traffic during rush hour. It was noon, when the French go home and eat. It was terrible. I felt so bad, and I called my father at home. I said, "Can you come and maybe pick us up or something?"

Ripert: When we went to Sichuan, I knew very well that I was going to suffer with the spices, and he knew, too. He asked me before I went, "Are you okay with that?" And I said, "Yes, I'm gonna be a good sport." Now, I didn't know to which degree I was going to suffer, but it was unbearable. It was so bad that one night I said, "Tony, I can't anymore.… Take me to Hooters."

Next to the hotel was a Hooters. He was like, "You're kidding me." I said, "No, I'm not. I'm not. My stomach is burned, I can't." And he said, "Okay, let's go to Hooters."

And he took all the production, invited everyone. So all the cameramen, everybody, we all went to Hooters in Chengdu in the middle of China. I needed a break. I ordered a burger with a weird name. I needed bread.

Morgan Fallon (director and D.P., ZPZ Productions): Honestly, a lot of times I was so hungry after a scene, I'd just go over and start picking at what was left. And Tony, very lovingly, would refer to us as seagulls.

Josh Homme (frontman, Queens of the Stone Age; composed the theme song for 'Parts Unknown'): He was such a beautiful contagion. He presented such a fascinating doorway to so many other things that aren't within your narrow doorway of what you do. When it was time to write the song for his show, he sent over [Joey Ramone] doing "What a Wonderful World." And I said to him, "Are you sure you want me to do this?" And he just said, "It is a wonderful world. Isn't it?"

Michael Ruhlman (author): There was this woman who was a foodie, but she was a student and she was poor. And she used to go by his restaurant every day. She'd just stand out there, looking in and smelling the smells and thinking about it. One day Tony came out and said, "Hey, I see you here all the time." She said, "Yeah, I can't afford to eat here." He said, "Come in. I'm gonna feed you." And so he fed her a steak and a proper béarnaise sauce while she sat amongst the crowd.

Cable News Network: A Time Warner Company

Between 'No Reservations' and 'Parts Unknown,' Bourdain and the ZPZ team ended up producing 242 episodes. He traveled nearly 275 days out of every year, never stopping, because the mission of the show had grown too important to him and to everyone else involved in making it.

Tom Colicchio (chef, TV host): Anthony took food TV and turned it into something serious. It was about bringing people together around food and trying to get Americans to see someone living in a Middle Eastern country, [that] they weren't terrorists. They were people who live there and had very similar issues to issues we have here, and he was able to do that through food.

Collins: If anything can be said about Tony, he was an unbelievable guest.

Helen Rosner (food correspondent, 'The New Yorker'): I remember sitting across from him at this table at this sort of sticky beer bar and him saying to me, "Helen, it makes a difference if you walk in the door saying, 'I'm going to love it here,' or you walk in the door saying, 'This place is going to suck.' "

Ripert: He never complained about anything. That was something that struck me about Tony. You could be hours in a car, or you could be in freezing weather, or you could be in a room with very unpleasant people, and Tony would not complain, ever.

Matt Goulding (co-founder, Roads & Kingdoms): You could never beat Anthony Bourdain to a meeting. It was impossible. And if you were late to a meeting, you probably wouldn't get a second one. The guy showed up 15, 20 minutes early to everything in his life.

I remember the last time that I saw him was out in L.A., and we were going into Netflix with a show that we were developing with him. We said, "You know what? Let's try to get there 20 minutes early. We've got to beat Bourdain." And so we show up there 22 minutes early into the lobby. Sure enough, there's Tony sitting there with his legs crossed, with his newspaper out and his cup of coffee. And he's like, "Enough, guys, you're never going to beat me."

Nathan Thornburgh (co-founder, Roads & Kingdoms): He traveled incredibly well and efficiently. We just had to make sure he had a lot of Marlboro Reds.

Peter Meehan (co-founder, 'Lucky Peach'): Tony was an excuse to smoke.

Ripert: We were at the French Laundry. The dinner was exceptional, but one of my favorite moments was when they gave Tony a crème brûlée that was infused with Marlboro cigarettes. And I have to say, it was delicious.

Fallon: There was never a show that he was like, "We can just coast through this one. It's not an important show. It's not." It always meant something.

Thornburgh: That guy, he did appreciate a fine thread count.

Goulding: He was a hotel hound. I don't know if you remember, but for the longest time his Instagram stories would only be about his hotel rooms.

Collins: Listen, he deserved it. The guy was on the road a great deal of the year. There were certain shows, it was very clear, like, "I wanna make sure the toilet's got great suction and the thread count on the sheets is four figures."

Tenaglia: We would get his wish list for the next season; there was always this moment of eye-rolling like, "Okay, we're going to Africa, and then we're going to the Caribbean." All right, Caribbean, yes we get it.... There was some calculation going on there.

Fallon: There were folks who wanted to put him at this fancy golf resort near the town of Welch, West Virginia. And they were like, "Tony will be more comfortable there." I was telling them, "No. He's gonna stay in town." It's old, it's run-down, it's not exactly comfortable. You can't drink the tap water there. And Tony showed up there being like, "I love this little hotel!" And he'd just be sitting there on the front porch, screwing around with his phone, kind of absorbing the environment with no one messing with him. And I saw him truly comfortable and happy there.

Collins: Tony was also sorta klutzy.

Tenaglia: Very klutzy.

Meehan: He had an AOL e-mail address.

Paula Froelich (author, journalist): I'll never forget laughing my ass off because he was obsessed with my dog, who's a small dachshund. He'd always walk my dog, and he was so tall and the dog was so long and short, they would look like this movable L.

Collins: It was our first or second Russia shoot. We went out to a decommissioned air-force base where there were two MiGs [jets] sitting on a tarmac that was completely shattered, with weeds coming up. We rig a camera in the cockpit, looking straight up at Tony. Off we go together, and I cannot tell you how exciting it was flying across the [former] Soviet landscape in MiGs, wing-to-wing. And I could see Tony and see the color of his skin changing. He looked like a man that was not going to make it through the flight.

We get to the ground. Tony gets out of his plane. Tony is gray. His skin color was a mess, and we go in and start drinking vodka straight afterwards. He's smoking like there's no tomorrow. So I go out to check the footage from the plane, and the camera was double punched. [It wasn't usable.]

I went back, like, "Tony, we didn't get the footage." He's like, "That's your fucking problem. I'm not going back up there."

Cable News Network: A Time Warner Company

In 2016, before the election, President Barack Obama joined Bourdain for an episode shot in Hanoi, Vietnam, a meet-up that was months in the making.

Jake Tapper (chief Washington correspondent, CNN): The Obama White House reached out to me because Obama was going to Kenya, and somebody had the idea of Bourdain joining Obama and going someplace in Kenya with him. But Bourdain couldn't do it. I don't remember why, but he had something, and I just passed it on. To me, I thought that was funny because…what did he have better to do?

Sandy Zweig (executive producer, 'Parts Unknown'): I think that's probably the only time I've seen Tony nervous.

Meehan: I asked him about the Obama hang, because obviously you ask about that. And he said to Obama, "We're both fathers. Can you tell me, is everything going to be okay?" And Obama said, "Yes, Tony. Everything is going to be okay." And he was comforted by that.

Goulding: We went out to El Bulli. Albert and Ferran Adrià, the brothers, hosted us for a big barbecue there on the beach. And Ferran turned to Tony and said, "How far can you keep going? Where else can you go? You can't go to the moon!" And Tony goes, "Really? Why not? I'll go to the moon and make an episode on the moon. I'll go anywhere."

Tower: We were going to CBS. We were walking down the block to go to the studio, and on the other side of the street were some 15 or 20 really loud, professional strikers. Tough guys from New Jersey, screaming and yelling. They saw Tony, and they turned around and went, "Hey, Tony, Tony, Tony!" And he went over and said, "Hey, guys, you know, I'm doing a show, could you just tone it down for about 15 minutes?" "Yeah, Tony, of course, anything for you." Now, who in the world could get a bunch of New York picketers to shut up, other than Tony? They just turned into little, quiet mice instantly. For about an hour.

Jen Agg (chef, author): I got an advance copy of my book to him and didn't expect much, but within a week he'd sent me a beautiful, cover-worthy quote, and I actually cried. I couldn't quite believe he'd done it.

I was very used to being dismissed/ignored/vilified by the men who run my industry, so when he chose to do the opposite, I was very, very touched.

Meehan: He kinda got to a point where he didn't need to do anything, but he still did everything, 'cause the opportunity that he had meant something to him.

Goulding: He [eventually just got] tired of eating. You could see it. Very rarely he said anything more than, "Mmm, that's really good." I said, "You don't talk about food anymore." And he was like, "What do you need me to tell you? You need me to tell you how the acidity plays off of the richness of the cream sauce? And how the crunch helps refresh your palate? Bullshit. You don't need me."

Off camera, Bourdain still greatly enjoyed cooking, hosting, and gently fucking with loved ones.

Marcus Samuelsson (chef): He took me to this Russian bar [Siberia, a now defunct dive bar located inside a subway station]. This was, like, at two o'clock in the morning. I had my speech and demo the next day. He had his speech and demo the next day, too. He said, "Marcus, you need to get out, because you have to be sober tomorrow, and guess what: I don't. I'm going to do my demo hungover and be fine." I'm completely trashed, and he's laughing. My demo was horrible. I was hungover, and I see Tony and he's just laughing on the stage: "See, I told you."

Ripert: Oh, my God, [that bar] was disgusting. It was dirty. He loved the music, and the music was, in my opinion, horrible.

Doug Quint (co-owner, Big Gay Ice Cream; close family friend): He needed to shut up sometimes. Which I told him.

Tower: There was the time when Tony was supposed to interview me. Tony started asking me questions, and then it turned into about a three-hour monologue about himself. He'd ask a question, but it really wasn't a question, it was an observation. And then I would open my mouth to say something, and he would just then go on with more brilliance.

I kept looking at the director, and she was cracking up and just shrugging. I finally said, "Hey, Tony, are you going to ask me a fucking question or not?"

In 2007, Bourdain married Ottavia Busia. Together they had a daughter, Ariane, now 11 years old. The couple separated in 2016 but never formally divorced.

Collins: A few years ago he was doing a cookbook, and they were testing recipes up at his apartment. So we went up there, and he made a meat loaf that was really horrific. And our daughter was like, "I thought he could cook!" She's 14 now, and after Tony passed away and everyone was putting up their messages outside the restaurant, she went over there by herself, and she wrote a note. And on that note she wrote, "I really didn't enjoy your meat loaf, but the pancakes you made were fantastic."

Quint: You know, at his house especially, he just loved grilling giant slabs of meat. But the first time I ate with him, I was at his house, and he'd prepared pigs in a blanket. Hebrew National pigs in a blanket. That was dinner. From a box. They were horrible. And they were burned. It was pre-emptive. He was like, "I cooked food, but I hope you don't expect much," and then he threw those at us as a joke.

He used to leave the gas stove on. I remember a sign painted over it that Ottavia put up to remind him to turn off the oven or the stove. He would take something off the burner and leave it on.

José Andrés (chef, author): The last two, three years, he was cooking more and more—almost like he was coming back to cooking. He was enjoying cooking again.

Boulud: He was taking pride in doing simple things, even if it was a steak frites. Tony was quite European in a way, in his thinking of cooking. Even French, I would say.

Ripert: When he was renting a house, he was a real chef. You will go to the kitchen, his mise en place was incredible, like something that you see only in fine-dining restaurants. He was so precise with all the ingredients in the different containers that were perfectly placed on the table. He never cooked anything bad for me.

Quint: He's the kind of host like Ina [Garten] or Martha [Stewart], who has Tupperware ready to go at the end of a meal. He made sure there were extras and that you went home with stuff.

Homme: He liked all the bits that were well beyond what I liked. They make tripe out in the desert in these giant cauldrons, for all the guys who pick grapes and citrus. He was like, "Tripe!" I was like, "I can't believe you're excited about tripe." He's like, dad-joking, "It takes guts to love tripe."

Andrés: He never got his scuba-diving permit. I gave him a computer, and he did the course at the same time with my 10-year-old daughter. He had to study to take his scuba-diving diploma. Tony was reading the books and everything, but going through the exam online was a pain in the butt. Well, he passed because my daughter did it for him.

He was an excellent scuba diver. Very calm. You could see that he was very bold. I think under the water he found, always, a lot of peace. No photos, no cameras, no selfies, no people asking him questions. He was just one more guy watching life going by. And that's why he liked scuba so much.

Quint: It was at a rental house out in the Hamptons, and it was the first time I'd ever spent a night with him or anything like that. Their daughter [Ariane] at that time was probably 5. She came and tapped on Ottavia's arm and whispered to her, and Ottavia said, "Oh, she's going to do her song." And I said, "What does that mean?" And Tony said, "Don't ask. Just watch."

Ottavia took her phone and cued up "Call Me Maybe," and Ariane came out from behind the wall and lip-synched and acted the whole thing out. Picking up a phone and fake calling into a phone, and it was just the most fuckin' adorable thing I'd ever seen. I remember looking over at Tony, and he just stared at her with this look on his face like, just he was seeing perfection and couldn't believe it had come out of him, you know? It's exactly what you want to see in a parent's eyes when they look at their kid. I sometimes didn't like Tony, but I always loved Tony, and there was a lot to love when I saw that look come out at her.

Homme: I was saying to him, "I want my daughter to do martial arts and learn to play piano." And he said, "I don't care what she does, as long as she loves it." I thought that was beautiful, because that is the right attitude for parenting. Not to push—to help someone be who they already are and to help someone search hard enough to find who they could be.

Hamilton: That's the thing about friendship with Tony. Tony lavishes you with love and friendship and generosity and kindness, and then he disappears in the night and you don't get to reciprocate. It wasn't mutual. But it was breathtaking to be loved by him.

Cable News Network: A Time Warner Company

Friends also recognized that life wasn't always easy for Bourdain, and that he had his own demons and struggled with the burden of his fame.

Thornburgh: He wasn't out there kicking his heels all the time and saying, "I'm rich and famous." I think he felt the darkness of it, too.

Andrew Zimmern (TV host): We're shooting promos, standing around, both drinking coffees, smoking a cigarette, waiting for the cameras to get set up. And he looks at me, and he says, "Television is such a vile mistress." Then we heard, from 200 yards away, "Action," and we started to walk, and I was paralyzed, like, "What the fuck does he mean by this?"

Andrés: I think Tony always saw himself as a man always on the edge of the good or the bad. It's like a knife. It's a very small edge, a very thin edge, but you have to be careful because you can cut yourself and you'll never know what side of the knife's blade you're going to end up on.

Tenaglia: Chris and I had dinner with him three weeks before he died. We had a really great meal together. I remember he had a big piece of steak, a big fat slice of cheesecake at the end of it. I'm just very, very thankful that we had that moment with him. Because three weeks later, to the day, he was gone.

On June 8, 2018, Eric Ripert discovered Bourdain dead by suicide in the bathroom of a French hotel. Ripert declined to discuss Bourdain's final days for this story. Actor and director Asia Argento, with whom Bourdain was involved at the time of his death, politely declined to participate altogether. The wounds remain fresh and deep, but those closest to Bourdain appear to have absorbed an awful lot from him about how life ought to be lived.

Quint: I heard my phone going off in the middle of the night, and it was a text from Ottavia saying, "He's killed himself, and I wanted you to know before the news came out." I [drove] to O'Hare and went to their house. The whole morning, I was sitting head down, making sure I didn't look at the TV. It's just so fuckin' lousy. It feels like you're speeding into a black hole.

Tenaglia: I don't think it was a shock that one day we would get a call. It was like, "Okay. Maybe we should prepare ourselves that one day Tony's either gotten into a plane crash, or flipped on an ATV, had a heart attack."

Collins: Not expecting, but you acknowledge that it could happen.

Tenaglia: But we didn't expect that call. It's like someone's just hit you with a giant fucking frying pan.

Meehan: It was hard to understand because he was really good at being a person.

Rosner: He was the center of so many ecosystems.

John Birdsall (writer): He didn't speak as if he had power, which was the great thing.

Lajaunie: I was on a trip in the north of Vietnam, on the Ho Chi Minh Trail. I stopped in this little village, exactly the kind of place where Tony and I would have stopped on the way. I heard my phone ding, with news, and I learned from the A.P. or Reuters that he had just killed himself. It could not have been a better place, and it could not have been a worse place. It was exactly the place we would have been together. And so it was eerie.

Homme: There's a [New Yorker article called "Jumpers"], about people who jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. And all the survivors say the exact same thing, that as soon as their fingers left that bridge, they were like, Stop, wait, if I could just take that back…. I think with two more seconds, it wouldn't be this way.

Quint: That day, Ariane said to me something like, "Is this something that people outside of New York are gonna know about?" And we were like, "Yeah. All around the world, people are sad about this." Telling her that made me realize, Jesus, God, this is world news. He changed lives around the world.

Froelich: I just think it's lonelier without him in the world.

Bourdain: I have in my possession the notes that people put up on Les Halles. I have them at the house. There was one woman who drove up from fucking Tennessee. Some dude took the back of an envelope to find some blank white space to write on, and he stuck it onto the glass at Les Halles with a Band-Aid. He wrote this personal, heartfelt little thing and then stuck it on with a fucking Band-Aid.

Fred Morin (co-owner, Joe Beef): I decided to put the bottle down. About 73 days.

Fallon: I've stopped drinking as a part of this whole thing, too.

Lajaunie: I'm moving to Vietnam. I think it's time for me to do it.

Zweig: I just assumed that we would finish [the show]. It just seemed wrong not to. It's his life's work. Why not take the material that we have and make the most of it?

Tenaglia: There has not really been a moment to actually sit and try to fully process the fact that he's gone. The producers and the editors were left in the aftermath to deal with all the footage for the five, six, seven shows of Parts Unknown we have to present. I know this one longtime director-editor, Nick Brigden, said it so beautifully: It dawns [on] you...I'm not going to [get his] feedback. But then at the same time, I know exactly what that feedback would be. Through all these years of working with him, through osmosis, we have the same creative force and integrity as that guy. Whether he was alive or not here, we have all ingested it. And we're trying to move forward with it.

Goulding: The one common thing you hear from everyone is "Why does this hurt so much? I didn't know the guy." Yes, you did know the guy. You shared 100 meals with him, if not more. He shared 1,000 meals with the world. He did that year after year, episode after episode. So to not be able to do that anymore, I think is a big hit for all of us. From President Obama down to your friggin' mailman, everyone feels that loss.

Boulud: When Tony passed away, I suddenly watched a lot on CNN to see all these retrospectives on him, because I needed to feel connected. But I haven't looked at the episode we did in Lyon since Tony passed. I want to do that in a moment where I can relax and enjoy and watch it maybe with my family in France. That would be nice.

Hamilton: I have a very, very, very, very tender, fond moment of saying goodbye to Tony in L.A. I had to leave, and he was napping on his couch in his trailer, sleeping with his arms across his chest. No blanket. Shoes on. And me going in and just touching him on the arm and saying, "I'm leaving, thank you," and going back to the airport. Just a brief kiss-on-the-cheek kind of goodbye.

Fallon: People have said to me, "Well, you probably don't wanna talk about that." I feel exactly the opposite. I want to talk about Tony. I want to make sure that people understand and know that that was the real deal, man. That was a singular, brilliant, magnificent human being.

Thornburgh: My wife's father's family is from Japan, so we went and did a month in Japan a few years back. We were at the last soba shop in Hokkaido, the northern island of Japan, a place you walk over wood planks over a pond to get to. It just felt like the edge of the earth. My kid, who must've been like 7 at the time or something, he taps me on the shoulder, and he's like, "Dad, it's your friend." I'm like, "What are you talking about?"

I turn around and, of course, because it's this planet we all share, there's a picture of fucking Tony shaking hands with the soba master in that noodle shop. You cannot go find something that he hadn't done or where he hasn't gripped and grinned. The end of the earth. "Daddy...there's your friend."

Drew Magary is a GQ correspondent.

A version of this story originally appeared in the December 2018/January 2019 issue with the title "The Last Curious Man."

[maddzyohh-blog]

INTERVIEW WITH JAMES POLLITT FROM SOSEITY

What are your names and what do you do in the band?

Hi!! I'm James Pollitt and I, write, as well as being lead vocalist in Soseity, (and I'll probably a little bit of keyboard once I get good enough) Lucas Rigby is on drums, Cam Stephenson is on bass and Ben Moore is on guitar and they both do vocals too.

How did you meet each other?

Ahah it's actually quite a funny one how me and Cam met, he messaged me, maybe 18 months ago now, asking me where I got my penny board from. I started doing a bit of promotion for his band at the time, The Strays, and eventually I started Soseity with him and his best mate Tom Braithwaite. Together, we wrote ITILY and Lover That I Lost (mainly them though to be fair, I just wrote some lyrics over those beautiful instrumentals). I owe them a lot to be honest, Tom's left but without him and Cam I would never have had the confidence to do anything with my songs. Just before Tom left, we pulled in Lucas, who I knew through a mutual friend. And then we replaced Tom with Ben, who I'd met through Instagram. It's worked out quite well really to be honest like, me, Cam and Ben are all at the same uni so that's bare deece.  It's all just mad for me, being in a band and that. I just proper love these lads man.

How old are you and what are your birthdays?

I had to proper hit up the lads and ask them this not gonna lie to ya rkid. Cam's is in May, the 29th I think? Don't quote me on that though ahah. He's just started uni and he's 18. Me and Ben are a year older, in our second year at Uni, I'm born on the 18th June (expecting bday presents off people now that I've said that) and Ben is born on 5th August. Lucas is the baby of the group, he's just started college, he's only 16 the lil cutie and his bday is 10th July.

What are your favourite colours?

My personal favourite colour is sort of a turquoisey colour. I've always been a fan of blue (being a lifelong City fan, I feel like my dad would have killed me if it had been red aha) not too sure about the other lads, but that's the colour we're using a lot recently so I'm guessing they can't hate it too much.

Why did you decide to form a band?

Well I've been writing songs for a while now, maybe 5 or 6 years, and eventually I felt like I wanted to get something that I'd written out there. I felt like I had a lot to say, maybe some of its shite but hopefully there's some good in there. I didn't wanna put stuff out when I was 15/16, because I really struggled with my confidence and self-esteem a lot at school. I had really bad acne, I was really awkward and shy, to be honest, I just wasn't really happy with myself as a person, I think that's reflected in the early stuff I wrote. Not gonna lie, I kind of looked like a potato until maybe like I was 16, school really wasn't a good time for me. When I got my Instagram, at the start of college, I felt a bit more confident in myself generally, as well as in my songs, and my voice. But I wouldn't have said I was ready to put them out there. Cam and Tom gave me that final push to get my songs out there, or at least attempt to do something with it. Being in a band gives me a bit more confidence. I just hope people like it. I really hope they do...

How did you choose the name Soseity?

'Soseity'... Well this is where it gets a little pretentious, sorry, ah, erm so basically me and my sister were looking at starting a clothing company. She wanted to use the name Ipseity which is Latin for 'selfhood', I wanted Soseity. The clothing company never happened but I kept the name as I thought it was kinda cool...

'Seity', I think, is ancient Greek for individuality, and I feel like there's a lot of people who just wanna be sheep in the world, it's like, kind of a play on the fact that there's not much individuality in society. I hope that doesn't sound too cuntish? I feel like it does aha.

What genre of music do you make?

I mean yeah, I'm not really sure how I'd describe it. I wanna kinda break genres and do different things. Having done promotion for quite a while now, I feel like where a lot of bands go wrong is it's all a bit too similar, with their songs all being slightly 'samey' and also a bit too much like what's already out there, like I can't even tell you how much I've heard "these sound proper like Catfish, or the 1975 or the Smiths" when introducing the band's I've worked with to people, and like that's okay, but I don't really wanna be a tribute band. Is that too rude to say??? I don't know man I don't wanna upset anybody but I just wanna do something cool and a bit different...

I've taken influence from different bands (mainly bands like The Cure and The Smiths because they talk about things that matter and I fully love that) from 80's/00's pop, blues, from newer bands that to me, stand out, bands on the new indie-pop wave like HUNNY, Clay, Phoebe Green and King No-One, I love their lyricism, I love what they're doing man. Along with other bands like SWMRS, Bulletproof Bomb, Carnival Club and Field Medic (and a few others man, there's a few too many to mention) they, they're all a bit different and I love that man. Also like anybody who follows my twitter (painfully for them, sorry) kinda knows I love grime and 50's music as well. Basically I'm not sure what vibes we'll go with but I know there's a mix of heavy shit, indie, things about my mental health struggles, political stuff and a few norty little love ballads (who doesn't love a good ballad) aha.

What are the inspirations behind your songs?

I mean there's a lot of different inspirations, but basically I want to make music that matters, I feel like anybody can write a half-decent love song, but I kinda wanna say something important with my lyrics. Saying that, I've literally just been dumped after a very long-term relationship with a girl who I've been madly in love with for basically my entire teenage life, that's still a bit tender, my heart's a bit broken, so expect some stuff that's a bit lovey dovey and sad. It was one of those where I really did think we'd get married and it would last forever, maybe that's naïve, and I guess she didn't feel that way, as sad as it is. but yeah, like anyway all the songs I've written about her and us over the last 5 years or so, will hopefully be coming out soonish,  I just hope that's not too awkward for her, or for me (they are quite heartfelt ahhh)... A lot of my inspiration comes from my own life, my vulnerability, my struggles with mental health issues, and obviously I'm a History And Politics Degree student, there's a lot of politics and references to global events, as I said I wanna talk about important things like, otherwise, for me, there's no point...

If you guys gain like thousands of fans will you use your platform of fans to promote things that are important to you like politics and to promote stuff that needs to be shown awareness to such as; mental health; and sexual assault within the music and acting industry and outside of the industry in the real world?

Yeah man, that's proper important to me. I've been sexually harassed at so many gigs and assaulted on a few occasions, like I said before I've just got out of a long-term relationship, but I think, as it is with boys, there's a few horrible people who simply don't think the rules apply to them, I've never understood why people just assume that they can touch people up, or act like a dickhead, it's so grim. I wasn't ever gonna be about cheating and I certainly didn't want my dick grabbed when I was trying to start a pit or like just have some fun with my mates. When we start gigging, people who sexually assault will be blacklisted. They can fuck off I don't care. Obviously mental health issues are a huge part of who I am. Previous work with Yellow4Change and my yellow heart project, along with my own issues, really shape who I am and what I wanna talk about in my music, songs like The Bridge, which I posted an acapella snippet of on Twitter, are really like a little flood of my emotions. Music has really helped me through my problems and I hope my music can help people through theirs. Politics, although I'm worried about the engagement level and market for it, is a massive thing to me. I think people don't realise that the world around them is politics. It's not just a vote or a leader. From the doctor's appointment they moan about, the roads they drive on, to the price of gas and electric, politics is everything. I want to help people to see how important politics really it is, without sounding too much like a preachy prick.

When do you plan on releasing music?

Well I've got to apologise about that. The songs should have been out ages and ages ago and I really have fucked that and I'm sorry to anybody who cares and wants to listen. They'll be out soon and I'll keep putting previews on twitter and insta. Sorry everybody, love you...

Do you want to stay anything to the people who already support you?

Erm, I don't really think many people will care at this point. But just be kind, everybody you meet is fighting a hard battle man. Be there for people and just yeah, be kind.

Follow Soseity on:

Twitter

Instagram

Follow James On:

Twitter

Instagram

[robininthelabyrinth]

Pls imagine wondercoldwave and their strange courting. Two thieves attempting to woo her with stolen artifacts and good food. Because jewelry is kid of useless but old relics? Or Weapons? Ah yes perfect gifts. (And also a little bit of jewelry.)

I love this pairing. I love this pairing SO MUCH words don’t even. Like, I have a million other things to be writing but I dropped everything to write this. 

ao3

----

It was Lisa’s fault.

Well, okay, that’s a lie. Lisa wasn’t even there.

But she had finally graduated high school, turned eighteen and gone off to college with a handful of scholarships and all the money Len and Mick had stolen for her in a giant fuck-up of a job, which had encouraged them both to head for more forgiving climes for a while. They’d gone to the Caribbean, first, but then Len had played a few too many card games with some Family guys down there and now he might or might not own an island but he certainly wouldn’t last long if he stayed there.

So they go to Europe.

Nice, proper European tour. Why not?

Because Leonard fucking Snart, that’s why not.

“It’s the Louvre,” that’s what he said. “We have to!”

“We won’t be able to fence anything we get,” Mick pointed out.

“But it’s the Louvre!”

And so they’d broken in there. Mostly just for kicks.

Then Len got distracted by some pottery. Mid-heist. This never happened back at Central.

“Look at it,” he enthuses. “Do you even know how old this is? Look at the characteristic neck – and the design – ugh, why isn’t this out on display? Don’t they realize how awesome it is?”

Mick personally thought all pottery looked the same, but he was currently flipping through some watercolor sketches and making happy sounds, so whatever, to each his own.

“Look at the glazing on this one –”

Mick only looks up when Len cuts off mid-sentence, which was most unlike him.

He’s blinking owlishly at a statute.

No, wait.

That’s not a statute, that’s a woman. A statuesque, gorgeous woman, in glasses and a sensible business suit.

With her hands on her hips.

“300,” Len says blankly. “Crane or heavy-backed floor.”

“I beg your pardon?” the woman says. She has a faint accent – something Mediterranean.

“He’s trying to figure out how he would steal you,” Mick translates, since Len’s grip on speech has apparently failed. He’s accustomed to the bizarreness of the Snart mentality; most people are not. “Assuming you were made of marble.”

“Clay would be easier,” Len says, still sounding vaguely dazed. “You’ve got a finer neck than this vase, and that’s saying something.”

The woman abruptly grins, and it’s frankly stunning even to Mick, who takes a good while to warm up to anybody. “You appreciate art,” she says approvingly. “Why do you not come during the day?”

“It’s the Louvre,” Len says, vaguely scandalized. “We had to try to break in.”

“You succeeded,” she says. “Perhaps you will be so kind as to show me the weakness in our security system you exploited; not every thief will be as respectful as you.”

Len clutches the vase he’s holding to his chest, holding it with the delicacy you would expect from a man holding a baby. “That would be awful,” he says, and he means it, too, the moron. He very gently puts it down. “Yeah, we’ll show you.”

Mick makes a little whining sound.

“…after Mick finishes going through the watercolors,” Len amends.

“They are very fine watercolors,” the woman says. “My name is Diana Prince; I am curator here.”

“Leonard Snart,” Len says. He nods at Mick. “Mick Rory.”

“Nice to meet you,” Mick says politely. “Why ain’t there an exhibit of these? They’re amazing.”

“We’re planning one,” Diana says. “But it has been difficult to convince the museum director…”

“Does he have a name?” Mick inquires very seriously. “Or, better, an address?”

She hides a smile. “You should not threaten people over artwork, Mick.”

“I’m not gonna do anything,” he grumbles. “Just a bit of scaring. It’d be good for him.”

“You are welcome to finish perusing the watercolors,” she says. “Leonard – may I call you Leonard?”

“Sure,” Len says. “I mean, I usually go by Len, but, uh, Leonard sounds just fine when you say it.”

She smiles. “Leonard, then. It suits you. Perhaps you could show me the weakness in the security while your friend here finishes up?”

Len nods like a bobble-head doll and she takes his arm and puts it in hers and then they go off.

Mick shakes his head, amused, and dives back into his watercolors.

Diana – and she insists on it being ‘Diana’, not Miss Prince or anything else – is kind enough not to call the police, either.

Len offers her a tour of the local art galleries, after-hours. He’s got a hell of a crush on her already.

He always did like women who looked like they could break him over their knee.

“I couldn’t,” Diana says, but she’s smiling.

“Why not?” Len asks.

“Well,” she says, and then stops, considering.

“You’ve got to have fun sometimes,” Mick tells her, because he’s the best partner ever. “Or else you’ll forget why you do the rest of it.”

“Oh, why not indeed,” she says. “Very well; let us go. I am most intrigued by your unorthodox method of getting around.”

They spend three weeks in Paris, all told. Len teaches her pickpocketing and lockpicking; Mick tells her stories he’d thought he’d forgotten, about being born on a farm so far away from the water he didn’t even know what it looked like until the first time he’d gotten on a plane; she talks of art history and of kindnesses, great and small.

She confides in them that she was raised on an island with a – and here she smiled – unorthodox view of property.

“Now there’s a place I’d like to visit,” Len enthuses.

“Simply because there are no laws against theft?” she laughs.

“That’s the best sort of place! You could try out all sorts of tricks, teach yourself to be better and better, and people wouldn’t throw it in your face when you give something back,” he says.

“Tell me more about how people eat,” Mick requests. He’s really into fresh foods and community gardening back at in Keystone, but he’s run up into a wall of people not believing they can work, or thinking the food will be stolen the second it grows. He doesn’t know how to explain to them that that’s the point.

Diana’s nice, and funny, and smart.

She also, in one memorable instance, throws a truck at someone’s head.

It doesn’t start that way, of course; Diana shows up right when Mick is trying to find his misplaced gun and – upon seeing his panic – asks what the issue is.

“Kids,” Mick says. “Len – the local mafia outlet – he found out – they trade in kids, and that’s kind of a trigger issue for Len so he just jumped in –”

“He has gone to rescue them?”

“Kids,” Mick growls. “If it was anything else, he’d have planned it out first, but not when it comes to kids. I can’t blame him, not really, but I can’t even find my gun -”

“You will not need it,” she says, and it’s almost like she adds an extra foot of height when she straightens her back.

Mick gets his gun anyway. “He’s my partner,” he tells her, because he will be damned to hell before he’s intimidated out of his rightful place at Len’s side, whether into heaven or into hell. “You can help me kick his ass when we find him.”

She blinks, then smiles. She’s still a little too tall, a little too other-worldly, but the smile helps make her a little more human. “Yes,” she says. “After we rescue him, of course.”

“Can’t kick his ass without that,” Mick replies, tranquilly.

“You are a good partner, Mick Rory,” she says. “Leonard is lucky to have you.”

“And me, him,” Mick says, more honestly than he meant to be. “He saved my life.”

“He told me you saved his.”

“He saves mine every day,” Mick tells her, because Diana has a way of looking at you with her old eyes that makes you tell the truth even if you don’t want to. “Just by being who he is. Have some pity on the man and let him down easy when you do, will you?”

Diana arches her eyebrows and presses her lips together thoughtfully.

“Lead the way,” is all she says.

They find Len, who’s having it out with a bunch of assholes, a child clutching at his hip, an even smaller child held under one elbow, gun out in the other. “Don’t make a fucking move,” he’s saying, but there’s more of them than of him and they’re inching closer.

“I’d listen to the man,” Mick says, and Len’s eyes flicker to him, betraying relief.

The little movement is what the local Family assholes were waiting for, guns at ready, and they lunge forward.

So does Diana.

Diana wins.

More people run in.

It would take far too much time to explain the whole sequence of events – Mick honestly doesn’t remember much of it, torn between his surprise at Diana’s surprising strength and protecting Len, and erring to focus on the latter – but it concludes with Diana thrown a truck at the Family guys and their lines breaking and fleeing.

“That was amazing,” Len says, beaming at Diana. “Now, here, hold Lucille while I convince Isabelle to let me go get the others.”

It’s clear to Mick that Diana anticipated many possible reactions to her actions, including how impressed and starry-eyed Len is, but having a small child shoved into her arms wasn’t one of them.

“Petit Izzy,” Len croons, kneeling down. “Tu parles Anglais?”

“Non! N’y va pas!”

Diana kneels and says something in French.

Isabelle just grabs onto Len tighter.

Mick walks over and says, “Okay, brat. Hop on.” He holds out his arms.

Isabelle looks at Len, who nods.

She immediately detaches from Len and flings herself into Mick’s arms.

Mick speaks exactly zero words of French, but he’s got a way with kids.

“I’ll get the others,” Len says. “We’ll take them back home so they can rest. Then we can figure out what to do with them.”

“The police?” Diana asks.

“Probably corrupt,” Len says grimly.

“He always thinks police are corrupt,” Mick interjects.

“Because they usually are. Who the hell operates a child smuggling ring this close to a police station without someone looking the wrong way?”

“I will investigate,” Diana says. “In the meantime, I have connections with several good organizations that will help locate their parents, if possible.”

“And monitor them,” Mick says firmly as Len strides off to find the other children he referenced. “I was in the system for a bit, and there’s risk involved.” He hesitates and glances in the direction Len went. He doesn’t want to mention unpleasant things, but if Diana will be placing the kids… “Len’s got some things to say about blood relatives not being too trustworthy either, if you want to hear it.”

Diana nods, her expression solemn. “They will be guarded. I will confirm it myself.”

“This way,” Len sings out cheerfully, leading the children out of the dark like some sort of Pied Piper. He has a way with kids, too. “Follow me, mon lupins. Hop, hop.”

“Lapins,” the older children, the ones with a big of English, giggle. “Not lupins!”

“What’s the difference?” Len asks innocently.

They take the children to Diana’s friend.

The children are all quite fond of Diana, who is also good with children, especially once little Isabella tells the others about the truck; Diana is apparently called L’Princesse Amazone, or ‘Wonder Woman’, in Paris for her little way of solving issues. They go happily.

Len looks after them wistfully for a few minutes before turning to Diana. “That,” he tells her solemnly, “was wonderful.”

“That,” Mick grunts, “was awful.”

Diana laughs.

They leave shortly thereafter, albeit regretfully. Len wants to avoid any Family recognizing him and Diana is occupied with the placement of the children; there’s really no reason to stay.

Still, it’s hard to tear themselves away. Not just Len, but Mick, too. He’s grown more accustomed to her than he’d have thought.

“You should come visit us in Central,” Len tells her before they go.

“Perhaps I will,” she says with a smile.

Impulsively, Mick steps forward and presses his lips to her cheek. Len blinks in surprise, but when Diana doesn’t object, he steps forward and does the same to her other cheek.

And then they’re off.

Even though Len made the offer, no one is more surprised than he is when a year later, back in Central, the Central City Museum announces a partnership with the Louvre in which a curator will be swapped for three months every year.

Len and Mick are there on opening day.

Diana smiles.

“Perhaps you will show me around here, too,” she says, holding out her hands.

“Absolutely,” Len says.

Mick nods.

“And this time,” she continues, her smile widening, “I will not let you two escape with only a kiss good-bye.”

Len and Mick exchange blinks.

“Uh, we can do that,” Len says.

Mick nods furiously.

"I brought the rope," she adds innocently.

"We can definitely do that," Mick enthuses.

“Oh, and we got you a present,” Len says.

“It was in a museum,” Mick adds. “Sort of.”

“Was it obtained illicitly?” Diana asks with a knowing smile.

“No more illicitly than the museum originally got it?” Len tries.

Diana laughs.

(Fifteen years later, Diana looks down at the Flash, pinned under her boot. “You will not interrupt our dates,” she says sternly.

“I will not interrupt your dates!” he squeaks. “Also, wow! You’re real! And…dating my villains?”

“We were dating first,” she says. “I will discuss their life choices with them another time.”

“…can I have your autograph in the meantime?”)

[jusadode-blog]

Cool Cheap/Profitable Hobbies:

Wood/Soap Carving: We all have that one bar of soap we’re never going to actually use around the house. As for wood, if you live near woods and can identify a soft wood then it’s cheap as well. If you have limited supplies, it’s at least a few days worth of fun that might lead to a cool finished piece.

Gardening: All you need is a pouch of seeds or 'bad’ vegetables/fruit (such as tomatoes) so long as you don’t live in a clay/sand environment. If you want to plant them in pots, old busted trashcans that used to be in the bathroom but got too grimey do well--just don’t put vegetables in that one. You might get some vegetables/fruit you’d usually not be able to buy too often, just be sure not to accidentally plant a tree on accident. They can ruin plumbing pipes.

Reading/Writing: If you either live near libraries or have transportation to them, libraries can give you tons of fun or education. However, if you cannot there’s tons of free resources online, as well as links to learning useful skills (especially some of which I’ve mentioned on here.) On the other hand, some people enjoy writing. I personally despise it, but so long as you have wordpad on your computer you can pump out as many poems/books as you can imagine. No matter how bad your writing may be, you can publish it on amazon and tack on a 1$ price to make some side cash if you actually finish something. It’s free to upload to amazon (as far as I can remember), however they take like a 30% cut or something else huge. It beats paying 800$ and possibly not making back any money though.

Drawing: Although if you don’t already draw this may sound overplayed, art is a great way to pass the time and have fun without really wasting much money. If you can’t spare pencils/paper, paint is the general beginner’s tool, but there exists free art programs such as gimp that are quite a bit better but a LOT more complicated. You don’t need a tablet to be a good digital artist, and so long as you’re having fun it doesn’t matter how professional it looks.

Sewing/Knitting: Almost everyone somehow obtains a sewing kit in their life magically, you can make plushies out of old rags/shirts that were too damaged to donate as well as learn proper stitching methods to repair gently damaged articles. Knitting’s only cheap if you somehow stole your grandma’s items after spending the night at her house once four years ago, but it can still be a few month’s of fun depending on your amount of supplies.

Cooking: Learning how to make the most out of the littlest is a handy skill, and learning how to make it taste good is also pretty sweet. Most cooking stuff I see assumes you got the cash to buy a million semi-expensive ingredients, but you can test stuff on your own or just study recipes online to mimic them with alternatives. Mixing eggs with ramen is a quick and easy way to make a healthier, more delicious meal, without actually having much more.

Car Repair: Honestly, youtube/wikihow this shit and you can literally learn all kinds of simple things. You’d be surprised how easy it is to change your oil and how much cash you can save with this. It’s not cheap to start out, especially if you never accidentally stole your grandpa’s gear, but it’ll save you tons of money in the long run. Be careful though, you should practice with any friends who know what they’re doing first.

Plumbing: Learning how to fix that leaky faucet is another way to save money and pass time, but like car repair will cost money upfront if you don’t already have the supplies. Be careful though, hot water can cause severe burns and could literally burst out of the wall if you don’t know what you’re doing.

DIY Expert: Have a crap ton of art supplies due to your hoarding issues? Look no further then pinterest’s DIY galleries! You can turn any old collection of weird things into art and useful items with the right search. However, avoid spending money on DIY stuff to keep it a cheap hobby. With enough supplies and education into this, you can learn how to repurpose all kinds of old things and save tons of money! You may even be able to sell certain items you make if you learn the right stuff!

Photography: Anyone with a phone can be a photographer, however, did you know you can sell the rights to your photos to make comission on them on certain apps/sites? Most of them are scamey, and will take high cuts, and make sure you never have to pay first in order to use them. However, if you do find a good site you can sell on you might be able to make a bit of pocket change for your hobby! Different sites have different rates, so be sure you study up before selling your soul to any one company.

Studying: Do you have that one thing you just love learning about? Criminal Law? Psychology? Philosophy? Just google “(interest) (number such as 100, 200, 300, or 400 depending on complexity you’ve reached) quizlet” and you’ll find actual student’s study cards for classes. I searched up ‘Philosophy 300 quizlet’ and found a study guide for a test full of definitions and concepts I’d never heard of before. You can also search up “powerpoints” “homework” and other terms most college students use in order to find actual resources to learn from.Start off with the easier stuff, and work your way up. Some schools may have more complex names for classes (such as ‘ethics’ in criminal justice, as well as ‘social psychology’ for psychology), so play around with words that sound like they may be from a class! At the least, you’ll pass a few hours learning things you’d usually never have the chance to learn before! This hobby is a bit harder to get into if you’re not familiar with how to study in general, or do not know how to ‘maneuver’ through courses for whatever little things you’re looking for. 

Learning Another Language: Duolingo is a free website that teaches you as many languages as you want/can learn, and honestly helped prep me for living in Austria for three months. Being bilingual is an incredibly powerful tool in the business world, and you can even link your duolingo to your linkdin account! Be sure you actually finish a language tree before you start using it though, and try watching/reading things in said language before actually writing it on your resume. I highly recommend reading/watching shows in another language with subtitles to ensure you are actually learning them well, and as you get better start trying to avoid subtitles. Listening to music in the language you are trying to learn is also incredibly handy.

Hope this helps someone find something fun/useful to pass the time!

[mariellarmendoza]

E. Art & (my) Life

                    Final Paper

My Outline:

Why I took the class

How I saw the assigned work

Art allows each of us to express ourselves

Each person has a different view on art

How I initially viewed art

Art lets us convey powerful statements we want to share with others

Creativity differs from each person 

Not being able to draw well doesn’t mean that art isn’t for you

We should dabble in art because it helps relieve us

I see art as a way to relieve ourselves from our worries

Art is a good pastime because there are no rules that limit what you can make

Observing is key to both Nursing and Art

    Throughout Fall 2019, I was exposed to art in a way that I had not expected. Entering college straight from high school, I took art simply because it was part of my interest and I often drew for fun as a hobby so I thought that I might as well take a class on it, and I’m glad I did. I met others through the first couple of art activities and each visit to the gallery every week allowed me to meet different artists. 

    I had a wonderful experience throughout the semester, although I wouldn’t say perfect. The art pieces I’ve made were fun and I was able to have free rein over what I could make for as long as I was following the week’s assigned medium. I was able to freely express myself through my art and was able to show it to others through Tumblr. Learning of other’s experience of art was also life-changing for me. The SOA Artists were their own unique individuals and had different reasons as to why they took up art, and I was able to learn more about them by conversing with them about their exhibits. The exhibits themselves were a nice experience because they would change weekly and every week always had various artists come and display their works for us to see. I would visit the galleries at my own time in order to have proper conversations with the artists whose art I genuinely liked and would ask them questions. Each artist was truly unique and I was glad to have met them and learned how they viewed art. 

    Initially, I viewed art as something that is more on the surface, that it was simply paintbrushes and sculptures along with the occasional “hidden meaning” the artist wants us to see. However, as I was exposed to artworks and doing some myself, I’ve learned that art itself can be a medium of making your intentions known and sending a message. I now see art as a way of conveying a message that we would want to tell others, something like a powerful statement that can persuade or inform. Artworks are not necessarily as blatant and forward, they can be abstract that challenges how we perceive the art. 

    Through the weekly activities such as the Zines, I was able to express my own interest in the vast universe and what lifeforms may exist in it aside from Earth. I designed it as I wanted and was free to speak about whatever I wanted. A couple of my friends showed me theirs and I somehow got to know them better once I found out what interested them and how they voiced their opinions about matters. For the “wedge” project, I browsed through how each of us wanted to change or improve it and was faced with the conclusion that even one small structure could entice us to build our whole imagination around it. The scope of our imaginations allowed us to design it as we saw fit, applying each of our individuality and innovativeness. 

    The class itself was also not what I expected. I somehow believed that we would focus on the history of art and discuss the different kinds of shades each color had, which I admit would bore me but I was glad to discover that we were allowed to actually participate in making art pieces. Although I was afraid to show others my work because I was no artist, I managed to gain the confidence to share what I wanted my art to say. Not being a good artist doesn’t necessarily mean that you should shy away from art because creating art itself is something that we should all experience. Comparing your work to a distinguished artist isn’t a good way to dabble in art, because we all have different ways of showing our creativity. If we were given a wad of clay, we would each make different things with it.

    Additionally, I view art as a way to relieve ourselves from our concerns. I often retreat to making sketches out of boredom or to distract myself from something that worries me, and I occasionally vent my anger or sadness with what I make. What I really like is that there are almost no limits to what you can make with art and we are free to make what we wish as long as it is within your capabilities. I once tried to make a sculpture with nothing but table napkins and tape in the past and I felt accomplished by it.

    Lastly, I can see myself applying certain skills that I’ve picked up through art on my major. I am aiming toward the Nursing major, as competitive as it may be. I’ve learned to improve my observation of details in art pieces and how each intricate piece can help make up a whole image and structure, similar to how if I wanted to be a Nurse, my observational skills should be able to pick up details to help me analyze the best course of action to take when addressing a task at hand. In summary, I was glad to have taken the class and it has given me an experience I can thankfully look back on.

[purplesurveys]

1192

Have you ever tried a colorful macaroon? Maybe you mean macarons? I’ve never seen a macaroon with food coloring before.

Do you say macaroon or macaron? It depends on what I’m referring to because they’re two different kinds of food.

Do you know what a macaroon is? Yes, they taste terrible.

Would you rather go to Paris or London? Both sound a bit too boring of a trip for me tbh, I’d rather go to other European cities.

Which national flag do you like the best? I’m not that into flags to have a favorite...I like how Nepal’s has a unique shape, though.

Name 3 celebrities people say you look like. Lucy Hale, Anna Akana, and a local celebrity you wouldn’t know about.

^Do you agree? I never saw myself looking like Anna but that’s actually the most common one I get, so I just might not know my face all that well. The only one that’s agreeable enough with me is the last celebrity I mentioned.

Do you know anyone who looks like Taylor Swift? No, especially not on this side of the planet.

Have you ever been betrayed by a best friend? Yes but that was like back in the fifth grade. I’ve been very selective of my friends ever since.

What color is the sweatshirt that you wear the most? Black.

Do you have a mirror in your room? No. I don’t really feel as if I need it.

What was the last thing you painted? I last painted on a paint-by-numbers kit, but it’s been a while since I took up the hobby. I want to get back around to it someday, but proably not any time soon as I find it a tad bit time-consuming.

Do you correct grammatical errors online? Not other people’s, but yeah I edit my posts whenever I catch a typo or grammar error. I also edit survey questions if they aren’t in proper grammar, just so other people who’d want to take the same survey won’t have to deal with it and point it out anymore.

What’s the last thing you made out of clay? I’ve only done pottery once, and that time I was taught how to make a vase. I wasn’t able to see the end result though since they still had to bake it and everything, and I was only staying in that town for a few days.

Do you go for days without washing your hair? No, I absolutely hate that feeling. My hair starts getting itchy after a day or so of not washing it and it feels irritating, so I feel the need to shower everyday.

When is the last time you had scrambled eggs and bacon? Maybe around a week ago? It’s something my parents make regularly for breakfast, alongside other local breakfast dishes.

Do you like bacon bits on your salad? I don’t really eat salad but sure, I’ll take some bacon in mine.

What is your favorite salad dressing? See above.

What is your favorite kind of soup? Not a big soup person either. I suppose I’m most enthusiastic about miso soup, if anything.

Do you eat a lot of soup? Not at all. I don’t think I ever purposely ordered it at a restaurant either; I only consume soup if it already comes as a freebie with my order.

Do you collect Mason jars to use for crafts? Nope, was never a hobby of mine. This reminds me that I have a mason jar filled with date receipts and love notes on tiny Post-Its from my last relationship, though...I literally can’t remember if I’ve since thrown it out, but I also haven’t seen it in a while...hm. I guess I’ll try looking for it later today and throw it away if I do find it still lying around in my room.

What’s a trend that you never caught on to? Remember when I said streetwear like, literally a month ago? Lmaoooooo I’m into it now. That’s why I’ll just skip over this question HAHAHAHA I always end up being obsessed with the things I swear off in the beginning :((((

What’s a trend that you haven’t caught on to yet, but you want to? Vlogging? It’d be nice to make a video or two of my own.

Do you type fast? Very. My co-workers recently started sharing this typing speed website that we’re all free to try out and so far I’m the official reigning champion haha. No one has beaten my WPM record yet.

Did you learn to type through a computer program for kids? Yes. I never adopted the ‘standard’ finger practice though; I type only with my index and middle fingers.

How many years were you homeschooled? I was never homeschooled.

If applicable, what’s a youtuber you would love to collab with? Louise Pentland.

Do you think you’re successful in life? Not quite there yet, but I’m comfortable with the way I’m working towards it for now. It’s nice to be doing things that I know will lead to something in the future.

What color is the tree outside your window? If you mean the leaves, then green.

What color is your rug, if you have one? (not carpet, rug) I don’t have one in my room but the main one we have in the living room is brown.

What do you take for pain? I take a Biogesic pill for headaches. If I get muscle sores/strains, I rub Katinko on the spots that hurt.

Which pharmacy do you use? I never need to go to those but I can always take a drive to the nearby Mercury Drug.

Do you reapply nail polish when it starts to chip? I don’t wear nail polish at all.

What is this month’s calendar picture? I don’t use a calendar.

What was the last thing you ate? Sushiiiiiiiii. I made a very impulsive and rash decision to buy THREE ORDERS of sushi yesterday. I hadn’t eaten all day and I also had a crappy at work, and my clouded judgment thought buying 24 pieces of maki was the way to go. I’m still in the stage of trying to convince myself I deserved it anyway.

What are your favorite things to put in tea? I don’t drink tea tea, but when I buy milk tea I always go for chocolate flavors. I also don’t like pearls in my milk tea.

Do you wish the Unicorn Frappuccino was a regular drink at Starbucks? I never go for customized drinks, so I don’t care at all about this.

Is there a coffee shop in your town that’s better than Starbucks? Possibly, but I may not have checked it out yet. For now, I like buying from Starbucks.

Do you frequent any coffee shops? Back in college I used to alternate between Starbucks and Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf; I’d go several times a week to either because coffee shops were the best place to study at.

What’s your favorite Lisa Frank character? I was never aware that there were characters lol. I thought it was only her.

Which Disney character looks the most like you? Raya for sure, but before her, I felt a big connection with Moana.

Did you go to Disney World or Disneyland as a kid? No, I haven’t gotten to go yet. It would be nice if my first time could also already be a trip with my own kid in the future :)

Do you live with a demon? Talk about creepy question lol. No.

Who has the best personality on youtube? Who cares? < I mean, same. I’m sure they all put up a show to some extent - I don’ think anyone would ever know the answer to this...but personally, those whose personalities I find really endearing would beeeeee Grace Helbig, Kelsey Impicciche, Kelsey Darragh, and Andrew Ilnyckyj.

What are some of your goals for this year? Stay employed, be better at my job, collect more BTS albums.

Does it feel like spring yet? We don’t have spring, so I don’t know what that would feel like.

What do you do to celebrate Earth Day? I don’t wait until April 22 to do something for the planet.

How do you celebrate Easter? I don’t.

Have you ridden your bike yet this year? I can’t ride bikes, haaaaa.

What does your bike look like? The family bike has some blue and grey on it. Not that I ever practice riding it.

What is your favorite place that you’ve lived? I like the house that we live in now. I like that we have a rooftop and that we don’t live with extended family.

Do you shop at Aeropostale? No, and I’m not sure we have Aeropostale shops here. The only reason we ever got Aeropostale items of clothing in the past was because relatives living in the States would occasionally bring home a box of pasalubong for us here in the Philippines.

What’s the last thing you wore from Aeropostale? Idk, probably a shirt. Have you ever been to a church that just wanted your money? Aren’t all churches like that? < Can agree and can confirm. My local parish has been undergoing a ridiculously extravagant renovation for years now and the thing is that the renovation is meant to be so fucking fancy they clearly can’t afford it, so they’ve been pooling money from churchgoers for years now as well. When we could still physically attend mass I used to keep myself from laughing everytime one of the church staff would come up on the podium and ask for money again.

Who is someone you are struggling to forgive, if applicable? I don’t struggle to forgive. I just don’t forgive. If someone does me wrong I just do my best to block them out of my memories, get into the mindset that they never existed, and live peacefully from there.

Have you ever had someone try to intentionally bully you to suicide? I don’t think so, at least not intentionally. My mom always did it unintentionally though, especially in my tween and teen years. She was always very harsh with her words and actions (she still is, but we don’t butt heads as often anymore). I didn’t have a very good emotional foundation mainly thanks to her and I had to claw my own way to get to be the much more stable self I am today.

What’s your favorite type of cereal? Sweet ones.

Who are your favorite kids that you’ve babysat? I never babysat kids outside of younger relatives.

Who is your favorite cousin? My eldest cousin from my mom’s side. I’ve always viewed him more as a brother than a cousin since we did live under the same roof for nearly a decade before my family moved to our own home.

Does one side of your family live in another state? My family is spread out everywhere, dude. I have relatives living in another town, another city, another province, another region, another island, another country. Idk about cultures but that’s generally how Filipino families are to begin with.

What states did your parents grow up in? I’m not saying that.

Do you want kids? If yes, how many? It would be nice. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to find someone I would want to marry and have a family with. It definitely seems bleak, but then again I’m 23 lmao. I’m not in a hurry.

What’s a craft that you’ve seen online that you don’t think will work? Most of the shit that that 5 Minute Crafts channel or whatever they’re called puts out.

What, if anything, are you severely allergic to? Grass.

Have you ever had an allergic reaction to an insect? Nopes.

How do you react to bee stings? I’ve never been stung and I hope that never happens to me.

Is there a good hospital where you live? I’m not so sure; I don’t take trips to the hospital frequently.

What’s your favorite kind of tea to drink in the spring? I never drink tea. Never been my...cup of tea? Hahahaha.

What are your favorite biblical names for girls? Elizabeth and Eden.

…for boys? Luke, Noah, Jacob, Seth.

What color nail polish do you usually wear in the spring? Again, I never put on nail polish.

What’s your favorite color that you’ve dyed your hair? I haven’t tried dyeing my hair either :( It’s something I want to explore, though.

Do you ever eat ice cream in the winter? We don’t have winter but yeah, I’m not opposed to having ice cream when the climate is on the cooler side.

How often do you wash your sheets? Every month or so.

What was the name of the biggest bully in your high school? No one got away with pulling that kind of shit in my old school.

^Did everyone hate her/him? -

^Were you his/her target? -

[drjacquescoulardeau]

JAY ASHER – 13 REASONS WHY ► – 2007-2017

 This novel deals with a female teenage suicidee (age 17 in junior class in high school). The subject is serious and deserves great attention. It is mostly centered on the recorded cassettes of the suicidee explaining her reasons since she arrived in this high school as a “freshman,” a word that has to be updated either to freshman and fresh-woman, or to fresh-person. “Freshman” is purely sexist for girls or young women. This is also true at college level.

 There are seven cassettes, hence fourteen sides and they are received by mail and listened to through the sole ears of a certain Clay Jensen, same age, same junior level same high school. This listener is talkative and he constantly adds his own commentaries. The recorded story is in italics and the commentaries are in straight font, but apparently the same font, which makes the reading a little bit difficult. The second privileged young man in the story is a certain Tony whose family name I have not found (maybe my negligence). He is a friend of Clay Jensen and he provided the suicidee, Hannah Baker, with the cassette recorder (a Walkman) she used to record her story which is her real story told by herself in practically thirteen sides and the last but one side is in fact the incognito recording of her session with her guidance counselor and English teacher, Mr. Parker. Each side centers on one particular character who in a way or another (except one) did something nasty to her. Note Tony’s Walkman will be borrowed without true approval by Clay. Tony will not resent it, far from it because he knows what it is for. Hannah recorded a second set of cassettes (though technically it could not be done with ONE Walkman) and she entrusted that second set to Tony in case the first set that was supposed to circulate from one person concerned to the next got lost or destroyed. Tony has been entrusted on the tapes themselves with the mission of making them public if they did not reach the end of the list of twelve people concerned by Hannah’s death.

 The author is also a man, so that Hannah’s story is seen through the ears and eyes of two young men and told through the pen of an older man. In the story, apart from Mr. Parker who has an important role to play, all adults are marginalized or plainly absent. Hannah’s parents are inexistent? Clay’s mother is anxious to believe her son’s lies to dedramatize a situation that is tricky since he listens to the fourteen cassette sides in one evening and night and thus sleeps in some kind of a park at the end. In the same way Tony’s father is reduced to a mechanic taking care once in the book of his son’s car and yet has nothing to say. This absence of adults is totally surprising since a high school is full of adults most of them highly trained to deal with older teenagers. And all of them have parents and all parties take place in private houses, but without any parents present or close. The teachers, guidance counselor, librarians and other personnel should have been able to see the tall tale signs of a coming suicide in a girl that demonstrates very clear Asperger symptoms. The most obvious is the strong desire to be empathetically received by others and at the same time the extremely strong attitude that makes her resent such contacts if they do not satisfy her own expectations, and then her locking herself into isolation, loneliness, cultivated reclusion in inwardness.

 This being said we cannot psychoanalyze Hannah because she is not a true person and psychoanalyzing the author is from my point of view useless and uninteresting. I will concentrate on the story and there is a lot to say about it.

 Thirteen characters are announced and twelve are actually targeted in the six tapes. Let me give you the list in proper order.

0- Tony whose name evades me and who is the cassette recorder and reader lender and the depository of the second set of cassettes. Remember he is a friend of Clay Jensen.

 1- First cassette, first side: Justin Foley, the author in fresh-person class of the questionnaire and vote in the class about who is hottest and Hannah comes at the top. She resents it.

 2- First cassette, second side: Alex Standall who gropes at her backside and grabs her wrist. She of course resents this forced physical contact.

 3- Second cassette, first side: Jessica Davis. Ms. Antilly a guidance counselor tries to bring together two new people in the high school and the area. So she organizes the meeting of Alex Standall and Jessica Davis. Hannah find herself connected to them in some diner called Monet’s and they start since the three of them are from outside the area a relation with a motto and a gesture: hand on hand they cry “Olly-olly-oxen-free.” But it will be short lived because of the questionnaire about the hottest girl that preferred Hannah Baker to Jessica Davis (the latter resents being second), and the subsequent groping of Alex. Jessica becomes very hostile rapidly.

 4- Second cassette, second side: Tyler Down, the photographer for the yearbook but also a peeping tom who tries to get pictures of Hannah in her room in the evening; She hears the clicks and tells another girl, Courtney Crimson who is interested in the exhibitionism of the situation and to trap the boy they give themselves in a show in Hannah’s room, and they catch him. Hannah does not reveal the name of the girl but Clay finds a picture in some open golden book at Monet’s showing Hannah and Courtney in a friendly pose.

 5- Third cassette, first side: Courtney Crimsen who, one night, to go to a party, asks Hannah to drive her over making her a guest of the party at the same time. As soon as they are arrived, Courtney goes her own way and drops Hannah who is very fast dissatisfied with the party where she cannot integrate in the kind of activities proposed (drinking, smooching, or even some deeper physical contact). She decides to leave to the great outrage of Courtney who does not have a ride home. In his commentaries Clay reveals that in eighth grade his crush was on Skye Miller but he had not exploited it. At the same time, hence in the course of listening to the cassettes, he visits Tyler’s house and finds there Marcus Cooley telling that several people have already come there and used stones to break Tyler’s window.

 6- Third cassette, second side: Marcus Cooley who in “My Dollar Valentines,” a fund raising action of cheerleaders gets Hannah Baker as his first “choice.” He calls her and she accepts an ice-cream date at Rosie’s another diner. She goes and she waits a long time when Marcus finally arrives, obviously counting on her not coming and yet checking beyond any decent time lapse if she had come after all, and she had.

 7- Fourth cassette, first side: Zach Dempsey, a student in the Peer Communication class where special personal bags are open to all messages from the members of the class, anonymous or not. Hannah is in the class too and she finds out Zach is stealing her messages, isolating her from any peer communication.

 8- Fourth cassette, second side: Ryan Shaver who is the editor of the “Lost N Found Gazette.” She has contact with him as a poet and they exchange their poetry. He likes one poem particularly and he, without her agreement, publishes the poem anonymously. In fact, the poem then is used in English classes, including Hannah’s with Mr. Porter. She resents the lack of trust the publishing of the poem reveals but she refuses to recognize the poem is hers.

9- Fifth cassette, first side: Clay Jensen who, Hannah says, does not belong here because he is all good. He works with her at the local cinema but the relation is not personal, only professional though friendly which does not mean much. One night he goes to a party (which is rare for him because in all his classes they are tested on Monday) and Hannah decides to go too to meet him. The meeting becomes friendly and could develop into something more intimate. But she stops it and asks him to leave, which he does.

 10- Fifth cassette, second side: this is the side that is not in the count of twelve. Still in the room where she had become nearly intimate with Clay, Hannah sees Justin Foley coming with Jessica Davis that is totally out, drunk and unconscious; Justin puts her in the bed and then Bryce Walker arrives, speaks with Justin and then rapes Jessica Walker after checking she was irresponsive. But the episode is centered on Hannah Baker because she could have stopped it if she had revealed her presence, hidden as she is in some cupboard. She did not. This episode is illogical since later on Clay will not send the tapes to Bryce Walker but to Jenny Kurtz that appears in the next episode.

 11- Sixth cassette, first side: Jenny Kurtz is the cheerleader who took Hannah’s “My Dollar Valentine’s” form, gave her the results and witnessed the call from Marcus Cooley. At the end of the previous party Hannah accepts a ride from Jenny Kurtz who runs into and over a stop sign. Hannah gets off then and witnesses two cars ramming into each other at that crossroads because the stop sign is down. One of the drivers is a senior from the school delivering pizzas. He is killed on the spot. She runs to a gas station to call the police but it is too late, the police are already on the way. She believes Jenny has called but she finds out later that it is Clay who called because he also witnessed the accident. Jenny’s bumper was hastily replaced and the first accident destroying the stop sign was hushed up.

 12- Sixth cassette, second side: Bryce Walker is the “hero” of this episode. Hannah looks after a house for the night next to a loud party further on in the street. When all the guests have left she decides to walk along and comes to the house where she finds Courtney and Bryce in a hot bath in the garden; They invite her and she accepts out of the worst possible motivation. She totally yields to Bryce’s rape just to motivate herself more to commit suicide. The decision is practically taken then. It is clear that she is still a virgin and sacrifices her virginity as a prelude to the sacrifice of her life.

 13- Seventh cassette, first side: Mr. Porter, her guidance counselor and English teacher. She asks for an appointment and gets one. She comes with her Walkman on in her backpack and she records the whole interview. Mr. Porter in insensitive, in fact non-empathetic. He is a pure bureaucrat who has learned his lesson more or less. He does not sense he is rejecting her into her clearly stated intention to commit suicide. He will not call the parents or contact anyone. He abandons her to her fate with three choices he enumerates: to press charges; to confront the rapist; or to move on.

 14- Seventh cassette, second side: No character at all. Just “Thank you.”

 The conclusion is Clay’s who recognizes he could have done more to establish a personal relation with Hannah but was never able to. In the school corridors on the day after his listening to the tapes, late for his class, he meets with Skye Miller that goes by and he runs after her and establishes some kind of contact probably to make up for his failure with Hannah. If things were that simple, the world would be beautiful.

 What can we say?

First high school life is absolutely dematerialized in this book since only the teenagers are captured with one exception, and maybe a half, among the adult personnel. It cannot cope with personal growing pains both preventively and curatively. The relations from Hannah’s point of view are nothing but bullying in any way possible including from the evanescent teachers. Parents are absent in society, even in the various institutions where the kids go, diners, and cinema. I cannot believe the only two workers in the cinema are Clay and Hannah. There must be a proprietor or manager or ticket checker somewhere for security and smooth work. These teenagers are totally abandoned to themselves.

 Suicide then becomes the only true solution or rather way-out or escape since these teenagers have no contact with adults even confrontational. There is one mention of Hannah being grounded and yet she goes to the party where she meets Clay by escaping her room through the window. The only adult who has some density is vain, bureaucratic and frankly not very well trained in the psychological domain since he does not recognize in his class the clear Asperger syndrome Hannah demonstrates and he is totally unmoved into any exceptional understanding or action by Hannah telling him she is going to commit suicide.

 What is left then?

 A narrow palette of the hundred shades of suicide teenagers, and anyone who comes to this conclusion that life is no longer worth living, encounter. Hannah says page 254 “I wish I would die.” And she develops with three “could”. What is surprising is that the text does not get to the next stage of “should” because someone who is to commit suicide has to come to the conviction they should, they must, they ought to do it. This is not reached with Hannah. Her last words to Clay on the day before dying are “I’m sorry!” She will use the same words when confronted to her being raped by Bryce. The phrase has at least two meanings and these two meanings are not exploited. They are a potential but totally uncultivated, hence wild. And this should have led the author to another meaning of suicide very present in the tapes left behind: “I’m sorry I have to do this but you will be sorry in your turn, you the twelve when you listen to the tapes, and you the twelve if the second set of tapes is made public.” There is in any attempt to commit suicide the idea that the survivors will be sorry and that you, the suicidee, will know about it, see it, witness it, and you, the suicidee, make sure there will be repayment after your death. That leads us to the idea that the rape she accepts is a sacrificial ritual on Hannah4s side spoiling her and thus justifying both her suicide and the repayment she will bring with her tapes, though from the description she gives of that rape it is more sex without any consensual agreement but with no resistance at all to any forced action from Bryce since there is no forced action from Bryce: she undresses herself and puts herself in the hot bath.

 The book is thus amazingly provocative but psychologically and even existentially rather superficial, though it reads tremendously well. Note in this high school world in modern times the sexual orientation of these young men and women is not only a pregnant question but a capital question, as supreme as the Supreme Court’s decision on it. This question is totally absent from the book, both in Hannah and in the young men and women around her, though many occasions were ripe to lead to such questions that were problematic like hell in older eras and are still quite enigmatic to many.

Dr. Jacques COULARDEAU

[thebookbeard-blog]

January was a weird month. I went through the first few days of 2017 feeling like I was coming down from a hangover of 2016, and I wish I meant that literally (I stayed in on New Year's Eve, partly because my mother spent the day at the hospital, partly because screw the idea of celebrating 2016). And then January just kept on going, and it just got weirder and weirder. You know what I'm talking about.

So I wanted to start out my reading year as gently as possible. I don't think I could have handled anything else. I wanted to pick out books that, to me at least, seemed warm and inviting.

Dr. Seuss & Mr. Geisel by Judith and Neil Morgan seemed like it fit the bill. I had already been inspired by kaptainkristian's superb video essay on Dr. Seuss and his rhyming techniques to finally pick this up (it had been sitting on my shelves for a while). Writer biographies are among my favorite things to read, anyway, so this seemed like a good place to start.

And it was. And it was indeed a gentle book, too -- although this didn’t always work to it’s advantage.

The Morgans were apparently good friends and neighbors of the Geisels, and so had access to a wealth of information and intimacies that would not have been available to many other would-be biographers. And this very much shows through in the book -- it reads very intimate. It’s an admiring and affectionate look at the life and labors of a well-beloved author.

A bit too admiring and affectionate at times, it turns out.

This is a mostly thorough book, covering Geisel's work from a very young age, up to college and adulthood and beyond. This life work is divided into chapters covering whatever big work Geisel was putting out that year (he really was a prolific man). A couple of these deal heavily with Geisel's political cartoons he created during the Second World War. The Morgans are quick to praise their artistry and ingenuity as well as the influence that they held, all the while glossing over the fact that a lot of them happened to also be extremely racist and anti-Japanese. This is a fact of Dr. Seuss that I had known for a while, and so I was on the look-out for discussion about it within the book. Alas. I wanted to make note of this in light of the fact that some of these cartoons have recently regained some prominence, given certain current events.

One other instance of the book being too gentle on its subject has to do with the chapter covering the death by suicide of Helen Palmer -- Geisel's first wife and a children’s author in her own right. It's a sad and somber account, and you feel like the the authors are writing about the death of an actual friend and person, and of a subject, which is commendable. I learned later, though, that one of the major reasons Helen decided to take her own life was the fact that Geisel was apparently having an affair with one of their close friends -- the same woman that later became his second wife. This is, given the Morgans relationship with the Geisels, an understandable enough omission, to be sure, but it is also a very glaring one in retrospect.

And I guess an argument could be made about the ethics and moralities of having such personal things in a book that, to be fair, largely focuses on the creative aspect of its subject. But I'm of the opinion that unpleasant details like this should be acknowledged and discussed. Especially so in biographies of well-known and well-loved. They are the things that show us that the people we admire are every bit as flawed and damaged as the rest of us, but are still capable of making the occasional magic.

Those are just two examples that I thought were interesting to think about. As I said, though, the bulk of the book deals with the creative work of an imminently fascinating and intensely prolific figure, and it does so wonderfully -- the chapters dealing the creation Seuss's "major" books being particularly illuminating. 

Dr. Seuss was and still is an influential and inspiring figure, warts and all. He was an artist -- a proper artist -- who did a tremendous amount of good, not just for children’s literature, but for literature in general. And he was, much like the Cat in the Hat, a trickster figure, larger than life itself. Large enough to cast a deep shadow over an entire industry.

It’s just important to recognize the rest of it all, too.

Seconds by Bryan Lee O'Malley was the second book I read this year -- something that was completely unintentional but still greatly pleases me. Lost at Sea was the third. Both were re-reads.

Seconds is about Katie Clay, head chef of a relatively successful restaurant who dreams of one day opening up her own. After a series of setbacks that keeps delaying this dream she is visited by a house spirit who gives her the ability the change past mistakes by ingesting some mushrooms.

So, you know, hardcore realism.

O'Malley's books seem to come into my life at pivotal moments. Scott Pilgrim was a very formative book for me: I was an insufferable hipster kid with insufferable hipster friends, and was close enough to the age of the characters that I saw my life reflected on its cartoony pages -- which was an interesting and dissecting kind of experience, to say the least. It's a hell of a thing to see a reflection of yourself in the hero of a story only to realize that both the hero and yourself have actually been complete and utter gits all this time ha ha ha let me tell you.

Seconds also came out at an age-appropriate time, and again I saw myself reflected in the main character, Katie, with her dreams and her passions and her fear of failure and mundane complacency. I was in my second year of a projected three-year stint at an office job, but, much like Katie and her bigger and fancier restaurant, I had higher and loftier aspirations.

When I came to re-read it a couple of weeks ago, I was closer to the character not only in terms of age (we were both 29 now), but in situation as well. I was still at my office job (fifth year of the projected three year stint) and while being extremely good and efficient at it, and appreciating the job’s relative safety, I found myself, like Katie, being frustrated by the mundane realities and setbacks of life. Trying to keep up with dreams is a challenge, but I wish it didn't always have to feel that way. It's exhausting.

Seconds is a story about taking control of your narrative at the expense of other people, and the meaning and consequences of it. It's a story about do-overs and what-ifs and what-might-have-beens. The main character finds all this out via the use of magic mushrooms, and while I'm not exactly fitting to go out into the real world in search of some enchanted fungi, I'm not going to say I wouldn't do the same as Katie did were I to come across such a thing.

This was, I believe, my third time reading the book. I've taken away something new after each read, and my love for it keeps growing exponentially. It's definitely O'Malley's most mature work, both in terms of themes and story, as well as art -- combining his hyper-graphic, chibi style of cartooning with the semi-realistic backgrounds and props of Jason Fischer and the gorgeous expressionist coloring of Nathan Fairbairn. 

They all compliment and enhance each other so well. Seconds has become my favorite of Bryan's books.

Lost at Sea is the only O'Malley book I've read at a time when I wasn't anywhere close to the age of the characters, since they are all teenagers. And this is very much a teenager story, all about trying to find yourself and the embarking on road trips in order to do so. It's a story about that deep and lonely aimlessness all moody and sensitive adolescents inevitably feel. 

It’s a feeling that we never really manage to outgrow, the vestiges of which manage to remain etched onto our aging souls, surfacing mostly during terribly long and existential nights. I was very much feeling when I first picked it up last year, and I was still feeling that when I decided to read it again this year. It helped both times. One of those books you read as an adult and wish you could go back in time and make a younger version of you read it as well. Maybe with the help of some mushrooms....

I love Bryan Lee O'Malley's books a lot. I hope he keeps making them for ever.

Between these I was also reading the collection Jillian Tamaki's SuperMutant Magic Academy, her gorgeous and gorgeously weird webcomic. Ostensibly the story of a group of super powered/magical/gifted teenagers at a boarding school, it’s described as a mash-up between Harry Potter and the X-Men, but really it's nothing like these. It is its own strange little thing.

I love that you can tell it began as an excuse for Tamaki to just let loose on the page. Tamaki is known for her crisp and clean line art that she uses for her books, but the art in a lot of SuperMutant strips -- and especially in the early ones -- are rough, almost sloppy, as if they were done quickly and in the moment. It fits the throw-away nature of the humor. The art style starts to get tighter as the strip goes on, and the light gags begin give way to darker jokes and meditations. Tamaki never chooses to permanently stay in one form or the other, though, neither in terms of art or story -- they never stop fluctuating. This gives the comic a kind of fluidity that make the strips range from the relatively straightforward

to the surreal

to the somber

more or less on a strip-to-strip basis.

(My favorites of these are the ones featuring Everlasting Boy, her immortal, silent character, whose strips consist of what I can only call playful existentialism.)

The strips are mostly self-contained, one-shot things, although the last few dozen that end the collection feature a poignant take on the Chosen One story that is so wonderfully and beautifully done that it borders on frustrating (it is so short). It's so good that it could have been expanded to it's own graphic novel. Maybe one day. What do you think, E.B.?