#i also have like 30 thousand 10 second videos lmao

[macbethz]

i forgor i took this p good pic of mr Cock(er) himself at the pulp show last night

[xo-alie-xo]

PORTWELL LONG GAME OR RINA SLOWBURN.

You can only choose one poison.🍷

Listen up my Wildcats.🐱

We all ship each character with happiness. No matter how much you love to hate them, a majority of us simply adores the characters and want the best for them. Then comes relationships and it's okay to ship our favorites.⛴

I'm a diehard Rina shipper and I know in my heart that they are series endgame. The set up, the natural chemistry, their mutual understanding, the surprises and angst literally put me on chokehold. So I'm 100% a Rina shipper till the end. I'm here for the slowburn and their development rather than one shots. They are worth the pain. 😭❤

Let me start with Ricky Bowen now.

Ricky shouldn't to be with Gina because he's hurting her mentality. He's not insensitive on purpose. Like when he tried to stop Big Red from telling her his message to Nina because he KNOWS it'll hurt her.

If you think, that Ricky didn't understand clearly when Gina confessed, think again. He shushed her. Kept their thing a secret from everyone. He knows he feels some type of way and she feels something too. But this boy is so used to safeguarding his childhood norms and has very little adaptability. Hence, he pretended to ignore everything between them because his home stability was falling apart and he clinged on to Nina, his constant childhood love.

He's a traumatised 16-17 year old boy that needs to heal and grow. This episode was heartbreaking because he had to accept that he had to let Nina go because their once upon a time fairytale had become toxic.

People change. I'm not the same person I was when I was 16 lmao. Being together as childhood lovers means growing together and accepting each other's growth. Which Ricky couldn't. He clutched to the idea of Nini. Even his love confession. It was sooo sweet but all he did was focus on their history.

This boy needs time to heal and maybe seek professional therapy. It would be so DAMN HISTORIC if Disney decides to take psychological issues seriously and show how he's dealing with his anxiety, pills and psychotherapy. He needs to breathe before he can be with any girl for that matter. He's hurting and isn't trying to hurt anyone on purpose. Including Gina.

Him asking her for advice on Nini was a dumb, insensitive move. But he's trying to find a way to build some supportive friendship that they shared in early season one.

As for now, this boy needs to get his own grip on life and heal.

As for our Queen Gina

In Gina's confession, she focuses on their future. She basically said, "I wouldn't quit on a possible future of us being together despite obstacles. Because I never quit. But moving away isn't in my control." Ricky deep down knows this, encouraged her to say it, teary eyed, despite right after getting back together with Nini. Gina is his future. She went to his new house. And I also have this feeling that when she was given a chance to stay, she stayed partly because of Ricky. She left a chance to be with her mom because she prioritised their relationship. Because she never quits. 💪🏼

But she came back and found out Ricky has gotten back together with Nini.😭 What she doesn't know is Ricky got together with Nina before her confession, and after Gina kept dodging his messages. She's hurt and questions why she returned because she isn't particularly close to anyone. Hence, she was so silent at the after party. She thinks it'll be fine, "she'll live", and finds other reasons to find permanence. Her arc this season has been settling down in East High, despite the pain of losing and being 'betrayed' by Ricky, she finds other reasons to stay. 🏡

This kind of contrasts her with Nina. Nina left her dream school and came to Salt Lake because she missed her established home, and not just because of Ricky. Nina returned and was loved and embraced by Ricky Bowen.💕 Gina came back to a semi new place called Salt Lake because of her promise of a future to Ricky. But she got stabbed and she bled. 💔🗡

Think about her situation. She feels confused, alone, heartbroken, out of place and seperated from her mom. She's broken and hurting too. And she doesn't need more from Ricky's accidental or intentional 'sick burns'. That's the one line where he was such a jerk and I can't defend him here. 😠

Here comes the Caswells.

Her second family. A place of healthy stability. A home that accepted her. Ashlyn, her roomie and her confidante. EJ, the misunderstood boy who saw her value and bought her plane ticket.

Let's get to EJ.

At first, I wasn't too keen on seeing Portwell's development. But then that video chat where they talk about the possibility of her staying and him convincing her. Had me sold for a solid brother-sister relationship. Few episodes later, when Gina's pain seemed to be oblivious to everyone, he was the only one who asked her how she was, and saw her glow. The comfort she must've felt.

Not that she needs a man's validation, but she must be feeling like a second choice and feeling a little insecure because of Ricky. But EJ lifts her up and I genuinely saw her smile. This boy has her back whenever. The man she can lean on and truly sees how special she is. She no longer feels alone now that she has his entire fam and other friends. She genuinely feels a place of belonging and happiness when she's the apple of his eye. Notice how happy she is? How happy this boy is? She's going through her own issues and she has found ground with EJ.

I was very doubtful when they started hinting at a romantic direction. Because EJ would be used as plot device again for a girl to get to Ricky.😤 This man doesn't deserve to be second best to anyone, just like Gina.😑 That's why I'm still hesitant on shipping them at least temporarily. EJ needs to be something even more special to Gina. They need to show each other how special and treasured they are to each other despite feeling like rejects. They are each other's source of comfort.

I'm sure they can keep EJ at East High for the next season. Whether it's the drama club, or the AV club or going to a local college. So he will be there for Gina. I don't know how they can work out a relationship with much distance as Rini's fell out when she moved away. So, if EJ leaves again, it'll again shake up Gina. Her being worried whether he'll date college girls, second thoughts, etc. I don't want them to go through that. And if they do move on to romantic Portwell, make sure it's not plot device for Rina. So you can either have Portwell endgame or Rina Endgame.

Basically I want Gina to be treated so right that she understands she doesn't need Ricky. And when he does ask her out, and he makes her feel like a second choice or a rebound, she says NO. Because EJ has helped regain her self assurance. Eventually I want Gina to confide in EJ about her and Ricky. EJ is jealous but also angry about how Ricky has been hurting her. And becomes damn protective of his 'babe'. Ricky gets jealous of their relationship, restarting Ricky and EJ's old rivalry. But this time, it's not because Gina is his girlfriend, but because she's EJ's best friend who he has a crush on and wants what's best for her.

If it's meant to be Rina endgame

EJ- RICKY, YOU IDIOT! You have no clue how to treat her right. You don't put her first. You mislead her. Get the hell away from her! She's too powerful and beautiful, she doesn't deserve your scraps. I know how she feels for you. I wish I were you. I would treat her like a queen. I don't mind even waiting years till she's ready. She deserves that. You're so lucky you have even a small chance that I may never have. So get your act together, prove you're worth it to win her over. All I want is for her to be happy. Even if it's with someone else. And maybe then I'll stop threatening you to stay away from her.😠

Ricky- .....I don't know what I'm more scared of. Change, or losing the girl I fell for or YOU. Okay, losing her but you're a close second.😬

If it's Portwell endgame.

Ricky- I messed up. Make sure you don't mess up with her. You'll regret it forever.

EJ- I'd rather get hit by thousand basketballs than ever hurt her. I'll be her plus one and her best friend until she's ready to be with me. I know she's ready now too. But I want her to know I'm willing to wait till she graduates before we make it official. I'm in it for the long game.

As for their age gap. I'm 100% sure Portwell won't kiss this season. If they do, it'll be next when Sofia turns 18. They are professional actors who are cast because they are the perfect fit for the role and are expected to carry out the storyline. But I suppose fearing some outbursts, they might delay Sofia kissing anyone till next season. It's so weird because Olivia was maybe 17 when Matt was 21-22 when they kissed in season one. But no one had a problem with that. But for this, they do. Remember, they are professional actors. They are acting! Sometimes, actors are over 10 years apart (but above 18) and act as romantic partners.

As for their characters, they are only two years apart. That's hardly any difference once you're over the age of 18. Age of consent is 16. But adults above 18 are only allowed to have sex with adults above 18. So, age isn't a problem here because EJ is a gentleman and is genuinely interested in her and isn't trying to get in her pants. So age isn't the issue when it comes to dating. It's the maturity. Gina is very mature and gives very sound advice. But I can see EJ being patient enough till she turns 18 just to kiss her because he loves her. 😚

As for the Ashlyn remark, "You look like a kid to me rn". He was JOKING.😂 Don't take things out of context. I tell my cousin sister that all the time. But she's three years younger than me and a grown adult. I don't see her as a kid but it's just a cousin teasing her younger cousin that's she's a little immature. I'm Matt's age and I'm very mature for my age and since I was a teenager, I always matched up with boys a little older than me. Now that I'm in my early 20s, I've dated boys even close to 30. So age is just a number.

EJ dating Gina and giving her quick kisses is fine. But to have a strong sexual element in their relationship (including making out), he'll have to wait till she's 18+. And I'm sure for that he'll wait till she's ready even past her early 20s. Age is really just a number and we can't help who we fall in love with. Trust me, I've been there.😂 So I can see EJ feeling conflicted about his feelings that are clear at this point.

They might not be a perfect fit, but they make each other sooo happy. They deserve a lot more than a short lived fling.😟 They are either endgame or Rina is. You can't have both as a Rina unless you're an EJ hater who wants him to exist as plot device. Nope! He's sooo much more precious than that.

But Jack on the other hand....I'm okay if he's the one to make Ricky or EJ jealous. Because he's just been introduced and it's okay if a character is used, but only once, for someone else to realize their feelings. 💁🏽‍♀️

In short.

Ricky needs help and needs to be on his own. No girlfriends allowed.🙅🏽‍♀️🚫

Needs to give both Gina and Nina space for them to grow on their own too.🌳

Ricky needs to understand the core of his problems and become more adaptable via therapy. Maybe the psychologist will point out his unresolved feelings for Gina, or he will conclude it himself. And in comes Ricky-pining-for-Gina season three.

Ricky needs to fully get over Nina before he moves on to anyone. Same for Gina if Portwell were to happen. No one deserves to be second choice.

Gina isn't Ricky's cushion. She's a living person with strong feelings for him and shouldn't be subjected to share his pain. She already struggles with her own issues.

Ricky needs to stay single till he wins back Gina and prove he's worth it. He needs to show even if another girl wants him, he'll never quit on Gina ever again. Even if he has to watch her be with someone else. *cough parallels*.

It's either romantic Rina then Portwell endgame OR Portwell flirty besties but Rina endgame. You and I can choose only one because my boy EJ shouldn't be used as plot device for a girl to leave for Ricky ever again.

Portwell's age difference can be practically solved and isn't much of an issue unless they get hot and heavy before Gina turns 18 which is impossible considering this is Disney. 🤣🤣

Jack and Gina will be plot device material and purely so sentimental to us OG Andi Mack fans. More than any ship, this is what I'm looking for. Sort of an Andi Mack crack ship for season 3a. It's gonna be soooo funny. 😍😂

I respect everyone's ship. I see what you're seeing. And I'm not going to invalidate your ship. But unless it's done right, I won't jump from the Rina ship. I liked Rini. I like Portwell. I like AU Juffy crackship haha.😂 But as for me, I'm still holding on to Rina slowburn.

Preparing myself for the pain. 😭🔥

(But if I had to pair two characters without Disney getting in the way, it would be Gini. The power duo. Undeniable chemistry. They can be written so well because of their layered relationship and contrasting personalities.🤩 The classic rivals to friends to lovers. But that's a talk for another day lmao.)

Thanks for reading my opinion, Wildcat!🐱❤

[062467]

Rammstein Tag Game!

Rules: - Tag the person who tagged you, so they know. - Put your answers under the questions. - Tag as many awesome people as you want. - Feel free to do it if you weren’t tagged! Here we go!

I don’t remember who I was tagged by, this draft post is like 3 years old i’m sorry haha

1. If you get a chance to take a photo with your favorite member, would you like them to smile, make an interesting pose, be serious or something else?

I would honestly love them to smile, there’s nothing more precious than them, six men who do pyro, sing about eating humans and generally seem badass and scary, smiling.

2. If you could choose only one of the previous live performances to go to, which one would you choose?

opening of the Mutter tour, or the one when they played Lied von der unruhevollen Jugend or Pet Sematary. honestly, i’d just blind pick one of these.

3. How old were you when Sehnsucht came out? (1997)

-3:) kill me now

4. Which era (their appearance/look) do you think was the best?

MUTTER, THE RED FLÄMIN HOT CHEETO TIPS. or just the general full-on fed hair thing. but Reise, Reise was also flaming hot.

5. What’s your desired relationship with Frau Schneider? (wife, mother, etc.)

I feel like she’d be this one annoying aunt, who you love despite them being irritating as shit. love me some Frau.

6. Which hairstyle suits each member the best in your opinion?

Paul: the long hair, doesn’t matter if blonde or brown Till: his Herzeleid hair or the silver-ish Sehnsucht Richard: spiky black, like Ich-Will-video level spiky black. but I live for richard in long-ish hair... Flake: blonde Oliver: hehe. no but seriously a full beard suits him. Schneider: I feel like now is my favorite Schneider era. that or either the Sehnsucht one.

7. Which of the members do you think you’d get along with the best and why?

either Paul, because I’m a goofy mess, but can pose as intimidating, or Richard, because I’d constantly express my admiration for him. and he’d love that. on a serious note tho, I feel like we have some problems in common, as well as the supernatural thingy would be an interesting topic to tackle. idk, I’d do my best to get along with all of them.

8. Which of the members do you think you’d get along with the least and why?

probably Flake, Oliver or Till. I heard that Flake is cranky and seems shy, same with Oli, I’m shy too, so idk if any conversation would ever take place haha. and with Till I’d simply be too damn scared to say a thing. so there’s that. basically we wouldn’t *dislike* each other, there would be barely any contact lol

9. Who of the members would you like to see singing with Till?

hell, maybe Ollie or Doom, just because I never heard them sing with him, I think.

10. Which band’s song would you wish to see as a cover by Rammstein?

idk, they always kinda surprised me with their cover choices and execution, so I wouldn’t like to change that, they’re doing a good job.

11. Who of the members would make the best dad?

something tells me that Schneider is a really caring dad.

12. If you got the chance to interview Rammstein, what would you ask them?

how do you pick you setlist? what qualifies a track to be an opener?

do you come up with stage and outfits concept yourself, or is it suggested by someone else?

what flavor of ice cream would you be?

what is your most vivid memory from your childhood?

which era is your favorite?

do you have a vision of a music video for a song that never got one? or a different vision than the music video it got?

I’d rather not write all of it here. not because they’re inappropriate or something, it’s just, I don’t even wanna start writing some of them, because I’m gonna cry lmao.

13. Would you consider of doing a nude scene in Rammstein’s music video? (just you appearing nude, nothing too nsfw)

I mean, if course I’d consider it. it would depend on my shape at the time and just on that probably. doing acts and nude scenes is, supposedly, very liberating and makes you more comfortable with yourself, so why not. and hey - I’d be in a Rammstein video haha. (I’d probably not like the way I look and hate myself a bit for doing the scene)

14. If you could remake a movie(s) so that the main role is played by one of the members, which movie(s) would you like to remake?

my favorite movies are always pretty tragic or scary as fuck for the main character, so idk if I’d like to see any of the members in such state.

15. Who of the members would make the best husband?

I will go with Flake or Ollie

16. You can put eyeliner on one of the members, who do you pick?

well, Richard, obviously, since he doesn’t seem to do it anymore (which should be considered a crime, he looks so good in eyeliner jeez).

17. Who of the members would make the creepiest uncle?

Till. all the way lmao. like, imagine him on family gatherings doing all the hips and tongue movements aaaa.

18. What do you think about the “Pussy” music video?

I love it, it’s so funny to me. when I watch it, it’s always a mixture of being a tad uncomfortable, turned on and giggly.

19. If you could travel somewhere with Rammstein and pick a destination, where would you go?

I’d go to the place where they had the whole creative process (and recording, I believe) of LIFAD or Mutter. I’d just like to kinda re-live it with them.

20. Who of the members would be the best to get drunk with?

I’d love to get hammered with Paulchen.

21. Could you sing Engel with Till in front of thousands?

hell yeah, this is one of the few songs I feel comfortable singing. I’d love to do that even more if it was done like on 2019 stadium tour, on the b-stage, only with piano and rest of the group humming. ahh.

22. With which member would you agree to swap clothes with and with which one would you definitely not?

if we’re talking personal style, Paul has some poppin outfits, from what I’ve seen, Richard and his shirts, however... I would just let him rock them:)

now if we’re talking stage outfits, I’d LOVE to switch with Richard (especially the fluffy coat), there’s not really a person I wouldn’t switch with, as long as they’re not topless haha.

23. Which of the members do you think would win in a stripping competition?

Richard.

24. Which of the following would you rather be?

- Rammstein’s manager - Rammstein’s make up artist 🙋🏻‍♀️ - Rammstein’s bodyguard

25. Which of the members would make the best best friend?

Paul.

26. Which Rammstein song do you skip on your shuffle? (There must be that one song you just don’t need at the moment)

Stirb nicht vor mir. I’m sorry but I rarely can stomach it. it’s a nice song in theory, but there’s just something about it that I can’t stand, maybe it’s the other artist’s voice, I don’t know.

27. What would you do if Paul made a bad joke about you? (With good intentions but slightly rude)

I’d laugh and pretend to be offended for a quick second haha

28. Who would you give a stuffed animal and who a leather thong for their birthday? XD

I’d give the animal to Flake and the thong to Till.

29. Are you concerned about anything that has to do with Rammstein?

I’m always scared for them tbh. oftentimes I’m just petrified at the thought of stage/pyro malfunction, I mean what they’re doing is some really dangerous stuff.

besides, I’m scared when I think that they won’t be here forever, sometimes I’m scared that they won’t be there when I’ll be in my 30s, so I’m grateful for every moment I can cherish them and their craft, for every minute at the shows.

30. Would you like to get a tattoo that refers to Rammstein?

yeah, I’d like a couple.

31. Would you pet Oliver’s head?

who tf wouldn’t like to?

32. Which position in Rammstein do you find the hardest to be? (for example: the frontman, drummer, bassist etc.)

probably frontman, lots and lots of pressure, most eyes are probably on them, they have to use most dangerous props and move a lot, so it takes a physical toll as well.

33. If you could have one of the members with you in school/work to protect you from evil, who would you take?

oh damn, that’s an interesting one. Richard, Is love to have him around.

34. If you were in one of the boys position, would you feel awkward or strange when you see your face on a giant poster?

of course, I’d hate it, probably. after sometime tho, I’d get used to it.

35. Would you Flake dance with Flake on stage?

if only I could dance like him haha, but I’d love to try!

36. Do you think any of the songs are underrated or overrated and why?

obviously I think Du hast is a tad overrated, as for underrated - Nebel, Adios, Hilf mir, Dalai Lama, just off the top of my head.

37. Who of the members would make the best breakfast?

I’m gonna go with Ollie, he’s so stoic and always in great shape.

38. Would you like them to make a song in your native language? (If they haven’t already)

hm, Till made an intro to polish edition of Sehnsucht and it was very sweet to hear it, but I don’t think so, no. if it was like in Ausländer, one or two words, sure, but I never want to get over the excitement of Till speaking Polish haha.

39. Which Rammstein couple combinations do you ship?

I don’t I mean I love all the sweet moments they share, but I get a bit uncomfortable when people make it out to be a bigger thing than it is. of course I love to joke around about their bromances, but it’s as far as it gets tbh.

40. Would you join Richard in his spray tanning hour?

I mean, damn, I love being pale-ish, but we’d have to be barely clothed while in there, right...?

RIGHT...?

41. What Rammstein possession are you most fond of? (merchandise, album or other)

probably the Völkerball photo album, I love it. I particularly like to go to the index and search for pictures from Poland, it makes me very emotional.

42. Favorite song performed live?

Heirate mich or Was ich liebe.

43. Would you dare to touch Frau Schneider’s hair?

I’d beg her to allow me to.

44. Rammstein with beard? Yes/No

yes, except from Richard and Flake.

45. Which of the members would be the best for playing video games with?

Paulie or Ollie.

46. Red haired Rammstein or blonde Rammstein?

oh shit oh fuck, I’m gonna go with blonde just because red tips Rammstein>redhead Rammstein.

47. Favorite interview with one or all Rammstein members?

Viva Jam 1998, still have a copy on my computer, it’s my first and favorite interview.

48. Would you Till hammer with Till on stage?

what are these questions, of course I would.

49. Your favorite feature in each member?

Paul: smile creases Schneider: smile! Flake: I love his whole face, it’s so calming Till: eyes and lips, can’t choose Oliver: his chest and him being a friggin giant Richard: tummy and lisp (I hope it can be considered a feature)

50. If you could write a letter to Rammstein what would you write?

some cheesy shit I will not share here.

I tag @amura @gay-pengy @beauty-at-matrix @naraism @followthecreeper

[farfromdaylight]

OKAY HERE WE GO, THE STAT POST TO END ALL STAT POSTS

first and most important: what the everliving fuck, i wrote a million words in a year. if you told me this time last year that this was what i was going to aspire to, i would have assumed it was an april fool's joke. like. lmao you're kidding right.

end total was 1,000,111! i had wanted a million and one words but when i calcuated my numbers i had, uh, a million and thirty. :"| so i had to write some 80 words in the like 10 minutes i had left. way to go, me.

october is highlighted for a very important reason: it's the month i switched to colemak. the fact that my wph/wpm has only improved since that time is a pretty strong vote in its favor, i think. i do still experience hand pain, but i think that has more to do with the fact that i write for two hours a day than the keyboard layout. certainly it's nice to have a more ergonomic design. (most of my current pain is actually from my mouse location; working on fixing that issue next.)

more highlights & tl;dr under the cut bc heaven knows this is going to get obnoxiously long

firstly, a project breakdown -- what is that million words made of?

immortal au -- 813,127 words (unintentional but delightful)

everybody says this is your home -- 166,680 words

roughly 20k of cuts, snippets, drabbles, etc

so, not surprising; heaven knows i only worked on two real stories in the past year. this is something i want to change over this next year, though i'm not yet sure what those stories will be.

highs & lows

most words written in a single day: 11,181 (11/1)

most time spent writing in a single day: 8 hours, 20 minutes (11/1) (start of nano, also i was going on vacation that weekend and wanted a buffer)

least words written/day: 80 (9/24)

least time spent/day: 5 minutes (9/24) (i had had zero sleep)

best words per hour/minute: 2159/36 (2/26) (i wrote 203 words in 4 minutes and nearly lost it, because i am That Kind Of Person)

worst words per hour/minute: 599/10 (10/1) (first day of colemak; i didn't even write 600 words in the hour i spent writing)

most time spent writing/month: 107 hours, 16 minutes (november) (duh)

least time spent writing/month: 39 hours (may) (ah yes, back when i was aiming for a thousand words a day... that didn't last long...)

other stats

on average, i write for about 57 hours, 40 minutes per month. no wonder i haven't been able to play many video games lately -- writing took up that timeslot.

that said, i only spent 8% of the past year writing. 691 hours sounds like a ton of time, but it averages out to 2 hours a day. given that i spend 8 hours a day sleeping (...give or take), 2 hours is really not that much of a loss. though as i mentioned in the other post, 1 hour of writing often equates to two hours of real time. even then, 16% of a year/1400 hours is really not that much time in the grand scheme of things.

i have made roughly 500 posts about writing on here in the past year, for which i apologize. the number's rough because there are a few more posts than that on dw but i don't feel like sorting through it at the moment to figure out the exact number. either way: i am so, so sorry. how have you all not unfollowed me. i do not understand.

quartiles

i calculated the quartiles for words/time/wph, and i find them pretty interesting:

words

first quartile (25%): 1,355

second quartile (50%): 2,239

third quartile (75%): 3,555

time

first quartile (25%): 1 hour, 3 minutes

second quartile (50%): 1 hour, 27 minutes

third quartile (75%): 2 hours, 30 minutes

words per hour (wpm)

first quartile (25%): 1,214 (20)

second quartile (50%): 1,407 (23)

third quartile (75%): 1,619 (27)

the reason i find them interesting is that they don't match up at all! you'd think that since the wph is calculated from words over time they'd even out, but apparently not. despite all evidence to the contrary i'm actually not great at statistics, so i'm not sure what conclusion to draw, but my guess is that it has to do with the fact that my wph did something of a bell curve over the past 12 months. but who knows.

(incidentally i do want to turn all these numbers into Pretty Charts, but i... have not figured out that part of google sheets yet, lmao. i'm sure i'll figure it out eventually. so far all i have managed are a bunch of squiggles. they are pretty squiggles but they are squiggles nonetheless.)

etc

so one of my overall goals for 2018 was to write a million words in 2018 specifically (ie starting jan 1--ending dec 31), and i'm not sure if i still want to go for it. on the one hand, i'm about 50,000 words ahead of pace, and like, that's a terrible buffer to lose. i am also Very Bad at giving up goals.

on the other hand...... the reason i am ahead is because i noticed in january that i was really close to writing a million words in 365 days. i tried to tell myself that i wasn't going to aim for it because of how burnt out i was, but. 😐 we can see how well that worked out. 😐

the thing is, though, i am tired. i am unbelievably tired. that chart says that i averaged 2 hours of writing a day in march, and as far as math in concerned, that's true. in actual fact, though, i averaged 1h30m of writing from 3/1 through 3/24, and four hours a day for the past week. i'm fucking exhausted. and it's exactly what i did in february, and in january. i can't do a whole year of that.

so. i am going to aim for 50,000 words next month, because it's camp nano and because 50k is, at this point, a very achievable number. (i mean for god's sake, i just did it in a week. i can do it in a month. in fact i would love to do it in a month.) and i am going to use the rest of that time to work on the worldbuilding, planning, and plotting i have pushed aside for the past five months in pursuit of ever-growing wordcounts.

that's april. the rest i can figure out later.

[yujachachacha]

Get to know me

Tagged by @symphonyalpha​ (I forgot the URL for a second and was like, “Why isn’t Jaewhy showing up when I type it in the user mention???” lol).

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

Last: 1. Drink: Barley water, because that’s what my family drinks ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 2. Phone call: My grandma, telling me what time she needed me to drive her to her doctor’s appointment. 3. Text message: To my little brother, telling him to STFU because he kept sending me dumb shit on iMessage. 4. Song you listened to: Does SIF count? If so, “Sore wa Bokutachi no Kiseki”. If not, I was headbanging to “Paradise Lost” by Chihara Minori after dropping my grandma off at her friend’s place the other day, lol. 5. Time you cried: tbh I probably teared up a little when I was watching the footage from the Lantis preview of the Aqours 1st Live BD/DVDs ｡ﾟ( ﾟஇωஇﾟ)ﾟ｡

Have you: 6. Dated someone twice: I haven’t even dated someone once :’))) 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: I’ve kissed exactly one person, so...hm. There was a period of time when I had conflicting emotions over what happened, but in the end, I don’t think I regret it. 8. Been cheated on: See #6. 9. Lost someone special: I’ve had a grandfather pass away, and this is probably going to sound bad, but...I really appreciated him, and he was nothing but kind to me. However, since I’d only seen him about three times in my life, the biggest way his death affected me was through my mother. It took her a while to get over my grandfather’s death, so it changed the way I behaved around her during that time. 10. Been depressed: Yes. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Exactly once, because I made the mistake of keeping pace with my uncle in Korea who takes soju shots like a champ. This also happened to be the night before Lunar New Year, so I got chewed out by my aunt (older sister of my uncle) once she realized why I was so lethargic during the festivities. _(:3 」∠)_ I don’t regret it though, because before that I had never been hungover before and was wondering what my limit was, haha.

List 3 favorite colors: 12-14. Red, blue, and...uh...other than those two I don’t have any definite faves. I guess the third would be either yellow or purple...? I’ll just go with purple for the sake of completion.

In the last year have you: 15. Made new friends: #TeamONIBE 16. Fallen out of love: That would require me to fall in love with someone first. 17. Laughed until you cried: I think it might have been when Mayushii and King did that disastrous cooking niconama. Like...what the actual fuck, do they seriously not know anything about basic kitchen safety and hygiene??? 18. Found out someone was talking about you: The number of times I’ve gone on to Discord and found out that someone in ONIBE was talkin’ smack about me... (｡･ˇ_ˇ･｡) It’s all in good fun though, haha. 19. Met someone who changed you: See #15. 20. Found out who your friends are: Nothing says "friendship” like screaming your heart out at an anisong concert, eating McNuggets while insanely drunk, sleeping while squished together in a seedy neighborhood, wotaing loudly in a moving vehicle, and other various activities I did with people I had never met in real life. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ AX 2017 was hella great for ONIBE bonding. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: I don’t think I’ve even used FB for non-work stuff since 2016 lol

General: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: If this means “I’ve actually met them in person and have had a decent conversation with them”, then maybe a few hundred? But if this means that I actually talk to them on a semi-regular basis, then, like...10, maybe. :’) 23. Do you have any pets: See my answer in the previous chain post I did. tl;dr I had a turtle and a dog in elementary school, but after that, no pets. I’d like to have a dog when I get a place of my own, though. 24. Do you want to change your name: Nope. 25. What did you do for your last birthday: Watched LLS Episode 13 in the morning and ate Korean BBQ in the evening. 26. What time did you wake up: Today? I honestly don’t remember. Sometime before 9? 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Laughing at dumb shit on Twitter and Discord, probably. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: The Delayed Viewing for the 2nd Live for the US! I’m making plans to meet up with ONIBE folks again and it’s gonna be ~L I T~ 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Early in the morning. She was like “lol get up and lose some weight” while I was still in bed so I groaned back, “You’re one to talk,” and went back to sleep. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I was gonna say “how about eliminating my student loans haha” but I suppose this is supposed to be a more serious question. I guess it’d be nice if I was a neater person. Like, my room is a total mess right now and I’m terrible at keeping track of things I should be working on... 31. Listening right now: Fun fact - I actually only listen to music while I’m driving. Otherwise, it distracts me from what I should be doing. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yup, that was the name of my debate coach when I was in junior high. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: People who hate on LL seiyuu. Like, they’re actual human beings who are working really hard to live up to the expectations of thousands - no, millions of people worldwide. To be quite honest, I invite you to tell me if you legitimately want to shit on any one of them (both µ’s and Aqours), because I have yet to see a single person who has had a good justification for doing so. 34. Most visited website: Probably Tumblr/YouTube/Twitter/Reddit, too lazy to figure out which one of those it is.

Jaewhy put in random questions here because they were missing for some reason, so I guess I’ll continue those: 35. Mole(s): I have a few around my face, but other than the one on my right cheek I don’t think they’re that noticeable? I don’t spend a lot of time in the sun like other Californians. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 36. Mark(s): I have a birthmark on the backside of my right shoulder that I’m sort of self-conscious about. It’s the perfect shape for getting a tattoo of a sunflower around it, so maybe I’ll do that some time in the future? 37. Childhood dream: Lawyer. 38. Hair color: I feel like I’ve answered this in a previous chain post, but it’s black. Duh. Though if you hold it up to the sun, some of the ends are more like dark brown. 39. Long or short: Long. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: See #16. Nope. 41. What do you like about yourself: I’ve spent an unhealthy amount of time staring at computers/video games and I still don’t need glasses. :D 42. Piercings: No, but I should probably get my ears pierced at some point? 43. Blood type: O. 44. Nickname: Yujacha, but a lot of people shorten it to “Yuja”. 45. Relationship status: Single. 46. Zodiac: Libra, Dog. 47. Pronouns: I feel like it’s obvious what gender I am, so just go with those. 48. Favorite TV show: I don’t really watch TV these days, but if I’m kicking back with some hot cocoa at like 2am I might watch Criminal Minds or something. 49. Tattoos: Nope, but like I said in #36 I’ve been thinking about it. 50. Right or left hand: Right. 51. Surgery: Wisdom teeth removal is technically dental surgery. 52. Hair dyed in different color: I had highlights in my hair a few years ago, but they faded real quick. I’m vaguely considering dyeing it brown in the distant future...? 53. Sport: It’s fun to watch the occasional match when there’s a World Cup or Olympic thing going on, but otherwise I have no interest. 54. (A question I came up with since #54 was missing) Extracurricular activities: I was a debate kid for most of my school life, and in college I was in the Korean Club and Student Union. 55. Vacation: Does the 2nd Live DV later this year count? 56. Pair of trainers sneakers *American anthem plays in the distance*: I actually need new ones because I’ve tripped while hiking on at least two separate occasions due to my shitty old sneakers.

More general: 57. Eating: Haven’t yet. 58. Drinking: Wasn’t this literally the first question? 59. I’m about to: Eat. 60. (This question was missing so I'll make one up again) Thinking about: What to eat lol 61. Waiting for: 2nd Live DV~ 62. Want: Money tbh 63. Get married: I’d like to at some point, but at the moment I’m kinda tired of hearing about it from every middle-aged woman who talks to me (including my own mother). 64. Career: Working on it.

Which is better: 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs, because they’re warm and comfy and can be shared by complete strangers. 66. Lips or eyes: I was gonna repeat a previous answer and say “eyesmiles” but since this is “lips or eyes” rather than “smiles or eyes”, I guess my answer would fall more under “eyes”. 67. Shorter or taller: Bruh, if someone’s shorter than me then I’d need to check their ID to make sure they’re not jailbait. Taller. 68. Older or younger: I’ve never dated anyone so I honestly wouldn’t know, but I’d probably look for someone close to my age first? 69. (Lmao why was 69 missing :3c I’ll just make something up again) Outgoing or shy: The former, since I’m lazy. If someone doesn’t drag me to places I’ll just lay in bed all day. 70. Nice arms or stomach: It’s actually really hard for females to have a toned stomach, so any gals with abs are like ooh~ 👀 But I actually like hands! I have smol stubby fingers so I really dig people with nice hands. 71. Sensitive or loud: The former, because I don’t need the entire neighborhood to know when I’m gettin’ laid kthnx 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship, because sure why not? 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Maybe the former, but if they’re being too much of a lil’ shit then I’d go for the latter instead. I’ve dealt with friends who take like 20 minutes to decide what to order from a menu so I know that feel. :’)

Have you ever: 74. Kissed a stranger: Nope. 75. Drank hard liquor: Yup. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I’m pretty sure I annoyed half of ONIBE during AX when I went “haha y’all are blind af” after I found out I was pretty much the only one who didn’t have corrected vision. 77. Turned someone down: I was about to say “no” and then I got a sudden flashback to a certain incident in college, wow thanks for making me remember something I had tried to forget...sooo, uh, yup. 78. Sex on the first date: See #6. 79. Broken someone’s heart: IDK if turning someone down counts as breaking their heart. 80. Had your heart broken: ...yes. I think? 81. Been arrested: Nope. 82. Cried when someone died: Do fictional characters count? 83. Fallen for a friend: Uhhhhh...kind of? It was complicated.

Do you believe in: 84. Yourself: I’d like to think that I do. 85. Miracles: KISEKI DA YO~ ...sorry, I had to. Yeah. 86. Love at first sight: Shukashuu is living proof of this. 87. Santa Claus: Nope, sorry Maki!!! 88. Kiss on the first date: Sure.

Other: 90. Current best friend(s) name: IDK if I have one. :’) 91. Eye color: I’m Asian, take a wild guess. 92. Favorite movie: I don’t really have a favorite, but I did like “Kimi no Na wa.” (Your name.) so much that I made it my phone’s lock screen.

Tagging: I've only tagged people the first time I did one of these and I’m gonna try to keep it that way. If anyone who reads this wants to give it a go, feel free~

[callsignbaphomet]

1-60 for Jelani (i believe thats how u spell it omg im sorry im AWFUL w names)

Yeah, that's how you spell his name. I'm terrible with names as well, it's why I gotta keep repeating them or I'll forget lol1: What is your character's biggest fear?Migraine attacks. He gets them at random and after countless tests no one has any idea what sets them off or why. Besides the immeasurable amount of pain that can cause him to blackout, his blood pressure spikes and he gets really bad nosebleeds and what's worse is that after a migraine attack his night terrors and sleep paralysis act up even more which makes him freak out and often ends with him being sedated.After migraine attacks he's hit with some very heavy insomnia that can last a week and some odd days, which brings a whole new mess of problems and risks: the fast and erratic heartbeats, the schizophrenia-like symptoms, imbalance of hormones, memory loss, headaches, microsleeps, hallucinations and so on. The only thing that sorta helps is a chemically induced coma.2: What is your character's favorite memory?When he was a kid Loke and Alfr would always take him everywhere and would constantly play with him. Alfr was kind of like an older sibling to him. One time Loke and Alfr set out to take some supplies to another village which was a 4 day trip and they took Jelani with them. Just four days with his brother and his brother's boyfriend travelling by themselves.3: What is your character's least favorite memory?During a raid his paternal grandfather was gravely injured and as much as Jelani tried to help he still died in front of him.4: Does anyone have a crush on your character? Is your character aware of this?Currently Mason does. Jelani knows but he is not going to do anything about it. He's married.5: Describe your character's dream date.Something simple. Out to eat, find a nice and tranquil place to just talk until sunrise.6: What is your character's sexual orientation?Pansexual.7: How does your character feel about their name?What's not to like? He was named after his maternal grandfather, the name means "mighty" and it only helps to boost his already elevated ego. He probably woulda ended up being named Ragnvaldr but his dad insisted that his mom name him.8: Does your character hate anyone? Why?Lucian. Out of jealousy he turned the other celestial beings against Jelani and a whole drama started that ended in war and billions dead. TBH Jelani shoulda known better but he had a short temper back then.Hróarr. The man that killed his paternal grandfather. He became Hróarr One-Armed after Jelani and Loke crippled his arm to the point where it had to be cut off.Angelus' entire maternal family. Kinda obvious as to why.9: How does your character feel about religion?He doesn't care for it much in terms of being "really devote", not exactly his thing though he does respect it. However, he does not respect the concept of Christianity, he doesn't trust it. But he has no problem with Christians themselves as long as they don't come at him with "drop paganism it's wrong" or those that use it as an excuse for pushing forward hate.10: Would your character ever kill someone?That's practically his job. Most of the threats they face HAVE to be taken out. When he was younger he and his family were dedicated to wiping out related threats.11: How did your character meet their best friend?He was born lolJelani considers his older brother his best and closest friend.12: How would/does your character feel about roller coasters?He loves going on roller coasters! The scarier and faster and bigger the better!13: What would your character die for?His brother, husband, family and close friends.14: What is the cutest thing your character has ever done?He was too nervous to propose face to face so he grabbed Maya (Angelus' pet ferret), tied a ribbon around her neck with the ring on it and sent her to Angelus. He didn't exactly ask, Angelus kind of asked him if that's what he meant and in the shiest whisper he confirmed that that's what he meant.15: What music genre would your character listen to?Black metal, symphonic metal, death metal. Metal!16: What other fictional characters remind you of your character?I don't wanna compare any OC to other fictional characters. Sounds stupid but I really don't like that.17: Does your character have any irrational fears?Absolute darkness. Not like the night or just a dark hall. I mean absolute darkness where you can't even see your own hands in front of you.18: How would your character feel about having their life recorded?Pissed off. He likes his privacy.19: What is your character's deepest, darkest secret?Okay, tl;dr. When Morris, Loke, Jelani and Trevor got Angelus away from his abusers Angelus made Morris promise not to hurt them. Morris never did, only because he thought it would make Angelus' guilt and mental state worse.Skip to 2 centuries later and by sheer coincidence Angelus bumped into Lexington who was the most abusive towards him. Lexington just took him with him and tortured him. Why? Idk he's an abusive predator who hated his nephew more than anything else and the thought of Angelus still being alive and happy pissed him off.So after they found Angelus Jelani and Loke found out it was Lexington so Jelani went to find him. Spent a week torturing him and then killed him. He dropped what remained of Lexington at Angelus' grandmother's place and warned her that if anyone of them ever came near him again he'd personally kill her entire family in front of her and then turn her over to some Slayers.Angelus doesn't know Jelani did that. The only one who knows anything is Loke.20: What is the most surprising thing about your character?He sleeps with a nightlight on because of night terrors that he never outgrew.21: Is your character flexible?Physically? Personality wise? Not really for the first. Yeah for the second one.22: What is the worst thing your character has ever done?Started a war that ended in the deaths of millions of celestial beings, almost destroyed an empire, led to his and thousands of other's exile.23: Is your character morally gray or black or white?Gray. V E R Y gray.24: What prejudices does your character have?None. He and his brother were raised to treat others as they'd like to be treated, to treat everyone with respect, that prejudices are harmful and why, and to be honest if he had any prejudices he wouldn't have been accepted into the organization much less been made second in command or even eventually end up as first in command.25: Would you want to hang out with your character?YES!26: What is your favorite headcanon for your character?Wouldn't this make it canon? Lmao.Anyway, been playing with the idea that after his arc he begins to try to tap into his abilities which some include magic so he switches between male and female just for fun.27: What would be the worst way for your character to die?Dying knowing that his brother or husband or family or close friends were in danger but he wouldn't be able to do anything about it.28: What pet would your character like to have?He actually has a female ball python named Slinky.29: What would be your character's favorite food?Sushi.30: Would your character have any hobbies?Reading. He reads a lot. Also video games.31: What social media would your character use?Most likely Twitter and Instagram.32: What does your character look like?Cheapo rundown. Well built, very tall, long black straight hair that he's not really fond of since he feels it just sits there and looks dull as hell, blue eyes, really dark skin and has a strange mark on his lower left side that looks like a burn. It's a sigilbut he doesn't know that until his arc.33: In what ways is your character like you?Stubborn and competitive.34: What is cliche about your character?Metalhead that's really into satanic aesthetic and imagery just for the shock factor.35: What is unique about your character?I guess the fact that he is a Maker (god of all gods) of the primordial pantheon.36: Does anyone want to harm your character?So many enemies over the centuries. There's a lot of people that wanna kill 'im but Lucian NEEDS to if he plans on keeping the realm under his command.37: Do people have justified grudges against your character?Check the previous answer.38: What role does your character play in their story?He's one of the main characters.39: What would be your character's niche on Tumblr?He would probably last three minutes on Tumblr. See what a dumb mess it is and then deactivate.40: What would be your character's favorite school subject?History and science.41: Would your character want to have any children?He's thought about it but not really.42: What would be your character's dream career?He's been doing what he's been doing for so long that nothing else would be as satisfying or even worth it.43: What is your character insecure about?Not being good enough. Messing up so badly that it would cost someone their life.44: What is your character proud of?How much he has climbed within the organization. He was the top agent for centuries which landed him a place amongst the three leaders and not just any, once Morris steps down he'll leave the organization in Jelani's hands.45: What would your character change about themselves?He'd prefer to have his mother's hair. Most likely different eye color because he's had it up to here with comments like, "Oh, wow, that is so rare on someone like you."46: Would you want to trade places with your character?God, yes, you have no idea.47: What fandoms would your character be in?He wouldn't be in any fandom. He'd peak in a little bit every once in a while but he'd never go into it.48: How would your character type?On mobile he's pretty fast. Keyboard not fast but not slow either.49: How does your character stand politically?You know the side that's NOT xenophobic, racist and downright horrible unless you're a rich, straight, cisgender, white male? Yeah, that one.50: What is your favorite thing about your character?Despite the fact that he's so powerful and capable of taking care of himself in practically any scenario he still needs his older brother.51: What is your character's favorite animal?Otters.52: How would your character act in gym class?Would participate but wouldn't go all out.53: What clubs would your character join?Book club and anything to do with video games.54: What is the saddest thing about your character's life?I can't think of anything. He's one of my OCs that's had it relatively good.55: Would your character do the Ice Bucket Challenge?Why do something idiotic when you can just donate the money directly?56: What's one of your character's quirks?He's a bit of a neat freak, everything has to be clean and tidy in his apartment.57: How would your character feel about feminism?He IS one. Without it a lot of things wouldn't have happened to make life livable for many people, himself included.58: Is your character dorky or more athletic?More dorky.59: What is your least favorite thing about your character?His ego can be jarring.60: If you could title your character's life, what would you title it?Lol I couldn't think of anything.

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1,3,8,11,16,19,20,26,29,30

1 - If someone really wanted to understand you, what would they read/watch/listen to?I dunno about reading, I don’t read much, but Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson is a fairly recent thing I read that resonated with my personality pretty well on a good few levels. For watching, Vikings and SU, particularly paying attention to Floki and Amethyst respectively. Bubbline episodes of AT also work well for me. Also, DIgimon up to season 3. Very me. For listening, I have a lot of fave bands but I would say the ones that are the most me would be Nothing But Thieves, Barcelona, Between the Trees and... coughlinkinparkcough. A lot of songs by those bands sum up my mindset in general. P:

3 - List your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.Vikings: Floki. SU: Amethyst. FE: Henry... or Yarne. tLoZ: Midna. PaR: Ben. This is hard bc I am really not in a lot of fandoms. Fuck. I’m gonna stop trying to push it with just “stuff I like” but also I am in the Pokemon and early Digimon fandoms but how does that work for this just ostly I ID with Henry, Floki and Amethyst and idek how that works

8 - What musical artists have you felt most connected to over your lifetime?Uh when I was super young and into my early teens, BSB lmfao I fuckin lived and breathed BSB but we were pretty shit poor so I never owned any merch or even CDs. In my weeb days I was like 1000% into Vocaloid if that even fucking counts jfc. I also got into LP around then and, like most Super Edgy Angsty Teens I drew a big connection with their early stuff. To this day I continue to feel a big connection with them, but their more recent stuff. Especially the Thousand Suns, Living Things and Hunting Party albums. But nothing has ever reached me on a deeper level than Nothing But Thieves. That shit gets me.

11 - Describe your ideal day.Wake up around 9 or 10, drink something caffeinated, take a walk (preferably with a loved one, this is a fantasy after all), maybe eating something on the way, get back and just be lazy for a while, share some memes and shitposts, play some video games, work out, cook a dinner, go on an adventure at dusk, get coffee somewhere, maybe hit up a friend’s place to hang out and have a few drinks, crash sometime in the AM hours after having some fun =w= it’s hard to talk about what I want, tbh, if I was 100% honest I would just want to wake up with someone and do my best to make them happy all day...

16 - If you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?Absolutely not. A lot of who someone is comes from their upbringing.

19 - Which HP house would you be in? Muggle?Well like sorry to break it to y’all but we’re all muggles. Anyway, reality aside, I took the official quiz and got Gryffindor but have always seen myself as a Hufflepuff lmfao.

20 - Would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?Lmfao I like how it’s like fantasy world, fantasy world, a school. Anyway of the options, Hogwarts, but honestly I wanna live in Beach City or maybe TP Hyrule. NO WAIT. Wait. The Digital World. Absolutely. I would say Skyrim, I would absolutely say Skyrim, but I would probably die there in like 0.05 seconds.

26 - How would you describe your gender/sexuality?Gender is a big question mark. I am definitely agender, 100%, but then I am not very strict about it? Like, like a lot of things about me I just roll with the punches generally, let people do what they do. Would I like to be called they/them and seen as completely without gender? Yes! Absolutely! Will I push people to treat me the way I want to be treated? No!! I do not deserve respect. Lmao. But I will snap at people who directly refer to me as inherently female (woman/lady/miss/ma’am etc). So I guess Generally Apathetic Agender. As far as sexuality, very very very pan.

29 - Three songs you connect with right now.Ah fuck how do I only pick three. Okay these will be three of the songs I connect with. Not  the only three. I will forever connect to B-13 by Jump Little Children and Scarecrow by Between the Trees (oh shit namedrop of several of my blogs/usernames), and a third would maybe be Please Don’t Go by Barcelona.

30 - Pick a favourite quote.I don’t... really have quotes that I love... I am sorry

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Some Infos:Always liked making money growing up like selling chocolate bars in school and so on. Tried lots of things so far like multiple T-Shirt selling attempts, affiliate websites and that kind of stuff. Never made much money besides a few good weeks of flipping mainly drop shipped on amazon or fulfilled by amazon but I discontinued due to time/scaleability but I will explain that at the end for people who are interested. Funny enough while I focused on youtube my few months old March by Amazon account finally made my first sale. Sold 3 of the same shirt all others got taken down due to no sales.Youtube Background:Started youtube super early when most people didn't know what it was. Had a channel with over a 1000 subscribers back when it was a big deal lmao. Had the opportunity to be one of the first youtube partners in my country but parents looked at me like I am crazy and of course didn't sign for me so yeah would have probably made them some good money considering how much it paid back then. Fast forward lots of projects, copyright issues and youtube updates later I had lots of channels mostly alone some with others but never made money or got successful. I blame some of it on my parents and some on all the things youtube would take years to accept in out country like uploading thumbnails I mean wtf.Anyways I created the channel of this case study around 3 years ago in hopes of launching a big projects thats still in the works and fits the content so yay. Uploaded a ton of videos on there to try stuff out and ended up deleting everything. At one point I had over 100 short videos uploaded and planned with finished descriptions and everything but scraped the whole idea after a few releases. Will explain why down below. So 8 months ago or so I uploaded the first video I wouldn't delete later. Posted it here and there and it got 30k views Then 3 months ago after some trail and error I uploaded the next video which was the same thing only over an hour long with much more information and everything. It took days of work just in researching and days to edit. Should have counted the hours but I just came home everyday and worked on it for a few hours for over two weeks I think. Tried send traffic from the older video and did my best with reddit and so on. The work paid off lots of people thanked me for the effort and worked its way up to 100k views which got me really excited. Still one of my better videos now sitting around 300k. Since then I uploaded over 25 videos.Stats:Subscribers 2k+ Views 3M+ Videos 25+Had 25 inactive subs from experimenting then took for ever to grow to 50 from there around 1 a day for a while until the spike of the 100k video that gave me +100 subscribers in a day. At some point it finally started growing constantly and had some good spikes in the third month.Income:Month 1: 90 Month 2: 290 Month 3: 1400Started while the whole YouTube Add boycott was going on and at some point between the end of month 1 & the middle of month 2 (not exactly sure analytics are very inaccurate n youtube for small channels and for example estimated income was accurate the first time in the third month) my income dropped to 0 for weeks not sure how much money I lost. Overall I heard income is good 30% down since then so I broke $1000+ a month while every freaking youtuber cried for money and started donation accounts.Estimated Month 4: 1200 Had several really good performing videos last month and it will be hard topping that this month unless my next video will proof me wrong but I am sure I will get a new record in month 5 since almost every video makes constant money in addition to the spike in the first week or two of the upload and its really starting to ad up. Also got some good videos planed.Subscribers:Now 3M views and only 2k subscribers seems like a really bad conversion rate but YouTube is confusing in that sense. The more subscribers and views you get the easier it is to get them. Getting to 100 almost feels impossible at first then 1000 seems doable but takes for ever and then it actually starts growing and around 10.000 is the sweet spot where you finally made it. People start commenting about how big you are gonna get and how glad they are that they are here before the hype. Its like once you get more subscriber people actually take you serious even though the content was always just as good like when people wait in line just because the line is so long and that means the food must be good.Video Upload Amount:When starting out focus on nothing but quality videos. Otherwise people find your channel with 100s of videos and no subscribers or views and are overwhelmed with where to start watching. They also see the bad stats and assume your content must suck. I could go a lot more in depth if you are interested but for example look at gamers or vloggers with 100s of episodes and no views and if you klick on lets say episode 257 its just some random dude filming him self eating or silently running trough a dessert in Minecraft and within a minute you klick on a recommended video or leave youtube. But if someone finds your channel and you have 10 videos but all are amazing the viewer it tempted to subscribe since he likes the content but ran out of material to watch. Thats the main reason why I rather upload a few times maybe even just once a week but get share worthy high quality content with 100k views then daily uploads which would help in seo terms but are just not doable for most people if you keep the quality. Also daylight uploads are much more effective if you wait until you have a subscribers base thats waiting and actively asking for it.Thumbnails:Thumbnails are everything they must be easy to understand like one clear picture of something explaining the video. Random example if you make a video about cows you use a clear picture of a cow or a glass of milk. Don't use text for 99% or your thumbnails because its not eye catching, you already have the title for that and its hard to read since on mobile for example the time stamp at the right corner covers usually the last few digits so yeah. I know some successful channels always use text but they are either really god at making them or are already successful enough for other rains then their thumbnails.Video length:I found that 3 minute videos get really well shared but longer content is more impressive, helps with watch time, pays more and people have more time to go to the comment section and stuff. Two of my best videos are over an hour long. Also youtube favors over 10 min videos since adds before after the video.Description box:I still play around with it but I try to make a catching and seo friendly first sentence and I often advertise my others videos. I also try to rephrase the title and add additional informations.Tags:My main tags that bring viewers are really simple ones but longer ones usually and really well on youtube.Annotations:I don't use it since soon gone.Cards:New version of annotations. Mobile friendly. I don't use them on all my videos since I put a lot of effort in them and I don't want to dissect the viewer with popping up cards or asking for likes or anything.End Cards:Use them on all my videos and its nice to send some traffic to other videos but regarding the analytics only a few % of views come from them so its debatable how important they are. I always fit them in with music of the video and stuff so its more engaging and people don't mind it.Making additional money:At first I didn't do anything like affiliate links since I don't want my subscribers to think I just made the channel for money. Lately I placed some links in the description without mentioning it in the video in any form and still got some clicks but no sales. One of those links was to my Merch shirt but also no sales. Will definitely redo my designs and think about fitting products for the affiliate links and add them back in at some point. Maybe I will do a Teespring campaign for special videos or something but like I said its more important to grow the channel then to make some extra cash and risking to make the growth harder.Competitors and Stolen Videos:People already re uploading my videos without giving credit. Left comments on the ones I found and claimed copyright on some. Youtube took them down within a few days.Copyright and Age Restrictions:Had one video flagged for non advertising friendly (yt update since ad boycott) but dispute got accepted within a few hours I think. Had someone threaten to sue me for using a few seconds of material in my longest video. I offered links in the description, in the video and end cards but apparently some people rather fight then get free advertisement all over a several hundred thousand views video. Literally seconds out of an hour. Deleted the clips with the youtube editor without taking it down so kept all the stats. Recent video got copyrighted for the same thing I used in a different video which didn't get copyrighted. Did some research and found out its probably a scam youtube network and I claimed a dispute but no answer yet. Luckily I didn't release it yet but no Idea how they can flag my private video without owning the content but I have to figure that out. Ended up deleting it and uploading it again later without problems.Water Marks:I don't really use one like some people where its always in the corner or something but I place it here and there if that makes sense. Only really big ones protect against stealing it fairly well but I think they suck for the viewers. My videos are supposed to be like movies and do you want to have a giant Warner Brothers Water Mark when watching a movie? Small ones can be ok if they are well made but they get covered by the peoples water marks who steal the videos so they won't help. Depending on the content they can make it seem professional and so on but anyways moving on.All about the Money?I always enjoyed making videos way before I made a cent with it and still do so its confusing because I still somehow feel like I would lie if I say I don't do it for the money. I mean additional 1000 a month is huge for me so its definitely a factor. Its a hobby that makes money so I would be stupid to not do it. I don't know.Goals:Keep income at constant $1000+ Make $2000+ within a month. Start using my website in combination with my videos. Reach 10.000 Subscribers Get enough videos pre made and planed. Get the few low performing videos above 10.000 views. Find more good copyright free music. Keep improving editing. Figure out the best way to deal with re uploads.The Amazon FBA & Drop Shipping Bonus Story:I always sold stuff I no longer used or could randomly get really cheap in person or on ebay. At some point started using amazon. Much later I started using FBA and I was basically exploiting a market which was extremely low completion on amazon. After the first good week I already got a spike in competitors and by now it went from thousands of percent margins close to nothing. One of my best sellers sometimes cost me $3 and I sold it it for $40 and for a while I sold several of those a say so that was exciting. I typed in the main keyword in to amazon, sorted all items by highest price first and listed every single product from over 100 amazon pages. Did all of it without any plugins or tools besides something that could grab the ean number by clicking on the product forgot the name. Main reasons why I stopped was several things. First competitors became a problem because some where undercutting prices insanely like dropping the $40 bestseller to $7 so yeah. (Funny thing it was a collectors niche so selling them that cheap is just stupid because you cant just order lots of them like you could with alibaba stuff.) Second the site I mainly used to buy and drop ship everything was huge but I still created price spikes with my best sellers so I could run out any time. Third my country doesn't have its own Amazon domain like .com so we don't have FBA shipping discounts and other things which would help immensely since international shipping depending on the amazon fertility gets expensive. Fourth it was extremely time consuming I mean if I edit a video for a few hours plus respond to people and stuff it also take a while but the video can make 100s or even thousands of dollars and keeps making profit and getting views every day and the growth of the channel pays of immensely over time. Feels much more useful then researching and listing products all day and connately fight competitors with pricing and all that stuff. Overall it was still extremely worth it since I learned a lot and had a ton of fun making significant money online for the first time while being kinda broke that time. I will definitely come out with my own products at some point and chances are high I will use FBA to distribute them.TLDR: Started focusing on youtube and made $1000+ while add boycott was going on and everyone was crying for donations and acted like the world would end. Reached 3M vies and 2K subscribers. Had experience but learned a lot.