#i am SO sorry if this rant isnt cut by mobile

[prodigal-ezreal]

Nach Little Box of Hopes And Fears: Ezreal rework edition.

Let’s open this Pandora box, okay?

So, The Ezreal rework is probably hitting live somewhere at the end of the year after Worlds and the PBE during them, which gives us two months to sit, twiddle our thumbs and think. And Oh Boi! Have I thought! More under the cut because this Got Long.

This is all VERY subjective. Please take it with a grain of sea salt.

Let’s start from the beginning, as all organized matters should: What has Riot been doing with their reworks and Lore updates lately?

In my opinion, is give everyone and everything a place in the world, connecting characters and things that might have not been connected previously and retconning a few things along the way— With various degrees of success. The Darkin in Shurima are probably one of the biggest offenders here. While it gave them a place in Runaterra other than ‘Maybe aliens from another dimension/Old As Hell Demons’, Aatrox’s rework, Varus’s music video and Rhaast’s release never tied their designs or origins to anything Shuriman, from there the whiplash I got at least.

But that’s beside the point I’m trying to make. What’s Ezreal’s current state in the Lore?

Well, Ezreal has always been kind of in a weird spot post-institute, he’s from Piltover but has never had any strong affiliations or associations with the City State other than the place in which he spent his childhood, and now with the Piltover/Zaun and his own lore update, he has little ties in design as well! Back in the day, belts were all the rage in Piltover, now it’s more of an Art Deco thing —which I love— but Mr ‘I could probably go a week eating only the leather in my outfit’s belts and I still wouldn’t go hungry’ doesn’t fit anymore aesthetically. Shurima is still important to his character, since that’s where he got his gauntlet from, but as we can see from Elixir of Uloa, he’s not limited to exploring the desert, and to be honest? he never was.

Talking about design, it’s not that his design is horrendously bad, even if a bit ridiculous for his job (leather is not a breathable fabric), it just grew old. And it could have grown older! But the disparity between League’s current aesthetic/lore direction and Ezreal’s would have grown way too large for a champion so played. That’s why I reason they chose him, and not fiddlesticks or Udyr, for a VU/VO right now.

And here is where the box gets opened: let’s go first through the fears to have hope be sitting nice and pretty still inside at the end, okay?

I think everyone that follows me knows that, while I eat up any and all canon Ezreal content, I really don’t like the most recent approach Riot has had with his art: That Cutesy, Pixie Boy aesthetic that gets in my nerves and is present both in Star Guardian and the most recent World Championship skins. (Not to mention, they have gotten really lazy painting/modeling his face? I’d argue Ace of Spades has a prettier face than SG/SSG). Were his rework to take that direction for the sake of the good old ‘Ez is a girl’ joke, I’m going to be really sad about it. And Mad. Smad.

Not because I have a probelm with Ezreal not being your traditional hypermasculine fantasy male character, I quite enjoy that he isn’t, and if they were to tilt the scales in that direction to overfix the same joke, I’d still feel weird about it.

I think its easy to understand the fear of my favorite character being changed into the joke that has plagued him for years because of the homophobic fanbase that birthed it. My beef of course isn’t with male aligned people who don’t fit into the expectations of the gender, and it’s not my intention to imply that if you like the joke/ship, that you are contributing to your own oppression by reclaiming something they named as shameful— of course not. My beef is with the fact they claimed it shameful and that Riot is Not Woke Enough to pretend like it was their intention all along and they aren’t playing into the vices and prejuices of its fanbase. Let me explain.

Tar/ez or Eztar!c exists only because of the powerduo they used to be all the way back in Season 2, and persisted as an intracommunity joke because people just loved making fun of characters that didn’t quite fit with the usual Male Archetype(tm), Ezreal with his assumed ‘pretty boy’ looks (assumed because tbh no one was pretty back then) and lithe physique, and Taric with his ‘affeminate’ liking of gems. This joke, rooted in homophobia, turned both of their characters into jokes that Riot despite its best efforts because I mostly liked Taric’s rework, shut up, still l can’t completely overcome to this day, when the usage of ‘lol that’s so gay’ is not as negative as the beggining of the decade. It’s not like I think that it’s going to go away, I just fear it’s gonna get worse.

Not to mention! The wildly original, very alive horse that is the ‘Ez is a girl’ joke, comes from people forcing heterosexual roles into same gender relationships which, ew! That and his “Pretty anime boy” archetype, since those are also popular in yao! media (double ew). AND from the misogony that any male aligned person, or in less serious cases like this one, character, that doesn’t fall into line with the expectative of its gender, it’s marked as lesser. You might see this issues and think ‘I barely see that anymore’, which, fair. It has been in decline in the general Internet Population since the second half of the decade, but all of these problems stem from early 2010’s gamer culture so— Yeah. That’s another can of worms I am NOT opening.

TLDR: I feel like the the recent art direction comes from toxic places and I’m fearful Riot is gonna play into that instead of ignoring it.

It may be something else behind those decisions, but this is what my confirmation bias looks like.

Enough of unfounded fears I have now struck into your hearts because if I’m going to hell worrying about this, I’m gonna bring you all with me. Let’s think about hope.

My highest hopes for the update is that Riot plays into Ezreal’s lack of strong links— Not only do I think that it makes sense for a explorer to never truly belong in one place, it’s just easier and doesn’t force anything too alien to his character. I’d really like if they went for a ‘citizen of the world’ kind of deal. Make his design something based on Piltover but obviously worn and foreign, pepper his language with words from Shurima, Freljord, Ionia! Hell, with how big Noxus is, he’d have to learn to speak the language if he wanted to cross through it. I feel like he’s a wonderful opportunity to represent how diverse, yet interconnected Runnaterra is. I also feel like it plays into his fantasy of being a dashing —pun intended—young man who gets in and out of trouble, from adventure to adventure a la Indana Jones.

But going back to Riot’s Lore direction, we still need to tie him with somewhere, or at the very least, something.

Enter the world rune.

‘But Nach’ I hear you wail as I use either 50’s sellsman tactics or early 2000’s fanfic writer interrumptions to catch your attention, ‘World Runes are Ryze’s thing!’

Which, Fair. They are. I’m not saying Ezreal is gonna ‘prove himself to be able to let go of a World Rune’ since that is Ryze’s exclusive thing (even if the thought of that happening and Ez outright rejecting it cos Adventure sounds very appealing to me) I just want him to be tied to the missing World Rune because it makes sense for League’s token explorer to accidentaly stumble into the World Magic Battery.

Also because of the promo, but who knows. Maybe he wasn’t in the Ryze short precisely for that, maybe because since it had been so many years on the making, Ez wasn’t even in the Update Radar then and they just didn’t include him/made reference to him. It doesn’t matter, we don’t know. Time will tell.

Plus, him being tied to the World Rune would make Zoe’s fixation —as creepy as it is— make a bit more sense. If the Aspect Of Change that damned The Darkin is the same one we have today, It’d make her have more secretive, ulterior motives and connect her happy go lucky and childish personality to that mischeveous, manipulative persona we got to see in the Darkin story. If it turns out they are different, it still makes sense with Zoe’s Color story and IG characterization since she can’t seem to get serious about/remember what precisely she was supposed to omen.

TLDR Hopes: Just tie him to the world rune, it’d be cool. Also make him a fucking tutti fruti of cultures.

To tie it all up, I know there’s not much I can do but wait, since I am not active in the forums or the reddit community— but If I could feel in my heart Zoe was gonna have a crush on Ezreal when we got her ig teaser, then I do dare hope.

[systematic-advice]

Im just ranting so feel free to ignore this, but like... we struggle a lot with doubt, as kind of to be expected? Honestly we don't look at a lot of system content tm online because we tend to compare our experiences a lot, and if we don't relate to some arbitrary post about switching etc we, but especially the host, will immediately doubt if we "truly are a system" and this is just so tiring. Especially when over the years you see so much contradicting information, usually along the lines of "x way of experiencing this is the norm for systems", which isn't even like invalidating those that fall outside of that norm, but for some reason we can't stop this stupid comparing. We would never think someone else isnt a system because their symptoms differ from ours or the "normal" / most common symptoms but ugh... I've seen people state alters who have very strong separate senses of identity are the norm, and then a few years later ill stumble over a post that's like "actually, its normal for alters to not want to see themselves as very separate of the host etc" and no one ever has sources and looking for them leads to reddit 90% of the time and yea i just feel very very weird and frustrated.

Like not to open that can of worms but I once spent an entire afternoon looking for in depth descriptions of the differences between OSDD1a and b only to discover that (to our knowledge), the DSM and ICD never defined these as separate, clear cut diagnoses and they rather were examples given on how OSDD might present differently from DID, but someone interpreted them as clear cut definitions of OSDD types and a few years later here we are??? I have never seen that brought up anywhere and im so tired of looking for sources on things everyone repeats n copy pastes around..... its just so exhausting to deal with that when you just want to understand your own brain better but nearly everything you look up online needs to be fact checked for 5+ hours and/or makes us spiral into doubt.

(We can't like, simply talk over these things with a therapist bc despite having insurance and all, we live in a small European country with maybe handful of professionals actually educated on the topic, who are all in cities a few hours away and we struggle with mobility limiting disability on top of cptsd that makes leaving the house impossible on many days (and being autistic and unable to do video call consultations either. Basically we are stuck without a proper therapist until we save up enough to move to a bigger city closer by to said professionals... so the internet is like all we got, but yea its just. Kinda awful all around)

Hello there Anon!

First, you're right! Believing you might not actually be a System is very normal. I'm still sorry to know you're going through it, but it's a normal part of Systemhood. As are many other things!

I think it's 'very' important to remember that the experiences of others don't invalidate your experiences. Systems are ALL different, because brains are all different. While there are defining features to DID/OSDD, there is little research to set those criteria in stone. We are still learning what life is like for Systems, because a lot of us have only recently found a voice. What you're going through is valid, even if it isn't the same as someone else and their System. Especially in the sense of Alter identity. Some Systems have Alters who would rather be perceived as the body. Some Systems, like ourselves, are staunchly individual. It all depends on the person.

I am sorry to know you're having such a hard time finding credible information. I fully get the frustration as someone who spends a lot of time researching for these asks. It can be nearly impossible to drum up answers because so little information is currently available. There are only a hand full of credible sources to begin with and not everything is publicly accessible. As I have said before, there seems to be a lot of Gatekeeping in the mental Health field. A fact which I truly find unfortunate and when I finish my education I plan to do my best to change that.

In terms of what you said about the definition of OSDD, I do know I read a very credible post about that exact thing a few months ago. It was done by @justanothersyscourse and it can be found here: POST It's filled with sources and does a very good job of explaining the two labels.

I hope you're able to arrive at a point where you don't feel like you need to compare yourself to others. You're an individual and what you go through is unlikely to ever fully line up with what others experience. It's the unfortunate part of the Human Condition, but it doesn't make what you're going through any less impactful or real.

Good luck in sorting it all out Anon.

[ID: A banner depicting the Greek letter psi, the symbol commonly associated with therapists, crossed out with a large red circle. The text reads “The Auncles are NOT Psychologists/ Psychiatrists/ Medical Professionals. Our posts are not diagnostic or medical advice!”]

[kari-izumi]

Jesus Christ, to everyone I ever told at Fandom Rants to not make a big deal about people wanting warning for slash and being way too mad because someone thought Batjokes was unrealistic and for every other garbage hot take I ever said, the error of my ways have truly been honed in tonight by the YouTube's comments of a video I replied to and I am so very, very, very sorry.

I get it

(I mean, I did well before now, but these takes about how no one cared about shows like Queer as Folks and how I'm "supposed to be mature" (read: smile and shut up) and not "be so angry about a kids' show" (which, in spite of the video topic, was not what set me off))

The comment I replied to went like this:

After the guy posted everal similar comments like this:

To which I reply to photo one:

In comes white knight #1:

My reply:

Strongly worded, yes, but no less than I received that time I shat on someone's fic for having "depression that comes outta nowhere"

In comes white knight #2 last week:

Okay, so it was this video, because every is always Voltron (and I may or may not have blasted the Bi Lance theory way earlier in that comment thread, whoops)

Anyway, another strongly worded reply:

And then both idiots show up:

Like, the entire unedited, uncensored thread was up for them to read to see he was a Trump fan, but no, let's take the piss at icky old women in their fandoms.

(Also lol at @ snot-nosed brat being something they need to pull out the smelling salts for)

I asked them both in my reply to fucking LOOK at the Trump joke this guy was making easier before he said that. Because antis have the reading comprehension of a potato, I don't expect much, but I just had to vent.

Ugh

(sorry, cuts never work on mobile for me. I honestly did try)

@antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx @just-antithings @fandom-is-for-pleasure @fandomsense @huntypastellance @grumpy-old-fandommom @theassholeantiarchive2-0 @legendary-discourse @anti-anti-a-la-bi-bi @freedom-of-fanfic @shipping-isnt-morality

[tragicallyimstillhere]

P5R spoilers

[You should probably block out the tag "anti Kasumi" in your filters if you're a kasumi fan]

Please note this is all just my opinion and I may just be being cynical and I am still waiting happily for the English release of P5R, I just need to get this off my chest

[Sorry Idk how to add the cut feature on mobile, you'll just have to scroll pass this really quickly]

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Look not to be mean or anything but Kasumi/Sumire Yoshizawa is the most garbage addition to P5R and the game would be 10000 times better if they just removed her unneccessary ass considering she doesnt even add anything plot wise, has less of a dynamic with the rest of the team than Yuuki Mishima who isnt even in the team and is only usable in one fucking Palace. Seriously, Atlus hyped this chick up as if she's going to change the scopes of P5R when she's not even the cause of the "Dream World" nor the most severe victim of Maruki's, by putting her next to Akira/Ren and Goro, two characters who ARE extremely important to the plot for obvious reasons, which is just insulting considering all she does is devalues the importance of their unique relationship by Atlus pretending shes actually important.

Everything about Kasumi/Sumire is a bland mixture of all the main girls, like her "real" appearance is just a shinier version of Futaba with Makoto's eyes, her backstory is Makoto's sister issues with Futaba's "losing a loved one to a car accident right infront of her", her "eating a lot of food so cutely" is lifted from Futaba and Ann, she has the same persoanlity as Haru, stands outs in looks like Ann and is an honor student like Makoto, shes 15 and is extremely talented in a specific field like Futaba, her "looking down" cut in in the metaverse is an obvious copy of Makoto's, even their masks are alike, like ffs her Phantom Thief outfit is literally just a female Joker and yeah I know they gave an explanation for that but its so damn half assed considering it implies that Kasumi/Sumire is unable to have her own individual idea of rebellion. She's everything and nothing at the same fucking time. Like theres nothing wrong with having similar backgrounds but sheesh Atlus didnt even try. This is the kind of character you put in a later game like P6 where the similarities to all the P5 main girls won't be so obvious. The most unique thing about her is the gymnast schtick.

Instead of focusing on fixing the shit in the base game, they decided to add a new character who's only purpose is to market P5R to dudebros. She's more useless than Haru of all characters. Kasumi/Sumire just embodies all the problems with P5R, instead of focusing on actually improving the base, they just added new stuff in order to cover up the cracks but all it does is add newer ones. The fact Atlus pushes aside the other main characters in the game so she can be as special as Goro and Akira/Ren even though she's not even a rival or an active foil to either of them is insulting to both those two and the rest of the cast.

Atlus hyped her character up so much with all the art and collaborations with her in them, the heavy emphasis they put on "The Royal Trio" (which by the way, they can barely even be considered as one considering theres nothing that makes Akira/Ren's connection with her any different to the other Phantom Thieves compared to how his connections with Goro are) and how it seemed like Kasumi/Sumire is going to one of the best characters they've ever made.

I had such high expectations and was so excited for her involvement in the story. And god damn. I was so fucking dissapointed with her. Kasumi/Sumire is easily the worst part of p5r and god damn was she NOT worth all the hype in the end. Literally just adding Maruki and the Goro stuff would have been enough, maybe Jose because he's not exactly shoved in the main story and is useful in mementos.

I think P5R is a good game, and I'm still looking forward to the English release on May. But wow, talk about having one huge red stain in the front cover.

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P5R Rant over

[uhpeach]

oof personal rant about boy and relationship shit below the cut it’s way too long sorry

finally had a talk with boy last night... it started bc they are having a stoplight theme party tn where you wear green if ur single, yellow if it’s complicated, and red if ur taken and he was like “so what color are u thinking of wearing”... and i was like “green i guess bc im single”. but i said it as a joke.... and he was like... “oh well i was thinking yellow”. and i was like “ya me too i guess”... and he was like “ya idk i think most people will either be red or green so we’ll be some of the few yellow ppl which is kinda fun”. and i was like “ok. ya whatever cool”. and he was like “but i’ll wear whatever u want like if u want me to wear red i will”. and i was like “no. no pressure. yellow makes sense.” but then i was making sad girl face i guess and he was like “nooo stop with that face. you’re thinking about something what’s wrong” and then we like went innnnnn with like a convo about “us” or whatever the fuck.

anyways like the things he’s worried about when considering making us official is that he:

1. says he is an extremely jealous and controlling boyfriend? and he does not like who he is as a boyfriend so if he isnt technically a “boyfriend” he has no reason to get that way/can stop himself from being like that. which i like.... dont see at all. and like maybe he had a reason to be like that with his ex but honestly i dont do much or like get hit on so i see it as a non-issue honestly? like im too into him to like even need to be “controlled” like i genuinely want to do whatever he wants bc i just want to see him happy ? but then he said that when he sees me happy it makes him happy and when i keep crying like i have been it makes him really sad and scared that our relationship would be built on a bad foundation. and i see it as the opposite like in spite of what he has done and how he’s hurt me we’ve gotten past it and grown to know each other better and like each other a lot and im still here spending time with him so like idk we think about these things very differently i guess. 

2. he was thinking like soooo far in the future for some reason like... when i met him he was pursuing a finance degree in the business school but he like decided music was something he was really passionate about last year and since then he’s been like learning how to use like music production software and how to play piano since then. so he was saying like he doesn’t want me to see him as like a jobless bum loser when i could be with a guy has a secure upwardly mobile job making 60-70k right out of college while he’s like.... working as a DJ and practicing like music production stuff. and i was like..... what r u talking about like i don’t need you to support me? and if ur worried about how i’ll see you like i just want to see you happy i would rather see that than someone complaining about how much they hate their job and life every day bc like.... idk when you l*ve someone all you really want is to see them happy. and then i told him how i have bragged about him to people who like wish they could change majors about how he’s actually doing something he’s interested in rather than sticking with business school which he hatesss. 

(he started crying sometime during point two into point three)

3. he was worried about not being able to give me the level of attention ur supposed to give someone ur dating. like he was saying how he practices his music stuff in his free time but like when ur dating someone ur supposed to spend like all ur free time with them but i’ll have to like share that time with his music and he like doesn’t want me to feel like he has no time for me? but i was like dude i dont need you actively paying attention when we’re together like the other night i was doing my homework in his room while he practicing and i was just so stoked to be in the room with him even though we were doing our own things. and also like the people in relationships who spend allll their time with their significant others are people i get SO ANNOYED BY i was like dude... i dont want to be like any of those couples like of course i want to spend as much time as possible with you but i have other “relationships” i need to maintain that im not just gonna drop like some of my other couple friends have. like my friendships are super important to me, probably bc i have never been in a relationship so i like really do love and put a lot of focus on my friends, so if he needs time for his music and did need some private time to focus i would just spend that time maintaining my friendships because i love and want to spend time with them too? like it’s not that deep and i’ve been alone for so long im used to it.....

i think there was more but anyway he was thinking SO FAR AHEAD and asking me like what i want to do and where i want to go after graduation and im like ????? i .. dont know ??? omg ???? what does this have to do with like dating right now like are u never gonna date anyone again until ur ready to date them until marriage im ? confused? i.. legitimately was NOT thinking this far ahead ? but then he kept bringing up how like feelings fade and he like want to make sure his college friends are lifelong friends and how a breakup would make it so that’s a more difficult thing for us to be and im like i get it ? i have brought up that point to so many people like it used to be that i cared more about having him in my life forever like at least as a friend just bc i like him so much but now it’s harder to be like that bc i like him SO SO much like... idk imagining never having been official a few years down the road and just being that girl he had a “thing” with in college. bc that’s not what i want to be to him. like if we do stop liking each other i dont want to have to meet his future girlfriend or fucking wife and be like hi im olivia.. his friend from college. like just calling what we have “friendship” hurts so bad and if i had to look at someone he like loves in the future and call myself just a friend from college that would fucking kill me. like at least if we were exes i would be like hey im his friend-ex-then friend again from college. ya haha things didnt work out but i’ll always care about this guy ur lucky to have him. ya know. there’s a difference.

and all the things i was concerned about were suchhhh immediate issues like... im only not satisfied by the relationship status of like being a “thing” bc i want to actually be taken on dates..  and have someone who would be happy to like bring me coffee if im having a rough day (and like so it wouldnt be weird if i did little things like that too) and so we could like go on a trip together or like as it stands it would be weird for me to like bring him home for a few days and be like “hello family this is my good friend :) we are going to share a bed bc we are... friends :)” like you cant tell ur family about ur “thing” bc like o ur really good friends that care a lot about each other and have sex but ur not dating... like that gives parents too much to think about it’s gross.... and it would be weird for him to bring me to like his hometown to meet his friends and what not bc we are just like ... a thing? and i WANT to do that stuff like it would mean so much to me. but like you only do that with ppl ur dating and i want to be with someone who can like share their life with me and i can share mine with them if that makes sense. also u know what i think it’s fair of me to want to be able to call someone my boyfriend like. that is a word i have never gotten to use and when i like hear it in movies and tv shows and even when friends say it i feel like im being fucking stabbed. like i have never gotten to be a girlfriend and i feel like people see me as less of a person because of that, especially being in my 20s now. idk just like societal pressures are getting to me i hate being a sociology major im like super analyzing like the roles i am “supposed” to take to live up to what it is to be a woman in our society. like i have been a daughter, a friend, a coworker, a sister but i have never been a girlfriend and that is something i feel like an innate internalized NEED to experience idk like it’s just beat into you by media and peers and parents from when ur like a kid until you actually do fulfill the prescribed gender based roles... like if i am not a wife or a mother in my life i might fucking kill myself like ik roles and labels are meaningless but i NEED THEM to like give me identity and security. anyways. uh that was a lot. if u read all this and i don’t sound insane lmk!