#i am bitter and disappointed and jealous lmao

[ajarofpickledtears]

anyway in case anyone was wondering, yes, i am still thinking about dad asking if i gained weight again so that's fun

[idlecreature]

the buried fic comment from hell (it's so long i'm SO SORRY, I GOT EXCITED)

DEL.. I WASN’T SURE IF IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO LEAVE A LONG ASS COMMENT ON UR BURIED FIC IN PUBLIC….. SO I’M DROPPING IT HERE i’m so sorry in advance this is about to be a mess,, i’m so fucking emotional right now

((the review under the cut is in response to my fic which can b read here))

okay first –

The mental image of tiny gangly Barnabas and Jonah crouched with their hands in the dirt….. is so fucking cute?? I could feel Jonah’s jealousy just burning off of him. You had me right away. Fuck. You know how to open a story and I’m deeply envious, I’ve always struggled with it. Also, you threw in that little hook:

Despite what Jonah believes, there are some things that just can’t be explained in words.

Barnabas’ voice is so fucking good… guh… you know. I didn’t much care about Barnabas in any deep way before I joined the Jonah server and you guys have all just completely GUTTED me, I can’t believe how much I care about this highly-strung bastard,, he is so GOOD. HE’S SO GOOD???? HE’S SUCH A SWEETIE. LIKE. BARNABAS FEELING GUILTY AND HORRIFIED THAT PEOPLE ARE GRATEFUL TO HIM AND WANT HIM AROUND???? AAAAAAAAAA. And the melancholy aspect, too, which I imagine is how Mordechai was able to relate to him, get attached to him… Barnabas being bitter about how useless his tears are while he’s crying anxiously at the prospect that he might not be able to help those families after all…….

All of those scraps of Barnabas’ letter to Jonah made such EXCELLENT transitions, holy hell. Again I am inspired by your storytelling prowess. I am taking notes, for whenever my ability to write longform fic returns from war. This one was my favorite, made my heart clench:

A good world starts with a good person and a few choices that are made with the heart—

He’s so earnest I’m going to weep ;_; Barny.. you can’t make Jonah a better person he’s AWFUL,,

(Side note, super digging that I can indent stuff, block quoting makes this SO much easier.)

Also really digging that Jonah doesn’t have as nice a reputation as Barnabas… Jonah is the bad influence friend lmfao. AND JONAH’S CAT… I LOVE HIM…

And then you delivered a swift blow straight to the religion kink, as promised… “There’s something undeniably old testament about Jonah; the fire and fury of creation, the self-annihilating stare of Lot’s wife.“ LOSING IT I’M LOSING IT… WHAT A WAY OF DESCRIBING HIM God, here I thought I couldn’t possibly be more attracted to this bastard man. I am aghast at myself.

LOSING IT EVEN MORE OVER BARNABAS STACKING TEACUPS ON JONAH’S HEAD???? Why must you make them so fucking cute oh NO this is going to hurt isn’t it. ((This was the note I stuck in the Word doc while I was reading it and I thought I’d leave it as was for your enjoyment))

“Taking cues from your dreams?” Barnabas replies. “You know only the desperately mad do that?” 

“Or desperately inspired—savants and prophets and visionaries.”

And then you continued to try to kill me… Jonah thinking of himself as a prophet……. hhhhh canon-typical overambitious zealotry I’m HERE FOR IT………

“Are you trying to make me angry with you by playing the devil’s advocate?” 

“Just testing you,” Jonah says in his alloyed voice, silver-and-honey-gold. 

Del I cannot stress enough… My religion kink………. It’s been SO VERY ACTIVATED.

“Your morality has only ever been a thin cover for your shame.”

OUCH, JONAH, JESUS

Every bit of their dialogue was so familiar and tinged with bittersweetness and I owe you my entire life… Sincerely. Ugh. Like, how you described Barnabas’ internal angst about it later on – when he’s thinking of Mordechai, and he refers to "his many dog-eared fantasies” about Jonah it just really vividly conjured the thought of he and Jonah having a sort of? Queer solidarity, ESPECIALLY having grown up together. And that makes Jonah’s flash of betrayal at Barnabas not wanting to be SEEN with him that much more agonizing, personally. Like. I’ve had that happen to me more than once in real life. And much as Jonah is a piece of shit who is absolutely manipulating him………. still, ouch. Ouch. (Barnabas’ thoughts on the company Jonah keeps also made me wince. You did an AMAZING job with all of the internalized shame and frantic rationalizations, hooooooboy.)

The Lukases being colorblind is such an interesting piece of lore by the way I love it????? Now I have. Some questions, about Peter. Mordechai’s characterization in this is so fascinating to me. I’m enTRANCED by how you reverse-Uno’d it so that Barnabas was the reason Mordechai lost himself to the Lonely… the power dynamics……. so tasty. Ugh. And all of the sensual descriptions, especially of that first visit Barnabas had at Moorland house?? I didn’t clip any because I would have ended up clipping the whole fucking thing. It was aching, haunting, beautiful, holyshit. Their romance is somehow more fucked up than Barnabas and Jonah’s…

Also, I was so eager to read this I skipped the tags/warnings and completely didn’t realize Mordechai was going to be an actual vampire so that was a VERY fun surprise lmfao.

Barnabas feels like he’s close to learning something about violence and desire, how close they are, how the wires can get crossed.

THIS QUOTE IS EVERYTHING TO MEEEEEE ugh I’m having an aneurysm over how Jonah managed to fashion Barnabas into a creature that could understand him by gifting him to Mordechai for a while… letting Mordechai crack him open at the points where he was already brittle and experience an influx of some of the true darkness of the world. Just a tasty taste. That way when he discovers the truth of Jonah’s occult interests he won’t run away, because he’s already got his own fingers in the mess. He’s already given himself to one horror, why not Jonah? Shave some of the shine off of his morality, make him nice and gray so he won’t contrast so much with Jonah… And satisfying his curiosity at the same time. Two birds.

Oh, also, still sobbing about this line:

he realises that he doesn’t want to wear any colours that Mordechai can’t properly see.

EVERY TIME I let my guard down for ten seconds you smacked me with more of Barnabas being the most precious bleeding heart in the universe!!!!!! He aches so much for the people he’s trying to help and he hates people like Mordechai but part of him also wants to save Mordechai, somehow… maybe recognizes the parts of him that are like these people, still. Nearly faded but not quite gone yet. And as you’ve already established, Barnabas simply cannot let things go. Can’t disappoint people… can’t leave them when he could be doing something. Anything. Augh, FEELINGS.

Of course he knew Mordechai and Jonah were friends, he’d just temporarily believed in a sane and fair universe where things like this don’t happen. 

AND YOU HAD SUCH A PERFECT BALANCE OF HUMOR… This could have been such a feelbad fic, and tbh it still would have been spectacular. But you always eased it at just the right moment to keep it from going off the rails into irretrievable deepdark territory. Fed me little soft moments so I’d still be vulnerable enough to have my HEART RIPPED OUT LATER…

I’m not super interested in the Buried canon-wise but I love how you’ve written Barnabas’ natural affiliation with it… so subtle but powerful? (Of COURSE Jonah was jealous, lmao. He had to work so hard and he’s still not on Barnabas’ level. There’s some kinda beautiful commentary on ambition versus goodwill in there somewhere but I’m too busy nursing my battered little heart right now to articulate it.) It wove its way in and out of the rest of the plot so naturally, too. For some reason it compliments Barnabas’ temperament as I read it in canon just… so well. Was there a discussion about this on the server, and if so, PLEASE tell me about it sometime I’m so fascinated.

Jonah wasn’t even present for a lot of the fic but his characterization was so INTENSE and luminous, Christ… I know I already praised it a bit but. Woof. I wasn’t expecting to get a taste of his POV at the end and I was so excited I kicked my feet (my cat was very disgruntled) like, this line!!!

Now, he thinks there’s some truth in those false statements, in the lies we tell and why we want to be believed.

GOD, YOU’RE REALLY GONNA GIVE ME FEELINGS ABOUT JONAH AND FUTURE-JONAHLIAS IN THE SAME FIC?????? EVIL… I’m so so so fucking here for it, oh my God, Jonah with an amplifying anxiety disorder, THE PRICE OF IMMORTALITY… too bad the Eye doesn’t let you see the future, Jonah, lmao… the line “immortality just made his anxiety turn nuclear” is SEARED into my brain now, I am NOT accepting canon to contradict this ever again. I’ve always wondered how Jonah’s neuroses might have worsened in two entire fucking CENTURIES and I love the way you wrote it. I am fucking. Losing my mind.

There’s so many other things I could comment on, like. The brief but glorious Jonah-grinding-himself-off-on-Barnabas’-thigh shenanigans. Was incredibly hot, and Mordechai’s poor fragile heart breaking, and Barnabas telling Isabel that it’s fine to call him Barny…….. I’m hhhhhhhhHHHH fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m just!! I am incomprehensible!!! Everyone told me this fic was amazing but it’s fucking amazing, Del, what the hell. I’m never gonna be the same after this. The end was SHOCKINGLY sweet and I have WHIPLASH.

………… So, now that I’ve made you read a novel. Hah. Sorry. My point is. I loved every bit of this. It deserved heaps more praise but my eyes are starting to cross. Thx for sharing :’) 

Love,

Tony xx

TONY. TONY THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME. FIRSTLY I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THIS. SECOND OF ALL, THANKS TO YOU I’LL BE SCREAMING FROM THE ROOFTOPS FOREVER HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW THIS REVIEW HAS AFFECTED ME? IT’S THE BEST FEEDBACK I’VE EVER RECIEVED IN MY LIFE I FEEL LIKE A FIRSTGRADER GETTING THEIR FIRST GOLD STAR I FEEL ON TOP OF THE WORLD LIKE I COULD THROW THE JEWEL OF THE SEA OFF THE SHIP AND LEAN OVER THE RAILINGS BECAUSE YOUR ARMS ARE AROUND ME TONY IT’S BEEN MONTHS AND THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN A FIREPLACE KEEPING ME WARM THROUGH THE WINTER MONTHS I LOVE YOU DEARLY FOR THIS YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE CHAMPION IF YOU WERE IN FRONT OF ME RIGHT NOW I WOULD FRENCH KISS YOU WITHOUT HESISTATION UNTIL THE BOTH OF US HAVE RUN OUT OF AIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING BLESS YOU TONY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

[icharchivist]

Okay so done with Ardyn and Ignis’s dlcs, meaning i am done with the game for good! what a ride! what a blast! i had so much fun with everything, i don’t have anything i’m disappointed about so DLKJFDF a good ride for me.

Starting with Ignis, i really liked his DLC. 

The first part, which mostly just talks about how he got his eyes injury, was very fun to play through. Compared to how much i struggled with Gladio and Prompto that was a blast to play through ahah. I liked the gameplay and i liked being back in Altissia.

It was nice also to see Ravus’s actual turn around in game, since his whole part in the main game was... all over the place. So it was nice to see his actual motivations being laid out, and his teaming up with Ignis was pretty neat, they worked out well with one another, both as Guardians, and working as parallel to one another, with Ignis wanting (originally) for Noctis to see his goal through while Ravus wanted his sister to be freed, and in the end after Luna’s death, Ignis joining Ravus in not wanting to lose Noctis just to “his duty and fate”

The way Ignis got blind had me yelling. Putting on the ring of Lucii to try to protect Noctis, a ring that famously burn off anyone who tries to use it and isn’t of royal blood. Lowkey wondering if it works in a “truth from FMA” way where the people who ended up burnt by the ring all lost part of themselves that were important to them. Nyx wanted to live as a hero and he had to die as one. Ravus was the arm of revenge for his family and he lost his arm to it. Ignis was the analyser, the one who looked after Noctis and looked for his future, and his eyes were burnt. Like a way to prevent them all from even fighting destiny again. 

Anyway the whole canon complient part was so fucking sad and the goodbyes with Ignis and Noctis had me cry so hard i couldn’t look at the screen anymore. It was so sad and intense to me my heart is still broken.

So jumping on the fixit future just afterward, well, to me was kind of healing lmao. The whole thing, how Ignis even manage to win protecting Noctis, doesn’t really make any sense but it doesn’t have to, it’s just a happy ending that was sorely needed after all this mess, for me at least. 

It also made me cry to see Noctis’s resolve being that he would not let himself be separated from his friends. Makes me wonder if it has to do with the fact the alternative timeline pretty much therefore prevents the train incident from happening, meaning Noctis didn’t hurt Prompto, and didn’t have to play Ardyn’s mindgames about Prompto back then. Regis and Luna’s death were symbols of stuff Noctis couldn’t have protected. But hurting Prompto was Noctis ealizing that he would be harming his friends if he tried to end Ardyn. With the way Ignis’s ep goes, Ignis is another “stuff Noctis couldn’t have protected” so instead of fearing hurting his friends he’s more dedicated than ever to not let them go this time. Kinda liking this.

The alternative ending wasn’t as detailled as i expected (i swEAR i thought i’ve seen something about Luna surviving which?? i didn’t see at all so??) so i’m kinda happy with it? The gist of it is just “even if Noctis spent ten years into the Crystals his friends stayed together (which they didn’t in the ten years in canon) and once they were reunited they never let go of one another again”. I’m fine with that!! v good with that!! and i’m just happy Ignis can feel like he protected Noctis to the end, like he was meant to do. He’s so happy at the end i am tearing up just thinking about it.

so i really liked episode Ignis personally.  The alternative ending is just that, an alternative ending if we want to indulge in it and i’m happy with it, meanwhile the rest of the episode was pretty good to me. 

my only problem with the DLCs (and that is all of them) is also kinda just, the reason they had to exist, is that well. Honestly i’m not against dlcs and all but those were really scenes that would have benefited from being clearer in game. Not knowing how Ignis’s injuried himself really didn’t sit right with me, not knowing where Gladio was gone to was bothering me. Prompto’s ep itself wasn’t something i expected, wasn’t a gap i thought needed to be filled, but they filled it with more clarification about the magiteks in a way that i think is sooo much more impactful than just the game. 

I guess what i mean is that, they are filling holes that were in the games that bothered me, and on one hand i’m thrilled to have complete stories that specifically addresses them, on the other, i just kinda wish i didn’t have to wait until the end of the game to have those answers. 

Ardyn’s dlc has a huge lore dump at first which, imo, should have been clearer in the game too, but as it is i like how it’s done in the Ardyn’s dlc. In the end it just really gives the feelings the dlcs are course correcting DLKFJDLKJFD

ANYWAY Ardyn’s DLC. It was a blast to play through, the whole game itself was pretty fun. I really wanted to explore Insomnia (i also really want to explore the royal palace  but well that won’t be...), so even if it was by fucking around and finding out, it was hella fun.

Plotwise i am glad it makes Ardyn’s motivations very clear and in the end well, Ardyn is a really tragic figure and i’m really sad for him even if i remain angry at everything he has done. It’s just, what other choices did he have when he was doomed from the start?

It was sad to see how nice of a guy he was, how he just wanted to heal and help people, only for the gods and his brother to betray him. Somnus is such an ass bc of that lol. Originally i wondered if the recalling at the begining was Ardyn being an unreliable narrator but the final fight with Somnus confirm that Somnus did betray Ardyn because he was jealous of him, and even if he grew as a leader to see the horror of the daemons, he still fucked his brother’s life up for all of this man.

As for the Gods... wow major, major fuck you. The starscrouges is a Gods’s thing and they had a family line try to “fix it” and they made Ardyn the hero to fix it..... and then the moment he did, they made him the bad guy, refused him salvation, just so in the future the Lucii line will be able to end properly once the Chosen King will clean Ardyn. The Gods really set both Ardyn and the Lucii to fail to start with. The Gods wanted more for the “Chosen King” to have a painful sacrifice than they wanted to clean Ardyn’s up and Ardyn was just a tool in all of that, not allowed to fight his fate. No wonder he ended up embracing it and did the worst he could with what he was given.

That does bring home how much technically Ardyn won,  he got all he wanted. He destroyed the world that forsaken him, he spited the Gods ‘till the end, he ended the Lucis family line, and he finally was allowed to die. The Gods also got what they wanted since they WANTED Ardyn to spread darkness onto the world to set up their champion. That fucking blows.  The Gods are the real bad guys there. Noctis deserved better so i welcome Ignis’s dlc even more.

so yeah i’m leaving Ardyn’s dlc extremely bitter against the Gods and how they didn’t leave neither Ardyn nor Noctis a choice in all of this. They had their plan from the start and just expected them to play their parts. 

fucking tragic.

but with all of that i’m done with FF15 and i loved it. I had a blast. It was fun to play through, the gameplay was so fun and fantastic, i love the four guys with so much love that just thinking about them makes me want to cry. I like the original ending, in a “i love to suffer” way, and i love the alternative ending in a “now some healing” way. I liked what all the dlcs brought to the story, and i’m glad i played through all of this. 

I think it’ll take me some time to think about replaying the game and if i do i’ll probably try to ignore chap 8 and onward lmao. But i’m really glad i gave it a chance in the end. 

eff u Peten for making it happen though it’s all your fault. 

so yeah, i had tons of fun that’s for sure!

[manifesttamaki-blog]

bold: certain italic: relative

add your own where preferable

(eyes) blue | green | brown | hazel | black | grey | red | purple | other (hair) blonde | brown | black | red | ginger | grey/white | purple |multi-color | other (body type) skinny | slender | slim | built | curvy | athletic | muscular | large (skin) pale | light | fair | freckled | tan | olive | medium | dark | discolored | scarred

(gender) male | female | trans | cis | no gender | agender | demiboy | demigirl | other (sexuality) heterosexual | homosexual | bisexual | pansexual | asexual | demisexual | other (orientation) heteroromantic | homoromantic | biromantic | panromantic | aromantic | demiromantic | other (i am/was) human | alien | anthropomorphic | animal | undead | vampire | shapeshifter | demon | angel | witch/wizard/sorcerer | incubus/succubus | ghost | spirit | machine/cyborg | i don’t know

(education) high school | college | university | higher education | magic school | self study | language school | home school | dojo | spiritual guidance | dance school (living situation:) lives alone | lives with parents/guardian | lives with significant other | lives with a friend  | lives with siblings | drifter | dorming | homeless (parents/guardian) mom | dad | adoptive | foster | grandparents | family friend | orphan | sibling (relationship) single | crushing | dating | engaged | married | separated | it’s complicated | (verse dependent)

(i’ve been) in love | hurt | sick | abused | lost | redeemed | victorious | in deep sorrow | longing (i have a) learning disorder | personality disorder | mental disorder | anxiety disorder | eating disorder | substance-related disorder (things i’ve done before) drank alcohol | smoked | done drugs | stolen | self-harmed | starved myself | had sex | kissed | had a threesome | gotten into a fist fight | gone to the hospital | gone to jail | used a fake id | gone to a rave | killed someone | lied | broken a heart | disappointed | ruined a friendship | betrayed | sacrificed

(positive traits) affectionate | adventurous | athletic | brave | careful | charming | confident | creative | determined | fearless | generous | honest | humorous | intelligent | loyal | modest | patient | selfless | optimistic | serene | altruistic | practical  (negative traits) aggressive | bossy | cynical | envious | fearful | greedy | gullible | jealous | impatient | impulsive | insecure | irresponsible | passive | possessive | sarcastic | self-conscious | selfish | unstable | closed off | calculating | harboring | reckless | cowardly | lazy | negative | sadistic | bitter

tagged:  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

tagging: everyone that hasnt because why not lmao

[sword-and-lance]

((gonna proceed to moar complaining about the femhroth thing, under a cut in case some of y’all are sick of it lol, but--

kiiiiiinda getting uncomfortable with how a subset of the fandom is talking about the whole thing, like

whether y’all mean it or not, this really is all starting to sound like “lol you’re just jealous” and like

yeah I am? And I don’t think that’s a bad thing? Even for a game that’s somewhat better about Gender Stuff (TM) than most, to the point it’s one of the few games I can fucking stand on that front, there’s still kinda a sad lack of options for women that isn’t Cutesy Waifu Aesthetic (TM) stuff--and yeah I think I’m allowed to be a little disappointed that people like me, who aren’t at all that level of gender-conforming and have been excited at the potential that there is for female Hrothgar to give us even more to work with in creativity with making more gnc-ish ladies, got nothing but a really vague-ass promise that they’ll get to it ~*~*~eventually

in favor of...getting preeeetty much more of the same, for dudes, and it keeps just getting waved off because “well it’s what’s popular”

like yeah I know gnc women aren’t popular thanks for fucking reminding me

not that there’s ever a guarantee that femhroth won’t just be more of the same that I was just bitching about, of course--always a good possibility it’s just the same soup different bowl--but man at least there was potential there for something relevant to my interests

and people writing people like me off as just a bitter dudebro who hates RP (lmao) just because I’m grumbling over this is...Something and I wish that Something would fucking stop))

[jeonfinite]

end of the year fic meme

total number of completed stories: 5 total word count: 51225

Overall Thoughts Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? I wrote way more than I predicted bc I never thought I’d produce fic at all, but I actually published a oneshot or chapter at least once a month since june. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? I would’ve never guessed I would become 100% certified jinkook trash this yr and would’ve laughed in your face if you told me otherwise lmao. I didn’t even know who jungkook was until feb!! in fact despite always having a soft spot for bts and following all of their music releases I was like actually ‘I don’t think I’ll ever truly stan them’ lmfao. my life is a joke. What’s your own favorite story of the year? forever yours. it’s basically everything I ever want to happen in a fic. seokjin as an academy award winning actor? jinkook writing a song together? jinkook going on cute dates and continually supporting the other as they fall deeper in love? ugh my heart. the idea is so dear to me and it’s my baby. and even tho bangtan disbanded in the fic, they all found their own success and they’re rly close friends. I fucking love the ending too omg. I did my best to make it rly gratifying and make up for all the stuff jungkook went through earlier. plus I love fics based on idol/band verse, canon/divergence/future fic and I liked weaving in canon elements to it. it makes it feel more real imo.

Did you take any writing risks this year? uh, not rly? other than writing and publishing my first fic ever. and I guess actually shading big hit/bang pd lmao. as far as I know of, no one has done that before? and multiple ppl have called me brave for doing so lol. Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?

to try to write longer fics I guess. there’s this 10k fic I’ve been planning forever but still haven’t gotten around to even tho I kept meaning to write it next lol.

From my past year of writing what was… My best story of this year: definitely forever yours. honestly sometimes I feel like it’s my peak lmfao. like I will never able to match some of those descriptions ever again. whenever I’m struggling to write something and I go back to it I’m like HOW DID I WRITE THIS?? and when ppl tell me I’ve made them cry and laugh omg. I almost don’t believe it. I don’t think any of my fics have elicited such a reaction and I think it’s the one that affected me most. I hurt my own non existent heart. My most popular story of this year: forever yours lmao. not only does it have the most hits/kudos/comment/bookmarks, but it’s the fic I most often see ppl reccing, screaming about, and quoting on twitter. I love it tho. pls continue screaming about it and @ me!! The story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: lights go on again. it’s gotten the least attention of all my fics so far. idk if it’s bc ppl are sick of me already or if I rly offended that many ppl by insulting their precious bang pd oppa lmao. also yo where all the jin stans at? I thought at least they’d appreciate its contents lmao.

but also rollin’ the deep bc I actually like that one a lot now and it’s the second least popular lol. but it’s on par with light me up and I expected that based on the content. ofc the fics with jin winning an oscar and shitting on the mother/son trope would gain the most traction so I’m not surprised. The most fun story to write:

us against the world! the idea of everyone hitting on jin and jungkook getting jealous was too good to pass up. I had so much fun writing taehyung’s scene omfg. I actually started it with it lmfao and it seems like most ppl agree. hoseok’s always makes me laugh and ngl I feel like a genius whenever I reread that fic lol. :’) definitely my peak humor and probably the funniest/crackiest thing I’ll ever write.

Story with single sweetest moment?

it’s a tie with forever yours’ birthday scene and light me up’s christmas decorations. but overall rollin’ the deep made me melt the most with how overwhelming sweet it was. I live for soft sweet jinkook doing grossly romantic things for each other ok. The story with the single sexiest moment:

jungkook wearing lingerie in light me up, definitely :x tho the smut scene in forever yours is infinitely better imo. I will unfortunately never able to write a smut scene that good again but I think it’s the intimacy of the moment and the way it’s written that makes it so special, hence why I like it so much. The most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story:

idk? me attempting smut even tho I’m terrible at it? quoting myself I actually said “writing sex is honestly so hard already I would never waste my time writing it just for the sake of it if it didn’t have any meaning” yet the smut in light me up was the first scene I started writing. I am a goddamn hypocrite lol. but it’s sth I thought I’d never be able to write bc a few years ago I would get so embarrassed by the idea and would want to throw myself off a cliff at the thought lol. The story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

none of them rly. I just write jinkook like I how see them. their interactions just come so naturally to me that it’s one of the easiest and most fun things to write in my fics. The hardest story to write: honestly… light me up. all my fics get rly hard to write one point and I always start off hating the first drafts bc they’re complete garbage but I fucking suffered the most writing that one. literally took fucking forever to wrangle the sex scene into what it was. it was hot ass fragmented mess that I had to slowly unravel and reorganize one sentence at a time. I didn’t even want to look at it bc it was so bad lol. and two of the most pivotal points; the lights  and lingerie were awful at first so I struggled to make them good enough to rly stand out and to a standard I was pleased with. and transitioning the first scene into the second one where jinkook kiss under the snowfall and the ending were fucking hell too. you can ask kaleidotears, I was bitching to her the entire time lmao. albeit vaguely bc I didn’t want to spoil anything. I started a month in advance bc it usually takes me that long to produce something and as the date approached closer I was lowkey panicking and almost thought I wouldn’t make it lol. The biggest disappointment:

lights go on again. not only is the reception lackluster compared to my other fics, but it’s honestly the weakest thing I’ve written so far. I’m seriously considering orphaning it but idk :( The biggest surprise: idk. I was honestly fucking shellshocked when us against the world got over 1000 hits in less than 24 hrs tho. I never expected that kind of reaction, especially for my very first ever fic. I honestly thought no one would want to read my fics lol. but also when ppl say I’m their favorite or one of their favorite authors?? like in what in the hell. I consider myself an amateur bc I have never written consistently before in my life. I’m new to the whole fic writing scene. I’ve actually spent the majority of my life hating my writing lmao. or when ppl praise things I think I’m shit at lol. I also like rollin’ in the deep a lot more than I thought I would considering it was just a dumb fluff piece to satisfy my thirst. I wrote the first 1300 words in a waiting room and I was like I don’t have to make this perfect bc it’s stupid fluff but I legit melted writing it. oh and publishing the first chapter of forever yours in two weeks after my first fic. how in the hell did I ever write 9k that quickly I will unfortunately never able to do that again.

The most unintentionally telling story:

I’m not sure what this even means? a lot of myself does bleed into my stories I think. like even if the mood varies depending on the scene I feel like my voice carries through? they just sound like me and it’s something that can’t be repicated lol. like my fics have a shit ton of cussing which is part of it lmao. but also sometimes I give jinkook aspects of myself like seokjin doing aegyo and being clingy when drunk (which is actually real omfg I’m a genius sorry) and jungkook not realizing when other ppl like him. also by reading my fics you can tell which groups I stan, what foods I like, etc. and ofc when I start waxing poetic about their looks or voices or talents that’s all me lol. Highlights + Wrap-up Favorite Opening Line(s): “And the Academy Award for Best Actor goes to… Kim Seokjin!” — forever yours; ch1 twenty four

The world is fucking taunting Jungkook.— forever yours; ch2 fiction

Jungkook feels sick. Bile mounts up his throat; it tastes like bitterness, hurt, betrayal, anger, resentment, and heartbreak, flowing through him in chaotic discord. His voice breaks underneath the staggering weight. — forever yours; ch3 smile, again

they’re all from forever yours lmao. the first one is for very obvious reasons but the other two I find the most riveting. I tend to start my fics with dialogue or with “seokjin/jungkook …” bc I’m so creative lol Favorite Closing Line(s): they lose themselves in each other until the world fades till there’s nothing but seokjin and jungkook, just their mouths and bodies and hearts uniting into one against the world. — us against the world

I’m forever yours. — forever yours

I like connecting the endings to my titles clearly lmao. but those endings are the strongest and the ones  I’m most proud of. the other ones are all kind of similar and end with jinkook in a bed saying I love you haha. Favorite 5 10 Lines from Anywhere:

it’s relatively quiet outside and the weather is beautiful; the clear, azure skies provide an obstructed pathway for the gleaming sunshine to burn the foliage in a palette of fiery crimsons, rich golds, and vibrant oranges. the oppressive summer heat has finally faded into a cool, refreshing breeze with the advent of autumn. seokjin tugs jungkook into his side for a surge of warmth as they amble towards the car, the crisp air nipping at their skin, rustling through his bunny ears, and fallen leaves crunching beneath their feet. — rollin’ in the deep

Snowfall blankets the landscape like an instagram filter, casting a creamy, dreamy lighting over the scenery. It looks like they stepped into a fairytale. — light me up

Jungkook hums sweetly, toying with the strands of hair behind Seokjin’s nape. The melody is so soft and sweet like a souffle that Seokjin wants to devour it—so he does, capturing Jungkook’s lips and licking the inside of his mouth. — light me up

The parade marches through as they eat, a symphony of prismatic floats and musical instruments decorating Main Street with whimsy. Seokjin sways alongside the music and Jungkook joins him, their bubbling giggles adding another layer of sound to the percussion. — forever yours

Seokjin is so beautiful but he’s never been more gorgeous than when his chiseled, naked body and pink strands glisten with sweat while thrusting deeply into Jungkook, dark eyes smouldering with lust and headiness, handsome face contorted in concentration intent on pleasuring Jungkook, and plush, pretty, pink mouth falling open as melodic sounds escape his lips, sweeter than his blessed high notes. It’s too much for Jungkook. — forever yours

“You’re gorgeous. My beautiful baby boy. Sweet marshmallow bunny.” — light me up

the bright white of the headband contrasts with his dark hair, haloing a soft crown of light around him, and coupled with the afterglow of his orgasm, he looks angelic. seokjin tells him as much and he flushes a pretty pink, a perfect complement to his ivory rabbit ears. — rollin’ in the deep

jungkook licks his lips as they stroll past a lone vendor selling hotteok, and when seokjin kisses him, cornering him in the enshrouding, secluded thicket of maple trees, seokjin tastes sweet like brown sugar, like cinnamon, like the warming comfort of fall spices and home-baked treats. — rollin’ in the deep

It’s empty this late at night, their only company being the summer breeze rustling through their clothes and the mild rippling of the waves. The water glitters beautifully underneath the stars in the darkness but it pales in comparison to the way the moonlight dances off Seokjin’s freshly dyed pastel hair to illuminate his gorgeous features. He looks magical, bright eyes sparkling and pink strands shimmering. — forever yours

The kiss is everything Jungkook dreamed and fantasized about but beyond his imagination. Seokjin tastes like coffee and chocolate and cream, their dessert lingering on his tongue, and Jungkook licks up every last morsel of flavor. He can’t get enough; Seokjin is so sweet and soft and warm against him like a freshly baked cake. He’s addicted. He wants more. — forever yours

also the iconic:

“Fuck PDogg hyung and Bang PD hyung” — forever yours

you know what this is too fucking hard. I’ll do a separate post with my top 5 lines from each fic. these are just 10 lines I’m particularly fond of and rly wanted to highlight bc no one else has.

Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:

1. JUNGKOOK WEARING LINGERIE AND BUNNY EARS but particularly the part with jungkook sitting on seokjin’s lap growling he’s sexy and seokjin laughing at him for being adorable. literally if my drawing skills were good enough and I had a tablet I would fucking illustrate this myself

2. seokjin gifting jungkook diamond studs on the balcony underneath fairy lights and the seoul night sky

3. jinkook kissing under the snowfall and surrounded by christmas lighting + decorations

4. jinkook holding hands while walking outside in the fall foliage and seokjin kissing jungkook in a thicket of maple trees

5. JINKOOK PERFORMING THEIR FUCKING DUET AT JUNGKOOK’S SOLO CONCERT

+ bonus sakura petals swirling around seokjin with seokjin cornering jungkook against a tree to swipe stray ice cream off his lips and licking it off his thumb and watching the fireworks at disneyland with seokjin’s head nestled onto jungkook’s shoulder and arms wrapped around his waist.

Fic-writing goals for 2018: to finally write the ideas on my ever growing list. my last three were completely unplanned and were random spur of the moments. but I wanted to write something for jin’s bday. I could’ve written something short from my list but I wanted to do christmas lights and jungkook in lingerie so :x also to take my sweetass time until I’m perfectly happy with everything before publishing and not rushing out fics anymore. I’ve learned that when I try to write something as fast as possible for others—it goes wholly unappreciated like the last chapter of forever yours and light me up. like half of the original commenters disappeared despite finally getting the happy ending they cried for and being so excited for the fic? lol idk what happened but there’s no way I could’ve messed up the last chapter that badly… but yeah it’s just not worth the stress lmao. ppl just don’t understand the effort, time, and pain it goes into producing something.

[cobblecatghoul]

Thank you @zachwoods for tagging me in this, I love your blog so much, thanks for always sharing that wholesome Zachy goodness on mah dash 👌🏼💓

A—Age: 20 B—Birthplace: Planet Earth C—Current Time: 9:05 pm D—Drink You Last Had: Coffee E—Easiest Person To Talk To: my mom and pretty much all of my internet friends F—Favourite Song: omg I’m not sure if I have one, but the first one that comes to mind is probably Stripped//Depeche Mode G—Grossest Memory: that one time in grade 3 when I brought a banana to school and it got squished in my school bag and since then I hate bananas H—Horror Yes or Horror No: hell yes, *threatening Gabe Lewis voice* “I’ve seen horrible things. I own over 200 hundred horror movies” I—In Love: only once, I’m not sure I’m completely out of love yet but I need to be. In terms of famous people, there are many, namely Dave Gahan, Zach Woods, William Control, Brendon Urie and Robin Lord Taylor J—Jealous of People: jealous not really, but bitter and angry probably L—Love at First Sight or Should I Walk By Again: the logical side of me says I should walk by again but I’m a hopeless romantic so love at first sight haha M—Middle Name: Disappointment jk I don’t have one N—Number of Siblings: one O—One Wish: to be in the three comma club P—Person You Called Last: I don’t call anyone on the phone lmao bc I have crippling phone anxiety Q—Question You Are Always Asked: “what the hell is wrong with you?” in an affectionate way tho, I think R—Reason to Smile: music and animals S—Song You Sang Last: Wicked Game // HIM T—Time You Woke Up: 10:15 am U—Underwear Colour: purple V—Vacation Destination: New York or any big city really W—Worst Habit: overthinking and dwelling in the past X—X-Rays: don’t think I’ve had any? Y—Your Favourite Food: good ‘ol pizza and I’m a chocoholic (chocolate is a food okay) Z—Zodiac Sign: Aries

I tag @asskissing, @andyfletcher, @ruubesz, @luciferpls, @demon-seed, @britishsixtiesbeat and anyone who feels like it!

[thank-your-lucky-stars]

don’t read this if you’re avoiding negativity because i haven’t even started writing this yet and I can tell you now it is going to get U G L Y

I just finished watching last nights episodes on my lunch break (I just skipped all the Pierce/Rhona/Vanessa scenes because I had limited time and just YAWN) and I genuinely do not understand how people could enjoy those Robron scenes????? I’m not saying anyone is wrong I’m just utterly jealous of you??? Like every time I felt myself feeling something there was this voice screaming in my head, telling me it’s all bullshit, and I really felt myself feeling something that I never expected or wanted to feel ever again and I don’t even want to say it because I feel ashamed and I think people will hate me 

Because I just need to keep reminding myself that this isn’t actually our Robron. This isn’t actualy our Robert. He’s been so fucking screwed over and it makes me want to cry because I never ever ever wanted there to be a time where I looked at him and felt.....anger. resentment. yeah, I said it. I started to pull faces at stuff he said. When he was telling Aaron that everything would be “perfect” or whatever he said, I actually felt disgusted.

And then I tell myself NO. don’t be angry at Robert; be angry at Emmerdale. be angry at Iain and the writers or whoever decided this whole disgusting mess was acceptable.

I am REPULSED. It was all plotty and gross. When Aaron punched Robert, a part of me was just PRAYING that Bex had actually told him the truth. 

and don’t even get me started on the whole “OMGGGZZZZZZ BEX HAD A WEE SO SHE MUST BE PREGNANT!1!!!!” thing I mean what the actual fuck????

and Bex taking the test in the pub I mean Vic doesn’t even fucking live in the pub?????????? 

I wanted to throw up whenever Bex was on the screen????? There is no way Bex would be having symptoms of pregnancy after three weeks I mean lMAO I know tests can tell you when you are that early but women only generally have tests that early on if they’re trying for a baby???????

and her all crying like “oh no poor me” like what the fuck, are we supposed to feel sorry for her??? fuck off Emmerdale, seriously. she is repulsive. 

Everything is fucking gross and I’m so fucking angry and you know what I’m most bitter about?? ASHLEY. Because in amongst all this hideousness there is Ashley and Laurel and Gabby and Arthur and Sandy and the scenes with Marlon and Gabby at Ashley’s bedside were beautiful and how.....just how do they fit alongside the rest of the rubbish???

I just.....I’ve already said that I’m PMSing badly and I was already feeling emotional and angry so okay I accept that maybe my feelings are heightened right now, or maybe I’m just seeing everything in the truest, purest form and can see crystal clear what a fucking mess this show I have loved for YEARS is right now.

and Aaron?????? he’s home and all I could feel was sadness????? and even him talking about what he went through was overshadowed by the fact that Robert was feeling guilty??? like we’re supposed to think “oh god Robert is going to be feeling terrible” when it’s like NO. FUCK THAT SHIT. WE SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT AARON AND AARON ALONE.

I am fucking PISSED OFF at how badly Emmerdale have dropped the ball on this. This storyline should have and could have been amazing but instead they had a few really disgustingly traumatic episodes of Aaron suffering hell in prison and then barely mention it again for weeks, just so we could have this tacky and cheap and nasty baby storyline with a character nobody likes or cares about??????

I am LIVID. I’m not going to pretend that I still feel the same because I don’t. Emmerdale have fucking torn Robron away from me, have caked them in crap and rubbish and made something that was so beautiful and unique just feel so......cold. alien. I feel sadness. I felt sad when watching their scenes. All I can see is the big black cloud hanging over their head. Robert’s lies. knowing Aaron will get badly hurt A G A I N.

fucking G R O S S. I am more disgusted than I have been in a LONG TIME.

This probably sounds dramatic as fuck but I’m just so sad and angry that my ship has been reduced to this.

I am genuinely so so jealous of anyone that feels positive, anyone that still feels the same about Robron as they did before. I envy you so so much. My heart is literally broken. Every time I think I can’t get more disappointed, here I am.