#i am going to be sooooo mentally unwell

[senatorraines]

yall think i'm joking when i say this but even the mere IDEA of seeing adrian on my screen in the year of our lord 2023 .... yall are gonna hate my guts by the time this shit is over

[fella-lovin-fella]

Google search how to not have a bpd meltdown if you have bpd

[piplupod]

hate waking up scared for no apparent reason. girl what do u mean im scared of going to my old lady yarn group !!!!!

[marshmellowtea]

honestly confession, both my dhmis and markiplier extended universe hyperfixations are being lovingly edged out in intensity by who's lila, i just haven't been posting about that game because 1) there's less fan content to reblog in general (though i have been meaning to go through the tag), 2) i don't. think many or any of you have really heard of it and i kinda dread posting things that i know won't really get a response of any kind and 3) i am deeply petrified of being kicked out by the like. three still active people in this fandom by being too weird so idk really ajdgkljdsklg

[clonewarsahsoka]

ALSOOOOOOOOOO I am THIS close to just dropping out moving back home and just working again

[aihoshiino]

just read chapter 153 and then your thoughts on it and. i am chewing. screaming. hikaru kamiki, the (absolute traumatized disaster of a) man that you are. that entire chapter immediately catapulted him into the spot of one of my faves (tho tbf, i love all onk characters)

also, while reading your thoughts, specifically the part about aqua/ai and ruby/hikaru parallels,,, if those are on purpose/meant to foreshadow things,,, that would bring up the possibility that, uh, ruby might pull a hikaru on aqua, so to speak. i mean, it's conjecture on my part, i could be wrong, but, uh. the signs. they are certainly there. maybe i'm misreading them. but they're there.

HE'S SOOOOO UNWELL... I've been prodding and poking at The Idea of kamiki basically since we started getting concrete info about him so seeing a lot of the stuff I'd been hoping would be the case re: his characterization and relationship with Ai actually turn out to be true has been soooooo satisfying. As disappointed as I am it took us this long to actually get around to dealing with him, I defo agree he is Up There in terms of OnK characters I'm having a ton of fun rotating. I just love it when an anime dilf is evil and mentally ill.

AS FOR WOOBY... I definitely think this is foreshadowing for where the AquRuby drama is going to go, in that we're gearing up for her to be hit with an 'I can't love you the way you want me to love you' truthbomb like Kamiki was from Ai. We'll probably get an Oshi no Joker moment from her but I think she'll ultimately come out of it a lot stronger, accepting that even if Gorou -> Aqua can't love her the way she's clung onto, he's still here and he does still love her - as do all the other people in her life.

In general, a lot of these generational parallels between Ai's social circle and the main cast are about correcting for the mistakes that the prior generation made - how, uh, effectively this is actually pulled off when it comes to B-Komachi is definitely YMMV (i love ruby but she is god's most annoying nepobaby and she doesn't even know it) but it feels pretty obvious to me that this is being telegraphed with the Hikaru parallels, especially with the really heavy handed Moving On Towards The Future theme that's been hammered in the last few chapters.

[wishful-seeker]

I think people should give kids more credit for knowing what they need.

When i was missing so much high-school i had to do summer school because i was not only physically ill but also very mentally unwell, sooooo many adults kept telling me to go to school, even though doing so made me have severe, debilitating panic attacks, and i was dealing with a lot of physical pain aswell. So many people said "you'll never amount to anything, man up and go to school." And i kept telling them "im sick and i know what my body needs." But nobody likes it when a 14-15 year old says that. God forbid a CHILD knows exactly what her body and mind needs, shes just a stupid kid how could she possibly know?

I promise your child actually knows what they're doing and what they need. Please listen to them. If you kid says they need to stay home from school there is a reason. Maybe its mental health, or physical health, but kids aren't stupid. I would like to see less of this ablism where a child that doesn't go to school is considered a bad child.

Do you know how many teachers hated me specifically for not being able to go to school? It didn't matter that i had a note saying every absence is excused by a doctor, they still assumed i was fooling my parents into letting their bratty child do whatever they wanted. They would ridicule me TO MY FACE and say I'd never pass. I did pass btw. I finished most of my school work on one single day of summer class because i missed a lot of that too. But i learned nothing, because i was BUSY BEING FUCKING SICK i had BETTER things to worry about. Idc what the excuse is, absence should never mean you fail a class or don't pass a grade. It is so ablist to assume that every student can follow THE VERY UNREASONABLE SCHEDULE of waking up at 4 to 5 am and being at school for 8 hours (WHEN YOU ONLY DO ACTUAL WORK FOR 4!!) and kids only getting 6 hours of sleep (WHEN A LOT NEED 9 TO 12!!!) for 5 fucking days (EVEN 4 WOULD BE BETTER!!) Its absolutely ridiculous and the only kids can do it are either able bodied, able minded, and even then they are more stressed than a child should ever be. And if they cant follow this schedule they are a Bad Person. I had teachers that literally treated me like a dog. I'd ask them for make up work and they would give me the most shitty and rude attitude i have ever seen. NO ONE has treated me worse about my health than teachers. It was because i was a kid. When i had to drop out of college for my disability, the teachers were incredibly respectful and wished me a speedy recovery and hoped id be back in their class next year.

Being sick as a child is one of the most isolating and angering experiences you will go through. Adults take every shitty thing they feel and throw it at you because you are a vulnerable child. They would never speak the way they speak to you to adults because then they'd get their ass beat or fucking killed. But because you are 15 years old, they will use you as a punching bag.

If your kid is sick, FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM!! i hate to burst your bubble but when i say "people know whats best for them more than anyone else" I MEAN KIDS TOO.

[stormyoceans]

it's severely missing vice versa hours (as always) so, let's go with your top picks for puen's best looks?

CASSI I NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU FOR ASKING ME THIS BUT ALSO THAT YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH 15 DIFFERENT LIFE CRISIS AND DEVELOP 8 NEW MENTAL ILLNESSES IN THE SPAN OF 3 DAYS TRYING TO ANSWER THIS. also im ONLY NOW realizing, as im posting this, that you didn’t actually ask me my top 10, but just my TOP. FULL STOP. so i could have picked 3 or 5 and reply way sooner……… maybe it’s me. i am the problem. IM SO SORRY BUT STILL. HERE WE GO

1. the wedding outfit in episode 4. I LOVE WHEN PUEN WEARS ANY KIND OF SHADE FROM PINK TO RED SO THIS IS LITERALLY MY DREAM OUTFIT FOR HIM. he looks positively radiant in it and idk if you can see it, but when i was taking that full body screenshot i realized that the white pants are slightly see-through and i think i momentarily blacked out for a minute or 10 or 10000. ALSO DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WISH HE COULD WEAR THIS FOR HIS OWN WEDDING WITH TALAY IT’S LITERALLY PERFECT CAN THEY JUST RECREAT IT INTO THEIR UNIVERSE TOO IM BEGGING.

2. the interview look in episode 12. I ACTUALLY CAN'T WRITE DOWN HALF OF THE THINGS IM THINKING ABOUT THIS BECAUSE THERE ARE MINORS ON THIS SITE so im just gonna say that the all black suit + the styled hair was a truly inspired combination and it's unfair that talay didn't get to witness all of this in person.

3. the suspenders look in episode 1. I SIMPLY THINK THAT [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] THOSE HIPS DON'T LIE.

4. the ombre(?) jacket outfit in episode 12. puen really showed up in front of god and the cameras to announce his undying love for talay wearing the skinniest pair of jeans known to man then powerwalked to talay’s house to win his mom over and i simply think that’s very sexy of him. also making puen wear blue, which is talay’s color, during this scene was such a big brain move, though the real pièce de résistance, the jewel in the crown, the cherry on top of an already delicious cake is THAT JACKET. the costume designer of the show truly said ‘if he’s not ouselling outserving outslaying while getting his man then i ain’t doing my job right’ and by god they delivered. 

5. the first glasshouse outfit in episode 4. this is my favorite kind of casual wear for puen: dark jacket, dark jeans, neutral boots, and the shirt giving a pop of color to the entire outfit, especially if that color is red. he looks SOOOOO GOOD in red. at one point puen also drives tun’s bike in this outfit and when they get to the glasshouse there’s a brief moment where you can see he’s about to take off his gloves which im pretty sure awakened something in me because i’ve been feeling unwell ever since (screenshot not included for the faint of heart and to preserve my sanity) [mostly for my sanity]  

6. the beach outfit in episode 9. LISTEN i know it's a very simple look, but i LOVE when puen wears button-up shirts with nothing else underneath. it's also giving so much mr darcy walking through the moors with his tits out to go tell elizabeth that she bewitched him body and soul and that he loves he loves he loves her and wishes from this day forth never to be parted from her in the 2005 pride and prejudice movie adaptation. LIKE SORRY BUT I LITERALLY SEE NO DIFFERENCE.

7. the marriage proposal suit in episode 12. SOMETHING SOMETHING THE WAY PUEN’S COLOR PALETTE IS MADE OUT OF A LOT OF DARK NEUTRALS BUT THEY DECIDED TO DRESS HIM ENTIRELY IN LIGHT ONES WHEN HE PROPOSES TO TALAY. i’d say im reading too much into it except NOTHING IS CASUAL IN THIS SHOW. also his tiddies look great in that white undershirt and i just really like this suit, which is kinda surprising considering that i do prefer him in darker shades.

8. the “pink theory” outfit in episode 10. OF COURSE i had to include one of the iconic sleeveless shirt looks and OF COURSE i had to go with the pink one. he wears quite a few in the alternate universe and i was very torn between this and the black one in the glasshouse at the end of episode 4, but in the end i just love him in this salmon color way too much and………………….. [loses tracks of what she’s saying because ARMS]

9. the “tonight let’s go head over heels for each other” outfit in episode 12. you know how some people end up letting themselves go after entering a relationship? yeah, that’s not puen. you’d think he would chill out a little after finally getting with talay but NO!!!!! HE SAID TITS OUT FOR THE BOYFRIEND ALWAYS!!!!! TITS OUT FOR THE BOYFRIEND NOW MORE THAN EVER!!!!! and you know what? i respect his horny ass so much for it.

10. the bathroom outfit (bucket hat on exclusively) in episode 1. ranked at the bottom because im actually not too fond of that jacket and it probably wouldn't have made it in my top 10 by itself HOWEVER!!!!! this outfit without the bucket hat? simply a lesser version of the interview suit in episode 12. this outfit WITH the bucket hat? BRILLIANT INCREDIBLE AMAZING SHOWSTOPPING SPECTACULAR NEVER THE SAME TOTALLY UNIQUE COMPLETELY NOT EVER DONE BEFORE. honestly no one should be able to look that good wearing a bucket hat THAT'S SIMPLY TOO MUCH POWER.

[kakusboyfriend]

If your in the mood to write any Psimon headcanons do you mind doing a cuddle/comfort request? I feel like if anyone needs a hug is him.

Love of my life I am so here for writing fluff with him. He's so cute I want to eat him

Oh by the way I'm wicked evil, so I wrote down some reasons Why he would need comfort. I love my guys but I also love to torment them - sooooo it ended up being a bit more about That because I have a lot of thoughts about it. Sorry! Hope it's still fun to read regardless

• it's hard for me to find a villain that wouldn't be extremely stubborn to ask for help, whether it's because everyone already thinks they're weak or because they can't let the tough guy facade break for the sake of their reputation. Psimon is the former, definitely - everyone Knows he's as frail as a soggy sheet of paper, so he's not one to do anything to make himself seem even weaker.

• he's reluctant to ask for help, even if you're intimate. Unless he has a special relationship with someone, he doesn't let himself seem vulnerable around anyone. To be fair, it's not like he's surrounded by people that would jump to his aid should he need it, so it's not like he's missing out on much.

• he used to be better at holding himself together and taking care of himself. However, after the Miss Martian situation, he gets dizzy spells and migraines far more often, and straight up cannot work on bad days. Those are the days he needs comfort the most, no matter how stubborn he is to accept it at first.

• a funny idea to work with when it comes to psychics being sick is losing control of their powers and unintentionally making people feel sick with them. If the whole team is feeling nauseous out of nowhere, you really should check on Psimon before assuming it's a bug - he tends to do that when he's not well, and it's for the better that he leaves early. For everyone's sake.

• it depends on what's actually wrong with him, but usually he'll voice his concerns telepathically instead of speaking. I'm projecting, but forming words can be Taxing, and communicating in that manner is more private, anyways. Unless a bad headache is what's bothering him, then he'll do it verbally.

• if things are Bad bad, he's pratically nonverbal for most of the day, vocally and mentally. It just feels like a huge chore, and he gets by alright without speaking. He's very sensitive to light so he won't be typing either. You'll find a way to communicate eventually.

• to go with my last post, Psimon is very touchy feely when he's unwell. In public, he'll seek your touch almost constantly - not only is it comforting, but it helps him feel grounded instead of dissociating into the nether about it. In private or at home, he gets almost whiny for your touch - something he doesn't give himself the luxury to when with others. It's pathetic and sad, and you really do feel like giving him the world when he's that bad.

• however, if you give in, he'll wrap himself around you and not let go for hours. You're trapped like this, his face buried in your chest so he still has some grip on reality, hugging you as tight as he can. Well, Psimon isn't the strongest guy out there, so you Could leave if you really wanted to - but it's like a cat, really. You wouldn't dare wake him up, would you?

• like I said, he's got mad photosensitivity when he's unwell, so all he wants is to lay around in the dark with you instead of having the TV on. Instead, he'd much rather hear you talk about your day, or your interests, or just anything you want to - he loves the sound of your voice and how it rumbles in your chest when he's pressed against you.

• ok sickness aside, I do think Psimon would love to give and receive tight hugs that go on for a bit too long. He just melts into you, and if you pay attention you'll hear a little discontent noise when you eventually break contact. If it were up to him, you'd stay like that all day.

• dear god he needs reassurance nowadays. Like, once again you don't get a lot of that in villain teams. It may not be as punishing of a workplace as others, but it's certainly not a warm one either. His sequelae are a cause of deep seated insecurity for him, because of how easy it is to write them off as a flaw of character or lack of effort to recover. Not only that, but it's a constant reminder that he's not as powerful as he thought he was.

• we all know it doesn't matter to either of us, but to someone who used to take pride in his abilities, it's hard to admit things have changed. If he seems distant or cold, it's usually a sign you should reach out and try talking to him a bit about the issue. He may avoid your questions at first, but, bit by bit, he'll trust you enough to vent about the matter.

• it really is a patience game, and he's not easy to approach, but it's worth it. He's a gentle and sensitive guy when you're not his opponent, he just doesn't have the opportunity to demonstrate it until you're a bit closer.

[dreamingsushi]

Legend of the White Snake - Episode 19

So. I was half way through the episode when my computer decided it was the perfect time to reboot. Again! Yep, I think it’s sulking because I now have a desk computer and uses it a little more often. So pardon me if the recap of the first half of the episode is lacking, I have already seen it and have to rewrite what I did. I should save drafts way more often hahaha. Saving just now. Just in case.

Xiao Qing is trying to keep herself cool by swimming in West Lake. Then Fahai comes and traps her in her bowl. But he grows a flower so she would be feeling a little less the heat. Can Xiao Qing build a harem and have many lovers? Am I weird to ship her with almost every body?

Xu Xian comes back home with a bottle of alcohol for him to drink with Suzhen for the Duanwu festival. So Ruyi asks Xu Xian if he added realgar inside of it, as it tradition, but he didn’t so she adds it in for him. So Suzhen won’t have choice but to reveal her true form. She’s so mean. Suzhen is still feeling unwell because of the heat and it worries Xu Xian. He came back earlier to spend time with his wife and pours wine for her. She tries to not drink it, but in the end she can’t really find a reason good enough to refuse. So she ends up drinking it anyways.

Fahai finally releases Xiao Qing and she asks him why would he help her. Then he just ignores her. Then, due to the gift his master left for him, he realizes that Xiao Qing is half immortal and warns her that as soon as she hurts people, he won’t show mercy even if she’s half immortal. Xiao Qing is of course asking for a duel someday later and finally realizes he called her half-immortal and asks him about it, but he just leaves, so she can only run after him.

Back home, Suzhen is experiencing problems to maintain her human form and because she’s wearing the buddhist beads Ruyi gave her, she can’t use her spiritual energy. So she asks Xu Xian to go out. It takes her a lot to make him go out. Why won’t she just  take off that bracelet? Gosh. It’s so simple, why does she not know those things when she was reluctant even to accept it as a gift... Outside, Xu Xian is getting really worried about his wife. Then Ruyi comes in yelling that a snake went inside the room where Suzhen is. Which is bad because Suzhen is transforming back. A panicked Xu Xian breaks the door only to see a huge white snake inside the house. He thinks it ate his wife and dies out of the shock ): Well at first I wasn’t sure if he died or just fainted, but he literally dies on the spot.

When Ruyi comes back with Jiaorong, it’s only to see a big white snake fleeing away and a dead Xu Xian. I hope Ruyi is happy now. She killed Xu Xian with her harmful ways.

Fahai runs into Xu Xian’s house to see he’s dead and believes that the White Snake killed Xu Xian. Suzhen then comes back, so sad because she knows she’s the one who hurt Xu Xian and then big sis asks her how come she escaped by herself, leaving Xu Xian alone. Then as he sees her and his staff doesn’t react, Fahai is doubting again. He blamed her but she’s not the culprit? Is it true? Suzhen blames Ruyi for giving her the buddhist beads and Fahai prevents her from hurting Ruyi. But what actually stops her is that she sees Xu Xian’s soul trying to leave his body. She asks Li Gongfu to take Jiaorong and Ruyi to rest, she will stay by Xu Xian’s side. Then she begs Fahai to save Xu Xian, she’s willing to pay any price. But Fahai has no way to save him.

Suzhen traps herself into pain and sadness over the death of her husband. She’s desperate to find a way to bring him back to life. Then the rest of the family comes to take Xu Xian’s corpse. Xiao Qing warns them that Suzhen won’t allow it and indeed she doesn’t. Big sis is a little unhappy with her and blames her for not having been by Xu Xian’s side when he was attacked by the snake.

Suzhen tries to convince them that there’s still a way to save him, that he’s not dead. She says he’s not dead and takes big sis in to show her. How dare that Ruyi follow and come in? Doesn’t she feel guilty for what happened to Xu Xian? And she even has the nerves to tell Suzhen that if she really likes Xu Xian, she should let him go? WHAT? Did I hear her say that? That little. Okay. Now I hate you. You pretend that you have nothing to do with this? You should be a mess and cursing your own stupidity.

And now big sis accusing her again of running away without him when the snake came. Poor Suzhen. Jiaorong orders to take Xu Xian’s corpse and says that Suzhen is crazy thinking she can still revive him. But Suzhen begs her to have three more days. In that span of time, she can revive him. Jiaorong agrees but if after that he hasn’t been saved, she shouldn’t come back. Poor Suzhen. Now the in laws dislike her. Get that awful Ruyi out of that room. She has no right to stay when she harmed that much Xu Xian.

Xiao Qing is mad at Suzhen for promising to save Xu Xian, but she says she knows a way and begs her to go get Fahai for her as she needs his help. Even though at first he’s not really willing to help, he ends up agreeing. She needs him to help Xiao Qing looking on the lamp, that fire is going to prevent Xu Xian’s soul to disperse. She’s herself planning to go to Kunlun mountains and get an herb to save him. Xiao Qing tries to prevent her from doing so, because it’s a place for immortals where demons shouldn’t go, but Suzhen is determined. She’s rather die than not try. Xiao Qing wants to go with her, but Suzhen convinces her to stay and keep an eye on Xu Xian and her core because in this world, the only person she can trust now is Xiao Qing. Suzhen really knows how to get Xiao Qing’s feelings.

JIN SONG!!!!!

Okay, out of that random moment of happiness. He’s like happy to learn that Xu Xian died. Well I guess anybody would like to see their rival out of the way and it was kind of bound to happen. Suzhen is clearly going to live longer than Xu Xian. I can’t dislike him for being happy. Even though my heart screams for that poor Xu Xian. And he’s going to stop her. Oh god. Jin Ling. Poor little thing.

Wow. The set of the Kunlun mountains is just sooooo beautiful. At first, when Suzhen sees Jin Song, she’s kind of happy. I think she misses him a little, but as soon as she understands he’s here to try to convince her to stop, she gets sad again and asks him to mind his own business. As they are about to fight each other, they get distracted by something and Suzhen takes that opportunity to flee.

Back home, because Xu Xian’s body isn’t degrading, Fahai has to repulse evil spirits. She needs to calm down to be able to help him take care of the body.

The spirit that try to come in was actually Wang Daoling. He couldn’t get any information and asks Ruyi to distract at night the monk so he can fight with Xiao Qing. Because he’s no match for Fahai. Gosh. That Ruyi. She’s going to kill Xu Xian twice. And she doesn’t even... what? She has no guilt for what she’s done? She blames it on Suzhen. That girl has mental issues. Please somebody take her away.

Suzhen gets discovered by one of the disciple of the master of Kunlun mountains and fights with him to get the medicine. However, without her core, she’s no match for it and if it wasn’t for Jin Song, she would have died. He takes her away and is so worried when she doesn’t wake up. He tries again to convince her to go back with him to Emei, but she won’t give up and she’s willing to sacrifice herself to save Xu Xian. Then he tells her he can save Xu Xian. At first she doesn’t believe him, but he insists. He gives him the opportunity to go in the past 5 times, it’s super dangerous though.

She then uses that little disciple’s appearance to trick the other disciple only to learn that the master took all the magical herbs away to make it a present for some immortal. She follows to there and her way of getting in is to use the younger disciple’s appearance. One of the guards is doubting, but the other convinces him it’s all fine so she gets in without trouble. For now. More obstacles are waiting for her.

[purplesurveys]

812

Is there anyone you work with that you don't get along with? Why? I'm always civil with everyone, and when I get mad at someone I make sure it’s because they really fucked up on a task, and not just because I don’t like their personality or whatever. I’ve always just felt like butting heads with someone is only going to affect my work, so I try not to clash with people. If I don’t like someone for any reason, I usually just minimize my interactions with them. Have you ever been romantically interested in a coworker? ...Does a classmate count? I started crushing on Gab back in high school lol. Have you ever been romantically involved with a coworker? ^ Same question. Do you have any thoughts on a 14-year age-gap? Not a fan. Age gaps in general scare me away, though I think it’s because I’ve only been with someone of the same age. What is the game you're currently playing most often on your phone? Bitlife. It’s like a simpler Sims.

What is your go-to Starbucks order? MAN OH MAN does this question make me miss coffee shops. I get a grande iced caramel macchiato. I get it as is because having so many customization options just makes me overwhelmed. Do you have any friends that you're drifting apart from? I don’t think so. We all just have to be apart right now but once we can see each other again, I’m 110% sure it’ll only be like we hadn’t seen each other in a day. Are you close to someone who is mentally unwell? I think all my friends aren’t mentally okay to some extent. It’s pretty common in our age group. What phone do you have? iPhone 8. What is the last thing you ordered for delivery? Andrew and I had Chinese food delivered to Skywalk after a particularly brutal verbal beatdown from our thesis adviser who had told us to revise big chunks of our thesis ASAP. I was super stressed so I allowed myself to splurge on the Hong Kong noodles I really liked and I specifically asked for three fucking packets of peanut sauce to drown my noodles in lmao. Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? It’s my preferred way of getting a pet. Adopt and don’t shop, plz. What's your favorite chain restaurant? YABUUUUUUUU. If I reach the point where I only had ₱400 left to my name, I’d still most likely spend it on their katsu.  Have you ever dated someone who was of a foreign origin? No...well, Gabie is part Turkish, so kinda? She’s still mostly Filipino though. Have you ever read any of your idol’s books/autobiographies? Out of all the people I fangirl over, only AJ has produced an autobiography and yes, I have her book. Oh I have One Direction’s first book too, but I haven’t been able to buy the next ones that came out. Do you own any succulents? Nope. Can’t take care of plants to save my life. When was the last time you climbed a tree? I’ve never done that, all the trees here have red ants. :/ If you have any pets, how would you describe their personalities? Kimi’s an absolute diva and chooses to follow, listen to, and be sweet with only me. He’ll be super nice when he’s asking for food, but will be quick to stop minding you completely once he’s gotten enough food from you. We give him a pass since he’s a senior dog now, but he’s definitely the snobby type hahaha. What is your phone's background? My home screen is of Hayley Williams; my lock screen is of Beyoncé and Jay-Z on stage. Who played at the last concert you went to? Paramore. Who is playing at the next concert you're attending? I’m really fucking hoping it’s going to be Beyoncé because she’s the only artist left I have yet to see lmao but if not, I’m most likely going to see Paramore again. What's your favorite amusement park ride? I like riding the octopus, but only the one in my high school’s fair. What's your favorite deep-fried food item? Corndogs, for sure. Why were you last pulled over? I got confused with the road rules in Alabang and ended up stopping at a red light albeit over a pedestrian lane. Stilllllll pissed about that instance to this day and I’ve never gotten over how rude the traffic enforcer was towards me. Do you have any friends that own a private lake? I don’t think so, we don’t have a lot of lakes here to begin with. What was the last thing you've done on the water? Take a shower, if I understood this question correctly. Canoeing or kayaking? I kayaked in Palawan when we were there and it was so peaceful and felt like absolute heaven. I’d relive that experience over and over again. What's your favorite lake? Like I said, we don’t really have a lot of lakes here. I don’t even know enough to pick a favorite. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? Sure, why not. Do you have a drone? I don’t. I’m not interested in having one. Do you have a smart watch? Nope. I’d love one but tbh I end up losing every watch I ever try to wear, so buying one would be pointless. What's your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant? It’s a bar rather than a restaurant, but Exile was such a fun place to be in. I still don’t understand why they had to close down so suddenly when sooooo many college kids were going there every single day. It’s since been replaced by this random shrimp restaurant, though I think that already closed too since no one ever went there because EVERYONE PREFERS EXILE. It was a very important part of my early college years and it helped me get out from my slump, so I’ll always be grateful that it was around at some point. What do you order from there? I don’t even remember anymore, it shut down two or three years ago. I’ll see if their menu is still up on Zomato... andddd it’s not. It’s like it never existed, sigh. What's your favorite ice-cream flavor? Cookies and cream. They jack up the prices for Ben & Jerry’s here like CRAZY so even though I’ve wanted to try so many of their flavors, I’ve never gotten to try it. I’m not paying ₱500-₱600 for ice cream. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? Yes, I have a couple of shirts from this local business called Artwork. Their employees, who are also artists, produce original designs on t-shirts, bags, pins, shoes, wallets, etc. every week so every time I visit the store, the selection is almost always completely brand new. What is your prettiest friend's first name? Gabriela, hehe. Who is your favorite comedian? Not really into comedians. I like Andy Samberg’s work, but mostly only for Brooklyn Nine-Nine. What's your favorite Netflix series? Queer Eye or Black Mirror, if we’re talking about original Netflix series. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? I regularly tuned in to a morning radio program when I’d drive to school before quarantine started, but that’s it. Do you know anyone who's had their own podcast? Nope, but I have friends and acquaintances who have released other stuff, like vlogs and EPs. Where were you the last time you stayed in a hotel? Cavite. What are you looking forward to, today? Mom bought shawarma so I can’t wait to eat them tonight. What are you looking forward to, in the next few months? For this Covid mess to finally blow over so I can have an actual, tangible graduation and see all my friends again. Are you a dog or a cat person? Dog. Without. A. Doubt. Do you know anyone who is freaked out by cats? Me. They never liked me no matter how nice I am with them, so I can never be around one for more than a minute. There’s only one cat that’s been nice to me – one of the cats that roam around the college, we call him Ginger – but even then, sometimes his claws can get super sharp when we play and it pierces my skin and I get scared, ahuhu. I’m sure cats are super nice and that they make for great pets, but we just can’t ever bond lol. Do you know any with Crohn's disease? No.

[benevolentscars]

little update, last week I got a temporary computer set up (that'll go to my dad as soon as my computer gets recovered from the storage unit, which we spent over a month of digging through and failed finding it---a *very* exhausting process--but this computer is MUCH more powerful than my previous computer which is so nice),

so I've been able to play video games with friends again, which because I haven't been able to see my friends physically in over 8 months, is VERY significant to me and my mental health

but I've been slowly downloading and setting up my computer :3 I'm hoping I'll be able to start streaming next week--I need to fully set up a lot of tech that'll be used for my streaming, but I reallllyyy hope that in time that will help my mental health by having something to force me to have a schedule again.

I have been doing very unwell mental health wise and that's why I've been sooooo quiet. I'm struggling to get on my feet but I am trying.

I've been drawing occasionally but not much that I'm willing to post---theres a stage when u start drawing again after a hiatus where the art doesn't look very good but you need to draw the bad art in order to draw better looking art again---idk if that makes sense but its a necessary evil to get through for me.

[christinamirabilis]

Sooooo.  I have reached the point where my current situation has become untenable, and I will start to become seriously unwell if I don’t do something to change it.

The main problem at the moment is university.  I am so far behind that I don’t think it is possible for me to catch up, at least in two of my papers - the third, neuroscience, I still have a chance of salvaging and getting around a B grade if I put a lot of effort in, but the other two are past the point of return, I think.

Now, I have an assignment due tomorrow for child development (the same paper that I missed the test for on Tuesday, and still haven’t heard back from the course coordinator on when I can re-sit, but it’s pointless since I don’t know any of the content), and I just know for certain that I can’t do it.  I talked my options through with my therapist today, and we decided that I’d give it a go, but I’ve looked at it and I just don’t have time to do anything that would even pass, and I would rather not waste my limited energy on a lost cause.

So my current options are as follows:

Continue trying to do as well as I can in all papers.  PROS: would probably be able to scrape a passing grade if I work my ass off, and therefore would still be able to start Honours next year.  CONS: passing grades would be very low, which would destroy my GPA, which needs to be at a certain level to get into Honours; I simply do not have the brain capacity to manage the amount of work that I would need to do; I will likely burn out from trying to do this and end up really unwell, not just moderately unwell like I am at the moment.

Drop out of all papers, work full-time until July next year so I can do them again in semester two next year.  PROS: at the moment I can withdraw from my papers and receive a “withdrawn” on my academic transcript rather than a “fail”, which I don’t think will impact my GPA; one of my workmates is leaving at Christmas time and it is likely that my boss would give me his job until July if I asked her; would be good for my mental health to have some time off study for a wee bit.  CONS: can’t get fees refunded; I would lose my student allowance in the meantime, and there is not currently any full-time work available at my work, which means I’d have to go on a benefit for a while and that’s a whole other can of worms that I do not want to open; it would mean putting off Honours for an extra year, and therefore probably putting off applying for Clinical for two years instead of one, and I’m not getting any younger; I don’t know if I would be able to continue to see my GP at Student Health if I am not currently enrolled at university, even though it would only be temporary, and I do not want to lose her as my GP, especially since we’ve just put in motion an assessment for ADHD, which, if I end up being diagnosed, which I think I will, would have a potentially life-changing effect on me and my ability to do things, if I can get medication.

Drop out of two of my papers, continue doing the third, work full-time from Christmas through to July next year, and then do the final two papers in semester two next year.  PROS: as long as I apply for limited full-time status, I won’t lost my student allowance for the rest of the semester - it means a little bit of bureaucracy, but much less than if I had to go on a benefit, and I know my doctor would sign off on it, and then at the end of the semester I’ll have work if my boss agrees to it; it will make things a little bit easier when I am trying to do those two papers next year, since I won’t have to do three at once; I won’t feel like a COMPLETE failure; I’ll still be able to see my GP at Student Health.  CONS: will still have that extra year before I start Honours; still can’t get course fees refunded.

At the moment, I’m leaning towards option three, that seems like the best approach.  I’m going to wait until I’ve talked to my boss tomorrow before I make that decision though - while I’m 90% sure she’d be happy for me to do my workmate’s job until July, I don’t want to take it for granted.

I feel pretty shitty about this, and I feel like a complete loser.  But at this point, I think I don’t have any other option, and I guess it’s a sign of where I’m at in my recovery that I would rather have a year’s setback and be well, than push through and end up losing myself again.  So yeah.  Ugh.