#i am mad i just want to sleep
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#i wanna complain#i have been tired all day and went to bed at 20#but instead of sleeping i have been crying on and off all evening for no other reason than hormons and self hatred spiral#and now i cant fall asleep no matter what i try#i am mad i just want to sleep#send help
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Prompt 290
Ghosts have the habit of taking names of those they’ve defeated. Not in spars or play-fights of course, and one has to actually be an adult for the instinct to hit, but it happens. It happens far more often than one would think.
Jason? Actually has no clue when he comes back to the living why he stole one of the Joker’s older names, nor why the Pit goes so angry when he thinks about Robin- HisTitleHisFraidNameFromFamily-
Now the Pit? Not a baby semi-near the cusp of adulthood, in fact is Very Old even if it’s more hivemind-esque then a full on realms entity. Very offended for the Baby it was gifted, because who takes that from a literal infant?!
Oh! Oh that’s another baby! Hm, change of plans, obviously the baby is also its. Because while adult ghosts trying to forcefully take a Name is a direct challenge? A ghostling- or in this case liminal- doing it is an open invitation for adoption.
#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#Sentient Lazarus Pit#Jason has no clue what happened either#Tim got kidnapped by Pit Mad Jason and bundled into a nest#At this point Hood’s Merry Men is used to their Boss bundling up kids and helping them detox so they leave him be#Let Liminals & ghosts Purr#Dick & Bruce are so very panicked & tearing through Gotham#Not unlike how Tim’s teammates are freaking out & searching outside Gotham#Meanwhile Tim is just confuzzled as Big Crime Lord curls around him & growls at anyone who so much as opens the door#the Pit: I am such a good parent :)#Later when Jason isn’t actively having Pit Episode (the Pit totally isn’t wanting babies to meet each other)#Jason holding Tim by the armpits audibly confused: You are not one of my brats#Tim who is concussed & has narcolepsy: No shit helmet-man but let me go back to sleep it’s comfy
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Taking the first step
#kirby#meta knight#galacta knight#king dedede#waddle dee#bandana dee#mine#my art#i have 3 hours of sleep left to go before work#chuckles i am in danger#but i wanted to do meta knight like i did with kirby#not quite as affectionate but i think meta knight would take it veeeery slowly before actually getting physically close#time to clock out now#pls dont get used to me uploading so frequently#i have bursts of drawing like mad and then just complete and utter burnout afterwards so kjsdhgs#lets see how long this lasts
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*person who repeatedly complains that all actual play is D&D voice* Oh I stopped listening to TAZ after Balance and dipped in for Ethersea but never really got into Amnesty or Steeplechase or any of their mini-series. No, I haven't checked out Candela Obscura or any of the CR one shots...heard weird things about the Monsterhearts one. Yeah I'm more into D20 now...no, haven't been keeping up with Mentopolis.
#like in all seriousness in my experience a lot of people want D&D but they don't want it to be called D&D#the reason people got so weird about the use of Good Society is that acofaf was like. fully d&d-compatible with good society as an add-on#bc the two systems operate in totally different spheres#so you had full d&d but also a second system running so you could be like no this is good society but it was clearly both.#also this is just like. the huge names that have done non-d&d stuff (i love naddpod but they've never done much in other systems)#we're not even getting to the VtM or Motherlands or various PF SRD podcasts just to name ones i'm broadly aware of#(it's similar to how people complained about CR's cast not being diverse (valid) but then were like anyway stan naddpod)#if i were to get REALLY into it and i am bc i didn't sleep enough and i'm drinking straight cold brew concentrate at 7:02 am#it's also why people are so vile about new character art#it's either entitled people who want a made-to-order story like it's a chipotle bowl or something and are mad they will never get it#or people with genuine complaints they don't know how to or will not voice#so they latch onto a detail that really isn't the problem.
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booktok biting the curb close up 4k footage
#i hate booktok with a vile passion#they can not reduce sleep tokens lyrics to just baby making metal i am going to HURT SOMEONE.#sleep token#vessel sleep token#sleep token lyrics#ive been mad about this all day someone sedate me#vessel does not want you freaks
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the burnout is real lads . . . . .
#which is to say that i came home and just stared at the wall for roughly 2 hours instead of completing my documents#it was at least validating to get to talk to one of my coworkers today#and hear that they're just as burnt out as i am#and usually have to sit in the parking lot for 4 to 5 minutes before they come in because they just don't want to be here that badly#and it feels hard to admit because this is typically thought of as a passion driven profession#and it's like#neither of us have lost the passion for it???#it's not that we hate our jobs#it's just that we both feel like. we're putting in increasingly more effort week by week but we're just.#no longer getting results.#i mentioned how i feel like my faith in my ability to do this kind of work has just plummeted to zero#not at all helped by my mentor constantly pushing me to go faster and faster but then getting mad when my presentations go poorly#because i went faster or reduced the amount of material or cut the Q and A section down 10 minutes#i just feel . . . . . tired . . . . . . . . . . .#i still need to write three planning documents for tonight#one of which needs to be Really Good because my direct supervisor will be looking at it#but my god#i just want to sleep for three days straight and then stare at a wall for another three#i'm so close to the end though . . . . .#just another 15 of these documents (including the three from tonight) and that about covers my internship#of course then there's also the seminar work and the group project and all the fancy official employment documents#and. the portfolio project (a man screams in agony)#but god . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . .#once i'm free from the portfolio it's back to zola work and THEN . . . . . . . . . .#i can finally have a substantial mental health break for the first time since last may ;;; _____ ;;;
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something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
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Me seeing all the comments under Glasto-themed posts blaming Alex for being sick and calling off Dublin
I'm barely able to fold that knife though.... And I'm not trusting myself that it'll stay folded.
#I really have no words for people who lack the basic minimum amounts of sympathy and understanding#and YES IT'S POSSIBLE HIS SYMPTOMS CLEARED UP IN JUST 4 DAYS#am I worried they didn't completely? yes. but they might have. and either way they're Definitely A LOT better after him resting#taking care of himself. possibly getting some meds prescribed. hydrating. not talking. sleeping#What did they want him to do. go out and mime the songs for them?#go up and barely utter some words through the hoarseness - make things worse and call of yhe next month if shows instead?#risk getting actual chronic laryngitis? risk his whole career?#the hell is wrong with people#you've got no idea how scared I was & am for my show that's coming up too. It's like extremely meaningful and important to me#the vision of going helped me through some tougher times#but you know what I'm also scared of?#of one of my favorite artist's getting seriously hurt.#of him beating himself up for disappointing people when there's nothing he can do about it.#can't believe people lack the basic empathy.#i get being disappointed. Sad. Furious even.#be furious with a god if you've got one or the universe or bacteria or the very idea of voice boxes being suspectable to strain#not with the man who's just as frustrated with the situation as you are#AHHHH#(i unfolded the knife safely in the tags. folding it back up)#(I see the typos & I hate em & I'm mad but I won't be doing anything about it. I'm sorry)#//#my posts
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All I want is to compile a list of my favourite lines from fics for this post, invent a system for organising the hundreds of fics that I've read to make that knowledge useful and for someone to tell me what the fuck was going on in IWTB because I'm not sorry I am not watching that mess again. Is that too much to ask for?
#re: IWTB like what is up with the ambiguous break up shit?#when I watched it when it came out I was busy being mad about a whole lot of things about it#but somehow I missed? they were breaking up? What?#speaking as the most diehard you can't tell me shit they love each other and will live happily ever after goddammit shipper you will meet#I feel like I would have picked up on them breaking up#I thought she was just pissy and saying she wasn't coming home while he was working the case because she couldn't be around that again#Like you do that Mulder while I GOOGLE stem cell research like a high school student but I'm sleeping at the hospital#Catch you on the flip side#and he was devastated because she didn't want to work with him when it was his first chance to do what he was good at again in years#but in their typical can't be more than 6 inches away from one another without losing their shit way#does the revival breakup give people that lens through which to view iwtb?#or am I just really missing the obvious here?#the x files#iwtb#i want to believe
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Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle
#I’m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER#I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family#I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get#home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep#she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM#and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late#she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘#BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon#(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to)#and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’#and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them#and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’#but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side#I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY#never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me#IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough#but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later#cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be#there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them#I’m going to scream I’m going to cry#if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them#but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave#FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL#and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother#I KNOW she did this on purpose#I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long#(again… because of work… something I can’t control)#so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position#where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then#or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much
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#skip to loafer#bruh#its 1:48 am and i decided to read the latest chapter#I just want what's best for shima and am glad mitsumi is giving him that?#aint mad about them going back to being..well..wont say it coz spoiler lol#but am just glad that it ended up like that?#shima needs to deal with a lot of things when it comes to himself tbh#also he needs to start thinking about himself more...just like mitsumi?#also am glad he met good ppl in hs that doesnt 'use' him ya know?#ugh#i wanna say more lmao but i'd rather go back to sleep now lol#anyways i love them and this healthy relationship that they have~#edits? with tags that are too long lmfao
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The vibe really deteriorated as the day went on, and now I'm sitting in bed, awake, feeling like garbage
#it was an okay weekend but i was jittery and numb for most of it#tried to write christmas cards for the first time in 2 years. cried while doing so and then had to lie down after i did 5#i got frustrated with the story i'm writing and considered dropping it or deleting the whole thing#spent friday alone pretty much all day which normally i'm fine with but for whatever reason made the loneliness really hit hard this time#spent all thanksgiving day waiting for a familial confrontation#got asked by my 6 year old nephew how old i was and then he followed up with 'well why arent you married what are you doing'#which i'm pretty sure is something he heard in a conversation someone else was having and he repeated it bc he's 6 fucking years old#which btw i don't hold against him or am mad at him about bc he's an innocent kid#but that made me feel really shitty#spent an hour today panicking about this dog virus#and in between all of that i was self diagnosing myself with mental illnesses#which made me feel awful bc it made gaslight myself in thinking maybe i wanted one?#which is so fucked up to the max and i'm so sorry for even putting that here#but i put this all here bc i could never have this conversation with people irl#they'd get too worried or they'd think i'm overreacting or i need to date or need to do something with myself besides read#i'm so sorry everyone#i'll try to be better#i just had to put this out somewhere#and i didn't put this in a journal bc my last entry sounds so teenagerish out of context i don't even want to look at it#anyway i have to try to sleep i have to go into the office early tomorrow#i'm sorry guys#i really am😔
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If it was like, a fucking Choice I wouldn't hate being awake all night nearly as much but when my Accursed Disease puts me on a nocturnal schedule whether I like it or not its just so hard to want to do anything it makes me so mad it fucking sucks. good god. its like seasonal depression cos i sleep right through all the fuckin daylight except i get to experience it every 2-3 weeks all year round:) yay:) kill me
#i have... stuff i want to do but everything feels so pointless when the entire world seems so dark and cold (metaphorically) and uncaring#i hate the quiet and i hate being alone and then going to sleep just before everyone wakes up and sleeping thru the time everyones awake#i usually try to fill my time with watching stuff so i can still hear human voices but it doesnt really help.#.pdf#kd#rd#n24 tag#sorry this is just me bitching im just mad that this is how i am and bitter that nothing fixes it for me like it seems to for other people#immensely jealous of those who dont have to deal with this.
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constantly edging myself by being too fucking tired to finish myself off
#this literally isn’t a joke it’s been like 4 days#incase anyone’s been wondering why i’m just not online. i am exhausted down to my bones#anyway if someone wants to take advantage of this and fuck me while i’m sleeping. i would not be mad.#oh nooooo i’m too tired to get you off. guess you’ll just have to use me to get yourself off. it’s only fair right.
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no one touch me someone just asked if they could bind my fic “a letter to your old address” into a book
HUH??? WHAT?????? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#THATS SO COOL WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LIKE MY FICSO MUHC YOU WANT TO PRESERVE IT PHYSICALLY AND NOT ONLY PRINT IT BUT BIND IT ASWELL#ON THE FLOOR SOBBING#sorry I need to yell about this here I just#cannot believe this#i love this community and how creative everyone is and it means the world when people get creative with my work#okay that’s all I’m gonna go scream a little more by myself okay bye#mad ramblings#I feel insane#like no one HAS to draw stuff based on my stories or bind my fic into a little book but here you guys are#doing it anyway#just because#it’s midnight how am I supposed to sleep now
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