#i am so anxious to post this one actually bc ik it will be taken as shipping but it is what it is

[aresonist]

(/p) shout out to lovely by twenty one pilots

[roachemoji]

can someone put out A hit on me but instead of killing me they just come and hold me. a hired thug for a hired hug

[funkylittledemon]

autism and emotions is so.... well it fucking sucks is what it is. i need my mind to slow down for a second to get all these thoughts down bc i will explode if i dont get them out there (hence why this post - only bee is gonna see this & knows me enough to be worried for more than an hour or so and if i put this where nobody can see it aint actually out there) (wassup bee dw i am okay)

anyway

i say that life is just getting to me rn and it is but thats too vague a statement. current affairs (an impartial term but a useful one here) are getting to me - I'm trying to navigate adulthood while it feels like the life i was promised is being taken away by whatever event you want to pick; global warming, late-stage capitalism, multiple genocides, the list goes on. and I'm one of the lucky ones!! how fucked up is that! so there's that constant stress hanging above my head.

then there's more abstract life: navigating uni and living alone and looking after myself while forming relationships and starting to try carve a path for myself. this one isn't as bad but still can't be ignored and the fact that interpersonal relationships have become so scrutinised through social media doesn't help. no matter the insecurity you have or your own specific factors there will be someone online telling you your worst fears are right - i cant say how many times ive scrolled past a reel saying that i havent had a message back because "he" doesn't care. does the person saying this even know I've seen it, let alone who i am or who "he" is? No!! but the sentiment sticks with you despite only seeing it for 3 seconds before scrolling on, despite logically knowing it can't apply to me because its a catch-all statement to everyone who feels insecure pushed onto us by an algorithm that thinks we want to hear that. social media is feeding into our fears and insecurities and we can't stop it. as an autistic person whos insecure as fuck and who knows they dont understand a lot of societal cues being told by some random person that im right to be insecure really doesn't help - i get the idea of something stuck in my head and bc i know its bs i try get it out which cements it further into my mind and lends it credence.

then there's uni itself - i am now faced with the realisation that everything leading me up to uni and my course has been about me helping other people, often to my own detriment. i chose a counselling course because i was always the therapist friend, the one who everyone else went to for help. and wouldn't you know it I've been burnt out for years and literally don't have it in me to help strangers, or give a shit about their lives. i cared so much and made my entire life about helping other people that i had no idea what i wanted to do. im switching to just psychology now, because it is interesting and i do enjoy it but im kind of lost now i dont have that purpose. it also scares me just how much of my life hadn't been about me at all and im still not sure who i am if im not helping someone. obviously thats the dramatic version but you get the gist. uni's been a wakeup call i wasn't prepared for and theres the work and exams on top of that

christ this is long. okay. what else was there. emotions. god i hate emotions. this is the hard bit. all my emotions are so so big and i am so so small and it feels like they would devour me whole if they could. anxiety is a big one. recently pretty much all ive been feeling is anxiety - a deep anxiety that makes me nauseous pretty much 24/7. last week on friday i had what i call a breakdown. i still dont understand it (which is scary enough - every other breakdown i can disect and point to the cause). i just sarted screaming in the middle of the street and couldn't stop and its making me anxious just typing this up. then there was a day of panic attack after panic attack (lost count after the 4th i think) and then a few days later and some bad decisions (booze. ik i shouldn't have drank but i thought i was ok to drink) i had another breakdown. i dont remember much of this one but it ended in me being locked out and sobbing - security had to let me in and it must've been bad bc the guy gave me a card with hotlines on it. (again, i am okay). i lost my leather jacket that night which both sucks bc i loved that jacket and also the fact that it's gone is a constant reminder of something im ashamed of. after that it was just this constant nauseating anxiety, occasionally spiralling into something more but not significant enough to include. the thing about me and emotions is that my strategy for dealing with them is to ignore and repress them until they're not my problem anymore. which is bad. but idk how to cope with them healthily and when i feel okay i never know if its because i repressed them again or because i genuinely feel okay. being around other people helps but thats probably not a great thing - i hide my emotions from other people to avoid being a burden. not that its always a bad thing that my friends make me feel better its just not a sustainable approach to constantly avoid being alone. i have this constant struggle of feeling emotions so intensely then feeling shame because of how intensely i felt those emotions or how they made me act.

going on from emotions fucking me over and moving on from Life being an issue anxiety is a fucking bitch. all my life I've felt like an outsider and so constantly nervous about everything. it was hell and then in 6th form i made friends who were so so confident and i finally started to relax a little bit more and not feel bad about taking up space. uni was even better! i had flatmates i loved and i was going out doing things I'd never dreamed of and i was making friends!! i barely recognised myself and i loved it!! then the breakdown happened and i was plunged headfirst back into the old cycle of anxiety and going back to that after feeling what life could be like? that was worse than the breakdown. it feels like ive never felt worse and the knowledge that theres no reason for it, that nothing had actually changed other than me and i could still be out there with confidence but i wasn't was such a crushing feeling it felt like i was never gonna feel okay again. dramatic i know but the truth.

im home for easter break now and typing this out has helped and going back to my old stomping grounds has shown me i have still changed and i do still have the confidence even if i couldn't access it for a hot min. I'm still anxious but thats okay. my emotions don't have an all poweful spell over me and anxiety can suck my dick. there's still the fear that I'll go back to uni and it'll all come rushing back however im just gonna see how this break goes. im gonna be alone whether i like it or not while im down here and if i can manage to be okay with that then I'll be fine. and i do have a support system both here and up at university.

[jacksallys]

ik u haven’t updated ur carry on au in a while but i just read it all in one sitting and wanted you to know i loved it since i saw the note at the end saying to come talk to u about it

ur characterization is so spot on and the dialogue and just like EVERYTHING about is soooo

like as someone who used to be hfxed on both carry on and 5sos/muke i’m like this fic makes me want to die So So So Much (/pos if i didn’t make it clear) 😭❤️

oh fuck hello !!!! this was so so unexpected actually thank you so much. i am so fucking glad u enjoyed it actually !!! ngl i don’t know if i’ll ever actually finished it, kinda taken a step back from fic writing & posting in general bc it started making me super anxious however stuff like this REALLY makes me consider actually writing chapter 4. i get that tho i literally wrote the fic bc i was hyperfixated on 5sos and carry on at the same time and luke gave me huge simon snow energy so <3

again, so so fucking glad u enjoyed it and tysm for telling me?? this means so much <3

[shirotanis]

ok so i was looking forward to doing this and i’m glad it is done eventually ! to make long words short, i recently hit a great follower goal and the number keeps increasing and i’m ??? bc its weird but i’m thankful to everyone following me nonetheless💕💕💕 i’ve had this blog for a month and something but i’ve met a lot of wonderful people whom i grew to love and care for!!!!! some i havent interacted as much as others but i hope to get to know you all in the near future 💖💖💖 ��

if your url is bold go take a look at the very end where it says ‘read more’ bc there’s a few words for you 💖💕💞💓💖💓💞💓

also i’m pretty sure i have more mutuals but they are sideblogs and idk whats their main to check if they follow me or not but pls know that i didnt forget or that i didnt want to include you!!!!

#: 

@4fnc // @4zammy 

a-g:

@cryogonal-jonghyun // @daypjh // @dojooned // @dojooon // @dowoonhtml // @from-roses-to-dojoon // 

h-j:

@howcaniwait // @ijustcantlie // @iwooseong // @jaeheyong //

k-r:

@lipstick-chathao // @mirinae-x // @rxsewoosung

s-z:

@saekkisongarak // @sangdoldol // @savageday6 // @shelovesjinyoung // @smolpil // @softwoonie // @tasteless-ratatouille // @tennisanon // @thedarksideofthewoon // @thedaysix // @ttherose // @theroseofficial // @wattela // @wonpixel // @woosung-is-my-aesthetic // @woosungs-blackrose // @woosammv // @younghyuuns // @youngks-smile 

@4fnc: oK GIA MY LOVE!!!!! i have sO much to say about you my best absolute perfect !!!! ok first of all we’ve been friends for like, 3 years??? this is the longest friendship i’ve had and it started out so weird like? i was a bts blog and you were an exo blog aND THEN I BECAME AN EXO BLOG AND YOU BECAME A BTS BLOG but over the years, we grew to stan other groups, i parkoured more than you and i admit ;;;;;;  ok but i still remember your most legendary post “my mom bought me cock heck yea - wAIT NO I MEANT COKE NOT COCK WHY WOULD MY MOM BUY ME COCK” and i’ll never let it die. you are such a beautiful person inside out i would have never thought i deserve you but !!! we’ve been together for so long and i hope we meet someday bc honestly? i wanna h*g you so much its a lil gross but,,, you mean so much to me honestly ok i’ll stop now i didnt even say everything i wanted to but i’ll keep that for another time ;)) i love our late night conversations about ??? whatever from memes to long appreciation hours about our faves to personal stuff its just so exhilarating to talk to you ily always gia 💞💞💞💞

@daypjh: oh oh oh my heart is turning into a puddle of joeliness rn thats how soft i am for you :(((((( honestly we have been talking for a few days but i feel like we’ve been friends for years??? when we started talking i was taken aback bc 1) shIT jo noticed me ok gotta act cool 2) it was So comfortable and So smooth and i had so much fun my fist conversations with people tend to be a little awkward and i’m always anxious but with you ??? i was so chill for some reason!!!! also you are the purest jae stan? the softest of them all and i know how much he means to you but you are a lil ho for the rest of day6 too i’m laughing you go all out with your trashiness;; i would have never thought i’d find someone with whom i share so many interests but here we are!! i’m so happy we started talking because i realised i was missing out on some gr8 stuff 👌👌 you are so funny our conversations never fail to make me smile whenever i feel down…i still wanna get to know you more tho but on another note i hope you stay happy !!!!! you deserve everything good i love you pls remember💓💞💓  

@howcaniwait: my fave charcoal 💞 i know we havent interacted that much but i consider you a friend, more than a mutual. you are so cute and funny too also youre so talented when it come to photography like ?? pure goals not even exaggerating!!! you love bri and sammy so much it makes my heart jump a lil :’’’) you also helped me with that friend issue when you didnt have to and i’m still thankful bc it helped me~ btw the way you interact with every single follower of yours is such goals yall like family asdjgldhs cute ;-; lets get to know each other more soon💖💖💖  

also a meme that is a very relative

@ijustcantlie: alice!!!!!!!! one of my fave blackroses 💓💓 i don’t have a lot to say about you bc i don’t know you well yet bUt i want to!!!! anyways your edits are so great they always leave me speechless i wish i had them skills tbh :

@rxsewoosung: hello dora 💕💕💕 in actuallity, he have exchanged a few asks only and thats about it but (though i wish we talk more one day)!!! you are so cute tbh i havent seen you around in a while but that’s bc the rose is kind of dead atm but as i was stalking your blog i realised how adorable you are!!!!you love the boys dearly and i cannot express how happy that makes me also you say i’m your fave woosung stan and that my blog contains a+++ content but same goes for you ;) woosung would be so happy to know such a nice person likes him so much plus your gifs are most pretty in my opinion i aspire to be like you💕 

@thedaysix: MY FAVE DAY6 BLOG HANDS DOWN!!!! bethany ily so much not to be that person but i would have never thought YOU out of ALL day6 blogs would follow me i probably cried a lil on the inside when i saw you had followed me and liked some of my stuff as well askflghlsd ok so basically i have said it before i think but i love and appreciate you so much ik i’m repeating myself lol but you are one of the funniest ppl i follow and your tags are the cutest shit they make me xtra soft 😭😭😭 btw callie is the cutest cat i wish i could cuddle the floof sighs 💓💓

@ttherose: The Blackrose Mom aka Olivia 💞💞💞 I can’t express my appreciation enough tbh ??? without you i doubt we’d exist on tumblr and i’m not even joking!!! i used to be intimidated by you because you are the mvp of the fandom but talking to you in the group chat i???wow you are so interesting and hilarious plus i love how you ALWAYS do your best to update us with everything the rose related and make memes at the same time i’m laughing thats the definition of dedication so i wanna say a big thank you for your hard work bc other fandoms lack what we have (a mom; i mean you) 💞

@woosung-is-my-aesthetic: OH HI FAKE SNAKE JANA oops i mean uuugggh lettuce :))) tbh i thought you were one of those chill stans when i followed you but karma is a bitch i guess bc you are pretty wildt and i like em wildt ;)))) oK I THINK you are one of the most precious ppl i wanna protect with all my heart :(( i love every single meme you send and everything you say is hilarious in one way or another also ??? you are a little trashy prince for shinee and you know i love that about you plus i appreciate the mysme dose on my dash thanks to you my trashy ass wants to download the game for the 4th time :/ one thing i love about you is the mom mode you always like “whO DO I NEED TO FIGHT WHO HURT YOU MY CHILDREN” and that makes my heart blast into outer space and make a colony on mars askflghslahs i’m 2 soft 4 you always thanks for all the help i appreciate it, really!!! and no matter what you do or say i’ll never consider you ‘dark’ you are a lil kitty in need of affection uwu 💖💖 and i’ll only eat pineapple pizza for you but i know i’ll regret it :

@woosammv: 🗣️🗣️🗣️ THE CUTEST BROSE 🗣️🗣️🗣️ julia…you is that one person who is above the rest… like all the other normies are trash for the rose but you are the landfill and that makes you special aslgjhhlshaldhs ok but honestly you are such a great person, always making flawless gifs and keeping the fandom well fed sadly i dont have a lot to say bc we havent really talked but i hope we do soon but just so you know, ily and your blog  💕💕💕

[whentvsfly]

Rules: Answer the 20 Questions in a new post and tag the 20 blogs that you would like to get to know better!

Tagged by @pundeserving, and @acearadiamegido​ (oops. thanks u fucks)

Nickname: uh....a lotta ppl just call me Mac, but also that means people sometimes do shit like call me Mac Attack, Mac-klemore, Mac-aroni and Cheese, and other such things. also things like nerd and fucker but like uk

Pronouns: literally anything but she/her, but like mainly just they/them or he/him. They them is the most neutral feeling, and while it’s a little startling to be referred to as he/him it’s......rly nice.

Star Sign: Gemini binches

Height: 5′ 5.5″ yes i could round up but...look how nice those three 5′s look....

Time right now: 11:04 am. Just woke up like half hour ago and im ready for bed

Last thing I googled: ‘petco activated charcoal’ uhm. My mom wants to make a terrarium but I read u shud put activated charcoal in in there and it said you could get it from pet stores??? so i was checking

Favorite solo artists: hhhhh i dunno...im not sure who IS solo andshit ....

Song stuck in my head: most recent one was King by Lauren Aquilina

Last movie I watched: ....shrek 2

Last TV Show I watched:  bnha!! finally got caught up damn

When did you create your blog: well....my oldest post is 5 yrs old (26th of september of 2012 (it was a wednesday)) but I feel i may have made it a while before and just never posted anything heh

What kind of stuff do you post: memes, funny text posts, cute animals, funny videos/audio....pretty audio, a fuckton of mp100 at the mo god damn im in deep, sometimes art and writing of my own. Just. A mess of things

Do you have any other blogs: Nope. No sideblogs, we make a mess of our mains like men

Do you get asks regularly: like....sometimes? If i reblog enough of those ‘send me asks...’ posts i can get like. 1 or 2.

Why did you choose your URL: ok.....so waaay back when. There was a fosters home for imaginary friends online game. I was rly into cats, so when I made my imaginary friend on there i named her ‘flyiingkat’ (i think that’s how I spelled it). that was way back when i still used my moms email to do this shit pff.  Anyways, then I went onto club penguin and variations of ‘flying cat’ were taken so I was like. Fuck it. And named my lil penguin ‘flyingtv’. and then when I wentto make my OWN email i was like....hah lets have it be the same. so I did. and then my url became ‘when tvs fly’ because...i dunno, i couldn’t come up with anything better and now its my Brand (i still cant come up w anything better and I don’t like change)

Following: 190

Posts: hoo boy...109,136

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

Pokemon team: Mystic...rly should’ve been Instinct tho, hatching eggs is more my style and once someone told me I was literally Spark so...

Favorite colors: like...a lotta blues - light blue and teal and junk. and light green. Love me them blues n greens n sometimes yellow too

Average hours of sleep: uhmmm....7-9? because i stay up til fuckin 1-3 am and make myself wake up abt 10:30 so I dont miss out on friend time by sleeping away all morning and some afternoon. i do take a lotta naps so maybe its more like 8-12 hours of sleep w/ naps a day

Lucky number(s): i dunno but ive always loved the number 52....and i love 2 and 3. does 000 count cause i like that too.

Favorite manga characters: gosh...ive realy only read hxh and mp100 (ive...read like one (1) chapter of bnha but i....dont know the Names). Im love my main sons Killua and Shou, but also gon and shigeo and ritsu and teru and takenaka and tome and mezato and tsubomi and ....just so many ppl from mp100 are also my children. Also ik that basically all the kids from bnha will also be my children (except...that fuckin. perv kid hes not mine) but like...i havent.....read the manga yet........i was gonna do that after reading mp100..........i didnt anticipate getting hyperfixated before i could read it................

How many blankets do you sleep with: like......for naps - 1 or 2 (bc they small) and for actual night time sleep like. 2 or 3. A comforter or 2 for my main self and a lil blanket for my feet (if im at the dorms)

Dream job: one off them game devs. I wanna make video games. I should relly get on that.

Dream trip: fuckin...France looks nice and maybe I’d be able to actually use my 4 yrs of french for smth actually useful....but also a road trip with my friends to ...anywhere is also.......Nice

Who I tag: thinking abt tagging people is making me anxious! So just. If you wanna do it and u saw this u can say I tagged u.