#i am so unbelievably grateful and lucky that i got to play this game and this character with other players and a dm who Let me play this

[illegiblewords]

On FFXIV and the Devs

Listen, I know I’ve been mostly blogging FFXIV for the past couple years--but technically speaking this is my general blog. Some of my followers rn are from Final Fantasy XIV specifically, others are from well before that. I’m very lucky to have friends from lots of places so this is kind of talking to both for a sec.

Some of my past fandoms I think legitimately wound up traumatizing me a bit. Not everyone in them of course, but like. What [INSERT UNSPECIFIED FANDOM] ended up becoming? I started seeing people commit and endorse violent crimes against others over fiction. It became controversial to say you sincerely loved a character as an individual, shaped by all the life experiences they’d had. Wanting to see more of an individual character’s story for who they were and not just what they’d suffered was something I saw people get harassed over. And I’ve seen creators for that fandom behave in ways that were anywhere from lazy to apathetic to downright hateful. There was no joy or love for the characters themselves--only a desire to control and manipulate readers in other aspects of their lives. Final Fantasy XIV fans, overall, love the developers. For the first iteration of this game (so 1.0) it almost got canceled entirely because the way it was presented didn’t work. The devs created a storyline that amounted to a near apocalypse, and when they took things offline to revise/reboot the game? They presented it as the heroes falling to that near-apocalypse.

When 2.0/A Realm Reborn (the current starting point for the game) got brought back--that was a huge show of faith. Everything was revamped in a huge way, and the developers have continued to pay close attention to fan experiences in order to innovate and create new ways to improve quality. The fact that the game HAS achieved huge success at this point is after having overcome tremendous challenges across its lifetime. One of the biggest obstacles that players cited, the length of the first story arc, was even addressed when the devs came back to cut and streamline non-essential elements to eliminate drag. And, as I’m obligated to say as a FFXIV fan, there is a free trial now that goes not only through the entirety of A Realm Reborn but Heavensward too--with Heavensward being the first expansion and considered to be the point where things start getting really good and spicy.

But it goes beyond that too. See, when this past expansion (Shadowbringers) came out, the developers had been given an ultimatum by higher ups. The next race added to the game would be the last. The developers wanted to add a more bestial race option in the Hrothgar, but knew that players were DYING to get tall-and-pretty bunny people with Viera. They worked their asses off against the clock to make sure they had playable options for both Hrothgar and Viera, despite them having very limited hair options, initially no helms that would display, and gender locks. By this, I mean you could only play a female Viera and male Hrothgar. FFXIV hasn’t had gender locked races since 1.0 if I remember right. People got angry, especially given the races didn’t seem finished. But 1) a bunch of developers took extra, unpaid time to add as many helm options as they could before the game released so that players wouldn’t be left with nothing. They did this specifically out of their own creative passion, desire for a quality game, and love for fans. I cannot stress enough how huge this is. They put in SO MUCH EXTRA WORK just because they care. 2) The developers spent the time before next expansion ADDING MALE VIERA SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE FANS WANTED IT SO BADLY. They used the extra time and resources to unlock that option! I wouldn’t be surprised at all if we find they’ve fleshed out the options/polished up existing character design for Viera and Hrothgar as well. We have additionally been promised, in no uncertain terms, that female Hrothgar are coming too. They aren’t being released with the male Viera because this time the devs wanted to be able to make everything as polished as they can for release. They basically used the ultimatum they had before as a way to get their foot in the door as it was closing. They are now able to add to Viera and Hrothgar BOTH, when they’d previously been told they wouldn’t be allowed any further additions. This was, again, a passion move. Natsuko Ishikawa, meanwhile, got to helm the writing for Shadowbringers. It was her first time being a main force in the main scenario plotline. She previously wrote bits for regional plots, as well as the very popular storylines for Dark Knights and Alchemists. She received a standing ovation from fans when she faced them post-Shadowbringers release, and the positive reception reduced her to tears of gratitude. The developers make jokes, and do interviews with fans, and directly answer fan questions with thought and care and playfulness. They are truly humble people who love what they do and are respectful to their audience. Players have had critiques for the game, as folks will have critiques for all media. When the developers learn of critiques, by and large there is always a sense that they listen, consider, and do what they can to improve to the best of their ability and within reason. It’s not indiscriminate and they don’t always know about everything (there are a lot of fans and not all criticism is legitimate) but again. The respect and good intent are absolutely there. I am unbelievably grateful for this game and for the team behind it. It’s restored a lot of faith in people and in creators. The story and its characters are powerfully done. It has a tremendous amount of heart and as a game, it’s a joy to play. I’d strongly encourage people to try it out if you haven’t already. It’s just not something I take for granted, and I think it’s important to remember how fortunate FFXIV and its base are.

[badwithten]

doesn’t have to be a love story

〉yangyang x fem!reader

〉highschool au

〉word count 3.7k

〉warnings swearing, alcohol, vaping, violence? (not really)

 〉yangyang and y/n have been close for a long time but it didn't really make sense.  those two didn’t mix, especially if there was no romance involved. this is why their friends found it so hard to believe that this wouldn’t end in a relationship, it won't right?  

“Yangyang it's pretty obvious you like her” It's not the first time he's heard those words, and he's certain it won't be the last. I suppose it was strange around here for guys and girls to be friends without a relationship. But that's all it was, only a friendship.

“It's not like that” He groaned and turned his attention to the block of wood he was supposed to be cutting for his hard material class, so far it was not coming along how he wanted. But he didn't feel discouraged, Xiaojuns one was way worse.

“Why don't you just say something?” Xiaojun was pretty reluctant with this whole Y/N and Yangyang thing, convincing himself that they were the end game. But in Yangyangs eyes it just wasn't like that. 

You two became friends in your first year of high school after being sat at the same table in math. You found joy in his jokes about the teacher and he thought it was funny he had to help you with your math every five minutes. Admittedly he wasn't the best at it either. 

Although the constant comments from his friends regarding the relationship between you two got annoying, he understood where they were coming from. He had never had this close of a bond with a girl before, especially not with a girl and it didn't lead anymore. But you were different. You were kind, funny, you understood him, you listened and even cooked for him when his parents went away for the weekend. Even though he loved his group of friends, they were ‘the boys’. It was difficult talking to them about things, it made it hard to talk about emotions or what he enjoyed in fear of not fitting in. He was probably being ridiculous but either way, it didn't matter, because he had you to express his feelings with anyway.

What Yangyang didn't know was that you were also dealing with similar comments from your friends. They were suspicious about the amount of time you two spent together. Even after you explained to them, several times, that he was just a friend nothing more. They insisted that you make a move. It made sense to them, you were always complaining about being single, how you wanted someone in your life. The way you would describe the person you wanted, someone funny, caring, passionate and stood up for what they believed in. All those things were Yangyang, 

But that's not how you saw it, if you and him had gone out, it just wouldn't have worked. The friendship you had was too special to risk that. You will always be grateful for the late nights spent with him, only heading home when your mum calls you telling you she's going to bed. 

Maybe it was because you saw a different side of him. Yangyang, the class clown, who ditches class, doesn’t hand in homework and writes rap lyrics on his tests. But the Yangyang you knew was sensitive, he took into consideration his surroundings and how he affected others and despite what many people think, he was intelligent. The conversations you two had under the stars never left your mind.

The sun was too hot for you to be stuck in such an uncomfortable uniform for any longer than you had to, yet Yangyang was nowhere to be seen. You agreed to meet him outside the gym after the last period since that's where his class would be, and he still managed to be late. This isn't surprising, he had PE. Five minutes after the bell goes, he and Ten finally pile out of the gym, the rest of their class nowhere to be seen. 

“Hey Y/N” Ten skips over with Yangyang trailing behind. He pulls you into a hug, you watch Yangyang roll his eyes from over Tens shoulder, causing you to laugh. “What's funny?”

Ten pulls away to look at you two but no one makes a move to say anything. “Well have fun on your date you two” Before you can get a word in to defend yourself he leaves, slapping Yangyang on the ass for good measure before dashing towards the front of the school.

“They’re still going on about that?” You and Yangyang finally make your way out the back of the school to start the long journey home. 

“Yeah don't worry about it, you know what they're like” You hum in agreement, not wanting to dwell on the awkward subject. Although you were both forced to hear these remarks every day, it was a different story when the other was with you. It just made things weird. Which caused even more confusion, you both strongly denied that you had any feelings, if so why did it make things awkward?

“Why did you get held in any way?” 

“Me and Ten kept getting balls stuck in the roof so we had to pack up” 

“On accident?” 

“Oh yeah definitely on ‘accident’. And you know what Mrs Hooper is like, doesn't like to have fun” You let out a laugh and rub your eyes, you forgot what he was like. You continue walking towards your usual hang out spot, the park down the road from his house. Stopping at the corner store first, getting drinks and chips to snack on.

“These pringles taste like ass” You look down in disbelief at the whole container of BBQ pringles that you had just bought after Yangyangs suggestion. “Why did you tell me to get these?”

“Well I think they're nice” He reaches over the table and snatches the container away from you.

“You baited me into buying you chips!”

“Not my fault you're slow” He gives you a cheeky smile and downs a few pringles followed by his redbull.

“Unbelievable”

“What's your speech on?” You almost jump out of your seat, not expecting Yangyang to come whisper such things in your ear. 

“I haven't decided yet, I've just been playing the snake game” You look around the room to see where the teacher is, yet you can't see him anywhere, the reason why Yangyang is standing beside you.

“I know I've been watching you” He sits down in the empty chair next to you. “You could always write about me you know?”

“Yangyang, I love you” He leans forward, resting his head on his hand and batters his eyelashes. “But no”

“Tsk your lost” As the teacher walks into the room he quickly stands to head back to his original seat across the class. 

“Yangyang, what are you doing out of your seat?” Mr Smith, a usually pretty chill teacher, still didn’t appreciate people mucking around when he's gone.

“Y/N needed help, sir” Your eyes go wide and you stare down Yangyang, he has the biggest smile across his face.

“Why didn't you say so? I'll be there soon Miss L/N '' You turn and mouth to Yangyang.

‘I hate you’

“Aren't you cold?” Yangyang asks, you can hear in his voice that he himself is shivering from the cold, despite the fact he has a jacket on. 

“A bit but what am I supposed to do about it?”

“I got an idea” You expect him to offer you his jacket, or maybe his sweatshirt. But instead, you just get pain.

“Ow! Yangyang, did you just punch my leg?” You reach down and rub the spot he just hit, it wasn't that painful but you liked to play it up. 

“It'll burn up now, you're welcome” Even though it's pitch black, you just know that he has the biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

“I think I should head home now, we have school tomorrow” You stand up and pat down your slightly damp leggings from the dewy grass. Yangyang also scrambles to his feet.

“Wait if this is because of the punch I’m sorry” 

“No, what the, it's just I have to walk home and it's already so dark” You pick up your bag and head towards the footpath out of the park. His house is on the way towards your house so you always end up dropping him home first,

“I don't wanna leave yet, my parents aren't home, it's scary living by yourself” You stop in your tracks, unable to believe what he just said.

“If your parents' aren't home, then why have we been sitting out in the cold for the past 3 hours?” You hear the rustle of his jacket, indicating he simply just shrugged. “Oh my god, Yangyang. Do you want me to stay with you tonight?”

“Yes please,” You don't mind the idea of spending all night with him, especially if it means you don't have to walk all the way home. As you turn into his street you realize you've ever actually been to his house before, despite the countless times he showed up at your door. You were caught slightly off guard at how nice the place was, you don't know what you were expecting but something about Yangyang didn't exactly scream fancy. 

“Wow your place is really nice Yangyang” You comment as you take off your shoes at the door, the warmth comforting from the chill you had gotten.

“Thanks” Yangyang heads straight to the kitchen and you follow, unsure what to do with yourself. “Do you want anything to eat? We should probably make tea”

“Well, what is there?” He walks around the counter and opens up the fridge.

“Not a lot” You move around to look over his shoulder and are disappointed at what you see.

“Why is there only grapes?” 

“I don't know, grapes are good.” He grabs out the grapes and starts popping them into his mouth, unfazed by the fact that there's there's no real food in his fridge, apart from various condiments.

“How long have you been home alone for?” 

“A couple of nights”

“And you've been eating grapes the whole time?” He nods and continues eating. “Should I make some proper food?”

“Yeah, I can't cook”

“Pasta?”

“Yeah but I don't like onion or garlic, or tomatoes really” You sigh and rub your face, this was going to be a long night.

You and Yangyang weren't the best at being organised, meaning you left his house at eight am, it took forty-five minutes to walk to school, and school started at eight-thirty. Luckily for you, you had art first, meaning there was no real pressure to get to school on time. Not so lucky for Yangyang who had studies of society. You get to school and part ways. You know you'll see him throughout the day but your conversations are never as good when other people are around. 

You get to the art room and the teacher says good morning, no comment about being late although you know you'll hear all about it from Ten when you see him sitting by himself.

“Morning,” You say as you drop your bag down. “Where's Winwin?”

“Sick apparently” He shrugs and focuses on the work in front of him, carefully shading in the portrait of himself with charcoal. “And someone had to leave me all alone this morning”

“It was fifteen minutes” You roll your eyes and wander off to get your art from the folder up the front, it's not your best piece but it'll get you a pass. A portrait of Harry Styles.  “I can't believe they let you do yourself for this”

“Why would I not be allowed to?” You sit down next to him and start working right away. 

“The project was a charcoal portrait of someone you look up to or who inspires you” 

“Yeah, I look up to myself” You laugh at his confidence, something you wish you had. You can't blame him though, the photo he chose is very flattering. And Ten is talented, it's coming out like a masterpiece.

“You like shit by the way” Ten is known for not holding back his comments, but even then he always catches you off guard.

“Thanks” 

“You know what I mean”

“Yeah yeah. I stayed at Yangyangs last night and didn't have any of my stuff” Ten groans and turns in his seat to look at you deeply. 

“Y/N this is frustrating. Do you like him or not?” 

“We've been over this a hundred times Ten, no I don't like him” Ten Reaches forward and presses the back of his hand onto your cheek.

“Then why is your face heating up?” Your eyes go wide and you rest your head on your arms face down on the desk. You hear Ten laughs as he begins rubbing circles into your back. “You're allowed to have feelings for him you know?”

“But I just don't want to ruin our friendship, he's special to me”

“So you do like him?”

“Ugh, Ten I don't know!” Your voice is louder than expected and the class turns to look at you, embarrassment bubbles up more in your stomach as you stare down at your desk.

“Y/N, Chittaphon. Quiet down.

“Sorry Sir”

“Yangyang, why are you fifteen minutes late to class?”

“Sorry Miss, I had a guest round this morning and lost track of time”

“Ok just make sure you catch up, get Kun to explain the work to you” She sighs and flicks him away with his wrist, he hurriedly moves to the back of the class where Kun is sat, as well as a couple other kids.

“I thought you were home alone, who did you have round?” Yangyang is surprised Kun even heard what he said to the teacher, but apparently, it's one of his many talents. 

“Y/N stayed '' He immediately regrets saying anything but he knows he won't be able to lie for long either way.

“How was it?” 

“Fine” Kun looks over expecting more of a reply than that. “I don't know man, she made me pasta and we watched a movie. Nothing happened.”

“She made you food? She must be whipped.”

“What?”

“In creative catering, she wouldn't even let me try her icing to see what it was supposed to taste like. Mine ended up being sour.”

“Ok, so she cooked for me? That doesn't mean anything”

“Hmm sure,” Kun turns back to his history assignment.

“Wait tell me what it means”

“God, are you that thick?” When Yangyang just stares at him blankly he drops his head. “She likes you”

“She does?”

ten: did yangyang talk to you this morning

ten: about anything

ten: specifically y/n?

kun: Maybe? Why? Did she talk to you about anything

kun: He just told me she cooked for him

ten: y/n never cooks for anyone

ten: did he not pick up on that?

kun: Ikr 

kun: He seemed happy to hear that she likes him

ten: should i tell her that he likes her as well?

kun: Go for it

kun: Nothing will happen otherwise

The next day you managed to get to class on time, although you can't say the same for Yangyang. You walk into a semi-full class and head to the back to join Ten and Lucas, accounting was boring and you never understood anything but Lucas managed to make things bearable. Ten, well he mainly made things worse. 

“Y/N, exciting news” Was the first thing said to you by Ten which usually meant it wasn't good news. You groan as you sit down, already feeling defeated.

“What is it?” Lucas seems more excited than you to hear about this.

“Yangyang finally admitted his feelings for Y/N”

“What?” You sit up straight, unable to believe the words you're hearing. Ten has a grin and Lucas is laughing harder than you've ever seen him laugh before. “Are you serious?”

“What's wrong with that?”

“Ughh” You rub your eyes hard enough you're sure that they're red. “I just, I don't know”

“You like him don't you? Isn't this a good thing?” Ten has gotten a bit more serious, not expecting you to be so upset by this news. 

“Yes but, I don't know, can we talk about something else please?”

You're also surprised at this news, you never thought you liked Yangyang. In fact, you were so certain you didn't like him. But finding out that maybe you do? It changes everything. Him liking you back only makes things more real. You would think you'd be happy at this news but you don't know. That's the only way to describe things right now. Confused. Yes, you like him, he likes you back. That should be the end of the story. But maybe not. Things are different and you don't know why. It's impossible for you to sleep with all these thoughts rushing. It's even harder for you to go to school without your friends bombarding you with a million questions about Yangyang. You wouldn't mind if it was something else, but you're so unsure of your feelings you don't know how to answer. You're certain Yangyang would have been told you like him as well, Yangyang has more confidence than you and you wouldn't be surprised if he made a move. The thought of him doing so makes you anxious, you don't want him to confess, you don't want to say yes, you don't want it. 

Your phone lights up the darkroom. A text from Yangyang, a perfect distraction from your sleepless night. 

yangx2: hey

yangx2: wanna go for a walk after school tomorrow?

yangx2: i need to get some supplies for class

y/n: sorry i’m not feeling very well

y/n: idk if i’ll be at school tomorrow

yangx2: damn :/

yangx2: get better soon

yangx2: i have to go with lucas :(

y/n: haha you’ll be fine

You didn't show at school for the rest of the week, being too ‘sick’ to do so. Every time a text would come through from Yangyang asking how things were, the conversation would die as quickly as it started thanks to your dry replies. You didn't know how to feel, didn't know what to do. Ignoring him was the only way for you to process your emotions right now. You just needed time. You couldn't be off of school forever, but thankfully it was over soon. It gave you two weeks to sort your shit out. During those two weeks, Yangyang stopped reaching out. You felt bad for giving him false hope but you knew this was what was best. Well, at least you thought so. Maybe things would have worked out in a different life. But right now, it wasn't the right time.

When school started again you were nervous, it was a fresh start. You hoped time just sorted things out. You walked up to the front of the school where you usually meet with everyone. Ten arrived first, then Xiaojun, Winwin next, Kun and Yangyang arrived together and Lucas was probably off at the skatepark vaping with Hendery. Surprisingly things went well, too well.

Everything was back to normal, almost normal. It wasn't awkward with Yangyang, but things weren't right. And you could tell. You two were not as close, he didn't come to annoy you during English, or invite you to his hard materials class to bully Xiaojun. He wasn't Yangyang around you anymore. You were scared you ruined things but maybe he just needed time as well. You hoped that was all, you didn't want to lose someone like him.

The sleepout at Lucas’ you were all hanging out in a heated up way too quickly, with a mixture of sweaty drunk guys and various flavours of vape clouding the room. You couldn't bear to be in there any longer, deciding to slip out the back and sit on the deck outside. The air was harsh but it was a nice contrast to the hot smoke from the room within. Your cheeks were burning hot so the crisp air made it relaxing. You weren't out there for very long until another person escaped the room as well, Yangyang.

“Hey,” You say as he sits down next to you, it wasn't that you didn't want to see him, but it was the first time you two had been alone for a while, especially since he was a bit tipsy.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, it was just hot in there. Are you ok?”

“I'm great.” He looks at you as smiles brightly and you laugh, you miss seeing his face more often.

“Oh yeah,” You entertain his drunk ways and talk to him like a child. “What's got you in such a good mood?”

“I was talking to Nina on the phone”

“Nina?” 

“The girl I like remember, I'm gonna ask her out soon” Your heart sinks and you start to feel sick, although you're not sure if it's from the alcohol or this news. Jealousy spikes within you but you don't know why you have no right to be upset when you pushed him away. You feel stupid for believing that he ever liked you. Ten was just a troll wasn't he? He got you to ghost one of your closest friends who wasn't even interested in you. Thinking back to it, Yangyang always showed signs of liking Nina that he never did to you. Calling her pretty, defending her, buying her food. Yangyang never did that for you despite the fact you were so close. Your heart breaks, even more, knowing you never wanted it in the first place.

“Oh” You try to hide your pain through a smile, he would have been able to pick up if his senses were not blurred.

“Yeah she's great”

“I'm glad to hear that Yangyang, you deserve someone like her in your life”

“Hmm” It turns awkward, you don't know what else to say. Instead, you just stand and head inside. You need another drink to get through the night.

“You ok? I went to look for you at Lucas’ the other night but Ten said you left” Yangyang took you off guard as he pulled up a chair to sit by you in English. 

“Oh yeah, I just wasn't feeling well” It wasn't lying, you just didn't say why you didn't say why. If he asks you'll say that you ate something funny. But in reality, you felt awful because of him. You swallow hard and bring yourself to say the next words. “Hows Nina?”

“Oh, I finally did it” His smile is bigger than anything you've ever seen on him, his eyes brighter than ever before. And it suits him. Being happy suits him. You know you'll never be able to bring him that, but Nina can. Nina suits him.

“Congratulations, I'm proud of you Yangyang” It hurts you to say that but you need to. You have to because you can't be angry at him, you can't. You left him. You ghosted him. Even if he didn't like you, it was a shitty thing to do as a friend. You thought you were so lovable that he had to have a crush on you, but in reality, it was nothing more than a friendship. Not everything turns into love, does it?

[otheenglishsetters]

WIP (AKA, I never published my work on Tumblr before and I am TERRIFIED)

Hello! I finally gave in and splurged on a Xbox this year, which may have also coincided with my rising anxiety and boredom since I’ve decided to take a year off of college (my senior year to be exact). Luckily, my boyfriend and friends, knowing how I tend to throw myself into fictional worlds when I am stressed had recommended to me this sweet little game series. It was filled with space and wonder and characters so wonderful that they will make your heart hurt.

That, dear readers, was Mass Effect. 

I had already played a little of the first game of the original trilogy at the very beginning of 2020 at my boyfriend’s house, long before all of my post-college plans came crashing down (as did the world too!) 

So I finally invested my time (and money) into Mass Effect Andromeda in November of 2020. Let me tell you, after loosing control over everything else in my life [laying panicked in bed, constantly praying that the pandemic would not claim the life of my middle aged father after already losing my mother to lung cancer just two years prior], it was unbelievably refreshing to be able to have some resemblance of control in this fictional world (And yes, I realize that this is a video game and of course I have control). And the fact that what Bioware was doing was...pretty freaking great.

So, I apologize if this is coming off a pity-party, I promise, it isn’t supposed to be. It’s more like I had just finished my first playthrough of my first videogame ever and I am filled with feelings and emotions. I never post original content on Tumblr, and that’s mostly because I got scared off posting my work after receiving mean-spirited reviews when I posted my fanfiction on Fanfiction.com years and years ago (which is fair, because looking back my work wasn’t that great, but holy crap I was 14 guys!) I have not written creatively since my high school creative writing class in senior year, but this game and this winter, I thought I would try? And hopefully get to connect with other fans? Let me know what you guys think; I’m planning to add more chapters/content soon. Okay, I’ll quit rambling...

He notices that she tends to have a lazy eye. He’s not sure when exactly he notices this, but it’s becoming more and more apparent.

Which is not a problem, absolutely not. In fact, he thinks it’s adorable in a way, especially when she’s tucked into a pillow and loudly craving sushi. 

“I wondered if she was mocking me,” Keema notes one day. Out of all the Angara Reyes has had the pleasure to meet, she still seems one of the few who can truly read humans in a non-lateral sense. Her favorite so far was when she discovered the music genres of both EDM and metal in the same day, “it wasn’t until I was approving shipping orders from the docks the other day I realized why. The Pathfinder needs glasses.”

She also loses control of her lazy eye, it seems, mostly at night, usually by 2300 hours standard time. 

“I’ve been reading studies about team bonding.”

He hums as he rubs her back. Sara, despite commenting on the numerous things she’s done throughout her day, seems wired and intent on rambling. He’s okay with that. More than okay, it’s been years practically since either of them has had a free moment to even been able to just relax in bed and daydream. They probably both haven’t been able to enjoy this luxury since they were…teens? Finishing school and about to launch themselves into the military? For him, he figures it was before that, probably when he decided to work for that florist at 12. Sara gives bits and pieces of her life in the Milky Way but he thinks she was definitely a kid who tried to ‘help’ C-Sec with their cases, constantly looking for ways to help people in any way she can. He smiles. It’s probably a never-ending itch for her. 

And now? He’s just content that he convinced her to come down to Kadara to ‘inspect Ditaeon’, or whatever bullshit she told Tann. Luckily, it seems that life is, slower? No, that’s not it, people are more than excited to create themselves anew here. Stores and trading posts are popping up everywhere and another hospital has just been built in Prodromos. There’s practically a whole shopping district in Kadara now, with outdoor venues and a movie theater that plays cinema classics every night. It’s more like they both are finally properly settled into their positions, like when a CEO is situated in a new company. Sure, the CEO may face numerous problems at first, especially if it’s during a recession or the company is about to go bankrupt. The CEO may even have to intimidate secondary managers and fight to gain respect; however, once the dust settles, whilst there may be everyday problems, it’s nothing compared to what it used to be. Usually, these problems are solved by lunchtime, mid-morning if either of them are lucky.

In the old days, when she appeared to be this amped up, Reyes would subtly (or not so subtle, it depends on how you look at it), swoon her until they had sex. It probably didn’t feel that way at the time, but sometimes Reyes cringes when he thinks of how rushed their attempts at romance used to be. Back then, they didn’t know how long she would be in the area and they would race to make the most of the evening. Now he wonders how much he used to unconsciously push aside the thought that either one of them could be dead the next day. 

Errrr. Negative bedtime thoughts. Not good for sleepytime. 

“Darling?”

“Yes?”

“Are you listening?”

“You were just telling me how you were reading various theses on social exchange theory but then you were already anxious about the thing that you have yet to tell me so you decided to read something familiar like one of the works by Dr. Brené Brown,” he pauses to give a quick glance at the data pad in his right hand. “Mi cielo, I have been informed to tell you that your contacts have been delivered as they were just sent in, along with the rest of the Tempest’s supplies, this morning.” 

He liked to think he was a good boyfriend.

“I hate when you do that.”

“What?” Listen? Dearest, it’s part of the job description as your lover. Speaking of, remind me to pick up toilet paper tomorrow.”

“No, multitask.”

He sighs and reaches up into the upper center of her back. Oof, she really is tense there. “You do it too.”

“Not at nighttime!” She scowls and rubs her eyebrow. “Ew, when did I become an old prune as soon as it gets dark?”

He starts tenderizing the hard muscle. Mentally, he makes a note to remind her later when she’s not grumpy to do her prescribed yoga. “We’re all getting older dear. I’m thirty-one and the other day I heard my knees crack.” 

She was silent. Any other fool would think that she was lost in thought while others would be jealous of the close bond she shares with her AI. Honestly, Reyes is just grateful she spends any of her time with him, let alone his bed. And if she occupies a part of it in a mental showdown with SAM, who is he to complain. 

“SAM thinks you should get an appointment. Even if Dr. Nakamoto is busy, there’s plenty of others who are just as qualified. Also, I think Peebee and Jaal are sleeping with each other.” 

  Both he and Sara know the in(s) and the outs of their jobs so well by now, that he can probably predict easily what his men will ask for even before the message is downloaded on his office’ terminal. However right now, as Reyes stops reading a report on corn being grown on Havarl that he already skimmed over this morning over his huevos rancheros, all he can think about before checking to see if he is correct is how her left non-dominant eye is floating far out to the side. 

Hmmm, who knew fraternization would be cutting into his beauty sleep? 

*************************************************

If you made it this far, thanks so much for checking this out! I apologize for any grammar mistakes. If you’re confused, this is set to take place three years after the Hyperion first makes contact with the Nexus in the Andromeda Galaxy. I was just so intrigued by the dialogue between Jaal and Peebee. And then, after the initial curiosity, I was about to forget about it when I came across some interesting dialogue while driving the Nomad...

Jaal: Vetra, I catch Peebee looking at me. Frequently.

Vetra: Peebee likes new shiny things. Uhh… and why not? You’re genuinely interesting.

#

Jaal: Vetra, remember when I told you that Peebee was looking at me? Frequently?

Vetra: Yeah? Is it getting annoying? Want me to say something?

Jaal: No, no, no. It’s… just that… lately, I find myself… looking back. 

Vetra: Huh.

**

So of course I had to dig into that! And what better way to do so than by using my new favorite ship: Reyes and Sara? (Domestic times!)

Anyways friends, hopefully my writing isn’t awful and you enjoyed yourselves. I may wake up in the morning and delete this. Who knows. 

Have a great day guys!

[blu-joons]

You Get Lost In The Airport ~ Min Yoongi

Your heart was pounding as you entered the airport, walking down the steps from the airplane. Yoongi’s hand held you tightly, feeling your body tremble at his touch.

“Stay with me,” he pleaded, bringing your hand to his lips, kissing the back of it softly. “I’ll look after you, I promise.”

He placed his sunglasses firmly on the bridge of his nose, you doing the same. You clung to his hold for dear life, terrified of all the cameras and fans you could already hear from outside. The noise was deafening, only terrifying you more as you began to catch sight of all the Army, desperate for a glimpse of their idols.

“Feeling okay?” Yoongi asked, looking back to check on you as you neared the airport door. “I’ve got you, and I won’t let you go,” he assured.

“Please don’t let go of me Yoongi, I’m scared.” He frowned, pulling you closer towards him. His hands came up, wiping the tears that threatened to spill away. “There’s so many of them, I’m not used to all of this, I don’t know what to do.”

He always worried about you in these kinds of situations, you didn’t ask for this lifestyle, you just did it because you loved him.

“Whatever you do, just keep walking, we will try and huddle together, stay in the middle of all of us. I promise, nothing will happen to you, I won’t let it.”

Every word he spoke was reassuring, Yoongi had never let anything bad happen to you before, what was so different about now?

“You have no idea how grateful I am to have you come on all these tours and trips with us, I know this isn’t the ideal situation for you, but it means a lot you’re willing to do it, for me.” You smiled, feeling his lips press to your own. The doors slid open, Namjoon taking the lead, pushing his way through the crowds.

“I love you,” you whispered across, watching him begin to walk. He couldn’t hear your whispers; his focus was on getting you safely through the crowd. He used his spare hand to create a pathway for you both, Jin on your left, Jimin on your right.

You kept your head down, your eyes followed his feet for guidance, one step at a time until you were through the crowd. Any time you saw a BTS crowd you were overwhelmed by how big the fanbase was. They adored you, and cared for you, but that never stopped you worrying.

As you reached the middle of the crowd, the pressure of all the bodies surrounding you grew, your palms got clammy from the anxiousness, feeling Yoongi’s grip lightly slip away slowly. You desperately tried to keep a hold on him, shouting for him to try and get a better grip on your hand, but the screams were too loud.

Seconds later, you fell away, tumbling back slightly, watching as the rest of the boys were ushered through the crowd leaving you there.

His heart stopped. A cold shiver ran down his spine, his fingers reached out trying to feel your hand, but instead all they felt was emptiness. His mind raced, spinning on his heels, despite the boys’ attempts to keep him moving.

“Y/N!” He shouted, his eyes desperately scanning for you in amongst the crowd. “Jagi!” The airport was huge, your tiny frame could have been anywhere. Yoongi knew how scared you were, he dreaded to think what was going through your mind as you were swallowed within the crowds.

He ran through, pushing whoever was in his way, eyes darting anywhere they saw someone resembling you. A few fans tried to point him in the right direction, but he wasn’t listening, the only thing he needed to hear was your voice.

He was entirely aware of his surroundings, remembering the clothes you wore and the style your hair was in. You didn’t wear any makeup for the flight, which Yoongi adored, admiring your natural skin.

Soon, he noticed a figure dressed like yours, hair the same beautiful colour. “Y/N?” He asked, pushing the final few people out of the way.

His heart broke as he saw you doubled over, panting for breath. You were terrified, your eyes brimming with tears as he quickly grabbed hold of you, pulling you into his chest. “I’m so sorry, I am so unbelievably sorry. I should never have let this happen, please forgive me. Just keep breathing, you’re safe now jagi.”

“I was so scared,” you mumbled against his chest, a few tears rolling down your cheek. As soon as he saw them, he wiped them away, the guilt tearing away at him.

He squeezed you tightly, refusing to let you go. “I can’t begin to imagine how you’re feeling, this is all my fault, I should have kept a closer eye on you. Are you hurt at all?”

“No, I’m okay,” you replied, a soft smile emerging. Yoongi nodded, taking in your sight.

Your bottom lip still quivered out of fear, your heart was racing from the adrenaline rushing through your body.

“This isn’t your fault,” you reminded him, noticing the panic in his eyes, double checking every inch of your skin was undamaged. You couldn’t blame him, it was an accident, it was never his intention to let you go. “Why don’t we just get out of here, together? I’m absolutely fine Yoongi, you don’t need to worry.”

He took you to the end of the crowd, the boys all sat around playing games on their phones. “You promise me that you are alright? No one hurt you, did they? You haven’t injured yourself or anything like that.”

“Yoongi,” you whispered, lacing your hand in with his, placing several kisses along his jaw, “I promise you; everything is perfect. I’m still here, with you, everything is just fine.”

“I’m sorry I let this happen, you shouldn’t have to deal with all of this.” He took of his jacket, wrapping you up in it. “I was so concerned; I’ve never been so scared in my life when I realised your hand wasn’t in mine anymore.”

“It was scary for us both, but we’ve found each other again, just like we always do. I deal with this because I love you, and I will sacrifice anything if it means getting to spend the rest of my life with you.”

His smile slowly grew, resting his forehead against yours. “I don’t know how I got so lucky sometimes. I would never forgive myself if anything bad ever happened to you, I’ll always protect you, I love you.”

“Come on,” you smiled, pulling him towards the exit, “how about we just head home and forget any of this ever happened?”

“Sounds perfect to me.”

---

Masterlist

[unluckycait]

YOU CAME UP WITH IT. prompt where Wraith finds out she's sharing the same room as Mirage's pleASE

OMG I FORGOT ABOUT THIS,,,,, FGHJDHJG

This ended up being longer than i intended so ill post it here but you can also read it on here if you’d prefer

I HOPE U LIKE IT! 

-

“Damage to the ship? what are you talking about?”

Mirage has his brows creased, looking down at Wraith who’s clearly exhausted from the recent royal and not in any way prepared to deal with Mirages shit.

“I mean what I said. the whole right side of the fucking plane got damaged in the storm what else could that possibly mean?”

Wraith stands in the doorway to Mirages dorm, arms holding what looks to be comfortable clothes she so desperately wants to change into, the poor thing still stuck in her gear.

“Your room copped some of the damage?”

Mirage crosses his arms, leaning against the frame as Wraith nods at him.

“Wattsons room also got damaged, but she’s happy to live with Lifeline for the time being.”

Only then does the situation click, doing his best to keep the wave of happiness hidden under his pink cheeks.

“Well, lucky for you, your fellow teammate is the proud owner of a bunk bed AND bar. Cool right?? I’m nice enough to even give you the top bunk.”

“What if I want to be on the bottom?”

Mirage pauses in the middle of his room, surprised. He definitely took Wraith as the top bunk kind of person.

“Fine, sure. You can be on the bottom if you want. I just assumed you’d want to be on top.”

She frowns at him, taking a step into his room and putting her clothes down on the sofa.

“What’s so special about being on top? Bottom seems far more comfortable and safe. What if you fall while on top? Then what?”

“Obviously someone as experienced in being on top as i would never fall, i think you’re just scared of being on top.”

Elliot smirks and crosses his arms, the rest of the ship quiet and listening in on their absurd argument.

“I am not scared of being on top!”

“DO YOU GUYS MIND, WE DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHOS TOP AND WHOS BOTTOM IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!”

…

Both of them sport a bright red blush across their cheeks as lifelines voice silences the entire ship and realisation hits them. Mirage is already thinking things he would never ever say out loud and Wraith has picked her clothes back up.

“I’m going to shower……… And I want the top bunk.”

Before Mirage can think of a response she’s gone. Now he’s left alone with his thoughts as he scurries for a quick clean up and starts setting up the bunk. He’s positive there are other people on the ship with room for one more, but upon further thought it makes sense for her to come to him. Recently they’ve become something Mirage can confidently call ‘friends’ even though his heart so desperately ached for more. He worked hard to earn her trust, he’s not about to go ahead and ruin it with his touch-starved and lonely self. He’s patient, amongst the panic and cool facades he is patient, respectful and would do anything to see Wraith smile. She’s been through a lot, they all have.

Though his thoughts quieten down as the soft pad of familiar footsteps come his way. They bring him back to reality and he realises the button that’s supposed to lift the bed up into a bunk bed is…not doing just that… He swore he plugged it in, it’s supposed to just rise into a bunk bed because there’s one underneath! Why isn’t it working? 

“Something wrong?”

She must have been standing there awhile, she must have seen Mirage press the button frantically at least 13 times.

“Well, uh, you could say that… I plugged it in properly, I just checked it! I don’t know why its not working!”

He’s patient… he promises… But Wraith couldn’t care less, not even a nice hot shower could cure her resting bitch face.

“So now what? We share?”

Mirage takes air in through his nose before rubbing his face, this is exactly what he feared.

“Y-yeah– i mean.. I don’t care, pshh– might be tight for space though… uhh Hey! I know, why don’t you give me a hand trying to lift this thing, we can put it next to the other bed that way we aren’t sharing a tiny bed. Sounds like a plan right?”

A long, tired sigh leaves Renee’s lips as she walks forward, at least she’s in more comfortable clothes now. The two of them take the bottom of the bed and lift, pulling towards them the bed forms a larger one, taking up most of the space in the room. It’s definitely not ideal, they’ll have to use it as a rug when someone isn’t sleeping on it but what else are they going to do? 

“Would you look at that! A whole ass bed, crazy stuff.”

Mirage pulls out some pillows from somewhere as well as extra blankets and smiles at his impressive improvisation. 

“I’ve slept in worse.”

Wraith shrugs, she’s right, far far worse. Even if she doesn’t want to admit it, or think about it. She knows this’ll be one of the best places she’ll get to sleep. The room smells of him, maybe a bit too strongly but it is his room after all. Though she can’t say its a bad thing. What is she thinking? They just became friends, she’s only just starting to understand how he works. Sharing a bed isn’t a big deal, even if his… .stench… makes her calm in the most heated fights.

“Okay, what is that supposed to mean? My hospitality not good enough for you huh? Miss Wraith Apex Legends? Might i get you a drink then? I have quite an array of taste here just for you, some Savion blanc? Or perhaps a Chardonnay?”

Wraith stopped listening awhile ago, it’s only like, 9pm but she helped herself to the bed. She knows this is technically his bed, or the side he sleeps on rather. Is he going to stop her though? No. He’s still going on about different wine and liquor. He’s a fucking idiot.

Eventually, Elliot stops his list of liquor to notice Wraith in bed, quite comfortable. That’s his side of the bed too… Regardless… She has a fair point. Todays’ games were brutal, the new planet makes him miss Kings Canyon, there wasn’t any deadly molten lava or it wasn’t freezing cold. It was ideal! 

He sighs, rubbing his face some more before silently telling himself to get over it. You’ll both go to sleep and wake up and she’ll wake up before you so there won’t be any awkward mornings or anything it’ll be fine! Fantastic, even. 

With that, he sits on the bed before bringing his legs up and lays down. Sleep comes faster than he thought it would, turns out he was just as tired as her.

-

Rustling and quiet chatter can be heard from the other side of his door, the other legends must be awake. He can even hear Octavio, he’s a late riser, what the hell is the time?

A heavy weight rests on his arm, no actually, his whole chest. How many blankets are there again? Tingles form in said arm signal blood loss, god how heavily did he sleep to end up this stiff…

Finally he opens his eyes, he has to hold his breath.

Wraith has her head against his chest, her arm over his waist. Her hair escaped the tie through the night, some of it in mirages mouth he’s sure. But that’s not important right now.  What’s important is that he doesn’t move. He doesn’t even know what the time is, Octane is up at 11am every day! There’s no way Wraith who “never sleeps” slept in this badly, and Mirage is no better.

Oh god

Now they’re bound to have an awkward interaction…

How did this even happen? He … never took Wraith for a cuddler… 

Slowly Wraith begins to wake up, her eyes have never been this heavy, nor her limbs. It’s so unbelievably warm and comfortable; then she slowly realises why.

His arm is draped over her side, still resting peacefully with his eyes closed, hair as messy as hers. Her own arm betrays her, lying comfortably over his waist, the proximity is suffocating. If that could be in a good way. 

She continues to stare at him, slowly raising her head and the rest of her body following so she can lean on her elbow. He is so… 

Fucking stupid

Is the first thing that comes to her mind, a small smile appearing on her lips. No, that’s mean. He’s not stupid at all, in fact. He just acts like it.

He’s handsome.

Indeed, even first thing in the morning and with crust at his tear ducts. A face with scars capable of a bright smile, sometimes it’s fake. 

He’s awake.

They can see through his disguise. This time she is grateful, slowly leaning back and increasing the distance between their faces that suddenly got so small. She decides that is how the moment will close. her heart begans to ache, this is exactly what she didn’t want. She doesn’t want to waste her time with love, it reminds herself that she’s human.

Slowly, she pulls herself away from the warmth and up, removing herself from his embrace and from the bed. Elliots arm slowly falls and lies in the dip of the bed where she previously was. 

He’s pretty good at playing dead. 

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

WhatsApp? Part 12. (Steve Rogers x reader)

Description: You’ve never been lucky with guys. You just wanted to catch someone’s eye, to be loved. One day, that’s about to turn completely - with one fake, completely imagined number a guy gave you

A/N: Here we go for the first time.

Word Count: 2.6 K

Warnings: Full of nervousness.

Tagging: @missdictatorme, @songforhema, @mikariell95, @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory

Read the rest here: Part One  Part Two  Part three  Part four  Part five  Part Six  Part seven  Part eight  Part nine  Part ten  Part eleven

If you like to have your readings in order :):  H E R E  

"You've told something to him?" - You looked Bucky in the eyes with a serious frown. You almost exploded after you hung up on Steve's call.

Steve Rogers asked you out after soon to be six months of testing. You were out of your mind. The wanted to go fucking out with you on a date. You immediately called to Deena and she was excited as well, she told Bucky in the next few seconds because he was apparently staying over at her place.

"He finally got his thoughts together." - You heard Bucky yell. The excitement was shaded by a little frown. Was this Bucky's work? Did he nudge Steve to do that? That was the question you were thinking about the whole night. So naturally, when James drove Deena to the office, that was the first thing you asked. You basically jumped at him.

"What? No. I didn't do anything." - Bucky smiled with all of his nonchalance. You were sure that he's lying. One hundred percent sure. You began to know his expression when he was there almost every day. Even Peter befriended him by the course of the time. And when you texted Peter those exciting news, even he thought that James worked some behind the scenes magic.

"Yeah. Right. If you've told him anything, you can tell me." - You said with a slight furrow. Bucky smiled widely again.

"I just encouraged him. That's all that I've done. A slight friendly help." - Bucky answered and took another bite from his plum. He already gave you yours - so you two just stood in the middle of the office and chew on plums while talking. You were waiting for some papers the other girls will give you to work the economic accountant magic with them.

"I hope you didn't make him do it. Because then it would be really cringy." - You raised your eyebrows. Then the door to your office opened and May with Peter was coming in. Peter had a day off of school, so May told him to come over. He liked to do some paperwork to help you and the other girls.

Although Peter was a seriously chaotic person, he was good with papers. He found paperwork pretty fun. He waved at your and James, having his back lazily over his shoulder and he was grinning like an idiot.

"What you're doing here? You're having a crush talk or what? I can discuss with you." - Peter finished your circle of losers and he got a plum himself from Bucky as well.

"You do, youngling?" - Bucky raised his eyebrows playfully. You just nodded with a serious face, finishing your first plum. You were sure that Bucky will restock his supplies the very same evening and you'll have two others.

"Oh yeah, he does. Our Lil' Pete can talk for hours about his Liz." - You nudged his side. Peter looked at May, he was horrified that she could've heard something, but he exhaled loudly when he was sure that May is still oblivious about Liz.

"Shut the hell up, dude. May would larb to tell everybody then." - Peter held your shoulder tightly and rolled his eyes.

"Should I say it louder then?" - You teased Peter and everyone giggled when Peter tensed for a minute. - "Come, dummydumdum. We'll go through some archives. I need to find some financial report from the last quarter." - You bobbed your head in the direction of the archive room and smiled at James as you left him in the middle of the room with a swift conversation.

You were really grateful to Buck for what he has done in the end. He was a good friend to both you and Steve.

---

The evening when Steve was about to leave for your date, he was worse than a mother who had her first child. He matched together a few outfits, freaked out as hell and talked faster then Eminem rapped.

"Should I take a tux or not, should I go formally dressed or should I go just..." - Steve mumbled to himself and Sam watched him intensely ever tho he had an opened newspaper with a seriously interesting article, but let's be honest - this was way funnier.

Sam was sad about Bucky being absent. This would make Bucky laugh so much. So Sam had to keep his eyes opened to remember every little detail so he could tell Bucky.

"Should I use cologne?" - Steve stopped all of a sudden, shirtless with his hands on his hips and a frown, looking directly at Sam.

"Yo talkin' to Mr. Match Maker?" - Sam pointed at himself and Steve nodded with an innocent frown. He was so pure it hurt. - "So yo talkin' to me. Let me see what ya have in stock." - Sam stood up from his chair, entering Steve's room slowly, licking his lips.

He watched Steve's outfits like a fashion disaster. This old man had a funny idea of being seductive or sexy. Sam looked at Steve with a question in his eyes but Steve just shrugged his shoulders.

"Ya don't mean any of this seriously, do ya?" - Sam asked with a smile. Steve frowned even more at that point. - "Man, I'll teach ya somethin', alright? These would maybe impressed ladies back in your day, but now it's the 21st century. You're a handsome, well-built hunk. Don't be afraid of showing some of dat meat to your girl." - Sam opened Steve's not so huge wardrobe without asking, taking one specific shirt out.

Yeah, Steve took some shirts out, but those were terrible. This one was sewed from a silky material, it was in the shade of a dark ocean blue and it made Steve seriously appeal like the biggest trophy in the game. It was a bit lose around Steve's shoulders, but tight around his waist and hips, bringing attention to it.

"Are you sure about this one?" - Steve asked and he was not entirely convinced by Sam's devilish grin.

"Are ya blind? Look at it, boy. This is your key to her heart and her panties." - Sam gave him the shit to Steve. His face was deadly serious at that moment because he didn't catch that it's a joke from Sam.

"Sam, I don't it's appropriate to talk about this stuff right now." - Steve mumbled with a dead face.

"I'm joking, ya moron. But don't you try to make an idiot out of me. You thought about that nasty shit. Ya a man, so don't ya try to play that saint card on me." - Sam laughed and fetched him old jeans which were practically worn out. They used to be from Wrangler, but at that point, you could probably easily miss it.

"And wear those. Just nudge the shirt inside on the front, let it be a bit loosed around the hips and that's that. Let the magic of your charisma work. You'll be good." - Sam patted his friend's shoulder and went to the table again. Steve was redder than some bio tomato at that point of the conversation.

He would not say it out loud at any costs. Of course, he had thought about you in that sense. In the sexual one, of course. You were sweet, unintentionally racy and sexy in his eyes. For example, when you were sending him some selfies from the bed, all messed up, your hair fell out of the bun, your lips curled in a smile, sun shining on your skin.

In his opinion, that was way better than some Maxim or Playboy full of those models who did it mostly for the money. You were natural, so... Normal and yet you didn't stop to take his breath away.

"You didn't answer my question." - Steve leaned into the doorframe and Sam raised his eyes up from the newspaper while drinking some black coffee. - "Should I wear some cologne?"

"I don't know. Maybe a bit of aftershave water or balm, that smell usually goes well with the ladies, but I'm not entirely sure about that cologne. That can be a bit too much for now." - Sam answered honestly without thinking.

"And are flowers still a thing these days?" - Steve asked before he left the room completely. Sam had a poker face at that moment.

"Ya know. We are barbarians, on the first date, we take them out with a club and then we drag them to out the cave, ya nonchalant ass prince. Was that question even necessary? We, as real men, value our women. Flowers are still a real thing.” - Sam answered unbelievable tone of his voice. 

“Flowers, okay.” - Steve nodded and pointed at Sam when he slowly closed the door to his bedroom so he could calmly dress. 

---

You were a lot of more ok that poor Steve. For you, it wasn't the first date from the century ago like it was for him. To be fair, you dated two years ago for the last time and that guy was a dick to say at least. He acted like a complete idiot with no sense for public opinion whatsoever. And he came dressed like a fucking Texas cowboy.

You were sure that this will be different. But nobody could stop you from being at least partially worried. You stood in front of your mirror in a loose black blouse, jeans that reached your waist and some boots on slight platformed high heels and you looked at yourself with a frown. Was it showing too much for his taste or should you show something more? The slight valley showing your cleavage being pushed up was pretty visible, but nothing more could be seen. Only your naked shoulders.

Some scenarios crossed your mind - what if he takes you to the church? That was the most obvious bullshit you could come up with, but you were worried about your shoulders and jeans not being accepted in that scenario. Or a fancy restaurant? Or... Your head was full of what-if plans which were totally shitty, but you just couldn't stop yourself from thinking about them.

Let me say one thing as the narrator as I am, girl, you were looking burning hot. Trust me, I'm into girls, I can judge those things. Only you knew which makeup suits you the most, your hairstyling was absolutely adorable and you looked like a cute little bean.

Even girls in your group chat confirmed it. And Deena's text could be count as two because of course, she had shown Bucky. They sent a selfie back - they were eating grapes, not plums for this instance, Deena had a creepy black facemask on and she even made Bucky wear one. His was the typical white one; but while Deena looked like a demon, he had his typical big smile on and those blue eyes were piercing you even through the display, his hair somehow messily.  She overall made him do such girly things, whether he did it willingly or not.

But their compliment made you flattered and confident as you texted them back in a short text. Maybe that's why the bell surprised you as much as it did. Steve was there physically, standing in front of your house, waiting for you. That made your head stop for a second. Steve, a real one, was just waiting outside for you to come down. 

It was your completely first time seeing him, seeing his face and his overall look just as he was, you were about too see just him and nothing else. Just the way you’ve sighed and drooled about the whole time; the thing you’ve imagined for so long was just at the gasp of your fingers. The battle was on and you had no intentions to lose it. 

You felt strangely numb when you checked your apartment for the last time and then locked your door. It was the jitters hugging you everywhere on your body, that made your fingers tremble and breath to be stuck more and more. The last steps felt like the biggest hell because it was so close that you could just hold your hand, opened the front door and opened them up.

You were acting like a child, just about to slap yourself to concentrate and behave like the adult you are. So you opened the door up and let me say - he was huge. It made you shocked, surprised. You just stood there for a few seconds, watching the enormous silhouette of his back.

Even this man’s back was impressive as hell, he was huge and truly muscly. Naturally, your eyes slowly fell down to his butt. And that butt was a really nice butt, round and nice to look at.

“So that's you? I am still not allowed to see your face?” - You laughed nervously and just as he heard your voice, Steve stopped to look around the street and turned his attention only to you.

You were much shorter and your body was gentle, just as you would expect with a woman’s body. You took his breath away for a few seconds. 

But you studied him with a frown. A huge puget of roses was the first thing you’ve noticed in his hands. But then you travelled higher and higher on his body. And when you saw the face for the first time, your jaw just dropped down in shock. 

That wasn't just some random Steve. Nor some random Steve Rogers. This was the Steve Rogers, the Captain America you’ve seen on so many news, on so many internet pages, his photos were everywhere. 

Well, that must've been destiny pulling a prank on you - a seriously not funny prank on you. You knew him from the many texts you’ve exchanged. He was a romantic, gentle soul, so well mannered man that it was almost unreal. You almost didn't understand the situation at all. So, was it him, Captain America, all the time, or was it just a coincidence. Maybe Steve Rogers was around the corner and Mr America was just waiting for that hot widow on the second floor? 

“I'm so sorry, Captain. I... I thought you were someone different.” - You stuttered, ready to go back to your flat, ready to let him leave. But his warm, huge hand gently touched your arm. 

His magical made you weak - he had a boyish, bright smile and baby blue eyes. You felt like a fangirl who encountered their idol. He was really beautiful when he was leaning forward to you, his hand was warm and gentle on your arm. Captain was handsome, he reminded you of Adonis, the Greek god himself. 

You couldn't find the words to describe him at all. Captain looked like a man, but he had the energy of a boy in him. But somehow, even though he was tall and huge, he was so warm and nice, it just shined from his eyes. You liked him.

“I'm pretty sure you’re the one who am I waiting for.” - He stopped you from going back inside, making you close your eyes and giggle as you definitely closed the door, stepping on a socially acceptable distance from his body.

“So you’re Captain America.” - Your cheeks reddened and you covered your face in your palms. You giggled like hell. - “Oh my God.”

[ohneweiterebedeutung]

[Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with 11Freunde. This is my translation of Max Dinkelaker’s interview, which can be read here.]

Club player Enrico Valentini about his love for 1. FC Nürnberg

„I’ll shout some abuse right back“

Enrico Valentini joined 1. FC Nürnberg when he was only five years old. Since then he’s not just been a Club player, but a passionate Clubfan as well. Here he talks about car processions through the city, the commitment of the ultras and a bus ride for all eternity.

Enrico Valentini, you don’t just play for Nürnberg professionally, you were born in the city and have been a Clubfan since childhood. Do you listen to the fans’ songs and chants during a game? Of course, sometimes I sing along myself. When we walk out onto the pitch for example. Or when they sing „Die Legende lebt“.

Did you ever get any funny looks from opposing players for that? No, I don’t sing out loud, just to myself. Sometimes only in my head. It’s just that I do know the songs, I’ve stood there in the block myself often enough. And some songs, you’re just simply defenseless against them.

You lived so close to the stadium as a child, you should know the songs by heart. I do. On Saturdays we could follow the games merely by the noise. I just crossed the street, climbed through a hole in the fence and there I was on one of the training grounds.

The house you grew up in was also your parents’ restaurant. Did you have to help out there a lot as a child? Much less so than my older siblings, compared to them I was lazy and ducked out a lot. I was the youngest, the little prince. But the restaurant still had a big influence on my childhood. We ate at completely different times than other families, dinner was never before 9 pm. My father once told me that when I was a baby he often got me out of bed at 1 am when he returned from work. He laid me down on his chest, just to have some time with me at all.

When did your parents move from Italy to Germany? In 1980. My father started off „classically“ as a waiter in a trattoria and in 1989, when I was born, he opened his first own restaurant. These days he owns a vinotheque (?).

Was it your father, as well, that got you into football? Yes. He was and still is a fanatic Juve fan and, ever since moving here, a Clubberer as well. He introduced me to many club legends: Dieter Eckstein, Sergio Zarate, Alain Sutter, Stefan Reuter, Samy Sané. Even though some of them played before I was born, he showed me videos of them. Samy Sané for example, he was quicker than the ball. He was quicker even than his son Leroy Sané is today. Unbelievable.

Do you have an all-time-favourite Nürnberg player? Out of those I’ve watched myself in the stadium it’s Jacek Krzynowek. His left hammer was amazing. What a great guy. Also I was lucky enough as a youth player to sometimes get to train with the first team. It was the time of Hans Meyer. So there I was on the pitch next to Zvjezdan Misimovic, an awesome number 10. Because he wasn’t very fast he solved everything with his great technique. He played to his strenghts perfectly. No frills, no tricks, always straightforward.

So as a teenager did you freeze in awe of such gifted footballers like Misimovic? In the beginning yes, completely. I was a bit intimidated. Up until then I’d always mercilessly put all the professional players up on pedestals. Most of all Alessandro Del Piero. To me he seemed beyond reach. Not even human, an alien. And it was similar with the big names in Nürnberg. But then suddenly I sat next to them and I realised: They’re just normal people.

Why were you so fascinated by Del Piero? His style of play, he was unique. He entered the box from the left side and then fired the ball into the top right-hand corner. In Italy they call it „Tiro all Del Piero“. In A-Jugend [aged 19 and under] I had a phase where I scored exclusively like that. When Del Piero scored against Germany in the world cup semifinal in 2006 I was so happy for him! As if he was a family member. I’m getting goose bumps just talking about it.

You were so happy, even though he inflicted a really painful defeat upon the German team? Don’t get me wrong: I’m extremely grateful to Germany for everything I get to experience. But I feel Italian. I still have lots of family there, I try to go there at least once a year. I only started speaking German in kindergarten.

About the same time, in 1994, as a five-year-old you joined the Club and up until 2010 went through all of its youth teams. Was there one coach with a special influence on your career? Every coach was important at his time. Concerning my personality I benefitted from René Müller the most, who trained me in the amateur team. He taught me a lot especially concerning life after football.

Like what? Broadening my horizon. We talked about faith, about the importance of money, the importance of football. He helped me understand that my personal happiness doesn’t depend on my career alone. Before that, it was like this - if I played well I was happy. If I played badly I was unhappy. It wasn’t healthy.

As a youth player were you automatically a Nürnberg fan right from the beginning? Yes. I always completely identified with the club and, consequently, suffered along with the players even as a child.

When did you suffer the most? The worst was the final home game in the 1999 season. I was there as a ballboy. Frank Baumann stood there, completely free in front of Richard Golz and had the biggest chance, he just had to dip it in from two meters away. But he missed. And almost at the same time Åge Fjörtoft scored in Frankfurt - and we got relegated. I’ll never forget the reactions then. The noise in the stadium, the shock of the masses after Baumann’s miss, it’s burned into my memory. It’s lucky I was so young. You get over such things more quickly. I probably went and played football.

[Bundesliga Schlusskonferenz 1999. (A nightmare).]

Do you remember your first stadium visit? Yes. Must have been the season when we played in Regionalliga Süd, so in 1994. The team played in front of kind of a bleak backdrop. Well, it was great by Regionalliga standards, just not by Club standards. Unfortunately I don’t remember the opponent, I do remember it was a second team. So all in all rather dismal. And yet I was there all the time after that in the following years. As a ballboy, as a mascot, with my friends, with my family, in the stands. I was there for pretty much everything.

Your greatest experience as a fan? The Pokal win of course. Jan Kristiansen into the top corner from 30 meters, in extra time, an incredible evening. I was there in our pub, banging on the table from sheer joy. I went completely berserk. Afterwards my cousin and I joined the car procession, with him sounding the horn, me at the window. Then on to the Plärrer (big square in Nuremberg, editor’s note). A perfect highlight of a night.

These days, as a professional player with the know-how that comes with that, standing in the stadium you probably assess many situations very differently than us would-be-experts. Does that cause problems? Does it ever! When people around me start hurling abuse in the direction of the pitch, I shout abuse right back at them. It’s always the worst on the grandstand, because the expectations are the highest there. I’ve gotten into fights with people many times there.

For example? Once, I was playing for Aalen at the time and was on a visit to Nürnberg, Marcos Antonio made several mistakes in a game against Stuttgart and in the course of that was at fault for [FCN] conceding a goal. Except for the ultras the entire stadium was booing him. At some point it got just cruel. I got a really tight feeling in my chest. I thought about going home, it really hurt. Then I got into a fight with an elderly gentleman. I don’t remember everything that was said, apart from the last bit.

Which was? I told him he’d lost his marbles.

Does that inhibit you, as a player, knowing exactly which kinds of reactions a mistake can cause in the crowd? No, it actually rather spurs me on. Because I know how superficial these reactions can be. And I’ve long gotten past carrying my mistakes with me for weeks. It’s not like I’m killing anybody. A mistake is still just a mistake in a football match.

In 2010 you left the Club because you didn’t see any perspective for yourself in the first team. Was it liberating for you playing in Aalen for a club that you weren’t as personally connected with? On the one hand, yes. On the other hand I didn’t take long to identify with the club and the town. People like to smile down on clubs like Aalen, Sandhausen or Heidenheim. So that made it extra nice to play away and win. You always knew: after a home defeat against Aalen, the opponent’s coach would be called into question. I think during my time at Aalen alone we fired three opponents’ coaches. Just because they lost to us at home.

At Aalen you managed to establish yourself as a professional under Ralph Hasenhüttl. You went on to KSC, where in 2015 under coach Markus Kauczinski you almost made the leap into Bundesliga. In the second leg of the relegation play-off against HSV you were only a few seconds away from promotion… When Marcelo Diaz took that free-kick I was standing in the wall.

HSV had only this one last shot to escape relegation. Did you catch any of what was being said between Diaz and Rafael van der Vaart? Allegedly they discussed which of them would take the shot. Yes, they were talking and both standing close to the ball. I was completely convinced that van der Vaart would shoot. I told the other guys in the wall „100% van der Vaart, 100% van der Vaart.“ I kept repeating that. It was completely clear to me that in this moment their greatest player would take the ball. I didn’t expect Diaz at all. We had analysed their scorers before the game, in the entire season Diaz hadn’t taken a single free-kick.

[KSC-HSV]

But Diaz did in that moment - and put the ball into the top corner. How did you feel in the hours after missing promotion? Immediately after the final whistle I was very emotional and cried. Then we were standing in front of the fans and they sang „Ein Kompliment“ by Sportfreunde Stiller: (singing) „Ich wollte dir - nur mal eben sagen - dass du das - Größte für mich bist!“ [„I just wanted to tell you that to me you are the greatest“ (…)] One of the nicest moments of my career. After that we finished our round and I saw my family in the stands, 20, 25 Valentinis. They were all crying. Everybody. My father, my mother, my wife, even my best friend. It felt like they were sadder than I was. Somehow that made me happy. It’s weird to explain, but experiences like that hurt less when they’re shared. Having people with you that feel you so much, that’s great consolation.

How long did you take to get over this shock? It only really hit me square in the face a few days later when I was already on holiday. I realised then what had actually happened. I was 26 years old, these two games had been my chance to play in the Bundesliga. Maybe - very probably - the only chance. And there were players like Dominic Peitz, Daniel Gordon and Dirk Orlishausen. Men over 30 for which it had definitely been the last chance. After this realisation it really, really hurt.

But then, three years later, you personally got there after all, you made it to the Bundesliga. And on top of that with your club, 1. FC Nürnberg, to which you had returned in 2017. What pictures are there in your head when you think back to last May? We beat Sandhausen and we were through. Already on the way back to Nürnberg we partied like crazy. At some point we ran out of beer, the bus had to stop so we could get some more. At the service station we met fans, so we stayed and celebrated with them for a bit. When we drove on at every bridge [across the Autobahn] there were people celebrating, and Club banners. When we finally arrived back in the city we didn’t immediately go out to the fans. We went into the changing room through the back door, the fans had no idea when we’d come back. And this knowledge, shortly we’ll run out and start [-], the anticipation, that we’d go out and they’d see us and light their bengal flares, the excitement, it was overwhelming.

There was a video going viral on the internet that showed the entire team loudly bawling a Juve song in nearly accentless Italian. You must be a good teacher! No, no, I don’t deserve any credit for that! The thing with „Storia di un grande amore“, that was the idea of our captain Hanno Behrens and Tim Leibold.

You’ll have to explain. On the second or third day of the season I was in the showers after training. Suddenly I heard the song come over the speakers in the changing room. I ran there, still naked, to see who was responsible. Hanno and Tim were waiting for me. I was all „Whut?!“ and Hanno replied „This song is wicked!“ After that the song accompanied the team through the entire season.

In which you missed only one game - but of all games, it had to be the derby against Fürth at home. Where did you watch it? I was standing in the block [Nordkurve, among the ultras]. Though I couldn’t really join in the chants, because I was too focused on the game. But it was very interesting to me, seeing just how much work the ultras invest into the atmosphere. I hadn’t really realised before, because I'd been standing too far up, but against Fürth I stood down at the bottom, close to the Vorsänger [what’s the proper term? The people with the megaphones, that lead the chants?]. I became really aware of just how exhausting it is for them. They practically work as hard as we do on the pitch. The prodding when it’s not loud enough - there are some real fights there.

Things happen fast in football. Half a year after the huge euphoria you find yourselves in last place of the Bundesliga table with Nürnberg. Is a 0-7 defeat at Dortmund especially excruciating to you, because you have so many private connections to the club? All the people in my environment, practically without exception, are either fans or at the very least big Club-sympathisers. Immediately there’s the question „What happened?!“ And I don’t have any other answer besides „Well what do you think happened? We got beaten up 0-7.“ It can be quite gruelling. On the other hand my phone explodes especially after victories. I get many more reactions then.

What gives you hope that it’s yet possible that you won’t get relegated? The team. We still have a great team spirit. And also there’s much quality in our squad. As a team we have what it takes to get through this.

[texastheband]

Sharleen blows her cool

By Nick Duerden Taken from Heat Magazine - 11-17 November 1999 

She's our most succesfull pop star and she gets to cavort on beds with male models. So why is Sharleen Spiteri in a bad mood? "Fucking flu" she tells Nick Duerden.

It is a cold, crisp day in the north, and Sharleen Spiteri is suffering from a lack of sufficient sleep. Last night's hotel had an air conditioning system that didn't know its hot from its cold. So the Texas singer tossed and turned throughout the night, one moment sweating, the next freezing. "I thought I had the fucking flu or something," she says.

Nevertheless, she looks delightfully rumpled today in the kind of manner only ever truly achieved by the rich and famous. She strides into a Manchester eatery under an artfully created birds' nest of black hair, and is wearing worn Jeans that are decadently fashionable and, doubtless, very expensive. She is the liveliest of company, picking delicately at a plate of hummus, but insisting on a plate of sausage and mash for heat as a hangover cure. Mash, it seems, is good for soaking up alcohol in the stomach. "You're bringing out my maternal side," she says. Later, she will reveal a fondness for Robbie, and refer to his one time bandmate Gary Barlow as "fuckface". Apparently, on an Italian pop show recently, he accidentally cracked her head open with his guitar, then blamed his attendant security. "If it wasn't for them," says the woman who stands at 5ft 5", "1 would have had him." Texas are here in Manchester halfway through a sold-out UK tour to further promote a very succesfull album. Following the four-million-selling, career-saving White On Blonde, The Hush has already shifted over three million copies in just six months. They are one of Britain's biggest bands, about to set their sights on America which they confidently believe they will crack. This is all a very different story from just three years ago. Back then, Texas were on the brink of ruin. Their record company were threatening to drop them, and they themselves were considering splitting. Since the top ten success of their 1989 debut single, I Don't Want A Lover, and the album Southside, Texas had been on a gradual downward slide. Their second album, Mothers Heaven, performed disappointingly, and very few people even noticed when they released a third, Ricks Road. With the exception of France, who still considered them splendid, Texas were uniformly regarded as a band dull enough to render even Del Amitri as rock gods. But then a very peculiar thing happened. Texas became hip, seemingly overnight. Purportedly steered by her journalist boyfriend, Ashley Heath (then editor of fashion magazine Arena Homme Plus), Sharleen became a sex siren, the band's sole focal point, and someone most adept at pouting provocatively before the camera lens. While the often exotic photo shoots looked like she was selling perfume, she was in fact selling the band. It worked wonders, too: suddenly, Texas were everywhere. And now look at them. Huge. Sharleen Spiteri, svengali boyfriend loitering somewhere in the shadows, has mounted the most successful make over in recent pop history.

How does it feel to have sold upwards of seven million albums in less than three years? How does it feel? It feels very secure. [Laughs] But I also feel incredibly grateful for it, because we were lucky enough to get a second chance. That doesn't happen much these days. I still find it hard to believe that we broke big on our fourth album. Nobody from the record company will admit to it now, but even when we delivered Say What You Want (White On Blonde's first single), no one was particularly impressed. We loved it, but I think they were simply no longer interested in us. It was like they were waiting for the record to fail so they could get rid of us. Instead, however, we sold an obscene amount of albums and suddenly they love us. I tell you, becoming very successful gives you an awful lot of power. Why was the album such a success, given Texas' then somewhat dull image? Simple: because it was a great record. We'd made the best music of our lives, and people were responding to it. The image reinvention certainly helped though, didn't it? I find it funny the way people are so obsessed about my supposed "reinvention". We've been around for ten years, so of course we're going to reinvent ourselves. It's called progression. True, but the suddenly glamorous image seemed very calculated towards making you quickly famous. Everyone is convinced that the record sold because I draped myself all over the press to plug it. In actual fact, I didn't start appearing on magazine covers until the second single, Halo, was already in the charts. We were becoming successful, so there was a demand for interviews, and I gave them. Were the rest of the band happy to take a step back? Absolutely. It took all the pressure off them. Let's face it, an attractive woman in a band is a pretty effective focal point. We were convinced we'd made a great record - the best of our career - and we wanted people to hear it. And the way to do that is to promote it. So I did. Is it true that your boyfriend had a guiding hand in the makeover? Not really. Obviously, having a boyfriend that works in journalism helps to give you an insight into how the whole business works, but I used to be a hairdresser, so I know a fair bit about image myself. We did talk about how to present ourselves because we knew that initially people wouldn't be interested in Texas and we wanted to change their minds. The whole music business Is a game in that respect, and we played it. Wouldn't you have done the same? Wouldn't anyone? Had you always wanted to be famous? No, never had. Still don't, in fact. I've never been bothered with it, to be honest. It doesn't interest me at all. Anyone can be famous. You can be famous for wearing high-heeled shoes, or blowing off presidents. I want people to say I'm a great singer, a great songwriter, that's all. If I simply wanted to become famous, then I would have got my tits out long ago. And I never have. Never will, either. Did it ever feel slightly foolish to be rolling around on exotic beaches like a supermodel merely to sell a band that used to wear woolly jerseys and hobnail boots? No, I had a great time, and they're great photographs. I'll keep them forever and show them to my children so that they can be proud of their mother. Everyone likes to look good in pictures, and those pictures make me look fantastic. Ten years ago I was very selfconscious about the way I looked, but I'm almost 32 now, and I've accepted that I've got a giant nose and other blemishes. But am I going to get major surgery? Nah, fuck it. I'll just ask photographers not to accentuate it and to light me in a flattering manner, that's all. Subsequent collaborations with Rae & Christian and Wu-Tang Clan also seemed like a very determined effort to suddenly become chic. Were they? I met Rae & Christian ages ago through my boyfriend, and I spent years namechecking the Wu-Tang Clan because I was a fan. Both came to work with us because they knew we were good at what we did musically. I've never been interested in being chic or trendy or cool. I just want two things: to make good music and work with people I admire. Did any members of the WuTang Clan come on to you? [Aghast] Absolutely not! But I know what you mean. If you put any man or woman in a room together there's bound to be something, some kind of spark. When they were first told that we'd love to work with them, they were like [adopts cheeky American drawl], "Hey, is that the chick with the funky red dress from that video [BlackEyed Boy]? I like her! ", but they were very respectful towards me. I was in awe of them. They're all huge guys, and they kept calling me "girlie". But then they heard me sing, and they were convinced I was black! [Fondly] Method Man is a lovely guy, you know. Do you feel sexy? Not first thing in the morning, I don't. I can look very rough indeed. But I don't want to be obviously sexy. I try to think what I find sexy in women - and it's not Pamela Anderson - and then work on that. I think the sexiest word in the English language is "no". It makes perfect sense, because everyone wants what they can't have. If you actually look at all the supposedly steamy photographs I've done, I'm actually revealing very little flesh indeed. In the video for Summer Son, you effectively dry-hump a handsome man in bed. Did he leave you, um, tongue-tied? Very funny. I'll tell you why I did that video. It was to suggest that it is possible to be unbelievably sexy and keep all your clothes on. That video was all about the power of suggestion, but ironically it wasn't allowed to be shown on television before seven o'clock because it was too raunchy. What hypocritical bullshit. All I ever see on MTV are women in ridiculous push-up bras, cleavage everywhere, and touching themselves. I wanted to make an alternative, but keep it just as sexy. It is also, presumably, fairly good fun cavorting with a male model of your choice? Well, I have to admit, it's a pretty good way to spend a day. [Abruptly changing subject] Incidentally, did you know that Summer Son has just broken us in Germany? Which is good news because Germany is the third biggest market in the world. We're massive there now. Not bigger than David Hasselhoff, surely? Germany, after all, is his stronghold. Do you know what? I think we're even bigger than him. How about that? Congratulations. Thank you, very kind. You exude confidence the way a teenager does testosterone. Does it ever spill over into arrogance? When I was a hairdresser, people thought I was really arrogant. Now, because of the band, I'm almost allowed to have an ego, but most people tend to think of me as level headed. Well, that's what they tell me to my face, anyway. Put it this way, I've not changed at all. I'm very ambitious, always have been. There are still a lot of people out there who don't like us and probably hate me, but I don't care about them. We're a band who sell a lot of records. That brings peace of mind and, yes, a certain arrogance. But, y'know, we've worked hard to get into this position. I'm not about to apologise for it. One more thing. What, if anything, turns you off in a man? Beards. When they get as big as that bloke's in The Royle Family, bits of food get stuck in thein. Disgusting! My father [a seaman] used to go off to sea for months at a time and come back home with a bloody great bush of a beard. Me and my sister would go after him with the scissors, screaming like banshees.

[mariahanchuksportofsoftball]

Katie Bettencourt: From Athlete to Coach

Endicott Softball Head Coach Katie Bettencourt grew up in Salem, New Hampshire where she first found her love for the sport of softball. A sport that seemed like an after-school activity soon became a passion and lifestyle for Bettencourt. 

Bettencourt attended Salem High School in 2005 where she played softball, field hockey, and basketball. Sports are something that comes easy for Bettencourt. She grew up with the mindset of always wanting to win and being extremely competitive. Bettencourt looks at competition as business to take care of and then the fun can come after. This mindset and persona she carried helped to make her mark in the sports world. She won three state championships with her field hockey team and she was the MVP in her final years with the basketball team. As she shined in both basketball and field hockey, nothing compared to her ability to play softball. On the softball team, she was able to win a state championship, earned first-team All-State three years in a row, was named captain and MVP in her final two years, and batted .468 with 93 RBI’s. The list goes on and on for Bettencourt and as she left high school she was named Salem High Outstanding Female Spring Athlete. 

In 2009, Bettencourt played Division I softball at UMass Amherst. Her Freshman year was not what she hoped as she started off as a pinch-runner. However, that didn’t stop her from exceeding the expectations of her coaches. In her following years of college, she earned Regional and National awards while helping her team qualify for the NCAA tournament. Bettencourt was also a captain three years in a row. Her excellence didn’t stop at the field, she maintained Deans’ list and was a constant leader to her team. 

Bettencourt graduated from UMass in 2013 and she quickly realized she needed the sport of softball to be a constant in her life. One year later, Bettencourt found herself back on the field but this time as an Assistant Coach for Worcester Polytechnic Institute. Bettencourt wanted to be more than an Assistant Coach so she took matters into her own hands and became the Head Coach at Assumption College from 2016-2017.

Bettencourt ultimately found her dream job as the Head Coach for the softball team at Endicott College. She started in 2017 and has never felt more at home. From the staff to the campus and her team, Bettencourt believes she found the job at the school where she was meant to be.

Q&A with Katie Bettencourt

Q: How did you get into softball and playing at the college level?

 A: “I first got serious about softball when I got cut from the middle school team in 6th grade. From that day forward I practiced multiple times a week, I played travel ball that summer for the first time, and I really started to enjoy playing. The more I practiced the better I got. My passion grew after that summer.”

 “The high school I attended had a very successful softball program. The expectation was winning state championships, which I loved! I worked hard during the winter and made varsity as a freshman. That is when I met my mentor, Whitney Mollica (Goldstein is her married name now.) She was heading to UMass Amherst in the fall on a softball scholarship and, man, was she GOOD! I wanted to be as good as her, if not better. I started to follow her around school and practice, picked her brain about the game, and the recruiting process. She was the reason the UMass coach even looked at me.”

 “When Whitney would come home from winter and summer breaks she would hit with me and help me to become better. We would take videos of my swing and pass them along to the UMass coach, Coach Sortino. I had interest from other schools but UMass always had my eye. I love winning and that’s what Coach Sortino was all about.”

 “I attended an overnight summer camp UMass hosted the summer going into my senior year of high school and I BALLED OUT! After that camp, I was offered a roster spot on the team. I verbally committed about a week later.” 

  Q: How did you get into Coaching?

 A: “ During the summers during college, I helped coach a few travel teams. But I first got into college coaching right after I graduated from UMass. I took an assistant coaching job at WPI with Whitney. She got the head coaching job that same summer and asked me to be on her staff. I was there for two years until I took the head coaching job at Assumption College” (now Assumption University.)

  “I love everything about being a part of a team, especially when it comes to the game of softball. There is more failure than success in this sport, you NEED teammates to pick you up physically and mentally. I loved coaching that, the fight, and the resilience that comes with the game. In addition, helping student-athletes improve their skill set and watching that translate into games is very rewarding to me.”

 “All in all, I love this game. It has done a lot for me. I have met some incredible people and traveled to some pretty neat places. It has given me so much, the least I can do is give back and I really enjoy doing it!”

  Q: So why did you choose Endicott?

 A: “I became familiar with Endicott when my cousin, Kevin Bettencourt, was hired as the Head Men’s Basketball Coach. I started to attend home games and got to know Endicott’s campus. It was actually Mark Kulakowski who put a bug in my ear about applying for the job (which I am so lucky he did!) In all honesty, I did not do too much research on Endicott and it wasn’t until the first interview that I realized how big of an opportunity it was to be a part of the Endicott community. Another aspect of the job that caught my attention was it was a full-time position. Something that I was not at Assumption. I was part-time at Assumption and had to work multiple jobs in order to survive financially.”

 “When I was offered the position at Endicott it was a no-brainer! Full-time position doing what I love to do, at a college with an awesome community, and with an athletic department that loves to win! All while living closer to my family!”

 Q: Who have been your inspirations surrounding the sport?

 A: “I have had two huge inspirations and mentors throughout my softball career. One being Whitney Goldstein who I mentioned earlier. I have known Whitney since I was 14 years old, we have been teammates, colleagues, but most importantly great friends. We talk almost every day about softball and life. She has been so helpful in every single aspect of my life. Whenever I need someone to bounce ideas off of whether it’s coaching or life, Whitney is the first person I reach out to.”

 “My college coach, Coach Sortino, is my other inspiration. She passed away shortly after I graduated in the summer of 2013 after a courageous 2 year battle with cancer. She was an unbelievable coach that had an incredible ability to bring out the best in you.”

 “I was in a unique position of being a 3-year captain during my time at UMass, and every year she pushed me to be a better leader. I remember coming home from many practices and games reflecting on myself and asking “what more does this woman want from me?!” In my last year, we were playing in a pivotal conference series and I had just hit a huge 3-run home run that put us up in the late innings and it ultimately won us the game. As I came back to the dugout, Coach gave me this nod almost to tell me “there you go, that’s what I need from you.” If she didn’t push me as hard as she did I wouldn’t be the person I am today.”

 “She shined with integrity, tough love, passion, tradition, care, and honesty. She was so fearless! She took pride in everything we did. Even when her health was declining she found ways to make the team better.  She truly taught us you do things the right way because it is the right thing to do.”

 “She believed in communication, telling someone the truth, and trust me it wasn't always comfortable to hear it. One time during a hard practice, she told me I was in “Loserville” because of how I was handling the adversity of not performing well that day. That day she taught me it’s easy to feel sorry for yourself on hard days, it’s hard to fight through the hard days. I don’t want to take the easy road! I wanted to take the hard road and fight! That is what is going to make me better in the end. Again, if she didn’t push me as hard as she did I wouldn’t be the person I am today.”

 Q: How would you describe the Endicott softball team?

 A: “Not to sound cliché but family! Not too many people understand the grind that goes into being a college student-athlete. It can bring a group together quickly. Watching the team form friendship and bonds has been fun to watch.”

 Q: What message do you try to instill in the team? 

A: “This past year I feel as though we have emphasized effort and being a good teammate. It is a standard for the team that we are bringing our best effort to every practice and game. It’s hard, it’s hard to bring your best effort and energy every single day. But that is what we ask of our student-athletes and they respond.”

 “Another message is being a good teammate. Especially with all the events that have transpired this past year, it’s important to us to be good people. Do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do is a phrase I find myself saying to the team quite often.” 

 “Lastly, we talk a lot about the team and taking time to form relationships with your teammates. It’s the relationships that you will remember the most, not the wins or championships, although we talk about that a lot too.”

  Q: What does softball mean to you?

 A: “This sport has done a lot for me. The education I received, the ability to compete unapologetically, the relationships I have formed, the places I have traveled, the memories I have made. I could go on and go! All because of the game of softball! It has allowed me to do it all! Even at 30 years old, softball is providing me with the opportunity to meet new people, travel, and compete! I am forever grateful for this game!”

 “I think a lot of young girls get discouraged from this game because there is a lot of failing, especially at the beginning! It also requires a lot of hard work to be good. Hitting is hard! Pitching is hard! The game, at times, can get complicated. Stick with it!!! The opportunities the game provides outweigh the hard parts. Stick with it! Get a little better every day and soon you will figure it out!”

[valflame]

AYYY it’s Pigeon back at it again with the ooc nonsense. Somehow I managed to get 300+ followers on a blog for a character from a very old famicom game that’s never officially been localised which is just Wild™ to me, but I’ve gotta say it’s been a thrill already. This isn’t my first Fire Emblem character ( yoink, he’s second :T ) but it’s the first time I’ve ever bothered actually engaging with the community a little and I’ve gotta say, I’m super glad I did!! I still haven’t been here that long and I’m still all hearteyes at all of you guys. I’ve been Pokémon-Community-Ride-Or-Die for years but you guys make me so so happy about branching out a little bit; I’ve gotten to meet a lot of really lovely super talented people with incredible ideas and I’m just so glad to have been exposed to so many friendly creative folks.

                                                          Anywho I’m a weenie :T

Onward to the shoutouts!! Even though I love you all, but shoutouts!!

THE GENERAL FAM: @pxgtails​ @binarycolours​ @rebursting​

Ah yes, pops meema and fish. ‘But they’re not even in the Fire Emblem community’, I hear you say. WELL TOO DIDDLYDARN BAD, I reply, THEY’RE STILL THE FAM RIDE OR DIE. The last couple years+ have been a delight with you three, and you get permanent spots in my heart and on any and all infrequent bias lists I’ll ever make because firstly I Love You and secondly I just feel like I’ve benefitted immensely from knowing you. You guys taught me a lot, you’ve been inspirations, I’ve bounced so many ideas and had so many good times off/with you and I’m always jelly-kneed overjoyed over the moon whenever I think about how lucky I am to be able to call you guys my friends. The Best, all of you ought to follow them regardless of fandom. >:,T

HONESTLY THOUGH I REALLY DOUBT I COULD PUT INTO WORDS JUST HOW IMPORTANT YOU THREE ARE TO ME, I honestly consider you three of my best friends, not just in rp but in my life in general. You three are some of the most creative and fun loving and genuinely delightful people I’ve ever met, and after years of knowing you I still can’t get over how beautifully unbelievably thought out pops’ worldbuilding always is, or how incredibly humour filled and never forced meema’s writing is, or just how entertaining and full of life fish’s characters are and I’m Love Forever

JUGDRAL CREW: @nagablooded​ @steelsilk​ @lordofthewindsong​ @sinisteriisms​  @lightbranded​ @thundergoddessoffreege​ @princeoflenster​ @holysight​

AYYYYYY LEMME TELL YOU WHEN I MADE A BLOG FOR A GENEALOGY OF THE HOLY WAR CHARACTER I WASN’T EXPECTING ANY OTHER CHARACTERS ( save for maybe a Seliph or something ) FROM THE SAME GAME MUCH LESS AN ENTIRE SUBSET COMMUNITY, BUT LO AND BEHOLD!! THERE YOU GUYS ARE!! You guys are great, the discord server’s wild and I love you all. There’s a special kind of crew-ship that comes from being a bunch of folks playing characters from a lesser recognised part of a bigger franchise amiright. Anywho it’s always a delight talking to you guys, you do you >BV

M’KNIGHT MIMI/NOÉMI: @holysight​

does mimi getting her own spot even surprise anyone at this point considering she practically runs my hecking blog and about 50% of all my threads on here and a good 90% of all my memes are with/tagged by her smh

MIMI, THE SIGURD TO MY ARVIS, THE PROTAG TO MY ANTAG, THE CONSTANT VOICE NAGGING IN THE BACKGROUND ALWAYS THREATENING TO BEAT ME UP WHENEVER I SHOW UP IN A GROUP CHAT WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY VOWING TO DEFEND ME FROM THE WORLD SOMEHOW. Oh boy where do I even start. You’re hands down the best buddy I’ve made within this community and I always get this awfully huge grin on my face whenever a message notification pops up in my IMs from you, WHICH IS SOMETHING. I definitely didn’t expect to have gotten to like someone so much in such a brief amount of time in a relatively new community and yet HERE WE ARE, your writing’s beautiful, your characterisation is beautiful, your whole dang blog’s beautiful, your bully face is beautiful, you’re beautiful. Mimi For President Of Pigeon’s Blog 2k17

SURPRISE!!: @desbearer​

YOU’RE HERE FOR A VERY SPECIFIC SPECIAL REASON

We’ve never interacted on this blog, we don’t speak super often ooc and we don’t talk on the daily. Why, then, are you on this list? BECAUSE, FUN FACT, WHEN YOU MADE THE TBFLYE GROUP VERSE AND POPS SEIZED ME BY THE ANKLES AND HAD ME ( gladly tbh, it’s always such a thrill ) JUMP IN WITH YURI I SAT THERE THINKING ‘HEY, I OUGHT TO BRING A SECOND CHARACTER INTO THIS FOR A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE BUT IDK, I’D PROBABLY NEED TO MAKE A NEW ONE. WHO’D BE A GOOD CHARACTER TO PLAY THAT’D FIT INTO A MURDERVERSE WELL??’ and BOOM, I wound up making Arvis on a mostly spur of the moment decision thinking it’d be fun to play a villain for once in a murder game setting. The first blogs I interacted with on this blog weren’t even fire emblem blogs, they were from your hecking murderverse, so if it weren’t for you this blog wouldn’t exist at all!! And for that I am immensely grateful

That and also, you know, you’re a phenomenal writer so more people ought to follow you >:T

A COUPLE OF COOL CATS: @murdermage​ @naglfcr

You two!! We haven’t talked all that much out of character beyond tags yet, but you two are super fun to get to rp with!! RP is a wonderful hobby where people get to express themselves by masquerading as characters they like online and working through scenario exercises throwing them at other characters, but every once in a while you find a single poppy in a field of rye that really just seem to take a character and run with them and make them their own while also totally getting a real handle on the character’s personality so that they seem like they’ve got their minds down pat, and I’m lucky enough to have found a pair of poppies. Henry is such an eccentric character that it always seems like it’s easy to just fly off the handle with him, but you play him in a way that does away with none of his eccentricity without tossing out the fact that his time with the Shepherds is starting to help him grow as a person, and I love that!! And every time you respond with Lyon it’s like I’m talking with Lyon; you’ve got what I think is a perfect take on his character, his psyche and all his hesitation and imperfections, and I adore that. You two keep being gr12 BV

YOWSA ON THAT WORLDBUILDING/CHARACTER FOCUS THOUGH: @i-nsubordination @ofimitations

                                                                      OH BOY

Let it be said now that I l o v e worldbuilding. It’s the best thing ever. I live for it. When a person devotes enough of their time to do real research and/or familiarises themselves intimately enough with a work in media to basically be able to recount it and call specific quotes up from it like it’s a piece of referential academia I weep with joy. When they go further than that to go further than canon and build and develop intimate, detailed facts about not only their character but about the environment surrounding their character I basically backflip over the moon. You two?? You’ve got to be a pair of the most devoted to worldbuilding and character study-ing blogs I’ve ever seen, and I live for it. We don’t even have to interact for me to get excited!! I get more alert whenever I see you guys on the dash, because whether it’s a thread or a headcanon post or just general conjecture pointing something out from canon I know I’m in for a stellar time with you two. You’re both a couple of my all time favourite blogs, not just in Fire Emblem but on tumblr in general. You do some truly beautiful work.

GENERAL LOVE:

There are way too many lovely blogs for me to be able to specifically talk about all of them, so I’ll list a bunch of my favourites off the top of my head!! Even then, I’m probably missing a bajillion because I’ve just come across that many wonderful blogs and people here, which is saying something!! From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for showing any interest in me and for just doing the things that you do. You brighten up every dash you show up on. Onto the list!!

@incoronat @godpick @hikaup @sonxfdoom @quiveringshaft @wyvernbourne @windmxgic @exaltstolen @eirikc @exaltcurse @reginlcif @tacentpennae @youmaggots @invisibleimpossibilities @ikyc @praeceptumx @drakoonica @fellheaven @gentlexbloom @grandschemed @heiwanoryu @honorbourne @kazealous @laceur @zofiavanguard @nesufuratu @noblejourney @pacianse @nobiliis @pitifullypious @thcrcn @timidtaguels @sablya @ncblelineage @naschkattze @southfaire @northfaire @healor @heiwanoryu

[terkaznebes]

2019 - the year of the Shrimp

Now that time is drawing near, I have decided to compile my thoughts on pregnancy. What I really don’t understand is that how come making babies is so much fun but pregnancy is such a drag? Talk about being played by nature. I found out I was pregnant at the beginning of July and few weeks later I had a beautiful photo of my uterus to prove it. Of course we wanted a baby, we just didn’t expect it would happen right away and when I travelled back home after year and a half of being away, there was a party or two, a wedding and a few gin and tonics. What can I say? At my first hospital appointment the midwife asked and straight away answered: “How many alcoholic beverages have you had since pregnant, none?” Haha.

I found out in Prague after a beautiful trip with my friends, I messaged in the group asking if everyone is feeling a “bit weird” after the lunch we had yesterday. No? Just me then? Confirmed with a big plus on a pregnancy test. Soon after I had every symptom in the book of “what to expect when expecting”, that’s the kind of good quality literature we have in the household now. It has a super healthy and happy expectant mother on the cover. I had the worst nausea, I couldn’t eat what I normally eat and I haven’t pooped in days. Except for that one time when I had an emergency when walking our family dog in the forest. I only managed to tie her to a branch and the whole time she was giving me judgemental looks. It’s not like she is the biggest lady when it comes to it. The rest of the time in Czech Republic was spent in haze, half sleeping only summoning enough energy to teach my yoga classes.

The flight to the Gold Coast was possibly one of the worst ones yet and I was so grateful for my packed lunch because airplane food is normally disgusting, but airplane food in your first trimester is hell. I had a never ending jet lag that felt like depression. Did you ever cry watching How I met your mother? The all knowing literature said this all goes away with the first trimester so at this time more often then not, I caught myself thinking: “Yeah if you could just go ahead and grow from a blueberry to a king prawn that would be great.” 

And away it went - thank god. I started teaching and practicing yoga as much as I could and I really feel like it was a very harmonic time in my life. I had way to much time on my hands, so I started painting, I decorated the nursery beautifully, I made homemade granola probably for everyone we know. It’s definitely not ideal becoming pregnant when you are unemployed because turns out, it’s not really easy finding a job in the first trimester when you feel like throwing up all day and not easier still when it’s visible that you probably won’t stay in the job for very long. And yes, it was fantastic being a yoga teacher, but as a person who is used to being busy and knows that rest is only great when well deserved, this was not ideal. Even still, even thought I am complaining now, I will be returning in thoughts to this time of my life as a very peaceful time. When I was painting the bunting in the next room and listening to Lukas working away in the other and thinking how happy we are, how harmonic our life is and how fantastic it is just to think about healthy food, our balcony garden, sustainable household and just really understanding the meaning of “life is a beach” not “bitch”. 

At seven months, I had to stop teaching yoga and stop practicing at eight and now in the ninth month, I was told I shouldn’t even swim. Hopeless. I think the reason I have only gained 10kg is because my muscle turned to fat and everyone knows fat is lighter than muscle.

To be fair ever since doing nothing, my pains have subsided. I had a horrible back and ribcage pain, which I thought was unbearable until the bruised/torn belly muscle showed up. I barely ever go to a doctor unless I absolutely have to, but when I do, I make sure it’s something super serious like a bruised muscle. This is the second time it has happened along with that bruised intercostal muscle back in March last year. I started laughing when the obstetrician told me, so I explained what’s funny and he said: Everything is serious when you are 36 weeks pregnant. So sweet! 

Ever since my sporting activities were banned, my friend Lucy suggested I should start knitting and damn I enjoy knitting. My former colleague Dean started calling me grandma and asked if I ever heard of Nintendo :D So for the last two weeks you can almost exclusively find me in my baby feeding chair watching Homeland and knitting. I guess I sound really boring to some, I even bore myself to be honest. I know one day though, I will think I wish I could just sit and knit and be completely at peace. 

Now before I move onto another episode of Homeland (highly recommend this TV show btw), let me just tell you about my birthday and baby shower weekend. I haven’t celebrated much in the last two years, even though I still got special surprises from Luky. That’s why this year, before becoming a mom (geez sounds serious), I really wanted to have a party just celebrating me. Luky went away around 5AM on the day of my birthday and I didn’t pick him up at the airport until 8PM that evening. So I really didn’t expect him to plan anything given how busy he has been lately. But guess what? He still keeps stepping up his game as the best events manager and boyfriend in the world. Once we got home he suggested a walk on the beach where there was the most beautiful set up with blankets, pillows, strawberries, heart shaped cake, fairy lights, candles and champagne on ice with glasses. We cuddled and watched the stars and the moon until late night. So cheesy, so corny so unbelievably amazing. I will tell you more about this night soon. 

The baby shower next day was supposed to be a casual BBQ, but when I have put all the things needed into one pile, it was more than 4 trips to the car and it started pouring down rain just as we were headed to the venue on the grass under the trees overlooking the sea. We had to find a last minute location but it still worked out anyway. And it was a great afternoon, my friend Eva bringing all the blankets and pillows, helping me out with the food, Lisa organised the most amazing cake and baby games and Luky surprised me with more flowers and a handwritten letter from my family. My Czech Friends gave me a yoga bolster that I have wanted for so long and everyone else brought beautiful baby presents and one Champagne bottle for later. Also from Lisa, Saga and Joel I got a bracelet with the Tree of Life and Saga singing hip hip hooray just made my morning. I was so touched, so emotional and grateful for everyone in my life, for all the effort that everyone has made, for all the flowers, just for everything, I felt like I can’t even deserve it. I couldn’t fall asleep until early morning hours because I just kept thinking. I must have been born under a lucky star. 

My yogi friends

The night of my birthday <3

The beautiful present 

Cake time! 

The set up on our beach with GC lights in the background. 

My project! 

All the flowers. 

Baby shower cake <3

All the amazing people. 

My favourite kids. Kids can be cool too you know! :D 

Kate and Maria <3 

And the playground gang. 

[3652k17]

June 16th 2020

It’s been a busy few days and this has been the first full day that I’ve spent at home. I’m not sure if I used the day fully, as I still haven’t done a lot of school work, despite signing up for summer school, but I did get a good few things accomplished. Oh what’s that? You want a brief recap of the last few days? Well all right, you asked for it! 

Well on Thursday we had our last department meeting and it was the last time I saw Dana. Although she’s not the same teacher that I first met four years ago, I will never forget all that she did for me my first year. She was patient and helpful and oh so kind. I hope that I can one day be a cohort lead like her that first year. Anyway, we all got together again for an awkward race talk with Doug the following day. I think it’s true that we have to have those conversations. There so much bad in the world and there has been for so long. It’s time that we start having those awkward conversations, I’m just not sure how to really contribute as someone who is not of colour. Which makes me feel horrible and lame, but hopefully I’ll figure out some things to say by the end of the summer. Friday we also had our mini meeting about summer school, which was good because I was able to see Ben again before the summer. He makes me annoyed and frustrated, but I’m I think our friendship (haha I feel like he would NOT count me as one of his friends) is one of my favourite things that’s come out of this year. He’s a good mentor and I hope that I’m able to learn a lot more from him next year. Same with Becca. I know that deep down I’d LOVE to teach a class with him, but I know that even deeper down that they are meant to teach together. They reach and get kids in a way that I never will. They’re natural teachers and it’s so awesome to watch. 

Friday night Dad hosted his international beer night (conveniently timed as NOVA went into Phase II) /his goodbye party for Christian. He had a good turn out, although I found Christopher a real arsehole. Still, it’s his party so I guess enjoy it while you can. Maddy and I were able to hang which was nice and there was a lot of good food. Saturday morning I got up a little late, as the party had gone on to about 1:30 and we all weren’t in bed until at least 2, and ran off to play tennis with Sarah. We had a really good game and I’m hoping she’s cool with making it a weekly thing. After that I came home and called Richard and we had a good catch up. It’s hard to tell if we’d be pals if he lived here or not. I guess I just like him for being so opinionated. He’s not afraid to say what he’s thinking and there’s something so nice about that. I also am 100% sure he judges the shit out of me, but maybe I need that? 

After that I headed out (I know again??!) to Sarah and Ryan’s friend’s Gavin’s house for a cookout. It was a pleasant evening and it felt nice to be in a group of friends again. I know that since that night (and before) I’ve said a lot of disparaging things about them, and although they are not who I’d usually hang with, I realised that I really need an attitude check. I’m NOT that much fun to hang out with, so why am I being so judgemental of these guys? Maybe it’ll get better if I’m lucky enough to hang with them again. A group of friends, even if they’re not 100% you cup of tea, are still better than no friends. I mean I think it’s hard because I’ve seen a good group of friends with Sarah before and these guys aren’t like that. But even though we had some FANTASTIC times together, we also had some downright shitty times, and in the end they weren’t that great of friends, so maybe it’s a good thing they’re not the same. Maybe this is growing up. If they ask me to do things in the future, well from here on out, I’m going to be positive about it because I’m incredibly lucky to be involved. I’m not funny, I’m not witty, I’m not pretty; I have a lot of boring anecdotes and manish features, so if they’re kind enough to put up with me, I’m going to be grateful. 

Sorry for that small digression. On Sunday morning I got up wicked early (HAHAHA compared to earlier in the school year, I slept in pretty badly) and headed over to pick up Maddy, so that we could go for a bike ride on the trail with Sarah and Ryan. It was a mysteriously cold morning (especially for June) and afterwards we had a good breakfast together. It’s nice that Maddy can play with these new friends, even if she judges them even more than me. After we got back I just hung around and went to sleep really early. I mean, in fairness, that had been more activity than I had done in a long while. Plus, it was good to find ways to do something other than run, as I’m sadly only 50% mended. 

Yesterday, I saw Lauren and Tomo. I went and played some tennis with Lauren ( I swear I’m getting much better, although my backhand still has something to be said for) and then we all went to a winery. It was such a beautiful afternoon and the winery was virtually empty, which was great. We spent about an hour there and then, as I was already in the area, I asked if I could stop by Becca and Ian’s. I was definitely nervous to ask, as I know how they’ve been about COVID because of their lil guy, but I so desperately wanted to see them. I’ve been able to Facetime Becca a lot but, I used to see her EVERYDAY. Same with Ian. So I just miss them. When I finally got to see her and him I actually got genuinely excited. I didn’t realise how much I had missed just sitting out in the garden with them until that moment. We talked for hours until she had to go back in and take care of things, but we are set to see Alison at a winery next week, so hopefully that will be fun. 

Which brings us all the way to the quietness of today. It was a much needed rest and it just shows you how unbelievably blessed I am to have this life. I’m actually kind of excited to see what this summer brings. I don’t know if it’ll be anything worth writing about, but fear not, I’m obliged to recount everything. 

[gjgriff736]

Well, folks.  My week back at it has been unbelievably busy.  I went to New York Comic Con and attended book launches for Saeed Jones and Zadie Smith.  I’m tired!  This is gonna be a long one, so stick with me.  Okay, let’s get to it.

NEW YORK COMIC CON

So this year, I went to New York Comic Con no longer a newbie.  I went with the focus of someone who knew how things work.  Was it perfect?  Of course not.  But did I have fun?  I absolutely did.

Instead of killing myself to try and make every single panel, talk and event, I strategically chose what I would do.  I mean, I have a regular job so I had to take that into consideration (Note to Self:  TAKE THE WEDNESDAY BEFORE NYCC OFF!).  So I skipped Thursday and Friday and just made sure to show up on Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday was a day of panels, which meant I basically stayed inside the Hulu Theatre at Madison Square Garden all day.  I attended panels for The Walking Dead, where Danai Gurira (Michonne) talked about her last season with the show, and we all learned that Lauren Cohan (Maggie) would be making her return.  Cailey Fleming, who plays Judith Grimes, came to her first NYCC and she handled the crowds like a pro.

I had a break until the next panel, so I made my way to Johnnie Walker’s pop-up for the brand’s Game of Thrones-inspired whiskey tasting.  At one of New York City’s art galleries, I was able to taste A Song of Ice, which was smooth and tasted great in a mixed drink I tried called Queen in the North, and A Song of Fire, a spicy and stronger version.  Guests sampled both whiskeys, struck a pose in the photo booth (including yours truly) and interacted with each other.  It was a lot of fun.

Afterwards, I headed back to the Hulu Theatre for the Castle Rock panel.  Attendees were treated to the Season 2 premiere episode and it was BANANAS!!  Season 1 already had me on edge, but Season 2 is going to be absolutely crazy.  The audience was not ready for what happened in the episode and neither will the rest of you.  Lizzy Caplan as Annie Wilkes is a dream!  Get ready for her take on an iconic character when the show airs on October 23.

Once the screening was over, the cast took to the stage for a lively discussion about the season, even though they couldn’t say too much without spoiling anything.  I was fine with that because I want to be surprised.  I’m pretty sure I’m going to be more than surprised when I watch.

Once the Castle Rock panel was over, it was time to prepare for Outlander, a show and book series I adore.  I’ve been to three screenings/panels for the show so far (twice at NYCC) and it’s ALWAYS a great time.

One of the things that happens between panels is what I call the Seat Shuffle.  Hulu Theatre is not cleared out after each panel, so attendees who stick around for the next one have the chance to move to a better seat, if they can.  I already had a pretty good seat for Castle Rock, but I moved anyway.  I found an even better seat closer to the stage and sat with some die-hard fans of the show.  We talked, laughed and sang songs during a contest we could have easily won had we jumped on stage to participate (if you don’t know the words to the Saved By The Bell theme song, I don’t want to know you).

As always, the Outlander panel was so much fun.  The cast was so funny and very gracious to the fans.  David Berry, who plays fine ass Lord John Grey was especially charming and I was psyched to see Duncan Lacroix, who plays Murtagh, on the stage.  One of the funniest things during the panel was hearing the cast say lines from the show in a New York accent.  Caitriona Balfe won that challenge easily when she delivered her lines sounding like she grew up in the Boogie Down Bronx.

Since Season 5 was still being filmed, there was no screening of the premiere episode, but fans did get to see the new trailer for the season.  As always, Claire and Jamie have to deal with some mess, but they deal with that mess together and still very much in love.

And finally, I watched the Season 10 premiere of The Walking Dead.  The gang is in full-on training mode after the Whisperers massacre, Carol and King Ezekiel are still broken up (dammit), Michonne is still kicking walker ass and this season looks like we’re gonna see an Alpha/Carol showdown.

Sunday was not as busy, but I did attend a couple of cool book panels.  The highlight of my day was meeting and taking a picture with author N.K. Jemisin, and folks, I was a damn geek.  I am normally very cool when I meet celebrities or authors but for some reason, I geeked out when I met Nora (yes, that’s how she introduced herself to me so that’s what I get to call her now).  But she was incredibly gracious and handled my spazzing like a champ.  After that, I walked around so I could take pics of all the cosplayers.  As always, attendees went above and beyond.  See all of my pics from NYCC below.

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SAEED JONES

The next evening, I had the pleasure of attending the book launch for Saeed Jones’s new memoir, How We Fight For Our Lives.  The launch was held at BAM Fisher in Brooklyn.  The event began with a reading by a young student named Jada Wilkinson, a senior in high school chosen to read her work.  This young queen read her poem, “Removal,” which was powerful and moving.  With her amazing blue hair, strong voice and beautiful smile, Ms. Wilkinson had our attention and received a rousing round of applause when she was done.  I hope to feature her one day on this blog, and I made sure to meet her (and her mother) to tell her so.

After the reading, Mr. Jones came running out to give Ms. Wilkinson a giant hug and to congratulate her on the poem.  He then read from the poem at the beginning of his book called “Elegy with Grown Folks’ Music” and then part of the first chapter.  I loved the poem because it perfectly captures how kids feel the first time they realize that their parents were other people before they were parents.

After his reading, Mr. Jones was joined on stage by playwright extraordinaire Lynn Nottage.  The two of them together made for a truly wonderful talk, both providing the audience with the kind of engagement you hope to have when you attend a book event.  Mr. Jones is gregarious and witty, with a personality that makes you want to be friends with him immediately.  Ms. Nottage provided the soothing but also empowering side, drawing the audience into her own experiences and how she reacted to the book.  This talk was something special, and I’m always grateful to be able to attend these events.  See pics below.

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ZADIE SMITH

People, this was the talk I had been waiting for.  I have been a fan of Zadie Smith’s since I read her debut novel, White Teeth in college.  I’ve read just about all of her books and essays (I still need to read Autograph Man) and I was lucky enough to see her at BAM’s annual event “Eat, Drink & Be Literary.”  But this time, I would get to see her up close and personal.  She did not disappoint.

Held at the Barnes & Noble Union Square location, fans listened to Ms. Smith read from her new collection of short stories, Grand Union.  Her voice is made for reading and I was soon in her thrall (yes, I know that sounds dramatic).  Once she was done, Ms. Smith and The New Yorker‘s Vince Cunningham engaged in a great discussion about the book and what her life is like now that she lives in New York full time.  One of the things Ms. Smith says she enjoys is people watching.  If you’ve never done it, people watching in New York City is a blast.  You will see so many different types of people of all ages, sizes, temperaments, etc.  I love people watching in NYC and often wonder what they’re thinking about as they walk by.  It was nice to know that Ms. Smith enjoys doing that, as well.

After the talk, guests were given the chance to have their books signed.  Before you ask, of course I got my book signed.  And I got to chat with her briefly, as well.  I kept my cool and spoke to her like a normal human being.  She was absolutely lovely.  See the pics below.

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And that was my week!  I had such a great time and I hope the rest of the year proves to be just as full of literary goodness.  Stay tuned.

My Week: Comic Con, Saeed Jones & Zadie Smith Well, folks.  My week back at it has been unbelievably busy.  I went to New York Comic Con and attended book launches for Saeed Jones and Zadie Smith. 

[zoejhargrave]

The heart and dedication of a Muay Thai trainer. A moment with Blair.

There’s no denying that I think a lot of Blair - I am marrying him after all! There are many parts of him that I love, from his quit witted humour, to his kind nature, his ability to make you think deeper about life and its surroundings and of course, his dedication to his work and those he mentors/trains. 

Blair wakes between 4am-4.20am Monday through to Saturday. A cup of coffee and a kiss goodbye is on the cards each morning before he shoots off. He never complains when the alarm goes off and the attitude he displays each day is a true indication of why he is where he is today - A manager, a coach and highly respected. 

When Blair and I first got together, he told me he was trying to fulfil his dream of becoming a full time Muay Thai trainer. At this stage, he was working around the clock to build up his clientele. I never doubted for a second that he’d make it. And here he is, almost three years later, running men’s groups, coaching fighters, changing lives and being the person he set out to be. 

I had never considered any form of martial arts - maybe it was my lack of coordination or fear of failure, but along with Blair, Muay Thai has changed my life. It wasn’t until I begun training that I understood the connection that is created between the mind and the body. I started my Muay Thai journey by doing one on one sessions with Blair, which developed to joining the classes, which developed to a new found sense of self and confidence. 

Urban Fight Gym has become a second home, made me feel fitter than I’ve ever been and has helped me form some of the most special friendships I’ve ever had. This place isn’t just a gym, it’s a place that makes you feel welcome the second you step foot inside. Age is no barrier, and no matter where you are on your fitness journey, you are commended simply for being there and dedicating your time to focus on your health and wellbeing. 

In the middle of the hustle and bustle of our different working lives and regular weekend fight shows, Blair and I spend time playing overly competitive games of UNO, taking the piss out of one another, hiking, laughing, travel planning, adventuring, wedding planning (actually I do this and he just smiles and nods) and enjoying this wonderful life journey that we’ve been put on together. I respect Blair on both a personal and professional level. Anyone who knows him understands how much Urban Fight Gym and its family mean to him. A coach with heart, drive and a true connection to the sport and creating a positive impact on lives. 

A moment with Blair...

When do you first remember falling in love with martial arts/Muay Thai? I was alway interested in martial arts, I loved watching all the movies as a kid. I first tried Muay Thai at 18 after doing a year of karate and fell in love with it straight away.

You put in some seriously hardworking hours to help individuals of all ages, genders and fitness levels to help achieve personalised goals. What is the most rewarding part of being a trainer? The most rewarding part is doing exactly the things you listed above... it is such a great feeling watching people realise their true potential and achieving their said goals.

A lot of people have told me they admire how calm of an exterior you hold during training and while cornering fights. I admire this about you too, because you always encourage me to slow down and take deep breaths in moments of overwhelm. Muay Thai focuses a lot on mental capacity building. Why is it important for you to demonstrate this to those you train? Because when you’re in the ring, the fighter is in both a huge physical and mental battle, fight or flee kicks in and I believe having that calming voice and exterior helps the fighter understand everything is ok so they can stay in the fight. Everything in Muay Thai is a constant battle with your mind, you’re constantly pushing way past comfort so having someone there with that reassuring voice is very important. 

Who have been some of your biggest inspirations/mentors throughout your life? I have quite a lot, I like to take something away from everyone I meet, however the top would obviously be my parents, they’re the most hard working, loving and caring parents I could ever have.

My uncle Warren is another big inspiration and mentor for me, his life could be a movie and he’s alway really looked after me.

The martial art side would definitely be my first trainers, Howie booth (who now judges in the ufc) Matt Toa (who runs a very successful Muay Thai and mma gym in Dunedin) and Johnny Gui (a professor in Brazilian Jiu jitsu) these guys all took me in and treated me like family and helped me with my love of the combat sport. 

Lastly my boss and friend Richard Walsh, without  him is never be doing what I’m doing. The things I’ve learned about must Thai since I started with him is unbelievable and his now mentored me into the fight trainer and manager roll at urban fight gym which I’m forever grateful. 

What keeps you inspired? The satisfaction I get from helping others.

Unfortunately your knees are a little unkind to you, so you’re not able to fight anymore. But recently you told me you get more out of helping others and enjoy being a trainer more than you enjoyed being a fighter. Given that you did have an opportunity to fight prior, how has that helped you in your role as a trainer? It’s helped because I know the feelings you get in the build up, the fight day and as your about to go out to the ring, I know the chaos of being in there so I feel I can say the right things that the fighter needs to hear and when

Recently as part of the Muay Thai grading system, you had to complete 20 rounds of sparring. Through blood, sweat and tears... and a popped out knee, you hit the finish line and earned your black singlet. You weren’t for a second going to back down. Why was it so important for you to make it to the end? I don’t like to quit or fail and I certainly wasn’t going to go through all that and pull out just to do it again haha.

While I know Muay Thai is a huge part of your life, what are some of your favourite ways to spend your free time? And what else sparks your interest? I like to rest haha, the body does take a bit of a toll. However I enjoy following basically any sport, spending time with you and Bailey, bush walks or exploring is also very high on my list.

I know you always try to encourage me to create music and put energy into fulfilling whatever dreams I have. Lucky for me, I feel like I have my own life coach sometimes! What advice would you give to anyone, young or old who wants to pursue a dream or goal like you have with Muay Thai? To be committed to the dream or goal.. if you really want it, you have to put in the work, the best things come to those who step out of their comfort zone.

And lastly, because I know you’re probably thinking “my god I hear enough questions from you at home, why are you asking me more?!”, what do you believe are some of the most important values to hold in life - whether that be professionally or personally? That’s easy, be kind to everyone, never make anybody feel smaller than you and always try and help others, one love. 

[archetypalexperience]

and so, we’re back

through some wild turns of events, I find myself revisiting this blog. in rereading the introduction i wrote three years ago, i’m grateful that i gave myself the space to let my relationship with this project remain in flux, that i didn’t set out with a rigid intention or an end date. too much telos makes the baby go blind. so, i am meeting myself where i am now--age 25, still a Sag but leaning deeply into my Cancer moon; joyfully and ragefully queer; a work in progress, like this one. 

somehow i’m onstage again. i remember the last moments of middle school, with warm air pressing on the windows of the heavy building: i wrote my name in pencil on the cinderblock windowsill on the third floor staircase that led downstairs from mr. burton’s applied art room (in which i applied myself to many things, including art, when i found the time). after that was done i stepped through a door that led to the backstage of the theater. i inhaled the sawdust and sweet sweaty smell of the curtains and closed my eyes. i can’t remember if i said it or thought it? either way a thought passed through me (”i’ll be back.”)

and now I’m back. many things (mary, emily, mj, love, my voice, charm, luck, beauty, brazenness, bravery?) have led me into the theater world of adults (all the fun and games, triple the anxiety, loathing, and fear) and through SOME MAGIC MY OWN OR NOT MY OWN i am in a production of FUN HOME. i am JOAN. even as i type this i can’t believe it’s happening (are you really here? joan joan joan joan joan hahahaha) i can’t believe this is my life, that i get to do this, that i get to wake up excited to go to “WORK” to sing and dance and be a lesbian onstage playing a lesbian. i’m getting paid a ton more than i’m used to making, too. i am so unbelievably lucky. lucky, brave, blessed, charmed? I don’t know. I don’t know how I got here, i am here, i am so elated to be here. WHO DESIGNS THIS WORLD? THE ARC OF THINGS? a funny guy, a joker. 

as part of my immersion into fun home in this new body (myself, a few years after first encountering it) i’m rereading the book. it sways me, shocks me, makes me squirm still. it all comes back! and resonates in new and curious ways. and the musical is beautiful--what else to be said about it? it’s a gorgeous piece of work, like the book, like alison the real human, like me. rich and deep and full of confusion, mystery, shocking beauty. look at me, i’m gushing. i feel gushy. life feels squishy and good right now and i’m gushing all over everything, leaving puddles of myself in new places. more on rediscovering the book later. i want to talk about remembering and reapproaching this book list that i made (i can’t find the hard copy of it! i wrote it in black pen on a mailing label, and it hasn’t resurfaced. maybe it’ll fall out of another book sometime)

in my current iteration of this project, i am now reading:

- gyn/ecology

-word is out

-sappho was a right-on woman

i have in my grasp:

-washington square

-earthly paradise

more soon. 

[blancagriswold]

Our Boobless Bride Dawn on her first wedding anniversary

Today, its our Boobless Bride Dawn‘s first wedding anniversary with Steve and she has written a very special post telling us all about their first year of Marriage. NB: brace yourselves for a hell of a read. It breaks my heart to see a very dear friend of mine have to go through this. But its so important we all talk about it and help in any way we can. ~ Maria 

All photographs by Maria Farrelly Photography

My First Year Of Marriage

It’s hard to believe that it was a year ago that my sister-in-law Beth and I embarked on the first part of the marriage adventure. We headed to Wrexham to collect Jessie, the VW Split Camper. Wedding car, Honeymoon, Taxi and Camping adventure. I still remember the fear of the ‘slow brakes’ as we started rolling down the side of a mountain. And to be honest, that was the scariest part of the whole wedding. I found myself the day of the wedding – composed, excited and just so so happy.   I know that your wedding day is supposed to be the best day of your life, for a lot of brides it is the total opposite. But for me it was. It was bursting with laughter, love, fun and a massive party with all those around me that I love. Everybody had an absolute blast and it made Steve and I very aware of how fortunate we are to have such loving friends and family around us.So, we toured Wales in ‘Jessie’ and loved our family camping trip. We were a proper family – not conventional but still a happy little family; Me, Steve, Imogen, Madeleine and Yvie. Made up of step parents, parents, step kids and daughters but so unbelievably happy. It reminded me that the happiest times are being together, not spending money and paying for theme parks; but playing rounders, surfing and playing games together. Although it was not an ‘easy holiday’ it was perfect. At the time, this was THE honeymoon. However, thanks to the wedding party’s generosity, we were able to have a beautiful honeymoon in Mauritius – just the two of us! (Admit it, you just sang that in your head). We met some fantastic friends and enjoyed some ‘us time’. However, as in life nothing is perfect – while we were away Steve was head hunted for a dream job (so negotiations were rife throughout the trip) and the sale of our house fell through. It was a very harsh reminder that even in paradise, life has a funny way of throwing things your way. Little did we know how much could change in a year! And this crap was nothing to worry about.

When we got back to ‘real life’ we worked hard to re-sell the house and finally found the house of our dreams. I had lost my father in the April, so when we found this house – I felt like my dad had somehow played a part in it. My dad’s Chinese sign – a dragon, everything at his funeral was blue as he was a MASSIVE Blue Bird supporter. This was a blue house, on Dragon Way; it was destined to be. While Steve worked like a dog, I was able to co-ordinate the house being turned into ‘ours’. Every single part of it was chosen together; the decorating, light fittings, furniture, colour scheme, bedding… you name it, we chose it together. (Like most couples I showed Steve what I liked, we ‘discussed’ it until he realised I was right and then he agreed. Like I said, we chose it ‘together’ lol.) For the first time in a long time I felt Steve and I were truly together; married, living together and settled. Don’t get me wrong, I paint this as a blissful event – but it was far from it; chasing workmen, tidying dust and constant tip runs made married life stressful in the beginning. Poor Steve coming off nights to a constant sound of workmen and machinery. But we got there – because we ALWAYS made time for each other. By Christmas our happy ever after was here. My follow up scans were clear, my check-ups good and I had just started applying for new jobs to start in Easter/Summer.

Steve and I know how important time is. Time together. Proper dates. So every Friday we did something even if only a film. Then once a fortnight we embarked on alphabet dating and had some incredible fun doing them; Arcades, Boat trips, Clay Pigeon Shooting, Devon, Egg Hunt, Forests, Glamping, H…..

Then BAM… it’s all totally f*@cked up! A lump. A BLOODY LUMP! The C word didn’t even give me chance to enjoy my happy ever after. Didn’t even get half way through the bloody alphabet. How can I have had a check-up less than a month ago and now the dreaded lump – the lump that tells me I’ve definitely lost my battle with C. She’s won. I know now the hope of a long happy ever after was gone… as if it returned in less than 2 years it would be incurable. Through my tears and shaking body I held on to the hope that I had caught it early enough to remove it and start again with treatment – but I knew that was a long shot. Scans, scans and more scans, and I’m given my prognosis. Terminal. That bloody word. The word you only want to see at an airport. Ok, so 10 years…. 5 years…. Nope – the average is 11 months. How? I feel so well?! This was not supposed to happen. Not so soon after having my happy ever after. FFS. What have I done to deserve this hand? I ask myself this question daily.   It’s part of my mantra these days.

I’d be lying if I said I’m not terrified of death, what happens when I die… the horrible thoughts that we all push to the back of our minds as they make our tummy’s flip and mouth dry out. But through my own anguish and heartache the real pain I feel every day is for my girls. My poor girls. 12 and 8 years old. How can life be so cruel. Then I think of my poor Steve. How selfish it was of me to pull him into this nightmare… thinking love would get us through. Then my poor mum, brother John and his wife Beth. They haven’t fully grieved over the loss of my dad and here they are again – living this nightmare with me every day in true ‘Abram’ style. Solid. Brave. Defiant. We close ranks and rally around and we are a force to be reckoned with.

Life will never EVER be the same again. It is so unfair. Two perfectly healthy people have 2 beautiful girls. Who would believe 7 years on our girls would have both parents terminally ill. It is unbelievable! So as he has every other time before, my Angel is there… by my side, never faltering. Putting up with my mood swings, my utter despair and yet still looking at me as if I am the most beautiful person in the world. I thought he was my angel. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he is my children’s angel. The person who can help raise them as a team effort with my wonderful family.

My friends have all been incredible too, all helping in their own little ways. One came around to make random cocktails (and have a looooong lie in the next day) – Sorry A! Others have sat drinking tea and watching films. Some have helped financially while others have entertained the girls. Some have even enabled me to do special days with the girls like trying on wedding dresses (Staff at Do You Believe are legends) while others have organised fund raisers that proved to be a legendary after school party. Some have organised photo sessions, others have sent me photos from times gone by. Some people I have never even met have donated – it’s incredible, others have reached out on social media. Every single one playing their part in the drama that is my life. From school, college, uni, work, ponty, holidays – you name it, they’ve been there. One has touched base with her god daughter all the way from Tel Aviv and one has even gone as far as to get married – just for me! (lol… okay – it may be because she’s in love with her soldier, but we both know really, she’s getting married this year so that I can be there and enjoy her special day with her). All in all… I have simply amazing friends. This kindness gives me strength every day. I love you all and can never tell you how grateful I am and do it justice.

So now it’s time to stop crying and FIGHT. FIGHT HARDER THAN I HAVE EVER FOUGHT. So here I am on a clinical trial… praying for my miracle. I am reminded daily that a long life is unachievable. I keep telling my clinical team that I WILL be that miracle that sits there in a few months and is told that I am NED. The most amazing letters in the alphabet. No Evidence of Disease. (This would mean I am still incurable – but am keeping the cancer under control). With Triple Negative Cancer, it tends not to be receptive to treatment – but, for some it does and no one knows why they are the lucky ones. So I remind my nurses and Doctors that I am indeed the chosen one. I see their looks sometimes; a mix of fear that I do not understand the severity of my situation and sadness that I am deluding myself as experience says I am wrong. But I don’t buy it. No-one will tell me when I am going to die. I will decide… and it will be when there are ZERO options left as I will try everything! I will NOT go down without a fight.

So screw you Cancer. This is only the FIRST of MANY anniversary’s with my man. I mean the present I got him is legendary – I have to be able to buy more. Where there is life there is hope. Where there is love there is hope and where there is hope there are miracles. And if my fight is not as long as I hope it will be – I have had the privilege of knowing my fate. I have been able to do memory days with the girls, talk through memories and photographs and simply be together. Not stuck is school, marking every night, working 70 hours a week. Good. Quality. Family Time. So, you see, I am not the cursed one I thought I was – I am blessed. Not many mums are lucky enough to have this special time. So, as I go off to my romantic weekend in Cornwall with tranquillity and a hot tub, I thank you… all of those that have helped and continue to do so. You know who you are – too many to mention. But I beg you – every single bride… follow my very simple rules in life and you will be happy;

Live every moment

Laugh every day

Love beyond words

Dance like no one is watching.

Wow, Dawn my lovely… you know how much I value our friendship. You are one very special woman! Myself and all the other Cwtch girls are right here for you and will do everything we can to help! (even if that means making more cocktails ;) ~ Maria x 

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