#i can't wait to trauma dump and I hope they can show me how to overcome my social anxiety

[pxrplepolkadots]

🤗

[hongtiddiez]

4 minutes ep 1 raw reactions

idk if i'm gonna delve too deep into this and do my normal analysis so for now i'll just type up my raw reactions as i'm watching lmao.

the title sequence is fucking stunning, obsessed.

ooh he has a maine coon. rich boy maybe? expensive cat and nice apartment.

i really enjoy that the heartbeat sounds in the elevator scene sound like a heartbeat heard through an ultrasound. very interesting.

but umm. if you're having severe chest pain and trouble breathing please see yourself to the hospital my friend???

oh ok definitely a rich boy, hello fancy car.

AAAAAA BAS, IT'S BAS, LSKJGAI MY LOVE, GOD HE LOOKS SO GOOD

the music in this show is fucking gorgeous but like... also why so dramatic

ok so korn: transport -> investments (secret operation??? tf?) and they want great: university -> transport. got it.

ooh 12:39 okay i see you.

ooh 12:43 ok, 4 minutes, i'm listening.

OH. OH DON'T RUN THO

also like why was there a pedestrian in there???

OH. OK. INTERESTING.

i also hate that great initially ran bc now it's gonna take so much for me to like his char, which i'm sure is the point but still (；′⌒`)

aah. okay. i understand. it seems like she didn't want to do it tho. like yeah maybe suicide but... kinda seemed like suicide under coercion? or some form of intense external pressure.

HOLY SHIT JOB. THEY LET HIM OUT OF THE BE ON CLOUD VAULT. RUN BBY YOU'RE FREE.

HE'S SO THIN??? BBY ARE YOU EATING OKAY? i mean good for him if it was healthy and what he wanted tho.

this other doctor is so fucking hot tho who the fuck are you sir god DAMN. jaw for days.

ooh those dark spots on the ultrasound look like internal bleeding.

OH I'M SO SEXY AND SMART.

sexy doctor why shifty eyed??? i have a weird feeling about him. ok his name is tyme. as of rn we do not trust tyme.

more gorgeous music tho.

oh don't twirl your scissors like a douche.

he's got dead eyes and not much for facial expressions, he's freaking me out.

ew you don't even know your patient's name??? I DO NOT LIKE HIM SAM I AM, I DO NOT LIKE TYME EGGS AND HAM.

ok i dont like tyme but i WOULD like to see him and job's character fuck nasty. i am not immune to yaoi propaganda.

GOD BAS IS SO HOT I CAN'T GET OVER IT. I'VE MISSED HIM SO FUCKING MUCH. i love bible a lot but bas is everything to me. i used to reblog the same picture of him everyday. that's my sweet cheese, my good time boy, my rotten soldier.

oh i don't like this set up tho. this feels human trafficky. or like a no way in no way out. mmmm baby what do y smell is it death? OH LMAO IT'S GAMBLING. same thing kinda.

korn seems sensitive to smells, or maybe just smoke. he's just like me fr.

oooh curly hair girl isn't here to gamble, she's here for info of some kind.

OH BOYFRIEND TIME. OHHH OH I GET TO SEE BAS KISS MEN. LIKE I KNEW BC I SAW THE GIFS WHEN IT FIRST STARTED BUT UGH. I WAS NOT PREPARED. FUCK HE'S SO HOT. I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS. HELP.

the fact that he opens up to his boyfriend and talks about his troubles as much as he reasonably can o(T ▽ To)

oh my god get OFF HIM there's no way your refractory period is that short.

not a huge fan of how korn came over, dumped his issues, had sex, and left tho. not great.

obsessed with this asymmetrical collar of great's shirt tho.

yeah i do love that no one fucking asks if great is ok, how he's doing, etc. he just went through something horribly traumatic and he could've been hurt, like. yuck. and his mom seems sweet but the fake sweet, like saccharine.

ooh why does his watch say 11:00??? something's gonna happen, huh.

fuck bas has an fantastic ass. i know we saw it but it somehow looks even better in those pants, my god.

7:13...

ugh i love brothers that can only be (mostly) themselves around each other. i really hope that's the direction this is going. two gorgeous gorgeous men on my screen, just an absolute feast for my eyes.

omg wait. wait. korn doesn't like the smell of cigarettes and he doesn't want great smoking. is there cigarette trauma? or does his dislike of cigarettes come from his concern for his brother's health?

OH facial expressions from tyme!! what a little grandma's boy.

11 am....

exploring the psychological depths of near-death experiences. the '4-minutes' phenomenon.

INCHRESTING. was manee coerced into suicide by someone trying to obtain a real time test subject for this phenomenon???

ooh he took the stairs today.

4th floor... 1:10 (13:10)... room 4... 1:11 (13:11)... ran into tyme outside room 1... at 1:14 (13:14)...

so in theory is each cardiac event he's suffering technically a near-death moment which is triggering the 4 minutes phenomenon where he has an out of body moment where he can see future events???

oooh he ran into him again. perhaps to show some things are simply inevitable?

damn the end sequence is gorgeous too.

fuck. i might be obsessed. uh oh.

god damn it sammon, you got me again.

wait so back to when it was 7:13pm... 19:13... 9+1=10, 3+1=4 so more 1s and 4s ₍ ˶•̀⤙•˶ ₎ hmmm

idk if i'm cooking or burning the kitchen down but i'm excited to find out

[three--rings]

Maybe if I type this real slow it will be time for Show Now...

I'm lowkey terrified.

The episode title is Mermen. I didn't know that. Okay....WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

Yeah that was always going to be how that went.

Okay but like, can we appreciate this show, because what I'm so nervous about is essentially like the state of a man's psyche and how he resolves his trauma. Like, god Ed has to accept himself as a killer, honestly, without letting it tear himself apart, because tbh there is no getting out.

God I forgot we hadn't gotten that scene of Ed coming out of the waves yet. With the gravy basket and him waking up on the beach I forgot about it.

OMG Izzy's full speech...I'm gonna cry.

It's not the letter from ep 1 it's a more romantic one, omg I'm gonna die!1

So it's uh conforming to the opening scene. AH kiss!! Ah.

Okay my reaction just then is why no one can watch these eps with me. No one gets to see me this deranged. Not even my life partner of 25 years.

It was incredible babe!

Um, gratuitous man ass... god everyone run an tell everyone we see ass in this episode and let them freak out.

Had to go back and look up the song Al Stewart "Roads to Moscow"

Did Izzy just get shot? Is he really gonna die? I wish they would have shown it so I could tink it was a fakeout.

Fuck

That was a fucking MARVEL of a scene and it hurt so much and I'm sorry for a lot of people who are going to be very upset. I mean, I'm not happy.

I'm going to have to think about this a lot to get at how i feel about it because I am very torn.

You can't take us straight into a FUCKING WEDDING, WTF. Okay second cider time.

Fuck it's OVER. Already.

PHEW.

Who is doing this version? Of course it's not in the credits.

Okay okay thoughts....it was WAY rushed. I didn't realize they'd won when they'd apparently won?

Wait like, so it was join forces to kill this guy, then we're doing a wedding, then we're innkeepers. Like they didn't do the part where they joined forces to kill taht guy.

The fuck honestly.

Well I stand by what I said a week ago, this season was robbed of two episodes and a good amount of budget and it shows. Pacing was off, rushed, and ending unsatisfying.

so it feels like what they did was just stop mid-episode and give us an ending that would be SOMETHING if they don't get S3.

Which I can appreciate the pressure they are under in that regard.

I'm sad about Izzy. I feel like this show could have done that entire scene and then have him pull through actually. I'm sure many a fanfic will do that.

I definitely feel like this is not how or where they intended to end the story, so I hope they get a S3 and actually tie up things.

I have more to say, but I'm gonna do it in another post, one of my famous brain dump post-episode meta posts. (Now with alcohol!)

My tank top is SOAKED THROUGH with sweat.

[alienducky]

I DEMAND THAT YOU TELL ME ABOUT YOUR BLORBOS (if you want)

So I had to double check what Blorbo means, and apparently it means your favourite character? In which case may I present a good % of the FE3H cast? ;P

I just... I love most of the students in different ways for different things?

Claude is just... Claude. He has so many layers to him, being both incredibly simple (in terms of what he ultimately wants) and also stupidly complex (in how he goes about getting those things)? He wants to make connections, make friends, bring everyone together, but has been burned too many times while growing up to ever really trust anyone. He's always waiting for the other shoe to drop, for that knife to land in his back. His closest friend is Hilda who openly shits on Almyra because she's a casual racist, and that has to kill him on some level, wondering what she'd say about him if she knew, and yet she's still his best friend who he openly mourns when she goes down fighting for him? Who he can't stand the thought of losing in Hopes? He has to be in charge, of everything. Has to know all the details, make all the plans. And then makes plans for in case the first ones fail. He never stops thinking, calculating, digging up all the information available, because knowledge is power. Not just for blackmail, but because understanding your opponent means you can predict them.

Claude's just great, and I could pick him apart for hours.

Also? He has a wyvern. So, ya know. I'm very simple and predictable, ok?

I also love Leonie. She's solid, very open and honest. Kinda stubborn, but open to learning and can admit when she's wrong. Puts Lorenz in his place which is always a bonus. I want her to be my friend!

Same with Raphael and Caspar to some degree. Caspar is a little less willing to the whole learning thing, but with enough rope to tie him to the chair so he can't run away I think he'd eventually listen? Raph sees the good in everyone and everything, always willing to help, and stands up for his beliefs. They're muscle heads, but fundamentally kind people who deserve way more love than they get

Marianne is a peach who straight up talks to animals! Hilda is a riot when she pulls her head out her racist ass who has way more depth than she lets on, with the whole loyalty till death thing, and her creative side with the jewellery. I want to tease Lysithea like Claude does and feed her cake and sweets while we discuss magic. Ignatz is doing his best and the flashes of backbone he shows in early supports are amazing

Annette and Ashe are wonderful and deserve all the best things in life. Two little cinnamon rolls trying to make the best of their monuments of childhood trauma

Sylvain is.... Um. Ok, he's kinda an ass sometimes, and if he were real I'd probably hate him, but the snippets of who he could have been without all that Miklan and crest trauma? That version of him I love. The one who goes all out for his friends, who is a self sacrificing moron who hurts himself over and over because he somehow thinks it'll make things better? The one who cares so, so deeply when he lets himself, despite trying to push everyone away and keep them at arm's reach so they can't hurt him first. The version of him who is loyal to a fault, through thick and thin, and who is forever torn and on some level broken in non Blue Lion routes.

That Sylvain I love. The one behind the smiling playboy mask he shows the world.

Petra is a Bean. A Very Good Bean. She deserves all the love and kindness and all the help she wants tracking down the bastards who dragged her from her home and then made fun of her being dumped in a completely alien society. She is so damn strong, both physically (srsly she's been a crit machine in every playthrough it's insane) and mentally, I don't have the words

Thea is great in every way. She's kind and compassionate and is lethal with her snark. I want her to adopt me as her little sister and teach me her ways

Bernie needs a hug. And also all the help she wants disposing of her father because I know she's creative herself but I have some ideas if she wants them? Despite how much she wants to hide, and complains about being made to go out, she does go out to help her friends when they need her

Cyril is amazing. I love him to bits. Absolutely no fucks left to give for Hilda's bullshit. Slowly learning how to have friends. Learning to rely on people other than Rhea. He's wonderful and adorable and he'd hate me for it but I want to ruffle his hair and help him with his chores and make sure he's not getting blisters and feed him tasty Almyran food coz I bet he misses it, even if he won't admit it.

Shamir is everything I wanted to be growing up. No nonsense, take no shit, super smart, stealthy, and an archer??? She's great. I need that Marge Simpson meme

Seteth is fantastic, because once you get past that straight faced rules lawyer, he has a wicked sense of humour and a playful side and is such a dad. He's kind and caring, and he honestly does care, even if he shows it oddly

Byleth is whatever I want them to be. Blank slate, who nevertheless loves the people they pick in each route. Fierce and loyal and loving and struggling to express barely understood emotions... And putting up with Sothis being a gremlin

And then omg, Shez. Shez Shez Shez. The embodiment of no thoughts head empty. No filter, at all. Jumps off fucking cliffs for funsies. Multiple times!!!!! I just. I love Shez, ok? I am in desperate need of Shez merch, and Etsy is failing me. All I can find is the occasional sticker and I am a very sad Duckie about it

Ahem

Non FE3H is a little difficult... Mostly because 3H is my current obsession, but I guess...

Arlo and Oaks, from My Time at Portia are great? Arlo eats spaghetti, kicks down doors, and gets sweaty in the summer. Oaks is the Best Bear Boy Bean in the world. Shame the Devs dropped the ball on developing him, or giving him a decent backstory (I have so, so many questions about how he was raised)

Also, probably don't count, but the Cotton Llamas and Panbats. They are my Blorbos too. I need to finish making my third Panbat... As soon as I work out where I stashed it <__<;;;

Dys from I Was A Teenage Exocolonist is great! Little rebel baby. Also Sym, who is... Not really someone you can sum up easily? Cal is also great! I need to get back to playing this game, so I can romance him. Or not, because I want him to be happy with Tammy... Nngh

I think that's everyone I'd consider a Blorbo...? I mean, I love a bunch of other characters from different things, but none I've got out of my way to buy merch for like I have Claude (and the other students to some extent. Looking at my sticker covered table).

Sorry that got so long >__<;;;

[thejellybeanboys]

Hi its me again :D and ty for the answer's BTW i didnt mean to overwhelm or hurt Wil-Liam 😰(i was only curious cuz he had hearts in his eyes)

I have a few more questions that i forgot to add in the previous ask but i didn't get to because i was in a hurry lol

Q:

For everybody:

1:what are your biggest fears?

2:Do you have any one for valentines day???(Note:Btw you don't have to answer this one im just curious :>)

3:Worst childhood memories?(Note:You also don't need to answer this one)

4:Fav animal???Why???

5:Whats on your mind?

(NA: LOL it's fine :3 these kids are all emos and embarrassed dummies and its all in their perspective so if these little buggers are mean or acting dumb its not your fault they are teens they are like this, also rest assured that Wil-liam is okay now he's just realized that he totally has a crush lmao) (okay back to the boys)

Luis: "Oh this person again um thanks for the ask. We got another one with multiple so I guess let's do them sequentially."

Codey: "Yeah. um, first one. Oh, Easy, biggest fear is getting forced into a relationship.. even worse if it's with ugh... those misogynistic online guys."

Cecil: "Ahí no, that should be everyone's biggest fear. But um mine is...Oh, this is going to sound really shallow but...being seen as pretty by others if I was...different. Like if one day I woke up to look too different or too... materialistic idk, I'm mostly saying that I like how I look right now and I wanna believe everyone thinks I look good but what if...I looked more up to everyone's standards, then they really didn't like the real me..."

Luis: "Woah..." O.O

Jeremy: "People are dumb if they don't think you're like the prettiest thing ever like how you are now."

Cecil: "...Thank you, Jeremy." (Blushes)

Jeremy: "Oh um... heh...ah, I guess I'll say my fear is...being forced to move in with my even more transphobic aunt."

Mason: "My turn! Two words. Clown. Snakes."

Hoagie: "Mines Getting eaten. Oh come on it's obvious, I'm a snack yes but sometimes not in a good way."

Leroy: "Being a DJ for a famous celebrity but it all goes wrong and my music career tanks forever."

Otty: " Rabbits hating me, wahh I wouldn't make it if those little guys all hated me."

Wil-Liam: "... Getting rejected. And being feared...also other things."

Luis: "Cryptic...But um mine is a monkey attacking me and ripping off my ugly beautiful face, look I...I can handle primates in memes and shows, I just, eh can't do it in real life."

Leroy: "...wait isn't like your uncle a monkey?"

(Second question)

Codey, Leroy, Benny, Mason, Hoagie: "No."

Jeremy: "You see. um...(Just do it man) I WAS HOPING YOU--CECIL COULD be my VALENTINE."

Cecil: "Really?"

Jeremy: "Yeah! Um, its okay if you say no or don't say anything--I mean we could all forget I said anything--"

Cecil: "Sure."

Jeremy: "Yeah?"

Cecil: "Yeah :))"

Jeremy: "Oh...awesome..ha. Um well I'll text you the dets later. Cause were like in a middle of a question."

Cecil: "OFC, hehe. Um thank you for asking me."

Codey: "OH thank gosh."

Luis: "Wow yeah we totally didn't expect that.(sarcasm) But...ugh as for me. I don't think I'm going to give Chris a card this year. I looked but all these cards are crummy and...well it's the 8th and my time is kind of up, so I'll put that plan on hold. Oh well, I guess I'll look through this card that I just found here addressed to me, but I'll see it later."

Wil-Liam: "..."

(Third question)

Codey: "Erm yeah I don't think were okay with sharing trauma rn, look we'll dump out our personal stuff all the time but..."

Luis: "Not really feeling it...Though I'll give a quick one. One day when I was 7 my mom accidentally threw away my vintage ebay bought Webkinz...I cried."

(Fourth question)

Luis: "Easy...DOG. Best answer the only answer."

Wil-Liam: "HEHE it's only a doggy-loving world now!!"

Luis: "That's...acceptable. But everyone else is not allowed to say other animals. I just muted yall,"

Wil-Liam: "Mines are wolves...is that okay?"

(N0t_Wordgirl /command: mute) (Not mute Wolfnoob,exe)

Luis: "HA yeah!"

(last question)

Luis: "We have no thoughts."

Wil-Liam: "Head empty.

Luis: (giggling) Oh wait... I forgo to unmute everyone...eh whatever it's much better like this anyway."

Wil-Liam: (Oh word?)

[oopshisaygoodnight]

Hi Louis- my name's Anna, and I'm what some might consider a new fan. I fell down a One Direction rabbit hole this past February and haven't looked back. It's a funny feeling to embark on that sort of journey knowing there's over a decade's worth of material to go over. But the real treat has been getting to stay on top of all the news as it comes out, especially for you, in this past year. I missed you when you came to Denver this past winter, but with Faith in the Future and the upcoming tour, I cannot begin to express how excited I am at the prospect of seeing you live, and at MOTHERFUCKING RED ROCKS! I still can't get over it! And on the summer solstice??? My god. My only regret is that the stadium seating is not conducive to moshing, but I am happy to report I recently attended a concert there (Marc Rebillet), and he did successfully crowdsurf about halfway up the bleachers. Me and my friends may be petite women, but we would carry you to the very top of Red Rocks on sheer adrenaline if you asked.

Thank you for scheduling your tour so conveniently around my departure from Denver- you will be my last hurrah here and then I move back to New York City. I snagged those Stone Pony and Forest Hills pit tickets, so I will delight in alternating trying to get to the barricade for the show and opening up the pit in the back.

The main motive of this message is a bit besides all that- besides sharing my excitement, I wanted to share my story, which I hope doesn't feel like an exercise in trauma-dumping or extracting emotional labor but is just one of those I-wanted-you-to-know because there's so much of your life thats been shared with the public (and fictions created) and what else can I do to rectify what I feel might be a rather unfair trend? 

In any case, there's this apocryphal story that I read that could be entirely fiction about a fan coming up to you and talking about how your music helped her come to terms with her queerness and you were surprised and even incredulous. & even if this never happened it is true that your music has helped me come to terms with my queerness and gender identity in a way I never expected. It seems antithetical that at the ripe age of 26, after a decade of thinking that I was better than/cooler than/above all that boy-band stuff, I decided to dive in deep. And there's something wonderfully campy about looking back on the days of One Direction ruling the world (to be clear, One Direction could still rule the world. There is an army of sleeper agents just waiting for the right moment to be awakened. Please for the love of god let me live long enough to see One Direction in person) and the way it was marketed and the evolution of the lyricism and musicality. I love listening to Up All Night, I think Take Me Home is a masterpiece, and yes, I sometimes do silly voices, but when its me and my closest friends from college singing about half an arrow in my heart, its transcendent- it's healing. I think in the early stages of acquainting myself with One Direction I felt like I was forgiving my inner child/teenager who was repulsed by what I saw as blatant heteronormativey- it felt like I kept being asked which one do you like the most, and not so secretly, which one do you want to be your boyfriend? This was the gauge of womanhood, and I felt anger if not sadness about being sold this narrative. Instead I watched obscure queer French cinema and dug my heels in. I read Jean Genet and James Baldwin and listened to Grimes and SOPHIE and insisted this was the path towards understanding my queer history, myself as a queer person, and situating myself in a greater queer community. Well, as it tends to happen when you think so highly of yourself and your own intelligence, things get very devoid of meaning and superficial very quickly. 

I had a rough go of it these past few years, especially with Covid, because I recognized I had no real coping mechanisms. I had no escape. 

In diving into the 1D discography, I found myself simply delighted. So many of these songs are just pure serotonin to my brain.

Along my journey, I found myself on Twitter, enjoyng what a vibrant community of fans still exists to  celebrate One Direction even seven years after theres been any meaningful One Direction to speak of. But these people introduced me into one of the queerest, most inclusive and kind spaces I've ever found. How is this possible, after watching all my queer cinema and joining queer book clubs, that this was the place I would meet this group of people?

Listening to other people talk about their journey's of self-discovery, especially in regards to their evolving senses of gender identitiy, I had a real oh-shit moment. My lifelong apathy towards my own gender wasn't just some normal consequence of living but an actual indiciation of unhappinesss. I finally asked myself the question- what does gender euphoria look like? I finally heard that this was something that others have experienced, and might be something I could pursue. And I have- and though it hasn't come with radical change (nothing in my life has ever changed quickly), I have started to say it to the people I love- that the idea of the people I care about using they/them pronouns, that the people I love seeing me as non-binary, as not-cis, gives me a sense of true gender euphoria for the first time in my life, is a direct consequence of One Direction, of becoming a One Direction fan in 2022, of watching livestreams of your concerts on Instagram, of the anticiaption of a new album, of listening to Faith in the Future.

And now, a note more specifically about Faith in the Future and what is has meant to me- I'm not the first to note what a difference these past few months have made to you as a performer and an artist. Your comittment to using your platform to promote other up-and-coming artists who I, and many others, then get to fall in love, is so admirable and beyond that- its indicative of you being a truly thoughtful and generous person. And then you give us the gift of this album, and its like an electric current of confidence and honesty that runs straight from your mind to the hearts of everyone listening. I had the good fortune of being in LA when the album released, and in escaping the cold of Denver I was able to speed down the PCH with the windows down playing Faith in the Future on full blast. And its just so stuck in my brain- I can't even help it. I know Spotify flags what it thinks might be bot-behavior when it comes to streaming but is it my fault that I want to listen to All This Time ten times in a row? Holding Onto Heartache has been in my top three from the first listen, but a few nights ago, now very familiar with the lyrics, I was minding my own business, singing along, when I felt a surge of emotion. The lyrics I already knew suddenly clicked into place and I started to cry. Listening to Holding Onto Heartache, to me, I suddenly saw all these months and all these years where it felt like my sadness, my heartaches, were a necessary part of my life. I didn't know who I was without them, and I couldn't let them go, even when I recognized that there might be a better version of myself that wasn't buried under sadness. God, in hindsight, what a waste of time and energy. Its like I wanted to cultivate my sadness in some sort of masochistic creativity, like my pain was useful, like I couldn't let go of it, like I might be nothing with out. I have never heard a song like yours, one that made me reflect on this impulse in this way. Its a song that, in recognizing this kind of soft-self-destruction, made me realize exactly how much I have grown and healed in this past year.

I am so grateful for your music. I am so grateful for you, as a person, deciding to share this music with us, the fans. I'm at a point of parasocial relationships where when you win, it feels like I win. It also means when you're in pain, I'm in pain. I recognize that it's probably best to extricate myself a bit from being so personally impacted by someone I've never met breaking an arm, but in this minute, at this moment, I hope that this artist/fan relationship that compells me to write a personal essay full of confessions I am barely able to share with my family and loved ones is a small source of comfort and pride to you. When you take care of yourself, it's not just for you, but for us, for those who adore you from afar and want to see you succeed in every way, who would carry you to the top of Red Rocks if you asked, who, in gratitude, feel indebted to you, and therefore, want to make a small repayment towards that debt, in sharing my story, and writing down my love and best wishes.

[23breach]

Therapy is All the Worst Parts of Dating

Maybe this metaphor works. I don't know. Browsing: scouting individuals' profiles, do they match with you? Do they seem like people you want to share your life with and be open about on a regular basis? Fill out a profile on yourself, so they better understand you better.

Therapy: Will they be available? Will they be present? Take my insurance? Be helpful? Will I clam up more with this person? Does the identity of the person play a factor with me? You just don't know these things. Dating: I can see the potential in this person. Or this person. I hope they find me worth talking with on here and even through texting! If not, there are always more people. It's a numbers game.

First Encounter: Will this work out? Will they be late? Ghost me? Phoning it in? Will I have felt better after meeting them and sharing stuff about me?

Therapy: So I guess here's all my trauma I need to figure out how to do within one session. I need to figure out what my goals are with therapy too, which is hard. The goals are week by week, and I don't know what's best for me, hence why I'm going to a therapist. Oh, the therapist is late. What does that say about me? Am I not worth seeing? They...didn't even show up at all for intake. So all that planning weeks in advance was for nothing.

Dating: Eh, date didn't go well. That's a bummer. Wait a tic, I'm single again! Onto the next person! The other person ghosted me, but it only stings in the moment. Surely, someone will want to see me.

Handful of Sessions: getting to know the individual

Dating: Kissing people is cool!

Therapy: Well, here we are again. You're 5 minutes from the session starting. You have to figure out what to bring up or say. You only have them for an hour. Time to think up all the terrible shit in your head for the past week and what's the most relevant.

Dating: Kissing people is cool! But is it cool because of this person or is it just the act?

Months In: Is this the status quo I want? Can I see this person as part of my life and a positive one at that? Or do I start over? Therapy: I'm not getting much here. I don't get the sense that this therapist is working for me. I need to break this off. But that means repeating the cycle where the pool of therapists are already thin, let alone if they're available. Maybe I have to settle...

Dating: I can't give my 100% to the person. It stinks, but it's best to break it off.

I'll try therapy in a few months after the failures I had this year. My spouse has been my rock when I'm in the dumps, but I can't let her take the brunt of it. The whole therapy process is stressful in itself.

[19-falls]

I do expect Du-shik's past to be complicated, but I don't like this type of 'complicated' that only pushed him right into the corner and instead making him more miserable because not only Hye-jin hasn't completely understand what was going on with her boyfriend to even try overcoming this with him, now you're telling me we have a freaking 3-years-long incident unfinished because apparently Do-ha's father VERY SUDDENLY is involved with Du-shik's past and that ending?Can we just cut Du-shik some slack WHY IS THE WRITER HELL-BENT ON HURTING HIM FURTHER LIKE THIS INSTEAD OF GIVING HIM TIME TO HEAL??????????????????

I'm also not liking how Do-ha's suddenly pushed into the centre out of nowhere. This isn't it. He's not even an important character before this episode, and now that ending?????

Do I hate the plot twist?No. But if you want to do it, do it EARLIER. Lay out the backstory gradually instead of leaving everything to Kim Seon-ho's masterful microexpression for 12 episodes long and then suddenly dumping pieces of it on episode 13 & 14, and now even had the guts to have it continued to the finale week. This is just...way too much. I'm beyond speechless how a character like Du-shik still hasn't got his backstory told when it's one of the most important focus on the show. The show's supposed to reveal it slowly and let him take time to heal but how the fuck will he do that when his past isn't even solved at the moment???????????Are you freaking serious of not giving this character a break from his constant fear & trauma for what will be 15 episodes long and save the last episode to show him recovering right away without a proper process to it?Why the hell they even show him going to therapist then????Is it only there to serve as a sign that he's not okay????Because I want the show to take Du-shik's arc seriously for once, and not just use it as a some potential tearjearking subplot. Call this a healing show all you want, but I'm growingly frustrated by how the show's straight up refusing to take care of its main character's arc and instead dragging the hell out of it like this while being busy trying to woven all the supporting characters' story when it's the main lead who needs to borrow the spotlight to explain themselves the most at the moment. Do I not care about the rest of characters?I FUCKING CARE ABT THEM (how incredibly ironic that I thought the previous episode did such a good job constructing the side characters' story) BUT PLEASE FINISH DU-SHIK'S ARC FIRST BEFORE SHIFTING THE FOCUS ON THEM. I can't believe we have 80 minutes to talk about Du-shik's trauma and how the past got to be revealed and yet not even half is spent on that. And now they want to bring this into episode 15?

Why are being like this, show?I mean I knew I had unrealistic expectation for hoping homcha to be different compared to those formulaic romcoms in terms of resolving the conflict, and it hurts to see it failing them for the first time since I first watched this show. I've never been this disappointed, truly.

And I don't like seeing how not even Hye-jin, after witnessing Du-shik in his most fragile state, didn't even bother to give him a hug for once. The man's obviously hurting, but it pains me that instead of giving him place to lean on, they kept talking about taking a break, or how she originally doesn't have patience but is willing to wait for him. Others may have been calling this a perfect depiction of 'healthy' relationship, and while I love how both of them are so open whenever they're talking to each other, sometimes not every single thing has to be spoken, and simply being there to support him is more than enough. Just hug the guy for once, he looked so anxious throughout this episode, even when they were talking and I'm sad that no one tries to come closer to finally support him without asking anything and stop being a mere bystander.

Does that mean that I don't see Hye-jin being hurt by this too?No. But at the moment...even when she has someone to lean on after the first scene through Hwa-jeong, Du-shik's still left alone feeling anxious & sorry for how his trauma's preventing him to be happy with Hye-jin. And seeing the glimpse of the preview...isn't it sad that we've been with him for 14 episodes and not even someone he loves at the moment could offer him some assurance that it's going to be fine. Because well, it's not. And that just makes things tons much worse than it already is.

Whatever's going to happen, let it happen. I just realized that the more I have expectation for this show for this week particularly, the more I feel let down by it. It's sad that I will not get to see the whole process of Du-shik's properly recovering from his trauma, but at least I'll know the complete story next week and stop feeling like my heart would break every moment he's shown on the screen. I'm not even expecting the romance now. The tone shift of their relationship between last week and now is way too off. I'm all in for a mature relationship, but at the very least, I was hoping Hye-jin to be more understanding and just stay with him no matter how hard it is. But I'm perfectly aware that these two are just different in terms of personality & mindset. Hye-jin wasn't someone that could offer a thing when she doesn't know where she stands on their relationship, and I'm expecting too much of her for being the so-called 'bamboo forest' for Du-shik just like what Hwa-jeong said, when she's still clueless about the future of both of them from now on. But still can someone just...I don't know...hug Du-shik for once?I'm feeling absolutely weirded out at how I spent a major part of today tearing up thinking about him because every single bit about this character just hit way too close to home and it was just so heartbreaking and yet relatable for me😭😭😭😭

I'm so mad (well now got to cool down quite a bit after writing all of these🙂👍) that I just had to write this down. I don't know if y'all understand my perspective for this episode, but just this is merely a personal opinion of mine. And fyi, I'm a person who had just said in my previous post that this show has been a constant joy for the past few weeks that I nearly feel like I'm living for it sometimes lol. Seems like being a clown is my daily job whenever I'm watching dramas these days🤡

[jojotichakorn]

what do you all, you and your amazing round table 😠(aggressive affection), feel about pran finding out what really happened? he did confront his mother thinking it was love gone wrong. what he said is still true but wouldn't pran as we know him feel guilty? i cannot think or theorize if the series will flip past that point and we have pran in the next scene already knowing the truth? or will pat be the one to tell him?

don't know why somehow the 1st choice fits better because we already established pat's openness with pran earlier like in the balcony scene. and as much as that new discovery is climatic to us and pat is it as climatic to pran? do we need to have him feeling guilty?

as for the second option it'd also maybe give us room to hear their thoughts. maybe pran telling pat that it's not his fault or nothing really changes for him.

as for next when they get back i can't stop thinking about the last thing pran's mom said to pat's face. "don't tell your kids to hate next door anymore". this line punched me in the face because THE GUILT she is dropping on pat's shoulders just like the trauma she dumped on her son, it's TOO CRUEL. can pat really push through this on his own without talking out loud? sending him all the strength in the world. hope the next two episodes are good to him and pran.

i can see pran finding out going three ways: either he will already know, pat will tell him right away, or pat will wait until the end of the trip to tell him. i explain the latter further here.

as for your last point, i have been saying that i want pat to go a little feral for WEEKS. like, i want to see him break down. ok, that sounded wrong... it's not that i want to see him in pain, is that he is ALREADY in pain and i want to see him finally let it all out. pran made a huge step forward this episode by no longer suffering alone and relying on pat instead. now i want to see pat making a step forward and relying on pran, while properly showing just how heartbroken he is.

[writr4luvrs]

Request: Nisha finds a young child and takes them in.

{\}

Being alone is what you've had to deal with since the orphanage shut down, your care taker rain into debt, and no one was going to consider taking in a child that was "too old". One by one the children were either getting jobs, leaving the city to join the bandits, or were just... gone. Soon, you had to leave the city because you weren't contributing to the cycle of economics.

In the beginning, living outside the city sucked: being constantly shot by bandits especially since you were part of a bandit gang, having to live in constant war for territory; nearly suffocating, either cause you lost track of time or you bandit brothers and sisters wanted to prank you; or constantly being nearly eaten by the Elpis' many creatures. Though, one bandit treated you different, teaching you everything she knew about Oz kits and how to make them last, how to add mods to them, or how to make them simply explode. She was a great teacher... until she died while joyriding off a cliff in a moon buggy (the way she wanted). After the incident you left the bandit gang and walk, stole a buggy til it ran out of gas, and found a garage in a not so quiet area.

You turned it into your own shop using your knowledge of Oz kits, and despite selling the kits, earning what little credits you could, life outside the city still fucking sucked. And, hey, maybe it got worse once a few bandits started becoming aware that maybe your kits were maybe rigged to fail over a period of time so that maybe the bandits would come back and maybe you could earn a few extra alleged credits.

"You little shit..." one of the six bandits growl at you while the rest thought to trash your garage. You thought you could just con me out of my fucking money?!" he grabs you up by the collar, god you hope he doesn't punch you again.

"You signed a warranty." You recall the paper with a handwritten sentence that stated "No refunds" with just a line underneath it for signature. "I can't read, asshole." He replies. You pause, haven't thought of that before.

"Well... I don't understand how that's my fau-" earning you another punch in the face and you thrown to the floor. While lying there, thinking over all that had happened the last few months to avoid this very moment. You tilt your head up to the sound of a gun cocking and see that it's aimed at you. The sight makes you start to silently cry, making it hard for you to breathe, you didn't want to die. Seconds before he's able to pull the trigger, he turns around to the gunshots and his crew yelling at someone. You use this opportunity to run, earning bullets in your direction and as you take cover behind a toppled over desk, and peaking over you see a brown woman in a cowboy hat. It was like everything was in slow motion as you watched her take out the gang so... easily. The show was interrupted as a bandit falls in front of you, eyes rolled and tongue out of their mouth.

You gag at the sight, you want to throw up but you feel like you've run out of fluids due to the earlier punches to your stomach.

Within seconds, everything was quiet until you hear footsteps in your direction and the desk is kicked and you no longer have your cover, finally getting a clear look at the woman, immediately blurting the words: "Are you emo?" earning you a scowl. "The one eye covered is kind out of style don't you think?"

"Hey, at least mine is clean, kid." she responds, you hint that she's amused. "And that's not how you respond to someone that just saved you."

"It's the trauma and shock talking, besides I had everything handle."

"Did you?" she refers to the tear streaks, bruises, and the destroyed garage.

"Downsides of being an entrepreneur."

"Sad to see the job officially over."

"Huh?" You question as you move amongst the garage to pick up some valuables, sad when you see the only baby picture of you crumbled.

"Putting it blunt, I'm being paid to keep your little ass from continuing your independent business."

"Says who?!"

"Says the credits sent to my account, you're lucky I don't kill you like ordered and if I don't someone else..." she nods to the dead. "will." She looks around, opening lockers for anything that will aid her in her journey, she was leaving. She was right, you knew more bandits would come and if not bandits, assassins like her who would kill you for their capitalist employer. You dropped the no longer valuables and grabbed your bug out backpack, you're going with the cowgirl.

The cowgirl steps out of the garage, her Oz kit activating and you followed, your Oz kit activating as well. "What are you doing?" she questions after taking no more than a couple steps.

"What are you doing?" you question back.

"Walking." she answers, continuing her journey, taking a few glances over her shoulder seeing as you continued to follow her steps. She turns around to pick you up, retrace her steps and place you back at the garage before she continued only for you to continue following her. "No, no. I am not playing mother duck."

"Well, I can't stay at the garage."

"Then go to Concordia."

"I can't and won't."

"Well, you can't follow me!"

"I don't want to be alone." She replies by throwing her head back and letting out a loud groan.

"I might actually kill you..." she mutters. "You can't follow me, I do bad people stuff."

"Yeah..." you blink.

"I kill and have killed hundreds of people and creatures, gone to many dangerous lands, and have agreed to illegal deals for a lucrative amounts of credits, you will not follow me." You give her a silence and a slow blink, you began dissociating at the word 'have' and she realized you weren't listening and sighs. "The moment we get somewhere safe and quiet, you are to stay there and not follow me.

And you followed, even after finding the seemingly unquiet and high temperature place she wanted to dump you at, you continued to follow her, learning her name was Nisha and she was a vault hunter.

At one point she got sick of it and threatened her way into getting you a "free" stay in Concordia of the now dead Mayor and Sheriff's luxury apartment. You stay there happily and took every moment to be at her side whenever she visited the small city, asking her about her journey, her guns, her hat, her make up, her friends, etc. It bugged her, she even yelled at you due to her annoyance. She yelled, calling you a bother and wished you'd stop pestering her. It took one of her colleague to get her to stop.

The incident made you embarrassed, it hurt you, making you leave the city, getting barley lost, distracting you by throwing rocks at small alien pests. Despite your efforts to get closer to her, you were still alone. You sit in the moon's dirt and hug your knees, drawing in the dirt slowly, ignoring the fast falling stars and quickly darkened sky only for you to be picked up by your collar and look eye to eye to Nisha. "Where have you been? You know it's dangerous to leave the city?!" Only responding to her was a pouty face and eyes that looked away from her, she let you go and sighs, a hand on her hip.

Nisha knew why and unknowingly to you, it upset her that she automatically compared herself to a deceased relative. A moment passed before a quick "Sorry" left her and she grabs your hands to guide you back to the city. "Don't leave again, it's too dangerous and you can get hurt and..." she stops her rambling. "Just don't, not without me and not without protect." She takes you to Moxxi's bar and you both sit at the bar in silence for a moment before she orders two shots of sambuca, you smelt the scent even before Nisha handed one to you.

"I'm going to say this once, look at me," she begins, making sure you have her strict attention. "You will not leave this city without me until you are old enough and well and ready to protect yourself. I will train you and you are not to question me, I'm teaching you to survive, understand?" You give a hesitant nod as an answer. "I want to hear you."

"Yes... I understand."

"Good, now drink fast." she downs the shot before setting the glass on the bar, she waits for you.

"It smells bad." she grins, waiting for you. You down the shot as quickly as possible, making a face and sticking out your tongue in disgust, earning a chuckle from Nisha. She places a hand on your head giving a proud "good." It isn't even a minute later before you run outside the bar and throw up in the nearest corner.

"It was one shot...to be fair it was sambuca." she guides your dizzy figure to your home and gets you in bed.

"I don't want to drink sambuca again."

"That's fair, it was only an agreement."

"I don't have to call you mom do I?"

"Please don't."

"Now I have to call you mom, mom."

"Stop." she sings before turning out your lamp light.

"With auntie Athena and and uncle Wilhelm."

"And cousin claptrap.."

"...Nevermind." you fall asleep.

[katytheinspiredworkaholic]

oh katy,

I hope you’re doing well. It has been a Month™️ for me. I really don’t want to just trauma dump on you cause I know you’re going through it, but this month has really showed me how much I use fandom and fics to escape cause oof. I was wanting to message earlier, but I’ve not had the time.

Not to be stalker lol, but I was on your ao3 the other day and went to your bookmarks (which I promise I do often with other writers lmao, it’s my way to find new fics when searching just isn’t coming up with anything) and I absolutely love that you read BTS fics. I started out with one direction fics lmao and one of my closest friends is a kpop fanfic reader, so I just find it iconic and thought I’d mention it ahah.

I really hope you’re doing well though and come back to us soon. Not even as a writer. Cause I understand how impossible it is to write when the passion isn’t there. I just got a fire to write again and it took me 3 months. Sorry this message is all over the place, but just hope you’re doing good and can’t wait to see you on tumblr again.

-🍄 ❤️

Mushroom Anon you are like the shining light in my life right now, I swear 💕 (I have to force myself to answer this in order xD)

I'm so sorry you've had a terrible Spring as well. 💕 I know how rough life can get so suddenly, but I understand what you mean about fandom and fics being a good escape. I found myself slipping to other fandoms of mine to soak up some good distractions while my life was crazy. And you never have to worry about not messaging me about things! Trauma dump if you need, I'm more than happy to listen (although I guess answering them would make the post public, but if you're comfortable with that then I am always here if you ever just need a friend to lean on as we both go Through It™.)

omg the _sound_ I just made. it was very high pitched and excited xD I'm legit making a BTS side-blog because that is what I like... LAZER focused on during the past few weeks. The fics have been fun, but I've also been all up in the music and videos and just them being dumb and cute and talented as fuck. It's been very nice to sink into, but I didn't want to like... spam this page with Kpop and BTS stuff so I figured I'd start a new side blog. Like you said before, fandom and fics get us through it, and I've found some _gems_ that legit don't even have a thing to do with Kpop and could be novels. The AU's (my favorite thing ever) are just another level. That's so fun you started out with music-based fics! I actually never did before this, although I had a The Voice phase as well lol. Music industry/famous people storylines are so interesting, and artistic gays just bring me lots of joy.

I am doing a lot better. I'm so _tired_, but I think it's just because I'm finally through the fire and things are starting to settle down. I'm trying to find the time to write again, I don't remember when I used to find the time! But I miss it a lot. And I am actually starting to work on an original novel along with picking at my fanfics, so the artistic juices are flowing. And I'm so happy to be back. I've missed being here and talking to you and my other followers and readers. It might take me a minute to get back on the horse, so to speak, but I am here and ready to create and share once more.

I hope you're starting to do better, as well, and that life has begun to be kinder to you. Take care of yourself my dear friend, I can't wait to hear back from you 💕💕💕

[shslshortie]

Okay I'm going to make a post because I can't deal with everything that got asked/shat out my way

I am sorry for this rant, but I am legit ready to leave tumblr again. Like I forgot why I hated it so much, but lord is this an unhealthy environment for so many reasons. Mainly, because of discourse/call out culture. And I'm obviously not talking about being "PC" or anything, but just being an all around mean spirited person if anyone says anything that either 1) doesn't agree with you/your views/your fandom, 2) if anything is even slightly false or not entirely fact-checked, or 3) goes against most popular opinions without writing an entire graduate-level thesis about why you believe your opinion/view/observation is valid. Like if you want to complain or voice an opinion about anything, or even joke about something that you think is funny, you could very likely almost immediately be called out or even be sent WAVES of hate that usually is completely undeserved. Especially since people are hiding behind a screen of anonymity or at least behind an online persona, they don't think about the person on the receiving end of it. They don't think how their mean spirited comments or backlash could effect them mentally, and they don't even stop to think what else could be going on in their lives. Yesterday, (was it yesterday? I think it was yesterday, but GOD was it a long fucking day if it was) I made some posts after recapping through the Rost. Cup after I watched each medalist's short and long, as well as all the US skaters, big names, and for the men and ladies, almost all 11 skaters honestly. I love figure skating, and NO, unlike a lot of people wrongfully assumed, am not a part of the "fandom" and did not get into it because of YOI. Was a passion reignited from like a barbeque level flame to a bonfire with YOI's help? Yes. But would it probably have gone to a similar level with the Olympic season going into full swing? Highly likely. But anyways, I made some posts because I wanted to voice some observations, complaints, and things I thought were funny because tumblr is the only place I ever really rant/voice theories/talk about a lot of my interests, since I don't have any irl friends who are interested in almost half of the things I am. So, tumblr is usually the place that I dump these feelings/thoughts. Sure, one of them was a little off-color, and posted without thinking, but after about an hour (and like 3-4 replies I think), I looked back on it, and realized it didn't need to be posted out there, even if I didn't mean it to be mean. Does this mean I owed every single person who "called me out" for being uninformed, or for being mean, or for being whatever the hell I am a reply? No. Did I know that some things were answered over Twitter, or weibo (sp?) or Reddit, or whatever other gd social media that I don't use? No. Does that man I am uniformed and spreading lies or whatever? I don't think so, and that doesn't make me a fucking villain. I also deleted it, because I realized I was wrong. End of story, part 1. But then, the figure skating fandom found some of my posts/commentary/rants. (god forbid they somehow find this and attack me ALL OVER AGAIN, except for y'all that were part of this whole issue. I hope y'all see this, because it's not like I blocked you. Except for one tumblr user who blocked me because of my post? Like you do you, except don't reblog my post and block me so I can't see what you said, presumably about how I am a terrible person). And apparently 1) if you insult/don't like/say Y***** H**** didn't do his best/were disappointed in him, or if you like the person who won over him more... Then you deserve to die. And 2) if you even make a post about YOI or other anime, you are a fake fan who knows nothing. And 3) even mirroring almost the exact words of sports (specifically figure skating) commentators in your posts means nothing? Like it OBVIOUSLY means that you are making up bullshit to hate on skaters that are popular and are misinformed, right??? Or if you say one thing that was similar to an APPARENTLY problematic broadcast group, that nothing (including any commentary from official other broadcasts, because GUESS WHAT: it's hard to find recordings of all of the programs and exhibitions with English commentary, and there are usually 3-4 networks that have it, and SO MANY people upload different ones to YouTube) else you say matters or has any merit. I haven't even read all of the hate mail and submissions I received from this debacle. My mental health can't take it. I literally woke up for school the next morning, saw my notifications and couldn't get myself to stop crying from the anger/upsetness/trauma/depressed thoughts that bubbled up with all of it, and I couldn't even get myself to go to class because I was so shaken. Like visibly, physically shaken, to the point where I couldn't think straight and I literally had tremors from how upset and unstable it made me feel. Tumblr should be a place where I can voice my opinion on something I am passionate about without all this hate. I literally have no other place. Right now, irl, I got dragged into drama (not mine, I swear, I was just a witness and got pulled into the mess) with my honor society, and the girl who started it all is trying to pit the entire organization against me. I can't post anything on my finsta, and God forbid I even tried to post anything in Facebook. (Not like I would). I am already in a very dark place mentally and emotionally because of the trauma this is putting me through, and how unwanted, useless and disgusting everybody is making me feel. I shouldn't be getting that from strangers who just decided to make my life even more miserable on top of it. Legitimately, out of the 30-40 comments/asks/replies/submissions I recieved, only one person even tried to realize where I was coming from or to educate me on what I had done wrong or missed in my analysis. But some of their wording just mirrored all the hate l had recieved, or even other things I had been told in real life that just made me cry even harder and I still can't bring myself to reply to even the person who was civil. My one big point to anyone who sees this is (besides don't be a dick/cyber bully/create and stir up unnecessary discourse) is don't assume that people don't know what they're talking about? Or don't assume that they are fake fans? And don't make people spell every letter of their opinion out for you in a 12 page thesis if it doesn't comply with the tumblr norm. Cuz here are some fun facts about me that I don't normally publicize / post about on tumblr: Yes, I am an anime fan, but Jesus Christ I love/am a huge fan of WAY more than I am in the fandom for. I am honestly only in like 4-5 anime fandoms. Same thing goes for other things I like, such as Harry Potter or marvel. I can like things, A LOT, and be passionate about them without being in the fandom. That doesn't mean I don't like it or I'm not knowledgable on the subject. That doesn't mean that I am an idiot for not knowing a fact/opinion/theory that has made its way around the fandom, that I'm not a part of. YES, I am a HUGE SPORTS FAN. It was legitimately also my fucking career (as a sports reporter/journalist/broadcaster). Do I post on tumblr about Baseball or Football or Hockey? Almost never. Does that make me any less of a fan, or does that make me any less knowledgeable about teams and rules? No. Does that mean that I didn't play/participate in almost every sport growing up? (baseball for 6 years, I still play Intermural football, tennis for 3 years, volleyball for 4, soccer for 1, swimming for like 5 years, I tried track, even karate and some other random stuff.) YES, I AM FUCKING KNOWLEDGABLE ABOUT PERFORMANCE SPORTS. I have participated/competed/trained/still watch almost every kind of performance sport. Of course color guard and marching band has been the longest, and the thing I was best at (7 years), but I grew up doing all kinds of dance and I still do lots of dance, as well as TONS of my own choreography. I've done baton and cheer for about 1-2 years each too. I did gymnastics for 4 years — was I very good? hell no. But do I know about it and appreciate it? Yes. SAME THING GOES FOR FIGURE SKATING. I only had like half a years worth of lessons, and like 3 routines that I ever finished and performed with figure skating, but that is because it is an expensive af sport, and I had way more activities and sports that I was better at, more passionate about learning, and were more accessible. BUT did I grow up going to figure skating shows like Disney on Ice or Stars on ice? Did that stop me from waiting in line for hours to get Michelle Kwan and other famous figure skaters autographs? No. Did that stop me from watching almost every single minute of the 2014 and 2010 Olympics? No. Do I still remember watching parts of the 2006 Olympics with my parents and absolutely being ENTHRALLED and wanting to do that too? YES. I still remember watching the 2014 Olympics from my aunt's house when I was staying on a cot in her living room because my mother was in the hospital and CRYING when I saw Y* H* perform, break world records, and win the gold. It was a sense of normalcy and awe because everything else going wrong in my life didn't matter while I was watching these amazing athletes perform. And GUESS WHAT, since I'm not really a part of the Figure Skating fandom (just like I'm not in the musical theatre fandom, or in anything regards to hair or makeup) I don't post about my own hype or plans regarding how excited I am for things to come out. So nobody here on tumblr, or almost ANYONE knew how excited I was for this upcoming Grand Prix season for the first actual competition of the Olympic season. I watched almost every challenger series video, as well as the autumn winter classic and competitions of the like. Even the JGPF events in anticipation. But guess what: I literally have a note on my phone that has all of Team USA's competition schedules, and their scores that they have gotten so far (like at the COR), along with a list of my favorite international skaters, and other new skaters to watch. I was so hype, so excited, and I thought that maybe, since figure skating had boomed in popularity, thanks in part to YOI (but also, helped people be more vocal and open about how much they love the sport even if ex already did) I would be able to discuss the excitement with other people. But no. Instead of being able to say "omg I'm so excited for blah blah blah, I hope they make the Olympic team. But I also love this show concept and this other persons costume, and you also can't count out blah blah blah" and being civil with conversation among other fans... They instead will say " wow you like blah blah blah? But you said this about them, and that offends me so you're wrong, and you forgot this tiny detail from 3 years ago, and you like anime so you OBVIOUSLY only care about figure skating because of YOI. Take your bandwagon fan bullshit away from me and go kill yourself". So now, I am staying the fuck away from the figure skating fandom, I've literally left half of my choreography untouched for almost 2-3 months, don't want to read/finish any of my YOI fanfics, and will probably even have a hard time watching Skate Can this weekend (even though like 6 of my favorite skaters are competing, and I was so excited before). Guess I'll just have to annoy my snapchat friends with videos of skating and me screaming because of skating. Fuck you tumblr, and I doubt I'll make any more original posts outside of APO planning and reblogs in the foreseeable future,