#i could change the baby out of clothes and the mum agreed :-) took this pic w permission

[apricotluvr]

Dec 2022

[janeyseymour]

Breakable

WC: 6783

As much as everyone wants to believe that Jane Seymour was unbreakable- it just wasn’t true. The third queen needed help from her fellow queens. And they didn’t mind one bit. Sometimes, it was a bit more outward than others. Sometimes, it was a bigger deal than other times- from sitting with her after a nightmare to simply getting her a mug of tea, but they were always there for the demure queen.

I.

The gold queen stood outside of the blonde’s door for a few minutes, listening to Jane’s quiet sobs, hoping they would die down soon. It broke her heart to hear the sweet woman in such a state. When they only proceeded to get shakier and she could hear the third queen hiccuping, she knew she had to check in on her.

“Jane?” The first queen knocked lightly. “It’s Lina. Can I come in?”

“I, uh, oh, uh,” Jane stuttered from inside her room. “Just give me a second. I’m uh, getting changed,” she lied through her teeth, knowing that Catherine knew she was lying. She wiped at her tears and took a deep breath. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror on the way to open the door, and she broke down again.

“Actually Lina, I think I’m just going to, uh- I’m not really up for company right now. I uh, need to think some things through.”

“Querida, please? I’m worried for you.” Catherine was not one to beg and plead, despite what her song may have said about her in SiX.

“Lina, I-” the silver queen, despite her brain telling her not to open the door, opened the door.

“Oh sweetie,” the first queen sighed.

“I’m fine, really. I promise,” Jane said shakily.

“Are you though? It’s a bit obvious you’ve been crying.”

“Oh,” the third queen whispered. “Does anyone else know?” She asked, panic evident in her eyes. How she hated to let everyone in the house know she was upset. And when they found out why she was upset, she’d never hear the end of it.

“No. Everyone else is asleep.”

“Even-?”

“Even Cathy is asleep.”

“Oh. I’m sorry for keeping you awake. I’ll uh, I’ll be fine. You can go to bed if you’d like,” the blonde offered, not wanting her co-star to put herself out for her.

“I was already awake, Jane,” Aragon said in a reassuring tone. “I was actually on my way to make a cup of tea if you’d like to join.” Jane offered a small nod in return. It was only then that Catherine got a good look at the woman in front of her. Jane Seymour, the woman who was always so put together and strong now stood in front of her looking as if someone had kicked her puppy. The face that always had a bright smile on it was now stained with tears, a small frown displayed on her face. The hair that was always so neatly pinned back or pulled up, never a hair out of place- even when she first woke up- was now disheveled. The woman who normally stood so firmly while maintaining the aura that she was kind and warm now stood in a way where she looked smaller than she already was, arms wrapped around herself- almost as if she was trying to grasp for the reality that she was really there. The woman who was- for lack of a better word- unbreakable looked so broken. 

“Come on love. I was thinking of some of that pomegranate tea you love so much tonight. Does that sound like a plan to you?” The first queen held out a hand for the third to take. The blonde nodded, taking the hand hesitantly and allowed herself to be led down to the kitchen.

Catherine led the silver queen to the table and guided her into her seat before dancing around the kitchen to make the tea. It was quite odd in reality- Jane was always the one running the show in the kitchen, yet here she was allowing her best friend to do it for her. Not much later, Catalina had set a mug of tea in front of Jane who instinctively wrapped her hands around the mug, desperately praying the warmth being emitted from the cup would transfer to her soul.

“Now mija, what’s got you down?”

“I-” Jane bit the side of her lip. “I had a nightmare.” Catherine kept quiet. The blonde would continue talking eventually. “About Anne’s beheading.”

“Oh,” Catherine muttered. The two had sat many a night talking about this.

“I know that we’ve come to an agreement that it wasn’t my fault, and I wish I could say I whole-heartedly believe it, but I just can’t.” A stray tear fell, softly landing in her tea. “I was the reason she got beheaded. I could’ve stopped it. I didn’t even try. And because of me, she got beheaded. I died. Anna got divorced. Kat got beheaded. And Cathy was threatened with being beheaded.”

Were you-”

“I wasn’t looking for him,” Jane’s voice began to shake. “Father- he- Father told me if I didn’t move our family up in class, I was a failure. My brothers too. I- I wasn’t looking for him.”

“I know.”

“But it happened to be that he fancied me. Who was I to stop that? He was the king after all. But, if I knew what would’ve happened to Anne, I never would’ve done that. You know that, right?” Jane lifted her eyes from where they had been so focused on the mug in front of her to look at Catherine. There they were again, the broken eyes.

“I-”

“Catherine, please tell me you know that I never would’ve gone through with it if I had known she would be beheaded,” Jane pleaded, the tears falling like a river. They wouldn’t dry anytime soon. Her sobs wracked through her like an earthquake, her entire body trembling slightly at first, only to become more violent as she continued to silently. The silent storm- the most deadly. No one knew that it was happening- no one but the first and third queens.

After most of the tears subsided, tea long forgotten, the kind queen spoke quietly.

“You weren’t really coming down to get tea, were you?”

“No querida, I wasn’t. But I know that when Kat is having a hard time, you do the same thing for her. Why would I let you cry alone?”

“I- Thank you.”

II.

Instagrammer1549: Can we just talk about how all the other queens are serving looks, and then there’s Jane who looks like a mum?

Sixqueenswalkintoabar: She does look like a mum, but she pulls it off well, so who cares @Instagrammer1549

Roseamongstthethorns: jane you look just fine. You work mum jeans better than i ever could.

While what Roseamongstthethorns and Sixqueenswalkintoabar said was kind, all that Jane could see was Instagrammer1549 had commented on her post. And that led her to Anne’s room.

“Hey Annie? Are you in there?” Jane knocked on the door gently. 

“Give me a second!” The third queen laughed as she heard a crash before the door opened, revealing none other than Anne Boleyn herself.

“What’s up Janey?” The green queen leaned up against her door frame.

“So, I was on the instagram, and uh, here.” The third queen handed over her phone. The second queen looked over it for a second before a small frown drew itself on her face.

“So, they’re making fun of your outfit?” Jane nodded. “I don’t know why. I think the mum look suits you quite well actually.”

“Maybe I just need to get out of my comfort zone? I mean, I don’t know. You guys all look like... that. And there I am with a turtleneck and a cardigan. What if I gave it a try?”

“Well, I’ll help you if that’s what you want. But for what it’s worth, I think you make mum look good.”

So, a few hours later, the third queen and her predecessor were at the shops. 

“Try this on?” Anne held up a simple v-neck shirt.

“Isn’t that a little flashy?”

“Janey, it’s a simple v-neck. Your costume is much more revealing than this.” The blonde tried it on. She didn’t hate it.

“I suppose I could get on board with this. I’ll just make sure there isn’t too much cleavage.”

“And then, we pair it with a cute jean jacket- you can borrow one of mine- and some leggings. Simple enough, but stylish?”

“Okay, what about this?” Anne held up a sleeveless, black v-neck jumpsuit with sparkles along the waist.

“That’s... pretty.”

“Try it on?”

“What on Earth would I wear that for?”

“Jane, you realize we’re always doing some sort of interview or press junket, right? Pull this baby out, and-”

“Okay, okay. I’ll try it on.” The third queen vanished into the dressing room before appearing again.

“I really like this one,” Jane admitted with a sheepish smile.

“Well? Do a little twirl! Come on Janey!” The blonde did a turn, and Anne cheered. “Okay Mum!”

“Should I get it?” Jane looked at the price tag. “Oh gosh. That’s quite expensive for my taste. You know I prefer to just shop at-”

“Jane! Come on! You never splurge on something for yourself! You deserve to- just this once! It looks great, you said so yourself!”

“Well, I suppose so.”

“Great! Now let’s look for some more casual stuff. Things that you can mix and match with some of your other clothing too!”

The two left the shops with various items of clothing- some fancy, some casual. The green queen stayed true to Jane’s fashion. Even the most revealing shirt that Jane had purchased had the essence that it was “mum”. 

Jane debuted one of her new looks the next day, much to the surprise of the second queen. She had the simple v-neck they had bought along with a jean jacket the woman with space buns let her borrow as well as grey leggings. She didn’t look half bad.

“Wow Janey! You look great!” Anne smiled as she stole a pancake from the plate.

“Annie!” the blonde scolded her lightly. “But, you really think so?” The third queen blushed and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“Yeah! You look so good! The messy bun? Never seen it done by you before, and you’re killing it! You look so good!”

Not long after, the other queens came down, all complimenting Jane.

“Wow. You look really nice Jane! Definitely different, but you still look like you! I love it!”

“We should all get dressed up and take cute pics today!” Kat smiled from her place at the table. “Would you wanna?”

“I think that’d be fun,” Jane, not normally one to opt to be in the photos, agreed.

A few weeks later, a situation where the queens had to dress up presented itself.

“Come on Janey! When we bought it, you loved it!”

“I know. It’s just... is it too revealing? We do have a younger audience. I don’t want to corrupt them.”

“Oh Mum,” Anne joked. “You saw what I’m wearing. The only two who dress moderately conservative are you and Aragon. Besides, I think the other queens will like what you have!”

Jane walked downstairs much later than the rest of the queens, having spent far too long looking at herself in the mirror and doubting the way she looked. Grabbing a cardigan (“It might be cold!” she would always insist, even on the warmest of nights), she made her way down the stairs.

“Hot damn Seymour!” Anna remarked when she saw the woman in black. 

“Do I look okay?” the blonde played with one of her loose curls.

“Mum! You look great!” the pink haired queen smiled.

When the queens posted about it the next day, no comments were made about Jane’s “mum look”, even though she had her cardigan on.

A few days later, Anne found a new set of wheels for her shoes with a simply note-

Thank you. -Janey

III.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. We can run it again, or we don’t have to. I’m so sorry,” Jane apologized profusely. 

“We can just call it a day, what do you guys think?” Cleves suggested, seeing the clear distress that the silver queen was going through trying to learn the choreography. 

“But J-”

“I said I think we can call it a day,” Cleves stated with finality. She didn’t miss the look of gratefulness that the third queen shot her. 

“Alright girls. Home for dinner?” The silver queen had already gathered her things and was ready to leave.

“Seymour?” The woman who was always in red could hear the blonde clearly running through the routines in her room.

“Oh dammit,” the silver queen cursed quietly. “Give me a second!” The third queen could be heard making her way to her bed before allowing Cleves to come in.

“Hey Seymour.”

“Hi Anna!” Jane, now on her bed with a book open in her lap, looked up.

“I know you weren’t reading a second ago.”

“Ah, you caught me. How’d you know?”

“I could hear you tripping over your own feet and quiet curses. I figured I might be able to help you? With the choreography?”

“You know what? I would really appreciate that.” Jane set her book and glasses aside before standing back up. “I’m having a bit of trouble learning the choreography, but I don’t want to hold everyone up at rehearsal. I just come home and practice when I can. I guess I wasn’t that sneaky, was I?”

“As far as I know, I’m the only one who knows. I’ve heard you for a couple days now. So what parts are you having trouble with Seymour?”

“Would you laugh if I said all of it?”

The two were making their way through “Ex-Wives”. 

“I just don’t have the hips!” Jane laughed.

“You do have hips!”

“Well, I do have them!” the blonde couldn’t help but laugh. “I just don’t quite know how to use them!”

“And that’s why I’m here. By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be the queen of twerking if I can help it!

“Absolutely not! I’m more than happy to leave that title to you!”

“So, the dance break in No Way?”

“Well, the first part is mostly just poses. You have your poses, right?”

“I’m bad at dancing Anna, not posing. Although, I do have to admit, I practice them in the mirror quite often.”

“Oh my god, Seymour. Well, for what it’s worth, they look pretty good.”

“Okay, so the dance break is where I get really confused.”

The two queens worked hard into the night. Promising to go through the other songs the next day, the two went to bed.

“You ready for Boleyn’s song?”

“I actually have this one down I think. I practiced the little dance thing in the mirror a lot this morning. That was the only thing that was really tripping me up.”

“Nice! And my song?”

“Oh, that’s another story,” Jane let out a full belly laugh.

“Okay, let’s get started.”

The two made their way through Get Down and Haus of Holbein before calling it a night, the blonde quite sore from doing all the squats.

“You know, maybe next time you offer, I’ll actually come to the gym with you.”

And so, once the two finished their choreography practice, they found themselves at the gym.

“Wow! Janey, when did you figure all of this out?” Anne was shocked that Jane wasn’t tripping over feet anymore.

“I uh,”

“Guess it just clicked. Right Seymour?” The fourth queen shot her a look, knowing the blonde sometimes had a hard time admitting she needed to ask for help.

“I uh, actually no. Cleves found me practicing late one night, and I asked her to help me out. Thanks Anna.” The third queen’s smile shone brightly. 

“Oh, uh, no problem.”

“You know you didn’t have to tell them I helped you out, right?”

“I know. Thank you for helping me out again. And for letting me join you at the gym,” The silver queen, now donned in athletic wear, smiled as she wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead.

IV. 

“Hey Mum,” Katherine curled into her mother figure on the couch.

“Hi love,” Jane adjusted the way she was sitting so it was a bit easier on her body, groaning slightly.

“Are you okay?” Kat caught on to the way the older woman moved.

“I’m just fine dear. Just a bit tired from working out with Cleves last night. I think I might have pulled a muscle in my back too. And, to top it all off, I think my period is coming.”

“Oh. Uh, is there anything I can do to help you out?”

“Actually, I’ve been meaning to make a cup of tea. Unfortunately, I really did myself in with this back of mine.”

“I’ll make it for you! The pomegranate tea?” Jane gave her a thumbs up.

A few minutes later, the fifth queen returned, two mugs in hand. 

“I hope you don’t mind that I made myself some too. I thought it might be nice to try the tea you love?”

“Not a problem dear. You know what’s mine is yours.” The pink haired woman nodded as she placed the mugs down, twirling around to go back into the kitchen.

“I just have to grab a few more things.” Katherine came back into the living room juggling a heating pad, some pain relievers, and a few snacks she knew her mother figure enjoyed- dark chocolate, some pickles, an apple... a strange combination, but the blonde appreciated it nonetheless.

“Thank you honey. I really appreciate it.” The older woman popped the pills into her mouth and took a swig of her tea.

“It’s not a problem! Just want to make sure that you’re comfortable like you do for us when we’re a bit sore. I’ll be on my way now I suppose. Have a nice relaxing day!” Kat moved the television remote closer to Jane and began to make her way up the steps with her cup of tea when she heard a small plea.

“It’d be nice if you stayed?” Jane offered. “It can be kind of boring when no one else is around.

“If you really want me to stay, I will.” The queen clad in pink made her way over to the couch, sitting a bit further away from the woman in white than she usually would.

“Come here love,” Jane sighed, opening her arms for her daughter to curl into.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you or put a strain on your back or anything.”

“I’m positive. If it becomes uncomfortable, I’ll let you know. I’m just a bit sore love, not broken or anything.” And so, the two settled in on the couch together. “Anything you want to watch dear?”

“Oh uh, whatever is fine. I don’t really mind.”

“How does some reality television sound?” Truth be told, Jane didn’t fancy the reality television shows that the youngest queen loved so much. She had the entire house fooled- if it meant Katherine would sit with her and spend time with her though, it was worth listening to clearly staged fights and watching the ridiculously sappy moments of romance on screen. Kat nodded, finding the latest episode (because of course the duo was up to date with each and every show the younger woman loved).

Not long after the silver queen had finished a few bites of chocolate, the heating pad, along with the heat radiating from the woman curled into her side, had lulled her to sleep. The women in the house knew that if the third queen was sleeping, she needed it, and under no circumstances were they to wake her. This wasn’t exactly Jane’s rule, but the other queens deemed it a necessary rule without the blonde knowing it. 

“Janey fell asleep?” Anne wandered into the living room.

“Yeah, probably like 20 minutes ago?”

“Oh shit. So, we have to wait for dinner?”

“We’ll see how long she’s out for this time. If she’s out by the time we need to start dinner, I’ll just make it.”

“Okay. I’m off to go do big bitch energy things. Text me when it’s safe for me to come back into the house.”

“Oh, actually, could you grab my phone for me? It’s in my room.”

“Yeah dude. And then, I really am off to go to big bitch energy things. Lord knows I don’t need to wake Janey up again by accident. I still can’t believe how much Lina went off on me for that.”

“You know she’s just protective over Mum sometimes.”

“I know, but Jane wasn’t even pissed with me. It was all Aragon. Anyway, let me go grab your phone.” Anne returned a few moments later and began to throw the phone.

“Annie, don’t throw it!” Katherine called a moment too late. The phone landed in the blonde’s lap with a thud. 

“Shit,” Anne whispered. The two cousins held their breath, silently praying the third queen wouldn't wake up. After a few seconds, it became clear that she wouldn’t wake, and the two let go of the breath they were holding. “Well, on that note! I’m leaving!”

[the queens] Kat: mum’s asleep. no one comes back to the house and wakes her.

        Anne: @lina before u say anythin... im already outta the house n doing big bich energy things

        Anna: y was i not invited

        Anne: if u wanna come i didn leave yet. i can wait

        Anna: b out in a sec

        Catherine: Good riddance. Don't call if you get arrested. Cath and I are probably going to stay at the coffee shop and while longer then. Maybe get some shopping done so Jane doesn’t have to when she wakes up tonight  (because we all know she’ll be asleep for a long time)

        Cathy: Please call if you get arrested. @Lina, Jane wouldn’t be too happy if you left them.

        Kat: jus dnt call mum unless i txt shes awake first

Hours later, the woman who had been lulled to sleep was still dead to the world, leaving Katherine to try to figure out how to untangle herself from her mother’s arms to make dinner.

“What’s for dinner again?” the pink queen muttered to herself as she made her way to the kitchen, finally having succeeded in standing up without waking Jane. Glancing at the “weekly menu” the blonde made, she discovered that it was simply a pasta night.

“I can manage that,” the fifth queen chuckled with confidence.

And she did. Unbeknownst to the other queens, Katherine could cook. It turns out it pays off to watch the blonde flit around the kitchen and prepare meals, occasionally helping with small things like making sure that the pasta was stirred every so often and chopping up vegetables when needed. The fifth queen had succeeded in making copious amounts of pasta, heating the various sauces that the queens liked, along with cooking chicken, meatballs, and sausage for the queens to enjoy. She managed to chop up a selection of vegetables and lay them out on the table without cutting her fingers- a situation she often found herself in when helping her mother. As she was setting the table, the other four queens made their way into the house as quietly as they could, knowing Jane was asleep since Katherine hadn’t texted that she had woken up.

“Hey guys,” Katherine made her way into the living room from the kitchen. “Dinner’s almost ready and-”

“Holy shit that smells good,” Anna’s mouth began to water at the smell.

“Did you do this?” Aragon looked at the woman with the apron.

“I uh, yeah? I figured Mum needed sleep so I just took on cooking dinner for tonight?”

“And it’s not from a box?” Cathy laughed quietly.

“Believe it or not,” a raspy voice, the voice of a newly awake Jane Seymour, spoke up as she stood and stretched. “Kat can cook. She just chooses not to.”

“I-” The pink queen had been caught red-handed- literally. The woman had spilled a bit of the marina sauce on her hand and was about to clean it up when she heard the others arrive home. “Uh, dinner’s ready. I was just setting the table.”

Later that night, Katherine came knocking on Jane’s door.

“Come in!” The gentle voice called. When Kat opened the door, Jane smiled sleepily.

“I was just checking that you’re alright,” the fifth queen stuttered. “You know, with your back and all.”

“It’s not 100% yet, but that’s to be expected. I’m sure I wouldn’t be feeling as good as I do if you hadn’t stepped up and helped out your old mum. Thank you sweetheart.”

“I, uh, yeah.” Kat scratched the back of her head. “You’re welcome. I’m heading to bed now, so uh, goodnight?” She made her way over to the woman laying in her bed and kissed her cheek.

“You don’t want to hang out in here tonight?”

“I just didn’t want to bother you or your back,” Kat admitted.

“Nonsense. You know you’re never a bother. Go grab your things.”

A few moments later, the two were laying in bed together, happily watching a house hunting show in silence.

“Thank you for a wonderful day love.” Jane kissed the younger girl’s hairline and fell asleep.

She would wake up the next morning feeling much better.

V.

Jane Seymour had never been the most literate person. Hell, she had a hard time signing her name on various documents. Catherine Parr, one who people wouldn’t expect to be so observant because her head was always in her books, picked up on the way it would take the blonde several seconds to sign her name. Or how she would look slightly terrified when they were handed notes on their show. Or how she tended to listen to audiobooks as opposed to reading the book, like the rest of them would. Or how she really only knew how to write the letters in her name, and that was all the writer had ever seen her write. How she made voice memos of grocery lists instead of writing them in her notes like she or Catherine would.

“I’m going to the store. Would anyone like anything?” Jane called from the front room. A few voices responded with various groceries.

“Just send me a text please. I’ll pick them up.”

“Would you like me to go with you?” Cathy offered.

“If you’d like.”

“That’s fine. I think I need a moment or two away from my laptop anyway,” the writer shrugged. 

“Did, did you just get Cathy to take a break from work?” Aragon peered at the blonde from her place on the couch.

“Oh hush. You all act like I’m a work-a-holic.”

“That’s because you are. Now, get your coat on. Come on.” She turned to face the stairs before hollering, “If you need anything, text me!”

The two were at the grocery store when the sixth queen noticed something a bit strange. Her blonde co-star had popped an earbud in. Only then did she realize that the third queen was clicking on what the others had texted and was listening to the words they had typed. Deciding to brush it off, she allowed the blonde to go about this strange habit she had.

The third queen thought she was home alone. It really was quite easy to forget that Cathy was home sometimes, locked away in her bedroom working on her writing. Jane was curled up on the couch, the warmth of the fire reflecting off of her face as she struggled to read a simple book she had bought recently. Little did she know, the writer was watching her diligently.

“Shit,” Jane sighed. She pulled out her phone and typed the word into google before playing the word quietly and repeating it a few times. “What the hell does that mean?” She highlighted the definition before having her phone read it out loud to her.

“Hey Jane!” Cathy made her presence known. “What are you reading?” She sat down next to the blonde.

“I uh, it’s this book about uh-” Jane took a deep breath before continuing. “-I don’t really know if I’m being honest. I’ve been trying to get better at reading, but it’s kind of confusing.”

“What’s confusing about it?” The writer asked in a genuine tone, not mocking or belittling.

“I uh, I don’t really know. I’ve just never been the best reader or writer. Sorry. This must seem so stupid to you, you know, being a writer and all. I guess I’ll just stick to my audio books and things like that.”

“I don't think it’s stupid. I think it’s very admirable that you’re trying to get better. It can be really tough at first. Would you like some help? With reading and writing?”

“I- I think I’d like that.”

The two bought various books, and after a few weeks, Jane was reading better. Not quite to the standard that she had hoped, but the sixth queen assured her it was a process and to be proud of the advances she had made in such a short time.

“What problems do you have with writing?”

“I never really learned penmanship, as you could probably tell from my signature in our old lives. I picked up on my signature and simple phrases like ‘thank you’ and ‘I love you’ for you girls. Other than that, I don’t even really know how to write most of the letters in the alphabet properly,” the third queen confessed, a shade of crimson becoming apparent on her face.

“That’s alright. Penmanship can be quite hard. But, if you already have small phrases known, you know a good amount of letters already. And, you seem to have practiced your signature quite a bit. It looks wonderful,” the blue queen encouraged.

“Thank you. I’ve practiced... a lot.”

“Well, it’s paid off. Maybe we could go to the bookstore and find a book to help?”

“I think that’d be nice.”

The least literate queen quickly became an avid reader and her penmanship became much better thanks to the first woman in England to publish a book. As her penmanship got better and she became more confident with her skills, the sixth queen noticed that Jane’s handwriting was appearing more and more often. Whether it be grocery lists or simple notes to her fellow queens letting them know she was going out and not to worry about her, she always seemed to be practicing. The times of the blonde popping in an earbud to listen to the grocery requests became less frequent, and she wasn't afraid to ask the blue queen for help if she didn’t quite understand a word.

A few months into Jane Seymour’s literary adventures, a note was slipped under Cathy’s bedroom door late one night while she was working. She recognized the, what was once sloppy and hard to read but now clean and neat, handwriting immediately- a sense of joy overwhelming her.

Cathy,

I know I’ve said time and time again how thankful I am that you’ve been able to help me with my reading and writing skills. I figured this would be as good a time as any to show you my skills. So, this note was written without any help from a dictionary or a phone to help me figure out how to spell something. Thank you for having faith in me and not giving up on me- even when I wanted to give up on myself. Thank you for not looking down on me for not having these skills before. I know it might’ve been easy to brush me off seeing that you’re the first woman in England to publish work. But you didn’t. I am so thankful that you decided to help me. You are truly a kind and wonderful woman. Gold star for you Cathy Parr. Thank you. I love you.

-Janey

Catherine Parr considered this her most prized possession, setting it on her desk for her to see every time she sat at her desk- which was quite frequently.

VI.

The queens had sat down for an interview, and the interviewer was quite rude to the third queen to say the least. He wasn’t necessarily kind to the other women, but he was certainly the worst when it came to Jane Seymour.

“Now, I do have a question for all of you- besides Miss Seymour.”

“Of course,” Jane muttered under her breath. She was truly getting sick of taking the brunt of this man’s hatred.

“How can you stand living with this boring and bland woman who claims she’s the only one Henry truly loved? Don’t you think she is the least deserving to be in this show of yours?” the interviewer asked with a devious smirk on his face.

“Who the hell approved that question?” Cleves was quick to speak.

“Ladies, I assure you no one approved that question,” the woman behind the camera spoke. “I’m so sorry. This interview is over, and you are fired, effective immediately. Leave.” The woman directed the last part at the interviewer.

“What? I just asked a question.”

“An incredibly rude question. I advise you to get out now, because this is my property, and because you are no longer an employee here, I do believe you’re trespassing without my permission.”

“No,” Catherine of Aragon stated, putting a hand up. “He asked a question. Why don’t we answer it queens?”

“Ladies, you don’t have to. His behavior was abhorrent. I assure you, none of this will air, and you will still be compensated for your efforts.”

“I think we should answer it,” Cathy agreed. 

“Keep the cameras rolling. You’re gonna want a video of this,” Anne grinned, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

“Queens, please don’t,” Jane practically squeaked, tears evident in her eyes.

“Why not Mum?”

“Because what he said was right,” Jane breathed out.

“No. Absolutely not,” Katherine shook her head, disgusted that this man who meant nothing to them could manipulate her mother into believing she was bland and boring.

“I advise you to listen closely- because I’m only going to say this once,” Katherine stared down this man, this being the first time she had ever stood up to a man without fear. “My mum is absolutely the least boring person on the earth, and you have no right to say anything about her. She is the most kind and caring person that I’ve ever met. She is insanely talented, she has a heart of gold, and she has more class in her pinky than you do in your entire body. She only says she’s the only one he truly loved because that’s how she went down in history.”

“Believe it or not, she tried to get us to take that part out because she didn’t want to offend the rest of us,” Cathy interjected.

“Jane is the least boring person I know. She might have this whole mum thing going for her, which we all know the queendom loves, and we wouldn’t trade her for the world. She keeps us- us being Anna, Kat, and me- in order. She’s a hell of a cook and a baker. She can be the silliest person when she wants to be. She is not boring or bland, and it is ridiculous to think that people think of her like that.” Anne crossed her arms, glaring at the man.

“What Seymour chooses to publish on social media is definitely not as risque as the rest of us. She chose that. What you guys don’t see is all of the things she doesn’t post. There are so many pictures of her being silly and making faces. She’s tried heelying with Bo. She’s been the mastermind between many pranks that go on in the house. She’s not afraid to get down and work out with me. She likes to keep it a bit more PG than most of us because she’s so very aware that we tend to have a younger fanbase, even with our show being a bit sexual at times. Seymour is the least boring person we know. She may not post all of the silly hijinks that happen,- and we don’t either because we don’t want to invade her privacy like that- but she is absolutely deserving of being a part of this family as any of us are. You know, the entire point of our show is to show how far we’ve come since we’ve been reincarnated. To show that we shouldn’t be compared. We are all here, and we are a family. We don’t need absolute morons with a single brain cell like you trying to tear down the family we’ve created. Suck on that, you buffoon,” Cleves practically yelled at the man.

“We were all the wives of the same man. Just because she may have gone down in history as ‘the only one he truly loved’ doesn’t mean she’s any less deserving of being in the show than the rest of us. And she is a wonderful person to live with. She makes sure we’re all okay when we’re sick or are having a rough day. She’s the first one to make a silly face and ‘ruin’ a picture. If you can believe it, it’s not Bo. She’s always surprising us with new things everyday- like when she beat Anna in an arm wrestling competition. She’s always striving to become a better person and show the world all the kindness and love that she has in her heart. She is far from bland and boring, and she is an absolute pleasure to work with and live with. She keeps our family together,” Aragon spoke a bit more level-headed than the rest of them, but her tone and glare towards the interviewer showed that she meant every word she had said.

“And with that, I think this interview is over,” Katherine stated with finality.

“Piss off. She’s still the bland wife,” the interviewer muttered.

“I’m so sorry, what was that?” Cleves stood from her chair.

“You clearly heard me,” the man also stood, trying to make an advance towards the red queen.

“Security, I think it’s about time you take this disgusting ex-employee out of here,” the woman behind the camera snarled to the men who had been behind her from the beginning. The man was escorted out quickly.

“I’m so sorry for the behavior that my ex-employee exhibited,” the woman sighed. “I do hope you know that none of that was planned, and he will not be getting his job back.”

“That was pretty clear,” Anne laughed.

“Miss Seymour, I’m so sorry for the-”

“It’s quite alright. It’s very clear not everyone here thought that way, and I’m sorry for the trouble we caused.”

“You six have nothing to apologize for. I do hope that we can try to reschedule another interviewer, perhaps with myself, if you’re still interested. Although, I do have to say I would completely understand if you decide to pull out of this interview after that experience.”

“I think that we could arrange something,” Jane smiled a bit for the first time since entering the building.

Later that night, Jane was in her room when she heard a light knock at the door. 

“Come in?” She called. When the door opened, she was met with the five other queens. “Hey girls.”

“I hope you know that we meant every word we said at that interview,” Catalina offered as she sat on the edge of the bed.

“We really did. That idiot-”

“I believe the word you chose was ‘buffoon’,” Anne laughed.

“That buffoon,” Anna continued. “was an absolute fool to think he could go after you like that and expect us to not defend you. Absolutely moronic.”

“Thank you girls. I really appreciate your efforts.”

“Please tell us you know that you aren’t bland and boring mum. Please,” Kat pleaded.

“As much as I wish I could, I still have those thoughts about myself sometimes,” the blonde admitted bashfully.

“Well, we’ll just keep reminding you that you’re amazing, and we love you just the way you are,” Cathy assured the silver queen.

“Thank you loves.”

So, maybe Jane Seymour wasn’t unbreakable. But in reality, her family was always right there to pick up her broken pieces and put her back together. Her family.

[itsmyusualphannie]

something wrong in the village

Chapter 2/5: exodus Beta: @candanandphilnot Rating: T Warnings: None Read on ao3

Summary: Fiona Lester has a secret. Dan Howell thinks they hate each other. Dan meets an online friend and comes to realize something important about himself while juggling a changing relationship with his parents, friends, and Fiona.

~~~ previous chapter ~~~ next chapter ~~~

"But Mum!"

"Don't 'But Mum' me!" Dan's mum stood in front of the dining table, fists clenched on her hips like a warrior preparing to charge into battle. "You know what I said yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that!"

Dan slumped in his seat, eyebrows furrowed furiously. His arms were crossed, shoulders hunched as he scowled up at his mum. "I've been planning to go for months! You can't just stop me from going, I have plans!"

"I am not stopping you from going," she barked, "but if you keep on like this, then I will. I said you could go on Sunday and not the entire weekend!" She whirled to her husband, who was sitting demurely as he munched on toast. "Back me up!"

Dan's dad glanced up, gaze flicking between both of their set stances. He sighed. "Dan, just because it's been three weeks since your suspension doesn't mean you're not grounded. I'm sorry, but you should have thought about this before you decided to tussle with a girl. In class, no less."

Dan's mum nodded in approval, but then her eyes narrowed, so he hastily added, "Anyone, I mean. Tussled with anyone."

"Fiona isn't grounded!" Dan burst out, but he shrank back into his seat when his mum's dangerously-slitted gaze swivelled to him.

"You're not going with your friends," she said with an air of finality. "I'll take you up there Sunday morning and you can spend all day there, but you're not staying the entire weekend. That's the day when your favourite band is playing anyway. You'll be home by midnight. And that's my decision. You can either accept it or not go at all."

Dan shoved his half-eaten plate away from him with a clatter, and then he stormed to his room. His lip stung with his effort to stay silent, teeth digging into it. He threw himself down upon his bed once he got there, the surge of fury he'd been maintaining throughout that entire conversation now beginning to fade once he had a few rooms and a slammed door between him and his parents.

This annual weekend festival was the biggest music event of the year, at least for Dan. He had been looking forward to it the instant he'd left last year's festival, head whirling and heart pumping dangerously from the thrill of the drumbeats. He'd planned for months with his friends, their car ride and clothes and snacks sorted down to the last detail. Sure, they weren't all the closest of friends, but they were mates who liked the same sort of music that Dan liked, and that really all that mattered. One of them had an older sister who was going to the festival and she'd offered her car as a ride for the small group of friends, so it had all finally fallen into place.

It was all for nothing, now. Dan couldn't go with them. The comradery of the trip would be meaningless if Dan showed up on the last day of the festival. The others would have already bonded and had fun without him, and Dan doubted that he'd be seamlessly accepted into the group once he'd missed most of the action. Sure, Muse was Dan's favourite band, but they certainly weren't the only band he liked. He'd miss two full days worth of bands and singers.

It was Wednesday, and Dan had been alternating between arguing and pleading for the past week to convince his parents to let him go on Friday. He doubted it would happen now, with only one day between him and the first festival day.

Dan got up and opened his door just to slam it again. His mum's voice rose somewhere in the house, but he flipped the lock and ignored her. He crossed the room and threw himself into his seat at the desk, yanking open his laptop.

It took less than ten seconds to send a quick can't go friday, parents are fucking arses. b there sunday to his mates' group chat, and then he closed it out and resolved to ignore them until the day actually came. A small part of him whispered that maybe, just maybe, they would be glad he wasn't coming. They'd have more fun without him anyway.

Dan opened his browser. With slow fingers, he tapped in a website URL. Before he'd even gotten five characters typed, the browser auto-filled the rest. He had, perhaps, been visiting this website multiple times a day for the past few weeks. It wasn't even a porn website.

It loaded, bright colours immediately assaulting Dan's vision. He blinked away the spots that invaded his sight, mousing over the page to click on the uppermost right corner, a speech bubble that had been revealed after a few mutual messages back and forth with a certain correspondent.

The FRIEND chat function opened. A message was waiting for him, the sender 'amazingphil.' Dan let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and clicked on his chat with Phil.

Agree to disagree, read the message in a bubbly font. or! just agree. think about it: a shiba inu and corgi mix. I'd lose my mind

Dan huffed a laugh without meaning to do so. He hadn't meant to keep talking to this 'Phil,' but he'd been intrigued by the enthusiastic and carefree way the other boy talked. They'd shared many common interests and disagreed on just as many, but both provided topics with which they could converse. Some topics lasted a few days of conversation, while some only a few lines in the chat. Dan had long ago lost his resolve that this was a bot, or that he was simply doing this just to be ironic. He'd never before found it so easy to just...talk to someone.

sure, Dan typed as a response to Phil's message. ngl if i saw a shiba inu/corgi puppy i would die for it

He sent the message, then hastily added, what would the mashup name be tho, shorgi? corgi inu? coriba?

He scrolled back up their chat after sending that one, glancing over their past messages as he went. Dan thought, maybe, if he and Phil ever met, he could probably use some of these as blackmail for eternity.

What's wrong with it? read one of Phil's messages from Monday. it's just easier that way, you don't get crumbs or chocolate all over your fingers

it's HELL. biting into a kitkat without breaking it is just wrong. i don't think i can speak to you anymore

Dan snorted a laugh and shook his head, continuing to go further up through their chat history.

i killed a plant this morning :(

wtf, Dan had replied. This had been last Friday, the first day Dan had begun begging his parents to let him attend the full festival. He hadn't been in the best of moods then, either, but it had at least been better than today.

i didn't mean to! i saw a cute boy and accidentally stepped on a sunflower :((

Dan remembered his hesitation then, his long pause at the open way Phil had typed that. Maybe Phil hadn't found it that easy, maybe he had agonized over the message before sending it. Dan had no way of knowing. Not for the first time since he'd started talking to Phil, Dan had hurt with the desire to see him in person and just talk. He'd replied with a simple wow, disaster

:'( Phil had replied, and that would have been the last message on the topic, but Dan's fingers had suddenly worked faster than his brain and he'd typed disbelievingly, wait, how tf did you step on a sunflower. aren't they fucking massive or summat?

D': it was a baby sunflower!! it's even worse

you're a monster, Dan had typed. His heart had stepped up a few beats as he'd added no more looking at cute boys for you. they're all mine now

nooo that's the only good part of my terrible days, Phil had bewailed, and Dan remembered that he had laughed out of the sheer thrill of it, the casual acceptance of a stranger on the internet.

A ping! sounded from the browser and a tiny alert appeared. New messages! it declared. Scroll down to view them.

Dan scrolled down to view them.

shorgi! Phil had answered Dan's query about the hypothetical mix-breed puppy. no, shinorgi, he'd added a moment later. Even as Dan was reading them, another message popped up. Actually these probably already exist. I'm going to look them up, wiat

wiat, Dan mocked the typo, but he waited. Phil sent a picture a moment later, a beautiful golden-haired puppy with a curling tail. It had a wide smile directed at the camera, eyes bright and intelligent.

I WOULD DIE FOR HIM. WHAT A GOOD BOI, replied Dan instantly, abandoning his aesthetic use of all lowercase spelling.

SAME, Phil enthused.

Dan considered punching his computer or himself, just to get the image of the puppy away from him. Nothing that adorable should exist in this world. Humanity didn't deserve it.

i want to eat him, Phil added.

weirdo, typed Dan, but he knew what Phil meant, and wasn't that the strange thing about all of this? It had been three weeks since they'd started talking, and Dan knew what he meant.

I have to do homework now, popped up another message from Phil. send me some doggo pics to help me through these hard times.

Dan rolled his eyes, but he opened another browser and searched for cute dog pics, and he downloaded them, and he sent them to Phil.

He didn't realize he'd been smiling ever since he'd opened this chat.

~~~

Heat seared the back of Dan's neck as he weaved his way between milling, chattering groups. Music was a dull roar in the background, temporarily drowned out by the loud discussions all around him. The ground thrummed in the beat, beat, beat rhythm of the drums and the crowd's stomps in the Pit Stage.

Dan had just left the Pit Stage. Two of his friends were still there, jostled between screaming fans of The Prettyboys and doing their fair share of jostling as well, but Dan hadn't been feeling the usual buzz that came with listening to furious tunes. It had been just a little too frenzied, so Dan had simple squirmed his way from the heaving, bellowing throng, and made his way outside.

He didn't know where he was headed next. The rest of his friends were in the Dance tent, but Dan had had enough of flailing teenagers doing their best to embody their favourite dancer, so he wasn't going back after the disaster earlier.

"Sorry, sweetie," slurred a pink-haired woman as she bumped into him. Her makeup was sweating under the glare from the sun directly overhead, a more grotesque facsimile of the liquid pooling in Dan's armpits and making its way down his back. The woman disentangled herself with someone's picnic basket on the ground and left Dan, offering him a friendly parting wave and then chugging directly from the flask in her other hand.

Dan swiped ineffectually at the smear of sweat she'd left on his shirt sleeve, but then he gave up and continued on. He would go to the Main Stage, he decided. Muse would start in a little less than an hour and that's where they would be playing, so he might as well.

He'd arrived at the festival only four hours before, his mum dropping him off with a cheerful wave and a "call if your friends can't bring you back tonight!" and then a sterner "and you'd better be home by midnight," but Dan's stamina had worn down quickly. He wasn't sure if it was the lack of time spent throwing himself into every band's time on the different stages, unlike his friends, who had been here since Friday morning, or if it was the suffocating heat, or that he hadn't heard from Phil since yesterday morning. Sure, it had only been one day, but ever since they had started talking, they hadn't missed a day of communication. In any case, Dan's energy had dwindled, his feet ached, his stomach growled, and he wanted to curl up in the shadow of the nearest unused boombox and take a nap.

The grass bristled beneath his feet as he trudged toward the Main Stage. Despite the thousands of people packing it into the dirt beneath their feet, it was stubborn still. A few people had even spread blankets on the grass and were sprawled across them, sunbathing or just resting surrounded by the sparse crowd. Dan was almost jealous, as he could be doing the same if his mum had let him come Friday with the supplies he'd planned, but then, he didn't fully understand the appeal of willingly sacrificing oneself to be roasted beneath the scorching rays when a breeze, albeit a small one, could be obtained by simply walking and flapping his shirt back and forth every-so-often.

The crowds thinned as Dan walked further from the Pit Stage, but began to grow in size again as he neared the Main Stage. He was bumped into with every few steps he took, and while most people weren't as drunkenly apologetic as the previous woman, they let him sidle past.

His phone buzzed as he passed the entrance to the Main Stage. He finagled it from his pocket, wiping sweat on his jeans to swipe at the screen. It was a text from one of his friends to the group chat, asking where everyone was.

Muse in 40 mins! said the message. let's meet at the front b4 we miss good spots.

Dan didn't bother answering, slipping his phone back into his pocket instead. They would find him soon enough, probably.

It wasn't that Dan didn't want to be around his friends, it was that...well, yeah, he didn't want to be around his friends. He had an awful ache gnawing at him, the feeling that his friends were having the time of their lives and Dan was most definitely not having any time of his life. It might have just been that Dan had been looking forward to this for an entire year and the experience wasn't living up to his expectations. Perhaps it was because he hadn't watched Muse perform yet and the experience wouldn't truly begin until then.

 An elbow thudded into Dan's side, interrupting his ruminations. He winced and leaned away, willing to let the person go past him and further into the stage area, but he was only jabbed again, and then once more.

"Ow," Dan finally complained, and he turned toward his assailant, and then. He stopped. He blinked. He breathed. "What are you doing here?"

Fiona scoffed at him. "Everyone in fucking England is at the festival right now, either here or in Leeds. As if I wouldn't be."

Dan recoiled, but he couldn't recoil very far. He hit the mass of bodies and came right back to his original position. "But you - " There was absolutely nothing that could have made this day any worse than it already was. 

"What are you doing here?" Fiona retorted. Her hair was in a high ponytail, but it was bedraggled, falling in damp strands around her face. Moisture beaded on her forehead and upper lip.

She looked disgusting, Dan decided. "I'm in fucking England too, aren't I?" he snapped. Another biting remark was on the tip of his tongue, but a guitar sang noisily in the distance, interrupting him, and the electric twang brought him back to his surroundings and out of his focus fully directed at Fiona.

"I'm not talking to you," Dan decided. He made to turn his back on her, but the hairy chest of a burly man was right in his eye line, so he turned back toward her and crossed his arms instead. "I'm here to have fun," he announced, even though he had not had any of that all day. "You're just going to ruin it, so kindly piss off."

She looked unimpressed. "As if I want to be talking to you, Hobbit boy. I'm just waiting for my friends to get here."

Dan glared. The insult hit home, making its way right to the curls on Dan's head. "I'm waiting for my friends to get here," he said but regretted it as soon as he said it. Repeating what she said was a useless insult. He fished frantically in his mind for something with a little more bite, but Fiona beat him to it.

"You? Friends?" She laughed heartily, clutching her stomach and throwing her head back.

Dan did not look at the long, pale column of her neck. He did not look at the reddening patches of bare arm where her loose, eye-searingly bright shirt left little protection from the smouldering sun. He definitely did not look at the tiny freckles sprouting on her cheeks, prompted by the heat.

When she finished chortling, Dan pointed out, "Your laugh looks so stupid. You poke your tongue out, like this." He demonstrated grotesquely, biting down on his tongue and crossing his eyes.

Fiona just laughed again. "I do not."

She did.

Dan's phone buzzed again. He scowled at Fiona and pulled it out, accepting the escape. It was just another excited message about Muse from one of his friends, but Dan tapped languorously on his phone for a good few minutes, attempting to appear absorbed. He hoped Fiona would leave.

She didn't.

"Why are you still here?" he finally snapped up at her, shoving his phone back into his pocket with more force than it necessarily warranted.

"I literally just told you, I'm waiting for my friends. Besides, it's clearly annoying you. As if I'd go anywhere else when I could annoy you."

Dan sneered at her. She sneered right back.

They couldn't find much else to say, insults exhausted, for now, so they stood in silence, or whatever could be interpreted as silence with the distant scream of instruments and the loud babble of conversations around them. Dan's phone didn't really interest him, but he pulled it out again anyway, checking for updates about his friends' locations or how close they were from him. The closest of his mates was still a few minutes away, caught up in the straggling edges of the massive crowd centred around the Main Stage.

"You like Muse?" Fiona asked abruptly, and Dan almost jumped. He hadn't forgotten she was there, but he had expected her to respect the mutual silence.

"Yes," he said though, shortly, and opened the Tumblr app. He'd only scrolled through a few posts before he was interrupted again.

"What's your favourite album?"

Dan squinted at her. "Why the fuck do you care? What, are you going to find some way to mock me for it?"

She rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed. "I'm just trying to make conversation, jackass. I'm bored."

"So? We haven't had a conversation in like…" Dan actually had to stop and think about that, "...I dunno, four years. When we talked about how my clothes sucked and then you pantsed me."

Fiona cackled. It was a truly malicious, rolling laugh that made something squirm in Dan's gut. He took it for disgust. It couldn't be anything more. "Ah," she said. "That was funny. You were wearing Winnie the Pooh boxers, I remember. I bet you still have them."

"I don't still have them," lied Dan.

"You do," she assured him. "So what's your favourite album?"

Dan considered answering it, but his suspicions were too great to allow him to freely give away such information. "What's yours?"

"Absolution," she said easily.

Dan did some more consideration and finally, he reluctantly allowed, "Origin of Symmetry."

Fiona nodded slowly, and something hopeful began to sprout in Dan's chest, but it was stifled upon her next words. "Absolution is better."

Dan scoffed and lifted his phone again, ready to continue scrolling, but Fiona added, "But Origin of Symmetry is probably my next favourite. Good taste."

He couldn't help his suspicious glare directed at her. "You're being weird," he finally decided. She was. Their insults were at usual par, but Fiona was acting differently, somehow. Dan couldn't quite put his finger on it. The crinkles around her eyes were less prominent, maybe, or her shoulders might be less tense as she talked to him. Something small seemed to have shifted in her, and Dan wasn't quite sure whether he liked it or not.

Fiona shrugged easily. "'M not being weird," she said. "I'm just relaxed. You can't punch me in a crowd full of people, you'll get tossed out of the festival."

"Neither can you," said Dan.

She waved a flippant hand. "I wouldn’t punch your filthy face anyway, I just did my nails."

Dan couldn't help a disbelieving stare at said nails, but he saw nothing other than the usual chewed cuticles and ragged nails. He would have been truly shocked if she had. Dan had never known her to paint her nails, not once since he'd known her. Makeup didn't seem to interest her either, as Dan had seen her wearing it maybe two or three times. It would be bizarre, he thought, to see her eyelashes as any colour other than their pale golden hue.

Dan wrenched his thoughts from Fiona's eyelashes. What the fuck.

Someone else jostled Dan, squirming past him to sprawl an arm over Fiona's shoulders. He was a little shorter than Fiona, with short red-gold hair and an easy grin that matched Fiona's. "Hey my little dude!" he enthused, rubbing his knuckles over her head and knocking loose another handful of strands to dangle around her face. "Finally found you!"

Fiona shoved him off of her, but a grin had spread across her face at the assault. "Get off, Martyn. Where's Cornelia?"

"She's hauling the cooler. We got beer - " It was at this moment that the man caught sight of Dan watching them, so he hastily corrected himself to " - water, that is," and winked, as if there was literally any liquid other than alcohol or sweat at the festival.

"That's Dan," Fiona said coolly, and made no move to introduce Martyn, but that was fine because Dan already knew her older brother. One couldn't have a mortal enemy without knowing their family members, after all.

"Ah, Dan," said Martyn, and winked again.

"Stop," Fiona complained. She shoved him again. "Go help Cornelia, you nutter."

He left, shouldering his way through the crowd, and Dan barely waited until he was gone before repeating, "Friends," in the same tone that Fiona had used earlier when mocking Dan's friends.

Fiona didn't look intimidated. "Just because they're family doesn't mean they can't be friends, too."

"At least I have actual friends," said Dan, feeling like he was lying once more. This one felt bitter in his mouth, a reminder that he felt utterly alone at this concert. This brief repartee with Fiona was the most alive he had felt in hours.

A shrug. "Whatever floats your tiny little boat," she said. She stood on tiptoe to peer over the people beside her. The gesture only served to remind Dan that, while he stood securely over six feet tall, Fiona was only an inch below him. She towered over most other girls her age, tall and lanky and too clumsy for her own height. It might be considered endearing - if Dan didn’t despise her.

"Ah, there they are," she chirped, evidently catching sight of Martyn and Cornelia. She dropped back down and smirked at Dan. "See you at school tomorrow, Hobbit Howell."

Dan's voice failed him at the worst possible moment, at the time she was finally leaving. He had no witty parting remark, no snappy comeback as she ducked her way between two jostling shirtless guys. He could only watch her leave, mouth gaping uselessly as he floundered for something biting to hurl after her. Nothing came to him, so he had to just stare purposelessly as she vanished from sight.

As if they had been waiting for Dan to be free from the hold of his mortal enemy, two of Dan's friends arrived via a pack of rowdy teenagers, making their way toward Dan. One of his mates reached out and snagged his arm to haul him further inside the Main Stage. "Come on, man, we've got to get a good place before it starts!" he yelled over the growing crescendo of the crowd. 

Dan cast one look back over his shoulder where Fiona had disappeared, and then he followed his mates further into the people crushing ever closer to the stage. A crash of cymbals preceded his entrance and the crowd roared a unanimous approval.

Muse was here.

~~~ previous chapter ~~~ next chapter ~~~

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Indie

Rio: How did you even? Rio: Soz Bills but this is next level sorcery! Indie: nah man it werent no militant thing Indie: when your ride that crutterz whatever i did was gonna make it less clappin' innit Indie: plus your boy mad distracting 👌 i been knew Rio: Too real 😂 could hear me coming, like Rio: giving the boy racers a run for their money and I ain't even tryna hang, lads 😬😷 Rio: Idk how yous even managed it seriously but 👏 Indie: could here you cumming too bitch i knew i had time 😏😂 Indie: forreal tho you better not drag without me 👑 of the strip like so gimme them 2s Indie: thank me with that good 🎂 fore the sibs take every slice Rio: Ew shut up 😂 Rio: 'Course, babe Rio: Not racing for pinks now you got my motor so 🔥 tho Rio: Can have Ro's Rio: baby might want some of that taste sensation like but 🤷 Indie: tell yourself and your mans 👌🤐 Indie: yeah your whip is beast now if i do say myself after clocking in dem hours Indie: gotta hit drew with his share of that sugar cos he did help me source Indie: but unlucky younger you ain't getting yours 😂 Rio: PLEASE Rio: I know you ain't been hearing when I been trying so hard Rio: full time occupation keeping it 🤐 legit Rio: I love it Rio: That's good, nothing like bonding under the hood of a car right? Indie: is it? then how am i clued that mckenna aint the strong silent type that he is in the streets 😏 boy got some volume Indie: gurl we need more paper if you want that privacy cos thats how the walls be in this drum Indie: yeah? i love you bitch 💖 Indie: naaaah you kno he aint getting himself dirty like that with no oil or grease Indie: 💰 only Indie: & he took me buying off them travellers and DAMN how some of those lads be 😍 Rio: Imma pretend I didn't hear THAT 'cos I ain't about to share his secrets 😏 Rio: I'll work on it then 😜 Rio: Always gon' love you bitch 🧡 Rio: What a tart 🙄 Rio: Not you though don't be tryna give me grey hairs already gurl 😂 Indie: 😂 Indie: me too cos you the only 1 getting that work done free baby Indie: 💖💖💖 Indie: gotta look good for his fancy piece innit 🏥 Indie: catch me on site tryna get grabbed rn giving you all the alone time w mckenna you be needing Rio: Trust, feeling that special with it 💖👸 Rio: 'Course, not that he's afraid of hard graft or anything, nah 😏 Rio: Hold up on the heart attack you gonna give Ma Rio: 'cos about to both have all that alone time 🛫🏖 Indie: safe 👑 Indie: nah nah 😂 hardest working rudeboy in the 24 Indie: self titled drew innit tho Indie: ma can get in line cos how these boys are got me feelin i could have one of my own 😍😍 mines bout to stop on the words they say & them accents Indie: gotta play hard like my wifey do so i dont get vexed being here in this temp at this time Indie: stuck schoolin & hustlin like 😒 Rio: 😂 Rio: I ain't no snitch so I'll keep it on the dl Rio: but bitch knows her way 'round that site herself so 👀 out for her even if your 💘 is gone like Rio: Poor baby 😟😥 Promise it's your turn next, anywhere you wanna Indie: ✌✌✌ Indie: its chill ill party like its my bday & im legal Indie: cant keep a rudegirl down Indie: gimme the 411 on how mckenna did tho did he come through w your 💍 or nah Rio: Gotta have one on me, like Rio: wouldn't be polite otherwise 😋 Rio: [pics] Rio: Bitch, when I tell you I can't even Indie: 😮😮 bitch WTF Indie: how he out here doing it like that?? Indie: boy stop Indie: but like dont Rio: I know Rio: and you're gonna see where we're going Rio: it's ridiculous Rio: he's ridiculous Indie: 😍😍😍 Indie: and you dont want me on his friends bitch EXCUSE ME Indie: i gotta tap this demo Rio: I thought we was all about the travellers now? Rio: if I can't keep up with you idk how these lads stand a chance 💔😉 Indie: allow it Indie: not trying to get wifey'd by anyone else Indie: & no lad has said yeah to my 💘 yet Indie: hmu all of yous Rio: At the risk of sounding older than the 18 I'm repping now Rio: Enjoy the ride, babe Rio: way more fun Indie: 😂😂 Indie: this boy tho i need him 💰 or nah Rio: Gimme the deets then! Indie: i gotta go back & get em im pure 💘 from first 👀 Rio: You best hmu when you do Rio: just 'cos Imma be in paradise don't mean I'm not still mumsie Indie: if you dont hear then you know i been owned by my 😍 & hes some chief wasteman who just thinks he bad Rio: all been there Rio: and you know, can't be judging whilst you keeping my secret can I? Indie: ma please thats your whole job 😂 it is how my step be doin it like Rio: I'll let her cover it then Rio: be the cool mum we all know i'm destined to be Indie: is it? Indie: can you be cool & tell her to hurry up and drop so the baby girl can vex her stead of me Indie: living so dry rn Rio: You reckon that'll make her any cooler? Rio: Mumming even harder, just you wait babe Indie: 😒😒 Indie: tell her i got loads of mas then Rio: Bless Rio: least we're back on so you don't have to live with her and Drew, like Indie: 🙏🙏 foreal tho shes flatroofin me from afar i cant be running in that house no more Indie: dont leave me woman Rio: Promise Rio: that said, a bitch be packing Indie: not gonna say take me w this time cos i kno what you finna do w that boy Indie: 😏 mad jealous Rio: 🤐 remember Indie: trust Indie: if i go back for that lad tonite is that too hype? its been a minute since i was there but idk Rio: Nah, go for it babe Indie: ✌✌ Indie: garda better keep things jam cos i aint asking drew for a ride there Rio: Not the vibe getting your Da to take you to a dick appointment, like Indie: 😂😂 Indie: hes been in a weird vibe Indie: must be cos the 👶 is due soon Rio: Yeah? Rio: Know he ain't go as hard as mine but hardly new to the game Indie: first time hes done it standard tho Indie: still no excuse to get so high off your own supply tho Indie: idk man Indie: maybes hes having a midlife Indie: maybe shes just driving him how she do me Rio: God knows Rio: ain't your job to stress it tho Rio: leave that to them, like Indie: innit Indie: just dont let mckenna put one in you Indie: its a madness how she flips Rio: Err no chance Rio: I bet Rio: already highly strung bless her, then you throw a load of hormones at her, nah, I'm good Indie: you can rep that how you like babe but aint none of our parents tryna bring us & still we out here vibin Indie: least they wanted this one like Rio: Yeah but I've heard of birth control 🙄 Rio: You think she'll make him marry her? Rio: Get a dress, like Indie: how un 🍀 of you bitch 😂 Indie: yeah shes been after a 💍 since she landed back in his bed Indie: better not try and put me in no dress Rio: 😂 matching with your younger Rio: so cute Indie: allow it Indie: ill 🛑 that shit fore i agree that Rio: 😬 no one needs to see that Indie: or other mckenna snapping the day like she needs the 💰 Indie: wheres the peng one taking you then? Rio: fr fr Rio: Maldives baby Rio: I'll send you all the pics Indie: 😮😮😮😮 Indie: that boy gon kill me & i aint even going Indie: don't send me ALL the pics tho I dont need 👀 for what ive already 👂 Rio: this place gon' kill me Rio: i been some places but damn Rio: behave Rio: gotta pay for that privilege honey 💁 Indie: when you fam & she still tryna charge 😂 Indie: tax a celeb hottie aint that how & where they hang? Rio: You want that new drum babe Rio: 🤞 Indie: hells yeah i want that new yard for a 🐶 Indie: make it happen ma Rio: 💪 here's hoping there's a becks or some shit out here Indie: spoke like mckenna aint dropping that dime on you standard Indie: lookin & actin all 😇 Indie: 💸💸💸 Rio: Think asking for a new gaff is taking the piss though 😉 Indie: IS IT THO 😂 Indie: boy down to move you in if he coulda Rio: I don't think he down to be livin' in the 24 tho 😏 Indie: bitch you know id change postcode if i can party in his Rio: You'd hate it 😂 Indie: nah all dem rich rudeboys wanna slum it for a nite Indie: hmu lads Rio: been there done that Rio: 'less they upped their game Rio: not worth the plane ticket Indie: waste 💔 Rio: truly Rio: keep rinsing their da's, like Indie: if youd let me babe ✌ Rio: bitch, not you ⛔ Indie: jokes Indie: imma link my gypsy prince Rio: 👍 Rio: how many 👙s do I need Indie: how long he ticking you away from me & these ends for? Rio: only a week Rio: should be in school, like Indie: 😂 Indie: at choir practice or some posho shit like Indie: but forreal like you dont wanna repeat gotta keep the looks fresh and the game 🔥 Rio: 😂 can you imagine Rio: lawd Rio: yeah, fuck it, one for every day and a spare it is 😉 Indie: 👑👑 rep that Indie: you kno that boy gon be carrying more clothes than a store Rio: Well, he ain't dodging those extra baggage charges by putting shit in my case, like Indie: 💔 Indie: honeymoon off fore its on Rio: When I can't quit being a bitch 🤷 Rio: awks Indie: you bad & he loves it Rio: hope so Rio: don't need domestics in the airport forreal Rio: don't kill my vibe boy Indie: 😂 Indie: bitch like he could when youre ✈ maldives Rio: Yeah we both gon' put up and shut up for that view Indie: forreal gon be lush Indie: im vexed but stealth bout it Indie: save you that domestic baby Rio: We gon' brawl when I'm back? Rio: Okay, I'll prepare my best dramatics in my downtime Indie: depends how im vibin Indie: got my own plans for this week Rio: Aside from riding a gypsy or? Indie: thats day 1 gurl Indie: keep w me Indie: drew best not be trying to chill & ruin my empty Indie: brawl him no drama Rio: Do my best Rio: and if you change the locks on him, send us a key, like Indie: innit tho Indie: get to steppin man Indie: your drum be lavish use it Rio: When he ever there man Rio: how they found time to make this baby is impressive if not gross Indie: 😂 Indie: no shade but im shook she could Rio: Literally though Rio: could call her a medical miracle, might not clock the shade over the ego boost Indie: good she aint here cos im creased rn Indie: their life is mad jokes Rio: s'alright, she can take a good laugh at mine if she gotta Indie: please your life is bare hectic 💖👑 Indie: dont trip Rio: Doubt the Cambs med student turned super doc is jelly tho 😜 Indie: what she kno? shes drews piece & he still more about you 😂 Rio: Shut up Indie: ✌ Rio: You crazy Indie: he is Indie: for ya Indie: chatting at me about how you grown good Rio: He really is high Indie: you kno Indie: old man relax 😂 Rio: Nasty Rio: gimme my card and cash and begone Indie: gimme your slice of cake too drew cos you aint eating for two Indie: abs are welcome like Rio: 😂 Rio: sometimes i reckon you are Rio: you and ya tapeworm Indie: big love Indie: even if i am marv Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Indie: keep me knowin & ill give you same back 💖 Rio: 'Course, goes without saying Rio: ✌ out lil one Indie: safe