the other day i was looking through the drawings on my old laptop and found this self-portrait art challenge thing i did at some point several years ago, so i thought it would be interesting to update it with my current self for old times' sake :-) i don't know why i felt the need to be so mean to myself in all the descriptions but i have tried to be at least slightly nicer this time around. sorry past me [id under cut]
[id: a series of four full-body digital drawings of a pale-skinned person at different ages. the first three depict me in 2007, 2013, and 2017 under the heading 'George'; the fourth, in a different art style, depicts me in 2023 under the heading 'Ned (I changed my name)'.
the first drawing shows a young child with long hair wearing a fluffy pink jumper, a pink skirt, and pink shoes. bullet points above read:
annoying
copies other people constantly
draws cute animals
arrogant
cries when told off
maybe 1 friend
the second drawing shows a young teenager wearing a hoodie and trainers and looking uncomfortable. bullet points above read:
anxious
listens to Simon and Garfunkel exclusively
bad under pressure
anime
writes bad fanfiction
draws bad fanart
the third drawing shows a smiling teenager wearing a plaid shirt, jeans, and brown boots. bullet points above read:
what the HELL is a Self Esteem
really into 60s music
cries a lot
0 fashion sense
usually dissociating
thinkin about trees
the fourth drawing shows a young man with messy brown hair, a striped brown shirt, a beige woollen tank top, and burgundy plaid trousers; he is leaning on a wood-textured folding cane and holding the strap of a brown leather satchel with his other hand. bullet points above read:
still no self-esteem but medicated now
significantly worse handwriting (wrist knackered)
I haven't changed much to be honest
RBF so severe I get followed around by the security guards at the supermarket
I think you’re talking about these posts [here & here], I don’t know if there have been others.
I'm not gonna say what I did was right, you are correct I should probably just not respond to asks getting me to talk about other people. I will say for these two posts those people had already blocked me I’m pretty sure, so it’s kinda hard to talk directly to them in that case. And I was not doing so anonymously and had not blocked them so I wasn’t hiding what I was saying. I did not follow them, I am not part of the innitor community, and not that that makes it right but I do think it is kinda different. Though you make a good point, perhaps we should stop this pattern of responding to asks about other blogs and such.
Still, the biggest thing to me I realized, back in elementary school when I first dealt with this, was that honestly all the time we talk about people behind their back. Talking about people when they aren’t always in the room is kinda just inevitable and part of socializing, however I think the important part is how you are talking about other people. It’s when you are insulting them, talking negatively about them to people they know, spreading false information and so on that it becomes not okay. Hopefully that makes sense.
In these cases I merely focused on the lore. I didn’t insult them or talk shit about them, as a person, as a blog or say their takes were stupid or they are stupid or speculate about their trauma or mental history. I just talked about reasons why I disagreed, or saw things differently and why we might see things differently. They were also not the only ones I saw to say similar things so I think in my mind I was making more of a general discussion, not trying to target them specifically. I didn’t post beyond that about them. But you are right, regardless it was probably not the right way to go about things.
But just to be clear, if I am a hypocrite it is not my intention. I haven’t vague blog anyone or meant to vague reblog anyone. I think this week is pretty much the first time I’ve ever been not naming, passive aggressively talking about blogs, and even then I’m not trying to insult them, trying to cancel them. I’m just expressing that before you go off about how I’m stupid and unable to have a discussion about it, the very least you could’ve done was give me an opportunity to try.
most fucked up thing at my new job is there's only zero calorie sweeteners at the coffee station in the break room. three different kinds of zero calorie sweetener but no regular sugar because the assumption is that literally everyone is on a diet?
99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
i'm gonna be autistic about borderlands for a sec, everyone stay with me okay
i do not understand why the borderlands games try to make moxxi so important to jack, i dont get it, genuinely it doesn't make sense
so, spoilers for BL2, the pre-sequel, tales from the borderlands, and BL3 moxxi's heist- the general info you need is that jack and moxxi canonically dated for a period of time between the first game and TPS, how long this was we arent sure but we can make a guess that at the VERY most it was less then six months of them being together
we can piece this together by the vague timeline of TPS happening about a year or less after the first game
(this is estimated by the fact that Athena said she worked with jack five years ago, meaning TPS happened five years ago by the time the second game takes place and five years is also the amount of time that's passed between the first and the second game so- TPS took place in a very short few month period after the first game)
now we know that they couldn't have been together for long because moxxi was together with BOTH mordecai AND jack during this only a few month period of time between games- this is confirmed in a line of dialogue from BL2 where mordecai says moxxi left him for jack at the end of BL1 but then in TPS moxxi and jack are already broken up, which means they could have only been together for a few months for the timeline of five years to make sense! at the VERY most they were together for like, three months or even just a few weeks. all that matters is that it was not very long
in BL2 there's also a line about jack destroying moxxi's fighting dome because he thought she cheated on him, which is a thing he does AS handsome jack not as the normal dude jack he was when they broke up, the reason for which is still unknown but we know it was Vaguely Messy which is like whatever, sure, that sorta makes sense for him to do but what DOESN'T is the games trying to convince you that jack is in love with her.
okay you still following? cool
in TPS jack is visibly uncomfortable around moxxi and doesn't like working with her, even going as far as asking her to stop calling him 'sugar' a request she just, ignores and continues doing anyway, also during TPS is when jack gets together with nisha, his canon girlfriend he's had through the five years between BL1 and BL2. jack is INSANELY in love with nisha, we see this in the after credits art of both TPS and BL2 same with the way he talks to her/about her in TPS and in outside game material where he literally stutters when talking about her AND in the way he proudly displays her hat in his office in TFTBL alongside his most prized possessions.
he LOVES his woman with his entire heart, he gave her a whole town to prove it!! nisha is his everything outside of hyperion so, tell me, PLEASE why BL3 tried to tell us that jack was still in love with moxxi? because i do not get it at all
what im talking about here is 1. in moxxi's heist timothy is in love with moxxi, this is made canon in TPS where he fumbles through trying to flirt with her and in the heist dlc this is brought up again and timothy has a line about how jack asked moxxi on a date during his reign as handsome jack and sent timothy to go as him because he was busy but like, why would he do that? we know that jack is insane about nisha why would he then?? ask his ex that he visibly hates on a date??? and then 2. they added a fucking painting of her in his office in the casino.
i do not even know where to begin on how much i hate that detail
when you get to jack's office in the casino there are two paintings you find, one is of angel- makes sense, is his daughter who he loves even if he is really bad at it, it's the same as him having the picture of her in his office on helios, he loves his daughter, a painting of her being here is in line with everything else!! plus it's really pretty and i like it
then across from that is a painting of moxxi, which makes no fucking sense!!! why isn't it nisha!! it SHOULD be nisha!! the woman he is CURRENTLY TOGETHER WITH AND MADLY IN LOVE WITH????
i have DETESTED this detail since i first played the dlc, as much i love moxxi's heist and credit it as my favorite borderlands dlc the whole 'moxxi is jack's true love' thing makes me so confused?? they dated for MAYBE three months between BL1 and TPS and then he got into a five year long committed relationship that is never properly explored in the games and then the devs have the gall to say they wish they had done more with nisha like!!! good news you still could have!! but you didn't
anyways, i apologize for this, it has just been bothering me for months and i had to get it out and see if anyone else had noticed this and was bothered by it?? because it makes me go a little insane every time i think about it
then again maybe the character writing in BL3 is just bad
Looking at some screenshots from accomplice vs golden ending (or bad vs good endings, in general) I noticed that in the first case Yosuke is the last element in the group to speak, while in the second case he is the first one (and he really does not have much to say cause he knows they’ll meet in the future):
In bad endings, Yosuke is the last person to speak. He thanks the main character for the help, yet the vibes are just depressing and sad. The fog wasn’t lifted, the real culprit wasn’t caught (or they believe they caught him but it wasn’t the right person. tbh it gets more disturbing in the accomplice ending case, because the main character found the truth, but he decides to hide it from the others and to reject it (by burning the piece of evidence), and, Yosuke’s words will hit harder “You really helped us out with lots of stuff. Thanks, partner.” <- Yosuke always there, making me feel bad every single time i try to reach Adachi - rightfully tbh), no Dojima nor Nanako nor Teddie there at the station. It’s all gloomy, everyone is sad...because of Nanako’s situation, because of their own actions (if they kill Namatame they kinda do the same he did, manipulated by the killer, and in the name of self proclaimed “Justice” <- Nanako’s arcana, which is just revenge and has severe consequences), and/or a feeling of uselessness because the mystery wasn’t solved. No one runs for the train (the mood is really heavy, and the fog also reduces the visibility).
In the good endings, Yosuke is actually the first one to talk and... he does not even have much to say. He had previously said that he wouldn’t even saying goodbye, cause Yu/Souji would be probably come visit them soon. The mystery was solved, the sky is clean, Dojima Nanako and Teddie are there too, and even if saying goodbye is hard, they all feel like their bonds are strong and that their friendship is stronger than ever. It’s a sad moment but with happy tones, and they will surely meet again (the same won’t probably happen in the bad endings, because even if not revealed to them, the fog will spread and everyone will become shadows).
Yosuke’s expression is kinda similar in both cases, but knowing what has happened in the bad endings gives another meaning to his expression in the bad ones (it also makes me think about the scene where he catches Yu/Souji coming from the TV at Junes, after visiting Adachi, because it begs the question of how much does Yu/Souji trusts the team).
Yu/Souji’s stare is a bit different in both cases, looking more relaxed and calm in the good scenario, although in the bad ending he seems to be staring with some kind of affection (like, appreciation for their friendship and for believing in him, even if, in the accomplice ending he basically fucked everything up).(well, truth be told, they decided to recycle this part for every bad ending, so Yu/Souji will always look like that, being it his belief that Namatame is the killer or his hidden secret about Adachi. And the team looks the same, be it because of the unfortunate circumstances, or because they may feel Yu/Souji might have been hiding something <- which also reminds me how in many game options Yosuke keeps reminding him that he should not be the one carrying all the weight of the investigation and he should trust the team too)The accomplice ending final scene even adds an Adachi roaming aimlessly (or purposely crossing the line when the train Yu/Souji’s in is passing), and it is terrifying, kinda creepy (tbh it felt like he had became a shadow at that point and that he had been able to cross the line without being caught by the train because of that...at least it was what i felt first time watching it).He is waiting for the world as they know to simply end, and even if Yu/Souji decided to burn the piece of evidence, he does not even care about him as a person.On the other hand, completing his social link in a good ending route rewards you with a letter from him (and he calls Izanami bitch in the final final final final battle <3 certified Adachi moment).You can take his words however you want, but it feels like he truly appreciated the times he spent with Dojima, Nanako and Yu/Souji, even if he would still rather see the world burn than try to improve as a person. It does not mean he becomes a better person afterwards, but i guess he understands the concern some people still had for him, which is something he does no feel with Yu/Souji betraying everything he fought for until that moment (also cause going accomplice route is giving up the world, basically).On a final note, I also love how Dojima’s dialogue at the end (before leaving the house) changes depending on which bad ending the player gets, and how his questions are so on point, as if he was acting like some kind of conductor for the player to reflect on their choices.
video taken from shahed's instagram
follow: @shahednhall
verification source (no. 224 on el-shab-hussein/nabulsi's list)
"I like to photograph everything. I like to collect special shots because the memory is not repeated. I like to make it in my memory and the memory of everyone. I did not like to share the destruction. I did not like to share the life that has become black and white despite this reality, but my message is to show the beauty of my family and how much they deserve life. I do not want them to appear in a picture they do not like and do not want anyone wish for it. The lens of my camera will continue to transmit the most beautiful shots. Get up, fight for me, a new danger that presses
I hope you save my life before it's too late.🙏💔"
- shahed (please read & share full post here)
no one should have to showcase their suffering for others to care. sadly, people only seem to mobilize after something truly horrific happens. i am begging you all not to wait for the next tragedy. there is no pause button, no reprieve, no escape from the suffering these families face on a daily basis. they all need your help now.
if you don't know her already, shahed is a 21 year old who used to be a student at al-azhar university before the genocide began. with both her parents having taken ill, she is the sole provider for her family right now, including her five siblings, youngest of whom is just a baby.
shahed is currently trying to put together an evacuation fund for her younger sisters (who have hepatitis and are severely ill.) they were recently removed from the clinic where they were getting treated due to overcrowding/because there were more pressing cases to be attended to, likely because of the massacres that took place days ago and are still happening today.
there is no room left for people's complacency-- it's okay if you're unable to donate right now-- what's not okay is assuming others will pick up your slack. just because your dash is full of 🍉content doesn't mean that's the case for others. you taking a second out of your day to spread shahed's campaign brings her that much closer to her goal. please do whatever you can to help her out.
SHAHED NEEDS TO REACH $40K USD BY THE END OF THE JULY IN ORDER TO GET HER FAMILY TO SAFETY
current stats: $34,137 raised
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tagging for reach (sorry yall- if you wish to be removed from this list, please let me know, no hard feelings🖤)