#i did one for johnny its only right i also do one for vance

[mail-me-a-snail]

who's a good pup?

[spacehologramcollection]

Kombat Krew Marriage ceremony headcanons;

Part two of the proposing to their S/O, so the actual ceremony and all that jazz. So, this was very long, so I’m going to do a part 2 with the rest from the original post, and add some of the Kombat ladies in there. There’s more under the cut, it was just very long! Kano is in here, but its just a shit post. Enjoy! GIFS do not belong to me, I did not make them, they belong to their creators. 

Johnny Cage;

·         Depending on how old he is, will depend on what type of wedding you get. If its post- Cassie and he’s more mature; he’ll want something a little smaller, but just as lavish. If he’s not mature and he’s younger, expect something wild, large and full of paparazzi.

·         He’d want everything to be over the top, expensive and lavish at all times.

·         You can have whatever you want for the big day. Money is of no object.

·         Your dress/suit is the most expensive thing known to man, there is no limit on it.

·         Cassie is going to be your Maid of Honour, she’s been waiting for an opportunity like this. She’ll actually calm her dad down, she knows what you like and what you want, so she’ll steer her dad in that direction.

·         In his wilder days, he’d want something expensive for the venue. He would try and hire out something stupid, like the top of the Empire States building, or the Eiffel Tower.

·         In his mature days, he’d want something like a beach wedding; far away, in a warm place, with very few paparazzi… he can upload the photos to his social media when he wants.

·         He looks fly in his suit, promises in his vows this will be the last time he does this.

·         Jax and Kenshi are his two Best men. All of them looking fly as fuck in their suits. All with matching ties.

·         He would ask Sub- Zero and Scorpion to provide the entertainment, they declined, even after the promise of cake and food. With Sub Zero stating that Johnny is entertainment enough.

·         The fucking ring is obnoxious either way.

·         First Dance song; Thinking out Loud- Ed Sheeran, the full routine, you’ve both taken Dancing Lessons. You’re about to show everyone the fuck up.  https://open.spotify.com/track/34gCuhDGsG4bRPIf9bb02f

 Kabal;

·         He’s a laid-back guy, so once you say yes to the proposal, it’s up to you what you want.

·         There is a ‘We’ in Wedding, so he will have some input, but he wants you to have the best day ever.

·         Whatever his Princess/Prince wants, you will get. He’s actually really excited and wants most things to be kept under wraps. He wants to be surprised on the day.

·         He does want input on the cake, god he wants input on that. He has a sweet tooth, so its only natural he wants to help decide that.

·         He’ll help send the invitations, opts to put a fuck ton of glitter on them, why? Because he kind of wants them to be forever reminded of your day. Glitter gets everywhere and stays for a life time, says it’s a metaphor for your relationship.

·         His Pre and Post burn ideas will change.

·         Pre-Burn, he’d want something mid-sized, but isn’t against somewhere public. He won’t do it at the Black Dragon Fight Club. Kano suggested it, along with suggesting Officiating it. Kabal struck him off the Guest List. He’d want something like a fancy hotel. Of course, you’re both staying over the day before and the night of it.

·         Post-Burn, he wants something small, the guest list is very limited. He feels like a monster every other day of the year; his wedding day doesn’t change his own self-appreciation. For his Post-Burn venue, he’d want maybe a small, secluded alcove, somewhere without a lot of people.

·         Imagine him in a tux with a bowtie. Oh god I died.

·         His worries melt away when he sees you in your dress/suit. He doesn’t feel like a tit in a suit, he feels like the luckiest man in the world. He forgets that there are others in the room. He just focuses on you and how perfect you are.

·         He thinks you’re perfect. (To be fair Riptide by Vance Joy would probably be playing as you walk down the Aisle, because of the lyric “I swear she’s destined for the screen, closest thing to Michelle Phiefer that you’ve ever seen” I headcanon he’s a sucker for some Indie music, so… Don’t @me)

·         He’d prepare his own vows Post-Burn as well. And would tear up a little.

·         His Best man situation would depend on which route he took, if he went straight, it would be Stryker. If not, it would be Erron. Him and Erron always had a friendly rivalry.

·         The rings are actually pretty simple, not overly-gawdy, and it fits perfectly.

· Kabal has two potential first dance songs for his Pre-Burn; 

·         First one is Ophelia - The Lumineers  https://open.spotify.com/track/5NORWMFC27ywGSZxi8uquP       The second Pre-Burn one is; San Luis- Gregory Alan Isakov. https://open.spotify.com/track/7gDNQLV9cr8449LFrQbk5J

·         First Dance song Post-Burn; Big Black Car- Gregory Alan Isakov. https://open.spotify.com/track/3Kj2EWpIBnvETsYq4cq0IH

 Erron Black;

·         He’s really into planning it. It gives you both a chance to get closer. He never thought he’d get married, so he’s totally down for being involved in it.

·         He won’t wear a suit as expected, more like one of his uniform skins from 11. Suits and Tux’s ain’t his thing.

·         He’ll want to have a proper Country Wedding. It’s what feels familiar. Or, he’d maybe consider getting married in Outworld. Kotal officiating of course.

·         But a Barn, some mason jars, and some very strong booze. Is his go to.

·         BBQ style wedding breakfast. That’s the only thing he’s dead set on.

·         Also, he’d want a band playing, live music. There better be some country on there. Or he will raise hell.

·         Hope you can stand the fucking banjo.

·         He’ll let you do whatever you want with your Wedding Party and all of that. Your dress/suit is your choice, but he’s going to pay for it.

·         Depending on where he is in his life, will depend on who’s there/ his Best Man/men.

·         If he’s in Outworld, Kotal is officiating and he’s got no other choice, but to have Ermac as his Best Man. Which is the equivalent of having 10,000 best men. ‘We are so happy for you Erron Black’

·         In his Black Dragon Days, Kabal is his Best Man. They may fight, argue and sometimes hate each other. But they are friends deep, deep, deep down. He’s better than Kano.

·         He actually scrubs up pretty nice. You’re surprised on your big day to see what he looks like without the poncho, bandana and layer of grime. It’s not something you’d always want him to be like.

·         He’s speechless when he sees you. You’re sure if he were wearing his hat, he’d tip it in surprise. But you can tell by the way his eyes light up, he’s loving how amazing you look. He commits it to memory and mouths how lucky he is.

·         The rings are ornate, they’ve got each other’s initials in them.

·         First Dance; Bless The Broken Road- Rascal Flatts https://open.spotify.com/track/0gKo3I4FCEY40X37Gdkcaf

I really struggled with his, because country music is not my jam, but I felt this would fit. Either that or some Johnny Cash.

 Sub Zero (Kuai Liang);

·         He feels terrible, but the Wedding Ceremony has little to no wiggle room, in some places. You’re marrying into his Clan. So, the Ceremony, Venue and Vows are pretty set.

·         Bi-Han (Going off of his 11 ending) has to Officiate, and it is tense for Kuai. “Do you, Y/N, Take Kuai, The Lesser Sub Zero, to be yours? Even, when his hotter, older brother, is stood right here.” He threatens to say that, but he opts to keep it classy for the ceremony, embarrassing for the speech.

·         His Best men are going to be Scorpion and Smoke. It’s obvious.

·         He lets you pick out your dress/suit, he would want a little bit of blue in there somewhere. Just because it’s the Lin Kuei colours. He’s not overly bothered if not. But something borrowed, something blue, just wear his headband somewhere, even if its in a covered-up place. Kill two birds with one stone.

·         He won’t get to wear a suit, he has to wear his Formal Grandmaster uniform. His tits are sort of out, bit less side-boob though. This is a wedding guys, he has to keep it classy.

·         It’s very Formal.

·         Johnny Offers his services as Entertainment, you’re not sure if he’s joking or not. So, you have to reiterate the point, that’s not happening.

·         Kuai has amazing handwriting, so he’ll handwrite all the invitations, he doesn’t trust technology which drives you up the wall. You could have an instant RSVP, but no, you gotta wait for people to basically send a fucking raven. God Dam it.

·         The Ceremony is obviously at the Lin Kuei temple. Prepare for some cold, you may need a fucking cloak rather than veil. It is freezing.

·         He wishes he could give you the wedding of your dreams, but he is a Grandmaster and it comes with certain strings. But, can you really complain when you’re getting to marry him? No.

·         He is shooketh when he sees you. He smiles a lot. He cannot believe he gets to marry you. You’re to become his spouse, his partner, the wife/husband of the Grandmaster.

·         You get a ring, he gets a ring, their both just simple bands, both have the Lin Kuei symbol engraved in the centre. Yours has a sapphire in the centre.

·         He will tie a knot in his uniform or switch his headband up. To either your favourite colour or if you have family crest, to your family crest colours. Just to reiterate the point, he’s taken and he’s yours.

·         He hasn’t prepared public vows, PDA and anything like that makes him uncomfortable. But he will tell you them during the first dance. Whispering them to you.

·         First Dance Song; (I struggled with this one, a lot as well. Hanzo, Kuai and Erron. Sort your music tastes out) I Stand By me- The Florence and the Machine version. https://open.spotify.com/track/5XSU59wtE5CRCAEyHmmGy4

·         I think it would fit your relationship with him perfectly, the right pace for a song, and the lyrics are cute as fuck. This could work for Hanzo and vice versa, his could fit Sub. God dam it, I am bad at this.

Scorpion (Hanzo Hasashi)

·         He has been married before, so he understands the process, the planning and what is expected.

·         He kind of wants this one to be different, but he knows, like Kuai, he has obligations to fulfil. It has to be traditional, but that doesn’t mean he can’t shake things up a little. I mean, he’s a little more adventurous nowadays.

·         You’ll still have to have the traditional ceremony. Which would probably take place in the Fire Gardens? (I’m not sure about this, if you guys know, please tell me)

·         He does let you choose your dress/suit and party. That part is up to yours. But you are marrying into the Shira Ryu, so, you would need to have the ceremony.

·         Takeda, Kenshi, Sub and even Johnny are clawing to be his Best Men. Sub’s not overly bothered, but on the inside, he’s like please let me have this.

·         He can’t decide, and he knows anything he says, will result in more arguments. So, he has all of them. Problem solving.

·         Like Sub Zero, he cannot wear a suit, he has to be in his finest Yellow fucking Ninja outfit. God dam it. Less tits and side boob than Sub though. So, there’s that.

·         If someone screams ‘Get over there’ when you’re walking down the aisle, they will be fucking speared. No. Don’t do it.

·         He’s lost for words watching you walk up the aisle. It’s like your redemption and his future. A second chance at happiness, his future and everything he’s ever wanted, longed and feared for.

·         He’s nervous, but he doesn’t let it show. He’s prepared the things he has to say over and over again. Practised it a lot, so why does he have a lump in his throat?

·         He flashes you a smile as you reach him, takes your hand into his and starts speaking so elegantly. Some of it will be in his native tongue, but its fine, because he’ll have prepared you for it.

·         He hand forged the rings, melted the metal himself, helped cast them and even engraved them himself. He’s proud of them, let him have his moment.

·         There both simple bands, nothing too fancy, little tiny scorpion simple on the inside though.

·         Throughout the whole day, he cannot take his eyes off of you. You’re this shining fucking light and he adores you.

·         First Dance song; (He doesn’t really have a particular music taste, so he’ll let you pick, I’m just suggesting this) Only Love- Ben Howard. https://open.spotify.com/track/2uhEKg8kIzpdvz4gyy6x8W

·         I’m suggesting this because of the lyrics mainly. It’s also got a nice and slow pace, something you can both sway to, because he cannot fucking dance. But, Kuai’s could work for him and vice versa. His could work with Kuai.

Kano;

·         Trashiest wedding ever. I’ve already said all of this but…

·         It’s so shit. Like you’re getting married at the Black Dragon Fight Club.

·         He is not wearing a suit, hell, he’s not even wearing a shirt.

·         The smoke machine broke, so he’s just got Kabal vaping.

·         Erron is telling jokes to ease the mood, it’s not easing the mood.

·         He turns up late and drunk.

·         Just say fucking no and run off with Erron or Kabal. Just fucking do it. Leave him standing at the Altar.

[rosesandruin]

1-100 for the ask thing

1. What’s your philosophy in life?-If it doesn’t make you happy, it’s not worth it.2. What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself?-Only one?3. Are you religious or spiritual?-No4. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?-Introvert5. Which parent are you closer to and why?-My mom, ig. I spend the most time with her.6. What was the best phase in your life?-My bookworm/writer phase7. What was the worst phase in your life?-My “I want to kill myself” phase8. Is what you’re doing now what you always wanted to do growing up?-No9. What makes you feel accomplished?-When I finish a day of work, get a paycheck, or finish all of my homework10. What’s your favorite book/movie of all time and why did it speak to you so much?-My favorite book is “To Kill a Mockingbird.” I don’t really know why11. What is a relationship deal breaker for you?-Ig not being compassionate?12. Are you more into looks or brains?-Idk13. Would you ever take back someone who cheated?-No14. How do you feel about sharing your password with your partner?-I’m okay with that15. When do you think a person is ready for marriage?-??? What kind of question is this?16. What kind of parent do you think you will be?-Better than mine were, I hope17. What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner?-Eh, that wouldn’t happen. I have good taste.18. Who is that one person you can talk to about just anything?-Um…19. Do you usually stay friends with your exes?-Idk, I don’t have any20. Have you ever lost someone close to you?-Yes21. If you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone to cheer you up?-Left alone if I’m angry/irritated. Cheered up if I’m sad/depressed/anxious.22. What’s an ideal weekend for you?-Camping23. What do you think of best friends of the opposite sex?-They’re okay?24. Do you judge a book by its cover?-Yeah25. Are you confrontational?-No26. When was the last time you broke someone’s heart?-Never, I hope27. Would you relocate for love?-Yeah, sure28. Did you ever write a journal?-Yeah29. What are you most thankful for?-Umm… my cat30. Do you believe in second chances?-Yeah, depending31. What’s the one thing that people always misunderstand about you?-Probably my mental illnesses32. What is your idea of a perfect vacation?-Going somewhere new33. What did your past relationship teach you?-N/A34. What are your thoughts on online dating or tinder?-Good for them?35. What’s on your bucket list this year?-Get a tattoo36. When have you felt your biggest adrenaline rush?-Um, probably one of the times I was at Cedar Point37. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done and would you do it again?-I was in a smol (safe-ish) backyard demolition derby with my uncles and 10/10 would do again38. If a genie granted you 3 wishes right now, what would you wish for?-I just want a job39. What’s your biggest regret in life?-Not doing more solos in choir in high school, dropping out of band40. What do you think about when you’re by yourself?-Anything and everything41. Does your job make you happy?-What job42. What did you want to be when you were younger?-A vet, a detective, a teacher43. Why did your last relationship end?-N/A45. What’s been your biggest mistake so far in life and what did you learn from it?-I don’t know46. Where is your favorite place in the entire world to go?-Ottawa, I guess. Ottawa’s cool. Or Disney World. It’s magical.47. What are your top five favorite movies?-Lilo and Stitch, Dead Poet’s Society, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink48. What are some of your favorite songs?-Riptide – Vance Joy; She Had the World – Panic!; Won’t Back Down – Tom Petty; Hurt – Johnny Cash49. What qualities do you admire about your parents?-My mom never gave up, and she works every day to improve herself.50. How would you describe your best friend?-My what51. What’s your favorite hobby to do alone?-Sing, ig52. What’s something you can’t go a day without doing?-Um. Sleep53. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve done lately?-I spontaneously went to visit my dad, but that was for a funeral. So.54. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love?-I don’t think I’ve ever done anything like that.55. What’s your biggest pet peeve?-When people won’t leave me alone when I want to be.56. Why do you think you’re still single?-I’m… not…57. What accomplishment are you most proud of?-Struggling through geometry class all year but getting 100% on the exam (only one of two to do so.) And also getting in to all of the colleges I applied to.58. What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?-Moving out.59. What is your greatest fear?-Never being able to transition the way I want.60. What are three things you value most about a person?-Compassion, humor, determination61. Who are five people you are closest with?@stay-strange-kids , @dgrayfee , @floridkore , @hedphoneson , and my stepsister62. What is the greatest struggle you’ve overcome?-High school.63. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?-Spain?64. What’s the most exciting thing that’s happened this past year?-Got a girlfriend65. What’s your favorite beer?-Ew, I don’t drink beer bc I have taste buds66. What’s one thing that bothers you most about the world today?-Hate67. Who are you closer with your mom or your dad?-Didn’t we go through this? My mom68. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?-We went through this, too?69. If you could change one thing about the world what would it be?-Less greed, more compassion70. Who was your favorite teacher and why?-It was my 6th grade English teacher for a while, bc she always encouraged my reading and writing. But in high school, it was one of the special ed teachers. She was amazing and did so much for me.71. What sport did you fall in love with?-None72. What is the weirdest thing about you?-My personality.73. What was your longest relationship?-n/a74. What would your best friend say is your best quality?-My what?75. Who is your favorite historical figure?-Obama76. What made you choose the college you went to?-The location and atmosphere77. If you could tell your former self one thing right now what would it be?-It gets better. Do your homework.78. What food could you not live without?-Tacos79. Dogs or Cats?-Don’t pit my babies against each other like this.80. What’s closest you’ve ever come to being arrested?-Um. Never?81. What was your best birthday?-…I can’t think of one.82. What’s one thing you wish you knew how to do?-Play guitar and piano83. Where’s one place you’d like to go that you haven’t been?-Spain84. What was the last book you read? And When?-I can’t remember85. Where do you usually get your news?-Idk86. What are some of your own personal goals in the next 5 years?-Start hrt, get top surgery, buy a car, move out, graduate87. What would you consider your greatest accomplishment so far?-wE WEnT oVeR tHIS88. If you could get away with anything that you do?-Rob a bank89. Who is your greatest hero?-I don’t have one90. What’s the greatest risk you’ve ever taken?-Speeding while driving even tho I don’t have my license91. Why are we here?-WHY ARE WHO WHERE, WHAT, DON’T DO THIS92. If heaven is real and you died tomorrow, would you get in?-I hope not.93. Do you believe in fate?-Yeah94. How do you think people see you?-With their eyes, I assume?95. If you had the ability to erase something that you did in the past, whatwould it be?-There was this one time I hit my sister… It was bad…96. What song makes you unconditionally happy?-Um… idk97. If you could have anybody else’s life, who’s would you take?-No one’s. My life is my own.98. What fictional character do you most relate to?-None99. If I asked you at age 5 what you wanted to be when you grew up, what would you say?-A veterinarian100. What is your biggest irrational fear?-Being stuck here my whole life. But I don’t think that’s completely irrational?

[papermoonloveslucy]

LOVE AMONG THE TWO-BY-FOURS

S1;E3 ~ October 4, 1986

[Photo © Getty Images]

Directed by Mark Daniels ~ Written by Linda Morris and Vic Rauseo

Synopsis

Lucy's old flame Ben comes to town looking to enlist M&B Hardware as a supplier. Lucy and Ben rekindle their old romance, which causes Lucy to have to make a difficult decision about her future.

Regular Cast

Lucille Ball (Lucy Barker), Gale Gordon (Curtis McGibbon), Ann Dusenberry (Margo Barker McGibbon),  Larry Anderson (Ted McGibbon), Jenny Lewis (Becky McGibbon), Philip Amelio (Kevin McGibbon), Donovan Scott (Leonard Stoner)

[For biographies of the Regular Cast, see “One Good Grandparent Deserves Another” (S1;E1)]

Guest Cast

Peter Graves (Ben Marshall) is perhaps best remembered for playing Jim Phelps in the Desilu-produced spy drama “Mission: Impossible” from 1967 to 1973. His screen acting career began in 1951, the same year “I Love Lucy” premiered. Graves won an Emmy Award as the host and narrator of “Biography” (1987-2002). In 1980, he turned to comedy with the film Airplane! and its sequel. Graves died of a heart attack on March 14, 2010, just four days before his 84th birthday.

Although the final credits list the character's surname as Marshall, he is referred to throughout the episode as Ben Matthews. Ben is president of the Beechwood Construction Company. He is a widower who has three grandchildren and lives in Beverly Hills. 

Curtis Taylor (Joe) started acting on television in 1980. He played Arnie on five episodes of “Knotts Landing” in 1988. More recently, he appeared on a 2017 episode of “NCIS: Los Angeles.”  

Ed Bernard (Tony) was born on Independence Day in Philadelphia in 1939. He played Detective Styles on “Police Woman” (1974-78) and Principal Willis on “The White Shadow” (1978-80).  

Joe and Tony are construction workers for Beechwood Construction Company. Although given names in the final credits, only Tony's is used in the dialogue. The two characters are there to establish the tarp over the hole in the floor that Lucy and Peter Graves will sink into at the end of the show.

This was the sixth episode filmed but was the third aired. After John Ritter's appearance the previous week, Ball hoped to continue to woo viewers with the star-power of Peter Graves.  

The title of the episode is a variation of Robert Browning's 1855 poem, “Love Among the Ruins.” Browning's poem inspired or gave its title to many subsequent works, including a painting by Edward Burne-Jones (above), a 1975 TV movie with Katharine Hepburn and Laurence Olivier, an episode of the TV series “Mad Men,” and an album and song by the band 10,000 Maniacs. The title of the poem is also made the title of a 1953 novella by British satirist Evelyn Waugh.

Lucillle Ball was featured on the cover of TV Guide the day this episode first aired. She shared the cover with Andy Griffith, who returned to series television with “Matlock.” Griffith's show fared much better than “Life With Lucy,” running nine seasons on NBC. Griffith had played Andy Johnson on an episode of “Here's Lucy” in 1973. “The Andy Griffith Show” was shot on the Desilu backlot.

This episode lost its time slot earning a 10.2 share behind “The Facts of Life” on NBC with a 15.2.

Although they are supposed to be playing characters of the same age, Lucille Ball was actually 15 years older than guest star Peter Graves.

This is the first of six “Life With Lucy” episodes directed by Marc Daniels, who directed the very first episode of “I Love Lucy” and 38 subsequent episodes. He is credited with suggesting to Desi Arnaz that Vivian Vance might be right for the role of Ethel Mertz. In a 1977 interview, Daniels noted that he left “I Love Lucy” to take another job that paid more. "Maybe it was a stupid thing to do but then we didn't know we were creating history. We were just doing a show." Daniels died at age 77, just three days before Lucille Ball, who also died at age 77 from a heart-related illness.  

This is the only time on the series that Lucille Ball wears a dress, rather than slacks, a housecoat or bathrobe.

At the start of the episode, Leonard is fooling around with a shower head display in the hardware store, pretending he is Scotty (James Doughan) on “Star Trek”: “Captain Kirk! Captain Kirk, it's Scotty here. Captain, the hardware ship Enterprise – it's losing power!”  “Star Trek” (1966-69) was a Desilu-produced show that owes its existence to Lucille Ball.  

Curtis: “I may become the bathroom king of Pasadena!”

We learn that Lucy Barker's maiden name is Everett. This is the first of her TV character that did not have the maiden name McGillicuddy. However, on “The Lucy Show” Lucy Carmichael first said she was originally Lucy Taylor. Later in the series she inexplicably claimed it was McGillicuddy.

Lucy calls Ben Matthews 'Goofy,' his high school nickname because he had an overbite and his ears drooped. This is a reference to the Disney animated dog Goofy, who shared these physical characteristics. Perhaps Ben had plastic surgery, because the description doesn’t match the handsome Peter Graves. 

Lucy: “I feel like a kid again!”

Lucy and Ben first met during a dance called the Big Apple. The dance dates back to the African American ritual dances of the mid-1800s. The name comes from its revival in the 1930s at The Big Apple Club in Columbia, South Carolina. In 1937 it became a national dance craze. It was mentioned in the films You Can't Take it With You (1938), Vivacious Lady (1938), and The Big Broadcast of 1938. The dance was first mentioned on “The Lucy Show” in “Lucy Becomes a  Reporter” (TLS S1;E17) in 1963 which dealt with Lucy Carmichael and Viv Bagley's high school days.  

Later in the episode, Lucy and Ben demonstrate the Big Apple. After their 'performance' (to one of Lucy's old records), Kevin mentions the dance craze of the 1980s, break dancing, while Margo and Ted demonstrate 'The Monkey' and 'The Swim', two dances that were popular with teens in the 1960s.  

Lucy and Ben dated for a year, until his family moved East.  

Lucy: (gazing at herself in a mirror) “I still have it!”

Lucy says Ben was her first kiss, which prompts Margo to remember that her first kiss with Randy Fargo, whose lips were all spongy; like two Twinkies.

When Becky is practicing kissing with a hand mirror, she says she looks “a little like Madonna, but a lot like a fish.”

Margo: (To Lucy) “Do you remember when I was 13, and all my girlfriends were going stead. Finally Randy Fargo asked me to go steady.  Do you remember what you told me?”

Lucy: “Yeah, I told you there was no future in the name Margo Fargo.”

Ben brings Lucy to a construction site for their date, packing a picnic with their favorite bubbly, chateau de Dr. Pepper. Ben brings along a mini-tape player to play their favorite song, “Too Marvelous for Words.” The song was written in 1937 by Johnny Mercer, with lyrics (that we don't hear) by Richard Whiting. Lucy and Ben dance among the two-by-fours, fulfilling the title!  

Lucy: (eating a chocolate chip cookie) “If this gets around my name'll be mud at the Happy Fig Health Food Store.”

In two episodes of “The Lucy Show” Lucy Carmichael dated Frank Winslow (Clint Walker) who owned a construction company and also took Lucy on a date to a construction site.  

In “Milton Berle Hides out at the Ricardos” (LDCH 1959), a construction site also figures into the comic finale.

Margo stays up and waits for Lucy to come home from her date just the same way Lucy Carmichael stayed up and waited for her daughter in the very first “The Lucy Show” “Lucy Waits Up for Chris” (TLS S1;E1).

This Day in Lucy History ~ October 4th

"The Business Manager" (ILL S4;E1) – October 4, 1954

"Lucy and Mannix Are Held Hostage" (HL S4;E4) – October 4, 1971

[d2kvirus]

Dickheads of the Month: May 2019

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of May 2019 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

Remember how Gavin Williamson described Jeremy Corbyn as “a threat to national security” last year?  Well that comment came back to bite him after Williamson thought it was a bright idea to leak details of a National Security Council meeting discussing a deal with Huawei to the press, which saw him sacked as Defence Secretary and facing calls for a police investigation - and no doubt also irritated former members of Cameron’s inner circle Lord Browne, Andrew Cahn and John Suffolk who just so happen to have prominent positions within Huawei’s corporate structure and would have personally made millions from the deal

The irony is that Williamson’s cockup meant that Chris Grayling was out of the firing line when it emerged on the same day of Williamson's sacking that he’d cost the British taxpayer another £56m over the botched post-Britait ferry contracts due to negotiating contracts that were supposed to kick in on a certain date, so instead of news of yet another Grayling cockup deflecting attention away from a far more serious one as usually happens, for once it was the exact opposite with Grayling’s cockup being dwarfed by Williamson’s

How nice of Alabama’s lawmakers to decide that they should have the final say on a woman’s right to abort an unborn child even if that child is a child of incest or rape, bringing Alabama’s abortion laws in line with countries such as Brunei and Syria - and was soon followed by Missouri, Mississippi, Arkansas, Georgia, Utah, Kentucky and Ohio lawmakers all having the same idea at the same time, which definitely does not make it look like a coordinated plan

Judging by how the BBC covered the local elections it’s fair to say that they should not have ditched Open University programming fifteen years ago considering they kept trying to push a narrative that the Tories and Labour did just as badly as one another in the local elections, even though while Labour losing 84 council seats isn’t a good look it simply does not compare with the Tories losing 1330 of them - and if that wasn’t reality reversing enough, they attempted to say the result reflected how the British public wished they would get on with Britait even though the results also showed UKIP losing 145 of the 176 council seats they previously held, which means their factually challenged coverage of the Spanish election result the previous month was not an isolated incident

After bullying the poor and vulnerable for our entertainment for well over a decade the axe fell on The Jeremy Kyle Show when it emerged that one of the guests had committed suicide a week after appearing on an episode of the programme - which in turn led to tales of the show’s team camping out near drug clinics and halfway houses looking for a steady supply of people to be exploited for the entertainment of the sort of people who think an audience bellowing abuse at somebody at 9:30 in the morning is entertaining - however this led to one hell of a strawman when people, not least a certain failed gameshow contestant who screams into the void on Twitter to try and keep her poison relevant, demanding to know why Love Island hasn’t been cancelled in spite of two of its contestants committing suicide compared to “only” one of Jeremy Kyle’s guests, because apparently whataboutism has reached the level where we play Top Trumps comparing the death toll of two shows instead of consider one suicide is too many

On the subject of the local elections there’s the ten Tory candidates in the Highworth election who were all elected with over 3000 votes - which was slightly problematic considering only 2477 ballots were issued in Highworth, meaning that every single Tory candidate received between 700 and 900 more votes than were actually cast, leading to the electorate taking the result to the High Court

Another month another reason to ask what purpose The Independent Hashtag Change Group Ltd actually serve as they decided what they needed now was another name change, this time to For Change Now...a name which is anything but fitting for a group who have stated they will support Theresa May if she faced a No Confidence vote, were opposed to a general election and certainly not be holding by-elections in the constituencies they are holding hostage.  On top of that, this name change has cost them their verified status on Twitter, completely cocked up all their previous links to their social media...and also seen somebody snatch the Twitter handle of their original name and use it to spread Hard Leave propaganda that their website is now linking to

The humiliations continued to pile up when Chuka Umunna responded to the leading Independent Hashtag Change Hashtag Now Group PLC candidate for Scotland jumping ship and joining the Lib Dems by moaning about the disappointment felt by fellow candidates and activists by somebody jumping ship - as if that’s not exactly what he did with a few of his friends as they embarked on their slow motion trainwreck 

If a party wishes to portray themselves as standing up to the Tories and UKIP, as the Lib Dems have been doing so since the local elections, the one thing they should not do is band together with the Tories and UKIP to force out a Labour council and install the Tories in their place - which is exactly what the Lib Dems did in Bolton a week after the local elections

Once again the BBC showed just how committed they are to providing a balanced view by pulling an episode of Have I Got News For You where Independent Hashtag Change Now Ltd leader Heidi Allen leader was panelist at the last minute and claimed it was because the episode was too close to the European elections and didn’t want to appear biased - yet this episode was to air less than 24 hours after Question Time gave Nigel Farage the red carpet treatment where he was given plenty of time to monologue without interruption or interjection - and after the HIGNFY fiasco the BBC then announced that Farage would also be a guest on the Sunday Politics show with Jason Keen patronisingly talking down to anyone who would dare criticise the BBC for failing to educate, inform or entertain

Remember how Nigel Farage said that, if the Britait he scammed the British public into thinking was a good idea wasn’t delivered, he’d don khaki, pick up a rifle and lead a civil war?  Funny he didn’t look anywhere near as brave when refusing to get off his bus in Wakefield because somebody in Newcastle threw a milkshake at him earlier that same day, while his loudmouthed supporters howled in protest about “political violence” as if Farage having a milkshake chucked at him was on the same level as Jo Cox being murdered by a member of Britain First on the streets of her own constituency

So now we know that Theresa May will shed a tear for losing her feeble grip on power - but for those who died in the Grenfell Tower fire, those on the Empire Windrush whose landing cards she had destroyed, every single victim of her Hostile Environment policies, every last person sleeping on the streets or having to use a foodbank, not a single tear was shed for any of you

It’s a shame that Ben Shapiro didn’t also write a book titled How To Debate Right Wing Blowhards as that may have prevented himself from looking like a puffed-up buffoon when being interviewed by Andrew Neil, followed by looking like a thin-skinned buffoon when flouncing out of the interview, and finally exposing himself as an ill-informed buffoon when howling in outrage that Andrew Neil being the sort of left-wing bigot who edits The Spectator and has a history of giving right-wing guests and easy ride while barely letting anyone vaguely left-wing time to complete a single sentence without constant interjections

Yet this somehow led to Nigel Farage claiming that the BBC ignore him.  While being interviewed by Andrew Marr on the BBC.  Two days after he appeared on the BBC’s Question Time for a 34th time...

And yet the BBC were quick to try and prove Farage correct, because they certainly did ignore him - or, to be more accurate, they completely ignored the story broken by Channel 4 News about Arron Banks privately funding Farage to the tune of hundreds of thousands of pounds, which Farage neglected to declare, even after Banks confirmed it was true

Equally desperate was David Vance responding to the Argentine-managed Tottenham Hotspur reaching the Champions League final thanks to a hat trick from the Brazilian Lucas Moura, where they will meet the German-managed Liverpool who reached the final thanks to two goals apiece from the Belgian Divock Origi and the Dutch Georginio Wijnaldum with some remarkable piffle about the plucky Brits giving Johnny Foreigner a bloody nose - to an utter cascade of mockery by people who pay attention

On a similar bent Jamie Carragher mouthed off about how unfair it is the Champions League final takes place three weeks after the Premier League season wrapped up, somehow failing to comprehend that the Champions League is a competition for all European leagues and that La Liga, the Bundesliga, Serie A, the Eredivisie and Ligue 1 seasons all finished one or even two weeks after the Premier League - although he soon topped that remarkable stupidity by tweeting a “clever” joke phone number for fellow Sky Sports pundit Gary Neville...which led to the person who actually has that phone number being inundated with calls and texts for several hours afterwards

Serial liar Isabel Oakeshott attempted to pull the wool over the eyes of her Twitter followers by claiming that the Electoral Commission had met with The Nigel Farage Ego Project and found that their funding and finances were completely above board - which had the slight issue that, no, they absolutely did not say anything close to that

On the subject of serial liars, mouthpiece of Guido blog Hugh Bennett concocted a story claiming that the Electoral Commission had investigated Led By Donkeys for violating electoral spending in spite of the fact that, as Led By Donkeys are not a political party and certainly are not partaking in any elections, they would not be subject to this code of conduct and only and easily-led moron would be taken in by this...so the usual Guido blog fanatics, in other words

But Moggmentum needed to take the lie further, so accused Led By Donkeys of being funded by George Soros, because why merely lie when you can spin the usual antisemitic conspiracy tropes into your obvious bullshit?

In a desperate bid for relevance Milo Yiannopoulos attempted to position himself as the man who would lead a civil war...to a remarkably apathetic response from his 70,000+ Gab followers

Not only is Joan Ryan responsible for possibly the most cringe-inducing press conference by a sitting MP with her “look at your hands” speech, but she attempted to play it off as everyone critical of her being humourless...while also promoting a downright libelous petition on Change UK (that’s the online petition website Change UK, not the previous name of The Independent Hashtag Change Now Group Ltd) that made her look completely demented

Company secretary of The Independence For Hashtag Change Hashtag Now Group Ltd Gavin Shuker showed remarkably political nous when whining about how bad it was that Labour were fielding a candidate in the Peterbrough by-election even though his lot, the Lib Dems and the Greens all agreed to stand aside and allow a People’s Vote candidate to stand...or, to put it another way, Gavin Shuker complained that it was unfair that Labour weren’t throwing away a seat they held prior to the by-election in order to make it a penalty shootout between the People’s Vote and Tory candidate, even though Labour never agreed to stand aside in the first place  

If watching Andrea Jenkyns having to have WTO trade terms explained to her like she it was her first day of school (to which she responded by just talking over people louder and louder, because that covers up her ignorance!) wasn’t proof of her being an ill-informed moron who doesn’t know when to shut up, her teeth-gnashing while saying she wouldn’t support Victoria Atkins’ leadership bid because Atkins said mean things about her in an e-mail certainly did...because Atkins had not announced any plans to challenge for the leadership when Jenkyns started gnashing her teeth

This month it was Godfrey Bloom who was getting excessively triggered by Greta Thunberg, proving himself to be a big man by tweeting how he wanted to give “a good shaking” to the “ghastly child” - thus making it a double whammy of being ignorant of climate change while fantasising about assaulting children

When ProJared posted a statement on Twitter saying his marriage was coming to an end, a statement supported by Game Grumps’ Holly Conrad, he received sympathy from his fans and those he worked with - right up until his wife interjected that Jared had blocked her on Twitter before making that statement and informed the public that not only had Jared been cheating on her with Holly Conrad (while Conrad was married to Game Grumps’ Ross O’Donovan) but had also been sleeping around with his fans at various conventions, but when he was not at conventions he was using a second phone to sext with them and send dick pics

Due to the Epic Games Store still not having a shopping cart implemented, meaning people have to buy games and DLC individually instead of in bulk like they can on Steam etc, this led to Epic Games Store users finding that they had triggered the store’s anti-fraud protection and were getting blocked because they were buying too many games too quickly - which would not be an issue if the Epic Games Store had bothered implementing a sodding shopping cart

In an attempt to rally the Tory faithful Boris Johnson took to Twitter to proudly state that he had voted in the local elections...only for the tweet to vanish into the ether within minutes, which is no doubt related to somebody explaining to Johnson that there were no local elections in London and, as a London resident, it was literally impossible for him to vote in one that day

Britain’s most triggered man Piers Moron Morgan acted like a normal adult man at the news that Marks & Spencer confectionery was now vegan by putting one in his mouth on Good Morning Britain before spitting it out and going on the usual impotent rant that will no doubt shift significantly more of the product due to the knowledge that it will piss him off 

While you could forgive walking liability Randy Pitchford for his promise that there would be no microtransactions in Borderlands 3 in literally the same sentence as talking about the purchasable character skins as a flub when he meant to say no lootboxes or premium currency, the meltdown he had after Game Informer rightly pointed out that custom skins are microtransactions certainly can’t be excused - and that’s not to mention the other meltdown he had after badmouthing former Gearbox programmer/voice of Claptrap in the first tow Borderlands games David Eddings who the company let go as he wouldn;t be providing the voice of Claptrap for free for Borderlands 3, which rapidly escalated into allegations of assault by Pitchford

Surely it occurred to Danny Baker that tweeting a photo of two posh people with a chimpanzee and saying it's a photo of the royal baby would come back to bite him considering the 150+ years of evidence that racists like to draw direct comparisons with apes, but then again given his defence was that he had no idea that Meghan Markle had given birth didn’t hold any weight whatsoever as that would have been plainly visible in Twitter’s trending tab while he was thinking of a witty caption

Having lost the Championship playoff final, I’m sure Derby County were glad to see Leeds United posting tweets slagging them off - which definitely didn’t serve as yet another reminder why pretty much every set of fans in the country were glad to see Leeds fail to gain promotion

And of course, a month would not go by without Donald Trump and his ego so fragile that one minute he’s happy to pardon a convicted fraudster because they wrote a book which gushed about him endlessly and the next leaving the US Navy with a request to try and hide an 8900-ton destroyer because he might get triggered by it being named after John McCain - although I’m sure this isn’t in any way related to his pathological fear of Congress that’s seen him try to force $8bn of arms sales to Saudi Arabia through a tiny loophole so he can avoid Congress having to approve it...

[oijio]

My Favorite New Shows of 2016

2016 was packed with great, new television on several different platforms, from online, to streaming, cable and network. Netflix seemed like it was releasing new shows every week, add that to all the great content on cable and network, there was just so much television out there, from all over the world that there just isn't enough time to consume everything, and 2017 doesn't seem to be slowing it down (here’s a link to the 2015 list). Before continuing on to the New Year, let's look back on the shows which made their debuts in 2016 that I just loved watching. This isn't even a comprehensive list. When there's hours of British TV I just didn't get to watch, and Netflix now releasing supposedly great TV shows from places like Israel, Brazil, and Spain among their original content, you just don't have enough hours in the day to watch it all. Oh well, one day!

Before we get to my top 10 favorite new shows of 2016, let's take a peek at the continuing growth of Peak TV this past year and which shows I think deserve an honorable mention:

The reboot of Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life isn't a new show per se, but still worth a look

Same goes with the retooled Black Mirror

Comedies like Better Things, American Housewife, and Fleabag

Netflix' other good new shows like Love, Trollhunters, and Easy

Cheesy summer horror-thrillers like American Gothic, Braindead (also a comedy), Dead of Summer, and Channel Zero

Riveting cable TV like Preacher, The Night Of, Outcast, and Animal Kingdom

And a range of miniseries from War & Peace to The Time Traveling Bong

Onto the Top 10 New Shows of 2016, which this year includes miniserieses because they're anthologies or may have future episodes anyway!

10. Westworld (HBO)

Classic or popular movies being rebooted into TV shows seem to be all the rage these past few years, and HBO got in on it with this updated version of the 1973 Western classic. Westworld is as exquisitely, expertly crafted as the robots within the show, with two interweaving storylines set decades apart, and so many mysteries surrounding all the characters. While sometimes it can be more mystery than story, Westworld has built a great base for something more engaging in the future.

9. Speechless (ABC)

There are way too many similar family comedies on TV nowadays that when something different comes along, like ABC's Speechless, it's sure to grab attention. This one has a not-so-well-to-do family, with a son who has cerebral palsy. The latter, while it might be the focal point in the pilot and is used for an emotional moment or two in some episodes, it is never exploitative or cheesy. For the most part, they just hired an actor who happened to have cerebral palsy to play the older teen boy role. Minnie Driver is also great.

8. Atlanta (FX)

Donald Glover has always seemed like someone that was just waiting for the right time to break through on his own. Kind of like Chris Pratt or Aziz Ansari from Parks & Rec. Enter Atlanta, a dramatic comedy about a couple of cousins working the rap scene in Atlanta. Smart, subversive, and sleek, Atlanta was the “cool” show of the year that featured a black Justin Bieber! Not someone who was like Justin Bieber, in Atlanta's world, Justin Bieber was black. It was better than it sounds, I promise.

7. Queen Sugar (OWN)

I wasn't sure about catching a soap-ish drama on Oprah's network, but Queen Sugar is a show created, produced, and directed by Ava DuVernay, the extremely talented director of films like Selma, Middle of Nowhere, and the documentary 13th. I had to see her first real foray into TV, and it did not disappoint. Queen Sugar, about three siblings who inherit their father's sugar cane fields, has soap opera elements to it (like Charley's main NBA wife storyline) but it's done in a really classy way and written intelligently. Charley's story is the best, too, thanks to Dawn-Lyen Gardner's terrific performance.

6. The Crown (Netflix)

Netflix had a really good year, with two shows on my top 10 new shows, and then the reboots of Black Mirror and Gilmore Girls among many others that premiered. Their most high-profile new show though has got to be The Crown, famously noted as the streaming site's most expensive show yet. Detailing the life of Queen Elizabeth II beginning with right before she took hold of the crown, and the show hopes to take it all the way through her over 60-year reign. Beautifully made, with great performances all around from the likes of Claire Foy, Matt Smith, and John Lithgow, The Crown is royalty TV.

5. This is Us (NBC)

Recently, Dan Fogelman has been creating silly, absurd comedies like The Neighbors and Galavant, so to see him tackle something as dramatic as This is Us, a touching family drama that will make you cry almost every episode. Starring Milo Ventimiglia and Mandy Moore, we find four people all celebrating their 30th birthday on the same day, each with their own issues to deal with, like one finding his real father, one dealing with weight problems, and another about to welcome his first kids into the world. Simple, but effective, This is Us is the twist-filled drama that won't make your head hurt, but will make your eyes weep.

4. The Good Place (NBC)

Sitcoms this past year have stuck to formula with a twist, because it works perfectly fine, but The Good Place is unlike any other sitcom this past year. Taking a more serialized approach, and not holding back on the absurd, The Good Place is the newest sitcom from Mike Schur, co-creator of Brooklyn Nine Nine, The Office (US), and Parks and Recreation. In it, Eleanor (a perfectly cast Kristen Bell) dies and is sent to “The Good Place”, a kind of Heaven-like place where all the good people go. Unfortunately, Eleanor is not a good person – she's a terrible one and because of a mix-up, she was sent to the Good Place instead of “the Bad Place”. She tries her best to be nice, but her being in the wrong place causes craziness in The Good Place. Enjoy this high concept sitcom that's incredibly funny, entertaining, and different.

3. The Night Manager (BBC/AMC)

Gorgeous scenery, heart-racing tension, and incredible performances all around from Tom Hiddleston, Elizabeth Debicki, Olivia Colman, Tom Hollander, and Hugh Laurie, this exciting, beautifully made miniseries is based off John le Carre's novel and is like James Bond for TV. Danish film director Susanne Bier, who's done things like In a Better World and After the Wedding, and screenwriter David Farr adapt le Carre's novel to the present day with tautness and thrill. Hiddleston plays Jonathan Pine, a former soldier and now hotel night manager that gets entangled in a nefarious plot involving arms dealing that takes him on a globe-trotting adventure from Egypt to Switzerland to Spain.

2. Stranger Things (Netflix)

Who knew this little show released by Netflix randomly during the middle of the year would become one of its biggest hits and one of the most talked about shows of 2016? Stranger Things, an 80s throwback fantasy series in the vein of E.T., The Goonies, and other 80s classics swept the pop culture nation by storm. Stranger Things had some exciting storytelling, a haunting atmosphere, a terrific soundtrack, and a winning cast. Featuring a band of young kids, their powerful new friend, unreliable adults, and a monster, this was the perfect throwback to the 80s while also being a great show for today.

1. The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story (FX)

Ryan Murphy loves his anthologies, and his new one, American Crime Story, hopes to focus on different “true crimes” every season. The first one just happened to be golden, focusing on the trial of OJ Simpson for the murder of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. Focusing on heavy themes such as the problems of the US justice system, fame, and race, while at the same time telling in fresh, compelling detail a story that most people already know makes The People v. O.J. such important viewing. Add a brilliant cast that included the likes of Sarah Paulson as Marcia Clark, Sterling K. Brown as Christopher Darden, and Courtney B. Vance as Johnnie Cochran, and The People v. O.J. was the best new thing on TV in 2016.

To recap:

10. Westworld (HBO) 9. Speechless (ABC) 8. Atlanta (FX) 7. Queen Sugar (OWN) 6. The Crown (Netflix) 5. This is Us (NBC) 4. The Good Place (NBC) 3. The Night Manager (BBC/AMC) 2. Stranger Things (Netflix) 1. The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story (FX)

These shows are solid TV, and three of them made their way into my overall Top 10 favorite shows, two of which are 3 and 4! Another, a reboot, made its way into the Top 10 as well. So great. Even if Game of Thrones returned to form this past year, The Americans just happened to raise their game even higher. Here's to the great TV this 2016!

10. Broad City (last year: 9) 9. You're the Worst (last year: 7) 8. Black Mirror (NEW) 7. Bates Motel (last year: 2) 6. The Night Manager (NEW) 5. Veep (last year: 5) 4. Stranger Things (NEW) 3. The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story (NEW) 2. Game of Thrones (last year: 4) 1. The Americans (last year: 1)

2017's already off to a cracking start with Netflix shows One Day at a Time and A Series of Unfortunate Events, then you have FX's Taboo starring Tom Hardy. And that's just the first couple weeks of January! TV is only getting bigger and sometimes, better! 2017, here we go. Find the show you like or love, and watch! Let me know if there's anything you like as well!

[justincharlacher]

My Favorite Stuff of 2016

I was asked today if I had any favorite records of 2016, and after some consideration, the answer is no. I just didn’t listen to much music this year, and I’m actually relying on the year end lists of others to rectify that. I did watch a bunch of stuff and listen to a bunch of podcasts this year, so here is a list of stuff that moved me in those media, as well as two live music events that rocked me to bits in 2016.

Live music

The Local H reunion with original drummer Joe Daniels for a tour celebrating the 20th anniversary of their second record, As Good As Dead, kicked off in Chicago at the Metro on the anniversary weekend, April 15 and 16. I was there, and it was huge for me. Folks who know me know that Local H has been the band I’ve most consistently followed ever since seeing them touring for AGAD opening for Stone Temple Pilots in Philadelphia in November of 1996. So to be in their hometown for two sold out shows with Joe behind the kit for a set comprised of the entire AGAD record was amazing. It was made only better by the fact that current drummer Ryan Harding and singer/guitar/bass lunatic Scott Lucas kicked off the proceedings with a blistering set, and Lucas was then flanked by both drummers beating the ever-loving fuck out of a pair of quivering drum kits for a finale heavy on tunes from my favorite H record, 1998′s Pack Up the Cats. I would catch up with the tour a few weeks later in DC and Philly, a night that ended with a cheesesteak outing with the band and began with the fellas even tighter and more comfortable playing together. These dates were the highlights of my crappy 2016.

Nearly as awesome was seeing New Oreans sludge weirdos eyehategod in a tiny club in New York City in the fall. I’ve certainly seen EHG in tiny clubs before, but on this tour Lamb of God’s Randy Blythe was filling in for the ailing Mike Williams, and he was insane. I haven’t been into LoG for many years, and they long ago grew out of playing clubs, but this was a reminder of why I loved them so much. Blythe was a force of nature, a wild animal unleashed on a stage to a small room 2/3 full. Dude is the truth. Williams had a successful liver transplant at the end of the year, so hopefully he’ll back out croaking his unearthly vocals for the band soon enough, but catching the Blythe version was a real treat. 

Podcasts

Extra Hot Great remains my favorite podcast. The crew who brought you Television Without Pity and Fametracker brave tech issues and thousands of miles of distance to bring discussion of television and ridiculous games. David T. Cole, Sarah D. Bunting, and Tara Ariano are the best thing I pipe into my earholes every week. 

Slate’s Panoply network has expanded to include a wealth of great content, but I still gravitate to the OG lineup of The Culture Gabfest, Hang Up and Listen, and The Political Gabfest, which I turn on as soon as I wake up on Friday mornings. Each of these has three hosts with unique points of view and awesome chemistry, though they aren’t afraid to disagree. 

The Read is Kid Fury and Crissle. Angry. Black. Queer. Put on your helmet!

The Film Pigs have the only podcast about movies on the internet, and certainly the only one that Chuck D. composed theme music for. Just ask them. 

The Cracked Podcast often retreads ground covered in the articles on the site, but it’s worth it to hear Jason Pargin aka David Wong talk about anything. Dude is smart, thoughtful, and the kind of voice that needs exposure behind a humor site. 

We Hate Movies. Start with the Boondock Saints II  episode. You’ll thank me.

Television

Fleabag (Amazon Prime): This show you guys! Six episodes. Three hours. I dare you not to do it in one go. Phoebe Waller-Bridge is a revelation as the eponymous hero with a foul mouth and the need to nervously chat with the audience throughout her adventures. To say too much would be doing disservice to the fantastic narrative that Waller-Bridge, who also created and wrote the show, has constructed. Just brace yourself for a wallop of an ending--and the urge to start over again as soon as you’ve finished. This was my favorite tv thing in 2016.

Catastrophe (Amazon Prime): Season two. Rob and Sharon are parents. What could go wrong?

Banshee (Cinemax): This show aired its fourth and final season in 2016, though I only caught up with the first three seasons earlier in the year. It’s the show for folks (like me) who love the kind of R-rated, big dumb action pictures that Hollywood doesn’t make anymore. An unnamed thief gets out of prison after 15 years and hauls ass to small town Pennsylvania to meet up with the woman he left behind. By chance, he witnesses the death of the town’s new sheriff, and using quick thinking and a hacker best friend dressed in drag, assumes the sheriff’s identity. As sheriff Nate Hood, our hero fights crime and corruption, and an apostate Amish kingpin. The action is filmed spectacularly, the violence would make Kurt Sutter blush, and it’s Cinemax, so you know the sex is sultry and plentiful. This show is an underrated gem.  

Rectify (Sundance Network): Like Banshee, this one wrapped a four season run in 2016, and I had only just caught up with it. The tale of Daniel Holden, a man sentenced to death at 18 and released nearly twenty years later on a technicality (the show is cagey about his guilt), this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen on television, full stop. With standout supporting performances from Abigail Spencer and Clayne Crawford so powerful that I followed the actors to lesser network dramas, this show creates a portrait of people just trying to work through an emotional bomb that as been dropped as the shattered son, brother, friend, and step-brother they thought they’d never see again walks among them. Powerful stuff from Ray McKinnon, who I still think of as Reverend Smith on Deadwood. 

Better Call Saul (AMC): Season two finds Jimmy with the opportunity to settle in as a legit lawyer and partner to Kim. Watching him willfully blow it is agony. 

Search Party (TBS): So yeah...TBS is making quality dramedies now. Alia Shawkat leads a group of painfully self-involved friends as they search for a missing girl who they sort of maybe knew in college. Being lost in life is the real thematic game here, and the show finds a fresh way to engage this age-old trope. 

Bojack Horseman (Netflix): I’m not sure that there has been a show as depressing as this one. Bojack Horseman wraps the self destructive tendencies of Walter White, Don Draper, and James McGill together and multiplies them. It’s made worse because he also really feels things, kind of. The third season dropped on Netflix in 2016, but you have to start from the beginning and give the show some time to hook you. It’s well worth it.

The People V. O.J. Simpson (FX): Never in a million years did I think I would even like this, but boy howdy... I loved it. Sarah Paulson is jaw-dropping in bringing Marcia Clark to life and her chemistry with Sterling K. Brown’s Christopher Darden is scorching. Whether or not Darden and Clark hooked up in real life, I can’t imagine many folks who didn’t want these two characters to just get busy already. Courtney B. Vance crushed the role of Johnnie Cochran. And what in God’s name was Travolta doing?! I hate Ryan Murphy products. I loved this show!

Finally, I’m going to toss out a group of good but not great shows that also watched intently in 2016. The Girlfriend Experience on STARZ expands on Soderbergh’s film with a real actress this time (though I think Sasha Grey did what was asked of her in the film). Quarry on Cinemax tells the story of a man who returns to Memphis after two tours in Vietnam and finds himself drawn into a mysterious underworld as an assassin. Lethal Weapon on FOX is far better than it has any right to be, and casts Rectify’s brilliant Clayne Crawford as Riggs to Damon Wayans’s Murtaugh. And Timeless on NBC tells the story of a hijacked time machine and the ragtag crew sent to chase it through American history. Abigail Spencer shows up in this one, so score another extension of Rectify. None of these shows is going to compete with greats like Rectify or Breaking Bad or The Wire, but even in a crowded tv market, I think they are worth a look. They are solid. 

Movies

This is a short one as I saw very few new movies in 2016.

Green Room: Jeremy Saulnier brings the hurt with this tale of a hardcore band touring the Pacific northwest who get caught up with group of violent skinheads after a gig. Practical gore. Psychological horror. Patrick Stewart bringing soft-spoken menace as the cool leader of the neo-Nazi group. Also, one of Anton Yelchin’s final performances before his tragic death. This one had me watching through my fingers in the theater.

Brand: A Second Coming: This documentary chronicling the ups and downs of Russell Brand was probably the most thought-provoking film I saw all year. Directed by Ondi Timoner, who has made a career of examining male hubris, this film depicts a man who seems to truly mean well but simply cannot get out of his own way. I found it to be a very powerful character study. 

The Nice Guys: I’m in the bag for Shane Black. He still makes the big dumb action pictures. I even liked Russell Crowe in this one.

The Conjuring 2: Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are terrific. These films are legit scary. James Wan expertly uses his camera for maximum tension.

Blue Jay: Sarah Paulson again. I love her. And I’ve also become very fond of Mark Duplass the actor. I’ve mentioned this film before. A lovely two-hander about what could have (and maybe should have) been. 

So that’s it. On to 2017! Thanks for reading.

[papermoonloveslucy]

Lucy and the Countess Have a Horse Guest

S4;E6 ~ October 25, 1965

Synopsis

The Countess turns up on Lucy's doorstep with the only thing her late husband left her: a race horse. When she can't pay the stable fees, Lucy lets the horse stay on her patio. They hope it will race again one day, until it is discovered that the horse is pregnant.

Regular Cast

Lucille Ball (Lucy Carmichael), Gale Gordon (Theodore J. Mooney)

Mary Jane Croft (Mary Jane Lewis) does not appear in this episode.

Guest Cast

Ann Sothern (Rosie Hannigan, the Countess Framboise) makes the first of her three season four appearances at the Countess. Sothern had appeared in the first “Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour” “Lucy Takes a Cruise to Havana” (1957) as Susie MacNamara, the same character she played on her show “Private Secretary” from 1953 to 1957. In return, Lucille Ball played Lucy Ricardo on her show in 1959. Sothern appeared with Ball in five films between 1933 and 1943. She was nominated for an Oscar for her final screen appearance in The Whales of August in 1987. She is buried near her home in Sun Valley, Idaho, a place also dear to Lucy and Desi.  

Herb Vigran (Veterinarian) played Jule, Ricky Ricardo’s music agent on two episodes of “I Love Lucy” in addition to playing movie publicist Hal Sparks in “Lucy is Envious” (ILL S3;23). He was seen in the Lucy-Desi film The Long, Long Trailer. He played the role of the baseball umpire (an eye doctor) in two previous episodes. He went on to play other characters in two more episodes.

The Veterinarian says he's been a horse doctor for 22 years. He never gives his name.  

Bill Quinn (Mr. Morton, stable owner) is probably best remembered as Mr. Van Rensalear on “All in the Family” and “Archie Bunker's Place.” This is his only appearance with Lucille Ball.  

The character introduces himself as Mr. Morton, although the final credits list him as Mr. Frink. Morton is, of course, Lucille Ball's name by marriage to Gary Morton, the show's production consultant and warm-up act.

Sid Gould (Porter #1) made more than 45 appearances on “The Lucy Show,” all as background characters. He also did 40 episodes of “Here’s Lucy.” Gould (born Sydney Greenfader) was Lucille Ball’s cousin by marriage to Gary Morton. Gould was married to Vanda Barra, who also appeared on “The Lucy Show” starting in 1967, as well as on “Here’s Lucy.”

Bennett Green (Porter #2, uncredited) was Desi Arnaz’s stand-in during “I Love Lucy.” He does frequent background work on “The Lucy Show.” 

He does not have any dialogue.

William Frawley (Horse Trainer) was already a Hollywood veteran when he was hired by Desi Arnaz to play Fred Mertz on “I Love Lucy.”  After the series concluded he joined the cast of “My Three Sons” playing Bub Casey. This was his final appearance before his death in March 1966.

William Frawley gets his own full screen end credit, listed as "And our own Bill Frawley as The Trainer."

There are two live horses (Oil Well and May) and two foals (Lucy and Rosie) used on screen.

An uncredited and unidentified background actor leads Oil Well into the stable. 

This episode was written by Garry Marshall and Jerry Belson and directed by Maury Thompson.

The original telecast included commercials for Wisk laundry detergent, Lux dish washing soap, Dippity-Do hair gel, and White Rain hair spray. There was also a promo spot for "The Ed Sullivan Show"

This episode was filmed September 16, 1965. That was a big night for CBS, with the very first episode of “My Three Sons” after moving from ABC titled “The First Marriage”. It was also the first episode of the series broadcast in color, something “The Lucy Show” did three days earlier with “Lucy at Marineland” (S4;E1). 

Although William Frawley had left “My Three Sons” due to declining health, two of the “sons” had been seen on “The Lucy Show”. Don Grady (Robbie Douglas) had played Chris Carmichael’s friend Bill and Barry Livingston (Ernie Douglas) had played Mr. Mooney’s son Arnold. Barbara Perry was also in the “Three Sons” cast that night. Perry would do two episodes of “The Lucy Show” in 1966. Fred MacMurray teamed with Lucille Ball on “Lucy Hunts Uranium” (LDCH S1;E3) James V. Kern was the “Sons” director, a position he also held on “I Love Lucy.” “My Three Sons” was filmed at Desilu Studios.  

“Gilligan’s Island” also had marriage theme the night of September 16, 1965. That episode featured “The Lucy Show” actors Mary Foran and Alan Hale Jr.  Natalie Schafer (Mrs. Howell) had played Phoebe Emerson in “The Charm School” (ILL S3;E15). 

Lucille Ball has restyled her hair for this episode.

Ann Sothern, Gale Gordon, and Herb Vigran all receive entrance applause from the studio audience.  

Rosie once again arrives at Lucy's home with lots of luggage, although not nearly as much as when she first arrived in Danfield (above). Once again, Sid Gould is one of the men delivering it and being tipped.

Lucy tells Rosie that so far in Hollywood she has met: 

Lassie's Hairdresser ~ Canine star Lassie was mentioned on “I Love Lucy” in “The Young Fans” (ILL S1;E20), among others.

The Man who used to dry off Lloyd Bridges ~ Actor Lloyd Bridges was the star of “Sea Hunt” (1958-1961), a TV series about a scuba diver which featured extensive underwater filming. It was previously mentioned in “Lucy and Viv Put in a Shower” (S1;E18) and “Lucy Buys a Boat” (S1;E30). Bridges played a doctor on the season five opener of “Here’s Lucy” in 1972.

Liberace's Dentist ~ Flamboyant pianist Liberace (well known for his continual smile), was mentioned on “I Love Lucy” in “The Diner” (ILL S3;E27). He will guest star on a 1970 episode of “Here's Lucy” playing himself.

When Rosie says that her late husband left her Oil Well, Lucy says that she'll be in with the Rockefellers and the Vanderbilts. Rosie says she'll be in with the Longdens and the Arcaros because Oil Well is a racehorse. The former are two of the wealthiest families in America, although it was Rockefeller who made his fortune in oil as owner of Standard Oil. Eddie Arcaro (1916-97) held the record for winning more American classic races than anyone else. Johnny Longden (1907-2003, above) was one of the most successful jockeys of all time. By the end of his 40 year career he had racked up 6,032 victories. He played himself on “I Love Lucy” in “The Loving Cup” (ILL S6;E12).  

Rosie formally asks the Horse Trainer (William Frawley) to announce her as the Countess Henri Gaston Armand Jean-Louis Philippe Framboise Le Cul-de-Sac. The Trainer grimaces (in Frawley's inimitable way) and then shouts “Some dame is here to see you!”  After William Frawley's brief cameo as the horse trainer, Lucy says “You know he reminds me of someone I used to know.”  This is an obvious reference to his nine year history of playing Fred Mertz opposite Lucille Ball.  

This was William Frawley's final appearance on television. He died of a heart attack at the Knickerbocker Hotel, a few months after shooting this show. Desi Arnaz was grief-stricken with the loss of his friend and took out a full-page ad in the trade papers, consisting of Frawley's picture, framed in black, and three words: "Buenas noches, amigo!" Lucy had wanted Frawley to appear on “The Lucy Show” earlier, but because he and Vivian Vance did not get along, Lucy had to wait until Viv was no longer a regular.

Oil Well's board and feed bill comes to $937.14. Adjusting for inflation, that would be more than $7,200 today. Lucy spent $86 for oats, which she tells Mr. Mooney is for baking cookies.

Rosie says that Oil Well may be old enough to be the first horse to collect Medicare. Congress enacted Medicare to provide health insurance to people age 65 and older, regardless of income or medical history. President Johnson signed the bill into law on July 30, 1965, just two weeks after this episode was filmed so this was an subject very much in the news in 1965.  

MR. MOONEY: “Mrs. Carmichael!  We will talk about it right here, if you don’t mind!” LUCY: “Of horse! Of course, of course!”

When Lucy is trying to hide the fact that she’s keeping a horse in her apartment, she inadvertently (perhaps deliberately by the writers) quotes the lyrics to the sitcom “Mr. Ed” the most famous horse on television! 

“A horse is a horse, of course, of course And no one can talk to a horse, of course. That is, of course, unless the horse Is the famous Mister Ed!”

The show aired on CBS from 1958 to 1966. The night before this episode of “The Lucy Show” first aired, “Mr. Ed” featured actor George N. Neise, who had played Mr. Carter (no relation) in “Lucy Becomes A Father” (S3;E9) a year earlier. In 1966, Bill Quinn (Mr. Morton in “Lucy and the Countess Have a Horse Guest”) appeared on “Mr. Ed.”  Jimmy Garrett, who played Jerry Carmichael, had done an episode in 1962. On a 1970 episode of “Here’s Lucy,” guest star Carol Burnett also mentions Mr. Ed.

Lucy's checking account is known around the bank as ‘Mooney's Millstone.’ In this case, Mr. Mooney is referring to the Biblical proverb about “a millstone around one’s neck”, which means to put some burden on a person’s life or punishment that makes escape impossible. It also means to force somebody takes up some responsibility or a job that they are trying to avoid. 

When the Countess sees Mr. Mooney, she addresses him by his real name, instead of “Mr. Money,” which was a running gag back in Danfield. 

There are two references to sending Oil Well to the “Glue Factory.” This has become a euphemism for euthanizing a horse (or any animal) but it is based in fact. Early adhesives were made from a process that incorporated animal bones and hides. The animal were generally horses (due to its shear size), but other animals were also used.

The Veterinarian's diagnosis of Oil Well is that “She's pregnant!” When Lucy Ricardo was expecting a child in 1952, the network forbade the word “pregnant” from being mentioned on air.  Times have changed.

When hearing that Oil Well is expecting, Lucy prepares the horse a lunch of dill pickles, strawberries, hot sauce, cod liver oil, and sardines. Lucy and Rosie assume that horses have the same pre-natal cravings that some women experience.  

Lucy gets an irate phone call from Mrs. Goldaper, the woman who lives downstairs from her, about Oil Wells clomping about. Goldaper was Lucy's husband Gary Morton's birth name, so technically Lucille Ball is also a “Mrs. Goldaper.”  

As Oil Well is giving birth, Mr. Mooney sings “Sonny Boy” hoping it is a boy. "Sonny Boy" was written by Ray Henderson, Bud De Sylva, and Lew Brown and was featured in the 1928 talkie The Singing Fool sung by Al Jolson. It is ironic that a Jolson song should be sung in the same episode that features William Frawley, who had a long-standing and sometimes bitter rivalry with the performer.

Lucy reminds Rosie that she has given birth and is a mother (without mentioning their names). Rosie says her sister has also given birth, making her an aunt. 

Oil Well has births two foals, which Rosie and Lucy name... Rosie and Lucy!

Callbacks & Fast Forward!

In “Lucy Wins a Racehorse,” a 1958 episode of “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour,” Lucy also kept a live race horse (named Whirling Jet) in the house. 

Lucy Carmichael says she bought a special chair for Oil Well to sit in and rest, although the horse never actually sits on it on camera. It is possible that the producers were hoping to recreate the gag of the horse sitting an an armchair that was featured in “Lucy Wins a Racehorse,” but that Oil Well refused to cooperate. There seems little other reason for the chair and the dialogue. Also, there is a hard edit in the film as the telephone rings. Saved by the bell! 

Lucy jokingly tells Oil Well to chew his food 30 times before swallowing. When Lucy Ricardo is trying to delay getting to the theatre in “Lucy’s Night In Town” (ILL S6;E22) she tells Ricky that “ Everyone should chew their food 25 times before swallowing, just like the animals do.” 

While mixing Oil Well's food, Lucy says that when she was pregnant she always wanted ice cream with sardines. On “I Love Lucy,” Lucy Ricardo also craved ice cream and sardines, even sending Ricky out in the middle of the night to get it for her.

She also mixes in some dill pickles, which was another craving that Lucy Carter said she had when she ‘faked’ her pregnancy in “Lucy the Part-Time Wife” (HL S3;E14). 

When Oil Well goes into labor, pandemonium ensues just as it did when “Lucy Goes to the Hospital” (ILL S2;E16). “Call the cab!” “I’ll call the cab!” 

In the panic, Mr. Mooney says “I’d better go out and by Dr. Spock’s baby book.”  Benjamin McLane Spock (1903-98) was a pediatrician whose 1946 book Dr. Spock’s Baby and Child Care is one of the best-sellers of all time. It was first mention on “I Love Lucy” in “Nursery School” (S5;E9) and again in “Little Ricky’s School Pageant” (S6;E10). Ricky often mispronounced his name as “Dr. Spook”!  Convincing their sons to deliver a cake for them, Viv calls Lucy Carmichael “The Dr. Spock of Danfield” in a 1964 episode of “The Lucy Show.”

Live horses were also featured on “The Lucy Show” in “Lucy Visits the White House” (S1;E25), “Kiddie Parties Inc.” (S2;E2), “Lucy and Arthur Godfrey” (S3;E23), “Lucy Discovers Wayne Newton” (S4;E14), and “Lucy and Robert Goulet” (S6;E8).  

Blooper Alerts!

Luggage Jenga! When Porter #2 walks toward Rosie to be tipped, the baggage he has stacked topples over with a loud thud. He turns around to see what has made the noise, but does not go back to fix it and the scene goes on as if nothing has happened. 

Shut The Door! As usual on “The Lucy Show,” when Mr. Mooney enters Lucy's home he leaves the front door open.   

What’s My Line! Lucille Ball jumps Ann Sothern's line when she's in the kitchen talking about her tin mine in the Alps.  

Sitcom Logic Alert!  When Rosie arrives at 4am, Lucy is wearing pajamas, a robe, with her hair in curlers, but still has on very thick eyelashes!  

Second Story Horse! It has previously been established and confirmed again here that Lucy lives on the second floor, making the idea of Oil Well getting up the stairs and living on her patio quite unlikely! 

My Three Sons! When Oil Well is about to give birth, Mr. Mooney says “I hope it's a boy. I've always wanted a boy.” He forgets that he has three sons of his own: Ted Jr., Bob, and Arnold. Which brings our story full circle! 

“Lucy and the Countess Have a Horse Guest” rates 4 Paper Hearts out of 5 

RIP Bill Frawley (1887-1966)