#i did run out of the instant yeast

[reformedpeasant]

some days you wake up and want to bake three different kinds of bread

[cartierdreamx]

Hacked into you - 3 (AU)

Hi guys! Hope you’re doing well and your week has been great, here’s a longer chapter that I definitely enjoyed writing and that you guys deserve, something mention here (the car) in the chapter is confusing if you don’t know Watchdogs lore but a quick google search should fix that!! To keep me writing, I am so down to take requests for Jenna or any of her characters so if you would like to send in a request or just to talk to me, feel free to!! Anyways, I hope you enjoy <333

READ PART 2  PART 1

Pairings: jenna ortega x fem! Reader

Warnings: swearing (that’s it I’m pretty sure)

*I plan to write smut in this story and it does have some dark themes like violence involved, the game itself was rated MA15+ where I am from (might be different depending which country you are in) so my fic will be 18+ because I am involving more adult themes, if you do choose to proceed, please keep that in mind*

BLOND - 3

What’s the CTO of Blume doing here at 3am on a jog? run? Hell, I don’t care, only thing I care about is trying to figure out where he placed the tracker, he takes me for a fool, but the rich white man underestimates me yet again, after collecting myself, I shake off the sand and see Jenna squinting her eyes at me, trying to decipher what just happened.

“Woah, are you okay b?” B? Babe, baby, bitch, either way a little lightning bolt electrifies my heart as if I needed to be revived.

“Yeah, yeah, that was Nemec”.

“Shit. SHIT. Fuck, what’s he doing here? And so close to Dedsec, he never gets this close, nor does he do his own dirty work”.

She’s hyperventilating, well about to.

I step closer to her and extend my arm, allowing her to grab on if she’s willing, to my surprise she takes it in an instant and pulls herself into my chest. I couldn’t help but to me taken a back, but I don’t pull away, I place one hand on her head and the other running across her shoulder blades, she smells of vanilla and apples, warm, like home. Y/N snap out of it, she’s not yours.

“Hey shhhh, I’m here love, it’s okay, you’re okay, I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

Her breathing slows but deepens, indicating that she’s calming down, I’m glad I can give her some comfort.

“Would you like to go get food or do you wanna stay like this for a bit longer?”

“Just a bit longer, please”.

We stay like this for around 5 minutes, it was comforting, she was comforting, and I didn’t think I needed it, she was waves of healing, like the ones that spoke to us on the beach.

“Thank you, y/n”.

“It’s really no worries, Jen”.

By this time, I was fully sober and so was she, I was sober enough to drive and vice versa, but I was craving that drive and I wanted Jenna to relax and focus on staying warm than figuring out the cars and roads. Now, obviously I don’t have my car, blindfolded was the transportation I took to get here, however when a single click of a button on my phone, an electric car around me clicks open. It was a sleek, batman black, asteria prime. It was an instinct to open the door for Jenna, on the way in, she winks at me and slides her hand past my waist. There was no alcohol in my system but her presence, weakens my knees and system, the way fermented yeast did. Once I hop into the driver’s seat and press the button for engine start, I can see Jenna shivering a little, she’ll never admit it but my eyes never deceive me, so, I turn on the heater and seat warmers allowing her raise her body temperature.

Being in this car with her raises the unspoken tension between us once more, so I decide to turn the radio on. I realise putting on RnB would only raise the tension but I can’t help it, it’s my favourite music genre and it is heaven to my ears, the slow melody that massages every nerve in your body to the soft yet sharp voice of the artist you’re singing, nothing beats RnB and it’s sub categories. As I reach for the touchscreen displaying Spotify, Jenna reaches her hand towards it to, our pointers touch.

“You’re so warm, I need you”.

“Me?” I knew what she meant, you as in my warmth, not the warmness of my soul but my physicality, my warm skin, the way my blood rises to warm me up. Ever since I was young I was able to warm myself up easily, I never knew the reason but I couldn’t complain, it’d be the coldest winters but my hands and face never knew glaciers, the cold wasn’t welcomed upon my skin. I knew what she meant but I couldn’t help but smirk and allow the butterflies to set in, her comment made me grasp the steering wheel even tighter.

“Not you- well, I, I meant, you but” before she could finish I cut her off to save her the embarrassment, I can’t lie though, I enjoyed it and I will not be living it down.

I chuckle, “well, well, well, now look who’s stuttering”.

“Shut up, it’s just cold”.

“Mmhmh, whatever makes you sleep at night, relax Jen, I know what you mean, I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’ve just been able to do this all my life, my friends would grab my hands and place them on their cheeks to warm them up”.

“Cheeks, huh?”. She smirks.

“Oh, that’s not what I meant and you know it!”

“Hmmmm maybe, but I like seeing you flustered”.

“Careful Ms Jenna wouldn’t want people to think you’re flirting with me”.

“Flirt? With you? Never!” She exclaims, letting out a dramatic gasp. “Okay y/n, put your music on, let’s see, put on the wrong music and I’m jumping out the car”.

“Oh, well then I think you should just jump out the car honestly.”

“HEY!” She hisses and hitting me in my sternum, causing us both to laugh and wipe our eyes as they started filling with water.

I knew exactly what to put on, I needed something cruisy, but deep enough that it talks to both of us. Frank Ocean. Specifically, Ivy, from his albumb Blond, my favourite album of his.

The first line sings, I thought that I was dreaming when you said you loved me, the start of nothing.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP! I LOVE FRANK, YOU TOO????”

“Anyone given the gift of life should”.

“Well, I guess I just might stay in the car then”.

‘WELLLLLLLLLL” I shrieked.

“Whaaattttttttttt?”

We’re here, right outside a McDonalds, just what we needed after a long night, the bright M logo is lowkey blinding us but the light illuminates her face even more, she exults a beauty no words can grasp, but the soft yellow light upon her skin from the softens my muscles, every knot undone. Driving up to the speaker box, I know exactly what I want.

“Jen, what would you like?”

“Whatever you order, b”.

“Aren’t you pescatarian? I will most definitely not be eating a fillet o fish”.

“Technically yeah, but I can be flexible, within reason, and tonight is within reason”.

“Alright, well I could eat the entire store so be ready”.

“This lil lady can eat”.

“Alrightttttt”.

Hi! What can I get for you tonight?

Hi! Could I please get 2 double cheeseburger meals, no pickles, large and coke and sprite for the drink

Sure thing! Anything else?

Yes, could I also get 40 nuggets with sweet and sour sauce and big mac sauce with that, that’ll be all thanks!

Sure, no problem, drive down to the next window, thanks.

After arriving at the window, I pull out my wallet to pay but Jenna grabs my wrist.

“Uhhhh, what do you think you’re doing b, you’re not paying, you’ve already done enough tonight”.

“Nope, I’m not letting you pay”. Swiftly paying before she lets out another word.

“Damn, you’re slick” I wink at her and click my tongue. “Okay, but next time, I’m paying”.

“Mhmhm, not gonna happen”.

I drive to the last window to collect our food, as soon as they open their drive thru window to pass out our food I can smell the oil, the signature smell of McDonalds, the shoestring fries with a linger of salt. I can’t like, my mouth nearly starts salivating, though, there could be another reason I’m salivating, and she’s sitting right next to me.

Here’s your food, enjoy!

Thank you so much.

Now we have our food, I place it on Jenna’s lap and quickly catch her stealing a fry or two, I giggle, knowing damn well the temptation was there, and if I was in her position, I would have done the same. I have no clue where to go but I reckon home is where we should head. I say home as if souls and bodies embrace my apartment, but I’m young, single, and unavailable, in a sense that I don’t technically exist anymore. I am alive, breathing, living, everything but, everything I was, is now not everything I am, the same body, yet different minds, mind over matter and my heart above all.

“Where are we headed now? Ms Uber”.

“You think you’re so funny don’t you”.

“Just a bit”.

“Don’t mean to burst your bubble butttttt”.

She stares me down, giving me an iconic Kubrick stare.

“But what”.

“Hehe, but nothing”.

“Mhmhm, that’s what I thought, b”.

Something about b. One syllable, not even a word, and right now I don’t even know what it means, b to me could be different to her, she could be calling me bitch for all I know. Usually time goes fast when you’re having fun and when you’re with the right company, but with Jenna, with her. Time is nothing but us.

“Okay, before you kill me, we’re headed to my apartment”.

“What an honour”.

“Hmmm, maybe, I don’t know, I’ve had plenty of girls over”. I smirk, taking a hit on her, the smartass in me had my ears raised, and before I could say another word, I feel a warm sting on my stomach.

“OW, JENNA, what was that for?!”

“For trying to be a smartass”.

“Oh” I test my luck and shoot one more hit, “you know jealously is not a good look on you”.

“I’m not jealous, y/n”.

“Mhmhm whatever you say, anyways we are hereeeeee”.

“Finally, if it took any longer, I would’ve jumped out of the car”.

“Okay Ms big mouth, I’m the one with the key to the apartment”.

“Hm yeah? Well, I’m the pretty girl” she clocks at me whilst getting out of the car.

I stay in the car for a few seconds and giggle a little while turning off the car, honestly if I knew Dedsec would comprise of this, of Jenna, I would have joined a lot faster, it’s silly, I know but sometimes I think maybe I could have a chance at a normal life, a wife and kids, living with pride about who we are as a LGBTQ+ family, and maybe it could be her. I shut my eyes hard and and let out a sigh, that’s all that it is, a thought, a fantasy, a dream out of reach. It’s not my life, and honestly all this vigilante work and Dedsec is my life, it’s here in the palms of my hands, and I’ve worked too hard to let it go.

“Y/nnnnnnnnnnnn, if you don’t get your ass out here now I am going to find your apartment door and knock it down”.

“Okay, okay, the princess gets what she wants”.

“Yeah, she does”. She winks at me.

We walk into the lobby and Alfred; the doorman greets me.

“Good morning, Ms y/n, ma’am”.

“Good Morrow, Alfred”.

Jenna smiles at him and chucks a good morning to him as well.

“In the Dedsec world, where no one knows your name or face, who is he? No judgement at all, I was just curious” Jenna remarks as the doors open for the elevator and I press the top number and place my key card on the reader that will let us up. I look away from her face, looking anywhere but her, probably the first time tonight I did.

“I’m sorry, it’s okay you don’t have to open up to me, I didn’t mean to cross a line”.  

I immediately look up at her with my mouth in an O shape.

“Oh, Jen, no, it’s okay, please don’t apologise, you did nothing wrong at all and don’t worry I do want to tell you”. I take a deep breath and let my heart talk.

“I know how dangerous this life is, I knew the risk but Alfred, he’s the only family I have, well have left anyway, I broke ties from my family years ago and started living here, yeah they were blood but what choice did I have when the blood was drowning me and water was all I had left? I took this apartment, it was the only thing I took from them and Alfred, knowing me since then, became my family and after deciding what I wanted to do, what I wanted to join, I couldn’t just leave him behind, not when he was the only thing I had, when I had nothing”.

I take deep breaths, making sure no tears escape my ducts but one stubborn one escapes, I go to wipe it off but a small, soft, warm beats me to it.

“Hey b, thank you for opening up, I feel honoured, and I understand you completely, I’m here now, we’re here now, Dedsec is your family, you are one of us, and I promise you nothing is going to happen to Alfred, or you, I won’t let that even be a thought”.

“Thank you”.

That was another time where the 4th dimension was non-existent, but alas, the elevator door dings and finally opens. I hear a loud gasp which makes a smile break.

“Fuck, did Oprah join Dedsec?”

“Haha, I’m glad you’re amused, welcome to my humble abode”.

“HUMBLE? Y/N THIS IS BIGGER THAN ANY DEDSEC HACKERSPACE WE HAVE, WHO ARE YOU, WHO IS YOUR FAMILY”.

“Now, sweet one, that is for you to find out, quick get over here before your food gets ice cold”.

After a good 20 minutes of eating, chewing, and a lot of “Oh my God, I needed this”. We were both collapsed on the couch, in a food coma about to pass out. At this time of night, well morning, I offer to Jenna just to stay the night instead.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, there’s a guest bedroom over there to the right and the closest is filled with spare clothes if you need, toiletries and other things are in the dresser”.

“You’re too kind”.

“Always”.

“But first, let me see your room, I bet it’s bigger than my brain could even think”.

I lead her towards the bedroom and open my door, instead of a gasp I hear a-

“SHIT”.

“Impressed?”

“Very, hmm you know, in another life where I’m a world renown actress, this could be mine”.

I laugh, “I believe that Ms Jenna”.

“Ortega, my last name is Ortega”.

She opened up, it may not seem like much, but Dedsec members are super secretive about personal information, it’s better that way, it’s for protection, I mean our faces and names are wiped off the system anyway, but caution is taken. I smile at her and nod.

“Mines l/n, y/n l/n”.

“Well, nice to meet you Ms y/n l/n”.

“Likewise, Ms Jenna Ortega”.

“Now seeing that you’re sitting on your very comfortable looking bed, I’m assuming you’re about to pass out so I’ll leave you to it”.

She starts heading towards the door, but before she opens it to head out, my subconscious takes over me and becomes my conscious.

“Wait”.

She turns back with wide eyes.

“Stay”.

[j0vialmoon]

So I had a cookie run oc his name was Strawberry Croissant cookie or SC for short

THEN BEAST-YEAST HAPPENED

And SC became Dazzling Berry

Which is basically sC as one of the beasts

Yeah I made my oc a beast

Here’s a bit of background

You were once a Hero, just like them. Radiant and loved, worshipped by all.

You were Dazzling berry Cookie, spirit of ambition, and by the Witches did you live up to it.

when you fell, you did with a bang. Explosions rocked the coast, with several islands being destroyed in an instant, letting Cookies live in exchange for their undying love and worship. you were the most "lenient".

The Beasts couldn't be more happy that you joined them.

you would often give gifts to your fellow Fallen Heroes, charming them and endearing them to you.

It was cute to you, how they all thought they were in control.

Sometimes, you just wanted to scoop them all up and put them in a nice cage, merely for you to admire!

When your Creators, the Witches, turned their backs on your friends, you were the only one to escape. Your rage was palpable, your screams and threats of violence echoing throughout Beast-Yeast as you fled.

Many years later, you had unearthed many secrets and tricks, including changing your body size. No longer a giant, you were a slightly taller than average Cookie.

You joined a flourishing kingdom, changed your name to strawberry Croissant cookie, made new friends, even helped others.

but it was all a part of your plan to get back to Beast-Yeast and take back what was rightfully yours..

Soon, that opportunity would arise

The seal swirled and howled as familiar magic and eyes appeared. You grinned widely despite everyone's fears, your Soul Jam began to shine in tandem with the pulsing of the seals magic no longer hidden.

As a familiar head and arms busted through, you rushed forward, magic warping and changing your body.

Soon, you stood at the height you did all that time ago, and you pulled Shadow Milk Cookie out of the seal.

You shared a grin with him, ignoring the horror of the Cookies below.

"I promised to come back, didn't I?"

"I'm glad you kept your promise"

Credits for background go to @yanderecookierunkingdom Ty

So what do you think?

[dearlydetests]

Do you hate the rising prices of bread?

Things are getting more expensive. Bread in stores are full of gross preservatives. It doesn't taste as good as when you were a kid.

I have a book. It's called 'How to Cook Everything' by Mark Bittman. It's a great read, the link I put is to their direct website and it's like $12, but you could find it on thriftbooks, used, for like $6 or less. I use the 20th edition because it was a gift and good lord do these recipes work.

So, here it is, the bread recipe they use. It takes about 4 hours hours, a longer if you don't have a stand mixer, but the bread that comes out of it is way better than any I've bought in store.

What you Need:

1 1/4 cup of milk (I use whole milk, the book suggests 2% as a replacement if you don't like whole. I haven't tried anything different)

3 1/2 cups all-purpose or bread flour, plus more for kneading and shaping

1 tsp salt

2 1/4 tsp (1 packet) instant yeast

1 tbsp sugar

2 tbsp good quality vegetable oil (I used olive oil, I would not recommend switching this out for butter as the olive oil made it lighter)

And that's it. That's all you need to make bread. You could make multiple loafs in a day, just spend a day making bread. Heat up your milk to 100℉, a little lower or a little warmer depending on altitude. Throw all that shit in a bowl or stand mixer or food processor or whatever. I use a stand mixer with the bread hook attachment.

Run that shit at a low speed until it all looks mixed together, then a little higher until it feels tacky and smooth. You can knead it if you want to make it smoother, that's what I did, but I don't think you have to. Grease a large bowl, or the bowl you mixed it in, wrap it in plastic wrap, and leave it alone for 2 hours. Go play video games, do homework, run to the store, whatever you want! Or start on another loaf!

It should be twice the size. Smack it down. Put it on a cutting board that's dusted with flour. Cover it and let it sit for 15 minutes. Shape it into a loaf form, put it in a greased 9x5-inch loaf pan, cover it and let it rise in a warm place for about 1 1/2 hours. What I did and the book suggest for this part is put your oven at the lowest temperature, let it preheat then turn it off. Put the bread in there for the hour, then put it on top of the stove for the last 30 minutes. Set the oven to 350 and get ready to cook it for 45-50 minutes. I brushed it with butter before I put it in and the crust tastes soooo good. The book suggests water.

And that's that! Let it cool on a wire rack or whatever you have, cut it, and enjoy the amazingness of fresh baked bread.

I know not everyone has time for this, but if you ever have a day off, it is so worth it. You can put the loaf in the fridge and it will last longer. My roommate made us grilled cheeses with my bread and it crisped nicely, it was soft on the inside. Trust me. It takes a while but it's mostly rest time and you can do other stuff while you're waiting.

[copperbadge]

PIZZA HAMANTASCHEN. 

It worked better than I dreamed -- I assumed they would all unfold, or that the sauce would bubble up and just coat the whole thing, turning it into one giant lumpy unit. But they actually came out super delicious. I’ve already eaten two.

I think if I did it again I would either roll the dough thinner or use a more traditional pizza crust dough -- this dough is meant for “skillet pizza” and is very bready, which normally I like because I like a thick crust on my pizza. With much less of the bread covered by the sauce and cheese, however, it just gets to be a bit much with the “side” parts of each little pizza. It might be good with garlic dipping sauce though. 

Anyway, confirmed that this is possible and also that the pizza sauce I made this morning is a success. 

The dough recipe comes from America’s Test Kitchen and is locked, so full recipe below the readmore!

SKILLET PIZZA

2 cups bread flour

1 1/4 teaspoons instant or rapid-rise yeast

3/4 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 cup warm water (110 degrees)

1 cup pizza sauce

Shredded mozzarella cheese (part skim is best)

Pulse flour, yeast, and salt together in food processor to combine, about 5 pulses. With processor running, add oil, then water, and process until rough ball forms, 30 to 40 seconds. Let dough rest for 2 minutes, then process for 30 seconds longer. (If after 30 seconds dough is very sticky and clings to blade, add extra flour as needed.)

Alternately: Stir together flour, yeast, and salt; make a well in the center and add water, then oil, and mix until combined (stand mixer does a pretty good job with this), adding extra flour as needed. 

Transfer dough to lightly floured counter and knead by hand (or knead a few extra minutes in your stand mixer) to form smooth, round ball. Place dough in large, lightly greased bowl, cover, and let rise until doubled in size, 1 to 1½ hours. 

Pre-heat oven to 500 degrees (mine only goes to 450 and 450 works fine, fwiw). Grease a cast iron skillet.

For normal pizza: flatten dough with your hands and then press into cold skillet, until the dough reaches to the edge of the skillet all the way around. Top with sauce, starting in the center and working out until about 1/2″ from the edge. Top with mozzarella. 

For pizza hamantaschen: divide dough into five roughly equal parts and form each part into a ball. Pat or roll each part into a circle about 6″ in diameter. Spread with a generous amount of sauce about 1/2″ from the edge, and top with a mound of mozzarella in the very middle. Add toppings if desired. Squeeze the edges up to form a triangle structure; in order to keep the seams in place you may have to fold them a little. Place in cold skillet; repeat until finished. 

Set skillet over medium-high heat and cook until outside edge of dough is set, pizza is lightly puffed, and bottom crust is spotty brown when gently lifted with spatula, 2 to 4 minutes. 

Transfer skillet to oven and bake until edge of pizza is golden brown and cheese is melted, 7 to 10 minutes. Remove from skillet to serve. 

[thewitches-lovenest]

APPLE CINNAMON SUGAR PULL APART BREAD

INGREDIENTS

FOR THE DOUGH

 2¾ cups plus 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour, divided

 ¼ cup granulated sugar

 2 1/4 teaspoons 1 envelope active dry yeast

 ½ teaspoon salt

 2 ounces unsalted butter

 ⅓ cup whole milk

 ¼ cup water

 2 eggs (at room temperature)

 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

FOR THE FILLING

 1 cup granulated sugar

 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

 1 large apple (peeled, cored and diced small)

 2 ounces unsalted butter (melted)

DIRECTIONS

Prepare the Dough: In a large mixing bowl, whisk together 2 cups of the flour, the sugar, yeast, and salt. Set aside.

In a small bowl, whisk together the eggs and set aside.

Place the milk and butter in a small saucepan over medium-low heat, and heat, stirring occasionally, until the butter has just melted. Remove from the heat and add the water and vanilla extract. Let mixture stand until it registers 115 to 125 degrees F on an instant read thermometer.

Pour the milk mixture into the dry ingredients and mix with a spatula. Add the eggs and stir the mixture until the eggs are incorporated into the batter. The eggs will feel soupy and it’ll seem like the dough and the eggs are never going to come together. Keep stirring. Add ¾ cup of the remaining flour and stir with the spatula for about 2 minutes. The mixture will come together but be slightly sticky.

Place the dough is a large, greased bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and a clean kitchen towel. Place in a warm space and allow to rest until doubled in size, about 1 hour. (Make Ahead! >> The dough can be risen until doubled in size, then refrigerated overnight for use in the morning. If you’re using this method, just let the dough rest on the counter for 30 minutes before following the roll-out directions below.)

Prepare the Filling: In a medium bowl, whisk together the sugar and cinnamon, then stir in the chopped apple until evenly coated. Set aside.

Grease and flour a 9 x 5-inch loaf pan.

Assemble the Bread: Deflate the risen dough and knead the remaining 2 tablespoons of flour into the dough. Cover with a clean kitchen towel and let rest for 5 minutes. On a lightly floured work surface, use a rolling pin to roll the dough into a 12 x 20-inch rectangle. Brush the melted butter across all of the dough. Spread the apple/cinnamon-sugar mixture evenly all over the dough (if there is any accumulated juices, drizzle that over the dough too).

Slice the dough (I use a pizza cutter!) into six equal-sized strips in both directions for a total of 36 squares/rectangles (they might not all be the same size/shape and that's okay). Create six stacks of six layers each. Layer the dough squares in the loaf pan cut-side up. (You can do them all in one direction or alternate them like I did.) Cover with a kitchen towel and place in a warm place for 30 to 45 minutes, or until almost doubled in size.

Bake the Bread: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Cover a sheet pan with foil and place on the lowest oven rack to catch any drips. Place the bread in the oven and bake for 35 to 45 minutes, until the top is very golden brown, and an instant read thermometer placed into the center of the bread reads at least 190 degrees F. (The top may be lightly browned, but the center may still be raw. A nice, dark, golden brown will ensure that the center is cooked as well.)

Remove from the oven and allow to rest for 20 to 30 minutes. Run a butter knife around the edges of the pan to loosen the bread and remove to a cutting board or serving plate. Serve warm or at room temperature. The bread is best served the day it’s made, but it can also we wrapped in plastic wrap and kept at room temperature for up to 2 days.

[matth1w]

Can I ask for a Lucifer Morningstar fic where the reader to pregnant, hasn’t told Lucifer yet and panics starting to lie to him and avoid him. They resolve it when he does some of his own detective work and he decides he wants you to know he likes the child. Bonus points of stuff like ‘well now I’ve trapped you and you’re mine...’ (like playfully) Thanks.

Detective Morningstar

Pairing: Lucifer Morningstar x Reader

Summary: You’re pregnant with Lucifer’s baby. Great, right? Wrong. You know how much he doesn’t like children. So being a responsible adult, you… lie and avoid him. Lucifer does some detective work and finds out, because of course he would.

Warnings: Unplanned pregnancy, angst, language, talk of period, talk of yeast infections (just wait) 

Rating: Everyone

Word Count: 2,709 words

Note: Lots of internal dialogue in this one, with lotsa cursing. Indicated by italics. Also, part of what took so long - my first attempt at this was much less happy and required me to get into a certain mindset. The rewrite is much happier and lighter. And pregnancy fics just take more effort from me.

Note to Requestor: Thank you for requesting and your patience, nonnie! I hope you enjoy! 💕

Tags: @kittenlittle24​

It was about four in the morning and you were thankful for your natural inability to hold your bladder through the night. Lucifer didn’t seem disturbed by your getting out.

Heavy sleeper and used to it, I guess.

You slowly closed the bathroom door with a soft click and opened the cabinet just as slow. Thankful you had fixed that squeaky hinge.

Your eyes fell on the bright box in front of you and you grabbed it with trepidation - hoping your period would start and wake you from this nightmare. You opened the box quietly, swearing internally at the foil wrapping.

Why did they make these things so loud??

It wasn’t necessary. All it did was make it perfectly clear to anyone within a mile’s radius that you were taking a pregnancy test.

You paused after finally pulling it out - so on edge and nervous of making any sound Lucifer would overhear.

Nothing came from the bedroom so you got down to business.

Yuck, of course you got a little on your fingers.

Okay. All done. Now just five minutes.

God it felt like an hour.

Any bleeding?

Nope.

You checked. Still had hope even if it was a week late. You had been practically begging for your period.

You made empty promises to never complain about your period again.

You checked your phone for the hundredth time in the five minutes.

Finally.

You didn’t even pause before looking at the test.

+

Shit.

Hold up, it could be a -

Nope. Definitely a +

+ means pregnant right??

Shit shit shit.

Wait.

Could be a false positive. Those happen all the time.

Yeah, sure, your brain aka reasonable Y/N thought.

You looked into the cabinet to get another one, a different brand.

As much as you were freaking out, you realized that wasn’t the best idea. You’d wait until tomorrow.

I’m sure I’ll get my period by then and it’ll be some weird false positive...

Yeah.

You pushed the feeling in your gut down. It could be wrong.

It had to be.

1 day and 1 more positive test later...

You sat on the couch, Netflix running but not earning your attention.

You were too busy thinking at break-neck speed.

... Well he came around to liking Trixie. Becoming like an uncle to her. Now when he called her monkey it was affectionate.

And he loved and was even affectionate to baby Charlie.

So maybe he wouldn’t be mad. Or upset? Or idk disappointed?

Oh God, that would be the worst.

Wait, God!

Hey! Dad in law! Can you help out here? Take little bugger out?

I mean you helped Mary so just like say the spell backwards.

Yikes.

Let’s hope He wasn’t listening. Pretty sure that sent you straight to Hell ten times over.

Speaking of Hell, this was his fault! He’s the one with the freaking sperm!

But.... you’re the one whose body betrayed you. Apparently your uterus had too many months of preparing for a baby just for it to get torn down.

Maybe it was a fake. False positive. People get those all the time.

Across two different brands?

Ugh, shut up, reasonable Y/N.

3 days and 3 more positive tests later...

Maze you whisper-yelled through your teeth and shook your hand to get her to come over once she looked up from her spot on the barstool.

“I’m fucked.”

“Why?”

Maze asked with a suspicious look.

“I’m... fucked”, you cursed.

“You can’t tell anyone. Especially you know who.”

Maze smiled and nodded, curiosity piqued. She loved secrets.

You sighed, the omnipresent string of curses running through your head before you spoke again, taking a deep breath and spilling it all out.

“I’m like 99.999 percent sure I’m pregnant.”

You sucked in air, having to breath after saying that all so hurried also because FUCK, you just said it out loud.

Your best friend/practical sister just started at you, chewing on your lip.

She shifted on her feet.

“Are you...” she was trying to gauge you and the situation. “Happy?”

You made faces as you tried to think.

Were you?

Petrified. Anxious. Happy? Okay a little. If you weren’t worried about Lucifer’s reaction maybe you would be.

You mean, it was kinda cool you were like making life.

“Uhhhh...”

Maze nodded slowly at that. Understanding nearly perfectly well what was going on.

“I see. And you’re worried about Lucifer?”

You nodded, scared of even saying his name.

“What if he doesn’t like me like that?”, you sighed, wanting to cry.

She just stared at you, but it was no use as you had dropped your head in your hands. She waited until you lifted your head back up before speaking.

“You’re literally married.”

Oh. Right.

“Yeah but...”

She flicked you in the forehead.

“Stop being an idiot, YN.”

“What are my two favorite ladies gossiping about?”

You jumped out of your skin. Neither of you had noticed your husband/ father of your child until he stood just a foot away.

Shit shit shit.

Say something!

You looked to Maze but she was giving you nothing.

Fuck. Okay uh...

“Uh... VAGINAL ITCHING!”

Lucifer stopped himself from putting his hand on your shoulder. His face was a hilarious mixture of confusion and strange acceptance.

No one said anything so you had to go again.

“Um... yeah. Maze,” you gulped at the daggers coming from her eyes.

“I mean, I.... uh, I think I got a yeast infection.”

Lucifer nodded furrowing his eyebrows. He just turned on his feet and walked away.

Once he was out of reach, Maze snorted.

“You’re a mess! Vaginal itching??”

You buried your head in your hands once more and groaned.

— — —

When you went to bed that night Lucifer was already there.

“What have you been up to darling?”

Reading articles about how to tell your husband you’re pregnant.

“Um. Uh.... Reorganizing the closet.”

You smiled and laughed a little too loud as you realized how utterly stupid that was considering he was in the bedroom. With full view of the closet.

You blushed and tried to laugh it off.

“Sorry, babe. I’m super tired. I’ve been out of it.”

He chuckled. “That yeast infection?”, he mused.

You nodded over enthusiastically. “Yeah the uh, yeast infection.... Itchy itch!”

You cringed.

Itchy itch? Who says that??

Lucifer pursed his lips, trying so hard not to laugh at you.

“Yes, itchy itch indeed. Let me know if you need me to run to the store and get you something for that. I was planning on going out tomorrow.”

You gulped. Fear and paranoia coursing through your veins.

He nudged your shoulder.

“CVS has those chocolates you like on sale so I thought I’d pick some up.”

You sighed. A little too eagerly. Then tried to cover it up.

You couldn’t trust your words so you smiled and leaned in to kiss Lucifer.

He held your lips for an extra moment and pulled away slowly.

“I love you, Y/N” he said. Certainty and firmness evident through his tone and eyes that held yours.

You closed your eyes.

“I love you too, my angel”

— — —

You stopped as you stepped out of Lux, taking a moment to appreciate the warm LA sun hitting your skin. You closed your eyes and held your head high.

Today was going to be a good day.

Someone cleared their throat next to you and you frowned.

Or not.

Opening your eyes you saw you sister in law, Remiel.

Ah, fuck.

“Remy!” you exclaimed, trying to be excited. Like you didn’t know what was going on or why she was here.

She looked at you unamused.

“Y/N. I thought you said you used protection.”

Your face fell and you slumped. Embarrassed as Remy brought up your old conversation.

When she came down to try to take Charlie to Heaven she made a comment about expecting Lucifer to be the one to create a nymphlim.

And you of course said that you two used protection and she wouldn’t have to worry about that.

Which wasn’t a lie, you had been! You just... kinda stopped.

You laughed awkwardly.

“Yeah…” You swallowed.

“Since you’re here... am I actually…?” your throat tightened. You couldn’t say it.

In an instant your sister in law eyes softened.

“Yes,”

You nodded, looking away as you bit your lip, trying to hold back the tears from spilling onto your cheeks.

Remy came closer to you and put her hand on your shoulder.

“Hey,” she began, her voice soft and almost unfamiliar from what you knew of the hunter.

You looked up at Remy and tried to smile.

“I guess,” you sniffled. “I kept thinking it wasn’t real. That all the tests were somehow wrong.”

You shuddered out a shaky laugh, meeting her eyes quickly.

“But I guess if you’re here and you can tell...”

Remy grunted in agreement. “I can smell it clearly.”

You chuckled and looked back at her, not surprised to see her serious face. But that left after a moment to a sly smirk.

You sighed and decided to go in for a hug. After a quick flinch, Remy brought her arms loosely around you.

“You’re not mad?” You sniffled against her shoulder.

She laughed under you as she pulled away, holding you at arms length.

“No. I learned my lesson with Amenadiel. I wanted to offer my help. The child of Lucifer will be highly sought out.”

You blanched. “Sought out? Like...”

She nodded seriously. Her mood instantly changing.

“Yes, Y/N. Many will try to get ahold of your child for their own benefit.”

You just nodded back, unable to handle the situation and desperately wanting to not think about it.

Remy seemed to notice your fatigue and tried to smile again.

“But there’s no need to worry about that now!”

You smiled back, trying to relax as well.

“Well... since you’re here...”

“Remy!”

Lucifer shouted from behind you.

Your husband walked up to you both and pulled his sister in for a tight hug.

“So lovely for you to stop down. What are you doing here?”

Remy went to say - the truth. So you spoke up first. Almost drowning her out.

“I invited her for pedicures!”

“Ooh pedicures?” Lucifer turned to you with excitement.

“Yeah. Uh, Girl family bonding. Like just girls! ... Sorry uh no boys allowed.”

Luci chuckled as Remy just looked on.

“Sounds lovely.” Luci couldn’t even try to hide the love in his heart seeing his wife and sister together.

You stepped in to give him a quick peck on the cheek then back to Remy and wrapped your arm in hers.

“Bye Luci!”

There was a glimmer in his eyes as he pulled out the corvette keys from his pocket and handed them to you.

“Have fun, darling”.

You smiled up at your husband, appreciative of the act.

He gave Remy one last look before he walked back inside.

It was quiet for almost a minute before Remy broke the silence.

“You haven’t told him yet?”

You sighed and hung your shoulders.

“I’ve been meaning to but I just... I’m so scared.”

“Of what?”

You looked at her. She really did want to help.

“Hey uh, if you’re not busy. A pedicure would be nice.”

She smiled. It truly was a nice sight.

“Sure.”

— — —

After you got home and said your goodbyes to your sister in law you hummed happily, trying to not be nervous.

Thankfully Lucifer wasn’t home so you relaxed in front of the tv with a snack.

When the elevator door dinged, you jumped up as Lucifer was quite cheery.

“What’s got you all smiley, Mr. Morningstar?”

He chuckled. “Well, Mrs. Morningstar, not only did they have your chocolates on sale. I also got a coupon!”

You giggled at him. Lucifer Morningstar. The Devil himself. Clipping coupons with such eagerness like a domestic housewife.

He walked over to you and held up the bags. You gawked.

“Luci, how much chocolate did you get??”

He gave you a sly smile.

“Oh I noticed we were running low on some items so I got them as well”

He held your eyes and in that moment you knew you were caught. But you tried to play dumb.

“What stuff?”

He tilted his head at you.

“You know, darling. Pregnancy tests. You’ve gone through quite a lot these past few days.”

You felt the color drain from your face.

“Luci...”

He held up his hand and walked over to sit beside you.

“Y/N. Whatever the reason, I want you to know you don’t need to lie anymore.”

You had to look away at the intensity of his look.

“I’m the Devil. Sensing truth and lies is my thing.”

He put two fingers under your chin to make you meet his eyes.

“And even if I wasn’t. You’re a bloody awful liar. Pedicures?”

He gave you a crooked cheeky smile and you couldn’t help the groan that escaped you.

“I know. But Luci...”

He wasn’t moving to speak so you took a breath and continued.

“I thought you would be upset. I mean, other than Trixie and Charlie, you don’t really like kids. And having a kid, it would tie us together forever. And I know we’re married but it’s different? And I just...”

Your voice trailed off when you looked back up at Lucifer and saw him shaking his head.

“Y/N, my darling wife. We were tied together forever the moment I first saw you. And a child? To be honest, seeing my brother with Charlie it sparked something in me.

“And when I saw you and Remy standing together today - I hoped she was here for the same reason you had taken almost every kind of pregnancy test. And didn’t use any tampons. And didn’t eat any of your period ice cream.”

You felt the blush grow on your cheeks and bumped your head into his shoulder - trying to desperately hide your embarrassment.

“You used your detective skills on me, Morningstar?”

He laughed wholeheartedly as he wrapped his arms around you.

“You aren’t that challenging of a case, love.”

You let yourself laugh.

It shouldn’t surprise you.

Wait.

He said hoped.

Hoped.

“Luci...” you stilled under him, “You said you hoped?”

“Yes,” he said simply.

“Really?”, you said softly, so surprised by his words.

He nodded then leaned in to kiss you, saying all he needed to say with the passion and love pouring from his lips to yours.

When he pulled away you took a breath, feeling like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. Staring into the eyes of your husband, you knew his words to be true.

“You want this? A baby? Our baby?”

He smiled, lighting up at your words.

“Yes.” He shook you slightly.

“I want all the babies you’re willing to give me. Because it’s you, Y/N.”

You couldn’t help it.

Yep, time for the waterworks.

“Oh, Luci” you sobbed as you dove to hug him.

He held you tightly as he soothed your pain.

“It’s alright, love. Everything’s alright now.”

After a few minutes of crying and comfort, you sniffled and wiped your eyes. Unable to form words that could convey how you felt, you just looked at your husband, smiling softly, eyes glistening and showing relief, gratitude, and love.

He brought you back into his arms and hummed softly.

— — —

Later that night, when your limbs were intertwined between the sheets, the emotional toll of the day mixed with sleep to loosen your tongue.

“Luci... you don’t feel tied down to me??” Your voice was quiet - scared and hopeful.

“Darling.” Lucifer chuckled before he saw the seriousness on your face.

“We’re married.” He said as he stroked your cheek down to your shoulder.

“But a baby.” You nuzzled into him. “It I don’t know... it kinda ties you to someone forever.” The wetness of your eyes coming back again for what felt like the millionth time that day.

Lucifer shifted, pulling you closer to him and lifting your head so your eyes would meet his.

“Being tied to you for the rest of my life isn’t a prison, my darling - it’s a gift.”

[syrupwit]

I am having a lot of unpleasant, varied, and confusing feelings this morning, which I intend to release as kinetic energy by beating up some yeast dough. I think this is one of the great things about bread. Here's recipe.

(Adapted slightly from the Challah For Hunger basic recipe, which makes a soft, feathery, rich-tasting but not heavy loaf that is vegan if you don't do an egg wash, It was recommended to me by multiple people both online and offline, and I finally tried it out last week, the first time I have made challah in almost 10 years.)

-

Challah with Chocolate Coconut Filling

INGREDIENTS

For the bread:

- 1 tbsp active dry yeast

- 1/2 cup water, warm (100-110 degrees Fahrenheit)

- 2 tsp white granulated sugar

- 2 cups water, not too hot or too cold

- 3/4 cup white granulated sugar

- 1/2 cup coconut oil, melted, plus a small amount in reserve

- 1-1/2 tsp salt

- 6 to 8 cups all-purpose flour

- 1 egg for an egg wash, if desired

- 2 tbsp water for an egg wash, if desired

For the filling:

- About 1/4 cup coconut oil, melted

- Dash of vanilla extract

- Pinch of salt

- Sprinkle of cinnamon

- About 3/4 cup brown sugar

- About 1/2 cup finely shredded unsweetened coconut

- Handful or two of semi-sweet or dark chocolate chips

PROCEDURE

For the bread:

01. Proof the yeast by stirring it together with the 1/2 cup warm water and 2 tsp sugar and allowing it to sit for 10 minutes or until it foams. (It's fine to use instant yeast, which you don't have to proof; I just only had active yeast, so that's what I used.)

02. In a large bowl, mix water, sugar, oil, and salt until blended. Add the yeast mixture and mix more.

03. Slowly stir in 3 cups of the flour. The whole deal will be lumpy and sticky. Don't worry about it right now.

04. Slowly add 3-5 cups flour, cup by cup, until the dough is solid but not stiff. The Challah For Hunger recipe says: "Add flour until you reach the point when, if you press the dough gently with clean fingers, no dough sticks to your hands."

05. Let rest for 10 minutes.

06. Turn the dough out on a lightly floured surface and knead for 6 minutes. Punch the dough, throw it around, talk to it. (ETA: Don't punch it too hard like I did today. Ow!)

07. Return your dough to its bowl and wipe it over with the reserved coconut oil -- this will discourage it from forming a hard crust on top. Let rise in a warm place for about an hour, or until the dough doubles in size. Make sure to check on it so that it doesn't overflow the bowl.

08. (This is when you may want to prepare the filling.)

09. After your dough has risen, punch it down -- very exciting part -- and turn out onto a lightly floured surface again.

10. Divide the dough in half, then divide each of those halves into three pieces. You can use a kitchen scale if you have one during this part to make sure the portions are weighing about even.

11. For each of your six portions of dough: Get a rolling pin, or something that you can use like a rolling pin (clean smooth-sided glass of strong plastic?), and roll the dough portion out like a pizza. Put filling down the middle in a line with room around it. Roll the dough up like a jelly roll and pinch the seams closed. This was a tip from Veena Azmanov in her Easiest Challah Recipe, and it really helps make the braids smooth and pretty.

12. Once you have three strands filled and rolled up, put one down straight, and place the other two on top of it in an x. Braid by bringing one strand of the x under the central strand and then doing that with the other strand of the x. Here's an illustrative diagram I did in Paint. When you run out of braid, pinch and smooth over at the end.

13. Once you've braided one side of the challah, braid the other side. Place the braided challah on a lightly greased baking sheet while you braid your other challah.

14. Let the challot rise for about 20 minutes. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit and let the bread rise for another 20 minutes.

15. Apply the egg wash if desired. This is basically: mix up an egg with 2 tbsp water, then brush or dab onto the loaves until they are thinly coated with egg. It will give them the classic shiny look of challah. If you don't have a pastry brush, I had luck soaking a nice paper towel in the egg wash and dabbing it on.

16. Bake on lightly greased baking sheets at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 30 to 45 minutes, or until the loaf is golden brown and the bottom is solid/makes a sort of hollow noise when you knock on it.

For the filling:

01. Melt coconut oil. Mix with vanilla, salt, cinnamon, brown sugar, and shredded coconut until sandy.

02. Add chocolate chips and toss. They will probably melt. This is fine and nice.

(I did not really measure my ingredients here; it was sort of a "does this look good" thing. You could totally do something different. I wanted something that was streusel-like but not with butter, and I had the coconut and chocolate already. It didn't turn out streusel-like, but it was good.

(I bet you could add all kinds of things to a base of brown sugar + neutral oil, like crushed toasted or caramelized nuts, nut butter, dried or cooked fruit... all kinds of things. The Trail Mix Challah on the Challah For Hunger website looks really good, for example. Also I made dried fig jam recently, chopped dried figs simmered with water + sugar + honey + apple cider vinegar + balsamic vinegar + bit of vanilla, that might be nice on its own as a filling. The world is full of possibilities.)

[secrethauntedcollect]

Really Good Homemade Pizza

it’s PIZZA TIME

recipe from America’s Test Kitchen, but with better & more helpful instructions written by me

These are good pizzas, not like, “it’s a fine effort for being made at home” sort of pizza. These are Fucking Good Pizzas. No part of it is too difficult, and if you’ve never made your own pizza dough before, don’t worry! It’s easy! Even easier than bread, and bread is really easy to make.

While the time required for this recipe is 12+ hours, that’s mostly just letting the dough rest in the fridge overnight to allow its flavors to develop. The hands-on time is maybe 20 minutes, generously. If you want fucking good pizza, you gotta have a little forethought. Make the dough the night before. It comes together in like 15 minutes (and that’s with 10 minutes of wait time.)

The sauce is no-cook, saving your stovetop from getting covered in splats of tomato sauce. Just whir it together in a food processor & you’re good to go.

INGREDIENTS

makes enough for 2 pizzas

DOUGH

3 cups bread or all purpose flour 2 tsps sugar 1/2 tsp instant or rapid-rise yeast 1 1/3 cups ice water 1 TBS vegetable oil (olive is fine) 1 1/2 tsp salt

optional: ~2 tsp dried rosemary

SAUCE

1 14 oz. can whole or diced tomatoes 1 1/2 tsp olive oil 1/2 tsp red wine vinegar 2 garlic cloves 1/2-1 tsp salt (as needed, depending on if your canned tomatoes are salted or not) 1 tsp dried oregano 1/4 tsp pepper

TOPPINGS

1 oz grated parmesan (1/2 cup) 2 cups grated mozzarella a little bit of garlic powder, basil and/or more oregano dusted under the cheese

optional: whatever else you like on a pizza

INSTRUCTIONS

FOR THE DOUGH

1. Combine flour, sugar and yeast in a bowl. Slowly add water, a little at a time, and mix (with a spoon or fork) until it comes together. Let rest for 10 minutes (this lets the yeast start to act without the salt, added later, inhibiting it.)

2. Add oil and salt to dough, mix. Transfer to a lightly floured surface and knead just a little bit until smooth, maybe 1-2 minutes.

3. Shape dough into ball, place in an oiled bowl. Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least 12 hours. It can be stored for up to 3 days; the longer it’s stored, the more the flavor will develop. It might taste sort of ‘sourdoughy’ at the end of 3 days, or smell a little beer-y. That’s okay!

FOR THE SAUCE

1. Dump all sauce ingredients into a food processor and pulse until smooth, about 30 seconds. If you’re unsure about the salt, add a little, pulse, taste, and repeat until it tastes just right. Store the sauce in the fridge until you need it.

note: I swear by those fancy Muir Glen canned tomatoes. You can coupon them/get them on sale fairly easily at Target (weirdly enough). They taste fucking phenomenal. If you can get your hands on some of those, I recommend it. I can always tell the difference when I use Muir Glen canned tomatoes in a recipe.

TO BAKE

ATK wants you to use a pizza stone, which I think is one of those niche, ridiculous kitchen things to own. I certainly don’t have one. This is my method for baking, which works wonderfully. You can use a round pizza pan or a large baking sheet pan. If you don’t have anything that can accommodate a 12” pizza, you can use a smaller pan and just make two small pizzas.

1. 1 hour before baking, take the dough out of the fridge to let it rise. Divide into two sections; roll each into a ball and place on a lightly greased baking sheet. Cover with a damp towel or plastic wrap (but not too tightly). This dough doesn’t have much yeast in it, so it won’t double in size, but it will expand outward, so make sure to space them out so they have enough room.

proofing notes (important!) : you can run into proofing problems in cold seasons and climates. If you want to help your dough along, you can try putting your tray in front of a heater vent. if kids/pets are a problem, you can proof it in your oven. DO NOT turn the oven on. Just boil enough water in a kettle to

fill a standard cereal/soup bowl. Place that bowl in the bottom rack of your oven with your tray of dough on the rack above. Fill the bowl below with boiling water, then close the oven door and let proof for an hour. The water helps raise the temperature of the oven, and the steam keeps the dough moist. This always works wonderfully here in the PNW when i’m making bread in the winter.

2. Once bread is done proofing, preheat oven to 450 F. Coat one ball generously with flour and place on a floured surface. With your fingers, gently flatten into an 8” disk, then, using your hands or a roller, stretch out to 12”. It doesn’t have to be perfectly round, and if you have a narrow cutting board, a rectangle-ish pizza is perfectly fine as well.

3. Pour 1/2 cup of sauce into the centre of the dough, then spread out evenly with the back of a spoon. Cover with 1/4 cup of grated parmesan. If you want, you can shake some garlic powder, basil, italian herbs or more oregano over the cheese for some extra flavor. I did this & it was very tasty. Then sprinkle 1 cup of shredded mozzarella. Add additional toppings, if using.

4. Bake in the oven for about 10 minutes at 450. Some of the cheese should be getting golden, and it might look “pretty much done” but trust me…. it’s not. We want GOOD done. We want beautiful. We want to turn the fucking broiler on.

*this next step uses the broiler, so the technique may be slightly different depending on your oven*

5. Very carefully remove pizza from oven. Take middle rack and put it right under the broiler, then turn the broiler on. Return pizza to oven, nestling it right under that top heating element. Set a timer for THIRTY SECONDS. Yes that it’!! Cook it in 30 second intervals until it’s as golden as you like. Yes, just 30 seconds. You can really really quickly burn stuff under the broiler. You might burn some pepperoni edges this way (but isn’t that super tasty??)

6. Once the top’s looking good, take it out. Let rest 5 minutes before devouring.

Any other notes?

You can freeze half this recipe really easily. Once the dough has proofed, wrap one ball tightly in cling film and place in the freezer. It’ll keep for 3 months. Leftover sauce can likewise be frozen in a tupperware (make sure there’s not a lot of headroom, this can cause frostbite.) Even left over cheese can be frozen. 

The cheese pizza I made up there came out to using about $3 worth of ingredients. Maybe just a little under $3, because I coupon a lot and buy as much from the bulk section as I can. That’s cheaper than a frozen pizza and it tastes as good as your locally owned, mom&pop, really fucking nice pizza that costs ~$20

[mrgan]

Neven’s Pan Pizza

Pan pizza is the best pizza you can make in a typical home oven. It’s also a style that’s tricky to find in restaurants (though it’s becoming more popular.) That means you should make it, and I’m here to help. This is my simple, flexible, delicious recipe.

(Before we begin, have you seen my thin-style pizza recipe? It’s a good idea to read it even if you’re here primarily for the pan pie.)

Neven’s Pan Pizza

Servings: one 9 x 13” (or 10 x 14”) pizza Time: 3.5 hours (mix and proof) + 1 to 3 days (fridge-ferment) + 6 hours (final proof) + 25 to 40 minutes (shape, top, and bake)

INGREDIENTS:

175 g all-purpose flour

75 g high-gluten or bread flour (or all-purpose flour)

5 g (2%) salt

50 g (20%) ripe sourdough starter, fed and doubled and ready

200 g (80%) water

~2 tbsp olive oil

DIRECTIONS:

Put all the dry ingredients into the bowl of a stand mixer outfitted with the dough hook and stir with a spatula to combine. Add the starter and about 2/3 of the water. Start the mixer on low speed and mix for 1 minute; add the rest of the water, and mix for 4 more minutes. Switch to medium speed and mix for another 5 minutes. If at any point the dough threatens to crawl out of the bowl, stop the mixer and scrape the mess back down into the bowl. The dough will be wet and sticky—not to worry, that’s what 80% hydration looks like.

Scoop the dough out into a new bowl (wider, shallowe, preferably non-metal.) Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and let the dough rest in a warm spot for 3 hours. (70–74°F? An oven that was on for two minutes before being turned off is a good environment.) Every 30 minutes or so, fold the dough—just go around the edge of the dough with a flexible spatula and fold the outside in, like a scared starfish. You’re just trying to redistribute the dough to make it nice and smooth.

Grab a 9x13 nonstick sheet pan, with sides at least 1.5″ tall. (See below for a list of my preferred equipment.) Pour in 1.5 tbsp olive oil—about two glugs—and spread it around. (If your pan is truly nonstick, you don’t have to be thorough here; if it’s not, cover every damn millimeter with oil. Not a lot of oil, just complete coverage.) After the 3 hours have passed, move the dough into the pan. Gently scrape it into the middle of the pan, then flip the dough over so both sides are oiled. Flatten it just a tad and leave it alone. It won’t come close to filling the pan, and that’s ok. Now’s the time for it to go to sleep in the cold: cover your pan tightly and move it to a fridge shelf for 1-3 days.

6 hours before baking, remove the pan from the fridge and set it on the counter.  Feel free to sneak a peak at the dough: it looks about the same, yeah? Now watch it spread out and blow small bubbles in the coming hours, especially if you give it a nice, warm environment again. 

Preheat your oven at 500ºF for at least half an hour, with your rack somewhere around the lower middle; all ovens vary, so adjust as needed after you see your finished pie’s top and bottom bakes.

To stretch the dough: uncover the pan and oil your fingers with the olive oil pooled in the corners. Now gently dimple the dough and watch for bubbles—cool, yeah? Spread it softly from the middle, grabbing the dough corners and lifting them into the pan corners if needed. Your dough will be very soft and may seem uneven, but don’t sweat it; just patch any holes without massaging the dough too much. 

Topping time! Please place on your pizza whatever you like. Pan pies generally work better with cheese on the bottom. Also, try not to overtop it because that fluffy, fluffy dough needs to be able to rise—too much weight on top will prevent it from doing so. Remember that you can add a lot of stuff after baking—including tomato sauce!

So, line the dough with cheese. My preference is to use sliced mozzarella or provolone, though shredded or cubed will also work. Add extra cheese into the corners of the pan, so it bakes up into an irresistible cheese crust. Spoon cooked tomato sauce on top (in a hip diagonal pattern if you want to look fashionable on Instagram) and add any other toppings.

Bake for 12-16 minutes, rotating half way through. Watch the pie carefully in the last few minutes. Oh, did I mention—crank your vent hood because the cheese will burn and smoke, beautifully so.

When your pizza looks good enough to elope and start a new life in Mexico with, pull it out using decent oven mitts. Give it a minute to come to its senses, then go around the rim with a thin, non-scratchy tool—like a plastic knife or a small spatula—to release the cheese and sauce from the pan. It shouldn’t be much of a struggle if you used a good pan. Now dexterously slip an offset spatula or a burger flipper under one (narrow) side of the pizza and transfer it to a cooling rack.

If you’re feeling particularly naughty, shower the finished pie with finely grated parmesan cheese. I won’t tell anyone.

Give your pizza 5 minutes to rest—ok, ok, you have my permission to cut it after 2 minutes. Move to a cutting board and have at it with a large, sharp knife. 

- - - END OF RECIPE - - - - - -  ADDITIONAL INFORMATION AND ANECDOTES BELOW - - -

Just a reminder that my thin-style pizza recipe has more info about technique and ingredients and such, and I’m not going to repeat it all here like an aging musician running out of inspiration and covering their heyday hits to pander to the old fans.

Questions? Comments?

I don’t even have a sourdough, man.

It’s like, month three of quarantine—what have you been doing with your time?

Alright, alright. 

Neven’s Pan Pizza for Non-sourdough Folks Who Nevertheless Deserve Our Love and Respect

Servings: one 9 x 13 (or 10 x 14) pizza Time: 3.5 hours (mix and proof) + 1 day (fridge-ferment) + 2 hours (final proof) + 25 to 40 minutes (shape, top, and bake)

INGREDIENTS:

175 g all-purpose flour

75 g high-gluten or bread flour (or all-purpose flour)

5 g (2%) salt

3 g (~1%) instant yeast (half a package thingy)

200 g (80%) water

DIRECTIONS:

Stir all the dry ingredients well in a large bowl, then add the yeast and water and stir again, using a silicone or wood spatula. When it starts coming together, pour in the olive oil and work it in. No need to get it smooth; just mix until there’s no dry flour on the bottom. Cover tightly with plastic wrap.

Every 30 minutes in the next 2 hours, fold it: slide the spatula under one side and fold it over toward the middle. Do 4-6 folds like this in one session. No need to be picky about the 30-minute timing, just shoot for 2-4 fold sessions in the first few hours of proofing, to distribute everything well.

Cover and leave out at room temperature for 12-18 hours. Just go to bed, don’t worry about it. You’ve worked hard all day.

The next day, the dough should look huge and bubbly. Does it? Oh, good. Now proceed with the above recipe from the pan-oiling step: move it to a pan, give it 1-2 hours to relax, stretch it, etc.

But I don’t have a stand mixer.

(I couldn’t find a gif of Donald Pleasance in Wake in Fright (1971) so this still image will have to do.)

Look, it’s fine. Read the above no-sourdough steps. No mixer needed. You can just do that, even when using sourdough—maybe halve the amount of sourdough starter. (It’s potent stuff.)

And now, a chaser for that hot hot image above.

Shop Talk

My attorneys have advised me to disclose that the links below include my referral code, which will make me even filthier rich than I am currently. (How rich am I? I make my own pizza, that’s how rich.)

LloydPans Detroit Style Pizza Pan. These are just tremendous—wonderfully made, perfectly nonstick, stackable. Ideal for pan pizza, focaccia, and many other bakes.

Detroit Style Pizza Pan Lid. Not at all required, but if you get serious about this pan pizza business, the lids are great because they’re reusable and they let you stack several pans in the fridge. (Note that you can bake two of these pizzas side by side in a typical oven. That’s what I do. Yes, it’s because I eat one whole pizza myself.)

Cooling rack. I can’t stress enough the importance of cooling and resting your pizza—thin or thick, before it’s had a chance to release all that steam, it’s still kind of a wet mess of a casserole. 

The End

I realize some folks still think that thin vs. thick is an interesting pizza debate to be having in the 2020s, but I hope they can move on and get into all the pizza styles out there. Pan pies are so good. See for yourself.

[changelingvixen]

Part 4

She looked at the finished dishes, a few hours later. Yes – she was happy enough. She’d made the curd from scratch and although there wasn’t time to make real Knights’ Bread, which needed overnight rising, she’d used baking powder instead of yeast to get a quick rise and it looked good. She’d signed the sachertorte with lemon sugar icing and although there was plenty to worry about – was there enough curd under the chocolate? Too late to tell now. Would they dislike the yeastless bread? Would the quiche be too eggy? She’d layered the vegetables in a swirly pattern in the top so it looked good. She suspected Royse knew as well as she herself did that food really was a many-sense experience, and visuals were also part of it. For that reason she wasn’t going to cut the Sachtertorte either; she’d serve it with plates, a jug of lemon cream and knives for them to cut their own slices and not ruin the smooth, glossy chocolate.

For a mad moment she wondered if she should have dyed some of it blue, and bit down on the giggle rising in her throat. Breathe – calm down. What happens if they hate it? You’ve lost nothing expect some pride and you didn’t have much of that anyway. You can get Apple and pack up and go back to Gridania and never think of this again. To her surprise, she didn’t want to do that, though. She liked the friendly Latool Ja and his companion, Gaheel Ja, another beastman living in the heart of Ul’Dah. Getting a free room and board was a nice perk. Royse seemed like a decent boss. And there was a strange sense of…well – glamour, excitement – about the place. It was somewhere between a bar and a circus – well, a Carnivale - and she wanted to see the magic. She was curious, she’d admit it to herself. Her skin prickled with nerves when she remembered she was serving to her boss and the star of the show. What was he like, this showman mage? She’d probably never have to see him face to face again, anyway, which was a relief, but she’d like to watch the show, anyway. It felt, for the first time, like a contribution to something greater, something vivid and fun and enjoyable.

A consummate businesswoman like Royse would have laughed at that – that she wasn’t seeing beneath the surface, that she was acting, in essence, like a customer, all google eyes at the show, but she’d never been up close and personal with anything like this. The theatre. The colour. It felt…unique. She’d never really been to much organised entertainment, because going alone was so dismal, but even the passing street bards hadn’t felt like this. She could see why the place was popular.

By the time the doorman – Ocher Mountain – had put a head around the door to say Royse was ready for the starter, she was feeling panicky, her heart galloping. I shouldn’t care this much. But she did. She couldn’t turn it off. Think of Apple. Breathe, for heavens’ sakes. This won’t even have been the most humiliating thing that would have happened to you. She ground fresh black pepper over the bowls of soup and clenched her fists for a moment to stop them trembling, then picked up the tray, licked her lower lip and walked carefully behind Ocher to the dining room.

Royse was there, and another doorman she hadn’t met yet, who raised a scornful eyebrow at her small shaky figure. Ignore it. You’ve had worse. Royse gave her an expectant look. Expectation was fine. The last guest was the Blue Mage himself.

He gave her a big gamin grin. She nearly dropped the tray and, cheeks a hideous and humiliating red, turned her eyes back to Royse. Oh yes, that was definitely a showman. He was attractive, although he wasn’t exactly classically handsome – although he had lovely golden eyes – but he had charisma. It unsettled her instantly. She wasn’t used to having megawatt smiles pointed in her direction. Her eyes must have looked pleading or at least confused, as she stood there rooted to the spot like an idiot, because Royse smiled a little too, trying to be kind. It said a lot that she’d rather face her potential boss’ face than his. Even out of the nice suit, in normal clothes, her had something she couldn’t quite look too long at.

She wished she’d eaten something herself before this to stave off the dizzy feeling.

“The name’s Martyn,” he said, as if he didn’t notice her discomfiture or at least was politely ignoring it. “I’m the resident Blue Mage.” She felt, rather than saw him smiling again.

“Pleased to meet you,” she said on autopilot, because her parents had drilled manners into her. For a moment she thanked them because without the mental memory she would have just stood there, mouth flapping like a fish.

“My name is Sthalmhas,” said the Roe in the doorman’s suit. He neither looked not sounded impressed and that was somehow reassuring. It felt normal, it brought some semblance of realism to the moment. She inclined her head towards him in a half-bow, her limp hands clutching the tray harder.

“Let’s have the soup, then, darling,” trilled Royse – at least someone was excited. She chewed the insides of her cheeks hard to settle herself and, avoiding everyone’s eyes, placed the tray down and served the bowls.

“This smells great!” Royse enthused, and she flushed again. Perhaps she could beg Ocher to serve the other courses while she paced in the kitchen. But they hadn’t dismissed her, so she had to stand there and watch the floor and listen to them eat and chatter to each other between bites, wishing the sands under the building would somehow rise up and consume her.

“I’m surprised,” she heard the biting voice of Sthalmhas, low and mildly…well, not disgusted. “I wasn’t expecting much.”

“I was,” said Royse, smugly. “I thought you darlings would know better than to doubt my skill at finding talent by now. After all, I found you two, didn’t I?” The Roe snorted.

He was saying something now, something jokey and complimentary, and she forced herself to not focus on the words. She got the feeling he was still looking at her, but she kept her eyes trained determinedly on the floor.

Her mind filtered out the rest of the talk until Ocher touched her gently on the shoulder. She nearly leapt a malm.

“Let’s go get the main course, eh?” he suggested, and she nearly melted with relief.

“Do…are you able to serve it, please?” she asked, trying not to sound like she was begging, as they walked back to the kitchen. “While I tidy up the torte?”

He smiled gently and compassionately. “Of course,” he said. If she’d been a different person, and perhaps if they hadn’t just met, she would have hugged him. “Ms Royse can be a little overwhelming but she’s fair, and she’s kind. Don’t worry.”

She wanted to laugh. She wondered what he’d say if she told him Ms Royse was not the problem here. Her heart was still racing so hard she could physically feel it in her throat, smashing a miserable rhythm up and down her body. What was this? Did she really want this job any more? A wild urge to just run out of the Celestium, never to return, gripped her. She could grab Apple and escape. They’d almost definitely never find her. They would get the main course and the tarte for free and she’d never, ever think of those sparkling golden eyes ever again. You literally know nothing about this man – any of these people! You’re not stupid. Stop this at once. A little internal scorn and shouting calmed her down to the point where she could hand the quiche to the amazing, life saving Ocher Mountain, who smiled at her again – the one age group that had always had some time for her had been older people, who apparently thought of her as some sort of misbegotten grandchild – and took the food to be served.

“Is the chef alright?” Latool Ja peered around the kitchen door at her as she stood wringing her hands. “The chef looked unhappy. Latool Ja thinks the food looked excellent.”

She mustered a faint grin. She’d had more positive attention from the folk here than she had in Gridania for literal years. It was ridiculous.

“I’m fine,” she assured the Mamool Ja, willing it to be true. He smiled.

“People here are nice. Martyn is very silly sometimes but a good friend. Martyn taught us Blue Magic, too. He brought us to stay here and made Royse let us live here too and keep learning. Even grumpy Sthalmhas is good person.”

“Oh good,” she said faintly. She could have done without hearing that. Being told he was a nasty person, arrogant, rude, something, anything, would have gone a long way to squashing this inexplicable idiot – hormone feeling. Because that, obviously, was what it was. Her body was stupid and so was her heart.

She didn’t believe in love, let alone at first sight. Crushes on stablehands as a younger woman had left her disappointed and embarrassed, even though she didn’t act upon them. As if the men sensed her burgeoning affection, they went out of their way to mock her. The nicer ones her stupid heart had decided were pleasant had the kindness to simply ignore her. In Limsa she’d smugly decided she’d grown out of being attracted to anyone because it was pointless. Loneliness was a state to learn to live with, and keeping her foolish heart safe was the only way to not be hurt. She’d never felt this monstrous backhand of instant attraction before. She loathed it. Being told he was a decent person as well – who clearly didn’t discriminate against beastmen either – did not help in the slightest.

Maybe there’s still time to ruin the torte, she mused. Then I definitely won’t get hired and I can just leave. But the professional in her couldn’t do that.

Latool Ja was looking at her curiously. “I’m fine, really,” she assured the kind beastman.

“If the chef says so,” he said dubiously, but he left her alone.

Ocher Mountain was her next visitor, and he was delighted. “They loved it,” he told her. “Have to say, I’d be happy to try any leftover cake.” He grinned at the sachertorte. The food. If they have anything positive to think of you, it’s because of the food. Remember that.

That grounded her a bit. “You’re welcome to it!” she managed a weak smile for him, loading up the tray with the cream jugs and plates. “I thought - they could cut their own pieces so they can see the whole thing.”

“Good plan,” the Roe said, balancing the tray gracefully. “You sure you don’t want to serve?”

“If you…um. If you don’t mind…” she mumbled, but he nodded.

“Not a problem. Ms Royse wasn’t bothered, so it’s all good.” He tipped her a small salute with his free hand and disappeared with the sachertorte.

Latool Ja came back in to apparently keep her company, or perhaps just because Royse had him on call as the candidate minder.

“So, you know Blue Magic?” she managed, trying to make small talk. The Mamool Ja nodded.

“A little bit. Gaheel Ja and Latool Ja are learning, although also are sidekicks for show sometimes. Before working here,” he laughed. “Helped Martyn sell job crystals and demonstrate blue magic. Not entirely honest but needed money to help people and not starve.” He grinned. “Martyn mean well and is good salesman and showman but not always totally honest with adventurers.” He waved a hand. “Is also adventurers’ own faults. They not read Blue Magic Spellbook properly.”

“Oh?” she said, and he settled in, leaning against the wall to tell her the story of how they’d first come to Gridania, via near-arrest for slightly dodgy sales techniques.

She gave a small laugh. Well, at least he wasn’t perfect, then. That helped somehow, knowing there was a solid reason to not trust the man. With a smile like that, she instinctively knew not to, anyway. Nobody who smiled like that would be kind to her for its own sake. But she wasn’t naïve enough to buy a dream from him like the adventurers had. She knew when good looking men smiled at her, they were expecting to mess her over in some way, and she might be unattractive but she wasn’t stupid. It helped, to harden her heart a bit. His face had been so open back at the table, his eyes interested and kind. It was good to know that was a lie.

“Yellowjacket think it was for own greed, but that not true. Latool Ja and Gaheel Ja also think so at first until found out real reason. Martyn not tell us. Martyn think he can solve own problems,” the Mamool Ja continued. “Martyn want to help sick friends by buying expensive cure and learn more about Blue Magic. Let people think was greedy and conman, but that is not true. Not really.” He shook his head. “Latool Ja think Martyn very clever and very good mage, but also very stupid sometimes. Latool Ja and Gaheel Ja would help Martyn if Martyn had asked.”

“Oh,” she said, wishing she had a way to say anything more than one neutral syllable. He sounded complicated. She could believe that, this man with the public face and the private, man behind a mask. It sounded like something she herself would have done, if she was honest with herself. Telling the truth left you open to hurt. Not that he would think like that – he wouldn’t need to, not someone like him – but presumably he had his reasons for things. Suddenly weary, she sat down on the kitchen stool, rubbing her eyes. Why did she care? She wished Apple was here, wishing she could breathe in the familiar, safe scent of the ‘bo’s feathers and hear his reassuring ‘kweh’.

“Royse kind to take us all on and help get medicine, though!” Latool Ja continued. “Everyone here nice. Chef will like working here.”

“I might not get hired,” she said dully. But her companion shook his head.

“Food best Latool Ja seen in Crystarium, including Royse’s delivered food!”

She gave a lopsided smile, shrugging a shoulder. “Ah. Well. Thank you. I like food. Cooking is fun. It’s…it makes sense.”

The Mamool Ja opened his mouth to reply, but Ocher Mountain knocked at the door.

“They’re all finished now,” he said. “And ready to see you!”

He waved her out, and she forced herself to stand and follow the Roe, not even managing to respond to Latool Ja’s goodbye wave.

Please just be Royse. Please send me away. Don’t hire me. Don’t look at me, don’t look in my eyes with those eyes, like I’m…like I’m valid. Like I’m worthy of your attention. Just…don’t ever be near me again. I’ve enough to think about and deal with.  

[magmasliveblogs]

1.06

ok the irl stuff is finally dealt with! that took longer than i expected. to recap, in the last chapter erin still has a horrible infected hand, discovered and then accidentally broke some magic keeping some food fresh, discovers the skeleton in her attic/second floor is gone, and killed a goblin thus scaring off a war party.  

Erin woke up with her back against the inn’s front door. Her neck was aching and her hand was burning. It was morning.

“Ow.”

She held her hand. It was hurting—

“Feels like it’s worse than yesterday. Which is probably my imagination.”

She sat cradling her hand for a full minute. Then she remembered why she was sitting there and shot to her feet.

“Skeleton? Goblins.”

Where was it? Erin stood up and hobbled over to a table. There. Two daggers on the tabletop.

“At this rate I’m going to start a collection.”

Erin mumbled to herself as she poked one of the hilts with a finger. But it proved she hadn’t been dreaming.

“No skeleton? No problem. I hope.”

i swear i did not know this first part of the chapter would make my whole recap useless 

“What’s that smell?”

Something smelled really bad. And it was coming from the kitchen. The instant Erin opened the door she groaned aloud.

The fish lay on the cutting board, covered in dry blood and reeking in the sunlight. It stank. Actually, it smelled worse than a stink.

“This. This is disgusting.”

Erin stared at the fish for a few more seconds. She had absolutely no desire to touch it. On the other hand…

A few black things crawled out of the fish’s mouth. Erin stared at the small things, gagged, and then ran outside before she hurled. That was the start of her day.

knowing this world those probably arent your average scavenger bugs 

How do you get rid of a fish? Erin put it outside on the ground and stared at it.

“I could bury it. If I had a shovel. And I could burn it. If I had a way to make fire. Or…I could leave it over there.”

She walked for about fifteen minutes before she was sure she was far enough away from the inn. Then Erin unceremoniously dumped the rotting fish off the cutting board.  That was a mistake.

As the fish hit the ground it exploded. Something inside of it broke or squished, and suddenly a host of little black and green insects exited the fish’s body from every orifice. Erin took one look, screamed, and ran. She was getting good at it.

well this got exponentially worse 

It took her a long time before she found the courage to return. And even then, it was just to run in, grab the cutting board and leg it to the stream.

“Ew, ew, ew.”

Erin thrust the plank of wood in the water and watched fish guts and insects sweep away into the current.  It wasn’t the dead fish she objected to. Well, not as much as the live bugs that clung stubbornly to the wood.

“You. Get off.”

The tenacious fly seemed to have the strength of ten bugs because it refused to let the current drag if off. It was black with a green butt—abdomen, and looked like nothing Erin had ever seen before.

“Another weird creature. Wonderful.”

Reluctantly she looked closer. Know thy enemy, right? She supposed she should also know her bug.

“That’s definitely a bug. And it’s really ugly.”

Swish. Swish. The bug clung to the wet wood despite Erin’s best attempts to shake it off.

“…Why’s it got four legs? I thought bugs had six.”

Annoyed, Erin finally pulled the cutting board out of the water. The insect fanned its wings as she stared at it. It was really mostly like a beetle, except that its backside was glowing green. A cross between a freaky firefly and a beetle. Better than a cockroach, but there was only one way to deal with bugs like that.

Erin curled her finger and gave the bug a damn good flick. It exploded.

The insect’s green abdomen burst into a splatter of green liquid as the rest of it flew off into the stream. Erin blinked as the green liquid covered the cutting board and splashed into the water.

Some of it landed on Erin’s arm.

“Ahh! Owowowowowow!”

Her arm plunged into the water. It was an instinctive reaction but it made the pain vanish. Still, Erin frantically scrubbed at the spot until all of the burning pain had gone.

“Acid flies. Okay, that’s completely wrong.”

knew it! those things are disgusting and i would never want to encounter them. also as i said, things keep getting worse! 

Her skin was red and sore from the brief contact with acid, but she was fine. Nevertheless, she washed both her body and the cutting board until she felt completely clean. This was less fun  because Erin was also watching out for strange shadows in the water.

“Great. My hand hurts, and now my arm hurts.”

Erin stared at the dead fish as she walked back to the inn. The fish’s body was swarming with those little acid flies. They were probably laying eggs in it or something equally fun.

Briefly, Erin considered dragging the fish into the stream and letting all the buggers drown. Then she considered what would happen if all the flies landed on her and exploded.

“Right. Well, there’s only one thing to do in a situation like this.”

Erin raised first one, then both her middle fingers. Her injured right hand hurt like fire, but it still made her feel better.

“That’s for all of you.”

Then she went back to the inn.

its the little things that count 

“I really should have brought a bucket.”

Erin stared at the ingredients lined up on the kitchen counter. Her stomach was rumbling, and she was in the mood for food. But she didn’t really want another breakfast, lunch, and dinner of blue fruit. Today she was in the mood for bread. Freshly baked bread.

Unfortunately that required water. And Erin really didn’t want to walk to the stream and back with a heavy bucket. But she needed water. She knew that. Somehow.

Was it instinct? Erin frowned and knocked on her skull. She had never made food, not really. Well, she’d made Mac and Cheese and instant ramen but that didn’t count. And that went for microwaves and ovens too. So why did she know that to make bread she needed flour, oil, salt, sugar, yeast, and some water? It had to be magic.

Or a skill.

“[Basic Cooking], huh?”

if [basic cleaning] made it so you can clear a full floor of an inn of dust in an afternoon, i assume [basic cooking] contains the cooking knowledge you could find in your basic cookbook? 

“Let’s see. Frying pan? No. Tongs? No. A saw? Why does a kitchen need a saw?”

Erin set the small handsaw aside and squinted. Behind that was something she hadn’t quite figured out. Well, two things. It was a rock and something else. Something weird.

“Is that…a horseshoe?”

No. It was way too small to be a horseshoe, and the wrong shape. Unless this world had really weird, small horses that was. But even then, why have horseshoes in a kitchen?

“Unless they ate horses.”

Erin stared at the horseshoe-thing. She stared at the rock. Slowly she slid the rock along the fire striker and watched sparks fly.

“Huh. So that’s what flint and steel looks like. It actually does look like Minecraft!”

Erin paused. She sighed and slapped herself gently.

“I’m an idiot.”

fire achieved! 

In the end, Erin let the fire burn while she went to get water. The fireplace was stone, and the kitchen was stone. The odds of a stray spark walking all the way to the common room was remote. Still, she felt uneasy.

“This is how it starts, right? You leave the fireplace on while you go on a vacation for a few days and the next thing you know, your inn’s burned down. A classic cautionary tale.”

its happened before and it will happen again! where there is fire and inattention there will be a worse fire soon! 

Erin sighed as she walked along. She wondered again how much trouble she was really in. After all, she had just started a fire, true, but that was pretty basic even for primeval humans. What could—

A patch of green moved in the grass ahead of her. Erin stared at it. Was it part of the grass? It raised its head and stared back. It wasn’t the grass it all. It was—

Something exploded out of the grass. Erin screamed, flailed wildly with her bucket and fell over. The gigantic bird with leather wings and a beak longer than her arm took off into the sky with an ear-piercing screech.

“Oh. Oh wow.”

Erin sat on the ground and stared.

“Is that a…pterodactyl? No way.”

It looked like it. And while Erin was only really seeing it’s rapidly disappearing backside, the bird had a certain…non-feathery quality to it. However, where the ancient dinosaur-birds Erin had seen in museum pictures were brown and plain, this bird had been a light green with red markings.

“Camouflaged dinosaurs. Now I’ve really seen everything.”

everything so far is either out to kill her or a plant 

Erin shook her head and got back up. She brushed off her dirty t-shirt and jeans.

“Gotta wash these sometime. But that means I’ll be walking around naked. Is that an issue? And what’s that smell?”

Something smelled truly terrible. Erin covered her nose and frowned. She cast around for the source of the smell. It was on the ground somewhere. She walked ten steps and found a nest.

“Huh. I guess without many trees birds get lazy. But what a big nest. And what’s that inside—”

Erin took one look inside the nest and covered her mouth. She gagged and took a few deep breaths.

“Okay. At least I know where all the normal birds go. Inside the dinosaur-birds.”

Averting her eyes from the grisly remains, Erin turned to go. She took two steps and tripped.

“Ow.”

She got up, cradled her injured hand a bit and wished for the world to explode. Or just her. Then she squatted down to look at what she’d tripped over.

“Eggs?”

and so we are on our way to other foods! we now have a sustainable supply of blue fruit and eggs! 

“People used to do this every day? This is why plumbing was invented, you know. Who puts a stream so far from an inn? What happened to a good well?”

She kept grumbling until she reached the inn. Once there, Erin had to lean against the door and pant like a dog for a while before she felt better. She noticed a sign hanging next to her nose and squinted at the faded lettering.

“Huh. ‘Closed?’ Is that English?”

It wasn’t English. The lettering was distinctly not-English. But Erin understood in nonetheless.

“Freaky. But convenient. Who needs Google Translate when you’ve got magic-weirdness?”

And at least it confirmed Erin’s suspicions.

“This was an inn once. But someone abandoned it.”

She tapped her lips thoughtfully and narrowed her eyes at the hanging sign. The rope was frayed and worn, but it was still in pretty good shape.

“…Well, finders keepers.”

not like theres anyone around to challenge you on that. well the goblins might but they could have taken over the inn a while back 

Bread took a while to bake. Bread needed to rise and do all kinds of complicated yeasty-stuff according to her [Basic Cooking] skill. And to be fair, that was about all she could make with the ingredients at hand. Not much you could do with a bit of flour, right? But eggs? Eggs changed everything.

Erin’s stared at the flour. She stared at the butter and salt. Then she stared at the eggs. Her eyes narrowed.

“Forget bread. It’s pasta time.”

im tempted to make a mario joke, italian mafia lead by goblins joke, or something else, but i cant think of a punch line 

“Oh. Oh god. Why are there red lines—?”

Erin covered her mouth.

“It was alive. There was a baby inside.”

Her stomach lurched. But there was nothing to throw up. Erin took a few deep breaths and tried to think.

“Right. Normal eggs actually hatch. Right. This isn’t a store so of course they’ve be living—but they must be new eggs. Not full of half-born chickens, right?”

She stared at the rest of the eggs. Right?

modern ideas about not killing things to survive. your ancestors would point and laugh 

To her credit, Erin barely hesitated when she grabbed the sharp knife again. But she did take the time to wash the blood off before she began slicing. And though it took her a bit longer to cut everything since she worked with one hand and tried to keep all her digits out of the knife’s path, she eventually had a pile of long stringy noodles ready to be boiled.

Erin held the first batch of raw noodles over the boiling water in the pot.

“Double double, boil and trouble…into the pot you go.”

The noodles fell in with a large splash. Erin yelped and jumped away.

“Hot!”

When she was finished calling herself an idiot, Erin sat back and waited. The noodles wouldn’t take that long. Then she could add some more butter, a little more salt, and feast. It was a good plan.

“Too bad I don’t have something refreshing to drink as well. A nice glass of juice would go down great. But y’know, it’s not like I…can…”

Erin stood up. She walked back into the common room and looked around.

The pile of blue fruits was right where she had left them. Erin’s eyes narrowed as she looked at them. She stroked her chin in thought.

“Blue juice?”

She shook her head.

“Nah. Bluefruit juice? That’s more like it.”

safety first! also this meal sounds good 

“Who knew carrying stuff with one hand was so much of a pain? I mean, everything’s a pain.”

The pasta was nice and hot. Erin felt her stomach rumbling. But something still felt off. And pain was still present.

“But it’s a better day, right? A bit of a better day.”

Erin stared at the plate. Pasta, check. Fork, check. Juice, check.

She sighed. A smile tried to climb onto her face. Her hand throbbed, but Erin kept the smile up and raised her fork. She was going to eat until she puked. Okay, maybe until she was just full. She raised the first glistening noodle to her lips.

Knock, knock.

Without thinking Erin stood up and went to the door.

“Hi, can I help you?”

A giant insect stood in the doorway. It raised one feeler in greetings and opened its mandibles.

“Greetings. May we come in?”

well we have a.. person? bug? seemingly civilized being?  

either way thats the end of the chapter! will erin survive this encounter? will she get to eat her pasta? is this bug related to the settlement erin forgot about? will erin freak out? will these endings ever become less cheesy? find out tomorrow! 

if i havent posted within 24 hours assume i have been attacked by goblins riding giant talking bugs and am seeking shelter in an abandoned castle

[faceted-tourmaline]

Adrinette April Day 4: Hide Me

Chapter 2: Bread Is Bread 

ao3

Marinette was standing at her bedroom door, conflicted.

She had been adament about letting the disasterously attractive (even in his sleep) guy on her couch sleep as long as he needed to, but it was starting to push into the afternoon.

'It's probably not good for him to sleep the entire day away,' Tikki hissed at her from her shirt collar.

'But what if he really needs it? He just looked so exhausted when he came in last night,' Marinette stressed. 'I don't know if I could. If he's really only here to rest and recoup, shouldn't we let him do that?'

Tikki hummed, looking at the mess of blonde hair. 'Why don't you give it a bit longer, and if he doesn't wake up by himself by then, then do it? He'll need to rehydrate, and eat something, if nothing else.'

Marinette frowned slightly, before moving to tiptoeing past him.

Yet right as she passed him, she hit the coffee table, causing him to shift.

'No, Nathalie, I can't wear that,' he mumbled, 'it's a fish.' He buried his face into the cushion. 'Not for the school dance,'

Marinette was intrigued, yet in her haste to get her balance she stumbled, and landed on the couch next to him.

'I can't, I don't want to embarrass Lady-' His eyes snapped open at the motion, and he sat up, blinking. '-bug?'

Marinette flushed to her roots, jumping back to her feet.

Adrien looked around, before looking up at her.

His hair was mussed, reminding her strikingly of Chat's, his clothes rumpled, and his cheeks were flushed from a heavy sleep. He raised one hand to rub at his face. 'What time is it?'

Hell, if she didn't want to kiss him right then and there.

A tiny nudge from her collar brought her back to reality. 'Oh, um, it's, nearly one.'

He stared at her blankly for a moment, before frowning. 'Really?? Wow, I'm so sorry,'

'You don't need to apologise,' Marinette flapped at him. 'You obviously needed it. Are you feeling alright?'

He rubbed one eye, before pausing, and his shoulders slumped slightly, like he'd taken on a heavy weight. He smiled brightly up at her, one she didn't believe for a second. 'Yeah, thanks for asking. Can I use your bathroom?'

She nodded, gesturing to the door, and he sprang to his feet.

As soon as the door closed, Tikki flew out and landed on her shoulder.

'Maybe he's stressed from work?' Marinette questioned, looking at the closed door.

Tikki shook her head. 'I think there's something else at play.' There was a hint to her tone that Marinette missed. 'It's good of you to let him stay.'

'Of course, Tikki. I wasn't going to turn him away!' She turned towards the kitchenette. 'Before anything else, he's my friend. I'll do anything I can for my friends.'

Tikki eyed her. 'It's not because you have that massive crush on him?'

Marinette coloured, before opening the coffee container. 'It's not to do with that at all.'

Tikki pulled a face at her. She floated over to the cookie jar, flipped open the lid and took a cookie.

However when Marinette went for the milk, Tikki went for the cheese.

'Cheese, Tikki? That's unusual,' Marinette noticed.

'Oh, yeah, uh, I felt the desire.' Tikki replied quickly. 'I'm going to eat by the window, ok? I'm sure Adrien will be out in a minute.'

Confusedly, Marinette watched her float off to the livingroom window overlooking the street, where Marinette kept a few potted herbs bathed in sunlight.

Shrugging, she went back to her coffee preparations, and indeed it was only a few minutes before Adrien appeared.

'Do I smell the essence of the gods?' He questioned, drifting towards her, looking much more lively.

'It's only instant,' she said a little breathlessly.

'The gods do not care.' He said solomnly, taking a mug from the counter.

He winked at her, causing her to suddenly need a bracing hand on the counter, before he returned over to her couch.

She watched him for a long moment, sipping at her own coffee, as he once again made himself comfortable amongst her cushions.

'Hey,' she said suddenly, 'in a little bit, do you want to make some bread with me?'

He paused, before looking up at her.

'Fair warning, I've never baked anything before in my life. I'd hate to destroy your oven.'

She turned to face him and smiled widely. 'Oh don't worry, we won't even get to the oven part until much later. For now, all you have to do is make the dough, and there's nothing like it after a rough time of it.'

He stared at her blankly, upon which his phone took the opportunity to start ringing.

He started, pulling his phone from his pocket so quickly that he nearly dropped it, before almost throwing it facedown onto the coffee table.

Marinette watched him with a hint of confusion, as he tried to settle back casually into the couch. 'Who is it?'

'Oh, it's Nathalie. Don't worry.' He attempted a wave of his mug, which threatened to spill its contents. 'What were you saying? Something about making bread dough?'

She nodded slowly, and he sprang to his feet, obviously eager to be away from the device. 'What do we need? Milk? Eggs? Sugar?' He strode over to where she was, and opened a cupboard door at random. Marinette's carefully stacked crockery stared back at him stubbornly.

'Um, you don't need to worry about any of that,' Marinette said, unsure how to react to his behaviour, 'It's not a cake, just bread. Flour, water, yeast, salt. It's actually pretty easy.'

The phone cut off, and Adrien visibly relaxed. He closed the cupboard door slowly.

'Are you alright?' She questioned, and he looked at her tiredly, before shaking his head.

'Oh, yeah, don't worry about it.'

His body language defied his words, and she only worried more. 'Well, alright. Can you get two mugs out of that cupboard next to you?'

He did so, looking at her with a hint of confusion. 'You use mugs to make bread?'

'You do when your measuring cups are currently full of pins and buttons.' Marinette smiled at him. She went to her pantry and pulled out a large packet of flour. 'Under the mugs, can you get two of the mixing bowls?'

'Now that sounds more like bread.' He managed the task, setting them onto the counter carefully.

While he did that, she poured flour into the two mugs. Little puffs of it spilled onto her counter, but she didn't seem to care. 'Alright, take one of these and put it in your mixing bowl.'

He did so, while she did the same, before looking at her. 'Is it alright to make a mess like this?'

'Oh honey, you haven't seen anything yet.' She smiled at him, then slamming her gaze down to refill the mugs, flushing hard.

They put another cup and a half of flour into the bowls, then Marinette pulled out the yeast. She put a well-practiced dollop into her bowl, before instructing him to measure out enough to cover the floor of his mug, then put it in.

'And look at that, you're well on your way to making bread!' She smiled at him. 'Now you need to quickly mix it through.'

He looked at the mix, then looked at her. She already was tossing her mix with expert fingers, something he couldn't help but admire.

With his non-ringed hand he mixed it through carefully, while she took their mugs and filled them with water. 'What are you doing now?' He asked her, watching her refill the kettle.

'I'm getting the water for the mix.' She sat it down on its stand and flicked the switch.

'Won't it be too hot?' He said with an air of panic.

'No, I'm not going to let it boil, I just want to heat it up slightly. The yeast is a living thing, and it needs warm water to thrive.'

'Oh, right.'

She stood with her hand against the side of the kettle, waiting for what was obviously peak temperature.

As she waited, she suddenly realised how close they were standing, his eyes expectantly on the silver kettle.

She could hear Alya's teasing voice now. 'Go get him, girl!'

'Um, so,' she started, and he looked up at her with green, green eyes. She felt her insides melt slightly. 'Are you feeling any better this morning? Today, I mean?'

He smiled slightly. 'That has to be the most amount of sleep at any one time I've gotten in months. Thank you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.'

Her replying smile was nervous. 'So you haven't been getting a lot of sleep?' Not that she was one to talk. Between her fashion internship, her side work, and Ladybug, sleep was a rarity indeed.

He shrugged, with a trace of sheepishness. 'It's been, busy.' The glance he threw over his shoulder had sadness in it though. 'I've been pretty run off my feet trying to stop everything from falling apart.'

Welling her courage, she reached with her free hand and tapped him on the nose. 'Well, I'm proud of you.' She smiled warmly.

Moving quickly, she picked up the now warmed kettle and started pouring, trying to distract herself from her failing nerve.

He stared at her for a moment, wide eyed, with a slight flush rising unbidden to his cheeks.

He shook his head quickly, before peering down at the now filled mugs. She offered one to him, and he looked between it and her. 'What am I supposed to do with it? Mix it through too?'

'Exactly.' She did so with hers, pouring carefully. 'Then you want to mix it through with your hands.' She picked up her bowl and moved it over to the small dining table she had by the window, eager for the larger space.

Tentatively he poured his, before looking down at the mixture. 'Isn't there a mixer for this kind of thing?'

She shrugged, squeezing the mix between her fingers. 'When you work in a bakery or you have the cash. But this is better.'

He looked between his own mix and the ring on his hand, grimancing slightly. 'It'll come off, right?' He followed her carefully over to the table, placing the bowl down facing her.

'Sure it will. Go on,' she encouraged.

Hesitantly at first, he ran his fingers through the mix.

'This feels so weird.'

'I told you it was fun.' She had already brought the mix into something that could be considered a dough, and he couldn't help but admire her skill.

'I know it sounds obvious, but you're really good at this.' He smiled at her, before returning his gaze to his mix, and mixing with more vigor.

'That's the way,' she smiled at him. 'Mix it all the way through.' She paused, her eyes on his hands. 'Are you sure you don't want to take your ring off?'

'Oh,' he chuckled slightly nervously. 'Don't worry about it. Like you said, it'll come off.'

She looked at him for a moment, before looking down at her mix.

He'd never noticed it before, but she stuck out her tongue slightly as she concentrated. It was incredibly endearing.

They worked in comfortable silence, getting increasingly sticky fingers while the dough collected. He followed her instructions of making the dough into a ball, then running the ball around the bowl to pick up any excess flour.

Once completed, he looked at her with a hint of triumph in his eyes. 'What next?'

'Now, as my dad calls it, we just have to wait for it to bomf.' She smiled a mischevious grin.

'To what?' He said confusedly. 'Bomf?'

She went and washed her hands in her sink, then gestured for him to do so as well.

While he did, she grabbed some tea towels from a drawer, and placed them over the mixing bowls.

'Yup,' she said, turning her oven timer for an hour, as he dried his hands with a hint of fear. 'Bomf.'

[sandhyasmycookingjourney]

M For Monkey Bread | Pull-apart Sweet Buns

  Monkey bread, as the name suggests is a very naughty and fun bread to make and eat with kids and kid's at heart. When reading about this bread, it was interesting to read, that the name of the bread 'Aranygaluska', means 'Golden Dumplings' and was referred to in the Hungarian literature as early as the 1880's. The name 'Monkey Bread' came into use for the fact that the bread is quite playful and can be pulled apart by hands, just the way monkeys would pull apart stuff and eat. This bread was the perfect fit for my family with 2 monkeys, err....2 boys as they loved to play around with it. I made the bread in the afternoon when the boys were at school, but I was thinking of them a lot as they would have loved to roll the tiny balls and dip them in the butter. Next time, when the family has recovered enough from my month long baking, I will be baking these on a weekend when the boys are around. What is a Monkey Bread - The bread  dough is a pretty simple milk based dough with a little sugar in it. The dough is then pinched off into tiny balls (about 64 to be exact) and then dipped in meted butter and then cinnamon sugar and then stacked against each other in a Bundt pan. The Bundt pan would be the choice of pan as it will help in baking the bread uniformly. In a regular pan, the bread in the deep inside might not bake well and might remain a little doughy. The cinnamon and the sugar along with the butter smelled heavenly when the bread was baking inside the oven. The caramel flavor was very obvious and the pieces were evenly coated in it. There is a simple sugar glaze that I drizzled over the bread. This is completely optional. The bread was sweet enough without the glaze and did not need any more sweetness. The sugar glaze added a nice look to the bread and the boys really enjoyed licking it off.  

  My other bakes in the A – Z Baking around the World Marathon –  A for Almond cookies from China B for Bretzel Rolls from Germany C for Chocolate Cupcakes with Chocolate Buttercream Frosting from USA D for Danish Cookies from Denmark E for Empanada from Argentina F for Franzbrötchen from Germany G for Grissini from Italy H for Hot Cross Buns from England I for Irish Freckle Bread from Ireland J for Jan Hagel Cookies from Netherlands K for Kiffles / Kiflis from Hungary L for Lagana Bread from Greece Preparation time - 20 minutes + about 3 hours of inactive time Baking time - 30 minutes Difficulty level - easy

Ingredients to make the Monkey Bread (Makes one Bundt pan) - 

To Make the Dough -  All Purpose flour - 3 1/2 cups (plus a little more for dusting) Granulated sugar - 1/4 cup Salt - 2 tsp Instant yeast - 2 1/4 tsp (one package) Warm milk - 1 cup Warm water - 1/3 cup Butter - 2 tbsp (melted) + 2 Tbsp (softened) To make the Cinnamon sugar coating -  Butter - 6 Tbsp (melted) Cinnamon - 2 tbsp Light brown sugar - 1 cup To Make the Glaze (optional) -  Confectionery sugar - 3/4 cup Milk - 2 Tbsp

  Procedure to make the Monkey Bread - 

To Make the Dough -  In the bowl of the stand mixer, combine the flour, instant yeast, sugar and salt. If kneading by hand, use a large bowl to make the dough. Whisk the mixture and then make a hole in the middle. In a measuring cup, measure the milk and water. Make sure that the temperature of the milk and water is warm to proof the dough. (about 110 F). Melt the butter and add it to the wet ingredients. Now add this mixture to the well made in the flour and run the mixer with the dough hook attached on low. Once the dough starts to form, turn the mixer on to medium speed and knead the dough for about 8 to 10 minutes.  If kneading by hand, mix the mixture using a wooden spoon and then use your hands to knead until the dough is soft and elastic (about 10 to 15 minutes). If the dough appears too wet, sprinkle some flour and continue to knead. Shape the dough into a ball and then place in a greased bowl to proof. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap and then a kitchen cloth and leave it in a warm place for about 60 to 80 minutes or until it doubles in volume.

To shape the bread -  When the dough is proofing, melt the butter in a bowl and keep it aside. In another bowl, combine the brown sugar and the cinnamon and keep it ready.

Grease a bundt pan liberally with softened butter. Once the dough has doubled, punch it down and gently pat it into a 8 by 8 square. Using a dough scraper or a knife, cut the dough horizontally and vertically, 8 times. This will give us 64 pieces of dough. Roll each piece of dough into a rough ball and dip it into melted butter and then coat it with the cinnamon sugar and then place it in the greased pan. I dropped about 5 pieces of dough into the butter and then transferred it into the sugar mixture and then arranged it in the pan. Make sure that the dough is close to each and touching each other. Finish all the pieces of dough and if there is any more cinnamon sugar left, sprinkle it on top of the dough. Cover with plastic wrap and then a kitchen towel and let it rise again until the dough is puffy and has risen about 1 inch from the top of the pan (about an hour).

Baking the Bread -  When the dough is rising for the second time, towards the end, preheat the oven to 350 F. Once the dough has risen, place it in the preheated oven and let it bake for about 25 - 35 minutes or until the bread is golden brown and the sugar is bubbling. Mine took about 30 minutes to bake.

When the bread is baking, prepare the glaze by whisking together the confectionery sugar and milk. Once the bread has come out of the oven, let it cool in the pan for 5 minutes. Slowly invert it on to the serving platter and let it cool for 10 more minutes. Drizzle the glaze evenly over the cooled bread and enjoy! The bread stores well outside for couple of days and then it can be refrigerated. The left over bread can be slightly warmed in the microwave and it softens up instantly and tastes great.

http://mycookingjourney.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/monkey-bread-1.jpg

Check out the Blogging Marathon page for the other Blogging Marathoners doing BM# 75 Read the full article

[jmarjanah838]

Soft and Buttery Milk and Yoghurt Bread Recipe.

You can cook Soft and Buttery Milk and Yoghurt Bread Recipe using 10 ingredients and 18 steps. Here is how you achieve it.

Ingredients of Soft and Buttery Milk and Yoghurt Bread Recipe

Prepare 3 cups of all-purpose flour + more for kneading.

Prepare 2 tsp of instant dry yeast.

It's 1/2 cup of plain yoghurt.

You need 3/4 cup of whole milk.

Prepare 3 tbsp of butter, softened.

Prepare 1 of large egg + 1 large egg yolk for egg wash.

Prepare 1/4 cup of granulated sugar.

Prepare 1 tbsp of honey.

It's 1/8 tsp of salt.

Prepare of Vegetable oil, as needee.

Soft and Buttery Milk and Yoghurt Bread Recipe instructions

In a large mixing bowl, combine all the dry ingredients, keeping the salt and yeast away from each other. Stir to combine..

In another medium mixing bowl or large measuring cup, combine all the wet ingredients and whisk or mix thoroughly to combine..

Make a well in the center of the dry ingredients and pour in the wet ingredients and butter. Mix thoroughly with a spatula until everything is well combined..

Heavily flour a work surface with flour and oil your hands. Turn the dough out onto the surface and knead to bring the dough together..

Knead the dough by hand for about 7 - 8 minutes. After kneading, form the dough into a ball and poke it. If it comes back at you, it is done, if not, knead an extra 2 more minutes..

Lightly oil the mixing bowl you used with oil (It doesn't need washing) and place the dough in. Cover with cling film or a clean kitchen napkin and place in a warm area to rise for about an hour(Do not put in a closed oven, the temperature will be too high, a half closed cabinet or cupboard should do.).

.

After about an hour, the dough should have doubled in size..

With fists, gently punch out the gas from the dough and transfer back to a heavily floured surface. Knead for another 2 minutes and form a ball again..

At this point, you can shape the dough into any shape or size you want. I did one standard loaf bread by first dividing the dough into two, 1 being twice the size of the other. For the large piece, roll it out with a rolling pin till the dough is flat and long..

Then starting with the short side, roll the dough into a log seam side down. After stretch it out a bit and place in a standard greased loaf pan..

For the other dough, I did a braided design by rolling the dough out like before, then divide it into two. Roll each dough with a rolling pin till thin and starting with the long side, roll the dough into a log, after with a sharp knife, split the dough down the middle but not all the way through, braid the dough and seal at the end by just pinching the ends together..

Cover both doughs again and let rise in a warm place again for 45 minutes. After 45 minutes, the dough should have doubled in size and puffed up nicely..

With a brush, gently spread the egg wash all over the breads..

Bake the breads in a preheated oven at 350 degrees fahrenheit on the middle rack for the first 20 minutes and top rack for the last 15 minutes. To check the doneness, check on the top of the bread, if it bounces and is a beautiful golden brown colour, it is done..

Cool for 3 minutes in the pan run a knife around the edges to loosen it up and take it out of the pan so the bottom doesn't get soggy..

Serve warm or at room temperature with a drizzle of honey, some butter or jam.(optional). They can also be used for delicious sandwiches. This bread can be reheated in the oven or microwave. It can also be frozen for up to 1 month and refrigerated for up to 1 week for the best taste. Happy baking!.

.

[365-money-diary]

days 63-69

day sixty-three [mar. 5]

8:00 am - Notice my tax refund has hit +$1213! Make a chemex. Try to be chill for this am’s call. It’s kind of a big one.

10:00 am - Well it went really well. I was asked to be a decisionmaker on the call so that’s a nice boost to my ego. Eat the final piece of pineapple pie to celebrate / also just to eat breakfast.

2:00 pm - I have a giant monthly report that I’m delivering next week, so I get started on that. I get ¼ of the way done and decide to cut work early to exercise. 

5:30 pm - We try to order from Monroe’s – the hot chicken place I picked up food from for M’s birthday but it’s closed / not taking online orders. We decide to get Cornish Pasty instead. K gets a veggie Mexican and I get the vegan Guinness stew. We also share an order of oven chips with garlic & jalapeno. K pays for this one.

8:30 pm - I am so so full. I have a phone date tonight with C - I think in my last diary I referred to him as BFF? Either way, he’s moved to Seattle and we chat probably every month or so for a few hours. I am feeling so so full from pasty that I take a really long walk to settle my stomach. I walk to the lake and then across and down to campus. At some point I stop to buy a water from a vending machine but it gives me a Dr. Pepper. Find a different one and buy a water instead. $4.25

11:30 pm - Realize I need to go to bed and let C go.

day sixty-three total: $0

day sixty-four

8:30 am - Wake up and make a chemex. Read a few chapters of The Guest List and start to move all of the furniture in the living room into the center of the room for the trim. Spend the next hour cleaning/prepping while K walks to the lake.

11:00 am - Last time I did the kitchen my quads were so sore so I decide to do a pure barre class prior to starting knowing that I’ll be way too sore tomorrow.

12:30 pm - K and I are determined to get this hot chicken. We place an order at the downtown location and I go over there to pick it up. We both get vegans - extra hot + hot + fries + 2 orders of pickles. $48.18

3:00 pm - Finally start taping the living room.

6:45 pm - That took 400 years. Start the first layer of paint.

9:45 pm - Second layer of paint.

11:45 pm - Eat some chips and salsa. Manage to bolt the door closed and head to bed. What a day.

day sixty-four total: $48.18

day sixty-five

8:45 am - Wow my legs. I am so so sore. I want to try to get the living room put back together as soon as possible so I don’t delay in making my coffee and ripping up tape. 

11:00 am - Why does this take 800 years? It’s not fair. Make us tofu/egg tacos for breakfast with low carb tortillas.

12:00 pm - K helps me put the room back together. We really take our time sweeping and dusting and even going through all of our things. He is a big help! 

2:30 pm - The living room is put back together! Rejoice.

3:30 pm - K and I go hit golf balls. We both do a lot better than the first time we went out and have a lot of fun. He pays for the bucket of balls.

5:00 pm - Toss beans in the instant pot.

6:00 pm - Pour a glass of wine and meet with K’s family on zoom.

7:30 pm - Big burritos for din with beans, rice, lettuce, cheeze, & jackfruit with chips and salsa.

8:00 pm - idk what’s up with me but i am in a huge snacky mood. Eat chocolate and a few spoonfuls of peanut butter. 

9:00 pm - K walks to the lake and I start scoping out clothes/sales again. I have a $100 gift card from Everlane for Christmas from K’s parents and decide to use that. I buy 2 dresses and a pair of pants. ($18.27) I also stumble across a pair of boots that are just beautiful. I want them so badly but they’re made of leather. I scope out Poshmark and find a pair in my size and they’re ACTUALLY used and in my size. They’re listed for $80 and I offer $70. The seller accepts ($83.12) $101.39

day sixty-five total: $101.39

day sixty-six

8:00 am - I am so sore still. Ugh. Pure barre charge comes thru. $15

10:00 am - Officially done with pie for breakfast so I eat yogurt instead. 

12:00 pm - Finish the last of the BBQ chicken salad for lunch. Continue my shopping adventures and find a pair of mules from Madewell on Poshmark. Offer $50 and it’s accepted. $61.50

4:00 pm - I’m still pretty sore but I stretch out a bit and do a pure barre livestream. 

5:30 pm - The weather is really nice out and so I decide to read on the porch. It doesn’t take long before K asks me to come with him to his office so he can clean out his stuff. Background: he was furloughed in August and the place he works isn’t renewing the lease. 

7:00 pm - We arrive home. I think K feels defeated. I kinda do too.. Feels like the end of an era. He isn’t up for dinner. I heat up some pozole for myself.

8:00 pm - K decides to go for a walk and I want to finish Season 21 of The Challenge (Rivals) so I stay home. Make a rum drink with soda water, a tiny agave squeeze and some limes. It’s very good.

day sixty-six total: $76.50

day sixty-seven

7:45 am - up early today. I have a meeting at 8:30 today to pull some data/talk about KPIs for the project I’ve been put in “decision-maker status” for. The meeting goes well and I feel good about the data alignment.

9:30 am - I get sent a zoom link without any warning. I tell them to give me a minute so I can pee and heat up my coffee. On my way to the kitchen I knock over a glass and it shatters EVERYWHERE. I take a few minutes to clean it up and forget to pee.

10:45 am - run to the restroom. K asks me to join him in the spare room where his “office” is. I work on reporting for a while in there. Eat plant yogurt.

12:30 pm - i wait too long to eat and am feeling overwhelmed and stressed. K rubs my back and helps me clean the kitchen. I swear these dishes never end.

1:15 pm - i have to pee again and this time it burns. Fuck fuck fuck. Not sure if it’s yeast or urinary tract but either one can’t be good. I pay some more attention to my body and realize that i can feel my bladder swelling which means i’m in uti territory. I have a super sensitive bladder and this puts me in a panic. Change my underwear, dig through my supplies and find a test strip, and AZO. Pound a bunch of water to keep things moving. 

1:45 pm - Fears are realized. At home UTI test comes back positive. I am able to land a prescription very quickly through undisclosed sources. In the meantime, I take AZO for my symptoms and advil for my bladder inflammation.

5:45 pm - Finish working for the day and all I want is a glass of wine but I know that will fuck up my urinary tract even more. Stick to water and such. Decide not to work out tonight either given I don’t have the antibiotics yet and any agitation to my bladder will harm my current state.

6:15 pm - Roast potatoes in the oven and the text from CVS comes that my prescription is ready. Roll on over to pick it up. $1.02

7:00 pm - Buffalo chicken sandwiches is the vibe for dinner. Continue drinking water, take more AZO. 

day sixty-seven total: $1.02

day sixty-eight

8:00 am - wake up feeling like my body did some solid healing work. Make a chemex and QA some stuff for a 9:30 meeting where I have to present.

11:00 am - plant yogurt. Definitely feeling a lot better today already AND my calendar is clear for work aka def going to work out before 5. 

11:45 am - Buy vitamin D on amazon but it’s free since I have the gift card from my boss. Eat leftover cauliflower fried rice for lunch.

3:00 pm - work is actually slow today and my urinary tract is feeling on the mend. Take a barre class recording and shower all before 4 PM.

6:00 pm - tonight we’re doing leftover big burritos with roasted potatoes. We’re out of tortilla chips and honestly dipping the potatoes in salsa is pretty dope.

8:00 pm - i kinda ease in and out of feelin’ tired. Read some of The Guest List before turning in.

day sixty-eight total: $0

day sixty-nine

8:00 am - wake up feeling again like i was in a deep deep healing mode sleep. Make coffee and get to work.

11:30 am - make pad thai for lunch.

2:30 pm - try on all of my clothes that came from ann taylor/loft plus the boss boot shoes from poshmark. Everything fits really well and I’m happy I took the plunge to figure out what my new sizes actually are. I am still really self conscious of my belly… it’s like a ledge and i really don’t get it because i am otherwise very thin. It could be a hormone thing or it could be a gut thing but i decide to try to tackle both at once. Vitamin d and zinc for horomones (which I already have on hand) i do some research and find a supplement from hum nutrition to try and decide to start taking ACV shots to see if anything changes. $25.45

4:50 pm - do a pure barre live stream recording. Shower and eat too many snacks.

7:00 pm - start a new season of the challenge while k goes to hit golf balls. Upon his return I make him a burrito with potatoes and myself some leftover pozole.

11:00 pm - finish the guest list. Didn’t see the ending coming at all! Get some sleep for vaccine #2 tomorrow.

day sixty-nine total: $25.45