#i did the whole meh it's a tumblr blog i don't care bit

[samepictureofclintbarton]

i'm so happy i'm back to my regular clint posting

[hislittleraincloud]

...I keep forgetting that I operate in dark mode, and that my posts look like shit because I never bothered to fix the HTML on this blog.

This isn't how that looks for me. This is what it's supposed to look like

I'm not gonna ask how to fix it because I know how to fix it (I've had a Tumblr since 2011), I'm just super lazy and old and didn't feel like fixing it before when I made this thing. But I fell asleep (AGAIN 😭) last night before I could drag the laptop out and do something about it (since it's now linked on IG, I need to) and to place existing scenes for 8.

Meh, I need a shower. And to take my pain meds since the thing I fell asleep with (arm pain) hasn't subsided. I have no explanation for it, but sometimes I feel like my arm bones are on fire. Doctor knows, doesn't care enough to send a Poor off to testing (I get state funded care, YAY 😐... it's not as great as y'all super lefties want to make it sound). I've suffered from physical pain my whole life.

My first real/full sentence as a child was "My knee hurts." I remember because I was tiny and they were trying to get me to walk, and I never cried or talked much as a kid ('shy' is what I was labeled) because I was too frustrated with being unable to articulate what was on my mind...but once I figured out how, I articulated all sorts of weird shit that freaked my parents out, like when I was around 3½ I just suddenly said to my father (after watching Sesame Street) that "If 1 plus 1 is 2, then 1 minus 2 is minus 1." I remember the look on my father's face and he asked me to explain. I tried writing it out, but yanno, I was 3, and I hated what my numbers looked like (I did try my best...watching SS did help a lot with that) but the most I felt I could do at that point was draw, so I drew circle blobs to explain it. I hate math with a burning passion, but I guess I was thinking about it because Sesame Street encouraged that kind of thought (I don't think it does anymore, and most all of the kids shows now suck).

I remember a lot. Photographic memory for a lot of it. (Which is the true condition of Jonathan Miller and Cairo Sweet. Bartlett is an idiot and used 'eidetic', but that's a falsehood that 'eidetic' and photographic memory are the same. They're not...which goes to show how much of a dumbass a graduate from Brown can be. But I continue to use eidetic in the UVCniverse because it's canon...no other reason.) The extent of it isn't all that great, but the scenarios/happenings in my head are vivid; but this body pain memory is super vivid, right down to me feeling like I'm experiencing it all over again. It's something I can never forget, no matter what I do to distract myself (and I've never been a really positive thinker). Pain management is a big part of why I'm such a big fucking stoner, and sometimes the reason why I fall asleep (escaping the pain).

I'll stop whining now...but to reiterate what's in the caps, there's no way I can get anything Afterburnish published in nine days. Maybe, maybe I can get 'In Three Bites' done, but no guarantees on that bc I'm tryna ignore it to work on 8. It's a little hard to ignore when it's so much more playful and light than Afterburn, and I need a little bit of that right now.

Begone, foul temptress! ...Meh, okay, you can stay. 🫠

[vampirevalentineblog]

October 25 2023

ok! hello! back to regular blogging. if you weren't aware i'm now hosting the old blog on tumblr so this should be easier for me to update than manually adding to the html and dealing with archiving past posts. best part is you can barely tell save for the photos are handled a bit odd now o_<;;

so i'd like to catch up on errrrr Feb to October LOL a whole year practically. lets see what i've been up to...

did wondercon in Anaheim, uh then KawaiiKon in Hawaii. spent some extra time there afterwards as well, I always enjoy snorkeling ^_^ you regularly see many turtles but i even saw a pufferfish! honolulu is nice and walkable if you've got sun protection! plus lots of other people also walk around with a parasol so nobody heckles you for it (like where I live :|||) their bus service is decent as well. i had a pretty greasy plate lunch the first day i was there so it had my stomach upset like, the whole time ;_; did an escape room with friends for the first time that was pretty fun! unfortunately kawaiikon's moved to being juried and apps are not even open yet ??? so no guarantees i'll be back next year :/

also did another Las Vegas con, it was meh. i don't care for the organizers of this one they steal art for their advertising, overcharge for tables, and then put us next to a loud ass stage. don't like that! i'd already done Omegamart the year before but i was staying in Freemont which i've never visited. i'll be back very soon and hopefully get to Nevada early enough in the day to visit Goodsprings bc you know I am a New Vegas girlie ehehe. also did an Anime Impulse back in Anaheim. I usually don't care for them for the same reasons as those other organizers but at least the crowd is better! this past january one they stuck us in a leaky barn ;_; for the table price its pretty ridiculous but i always come back despite it all because the attendees treat me well lmao

left off with pins last time, but since then got shirts made! there's two designs, my "fallen angel" girlie and my cherubim design.

you can see them off to the side there, this is my booth Colossalcon East in Pennsylvania this September. super fun! great con, lovely weeby people in PA! along the top you can also see some of my new big prints i made in like 3 weeks. just drawing drawing drawing -w-!! this con i also got to meet Grey DeLise/Griffin and she signed my Azula print for me hehe <3

my plane ride home got delayed for thunder which was stressful bc immediately after i had a flight to Japan! eek! this was my second time going this year. i had been in 2022 right when it reopened to tourists so it was a much different experience this time, wayy more tourists about. ended up arriving right at the peak of a heat wave i took it easy though just doing some figure shopping and enjoying the food. i love family restaurants there so much lmfao they're so good and cheap. also met up with a friend from all the way back in middle school who also happened to be in shibuya the same night ??? made her and her partner go to Denny's with us later on lol! also visited Odaiba and Hakone this time on my birthday! Hakone is where Evangelion's Tokyo-3 is meant to be based in so they've got their own EVA store. I got a Unit 02 strawberry drink thing, should have got the matcha-taro swirl Unit 01 soft serve icecream >:)

got back and did some house keeping up until i found out there's a halloween party! i made a very quick costume out of stuff i had lying around. only spent like 5$ for some plastic fake chains. here's my alice (sans chains ofc) i made that apron in like a day out of an old pillowcase -w-;;; i don't sew much!! maybe i would be good at it if i bought plenty of fabric and followed instructions but we'll never know because i only try it out to make something silly with no pattern using scraps all in 1 day and then i get fed up and start using hot glue and hem tape. as one does! its got a little bow in the back too but i had no interfacing so its just a piece of printer paper giving it shape. this is what halloween is about!!

please ignore the background i'm in the middle of painting my bathroom lol

up next i've got Sin City Anime in Las Vegas and Kumoricon in Portland. i like these two, completely different vibe and size but Sin City was cozy last year (they've since moved soo well see ??) and Kumori has some interesting people lmfao. i will see you guys at the swap meet +w+!! for sin city they asked if i'd be interested in an extra free booth for the 18+ lounge event and i was like ok sure why not and come to find i'm like one of 5 tables??? i don't know how it'll go over but whatever its something to do! i will have my tres leches cows and some new ones...here's a preview!

whole milk is soOoO popular i'm so happy lmfao he is for the girls and the gays <3 i've got to do some more boys....its what the people want. maaybe a whipped cream to go with whipping ? ^_^ <3!

alright that's all for now! ttyl!

[tinkdw]

I honestly tried so hard not to ship Destiel but it's just one of those ships y'know you just kinda accidentally ship and I really don't wanna cause some of the fandom is kinda toxic but I can't help but to ship it

Dude, SAME.

Honestly, I’ve never shipped anything before (I liked it when Spike x Buffy did eventually go somewhere and was kinda beautiful but I didn’t really ship it), I didn’t even know what shipping was until I found tumblr a few months ago, I’m mostly straight (I’m a bit fluid but meh, mostly straight), and I never really thought about representation that much beyond ‘yeah, thats a great thing, there should be more of it’. 

So I just watched the show (on my own) with no previous knowledge of anything at all and…. well…. it was so obvious?!

I mean, I just binge watched the show last year because I love sci-fi and I was in a bit of a bad place and needed a distraction and had watched all the Buffy/True Blood/GoT I could and was looking for something new.

I loved seasons 1-3, I did, but then, enter Castiel and literally, my life has kind of changed?! I have an obsessive personality anyway but…. jeez. What a character and WHAT A ROMANTIC GLORIOUS LOVE STORY!

And then it just dragged… and dragged…. and yet also GREW so much?! 

So, like, what exactly are they doing? Well, I believe they know exactly what they are doing, especially since Dabb took over, but hey, let’s see…. but my blog description is ‘endgame Destiel positive’ so you know what I mean ;)

It’s all THERE, they all know its there, the writers USE it in their plots, the editors make it visually obvious, it’s even referenced in the show, the actors all KNOW, I mean come on!

It’s not our fault if they use all the romance tropes with these two.

I think it is very relevant that so many Destiel meta-writers and shippers have a background in understanding stories, being teachers, journalists, book worms, cinematography students etc etc and therefore can make pretty good conclusions from the material that is being shown.

I mean, the overall story of these two characters is that one is a fallen, rebellious Angel who just wants to feel Human and belong somewhere and loves caring for others and one is a faithless man with abandonment issues who just wants someone to stay with and care for him.

Said fallen Angel rebels and does it, all of it for Him, eventually looking to Him instead of God, is in return called ‘family’ and cared for himself. 

Said Human learns to have Faith in and through his Angel and through this in himself, which is a key part of his overall story in the whole show.

They’re WRITTEN as each other’s canonical other half (see this post about how its a romantic and not a buddy story according to literary guidelines).

Their story is like so many rom-com, shakespearean and classical for that matter love/mythical stories where they start out on opposite sides and kind of meet in the middle you know? The idea being that they ‘complete’ each other and lead themselves to be the best that they can be and who they really are and want to be deep down? As these two clearly do?!

I’ve said before and I’ll say again, Dean and Cas are canonically central to each other’s CORE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT and their endgames are INTERLINKED.

I mean, if this was a guy and a girl and it was a movie, so all the story was shown in 1h30 minutes and at the end they were like oh, no, but you see, they’re just FRIENDS. Literally everyone would just be like WHAT?!

The fact that Disney movies and romcoms are so highly parallel-able with Destiel, because it fits that literary box - as a romance, not a buddy story or a drama or even a familial story, it does up to a point, but it definitely transcends this and moves into romance realms pretty early on, like, season 5 FFS.

It’s not our fault, the show made us do it.

If fandom wank is a problem for you, well, I don’t like it either, I guess no one does apart from the ones instigating it who seem to get a high off it, I just blacklist on tumblr and I don’t attend cons, so… meh, I have this gorgeous little space where we all know and all discuss what is happening and it is lovely, feel free to join us :)