#i didnt really want/need a gaming laptop in the first place i . had a computer. thanks tho dad it is still a very nice laptop

[llatimeria]

making a tech upgrade from the $2000 gaming laptop my dad got me for christmas some years ago to a $45 refurbished chromebook off newegg

[vyloy]

Alright so for the update of the date, we went to get some dinner, we originally wanted to go to a fancy restaurant as he suggested but then we decided to go to his place last minute, when we did get to his place, he got changed from his suit to a more casual wear and started cookin', he made some Spaghetti Carbonara for the two of us, he also brought a vase of flowers to the table, lit up some candles and turned off the lights, it was pretty romantic, i remember every single detail, his cooking was delicious as always, after we had our fill, i offered to wash the dishes as he already cooked after that he gave me some of his clothes to change into since i only wore formal clothes as i thought we would only go to a restaurant, and then go back to our respective places, he lent me a shirt and pants, we were almost the same height so it fit, i took a bath and so did he (seperately) , we then got on the couch and since he didnt have hashihime of the old book town on his computer or laptop, we decided to watch a gameplay of it on the tv, why did we do that you might ask, because i wanted him to see Professor's route, plus he was a bit curious, i was crying mid way through the route as the route was so sad😭, he saw me tearing up so he grabbed a tissue and wiped my tears, it wss kinda awkward since i never rlly got this treatment before...I thanked him and apologized for letting my emotions get the better of me lmao, he told me there was no reason for me to apologize and we continued watching, by the end of it, he was really heart warmed by the gameplay, by that time it was getting a bit late but since he didnt need to work the next morning, we stayed up some more, playing games, baking, ate snacks and made smoothies, IT WAS SO FUN😫

When we went to sleep, instead of me taking the couch, this time he told me to stay on the bed with him, I agreed as we have stayed in each other's beds together before, we cuddled each other to sleep, when i woke up, it was about 9/10am, he had already woken up before me, again preparing breakfast, we ate and he took me home not long after, i fell asleep in his car, i woke up on my bed, him on my couch, i fell asleep for about an hour, he said he had to carry me as he didn't want to disturb me, i was shocked he could carry me but then remembered i'm very light...

After that nothing really happened i was just busy throughout the day and almost falling asleep every second, sorry if this is too long, i was just so happy this all happened, i never had such fun in my whole entire life😭😭 applogies for typos anywhere, still pretty tired but unable to sleep for some reason,maybe it's too soon but i'm planning on initiating the first kiss next time we go on a date, should i invite him to a date a week from now? Or is it too soon? Any advices??

@alastor-mydear read this once u wake up as it's 5am for u

[secretivemessenger]

Sorry for updating so late, been busy today

I finished Hashihime of the old book town 2 days ago, it was absolutely amazing, i think i'm gonna replay the first route again, it's just so good😭

I bought another bl game from the same publisher(?) And i thought they would have the same mc for each route but turns out the mc changes every route, i didnt know this and got attached to the first mc, needless to say, i am unable to continue with the 2nd and third route as i am too attached to mc, yes i have attachment issues, i'll probably play the game once my attachment to the mc is gone or sum, probably will take months if not a year or two.

I've bought Hashihime of the old book town, Royal Alchemist & Uuultrac so far, i'm gonna get Divine speaker next but after that, i feel lost on what to get, there really aren't many bl game that interest me, hashihime set my standards wayyy too high to the point i want to make a visual novel but remembered i'm shit at using softwares, plus i dont know if my art will turn out good. (And i have no idea how to draw backgrounds)

Alright so for the update of the date, we went to get some dinner, we originally wanted to go to a fancy restaurant as he suggested but then we decided to go to his place last minute, when we did get to his place, he got changed from his suit to a more casual wear and started cookin', he made some Spaghetti Carbonara for the two of us, he also brought a vase of flowers to the table, lit up some candles and turned off the lights, it was pretty romantic, i remember every single detail, his cooking was delicious as always, after we had our fill, i offered to wash the dishes as he already cooked after that he gave me some of his clothes to change into since i only wore formal clothes as i thought we would only go to a restaurant, and then go back to our respective places, he lent me a shirt and pants, we were almost the same height so it fit, i took a bath and so did he (seperately) , we then got on the couch and since he didnt have hashihime of the old book town on his computer or laptop, we decided to watch a gameplay of it on the tv, why did we do that you might ask, because i wanted him to see Professor's route, plus he was a bit curious, i was crying mid way through the route as the route was so sad😭, he saw me tearing up so he grabbed a tissue and wiped my tears, it wss kinda awkward since i never rlly got this treatment before...I thanked him and apologized for letting my emotions get the better of me lmao, he told me there was no reason for me to apologize and we continued watching, by the end of it, he was really heart warmed by the gameplay, by that time it was getting a bit late but since he didnt need to work the next morning, we stayed up some more, playing games, baking, ate snacks and made smoothies, IT WAS SO FUN😫

When we went to sleep, instead of me taking the couch, this time he told me to stay on the bed with him, I agreed as we have stayed in each other's beds together before, we cuddled each other to sleep, when i woke up, it was about 9/10am, he had already woken up before me, again preparing breakfast, we ate and he took me home not long after, i fell asleep in his car, i woke up on my bed, him on my couch, i fell asleep for about an hour, he said he had to carry me as he didn't want to disturb me, i was shocked he could carry me but then remembered i'm very light...

After that nothing really happened i was just busy throughout the day and almost falling asleep every second, sorry if this is too long, i was just so happy this all happened, i never had such fun in my whole entire life😭😭 applogies for typos anywhere, still pretty tired but unable to sleep for some reason,maybe it's too soon but i'm planning on initiating the first kiss next time we go on a date, should i invite him to a date a week from now? Or is it too soon? Any advices??

Man your really obsessed with games

Also that was too sweeet like form a movie and some , and no it’s never too early and not too late so go for it

[words-for-holland]

Distractions

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Tom and Y/N decide to work in the same room together. The problem...both of them get easily distracted and a whole lotta fluff comes with it.

A/N: Whoa its been awhile but here we are again! Thank you for 1,000+ followers it means the world! Surprises to come 😉

“Hello beautiful.” Tom greets Y/N with a cheeky smile on his face. He quickly pecks her soft cheek as he places his laptop across from his lovely girlfriend, who was currently focused on her work.

She takes a second to look up, returning his smile with a soft one. “Hey, good looking. What’s up?”

“Nothing really. Is it okay if I work here with you? I just want to be close to my girl.”Tom pouts.

Y/N’s heart could burst at the sight and reason he gave. An inaudible “aw” prolonging through her mind...until she quickly realized that there could be some complications with this as a slight frown starts to replace her dimpled smile. “Wait...are you sure?”, she asks. “Dont you have press interviews that require absolute silence? I doubt any of you will want to hear the constant typing in the background.”

“Yeah, your typing is horrendous with those lead heavy fingertips of yours.” Tom teases.

“Well these lead heavy fingertips aren’t leaving anytime soon, so youre probably better off working elsewhere.” She suggests, pointing off to the distance. Tom groans at the idea, using his one hand to put her finger down. He engulfs hers with his, lacing her fingers and holding on tightly.

“Noooo. Dont wanna be anywhere else. Please darling? ” He pouts once more.

She giggles at his plea, rolling her eyes. “Course you can, bubz.” Tom excitedly scoots his chair in as he rubs his hands together to prep for the work to come.

And work they did...for at least 10 minutes. Tom was getting antsy as he read through his next script. Occasionally his eyes would roll to the left, and observe Y/N as she continued to read through an article on her screen. Not that Tom didnt find his own work fun but he always found watching Y/N do her thing just a bit more interesting.

He hadn’t realized himself, but his body start to shift and lean more towards her. His arm extending to wrap her in, as it glided up and down in a steady motion. His thumb doodling hearts on her shoulder. Tom could tell it had an effect on Y/N, discreetly smirking to himself as he heard her audible shakey sigh.

He wanted to see what else could make her sigh like that, so instead of his thumb he used pointer and middle finger, running them up and down her shoulder. Tom could see the smile creeping on Y/N’s face and her little head shake. She knew what he was up to and yet, Y/N still wanted him to think that he was not gonna get her that easily. But God was it hard. Every touch felt like tiny fireworks against her skin, goosebumps forming all over her body with every touch. She to stay strong. No distractions.

Tom eyes perked up, at the action. He must go further, he thinks. Tom starts to trace his nose from her shoulder to her neck, leaving kisses at her jawline. “C’mon darling. Think its time for a break.”, he whispers in her ear.

She turns her head towards him as she smiles, leaving a quick kiss on Tom’s lips. “Its only been ten minutes.” She laughs. “Five if you want to count the distractions.”

He backs up, pretending to look appalled. “How dare you. I’ve been a good lad focusing on my script for the whole ten minutes.”

A playful glare formed on Y/N’s soft face which ultimately ended her up with a fit of giggles. She couldnt take him seriously, but then again she never did with anything. Tom has always said if they were kidnapped by a pair of robbers, her first reaction would be to laugh. As the laughter died down, Y/N paid her attention back to the screen which had been inactive during the playful banter and continued to type out those set of documents that she had been meaning to get to.

Tom on the other hand was still reading through his script, taking mental notes on how he was going to approach his character. This time he was completely engrossed in his work. His eyes moving left to right with every line he took in. Until...he felt something ticking his lower calves. Tom knew it was Y/N’s foot, by the way it brushed just as he had done with his hand on her shoulder. The movements never stopped, her legs now curling around his own. Y/N was trying to getting back at him, but one thing she always forgot was that Tom always wins.

Naturally he had to the same, and what once became a playful game of footsie, now ended up with Tom shifting Y/N to sit on his lap. Her legs now wrapped around his waist and his hands holding onto her hips. Both of them connecting their soft lips, feeling every spark and essence of love. He looked up at Y/N with admiration, thinking how lucky he is to have her in his life. Yeah Covid sucked for the most part and limited their ability to even do anything exciting outside, but it gave them the opportunity to be with each other far more than they could have on a normal day. On a normal day, Tom would be jumping around country to country while Y/N would be home miles and miles away from him. Course, nothings changed with jumping from country to country, but Tom gets to bring Y/N with him now and thats all that mattered to them.

But work never stopped them from keeping busy. Just as their kisses were getting more heated, and their hands tangling each others hair both their alarms went off. The couple stopped their antics as they leaned their heads back, groaning in synchronization.

“Ughh. Thats my cue. I have to prep for an interview.” He mumbles as he nuzzles into Y/N’s neck.

“I know. I have to get ready for another business meeting. Whoo.” she speaks in a sarcastic manner, dropping her head.

“What time?” He asked pressing a kiss to the shell of her ear.

“Mm...3. Why?”

Tom plays with the strands of her soft hair. “Was wondering if you’ll stay with me through mine and Ill stay with you through yours.”

“As much fun as that would be. I dont think were allowed to —“

“Im not saying we have to be on camera for each others meeting. But if one of us will be off camera itll be all right.” He plans, still looking at his girl with pleading eyes. Y/N’s mouth twitches to the left, her eyes furrowed with suspicion.

“You’re doing it again.” Tom states, a small chuckle escaping his lips.

“Doing what?”

“You’re making that face again.”

Her expression quickly changes to confusion, not entirely sure of what Tom was noticing that she didnt about her own face. “What face?”, she asks.

“The one where you twitch your lips and make your eyes look angry. You only do it when youre indecisive about something. Its bloody adorable.”

Y/N snorts at his comment, and tries to get off to give him time to prepare, only to be stopped by his hands pushing her back down on his lap.

“I was serious about wanting to stay with my girl the whole day while doing work. Please?” He pleads again, this time bringing out the puppy face. “I’ll be good and do the dishes tonight.”

To be fair, Y/N knew she was always gonna say yes to Tom. Its pretty hard to deny her dorky boyfriend when hes asking so sweetly and just wants to spend the day together. More so, if the roles were switched, she would have done the same thing. “Go get changed movie star, before youre late for your interview.” She murmurs to him, kissing his cheek before she scrambles of his lap to sit across from him.

Tom whoops with victory as he runs out the room quickly changing into his shirt, fixing his hair, and adding glasses for that sophisticated touch. Sure he wanted to look his best for the Cherry Press, but he made sure his outfit was something Y/N would very much adore as well.

“How do I look?” Tom asked coming out of their shared bedroom.

Y/N looks up from her computer, and smiles widely. “Handsome as always.” She couldnt take her eyes off of him, admiring every detail of the clothing and how it perfectly complimented Tom’s feature. She eyed him from top to bottom, until she noticed something. “Uhh..honey....you’re not wearing any pants.” She asked a bit confused. Her eyes engrossed in the muscles of his thighs and the fit of his Calvin Klein boxers.

Tom smirks at her. “Its uncomfortable wearing pants. Besides no one will see...except you.” He teases, gently lifting her head up so that her eyes meets his. “Eyes up here love.”

“Youre something else.” She laughs, feeling the heat rise in her cheeks. “Well...least we know who wears the pants in the relationship.”

Tom laughs loudly at her comment. He hooks the waistband of Y/N’s sweatpants and snaps them back to further prove her point. “That was a good one. Ill give you that.” Tom and Y/N high five each other, and then it was press time.

Y/N kept quiet and tried her best to minimize the typing unless it was really needed. Seeing Tom talk about his work and dedication was something that she had always admired about him. He loved his job and everyone can see that. Occasionally they’d steal glances from each other, smiling and holding each others hand under table so that no one could see. But it was just one of those moments that Tom and Y/N couldnt help themselves too. Two hours passed and Tom was free.

“You did so well.” Y/N praised Tom and awarded him with a quick kiss. “I love it when you talk about your passion.”

“Thanks. I love that you were there with me to sit through it all.” He smiles. “I believe its your turn now. It’s almost 3.”

Y/N frowns, knowing shed have to dread through hers. Instead of getting to talk about her passions, itd all be about business, business, business. “Ugh. Do I have to?”she groans.

“Come on now. Dont be like that, you’re gonna be fine. Ill be here with you the whole time.” Tom reassures her with kisses all over her face.

“No distractions?” She asks.

“No distractions.”

[mellohidisc]

╰ ☆ ╮𝐠𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞 - discord au ✰⋆

1.2k 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 | 𝚜𝚕𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎, 𝚏𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭: "𝘉𝘢𝘣𝘦, 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘐 𝘢𝘮." // "𝘓𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘶𝘪𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘱𝘴 𝘣𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘳."

𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖒𝖊𝖘: 5/5 𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘰𝘺𝘴 || 𝘺/𝘯 & 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱

I plopped my bag on my unmade and definitely in need of a wash bedsheets. I looked down on it, scrunching my nose seeing blemish marks upon my white sheets. Don’t ask me what it is, maybe dirt? Marker? Maybe the last drops of a monster energy drink that I chucked across my room into the garbage can. I’m not too sure what exactly it is to be quite honest. I’ve been so busy and tired, and the state of my bedroom defiantly showed it. University is hard, especially when it isn’t your only responsibility. With all the homework, my job and trying to keep my long-distance relationship above water it is especially hard.

But for once, the world was on my side. It was the weekend, I didnt have work and nothing due soon for school. I could get a rest, fucking finally. I walked my self over to my desk, and sat down in the chair. Unlike George and his streamer friends with these super expensive duel monitor and pc set up bullshit, I just had my laptop, and fuck Dream for making fun of me for it. I unfolded it, pressing the power on button. I watched as it slowly booted up.

Okay, maybe Dream is right but still fuck him.

I refuse to give that man the satisfaction of saying "I told you so." After waiting for a few to let it boot up all the way, I clicked through onto discord.

sex havers and y/n.

fucking idiots, all five of them.

looking over to the voice channels i saw them all in vc 2. I pondered, and questioned if I was mentally stable enough to listen to karl and quackity scream into my ear. I knew the answer was no but...oh, my finger slipped.

"y/n!" karl yelped with excitement. I felt a second wind rip through my body. that was the effect these boys had on you, if you think you're tired you're actually not.

"hi george." i said brightly, knowing it would offend karl greatly.

"hi hun." he said shortly, taking me off guard. i could hear him slamming on his keyboard.

"what are you playing?" i asked, going to click on his discord profile to find out.

"phasmaphobia, come save me from karl. he's been screaming the whole time in the lobby."

"hell no babe, you're on your own im sorry."

"for once, i agree with them." dream chimed in, making me roll my eyes and make a fake gagging noise at him.

dream has one of the kindest hearts i know of. we just fucked around with each other, but we could never seriously hate each other. he was like a brother to me, and no not one of those weird fucked up "i have a crush on my boyfriends best friend" things, but just a genuine great friend.

my thoughts we're interrupted by a loud scream from sapnap, and quackity and karl yelling run. I winced, smashing the volume down button on my laptop.

"alright nope! no no im done! i am closing the game." george said frantically, you laughed as you watched his discord status change.

"awe did the ghostie boy scare you?" i tease gently, testing the waters. with george sometimes, i could never tell when the teasing would be too much.

before he could anwser, i saw karls face appear on my computer screen making me giggle. he had the camera zoomed all the way into his face, staring dead into the camera.

"george..." he growled lowly, making you laugh.

"yes karl?" george asked innocently.

"SCREW YOU!"

the whole call bursted into laughter, i watched my screen go from only karl to karl and quackity.

oh dear god...

anytime alex has his camera on we knew we were in for it.

i watched quackity as he grabbed a stuffed pillow from behind him, and a pair of scissors off his desk.

"george listen- listen to me. this pillow-" he waved it in front of the camera.

"this is you. now this is a pair of scissors." he proceeded to wave them in front of the camera also.

"now george, i want you to turn your camera on for me."

george groaned in protest.

"why-"

"SHUT UP AND DO IT!" quackity yelled, i whined at him to shut the hell up.

I watched the screen grow again into three cameras on, butterflies filling my stomach as I saw george's smile. sometimes it just feels so surreal to me, how he gave me the time of the day really. when I first meet him he didn't seem like the type to date anyone, and if he did he would have been the type to forget he was dating someone and not answer for days.

yet he proved me wrong.

being with george has been one of the best relationships i've been in. he was kind and caring, and yeah he had a hard times being comforting but he showed his compassion in other ways. whether it be a meme he made himself to make me laugh, or a something as small as sending me a cat video link.

"y/n! turn on your camera." sapnap demanded, making you frown your brows.

"what! why? since when did you have yours on sap?"

"well if you weren't day dreaming ab mr gog mister over here you would have saw me put it on."

I rolled your eyes. I scanned my bedroom and made a face. It is a fucking mess in here.

"okay but dream doesn't have his on." i point out, knowing that wasn't going to help me.

"yeah thats because its dream." karl retorted.

"turn it on."

"turn it on."

"turn it on."

The four of them stared to chant, as dream laughed in the background.

"I fucking hate you guys." I groaned, hitting the camera button on discord.

Quackity placed the bear and scissors down, standing up out of his seat to lean closer to the computer screen.

"holy shit y/n! did a hurricane come through your room or something?" he laughed, half jokingly.

the boys knew they couldn't genuinely say shit, after all they are boys.

"oh fuck off. i would love to see your bedroom."

"i guess this makes me the organized one in the relationship." george says proudly, gleaming with joy.

the boys and i laughed at him, watching his mouth slowly open wide and a look of disbelief spreading across his face.

"what! why are you laughing?"

"george, you and i both know you are the least organized person in the world." dream told him.

i giggled watching georges reactions to their comments. his mannerisms were apart of his humor, the hand gestures and the facial expressions.

"no okay no guys please. listen-"

"guys pleaseeee" sapnap whinned mockingly, sending us all into laughter.

"screw off! babe tell them how organized i am!" he yelled through a laugh.

my eyes widened, fuck. you tried quickly to think of a lie to make him look stupid but good at the same time.

"last night he ate his fruit loops by color." i said, nodding trying to sell it.

"HES FUCKING COLOR BLIND YOU LIAR!" dream yelled loudly.

i covered my mouth from laughing so hard. holy shit. thank god i dont have anything to do tomorrow its going to be a long night.

[writemyaceattorneys]

GOD 🦆anon You are Talented!!

Legit gave me chills-

DONT MIND IF I ADD ON ;D - 🌌anon

They sould only sputter as wild theories became reality before the small grey screen, the only point of interest being their avatar for the game.

He was sentient. They all were.

No wonder the story would completely derail off the few times they used a walkthrough, how all the start of chapter cutscenes seemed to be so censored. No wonder there were more chapters than what they were told in game - they were told there was 5 maximum per game, not 10. No wonder character dialogue would be so... off, out of character almost, eerie and almost directed towards them.

...rationality decided to pop its head back into their mind, bordering a state of panic from confusion, commenting that maybe they were just seeing things.

It was late at night after all. Trial 10 was taking its sweet time with the pre trial segment with miles and maya seeming to always vy for phoenix's(...? They couldn't decide. Was it for him or them?) Attention.

...right, they'd get through this and save.

It was just another part of the game. The supernatural didnt exist - otherwise it'd just be natural.

"Alright... talk... there's no dialogue options though." They glanced down to where the bottom screen emulator would be.

"Oh no, just use your mic, S/O."

The abrupt text change made them jump. The supposedly "unique" sprite to phoenix's avatar in their game portrayed a gentle look to the side (coincedentlsly staring directly at heir Point of view)

...were they being hacked?

Through an emulator of all things? Using phoenix wright: ace attorney sprites?

No, no...

"You Look worried. Are you alright?"

The air went cold as S/O's hand retreated back from theur pondering, a slow burning whithin not pleasant with the icy air felt as if their emotions were a fever "...You can see through my camera?"

"Of course. Your dressing gown really suits you."

They scrambled to the drawer in their desk with tape in it and tore a piece of paper, quickly sticking it over their laptop's camera.

"What do you want?!" They nearly screamed, but it was hoarse, a whisper.

"Whoa, hey, its alright. I'm no hacker! I wouldn't ever do anything like what you're thinking!"

The sprite took on the iconic shocked expression, as if he had any justification to feel that way.

"Then..." their throat was burning. "What are you, if not a hacker?" Because what or who else could do this? It didn't make sense.

Again, eliminate the impossible whatever remains is only the truth, the very last "normal" case in their playthrough had said.

"Oh, S/O..."

He was looking again. It felt like a reassurance initially when it first came up in 1-3, like things were only going to get better from there, but that sprite seemed to have the opposite effect on that late night.

"You've played enough of the game. You should know."

"The theories in my head are more than impossible right now. You- You're not real. You're just a character."

"Ouch... what about edgeworth and maya?"

"Also characters! What the fuck, just-just explain this already!" They leaned into the computer, slamming their palms down as they took of the paper guard. phoenix -or whatever (...whoever?) That was, shook his head.

"Well, since you've done that... i might aswell state the obvious."

S/O leaned back with a hitched breath and frozen fingertips, awaiting anything but the truth.

"We're all living beings beyond your screen, S/O. Not hackers, nor ghosts. We're alive. And theres a whole world in here."

He was smiling again. S/O was not. Frozen in place, any heat drained from their body led them only to feel the radiation off their laptop.

"I'll keep in touch, hell if I don't-I won't, S/O. I won't."

S/O stayed silent, just taking it all in.

"And hey, maybe one day we could even meet face to face - no more pixels..."

How would that be possible? Something felt wrong just begond the light as the side glancing smile seemed to grow more earnest, but even more so creepy.

"how would that sound? Again, I'll keep in touch. Talk to you later. It's late after all. You really ought to take care of yourself..."

"but I don't mind. I can do it for you if need be."

(Whoops i didnt mean to write this much but uh... heck. I guess i have brainrot. Sorry mod miles /lh i took some of the ideas this au has slowly gathered and just slammed it together.)

I-

🌌Anon this is amazing!!! The way you've taken some of the ideas we've all shared and run on your own to make this is marvellous. I can really feel S/O's fear right here, plus the horror vibe this is giving is beautiful yandere content.

I uh-

Phoenix can take care of me if he wants to 😂😂😂😂😂 also I would be happy for Edgeworth to vie for my attention at any and all times of the day.

Honestly, everything that you anons have sent me is so brilliant and now this has been made from all of the amazing ideas and this is amazing and every single one of you guys are just so amazing.

Am I crying because of the community spirit on this blog? Yes!!!

Do not apologise to me ever for sending in such beautiful writing, I would genuinely pay good money to read this.

[depressedacadamia]

A kiss would be nice

Summary: Magnus develops feelings for his roomate and has no idea what to do; when theres' some serious miscommunication, Alex and Magnus have to solve an obvious problem.

Pairing:  Fierrochase

A/N: THIS WAS MY FIRST EVER REQUEST!!!!  I swear I'm gonna organise my Masterlist on tumblr coz its a hot mess rn and then I will get a prompt list up. Anyway, I hope this lives up to the expectations of the request- enjoy and comment!

Read on A03        M;List

Magnus liked Alex.

How exactly was he meant to process this?

Yes. Alex was sometimes a girl and other times a boy but what did it make him?

He could remember the moment Alex came floundering into his life, confident about who she was and Magnus could only think about how much he didn't know about himself. It was ridiculous, in his opinion, to think that he fundamentally changed as a person just because he liked someone.

So why did he feel so scared to come to that conclusion that he did in fact like Alex?

“What are you thinking so hard about over there, pretty boy?” Alex asked dryly as he scrolled through his phone while he dangled off the top bunk of their dormitory. Startled, Magnus snapped his head towards Alex and with no game whatsoever stuttered a terrible lie.

“Uh- Uh, nothing.”

“Uhu,” Alex emphasised. “ So that totally wasn't a lie.”

“Yes, Wait, I mean no- wait,” Magnus stuttered out again, his hands beginning to fidget and his palms becoming sweaty.

Alex simply raised an eyebrow before softly sighing and returning to his phone scrolling. He knew that Magnus wasn't the kind to keep secrets in a malicious manner- if he wasn't spilling something, it was because he didn't feel comfortable and Alex knew as well as anyone else that if Magnus was uncomfortable, nothing was spilling from his lips.

Clenching his fists in finality, Magnus got up, accidentally banging the top of his head on the top bunk above him where Alex was elegantly dangling off, his hair defying the laws of gravity by maintaining its rightful position on his head. He rubbed his head, swore under his breath and continued to make a bashful exit from the dorm room.

Alex could tell that something was definitely up.

Sure, Magnus was weird- he sometimes came back home at incredibly odd hours, always seemed relatively silent when one were to ask him where he had been and he almost always wore his lengthy blonde hair in a way that covered the majority of his face; in fact, Alex had thought about tilting his chin up just so he could get a better view of his elegant features.

So what exactly was it causing his roommate to act so oddly?

Magnus was in the bathroom. In fact he was hiding out in one of the stalls, trying his best to avud Alex at all costs. What had started out as a way to skip the horribly boring parts of his classes, now became a full blown ritual in which he would run away to his favourite bathroom stall- the one by the very end, next to the hand blow dryers, were his favourite but also alarmed him because it was there where he could hear whether anybody really washed their hands and there was an alarming amount of evidence which contradicted so.

He would take a book or sometimes just plug in his earphones to listen to music as he essentially hid out in the stall. Sometimes, when he felt a bit more confident- and knew Alex would be off campus- Magnus would hide out in the library; a much more comfortable and all round better smelling place to read, study and or listen to music.

But now as he slowly emerged from the stall after hours of sitting, heading back towards his room, Magnus could only feel this inevitable feeling of impending doom. He had managed to distract himself from the Alex situation for so long and now, he was about to crumble.

It was only a matter of time.

“Magnus?” A familiar and - dare I even say- dreaded voice asked him.

Glancing through the blonde locks of hair which curtained his face, he caught a glimpse of familiar green hair which he had been avoiding.

“Huh?” He managed to mumble.

Alex frowned. “Don’t ‘huh’ me. Where have you been? I’ve been calling you all day.”

Magnus’s eyes widened- he had left his phone on silent as he didnt want to deal with others. “I-you did? Sorry.”

“That doesn't matter now. Where have you bee- actually nevermind that as well, come on, we need to get back, it’s already late and I know you have an early class tomorrow.”

Magnus hesitated.

Alex noticed. He refused to stay silent about the matter any longer.

“Okay. Spit it out. “

“What!” Magnus stammered. “ Spi- spit what? Spit wh- what out exactly?”

“The reason you’ve been avoiding me? Did I forget to do my chores or something? Or did I accidentally make some sort of mess of your stuff?”

“No- No, of course not!”

“So?”

Magnus found himself too enamoured with Alex’s features to respond. He could feel the bubble bath slowly overflowing inside his mind. What did it mean if he liked Alex? Was he now a completely different person? What did it matter if he liked Alex?

Wasn't he just like everybody else?

But Magnus’ mind told him that it was so obvious that Alex was in fact not like everybody else, otherwise why was it Alex whom he couldn’t keep his eyes off of? If Alex was so like everyone else, why was it his eyes that Magnus always wanted to stare at, why was it Alex’s hair that Magnus always wanted to ruffle or Alex’s hand that he always wanted to hold?

Why was it always Alex whom he wanted to hug when he was having a bad day?

So when he looked back at Alex, he felt the overwhelming need to throw himself and wrap his arms around Alex so tightly that Alex would have trouble breathing and then - in Magnus’s perfect world- Alex would also wrap his arms around Magnus and they would hold each other in their arms and stand their leaning on each other.

“Nothing,” Magnmus mumbled as he came back to reality.

He walked past Alex, eager to get back to their dorm and just sleep his feelings away- something he was used to doing thanks to his years of being homeless. He wasn’t about to escape when a slender hand wrapped itself around his wrist and dragged him backwards.

“No.” Alex huffed almost angrily. “You’re not running away from me,not again.”

Magnus could have sworn- looking back- that he may have let out a squeak.

“You are avoiding me Mister and I’d like to know why. It’s bad enough that you spend all your time hiding in the bathroom stalls, it’s even worse that you're doing it to avoid someone as fabulous as myself. So if we could quickly get this over with, It would be greatly appreciated and I’m sure it would relieve your nostrils as well.”

“I-”

“You…?”Alex prompted.

“Ilikeyou.”

Alex paused, scrunched up his nose before raising an eyebrow in ridicule and letting out a laugh. And while Magnus truly believed there was nothing more beautiful than Alex’s smile, right now, it was the most damning thing he had ever seen.

Of course Alex would be laughing! Who wouldn't be laughing if some weedy, shady blond kid confessed their feelings for them in the most pathetic way possible!

Magnus had no other choice but to clench his fists to resist the burning sensation gathering in his eyes as he turned on his heel and hurried back to his dorm.

He was curled up on his bed, binging criminal minds on his laptop because what else was meant to comfort you after getting rejected if it wasn’t watching people getting brutally murdered by psychopaths and sadists?

He was wrapped with this specific episode- involving a bunch of very explicit murder- when Alex snatched his headphones right off his head plopped himself in the computer chair that rested right next to the bottom bunk where Magnus had been hiding out.

He could feel himself paling as he remembered that he lived with Alex.

“We need to talk.”

What? He was so sick of Alex making every decision, afterall- it was Alex who chose to laugh at him.

“We have nothing to talk about,” Magnus managed to snap back.

“Why do you keep avoiding me? First in our own dorm, then in public and now you don't even want to look at me.”

“I’m sorry,” He retorted, his words coated with so much sarcasm, had there been anymore, he may have become Samirah at that very moment. “Was I expected to hang around after being ridiculed?”

“Ridiculed? What do you mea-”

“-What do I mean? I guess you wouldnt understand what it feels like for someone whom you really really like to outright just laugh at you after confessing. I guess you don't know how- how nerve racking and horrible it is to not feel comfortable and safe wherever you go. I guess you were privileged enough to not deal with doubting yourself with every decision you make and every thought you have!”

Alex started. “I-”

“-No. I’m not finished. Do you know how that made me feel?” Magnus was on a roll. “ Like shit. I felt shitty. I felt like shit and I was curled up like a bratty 5 year old and do you know what I’ve realised? I’ve realised that I have nob reason to feel shitty because I'm not the one who was so insecure in myself that I laughed at someone else who was struggling, esepcially when I rejected a hot piece of ass such as myself!” He finished his ramble with a shout, his chest heaving, cheeks flushed and somehow, his hair messy.

“So,” Alex drawled causally. “ Am I allowed to speak now?”

“No.”

Rolling his eyes, Alex sooke anyway. “ I’m sorry that you feel this way and I guess I can't change that I was the person who made you feel like- well, shit, but I have to say Beantown, you really shouldn't assume things so quickly.”

Magnus frowned, turning his shiny, glossy eyes towards Alex finally. “Huh?”

“Well. If you were to give me a chance to explain, I’d be able to tell you that I laughed because I thought you looked adorable. I would be able to tell you that I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings in any way and I’m very sorry if I did and…”

Alex held Magnus’ chin, pulling his head a bit down so he was able to fully look him in the eye rather than just looking away under Magnus’ chin, forcing him to look him in the eye.

“And…?” Magnus whispered hesitantly, almost afraid of the answer.

“And, I would be able to tell you that I like you.” Alex smiled dopily.

Did Magnus hear that correctly? Did Alex Fierro- the most confident, and in Magnus’s eyes, the most attractive person out there just admit to liking the scraggly kid who used to live on the streets?

“Excuse me?”

Aex sighed. “I said that I like you and your … What was it you said?” He paused for dramatic effect because lighting up his eyes. “ Oh yes and your ‘hot piece of ass’ I believe it was.”

Magnus cringed at his previous words as he started at Alex. Alex fierro liked him!

“What?” Alex smirked on noticing Magnus’s innocent stare.

“Can I try something?” Magnus tilted his head to the side innocently. Alex nodded.

Yes, please do try something, A kiss would be nice.

But to Alex’s surprise, he felt Magnus’s arms being wrapped around his body. It was an odd sensation that at first made Alex want to reel backwards.

But then this familiar ignition in his stomach tugged him back to wrap his arms back around Magnus and bury his face in Magnus’s chest, just about reaching his collarbone.

The hug was brief. Perhaps not even longer than 15 seconds at a maximum, but it was enough for Magnus to feel better.

Alex decided that perhaps next time Magnus would kiss him.

Super cool people Taglist: @wisegirl773 @ddepressedbookworm

[binaryoutliar]

I know this is gonna sound super dumb but when i was growing up i wasnt able to play video games and im still really bitter about it. First it was cause my mother was one of those people who thought video games made you violent (my mother also works in child development). She insisted that there were better and more productive, learning based things I could do. I just wanted to do something for the fun of it. But she insisted that video games were only fun to kids that liked violence, And i didnt like violence, right?

Well I got older and figured out that wasnt the case at all and there were games that I enjoyed playing at my friend’s house. I wanted to connect with my peers, i wanted to have fun, I wanted to play games while I was stuck inside alone because my single parent didnt have time or energy to take me places or do things with me. So instead, they were too expensive. That one was easy to believe and I still mostly believe it except for the fact that I’ve spent the last 3 years paying my mothers bills on a salary 1/4 the size and I’m starting to realize that she had the money - she just spent it on alcohol and clothes for herself instead (I still wear the same pants I wore 10 years ago and I’m 23...just so were clear on that).

Like I’m so bitter at this point that the reason I didnt develop hobbies and interests as a kid was literally just because my mother wouldnt spend money on me. I was allowed to be interested in something, but the second I said I needed something (small things; a sketchbook, new paint brushes, a doctors appointment to refill my asthma inhalers so I can go outside), my hobby became “too expensive” and I was encoruaged to “just use my imagination”. Im sorry but thats one of the most bullshit things ive ever been told in my fucking life.

(Side note but I hardly had any tech either growing up which was an absolute nightmare for bullying since I grew up in one of the wealthiest zipcodes in the country - I got my first laptop in 2014, my first ipod nano in 2012, my first smartphone in 2014, our first flat screen tv in 2016. I was so isolated from other kids growing up that I didnt even realize these were things most people around me had - I thought ipods and cellphones and computers and tvs were rich people things but it didnt even occur to me until i was staring at my mothers income/bill/debt ratio that we had more than enough money for me to have shoes without holes in them.)

[tacittherapist]

Heartbeats quicken. The tremors return. Rose opens her laptop, glancing about to make sure she’s alone. Gods forbid anyone, especially Jade, see her revisit one of her lowest points. She craves it -- to know the bitter ennui of her past mistakes is a nectar that keeps her reality grounded and the fire under her lit. This particular memory is perhaps the worst mistake of her young life though, and to correct it would be to supp deep from the ichor of sweet relief. She pulls up the log...

tacitTherapist [TT] started trolling grimAuxiliary [GA].

TT: So. GA: So TT: It’s come to this. GA: Indeed It Has TT: And you’re still not budging. GA: Consider My Position Entirely Unmoved TT: Entirely? That seems a bit harsh. GA: This Is A Harsh Reality TT: I imagined you’d have at least granted me the niceties and lied about how malleable your convictions are. GA: Rose GA: What Is There Left To Say GA: We Have A Crucial Difference In Opinion That Cannot Be Reconciled GA: We Have Iterated Our Arguments To Each Other For Days Without Relent GA: The Underlying Basis To This Disagreement Is Presupposed On The Notion That This Infernal Game Has Shown You The Right Course Of Action Without Any Other Supporting Evidence That It Isnt Simply Lying To You Once Again TT: They aren’t lies, they’re possibilities. GA: But Only One Of Them Will Happen To Us GA: The Rest Dont Matter GA: Thus They Are Lies And There Is Just One Truth TT: Couching your beliefs that way is what I disagree with. GA: Then You Arent Fucking Listening GA: Only One Of Those Timelines Will Be The One We Are In GA: So Forgive Me If I Buttress My Language In Solipsistic Idiom GA: Unless You Can Give Me More Than One Percent Assurance That We Will All Make It Through This By Jumping On This Fantastic Savior Satellite GA: I Cannot Support Your Idea And I Suggest You Let It Go TT: I can’t. GA: I Know GA: Thats Why Theres Nothing Left To Say TT: I disagree. I think there are a variety of things left to say. GA: Do They Relate To The Problem At Hand Or Are You Stalling TT: Irrelevant. The impetus of communication isn’t inherently problem-solving, it’s to convey meaning. GA: The Impetus Does Solve A Problem GA: You Want To Convey Meaning So The Solution Is Communication TT: Semantics. I’m saying there are other avenues of thought we must explore first. GA: Rose According To You We Are Running Out Of Time GA: Is This Truly How You Want To Spend Your Last Moments With Us GA: Bickering Pointlessly On Separate Computers To Avoid Devolving Into Another Shouting Competition Which Karkat Invariably Wins TT: Would you rather I pivot into sweet nothings about how I’ve so enjoyed our time together on this desolate rock? TT: Would you rather I spin the yarn of our tale aboard this distant laboratory, slowly starving as our grist cache dwindles? TT: Must I recount our feeding calendar in which we literally take turns stemming the hunger pangs until we all eventually succumb to malnutrition and sickness simultaneously? GA: No TT: Then this is how I’m spending my last moments. Quite presumptuous of you to assume I’ve made up my mind as well. For all you know, I could be swayed and end up staying here. GA: Given You Were Just Eviscerating My Position Mere Seconds Ago As To Why We Should Stay Here Im Sufficiently Certain You Wont TT: That’s another issue. Your certainty. The Light has shown me countless avenues to success. There are literally endless timelines in which we follow my advice and everyone meets up to finish the game. TT: And yet you’re somehow unwaveringly certain that none of them will occur? GA: Your Argument Swings Both Ways TT: I don’t appreciate the implicit reference to my confusing sexuality, but go on. GA: If There Are Countless Possibilities In Which We Succeed Following Your Idea Then There Are Also Countless Possibilities In Which We Succeed Not Following Your Idea GA: Its Two Infinities GA: The Question Lies In Which Infinity Is Bigger TT: That makes no sense, infinity is infinity. GA: Yes But Some Infinities Are Larger Or Smaller Than Others GA: Some Infinities Are Not Even Truly Infinity But We Consider Them Infinity For The Sake of Mathematics TT: How does that make even remote sense? GA: While You Were Studying The Majyyk I Was Reading The Calculus TT: I didn’t realize I was speaking to Jade’s pupil. GA: You Arent GA: If I Were Jades Pupil Wed Have Met Up By Now And We Wouldnt Be Having This Inane Conversation TT: But you can become her pupil! If you just come with me. Trust me, Kanaya. Please. GA: I Trust You Rose GA: But I Cannot Go With You GA: Look GA: The Prophecy Satellite Is On The Horizon GA: You Have Not Much Time TT: Technically I have all the time I need. GA: Dave Has Sworn Off His Powers And You Know This TT: He can be convinced. GA: If Your Powers Of Persuasion On Him Are Anything Like They Are On Me I Highly Doubt That TT: Fuck you. GA: Rose

A pregnant pause passes as Rose looks over on the horizon. The satellite is indeed coming into view.

TT: I’m sorry, Kanaya. TT: I love you. GA: I Love You Too Rose GA: But This Is Goodbye TT: It doesn’t have to be. GA: What GA: Didnt We Just Go Over That Im Not Coming With You And That You Arent Staying Here TT: Yes. But if you don’t say goodbye, it means we’ll meet again. GA: Rose This Is Childish TT: If you don’t say goodbye, it isn’t the end. GA: This Is The End Rose TT: It isn’t the end. I’ll see you again. I’ll find John and Jade by myself and we’ll come get you. GA: How GA: How Long Will It Take To Find Them GA: And How Will You Find Us If You Ever Do GA: This Laboratory Is Bound To Continue Drifting Even After You Depart GA: We Wont Stay Frozen In Place Once You Leave GA: This Isnt Like One Of Those Trashy Rainbowdrinker Books You Devoured GA: This Is Real Rose GA: You Must Face This Truth TT: We are the shapers of our world. GA: Not This Again TT: We determine our own fate. GA: Rose This Is A Quote From Another Novel Please Dont Do This TT: We mold the physical to our whims and thrust it forward through our own designs. We shape destiny. We reject that which displeases us and create our own reality. TT: Can you really not indulge me? As this one last act of kindness? GA: I Will Allow You One Kindness But It Will Not Be This TT: Fine. As my last act of kindness from you, I want... GA: It Cannot Be Something Ridiculous TT: I want you to forget me. GA: What The Fuck Did I Just Say TT: Hear me out. TT: If truly everything we’ve been through thus far has meant so little that you can’t put your faith in my decision, I want you to forget it. TT: It will be as if it never happened. I was merely a phantom in this session, and should I somehow return (against your predictions), I will get to vindictively rub it in your face. TT: But if you’re right, and I never return, the pain for you is lessened. You were never in a relationship with me, so there’s nothing to mourn. I never existed. Things were simply bad, and my nagging insistence to redirect our course was never there. TT: I want you to forget me. GA: Rose You Know I Cant Do That TT: Not even for me? As your last kindness? GA: It Would Not Be Kind To Invalidate The Memories You Ensured We Would Create GA: It Would Not Be Kind To Devalue Everything You Have Done For Us GA: And I Still Cherish Those Memories Even If They Led To Something Painful TT: It will only cause you more pain if you hold onto them. I don’t want you to suffer. GA: I Want To Suffer These Memories GA: They Offer Me Some Reassurance TT: But not enough to convince you to join me. GA: No

Rose stops typing, a nerve in her snapping. Her face goes beet-red, despair swelling into wrath. She sets her claws to the keyboard once more.

TT: Then if not by your grace, I’ll make you forget through spite. GA: What TT: I want to be forgotten. I want my existence to be erased from this failure of a timeline. I never loved you. You meant nothing to me. GA: Rose TT: My departure will be a curse upon you unless you forget. Whether by magic or by will, you must forget me. All those memories I made with you meant nothing. I did those things only to ensure my own survival. Your presence was happenstance at best. TT: Now that I’m heading out on my own, our destinies are uncoupled. Whatever happens to you is beneath me. I am taking the path to victory, and you can all squander the rest of your miserable lives here. TT: I won’t come back for you. I gave you all the chances I had. This is your fault. GA: Rose Please Dont Do This TT: You won’t see me again. I’m getting on that satellite and I’m not looking back. Even if I am to die, alone on a satellite, it will be a Heroic death as the only one with any sense not to continue a cursed existence on this fucking rock. TT: I will live with only a spectre of guilt that I didn’t forcibly coerce you onto the satellite with me, chastising myself for respecting your wishes and letting you choose your own demise. TT: That is all. Goodbye.

tacitTherapist [TT] stopped trolling grimAuxiliary [GA].

True to her word, Rose closed her laptop and walked briskly to the edge of the floating laboratory to wait for the satellite to pass by. Sheer anger coursed through her veins, hoping that would mask her true intent. She had never displayed that kind of fury before, let alone to Kanaya. If she played her cards right, Kanaya might still join her, moved by the pure strength of her conviction. But there was no hesitant hand on her shoulder, begging her to stay or to join her. There was no last-second plea, no ‘Rose Wait’, and not even a footstep in her general direction as she waited.

Resigned, she boarded the satellite, breaking her word and casting a desperate glance back as the satellite continued its course away. Through the tiny window, she could see Kanaya simply looking down at her grubtop, her face stained jade. Regret swelled, and for just a second, she could feel herself begin to open the hatch and jump back towards the meteor. But the second passed, and soon she was out of range to give even a cursory wave goodbye.

The same tears begin to stream down her face as she closes the pesterlog and wraps her sheets tighter around her shoulders. She can’t keep putting off her meeting with Cetus forever... but she still doesn’t know how she’ll reckon with the shadow of her failed ploy.

[navpike]

Licensed Response: Chapter 3

"I'm just going to lend a hand," Caleb calls as they run. He doesn’t want to make this a hero thing, but this seems big. He can help out a few civilians and leave when the cops or a proper Powered Response Team shows up. “Is this even legal?” Nott screeches. (It really isn't legal.)

Or, the one where the Nein are a team of superheroes (well, they're working on it, at least).

Chapter Three: friends are a fate that befell me [on ao3]

Their six months goes by without much trouble, giant monsters and crazed powered criminals only grace the world with their presence once in a while, contrary to popular opinion. So they only have to get into the thick of things three times over the course of their probationary period.

However, one of the conditions of them receiving an official permanent license is that they must prove to Deputy Mayor Feelid that not only are they effective as a PRT, they have to prove that they are functional and stable. They have to prove that they truly are a unit, that they didn’t just slap a team name on their group to try get out of facing consequences for breaking the law.

Jester insists that this means that they need to have team bonding time.

Caleb hates team bonding time.

It always means he needs to leave the apartment and go out in public, because none of them really know each other. Even though he knows who Beau, Jester and Fjord are (though they don’t know that), and at least the three of them know who he is, none of them are willing to have the others over to their homes, not just yet. They’re just not that close yet, even though their deadline is fast approaching. They need to be a cohesive group in less than two months, and they’re just not there, and they don’t really know how to remedy that.

Which is why it comes as such a shock when, almost five months into being ‘The Mighty Nein’, Sky Spear invites them over to her house.

The second she makes the offer their group chat, which was already only barely functional, blows up.

[from zappy zap, 11:12 AM]

How would you guys feel about having team bonding at my place this week?

[from silver, 11:12 AM]

hey excuse me fucking what

[from doctor fancypants, 11:13 AM]

quartermaster and i are so in! he’s distracted playing a video game but he says yes

[from flame on, 11:14 AM]

This is a very kind offer, Spear. Nott and I would be happy to attend.

[from bo staff, 11:16 AM]

hey question: do you ever talk like a normal fuckin person caleb?

[from nott, 11:16 AM]

he doesn’t.

ever.

also, we’ll definitely be there spear, thanks for the invite.

[from zappy zap, 11:20 AM]

That’s great guys.

[from zappy zap, 11:24 AM]

My wife is excited to meet you all. She’s been hearing Silver and I talk about you for a while.

[from bo staff, 11:24 AM]

EXCUSE ME WAHT

WHAT

W H A T

SPEAR i have been flirting with you for MONTHS why didnt you tell me you have a WHOLE ASS SPOUSE

[from nott, 11:25 AM]

as opposed to only half a spouse?

[from doctor fancypants, 11:25 AM]

oh my gosh youre married?!

[from fish, 11:26 AM]

This is worth losin a video game. Spear youre married?

[from silver, 11:26 AM]

HEY SPEAR WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME THIS WAS HAPPENING HUH?

[from nott, 11:26 AM]

oh we’ll be there for sure now. i can’t wait to meet her.

[from silver, 11:27 AM]

HELLO??????

WHEN?????

[from zappy zap, 11:31 AM]

Silver, I’m two rooms away from you, come talk to me in person. I’ll see the rest of you on Saturday!

And that’s the last there is to say about that. Caleb certainly wasn’t expecting that, but it’s a pleasant surprise. It’s nice to know that at least one of them has at least a semi-normal life.

Caleb thinks that, and then grumbles and immediately turns back to his laptop and his coding. Computer code won’t make him think about why he cares about these people’s happiness. Computer code just makes him irrationally angry. Computer code is just facts. Computer code gives him an income, so that he’s not burning through the settlement from the Ikithon Incident because that would be irresponsible.

Caleb shakes his head and sighs.

Even computer code has betrayed him now.

Shit.

~*~

Saturday afternoon finds Caleb and Veth standing on the front porch of a small town home four blocks away from ZuZu’s Cafe, Caleb holding a bag with two bottles of wine and shifting from foot to foot nervously.

It’s Veth who finally rings the doorbell, her face melting into something just a little different, a black domino mask appearing over her eyes.

A woman with dark brown hair tied up on top of her head and soft brown eyes peering at them from behind a pair of large-framed glasses opens the door with a smile.

“You must be Caleb and Nott! It’s so nice to meet you, Yasha’s told me so much about you. Come in, come in.” She steps aside and ushers them in the door, instructs them to take their shoes off there, graciously takes the wine Caleb offers. “The others are through here in the kitchen. Already broken out the wine, I think. Oh! And where are my manners! I’m Zuala, I’m Yasha’s wife.”

“It’s lovely to meet you,” Caleb responds, a little taken aback by her overwhelmingly warm personality. He also can’t shake the feeling that he knows her from somewhere. She looks incredibly familiar.

“Caleb! Nott! You’re here!” Jester’s ever-cheery voice sounds out as they make their way into the kitchen.

True to Zuala’s word, Jester, Beau and Fjord are in there, sans their masks, for the first time, as is another young man with shoulder length purple hair twisted into elaborate braids, more piercings than Caleb can even count, and tattoos on every visible inch of skin, a peacock tail even crawling up the side of his face.

That’s Silvertongue, Caleb realizes. That tattoo on his face is the reason his mask covers so much, to cover the identifying mark. He looks familiar too, and Caleb still can’t pinpoint why, he’s so overwhelmed with the general chaos of re-meeting all of these people again.

They’re all crowded around the kitchen island, an empty bottle of wine already in between them, Silvertongue, Jester and Beau giggling while Fjord nurses what’s probably still his first glass.

There’s a woman at the counter, pulling a tray of pastries out of the oven. Caleb assumes this must be Yasha, Sky Spear, Zuala’s wife.

His friend.

God isn’t that a weird thought. Caleb hasn’t had a friend besides Veth in years. Not since Astrid and Eodwulf. Not since Ikithon.

He has a moment of blind panic where he worries that somehow Ikithon will fuck this up for him too, that he’ll find a way to corrupt these friends too, to ruin their lives too, but then he takes a breath and remembers. Ikithon is in prison. He’s in a power dampening cell in solitary confinement where he will stay for the rest of his life.

The kitchen smells like cinnamon.

Caleb focuses on that, and takes another breath. Zuala pats him on the shoulder and crosses the kitchen to kiss her wife on the cheek.

“Oh Caleb, Nott, you’re here!” Yasha says happily, setting the tray on the stove top and discarding the oven mitt next to it. She returns the kiss from her wife and crosses to Caleb and Nott with a wide smile. “So. Zuala and I have been talking about this for some time, and we decided that if we’re meant to be teammates, and friends, that it was best we stopped hiding behind masks. Not that I’m trying to pressure you into sharing your identity, Nott, but, I thought it was time for me to. So. It’s nice to meet you both. I’m Yasha Nydoorin.”

Without her armor and without the warpaint and the black haze concealing her face, Yasha looks wildly different. She looks soft. Her hair, a pale blonde, almost white, at the tips, fading into black at the roots, is tied into even more complex braids than Silvertongue’s, and Caleb thinks she must have done his hair for him. Caleb smiles at the thought. Without the haze and paint, Yasha’s face isn’t so harsh. Instead of a severe glare, her mismatched eyes are endearing, her gaze easy and kind. It’s a really incredible difference.

Caleb sticks out his hand, and Yasha accepts the handshake.

“Hello Yasha Nydoorin. I am Caleb Widogast. It is very nice to meet you.”

Caleb withdraws his hand and glances to Veth. She’s wringing her hands as she watches the two of them, nervously shifting her weight until she seems to come to a decision. When Yasha turns to Veth, Veth takes a deep breath, pulls out her hip flask and takes a deep pull from it, and extends a hand.

When Veth’s hand extends, her form melts, the mask disappearing, and features shifting back to the face she calls hers, though Caleb’s not entirely sure if that’s truly what she looks like, in all actuality.

“I’m Veth Brenatto. Nice to meet you all,” Veth says, shaking Yasha’s hand and glancing at the others in the kitchen.

Behind Yasha, Beau, Jester, Fjord and Silvertongue have gone silent, watching Yasha introduce herself to Caleb and Veth.

“Well,” Silvertongue finally says, reclining in his seat. “I suppose if even Nott-- Veth, sorry-- can give us her real name, the rest of us can do that too. Mollymauk Tealeaf, at your service, ladies, gents, others and Sentinel.”

Beau throws a wine cork at Mollymauk’s head.

“It’s Beau. Uh, Beauregard Lionett, technically, but really, it’s just Beau,” she says.

“And I’m Jester Lavorre!” Jester says, with just as much enthusiasm as she uses for everything else.

“I’m uh. I’m Fjord. Just Fjord really,” Fjord says, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “We’ve actually-- That is to say, the three of us actually had a run in with Caleb and Veth at ZuZu’s down the street, the day we all met.”

“I recall,” Caleb says. “A word of advice, Fjord. Your scar is very distinctive. It may do you well to cover it. I’ve known who the three of you are since the beginning.” He smirks as he says it, a little self satisfied.

Fjord lifts a hand to cover the scar on his forehead.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Veth reassures him, smacking Caleb’s arm. “Just you definitely should cover it up when you go out to fight things if you want to keep your identity secret, like at all.”

Zuala laughs where she’s just finished plating the pastries from the tray.

“You super types are too sensitive. People have flaws, even superpowered ones,” she teases gently, as she sets the dish of pastries in the center of the kitchen island and pours two glasses of wine.

She passes one to Yasha, and keeps one for herself and Mollymauk gasps in mock confoundment.

“Nothing for me? Zu, I’m heartbroken!”

Zuala scoffs. “I employ you and house you, you can pour your own damn wine,” she teases. Caleb finally gets what he’s been missing.

Yasha, Zuala and Mollymauk look familiar to him like this because they run ZuZu’s Cafe, he’s seen them there before.

When he voices this realization, he gets matching looks of realization from Jester, Beau and Fjord. Veth laughs at him, and Mollymauk, Yasha and Zuala join in.

“Welcome to the party Widogast,” Mollymauk says mockingly, but there’s no real heat behind his words and Caleb, very hesitantly, lets himself laugh at the teasing.  “There we go! He does know how to joke!”

That makes Veth laugh too, and just like that, any remaining tension is cut.

Caleb feels at home with these people. Despite every reservation he’s had for the past few years about having friends, about letting people get close, about letting people in, Caleb finds himself truly enjoying being around The Nein.

He hesitates to say it, but these people are becoming almost like a family to him, despite the fact that he’s only known them for a few months. This is the closest he’s ever been to anyone, besides Astrid and Eodwulf, and he likes it. He likes not being alone.

It’s terrifying.

Caleb pours himself a very large glass of wine. He drinks it faster than he has ever drank anything in his life.

Okay that’s a lie, but he does knock it back impressively quickly.

It settles his shaking hands, and he pours a second glass a bit more steadily before they all move into the living room so they can all sit.

They talk a little before Fjord finally asks what’s on everyone’s mind.

“So, Yasha, you said you were from Canada, right? What brought you to the states?”

Yasha’s smile falls a little bit, and Zuala takes her hand in something like support, Caleb thinks. Maybe they shouldn’t have asked.

“Ah, that is…” Yasha trails off, squeezing Zuala’s hand in hers. “I come from a very large family, one that’s very traditional. They had a whole life planned out for me, had all but arranged a marriage for me. But I fell in love. They didn’t like it. They already took issue with my abilities and me falling in love with Zuala, it was a tipping point. So we picked up and left. Opened ZuZu’s here a few years back and got married not long after. It’s been, what, five years? Best of my life.”

Zuala smiles so softly at Yasha that it twists something deep in Caleb’s chest, and makes him feel so warm and content he almost doesn’t know what to do with himself.

That might also be the wine, but potato, tomato. It’s a good thing he and Veth took a cab here.

“What about you, Fjord?” Zuala asks after a bit, breaking the silence. “What brought you to the East Coast? If I remember right, Yasha told me that you and Jester both told her you were from California?”

“Oh yeah, we both grew up in San Francisco. We met through some Facebook page that was for our college, people looking for roommates and whatnot. Found out we’d lived a few miles away from each other almost our whole lives and had never met before through some stroke of luck, but we met up for coffee a few times, and decided that we could handle sharing an apartment, and we moved across the country together. Talk about moving fast, huh?” he jokes and Jester all but cackles at that. “But I think I’ll end up staying here. Nothing much keeping me in California, now.”

“Why not?” Yasha asks softly, her words ever so slightly wine-slurred. At that thought, Caleb pours himself another glass. He’s definitely had too much to drink already. He sips at this glass anyway.

“Well I, uh. Don’t got any family to go back to, really. Closest thing I had was a foster dad who I lived with most of my life, but he died just after I turned eighteen. That’s why I don’t really use a last name most of the time. My last name’s just the street that the church I was left at was on. I worked some odd jobs over there, worked on a boat for a while to save up for school, and I guess I could go back to any of those, but it’s nothing I’m real tied to, y’know? I like it here a hell of a lot more.”

“And I’m here now! And I really love my mama and I miss her, but I’m probably going to stay here too because I like it here, and you wouldn’t want to leave me, right, Fjord?” Jester says, with a bat of her eyelashes.

Fjord rolls his eyes, but still agrees. “Wouldn’t want to leave you for the world now. Went and got under my skin.”

Jester laughs again. “It’s really funny that we became roommates, when you think of it, especially cause you’re so old, Fjord, but I’m really glad we did, cause you’re a good friend.”

“Hey!” Fjord protests. “I’m not old! I’m twenty five! Caleb’s old!”

Caleb protests too, his words definitely touched by the alcohol. “M’not that old. M’only twenty nine.”

A lot of eyes swivel towards him all at once.

“You’re only twenty nine, Caleb?” Mollymauk asks, and Caleb nods, a sad sort of smile on his face. “What the hell happened to you to make you age like that?”

It’s teasing, and Caleb can tell it, but a combination of the honesty in the air and the too much wine Caleb’s had makes him answer, “Torture, mostly, I think. Maybe the brainwashing? The experiments probably? But definitely the torture. Yes, definitely that,” he says into his near empty wine glass.

The room is too quiet.

Veth takes the glass away from him.

With nothing in his hands to look at now, Caleb looks up, curious about the sudden silence.

“Oh. I’ve ruined the mood now, haven’t I? My apologies.”

“No, Caleb, Jesus, you… What the hell are you talking about?” Beau asks, and Caleb shrugs in response.

“Well you know, the whole,” he gestures to himself and then makes a vague wave at empty air. “The Ikithon thing.”

It occurs to Caleb now that he never really looked at how much information was released to the public. It was enough to identify him and Astrid and Eodwulf. It was enough that some people thought he should be in jail for what he’d done. But after everything, he’d avoided anything having to do with the case like the plague. He never looked at what had become a matter of public record. It was too painful to dig through all of that just to find out what was missing. People knew enough. That was all that mattered. People knew, and they knew enough.

Now though, Caleb kind of wishes he had checked to see what the public knew. Cause now he’s gonna have to talk about it.

Fuck.

~*~

“Caleb, what do you mean, the Ikithon thing?” Veth asks gently.

She’s wringing her hands like she does when she gets nervous, and Caleb hates that he’s making her nervous. Best get it over with then, right? He can get it over with quick? For sure.

“Ah, Trent Ikithon,” and just saying the name makes Caleb cringe, but he presses forward anyway, “selected me, and two others for scholarships to the Soltryce Academy when we were young. He took us from the foster home we were in and told us he was going to give us a real home at the Academy, and that he was going to make us the greatest heroes this country had ever seen. And he did. He trained us out of standard classes, gave us more extra lessons than even the worst remedial student so that we’d be in peak form all the time. But then we…” Caleb trails off and mulls it over in his head for a moment, and when he speaks again, the word is very slurred, “plateaued.”

“You hit a point where you had mastered your abilities at that time as best you could. Everyone hits that point when they’re young. Your powers probably weren’t fully developed yet,” Beau mutters.

“Sure. But he did not like that,” Caleb counters, because Ikithon really hadn’t. He’d hated it when they’d started making less and less progress with each week, even though there was no more progress that was physically possible to make. “So he started brainstorming ways to make us better, and then he started trying them and that was just… the worst.” Caleb sloppily pushes one sleeve up, without thinking, and pokes experimentally at one of the old scars there, still shiny and standing out against the rest of his skin. Nothing happens, not that he was expecting anything to.

Everyone around him gasps though, and he looks up, curious what’s surprised them all so much.

They’re all staring at him.

“Christ almighty, Caleb,” Fjord mutters.

“What did that?” Jester asks, with none of her characteristic cheer. That makes Caleb a little sad. He doesn’t like that Jester sounds sad.

“Ah, Ikithon did. It was one of his ways to try to make us better. He would put, ah, crystals? In our skin, to see if they would enhance our powers. They didn’t. But he tried for a while.” Caleb pokes at a couple more scars and then tugs his sleeve back down and sighs. “After a while he gave up with the experimenting and just became cruel, and then he got tired of that and decided to be more direct in his methods. Ikithon can control minds. Like Mollymauk, but more powerful. So he just, took us over for a while. Made us his puppets. We did some truly unforgivable things. That was when he was caught but the damage had already been done. That’s the Ikithon Thing.”

“Fuck, Cay.”

Caleb’s not sure who says that, Mollymauk maybe, but he can’t help but agree. A laugh that’s a little self-deprecating and a little hysterical bubbles out of his chest, and he is helpless to stop it for a solid few seconds.

“It’s not funny,” he says, through the tail end of the laugh.

“It’s horrifying.” There is more emotion contained in those two words from Yasha than Caleb knows how to deal with, especially with his level of drunkenness.

“So!” Mollymauk exclaims, cutting through the tension with all the grace of a speeding MAC truck. “Who else wants to share their deep rooted trauma?”

It’s a joke, just barely, and it does the job, though it lacks the usual finesse of Mollymauk’s humor.

“Well,” Beau says, with a sound that’s almost a laugh but really isn’t. “My parents only ever wanted a good son, and when they got me instead, they got so pissed about it that they shipped me off to Cobalt against my will and had a son to replace me. I think they even gave him the same name as me, cause they always wanted a son named Beauregard. Never met him though, so who knows. Doesn’t matter much. That’s nowhere near as bad as--” Yasha cuts Beau off before she can finish that sentence.

“Trauma is not a competition,” she says, quietly but firmly. She leaves no room for argument. “You wouldn’t tell me that what I’ve lived through doesn’t matter, because what Caleb’s experienced is worse. Don’t do it to yourself either.”

Beau looks properly chastised, but not upset by that. She looks almost happy, like she’s pleased someone’s finally acknowledged what she’s been through. Caleb thinks it might be the first time anyone ever has. That makes him sad, but there’s time to be sad later, Mollymauk’s talking now.

“Uh, two years ago,” Mollymauk says, and he twists his fingers together and looks as unconfident as any of them have ever seen him. “Yasha found me in the back alley behind ZuZu’s, beaten to hell and back and completely out of it. She brought me to the hospital and stuck around for a bit, to make sure someone came for me, but I had no ID, nothing on me, not even a phone. I could barely even talk. Yash brought me back here and helped me get back on my feet and even after I was starting to be a person again, she let me stay and gave me a job. Mollymauk Tealeaf is a name I came up with on the fly when I needed to get a new ID. I uh, I’ve got no idea who I am.”

“They couldn’t track your tattoos? Find out where they’d been done? Those are pretty extensive and specific,” Beau asks.

“No. I got these after. As a way to become… me, y’know? I just cropped up into existence one day in this body I didn’t recognize. Thought I might as well make it mine.” Mollymauk rubs his hands together and lets out a deep breath. “Welp, I never wanna have to talk about myself again and that’s saying something! Someone else say something.”

Veth takes a huge swig from her flask, drains it dry, and then says, in what seems to be all one breath, “I have a husband and a son who live right here in this city and I haven’t seen them in over a year because I got my powers then and I’m terrified that I’m going to lose control over my form and that my mind will go with it and I’ll hurt my family.”

All eyes snap to Veth.

“You have a son?” Jester asks, a little excited and a lot sad.

“His name is Luke, and my husband’s name is Yeza. I don’t quite remember how I got these powers, but I remember it was an accident that happened when I got jumped on the way to the subway station one night.  I fought back, and hurt a few of them pretty badly, but, something happened, and I just… I woke up like this. Melting from one thing to the next. Not myself anymore. And I was too afraid to go home, and that was when I found Caleb, and I recognized him, so I knew he’d be able to keep himself safe if I lost control, so I thought it was okay to stay. I thought he could teach me some control too, so that one day, I can go back to my husband and son. I text, sometimes, and I send them things, toys for Luke, or chemistry equipment for Yeza, he’s a very gifted chemist, but it’s not the same.”

There is a beat of heavy oppressive silence, before Caleb breaks it.

“I thought all that chemistry stuff was cause you were making drugs.”

Veth blinks up at him once, twice, three times, and then bursts into peals of uncontrollable laughter, that spreads through the group faster than any of them care to admit.

Before they know it, they’re all wheezing with, cackling and giggling and nearly rolling out of their seats.

And it feels good. It feels good to know these important things about each other, to know why they each are the way they are, and it feels really good to laugh like this with each other.

If Fjord and Caleb are a little teary-eyed and Jester and Veth have tears running down their faces, no one comments. How could they?

This is the closest they’ve ever been as a group, as friends, as a fucked up little family, and Caleb finally admits to himself, with no conditions added, that he likes this.

He likes this ragtag little family they’ve begun to build, in a rather pathetic attempt to create a team.

No ‘and’s, no ‘if’s. He just likes this.

[ispywaldo]

For those of you who STILL think women be out here complaining about “all forms of intellectualism, opting instead for stupider men and not for men who care about the mind and the development of our thoughts and whateverthefuck” (TLDR: we ain’t)

Let me preface this by saying that both me and my current boyfriend go to one of the top universities in America, that we met each other through the honors program of our school, and are generally very smart people in the subjects we care about. We both care about learning. We both care about figuring stuff out we didn’t before, solving problems, and Doing Shit (tm) 

The characters: 

Me: A History Major

My Toxic Ex: A Math guy, did coding 

My Current Bf: A comp-sci/math double major

Me: (Jokingly) ALL FOOD IS CORN. ALL HAIL OUR CORN OVERLORD, OUR CORN KINNGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!

My Toxic Ex Bf (TEB): actually though, it’s not just corn. It’s various forms of corn. You can’t just say all corn because that isn’t really what it is. First of all, there are various different plant species of corn. Then there are also various different kinds of corn products like corn syrup and cornstarch aren’t the same thing (bla blah balaaadibaladkfl) 

My Current BF: ALL HAIL ALL HAIL ALL HAIL THE CORN KING!!!!!!!

Me: (says something dumb I think is correct about computers or coding or something) 

TEB: (gives me a face to signal that that’s not remotely correct, and how could i not understand something so basic, despite knowing me for two years and understanding that I basically havent touched a computer in my life) that’s not true at all. (Proceeds to over-explain a concept I neither know anything about or really particularly care about learning, often using large and “intellectual sounding” words to signal his Vast and Superior Knowledge (tm) on the subject) 

BF: (fully understanding that I understand no technology past 1960 cuz im an old school hoe) LOL. NO. LMAO. Oh bby. Oh bby i love you so much but noooooooo. no. (proceeds to give me a very simple and quick explanation, laughing with me, and not at me) 

Me: bby i miss youuuuuu (sweetly, jokingly) 

TEB: listen, every time you say i miss you it honestly feels like you’re asking too much of me. Like i cant always be there for you. I don’t understand how you could miss me you saw me yesterday. What more do you want me to do

BF: lol youre so funny you saw me yesterday. I love you too you dumb butt

Me: (at a taco store) what the fuck is baja fish? Is that like... a place fish come from... or a specific fish Type... or like... a way of cooking fish... or 

TEB: (doesn’t matter if he knows what the fuck it is or not, he will give me some explanation of whatever it is he THINKS it is at the very least) (fully aware I grew up in a bilingual household and occassionally don’t know basic shit) 

BF: huh i have n o c l u e. It’s good tho do you want some of mine cuz im gonna order it. 

Me: I want,,,,, game on computer,,, compoop is bad

TEB: (complex reasons I can’t play games on my current computer and what specs are wrong and what specs i would need and if i want to buy a new computer i should do x, y, z) 

BF: (fully understanding that I already fucking know that my laptop is shit because if you look at it it’s literally falling apart) lol if you really want to invest in a gaming laptop i can look at some with you 

Me: (says an opinion on something that I’ve thought a lot about and would like to rant to my love about) 

TEB: I agree, but (plays devil’s advocate. like he always does. for literally everything) 

BF: hmm yeah I think you’re right. 

Here’s the motherfucking thing y’all: my current boyfriend is really smart. He’s really, really smart. He’s deeply passionate about what he studies, he loves solving complex problems, he’s into the things he loves and I’m into him. 

I’m also very smart. Like really really smart. i’m deeply passionate about what i study and i love solving complex problems. I’m into things I love, and he loves me. 

My ex boyfriend, who, in case you were wondering, knew me for and dated me for much longer and should have known me better than my current boyfriend, was also very smart. very passionate. 

so what’s the difference? My current boyfriend and I know that the other person is smart. It doesn’t matter if either of us says or does soemthing stupid. It doesn’t matter how many times we ask a dumb question, an “obvious” question. If we don’t know something that seems like common sense to the other, it doesn’t fucking matter, because we each respect each other, know the other person is smart, and any lack of information the other person might have doesn’t fuck with that or make it any smaller. we are each intelligent in our own ways, know our own specific information, have lived our own specific lives, and that’s okay. 

My ex though? He didn’t feel smart unless he was proving it, and he had to prove it by being smarter than others. He was “smart” because he was smartER. No matter what I said, whether it was a joke, or obviously something I might not know given my context, he would immediately correct me, immediately fix my ‘mistake,’ immediately argue the counterpoint (whether he agreed or didnt). He couldnt take a joke bc he was too busy thinking of ways to try to seem smart. 

Both of these people were smart, and i’ll admit that, as much as I hate my ex boyfriend, but one of these people is confident in their own intelligence and doesn’t feel the need to drag others down whereas the other was obsessed with belittling others as proof of their magical brain and passion for academia. 

It’s a red flag ladies, if you didn’t already know it. These are the kinds of people that need to make you feel small in order to make themselves feel big, and that gets ugly really fast. For example, my ex boyfriend ended up sexually abusing me. So yeah, I don’t fuck around with this, and neither should you. 

Never be with anyone who makes you feel small and doesn’t let you be stupid sometimes. You should feel safe in saying dumb things. We’re human. You can’t be perfect all the time, and you shouldn’t be expected to be. 

[viostormcaller]

Okay so I'm gonna go on a little bit of a rant here. It literally doesnt mean anything, it's not serious by any means and is extremely superficial. It's just a few issues my mom and I have both been having and I just wanna get it off my chest because it's been really nagging at me.

So, about a year ago, mom and I both invested in new laptops from Lenovo. At first, we both really liked them, considering what we paid for them (and considering how long it took to wait for mine, almost forgot about that part). But now... kinda wanting an upgrade even though it's only a year old (not that I can afford one, of course, and I'm not about to ask). Course, it still works (not well, sadly, but it does), and so does my mom's, but I've heard her say on more than one occasion that she absolutely hates her laptop.

I think the main reason I'm so disappointed is because of the battery life. Now, it's a laptop, I shouldn't expect much, but to put it into perspective, a few years back I was using a dinosaur of a Toshiba laptop, which was already years old by the time I got my hands on it. This thing had like no battery life. Lasted 3 hours (if even that, I think after a while it lasted 1 hour) off charger. When I was looking for a new laptop after that one completely broke, I was looking for something with longer battery so I didn't have to wear down the battery life by keeping it on the charger 24/7. So when I got this new laptop (it's the Legion Y520 btw) and saw the battery life was the exact same that I had been dealing with, I was really disheartened. But I wasn't about to complain because, of course, mom was paying monthly for this thing and it was pricey (she just finished back in december), so I was very grateful to have something that runs games well (and actually runs Subnautica without many issues) and I can watch videos in the highest quality settings (which I was super impressed with. Even now I'm still impressed with that fact).

Now, though, mom and I are having deal-breaker issues. One problem on my end that absolutely does not have a fix, is the fact that when I close the lid of the laptop, it acts as if it's still open. So if I minimize chrome, shut the lid, and leave the room (or even, if I go to bed), sometimes I'll hear noise coming from it. When I open it up, it turns out that chrome had re-opened and was playing a video somehow (and you can imagine my absolute fucking confusion when I walk in the room or wake up to hear Jack or Mark screaming). This happens every few days and I don't know if I should blame the cats (who like to run on my computer often), but even so, if the lid is closed that should not happen! It should be in sleep mode. And, I've noticed that the keyboard lights dont always shut off when I shut the lid, so the computer acts as if it's still on even though the screen is black.

Another huge issue: sometimes it won't allow me to start the computer at all. Either it does one or two things. It A) stays on a black screen with the keys all lit (meaning it's on but nothing's happening), or B) it'll stay on the lock screen page frozen so I cant click anything or enter in my pin to get into the computer, meaning I have to manually shut it off and turn it back on using the power button (which scares me because I dont want this computer to blue-screen-of-death on me because I have to do that almost every day). Then, once I do that, the backlight on the keyboard flickers for a few seconds before the computer turns on. Most of the time, though, starting up the computer from sleep mode after I had just been using it takes an unnecessarily long time, and it's super frustrating if there's something immediate I'm trying to do (like catching an upload from Jack). And I'm not gonna get into the issues with the keyboard and touchpad, because almost every review I've seen says the same thing: poorly designed, not very responsive to touch, yadda yadda yadda.

With mom's computer, I've watched it, while she was in the middle of using it, completely shut off on her. The screen went black and she could not turn it back on, even when pressing the power button. It was on the charger, so it didn't die. It just shut off. Also, her computer runs chrome very poorly for whatever reason, almost as if it's incompatible, so she can't even use that browser on her computer because it gives her too many issues. On top of that, she can't watch videos because it buffers and freezes way too much (which sucks because she bought the computer in part to watch videos on), and even when she's just using it normally it glitches out and freezes and she can't do anything on it at all, meaning she has to rely on her phone for a lot of things. She's also in college, like I am, so this isnt ideal if she wants to get things done. Plus, I've noticed her touchpad is way too sensitive, to the point where I can't use it to scroll up or down at all. Idk how to fix that though, didnt see any options for it but maybe I'll take another look and see if I really can't help her.

I can't afford to send mine in; not because of the price (if there even is a fee for sending it in for repairs, idk if mom bought mine with warranty), but because it's my first week in school and I cant take the risk of sending mine in and not having it for about three weeks since I don't have any other way of doing my school work. I dont wanna fail or get dropped from my class. Plus I've read that their customer service is outsourced in India, so I don't know if that's where my computer will get shipped to, but if I have to be without it for too long then it isn't worth trying to get them to fix it. I've also heard bad things about their customer service (and actually recall having a bad experience with them when I was trying to get my computer in the first place. Don't remember them being particularly helpful).

I know I can't afford a new gaming computer right now, so I probably wont be in the market for one for at least a few years (or whenever this thing eventually breaks), but I'm so afraid that my laptop will break before then. I can't afford to lose it but it feels like, with every forced restart, I'm getting closer to having it fall apart. I desperately need a computer on hand for school, now more than ever. It is great for gaming, but right now I'm mostly using it for school, and my computer absolutely needs to be powerful enough to run the Adobe software and other game design programs when I get to those classes in school (this is exactly what my advisor told me, too, so I'm a little bit nervous about this). I'm hoping it holds up until then, but as of right now, I'm extremely worried for it. The fact that my mom is also having issues with her laptop gives me some comfort, at least. I'm not alone, so I feel alright complaining about it (if I was alone in this I wouldnt say anything. Gotta be grateful for what I have, considering I could be much worse off). At least one thing's for sure: neither of us are purchasing anything else from Lenovo when we need to get new computers (and I believe my mom's replacing hers sooner rather than later, considering it barely works properly).

TDLR; both mine and my mom's computers are having major issues, I can't risk sending mine in to get it fixed, there are no fixes for mine that I could try that worked, and I'm extremely worried it'll break sooner rather than later because of constant forced restarting.

[tumblunni]

Okay the BIG TODAY THING

It seems i might possibly be gone for six months

I've been talking with my support worker about taking a course at this place thats uhh apparantly gonna help me get better with the depressions and stuff. And we had a meeting to go look around the place and make introductions and stuff but i had NO IDEA it would be all such short notice! I might have to move in IN TWO DAYS FROM NOW, what the fuck!!! And like if its not that its gonna be at the end of the week or next tuesday at the latest. Im so fuckin unprepared and im really freakin out!!

..uhh...how to describe it..well i guess its literally a mental asylum? But it's absolutely NOTHING like the horror movie stereotype! Its not a hospital with cages or locked rooms, its just like a big comfy cute shared house. Like a bunch of completely normal small apartment rooms but they just happen to be all connected to a shared kitchen and stuff and have on site nurses and a big schedule of therapy sessions and group activities like pottery class or bowling. You have the freedom to come and go as you please if you're on "voluntarily admitted" status (that's me!) and even if you're on what they call "sectioned" its still not scary loss of all your freedom. The highest level of sectioning is just like "requires an escort"? You're still allowed to go outside but you have a higher level of supervision from your key worker because you could potentially be a danger to yourself. But that's very rare and most people are only on maximum sectioning for a few weeks at the start of their treatment, if they've come straight from a situation of self harm or other concern factors. Most of the "sectioned" patients just have a time limit on how long they can spend on unsupervised outside activity. It's a pretty generous 8 hours apparantly!

So yeah i was getting worried about nothing, thinking i was gonna be in big scary solitary confinement and locked inside a tiny broom closet or jabbed with brain lazers. It honestly just seems like a summer camp resort for adults! And everyone there seems very nice, and im excited for being able to learn life skills like cooking and potential steps towards getting educational qualifications someday. And to have the help of a more specialist support worker who can assist me with even the smallest little problems. Like this nice lady Tazmin (who might be the one i get?) was saying how they've had other people with social anxiety before, and how we could plan "gradual exposure" to all the things that scare me. Like she said she'd be able to come with me and we'd take the bus and them get off at the next stop. That'd honestly be really helpful to help me get over being scared of the crowded spaces on buses, but i'd never be able to do it normally cos i'd be too embarassed taking such a short bus ride. Plus well itd be a waste of money,but if i'm a patient here i would get a free bus pass so it wouldnt be a problem.

Oh and the area seems really nice! Its so different from my stupid house right now in a crowded neighbourhood with NOTHING but houses everywhere for a mile! Its seriously almost a mile's walk to the ONE SINGULAR SHOP IN THE AREA and they close on sundays and dont sell vegetarian food. :( This area around the shared house thingie is a really nice bustling shops place but not super shops? Like i mean its a lovely village that has all the small shops you need, not a huge skyscrapers busy tourist place. The perfect balance of conveinient and not scary! They have a library and a park so close to the place, and a bazillion charity shops holy FUCK im so excited to have charity shops again!! I think you call them thrift shops in america? But i just always really love bargain hunting and finding nice surprises in places like that! And there's places to do pottery classes and group trips sometimes to do stuff like cinema or bowling or just having your big ol scary therapy meeting at the nice coffee shop at the end ot the road.

So yeah dont worry about me guys, im not trapped in some horribke hell place! I'm sure it'll be as non threatening as an Intensive Therapy Boot Camp can possibly be, im just still nervous as hell cos well yeah I Have Social Anxiety And That Is Why I Am Here In The First Place. Im scared im not gonna be able to succeed at this. I really wanna leave at the end and be all mentally buffed up and ready to make all these nice nurses proud!

Oh and man Richard has been so nice about this?? He was super freaked out and apologetic about it being Scary Short Notice, we had a bit of a dumb misunderstanding where he clearly told me and i clearly said yes but i somehow completely misunderstood what he was saying and thought i was saying yes to something else??? So im so fuckin glad that at the very end of the appointment right when i was gonna get out the car he was like 'oh so remember your suitcase on wednesday' and i was like WHAT. Like man can you imagine how much more terrifying it would have been if i just turned up on wednesday with no supplies but the shirt off my back and was like 'wtf where is he driving me OH GOD NO'. Bunni why you so bad at the good of talking!! Seriously richard thanks so much for clearing it up but also AAAAA i accidentally agreed to the shortest of short notice and i dont know if he's gonna be able to reschedule it!!!

And man i was there crying in his car about how i dont wanna be in hospital on my birthday, and babbling all the different things i had planned fot the next few months. And GOD DAMN MY DUMB BRAIN i ended up blurting out that i had a preorder of a videogame that i was gonna miss. And i straight up started explaining pokemon to my mental health counseller who is also a dj, how damn fake does my life sound?? Anyway he said that i'll still be able to keep him as my support worker when i get back out of this, and we'll still have weekly or monthly meetings while i'm in there. And he keeps reminding me that i'm free to leave if i feel uncomfortable, but i know that i'd feel like a failure if i did! So he legit fuckin goddamn said (THIS SOUNDS SO FAKE) that i could take a day off when the dumb game comes out, and he'd play co op pokemon with me. HOLY GEEZUS RICHARD YOU'RE LIKE THAT HOLY GRAIL OF THERAPISTS! And man he even said it wasnt embarassing for me to sleep with a teddy bear and he'd help me pack it up safe and ensure nobody saw it while we move my bags into my new room. And then i was like "uhh but also the teddy bear is a giant lifesize embarassing pokemon merchandise" and he was like "okay so we need DOUBLE STEALTH". Apparantly the new sequel to Pokemon Go is Pokemon Sneak! God he helped calm me down from this freakout so much, he's always great with lil jokes and motivational sayings. And i talked about how i first started being interested in Obscure Deep Sea Slug Facts because pokemon has some characters based on weird real life animals, and like its Very Educational Honest, And Has Appeal For Both Kids And Adults. How on earth did this turn into Motovational Pokemon Blabber Time??? Anyway thats how i ended up texting a professional psychologist pictures of gastrodon at 7.30pm.

SO

Yeah

In summary

I'm mostly just worried cos this is short notice! And cos its such a big commitment that being short notice is Super Bad. I need to friggin clean the whole house top to bottom in two days, so it doesnt get all gross and attract flies while im gone. And i need to toss out like a hundred bucks worth of frozen food that aint gonna keep for 6 months. And i need to wash all my damn clothes. And i dont even have a suitcase and this is at a terrible time where i dont get paid for a week so i cant buy a new one right now!! And damn i DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO TAKE AAAAAA

And the BIGGEST PROBLEM

Is that i wont be able to talk to you guys for half a year!!!

They dont have wifi and im not allowed to take my computer anyway. They only allow laptops and all i have is a desktop and AAAA its too short notice to save up enough to get a laptop mannnnn! Fuck man i didnt even think about that, i need to go pause my broadband internet for six months, do they even allow you to come back after that long?? And man part of me wants to ask to borrow money from friends to get a laptop but i know this time i cant promise to pay you back within the month cos AAAGH ALL OF THIS SHIT!! Like damn man if anyone is willing to let me pay back a hundred and fifty quid in 6 months??not bloody likely!! And man the only place to get a laptop in TWO GODDAMN DAYS is stupid fuckin Amazon :( but god im gonna go stir crazy being unable to do art or gamemaking or friggin anything to occupy myself!! I can bring my 3ds but i barely have any games for it and ive already finished all of them except harvest moon a new beginning which i quit cos it was bad. And the screen is broken anyway gahhh. SO MANY THINGS I NEED MONEY FOR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT IS NON CONDUCTIVE TO MONEYING

So anyway GAHH i wont have an internet connection in the house, and i'll be able to walk down the hill and use the library computers hopefully at least weekly, but they forbid all social media sites. So like can i get the emails of everyone who wants to keep in contact? Man i dont know how im gonna manage this AAAAA!!! i will send u loads of pics of scenic asylum beauty and dumb updates on my stupid life of probably very little progress.

And AGGGHHH i dont even have the time to plan a blog queue or anything fuck man geez aaaaaaaa

I NEED TO BUY A NEW PAIR OF TROUSERS WITHOUT HOLES IN THE KNEES man i cant live on singular pantage in a shared house

[pupperweed]

Hedgehog’s House

A bit of a longer one, and a bit of a more angsty one, showing  a bit more of Jim and Hedgehog’s relationship!

Word count: 1698

Hedgehog’s House

Jim washed dishes in his work clothes as he looked over his shoulder to his daughter. “Hedgehog, you HAVE to think about the opportunity cost of all this! For every hour he’s over and you’re planning, you could be doing something…” He turned off the water and turned to her, leaning on the counter, “Something useful.”

Hedgehog sighed, playing with her fingers as she looked up sheepishly at her father. She knew bringing this up to him was a TERRIBLE idea, she just knew it. “Dad, please? It’ll just be one night,” She began, looking fully at him and straightening in her seat, “And you know Oscar! He’s fun, but not dangerously so! He seems perfect for this kinda of thi-”

Hedgehog’s father hadn’t been listening. Jim cut her off, “Besides, a sleepover? Come on, Hedgehog,” He continued, shaking his head and sighing annoyedly, “Aren’t you too old for that? Don’t kids your age just...hang out?” He asked, crossing his arms.

Hedgehog’s confidence was swiftly knocked down. She shrank into herself and sighed shakily, “N-No! I mean, yeah, we hang out...we’re 13, ‘hanging out’ is the ‘cool’ thing, but I like hanging out with Oscar so much that I want to have him stay the night so we can hang out until late!” She said, putting her two index fingers together. “And you KNOW Oscar! He’s...he’s…”

She was trying to find some things about Oscar that her father would like. Truth be told, she liked Oscar for the fact that he wasn’t anything like her father...in most aspects. Oscar could be aloof at times, and sometimes his impulses lead to trouble. But Hedgehog knew that his good qualities meant nothing to her father.

“He’s quiet enough!” She exclaimed, smiling softly. She thought that would get her father off of her back, but he gave no reaction. She took off her purple hat and held it to her side. “You’re right, dad, this was a bad idea.” She lamented, making her way to the doorway. “I’ll be in my room.”

Jim sighed and rolled his eyes, “Hedgehog?” He beckoned, still leaning pointedly on the countertop. “Come back here.”

Hedgehog turned slowly and sheepishly, not ready for whatever he would say…”Yes, dad?” She held her hat to her chest, her heart slightly racing as she waited for her father’s response.

“Oscar can come over. Not SLEEP. But he can come over.” Jim caved. He knew about his being a jerk, and he knew this might be some sort of chance to...he didn’t know, redeem himself? Maybe to look better in the long run? Maybe he’s just feeling odd. He didn’t know.

Hedgehog didn’t care (at least, not now) of what her father thought of himself. She was beaming. “Yes!” She practically skipped to her room, “I’ll tell him right now! Thanks!” She exclaimed, celebrating this little victory as she closed her door behind her. She got onto her computer and quickly messaged Oscar,

“Good news and bad news, which do you want first?”

“Good new first, Hedgehog! It helps put the bad in perspective.”

“GOOD news is, you can come over tomorrow! But the bad news is you can’t sleep over.”

“Okay! I can let my parents know! How did you convince your dad to let me come over? He has trouble letting you come to me, and I see you all the time!”

“I don’t know! I don’t care! I just can’t wait to see you tomorrow!”

While all the chatter began, Jim couldn’t help but sigh to himself. Climbing out of his work clothes, he sat at his desk and looked out of the window, the same angle as at work, with the same computer and the same look on his face as he stared at cars going by…

“I made a mistake, didn’t I?”

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Oscar hadn’t really ever been inside the house Hedgehog stayed in during the summer. He’d seen the outside of it, though; a typical house for the area, stone walls, black door, very basic kind of design. It’s what it needed to be, which Oscar thought summed up Jim pretty well as he knocked on the door.

When the door opened, it wasn’t Hedgehog who answered. It was Jim. “Oh, Oscar...” Jim stated wryly. He never greeted. He only stated names of whoever was in front of him. “Hedgehog’s been waiting for you, she’s got something going on in there. First one on the right is hers.” Jim made some room in the doorway for Oscar to crawl through.

Oscar simply looked up at Jim as he spoke. “Okay! Thanks for letting me come over, Jim!” He said, moving under Jim’s arm. He moved quickly towards the room as he looked through what he’d brought with him; pencils, paper, and a pair of dice. He knocked on the door to Hedgehog’s room.

“Hi!” Hedgehog greeted Oscar, hugging him and letting him into her room.

“Hi hedgehog! I brought that stuff you said to bring,” Oscar responded in kind, hugging Hedgehog gently and patting her shoulder as he moved to set down his things, “...your room is spotless!”

Hegdehog’s room was a vibrantly calm one. It was pastel, but only the soft pastel powdery blue of the walls really stood out. The soft pink of her carpet was a remnant of the house’s era, as were the windows placed evenly throughout the room: 2 to the east and 2 in the ceiling. Along with that, a few minor things; a stained glass rose hung on one of the windows, a desk with a laptop, and a closet with a poster on it, though of what, Oscar wasn’t sure.

“Oh, it’s not that bad. I guess I could spruce it up if I actually lived here more often,” Hedgehog pondered as she shot her eyes in every direction of the room.  “I don’t know what I would do with the place, though.” Hedgehog shrugged, sitting on the floor. “Now come on, I have a new game idea!”

“Alright,” Oscar sat with her and raised his hands triumphantly in the air, “Hedgehoscar strikes again! Muahahaha!”

Hours passed…

“...Darn it! You burned all my cantans!!” Cursed Hedgehog, snapping her finger in frustration. She handed to Oscar a bunch of little orange and gray balls they’d colored with markers. “Now I gotta draw a trap card.”

Oscar laughed evilly, “Hahaha, better hope this trap card is good! Otherwise you go to the snorkel queen!” Oscar waited with baited breath…

Hedgehog drew the card, and they both looked in shock as their eyes went wide.

“SNORKEL-BE-GONE!”

Hedgehog raised her hands in victory, “Woohoo! I win!” She laughed and took all of the ‘cantans’ and brought them to her side.

Oscar laughed, wiping a tear from his eye, “Oh man, Hedgehog, Snorkelers of Cantan is probably the funniest game we’ve ever made!” he smiled, “I’ll let you keep the board pieces and all that. This one was really fun!”

A knock came on the door and Jim poked his head into the room, “Oscar, it’s-...” Jim’s eyes bulged out of their sockets when he saw the board in the middle of the floor, “WHAT have you been up to?”

Hedgehog knew that look from her father, and that she was in trouble...She stopped Oscar before he spoke, “We were, uhm...we were just making a game...and I thought, hey, since I didn’t use these for anything important, I could use them...here...heh…”

Jim opened the door fully and looked at Hedgehog. “Oscar, your mother is outside.” He said. “I think you should get going. Don’t want to keep her waiting all night. Tell your dad I said hi for me.”

Oscar stared blankly at Jim. He grabbed his things and looked over to Hedgehog, “Hey, this was a lot of fun. I Just want you to know that this was fun. And I think I have some ideas for our next board game!” He smiled weakly at her. “Hedgehoscar will return…?”

Hedgehog looked nervous, but did let her lips tick up a bit as Oscar brought up the company name, “Hedgehoscar will return…” She smiled and waved as he left. But the smile left her face as she heard the clunk of the front door. She looked up at Jim.

“D-dad, I just thought it would be fun to use this stuff! I didn’t know you would be angry about it, I-I can clean it up and I swear I won’t do it again!” She said, getting on her knees and clasping her hands together as if praying to her father…

Jim simply stood in the door and looked at her. This was the part where he usually put a long lecture about how valuable things are and that you should keep what you have on you. The boring and condescending tone.

“Dinner’s in an hour.” And with that, he walked out.

Hedgehog didn’t know why Jim let her off like that. Those were very expensive pens, a whole posterboard, and a good amount of marker ink. And her dad let her off? Not only that, but with a simple ‘dinner in an hour’? DINNER...in an HOUR…? That’s what a parent says when they have NO feelings towards what you just did. And yet she saw the look!

Jim usually didnt know why he did these things either; However, just this once, he knew. He knew why he didn’t yell, why he didn’t tell her off, why he had just given her a lifeless response to her behavior that he deemed ‘inexcusable’. And it wasn’t because, as he had overheard them say, ‘snorkelers of cantan was the best board game ever made’.

It was because he had overheard how much fun Oscar and Hedgehog had. It was fun that he had never had, and he had trouble admitting it. Truth be told, he was jealous of his daughter for having such a good friend. And he wanted to give her the same lifeless childhood he had. And he had just overheard that not only did HIS method not work…

But he’d just been shown the right way by a 13-year-old.

He was dumbstruck.

He was humiliated. And yet he knew it was for the better.

[mytearsrricochet]

ok so....inspired by the events that took place tonight (or were rather “exposed” tonight, if you will) I feel this is a good opportunity to share my own story about a similar situation. it’s been awhile since this happened and I don’t tell almost anyone about this. but I feel like talking through it step by step will help me cope. the realization about this thing happening was about 6 or so months ago I think....and I haven’t let myself think about it or really do anything with it because I've been terrified of confronting my feelings. I just wanted to put it behind me and forget about it, but we all know that’s not healthy.

so this doesn’t really relate to anything in this fandom, and it may seem too personal for me to post, but ya know whatever this is my blog and one means of posting about something that happened to me without judgment from people who already know me in the real world (besides just the internet). I'm putting it under a cut because I don’t want to bother people with this long ass story lol.

trigger warnings for abuse, self harm, suicide attempts, all that jazz

so when I was about 12 and a half or so, I embarrassingly took place in a thing that was popular back then (circa 2011/12) which was facebook roleplaying. basically what you did was create a new facebook account for a character you wanted to play, which could either be a character that was canonical or one you made up, but you were usually in a fandom. I roleplayed a character from the hunger games as I was very into the fandom at the time, but I was also very into glee then as well. that meant I was active in both fandoms equally, roleplaying with thg and glee people. it was a way to pass the time and I met a lot of cool people on there.

I became friends with a girl who was roleplaying a glee character very quickly. her real name was Emilee and I facetimed with her a lot and had her on my real facebook. she was really great and she was actually a few months younger than me. no qualms about her in this story. she role-play “dated” a male character from glee, Finn. the guy behind Finn was clearly foreign as he spoke English but pretty choppy. since I was friends with Emilee in real life (not just on facebook), I became friends with the Finn character too. the person behind the facebook account was named James. he was really nice and cool, and I didn’t really go further with him in our friendship in terms of social media. eventually though, Emilee deleted her role-play account very suddenly and blocked me on all social media. I had no idea why until Finn/James told me he would rather role-play date me. please keep in mind I was like 12/13 so this is more dramatic then than it is for me now at 19. I thought it was stupid for Emilee to ghost me like that as I liked finn/James as a friend, but Emilee was a really good friend to me and I was pissed that he would tell her that knowing it would jeopardize our friendship. again, 12 years old. this was a big deal back then.

I ended up getting over Emilee ghosting me pretty quickly, and after talking to finn/James (as my character, not about real-life issues, strictly still role-play) I decided sure why not. Emilee (her character was Rachel) was no longer around and I liked to role-play dating scenarios since I had never had a relationship in real life and I liked to act them out online.

my character (Madge) began dating James’s character Finn. they got engaged, married, whatever. by this point in the role-play timeline though, I had actually grown to know James more personally, and half our conversations were about our own lives. we became actual friends. he was really nice, and eventually, I formed a crush on him. I had never met him, facetimed, Skyped, or anything with him, I just really liked his personality. he was nice and funny and always cared about what I wanted to talk about. naturally I formed a desire to talk to him more, which I probably wrongly perceived as a crush. I just liked attention, and at that age, I was going through a hard time in my life with an abusive person that my father was dating, and I was honestly just trying to find comfort anywhere. James provided it for me.

I was getting bored with roleplaying and was getting anxiety about having a crush on someone I didnt know, so I confronted him about it. he told me he cared for me honestly, not just in the roleplaying world. that was about it at that point. I didnt know what that meant which caused more anxiety. eventually he told me he had a crush on me too, based off of the things we had talked about before, and he wanted to get to know me better. I had just celebrated my 13th birthday around this time. I vividly remember going to church with one of my friends and seeing a long paragraph he messaged me about himself. he was 17, his name was James Levine, and he was from France. I realized at that point I was too scared to tell him my age because it might scare him off, so I let him know I wasn't comfortable with sharing my age, but I shared a lot of other personal stuff like my name and whatever. he understood.

about 2 years goes by, and we are still talking and “dating”. the thing is, he has never shown me a picture of himself, we haven’t talked on the phone, we don’t FaceTime, nothing. I had requested it before, but he always blew me off. I had a really bad feeling in my stomach about it, and I think I always knew what was going on, but he was my outlet during a time where I had either bad friends or no friends, my dad was in and out of rehab, I was living with my emotionally abusive grandmother, and I had no one to rely on. I ignored what I knew in my heart because I just needed someone to talk to. it’s my biggest regret to this day.

anyway, when I was 15, I tell him how old I am. if you do the math, he is 19 by now. he’s kind of upset about the age difference, but he kind of forgets about it, I guess. nothing happened from it. I send him a selfie of me, and it’s the first time he’s ever seen me. the next morning, he sends me a selfie of him. he’s cute. we go about our lives.

he sent me recordings of songs he covered, and sometimes when I was really upset, I listened to them before I went to sleep because his voice soothed me. things seemed pretty normal, but I still had that gut feeling, and I ignored it.

one day I opened my laptop to reverse image search something for a friend, and something hit me...I could reverse image search the pictures he’d been sending me of himself. I started crying before I even clicked the search button because I knew what I was about to see. I was right. he used the picture of some 15 year old model from Portugal. before I even confronted him, I (somehow) sleuthed really well and found the model’s social media and sent him a message on all of it to let him know someone was using his pictures to catfish him. I'm not sure what he could've done about it, but I guess it gave me some satisfaction. he responded “ok”. 

finally I confronted James about it, and his first response was to tell me he wanted to delete his account and never speak to me again. he told me this was for my own good, since there was no way I could ever continue to love him after that. and for some reason...since I honestly had no one at the time...I told him to let me think bout it for a few days. I did, and I returned as if nothing happened. he still neglected to send me a picture after that, and I was pissed.

this was around the time of my first suicide attempt. with everything going on in my life, I couldn’t handle it. he was very scared, understandably, and I tried again a few weeks after the first. for this time, though, instead of being met with sympathy, he told me I was selfish and all i thought about was myself. 

around this time, he also started talking about how sick he was. I always knew he had a heart problem (he told me the specific name but I can’t remember now). he was afraid it was getting worse. whenever I had panic attacks, he would pretend his heart was acting up and leave.

now, I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD since around this time. I had started going to therapy after my second attempt, where I was diagnosed with a multitude of illnesses. one of them was PTSD and one of the triggers, though it has since been handled via therapy, was alcohol. he knew this, and one of the things he always told me was that he hated alcohol and could never drink it. this was good for my situation, as we did one day plan to meet up and get married (yeah, you don’t have to lecture me about that, I know, just keep reading). but one night, he got shitface drunk and told me all about how he had a huge crush on this girl that worked for his dad, and he really wanted to leave me because my depression and PTSD were too much for him, and he couldn’t handle me anymore. in fact, he kissed one of his best friends that night, a girl who he had been friends with for awhile and she always made me really jealous because he would talk about her so often. this sent me into a deep depression that literally took me forever to get out of. I was so hurt for many many reasons.

the next day, he asked me, as if it was no big deal, “so uh I know I told you about the girl Payton, can I leave now? I wanna go ask her out”

I just wanted to include that to note his lack of empathy. typing that made me mad all over, though it was FAR from the worst thing he did.

I didn’t talk to him for about a week, until he came back and said it was just a fascination with the girl and not a crush, and he really loved me. I foolishly said ok. 

one day, I was sitting on my computer, and out of nowhere, I got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, as if I was going to vomit, and I spent 3 hours surfing youtube to see if the audio clips he sent me of song covers were even his. I have NO idea how I did it, but lo and behold, I found the channel of a guy with those song covers. I remember clicking on a video and hearing the first notes and vomiting all over my lap. I was so upset.

let’s just say I didn’t learn. I forgave him.

he finally sent me pictures of his face, and I was satisfied with that. he sent me voice recordings of him saying my name. I let everything else go, because he did what I asked him to do. still no Skype or phone call.

fast forward a bit, and when I was 17, our relationship was really waning. we wouldn’t talk to each other for days, and when we did, it was nothing of substance. on Black Friday, I went shopping with my friends, and I found the hair dye I'd been wanting to dye my hair for awhile, this metallic blue. I sent him a picture of the bottle and was clearly excited that I had found it. he sent back, “you’d look so ugly in that, I wouldn’t date you if you dyed your hair that color”

contrary to popular belief, I did not suck it up as I did all those years before. I said “ok, guess you don’t have a girlfriend anymore”. that night I went home and dyed my hair an electric blue, and that was a mistake as I didn’t mix the color correctly, but damn if I may say I felt really confident with that bright blue hair after that.

we talked a little bit after that, and he backtracked and said he liked the blue in order to get me back. the night before our 4th anniversary, he broke up with me. and I said “ok. I'm done”. I blocked him on facebook and went on my damn merry way. I was pissed because I never found out what I wanted to know, about who he really was, but I was so done with the years of emotional abuse and neglect from him, all the lies and the insults and the long nights with no sleep and missing school because he would ask me to so he could still talk to me. what a wanker. however, right before I left the account, he told me he thought he might have cancer. I said ok cool and continued on.

fast forward a year, I reactivate the account because I am bored and I wonder if he still has the account. he does. I send a message “hi”. this turns into a few days of talking. I was in college at this point, definitely healed from the wounds he created, though I'm still very insecure about the things he pointed out. finally, I asked him, “can I know the truth?” it took him an hour to reply, and he said “tomorrow. I will tell you everything”

now, that weekend, my roommate’s friend was in town, and I wasn’t sure how that was going to be handled as she was staying in our dorm and I knew if what he would tell me was bad, I'd probably not leave my bed for days.

the day comes, and the first thing he does Is send a voice recording.

typing this part out still hurts, as I never let myself cope with what he told me. the rest of the story is old news and something I honestly don’t care about anymore, but this part just happened 6-7 months ago, and I still can hardly breathe when I think about it.

James was actually...Daniela. she was a 20 year old girl from Mexico who liked to role-play on Facebook as men. she never told anyone about it, and for some reason, instead of just telling me the truth when we decided to talk outside of our role-play characters, she lied to me. she made up WILDLY elaborate stories. I knew I couldn’t trust this person the whole time I was “dating” them, but this was another level. if you’re doing the math correctly, she also lied about her age by a few years, and our age difference was one of the many things that gave me anxiety throughout our “relationship”. 

I literally didn’t get out of bed for 11 hours. my roommate didn’t know what to do with her friend, but eventually I got up. I ended up with my fourth suicide attempt (the third was not mentioned in this story as it was not relevant to Finn/James/Dani). she Brought up the fact that she had told me (as James) that she thought she had cancer and it was very true. she still thought she did.

the next day, she acted as if everything was back to normal. as in, when we were dating. calling me baby, saying I love you. I was so pissed. but for some reason, she sweet-talked me into feeling like this was normal, and for a few days, I even went along with it. until one day, I snapped, and blocked her on everything (at this point I had gotten her snapchat too). I wanted nothing to do with her.

I unblocked her on facebook a day later for some reason, and she sent me 40 messages about how I betrayed her. my last message was “fuck off. I hope you die”.

brutal, but that was the last correspondence I have with her. and I fucking mean it. I hope nothing bad bad things happen to her. I'm still heartbroken over it, though not surprised. 

catfishing is very real, and while I knew what was happening th whole time, that doesn’t mean what happened was ok. I'm WAY better now, but the experience left me with trust issues, severe insecurities, a fear of talking about my mental illnesses because I assume I'll be judged, and a fear of getting close to people.

so yeah. there’s that. sorry about posting, but honestly, this was so therapeutic.

[kpurereactions]

She Boss | Pt. 6

Summery: She’s her own boss and theres nothing that can’t stop her from ruling the world. Except for the soft heart she sprouts from the young, handsome Korean Leader. Pairing: Kwon Jiyong x Reader Rating: Drama, Angst, Smut, Fluff WARNINGS: Language, light|heavy Violence, light|heavy Smut light/heavy

there is mention of sexual assault in this chapter, so if that makes you uncomfortable you do not have to read this. 

Part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |

You linked your arm through Jiyong’s once everyone was ready to meet in the already set up conference room that centered the downstairs. You walked in and let your eyes wonder around the octangular room. You released Jiyongs arm and made your way past the men who already sat there to sit at the head of the table. You let your head fall into your hands while you waited for everyone else to take a seat before you sighed and looked back up, you couldn't actually believe that you had lost your temper like that and you were honestly a little embarrassed. 

You folded your arms and looked around the room of men, watching as they all settled in, some of them even talking lightly. Jiyong placed a hand on your shoulder from where he stood behind you and smiled sweetly before taking the seat at your right. You sighed again and rocked back in your chair.

“Alright guys, lets get this over with.” You said looking around the room, your eyes ending on Jiyong’s, who once again smiled at you sweetly. 

You watched as everyone around you settled in and Daesung opened his laptop. You hoped there was something on there that would be worth this meeting. 

“So we know those dicks were sent here by Luca. What we don't know is who instructed Luca.” Deasung started, his hand scrolling slightly. 

“What makes you think this isn't all Luca’s doing?” You asked watching him. 

“Well I found something. Something that you personally aren't going to like, boss.” He said looking over to Jiyong, who's eyebrows furrowed together at the news.

“What did you find.”

“Phantom villages, there’s three that we know of so far. They are packed full of children to be sold off.” Deasung said timidly. You looked over and watched as the anger in Jiyong’s eyes rose. 

“Human Trafficking?” You asked. Mafia’s in Italy didnt care for Human Trafficking, there was no real money in it so you've never delt with it. Still, though you have done some pretty bad things, this seemed to make your skin crawl. 

“Are you sure they're all controlled by the same person?” Jiyong said coldly. 

“Positive. They're is one tent in each village that is nicer than the others, and theres a symbol, it looks like a satanic lion, serpent thing i can't really tell what it is, but they're all the same.” He said looking at the screen. 

“Let me look?” You asked and accepted the computer that was slid your way. 

You knew exactly what it was. A painting your grandfather had picked up from an italian art collector, something that your father and his both wanted to turn into your mafia’s symbol of fear, but you hated it. 

You hated the long, giraffe like neck that held up a decaying looking lion head that had a snakes tongue. You hated its fish like body and how grotesque the human like breasts that sat on its chest were. You just hated everything. You looked up at Vince who didnt seem to catch your gaze but chose to ignore it. 

“Have you seen this before?” Deasung asked, obviously picking up on your expression. 

“No, its just disturbing. You said closing his computer and pushing it back towards him. “So what do you want to do. This is your turf, so we will help you with what ever.” You said, reminding Jiyong.

“I want to shut them down. Ive worked too hard to get rid of the phantom villages in my area, I'm not about to let them up now.” He said leaning back in his chair, watching you nod. 

“So... field trip?” You asked with a devilish grin, sending a slight wink towards Jiyong. 

It was the first time He had seen you in something other than a dress, and he couldn't seem to get his eyes off of you. The tight pant suit you wore with your hair pulled back tightly made his pants tight and there was nothing he can do about it.

 He insisted the two of you rode together, there was no reason for you two to take separate cars, so while Seunghyun drove Ule sat in the front seat with Dino, Seungri and Daesung behind your seats.The 7 of you decided to take the biggest camp while the other boys took care of the other two, there was no reason for anyone to get a whiff of what was heppening. Everything needed to stop instantly.  With the two of you in the car the ride was fairly playful. The two of you examined one another guns, you kept fixing his tie since it never sat quite right against his chest and you couldn't help yourself but to tease the boys who sat behind you. 

The moment the tires hit dirt game faces went on. You slid back into your seat and crossed one leg over the other before cocking your gun and getting it ready, just in case. The long road to what Daesung assumed was the first camp that popped up was dusty to the point where you could hardly see two feet outside the window to your right. 

“Whats the plan.” You asked looking over towards Jiyong who shifted in his seat. 

“Hopefully there will be someone in the camp monitoring the grounds,” He said shifting towards you. “We will go in and immediately remove the children. We have an orphanage were close with from when these phantom villages were all over the place and the children will go there temporarily. Once the kids are removed and won't be scared, we get our information.”

You nodded and were thinking about kissing him before starting but the car slid to a stop before you had the chance. His hand that was still wrapped around your squeezed it as his door was open and you watched him as he stepped out, adjusted his suit and held a hand out to you to help you out of the same door as him. 

You first impression of the village was heartbreaking. Dirty children scattered around with terrified eyes that seemed to lighten up when they saw you. You followed Jiyong up the rest of the path, your hand reaching behind you just to double check the gun that sat in your waist line. You walked through the center of the village towards the large tent with the creature on the side, but before Jiyong could walk into the tent you touched his arm. 

“Im going to stay out here with the kids, try to talk to them.” You said stopping him. 

He smiled and nodded before letting his hand squeeze yours and walking away. You turned as he busted into the tent and looked towards the group of maybe 20 kids. Ule was on your right and by reading the body language of those in front of you he was scaring the children. You sighed and felt your heart get heavy. 

“Stand down solider.” You said softly, but so the kids could hear you while touching him slighting. His shoulders relaxed and he looked down be for giving the group of kids a sweet smile. 

You took a step forward and watched as all eyes flicked back towards you, and you gave them a sweet smile. 

“Whats your name?” You ask softly to one of the younger kids in the front. 

“776″ She said softly making your heart drop. 

“Your real name darling.”

“Jisoo.” 

“Jisoo, Im here to save you guys okay? I don't know what these people have been doing to you, but its not going to happen anymore okay?” You said running your thumb gently over her cheek. 

She began to nod but then jumped into your chest when a loud gunshot came from the tent. You hugged the child and looked over your shoulder to see Jiyong walking out of the tent. He sighed annoyingly before nodded at you once and when you nodded back he picked up his phone, mumbled some words and hung up. You turned back to the children and stroked Jisoo’s hair once before finding one of the older children. 

“Whats been going on here?” You asked in a little bit more stern of a voice.

“We don't know. We've all been taken and left here. Once or twice a day men come an take a kid or two and then just leave like nothing is wrong.” He said softly. 

“Are you taken from your families?” Jiyong said steping up a little to quickly, making Jisoo cower in more to your side. 

“Its okay, he won't hurt you.” You said softly bending back down to take her little hands away from her face to show you your kind smile. She nodded once and you turned your attention away from her and back towards the tall boy. 

“Most of us yes. They take us form getting off the school bus or from playgrounds, but they've recently just been pulling kids from orphanages since theres really no one to make a big fuss about them disappearing,” He said nodding his head towards Jisoo who clung to you tighter. 

It took you a second to recover from your heart breaking slightly. Your head snapped around and your business face turned on as you turned to face Ule. “Get all the kids names and match them with missing kid reports. They're all going home today. One of you call the others to tell them to get those kids names too.” 

“Our lead shot himself the moment we walked in.” Guying said to you in an annoyed voice before turning back to the children. You sighed and watched him, not sure if you should go in to see for yourself or if you should stay out here and help. He just looked so upset. 

The clean up went easier than you thought it would go, but with Jisoo clinging to you for dear life now you were sure what to do. She had no one, and as hard as your men looked no one could find a report that listed her missing. At this point more then half the children had been taken out of the village and were returning home to their parents where they were given a brief description of what had happened and how they were lucky the kids were found before anything really bad had happened. Jisoo was sleeping against your back, her little arms wrapped tightly around your shoulders and her ankles wrapped tightly around your waist. 

You sat next to Jiyong who was just hanging up the phone and rested your head against his shoulder. He smiled down at you and placed a kiss on the top of your head. He went to wrap an arm around you but was stopped when he noticed the child clinging to your back. 

“What do we do with her.” You said looking straight forward, your eyes tracing over all the foot prints in the sand. 

“I don't know, we will figure something out though.” 

It was the last group of kids to be taken out of the camp so everyone climbed into the van. Your hand found its way into Jiyong’s who smiled down at you. Jisoo was curled into your lap, a soft smile toughing her lips as Jiyong stroked her hair back softly. 

“Seeing you like this is putting thoughts into my head.” He whispered into your ear. 

“No I could never... I... I can't be a mom for fucks sake.” You whispered making him chuckle.

“Maybe not now. But eventually I can see it.” 

You smacked his arm slightly making him chukle and pull you in to kiss your temple. 

Everything had worked out. A mother who's daughter had been taken saw the terrified look in Jisoo’s eyes and asked you where her parents were. You could see her heart breaking when you just shook your head, she knew exactly what that meant. 

“Whats going to happen to her?” She asked you, fear in her eyes as she tightened her grip on her own child. 

“Nothing bad, not as long as Im alive. But I don't know.” You said nodding once. 

You watched as she set her child down and whispered something in her ear. You watched as the child’s face lit up as she looked over to Jisoo. You watched as the mother reached for your hand and led you a step or two away from the two girls who were now talking quietly to one another. 

“I would like to take her,” The mother said. “I know what you do, but I also know you want the best for that little girl. Let her come with me, let me raise her like my Eunha’s sister, like my daughter. She will be safe with me. Please let me do this for her.”

You smiled and nodded at the older woman, believing everything she had said.

“Treat her as your own forever, please.” You said taking her hands and smiling softly, knowing that this was the right thing for everyone. 

Jiyong came up behind you and thanked the mother, bowing slightly and reaching into his front pocket. 

“If you need anything, at any time, give this number a call and we will be there to assist you. Thank you for stepping up and taking care of the child.” He said handing her the black card that had a black embossed dragon across it and gold numbers centered in the middle of it. 

You kissed his cheek after bowing to the mother and returned to Jisoo, kneeling down in front of her. You smiled to her new sister and then reached for your wrist. 

“You two are sisters now, okay?” You said with a soft smile, your fingers unclasping something on your wrist. 

“These are for you two. Keep them always and bad things like this won't ever happen to you again, okay?” You said holding out the dainty gold chain bracelets that had a single snake charm on the clasp. 

With a hug from the two girls and their mother you were following Jiyong back into the van to head home. It was a long day and you couldn't help but lean against Jiyongs shoulder, your arm draped over his lap. You watched as his fingers played with yours and even though you wanted nothing more than to fall asleep right there your mind wasn't letting you. 

Your eyes traveled from where your fingers danced with one another to the slight bulge at the top of his pants. You bit your lip wondering what he looked like fully naked, what he felt like and what he could do to your body. You haven't ever really explored your own body, the thought turned you off, but the thought of him exploring you made a heat rise through your core. Your cheeks flushed, how could your body do this to you when you were in a van full of men, especially after you just saved children from being sex slaves. But it was and the longer you looked up and down Jiyongs lower body the hotter you grew. 

To avoid embarrassment you were walking out of the van before the door could even be opened for you. You could hear Jiyong chuckle in the background as you swayed your hips a little more, he obviously noticed. As you opened the door you turned to catch his eye and with a simple wink you turned and walking into the house. 

You hurried up the stairs, he had obviously gotten your drift and you could hear him telling the men they will catch up about this in the morning, his voice coming out a little more rushed than usually. You hurried into your bedroom and immediately began to strip, your body now screaming at you for him. He reached the room to find you in nothing but the black lacy underwear and tall heels you had been wearing that day.

 You watched him as his face lit up slightly, his eyes now dancing over your whole body as he took in everything he hadn't been able to before. You crossed your arms and cocked your hip, waiting for him to do something but he seemed to be in shock. 

“You can at least close the door.” You said with a smug smile when Seunghyun had started to pass but immediately turned around when he noticed what was happening. 

He listened, reaching for the nob and bringing it closed behind him. His eyes never left you though, he didnt even want to blink in fear of possibly ruining the moment. The moment the door shut and his fingers switched the lock something in him flipped. He moved towards you quickly, one hand pulling at his tie while the other caught your body tightly. His lips crashed down to yours and he kissed you heavily. His hand moved up to tangle itself in your hair and his body pressed against yours to make you walk backwards.

This kiss broke so you could push yourself back onto the bed, Jiyong following you immediately, now fully removing his tie. You sat up slightly to meet his lips. his hands caught your back as you started to pull off his jacket, but the moment your hands met the buttons you were too lost in the kiss.

His lips pressed harshly against yours as they moved in sync. His tongue took no time in opening you up and pulling a soft moan from your chest. Your body at this point almost hurt from needing him so bad so you pushed him over. You were pleasantly surprised when he listened to you, rolling off of you and onto his back while accepting you on his lap. You began to circulate your hips, your hand reaching up to toss your hair. The sight of you like that pulled a deep groan from Jiyong causing a smile to touch your lips. Your hips still rolling you let him pull you down against him, the now bare skin of his chest pressed against your skin made it harder to resist him. Moans came from your mouth as he kneeded at your back side, and at this point the pressure in his pants seemed so hard against you, you almost felt bad. 

He allowed you to slide down his body, your fingers making quick work of his slacks. A soft chuckle came from him when you froze, all your confidence slipping as you realized how real this had gotten. You watched him as he sat up and reached for you, pulling you into his body. He kissed you gently, his hands pulling you so you were propping yourself up on his thighs. 

“I knew you were going to fast.” He chuckled against your lips making you blush. 

“I still want to.” You said bringing a knee up so you could sit on his lap again. 

“Oh thank god.” He breathed. “I didnt know if I could come down from this.” He said making your chuckle. 

His arm wrapped around you and in one swift motion he had you on your back, a playful squeal leaving your lips as he did so. He hovered above you for a second, pushing your hair to the side to free your face completely before letting his body rest on yours, your lips meeting once more. Even though the kiss wasn't as rough or fast as before it held the same amount of passion. His lips pressed against yours, your jaw and your neck in turns leaving you trying to catch your breath. He undid the front clasp of your bra without permission, not that he needed it, but the moment your breasts were free he began touching them softly till your body was arching to press yourself agains this hands harder. 

What you didnt realize was he was trying to figure your body out. Every kiss, every soft touch compared to a hard one told him everything he needed to know about you so by the time he was kissing down your body and taking your underwear with him he had you pretty much figured out. There was only one part left. 

But as he kissed back up your body to your lips and lowered himself on you, the tip of his member softly kissing your core everytihng started to get too real. His body felt like 1000 pounds on your chest and panic began to set in as faint male voices that weren't actually there messed with your mind. You began to breath hard, the feeling of not being able to move your arms or legs took over your body as the panic set in. Your breath grew loud and staggered, your eyes squeezing shut as the feeling of being held down came over you. You squirmed harshly under him and got enough strength to pushed him off of you, why you thought you could do this you didn't know. 

You were so embarrassed, the panic still heavy in your heart as you pushed yourself as far from him as possible. Your knees were brought up to shield your naked body and your face rest against them as you wrapped your arms around your head. 

There was no noise from the other side of the room, or maybe there was and you just couldn't hear it over the sound of ringing in your ears. You scolded yourself. You knew well that Jiyong would never do anything to you that would make you feel uncomfortable, he's proven that much already. You hated yourself for not being able to trust him completely. 

But for the first time since it happened, you had felt lust. So that meant something right?

You didnt even realize you were crying until you sniffled back a set of unwanted tears. Thats when the sound of your name being said quietly came through the room. You shook your head, not being able to look up at him. How could this happen. 

You felt the bed dip next to you, and through the crack of your elbow you could see Jiyong kneeling next to you, his hands risen slightly off his thighs as if he wasn't quite sure if he could touch you or not. When you finally got the courage to look up at him you were heart broken. He looked at you with so much terror in his eyes, you scared him. You tried to whisper a soft ‘I'm sorry’ but nothing came out. You watched as Jiyong shook his head, even though he had no idea what could have happened he understood. 

His arms made you flinch slightly as he tried to quickly manipulate the comforter around you. You tried to apologize again but the sad look in your eyes made you stop. You needed to explain. He deserved that much. 

“Im sorry.” You started, making his eyes snap back over to you. 

“Was I being too rough? I know its your first time, but its my first time being someones first I just didnt-”

“Jiyong.” You stopped his rambling and pulled the blanket over you more before slowly reaching your still shaking hand out to touch him. “Im not a virgin.” You said softly, tears already pricking in your eyes. 

“What?”

“When I was 12 I... My brothers left me alone and... I tried to hold my own with their older friends but I said something and... They took advantage of me.” You said softly. 

“They took advantage?”

“They raped me.” 

“Oh.”