#i do get why people make them interact verbally. nonverbal communication is super hard to master and IRL Alan is just extremely skilled w it

[i3utterflyeffect]

oooooo secret content!! what did you cut

(post)

basically what was supposed to happen was that victim was about to come in and the two heard them talking to agent, so basically Yellow told Purple 'ditch me and run' much to their dismay-- they told them to go after SC instead

Yellow did also mention that if worse comes to worst that they were working on something and it's incomplete, but y'know. kind of an emergency. said that c!Alan knows where their project folder is. ofc purple promises to come back and free them asap--

i said i didn't like it but tbh the art wasn't actually that bad-- it just felt rushed and like a clumsy transition from the last panel i posted and i kind of wanted that mood to sink in because just, man... the trust issues in this au are INTENSE.

as for the program yellow mentioned i was thinking that it'd be something to interact with Alan when they're outside of his computer; the whole Dark Lord thing was stressful so yellow probably thought that they should have something to contact Alan with.

whether they have video or text is completely dependent on whether you like them interacting with Alan verbally or not, which i personally like them interacting nonverbally since it's more interesting (and also more entertaining)

[babiestbubbles]

Not sure if I already requested this here or not bc my memory is horrible, but do you happen to to have any Yuichi Usagi agere headcannons?

Oh absolutely! I only just started watching (so no spoilers pls) but I already have plenty

Yuichi Usagi agere HCs

Typically an older kiddo, usually around that 3-5 p toddler range, unless something rally bad's happened, in which case he's straight to baby space (1-2 typically) Very verbal. Constantly going on an on about his adventures and fantasies, but he needs his caretakers to be engaged in what he's saying. If they shut him down or seem disinterested he takes it really hard, sometimes he'll regress younger or go nonverbal.

This boy is ADHD personified and that only gets worse when he's little. If he's being asked to do something, or being instructed his caregivers have to level with him, make direct eye contact, and be clear with their instructions. If not, he's not going to listen, not because he doesn't care but simply because he's incapable. He actually does care, quite a lot, and feels incredibly bad for 'not listening'.

Going along with that, he suffers with crippling RSD(Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria). It's one of the few things that'll send him into baby space. He absolutely cannot deal with the idea that he's let someone down/disappointed them and needs constant reassurance.

When he is in baby space, he tends to be very quiet at first, sometimes entirely non verbal. He typically struggles to form words or sentences early on in his regression, which contributes to the quiet. A lot of it depends on why he's regressed so young.

If it's Rejection related (someone close to him is upset with him or ignoring him) then he tends to shut down and ends up not wanting to, or sometimes entirely incapable of, speech. He'll likely stay non-verbal until he feels better.

If it's some other stressor (such a major injuries or traumatic events) then he'll probably struggle quite a bit with communication. He used to stay quiet as a result (out of embarrassment), but as his caretakers have shown they can be trusted he's begun being more verbal with them, and will sometimes babble on and on endlessly. In this state, he's less worried about being listened to (because he's aware he's not always coherent) but his caretakers do make an effort to pay attention anyways, because he tends to get fussy if his needs aren't being met. He started regressing when he was still living with his Auntie. She was always going on about how he needs to grow up, and she is extremely tied to tradition, he knows she loves him but, even so, he knew she'd never approve so he had to be very secretive.

Spot was his number one lookout and impromptu caregiver during this time (mostly keeping him out of any major danger)

Tetsujin takes over as his caregiver when he moves to Neo Edo. Yuichi feels super safe in his presence Absolutely adores pacifiers, teether, etc. but always hides them behind a stuffie or blanket when he's using them, even when he's alone or around people who know about his regression. (A force of habit he picked up while regressing under his Auntie's roof.)

Super active when Little. He always wants to be doing something. He's easily pacified with cartoons but he gets bored of them after a couple of episodes, they're really only a temporary fix.

Big fan of toys. Especially baby toys, the shapes and colors make him so happy. He'll do the cutest little happy stims in response to them it's wonderful. Every time he interacts with them it's like he's doing it for the first time again. He's always so full of amazement and wonder.

Adores coloring, but needs music or a show playing in the background, or someone else there with him talking to him/coloring alongside him.

When he's happy he'll do bunny binkies (or his version) Just, the cutest little happy hops you've ever seen. His caregivers melt every single time.

That's about it for now, but I can totally do more if you'd like!

[bnha-butterfly]

Hi! Aaaaa it says reqs are open so? Dbdbbff could i pls request the twins suna and kita with a trans male autistic s/o? Like headcanons on how they interact with him or whatever u want really tbh jdndfnn just ignore this if i did it wrong and sorry if i was specific enough. Ty in advance!

 Kita, Suna, Atsamu, Osamu with an autistic trans male s/o

Hi hi random ask again fnfnf so u said u prob might take a while to get around to my request so i figured if i sent this ask in to give further detail it wouldnt like really screw with anything bc u havent started working on it yet? Presumably? Hdhdhf when i sent my req in i didnt really have anything specific in mind outside of general autism but! I did think of more details that i havent seen really talked about in general (in all kinda autism content and discussions ngl) so uh what do u think about adding to my request "low functioning" s/o like cant go to school or get a job bc its just so stressful and s/o cant cope type stuff (bc whenever theres autism representation its always the more "higher functioning" end of things which is like not everyones autism? Like its like that very one dimensional type of autism rep when theres so many different ways it affects ppl and - i am not going to go on a rant in an ask jesus christ im so sorry djdhfh) and dealing with some rejection sensitivity dysphroia/rsd?? Bc these are topics that dont really get covered and all fnfnfn its ok if u dont want/cant add this to my req tho im sorry for just randomly springing more details on you dhdhfb also sorry this is really long and wordy and if its hard to understand i tried to write it in a way thatd make sense dnfjf i just wanted to send this for your consideration ok ty! Sjdjfh 💚💚 💚

A/n - Just as a heads up I try to keep my blog as functioning label free as possible cus they lowkey make me uncomfy (don’t worry I didn’t have it in my rules so it's okay!) I’ll explain why they make me uncomfy/ why I hate them in a different post if anyone wants to know why. 

Kita Shinsuke

  This man always has a stim toy. Realistically he probably has a little pouch in his book bag that he carries with him everywhere that is just full of stim items. There’s a stress ball , a fidget cube and a few other things

Whenever you feel dysphoric he will literally remind you about how handsome you are. I mean like stand you in front of the mirror and point out all of his favorite parts of you

Definitely reminds you to be kind to your body and your brain cus they’re doing the best they can

If he has to cancel plans with you he always makes it up to you and tells you that he’d rather spend time with you.

Kita is so understanding and caring. He understands that school and work aren’t really an option for everyone for different reasons and he definitely understands that both are designed for neurotypical people.

Suna Rintaro

Rin keeps an extra pair of headphones on him at all times for if you get overwhelmed 

If you ever mention to him that you’re going to sleep or if he sending you a good night text he always reminds you to take off your binder

Sometimes he wants to hangout with the team and has to turn you down. He knows RSD can make turning down spending time together feel like a kick in the face so he always promises to spend time with you later and tell you he loves you

If you ever have a low spoons + dysphoria type of day he’s coming over and spending time with you in bed. He’s bringing some of your favorite snacks/drinks/food and one of his hoodies that still smell like him. 

His love language is quality time so he probably takes you on a lot of dates. Especially if they have something to do with your special interest or hyper fixation

Miya Osamu

He learns how to cook all of your safe foods just the way you like it.

Every morning you are greeted with a kiss to your temple and a sleepy Osamu grumbling a soft “good morning handsome” to you.

He understands that work isn’t really for you. But, sometimes he’ll take you with him to the onigiri shop with him to keep him company. 

This man would move heaven and earth to see you happy everyday without hesitation. 

He’s super responsive to all boundaries you have. Don’t want to be touched or cuddled a certain way? Okay. Need him to give you space after a meltdown/shutdown or on extremely dysphoria days? No problem.

Miya Atsumu

If you are nonverbal/semi verbal he definitely made you communication cards. He gave them to you for either an anniversary or your birthday and they are super well done. They’re laminated their color coated and they’re just lovely

He’s such a good listener. He could listen to you talk all day and never get tired. Whether it’s you just talking about insecurities while in bed together or him listening to you talk about a hyperfixation/ special interest you know he’s always willing to listen. 

Insecurities who??? Not with Atsumu around. If he is not kissing away your insecurities he’s making you “laugh away the bad vibes”. 

He always reminds you how much he loves you. He literally will not leave for practice until he gets a kiss and tells you he loves you, it’s gotten him in trouble for being late a few times but he always says he’d do it again. (and he always ends up doing it again)

[drummergirl231-2]

Happy Autism Awareness/Acceptance Day 2020!

To me, true awareness and acceptance go hand-in-hand. I still don’t mind the word “awareness,” since most people, even people who think they’re spreading Autism awareness, aren’t totally aware of what it is or what it’s like. But I also love calling it Autism Acceptance Day, because that’s what we need more than anything. 

To spread some awareness, I’d like to address some misconceptions about Autism and share some other thoughts I wish people knew/understood.

1. Autists/Aspies do not lack empathy. 

I found this thing and it explains it super well so I’ll just leave it here:

Imagine a scenario where you say something totally innocent and it triggers the person you’re talking to. They start flying off the handle at you and you don’t know why. But because they’re angry, you are, too. But since you don’t know why they’re angry, you don’t know why you’re angry, either. It’s crazy overwhelming and confusing. And you want to fix whatever you did because you don’t want this other person to be angry or hurt, but you don’t know how, because their all-consuming rage makes it really hard to think and try to put yourself in their shoes. Also, you’re scared on top of it all.

That’s what having high affective and compassionate empathy and low cognitive empathy is like. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s that we care too much, and all the super specific nuances of socializing are things we have to learn one at a time, through either our mistakes or others’ mistakes. These things don’t come naturally to us, but it’s not like we can’t learn. If I were to compare math to socializing, it’s like you all have calculators or other doohickeys to do all the math for you and we just have paper and a pencil... and no eraser. 

2. Autism is not a mental illness to be “cured.”

Now don’t get me wrong, I am ALL FOR people finding ways to help us be able to deal with the world better, whether that’s a better diet, items to block out sensory stimuli or items that stimulate, or counselling that can help us navigate social situations and talk through anxiety and/or depression. But those things don’t “cure,” us because Autism isn’t a disease or something wrong with us. Autism gives us different challenges, sure, but neutotypicals have their own challenges. 

The symptoms typically associated with “low-functioning,” Autism don’t necessarily have to be a part of Autism. Many non-verbal kids grow up to be verbal. That doesn’t mean they stopped being autistic. There was a celebrity mom years ago who claimed to “cure” her son’s Autism with a gluten-free dairy-free diet. He’d been so trapped in his head, he couldn’t engage with the world around him. She altered his diet and one day he laughed at Spongebob, and that was a turning point. He became able to interact with people and react to things on TV. It was a huge breakthrough. But he was still autistic. If you were to have plopped me down on a rug as a toddler next to a toddler like this celebrity’s son before his altered diet, you wouldn’t think I was autistic at all by comparison. But I was, and I am.

Autism is a different neurological blueprint, and yes, brain-healthy diets and detoxes can do wonders for us because it seems like our brain type does make us more susceptible to negative effects from neurotoxins. But if you think someone has lost their Autism just because “the bad parts,” went away... no. That’s not how it works.

3. Not everyone is “a little autistic.” 

When I was newly diagnosed and trying to process it, someone told me something along the lines of, there there, we’re all a little autistic. But that’s not true. There are a lot of traits associated with this brain type, and yes, a neurotypical person can have a few of them. That doesn’t make them a little autistic. To be considered autistic at all, you’d have to have a large number of quirks plus social delays (not associated with excessive technology use), odd or repetitive behaviors, unusual and intense interests, communication struggles, and unusual sensory processing. Suppose you’re white. If you are white, this should be easy to imagine. Say an African American just told you about some of the challenges they’ve faced, whether it’s race-based bullying in school or racial profiling later on. Would it be appropriate to say, “There there, we’re all a little black?” NO. One, it’s false. Two, while all people struggle with stuff because to be human is to struggle sometimes, the struggles of different groups of people are totally different, and you can’t say you know exactly what it’s like or pretend everyone’s the same. We all have equal dignity and worth, but beyond that, everyone’s different. Don’t pretend differences don’t exist. Just value them.

4. Autism doesn’t have a “look.”

When I tell people I’m autistic, this is usually what I hear: “Wow! I wouldn’t have guessed! You don’t look autistic.”  ...What does that even mean??? Is it supposed to be a compliment? Because if it’s a compliment I “don’t look autistic,” then that’s kind of an insult to other autistic people. Or do they mean it like, “I don’t believe you’re really autistic because I have a preconceived idea of what an autistic person looks like and you don’t fit the bill so I’m not going to give you grace if you act weird?” I don’t know. Y’all say weird things too, sometimes, ya know? But Autism doesn’t have a look. There is a sort of distant intensity in our gaze sometimes... and I can legit see it when Jim Parsons plays Sheldon Cooper, but when I see an interview with him as himself, it’s gone. It’s not a fixed feature of our faces, and a talented NT could totally put it on.

5. Autism presents itself differently in boys and girls.

You know how not a lot of people know the symptoms of heart attacks in women because mainly people only talk about what a heart attack is like for men? It’s kinda like that with Autism, too. Typically when you hear about Autism, you’re hearing about the signs and symptoms in boys. Even most pediatricians only know to look for the way it presents in boys, which is how so many girls don’t get a diagnosis until later in life, if ever.  One difference is that, for whatever reason, girls tend to be better at nonverbal communication and taking hints. We’re mimics. Chameleons. We take on the mannerisms of those around us and who we see on TV as we force ourselves to adapt. Verbal boys might speak at unusual volumes or with an unusual voice, rhythm, or cadence, but verbal girls learn to mimic the speech patterns of others. Our special interests/obsessions aren’t typically seen as strange given our age and sex. For example, a six-year-old autistic boy might be fascinated by WWII. I was interested in fetal development. People thought, “What’s so weird about that? She’s a little girl who loves babies.” We often play with Barbies or other dolls long after our peers have stopped. It helps autistic girls process social situations. When I was shamed out of liking Barbies, I started writing stories in notebooks or in my head. Autistic boys usually struggle with social communication from an early age, but autistic girls usually don’t have any major communication struggles until adolescence, when relationships, platonic or romantic, get way more complicated.  Since little autistic girls can mimic their neurotypical peers, and since some doctors only know how to look for Autism in boys, we tend to fly under the radar, causing that huge gender gap in diagnoses.

6. Mental illness is common with Autism, but NOT part of it.

I read an article by an autist in the UK who struggles to get help for his anxiety or depression because therapists have brushed him off, saying “Well, that’s just part of being Autistic, so it can’t be helped.” NO! Just like neurotypicals can be mentally healthy or unhealthy, Autistic people can be mentally healthy or unhealthy. Just because something is common for us doesn’t mean it’s how it’s supposed to be, or that it’ll always be that way, or that it’s part of who we are and we need to embrace it. People with mental illnesses should be embraced (literally or figuratively, depending on what they’re comfortable with). Mental illnesses should not be embraced. Ever. Because autistic kids and adults often face abuse, bullying, discrimination, and are ostracized, anxiety (especially social anxiety) and depression are common for us. In more serious cases, especially in autistic teens and young adults, dissociative disorders can develop. What’s worse, it doesn’t take much looking to find the dark corners of the internet where people, autistic or not, are encouraged to embrace their developing dissociative thoughts and feelings. I once saw an interview with someone who found healing from a dissociative disorder, and she gets emails every day from others with the same disorder she had who regret some of the things they were talked into doing while living with the condition and  who want to find the healing she did. She said many of them are autistic and under the age of twenty-five. Autistic people with mental illnesses shouldn’t be talked into believing their mental illnesses are a part of them, or not mental illnesses at all, or something to celebrate and cling to. I reject the notion we should have to settle for being ill in any way. We deserve to be as healthy and whole as anyone else, and it makes me sick there are so many internet predators preying on us in this way, and that there are therapists who think Autism and mental illness has to be a packaged deal.

7. If LGBT people were treated the way autistic people are by the media, it’d lead to outrage. But it seems like no one is outraged on our behalf.

We’ve seen the news stories, haven’t we? A couple invites the news over to their house, upsetting their autistic child who then has a meltdown, the meltdown is filmed and aired, and the parents are just like, “This is what our life is like because of Autism. And it sucks. Pity us.”

There was one video I saw... I’m just so enraged by it, even after two years. A mother was praised for her open honesty as she vilified her autistic son and complained about how he ruined her life and how hard it is to go out and have people stare. I’m sorry, hard for WHO??? I don’t even want to go into the details. I know only sharing this much doesn’t make it sound like that bad of a video, it’s just... ugh. Guys. It’d be a whole separate post. I can’t deal with it right now. 

If parents went on the news after their kid came out to them as gay, and wept and begged for pity and said some of the things this woman said of her autistic son (wondering what she did wrong that made her deserve this or that led to this or saying she doesn’t believe in God but finds herself praying anyway that God’ll “fix him”), America would call them the worst parents ever. But parents of autistic kids who do this are praised for their openness and vulnerability as they publicly shame their child.

Another time, after a mass shooting carried out by a teenage boy, the news reported that he was autistic and that might have contributed to the attack (there they go, combining mental illness with Autism as one and the same again).

If a pedophile were arrested, and they said on the news, “And we just got word that he’s gay, so that may be why,” there’d be a riot. But the news can pin autists as mass murderers and no one bats an eye!

All of May last year working at a clothing store, I watched as various departments filled up with pride t-shirts to get ready for June, and I couldn’t help but think,

Where were the Autism acceptance t-shirts in March to get ready for April?

I probably shouldn’t be so surprised with the media painting us as life-ruiners and life-enders. 

I know it’s a vile and disgusting thing for me to be jealous of LGBT people in this way, especially since they have their own struggles, too. I just wish society had our backs and celebrated us instead of wanting us “fixed,” for their own convenience, ya know?

8. Almost all of us hate Autism Speaks, and those who don’t are probably just new. XD

I used to be all “Light it up blue!” as well (even though that seemed weird to me, given blue lights might be overwhelming to some people on the spectrum). But then I read something on their site that made me feel really betrayed, and down the line, I learned most autistic people hate them... some because they saw them say the opposite of what I saw they said. Basically we all have different opinions but Autism Speaks spouts whatever information their donors want them to (sellouts), and that donated money doesn’t go towards helping us, but toward more fundraising or research on how to prevent people with our brain type. I guess they’re not fond of the artistic and scientific advancements we bring to the table. They should change those puzzle pieces from blue or multi-colored to white with black specks because they want a world that’s vanilla. 

9. Some of us still like the puzzle pieces, even if we hate Autism Speaks.

I’ve talked about this in a fanfic, but I’d love it if we could redeem the puzzle pieces, because they’re still a good analogy if you assign a different meaning. Autists and NTs are puzzling to each other, no sense denying that, but the more time we spend together, the more we start to understand each other. Also, Autism does have a lot of pieces, and figuring out I was autistic was like solving the puzzle of my life. The missing pieces came together and things became clearer and made more sense. Also also, some autistic people are really good at puzzles. And then there are autists like me who aren’t necessarily good at puzzles, but get totally absorbed in working on them anyway (my parents have been doing some puzzles during the quarantine lol they’re traps! TRAPS I SAY!!!).

Nevertheless, I understand why other autistis don’t like the puzzle pieces and prefer the rainbow infinity symbol, and I quite like it, too. It’s very pretty, and the way the colors fade together is a nice symbol of how it’s a spectrum.

It’s a sign of the infinite possibilities in our lives when we’re empowered, because we can do and have done good and great things in the world.

[graffitibible]

Building ocs to complement the characters like that is an absolute galaxy brain move, are there any specific ones from starry eyed??

thank you!! and yes, all the most prominent ocs in starry-eyed (i.e. the other two crews he had prior to the fab four) were built to complement or highlight some aspect of jet. i’m not sure how well some of them came across but they were all meant to correspond to or develop a trait of jet’s.

doublestar signifies jet’s relationship with assertiveness. he’s not a super assertive personality by nature (he tends to be drawn to people with a lot of conviction and external confidence, like dust devil and party poison) but some of that has to do with his upbringing. he wasn’t really encouraged to figure out his own relationship with leadership because doublestar was a very “i take charge and you do what i say” personality even if it was with benign intentions. it’s in part because of doublestar that jet has a lot of doubt about making his own decisions for himself and feels more comfortable following someone else’s lead, and also one of the key reasons he puts so much weight on himself to always perform well. she complimented him a TON for the things he was really good at and she did this with good intentions - he’s a great sharpshooter, he’s a fast runner, he’s got excellent instincts for survival. but because jet’s a heavy internalizer, he took all that to mean “oh, i have to perform those things ALWAYS and it’s my direct fault for things that go wrong in those areas because I’m The Best At Them Like Doublestar Said.” so for all that doublestar did her best to prepare him and her group for desert life, she didn’t excel at that in every respect lol

coma doze represents a humor, impulse, and lust for life that jet didn’t really allow himself to have, even as a kid. coma chases emotional highs; jet never allows that for himself. jet’s own enjoyment of something is literally always the last thing on jet’s list of priorities. coma’s a much more lighthearted, spur of the moment kind of guy than jet ever allowed himself to be, and also incredibly pathos-driven. coma’s willingness to throw himself at the fight taking place in the analog wars has more to do with a need to do something with himself than any genuine investment in the struggle taking place. those moments where jet says “fuck it” and does something stupid (like charging a scarecrow while he’s completely alone and without backup for example lol) come from a similar place. most of the time coma’s willing to let his emotional high dictate where he ends up without considering the why or how or the aftermath of it. this is meant to be a clear contrast to jet, who even at his angriest and stupidest, has a reason for doing what he does. he sees a scarecrow, he’s overcome with anger and frustration and a willingness to avenge his friends - but even in that state of heightened emotion he still has a moment where he weighs the risks of the action before he decides to take it.

nova cane indicates jet’s skewed priorities and his sense of strategy, which ties into the above point, as well as his familial mindset and loyalty. that moment before he does something stupid or does something big where he checks himself and weighs the risks of it, that’s something that i wanted nova to represent. nova’s the voice of dissent when coma wants to charge in guns blazing and try and turn the tide of the analog wars, because she’s got the presence of mind to note that two people aren’t going to change the landscape of an entire war. and yet she’s also the person who doesn’t register that she’s been shot because she’s too busy fucking up the dracs that fucked with her crew. the risks to herself don’t sit on the same level as the risks to the crew as a whole, which probably seems pretty familiar since jet’s very much the same way. the risks he takes when it’s his own life on the line are significantly greater than the risks he’s willing to take when it’s the well-being of the group that’s put in the crossfire. nova was there to vocalize and highlight that a little since it’s not something that jet ever sat down and verbalized to himself, and not necessarily something he’s even aware of. it’s a little more evident when it’s someone else falling into those same patterns because that’s less subject to the inherent biases of jet’s pov.

nine-volt rocket was there to highlight jet’s tendencies for codependency. there are a lot of instances in part i where rocket was having a hard time (both physically and emotionally) and jet helps them out with basically no prompting from anyone. a lot of the “nurturing” (read: self-sacrificial) instincts jet picked up early in life have to do with rocket and this notion of “other people have it worse than me so i have to push myself to help them out since i don’t have it as bad” which is categorically not true but jet has a piss-poor conceptualization of his own limitations because of it. he always prioritizes other people above himself, and part of that is because for as long as he can remember, he’s kind of had to do that. of course the idea that he “has” to do it is more or less manufactured. no one asked him to take care of rocket or anything. he internalized the idea that he’s the “most capable” person in the group and so assumed that the responsibility fell down to him and because it tied into the “survival of the group” mentality, no one questioned it.

dust devil is one of those assertive personalities that jet’s drawn to. they’re representative of some of the early germs for the sense of justice that would later drive jet and by extension the fabulous four. dust devil’s aware that some things in the world are very broken and really wants to fix them but ultimately his plan to do that comes down to “break shit very loudly and raise hell doing it” which made for great catharsis but not much in the way of tactical warfare. because jet didn’t have any great stake in the analog wars other than the loss of nova and coma (which more came down to both of them being in the wrong place at the wrong time), dust devil was pretty necessary to introduce that element of “this affects everybody in the desert and you should care about it.” also on a less serious note dust devil existed to make it evident that jet’s Very Gay. i write the fab four as a family unit more than anything else so writing romantic interactions within the group doesn’t super jive with me. but i wanted it to be apparent that jet’s a dude who likes other masc-aligned folks so that’s what that whole mild panic over dust devil planting one on him came from.

fever queen is another character that highlighted jet’s self-sacrificial and codependent tendencies, and this was meant to call to light just how unhealthy they were. queen likes to vent to him and doesn’t really take into account how jet feels about these things - it’s a surprise to zir when jet chimes in because what queen really wants is a blank wall to throw things at so ze can get it out of zir system. queen also has this innate cynicism that’s supposed to counter jet’s own mindset - ze doesn’t think that any efforts to fight back against BLi are worthwhile and are ultimately doomed to fail, but sticks with the group out of necessity. while jet’s not so optimistic to feel like he can singlehandedly tip the balance of a desert-wide struggle, there’s a reason that he’s drawn to the idea of hitting back against better living, and that’s because of the sense of justice i touched on in the point above. queen was also meant to indicate that jet’s ultimately a pretty extroverted person, despite how nonverbal he is. he gets his energy from other people. queen similarly wants to be surrounded by other people, even if ze doesn’t believe in what they’re fighting for, and that’s something jet can relate to.

haywire is a natural exaggeration of jet’s self-destructive tendencies, and is also meant to indicate that a lot of those tendencies stem from a fundamental sense of self-loathing. haywire is dying and knows it. she doesn’t give a fuck about long-term survivability. she hurls herself headfirst into every firefight and when it isn’t charging straight into every clap she runs across, it’s out and out baiting people into fucking with her. jet might not be dying but he’s got a similar mindset. he’s super willing to put himself in the line of fire because he thinks nothing of himself, thinks nothing of the worth of his own life. his self-destruction isn’t big and flashy the way it is for haywire or someone like party poison or fun ghoul, but it’s very much present nonetheless. there’s that moment where haywire basically begs jet to kill her because she’s got a lungful of poisonous gas and she’s dying in a very slow and painful matter, and jet refuses. this is supposed to be a demonstrable contrast to how jet indulges his own self-destruction at the end of part ii. he’s not the kind of guy to put a gun to his own head, but he’ll wander the desert until he dies. he’ll entertain the idea of waltzing into battery city or out into the remains of zone seven just to see what happens. it’s a passive self-destruction as opposed to haywire’s active self-destruction, but that doesn’t make it any less retroactively horrifying that he and haywire are so goddamned casual about how willing they are to Fucking Die.

100% titanium is maybe the most obvious. they gave jet a “voice” in a sense because while jet’s a primarily nonverbal dude, titan was entirely nonverbal due to injury. but even before jet started picking up sign language from them, he got them in a way that not a lot of the other members of the group did, with the exception of raya. titan was there to make it a little more obvious that jet’s actually extremely good at reading other people’s body language and communicating nonverbally. he doesn’t need words to make his point and other people don’t need to spell out their points to him when he can pick most of the big points from the little things - how they stand, how fast they’re talking, how much they’re moving, their expression, etc. titan’s easily one of the characters in part ii that jet has the closest and best relationship with, and i also wanted a character to emphasize that jet has a massive capacity for a genuine love and warmth. some of his most genuine moments in part ii come from his interactions with titan.

mantarraya is meant to represent jet’s faith. she was initially there out of necessity - there was this nonverbal character that no one else would logically be able to understand, so mantarraya was there to streamline that. but more than that, i needed someone to remind jet of the faith he kept back in part i since queen was an outright nonbeliever and neither haywire nor devil were all that devoted to the idea of the witch. so raya believes in the witch, she believes in destroya, and she’s hopeful that she’ll see the latter raze battery city in her lifetime. for her, her faith takes the sting out of the inevitability of death - the witch will take care of her once she eats it, so it’ll be okay. jet doesn’t have that same confidence, in part because he pours so much of himself into others rather than into himself. so much of him wants to shut down and stop but he refuses to indulge that because other people need him. maybe the witch will take care of him, but he won’t be there to help of everyone else who needs him, and what’s worse is he’ll be helpless to stop whatever happens next. it was that existential fear that raised its head toward the end of part iii, because he hadn’t really taken the time to confront it until then. 

[dontshootmespence]

A Blessing, Not a Burden

A/N: An anon request for a reader with autism. She’s dating Spencer and has a lot of fidgeting and stimming issues. The reader is super self-conscious about how people see her, but Spencer (who I decided will also be on the spectrum) is there to comfort her and help her through the feelings she has when people judge her. @coveofmemories @sexualemobitch @jamiemelyn

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Need. To. Stim. 

Goddammit.

Not now, Y/N.

You’re in the middle of a restaurant with Spencer. Tapping the sides of your legs and drumming your fingers together is not appropriate in the middle of a restaurant. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

Spencer could see in your eyes how hard you were trying to stop yourself, but the need was overwhelming. You were always nervous when you were eating out in a restaurant. If you were lucky enough to get the corner table, where you could shield yourself from the prying eyes of others, the anxiety, and therefore the need to stim wasn’t so great, but the only table available had been in the middle of the restaurant, so naturally, you felt like everyone was staring at you. “It’s okay,” Spencer whispered as he reached across the table and placed his hand over yours. 

With a hard swallow, you slowly began to tap on the side of your leg and immediately felt the relief wash over you. “I hate this,” you said softly. When you looked to the side, you saw a woman of about 50 looking at you from the corner of her eye - passing judgement. “It’s really bad tonight.”

“I know,” he said. “I’m really sorry.” For him, it was easier to disguise his stim. He liked facts. He always had. And whenever he was in a stressful situation, he found relief in reciting some facts. Spencer could just disguise his stim as conversation, awkward as it may be, but for you, it wasn’t as easy to pass off. 

After the waiter came with your drinks, you took a sip of water and brought both hands up to the table. “If you need to, it’s okay,” Spencer said. “If anyone says anything, I will cut them.” He smiled at his not-so-lightly veiled threat. Of course Spencer would never be violent unless the situation actually called for it, but he would no doubt cut someone down with his words. 

You relaxed slightly knowing you were dating someone who understood you on a factual and personal level. With that in mind, your eyes softened and you started to drum your fingers together. The conversation flowed between you to the point you barely noticed you were doing it anymore. But there were a few people staring, including the woman from earlier who apparently couldn’t peel her eyes from you. “She won’t stop staring,” you said, trying in vein to stop the drumming of your fingers. 

Spencer stood up the table, kissed your hand and then went to the restroom. Upon his return, he pulled up a chair next to the woman who wouldn’t stop glaring at you. “Is there a question you like to ask?” he questioned calmly. “Something you’d like to say? Because if not, I’m going to ask you to stop staring.”

“I’m not staring,” the woman said defensively. You could hear her, but you were trying to avoid eye contact. If you met her gaze, you’d probably go off yourself and Spencer was much calmer with words than you were. 

Spencer then proceeded to tell her the actual definition of the word staring, informing her that she was in fact staring. “Your girlfriend or wife or whoever she is keeps making noise. Does she not know how to conduct herself in the middle of a restaurant?”

You swallowed hard. Thankfully, Spencer and the woman weren’t drawing any attention to themselves, but just knowing that people didn’t understand and refused to try made you anxious. “Yes, she does. What she’s doing is called stimming, because she has Asperger’s syndrome. It is a developmental disorder characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. I have it too as a matter of fact. When she feels an overwhelming emotion, like anxiety for example, she will stim, in this case hers is drumming her fingers together and tapping her leg, in order to allay that emotion. It’s not something she can fully control. What she’s doing now is controlling it to the best of her abilities.” He paused, looking over toward you with a smile. “Now that you know what it is, maybe you can have a little bit of compassion instead of looking down on her.”

As he stood up, the woman mouthed a half-assed sorry in your direction and moved her chair so she was no longer facing you. Spencer grabbed your hands and gave them a kiss as he sat back down - just in time for your food to arrive. “Thank you, Spence,” you said. Now you had the fork and knife to focus on, so your hands were occupied. “I hate having to do that when we’re out, but having a boyfriend who understands is helpful.”

“I get it,” he said with an understanding sigh. “I get it so much. Have you ever tried the cubes, or a spinner?” You knew he had a cube; he kept it in his pocket for those times when he felt the need to verbally stim but couldn’t - that way he could fiddle with the cube in his pocket. 

You shook your head. People have been abusing them, to the point where those that actually needed them were being banned from using them. “The spinners are especially distracting, but I don’t know, the cube might help.” 

Spencer patted his pocket, his eyes going wide when he realized he’d left the cube in his coat pocket. He reached inside and pulled out the small gray and black cube. “Why don’t you keep it in your lap for the rest of the meal?” he suggested. “When you feel like you have to stim, screw around with the cube instead and see if it helps.”

After finishing your meal, you felt a bit better. No one was staring anymore, but now the overwhelming emotion was love for your amazing boyfriend. A lot of people didn’t understand that stimming didn’t just stem from negative emotions; sometimes they were positive ones to. Instead of tapping your leg, you held the cube in your hand and clicked the one side, immediately feeling a wash of relief. When an emotion built up inside you like that, positive or negative, it was almost painful, so doing something like stimming or playing with the cube eased the pain. 

Dinner was delicious, so Spencer paid the bill and grabbed your hand, lifting you up from your chair and gathering you into him. “I wanna stop somewhere before we go home,” he said as he got into the driver’s seat. You continued to play with cube, exploring all sides and what they had to offer. “I’ll be right back.” You noticed he had parked but didn’t realize where until he returned, pulling out your very own cube from a white and red Target bag. “This one’s for you.” While his was gray and black, he had found you a blue and green one. 

Excitedly, you ripped open the package and leaned over to give him a kiss. “Thank you so much,” you said. “I’m so grateful for you.”

As he pulled out of the parking lot, he grabbed your hand and gave it another kiss - the feather-light touch of his lips making your hands feel like more of a blessing than a burden.

[wellinformedmama-blog]

One of the questions I get asked the most is about my son’s communication.

While this blog is not necessarily about my son, I can’t totally untangle my purpose here with my experiences with him. I get so much from reflecting on the journey. Having a nonverbal child can be life defining, and for a long time, I had a nonverbal little boy (and a twin who wouldn’t stop talking - the contrast was amazing, and at times, tough to process). This is real life for many parents with a child on the spectrum, or for any other number of reasons. My son was functionally nonverbal until last summer, meaning he was able to process language and was beginning to use some words, but he did not use language to make requests, greet, or converse until after 3.5 years old. At present, about to turn 4 years old, he is considered functionally verbal after a few huge leaps! He is not conversational - yet.

From ages 18 months - 3.5 years, we had a lot of hope, supported by therapy, progress and observation. He started to develop a handful of words he would use for super preferred objects, foods, and toys! He only used them in the absence of any sensory or social stressors, however. Granted, he yelled “all done!” at the dentist early last summer 😂…talk about motivation! It was the first time he used language with a novel adult to get what he wanted.

I waited until after age 3 to hear my baby call me “mommy.” I cringed every time someone would excitedly share that her 9 month old calls for mama. I got plenty of “mommy”’s from my other sweet son, and I relished them, but it killed me not to hear it from my neurodiverse child. I feel deeply for mothers who are still waiting, or who may never hear it. Some will read it, or interpret in a sign - and that’s beautiful, too.

To my friends with nonverbal children, I see you, and I acknowledge those who have to fight harder in this realm than we do. I see you with your PECS systems, and communication tablet devices, and signing. I share your frustration when you can’t figure out what your little one is trying to tell you. My son did not communicate “yes” or “no” until a few months ago, and it remains super difficult to have such shaky ground with a basic communication aspect.

Some fun facts + a quick primer to cover the questions I have gotten lately, and more:

*Many people on the spectrum use echolalia, or scripting, which is repeating back something they’ve heard in or out of context, either right back to the conversation partner or from memory. For example, my little man does this – he will say his favorite lines from “Daniel Tiger” over and over again, or repeat back what his teachers say in their exact pitch of voice. It’s adorable. As he’s gotten older and more cognitively able, we have seen his choices of scripting be more and more in context. I believe there is value in echolalia and scripting if we listen hard enough. Sometimes, it can turn into a stim, and that can be a bit tough.

*Some people have apraxia, meaning they do not speak at all. Their brains send incomplete messages to the mechanical parts of making speech. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEIR ABILITY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING! But it does tend to mean they need more time to process your words. NOTE: Never, ever, stinking ever, take away a talker/speech device from a nonverbal person. That is the same thing as duct taping someone’s mouth. It’s a civil right.

*Kids like my son work on speech not only in speech therapy, but also in ABA. We use a “total communication” approach. We incorporate whatever he enjoys and a mix of strategies to get him to communicate and use the words he does have. In school, they use natural opportunities to push for him to use his words, such as during games or in social interactions. My son has great receptive language (he tends to understand what’s coming in, if it's direct) but relatively weak expressive language (not much coming out). He hated PECS (picture communication system) so we stopped many moons ago. He was OK with a few signs, but was always making word approximations and sounds, so we felt he was sort of waiting to speak to us. PECS is a wonderful system that can only encourage speech, not delay it; it just wasn’t for him.

*I learned from our crew of SLPs that some things we can do for all of our little ones include narrating our daily activities, promoting books, teaching basic signs, and having “conversations” to promote communication from birth. My son demonstrated jargoning skills, or the awareness that people talk back and forth to each other, even if he was making sounds and didn’t use words. I believe all that crazy narrating I did (”Time for shoes, babies! I am putting on your shoes! Shoes on feet!”) helped with this on some level.

*Make sure early intervention and special ed are hooking you up with a certified speech language pathologist if you have a communication delay or disability. There is no substitute and an SLP needs to at least consult.

*The part of the brain that processes spoken and written language is different than the part that processes music! It’s amazing. My son has been singing since he was a little baby, even though he doesn’t speak much. He loves to sing his jumbled little tunes, his “Daniel Tiger” life lessons, and full Maroon 5 and Alice Merton jams, even if he can't tell me what he wants for lunch.

*Being nonverbal is a safety issue as well. If my son is lost or hurt, he cannot say who he is or where I am. This kills me. We have incorporated self-identification and learning my phone number into his IEP speech goals. Many families share my worry.

My son, like so many of his friends with similar neurodiverse profiles, is a little mystery man. He has so much to say, and he always has. “You don’t need a car to have someplace to go, and you don’t need words to have something to say.” I would love him the same if he did not speak.

P.S. You want to know why I think my son started talking more? Inclusion. Those model peers, like his brother, that I’m always yapping about...yeah, that helps.