#i do like to think harry is a bigger nerd than this fandom gives him credit for tho

[rewritingcanon]

sometimes i will criticise the ‘brother’s best friend’ and ‘jock x jock’ romance trope and then i’ll remember hinny and they are just the exception for everything, truly

[shipsforeveryone]

XL Ship For Anon

Their Request - 

Hi! Can I request a ship for all of your fandoms. Males only please!

Oh and for the scenario - First Fight. For TVD?

I am a tall, curvy straight female with blonde hair and blue-green eyes.

I am introverted, intellectual, I have a bunch of interests and hobbies, which I tend to hyper fixate on. I am also a bit of a jack of all trades as I like to learn/teach myself how to do a wide variety of things.

I have a very idiosyncratic point of view, I'm bookish and very interested in history. I have a knack for accurately predicting the likelihood of the future. I tend to test people to see if I can trust them a lot but then I become a friend for life. Literally, a ride or die. I have hidden dimensions and intensity and they're hidden because I'm pretty withdrawn. Wanting to watch people from afar to see if I can even poke my head out of my shell around them.

I tend to act arrogant, cryptic, or cynical when afraid. I can be diplomatic and say things without saying them. I am defiant/rebellious towards authority and habitually find counterexamples to whatever others assert. Despite this attitude, I'm incredibly loyal, hardworking, ambitious, and very idealistic.

I struggle with ADHD, social anxiety, and paranoia. I can brood over injustices or entertain conspiracy theories. I am a bigger fan of sneaky vengeance over outright confrontation. I can be passive-aggressive and self-attacking. I love all animals though I never want to personally own a dog, due to how needy and loud they are. I'm more of a cat or reptile person.

I like to record my thoughts out loud and later organize them.

I'm also currently fighting the urge to delete this because I think I sound very full of myself in this lol

Pretty please and thank you! Also sorry this was so long.

My Response

No worries, babe! You don’t sound full of yourself at all. I love the fact that you didn’t beat around the bush about describing yourself!

Avatar: The Last Airbender 

OTP - Zuko. He would love your idiosyncratic point of view and how insightful you are. And would often come to your for advice.

BrOTP - Aang

NOTP - Sokka

Bright

OTP - Nick Jakoby

BrOTP - Tikka

NOTP - Daryl Ward

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

OTP - Rupert Giles. You have quite a bit in common, and you may even end up arguing the uses of technology while admiring books as much as he does.

BrOTP - Daniel “Oz” Osbourne

NOTP - Buffy Summers

Doctor Who

OTP - The 10th Doctor. He’d gently coax you out of your shell. And he’d take you anywhere in time or space that you want to go. If you don’t outright say where/when you would like to go then he’ll pick up on it by listening to your latest interests. 

BrOTP - Is it cheating to say the 12th Doctor? Oh well. I think you would be partners in crime all the way.

NOTP - Rose Tyler

Dragon Age

OTP - Solas. There’s so much in common and I think you’d probably be the best option to convince him to change his plans. 

BrOTP - Merrill.

NOTP - Cassandra.

Fast and Furious franchise

OTP - Tej Parker

BrOTP - Deckard Shaw

NOTP - Luke Hobbs

Game of Thrones

OTP - Tyrion Lannister. Tyrion would tease you to draw you out of your introverted shell. He'd be very interested in your hobbies, interests and your knack for predicting the future. He'd admire your wide skill set, loyalty, defiant attitude and how hardworking you are. He’d often suggest books to you and vice versa. 

BrOTP - Jon Snow

NOTP - Daenerys Targaryen

Golden Girls

OTP - Dorothy. 

BrOTP - Rose

NOTP - Sophia

Hannibal

OTP - Will Graham.

BrOTP - Alana Bloom.

NOTP -  Jack Crawford

Harry Potter

OTP - Severus Snape. Your mind, skill set and attitude would all appeal to him very much.

BrOTP - Luna Lovegood

NOTP - Ron Weasley

Inglourious Basterds

OTP - Hugo Stiglitz

BrOTP - Donny Donowitz

NOTP - Aldo Raine

John Wick

OTP - John Wick

BrOTP - Marcus

NOTP - Winston

Jurassic Park franchise

OTP - Dr. Ian Malcolm

BrOTP - Dr. Ellie Sattler

NOTP - Dr. Sarah Harding

Kingsman

OTP - Merlin

BrOTP - Harry Hart / Galahad

NOTP - Jack Daniels / Whiskey

Legend of Korra

OTP - Mako

BrOTP - Asami Sato

NOTP - Tahno

Marvel 

OTP - Bucky Barnes

BrOTP - Loki

NOTP - Natasha Romanoff

Mayans MC

OTP - Ezekiel “EZ” Reyes.

BrOTP - Johnny “Coco” Cruz

NOTP - Emily Thomas-Galindo

NCIS

OTP - Timothy McGee

BrOTP - Abby Sciuto

NOTP - Tony DiNozzo

New Girl

OTP - Nick Miller

BrOTP - Winston Saint-Marie Schmidt

NOTP - Julia Cleary

Once Upon A Time

OTP - Killian Jones / Captain Hook

BrOTP - Regina Mills

NOTP - Mary Margaret Blanchard / Snow White

Parks and Recreation

OTP - Ben Wyatt

BrOTP - April Ludgate

NOTP - Jean Ralphio Saperstein

Peaky Blinders

OTP - Tommy Shelby

BrOTP - Alfie Solomons

NOTP - Ada Thorne

Pokemon

OTP - Brock

BrOTP - Bulbasaur Ash Ketchum

NOTP - Jessie

Rick and Morty

OTP - Rick Sanchez

BrOTP - Beth Smith

NOTP - Jerry Smith. 

Schitt’s Creek

OTP - David Rose

BrOTP - Ronnie Lee

NOTP - Moira Rose

Sherlock (BBC)

OTP - Sherlock Holmes. He'd adore your mind and find your skill set useful. Sherlock would love your defiance of authority and ambition. Though you'd butt heads every now and then ultimately your differences would make you an even better match. You'd both bring out each other's emotions more and understand each other better than anyone else ever could.

BrOTP - Mycroft Holmes. I know, very surprising. But like with Sherlock there’s a lot in common and a lot different. So you’d frequently argue But in the end you’d have the common goal of looking out for Sherlock to make you both closer.

NOTP - Jim Moriarty.

Sons of Anarchy

OTP - Jackson “Jax” Teller.

BrOTP - Bobby Munson

NOTP - Tara Knowles

Star Wars Prequels

OTP - Obi-Wan Kenobi

BrOTP - Qui-Gon Jinn

NOTP - Anakin Skywalker

Star Wars Original Trilogy

OTP - Luke Skywalker

BrOTP - R2D2

NOTP - Han Solo

Stranger Things

OTP - Jim Hopper. I think Hopper would admire you for testing people so thoroughly to see if you can trust them. And he’d really love how loyal you are to the people you do trust.

BrOTP - Alexei. Here me out, the two of you seem to have a bit in common. First and foremost your intelligence. And I think you’d make Hopper quit being such an ass to Alexei.

NOTP - Nancy Wheeler

Supernatural

OTP - Sam Winchester. Okay I can just see you researching together. Staying up all night in the Bunker’s library poring over every single book.

BrOTP - Charlie Bradbury. Do I need to say anything more than nerd power?

NOTP - Mary Winchester.

Teen Wolf

OTP - Chris Argent

BrOTP - Stiles Stilinski

NOTP - Lydia Martin

That 70’s Show

OTP - Eric Forman.

BrOTP - Donna Pinciotti

NOTP - Jackie Burkhardt

The Expendables

OTP - Lee Christmas

BrOTP - Barney Ross

NOTP - Mr. Church

The Hobbit

OTP - Thorin Oakenshield. Thorin would admire your wide skill set and your ambition to learn how to do so many things. He'd adore your loyalty and knack for diplomacy. 

BrOTP - Fili Durin.

NOTP - Thranduil

The Lord of the Rings

OTP - Faramir. 

BrOTP - Samwise Gamgee

NOTP - Denethor

The Vampire Diaries & The Originals

OTP - Elijah Mikaelson. I think that Elijah would adore your intelligence and would encourage your interests and hobbies. If you want to know anything about history? He'd be more than happy to discuss his own experiences with you. He'd often get your opinion on a course of action before doing it, due to your with and ability of predicting the possible outcomes. He'd love your original, no pun intended, point of view. And though he loves your tenacity, your ambition, your idealistic nature and your loyalty, sometimes it can frustrate him when he thinks certain people who have your loyalty don't deserve it. Or at least not at the intensity that you give it. 

First Fight - Your first fight would probably have to do with your friendship and loyalty towards Klaus. While sometimes he admires it, he often wishes that you weren’t so loyal to his brother. Thinking he isn’t always deserving of it. Afterwards you’d both go in different rooms to brood until ready to make up.

BrOTP - Niklaus Mikaelson. Klaus would admire your intelligence, ambition, hard working and even defiant attitude. Your skills and ability to think differently from everyone else. He would also come to you for advice though he wouldn’t always adhere it. Though what Klaus would love most of all is your loyalty. Especially after he made it through all your tests and found himself on the receiving end of your loyalty. And he would feel guilty when your loyalty and friendship with him would cause a rift in your relationship with his brother. 

NOTP - Damon Salvatore. Damon is impulsive and has his own way of testing the loyalty  of those around him. Though his form of testing is more of him doing things that makes them less loyal and trusting of him. He’d probably end up trying to test and strain your loyalty towards Elijah and Klaus. Which would infuriate you. And he would fail which would infuriate him.

The Walking Dead

OTP - Negan.

BrOTP - Carl Grimes. In an AU where Rick’s Group became saviors instead of finding Alexandria. I think Carl would have become Negna’s protege and may have even softened him up.

NOTP - Rick Grimes.

The Witcher (show)

OTP - Geralt of Rivia

BrOTP - Yennefer of Vengerberg

NOTP - Queen Calanthe

True Blood

OTP - Eric Northman

BrOTP - Bill Compton

NOTP - Sam Merlotte

Vikings

OTP - Ragnar Lothbrok

BrOTP - Ivar the Boneless

NOTP - Björn Ironside

WWE (kayfabe personas)

OTP - Roman Reigns

BrOTP - Finn Balor

NOTP - Chris Jericho

[picturesmadewords-blog]

We can fly - a Teddy & Billy ficlet

Hello, fellow Young Avengers fans! This is my very first non-reblog post on my all-new tumblr that I decided to create for my writings - if and when I get to write more, that is. The thing is, I used to write a lot until a few years ago. I was very active in my country’s Harry Potter fandom and wrote tons of Remus x Sirius stories. But, as I got older, I abandoned writing more and more… until this summer, when I couldn’t take it anymore: I had too many scenes and characters in my mind to let them sleep there forever, so I decided to start writing again. We’ll see how this goes.

I wanted to try something with my absolute favorite Marvel characters, Teddy Altman and Billy Kaplan. Being a gay man who was a teenager when these two first came bursting into comics, I owe a lot to them. And I have tons of little scenes and snippets with them floating around in my head, so here we are. My first post is a ficlet set during the events of Young Avengers v1, specifically right after Teddy’s mom’s death. On the day of her funeral, to be more precise. I’m sure this has been done before, but I really wanted to give shape to my version of it. It’s not much, but there’s a lot of heart in it and all the fluff I need to survive the horrible world we’re currently living in.

As I said, this is my first real piece of writing in years, so any kind of comment is welcome. I just want to see if I still have something worthy to say with my writing. It’s also my first piece of writing about Marvel characters AND my first piece of fiction in English. English is not my first language, so ANY kind of comment about style/form/possible grammar mistakes is highly appreciated.

Now, onto the fic!

Title: We can fly

Fandom: Young Avengers (Marvel comics)

Characters: Billy Kaplan, Teddy Altman, Jeff Kaplan, Rebecca Kaplan, Eli Bradley

Rating: G

POV: Billy (first section), Teddy (second and third sections)

“Call me, man. Whenever you want. Don’t ride this out alone. Neither of you should.”

Billy nodded. He stared deeply into Eli’s eyes and saw something unexpected there. He hadn’t seen Eli cry at the funeral, he didn’t think so. But the boy’s eyes were now shiny. If he hadn’t cried, he looked like he was about to. That wasn’t something Billy was used to. That look of defeat in his teammate’s eyes. In his friend’s eyes. Those eyes said so much more than “I’m sad because my friend’s mom died.” Those eyes seemed to say that now it was real. Not that Billy thought Eli hadn’t taken it seriously from the first moment Nate appeared in his life, but what they had gone through, the terrible, scary things they had gone through, weren't enough to prepare them for this. Losing someone, actually losing someone. Billy saw Eli's love for his grandparents in those eyes. He had seen the fear of losing his own parents in his own eyes that morning, when he had briefly looked at himself in the bathroom mirror.

And then, something else wholly unexpected. Eli hugged him. He pulled him close and hugged him and hugged him. When he let go, Billy had no idea how to react. He smiled faintly. The kind of gratitude he was feeling for Eli couldn’t be expressed in words.

They were on the doorsteps of his house. The sky was grey and there was a chill in the air. “Like in the movies,” Billy thought. “There’s always bad weather at funerals.”

Eli looked at Kate, who was waiting for him outside. He gave one last friendly smile and left. Kate waved at Billy and, once they were out of sight, the boy closed the door.

He turned to the living room. He was facing the back of the sofa, which was placed right in the middle of the room. The sight of the messy blonde hair visible just above the back cushions made his heart jump a little. “Man up, Kaplan. Man up,” he kept thinking. He closed his eyes, took a heavy breath and walked towards the sofa.

“Hey.” Billy tried to put on his best comforting smile. Teddy was sort of slouching on the sofa, his head low, his hands dangling between his legs, his black tie loosened. The plate Billy had prepared for him still lay untouched on the coffee table – a sandwich, some chips, a small portion of some sort of casserole one of his aunts must’ve brought. Glancing at it, Billy suddenly recoiled at the smell of food lingering in the house, as if he had only noticed it now that everyone had gone.

He sat on the sofa next to Teddy. The boy looked like he was somewhere else, somewhere far away, where hopefully he was still a happy teenager with a beautiful boyfriend and a loving mother, and not an alien prince with a dead parent who had lied to him his whole life.

Billy leaned on his shoulder. He enclosed Teddy’s huge frame with one arm, or tried to. And then the most exquisite, the most heartwarming thing happened. Billy had feared anger, tears, coldness, all things that would have been natural and that he would have faced with strength and perseverance for his boyfriend’s sake. He had not expected Teddy to melt into his embrace, his lovely face burrowed into Billy’s neck, his arms tight around Billy’s waist.

Teddy was big, much bigger than Billy’s slender figure, and yet he looked so small and fragile in Billy’s arms. All the boy could do was to rest his head on Teddy’s shoulders, feeling Teddy’s breath close to his chest, so warm, so soft through his white shirt.

They stayed like that for several minutes, in complete silence. There were no tears, no words of comfort, just two boys tangled together, Teddy safely hidden in Billy’s arms, Billy slowly stroking Teddy’s back.

A sound coming from the kitchen. And, a few seconds later, Jeff and Rebecca Kaplan standing in the doorway, both looking tired and much older than Billy ever remembered. Billy didn’t even try to let go of Teddy, he had no intention of letting go, parents or no parents. If anything, he held Teddy even closer, a sudden, overpowering sense of protectiveness washing over him. He’s mine and he needs me and I will hold him for the rest of my life if that’s what he needs.

“Billy, son, we’re going to your aunt’s to bring the hellions home,” Jeff said with a sweet smile. “But before we go, your mother and I need to speak to you boys.”

At that, Teddy jerked up. He didn’t let go of Billy’s waist, though, as he looked at Billy’s parents. “Mr. Kaplan, Mrs. Kaplan… I am so grateful, I will leave as soon as…”

“Hush, dear,” Rebecca said warmly, as she approached the sofa. Her hand reached Teddy’s forehead and she half-stroked, half-brushed his hair. Teddy smiled as Billy felt a sudden surge of love for his mom.

“That’s what we wanted to talk about,” Jeff said, stepping forward himself. His wife put a loving hand on his chest, and he put an arm around her shoulders. Billy smiled at the gesture.

“Billy told us that you have no living relatives,” Rebecca said tentatively, careful not to hurt the boy any further. “Now, mind you, we don’t want to force anything onto you, but…” she paused and sighed. Billy felt his heart skip several beats. He also felt Teddy slightly trembe in his arms. “We don’t, and as soon as you’re eighteen,” the woman continued “you will be able to choose what is best for yourself. But right now, if you want, Jeff and I were thinking that it would be our pleasure to have you with us.”

Billy was beaming. Teddy looked at the couple with wide, shimmering eyes. “We’re sure that there will be some legal stuff to take care of, which we will do once we’re all a little rested,” Jeff said, sitting next to his son. “For now, though, consider yourself our guest. Tomorrow we’ll fix the guest bedroom for you, and Billy here will help you make it your own with a few Pokémon posters or whatever you kids like nowadays. I really hope you will come to consider this your home, in time.”

Billy couldn’t keep it all in any longer. He let go of Teddy, turned to his father and hugged him, whispering “Thank you,” in his ear. Teddy sat motionless, incredulous.

“As for tonight,” Rebecca started, with a voice that exuded both motherly affection and practicality “we thought you could… sleep in Billy’s room.”

Teddy’s eyes widened even more. Billy, having let go of his father, jumped up to embrace his mother. Rebecca put a hand forward, making her son wait for his thankful hug. “This is a one-time thing, young men. Don’t make a habit of it. It’s only because the guest bedroom needs airing and,” she sighed. “And I guess we could all use a little affection and caring tonight.” She let Billy briefly hug her, then tightened her wool cardigan, as if a sudden shiver had passed over her.

“Your mother can’t wait to get the boys back from your aunt. Imagine being that desperate for affection,” Jeff said, getting up from the sofa and walking towards the front door to get his car keys.

Billy chuckled. So did Teddy, through teary eyes. He had met Billy’s bothers and both he and Billy knew that wanting those pests back was the act of a woman desperate to bring life back to what was, at that moment, a very grim house. They both couldn’t wait.

------------------------------------------------

Hours later, as if in a dream where you wander from place to place without any rational reason, Teddy found himself sitting on his boyfriend’s bed. A stylized cartoonish Captain America was staring at him from the heavy bed cover. He looked up, admiring Billy’s model replicas of all the major spaceships from Star Wars, hanging from the ceiling, while a glance at Billy’s desk revealed several action figures and statues of Thor and the Scarlet Witch, all of different sizes and some of them sporting costumes that Teddy recognized from an era of the Avengers that went back to before either he or Billy were even born. Taped to the wall behind the desk, he saw some pencil drawings, mostly of Billy’s winged headgear.

Teddy never thought he would ever find someone who was as big a nerd as he was. Billy couldn’t quite name every single Doctor Who companion from the 1950s onward, not yet, so he felt his nerd crown was safe for now. But still, Billy was a threat.

A wonderful, wonderful threat. He started fantasizing about spending entire afternoons playing computer games and swapping comics with Billy in the comforting space of the room he was now in. Watching their favorite shows together, while holding hands or spooning on that bed, which was thankfully big enough for the both of them. Stealing kisses when they were alone, stealing more than kisses whenever possible. And maybe, one day, building a life of their own, together.

His mind was full of all those incredible thoughts. He forced himself to focus on them. He willed them into his mind, fearing that he would soon wander back into the darkness. He knew that there would come a time when he needed to go back there. To mourn, to cope. But not tonight.

Tonight, he felt like he was given a second chance at life. And he wanted to take it and make it his own.

“I don’t think my PJs will fit you.” Billy’s voice, coming from the walk-in closet, startled him out of his haze. “But maybe this old jersey… it will be a snug fit.”

Billy came into the room holding a faded football jersey and a pair of shorts. “Not that I will complain.”

“I could make myself a little smaller,” Teddy said, taking the clothes from Billy’s hands.

“Oh, right. Please don’t. I really don’t mind the bulging muscles.”

Teddy laughed. He knew what Billy was doing. He was playing right along his little fantasy of “this is just a sleepover with your boyfriend, it’s not like your mom is dead and not even your real mom.” He loved him even more for that.

Teddy took off what remained of his funeral suit. He had tossed the jacket over the desk chair as soon as he had entered Billy’s room, and the tie was dangling from his neck, completely loose. Billy had turned around to get the spare pillow from the closet and, when he turned back, he found Teddy wearing only the Bionic Woman boxers he had bought for him on eBay.

“Oh come on now,” Billy half-whined, admiring his boyfriend’s sculpted chest and incredible legs. Not to mention Lindsay Wagner’s cotton face hugging Teddy in all the right places. God, that was wrong. What was he thinking when he bought those boxers. “Put that shirt on before I decide to completely destroy my mother’s trust in the both of us.”

Teddy smiled, putting on the shorts first, then the jersey. It was a snug fit and he had to shrink just a little to even put his muscular arms through the sleeves, but not so much as to avoid the tight effect that Billy had hoped for. He loved teasing Billy like that.

Billy was flushed. He swallowed and playfully threw the pillow (now fitted with a fresh Lion King pillowcase) at Teddy, who caught it and held it close to his chest.

“Oh, can you feel the love tonight, baby,” Teddy commented in the most suave voice he was capable of.

“You are such a dork.” Billy went back to the closet, while Teddy jumped on the bed, resting his messy golden hair on his new pillow.

“You know,” Billy’s voice came from the closet “if you feel up to it, if you’re not too tired or anything, the brats have this junior league soccer game tomorrow, I don’t think mom had time to pull them out of it. It will most likely be a total bore, but it might do you good to get out and OH MY GOD NO.”

Teddy jumped up, scared half to death. Billy’s screaming had felt like a well-placed punch in his guts. His mind immediately went to the worst possible scenarios, which flashed in his mind one after the other in a matter of milliseconds. Something had fallen on Billy’s head and he was injured. He had slipped and fallen and had really hurt himself. The Skrulls were back for him. Kang the freaking Conqueror was hiding in Billy’s walk-in closet.

“Billy! B, what’s wrong?” he yelled, worried. The Kaplans still hadn’t come back from Billy’s aunt, what could he do now? The thought that both he and his boyfriend were superheroes never even crossed his mind. That night, he felt like a kid who was in desperate need for somebody to look out for him.

“Nothing, nothing.”

Billy’s apparently calm voice made Teddy calm, too. Still confused, but calm.

“It’s nothing but oh my God this can’t be happening.”

“B?”

“Okay, so, apparently,” Billy’s voice, still coming from the closet, had assumed that tone that Teddy had come to recognize as bitchy Billy. “Apparently…” Billy continued “I only have three pairs of PJs. And the one I wanted to wear tonight, the one I wanted you to see me in, a nice, simple, elegant light grey thing that my grandmother gave me for Hanukkah, well, it’s in the wash. Which leaves me with two unspeakable options.”

Teddy half-smiled, still puzzled. “Okay?”

“Yeah, not okay. Not really. But here goes nothing.” Billy came out of the closet and Teddy had to blink a few times to fully understand what he was seeing.

Billy, all messy dark curls and hot red cheeks, was wearing a pair of light blue PJs. The shirt was a little too tight and the pants, which, Teddy assumed, were supposed to come to his ankles, were a couple of inches short of reaching them. And the pattern. Oh, the pattern.

It was small cartoon cowboys.

And cowboy hats and little white clouds and bright green cacti. Teddy was suddenly reminded of Andy’s room in Toy Story, before the arrival of Buzz Lightyear.

“Oh my God,” Teddy cried, grinning like a maniac. “That is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.” He jumped from the bed, covering his smiling mouth with a hand. “You are the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.”

Billy blushed furiously. “The thing is, I haven’t really grown that much since I was twelve so I still have these old things lying around and…”

Teddy shut him up with a kiss. He cupped Billy’s face and kissed him and kissed him, Billy standing on his toes, his thin arms embracing Teddy’s waist.

“I love you and I have to take a picture,” Teddy said, coming up for air.

Billy’s eyes became two enormous saucers. “You… wouldn’t dare…” he said slowly, stepping back from his boyfriend.

“Please please please I have to immortalize the unthinkable cuteness right before my eyes,” pleaded Teddy, already grabbing his phone.

“No way! No way!” Billy laughed.

“I promise I won’t show it to anyone! It’ll be just for me!” Teddy wasn’t going to take no for an answer. “Would you really deny me this, tonight of all nights?” He looked at Billy with his best beaten puppy stare.

“Oh, that’s low,” Billy sighed. He opened his arms, defeated, and gave Teddy the sweetest of smiles as Teddy took as many pictures as possible. Yes, he was going to keep them for himself. Well, maybe one could find its way to Kate and Cassie. Maybe.

Of course Teddy knew that Billy could’ve just worn a T-shirt or something. He didn’t know if the adorable pajamas were chosen intentionally or not. But he did know that his boyfriend was the most incredible boy to ever walk (or, occasionally, fly) the earth and he had, once again, made him smile on one of the worst days of his life. He knew, right then and there, that anyone who could make him laugh on a day like that was someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

------------------------------------------------

“Tired?” Billy asked, when the excitement over the PJs was over. They were lying on Billy’s bed, side by side. Teddy was staring at the ceiling, lost in thought. Billy was staring at Teddy.

“Exhausted,” Teddy replied. He turned his head towards Billy, a faint smile on his lips. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For being here. For being you,” Teddy whispered. He had tried to avoid it, but he felt the darkness getting closer and closer. He reached a hand and stroked Billy’s cheek.

Billy closed his eyes, enjoying his boyfriend’s loving touch. He leaned closer to Teddy and rested his head on Teddy’s chest, listening to his heart, getting drunk on his scent. “Is this okay?” he asked.

Teddy snorted. “Are you kidding? This is perfection.”

Silence fell over them. The room was mostly dark, only an old Mickey Mouse lamp illuminating the desk with all its action figures. Teddy closed his eyes and listened to the soft hum of Billy’s breathing.

“B?” he asked, with a wavering voice. “Am I going to be alright?”

Billy frowned, but didn’t look up. “Give yourself some time, babe.”

“But I mean…” Teddy continued, slightly hesitant. “When we get older. If… when we get to be adults together. My life’s so fucked-up. How can I… what kind of… man could I be? What kind of… father could I be…”

Billy’s head jerked up at those words. “You’re going to the most amazing dad. You are selfless and caring and goofy and you can shape-shift into all sorts of funny animals! Are you kidding, our kids will love you.” Billy paused, realizing what he had just said. “Yes, I did say our kids because I’m not going anywhere, T. Oh, and I want a small army of brats and I hope each and every one of them is as impossible as my brothers so we don’t get lazy in our old age.”

“Oh, God,” Teddy chuckled. After a silent pause, he added “I hope you are right. I just want to be free from this… this fear of failing and… and falling into dark thoughts. Dark places.” He wiped a tear that had made its way across his cheek.

Billy had rested his head on Teddy’s chest again. “Don’t be afraid of falling, T. It’s natural. It’s human. Neither of us might exactly be human human, but you get my point. Don’t be afraid. Because, if you fall, I will pick you up. Always. I will always be there to pick you up and lift you up, just as I’m sure you will be there for me.” Billy felt Teddy’s arms tighten around his shoulders, and he burrowed his face into Teddy’s chest. “We can both fly, if we can’t lift each other up, who can?”

Teddy smiled.

There was a long pause, which Teddy interrupted just to whisper “Goodnight, my sweet cowboy.”

“Goodnight,” Billy replied, grinning. He paused for a couple of seconds, then added “Hey, can I sleep like this?” holding Teddy even tighter for emphasis.

“You have to sleep like that,” Teddy replied, then placed a delicate kiss on Billy’s curly head.

Silence fell into the room once again. Both boys were half-asleep, when Teddy spoke up again. “Hey, what was on the other pair of PJs that was so terrible you went with cartoon cowboys?”

Billy snorted and hid his face in Teddy’s chest even further.

“Smurfs.”

Teddy grinned.

He definitely had something to look forward to.

[nastassia1031]

Supernatural 12x22 and how fandom saved my life

 This show.

THIS SHOW.

I’ve been a Supernatural fan since episode one. I have the inscription from the Colt tattooed on my ribs. This show means more to me than every other fannish obsession I have combined.

I was a few weeks behind. My husband and I watch Supernatural together, and he just started a new job, so we watched episodes 12x20 on tonight, and since 12x23 ended I’ve just been in shock, and I think it’s really just dawning on me why.

It’s not just Cas, though that’s a lot of it. Crowley’s death saddens me, but I’m glad he went out that way - on his own terms.

It’s 12x22 and Dean’s speech to Mary. 

Let’s go back. 

Way back.

Back to season 4. It’s 2008. GWB is still president, and he’s the worst leader any of us could ever imagine. You know, a much simpler time. But not for me.

You see, my Mom was sick. She had breast cancer. Things were rough, but she had her double mastectomy October 1, and things were going well. And on October 2, 4x03 - In The Beginning, aired. I worked nights at a printing company, typesetting expensive wedding invitations then. She watched it as she was laying in the hospital and called me at work, telling me to watch it as soon as I got home because it was amazing. I did, and it was. I loved getting to see Mary as a person and not just an idea of a person like she had been in the past few seasons. We were both fascinated by the turn the show had taken with Castiel and the other angels, and we couldn’t wait to see what was coming next.

She didn’t get to see it. The last episode I remember watching with my Mom was 4x06 - Yellow Fever. Things went downhill and they went downhill fast. By then, she barely knew what was going on. The cancer had spread to her spinal fluid and into her brain. She knew me, but that was about it. In one of her more lucid moments, she said Sam and Dean should fight the cancer monster.

They probably could have won.

I watched Yellow Fever sitting beside her bed, and in all the ridiculous funny moments in that episode, I’d turn to my Mom, expecting her to laugh or say something about how of course Sam was the cuter brother. (She was a Sam!girl to the last, while I will always be a Dean!girl.) Instead, there was the same blankness that would be there for most of her last days.

December 6 she died.

The next episode I really remember is 4x16 - On the Head of A Pin. It’s March by then. I’m living with my grandmother, alternating between numbness and crippling grief. I’m reading a lot of season 2 fanfic. I understand Dean. I understand his numb, angry grief at John’s death, and I understand his willingness to sell his soul to save Sam. 

I understood the latter the most. I stood in the hospital chapel in her last days - in that cold room that smelled of desperation - and I prayed to anyone or anything. I offered my soul, myself, anything at all. I would have burned the world with a smile to save her, but no Crowley came with a contract and a kiss for me.

I watched 4x16 and Dean was shattered and broken from his time in hell, Sam was hooked on demon blood, and Castiel was questioning all he knew but somehow that episode gave me hope.

In May, I packed up my car and moved to Texas. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t perfect, but I packed up my life like a Winchester and moved to a place I’d never been before.

And I lived. I healed.

I met my own Dean Winchester November of that same year, not quite a year after my Mom died. I married him this past October. 

He’s a nerd as well, though he grew up on Star Trek and Farscape instead of Buffy and Harry Potter. But a few months after we moved in together, I asked him if he wanted to watch my favorite show. And he did.

Season 7 was underway by then, but we started from the beginning, and he loved it. He doesn’t watch a lot of TV anymore, but Supernatural is the one show we always watch together.

We got married October 13, 2016, a date that turned out to be the season 12 premiere. It only seemed appropriate. When I say I married my Dean Winchester, I mean it. A man who works with his hands, loves pie, calls every women sweetheart in a way that manages to be sweet, can talk to anyone and rocks a flannel shirt like no one else? That’s my husband. 

My Mom never met him. And when season 12 started and Mary came back and Dean and Sam got a do-over, I wished so much for the same. Because she would have loved him. They would have been thick as thieves, just like she and I were.

And that brings it all back to Dean’s speech in 12x22. I understand. I understand him so much. Some part of me will always be angry at my mother for ignoring her illness until she couldn’t any longer, for not giving me the chance to save her, for leaving me.

My Mom was always this bigger than life person to me, and when she died it became even more true. But in season 12, we got to meet Mary as a real person with flaws. And somehow, after all these years, seeing that reminds me that my Mom was a person who wasn’t perfect, but that’s okay.

If the Supernatural version of Heaven exists, I’d like to think she and I could take a bit of our chunk of eternity to catch up on some TV. She’s a few seasons behind on our favorite show.

But this is why even after a dozen seasons this show gets me like nothing else can. The reason I’m in Texas is because I met another fan on Livejournal a million years ago in season 1 and I moved here because of her. 

We don’t speak anymore, but think about that. If it wasn’t for Supernatural, I never would have met the love of my life. If I hadn’t had the tentative plan of moving to Texas, I honestly don’t know if I would have survived those first raw weeks after my Mom died. If I hadn’t been able to bury myself in fandom, I don’t know how I would have endured.

But I did. I have a life now. A man who adores me - not in spite of my weird, silly nerdiness but because of it. Two cats and a dog. A burgeoning writing career.

A life.

It was supposed to be her and I until the wheels fell off. I’m still riding shotgun, but I have someone different behind the wheel. He even lets me pick the music.

And I’m happy. It took me a lot of years to be able to even think that without feeling guilty for allowing myself to be happy.

I love you, Mom. I forgive you. And I forgive myself.

Thank you, Supernatural. Thank you for everything.