#i do not label myself his number 1 fan for nothing

[hollywoodsargeant]

between you and the twitter logan meme account … i have become a logirlie. a loFAN. like i had no real feelings towards him he just existed and now i’m ready to defend him forever

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT LOGAN SARGEANT UPDATES they’re the only twitter account allowed to make Those jokes about him actually i always laugh. really good stuff

and ofc i am very persuasive. LOFANS! he’s my favoritest boy ever and i am just here to make that everyone’s problem. my hobby is driving buses until everyone gets on them and i mean so far so good i’m a genius. i WILL expand logan’s fan base with the power of yelling on the internet

[dreaamerwrites]

TO DO LIST! 😘

organizing the asks + comments i received! will continue to update this list as i receive more hehe + will try to mark the ones i plan on working on next!!

note #1: this list is in order of when i received asks, nothing special here! note #2: if you don't specify drabble/reaction/etc, then i will just decide for myself~~~ hehe note #3: i will work on these out of order! whatever i'm inspired for most = will be worked on first!! i don't have tons of time to write, so please forgive me for not being able to get to every request super fast 💖💖💖

ty for requesting!!

son heungmin

hurt/injury comfort time for our captain sonny please he deserves all the cuddles and love after his injury

Heung-min son and y/n being in a relationship but with an age gap? Like y/n is younger than him and still studying at the university?

sonny comforting his gf after her final exams pls

some jealous sonny content

would you write one for Sonny where the reader is a famous actress and they are always supporting each other?

for Sonny, one where the reader is Brazilian and she goes to watch the match in Qatar

can you do a sonny one where he's really needy/clingy and super PDA with y/n after winning a match and his teammates are making fun of him for how much y/n and sonny love each other <3

son heungmin with a famous korean volleyball s.o/reader where maybe she's older than him

an imagine of Son Heung-min being in a secret relationship with you and you’ve been together for a long time?

can you write one for Sonny? Maybe where his girlfriend is a famous singer/actress and his teammates want to meet her/make “jokes” about her?

cho guesung

our fav no.9 can we get some extra toothrotting fluff bath time please don't need anything smutty just extra extra fluffy -- WORKING ON AS OF 12/12/22

cho gue sung imagine or a oneshot where the reader is a famous idol but they are very sweet to each other and are like any normal couple

one about cho guesung. Where him and reader has like a 6 month old baby, and they visit one of his games in Qatar

can you write an imagine of guesung after the brazil game? like the reader comforts him

one where Yn is on vacation in Qatar and she runs into Guesung in a cafe or restaurant and they somehow click immediately, having that flirty but comfortable atmosphere between them? And maybe you can make Yn not know (at first) that he’s actually a famous footballer or something like that

a really fluff centered imagine , where y/n and Cho Gue Sung have kids together (might combine with the other one about dad!guesung!!)

imagine with cho gue sung where you are a fan watching a match of him and he keeps looking at you, and then gives you his number

(if you write smut) something where gu-sung was so happy and excited he won a match and wanted to celebrate w/u so he took you somewhere where he was alone w/u and let out his excitement to you 😫

an imagine of Cho Gue Sung where he is playing video games with you and you make bets on who is in charge of house work for the next day! or maybe Cho Gue Sung and a teammate go on a variety show and Cho becomes flirty with you but when his teammate does it he gets competitive!

another Cho Gue Sung fic, maybe something fluffy about how him & yn meet after he returns from WC and she doesn’t recognize him? A meetcute type of thing

write something about Cho gue sung about maybe having a fling with him being like fwb, but then when he saw her with another player of the KNT with her, he lost it. And then both him and her just accepting their own feelings. Maybe where the fml already likes him, but he was afraid of putting labels

one shot with cho gue sung, where you get introduced by heung min son, and you slowly start to fall for each other then start dating

an imagine with gue sung where he comforts his gf when she’s having a rough time or a bad day? i just KNOW this man gives the best cuddles

imagine w Cho Gue Sung were S/O is a kpop idol and they have this secret relationship because of their fans? So dispatch or something like this finds out and make a post reveling everything and the couple has to manage the situation together...

Could you please write overprotective Cho gue sung

could u write something angst to fluff w/ gyusung? like they get into an argument over something and then they ignore each other. later she sees him talking to another girl and she gets sad or something lol idk but something fluffy after that?

lee kangin

lee kangin being clingy with his s/o! like he's just so attached to him and can never get enough of them <3

paik seungho

something about Paik Seungho (the guy who made the goal against Brazil) idk like a post match thing with fluff and smut? Something about him being the striker of the match so y/n shows him how proud she is...

updated 12/17/22

[misslauwie]

Support Jimin til The End

I dont want to be labeled as Solo Stan but the recent sabotages and twitter feeds have been making me feel sad for Jimin. I feel that Face album face a great injustice with Hanteo, YT views, Spotify splitting the English and Korean version, & the sheer short period that it was allowed to air. Not to mention BB Hot 100 chart.

I am a baby army myself hence I was quite perplexed on how Hybe / BH could bungle Jimin solo debut badly. And thats an understatement from my part. Face to me is a masterpiece. From the concept, music, vocals, emotions transmitted by the lyrics, and the flow of the album itself. Its like Jimin is a story teller but his story is so relatable that it resonates to the General Public not just army. Hence the short period it was allowed to languish is just a TRAGEDY.

Some may say that lets be an adult here. Good music will last and eventually reach GP (general public). But we are currently living in a fast moving environment where news changes in the speed of light. Just take FED stance on US interest rates. They can change within weeks. My point being here is that if there is a way to put on more promotions to hype Face so it can reach GP then why not. Some may also argue that army is too fixated with charts and ranking. I would argue that for an artist song to trend and be pushed towards GP feeds / fyp, they need to trend. For that song to trend, statistics matter. Number of views matter. Number of plays matter. And I think the most basic description of a fan is basically spreading good music of their artist towards non fans.

So when wk 2 happened and Jimin was on an isolated basis booted off top 10 of BB hot 100.. I put on my investigative hat to determine whether Jimin was really sabotaged either by the industry or by his own Company.

I think we wont beat the dead horse with regards to being discriminated upon on BB charts because it didnt happen only to Jimin. But also BTS. So I started facts checking about the discrimination within Hybe / BH that was insinuated by many. And when Suga album dropped I can see discrepancy with regards to Hanteo chart as well as YT views. Hanteo didnt freeze for x hours and erase c. 700k of Jimin's album. YT also didnt delete as many views. So I admit I was a bit ticked and thought wow this narrative of him being sabotaged by his own Company must be true.

But then ... on my Twitter feed I came across PJM account twitting their playlists being reported because they solely have Jimin's songs in it and not Suga too. Please refer to pic below.

Now the dots starting to connect for me. I was having trouble believing that Jimin was singlehandedly discriminated against at Hybe. Just because the set and cinematography they put out for Set Me Free Part 2 is BTS level and not B-side level. It must have cost a pretty penny for them to even involve so many dancers for SMF pt 2 not to mention the built up set.

Hence I came to the conclusion that its not so much a sabotage from Hybe / BH but a matter of prioritization. Hybe / BH is in a catch 22 situation where if they push or champion Jimin too much then they risk angering another part of BTS fandom; the toxic part of the fandom that is.

Eventhough Im a Jimin bias, I love many of BTS discography. Jimin recruited me during ON era and I came to love JK and Jhope. But the fandom need to understand that being human means that you will have your own preference / favorites. Liking 1 member more than the others does not equal to a collosal sin. OT7 or Nothing. I can be Jimin bias and still love on the street and put it on repeat because that genre is easy listening to my ear. Do I love all of Jimin's solo? Honestly serendipity never resonates within me but I put Promise, Filter and With You on repeated playlist.

I think some of the members have realized that Army is becoming so big that there are some solos that are toxic. This is why most of the members always hype the OT7 principles. But the message may be lost in translation. The members themselves said that if you are an army you would love all members. On the flipside of it is Jimin saying him cutting off friends who talked badly about any members of BTS. But in essence what they are trying to promote I think is "dont hate any of the members".

By now Im sure these nearing 30s boys are well verse in human relationship and its complicated dynamics. They themselves have members whom they are closer to as compared to the others. And this might change as they grow. Because people grow and change. Suga and Jimin himself said that human relationship is complicated but needed in life. Suga also stated that he is comfortable being in the back during performances because he believes in the 3Js delivering stunning performances. Remember what he said is that BTS works because they respect each other for the skills that each member has.

Healthy competition is good to keep them on their toes; striving to be the best, to be the trendsetter. But I believe they are also very much aware of their own specialities (edge) and shortcomings. Suga / RM are composers / producers. They have many credits on songwritings. They are set in life and I believe they know it too; especially Suga.

Would argue that even though I love Jimin but he coddled the army too much in the sense that he thinks army is teenage girls / boys. Well I wouldnt completely blame him with the way they are behaving currently. But I think the OT7 message that they are trying to deliver got lost in translation and they need to come up with a new way of delivering the true OT7 meaning; no hates just love. Fortunately with Chapter 2, seems like we are moving in the right direction where we see Suga breaking down the smoking stereotype, Jimin dancing to a more risque coreagraphy and RM calling out fans during his lives.

Army comes from different geographies and backgrounds. While some seems more well to do than others given that BTS concerts which is very costly always sold out, some stream members' song using prepaid data. Meaning its not even wifi or broadband internet. They are using quotas to stream songs. Hence its not fair to ask everyone to support all members' projects equally.

I wish Army will reflect and gather to spread positivity / love rather than hatred.

We certainly need a better game plan for PJM2. But in the meantime I will continue to stream Face.

With Jimin til the End.

[becomingbts]

Time heals (sometimes) - Teaser 1

Summary: 6 years ago, (Y/N) thought that she was finally taking her life into her hands, leaving behind a toxic and abusive relationship with a man who taught her she’d never be worthy of love. However, it became hard to ignore his words when she met her seven soulmates who rejected her without even giving her a chance to prove herself. It took (Y/N) 3 years to realize that it wouldn’t be her end. She would live on to prove them all wrong; she would become what they all thought she wasn’t: someone worthy of love. And as she stands proudly on the stage, under the burning spotlights and the applause and the cries of the delirious crowd, she feels alive. Alive, just like the bond she believed to be broken.

Pairings: Y/N x OT7

GENRE: Soulmate AU!, Idol Y/NAU!, semi social-media AU!, ANGST (mainly), fluff, romance, maybe smut in the series.

Ask or comment to be tagged!

Warnings: The series is going to be heavy with a lot of personal experiences mixed into the fiction, so this is going to be kind of therapeutic for me. Please, consider not reading the series if you are not comfortable with: abandonment issues, anxiety, panic attacks, depression, self-harm (not descriptive and only part of MC’s past), suicide thoughts (in the past), toxic behavior, toxic and abusive relationship (in the past), depreciating self-talk and low self-esteem, a lot of curse, physical and mental pain, near death experience situation (in the past), and maybe smut scenes (happy ending though, but it will probably be quite the ride).

NOTE: I was thinking of “Moonchild” and for some reasons, some memories I’d prefer to have forgotten came back to my mind and instead of making a full-blown panic attack like I used to, I thought that it would make a great plot if I mingled that with a soulmate and idol verse and that’s how I started going into it. This is going to be loaded with personal experiences, even if they’ll probably be a bit differently explained compared to what I experienced. Despite the heavy themes and many warnings, I hope you guys will like it. I think I really needed to write it. It will be a semisocial media AU!, because I like the idea of being to write some of their conversations through texts. However, I do plan on fully writing most of it. Though, you’ll have some updates about their social medias as I will update their profiles soon after you see this. I will probably mix a lot of different media for this story such as songs written and produced by myself. I’ll upload for real MC’s EP. So expect a lot for this story. Please take well care, feedback is always very warmly welcomed, it helps me to write for real. If you need to talk to someone, my dms are always opened and if you really don’t feel well, please call urgency numbers.

Thank you for reading,

-Dolly

"And we will close our night show with the most awaited segment! The audience jumped during the commercial break, it's amazing how many people just joined us! Welcome to our interview segment and especially, welcome and thank you so much for being with us Moon!”

"Of course, thank you for having me on your radio show." 

"Thank you for coming! I have to mention that this is your very first interview with another media than your usual personal platforms like Vlive, YouTube, or Instagram, so we are honored to be the first ones to greet you! Do you plan on making more activities outside your personal schedule for the promotion of your new album?" 

"If I may be honest, not really. I'm the most comfortable in my own safe zone and I tend to try not to get out of it too often. It might close some doors to me but I'm comfortable with my fans that way. However, I often listen to this radio show and a lot of my fans were enthusiastic about that so I thought: why not."

"Ah, thank you so much, it means a lot! Your fans are indeed a strong community and they support you whether you go to TV shows or not. Besides, you've been a very active artist on social media and your whole career started on YouTube and SoundCloud before you signed to your current agency. We have to congratulate you on your journey! It's barely been two years but here you are, with your second EP 'People'! Congratulations on the release!" 

"Thank you very much."

“For our listeners who might not know who Moon is, I’m going to introduce her to you: Moon, your real name is (Y/N), you were born on August 4th, 1998, Incheon and your mother was American so you pursued your studies in America. You have been taking online classes since the start of your career at the HULT, university of Florida, and even recently got your Business Bachelor, now aiming for a Ph.D. You started your journey on Youtube, uploading covers and vlogs until you finally started producing your own songs, releasing them on Soundcloud. You started gaining a lot of followers; thus, you started on other social media such as Twitter or Instagram. One year ago, you release your first EP called ‘BALANCE’  which is the reason why the music label BigHit reached to you and asked you if you wanted to sign with them. Did I get everything right?”

“You are. It feels like you know my life better than I do.”

"Ah not at all, but thank you, I am glad that I didn’t say something wrong! Would you mind sharing the concept of this EP? Many of your fans probably already know but maybe some of our daily listeners might not!" 

"Of course. As you said, 'People' is my second EP, yet the first to be studio recorded. Signing with BigHit is a big step in my career and it created a lot of changes, hence I decided to focus on the people I have met, stayed with, became close to, or detached myself from… This is dedicated to the people who changed my life, whether they intended to or not. It could be interpreted as my social life diary in a way." 

"I see, many of your fans have said that the album held a very distinct duality, with a bright and a much darker side that made quite the storm on social media. ‘Y/N our Moon’ and ‘MOONISBACK’ trended for a few nights on Twitter. Do you have anything you'd like to say about that?" 

"I guess it was a surprise because this mini-album is really raw and uncensored. I didn't try to sugarcoat it nor to romanticize my experiences. I hope it brings comfort to people who haven't been feeling well. Because I think that it’s always easy to say that it's going to be okay to someone who’s not feeling well. Everything doesn’t suddenly become okay. And it's fine to be hurting, you can learn to live with this pain and move on while still hoping for better days. There is no end to hopes, and this is why my EP has a brighter side to it. Not everything is always a vast cold ocean. Sometimes, there are small or big waves that come crashing into our universe and they form something that we couldn't have imagined. They bring a little piece of sunshine in life and it helps to move on. So I hope that people who are struggling know that, despite how insignificant I might be, there is a person that understands and can relate to their struggles. I hope it can comfort them, even just slightly, to know that they are not alone." 

"That's a beautiful way to put it."

"Ah, thank you." 

"I have to ask because I'm really curious and I’m definitely not the only one: a lot of your fans have been theorizing about who could your title track ‘TIME’ be about? I have to ask you on the behalf of everyone. Is it okay for me to break the mystery?" 

"Time is a track that shouldn’t have made it to the EP. It’s a bit like a fit of personal anger that I didn’t know I needed to let out.”

“Your anger was definitely heard and understood. People have been curious about the addressee of the song especially because of the line ‘maybe it’s time I finally let go of you’. So can you tell us who is it about?” 

“Uh...Time was written for my seven soulmates who rejected me years ago." 

"Seven!?"

"Yeah, it's a lot I know.”

“Is that why you have covered your soul mark with this tattoo on your arm? Netizens talked about it a lot; normally idols tend to cover their arm from the public eyes to avoid for their soulmates’ names to be known, but instead, you were proudly showing your tattooed arm, fully covering what might be under the ink. Many people assumed that it meant that you didn’t have a soulmate at all.” 

“Well, I decided to cover the mark because there was no reason for me to keep it without hurting myself. I decided that I have been hurt enough to let myself take a rest. I didn’t see the point in hiding my arm either, I’m proud of my tattoo, I mean; it’s really a beautiful piece in my opinion. But to answer the assumptions, I don’t consider that I have soulmates anymore, hence why the tattoo as well." 

"This is really a heartbreaking story, it must have been extremely hard. Breaking a soul bond is immensely dangerous, my link with my husband already itches when I spend the day away from him, so seven soul bonds? It must have been terrible." 

"It was, but the most important is where I am now. I'm not lingering on that anymore because they made their choices and I thus made mine. I just hope that they all are healthy and happy where they are." 

"I have to say I'm really impressed (Y/N)-shi, you really have a delicate and caring soul. I probably wouldn't be able to have such soft words about your soulmates had I been in your shoes."

"I think living the actual experience made me reflect on myself a lot. I'm comfortable where I am now, I'm able to do music and make what I love. I have nothing to complain about, I'm surrounded by lovely and supportive fans, I have the best manager I could have ever hoped for and a warm and healthy family. I don't need more on my side." 

"I'm glad you are happy then. Many of your fans have pointed out it's really hard to make you smile and some wonder if you are happy, especially after the release of ‘TIME’, I don’t blame some of your fans for being worried." 

"Ahhh, is smiling the only way to prove that we are happy? I believe my words are usually a bit more impactful than my facial expressions. I have to admit that I don't often smile, it's not a bad thing, at least I don't think so, but I just don't feel the need to smile when I don’t feel like it. Besides, I get shy easily when I expose my emotions too much." 

"It's hard to imagine you being shy but at the same time now that I have you in front of me, our listeners cannot see you, but I definitely feel that you have a very shy and reserved aura despite the energy you give off when you are on stage. It’s not unfriendly either, but you’re just very soft-spoken and quiet in everything you do. Like when you came in, I barely heard you entering at all; you’re just silently making your way without a fuss, it’s really endearing, to be honest."

"Ah... I’ve been told that my stage persona and the ‘me’ in real life were two different entities but I don’t really think it’s true. I'm extremely introverted and it doesn't really mix well with the stage. So I just put it on the side for the people who came to see me and deserve to see more than a 24 years old woman who has troubles speaking without stuttering in front of other people." 

"You stutter when you have to speak in front of other people?" 

"Sometimes it happens when I’m nervous, and I’m very often nervous. Like right now, I’m extremely nervous. But it's something I'm working on." 

"Well it's definitely paying off because I couldn't sense that you were nervous at all, just very calm and soft, but I wouldn’t be able to imagine you being nervous enough to stutter."

"A lot of artists actually have stage fright, most of them just don't want to admit it because it doesn't sound sexy when you tell your fans you're actually shaking before going up there for the show." 

"This is very true, but it's refreshing to hear it from someone who actually lives through that rather than fan theories." 

"That's understandable." 

"Our time is coming to the end, do you have anything you would like to add before we sadly get our mics taken away?" 

"Oh uhm, everyone, my new mini-album 'People' came out very recently and yet it already received a lot of love so I want to thank you for that. This EP was a very personal project and I was worried about how it would be welcomed but you all made me realize that I have nothing to fear because we'll always find someone who can relate to our stories. As long as I can help even one person with my songs, then it's enough for me. Thank you for listening to me and my voice. I hope we'll be able to meet soon. Love you my fans and non-fans as well, please take well care of yourselves in those times. Be careful and stay safe. Wear your mask!" 

“Thank you so much Moon for being with us tonight. Our time was short but I really enjoyed it, I hope our listeners were able to feel that very warm presence of yours through the mic. ‘Give Me A Song’ of Moon’s EP ‘People’ will now be playing and we will see each other tomorrow night with IU for the release of her new album LILAC. Take care!”

Comments or Ask to be tagged!

Uploaded : 08/04/2021

[thegatesofinfinitespace]

8 (is this a joke)

Send me a number 1-500 and my muse will anonymously talk about yours

“...You. Of course, I should have known.” There’s only fondness there, though, the way his lips curl up not into a sneer, but a genuine smile. We’re recording this for posterity’s sake, for the future, for the just in case. “You are the most important being in my life. I don’t believe I’ve ever experienced devotion towards anyone else in the same way I value you.”

“You know well how we met, that promise we made to each other. At the time, I’d no idea and could not fathom how your presence would affect me. How your absence even for a small moment was... excruciating. How... that brief moment with her made me so furious, not just because she was human but how she treated you.”

“That she was not the only one to cause you such scarring, that there were worse offenders... You probably still have no clue how far I was willing to go just to keep you from that lifeless expression, that pain, that agony. Believe me when I say I’m not entirely sure you’d... be happy if I made that choice for you.” 

“I... realized how much you impacted me, but it wasn’t as if I had the words for it. Those volatile feelings, you know that I don’t have any experience in experiencing them, but... It again took you for me to label them.” By that point, he should have understood, right? No, he... 

“...I’m not one to forego a promise. You were not one to change your decision. That we went through with it was unsurprising, but... you...” He hesitates. Stops. Starts again. “I’ve taken lives before. Do, they do not weigh upon me. Yours... Yours...”

“I don’t ever want to go through that again. I can’t. Is this what addiction is like? Your laugh, your bright eyes, your smile directed at me, the warmth of your hand in mine, the way you cling in your recharge cycle, your trust, your artificial breathing, I can’t... I can’t be without them any longer. I...” His eyes are unfocused, recalling. “Your absence was unlike anything that had been inflicted upon me. What I vowed to you... It...”

“It hurts.” 

“Like there is a hand inside my chest, fingers curling around my core, slowly cutting off every function, squeezing. Did you know? I can’t unhear it, the soft sound of your fans slowing to a halt, the silence of nothing and you still there right next to me.” Hide behind his hand, turn off the lights so that it’s only darkness. For some reason recalling that incident makes the ringing worse.

Stop thinking about it.

“...”

“By now, I’m fairly sure I have a label for at least these feelings. You were the one to define them for me. They’re irrational things that bring waterfalls of coiling thoughts and moods, I still cannot name them all. I cannot predict myself under their influence, but I equally understand they’re all directed at you.” 

“...I should thank you, then. For breaking me in this manner, because I... I think I prefer being broken for you.” As ironic as that sounded, but as he’d said, illogical.

“Perhaps... You are too, then? You still stand beside me even though you still do not know everything about me. I...” He flexes his fingers, staring at the nanomachines that begin to dance around them. They circle into a vague spherical shape. “...I don’t want to tell you about them. Because as much as you and she label me as strong, there... There is something that I still fear. I feared that it would take you from me, because I cannot comprehend what it’s capable of. What it means.”

“Instead, I... Even though it made me wish to end, I... don’t want to anymore, not since meeting you.”

“....It haunts me now. This past of mine, I don’t want that weight upon you. I don’t want you to worry for me, because I only wish to hold you, to be your pillar for as long as you’ll lean on me.”

“....”

“....I... can’t even say I’m at peace, because peace is now labeled as every moment spent simply by your side. I finally have you, I can simply exist with you, and now that I feel... content, I...”

“I don’t want to go. I want to be here. I want to be with you. Why now do I...?”

...

.....

.......

“...That phrase. You know what it means, coming from me, because it was only ever meant for you.”

“...”

“I love you.”

[ozzdog12]

2020 Top 7 (and 1)

2020 am I right? We saw an insane amount of games come out and 2 brand new consoles. What a wild and weird year for gaming, and life in general. In case you are relatively new here, and to be honest that would be completely fair considering I don't post very often on Tumblr anymore, every year going on the last 4 years (on here) I have done a Top 7 (& 1) for my favorite videogames of the year. Check out 2019, 2018, & 2017. What’s wild, as I look back on my list of games that I’ve completed and played, only maybe 10 came out this year. 2020 was a huge backlog year. 

Lets get on with the ‘And 1!”

Favorite Game that Didn’t Come out in 2020: Control (PS4)

Control may very well have been my 2019 Game of the Year, had I played it in 2019. I LOVED Control. I wanted to play it in 2019, but initial reports that it was a little rough on base consoles put me off until it was fixed. And Holy smokes what an insanely fun and trippy game once I finally started it. I knew within the first 20 minutes this was going to be the shit when I went down a hall, walked into a room and talked to the “janitor” left out a door behind him and the entire building had shifted. I’ve always liked Remedy games, but from a distance. Max Payne 1&2 and Alan Wake all oozed with weirdness and intrigue, but never enough for me to finish them. I missed out on Quantum Break. The story is Control is just the right amount of mind f*!$ for me and builds a universe I didn’t know I needed. It take some time to piece everything together, then everything just clicks. The game does have a weird difficulty spike when fighting bosses and the checkpoints were too far apart at times, but those were later patched. I spent an insane amount of time within the Federal Bureau of Control building and even more time after that with the Foundation and AWE DLC and it STILL wasn’t enough. I wanted more. Outside of Prey, I can’t think of another game that stuck in my brain more after I’d finished it. Control is absolutely a MUST PLAY title. In a world where everything sort’ve feels similar, Control stands out of the crowd.

Number 7: Astro’s Playroom (PS5)

I never thought in my wildest dreams that a game I had almost zero interest in playing would end up on my list of favorite games this year. Astro’s Playroom is being labeled as a ‘Tech demo’ but that feels like an insult to what it is. It’s a full fledged game and its free! I’ve paid more for less. A charming little platformer that lives and breathes the history of the Playstation. So many cool Easter eggs and references. It certainly centers its gameplay around the DualSense controller and everything it can do, but at its core, its a completely approachable and forgiving 3D platformer. I played it just to see what it was about, next thing i knew I had completed all the levels and wanted to further explore all the nooks and crannies within the game. I wanted to see everything the game had to offer and I had an absolute blast doing so. Makes me kinda wish I’d played the previous game on PSVR (I’d have to have a PSVR too)

Number 6: Spider-Man: Miles Morales (PS5)

Another quality title, albeit a spin-off, from Insomniac to add to their Spider Man universe. Gameplay felt obviously like Spider-Man, but Miles has unique abilities that made the game feel different enough, especially the cloak and stealth. I enjoyed the fact that it was short and concise. The issue with most ‘open-world’ games is that they are entirely too bloated with unnecessary filler content (I’ll get to that in a later game), something I felt the first game suffered from, but I also understand why they are there. However I could’ve use one or two more story missions to help flesh out some characters, but it wasn’t required and didn’t change my opinion one way or the other. My one BIG gripe was with Miles himself. He is an extremely smart young kid, but so incredibly naïve. Peter Parker tells him the one thing he SHOULD NOT do is tell people he is Spider-Man. I get it, that’s part of his growth, but Miles thinks he can just solve his problems by revealing his identity and it almost certainly never works out. 

Number 5: The Last of Us: Part 2 (PS4)

The Last of Us Part 2 may be the most polarizing game in the history of the medium, but for the absolute wrong reasons. I’m in the minority that I very much enjoyed my experience with TLOU2, quite a bit actually. Its better in every single way over its predecessor, except the overall story. There are plenty of fair criticisms to be had about the story and various things within the game itself, but I thought the gameplay was so tight and crunchy. There were genuine moments of suspense and terror that I felt that no other game has ever given me. The entire hospital section (2nd time) was so susensful, I had to put my controller down to gther myself. Some of my favorite moments in the series I experienced with a character I wasn’t overly fond of. How many games can do that? The Last of Us Part 2 was meant to invoke emotion, not necessarily joy. I think that's what people lost along the way. Say what you will about the direction Naughty Dog has taken over the years, but you would be hard pressed to find a studio that makes games graphically better than they do. Yes, I know about their crunch culture, but this is not a place for that. I will say, the game was a tad bit too long, which is not something it typically say for a single player, narrative driven game. The pacing and the way the story was told wasn’t my favorite, but I respect what it was trying to do, even if it failed in some aspect of that, I finished the game within the week it was released. Something I RARELY ever do. I’m a father and I related with Joel a lot in TLOU, but I also recognized how wrong he was. There is a lesson to be learned. Your actions always have consequences and while he was doing what he thought was the right thing, it wasn’t his choice to make, and in doing so set up a series of events that were entirely avoidable, but again, that’s the point isn’t it?

Number 4: Grindstone (Switch)

I’m counting this as a 2020 game since it just came to the Switch this year ( less than a month ago) but its not the first time I’ve played it. Grindstone was the only reason I kept my Apple Arcade subscription and when I let it lapse, there was a void I just couldn’t fill. I bought Puzzle Quest on Switch but it just wasn't the same. Its THE perfect game for bite sized play, even though in its addictive nature, you’ll clear a few levels and an hour has passed before you know it. It has the perfect amount of depth that most ‘match’ games don't. You have different weapons, items, and outfits w/perks to use and experiment with to keep it fresh. I went months without playing my Switch and when this was announced in August, I couldn’t wait! Sadly, I had to wait 3 months, but since then I have spent so much time on the Switch. It gave me a reason to play it again. The art style and humour is great. The variety of enemies and challenge is just right. I can’t recommend it enough. Seriously, check this game out!

Number 3: Doom Eternal (Xbox One)

I will be the first to tell you, I did not like Doom (2016). I found it extremely boring and trite. I understood what Doom(2016) was doing and it succeeded, maybe too much. Nostalgia is a helluva thing. So in saying that, I was mildly interested in Doom Eternal. Doom Eternal is nothing like 2016 outside of it being a Doom game that connects to the rest of them (& also being a sequel to 2016). The mechanics are drastically different with more platforming (for better or worse). Eternal is challenging, at times very hard, especially early on. Eternal has no respect for its players, in a weirdly good way. It laughs at how you’ve played FPS before this one and WILL MAKE you play it its way, not your way. Yes, you point and shoot, but ammo is scare and you MUST use everything in your arsenal. No more using just 2 guns for the whole game. The enemies are relentless. Sometimes you have to pause and take a breath after a battle because you go a 100 mph for the whole fight. You have to continuously move or you die. There is an enticing rhythm to it. I categorize Eternal as ‘Blood Ballet’. Its a game where when your feeling it, much like a rhythm game, you get in the zone and there is no stopping demons from getting slayed. Surprisingly, unlike most games in the genre, it seemed to get easier (sans one extremely frustrating platforming section late in the game) the longer you played it. Was that a testament that I ‘learned’ the Eternal way or it truly did get easier? I don’t know, but the final Boss(es) were....easy.. I had more problems and deaths within the first 4 hours than I did the final 8-9 hours. The multiplayer was also surprisingly fun. The older I get, the less interested I am in multiplayer, but I found myself coming back for more for a good month or so. 

Number 2: Gears Tactics (Xbox One)

As 2020 comes to a close, I came to a stunning realization. I might be a bigger Gears of War fan than I had previously thought. Don’t get me wrong. I love Gears, but I seem to love Gears more than I thought. I'm way more invested into the lore than I recall. Anyways, Gears Tactics is everything XCOM 2 SHOULD’VE been. Not only does Gears Tactics utilize the Overwatch action, its makes it EXTREMELY important. The story revolves around the father of Kait Diaz, Gabe and a ragtag group of mostly random soldiers to take down Ukkon. Anyone who is remotely interested in the Gears universe will love the story and references. The gameplay is just so damn satisfying. The bosses are very challenging and different. I actually had to change my strategy to finish the final boss. I experimented with a totally different style of class and was rewarded for it. The post game stuff is also aplenty. This game scratched a VERY specific itch for me and I’m itchy to jump back in. I’m glad this came to Xbox One because I’m current computer could not run it.

Number 1: Ghost of Tsushima (PS4)

I have a very odd relationship with massive open world games. I love them, but I get very burnt out on them. They all have a relatively same-y formula and are often populated with bloat. GoT does have some of that but to its advantage, its not very populated, in a good way. One of the things that I really appreciated about GoT and its side quest is most of them felt meaningful. The thing that really stood out to me about GoT is the absolutely satisfying combat. It just feels SO GOOD. It requires timing and patience. There are different fighting styles for different enemies and even the armor you wear is more than just cosmetic. The combat is so fun and satisfying that I was immediately excited when they announced Legends, a multiplayer add on, for free. Its so much fun and is a blast to play with a group of friends. I’m sporadically still playing the Legends mode. I initially wanted to play the game in ‘Kurosawa’ mode but I am glad I didn’t because the game, even on the PS4 is stunning, and on the upgrade on PS5 is jaw-droppingly smooth. I did play the entire game in Japanese with English subtitles. I still don't know what Jin’s English voice sounds like. GoT does a good job a drip feeding you new abilities and things to keep things fresh. I love stealth and once I unlocked it, I spent the majority of every battle taking out as many enemies as I could while in stealth mode. Ghost of Tsushima does a lot of things very well, that the few things it doesn’t can be easily overlooked.

[rmtndew]

All I’ve Ever Known

Summary: Fiona’s life is a shattered fraction of what it used to be. She’s trying to navigate her new normal when she meets Detective Marshall, who gives her something more to look forward to.

Pairing: Marshall and OFC.

Rating: PG

Warnings: Mentions of death, cancer.

A/N - This was intended as a short drabble but it got out of hand and became a multi-chapter story instead. It’s my first Marshall fic and the first fan fic that I’ve written in over a decade. The title comes from the song ‘All I’ve Ever Known’ from Hadestown: ‘I was alone so long, I didn’t even know that I was lonely. Out in the cold so long, I didn’t even know that I was cold. Turned my collar to the wind, this is how it’s always been. All I’ve ever known is how to hold my own, but now I want to hold you, too.’

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

The first Wednesday in October was the first day that truly felt like fall had arrived. There was a chill in the air that morning and the fallen leaves had taken on a lovely earthy smell after the rain from the night before had blown them off the trees and pummeled them to the ground. I made a mental note to ask one of the neighbor boys to clean the leaves off the driveway and stone path through the yard so Mom didn’t accidentally slip on them. She’d been so cooped up that summer, I didn’t want anything to be in her way of finally getting to enjoy the weather.

The drive to work was quiet and lovely. The sun warmed my car and when I reached the catering shop where I worked, I sat there for a few minutes, drinking my coffee and soaking up the feeling on my skin. I always got to work early so that I could have those few peaceful moments before the chaos of the day started.

Once inside the shop, I started working with my boss Darcy on filling the boxes for the day's orders. We had two major deliveries that day - a work conference at a hotel, and a training seminar being held in the public library late that afternoon. Other than that, we had our standing order for the homicide unit of the police department. At the beginning of the year, a man had been murdered and according to the news that covered it, there was next to no evidence and the case was sure to go cold. But a couple of the detectives wouldn’t let go and against the odds, they found the murderer and got a full confession out of him. The victim’s wife had been so grateful that she decided to have an ongoing order every Wednesday to buy lunch for the detectives who’d solved the murder, as well as their colleagues. She had received quite a bit of money after her husband’s death and decided to use some of it to pay them back in a small way. That order was always mine. It was fairly small and I could carry it in my car. The detectives were always polite but never tried to make small talk, which I enjoyed. The chatty orders went to Darcy’s nephew Nick, who could hold a conversation with a brick wall and enjoy it. 

Once the boxes for the detectives were filled and loaded into my car, I drove down to the station. I took the dolly from my trunk and strapped down the two insulated containers that had the boxed lunches packed in them. The wind whipped around me as I worked, blowing my hair in my eyes. I pushed it away and held it back with my free hand as I wheeled the food behind me. When I got into the building, an officer went through the containers, as always, to make sure I wasn’t bringing in any weapons, or whatever. The first few times he checked them, I was nervous that he’d find something, knowing full well that there was absolutely nothing illegal in them. Then, once I got to know him a bit, I had considered bringing him a cookie from the shop since I saw him every week, but then the irrational fear that he would think I was trying to bribe him to overlook the non-existent illegal materials I wasn’t trying to smuggle in took over. So, like with everything else in my life, I pushed away any urge, no matter how small, to socially interact with anyone longer than absolutely necessary. That’s why, after delivering there for several weeks, I knew he was Officer Bates (he wore a badge) and I was just ‘Waverly’, as in Waverly Box Catering, my company's name. 

Once Officer Bates checked to make sure everything in my containers was safe, he walked me to the elevator and hit the button for me. Thankfully the elevator was empty so that I wasn’t forced to make small talk with the officers or detectives outside of the homicide unit that always questioned why none of the other units got free lunches. The first few times I’d been asked it was awkward, all the other times after those were both awkward and annoying. 

When I reached the homicide unit floor, I made my way to their break room, where some of the detectives were waiting for me. I started unpacking the boxed lunches, placing them on the table, making sure that the names were clearly visible. As I placed the empty insulated containers back on my dolly, my phone rang. Normally I didn’t take calls on the job, but it was from Mom’s doctor’s office. 

I left the break room and found a quiet hall to answer the phone. It was a nurse called Karen confirming Mom’s appointment the following week. We’d made sure to write it on the calendar to remember it, but I thanked her for the reminder anyway and told her that we’d see her next Wednesday. After hanging up, I went back to the break room to collect my equipment. I was surprised to find that every single box had been claimed but one. I glanced at the name: Detective Marshall. Normally I didn’t keep track of who ordered what after the boxes had been filled and labeled, but I knew Detective Marshall’s order by heart. While every other detective switched their orders up, trying different things on the menu, Detective Marshall’s had remained the same every week. A cuban sandwich - whole, plain chips, and a peanut butter cookie. There were times when I’d be doing mindless tasks - washing the dishes, brushing my teeth, filling Mom’s pill box - when their order would randomly play through my mind, like some strange mantra. It was an odd thing to find calming but it reminded me of one of the exercises my therapist had me do as a teenager when my anxiety attacks would get bad. She had me multiply numbers, or mentally list every detail of my bedroom that I could think of, or recite the alphabet backwards. It was simple, mundane, ground exercises and without ever knowing me, Detective Marshall had become my adult version. 

I was about to leave when a uniformed officer came in. He went to the coffee pot but kept eyeing the box. It was nothing to me, really, if he took it. Detective Marshall could probably handle themselves against a lunch thief, but my gut wouldn’t let me let it go. So instead of leaving, I decided to take the box and hand deliver it.

I left my dolly behind and made my way back down the hall where I’d taken my call earlier. I’d noticed several detectives had private offices there and assumed their office would be there, too. I was right. I found Lieutenant Detective Marshall’s name engraved in a gold name plate mounted on a closed door. I took a deep breath before giving a hard and loud but short knock. 

“Yeah,” a man’s voice called out. 

He didn’t say anything else but I took it as an invitation to open the door. When I did, I was met with my first sight of Detective Marshall: A tall man with a short beard and a head of messy brown curls. He was wearing a forest green sweater, the sleeves pushed up to show his forearms. A gun and badge were clipped to the side of his jeans that hugged his muscular thighs. He was holding a folder, looking at it intently. After a moment, he looked up at me. He must have expected it to be someone he worked with because his expression went from neutral to confused in less than a second. He tilted his head, a crease appearing between his eyes - his beautiful blue eyes - as his brow furrowed. 

“Can I help you?”  

“I, um…” I swallowed hard. “I’m from Waverly Catering. I brought you your lunch,” I said, frozen on the spot at the entrance to his office. 

He looked more confused. “Don’t you usually leave them in the break room?” he asked. He sounded like he had a British accent.  

“Yes. And I did. But you didn’t come to get it. I was about to leave and it was the only one left and an officer came in, eyeing it, I was afraid that they would take it.” I suddenly felt my face get hot as this handsome man stared at me while I mumbled out some weird explanation for why I was interrupting his work. “Sorry,” I said, holding out the box. “Here.”

The slightest hint of a smile tugged at one corner of his mouth as he walked towards me. “Thank you.” He took the box from my outstretched hand, his fingers lightly brushing mine as he did. I was sure it was an accident and yet it instantly made my pulse race. “I appreciate it.” 

“You’re welcome,” I said, then turned to get out of there before I could embarrass myself further. 

“Do you make the cookies?”

I stopped and looked back at him. “What?”

He held up his box. “Are you the one who makes the cookies in here or do you just deliver?” 

“Oh. Yeah, I make them most of the time.”

He gave me a short lived, closed lip smile. “They’re very good.” 

My brain reacted as if I’d never heard a more flattering compliment in my life and I had to physically restrain myself from giggling. “Thank you,” I managed to say without betraying my giggling brain. “Have a good day.”

I left his office feeling like a teenage girl who’d just said something embarrassing in front of her crush and I couldn’t figure out why. The feeling lasted until I was back in my car. 

“Come on, Fiona, you’re a grown woman,” I whispered to myself, massaging my temples. “Don’t do this. Don’t do this.”

The last thing I needed on top of all of my responsibilities and already emotionally complicated current life situation was an unnecessary crush on a man just because he had pretty eyes and liked my cookies. But good heavens his eyes were pretty.

    _____________________________________

When I got home that afternoon, I found Mom in the living room. She was watching a cooking show. I went and gave her a kiss on the top of her head. Her hair was growing back just enough to feel like soft baby hair. I jokingly called it her duck feathers.

“How was your day, sweetie?” she asked.

I sat on the arm of the couch, facing her in the big recliner that swallowed her up. “It was good. Not too busy. I had my delivery to the police station again,” I said, letting myself grin. “I met one of the detectives, too. He was very handsome.” 

She looked at me, her cheeks a pretty pink color. It was such a wonderful sight after months of her being pale and gray. “Oh! What does he look like?” 

“He looks...manly,” I said. She laughed. “He was taller than me, which is always rare and attractive, and he has curly hair, and a beard, which I’m not usually attracted to but it really worked for him.” I sighed. “And his eyes. They were such a lovely blue.”

“Is he single?”

I shrugged and laughed. “I don’t know. I didn’t check for a ring. It wasn’t really that type of interaction,” I said. “I was just giving him his lunch and was surprised by how gorgeous he was.” I stood up. “Oh, and I think he’s English. He sounded like it anyway.”

“Honey, look for a ring next week!” 

“I won’t deliver next week, Nick will. You’ve got your appointment with Dr. Turner,” I reminded her. “I’m going to start dinner. Do you want anything special?”

She pointed at the TV. “They’re making chicken carbonara, it looks awfully tempting.”

I smiled. “I think I might be able to rustle some up for you. I’ll let you know when I’m done.”

“Thank you, Fi.”

[halo-jpeg]

Bearable | A Reddie Fanfiction

Read it from the beginning

Chapter 1

"Bill, why? Why would you say yes to that party? We don't know him! What if he's some serial killer? What if he tries to get us to do drugs? What if he kills us or lives in a dumpster or something?" Eddie is erratic, his drink still in his hand. They were hardly off the block of the little cafe known as Portland Authentic. Eddie hadn't been too fond of the guy behind the counter, mostly because he had written 'Eds' on his coffee cup. "I mean- we only just got to Portland and you're already going to get us killed or something!"

"Eddie, it'll be fine," Stan is the one to cut in with reassurance, taking a sip from his own cup and somehow not flinching at the taste of the straight caffeine, "Yeah, he was a little energetic but he didn't seem malicious. I think it'll be a good opportunity to get to know some new people." Eddie opened his mouth to speak, but Bill beat him to it, and no one had the disrespect to talk over Bill. That was just... off limits, so Eddie shut his mouth again and tried not to grimace.

"Buh-buh-besides," He started, one hand in the pocket of his jeans, the other soaking up the warmth of his cinnamon cappuccino, "It'll be guh-good to get out and see what kind of people Portland has to offer." With that, the discussion was closed, and Eddie let it drop with just a sigh, trying to shake away the lingering annoyance clinging to his mind. There were too many good things about Portland to worry about the bad things- in just a few days he would be working towards his dream as a doctor- he had always wanted to be a doctor. When he was younger, he had wanted his career to be within the health arena for the sake of reassuring his mother that he could take care of himself without being stuck behind a desk- now, though, he wanted to become a doctor to prove his mother wrong, to learn all sorts of things that would help him confirm that he wasn't sick, and had never been sick like Sonia Kaspbrak had said he was.

The rest of the walk back home was near silent, consisting of craned necks and obvious gawking- Portland really was gorgeous, and so different from Derry. Rather than the tiny, modest homes Eddie and his friends grew up knowing, almost everything in the downtown area was some form of 19th century architecture or something alike- each building consisted of warm tones, arched windows, grand streetlamps with pots of colourful flowers. Eddie can't even imagine what it must look like in the daylight.

"Oh, here's my work," Stan said, seeming not to have realized what street they were wandering down. The three halted outside of a small flower shop, Roses on Deane, and approached the large, open windows in the front. The lights were out inside, obviously, but it was still possible to make out the shapes of many many bouquets. Stan had managed to score a job a few months back thanks to a cousin who had a friend who owned the place, and though Stan never considered himself a huge fan of flowers, Eddie could see how the place would fit him. At least one of them had a job- Eddie shudders to think that there is yet another huge thing he needs to get done this weekend. If he doesn't have a job by next weekend then he won't be able to pitch in to help with rent. Bill, who had been working at the library back home, had been transferred here too, so he was also getting payed bi-weekly. Eddie was alone in his unemployment, but that was okay. He was smart, and efficient, and he would get a job sooner or later somewhere.

"When do you start?" He asked, finally bringing his rapidly-cooling drink up to his lips. He braced himself for a horrid taste, taking a slow, tentative sip, and almost letting a sound of approval slip past his lips. It didn't... It didn't taste horrible. Peppermint was okay, in his opinion, and it balanced out the bitterness of the coffee just right.

"Tuesday at 5:00," Stan took one last glance through the window, smiling serenely and turning to continue on to their new apartment. Again, the three fell into silence, calm and comfortable. They walked another three blocks before spotting their building, and Bill was the one to pull out an access card to scan at the door. Their bags were already up in their house, and Eddie had even made a few comments on how he appreciated the security. Electronic locks were unheard of to Eddie until today, and he was pleased. Now, he was too exhausted to be pleased. His coffee had him buzzing, and he would force himself to stay awake until his suitcase was unpacked, but he couldn't wait to curl up in his new bed, away from his hometown for the first time in years.

"We'll have to go grocery shopping tuh-tomorrow," Bill hummed half to himself as he stepped into the elevator, clicking the button labeled with a '2'. "We won't have any fuh-fuh-food. I'll buy us breakfast in the morning."

"Thanks, Bill," Stan smiles, "We can make a meal plan, budget things out. Just to make sure we can always make rent." Eddie nodded along, and took another long sip of the minty-bitter drink in his hand.

"We should go look at the campus. I want to find out where my classes are, maybe." Eddie found himself rocking back and forth on his heels, watching the little glowing number above the elevator buttons blink from 'G' to '1' to, at last, '2'. With a ding, the doors slid open, and a dim hallway was presented to them, the lights on low now that it was just about 10:00 pm.

"I want to go see Back Cove Park at some point. The bird watching is great. They have egrets sometimes, and other birds I haven't seen yet. I always go there when I visit- it's like tradition." Stifling a yawn (not because of the bird talk- Eddie was just tired) Eddie nodded his head. In all honesty, a nature walk sounded nice. Already, he was missing the Barrens, the poor dam he remembers building with Bill ages and ages ago. "It's right on the water, so we can go fishing too, or swimming if you guys wanted to. It isn't always as warm as it is tonight, and it's only getting colder, but..." Stan shrugs. They arrive at their apartment door, number 29, and yet again Bill is the one to pull out his key and stick it into the lock, giving it a twist and pushing the door wide open. Eddie steps inside first, flicking on the light and taking in the sight of his new apartment.

The door opened up into a short hallway. To his direct right there was a door leading to a small closet. A little ways ahead, the hallway broke both left and right, the left way leading to the kitchen and living room along with the doors to the balcony and Bill's room- in turn, the right way led to the main bathroom and the two other bedrooms reserved for Eddie and Stan.

"Wuh-well, I guess this is goodnight," Bill says, shutting the door behind him and kicking off his shoes, "We all have a l-lot of unpacking to do, I'm sh-sure." Both Stan and Eddie nod in near-perfect unison.

"Goodnight, you guys. Enjoy your first sleep in our new house." Stan speaks with a grin, staring at both Eddie and Bill with that intense hazel gaze that seems to communicate the intense reality of the situation. The three men had made it out of their childhood town, and now they were living on their own. They really weren't children anymore. Along with that look in Stan's eyes came a heavy feeling of bittersweetness- Derry was gone, now, and with it, Eddie's childhood. He smiled at his two best friends, and then turned down the hallway to greet his room.

-----

"Alright, that's everything," Ben says as the doors to the cafe swing shut and he locks them tight.

"Another job well done, boy! Another fantastic job, I'd say!" Richie throws one arm over Ben's shoulders, and then the other pulls in Bev by the arm. Crushing his two buddies in a double side-hug, he speaks in his almost-perfected MovieTone Newsreel Announcer Voice, disturbing the silence of the dark Portland streets, "You're both quite the caffeine-mixin' maestros, eh? You'll do great things for this world, great things!"

"Beep-beep, Richie. I'm exhausted." Beverly was smiling, sure, but Richie really could tell that she was done with today. He let both she and Ben go, toning down his behavior and pulling out a pack of cigarettes, offering one to each along with his lighter. Ben declined as politely as possible, so Richie and Bev were left to smoke without him.

"You'll get those beers for me, won't you?" Richie asks, taking a drag and relishing in the way the smoke filled his lungs. He should probably quit sooner or later, huh? Maybe one day. "I've got the cash back home. I'll give it to you and you can just go buy whatever you want. Party booze of your choice." Ben let out a chuckle, waving a hand in front of his face to show his dislike of the cigarette smoke. Richie mumbled something akin to an apology.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll get it. And don't worry about paying me back, I'll be drinking it too." Richie beamed. With a light punch to the shoulder, he turned his attention to Bev, ready to play a little bit of Cupid.

"You're coming too, right Bevvie?" He asked the question as if it were nothing, oh-so subtly bumping Ben with his elbow. Beverly shrugged.

"Probably. It's basically a sin to miss out on an infamous Tozier party, isn't it?" She placed the cigarette against her lips, and puffed out smoke right after. "What else is happening other than drinking too much and getting the Police called on us for being too loud?" Richie couldn't help but snicker at that. The Police had, on numerous occasions, been called on him for playing his music at ungodly levels, but, I mean, come on, he has fantastic taste and the world needs to know it.

"Who knows, maybe some pin the tail on the donkey? Musical chairs?" Ben and Beverly both let out a snort, the redhead spinning to face Richie with suddenly bright eyes.

"Please," She said with a wide, bright smile, "I would pay to see you get annihilated by Ben."

"Excuse me, Miss Marsh, but I pride myself on being a musical chairs master! I was unbeatable in my fifth grade class!" Placing a feign-offended hand on his chest, Richie guffawed, upturning his nose in mock disgust. Beverly was laughing now, a light and cheery sound almost like the jingling of the bell in the cafe but a little less annoying. The bell also didn't make Ben's face light up, and he didn't want to hear the bell forever.

"Probably because you were built like string cheese, Richie- No offense, of course." Beverly only laughed harder at Ben's quip, and yeah, Richie admits that it was pretty good and about 99% true.

"The best damn string cheese you've ever tasted, Haystack," Richie shot his friend a wink, lifting one foot and crushing his cigarette out on the sole of his shoe, "Now, my dearests, I must depart- nice work we did today, you two!" Richie flicked the butt away, speaking over his shoulder as he set off in the direction of home. "I'll see you both at my party!" He spins on his heel, waving Ben and Bev off with one last peace sign before continuing on into the darkness. Richie hummed a little tune to himself, a pep in his step despite his light tiredness. Oh, how he wanted to get home- the idea of cracking open a soda and sitting in front of the TV sounded pretty damn great right about now. For a Friday night the world was surprisingly quiet- the same wouldn't be said about tomorrow. Toziers were born to party. Richie's dad had thrown some ragers in his teenage days, and so had his mom- now, it was his turn to take on the family name and keep that legacy going. Other than beer he probably needed some snacks, chips or cookies or as Ben had so wonderfully suggested string cheese because who doesn't like string cheese? He made a mental note to go grocery shopping tomorrow and hoped that he didn't forget it.

Richie's apartment came into view, a pretty little six floor building made of a nice red brick. He lived on the top floor and his neighbors probably hated him for reasons that should be obvious enough but he'd yet to be kicked out which meant he still had some boundaries to push. He'd been brewing up a new party playlist for a few days now and he made yet another mental note to throw on 'Dancing Queen'. Richie's humming transformed into whistling as he pulled open the door to his building, waving to the late-night receptionist, a kind young lady who hated his guts and probably thought he was flirting with her all the time when he really didn't even swing that way.

"Good evening, m'lady," He said with a goofy, lopsided grin, earning a scowl over the top of a home-deco magazine, "Quite the swell night it is," He didn't linger long, pressing the call button for the elevator and stepping inside. He tapped '6' and waited, his spirits high, excited for tomorrow. He liked getting ready for parties. He liked the decorations he always put up, the arrangement of the snacks that he put too much thought into, and the anticipation of being the host because that always meant most eyes were on him. Up up up the elevator went, and let out a happy little ding as the doors peeled back open and he went right to his door. Richie pulled out his keys, jamming them into the doorknob and pushing the door open to reveal the space inside. "Honey, I'm home!" He called out the words, arms out at his side in a motion of grandeur. Of course, there was no response, and he kicked the door shut with his heel. Richie tossed his keys onto the little table by the door, toeing off each shoe in turn and leaving them discarded in the middle of the entryway.

"Hey there, babes," His first stop was the fish tank on the kitchen counter, packed with swimming little neon tetra and angelfish and Richie's prized bala shark he named Bella- creative, he knows- to sprinkle in some food. The little jar was just beside the aquarium, and he popped off the lid, shaking it above the open water and watching his little pals swim forth for their dinner. With his lasting grin, Richie let out a chuckle, his heart swelling at the sight of his aquatic children as he set the food back on the counter and took a step away. His own stomach let out a growl, and he realized for the first time that he hasn't eaten since after his last class, way back at 3:00. Popping open his fridge, Richie scanned it's contents- yep, he really needed to go get food tomorrow. There was next to nothing. He settled half-reluctantly on some month-old instant ramen and cooked it up with ease. Richie hadn't had instant ramen in ages, but there was a good amount of nostalgia contained within the simple dish. It had carried him through high school one plastic cup at a time, helping him fight through long nights of studying and even a nasty breakup.

The microwave let out three beeps, calling out 'Hey! I'm done, come eat me!' with each and every one. Richie ate it as he hastily cleaned up the kitchen, throwing dishes in the dishwasher and even taking the time to watch a casserole dish by hand, putting on his playlist but keeping the speakers on a low volume for the sake of his neighbors. No more than 15 minutes passed and then he was done, finally allowing himself to do what he's been anticipating all day. With a Pepsi in hand, he made the couch his home, curling up in a knitted blanket and tuning into 'Friends'. As he watched, one eye always on the TV, he snatched the black nail polish from it's spot on the coffee table and began to paint it over the chipped remnants of what was already there. At some point, after they'd dried, he ended up falling asleep on the sofa.

[not-your-damsel]

I Gotta Let it Out, Please Forgive Me Guys

I got a random message on Facebook messenger from my bestest friend from the tail end of middle school until onwards… or so I thought.

*Names have been changed for this… mess? I’m so sorry guys, I’m all over the place 😑 and this is kinda long so, head’s up

She was like a sister to me, we told each other any and everything. We wrote fan fics for *N’Sync before fan fics were even a goddamn thing, before there was a place to even post them! She made the life move from New Jersey to Pennsylvania bearable and then livable after having my whole life uprooted once again. My Mom and I always moved a lot when I was a child so I was always bouncing from school to school once I thought I was finally settled and was steadily making friends only to up and move again. That coupled with constantly having to go to the hospital because of my illness didn’t bode well for my learning abilities. I’m great at everything else now as an adult but don’t even come to me about math or I’ll spit on you, I don’t make the rules 🤷🏽‍♀️

However, once my Mom met my Sister’s father, our living situation somehow downgraded from living in a beautiful brownstone house to then living in a trailer in a trailer park. Please don’t take that as me shitting on trailer parks or folks who live in them. I just despise them because they immediately remind me of the verbal, mental abuse/gaslighting I endured when we lived there which continued into PA and the house we moved to there is all. My stomach churns when I pass by one as I immediately feel like I’m 10 again and about to be in trouble and grounded for the next tiniest thing he deemed wrong of me.

Anywho, we moved to PA when I was 12, my little sister having been born in NJ just before we left it to come here and I was livid. Leaving all my friends behind after finally having a taste of actually settling in and making friends and not moving away right after the fact only to pull the rug from under me and do it again. As an adult now, I get it. It’s safer here than where we’d been and the taxes rock, no tax on food or clothing or pharmaceuticals and also utilities for heat and shit and not to mention, a better school system.

And school is where I met my immediate bestie, around the second or third day being there, we had to swim for gym and since I didn’t know I had to sit out for the period where the other girls and I started talking about *N’Sync and she asked me who my face was, which was Lance and then she said hers was Justin Timberlake and that she fantasizes about him. Anyone who can tell me that right off the bat with the same energy as telling me what their favorite color or animal is has immediately won my friendship. Immediately.

That’s how we met, that’s how we rolled and we stayed joined at the hip throughout the rest of our school years together. We’d been through it all, crushes, familial loss, pet loss, watching mutual friends come and go or fuck each other over, and yet her and I remained as though we were born sisters. I never needed a whole entourage of people to call my friends. Whoever’s gonna hang with me, I love and appreciate and protect dearly and those who won’t that’s fine as well. But she was a constant in my life, we both were constantly in each other’s lives.

She provided an escape and safe haven away from my home when it got to be too suffocating to be within my own home because of my overbearing stepfather and I taught her how to appreciate and accept and play video games, specifically of the survival horror genre and we’d get together for a sleepover when a new release would come out and we wanted to get lost in stories and scream for dear life at perfectly crafted jump scares. She turned me on to being a drama kid since her and I were in chorus together being Soprano 1’s, and it turned out to be one of the most fun things I did in high school.

But time passes and we graduated. Sad as I was to be parting from everyone, we all began to scatter, coming together during breaks to party and catch up. After moved to Queens NY to be with my fiancé at the time and she was doing her own thing. Over time, life got in the way. There was no grand fight to speak of, no secretly harbored feelings of ill will or hatred, nothing of the sort. Which is why I’m left feeling so baffled over how what was meant to be a great reaching out and reconnecting moment ended up turning into me feeling angry, dejected and feeling as though maybe there were some things she never spoke to me about when she should’ve.

It started out great, happy to hear from her especially out of the blue since the times I tried to reach her would always fall through. We caught up with one another, as you do, and then the conversation turned from catching up to suddenly me being questioned about why I never contacted her. I explained everything that happened, how I tried several times apart from the yearly birthday wishes and such, and how I never got a reply back, that I assumed it meant she had a different phone number. How as the years passed more and more, my insecurities of no longer being wanted by her ran rampant and that maybe she had better people in her life. I apologized for that, seeing now that I was blinded by that insecurity and that was something for me to sort out. That and that life literally got in the way.

I told her everything as honest and truthful to the best of my ability because I’d never lie to her, never had and never would/will want to. I admitted to her that I’m definitely different from the last time she’s seen me and that I’m now utter shit with the phone. I personally think it’s a mix of my Major Depressive Disorder mixed with my anxiety that I prefer messaging over actually talking on the phone. But that’s not for my lack of trying to reach her over the years.

However, that wasn’t good enough for her though apparently. She kept pressing me and questioning if “I ignored her” because of scenario A, B or C. She said that. She literally said, “Did you ignore me because of…”. She started labeling despite me telling her what happened, putting words in my mouth. It got to the point that I was just repeating myself over and over because she kept interrogating me on the issue, bringing up weak reasons as though she just knew that was the “reason I dipped and left her in the wind” when meanwhile, when you look at which of us two was the last to try to contact the other through Facebook messenger, it shows it as me and before that all my attempts to reach her through something I knew she’d see my shit to her through and yet I was never answered.

I ended up saying to her, “Look, I don’t know what it is you’re wanting me to say here. I feel like you’re trying to get me to admit to something to please you but I’m not gonna do that because if I did, then I’d be lying to you and I’m not here for that. I told you everything on my end here, what has happened and that’s exactly what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t secretly hate you, I could never hate you. It wasn’t your fault about what happened with my ex and I at your party, I’ve never held you responsible for his cheating actions. He cheated on me with Stan, not you, so don’t think that has anything to do with you when you stuck up for me when we all found out the next morning. Please stop fishing for a conflict that’s not there.”

I don’t hear from her after a long while and I explicitly tell her that I want to talk about this more the next day because this isn’t right and I want to clear up whatever it is that she thinks is wrong, that I love her and to have a good night as it’s past 2am at that point. She proceeds to bring up past scenarios hours later while I’m well asleep and she knows this, guilt tripping me about how she was there for me whenever I needed to be in the hospital but that maybe I had forgotten what it meant to be best friends with her and she then blocks me on all socials knowing I can’t even fight for myself because I’m asleep. All socials save for one and that’s Insta.

I call her out on that shady bullshit and tell her that it’s absolutely unfair that I sat there and I was being an adult and admitting to my mistakes and apologizing for them only for her to push all the blame on me for not contacting her which we established that I had many times and not been acknowledged. I said, “The phone works 2 ways, Sadie, 2 ways. Do not sit there and act like you’re not to blame as well, especially when I’m here admitting fault and apologizing for it and you haven’t even bothered to claim some of that faulted responsibility. That’s fucked because if it were me having come to you, yet again, and this time you answered, I would’ve taken my part of the blame and admitted to my faults here as well, I wouldn’t’ve piled it all on you the way you did to me. I was honest with you and it seems that’s not what mattered to you, what mattered to you was putting untruths into my mouth to fit your narrative that “I hate you”, “that you never mattered to me” and so on. Again, not cool. Will it hurt to lose you? Absolutely, it’ll kill me to lose you permanently, but not at the expense of a lie you want so badly to be true.”

Not only that, but several times throughout this conversation, she would bring up something factual that happened, that she knew happened, only to turn around and say something snarky like, “I wouldn’t know what happened or I wouldn’t know about that because you never told me about it.” I sat there for a good moment afterwards, seriously questioning if she was drunk or high or a combo of the two and just crossfaded because it made no damned sense!!!

I’m not gonna lie, I’m truly hurt by all this. I cried happy tears when we first started talking because it had been so long, and then by the end of it, I was left baffled, hurt, confused, and feeling like I didn’t even know this person anymore and crying in a panic that this was all actually happening. That I somehow unknowingly became a villain to my own best friend, my sister. It still feels unreal, the whole thing was so all over the place, it gave me whiplash. I don’t know what to do and I apologize for putting a portion of me and my troubles on here, I just needed a safe space to vent and let loose because I’m warring with myself of if this is even still worth it with her because this feels so… icky. Like in my gut I can feel that this isn’t the same person I once knew and I’m only gonna find more upset, hurts and disappointment and that feeling causes even more hurt.

Idk guys, I’m tired and worn out. I cried a lot so that’s gonna and made me even more tired only with puffy, splotchy pinky/red rings around my eyes that now are sensitive to the touch from wiping them so much. But thank you for letting me do what I felt I needed to do and just let this mess out. I know it’s all over the place but I can’t even bring myself to fix anything if there’s errors and shit. Love y’all.

[jellyfishinc]

Good Morning Everyone

Before I begin, I just want it on the record: I am a 26 year old middle class white girl who is only talking about the movies mentioned from a moviegoer’s perspective, and is not in any way shape or form trying to suggest she knows anything except her personal opinion.

Since by now Disney Pixar’s Soul has dropped on Disney+, and judging by the reactions I’ve been seeing, that no doubt that means we’re all worried about how well it’s going to do overall with the general public, and are no doubt worried in the long run it’s going to be labeled as another flop.

But I what I really want you folks to remember is that some of the best films were also initially labeled as cinematic flops, or as doing mediocre at the Box Office, and all it took for them to be respected as such was that same thing we’re all wishing we had more of: Time.

Example 1: The Nightmare Before Christmas

To date, there’s still debate on whether it’s a Christmas movie, Halloween movie, or both, despite the director’s official statement on it. Tim still gets fan mail thanking him for making it, claiming it saved their lives.

If you haven’t already, I suggest you go watch the episode about it from The Holiday Movies that Made Us, so you can get a good look at all the time and effort that went into making this movie into what it is.

Even with all the initial lukewarm reception, it’s a classic film that still holds up, even after all this time, and it was made by misfits, for misfits.

Example 2: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty remake

A lot of people legitimately forget that this movie even exists, but I have noticed that once they’ve actually tracked it down and given it a fair shot, a popular reaction I’ve seen is, “Why didn’t this do so well if it’s so great?”

And I have to say, after seeing it myself, I have to agree. It has a message that I know for a fact that many can relate to, especially if you’re like me and are still at a stage in your life where there’s so much you want to do with your life.

I have no doubt that given even more time, this movie will come to be given the respect it deserves.

Example 3: Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Note: In case it’s not obvious already, I do have a bit of a soft spot for Tim Burton films, but that doesn’t make what I’m saying about them any less important.

I won’t go as far as to say that it was necessarily a flop, but I do know for a fact that it was heavily criticized by people who had already made up their minds to hate it because the original film had already been around for a long time.

And for those that may come across this post: I respect your opinion, and I won’t waste your time listing all the complaints people had about this film, but I want to at least touch on a few that stand out, because because I feel like there’s some of you out there that are judging it too harshly because you don’t know the full extent of everything that happened with both films.

The first one: Roald Dahl hated the original film, so much so, that the planned sequel that would’ve followed Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, was promptly dropped. It’s because of that that after he’d passed, his widow flat out refused to let anyone else touch the story again.

And that didn’t change when she was approached by Tim Burton about it, either. But because it’s Tim, he clearly knew how skeptical she would be because of it, so he was very respectful and showed her some of the concept art he had drawn up for the film.

Her reaction? She LOVED it. In particular, the design for the Bucket house. If any of you wondered why it looked so crooked and funny, there’s actually a reason for it. Tim had it specifically designed after Roald Dahl’s famous writing shed. And it was that that convinced her the story would be in good hands, and she gave him her blessing to make the film.

Number two: Johnny Depp’s Wonka Portrayal

Many have criticized his portrayal as being too weird and a far cry from Gene Wilder’s portrayal, which for many believe is what ruined the remake.

For the record: I used to agree with you, until I saw a very in-depth analysis that managed to show me what I had missed initially.

Essentially what it said was that it’s actually a more accurate idea of what would happen to a person who willingly shuts himself away from the outside world, with only his workers for company.

And I am absolutely not to make light of where America is right now, but consider: we all make jokes about how we’re all going to be an antisocial wreck when we’re finally allowed to resume like normal, having not seen hardly anyone in person in weeks, maybe even months at a time.

Now imagine instead the pandemic lasts for years, from when he had to let everyone at the factory go, all the way to when he finally decided to reopen to a select few. What do you think a person who goes through something like that would look like?

Like it’s shown in the film. And on top of it, he’s also portrayed as someone who suffers from flashbacks of traumatizing moments in his life, and while I personally don’t suffer from them, according to those that do, it’s a very accurate portrayal.

There's also a whole analysis I did about how this Wonka has undiagnosed autism, but I'll be nice and just say a lot of his personality suggests it.

But like with the other listed films, more and more people have been revisiting this film with this new knowledge and found it’s value.

But please don’t take this as me bashing the original, because that’s not what I’m trying to do. If you still like the original even after knowing all this, that’s fine. You’re more than welcome to say so. All I want to do is share the truth.

Example 4: How the Grinch Stole Christmas, live action adaptation

I've seen everyone including the Nostalgia Critic have nothing but disdain for this film, and it seems to me that it's largely because of the same problem Charlie and the chocolate factory did: they thought the original was better.

What I have to say about it is they both have equal value, and to me still have the same message, even if the live action remake came at it from a different angle.

In the original cartoon, the Grinch just hated Christmas and that was that. The Whos loved Christmas, and that was that. Even when she Grinch stole everything, the Whos were still happy. And it's my firm opinion it was just a reflection on the time period it was made, in that Christmas was just a holiday to celebrate with family and friends.

In comparison, the live action remake was more of a reflection of how Christmas was already rapidly changing into the commercialized holiday we have now. And in that regard, it's incredibly clever to set up the film like this, because, again, with time, we start to sympathize with the Grinch more, because most of what he says about how people treat Christmas is true.

Some were okay with him hating Christmas just for the sake of hating it, but if you can invent a backstory that's not only plausible, but relatable, then I'm all for it.

So now that I’ve taken up about 5 minutes you’ll never get back, what does this all mean for Soul?

Only that even if it does flop, it will be in good company, because flopping has proven to be a rite of passage for many of the great films, and given enough time, it will get the respect and recognition it deserves.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk :)

[mabel-shmabel]

Bridgerton: Classic or Trash?

A literary novel being branded as a ‘classic’ is a rare and, I would imagine, honouring feat. To be a classic, a novel has to be unique and creative, it has to say something meaningful about the state of society, it has to be...

entirely unlike Julia Quinn’s Bridgerton: The Duke and I. I’m sorry, Bridgerton fans, but this novel just really didn’t do it for me. Was it the portrayal of female pleasure in the bedroom? No! Was it the unashamedly steamy sex scenes that were clearly aimed towards indulging a female audience? Of course not! Was it everything else?...Maybe. 

Despite the recent surge in women realising that “you’re not like other girls” is not a compliment, Daphne ‘I’m-not-like-other-girls’ Bridgerton seems to have captured a number of hearts. In one of the first pages of the novel, we’re conveniently informed of Daphne being told, ‘you’re just not like regular females. You’re positively normal’. 

Yeesh, it’s one thing to position your protagonist as interesting and desirable – it’s another thing to simultaneously insult every other female character that exists. But the predictable tropes don’t end there! Simon ‘I’m-constantly-threatening-to-kill-peole-including-my-love-interest’ Hastings is your typical bad boy who can only be cured by the innocent and naïve Girl Next Door. ‘Women positively shivered’ at the mere sight of him, because a point must be made about his shockingly good looks, and that point apparently can’t be made without the generalisation that all women are lustful beings awaiting nothing more than a good-looking man. 

Quinn’s novel is full of tropes that I’m sure we’ve all read before in many, many FanFictions – the fake dating AU, the oops-there’s-only-one-bed AU, and best of all, the sex-is-a-magical-and-never-painful-experience AU, where men can simply use ‘one powerful thrust’ to enter a virgin woman’s body and, what do you know, it didn’t even hurt her! As a side note, who are these potentially dangerous unrealistic portrayals of sex really helping, anyway?

I believe it is because of all these reused and predictable tropes that Quinn’s novel has repeatedly been labelled ‘shallow’ and ‘vapid’, with Aja Romano even calling it a ‘historical Gossip Girl, with even less depth’. Ooft.

Now, I’m not saying the book is all bad. Its drama can be noteworthily page-turning, but a classic novel must contain more than that. To be labelled the modern Jane Austen for a novel that contains little more than already-seen tropes and cliché character archetypes? Sorry again, Bridgerton fans, but I can’t imagine myself ever placing this book into the same category as works like Pride and Prejudice – this one is heading for the trash pile. 

References

1. Romano, J (2020) ‘Netflix’s New Regency Drama Bridgerton is as Shallow as the Aristocrats it Skewers’, Vox, accessed 20 September 2020.

2. Quinn, J (2000) Bridgerton: The Duke and I, Harper Collins Publishers, NY.  

[bakubabes-tatakae]

Melting My Heart (Part Four)

Author’s Note: If anyone wants to be added to the tag list for this let me know. Happy to do it for anyone!

(Katsuki Bakugou x Reader)

Summary: The fireball with the attitude has one weakness, Y/N. When she’s the only thing that can break through his cold appearance around the other students, he starts to learn that being the best… isn’t the only thing out there.

AO3 Link

Part One, Part Two, Part Three

Part Four:

Word Count: 2373

We stared at the building surrounding us. The freedom that UA was going to give us to fight these robots was absolutely crazy. I had never seen anything like this. Our training area looked exactly like a real city. Skyscrapers loomed over us and stores lined the streets, even fake civilians were shown to look like they were walking around below the chaos that was about to ensue. Katsuki had the biggest smile on his face, a smile of determination. I put my hand on his arm and he placed his hand over mine. “Are you ready for this my queen?” 

The look of determination on Katsuki’s face got me fired up. I reached around my neck at the small scarf that sat there. Eraserhead had made me a scarf, hoping that people would realize I was his daughter if I added it to my hero costume. Time to put this baby to use, he had made sure to tell me it would help me get around quicker. We had spent days with him training me on how to use it to fly around the city. “Let’s do this. We’ll be the top students in this battle center.”

A loudspeaker somewhere around us sounded. “3...2...1...GO!” 

Katsuki held his hands out at his side and used his nitroglycerin to propel himself forward. I swung my scarf at the things around me, gliding through the city with ease. Robots were starting to be visible below us. Katsuki looked over at me. “You take them out from below and I’ll come from above.”

I spied some rubble sitting below and nodded. I dropped to the ground, face to face with four robots. They were a little daunting, but I had to keep my cool. I focused my energy on my hand, black circles forming around them. After focusing my energy on my hands I threw my energy toward the rubble, picking it up off the ground, and swinging it into the robots in front of me, sweeping them off their feet. The smell of caramel grew stronger the closer that Katsuki got to the ground, a smug look on his face as he came down at the robots, explosions ready in both of his hands. As he hit the two below him clouds of black smoke erupted around us. I used it as an opportunity to take out the other two around us. I used some of the rubble from the robots Katsuki had just destroyed and threw them at the robots, pinning them to the wall and crushing their circuit boards. 

“Let’s find more. This is getting fun.” Katsuki propelled himself in the other direction, expecting me to follow. 

Ten minutes flew by faster than we thought it would. Loudspeakers spoke Present Mic’s voice. “One minute remaining rockin boys and girls, get those points while you still can.”

Katsuki and I landed on the roof of a building and regrouped. “What are you at for points Y/N?”

“I think I’m at 68, what are you at?” I leaned against the wall of the small entrance that came up from the building. 

“I’ve got to be at at least 75, we’ve got this in the bag.” He smiled. 

“Thirty seconds remaining kiddos.” Present Mic was now screaming through the speakers. 

“I’ve got thirty seconds to get more points. You coming? I spotted two below.”

I put my hand up, I was out of breath. “Take them Kacchan, they’re all yours.”

He didn’t hesitate. He jumped down from the building and I ran to the side, staring over the edge at him. His motivation was intoxicating. I smiled as I watched the two robots below explode at the same time Present Mic came through the speakers telling us to stop. I flung my scarf to the light post below and jumped down, landing next to Katsuki. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close. “We did amazing. We’re gonna be the power couple of UA High baby. Nothing can stop us.”

I grinned at the thought. “Let’s make them all jealous Kacchan.” I put my fist in the air the same way that All Might does after his fights.

Katsuki grabbed my waist and tilted my backwards, locking lips with me in a shamelessly hearty kiss. Katsuki had never been one for PDA, but clearly he was fired up. This boy… What else could he do to surprise me?

* * * * * * 

We had a week to wait. An entire week of Katsuki being completely impatient when it came to finding out the results of the entrance exam. Trying to keep him calm was nearly impossible. His parents and I had our hands full the entire week. When the mail finally came we were all so grateful. 

Katsuki and I came back from our walk to try and get him out of the house and not going stir crazy to see two formal envelopes sitting on the kitchen table. Katsuki ran as fast as he could to the table. Mitsuki, his mother, stood at the other end of the table, waiting for us. Katsuki picked them up and handed me mine. “Here, let’s open them together.”

I smiled at him, but I think this was something I should be doing with my father. He had been the one who helped me the most when it came to preparing for the entrance exam. “I think I’m gonna go to my dad’s and open it there. I think he would like that.”

Katsuki kissed my forehead and gave me an approving grin. “Go see him. I’m sure he’ll be excited.”

* * * * * *

I knocked on the door of the small one bedroom apartment that my father was renting. His tired eyes greeted mine as he opened the door. He looked surprised to see me and put his hand behind his head, scratching. “Hey Y/N, what’s up?” He laughed nervously. “I didn’t expect you to be stopping by.”

I held up my envelope from UA. “I got this in the mail today and I wanted to open it with you.”

He grabbed my arm and pulled me into the apartment. “Let’s open this baby!”

I laughed and ran to his couch. He sat down beside me and I leaned back on him, letting him wrap an arm around me, kissing the side of my head. The closeness of having a parental figure that actually cared about me was something I would never get used to, but being in my father’s arms made me feel safe. I ripped open the envelope and took the paper out along with the disc that accompanied it. 

Aiawa grabbed the disc from me. “We can watch this later, it’s just a thing with a message from a hero saying whether you passed or failed. Open the letter, then we can watch the video.”

I took a deep breath before opening the letter. As I read I could feel Aizawa getting anxious behind me. I started to read it outloud. “Dear Y/N Aizawa, I’m pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to UA High School beginning with the incoming semester. We are excited to hear back from you on whether or not you will be joining us. We hope to hear from you soon.” I was now squirming in my seat. 

“Let’s get this video started then. I wonder who they had do your video.” Aizawa stood up to set up his DVD player. Once it was on he placed the DVD in the slot and pressed play. I sat up and resituated myself, anxious to see what hero was going to be in my acceptance video. A name flashed at the bottom of the screen and when I looked farther up the TV I realized who was on the screen in front of me. Eraserhead. 

I looked from the TV to my father, who smiled at me anxiously. He started to speak. “Y/N, congratulations on getting into UA High. I couldn’t be more proud of you. I can’t apologize enough for not being around when you were a kid, and I had to pull some strings for them to let me make your acceptance video, but I wanted it to be memorable for you. I’m so proud of you, you’ve grown into an amazing woman, and you’re only growing more and more amazing every day since we met.” I could see a tear run down his face in the video and I began to get choked up, trying to hold my own back. “I can’t wait to see how far you’ll come in the future, and if anyone tries to mess with you at UA just come to me, I never told you I’m an instructor here, but I’ve been one here for a long time. Who knows? Maybe when I get my class list for the coming semester you’ll be on it. I’m blabbering now.” I chuckled, I could feel the tears involuntarily coming down my face so I wiped them away. “I’ll leave you with this…” He cleared his throat. “You’re going to do great. I wouldn’t be surprised if you far surpassed me in the hero ranks, and if you do, I’ll be your number one fan. Keep up the good work baby, always believe in yourself and never let others get you down. Welcome to UA High.”

The video cut off and I could feel the tears coming down faster. I looked up at Aizawa who was still smiling at me. I stood up slowly and he walked closer to me. I buried my face into his chest. In all the time I had lived with my mother she had always told me that my father was a deadbeat… that my father had never wanted to know me… that he was no good. Everything she had told me was completely wrong. Sometimes I wondered if she was really talking about herself. 

* * * * * * 

The first day of school came before we knew it. Walking up to the steps of the school again was something I had never imagined, knowing that this time we were students. Katsuki had his arm around my shoulders, keeping me close to him, still on a kick of us being the power couple at UA High. As we walked up the steps and down the hall a small way we saw the door that was labeled for our class; 1-A. 

As we stepped in we were some of the first people. There were only two other people in the room as we made our way in. They both looked up at us, neither saying anything, and then back down at their desks. One of them was a taller boy with blue hair and glasses, I almost immediately recognized him, he was the boy from the entrance exam who had spoken to Izuku and I. The other was a boy only a little shorter than the first with red and white hair, each color only covering half of his head, and a scar on the left side of his face around his eye. 

Katsuki sat and I chose the seat behind him and as we waited more and more students came pouring in. As the class began to fill up students began to get rowdy. Katsuki put his feet up on the desk and the boy from the entrance exam walked up to us. “Take your feet off of that desk now.”

Katsuki was clearly not in the mood for someone to be bossing him around. He looked up at the boy and tried to play stupid. “Huh?”

I facepalmed and sighed. Here we go already, we’re going to have so many friends…

“It’s only the first day and you’re already disrespecting this academy by scuffing school property you cretin.”

“You’re kidding me right?” He leaned forward. “Your old school put a stick up your ass or were you born with it?”

“Kacchan…” I sighed again. “Stop it.”

The boy was flabbergasted, but stopped and calmed himself down, holding out a hand for Katsuki. “Let’s start over. I’m Tenya Iida from Somei Private Academy.”

He taunted him more. “Somei, huh? So you must think you’re better than me. I’m gonna have fun tearing you a new one.”

Iida gasped at him and took his hand back. “You would threaten me? Your own classmate… Are you sure you’re in the right place?”

I interrupted before Katsuki could speak again. “Sorry about him. He’s a pain in the ass, trust me.” I held my hand out for him. “I’m Y/N Aizawa,” I looked over at Katsuki. “And this jerk here is Katsuki Bakugou.”

Suddenly both Katsuki and Iida’s attention went to the door. The small boy with green hair was standing in it. Izuku Midoriya. Iida left us and walked to Deku. 

Katsuki stared dagger eyes at me. “Do you always have to do that?”

“Do you always have to be a jackass?” I huffed back at him. 

Suddenly a voice spoke from on the floor in a sleeping bag outside the door. I recognized the voice immediately. “If you’re just here to make friends then you can pack up your stuff now.” My father was scaring the people in the doorway. “Welcome to UA’s hero course.” He stood up while still in the sleeping bag and unzipped it, unwrapping himself from it. “It took you all eight seconds to shut up, that’s not gonna work.”

I hid my face, how embarrassing was that?

“Time is precious, rational students would understand that.” He looked into the classroom at all of us and Katsuki and I looked away, a little embarrassed that we knew him. “Hello, I’m Shouta Aizawa… Your teacher.”

Everyone that had heard me introduce myself to Iida turned to look at me. There was nowhere that I could hide at this point. 

He held up a track suit and looked at all of us. “Let’s get to it, everyone grab one of these and meet me outside.” He looked toward me and tossed it to me. “This one’s for you Y/N.”

As if that didn’t solidify it enough they all watched me more. I was definitely about to be known as the teacher’s daughter. 

Taglist 💕 @wwwwyamd​

Part Five, Part Six

Updated: 5/8/2020

[goddessgangsta]

Hi everyone, totally new to this site. It’s been about 7 weeks of pure hell, definitely not the path I wanted to go down and I remained stubborn fighting against what is instead of accepting that life sneaks up on you sometimes and flips everything upside down leaving you in a state of utter confusion, denial and resistance. I thought I knew what pain was until now, the intensity was unbearable and quite honestly I am surprised I am alive today. My years of practicing a spiritual lifestyle and my guardian angel, my mother, there remained that insistent encouraging voice telling me one more day, just one more day and I would finally understand why my entire life was in shambles. I felt that I was led to the right books I needed to read, the right podcasts to listen to, the perfect meditations that always seemed to be exactly what I needed each day etc...Without realizing it, everything was leading me one step closer to clarity and as I began to let go of resistance and accept what is I saw the first glimpse of light after being in total darkness for so long determined that I was lost forever. I opened myself up to complete guidance and a strong belief that although this definitely was not the journey that I would have chose, it was the journey meant for me and that everything is exactly how it should be. Each day with devotion, I focused on self care, personal development and one question, “What is my purpose?”. I have searched for so long for the answer to that question for years without success. Today with confidence, strength and conviction, my purpose in life is finally very loud and clear! The answer has been there all along but I wasn’t listening. My name is Laurie and I have struggled with mental illness practically my whole life and as I got older I struggled with addiction as well. My mother fought for me and my right to be treated with equality, kindness and compassion and she was a force to be reckoned with. The stigma of mental illness is difficult enough but then add addiction and it practically erases the fact that you are a human being and I have been mistreated and judged by many in the health care system and with social development as well, if only they knew before hand the wrath of mother that was about to descend on them I’m sure they would of reconsidered judgement for perhaps just silence lol. I have 3 children and my middle child Mattea has identified as transgender. I have been her number 1 fan to the point everyone was telling me to ease up on the rainbows lol! My whole house is practically a rainbow and she has a good selection of clothing and footwear for LGBTQ. Unfortunately I am not there anymore to help her on her journey through transition due to the custody battle that my ex has started. Because there is no legal custody agreement, he was able to take both kids, Mattea and my son Benjamin and not bring them back on December 18, 2020. He denied all access and communication with the children and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. After about 3 weeks of isolation and total devastation I refused to take no for an answer and went to his home. After so many conversations telling me that the children wanted nothing to do with me, it was so wonderful to see them both so excited to see me and I could hold them and I spent 2 hours there just soaking them in. Then things only got worse from there. First my son could no longer look at me and wouldn’t talk just mumble and shrug his shoulders and didn’t want to spend time with me. Mattea went from wanting to come home and spend nights and spend time together to eventually answering everything with mabey. She no longer wanted to hang out or come over and when I went there to see them they basically ignored me. After numerous calls to child protection they finally got involved with Steven being the non offending parent and I was labeled the offending parent. I no longer have communication with them, I have joined a support group for survivors of a narcissist, and for parental alienation . More to come, to be continued!