#i don't do that but its a valid strategy

[tomswifty-fr]

i hope we get the skin revamp in the new year

[mommytimmy]

what do you mean people can make posts on the internet without knowing anything about what they're talking about? 🤯

[lucabyte]

thinking about the very specific reading of isat i had during act 3 for the most part

anyway yeah ill ramble here about this. since it actually explains my headcanons for what the disappearing island wish was

disclaimer: taken as a whole this is way too allegorical for what i'd consider a holistic reading of isat, but it was part of my running theories at the time.

anyway my guess for the real-world equivalent of the island ended up being French Polynesia by the end of the game. I had initially thrown a dart at siffrin being greek wrt europe, sisyphus allusion, enjoyment of plays and seafairing-- but the moment that little guy started getting real weird about stars and specified they were from an island i switched my guess to him being polynesian. And then that reading only really strengthened from there (and i was pretty close, tbf!)

but yeah during act 3, especially the king plotline, i started thinking about the themes of cultural erasure + lack of identity that the game has and how that plays wrt vaugarde's extremely welcoming and diverse nature.

reading far too much into it but it made me wonder if they are the results of a fallen empire of some kind. somewhere that gathered people from across the globe (as empires are known to do) before dissolving into what seems to be a localised theocracy of some kind?

like. vaugarde is basically the Good End for an empire. Fully demilitarised (they barely have use for police to the point where the defenders are surprised by burglaries, and almost CERTAINLY have zero army), extremely diverse, not caring where one comes from.

(either that or they've been a socialist utopia like, forever? and thus just aquired migrants perpetually... but ka bue is characterised as harsher by odile in a lot of respects so one can assume its not that the whole planet is Niceys All The Time.)

this lines up pretty well with the um. Whole France Thing. Boy do they own a lot of islands still that they maybe shouldn't. Also lines up with bonnie's word-of-god french creole dialect. So Vaugarde as the welcoming, ideal form of former-colonialiser-nation is like. one i vibe with if we're gonna read too hard into the worldbuilding as presented.

Anyway all this to say I did for a time wonder if the Northern Island wish was 'For The Island To Be Safe'. Assuming this world to have any level of inter-country conflict-- Wish craft is powerful stuff, and a singular island might not be able to defend itself against those seeking to take it by force. Hiding the island from the world would protect it.

... though that felt like an unusually cruel read. The implication that cloistering away like that is a 'valid' strategy for a culture to be safe (albeit with the splash damage of hurting any diaspora).

Plus, wish craft is superbly powerful, with evidently its use on the island only becoming more widespread after it was discovered how to make it work Consistently.

(i work here under the assumption that Siffrin's growing cloak is imbued with wish craft, assumedly the same as the king's armour? Since there's no way that was created at that scale...)

So it almost makes more sense, to me, for the wish to be to 'Protect The World (universe) From Us' or to 'Keep The Universe Safe'.

Wish craft being so second nature to the Islanders (See: Siffrin, favour tree), that a wish that breaks the universe is almost inevitable were the knowledge to become widespread and ingrained.

This too is an oddly cruel read, that a culture's rituals can be dangerous to that degree, but ... ? Dunno. Like I said, reading it as hard allegory makes it fall apart somewhat. Symbols can mean many different things at once until you flatten them for direct analysis like this. I don't think it's quite so 1-to-1, and it's honestly slightly too 'no story only lore' for my tastes, so I did push a lot of this stuff out of my analytical mind once I started getting to the back and of act 3 and into act 4.

Anyway. Not the most coherent explanation in the world, but still some thoughts I had mid-game that i figure i should put somewhere at least, even if I don't think they are really what the game is going for.

As a bonus, the discussions on what the island wish were in this context also lead my friend @samhainian to speculation on the colour wish that i really enjoy. Which is....

The wish that removed colour from humans perception of the world being something along the lines of:

"I wish the world was simpler"

ergo, removing colour as an invocation of Nuiance VS Black and White Morality. The world is simpler, easier to understand.

I think it's a fun headcanon! I like it.

Well anyway. A work is more than the sum of its parts and dissecting something so sloppily as this often does it a disservice. So don't take my theorising as anything more than a general rundown of where my head was at mid-game before i had all the pieces. The emotional core of the story is far more where it's at for ISAT sooooo. [Shrugs and scampers away]

[elkian]

Exit Strategy has so many gems that it's easy to miss some of the more subtle ones. Today I'm fixating on the video that our protagonist sent to Gurathin when he asked what it's been up to.

Specifically, the title of the video.

"Murderbot Impersonates An Augmented Human Security Consultant"

Murderbot. It calls itself Murderbot, a name it has never told anyone before. A name Gurathin took from its memories in one of their last meetings, and while it seems more, like, annoyed than traumatized by this, it still is a pretty rude thing to do, let alone share without permission like he does. (He does have valid reason to be concerned at the time, but still.)

What does it mean for Murderbot to call itself Murderbot in a file made to answer the question of the human who found out it's called Murderbot? Remember, this isn't something it had lying around - it edited together video on the spot to answer his question.

Every time I reread ES, I find my own underlining of that title and ask this question again, and then forget it.

It becomes slightly laxer (again not entirely willfully) with the name in Network Effect, but Murderbot's name is usually private information that it doesn't choose to share (later in ES it does choose to reassure Mensah that it is who it says it is, which, again. Just. Imagine being in the position where a technically-killer construct reassures you that it calls itself Murderbot. What a time).

It could be a sort of subtle dig, that it doesn't need to hide this info because Gurathin already has it. It could be an unconscious act of, if not trust, then neutrality, that it doesn't need to hide this info because, again, Gurathin already has it. It could be a reminder, a comedic juxtaposition with the rest of the title and contents of the video. Hell, it could be Murderbot's idea of an in-joke at this point. I just don't know. But when I think of this passage, I think of the part soon after, where Murderbot grudgingly appreciates Gurathin giving the hostage negotiator such a cold shoulder that even it's impressed. I think of it interrupting Gurathin viewing the recording because the rep has arrived. I think of Gurathin, wrist-deep in manual controls (and hey, when they discussed the humans' luggage, Gurathin's mention was his specialized toolkit).

I don't know. There's a lot there. Gurathin is, ever more obvious on each reread, just Murderbot: Human Edition, and Murderbot absolutely refuses to acknowledge this in any form, and it will still take care of him.

[harmonysanreads]

What do you think about Yan! Focalors?

I saw this ask a while back but I decided to first see Furina's personality in-game before answering and mmmm, definitely possible. Though if I ever do include her in any of my writings, I'll be keeping it platonic :>

Furina's life source is the spotlight, she thrives in the very epicenter of attention. At the same time, she seems to have a distinct need for external validation. Her extravagant manner of speech is both her weapon and her shield. If you wish to catch her attention and keep it fixated upon you until a solid foundation of affection can be formed ; you'd need to be a bit of an anomaly. Someone who's a challenge, someone who's not swayed by her provocations and someone who can see through her bravado. What would really change the trajectory of your relationship is, if you'd share a vulnerable moment with her, as as it is seen she prefers to keep her troubles and insecurities to herself.

Furina knows when she likes someone or something enough to make a move, so her initial strategy is to put all sorts of grandiose shows that flaunt her own admirable qualities. There's another reason she chooses this method, that is the pressure that comes from the public and which she hopes would push you to accept her proposals. When that doesn't work and gossip of the Hydro Archon getting rejected spreads like wildfire, Furina is embarrassed. But ever the stubborn one, she employs strategies after strategies to gain your attention and praise (she phrases it as you getting hers instead because of course) and even the tiniest quantity of it has her squealing at the quiet confines of her bedroom.

I think she's one of those characters who get hit by a whole existential crisis the moment they realize they've actually caught feelings for someone. It becomes blatantly clear to bystanders as well, she fumbles with her words, twiddles her thumbs and reacts strongly with matters that concern you. Definitely throws a tantrum if you don't notice the new bow she wore. At the same time, she does thorough research on you from the time you get up for bed to who your first ancestor was. She makes sure to learn about your interests and hobbies and might even start doing them herself to better bond with you. She'd consider those all-nighters worth it if she manages to get even an impressed look from you.

As her affections grow in intensity, she starts expressing her jealousy. She cannot stand you being all buddy-buddy with someone who's obviously lesser than her, she's the better choice! Can't you see?! Thankfully, getting pesky pedestrians out of the picture is easy in Fontaine — given that you know how to use its laws against your enemies. One thing is for certain though, because of the influx of these new and intense emotions, Furina is rather unstable. She'd never physically hurt you (that's just not her thing) but she does take a lot of impulsive decisions that effect the surroundings.

If push comes to shove and you still refuse to reciprocate her love despite all that she's done, her final weapon is the courtroom. Remember? Getting anyone out of the picture is easy if you know your way around the laws of Fontaine and really, who'd look for you at the Hydro Archon's palace if they believed you to be sentenced to lifelong prison?

[ratboyy-withtheexistentialdread]

Nevermore Chapter 97

Spoilers ahead, lads. Skedaddle if you don't fast pass. EDIT I guess I’ve said too much in this post and need to pull it back a little. So imma gonna edit it so it doesn’t say too much about this chapter.

Alright, first my reaction cause HOLY HELL those last few panels really got me like

I really had to put my phone down and talk myself through them. Now, lets talk about what I gained from this chapter and the infamous Annabel Lee. I've noticed, at least in the comment section, the fandom really doesn't care for Annabel's character and its difficult to know where the animosity has come from. Tumblr obviously loves her but us heathens support women's rights and wrongs (Don't we gents?) Many call her a sociopath or what’s happens in the last few panels. Annabel is indeed ruthless, calculating and stone cold but she obviously cares. She cares for Lenore above everything. It can be easy to see this as obsession as we really haven't seen her care about much else or even herself. But one comment on the Webtoon brought up a very valid point which I've also picked up on.

Annabel and Lenore in life were very isolated and broken people when they met one another. Annabel, broken and then rebuilt into a prim and proper lady. Lenore, broken physically and mentally and closed off from the world.

Meeting each other saved them. They were no longer alone. There was an understanding between them at least that we know of.

Their differences though is what divides them in death.

Annabel played games, and masked her true self around her father and family connections. She now makes games of situations to retain what little control she had in life over a society she knew she could never break the rules of. A Game that was always rigged against her.

Lenore rebelled against society. She fled the estate to escape a suitor, was bound to the attic and ostracized by her family, she then faked her death and posed as man to court Annabel, the one person who cared for her.

Lenore wants to break the rules of the deans Death Game. Annabel wants to follow them.

It’s all they’ve ever known.

Before it was only them that mattered. Now Lenore has so much more to fight for and Annabel still only has Lenore. Both are right in their own way of playing the game but it pains the other to witness.

Annabel, I’m sure is aware that the Deans are not all they seem to be and won’t simply allow the students to turn the tables on them if they played how Lenore wants to.

And playing Annabel’s way means the callous death of many many people that do deserve another chance at life.

Now. I do have to agree with Annabel in the sense that Lenore forgets

This is a Death Game

Right now the “villainous” characters show their true face with pride and the “hero’s” are charming and true but as we get down to the wire, it’s going to get grey. There are no good or bad at the end of these games, only survival.

Could Annabel show some restraint and more tact when speaking strategy and making plans with Lenore? Absolutely. She’s little too giddy about sweeping some pieces off the board.

Lenore also needs to stop being so naive. She saw first hand what exactly the Deans are capable of in Dreamland, it put the fear of god in her.

In fairness to both characters though they and we are still missing big pieces of what happened between them and what their causes of death were. Which could hold big aspects of their characterization.

Maybe Lenore was originally very callous about others. In life, aside from Theo and Annabel, we’ve never really seen her interact with others. Perhaps this is the Lenore Annabel speaks of.

Anyway, I’m rambling. In conclusion, I’m a bit disappointed in Nevermores comment section. I enjoy Annabel’s character although some parts do worry me a bit but I have hope Red and Flynn have plans to curve this to a satisfying reason and conclusion.

That cliffhanger, boy howdy, what the fuck is Lenore gonna do…

[max1461]

Motivated by this post by @eightyonekilograms, although not a direct response to it (just some general thoughts I have). This is not a defense of making unsubstantiated claims in academic articles!

I think bullshitting has always been totally normalized and uncontroversial in most spaces, except very carefully cultivated ones with strong anti-bullshitting mechanisms. I've been saying this for years: people's words don't actually mean anything much of the time! Normal people do not ask themselves if something is true before saying it. They say it because it sounds good, or feels right, or they expect it will please their audience. This is not some unique quirk of this or that political faction, it's the near-universal nature of the human social world. You can't, like, just go around literally believing people on things (unless they give you a really good reason to do so) or you'll find yourself totally epistemically adrift.

You also can't go around demanding evidence from people on every claim they make, because you don't have the time for that and neither do they. Beyond that, if they're telling you some shit about their personal life it's very often (I might even say: almost always) best to treat it as true regardless of whether it actually is or not, for both practical and moral reasons (the latter related to respecting others' autonomy).

So what does one do? In my opinion:

Practice passive skepticism. When you hear a new claim, don't start by evaluating its truth value! You probably don't even have the requisite background knowledge to do that effectively anyway, and you probably don't need to know the truth value of every random claim the people around you make (most of it has little relevance to you). Just suspend judgement on shit by default. This also means you won't easily be duped, because you're not in the habit of believing (or disbelieving!) random claims that you hear. Only actually go to the trouble of making a truth deliberation if you're genuinely interested in a claim, or genuinely need to know its truth value for some practical reason. You can hold a claim in your head for years "just in case", and then deliberate on it when doing so actually serves you instead of right when you hear it, and you'll be able to do it right instead of doing it in a hurry. Stop with the relentless truth-seeking! It's not a good strategy.

Get comfortable just going along with what other people are saying to you while your judgement is suspended, or even while you actively disagree (as long as you judge the disagreement not to be of practical or personal relevance). I think people worry about... accidentally coming to believe something, just because they've gone along with it? Well, don't do that. You're an independent mind with your own set of epistemic standards; apply them! But (this is social advice, not epistemic advice): you don't always need to be externalizing them, vocalizing them! That will get you into needless bullshit arguments over bullshit that you already know is likely bullshit, which you could have just avoided. Determine for yourself what you think is true, on the inside, and vocalize it when it's relevant or desirable to do so.

Uh, probably some other stuff that I forgot while I was writing this, whatever.

People are really wonderful, they are wonderful creatures, but they don't mainly use language for conveying truth (that's a common misconception) and if you go into life expecting that they will, they will come out looking horrible! But truth-seeking is not the main thing most people understand language to be for, and this isn't wrong, it's a perfectly valid use! I myself do all kinds of stuff with language other than truth-seeking; in fact, as articulated above, most of my truth-seeking does not involve linguistic exchange at all (or, well, it does, but it's linguistic exchange that doesn't superficially look like it's related to truth-seeking). Uh. And you don't have to be a liar to do any of this, I mean you can tell people honestly "I don't really know" about something on which you have suspended judgement if they ask. You can be perfectly open about your passive skepticism (and why shouldn't you be, it is a desirable state of mind IMO). So yeah.

[sailorblossoms-rankane]

finished re-reading the jewel arc & I have thoughts...

The plot is about Ranma making Shampoo "say she loves him," yet the climax says his heart is unwaveringly Akane's. Ahampoo shows interest? He pulls away. Akane's "interest" is way more intense, yet he pulls closer

Notably, all the fiancées tell Ranma they love him in this arc, but only Akane's declaration gets to him. It reminds him that love is supposed to be something you feel and not a mindless challenge to win

These two panels being only a couple of pages apart really spell things out. Look at Ranma being put off by just a "hot stare" vs instantly leaning in and ~staring~ at Akane after an intense love confession. Atrociously down bad.

Similar to Tsubasa calling him ugly, Shampoo's rejection is framed as an attack, not just on his ego, but on his self-worth (this time also tied to public judgment). He reacts to both as if it were a challenge, his fighting aura visible... but the differences are interesting

The challenge against Tsubasa is clearly about looks, but with Shampoo at its core is more about likability. She doesn't attack his looks, she says he's a scum (and so should be hated). Even if he's like "am I no longer irresistible?" he's focusing on love, not attraction

When he's looking for validation with Ukyo, he doesn't ask "am I attractive to you?" (which is what you would associate with "being irresistible") but "do you love me?" (am I the type of guy girls fall in love with? ... that's what he connects with "irresistible")

Much to say about Ranma being emotionally stunted but this is the kind of stuff showing that at his core, he's a soft, romantic guy, jerk-ness notwithstanding. Classmates might say it's about desire (because THEY're horny lol) but he never goes there. Freaks out at the suggestion even

You can see the contrast with the classmates from the beginning (horny talk) while Ranma is focused on Akane's smile... his fantasies with girls are always something romantic with Akane, and it's hundreds of chapters before his interest in seeing Akane naked is brought up.

Ranma's personal space is invaded with frequency, which affects him, but all interest for him is tied to romance. There's a certain distance in challenges and playing characters, but I don't think he's comfortable with being desired from up close... unless he's in love (Akane)

And even then it's difficult for him. You can see how much he's about romance when he does not react at all to Shampoo's bridal fit (the cutest she has ever looked mind you... and yet) and with Akane just the sigh gets a big reaction

I think it makes sense to be a soft romantic at heart and struggle with being disliked. Wanting space from someone who annoys you doesn't mean you want/can take actual hostility from them. Being "dumped" is also a form of "losing" and Ranma must win absolutely everything.

Every step of the way he frames this as a challenge, a matter of reputation, armor, strategy, etc... without ever processing there are real, actual feelings at play (love is a battle, a simple challenge, instead of.... you know, love... he's not associating any of it with feelings! ... until Akane "confesses"). Other characters misjudge him for the bit, but Kasumi/Nabiki as a duo usually get it right

Akane can get angry because of misunderstandings/insecurities, but sometimes she's angry because she's being more perceptive and mature than Ranma and simply sees he's being an insensitive dumbass. (Ranma telling her not to be jealous also indicates he's not processing/seeing this as wanting someone else)

Sidenotes: it hits me that Shampoo is really a cat lol only truly dangerous when she feels (emotionally) cornered but otherwise she's just fucking around. “She hates me fr” says the melodramatic guy whose examples of "cold" and "hatred" are juvenile annoyance

Shampoo's abilities are plot devices more than anything else. If you take it seriously the speed with which Ranma defeats her is frankly disrespectful lol only the boys get Serious Fights. The tone with the female fighters is just different, no point in fixating on abilities or the like with them

(says something interesting about sexism in-world though. Cologne ya girl is getting washed, stand up! alas, she's only interested in future husband as she's ensured Shampoo's survival in her village. Could speculate the same happens to Akane, where she's trained just enough to be able to defend herself in her peaceful world, but then is left alone as the future of the dojo is expected to fall in the hands of a strong husband) (Mostly is the shonen of it all, as we're expected to believe none of the female martial artists have a sustained interest in improving/becoming stronger like the boys have. I suspend my belief here because there's still plenty to like about these characters, how the female fighters can be used, and because it's funny. What can I say. A bitch is being entertained)

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

ok im not going to tag this but i need you guys to know that my endgame ships for eridan and karkat are

eridan ♦️ karkat

eridan ♥️ roxy

roxy ♦️ calliope

eridan ♠️ calliope

karkat ♥️ calliope

i call it "the polycule only a blood player could love" and although it manages to be perfectly healthy, from the outside, everyone looks like they're cheating on everyone else. nepeta is staring at it going ":33 < dodged a fucking bullet!!!"

Eridan ♦️ Karkat

the ship with the most canon backing. this ship needs to be true before all other ships can be true because it keeps the two of them normal enough to have a shot at romancing anybody else. nobody realized they were pale for each other for an embarrasingly long time because their regular day to day conversations feature slurs and death threats. sometimes looks pitch or flushed from the outside because karkat is a mess who can't stop yelling at people he's trying to romance in the red quads, and because eridan gets really needy sometimes.

Eridan ♥️ Roxy

They get together within five minutes of knowing each other and, despite Rose's protests, never ever break up. Eridan is into cute, pink, bubbly, nice girls, and Roxy is into eccentric troubled princes. Not to mention she fucking loves wizards, and Eridan is a wizard, and that they're both hipsters who use rifles. Also Eridan is weird as hell and Roxy thinks he's hilarious for it. Despite the fact that he puts on this unpleasant, nasty act, he'll pretty much do anything Roxy tells him to, and she likes that. She thinks he has himbo energy. Everyone else thinks she's deranged. Like girl that guy is an insane murderer. Girl he will not stop saying slurs

also their specific abilities are diametrically opposed in an interesting way? prince of hope = can destroy anything he believes he can destroy, rogue of void = can create anything by stealing away its nonexistence. neat!

Roxy ♦️ Calliope

since they aren't trolls and don't need to calm each other down, it's not really a proper moirallegiance, but they're bffffffs and the kinds of silly fun-loving gals who would call their friendship a moirallegiance even if it doesn't have the biological components or serve the social function of one. Two girls that just love each other.

Eridan ♠️ Calliope

biologically, cherubs only engage in pitch romances and are attracted to other cherubs that remind them of the other half they lost in predomination. what i'm saying is that calliope - unfortunately for her - has brother issues. initially put off by eridan's superficial similarities to caliborn - his bluster, his riflekind, his insane logic and thick skull, and how damn often he talks about murder - as they get to know each other, the feeling becomes mutual. eridan is generally totally ok with outright hostility, but calliope's faux-nice smugness when taunting an opponent would drive him nuts, as would the earnestness with which she approaches magic (what kind of POSER needs to RELOAD their WAND), and in general, i think he'd take her genuine well-wishes toward other people as a personal affront, a la "i didn't ever need anybody to look after me!"

they somehow have a 50/50 win ratio at the board games they play, which drives calliope nuts. "believing in your pieces" is not a valid chess strategy!!!!!!!!!

also i think it's fun and thematic, the angel killer and the cherub, whose adult form features hope-shaped wings.

Karkat ♥️ Calliope

We know two things from his crush on terezi: the first is that karkat is into clever, cunning gals, and the second is that he's really fucking messy, the kind of guy who would tell his flushed crush to "set the table on his bone bulge for their candle light hate date." Fortunately, or unfortunately??? for calliope, the fact that he will scream obscenities at her is kind of what she's into. everybody, please, a moment of silence for calliope, who somehow manages to have worse taste in men than roxy.

but yeah more seriously, karkat has a big and loving heart, and so does calliope, while calliope maintains a cleverness and intellect that karkat would be into.

normally, it would be a huge problem for your moirail to be pitch for your matesprit, and we have that both ways here. however, a few factors are mitigating that here. first, eridan will always prioritize karkat or roxy over calliope when they're around. this actually does kind of piss her off, although she feels annoyed that it does. second, calliope is generally mature enough to compartmentalize. third, karkat WILL auspicetize if they aren't careful, and nobody wants that. and fourth, everybody wants to keep roxy happy.

but yeah everyone else watching it is like. are you guys okay? blink if you need help

ofc ship what you want to ship this is not at all me telling you what you should be into. im just saying that these ships have been calculated for Maximum Funnyness, which as we know, is the only objective measure for what makes a good homestuck ship

[atelierlili]

Katniss, Peeta, and the messy in between.

For a while I've been seeing the sentiment of blaming the distance between Katniss and Peeta after the 74th games on Peeta entirely and I think it's rather unfair. It's a messy situation involving two teenagers who are both valid in their feelings at this point in time.

There's multiple things going on at the end of book 1 in regards to Peeta's relationship with both Katniss AND Haymitch that it feel unfair to blame him, when Peeta, like Katniss, more often than not, is the last one to find out other people's intentions/plans, even from his own allies.

Now before I start, I feel like I must preface this by saying I'm not bashing anyone in this analysis so if you're gonna say something rude and mean about my babies, make that U turn cause I aint having it. Also I'm a yapper so this is gonna be really long lol.

It begins on the train tracks. Katniss and Peeta are walking along the tracks when Peeta picks her a small bouquet of wildflowers as Katniss is struggling to convey the kind of danger they are in, while also being paranoid that they're being watched. At this time, she also connects Gale to the wild flowers Peeta has picked for her and its adding her anxiety to the point where she can't even pretend to be happy at Peeta's gift. And that's something he picks up on.

When the train makes a brief stop for fuel, we’re allowed to go outside for some fresh air. There’s no longer any need to guard us. Peeta and I walk down along the track, hand in hand, and I can’t find anything to say now that we’re alone. He stops to gather a bunch of wildflowers for me. When he presents them, I work hard to look pleased. Because he can’t know that the pink and-white flowers are the tops of wild onions and only remind me of the hours I’ve spent gathering them with Gale.

“What’s wrong?” Peeta asks. “Nothing,” I answer. We continue walking, past the end of the train, out where even I’m fairly sure there are no cameras hidden in the scrubby bushes along the track. Still no words come. -THG - Chapter 27

Its not until Haymitch appears and drop the bomb and bows out that Peeta finally catches on that Katniss and Haymitch are still playing up the lover act without his knowledge.

Haymitch startles me when he lays a hand on my back. Even now, in the middle of nowhere, he keeps his voice down. “Great job, you two. Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay.” I watch him head back to the train, avoiding Peeta’s eyes. “What’s he mean?” Peeta asks me. “It’s the Capitol. They didn’t like our stunt with the berries,” I blurt out. “What? What are you talking about?”

“So, what you’re saying is, these last few days and then I guess . . . back in the arena . . . that was just some strategy you two worked out.” “No. I mean, I couldn’t even talk to him in the arena, could I?” I stammer. “But you knew what he wanted you to do, didn’t you?” says Peeta. I bite my lip. “Katniss?” He drops my hand and I take a step, as if to catch my balance. “It was all for the Games,” Peeta says. “How you acted.”

-THG - Chapter 27

The truth comes out. Uh oh. It seems this star crossed lovers act when on longer than Peeta expected. Granted, I don't recall him or Katniss ever making their status official, but somewhere between the cave and now, Peeta thought both him and Katniss were on the same page about their feelings. He's not wrong for thinking Katniss liked him back, she does, what he didn't account for is Katniss not knowing herself that she liked him back.

I think Peeta learning the truth through Haymitch and not Katniss starts them on the wrong foot. Because she isn't honest with him for a majority of the time in this scene. Yes, Katniss was worried if the capitol could hear them, but even after Haymitch lets them know they can talk freely, she's still isn't 100% honest with Peeta.

Now here comes the big question.

“It was all for the Games,” Peeta says. “How you acted.” “Not all of it,” I say, tightly holding on to my flowers. “Then how much? No, forget that. I guess the real question is what’s going to be left when we get home?” he says. “I don’t know. The closer we get to District Twelve, the more confused I get,” I say. He waits, for further explanation, but none’s forthcoming

I'd be more than happy to dump all the blame on him for being a pissy baby after the revelation if it weren't for that last part at the end.

Peeta's hurt, yes, but he can rationalize that Katniss had to play lovers for the games, but here, right now, he's asking what he should be expecting when they get home. The words aren't there, but the subtext is loud and clear.

This is a confession. I'm hurt. But I still like you. Do you like me? Will we have something when we go home and the cameras are gone?

Katniss gives him her most honest answer yet. She doesn't know. She's confused and she's getting more confused as they get closer to home. And that's it. That's her answer. But it isn't enough.

Peeta explicitly waits for more of an explanation from Katniss. He hears nothing about her thoughts, feelings, fears. He only knows what she tells him. And when he doesn't get it, there's no other way to take it as a rejection.

So now what?

“Well, let me know when you work it out,” he says, and the pain in his voice is palpable. -THG- Chapter 27-

“No, I ate at the Hob,” I say. “But thank you.” My voice doesn’t sound like my own, it’s so formal. Just as it’s been every time I’ve spoken to Peeta since the cameras finished filming our happy homecoming and we returned to our real lives. -CF- Chapter 1

The camera crews and reporters packed up and went home. Peeta and I assumed the cool relationship we’ve had ever since. -CF- Chapter 2

And this is why I feel like it's so unfair to solely blame Peeta for their distance between THG and CF. This distance came from both sides.

Peeta ends Book one asking Katniss to be honest with him once she figures her own feelings out. But she never does. She just picks up her life and tries go back to what it was before the games.

Was he waiting for an answer? How long did he wait? When did he give up and accept that whatever was the 74th was something his mind made up while he lying half dead in a cave?

Katniss has a valid list of a million things that are clouding her feelings for Peeta. We know them because we're stuck in her head. But Peeta isn't. And to be honest, I don't think he ever knows all of them throughout the trilogy.

I want to tell him that he’s not being fair. That we were strangers. That I did what it took to stay alive, to keep us both alive in the arena. That I can’t explain how things are with Gale because I don’t know myself. That it’s no good loving me because I’m never going to get married anyway and he’d just end up hating me later instead of sooner. That if I do have feelings for him, it doesn’t matter because I’ll never be able to afford the kind of love that leads to a family, to children. And how can he? How can he after what we’ve just been through? -THG- Chapter 27-

And this isn't a silly little fling for Peeta. He's liked Katniss since forever. Has there been other girls that caught his eye? Yes, maybe, but Katniss Everdeen has always been a soft spot for him.

Now, there is a part of him that now as to wonder WTF was going on in the Games, in the Cave and the Interview that followed after. You know the one, where Katniss cries into his chest, buries her face into his chest and practically sits on him the entire time.

Unlike Katniss, Peeta now has to question everything because the rug has just been pulled from underneath him. Yes, he's aware about the lover act and playing it up for the audience, but he isn't aware that Katniss and Haymitch have some crazy telepathic connection to each other that was guiding how Katniss would act towards Peeta in the games. He was even delirious half the time. How far did that go? When did it even begin? He knew that Haymitch was sending packages to Katniss instead of him.

I'm not making this shit up because it's the one thing that Peeta outwardly expresses frustration at (especially) Katniss and Haymitch.

“This has to stop. Right now. This — this — game you two play, where you tell each other secrets but keep them from me like I’m too inconsequential or stupid or weak to handle them.” “It’s not like that, Peeta —” I begin. “It’s exactly like that!” he yells at me. “I have people I care about, too, Katniss! Family and friends back in District Twelve who will be just as dead as yours if we don’t pull this thing off. So, after all we went through in the arena, don’t I even rate the truth from you?” - CF - Chapter 5 -

So what is the point i'm making here? Oh right. I think Peeta is 1000% justified in withdrawing from Katniss after the train tracks. What else is he suppose to do? This isn't something he can bounce back and recover from right away. Taking a step back is the most mature thing to do in this situation. For his sake and hers.

I dislike the notion that his apology denotes complete wrong doing on his part. He's having a human moment and he navigates it better than most would. Yes, he freezes her out, but he doesn't berate her, blame her or is mean to her. He just fucks off and deals with his own emotions and only shows up to play the perfect boyfriend. (And when he does, he never does it with malice OR resentment, at least to from Katniss' obervation.) What other alternative is there? He's genuinely hurt and I feel like expecting him to be comforting and supportive on and off camera when he's hurting inside to be unfair.

We sympathize with Katniss because we're in her head 24/7. We can get to hear her yearn and pine for Peeta after the train tracks. But Katniss also just doesn't mention her every trying to fix her relationship with Peeta between books. She lets the ice freeze over until Peeta comes back to ofter friendship instead. Yes, she has trauma and more hang ups than the average modern day person, but so does Peeta. Trauma is an explanation, not an excuse. If Katniss is allowed three books to figure out her feelings for Peeta, Peeta should be allowed the in between of Book 1 and 2 to figure out his with Katniss.

There should be more nuance when we look at this point in time where Peeta and Katniss' relationship is estranged. Peeta has a lot of reasons why he might want distance from her and I think it's unfair to blame him for it. From him questioning the games, Katniss and Haymitch's involvement with each other and Katniss non-answer of a rejection to his feelings, there's a lot of things he needs to sort out himself. Yes, she saved his life, but she also doesn't answer a lot of questions he asks of her. Katniss doesn't owe him a relationship for what happened in the games, or even her reasons why she's not ready for a relationship. But in turn, we shouldn't blame Peeta if he personally needs time to pick himself up, to figure things out himself. And this is just one thing on top of the trauma that follows both of them after the games. He also just fucking lost his leg LMAO

[utilitycaster]

did you have any more thoughts about the "going down equals a level of exhaustion" house rule for 5e? a group I'm involved in is considering adding it, and though I've strenuously argued against it, the retort seems to be that a good healer would be spending those spells anyway, so the healbot concern is irrelevant. As the person playing the healer in the group I'd be leaving if they choose to implement it, but I'd like to give it one more good argument before I pull that card.

So my arguments here are somewhat subjective and I think gain efficacy if you are willing to gently but firmly say "I would leave this group over this choice," at this time.

My first one is a pretty basic one. For all the complaints people have about it, I actually find D&D 5e is pretty balanced, rules as written. Sure, there are rules I ignore, but most of those are like...very finicky little things (eg: small creatures not being able to use heavy weapons; it's not like halflings have such great racial abilities that you must nerf them by not letting them use a warhammer) and not core elements of gameplay. It was pretty thoroughly playtested as is. I think DMs who try to play with this kind of thing tend to be either be people who are struggling with a way to make encounters more dangerous but haven't used the (RAW) tools at their disposal; or are the sort of people I've described before who are incapable of enjoying something unless they can figuratively pee on it to mark their territory. The former is fixable; the latter type can change but it tends to have to come from within. Though I will say: Rusty Quill Gaming's Unconscious Rule was that you get a scar (no mechanical penalties unless you want) whenever you're knocked unconscious. It was purely a story thing, but if your DM is just itching to homebrew something in order to carve their initials onto the tree of D&D instead of leaving well enough alone, that might be a way to let them feel like they've homebrewed something relating to unconsciousness.

The second one is that there's multiple approaches to healing! I do tend to be a fairly proactive healer when I play one, but letting people go down is a valid strategy. Plus, shit happens! People roll really badly or the DM rolls really well or you roll all 1s on your healing dice and bam, they're unexpectedly out. It puts an undue burden on the healer not just in terms of pushing them towards a very specific playstyle, but at high levels pushes them to burn extra 5th levels (and diamond dust) on Greater Restoration). It also simultaneously makes it perhaps advantageous to not heal someone who's gone down. If they go unconscious and you're not able to heal them up beyond what they're likely to lose in another round, maybe it's better to leave them making death saves (or do Spare the Dying) so that they don't have two levels of exhaustion...but then they might die. It's a really screwy thing because the game isn't fucking balanced for this because it's stupid. It also can push the party into the One Combat Per Day behavior that has been rightfully criticized.

And finally, tying back to both of the above, there's a reason why going unconscious doesn't kill people in D&D and that's because it makes for a good story! It adds drama and tension, but you don't lose the character. This both penalizes you for allowing that drama to happen and ratchets the tension to a level that isn't really fun.

Another thing I'd add is to ask why specifically they want to add it because if someone says "it's more realistic," for example, you have my permission to say "in the pretend to be an elf wizard game?" and make a jerk-off motion. You may want to tone that down if you wish to part on good terms but like, for real, if they want a more realistic game, perhaps they should find one. I'm not a Pathfinder person myself but I would never begrudge other people from playing it in their own homes and I think PF1e (or an older version of D&D) and its less generous overnight healing might be worth your while. Perhaps exploring another system would be the better option. I think people who wander around the internet whining about how other people play D&D are sad losers, but they do have a point that if you're tinkering with core rules (as opposed to like, homebrewing a race, class/subclass, item, spell, feat, or monster) that's a sign you should probably look for another game.

So with all that said: I think it's fair to point out a (more tactful) version of all of the above but also say "I feel, as the healer, this would make my role a lot less fun, and I would leave this group over this choice." If you say it politely and calmly it may make your DM realize how much you dislike it. That doesn't mean they won't barrel ahead anyway, because people have free will and whatnot, but in a social situation, sometimes logical arguments aren't helpful! Sometimes it's better to just say "I've said why I don't like this, and I hope we can find a compromise, but ultimately you can do what you want; I can also do what I want, and I don't want to be here if you disregard my input on something that affects my enjoyment."

[sadisticsongbird]

playing god's game ~ coriolanus snow

five

warnings: nothin much

word count: 4.7k

a/n: thank you to those who have enjoyed the series so far! i've decided to change up the taglist a little bit. if you would like to be added to the taglist, please comment the series masterlist (below) so its all in one place. i'll also add people that interact regularly with the series. thank you!

series masterlist

When you arrived at the steps of the school, half the peacekeepers abandoned the group of you, leaving you and Coriolanus with two to escort you to your class. 

“This is your fault, you know,” you whispered to Coriolanus.

“Mine!?” he attempted to yell softly. “You were just as much involved as I was.”

“Maybe. But I didn’t jump into the cage with the tributes.”

He opened his mouth to say something at your retort, but chose to keep silent. He didn’t want to argue with you, as much as he wanted to see you shy away at his insults again. 

The peacekeepers walked ahead of the two of you, opening the doors to your classroom. Being a mentor in the Games meant that your class load had been trimmed down to a singular class personally taught by the dean. All you would do until the timer went off in the arena was learn more about the history of the Games and work on how to apply strategy to your mentoring assignment. The open doors revealed your classroom set up with two seats empty in between Clemensia and Sejanus, saved for the two of you no doubt. The dean began to speak from his place in the middle of the room without looking up at you or Coriolanus. 

“Miss Stillwater, I expected better of you. And your little excursion was in violation of about five different Academy rules, Mr. Snow. Chief amongst them, endangering a Capitol student.”

“What? Who?” you and Coriolanus said at the same time. Both of you looked at one another, faces filled with embarrassment, raising a snicker throughout the rest of the room. 

“You. I'm moving for the Gamemakers to disqualify you both as mentors immediately.”

“You said we had to get our tributes to perform, not that we had to stay away,” Coriolanus argued as the two of you shuffled in front of Sejanus to find your seats. You sat next to your best friend, giving him a faint smile as you passed him. 

“I'll add insubordination as well.”

“Shaking her hand, Y/N? And Coryo, introducing her to people? You make it look as if we're one and the same as those animals,” Arachne mocked the two of you. 

“Coriolanus didn't show those people anything they didn't already know,” Sejanus spoke up. 

“I don't need your help, Sejanus,” Coriolanus whispered loud enough only for Sejanus and you to hear. Regardless of his comment, Sejanus continued. 

“That the tributes are human beings. Just like us. That's why nobody wants to watch the Games. It's because people know deep down that winning a war 10 years ago doesn't justify starving people's children, taking away their freedoms, their rights.”

Before he could argue another word, a dark voice that you recognized sounded from behind the students, heels clicking as they walked down the aisle of stairs you and Coriolanus had just walked up. “Snow fell down in the cage. It fell down in the cage but it landed…” Gaul. 

“On stage.”

She laughed at his comment. You couldn’t tell if it was in mockery or in praise, though. “You're good at Games. Maybe one day, you'll be a Gamemaker like me.” 

Her comments kind of enraged you. You were at the zoo too, but where was your validation? As scared as you were to be singled out by the looming woman, you hated that Coriolanus was eating up all of the compliments for something you were BOTH getting into trouble for. 

“If the Games continue at all,” Highbottom replied with a dull tone. 

“Oh, they'll continue,” Gaul reassured. “With performances like young Mr. Snow's and Miss Stillwater’s in that zoo. Miss Stillwater, how did it feel to be so close to someone from the districts?”

You didn’t know how to answer her question when the truth was, it didn’t feel any different than when you would talk to Sejanus. “It was…enlightening.”

“Enlightening?” the doctor laughed. “How so?”

“Like Sejanus said. They are human beings. They’ve been painted as these monsters to us for so long, but perhaps they aren’t all like that. Maybe we’re wrong.”

Coriolanus chuckled beside you, whispering to himself. “I beg to differ.”

“Do you have something to say, Snow?” you jeered at him. 

“You weren’t in that cage with them.  I could practically feel the anger radiating off of them. They would’ve ripped my head off if it weren’t for…” he trailed off. “The point is, they are all the same. They hate us and we hate them.”

“You didn’t have to jump in the truck with them,” you argued. “You could have simply just come to watch like I did.”

“Enough.” Gaul’s voice thundered around the room. “This..bickering…can happen later. I’ve come here to ask you star mentors a question.” The students murmured around the two of you. Star mentor. You liked it. “What are the Hunger Games for?”

You sat, debating how to answer this. Harboring about as much hate for the games as Sejanus, you didn’t know what you could say about the games that wouldn’t offend the Head Gamemaker herself. You were always told as a little kid when you asked about it that it was simply a means of keeping order, to show the districts that the Capitol won the war. But you knew that for those in power it ran deeper than that. Before you could answer, Coriolanus spoke up. 

“They're to punish the districts for their uprising, to commemorate the end of the war…” he answered naively when Gaul interrupted him. 

"’Commemorate the…’ Dull, dull, dull,” she almost reprimanded. Coriolanus looked down into his lap, embarrassed. “Punishment can take myriad forms. Why not drop bombs, cancel food shipments, stage executions? Why Games?” she emphasized. 

“Shouldn't we be asking ourselves whether or not they're right in the first place?” Sejanus asked beside you. You set a hand on his shoulder to try and signal him to stop, but he shrugged it off.

“Sejanus, don’t-” you started. 

“You have a problem with my Games?” Gaul asked. 

“Some of those kids were two years old when the war ended. The oldest of them were only eight. The Capitol is supposed to be everyone's government now. It is supposed to protect all of us. I don't see how making children fight each other to the death is protecting anyone,” he announced to the entire classroom. His head moved, like he was giving a speech to everyone, trying to see if anyone had even the slightest bit of compassion that he held toward these tributes. 

“That sort of sympathy might interfere with your mentoring assignment,” Gaul taunted. 

“Perhaps the Capitol students are ill-suited to be mentoring tributes. Perhaps the Game's time has passed.” Highbottom seemed to be on everyone’s tails about this. Did he not want the Games to continue? He was the creator of them, afterall. His ride to fame at the creation of them was likely the only reason that he even became the dean at the Academy in the first place. 

Coriolanus stood up beside you. “Dean Highbottom is wrong. My classmates, too,” he said. “Maybe Sejanus is onto something here. Maybe we should be viewing those tributes as human beings. I mean, you saw those kids in the zoo, they just…” he paused, looking at Sejanus past you. “They just wanted to get to know Lucy Gray. If we need people to watch, we should be letting them get closer to the tributes before the Games. To make the stakes personal.”

For as long as you knew the boy, he always seemed to twist others words to exactly to his benefit. He knew that Sejanus didn’t mean for these tributes to be used to benefit the view of the Games. Sejanus only wanted these tributes to be safe, to be viewed as someone worth getting to know rather than as a form of entertainment. But you were also annoyed with Coriolanus, once again digging up all of the attention. 

“Who will watch the Games if they care what happens to the tributes?”

“Everyone,” you said, standing up. It surprised just about everyone else in the room. You already weren’t one to speak in class, this day being abnormal for you. But to see you defending the Games was another thing. Sejanus spoke highly against it and you seemed to always agree with his opinions, but here you were, defending Coriolanus. Just for attention. What has become of you? “If they thought the tribute they cared about had a chance of winning. People need someone to root for and someone to root against. We need them to invest. And if we bend a few Capitol laws, we could even have them place bets.” You looked down at Sejanus, hoping that he wouldn’t be angry with you. When you met his eyes, it wasn’t anger, but disappointment. 

“Lucy Gray may not win in the arena, I know that,” Coriolanus cut in. “But if you give her a chance, I would bet the Plinth Prize that she can win people's attention.

Gaul stayed silent for a moment, deciding whether to weigh in about your ideas. Finally, she cleared her throat, making sure that everyone still had her attention. “I'd like you both to write up a proposal of these thoughts tonight.”

“Wait. You mean y-you m-might…” Clemensia stuttered, “...you might actually use their ideas?”

“If it'll help the ratings, why not.” Gaul shrugged. 

“Coriolanus and I are class partners, Dr. Gaul,” the dark haired girl said, standing up and grasping onto Coriolanus arm like she had a few mornings before. You scoffed at the interaction. “We do all of our assignments together.”

Gaul’s sinister laugh rang through the room. “Ms. Dovecote, Mr Plinth. Since you both seem so…eager to share your ideas too. I’ll expect them on my desk tomorrow morning.” She made eye contact with you, making your bones go rigid. “It'll be an interesting test,” she said, smirking. 

The few moments you and her stared at one another seemed to go on before she turned, exiting the classroom the way she just came. When the door closed behind her, Highbottom cleared his throat, seemingly unsure what to say. 

“I-I think that we’ve all had enough of the Games this morning. You may go to lunch.”

You turned to Sejanus, anticipating to talk to him as you walked to lunch, but the moment Highbottom finished his announcement, Sejanus left, swinging his bag around his body without another look at you. He left his books on his desk that you assumed that he would use to write up his proposal. 

“Sejanus,” you started. But it was too late. He was already out the door. 

Coriolanus watched the entire interaction, silently praising you for pissing Sejanus off, putting him in his place about the Games. He had no idea you supported the Games so much, but maybe you truly didn’t. And that was what was truly pissing the district boy off. 

He thought back to what Tigris had told him about trust last night. Although he needed Lucy Gray’s trust the most in order to help him succeed, he saw how well you and Lucy Gray connected this morning. You couldn’t and wouldn’t do anything for him unless he could trust you. It would be even easier to manipulate you into benefitting him if you were right under his nose. 

“Y/N.”

You turned around, surprised that he was talking to you. He didn’t say anything else, just gesture for you to follow him. As much as you didn’t want to follow Coriolanus, Sejanus didn’t seem eager to talk to you right now. You figured it was better to sit with him than sit alone. Gathering up Sejanus’s things that he abandoned, you followed him down the stairs. He was ahead of you slightly, but you caught up to him in no time. 

“What do you want, Coriolanus?”

He smiled, genuinely. “What makes you think I want something from you?”

“This is the most we’ve talked to one another in one day. Ever. And the only times before that have been you picking on me or needing something from me. Why would now be any different?”

He seemed hurt at the comment, something in his face changing. Coriolanus didn’t think that he picked on you all that often, Clemensia always being the one to speak up first. It was true that you got on his nerves and vice versa, but it was only to get under your skin. He didn’t know that you took most of it to heart. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. About this morning. It was my fault we got in trouble. You were right. I was the one that got in the cage.”

You were genuinely shocked at his apology. He prided himself on being right and worthy in everyone’s eyes and discrediting himself to anyone was always out of the question. Yet here he was, apologizing to you. 

“Thank you?” you said, still unsure if he meant it or not. 

“W-would you want to eat lunch with me today? Maybe talk through some of the ideas?” Why was he so nervous about asking you this?

“Why? You want to steal some of my ideas?” you said as seriously as you could.

He stuttered over his words. While he didn’t think of that, he didn’t want you assuming that either. “N-no, I jus-”

You cut him off in laughter. “I’m kidding. I’d love to have lunch with you, Coriolanus. As long as it’s all in business,” you joked. 

“It’s all in business, I can assure you.”

Both of you went through the line, putting high amounts of food on your trays. You got enough for yourself to fill yourself up and to bring to Mizzen. You wouldn’t have enough time to grab any when you ran home later to check up on your mother. When you looked over on Coriolanus’s tray, you assumed he had the same idea. Before long, the two of you were sitting at a small table in the middle of the luncheon room, yourself sitting across from the blonde boy. You had barely gotten a word in to one another nor taken a bite before a tray slammed down on the table to your left. 

“You trying to fatten that poor girl up so you can finally start taking bets?” Sejanus spat at you. 

“Sej, I didn’t mean-” you muttered, leaning back away from the boy. You could never be scared of him, but it didn’t stop you from feeling the need to protect yourself. 

“Sejanus, enough,” Coriolanus said, standing up and pulling the dark haired boy back, away from you. Sejanus lost his balance briefly, but Coriolanus poked him in the chest as soon as he was stable. “You think they'll give those kids a scrap if we don't give them a reason to do it? How do you think your tribute will have a chance if he can't eat?” Sejanus was still looking over at you with a dark look in his eyes, disappointment gone, replaced by sheer anger. “Hey,” Coriolanus said again, turning Sejanus’s jaw to look at him instead of you. “Maybe instead of yelling at her, you should be thanking her.”

It was odd to see Coriolanus defending you to Sejanus, the roles normally reversed. If you would have been told two days ago that one of your biggest enemies would be supporting you over your best friend, you would have laughed in their faces, but you did suppose that a lot had been changing these past couple of days. It made your head spin. 

Coriolanus sat down back in his chair across from you, giving you a sympathetic look. He looked back up at your best friend, gesturing for him to take a seat. You flinched slightly when Sejanus pulled the chair out. He was clearly still angry, but at least it wasn’t being aimed directly at you anymore. All three of you picked up your silverware, beginning to pick at your food. 

“He was my classmate. Back in 2.” 

“It's not your fault it's him,” you said. 

“See, I know. I'm so blameless, I'm choking on it,” Sejanus spat out before taking a deep breath and turning to Coriolanus. “My father bought him for me, you know, at the Reaping, Just so he could show me that I could never go back to 2.” Sejanus set his fork down. “But being Capitol is gonna kill me.”

“So do something about it,” Coriolanus said, shaking his napkin out onto his lap, beginning to set food into it. As soon as you realized what he was doing, you followed suit, placing the extra sandwiches and blocks of cheese into your own cloth. 

“Quite the rebels,” Sejanus half-smiled, watching you both steal school food for your tributes. 

“Oh, yeah,” Coriolanus said, picking up Sejanus’s napkin and throwing it at his chest, urging him to do the same with his food for his tribute. “I'm bad news,” Coriolanus said sarcastically. 

You wondered why you had never conversed like this before, the three of you. You supposed that Coriolanus was too busy trying to blend in with the other students, to avoid being different. In a bad way at least. Maybe in another life, it could be like this, the three of you, joking around, laughing with one another. You smiled to yourself as your mind created a fantasy of this. But before you could get too happy about it, you were reminded of the person that Coriolanus Snow truly was. He was cold to you and Sejanus. All he wanted was attention from those around it and here you were giving it to him. But you couldn’t let him have it anymore. 

However, you could live in the fantasy of it for just a little while longer, meeting Coriolanus’s blue eyes and smiling. 

You left the Academy earlier than the boys did, making enough time for you to run home to see your mother. She was still sleeping, his roll from this morning still untouched, but you figured you’d set out a fresh apple you had taken from the cafeteria for her. When you left her again, you hoped that you would still have enough time to maybe talk to Lucy Gray before Coriolanus showed up. You had some questions for her about this morning and you figured that it’d be better to ask them without the cameras around. And without Coriolanus. 

She was sitting against a rock, Jessup sleeping on her shoulder when you walked up to the gate. There was a small crowd gathered at the zoo, staying back from the bars and simply admiring the tributes rather than interacting. You hoped that whatever proposal you could come up with tonight would allow them to quit being gawked at by the citizens of the Capitol and instead interacted with like normal human beings. 

You brushed through the small crowd, gaining attention with your red uniform, but they paid little mind to you. “Lucy Gray,” you said through the bars, trying to get her attention. 

She had her eyes closed, much like Jessup did. But when she heard your voice, she opened them, searching around groggily before finding you. Lucy Gray shook Jessup’s shoulder, waking him up and letting her know where she was going. Lysistrata was Jessup’s mentor and you had no idea if she would be coming to visit him. So you figured you could share a little bit of your food with him. They both walked over to you, Lucy Gray grasping the bars while Jessup kept his distance. Not all of the tributes trusted you or any Capitol citizen for that matter as much as Lucy Gray did. 

“You’re back,” she said with a smile. “Did you bring any food?”

You nodded your head, taking out the small cloth to hand her a sandwich and a few things of cheese. “I gotta feed my own tribute. Coriolanus will be here with some more later.”

She held her hands out as you gave the food to her. “Thank you,” she said, giving you a warm smile. “Jessup.” She gestured for him to get closer as she held out the cheese to him. 

“I'm not hungry,” he replied, keeping his eyes on you. 

“You think I can't hear your stomach growling, Jessup Diggs?” she scolded. He hesitantly took the food from her hands. She proceeded to split the sandwich, giving him the other half while she was at it. She turned back to you, her eyes flitting all over your face as if she was trying to commit your face to memory. 

“What?” you asked. “Do I have something?” You moved your hands over your cheeks and mouth, perhaps leaving a crumb behind from lunch. 

“No! No, I just-” She stopped herself. “Can I ask why you’re here instead of my mentor?”

“Oh,” you exclaimed. “I just wanted to ask you about this morning…” Would she even remember the encounter as you did? After all, maybe it was just the sunlight glinting off of her glowing face to make her appear pale. “When you looked at me, you looked as if I was a ghost.”

“You kinda are, in a way.” Realizing what she said, she tried to steer the conversation. “I mean that you just remind me of someone I knew a time ago.”

You knew there was more to it, but decided not to push. There were more pressing concerns taking place right now. “Coriolanus is going to want you to sing again,” you admitted to her.

“Why? Whatta you mean?” she asked. 

“In case you didn’t know, you put on quite a show for the Capitol,” you joked. “The Gamemakers are putting new things in place to help you out before and during the Games and singing just might help.”

“It might. But I don't sing when I'm told. I sing when I have something to say.”

Your conversation was interrupted by Arachne screaming into the zoo, calling for her tribute. 

“Oh, Brandy,” she teased. “You want something to eat? Come and get it.”

You rolled your eyes at the action, turning back to face Lucy Gray but her gaze was behind you. 

“Feeding my tribute, Stillwater?” Coriolanus asked, walking up behind you. “You really are making this easy for me.”

“Ha ha, very funny,” you said sarcastically. Facing Lucy Gray again, you thanked her for her conversation before bidding them both goodbye to find Mizzen. 

You passed Arachne who was kneeling on the ground with a bottle, teasing her tribute by hanging the bottle just out of reach. You couldn’t believe her, using hunger as a weapon. You knew it was personally from during the war. With barely a scrap to quench the hunger in your stomach, you often turned to sleeping to pass your time without food. You knew that you’d probably be in the same circumstances right now if it weren’t for Sejanus’s family. 

“Can you take it? Come on, try harder than that,” Arachne tormented.

Sejanus was by then at the cage too. His arm was stuck in the cage, reaching a sandwich out for nearly anyone to come and grab. “Marcus. Hey. It's me. Marcus, look. Here, I got some food for you. Here.” He pleaded with his tribute, but Marcus didn’t spare him more than a glance. “Come on. Marcus.”

You stood next to Sejanus, placing a hand on his shoulder. You knew that he was probably still mad at you, but you had to try something. He looked over at your hand on his shoulder, pulling his arm in the cage back to his body. Without a word to him, you took the sandwich from his hand, walking a few feet away from him. 

“Marcus,” you said through the bars. The tribute spun his head in your direction, watching you watch him. “It’s food. We don’t want you to go hungry.” 

You placed your arm through the cage like Sejanus had been, waiting for the boy to get up. Marcus looked back over at Sejanus, who was watching the interaction, and glared before getting up and walking toward you. He looked at your food-filled hand for an extra moment before roughly grabbing its contents. 

“You keep him,” he pointed to Sejanus, “away from me.” The boy bit into the food while making his way back over to the rock he had been sitting on before. 

You had no idea if it was simply the fact that Sejanus now lived in the Capitol or if something else had happened between the boys when Sejnaus still lived in the districts, but whatever it was ran deep. Making your way back to Sejanus, he whispered a quiet thank you. You gave him a small smile before calling out to Mizzen. 

Despite the fact that you hadn’t met him yet, you hoped that it would be easy to build a relationship with him as it had with Lucy Gray. If you couldn’t get him to trust you, then there was no point in you trying. A small boy perked up, a flat cap upon his head. “Mizzen?” you asked. 

He looked over at a red headed girl who you recognized as Festus’s tribute. She gave him a small nod before he looked back over at you. He and the girl were tucked in the back of the zoo, as far away from their audience as possible, so it took a moment for him to make his way over to you. When he finally got to a good distance, we stopped, keeping a few feet back. “Who are you?” he asked.

“I’m Y/N. I’m your mentor. You might’ve met Coriolanus the other day,” you gestured over to him. “He’s also a mentor.”

“Yeah. I gathered that,” he retorted. “What are you s’pposed to do as my…mentor?”

You didn’t know exactly what you could do to help him yet. You still had to figure out how you could possibly provide him with what he needs, but Highbottom did say that your job was to make the tributes interesting to the Capitol before the Games.

“Introduce you to the people of the Capitol, I guess.”

“You guess?” he laughed, spitting on the ground in front of you. You took a step back. “Seems like you aren’t quite sure. I can’t let you ‘help,’” he said, using air quotes, “if you don’t know what you’re doing. Besides, you seem much more invested in the singer.”

“She’s intriguing. Like you need to be. Interact with the people for a start,” you suggested. “Don’t hide in the back with the girl-”

“Coral,” he interrupted.

“Coral,” you corrected. “Come talk to the people. I’m sure they have questions for you. I know I do,” you said, holding out your last bit of food in the cloth to him. He picked up only the food, careful to avoid touching your hand through the cloth. 

“Come on,” Arachne said, lightly tapping the same bottle she had been teasing Brandy with against the bars. 

“Give me something. I've been sitting here for 15 minutes!” Brandy complained. 

“Thank you,” Mizzen said, drawing your eyes back to him. “Some of you are kind enough.” 

He began to walk backwards away from you and back to Cora, bidding you goodbye. You were sure he would share with Coral like Lucy Gray had. With no sign of Festus, you were okay with that. It was wrong to let them starve. You knew that personally. Directing your attention over to Coriolanus and Lucy Gray, you watched as they both laughed with one another, crouched down in the dirt and eating with one another. 

Screams pulled you out of your stares as you watched Brandy grab the bottle from Arachne’s hands and smash it against the bars, making the glass shatter. With the tributes free hand, she grabbed Arachne’s collar pulling her close and stabbing the bottle into Arachne’s throat.

taglist: @gracieroxzy @poppyflower-22 @hungergamesfantatic @becauseseaotters @tyjanelle @ganana @immyowndefender @edb954 @haroldpotterson @bitterplacebrokendreamsmaegan @undeadtears66 @astarborntowrite @marvelescvpe @ems-st @blythlover @tinyhumanoidclodhorse

[askagamedev]

Have you got any advice for a dev that has lost passion? I got in the industry to make games, and though I've worked in the industry for 8 years I don't feel I've had a meaningful impact on any project I've worked on. I consistently feel underqualified in roles and yet continue to studio hop towards promotion without issue. I have never shipped a game. I've lost interest in the craft as I don't feel like it matters to someone like me. I feel despondent and purposeless, I'd like to care again.

It sounds a lot like you're dealing with burnout. One of the quickest recipes for burnout is putting all of the value on the results of the work rather than finding the work itself inherently rewarding - valuing the explicit reward instead of an implicit one. These two aren't always causal, which can result in this disjointed feeling and lack of motivation. Since you're not seeing any results from your work, it feels like a lot of wasted time and energy.

The quickest way to provide that explicit reward is to see players enjoying the results of your work. This doesn't have to be through a shipped game, it can be through your own personal projects as well. One of our Discord members enjoys posting his own personal playable game projects to our indie channel, where people can try them. These are not massively scoped games, but they are fun and the play testers do appreciate them. The feeling that your work is not wasted is important to getting validation that your efforts are worthwhile.

A longer-term solution to switch to implicit enjoyment of your work is to embrace a sense of detachment from the results of your work and focus on doing tasks that you enjoy doing for their own sake. I don't focus on what the results of my work will get me when I go into my job at all. I focus on the part of the work I find inherently rewarding and interesting - I treat my tasks like puzzles and I solve them. The feeling of solving a puzzle is rewarding and interesting to me on its own, I would feel good solving problems and puzzles all day long. The other stuff - the rewards for doing well at work and the promotions and whatever - are obviously important and there is some long-term meta-game strategy, but the day-to-day job satisfaction is entirely based on doing the things I find inherently engaging to begin with.

You might not find that to be the case (or even possible) in your current place of employment, or even in general. What is job satisfaction worth to you? Perhaps you could find a new employer that matches your needs better? It's difficult to say for sure. I also suggest talking to a therapist about this. Therapists are there to advocate for and provide context to you in the field of mental health. Pursuing a career that is more engaging is certainly a reasonable goal that a mental health professional should be able to assist with. A good mental health professional should certainly help you identify and work through the feelings of burnout you've expressed.

[Join us on Discord] and/or [Support us on Patreon]

Got a burning question you want answered?

Short questions: Ask a Game Dev on Twitter

Long questions: Ask a Game Dev on Tumblr

Frequent Questions: The FAQ

[germiyahu]

A lot of terminally online Leftists were never liberals and will never be, so do not engage with them as if there's a secret liberal core inside of them that you can reach if you just try hard enough, are smart enough, are patient enough, are understanding enough.

You need to treat them the same way you treat far right lunatics. They're not interested in debate (they're not good at it either because they don't fundamentally want to live in objective reality).

I'd bet a lot of money that a majority of tankies grew up conservative, and merely repolarized their radical worldviews instead of dismantling them. They were never liberal! They don't care about liberal norms, values, or institutions. They don't believe in universal rights or fairness. They don't believe that everyone should get a say. They don't believe that democracy is actually necessary and certainly not a force for good in humanity. They do not under any circumstance believe in due process. If you try to invoke any of these and other libcoded stuff, it's like water off of a duck.

They believe in might makes right. They believe that morality is wholly prescriptive and conveniently always aligned with whatever they want to do. They believe that humans are fundamentally disposable, and increasing human suffering is a valid strategy to "liberation" and worth the cost. They do not respect any ideas or even cultures they do not understand. They have simply rewired their bigoted brains to shift the West, white people, COLONIZERS, etc. to the "bad" pile, and no more nuance is needed. They themselves fly from privilege using whatever labels work best for them, but they do not believe in community or coalition building. It is still us vs. them, and even more basically me vs. you, to them.

(So if you see someone who identifies as a certain minority, and they spend most of their time disparaging other people of that or a similar group... constantly theorycrafting about omnicauses and kyriarchies that just so happen to put themselves at the bottom or at least exempt them from white/male/etc. privilege in some way... they're probably a tankie).

There are terminally online Leftists who have identified as liberal in the past, and they can be reached. We're seeing that as we come closer to a year of this insanity and many individuals and groups have disavowed the Movement, especially in the wake of the Election and how Uncommitted and its allies have been acting.

That's why I believe that most of these people demonstrably hate Democrats more than Republicans. And if you go further with the lobotomy I might even say that they inherently view Republican voters as real Americans, normal, not threatening, but Democrats are a cabal of coastal elites who condescendingly want to put Band-Aids on a broken system. I see how that's more obnoxious and would fill one with rage that there's no good outlet for. But they are colluding with conservatives, and there's no doubt about it.

[secret-life-of-9to5-polyglot]

JLPT D-148 - welcome to my new blogging journey

So, my goal for this 2024 is to pass the JLPT N2 exam in December, so I have created an intensive study plan to tackle all the different areas (hopefully) in an efficient way before the exam date

I have tried two or three times to sit down and study hard to try the JLPT N2, but I always gave up in the end as I haven't been strategic and realistic about my studies

So why is this time different (or at least it will be different) ?

I decided to approach my JLPT studies as if it was my biggest career project of 2024, which kinda true is btw, so I got into project management and treated this new study goal as if I were the big girl boss in the room

LET'S BREAK DOWN THIS JLPT THING TOGETHER OK?

WHY >> why do I want to pass JLPT N2?

Having a piece of paper certifying my level of Japanese

To feel "validated," to prove that my years of study and passion were worth something

Certify I can work with companies who have Japanese clients or partners

DEADLINE >> December 1st 2024 (T . T)

MAIN PROBLEMS >> problematic elements in my daily life that could be obstacles to achieving my goal

Lack of time

Lack of energies

Possible strategies to overcome those problems:

Learn to manage my time better

Learn how to face my procrastination problem

Learn how to manage my energies better

Work on my sense of discipline

SUCCESS CRITERIA >> parameters that indicate positive progress

Improve my success rate during Anki sessions

Improve simulations' total scores

Improve the score of those vocab & kanji exercises that have the same structure of the ones I find on the exam paper MAIN STRUCTURE OF MY STUDY PLAN:

Create all the flashcards on Anki for the vocabulary and kanji in Sou Matome N2 books

Study all the grammar points in TRY! N2 book

Focus on how to tackle in an optimized way the different questions on the test

LOOOOOOTS of simulations of the exam

Anki daily streak

Daily exercises that cover the different parts of the exam

RESOURCES I AM GONNA USE AND THEIR PURPOSE:

Vocabulary & Kanji learning:

It was recommended by the Italki teacher I am taking weekly lessons from, it was the perfect choice for me indeed! I am using these two books mainly as flashcards prep

Grammar:

TRY! N2 is the main resource I use for learning new grammar points and patterns and I tend to compare its explanations with the ones in the　ESSENTIAL JAPANESE EXPRESSIONS GRAMMATICAL POINTS DICTIONARY 

General exercises:

These books are like the step n.2, all about reinforcing my knowledge and getting used to test format

Simulation book:

Planning to make a simulation of the test 2 weeks, this will help with getting used to the tight time available

Now that I have noted down the resources I need to tackle before Dec. 1st, I created an extremely detailed of what I need to get through every day. Of course, it would be hard to keep up with as I am also adapting to a new workplace and getting my life together, so here's why I am also thinking about emergency plans for those days when I don't feel well at all. This is something I will develop on the go, but one of the side quests of this long journey is to also increase my focus time, study stamina, and discipline.

MAIN TIMELINE

Sharing all the extremely detailed plan would be too much, but I have divided these remaining 148 days into two main chunks of practice:

July - August : build the flashcard deck on Anki and study all the grammar points contained in TRY! N2

September - November : exercises

! one element that will be a constant presence in my study plan is doing at least 30 minutes of Anki revision + studying daily

This is more or less the complete overview of how I am going to tackle the JLPT N2 exam, I am feeling very energized and motivated.

Hopefully, I will also be able to update you on a daily basis here. Thank you so so much for your attention <3

[stromuprisahat]

You came here for Ravka. I came here to chain you to my stove.

Siege and Storm- Chapter 18

Skip your duties (that can help feed the country) to watch me be cool doing stuff! Anyone less important would do it for me!

This could've been sweetly melancholic if:

a.) The country they live off weren't collapsing and a few of Alina's lightballs could grant them at least a drop of much needed resources.

b.) Grisha don't get sick... and what has Alina's childhood, adolescence and life in Cofton been like? Malyen truly isn't bothered by it, is he? Either he's an idiot, who didn't connect the dots, and doesn't see it as weird, that Alina HAD been sick for such a long time, or he simply doesn't give a shit.

c.) Other Grisha... if he can't have her as ordinary otkazat'sya, he's willing to settle for ordinary Grisha. As long as she's NOT special, and has plenty of time to focus on him.

d.) As stupid as their party date was, it could've been something to distract Alina from her duties and the pressure put on her. This wouldn't be even spending time WITH Mal, just watching him be the skilled cool guy.

e.) Of course he hates the place that made Alina MORE than him. If it weren't for her time in Little Palace, she wouldn't even think about wanting more than to follow him around like a lost puppy.

Perhaps put some effort in it?

If Mal can so miraculously fit in everywhere, what's stopping him from taking his duties seriously? Not just mope around near Alina, but try to truly become captain of her guards? Learn about strategies and best ways to protect her, exercise and train action with the twins, look for more guards, train them and WITH them, consult Botkin...

Do more than just go where he's invited, act as if he WANTED to PROFESSIONALLY protect Alina instead of playing hero, when others can see it?!

Not to mention he can make himself useful even at those parties. If he does notice nobles hate Grisha, he can at least make a list. They're careless around him, why not listen? Why not consult with Nikolai to learn who they might need?!

He isn't there for Alina, he's there to drag her back into obscurity as soon as an opportunity arises.

Now, that he's doing something FOR Alina, he misses their period of stagnation, when she was slowly killing herself.

He admits it, while caressing her self-mutilation scar aptly representing their relationship.

And here Alina should pull: Never deign to deny. Instead her puritan shame kicks in.

I know Malyen isn't friends with anyone in Os Alta, but if he weren't such a jerk, he could've catch Nikolai for a moment and discuss a strategy. It's not like Kolya doesn't have an interrest in this too. ...and knows how to deal with Court gossip.

I think "We need to discuss what to do about everyone thinking you're a whore." could be added to post-strategy discussions with Alina too. If Malyen can sit in Alina's council AND act like her captain of guard, they deffinitely DO have to spend time together.

If only he'd become interested in reality and its requirements, quit seeing himself as a knight in shining armour, destined to save feeble helpless Alina, and acted according to her actual needs and requirements.

Perhaps sort his priorities differently and instead of bringing up his one-night-stand with Zoya and inviting Alina to make fun of Suli focus on your damn fucking job!

And you didn't read my mind!

And Alina accepts all the blame.

This could be Malyen spiralling. Or simply jumping to another reproach as soon as Alina attempts to address the previous one.

valid concern

digging into Alina's fear of corruption

reminding her right after she chose it (so the stress is really her own doing)

Yup! This is the crux of the matter.

Alina might operate under faulty assumptions, she had to be physically dragged back to Ravka, but eventually she's attempting to DO something.

Malyen saw what the system does to people like him, to his friends... so he decided to pack his gf and bail on it all. And when he finds himself back in the middle of it all, he's simply waiting to drag her away from it again, no matter what SHE wants.

The Collar is temporary, her position of Saint is temporary, her leadership of Second Army too.

They reacted to life-changing events in a way that made them two diametrically opposite people, but Mal's sticking around in hope for Alina's regression. And eventually he gets exactly that for all his trouble.

I'll keep the rest for an extra post since some extra shady bitch is chiming in.