thing about sunny is when you take the stuff they do for each other seriously you start seeing how much they truly care about eachother, they would die and kill for one another, they all have some appalling codependency problems but at the core of it it's all love and care, and i'm enamoured by it bc it shows that you don't have to be perfect or beautiful or have your life all sorted out for someone to care about you, or to take care of someone.
it's like. you see this gang of assholes shunned by society who barely know how to stay afloat and who seemingly hate each other but when you look through the façade you realize there's some deeply fanfic trope level love behaviours in there and you go oh so it doesn't have to be perfect, I don't need to make my life the perfect scenario, to construct beautiful aesthetics or thought out meet-cutes, it's all in the grit of real life. sometimes you spend your days fighting with your best friend but he still peels apples for you and makes you tea, sometimes he offhandedly encourages you to keep trying to read and you don't even have to acknowledge it, but it's there! it's not always the focus point, almost never is, actually, but at the core of it all, it's always present.
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Something I'll never understand is how apple elitists will find ANY excuse to bring up how they have [apple product] and you have [not apple product]
Like that annoying new guy that was in the breakroom and would not shut up (I get you're bored but it's 7am and we don't care), had walked past me and saw how small my phone is. It's not SMALL but it's not like the length and width of my hand, iPhones are like at least 1.5 the size now.
Anyway he was like "damn what kinda phone is that??" (Meaning what iphone is that) *sees the big SAMSUNG on the top "oh you got samsung. But I bet you USED to have an iphone before right?"
Why would you assume that?? That's such a fucking weird thing to say like unprompted to someone. And I was like no??? I've always had androids?? (And LG before smartphones lol) And it's like they always assume you didn't have a choice, and only got an android bc you couldnt get an iphone. Like no I think iPhones are pieces of garbage, I hate the way the app store works, and the only apple products I've ever had were ipod touches. I like being able to choose where my apps go and can download "non-approved" apps and shit. Bitch I CHOSE this phone bc I LIKE it. I only got my other phone (which IS iphone size) bc this one no longer gets service from the network I use. I use this one for everything but calls and texts, and my actual phone-phone for calls, texts, and sometimes youtube. I paid like $100 max for each phone, I ain't paying more than $150 for a phone that's gonna be slowed down by the company I bought it from in a planned obsolescence scheme to get me to drop another $500-$1000+ in a year or two.
But yeah apple superior you're right 🙄
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Today was hard.
Today I had a headache because I had another panic attack last night.
Today I woke up crying because I miss my cat.
Today I looked at my calendar, saw all my commitments, and felt anxious because I carry a heavy load in my daily life and I have been low energy and depressed for months.
Today I looked at my bass and realized I haven't touched it in over a month.
Today I looked at my WIPS and felt guilty for not having the energy or inspiration to write my projects.
Today I looked at my askbox and felt guilty because I haven't been interactive even though I want to be.
Today I wondered why people bother wanting to talk to me.
Today I felt like I let things slip through the cracks in my real life and let people down.
Today I felt alone because I feel guilty trying to talk about my problems, because more often or not I get dismissed, and just put my head back down and go back to work.
Today I felt sad because sometimes I feel like I hold space for others and their emotions, but the same is not often offered in return.
Today I had my first hate anon.
Today I wanted to run away and not come back.
Today I feel guilty for continuing to vent and not be able to get it together.
Today I felt grateful for my friends, but still guilty for not keeping my problems to myself.
Today was hard.
I hope tomorrow will be better.
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