#i don't remember anything about the website

[stitchedcosmos]

Abt the Orcatstra stuff

TLDR: I've looked through their posts as well as others and I can't find any proof they did anything wrong. Orca making NSFW art, saying they don't like a ship and blocking people who like that ship is completely normal and you shouldn't take it personally.

Long ver:

People in the DSAF fandom (mainly Tumblr) are freaking out about a take Orcatstra made on shipping Jack with Harry, Jake and/or Rodger, allegedly harassing people who ship them, one case being running a 14/15-year-old off the website and making NSFW art, mainly gore.

About the ship: I think Orcatstra's take is completely understandable. "Oh but the phone can leave" and "Oh but he treats them well in the Good ending" doesn't matter. At the end of the day, whether he treats them well or not is completely irrelevant. Jack can choose at any time whether they live or die. When he fires them, they get murdered. He has power over them and that is a power imbalance that a lot of people are going to be uncomfortable with. In cases like Dave, Matt, Steven or Henry, if things don't go well between the two, they have the ability to leave with no fear of something bad happening to them. The phones on the other hand, could get fired (die) if they're not on Jack's good side with just a simple phone call. Even if they left, they literally mention Afton Robotics hunting down escaped phone guys and a simple phone call telling AR one's gone rouge is all it takes. Doing this after getting pissed off by them or whatever, is completely in character for Jack to do (especially legacy). People bring up that Jack treats them well in the good ending but how about all the other routes? Especially in the Legacy routes, Jack treats them like shit and actively uses this power imbalance against them on multiple occasions. People bring up Davesport as a retort to this, bringing up how utterly devoted Dave can be, but Dave when treated like this usually fights back or distances himself away from him, neither is something the phones can do without fear of getting killed. At the end of the day, it all comes down to how you headcanon Jack to act, but the power imbalance is definitely enough to put a lot of people off. Also, as a POC myself, I don't think them saying it felt like "Owner x Slave" to them, was racist.

About the blocking: Blocking people is something people are allowed to do for whatever reason they like. If someone posts content you don't like, the normal response most people have is to block them. Whether you feel the block is "deserved" or not, doesn't matter. Hell, sometimes I block people over a single post or comment they make because I simply disagree with it so much. Blocking people is completely okay under literally any circumstance.

About harassment: I have found no proof of this. Seriously. I've looked through multiple people's accounts, including Orca's and have found nothing. I'm even seeing people ask for proof and being told the person has none. the dsaf confessions account keeps getting brought up as proof of someone who got harassed but looking at both their posts and Orca's, from what I've seen, no harassment happened. From what I can tell, all of this is a complete misunderstanding where Orca talking about not liking the account got interpreted as Orca bullying them. If they don't like them and want to post about not liking them, they have the right to do that.

Edit: Just remembered this so I’ll quickly add it now, people are shouting at orca 4 “harassing a minor” but they’re a minor themselves.

About NSFW: They're allowed to draw it. DSAF is an NSFW series and therefore has A LOT of NSFW topics, subjects, scenes and characters in it. If someone wants to draw that, they have the right to. If you don't like it, block them. Some people are saying they should tag their gore art and while I personally agree with that, if they don't want to, they have every right not to. It's their blog and if you don't like it, just block them and move on. "But what if a child sees it" on Tumblr, you can only see what you search up or are personally interested in, a child shouldn't be looking at DSAF-related content in the first place because, again, it is an NSFW series.

Overall, my thoughts on the matter are... *drum roll*

It's not that serious and the block button is free. If you don't like someone, what they're doing, what they're posting, block them. It's that simple and getting blocked doesn't mean anything. This situation, as well as others like it, are making me fear that most of you aren't old enough to even know what DSAF is, let alone be in the fandom.

[squishosaur]

hhhello twst fans. i am dropping these vvv embarrassedly & running for the hills (octatrio family members for my au/event)

[multi-lefaiye]

MAZZAKARR - THE LORD OF SLAUGHTER

HERE WE GOOOOO MAZZY BOY LORE DUMP!!! this isn't all the lore i've come up with for this character and the fictional religion surrounding him, but i figured this is the best general overview i can offer at this time.

CONTENT WARNINGS FOR THE LORE DUMP: child abuse, cannibalism, torture, and murder. all just mentions, but still, tread lightly if any of that bothers you.

art/writing/random lore taglist: @anexor @skitzo-kero @invaderskoodge @vacantgodling @chaieyestea

@albatris @void-botanist @kk7-rbs @moonflowerrss @corvus-rose

@angsty-prompt-hole @astral-runic @paradoxspir1t

--

(also, a lot of specific terminology and locations mentioned here are related to locations in d&d, but you don't need to know those to understand this i think)

Names / Titles. Mazzakarr, The Apex Predator, The Lord of Slaughter, The Master of the Hunt, The Father (many variations of these titles are acceptable)

Pronouns. He/Him

Domains. Death, Strength, Bestial, Blood

Home Plane. Mazzakarr is a prisoner in Carceri, specifically in the realm of Cathrys. Once, however, he was a spirit of the Beastlands.

Alignment. Neutral Evil.

Visage. Mazzakarr is a tall, broad being with a strongman’s physique, built of powerful muscle cushioned by body fat. He has burning hot, green-tinted skin and thick patches of dark brown fur on his body, including a mane down his back. Most strikingly, he has the head of a spotted hyena, with four glowing red slits for eyes and a grin full of jagged teeth. He wears no armor and minimal clothing, often just a pair of black trousers and heavy, adamantine-toed boots. As a prisoner in Carceri, Mazzakarr wears an enchanted metal collar around his neck, and a pair of gauntlets disguising the cuffs around his wrists. Though the chains holding him in place are invisible to mortals, he feels their presence weighing him down all the same.

Voice. Mazzakarr’s voice is a deep, booming growl, with a strangely melodic quality despite his animalistic demeanor and appearance. Many of those who hear his voice whispering to them say that it sounds almost like a lullaby, the Apex Predator’s song lulling them to embrace the ways of slaughter. Like the hyenas that share his face, however, Mazzakarr has a very distinct laugh, which echoes around the jungles of Cathrys as he stalks his prey.

Commandments / Tenets.

Fight for survival, and never allow yourself to grow complacent with what you have.

Cull and consume the weak-willed who do not fight for themselves. Only the strong must survive.

Kill or be killed. Adapt or die. Move forward or fall behind.

The First Hunter. Though his name has been lost to history, an important piece of mythos for Mazzakarrans is that of the First Hunter, the first mortal to hear the whispers of Mazzakarr and embrace the spirit of slaughter. He was a mere civilian lost in a hopeless, endless war, who had lost everything he had to an invading army. Before they could kill him, however, he fled from them, and for three days and three nights, they chased him through the wilds.

Then, one night, as the Hunter struggled to stay awake, terrified of being found and killed by those searching for him, he heard the voice of the Apex Predator.

If you want to survive, you must kill them before they kill you, Mazzakarr whispered to him. Devour those who would stand against you. Take what is yours. Fight, and you will escape.

And the First Hunter listened. When daybreak came, his pursuers found him, and he slaughtered them one by one. And then, he devoured them entirely--mind, body, and soul.

After the war finally came to an end, the First Hunter continued to spread the word of Mazzakarr, encouraging others to accept the spirit of slaughter into their hearts. Many modern Mazzakarrans see him as a prophet-like figure, the first follower of their god.

The Blood-Kin. Of Mazzakarr’s most devoted followers, none compare to the blood-kin, those chosen to share his blood and become his prophets.

At a very young age, the prospective blood-kin are selected to be taken and raised by acolytes of Mazzakarr to embrace his ideals. Each child is assigned one dedicated caretaker, who raises them in isolation from each other. It is this caretaker’s responsibility to feed and nurture the blood-kin, all the while training them to fight, to struggle, and to remain loyal to their Father, the lord of slaughter himself.

At some point in the prospective blood-kin’s youth, whenever they are ready to ascend, their caretaker will try to kill them. If they succeed in killing their caretaker to save themself, they earn the right to ascend and become one of Mazzakarr’s chosen. If they fail, they die, and their corpse is discarded to rot.

After proving themself, the prospective blood-kin is taken to the High Temple, where the ritual to bind them to their god is performed. The exact steps are kept a tight-lipped secret, but the blood-kin is to remain conscious and aware as their body is broken and reshaped by the high priests, and as Mazzakarr’s essence enters their blood.

If they survive, from that day on, they are Mazzakarr’s blood-kin. All that’s left is to choose their weapon.

As soon as the blood-kin is able to stand following the ritual, they are led to a secluded chamber, where they are presented with a wide selection of weapons from which to choose. They have only a moment to consider their choices, however, before another Mazzakarran attacks them.

Whatever weapon they instinctively grab for to defend themself is theirs from that day forward.

The Blood-Kin Trials. Once the blood-kin have ascended and claimed their place as one of Mazzakarr’s most faithful, the real trial begins. For the god of strength through hardship would never simply grant someone the title of prophet, regardless of what they suffered to achieve the rank. No, they must fight for his favor.

After their ascension, the blood-kin begin a lifelong manhunt of each other. They are compelled to hunt and kill each other, to cull the unworthy who do not have the strength to carry their Father’s blood. This is their life’s purpose, what every other trial they’ve passed has been building toward.

For the most part, anything goes when it comes to the blood-kin hunting each other. They are permitted to do nearly whatever it takes to hunt and kill their “siblings.”

There are only a few rules they must follow when hunting each other, so as not to draw Mazzakarr’s ire:

A blood-kin can only be killed by another blood-kin--they cannot seek outsiders’ aid in slaughtering each other.

They cannot fight each other in the high temple; only slaughters approved by Mazzakarr himself may take place in this holiest place.

When a blood-kin is killed, their unworthy blood must be spilled, and whatever their killer chooses not to eat must be left to rot.

When there are only two blood-kin left alive, they are compelled by Mazzakarr to return to the High Temple, where they will duel to the death under the watchful gaze of their Father. Whichever one wins will then become his sole prophet, having earned the title through the slaughter of their kin.

Origins and Ascension. All Mazzakarrans are taught the story of Mazzakarr’s rise to godhood. For he did not start his existence as a god.

Many lifetimes ago, he was one of two sons of a nature deity known as Kozmas, the goddess of the hunt and the endless cycle of life and death, of predator and prey. She created her sons to represent two sides of the same coin, two different perspectives on survival in a harsh wild.

One was to represent the lone hunter, the solitary creature relying on only its own strength to survive; the other, meanwhile, was to represent the pack hunter, relying on a community of its kind and working together.

The younger son, the spirit of the lone hunter, would one day become Mazzakarr. And so, for many lifetimes, the brothers shared the wilds, dutifully following their mother’s words and watching over the many beasts of the world.

Even in his early years, the younger son was very clever, and he recognized his own strength compared to that of his brother, who was much more passive and agreeable. The lone hunter thought it redundant to have two sons, when one would have done the job just fine. It was short-sighted of their mother to create them both.

He explained all of this to the pack hunter, and the eldest son understood. Only one of them was needed to watch over the world’s creatures. And so, he gave himself to his brother, and the would-be Mazzakarr devoured him--mind, body, and soul--until there was nothing left.

With this fratricide, two souls became one, and Mazzakarr was born. He ascended to godhood, almost surpassing even his mother. And with this ascension came an all-consuming hunger, a desperate need for bloodshed and death.

Kozmas saw what had become of her sons, and she was left furious and grieving, at least as much as a god is able to feel such emotions. She was unwilling to accept Mazzakarr’s ascension, and she cast him out of the Beastlands. He was no longer her son, but a savage wearing his skin.

For the sin of murdering his brother, Kozmas confined Mazzakarr to Carceri, sentencing him to an eternity of prowling the Scarlet Jungles of Cathrys. If he was so hungry for death, he could sharpen his claws on the mortal sinners condemned to his new realm. But he would never again see the hunting grounds he once called home.

Many, many years passed, and slowly, Mazzakarr grew in power and notoriety. Soon, he came to reign over Cathrys, becoming a king rather than a mere prisoner. And as his power grew, so did his hunger for more and more of it.

And so, Mazzakarr turned his hungry gaze to the material plane.

The Devoured God. Mazzakarr’s brother’s name is lost to history, and in Mazzakarran holy texts he is only referred to as The Devoured God. In much older times, the Devoured God had followers of his own in the material plane, those who revered him and the sense of community he fostered among his disciples.

Following Mazzakarr’s ascension, his followers nearly wiped out those of the Devoured God’s, erasing all records of him and killing those who believed him. To this day, the followers of the Devoured God have yet to return, as far as anyone is aware.

Freedom From Carceri. Mazzakarr’s ultimate goal is to free himself from Carceri and to enter the material plane. Everything he does with the cult of Mazzakarranism brings him one step closer to freedom.

And when he is free, he will drown the material plane in its own blood, and remake it as he sees fit.

[pyrosomatic-metamorphosis]

people can use this site however they want but there's something almost- idk, sad? about how few people are actually using their blogs. you can turn themes on and have skeletons dancing in the background. you can make everything hot pink. your blog is your scrapbook and you can put whatever you want in there. tags are okay at organizing things so you can have just a whole archive of cool shit to look at later. i know people complain a lot about people liking stuff about reblogging for engagement, and on one hand i get that- it is WILD to see a drawing i spent hours on get only 12 reblogs and 60 likes. Absolute culture shock compared to my previous fandoms. but i don't think you should reblog anything to make artists happy. i think you should reblog things so you can find them again. i think you should queue things to appear on the dash at specific times on certain days. i think you should reblog things so when you're talking to your friends about xyz post you saw you can look in your blog's archive and find it again. i think you should reblog things so that your dash is filled with one really sleepy cat. with the loss of reblogs there's the loss of engagement, which Does hurt the community-focus that makes tumblr so appealing, but idk i just wish people were more excited about the incredible amount of customization that tumblr allows and took advantage of that more

[nedsseveredhead]

Thank you to my cat for coming into my life when I was hurting and not sure I was ready to move on, and for forcing her way into the cracks of my heart- as cats do. Thank you to my cat for loving me. I will never be able to repay what you've given me, but I will scratch your ears whenever you want.

[the-punforgiven]

Man Idk why this just came back to mind but I remember when I was in grade 5 I took a class on game development at the local college (idk how the fuck I was allowed in there lol) and the only thing I remember was my instructor having absolutely no idea how to program a combat system at all

I asked him how to program like, attacks and health bars and shit and he just told me point blank "I don't know."

I was just like "ah fair enough" and just never questioned it, but like, in hindsight that feels kinda weird though tbh

[allegorism]

every single pmmm enjoyer that i've ever met has been insufferable. the inferiority complex they feel w media like utena or sailor moon is just laughable.

[l0stw00d]

genuinely Fascinated by the decisions websites make around their content guidelines btw. checked out a new character site and their guidelines are so? bizarre.

no hard drug use except weed (and only if they're over 18). nothing sexual or suggestive or revealing (including minors (which they specify in particular?)). no nipples regarless of gender (in the interest of inclusivity).

another site took a look at has a fully fleshed out terms and conditions page, but uses a google doc for their content guidelines? it's still pretty thorough, but what a Wild Fucking Decision to make.

there are a whole pile of character websites out there and most of them are Not Great in one way or another. but browsing them sure makes you appreciate the flexibility some of them afford you lmao

[hexastitchimera]

Genuine observation, no sass and no disrespect, but being someone who is chronically OFFline & an active volunteer/activist for over a decade, and seeing what people say is "crucial discourse" online is... Quite the trip, honestly.

[methamphetatitties]

Im seeing a lot of people compare the crowdstrike outage to Y2K, but that's only half the story. The amount of disruption is what we expected out of y2k, but the technical issues are vastly different. What was going to happen with Y2K wasn't a bad update or coding error or anything, but a fundamental problem with the code language itself, basically. The timekeeping system was written in lile the early 70s and the time keeping system was not able to compute anything past midnight on January 1st 2000, and would instead revert back to 1901. To this day, many people believe that Y2K was a hoax because when the clock struck, nothing happened.

BUT

The only reason nothing happened is because many people pulled an ungodly amount of overtime to fix this before that date. In fact, they had to bring some people out of retirement to help because the system ran on the COBOL language and almost every IT person in the 90s did not know this language anymore. And in 2038, it may happen again if no one does anything about it.

I know many of the people on this website either don't remember or weren't alive for Y2K so I just thought it would be a fun little history lesson about computers.

Further reading:

[hexiva]

Roleplay Is Not Dead Nor Doth It Sleep

There's a post going around about how text-based, freeform roleplay is dead, and I was typing up a huge response to this, with an accompanying guide on how to find roleplayer in 2024, when I realized it might have a bigger reach if I made it its own post. So here's that guide.

I hesitate to say that there isn't a problem with the new format of social media making roleplay more difficult to find, but in the desire to make that point, the OP of the original post has left people with the idea that there's no way for them to get into freeform text roleplay in 2024. Which just isn't true! Here, look at all the ways.

Forums

The link to RPG-Directory to find roleplaying forums is a good start. Once you've found a forum RPG, even if you don't join, there's usually an 'advertising' section on that forum where other forum RPGs post their ads - this may help you to find forums that don't advertise on RPG-D.

Another really good forum to find roleplay on is Barbermonger. Barbermonger is focused on connecting people for one-on-one roleplays.

This last one's going to be weird, but it turns out that there are still people seeking roleplay on the Gaia Online forums after all these years. I think this is delightfully retro and then crowd there seems a little older than average. No pre-existing knowledge of Gaia required.

Tumblr

You can also find forum roleplay groups (as well as tumblr and Discord groups) right here on Tumblr. Usually, the thing to do is to use the search function - search for "[genre] rp" or "[fandom] rp" and sort by "latest." (If you sort by Top, you are likely to find dead RPs.) For example, here's fantasy rp, historical rp, and marvel rp. You can also try jcink rp, as most roleplay forums are hosted on Jcink these days, or discord rp, depending on your favored platform.

There are also tumblr blogs specifically dedicated to advertising roleplays. I'm not super familiar with these nowadays, but just in the process of searching those tags above, I found these:

Jcink Tinder

RPG Adverts

RPings

There are more, I just don't know them off the top of my head.

Reddit

Listen, don't run away, I swear it's good now - I swear Reddit is good now -

Reddit is a good place to find Discord roleplays. It's a little heavier on smut-only roleplays than other platforms mentioned here, but it's not impossible to find sexless, plot-based roleplay here either. Most ads are for one on one RP, but you can find groups mixed in here too. The big subreddits for text-based freeform RP seem to be:

r/DiscordRP

r/RoleplayPartnerSearch

r/roleplaying

r/Roleplay

Some of these have weird rules about what you can put in your ad, and I don't remember which ones, so read carefully and don't get discouraged if your ad is initially removed.

Discord

In 2024, Discord is by far the biggest and most popular platform for roleplay, and it has its own native roleplay advertising hubs. Here are a bunch:

roleplay partner hub

Rockin Roleplay

The Roleplay Garden

roleplay help

the roleplay connection

RP Central

Roleplay Central

Roleplay Hub

Barbermonger also has a Discord server

Roleplay Meets: Reborn

RP Hub

The Scribes Guild

DM Rp Village

cherry blossom! roleplay hub

DM-RP

Roleplay Round Table (21+)

The Historical Syndicate (specifically for historical roleplay)

The Roleplayer's Directory

If you can't find the Discord roleplay you want on here, you can also try Discord hub websites, like Disboard. These work similar to tumblr tags - search for [genre] rp or [fandom] rp.

Other

The original post specifically mentions that 'all the old "omegle but for role play" type websites died out ages ago'. This is mostly true, but not quite! There's still Rolechat. It's a little janky, but what it needs more than anything is a bigger user base. Their Discord server is also a good place to find one on one discord roleplay. It is, of course, free, but if you want to support its development, they have a patreon.

Please reblog this post, and add your own tips on how to find roleplay!

[kichoukotori]

Several years ago I briefly worked in the warehouse of a nondescript extremely large e-commerce company. I had no other options for employment but desperately needed money. Turnover was like 150%. I worked from something like 7pm to 5am, my commute was 50 minutes each way and before I got paid I didn't even have the cash for enough gas to get home one night and had to bum $10 off of my kid sibling (this is all to give you an idea of my abysmal mental state while employed here.) You're not allowed to do anything besides your job, no music or anything and they track your movement on cameras so you can't even take a breather. The job is real monotonous, you get sent boxes of items of random sizes and you have to put the items into shelves of varying sizes and the shelves come to you, you don't walk to them. Because the company tracks the rate at which you put items on these shelves, many small items are desirable because you can put a lot of them in quickly. Everything about the place seems almost designed intentionally to break you mentally and turn you into a robot. So I'm about 6 or 7 hours into my shift, feeling on the verge of a mental collapse, and up comes a container with a bunch of small white boxes, bout half the size of a deck of cards. No labels. Great, I'm already happy about whatever these things are. So I go to scan them in, and it gives you the name of the item and a little picture. Sasuke Penis Costume. What? Sasuke Penis Costume. A picture of that red cloud robe from Naruto and one of the headbands with the metal plate on it. I'm thinking, there's no way. What is a penis costume? Am I hallucinating this? And there's so many of them, literally about a hundred, and I know I'm going to be spending at least an hour with Sasuke Penis Costume, there's so many and they're so small, I'm already excited about the potential efficiency of these, and then I see it's Sasuke Penis Costume? So the entire shift I'm like, trying to not put these things away too quick, because honestly I'm starting to build a kind of kinship with them. This is quite literally the most exciting thing to happen to me during my whole 2 week employment at the warehouse. I started to see Sasuke Penis Costume as a friend, some reminder of the outside world, a reminder of the humanity I was becoming so unfamiliar with, a reminder the world contained comedy, art, anime, and penis. I really couldn't tell you if I ended up putting all of them away, the last thing I remember is my desperate need to look these items up when I got home. I needed a link to send to my friends for when I told them this riveting story. I learned that the costume is called the Akatsuki cloak in my fervent search for the item, and wouldn't you know it, absolutely zero trace of these things exists online. Not on the e-commerce website, not on any specialized penis-costume websites (whose existence I was not privvy to prior to this incident) and no third-party retailer has these. Not even Google images will show me the hypothetical existence of Sasuke Penis Costume. Every few months I look it up, trying to find evidence that it can be bought, that any of this was ever real. My bond, my friendship, and dare I say even love for Sasuke Penis Costume feels as tangible as the boxes they came in, and yet the universe will give me no closure of their fate. Less and less frequently I search for them, each time becoming more and more discouraged that I will ever find them, but unlike their substance on this earth, one thing is inarguably certain. Sasuke Penis Costume exists to me, and it will live on firmly and resolutely within my memory and within my heart.

[clovercacti]

I remember you. You know, from the dmmd days. I know.

this is really funny bc i never actually got into dmmd??? 😭

[vraska-theunseen]

goncharov was so funny and great and i will never ever pretend it's not. i just woke up one day and people were posting about it and it was hilarious it was a completely made up movie and all the lore and stuff was so good. the academic texts for it were some of my favorite stuff but just the incredible art and random posts about it too. and not every post was a banger some posts went in too specific or didn't land obviously it petered out but there were so many good ones and it lasted for days and it was so funny and special and i was telling people about this at dinner and parties and then it broke containment and there were articles and people on twitter being like "they... made up a fake martin scorsese movie based on shoes" and it RULED!!! it was such a phenomenon im smiling just remembering it it was so cohesive and fun. ​feel like nothings overtaken this website in a while and well i don't think anything like that will organically happen again but it was so great

[obscurevideogames]

Tumblr’s Core Prodct Stratgy

Here at Tumblr, we’ve been working hard on trying to keep our sinking ship afloat for as long as possible. This means desperately trying to copy every new fly-by-night social media app that some multi-billionaire sh*t out during their daily Peloton routine. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. If you find the things we say here worrisome, please understand that is our exact intention. You've outgrown our target demographic. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

The Diagnosis

It's lookin' pretty bad y'all!

After somehow losing hundreds of thousands of users during the great pr0n purge of 2018, we started to wonder if anything could be done to get back to where we were. We even brought in a management consultant who charged us a ridiculous amount of money. It would make you sick if you knew how much, but we got a few nice meals out of it at least. Anyhow, we handed this guy the app, and HE HAD NO IDEA HOW TO USE IT! It was f*cking hilarious! But suddenly it all clicked -- our users are a bunch of stupid idiots who can't even do basic arithmetic. I mean, they spend all day looking at their phones, so what do you expect?

Tumblr’s best feature is its unique content and vibrant communities. But who cares, right? We're just as happy getting traffic from people sh*t-posting memes, vague-booking, giving out-of-context hot takes to news events, and spewing whatever random thought is in their head at the moment. Plus that stuff doesn't p*ss off Apple.

To keep this thing going we need new people. And by "people" we mean teenagers, like we used to have back in the good ol' days. Unfortunately we're all in our 40s now, so we have no idea what they want. But teenagers are so cool! Imagine if they talked to us like we're one of them? We're getting hard just thinking about it.

Our Guidng Principls

To make Tumblr cool again, we must address these huge glaring issues.

People can look at a blog without logging in. How is that fair to all the poor schlubs who had to fill out forms to get an account? Also we haven't figured out a way to force ads onto the personalized pages yet. But we swear that's not the main reason.

People can see content they are looking for or linked to. People can keep up with blogs they follow. But the problem with this is, people don't know what they want. We know what they want! We're smart. We wrote this damn site, remember?

Promote posts that incite pointless conversations. Posts that are guaranteed to bait every troll into responding. Isn't that why all your Magat relatives love Facebook so much? We can do that!

P*ss off your content creators in every way possible (see #2).

Create algorithms that throw an unending barrage of irrelevant content in your face. Have you seen Instagram lately? We could do that so easy!!!

The app is slow. The website is slow. Obviously this is because of GIFs. Facebook and Instagram don't allow them, so why should we?

Conclusion

Our mission changes on a day-to-day basis. Right now we're super jealous of all the attention that new Threads thing is getting. We're still not sure what it is, but we're gonna download it after work.

[hippo-pot]

audiobook recommendations?