#i dont hear him but probably passive influence

[system-of-a-feather]

Some Anecdotal Debunking Things About DID Treatment and DID in General

So we're thinking of possibly taking a VOLUNTARY break from therapy as we swap insurances, pick up a new job, open a new part in life etc due to it being an additional complication and we have gotten to a place in healing where we are not as dependent on regular professional support (though we do intend to return when settled to work through a few more things)

And while I know its no where compared to how long some others have been in it, after 7 years of weekly / biweekly therapy and 5 years of DID specialist therapist who explicitly worked with the FBI that helped victims from trafficking cases (luckily not us) just some straight up things about DID that I see non-DID people saying especially on a certain other website that starts with r and ends int t.

Thought it would be a fun thing to do while biking and before studying.

DISCLAIMER: This is based on my experience in healing and working with my therapist. My answers are not the only experience. This is 100% anecdotal. I don't think this will get big enough for me to need to say this, but do not use this post as evidence for literally anything.

"DID isn't having a bunch of friends in your head talking and making jokes and waiting for turns!"

Eh, usually not but why can't it be? Like it takes time and work but people without DID can sit in their head and make jokes at themselves and have fun with themselves. Why is it so outlandish that someone with DID could eventually be happy enough with themselves to get that? Cause tbh, its a lot of how thing are now for us so...

"DID is due to severe and horrific childhood trauma! There can't be this many people who experienced that!"

Oh how I WISH I had your naivety.

"No therapist would just acknowledge something! They would always diagnose! If they don't diagnose you don't have it."

Nah they do. Sometimes its not the main or relevant concern to diagnose (as DID is the primary diagnosis) and other times the diagnosis itself is stigmatizing and/or not the strongest in its construct (a lot of personality disorders) or most of the symptoms of that disorder are mostly covered by other disorders; or just straight up they don't like to diagnose those disorders for a number of clinical reasons. Also, sometimes people are undiagnosable which does not mean "does not have" but that their specific case makes it impossible to create a certain diagnostic differential as it is unclear which came first. We are undiagnosable for autism as we have had an autism and trauma specialist both say we behave and appear very autistic however we have too few overt dysfunctions so it is unsure if we "learned it" from the two family members we have + have OCD, OCPD and PTSD or if we are just a well-adjusted / adapted individual. Either way, it would hardly be a relevant diagnosis, so no therapist finds value in trying to spend time getting the the core of it.

"You can't switch on command!"

Yes but no. You can learn to be really good at switching and drawing parts out but there will always be a margin of error cause shit be like that.

"You can't have two alters talking at the same time at the front! You can't rapid switch"

Yeah nah, we've had four it's chill. Welcome to lessening dissociative barriers.

"You can't split alters after childhood"

the fuck you on about of course you can life sucks after childhood too dumbass

"Introjects / Fictional Introjects aren't real!"

Nah. *sips drink in introject*

"Animal alters aren't real! Inanimate object alters aren't real!"

Nah. Our therapist has seen dragons and zombies and werewolves, we had even specifically mentioned this. They're pretty darn common.

"Why are all their alters QUEER?"

Have you considered.... that they might be queer? Just a thought.

"If you had DID people would know! It would be obvious!"

Nope.

"If you had DID no one would know! It would be covert!"

Also nope.

"A GOOD therapist would not let you operate as different parts! They wouldn't feed into the delusion! They'd have you fuse"

Wow, I didn't know forcing your patient to do anything is the HALLMARK of a good therapist, thanks for letting me know. /s

"DID is a life altering disorder! It would ruin your life! You would be unable to do anything!"

Uhhhh no. That's just infantilizing and honestly a really negative / problematic thing to say about anyone with mental illness. Thats the shit that perpetuates the "this mentally ill person should be institutionalized 24/7

"People with DID can't drive!"

Partially true. A lot of people with DID can struggle with driving, but plenty can navigate that.

"Parts can't talk to one another! Parts don't know about eachother! Parts dont know / talk / do XYZ"

Nope. Just that shits all dumb ngl get your head out of your ass.

"People with DID would hate having parts! People with DID would not actually identify as multiple people! People with DID would be chronically miserable!"

Bro stop. Not true.

"People with DID would ALWAYS identify as multiple people. People with DID would LOVE having parts"

Not as common of a thing I've heard but also not true

"Befriending and sharing your experiences / being overt with your DID expression is only harmful and only worsening the condition."

Nah a large part of DID recovery is learning about your disorder and the parts you have to navigate life with and realistically it is very difficult to hide this disorder from people who are permanent parts in your life so a lot of the time - at least with your close personnel - it's very important to be open and communicative about it and leave space for all parts to exist as they wish.

"You can't have THAT many disorders"

Have you read about how badly chronic childhood stress fucks up the body and brain? People with DID tend to have a fucking essay worth of diagnoses. Chronic childhood traumatic stress is extremely damaging and taxing.

That's all for now cause I need to get to studying but just a few. Maybe Ill add more as I think of more stupid things I've heard.

EDIT: one more important one

"XYZ trauma isn't real! This is all just the Satanic Panic! False Memories! Iatrogenic! XYZ trauma is fake! RAMCOA isn't real!"

You are a mother fucking little bitchy asshole huh. Who the fuck do you think you are? Please refer to fucking #2 and I wish I had your naivety

[zeldasnotes]

Can you describe Venus Square Ascendant? ❤️

Venus Square Ascendant 🪞

This placement is hard since most times it means you are not your own type. So no matter how good you look its not good enough. From what Ive seen this aspect indicates a life long struggle with the physical appearance and with relationships. This placement makes it very hard to see yourself as good looking. For example someone with a Leo Venus and Scorpio Rising might want that sunny beach confident happy look with the feline features, but instead they look mysterious with a more sultry and intimidating look & bedroom eyes. Others will find this mysterious scorpio look super sexy BUT it doesnt matter because thats not the look they wanted. No matter how sexy the scorpio look is they dont see it because they are focused on the Leo look.

This is something these people feel from an early age. Something doesnt feel right when they look in the mirror. They nitpick and can become extremely shallow, superficial and fixated. You might find these people infront of the mirror A LOT, especially during puberty. A lot of them have a certain feature they especially hate on.

A lot of these people will eventually feel so insecure they start to nitpick others. They analyze other peoples appearance as a defend mechanism. Who can find the most flaws on the other? This makes them very competetive even tho the more passive people with this aspect will never show it. They become judgmental and you will often hear them comment on how others looks.

To feel beautiful they can become obsessed with status, the right clothes, knowing the right people, followers etc to make up for how they feel. You will find a lot of influencers with this aspect. To make up for how unattractive they feel they need to make sure others find them attractive. Ive even seen cases where women with this aspect will do very mean things to other women to one up them.

Having the right makeup, skincare, clothes etc. Anything to show others ”look at me, I look good”. This can lead to a horrible shopping addiction. They want the most expensive routine, the latest clothes, the most expensive schampoo and conditioner. They need to feel beautiful. Some of them will become the complete opposite tho, completely abandoning themselves. No makeup, never buys new clothes, no self care. They dont even want to try.

When it comes to dating a lot of them want either a partner whos less than them to feel good or a partner whos waaaay out of their league to prove ”look i can get her/him”. They want to be liked by attractive people because that makes them feel attractive. A lot of them find a guy who got ”a thing” for something they got to feel good. In worst case even a fetish. I know someone with this aspect and her boyfriend loves long hair. She loves to remind everyone about that, especially people with short hair lol. ”My boyfriend dont want be to cut my hair bc then its too short for him” Lol your boyfriend never said that. She does this to draw focus from her insecurities.

For women especially with this aspect female friendships can be hard because these people have the habit of making mean comments or just be fixated on other womens looks. They might want to be surrounded by friends who look less good.The envy is strong with this placement. Especially towards the women who look like they want to look. They have a love hate relationship to the people who got the look theh my want. One part of them feels this silent hate and envy while the other cant help but be fascinated. They feel a strong need to be in some kind of contact with the women they find beautiful either through becoming friends with them or by having beef with them. This can be a real ”keep your friends close and your enemies closer” placement.

These people are usually social and probably well known where they live. Image is very important for them. They feel a need to look good even going to the corner store. They know a lot of people and have a very active social life. They are usually ambitious and care a lot about having money. Physically the Square here can give kind of a harsh & intimidating look.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hi! Feel free to ignore this if you want to. But I've been questioning if I(we?) may be a system.

I'm pretty sure I have a lot of trauma[especially from a young age], and most of my life is blocked out. I also just struggle with memory in general.

I hear voices, whenever they aren't talking to me it's very muffled, but I can understand them when they're talking to me. I also know some things about them such as names, ages, and vaguely what they look like.

I don't switch[or at least I dont think I do], but I do seem to experience passive influence. It mainly happens when I experience extreme anger, I do stuff but whenever I look back it never seems like me. And one of the voices seems to take responsibility for it.

I also feel like a parent or older sibling to these voices. Along with feeling like I'm older then the body I'm in.

I'm really just confused here, I'm trying my best to research everything but it's hard to understand sometimes.

hey there -

our host is co-conscious right now, and isn’t really capable of adding to this response. however, we feel it’s safe to say that our syscovery started out quite similarly to how you’re describing yourself. our host could hear different voices in his mind, many with different names, ages, and preferences. the voices sounded fuzzy and unclear unless he focused to try and pick out what was being said.

to be fair, our host also didn’t think he ever switched when we were first learning more about our system. since then, we’ve realized that just because our host is capable of seeing and hearing the world around him, doesn’t necessarily mean he’s always the one interacting with it. the more we learned about our system, the easier it has become to realize when a switch has taken place, and to recognize what a switch looks like for our system.

our did is covert. to outsiders, we very well may seem and appear as a singlet. our switches are subtle, and those who don’t know us would likely not suspect that we’re a system at all. having covert switches and masking all the time means it took a long time of self-reflection and questioning ourselves to understand that we were switching at all!

at this point, we’ve had time to get to know each other and have been working a lot on our internal communication. as we talk to each other, it’s gotten much easier to determine who’s actually fronting at any given point in time.

we’d definitely recommend checking out our resource post for questioning systems. if you suspect you have a trauma history, it would probably be wise to look into and research dissociative disorders. also, if you’re in therapy, it would probably be a good idea to bring up your concerns in a future session.

here’s the post:

there’s tons of resources in that post, and we’re continuing to update it as we find more. hopefully this can help set you on the right track with learning more about yourself.

remember it’s okay to question plurality or systemhood, even if it turns out you’re not actually plural. it’s okay to question, and it’s okay to try and learn more about yourself! questioning plurality doesn’t really harm anyone, and if it turns out you were wrong, that is totally fine.

we hope you’re able to find the peace, support, and resources that you need, anon. best of luck to you with everything.

🐢 kip and 🖋 cecil

[frankiistein]

one thing that i hope would get addressed in the future more is how bon (and bien) affect the relationship media and jacques have, considering b4 they were officially together they obviously disagreed on how to go about taking care of the two, w/ media pretty much just being flat out abusive (and while jacques was indisputably better it seems implied he was only better relative to media, not that he is actually a good parent)

ch6 in particular with bon and their ptsd flashback/vision thingy:

rpp l*ves this sort of vague "is this a dream? a memory? an alternate timeline? who knows!" scenes but imo the best way to interpret this is definitely a traumatic flashback that got triggered by the margibird harassing them

media is shown as being more sinister ofc, and the way he smiles in images w/ bon is noticably different from the more genuinely pleasant way he smiles around jacques, compared to jacques who in bons memories looks more passive relative to media, and in that second image clearly miserable

the thing is, if this is based on bons perception of things, its worth to note that jacques is even in these memories at all-although jacques is the "better" parent it does seem that to an extent bon associates him with the abuse they went through even if they dont necessarily blame him for it (altho i wouldnt be surprised if they did, even if only with some hesitation, bcuz in the end proj maldevaran wasnt even started by media, it was jacques idea)

idk if its intentional symbolism but the way jacques is smaller and further away inside the picture in that second one most likely is meant to symbolize medias greater influence in their previous home life over him but i wonder if it also symbolizes how compared to the beginning (the first picture) as time went on jacques became more neglectful and distant from bon, leaving them to fend for themselves to the marginals out of his own fear or passiveness

i think i posted about it in an older post b4 that their conversation in i1 hints to it, that bon resent jacques somewhat even if they dont rly hate him, or at least jacques believes bon resents him, and i can only think of his question if bon forgives him to be about two things (probably both at once) the first is obviously his role in proj-maldevaran, the second might be the fact that jacques willingly stays with media knowing what kind of person he was/is

also, even tho media had his self proclaimed "redemption arc" when he sent the cake for biens birthday, honestly the shitty haphazard cake (written in ink no less) coupled with the fact that media can literally poof things into existence and would have no problem just making, u kno, a decent cake does imply even tho he seems better than he used to he does have low opinions of bon in general

marginals r said to canonically hate the other immortals, even each other, but actually now that i think about it i wonder if marginals dislike demons in particular bcuz marginals r dead universes

the real meaning of the margibird monologue is smthng that isnt confirmed yet afaik but just based on what we know this is likely something reflecting the marginals belief about bon/demons, considering its talking about things that persist after a demon causes the apocalypse and kills the whole universe (aka marginals)

personally bcuz this monologue triggers bon to think particularly abt media this might even be smthng media said that the bird just repeats. altho this margibird came from curators gallery, idk if its supposed to mean its from curators world or w/e? i think this might be smthng media says during one of the experiments done on bon, which we know media, curator and security did together so maybe curator just remembers hearing it. it could be from curator herself too but i find that less likely just bcuz bons memories of their trauma centers so much around media and theres enough in the siu mv that implies curator might have been the only marginal who actually had some level of care for them

all that said i think its likely media just doesnt like demons bcuz demons kill universes and the marginals dont rly... like being dead lmaooo??

well anyway back to my original point i think theres probs some tension between media and jacques regarding their past w/ bon, and i wonder if part of why jacques feels so ambivalent around media is the realization that the reality of his childhood idol "evil monster" crush being an evil monster means he likes fucking over mentally ill kids

[korships]

distraction ask! if your ultimate + main f/os swapped roles, who would end up in what universe and how would it go? are theres any characters in the universe they get along with well or dislike? and among your ultimate and mains, who fell in love first and who confessed first?

this is gonna be long. not sure if you meant straight up like switching roles/backstories or just kinda like au so theres a mix. will do all the love/confession ones separately from the au/role switch. doin 2 of the au/role-switch for the first 2 but everyone else gets one cus this is so long

also if anyone searching a series/character sees this, it is selfship au cringe stuff just block if u dont wanna see it

omi first

- puttin him in the hypmic universe would be something. he’s not particularly shy & isnt scared of performing in front of others, until he hears the term “rap battle”, then he starts feeling nervous about performing in front of an audience. if he will be performing with mtc in place of rio, he’ll look the part, but acting the part or filling rios shoes is a whole different story. if he were to take on rios backstory, i actually see it as somewhat believable, but he would absolutely hate living the survival lifestyle, would get seriously lonely after like 8 hrs alone in the woods. would probably get along well with bb, since he’s good at dealing with rowdy teens, would get a long w/ bat for a similar reason. might be able to get along with the other 2 members of mtc after a grace period, he often deals with two people in his own group who butt heads in both universes, has the patience to put up with it. doesnt necessarily dislike anyone, but has people he finds it more difficult to get along with, the hifumi & doppo duo intimidate him a bit.

- i think gbf would also be a fun place to speculate him inhabiting. especially if he were to trade places with seofon. i dont think he has it in him to be as cunning as seofon, but i do see him being able to be an extremely capable warrior capable of being called an eternal. he led a gang of his own in a3, but despite its influence and reputation it pales in comparison to the eternals. he would take the role of leader of the eternals extremely seriously, dedicating most of his time to it, i could see him being almost consumed by it. theres so many gbf characters, and he’d get along with most. i think him and rackam would bond over a mutual love for their fav vehicles, i could see him getting along with all the other eternals too, especially the twins & he would be very dedicated to helping and visiting stardust. will definitely have better success assembling the eternals for meetings than seofon ever did. outside of like obvious villains, i dont think he’d get along with people who are overly-knightly/obsessed with their own version of justice. also he would be a draph because thats what i want

seofon next because it would be hilarious .

- a3 seofon would be almost impressive. capable of adapting to any character or role given, like omi will often get cast as a villain, but not for his looks, but for his ability to be villainous. would work best in a drama, but quite capable of pulling off other genres. has the charm to play a role in springs buddy plays, the ability to act in a comedy (despite the fact that his jokes outside of whats in the script often fall flat), has the physical ability to play in autumns actions, but most adept at playing “righteous villains” or villains who think theyre the hero in some form (ex: omis stray devil blues role). “get along with” is a bit of a loaded phrase with him, will he develop deep friendships? probably not. will he come to care for the members? yea, notably gets along with azuma & banri. he absolutely is passive aggressive as fuck with chikage, seriously fake as fuck, he doesnt quite get why he doesnt like chikage but he trusts his intuition enough to not question it.

- y/7 seofon is concerning. not the most “yakuza” looking dude, not the strongest looking dude ever. but fights with a sword of some kind surprisingly strong when he does fight, mostly because he’s very capable of strategy and cunning. i think a “rising from the bottom” journey fits him well tho. outside of like the antagonists, he’s able to get along w/ the y/7 gang for the most part, especially if he started out alone, gets along best with nanba. him an zhao are cordial, but theres something very off about the way they interact that you cannot place. not outwardly hostile, but as if theyre both constantly coming up with plans to deal with the other.

rio is the most likely out of anyone here to be able to adjust to his new life.

- but him in a universe that will require minimal fighting and will allow him minimal isolation, like a3, will be the biggest challenge for him. he can easily perform on stage, but acting is not easy for him, imitating emotions especially is a struggle for him. even more of a struggle is probably almost utter lack of alone time. like omi, he enjoys cooking, especially for people he cares about or likes, but him and omi garner completely different reactions when seen in the kitchen. omi is met with relief, rio is met with fear. he is by no means a bad cook, and what he cooks tastes good, but the ingredients and look are off-putting. fits best with autumn as action geared plays are where he belongs, theres an unspoken rule to not put him in a comedy unless the character is meant be comedic in the fact of not being funny/not able to understand comedy. gets along with pretty much everyone, gets along with banri & juza purely because the familiar feeling of jyuto & samatoki. gets along well with tasuku & hisoka because he can be comfortably silent with them. struggles to get along with itaru because of how different they are.

sugimoto has an almost perfect fit.

- he would fit incredibly well into y/7. surviving getting shot? check. climbing up from the bottom? check. a ragtag group of friends bordering on found family? check. a deep care and want to help those he cares for? check. he is also incredibly tough, his fighting ability would definitely help him in the y/7 universe. instead of a standard tattoo, his scars would come to symbolize his status. earns the “immortal” nickname. he’s also dealt with cunning opponents and is equipped to deal with a lot of the y/7 ones. gets along well with the eccentrics of the bunch more than those who are more normal, doesnt even dislike any of the y/7 gang but has a harder time getting along with like eri/saeko since theyre pretty normal comparatively.

ichiban was the hardest here to place. its hard to see him fitting in somewhere else.

- but gbf ichi has potential. he is a capable leader and has shown to be able to decently strategize, but if push came to shove, handling everything the eternals do or having to be cunning or cruel is something he’d struggle immensely with, on the other hand the charity work, the protection, the heroism of the role is what keeps him at it. this is the best way for his rpg hero dreams to come true, he will likely have to fight an actual dragon at some point. extremely easy for him to get along with others, he’s also pretty forgiving. has trouble with anre tho, just do their interactions having to have some political lace, much like seofon and anres.

as for who fell in love first/confessed first

- for omi, it depends on how you define “fell for”. i definitely ~fell~ for him quickly, but it took a bit for that initial feeling to grow deeper. i fell first, but he fell harder first. for both of us, it took a while to confess, we’re both dealing with issues feeling unworthy or guilty about more positive emotions, but i confessed first.

- for seofon, theres no real “who fell first” we got along very naturally from the start. he developed romantic feelings before i did tho, by a small margin. there was also no real confession, we hung out a lot and people thought we were already together anyways. plus, with how dangerous the gbf world is and especially how dangerous his role is, it almost felt like asking for trouble if there was any official labeling or start to our relationship. it took a while before we officially “confessed” or labeled anything.

- for rio, its a struggle to figure out who fell for the other first. he’s had feelings for someone before, but that was a long time ago when he was a teen. he had trouble identifying what the emotions he felt for me exactly were, he knew i was a friend, but he knew he felt something deeper. i think i developed feelings first but there was a lot of hesitation due to how different we are and how different our lifestyles are. i’m the one who confessed, because he would likely not.

- for sugimoto, he fell first, but i fell harder faster. due to the general circumstances, neither of us were focused on our romantic feelings, so it took a while to confess. he actually confessed first.

- for ichiban, i fell first, and it took him a while to feel the same way about me. confessing wasnt an option for me, because the dude was going thru a lot & i didnt wanna add pressure or uneasiness. but he’s very open and confessed not long after figuring out he felt that way about me.

[gerrydelano]

i get the feeling from the bpd martin meta that you're not a big fan of web!martin (same, btw, that always felt a bit Off to me but you really put that into words) but are there any entities that you feel like he *does* skew towards (besides the lonely, obviously)? every time i relisten to s1 i'm surprised martin wasn't marked more heavily by the corruption, lmao. (also that was an EXELLENT bpd martin meta! cluster b martin my beloved)

you got it! i do not like web!martin not one bit! it could have been so interesting as a concept but then everybody got really weird about it and it leaves a really bad taste in my mouth now. i’m glad to have helped you articulate why it sat wrong with you, too! definitely not alone there. (also, thank you!<3)

i do have thoughts on this, yeah! under the cut once again because you know me by now. short answer: five candidates! eye, corruption, flesh, buried, and the one i’m exploring in PBR :-) you’ll be just as surprised by my favorites as i am.

Once Again i rattled this around in my server because i thrive on collaboration and we already make the hivemind jokes ourselves, but it came up with some fun answers!

01. the eye 

this one is just canon! it’s also criminally underutilized. i don’t actually have many direct thoughts on it right now, but elias was going to make him the next archivist if jon died in the unknowing and that’s why he was reading statements in S3, his domain DOES have that influence on it because of his time at the institute, and really, like. 

he was there longer than jon was by like, two whole years! he soaked in it a little longer, even if he was up in the library, and really? the library? he probably used to read some of those books to pass time, there’s a lot you could potentially explore in terms of his curiosity: it isn’t the same curiosity as the rest of the team.

he’s not curious because he wants to know things but because he wants to get somewhere. little similar to tim in that way, but still different: what really got to tim was the fact that he HAD no information and not having that was what fucked him over. with martin, it’s like.

there’s also his need to be in control and finally see what’s happening instead of having things just passively hit him all the time.

something pascal @mxrspider​ said: 

“he’s less one track mind more. okay. im gonna go through this all pile till something comes up. im gonna listen till i find an anchor to use. but he Does look, in the sense that he wants to have a say over the narrative, he wants to know what it means so he can adjust himself to it and survive it if it's worth the trouble”

and aster @ofdreamsanddoodles​ added: 

“i think part of the reason eye martin is hard to think of is bc i think his lack of supernatural experience kind of like. makes him not as curious as the rest of the archives? he doesnt have the drive to Know bc he grew up learning that his own education was kind of like. second to survival. if he learns something, its because it has a tangible affect on his life which he can put into practice. but him being able to like, figure everything out despite a lack of training shows he IS good at figuring things out, and he's generally pretty perceptive, but yeah, i think the control aspects is more his speed.”

pascal again: 

“he needs to open the door so he wants to know where the key is, even if the search doesnt fuel him the way it does with jon. jon accidentally stumbles and falls into the eye’s power and kinda gets lost into it. martin would use it as a tool i think. for jon it’s like drowning, for martin i think it would be like using a weapon and realising that suddenly it's part of his body”

and one more from aster: 

“also i feel like ppl hear beholding and assume archivist powers?? like i dont think martin would get any pleasure from compelling a statement. & he has an easier time getting ppl to talk so its like. theres no reason for him to have that power unless ur specifically making him archivist—which i think hed do pretty well at! he’d probably try and use his powers like gertrude, but bc he’s not interested in manipulating ppl he’d end up compelling them like jon

i think w martin his powers would be more like... a looking glass ig? something that allows him to see where others are, and what theyre doing, which of course is also very lonely but i think its v eye to like. obsess over what you know abt other ppl. and let that knowledge consume you kind of.”

i think we tend to conceptualize the eye as academia, and we lose a little bit of the potential for exploring people like martin who are street smart. who grew up learning on his feet and accumulating practical knowledge to get through whatever situation he was currently in, so he could get to the next objective. it both contradicts and compliments the depression in his lonely tie, and it created one hell of a funky domain!

lol remember when i said i didn’t have many thoughts on this. Oops!

02. the corruption

you’re right, it makes sense! the same way that melanie would have totally gotten a mark from the stranger (sarah baldwin, leading to the fact she’s the only one who knew sasha had been replaced) i could see an exploration of the corruption mark he could have because of what happened with jane!

the thing is, like... jon and tim got marked by that, too! and it had an impact on them all and their relationships, too! i DO think it played a role in the way jon got in S2, and i think it’s really interesting to explore! it made everyone more toxic in their own ways, and that’s what gave notsasha the opportunity to barge in and make it worse.

there’s a reason that jane’s attack on the institute was the start of their downfall: it planted a seed of pushing each other away, strained attachment, lashing out, and neglecting the root of the issue.

so, why not explore martin’s side of that, too! i could see it being a canon justification for his attitude towards tim because his attachment to jon Skyrocketed in a way that led to him saying something toxic to someone else, i.e., corruptioncore behavior.

comparison time. so, we know that psychosis isn’t Because of the spiral nor is it Equatable to the spiral, but rather people who suffer psychosis are easier for the spiral to prey on because they already have that fear that they can’t trust their own minds.

in the same vein, if you take the borderline HC into account, it would track that someone who already HAD that would be more vulnerable TO the call of the corruption. you know? it would be easier to be tempted by it. especially if it snuck in so slowly that you didn’t notice when it stopped being just how you’ve always thought and became something else.

one of the things TMA does really well is address mental illness in conjunction with the fears without blaming one for the other, because it is a capitalism metaphor at the end of the day and it is only saying how easy it is to be taken advantage of by the system if you have something going on that they can exploit.

so this take on the corruption marks they’d all have from that situation goes painfully well with the fact that they already all read as cluster B’s (in different ways!) and so i’d honestly be down with seeing more talk about that for martin. fics where he has bees seems to be pretty common!

03. the flesh

this one i sort of really love? aster pointed it out, and i can see it.

i want to talk about the flesh and how it speaks to the blue collar working class especially.

“jonny mentioned the garbage ep was originally meant to be the flesh but done clumsily, and im going to be including it as an example in this — a lot of the narratives involve like. working class. jared pre the boneturner's tale not having the smarts or money to go to college. slaughterhouse workers. tiny cheap family restaurants. garbagemen working overtime. gym owners. people retired/living by on social security. and i think there's something to be said abt like.... poverty and the commodification of bodies? like i think ive talked before abt the concept of ‘selling your body’ being just as applicable to the way physical labor or blue collar jobs or long shifts can cause your back or muscles or w/e lasting damage

and i think thats a narrative thats very true to a lot of the flesh like. the body as currency. angela doesn take payment, because its filled via flesh/blood, one way or another. when hector fucks up, the way he pays for it is with his literal body. the ritual for the flesh kinda embodies that too — one way or another theyre using ur body. if you cant push it/do physical labor anymore you get thrown in2 the pit”

things we have seen flesh avatars do: run small businesses, make deals/trades, and will ultimately mind their own business until you piss them off. i don’t think that’s too far off!

it’s about utility, yeah. and there are a lot of aspects of the flesh that i understand why people would be hesitant to explore it! 

but i also know that if the kneejerk reaction to flesh martin would be assuming it’s some weird body thing or to do almost solely with his being fat, that’s like. super shallow and missing a lot of the more existential points that could be made about living for your task, dedicating your entire life to being useful to someone or something, never being enough no matter how much of yourself you give.

and also — why would it be bad to explore how he feels about his body, too? especially given how a lot of the time, it comes down to actually being happy with yourself after a long time OF being told that something might be wrong with you. as a fat person myself i actually do think it’s interesting and it’s possible to explore internalized fatphobia and such without encouraging it, and maybe even deconstruct it.

after checking over this response, aster actually had this to add about flesh!martin that i SUPER agree with, so it’s coming into this, too:

“i think theres really like. a lot that could be said abt how much youre being offered something that may geniunely improve ur life. even in the oregan trail ep, the woman was being tempted bc she needed to eat to SURVIVE, and the man brought them across bc they needed to live somewhere thatd improve their lives. the... i think she was a comedian? ended up somewhere bc she wanted a community of like minded ppl who loved her. there was a lot of like. preaching oneness and understanding i think? which def is something martin, a child abuse survivor, would be interested in”

there is a lot to be said about being tempted by a balm to your hurts. the corruption and the flesh put beside each other are, like, top options to me because of that, but if i had to pick between those, i might go with the flesh! we all sleep on the flesh! and on some of martin’s complexities that would be brought out by approaching him from this angle.

it goes back to the major themes in his arc the most, i think? the blue collar working class bit, usefulness and utility, sacrificing something to improve your situation and how you feel about yourself, all of these things that impact his life on a grander scale than just his emotional state. the corruption definitely tracks in all the ways i said before, but the parts of him that would align there are a smaller part OF the corruption, where i think the flesh encapsulates a lot more of him. if that makes sense? 

also weirdly enough i think he’d be less grossed out by it. but that’s pretty minor.

i can’t believe this one is actually my favorite right now. hello. this actually gave me some ideas for PBR. i’m so glad you send this message, anon.

04. the buried

this one was suggested by pascal! they said: 

“i see buried akin to the lonely in the sense that it means, absence of choice in a sense (if you find release in it). like— a lonely quiet controlled space that you can get good at surviving in. kinda like. if i can breathe through the water, than i dont have to worry about drowning. it's paradoxically, safe. and doesn't let you spiral into painful loud self-awareness or gets you to. stop when it gets too much. again if you choose it willingly”

martin did say he was claustrophobic and that’s why he didn’t look into lost johns’ cave, so tim had to do it, and so that could be a point against him ever aligning with it as opposed to being a fear meal for it, for sure, BUT!

another fun thing to play with re: avatarship is that you do still have to fear the power a little in order to serve it. you have to still fear something. it’d be interesting to see it brought up through that lens, too!

because once again, his poverty comes into play. the buried is also all about debt and responsibility, the buried is the storm that floods your house and leaves you scrambling to repair it, it’s the choice between eating today and putting that money towards something that you can’t even really choose not to address. it’s ignoring your problems until they all pile up on top of you and crush you under their weight.

it’s a lot of the things that martin would have gone through pre-institute! and would make him a really easy fear meal, yeah, definitely.

but i also write gerry as being very afflicted by the buried, to the point where he starts to operate under its logic. to the point of knowing that but not being able to stop. and he and martin have a lot in common when it comes to the responsibilities placed on them by their very demanding, hateful mothers: the difference is that martin convinced himself it was not only necessary, but acceptable.

would love to see exploration of that. 

05. [REDACTED]

haha, you thought i’d tell you what it was? think again<3

you guys know by now that i’m a huge fan of taking fanon and ripping it to shreds while i choose to pick parts of the characters from canon that are underutilized. i love making things make sense. i could write a whole meta on just this decision.

but not yet! martin’s not quite established into his intended role in the story yet (soon) and his arc is a bit away. stay tuned if you want to see it unfold, but feel free to guess where i’m placing him based on how you’ve seen me characterize him in these posts lately!

[relaxxattack]

me: *is about to go to sleep* *sees the ran and jackie classpect post* *rises from my bed and looks at the notes i have* well if i must <3 (warning this is long as hell im sorry KXNSKBS i spent. two hours on this. it is 2am in my timezone now)

jackie is a breath player through and fucking through. a focus on self satisfaction, finding a quest and going after it, being so focused on the positive that he can see a negative thing happen and go "oh well, thats unfortunate. anyways," (think how he hears that ran probably died and just went "aw i liked him" then just sort of. keeps going anyways. picks one thing to really dedicate himself to it and sticks to it, shows negative reactions when they happen but doesnt dwell on them (whether out of discomfort or something else). basically, jackie is all of tubbos breath influence without any of the space influence. accidentally winning just because he really was just that damn dedicated

classwise, jackie is.. a bit difficult to get a handle on, if only because hes very breath like, but at the same time while he seems unconcerned with the idea of losing ran, he still very much so *wants* ran. its that want of a connection, of even just one person to keep around, that takes away the possibility of jackie being a class that would make him detach himself from others at will. hes not a class that would make him desperate for someone to help him take a certain direction, really he seems to want to take others in the same direction he already chose. he also accepts being tethered to one place/thing, he just wants to have freedom w how he goes about it, and it seems like its been this way for a while. ssoooo i want to say witch of breath. manipulating breath or through breath. strong personalities, friendly but terrifying and a force to be reckoned with, knowing what they want and, if healthy, how to get it. often pulling others along for the ride. generally, jackies a healthy witch of breath. he wants someone to show the same freedom he has, but knows he has limits and tethers and works with them, and ultimately hes not too pressed when he cant get his way fully. generally- jackie knows whats going on and what to do about it, but hed rather have fun with it all and show others how fun it all is too

now. ran. this is unfortunately difficult because ran didnt get as much screentime as was planned. L. anyways aspectwise hes definitely one of the ones that thinks theres not really a meaning to life (think of how he just goes "well this place is going down anyways". he doesnt care what choices are taken, hes already real fuckin sure of the end result. cocky bitch). hes not one about facades or selves, bc its rather clear that his blunt and coolguy attitude is, kind of just him, and he doesnt seem interested in deconstructing how others work, just interested in seeing how events play out. i want to say that ran is either void, time, or doom. void fits rans secrecy and overall "irrelavance" (in the sense that he doesnt seem to have contributed anything, not really), but void players are more angsty about how things dont matter rather than accepting it. which leaves time and doom. ultimately, id say time. doom players arent cocky in the right way </3. also just, yknow, the whole possible time traveler ran thing, the drama, the bluntness, internalization, the end of things, fake deep metaphors, etc etc. does mean that there really has to be a focus on the right class to truly pin him down, because most classes when paired with time are more emotional than ran is

so.. rans class. after a lot of deliberation, my main two thoughts are either a maid or a page. however, page means that before the pit, ran didnt have a good grasp on his aspect and after a long while of self awareness training does now, while maid means that either before or during the pit he relies on others to define his aspect. either way, he has a good grasp on it, but its clear that hes not letting himself really be free with it. this is why i want to say maid, because pages are sort of like starting with a disadvantage and just continuing with it even though you could probably fix it if you really tried, but youd rather just focus on what you have and being the best at it. maids are about growing into what you could have. doing what theyre expected at first and getting their aspect from somewhere else. they dont like being passive, but its what gets them the best results, right? but what defines a maid is getting out of that stage, of standing up for themself and defining their aspect for themselves and getting it by themselves, stubborn and becoming powerful and often terrifying, almost more than a witch if they do it correctly. so, basically, rans an aradia kinnie, hes just in his aradiabot phase right now. if he let himself get past that stage though, i think hed be happy

so basic summary: jackie understands that he has limits and tethers and focuses on what freedom he does has, and wants to have someone to experience that freedom with, and is a witch of breath. ran is leaning into the whole "its all hopeless anyways" because those that he relies on define it as such, but he has the potential to be happy and reach his full potential if he just lets himself choose his own path for once (and one thats not unhealthy), and is a maid of time. ultimately its why they work well together, once jackie gets ran to choose to be free with him, theyll both be happy. jackies already at his full potential, and has the power to get ran to choose to reach his full potential as well. bada bing bada boom baby really shows how much absolute Bullshit goes into classpecting because with fuckin classpecting terms you really can squeeze the hell out of characters with 1-2 sentence blurbs of characterization at most. white boys have ruined my life, zayne -🎭🎪

OH MY FUCKING GOD DUDE THIS IS SO GOOD

i will actually be stealing all of this for the fic, thank you so much oh my god. this is pretty much the only real good ran and jackie analysis to exist, im going to fucking scream and cry this is awesome

i hope you have SUCH a good sleep you deserve it

wow i cant express how thankful i am for this

(i find it really interesting that both ran and jackie seem to have an end-of-the-world-nothing-matters mindset, but different ways of going about that... genuinely can’t wait to explore that and then let them naturally develop, because hell yeah dude)

[miru667]

do you have any favorite onceler/lorax related headcanons ?

i had to think long and hard for this ask, wow. There have been so many headcanons made by the fandom over the years, many that have just been passively absorbed into my brain as near-canon by now, so i rly drew a blank when i first saw this question. |,D

Some headcanons that crossed my mind weren’t headcanons but were instead analyses or little details discovered by looking closely at screenshots or stuff from official concept art that never came to fruition so I’m not gonna mention any of those....

Anyway my fav ones include:

the onceler’s height being 6′4″ [link]

the onceler being idolized in public during his biggering days (p much canon already but i love to see/create fan content of him looking casually intimidating and untouchable, high above the crowd in a figurative sense [link] [link] [link])

the onceler wearing suspenders under his suit 😍

the onceler smoking cigars during his biggering days (this and the previous headcanon i love to see in fanart)

the onceler being personally influenced by fashion of the 60s/70s growing up [link]

the onceler having good proprioception. I know most of the fandom liked to think him clumsy, but I think he’s the opposite. He can dance so smoothly while multitasking, he caught all those pancakes perfectly, he balanced himself on that bed frame so well despite being rushed down the rivur, and he’s got magician fingers. i bet he could tie a cherry stem with his tongue.

magic electricity in the air. His electric guitar wasn’t plugged into anything, and he could turn a lamp on and off in his tent, and even keep a fridge running. This would’ve helped make lerkim-living bearable as well. i know in reality Illumination prolly just couldnt be bothered to work around the lack of electricity in the valley, and some ppl even go with the excuse that the flashback was seen thru ted’s imagination so of course he’d imagine an electric guitar etc [if anyone has a link to the og post pls msg me], but it’s my personal de-meta headcanon intended to poke fun at the movie out of endearment and i love it lol

thneedville recycling deceased ppl into foodstuffs [link] (Elf made this canon for their Ted’s thneedville, and I had my Audrey eating soylent green in zomb au, tho the product’s authenticity was never confirmed 9.9)

i have a lot, a lot of little personal headcanons for Audrey/thneedville that i ended up making canon for my Audrey, from her archaeological interests to her celebrity crush to thneedville’s high restriction of outside-world information, but that’s getting into oc territory!

There are also a lot of headcanons that askblog mods have made specifically for their characters that i love deeply and accept as movie-canon in my heart, but those are also oc-ish territory so I'm leaving them out.

i have 7212 headcanons that I’m absolutely crazy for but i dont think ur looking to hear abt crossover stuff lol

That’s all I can think of for now! I’ve probably missed some important things so if I think of more I’ll edit this post in secret. Thanks for the ask, this was fun :D

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 3

So i have seen smidgens of this on tumblr but just havent had time to do anything about it

and jesus christ Callie Jade is so horrifyingly creepy, and you know the things she’s narrating the characters can also hear which is also hilarious, it just reminds me of that comic about how “yeah sure there’s a giant ominous red floating eyeball in your kitchen, constantly staring, constantly judging, but can you be sure that’s a bad thing?”

and then someone tries to talk to it, but it doesn’t answer and the person goes “fine be an asshole i dont give a fuck”

thats exactly the dynamic happening with Callie Jade right now

Grumpy DaveKat is hilarious

and Hey! we finally get to see how people look, I really dig Roxy’s look

“ROXY: dude doesnt "believe" in "substances"”

This line from Roxy makes sense, as a person wholly ensconced in the idea of their own self and always being in control of themselves and their own mind and faculties they would hate anything at all that causes that iron mental grip to slip

That’s probably why Dirk avoided sleep even when his dreamself was awake, even sleeping and dreaming was considered a form of himself losing control over himself that he couldn’t integrate the idea himself and his dreamself were the same person rather than two identical people and also I remember that the Jujupop didn’t affect him either

Later on Dirk in the narrative will say something about his own trauma, but not really go into what it is, but if I had to hazard a guess (and really it’s not much of a guess at this point)

Dirk probably has memories of a version of himself being under the mental influence of another, Lil Cal, LE, Doc Scratch etc what have you, So Narrative Dirk may actually be a version of Dirk who’s not quite yet poisoned into being a version of those 3, but his words also hinted that just because he’s aware of a certain way that he’s acting doesn’t make him more likely to stop it

Like he’s equating that you can be aware of the influence something else is having on you and in the exact ways it is influencing you without being able to stop, the exact thing he is traumatized and afraid of being most likely

So his one driving fear, is he does not want to lose control of his own soul, his own being, his own way of life and existing, to something else, something other. Even though he most likely is fully aware of the things and mannerisms of the other that have slipped into himself? Like he’s probably fully aware of the similarities between himself and those mentioned above, but maybe the thing that he’s hinging on is that instead of those guys poisoning him into being like them, instead perhaps he can convince himself that it’s his own self influencing others to act like himself instead. His influence reaching out and expanding instead of shrinking as he fears it

Anyway, Dave and Kanaya have a cute moment, I really like that

We get a nice shot of them in shadows against a backdrop of stars and Kanaya starts talking about a story Rose would once tell so that’s story is already gonna be dripping in metaphorical potential

“ A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost”

Though that’s a story I’m actually familiar with

KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her

KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along

KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

KANAYA: The Story Comments On The Nature Of Friendship

KANAYA: And Of Course In Turn Love

KANAYA: How Once They Connect There Is No Distance Or Circumstance That Can Seperate Them

KANAYA: How The Worlds In Each Ones Mind Take On Contours Shaped By Their Memories Of The Other

KANAYA: Places And Moments And Orbiting Passersby Becoming More and More Entangled In The Context Of Their Mutual Affections

KANAYA: Such As With A Garden Calling To Mind An Engagement Once Declared There

KANAYA: Or Something To That Fucking Effect

So obviously Dirk and Rose

Dirk has Rose with him, discovers an actual genuine connection with her, likely because he already viewed her as an equal, despite his manipulations of her, and chapter 4 spoilers but he genuinely wants to play a game with her when there really isn’t any reason for it, so he is actually curious to see who comes out on top of it, Him or Her, so Dirk is probably in some way desperate to have an actual equal partner in some way instead of drowning in himself all the time, not surprising. But Rose, obviously, will leave and reject him, likely when the manipulation comes around and is revealed/Kanaya and all them reach her/that part of the story

But then the story tinges onto a romantic nature and is framing Dirk trying to get her back as a romantic quest to save his partner/friend something something love and friendship, “no distance can separate them” yeah that doesn’t sound like obsession with the first person you’ve ever truly seen as an equal/a real person, 

yeah “A Garden calling to Mind an engagement once declared there” definitely sounds like the garden of eden/adam and eve paradise fantasy that Dirk has been trying  for some reason, to setup on the new planet

Really begs the question for why Dirk cares at all to do all of this? Except we now the answer is already its not the thing itself he cares about, its the value hes putting into the story as something that generates interest in the audience

He doesn’t care about actually making a society or being gods or whatever, he just knows thats what the audience wants to see and cares about so therefore he does it

and the reason he does all of THAT is because is ties into his trauma of his sense of self eroding away becoming a person he’s unfamiliar with

I wonder how he’s going to handle how much he’s going to change in order to fit the role of the story he’s writing when all is said and done

the Dirk at the end of this is going to be very different than the Dirk that started in Homestuck, despite all of his fears and intentions, and that he could not say all of it wasnt his own doing because of the iron control he made sure to have from the very beginning, I honestly think that will be kind of a shock for him if a meeting like that ever one day happened

Specifically for the fact that he seems to be aware of the romantic in nature tropes hes writing himself and Rose into and for now still seems to be avoiding them, not having gone that far, but, well

Maybe this is where we’ll start to see where Doc Scratch’s odd tendencies starting coming from

You know he was always really weird with Rose and Vriska (Maybe because he sees Light players all as extensions of Rose herself?)

Anyway yeah this is def the story metaphor I think we’re going to see in this, but Kanaya doesn’t fully get it, she thinks the story refers to herself and Rose

DAVE: that seems kind of wack for a kids story

KANAYA: Its Possible I Am Projecting Slightly In This Specific Circumstances

KANAYA: It Was Just A Metaphor

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister

Which is cool because it makes this opposing connection between Dirk and Kanaya as opposites, which I like because it solidifies a tiny bit more the idea of Sylph being Passive Create to A Prince’s Active destroy.

Oh yeah, there was a tiny hint of Mind metaphor as well, can’t forget Terezi is with them

KANAYA: How The Worlds In Each Ones Mind Take On Contours Shaped By Their Memories Of The Other

KANAYA: Places And Moments And Orbiting Passersby Becoming More and More Entangled In The Context Of Their Mutual Affections

KANAYA: Such As With A Garden Calling To Mind An Engagement Once Declared There

Basically the idea that your experiences of a person and your memories of them shape who they become as well, the boundary between you and I is controlled by both of us, so each has an effect of the personality Heart of the other through our own decisions and Mind

like the way people tend to mimic those they like and want to be close to, or the way they actively try to distance themselves and what they are like from those they hate

But that at all seems to be more about Mind in general than referring to anything specifically Terezi

though it is exactly that understanding of Mind versus Heart and how one affects the other that could make Dirk realize that in the question of the self he’s only had half the picture the whole time, he’s only had the understanding of Heart and has thus far not been able to understand how Mind plays a role in the sustaining of the self, how what other people do to help you to be you, which is his entire philosophical conundrum

“DAVE: the dude youve spent the last 7 years convincing yourself isnt an egomaniacal anime villain

DAVE: and who isnt actually lying in wait to completely decimate your life and your emotions and shit“

oh, that makes me sad, this is def bringing up some bad trains of thought for Dave ):

“ KARKAT: KANAYA BARELY EVEN TALKS, CALLIOPE WON’T LEAVE THEIR CABIN, JADE JUST FLOATS AROUND LIKE A CREEPY BALLOON THAT’S MOSTLY MADE OF HAIR.

OH RIGHT, I forgot Calliope is actually WITH them on their journey, despite seeming to want absolutely fuck all with Jade Callie, I totally thought she was gonna stay back on Earth C but I guess not!

It’s so odd to see them so terrified of their alternate self like this when they’ve interacted mildly before. I still don’t know what to think of that much, other than they seem to be doing that weird thing that the other kids went through, like how John scribbled clowns on the walls unknown to himself for the longest time due to Gamzee’s unseen mental influence

that’s exactly the type of shit Dirk would be afraid of, so I wonder if that’s what Callie was afraid of as well? Maybe its Jade Callie that’s influencing them this way not Gamzee, to scribble strange things on the walls and not come out, but it’s the same fear of the other regardless manifesting and changing the self.

It is a very oddly non social thing for Our Calliope to do, when the point of different between the two Callie’s was how social Calliope was versus how antisocial Jade Callie is. Worries me ): but at least they’re here I guess

KARKAT: SOMETIMES IT ALMOST FEELS LIKE WHATEVER SLATHERING MONSTROSITY OF A COSMIC HELLBEAST THAT PUT ALL THIS SHIT INTO MOTION...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?

ROXY: fucked up if tru

Karkat is really popular as a character in the fandom lol

and that’s that one, time to get to Chapter 4, which has a lot more juicy exposition

With all the Garden of Eden metaphors though I can’t help but think of the Apple of the Garden of Eden when I think of “story exposition” now

The juicy tantalizing forbidden red fruit that when you bit into it you suddenly understand and know things you did not before and you’re eyes are opened, I wonder if that’s enough to just make Apples a solid Symbol of Light in Homestuck’s context? Most of it’s association with knowledge is external to Homestuck, just referenced symbolically, it’s not actually used in any cirumstances pertaining to knowledge, but more as the metaphor of it being the gate to leave the garden of eden, more like a teleporter, Rapture and Revelation in general rather than just Knowledge itself

aka my new headcanon is that one thing needed to Alchemize a Transportalizer is inexplicably going to be an Apple, if that ever comes up at all

[mikkock]

HELLO I ADORE YOUR OCS SO MUCH WILL YOU TELL ME ABOUT KAI HE LOOKS LIKE A TOTAL "YOUR DAUGHTER CALLS ME DADDY TOO" DOUCHEBAG AND I FUCKING LOVE HIM AND WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM

LBLMVBGK THANK U OMG love it when ppl like my kids, im a proud dad rn

ALSO wrow congrats on ur on point analysis, cause, that’s the Essence Of His Being (fun fact since i got two characters who go by the name of kai -cause fuck that basic writing tip that says ‘dont have two characters named the same thing- i usually refer to him as The Bad Kai cuz he a bad bitch)

so lets unwrap that dude shall we uwu 

SO this dude was created when i realised my story didnt have antagonists so i made a bunch of Bad People and then they all became good people after i started giving them more personnality somehow eXCEPt him for some reason, the only survivor of the “everyone will be baby” plague, the only rude bitch in this house, the only guy who’s still on the dark grey side of morally grey...but tbh im in love with him cause he’s an asshole and im an idiot so like.

His base concept was basically something along the lines of “fuckboy but make it Couture”, like douchebag indeed But Gotta Be Fancy at being one, gotta add a pinch of Sneaky Bitch in the pot. His aesthetic is Chillin, gettin in ur pants, then moving on for some more chillin and more pants. So if you’re into some funky sexy time with no pressure and no ties, ya gon get along, your goals meet, time to have fun.

All that is supported by his charisma, cause unless ya got some nasty history, he’ll just look like that charming bad-boy “oho hot dude with a dangerous but not agressive” vibed person, and he’s quite a sweet-talker. He’s probs not only the ‘your daughter calls me daddy’ kind but also ‘and so will YOU, i’m scoring with the whole family and you wont stop me (and you wont WANT to stop me)’ 

He got that handsome ppl priviledge ya feel

but also, he wouldnt be a rude guy if he was just the ‘i enjoy chill frick-fracking and im just so sexy that no one can say no to that booty’ guy

Dude got quiiite some spite-fueled ego and Does Not Take losing well, and will not, in fact, let himself lose on any objective he has, and when that objective is A Person, he gets ugly. Being good at sweet talking also means being good at small stuff like “not saying exactly the truth always when it would be more beneficial not to”, “deliberately using euphemistic, ambiguous or obscure language so to mask wrong doings and technically saying the truth but in such a way that it becomes completely masked by a thick fog of bullshit”, and “use words and behaviour in general to influence others unscrupulously so to get something in return”. Even a little “playing with their perception in order to make them doubt in their thoughts and selves”. In short dude got no qualms about using all the tools of manipulation available if it means that he comes on top (or on bottom if the goal was getting an assful eeeeeey we’re masters of comedy here) It tends to be all for short term results tho, so not much your ‘boyfriend who convinces you you’re nothing without him” and more of a “you thought you were dating but only you were thinking that as he always kept it just vague enough to have you not official yet convinced of his and now you’re blaming yourself for believing you were together”

master of getting ass, also master of Ugly Ass Breakups, and master of suddenly dissapearing from your life so hard that you wonder if it was just your imagination all along (he got ugly past with a bunch of other ocs especially he’s ex boyfriend with two that are now together cause i dig that sort of drama the sAME dUDe gave u the trust issues that held u from going full lovey dovey ? i fucking lIVE off that kinda shit wait until he pops back like ‘oho hello fancy seeing YOU TWO here my two fave exes together incredible what a small world”)

Though I have to rework on all that cause that backstory is oLD AS SHIT (like prolly i built it in what, 2016? ew ugly) I had that stem from some sort of neglect-fueled inferiority complex. I had given him a kinda cold family with a bunch of siblings who got Way More Nurtured due to their respective talents and achievements, having him left behind and feeling like he got nothing. SO that’s basically the explanation as of today but i dont like iiiiit anymooooore so I’ll have to work on it to make it something i dig, cause idk, bitch feels flat so far.

BUT i do intend on keeping the whole concept of ~Loneliness~, and of him working alone and quite hard for anything he gets. And the general need of proving himself that had come from the WIP backstory. I don’t exactly see him as an overachiever at all, but definitly as an obstinate and persevering hardworking guy, because “Look YALL I WAS aBLE TO DO THIS YALL THOUGHT I COULDNT HUH YALL LOOK DOWN ON ME well fuck u cause idc im better than u now also ur mum’s into bondage i kno from experience bye”. So tbh pair up with him for group projects, you’ll be sure his share of the work will be done (but also if you dont do yours then he’s probably going to be a bITCh about it, no remorse in leaving blank slides in the middle of the powerpoint and then loudly proclaiming ‘OH RIGHT This was supposed to be Kevin’s part but I suppose he never sent it to me, despite the numerous reminders i sent him, no big deal, no hard feelings, its ok sweetie we all sometimes feel too lazy i forgive u :)” )

Also he’d be Chill to hang out with for like, parties, nights out at the bar, that kinda shit. He definetly has some beans to spill about quite some people, he gathers the goss as he gathers lovers (i was gonna end that in “as he spreads legs” but it sounded too PG-18 for this good Well Behaved family friendly blog) and Will Not stay tight lipped, and Will be a bitch when trashtalking people, and It Will Be Entertaining as it always is when you’re hearing about crazy exes and you’ve had some beers. 

Now trivia that idk where else to write cause idk i stupid or more like disorganised :

- he digs red ale beer like if ya wanna win him over with the appropriate alcohol offer there u go

- he’s a fake blonde (cause my hobby is painting regrowth roots on hair)

- his design is a mixture of those 3dgy denim boys u see on pinterest and the specific brand of fuckboys that are french-L-section-chic-grunge-hipster-fuckboys (L section is like a branch of highschool)(that word combo is a so specific kinda guy)(its kinda like a softboi but more arrogant but in a lowkey way)(also they rich)(but he’s not rich so guess that should make him Less Arrogant)

-im constantly dead afraid of giving him more characteristics and story or whatveer cause he’s the only meanie i got left and i do Not want him to stop being an asshole but everytime i develop a character they end up nice or redeemed or whatever and i wanna keep him a bitch so i neglect him (just like his parents in his 2016 version wow)

he smokes (prolly started quite early to Be Kool and now relies on it for stress relief)

he’s outspoken and extraverted and prolly the guy who had a lot to say when you were doing debates in class (there’s always that person who has a Lot to argument about)(its him) but outside of a Set and Defined debate structure he probably doesnt give his mind voraciously 

he’s a law student and despite saying he’s the one bad guy left he probably wont be a corrupt lawyer or judge or whatever like come on he will do his job properly he worked hARD FOR THIS justice may be served

he’s not the kind to openly hate or even dislike anyone cause what’s the point of wasting your energy on that? its much funnier to him to be obnoxiously Neutral with someone and basically ignore them but still strike them with some Spikes of passive-agressive comments, let them be Mad at your calmness

he’s 177cm tall (that’s like 5.8 according to google)

honestly if you’re bros with him he’s fun to be with the being a jerk is completly coincidental 

he probably ranks high in the list of “those criminals who steal big lighters from their friends” 

i think at a point his design had tattoos but i forgot the designs of those so now he doesnt anymore

a dog person

i think ive run out of facts (or my brain dead) so im leavin with a shirtless pic cause my hobby is drawing tits

in short, charming asshole who can get ugly, secretly feels lonely and small, works hard for himself, better have him as a friend than as a foe though probably not the most frontally agressive enemy, and also, your booty, hand it over.

[abundantchewtoys]

HS Epi: Meat p19 reaction

I... don't really know what to expect anymore.

What could the wallet contain. A Dad note. A Terezi note. Or captchalogued people?

Odds are even we won't be seeing it right away. Though I'd dread to see Dirk's omniscient narrative voice take over narration of the post-victory scenes.

Still, Dirk should know better by now than to rely on his strong points this much. They're not evened out by a reliable moral compass all the time, and he's seen the results of that before. Guess with great knowledge comes great arrogance.

"Anyway, back to the B Plot." Ah yes, the B Plot. On Earth C. Featuring A2 trolls Karkat and Kanaya.

"Right about now, Jade should be wrapping up her political presentation to Roxy and Calliope" Ah, skipping right to the end of that, are we.

"Jade’s got this disarming combo of head-in-the-clouds flightiness and the kind of legit, down-to-earth cred that can only be earned by having done something like cutting open your own grandfather and stuffing him full of polyurethane foam." Ah yes, one of these definitely led to the other.

"neoliberal austerity measures" How often can we repeat the same 3 words?

"

Roxy groans upon hearing the phrase “neoliberal austerity measures” for no less than the third time in this presentation." Roxy the audience surrogate. Since it's our 3rd time too.

"JADE: as i outlined here in graph b-2 JADE: and here in figure a-6" It's a good thing timelines can only be scratched the once. A6 Alternia would have been a dreadful sight.

"JADE: and here!!! in this very spooky drawing i dictated to callie JADE: (great drawing by the way!!!) CALLIOPE: ^u^" Hah, Calliope's drawing skills have found another use! Political Powerpoints.

"JADE: the thing is that jane is an establishment leader JADE: shes looking at doing things the way our old universes did them JADE: shes pretty convinced that shes going to be able to replicate the capitalist hierarchies that earth had but in a more “responsible” way JADE: but none of that stuff actually worked!!!!!" That's a nice summary of the things that are wrong to Jane's approach, actually. Though it doesn't provide an answer to the underlying problem yet.

"ROXY: and u think karkat can do better? JADE: i think its worth it to give him a chance JADE: hes a leader of the people AND hes experienced firsthand what happens when establishment goes too far JADE: which i imagine you can sympathize with!" This really feels like a boardroom conference, with Jane trying to get a preliminary backing out of a captain of industry.

"Her graphs are floating around the living room in disarray." Hah, she's using her space powers for this in another mundane application. Though... not in any offical setting, it seems. Roxy and Calliope's home.

"CALLIOPE: i’m... CALLIOPE: going to get Us tea and snacks. woUld yoU like some, jade?" To be fair, Calliope's probably going to follow Roxy in her eventual decision, anyway. Her childhood fascination with trolls might have been abandoned for new interests, or she might trust her friend's judgment in matters political.

"Calliope excuses herself from the conversation, and flees to the kitchen, seemingly making no attempt to disguise the fact that she is in fact fleeing." What a cutey. Calliope might in fact be trying to flee anything reeking of negativity, associating it with black romance and such.

"Jade deflates as she watches her go, sensing that her presentation wasn’t the slam dunk she was hoping for." It's so easy forgetting that the narration is also at least in part steering the story at this point. >_<

"ROXY: well i gotta say ROXY: this has been a hella convincing argument all in all ROXY: buuuuut idk if i can help u out" Maybe they would actually like to stay neutral?

"She and Calliope live in a belfry above New Prospit. One end of their living room is an oriel window that looks out over a public park. The other disappears into an arcading hallway lit at the far end by a giant stained glass window that Calliope made herself. The corbels supporting it have windy, abstract shapes carved into them." Artsy! I didn't know what to picture for their living space, but actually Calliope taking to carapacian art-deco and giving it a cheruban twist really works!

"That’s what keeps Jade Harley flitting from couch to couch, relationship to relationship. She can’t stop thinking to herself that “home” comes awfully close to rhyming with “alone.”" Home Alone, huh?

"Home is John, who doesn’t call anymore. Home is when Rose and Kanaya welcome her in from a cold night and help her set lyrics to her sick basslines. Home is here, snorting at Roxy’s irreverent method of storytelling and admiring Callie’s art. Home is Dave and Karkat." This REALLY reminds me of the Tramp, as he had a home in every street he frequented.

"ROXY: im alls ABOUT the sowing of discord among my childhood friends" She's had quite her fill of the dramas. That's a valid reason to stay out of it. She'll just have to weight it against the downsides of not influencing the outcome of the election in any positive way.

"JADE: dirk got to you first ROXY: not even ROXY: i got no problem tellin dirk where to stick it lmao ROXY: but dirks not the one running JADE: you think hes NOT the one pulling the strings behind the scenes? ROXY: sure but give janey a lil credit" On the one hand I'm glad Roxy's got such a backbone, on the other hand, off course we know Dirk's still influencing the outcome at the moment. Also, uh, he's got no issues invading the lives of his friends personally, even after telling us off on the subject first.

"ROXY: but shes yknow JADE: ruthless? :B

Roxy frowns. Jade is being pretty unfair." I get the feeling Jade is less good at filtering her words lately. And I also get the feeling Dirk is starting to sow a little conflict.

"ROXY: shes gotta be miss perfect all the time for the billboards n press meetings ROXY: always wearin those power suits trying to look like a big bad bitch JADE: you mean like....... the condesce? ROXY: wow ouch JADE: im not just imagining it though, right??? JADE: you see it too JADE: not to dredge up something horrible from your history JADE: but her whole image is just kinda...... *woof* ROXY: is that what you guys think? ROXY: u and dave and karkat?" It's something they should have brought up via intermediary channels to Jane on beforehand. Not let fester until all they could think of to "stop" her was introduce a late-to-the-party candidate.

Jade might also be doubly upset with Jane for seemingly mirroring the Condesce, as they were both brainwashed by her.

"Roxy leans forward and stares Jade down, like she’s searching for something behind Jade’s eyes." That's the same thing she did with John! Guess she's trying to find out some of her secrets.

"Jade unwittingly responds in kind, looking for meaning behind Roxy’s gaze. But she comes up empty. And to be honest, so do I." That unfathomable personality might be your spanner in the works, Dirk. I can only hope she's secretly onto him. Her Void powers manifest the 'obscurity' different from Equius.

"In the spirit of full disclosure, Roxy’s the only one left I haven’t been able to crack. Her mind remains a total enigma to me, just like it always has." It's interesting, since they share so much in childhood upbringing, progeny, demeanor even at times...

"invisible, even to increasingly omniscient parties such as myself" *coughDocScratchcough* ... What would Reload Roxy be doing right now, assuming the session's timeline didn't stop when Caliborn's soul 'left' it?

"ROXY: but shes not betty crocker ROXY: and i luv her and i dont wanna hurt her feelings" N'aww.

"ROXY: and thats p much all there is to say on the matter" Second time the phrase's been used in the epilogues!

"CALLIOPE: oh, i’d rather stay Uninvolved, thank yoU." Passive player to the brink.

"CALLIOPE: i feel like interfering in both politics and a personal argUment between my friends woUld be impolite as well as kind of... stressfUl, to be honest. JADE: yeah JADE: sorry callie i probably shouldnt have put all that on you CALLIOPE: less apologizing, more snacking!" It's nice to see they're cutting her some slack. A horrible childhood, an early death, a spiel as a ghost... Oh, sure, she's one of the good guys and as such would have some responsibilities in the end, but it's nice for a change they don't expect too much from her. Maybe a bit too little for her own good, but still.

"Calliope claps her hands together. It’s a bright noise. Her tone of voice is bright too. All these years and she still can’t believe that she has so many friends. She smiles at Jade, and Jade smiles back. The tea tastes great. The cakes are even better. Callie’s an artist in everything she does." ^u^ Aww, that warms my heart at least.

"JADE: wow callie youre such an amazing hostess!" ... Well, she's a more excellent host than Doc Scratch, for sure!

"ROXY: psst not “her,” “them”" ... I see! Well, guess we'll be getting some more insight into the androgyn bodies of cherubs and how Calliope has updated her self image over all these years? Caliborn still had the giant eyelashes, so it stands to reason there were also other, more masculine traits to Calliope's body even when she still shared it with her brother.

"JADE: oh wow!" Oh, I figured Jade already knew about Calliope's preferred pronouns, but it seems not!

"CALLIOPE: bUt i did take comfort in “being a girl” for a very long time. this is something i’ve only recently decided." ... I just remembered how Calmasis also was this androgynous figure. ... I wonder if Calliope will be thinking about a name change.

So, I don't think Roxy's haircut is a sign she's genderfluid now too, but I imagine a lot of fanart has already been created for butch!Roxy by the time I read this.

"ROXY: m-me too actually" Oh. N-never mind then. That caught me unaware! I didn't see that in Roxy. For one, despite all the pink and the ponies, she didn't seem like she felt "trapped" in a role to me. Unlike Calliope, where I can see how she might have felt obliged to embrace everything not-Caliborn.

But this does shed a whole new light on Mom's overly childish and girlish bedroom in the lab. Like she was trying to compensate for something. Uhm... It might also be one of the main reasons behind her drinking problem. Her embracing girlish, adult woman habits but never feeling like they 'fit'.

Well well. Homestuck's main characters continue to be representation incarnate.

"Wait.

   What?" PFFFFFFFFFF. I love it. Dirk's reaction is gold. Guess this completely blindsided him too and didn't shed any more lights on the inner workings of her mind than he thought. So even if he knew she was holding something back after the "yea", and maybe encouraged her to keep speaking, he didn't know what to expect.

"Roxy? Seriously?

Like I said, fucking inscrutable." Dirk has NOT just had an "I knew it!" moment.

"I never would have guessed. Not that I’ve spent much time contemplating issues related to gender. I’m pretty secure in my expression of masculinity, and..." That's a suspiciously specific acknowledgement, though, Dirky boy. :P

"You know what? Fuck this. I don’t owe anyone an explanation of any sort on this topic. I’m confident with who I am, what I am, my gender, as well as my understanding of the concept. You want my honest opinion? It’s fucking fantastic. Good for them. Both of them, I mean, but also, both of them in a singular fashion, since each one can now individually be referred to by the conventionally plural word “them.”" Pffff, of all the things. I didn't think this would have Dirk fly off the handle in such a Dave-way, while still narrating, but I'm happy to see it. In an out-of-story sense, Dirk is currently the audience surrogate, showcasing what a "true fanboy"'s reaction could be like, if they were both shocked to the core but mature enough to get over their shock without throwing around accusations and tantrums.

But yeah, at least the aloofness is gone from his voice, for just this time.

"I’m ecstatic for this personal development they’ve embraced, for the people they are, the lack of gender they identify with, and the pronouns they prefer. I’ve got no problem with it whatsoever, and frankly, it’s fucking insulting anyone would ever imagine otherwise." I can picture him speaking through gritted teeth, it's glorious! 'This is good, this is fine. I am doing great!'

"ROXY: ahah hahaha hell of a way to come out" Ooh, so she's not even out to Jane or Rose yet!

"ROXY: what even is gender" That is SUCH a Roxy thing to say. Also, almost stoner like. Picture Gamzee going like (in his quirk): 'Have you ever really THOUGHT about gender, man? I mean, really THOUGHT about it.'

"Jade looks at where her hands are folded in her lap. Bites her lip. She has her own concerns about this, her own thoughts. Reasonable thoughts, I’d say." "ROXY: i mean that was all stuff from our old universe ROXY: whyd we even bring it here right? JADE: right" I think for Jade it's not something she'd discard so easily! I mean, it all depends on whether 'gender' is something antigonal to your self image, in the end, I guess. If it isn't hindering you... that's how you stay heteronormative in some or all elements.

"Calliope takes a teacake between two of her claws and eats it delicately, hyper-aware of the horrible gnashing and snapping her powerful jaw is capable of.

CALLIOPE: my ideas aboUt gend—

SHIT. Between two of /their/ claws." HAH. Oh my god. The narration cut off Calliope. ... Pffff, though it IS a good callout, since I've been using gendered pronouns still to refer to Calliope. Whoops!

"CALLIOPE: i sUppose i only thoUght of myself as a girl because my, Um... CALLIOPE: my brother took mascUlinity qUite serioUsly." A) Still not saying his name :P B) Using his preferred pronouns.

"CALLIOPE: by which i mean, he became very enthUsiastic aboUt all the things it sUpposedly meant to be a boy. CALLIOPE: cherUb existence is dichotomoUs, bUt not in the same way hUman biology is. CALLIOPE: i sUppose oUr view of hUman cUlture indirectly inflUenced alternia’s development, which in tUrn affected yoUrs, which is something i’ve had a lot of time to think aboUt since we came here." Oh right! Lord English & Doc Scratch helped shape Alternia's development, so in a lot of bad ways there was a focus on power and masculinity, which may have trickled down into Earth's because of who created our universe, and thus it might all have been a self fulfilling prophecy, what Caliborn's gender identity is concerned! Guess we were due another one of these loops. :P

"ROXY: so much of what earth c thinks what boys and girls “SHOULD” do comes straight from the imagination of a bunch of dumb teens ROXY: which is totally FUCKED JADE: sure" Yes, and so much of what Earth C "should" be like, as a victory state reward planet, and the epilogues by extension, exists only in the imagination of a bunch of dumb humans spread over this globe. :P I reek a callout. Not undeserved, mind.

"She probably would have loved being a “they” when she was a teen." (Referring to Jade.) I'll grant you that, Dirk. But I thought you were doing paraphrasing other people's thoughts for the course of this conversation?

"i liked the idea of dirk" He'll love to hear that. :P Well, you know, Karkat had the same thing, he loved the idea of Condesce as a powerful leader, if not always the result of that leadership.

"ROXY: and also literally no one else on the entire planet was alive at the time

ROXY: but we had some babies without even bein consulted about it anyway so w/e" Context!

"JADE: personally im a big fan!

And like that, Jade’s smiling again." Nothing like Dave & Karkat to lift her mood. :P

"The storm clouds pass so quickly in her world, you almost wouldn’t have thought there was anything wrong at all. Roxy and Calliope certainly didn’t notice.

But there is something wrong. And this time, they’ll notice." Uhhh, wrong with Jade? Or something wrong with Earth C in general? Besides Dirk taking over, I mean. Oh no! ... Calliope left the kettle on! :P

"JADE: i... JADE: i.........

Jade drops her tea. The cup hits the floor and shatters." ... Is she passing out?? Just like Rose??

... Oh no. This doesn't have anything to do with John going back, retconning the timeline, and some of their selves being killed right? It shouldn't influence them, since they're from a different timeline, but with the talk about canon and relevance and truth and shit...

Is Dave going to pass out next???

Did John accidentally change the Reload timeline to be the alpha one, and is the future adjusting to the changes??? Or is it due to something to do with Lord English' powers in killing a different 'real' version of them?

"She takes in a sharp breath. She’s not feeling well suddenly. She’s dizzy, feverish, seeing things beyond her field of vision. A blinding flash of light. A black, perfect circle, burning a hole in her eyes." Wow. Just like John, she gets a vision of the Black Hole! So, maybe it's more like she gets backlash from suddenly absorbing the memories of Reload Jade.

"She doesn’t look bad at all— Jade wears unconsciousness well, having spent the better part of her life napping." Aaaand we're back in sleeping beauty terrain.

"But she can’t hear her. Jade is somewhere else right now." Uhhhhh. I thought they didn't really dream in the dreambubbles post-victory no more?? Also, those were all destroyed by LE, anyway.

Dang. That's weird.

Are the B1 kids (adults) actually going to be gathering in the Furthest Ring in 'person'? But why, and how? ... There isn't anything like a 'dreambubble self' body that persists in the Furthest Ring that John could have woken up like how you could wake people up on Derse and Prospit. ... Now I'm reminded of an old fanart I made of a green moon circling the Green Sun, with green dream selves for all humans & trolls we knew at the time (B1 and A2). :P