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#i dont know how to respond to this what does this mean
r0-boat · 1 day
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I.. I dont know why but every ask I send seems to get chewed up by tumblr one way or another.. this will be my last attempt. 🥲
Can I request Harpy!Larry learning how to give/recieve affection from his partner? And just general headcannons as he slowly gets used to having a mate? Your last drabble mentioned he didnt seem to understand why he felt so empty, it would be so cute to see more fluff from bird man!
If this doesn't go through again, I will fully give up. If this finds you and you write for it, I thank you in advance! 😭😭😭
Oh my God I got it!
Harpy Larry snuggly bird headcannons!
Sfw cut for length!
Larry x Gn!reader Larry cause the reader wife because he does not understand human marriage culture.
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He has never had a mate before. And he has never had a human mate before. How does one give love to a mate that is entirely a different species from him? He showers you with gifts like any good mate should, and he watches you with the protective gays like any good husband should. You have no feathers on your body so how do you keep warm? How does a preen one with no feathers???
Despite your husband's hard-to-read face, his troubles do not go unnoticed by you. It's hard not to notice when the heart is adamantly deemed, and your husband seems so distant. Larry tilted his head when he saw you approach him. "Wife? Is there something you need? Are you hungry?"His eyes widened, his feathers fluffing when your hand caresses his cheek; the harpy is surprised but melts into your touch.
He never knew how much he needed the love of his wife until you touched him. He never wants you to let go. He hums into your palm wanting to feel more. When you glided your fingers through his feathers you swore you heard him whimper. His whole body of jet black feathering fluffing up.
You smile, running your fingers through his jet-black feathers. "You can touch me too." You mutter, "I do not know how." Larry finally admits. You gently take his hand and wrap it around you, making him pull you closer. "Humans like to be held close; they like to feel their bodies touching against each other..." You whisper only for him to hear. He watches you intently as he wraps an arm around his neck, pulling him into you for your lips to touch his. "And they like to kiss."
A 'kiss' that is something completely foreign to him, but it was nothing he had ever felt before. Your soft lips touching his own was addictive, making his heart explode with love.
When he finally breaks the kiss, he asks, "Is there more?" You're not sure if he meant more kissing or more or lessons for you to teach. "I'll give you more later."You smile. You try to return to what you were doing until he pulls you closer. "I'm not finished with you," he murmurs, sitting in the nest. He pulls you into his lap, wrapping his wings around you. "I want to preen you, what you were doing before." Oh. "I was just running my fingers through your feathers. They're quite soft."You smile. "I want to do that to you." He was a good boy going through your lessons even though you had no comb or brush. How could you say no to a face like that?
You tense when he presses his nose against your neck, nuzzling Into it, inhaling your scent. That is not something you taught him. His arms tight around your back, pressing against his chest, that does not mean something. "Where did you learn that?" Larry responds, mumbling into your shoulder, "This is what I saw some humans doing before. You like?" You do like it. You do like very much.
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sunsetcorvid · 1 year
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Violet-colored eyes slowly blinked open to rays of sunlight filtering through the window above the bed. While it was a little blurry, Three could tell this wasn’t their room. Nor their house. (Nor did they live anywhere in particular but that wasn’t the point.) They lay on their side. The weighted blanket on top of them was ruffled, tangled in their limbs. A pillow lay halfway across their face, and another was captured in their arms. They must have been quite active during the night, which was unusual for them. Usually, they were considered a “Dead sleeper.” Which just meant they hardly moved when they slept. Didn’t mean they were a heavy sleeper, though. They were sure they must have woken up multiple times throughout the night to some strange sound or feeling.
Speaking of which, their throat felt like it was on fire. Swallowing felt like a difficult task, it felt like they were swallowing rocks. Their limbs felt heavy and they weren’t sure they could move. Maybe this is what they got for all those nights staying up late and sleeping in that uncomfortable area in Octo Valley.
And also cowering in the rain, apparently, as they suddenly remembered where they were and what happened. The unfamiliar room suddenly made much more sense now.
They were in the Squid Sisters’ house.
As if to confirm this realization, a knock sounded at the bedroom door. When Three didn’t answer, the doorknob turned and a familiar Cuttlefish poked her head into the room.
“Three? Oh! You’re awake!” Callie said excitedly as she fully stepped into the room. She’d tied her tentacles up differently since the night before. Instead of the usual bow made with them, she’d tied them back, creating a ponytail. Smart, she wouldn’t be bothered by them while she slept. Three found themself wishing their tentacles were long enough to do that. They’d been forced to get them cut before getting kicked out to be independent in Inkopolis. Well, at least they had control over it now, so they’d be able to grow them out without any comment from their parents or siblings. They had control over pretty much everything in their life now. Though at the cost of just about everything, they supposed.
“Are you feeling okay, Three?” Callie’s voice was laced with concern as she made her way over to the bed that the younger inkling lay on. “You look more shit than usual. I mean, like, your tentacles are dull.” A bit of humor was found in her statement. Three snorted at this. She probably wasn't wrong, though. They felt like shit, so they were sure they looked like shit.
A cool hand placed itself on their head, which they didn't realize was so warm; Uncomfortably so. The coolness of the touch felt… surprisingly nice. Maybe it was because their brain was still fogged with sleep, maybe they just didn't mind in the moment, but they let the hand stay there and wished it wouldn't move. They didn't like being touched, not often anyways. Were they not feeling like they just crawled out of Hell, they probably would have bitten the hand. Okay, not bitten and maybe just swatted away, but still. And much to their surprise once more, their eyes slipped closed at the nice feeling. But all too soon, the hand retreated from its place.
“You're sick, aren’t you?” the older inkling spoke with a deadpan, yet slightly worried face. All Three could give in response was a snort. “Feels like your head is on fire. I was honestly expecting this, Gods know how long you were out there in the rain.”
It had been thirty minutes, at least. They weren't sure how they’d gotten sick within that period of time, but then considered their self-care habits and decided it made enough sense. All they’d wanted to do was check and see if Callie had been right about the storm, but they ended up getting caught in it themself. The first little bit of thunder had them cowering, hands over their ears. It shouldn't have felt as loud as it was, it shouldn't have made them think of the explosion that splat bomb had made that gave them the nasty scar on their side. But alas, they had found themself sitting in the rain close to getting splatted.
Three groaned as a wave of pain passed through their head. God, they really felt like shit. Their grip on the pillow in their arms grew tighter and they closed their eyes. Maybe if they forced themself to sleep, the pain would go away. The sound of the bedroom door being closed caused them to open their eyes in confusion. Callie had left the room.
Great, she was probably going to tell Marie that they were sick and to stay away from the room. They never liked being sick; no one did, really. When they were sick, they were left alone in their room until they were better. Everyone in their family did it when someone was sick. Quarantine the sick one so no one else gets sick. The only time they could come out of their room was late in the night, when everyone else was asleep in their respective rooms. They’d grab anything leftover from dinner and a water bottle and sneak back to their room. They never questioned this. It made sense, to them at least. Plus, fighting off the sickness by yourself toughened you.
But while it was safer, it was also lonely. Sitting alone in a room with just your thoughts. Especially those that intruded into Three's personal brain space from time to time. They liked to think that they were fine alone, that they’d always been able to get through being sick, even if it meant being curled up in their room for a good few days. Which is why they found themself confused at being sad that Callie had left the room. They shouldn't care that much, they barely knew the idol. But… she’d been so nice to them since she'd met them. It confused them, even more, when they started thinking about that. Why was she being so nice to them? She didn't need to, she had other things to worry about. Three should be the least of her concerns. Yet, there she was not even five minutes ago checking the young agent’s temperature. And there she was the night before, looking for Three in the storm. And when they first visited the Cuttlefishs’ house, when they’d been wounded enough to have to be dragged back there, Callie didn't even know their name. They didn't really know their own name if they were being honest, but that's beside the point. Callie, and Marie, had taken care of them to the best of their ability. The two didn't have to, but they did anyway. Three didn't know how to feel about this. It was strange.
The door opening once more dragged them from their thoughts.
“Okay, I got some water and some food for you. I made extra for breakfast because I thought you might be hungry when you woke up. My turn to cook this week so here's some rice and eggs! Sorry if you don't like either, don't know your food preferences yet.” Callie explained as she placed a glass of water and a tray with a plate of food on the nightstand next to the bed.
For the first time since Three had awoken, they sat up from their uncomfortable position in the bed. Unfortunately, the sudden movement only seemed to make their migraine worse. With a wince, they gripped their head with one hand and reached for the glass of water with the other. A reassuring hand rubbed their back as they took a sip. That felt nice. Weird, but nice. They hadn't realized how thirsty they were until they’d taken the first sip and the water was gone within seconds. Ah, that certainly helped their throat somewhat. Callie laughed from her spot next to them. When had she sat on the bed with Three?
“Pretty thirsty I take it?” All she got in response was a side-eye from the tired agent, but she got the message quite clearly.
The water seemed to help with their headache a bit as well, which didn’t surprise them. They had a habit of forgetting to drink water often, which lead to quite a bit of headaches. Nothing they couldn’t handle. Although, this felt like someone had placed a splat bomb in their head and modified it to blow up every few seconds. They couldn’t remember the last time they felt this sick. That’s what they got for being a dumbass, they supposed.
As they grabbed the tray from the nightstand to taste the food Callie had made them, they went over their plans for the day in their head. They couldn’t stay here all day. Callie had done more than enough for them the past day, they didn’t need to bother her or Marie anymore than they already were. They’d eat the food, rest a little more, then head back to the valley. They had kettles to patrol, an important duty they bestowed upon themself that took priority over recovering from sickness. Were there not as many Octarians in those areas since they’d defeated their ruler? Yes, but that didn’t mean they should slack off on keeping the city safe. The Zapfish could be stolen again for all they knew. They had to be prepared for that. Not only did patrolling help keep the city safe, but also helped with their skills. Perhaps they should visit Ammo Knights later to try a new weapon. All they’d been using this whole time was their Hero Shot. Maybe a roller?
Three’s thoughts were cut short as took a bite of the eggs and rice. Oh, that was good. They couldn’t remember the last time they’d had rice with eggs on top; most certainly before they’d started living on their own. Perhaps that was why they found it so good, enough so that they choked on a bite from how fast they’d been eating it. Coughing wracked Three’s body as they attempted to get the piece of food dislodged from their throat. That same hand from a few minutes ago hit their back in an attempt to help. Oh, shit, Callie was still here? Well, that’s embarrassing.
“Geez, slow down! I know I’m pretty good at cooking, but I’m not that good.” The older inkling joked as Three finally stopped choking on the rice. No, this squid was wrong. The food was fucking delicious, she should not be undermining herself like this.
Then again, Three couldn’t remember the last time they’d eaten.
With the coughing fit over and the food mostly consumed, Callie took the glass and tray and exited the room with a quick “I’ll be right back!”, leaving Three once more alone with their thoughts and sickness.
What were they planning before they started choking? Oh, right, new weapons. Did they have enough money for a new weapon? They’re sure they have some saved up from Turf Wars. Maybe not a lot, but enough to get something nice. Plus, they could probably get Sheldon to get them a discount since they were an agent and all. They’d learned not too long ago that he was the guy who supplied the weapons for the Splatoon. He seemed nice enough, albeit quite chatty.
A familiar object in the room caught Three’s eyes. Was that one of those mini zapfish plushies next to the dresser? They squinted their eyes to try and see better. Yeah, that was the zapfish plush alright. They remembered the first time they grabbed it after repeating a mission. They assumed the Octarians had placed them there in place of the real one so they could have some form of zapfish. But seeing the one in this room now made them think otherwise. Were Callie and Marie the ones putting the fake zapfish there? Or perhaps the captain? Urgh, their brain was too fogged to think about it. All they seemed to focus on now was how soft the zapfish looked. The fabric carefully hand-sewn together. A little captain’s hat sat on top. They always thought that little detail was nice. Maybe they could?
With a groan, Three stood from the rather comfortable bed to make their way to the plush. Unfortunately, they lost their balance hardly halfway there and fell to the ground with an audible thud. Thankfully, the agent’s head didn’t come into contact with the nightstand or the dresser. At least they wouldn’t have a worse migraine. However, they were now stuck on the carpeted floor, the energy sapped out of them. The zapfish plush lay just a few feet away from Three, within arm’s reach. Yes! They could grab it!
Shaking hands wrapped around the fish’s plush body and brought it close to the inkling’s chest. It was as soft as they had thought, maybe even softer. A content sigh left their lips. Screw the bed, they’d rather lay on the floor with this fish instead. They will name it… Sparky. Was that basic? Yes. But you can’t blame them, they were sick and terrible at naming things.
“Hey, I got you more water and some medicine for your sick. It tastes terrible, but it’ll help- Oh my gods, Agent 3, what the hell happened?!” Callie exclaimed at the sight of the younger inkling curled up on the floor. “I left for, like, two minutes!”
Three raised the zapfish up slightly, showing off their prize.
“Oh, you were trying to get the zapfish. You could have just waited for me to come back so I could grab it for you, you know.” Didn’t matter now. They had the plush and that was that. Also, they didn’t need to get someone to do something for them when they were perfectly capable themself. Even if capable meant laying curled up on the floor with a plush in their arms. A sigh sounded from above.
“Alright, come on, up you go.” A surprisingly strong pair of arms wrapped underneath Three’s and picked them up, very similar to how Callie would hold Judd sometimes. Then, the young agent was, gently, tossed back onto the bed with terrifying ease. They knew they didn’t weigh much, but they couldn’t weigh that little. Could they?
Callie raised an eyebrow at their startled expression. Three pointed to her arms, which now that they focused, looked like they had quite a bit of muscle on them.
“What, do you think I’m strong?” she laughed as she looked at her arms. Three didn’t respond. “Well, you're technically not wrong. I do main the roller, which puts a bit of muscle on you if you use it enough.” Oh, that explained it. Maybe they should try out a roller. Gods know they could use some muscle.
As if reading their mind, Callie spoke again. “I could show you the basics of wielding a roller sometime if you'd like. I’d say I’m pretty good at it.” Well, Three would have to see about that.
“Anyways, as I was saying before. I got you some more water and some medicine. Marie said it’ll help with your throat, too.” The liquid, which appeared to be the medicine, did not look very appetizing. Then again, medicine wasn't supposed to be appealing, so there wasn't any reason to complain about that. Either way, there was no way in Hell they were drinking that. Would it make them better? Yes, maybe. But also the idea of drinking it made them want to throw up. And the sisters shouldn't be wasting their medicine on them when they would probably get better in a couple of days anyway.
In defiance to both the medicine and the water, Three turned their back to Callie on the bed, holding Sparky tighter. Maybe they should think of a better name for the fish…
Internally, Three scolded themself for being so childish about the situation. It didn't particularly help that they were holding onto a stuffed zapfish like their life depended on it. But despite their thoughts, they couldn't find the energy to really care. The fever was really getting to them. Maybe the medicine was a good idea. Oh well, too late. They already turned their back to it and made up their mind that they didn't need it.
Callie sighed behind them. “C’mon, Three. I don't want to send you back to your parents half-dead.” she joked. “... Speaking of which, do they know where you are?” They flinched… shit.
What were they supposed to tell her? That they'd been kicked out of the house because they’d been deemed independent enough to live on their own? That their parents probably had no idea where they were and didn't care? That they'd been living in Octo Valley for the past few months because they weren't old enough to own an apartment? (Though, Three had heard that the laws were planning to be changed so that the minimum was 14. They didn't think it was a very good idea, but it would certainly benefit them if it happened.)
They supposed they could lie like they had been since they’d given her their phone number. Alright Three, come on, think of something!
Oh, wait. How were they supposed to tell her? They couldn't really speak when they were like this. Then they slapped themself mentally as they remembered the phone in their pocket. They'd forgotten to take it out before passing out the night before.
After a bit of shuffling, Three managed to pull the device out their pocket. They squinted their eyes as the screen turned on, brightness almost all the way up. Why the hell had they turned it up that high? Whatever, they checked the time.
1:36 PM…
That was much later than they had originally thought. That also threw off their original plans of getting out of bed before noon to patrol the Valley and train. They decided then and there that the universe despised them. Also, weren’t the Sisters supposed to be at work right now? They didn’t know their whole schedule, but they were sure that they started work at a much earlier time…
With an internal sigh, Three opened up their messaging app and tapped on Callie’s contact. A couple of minutes later, a notification sound was heard and Callie fished her own phone out of her pocket and read the message sent by Three.
(Three) 1:40 PM
as far as they know, im staying at a friends house for the weekend. i texted them in the valley
(Three) 1:41 PM
what am i supposed to tell them
(Three) 1:41 PM
“oh yeah im staying at a famous idols house because im sick again lol love ya xoxo”
(Three) 1:42 PM
theyd probably call the cops thinking im doing drugs
Three thanked the gods that it was Saturday so it would seem more believable. They felt impressed with themself for thinking of such a great lie while their mind felt so fogged with fever. But turning around now to look at Callie, their confidence faltered. The look on the idol’s face was a mix between concern and suspicion. But it softened a few moments later and the older inkling spoke again.
“Do you get sick often? You said “again” in this. Sounds like it happens a bit.” The notification sound rang out again.
(Three) 1:44 PM
immune system is shit
“Well, that explains why you’re so sick now.”
(Three) 1:45 PM
im not that sick
“Three, you can barely get out of bed. You’re pretty sick.” You know what? They were going to prove her wrong! They will laugh in her face when they get up and can walk completely fine.
“What the hell are you-”
Not even two minutes later, the (Not-so) famous Agent 3 was laying face down on the floor. They swore at their body for giving up so easily, but then finally gave in and accepted the fact that they were sick and wouldn’t be getting anywhere for a day or two. Being stubborn about this wouldn’t get them anywhere and would most likely make them worse. Taking in a breath, Three turned their body over so that they were laying on their back. Callie’s head popped up from over the bed, an unimpressed look plastered on her face.
“You are one stubborn squid, you know that?” Yeah, they knew well enough.
A hand was offered to them and a few minutes later they were back on the bed, zapfish in their hands. They briefly considered taking it back to their spot in the Valley, but the thought was pushed out. The fish didn’t belong to them and they damn well wouldn’t steal from the Squid Sisters. The ones literally taking care of them, for what reason they still couldn’t fathom.
But then Callie spoke again as if reading their thoughts.
“If you like the zapfish so much, you can keep it. We have a ton, anyways.” What.
They could keep it…
Their grip on Sparky grew tighter in response to this. These squids were too nice to them, honestly.
“So, are you gonna take this medicine or am I gonna have to shove it down your throat?” Nevermind.
“Three.” Fuck you.
“I swear, Three, this is all I need you to do and then you’re free to rest unbothered. Just a cup of this and then you’re done.” Three stared for what felt like forever, then slowly nodded their head. Just to get this shit over with.
A few seconds later, a small cup with a purple-reddish liquid was placed into their hands. It smelled terrible and it looked terrible, but Three took a deep breath and drank it all in one swig… And then immediately gagged because that tasted like shit. Laughter erupted in front of them and the small cup in their hands was replaced with a glass of water. God, hell, they need to get this taste out of their mouth. The water seemed to absorb the taste and spread it out slightly in their mouth, but after a few sips the flavor seemed to die down and they didn’t feel like throwing up from it.
The glass was placed on the nightstand and the inkling turned their back to the idol. As they did so, they laid their head back on the pillow and a wave of exhaustion hit them at almost full force. Shit, the sick was getting them. A hand rubbed their back.
“See? Not that bad. The Great Agent 3, the agent who defeated DJ Octavio himself, was able to take medicine! Hopefully, it should help you a bit.”
The bed shifted as Callie stood up and grabbed the bottle of medicine from the nightstand. The air felt peaceful, calm, as Three began drifting in and out of sleep. They seemed to merge with the bed, their body growing heavier with each passing second. Then, as the clock from the bedroom door being closed was heard, sleep finally pulled them in.
“I’m worried about Three…”
“Well, they’re sick, I’m not entirely surprised by that statement.”
Callie paced about in the shared living room. She had just come back from convincing Three to take some medicine and had been moving about the room ever since. It was a habit she had, whenever she was worried or nervous. It was the former in this case. Marie closed the book she was reading and turned her head to look at her sister.
“There’s more to it, isn’t there?” The green squid eyed Callie’s pacing, which was becoming much more vigorous.
“Their parents… It doesn’t make sense!” she threw her hands up but never stopped her pacing. “Three said they told them that they were staying at a friend’s house for the weekend but it- it didn’t sound right… Why would they let their kid stay out that late at night anyways? Especially in the rain! And another thing! Have you noticed that they’ve been spending pretty much all their time in the Valley?” Callie stopped pacing to look at Marie.
“Well, when you mention it, yeah. What about it?”
“Shouldn’t they be going to school? The districts around here are super on top of making sure a kid is there. The parents are almost immediately notified if someone doesn’t show up. You’d think their parents would do something about that, but they seem unbothered. Enough so that they’re just okay with Three spending a weekend at a friend’s house! Either they’ve been skipping this whole time and their parents don’t care, or there’s something else here. With how often they’re getting beat up in the Valley, I’m going with the latter.”
Everything was silent as Callie finished her rant. The book Marie had been holding prior dropped to her side and she covered her mouth with her hand in thought.
“That… is quite alarming.” She finally spoke after a few minutes.
“Right?! And Three gets all nervous when I ask! They literally flinched when I brought it up!”
The two stared at each other as a plan formulated in their heads. They’d always been able to think of the same things when the times called.
Terrifyingly, at the same time, they both spoke.
“We need to talk to Three about this.”
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imflyingfish · 2 months
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#i have no idea how to respond to the whole qsmp situation right now#i mean. i dont watch it or interact with qsmp ITSELF#only the fans around it#I have made fanart for it but not really because i have any particular attachment to specific characters but just because#its a very good springboard for character design and inspiration#Im very involved with the fanbase though as the QSMPnews discord is one of my main discords#and I mainly use the fandom space as a way of practicing/getting into foreign languages#although i dont watch qsmp it still has impacted my life massively in the last year#this clusterfuck of project management is difficult to unravel and know what to do with#and its difficult to know exactly where to turn your attention#or who to blame#since theres so many levels of miscommunication that hasnt been helped by the sharing of it online#i think. even if QSMP doesn't survive#it would be ludicrous to state it as an inherently harmful server#since there has been an evident change in the minecraft gaming space because of it in multiculturalism.#heck IM direct proof of that as someone who does not reguarly engage with the server itself via streams#the fact that as a result of a 21 year old kid deciding to start a sever I can end up with a group of spanish speakers trying to explain#various concepts to me in my language while i respond in theirs is. insane#so do i think that the qsmp will survive?#um. look i dont see how it can.#I've never thought that it could#but i dont think that im going to demonise fans or avoid content relating to it#considering how integral the fanspaces around it are to me and my personal quest for language proficiency#however I will attempt to keep qsmp posts on my french/spanish blogs#well that was. long-winded#idk this is a very self-centred look into the qsmp and this whole situation#obviously I hope that the staff get paid but. I really have no idea where Quackity Studios might get that money from or how the#server should either end or continue
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iqmmir · 6 months
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I am having muu thoughts
#.mimiming ❜#my milgram thoughts#basically about how she. just goes along with things#like her idea of friendship being 'letting your friends do whatever they want and giving them things (haruka and her school friends)'#she reminds a bit of mahiru#going along with popular ideas about love and friendship and how it should be#instead of like. communicating with their boyfriend / friends#she's also sort of. how do i say it. insensitive? im not sure uh#like yk in after pain she responds to her friend saying they like what she gave them with smth like 'i dont need it anymore but im glad you#like it' like. i dont know but thats sort of. do you usually tell people that this is something you dont want when giving it to them?#she does the same with haruka ('i gave him a hairclip i dont wear anymore')#like. i dont think decent hearted people who know her would mind since she means well but her friends. bullies.#they would see it as her sitting in her high horse. especially if she speaks like that often#there's also her idea of bullying 'ive never hit anyone or pored water on them'#and im pretty sure thats not all bullying is??#like. her friends did bully that girl in the rooftop and she was also there. and WE know thats bullying#but i dont think shes aware?? its like. she has a certain idea of how friendship is. she has a certain idea of what bullying is#she doesn't know how far is too far and how little is too little and whats socially acceptable#shes like fuuta in that aspect he didn't know when to stop when exactly he went too far#she also has like. this idea of what the victim is supposed to be like. yk. small cute was bullied for seemingly no reason except jealousy#her thoughts are less 'what they did was wrong because bullying is wrong' but more 'what *i* did wasnt wrong so they must be wrong because#*I* am the victim they must be the. whatever the opposite of victim is'#but its not like shes completely blind to the idea that she was in the wrong#in inmf shes shown to be the queen bee centre of attention leading others along destroying them when they don't follow#any instance of her getting bullied are completely gone in the mv#sorry i forgot where i was going with this#i am simply thinking about her#do you now see why i don't even attempt to make character analysises?
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borderlinegerard · 1 month
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i am the poisoned blood running through my tired veins
#my posts#personal#ITS SO MOT FUCKINH FAIR.#since he hates me now i dont care if he sees this and im pretty sure i fucking blocked the reat of them so idontfucking care#i hate all kf them so much and i dont fucking care how bad they hurt. i hurt too#for some INSANE REASON i was the only oke that had to apologize. why did they never apologize .#they know they hurt me. He knkws he hurt me.#when j say this they think im selfish. they can think what they want.#byt jts fucking crazy to act like im the only one tjat did anything wronh#i fucking admitted i was wrong. but it wasnt enough. notjing is ever enough for them!#if He ever tries to text me again im not responding. it was stupid of me to respons.#i wonder what he would say if he knew that i chose ro respond by chance of a coin flip#if it had landed on tails i wouldnt be making this post.#he cares more than i do. i dont have the luxury of caring.#he says “i led him on” but if he wanted skme speicodx kind of love fucking say skmething#i didnt knkw i was supposed to be differenr. if he had said that from the dtart i never would have agreed.#i didnt want to change for him.#he shouldve been different and he shouldve been better#i shouldve been too. but atleast i can admit ghat#what the fuck do you mean when you say you understand why j do what you do and uou get it so deeply#but then you still leave. does rhat mean you understand how much you hurt me that first time#it barely hurts anymore. but i cried four times last nigjt#now i dont feel it and now i dont care. youll never knkw little i can let myself care#ill distract myself until i forget all about you because i csnt let myself feel any of this#i dont care if im not changjng the way you begged me to. thats not an option rigjtnmow#im still fighting to stay alive. i dont know that you understand what thats like#you say you get it. i tjink you just say that#you loved me and i dont like that. i warned you and you dwatted my warning away#how is that all my fault.#how is all of this my fault.
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pallases · 7 months
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submitted my first app 😖
#😭 didn’t plan to start this early but they said to do it by tonight and now i am worried abt when other companies want their apps in. i#should have asked them#i don’t think they all want them in now tho bc one of them told me she doesn’t start responding until january which. probably means i can#wait a bit right?? i don’t know 😭#personal#the engineering chronicles#feeling pretty okay abt how today went actually one employer told me i have a very high gpa and that she thought she read it wrong and#another i was talking to abt how even though they’re not a primarily medical company they do do medical stuff and i named and spoke abt the#things they’ve worked on and he seemed impressed by that knowledge. so#really worried tho bc. there are hardly any medical places my school has approved to apply to for this and companies that dont do medical#stuff don’t want biomedical engineering interns even if everything but my electives is the same as an ee’s coursework. bc we’re not going t#stick around for them to hire post grad. like ppl from these companies are straight up telling me not to bother applying or that they don’t#accept apps from ppl in my major etc. which fucking sucks especially since in ADDITION to that the vast vast majority of the companies#that Do have medical stuff going on are mechanical or manufacturing based not electrical. like. what do you expect me to do here#there is one company (the one the guy seemed impressed w me abt) that does electrical and coding stuff and i am really really interested in#them. but as i said the medical stuff is not their main focus and they’re more an all around place. and they also won employer or the year#or whatever a couple years ago. which means Everyone is going to be applying to this company. ugh
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osachiyo · 8 months
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MEOWWWWWWWWWWAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
What happened to hello 😄 or even hi 😊
No seriously did all of my followers turn into cats? 😭😭😭
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protosstar · 1 year
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google what does it mean when someone travels 7 hours during a rail strike just to visit u in ur boring village for 4 days
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gibbearish · 2 months
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hm ive been thinking about it and i dont feel like that post is actually falling in the division being sown because like. theres no part of me that feels like these beliefs and behaviors are inherent to transfems, and in both that post and the long baeddel one from before i focused entirely on the ops and their specific actions/motivations. and i feel like if there /is/ a way to discuss things like this without falling into the trap, that has to be it. there has to be a way to address the actual issues without it just being about fighting and i can't think of a better way but. idk i do still worry it does more harm than good
#or maybe this is all just me making excuses for being just as gullible as the person i was mad about before#idk#im like. i want to be objective about things but i also know that true objectivity is impossible and that i will#always be biased towards agreeing with the things i believe given that yknow . theyre my beliefs. i wouldnt believe#in them if i didnt agree with them#so when i try to assess my own behavior and beliefs and come out of it going 'yep sounds about right' im like#well thatd still be what id say if i am wrong so this is meaningless#so i try to go off of like. the ways people disagree with me?#like that thing from before about 'what does it say about your beliefs that this is how you have to defend them' where its like#if i have a bunch of supporting evidence and go over my thing a thousand times poking any holes in it i can before anyone else can#and the response is something deeply ridiculous or disprovable by just Clicking The Link They Used As A Source#then that probably means im in the right‚ right?#but theres other times where im like. is my opinion actually solid or am i just being defensive right now#i dont feel like im being defensive but like no one who is does‚ they feel like theyre responding rationally#so i go back and reread arguments later to see if i still agree and i do which in theory would mean i am right#except it could also just be that im still defensive about it and thats why im still thinking about it and rereading it days later#idk. anyways do you guys think my psychiatrist was right about me not having ocd or should i revisit that IWBDKSBDKSN#origibberish
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depresseddepot · 1 year
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the case of the "coworker that knows exactly what I'm thinking and exactly what to say" strikes again
#aka she stopped by my desk today and said#''i have to say something to you. you don't have to look at me while i say it nor do you have to say anything back''#''what you are experiencing is trauma. you didn't need to be in the building for it to affect you.''#''i need you to really listen and understand that something really shitty happened to you and im sorry''#''it isn't a failure to ask for help or for time off or to drop out for a little while''#and i think someone warned her abt how i was acting bc she was then like#''pretending that you don't feel anything does not mean the trauma isn't there''#and i. ofc. cried like a baby#how in the world does this women always know EXACTLY what i need to hear#the ''you don't have to look at me or respond while i say it'' is what got me. like. girl you can see right through me huh#anyways i feel a bit guilty bc im worried she thinks she has to be a second mother to me now#and while i definitely need it (lmao) i don't want her to feel pressured to always Be Compassionate Like That to me#like. i am an adult and we ARE just coworkers#but man. to be percieved (affectionate) but also to be perceived (derogatory)#or whatever#i work with so many mothers that are way more touchy and wise than my own mother lol#like one of them has stopped me at the door every day since it happened and asked me if i was REALLY okay#and like. i guess they all could tell i was lying?? idk#i think my boss has been pulling people aside and telling them to take it easy on me for a while but i dont know for sure so#anyways. i also have had 1 day off in the last two weeks#all the better to dissociate through i suppose but man. i love money#this post is all over the place
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ty-bayonet-betteridge · 6 months
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two of the transfems youre friends with have been talking to you about the clinic they got their bottom surgery done at. apparently its dirt cheap, and the surgeon - despite some oddities and, your friends admit, poor hygiene - is incredibly talented. theyre more than happy to give you her phone number when you ask, and while it sounds simultaneously incredibly sketchy and way too good to be true, at this point youre just so broke, desperate, and tired of gatekeepers that you're willing to give it a shot.
you call on a thursday afternoon, and the call is picked up on the fourth ring, when youre just gearing up to hear an answering machine. the voice on the other end sounds like a middle-aged woman with a smoking habit trying to sound like a cheery, bubbly young girl, and mostly succeeding. hiiiii! what can i do for you? she asks. you say er im looking for a surgical clinic is this the right number? she says mhm! thats me. you say okay, i just have a few questions. she says shoot. you say do you take patients who arent referred to you? she says nobody refers patients to me so yes. then she giggles. youve never heard somebody pull off a giggle in real life. you ask okay, so ive been looking for a place to get my metoidoplasty done, can you do that here? she says i dont know what that is give me like five seconds. then the line goes silent. you can hear her typing on a mechanical keyboard and humming to herself as she reads. youre now convinced that this is not in any way a legitimate medical institution.
youre about to hang up when she comes back on the line. OH you need a dick she says. sure i can do that! does tuesday afternoon work for you? i have that morning free too but i HATE getting up in the mornings so id rather not schedule it if i have to. you say tuesday afternoon is fine, how long should i expect the visit to be? she says i dont know like seven hours? you say seven hours? she says yeah give or take a few, every person is different so i dont know what itll be like until ive got your cunt opened up. honestly probably best to take the whole day off just in case it turns out to be a tough operation. you dont respond to that immediately. she says oh shoot should i not use the word cunt, is that too gendered? sorry. you say no its fine. you say i thought i was just going in for a consult? she says i mean yeah if youd rather. i dont mind doing same-day but some people like having more time to think about their options. do you have somewhere to be tuesday night or something? you say no its just... no tuesday afternoon should be fine. she says okay great!
she gives you her address. she says knock three times so i know its you and not my parole officer. parole officer you ask? she says im being good i promise but i still hate talking to him hes boring. you say if you dont mind me asking what were you imprisoned for? she says the ones i plead guilty to at the trial were a hundred and ninety-two counts of first-degree murder with a parahuman ability, two hundred and fifty-six counts of physical and emotional torture with a parahuman ability, five hundred and six counts of intentional infliction of emotional distress with a parahuman ability, four hundred ninety-eight counts of aggravated assault and battery with a parahuman ability, four hundred twenty five counts of domestic terrorism with a parahuman ability and two hundred and twelve counts without, three counts of arson, two hundred forty two counts of burglary with a parahuman ability, three hundred eight four counts of robbery with a parahuman ability, four hundred twenty seven counts of abduction with a parahuman ability, a hundred eighty six counts of human trafficking with a parahuman ability, three hundred ninety counts of destruction of public property with a parahuman ability, eighty counts of possession of a controlled substance, more than three thousand conspiracy and complicity charges in various felonies, eighteen violations of the Geneva Conventions, and the unauthorized practice of medicine. i plead not guilty to the larceny, sexual assault, contempt of court, corporate espionage, and identity theft charges and the prosecutor didnt really try to fight it since i had already earned seventy life sentences from the other stuff so im technically innocent of those.
you dont say anything to that.
after three seconds of silence she says sooooooooo i'll see you tuesday? you say tuesday, yeah. what was your name again? Riley, she says. Riley Grace Davis. you say thanks again and then hang up.
you debate constantly during the intervening days whether you should go on tuesday. youre grateful your friend group is so slutty; it means youve already seen with your own eyes that this surgery is real and not just a lure to murder you. still, you have some reservations, which you think is perfectly understandable.
you call one of your friends whos been there already. she picks up and you say if this is a joke its only sort of funny. she says if whats a joke? you say the clinic. you say you DID give me the actual number to the place where you actually had your bottom surgery done right? she says yeah, dont worry the surgeons so sweet. you say she admitted to doing two hundred murders when she was on the phone. she says i dont know anything about that but i trust her. you say if i end up dead, kidnapped, or mutilated, its your fault. she says dont worry about it.
tuesday comes. you never agreed to an exact time so you show up as early as you can and still have it be "afternoon" in your mind - 12:30. you climb the rusted fire escape to the third floor door and knock three times. the door is answered by a woman six feet tall in casual but very nice clothes with frizzy brown hair and an expression you cant read. you say er, riley? she says nope. another girl pushes past her, exasperated. she's maybe five foot two and her wavy blonde hair is worn down, with a red bow in it. she's wearing torn jeans - naturally torn, not the sort that you buy with holes in them that youve always hated but the kind that were once normal jeans and now have worn through much of the fabric on the knees. her tshirt is faded and has stains that you cant quite place on it, but youre pretty sure it was once Eidolon merchandise.
she says damnit amy let me answer the door next time. the taller woman, amy apparently, shrugs and steps aside to let you in riley claps her hands together once youre inside and the door is shut. introductions! she shouts. amy, this is, er... I never actually got your name? you tell them your name. she says right! hes one of my clients. and this is Amy, my sister. dont worry about her, shes just a little awkward. amy says can you PLEASE not introduce me as your sister. riley says make me. then she grabs amys shirt and pulls her down, standing on her tiptoes at the same time. they kiss in a very un-sisterly way. you clear your throat politely.
riley breaks away and says right, yeah, sorry! i get distracted easy. youre here to get a dick right. you splutter a bit, both at the bluntness of the question and the fact that amy is still standing right there. riley follows your gaze. she says oh dont worry about her! sorry, i wouldve run her off earlier, i thought you wouldnt come by for another few hours. you say sorry. she says dont worry, its her fault. amy says you didnt tell me you had a client. riley says you didnt ASK. you clear your throat politely again. you say er yes, i did come in for metoidoplasty. she bites her lip and furrows her brow. she says metoido... oh right. well i dont really do that here but i can give you a dick. you say uh im not really interested in phalloplasty. she says whats phalloplasty? amy says its the construction of a penis, usually via tissue flap taken from another part of the body, often followed by the insertion of prosthetics to allow the constructed penis to achieve erection. riley says oh, huh. yeah i dont do that either. i can give you a dick though. she takes a second then puts on an exaggerated scowl. who would want that she asks? amy says lots of people prefer it to metoido for aesthetic reasons or because they dont think theyll be large enough for penetrative sex with metoido. riley says but it wouldnt feel like a dick! man, some surgeons are talentless hacks.
you clear your throat again. you say so if youre- riley says youre clearing your throat a lot, are you okay? you say im fine, its just- she says oh duh were being so rude! why are we all standing around here. come sit down in the living room, do you want anything to drink? she leads you into the living room. it has the unmistakable air of a room thats been cleaned recently, with vacuuming marks present in the carpet and the unmistakable scent of air freshener. the sofa that you're gestured to sit on is, by contrast, unbelievably filthy. stains of every sort are visible on it - some of them are obvious, like the patches of blood and vomit or the ring of a coffee mug. others take you a second to place, like the crusty streak along one cushion that you realize all at once is semen, or the sticky yellow parts that you hope to god are honey. some of them, like the muddy green handprint along one arm of the sofa or the deep black smudge along a seat, are completely foreign to you. you can smell it from several feet away.
amy notices your hesitancy. she says i keep telling her to throw that thing out. riley says and i keep telling HER that its a relic from earth bet! its an antique and itll be worth millions soon. it just needs a good deep cleaning. amy says what that sofa needs is a bullet, not a deep clean. you sit down. drink? riley asks. you say er what do you have? she says water, diet coke, vodka, coffee. no more beer though, SOMEBODY drank the last one. amy says you never said they were off limits! riley says they arent, im just teasing. you say waters fine. riley says aaaaaaaaaamyyyyyyy, could you pleeeeeeaaaaaaaase go get our guest a glass of water and me a diet coke? oh and can you grab the pill bottle on the second shelf of the spice cabinet. amy says sure, i'll be right back.
riley sits down next to you. she says sooooooo what do you want for your dick? you say sorry, if youre not doing phallo or metoido then what exactly are you offering? she says no offense but it would take like literally eight years to give you enough background info for you to understand my explanation, and i dont have that kind of time. im not getting any younger. except for when i am. she laughs louder than you thought a human could. you have no idea how to describe the sound of her laughter. she says just tell me about your dream dick and ill give it to you. trust me, im a doctor.
except that youre not, amy says, returning with glasses and pills in hand. she sets the water down in front of you and you immediately take large gulps, feeling very much lost right now. riley says am TOO, accepting the pill bottle and diet coke from amy. she frowns. why is it can diet coke, she asks? she says glass bottle is so much better. she says why did i even BUY can. amy says they are literally the same liquid, what do you mean its better. riley says theyre not the same, stop deluding yourself. amy says which of us is the REAL doctor? riley says both of us! the PRT finally issued me an equivalency. youre talking to doctor riley davis, MED. amy says oh really? congrats she says. riley beams. then she unscrews the lid of the unlabeled, dark brown glass bottle, grabs three pills, and pops them into her mouth.
what is that you ask. ectasy she says. you want some? you say no thanks. she says you sure? you say i probably shouldnt take drugs before an operation, what if it interacts with the anesthetic? riley says dont worry, i made my own anesthetic that has zero drug-drug interactions. amy says except with sudafed. riley says ok YEAH except with sudafed, how was i supposed to know? she glances at you. you dont take sudafed do you she asks. you say no. she says good. it was such a bitch cleaning the pus off the ceiling she says. you say huh? she says dont worry about it, you dont take sudafed. she says are you sure you dont want any ecstasy? i promise its pure. you say i dont want to get addicted. she says i can surgically remove the addiction pathway from your brain if that would help. amy says riley, no means no. riley says fine. do you want any ecstasy babe? she says no thanks. riley frowns. she says you guys are a bunch of squares. she pops a fourth one and starts chugging diet coke.
she slams the can down after drinking what must be half of it, wipes her mouth with her arm and grins. sorry, we keep getting distracted! she says. she says im getting into the start of a manic episode and that always makes me roll right over people in conversation. what do you want for your dick? you say um. i hadnt really thought about it. its not normally a choice beyond the type of surgery, you sort of just end up with whatever the doctors are able to make work? thats lame she says. why are normal doctors all so lame she says. ok, rude amy says. OBVIOUSLY im not talking about you babe riley says. and stop distracting me from my client! amy holds up her hands in mock surrender, an easy smile on her face.
you didnt bring a toy with you did you, riley asks. you say huh. she says sometimes people bring a toy that they want me to model it after and that makes everything a lot easier. you say no you didn't. you say i hadn't really thought about my preferences, can we go dealer's choice on this? amy pipes up. she says you REALLY dont want riley to go dealers choice. riley says shut up and get me another diet coke, i just finished this one. amy says yes princess. you honestly cant read whether it was meant to be mocking or endearing. riley turns back to you. ok, she says, lets start with basics. primate? canid? equine? suine? dolphin? i could give you a hyena pseudopenis but i dont know if that would be offensive. you say human is fine. she says please dont tell me you're gonna just be boring this whole time. you say define boring. she sighs deeply and starts massaging her temples. amy, having stepped into the room in time to hear the last bit of conversation, tousles rileys hair. she says sorry babe, customer's always right.
you work out the appearance of your soon-to-exist cock this way. riley asks questions about length, girth, hair, amount of semen generated, percentage growth when erect, and you try to give what you think are average answers every time. amy watches, bemused, the whole time. halfway through she leaves to get the bottle of vodka. she drinks five shots in fifteen minutes. you say i didnt think the human body had that much capacity for alcohol resistance. she says it doesnt. riley swats playfully at her arm.
eventually, riley grabs a set of crayons and a cocktail napkin. she says ok, i think we got it, scribbling furiously. she shows you a crayon drawing of a dick. this look good she asks? you squint at it. there are no measurements given and the medium does not allow you to make out any fine detail. you say yeah thats fine. amy tries and fails to hide a smile. riley chucks the napkin aside and rubs her hands together. boring parts done! she says. time to get messy she says. amy pours a sixth shot of vodka. she says dont forget the anesthetic first. riley rolls her eyes. she says OBVIOUSLY i didnt forget the anesthetic. she says ill be right back. as soon as she leaves the room, amy knocks back her shot. she turns to you. she says you mind if i stay and watch? she says i dont want to make you uncomfortable, but i like watching her work. shes cute when shes working. you say at this point youre not sure you would mind anything at all. you say at this point you dont think you would be fazed if she came back with a fully-formed dick wriggling around in her hand like a fish and sewed it onto me. she says dont tempt fate.
riley comes back with a black bag the size of her head, which she sets on the coffee table with a thunk. she points at you and says okay, clothes off. or pants off i guess. you can leave the shirt on. or take it off. i dont care. you take it off. she tells you to lie down and starts pulling things out of the bag. amy stands up from the sofa to give you the space to stretch out and sits on the coffee table instead, one leg pulled up to her chest with her chin resting on her knee.
riley pulls out a syringe from the bag, filled with pitch-black fluid. she says okay this will hurt for a second but only for a second. you say huh? she flips you over onto your belly and jabs the needle against your lower back, into your spinal column. it hurts like a bitch for all of two seconds and then you stop feeling anything at all in your lower body. you also cant move your legs, you realize. what just happened you ask, as she flips you onto your back again. she says i just killed all the cells in the nerves in your lower spine. she says its the easiest way to make sure none of the pain signals slip through, and she'll just replace them with living ones when she's done. you don't know how to respond to that.
she pulls more things out of the bag. a cartoonish array of different cutting implements come out. most of them are various sizes of medical scalpel, ring cutter, or saw, but you also see a pair of chunky pink safety scissors, a pizza cutter, a serrated bread knife, an x-acto, a drill with a comically long bit, a pair of wire cutters, gardening shears, and an awl. she says okay im gonna start operating so look away if you dont wanna see how your crotch looks while its being rearranged. especially if you think you might puke, i hate having to stop to clean up puke in the middle of surgery. you look away. you notice amy is watching transfixed.
for a couple of hours things go on like that. amy and riley make light conversation, with riley filling any silence by humming a wordless tune you dont know. the sounds and smells youre getting are enough to make you slightly sick; you continue not looking.
in the middle of hour two, riley stops. oh goddamnit, she says. what amy asks? riley says she forgot that shed need extra meat. amy says you started a surgery to give somebody a whole new organ and forgot youd need more tissue to do it? riley says shut up, im dumb. amy says no youre not babe. riley says ughhhhh now what. amy says just get his stem cells to grow the tissue you need. riley says nooooooo thatll take forever, and i have places to BE tomorrow, and if i stop putting pressure on him here hes going to bleed out through his cunt. you say wait, what? amy says well i dont know what you want me to do about this situation, i gave you my solution. riley says baaaaaaaaaaabe. amy says whaaaaaaaaaaaat. riley says i think we have some bacon in the fridge, will you pretty please with sprinkles on top go get it? amy says and what do i get in return? riley says a kiss. amy says id get that anyway. riley says my undying love and affection. amy says i have that already. riley says not making me angry at you so you can sleep under my roof without having to worry that ill turn your sweat glands into acid glands in the middle of the night. amy says that, plus i get to top tonight. riley says fiiiiiiiiine, just go get the bacon. amy gets up.
you say look uh i know you said not to question what youre doing but i kind of dont want a dick made of bacon, not to sound ungrateful. also did you say something about me bleeding out? riley says dont worry, if you bleed out ill put the blood back in, im a professional. you say thats not as reassuring as she thinks it is. riley says whos the doctor, mister? you say technically both of us. i have a phd in social sciences you say. she says wow, theyre just giving out doctorates for anything these days, huh? you say hey, rude. she says only teasing. you say anyway, uh, you didnt address the bacon dick thing? she says oh dont worry about it, my amys amazing, youll see.
amy comes back in with the package of bacon. do you need this in any particular shape she asks. riley says nah just give me a good amount of it. and make sure its spongy, so when he gets hard the blood can- amy cuts her off. she says dont worry, ive given you enough penises at this point that i think i know what penile tissue is like at this point. you say given her enough penises? what the hell does that mean? riley says hey, dont kinkshame! she sounds legitimately offended. you say sorry. amy pulls the bacon out of the package, holding it aloft in her left hand. you watch as the familiar look of a half-pound of bacon shifts and warps into a strange lump of fatty, spongy tissue of a waxy color. she hands it to riley. riley says thanks sis youre the best, love you! amy says no problem. riley says id kiss you if i wasnt elbow deep in this guys cunt right now. amy says kiss me after the surgerys done.
another two hours go by. the sounds of flesh being chopped, sawed, and stitched underscore riley and amys meaningless conversation about whether they HAVE to attend their acquaintance lisa's birthday party. riley says lisa probably wouldn't throw a birthday party if there wasn't some sort of scheme going on. amy agrees but says that doesnt indicate whether they should get involved with the scheme or not. you wonder dimly if you will ever feel your lower body again. you wonder if this is purgatory, an endless afternoon of lesbians bickering affectionately while one of them does surgery on you. you turn your head enough to look at the clock. its 5:26pm. where the fuck did the time go?
another hour passes. riley stands up. she is soaked up to her elbow in various bodily fluids - mostly blood, but youre not looking too closely. she says finally! she says just need to regrow your nerve cells now. you say is that going to take long? she says like twenty minutes maybe as she flips you over. you say ok. she jams a different needle into the same spot, injecting a strange yellow paste into your spine. she then flips you onto your back again. you feel brave enough to finally look at your crotch.
there is a completely normal human penis of average size there. you reach a hand down and touch it. you dont have any sensation in it yet since your nerves are all still dead, but it feels warm and soft under your hands. you smile, feeling tears come to your eyes. its over.
rileys talking. she says i followed your specifications except i had to cheat a bit on the nerves, you actually didnt have very many in your clit for whatever reason so your glans has maybe eight thousand fewer nerves than you wanted, sorry about that. she says i gave you balls in your scrotum for shape but since you said you didnt want kids they dont produce sperm. let me know if you want that changed she says. she says it should be fully functional in every respect, but if you notice any erectile dysfunction, incontinence, discoloration in urine or semen, priapism, or any other issue come back and we'll sort it out. if you notice it bleeding in ANY capacity, call me immediately. if im not answering call Amy, ill give you her number. if SHES not answering either then you can start seeing normal doctors, not that those idiots will know how to help you probably. if you want any changes to it call me and ill pencil you in to get it adjusted. get all that she asks. you nod. she says cool. she says itll be like $200, no rush if youre not able to pay right now. you say it might be a bit since youre still trying to pay interest on your student loan debt. wait, she says, they have student loans again? you nod. she says the world ended like thirty years ago, when did they set up student loans again? fuck, how much do you owe? you say a little under eighty thousand. she says jesus fuck, nevermind, its free. goddamn. you say thank you so much. she says yeah of course. do you want us to dress you or do you want to wait until you can move and do it yourself?
3K notes · View notes
leclercsainzz · 5 months
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ILLICIT AFFAIRS PART 2
PAIRINGS: lando norris x gf!reader / tom blyth x fem!reader
TYPE: social media au
WARNING: // cheating implied
part 1 - part 2 - part 3 - part 4 - part 5
yourusername
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liked by landonorris, tomblyth and 671,810 others
yourusername: the film is out! ❤️
tagged: @tomblyth
view 5,018 comments
user: seeing it tonight!!!
user: ya’ll see that kiss or??? 👀
oscarpiastri: do i still get those free tickets? 🤔
↳ yourusername: of course!
↳ landonorris: and me?
↳ oscarpiastri: you’re rich, shut up
user: wonder how @landonorris felt seeing his girlfriend kissing another guy like that
user: watched the movie last night and OMG
user: yn, do you prefer buzz cut or long hair on coriolanus?
↳ yourusername: buzz cut all the way!!!!!
↳ user: mother knows what’s up 😌
user: LOVED the movie!!
tomblyth: you’re truly phenomenal! ❤️
↳ yourusername: right back at you, my love ❤️
↳ user: STFU NSPAKSNDBFD
↳ user: @landonorris WHERE U AT, BRO???
user: “love” 😭😭😭😭
↳ user: not just “love” but “MY love” like?? 😭😭
user: watching it tomorrow, cannot wait!
user: her bf is stronger than me bc i would’ve been crying
user: DID YA’LL SEE THE KISS SCENE??? 🫣🫣🫣
↳ user: i was like 😮‍💨
↳ user: he kissed her like she was air 🫠 like the air he needs
user: the way tom’s looking at her in that third slide 😩😩
user: you both killed it, omg!!
↳ user: pov coryo took that personal 🤪
user: SNOW LANDS ON TOP, MF!
↳ user: on top of me, yes!
landonorris: you killed it, pretty girl ❤️
↳ yourusername: 😊
user: the difference between her responds to tom vs lando
↳ user: she’s over here calling tom “my love” while lando just gets some bs of emoji, i CANNOT 💀
user: lando be fighting for his girl’s affection, i swear
user: yn with tom 😩🥰🥰❤️😊😍😌😍😘🥵🥵😍🥰
↳ user: vs yn with lando 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
↳ user: i feel like she’s definitely in love with tom
↳ user: he’s also in love with her, its so obvious
user: tom NEEDED that kiss in order to breathe, i swear
↳ user: dude he kissed her with so much hunger and desperation had me giggling the whole time
↳ user: convinced that was just tom and yn
user: HAPPY RELEASE DAY YA’LL!!! ❤️❤️🐍
user: you and tom were truly phenomenal as snow and lucy
↳ yourusername: ❤️❤️
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landonorris
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liked by carlossainz55, yourusername and 698,974 others
landonorris: fun times with MY girl! 😘
tagged: @yourusername
view 5,274 comments
user: he really said, “my girl”
user: is she attending next race??
user: he saw all the yntom shippers so he had to shut them up real quick, honestly as he should!
user: PARENTS ARE BETTER THAN EVER ❤️❤️❤️❤️
user: what about tom? 😭😭 @yourusername
↳ user: girl, bffr
user: idc i’m still shipping yn and tom
user: lando said, “everyone can sit tf down bc she’s my girl”
yourusername: love yaa 😘
↳ landonorris: i love you too ❤️
↳ user: yntom shippers how we feeling??? 😭😭
user: idk why but her comments/replies to lando seem so dry??? like before she’d say the cutest shit ever and now it’s like she just comments bc she has no other choice
↳ user: seems like she’s falling out of love to me
user: @tomblyth GET YOUR GIRL, DONT GIVE UP
user: everyone who is constantly shipping yn and tom need to move on!! she’s literally happy in her relationship with lando
user: are they officially back together??
user: @tomblyth
user: @tomblyth
user: she’s soo beautiful!!! 😍😍
user: lando really said, “if she’s anybody’s girl she’s MINE”
user: ynlando nation rise!!!!!
user: i know she’s clearly happy with lando but her and tom are honestly just the cutest
user: @ everyone who still ships tom and yn
user: not “my” but “MY” 👀
user: he got tired of ppl shipping his girl with someone else
user: mate, you’re stronger than bc the way yn talks about tom is just INSANE! she’s in love with him .. open your eyes
carlossainz55: 🤩🤩
user: the emphasis on the “my” 🤭🤭
oscarpiastri: this is cute or whatever
↳ user: my fav boy
user: wait!! does that mean we will be seeing yn in the paddock again???
↳ user: i hope so!!! 😩😩
user: idk about you all but i feel like her smile/face glows more whenever she’s with tom …….
↳ user: definitely, i agree!
↳ user: that’s bc tom’s her ✨daylight✨
↳ user: shUT uP OMG OMG, YESSS
↳ user: i foUnd my people
user: i missed her, omg ❤️❤️😭😭😭
user: will she be at the next race???
user: i feel like if she’s in love with tom, she should dump him
↳ user: that’s harsh, damn 😭😭
yourusername
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liked by landonorris, joshandresrivera and 678,739 others
yourusername: a small bts photo dump:) 💗
tagged: @hunterschafer @tomblyth @joshandresrivera @the.sofia.sanchez
view 6,016 comments
user: hunter’s soo gorggg 😍😍😍
user: “a small bts” but it’s just tom
↳ user: it’s her excuse to post tom 🤣
user: the 6th photo was so unnecessary napaksns
hunterschafer: 😘😘😘😘❤️
user: wovey 🥺
user: yn’s down bad for tom, huh???
user: the chemistry they have on and off the screen is just unbelievably insane, omgg
user: 6th SLIDE??? HELLO??!!? MA’AM??!!?
user: I SHIP I SHIP I SHIP I SHIP
user: lando 💔💔💔💔💔💔
user: her and tom are DEFINITELY more than just friends and ya’ll CANNOT convince me otherwise
↳ yourusername: we’re just friends
↳ user: yeah and i’m jlaw’s daughter, but good try babe
tomblyth: my favorite girl!! ❤️
↳ user: SIR???
↳ user: bitCh what???!? 😳
↳ user: your what????
user: not him calling her his girl, BYE 😭😭😭😭
user: THIS LANDO MF BLIND ASF OMG 😭 iTs cLEAR THAT THERE’S MORE TO THIS WHOLE “friendship” BS
user: tHe 6th slide napaldndnfnc
user: not her posting the lake scene
user: wAit- are they about to kiss in the 6th slide??? bc i don’t remember no kiss in that scene
user: everyone is freaking over the 6th slide but the last one??? HELLO????? the hand on the chin?? 😩😩😩😩
↳ user: i thoUght i was the only one laswowhrbd
user: wovey, my love ❤️❤️❤️
joshandresrivera: love you, loser ❤️
user: their chemistry bro 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨
user: its the way he’s looking at her in the last pic
user: tom and yn took their “relationship” to the next level
user: patiently waiting for lando’s comment
↳ user: i don’t think he knows what to comment 😭
user: she looks so much happier with tom, i swear
user: yn, be honest, are you in love with tom??!?
user: nah i feel bad for lando, bro 😭😭😭😭
↳ user: bro is clueless
user: lando losing on and off the track
↳ user: 💀💀💀💀💀
user: i genuinely want to know what type of relationship her and tom have cause???? it’s def more than friendly
user: @landonorris
user: i feel like she’s cheating on lando 😬
↳ user: 100%
user: they weren’t acting in the movie 😭 they were just being themselves, i swear
user: lando is one of the strongest soldiers i know!!!
user: i feel so bad for lando 😕😕😕😕
↳ user: he deserves better (me)
user: if you don’t want lando, i’ll happily take him
user: genuine question are they dating?? tom and yn, that is??
↳ user: no, but they might as well be dating atp
user: ya’ll gotta understand that a male and female can be close friends without having to be involved in a romantic way
↳ user: PREACH!
↳ user: there’s a thing called cheating, yk????
↳ user: with the way these two act there’s definitely more going on than just a friendly relationship
imessage
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yourusername
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liked by carlossainz55, oscarpiastri and 674,836 others
yourusername: NUMBER ONE?!!?!!?????!!!!!??
view 4,946 comments
user: gagged the hater with this one!!
user: your singing had me captivated
thehungergames: ❤️❤️❤️❤️
user: CORIOLANUS >>
user: you were amazing
user: proud of you!!!
tomblyth: you did that!! 🤩
↳ yourusername: no, babe, WE did that!! 👏🏼
↳ user: “babe” 😭😭😭😭
↳ user: ma’am just say yall together atp
user: well deserved
user: singing was phenomenal, omggg
user: that’s what happens when snow lands on top!! 🤩
📌 pinned
user: number one in the world and in my heart ❤️
user: you and tom were absolutely phenomenal
↳ yourusername: 💗💗💗💗
landonorris: you deserve it!! ❤️
↳ yourusername: ❤️❤️❤️
user: lucy gray is stronger than me bc personally i would’ve sat down with coriolanus and talked it out
↳ user: no bc same!!!! 😩 like i can fix him
↳ user: i would’ve ran away with him, idc
↳ yourusername: babes, are we just forgetting that he’s the reason finnick’s dead???? or the fact that he’s crazy???
user: SNOW LANDS ON WHAT EVERYONE??!!?
user: proud of you, my love!!! ❤️❤️
user: not her holding a grudge against snow for killing finnick she’s so real for that LMAOOOO
↳ tomblyth: 😩😩😩
user: the real question is did snow ever love lucy gray??
↳ yourusername: i like to believe so, yes! but he definitely loved power more:(
↳ tomblyth: lies 😑 (i agree)
↳ user: please 😭😭 he’s so unintentionally funny
user: you guys all deserve it, each one of you was amazing!!
user: my snowbaird heart ❤️❤️
user: best movie this year, i don’t make the rules
songbirdsandsnakes: thanks to our favorite coriolanus snow and lucy gray!!!! 🤩🤩🤩🤩
user: the movie was amazing, well done!!
user: I NEED MORE OF SNOW AND LUCY GRAY 😩😩
↳ user: i think we all do!!!
user: well deserved, pretty girl!!!!
carlossainz55: proud of you, yn! ❤️❤️❤️
↳ yourusername: ❤️ thank you, carlos
↳ user: missing this duo 🥺
user: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
user: you and tom smashed it
↳ user: they took the “smashing” part too serious 🫢
↳ user: you did not 💀
user: my lucy gray 🤩
user: I NEED A PIC WITH THIS CAST AND THE OG’S
↳ user: yn met jennifer, i believe .. but same!!! 😩😩
user: your singing was phenomenal, babe!!!
user: why’d you leave snow at the end??? 😭😭😭😭
↳ yourusername: cause he’s crazy??????
↳ user: he just wanted to talk tho????!!? 😩 all you had to do was sit and talk with him and apologize to him????
↳ yourusername: so he can kill me after????
↳ user: he would do NO such thing
tomblyth
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liked by yourusername, landonorris and 684,830 others
tomblyth: it’s crazy to think tbosas is currently number one at the moment! this was such an unforgettable experience and i’m grateful i got to experience it with @yourusername ❤️
tagged: @yourusername
view 5,101 comments
user: I CANT, OMG
user: THE FIRST POST 😭😭😭
user: lando being in the likes??? 👀
yourusername: wouldn’t have wanted it any other way
yourusername: ❤️❤️❤️
songbirdandsnakes: snowbaird lives with you both ❤️
user: you both deserve it!!!
user: you killed it, mate! ❤️
user: they were both phenomenal, i cannot
user: both were incredible leads
user: it’s hard to tell if they’re just affectionate with each other or there’s simply more
user: if they aren’t dating, i NEED them to date 😭😭
user: they’re in love and nobody can convince me otherwise
↳ user: it’s so obvious
user: amazing leads!!!! 🤩🤩🤩
user: not lando liking 😭😭
user: SNOW LANDS ON TOP
user: you were amazing as snow! 👏🏼
user: does lucy gray haunt your dreams, be honest
↳ tomblyth: always
user: phenomenal actor
user: lucy gray or lucy gray??
↳ tomblyth: mhm .. none, i think i prefer lucy gray
↳ user: AS YOU SHOULD!
user: MY CORIOLANUS SNOW!! ❤️❤️ you were AMAZING
user: ya’ll cannot tell me snow didn’t love lucy bc he did
↳ user: he did love her in his own twisted way but he loved power more:((
user: i watched the move like 4 times already
user: if evil why so hot??
user: you and yn were phenomenal as snow and lucy gray
↳ tomblyth: ❤️ appreciate it, mate
user: why’d you betray my boy sejanus like that? 😭😭
user: LANDO IN THE LIKES 👀
↳ user: hes crying in a corner after seeing the first pic
user: they messed with our feelings 😩😩
↳ user: noo frr cause tell me why i was rooting for them knowing damn well how it would all end up 💔
user: i NEED them together
user: they look so good together 😩
user: you can definitely tell they love each other and not just as “friends”
user: well deserved!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
user: in my world snowbaird ended up together and are living happily ever after
↳ user: same!!!
↳ user: snowbaird and yntom
user: i know she’s dating someone but they look so good together, it’s like they are meant to be
imessage
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pt3??
taglist:
@geraltwintersoldier @love4josh @dudde-44 @coconut-dreamz @newlifeforus @loxbbg @dakotali @f1footballluvverr @mountmaason19 @poppyflower-22 @magical-spit @nazm145 @nikolaros22 @sincerlymatakorama @36babyg @bucket-of-fanfiction @gyunheat @dakotali @bucket-of-fanfiction @djoenthusiast @nyraahub @miglielia @aleidag1rly (if your user is purple, it’s bc i couldn’t find you)
2K notes · View notes
unendingphantasm · 2 years
Text
lukewarm beer isnt that bad ^_^
0 notes
neteyamsilly · 1 year
Text
i will soften every edge, hold the world to its best | 5
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summary ;; What could Jake do? How was he supposed to fight when he had no concrete opponent? PART 4 | PART 6 pairings ;; dad!jake sully x reader, mom!neytiri x reader, sully family x reader genre ;; pure angst and family feels notes / explanations ;; jake is so depressing here. i also took liberty with his character and the reasonings for his decisions in atwow, sorry in case if thats not how you see him LMAO happy reading 💞 please excuse my mistakes if you see any! ‼ I DONT TAKE TAG REQUESTS ANYMORE ‼
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“One chance, Jakesuli. You will only have one chance. Use it well. Our Great Mother favors you, that we know. But this favor hasn’t been granted to you. It has been granted to my granddaughter.”
“I won’t fail.” Not again. 
“What does failing mean, I wonder. Would you fail if you take her soul back from her happiest? Or would you fail if you let her have the peace our Great Mother has laid her into?” 
“I will get my daughter back. This isn’t her time. If Eywa has given me this chance, then she thinks the same as me.”
“You will take that honor from her, then?” Mo’at was being cryptic, but Jake saw through the exterior of the neutral Tsahik into an exhausted, mourning grandmother. “She was the daughter of Toruk Makto, and he was her last shadow.”
It came back to Jake in a gut-churning realization, it was his shadow that had fallen over you from the light of the torches on the walls as you’d given your last breath. It was his shadow. “No,” he refused, adamantly. “She will get to achieve greater honors of her own than that. I won’t be the one defining her ending.” The last bead of your songcord having his name, Toruk Makto’s name, was supremely wrong to him. He would not accept this fate for you. 
“Very well, then.” Secretly, she was pleased with him. With his answer. “Get going. As I said. One chance.”  
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Jake would never be able to get used to the magnificence that was Vitraya Ramunong, or, the Tree of Souls. To him, Pandora itself was a marvel already too good to be true that he’d fallen in love with, and abandoned his own race for, there was no getting used to the beauty for a human like him who’d only found it once in neon lights, ever. He could reach the end of his natural lifespan in this body and still there would be much left to discover. That’s why Jake was more vulnerable to one of the beating hearts of Eywa in the shape of a giant, glowing willow tree. 
No Na’vi was immune to the soul-purifying, all-consuming, yet being-dwarfing peace enveloping one’s very spirit, in a cradling hug as if they were nothing but a newborn in their mother’s arms. In here, only one fact mattered: they were childrens of Eywa, all of them dear, all of them seen, all of them safe and sound, including him, once alien to Eywa the way Earth was related to Pandora. Everything spoke to him here in a language he didn’t understand, but could respond to, again, in a language he didn’t understand, his soul doing the communicating. 
Jake was also a child here, Eywa’s chosen child. 
And he had come to her door for the most difficult request of his life, feeling like he was asking his mother for money right after he had crashed their car, unable to look her in the eye and expecting the biggest of scoldings for his shamelessness. 
This was nothing like asking for her assistance against the sky people, back then, he had agency, power, the clans backing him up, Toruk. If Eywa didn’t hear him, he would fight until the last drop of blood in his body was spent anyway, he was ready.
Now, he had nothing. 
Nothing to offer in return, not one concrete reason as to why he should have his daughter back other than being a desperate father with nowhere to return to other than the mercy of the Great Mother. He just wanted his child. Nothing mattered. 
Not how and why Quaritch had spawned right under his nose with an avatar body, not how they could even slither in without detection, not the threat of what the sky people could bring upon their heads with that — nothing, not now. Nothing mattered until he saw this through. 
Jake had found the will to quite literally tear himself from your side like nail from flesh only when you’d stabilized enough. Stabilized, as in, the faintest rise and fall of your ribcage Neteyam had to stare from where he was sitting like a sentinel for a full minute to spot, a tideless, still ocean only moving with whiffs of wind, his own breathing unnoticeable — to match yours, or to silence the sounds in his own body to hear better, Jake didn’t know. 
No sky person was allowed to take over from Mo’at and Kiri. Norm had told Jake none of this made sense, if the bullet had nicked the bowels enough and the dirt leaked into the bloodstream, the possibility of sepsis was eventual, and if it didn’t, you had bled too much anyway, a blood transfusion was necessary, and the internal organs... — Christ, the amount of bad end scenarios Jake had been subjected to was as if they were telling him to open a grave for you anyway. Tsahik had scoffed into their faces. The way of healing was something none of them would see, she had scoffed. Now ally, or not. You can’t fill a cup that’s already full. Jake was in a hopeless need for water into wine kind of miracle, and honestly, he wasn’t complaining. 
Leaving High Camp behind to set off on a journey calling for only him was one of the hardest things he’d done yet, the silhouette of you lying motionless, his family scattered around the tent, shadowed in their own mourning, folded into themselves was burned into his mind, glimpses of their pain visible from eclipses of light occasionally falling on their faces. A sight he never wanted to see again in his life if he could help it. It was a frosted, iron-thorned hand squishing his heart into ground meat. 
Tuk, ever the stingy monopolizer, had brought her favorite toys to scatter around you because she thought they’d comfort you the way they comforted her, had tried snuggling with your unconscious body and was warned by Kiri only to hold your hand instead. She had taken to playing with your fingers, the depressive gloom of years beyond her age crooked on her. Jake couldn’t stand the sight of the little girl telling you bedtime stories he and Neytiri used to, for a moment only, he could pretend you were just going along with your sister’s whims and smiling with your eyes closed as you listened. 
Kiri, buzzing around to change the bandage-leaves that soaked up some sort of sickly black colored puss every couple hours, had explained to him the salve they used on you was getting the infection and the splinters of the bullet they couldn’t get out of your body, which had turned the color of your blood into that — but the thing was, given the dwelling of the woodsprite in your mouth, they couldn’t feed you the porridge-like mix to speed up the process of blood production in the bone marrow, and she was exerting herself looking for some other way. 
Before he’d left the tent for good, she had handed him the bullet— or, the biggest piece of it they’d taken out of your body, it was a mere pursed and shriveled, tiny metal. The exhausted girl had stammered when explaining that whatever they’d hit you with, had broken into shards inside you upon impact, creating severe lacerations and lethal hemorrhage that they’d worked tirelessly to pick out.
Jake had stared hollowly at it for the longest time. This small thing. It was such a small thing that took you from him. 
The sentence that sent you away was also as small, and damning as this bullet. ‘Go.’   
Kiri had seen it sink in his face, closing her five-fingered hand on his palm, on the bullet. “You should get going, dad,” she’d said. “We’re okay here.”
Jake had taken one last look. At Neytiri wiping your body to clean all the congealed blood. At Tuk holding your hand. At Kiri trying to fill in shoes bigger than her feet. At you lying down with trinkets surrounding you like funeral flowers. And forced his body to keep moving when all he wanted to do was stay. 
He’d then heard Lo’ak complaining to his older brother outside the tent, “How can he be so cold?” The heaviness was getting to the boy, agitated and misapprehending. But he was always this way, if something was out of his control, the inability to act to change it manifested as frustration, blind anger. “Why is he so… unresponsive? Emotionless?”
Jake would have let it slide had it been about something else, but his children running their mouths not knowing he was a hair's breadth away from going clinically insane had gotten to him. He was burning alive. 
“You think I don’t care, boy?” He emerged from the tent like some last boss, initially not caring he’d scared the brothers. “You think I don’t feel at all? My own child dying in the same arms I used to hold her as a baby — you think that doesn’t faze me?”
Neteyam, the mediator, or rather, the blame-taker, ran to his little brother’s rescue, the latter too flabbergasted to form any words yet. “Dad, he doesn’t mean—”
“I know exactly what he means.” When the anger subsided, Jake sighed with the weariness of an ancient man. The flames had died before they could climb, he was too exhausted for it. Honesty and trust, as Neytiri had said. 
Having lost everything, having nothing to lose, and having a lot to lose were somehow simultaneously the same thing to Jake in the predicament he’d found himself in. “I know how you see me. You only know me as the person I want to show you.” 
Lo’ak’s go-to answer was presented to Jake on a silver platter. “Sorry, sir.”
It wasn’t what he wanted to hear at all. Jake wasn’t trying to get Lo’ak to bow his head. “Don’t apologize—” He cut himself short, licking his chapped lips, and after rubbing his face, he’d put his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “Lo’ak. Son. I feel this, alright? Of course I do. I’m your father.” He shook him gently, feeling the words weren’t reaching him, who was just staring at something on the ground off to the side. “There’s no greater pain a parent can go through in life than losing his child. You can’t understand what this means right now—what it’s doing to me. You will only know when you become a father yourself.” He gently tapped Lo’ak on the chin so he would raise his head and look at him in the eye already. And when he did, Jake said what he said slowly, hoarsely. “But know this. Know I will lose myself if I lose you, or any of your siblings.” He turned to Neteyam as well, who was watching in full alert mode. “I’m fighting not to lose my sanity as we speak.”
Lo’ak swallowed, unsure and weirded out to hear something like this for the first time in his life. Jake didn’t blame him. He was never emotionally upfront or honest before, not even used to it, more awkward with it than his boys were. But none of that mattered. Not anymore, after what happened to you because of his shortcomings. “You just look so composed—“
“I have to be.” Jake shook his head, eyelids hanging heavy, his whole head was heavy. “I just can’t crumble under it, do you understand? I have to be strong. I can’t lose myself in it. Your sister needs me. You need me. To be strong.” He took his hands off the boy’s shoulders, putting a palm on his cheek and patting a few, fatherly times before backing off altogether. “Never say that I don’t care. Never. I might not show it—and it’s a father’s duty not to show it, so my family will have a stable anchor. Get what I’m saying?” 
Lo’ak looked reassured, lighter. So that’s what Neytiri had meant. “How… how can I help?”
His youngest son’s inclination to get to the root of the problem and pump out solutions was in consanguineous with his inability to stop and wait, uncomfortable in his skin when he couldn’t do anything to improve the situation and was confronted with the intimacy of having to feel, always wanting to act. Lo’ak was like Jake in that way. Awkward when it came to communication. Dishonest with themselves.  
“Stay here.” Jake said, right from his heart. “Stay safe. I don’t wish for anything else in this world.”
Lo’ak’s eyes softened, and as the father, Jake felt the renewal of the bond between them, saw the understanding in his youngest son, saw something else than the guilt and regret over being caught after mischief, for once. “I’m sorry, dad.”
“Don’t apologize.” He shared a meaningful look with him, trying to convey, again, his apology wasn’t what he wanted. Yet, his sons were defaulted to saying sorry half the time they spoke to him nowadays. Jake was understanding the severity of it, too much too late. Lo’ak nodded, ears tipped down slightly.
Then he turned to the eldest. “Neteyam—”
But he opened his mouth before Jake could say anything else. Ready. Always on his feet. “Yes, I will—”
Jake clicked his tongue. “Rest.”
Neteyam was about to say yes to whatever he was told to do, as always, but stopped right in the middle of it, voice catching in his throat, eyes blinking in confusion. “What?”
“Rest.” 
“But—”
“Rest, Neteyam, I won’t tell you again.”
God knows he needed it. Neteyam looked like he’d been having night terrors for days, accumulated anxiety making him jumpy. “Sorry, sir.”
“Stop—“ Jake caught himself before he could raise his voice. “Why are you apologizing?”
Neteyam didn’t talk for a while. But when he did, he was looking up at him underneath his lashes, unable to keep eye contact for more than two seconds. “It’s my fault.”
“Bro,” Lo’ak said, a pitiful objection.
Jake knew where this was going. “What is?” 
“I should have been there.” He pressed his mouth into a thin line before furrowing his brow, closing his eyes. Jake knew what he was seeing, repeated over and over again in his mind. “I should have known right away when I couldn’t catch up to her. I could have prevented it. It’s my responsibility.” One tear slipped by as he hung his head. “My fault.”
There it is.
Jake had told him before. “You’re the older brother, you gotta act like it.” — even though you and him were more like affable twins than older brother and younger sister that he never had to explicitly be a guardian to you like he was to Lo’ak, he had to be thinking this was his biggest failure. Neteyam was just reflecting what he’d been taught, the standards his father was holding him up to. Of course the boy had been overthinking it to the point where he was the catalyst to the event by not predicting your fakeout. 
“No,” Jake rasped, after a beat. “This is on me first, and the sky people who got to her second. And that’s the end of the story.”
Neteyam, up until this point, had to bear half the blame, if not the rest of it, for the consequences of his siblings’ actions. Upon receiving this kind of answer, he startled with an incredulous gasp and full stare at Jake. “But I—”
“It’s not about you, Neteyam,” Jake explained, although the words were harsh, he had done his best to soften the impact. “I did this. Blame me, okay?”
‘How could I?’ was written in neon letters over the boy’s head even if he didn’t say anything. Too good-natured. He idolized Jake a lot more than the man deserved. “Mother was… she was… She is grieving, she doesn’t mean it.”
“You gotta stop making excuses for people, boy. Especially when they’re in the right.” A smile pulled on his lips, but died as it was born. “I pushed and pushed until we reached the edge, thinking there was never an edge at all. I should have known better. I should have been better. This is between me and your sister, and that’s why it is me who has to go to the Tree of Souls.” 
And he’d left, but not before pulling his boys into his chest, cradling the back of their heads against himself, the smell of home repulsing instead of comforting. Prickles on his skin was the comfort he got from being able to hug his children when you were absent. It didn’t feel right. 
He missed you dearly, an aching, gaping hole in his very being that only grew larger as he saw what you left behind half-completed or messy like you’d stood up and gone off for a minute to come back to it later — 
The unmade pallet from the night of your Iknimaya argument that Jake had shed tears on when he’d seen the state of it, having the signs of someone getting up from it like you would be returning to go back to sleep any second.
The unfinished bark plate you had set aside to eat later and fought Lo’ak not to touch it. a squabble Jake had to break before you started wasting food by throwing it at each other. 
The stack of fruits you’d gathered that you never shared except for Neytiri sometimes. 
The half-carved cup you were working on because the regular cups weren’t big enough for your water needs and you didn’t like to refill it about three times until you were satisfied. 
The incomplete anklet you were making out of rainbow beads for Tuk that was confidential to everyone but Jake, who knew from observing you, of course — you were missing a couple colors that you just couldn’t seem to find, nagging his head off to just let you roam around farther and there was no danger as the sky people couldn’t get in the vortex.  
The little animal doodles you scratched at your side of the tent when you couldn’t sleep at nights, waking Jake up in the process every single time to listen until your breathing evened out as sleep retook you in its arms again, because he was bodily programmed to startle awake at one single rustle in his living quarters from his Marine days and fell into old habits after the return of the sky people, he knew you had developed insomnia from being uncomfortable at High Camp, longing for your hammock cocooned in the safety and comfort of the forest.
And the dumb romance novels you had taken from the humans that you, Kiri and Tuk giggled about at girl’s nights reading out loud, Spider invited as an honorary guest at times, just so you could tease Kiri about him and annoy your brothers that they weren’t allowed in, but the human boy was. 
All of them had no owner now. Neither of your family members could look at them, your ghost would appear in precious memories beside your belongings if they looked too much. He didn't need to concentrate for a phantom of you to appear, you were everywhere he looked, and even now, as the gently pulsating lavender humming, a song from Eywa herself, right underneath the veinlike, labyrinthine roots was the cool summer rain on Jake’s sizzling skin, all he could see was your first communion with Eywa in his arms while Neytiri formed the tsaheylu, the clan spread all around them in celebration. 
“You’ve called, and I’ve answered,” he greeted in positivity. “I think this is the most direct you’ve been with me in a long while.”
He didn’t know if it was Eywa or you he was saying this to. He genuinely didn’t know. 
Kneeling, and putting his arms on the mossy, thick root, he looked up to see the woodsprites swaying and floating in the air. He reached for his braid, letting the squirming nerve-endings coil around the white-cored lavender thread closest to him, taking in the presence of Eywa, all around yet nowhere at all, but listening. No sign of you. Was he supposed to talk like this? Just like this? Was he not allowed to see you? 
Jake had to admit he had been harboring the tiniest expectation of meeting you somehow, or hearing your voice through the connection like he did with a Tree of Voices when Mo’at had cryptically informed him of his chance. But this was it? 
If he failed, this would be it. 
“I guess this isn’t all that different,” he said out loud, instead of thinking inwards where the confusion flew. “It’s been like this for a while now, you and I. You talk, I don’t hear you. I talk, you don’t hear me. We throw the same ball at each other only for it to bounce back. Monologuing to a tree is the same thing, except it doesn’t talk back like you do.” 
He looked up and around, there was nothing else to do. The air was the same as it always was in here. Always accommodating to what each Na’vi found comforting. “The last time I came here like this was to ask for Eywa’s help in the last stand against sky people. I told her I would fight either way, I knew that’s why she’d chosen me. All my life, all I’ve done was fight. Even when I wasn’t able to, I was fighting lesser battles with the excuse of not having anything to fight for. It’s all I’ve known. All I’ve ever done. It’s what I was best at.” His brow twitched, and Jake tried to keep his composure, not because he didn’t want anybody to see, no, it was to keep his shit together so he didn’t fuck this up. He had to be honest. His pride was the last thing he needed in his way at the moment. 
“You were born to a different man. To a changed man. To a father who could let go because he thought his family was safe. You got to meet the man I used to be when my reason for fighting came back from my star. I know you don’t like that person — you can’t — couldn’t get used to him. I know.” 
From the discomfort, his fingers dug into the moss first, and found the bark of the root, his fist curling on it next. “But I had to keep fighting.” He softly brought his fist back on the root. “The strong prey on the weak, that’s just how things are. That’s how I had it on my star. And my kids — you, you are weak, and it’s not an insult — it’s not me criticizing, Jesus, you are just children, and there’s a war on your damn heads. That’s what I mean. That’s what I’ve always meant. It’s natural that you are weak, Eywa was kind enough to let you be soft. Not Earth, though, never Earth.” 
Jake had to clench his teeth and bite the anger into the inside of his mouth to not be boiled alive — not to let it reach to your side. He let out a soundless snarl. “You would never be ready for the cruelty of Earth, I would never wish that upon any of you. But it was brought to you. Right at your doorstep. I couldn’t protect you from it by hugs and kisses. You wouldn’t be safe from a gun extended to you by extending a branch in return. No.” 
He reached and caressed the glowing thread, brows furrowed. “I did what I thought was right to prepare you. Every single one of you. I was making you tough. I had to. To protect you. And of course there would be clashing along the way, it’s what happens between parent and child. We fight. We fight like cats and dogs for dominance. You try me to show strength. I stand my ground to let you know you gotta do better.” 
He had fired those sentences with incoherent speed, and when he got to the end of it, Jake got choked up. Stopped for a moment, took a breath. Blinking several times, his tone became vulnerable, he didn’t have anyone in front of him, but he tore away his gaze anyway. “Somewhere along the way, things just… Without me noticing, everything…” He sighed through his nose, his voice nothing but a whisper. “I fought more battles than I fought for my family. I thought I was doing my job as a father when I didn’t even know shit about being a father.” 
A couple seconds floated by, and his gaze was stolen by a lone woodsprite descending down until it staggered on the fist he had against the root. The shine of it reflected from the mistiness of his eyes. His lower lip slightly trembled at the thought of it being you. This little woodsprite. You? 
“The thing is, I’m lost, sweetheart,” he admitted quietly, small, shaky, not taking his eyes off the woodsprite. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I sit here, I look back, and think why I keep fighting. We could have migrated. Looked for a new Hometree. Another forest. Left the humans alone. Or made peace. A treaty. Something. None of your lives had to be sullied by war. Yet I chose this. I chose to fight, as I ‘ve always done, because now I had something to fight for. And the fighting wasn’t limited to them, I fought Neteyam, I fought Lo’ak, I fought you, my own kids, and I didn’t even know.” 
He reached for it with his other hand, tentatively, scared that it would fly away with the slightest contact. But he was able to touch the top of the woodsprite ever so slightly, the little zap making all the hair on his body stand up. Jake swallowed thickly, his whole head on fire. “I don’t know what to do. I just miss you. I miss you so much, sweet girl. I wish you would scream at me. Say you hate me for all I care. Anything. Hate me until the day you die, but do it with all of your family surrounding you in old age, in peace. I would be content knowing you are under the same sky as me. But I’m forgetting your voice already, and I—” He held back a violent sob, hissed to not let it out, and groaned, getting angry at himself for the emotions. He shut his eyes tightly, willing away the tears. “I wish I could say these to your face. I wish I could see you one last time, smiling at me.”
Having everything to lose. Having lost everything. Having nothing to lose. Three different meanings had coiled around each other like snakes to become one singular outcome in linear relation of cause-and-effect through you. It wasn’t a cycle.
Having something to fight for. Having nothing left to fight for. Having nothing to fight for. You were everything. Everything. What could Jake do? How was he supposed to fight when he had no concrete opponent? 
“I see you.”
The voice — your voice, albeit much, much younger, almost made him jump. When his eyes shot open, Jake was in a different location. He knew this place. The creek away from the village he and his family often frequented. 
The twilight penumbra of the eclipse dimmed the shadows embracing the forest, but the ethereally glowing lights of all colors illuminated and got reflected from the water as if it was a mirror. Above and all around him were lazily dancing fireflies — or, rather, bioluminescent bugs he didn’t know the names of, tiny stars floating in the air like glitter. It was magical.
Jake realized with aching melancholy that this was the first time he’d taken you out on an eclipse to show you the beauty of the forest on a special father-daughter date. The exact memory.  
The breath that left him was shaky as he felt the presence sitting right beside him, in the corner of his vision, he saw the ripples on the shining water made by swinging legs. 
Jake froze for a second. Unmoving. Not looking at all — because if this was a dream, or a hallucination, he wouldn’t be able to bear it. His breathing got louder, more labored, the log underneath his hands was so realistically textured and damp. If he looked. If he looked, you would disappear. That’s how he felt. 
He was supposed to talk. But now, his ribcage was holding the words hostage, burning with the strain of the pile-up. 
“But I’m sad you don’t see me,” you said, and he was shaken by hearing your voice yet again, remembering the moment he found himself here, how he’d heard — ‘I see you’. “You don’t even want to look at me.”
So much hurt and vulnerability in that sentence that it left him breathless. 
It all happened in a matter of seconds. Him launched into his own turmoil racking his brain about how Quaritch was back as an avatar, ignoring to look at you to protect his composure and just trying to think, think — think, of a plan, of a how, of what to do. You calling after him once Neytiri, you and he arrived at High Camp after dodging Quaritch’s men. Him purposefully walking away because he needed to cool off and not to explode on you right there and there.  
That whole time, Jake hadn’t looked at you. If he did, he would have seen you needed help.
He shattered, all of his walls crumbling down, stripped down to bare despair. 
“Oh sweetheart.” Before he knew it, he had wrapped his arms around you in a crushing hug, basically snatching you off from where you were sitting and on his lap, and your warmth, your pulse, your tangible existence wrenched a shiver out of him — and he buried his face to the little crook of your neck, taking your scent in, hiding his trembling face and the quiver of his arms by holding you tight. You were here. As your younger self, no older than eight, but he had you. Not bloody and battered in his arms, but alive, so alive. “Oh sweet girl, my sweet girl… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He kissed the side of your head, felt the real tickle of your hair against his face, blessed with the soothe of his child’s smell. “I see you. Of course I see you. I’ve always seen you.” 
The snowflake-frail snivel followed by your sobbing sniffle broke his heart into pieces. “You’re a liar.” He shook his head, hugging you tighter. “You’re mean to me. You’re so mean to me.”
“I’m sorry.” That was all he could say. All he could do with his thrashing soul smoldering at the wetness of your tears on his shoulder. “I am mean. I’m sorry… You’re right, I’m sorry.” 
“It hurt so much.” You wailed. “It hurt a lot.” 
Jake began to caress your head with an awkward, clumsy, panicked hand, disturbed as to if you meant the moment of your death — at him pressing on the wound with all he had to stop the bleeding, or he and your strained relationship in general. “I know, sweetheart,” he said anyway, a stone clogging his throat. He didn’t try to explain, or tell you why, didn’t argue that it wasn’t what he meant to do. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. He had you in his arms. “I know. I know.” 
You wouldn’t get to be younger than this. And maybe, he would never get to see you be older, either. The thought crumpled his face like some piece of paper. Jake just wanted to hold you. And when you wrapped your little arms around him too, freely crying in his arms, a couple tears escaped his eyes as well, he didn’t know what kind of face he was making, perhaps it was better that you didn’t see him crumble. 
In the middle of it somewhere, he realized that you were younger because it was your inner child that needed this, she was more honest — more open with Jake. It caused him to sway with you back and forth, ribcage hurting with each breath. And you let it all out, clinging to him. 
“I love you, always,” he whispered, watching the bioluminescent bugs, when you were calmer and had fallen silent on his chest, not wanting to let him go and just listening to his heartbeat. “Even if I don’t show it — especially when I don’t show it. You are loved, my sweet girl, more than you know. More than you’ll ever know. More than I can show.” He looked down at the top of your head, agonized. “But I want to try. I want to show you more, moving forward.”
Knowing what he was insinuating, “But it’s nice here,” you said, voice thick and coarse from crying. You still didn’t pull back to look at him. Both of you, from the start of this, never looked at one another. Not once. Embarrassed and shameful to be honest, Jake thought. That pride you two shared. “You’re not mean to me here.”
But he needed to see you. You needed to be seen. So, as gently as he could, he unwrapped your arms around him, and took your baby cheeks in his hands, and looked you in the eyes. Another tear slipped from him. “You been listenin’ to me, right sweetheart? From the start?” You nodded adorably. You wouldn’t have said oel ngati kameie and accepted to let him see you if you hadn’t felt his true intentions and heart through him pouring it all out at the Tree of Souls. “I’m hiding a lot of things. But I want to be open with you. You wanna know the secret why I’m… mean?” You nodded again, more reluctant this time. “It’s because I’m scared.”
You gasped, genuinely lost and shocked, and he tried not to smile at the purity, the innocence. “You? You’re scared?”
“All the damn time,” he whispered, landing a kiss on your temple, his opposite thumb tracing a loving line on your other temple. “Every day. Every night.”
“But you’re Toruk Makto. You’re never scared.”
“I’m also a dad,” he said sorrowfully, as if he was giving out a secret. “And it’s precisely why I’m scared. I’m scared for you. For your siblings. Of losing you. It turns into anger. Anger turns into irreparable damage. Things I can’t take back.”
In the blink of an eye, you were back to your real age. For some reason he couldn’t quite grasp, you had shed the exterior of your childhood. But he didn’t mind, didn’t let you off his lap. 
“Don’t be scared, I’m here,” you said, putting your own small palm on his cheek, upset by the fact that he was feeling like that in the first place rather than whatever explanation he had. Your response was also childish, but he leaned into your touch anyway, comforted regardless, even if you were already gone — for this moment, he could ignore that no, you weren’t here at all. “If you told us, we would have been more careful not to make you sad.” 
Ah, he was being lectured on communication by his kid. It had a certain flavor of humbleness to it. Jake adored it nonetheless. “I know,” he said, “I’m sorry. I won’t be mean anymore.”
“That’s a lie.”
Jake couldn’t stop the laugh, though it was tottering. “Yeah, it is. But I promise you that I’ll never hurt you again.”
“That’s a lie too. Wasn’t it you who said not to make promises you can’t keep?”
“Alright, smartypants, let me rephrase it then,” the little glimpses of your brash self made him happy. “I will never intentionally hurt you, and if I end up doing so, unknowingly, I will always make it up to you. No exceptions.” 
You were acting uninterested, but stole intrigued glances at him. “How are you gonna make it up to me?”
“I’ll let you choose, how does that sound?” Jake tapped your nose. “In return, if I don’t know and haven’t taken the first step, you’ll have to tell me outright what I did.”
You deadpanned. “But I always do.”
“No, you don’t.” He raised one of his eyebrows. “You become passive-aggressive when you’re annoyed and pick fights with me.”
“That’s not—”
“Sweetheart.” 
“Okay, fine.” You huffed. The normalcy had made him forget just what he was doing here. “But you get angry.”
“What I get angry at is—” He cut himself off with a tongue click. “Not important. I do get angry. But at sincere honesty, us just talking it out, I could never get angry at that. Is the difference clear?”
“I think it is.” You were apprehensive about something, your fingers on his neck flexing as if you wanted to pull them back and break the hug. “But you have to promise.”
“I promise.” And then, Jake remembered, a new fire hardening his face, not in anger, but determination. “And speaking of which. I would never. Ever. Not in a million years would get angry or blame you for getting hurt to that degree — for others, humans, avatars, whoever and whatever the hell they are, hurting you, I could never get mad at you for it. Do you understand me? Your safety is the most important to me. I could never hate you for it.” His voice dropped down to a softer, gentler tone just above a whisper. “There is nothing in this world that’ll make me hate you. Nothing. I will love you through the most heinous crimes and in inexcusable deeds, you will find forgiveness in me even if there’s nobody left, that’s a father’s heart. Forever and always, I am with you.” He touched his forehead, and then yours. “I see you.”
You avoided eye contact. 
Ah, yes, the famous emotional awkwardness. He was sort of aware his feelings had reached you, you just didn’t know what to say. Jake hadn’t been like this with you for the longest time. So, he decided to make you more comfortable. “Yes I will get mad at you for breaking curfew, and yes, we might stop talking for a while and beef about the dumbest things if the fight is too intense — but always, always come to me when something is wrong. I will drop everything without hesitation.” He leaned in a bit to catch your wayward stare. “Got it?”
You murmured. “Okay.”
“Are we clear?”
You murmured once more. “Yeah.”
“Repeat it, then.”
There was something between cringing and unwillingness on your face, but at his pointed look, you sighed, giving in. “Always come to you if something’s wrong even if we’re fighting.”
“That’s right,” he affirmed, encouraging to let you know this wasn’t embarrassing. “What else?”
You shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Dad will always love you.” He nudged you, noting the flick of your ears in happiness when he’d said it. “Come on, say it.”
You didn’t look at him when you said it, but your voice was light. “Dad will always love me…”
“Dad will never hate you.”
Sheepishness took over, making Jake smile. “Dad will never hate me.”
“And. Come talk to me about it if I’ve ever hurt you without noticing so I can make it up to you.”
“Always go to you if I’m hurt and you’re unaware of it.”
“That’s right,” in this form as well, he gave your temple another kiss, heart soaring at your beautiful smile he had been dying to see. “Good girl.”
“You’re giving me a lot of power.” 
“Nothing my mighty hunter can’t handle.” 
The smile on your face died down. It came to Jake right away what had gone wrong. “Sweetheart—” “I didn’t mean that. You know—” But you didn’t know. Jake had to stop trying to make it easier on himself. “I’m proud of you. I’m so proud of you. About everything. About the ikran, I’m so goddamn proud. I said it, and I can’t take that back, I was angry and I was trying reverse psychology — you know what, it doesn’t matter. But you are my mighty hunter. Will always be.”
You got confident a bit, but were still testing the waters. “Well I proved I am.”
“Yes, you did,” he rejoiced, no rejection or doubt whatsoever. “Message received, Lima Charlie.”
You giggled freely, joyfully at the recognition, and Jake ached again remembering how much he’d missed that carefree, precious thing, he swore pixie dust was in it. You slipped from his lap to sit crossed-legged beside him, and he instantly missed being able to hold you close. “Wish you were there to see me.”
“Me too, sweet girl.” Your Iknimaya was a disaster. A long-passed, sacred tradition broken wasn’t as important to him as it was to Neytiri — but he knew she longed to see you complete it, by your side, as eagerly as he did. And you had been alone in your pride, when he knew from a very young age, you had been the most excited for it. Everything had been ruined and there was nothing he could do to undo it. “Will you tell me about it?”
The phantom of pensiveness on his face hadn’t quite registered with you yet, getting excited to tell him all about it like nothing had happened the moment you knew Jake wanted to know. As if you weren’t dead. As if nothing was wrong. “Well first of all, I broke Neteyam’s record.”
A mournful smile tugged on his lips. “Did you now?”
“Hell yeah!” You started gesturing with your arms. “It took, like, two minutes? One minute? Too easy.”
“You know easy means the ikran didn’t give you much of a fight, right?”
“Or, or.” One finger was raised up at him to raise another option. “I was too skilled.” 
“The ikran might have been meh about you.” Jake teased. “You sure it chose you? Or did you just chase it down and it was stuck with you?”
“That’s so wrong!” He threw his head back to laugh at your outburst. “He was watching me get there the whole time! Like, from the start. His eye was on me, I just know it. You’re just jealous you didn’t get Bob like I got Jack. I was badass.”
That made him pause. “Jack?”
“Yeah, his name’s Jack.”
He couldn’t imagine Neytiri’s reaction to the blandest name imaginable, oh god. “Why?”
“Named him after you.” You tipped your head at him, raising your brows. “It’s healing, you know. He listens to me without questioning. He’s also very sweet. Unlike a certain someone.” 
“Oh you little shit—” 
“I didn’t say anything.” Raising your hands in defense first, you crossed your arms on your chest next. “Certain someone can mean anyone. It can mean Lo’jack—”
“Lo’jack, really? Really?” Jake half-snorted, half-scoffed. “This a new one after Lovak?”
“Jackiri—”
“Jackiri is pretty sweet, c’mon now,” he gave a blank stare. “Hope you’re not gonna say Jackeyam.”
“Jacktirey?” You asked, undecided. “She’s an anklebiter.”
“Oh, for sure.” 
“Could be Jack the Ripper, Bojack Horseman, Jack-in-a-box. Jack-o-lantern.”
“All people, of course.”
“Yeah, all people.” You snapped your fingers in mock-remembrance. “Hit the road Jack.” 
“Oh wow, even him?” Jake lowered his voice, leaning towards you, mocking astonishment. “Legendary figure, that guy.”
“Jack of All Trades.”
“Well, that ikran really seems to be one to me.”
“I know, right?” You stopped, and he saw that thought process, and before he could open his mouth, you blurted it out. “Unlike a certain someone I know.”
“You punk.” Jake pushed you lightly by your shoulder. “You’re pushin’ it.”
You smiled with all your teeth at him, with hands on your calves, leaning down to act cute, and Jake could pretend this was normal. That he’d fixed everything. And all was right in the world now that you were laughing with him — he’d made you smile. . 
But suddenly you looked scared, looking at something over his shoulder, shrunken pupils focusing on him and whatever it was rapidly. It kicked him awake from his delusion. He tensed, tail jumping upwards, straight as a rod. “What is it, sweetheart? What’s wrong?”
Your breath hitched, and the next thing he knew, you had pushed him away, and he was falling towards the water. The last thing he saw was only a blur of you — the bioluminescent bugs became shooting stars with a thread of glow left behind them, the whole world tilted, but he didn’t hit the water, instead, he rolled down the small slope he had to climb to reach the tree. 
Disoriented, he saw the root was almost split in half — bullet marks, a cloud of splinters and debris was flying around where he used to be sitting. 
A lone avatar just ahead. Having made it all the way to the Tree of Souls. He didn’t know where this man had come from. 
Heart picking up and roaring in his ears, all Jake could think about was, One chance. 
He hadn’t even spoken to you properly yet, hadn’t said all the things he wanted to, hadn't even gotten your word, and this man — this son of a bitch — humans had taken you once again. 
Once again. 
You will only have one chance. 
“Lucky asshole,” the man looked at him behind the barrel of the long assault rifle. “Gonna make you pay for what you pulled yesterday.”
Your ethereal smile going up in smokes at the back of his head, Jake saw red.  
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amsznn · 2 months
Note
Hey can you do one where the reader has a crush on Matt.She is very much giving heart eyes and tries to do anything to make him happy.Matt being oblivious complains to his brother about it.Nick and Chris smack some sense into him saying how lucky he is to have someone like us care about him.Matt disagrees and the reader hears this causing her to stop not wanting to make him uncomfortable.Matt misses the way things use to be and gets jealous when learning the reader is going out on a date.At the end they have an argument and he tells her how he really feels.Lots of angst in the beginning fluff towards the end please!!
OVERBEARING - m. sturniolo
warnings: slight cursing, angst at start, fluff at the end
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you couldn’t deny it anymore. and you dont think it went unnoticed either.
the lingering gazes, to the more than normal laughter at his jokes, or the constant acts of service. how you were willing to do anything for him. just him.
matthew sturniolo.
you thought your constant need to be near him was just you wanting to be better friends. that was until your feelings started growing stronger.
“y/n, helloo.”
you brought your attention to the voice you found yourself loving so much.
“sorry, what?”
“i asked if you could pass the remote.” matt repeated while settling down beside you on the couch. you nodded and reached over to grab the remote to hand it to him. it was around 1 AM, and it was just the two of you. nick and chris had went to their rooms while you and matt decided to watch a movie.
“want me to get you a blanket?” you whispered as matt stared at the screen to the opening of the movie.
“no, im good.” matt says. you nodded and turned your head towards the movie. about five minutes or so passed when you asked another question.
“hungry?”
“nope.” matt responds, adding a ‘pop’ to the p to exaggerate his response. you mumbled an ‘okay’. a few beats of silence passed before once again, you asked.
“are you sure-”
“y/n, please m’ just trying to watch the movie in peace.” matt sighed. he was getting frustrated by the second. after a long day of filming with his relatively loud brothers, the only sounds he wanted to hear were the actors on the tv.
but this was only one example of your persistence. you were always clung to matt’s side. following him like a lost puppy at all times.
always there to cook him up a meal after his long day, willing to do any of his chores that he just didn’t feel like doing, even soothing him to sleep on those tough nights where everything went blank.
nick would sometimes make fun of matt. it almost seemed like you were his mother with the way you acted. but thats not what you were trying to come off as. you simply just had a lot of love for the boy that you weren’t really ready to confess yet.
but for matt? he didn’t see your clinginess as a good thing, in fact he began to hate it once nick pointed it out.
on one particular day matt decided to bring it up to his brothers while they were in nick’s room.
“i just don’t get it, like she’s just always there.” matt says while pacing around the room.
“is that a bad thing?” nick asks while organizing the clothes in his closet.
“i mean it wouldn’t be if she didn’t act like im some sort of child.” matt sighed while plopping down at the edge of the bed.
“i dunno, i’d love to have someone like y/n. she literally does everything for you bro.” chris laughs while slightly nudging matt.
“yeah..” nick yells from his closet. “don’t know why you’re bitchin’ bout it she’s literally helps you with like…” nick took a pause to think. “everything!”
matt scoffs before shaking his head. “yeah well it’s nice before it gets fucking unbearable.”
unbeknownst to matt, you could hear this whole conversation. you had came to drop off some food for the triplets, and since you had an extra key you went straight in. now you would’ve made yourself known until you realized you were the topic of their conversation.
to say you were hurt from matts words was an understatement. you quickly rushed out of the house, tears streaming down your face recounting every scenario where you were overbearing.
-
hours turned into days and days turned into weeks. matt hadn’t heard from you in a while. he expected to wake up to your daily morning texts, but nothing. after he shrugged that off he expected you to come over like you usually did. but once again, you didn’t.
he found himself longing for your presence more than he ever did.
you both went no contact until you came over, seeking nicks assistance since you had a date that night in hopes that your little crush on matt would subside.
you had went the whole time without speaking to the brunette. opting for a simple ‘hey’. matt was confused. why were you suddenly so distant? sure he wanted space at times but this is not what he had in mind.
matt finally snapped when you attempted rushing out their house, bidding matt goodbye with a meek ‘see ya’.
matt rose from his spot on the catch before making his way towards you. “are you gonna tell me what’s going on, or are you gonna keep avoiding me?” matt said while crossing his arms on his chest.
you could only roll your eyes before slipping your shoes on. “i dont know what you’re talking about, but i have to go.” you spat harshly before spinning on your heel.
“woah, what’s up with you?” matt yelled, shocked at your sudden anger towards him. he pulled you back by your wrist so you could face him.
“y’know if you found me ‘overbearing’ you could’ve just told me.”
thats when everything came back to matt. instant regret washed over him as he gazed upon your solemn expression. the same eyes that used to hold so much adoration for him now hollow.
“i’m so sorry y/n. i know theres no excuse to what i said but i was just being stupid.” matt sighed while running a hand down his face. “you’re far from overbearing, in fact i...i really miss you.”
“really?” you mumbled while your facial expression softened. matt nodded before embracing you in a tight hug to which you reciprocated by wrapping your arms around his waist. your date long forgotten.
“you’re amazing the way you are, and im sorry if i made it seem any other way.”
you smiled at matts words before leaning up to look at him. “just tell me next time, okay?” matt smiled and lightly pecked the side of your temple. happy to have finally gotten you back.
the version of you he loved.
and the version of you he would always cherish.
-
A/N: sorry this should’ve came out yesterday but i had to study for an exam. i have also been experiencing writers block but i have a new matt series in mind so stay on the look out for that!
tags:
@junnniiieee07 @tillies33ssss @whore4matt @stellarsturns @summerl986 @inveigledvex @beccaluvschris @stingerayyy2 @bunnysturns @braindead4l @vickyzloserz @sturnzsblog
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ohdeerfully · 2 months
Note
hi! I have a request, I've never really done this before but I'll give it a shot. so my request is that Charlie is tasked by heaven to watch over a very special human soul via a device that is like a full 360 VR kind of setup and this soul just so happens to be Alastor's immortal wife (he didn't know she was) whom he thought had died with him during a bad event and wound up in heaven but she didn't and She stayed the same since the 1930s like her looks stayed the same and her love for Alastor stayed too she never once tried to move on even when her new friends in this time tried to get her a guy but she just refused still wearing the wedding ring her gave her
I hope it's not too much to ask it can be changed to whatever you see if you have full creative control over it!
thank you for your brain anon
theres a couple awkward POV shifts in the story and im super duper sorry about that D: im not good at those
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An Eternity
alastor x reader (angst) TW: reader is female, reader gets a lil drunk and drives but shes fine(i do not condone this pls dont drink and drive im so serious), yearning goes ouchie ):
join my discord!
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Alastor rarely, if ever, talked about his time alive. He saw it pointless; a waste of time and energy. How could it benefit him if somebody else knew his history? If anything, it would only open up weak points. And, being an Overlord, he couldn’t afford that.
The only hint of his past was a band on his finger that he never took off. Even after decades in Hell, nobody saw him without it.
People often asked, of course, because how in the Hell did the Radio Demon get hitched? Even in life, he was probably just as unusual and off putting. These questions were always met with a dismissive wave and a laugh, but anybody who knew him—which wasn’t many, truly—would recognize the strain in his voice as he brushed them off. Whatever the story was seemed to only grow more painful with time.
He was deep in thought, humming absently as he trailed through the hotel. He ended up meandering by Charlie’s room, which was cracked open. He took this as an invitation to let himself in, cheerfully grinning as he saw the girl sitting on the edge of her bed looking extremely confused.
“Hello, dear!” He announced himself, standing up straight and fixing his bowtie with one hand. “What does this afternoon have in store for the Princess of Hell?”
“Heyy, Al,” Charlie responded, still frowning at the contraption in her hand. It was a rather bulky thing; an unappealing piece of new technology, Alastor decided. Still, he loomed from behind Charlie with a curious bend in his neck. Her shoulders were stiff, and he couldn’t tell if it was from frustration with the thing in her hand or discomfort at him watching her. 
“What is that peculiar thing?” He finally asked, since Charlie made no attempt at explanation. She seemed too focused to really pay him any mind.
“Something Heaven gave me to watch some curious soul they can’t control,” She murmured, fiddling with a couple buttons and knobs. “They’ve got me doing some ridiculous things. I mean, some human soul shouldn’t even concern me. But, they promise these favors will help with my hotel.”
Alastor hummed in response. He of all demons would recognize a manipulation tactic when he saw one—convincing a powerful demon princess to do your chores and promising to help her desperate project in return seemed like something the angels would do. He didn’t care one way or another, as long as Charlie’s naivete didn’t get in the way of his own goals.
He took a few steps back when Charlie stood, seemingly finished with setting up the box. He grinned, amused, when she pulled it over her head. It wasn’t the most flattering thing, and pretty bulky on her face. She looked ridiculous, honestly.
“Modern technology,” He sighed dramatically, leaning down onto his cane as he continued to observe her. “Only getting uglier.”
Charlie didn’t respond to his comment, looking around at what Alastor saw as nothing. She played around with the settings again, and adjusted the straps on her head again, before looking around again. She let out a successful sounding “hell yes” before pulling a remote of sorts from her pocket. She pushed on a joystick.
“What are you doing?” Alastor asked plainly, the building curiosity finally becoming too much. “Why do you have a box on your head?”
“It’s like…” She began to explain, trying to think of how to make sense of it to him. “Like… imagine you were looking through the eyes of somebody else, but still standing in the same spot..?” Her voice tilted at the end, unsure of her explanation.
Yeah, no, Alastor had no clue. But he dismissed it as unnecessary, as he often did with any technology he couldn’t understand.
“I’m seeing… Earth, I guess,” Charlie explained more. “Following around this girl.”
Alastor was only partially listening, humming quietly to himself as he just observed. He wondered if he should just leave—nothing interesting was happening. He was curious to see what antics Heaven was pushing on the Princess of Hell, though.
“Wanna try?” Charlie offered, lifting the headset up away from her eyes. Alastor immediately scrunched his nose up and narrowed his eyes.
“And look as ridiculous as you? Hah! No thank you,” He sat down on a chair near the wall, leaning against the back of it. He threw one leg up over the other. Charlie shrugged in response, and pulled the contraption back down.
Alastor sat for a while, absently thinking about what he wanted to do later as he waited for something to happen.
“Oh! Hold on,” Charlie suddenly said, causing Alastor’s ears to straighten to attention as she reached up and pressed a button. A holographic projection appeared out of nowhere, manifesting through some strange magic. “Forgot I could do that. This is what I’m seeing in here.” 
Alastor stood and walked closer, leaning forward on his cane as he studied the projection. It seemed like some kind of bar. He mused at how different modern bars looked from the speakeasies he would frequent during his own life.
“What heavenly task are you doing in a bar?” He joked, trying to find something interesting in the projection. It just seemed like generic bar business. Loud, flirtatious women and boisterous, over confident men. That, at least, was the same from his day.
“Like I said earlier,” Charlie explained, looking around the room. The projection seemed to follow her movement, and Alastor recognized that he was basically seeing through her eyes. How curious. “There’s some… soul they lost control of. And they want me to report to them about her.”
Alastor was very curious to see what kind of soul broke from control of literal heaven. He watched rather intently, leaned forward against his cane to watch the projection.
Charlie turned another knob, and the sound of tacky pop music and loud chatter began to emanate from the bar scene. Alastor wasn’t a fan of newer music, but he was often forced to listen anyway in the hotel lobby.
“Is it possible to turn down that dreadful noise?” He complained to her, announcing his dissatisfaction.
“No. I need to be able to hear what the woman is saying,” Charlie answered stubbornly. Alastor’s microphone of a cane began to obnoxiously play a song of his choice for a moment in retaliation, but died down after a few moments. After all, Charlie ignored his attempt at aggravation, so there was no point in keeping it up.
Charlie looked around the bar, searching. Finally, her gaze settled on a fancier booth with half drawn curtains. From her angle, she could only see a woman. She looked frustrated.
“---get out of your shell! It’s about time you start talking to some guys for once,” Charlie caught the tail end of the woman’s statement. She was gesturing wildly around, exasperation evident in the jagged movements. “I’m sick of watching you pine for somebody who’s been gone for ages.”
“Ten years isn’t ages, Mechiele,” You drew your finger against the table, making shapes with the rim of water that the condensation from your glass left. Nearly a hundred years, more like, You commented to yourself. You never told anybody that you were an immortal being. Nobody believed you when you did, anyway.
You sat your cheek against the palm of your hand and lifted your gaze to your friend, who looked at you with a sharp frown. You shot her a weak smile. 
“Can you just drop it?” You asked, nearly pleading. You didn’t want to cry tonight, being a little tipsy—you were an emotional drunk. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself blabbering about a dead husband.
“Come on,” Mechiele said impatiently, pushing your pleas aside. “There’s so many hot guys in here, I bet one would just love to take a piece of work like you home and-”
“Mechiele.” You hoped your tone was enough to shut her up.
You should’ve known better, honestly. Mechiele was already abrasive when she was sober, but with the amount of drinks she’s had tonight…
“No, no, no! You bum! Get your ass up right now and get out there! And take that ring off while you’re at it!”
Mechiele quickly lunged at you, a much too playful look in her eye considering how pissed you were right now. You yanked your arm away from her grasp, cupping your hand protectively with the other, shielding the golden band on your finger from her.
“Fucking drop it!” You snapped at her, standing from your seat. “I’m going home. You’re too drunk. I’ll drive.”
“You’re so fucking lame,” Mechiele droned, falling back into her seat. She wouldn’t budge when you urged her to stand and come with you. “He’s fuckin’ dead! Get a new man, already! Alastor’s not-”
Mechiele stopped abruptly when you smacked her. It wasn’t an incredibly hard smack or anything, barely enough to leave a red bloom on her cheek, but it was enough. She looked at you through narrowed eyes. You returned the same expression.
You left the booth and stormed off, cursing under your breath about it all. About Mechiele, about this stupid bar, about the tipsy feeling in your head, about Alastor—
You folded your arms together as you briskly walked to your car, yelling in frustration at your heels and ripping them off your feet. The ground was a little wet and cold, but you didn’t care. After making it to your car, you threw yourself in an switched it on.
You thought for a few moments. You were lightheaded after a few drinks, but you really didn’t want to wait for a taxi. You’d probably be fine, yeah? Sure. Against your better judgment, you began to drive.
It was a long drive, but it gave you some time to think.
You missed him. You pined for him. Nearly every night was agony, missing the presence of the only man you’ve ever fallen in love with.
You cursed whatever higher power there was for making you this way—immortal. How cruel it was, to make you live forever to suffer this longing. You didn’t even notice when you ended up in your room, but you let yourself fall face first onto your bed, curling up into a ball.
Even more, you cursed yourself for ever falling in love. You should’ve known it would only lead to an endless torture of heartbreak. You would never love anybody the same; although, you don’t think you’d want to, even if you could.
You were born to suffer. To spend an eternity in life without him.
Charlie continued to watch in shock for a few moments, her mouth dropped at the mention of the Radio Demon’s name. The previously hidden woman stepped from the bar, a furious look in her eyes as she stormed away. Mechiele was left with stubbornly folded arms and an empty glass of alcohol.
“Heyyy, uh, Al, how common is your name..? Do you know…” Charlie asked a bit awkwardly. She got no response. She lifted the headset, and realized he was gone. Even still, there seemed to be a lingering feeling of intense static, and the air somehow felt a bit heavier than before.
This had to be some cruel, sick joke, right? Heaven had to be toying with him, finally finding a way to torture his soul. His wife—she was dead. It had been nearly a hundred years since he died, and even if she had lived till she was old—
Alastor was pacing his room, ears pinned and eyes wide in frantic thought. Oh, how he yearned for her. He had managed for so long to push the memory of her away, to lock up his loss in a tight cage as he climbed the ranks of hell; it had all come rushing, barreling, torrenting back when he had seen her—or, no, somebody that looked like her—step out of those curtains. It was only a coincidence that that woman looked like his wife, and only a coincidence that she had a dead husband that shared his name.
His wife was in heaven, no doubt; which was where she belonged, of course, but Alastor had spent the last decade pining for somebody who he could never see again. If given the choice, Alastor wasn’t so sure himself if he was kind enough as to not tear her soul from Heaven and down to Hell by his side. Alternatively, even if Charlie’s idea of redemption were to work, Alastor was truly irredeemable. It was all wistful thinking, anyway.
Alastor’s claws dug into the curtains of his window, staring out into the streets of Hell in an attempt to concentrate on one steady stream of thought.
When billions of people touch the Earth, it’s only natural that coincidences like this rise. Right? He tried desperately to convince himself of different possibilities. It just made no sense.
A knocking at his door made Alastor’s grin curl in deadly malice. He really wasn’t in the mood.
He paced to his door, opened it just enough to fit his body in the frame, and glared down at Charlie. She was wringing her hands together nervously, and only seemed to grow more timid as the heavy, almost palpable ambience of his radio static filled the hallway she stood in.
“I’m busy,” Alastor said bluntly. His lips were curled in a sneer.
“I can tell,” Charlie responded. "I know you don't like talking about yourself-" She began to ramble on about him talking to her about his feelings and whatnot, but Alastor didn’t listen as he shut the door again.
Though, the interruption did give his mind a chance to slow. He sat on a chair in the corner of his room, and opted to fiddle with the radio on the drawer next to him. He tuned it—or, more just magically infused it—to play some jazz to try to keep his head level.
It would take some time to rebuild the dam that held back the memories of his wife. Even just the mere thought of her made him feel weak, and he hated it. The only soul he was capable of falling in love with—gone, forever.
Alastor never took the whole “eternity of damnation” thing seriously, considering the power he held and how comfortable he really was in Hell. However, when he remembered her—
Hell truly was torture. And he was cursed to spend his eternity in death without her.
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