#them. but as i said the medical stuff is not their main focus and they’re more an all around place. and they also won employer or the year | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mintymiknow · 3 years

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Trust Fall - ch. 13 | Lee Minho

summary | character profiles | masterlist

Pairing: Lee Minho/Lee Know x Reader

Summary: You and Minho end up on one more task, and it leads you to confronting a certain someone. Events also lead to Minho finally opening up and telling you about the woman from his past.

Genre: Secret agent/spy au, romance, angst, action

Word count: Approx. 9.2k

Warnings for this chapter: Blood and injuries due to genre-typical fight scenes, showering together (nothing nsfw happens; they literally just take a bath lol)

A/N: Longest chapter I’ve written so far hahaha but I do hope you like it! We’re nearing the peak of this story as well as the end, so I hope this chapter is a nice breather of sorts. I’m kind of disappointed with the confrontation, but I did my best haha! Those are so hard to write. Enjoy! If you have any questions or comments, hit me up!

A day after the events with Minho, you gathered Seungmin and Jisung in the lab, having mustered the courage and conviction to finally explain to them what happened in SKZ’s lab years ago. You told them the same story as you told Minho, hoping it would shed some light on everything, allowing the three of you to work closely together and understand how and why everything was happening.

There were a mix of gasps and shocked expressions, faces contorting into disgust or anger, and even words of encouragement and apologies from the two males. Thanking them for listening and understanding, they also do the same.

“I didn’t know that that was the entire story.” Jisung mulls it over, “The heads of SKZ wanted it to remain a secret for the sake of the agents’ morale and avoidance of chaos.”

Seungmin releases a sigh, “I was quite skeptical of it all since I believed we all had the right to know, but I guess there was a reason. Thank you for telling us, y/n. What happened back then was terrible. We’re sorry we weren’t more aware.”

“No, don’t say that.” you start, “I would have hated for the two of you to get involved as well.”

Jisung chuckles as he offers a small smile, “Well, to make it up for all those times, we should really focus on getting the anti-serum completed.”

Seungmin nods, walking over to one of the lab tables, “We were able to extract Cle’s serum from the dead agent’s body. We can use these for our tests and compare it to the formula y/n wrote down in her files.”

“We’ll need to test the anti-serum on all the Cle prototypes we have to really guarantee it works for everything.” Jisung adds, “We never really know which prototype Cle is going to make use of in the end.”

You nod your head and gather some items on the table and begin to work, “Let’s get to work.”

For the next few hours, the three of you work non-stop on running tests and conducting experiments with various chemical formulas. A lot of mixing and pouring is done, and a lot of vials and beakers have been used in the process. There’s a variety of colored mixtures here and there, a few miniscule explosions and sizzling sounds echoing in the room too. The three of you mix chemicals, substances, acids and even solid materials into various formulas in hopes to come up with the “perfect” solution; of course, it can’t all happen in one day despite you wanting it to.

The three of you started working at 6:30 in the morning, and by the time you’ve decided to take a break after working hours straight, it was already 5:00pm. Jisung left for a few minutes to get some food, returning shortly after with a plastic bag of packed meals and three cups of take-out coffee. You and Seungmin clean the area before all three of you exit the room and head for the lab lounge room.

There, Jisung distributes the food and drinks before plopping down on a beanbag and releasing a sigh, “I can’t recall the last time I was that productive.”

Seungmin chuckles, “We’re always productive in the lab, what are you talking about?”

“I think it’s because we worked hours straight without breaks.” you point out with a small smile before sipping your coffee, “And it’s just the three of us working, so that means we did more workload each.”

“True.” Jisung laughs, “Speaking of which...who else knows about all...this?”

You hum, “Minho. I told him yesterday, but I assume he’s already told Chan some of it.”

“Yeah, very Minho-like. He and Chan have always been close-knit.” Seungmin explains, “Chan was recruited into SKZ ahead, and he was Minho’s superior for about a year, from what I remember.”

“Mhmm. Chan was his superior, but after one year of doing missions almost perfectly, Chan appealed with Jung to have Minho ‘promoted’. They’re now the same rank, per se, but Minho still treats Chan and acts as if he’s his superior.” Jisung pipes in, shoving a piece of chicken in his mouth after speaking.

“Were they always in the same team?” you ask.

Seungmin tilts his head, “Not permanently. Changbin also came into the picture, and they were the main trio. Although...back then, Changbin was usually on missions with Jeongin and Hyunjin. Minho was with Chan and a woman named Jiyeon.”

You hum, nodding your head and swallowing your food. Afterwards, you speak again, “Wooyoung from a cafe did mention a Jiyeon as well. Minho didn’t look too...happy. But I didn’t ask.”

“Ah, so you met Wooyoung too! I love that guy!” Jisung chuckles before his bright smile fades into something more melancholic, “And Minho probably reacted that way because she - ”

“She left SKZ as well.”

The three of you snap your attention to the male leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and facial expression blank. You offer him a small smile, and the dull color in his face warms with color, a small smile on his lips as well. Jisung waves at his friend before chuckling sheepishly, “Sorry about that.”

Minho uncrosses his arms and shrugs it off with a smile, “It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting any of you - besides Chan and I - would remember her.”

Seungmin shakes his head, “I was never close to her though. It was always just you, Chan, and Changbin with her. Sometimes Hyunjin.”

“Yeah? Well, Jiyeon never liked big groups of friends.” Minho releases a sigh, “And she never really stepped foot in the lab since she was busy running missions here and there. She loved the adrenaline rush.”

You feel your cheeks flushing - you’re not sure if it’s jealousy, embarrassment or awkwardness - maybe a mix of everything. But when Minho takes a seat next to you by the lounge table, putting an arm around the backrest of your seat, you’re pretty sure your flushed cheeks are a result of his doing. Seungmin and Jisung aren’t blind as they throw each other knowing looks.

Great, your cheeks are as red as the straw of your coffee.

Clearing your throat, you turn to look at Minho despite the fact that your face is still flushed. “So, what brings you here?” you ask in an attempt to divert attention away from you.

Luckily, Jisung and Seungmin give it up and look at Minho expectantly as well. “I have more intel for you all.” Minho replies, “From Busan.”

“Busan?” Seungmin inquires, “Did your team infiltrate a base or facility there?”

Minho nods, “Yes, though I assume the three of you would have an idea of what we found already.”

Jisung melts further into the beanbag he was sitting on, sipping on his coffee, “Busan’s lab facilities are known for holding acids, specifically hydrochloric, nitric, and perchloric acid.”

“In other words, some substances that could be traced in Cle’s serum.” you finish.

Minho’s lips curl into a small smirk, “Exactly. The team has brought the findings in and are currently transporting them to one of the lab rooms right now. How’s your work going?”

Jisung answers first, “We’ve attempted to make various formulas for an anti-serum and have tried them on various prototypes, but since we only have a limited number of Cle prototypes, we have to practice discretion to make sure we don’t run out of it before we actually get to test the perfect solution on it.”

“I hope the findings from Busan include more prototypes?” Seungmin playfully chuckles.

Minho smiles in response, an apologetic look on his face, “Unfortunately, none. Though we did find our next target area in Gangwon. Cle’s Gangwon facility is just a small clinic during the day, but through connections and bribes, the owner of that clinic allows Cle to use it for secret research at night. So, no one really suspects it because it literally just looks like a neighborhood clinic.”

Seungmin mutters under his breath, “Using a medical facade as cover...disappointing.”

Minho gives him a small smile before speaking, “Well, I’m leaving for Gangwon in a bit. Hopefully, I get some prototype serums for you guys.”

“I’ll go with you.” you say out of the blue, surprising both Jisung and Minho; Seungmin just hums in curiosity.

Minho puts a hand on your head to smooth your hair, “I appreciate the company, but I told you that you three should focus on lab work.”

You gently remove his hand from your head, lowering it so that you could envelope it with both your hands under the table. You use both your thumbs to brush gentle strokes on the back of the agent’s hand. Hopefully, neither of the two younger males notice the gesture. You aren’t ready for their teasing...yet.

“I know,” you start to speak, “but the three of us are currently waiting for the results of one experiment because we attempted to recreate Cle’s most recent prototype.”

“It’s going to take at least half a day for the formula to fully settle.” Jisung points out, “While waiting, I’m going to run tests on the stuff you guys brought back from Busan.”

“I’m going to do more research in the data archives.” Seungmin nods.

You look up at Minho, tilting your head, “If that Gangwon facility does have their prototypes, I’d like to take a look at them ASAP. I might also find useful files there.”

With a deep sigh, Minho closes his eyes and nods, “Fine, but we have to be quick, alright? I’m going without a team because intel tells us that the facility isn’t guarded.”

“Why?” Jisung asks.

“Because, like I said, it makes use of the fact that the location is a clinic.” Minho explains again, “With that facade, Cle is able to do research and run tests at night without anyone bothering them at all. Why waste manpower and resources on a location that isn’t meddled with at all?”

“Makes sense.” Jisung notes.

“There’s probably going to be one or two scientists at most, but that’s it. I can take care of that quickly.” Minho turns to you, “But you still have to be careful, alright?”

You nod, “Of course.”

“I want to keep this as lowkey as possible. Hence, me not even bringing a team with me.” Minho says, nodding his head towards the coffee Jisung gave you.

You hum, and without much thought, grab the coffee cup and hold it close to the agent’s lips. Minho slightly shifts to sip from the straw, causing you to stifle a giggle as you look at him fondly. After he sips enough, he playfully looks at you and jokes, “It’s lukewarm coffee. You’re so boring.”

You scoff and hold the coffee away from him, “Excuse me, but this was iced a while ago.”

Minho sticks his tongue out, causing you to playfully swat his face away. Completely forgetting that you had two other friends in the room, Jisung snickers and slaps the beanbag repeatedly, “Are you two officially dating already? Like dating dating? ‘Cause you’re both acting like one real couple right now!”

You and Minho snap your heads to the male who is currently curled up on the floor, clutching his stomach as he laughs. Seungmin looks at him with a “you good bro” kind of face before his expression shifts to that with a sly smirk, “He’s got a point. I am intrigued.”

“I can neither confirm nor deny.” Minho says playfully, a smug smirk on his lips before he pushes his chair out and stands up.

“Boo!” Jisung says from the floor.

Minho playfully rolls his eyes before turning to you, “We aren’t taking any of the agents’ vehicles to Gangwon in order to remain lowkey. We’ll take the bus. Meet me by HQ’s main entrance in 15 minutes.”

“Ok.” you reply, still trying to calm your flustered state from Jisung and Seungmin’s light teasing.

With that, Minho leaves the room, leaving you, Jisung, and Seungmin staring at each other. You slowly grab your coffee in an attempt to quench your drying throat, but before you can take a sip, Jisung’s banter stops you.

“If you sip from that straw, that’s an indirect kiss with Minho.”

“Han Jisung!”

Seungmin jokes along with a straight face, “Do it.”

“Not you too…”

“Dating isn’t a foreign word to me, y/n.” Minho groans as the bus moves.

Thankfully, there weren’t many people on board, except for you, Minho and maybe around nine or ten people. You cross your arms, furrowing your eyebrows a bit too seriously; Minho thought it was cute, but he doesn’t say it out loud. “I know, but like...have you actually really dated anyone? Do agents have time to do that?” you muse, “Jisung’s question really got me thinking…”

Minho rolls his eyes to feign irritation, but the faint shade of pink on his cheeks says otherwise. “I...have dated before. It was nothing too serious in my opinion. It’s just...yeah. Not worth it.” he says, choosing his words carefully.

“So your flirtatious side did come from somewhere.” you tease.

“Haha, very funny.” Minho smirks, pinching your nose, “And you? Hard to believe someone as pretty as you has never had a relationship.”

“Ha, there’s the flirt in you.” you say in a deadpan manner before shaking your head, “But no, I’ve never dated anyone. I dated my work, unfortunately. My medical and scientific goals were the love of my life.”

“Were?”

You shrug, “Now, I don’t think it’s the same anymore.”

“Hmmm.” Minho hums to himself in thought, leaning back against his seat, “Fascinating.”

A few seconds later, Minho feels a weight fall on his shoulder. He slowly turns, now realizing that you had laid your head on his shoulder, your eyes closed in bliss as soft snores escaped your lips. Minho’s heart sings for joy and melts like chocolate at the sight of it all, and he has to use all his strength to keep himself from sobbing in joy.

“I told you I’d go to Gangwon alone.” he whispers with an amused smirk on his lips.

He presses a chaste kiss on the top of your head, gently nuzzling his nose into your hair while doing so. Unconsciously, you wrap your arms around his, scooting ever-so-slightly closer to his side. Minho stifles another chuckle, using his free hand to reposition your head to a more comfortable position on his shoulder before leaning back and relaxing completely.

Gangwon was still one hour away. Perhaps he’d indulge and relish in the way you fit perfectly by his side, giving him the light he’s lost long ago.

When Minho woke you up an hour later, you both arrived at one of the Gangwon bus stops. From there, you both put on a little act as some random couple simply strolling the city, hand-in-hand and laughing about some stupid joke (funnily enough, Jisung had randomly texted Minho a joke he and Jeongin thought of, so that’s what he used).

Since you and Minho left HQ at a calculated time, you both arrived at the location by night time; that would mean sneaking in would be a piece of cake, especially for Minho.

As you both approach the clinic-like building, Minho notices that the lights are off. “Either they’re out or it’s a trap.” he whispers to you, tugging on your hand to pull you close, “Don’t stay away from me, ok?”

“Ok.” you reply.

With that, Minho does his agent-y stuff, sneaking in through a window that he skillfully opens without a single noise. He slips in first, helping you in afterwards. Proceeding with caution, the two of you slip further inside the clinic, checking the rooms for anything.

There’s a lounge room that’s practically empty, but there are traces of chemical substances littering the floor. You swab the samples and place them in bottles before putting them in a case. Minho scans the room with his sharp eyes and speaks with a quiet voice, “Those look fresh. Perhaps there’s been activity not too long ago?”

“Yeah,” you nod your head, “but judging by the appearance of consistency of these substances, I’d say it was from hours ago...maybe earlier this morning?”

“I don’t see or sense any sign of people right now.” Minho brings a finger to his chin, “Either they worked this morning and left tonight, or they aren’t here yet. Either way, we should hurry. Are you done here?”

“Yeah, let’s go to the next room.”

After searching another two rooms that left you empty-handed, you proceeded to the last door which was locked. Fortunately, Minho had contacted Felix who effortlessly hacked into the system and breached past the lock, allowing you access into the room. You and Minho then enter, beginning to search for anything useful once more.

You find a filing cabinet and sift through its contents, eyes speedily but carefully going through the numerous sheets of paper inside. Minho tinkers with a nearby cabinet that reveals a few bottles of prototype serums when he manages to get it open. “Looks like Seungmin’s going to be happy.” Minho says quietly.

You hum, “Prototypes?”

“A few.” the agent responds, putting the bottles in a secured case.

“Good.” you say, eyes never leaving the files you’re currently going through, “How did they manage to get my information…”

Minho shrugs, standing behind you as he peers over your shoulder, “Networks and connections. Plus, many of Cle’s agents are ex-SKZ scientists. I’m sure they managed to steal some information from our database.”

“Isn’t that dangerous?” you tilt your head to look at the male.

He answers plainly, “Of course, but a month after the incident in the labs, Felix and the tech team did a full-sweep and eliminated any bugs, viruses, hacks, and theft issues in our database. They’ve monitored it closely ever since.”

“I see.” you nod, putting a folder back into the filing cabinet and pulling out another one, “These are mostly just scrapped plans and formulas that didn’t seem to give them success with their serum.”

Minho nods, walking over to the other side of the room to where a locker-like cabinet stood. “Just grab what you think will help the three of you in the lab.” he says, preoccupying himself with getting the locker open.

You nod in response, pulling out another folder. A small wave of satisfaction hits you as you read the contents of the files, “This is a fairly recent file, and based on the notes and comments, scribbled on it, this is their most current formula. It...it’s identical to the one I kept at home.”

Minho has a subtle smirk on his lips, an unexplainable sense of pride bubbling in him at the thought of you being so capable, “Is that so? I guess that explains why they needed you on board. Probably knew you’d make the process faster for them since you’re an expert.”

“I wouldn’t say that.” you sheepishly chuckle, “They just knew I knew something and wanted to use that, I guess.”

Minho finally gets the locker open and narrows his eyes at the mess inside. And by mess, meaning there was so much clutter inside like someone just shoved their whole life inside. With a sigh of un-amusement, the male rummages through the items inside while saying, “Well, either way, they’re basically done with their serum, and if our intel is correct, they’re going to sell and supply those serums to high-bidding private parties in the black market.”

“I know. Jisung, Seungmin, and I will try to work on a solution as quickly as possible.” you assure the male, grabbing a few folders with formulas and plans and shoving it inside your bag.

“I know you three will.” Minho says with a small smile.

You close one filing cabinet and open another one, pulling out a random folder in the process. The first few sheets of paper are medical records, but you don’t bother to read what’s written or whose name it belongs to.

Not until the next sheet of paper reveals a picture.

There, in full color, is a picture of your dear friend, Ahn Hyejoo.

You tilt your head in utter confusion, wondering if the late doctor was also in kahoots with Cle or something of the like. You flip to the next page of the file, but regret it as soon as you feel your heart sinking to the deepest depths of despair. There on the paper, in clear writing, were plans of her apparent death.

She died in an accident. An accident.

But according to these files, Cle had “staged” or planned that accident.

It didn’t make sense. Why would they do that? Ahn Hyejoo was a humble and sweet doctor who spent most of her time drowning herself in chamomile tea and eating shortcake during her breaks in the hospital. She was the doctor who greeted everyone with a smile and remained extremely patient even to the crankier patients. She dedicated her short life to serving others and helping in the hospital. What could she have possibly done to have Cle end her life?

Your heart palpitates at the mere confusion, mind swirling and body shaking at what you had just read. “I don’t understand…” you trail off, more to yourself than anyone, really; you doubt Minho heard you as well.

Little did you know, just as you were frazzled by your discovery, so was Minho.

After rummaging through the heap of mess in the locker, he stumbled upon three things - three very distinct things to him.

A golden bracelet adorned with small red-ruby charms.

A glittery, black hair scrunchie used to tie someone’s hair into a ponytail.

And a single silver, dangling earring in the shape of an arrow, a small star at the tip of it.

The bracelet belonged to her. The scrunchie belonged to her. The earring belonged to him.

With a clenched jaw, the male agent sweeps the items to the side, revealing a small folder with just a few sheets of paper inside. Opening it, his eyes land on the picture of a woman, and below her picture is her personal information and profile details, much like how SKZ files looked like - except this was a profile for Cle agents.

Minho knew. He knew before Jiyeon left his life. But to see it again and be reminded once more...it didn’t sadden him. It only angered him, the disgusting feeling of bitterness piling inside.

From the other end of the room, you hastily put Hyejoo’s file back into the cabinet before walking over to Minho. You gently tap his back, whispering, “I think I’m good. I have enough data.”

But the agent doesn’t respond, and upon a better look, you notice how tense his body is. You decide to follow his gaze, eyes landing on the file in his hands - a woman’s profile. You assumed it to be the Jiyeon woman Seungmin and Jisung mentioned. Your eyes widened upon seeing that her profile was under Cle, so without a second thought, you brought your eyes back to Minho.

You expected to see rage - and yes, the thought of Jiyeon always angered him - but all you could see right now was bitterness and a hint of sorrow. You gently clasp a hand around his and whisper a bit louder, “Minho?”

He snaps out of his daze and quickly turns his eyes to you, offering an apologetic smile - a stark contrast to how his eyes looked a while ago. “Sorry, I just - ” he begins, but is cut off by a light snicker.

“Fancy seeing you two here.”

Minho doesn’t turn his head, narrowing his eyes instead. You, however, snap your head to the voice almost immediately, recognizing the familiarity without any issue. And because you do, your eyes widen with horror and heart ache, chest constricting with a sickening feeling as your hands move to grab the sleeve of Minho’s jacket. “Hyunbin…” you manage to gasp out, still unable to accept the fact the Minho was right about his assumption.

“Hey, y/n.” he says as if there was nothing wrong with the situation.

“I don’t understand...why?” you feel your legs go numb.

Hyunbin shrugs casually, crossing his arms, “Our friendship was all an act, my dear. I’ve always been a Cle agent. My role in Gongjak was just a cover to track and monitor you.”

“Wha - ” the words get stuck in your throat; you feel like you’ve been shot by a million arrows at once, dragged along the pavement, and thrown off a cliff when his words begin to sink in.

“It was going alright, I would say. Well, until you got involved with SKZ again and perhaps...romantically involved with that man.” Hyunbin snides.

You ignore the last part of his statement and instead ask, “What did Hyejoo do then? I saw the files. Did you know your bosses staged her accident?”

“Yes, I came up with the idea.” Hyunbin laughs, “Hyejoo’s curiosity knows no bounds. It was my mistake to let myself slip, but one evening, we had...well, spent a night together, mostly for my amusement. However, her curiosity prompted her to snoop around my place and see some...things. Couldn’t let her live after all that now, could I?”

Your body shivers involuntarily, breath hitching in your throat when Hyunbin pulls a gun out. Fortunately, Minho is just as quick, hiding you behind him as he pulls his own gun out and aims it at the male doctor. Hyunbin snickers, “You do know that my target is you, Lee, not y/n, right?”

Minho is unfazed as he levels a glare, “I know. But you’re not getting your hands on her, so be my guest and try to shoot me down.”

In the blink of an eye, both males pull their respective triggers; Hyunbin moves to the side to avoid Minho’s bullet while Minho pulls your wrist, ducking down to dodge Hyunbin’s. Without a second to waste, Minho gently pushes you behind one of the desks, “Don’t leave this spot, ok?”

You nod, heart thumping in your chest as Minho stands up to confront Hyunbin. The agent draws the doctor out into the hallway of the clinic and away from the room they were previously in. Making use of the other rooms, furniture, and walls, the two begin a rapid-fire shoot out. Bullets fly here and there, breaking vases and cracking the cement walls like mere chalk. Hyunbin may be an agent, but his shots are a bit off and frenzied, narrowly missing Minho each time. It gives him enough time to dart across the hall, taking refuge behind a wall.

Hyunbin stops shooting, and Minho knows he’s out of ammo. Taking advantage of the time frame, Minho pokes out of his hiding spot and aims at Hyunbin, pulling the trigger and landing a clean shot on the hand the doctor held his gun with. Hyunbin hisses as he drops his gun to the ground, giving Minho ample time to pocket his own gun - he’d rather save him ammo - while he rushes over to where Hyunbin stands. From there, the two males resort to physical fighting.

With Hyunbin still recovering from the shot to his hand, Minho easily lands a punch on the male’s face, causing him to stumble back. While it was normal for him to do so in the context of his job, it also gave Minho some sense of satisfaction to hit the man who built up your trust, only to single-handedly smash it down; it was like hitting him for you in a way.

Minho cracks his knuckles and stretches his neck, “You know….y/n really trusted you. She considered you her closest friend.”

“That’s her mistake.” Hyunbin says, steadying his posture for a fight, “She put her trust on the wrong person. Though, I can’t really blame her.”

The doctor then lunges at Minho, swinging punch after punch as if he were in a hurry. Minho observes his movement, calculating each swing with focused eyes; it helps him dodge or counter his opponent’s attacks. The agent then grabs Hyunbin’s wrists and twists it behind him, causing the latter to yelp in pain. Minho then uses the opportunity to kick Hyunbin down from behind, releasing a huff afterwards, “I’m surprised you didn’t just kidnap y/n during your fake friendship.”

Hyunbin stands up and shrugs the pain off, “I was tasked to simply keep watch over her until Cle wanted to make a move. We weren’t expecting she’d go back to SKZ...not after what she went through there.”

“So you knew?”

“I knew she was involved, but my superiors didn’t say anything else.”

Minho’s lips curl into a scowl, “Cle’s really just a den of snakes huh…”

At this, Hyunbin’s snickers become more audible and taunting, “Oh, you would know, wouldn’t you, Agent Lee?”

“Wh - ”

“Your precious Jiyeon was also part of that so-called ‘den of snakes’ wasn’t she?” Hyunbin laughs, “Unfortunately for you, despite your skill and intelligence, you fell for that woman. She was charming indeed, but I did not expect you to actually date her.”

Minho pretends like the comment doesn’t affect him, but Hyunbin notices the subtle change in his body language - tense and guarded. Putting on a stone-faced facade, Minho says, “She’s gone now, isn’t she? That’s all that matters.”

“Oh, ‘cause you have dear Dr. Song now?” Hyunbin pretends to gag, “Unfortunately for you, I’m going to have to take her away.”

“Like I said, be my guest and shoot me down if you want her.”

As if that spurred Hyunbin on, the doctor aggressively lunges at Minho, the sheer force of it making him take a few steps back. Minho is just as strong, standing his ground as he wrestles with the other male. With practiced speed, Minho uses one hand to grab his pocket knife, twirling it in his hand before lodging it into Hyunbin’s shoulder. The doctor yells, gritting his teeth as he tries to pry it away from him. However, Minho is way ahead of him, pulling the knife out and stabbing it onto the male’s torso, causing him to let go of Minho and crouch down on the floor.

“I’d like to kill you right now - ” Minho doesn’t get to finish his sentence because Hyunbin pulls the knife out from his body and swings it at Minho’s leg.

Fortunately, the agent merely side-steps, dodging the attempt easily. Minho pulls Hyunbin up by the collar of his shirt, bringing him close so that he could knee him in the abdomen. The doctor crumples down on the floor, seemingly unconscious. Minho then turns on his heel to return to you, but Hyunbin gets up when Minho turns his back. Hyunbin lunges at the agent, tackling him to the ground. With Minho recovering his bearings, Hyunbin straddles him and wastes no time in launching a flurry of punches. Around three punches land on Minho’s face before the agent once again overpowers the doctor, turning the tables so it was Hyunbin below him.

But Hyunbin is far from done, bringing a knee to Minho’s stomach, the force and power of it causing the agent to fall back. Hyunbin then grabs the knife that was on the floor, straddling Minho once more as he lunges the weapon into Minho’s arm. He winces but does not falter, gritting his teeth as he maneuvers their weight to flip Hyunbin over and behind him in a tumbling motion. Minho takes the knife out and throws it towards Hyunbin, piercing the doctor’s leg, prompting him to limp as he staggers towards the agent.

Not wanting to waste anymore time, Minho pulls his gun out and swiftly pulls the trigger, landing a clean shot on Hyunbin’s chest. The doctor gasps out breathlessly, falling to the ground and griping in pain. Minho scoffs, tucking his gun back in and kicking Hyunbin to the wall of the room for extra measure. Finally, he makes his leave and returns to the room where you are.

He crouches down beside the desk he left you at, offering a small smile, “We should go.”

You worriedly take in his bloodied appearance, sighing, “Ok.”

But just as you stand up, you hear the door slamming and a digital lock beeping. Both you and Minho turn towards the sound; you look at Hyunbin in horror while Minho narrows his eyes coldly.

“No one’s getting out of this alive!” he yells, blood dripping down his chin; Minho’s honestly surprised he survived that gunshot.

“Slowly walk towards the door, y/n.” Minho instructs you.

You do as you are told, taking careful steps towards the door. Hyunbin slowly approaches you, and your heart freezes for a second. Minho, however, is quick compared to the two of you, grabbing Hyunbin’s wrist and pulling the doctor towards him to bring a knee to his injuries. Hyunbin coughs up blood, and Minho flings him towards the back of the room, causing him to crash into the shelves lining the wall. By now, both you and Minho are at the door, trying to get it open.

“No use!” Hyunbin cackles from where he’s slumped over broken shelves, “I’ve encoded it to never open unless I say so!”

Minho scowls, shooting a glare before making quick use of his intelligence to bypass the security code. But when he hears your soft, shaky voice, his movements halt for a second. “Hyunbin...please don’t.” you croak out, pleading eyes meeting the doctor’s.

The Hyunbin you knew would have smiled softly and chuckled like the spring breeze, but right now, he scoffed and allowed his lips to curl into a hungry smirk, “Boom.”

Before Minho can stop him, Hyunbin pulls a lighter from his pocket, setting the various chemicals around on fire. Minho grabs the small case where he kept the Cle serum samples and stays close to the door.

“Hyunbin!” you yell, but the doctor is busy laughing; it’s not an evil, twisted laugh - it’s cold and calm and almost smooth, sending chills down your spine.

Minho speaks into his comm device, “Felix! I need you to breach this code now!”

“On it.” the younger responds.

But just a few seconds after Hyunbin lights the chemicals on fire, a small explosion bursts, a thick blanket of pungent smoke swirling in the room and causing you both to cough. The air is extremely hot as the fire grows bigger and closer to a large bottle of unknown liquids. Minho wraps you in his arms as if shielding you for an imminent explosion, his voice commanding yet leveled as he speaks into the comm again, “Anytime Lix!”

“Wait! Just...a little…” Felix says from HQ through the comms, “...a little more...”

“Hyunbin…” you trail off brokenly.

Minho turns his head to the doctor who is now engulfed in flames, silent yet smirking as if he had won. The agent pulls you closer to him, making sure you don’t see the scene unfolding before you.

“There!” Felix announces.

The minute the younger male bypasses the code and has the door unlocked, a bigger explosion booms in the room. As the explosion goes off, Minho pushes forward, both of you tripping over each other’s legs as you fall to the floor. Thankfully, that fall somehow allowed you two from getting directly hit by said explosion, though the fumes may have gotten to both of you nonetheless.

Quick to hit feet, Minho pulls you up and wastes no time dashing out of the clinic. Once outside, the whole place begins to go up in flames, the crackling sounds of fire burning disturbing the night. Minho feels you shaking by his side, so he wraps his arms around you and ushers you to the secrecy and shadows of the trees.

“Lix, please have accommodations arranged for us here in Gangwon. You know where.” Minho quietly says into his comms, “With a good change of clothes for me and y/n.”

“You got it.”

The agent grips the small case of Cle serum bottles in one hand before turning to you to press a light kiss to your forehead before speaking, “There’s a small inn here in Gangwon that we have connections to, so they’ll give us a place to rest in for tonight.”

“Won’t they suspect that you're bloody and we’re covered in ash, dirt and smell like a lab?” you ask softly.

Minho smiles gently, beginning to walk, “The owner is an SKZ agent. They know what’s up.”

“By the way...I still have the files in my bag. I didn’t leave anything.” you say, hoping it somehow mattered despite the fact that Minho’s lowkey mission ended up with a burning clinic and dead ex-friend.

Minho smiles at you, squeezing your hand, “Good job.”

A few blocks away from the clinic site, a car picks the two of you up and brings you to the inn where Felix arranged for accommodations. A woman at the lobby greets Minho with a slight bow, “Agent Lee.”

“Agent Ju.” Minho greets in kind.

“Your room is ready.” she smiles gently while turning to you, “Necessary medical kits are there as well, and we’ve provided a phone in case you need it. I had someone go out to get clothes, but you might receive it tomorrow morning, so I prepared two decent robes for the two of you to use in the meantime.”

“Thank you.” Minho nods his head, leading you up the stairs after Ju gives both of you a smile and wave.

Once you both get inside the room prepared for you two, Minho plops the case and your bag on the floor beside the bed before sitting down. “I’m going to update HQ on our situation.” he says softly, “You can take it easy now.”

You nod, choosing to sit next to him. When you lean your head on his shoulder - the non-injured one, the agent puts a comforting hand on your thigh, rubbing gentle patterns on the skin. With his other hand, he holds the phone Ju provided to his ear, waiting for HQ to pick up. A few seconds later, a familiar voice responds, “Hello?”

“Chan.”

“Hmm?”

“Y/n and I are at Ju’s inn. We finished searching the clinic and...I need you to report back to Jung for me.”

“Ok, go. I’m listening.”

Minho then begins to tell the older male the events that transpired that evening, including what you found, who you encountered and what happened after. When he finishes recalling the situation, he ends with, “We’ll spend a night here to recover. We’ll head back to HQ tomorrow morning.”

“Got it.” Chan says from the other end, “I’m glad you’re both safe, now get some rest.”

“Yeah, see you.”

Minho ends the call then puts the phone on the bedside table. He brings his hand to the stab wound Hyunbin left on his shoulder and sighs, “For a doctor, he sure knows how to use a knife.”

You offer a small smile, “Well, we do surgeries, you know?”

Minho lightly chuckles, “Right, right.”

You lift your head from his shoulder and nod your head towards the bathroom, “You need to take a bath so I can treat that immediately. And, the fire and explosions involved chemical substances, so I don’t want to risk it contaminating or lingering on your skin.”

“You should bath first.” the male responds, “You were caught in that as well.”

“Yeah, but I don’t have any other injuries.” you reason.

“We both need a bath, considering chemicals exploded around us and we’re covered in all sorts of dirt and soot.” Minho stands up, pulling you up with him, “Let’s take a shower together, hmm? Win-win situation.”

You blush at the thought, immediately looking down at the carpeted floor. Minho stifles a laugh at your reaction before squeezing your hand, “I won’t do anything, y/n. Of course, if you’re uncomfortable, you can shower ahead.”

It takes you a moment to recover before you can shake your head and flash a very shy smile, “No, it’s fine...we can do that.”

With an assuring smile, Minho leads you to the bathroom. There, he strips out of his clothes and enters the shower, turning the water on. He turns to you and tilts his head, “Are you gonna just stand there?”

You pout and begin to remove your clothes as well; though your cheeks are burning, you get in the shower with him.

You expected to be flustered and awkward right now, but the entire shower time between you two is filled with a comfortable silence, giving you a sense of normalcy and peace. Minho takes a good few minutes under the shower head; while you would have wanted to take this time to appreciate his physique, your eyes automatically drifted to the stab wound on his shoulder.

Kang Hyunbin did that.

Your “friend” Hyunbin did that.

And now that the adrenaline wears off, you feel the heart ache and exhaustion wash over you like a wave crashing against the rocks of a cliff. The tears that should have poured down in the clinic suddenly rush down now, mixing in with the water dripping from your wet hair. Minho doesn’t notice as he rinses his hair from the shampoo, but when a sob escapes your lips, his attention snaps to you.

“Y/n?”

And right there and then, sob after sob leaves you choking and sniffing, tears rushing down your face like a dam released. You have to bring a hand to your mouth to control your cries, and it absolutely shatters the male bathing with you. It takes Minho a second to move, but as quickly as he can, he brings his arms around you and pulls you close to him. This was probably the tightest, closest hug you’ve ever shared, and the idea somehow calms you.

Still, your body violently shakes in his hold as you cry your heart out, wails blending with the sound of the water hitting the tiled floor from the shower. Minho’s hand travels up and down your back in an attempt to soothe you as he whispers, “It’s ok, let it all out. You’ll be ok.”

Your hands come up to clutch at his back, holding him close as if he was the only thing keeping you from slipping - a lifeline of sorts. You bury your head by the crook of his neck and do as he said, crying and crying until your tears ran out.

After a few minutes, your breathing stabilized and your cries had stopped. Minho pulls away just enough to look in your eyes, using one hand to move wet strands of hair away from your face. “You ok?” he asks gently.

You nod, offering a broken but much calmer smile now. Minho hums in satisfaction before pulling you under the shower head. You take turns in rinsing yourselves in the warm, relaxing water, making use of the soap and shampoo provided. After you’re both essentially cleaned up, the agent grabs two towels and offers one to you so you could get dried up. Then, you both slip into the comfy bathrobes provided before stepping out of the bathroom.

Minho walks over to the bed while you grab a first aid kit. You return to Minho’s side before moving in front of him, between his legs, and gently shrug off one sleeve of his robe to reveal the stab wound. You work in silence, putting the necessary medicines and stitching the injury up with gentle and nimble hands. Minho looks up at you with warm eyes, and you’d meet his gaze every so often while offering a small smile. Afterwards, you put the kit aside on the floor, but you do not leave your position.

Instead, your hands rest on his shoulders as his arms carefully wind around your waist. With one tug, he manages to pull you close, essentially making you sit on his lap with your legs on either side of him. Despite the blush on your cheeks, you lean your forehead against his, closing your eyes tiredly and releasing a shaky breath. “You’re lucky Hyunbin didn’t turn out to be a fight-centered agent.” you say.

“Hmm?”

You gesture the wound on his shoulder, “He may be an agent, but I guess he was a scientist and doctor first and foremost, not a field agent like you are. If he was, I think he would have given you worse injuries.”

“That’s true.” Minho nods, “Still surprised he can somehow carry a fight though.”

“I trusted him.”

Minho hums quietly, “I know.”

You sniff, urging yourself not to cry again, “Why’d it have to be him?”

“Did you love him?”

“I did not.” you open your teary eyes to meet Minho’s, “But I trusted him enough to be my friend. To be someone I could open up to and be weak with.”

“I know the feeling.” Minho whispers.

You sigh, “I put my trust in the wrong person again.”

Minho looks sympathetic, one hand reaching up to cup your cheek, “...do you still trust me?”

“I do, Minho.”

“Do you trust me with your life?” he says, and you aren’t sure who moved closer, but with every word he whispers, his lips brush against yours.

“I still trust you with everything, Minho.” you taste his lips subtly, “Everything.”

And like an elastic snapping, whatever invisible sheet of resistance that had stood between the two of you had shattered, the force bringing the two of you together. Lips clashed on lips in a slow, languid yet desperate kiss. Emotions poured out in a rush after being kept in for so long. If neither you nor Minho could express how you were feeling in words right now, the kiss you shared was more than enough to convey the message.

One of the male’s hands supports the back of your neck while the other clamps on your waist; your arms snake around his neck, and the two of you ensure that not even air can fit between your bodies. Minho kisses desperately, but there’s still a smooth and patient movement to his lips. They’re so soft and addicting, and you find yourself entranced in the dance he leads with purpose. You can’t help but hum into his mouth when his tongue darts in to continue his tango. Every slide of your tongues against each other sends a shiver down your spine, and Minho finds himself navigating every inch of your mouth like a pirate searching for treasure.

After a while, he pulls away after giving your bottom lip a quick nibble. Foreheads pressed against each other’s, Minho smiles charmingly as he whispers against your lips, “Should we get some rest, y/n?”

“Sounds good.” you smile back.

The male shifts around on the bed, laying down with you beside him and still enveloped in his arms. A few seconds of silence stretches while you both get comfortable on the bed; you eventually settle with resting your head on his chest while his arm coils around your waist. Minho stares at the ceiling, just about ready to close his eyes before you suddenly whisper, “Minho?”

“Hmm? What’s wrong?”

“That woman...that was Jiyeon, wasn’t it?”

Minho recalls the files you both saw in the locker back at the clinic. With a few blinks, Minho replies, “Yes, that was her.”

“What happened?”

His silence worries you, thinking that you may have overstepped your boundaries with him. Maybe it was a subject he didn’t want to touch with anyone but the boys. Offering a small smile, you shake your head, “You don’t need to tell me if you aren’t comfortable though.”

“It’s fine.” Minho smiles reassuringly, “I suppose I should tell you.”

“Ok.”

“Jiyeon was my girlfriend.” he starts, giving your waist a little squeeze, “But she betrayed us in SKZ as well. She was Jung’s favorite and most trusted agent.”

“Jung did mention something like that.” you say carefully, “He also said that that agent apparently left or escaped so they’re most probably with Cle now.”

“Is that what he said?” Minho says a bit too bitterly, “Well, of course that’s what he’d tell you to keep you from getting hurt. It’s true that Jiyeon left SKZ, but not because she escaped. She’s dead.”

“How?”

Minho closes his eyes, “I killed her.”

The agent expects you to stand up and scurry away from him - to feel fear and dread or perhaps look at him with disgust. It does, however, surprise him that you cuddle closer to him, gently splaying your hand on top of his chest where his heart rests. “I’m sorry.” you whisper.

Minho lifts a hand to clasp around yours on his chest and offers a gentle smile. His eyes are screaming fondness and warmth as he looks at you, “It’s been years already though. I put it behind me.”

“If I may ask...what did she do?” you shift to look up at him from where you lay.

“Jiyeon and I joined SKZ at the same time. Trained together, got assigned to the same team almost always, and eventually got involved romantically. We were a pretty good team along with Chan and sometimes Bin. I always had her back, and she always had mine. But at some point in time, her behavior shifted and she became more...elusive and mysterious. She avoided a lot of conversations, chose to take missions by herself, and even avoided me for a while. Jung dismissed my concerns; that’s his greatest weakness. For someone of a high position, he’s much too trusting of his own men. I assume that’s why he didn’t realize Dr. Baek was doing...things in the secret labs. Thankfully, Chan understood where I was coming from and we decided to investigate or track her movements. That led me to speculate her involvement with a third-party organization, though I did not think it was Cle at the time.”

“Did you ever actually catch her red-handed?”

“She tried to kill me first. She knew I was suspicious of her after one evening. But I was awake and able to stop her. I let her walk away because I somehow knew we’d cross paths again. Ironically...I crossed paths with her in one of the lounge rooms of the lab department where no one was currently staying in. Hyunbin isn’t the only plot twist - Jiyeon was too. She was involved with Cle’s experiments back then. She was in charge of facilitating certain events that allowed Dr. Baek and his men to acquire certain materials and to keep nosy SKZ agents away from where you were conducting tests.”

“So...how’d you stop - how’d she die?”

“I shot her.” Minho says plainly, “The day that fight broke out in the lab was the day Cle was supposed to transport their experiments to another base or location, according to what Jiyeon was saying. I told Jung, and he told me to dispose of any traitors I could find. That included her. I was expecting to hesitate and find myself torn over the decision, but…I wasn’t. The sight of Jiyeon angered me. She lied to me and broke my trust like a fool, so I was angry. Killing her was...easy. But the realization of what I did hit harder after her death. It haunted me for so long, and I blamed it on myself for being weak...for allowing myself to waste time on human emotions and relationships. Ever since then, I hardened my heart and detached myself from everyone except for Chan and the boys.”

You were about to say something when Minho suddenly says, “But during the aftermath of that incident, Jung and I went to the lab to check on everything and round up the traitors who weren't able to escape. Then I saw you on the floor, crying and looking broken and lost with the chaos going around. I didn’t know you back then - just thought you were an innocent scientist or doctor caught in the fight. But I could tell that something broke you that day the same way killing Jiyeon broke me, and that caused something to stir in me. I knew the pain you were going through, so I consoled you.”

A fragment of your memories flashed in your mind, a sudden realization falling over you as Minho’s words sank in.

You sat on the lab floor with an empty expression, blood dripping down your face and black smoky soot smudging your skin. An agent you didn’t know or have never seen held you in his arms, whispering that it was going to be ok as Jung angrily ordered the others to search for the escaped “traitors”.

“That was you…” you breathe out.

“That was me.” Minho smiles gently, “After seeing you like that, and after I reacted the way I did, I realized that human emotions were...complicated, but they weren’t stupid. It's just that...it’s not something to be wasted on the wrong people. Emotions were something to be used with someone or people who deserved it. When Jung instructed me to fetch you back to SKZ, I somehow connected the dots that you were a scientist involved in that incident and not just an innocent casualty.”

“I see.” you trail off gently, “Why didn’t you say anything? If you knew who I was or what I did already? Is that why you put your trust in me despite me being so secretive?”

“More or less. I figured you’d be more hostile and hesitant to trust me if you found out that I knew about your past.” he admits, “It’s...your defense mechanism. You shut out anyone and anything related to your past, so I wanted to wait until you fully trusted me.”

“You really are something else, Lee Minho.” you hum gently, lips curling into a small smile, “Truly something else.”

“So are you, Song y/n.” Minho hugs you closer.

You chuckle, “Thank you for telling me, Minho. I didn’t know you had gone through so much as well. That’s what Jeongin probably meant when he said you had your reasons for acting certain ways.”

Minho nods, “You’ve put your trust in me, y/n. It’s only fair for me to be transparent with you. And yeah, Jeongin was right. I had my reasons, just as you had yours.”

You let out a sleepy yawn before nuzzling closer to the male agent, “It’s nice to not have to keep secrets anymore.”

“Indeed.” Minho kisses the top of your head, “Thank you for trusting me, y/n.”

“And thank you for not giving up on gaining my trust despite me being difficult.” you smile, lifting your head from his chest and onto the pillow below.

Minho shifts to lie on his side and presses a gentle kiss on your lips before holding you close to him, “Deserved, my dear. Now, let’s get some sleep. You had a rough day.”

“Mhmm.” you let out another yawn, “Good night, Minho.”

“Good night, y/n.”

“I love you.” Minho merely says it in his mind, but he knows he’ll be able to tell you someday.

And perhaps you’d say the same.

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hartrathaway · 3 years

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Hii I'm interested in Hartley's story but I know literally nothing about him except that he was Wally's gay bestie in the 90s, what's his deal? Do you have any comic recs for him?

HI IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!!!!!!!

Okay, so really brief, his dealio is: born to ‘incredibly rich’ parents (we never get a specified ballpark, but Hartley states that he was ‘born with two silver spoons in [his] mouth’ if that helps context wise), Hartley’s deaf! His parents had him get cochlear implants when he was a child, which ‘medically healed him’. (His deafness has been treated extremely ablest by writers who actually remember he’s deaf, I need to warn you of this now.) He’s a music and sound waves guy, a former villain (it’s an on again off again relationship, but a lot of his character is defined by his time as a hero) and he’s very leftist. Gay best friend in the AIDS crisis turned Wally West from a midwestern conservative to a leftie as well. (Wally’s wife, Linda Park, was a major contributing factor, but we’re focusing on Hartley for this, so I’m gonna talk about him.)

I’ve got a mix of good reading from all over, so I’m gonna break this into sections, and do my best to describe which is which. (all my screencaps are from this website right here, because i do not own all the back issues and it would have taken much, much longer to do this post, and as such, some of them are not sized or formatted correctly) Click the read more if you’re interested! Please note: I am not a 100% authority figure on Hartley, and I know there’s a few stories I have left out (the story with Bart Allen’s first appearance is a good one that Hartley is in), but these are the gist of who is he, what he’s been up to, and what is the family drama.

So for New Earth (otherwise known as post-Crisis on Infinite Earths), is where Hartley actually becomes Wally’s friend, and is a hero! I’m going to focus on this section first. Unfortunately, due to being a minor character, a lot of stuff is broken into small stories, or things that are happening behind the scenes, so there’s no real issue x - y that’s gonna help much.

The Flash Vol 2 #31, #32 Quick summary: In issue 31, supervillain here is killing homeless people, Hartley has been helping these same people get up on their feet by helping them get squatter’s rights. They skip the fighting because a kid asks if they’re going to fight for a half hour and then team up, and go right to the team up. They get Linda Park in, supervillain ends up backfiring his powers. In issue 32, Wally, Hartley, and their pal Mason officially move to Keystone city. Hartley’s folks are in trouble while the three of them are trying to freeload (off of Hartley’s parents, his and his parents’ relationship is better now than it had been, for a multitude of reasons), Wally and Hartley rescue Hartley’s parents, we also meet Jerrie, Hartley’s sister, and all is resolved there. Yay, the family loves each other again!

(issue 31)

(issue 32)

The Flash Vol 2 #53 Special mention this is the issue where Hartley comes out and also has to inform Wally that Wally cannot tell who is a homosexual. Also Wally’s an IRS agent here, for shame Wallace. At least Hartley gets to cosplay Wally at the end, so that’s fun. Content warning for this issue specifically is some casual homophobia, just so you know that going in.

(issue 53)

The Flash Vol 2 #170 In 170, Hartley’s being contacted by his father to call in ‘a favor’ that Hartley owes him. The main plot line includes (one of) Wally’s ex(es) showing up, a former hero and teammate, Frances Kane, otherwise known as Magneta. A person has been found murdered at Keystone Motors, and supervillain Goldface begins rallying union workers (which seems to just be a poorly timed coincidence). The story itself (170 - 173) in and of itself is really fun, but I’m only going to talk about Hartley, or else I’ll be here all day.

(issue 170)

The Flash Vol 2 #174, #175, #178, #179 And here we get some drama! I’m grouping all of these together, since it’s all the same chunk of the story for Hartley, but since it’s the Flash, Wally’s center stage. In 174, the people who were living with the Rathaway family aren’t exactly big fans of Hartley. They know he’s changed his ways, he’s a hero now, but it’s just… something feels off. There’s loud music sounds, and bam! Suddenly Hartley’s there and oh boy is this gonna be a hot mess. In issue 175, we see some footage, and Hartley’s the lead suspect in his parents’ murder, considering that the footage has Hartley onscreen. 178 rolls up, and after Wally’s getting Gorilla Grodd taken care of (and that fight is a doozy), Wally gets to find out Hartley’s been arrested for the murder of his own parents, and Hartley confesses on-screen to his parents’ murder (Also Hartley’s got a beard now, that’s how you know he’s depressed.) 179 opens with Hartley being processed. Linda and Wally go to see him, and although Hartley confessed, he said “I think I did.” (emphasis is mine; in the panel Hartley says “I think I did.”) Joker? He’s got some Joker-fied people, and poor Hartley gets it too :( Hartley straight up nearly kills Captain Boomerang (it’s okay, Wally stops him), and surprise! Welcome back to Iron Heights Hartley. Gonna have a fun time :)

(issue 174; this is the least messy part of the panel, but it was intended to be that way)

(issue 175)

(issue 178)

(issue 179)

The Flash: Iron Heights Brief interlude from the main comic line, we’ve got a one-shot that’s taking place in Iron Heights. This takes place before Hartley gets arrested, presumably (since, y’know, they’re breaking in and all). Fun one-shot honestly, keeps me on my toes the whole time. Hartley’s a main character, and it’s less personal drama and very story driven. You don’t need this to enjoy Hartley regardless, but I enjoy it!

(The Flash: Iron Heights, which you can read here.)

The Flash Volume 2 #189, #190 189! Now we find out how Hartley’s parents were actually murdered! No spoilers, but we do get a prison breakout. This is where we get some origin story! Don’t read this first though, because you’re going to be spoiling yourself the plot of his arrest. In 190 we get more origin, including the way DC treated his deafness. (It’s ablest, and I’m still mentally grappling how you wouldn’t notice your child being deaf for two years, but okay Rachel and Osgood, you keep being bad.) The story goes on for now, with Hartley on the run from… well, everyone.

(issue 189)

(issue 190)

This is pretty much it for New Earth Hartley up until Countdown.

I don’t like Countdown at all. I’m much happier pretending that Countdown doesn’t exist (both because of how it treats Hartley for a multitude of reasons, and how Thad Thawne is treated leading up to Countdown). More happens with Hartley’s storyline in Countdown, but I hate it with such a passion that I wouldn’t recommend it at all. Countdown leads into Final Crisis, and I’m not a fan of either. However, should you wish to read and make your own opinions, here’s Countdown and here’s Final Crisis. Please note, Countdown’s issues are done in reverse order (so from issue 51 to 1, rather than 1 to 51)

And now I’m going to tell you the gospel truth:

I do like New 52 Hartley! A lot. Unfortunately, he’s not as much in the n52 Flash run as I would like (but I’m biased, as obvious by my url). What you need to know is that Hartley’s a musician now, like orchestra director, and he’s in a relationship with Barry’s boss, David Singh. (power move, honestly) Unfortunately, we don’t get a whole lot in the main line. Also at this point, the Wally West of New Earth hasn’t transitioned to the n52. Wallace West of n52 is an entirely different character, and that’s a whole other issue for another discussion. Wally West as we know him from New Earth doesn’t come back for a while. Wally and Hartley haven’t talked since before Flashpoint, and that’s a shame.

So read the Crimes of Passion Anthology he’s got please I’m begging you. The only downside is that the artist gave him a haircut.

(Crimes of Passion: Secret Admirer)

I haven’t read anything DCeased related, and while I know Hartley gets his time to shine and kiss David, I can’t tell you much beyond that. I’m pretty sure there’s other people who can tell you more, but it’s not me I’m afraid. (This is me saying guys, please tell me about Hartley in DCeased, someone tell me about my fictional lavender marriage husband.)

#Anonymous #ask #hartley rathaway #pied piper #pied piper dc #dc #(for my own records)#i'm biased and i hope the read more keeps the worst of this off of my followers' dashes #hope this helps!!!!

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whumpmatsus · 3 years

Note

Hi! 👋 Two things! First, a fic request (again Ichimatsu whump because I'm sorry but I have to): Ichimatsu takes a hit meant for one of his brothers (be it accidental or on purpose) and is pretty badly injured. Cue the rest of the Matsu Bros. to the rescue!

And second, um...would you be okay with it if, let's just say hypothetically, I made fan art of some of these fics? 😺

FIRST OF ALL thank you for this because it's LITERALLY the longest thing I've written on this blog so far!! so I hope u enjoy it fully uwu

Matsu Bros plus a cameo by Mama Matsu!! <3

second... YESSSS THAT IS ALWAYS DEFINITELY OKAY!!! aaaaaaa you flatter me <3 <3 <3

When Ichimatsu first wakes up in the hospital, he doesn’t remember why he’s here. Hell, he barely even remembers who he is.

All he really knows initially is that he’s in a lot of pain. It hurts to breathe, his face is kind of numb in spots, and his leg feels weirdly positioned, plus heavy and uncomfortable. His shoulder feels kind of sore… as does his wrist.

There’s also some strange fog drifting around his mind that’s making it difficult to really focus on anything.

He feels a hand in his own. Not very tight… he thinks it’s someone giving just enough pressure to let him know they’re here. That he’s not alone. That’s comforting, he thinks.

Then he starts to remember things.

He was out walking with some of the others; Karamatsu and maybe Totty? What they were doing is a little fuzzy and isn’t coming to him instantly. He just recalls they were together, walking on the sidewalk. They came to a crosswalk and waited their turn. Karamatsu, as the eldest out of the three, stepped forward first to cross.

Ichimatsu thinks Karamatsu’s intention was that he would hold Totty’s hand to keep the youngest safe while they crossed, and Ichimatsu could follow after them. He doesn’t believe Totty had any objections.

They waited. They followed all the rules they were supposed to. The crosswalk light told them they were allowed to go.

It was someone else who broke the rules, tearing through a stop sign, the car headed right for his brothers. He… thinks he remembers Totty had only just come forward to grab Karamatsu’s hand, so he wasn’t quite there yet. Karamatsu was the one in the most danger.

He doesn’t remember much else. Running forward, pushing his baby brother behind him and yelling for his big brother to move.Then an impact. A lot of pain. Black and nothingness and warmth.

Now he’s awake. Putting the pieces together, he’s pretty sure he shoved Karamatsu forward and ended up getting hit by that car.

He thinks, in his haze, that the car should have hit Karamatsu, because he was the one who went first, because things happened so fast. But he’s glad it didn’t happen that way.

A couple groans catch the attention of whoever’s in the room, and he gets a squeeze to the hand. “Ichimatsu? Honey? Are you awake?”

“Mmh…” It hurts a little to move his head. He does it anyway, getting a glimpse of his mother. “… Mom…?”

It looks like she’s smiling… relieved, maybe. “Yes! Yes, my sweet boy, Mama is here.” She reaches her free hand over to gently stroke his hair. It feels nice. “Thank goodness. How do you feel?”

He closes his eyes. “I hurt.”

“Well, I should hope so! I’d be worried if you weren’t in a lot of pain right now. Do you remember what happened?”

Although he tries to move around, it’s difficult simply because it’s so painful. “Uh, yeah, kind of… I got… hit by a car, right? ― H… hey… Karamatsu and Totty… where are they? Are they okay?”

“Yes, dear, they’re both fine. Karamatsu has a couple of scrapes, but nothing serious. You, on the other hand, are lucky, young man. You’ve got a broken leg, a couple of broken ribs, and a broken wrist. You did have a dislocated shoulder, but they got that back into place. The doctor said it could have been much worse. She said you got off easy compared to some people who get hit by a car.”

She combs his bangs back in a way that mitigates any anger or frustration in her next words. “What were you thinking?”

“The car was coming for Karamatsu…” He frowns as the memory surfaces again, in slightly better detail. Damn. “… And Totty didn’t see it… he was gonna step out, too…”

Everything seemed to happen so fast. How the hell did he manage to get his older brother out of the way and keep his younger brother out of the way when everything happened so fast?

Matsuyo sighs and continues stroking his hair. “Oh, I know… they were both in tears when we all arrived. Totty was inconsolable… saying that Karamatsu would be dead if you hadn’t run forward and that he thought you were dead because you weren’t responding. I should be mad that you scared your brothers… but…”

She leans forward to kiss his forehead. “… You did a brave thing, Ichimatsu. Mama is very proud of you. I just don’t like any of you boys hurt… if you’re inclined to do this again, pull the other person back instead of taking their place. You silly boy,” she adds with an affectionate smile.

“Hah…” he laughs weakly, wincing at the pain in his chest. “Sorry, Mom. Everything hurts… I wanna go home.”

“Mhm, they’ll probably let you go pretty soon now that you’re awake. That’s the main thing they were waiting for, I think.” She moves her hand down to pat lightly at his forearm.

“Don’t worry. You’ll be home before you know it, and your family will take good care of you.”

Coming home is kind of weird.

Ichimatsu can’t really walk on his own. Since his leg is broken, the doctor gave him a crutch that he can use with his good hand, but it’s an awkward movement and leaves him feeling unbalanced. It’s just easier to lean on one of his brothers to walk ― in this case, Choromatsu has volunteered to help if Ichimatsu needs to walk somewhere. Though… he gets the feeling that the others would be more than happy to volunteer if the third eldest were somehow busy when he needs to get up.

Every motion, from sitting up to reaching for things to just breathing, is painful thanks to the broken ribs. There’s nothing that can really be done for those, so he’s evidently got to just suffer. He remembers the doctor saying they should feel quite a bit better in a couple of weeks. Most of this is going to take a month or more to fully heal, which is… according to Osomatsu, a ‘major boner-killer’.

Sitting around doing nothing but being in pain is going to be the end of Ichimatsu. He’s sure of that. He can’t go outside to feed the cats, and it’s difficult to cuddle with them inside with all his injuries. That alone is pretty depressing.

The pain medication they sent him home with is also a little frustrating. The first time he takes it, it makes him so tired he sleeps right through dinner.

He falls asleep on the couch in the spare room, he knows, because it’s where he has to be set up for now. There’s noway he can sleep in the futon with everyone else while he tries to heal; that runs the risk of running into someone, or having one of his brothers accidentally run into him.

His leg’s in a cast and his wrist is in a splint, to protect them as they fix themselves, but if those areas have someone roll onto them, it’ll probably result in more damage. Which means more pain and more time added to his recovery.

It’s apparently a bad idea to sleep on the couch. When he wakes up, everything is sore and screaming in pain. Justified, unfortunately, since he fell asleep in the same position he was relaxing in.

Someone else… is here? There’s something warm pressed up against his side.

He glances over to find that he’s evidently been resting on Karamatsu’s shoulder, likely for a while given that Karamatsu’s eyes are closed too. It looks dark out, and Ichimatsu’s foggy mind busies itself wondering what time it is.

There’s a soft chuckle beside him, and looking over reveals one of his big brother’s eyes is cracked open now. It’s swiftly followed by the other one, then the sudden absence of a pressure around his shoulder makes him aware that Karamatsu had an arm around him. “Awake, hm?”

“Yeah…” He tries to stretch, stopped short when a jolting pain in his chest reminds him that it’s definitely a bad idea. “Oww. I don’t even remember falling asleep.”

“That’s alright. You started to get a bit drowsy about half an hour after Osomatsu-nii-san gave you your medicine. We saved you a plate from dinner, though, if you want me to go warm it up.”

Ichimatsu blinks. “I slept through dinner?? Shit. How late is it right now?”

His brother shifts a bit more to take out his phone. “Hm… a bit after midnight.”

“Midnight?” Well, fuck. Although he can justify an hour nap or so, he’s just slept like six hours. He missed dinner, he missed going to the bathhouse, he missed maybe a game of cards before bed.

Karamatsu laughs again, his hand tousling Ichimatsu’s hair fondly. “That’s right, my brother. Don’t worry. Osomatsu-nii-san said fatigue is a side effect of your medicine, and your body needs sleep right now, anyway. So, are you hungry? Mommy made soba and yakitori for dinner, but if you’d rather have something else, just say the word. Your wish is my command!”

Honestly… he’s not really that hungry. He knows he should probably eat; his stomach is just trying to tell him not to have anything heavy. Another side effect of the medication, maybe. “Are you… sure? I kind of just feel like plain miso and rice. Other stuff doesn’t sound good.”

“Of course! I’d be delighted to go heat some up. You simply rest and I’ll…” When he goes to stand up, something catches Ichimatsu’s eye, and he grabs his brother’s hand, weakly, with his own injured one. It’s painful, but…

Karamatsu’s eyes focus on his younger brother, brows furrowing. “Ichimatsu? What’s the matter?”

It’s… that cut on Karamatsu’s face. Ichimatsu didn’t notice it before. Now that he’s a bit more alert, it’s practically all he can see. It’s not very big, maybe the length of one of their little fingers, and not deep. It looks like a scrape from falling off one’s bike or something. He thinks maybe it had a bandage on it at one point. The color has faded into something dull; the skin around is still bright pink, though, suggesting that it’s irritated despite not being cut.

His gaze shifts down to find similar wounds on Karamatsu’s hands. On the palms, where he probably got a sort of road rash when he tried to catch himself after Ichimatsu pushed him out of the way.

His own wrist protests with a violent throb as he reaches to let his fingers graze lightly over Karamatsu’s wrist. Image after image of what might have happened to him if Ichimatsu wasn’t fast enough comes unbidden into his head. Karamatsu could be the one with a broken leg or broken ribs, or it could have been worse.

“Y… you’re okay… right?” As soon as those words are out of his mouth, tears start spilling. All at once he’s pulled into a hug, loose fists resting against his back. He can’t stop himself from leaning in, pressing his face against Karamatsu’s shoulder.

He can feel the soft rumble of mirthless laughter his big brother gives. “You’re the one who was hurt, Ichimatsu. I’m only okay because of you. If you hadn’t seen… I wasn’t paying attention…”

The words, “It should have been me”, hang heavily in the air even though Karamatsu doesn’t say them.

He brushes a delicate kiss over the side of his little brother’s forehead. “Heh… you would have been a better big brother than me. You kept us all safe when I failed. You probably saved my life, you know. Thank you.”

Ichimatsu isn’t sure why it’s now that the full weight of everything has hit him. Now, when he’s home and out of danger, when everything is okay. Shouldn’t he have been falling apart when he first woke up in the hospital? It shouldn’t have taken seeing Karamatsu’s small injuries to remind him that they all could have died when he’s the one in a cast.

It’s hard to keep himself together, to keep his breathing normal so he doesn’t completely go to pieces. (Though, if he did, what better place to do so than in his older brother’s arms?) “… You’d do the same for me, right? So it’s only fair.”

“I would,” Karamatsu hums. “Without a second thought. You’re my little brother and I love you very much and if I could save you from being hurt, I would. I’m… sorry I was so careless that I couldn’t do it this time.”

Ichimatsu grunts, slipping his good arm around Karamatsu’s waist in an effort to be closer. “Don’t feel too bad. The next car’ll be yours.”

After eating as much as he feels like he can, Ichimatsu allows Karamatsu to help transfer him to the floor. It’s already set up with a spare futon, a blanket, and a pillow, probably because someone guessed that sleeping on the sofa wouldn’t be comfortable.

He’s still in so much pain. The shoulder that was reduced back into place aches like an old war wound, and his chest is sore even when he’s lying still. To say nothing of his wrist and his leg. His whole body feels like one giant bruise, except worse.

Although Karamatsu insists he’d be just fine to stand guard all night, after a few minutes Choromatsu comes in and sends him back to the bedroom. Ichimatsu doesn’t hear too much of the conversation ― mostly whispers that Karamatsu needs to go get some sleep, that Choromatsu is glad to take a turn.

Soon enough, though, Karamatsu relents and comes to tell Ichimatsu goodnight before he leaves the room. Ichimatsu gets one more kiss on the head and a reassuring squeeze to his good hand and exchanges another round of “I love you”s with his brother, then heads into the bedroom.

Choromatsu came prepared, setting his own pillow up on the couch and tossing a blanket at the end just in case he needs it. “So… how are you feeling, Ichimatsu?”

“Mm… like crap, kinda.” He looks over to where his brother is trying to get settled in. “I can’t believe I slept six hours and I’m still tired. What kind of shit did they put me on?”

“Hah… y-yeah, it’s the good stuff, probably. Is it at least helping the pain a little?”

“A little. Like Mom said before we left the hospital, I… guess it’d be more worrying if I wasn’t in pain right now. I did get hit by a car.”

Choromatsu leans forward and places a cautious hand on his little brother’s head. Once that earns him no punishment, he gingerly combs through Ichimatsu’s hair. It certainly feels relaxing. “You sure did. I… I can’t believe you kept both Karamatsu and Totty safe. Adrenaline’s a… a weird thing, huh? I’m glad you’re all okay. Hopefully the pain medicine will work better once you’ve had a few doses.”

“Mh. I hope so.”

“Yeah. For now, just, uh�� just try to get some more sleep, okay? Your body needs a lot of rest while you’re healing.”

Yep, that’s what Karamatsu said, too. Two of his brothers saying the same thing can’t be wrong. … Well, they could be, but it would be weird. “I’ll try. Thanks for… being here. I dunno that I’d really want to sleep alone for the whole night. Guess Totty’s rubbing off on me.”

A low chuckle leaves Choromatsu as Ichimatsu closes his eyes. The sound of rustling suggests that his older brother has laid down and pulled a blanket over himself as well.

After a moment of quiet between them, Ichimatsu becomes keenly aware of a sensation that definitely isn’t going to allow him to sleep. “Uuuugh. Shit.”

“Huh?” Choromatsu is sitting up in an instant, ready to practically spring out of his skin. “What’s wrong, Ichimatsu?”

“― My leg itches.”

“O-oh. So… scratch it??”

He throws his head back in frustration. “No, the one with the Goddamn cast on it.”

“Ohhh. Okay, uh, well…” Choromatsu gets up and rummages through one of the drawers for a few seconds.

After that, a pencil is pressed into Ichimatsu’s good hand with a smile. “Here, try this. Stick the eraser end down in the little space between your leg and the cast, then keep moving it. If the itch is high enough up, it should help.”

Ichimatsu raises an eyebrow at the advice. Well. What’s he got to lose, after all? He spends a moment trying to get the itch scratched after slipping the pencil down, and finally he sighs in relief. “Fuck, that’s a lot better. How’d you know that was gonna work?”

Choromatsu grins self-consciously, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Ah, well… remember when I broke my arm? When I went for my checkup, I had this itch inside the cast that was driving me nuts. So the nurse showed me this trick. It doesn’t always work, but…”

“Huh… well… thanks.” After everything, he’s just really tired and ready to sleep now. He would cross his fingers that nothing else disturbs him if he felt like moving at all.

“Heh, no problem. All good now?”

“I think so.” When he sees his brother straighten up to head back to the couch, his brain evidently thinks it’s good to say something. “H… hey. Choromatsu?”

Choromatsu looks back down, concern etched on his features. “Ah, yeah? What’s up?”

His heart is hammering so fast it feels like it’s trying to break more of his ribs. He doesn’t really want to embarrass himself. It’s just… he feels… “Can you… can you… stay for a minute? Down here?”

“Oh… yeah, sure. I can’t stay too long… I-I can’t sleep next to you. I might accidentally hurt you.” Even so, he lowers himself back down, sitting cross-legged and reaching to stroke Ichimatsu’s hair.

He nods. That’s part of the problem. Even though he normally wouldn’t have much complaint about being left to his own devices… he’s used to sleeping next to his brothers. Right on the end beside Karamatsu. When he’s not feeling well, being absent from them is apparently not doing him any favors. “I know. It’s just…”

His eyes drift closed once more. It must be the medicine making him feel out of it and way too honest. “… I think I’m gonna get lonely sleeping like this.”

“O-oh… gosh.” He can practically hear the frown in Choromatsu’s voice. The other man’s hand combs through his hair, a rhythmic and repetitive motion that makes him sleepy again. “I can probably… sleep like this, propped up against the couch. Is that okay?”

“Mmmh… I don’t want you to have to do that… you’ll make your back sore.”

He chuckles. “Ah, I-I think I can handle it. Even if that’s true, it’d be worth it to me so you don’t have to feel lonely. It’s the least I can do for my little brother.”

“I can’t stop you,” Ichimatsu mumbles. Sleep is scrabbling its tiny, strong fingers at him, trying to pull him down. It’s getting hard to resist. “If you want…”

“Yeah… yeah, I wanna do this for you.” Choromatsu leans down to press a small kiss to the top of Ichimatsu’s head. “Hey. Love you, Ichimacchan. Try to get some rest, okay?”

He doesn’t have to tell Ichimatsu twice. Within a minute of Choromatsu’s urging, he’s fallen back into a peaceful darkness.

When Ichimatsu wakes up the next morning, Choromatsu’s presence has been replaced by Jyushimatsu’s.

As much as he loves his immediate older brother, he doesn’t have any complaints. He and Jyushimatsu are very close, and his younger brother being here is pretty soothing to wake up to.

He’s uncharacteristically quiet, though that’s not to say he isn’t his usual energetic self. He appears to be flipping through baseball cards, maybe organizing them in his little album, humming to himself. There’s also one hand free to play with Ichimatsu’s hair, which he supposes is why he still feels relaxed.

“Hey, Jyushi.” His body reminds him why stretching is a bad idea right now, so he settles for arching his back a little in an effort to make something pop. Everything is sore. Even that little bit of movement hurts his ribs enough that he has trouble catching his breath for a minute. “Fuck… morning.”

“Oh! Yeah, it is morning!” Jyushimatsu is chipper as always, though when he leans in for a hug, he’s surprisingly gentle. “How’d you sleep, Ichimatsu-nii-san?”

“Okay, I guess. I still hurt a bunch.”

“Yeahhhh, you were crying in your sleep! But it’s okay! Because guess what? Jyushi is here!” He grins, nuzzling his cheek against Ichimatsu’s. It’s a bit weird, but par for the course as far as Jyushimatsu is concerned. Besides, the hug is nice after the fear of being lonely last night. “Did you have nightmares, huh?”

Now that he mentions it… yep. Ichimatsu’s dreams, or what he remembers of them, were filled with horrible things. The memory of being hit by the car, or the images of either Karamatsu or Totty being hit because he wasn’t fast enough.

He recalls one piece of a dream which involved looking into his own chest and seeing the end of a fractured rib shatter his glass heart.

A shudder runs through his body, prompting Jyushimatsu to tighten his grip just slightly. “Oh, you’re cold! It’s past breakfast, ‘cause you slept for a really long time, but I’ll go get you some tea!! Sound good?”

Given that his appetite hasn’t come back from war, that sounds better than anything else. Though he did manage to choke down that rice and miso last night, he’s not sure if he wants to eat even anything bland. “Yeah, sounds good. Put just a little bit of agave syrup in it for me?”

“Yeah! Anything for Ichimatsu-nii-san! Be right back, okay?”

With Jyushimatsu, ‘be right back’ is typically how it goes. He’s only gone for a few minutes, or at least it only seems like a few minutes.

Regardless, Ichimatsu has a cup of tea in his hand relatively quickly. Almost as if his brother predicted that it would be difficult to hold something very hot with only one hand, the tea is warm, not boiling hot.

It’s easier to balance it with one hand, plus this means it’s pretty much the perfect temperature to drink. As he starts to sip it, he feels Jyushimatsu’s hand, covered entirely by his sleeve, rubbing affectionately between his shoulder blades. “It’s good, huh?”

He swallows and gives the other a nod. “Yeah, pretty good. Thanks.” Thankfully, it should wake him up, too. He’s still feeling kind of groggy.

“Good!! Osomatsu-nii-san said he’s gonna give you your medicine in a minute, since I told him you were up and hurting.” Jyushimatsu shoves his binder of cards away, shifting up to sit on the sofa. “Do you want me to move you up here after you’re done drinking?”

“Probably, yeah. You got anything you wanna do today?” Another sip, and he sighs in relief feeling the warmth flow through him. Damn.He can’t believe he could take something as simple as a cup of tea in the morning for granted. “I can’t really help with baseball practice… but we could watch TV together or something.”

“Sure! We can watch whatever you want!” After only a few seconds, Jyushimatsu wiggles himself back down and leans against his big brother’s shoulder. “Hey, Ichimatsu-nii-san… I’m really glad you’re okay. Even though you’re hurt and everything, you’re home with us instead of… being not home with us!”

The least he can do is let his head rest gently against Jyushimatsu’s. “Yeah… I’m glad I’m home, too. Don’t think I’d rather be anywhere else.”

Jyushimatsu nods eagerly, making a brief, dull wave of pain wash through Ichimatsu. However, he’d rather have that pain than not have his little brother close. “We’ll take really good care of you! Just say if you need anything, okay? I’m really strong and I can get anything! … And if I can’t, Osomatsu-nii-san probably can!”

“Heh.” Ichimatsu takes another gulp of his tea. “You guys are the best.”

True to Jyushimatsu’s word, Osomatsu is in pretty soon to give Ichimatsu the painkillers. For whatever reason, even when he can’t be trusted with literally anything else, the eldest is pretty good at monitoring medicine when one of the others needs it.

All things being equal, Ichimatsu has a lot of faith in taking medicine when Osomatsu keeps track of it. He knows how much was dispensed, how many Ichimatsu is supposed to take and how often, how many are left, and all the related things. He’s like some kind of idiot savant who was put on Earth to be a pill counter.

After he takes it, he expects to start getting tired again, so he silently begs Osomatsu to stay on the couch with him. They’re all supposed to be hanging out anyway, based on what Jyushimatsu said, so right now he decides he wants to be close to his oldest brother for a little bit.

Osomatsu seems all too happy to oblige, snuggling Ichimatsu as close as he dares to. It’s probably not a good idea to use normal force, so the touches are… lighter than usual. It’s not so bad.

He settles in on Osomatsu’s shoulder, trying to get his eyes to focus on the show Jyushimatsu turned it to for him. It’s kind of unfortunate that he’s almost certainly going to fall asleep on it. “You guys are taking really good care of me,” he sighs, letting his eyes slip closed. “You want my allowance? Or, like… a bag of sardines?”

Osomatsu snorts. “What? You’re nuts, man. We’re taking care of you because we want to and because you need it. I mean, if I was sitting here with a broken leg, a broken wrist, broken ribs, and had to have my shoulder cherry popped back into place, wouldn’t you all be like, ‘Wow, maybe we should give the poor bastard a hand’? We’re just doing the same thing for you that we’d do for any one of us.”

Ichimatsu huffs. “Yeah, well… you’re all doing a lot. Karamatsu went in the kitchen past midnight to make me miso and rice, Choromatsu probably fucked up his back sleeping against the couch so I wouldn’t be lonely, Jyushi’s waiting on me, and you’ve got my medicine on a damn schedule or something.”

“Yeah, well,” Osomatsu grins, “I can’t leave it up to you, crackhead.”

He can’t help but chuckle at that. Even so, it’s not going to make him totally drop this. “I’m serious. You guys are…”

Osomatsu nudges him carefully. “We’re being brothers, you boner. I know we suck at showing it sometimes, but… you know we all love each other, right? I guess it’s easier to show it when one of us is sick or hurt. Just so happens you’re the hurt one right now. And also your ass is on painkillers, so everything seems weird to you.”

… Okay, so maybe he can’t fault that logic. Still, though.

They’re both quiet for a long moment while they watch the screen, then Osomatsu lets out a soft hum. “You did good, you know. I don’t like that you tried to get yourself killed, but you did good.”

“I wasn’t trying to get myself killed,” Ichimatsu retorts with the nastiest facial expression he can muster right now. “I didn’t wanna get hit, either. But Karamatsu and Totty weren’t paying attention… I didn’t want them to get hit. I was trying to get us all out of that way… I just wasn’t fast enough.”

Osomatsu scoffs before reaching his hand up to ruffle Ichimatsu’s hair. He appears to be getting a lot of pets like that lately, not that he’s complaining. It feels really good and is one of the biggest comforts he has right now. “You protected them, anyway. I can’t say too much, because you didn’t do anything I wouldn’t have done if it were me.”

Ichimatsu offers a low, mocking wail. “Oh, shit. I’m turning into you. I think I’d rather be a cat. If I were a really bratty cat, you’d still be nice enough to feed me sardines and scratch behind my ears, right?”

“Uhhhh, I guess. You’re changing the subject, you dick.” A small puff of laughter makes his bangs move. “I just… wanna say I really respect you, man. Sometimes I remember the days when you would kick Karamatsu in the leg just for breathing the wrong way. And when you used to blow Totty off to hang with your friends in high school.”

He gets a shrug in response. “People change. We’ve all changed a lot.”

“Yeah, sure. I know.” His arm shifts down and he squeezes Ichimatsu’s good hand in that reassuring, proud way only an older sibling can. “They haven’t all been good changes. But seeing you trying to keep the others safe… that’s a a good change. Just gotta give you your props, Ichimacchan.”

He’s too tired to really argue with Osomatsu. Despite the fact that he knows he’s the shittiest of them all, he has to at least silently acknowledge that what he did prevented one of his older brothers and his baby brother from being in the same pain he’s in right now.

Instead of saying anything meaningful, he just presses himself in more against Osomatsu and mutters, “That’s nice. I’m tired.”

Osomatsu snorts and Ichimatsu feels a light kiss on top of his head. “Alright, dumbass, get some sleep. The pills are probably kicking in. Let me know if you need anything.”

Ichimatsu thinks that, right now, all he needs is his big brother to be the perfect pillow, and he’s doing a pretty good job of that.

Although it’s not dark at all the next time Ichimatsu wakes up, it’s significantly later than he meant to sleep. 3 P.M., meaning that once again he’s slept through a meal ― lunch, this time.

Just like last night, he finds that he’s not really all that hungry. Even so, it might be a good idea to eat, so probably he ask Osomatsu to get him something small.

When he shifts and looks over, though, Osomatsu isn’t there anymore. Instead, there’s Totty…

… Oh.

He’s holding onto Ichimatsu pretty tight. Ichimatsu isn’t sure he can move too much with the way Totty is holding him.

“Hey,” he says softly. “Totty? Everything okay?”

His little brother stiffens, wide eyes suddenly turning up to look at him. Unlike what he noticed about Karamatsu, Totty doesn’t have any physical injuries, but… the skin around his eyes is red and puffy. “Y… yeah, it’s all good. Sorry, am I hurting you?”

“No… not really hurting.” He doesn’t remember having seen Totty too much after everything happened. He visited Ichimatsu in the hospital, all teary-eyed and not talking, before they were all allowed to take him home. Once he got home, though, he can’t recall Totty being around a lot even though everyone else was.

He assumed Totty was freaked out after everything and avoiding him just because he’s emotional right now. Seems Ichimatsu was right about that.

He maneuvers his good arm to put it around Totty’s shoulders, pulling him in closer. “Have you been crying? You sure you’re okay?”

Totty sniffles and dips his head down. “Yeah, sorry… I just…”

“Don’t be sorry, dumbass.” Even though it hurts a little to move so much, Ichimatsu cuddles his brother in against him. “It’s fine, you big crybaby. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I should be the one making sure you’re okay.” Regardless, Totty nestles in, tucking his head under Ichimatsu’s chin. It’s a bit of a weight on his hurt ribs, but it’s not that bad. “… H-hey. I, um. You know. I… I love you.”

Huh. It’s been a while since Totty has said that point-blank to any of his brothers, Ichimatsu thinks. It’s kind of nice to hear. He closes his eyes and offers an appreciative hum. “I love you, too. That it?”

Totty lets out a frustrated sigh, and Ichimatsu can just imagine the pout he has on his face. Kinda cute. He can’t really help himself; the youngest is always gonna be the baby, always gonna be adorable, even when he’s acting like a little bitch or if he wants to deny it. “I wanted to… say I’m sorry.”

“For…?”

“For… everything! Y-you know, for almost getting hit and… I mean, you got hurt trying to protect me and Karamatsu! If I hadn’t tried to follow him without even looking… you wouldn’t have had to worry about me. And… and I haven’t been with you too much since you got home…”

He nuzzles his head against Ichimatsu’s collarbone, kneading his hand against the top of his brother’s good leg. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just… I’ve been… really upset. It was scary, seeing the car hit you…”

The hum Ichimatsu gives this time is lower, pensive and understanding. “Yeah. Mom said you were crying a lot when she got to the hospital. ‘S okay to be kinda freaked out, you know.”

“Yeah, I know… and I was… am.I was scared the whole time… Karamatsu tried to wake you up, but you were just lying there and you wouldn’t…” Totty sniffles and his hand curls into a weak fist against Ichimatsu’s knee. “I didn’t wanna lose you, Ichimatsu-nii-san, and I was really afraid you were gone. I’m happy you’re okay… I just… I-I was pretty sure I was gonna cry the first time I tried to take care of you, so I… wanted to be alone with you. Crying in front of all you guys is…”

Ichimatsu nods to quiet his brother, ghosting a kiss over the top of Totty’s head. “I get it. It’s okay, Totty. C’mere, okay… you don’t have to be sorry for being freaked out and not wanting to cry and all that shit. I’m sure Karamatsu’s freaked out, too. And everyone else. Don’t apologize for your feelings, stupid.”

An indignant huff is the response he gets, before Totty presses in against Ichimatsu’s uninjured shoulder. “It just makes me think a lot,” he finally confesses.

Ichimatsu smirks. “Right. And you’re so out of practice with thinking, it’s hard. I know.”

“Th-that’s not it, you jerk!” Totty whines and brings his arms in, curled against his chest. His knees come up onto the couch, folded under him, as he tries to get comfortable. “It makes me think… anything could happen, at any moment, and that… might be it.And I know we’re all shitty to each other a lot of the time, but… but I love all of you.”

He sniffles, snuggling against Ichimatsu when his big brother pulls him even closer. “The thought that one of us might… die… I-I didn’t… I didn’t know how afraid I was of that… till I thought it happened. If one of us wasn’t here… it… it wouldn’t be the same anymore.”

“… Yeah.” Ichimatsu gives Totty a squeeze that’s maybe a little tighter than necessary. It’s not like he can pretend that Totty is wrong. He’s right. Even though they’re all assholes and treat each other like crap sometimes, the last thing any of them want is for their family to be… incomplete.

They sit quietly for what feels like a long time, holding each other. Breathing. Just existing in sync, in perfect understanding for a while.

Sometimes, it’s true, Ichimatsu is kind of a death seeker. Sometimes he really does want to die. Sometimes he doesn’t care about anything, and just wants it all to end so he doesn’t have to deal with the weight of life anymore.

Sometimes, though… sometimes he fights death with all he has. He thinks maybe that’s what happened after he got hit by the car.

It would have been easy to die then. To just let his injuries swallow him up and put out his life like blowing out a candle.

He’s in a lot of pain right now, but he’s not dead. There must be a reason, right?

He thinks this is the reason.

Holding his youngest brother and realizing how broken his absence would leave his family, thinking about how broken it would be if anyof them were gone, how much they love each other…

… For once, he’s happy to be alive.

#Osomatsu san #whump #Ichimatsu #Allmatsu #Iromatsu #Nenchuumatsu #Suujimatsu #Parkamatsu #110matsu #car accident #broken bones #medication #caretaking #HEY LOOK AT THESE AWESOME BROTHERS BEING AWESOME #SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG BUT I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.........#PLS ENJOY THE FOOD <3

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jonsa101 · 3 years

Text

Max Goodwin and Randall Pearson: The Well-Meaning, Incredibly Self-Centered Leading Men We’ve Grown to Love.

Hey fam! Like I said, I’ve been writing a ton of meta lately and this is another one that’s just been sitting in my drafts. It’s basically a This Is Us and a New Amsterdam meta which is something I haven’t done before but something I want do more of. In my Game of Thrones days I used to write a lot of meta about shows and characters that had similarities so this is fun for me. I hope y’all enjoy this. ALSO THIS HAS SPOILERS FOR BOTH SHOWS!!!!!!!

Without a doubt the two most popular shows on NBC is This is Us and New Amsterdam. And what’s not to love? They’re both emotionally driven, heartfelt, shows that focus on incredibly deep and complex topics. Though one show focuses on family dynamics and the other focuses on the healthcare system, these shows are very similar in more ways than one. Case in point, Max Goodwin and Randall Pearson. The more I watch these two shows, the more I realize how these two characters are so alike!!! These two men are kind-hearted, well intentioned, individuals who genuinely want to make some sort of positive difference. They are incredibly ambitious and always have “bright ideas” and “goals” they want to accomplish and somehow they’re able to meet those goals without ever having to sacrifice their wants and needs. By every definition these men are the “main characters” or the ultimate “protagonists.” These are the folks that we are supposed to root for. At the same time, though these men have many traits to be admired, when you truly look at it both of them can be incredibly self centered and selfish especially when it pertains to their romantic partners and love interests. No matter how appealing you make these characters out to be these men clearly fall under the Behind Every Great Man trope.

The Behind Every Great Man trope has been used countless of times throughout Cinema and TV History that I’m sure that I don’t even have to explain it to you but for the sake of this meta this is how it’s defined.

“Behind Every Great Man...stands an even greater woman! Or in about a hundred variations is a Stock Phrase referring to how people rarely achieve greatness without support structures that go generally unappreciated, and said support structure is a traditionally female role via being the wife, mother, or sometimes another relation. This trope is specifically about a man who is credited with something important, but owes much of his success to the woman in his life.”

This trope usually has a negative connotation (and rightfully so) because the man who often benefits from this is an asshole and unworthy of this type of support!

For example:

Oliva and Fitz

Cristina Yang and Burke

Cookie and Lucious

Ghost and Tasha

There are countless others but these are a few of the couples that come to mind for me. Randall and Max aren’t comparable to any of these men that are listed above but they are still operating under the same trope. It just looks nicer because Max and Randall are inherently good and inspirational. They are the heroes of the story. I would even argue and say that both men fall under the Chronic Hero Syndrome trope which is defined as

“Chronic Hero Syndrome is an "affliction" of cleaner heroes where for them, every wrong within earshot must be righted, and everyone in need must be helped, preferably by Our Hero themself. While certainly admirable, this may have a few negative side-effects on the hero and those around them. Such heroes could wear themselves out in their attempts to help everyone or become distraught and blame themselves for the one time that they're unable to save the day. Spending so much time and effort saving everyone else can also put a strain on the hero's personal or dating life.”

Just because Max and Randall have these incredibly inspiring aspirations, is it fair that their wives and love interests are always expected to rise to the occasion and support them. Is it ok for their partners to continuously sacrifice their wants and needs because they love these men?

Let’s dive into it.

Truth be told, Beth Pearson, Helen Sharpe and Georgia Goodwin had to endure a GREAT DEAL to emotionally support the dreams and aspirations of these men while sacrificing so much of themselves in the process. In media we often see women sacrificing so much of their wants and needs out of love for these male leads and rarely do men do the same thing for their romantic partners and love interests. All three of these women clearly fall under the Act of True Love trope defined as

“The Act of True Love proves beyond doubt that you are ready to put your loved one's interests before your own, that you are truly loyal and devoted to them. Usually this involves a sacrifice on your part, at the very least a considerable effort and/or a great risk. The action must be motivated, not by morals or principle or expectation of future reward, but by sheer personal affection.When your beloved is in dire need of your help, or in great danger, and you do something, at great expense to yourself, for the sake of their safety, their welfare, or their happiness, thus proving beyond any doubt that you put their interest ahead of yours.”

Over the past few seasons we have seen all three of these women truly live up to this trope without any true consequences or accountability from the men they’re making all these sacrifices for. For example, in Beth and Randall’s marriage, how many times did Randall spring an idea on Beth without truly talking to her or considering her wants first? Everyone thinks these two are an ideal couple but she has endured A LOT for Randall.

Randall has spontaneously quit his job, moved his dying biological dad into their home, bought his biological dad’s old apartment building, fostered and adopted a child and also ran for city councilman outside of his district. In all of these decisions, Randall “consulted” Beth about it but at the same time didn’t really consult her. In a way there has always been this expectation of Beth to just go along for the ride with what Randall wants. Is anyone else exhausted from reading that list?! That’s a lot for partner to endure and lovingly support. But Beth has endured and has been Randall’s rock through it all!!! What worries me is that the one time Beth spoke out about her wants and needs of pursuing dance again, he couldn’t match the same energy she was giving him and eventually it led to world war three between them. Though things are looking up in their relationship and he’s starting to support her more, has Randall nearly given to Beth as much as she’s given to him? Absolutely not!

Similar to Randall, Max also had a wife who was a dancer. in fact, she was a prima ballerina. Unlike Randall and Beth, Max relationship with Georgia was rocky from the start. When we were first introduced to them Max and Georgia were separated and rightfully so. Georgia was never Max’s first priority. The hospital always came first in their relationship. He couldn’t even dedicate a full night to her for their proposal. In order to “save” their marriage they decide to have a baby and they both committed to taking a step back in their careers in order to do so. The problem was Max didn’t keep his side of their commitment and took a job to become the medical director at the biggest public hospital in the U.S. She gave up her career to start a family and he totally and completely betrayed her trust. So throughout season one we see them trying to rebuild their marriage but even in the midst of trying to rebuild a marriage based on trust and mutual respect Max still keeps things from Georgia. For several episodes he didn’t tell her that he had advance stages of throat cancer. He only told her when Georgia asked him to move back home. That’s fucked up! Then throughout their pregnancy he was never fully there for Georgia because he was either to preoccupied with the hospital or himself. At the end of it all, Georgia died tragically at the beginning of season two and really had nothing to show for it in her relationship with Max other than her daughter Luna.

Now let’s bring Helen Sharpe into the fold. While all of this stuff was going on with Max and his wife in season one, Max was developing a deep friendship, borderline emotional affair with Helen. Their relationship started out with Helen being his oncologist. As the new Medical Director of New Amsterdam, he swore Helen to secrecy about his diagnosis so that he could still run the hospital. Through that secrecy they eventually formed a deep bond but as his cancer got worse his secret was let out of the bag. He realistically needed someone to step up and run the hospital when he was going through chemo and though Helen already had commitments she stepped up and became his deputy medical director. Somewhere along the lines Max and Helen started developing feelings for each other. As Helen becomes aware of those feelings, she made a choice and decides to remove herself as Max’s doctor. He BITCHES about it but eventually accepts the boundary she’s clearly trying to set. Mind you, as this is unfolding, like Max, Helen is also in a new relationship with her boyfriend Panthaki. As Max’s cancer seems to be getting worse with his new doctor, she goes back on her boundary and decides to be his doctor again. This pisses her boyfriend off because he could already peep the vibe between them and he breaks up with her. When we get into season two, Max’s wife died and Helen set him up in a clinical trail (with a doctor she previously fired) that’s helping his cancer. Unbeknownst to Max, this doctor ends up holding his life saving treatment plan over Helen’s head and in order for his treatment to continue she gives this doctor half of her department!

Helen has sacrificed a lot for Max and now in season three she’s finally prioritizing her current wants and needs first! Like Randall, Max is starting to turn a page and is starting to support Helen and truly listen to the wants and needs that she has. All of this is good but my question is did any of these women have to sacrifice so much for the men in their lives to get a clue?

Why is it that this is a trope we see in media time and time and time again? Even if these men are good, why don’t we still keep these male characters accountable when they put their significant others in these situations that are clearly not fair? I’ve watched countless tv shows and I’ve seen a lot of tv couples but I think I have only come across one couple where the male counterpart has selflessly loved his significant other and has always put her needs above his own.

That character my friend is none other than PACEY WITTER

I might be mistaken but I think Joey and Pacey are the most popular ship in tv history and honestly, rightfully so! This is only example I can think of where the male in the relationship so willingly puts the wants and needs of his partner first. It is a completely selfless and sacrificial love. He never wants to hold her back and he never asks her to compromise her wants or needs for him. That’s why I think so many women love Pacey because in a sea of TV relationships, Pacey Witter is a fucking unicorn.

So to wrap this up does this mean that I hate Randall Pearson or Max Goodwin? No! I adore them. I love both of their characters so much. I just think that when we see the media continuously play out the sacrificial wife/love interest for the sake of their male counterparts, it should be called out. I’m all about sacrificial and selfless love but it should come from both sides.❤️❤️❤️

Anyway I hope y’all enjoy this! As always my DMs are opening here or on Twitter @oyindaodewale

#new amsterdam #sharpwin #This Is US #max goodwin #helen sharpe #randall pearson #beth pearson #georgia goodwin #pacey witter #joey x pacey #new amsterdam meta

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justheretobreakthings · 3 years

Text

Whumpmas in July: Day 9

@whumpmasinjuly

“Look at me.”

Read on AO3 My house, my rules, my ko-fi

Even through his paladin armor, the fire was far too hot. Shiro could swear he could feel the flames of the burning walls licking against his skin as he raced by them, and was certain he would be covered in blisters by the time he got back to the castle. His helmet – especially the crackling in his ear reminding him that the comm hadn’t been working since they’d entered Viuter’s atmosphere and would be no help to him now – was irritating him, making him feel trapped and claustrophobic and plastering his sweaty hair against his skull and preventing him from wiping his bangs out of his eyes. Still, it was protection, enough protection to keep him upright and moving, and even though smoke clouded his line of sight, the visor of his helmet kept it out of his eyes, and the oxygen actuator mostly kept him from breathing in the ash.

Which meant Keith’s armor was giving him that same protection. Which meant he was fine. Wherever he was.

Keith shouldn’t have been in the building in the first place. He’d been blocks away when the explosion had occurred, the paladins all having separated to confer with different members of the Viuteran council. It had made sense, getting more done in less time and everyone getting to stick to their specialties, and it had resulted in Keith being all the way in the infantry armory building at the time of the blast. Shiro, though, had been right near the explosion, in the next building over where he and Allura were meeting with a group of military strategists. As he’d been wearing armor and Allura hadn’t, it was only natural that Shiro was the one to take the initiative of running into the building and taking charge of evacuating as many Viuterans as he could.

Sure, it would have been better if the comms had been working and the paladins could all coordinate together, but that wasn’t really any more than a flickering and quickly dismissed thought in Shiro’s mind. He would focus on rescue now, find his teammates when he was done.

It took longer than he would have liked to reach the point when he could look for them, but it came eventually. Once the building was deeply engulfed in flames and there was too much risk of it collapsing in on itself for it to be safe for Shiro to go back in and keep up the rescue efforts. He handed off an unconscious Viuteran to an emergency worker and looked around to find himself in the midst of a dizzying scene. Sirens were wailing, soldiers and civilians alike were running amok, some trying to escape, some trying to help contain the spreading fire. And all of it cast in an eerie red, the thick smoke in the sky blocking out all light except for that of the fire.

Pidge was the paladin he spotted, her green armor sticking out boldly against all the red and gray, and her face flooded with relief when spotted him approaching. “Oh thank fuck!” she cried, rushing to meet him. “When Allura said you were in there I – I didn’t know if – God, kept hoping the comms would magically start working and I could make sure you were – ”

“Is Allura okay?” Shiro hated to interrupt, but now that he’d found one of his teammates, he was more than eager to find the rest, make sure everyone was okay.

“Right, right, follow me,” Pidge said, and she hurried to lead the way, winding through the chaos. “Allura’s this way, they’ve got first aid stuff going so that was the first place I looked, to see who was hurt. Lance and Coran – they left ages ago. Before this bomb, apparently a different one went off on the other side of the city. Like, one minute difference. My guess is they were planned to go off at the same time, but they weren’t coordinated quite right. Anyway, they went to get Blue and they were heading that way, so I don’t know when they’re gonna be – ”

“Shiro! Shiro, you’re okay!” A voice cut across Pidge’s rapid speech as they approached what appeared to be a makeshift triage center in the square, and Shiro turned to see Hunk clambering in their direction as fast as the armful of medical supplies he was carrying would allow. Behind him, Allura looked up from where she had been bent over an injured Viuteran, her glowing hands pressed against his leg. Relief washed over her face, and she started in their direction too the moment she had finished.

Shiro nodded in acknowledgment to Hunk. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

“You sure?” Hunk asked. “You’re not hurt at all? Your armor’s looking kinda beat up, you might be hurt and not even realize it because of adrenaline! Do you feel dizzy at all? Do you need water? Do you need to sit down?”

“Hunk, I’m fine, really,” Shiro reassured him, turning his attention to Allura as she joined them. “How’s everything holding up here?”

“As well as we can hope for,” Allura said. “Everyone’s been too busy trying to get people to safety to investigate, so I don’t know where the bombs were, who may have been behind it, what the intent was – I take Keith was able to reach you? Where is he now?”

Shiro frowned. “What?”

“I thought – surely by now he would’ve – ”

“Allura,” Shiro said, voice tight. “What do you mean? Where’s Keith?”

“He was here, but he – I told him where you’d gone, and he took off, didn’t even let me finish the sentence. I thought he was going to help you with the evacuation.”

Keith had gone after him. Shiro had gone into the heart of the fire, and Keith had followed him in, and he hadn’t even realized. It hadn’t even occurred to him until Allura mentioned his name that he hadn’t yet seen Keith anywhere, but now…

Shit.

“I’m going after him,” he said, turning on his heel.

“What?” Pidge said. “Hang on, you think he’s still looking for you in there?”

“I know he is.”

“Wait, Shiro,” Allura said, “It’s certainly not safe! Surely Keith would have had the sense to get out of there by this point, we ought to – ”

“No.” Shiro shook his head. “No, he’s – I gotta get him. I’ll meet you all here when I’ve found him.”

One of them called his name again, as he took off running, but he ignored it. All his focus was on moving forward, his feet pounding the ground as he raced faster than he could ever remember having moved in his life, back toward the flames.

In any other circumstances, Shiro would agree that, yes, Keith had the sense to get out. He could be rash and stubborn and even foolish at times, but Shiro at least liked to think that Keith had been getting better about knowing when it was better to retreat than to dive headlong into danger. His failed battle with Zarkon, at least, had knocked that lesson into his head.

But he knew Keith, and more importantly, he knew Keith’s past. As little as Keith liked to open up about his life, he had at least let Shiro in on a bit about his dad. And how he’d lost him. Shiro had seen the look in Keith’s face whenever his dad had come up, the emptiness and desolation when he’d explained how that fire had taken him.

And he had seen the desperation and determination in his little brother’s eyes whenever Keith made it clear that he couldn’t go through a loss like that again. Whenever he insisted that he’d never have to take on the role of team leader because Shiro wasn’t going anywhere. He’d heard about Keith’s expulsion from the Garrison, the explosive lengths he went to in order to get Shiro out to his shack.

When it came to family – when it came to Shiro – all logic and reason was out the window.

And now Keith might very well meet his end because of it.

Making his way through the burning building required him to shut out all of his natural instincts pointing him to safety, screaming at him to get out of there before he wound up seriously hurt, or worse. He had to turn on the shade of his visor to keep the brightness of the flames from blinding him, and even then it was hard to be certain where he was going. Halls were blocked by burning debris, pieces of the building falling around him and some coming dangerously close to taking him out with them. Shiro jetpacked through a singed hole in the ceiling when the hall behind him folded in on itself, blocking his route to the main entrance, and every step on the second floor was accompanied by creaks and crackles that had him bracing himself to fall right through at any second.

Still, he kept going. Pushing through the heat and the sparks and the roar of the flames, yelling Keith’s name over the noise and through the billowing smoke. None of that was important. All that mattered was finding Keith.

He had to find Keith. Had to find him. Had to find him. Had to –

A crack sounded above him, and around the corner and along the hall, flaming shards of ceiling toppled down, and that’s when he spotted it: the distinct blue light that accompanied a shield activating from a paladin’s armor.

Keith. Ducked under his shield, fire and rubble tumbling around him, the red and white of his suit gray with ash. Alive, and moving, and okay.

He was okay.

Shiro dived into the wreck, knocking falling debris aside with his sword hand and, voice breaking in sheer release, shouting out, “Keith!”

Keith’s head shot up at the sound of his name, and although for a brief moment he stumbled from the battering against his shield, there was no mistaking the way his exhausted eyes widened the moment he spotted Shiro across the hall, as if he were seeing a ghost, only for his face to light up in stunned relief.

He may have shouted something in reply that was drowned out by the fire raging around them, or he may have sprung up from his crouch without a word. Either way, Shiro got no warning before Keith was practically flying across the hall to tackle him in a hug.

Shiro stumbled back, startled. It wasn’t as though hugging was completely out of Keith’s character – once he knew and trusted the person giving them, he practically reveled in them – but he was never the one to initiate the embrace. A means of preemptively shielding himself from being turned away, perhaps; a fear that the gesture may be misinterpreted, may be mistaken as something romantic or even sexual; maybe simply a matter of making sure he never set off any discomfort related to touch that Keith was often prone to himself. Shiro had never known for certain which was the case, but it all made Keith a distinctly non-touchy person. Even when they had first been reunited after Shiro’s disastrous return from Kerberos, Keith hadn’t hugged him with this much fervor.

It all spoke to just how terrified Keith had been, how desperately he’d been searching for Shiro. The embrace was a grounding one. He was pressing himself so firmly against Shiro, gripping his brother so tightly. As though reassuring himself that Shiro was really there. Like if he dared to let go, Shiro would vanish back into the smoke and flame.

“Hey,” Shiro said, trying to keep his voice soothing despite needing to practically shout to ensure he could be heard, arm wrapping around Keith’s trembling back. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m here.”

“I thought – ” Keith choked out through his helmet’s speaker. “Allura said – she said you – you’d gone into – into – ”

“I know. I know.”

“You went into the fire. Shiro, you went into the fire, I thought you – I was going to lose you, I had to find you, I couldn’t – I couldn’t just let – ”

“It’s all right, Keith, I promise. I’m okay.”

“You could’ve died! You almost died, you almost burned up and never said goodbye, I thought you were dead, I – ”

“Hey. Keith. Look at me.” Keith kept his face buried in Shiro’s chest, so he pulled back to hold him by the shoulders. “Look at me, okay? I’m right here, see? I’m not dying on you yet. Swear it.”

“Y-yeah. I see you.” His voice shook, and this close up, Shiro could see the redness of his face, the way his eyes seemed to be struggling to stay focused. As hot-blooded as Keith ran, even he was susceptible to fire like this. “Sorry. Sorry, I’m – I was just…”

“Scared?” Shiro finished for him, and Keith nodded weakly. “That’s okay. I get it. And hey, you found me. You found me, I’m here, and we’re okay. And now – ” A crackling sounded from above, and Shiro yanked Keith aside without a second thought, throwing up a shield as a beam collapsed right where the latter had been standing, showering the two of them in sparks. “Now we gotta get outta here, okay? We gotta run.”

“Yeah.” Keith took a trembling breath and straightened as Shiro let his shield fizzle away. “Got it, let’s go. Just – ” Shiro looked down to see Keith’s gloved hand wrapping around the gauntlet of Shiro’s armor. “No splitting up. Please.”

Shiro smiled. “Deal. We won’t let each other out of our sights. Come on.”

He activated his sword hand, and beside him, Keith did the same with his shield. Ready to race back through the flames, side by side.

#whumpmasinjuly #vldgen #shiro #keith #vld fic #my writing #fic: through the fire and flames

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helbertinelli · 3 years

Note

How do you feel on au ideas of Jedi Padme and Senator Anakin from Tattoine

Ignoring the fact that Tatooine does not have a Senator, before people are gonna get up on this post like “But Tatooine doesn’t have a Senator...“ In this AU it does...

I like that idea. But... Anakin still has to act like Anakin and Padme still has to act like Padme. Like their personalities and most of their backstories shouldn’t change as well. Otherwise it’s just genderbent Anakin and Padme and it’s completely different. Also Anakin can’t be Force Sensitive at all or the Chosen One. Padme must be the Chosen One.

Here is my idea for an ideal AU and this is based on the events of Star Wars because their story was perfect, but with Anakin and Padme’s roles swapped.

Anakin was a former slave on Tatooine. He got released by Watto after winning that pod race and he gets to be Senator when he’s older. He’s mentored by Palpatine. He’s emotional and angry at the Republic that they’re not doing more and he’s trying to push for a lot of change. Then you have Padme, who met Anakin on Tatooine when she was a Padawan and he was a slave. She’s about justice and democracy and freedom for people and she’s very diplomatic, but she isn’t beyond throwing hands with someone as well. She was the Padawan of Qui-Gon Jinn, who died on Tatooine in the duel with Maul. Then Qui-Gon’s former Padawan, Obi-Wan, who was a Jedi Knight already when he joined Qui-Gon on his mission to Tatooine, defeats Maul and agrees to finish Padme’s training. And yes, Anakin still falls completely in love with Padme when they meet on Tatooine.

Anakin is trying to change so many things so fast and he’s also against spending money on wars when there’s so many people in need, so he’s a threat for Palpatine’s plan and the separatists. Palpatine tries to get him assassinated but his attempt fails because Anakin comes to Coruscant on a different ship. He doesn’t really have handmaidens or whatever the term would be, like Padme did. Maybe he sent a cloaked droid as a decoy on the main ship that gets blown up. I don’t know.. anyway... Palpatine says he should get protection from the Jedi. Anakin is against it at first, but then Palpatine assigns Obi-Wan and his Padawan, Padme look after him. Anakin is happy to see Padme again and he’s cool with the plan. He also meets Jar Jar on Coruscant and he talks to him about his worries about Padme not remembering him and he tells Jar Jar he’s been thinking about her everyday.

Then Padme and Obi-Wan get there. Padme is like “My goodness Ani, you’ve grown.“ And he’s like “So have you... grown more beautiful... for a Jedi.“ Padme is extremely flattered by him calling her beautiful and she starts having some feelings for him, but she tries to ignore them. Then the other stuff from AOTC happens and the council decides, Anakin should be guarded off Coruscant and Obi-Wan is sent to investigate the assassination attempt.

>>> I’m putting the rest of this + Padme’s tweaked backstory + notes about the AU under a Read More, because it got super long. So if you want to read about Senator!Anakin and Jedi!Padme in AOTC/ROTS/OT keep reading...

Padme was originally from Naboo and she was found by Qui-Gon right before she had to start her training as a Queen. The Naboo didn’t like that she had to leave to join the Jedi, but they also didnt want to get in a conflict with them. So they found another Queen. So because Padme didn’t start her Jedi training right away, she knew her family and she even kept in contact secretly with her family.

She takes Anakin to Naboo and asks her parents to stay at the Lake House to protect Anakin. All the scenes at the Lake House still happen just the same, except it’s Padme playing with the Force with food. Then Anakin reveals that he’s in love with her, but she turns him down because she’s a Jedi and he’s a Senator.

Then Anakin has a dream that night about his mom needing help and Padme has the same dream. Anakin tells Padme about the dream and she tells him about hers and they decide it’s too much of a coincidence and they go to Tatooine. They find out what happened to Shmi and they both go to find her. She still dies in Anakin’s arms. Anakin gets really angry and he gets his blaster out and starts shooting at the Tuskens who attack both of them. Padme kills some of them with her lightsaber to defend both her and Anakin and to try to leave. Anakin keeps killing Tuskens well after they aren’t attacked anymore and Padme is kinda shocked by that at first.

When they get back to the Lars farm, Anakin has his breakdown and Padme consoles him. They get Obi-Wan’s message and transmit it to the Jedi temple. Padme feels guilty about bringing Anakin to Tatooine and about what they had to do. She tells Anakin she wants to go save Obi-Wan but she doesn’t know what to do. He tells her they should go. They get to Geonosis, they get captured, Padme tells Anakin that she loves him, and they kiss.

Then the fight happens with all the Jedi and the clones. Padme, Anakin, and Obi-Wan go after Dooku. Dooku attacks Anakin, leaving him unconscious and Padme gets angry and starts fighting him without Obi-Wan, she then gets knocked away by Dooku. Obi-Wan has to fight Dooku by himself and he gets knocked out. Padme then attacks Dooku again and they fight. He cuts Padme’s arm. Yoda comes in and fights Dooku. Anakin regains consciousness and her runs to Padme and hugs her.

Padme and Anakin return to Naboo and they get married in secret.

>>> Now for ROTS and the OT... there will be a lot of changes!

Padme comes back from saving Palpatine and she gets reunited with Anakin. She tells him she is pregnant. She isn’t showing yet, but she’s worried about what will happen once she starts showing. Anakin reassures her and he tells her this is the happiest moment in his life. Then there’s the balcony scene where they’re super cute and romantic to each other and talk about how much they love each other. They say that they should go back to Naboo and raise the baby.

Anakin starts having dreams about Padme dying. Padme starts having the same dreams too, but also other dreams of Mustafar. Anakin becomes concerned of losing Padme.

Anakin talks to Palpatine about bringing people back after they die, and Palpatine tells him it is possible. He tries to get more information from Sheev about this and he ends up telling Palpatine about Padme. Sheev tells him that the Jedi won’t allow Padme to leave the Order and keep the baby and more stuff about how the Jedi are evil and Anakin shouldn’t trust them. He convinces Anakin, who is well-liked and respected in the Senate, to introduce and pass more legislation giving Palpatine more power so he can control the Jedi better.

Anakin figures out later on that Palpatine is also a Sith. He tries to go to the temple to talk with Padme but runs into Windu instead and he basically convinces Anakin to tell him what he wants to tell Padme. Anakin tells him about Palpatine and Windu goes to arrest Palpatine. Palpatine wins this time, though. He then uses the fact that Windu and other Jedi tried to attack him and he has Anakin backing him up (because he promised he’d save Padme if Anakin helped him), to declare the Jedi outlaws and he has the clones execute Order 66. He doesn’t make this public though and makes it seem like the clones are unstable and they should stop production. A lot of Jedi die, but some manage to escape.

Meanwhile Padme goes to Mustafar because it kept appearing in her dreams and she wants to know what’s important about it. She is attacked by the Separatist who are waiting for Palpatine there, but she defeats all of them. She is badly injured and Obi-Wan tracks her down and takes her to the medical station. He tells her that Anakin turned against the Jedi. Padme refuses to believe him and tells Obi-Wan about her marriage and about her being pregnant. Obi-Wan along with Bail, take Padme to Alderaan to recover from her injuries safely and to stay there until the twins are born. They keep telling her they’ll try to bring Anakin to her. She believes them at first, but then she gets kinda tired of waiting.

Anakin asks Palpatine to find Padme and he tells Anakin that Padme died during Order 66. Anakin is completely devastated by this. Palpatine asks him to help him rule the Empire and he uses the fact that Anakin is so popular to basically get whatever he wants from the Senate with little resistance. He gives Mustafar to Anakin as a gift for all of his help.

Padme runs away from Alderaan and tracks Anakin down to Mustafar. She’s really late in her pregnancy by this time, kinda like she was during the ending of ROTS. She’s reunited with Anakin. She tells him what Palpatine did and Anakin tells her that Palpatine said she died. Anakin leaves the Empire behind and him and Padme join the Rebellion.

The Rebels are not very happy about Anakin and they don’t trust him at first, but Padme sticks by him and Anakin proves that he’s on their side, too. Padme and Anakin have their own little Rebel cell. They have a ship, the Twilight, that they use for transportation and as a home-base basically. Padme gives birth to twins and they name the twins Luke and Leia. They raise the twins on the Twilight while they fight the Empire.

The Rebels win in the end and they make Bail chancellor of the New Republic. Padme and Anakin eventually move to the Lake House on Naboo after the war is won. The twins are about 3-4 by then.

When the twins are older, Leia trains with Bail to be a senator. Luke is more interested in the Jedi and he wants to restore the Jedi Order. He finds Obi-Wan and asks him to help. In the end, Padme and Anakin leave behind their careers and just focus on being parents and enjoying married life. They have other children too, all of them are Force sensitive as well. Luke ends up restoring the Jedi Order, but better since he takes out the rule prohibiting attachments and he makes it more of a thing to join rather than something you’re forced into. Leia ends up succeeding Bail as Chancellor of the Republic.

>>> Some notes:

- Padme and Obi-Wan don’t bicker as much as him and Anakin did. Padme is more inclined to listen to Obi-Wan. That being said, she does make her own decisions and she does goes completely against his wishes when she thinks it’s necessary. She just doesn’t try to reason with him about why her way is better.

- Palpatine tried to get Padme on her side, but she was hard to control. Anakin is much easier to manipulate since he views Palpatine as a father while he’s training with him.

- Padme’s story of joining the Jedi Order is similar to Anakin’s from the movies: Qui-Gon finds the Chosen One and asks the Jedi to train her. They’re not cool with the idea at first, but decide to let her join in the end.

#anidala #anakin skywalker #padme amidala #anidala au #thanks for the question #i had fun writing this #Anonymous #ask

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elexuscal · 4 years

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Media after COVID-19

I’ve mentioned before that Covid-19 is going to almost certainly have a huge impact on our lives. These impacts will be varied, far reaching, and affect varied elements of our lives.

I”m gonna focus on media cuz it’s fun and relatively easier to predict.

To start, we’re gonna see a reeaaal slow down in most main stream films and TV shows. Can’t film if studios are closed, after all- and who wants to risk putting movies out if you don’t know when people will be going to theaters again?

That said, don’t expect this to be immediate. There’s gonna be plenty of stuff in post-production which might have some delay, but still be coming out.

Expect things like books, podcasts, indie games, etc- all stuff that can mostly be done at home, in smaller teams- to keep chugging along. I personally fully intend to fill my Media Void with them

Also, I’m expecting at least one YA novel about a world where Touching Is forbidden because of a Terrible Plague. Protag Girl accidentally touches Love Interest Boy- the scandal!- but sparks fly. Protag Girl will turn out to be immune.

But, okay. What about once the Mainstream Media gets back into full swing?

There’s that one post going around about A Straight White Middle Class Couple that falls in love again. This prediction is completely accurate.

There’s that one post going around about the ‘America- Fuck Yeah!’ piece on how the US singlehandedly stopped the pandemic. This prediction is also completely accurate.

I like to hope, however, there will also be another, much better, more accurate dramatization of the Covid-19 response that will take a global perspective and show Proper Science in it.

I’m fully expecting a “Based On a True Story” heart-string puller about some kid and/or grandparent who gets coronavirus and how Nearly Dying Taught Them To Live. 50/50 on whether they survive or not, irregardless of whether the person its based on did or not.

A Zany Comedy about a hapless dad who gets stuck as his kids’ sole caregiver during quarantine. Hijinks ensue.

Please give me at least one murder mystery where the closed door set up is they’re all stuck inside cuz quarantine.

Zombie stories are gonna be coming back in a biiiig way. I know folks. We’re still barely over the last wave of them. Whether or not it’ll last depends on whether the reaction is ‘sweet catharsis’ or ‘actually this is a little on the nose’.

Sit coms/dramas set in the real world are gonna have to tackle the question of how to address This Whole Thing when they first come back. There will be a few approaches:

A number will just ignore them flat out. Easier that way, don’t have to mess with current plots/timelines.

A handful will wave it away with comments like, “When did you grow a beard?” “y’know, in quarantine.”

Plenty will have A Single Episode about the epidemic. The comedic ones with be Self-Isolation Hijinks, while the serious ones will involve a cast member actually getting sick. Quality will vary hugely.

Soooooo many physical distancing bottle episodes. I’m looking forward to this, cuz I’m a sucker for a good bottle episode.

I’m predicting one or two series/seasons specifically set during Covid-19, for its full duration. I’m expecting quality to either be fantastic or awful, no in between.

Adult animated comedies like South Park are gonna have a field day, one seconded only by...

Medical procedurals. You can just imagine.

At least one of those medical procedurals will win an Emmy.

Annnd... I think that’s what I’ve got. Anyone got anything to add on?

#covid-19 #media

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starryeyedrogue · 3 years

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mental health & vent

again, a long one. please stick with me here.

tw: depression, anxiety, ptsd, epilepsy diagnosis, suicidal thoughts mention

hey everyone, like I said in my last post, I won’t be as active on here. this doesn’t mean I’m quitting by any means, I’m here for the long haul! I just need a break for a little bit.

side note: I am not in any way suicidal or practicing self harm. this is just to vent and act as a PSA for my mutuals/followers.

now onto my main message.

I’ve seen lots of posts about mental health lately, and I’m so incredibly proud of those who have spoken up. They’ve inspired me to make my own post, actually. normally I’d keep it to myself, but this time has been rough and I want to get it off my chest. I’ll probably delete this later, but still.

I’ve been depressed.

long story short, I had a very traumatic experience a couple years ago with an ex boyfriend (not going into it on this post, for details just dm me. not something I’d want to post publicly, this is just an explanation) and I was deeply depressed. I was never diagnosed “officially” because I was afraid to speak up, as this would expose what I was going through. I had really bad anxiety at that time too, and I still do. I also have PTSD flashbacks from it now and again. none of this was diagnosed, and I still don’t want to bring it up to my doctors/family. my irl friends don’t even know, at least not most of it.

I have monoclonic epilepsy, which means my seizures are fairly small. my arms, legs, feet, hands, and fingers twitch, and I lose control for a few seconds. it doesn’t hurt, and sometimes I don’t even notice or remember it happening, but my family does. epilepsy in general runs in my family, and it can be triggered by a great deal of stress, lack of sleep, and of course flashing lights. in my case, I never “had” epilepsy or seizures until the “experience” I mentioned before, as it caused massive amounts of stress for about 2 years straight. it’s gotten better, as I now have medicine and am out of that situation, and I haven’t had a seizure since September, which is amazing and a huge blessing.

writing has helped with my depression and anxiety a lot, as I can write out what effects me the most. honestly, some of the characters are based off of myself (before vs after) and the person from the “experience.” this is just for therapeutic reasons, as I don’t really want to go to real therapy (I’d be too embarrassed to ask for it or talk to someone anyway, though I probably need to go eventually and plan to when I’m on my own).

however, when I stopped posting it, I started feeling bad again. I didn’t think I needed to post my stories to feel better or to make a childhood dream into reality, but not posting it made me feel somehow worse. I’ve stopped writing as much, and I’ve lost motivation to do just about anything. I’m working on a couple things to help myself get out of this “funk,” but any tips would be greatly appreciated!

this may seems stupid, but I’ve been depressed and very anxious about my schooling. I started in cyber security and got about halfway through, but I became depressed and had other issues so I didn’t finish the degree. now I’m starting in psychology, after praying for months and months for help with figuring out what to do for school. I finally got an answer, and that answer was to be a Christian counselor! I want to help as many people as I can, especially since I know how it feels to be anxious, depressed, and have PTSD.

I’m dealing with a lot of changes right now, as I’m selling my first car, might have to move out of my first house/childhood home, and just a bunch of other stuff. this sounds trivial, but I hate change. it seriously stresses me out. my neurologist told me that if I have any more seizures, I won’t be able to drive for 6 months to a year to be safe (as I could have an “episode” as I call it while driving and hurt myself/others in a potential car accident). trust me, trying not to be stressed while being stressed, anxious, and depressed is not easy.

on top of all that, my irl friends have all but abandoned me. I never hear from them (all but one, she’s the best!), and when I do they ignore me or pretend to listen when they obviously aren’t. I try to make plans with them, but they ignore me or just say “definitely!” but never try to set up times to hang out. It’s been almost two years since I’ve seen them all together. I was able to hang out with the friend I mentioned earlier to go to another friend’s recital, but that was it, and that was months ago. I totally get being busy, but I miss them and I don’t think they miss me, which really hurts. one friend ditched us on graduation day and we haven’t talked to her outside of “happy birthday,” or “@___ look at this thing I know you like,” which she never responded to. graduation was 4 years ago. I miss them all, even if they aren’t really my friends. I miss familiarity and their chaotic personalities. I’ve known them my entire life. honestly, I haven’t made any other friends irl, even though I’ve tried (I’m very introverted and a lot of people don’t get my humor/personality. I’m very much a mischievous old lady that uses weird wording (li.e. using uncommon words for my generation mixed with modern stuff, basically I sound like a vampire that’s been around since the 50s and mixes the eras together in some unholy mixture) at heart and I have very niche interests that I cling to like they’re my last hope). basically, making friends and meeting new people is hard for me for various reasons.

tumblr is different though, which I’m seriously grateful for! the people I’ve talked to are all so nice and really fun to talk to, and they’re part of why I’m posting this. @elvish-sky gave me the courage to post this and @hey-its-nonny and @padawansofthejediorder have been amazing and super nice to me, and I couldn’t be more grateful. the reason I’m posting this is to let them know what’s going on if I don’t respond to messages for a while, and to let them know what wonderful people they are and how much it means to me that they care about me, even if we’re just tumblr mutuals. I love you guys, thanks for being here! it means more than you know.

my mom and dad both had health scares recently, which made me spiral even more. I honestly don’t know what I would do if one of them died. they’re literally my world and my best friends, as ridiculous as that sounds. my mental health was so low I honestly thought I’d die too. they’re both fine now, which is truly a blessing and a massive relief. when I say I thought I’d die too, I don’t mean I wanted to commit suicide, but I honestly can’t imagine a world without my parents, especially my mom (hers was the main health scare, it was a case of reaction to a new medication for her migraines). we’re insanely close and she’s my best friend, as cheesy as that sounds. I don’t know what I would do without her. it’s making me teary just thinking about it.

long story short, please be patient with me. I’m dealing with a lot right now, and I need some time to take a deep breath and focus on my mental health. if you have any suggestions/tips for dealing with depression, anxiety, and PTSD flashbacks, please let me know!

for those I’ve tagged, you don’t have to reply or even read this whole thing if you want, I tagged you because I thought you’d like to know about this and/or I wanted to show my appreciation for your kindness!

I love you all, thanks for sticking around and listening to my rants. <3

#roguespeaks #sorry that was super long #vent #mental health #roguesrambles

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comfy-whumpee · 4 years

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Whumping Safely 101

Many people in this community have mental health problems, face various types of discrimination, and have complicated relationships with some parts or types of whump. In particular, I aim this at people who care about the experience of survivors and others with triggers – partially because I am an abuse survivor who often flirts with triggering content as part of my love of whump.

Keeping your blog safe is difficult, takes effort, and is never a perfect process. But as the community grows and grows, it’s really important that we hold ourselves to a high standard. I would argue that this is a responsibility of all content creators, but especially those of us in the messy playground of whump.

I’ve got three sections in here: content warnings, writing with care, and community interaction. I’ve tried to make it navigable. It’s about 1.8k words. Shorter than a lot of drabbles! I welcome good-faith criticism on this topic and further questions on my own views.

Content Warnings

The biggest responsibility, in my opinion, is empowering your reader to make their own decision on whether they want to expose themselves to your writing. This also happens to be by far the easiest way to help people whump safely.

What to warn

This is a big and ever-changing topic. Some things you should warn for as a rule of thumb are anything NSFW, pet whump and box boy whump, drugs and alcohol, medical and hospital content, graphic gore, intimate partner violence, and animal harm. It can be tricky to draw the line of what counts – what needs a warning? If you’re in doubt, just warn it anyway. It doesn’t hurt.

If someone requests a trigger be warned for, even if it’s something that feels obscure or tame, show compassion and agree to the request. This is someone who cares enough about being able to read your writing that they wrote in! They want to be able to read it and enjoy it. You’re being complimented.

Otherwise, look at what other blogs tag for. You’ll see some variation in styles and levels of detail, but it’s a good way to gauge what people think is warn-worthy, when we’re often writing stuff that would already be R-rated in mainstream media.

The easiest way to make sure people don’t see your triggering content is to use a cut. Tumblr is not a very functional website and likes to delete cuts, but a cursory check of your posted content will usually tell you whether it’s worked. With asks, cuts are very spotty, so don’t be afraid to post an ask response separately with a screengrab of the original question. People often then respond to the ask itself with a link to the post, especially if it’s a whole drabble. Tumblr is weird and bad so just do your best.

Content notices

I.e., a quick summary before the drabble, usually in bold, to state what will be coming. I like to distinguish between using content notes (CN) and trigger warnings (TW) to indicate severity. Others might use the old phrase ‘dead dove do not eat’ to indicate this is a heavy piece, and often you will see qualifiers like ‘intense’, ‘mild’, ‘mention’, ‘referenced’ (i.e. it is discussed but not actively happening), and ‘implied’ (as the opposite of ‘explicit’). I’ve also seen a couple of people use ‘vibes’, which is a really nice way of demonstrating that it’s there, but not the focus. A quick paragraph like this, or just a line, lets people make a quick risk assessment on their reading.

This is also important if you’re sending in asks or requests to people. If you want to ask about something triggering, send an inquiry first about whether the blog is okay to hear it.

Tagging

Tagging is a chore, but it’s your primary way of warning people about your content. The main benefit of tagging is that you can be as detailed as you want, because can be tagging for content in general, not just triggers.

In a best case scenario, you’d tag the kind of whump you’re doing, tag triggers, tag characters, and even your ‘verses, because tagging is your index for your blog. If you tag reliably, you help your future self and your readers find stuff, and you also make your blog really dang safe. People who have unusual triggers can blacklist tags, and will pick up on your content tags to help them.

Don’t just tag your own writing. Tag your reblogs, tag your prompts, tag your asks. Yes, edit your asks to add the tags. Tag your images and gifs. Tag your images as images and your gifs as gifs.

If you aren’t up for detailed tagging for whatever reason, just tag for triggering content, and add stuff to that list if you’re asked to. My usual technique is to make a mental note of tags while I’m formatting and editing before posting.

Be aware that your first five tags will be used in search results. If you’re using tags that are associated with kink too, such as ‘shibari’, you might want to rethink your tag order if you don’t want interaction from those blogs. Also think about what tags might come up in non-whump contexts, such as ‘collar’ or ‘PTSD’. Some tactics for getting around this I’ve seen are adding ‘whump’ after the content or writing the tags in past tense (i.e., ‘collared’).

It is also a good idea to watch out for when you might be reblogging something whumpy that is intended as kink / porn / fetish, especially in images. Tagging these as spicy / nsfw / kink is a sensible move.

Writing with Care

Okay, now for the harder stuff.

I mean here to lay out some guidelines for how to write in a way that helps your reader build good faith. This is a much more nuanced topic, and it’s different for everyone. There will always be differing opinions on what should and shouldn’t be written about, what a good depiction of a sensitive topic is, and how to discuss that topic. I tried to strip this back into absolute basics that I hope we can all agree on.

Maybe your whump involves abuse. Maybe it’s gaslighting. Maybe it’s severe mental health problems, or addiction, or slavery, or you write about or analogise real-world issues. Whump deals with the dark stuff, and that’s a big part of its appeal. But don’t ever forget you’re writing the dark stuff.

(Try to) Know what you’re doing

Some of us play fast and loose with plots, medical accuracy, worldbuilding, and other things that get in the way of the pain we crave. This is all well and good, but when we start using whump that speaks true to people’s lived experiences, we shouldn’t be careless with it. I’m particularly talking about things that get represented poorly in mainstream media, such as abusive relationships, issues around marginalisation, mental illness and disability.

Be critical of media that you’ve consumed. Think about how its depicted things that you want to depict in turn. Look for opinions on fictional representations of those issues. Be aware that you might be more ignorant of things than you realise.

Look at how others are writing these issues, particularly if they’re writing from a perspective different to yours. If you haven’t personally experienced what you’re writing about, e.g., if you don’t have PTSD and you want to depict a character who does, seek out stuff written from or with experience. Listen to the experts.

If you’re looking for stuff about representation specifically, I recommend this collection of posts about ‘Braving Diversity’ cultivated by Writing With Colour, who are in themselves a fantastic resource for this topic, and have recommendations for other blogs that deal with intersecting issues.

Listen to others

Missteps are inevitable. Nobody is perfect. If constructive criticism is offered, that’s also a compliment to your writing. Someone read your work and thought about it, and thought you’d care about improving it. They’re offering themselves as a resource for helping you see your work in a new light.

Criticism is hard and sometimes hurtful, but even if we don’t think it’s accurate, there’s often a grain of truth in it. If someone tells you that your writing is harmful, think about why they’ve said that, not whether or not they’re correct. This is an opinion! Opinions are subjective! But what drove someone to send that in?

You don’t have to respond to all your criticism and definitely don’t respond straight away. Being respectful to those who are trying to help you means taking the time to consider it properly. Sometimes, they don’t need a response. Others, you might want to learn more about what they think before deciding. You might have already discussed the topic, in which case, you might just want to reblog your previous posts.

If it’s sent in bad faith or is outright hateful, you’re well within your rights to just delete it and move on. You might get the same criticism over and over again, and that’s exhausting, and you don’t have to retrace your steps for everyone.

But if it’s new, even if it puts your hackles up, you can always stop and wonder why someone felt that strongly about your work.

Take a step back

One of my better-known characters is a pet whumper who conditioned his victim to adore and depend on him. It’s not always easy to represent how deeply messed up that is within the text – though I think that’s part of the challenge – but in meta-commentary, I am always describing him as a creeptastic bastard lacking compassion and self-reflection. I hope to always give the reader the confidence that I know just how wrong it is.

This is a really simple thing you can do just to give readers good faith in you. Show that you know what you’re writing is dark and messed up. Show your understanding for the issues you’re handling and that they’re complicated. It might seem self-evident, but when you’re writing the really dark stuff, or unhealthy relationships, or institutionalised whump, you can inadvertently create the impression that you just think it’s fun. The fact that it’s fiction does not automatically absolve you. Show that you care about doing it right.

Community Interaction

I’m going to keep this one short and sweet because I will almost entirely be preaching to the choir here.

Be polite to others. Imagine saying what you’re saying to their face.

Don’t send anon hate. Just don’t. If you can send criticism off anon, do so.

Nobody is obligated to interact with you.

Nobody is obligated to monitor their own reader base.

If someone says do not interact, do not interact.

If someone says do not interact, why they’ve said that is none of your business.

You don’t need to spread the word about someone’s bad politics.

Ask yourself if your input is needed, or if what you’ve said has already been said.

You don’t have to take a side.

Take care of yourself. Take breaks. Remind yourself that whump is a small part of the world.

That’s all from me, folks. Stay safe.

#discourse...adjacent?#whump community #whump etiquette

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mintymiknow · 3 years

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Trust Fall - ch. 12 | Lee Minho

summary | character profiles | masterlist

Pairing: Lee Minho/Lee Know x Reader

Summary: When your trust in someone begins to falter, the other happens with Minho. And before you know it, you finally open up to the male and tell him the story of the nightmare you’ve kept to yourself for so long.

Genre: Secret agent/spy au, romance, angst, action

Word count: Approx. 6.9k

Warnings for this chapter: Mention of human experiments (but nothing in detail; it’s just mentioned in passing), mild blood from brief fights, shooting (in the context of fight scenes)

A/N: This might be a pretty packed chapter since a lot is going on, but it’s also the chapter where our dear MC finally tells Minho about her past! Also, more swoon moments as we get closer to a proper kiss ohoho~Enjoy! If you have any questions or comments, hit me up!

The silence of the lab room is bearable and peaceful; the faint sound of metal tinkering with glass as you conduct tests is the only thing making noise at the moment.

That, and the light breathing that comes from the male seated beside you.

Minho leans one elbow on the table, resting his head on his palm as he focuses on the demonstration you’re showing him for the current “solution” you have for Cle’s serum. After you drop your concoction into the test tube containing the serum, you both watch as the bronze liquid slowly turns into a diluted yellow color.

Your eyes never leave the test tube on the rack as you speak, “So this is how far I’ve managed to get so far. I’d ask for Jisung and Seungmin’s help when...when I’m sure that this is right.”

Minho hums in awe as he similarly keeps his eyes on the liquid, “I see. How long do you think it will take for the solution to be 100% done?”

You shrug, offering a small smile, “I’d say a week minimum, but this is science we’re talking about.” you turn to face the male, “Science is unpredictable. It may take longer if Cle somehow comes up with better prototypes.”

Minho lifts his eyes to meet your gaze, nodding in understanding as he takes in your words. “Understandable.” he starts, smiling slightly afterwards, “Jisung did tell you that the tests they conducted on the latest prototypes we acquired show signs of near completion, right?”

You nod, “Yeah, he did. So...more or less, this solution I’m working on should somehow work.”

The male’s lips curl into a slightly bigger smile, eyes melting with warmth as he looks at you. Lifting his head from his hands, he says, “Jung wasn’t lying when he said you were one of the best in this field.”

You blush, shaking your head and sheepishly chuckle, “That’s...an overstatement. I’m just hard-working...I guess.”

Minho airily laughs, lips now a full-on grin. When you stare at him for a good few seconds, a gentle giggle escapes your lips as you break into a much wider smile. “What?” you ask, eyes stuck on his dreamy ones.

He shakes his head, humming subtly in response. Instead of replying with words, Minho grabs your stool from underneath, pulling it across the floor to drag it closer to his. With you now closer in general, he leans forward, eyes slowly fluttering shut as his breath begins to mingle with yours. You can’t even gasp in surprise, and though your body is tense and frozen, you close your eyes as well, anticipating his lips on yours.

There’s a tentative brush of lips - just a ghost of a touch without any pressure whatsoever. When Minho is sure you aren’t going to pull back or push him away, he steels himself to dive in, slowly parting his lips to encompass them around yours.

But the lab room door slides open, and Chan greets the two of you with a very cheerful “hello!”. Both you and Minho are lightning-quick to pull back, a clumsy flailing of legs and arms cluelessly floundering about.

If Chan witnessed anything, he doesn’t say a word and proceeds to act like he saw nothing. “Got some stuff for you both.” he grins, but there’s a devilish glint in his eyes as he looks towards Minho.

The younger agent clears his throat, fists tightly clenched on the lab table. “What’s up?” he says through flushed cheeks.

Your eyes are stuck on the marbled floor as if counting the tiles was much more entertaining than listening to the older agent. Chan lightly chuckles, putting an arm around Minho’s shoulder.

“Another extraction mission.” he says, putting a folder of papers on the table, “We found another warehouse where Cle may be keeping more prototype serums. Activity was spotted there last night. It should be easy to get into as long as you forge a medical or scientific license.”

Minho goes through the file quickly before placing it back down on the table. He stands up from his stool and grabs his jacket from the far end of the table. “Who’s the team and when do we leave?” he asks.

Chan nods, “Unfortunately, Changbin and I need to lead another team to scout Cle’s possible main base. Hyunjin and Jeongin are in Gangnam to tail a target. You’ll have to lead the team for now, Minho.”

“That’s fine.” he smiles calmly, “Y/n can work in the lab with Jisung and Seungmin.”

“No, I’ll come with you.”

Both Chan and Minho look at you with quizzical expressions, tilting their heads as if asking for an explanation.

You rest your hands on the file Chan had brought in, nodding your head towards it, “This warehouse is Gongjak’s property. The hospital used to use it for highly contagious disease patients, but since the hospital expanded and has a separate building for that, this warehouse is now used for chemical research. Supposedly. It hasn’t been...used for a while since the hospital director put a halt on research to focus on the hospital operations itself.”

“If research was halted, is it empty? Uninhabited?” Chan asks.

You shake your head, “There’s no activity going on, but there are staff stationed to keep watch...security and all. But no activity has happened the past year or so.”

Minho takes a deep breath and nods at you, “Then you can come. Might make it easier to get in with your employee credentials in Gongjak.”

You nod, starting to pack your things up. Chan gives the two of you a warm smile before saying, “Alright, that settles it. Good luck you two. Stay safe and take care, alright?”

“Yup.” Minho fist-bumps the elder male, offering a smile, “You too.”

When the older male leaves the room with a wave, Minho turns to you and offers his hand. “Come on.” he smiles.

You nod, grabbing your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. With a small smile, you take his hand and try not to squeal when he laces his fingers with yours.

As expected, entering the warehouse or lab was easy with your credentials. The guard didn’t even hesitate, greeting you with a salute. “Dr. Song!” he says, “It’s been so long. How’s work at the hospital?”

You offer a small smile and chuckle, “Busy, busy. You know how those emergency surgeries are.”

“Indeed. What brings you here? And are these people with you?”

You turn to Minho and the other agents disguised with lab coats before turning your attention back to the guard, “Yes, they’re with me. Confidential business, but we’re just here to audit the place for safety and maintenance purposes.”

“Good idea. This place hasn’t been used in so long.” the guard chuckles, typing in something before the main doors open, “Move along, Dr. Song.”

“Thank you.” you smile, ushering for Minho and the agents to follow.

Once inside, the team doesn’t waste any time in splitting up, each agent heading over to various rooms to search and seize whatever they needed or deemed necessary. The facility only had one ground floor with several rooms along a long hallway. However, you knew that there were about two basement rooms underground. One agent goes to one underground room while you and Minho head to the other one. There, you proceed to search the shelves and drawers.

While looking through one of the racks, your eyes soften as you stare at the medical bottles and containers, a wave of nostalgia filling you. Minho notices and walks over, leaning against the rack with his arms crossed. “Feeling emotional?” he teases.

You chuckle lightly, fingers gently brushing against the bottles, “Just...thinking. It’s been months since I last saw anything related to Gongjak.”

“Did you ever work here when you were working in the hospital?”

You nod, “A few times, mostly for pathological or research purposes though. No testing or anything.”

“I see.” Minho pushes himself off the rack to continue searching the room.

A few minutes of silence pass by when the lights suddenly go off and a siren makes a blaring noise, startling you and causing Minho to narrow his eyes analytically. “Is this normal?” he asks you.

You clear your throat, “Only when a security breach or concern is alerted.”

The gears in Minho’s head turn as he grabs a small flashlight from his belt and switches it on. Grabbing your hand, he begins to run up the stairs to the main floor of the facility. Once you both arrive at the main floor, the siren sound stops but is then followed by gunshots. Minho is quick to wrap an arm around you, quickly making a move towards a wall to take cover. You can hear the other agents yelling out orders and pulling their guns out, stances ready.

When the gunshots die down, the lights flicker back on, but the rest of the facility staff had been shot, including the guard who greeted you a while ago. You bring a hand to your mouth to cover your gasp; Minho holds you tighter, moving in front to block your view.

“Cle agents are here to greet us.” Minho speaks into his device, “We have no orders to capture anyone, so kill if sighted. Proceed with caution.”

The agents each respond and confirm Minho’s orders before splitting up. The agent then takes your hand and leads you to one of the office rooms he saw while scanning the area. Inside, he gently holds you in place by gripping your shoulders. “Stay here until I come and get you, alright?” Minho says.

You nod, heart hammering against your chest. The male offers a gentle smile before briefly caressing your cheek. Just as quickly as he did so, he quickly pulls away, running out of the room to join the other agents in searching and clearing the place. You can only wait, hoping for the best.

Meanwhile, Minho is already reloading his pistol with a second cartridge after having taken care of a lot of Cle agents sneaking around in the facility. The idea of you alone, waiting in the office room, is enough for him to push and get this over and done with. It pushes him to chase and search for the remaining Cle agents and eliminate them so he can return to your side.

He shoots another agent after turning a corner, releasing a breath as if to hope that was the last of them. After all, the SKZ agents have been shooting and searching for the past minutes as well. Minho lowers his gun as the Cle agent falls to the floor, ready to turn on his heel.

Then just as he begins to walk towards the office where he left you, a Cle agent and SKZ agent come tumbling out of one the rooms, wrestling each other for an upper hand. Minho internally groans and lifts his gun to aim when the SKZ agent gets ahead of him, pulling the trigger of his own gun.

Minho would have left it at that, going over to the agent to help him up and ask if he was alright.

But that isn’t what happened.

It isn’t what happened because just as the SKZ agent manages to shoot the Cle agent, the opponent smashed a glass bottle in his hand, pouring a bronze liquid on the SKZ agent.

Minho recognizes the appearance of the bronze liquid, eyes wide with horror as he pushes his legs to run after you. From the distance, he can hear the agent yelling in pain as the rest of the team rushes over to watch over the injured agent.

Minho pushes the office door open and wastes no time in pulling you up on your feet, voice rushed and breathing heavy as he asks, “I know it’s weird, but did you perhaps bring some solution with you?”

“I…” you gulp, nodding quickly, “Yes, I did. What happened?”

“No time to explain.”

With that, the agent all but drags you outside and rushes back to the agent’s side. You look in horror as the agent writhes in pain, the bronze liquid melting into his skin and eating it away. The other agents are murmuring helplessly; Minho gestures for you to try the solution, eyes serious and ablaze. You kneel down beside the agent and open your bag to pull out a vial of your solution. You vaguely hear Minho explaining to the rest of the team that you’ve come up with a temporary solution; the agents whisper words and hope that it alleviates their teammate’s situation.

You lather the solution onto the area of skin that came into contact with Cle’s serum, anticipating any sort of soothing or changes. However, nothing happens, and the agent continues to cry out in pain. Your eyes widen in confusion, heart quickening its pace, “I don’t understand...it worked in the lab…”

It seems too late as the serum does its job, seeping deep inside of the agent’s body and attacking him from within. The pained cries get to you once more, and you have to close your eyes and will yourself to stay strong. Strong arms pull you up and away from the dying agent as the rest of the team huddle in front, closing their eyes sadly as they mourn for their friend. Minho watches them from the back, eyes narrowed as he mentally assesses the situation.

You, on the other hand, retreat to a quiet corner and lean against a wall to try and steady your breathing. Tears are welling in your eyes as the pained cries of the agent echo in your mind like a broken record. It distorts and grates your senses, making it feel like your head was about to split in half. With shaking hands, you grip the vial of your solution tightly, eyes glued to it as if an intense gaze was going to make it answer your question.

Why didn’t it work?

When you sense Minho approaching with fiery eyes, you steel yourself and stand up straighter. “I don’t know why it didn’t - ” you attempt to explain, but Minho cuts you off.

“There’s only two logical explanations, y/n.” he says firmly.

You look to the floor, avoiding his fiery and intense gaze; it still pierces into you nonetheless, and you can’t help but flinch when he opens his mouth to speak. “It’s either Cle is so scientifically advanced that they managed to develop another prototype that takes into account your solution because they discovered its ultimate weakness by themselves.”

Your heart begins to pound more violently in your chest.

“Or they discovered its weakness because you told someone.”

“You’re the only one I told about the solution, Minho.” you say, but neither you or the agent are convinced by your own words; the shaking guilt in your eyes says so.

“No, I’m not.” he says with narrowed eyes, “You told Kang Hyunbin.”

“I - ”

“I’m not stupid, y/n.” he growls, and suddenly, the image of Minho being sweet and warm with you the past few days burns away and turns into ashes, “You met up with him weeks ago, remember?”

“Yes, but - ”

“Stop fucking lying to my face, y/n.” Minho nearly yells before scoffing, “You told him as well, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t tell him anything specific.” you try to reason, but you know it’s futile. Admittedly, this was on you - this was your fault. You were in the wrong. You gulp and try not to crumble in front of the agent, “I only asked him about a certain chemical and how it works with another substance…”

Minho smirks almost cruelly, eyes filled with anger despite the calm disposition of his body language, “That’s more than enough to go by.”

“Hyunbin isn’t even involved in whatever business is going on between SKZ and Cle!” you snap, “He’s a doctor in Gongjak, not an evil scientist or murderer.”

“And you’re a doctor in Gongjak as well, but here you are working with SKZ.” Minho spits out, “What’s to stop Kang from getting recruited into Cle in the way you were recruited into SKZ?”

“That’s not…” you falter just a little.

“Anything is possible, y/n!” Minho raises his voice, “Why do you think I kept telling you to keep things a secret? To never tell anyone anything? Hypothetically speaking, assuming you’re correct and Kang isn’t involved, what if eavesdroppers overheard you in the cafe? In the world of agents, we have connections. You know, like Wooyoung from the cafe. What if Cle have their own connections? Cle knows what you look like, so it’s also possible that they have agents eavesdropping and hanging around you. That’s why I emphasized on not saying anything outside SKZ.”

It dawns on you that Minho makes sense, and yes, it still is your fault, but the rush and adrenaline of emotions overwhelm you and cause you to simply argue back with all sense of reason and logic thrown out the window, “I trust Kang Hyunbin, case closed.”

“You trust him, yet you can’t bring yourself to trust us, the people who’ve kept you safe and taken care of you the past months. Don’t you think it’s weird? Prototype serums are kept in a Gongjak facility when you and Kang are the only known doctors who work in the hospital? And you spoke to Kang not too long ago. The timing is just too perfect to match.”

You’re about to open your mouth to fire another comment when suddenly, you feel your back pressed to the wall with a loud thud. You can tell he held his strength back - you know he’s capable of pushing you much stronger than that; strong enough to knock you out.

But you aren’t.

He glares like a ferocious feline, eyebrows knit together in a very commanding way. “In case you haven’t picked up on it,” he spits, the heat radiating from his palm that rests against the wall next to your face, “I put a very big value on trust, and I’ve done my part in trusting you. What’s stopping you from doing the same?”

You know your eyes are shaking - scared, perhaps - but you try your best to exert a calmer facade. “Why should I trust you when you’re the one with his hand ready on his gun? Who’s to stop you from silently killing me after I’ve messed up everything for everyone?”

The male laughs almost darkly, his lips quirking into a smirk, “My mission is not to kill you, Dr. Song. I’m supposed to protect you. But as I’ve said, trust is the way things work around here, and if you can’t trust us - trust me - we’re going to be in a bit of trouble.”

The area is slightly dark as some of the lights from above were broken from the shoot out a while ago. The uneven lights and shadows play around, casting beautiful shadows on the agent’s face. You release a sigh, placing a hand on the male’s chest to gently push him away from you. Standing a bit straighter, you subtly shrug, “I trust you, Minho, but it doesn’t necessarily mean I have to let my guard down. You of all people should know where I’m coming from.”

“I most certainly do.” he says, and you can tell he grips his gun just a bit tighter as if ready to pull it out, “But keeping your guard up doesn’t mean withholding valuable information from me or HQ. It doesn’t mean skirting behind my back when you feel the need to do something. Ironically, trust me. You’re just going to make things worse.”

But before you can reply, he pushes you back against the wall; you can only see a blur of white before a gunshot is heard.

In the rush of events, Minho pulls his gun out and begins shooting at the Cle backup that has arrived. He manages to take out two agents, but a sniper from behind the guard’s table manages to shoot his shoulder, causing the agent to grunt in pain. A bloom of red blossoms on his shirt, but he pays no attention as the sniper pulls another shot, missing by a mere millimeter and grazing his cheek.

You know he’s still angry, but he still takes it upon himself to protect you, grabbing your wrist as he pulls you behind him. He shoots the enemies with one hand, slowly moving backwards to the rest of the SKZ agents. They all work together to eliminate the enemies as quickly as possible, but more backup arrives. Minho pushes you towards a group of agents and commands them, “Get out of here now! We’ll follow!”

The agents nod; one takes your wrist and runs off with the rest. You twist your head to make one last glance at Minho, but his back is turned to you, his posture ready to shoot and fight with the enemies. The agents with you rush outside the facility building, far from the action and into the safe zone.

Nearly an hour passes as you and the other agents wait outside by the cars. One agent is coordinating with Felix and HQ, while the others are taking respite and catching their breaths. You sit inside one of the cars as instructed by the next in command as they were worried you were worn out and scared.

Technically you were, but you were more worried for Minho.

“This is your fault” echoes in your mind, and you have to close your eyes to shut out the dark thoughts.

You drown in your thoughts and worries so you don’t realize that the agents are causing a commotion outside, barking out orders to help this person and help that person. When you hear another agent call out Minho’s name, you snap your head up to look out the car window.

A few agents walk emerge from the facility, and when they’ve moved away to their respective vehicles, Minho soon follows, a hand clutching his side; a blossom of red paints his white shirt on the shoulder and waist area. Blood trickles down his head and lips, and there are several bruises beginning to bloom on his face. Your heart sinks and your throat dries at the sight of it all. Half of you is relieved to see him alive, but the other half breaks at the state he’s in, limping and face grimaced with pain.

An agent puts an arm around him and helps him to the car you were in. You frantically open the door and move to the side, helping the agent get Minho inside. Once he’s seated, he tells the other agent, “We’re complete and have everything. Let’s go back.”

“Yes, sir.”

With that, the agents all file into their respective vehicles, each one driving out one by one. In your car, the two agents in the front do their own thing; the one driving remains quiet and focused while the one on the passenger seat is communicating with HQ. You know Minho would probably brush you aside because he was still irritated, but you couldn’t let him suffer and bleed in pain when you were fully equipped to help him.

Gently scooting closer, you lean forward and grab a handkerchief from your bag. Minho doesn’t move or say anything when you gently wipe the blood from his face; he remains still, but his jaw unclenches at least. With a sigh, you move on to the injuries on his body - you can’t treat the deep wounds without medical equipment, so all you could do is stop the bleeding.

“Which one is deeper?” you whisper so only he could hear, “Shoulder or torso?”

Minho shakes his head, “I’m fine, y/n. I’ll wait ‘til we get to HQ.”

“I’m just as much of a doctor as the people in the lab department are.” you sigh, “Now, which one?”

Minho looks at you with an unreadable expression before sighing in defeat, “Torso.”

You nod, immediately moving to roll up his shirt and bunch it up just before his chest. Your eyes scan the injury, taking into account the amount of blood and type of wound. You hope Minho doesn’t notice the tears welling in your eyes as you press the handkerchief to the injury on the left side of his torso, putting slight pressure to stop the bleeding.

Minho hisses in response, eyebrows furrowing as pain shoots up his body. You mumble a quick apology before releasing the pressure but keeping your hand on the handkerchief. Your eyes are glued to his injury, much too busy monitoring it for you to notice that Minho has finally moved, shifting his gaze to you. He watches your concentrated expression - the way your eyebrows are furrowed and you biting your lips as you make sure you’re putting enough pressure on the wound.

He knows he was right and that you did make a mistake by talking to Hyunbin about whatever you were working on, but it didn’t stop him from feeling a little guilty for snapping and pouring his anger out on you like overflowing lava. With a sigh, he reaches his right hand over to where you were pressing the handkerchief on. He replaces your hand with his own so that you could relax, holding the piece of cloth in place himself.

You look at him with concern, tilting your head. Minho stares, sharp and cold eyes still a bit steely, but specks of warmth begin to crackle into them. A small and barely-visible smile etches itself onto his lips as his left hand takes hold of your right hand. Fingers woven together tightly, the agent gives your hand a gentle squeeze before he leans his head on the backseat, closing his eyes.

You look at him with warmth and adoration, a single tear slipping past and sliding down your cheek. You bite your lip and close your eyes as well, leaning your head on his shoulder. Hopefully he doesn’t mind and shrug you off, especially in the presence of the other agents who were not Chan and the rest.

But when you feel him place a chaste kiss on the crown of your head, you’re pretty much certain he didn’t mind.

These gestures were an unspoken apology and forgiveness, but you made a mental note to still apologize later in HQ after Minho got his injuries treated.

For now, you relaxed against his side, releasing a sigh of relief when Minho whispers an “it’s ok” against your temple.

When the team arrived in HQ, Minho and the other injured agents were brought to the lab department’s medical wing. You offered to help treat them, but the supervising agent explained that Jisung might need you to run tests on the newly acquired prototype serums. With a sigh, you nod your head in understanding and head to the lab rooms.

After you and Jisung run tests, the younger male brings some of the other smaller results over the main HQ, giving you the time to visit Minho in the medical wing. The other doctors are either out or tending to the more heavily injured agents, but one nurse directs you to where Minho was recovering. You steel yourself and take a deep breath before walking over to the room she directed you to.

You slowly open the door and poke your head in; Minho’s seated on the bed, upper body wrapped in bandages as he speaks to someone on the phone. You gently enter the room and close the door as quietly as you can, but Minho, quick as he is, still manages to notice your entrance. He nods in acknowledgement, speaking to the other person on the phone for a few more seconds.

“Yeah, I’ll get back to you.” Minho finally says, ending the call, looking at you as if sensing your curiosity, “It was Chan.”

You nod your head and slowly make your way towards the male. You stop just a step away from his side and ask, “How are you?”

“Nothing serious.” he hums casually.

A thick silences blankets the two of you, making you feel like suffocating and choking. Minho doesn’t seem to mind, dull eyes stuck on the floor as he remains silent. Remembering why you were here, you clear your throat and softly speak up. “I’m sorry.” you say.

Minho looks at you, releasing a light sigh, “What are you sorry for, y/n? For getting caught?”

You close your eyes and chew the inside of your cheek for a few seconds. “Not just that.” you admit, “For lying to you. For breaking the trust you put in me. I did the one thing I hate the most and brought harm to all of you.”

Minho takes in your words, processing them as best as he can. He wants to be angry - he really does. It took a great amount of courage and effort on his part to trust you, but you somehow put a dent to that by talking to Hyunbin.

But he also wants to be understanding.

Though he believes you made a mistake, he also knows how devastating it would be for you should the prospect of Hyunbin being a spy be true. He knows what it’s like to trust someone with your heart, only for it to be used against yourself.

“I’ll admit I was angry and disappointed.” he starts calmly, “But I can’t blame you entirely. Things happen...things like this happen. I know that first-hand.”

You open your eyes and sigh, choking back a sob, “It still wasn’t right of me to go behind your back and lie about it. You didn’t deserve that, especially after everything you’ve done for me.”

Minho lightly chuckles at that before patting the spot next to him on the hospital bed. You easily comply, moving over to sit next to the male. He takes one deep breath before releasing it, his body more relaxed now, “I’m just glad you acknowledged your mistake.” he smiles at you, bringing a finger to your chin to make you look at him, “It’s not easy doing that.”

You look at him with glassy eyes, biting your lip before tearing your gaze away from him. Looking at the male made your heart clench with both warmth and hurt; truly, this man was someone you didn’t deserve to have by yourside.

Minho then moves his hand to cup your cheek as he speaks with a soft voice, “I’m sorry as well.”

“You don’t have to be sorry for anythi - ”

“I’m sorry for snapping and speaking to you harshly.” he continues anyway, bringing your foreheads close to rest against each other, “I didn’t mean to scare or hurt you.”

You gently chuckle, lifting your eyes to meet his, “You could never, Minho. I don’t think you’re capable of doing such a thing to me.”

“Why’s that?”

“Like you said...I trust you.”

Minho looks at you with surprise, eyes wide as he is caught off-guard. Your cheeks flare up and you make it a point to look away from the male. He, however, erupts in light chuckles before his lips curl into a satisfied smirk. You’re about to pout and ask him to explain his sudden change of expression, but you aren’t able to do so as he grabs your forearm.

Without another exchange of words, Minho pulls you against him, his arms immediately wrapping around your body in a warm hug. You squeal in surprise, but when you feel his warmth seep into your muscles, you can’t help but chuckle, snaking your arms around him as well. Whatever tension and stress lingered in your bones is now gone, melting away the more you stay in the agent’s hold. Minho buries his face in your hair, releasing a deep breath when you gently rub his back; it was like he could relax and let himself be weak in moments like these - moments with you.

“Minho?” you gently speak up.

“Hmm?”

“There’s one more thing you deserve to know.”

“What’s that?”

You pull away just enough to look into his eyes, “Back at home...I…actually kept some files.” you slowly start, a sliver of hesitation getting to you once again.

Minho senses this, so he takes your hand in his and gently brings it up to his lips, gingerly kissing your knuckles, “What files?”

You continue, “I think it may contain information and formulas that could reflect Cle’s newest prototype serum. If it turns out to be accurate, Jisung, Seungmin and I can replicate their serum as close to perfection as possible and make a final solution for it.”

“I see.” Minho says, “And it’s kept in your residence?”

“Yeah...I took it with me when...the SKZ lab incident happened years ago. I just...couldn’t bring myself to remember it after everything. I...it just brings back a lot of ugly memories.” you admit quietly.

“Well, better late than never.” Minho offers a small smile, “Do you think we can go to your place? Get those files and study them?”

“Mhmm.” you nod, smiling back, “Just...the two of us though. I want to keep those files away from anyone as much as possible. That’s the reason why I’ve never brought them up ‘til now.”

“Got it.” Minho stands up and slips a shirt on, “Should we go now?”

“If you’re well enough.”

“I am.”

“Ok, let’s go.”

Minho nods, a smile etched on his lips as he takes your hand in his, “Let’s go.”

You and Minho arrive at your house where you lead him to your bedroom; it was funny, now that you think about it more deeply.

The first time you met Minho was in your room; he tackled you, fought with you and “forced” you to come with him to SKZ’s headquarters. You resented him, a bitter feeling festering in your stomach whenever you looked at him.

Now, here you are in the same room, but now seeing him in a different light. You’re more than happy to have him beside you, and your heart secretly sings for joy whenever your eyes land on him. You’re thankful for his presence - and perhaps crave it too.

Of course, daydreaming about him isn’t why you’re here.

You walk over to your desk and sift through your bag, pulling a small key out to unlock the lock of one of the drawers. Once you pull the drawer open, you retrieve a small folder with crumbled and semi-torn sheets of paper. With you and Minho seated on your bed, you begin to show him what’s written, explaining as best as you could.

“And as I mentioned, if this formula is the closest we can get to a perfected serum, then Jisung, Seungmin and I can concoct the perfect anti-serum solution to counter Cle’s one.” you say holding the papers close to you.

“I see.” Minho mulls the idea over, “Then you three should probably prioritize this over everything else. All other missions will be dealt with by me and the other agents.”

You nod and gently place your hand on Minho’s, “Also...I’d appreciate it if this stays between you, me, Jisung and Seungmin. You...can tell Chan if you want, but that’s it.”

The male agent nods before tilting his head, “Understood, but may I ask why?”

“These files go way back to when I was working with SKZ. I may trust you and the other boys, but I don’t fully trust the whole of SKZ.” you sigh, “I’m sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologize.” Minho says calmly, moving his hand so that he can intertwine your fingers together, “But now that you’ve mentioned it, you never really have explained why you left SKZ and why you...distrust them so much.”

You look out the window of your room, eyes glazing with a sorrowful nostalgia as you recall the events of the past. Taking a deep breath, you face Minho and explain, “I’ll tell you everything then.”

“I worked in SKZ as a medical and scientific researcher. I didn’t bother myself with the affairs of the agents, which would explain why I never met you or the others. Jisung and Seungmin were acquaintances, but they usually worked in a different area from me. I was strictly on research duty and often worked by myself. Everything was fine; I thought I was doing good by researching medicine and formulas that would one day help those in need and all those noble things. However, one particular day, I went into one of the deeper, more locked-away lab rooms where top-secret work was done. There, I witnessed the beginning of my nightmare - some of the organization’s scientists and doctors had been conducting human experimentation to test out the serum they were working on - the serum Cle is working on right now.”

“So it really went all the way back then, huh?” Minho muses.

You nod and continue, “I went there to look for Dr. Baek, my superior, to submit a report. Unfortunately, I witnessed their secret work and was eventually dragged into it as they blackmailed and manipulated me into doing so. They made me aid in their research, forced me to keep my mouth shut, and physically hurt me if I tried to disobey or report back to Jung.”

You shudder and tense at the thought, so Minho squeezes in comfort. His thumb swirls gentle circles onto the skin of the back of your hand as well.

“It got to the point that they threatened to use my parents as leverage. They said they would use my parents as their next test subjects if I stopped helping them or made any move to report to Jung. I wasn’t in the best state, so I had no choice but to comply. Then one day, while aimlessly running tests and mixing things, I ended up making what you now know as Cle’s current prototype serum. I recorded the formula and findings on paper for my own reference. But, my conscience couldn’t take it. I was a doctor, I should have been caring for and saving lives, not experimenting on them and causing death. It was too much to bear, so I took the files - these files I have right now - and kept them secured away from Dr. Baek and his team.”

“But they somehow found out, didn’t they?” Minho guesses.

“Yes. They knew I had files, but they didn’t know where I kept it. They thought I had kept it as a digital file in the database or something. I refused to give it to them either way. As retaliation, they...they took my parents and you know - ”

You choke back your sobs, but Minho is quick to wrap you in an embrace, holding you safely and soothingly. With a calmer disposition, you continue your story.

“In the end, they used my parents. Driven by horror and despair, I had nothing left to risk, so I reported to Jung. That eventually led to the lab battle everyone in SKZ is aware of. Well, everyone knows about how a traitorous event transpired and a battle resulted, but I believe Jung and I are the only ones who know the specifics. The doctors and scientists involved were either killed or escaped.”

Minho’s jaw clenches, and the dark inferno in his eyes blazes as he recalls something from the past. However, he doesn’t let it linger and returns his attention to you.

“Afterwards, I officially resigned. Too much trauma and pain were inflicted, so I had to leave. Jung agreed and somehow managed to keep things low, making sure what happened stayed between us. That’s why Jisung and Seungmin don’t know the specifics as well. And, well, that’s how I ended up in Gongjak. The effects linger, and every night is a struggle for me, but what’s done is done. I’ve been scarred by it, but there’s nothing I can do. I trusted the people I worked with, yet that happened. That’s why it was hard for me to trust any one of you from SKZ.”

Minho is still hugging you as he whispers, “Thank you for telling me, y/n. I know it’s been difficult, but thank you for being so strong and persevering. Most importantly, thank you for trusting me. I know that took a lot of faith on your part.”

You bury your face against his chest and breathe in his scent, relishing in the warmth his arms gives you, “You deserve to know, Minho. I trust you, so I’m not keeping you in the dark anymore.”

“Thank you, y/n. I mean it.”

After a while, with the files securely tucked into your bag, you and Minho head out of your house and return to his car, hand-in-hand. Once the male agent drives off, a figure emerges from the shadows of the trees that line your house.

A vicious smirk curls at his lips as he watches Minho’s car disappear into the distance. The figure pulls his phone out and dials a number, waiting for the other end to pick up.

“What is it?”

The figure chuckles slowly, eyes narrowed sharp as he hums, “Lee Minho and Song y/n retrieved the files. This confirms our suspicions. Our serum is essentially complete.”

The person on the other end of the call hums in approval, “I see. Arrange for a meeting with Baek then. We have matters to discuss.”

“You got it, sir.”

The figure ends the call, dark eyes now watching the sunset as Minho’s car is completely gone from sight. The figure shoves his hands in his pockets before pulling out a polaroid photo.

A similar one to the polaroid you own.

“My apologies, sweetheart,” the figure chuckles darkly, “but this is the end of the line for our little trio. First was Ahn Hyejoo...now you.”

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