#i dont know who half of the ppl i follow even are!!

[doodlboy]

AUUUUGH I hate instagram search functions

[the-shark-well]

sometimes i dont follow people back bc of m curating but i consider us mutuals anyways . if u follow me and we know each other from other places but i dont follow u back just know i consider us mutuals in spirit ❤️

[mejomonster]

Dumb brain again was like "search how to meet people to date on apps" because I'm not good at it even remotely anymore

But every time I go down that rabbit hole I just read 20 conflicting romance advice articles til my brain fries and I feel hopeless cause there's no way to actually do all that conflicting advice if I tried

[orcelito]

Tho ex assistant manager aka miss bitch, her boyfriend came in. Or ex boyfriend at the time, except he used her rewards account & I had to see her name (ughhh), so I'm like. Are they back together? Who fuckin knows

Anyways I had to make a drink today that possibly went towards the person that holds the #3 spot for most hated in my personal life. I was Slightly tempted to spit in it, but I did not.

[itgomyway]

why you already have your “desires” ♡

non dualism means there’s no duality in your world. theres no other force at play here. it is just you. everything that manifest into your reality is as real as you let it become. your fingernails being painted vs not painted is up to the observer; you.

you cannot keep letting your senses dictate what you have. not now not ever not even when it seems like they align exact with what you want. these senses are always misleading. i have money but its not physically touching my hand. does this mean i dont have it?

for example. more than half of you are manifesting a relationship (which is 100% OKAY. never let anybody make you feel bad for it). however, since you know about non dualism, you know that everything is consciousness meaning everything is you. this includes your sp.

when ppl say your relationship always reflects how you feel about yourself THIS IS TRUE because it is just you. everything is you. my boyfriend and how he treats me is a reflection of how i view myself. ill give you an example:

when i first met him i wanted someone who would always be there for me and always want to take care of me. and he showed me that. but due to my ptsd, i used to have episodes where id push him away and believe he didnt rlly like me or want me. we spoke less and he gave me my space and it used to upset me and id be confused until one day he did smth nice for me and when i said thank u he thanked me for “letting him love me”. this was months ago so i didnt think ab it much at the time but i literally was not letting him.

he had no choice but to follow my rules. he had no choice but to present the way i assumed he would and he directly told me this what does this have to do with non dualism? like i said, everything is me. theres no outside force doing something to me, it is just me.

and there is no separation involved. there’s no imagination that has to reflect to the real world theres no 3d conforming to the 4d and there. is. no. waiting. this has nothing to do with time. time is a concept the ego (you) created to better comprehend your senses (also you)

so when i tell u whatever u “desire” is yours, IS YOURS. the little voice in the back of your head telling you to think logical tell them to shut up because logic is another ego-centered term. the ego (who is you!) was created to protect your body. but you are not just your body.

you are pure consciousness. you are everything even what it is you desire. desiring doesnt exist when you are already everything you desire. you want that man? then hes yours babes. you want a fat paycheck? then its yours

“but i say that and then i check my bank account and-“ aht aht. what did i just tell you? stop leading your understanding with misleading senses. there is no separation from what you want and want you dont want because everything is inherently neutral in the first place.

theres no différence between the number in your bank account and the number “in your head”. the bank account and number arent even real in the first place so why do you care? be fucking free from anything you have once deemed “physical” therefore real. cuz none of it is babygirl

if you ever find yourself not believing bc you dont “see it” then remind yourself that you’re still looking at it from a point of duality which is wasting your time because you are one ☝️

© itgomyway

[sun-stricken]

Random Gratsu hc’s

Job dates. Training dates. they’ve probably had like 3 real dates not counting anniversaries

Grays childhood nickname for Natsu was Ashes, it was one of the first he called him and probs the only one that wasn’t driven as an insult.

he stopped calling him that at some point in their early teens, but he accidentally let it slip post forming the team and Natsu wouldnt respond to anything else from him for like a week straight

Gray has chronic pain, and he will drape himself over Natsu when it gets bad bc hes a human heating pad. Natsu takes it in stride even if hes having a conversation with someone

If Natsu gets too flustered (or turned on, or angry) his temperature will rise a lot, and since Gray runs cold their first kiss (and plenty after) created light steam

its happened during most of their firsts as a couple and it always makes Gray laugh which in turn causes Natsu even more embarrassment which creates more steam

its a vicious cycle

Gray fell first, Natsu fell harder

Gray isnt bad at flirting per se, hes just awkward ans gets too embarrassed with it. He prefers to ‘flirt’ with actions (looking him up and down, gifts, being touchy)

Natsu unintentionally flirts, hes not the type to hold back and says what he means. So he ends up giving the most genuine, love struck compliments known to man and he doesn’t even realize.

However, his deep hidden knowledge of actual flirting comes out when they’re fighting

Even though they argue constantly they have a rule against going to bed angry that they follow religiously, and if that means they don’t sleep for days on end sometimes thats nobody’s business but theirs.

When they started dating the original plan was to wait to tell people, but Natsu, who was genuinely vibrating with excitement and a need to tell everyone, broke within the first week

(what he doesnt know is Gray actually broke first, telling Cana the day of the first date (He needed moral support and shes had to listen to him moon over him for years! she deserved to know!))

Not that it really mattered, half the guild thought they were dating already

There was no formal announcement, they just started making out in the guild and that was that

ironically, the guildmates closest to them were the ones that had no clue and were surprised. And the ones that werent that close went on abt how ‘it was so obvious’ and ‘how could you not know?’

Once the shock and awe died down, ppl started panicking trying to figure out who to give the shovel talk to

baseline; it was very eventful

Before they started dating every now and then you could catch Gray looking in pure awe at Natsu when hes beating the shit out of someone

He doesnt even try to hide it now, even if hes the one Natsus fighting

Gray, staring at Natsu: hes so hot
Lucy, concerned: ??? Hes about to kill that guy!!
Gray, sighing dreamily: i know

They dont actually know how they started dating. one minute they were fighting and the next they were making out, two days later they were on a date in a restaurant way too fancy for them. and that was that

Gray has used Natsu as a human lighter so many times over the years its likely he doesnt even carry one any more

Natsu will eat the flame if Gray tries to use one till he asks him

[desire-mona]

Opinions on jacksfilms v sssniperwolf?

Penny for ur thoughts plz 🪙 (<- pretend that is a penny shhhhh)

this ask is an equivalent to asking for my hand in marriage just btw.

so in case anyone doesnt know anything abt this old ass drama (i dont know as much as i could either, this is a retelling from the bits and pieces i remember):

so basically sssniperwolf used to be this gaming youtuber but she eventually turned into a half baked "reaction" channel where she just watches tiktoks, makes low effort surface level commentary, and then doesnt credit the creator of said tiktoks. jacksfilms is a comedy youtuber who does a bunch of stuff (sketches, streaming, something called YIAY where he gives ppl prompts / questions to answer n reads em out(with credit!(also hes been doing stuff with ai recently but mostly to show how mid it is which like. eh idk how i feel abt it but its not a dealbreaker))) and he at one point in 2023 called out sniper for her content stealking and lazy content.

he started doing this thing where he reacted to her videos the way she reacts to the videos she steals? i think? and then he gives credit to the creators that sniper reacts to i hope ur following. sniper eventually got mad and was like "uhhhmmm ur stealing from me....." which is rly funny considering she steals from SO many ppl. they had lowkey beef for a while (and obv jack was in the right the entire time) and on uhhhhhh lemme look this up hold on. october 13th of last year sniper posted an instagram story poll like "jacksfilms is close to this place im shooting at should i go see him" i guess to like? talk things out?

(src)

and then some amnt of time later while jack was playing jackbox on stream with his editors and stuff (dubbed the council) sniper showed up at his house, stood outside, and posted a video OF HIS HOME ON HER STORY. ON HER INSTAGRAM WITH OVER 5 MILLION FOLLOWERS. also to add even more context that i found out from youtube comments, sniper has been arrested for armed robbery before, so! some council member alerted jack and erin (jack's wife) was like "erm im gonna go outside" and everyone was like NO DONT OMG. eventually she deleted the story but by that point it was like wayyyy too late. and photos of his house were alr on twitter and stuff. the most ridiculous part is that when jack was rightfully like WHAG GHE HELL she was like this guy is creepy and hes been harassing me! i just wanna talk!!!

jacksfilms made a video being like heyyyyy youtube can u do smthn abt this???? youtube, of course, did nothing in response. i honestly dont know how it ended but snipers still doing her thing and so is jack so ultimately nothing substantial came of it, i guess. i wasnt on stream when it happened but i was GLUED to twitter as it was unfolding since ive been a big jacksfilms fan since i was 12ish. crazy times

WAIT EDIT I FORGOT TO ADD MY OPINION OOPS LOL: FUCK SNIPERWOLF

also fun fact! ive had a couple convos with a council member (marshaldoesstuff u will always be famous) and i was in his discord FOREVER ago. like 2018 forever ago. got groomed in that server it was kinda goofy (NOT marshal's fault - nor the mods of said server, im still friends with a few of those mods and they were always so protective of me and were there to put a stop to everything, i love them dearly.) so yeah im kinda etched into jacksfilms lore in a way that VERY few remember. which is the case for a few different fandoms tbh.

second fun fact: jack and erin r house md fans (erin has a crush on house and jack has a crush on cuddy which is sooo based of them)

thank u for asking and thank u for reading :3 i luv jacksfilms

[odysseys-blood]

whb hcs that i keep bouncing around bc im in too deep:

-idc that the only valentines card as of now was in avisos gehenna is THE valentines spot of hell and its always full of crowds during that time of year (not sure i can really say february?) so many shops with couples deals, love song performers in parks and venues, restuarants packed so bad you have to get a reservation years in advance, etc etc and they hold a festival for it that lasts throughout the week. even single devils get spruced up and decorate for valentines

-while there is one general language between heaven/hell there are still different languages and dialects between the countries. this is a big reason why paimon draws out words and speaks so slowly its bc in the area of gehenna shes from everyone speaks with a drawl. theres also country wide details to speech like it being common for devils from paradise lost to speak quieter or avisos devils tending to speak fast (though there are always outliers like beel).

-ext. to the last bit this is why mammon speaks the way he does to he gives me "raised by grandparents" vibes.

-belial and zagan sign most of their conversations! they use a standard language and most of the other gehenna nobles have picked up at least a little bit over the years but ppyong or jjyu still interpret often for them. satan's not the best at signing himself and is a little clumsy with it but he can follow a conversation p well.

-its common for families in gehenna and tartaros to be larger. devils in gehenna just tend to want a lot of children and live in multigenerational homes and in tartaros multiple births are common (as in twins, triplets, etc.) and valefor comes from the largest family of the tartaros nobles. families in hades tend to be smaller with single children being the norm and rarely households have two or three offspring.

-meal times in avisos are often shared between households because of how much effort it takes to make enough food to keep everyone satisfied so often avisos devils eat along with another family (or a couple). its also common for celebratory dinners (new job, kid's graduation, etc) to instead become whole block parties. half the time most of the people there dont even know whats being celebrated but the food they brought is good so who cares

-extra to the last bit bael has never been able to bring anything to one of those parties either. ppl make off w/ whatever he brings on their plates to be nice but it usually ends up face down in the trash. aint nobody ever seen mac and cheese so ghoulish before his.

[teardew]

-

im thinking about making a patreon because i .. uh .. i cant justify drawing for myself anymore and its killing me lmao

it takes me really long to draw so any time i hav should be spent on comms... iv been trying to fight off burnout by drawing things i like inbetween commissions like that sv anatomy practice and vampire/werewolf mngling was just for me but it still ended up setting me behind schedule because i had to rest my eyes and wrist afterward. but not only that i also wanna like. make a lot more things ...

like i wanna do animal, insect, architectural, jewelry studies and fashion and character design explorations and try designing icon packs and branch out trying embroidery with mixed media and clothes making and get into making like 3d things with clay and soft sculptures. i wanna make historical fashion coloring books with việt phục and fashion zines ...

also theres a lot of stuff i dont post bc im not sure if anyone would be interested in all the design concepts and notes i had for example the homestuck dreamer outfits or the various sha hualing designs and sketches i had before getting to the thing i posted? like i hav a bunch of different sqh outfit and hair designs but theyr more clothing based and not detailed character/face art ...

idk !! it sounds like an excuse. its like, who cares just post it ! i know i shouldnt value my art by the amount of numbers i get from posting on social media and i dont mostly but its kinda unavoidable ? to me ? i know i only post fanart and ppl follow me for that and its not a bad thing ! being realistic i just dont think anybody but me would be interested in it ??

i dont know. god. i dont know what this post is about. ''i dont think anybody would be interested in the things i really wanna make'' but im thinking about making a patreon for things i really wanna make anyway because thats the only way i can justify it is if i can profit off it in some way. i dont really want to, but with my financial circumstances i dont know. i never wanted to make my livelihood off my art. i dont even consider or call myself an ''artist'' really, i just want to MAKE art

i dont know why i still cant find a steady job after 5 months applying to everything and its making me miserable. its embarassing, they say to be persistent with jobs but calling and even walking in to check on applications and watching employers awkwardly try to turn me away without just flat out telling me no even though none of them hire me is an exercise in public humiliation. how bad do you want a job? bad enough to make a fool of myself with nothing to show for it. and i want to make art for myself to cope but it takes too much time and time is money

maybe this post is about my art anxiety under capitalism. i dont know

i think im safe enough now to admit my friends gofundme i was posting about months ago about helping their friend escape their abusive household was actually my gofundme because i was worried about them finding out and preventing me from leaving or internet stalking me afterwards. i did hav a scare when i got a phone call i thought was from my brother but ended up being a police officer, whos my mother's friend ...

but anyways. me admitting this is just to give context that. i ran hundreds of miles away from financial security and everything i ever knew and im still struggling to find steady income nearly half a year later. i just dont understand what im doing wrong. is it my name? is it because im not from here? iv been working continuously ever since i could legally my resume isnt BAD. am i just stupid? should i have just tried to make peace with my lot in life?

i thought getting away from my family would let me be in a better place to create more art, thats one of the things i was so excited about but this feels just as stressful as when i was the only earner supporting my family during covid. i just want a stable job so i can make art. i dont want making art to be my Job. i dont want to be a ''starving artist'' begging for people to care about my art i just want to make art. but fuck i dont know how to sustain any of this

sorry for this mess. insurance is different out here and i havnt been able to find a psych either so its not like i can talk about this in therapy instead of venting on my art blog. all my life i wanted to make things without the fear of it all being destroyed. the main reason i havnt branched out from illustrations is because its entirety can be saved digitally even if its physically ruined. my sketchbooks were thrown away or ripped apart by my family either from carelessness or anger to hurt me but now that im finally enough safe to have them again or make something i can hold in my hands without the fear that someone will come in break it and make me clean up its corpse i cant afford it

i dont know what to do. is it worth it? is making art worth it? i mean. its worth the rent this month. and i still love drawing god this is probably bad for business because i dont want people to feel bad for commissioning me or anything but not to be dramatic why does it feel like im fucking dying

[pup-pee]

*presents u my dick grayson hcs like ur @ my garage sale* (dick hcs #1?)

♡ this

♡ hes a passenger princess(no this is cannon whoopsie)

♡ dick is like the first girl 2 b killed in a slaughter movie, but just as a 27-ish yr old adult man

♡ draws on a beauty mark in a different spot everytime & gaslights any1 who asks about it -"hey wasnt ur beauty mark under ur other eye?" -"idk i cant see my own face"

♡ hes always losing his hairties bc he keeps shooting them @ ppl -& rubberbands 4 that matter

♡ we dont talk about the skin grip example -it involves a lot of falling & a lot of crashing -if ykyk

♡ dick usually has a twix in his pocket, but in order 2 get it u have 2 guess if its a left or right twix -he also respectfully keeps the left twin in his left pocket & the right twix in the right pocket

♡ he never believed in santa claus but is terrified that watermelon will grow inside him if he swallows the seeds

♡ not rlly a hc but hes vry mcdonals girl toy coded

♡ says "fuck it we ball" b4 jumping in2 a drug ring

♡ the hardest hes laughed in a while was @ a bucket falling over

♡ "masculine but in a peacock way" quotes,,,,,

♡ makes hot chocolate in a pot -refuses 2 make it in a mug it HAS 2 b done on the stove or its not the same

♡ knows how to do his make-up but doesnt know the name of the product he uses -foundation? no thats just my face paint

♡ if u ask him 2 draw, hell say "i cant even draw a straight line!"

♡ dick; *pulls out sticker sheet* *puts mlp sticker some1s face*

♡ swallowed grapes/blue berries whole as a kid bc he didnt know better -didnt chew them*

♡ dicks fav turtle is leo

♡ fixates on tinkering w/his bits & bots

♡ wears crocs -"y do u wear crocs?" -dick; kicks in their direction so the croc hits theyre face

♡ eyeballs measurements(like cooking) -until it comes 2 clothes, then its ultra mega super duper whopper popper deluxe edition focus

♡ h8s grippy socks -the textures weird + attracts halys hair(as if all socks wouldnt but-) -prolly h8s socks in gen

♡ had 2 have snorted pixie stick as a kid -i am such a believer that every kid has done this so he will 2 -as a dare @ LEAST

♡ when hes angry he plops 1 of those sweet cough drops in his mouth 2 chew on just so that he doesnt go off -any hard candy works 2 -he needs 1 of those chewie chewables

♡ biting/chewing hcs bc it needs a separate category @ this point -keeps chewing on earbuds -h8s biting his nails actually -no pen or pencil or eraser is safe -loves biting but h8s when his food is 2 chewy/has 2 bite harder than usual -has more than 1nce caught himself about 2 chew on electrical wire -bites ppl he loves 2 show appreciation/love nom -(i will defend this goddamn hc till the day i die)

♡ pizza bagels -if ur confused, come see me after class

♡ titans have basically banned horror movies from movie nights bc dick would complain about the gore/physics/traps/mo/literally anything 'inaccurate' -"dick its just a movie" "U DONT UNDERSTAND."

♡ has the most social media followers out of batfam but only posts 1nce a month(sometimes not) -its just a picture of his half eaten cereal captioned "beautiful day today"

♡ titians walked in on him doing a backbend & thought some1 murdered him(not 4 vry long though cause oviously he was alive i just like the thought of some1 like roy when he 1st joined the team walking in & doing the most dramatic gasp ever)

♡ listen, i like contortionist dick -its fun & silly

♡ takes 'cringe' as a compliment

♡ "ur mature 4 ur age!" dick; "let me fix that real quick"

♡ hair grows vry quickly

♡ h8s functioning labels(i mean we all should but yk)

♡ skilled in bingo

♡ over buys treats 4 haly -& toys

♡ insane internal clock -kinda ties in; tells ppl specific times -"meet me @ 2;37 pm" as an example

♡ comic sans enjoyer(literally stole from ttg but shhhhhh)

♡ more invested in presidential gay love affairs than WW1 or 2

♡ hes about yay high

♡ hyperfixates on languages istg

i literally could go on 4ever bc my brain is that highway in germany but i wont i regret nothing

pt 2 <- if i make 1 lol

[heiayen]

EPISODE 7: SOMETHING SHE MIGHT LIKE... note: this chapter's written part is longer but very important, so! remember to read it

"No offense, but how else would anyone follow you?" Lumine raised her eyebrows as she put down the plate with dumplings, "If the person got a professional camera and all, then I don't think it would be hard for them to get a tracking device and just plant it in your car."

The main topic of the dinner was, obviously, who took the photos. You couldn't blame the twins for being curious and asking questions, the case was on your mind all the time, too.

"The car was locked, Lumine. Not a single sign or anyone breaking in." Scaramouche replied, annoyance evident in his voice.

"Then how else on earth?"

This was something that also bugged you. Your boyfriend was literally swearing he saw no one following you, and yet someone did. When Lumine first proposed the existence of a tracking device, Scaramouche disagreed instantly, saying how there was no chance someone broke inside.

But you couldn't help and feel like this was possible.

"Could someone put it somewhere on the car?" You asked.

Both Scaramouche and Lumine looked at each other, and then her gaze wandered to her brother.

"…I mean, someone could put it under the car? I saw people do it."

You looked at Scaramouche. Despite his usual frown, you noticed the uneasiness underneath it. To realize that someone was constantly aware of where you were going was a terrible thing, you could only imagine. You grabbed his hand under the table and gave it a light squeeze.

He squeezed back.

"I'll check later."

This was the end of this discussion. Lumine nodded.

"Anyway, I made two kinds of dumplings because I didn't know what you'll like…" She started and pointed at the plate, "Those are with meat and these are with mushroom. Oh, and Aether has his potato filling ones."

"With potatoes?" Your boyfriend asked. Honestly, you were kinda curious about them too. You never had dumplings with potatoes, out of all fillings…

"You want some?" Aether smiled, a dumpling already on his fork.

"No."

Still, the said dumpling ended up on his plate anyway. He stared at it and, honest to god, for a second you thought its about to get stabbed with his glare alone.

"Aether, can I have one too?"

"…sorry, Y/N, I have only six dumplings left…"

You glared at him, "So this is how you treat your friend… you pick their boyfriend over them…"

"No, it's not like this!" Aether waved his hands, a hint of amusement on his face. This quickly turned into a friendly bickering between you and him.

You didn't even notice when suddenly, half of the potato dumpling ended up on your plate.

When you noticed it, you smiled at Scaramouche.

a/n: i wonder what's the thing... anyways the dumpling lumine mentioned are actually rly good. yes im pushing my slavic twins agenda cuz i enjoy projecting. also! please if you have any comments theories whatever feel free to share them cuz i love listening what ppl think and yeah <3

MAIN POST. previous <—> next

taglist: @snobwaffles @soleillunne @ilyuu @lxkeeeee @haliyamori @yinyinggie @sakiimeo @supernova25 @cloudycloudd @d4y-dr3am3r (comment or whatever to be in the taglist, IF i forgot someone which might happen dont hesitate to remind me)

[livisart]

Can I ask what happened with Datakits, I'm in the species and I'm concerned.

this ask is like half a year old at this point so idk if ur still interested. but basically:

(tw suicide)

my ex (who is a datakits moderator) conducted a smear campaign against me. this included completely made up and ridiculous stalking accusations (which were based on me doing things like "talking about a video game with someone" and "following someone on artfight") accusations of "harassment" (because i "vagueposted" by referencing my trauma in the tags of ONE tumblr post. why my ex has such in depth knowledge of everything i post on tumblr when he claimed to want nothing to do with me, i dont know. lmao) etc. he even went so far as to take my attempts at recovery and improving myself after a traumatic event and twist that to be me trying to get back on his good side or whatever. he also outright told ppl to just block me and not talk to me, i'm guessing because his narrative required no one getting my side of things.

some of the people he spread this to were the datakit owners, because me being "too active" in that server was apparently malicious according to him (the actual reason i was very active in the datakits server was because datakits were and still are a special interest of mine and a HUGE comfort to me, and this was abt 2 weeks after i attempted suicide, hence me trying to cope using things i take comfort in???? also i was not given a warning abt being too active, if i was being too active and causing discomfort i should have just been told so)

the datakit owners took his inane bs as 100% fact, did not talk to me abt it, banned and blocked me, and sent my ex to tell me about it. which is horrible species management, but i digress.

once again, this all took place abt 2 weeks after i tried to jump in front of a god damn train. and my ex springing all this on me and spreading shit abt me made me suicidal again. which my ex used to spread that i was "using suicide to guilt him", which is a fucking vile thing to say abt someone who literally just attempted suicide.

i eventually got one of the owners to talk to me and explained the situation.

here's the kicker. even though the owners are now aware of, and fully believe and acknowledge that the shit spread abt me was false, i remain banned, because apparently the shit my ex spread abt me made one of the owners too ~uncomfortable~ with me due to ~associations~/banning me is "irreversible" for some unexplained reason. meanwhile my ex remains a mod and did not face any disciplinary action because "hE gEnUiNelY tHouGht yOu wErE sTaLkiNg hIm" and "he has paranoia and experiences delusions so you being mad at him is ableist actually uwu" (i'm BARELY paraphrasing here)

as someone who ALSO has paranoia and experiences delusions, i honestly find the notion of "mentally ill ppl cant help but spread lies abt ppl uwu" really insulting. but whatever. especially since his actions ACTUALLY ALMOST CAUSED SOMEONE'S DEATH because his little smear campaign caused me enough distress that i attempted suicide again :))))

the owner did keep in contact with me while i was in the psych ward, which was nice i guess except our conversations almost entirely consisted of him defending his and the other owners actions because "ummm in our defense the allegations were ~serious~" and insisting that i shouldnt hold any of this against him or the other owner.

ive been very afraid to talk abt this because my ex also made a point to tell me that he "could do a lot worse to ruin my life if he wanted to", and i believe him. but honestly i dont fucking care anymore

[tgcg]

is your inspiration dakidavekat? i could definitely see it (CW FOR. WEIRDNESS + SOME GORE/DISTURBING IMAGERY 4 ANYONE THAT DOESNT KNOW)

i didnt know who that was until maybe a week after i made this blog but theyre very creative, definitely became a motivator for me to continue with this blog. but i dont actively follow their account or anything bc i dont have twitter

i think my main media inspo is probably old ask blogs, dailyx blog, badlydrawnx blog, but i love wonky mspaint art n i always have. david and karky lend themselves very well to me throwing open paint and blasting my brain onto a white screen for half an hour at 1am

i guess basically my main inspos are im bored , i think a lot about some guys, and i find drawing with my mouse very soothing. but its cool and motivating to know other ppl have also been doing this with the bros

thanks for asking (: have a good evening

[doomed-era]

psssst. you dont have to answer this however! hcs…… shaking a jar like a victorian news child. spare hcs….. . either of the champions or just general Things. you could even make it about among us if you wanted. botw among us

BOTW AMONG US...that would be funny. link would make a terrible imposter bc half the ppl there would immediately assume it was him (he's too stoic for his own good) he immediately gets punted out of the spaceship whenever he's even remotely near a dead body. otherwise he's just screwing around. often is the first to die as well since he wanders off by himself. i don't feel sorry for him he's got better things to do. like dissociate

revali...50/50 shot he'll be discovered. he's very good at making an alibi, almost TOO good, but in most rounds he'll be very consistent about saying where he was and what he was doing, what he saw other people doing, etc, with great accuracy, and when he does lie he tries to make it plausible--and he's good at it. shockingly good for someone who prides themselves on their honesty. he laughs whenever anyone else gets ejected and mipha accuses him of taking the game too seriously.

daruk got imposter for several rounds and literally no one suspected him. he grumbled about tech issues and kept asking about how to use the controls for various minigames so he got written off as not dangerous </3 however people eventually caught on that he can't lie for the life of him and once his alibi was gone his tells became very obvious (he often grunts or grins when he's guilty)

zelda is awful at being the imposter specifically--not only does she have obvious tells but she cannot make a proper alibi DESPITE being able to accurately detail what she's doing even more minutely than revali. she also just stammers a lot and might just admit she's the imposter to finish the game because she knows she's bad at it. when she's a regular crewmate she is often the last to die, since she tends to stick around someone (usually mipha). if she does get ejected it's due to the wild accusations that she tends to make

speaking of mipha. she is a beast at this game. not only is she good at lying, she's only gotten to be the imposter a few times, AND everyone is put off-guard by her usually sweet nature. whenever she's the imposter she wins. she killed zelda in cold blood when she was following her around during one game and zelda was VERY upset. revali was the only one who suspected her at all and of course no one believed him smh. after she won her first game as the imposter she gave everyone a little smile and said she regretted nothing

urbosa was a good impostor for a few rounds until people started noticing that she had a very specific kill order preference for some reason, and rarely kills link or zelda until there's no one left (link being the obvious tell here, since he tends to get killed first). when she won she laughed all evil-like and she looked really nervous when mipha said revali was taking the game too seriously. she does have some issues with the controls and has trouble with a few of the minigames but doesn't complain about them she just gets mad and curses her hypothetical gaming device(tm)

[goatpaste]

Hey, I’m the person who made the initial callout and I’m glad to see that you’ve changed. I apologize for spreading any misinformation and have edited my post linking to yours. I’m glad to see you’ve improved 👍

hey no worries, i understand why ppl would feel the need to let others know about my past post if they worry about who i am right now

but i want to restate, that is not the same person i am now. i dont want those old post to represent me as a person. they were wrong and bad, and people are allowed to not want to be around me because of it.

However who i am at this time and place is not that person anymore. I would like to at least be acknowledged for growing and changing from that point in time. I was 18, and yes i should have been old enough to probably know better but i was in a transition period in my life a lot going on and i think i was much more on the internet discourse and letting myself fall into these groups and ideas that really were productive or helpful or kind. I took me a bit but i did eventually realized what i was saying was hurting people and for a reason, that i was not being a good ally to others.

it has been 5 years since i basically even mentioned any of that discourse half because i dont feel that way anymore, and the few times i did good or bad always spiraled with the ask and my followers and just felt like ask bait after awhile. and when i get flustered i have bad adhd, dyxlexia and autism so i tend to spiral myself where i mistype and things i say are spelt out wrong or lose my footing on topics when i get overwhelmed. most of the time i wouldnt really answer ask about if i was an aphobe unless people directly Dm'd me, which they have.

I have tried to remove old post of me saying these things because i dont like the idea of ppl searching my blog to find old outdating mean spirited things iv said, but i also havent gotten rid of it all between not being able to find all the post and part that i worried it seem like i was attempting to hide myself when its more i wanted to kill and bury this older version of myself.

but yes, i have had people pinning me for being an aphobe since i chose to be stupid publicly online 5 years ago and its something i have to accept and live with as i move forward and know it will effect how ppl who see me and know me and know about this look at me. you making a callout post was just your trying to keep the people you know and care about safe with the information you had at hand.

but thank you for understanding and seeing the change iv tried to make as a person over the last few years. i do appreciate you come to me and letting me know.

[retrievaldivision]

comparing how we've seen dispatch operate in manga canon to the BITE model for cult identification <3

putting this all under a readmore for thorough discussions of cults and suicide . heres my meta everyone

so basically. imho dispatch operates like a cult and will grelle ron and othello need to dip asap and ut had the right idea for leaving. this is basically evidence for my theory that at some point its going to get revealed that the "higher ups" are uhhhh. fucked up actually and the squad is getting emotionally manipulated. alright lets get to it

starting off w behavioral control letsgo

"promote dependence and obedience"

-so the big thing that signifies this in canon for me is the fact that . as sascha talked about in ch 105 (#brainwashedgirlqueen) the reapers are dependent on dispatch and the higher ups for forgiveness of their sin. if they dont play by their rules theyre not getting out of punishment purgatory

"modify behavior with rewards and punishment"

-remember when grelle was gone for an arc and then came back in campania and was like haha yeah ive been on suspension . i mean. there it is. theres definitely an argument to be made here about the fact that grelle was killing random ppl and like yeah definitely wld call for uhhh not being in public However-- why i kept this in was bc like . yeah she was being suspended for doing some mass murder etc-- but she was also being suspended bc she fully left dispatch during that time. like she was off with angelina pretending to be her butler not @ hq literally in disguise and thats why will had to come get her ass in the first place. which i think should be pointed out here

"dictate where and with whom you live"

-keeping this on here tentatively bc we dont know specifics but like. HQ. i think its important to point out that they all have this building where theyre all supposed to be

"control clothing and hairstyle"

-the suit uniform swag period.

"restrict leisure time and activities"

-again pointing out saschas monologue. the part where she points out theyre all supposed to be "worked to the bone".

-in the extended version of the BITE model they also talk about weaponizing keeping a cult member busy thru tasks bc if they are so pre occupied with tasks it leaves them w less time to question whats going on and . Yeah .

moving on to informational control

"deliberately withhold and distort information"

-pointing out how in campania ron and grelle had no fucking clue who undertaker was even tho he was supposed to have been a Huge Deal while he was at dispatch. why werent ron and grelle privy to this info why did they have to hear it from ut himself . unless ur deliberately withholding shit it makes no sense as to why they shldnt know abt the guy who destroyed half of HQ even if it happened before their time

"forbid you from speaking with ex members and critics"

-this is in purple and only half credited bc the strongest example i can think is from tmbd and not the manga but i still do want to bring it up (and i think is worth mentioning bc yana did draw those bitches into the manga when talking abt deserters so) but the whole. will monologue in tmbd where hes like yeah ur name will be stricken from the records . its a little uh. yeah its coded

"divide information into insider vs outsider doctrine"

-yeah so remember when the fight was about to happen in campania and grelle was like this is shinigami business stay out of it outsider to sebastian. like literally called him an outsider. its the vocabulary.

"encourage others to spy and report on others' 'misconduct'"

-for this i am citing the entirety of management div and the fact that its a thing. it can def be argued that management is also there to intervene during like very fucked situations where just retrieval div cant handle it as we've seen will do. but also like. it does seem esp w ripper arc that management div is there to narc on ppl for not following rules etc.

-Also for this one wanted to point out that in the extended BITE model they talk abt using buddy systems so like. u arent truly alone there is always someone who can rat on u . and how thru most of the arcs w reapers present theyve been in groups of two (ron and will in circus, ron and grelle in campania, sascha and ludger in green witch, othello and grelle during the whole ut standoff). again this can also be argued that theyre there for helping purposes in terms of fights But Also. its a little coded u guys imho

moving onto thought control

"instill black vs white, us vs them & good vs evil thinking"

-going to be talking abt this again for the second point but the way that specific language is used to moralize what the higher ups r asking the reapers to do. the way that the reapers describe what theyre doing as "collecting" souls whereas demons "hunt" souls even tho they are both. Taking Someones Soul. the fact that this paints their actions in a morally better light even tho it is the same action

-also wanted to point out a moment in the training ova even tho its not manga canon bc it is worth mentioning imo. will's whole monologue when hes getting his glasses where hes like. going to be "protecting" ppls souls and all of this stuff. and that these r Glasses Of Life. all of this pure morality and saviorism the reapers are being taught to attribute to them being in dispatch. Yeah.

"use loaded language and cliches to stop complex thought"

-thinking abt the v specific terms both will (current member of dispatch) and ut (ex member of dispatch) use to describe demons when they call them "vermin" like it is the Exact Same Word that they use. its again the repeated vocabulary to other and condemn demons even though they are Both Entities Who Take Ppls Souls Away. its . hmmmm. why does this not apply to u guys.

last one!

"install irrational fears (phobias) of questioning or leaving the group"

-based on the 105 info, if u leave dispatch, u r never going to be forgiven from ur "sin." even though. we've never seen this "forgiveness" ever actually happen and none of the reapers have ever indicated that anybody they know has ever actually been forgiven. its the irrational fear of not being forgiven even though attaining forgiveness has not, as we seen, been proven to actually be a real thing

"label some emotions as evil, worldly, sinful, or wrong"

-wld like to briefly point out wills monologue to ron in circus abt how having empathy is like not something that should be done

-also the whole . again with the 105 drop. the fact that dispatch is labelling having mental illness as A Sin. lol

"promote feelings of guilt, shame, and unworthiness"

-again going off of 105 . the whole reason they are there and working for the higher ups is bc they have killed themselves and feel the need to get forgiven for it. The Entire Model Of Dispatch Runs On Guilt

"shun you if you disobey or disbelieve"

-circling back to previous points made abt ut being a big deal and ron and grelle only finding out abt him when he literally spelled it out for them . like he was. all info of him was gone that wasnt firsthand witnessed once he deserted. also rons whole moment in campania i believe while hes talking to ryan where hes like i have no respect for ppl who meddle w death. and dispatch has rules against meddling w death.... hmm...

"teach that there is no happiness or peace outside the group"

-bringing up 105 again. there is no forgiveness outside of dispatch that is why they are still there this is the only way they can get forgiveness and presumably peace bc theyve righted their "sin"

in conclusion, the higher ups are fucked up and will grelle ron and othello are getting played <3 i do think this is going to be blatantly revealed at some point like. with everything ive talked about in this post . i do think there is foreshadowing directly pointing to this idea. and i think there will be a moment where will ron grelle and othello realize this . thanks for coming everyone