#i dont read anything hs anymore

[miisart]

[zombiepedia]

i think hs2 fucking butchered dirk strider. i will not elaborate just know the epilogues and dirk strider villain era does not exist to me

[themelrosetwins]

in other news does anyone have a link to the 10th anniversary edition so I can get the short stories without blowing up my laptop

[turnstechgodhead]

i mentioned on stream tht i would make a shimeji-ee tutorial + how to revive old shimejis this way

so here

FIRST off red text is for things that im just showing you for clarity

it's not complicated, this is just long so i can get all the explaining out of my brain- feel free to ignore red text

anyway; go here and download this

got that? extracted it? great

it should look like this

[folder] conf [folder] img [folder] lib [text doc] licence [sic] [text doc] readme [jar file] shimeji-ee

what you're going to do depends on the kind of shimeji you downloaded

if its designed specifically for this version (ie: mine, which, hello to the future bc they arent out yet as of writing this)

then you SHOULD just have a file tht looks like this

[folder] a!dave

and on the inside looks like this

[folder] conf [14 pngs of post-scratch dave; though there will/should be more than this in the folder (i have blacked out some unused anims)]

if the folder called conf isn't inside this folder [a!dave], then read the next section about other shimeji

[xml] actions [xml] behaviors

the inside of the conf folder should look like this

what you're gonna do is get the character folder [a!dave]

and drag/move it into the IMG folder of shimeji-ee

[folder] conf [folder] img [folder] lib [text doc] licence [sic] [text doc] readme [jar file] shimeji-ee

it should look kind of like this inside the [img] folder

[folder] a!dave [folder] shimeji [folder] unused [png] icon

it should just work as is, but if it isn't, undo this back to the first step/the way things were when you downloaded it, and follow the steps below (if the shimeji you want isn't showing up and only the white oval guy is, just hang tight/scroll to the bottom.)

if the shimeji is old/different/for the browser version/whatever

now, for older shimeji/other shimeji, i'll use davechick as an example. the shimeji is 11-ish years old, and only is in japanese. this shimeji is from askdavechick (an old hs blog thas not active anymore)

so he is downloaded as a RAR file

this isn't a problem, go get 7zip if you dont already have a way of extracting .rar files.

right click on it duh

just do that [dropdown menu] [open] [7-zip] > [open archive] [open archive] [extract files...] [extract here] [extract to "rar-file name\"]

any of the extract options will do

extract

go into that new folder

[folder] Shimeji_davechick

this looks a little different

[folder] conf [folder] img [folder] lib [application] shimeji [jar file] shimeji [text doc] ライセンス

its fine. just ignore literally everything except for the first two folders, [conf] and [img]

inside the img folder it should look like this

[png] icon [35 pngs of davechick from askdavechick. though there will/should be more than this in the folder]

(the conf is missing, which is not what we want. if theres a conf in there, then cool. just install it like the previous section.)

go back here

[folder] conf [folder] img [folder] lib [application] shimeji [jar file] shimeji [text doc] ライセンス

youre gonna take the conf folder as is- no fucking with it or taking anything out, and drag it into the [img] folder right below it

now the img folder inside looks like this

[folder] conf [png] icon [16 pngs of davechick]

great, awesome. back out

now you have to rename the img folder

you can name it whatever i guess but its probably easier if you name it the character

[folder] img [RE-NAME] -> [folder] davesprite [folder] lib [app] shimeji [jar file] shimeji [text doc] ライセンス

when you have that, take the newly named [davesprite] folder, copy it or cut it or drag it

then you go back to shimeji-ee like the first section

and paste it into [img]

then it should work

if the shimeji you want isnt showing up and only the lil oval guy is

no problem, go down to your taskbar.

right click on [shimeji-ee]

cool dropdown menu- this is all pretty useful and i recommend checking out the settings and allowed behaviours if your computer sucks/ you dont want them to yeet your windows

but we want

[choose shimeji]

it'll open up this

select your guys

congrats they should be working

feel free to message me if you have questions about installing- i found these out through trial + error so i can trial and error porting over some browser shims i guess

[monggay]

holy fucking shit you guys. um. i came across. a treasure trove. of um, my past self. came across an old group chat w some friends back when i was like, 12-13, and. holy shit.

good news: apparently i did use to be somewhat talkative and not quite as anxious to talk and interact ! i used to be able to carry conversations! not well or inawkwardly but very much plenty! i used to be able to talk and joke around without taking a million psychic damage just trying to send a message and even just saying whats on my mind carefree without being anxious that itll be weird or that they didnt want me to say that or that i didnt have to scramble for words or be unable to come up with quips or anything to reply other than just 'lol' or 'lmao'!! i feel like these days i only know how to talk and word things in a given or meme way aka all my vocabulary is just. tumblr memes.

bad news: holy fucking shit i was so cringe. like. on another level. on levels unimaginable. i was straight up just. weird. you know, horny preteen discovering sex jokes and crude language and sex humor for the first time? straight up had no filter, loved to ramble, except also had zero social sense still and rambled to a weird and overly and uncomfortable degree where it was just awkward and often said things that just. made the conversation weird? i embraced that weirdness and like, good on me i guess, but i think i just usually ended up saying things? blurting anything on my mind, that well. technically arent bad? or seriously fucked up or anything but just like. will probably haunt me for the rest of my life if i look at it now.

also like. i dont remember any of it ??????? i vaguely remember a Few conversations, but a lot of it? just straight up. unfamiliar to me who the fuck is that i dont remember saying any of that shit that past me is so fundamentally different and alien to me i literally dont recognize or remember anything i did then anymore

apparently i was just a giant nerd who read way too much smut and was just a little too unashamed and had very little sense of appropriateness which yeah i get given my age then its that. age of you know. just got exposed to people being vulgar, recently transitioned to high school from elementary, which is probably like. a way more. fucked up thing that people realize sometimes. cause in elementary i always thought i was still like you know. a little kid. but going into high school (which is younger than in US hs, at 12 y/o) youre suddenly treated or like, expected? to be older? more knowleadgeable? you know that thing about how kids these days are all trying to be adults now and how theres really no more media like the disney teenage live shows that separate little girl to grown lady? i think that jut like, hit me a lot in 7-8th grade + the introduction of nsfw shit and fandom and the internet (cause like. i did not have internet in elementary school, At All. and then suddenly in high school i was supposed to have a messenger account for school, i had a phone, i could use the laptop, i think i had a weird relationship w the internet then, cause at that point all my friends were already exploring facebook and posting etc, but i was so anxious and shy about that already that i just never started (which like, continues to today, i still dont use fb at all, cuase it feels so weird and awkward to start now when i was so adamant against not using it in the past) aaaand ive lost my train of thought and the point of this sentence

[slightly-gay-pogohammer]

As a non homestuck, what deos that mean👀

ough i wanted to be vague and quick but no i wasn't im so sorry fnsdmag tw for transphobia mostly i guess

homestuck ends. it's a somewhat open ended ending and they dont show the "proper" final battle, but it was implied in the comic already how it was going to go. a lot of people remained disappointed in that, but i personally think its a good one

people keep pestering hussie, creator of the comic, to continue the story

hussie, well known troll (haha) who more often than not both praised and made fun of the fandom directly in the comic, writes the epilogues. they're mostly awful and they're the umpteenth big fuck you to the fandom really; one is the "shipping" ending where everything goes bad bc everyone focuses only on shipping, the one is the "fighting" ending where everything goes bad and everyone fucking dies basically. it has some good ideas, there's more fourth wall breaking, but overall its an inconsistent sexist and misoginistic mess made out of spite by someone who clearly didn't want to work on homestuck anymore

it also features character assassination, be it "this character who's entire plot was about not wanting to be alone anymore is now a sex-crazed maniac who doesnt take no as an answer", "this character who was groomed all her life to be a dictator actually becomes hitler" or "this character who a lot of people hc as mtf is now ftm, but specifically in a timeline, in the other they still identify as female". you could argue it's bc the story is about one of the characters having a villain arc and managing to take control of the story and rewrite them, but he's also regressed to be someone who's obsessed with a character we were told he wasn't in love with anymore AND also says transphobic stuff so.

hussie actually opens the epilogues with one of the character saying pretty clearly that they're "beyond canon", and makes sure that everyone known that anything written outside of the comic itself, including sidecomics, videogames and the epilogues themselves, is as canon as you want it to be. unfortunately homestuck fans cant read and that + the fact that the epilogue end in a cliffhanger, homestuck 2 has to happen

hussie wants nothing to do with it and leaves the project to someone else. they give little to no details of the plot if not a few plotpoints, one of which being the fact that a character must be named yiffany

one of the people who was supposed to work on hs2 and the tie-in visual novel games "friendsim" starts fights with readers on twitter and is later on outed as a really bad person of the biphobic and ableist variety

on a minor note, some updates are patreon exclusive, and not in a "they'll eventually be posted" way, but in a "either you follow the patreon or you dont get the whole experience" kind of way

the story also has to follow the aformentioned sexist transphobic racist bullshit, to which they add terribly written "bury your gays" plot and also cheating!! no matter the timeline my girl kanaya gets shafted and cheated on and by now im gonna be real it really smells like lesbophobia in here

also futa jokes. like we all agree that the candy jade situation is fucked up right

in all of this, "what pumpkin" actually starts drama with a youtuber or something. idk. it's the team that sells the hs merch it's even more complicated. oh and also the videogame being so delayed that's a whole can of worms too.

anyway hussie actually says that they dont give a shit no more about homestuck and sell the rights to someone else. first thing we're told is that they're going to drop the 2 from the title of homestuck 2, turning it into homestuck: beyond canon. pretty much openly saying that no, this has nothing to do with homestuck, and it's officially Not Canon.

[kittycowboy]

Im worried that ive gone so long without irl friends that I dont know how to actually make them anymore. The last friends I made irl were in kindergarden and first grade, and I kept them until my sophmore year of hs. Ig I made others but we always fell out of contact within a few months. Im always too formal or too casual with them. I cant gauge how theyll teact until after I do and then its just. ugh. It feels like I have to put on a show its so fucking annoying.

I hate it. I did so well with my friends until last year. I kinda resent them for abandoning me. They got closer with ppl in the theater department. Ugh.

Its been. Two years now without actual friends irl to talk to. I hung out with one person but realized I kinda hate being around her so I stopped. I think im unapproachable. I try to be really nice but ig it doesnt rlly matter if theres no one talking to me to be nice to. ugh. Whatever. Whatever.

Its annoying being reminded of it. When I get bored in weekends I just sit and scroll on my phone. I cant go to the mall or see a movie with friends. Because I dont have any. When I make too many cookies I have to eat them all or throw them oit because I dont have friends to give them to. My mom asked if I had any friends that might enjoy some extras we had the other day. What am I supposed to fucking say. No I dont. I dont have anyone irl I can do anything with or give anything to so stop asking. ugh.

I love my family and im really lucky to have such great parents but it sucks having to do everything alone or with them. I want to see the ghibli fest with my friends not with my mom. A new cat cafe opened near me and you have to have someone above 18 with you if ur a minor. Im young for a senior since my birthday is in July so a lot of ppl around me are 18. But the only ones I know are my parents. I want to go to the mall or walk around this market street near me. Its boring to go alone and I dont want my parents there either. So I dont go.

Im running out of things to do. The bookstore is way too expensive compared to online. 20$ more in person isnt worth it. The library is nice but I cant do much there. Ive read all the things that interest me. Its so annoying going to a cafe just to sit on my phone. The money isnt really worth it.

Whatever. whatever

[powerpolyculeshowdown]

hey I read the homestuck epilogues and this is the situation: in one timeline dave and karkat get together, the end.

In the other while they're still doing their will they won't they jade says that the three of them should just date each other her and dave in red-rom and her and karkat in black-rom. (and if i remember right she insinuates they they could date each other too) but they really don't have a solid conversation about the whole thing and just kinda go along with it. The three of them date for a bit before all the hs kids have a big fight about growing anti-troll politics and fascism of the government karkat gets (rightly) heated and isn't really supported so he leaves and stops talking to the other two (also starts a rebellion) so dave and jade keep dating to the point where they get married, years go by. After everything's settled a bit jade and dave join karkats rebellion, but its pretty insinuated they never talk about EVERYTHING UP THERE, and just agree politically. At a certian point after this dave has a conversation with (bc it's homestuck) Obama about everything and says that he's gay and overall is pretty miserable about the whole situation. (there's more but its a bit heavy)

since I'm on anon, I'll say, I think that there are some pretty interesting things in the epilogues (like reading bad end fic) and I think that having two timelines where things go differently and parallel is interesting, but there are a few characters like Jade (and dirk tbh), who I feel are only given one story, only one end defined mostly by their lowest. Jade is lonely and has been since the beginning of the comic, she truly seems to think that making herself part of the equation will stop dave and karkat from dancing around each other and make each of them happy. If she can do that and make herself not alone anymore then great. I don't think that it's completely out of character for one timeline, but in the other she gets put in a coma pretty much immediately, removing the opportunity for her to have a "good" end (pesterquest is actually incredible though full recommendation). I don't know, I don't think that it's completely out of character, but overall the story doesn't do jade justice: showing her at her best and not only her worst it's probably the theme that they're trying to embody with her but even then it would need to be more directly confronted.

sorry for hs dumping, the epilogues and their reaction I won't say are good... but they are fascinating

also feel free not to respond if you don't want to invite hs discourse

its ok u dont need to apologize. idk i said it before i never finished the comic, but i also didnt like anything i saw about the epilogues or homestuck 2 so might judgement is biased on what i knew about them from up to where i stopped reading, like 3 years ago. i have a bad memory and might've forgotten stuff about jade that would make that decision in character? i'll say there's a difference between an under negotiated polycule and a forced polycule. and my issue w the other ask was the implication that jade forced karkat and dave to be in a polycule with her. if that's true it feels ooc for me but maybe its not, idk, maybe if i had finished the main story i would agree. anyway this polycule gets less exciting (to me) the more i learn about it :(

[davestriderascend]

the mspa reread, pt 7

after finishing homestuck, ive been working my way progressively through the other content available on the unofficial collection. at this point, all thats left to reconsume is problem sleuth, so ill just recap my feelings about everything else in one singular post here to keep the flow going.

if youre new here, dont even worry about it. the previous parts dont matter, unless you want to read my homestuck recaps.

so heres the recap of the unofficial collection bonus material, ig

Skaianet

i was one of the few people who was there when this came out and managed to read the whole thing before it was shut down. i reread it. no further comments.

Sweet Bro & Hella Jeff, + Team Special Olympics

i am not reading either of these. ive glimpsed more than enough in passing.

The Vigil Prince

i read this but i genuinely have no idea what the fuck its supposed to be???

Ryanquest

probably the shortest thing on the site outside of the vigil prince. its pretty funny ig

Namco High

ive played a decent number of dating sims in my life, and this is my least favorite. i played through davesprites route and then resolutely decided i wouldnt bother playing any more. there are too many fucking characters, there arent really any choices, and the whole thing is just a drag. i tried looking up walkthroughs or playthroughs for the purpose of this recap, but i found nothing bc of how unpopular/how little time this game was available for. i was unfamiliar with all characters except the cousin, teh ship thing i GUESS? nad obviously the hs characters. this did not help anything. i think davesprites route was probably the most interesting one anyway.

Paradox Space

i owned this book, i think. i know when i first read the comic i read the physical version. its in storage now, so i just reread it thru the collection. its still really good. i didnt realize hussie had actually written some of the comics. its funny, and parts of it are really great bonus material or commentary on hs.

summerteen romance surprisingly enough holds up for me as both comedic genius and a surprisingly sincere commentary on hivebent and karkats feelings about it on the meteor trip. mister seven remains my favorite comic, but the last one with vriska and equius was particularly powerful, leaning into a chaotic art style that really emphasized vriskas desperation and incoherence as she lost more and more blood. it made me think of what arkham asylum by grant morrison wanted to be. in general though, there are a lot of genuinely really sweet and funny moments in the comic as a whole. i think i loved it more on my reread than i did on my first read.

Jailbreak

jailbreak is a short comic with one splitting track (with no real consequence) wherein a guy tries to escape from jail with some other guys. if i recall, this one is entirely based off of reader suggestions, so its really random and all over the place. its also very characteristic of hussies earlier era humor.

i remember loving it the first time i read it, but honestly? a lot of the jokes were just kind of distressing on my reread. the dark humor just really isnt my thing anymore i guess. its just kind of... gross now.

still, it has a lot of influence on jokes in homestuck. lord jack's entire jail sequence is like, a direct riff off of this comic. this is also where the what pumpkin joke comes from, and the porno sword. the elf saw a penis and began to cry meme is from this comic.

Bard Quest

hussies incomplete short comic. this is where she really experimented with splitting tracks. however, unlike in homestuck and jailbreak, none of them are resolved, which can result in a clunky narrative where you just have too many damn tabs open.

this is very obviously where the codpiece thing started.

Albums

once youve finished homestuck, hiveswap acts 1 and 2 ost unlock, as well as the friendsim ost, a "grubbles" album based off of the fictional hiveswap band, and the final "beyond canon" album.

Hiveswap OST

im a sucker for the hiveswap soundtrack, absolutely. act one especially is fantastic. but the real highlight of this album is toby and james's track commentary. they bicker back and forth and joke around in the notes, and honestly, its fucking hysterical. act 2 is also good, but it doesnt have any of the commentary.

The Grubbles

its good! it has a nice, consistent sound, and the tracks are pretty solid. its very short, though, and i dont have a ton to say about it.

Friendsim OST

the reality is that everything james roach makes is pretty fire. some of the commentary on this albums really interesting, also. i really like M O I S T and >tfw another james roach song, i think theyre some of the most powerful tracks in terms of atmosphere. however, service car is definitely my favorite. its just so funky.

Beyond Canon

something i think is interesting about beyond canon is that its largely new artists. in all of the previous hs albums, you got the sense that a lot of the musicians knew each other and worked together or listened to each others work, and as a result, you really see them build off of each other. there are so many repeating sounds and motifs, with people constantly remixing each others works, or sticking to similar themes in instruments or sounds- ie; favoring piano in songs about john, whatever. theres a distinct sound to those early albums where you listen and youre like, oh yeah, this is a homestuck album.

i dont get that with beyond canon. it doesnt reference any older stuff. these arent recognizable artists whove influenced homestuck for ages. its all new.

robert j, one of like four returning artists, says this in the track commentary:

about five months ago i was contacted to be a part of the homestuck 2 music team and was told the lowdown: it was a clean slate, and a chance to establish the musical rockbed for homestuck 2 going forward. no quotes of hs1 songs whatsoever, but we'd be making new songs TO quote

which pretty much backs up everything i said. and i get the purpose of something like this, but it does present a challenge for new musicians because theyre working without the same base for nostalgia. the fact that there isnt a ton of really distinct musical diversity in this album, with a lot of it relying on a very electronic sound to the point where i originally thought the album was themed, rather than a supposed new start for this new era of homestuck, also may be challenging when moving forward with new albums.

idk. its a fine album, the songs are fine, but nothing about it really sticks out to me.

Final Thoughts

anyway, all thats left now is to reread problem sleuth, and then i can uninstall this massive fucking thing. i might replay the games, or reread the post canon stuff eventually, but the light is shining at the end of the tunnel at last

[daedalusdavinci]

im just gonna spitball fic ideas here bc i dont have any rn and i wanna see if this helps me brainstorm

i kinda feel like writing bruharv, but i also feel like i write literally so much bruharv all the time and im kind of sick of being That Guy? it feels like im incapable of doing anything else or something. but i also dont really have any concrete ideas besides vague feelings that are about as coherent as mashing two barbie dolls together and saying “now kiss”

on that note though, i could revisit bruharv as it stands in the jdau, but i dont think theres a lot to say right now. i think i covered it all in lost days. there probably wont be more to say about it until after jason tells them hes back, and then itll be getting into more of the [spoilers] betrayal stuff and harvey and 2f taking the confession completely differently from bruce and how that feeds into the divorce arc and how insufferable they are. btu i still havent really figured out how i want to write jason telling harvey and 2f in particular, and i kinda think i dont want to write it, and just want to skip forward until after? the dick and jason fic was almost impossible to write particularly bc of shit im going thru irl rn and ik that fic would be harder. maybe ill just do that and pick up with a fic of what their relationship is starting to shape into post rh. should proooobably finish reading damians comics first tho and maybe some of cass’s (i might not bother reading any n52 ones, given that almost everything so far has been 100% preboot characterizations)

on a DIFFERENT note but still bruharv related, i could indulge that little voice in the back of my head that wants me to dig my fingers into full on btas characterization with judge and hardac!bruce and the full mess. i dont know what id do with it though i just have a lot of feelings about both of them

setting aside all of that,

im still thinking about that detective eddie/brce au. i just picked up a bunch of detective books from the library yesterday so ill probably read those over the weekend and then maybe ill finally hammer out some kind of plot. but thats not gonna be until this weekend and in the meantime ??? i have a lot of thoughts about like the kinds of people they are and the kinds of characters and the bakcground characters in this au but no plot and augh. maybe i should bend someones ear and just rant characters for a while and see what happens

i also mentioned ages ago that i was thinking abt a pjo au where nico brings jason bck from the dead and leo is heavily involved and shit and i still think that that would be sick asf but id have to reread all of pjo to do it probably and rn my reading list consists of detective novels, then asoue, THEN maybe pjo, so god honestly knows when/if ill get around to it. its also like. when i came up w this idea i was in a place where the vibes w my writing was very much melancholy and bittersweet and heavy on the death and rn im uhhh not in that place as much anymore im struggling to figure out what direction i want to go in instead

maybe ill go back to my roots andjust start writing fluffy pjo fics again. REALLY return to the roots. just garbage nonsense fics. idk.

i wish i had the braincells to write something hs but i dont and i havent in ages and theres a million reasons for that but ill probably try and reread a few of my older fics soon and well see what comes out of that

anyway thats about where my head is at rn lolll i dont expect anyone to have read this but if you have thoughts i wouldnt mind hearing them it helps to feel like im not talking to air sometimes

[golbrocklovely]

I think you are softly spoken - quiet even - until you're around people you're super comfortable with. Then i think you can get a little louder, but not by much. I get the impression that you go out of your way to listen intently to whomever is speaking and you dont interrupt them while they're are speaking. I think you treat people the way you wished you had been treated. Accent? I keep thinking of you as an east coast person. Not a strong Boston type accent or anything. But you would sound different from my Wisconsin accent. Appearance? Maybe a deep mahogany or chestnut hair colour with some waves, maybe deep brown eyes, a quick but shy smile that you try to cover up. I think you're very, very slow to anger, but once you are, it's like a firecracker. It may blow up and make a terrific momentary show but it fizzles out very quickly and you regain your chill. I think you're of short to average height, slightly curvy build but you think youre overweight because of what society or perhaps people surrounding you growing up have made you believe. I think youre the friend to everyone when they need it, but are also the friend that gets left out. I think it takes a lot for you to end any friendship because you forgive easily even if you dont forget. You give chance after chance after chance until you hit that limit. Have I got anything right?

damn… do you know me irl lol

you got a lot right, i'll give you that. but i'll clarify a couple things haha

i am quiet, i guess, to some extent. i think i'm more calculated in what i say depending on the situation. but you are right that around new ppl i'm quiet and then with ppl i'm more comfortable with i'm loud.

i do talk over ppl and sometimes i don't pay attention, but i think that's bc of my undiagnosed (but trying to get diagnosed) adhd. i have about 1000 thoughts going thru my head at any given time so sometimes i just spit stuff out in the moment bc otherwise i'll forget it (bc i also have the memory of a spoon sometimes). that's why i do well when i write. i'm able to get everything out that i want to say.

i am from the east coast, i live near philly. so i do wonder what my accent would sound like to someone that isn't from around here. hell there are ppl that are around me that have THICK fucking accents to me so i can only imagine what mine might sound like. i think mine is also a bit different bc i did theater so i overenunciate sometimes.

i do have brown hair, probably in between those two colors, but… my eyes are hazel. but they read as brown so i guess you're kinda right haha

slow to anger… debatable. i think it depends on what's happening, whether or not i'm feeling good, and the subject. i do get annoyed very easily. it takes little to nothing to annoy me lol angry tho? hit or miss.

i am short, and i am overweight. i think i wear my weight well tho.

and i'm just gonna rant about this for like two seconds so ignore this if you wanna. i got to my heaviest in college, and i was a size 18. i have since lost a decent amount of weight, and now i'm in between what i was in high school and what i was in college. tell me how i went UP a pant size and i'm now a 20. i'm like…….. did the sizing change bc i literally didn't buy clothes for a year or two??????? but something like this has happened to me before too. back when i was in middle school/hs i lost 40 lbs during the summer but i remember measuring my thighs and they got BIGGER. and that happens now anytime i lose weight. my thighs will get bigger. i dONT NEED BIGGER THIGHS ! okay sorry about that lmao

so back to your ask, i would say the last bit is definitely true, and funny enough i've never ended a friendship. ppl just… stop talking to me. so, that's usually when i get the hint that they don't want to be friends anymore. which is infuriating for a number of reasons. i would much rather someone just tell me to my face that they don't want to be friends anymore than ghost me into oblivion. like, while it would hurt for someone to tell me they don't want to be friends, at least it doesn't leave as many "what ifs" as ghosting, which i fucking HATE. i've also learned within the last couple years that i'm not gonna beg someone to be my friend. that's dumb, and we're all too old to play games like that.

ffs, i'm 27. you either vibe with the fact that i like twilight and the jonas brothers a lot or you don't lol it's not that complicated.

[moidse]

dreams

wow i just woke up from the most detailed dream that has emotionally effected me in a while.

I was working somewhere. it is hard to describe, there was a lot of computers, part of it was cave like and there was a fashion show,, and it was like we were temp living out there for the job.. anyways k*** was there and so was my hs crush b*** .... and i dont remember everything but there was this part where me k and b were all in bed together... k was trying to sleep on one side while me and b were having a heart to heart and she opened up to me.. i remember in the dream thinking how this is the most she was ever opened up to me... she was basically admitting that she likes me and has always liked me but she was too scared to do anything about it. i wish i remembered more details... i just remember it was bringing back a lot of feelings of when i first had a crush and just all that... and we were kissing... kind of a lot after having this deep conversation basically both admitting we have strong feelings for each other... we were kissing a lot and i wanted to do more..  i literally checked in with k twice to make sure it was okay... i was like is this okay or should we go to another room.. and they didnt want me to go to another room... i feel like cuz i would’ve banged ... and they said it was fine... even when i asked again... so we just made out there and it was such a rush of emotions. the whole rest of the dream i was floating on cloud 9 ... i remember i kept thinking to myself like wow, i can’t believe remaining a friend to this person and they finally do actually like me.. cuz ya kno i feel like thats a tv/movie trope almost and i was like wow it happened to me.... and i just kept feeling how special this moment was and i was like do i move temp and try being with them?? what do i do with my current relationship?? the rest of the dream i felt like this was a fairytale and then i was debating do i give this a go because im in a relationship... i remember at one point i was like holyshit i need to call saoirse and have them read tarot and help me decide. but by the end of the dream i knew i wanted to at least try to make it work. I just kept thinking this is someone i’ve had a crush on for so long... someone i go back to in the my head every now and then and think about and i always wished she liked me back and for this to happen i was like I can’t pass up this opportunity i would regret it a shitton.  so i decided i was going to explore more by the end of the dream. and by the end of the dream the job was over and we were all leaving the office space and me and k were leaving and i find b to say it was really nice talking to you and i invited her to hang with us tonight and i dont think she could but i invited basically like i wanna still be in contact and try to see you was what i was saying. (also in the dream it wasn’t even her anymore i knew it was her but why she look like my housemate kk? idk i think it was one of those things that dont make sense in your dream) idk this dream just felt so powerful. like it created such an emotional response from me.. as i was waking from it i thought to myself NOOO NOO i dont want this experience to be over :(. ..... I haven’t had a dream like this in a really long time.. like i honestly don’t remember.. 

and here is the kicker.. i was listening to chadvice before bed and there was some ppl who were asking about relationship advice that felt similar to my own thoughts and things and... i just was thinking non-stop before bed about wanting to feel more in a relationship.. just i dont feel butterflys emotionally or sexually and i haven’t in a really long time... i’ve had a wondering eye for a really long time... and just listening to their advice how im hurting the other person more and more the longer i take to say something.. its kinda like this rough pill i have to swallow.  ... and this dream was like reminding me of the emotions of having butterflys and being so swept away by someone... i miss all of those feelings and when i feel them for a moment i always feel very depressed afterwards because i know i dont feel that with k and its been so long since ive felt that and i feel so bad and depressed by it. 

i just got myself into a really bad situation because i depend on them so much since i moved here and i dont have support out here or even my own car so its hard for me to realistically think of an exit strategy. plus i will potentially lose them in my life, i will lose all of the friendships i’ve made so far here.. i will be very very alone here and without a car and i would have to find my own housing which is scary. 

I think i do resent them for taking so long to want to have sex with me... i lowkey bring it up a lot as a joke but thats because it does annoy me that it took like 8 months for them to want to have sex with me because i feel like i was holding out to see if we had this physical connection and i didnt feel it and they kept coaxing me to wait and they will be more comfortable and open to more soon ... and i just kept waiting and waiting ... and things have gotten better slowly.. very slowly ... and i just know deep down they can never be like as good as things have felt for me.. and part of it is this process.. i am annoyed that i have been doing this so long.. i want to feel confidently in love and fully attracted to someone... like i know this isn’t healthy but i also feel stuck and dependent on them. I also have a deep fear of being single so i get it. 

[slurmware]

i never got into hs (i read far enough to get into space i think? but not far enough to know wtf is going on) but a long time ago i watched a hs amv to how far weve come by matchbox20 and i will always associate it with hs now

thats valid!! hs is hella complicated my friend

and holy shit i remember that 1... or at least the lyricstuck.... I remember when that was being put together and I almost signed up to do it but i never did :(

[wistfulvulpine]

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[shadowi8]

I had an internal conflict regarding FS 2 yesterday morning and wrote something about it. I guess I should warn you that it has spoilers(?

And it's pretty long too

I did this to feel better and take it off of my chest so yeah, you dont have to read it if you dont want to

I remember that the first day I saw it everything was fine. The problem started after the scene where MakoHaruRin are lying by the pool that was conveniently in a cafe(?

I thought something was wrong because the spoilers had me thinking some specific things were to happen

After that I couldn't enjoy it one bit anymore. Yes, I made jokes and everything, like normal, but I felt something strange. More than anything my problem was with Makoto. Like something in him didn't quite fit me.

On the way home I thought how sad it was that Makoto's dialogue had clearly been curtailed. And that distracted me so much that I couldn't process the rest.

I even mentioned this to my friend, and she told me that she didn't see anything, but it was because she was fixated on Rin.

I got discouraged because that problem with Makoto kept bothering me, and after thinking and thinking, I realized that I couldn't even enjoy the rest of the movie just because of this.

So I saw it the next day too, because I couldn't stay like this. Free! it's everything for me and I couldn't feel so bad about the ending because of something I attributed to the influence of spoilers.

Her, the one badly obsessed with an anime of men swimming and of dubious sexual orientation.

The second time I saw it, I really enjoyed it. I pushed all the spoilers and expectations as far from my mind to see if I could see something else. And I did.

It's not perfect, of course not. It has some things that made me say ah:

The fact that Rin told Haruka that he admired him again.

Getting Albert's father visiting Iwatobi.

The very subtle glimpse of Ryuji's friend whose name I don't remember.

That Ryuji said that he was going to save Kaede, but then nothing happens

The lack of more background for Rei, Nagisa and Gou.

That clear lack of dialogue from Makoto. This, more than anything, is the one that makes me feel the saddest even now.

I also missed Kisumi 🥺 I didn't appreciate you bb when i had you

BUT there were a lot of things I enjoyed as well:

The scenes in which they appear in the cinema (ironic) are very cool.

Haruka healing his inner child who has always been hurting for many reasons touched me a lot.

Especially because Haruka is my baby, my child, my little boy 😫🥺 Also, I saw people saying that this one or that one is the villain, but for me the final boss, the real villain of Haruka is Haruka. Blessed be KA who at least sent him to rehab because I've been wanting him to go for YEARS to therapy because Haruka is anything but fine, without discussing if he is depressed or not, or if he is autistic or not, or if he has whatever. He is wrong and let's leave it there.

The fact that Makoto told Haruka that "the you who is free is the one I like the most" was also very nice for me

It's not like Haruka reacted by blushing or something, but at least I saw that it stuck in his mind and that means to me that it's something important.

The fact that Rin went all pissed off to argue with Ryuji for putting Haruka to rest and then Ryuji told him all the bad things he have been doing to his face was satisfying for me. I love Rin, cute boy, but sometimes he does really stupid things and someone needed to put a "stay still" on him and I'm so glad he thought it over(? Although we go back to the fact that he told Haruka that he admires him when it's something we already knew. But then we have Haruka who realizes that okay, Rin left him traumatized, but he also taught him several things

I like how everyone always had Haruka at an altar and everyone said he was a "Hero", but we see that he is not. Haruka is as human as any of them and I like that it's not just one of them (as was the case with Asahi in HS when Haruka passed out) the one to notice

And it is when everyone tries to return the favor not only out of moral duty(? To settle accounts(? But out of genuine love for him (as a friend or partner you decide I am not going to discuss this in this post or in any other) that my heart was crushed.

Haruka is a bit like Makoto. He's not fully aware of the positive effect he has on people or how cool he is, and I don't think he cares either (? As long as he's not having a negative effect on others he's fine (?

I liked that the relay was Sou, Rin, Ikuya and Haruka. It's as if Haruka is closing cycles with his biggest problems (including him because he is the BIGGEST of his problems. Give him therapy and let him go)

I liked the scene of Makoto giving him the last push

I really liked Ryuji as a character, although he also needs therapy.

I liked that Haruka finally found his way to himself and got his freedom. Taking breaks from competitions is very important and intelligent to me

I liked that it ended with Haruka and Rin because for me they will always be the protagonists. And that they finally, FINALLY, are in good terms is everything

Ikuya and Rin winning medals. Sousuke swimming again and competing with Rin. Natsuya proud of his little brother

And yes, I even liked that Asahi had bumps in his career as an athlete. Maybe I would have liked to see a little more, but yes. No matter how hard you try or how talented you are, sometimes it's not enough.

I liked the scenes with the grandmother although they are not as great a thing. I liked the detail of the misangas (?

I liked that Haruka was finally independent of everyone, except himself xd but hey, you can't do much with that

I liked that they showed Haruka's letter that he made together with Rei, Nagisa and Makoto in high school

Perhaps it is more of the same as the other productions, but I am a simple woman to please.

I also want to clarify that I miss the best time distribution of each character a bit. But it doesn't bother me that much either, except for the Makoto thing in FS 2

Damn it 😫 I knew they were going to reduce Makoto's dialogues, but I still got sad

I know Tatsu wasn't right, but I don't feel like he should be punished either. No more than they divorced him at most 👀 but nothing is up to us qjbdns

Anyway I enjoyed every second I saw my love Makotito. Makoto could be only on the cover and I would adore him as if the whole movie was just him (? but I also feel that Makoto's scenes are still important to Haruka.

I think I did like it a lot, I could even say that I loved it but it's hard to me to accept that it's the end, and I have to be honest that I was expecting even more from this movie regarding some characters (Gou, Nagisa, Rei, Ryuji and his friend, and of course Makoto)

But no, i dont want another movie nor season. Maybe I can accept an OVA or something but it must be centered on Nagisa, Gou, Rei, Ryuji, Kaede and Albert.

For me, I cant say it is perfect, but it's really good. I loved it, I enjoyed it but I still have to process some things about it. It's a good end, i believe

This helped me to feel i little bit better about all this end thing.

I still miss my boys and loved them, and I love Free!

[cutemeat]

wait as a newish fan can you tell me how / why rob is misogynist? (like besides his weird things on the podcast lol idk if theres more) and also who is jordan lol

ok im gonna say first of all i was mostly just joking in those tags ur referring to KJNFGDKJ just as full disclosure before I dig into this any further. ..

that being said, me joking abt that stuff in regard to rob is bc it just seems like rob is insecure about how he's contributed to a shitty system and really screwed someone (jordan reid, aka the original Sweet Dee) over personally and after being made more aware of his place in contributing to said system he's overcompensating while he's working thru some of that.... and uh. in all honesty it's something that i find funny and make jokes about cuz i am also someone with an extremely fragile ego n it feels good to deflect and make fun of someone else for having a fragile ego LOL

so it seems like rob's talking on the podcast and in other interviews abt misogyny n trying to 'correct' himself or pulling out that fuckin button on the podcast for 'Solves the North Korea Situation'.... i think this ties into him reconnecting with Jordan (who, like i said, was the og sweet dee who got booted from the production at the last minute largely as result of her n rob breaking up n none of the other guys backing her up...) and basically writing the MQ ep A Dark Quiet Death about that whole situation and the falling out.. idk it just seems like. maybe having to reconcile the fact he has been A Part Of The Problem and an asshole has gotten to him n again it feels like he overcompensates for that in the pod n i like to exploit those insecurities im familiar with in my own ways for laughs LOL. but yknow... i am a 20 yr old unemployed HS drop out on tumblr dot com n hes got a nice mansion and successful career in the film industry so i dont feel like im gonna hurt any feelings here..

so with all that context out of the way: i dont think rob is Actually some raging misogynist ... and if he is I wouldn't know either way cuz I Dont Know The Guy! so def take what I say here with a grain of salt I am very often not being serious and bad at using tone indicators so I do apologize if any of it gets confusing kjndfgkjd. he def has been misogynistic in the ways a lot of men will be without rlly thinking much of it (think dennis' obliviousness to how insane some of his logic about women sounds on sunny, but maybe less predatory but again idk the guy lol) but as of now he seems like he's more aware of that n better late than never n all that!

(once again.. a lot of my opinions here are mostly based in my own experiences and emotions projected onto people and situations I have only heard accounts of in articles/blog posts/podcasts n interviews so def keep that in mind. don't take me as the authority on anything lol. google 'jordan reid' + 'always sunny' and read thru her old blog posts about the situation if u are so inclined and draw your own conclusions! but like i said it's a mostly interpersonal thing between two ppl i dont know and it doesnt seem like there's much bad blood on that interpersonal level anymore rather than anger with a system that failed her. that being said its def a part of the shows history that shouldn't just be forgotten or discarded as it is apart of a larger issue anyway. srry this is all so messy if it wasnt obvious by how badly i am at talking abt this stuff i feel weird talking about strangers lives even celebs but yknow. tbh if i wanna make jokes abt this shit i should be prepared to explain myself anyway. like god im so bad at talking abt any of it seriously but i always wanna know all the dirt cuz I'm so fuckin nosy I love drama n gossip and Backstory!!!)

+ this is an older article that sorta sums up the events n links to her blogpost about it!