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#i fear she will get ill from it
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i am slowly being injured by the act of emailing my professor like i am in minecraft being poisoned. just going ough ough ough ough u know
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harvestmoth · 6 months
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more rejuv things but its. its just this guy again, im sorry shes all i can draw
#everyday im like i wanna draw :] and then i just end up with this thing on the page#i refuse to draw hands holding. because i cannot and im too lazy to figure it out#oh yea a couple of these i havent posted before because theyre lame to me but ill put them here for now#anyways!!#i was gonna say something about a couple of these but i forgot#oh well#pokemon rejuvenation#does she. lose her ribbon in blacksteeple. i forgot#she still has it to me..#to me her c15 hair tie is a torn part of the ribbon#anyways again. yesterday i finally figured out what the rejuvrp is. very cool stuff im so incredibly intrigued by it#i have no idea whats going on! but it looks so cool ill try to read it more later.#oh right again about the rejuvrp thing. the character designs ive seen are so so so cool i want to draw them so bad#i think i have to ask about that first though and there is! no way i am going to do that!!! i do not want to bother them#and i think my heart would explode from the fear of it all before i even typed the message.#that and im very lazy! theres a very good chance i wouldnt even draw it in the first place#anyways unrelated but i think if i get another comment from someone on something i Will Actually Explode.#i see someone said something and it kills me on the daily. what is happening... thank you.. i appreciate it very much...#sorry to whoever read all of that. um. hi youre really cool and i hope you have a good day/night#i think being on twitter has done something to me i have to leave it immediately. anyways back to twitter#wait actually i should go back to playing rejuv. im still in the grove from when i first posted the gym leader melia au. im afraid to leave#also play pokemon rejuvenation no i will not stop saying that everytime i post one of these
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queencaramilflinda · 9 months
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Listen I understand why some people disagree bc I love them as characters but personally I don’t particularly want another full season with the Bad Kids. I will watch it if they do one, but I feel like not only have the characters reached the natural conclusions of their arcs, the Intrepid Heroes have all grown so much as players from when Fantasy High came out like 5 years ago that I think it would feel a bit disingenuous. Like Ally had never played D&D before Fantasy High, and Kristen was played accordingly. Ally even said in Starstruck “no more bumbling Kristen shit”
All that being said I wouldn’t mind a short season (up to 10 eps) for junior/senior year or for the IH to do live shows of the characters. I would love a cross over season between Fantasy High and the Seven or even PirOL, I think that could be fun.
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hella1975 · 10 months
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all hate to tiktok for taking 'having a space to more openly and actively talk about different cultures' to mean 'cultures are NOT to be shared and we must be vigilantly defensive of our cultures for fear of appropriation, a word that can be applied to any multicultural interaction'. like of course cultural appropriation is a very real problem but ive seen with the access to global multicultural conversation that tiktok provides it's made people TERRIFIED to even interact with cultures other than their own for fear of 'doing it wrong'. like at some point you have to acknowledge that in the real world of the great outdoors, the majority of people are eager to SHARE their cultures. yes there are ignorant questions and biases but also... how do you think those things get unlearnt? i dont understand how deciding that multiculturalism is an elephant in the room instead of a normal thing that should just be talked about and lived with is supposed to benefit anyone? and kids on tiktok are CONVINCED that it's a time bomb of a conversation to have and therefore must be avoided at all costs but like. people generally LOVE their home and their culture and are PROUD of it and want to share it. how have we made it so that showing genuine interest and a desire to understand something so integral to a person's identity is now feared and borderline demonised?
#thinking about this a lot lately. thinking about how fun it was comparing cultural differences in america#thinking of how when i was homesick one thing i found a great comfort in was talking about my home#and how it differed and i really loved and appreciated it when people would ask me about england#in a way that they genuinely just wanted to learn about it and not to take the piss#thinking about how the kitchen at work has chefs from all over europe. we have an irish chef and a spanish chef and an italian chef#and one of the kps is from eastern europe (i havent actually been able to find out where yet) etc and the way they banter with each other#like usually chefs are Problematic bc their humour is VERY abrasive and usually offensive#but this is one instance where it's actually to their benefit bc they're so unafraid to ADDRESS THE FACT THEY HAVE DIFFERENT CULTURES#i feel like the tiktok gen are so petrified of even acknowledging other cultures let alone discussing them#that it's actually sending the conversation backwards. like how does hoarding your culture and pretending it's not there benefit anyone#LET ALONE YOU AND THE CULTURE IN QUESTION. idk it just baffles me a bit that something that started as people on tiktok#genuinely spreading information and talking about the BAD side of this where people DO culturally appropriate or invade spaces that arent#theirs has now become 'for fear of speaking bad about it we will not speak about it at all'. and they'll crucify you if you do. like what#even at uni my best mate is indian and she's too scared to join the sikh society on her own so i regularly go to the events with her#and im typically one of the handful (or the only) white non-sikh there and i get SO welcomed each time#like there's such a genuine excitement to share the culture with someone who is effectively a blank slate#and like yeah ill ask 'dumb' questions or i'll have different experiences (tried a samosa for the first time at one of these events#and the moment that info got out i had like five STRANGERS trying to give me different samosas to try and it was genuinely such#a laugh bc yes they were TEASING me bc 'how have you never had one' but they were also really eager to share MORE as a result)#ugh idk what im saying. i just think it's a shame to watch this happen in real time on the internet#when if people would just go outside and actually TALK to people from other cultures they'd realise 9 times out of 10 the interactions#are actually really really nice for BOTH parties. and actually refusing to talk about this stuff is long-term pretty fucking detrimental#and it also goes the other way!!! like imagine if i - citizen of colonisation motherland herself - didn't interact with other cultures#and didnt ask questions or hear their opinions on whatever shared history we have from THEIR POINT OF VIEW#imagine the kind of shit id be internalising bc i only hung out with other white british people. it wouldnt matter if i was doing it#to be woke or 'respect their culture'. it would still be fucking ignorant. like half my interactions with other cultures#see me as the butt of the joke bc of this like aforementioned irish chef at work VOCALLY slates the english all the time#but it's done in an environment where we're FRIENDS and it's poking fun at each other while still addressing a very serious history. like??#idk if any of this is worded in a way that makes sense but yeah. i have thoughts#cant believe i got inspired to make an actually serious post bc of the CHEFS AT WORK. embarrassing. no one let them see this
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stergeon · 5 months
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at some point i will figure out how to write the post-canon, post-empire edelgard autonomy fic of my dreams. it just feels like a very big task and maybe like with playing the dane, i’m simply not old and traumatized enough to manage it yet.
but my vision is thus: it’s set years (realistically, decades) after the end of crimson flower, when everything has gone as right as it can possibly go. fódlan is thriving. the social reforms have taken effect. the nobility system is nearly eliminated, if not entirely so, with titles made merely symbolic. social mobility, welfare, and prosperity are high. there’s an explosion in arts and culture and technology. brigid and duscur have gained independence; relations with sreng and almyra are much improved; heck, maybe they've even figured it out with dagda. in my most idealistic version, leicester and faerghus would eventually be ceded back to become autonomous regions, essentially disbanding the adrestian empire. rule is no longer hereditary, but merit-based. there's a roadmap for the future, and everything is on track—and more than that, people at all points on the power spectrum have already seen it bear fruit. with or without edelgard, it will be pursued. there's buy-in. they believe.
of course, it's not perfect—nothing can be—but edelgard's vision has been fulfilled. the people are empowered. humanity is free. fódlan has healed.
and somehow, she's had enough time to resolve her goals outside of politics, too. those who slither in the dark have been eradicated. edelgard and lysithea's second crests have been successfully removed, allowing them to live if not full lives, then substantially longer ones than they would have with their twin crests intact. who knows—maybe she finally gets around to having that wedding.
point for point, every item listed in edelgard's manifesto has been checked off. the ghosts of her past have been laid to rest. she can finally take off her crown. she can finally pursue the quiet, humble life she's wanted for so long. she can finally breathe.
... but can she?
edelgard is nothing if not driven. her intelligence, vision, and sheer willpower allowed her to plan and execute a revolution against two countries and the most powerful institution on the continent, all while she was still a teenager. as royalty, her life was never truly hers even before she became heir to the adrestian throne, with all the additional baggage of survivor's guilt and the desire for vengeance and her need to ensure nothing that happened to her can ever happen to anyone else, ever again.
so what happens when that drive has no outlet? what happens when someone who has been constantly in motion, constantly working and planning and preparing every spare second of every day since she was fourteen years old, suddenly has to stand still? what happens when someone whose hands have been bound for so long—first literally in the dungeons of enbarr, then by the weight and responsibilities of her crown—is set free?
being edelgard, she would step away from the throne, no matter how hard it was for her to give up control. she's always been focused on the endgame, and she knows that if she doesn't let go, she'll be setting the wrong tone for fódlan's future. she's too devoted to that endgame to cling to power much longer than she needs to, though i could see her making some excuses and trying to iron out just a few more things to buy herself some more time to mentally prepare before she's done for good.
but who would she be then? who is the woman without the crown? what becomes of a machine once it is no longer needed, when it has made itself obsolete? what about when that machine is a person with legs and arms and an innate unwillingness to gather dust on a shelf?
what happens when you get everything you want? what happens when all your wanting has been for others to thrive, and now you have to want only for yourself? how do you discover who you are when you've spent decades being everything for everyone else? how do you find meaning again? how do you find purpose?
after a lifetime of devotion and passion and movement, how do you learn to sit with yourself, and be quiet, and be still?
gosh, i would love to meet her. i would love to pick her brain. but boy, i do not envy the work that girl has to do.
#sterge.rtf#fire emblem#fe3h#edelgard von hresvelg#realistically edelgard is not getting all of this done in her lifetime. but that wouldn't keep her from stepping away anyway#'cause a funny thing happened to edelgard during the crimson flower route: she learned to have faith again.#so even if she couldn't check every box and fix every societal ill she'd still be able to pass the crown to the next ruler.#maybe not without fear. but with confidence. with optimism. with the belief that she's leaving the world better than she found it.#she'd have faith in her people. faith in the future. faith in the groundwork she's laid. faith in the systems she's put in place.#faith that her vision will be carried out with or without her.#and that faith would allow her to eventually let go.#i so love edelgard pulling a george washington and saying nah i'm good on power. peace#though unfortunately i could also see her pulling a teddy roosevelt#and saying nah i'm good on power. peace. wait what are you doing. you're ruining it. you're bungling everything. i can't believe this#and making several (failed and increasingly insane) attempts to get back into politics#who is the taft to edelgard's ted tho. i don't want to do ferdinand the disservice of saying it's him even though i think it's very funny.#it's literally the opposite of his character as taft notoriously sniffed roosevelt's farts for a long time#until he finally pulled his head out of the guy's ass and realized there are other smells. such as the sewer. and garbage.#smells which he pursued quite happily much to ol ted's chagrin#meanwhile ferdinand does not think anything of edelgard's ass except that his is definitely better-looking than hers#(he's wrong on so many levels but you try telling the guy that)#in fact ferdinand has always taken great joy in pointing out all the things that smell better than edelgard does#which gives him an instant up on mr Take-Advice-From-Theodore#all this to say i think ferdinand von aegir would have been a much better president than william howard taft. that's just my opinion.#i'm getting off the rails in these tags idk what's wrong with me#sorry for equating your blorbos to long-dead american politicians everyone. i know this is a cardinal sin#also please don't take this to mean i think positively of washington or roosevelt or taft or whatever.#i hate all dead old white guys who ever held a modicum of power#i just had a hyperfixation on american presidents when i was in grade school and unfortunately now my brain works like this
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widevibratobitch · 10 days
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so what that i slept in for the exam. my voice teacher just called to talk about yesterdays concert and said some truly insane shit that made me cry again (but like. in a good way lol) so who even gives a shit lol
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aroacewxs · 3 months
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istg if the wxs community goes crickets during quagmire canary again i will become violent. kusanagi nene doesn't deserve any of you
WHERE WAS THE HYPE. WHERE WAS THE PASSION. WHERE WAS THE LOVE.
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benveydraws · 9 months
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putting these pages together for no particular reason
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mechieonu · 6 months
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FROM THE START self-love and acceptance has been one of the major themes of the series and if ANYONE could benefit from that tigress is RIGHT THERE
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anthromimicry · 28 days
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okay, but i think it is about time to talk about one of misao's fears is, because i believe that they can tell you a lot about a character and their psyche — and i came to tell y'all that the one i'm going to be talking about today is that misao fears becoming a mother / motherhood. the first reason in which why i believe this is because misao just genuinely thinks that she is not the nurturing type and that she would likely be a terrible parent to her child ( which i know is a very depressing thing to think about. but it is something that she has feared for a long time, unfortunately. ) this likely stems from a mix of misao's inability to deal with her own emotions, though, as she feels like it's better to just bottle them up and deal with them all on her own rather than the alternative. and this would be to try to confide in someone and/or get help from them should she need it. so, misao feels as if her child were to come to her needing emotional support from her, she would absolutely fail at it and the last thing she wants is to emotionally neglect someone the way she had been as a child ( p.s. of course, this was mostly just borne out of unfortunate circumstances, as i've stated before because of kaiyah's illness. though this hasn't stopped misao from feeling the brunt of the impact that it had on her. )
plus... i feel as if misao also doesn't have a lot of confidence in herself whenever it comes to the concept of always being able to put a child first, as she has a pretty negative self-image of herself deep down if i'm being honest. she sees herself as an extremely selfish person who can't even become friends with one person because she is so afraid that someone will hurt her, and in her opinion, that makes her pathetic or weak. so she doesn't feel like she'd be able to take care of a child with the amount of responsibility that is required to in order to raise them properly and protect them at the same time.
though this isn't necessarily true as misao has put up those barriers that would normally let people into her heart mostly due to trauma, and having experienced trauma doesn't make anyone weak. i just feel as if she desperately needs to remedy her self-image because it is very damaging to think of yourself like that and it would be really good for her emotional health if she were to try to ways to better cope with everything that she's experienced throughout her life. there are other reasons as well behind why misao fears motherhood while i'm talking about it, however, and these are arguably one of the more bigger ones: the act of giving birth itself and suddenly being thrust into having to not just take care of yourself, but the baby inside of you as well. which sort of makes sense whenever you connect the dots as to how many horror stories misao has heard about delivering a baby and also how much a person's experience while being pregnant can vary from others. i mean, it has been shown that some people may have more morning sickness than others and that they just don't have a very good experience with being pregnant in general, for example. but other's may be 'glowing' as they say and may find it easier to deal with.
so, you never really know what kind of pregnancy you're going to have until you actually become 'with child' as misao would call it. and the unknown aspect surrounding it scares misao more than anything. plus, as it stands now, she isn't sure whether she'd want to go through the process of giving birth as there can be a lot of complications regarding it. but there can also be so many good things about inviting a new member of the family into your home and misao feels as if it is kind of expected of her to have children so she can continue the kanade line.
but misao is just so afraid of it for these reasons that she can not see herself as a mother, even in her head. however... there is the matter of adoption that she has yet to take into account, but with how focused the jorōgumo are about having biological children, i feel as if misao hasn't even considered it to be an option for those who are afraid of giving birth and also to give a baby / child a loving home as everyone deserves one of those. but yeah. i hope that this gave y'all a little more insight into her character, as misao is scared of re-enacting her past in a way, though i feel as if you become a mother yourself... you have to separate what will be your own experience of parenthood from your parents. so, in order to overcome this fear she has, misao would have to treat it as an entirely different thing from kaiyah's experience as a mother and her own child self's experience of her as a mother.
and this is definitely possible. it would just take some work, as overcoming any kind of fear would. plus, i feel as if misao were to accept other people's help it would also benefit her, since discussing motherhood / plunging into the topic of the sometimes seemingly scary thing that is parenthood is definitely not something that you have to try to go through alone.
#ALL POWER DEMANDS SACRIFICE: musings.#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.#SOMETIMES AGAINST ALL LOGIC WE HOPE: headcanons.#yeahhh so i know that i keep on posting some pretty heavy things on my pages BUT like i said on my other acc i promise that i will give-#y'all some fluffy content after this JSJSJ but i just had to talk about this because it says a lot about her character and i don't mean tha#in a bad way or anything ofc. i just mean from like a psychological standpoint and i know that motherhood / parenthood can be such a comple#thing to talk about BUT i tried my best to cover all of the reasons as to why misao is afraid of becoming a mother and/or having another-#person to take care of in her home in general. to summarize things her negative self-image and the experience that she has as a child-#regarding how her own mother treated her (though she still VERY much loves kaiyah and knows that she can't really blame her for any of it-#bc of how severe her mental illness was) haunting her in a way as she believes that perhaps she will continue the cycle of emotional neglec#in the family. sooo yeah it is awfully complicated though when you consider that kaiyah did her best to take care of her and that's really-#all you can do as a parent. it is just a very nuanced topic for her but of course that doesn't mean that i hold the same opinion of it as-#misao since you should always separate from the character from the writer but whenever i get in her headspace i feel as if this is the best#way i could describe her fear of it.#tw: trauma.#tw: mentions of emotional neglect.#tw: discussions of pregnancy / motherhood.#tw: fear.#tw: discussions of negative thoughts.
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sherlock-is-ace · 1 month
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#i was so happy today...#i got up so excited because it's sherlock & co day#because i get to listen to it while i work#when i finishe actual work i get to draw some cool fanart i'm planning#it was all so fucking great#and not even 3 hours later i'm sitting here with tears in my eyes and pain in my chest...#remind me to never discuss my mental health with my mother never fucking again#i forgot about her WONDERFUL take of ''everyone is a little bit autistic''#and her AMAZING ''people shouldn't give name to the way people is'' (aka sexuality and how the brain works (aka being gay or being autistic#it's insane to think i come from this woman#now her FANTASTIC take that autism and adhd are diseases or illnesses#i just want to die#how the fuck could i ever possibly talk to this woman about my feelings or thoughts when this is what i'm up against#and yeah sure you could say ''educate her'' i can't! Everything i say#based on fact or sience or research or anything gets met with ''well that's your opinion. my opinion is the opposite''#and i never get to drill it into her brain that her OPINION doesn't fucking matter when there are FACTS!#she's the embodiment of the ''that's my oPiNiOn'' vine#and i fucking hate it here!!!#and maybe its true that people who say ''we're all a little bit autistic'' is because they actually ARE autistic. maybe that's true#but i fear she'll never believe it the same way she doesn't fucking believe ME#i hate this#i want to fucking die and never have to speak to another human ever again#fuck working happily while listening to sherlock & co am i right?#angel talks#personal
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kirby-souljourney-au · 7 months
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Update — Hiatus
Yeah. I’m officially putting Kirby: Soul Journey on hiatus. I can’t work on it anymore, at least for now, for a few reasons.
Honestly, I’ve lost some interest in Kirby. I do still like it, it’s still a hyperfixation, but currently I’m more focused on Hollow Knight.
I’m not as confident in my writing as I was when I started K:SJ, and my writing style has changed a lot since chapter 1’s release.
The lore for K:SJ has changed quite a bit since chapter 1’s release, and I’m not sure how to integrate the new lore into the original chapters.
Finally, there’s just so much shit happening. I’m in the middle of experiencing at least 3 traumatic events at once, and I have no idea how to process it. I am fucking exhausted and I need a break from writing for a while.
So yeah. The fic is going on hiatus into the foreseeable future. I’ll still post stuff about the AU occasionally, but not often.
Asks are still open. If you have any questions regarding the AU, send one in — I love answering questions.
Ty for understanding
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starphobe · 2 months
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fh fandom back to wishing death on a fictional teenager for being mentally ill and not learning how to cope with that in a healthy way. what else is new
#do i think klck is correct? no#do i think a fandom full of grown adults should stop holding this (manipulated) (not sound of mind) teenager to wack standards? ya#like.... some of you are... how do i say this.... ~projecting~#and dont get me wrong this isnt me trying to say shes some kind of innocent misunderstood blorbo 🥺🥺🥺#i think shes a freak and a cunt. but im going to be normal about it and NOT say that she deserves to be killed (????)#pre-overtaking she was clearly aware that her behavior wasn't healthy#the fact she even went to jawbone at all (and was honest with him!) proves that imo#personally i feel like she might be neurodivergent -> struggling with knowing which rules to break and which ones to not#we literally JUST had an episode where the principal of AAA told students to their face that studying and working hard is dumb#i think kipperlilly came to aguefort. couldn't get a grip on what they Actually wanted from her#(parents went to mumple. she couldnt have been prepared for aguefort)#and out of frustration she fixated on people who were doing well and compared herself to them#and the only major surface difference she could find? tragic backstories#it only makes sense that she'd assume that THAT is what was missing. her inability to adapt to AAA was out of her control#so instead of blaming smth abstract (neurodivergence/other mental illness)#this single. concrete. and obvious difference is way easier to latch on to#but yeah. imo she just reads as someone super neurodivergent who received No Help because she 'made do'#and when thrown into a situation that required a skillset she wasn't born with. she shut down and got defensive#noone is born wanting to die yadda yadda#i think it's very interesting that when jawbone turned the question around on her (asking what SHE could do to get better)#she got quiet and awkward#its almost like she was trying her best? and just couldn't figure out where to go next?#and OH would you look at that. jace offering her a trip to the mountains of chaos. for a ~super dangerous adventure~#🙄#anyway.#awfully convenient. isn't it.#this has been me. having takes on ms goldendoodle shibainu#goodnight everyone (its noon)#not tagging this out of fear of the *** stans out there who will not stop taking things personally
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wickershells · 8 months
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#i just dont really know what to do. my friends never express concern for me and they never tell me they love me without overt irony or some#watering down of the sentence. they never reach out when i need them and everything they say is so detached and distant and cold#and maybe im just in my head again maybe its getting to the time of year when my life routinely falls apart moreso than all the other month#but i feel so abandoned all the time. and stupid. and unloveable. my friend once told me that her love for me would erode#whenever i vanished for mental health reasons so i stopped vanishing and started instead pushing through the illness and opening up more to#her but it was too much for her to handle and all my baggage almost ended our friendship so here i am vanishing again except this time with#the debilitating knowledge that every day she loves me less and less and less. if i am not there she stops loving me and if i am she stops#loving me. what do i do. my illness takes everything from me every damn thing. she wont call me but she bought a ticket to see me in januar#and i cant reconcile it. shes visiting her girlfriend and its the same price to come over here too so i guess why not. its not really#for me. we dont have plans to do anything for my birthday and i doubt she will offer and i dont want to be the one to do so like last year#i want someone to love me without me asking them to. i want to be able to trust people without having it broken. i want to feel like an#equal and not so inferior all the time. i'm not her best friend anymore. she doesnt tell me personal things she doesnt share everything#she used to with me. i try and try to start doing the things we used to but she doesnt do them. i shared my location again but she didnt#share hers. so i stopped again and she didnt even ask me why. she has not asked if im okay in weeks. if i vanished forever i dont think#she would even notice. i cant see her mourning the loss of me. i dont think i matter that much to her. and it is so painful#with both of my best friends i watch them gladly do things with other people and never do things with me unless i beg. i am constantly#excluded from their lives i am the outsider friend. and it is so damn lonely. and every time i'm presented w the opportunity to make new#friends i'm paralysed w fear because how many times have i lost people. i'm either too little or too much or both at once. constantly absen#or constantly sad and it's poisonous i feel poisonous. i'm not fit for community despite how desperate i am for it i just feel perpetually#undeserving. and so stupid and unsuccessful in comparison to them. i'm too much effort to be around and i get why i really do#even this it's just so much heaviness all the time i am such a burden. they just don't love me as much anymore. love lost#added to my family baggage and my dead childhood dog and the nothingness of my future i just can't see myself continuing i don't know what#to do. my parents don't support me my friends are never there the nhs is a joke i am actually genuinely alone lol#what if i can't recover. some people are destined not to. what if that's me. what if i am never happy. i'm never going to accomplish#anything i'm stuck here. stagnant and unmoving. the most disposable and useless person alive#sorry. will delete later as usual. but for reasons stated above i have nowhere else to put these thoughts#and i am drowning in them#vent
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mifunebooty · 8 months
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Really funny this white dude in my speech class group i remember he kept making eye contact with me and i was like does he like me um and turns out he did that with everybody white people weird
#cherry says#anyways fun inside GOD THAT SEMESTER WAS STICKY my mom could not take unemployment well#me i got used to the cycle of looking for jobs getting nothing then stop looking bc my mom said dont worry about it ill pay the bills#i did that over and over and with film jobs id just look at texas film commission sometimes just to look#but i myself got used to the job hunting so i felt zoned out from it yet#that area felt as much a daydream as my wanting to go make a movie i didnt think i wanted to tell myself that#especially because i still was doing acting looking for acting#but yeah there was times my mom would make violent fits she would wonder what was happening#i think those times revealed a lot of the weird complexity of our relationship after high school#i didnt pity her but i did feel like i owed her something i believed so many things she told me#i feel like she wanted me to see her work as a sacrifice so i must do this and that but it was way deeper#parental love became a fucking duty to show it that was just it i did what she said#to at the same time comfort myself when i had no job and maybe even to comfort myself for being scared#i think tbh i need to face that past action that i was scared i was scared of reality even if it was a reality she talked of#i was scared of growing up and didnt wanna think about it i was scared of the future in 2 months when class ended#so maybe my mom with no job suddenly presented the risks we were all taking#maybe it made me more scared of what was to be on the outside#somebody who put fear in my head who said dont worry u study i work and that was gone#perhaps i shouldve taken that opportunity to realize NOTHING LASTS.#YOUR MOTHER WHO ALWAYS MADE IT SOUND LIKE THE WORLD WAS CONTROLLED AND PREDICTED BY HER IS AS VULNERABLE AS YOU NOTHING LASTS#but i didnt i instead became the punching bag again the quiet good girl and kept on thats a lot to swallow even more
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july-19th-club · 2 years
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i think it's my own if-i-can't-see-it-it-doesn't-exist excatholic sensibilities but when it comes to the paranormal elements of yellowjackets i'm one hundred percent taissa. why can't lottie just be a kid lost in the woods without the means to control her mental illness, latching onto whatever feels realest in the moment? why can't the cultishness that later resulted not have been all of the other kids doing the exact same thing? reaching for whatever they could eat when they needed it? why does there have to be some creepy old ghost in a cabin when the human fears and exhaustion and needs of the characters are already carrying the entire plot easily? i think in the case of yellowjackets, like so many survival dramas, adding an extra element like that winds up overcrowding the story, especially when it's already playing around with how linear it is and juggling multiple dynamic characters and actors
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