#i feel like fred from that live action scooby do movie when he was complaining abt what the media does to make someone look bad lmao

[zydrateacademy]

Velma is bad, but...

Look. The show is not good. The memes are god tier. I’m gonna keep watching it. So here’s my complex opinion on the matter. I’m not watching it through official means so HBO is not getting any ad or sub revenue from me. I don’t pirate video games, but I do movies/shows/music because it’s easier and less time consuming. I was never a massive Scooby fan. The original cartoon predates me by an entire 20 years (1969 - I was born in ‘89). I’ve always known about it, it’s been in the peripheral of my media consciousness for my entire life. I think I saw one of the Live Action movies (the 2002 one, I was still in school). I probably caught a few episodes in my cartoon watching days but I’ve never been a puzzle solver and the “whodunnit” angle never grasped me. So I don’t have the nostalgia that the rest of the world seems to have, but I recognize character assassinations when I see one.

I admit I don’t hate Velma as much as the rest of the internet seems to.

I like the art style, admittedly. However I’ve caught some brief scenes where it looked rushed and less detailed and they just went with it. I actually quite enjoy the hallucinations, though they got a little less creative in episode 3 and 4 but they were also not a major focal point of the plot in either episode. Some jokes DO land. Some. Some jokes land, and then they turn around to ruin it. When Fred was taken to trial and the family tried to play up his innocent young boy shtick, they could have milked that for some real humor but instead he got water splashed on him and they went for a pretty low-bar Hitler joke instead. It was so close to a good joke. I’m not fond of the meta humor. I don’t like it when they made a dig at “adults watching cartoons”. Like bitch, this is a cartoon marketed towards adults. Why is there contempt for your target audience? And I’m a liberal, a leftist. I can handle some digs in our direction. GTA seems to do it the best, I had a giggle at the in-universe cartoon they had of the hero “Impotent Rage!”, making fun of Democrats ability to never really get anything done. I get the joke, it’s clever, it’s satire. But when characters in media stop the plot, and turn to the camera to complain about the patriarchy or whatever it irritates me. We all know the patriarchy is a thing. How about you have something clever to say. Episode 4 is a complete derailment of the plotline just to talk about women’s empowerment through attractiveness. The whole episode is just Velma figuring out that women’s empowerment can take different forms. It’s a fine message, but brought to us in a clunky and frankly, kind of annoying method. Especially since there’s supposed to still be a murder-mystery happening. Derailment is a thing that happens a lot in episodes 3 and 4. I didn’t hate episode 3 at all on its own. The first half had a lot of jokes I had a giggle at but it was just meandering around the plot to stop and figure out what Velma’s sexuality is (still inconclusive as of episode 4). I don’t mind a slow burn romance but fucking sort your shit out, show. I am “ehhhh” on Velma. I kinda like Daphne. I’m okay with Norville. He seems to be the most consistent source of jokes that don’t turn around on themselves. But Jesus, what they did to Fred should be a media crime. It’s just one of these situations where I feel like there’s some potential quality here buried under some really dogshit writing. I will not argue for a second that this is not a good show and I don’t think there’s anything any future episodes can do to retroactively “fix” the problems already present. I feel like a season 2 might have to do some heavy lifting (because I think I read somewhere that it’s already greenlit?) I still remain somewhat fascinated by it and I’m more curious to where the plot is going if it can stop stopping itself to turn towards the camera and stop hating on literally every viewer.

[artoo-detoos]

loOK WHAT I FOUND ON MY EXPLORE PAGE ON INSTAGRAM

(rant under read more haha, not that i think i need to defend myself just need to rant)

also if u see this person on insta or whatever pls DONT attack them just ignore them pls

so i knew this was probs gonna be bad bcs most fan accts on insta are k/ylo stans and re/ylo shippers (who literally almost never acknowledge the other characters) and lo and behold i caused this person to Discourse

“ky/lo r/en [...] is a main character” uhhh ya, he’s the main fucking villain i know he’s an important character, he’s just not a protagonist!!! thats all this meme is saying!!!!! he’s an antagonist, i literally acknowledged this in my caption on the original post but op conveniently left that out, and honestly even if he redeems himself, he’s done enough to qualify as an antagonist, like v/ader isnt a protagonist even tho he redeemed himself...and we dont even know if he’s getting redemption, like there may be evidence supporting it but theres also evidence against it and tbh its worrisome to see how delusional some ppl are (this is abt both sides of the argument tbh)

“if u dont know about storytelling u shouldnt watch s/tar w/ars then” again i literally show that i understand how antagonist/protagonists work but i guess i know nothing abt storytelling, even if that were tru, i can still watch s/tar w/ars if i fucking wanted 

also how is this “shitting on others who only like villains” 

as for the comment op replied to someone who literally put into words the reason i even made the dumb meme (better than i ever could tbh) and this is their reply.... like did they even look through my blog???tbh i do reblog a bunch of emo kyle ron type posts but like i literally wrote “there isnt rly a character i hate but like the ppl that woobify k/ylo r/en rly put me off from his character im pretty sure i would have liked him more if it werent for his fandom” in reply to an ask abt which character i hate, like these are my own actual words not even a reblog i agree with and theres also fanart of him there too i may have been anti-k/ylo for a while but i realised not wanting him in the saga is stupid and i defs wasnt when i made this meme. i just hated how ppl thought p/oe wasnt part of the trio and it was him instead, how can u say he’s unimportant when he literally has his own ongoing comic book

but anyway the tags on the original post are rly nice and have been making me happy for the past few days like even k/ylo fans are saying its tru so thanks if u left something in the tags 

ps i put a slash through literally every name bcs i dont want re/ylos to come at me for cross tagging or whatever and as we all know tumblrs filter system is shit

pps completely unrelated the comment section somehow lead to them saying this was disneys fault and that disney ruined their properties like ???? disney is literally the most successful film company rn, they literally brought in 1 billion last year from movies alone and the mcu is literally the highest earning film franchise ok sorry i just thought that was so ridiculous

[that-shamrock-vibe]

Movie Review: Scoob! (Spoilers)

Spoiler Warning: Alright so this isn’t the type of movie that really warrants two separate reviews, but because it was only released recently I feel a spoiler warning is warranted as I will be talking about specific points in the movie. So if you haven’t yet seen Scoob! and don’t want anything ruined before you do, go and watch then come back.

General Reaction:

So, I’m having a hard time really getting to grips with my enjoyment level of this movie. Because while I don’t think this was a bad movie by any means, I always wouldn’t rank it as one of my favourites particularly with this new wave of nostalgia-based movies that seems to be a thing in recent years.

Maybe the problem is I am not an avid Scooby-Doo fan, a lot of people may think that is sacrilege and I did grow up watching the original Scooby-Doo shows and movies, but I wasn’t as into it as I was other Cartoon Network shows or even other Hanna-Barbera properties.

On that note, something that fascinated me about Scoob! in its promo campaign outside of it being a stunning CG-Animation movie was the inclusion of other Hanna-Barbera properties. In the trailer it is simply Dynomutt, Blue Falcon and Dick Dastardly, the former two who I believe were spin-off characters of Scooby-Doo originally and Dick Dastardly who of course is Dick Dastardly. Wacky Races and its spin-off Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines were shows I was an avid fan of, but once you see the movie and you realise that Warner Bros. Animation is really pushing for a Hanna-Barbera cinematic universe to stem from this with the amount of references and cameos of other characters and properties it is fascinating to me.

For instance, The Amazing Spider-Man 2 attempted something similar by effectively shouting about the fact that this movie was supposed to not only set up a third Spider-Man movie but also a Sinister Six movie and a Black Cat movie, then it was revealed Venom and Carnage were supposed to come into play, but then the whole thing got canned because the movie tried doing too much too soon.

Here though, they are subtle references that, unless you know the characters, don’t really register. I mean one or two are really obvious like having this universe’s version of Captain Caveman be somewhat of an antagonist here...I will be talking about him further down...but there are also just simply posters and name references that catch your eye if you know the characters. I don’t know every Hanna-Barbera character but the one that did catch my eye was a cardboard cutout of Hong-Kong Phooey.

As for the actual movie from a storytelling perspective, again I never really thought there was anything that grand about Scooby-Doo in terms of how they told a story. It was one of the first “monster of the week” shows in how formulaic it was and there was almost always a predictable formula in how each character would play their part.

In hindsight to that, I do appreciate both this movie and the first live-action Scooby-Doo movie for actually making that a satirical plot point, but in not having that much of a plot to base the movie on...I mean you can tell this is really an origin story of sorts in that if they are planning a cinematic universe this is that first rock, but unlike Iron Man they never had that hook that made you want to see the story continue.

I guess you could compare it in-house to what the DCEU did with Man of Steel. I didn’t really need more from after seeing that movie but I did want to see what this universe’s versions of some of my favourite DC Characters would be like, in a way this is similar.

It does sound stupid but the plot very much feels like a Scooby-Doo movie plot, in that the movie opens with that classic “monster of the week” unmasking, but the main threat of the movie is a real monster with some type of supernatural mystical twist.

But also, in adding the entire universe of Hanna-Barbera characters to that, you also have the most blatant in-movie Warner Bros. promo campaign with so many of the studio’s other properties being name-dropped it was borderline laughable.

In terms of the actual movie experience, this isn’t the first time I’ve watched a movie for the first time not in the cinema but knowing that the movie should have been released in cinemas rather than me simply not seeing it for any reason was rather surreal and, I do feel that this is the type of movie that warrants an audience viewing rather than just me watching it in my bedroom.

I also feel I would have enjoyed it a lot more with an audience, particularly an audience that doesn’t mind slightly dated, cheesy or somewhat really obvious plot points at times. I kind of predicted every major plot twist in this movie, although a couple of them I feel the audience is supposed to know from the get go otherwise why make it so obviously unless your pandering to a really young audience that don’t have two brain cells to rub together and tell that Fred with a really sinister grin full-naming Scooby is really the main villain in disguise particularly when you just saw him do the same thing ten minutes before.

But anyway, rather then going character by character in this spoilery section I’m going to break it down into what I liked and what I didn’t like. There was nothing I loved but also nothing I hated.

What I Liked:

But in terms of the overall message of the movie, Scoob! really hammers home that old-school notion of Man’s Best Friend, and not just with Shaggy and Scooby which is all I will say on that.

Alright so this movie is obviously called Scoob! and focuses on Scooby as effectively the main character as well as his friendship with Shaggy. The two really are one character in that you can’t really imagine one without the other, and the movie really explores that in both good and bad ways...we’ll get to the bad.

As a dog lover and dog owner myself, this movie really spoke to me on that level and the bond that Shaggy and Scooby share I finally understood. In all other media for me it’s more a case of Scooby and Shaggy just being friends but here that bond goes deeper because you see them meet and you see them essentially become family.

I really didn’t like the plot device of making them fall out only to have them make up later, it just is a very lazy trope at this point particularly as I’ve already seen it in a Scooby-Doo property before.

But they do kind of explain why it is necessary and why it happens because while they do have their friends at Mystery Inc. Shaggy and Scooby had no one before having each other, so when one feels like they’re drifting apart something flips and they get very possessive.

Also that ending, I mentioned this movie has a lot of things thrown in but while Hanna-Barbera and Warner Bros. references are kind of in sync with this movie, how about Greek mythology to the point where they effectively summon the Underworld to Earth!

I’m a massive Greek mythology fan, and seeing the main monster of this movie actually being from Greek mythology and animated so beautifully is why this is in the good section, even if the Underworld actually looked like the Cave of Wonders from Aladdin.

The voice cast for this movie is also unexpectedly brilliant. A lot of people may complain that the original cast who are still all alive, I think, weren’t asked back but outside of Frank Welker as Scooby I don’t think you really need them.

Zac Efron is one of those actors at the moment that can do no wrong for me, he can do comedy, he can do musical, he can do drama, he can do serious gritty drama. I really loved him as Fred here.

Will Forte didn’t fool me into thinking it was Matthew Lillard returning to the role because I feel his voice here wasn’t as squeeky or high as Lillard’s, but he still did a great job, Ian Armitage voicing the kid version was great too.

Gina Rodriguez is a choice for Velma not just because like a lot of these characters the classic Velma’s voice is very distinct and almost iconic but to actively race-bend the character and make her Latina I thought added some much needed diversity to this movie and the Hanna-Barbera universe in general.

Jason Isaacs as Dick Dastardly was really a fantastic choice both for the actor and for the character. There were times particularly towards the start when he made Dick sound like Captain Hook and even his design here is very Captain Hook/Gru esk rather than the lanky Dick Dastardly design, and I was missing his classic hat. But for me Jason Isaacs is at his best when he’s playing a villain.

On that note, Dee Dee Sykes and Dynomutt I thought were absolutely wonderful here, I’d actually say these two and Dick Dastardly were my favourite characters. All the D’s apparently.

Not only was it a teachable moment for me because I had to look up someone I was pretty sure was someone I thought they were in terms of me knowing Dee Dee originated in Captain Caveman and the Teen Angels, but here was on Blue Falcon’s crew with Dynomutt and no reference to Captain Caveman whatsoever I was okay with.

Also, I cannot believe I am saying this but, this movie actually made me like a Ken Jeong performance. I cannot stand this man, I do not find him funny, I do not find him entertaining, yet something about him voicing Dynomutt who originally I swear what meant to have the brain capacity I associate with Ken Jeong, but to make me like the character was impressive.

The final thing on my good list to mention is that opening sequence, after the very heartwarming opening scene of Scooby and Shaggy meeting and a Halloween setting of the team first coming together to battle a monster of the week in a It inspired haunted house, they show a shot-for-shot remake of the opening credits for the OG cartoon which is rather clever.

The only other voice actor to mention in the good section for me is Simon Cowell, not only do they have Simon playing himself in such a brilliant way but also his son Eric also voices a character, very brief and not central to the plot, but really a cute moment. Also I don’t know why but Simon in voice over sounds almost like a parody to Simon in live-action.

What I Didn’t Like:

Alright so these are really knitpicks but I think they’re worth noting in terms of moving this universe forward.

Scooby Doo is a dog, a talking dog yes but a dog none the less...so why the heck does he talk so much. I mean granted this is a universe with a robotic dog and a biped martial arts vigilante dog...but they never genuinely explain how Scooby can talk and while it’s understandable in the original cartoons as it’s mostly groans and the odd mispronounced word...here he was having monologues...also as a puppy he should have had a puppy voice, just saying.

As mentioned, I never really got into this franchise when I was younger so outside of Scooby and Shaggy I don’t really know these characters...but was Fred always so weirdly obsessed with the Mystery Machine? I get being happy with your vehicle but I thought Fred and Daphne were supposed to be the ship of this property...not Fred and the van.

I really really really really really really really really did not like the cop out ending they had, I didn’t let them get away with it in Stitch Has a Glitch and I am not letting them get away with it here. This big dramatic heartstring pulling thing happens, yet it’s almost immediately rectified with no solid explanation other then “we need to wrap things up”.

So to see one of these properties not authentically translate I thought was annoying, by which I mean Captain Caveman. Looks wise he is on point and I am fully aware that Mel Blanc is not going to rise up from the grave to voice him again, but the very essence of him being a caveman in his speech was not there for me here.

It would have been better if they allowed some time to go past and let the heroes stew in their sorrow before somehow discovering a way to fix things, but no it is literally as soon as the bad thing happens we are supposed to believe this was thought out?

My final thing is this. The Hanna-Barbera properties I grew up with are Scooby-Doo which I liked, Top Cat which I loved, Wacky Races which I loved, The Jetsons which I wasn’t as acquainted with as I would have liked to be, The Flinstones which I loved, Hong Kong Phooey which I liked and Captain Cavemani which I liked.

I’m sure Tracy Morgan is a likeable comedian, but then play on the comedy of the character and have him be like he originally was.

Hanna-Barbera Cinematic Universe:

I would love to see The Flinstones, Top Cat and the other Wacky Racers get this movie treatment. In fact if they market it correctly, Warner Bros. Animation could have a different genre movie for each property, be that comedy for Flinstones, action for Hong Kong Phooey, maybe a heist movie for Top Cat, sci-fi for the Jetsons, the list goes on.

As mentioned before, I do not see that groundwork for a cinematic universe here. Rather than it showing signs of being like the MCU I think it does stick more in-house as the DCEU by simply giving me the want to see other Hanna-Barbera characters inhabit this universe.

Do I feel this is the start of something big? No, do I feel there is potential here absolutely.

Overall I rate the movie a solid 7/10, it’s enjoyable, it’s cute, it’s family-friendly and I believe that’s its USP. It’s not a groundbreaking movie but it does have that cinematic universe potential and, as mentioned, I do look forward to see if more Hanna-Barbera properties get the same treatment.

So that’s my review of Scoob! What did you guys think? Post your comments and check out more Movie Reviews and other posts.

[weekendwarriorblog]

SCOOB! Review: A Worthy Update That Pays Suitable Tribute to the Hanna-Barbera of Olde

You know what? I might as well write a full review, as it’s been almost two months since I wrote one outside of my column. Cool?

There’s a small part me that feels like I need to knock a few rating points off this review right off the bat even before starting to watch it. Warner Bros. didn’t give critics too many options to watch the movie on a suitably-sized screen. I don’t have a Roku or an Apple TV, so I had to watch it on my tiny Android screen. I tried hard to not allow that to affect my enjoyment or judgment of the movie. We’ll see how that goes.

Like anyone who has ever been a kid, I loved the Scooby-Doo cartoons but also generally liked what Hanna Barbera had been doing with most of their output. In the decades since then, Warner Bros. has spent most of its time promoting Scooby-Doo in various configurations, including recent DVD-only movies teaming the characters with WWE superstars.

I was almost ready to instantly hate SCOOB!, merely because it started in California and introduced Shaggy as a typical modern-day kid, but at the same time, we meet his future canine best friend, as he’s in the middle of a madhouse caper involving stealing a gyro. After becoming fast friends, we see Shaggy and Scooby go out Trick or Treating, and that’s when they first meet Fred, Daphne and Velma -- dressed as Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Pretty soon , they’re solving their first case with all the usual entrapments and a new version of the theme song that’s been made hipper for the kiddies.

Fortunately, we don’t spend too much time with Mystery, Inc. as kids before we get the more familiar versions, voiced by Will Forte (Shaggy), Zac Efron (Fred), Amanda Seyfried (Daphne) and Gina Rodriguez (Velma). (Long-time voice actor Frank Welker continues to voice Scooby as he has done so for the past few decades.)

We then watch Shaggy and Scooby being chased by bowling balls that turn into mechanical scorpion robot thingies. It’s also where things pick up with the entrance of Mark Wahlberg, voicing the superhero Blue Falcon and his partners Dyno-Mutt, the Dog Wonder (voiced by Ken Jeong) and Dee Dee Skyes (Kiersey Clemons). They work together with Shaggy and Scoob to face the sinister Dick Dastardly (voiced by Jason Isaacs), as they go looking for three skulls which Dastardly hopes to use in a nefarious bad guy plot that’s pretty easy to follow.

SCOOB’s 3D animation is quite good and the movie particularly succeeds at keeping things moving with almost non-stop action set pieces. There’s no denying Scooby-Doo as a concept works better as a fully-animated movie than it does as the live action-CG hybrid we’ve seen previously.  SCOOB! also benefits from the addition of a few nice surprises in terms of cameos. Director Tony Cervone and the half dozen or so writers that put this together clearly know their stuff when it comes to Hanna-Barbera.

Cervone also did a great job with all the voice casting with Will Forte’s impeccable impression of the original Shaggy voice actor, and Mark Wahlberg and Ken Jeong – who can be hit or miss at times – actually bring a lot to their respective heroes. Playing a baddie is nothing new to Isaacs, but he brings so much to Dick Dastardly even compared to the original voice actor.

Even though a lot of the jokes are clearly meant for older viewers i.e. parents, I’m not sure many of them are particularly inventive or even that funny, often going for the lowest hanging fruit.  To some, SCOOB may also seem a little cookie cutter at times, especially in terms of how it deals with the relationship between Shaggy and Scooby once the Blue Falcon enters the picture

It’s hard to discern whether seeing this with an audience of kids in a theater would have added much to the experience, although the animation is definitely worthy of seeing on the biggest screen you can find. Essentially, it’s a longer version of the cartoon with more modern-day references and music that could allow SCOOB! to sit along all sorts of other content that will be on the upcoming HBO Max for decades to come.

Basically, SCOOB is the Scooby-Doo most will already know and love but as an extended adventure set in present day to appeal to newer and younger viewers. You can’t really complain about that.

Rating: 7/10

[alexanderwrites]

Hack Job: Why Were Hacker Movies Ever A Thing?

Lately i’ve been thinking about that weird and almost completely failed subgenre of movie that attempted to light up the LCD screens of our hearts, but instead faded like a broken computer screen: the hacker film. Now, I could ask what good the sub-genre has ever done for us, but the answer to that is clear and just a few inches above this block of text. The genre birthed this iconic Matthew Lillard role from the movie Hackers, in which he plays a (wait for it!) hacker named...erm...Cereal Killer. Because....he likes Cereal? Sure, lets go with that! He’s a character described by June Diane Raphael on an episode of the podcast How Did This Get Made? as “Disgusting”, and she is not completely wrong. He is disgusting, bizarre and the strangest character Lillard has played, and i’m including Shaggy in the live action Scooby Doo films. He’s a character that must be experienced, and once experienced, never forgotten. I mean - you’ve seen what he fucking looks like. 

But my point remains: outside of Cereal Killer (I am bolding his name because he is an Important Man), the genre has offered up very little to the world. I admittedly know nothing at all about hacking, and I don’t care at all about Hacking, like, i’d presume, 90% of people currently residing here on earth. But I cannot imagine that people who love Hacking (or Hacker Fuckers, if you will) queuing up to see Hackers, a film that thinks this is what the internet looks like:

Now, i’m no city-slickin’ mouse-clickin’ hacker, but I don’t think that’s what the internet looks like. I could be wrong, and character actor Fisher Stevens (I was about to write “beloved” character actor, but then I remembered Short Circuit) could be skating through a flashing pillar of internet right now. It’s a cool thought! Hackers came along in 1995, when future optimism was higher than it had been in years, as everyone believed the tech-bubble would never burst (spoiler alert: it did!) and that the new millennium would bring a world of positive changes and possibilities. The poor, innocent souls of 1995 could never have possibly imagined the true horrors waiting for them on the other side of the millennium...

But before Fred Durst became a thing in a hat that you had to look at, technology was booming, affordable and exciting. You got transparent Macs that allowed you to see through into the mechanical nonsense inside it. The new fangled e-mail gave us (I don’t know why i’m saying “us”. I was 3 years old in 1995. Babies don’t get emails) all the opportunity to open your email and then close it again as many times as you liked! So this is what producers saw when they started making movies like Hackers. They put their strongest marketing minds together and came up with “People got computers now. Make comPUTER FILM!”. Those wild bastards actually went and did it! And weirdly, Hackers was kinda ahead of its time. It might’ve been wildly inaccurate in almost every possible way, but it paved the way for a wave of (well, like 3) films. The Matrix wouldn’t be released for another 4 years, and Swordfish a further 2. If it did incite a trend, it was the only trend started by Director Iain Softley, his later film K-Pax tragically failing to kick start a new genre of films in which Kevin Spacey eats bananas with their skins still on.

Good stuff! Hackers does feel like a film that is unsure of whether it’s trying to replicate fads or start them off. I mean, characters rollerblade everywhere for no apparent reason in the film. That might be something Hackers do? I’ve never seen Mr Robot, so I cannot categorically say that Rami Malek doesn’t rollerblade his way around town like a Starlight Express extra who really hates computers. But I doubt it. So with the rollerblading, and the way....ugh...Cereal Killer dresses, it seems like the film is offering you up its own funky ideas that you could follow on from if you want to get murdered on the streets. Did its aesthetic style have influence? Was the game Jet Set Radio from 2000 and its rollerblading theme influenced at all by Hackers? Did Eminem see Johnny Lee Miller’s bleached blonde hair in the film (quick deeply important side note: his character is named Dade. DADE.) and think “huh. that would really compliment my insufferable personality!”? We’ll never know. The film is a weird exercise in style and trends, and the soundtrack, crammed with The Prodidgy and Underworld, is proof that at least the soundtrack department had its finger on the pulse. And, it could be argued that the film’s costume department at least came up with some creative cyber-punk clothing, and were bold enough to make Penn Jillette look like this:

The thing is, I liked the weirdness of it all, I like this misfires in capturing modern life, and inaccuracy doesn’t bother me really if a film is fun enough. I’m not a stickler for realism. I didn’t sit down to Face/Off and complain that it’s totally unbelievable that John Travolta is a human person. That’s not the issue. The issue, really is that with all the giant screen Playstations, pounding trance tracks and references to Coca Cola (weird, I thought Mountain Dew would be the Hacker’s choice), the film is in troubled water because of the fact that Hacking is unbelievably, deeply fucking boring. It is not interesting in seeing someone go clickety clack on a keyboard and make occasional faces to indicate that “oh no! the mainframe is busting my chops!” or “Huzzah! I clicked the mouse really fast just now!”.

Thankfully, the film has some fairly decent editing which intersperses the clickety-clacking with some long exposure, sped up shots of New York City just in case you forgot it was the 90′s. The fact that they need to cut away to exciting, zooming shots that have nothing to do with anything highlights the fact that the Director and Editor knew exactly what i’m talking about: HACKING IS FUCKING BORING (if you’re a hacker reading this, please don’t hack me). And they’ve built an entire film around it! A whole nonsensical plot which involves (as far as i can remember) big ships and evil corporations that want to sink the big ships is built on Hacking. Thank god this film is so wildly ridiculous, which keeps it from being entirely boring. It’s smart in that it knows to not make the film actually about hacking, but then you kind of ask yourself the question: why is this film about Hacking at all? Why is it called Hackers? Maybe a better name would’ve been ‘Bladin’ Teenz’, as an ode to their endless rollerblading. It’s a fun film, but a dumb film and proof that films entirely about hacking cannot really work.

The Matrix was a wise film. Exploiting that hip, late-90s techno excitement that everyone was buzzing over, it featured a hacker at its centre who really doesn’t do much hacking at all. In fact, Morpheus might as well have said “You Hack? Dude fucking grow up. Come on, i’ll make you a treat”. Sure, you’ve got the iconic green gibberish that turns up on the computers and would inspire a million shitty screensavers, but again the hacking is intercut with other action going on in the film. You have characters typing away and yelling shit like “I’m nearly in!” or “i’m not nearly in!” or “I am unsure of whether I am, in fact, in, nearly in, or not nearly in!”. But that is manageable and minimal, and in the end there’s so much more to remember about The Matrix that I don’t think anyone, when asked what it’s about, would say “Oh it’s about Keanu Reeves hacking on his dell”. It understood this caveat, and created its own style which would influence every single music video ever produced over the next 5 years.

These are screenshots from the video for Don’t Wanna Let You Go by 5ive, a very bad UK Boy-band that had 4 singers and 1 rapper, all of whom it’s safe to assume have passed away. 

The Matrix had the style, and the smarts to sidestep bland hacking scenes. You know what film doesn’t understand that hacking is boring? Fucking Swordfish.

Fucking Swordfish. A film so aesthetically ugly and repulsive in every way that it does the unthinkable and makes you hate Hugh Jackman. But it commits the biggest sin of all by giving John Travolta a teeny tiny beard - a decision which we still feel the fallout from today, whenever a new red carpet photo arrises of John’s new chin abomination. 

Looking like a cup of concentrated Michael Bay piss, the film leans heavily into stylishness - or lack thereof. Hugh Jackman is basically...sigh...DADE in the movie, and Travolta is regularly outfitted with funny sunglasses. It borrows a lot from Hackers, but while that had a naive, 1995 goofy charm, Swordfish is an aggressively stupid and oblivious movie, that gives us a LOT of Hacking. Like...so much Hacking. The Most Hacking. Oh, The Fucking Hacking. Its a reminder of just how boring Hackers or The Matrix could’ve been if they’d fallen into the wrong hands, and a big, horribly colour-corrected reminder that films about hacking really aren’t the best. Instead of cutaways of cityscapes, Swordfish tries to build the tension during one hacking scene in the grossest way possible: by having Hugh Jackman’s character receive forced fellatio while he works, and while John Travolta smiles. It doesn’t make a boring scene exciting, it makes a boring scene fucking disgusting (the movie’s grossness doesn’t stop there. Halle Berry was heavily pushed into taking her top off in the movie, and promised extra money if she did it.). The Hackers method of randomised cutaways feels a million miles away during these scenes, and you will be willing to pay any earthly sum to make the scene unfolding in front of you stop. Maybe that’s how hackers should make their money from here on in: stop hacking, and just start blackmailing people by forcing them to watch Swordfish. Fucking Swordfish.

The movie was also a bit of a death knell for a subgenre that never really took off. People realised “Oh, this is dull and crap to watch!” when it came to hacking, and technology moved on rapidly that there was a lot more to do with it than watch some guy slapping the keys of his iMac. I find it a really interesting subgenre to look back at, because i’m a huge fan of outdated technologies, fashion styles, turn of the millennium culture, and really quite poor films (besides The Matrix which holds up nicely). Hollywood has tried to make a manner of subjects interesting. Stock markets. Fishing. White people who buy zoos. Some work, some don’t, and it’s all about the way the subject is handled. Because of their reliance on technology, these hacking films feel so dated that maybe Hollywood doesn’t want to risk dipping its toes back into the cyberwaters again. I kind of hope they don’t, because I would literally rather never see a film again than have to even know that a film about Anonymous is being made. I don’t want an ‘edgy’ modern movie that’s made for Banksy to watch while he plunges his hands down his pants and goes to town. I want silly old Cereal Killer and towers of nonsense computer language dammit! I want rollerblading, coke-drinking cyberpunks! Oh well. Whatever happens to the genre, at the very least, we’ll always have Dade and The Gang....

[battrishcrazy]

Jinnkies, SCOOBYNATURAL!!! - for this blog you definitely want to go to my actual webpage blog. There are lots of pictures and I put alot of time into formatting it!

http://www.justtrishsmith.com/lilbatblog/march-31st-2018

The intro is about me and my love for Scooby, Superntural, Buffy, and just so you get to know me better then the bottom is spoiler filled, and is my commentary on the Scoobynatural episode!!! leave comments!!

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Guys!!!!! This is seriously the best thing ever created!! We'll maybe that's an exaggeration but I mean its pretty accurate. Its kinda rare I get excited about anything, and typically when I do I some how get let down because my exceptions are too high. BUT 100% just WOWing at Scoobynatural!!         Supernatrual is longstanding my favorite TV show (yes, I like it more then BUFFY.) Well I do now, I was overly obsessed with Buffy in High School. It is kind of embarrassing but also not really, I stand by my obsession! I made a lot of my friends because of it in college I even called our friend group the Scooby-Gang; as from Buffy... As a kid who didn't love Scooby-Doo, but I mean obviously I did. Been spooky since  I was born pretty much haha! My room still has some of my my Scooby items. I typically; blankets, posters, even one of those plastic three drawer things with wheels- its pretty fancy too and the creepy eyes glow in the dark). And how awesome did I think it was it that Sarah Michelle Gellar (BUFFY) played Daphne in Scooby-Doo live action?! I would get so excited for all the actors in Buffy to be in anything else but for it to combine some of my favorite things,  HELL YEAH! ((Matthew Lillard as shaggy was great, love that dude. SLC PUNK & SLC PUNK 2 are some more of my favorite things. If you havent watched SLC PUNK 2, go do so. Its pretty funny, probably my most watched movie on Netflix. I am Trish (from the movie), she is the future me. A kick ass punk/goth woman, with pink hair a floppy hat, and owns a oddity shop!!)) ... Because of my excitement and anticipation for months waiting the episode I wanted to share it with someone, even if they didn't love Supernatural too. A big thing on my mind lately is sharing experiences and excitement in things (hobbies, shows, etc) with someone you love. EVEN IF its not something you or they necessarily like. BUT for the reason of watching the one you love be excited and see how happy they are when they share with you. (This is actually one of my blog topics, because it keeps coming up or being on my mind, when I want to share but people are so accepting. I do my best especially for those I love to try to like or at least enjoy that they like something) but again I'll write that later. ( THIS IS JUST HOW MY BRAIN WORKS AND IT JUMPS ALL OVER BEFORE I EVEN GET TO MY SUBJECT) Because I was home I got to watch it with my MOM! Which was probably the best choice because she loves Scooby-Doo too, shes the one who let me watch it and like it. But also because she doesn't judge me on my love for Supernatural and weird things. Even though she may not understand it sometimes or like it she never judges me and just things I'm silly. Sometimes shes in the room when I watch Superntural or any of my shows and I kinda fill her in and then get to laugh out loud because someone else is in the room. I actully dont watch my shows around many people. I am a talker in movies BUT don't talk during my show, unless its little comments. I mean thats all I do in movies too, at least the first time watching is just my commentary (which sometimes is pretty funny or insightful and I should record it). But yeah I don't share my show time with many people and there are few I want to share it with. Because that is my nerdiest self when watching my shows for the first time!!! So, yeah, watching with Mom was a good idea, and I'm super happy I got to be home for the day and that she let me watch it and stayed up till like 1 am watching it with me). ... oh I suppose I should add in for those of you who don't know me well. I went to school for animation, film, and design. So some animations are super exciting and impressive to me, others stress me out, and then some I'm like WTF are you doing I know people who could do this way better. I also don't do anything with animation. Sadly, I hate drawing and don't like my hand drawn artwork. Its stressful and I don't have the patients for it. Although in college I took the classes because I wanted to learn visual effects not so much the animation. BUT I was the first to graduate from Point Park's animation program. At the time the program was brand new and mostly animation not visual effects. If I could go back part time and take a few classes, I would really love that.. maybe some day but 6 years of college already cost enough. I really want to take the class where they make music videos too but also I just wish to do visual effects and music videos. Which most everyone knows and I just need to get a gig and do it and learn from those around me I already have the foundations and many skills.. the point is some of the things I thought were the funniest were just because of animation jokes and such!! ... This isn't a review and definitely has spoilers. Its just what some of my thoughts and commentary was. To review or write out everything I'd have to watch again and write down my thoughts because I don't always remember them all. When I'm enjoying something and in the moment, not focused on anything else, I don't remember every detail just how much I liked it or disliked it and just my feelings mostly..        I just have to say the writers and creators of Supernatural and genius and always come up with such awesome ideas. I love the show because of the variety of monsters and not just the same basic thing over and over. Also they stick so close to legions and lore (from the knowledge of I have of these things). I'm so picky on supernatural shows of movies because I like tradition so I like the creativity combined to tradition. ... not writing in paragraphs just ideas as they came ... "MOM, dean just gets attached to objects okay" ...                  How they ended up in Scooby world was a mystery to me until watching. I knew the episode was coming and wondered how they would end up there   but did'nt even really make any guesses. Sooooo (again spoilers here) they get sucked in with a beautiful purple electric portal type thing! I was like well I should have seen them getting sucked into the TV thing coming but I didn't, so surprised right off. Really my only thought was a cursed lunch box or a spell?.. Also purple electric is awesome, as I obviously always choose purple or green for anything I'm doing! ... the cartoon, exaggerated face slap!     Pretty much my excitement matches Deans but even more so because I get to see his excitement (kinda like I was saying about enjoying loved ones reactions) ... "except Fred hes a Wad..." "Cas is kind of like our talking dog.."(cracked up and explained to mom that Cas is their angel.. in case she forgot) ... at one point realized that non of the characters have white in their eyes and drove me nuts for a few scenes ... Agreed Fred is kind of a dick.. Don't be mean to Dean, Dude. ...    Oh the nostalgia of the castle with the bats!!! My heart! My love for bats probably started here. I CANT EVEN! ... Sam, dude, stop being a grump and enjoy the day and your brothers happiness. You're being a bummer and I want to punch you. I love you too but dude! ... Deans night gown.. Even mom laughed at that part!! ... Jinkies, Jeepers, RutRo, SON OF A BITCH!! all the Scooby gang remained pretty chill for seeing an actual dead guy! but the wondering of everything in this is just so perfect! how Sam points out its an actual dead dude to everyone saying their typical catch phrase!! just everything about this is so well planned, referenced, brilliant! ...                     Fred is a dick again... Daphne doesn't agree "not really" ha! ... someone is outside the window. everyone thinks its a bad guy.. I just yell CAS!!! then it ends up being Cas. His entrance as per usual is comedic... also I did not guess it was Cas following them eariler. I didn't make any guesses on that, again. (which is odd, I usually make all the predictions and drive everyone nuts, but I just was so focused!) ... "So, do they always just walk away from dead bodies" SECOND BODY- as soon as they show it I go "that's bit brutal..." and mom giggled. I'm assuming because of how fast I said it or because usually I complain about there not being enough blood. But HEY, I'm on the same page as Dean still and I'm in Scooby land and like WOAH.. also the Scooby Gang still not shocked at the blood, I guess they really think its fake or they just like.. IDK. ... Damn Velma you being a bit much of a bitch towards Sam. Like yeah your awkward and you think hes cute, but mean is not the way to go. (he's sensitive) ... I'd totally pick Shaggy and Scoobies split up time, not because I'm a chicken but just because who doesn't want to get to spend their time with those two, and go find some snacks! ...  THE SCOOBY CHASE SCENE!!!! OMG.. more nostalgia! probably my favorite part of the episode.. maybe.. might have saw even Scrappy Doo running around!          oh no! Shaggy falls and gets hurt!! Dang Shaggy, I've never seen you get so mad. He just knows he's typically invincible and just like doesn't think a think but he gets just a bit violent there with his reaction. My thought oh Cas is there hell, heal him..... BUT UMMMM he doesn't... I bring this up about 10 more times over the next few scenes. Just like why, they obviously know things are going on, or hey do it in secret. Don't let poor Shaggy suffer! ... again, oh no!! The Scooby Gangs hearts are broken, they don't know how to react to finding out that the supernatural exist.. freaking out!!!!! but Dean to the rescue, jumps in with a pep talk and gets their butts into gear for the battle!! (then the Scooby Gang gets a bit intensely into fighting monsters. They are a passionate bunch!!) ...                                              Dean lets Fred come up with a plan.... which fails.. But I'll let you watch that without describing it! not too many comments that I made during the scene! JUST BUBBLES! ... go to plan B... HOLD UP WAIT... Good plan BUT like when you pull the book to the secret passage. ummmmm, how does the Ghost fall.. what?! I Just yelled out HES A GHOST!!!! but I mean okay, a minor critique. and were in cartoon world, so it's all good! the salt circle does make sense, and it is pretty when the ghost tries to escape and more purple shocks.... ... LOVE love love, green and purple combo (mostly is used in spooky or Halloween themed things) but also just my theme. website, just realized thats the color of my nails right now, have a bunch of tattoos that color.. also planning on getting the Superntural tattoo but in a new school way not tribal and in green and purples... talking about it this week actually. decided on that recently but before this episode but only makes me want to get it sooner ...     Then they punch you in the heart!!!!!!!!!!! Because the bad guy is actually...... ... A KID!! an adorable little sweet kid being manipulated by a bad man! so so so sad!!! OMG! ... they then decide they need to cover up the realness from the Scooby Gang before they leave back to their world to set the kid free and then FINALLY CAS HEALS SHAGGY... in secret... SO LIKE WHAT TOOK SO LONG?!!! Come on Cas! ... THE END. well a few more scenes but nothing I have comments on!!! -- SO GO WATCH SCOOBYNATURAL NOW.        Also will there be an episode where they go back or where they Scooby gang comes to the supernatural world and live action…. (if so better be Sarah, Freddy, Matthew, Linda.... oh and Seth Green too because who doesn't want more Seth Green on their TV!) ... Let me know if you like it, let me know if you hate it (I hope you don’t) Let me know if you want it to be more like other peoples reviews or if you like how I did this one.... I've never wrote a review on anything, and I don't really read them, or watch them. BUT I don't watch or read much because I want to create my own content and make my own style so it doesn't have too much influence by anyone else. But also I really want to support others, do research and become better! ... DO YOU HAVE A BLOG? DO YOU DO REVIEWS? WHAT DO YOU DO? COMMENT YOUR LINKS AND ALSO SUGGESTIONS TO OTHER PEOPLE DOING SIMILAR THINGS FOR ME TO CHECK OUT. OR EVEN SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT IF YOU THINK ILL LIKE IT ... THANKS! PLZ VISIT MY WEBSITE! THE BLOGS LOOK WAY BETTER OVER THERE!!