#i feel like sam would never really get a fufilling ending though but i do want him and c!ponk to at least talk and what not

[fruitwanderer]

On the topic of cathartic endings: I hope c!Sam fucking explodes and dies

[keagan-ashleigh]

Ooooh damn, I just watched the finale (couldn't watch it live, had to wait a little bit, that's why I wasn't on Tumblr yesterday and today, I know better than login in when they're is an absolute certainty to get spoiled). I am such a mess right know, I am crying my heart out for real, sobbing and sobbing.

Sure it wasn't exactly the ending I was hoping for. But it's okay. I was telling it the other day my hope about getting a destiel happy ending was actually real low because I am disillusioned and Jensen's acting in episode 18 screamed that it was a definite goodbye to Castiel, his tears and lack of fire reaction he always had when Sam or Cas died and was fighting to get them back, it was just so solemn, it was telling "this time there is no defying death", so that's really what was getting my hope low. And at some point I saw Misha's post saying something around the lines of "you did that guys", I knew he wasn't in the episode, so I made my peace with not having my ideal ending before hitting play.

I expected Dean to die (just not like that, to be honest) because Jensen told that he wasn't feeling ok with his ending and knowing the context about lgbt representation (I didn't think they were going to give us a canon destiel, I was hoping for it but I know most shows don't do that and that Supernatural wasn't going to be different on that end) I sort of knew it wasn't to be Dean and Castiel flying away, the only logical and probable explanation was that Dean died. But I did wanted Castiel to just be there, if not on earth then in heaven. I didn't even mind if they weren't going to be romantically together, I just wanted them to be together. They didn't. They didn't go the extra mile, but I know how it is, despite great show being more inclusive I know there is so little shows willing to go that extra mile, so no, I wasn't expecting it, I was hoping that maybe, you know.

I wanted so much more than such a fast ending for him and for Castiel, it was disappointing on that point, yet I feel like it's ok. I wasn't even expecting the show to make Castiel speak of his love for Dean, to make him gay, they delivered more than I was hoping for just a week ago. It's not perfect, it's not ideal, but it's ok. They still ended it the way that was right for Dean and Sam, the first being at peace with himself and the world, feeling loved and deserving of happiness, the ultimate happiness that is heaven, with the certainty of an eternity spent with the people he loved, minus Cas (but I will headcanon them reuniting cause if he helped reshape heaven that means that he is ok, that Jack brought him back from the empty), resting at last, him the soldier who could never stop fighting, it fits him well that in the end he stopped, because it was right; the latter having the life he dreamed of, with normalcy, a family, a dog, a steady and fufilling life, before finding back his brother in heaven.

I understand what Jensen meant. It doesn't feel right at first, no he can't go like that, so fast, so miserably, but then it feels appropriate and respectful of who the character had been for 15 seasons. He deserved heaven, he deserved rest, he deserved self love. Sam deserved a life. We never hoped for less for those characters, so yes we may feel robbed because we didn't imagined it like this. But it was nonetheless beautiful and right.

The finale felt not epic, no big fight, not a super dramatic way of dying in comparison to every over death they got us used to in this show, but they did got an epic finale in episode 19, this was way more intimate and I think it's exactly what it needed to be.

I just wished they went the extra mile with Cas, I wish they just brought him back. My only disappointment was that they didn't bring him back at all. But I can't complain because him finding happiness in loving and sacrificing for Dean was in character, even though it would have been better if he could have just been around more. Being with humans, with Sam and Dean, then being a father for Jack, taught him so much about love, he learned to be free, to stand for himself and for the ones he love, so, it's not actually the worst way to end his character arc. I know people are disappointed, I understand why, I am not 100% happy I this ending either,but it was a logical end for his character, if not the perfect ending for him. It still makes sense, no matter how wrong it does feel from our perspective.

So, in the end, I am not disappointed. I am not angry at them for not making destiel canon. They actually gave way more than what I was ever hoping for with that show and with television in general.

They changed the game. If I am not mistaking destiel is the first ship that was so iconic that if you ask people to tell you about fandom and shipping Supernatural and destiel pop into minds, I personally can't think of any ship prior to the show that has been so visible in and outside the realm of fandom, perhaps in Star Trek, but at the time fandoms were a discreet thing, it wasn't at the same level of visibility. They changed the fandom experience, fans and cast, outside and inside the show by acknowledging fandom and paying it their respect, they changed the fandom experience.

They left an imprint because the fandom has been so important that it gave the very loud and clear message "this is what we want, we want you to make efforts to give a better representation". I'm not saying it is just spn that has had this impact, this wouldn't be fair to all the other shows that were making efforts, I don't know all of them but this is the first time that a gay ship is so iconic that you know about it even if you don't even watch the show. I remember what tv shows looked like around 2005, I was 17 back then, there was that dynamic het hero and het love interest and even though shows were progressing, they weren't flirting that much with the idea of two male leads being in a romantic dynamic and they weren't giving two shits about their fandom and about acknowledging their importance and the importance of their work to enrich the whole experience. SPN went the extra mile for that period's standard, that is something we can't brush away.

That doesn't mean we can't criticise the queerbaiting, of course not, it doesn't mean we got to praise it no matter what, I don't say they were perfect, they weren't and they are to blame on some levels, that just means that no matter what, Supernatural changed the dynamic in television. Shipping existed before but never before was it so much vocal and present outside the secrecy of fandoms. We owe them to recognize the good they indeed did. They really did way more than 90% of the shows out there, especially from shows that started around mid 00's, in terms of representation and in terms of allowing fandom, and especially fanwork, to be respected. I'm not saying we owe only to Supernatural the fact that more and more shows give us better representation and respect, I am saying that they had a significative influence. We have to look at what was television and fandom before to really see what drastically changed thanks to that show and some others.

They didn't go all the way to making it canon but they did something spectacular in delivering a bit of what we were asking for. I wasn't expecting them to ever acknowledging destiel on screen at all. They did. And I was gobsmacked because I never thought they would. They have turned some of the queerbaiting into foreshadowing, and that my dudes is huge. Yes there is job to do to get rid of the kill your gays and making more than half of the ship canon, but they've set a standard. From such an iconic show to make that step is sending a message. I know other shows have canon gay ships, maybe Supernatural showrunners got inspired by them, but despite the fact I love those show dearly and passionately we have to recognize they aren't having the same cultural imprint that Supernatural is having.

This is in the end let's say, not satisfying because they could have been even more progressive and even more right to the characters, but it is progress, and it is right to the characters. And I am happy for it. I am not mad. This is not meaningless.

I can't express how thankful I am for this show that has been such a comfort in my life, a show that has introduced me to the world of fandoms, a show that has brought me so much joy and relief from life, a show that has been there to give me a sense of being part of a community, a show that has introduced me to the concept of shipping, a show that has actually taught me a lot about bisexuality and introduced to the lgbt community, a show that taught me about deserving love and to be true to myself, a show that has inspired me as a writer, as a person, a show that has held my hand for 15 long years. I can't be mad. I can't feel resentment because my ship isn't canon, because in the end they told me it was right to write my own story about the characters and that I was right to believe in it. I can't be mad at this ending even though I wished it was different, because it still is a respectful goodbye, and it feels like they told me "that's okay". I can go now. I can turn this page and start to write another one. They have changed me, they have helped me become the person I am today, I learned so much through those characters.

I owe them a thank you, a billions of thank yous, not a "you could have done better".

So, that is how I feel. I understand people are unhappy and it is important that we address what is wrong with it, but I think we should be grateful for everything they did delivered during those 15 years, and they delivered... so much.