#i feel like trying to stop a dude from killing all the gods therefore denying the natural order of death is pretty on brand for the matron!

[balleater]

every time someone talks about the raven queen as if she's some sort of heartless cold bitch of a god i think about the fact that one of her champion's primary duties is to soothe the fears of those most afraid of death when their time comes as they are guided into the afterlife.

[max-is-tired]

On Top Of The World (On Top Of It All)

Pairing: Analoceit

Characters: Virgil Sanders, Deceit Sanders, Logan Sanders, Remus Sanders, Roman Sanders, Patton Sanders, Character Thomas (mentioned)

Words: 4.365

Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit & Remus, swearing, kissing, one very light innuendo and light graphic talk by Remus, there’s a fight but the characters have agreed to it and no one gets hurt

Notes: Let’s start with a big round of applause for my amazing boyfriend @afulldeckofaces who commissioned this big boy -he asked for pining Loceit and Confident Virgil, and who am I to deny these two beautiful concepts?

Writing this was so much fun, and I hope you guys will love it at least as much as I enjoyed working on it!!!!

Commission me!!  Buy me a coffee!!  Join my Discord server!!

When Logan and Deceit initially got together, it really hadn’t been a surprise to anyone -apart from maybe Thomas, but he had since stopped questioning most of the things that went down in his mind. So when they told him he simply blinked, shrugged in that specific way people do when they are way too tired to try and actually think about whatever the hell is going on and smiled at the way his two sides leaned on each other, genuinely happy for them.

Point was, everyone had seen it coming, recognized their hopeless pining for what it was despite the two sides’ vehement denial (“denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, dude”) and collectively breathed a sigh of relief when the two finally got their heads out of their asses and actually talked about their feelings for once in their life.

(Roman was just a tad bitter that both Deceit and Logan had refused to see reason for so long despite his best efforts to act as the perfect Cupid he was, and also that Remus had only won their little bet because gay panic was one hell of a way to make Deceit blurt out the truth. So what?)

What no one had exactly seen coming -apart from Remus because he was Deceit’s go-to when he needed to ramble/vent about something and therefore was aware of most things regarding his love life before anyone else, mostly to his brother’s dismay- was the small, minuscule crush the two were starting to develop on Virgil.

Which really, could you blame them? He was calm, snarky, and if Logan had to be honest, he had been harboring a tiny, infinitesimal infatuation for the anxious side since the time they had their first debate, back in the mindscape’s palace when Thomas had been dealing with cognitive distortions.

(For Dee, it was more complicated, having had feelings for Virgil since before their falling out only to feel them rekindle once they had started to grow closer again, side to side with the burning flame that were his feelings for Logan. Accepting that those feelings were still a thing had been an ordeal, to say the least, but having Logan at his side as they worked on figuring it out had helped immensely.)

So yeah, both Deceit and Logan were kind of crushing on Virgil. But that didn’t mean they were going to act on it, despite Remus’ constant suggestions that they should “try and tap that booty.” After all, it’s not like Virgil would be interested, and the feelings were completely, one hundred percent manageable.

Right? 

(Spoiler alert: they were wrong. So, so wrong.)

+++

It all started one particular afternoon, when Roman barged into the living room with a very worried look on his face.

“Please tell me someone has seen Remus at least once since this morning,” he questioned immediately, his gaze traveling from the kitchen, where Patton was currently backing some cookies, and the couch, from where Logan and Deceit were staring back at him with twin looks of both confusion and annoyance.

If Roman had to be honest, it was kind of creepy to see, and he was the one with an actual twin.

“I can’t say we have,” Logan finally answered, looking about ready to go back to his book.

“Neither have I, sorry Ro,” Patton called from the kitchen doorway, looking at him with a worried frown. “Why, did something happen?”

“No, but it might soon,” Roman answered, looking more troubled by the second. “Last time I saw him, he said he was going to the Imagination to work on a project. I have no idea what he’s working on, but the last time he spent this much time holed up there he ended up setting loose an entire army of bright green rats while proclaiming himself their Rat King, so I think you can guess why I’m a tiny bit worried right now.”

Deceit sighed, sharing a glance with Logan before turning towards the prince.

“I guess I’ll go check on him,” he said, standing up.

Logan gave him one look and immediately stood up himself, settling his book on the coffee table as he readjusted his tie.

“I’m coming with you. If he really has something planned, I might be able to help you reign him in.”

“Sounds good,” Deceit nodded, giving his boyfriend a small smile before taking his hand and turning towards Roman. “The Imagination, you said?”

Roman gave them a nod, while Patton looked at them in worry.

“Be careful, alright?” he called after them, watching as the two sunk out of the room.

Then, Roman seemed to realize something, turning towards Patton with a confused frown.

“Wait, where’s Virgil?”

+++

Between all the sides, Deceit, Virgil and Roman were the only ones who had actually set foot in Remus’ side of the Imagination before.

Over the years, the view had never changed much. A dark, ominous forest. Creatures that looked normal but not quite. A night that never ends, with a blood-red moon as the only companion. A tall, far-away tower, always visible in the distance but never seeming to grow closer.

This time, however, when Deceit rose up with Logan’s hand held tightly in his, the world around them was completely different. They were standing in what appeared to be a big, unassuming square circled by various buildings, the fumes and smells associated with cities surrounding them even without any people or cars passing by.

It was eerily silent, and Deceit didn’t like it one bit.

“I thought Remus’ domain would bear more similarities with Roman’s fantastical kingdom,” Logan commented, looking around with a hint of curiosity.

“It usually does, even if leaning much more on the ‘scary forest where literally everything could kill you’ side of the spectrum,” Deceit answered, studying their surroundings with much more suspicion. “In all the years I’ve known him, he’s never changed the landscape on his side of the Imagination.”

“Oh please, I’ve done it plenty of times,” a very familiar voice suddenly called from above their heads, “just never when you were around!”

Deceit and Logan looked up, trying to spot the source of the voice. Remus grinned back at them, hanging upside-down from what appeared to be-

“Wait, is that the floating cloud from Dragon Ball?” Deceit asked, staring in confusion at the cloud Remus seemed to be sitting on.

“Hell yeah! Do you like it?”

“... I’m almost afraid to ask this, but is there a reason it’s pitch back instead of the original white or is it just for the aesthetic?”

Remus wiggled his mustache, obviously excited by Deceit’s question in a way that made the side immediately regret ever speaking in the first place.

“White is overrated, and also this one can shoot lightning bolts!”

As if to demonstrate Remus’ words, the cloud immediately started crackling with energy, lightning zipping through the air and hitting the ground on the other side of the square.

“Woohoo!” Remus cheered, cackling like a madman at his own destruction.

As for Deceit, he fought to keep his expression neutral, squeezing Logan’s hand once it looked like his boyfriend was about to go try and investigate.

Logan rolled his eyes but relented, keeping his curiosity in check. For now, at least.

“Care to explain why exactly you changed the scenery, then?” Deceit asked, “I didn’t peg you for the city type.”

“Oh, it’s not for me, it’s for Virgil!” Remus grinned, straightening upon his personal cloud and snickering at the two sides’ growing confusion.

“Come on up, I’ll show you,” he offered, guiding the cloud down to give the two a chance to safely board.

Logan didn’t need to hear it twice, immediately mounting on the floating and very solid cloud -his boyfriend was a little more cautious, having had to deal with a lot of surprise features in Remus’ creations.

“Up we go!” Remus cheered, and suddenly the cloud was rising into the sky, making both Deceit and Logan hold on for dear life.

“Remus, where the hell are you taking us?!” Deceit frantically asked, watching the ground get farther and farther away.

Remus simply answered by gesturing excitedly to a nearby building, bringing their attention to a very familiar purple shape standing on a rooftop.

“Is that Virgil?” Deceit asked, squinting, “wait, what is he-”

Before he could finish his question, Deceit watched in horror as Virgil suddenly started sprinting towards the edge of the rooftop, feeling Logan stiffen at his side as he opened his mouth to shout something, anything that would stop the anxious side before it was too late.

But then, he felt his cry die on his lips as he watched with wide eyes Virgil leap gracefully from one rooftop to the next, rolling and leaping to his feet with the grace and flexibility of someone who has done this over and over.

“Oh my god,” Deceit whispered, feeling Logan peer down from beside him as they watched Virgil leap and jump from building to building with whoops and cheers of joy and the biggest smile anyone had ever seen on his face.

“He’s beautiful,” Logan murmured, attracting Deceit’s gaze on himself -he was staring at Virgil with wide eyes, a soft blush covering his cheeks and his eyes twinkling in a way Deceit had ever witnessed only when Logan was either talking or looking at the stars.

“He is,” he hummed in agreement, feeling a small, soft smile stretch on his face despite his best efforts to fight it down.

Behind them, Remus giggled in obvious delight as he watched the two become more and more smitten by the second.

“He’s been asking to use my part of the Imagination to practice for years now!” he chirped in explanation, “he does this once or twice a week, and in exchange, he gives me pointers on how to be that flexible.”

He grabbed his foot from behind and easily raised it to rest on his shoulder as a demonstration, wiggling his mustache throughout the entire process.

“There was no need to show us, Remus,” Deceit grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. Logan kept staring, raising an inquisitive eyebrow as Remus wiggled his foot at him.

“Are you implying that Virgil might be as flexible as that?” he asked.

“Oh, he’s much more flexible than me,” Remus shrugged, letting his foot fall back down, “seriously, sometimes I can’t help but wonder if he actually has a backbone or not. Wait, do you think I could get more flexible if I got my backbone out?”

“I do not advise trying, no,” Logan chided half-heartedly, blinking at the creative side as he tried to process his words.

“Oh god, I’m going to die,” Deceit muttered, hiding his flaming face in his hands as images of Virgil showcasing his… flexible abilities filled his brain.

Remus started cackling at their expressions, rolling around the cloud while clutching his stomach.

Ignoring him, Deceit and Logan exchanged a flustered glance, before turning around to stare at Virgil’s figure still bolting and jumping around the buildings under them.

It looked like this crush of theirs was not going away as quickly as they’d hoped, was it?

+++

Okay so, Virgil was flexible and apparently did weekly parkours over city landscapes Remus conjured just for him. So? Logan and Deceit could still deal with that and manage not to die of gay at the mere thought of just how agile and flexible their crush was.

Then, Roman decided it would be a good idea to challenge Virgil to a duel.

Granted, the proposal was meant mostly as a joke, a direct answer to Virgil threatening to kick Roman’s ass if he didn’t stop singing random Disney songs at full volume as everyone tried to relax.

But Virgil had easily accepted it, surprising literally everyone in the room as Roman looked at him as if he had grown two heads.

“What, Princey?” Virgil had asked, a lopsided grin stretching on his face, “scared you’re gonna lose to little old me?”

And so there they were, Roman and Virgil standing at the opposing sides of the arena the creative side had conjured while the others watched on from the sidelines -Patton had been very worried initially, but both sides had assured him that one, none of them were planning to injure badly the other and two, no sharp weapons would be used, so the father figure had eventually relented and followed the others on the stands.

“Who do you think will win?” Patton asked as he sat down, fidgeting with his cardigan.

“While I cannot deny that Virgil’s fight or flight instincts will probably be helpful in such a fight-” Logan started, looking at the two sides standing in the arena with twin wooden staffs in their hands- “his opponent is far more experienced than him in these kinds of things. Therefore, I suppose Roman will come out as the winner.”

Deceit nodded in agreement, wondering why Virgil had thought accepting this duel would be a good idea. Sure, the guy knew how to pack a punch -Deceit had found that out the hard way when he’d accidentally startled the anxious side during one of his panic attacks- but Roman quite literally fought bandits and Dragon Witches for fun. He obviously had the upper hand.

Remus watched the two sides lean forward, fighting down a snicker as his mind traveled to the numerous sparring match he’d had with Virgil when they both needed to let out steam.

Oh, this was going to be fun.

As if reading his mind, Roman suddenly bolted forward, staff held securely in his left hand as he prepared to strike down on his opponent. Quicker than anyone could see him, Virgil rolled to the side, easily avoiding Roman’s blow as he immediately leaped to his feet.

The fanciful side didn’t seem to be deterred by Virgil’s obvious agility, turning around to strike again and again with a type of ease only an experienced fighter can hope to achieve.

They went on like this for a while, with Roman delivering one strike after another and Virgil parrying and dodging every single hit, eyes reduced to slits as he focused on his opponent’s movements and nothing else.

As they watched, everyone had slowly started scooting forward in their seats, no more words being shared as they observed the two sides meeting and clashing only to pull away again. It almost looked like a graceful dance following a song only they could hear, their bodies moving in tandem as they both fought for the upper hand.

Then, Deceit felt the hair at the back of his neck stand up to attention, almost on instinct squeezing Logan’s hand as he leaned forward in sudden anticipation. He didn’t know why, but he felt as if something was going to happen very soon, and he did not want to miss it.

As if on command, Roman moved to attack once again, and a grin suddenly appeared on Virgil’s lips. Without missing a beat, the anxious side moved his body just a little to the left, hitting the inside of Roman’s arm with his staff as he slipped his foot just behind the other’s and kicked his legs off from under him.

Roman let go of his weapon with a pained yelp, falling flat on his ass as his balance was so suddenly thrown out from under him. Cursing under his breath, he started to reach for his fallen weapon only to find himself face to face with Virgil’s staff, hovering just in front of his face and blocking his movements.

“I don’t think so, Princey,” Virgil chuckled, giving him his signature lopsided smile as he slipped his weapon to tilt the creative side’s chin up.

“I’d say I won, don’t you agree?”

Roman gulped, looking up at him with wide eyes before answering with a small, trembling nod.

The sides sitting on the stands weren’t fairing much better, staring in absolute disbelief as the arena slowly disappeared from around them and Virgil helped Roman up -at least, everyone but Remus, who was too busy cackling his ass off at their surprise to care much about anything else right now.

“You guys were incredible!” Patton cheered, bolting forward to drag the two panting sides in a hug.

“Thanks, Padre,” Roman laughed, returning the hug as best as he could, “I was not expecting out resident emo to be such a valiant foe, but I’m positive a rematch will set the results right.”

Virgil snorted, patting Patton’s back with one hand as he arched his eyebrows at Roman.

“I’m down to beating your ass again anytime you want, Princey,” he teased, a shit-eating grin tugging at his lips as Roman let out his certified Offended Princey Noises™.

Patton gasped, turning his head around to stare at Virgil.

“Vee, language!”

“Sorry, Pat.”

Logan and Deceit watched over the scene from the sidelines, still trying to recover from what they had just witnessed.

“Uh, Virgil, if I may-” Logan called, attracting the side’s attention to himself as he nervously adjusted his tie- “where did you learn to fight like that?”

That was… something Deceit really wanted to know too, if he had to be honest.

Virgil shrugged, gently pulling away from Patton’s hug to properly look at them.

“I just… always knew how, I guess? Being fight or flight and all that,” he answered, looking at the two sides with the same lopsided smile he’d been sporting while tilting Roman’s chin up with his staff and-

Yup, it was official. Logan and Deceit were way too gay to deal with this shit.

+++

After that, it didn’t take long for things to finally come to a head.

It was a series of episodes, piling up one after another as Logan and Deceit fought more and more to frantically keep their crush in check.

A perfect example was that one time Roman somehow convinced all of them to join him in a quest, something he’d never quite managed before.

After crossing the entrance to the Imagination, all of them had found themselves wearing clothes that were starkly different from the ones they’d had had on a few seconds before.

Namely, Deceit’s robe now had much more flair to it, a wizard staff suddenly clutched in his hand as a long, black cloak with his symbol stitched on it hung loosely around his body.

Deceit hummed as he took in his new attire, feeling the weight of a sword hanging from his side as he begrudgingly had to admit that Roman hadn’t done a half-bad job with their clothes -something he remarked with stark clarity as he took in Logan’s much more practical shirt, jacket and pants that hung in a very flattering way on his lean figure.

Then, Deceit made the mistake to let his gaze move towards Virgil and all coherent thoughts suddenly screeched to a halt.

Virgil was wearing what looked like ranger robes, the dark hood of his battered cloak shadowing half of his face as the anxious side examined the slick bow he was now holding in his hands. Hidden under the cloak, Deceit could see the metallic glint of a black armor protecting Virgil’s body, the hilt of a sword peeking out from one of his sides.

In the back of his head, Deceit found himself thinking that maybe, Roman always calling Virgil their Dark and Stormy Knight was more accurate than they’d previously accounted for.

Taken as he was in admiring Virgil’s new outfit, Deceit failed to notice the way the others were getting ready to start their journey, slowly advancing down the path in front of them. He only noticed when Virgil shot him a strange look, arching his eyebrows as if silently asking if everything was alright.

Fighting down the blush threatening to rise to his cheeks, Deceit gave a terse nod, hurrying to catch up with the others before they noticed. In his hurry, though, the deceitful side failed to pay attention to his own cloak, now reaching to his feet instead of just covering his shoulders. As one might expect, he ended up tripping on it, a small curse already on the tip of his tongue as he flailed his arms around to hopelessly try and stop his fall.

Deceit closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, preparing himself to a relatively painful meeting with the ground -only to feel a pair of strong, warm arms wrap around his waist, stopping his fall midway through.

“Dude, you okay?” Virgil asked, looking torn between worry and amusement as he held the other side close to his chest.

Deceit blinked, looking at him with obvious surprise in his eyes as he took in their sudden vicinity. Then, he grumbled something under his breath, pushing at Virgil’s chest until he was finally free from his hold and stalking forward with the anxious side’s low chuckle trailing behind him.

And if the blush on his cheeks was due to more than simple embarrassment, well, that was nobody’s business but Deceit’s.

Logan’s turn to become a flustered mess had come not even a week later, as he walked down the hallway with a book in his hands and everything in his mind but looking where he was going.

All the warning he got was the sound of quickly approaching footsteps, followed by someone cursing under their breath and a hand suddenly wrapping around his forearm.

Before he knew it, Logan had his back pressed against the wall, a very familiar purple shirt filling his vision as he heard two sets of pounding footsteps bolt down the corridor and Remus’ cackling laughter fill the air.

Once the two brothers were finally far enough for them to be able to safely move, Virgil pulled back, letting out a sigh of relief as he rested his hands on the sides of Logan’s head.

“Thank god,” he muttered, glaring towards the direction the twins had disappeared in, “I was almost sure they were going to run you over without a care in the world.”

Then, he looked down, finally noticing the stunned expression on Logan’s face as he held his book limply in his hands.

“Uh,” he muttered, frowning, “L, you good? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Logan shook his head, looking to the side with splotches of red covering his cheeks.

“No, I am-” he cleared his throat, raising one hand to nervously adjust his tie as he tried to look everywhere but in Virgil’s eyes, “I can assure you, I am perfectly fine.

“Are you sure? Wait-” Virgil squinted at him, leaning forward to take in his red cheeks and suspicious behavior- “Lo, are you sick and trying to hide it again?”

“Oh, would you look at the time!” Logan suddenly exclaimed, looking redder by the second as he slipped away from under Virgil’s arms, “I would love to chat some more but I have some important work that needs to be done, goodbye Virgil.”

“Logan, wait-”

Nope, too late, the logical side had already sunk out of the corridor, probably to hide in his room. Virgil sighed, dragging one hand down his face.

Well, it looked like he was going to need to sick Patton on him and hope for the best.

+++

Their final showdown, so to speak, went down during an inconspicuous afternoon, with Deceit and Logan hanging out in the deceitful side’s room. The two were curled on the bed, having initially planned to take a nap only to end up doing what seemed to have become their favorite past time as of late: gushing about Virgil.

“That raccoon has no right being as hot as he is, I swear,” Deceit grumbled, hiding his face in Logan’s chest.

“I know, dear,” Logan hummed, stroking his back. “Virgil is… very aesthetically attractive, and our debates are always great fun.”

“Nerd,” Deceit snorted, looking up at his boyfriend with a small smile. “Do you think he might feel the same?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know,” Logan admitted, a pensive frown on his face. “I do hope so, that’s for sure. Having him as our boyfriend would be… nothing short of wondrous, I suppose.”

“Then why don’t you just ask me?” came a very familiar voice, startling Deceit off of Logan’s chest as the two sides whipped their heads around.

Virgil stared back at them with his usual lopsided smile, leaning on the doorway as he looked at them in clear amusement.

“You guys forgot to lock the door,” he explained.

“Ah,” Logan said, cheeks turning redder by the second as he kept his eyes trained on Virgil.

“You know,” Virgil started, walking deeper into the room as he kicked the door closed behind himself, “I couldn’t help but notice how strangely you’ve both been actin, lately. So I thought I’d come to talk to you guys about it, you know?”

“I go to Logan’s room, but you guys are not there. No big deal, if you weren’t in one room then the other would probably be the correct one. Imagine my surprise as I stand in front of Deceit’s room, seeing it half open as I prepare to knock, only to hear you guys say my name.”

“How-” Deceit cleared his throat, trying to fight down the red staining his cheeks. “How much have you heard?”

“Enough,” Virgil shrugged. “So, are you going to ask me or what?”

Silence fell as Logan and Deceit looked at each other, sharing a silent conversation before Logan reached to squeeze Deceit’s hand and took a deep breath.

“Virgil, we were wondering if you would… be amenable to the idea of joining our relationship?”

Virgil’s grin widened considerably, a laugh escaping his mouth as he quickly erased the few feet left between him and the two sides and leaned forward, kissing them both silly.

“I would very, very much enjoy that, you dorks.” 

(From just outside the door, Remus let out a silent cheer, shimming in place before bolting towards his brother’s room. He had ten hard-earned bucks and a victory to rub on Roman’s face waiting just for him, after all.)

[lailarain]

Spoilers for TBHK

TW: Mentions of s3xu@l åss@ult/@buse, $uicidə and bl00d

Episode 1:

I just finished episode 1 of Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun(Weird title, I know), and I just have to say...

I love Hanako and Nene and I will protect them both with my life🥰

Episode 2:

WOAH Hanako wyd😳

I kinda ship Hanako and Nene tho lol don't attack me

AYO THERE'S AN EYE UNDER YOUR DESK

Wait did Hanako steal her books or was it that eye thingy🤨

The title spelt faires wrong

OH SHOOT THE SCALES

Wait NO DON'T FALL FOR IT NENE IT'S BAIT

YES MA BOI HANAKO TO THE RESCUE

Wait are Yousei from japanese legend, like yokai or oni?

Okay I DEFINITELY SHIP THESE TWO

Wait why does Hanako look kinda said when she says that

awwww Hanako🥺

Wait what is he talking about who was his friend before

Nene is awesome istg🥺

WAIT WHO IS THE BLONDE DUDE WHY IS HE LOOKING FOR HANAKO NO

"I wish a hot guy who fall out the sky for me that way" girl Hanako is literally RIGHT there

Omfg this orange hair f-boy🤨

Wait WASN'T THAT THE NAME OF HER CRUSH

Hanako just standing there like 😐

WAIT NO LEAVE HANAKO ALONE

He tried to not swear in front of her lol

HOLDUP MA PRECIOUS BABY BOI DID NOT MURDER SOMEONE WTF

HOW DARE HE SAY THAT NO ONE WANTS HANAKO AROUND

Jesus Hanako is so cute lol

I honestly can't tell if hanako is an owo boy or a bruh boy istg

OKAY CAN SOMEONE TELL WHO THIS WEIRD RADOI LADY IS AND WHY SHE KEEPS SHOWING UP AT THE END OF THE EPISODE

Episode 3:

(That one part in the intro) Step-yellow sillouette, what you doing😳

For real tho Hanako looks pretty scared during that part of the intro why are they biting his ear(maybe Hanako was a victim of s3xu@l assault?)

Wait isn't Hanako the 7th of the 7 Wonders

Okay that's kinda gross😟

Okay Aoi is pretty sweet😌

WAIT NO AOI SHE WAS TOO PRECIOUS

NO AOI BETTER NOT BE GONE

NO NOT THE BLOOD

What is she talking about he's not hot at all🤨

OH SHOOT IS HE A GHOST

Okay can minamoto leave Hanako alone🙄

Awww Hanako is half hto and half cute I might be a simp

OKAY WOAH THIS PLACE IS COOL

I mean Hanako has a good point😳

NO DON'T ANSWER IT

OKAY WOAH DON'T ASK SOME HIGH SCHOOLER TO GO COLLECT YOUR BODY PARTS NOPE

Okay WOAH how old are you exactly, Hanako?

Okay this fantasy is making me uncomfortable😀

Girl, you're already cute. You don't need to be a Miu Iruma lookalike to find love

THE BOOBS LMAOO😭😭😭😭😭

Awwww Hanako being sweet to Nene🥺

YES HANAKO SAVING THE DAY

Wait why didn't she answer his question🤨

Wait who WAS making those phone calls?

WAIT THE EPISODE IS ALREADY OVER?!?!?!?

Episode 4:

Okay but for real WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE YELLOW SILHOUETTE AND HANAKO IN THE INTRO?!?!?!

Wait I just noticed that in the part with the yellow silhouette, Hanako is tied up with rope😳

Okay here's my theory:

When Hanako was alive, he was a student at the school. He was s3xu@lly a$$aulted in the bathroom, and muđəred his attacker out of anger/mental instability, therefore cursing him to the bathroom he was assaulted in. He became a ghost to make up for his sins.

Idk I could be totally off-base

HOLY FUCK IT'S A HEAD

IT'S THE BODY LMAOOO

Wait she actually likes it🤨

HOLY SHIT EWWWWWW

WAIT WHAT NO NOT AOI

WHAT THE FUCK NOOOOOO NOT AOI

WAIT YES AOI ISN'T DEAD

Hanako is so sweet istg.

HANAKO REALLY JUST PUSHED HER OFF THE EDGE LIKE A PSYCHOPATH AJAGRKEBDUDBD

Can she not spell or something🤨

WAIT WAS THE GHOST A STUDENT OF MISAKI

Wait she had a crush on her teacher that's so gross

Oh no. The student didn't know Misaki was murdered🥺

WAIT NO THIS IS SAD

OH SHOOT THAT IS DARK

aww she misses the teacher🥺

YES HANAKO MY BOY

WAIT HANAKO NO HE'S HURT

Nene is really fed up😳

WAIT WHAT NO SHE'S GONNA DIE?!?!?!?!

Awwww poor girl🥺

Why'd she have to die😭

Little Fox is mean😑

WAIT DID HE JUST KISS HER YES BABY

WAIT WHO'S THAT GREEN-HAIR GIRL

HE FORGOT ABOUT MINAMOTO LMAOOO😭

Episode 5:

Okay BUT WHO IS GRABBING HANAKO IN THE INTRO ISTG

LMAO SHE WAS FANTASIZING😭😭😭

Okay but she's SO pretty with her in a braid

Are you sure there was NOTHING good about that😏

YES AOI MY GIRL GIVING HER GOOD ADVICE

But I doubt Hanako would admit it

WAIT DID HANAKO PLANT THAT TREE OR AM I PARANOID

I'm excited to see how THIS plays out😁

HANAKO WHAT DID YOU SAYYYYY

WAIT IS HE REALLY GONNA DO IT

WAIT ARE THESE BITCHES GAYYYYYY

Wait what if the tree curses people

GIRL ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT HANAKO ISN'T HOT AS IS!?!?!?

WAIT YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS THIS IS SO COOL

WAIT WHAT'S THE CATCH

Of course he didn't actaully mean it THIS SUCKS😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE'S HOLDING HER I REPEAT HE'S HOLDING HER

poor Nene

WAIT OH NO SHE'S CRYING

WAIT DOES HE ACTUALLY LIKE HER

HE'S BLUSHING WHAT

YES YES YES YES YES YESSSSSSSS

WAIT HE'S RIGHT THERE

I was right they have the same last name!

WAIT THIS BITCH BETTER NOT COME BETWEEN HANAKO AND NENE

CAN THIS BITCH SHUT UP

TERU STOP IT RN

Okay I kinda feel bad for Kou rn🥺

HOW IS HE ANY OF THOSE THINGS

Wait who is that girl🤨

YES I WANNA FIND OUT MORE ABOUT HANAKO

THE GREEN HAIR GIRL AND NATSU-SOMETHING ARE UP TO NO GOOD I CAN FEEL IT

Wait WHY WAS HANAKO SMILING

I have a bad feeling about this.

Episode 6:

Yeah Hanako really seems like the good guy🤨

WOAH what's up with the door?

I love the Mokkes🥺

It's her book😶

WOAH OKAY THEN SHE REALLY IS IN LOVE

WAIT WHY IS THERE BLOOD

HOLDUP HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT

HANAKO MA BOI

WOAH OKAY YES HE'S HOLDING HER

DID HE JUST EAT THE BUTTERFLY

God I love Hanako

WAIT YOU'RE GONNA CANCEL THE WHAT NOW

Ooooooo I wanna heae some juicy secrets😏

Girl, that secret wasn't juicy at all🙄

Wait what does the library ghost know🤨

SAY SOMETHING HANAKO YES

He's so cute tho

BUT I LOVE DONUTS TOO HOW IS THAT JUICY

HANAKO YOU WERE LOOKING REAL PROTECTIVE OF HER THEN😏😏😏

I feel bad for Nene because they keep saying her legs are fat, as if the boys that say that are gonna get any better. NENE IS A FREAKIN CATCH😤😤😤

Wait what is he talking about Hanako😶

WAIT HE IS TALKING ABOUT HANAKO, ISN'T HE

WAIT HANAKO WAS HIS STUDENT HE'S SO CUTE

Awwwww Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺

WAIT HANAKO ISN'T EVEN HIS NAME!??!?!? IT'S YUGI?!?!?!?

Awwwww Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Wait, so did Hanako commit $uicidə, or am I just paranoid?

Wait so that means that happened on the day of July 15, 1969.......SO HOW OLD IS HANAKO AGAIN?!?!?!?!?

WAIT SO HE NEVER GOT HIS DREAM TO COME TRUE BECAUSE HE DIED THAT'S SO SAD

Wait so am I right DID HE REALLY COMMIT $UICIDƏ ?!?!?!?

I THINK HANAKO SMELLS A SNITCH

Man this is a lot to unpack for just one episode

Episode 7:

I love how childish Hanako is

WAIT I SAW THE YELLOW SILOUETTE THING AGAIN AND I HAVE A THOUGHT:

What if Hanako got those bruises because of the səxua| ass@ult thing I said before? That would make sense.

Idk maybe I'm just too obsessed with that theory

I see Hanako differently after the Library too, but in a different way.

What why the donuts?

He's totally lying. I bet he's gonna make some for Hanako🥺

Okay but Kou is actually pretty sweet

I mean, if he DID murder someone who bullied him, they had it coming for touching my precious Hanako😤

Yous shouldn't stop being friends with someone just because it's complicated. ALL friendships are complicated. It isn't supposed to be easy.

Awwww Nene🥺🥺🥺

Okay I'm kinda hungry for donuts now

Ugh it's Teru🙄

Okay KOU YOU'RE ACTUALLY PRETTY COOL

Okay Teru YOU SUCK SO MUCH

SO ARE THE GREEN HAIR AND NASTU-SOMETHING BIY EVIL OR NOT I'M SO CONFUSED

Hanako is so cute sometimes istg

POOR HANAKO OOF

YES NENE😤😤

THEY ARE BLUSHING I REPEAT THEY ARE BLUSHING

"You're totally not my type" okay first of all that is bullshit and second of all get yourself a boy who's chill when you say you don't like them

OKAY WHAT'S GOING ON

HE'S GOLDING HER

Wait why does Hanako look terrified that's not good

HOLDUP WHO DID HE KILL WHY IS THERE AN AD RIGHT WHEN IT'S ABOUT TO SAY WHO HE KILLED

WOAH WHO THE FUCK IS THAT WHY DO THEY LOOK LIKE HANAKO WHAT IS GOING ON AHDVEKDVEIDVDJ

GET YOUR HAND OFF OF HIS FACE THIS GUY TOTALLY $EXU@LLY @SSAULTED HIM

YES NENE PROTECT YOUR MAN

HOLY SHIT HE'S BURNING

DID HE REALLY JUST RE-TRAUMATIZE HANAKO AND THEN LEAVE?!?!?!?

WAIT WHAT IS HANAKO DOING

WAIT HE'S CRYING

HANAKO WHAT'S WRONG

I WANNA GIVE HANAKO A HUG SO BADLY ISTG

WAIT SO THERE'S THE ONES CHANGING THE RUMORS?

OKAY WHO IS THIS BITCH

Wait THAT'S HIS BROTHER WHY DID HE KILL HIS BROTHER

This partially denies the possiblity of my theory(MOSTLY denies it), but not entirely. There's a big chance I'm wrong.

WAIT SO SAKURA IS THE ONE DOING THE RADIO THING?!?!?!

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT

Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺

I have a feeling that that is probably jsut a random student😅

Hanako, I hate it when you're sad😭😭😭

WAIT SO HIS EARRING WAS FOR TRAFFIC SAFETY THE WHOLE TIME LMAOOOOO

OKAY WOAH BACK UP GHOST-PERSON

KOU IS NOT A M0ŁƏ$TER

Wait that was the whole episode?

Episode 8:

Okay the person @ssaulting(maybe even $exua||y @$$aulting idk I think I'm just obsessed with that theory) in the intro is definitely his brother

Mitsuba is kinda weird and annoying, but also funny at the same time

Excuse me Traffic safety is no joke😐

WAIT SO HE KNEW MITSUBA AND JUST FORGOT?!?!?!?

Awwww Mitsuba🥺🥺🥺🥺

No Mitsuba you're cool

KOU WHAT THE F ARE YOU SAYING

AWWWWW THIS IS SO SWEET

MITSUBA I SEE YOU BLUSHING😏😏😏😏

MITSUBA NOOOOOOOOOO

TSUKASA STOP IT

NO POOR MITSUBA STOP IT

HOW DARE THEY

NOOOOOO MITSUBA AAAAAAAA

OKAY IMA BOUT TO THROW HANDS WITH TSUKASA, WHO'S WITH ME😤😤😤😤

TSUKASA YOU SICK SEDUCER STOP LYING TO MITSUBA

NOOOOOOOOO MITSUBA

POOR HANAKO LEAVE HIM ALONE TSUKASA

Okay "Let's play together like we used to" really sounds like $exu@l @$$ault

Kou🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

Awwww Hanako🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

NO THIS ISN'T THE WAY MITSUBA SHOULD GO OUT NO

I'm am so close to crying rn

OH KOU JUST REALIZED WHAT HE WAS TAKING A PHOTO OF AWWWWW

Okay wow all of that really happened in one episode

Episode 9:

I'm sorry that I won't shut up about my theory BUT THAT ONE PART REALLY LOOKS LIKE WHAT I THINK IT IS I SWEAR

I feel so bad for Hanako rn tho

Omfg It's Natsuhiko🙄

Nene stop it this dude is BAD NEWS

WAIT NO THEY BETTER NO DO ANYTHING TO MY PRECIOUS NENE ISTG

I HAVE THE SAME QUESTIONS, NENE

FRIENDS MY ASS

(To be continued here because I ran out of space)

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #186

UPDATE 186: Political Assassination

Last time John finally got that tooth off his chest, and Jake agreed to give his endorsement to Karkaroni. Now what will happen? Let’s see.

Has it been days since Jade has been sitting on that couch, levitating and with her eyes completely black? Given everything that has happened in the meantime it sure feels like it has. Roxy’s getting worried, she tried to call Rose but she didn’t respond, so instead he goes for the next option she has: Dave. Who immediately brags about working to stop Jane from screwing up everything. The words ‘neoliberal austerity measures’ are unsaid but they’re like an echo when Dave talks about the presidential campaign, I bet. He’s busy handling Jake’s endorsement speech.

ROXY: i guess in the grand scheme of things

ROXY: shes just takin a sort of nap

ROXY: but its one HELL of a nap bro

‘one hell of a nap, davey, shes been blacked out for, like, a week’

It seems the troll candidate is more popular with the trolls and the carapacians than with the humans and consorts. How don’t they have more consort supporters? Hopefully Jake’s endorsement will change that.

ROXY: lmao dirk just texted me about this

ROXY: somehow he found out about jade did u tell him

DAVE: uh no

ROXY: he just said make sure she gets lotsa daylight

ROXY: that itll help with the “exorcism she needs”.....

ROXY: and also to say hi to calliope for some fuckin reason??

DAVE: thats weird

Well that makes clear what the best course of action is: don’t open the windows nor place her anywhere in the daylight. If Dirk’s advice will help with the exorcism she needs – to get Dead Calliope out – then it’s a bad idea. I’m enjoying this epilogue much more with Dead Calliope controlling the narrative, thanks.

It’s alarming Kanaya isn’t picking up either. Could Dirk have gotten rid of her? I sure hope not! Kanaya has done nothing wrong and deserves to stay alive, what with being the professional when it’s about troll reproduction. She better still be fine and kicking!

DAVE: i gotta give karkat some emotional support

DAVE: since gettin jake on our side was a pretty huge fucking bonanza for us

DAVE: which has almost equal probability of winning us the election as it does blowing up in our faces depending on this speech he gives

DAVE: so we gotta like

DAVE: concentrate here?????

DAVE: instead of jerking each other off all god damned day for the rest of our lives

DAVE: (im just joking we dont actually do that)

ROXY: oh

They don’t do that, much to Jade’s disappointment, I bet. Either way, it’s speech time!

The struggle to take control of the narrative is a petty squabble, says Dirk, taking the high ground by offering Dead Calliope a way out. Buddy, pal, friend, you can’t take the high ground and then insinuate Calliope is ugly as sin. That is petty.

Apparently everybody thinks Dave loves Karkaroni, and although I believe that too, it’s fine if Dave never comes to terms to that. The guy marches at the beat of his own drum, he’ll be fine. This kind of thing can’t be forced on him. Speaking of things that can’t be forced, Roxy wants to know how Dave came out to everyone else as not straight. Oh dear, Roxy, I don’t think Dave ever did that. You’re asking the wrong person – unless you want the answer to be ‘deny it for like eight years now’.

He’s not really denying it right now, though. Maybe he did come out to the others and I didn’t find out until now. He’s not comfortable enough with rapping about ‘boning dudes’ in middle of a stadium where so many people can see him, but he’s not running away from the question. Way to go, Dave! I approve character growth!

Somehow Dave has this entire spiel about all the steps of admitting not being straight. On what phase are you, Dave? Inquiring minds want to know. I’d paste the entire thing here, because it’s pretty good stuff, but it’d feel like I’m applying filler for the sake of applying filler, so I won’t.

Dirk really doesn’t want a conversation about gender. Personally I have to agree because, even though this is great for development and I appreciate all of Dave’s steps, this is kind of a random place to shove this in. Pretty bad place, really. It’d have been great at a different moment.

Horrendously invasive of Roxy’s deepest personal thoughts.

...uh, Dirk, you know what else is horrendously invasive? Taking over the narration and manipulating people around. Also the assimilation plan, that’s more than horrendously invasive.

Okay, this is going for long enough.

DIRK: Do you even know where I am right now?

DIRK: Do you have the slightest idea what I’m up to?

the prince is laboring under the delusion that he has been the least bit subtle in his intentions. he currently stands beneath the carapacian bell tower, poised to climb to the top. he holds the long, red sniper rifle that once belonged to roxy, brandishing it openly and boldly. he seems mysteriously oblivious to the fact that holding a long rifle in broad daylight somewhat tips one to the fact that he soon intends to shoot someone from a great distance. he also seems unaware of the fact that i know perfectly well that the top of this tower has a clear, long-range view of the stadium, allowing any competent sniper a clear shot of whoever happens to be standing at the podium as they give a speech. as jake english is about to do.

he also doesn’t seem to realize i have anticipated his attempt to assassinate his own friend in order to advance his political goals, and that i am prepared to take measures which make this impossible.

It really sounds like Dirk’s getting ready to shoot, he’s up at the right place and has a view of the stadium where Jake will be, but...I don’t know, ever since Roxy said Dirk messaged her about keeping Jade in the sunlight for ‘an exorcism’ I have been feeling uneasy, and now that this all was said just now, well, I kind of suspect Dirk may try to shoot and kill Jade. It sure would free her of Dead Calliope’s control and possibly give him back the control of the narrative. It’s a possibility, no?

Somehow the next few paragraphs resembles a schoolyard roleplaying fight. ‘You can’t reach the top of the stairs because...your feet feel really heavy’ ‘really? Then I can fly’ ‘and then the bell came crashing down on you!’ ‘I cut that stupid bell with my sword!’ ‘not fair!’ ‘yes fair!’.  It’s endearing in its own way.

DIRK: He wonders out loud, “what is this, amateur hour”?

DIRK: The Dead Cherub then humorlessly narrates, “why, yes. yes mr. strider, it IS amateur hour. and i’m the amateur here, for throwing a huge bell at you. i would like to humbly apologize for my amateurism.”

no i don’t.

DIRK: Sure you do.

I’m having fun with this part, guys, I really am! This is great.

This is over when Dead Calliope, trying to stop the focus on Dirk and his increasingly petty narration, turns the attention back to Dave who must still be explaining to Roxy the intricacies of coming out to their friends. I see keeping a show in a standstill is a Strider family trait.

DAVE: well lets just say internalized whatevers are kind of like an onion

DAVE: theres lots of layers

DAVE: they suck on pizza

DAVE: and trolls have to get their stomach pumped if they eat them

That has got to be the most contrived simile Dave has said in recent history.

Dirk continues saying very clearly he’s about to shoot Jake, and the more he states that so bluntly the more I suspect there’s something else going on.

‘Xenophobe’ and related words are starting to stop looking like a real word. It just has been said so many times.

Everything is making Dave feel like something’s wrong – undoubtedly Dead Calliope’s influence – so he gets in the path of any potential bullets, protecting Jake with his own body.

and despite dave’s quick and well-justified action, what is also unbeknownst to him is that the sniper no longer poses a threat of pulling that trigger. because everyone knows that for all of the prince’s shortcomings, he would never expose his beloved brother and son to the risk of a heroic death.

DIRK: You’re absolutely right.

DIRK: I would never do that.

DIRK: I’d never kill Dave, no matter what I felt the stakes were. I’d never hurt him either.

I’m pretty willing to bet taking over Dave’s self doesn’t count as killing or hurting him, therefore it’s fair game. Dave would be pretty unhappy to know what Dirk’s doing, anyway. The narrative reveals what’s in the sniper rifle are not bullets, they’re tranquilizers. It’d be a non-fatal way of keeping someone out of the way for a while. The second thing Dead Calliope got wrong, though...

DIRK: Yes. You’re right about the tranquilizer.

DIRK: But there’s one more fact you’re not aware of.

DIRK: Which is that I never intended to aim for Jake at all.

Well then! Turns out I may have been right about that he intends to shoot Jade. He must feel really confident about it if he can announce it aloud after aaaall the charades he did to fool Dead Calliope. Is it Jade, Dirk? Will you tranquilize Jade and pretty much put her to sleep – non-fatally?

Dirk spins in what must be the tiniest bell tower ever, given he only has to spin to change direction and be able to aim somewhere else, and gets ready to shoot. All Dead Calliope can do is freeze Dirk’s finger on the trigger, but he thought ahead and made the rifle to be voice-operated. All he has to do is say ‘fire’. Which he does! Game over for Dead Calliope?

Pretty good aim, hitting a vein from all this distance. Jade indeed has gotten tranquilized, and I’m pretty sure given this isn’t the first time Dirk uses tranquilizers – he uses them in TV – it shouldn’t be too hard for anyone to realize this is Dirk’s orangey shady hand making the moves.

The insult against Jade is uncalled for, Dirk. But yeah, the result of all this is that Dirk is once again back in control of the narrative, which makes me sigh with exasperation. I really liked Dead Calliope’s narration more than Dirk’s, so I’m not looking forward to this change.

Roxy drops to her knees by the couch, pulls the dart out of Jade’s neck, and tries to shake her awake. But it’s no use. That’s a heavy dose I gave her. Could be out for weeks. Maybe months? Can’t have any cherubs messing with my business on this planet. At least not until I’ve taken my leave. But Jade’s gonna be fine. Don’t worry about that.

So...she’s pretty much in a coma. Could be worse, could be worse. She could be dead. This is barely better.

Cherubs are fuckin’ weird, I’ll totally concede. Still not sure what makes them tick. What they idealize, what they really want. It all comes across to me as a little cloying. Perfection to them is a sweetness beyond comprehension. Sugar so potent it’s poison to us. To our bodies, to our souls. Like the place she was operating from was a realm of self-construction. A bubble of pure, phantasmal confection.

Well, I for one have had enough of that goddamn toothache. I’m back in the protein saddle, motherfuckers. I’m clacking my tongs, and the charcoal is hot.

Now who’s hungry for meat?

Does that mean the candy epilogue is all Dead Calliope’s influence seeping through instead of Dirk’s? It could be interesting to see what kind of thing she does to the world. Although...given the effects of the trickster lollipop and how ‘sweetness beyond comprehension’ is perfection to them, it’s bound to be nightmarish. I’m actually looking forward to that!

Speaking of meat, holy shit. You just look more fucked up every time we come back to you, don’t you, John?

You’re a disgraceful mess right now. Covered in blood, mysteriously sticky, bruised all over your arms, legs, and neck. Terezi practically raked rows into your back. You catch sight of yourself in the rearview mirror. You’re kind of embarrassed by what a postcoital train wreck you look like when all she’s got is mussed hair. And you should be embarrassed. Seriously, it’s like you were mauled by a wild animal. Jesus, don’t either of you have any shame?

Ah. Okay then, good for them, although I’m pretty concerned. Such a physically intensive activity can’t be good for the guy with a gaping hole in the chest and the troll who still must be half-starved. I won’t be surprised if these two just pass out and die anytime soon. I’m not entirely sure, but it seems things are awkward now between these two. Maybe it was all a spur-of-the-moment move.

You sit together on the hatch, like when you first met up days ago. Terezi crawls into your arms, and nuzzles right up against your chest so you have no choice but to hold on to her. You would have done it anyway if she asked, because you’re a total sap. The kind of guy who no doubt thinks banging a girl in a car is some deep, soul-shattering experience that bonds you for life. Yeah, John, you do think that. You think that you and Terezi are basically married now.

I can’t tell if he really thinks that or if Dirk’s funneling those thoughts into him. The line between what the character feels and what Dirk wants them to feel is pretty blurry by now.

After all this, Terezi gives up on looking for Vriska, so this is a prime moment for her to fly by and find them. She doesn’t, though, and John proposes Terezi to go home with him. Can they even go home? John is so tired it’s possible they can’t – which he really should have thought about before doing said physically intensive activity. Nobody to blame but yourself, John. Seriously, you have an open wound and bled like four liters of blood. You’re as good as dead.

He feels the urge to lie down and sleep, which is a pretty bad idea given the situation. Terezi rouses him up, so instead he decides to give this a try and zap back home. Hmmmm...if he’s so tired right now, it’s possible the act of zapping home will drain whatever energy he has left, so I’m not...very optimistic about John’s chances of survival. Would this count as a heroic death? Can you die from a heroic death if you die like two weeks after the offending injury is made? If he dies from exertion after having sex with Terezi that doesn’t count as a death because having sex with Terezi is neither heroic nor just, no? Oh well.

Back in the stadium, the inexistent assassination attempt may have given Karkaroni a push in the polls, and Dirk spends quite a while brandishing Jake like a piece of meat. Really, can he be treated as more than a flat character whose only non-flat trait is his posterior? Jake’s nervous and fidgets around, so much Dave and Karkaroni show concern and offer to cancel the speech and/or the campaign. It seems our favorite presidential troll still doesn’t like the idea of having leadership, he’s ready to throw the towel anytime. Jake insists he can do it, so he starts!

I don’t remember Dirk being so outright antagonistic in Homestuck. It’s making me pretty uncomfortable, I have to admit. It feels kind of out of nowhere, just like Jane’s sudden xenophobic inclinations are. What was Hussie thinking when he wrote all this? What was his intention?

Jake’s getting pretty nervous and I can’t tell if he’s getting stage fright or if Dirk’s influencing him to be nervous. The latter is a possibility, no? Wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what’s going on.

Why don’t you have a good, long think about that, Jake.

Is this really the time for a good, long think? Jake muses to himself, actually putting a finger to his chin like some public domain clip art picture of a befuddled guy. If the crowd is confused by his rapid-cycle mood changes, they don’t show it. Jake’s got a bit of a day-drinking problem, which has been slavishly documented in the global tabloids. That’s how you avoid responsibility, isn’t it, Jake? You can fool your fans, but not yourself. The truth is that there’s a canniness to the act. It’s partially cultivated. You’re stupid, but you’re not nearly as stupid as you pretend to be.

JAKE: What in the devil was i thinking coming here?

JAKE: Why did I...?

JAKE: I came here to...

... slide the biggest knife any motherfucker ever wielded directly into your friend Jane Crocker’s back?

She loves you, Jake, more than anything, and you toyed with her heart. And you would have guiltlessly toyed with her “kettle drums” too had it not been for a bit of divine intervention, let’s decide to call it.

Sigh. That’s...that’s all I can do with all this. Sigh and keep reading. Third time I’m scrolling through the epilogue a tad faster than I should. It’s pretty much an entire page of gaslighting. Nothing really worth delving into, mainly because it’s pretty uncomfortable to read such a thing. Dirk’s being the abusive ex, pretty much. Nothing really worthwhile.

JAKE: I love dirk!

JAKE: IM IN *LOVE* WITH DIRK!!!

 And to love Dirk is to obey him.

You know, there are a few reasons why I’m thinking of liveblogging these epilogues. I’ll explain them later, but right now I may as well say a word of two: the epilogue is competently written. The events in it are interesting, and the interactions are raw and full of emotion. It’s all pretty unpleasant to read, which makes it a bit novel, like swallowing bitter medicine. It’s pretty good, in a technical way.

But it simply doesn’t work with Homestuck characters. It just doesn’t.

Anyway, let’s continue scrolling down to the end of the page and go to the next.

I was right in that zapping back to Earth C would take what was left of John’s energy. He barely can give three steps before he falls down, so it’s all up to Terezi now. She wants to bring John to Jane, so she can revive him. I don’t think she has revived him before, so it should be a good idea. It’d be better to bring Jane to John, though.

It doesn’t matter. This isn’t a wound you can recover from. It’s Game Over this time: no healing, no afterlife, no cosmic clock proclaiming your sacrifice as Heroic. The poison needling through you is antithetical to narrative relevance. You’re not dying, John. You’re being erased. Cherubs don’t fuck around. We’ve both been learning that the hard way.

Oh, nevermind, it’s something not even Jane with her life powers can fix. I wonder if, once John is erased, nobody will remember him. That’s what happens when there’s no place for you in a narrative, no? Hmmm...

John already know he’s irreversibly going to die, and tells Terezi not to waste her time, that he was dead the moment Lord English bit him. Which is true, given this poison. Then he says he was dead the moment he woke up that morning, which...I suppose is the depression talking.

You died the moment you made the decision to go meet your destiny. You would have lived if you made the other decision, under a certain definition of the word “living.” You might have even lived until the end of your immortal life span, as shitty as that sounds.

So he’d have lived for the rest of his life if he had decided to do nothing. Makes sense. This may have been for the better, given Lord English needed to be defeated, so it’s time well-spent. It’s rather unfortunate it involves John’s death, but...in a way I saw this coming. Pretty tragic outcome, and given this epilogue has been chock-filled with a lot of tragedy and pessimistic scenarios, it only made sense this would happen.

It’s dying words time! Terezi is really affected because she really cares for John, and also they had a ‘emotionally significant sexual encounter’, so she’s even willing to listen to all the sappy stuff John will say in his deathbed. This is bound to be rather emotional! And the fact he can’t even think of something appropriate to say in his final moments is what makes it emotional because this isn’t how he imagined this would go. He can’t even think of quotes from his movies. Terezi offers to tell everyone John Egbert said some cool stuff in his final moments and make everybody believe it somehow, so instead John goes straight towards the sappy and tragic. There he goes!

JOHN: i think... i really lo—

TEREZI: DONT YOU D4R3

JOHN: i... r-really lov—

TEREZI: DONT YOU D4R3 FUCK1NG D13 ON M3 1N TH3 M1DDL3 OF 4 LOV3 CONF3SS1ON!

TEREZI: 1 FORB1D 1T!!!

JOHN: but... i...

JOHN: i...

Then John dies in the middle of a love confession.

Love confession on the deathbed! It’s like this truly came from a movie, haha. Terezi is devastated, so much she can’t even bring herself to cry properly. Once she confirms he’s dead, she ponders what she should do now, alone in the world John wanted to bring her to. She doesn’t have anything else to do, so after a moment – and at Dirk’s behest – she takes John’s corpse in Dad Egbert’s wallet and starts walking.

It has been a month already. Jane won the election after what I figure was Jake’s endorsement speech for her, so that’s that. Terezi has been rather lost this whole month, and nobody has seen John Egbert – instead of saying he’s dead -- so I suppose she hasn’t told anyone he’s dead. Rose has been missing the entire time and Kanaya has been pushed around by Dirk’s machinations to keep him distracted while he keeps Rose locked away somewhere, both mentally and physically, I figure. All in all, it’s a pretty grim outlook for everybody in Homestuck. Also, Jade is still in coma. Terezi goes to visit her, perhaps to tell her what happened to John?

Dirk continues being so salty Roxy’s experimenting with her gender, apparently. Aren’t there a million other things to deal with, pal?

Roxy is very glad to see Terezi, and she takes Terezi thinking she’s Dave as a compliment. She also compliments Terezi, giving her some heartache because it makes her remember the time she spent with John. It may have been a few hours, apparently. Time works in mysterious ways up there in paradox space!

The reason Terezi is here is because she feels John would come here, and she’s right, I bet. John would want to check on Jade as much as he can, so now that she’s carrying John’s cadaver around, she feels she should handle this all herself. It’s also confirmed she hasn’t told anyone John is dead.

ROXY: back when jade first got all effed up callie saw somethin and it made them freak out

ROXY: it took me weeks to convince them that it was safe to come home

ROXY: but now we got the opposite problem and they arent leavin the house at all

ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls

TEREZI: WH4T?

ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise

ROXY: some of it is like

ROXY: weird and violent??

ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um

ROXY: nudity????

TEREZI: >:?

ROXY: yeah yikes

ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit

ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy

ROXY: so it was hard as hell to convince them to let me come see jade at all

ROXY: its like theyre traumatized

ROXY: and they think ill drag whatever possessed jade back into our home with me

So the end result for Calliope is that she’s traumatized. Seeing a dead version of herself possessing Jade must have really rattled her. As I said, this is all pretty grim for everyone in Homestuck, goodness. Although...part of me wonders if her current state is partly because of Dirk’s influence. He’s petty enough to mess with the living Calliope’s head as a ‘take that’ for Dead Calliope.

Someone tries to contact Terezi through her phone, she’s not sure who it’d be. Perhaps Dirk? He did show a preference to sending messages to his former friends and acquaintances. As if things weren’t awkward enough for Terezi, she’s asked if she knows what happened to John. Terezi, you can’t keep this under wraps forever. Sooner or later you have to tell everyone John died because of injuries in Lord English’s fight.

It seems Terezi can hear Dirk perfectly even when he’s talking in the narration, I suppose it’s because of her aspect. Oh, be careful with the stuff you say, Dirk! She’s also willing to whisper stuff to address Dirk, even if it gets odd looks from other people. On the other hand, this kind of leaves her more vulnerable to Dirk’s machinations, no? Part of manipulating people is responding to what they say, so with some luck this won’t go belly-up.

Once the conversation is over Roxy leaves and Dirk exposits Terezi still feels guilty about hiding John’s death from everyone, and she can’t even confide in Dave because of mistakes she did as a teenager in another timeline. It’s the curse of having the Mind aspect, isn’t it? Knowing what the choices cause. All of Dirk’s exposition bothers Terezi enough for her to tell him to scram, and he refuses to do so.

Come on, Terezi. You don’t belong here. You know you don’t belong here.

Do you feel threatened by Terezi, Dirk? Is that why you’re trying to push her away? I don’t think Terezi has anything that could be particularly useful against Dirk’s plans, so I’m not sure why he’s bothering to mess with her like this. She even points out they barely have crossed words.

Okay, I believe he feels threatened by her in some manner because he tries to convince her to join him in...some place. More like he wants her out of Earth C. He even offers to let her take John with her, which is why I’m sure he made her pick up the corpse, so he could manipulate her by using John. He finally leaves her alone with her thoughts, sure he managed to convince her enough. We’ll see.

Stopping for now!

Next time: next update

[thebrotherswholoved]

stranger: *crying* your son hit me in the face! Sam: Jack! Why did you do that??? Jack: The bitch said 'what are those?' i just gave him a closer look.

sorry this took so long, love! I kinda sorta forgot to post it one here…oops:/ hope you enjoy (I kind changed the prompt a bit, hope that’s alright)

fanfiction: or worse…expelled

Summary: a blessed tumblr user (@say-yes-to-hole) gave me a prompt—and I thought I’d be a jolly lad and deliver (oops I kinda changed it a wee bit)

Content: Jack’s 3 Dads, AU where TFW 2.0 can be happy without dying, normal kid stuff, Cas being an asexual cutie pie, obviously wincest (not explicit–it’s mentioned like maybe five times), Domestic Fluff, Friendship Bracelets

Read on Ao3

Dean has always known where this life would  lead him. It didn’t seem far fetched a year ago to envision his own  death at the hands a hungry ghoul, emaciated vamp, or even at the hands  of the monster they let into their home, the one he denied and denied as  part of his adopted family until he was out of breath. Last year, Dean  only saw pseudo-infant Jack Kline as a threat, not only to his clan but  to the world.

He’d  always thought he knew that the road so far would continue into the  dead end ahead, that he’d never escape this hunter hell to fulfil his  desperate pleas for domestic life, locked gun storage, and worn sigils  under wallpaper and rugs, long forgotten by their Michelangelo.

He  never in a million years thought that he’d be here: sitting in shitty  lunchroom chair between his now-official adopted son and  brother-turned-lover, who’s trying to send a bat signal to the couple’s  fallen angel friend (and coparent) while side-eyeing the terrifying  woman in front of them. He’s gotten so lost in the blue-green-yellow  abyss of Sam’s eyes that he’s forgotten altogether why the hell he’s  sitting here—that is, until he reads the plaque on the desk before the  quartet.

Mrs. Harriet Allen

Dean of Students and President of Scholastic Affairs

Oh, yeah. This buzzkill is trying to buzz-kill  his son, which he hopes she knows isn’t going to happen. He may have  had a spinal injury five months ago but he can still body-bag her if  need be. In an unfortunate turn of events, she notices the devious grin  forming on Dean’s face in all the grotesque insanity of “all work and no  play makes Jack a dull boy.”

“Is something funny, Mr.  Winchester?” She snaps at him. He watches her wrinkles crease and  release with anger and has to look away to avoid snort-laughing.

“Not at all, Harriet,” he pops his lips with a stern gaze of challenging authority and a smug raise of his eyebrow.

Sam  gives him a look that says “what the hell are you doing” and flinches when she shuts the drawer of her IKEA desk (the builder of which, per  Dean, did a shitty job assembling it) in a rather abrupt and terrifying way. Dean doesn’t even flinch, but becomes intrigued when she maintains  eye contact while flipping open an ominous-looking manila folder. The thing has four, maybe five pieces of paper enclosed and has been  desecrated with shaky, all-uppercase letters spelling out the words  “KLINE-WINCHESTER, JACK.”

“My  plaque says Mrs. Allen and so you will call me Mrs. Allen,” her  thick-rimmed glasses dip on her ski slope nose when she narrows her gaze  at Cas, who hasn’t uttered a thing in almost ten minutes.

Pushing  the lenses back to magnify her grey-black eyes, she clears her throat  and looks at Jack, who’s been twiddling his thumbs and fiddling with his  bracelets since they arrived. “Mr. Kline-Winchester, do you know why  I’ve called you and your…retinue here today?”

“These are my dads,” he clarifies with a meek flicker of his hooded eyes. “And, yeah, I do, ma’am.”

“Alright, and would you like to tell your dads what  the reason is?” She shuffles her chair—faux leather, Dean notes, already shriveling and flaking apart—forward to intimidate. Mrs Allen  sees these three men as unruly subjects to her velvet fist, but it’s  revealed by her heel tapping beneath the desk that she sees Dean as more  of a threat to her authority than the rest of Jack’s “retinue.”

Jack  glances down the row at Sam, who’s trying to be a stern father by  raising an eyebrow—an empty gesture to say the least, and then moves to distracted-by-superiority Dean, and ends at Cas, poor Cas and his  helpless glint of confused trepidation that has become his defining  characteristic.

Inhaling  a shaky breath laced with lack of understanding at his offence, he  begins his avowal in this hell of a confessional. “I…hit someone.”

Mrs Allen leans forward again. “Where did you hit them?”

“In  the face. Inferior to the nasal bone.” He says in a signature “Castiel”  matter-of-fact way—no room for bullshit. Sam can’t help but let out a  breathy chuckle at his use of the terms he learned in Anatomy last week,  the exam on which he got a 98 percent. “I didn’t feel any cracking. It  was a low-impact hit, and it’d cause a superficial bruise at the w—“

“That’s  enough, thank you,” Harriet puts her hand up to stop the inevitable  spiel about medical terminology. God, Sam loves his quirky nerd of a  son. “Why did you hit Mr. Hiscock?”

Dean  snorts and doesn’t even try to hide it. He actually feels bad for this  Hiscock kid—not because of Jack’s ‘low-impact’ punch but because his  last name is just unfortunate. Mrs Allen really hates that he did that, and slams her fist down on the table.

“That is incredibly  inappropriate, Mr Winchester,” she grumbles, but all Dean can see is  Nurse Ratchet in her place. Poor Jack has to be Danny DeVito, though. He  mouths a mocking apology and sits back in his chair like he did as a  jock in high school. “Jack, continue. Why did you hit…Ivan?”

“Well, I didn’t mean  to hit him.” Jack attempts to explain his “extensive misconduct” as the  letter said—fuck, Sam thought he’d been caught having sex or smoking  pot. The reality is that Jack Kline in all his purity thinks sex is for  marriage and “pot” is for flowers. “I think he misunderstood…or maybe I  did.”

Harriet  squints her eyes at the boy and folds her arms, wedding rings becoming  visible. Dean’s concentration is playing Never Have I Ever with some  drunk sophomores in the janitor’s closet by now, but he finds it  surprising that she found someone to marry at all. Maybe she’d been  preppy and beautiful in her youth, but her significant other could still  ride his Acorn stair-lift to freedom.

“What could Ivan have misunderstood, Jack?”

The  sixteen-year-old literal toddler watches Cas fiddle with his trench  coat button and sighs. “Well…he asked me about my bracelets.”

Mrs  Allen moves to scan his wrists for these supposed wristbands but can’t  see his hands over her giant plaque. “What bracelets?”

“Oh,  these!” He perks up like Dean had snuck him a Pixie Stick or something, surprising everyone in the room. Jack jerks his wrists into the air and  smiles. “Cas got a kit for Christmas, and so Sam, Dean, and Cas made  some for me. They’re supposed to be friendship bracelets, but I like to call them ‘family bracelets.’”

Sam is the first to show his blue-green threaded band with a soft smile. “Mine says ‘happiness is only real when shared.” It’s a quote from Into the Wild.”

“And mine,” Dean rolls up his sleeve to reveal his own purple and red wristband, “says ‘kick some ass, kid’ because I’m not a nerd like my husband.”

Harriet  is caught off-guard when Cas speaks, probably having expected a light and airy voice instead of the deep, monotone one that sounds when he  holds his wrist up to show the black-white-yellow pattern he dons. “Mine  says ‘go watch the bees.’ You won’t understand it if you weren’t there at the time.”

“Dude, you  weren’t even there at the time,” Dean whispers at the angel, who simply  nods his head to the left. “You were so spray-paint-high on  barbiturates and propofol that you made your way into a cornfield to  catch the damn bee. Sammy and I chased you for, like, twenty minutes.”

“Enough,  please,” Harriet is rubbing at her temples now, praying to God, who’s currently in Cuba on a sabbatical, for this to end soon. “Jack, what did  Ivan say about your bracelets that made you punch him? Was it a  bullying situation?”

Jack  shakes his head and scrunches up his nose in thought. “No…he pointed  at them and yelled ‘what are those?!’ So, I showed them to him. I didn’t  mean to hurt him, even though he does throw grapes at me at lunch. I  don’t even like grapes.”

This  time, Sam is the one to break down into a fit of laughter, unbridled  and uncontainable, because of his son’s comment. Dean falls from grace  next and joins his giant lover in his spasms of glee, not caring about  the daggers Mrs Allen is eyeing them with. Cas just looks at the woman  and in all his naïveté ignores the way his coparents are behaving.

“Is  Jack in trouble, ma’am?” His blue eyes flutter and squint in confusion.  “The letter we got threatened expulsion, and if he’s expelled I’ll have  to buy more Crunch Cookie Crunch and nougat.”

Harriet has  been forced into defeat by this junior and his dysfunctional parents,  and therefore sighs and leans back while pinching the bridge of her  nose.

“No, he’s not.” She mutters despite the noise from the two men still calming down. “Now, can you please get out of my office?”

[cherry-slushie-cosplay-blog]

Freshman Year Quotes

Ok so I did a list of all the stupid shit I heard in my Freshman year of high school. Enjoy.

(T) - Teacher (AP) - Freshman Assistant Principal

FRESHMAN YEAR ----

"Any weeb brethren, see me after class I want to be friends." *class is totally silent* "*loudly* I have a seven inch penis." "I'm a farmer bitch I will throw my crops at you." "You can teach tiny cil- chilr- chilud- chiluden, wait what?" "I'm telling Jesus!" "Jesus already knows." "(T) Use your 5 sols! Haha, get it? Like soul?" "Bold of you to assume I have any at all." "HE CALLED ME THE N-WORD, HE CALLED- oh shit you're a girl my bad I'm just messing around trying to get someone in trouble. Have a nice weekend!" "Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht...FUCK!" "How do you make an equilateral square?" "I think my back has scoliosis." "I've got a bag of chicken." "Why do you have a bag of chicken?" "Because. Why do you have a bottle with mangos on it?" "This- this is mango-flavored tea!" "AND THIS IS CHICKEN-FLAVORED BAG" "...and some condoms have spermicide which kills off the sperm. Don't ask me how I know all that, Mrs. ********." "Are you from Russian?" "Sit your ADHD-filled ass down." "If we were in hell, do you really think I would be here?" "(T) Yes." (T) "Is stupid written on your forehead?" "I don't know, is it written on yours?" "His forehead's big enough for it." "That looks like an orgy pile over there." "Why do you guys always sit behind me?" "If we want to kill you, you won't see it coming." "Is this what Julius Caesar felt like?" "You're so tiny! You look like a doll!" "And you look like a cock-riding motherfucker." " Technically, time is a construct." "Technically, none of this matters and we're all gonna die soon." "Will you two shut up please?" (T) "My 2019 has been completed, I made a student cry." (This was January 10th btw) (T) "As long as you do your best and turn that in, you'll be fine." "What if my best sucks and I get a bad grade?" "Ok that was good I'm gonna give you that." "I'm gonna put on black lipstick and go to sleep." *Aggressively singing Dream Daddy For Me* "What's that?" "A grapefruit." "Bitch that ain't a grape." "No, grapeFRUIT." "It looks like you put Kool Aid in an orange." "Dude it's called a grapefruit." "No, fuck you and your Kool Aid orange." "I ate a mouse dongle." "Why the fuck would you do that?" "I don't know, I just did." "Racism is my bitch. I bend racism over and take it from behind." "A function is an input and a function...oh wait hold on I messed up- stop laughing at me I got this." "James Charles did one of Bob Ross's tutorials on his forehead." "So he has a big forehead-" "Shut the hell up ***** no one cares." "The answer was D! D as in 'Dinosaur chicken nuggets'!" (T) "What are the first ten amendments?" "I know the ten COMMANDments." "No one cares, we're not in Christian school." "YES WE ARE HAIL MARY" (T) "Do your work or the Lord may strike you." *this was at the religious girl from the previous quote* "What time is it?" "It's fuckin uhhhhh noon o 5." "Noon o 5?" "I forgot the word twelve." "I SEE HEADLIGHTS" "Hm?" "Headlights is nipples." "If this is a test I'm gonna throw myself out the window. I was about to go to the hospital this weekend and I'm still gonna make it happen." "I won't T-Pose for dominance but I will screech and make your eardrums bleed." "Does anyone remember Llamas With Hats?" 4 people: "caAAARRLLLLL" "Pagans terrify me." "Why?" "Every pagan I know of is a furry." "sKeDaDdLe SkAdOoDlE yOuR dIcK iS nOw A nOoDlE" "NO NOT IN MATH CLASS" "Doodlebops." "shUT THE FUCK UP" "I watched that yesterday, I have it on DVD." "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE DOODLEBOPS ON DVD" (T) *random Chewbacca noise* "My brain is smaller than my dick." "If you feel stupid, you should." "What about King Solomon?" (T) "What has Solomon ever done for America?" "What have YOU ever done for America?" "Nothing should be in your mouth unless it's a banana." "What type of banana?" "A yellow one, duh." *laughter* "Or a green one, whichever you like more." (T) "For the people who I'm signing these for: are you going to the farm-" "YES WE FINNA BE COWBOYS" (T) "What y'all playing over there?" "Chess." (T) "I hope you lose." (T) "If you're stupid, it's your fault." (T) "Let's go guys!" "hoLD ON I'M SAVING MY POKEMON GAME" "There's people taking pictures down there - should I pour Monster on them?" "When you gave me my pencil I was like 'I like Zoe, she's nice' in my brain and then my brain somehow connected that to 'You tryna smash?' and another part of my brain said 'No, stop, she'd cut your dick off'." "That's the strangest intrusive thought I've ever heard from a friend." "How many of y'all think I'm gay?" *about 6 people raise their hands* "Ok then." "May I please go to the bathroom?" (T) "You just have to get out of here at any chance you get, don't you?" "I'm serious, I'm really hungry, does anyone have any food?" "I have lotion." "Fuck you." (T) "OH MY GOD SHE HAS TAP SHOES CAN YOU DANCE???" "...no" (T) "YOU STILL LOOK GOOD" *watching Sorcerer's Stone* "Who's at the window?" *ta-da it's Malfoy* "Oh it's a blonde-headed lesbian." "Shit fuck goddammit bitch pussy fucking Jesus Christ." "I have ibuprofen, you know." "Nah, I'm good." "I'm a lil loli short and flat~ My head is for pat- wait fuck what was it" "Hello~ my fuCKING HIP OW" "Are you ok?" "I popped my hip...Hello, my name is Elder Price~" (T) "Here, it's legal to marry your 2nd cousin twice removed." "I'm doing it." (T) "******** no-" "Fuck (insert name of school district), man. On my mom." "I wanna fucking die I hate this class." "No. I look like Jesus, I'm telling you no. Therefore, Jesus says no and you're not allowed to die." (T) "How else could we have solved this?" "With a calculator." "Did Diego steal his money from Dora?" (T) "I don't know, moving on." "All y'all talking about how your souls are dark black, mine is baby blue. It's brighter than your hair." "uwu my stomach hurts" "I'm serious I'm not on my phone." (T) "Oh really?" "I swear to GOD she wasn't!" (T) "Oooooohhh" "Holy shit Zoe you're gonna send **** to hell." "You were staring at me for like 20 seconds before calling on me!" (T) "No, my glass eye was staring at you. My real eye was over there seeing that stuff, and over here I didn't see sHIT." "I heard there's G-Spots in your ass, why don't you shove it up there and have some fun." "How about no?" "Suit yourself." "I don't like raw fish — it makes me sad." "100 senators!! Come ON, Sen - a - tors!" "Shut up go stick your head in a dick." "I want that Mormon Milk." "I'm begging you to stop talking." "I'm salivating for that salvation." "Shut the fuck up."

BONUS: SCHOOL'S POWER OUT

"My god that sun is brighter than Kirishima's smile." "Zoe is turning into Trina." "I'm breaking down~" "Come over here anyone who wants to take 'Golden-Hour Mental Breakdown' selfies and/or get Pocky." "Anyone who refuses to let their anxious child come home will be personally smacked by me with Zoe's copy of 'Half-Blood Prince'."

NORMAL SCHOOL

"Stab me in the ovary or whatever you said." "CORRODED ARTERY YOU ARE MALE" "Same difference." "Perfect boy lookin-ass- no homo." "What the fuck" "People think that Sherlock Holmes isn't real because he was written in a book. God was too but you don't see people denying HE exists, do you?" "Ok do a burpee." *burps loudly* "No a- you're a fucking idiot." "Heyyyyy Zoe, can we- holy shit is that Pornhub?" "How do you make a baby crawl in a circle?" "I don't fucking know." "Ok...do you know how to make one stop?" "When did you get here!?" "Couple minutes ago." "???" "I'm quiet and people generally don't notice I'm here." "...do you need a hug?" (T) "What'd you do this weekend?" "Some sewing." (T) "What'd you sew?" "Robes…" (T) "For what?" "*increasingly embarrassed* A costume." "From what?" "*very red by now* Harry Potter…" "Which character?" "*wanting to crawl into a hole* Draco Malfoy…" "*polite clapping from entire class*" (T) "He's on the road to alcoholism." "I'm doing a 21-Day challenge of not talking, if I do - punch me." (T) "Oooohhh this is gonna be fun." *knock at door* (T) "*presses face against door window* What's the password?" "bitCH GIVE ME BACK MY CAPRI-SUN" "It's not Capri-S-" "IT'S BOOTLEG CAPRI-SUN GIVE IT BACK" "Holy shit you turned the Jesus-freak gay." "What happens if you don't deletus the fetus?" "Then the abortion isn't completus." (T) Can you see where I'm going?" "To hell." "Oh look, a wasp." "KILL THAT SHIT" "Oh man I can't hear my eardrums." "How the fuck would you hear your eardrums?" "That's the POINT." "I like a p p l e s ~I like 'em big and juicy-" (T) "NO." "Everyone raise your hand if you want Mr. **** out of the room." *80% raises their hands* (T) "Even you?" "What do you mean 'even me'!?!?" "******? ******!!" "What?" "If I ask you a question will you be a douche?" "Probably." "Understandable." "What the hell am I reading?" "Words." "Mr. **** do you like donkey ducks?" (T) "I'm not even going to answer you." "I'm scared of homophobes." "Homophobophobia." "If gay is a slur does that mean that African American is a slur?" "Who has my mcfreaking phone? WHOMST HAS MY PHONE" (T) "Ooh free charger! *wraps cord around neck like a scarf*" "Whee whee mone me jam apple laff-yeti" "If someone is being homophobic, give them dyslexia." "Troom Troom life hack: if someone is harassing you — eat them." "Troom Troom banana hack: if someone is harassing you — shove a banana up their ass." (T) "Take that hat off." "I'm a gangsta." "I'm never gonna use this shit. Do you think I'm gonna go to McDonald's and say something like, I don't know, 'Oh riddle me dubious'? NO." "I'm gonna meticulate you until you get dyslexia." "What the fuck does that even mean?" "I'm gonna meticulate your rectum." "Please stop." (T) "See that girl? She likes bad boys." (T) "Ask her, she has tape." "What the hell has made you think I have tape?!?" "I don't care if you have 106% in this class, you can kiss my fat ass!" "No, PICasso." "I like Costco-" "No." "Holy shit *points at red train in movie watched in class* it's the Hogwarts Express." "Stop it." "Choo choo bitch we goin' to magic school." (T) "Guys Mr. ***** is in here, quick make it look like you're doing math." "3 + 7 = 9!!!" "Are you serious?" "MOVE IT, MUNCHKINS!" *shoves us apart and runs off* "Excuse-moi, I'm gonna beat her ass." "Oh my god someone's weave is on the floor." "Only at (insert school name here)." "THERE'S MORE THEY THREW IT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW" "*handing out books* Take this dick, *throws book on student's desk next to me* and here you go. *places book gently on my desk*" "waIT TAKE THAT BACK I WANT A 'HERE YOU GO' WTF" (T) "-and so the corn salsa would be 20...thaaaat's not one of the answers oh no." "You fucking whore, happy birthday." (T) "How do you know you are college and career ready?" "Because Jesus loves me." "Last time I shit my pants was in middle school." "rePEAT THAT?" "I'm gonna show up tomorrow with AIDS." "Did you just say you'd show up with AIDS?" "Yeah." "Why??" "Cause HE put his spit on me." "I'm borrowing your chair. To sleep." "I'm straight as a line." "Oh? *makes loop-de-loops in the air* You mean THIS line?" (T) "I will decimate you. I will wipe your name from the earth." "Is the government making us take this test?" (T) "No, the district is making us take it." "Well the district can suck my ass." *calling every white person in a certain scene of Ernest Green a toothpick* "Is it just me or does ******** seem like he'd end up having a job at Chuck and Dale's?" "GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE I WANNA WATCH MERLIN" (T) "You boys don't know how to chop down a tree, do you? You wouldn't be able to do that." "Yes I would, I do it in Minecraft all the time!" (T) "Ok, remember to put your name on your paper." "No. I have no name. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Voldemordita." "Stop it." "Shut up, both y'all gay, always smackin' each other's asses in class." (T) "Easy, Luigi, we're not watching a movie." (This was a sub for Civics class and he had just walked in 2 minutes prior. The student's name was not Luigi) "Hold on I'm gonna be Oprah: YOU GET A CALCULATOR, YOU GET A CALCULATOR!" "Y'know ***** still needs one." "F R I C K" *girl walks into a desk* "There's a desk there ****." "I KNOW fuck OFF" "I feel like we need to warn her about everything when she walks." "Watch out for life, ****." "Can we do it on paper?" (T) "No, this is not Burger King." *leaving the room* "Remember, cocaine is not your friend. I'll kick your ass." (T) "Wow! It's Good Friday, and you're talking about your baptism and stuff like that, and you said 'oh my fricking god'? For shame." (T) "I'm on a lot of drugs and alcohol right now and I can't feel anything." "Oh my GOD USE A YARDSTICK" "No." "MR. ******** I'M GONNA HURT HER" "Gonna stab her with the yardstick?" "I need bail money." "I need money PERIOD." "DRAW. A STRAIGHT.  L I N E." "NO, FUCK YOU" "You know you're gay when it takes you 3 tries to draw a straight line." "DON'T TAKE MY JOKE" "You definitely know you're gay if it still isn't straight after 3 tries." (T) "What would you do if someone came into your neighborhood?" "Who's neighborhood? Mr. Rodger's?" "I have 15 pets." "I have 13 siblings, does that count?" "No but it does mean that your parents need to learn how to use a fucking condom." "Hi my name is J. Michael Tater Tot welcome to the Dairy Dome." "Dyslexia? I thought you said...cannibalistic tendencies." "What?" "I couldn't think of anything that rhymed." "You need to flex seal your anus closed." "If you don't fucking shut up I will shave off your eyebrows using my toenail as a razor you cunt." "Sippy Cup looks depressed." "Sippy Cup, you going through some shit?" "Hit or Miss, I guess they never miss, huh? You got a boyfriend-" "Yep." "I bet he doesn't kiss ya!" "Haha nope." "Ew I look like Casper." (T) "...and we're going to write a paragraph." "Oh you're FUNNY." "I think I'm switch. Like, I'm good with being sub, but I'd like to dominate my bitch too. Like F.B.I get on the ground open your legs." "Ms. ******* that's really bright-" (T) "YOU'RE bright." Video: *talking about how important this song is to them* (T) "I don't care stop talking." "I peed on the desk again." "Key word: AGAIN???" "You should send ****** and I to get them." "That is a HORRIBLE idea." "What do you mean it's a horrible idea? You don't know me!" "What do you mean 'I don't know you?' We have gone to school together for almost 4 years." (T) "Look, I know you're obsessed with me, GET TO WORK." "He's harassing me." "You harassed me first. It's not harassment if you do it in self-defense." "You can have the benefit of my middle finger." "It's the progression of the climb of the rocket." (T) "Oh my GOOODDDD JUST SAY IT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING" "Fine. The speed." (T) "ExACTLY." "Oh look a firetruck's outside." "Whee whoo whee whoo- oh my god you're serious. Oh god it's (crappy fire department) jesus christ." "I think we need to potty train our classmates again." "AGAIN???" "Well, yeah. They're supposed to be." "'Supposed to' and 'are' are two different things." "Mr. **** can I put mascara on you?" (T) "No." "Whyyyyy?" (T) "Do I look like a Barbie doll?" (T) "Mascara girl is the one who's talking." "You act like I don't have a name!!!" "Do you?" "What the hell are you doing?" "It makes your eyelashes look nicer." "Yeah; easy, breezy, beautiful: Covergirl. Get with the program." "James Charles is QUAKING." "Sister shook." "Give me my paper." "Bitch I'm gluing my fingers together, I didn't fucking take it." "Do you have a charger?" "No, but I have a notebook full of English notes." "I don't have any round characters, all of mine are gay and sad."

BONUS 2: BIRTHDAY

"I'm sorry I don't have anything for you for your birthday all I have is Reese's and duct tape." "Wait it's your birthday??? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO-" "NO STOP SHE DOESN'T WANT THAT" "Thank you." "You're welcome." (T) "Pay attention my dudes." *collective groaning from entire class* "*asking for tampons*" (T) "*holding a marker* I can throw another red one at you." "I don't get it. *sudden realization*" (T) "***** pick your jaw up off the floor, I was joking." "I'm tired of the word 'domain'." "Oh yeahhhh me too, cause we hear it a lot in physics now." "Domain, domain, domain; I hate it." "I'm in a domain of hating myself." "I'm joking, I love you." "I'm not joking, but I love you too anyways." "**** don't lose your Crocs again." (T) "Get that earbud out of your ear." "No, this is keeping me sane." "Why is my name 'desire'??? I put it as 'pee pee poo poo'!"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I've finally done a fraction! I flipped it over, turned it around, smacked its ass and had it call me daddy." "PARDON???" "What?" (in Physics talking about electricity) "Ok positive top, negative bottom-" "ME?" "He said you can't learn if you burn but you do learn. You learn fire is hot. Also the sensation of being burned alive as you are consumed by flames." "*shows Thanos smut* Spoilers for Endgame that no one asked for." "Legend has it that if you work at the Dairy Dome, you get free tickets to Domegame." Have a marvelous Monday, a Terrific Tuesday, a Wonderful Wednesday, a...Thesis Thursday. I couldn't think of anything." "You look like a frog." (T) "And you look like a squid." "Someone today said I looked like a drug dealer magician. Would you like *sweeps off hat* MARIJUANA??? Or...*pretends to pull something out of hat* COKE??? Perhaps some *flourishes* *whispers* acid???" "I'm gonna Detroit Smash him to hell." "LGBT, let's get this bread." "My hero academia as in Aizawa can shove my ass up his head- wait hold on" "*talking about Ariel* She's hot but that doesn't excuse the fact that she put her entire species in jeopardy for some dick." (T) "Does anyone not have medicine in their bag that ******* cannot have while I look down at the floor because I dropped my pen?" (T) "*reaches for paper*" "Ah ah **** no swipin'." *in science class* "Nothing's happening but I saw that bitch SPARK and I'm terrified." "I'm basically teacher today, your assignment is to do nothing. YOU get an A." "SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKER I'LL EAT YOUR ANUS THEY DON'T CALL ME RECTUMUS PRIME FOR NOTHING" "EXCUSE ME" "What was the word again?" "David Hasselhoff?" "What, no???" "This is why you shouldn't scratch yourself, here." "*instantly shoves necklace in mouth*" "I wouldn't use that as a chew fidget, I got it off the ground in Louisiana." "*chews even more aggressively*" (T) "Don't mess with me I will throw something at you, I played softball for 14 years." "Really???" (T) "Yeah. I was the captain biatch." "James Charles looks like the dragon from Shrek." "***'s touching my wenis." "Gay fantasies don't really matter." "Yeah, I mean, did you see the way that Tony and Cap looked at each other in Endgame?" "When he was, a young boy, his father, took him to the dark lord, to kill the principalofawizardachool" "He said son when, you grow up, will you b-" "HE SAID WILL YOU, GETSHANKEDINABATHROOM-" "Watch out: I have peanut butter and a knife!" (T) "All you need is at least a 60% to pass the test-" "BOI I GET 40S AND 30S IN YOUR CLASS AND YOU KNOW IT" (T) "So you used to go to (other school name)?" "Yeah. But people growling and barking at me was a little much." (T) "Were they furries?" "Dude, tornadoes in Kansas are no joke." "But you go to Oz." "THERE AIN'T NO YELLOW BRICK ROAD AFTER A TORNADO" "Uh, yeah! Yellow brick road to HEAVEN." "Toto isn't god” "You awakened something you didn't want to awaken." "Is it god??? Is it Totoro? Remember to pay your taxes or Hong Kong will come eat you." "Today's weather is cloudy with a chance of rectal prolapse." (T) "Who's at the door?" "It's ***." (T) "Who's ***?" "***. Your student." (T) "*opens door* Who are you?" "I'm nobody." "Who is commander in chief of the military? My  p e n i s" "Are those grandma shoes??? Can I  e a t  them???" "She sounds like a fetus screaming for extra guac at Chik-Fil-A." "WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN" "*singing the Boku No Pico theme off-key in a loli voice*" "I will hit you." "I'd feel bad for you but you have a 69% and that causes you to get a D and I can't look that over." "Do you ever wonder where babies come from? Cause I don't. All you have to do is pee into a lady's Digornio." "rePEAT THAT??" "Don't forget to degrade your dog." "Imagine a world: where you have 2 fetuses hanging from your eyebrow."

BONUS 3: GIANT, END-OF-THE-YEAR CIVICS TEST

"Why the fuck is Christmas a national holiday???" (T) "Ok, the president during WWII was...Roose-" "-A PARKS" (T) "Are you even paying attention?" (T) "What happened on September 11th, 2001?" "9/11!" (T) "We're gonna need you to be a little more specific, buddy." (T) "What's a state that borders Canada?" "I deadass was about to say Arizona, I need sleep." "WHAT is your name?" "*****." "WHAT is your quest?" "To clap the best pussy out there." "*through laughter* What is your favorite color?" "The color of the next pussy I'm gonna crunch." "I got a Voltage from the ROTC room, and I dropped it and someone said 'OOH', picked it up and yeeted with it." "WHAT THE FUCK I'D SHIT ON THEIR HOUSE" "Can we play a song after our presentation?" (T) "As long as it's not like 20 minutes like an Allman Brothers song." "Huh?" (T) "You know how when you have an acid trip, people tell you to listen to the Allman Brothers?" "..." (T) "I'm old." (T) "If this eye starts drooping, there was something in the brownie." (T) "*teaching us Piccolo Mini*" "You just made me feel dyslexic." "YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW THE TEA??? I'M THE REAL HOE" *applause from class* "BITCH WE BEEN KNEW" "*unintelligible*" (T) "What?" "*still unintelligible*" (T) "I still didn't hear you." "You talk like your handwriting." "I WILL THROW THIS CROC AT YOU" "I will literally pay a dollar for one." "I will literally eat these." "Petunia is not a phone." "Electronic device, then." "She's not an electronic device, I gave birth to her." (T) "**** that's the whitest you've ever sounded." "My dingaling is messed up." "Mine too." (T) "Ok so say you wanted aides-" "I DON'T WANT AIDS WHAT THE HELL" (T) "IN THE CLASSROOM. CLASSROOM AIDES. HELPERS. "Can we talk while doing this?" (T) "No, this isn't Burger King." "What is your obsession with Burger King????" "HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S PUTTING THE WHITE NECTAR ON THE RAMEN SINK" "Have you ever seen a 14 year old looking badass?" "Have you ever seen a beaver chomping down on a carrot? Cause I wanna see that." "I don't wanna go to Papa Louie's Arcade, Papa Louie can pop a cap in your ass." "Micheal does a Thanos Snap in season 14." "Cas, I don't feel so good." "NO" "Your Crocs are in sport mode." "My cock is hard." "THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID" "It's ok lil diglett I'm gonna evolve you." (T) "Stop it." "I'm gonna evolve you it's fine, you're weak but you're gonna get better. *throws stress ball at teacher*" (T) "******* looks like Ted Bundy" (T) "He's falling asleep. Hey, ****, are you sad you can't have an abortion?" "What???" (T) "If you don't like high school relationships, who's that guy you keep making out with in the hallway?" "*pointing at random places on the map in the civics classroom, threatening to deport each other to random places*" "You're jiggling my titties." "*half the class is singing I Write Sins Not Tragedies*" "I love you!" "Shut it, I'm doing a presentation." "I love you!!" "Stop." "I love you!!!" "God damnit, *******, I'm gonna hit you." (T) "If you drop any f-bombs during the presentation, I'm gonna kill you." "Bottom, take the apple." "I'm not black, I'm O.J." "Balls. That was the word." "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET 'BALLS' FROM 'THE BUCKS ARE WINNING THE FINALS'??" "Who's this? Tom? No I don't wanna streak with you. Stranger danger." "Why is it called Field Day if it's only 2 periods?" (AP) "I- That's actually a good question." "ALRIGHT THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TO DO-" "*gets literally kissing distance from him* *salutes* Yes sir?" "We're playing cornhole." "Stop laughing, how is cornhole inappropriate?" "Mr. **** this is the type of yardstick that could take your kneecaps. Do you want me to take yours?" (T) "I'd like to see you try." "Is that Ratatouille?" "Ratatouille isn't the rat. That's Remy, you insolent fuck." "I'm gonna call you the 'G' word." "What's the 'G' word?" "Jew." "That's…porny." "...send it to me." "Where you going?" "To hell." "WHY" "*shrugs* Seems fun." "You see, this is why I need to work with you. I'm your insurance."

BONUS 4: FIELD DAY

(T) "Are you part 1 or part 2?" "Uh…" (T) "Top line or bottom line?" "Bottom- no, top- uhhhhh…" "He looks like a top." "I still don't understand why we fucking dropped Bohemian Rhapsody for a song from fucking  T W I L I G H T." (T) "*throws a marker at the Assistant Principal*" *various cheers and "OHHHHHH"s from the class* (AP) "Are you actually serious." Not a quote but in the 2nd to last week of school, we spent almost the entirety of 4th period Algebra (including the teacher — he started it) throwing dry-erase markers at each other and didn't even stop when the AP (seen above) came in. (T) "*walks through the middle of the room*" "FIRE" *8 people pelt markers at him* "Wait you guys realize he's gonna throw all of those back, right?" "I have a D I'm hanging on the edge my dudes." "I did a math? I did a math!!!" "You did meth?" "YES!!!" "*gets head shoved out of window* OW! FUCK, ****** MY TIT" "You exude strong Kenny energy." "Why?" "Cause you die a lot? Cause your heart was replaced with a baked potato? Cause your family's poor?" "*laughing so hard we can't breathe*" "*leaves the cafeteria to calm down from laughing too hard*" "I'm having elementary school flashbacks." "Shut your social justice warrior ass up." "You ok?" "I stabbed myself." "Sorry, only girls get it. Also, this is my last customer today." "Hold on, if it's only girls, why does HE get it?" "Hi." "OH SHIT YOU'RE A GIRL MY BAD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

“Did I just witness a drug deal?” "Why do you look like a dad?" "I need some weed in my system again, I'm fucking drained." "There's a fucking big-ass run in my tights — I'm gonna eat my own ass and then some." "Hi I'm ***** and Mr. **** can suck my 13 inch dong. My Long John Silver." "This ignorant pickle of a person can die." "This cashew of a long dong. Cashews look like telephones." "A shirt says Mr. **** can suck my magnum horse, my stallion." "His mom should've fucking swallowed." "Spit his ass in a Dixie cup." "I will tattoo my eyes shut." "I'm talking about this mongoose man that's called Mr. ****." "Can you speak some Spanish?" "Hola, como estas, sugma." "Sugma?" "Suck my fuckin' balls lmao" "It's your sugar daddy. *shows picture of Andrew Jackson*" "It's Mr. **** as a woman." "That's fucking Christopher Columbus." "*howling laughter*" "I was just thinking 'have it stop raining so that I don't have to walk in it', but then I remembered I have work today so it should keep pouring. The more the sky cries, the less I cry. Unless I'm on drive." "Excuse me sir, *raises leg* my penis has fallen off." "I pray you get AIDS." (T) "Please throw away your sheet music, it's illegal to copy sheet music and I don't wanna go to jail." "*loud smack* I am so sorry, I didn't mean it to be that loud! Come here baby boy, let me give you the sweet taste of my mother milk." "It's not mother anymore, it's daddy now." "Dude what if you were born with a set of words that if said, would implode your testicles." "Bomb go boom, Mormons go extinct." "MR. **** YOU TOOK OUR NOODS" "DON'T TAKE THE NOODS" "NOT THE NOODS!!!" "****, I thought you were Catholic." "The pencil's black." "Like my ass-cheeks." "Someone stole it!!!!" "Like ****'s virginity."

BONUS 5: WATCHING INSIDIOUS (FOR SOME FUCKING REASON)

*kid falls off ladder* *various banshee screeches from students* "They're kissing AGAIN. This movie is NOT appropriate." "I'm hearding weeeesssst~ I don't know what to dooooo~ " That's not how you make a superpowered baby. You kill the mother and put her on the ceiling." "Wait, pause. What the hell?" "F.B.I, open up." "IT'S DALTON." "PUT A CHAIR ON THE DAMN DOOR" "HOW WOULD A CHAIR WORK AGAINST THE DEMON" "He's in a deep sleep. Wake him up with true love's kiss." "It's a pedo-demon! Everyone run!" "He's cheating on her." "What if this was linked to Supernatural?" "Ooh she's echoing now." "My legs are shaking bruh." "Is that blood on the window?" "No, it's a tree." "SMACK THE CHILD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I figured out why I'm so quiet today." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, *shows trembling hands* I'm on vibrate." "I can't wait to go to church."

BONUS 6: LAST DAY OF SCHOOL

"The first thing I ate when I came to this country, it was in the airport and it was Doritos." (T) "They gave me the shortest teachers' gown they had. I have a baby gown." "That isn't a happy little bush." "IT'S. TREE." "Hello ladies, *winks* *blows kiss*" "I'm GAY." *I Will Survive playing really loudly* "******* you're not in our friend group so get the FUCK OUT." "Now I can swear! FUCK Y'ALL BITCHES I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR KNEECAPS" "Oh shit it's an end of the year fight!" Four kids got into a fight at the same time and one got tazed."

[shall-we-imagine]

Lovely. (Sigurd Curtis×Reader *AU*)

Requested: 15. "If my day gets any worse, I'm asking hell if they're having an exchange program." + 22. "Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops." From the prompt list.

Genre: Fluff.

(Second Person Point of View)

"I'm telling you, Amelia! This psycho lady kept insisting I give her a cheese burger with no cheese! And when I tried to explain to her that this is basically just a burger not a cheeseburger, she went nuts!" You complain into the phone, as you struggle to open the door to your apartment without dropping your grocery at the same time.

"Like what even is this?! And when I finally gave up and told her I'll get her that cheese burger with no cheese.." you recite the customer's words in a tone of mockery, "She just still wasn't having it! She asked to speak to the manager who wasn't even there at the time! All my coworkers and even some customers had to intervene before she tries to kill me or something.."

You hear loud laughter from the other side of the phone. "I'm sorry; it's just-" your friend pauses to laugh even harder, "it's actually hilarious; I'm sorry."

"Amelia!" You whine dramatically, "Stop laughing at my sorrows!" Even though you let out a little laugh yourself, you were still willing to demand she doesn't laugh...just because.

After locking the door, you slip off your shoes, placing it near the door frame, then walk into the kitchen to put the items you bought in their correct places.

"At least it's over, though, right?"

"Well, that's not all. After waiting at the bus stop for like 15 minutes, I realized I had forgotten my purse in the changing room, so I had to go back to get my purse then walk to the bus stop again, and by now, I'd already missed the bus, of course. Therefore, I had to wait for 30 minutes for the next bus." You sigh, "And don't even get me started on that weird guy from the supermarket!"

"What happened?" Amelia giggles, still amused by your irritation.

"So, you know how I prefer buying groceries alone because it makes everything quicker and helps me focus better and not forget anything?" You begin placing items on shelves and in the fridge, not planning to stop the phone call before you're done ranting.

"Yeah?"

"Well, this random dude that I never even met before decided that my angry aura wasn't enough to keep him away, no! He decided to just walk up to me, for no reason at all, and make conversation. Now, this wouldn't be too bad if he didn't follow me throughout the entire time I was shopping. Even after I expressed my discomfort and annoyance, he just couldn't take a hint! And I was in no mood for being flirted with or being talked to at all actually." You huff.

"Woah, it's like the universe is just purposely pissing you off."

"Tell me about it! If my day gets any worse, I'm asking hell if they're having an exchange program."

Amelia laughs. "Just get some sleep; you'll be fine." She assures.

"Yeah, I'm really exhausted; I just want to pass out for a week!" You become more and more eager to drown in your own bed the closer you get to your room.

"Well, I'll let you nap for now, but don't forget the essay; we have to hand it over on Tuesday!" Knowing your habit of procrastination, Amelia never fails to remind you of the stuff you need to do. Multiple times.

"I know I know; I'll get started right after I wake up..and eat..and maybe watch an episode of-" She cuts off your already clear intentions of procrastinating.

"(Y/N)! Right after you wake up and eat! Don't make me come over there and supervise as you write!" She threatens.

You groan, "Fine; I'll do it."

After Amelia declares her temporary victory, you end the phone call and get comfortable in bed, ready to get some rest before you have to do your assignments. You set your alarm for an hour after the current time then place your phone on the nightstand.

The mattress and pillow partly engulf your body in heavenly softness, and you happily let the irritation from earlier float away.

However, life seemed to have more troubles to throw at you today.

The sound of drilling coming from the other side of the wall behind your bed startles you into full consciousness. Frowning, you wait a few minutes in hopes the drilling would stop, but, sadly, life still hated you and had no plans of having mercy on you. Trying to ignore the drilling was a hopeless case, too.

"Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with my neighbour?! It's been 25 minutes! What's up with all the noise?!" You complain to yourself, pushing your face into the pillow out of frustration.

You let out a huff. "I'll go talk to them. I'm not sacrificing my sleep for them to put up some decorations or whatever the fuck they're really doing."

Smoothing down your hair to make it look presentable, you contemplate whether you really need to change your pyjamas to go knock on your next door neighbours and ask them to keep it down. Nah.

You rub your eyes, still feeling sleepy and exhausted, as you wait for your oh-so-lovely neighbour to answer the door.

"Hello?" Greets a male about your age. Well..let's just say he certainly is really really really lovely. And suddenly, you regret not changing into something nicer than your my little pony print pyjamas.

He gave you a sweet smile as if he wasn't just chasing the sleep away from you with his drilling.

"Uh, hi." You shuffle your weight from leg to the other awkwardly. "Would you mind..um..not drilling into the wall right now? I've had a long day, and I'm trying to sleep.." You waited for a rude reaction, but the expected response never came.

Instead, the purple-haired male pokes his head back inside the apartment. "Vincent! Hey, Vincent!" He yells.

You hear a faint yeah? come from inside before the neighbour you never knew was so handsome shouts again, "I told you you're gonna bother our neighbours, but did you listen?! Nooo, you decided to try it anyway! Just stop drilling!"

"What neighbours? There's only one other apartment on our floor; don't make it sound like I'm bothering the entire buildi-" the other voice kept getting louder, indicating the person was walking closer to the door. When he finally reached the door and pulled it open, Vincent that was yelling from inside paused mid-sentence.

"Ooh, I see why you're so concerned about the noise." The redhead shoots a wink towards what you assumed was his flatmate before walking back inside, leaving good-looking neighbour flustered.

"Uh-um, never mind him. He just likes joking around; it's nothing, re-" His embarrassed rambling was cut off by a yell from inside.

"Shut up; you know you were calling her cute earlier, Sigurd!" Sigurd's panicked eyes meet yours, and you could practically feel the temperature rising in the hallway, due to the heat emitting from both your faces.

Despite how embarrassed you are, you were still absolutely flattered, which caused you to let out a small giggle, further increasing Sigurd's blushing.

"He's only joking; don't take him seriously. He just likes to embarass me." Sigurd tries to indirectly deny his flatmate's comment. You would be disappointed if it weren't so amusing and adorable watching him sheepishly sputter out excuses and defences.

"Are you saying you don't think she's cute then?" A blond pokes his head outside. You could tell he wasn't wearing a shirt, but he didn't seem to mind being seen like that.

Sigurd falls into another spiral of panicked, embarrassed babbling. "No!" He quickly turns to look at you, "I don't mean you're not cute! You're certainly cute- I mean if I were asked, I'd say you're cute- Like I wasn't just thinking about you being cute; not that I wouldn't think you're cute- oh my god, I'm sorry; just forget about this! Klaus, just go put a shirt on and leave me alone!"

By now, you were full on laughing hysterically at the interaction between Sigurd and his other flatmate.

"It's only fair, compared to how much you tease me." The shirtless male shrugs, walking back inside.

Sigurd sighs. "I'm sorry about Klaus and Vincent; they're practically family, so we tease each other all the time." He scratches the back of his head.

"It's okay." You smile. It was as if you'd completely forgotten you came here, ready to fight whoever disturbed your sleep. "Must be really fun living together like that, though."

"Yeah, I suppose." He nods. "Things sometimes get insane, but we're used to it by now. Insanity runs in my family. it practically gallops." He chuckles.

You let out a laugh, "Yeah, I totally know what you mean."

Seeming to have forgotten about being sleepy just a while ago, you allow yourself to have a full conversation with Sigurd. It may have lasted for a full hour, and you wouldn't even know.

"My goodness, just ask her out already!" Vincent yells from inside.

"Shut up!" Sigurd yells back.

"You really have no idea how to get the ladies, huh?" Klaus joins the yelling fest.

"Says the guy that thinks insulting the girl is a good way to encourage and motivate her!" It seemed like Sigurd had gotten comfortable around you, so he was no longer affected by their teasing; he was ready to talk back now. It somehow made you feel warm inside.

"I'm just being honest!" Klaus defends.

"You're just being mean!" Vincent argues.

"I'm not mean!" Before long, Vincent and Klaus had gotten in an argument in the backgroud, allowing you and Sigurd to retrieve your one-on-one conversation.

"Well, um, do you wanna go grab some coffee later?" Sigurd smiles. "You know..to prove them wrong?" He fakes an innocent smile.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's why." You giggle. "But, sure, why not?"

After deciding the time and day, you said your goodbyes, and you went back to your apartment.

At least now when Amelia calls again you can distract her with news about your date, so she doesn't have to scold you for not working on the essay until now.

[bluerosesburnblue]

Liz Liveblogs Bravely Second: Chapter 4

Seems like I was right. Time for a short one with Chapter 4: He Who Would Change the World. Two liveblogs in one day? Pretty good, considering the extreme gap between past ones

Why on earth did we take Lotus and Sakura with us to dock on the Skyhold? Lotus has a son! Sakura is really just our kindly bath mom! They shouldn’t be coming with us to the gate between dimensions!

They’re not coming into Skyhold with us, but the Rubadub’s still attached! If the Skyhold goes down, you two do, too! I don’t want to risk the lives of our boat mom and airship dad!

Skyhold has an actual name, Diamante. And it’s gorgeous. Like a palace of blue diamonds

Kaiser, Anne, and Janne are already aware we’re here. Subtle, this party ain’t

“I really want to see my dead - No... I really want to see my living parents.” Janne, hey, maybe instead of changing the past you could... get therapy? How far back are you guys gonna go to change things? One change effects many things. Is the Kaiser’s change gonna eradicate Janne’s family, thus invalidating Janne’s whole quest? Does anyone know how causality works in this empire?

Kaiser, at the very least, seems willing to save Janne’s parents should Janne be unable to

My guide says there’s a summon this chapter and it ain’t on the Skyhold, so we’re just gonna jump off the side and spit in the face of Gho Gettar’s dreams by snagging Amaterasu. Worst. Timeline. WORST! TIMELINE!

I have no idea how anyone is intended to find this spot in the far northeast of Eternia, and then also figure out that the cutscene only triggers if you slam your face into a very specific cliff

This poor Anchorite really got the short end of the stick. The other guys get to hang out in buildings, but they stuck this guy on a remote island in a freezing blizzard. The order he belongs to must really hate him

Oh I just realized I have Tiz as an Exorcist. This battle against a healer is gonna go GREAT now that I can just... undo those

Oh yeah, Exorcist was the real MVP job of that fight

My party is gonna waltz onto the deck of the Skyhold covered in blood and wielding the goddess of light and no one can stop us

We’ve found Agnès’s cell, but she doesn’t seem to be in it

BUT MAGNOLIA’S POSSESSED. Of all people, why did it have to be the one who can summon?

She’s acting like a bratty five-year-old. Is there a child ghost here? I’ve watched a lot of ghost hunting shows, can I appease you with a toy or something?

“I’ll make you pay for what you did to my daddy!” Well, the only dad Edea’s murdered this game is Geist, so I guess you’re Rev, then

If we killed him, then he should also be a ghost and therefore able to see his ghost child, though, right? Like, just pass on kiddo. Your dad’s waiting

Yeah, Revenant Grace. Fittingly, both father and son are named after types of Ghosts/Undead. Which begs the question of what Geist’s parents were thinking when they named him, and why he felt the need to give his son a name with heavy “return from the dead” connotations

I don’t think the Princess Bride reference was really necessary. “My name is Revenant Grace. You killed my daddy. Prepare to die!” just... doesn’t have the same kick to it

Okay, Rev’s possessed armor is really cool. And apparently, he died and Geist pulled a Fullmetal Alchemist and bound his soul to the armor. So there’s that

Edea’s trying to tell Rev that Geist was going to kill a kid just like him... but Rev’s, like, five, he’s not listening. He’s literally yelling “LA LA LA NO HE DIDN’T”

Geist went away on a trip, and some monster lurked on the boat that came back, where Rev was waiting. It killed him

I’m so glad I read about the trick to this fight, because it’s almost poetic. You set someone to Geist’s Exorcist asterisk. Let Rev posses one of his teammates, which sets his own HP to zero. Then it’s just a matter of attacking that teammate to kick Rev out of possessing them and back into his own body, then Undo HP to the last turn, where Rev’s body had 0 HP, thus killing him instantly using his father’s abilities

Also, we Exorcised a ghost. That’s neat, too

Rev’s monologue says that Geist was happier after he was revived and then he mimicked Geist’s psychotic laughter. I think the poor kid misread the situation. Geist broke when he lost his son, and if his last words were any indication, he regretted bringing Rev back

Edea just passed on those words. Rev’s grateful. He’s not a bad kid, just scared and stuck in a bad situation

Time to pass on and see your daddy, kiddo. He’s waiting

Yew’s entry in the journal states that the last name, Grace, is given to Orthodoxy saints and others who did extraordinary service to them. So Geist was either a holy man, or the descendant of one

And since it seems everyone in the Kaiser’s inner circle wants to “undo” something, I believe that Geist must have joined up to undo either binding Rev’s soul, or Rev’s death entirely

Agnès wasn’t there, so on to the next location

I’m almost baffled by how few named characters have died in this game so far, considering last game killed A LOT of people, to make the “redo” aspect feel fulfilling, and then pull the wind out of your sails when you realize that you didn’t redo anything. They stayed dead. (And then this game undid all those deaths because they were beloved characters who got a lot of development postmortem)

For FUCK’S sake, Janne, get lost! And especially don’t attack me mid-dungeon!

Janne “I Refuse to Die Until Yew Geneolgia, Specifically, Kills Me” Angard, is back for YET ANOTHER round

Oh god he’s Kylo Ren. “I was on this big revenge kick, so I befriended you to kill you! But then I liked you and that made me mad so now I’m going to kill you because I’m a child who can’t figure out my emotions!”

I’m... not that big a fan of Janne. He just comes off as a bratty teenager that they keep trying to make sympathetic, but he never stops being an ass about literally everything

“You were a true friend.” Yew, he really, REALLY was not

Rev works for me, because even though he acts like a brat, he’s acting as a reaction to his father’s death. Once you calm him down, the kid’s perfectly civil, and even thanks the party for passing along his dad’s last words. And that’s some stunning maturity for a kid

Janne, on the other hand, is older and should know better. But instead he lashes out, constantly brags that he’s the best, and even in the last fight he’s being petty. He thinks he can get away with betraying his friends, but as long as he tell them “Hey, good shot” as he’s dying, then he’s absolved. Janne has done a lot of REALLY AWFUL things. He has no intention of atoning because he can’t see past himself and what he wants out of this: his parents back. Rev’s a brat because he doesn’t know better. Janne’s a brat because he’s conceited and wants to delude himself into being superior

I’m gonna rip the Kaiser’s sword right out of his dumb metal hand

Yew is legitimately anticipating death. And blames himself for not stopping the Kaiser when he came to kidnap Agnès. That’s Yew’s undo moment. And I know for a fact we’re gonna make. That. Happen.

Edea’s pep talk about trying again and succeeding now that you’re stronger and wiser is something I think a lot of people need to hear. If you mess up, you shape up and do better

Wait, “Bravely Second” is an in-game term for something other than the hourglass? It’s moon for “the courage to try again.”

So the title of the game is, more accurately “The Courage to Try Again: A World With No Future”

Ooop. Just kinda slid into the Holy Pillar there. Okay

Kaiser’s robo-arm must be pretty tough if he can carry Agnès with it like that

I can’t believe I get to watch Leonardo the Ninja Turtle kick the ass of Leonardo the Ninja Turtle

Dude, stop saying the word “deny.” It’s gotten to be at least once a scene, we know. You deny, you deny, you deny, maybe accept that I’m gonna kick your ass?

Where the hell do you get the idea that only those who know sin can change the world, so you became a literal evil emperor to become a big enough asshole to fix time. Where... the hell do you get that idea? Was it Anne?

Wow. We just LET him do that. Nobody made a move while he went back in time with Agnès

...did Anne just imply that we sent the moon to another dimension?

Oh, no. She just sent the moon to another dimension. And Magnolia’s trying to call her people, but the moon just ain’t there

And here’s the scene I know about. The big reveal that, yes, Anne is Airy’s sister, she knows about you, the player, and now she’s gonna repeat her scene from the start of Default just to make sure you know that you. Messed. Up. You helped her stop Airy, and now she was able to do this. Aren’t you proud, player? You’ve done everything she asked

This boss music is amazing. A combo of Spanish guitar and Wailing guitar? Hell yes

And the butterfly battle background is gorgeous, even if it’s greyscale thanks to the moon’s disappearance

Well, shit. Anne’s hard. Attack one of her fake copies and she’ll basically insta-kill you. Group attacks are not recommended. They’re what keeps killing me

Not bad once you start playing more defensively. Resurrection Mist was a pretty decent idea for that fight with the way Anne can one-shot part members, but Magnolia’s Promethian Fire Arrow was the real damage MVP

Time to escape to the flying bath boat

I just glanced at the bestiary and Anne doesn’t have an entry. Also, it looks like all entries are locked, because the completion markers are faded. I think we’ve hit the end layer

Oh that’s nuts. It looks like time is frozen. All of the flames around the Skyhold stopped moving

“I know the feeling of losing your home” Actually, that raises a good point, Tiz. Are we ever gonna stop by Caldisla or is that just not relevant, since there’s no crystals there

A world without time. A world that both has no end and is the end. The final layer of all reality. The end layer

The Moon “created night from day.” As in, the Moon controlled time, much as the Crystals controlled the elements. Without it, there’s nothing left flowing or moving

This isn’t the first game with a Frozen Future apocalypse that I’ve played. Let’s see how this one stacks up against Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers. A leaf gecko hasn’t come to kick our asses, so it can’t be that bad yet

Ohhhhh shit I just got chills. Tiz said that we never got to fight the Kaiser once, and Yew realized something. He turned to the camera and said “If you’re out there, watching over us... hear my plea.” Yeah, buddy, I can hear you. “Not once?” I remember one time we got him on the battle screen. Just once

(I used up all my SP in the Anne fight, I hope that won’t be a problem)

Tutorial says that Altair has disappeared, so we can’t add entries to the bestiary. Is... the party not capable of writing without Ghost Dad? Did he steal our literacy or something?

It recommended talking to people, but also New Game+. Let’s see this timeless world, then make sure it never happens again 

Not much different in Ancheim. Some worried citizens, a child who’s excited that they can play forever because it’s always day, a mom who wonders if she has to cook dinner now, and a man who’s acting like there’s always been no movement to the clock or sails

Al-Khampis seems to be a mix of panic and contemplating the scientific repercussions of this new world-state. One interesting tidbit is that one scientist detected an anomaly traveling through time, but not to the past. If it WAS the Kaiser, then he went 200 years into the future, instead. Rifa gave us similar dialogue to end layer guy in Sagitta, and then a message appeared saying I unlocked New Game+, so maybe it doesn’t unlock unless you talk to people

Florem is... Florem. Girls wondering if this means there’s not gonna be another festival, but at least the flowers don’t wilt. I can’t help but notice “Alternis” isn’t here anymore. The real interesting thing is Sylvie and the Matriarch

Sylvie: “...Miss Edea. ...So many tears, so many cries you will come to know from now on. So much evil... So much blood... But even so... Even so, that great ship will take to the sky once more...! To the world, bound in the sky, where Lady Agnès is held...!” I suspect we’re going to have to hunt down the Kaiser using the Buster Ship

Matriarch: “Sylvie would like me to tell you this... ...Edea Lee. ...A time is coming for you to come to a decision, no matter how difficult it may seem. You must tell your friends, then you must lie to the people, deceive the world, make yourself out as a tyrant in word and deed... Let yourself be attacked and blamed. Go after the friends you have lost. Take that glimmering ship to the sky once more! And that world, bound in the sky... Well, I’m afraid that this old lady has no idea about that.” Is this what the Kaiser was told? The sin he mentioned? To change the world, operate the shining Skyhold, he had to become the tyrant. And now it seems Edea will have to make the same decision

Though given her decision making track record in the sidequests... boy, she may already be a tyrant. We’re gonna fix that this time. Speaking of, there’s some people from the sidequests who reference a few of them hanging around, though I can’t say any of them won with a frozen future

Every person in Sagitta is just stuck repeating “Bravely Second... The courage to try again...” over and over, except for the guy who first introduces you to the end layer, who notes that this must be it, and the elder, who unlocks New Game+ just like Rifa did when I spoke to her

Gathelatio’s full of people screaming about the end times and divine retribution, and kids who hear all of this going “Are we gonna die?” And ominous cats

That... one Crystalguard guy whose name I can’t remember screams at us for not stopping the Kaiser, then apologizes and unlock New Game+. Hey, jackass. Do you want to go into the pillar of light and get one-shot by a fairy? No? Back off. I’m gonna fix it once I hit up the last few towns

Eternia has... a goat. Has that goat always been there? Well he didn’t break the moon. Just eats paper. Mm-hmm. And more worried citizens, a doomsayer, and one brilliant mind who wants to solve the moon problem using the white magic cables

I guess those taxes don’t matter now, do they, Grandship? Otherwise, not much here. An old lady who doesn’t care because she’ll die soon anyway, a guy who’s getting drunk for the apocalypse, and a kid who’s wondering where Alternis went

Yunohana’s pretty basic. Ominas is there trying to get Bahamut to fight off a Ba’al, but the little guy doesn’t look so good. The Lord of Bath tells us we have enough to uncover our feelings and unlocks New Game+ yet again

Maybe picking Ominas for the bad future was a good idea. Femto Flare could deal with the Ba’al outbreak that everyone’s talking about but I have yet to see

Visited the girl and her grandpa from the Eisen quest. Holly’s there trying to protect them, but she’s not enough and can’t find Barras (oops?) and the grandpa wishes he’d just sold the house so his granddaughter could’ve had a little luxury before the world ended

Goodman and his crew are holding down Eisen Bridge, but his soldiers back in Hartschild aren’t so confident. The people just want him home

I also checked on Sakura and Lotus. Sakura just warns us not to stay in the bath for too long now that there’s no time to keep track of, and Lotus is concerned at the appearance of Ba’al. Everyone keeps mentioning Ba’als, and I’m scared to turn encounters back on just in case they may be roaming

I also don’t think I ever mentioned it, but since the start of the game there’s been one person in each town who sings a different verse of the Tale of Sétana. They have to be important, but I suspect it’s relevant to the Yōkai quest, since it’s the only non-cameo-fight quest I’m aware of

*Edit after the Fact* I’m an idiot who can’t read. It’s Sétanta, as in the original name of the Irish mythological figure, Cú Chulainn. As in, the guy from the Prologue. The songs are his backstory. Setana is an area in Hokkaido, Japan. I knew that, I just can’t read, I guess. Wouldn’t be the first time I did something like this (like misreading the Harry Potter spell “Rictusempra” as “Rictumsempra” until I heard it said aloud while watching someone’s playthrough of the Order of the Phoenix game)

YEAH I TURNED ENCOUNTERS BACK ON AND THERE’S JUST BA’AL WANDERING AROUND AS RANDOM ENEMIES. Heyyyy, Urchin! Been... been a while?

Okay, the “next plot event” marker was on the “To Title” entry on the menu so I’m just gonna... gonna return to the menu. No point fighting Urchin if Altair won’t write a bestiary entry on it

Welcome to Bravely Second: Send Player. No more of this “End Layer” nonsense. I’m here, and I’m gonna help these kids take back their future

Back to the beginning. The fight where nothing seemed to work, but this time, I can help. Let’s get the team back together and RIP. THAT. SWORD. OUT. OF. HIS. DUMB. METAL. HAND!

Well, future Yew just kinda possessed his own body, and a good thing, too, because I don’t think past Yew even knew why he used the Bravely Second in the first place

“You, who would deny the past and present have no right to shape the future.” HE SURE DOESN’T, KIDDO. RIP HIM APART

“The future will be forged by those who accept the world they live in, and still fight for change!” I love Yew, and I’m so glad that I’m his extradimensional patron, in a meta sense

The chapter has ended. No cryptic monologues, no “Great Distance”. Just us, the Kaiser, and our Coup de Gravy!

[megamanx1994]

Xenoforce II Chapter 7

Chapter 8: Paintball Preparation (Disclaimer! I own nothing of Xenoblade Chronicles or Ratchet and Clank!!) Clank and I were looking at a man in some kind of metal suit. “RUN!” I said. I put Clank on my back and we ran off. The man snapped his fingers and more of those strange robots attacked us. I imagined a shield and blocked their attacks. “Holy shit!” I said. I kept running. One robot tried to attack me and I blocked it with my monado. I managed to cut through one of them. More of them kept coming but I fought them off. “Come on freakshows!” I said. The giant robot was being controlled remotely. I tried to cut through it but for some reason it wouldn’t work. “What the….” I said, “I can’t cut through it.” “I do suggest we escape while we still can,” said Clank. “Couldn’t agree more!” I said. The monado sign changed. “Speed!” I said. I ran fast away from them and barely made it before the door closed. The man just watched. “Just keep running boy,” he said. Later I was in my room at home analyzing the piece of technology that I got. “Strange,” I said, “They seem to react to human emotion.” I was given some amazing results. “I gotta show this to Anela,” I said, “She’s gonna flip out.” I heard uncle Chris shouting. Micah came into my room. “Uncle Chris wants to talk to you,” she said. “Now?” I said. “Now,” she said. “God,” I said. I came downstairs and he was sitting at a table. “Have a sat Michael,” he said. I sat down. “I’m not happy Michael,” he said, “Not. Happy. Ask me why.” “Ok, why?” I asked. “Why what Michael?” he asked, “Be specific.” “Why are you unhappy?” I asked. “Your constant tinkering with other people’s belongings makes me unhappy,” he said. “Why, have you gotten complaints about thing not working?” I asked. “Complaints I can deal with, but what I can’t deal with is that you’re constantly denying that things are built the way they’re built for a reason!” he said, “Those people are experts, and when you sabotage their hard work its like its meaningless.” “Am I doing something illegal?” I asked. “Not exactly,” he said. “Are you saying I shouldn’t be using my gift to help people?” I asked. “Your mom asks that I say no,” he said. “Dad said I should use my gifts to help people,” I said. “No, use your gifts to help YOUR PEOPLE!” said Uncle Chris, “Starting with your aunt at the hospital room taking care of patients! Our family….” “Is like a giant tree,” I finished. “Exactly, and that tree will only stay healthy if all the little branches stay where they belong,” he said, “Like you. You’re not meant to fix things that don’t need to be fixed. Therefore you need some water and nourishment so you’ll be a healthy branch and have your own tree.” I wasn’t listening. I saw someone in danger. “Michael? Michael?” he asked. He pulled me back to his face. “Look at me when I’m talking to you!” “There’s someone who needs….” I said. “Don’t change the subject Michael,” he said, “We’re talking about your…” “That man is getting mugged!” I said. “Well its not like you can make something to help him,” he said. “I’ll be right back,” I said. “Stop right now or you’re grounded!” he shouted. I stopped. “Close the door and get over here,” he said. I came back. I saw the mugger escape. “He got away,” I mumbled. “Good thing too,” he said, “Its not like you can do anything to help anyone. You’re just a kid.” He was walking me back to the school while lecturing me about what he ‘thinks’ he knows about the world. “Have a good day, and remember, a Morrison makes his voice heard,” said Uncle Chris, “And that kitty girl… I don’t want you talking to her. She seems like bad news.” “You don’t know that,” I said. “Yes I do know that,” he said. “No you don’t,” I said. “Yes I do,” he said, “You keep hanging around her and your branch will fall.” He looked at me. “And look at you,” he said, “Stand up straight, tuck in that shirt, adjust that belt buckle and tie those shoes!” “A few mess ups won’t wreck everything this family has,” I said. “But one weak branch could bring down the entire family tree!” he said, “And god forbid you be that branch. Now get to class.” I scoffed and walked away. “Watch that attitude!” he snapped. My teacher was watching. I was getting some stuff from my locker and Chuck and his goons surrounded me. “Not in the mood Chuck,” i said ignoring them. “Don’t you dare not look at us when we’re talking to you,” said one of his goons. “Look I’ve had it today,” i said, “Can we not do this?” “Your uncle told us to make sure you stay out of trouble and not do anything rash,” said another goon. I sighed. “My uncle is a dickwad,” I said. “He’s not a dickwad,” said Chuck, “He’s your uncle and you need to show him some respect.” “The hell do you know about respect?” i said turning to him, “You don’t show shit of respect to me when it comes to my inventing!” His goons stopped me. “Watch your back punk,” said one of them, “We’ll be watching you, and we’ll know if you do anything and tell your uncle whom you should show respect for.” They walked off. “Who do they think they are?” I said to myself, “Its my uncle and if I wanna insult him and call him names then that’s what I’m gonna do. After all that’s what nephews are here for.” I got a smack in the face from Taffy. “That’s ENOUGH Michael!” she said. “Wha....” I said. “I can’t stand anyone who thinks they’re intitled to talk trash about their aunt or their uncle!” “Me?!” I said. She walked away. I looked down to the floor.

I was in the classroom and the guys were by my side. “What’s wrong dude?” asked Anela. “Don’t wanna talk about it,” I said, “I think you guys should go.” “No don’t push us away Michael,” said Anela, “We’re here for you.” “I said I’m fine,” I said. Mr. Stephens came inside. “Alright its time for a special lesson,” he said, “If I could grade you all I’d give you an A, but its not about the grade. Who knows what inventing is about?” Micah raised her hand and asked, “Making money.” “Good try but not exactly,” said Mr. Stephens, “EJ?” “Getting jobs,” he said. “No,” said Mr. Stephens, “Ratchet?” “Standing up to the system?” asked Ratchet. “Exactly!” said Mr. Stephens, “But you can’t just say it, you gotta feel it.” “What’s that mean?” asked Denise. “You already have it in you Denise, you’re a rebel and you get angry at the system,” said Mr. Stephens, “Right now I’m the man telling you how to do stuff, and who has the balls to tell me off?” “Shut the hell up Stephens!” said EJ. “That’s it EJ,” he said, “Anyone else?” “Stuff it asshole,” said Denise as she flipped him off. “Wow, you really do got it,” he said, “The system can be anyone, it could be bullies, teachers, even overbearing parents.” He walked over to me. “What would you say to someone bossing you around?” he asked. “I’m not sure,” I said. “If someone was in your grill pushing you around what would you say?” he asked. “Piss off?” I guessed. “Exactly!” said Mr. Stephens, “This is your life, and you gotta live it.” He went back to the board. “I’m assigning you all a fun project,” he said, “I want you to build something that is NOT what is assigned today, and stand up to me when I tell you that’s not what you were assigned. Can you do that?” “YEAH!” said the students. After class ended I went to another area. “So is there a certain reason why this lesson was taught today?” asked Anela, “It just seems like it was completely random.” “Its because I see that Michael is dealing with some family problems and needs to come out of his shell,” he said, “He has the support from his friends, but not from his overbearing uncle.” “I know Michael will be a great inventor, he just needs the opportunity,” said Anela. “I agree,” he said. She went to go find me. “Well, I just found out why we had that lesson,” said Anela. “Just go away,” I said. “That talk with your uncle couldn’t have been that bad,” she said. “The weak branch in the family tree,” I said, “That’s what he called me.” “Well… you are sort of a go getter,” said Anela. “Irresponsible, ignorant,” I said, “He practically accused me of bringing down the family tree!” “I can see that happening with our school,” said Denise walking by, “There go the buildings!” She chuckled. I jumped down. “You can laugh about it,” I said. “You see Michael, you’re so overbearing to yourself that you never allow for yourself to relax and be carefree,” said Denise, “Like me.” “What are you talking about?” I asked, “If I slip up even one time, I’ll end up in trouble!” Denise dropped a bag of water on some of Chuck’s friends. “Michael!” he said, “You’re in trouble young man!” Denise was holding the jar. “Might as well,” she said. I took it and soaked them. “I think I got it,” said Denise, “You know what your problem is Michael?” “What?” I asked. “You care too much,” she said. “Well your problem is, you don’t care at all,” I said. “Well in that case I’m guessing you care more than I do that we’re… late for the banquet for example?” Something shocked my memory. I was running to meet Kitty like I said I would. “I’m dead,” I said, “Kitty’s gonna kill me!” “Don’t worry man,” said Anela, “Nobody will even notice us comin’ in.” People noticed us as soon as we opened the door. “Nobody will even notice,” I said glaring at her. She chuckled nervously. “Michael there you are,” said Kitty smiling. She whispered in my ear. “The principal just gave you a spot in the paintball team,” she said, “Not only will you be playing in the matches, but you’ll be in charge of creating and inventing new gear for the group.” “Really?” I asked. “Seriously,” said Kitty, “I think you should go and thank him.” I went over there. “Apparently Annie, someone thought he just needed the opportunity,” said Kitty. Everyone cheered for me being in the paintball team. “Whatever,” said Chuck. “No need for jealousy Chuckie,” I said. “Don’t you dare call me that!” said Chuck, “Don’t forget I’m the king.” “Well one of these days I might dethrone you and be the new king,” I said, “I’ll invent a suit for myself and we’ll take home the gold for sure!” “Please, the day you invent something to help the team and win the trophy is the day I admit you’re a cool dude,” said Chuck. “Oh you bet your ass I can make something,” I said. “Michael, language,” said Denise pointing at Bryan. Bryan sighed. “Well why don’t we make a wager,” said Chuck, “You think you’ll make an invention that’ll help us with the game, but I think you’re gonna fail to the floor. Loser of the bet, will be mechanic to the other.” “Oh you got a deal,” I said as I shook his hand. “Whatever you’re inventing it better be great,” said one of his teammates. “Trust me,” I said, “It will be,” I said. Later I was at the dorm coming up with some new inventions. Or…. So I thought. “Dead beat, low on plans, no ideas,” I said, “Useless, empty brain!” “Michael Morrison, washed up at 14,” said Anela, “So sad.” “I got nothing, I’m doomed!” I said, “I’m never gonna win this bet!” “Hey, I ain’t givin’ up on ya,” said Anela. Anela started shaking me around. “Annie what are you…” I said. “Use your imagination, come up with something phenomenal,” said Anela, “Use something new!” I looked at Clank. “Yes?” he asked. I then came up with an idea. “Hey Ratchet?” I asked, “Can you help me out with something?” We were at the garage working on Clank. “How long is this gonna take?” asked Micah. “You can’t rush creativity,” I said. I gave Clank a new propeller wing on his head. Then I created a suit for myself that matches our team’s color and made myself a paintball gun with Maddi’s help. After some tinkering it was finally ready. “While I do appreciate being able to assist you, I do find this position to be quite…. Disturbing,” said Clank. He was on my back. “Nice suit Bro,” said Micah, “Is that one for me?” She was pointing to a prototype. “That one’s for display only,” I said, “You handle it too much, its not gonna last.” I spent the next few days preparing for the first paintball game of the year. “You ready dude?” asked Anela. “Annie I practiced that course 1,000 times,” I said, “Of course I’m ready.” “Just remember its like Assassin’s Creed,” said Anela, “Only there’s no killing. One more thing.” She put a helmet on my face. “I’ll contact you through this speaker in your helmet and guide you all the way,” she said. “Anela you sure know how to help me out,” I said. I did a signature fist bump with Anela. “You too Clank,” I said. “high five is not in my paintball database,” said Clank. “Its not a fighting thing buddy,” I said, “Its what people do when they’re happy and such.” I did a high five and he did it as well, then followed with a back hand and a fist bump. “Blam, blam, shazam,” I said. “Abracadabra,” said Clank. “There you go,” I said. “I will add high five to my greeting matrix,” said Clank.

[some-sides-stories]

A Battle (Sort of)

Ambition taps her foot impatiently, the shadows behind her twisting and shifting. Pride is late. Again.

She tightens her braid, practices her dramatic monologue, executes a few practice swings of her sword. Nothing less than perfection, as always. As she’s constructing a scathing criticism of Pride’s ideas of honor and punctuality, a figure finally appears in front of her.

It isn’t Pride.

“Apathy. Lovely to see you.”

“‘Sup,” they greet lazily, floating a few feet off the ground. A piece of paper is in their hand.

“Where’s Pride?”

“Oh, they’re still kinda recovering from your last fight, so they couldn’t come,” Apathy drawls, eyes scanning whatever’s written on the paper. “They’re sorry, or whatever.”

Ambition scoffs. “Typical. So do I win by default?”

“Eh, not exactly. They sent me to sub in for them.”

Not the fight she was expecting, but she’ll take it. She clutches her sword with one hand, and the other comes up to swiftly to unclasp her cloak. Just as planned, it flies off behind her and melts into the shadows.

Apathy snickers. “Oh my god. And here I thought Pride was a dramatic nerd.”

They make no move to attack, so Ambition takes the initiative. Her grin is almost sharklike as she steps forward to slash at them. “As I’m sure you’re well aware, Liza’s productivity levels have been severely down this week. This whole month, nay, this entire summer has been horribly unproductive, especially when put next to the plans Liza drew up beforehand. To say nothing of the previous school year—”

“Okay, easy tiger, that’s a bit too broad for today, we can about about the school year later.” Apathy dodges easily, yawning as they do so. “But yep. Liza’s been unproductive. Being stressed and exhausted all the time kinda does that to a person.”

Interesting strategy, though knowing Apathy it wasn’t too surprising. “Liza’s stressed? During summer vacation? And exhausted, too! When there isn’t even any progress being made!” She punctuates each statement with a deadly flourish of her sword.

Apathy floats out of the way again, and shrugs. “Eyup. That seems to be the case, doesn’t it. Can you just get this over with and make your point?”

“Therefore,” she says, moving in for the kill. “Liza is a horrible person, an enormous waste of space, the absolute scum of the earth!”

Nobody has any right looking so calm with a sword at their throat, but somehow Apathy pulled it off.

“Okay. But that’s kiiiiinda an exaggeration, don’t you think?” Their lazy grin doesn’t falter. “I mean, you do hear yourself, right?”

“Exaggeration or not, you cannot deny that I have a point!” She plunges her sword into their neck, and Apathy dissolves into fog.

For a moment, she’s surprised that she’s defeated them so easily, until…

“Maybe you do, maybe you don’t.” Ambition whirls around to find Apathy floating behind her, unharmed.

She rushes in to attack once more. “Fight me properly, damn it!”

“I don’t have to,” Apathy yawns again. “Ugh. Pride’s always so nice to you, going on and on about 'honorable combat’ and 'giving you a sporting chance.’”

If one were looking closely, one might notice Ambition’s movements getting sloppier. “Of course! What other way could there be? Unless, of course, you were a coward…”

They don’t rise to the bait the way Pride would.

“Look, dude, Pride has some wonderful argument about how…” they squint at the paper they’re holding, “…Liza’s actually making more progress than you think, and there’re valid reasons Liza’s stressed, etcetera, but you can talk to them about it. Tbh, I think they’re giving you too much credit.”

“Excuse me?!”

Apathy smirks, and fog begins to materialize around them. “I’m not Pride. And unlike Pride, I don’t think Liza has time for your bullshit today, sorry. Don’t worry, I’ll make it quick.”

Ambition growls and swings her blade, but Apathy only dissolves into the fog every time.

They say nothing, not until the fog is so thick she can barely see, not until she is on the floor, limbs singing with exhaustion. Apathy crouches over her, still midair. “Yeah. Sorry, dude, but no matter what Pride thinks, Liza doesn’t have to listen to you. Yeah, sometimes you have a point. Sometimes you’re horribly wrong. But sometimes, fighting you, trying to convince you that you’re wrong? Huuuge waste of energy. Kinda like fighting me, actually.”

Too tired to protest, she concedes. “…fine. You win this time.” Apathy smiles softly, and her eyelids already feel heavy.

They turn to leave, then stop. “Oh, and Ambition?”

“What?!” she hisses.

Their eyes flicker over the list in their hand. “Pride told me to remind you that the nonbinary thing’s prooobably not a phase, so. Yeah. Not that experimenting with pronouns is bad or anything, but these ones’re probably here to stay. I know you’re self-doubt incarnate and everything, but c'mon.”

She frow…they frown. “…hmph. Noted. But tell them to tell me themself next time.”

“Sleep tight, dude,” Apathy throws them a lazy salute, and the soft, gentle fog blankets the mindscape at last.

[sinssquad]

svarth/muscan oneshot thingy

«Hey. » Svarth turned around with both of her hands grabbed around a warm cup. The scent of a red berries tea was just making its way around the room when she heard hard footsteps that did certainly not belong in her playlist of cosy and calm songs. Muscan’s tall figure was standing in the doorway between her tiny living room and even tinier kitchen. He had not even been bothered to take off his shoes on his way in. It was raining cats and dogs outside and yet he chose to wear his beloved leather jacket over a pink, now wet, shirt which slightly revealed the tattoo on his chest. Of course, she knew he was coming, he had been polite enough to tell her he wanted to come over but come on. Svarth had nearly had enough time to drag on sweatpants and a clean shirt before making sure her bedsit was looking at least somewhat decent.

“What’s up?” That was literally the only thing she could come up with when she saw his face. Beneath those raindrops filled glasses, his eyes were hard and he didn’t break into his usual smirk at her approach. Perhaps it was a dumb question. She knew something was up. Muscan wouldn’t just invite himself over and then be here in such a short time if it wasn’t something important.

“I just need someone to vent at, and Ikaros is acting intolerable.” He grabbed for a napkin from the counter as he removed his glasses to wipe them free from the raindrops. Svarth knew from experience this would probably last longer than she expected, and therefore grabbed a biscuit package before retreating to her couch in the living room.

“What did he do?” Muscan came tumbling after her, seating himself next to her with one arm resting on the sofa’s backrest behind her. His mouth was forced into a thin line as he just watched her, trying to find the words. Svarth sipped her tea, her face reddened as she remembered she had not offered the other anything. The poor lad, his curls were just now drying from the nearly flood outside. It was unusual to see him without any products in his hair. Even though she had forgotten to ask him about tea, he didn't seem to have any desire for it anyway.

“He didn't do anything. It's not him I came to talk about, or mainly I didn't come here to talk about him.”  His gaze dropped as the words left him. Svarth thought maybe he was acting a bit dramatic. She knew Ikaros could act cold towards people, but he always seemed so loving whenever Muscan was around. They were so comfortable with each other, and assuming from Muscan’s previous rants about the perfect Ikaros their relationship was adorable. Svarth knew though, Ikaros acted cold-blooded around Zakade. They were old classmates from middle school, and sometimes Svarth still found herself in receiving Zakade’s moaning through text whenever Ikaros showed up at the ICT. Zakade had told her all about him about the time when she had just met Muscan.

“Ikaros was, and always will be the biggest pompous scumbag cry baby you will ever meet, and this comes from me. You know perfectly well how little I care about pretty much anyone who’s got an attitude against me, but this guy, I swear to god. If you stand in his way of whatever he wants to achieve, you will feel his revenge in one way or another. Say you are someone like me, who does not give two fucks whatever the dick might think about me, and offend him even the slightest, he will throw curses and ugly looks at you. The thing is it bothers me so much, because he knows things about me. He knows, and he understands he can use these things against me. I think we almost got into a fight once. He told me, wait, I do not think I even want to tell you. It involved so much shit about me, and the very few people I surround myself with. I wished in that moment to kill him in the worst way. Back when we were kids, we had at least a somewhat decent relationship. We could discuss our common interests and play some at each other’s houses, but as we grew older I guess I got more and more tired of him bossing me around. He was the kind of kid who would cry the instant moment someone denied him something. And now he walks around, at least not crying anymore, but thinking he can still manipulate his way to things. How the fuck someone can have any sort of romantic feelings for him is beyond my imagination. Tell the dude I pay my condolences.”

Sometimes he made her uncomfortable, giving off loathing looks. Oh, she could feel so worthless after interacting with him. Ikaros was not a person close to her. They did not speak that much, luckily enough according to her best friend. It was usually the looks whenever Zakade or Muscan stumbled upon him while being out with her.

“It’s just everything with Avarit is stressing me out. She keeps getting more and more intense.”

“Oh no. How?”

“She is literally spamming me at all times. There is never a second alone. Like, it’s getting to the point where I get worried if she is not sending me anything.”

“Did you mute her?”

“Of course I did. Sometimes we hang out, okay, because I am a nice guy.” Svarth lifted her eyebrows at this statement. It was mostly in a way to tease him, but Muscan wasn't exactly the nice guy either. When Svarth came to think of it, she didn't really know anyone who would fit the “nice guy” description at all. Maybe Muscan only thought not acting like Ikaros would make him a nice guy? But Muscan is dating Ikaros. Maybe Svarth and Zakade were the only ones thinking of Ikaros as a not-nice guy. Whatever a nice guy was in Muscan’s eyes, Svarth could not imagine a nice guy being cold hearted and whining over simple things. He did not like to admit it, but Muscan could get bothered over even the smallest things. Much like his boyfriend, according to Zakade. Svarth thought Ikaros sounded worse, though. Muscan tried always to somehow solve the problem, but mostly to make it go his way. To see things from another perspective, was not something he was good at.

“What is she like when you hang out then?” she asked.

“It feels a bit like she is expecting too much of me. She tends to get really rude for no reason.”

‘Like your boyfriend much?’ Svarth wanted to say that, but she did not dare. There was no way she could just talk of Ikaros like that when she did not even know him that well. All she had to judge from was Zakade’s accusations against him. Muscan would probably not appreciate it if the one he was trusting all his feelings onto, would judge them. So instead of the smug remark, she said “Maybe she just doesn't know you well enough to know your limits and what you are actually like. I mean, you haven't known her for that long, have you?” Muscan shrug his shoulders.

“At least more than half a year. Ikaros have known her for a way longer time though. She is an old school friend of his, like Zak.” Zakade had never mentioned this, probably because Svarth didn't really know Avarit, she was Vidiae's girlfriend and they had met once but other than that Avarit was just a name occasionally mentioned by her friends, and had therefore never asked him about it, but it also gave Svarth a little more perspective into Avarit’s background. The school Zakade had attended along with Ikaros was a private school, where you had to pay a tuition so high Svarth would not even dare to suggest that school for her parents. If you were to attend the school, you had to be wealthy or have a scholarship, but scholarships were not for middle school, were they? So she was most likely wealthy, and that would maybe explain her interest in Muscan as well. Money had never been a problem for him, and Svarth found it hard to make him relate to her own situation. If Muscan had grown up in their city, he would probably attend the same school. And I mean, the guy was pretty good looking, and sometimes might actually show some of this “nice guy” he claimed he was. He could be funny, and he was conscious about what he wore. With a little daydreaming, he could be the prince every girl who dreamt of boys, dreamt of. Wait.

“Is she still dating Vidiae? The last time I talked to her, they still were.” The curly head- no the other curly head that was not Svarth rolled his eyes. Svarth had a tendency to lose track in conversations, and come up with another topic just to bring herself back in.

“Svarth, I'm not here to talk about Vidiae. Listen, she is nuts.”

“She's just in love with you. Tell her you are not interested.”

“I did that.” His voice began to tremble. The blue-green eyes of his widened as if they were struck with lightning. A sudden realization perhaps? Suddenly, Muscan seemed so much more aware of something. The intensity of his stare made Svarth shift in her seat. She placed her tea cup on the table next to the couch, and grabbed his hand in a way of trying to calm him down. His hand grabbed hers so hard, she thought she could feel the blood circulation stopping. Svarth had never seen him this way, and it made a sickly worried feeling grow in her stomach.

“What happened?” she asked, but she realized soon enough she probably shouldn't have, or? She wasn't sure. The grip around her hand strengthened, and Muscan just looked at her with tears forming in his eyes. His mouth trying to find the right words to explain. To say something was not right, was an understatement. Never had Svarth seen him like this. She didn't know Avarit, but she knew she must have been a terrible fucking person, to cause Muscan this much pain. Whatever the fuck she had done, Svarth hoped she felt pretty fucking bad about it.

“I-, I-, she-, I- “As quickly as he stuttered the words, he just threw himself over her, burying his face in her chest. This forced her to lean against the corner of the couch. The tall, and somewhat chubby guy laid heavily on her, but she couldn't do anything but hug him closer and let her hand stroke his back. What could she do? The guy was sobbing, and she could feel warm tears through her shirt. Sobbing was a terrible sound, Svarth had always thought, unless they were happy, but most of the sobs she heard were sad. They cut like knives through her stomach, and sometimes she couldn't bear to watch the person crying. The sight of some other’s tears, made her own eyes form some. When a person like Muscan cried, it hurt even worse. Despite him being a “nice guy”, he never failed to smile. If he were not, like today, something was terribly wrong. He was always the guy to make life, to wear a proud attitude, the only feelings he would show were the positive ones, and that had made even Svarth think he was somewhat incapable of sad feelings. She realized now she was wrong. Everyone, even Muscan, could cry sometimes.

“Take your time. I have all night.” She told him, before placing a soft kiss on his curly head. It felt as if minutes on minutes went by before Muscan bared to do anything but sob. He muttered something into her chest. The words were hard to make out, so Svarth asked him to repeat himself. He lifted himself from the awkward position, and sat up again, wiping his now red eyes.

“She hit me, and I fell. It didn’t hurt, I swear. I was just really confused, and I still am. I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I. Maybe she became a little frustrated, but that’s still not an excuse.”

“I tried to tell Ikaros, but he tried to twist it into something worse. I couldn’t bother to tell him the whole story, because I knew he would just become furious.” Svarth was a little relieved to know Muscan seemingly had not taken the violence too hard, and that the crying probably came from Ikaros’ attitude to the problem. It was not hard to imagine how Ikaros felt though. His boyfriend had been hurt by one of his friends, of course he would become a bit angry and want payback. It sounded a lot like something he would do, from what she knew about him. But also, she did understand Muscan as well. He seemed a bit embarrassed by it all. Maybe later he would pull himself together and talk to Avarit.

“Will you tell me the whole story?”

“No. I don’t think so. I just need someone who won’t freak out, and stop listening to how I am feeling.”

“That’s fine. You do you.” Suddenly Svarth became aware of the biscuit packet she brought in with her, and handed it to the other one.

“Take one. Maybe you’ll feel a bit better. Sweets always help.” She smiled.