#i feel like we haven’t seen a video like this of him in EONS

[capnseriouslycanadian]

lil stickhandling before the game in vancouver 🏒 (via nhlblackhawks on instagram)

[randomoranges]

welcome to my splurgy hc where err year since 5evr, emma would drive down over and she and ét would then go out to see the nutcracker ballet the following day. they dress up and Make a Big Deal of it and have a grand old time of it. 

Nutcracker 

end December 2020

 Étienne clicks on the link and waits for the screen to load. The wheel spins for a moment, but soon, he sees the edges of a stage appear on the screen. He makes it bigger and dares to believe that he’s actually in a theatre, somewhere, and not sitting up in bed in his boyfriend’s guestroom. He reaches for his headphones and plugs those in, before he opens another application to video call Emma. 

 Even though he's been living in what he likes to call Zoom Hell, this, if anything is different. He doesn't need to worry about presenting a certain way, he doesn't have to be Perky and Upbeat, and he doesn't need to be engaging and alert. He can simply sit back, enjoy his friend's company and be himself, sharp edges and foul mood included.

 She's already there and he recognises her living room sofa. If he at least could have been sitting with her, it would have made this a little better, but he supposes he has to content himself with what he has. At least he’s not exactly alone. At least they can do this ‘together.’ 

 Étienne hadn’t been surprised when he’d found out that the Nutcracker presentations were cancelled this year, but at the same time, it had been another nail in his coffin. He understood why, he had figured it was bound to happen, but he had also been desperately hanging onto the hope that maybe for the end of the year, they could be allowed to do something fun again. That he could see his friends, his family, and get lost in his city without having to watch his every move. That, had not happened.  

 For as long as he could remember, ever since there had been a production of the Nutcracker that came and played in Montréal, Étienne and Emma had gone together. It was their little holiday tradition and Étienne loved it. For one afternoon, they dressed in their finest and pretended to be part of the elite society who went to the ballet often. They always got the same seats, they splurged on a cab and then a fancy dinner and had a grand old time of it all.  

 They never tired of seeing the same ballet and enjoyed picking the differences in the performances they had seen over the many years they had been coming. The dancers were never the same, each director brought on their own little special touch and they had their personal favourites and least favourites. (Étienne had loved the production of 82, Emma had hated the one of 03.) 

 The Nutcracker was familiar and comforting, but always amazed them by the performance of the ballerinas and the audacity in the costumes and productions.  

 However, this year, none of that was happening. If anything, Étienne wasn’t even in the same time zone as Emma. However, when Emma had found out that an online production from the previous year would be available to view online, she’d sent him the link and asked if he wanted to see it with her. Étienne knew that it wouldn’t be the same – that nothing could compare to being seated in the theatre next to her – that he couldn’t hold her hand and she couldn’t whisper in his ear about how wonderful one piece was, or how much she hated this one costume – but, he’d ended up agreeing.  

 If anything, this wasn’t the production they had seen last year and it would give him an excuse to chat with her for a bit. Even though they tried to video chat once a week, they were both occupied with their own realities and sometimes, their schedules didn’t align for as long as they would have liked. Étienne had his classes, Emma had her own work and throughout it all there was everything else; time zones, Mercury, Edward, Lucas, errands, his incapacity to function on some days...  

 They've agreed that their formal, nice clothes aren’t needed today, but Étienne still goes so far as to find the nicest shirt he had thrown in his suitcase (in case they were still allowed to go out in public) and it feels a little bare without a bow tie, but it’ll have to do. (Calvin had offered him one of his neck ties, he had politely declined.) He even fixed his hair and he can’t help but smile when he sees his friend’s face on the screen.  

 “So, how’s exile treating you?” She asks as the “guests” on screen are settling in.

 Étienne ponders this for a moment, before he replies, “It’s – well, it’s not home, but it has its perks.” He does miss home – even if he couldn’t do what he wants to, he does miss the streets and the familiar faces. He misses his neighbourhood and his home. He misses the local eateries he would visit, the sight of the buildings and the sound of a familiar language. Still, this way he gets to spend time with Edward; make up for the lost years and such. Reconnect, rebuild and move on. He gets to further discover Edmonton and get a better sense of the place. He supposes there’s that much. Hell, he’s even developing favourite places and regular spots. Edward teases him and says he needs to watch himself, or else he’ll be needing the GPS for when he goes back home.

 “And how’s that boyfriend of yours?”

 Étienne rolls his eyes at her and laughs, “Edward is fine; he’s being very nice and patient with me. How’s – yours?” He knows it’s hard to believe, but he does try – for Emma’s sake – to be more – tolerant of Lucas. He doesn’t need to understand why it is she cares for him, but the fact remains that she does and she seems happy. He can try his best and make an effort even if there are still certain things that leave a bitter after taste in his mouth decades later.

 “Lucas is also fine,” She tells him, “Any idea when you’ll be heading back east?” She seems almost hopeful that he’ll say soon and part of him wishes he would.

 “I – don’t know.” He replies truthfully. “I was originally going to come back after the holidays, but then figured I could actually stay until Edward’s birthday. Do you realise, this’ll be the first time in a think forever that I can spend it with him?” He smiles softly at that. Edward’s visited him many times for his birthday, but Étienne never really had a chance to come out west for Edward’s. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but Edward had never really invited him over and he had felt a little unsure if he should just – show up unannounced. (He knows he can do that now and honestly, he likes the idea that he can.) And from the top of his head, he can’t recall if Edward was ever in town soon after his birthday, especially not if he’d flown over to spend the holidays with him. If anything, they most likely celebrated before he headed back. There had always been an excuse about work, obligations, and such.

 “But I guess I don’t really know. It’s not as if things are any better back home and it’s still winter. At least here, I have company. I don’t – trust myself alone at the moment.” He says quietly, luckily Emma knows what he means by that, and he doesn’t have to go into the gory details. She offers him a kind smile for his troubles and maybe Étienne imagines it, but he’s convinced she almost reaches out for him. Lifts her hand just so as if she wants to touch the screen, make him know she’s there, even if she’s so very far away. He appreciates the gesture. “Maybe when spring rolls around – if Edward hasn’t kicked me out yet,” He doesn’t want to overstay his visit even though Edward has told him countless times that he can stay here as long as he wants. Still, he’d hate for his boyfriend to grow tired of his constant shifting mood. He’s already tired of himself, he can only imagine how Edward will feel in the long term. Once he really realises what it’s like living with him twenty-four-seven during the winter. “I guess we’ll see.”

 “Would you – consider making a stop before going back to yours?” Emma asks quietly and Étienne is curious by what she means. “I mean – I was thinking – but maybe, you could come here, before going back home. For a bit. We could quarantine together. Or something. Two weeks. Make sure you’re note diseased and such,” She adds as a joke, but Étienne reads between her words, knows her enough to hear what it is she means – what she wants to say but doesn’t.

 “Think you can handle me for that long with nothing else to do?” He jokes, but he’s honest. It’s one thing spending a weekend catching up and taking it easy. It’s another to spend ten to fourteen days with each other and little else to do. He’s known Emma for eons and yet he feels she’d grow tired of him as well.

 “I haven’t seen you since July; I have enough subscriptions to streaming sites that I think we’d manage. Plus, I can always drag you out on walks by the Canal and watch you slowly freeze.”

 He laughs at that and Emma seems immensely pleased with herself. “It’ll be like a little vacation – just, not down south.”

 He’s been on vacation with Emma countless times. She’s been his go-to travel buddy for decades now and the idea starts to grow at the back of Étienne’s mind, regardless of his anxious thoughts. It would be nice to see her again. Catch up. Hold her close in his arms. Grow fondly exasperated at her. Stay up late and share secrets. Fall asleep knowing she’d be there in the morning.

 “What if they close the provincial borders?” He does genuinely worry about that, the longer he stays here. Case numbers are going up fast everywhere and the predictions don’t seem favourable. It would be the next logical step. Edward has assured him that even if for some reason he’s at wits end with him, he won’t kick him out. It had been – reassuring. However, for as much as he likes the time he’s spending with Edward he does want and need to go back home at a certain point. He doesn’t like being away for so long. He knows he ends up being and feeling even more disconnected.

 “I’ll – I’ll figure something out. Fly you out as an Important Federal Matter, or something. I’ll drive over if I have to. Pick you up. We can road trip it back.”

 He laughs, amused by her enthusiasm; him, a Federal Matter – that would be the day, “The borders will be closed though – for driving,”

 “Then – I don’t know! You used to travel there by canoe, foot, and horse before. I’m sure we could rig something up.”

 If anything, Étienne knows where to get horses, but he’s not about to tell Emma any of that just yet. He doesn’t need her concocting schemes at the moment.  

 “Yeah,” He finally says.

 “You’ll consider it?”

 “Yeah, I’ll come. When I head back.” He clarifies and she seems surprised, but really pleased.

 “Yeah?” Her smile brightens and Étienne yearns to be there next to her. To kiss her cheek and hear her laugh. For her to tickle his sides until he’s wheezing. To see her. Properly.

 “Of course; I miss you, believe it or not.” He does. Even if they didn’t necessarily see each other every weekend, knowing that she was close by was enough. Before, he could pick up and drop by for the day. Get on a train or a bus and spend the day with her. Even if it was only for a few hours. He’s lost track of how many times he’s done it. Now – now he doesn’t even know when he’ll ever be able to do that again.

 “I miss you too.”

 He hates how vulnerable she sounds – how vulnerable they both sound and how there’s nothing he can do to make it better. Emma is strong and sure-footed, it's not like her to be this way and he supposes this pandemic – this whole year has taken its toll on her as well. Still, it’s a little disconcerting. Of course, he’s seen Emma be vulnerable – in private, never in front of others, but – this time, there’s little he can do to make her feel better. He can’t even give her a proper fucking hug.

 Luckily, the show starts and it gives them an excuse to quiet down. The production, if anything, is one they haven't seen – one from a different company than Les Grands Ballets, so at least, for that, they have something to focus on. Despite that, however, Emma is oddly quiet – more so than usual and Étienne wonders what it is that's running through her head. He gives her a little time to just be and ends up getting caught up in the production, his perpetual vagabond thoughts and the soft weight of Mercury on his lap. His mind slowly processes the conversation they've just had and he thinks of theatres, vacations and the possibilities of doing something semi-normal again, one day.

 “Étienne,” Emma cuts through a particularly good rendition of a pas-chassé. He looks away from the stage and focuses on the upper left square where Emma's face is visible.

 “Yeah?'” His throat is a little thick and heavy with emotions he’s not quite sure he knows where they came from and he swallows down the bubbling anxiety that seems to want to make a breakthrough to freedom.

 “Promise me you'll be okay?”

 He blinks, wondering where this is coming from and maybe realises that he’s equally been a little quieter than usual. Emma, of course, knows what that could mean and he hates that she worries about him, on top of everything else on her plate.

 “Of course – but you gotta be okay too. I need to see you when I head home.”

 She nods, making the silent promise, and they fall quiet again, submerged in the world of the Nutcracker and childlike dreams.

 FIN

emma belongs to at @ultimate-quartz

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #257

I hope y’all are behaving and staying inside. This’ll blow over, folks.

Have you ever met a guy for coffee? No. How often do you get called on your home phone? We don't have a landline. Do you feed your leftovers to your dogs? We don't have a dog anymore. When we had them, we very rarely did. Mom did so more than me, and I wouldn't give them anything if they were begging. Except chicken nuggets with Teddy. There was no denying him chicken nuggets. Do you like salt on your popcorn? Yes. What tricks does your pet do? Well one is a snake and my cat doesn't know any because since when do cats obey you lmao. Do you believe in psychics? No. When you hear the name “Ginger” what do you think of? Jason's old fatass dog. What is the worst damage that your car has seen? N/A Who is your least favourite character on your favourite television show? In Meerkat Manor, fuck that, I loved them all, lmao. Well, I remember I was bitter towards Rita/Amira for killing Rocket Dog's pups, but even then I knew that was meerkat nature to ensure the survival of their own offspring. That '70s Show, definitely no one. I adore all the characters. For Fullmetal Alchemist, honestly, there are SO many that I don't remember probably even half of them. BUT, from what I do remember, Nina's dad whose name evades me. You watch it and you know why alkdsjf;kaldjw. Have you gotten sick this year? No. When was the last time you got a new ringtone? Eons ago. Where do you put your keys when you get home? They're always in my purse. What’s your phone background picture? Lock screen is a cute as fuck picture of Mark, home screen is two meerkats. If you could move to any country, what would it be? Realistically, Canada. Have you ever seen a snake in the wild? Plenty of times. Do you have any posters, paintings or other artwork on your walls? A LOT. My walls are cramped; it makes it feel homey to me. Would you ever take a trip to space if given the chance? Nah, too long of a journey. How do you cope with anxiety? Watch YouTube more attentively, listen to music, nap, take one of my anxiety meds. Are you expecting any phone calls or emails? No. Who makes you laugh the most? In my "real life," my dad. Out of anyone that includes those I don't actually know, probably Shane Dawson. He's a Mood, constantly. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Oh, plenty. I have like the most common white girl middle name out there. What did you have done the last time you saw a dentist? I had a cavity filled. What does a successful relationship look like to you? Both ends are happy, communication is ideal and easy for the pair, both feel loved and accepted fully, and each has healthy freedom. What do you like to put on your baked potato? The ordinary butter, cheese, and bacon bits. What field of science interests you the most? Genetics. What’s the closest shop or restaurant to your house? A Zaxby's and McDonald's are tied, being right across the street from each other. What was the most memorable birthday you’ve had? My 16th is the one I remember best, but not in a good way. What is the best house you’ve ever lived in? Our last house, aesthetically. Right in the woods and relatively pretty, yet simple. Do you look in the mirror before you leave the house? Yeah. Have you ever seen someone quit their job in a dramatic way? No. Do you know why your parents named you what they did? No. I think Mom just liked the name, though. What do you like to dip your fries in? Ketchup, mostly. Is your house clean or messy right now? It's actually really clean right now. We've had a lot of help around the house recently thanks to family and friends with Mom's cancer, and then I've been much neater and attentive to cleanliness than usual because 1.) it's my responsibility to ensure it is for Mom's health and 2.) I dropped out of school so literally have zero excuses to not be doing at least one productive thing. What was the last email you received? That wasn't trash, it was from my old major's dean in school. She was trying to comfort me and give me options on what to do versus leave, but yeah. I'll 100% give it to the school that they deeply and sincerely care for their students, I just needed to go. Do you know someone who speaks without a filter? lmao me. Well, depends, I guess, actually. I know when to keep my mouth shut in some situations. What’s your favourite kind of museum? Science museums. Especially those with d i n o z. Do you believe in alternate universes? I'm open to it, especially with the mandela effect theories, but I don't think so. Whose house did you last visit? My older sister's. What games do you play on your smart phone? Pokemon GO (if I'm in an area w/ Stops to get balls) and Dragons of Atlantis. What kinds of decorations do you put up at Halloween? We don't really decorate anymore for Halloween, or holidays in general. How many tabs do you have open right now? Two. What’s something you’ve been meaning to do but keep putting off? Try more sites to hopefully get a poem I wrote published, but that crippling fear of rejection tho. :^) What’s the first thing you check on your phone at the start of the day? The time. Have you ever flown a kite? Yeah, I loved that as a kid. I’m guessing you’ve probably been asked this before, but which do you prefer - Coca Cola, or Pepsi? Coke. Pepsi is gross. Has your phone ever gone off in the middle of a class at school? No. Did you go to your school dances? Did you dance with anyone? Just two proms. We didn't dance tho because the music was shit. What’s your relationship with the last person you talked to on the phone? What was your conversation about? Like, talk-talked, no texting? Uhhh who was that. OH YEAH, my sister. My mom didn't answer her phone so she just called me to make sure she was okay. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner?
 No, I never do. It just adds oil to your hair, and mine is naturally oily enough. Do you have an item of clothing that reminds you of someone? Tell me about it, and the person it reminds you of. I have a lot, none positive. If the last girl you texted told you that she was pregnant, how would you respond? Ask her who the fuck I need to kill. How would you react if your mother told you that she was pregnant again? Well considering 1.) she's past menopause and 2.) she has serious ovarian and Fallopian cancer, I'd say that's pretty impossible. Who do you have the most text messages from? Sara. The last time you skipped school, what was the reason?
 Uhhh if you mean "skip" as in I had seriously no realistic reason not to go, I think I was just really tired. I tried not to skip unless I was having serious mental health issues. When did you last see or speak to someone you dislike? Why do you dislike this person? I actually don't know who that would be. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I rarely sing. I just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yes. Does more than one person like you? *shrugs* Has your partner ever accused you of cheating, when you actually didn’t? No. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Jason. Of course I do sometimes. Other times I know it's probably for the better we have nothing to do with each other anymore. Do you like your middle name?
 I mean it's pretty, but boy do I wish it was more original. If your hair is long, would you ever think about having it cut short? Or, if it’s short, would you like to grow it long? I doubt it will ever be long again. Would you consider your parents to be strict? Dad never was at all; Mom sorta was when I was little. Do you have a mirror in your room? On the back of my door. Have you ever worked in food service? No, thank God. Do you often stay in your pajamas all day? I almost always do, unless I have to go out somewhere. I pretty much never leave my house ever, forget just quarantine, so like... why make more laundry. What are three YouTube videos you would like to film soon? N/A Do you ever listen to country music? No. What is your most severe allergy? Pollen. What’s the largest library fine you’ve ever had? Oh wow, no clue. I haven't been the library in millennia. Have you ever lost a library card? *shrugs* Name three literary characters you feel resemble you the most. UH yikes. This requires too much thought for me rn. Name three cartoon characters that resemble you, and say why. Ummmm I still don't know. Do you have a good doctor? I haven't seen her enough times yet to honestly say. Mom knows and likes her well, though. She's fine so far. Do you wear a watch every day? If so, what color is your watch? No, I never do. Does your phone alarm ever scare you? No, it's very peaceful. Which department store do you shop at the most? Wal-Mart. How old were you when you got your driver’s license? I'm 24 and am yet to have it. Do you have regrets? A good handful or two. Do you ever curl your hair? It's too short to do so. Do you know anyone who has coronavirus? No, and I pray I never do for my mom's sake. Out of all the big cities you’ve visited, which has/have been your favorite? Chicago is the only big city I've ever been it. Was pretty damn dope, though. Do you like dreamcatchers? I mean, they're cool. I don't believe in them being magical, though. Have you ever made a dreamcatcher, and if not, would you like to learn? No and no. Who was your high school’s biggest bully? I don't remember. What color was your graduation cap and gown? Red. Did you keep your graduation cap? I think I did. Did you decorate your graduation cap? Nope. What is your favorite part of nature? The animals within it. Do you use Photoshop? Yes. Favorite photo editing app on your phone? I don't have an editing app. Did you love or hate college? Well, considering I dropped out three times, guess. Favorite class in high school? Art. Favorite class in college? Idk. Probably Writing. Class you hated the most in high school? Math. Class you hated the most in college? Painting brought me the most stress. Do you know how to write in calligraphy? Not technically. Have you ever had a pen pal? No. Do you prefer brownies or cookies? Brownies. Man I could go for one. Favorite Girl Scout cookie? Those Reeses-ish ones. Did you ever go camping as a kid? No. Do you have hormone issues? No. Have you ever gotten a misdiagnosis because your parent(s) lied about you? Er, no? A shitty doctor has misdiagnosed me, though. Which Barbie doll was your favorite? I didn't even know there were "types"... Do you wake up to an alarm? No. When did you go to bed yesterday? Like, 8-something... I rarely make it past 9:30 nowadays. Do you live in a city, town, or in the country? The country. What color is your toothbrush? White. When was the last time you had a nightmare? Yesterday while I was napping. Woke up shrieking and scared Mom out of her skin. Tainted my mood almost the rest of the day. If you had a terminal illness, would you want to know? No shit I would. What was the last thing someone called you other than your real name? I don't know. If you could meet anyone who lived before your time, who would it be? I have no clue. Is there a candle in the room you are in? No. Are you currently taking any prescribed medication? More than I like. Do you have bad anxiety? If so, do you take any kind of medications for it? Yes and yes. Who was the last person you felt you were wasting your time on? I don't know. One thing you’ve experienced that you thought you never would have? A suicide attempt. What was the last thing someone said to you that kept repeating over & over in your head? Ugh. If a random person were to look through the photos on your phone, is there anything you’d be embarrassed about? No. If you could, would you work from home? Do you think that would make you more or less productive? No no no no. I need a reason to leave the house. I'm way more productive away from home anyway. What were you like in middle school? "The weird kid" describes it pretty well. If you could give one charity a million dollars, what charity would you donate money to? YIKES!!!! Now that's a question. Probably something for suicide prevention/awareness. What is something you’re surprised hasn’t been invented yet? The cure for cancer. It's incredible, just how many "possible" cures have been identified in nature, yet you like... hear NOTHING about it afterwards??? My conspiratory and "the medical industry just cares more about money" ass wonders about that a lot. Most disturbing movie you have ever seen? Paranormal Entity or The Rite. Has a life goal or dream ever come true for you yet? If yes, what is it? If no, do you think you’ll achieve it? No. And probably not. What one thing has always bothered you, but seems to bother no one else? Hm. I'm sure there's something. Do you still own a VCR and VHS tapes? No, pretty sure they've all been sold. Did you ever build furniture forts as a child? Yep. What kind of dog is your favorite? Pretty sure I'm biased towards beagles. Are the majority of your friends male or female? Female, I think? Have you ever considered dropping acid? Noooo sir. Would you consider yourself to be mature? Mostly. Describe your music style: I like unique alternative stuff. Catchy, heavy riffs do me in easily, too. I like well thought out, dark, and impactful lyrics. Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? Not very. Have you ever had a seizure? No. When was the last time you were in a hospital? For myself, 2017. I think. Do you go on vacations a lot? I never do. Are you self-conscious around other people? Very. At your workplace, are you required to wear a uniform? N/A Have you ever witnessed a physical fight in real life? Huh, good question actually. What was your GPA in high school? 4.2/3 or something. Do you use a lot of hair products? I don't use any. I mean, besides shampoo. What is the most amount of money you’ve spent at one time? My own money, I think $300 on a tattoo. What is the best pizza place out there? Domino's. I'm such a basic bitch. Do you know how to play any odd instruments most people can’t play? Nope. When was the last time you used a disposable camera? I think the zoo visit in 5th grade. What is your favorite book series, if you have one? Can't say I really have one. It definitely used to be Warriors by Erin Hunter, but I haven't read any in maaaaaany years. Do you have any celebrity autographs? Nah. What is your favorite color of clothing to wear? Just black. Admit it – you want a Snuggie. What design/color? I got a black one one Christmas, lol. They're honestly not all that great. Do you prefer movies at home or movies at the theater? THE THEATER. I actually enjoy watching movies in the theater. It's just the vibe, I guess, and the size of the screen so you take in everything. How many songs does your iTunes have? Just over 1k. Its memory is maxed out, oof, so if I want a new song, I have to thin the library out. Do you take a shower in the morning or the night before? I've been taking showers more often in the morning, lately. It's a nice, refreshing start to the day. I'm just too tired and unmotivated to at night. Who’s your youngest teacher? N/A When’s the last time you had a rock, paper, scissors match? Wow, no clue. What’s your favorite anime? Fullmetal Alchemist. Did you cry when Ash let his Butterfree go with the other Butterfrees? Oh I probably did, but THEN AGAIN, the female was FUCKIN PINK so I'm sure I was also happy for Butterfree lmao. Even as a kiddo, I knew pink was The Shit. Skinny, flared, ripped, or faded jeans? Skinny, ripped ones. What are you excited for? Just honestly, nothing in the even remotely near future. Nothing in my life is exciting rn. Are you part of the Farmville cult? Never played. Have you ever stood on a frozen solid body of water? YIKES besides like, small puddles, definitely not. I'd be scared to. Which person from way back when would you love to hang out with? Jenna, an old best friend, came to mind first here. It'd be great to catch up with her. She called me in the hospital after my suicide attempt despite not talking in absolutely forever, and I'm never going to forget that. Does your family use a real pine tree or a plastic one for Christmas? Plastic. Literally the only positive of the real ones is the smell. Otherwise, it's a mess that dies too quickly. Do you have any foreign exchange students at your school? N/A What’s your second language? I'm not fluent in it, definitely not anymore, but the language I took for four semesters was German. Is it uncomfortable for you to take showers in glass stalls w/out curtains? OH MY GOD I would positively hate that. Even IF I had a decent body. Did you understand Shakespeare? I was alright. What was the last shot you got? It was a numbing agent into my gums. They had to do it like... seven times. Apparently, I'm just like. Really hard to numb. Ever gotten cavities? Yeah. Do you use hair ties as bracelets? I don't even wear hair ties. What was the last school project you did that you couldn’t wait to turn in? Uhhh... I don't remember. Have you ever graded papers? I actually have; I was helping a teacher on work day. I used to go back to my elementary school a lot to visit my favorite teachers. What was your favorite year of school up to this point? Maybe like, junior year of high school? Or senior. I don't remember which one of those I enjoyed more. I just remember I loved my art class, I had great grades, my relationship was strong, yada yada. What’s the latest you’ve ever woken up? Like 5-6 PM. Had a busy night and that evening was a complete panic attack because my system was so thrown off. One thing I DON'T miss from high school: how bad my anxiety was. Can you recite the alphabet backwards? NOOOO I cannot. Like, at all. Are you a sucker for foreign accents? Some, yes. Do you do yoga? Not anymore.

[triple-a-enderdragon]

Hmm. This is a new find. Wonder what’s in it...

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Was this a dream? Something told him it was. Even with an elytra, this was impossible.

Grian floated through the night sky, aimless. Was he lucid dreaming? He concentrated, trying to make something appear. Hm. Nothing. And so he wandered.

After an eon and an instant, something was different. Had that been there before? No. Yes! He wasn't sure.

Welcome.

That was definitely new. "Uh, hello?"

A gentle wave of warmth washed over him, along with a feeling of...approval?

Hello. An apparition, feminine in nature, appeared before the builder. I have been watching for a while, but the time has come. Wings Grian had not yet seen, two pairs, unfurled as the being beckoned him closer. Walk with me.

Grian, however, was rooted to the spot. "Who are you?" he blurted out.

The being chuckled, another wave of warmth came. Why, I am Air. I am the wind beneath your wings, I am the breeze dancing in the leaves. Would you mind a walk? I have much to show you.

They walked side by side for many minutes; Grian wondering what it as she wanted to show him. But as time went on, he began to notice things about the lands below. There was the Halloween district, Jevin's base, his own base, the main island, Cub's massive golf course. The long, thin ice biome Iskall and Stress share. Mumbo's perimeter. The Iron Titan.

She was showing him the world the hermits called home.

I see this every day. You are all busy little bees; it is honestly a joy to watch you work. The wistful look she had was replaced by a more serious one. But I have been putting off something for far too long.

"Is that why you've brought me here?"

You're a quick learner. She turned away, towards the direction they came. Come. We must return.

A meandering journey brought them back to the start. The cloudy, weightless structure rose before them, the sunrise a perfect background.

You will wake soon. Air turned to face Grian. But first, I have a proposition for you.

~~~

The next thing Grian knew, someone was barreling into his base, shouting his name. He shifted in bed, turning to face the man who so rudely interrupted his sleep.

Instead, he found Iskall, holding a familiar piece of paper, absolutely speechless. At first, Grian thought he was speechless about the paper, but then he noticed Iskall looking just behind him. Then he remembered the dream. Oh.

Now it was Grian's turn to be shocked, as he awkwardly unfurled two large and very real wings.

"Well, you certainly never cease to surprise me," Iskall said, still mesmerized. The paper in his hand was forgotten.

"Um, yeah. About this...have you ever heard of Elements?"

"Well, I mean, yeah. There's oxygen, carbon, gold, copper-"

"No no no," Grian interrupted, "like powerful beings that control aspects of reality."

Iskall looked like at him like he was slightly crazy. "No, I haven't. Sorry, dude."

"Well, it was one of these Elements that gave me these," Grian gestured to his new wings, "along with some other stuff."

"Sounds kinda like what Wels had years ago. And from what he told me, these kinda things don't come free. I would be careful if I were you."

"I know, but Iskall! Look!" And Grian spread his wings, stretching them to the limit. "I won't have to worry about elytra anymore! Or rockets!" Iskall looked like he would much rather stick with elytra and rockets, thank you very much.

Grian then realized Iskall was here for a reason, and it wasn't because of his new wings. So he turned to the Swede and asked, "So what brought you here anyway?"

Iskall snapped back to reality. "Right! Well, I came here to..." He looked at the paper in his hand. "I thought you might have something to do with this." Grian leaned in to look at what the paper said. The familiar phrase of ISKALL, ARCHITECH, LOL? met him, and he couldn't help but giggle.

"Yeah, I thought you might."

"So? What's your answer?" said Grian with a mischievous smile.

"What do you think!? That I'm going to give up an opportunity like this? I need something big to do now the war is over."

"What, the war you started?"

"I didn't start it!" Iskall said indignantly, "I merely...helped it along. And yes. I accept."

"Ok lol." And with that, Grian spread his wings and took off.

And promptly crashed into the floor.

He picked himself up and turned to a very smug Iskall. "No one needs to know about that. No one at all," warned Grian. Iskall was still slyly grinning as he turned to leave. "I mean it! No one!"

"Yeah yeah, I hear you." Iskall turned around one last time to say, "You should probably learn how to use those."

"That's what I was going to do!" Grian shouted at the fleeing silhouette.

~~~

Xisuma was in his base. He was spending more time there than usual; on a day like this he would be working on Tower Bay, but the anomalies from the Nether had grown more concerning as time passed. His base had the easiest access to the world framework, so X occupied his hands doing busywork, continuing long after his base was as clean and orderly as he could make it. Often with difficult problems, his base ended up looking spotless and sterile; unlived in.

Eventually, a beeping brought him back to reality. The beeping was from his suit, reminding him he hadn't eaten in over twelve hours. Or rested. Or done anything else, really. Maybe taking a break from the Nether problem was a good idea,  X was exhausted and could feel a headache coming on.

Before he could do anything about that, however, he heard the nether portal go off; Impulse climbing out of it.

"Hey, X!"

"Hey, Impulse. What brings you here?" X turned to his friend, who looked bizarrely concerned.

"Man, I didn't realize...you look tired, do you want me to come back later?"

X waved his hand, dismissing the thought. Why did the others think he couldn't handle a little stress? "No, I'm fine. Tell what's on your mind."

Impulse didn't look convinced, but continued anyway, "I don't know if you know anything about this, I'm worried about Tango; he's been acting weird lately."

This piqued X's interest. "How so?" he prompted.

"Well, for one he's distracted most of the time. I would hesitate to call it paranoia, but...I think it's reaching that point. And one of the most worrying things, he refuses to go into the Nether anymore! Tango! Who spends as much time as he can in lava! He even tried to stop me from using the Nether to get here." Impulse looked back at the portal. "It's almost as if he's afraid of it."

X was awake now, sharp as a tack. "The Nether? Has he said why?"

Impulse glanced at X before returning his gaze to the portal. "No. But I have a feeling that whatever it is, it terrifies him."

"I'll have to talk to him. Do you know where he is now?" X asked, checking his inventory.

"When I left he was at the lag district, where all our farms are. Maybe he's still there." Impulse watched as X's exhaustion seemed to melt away. "Are you sure you should go now? You looked like you were going to drop a minute ago."

X stared him down. "What kind of admin would I be if I couldn't handle a bit of tiredness? Besides, the Nether's acting up and Tango may be the first break I've had in a while.

"The Nether's been acting up!? Why didn't you tell me? You know Cub and I can help!"

X sighed. "I'm sure it's nothing too serious. I didn't want to waste your guy's time."

"X! That's why we're OP's! Specifically so you can 'waste our time'. You know you can't bear the load yourself. Let at least one of us help!" Impulse pleaded.

X sighed. "Fine, I'll ask Cub." The other hermit was about to interrupt, but X stopped him. "If I brought you along, Tango may be less inclined to open up."

"Really? If you insist. But remember, if you need extra manpower, I'm here." The two men exchanged a nod, and Impulse left X to his own thoughts. However, all he could think was man, I need a nap.

~~~

Several hours later and a three am good morning :) message from Iskall (seriously, does the guy ever sleep?) saw Xisuma ready to look for Tango. He stepped through his portal and immediately, familiar warning text showed up in his helmet as he arrived in the Nether. He dismissed it. If all goes to plan, he wouldn't have to worry about that again.

Unfortunately, X was traveling through the Nether distracted.

Xisuma was slain by Ghast

...

[falsesymmetry] need help, X?

...

[falsesymmetry] X?

[unproduciblesmackdown]

You're so right about the Will Roland fanart problems. It seems like back when Will Roland was only known for Jared people were way more proWill because he could be their funny meme boi who ate bathbombs but now that he's a lead with all these emotional songs it's like God forbid he's not their "twink bby". Idk it annoys me so much especially when people draw the rest of the Broadway cast and still use WillC or do an animatic with WillRs voice and WillCs character ugh like. Accept the Roland pls

lmao we are all just out here grabbing the mic like “attention all bastards: Look, just because will roland isn’t your ideal fancast for most adorable twink of the year - “

really like, i have never come across any signs of there having been any pattern in the deh fandom of ~taking issue~ with will’s Abilities to sing or play the part of a struggling teen or whatever like what crops up re: him being the lead in bmc.....it also is unsurprising yet disappointing that like, jared and alana are so easily completely ignored, but when they Are acknowledged it’s super flattened interpretations like, either they’re both hypocritical jerks (just based on evan’s gfy accusations basically lol) or if they’re actually viewed in a positive way it’s just like, alana is your friendly local Model Student and jared is memes and neither of them are in the way! :3

you litrally cannot ignore jeremy the Whole Entire Main Character tho and also like. can’t ignore the fact that caring about jeremy as a Romantique Lead is ahhh important to many ppl in the fanbase? so him being regarded as ~less cute~ is more of an Issue b/c the character must be taken seriously and is the sympathetic hero and has a lot more solo material / more of Any material / more focus than jared does in deh.........you Have To Look At Him and care about his actual feelings and not just misinterpret the character as “has no serious emotions b/c he doesn’t say serious things in a serious tone” the way ppl misinterpret jared. there’s the assumption that someone who is good / sympathetic should also be attractive / cute / Personally Appealing To Look At and that wasn’t as much a conflict when ppl didn’t think it was important to sympathize / care about / pay attention to jared too much, and the “conflict” of caring abt jeremy’s capacity for a romantic relationship but that’s less important if he’s not as Cute also not being as much an issue when most people don’t care about jared’s romantic feelings or think that they exist despite jared being in love with evan But Anyways

like it is wild the things people will just make up to “justify” their Dislike for will, which has only manifested as apparent Issues thanks to him playing jeremy rather than jared........there’s the classic “mm idk i don’t think he can sing that well” approach which like. some people are just trying to say they do not like the inherent descriptive qualities of his voice, which is more nasal obviously and don’t anyone come in here with the “Actually the Technical definition of Nasal re Vocals is” b/c we know what i mean, alright? nasal voices are not considered ~serious~ and there’s the kneejerk dumb-annoying-loser-nerd association. god knows that jeremy heere canNot have characteristics that could be automatically judged as irritating and unappealing. then there’s the notion that He doesn’t have the (vocal) range!! which like. do you honestly think they would cast someone who doesn’t have the correct range. you’re aware that will roland was being considered for the part of jeremy in the two river run up to the last round of callbacks. you know that the song that was literally written expressly to suit will roland’s individual voice and singing abilities makes use of his falsetto which people go “omg he can’t hit those high notes” except sometimes when they misattribute his falsetto to other singers they suddenly find it worth complimenting. and then you get people who like, want to subscribe to this softened version of it and get all backhanded like “oh i think will’s vocals are improving whew that’s good” in any random video and always Only single him out apparently like. did you think he gets worse with experience? you don’t wanna talk about any of these other professional singers improving or worsening or anything? only wanna give ur assessment of william’s huh

honestly i for real haven’t seen the 1.0 version b/c i’m here via will roland in the first place & i’ve never gotten the impression that there’s some Essential Content i’m missing out on by having only seen 2.0........but between a) people complaining that will r’s jeremy is Too Frustrated He Shouldn’t Be That Angry It Makes Him Less Sympathetic and b) saying just as a point of comparison betwixt the depictions that will r’s jeremy is more frustrated and c) i haven’t read That much bmc fic but people sure talk about jeremy being like five seconds away from bursting into tears at any given moment which like, okay yeah aren’t we all, but also i presume this stems from will c’s apparently Sadder portrayal of jeremy. i almost forgot where i was going with this one but i think it’s just that yeah people truly take issue with will r’s jeremy being more frustrated and it’s like you realize there’s no Right or Wrong portrayal / interpretation even if you prefer one for whatever reasons......theatre just is Like that.......you have a slightly different portrayal during ever performance even from the same actors, and you’ll often have different actors playing the role........yeah people usually are attached to the first performance they see / have that as their Standard and that’s fine, it’s just like, you don’t have to decide that’s an Objective view and that you have Objective issues with everyone else’s take. 1.0 is still there for you

uhhhh oh yeah and the whole Clout idea lmao......people really putting themselves out there shaking their heads at the supposed fact that will was cast for the off bway run to Boost Popularity b/c he was part of the deh obc......besides the whole thing that it’s hardly likely that would’ve been considered necessary anyhow, there’s the little thing that a) again, will roland had already been very seriously considered for the part even before will connolly was decided on for the original run and b) like.....these people had been collaborating for eons and you really think will roland only popped into their minds thanks to being in deh....and c) joe iconis has repeatedly said they specifically did Not want to cast people based on who was Known enough and whose names would be good for marketing and d) maybe anyone has noticed that the marketing never involved any mention of anyone in the cast? no? cool. and yet people like so truly think they’re Wise to ~real reason~ that they’d go and cast will roland as the lead. like people are making shit up and really just thinking it’s true b/c they Want it to be true b/c they Want to be validated in having actual contempt for will’s casting despite the “issue” being that he doesn’t seem as Likeable (worthy of sympathy...cough...) thanks to his deemed-unattractive looks and sweetly-adenoidal voice and more-frustrated portrayal all seeming less cute or whatever

and i mean i haven’t seen it crop up of late but the one particular Grasping At Straws ~justification~ for will being unworthy of the part thanks to perceived acting/singing incompetence which is soooo wild is when people are like “ough i Hate when he just holds his arms out when he sings” like fmslkdj if anything that’s just an individual quirk and the fact that it was something you noticed means you just latched on to it as potential fodder for “the fact i registered this information abt someone whose existence i Resent means it distracted me which means i hate it and it’s bad”...like another thing he does with his hands while singing is when he makes the loose claws and kind of half crosses his arms in front of his chest! where are the complaints about that?? nowhere, b/c people have not really processed it as a particular thing, so they can’t deem it a Particular Thing To Criticize. people sometimes Notice that his jared talks with his hands a lot, which will says is an acting choice that came from an unconscious tendency, but people really only bring it up to juxtapose will’s jared’s dramatic tendencies and nervous habits with sky’s jared’s more outwardly still and smoothed-over behavior. aka they don’t Complain about it or deem it a weakness / bad thing. and yet people caring about bmc are really jumping on that chance to be like oh ugh there he goes again, having a characteristic i associate with him as an individual, disgusting, can’t believe will connolly was murdered for this..

it’s a bit clearer too with bmc moreso than deh that people aren’t super willing to accept how will roland Looks b/c like, thanks to will connolly’s jeremy having the long hair thing you can Tell The Difference In Which Actor Is Represented when ppl draw the character even if the rest of the features are kind of “generic” (and how even the costuming isn’t a dead giveaway since ppl will draw connolly jeremy in 2.0/3.0′s outfits) and it even serves to specify the actor in writing format too if they mention the hair lol........and honestly?? this fact is one of the most damning things lol in that people the reason so many ppl continue to produce connolly-based jeremys is Not because for whatever reason they can’t / it’s too difficult to draw a will roland lookin jeremy......like a lot of the time The trait which serves to distinguish between the two is the hair thing. people are adopting jeremy’s new costuming and stuff but choosing to make sure we know that jeremy does not Look like will roland and the clearest indicator of this is the longer hair thing......which also means that for many people the main effort they’d need to exert to make it clear they’re drawing wrol jeremy would just be to....shorten the hair. And Yet!!!! it is apparently beyond people to do this

like uh nice on making a lgw animatic but really.........really we’re gonna take the song that is specifically from the 2.0 / 3.0 runs, so it’s obvious we’re Accepting that non-1.0 content, okay......and we’re Accepting will roland’s vocals, which, a person’s voice is a physical trait of theirs too, same as The Existence Of Their Body........and yet jeremy Cannot Look Like How Will Roland Looks, that’s too far, can’t do that. we can take material from the specific versions the actor was cast in, that material being a song written specifically for this individual actor’s voice, in the form of this actor’s actual vocals......but can’t have the depicted image of jeremy be based on this actor’s appearance..............of all the......

really all that it is is that more people find will connolly more attractive than will roland and this makes them feel like will roland Is Worse and then the people who just run with that either just embrace that and are crashing around on public forums saying Lol i hate him cuz he’s ugly lmao....and then you have people who don’t wanna do that but don’t wanna actually examine why they ~take issue~ with will being cast and so they’ve gotta leap on any Other things about him that feel more acceptable / Objective like oh the portrayal is “Wrong” (that’s not how this works) or he can’t sing well enough (yeah he can) or high enough (yeah he can) or he was stunt cast (no he wasn’t) or they wanna label every characteristic / trait they can think up that Isn’t his physical appearance as Annoying And Bad like. maybe stop and ask why you find it SO pressing that this other actor has the part and it Must be objectively inferior if not ruinous for reasons you gotta invent about him being incompetent cuz it’s better to make stuff up about how a professional actor isn’t good enough for a part than to say you don’t think he’s cute enough and are bothered by that

it didn’t matter as much to people when they viewed his character as either Just A Joke or Just A Jerk or flat-out disposable material. being attractive is for serious sympathetic beloved characters, natch

unfortunately jeremy can’t be written off as The Unimportant Meme Friend With No Real Feelings so now there’s a whole problem if an actor is not as cute

like b/c of the way he looks ppl can accept that a character played by will roland can be funny or can be rude or can really not be too important to take seriously / consider complex or sympathetic or likeable beyond being a walking Running Joke, but when it comes to a sympathetic main character whose emotional state is so important it’s practically assigned a character and who’s a romantic lead? now people have a problem with him looking the way will roland does

[thewitchydorkofportals]

Art theraphy (OMOMTRTA)

(This is a story about the latest shall we date game Obey me! One master to rule them all. I don’t own the game just the Oc I made to be the MC Also if you haven’t played the game..back out the hell now.cause SPOILERS LINK TO THEM IN THE BIOOO)

Lucifer was minding his own damn business when he noticed a box. it wasnt a scam box,or the latest weeb, it was a box loaded with art supplies. he knew who it was so he picked it up bending with his knees and took it there. and when he placed it down he began texting.

Lucifer: Christina...Did you order anything?

Christna: Oh yes! I ordered some art supplies to help me with my theraphy. Did they arrive? Ill go get them.

Lucifer: No need they are at your door now. And if you tried to lift them you might hurt your back.

Christina: Thanks Lucifer! Youre the greatest!

This did make Lucifer blush. He did like it when Christina praised him. It was like when Lilith did when she was around all those eons ago. He smiled seeing her door open and her squealing excited at the box and quickly scanning her room for a box cutter. when she found one she was extra careful opening it and began inspection on each item. "Lets see..1 set of scented ink in the colors of the rainbow..check. Water colorss..check. chinese paintbrushes and brushes in a pinstripe tip with a metal case to match..check..Sketchbooks that can tolerate ink and water color..and books on the weather of Devildom...check and check...400 Grimm well spent on theraphy." Lucifer almost cringed cause Mammon and Asmo and their spending habits but,if this was for theraphy and the shopping itself wasnt theraphy he will stomach it. "May i help you with this 'Theraphy' of yours?" He asked. Chrissy made a happy gasp and nods cause the point of it was talking out your emotions while drawing them.

Lucifer sat down and saw her put the things about happily humming and looking at a prompt list on the internet. "So you do this to make you happy? When did it start?" She hesitated and went silent.. "Lucifer...Lord Diavolo has punishments in each area right? The places i cant go i mean." She asked. Lucifer nodded not knowing where she was going with it until she asked "Where do abusive fathers go? I know ive seen people like me here in phases of hell. cause you and your brothers have..fun with them or to me..curse my name being the meaning of purgetory.." she laughed making Lucifer chuckle a bit. "Okay how about as your drawing you tell me what you saw around my brothers. and ill tell you where your father might go." Whoever this dirtbag was he was gonna judge him himself. Didnt he know what a gem he had. Who does he think he is Henry the 8th?! "Welll Asmo gets alot of fan visits...and he has no respect for the thickness of the walls...or the floor..." "NEXT" Lucifer said facepalming. He knew their was gonna be a boom soon no thanks to him. No wonder poor chrissy gets creeped out by him.  "Well Beels football team will do somthing nice when i bake cookies to help fund the team. They buy all by cookies before Beel eats them all.Somthing about Dining hall being a Warzone." Lucifer realized she only comes to the house to eat and not the dining hall. Thank hells she didnt see the last food fight. "Oh but you know that Mammon got a job right?" This was a small surprise to Lucifer and looked at her. "It was only for the day..we worked at Hells kitchen for a while..I was a waitress with Belphie and Mammon was a Fry coo-" That did it...Lucifer was laughing..good thing Chrissy was the only person listening. "I-im sorry continue.." Chrissy nodded "Now um i was wondering if my dad can go there since he robbed me,,,treated me like crap...malipulated me..." she went on and on about her abuse and not know Lucifer..even though was listening and was calm..and didnt know jack about this man..wanted to end his BLOODY LIFE.

That was then and nowadays the place was quiet and the men were mopey..Mammon did steal but not that much. Even levi was lonely. That was until their phones were ringing

The house of Lamentation(7):

Chrissy: Hey guys did you miss me?

Mammon: CHRISSSSYYYYY*crying*

Levi: How is it in the human world? You are collecting mangas for me right? And the latest Kpop stuff?

chrissy: I missed you guys too and yes Levi im keeping my promise.

*Shows a picture of her library and there was her normal books and her whole collection of manga and her fairy garden full of minitures*

Satan and Levi: So...many...books.:heart:

 Chrissy: And most of them are autographed with notes from the authors and or voice actors. I can give you a tour of my house?

Everone: YES PLEASE

Thus began the video call. so in the call they saw each part of her room starting with well the house and outside.  It was an domed roofed Eco manor on 10 acres of land , featuring solar pannels,Silo for her animals food, a inground pool, a nearby lake, a circular driveway with some oddly  burned in treadmarks, and a stable. She began getting passionate about her horses and comparing some of them to the brothers. Alll of them wondered if they could they can get her to breed with one of their Hell horses..just to see what would happen. Then she showed inside where they are in her living room/kitchen area. It has leather couch,her gaming systems in a heart shaped cabinet, a flatscreen television and her bass guitar, and is open to the second story with a balcony overlooking the floor below in the living room area.The kitchen had two ways to get in from the living and dining area from the looks of it, a kitchen island, a rainbow of cake spactulas, cooking supplies and more. Beel was loving this room just as much as Levi loved the living room.There was even a Yogurt and cupcake machine!Lucifer was just happy she was following her Keto diet seeing the Keto cookbooks.then they saw Angel, her service dog, and her cat Sir snowball and her trying to calm them. They all did laugh at that and then mammon got excited seeing a beaut of a Mazda decaled with an angry unicorn in space on it. He could also tell it had carbon fiber hoods and roofing. She was MADE to race!

Chrissy: Mammon stop drooling over Winter..

Mammon: But shes beautiful!

Chrissy: And i dont want you Crashing her.

As the tour continues She showed her mermaid themed bathroom with 2 tubs 1 tub for the pets and 1 jucuzzi sized one for herself, A walk in shower raised on a platform, a freestanding hairdryer and a small electric fireplace in the corner that changed color.Asmo was getting ideas but it was cut off by a "Dont you think about it" from chrissy. Asmo pouted. All that was missing was a mini nail salon.   Then the best part for all of them..her ROOM. Where she was sleeping for sometime. It features a large loft bed, freestanding mirror, fireplace and 3 full-length windows overlooking the ground below. The walls are decorated with all of her paintings and photos of them in poses she asked them to do which made them have the Feels. Cause they realized in almost every room there were these types of paintings and photos. And they saw her walk in closet that had some clothes all off them gave her and her vlogging gear. She did claim about having guest rooms  but they were mostly storage at the moment. In the end of the tour she showed her editing room, Art room and smiled at them sadly when she said she had to go. Most of them whined but lucifer said. "Dont worry guys. she will call back at least we know her theraphy is making her feel alright." Then Lucifer was shocked when she asked "You guys will visit right?" they all nod and Chrissy hung up excited to show them around

[little-chimchim]

Don’t Let Go- Part 7 (Last)

Rating: R

Word Count: 3795

Genre: Ice skating! au, fluff, supreme fluff, angst, brother! Hyungwon, severe angst, smut

Pairing: Wonho x Reader

A/N: This was the hardest to write and you’ll soon know why. Thank you all who have supported me through this story. I love you all and I’m really sad to see it end. Though, this also means my ask box is open for new stories! Let me know what you would like to see. Thank you all once again for the support! - Kay

Performance inspiration: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S65MXD3XHvQ&t=76s

Part 6

“We have a month till internationals,” Minhyuk groaned as he played with his growing hair. You were all sitting on yours and Hyungwon’s living room couch, watching a movie and taking a rare break from the rink. You sat on Hoseok’s lap, casually, snuggled in his arms. You played with the ring on your finger, twisting it around as you always did.

You leaned back and placed a gentle kiss on your boyfriend’s temple. “It’s also a week till Hoseok’s birthday.” You smirked. You twisted back to see the expression on Hoseok’s face change, he sat up a bit straighter and seemed a little bit more alert.

“I thought we agreed not to tell anyone,” he mumbled, though you found it adorable. You merely shook your head “It’s your birthday, it only comes once a year.” You reminded him. He scrunched up his nose in defeat. “I hate my birthday, I don’t like all the attention it brings.”

“Says Mr. ‘I’m the skating world champion’” Hyungwon joked, using his fingers as air quotes. “You live in the spotlight, celebrating your birthday is no different.” Your brother added. The other two boys nodded their heads in agreement. Hoseok only rolled his eyes “Whatever,” he reached over and grabbed his phone to check the missed notifications.

You looked over his phone and saw Kihyun’s name pop up. Intrigued, you read the message along with Hoseok.

“We’re in town, we’re heading over to Hyungwon and Y/N’s apartment.” A second later, another text came up. “Where exactly is it? We don’t have the address.”

Hoseok shook his head, smiling happily at the texts from his friend. You were beyond happy, you hadn’t seen Mia in a couple of weeks, not since Nationals. In reality, it wasn’t that long but it felt like eons since you’ve talked to her.

Hoseok typed in your apartment number and slowly got off of the couch, bringing you with him. “This is pleasant” He said, putting you back down on the ground. You nodded your head and turned towards Hyungwon. “Your French girlfriend is coming soon, Wonie. You better look nice.” You teased him. Hyungwon, blank faced, grabbed a pillow from the couch and chucked it at you.

You caught it and threw it back to him. Though your brother slowly got off his phone and made his way to his room. You assumed that he was genuinely following your advice to get ready for the arrival of his skater crush.

You and Mia had found a place to get away from the boys. The two of you were in your room, sitting on the bed and catching up. “It’s good that the two of you made up. I knew the whole situation didn’t sound like Hoseok. When he loves someone, he wouldn’t think about doing anything to hurt them.”

You nodded your head, thinking back to Nationals. “Yeah, I couldn’t be happier with the outcome though.” You looked up to Mia, whose short blonde hair fell into her eyes messily. “Hoseok’s birthday is coming up.” You told her. Her eyes perked up at the reminder. “Are you going to do anything for it? What about a surprise party?” You hadn’t ever seen the small girl so excited before. Her excitement, in turn, made you even more eager. You shrugged your shoulders, you did like the idea of a surprise party.

“He doesn’t like celebrating his birthday,” You grumbled.

“So? He’d love a surprise party nonetheless. Especially if you were the one who planned it.” She grinned. You smiled and nodded your head. “We’ll do it, only if you help with the planning though.”

She nodded her head quickly and enthusiastically. “I would love to! We could get everyone in on it and it will be amazing!” She cheered. She grabbed your hands, but let go when she felt the ring press into her palm.

“What’s this?” She took your hand back and examined the ring. “It’s a promise ring. Hoseok gave it to me the night after Nationals.” You said softly.

“I wish I had someone who loved me as much as Hoseok loves you, Y/N.” Mia sighed, looking at the small ring on your left hand.

You grinned to yourself, lying back on the bed. “You know, I know someone who would love to take you out sometime.” Mia’s eyes lit up, the same excitedness from before coming back to her.

“Who? Is it Minhyuk? Or Hyunwoo?” You shook your head and held up your finger “You’re very close” Mia thought about it for a moment, then a soft smile came to her face. “Hyungwon?”

“He doesn’t have the courage to say it but it’s very obvious. So… if you’re interested, you’re going to have to ask him yourself.” Mia laughed but continued to smile, a hint of red encompassed her cheeks.

“Thank you Y/N.”

You nodded and hugged your friend. Should we get back to the boys before they burn my apartment down?” You asked. She nodded and got off the bed. “When should I do it?” She questioned.

You didn’t actually think she’d be up for going out with Hyungwon. You were happy to know that your brother might actually get a chance at love. “Tonight.” You said. Mia grinned and opened your door. “I’m on it.”

Days went by quickly. Between practices and party prep, you had barely found a moment to breath. Not until a days before the party did you have time to finally rest. You had all of the party prep done and you and Hoseok were done with practicing for the day. Like most nights, the two of you were lying down in bed, cuddled up next to each other and enjoying the moments the two of you finally had to be alone.

Hoseok was scrolling through his phone, looking at pictures on social media. You looked at them with him. He would always stop and watch the videos with the animals. He would  smile and tear up at the especially cute ones. You found his reactions to be even more adorable than the animals themselves.

After a while, he reached a video of a baby playing with a small puppy. The baby kept on kissing the puppy and lying down on the dog’s back. You had to admit that it was one of the most adorable things you had ever seen.

“Do you want children?” He asked abruptly. You were caught off-guard by the question, but you weren’t entirely surprised that it came up. You thought for a second before responding. “Well, of course. I wouldn’t want any children right now, I’m just now getting into the professional skating career. But once I retire, I would love to have children.”

Hoseok squeezed you a little tighter. “I want children so badly.” He told you. He leaned down and kissed the crown of your head. “Our children are going to be the cutest babies alive. With your looks and my charm, they will be unstoppable.” He beamed happily. You chuckled “Well, our children will never go without feeling unloved.” Hoseok nodded in agreement.

“Our children will be surrounded by love. Especially since they will see that their parents are so incredibly in love and that they adore their children so much more.” He whispered.

You leaned back on him, envisioning tiny little Hoseok’s running around your house. “Do you think we’ll be good parents?” you asked him. “We’ll be the best parents in the world. Though, we have to actually get married before we start seriously considering children.” You forgot that you were still technically just dating Hoseok. You sighed, still thinking about your future children.

“My birthday is tomorrow.” He paused, letting the room get quiet before he continued. “There’s one present I want.” You hummed, waiting for him to tell you what he wanted. “I want to get married.”

You turned back to him, getting out of his grasp and facing him on the bed. “What?” You had to make sure you heard him correctly. “I want to get married. I know we haven’t been dating for very long, but if we truly love each other, it shouldn’t matter.”

You thought about it. He really had a point. If he loved you and you loved him, why should the length of how long you were dating matter. If you were already planning on spending your lives together, this wasn’t totally crazy.

You nodded your head, now smiling profusely. “Tomorrow?”

“Yes. We can go to city hall tomorrow and have a private wedding. In a few months we can plan a bigger one but I can’t wait any longer to call you my wife.”

You were on the verge of tears. You flung yourself at him and threw your arms around his neck. “We’re getting married tomorrow” you whispered. He hugged you back and soaked in everything that had just happened. You pulled back and looked him in the eyes “Just as long as we do it before later tomorrow.” You told him.

He cocked his eyebrow in confusion. “Why later?” He asked. You shook your head and laid down next to him. “No reason. Goodnight my love.” You smirked.

He smiled and leaned down to placed a kiss on your lips. “Goodnight Mrs. Shin.”

Minhyuk had taken Hoseok to a hockey game in the city for the day. It was Minhyuks gift to Hoseok and a way to get him out of the house while the rest of you prepared for the party.

You had told Mia about your wedding plans. Now would help you get ready and in the middle of the party, you and Hoseok would sneak off to city hall. And when you came back, a small reception would be ready for the two of you.

It was a last minute plan that would work way too perfectly. You were anxiously cleaning the house, hoping to make everything perfect before Hoseok and Minhyuk arrived. Mia took the dusting feather out of your hands and handed it to Kihyun. “We can handle the rest. A bride shouldn't work on her wedding day.” She grinned.

Hyungwon walked over and hugged Mia from behind. He rested his head on top of hers. She held on to his arms and continued to talk to you.

“I can't believe I'm giving my baby sister away today. Too bad dad can't be here to do it.” Hyungwon sighed.

You nodded. Your father had passed away a few years prior. He had been fighting kidney cancer for over a year before he passed. Your mother had continued to operate the skating rink she and your father had opened before you and Hyungwon were born.

You were thankful to have Hyungwon and you were even more happy to have him be the one to give you away.

He bent down and kissed Mia on the cheek before leaving to finish getting the apartment ready for the party.

After a couple of hours, the guests started arriving. Most of them were skaters from around the country. All of which had befriended Hoseok through the years. You had greeted each one alongside Hyungwon. Thanking them for coming. While you were in the middle of talking to a friend of Hoseok’s, Hyungwon got a call on his cell.

“This is he,” he said clearly into the phone. You turned towards Hyungwon. You didn't start a conversation with someone you knew with that greeting. Your brother went quiet, his face blank with shock. “Thank you,” He said, his lip quivered as he said it. He removed the phone from his ear and clicked the off button. He turned to you and pulled you towards his room.

“Hyungwon, what's happening?” You asked, scared by his strange behavior. He took a deep breath and held on to your shoulders. “Minhyuk and Hoseok got into a car accident.” Your heart dropped the second he spoke those words.

“W-what? Are they hurt? What's wrong with them?” Your thoughts ran a mile a minute and you couldn't ease them. Hyungwon brought you into a hug to try to calm you down. “They're both in critical condition. Get in the car, I'll let Mia and Kihyun know. We'll go to the hospital.” He whispered. You nodded your head and wiped your eyes from your tears.

You walked out of his room and towards the front door. You couldn't grasp any of this, not quite yet. So you quickly left the house and went towards your car to wait for Hyungwon.

You waited, scared and unable to think straight. The doctors and nurses poured to and from Hoseok and Minhyuks rooms. For over an hour you waited for news. You held Hyungwons hand and silently cried, praying for them to be okay.

Finally and nurse came out for the two of you. You couldn't tell what her news was going to be based on her facial expression. She took a heavy breath before talking.

“Mr. Lee is is stable and awake. He's going to be okay, but with the extent of his injuries, there is a very high chance of paralysis. His spine was severely damaged. We're waiting for our neurosurgeon to give the final call.”

“And Hoseok?” you piped up weekly.

The nurse shook her head “We've tried everything we could. He's awake but his injuries were so extreme that he only has a matter of moments before his organs start to shut down. We can bring you in to see him if you'd like.”

This was the worst pain you've ever felt. Everything crashed down around you. You missed numbly and stood up. The nurse took your hand and led you to Hoseoks room.

His eyes were hardly open, he was hooked up to large machines. His heart monitor ticked slowly. You could hear his labored, heavy breathing. You ran to his side and bent over him, tears rushing down your cheeks.

Hoseoks eyes opened wider. “Don't cry my love” he coughed out, his voice raspy and feeble. You sobbed even harder. “I can't do that Hoseok,” you cried. Hoseok raised his hand slowly and painfully he wiped your tears away. “I want us to say our wedding vows now.” He whispered to you. Your breath caught in your throat but you nodded your head. You cleared your throat and grabbed his hand.

“Shin Hoseok. You are the love of my life. You are my soulmate. My second half. My partner in life. I love you so much it hurts me. You have made this short time we’ve had together so meaningful and special. You’re the light that clears up my cloudy days. I have never been more sure about something; about our love and our future. And I…” You stopped, the words falling short in your throat. You hiccuped and wiped your tears again. “And I can’t spend the rest of my life with you.”

You looked to him, watching as a single tear ran down his face. He gripped your handly weakly, but the best he could. “Chae Y/N. You started out in my life a small crush I had on my best friend’s little sister. Then, years went by and now you’re my better half. I have never met someone that I have loved more than I love you. You take any doubts I have for this horrible world and you give me hope that everything is going to be perfect. I am so unbelievably lucky that I get to spend the rest of my life with such a perfect woman. I love you so much.”

You leaned in and kissed his lips, tears still running rapidly down your cheeks. As you kissed him, you heard the long, horrible sound of the heart monitor going off. You pulled away from him, knowing that his time here was over with. “No! Please, Hoseok! Please don’t let go!” You pleaded, hooking yourself to his lifeless body. Nurses and doctors ran in to stop the monitor. The same nurse from earlier gently placed her hands on your back and led you out of Hoseok’s room.

You fell to the ground, your knees unable to support the weight of your body any longer. Hyungwon ran over to you and picked you up. He carried you like a child and he held you like one until you stopped crying. The two of you were in the hospital waiting room, everything went silent the second your tears had stopped.

“This is real, isn’t it?” You asked Hyungwon, your head still in his chest. He nodded, not able to say anything. “Minhyuk is paralyzed and Hoseok is gone.” It became painfully clear to you exactly what happened. Minhyuk had told the two of you that the car that had crashed into theirs was a drunk driver. He wasn’t paying attention to the road and turned to collide with Minhyuk and Hoseok’s car. The drunk man didn’t make it through the crash either. His wife and children were in the waiting room with you and Hyungwon, crying their own eyes out.

You slowly got off of your brother’s lap and stretched your tired body. Your eyes stung from crying and your head hurt from dehydration. You felt entirely numb both mentally and physically. “We need rest, Hyungwon.” You muttered to him. He nodded his head and took your hand. His face was stained from his own tears.

No matter how alone the two of you felt right now. You needed each other more than anything.

“We’re introducing Chae Hyungwon and Y/N. Here to produce their final routine for the night.” The announcer called from the intercomm.

“Chae Hyungwon was originally Y/N’s partner at the start of the season until he broke his arm at the start. The late Shin Hoseok took his place, isn’t that right Sarah?”

Sarah nodded “Y/Ns partner and fiancee, the renowned Shin Hoseok passed away several weeks ago in a tragic car accident. Hyungwon volunteered to be Y/N’s partner again for this competition. I heard that the two of them used extensive training to cope with their grief.” Sarah said sadly.

“It’s a great shame as to what happened. We lost a legendary skater. Other renowned skater, Lee Minhyuk, was permanently paralysed from the waist down in the same accident.” Steven added.

Sarah hummed in response “A tragic few weeks in the skating world that’s for sure. Let’s welcome our two top skaters in this competition.”

You and Hyungwon got into positions. The both of you had heard loud and clear what the announcers had said. It was true. The two of you both used skating as a way to distract you from your overwhelming grief. It took a lot of work to get Hyungwon to the point where he could perform this piece. Every single practice you and Hoseok had had, he had been there, observing and watching.

He picked up quickly, but just hoped that it would be good enough. You wanted to do this for Hoseok. That was your final gift to him. “We can do this,” he whispered to you. You nodded your head, getting into place. “I know. This is for Hoseok.”

“For Hoseok.”

And so, the music began and the two of you poured your heart out for Hoseok and Minhyuk. Knowing that that’s the least you could do for two amazing skaters.

It was no surprised that the two of you won, though, the victory only felt bittersweet. You didn’t feel completely overjoyed, not the way you would have if Hoseok was by your side. You was so thankful for your brother, but he wasn’t your fiancee.

The medal you wore on your neck felt heavy and it burned your skin, like you didn’t deserve to wear it. The gold medalists of all the categories stood on the ice. You, Hoseok, and Hyunwoo stood next to each other. Bowing and smiling. Waving to your fans and waiting for it all to be over.

Hyunwoo leaned down to your ear “Hoseok would have been so proud of you.” He whispered sadly. You nodded your head, still smiling fakely and waving to the audience. “I know he would have. He would have been proud of you as well. I know Minny is.” You said back.

Hyunwoo nodded, depressed that he couldn’t share the ice with his best friend ever again. The three of you stood there, waving and seemingly happy, but you were all broken on the inside. Stricken with grief, but you stood there. Just for them.

You felt the beams of the mid spring shine on your face, creating a comforting warmth that you hadn’t felt in months. You wore the golden medal around your neck, the metal sparkling in the sun. You walked along the empty cemetery path, welcomed by the eeriness of the many loved ones. You continued along the path, counting your footsteps carefully to retrace your way back to the one grave you came to find. After a few moments of tireless walking, you reached the large slab of stone that reached for the sun gracefully.

You had avoided this exact area for weeks, too solemn to think about seeing where he laid. The gravestone had his name inscribed boldly on the rock, a reminder to anyone who saw it about who he was. You ran your fingers across the letters, taking a deep breath as you read his full name. You weren’t going to cry today, you promised yourself just that. You pulled the heavy metal off your neck and hooked it upon a groove on the tall memorial. You smiled to yourself, watching the medal wave in the wind, knowing that he too was smiling down upon it.

“I miss you” you began, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill. No crying.  You reminded yourself, but even that made you feel more of an urge to cry. You lowered yourself to your knees, gripping onto the cold soil just in front of the grave.

You can give in. You could hear his voice echo through your head, and as the words floated through your mind, you eventually listened to them. Tears spilled out of your eyes, slowly at first then all at once. As you sat there, crying, you thought of his last promise.

“You let go” you whispered. “You let go, but I still love you.”  

[onimiman]

Retrospective: The Eon Productions James Bond Movies (1962-2015)

alAs of this post, I have completed my viewing of all 24 of Eon Productions’ James Bond movies, which, as the title of this post points out, started in 1962 and has had its most recent film in 2015. Granted, I should point out that this hasn’t exactly been an active process of mine; in fact, I haven’t rewatched any of the Daniel Craig movies for this, but those entries are fairly fresh in my mind nevertheless. As well, there are other entries in this franchise that I haven’t seen in years, and I’ll point those out as I get to them in this retrospective. One may argue that, perhaps, my opinions of those movies could have changed, but regardless, I’m confident that I’d probably still feel about them now as I did not that long ago. I should also point out that I won’t rank any of them in any particular order; I just want to talk about them in the order that these films were released and there will be no major spoilers as I go through this list. So, without further ado, let’s begin with:

1. Dr. No (1962): The very first James Bond movie is a very quaint, simple film that, by today’s standards, would be rather dull for today’s audiences who live in an era of OTT action scenes in films presented by the likes of Marvel and other giant media conglomerations. That isn’t to criticize such films for things like that (or at least not most films like that), but that’s beside the point. I saw this movie back in 2015 as a sort of preparation for my viewing of that year’s Spectre, the last film I’ll get to on that list, and I thought that Dr. No  was serviceable but nothing particularly memorable in terms of story. Sean Connery as James Bond is very much a man’s man who, while having some sensibilities that wouldn’t be very agreeable to modern audiences today, is still surprisingly charming for someone who’s so aloof when he’s not on a job. In terms of plot, it’s really more of a mystery that we, the audience, watch and learn alongside Bond, and, again, while lacking any memorable action scenes, it’s a decent enough flick, but not one I’d rush to rewatch.

2. From Russia with Love (1963): I saw this movie almost immediately after I watched Dr. No, also in preparation for Spectre, and I can say that it’s certainly a lot more of a memorable film than Dr. No, especially when it comes to its boat chase toward the end. The plot is also a lot more interesting than that of Dr. No, as it very much touches upon the Cold War intrigue that was present during this time period. It was also interesting to see how Bond would work with a Russian agent, even if it would have a very predictable dynamic (what with that agent being an attractive female, a type of person that Bond would be well-known for bedding). If you’re looking for a simple film with more of an action-packed tone, I’d say this would do it.

3. Goldfinger (1964): This was the Bond movie I started out this quest for, and I was sadly disappointed with this one, as this is widely considered by many film critics to be one of the best, if not the best, Bond movie to date, and it certainly has some iconic moments, such as the exchange between Bond and Goldfinger respectively: “You expect me to talk, Goldfinger?” “No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.” and “My name is Pussy Galore.” Bond: “I must be dreaming.” As well, this is the first Bond movie to feature the stylistic intro credits that would follow the rest of the Bond films afterward. But unfortunately, the reason that I was disappointed with this one was because, as Cinema Sins pointed out in their video for this movie, for a secret agent, Bond doesn’t really have much agency in this film; for much of this movie, he’s really more of a “decent prisoner of war” to quote Cinema Sins. For anyone who’s seen this movie, you’ll know what I mean; for much of the film, Bond is really the titular antagonist’s prisoner who’s just trying to do what he can to subvert the captivity, which isn’t nearly as interesting as I’m making it sound. Also, one can easily point out the plot holes when one watches it; again, no spoilers, but when it comes to a scene involving several gangsters, one wonders why Goldfinger doesn’t just kill them off to begin with. I shouldn’t say I regretted watching it; again, Connery still holds up as aloof yet cool Bond, even if this is probably one of the more disgusting moments in 007′s career when it comes to seducing Pussy Galore. I would only recommend watching this one just to see what all the fuss is about, what with critics praising this movie out the wazooh, but other than that, I don’t find it bothersome to say you can skip this one.

4. Thunderball (1965): A better entry than Goldfinger, imo, but still one that I couldn’t particularly enjoy, and I can tell you why: this movie’s underwater scenes. Whenever this movie had scenes that went underwater, I groaned inside; imo, this was not a good time in cinematic history to shoot scenes underwater, especially if you’re shooting action sequences here where, even when there are two small armies of people that are even in distinct uniforms, it’s very confusing to follow. Otherwise, I feel like this was a solid entry in the Bond franchise, and I appreciated the SPECTRE intrigue had returned to provide a more solid foundation of providing villains to hatch schemes for Bond to counteract and foil. It’s not as enjoyable as From Russia with Love, but I still say, you could give this a watch.

5. You Only Live Twice (1967): A suitable entry in the franchise that is heightened further by the revelation of the head of SPECTRE, which is Ernst Stavro Blofeld. However, I felt that Donald Pleasance’s portrayal of Blofeld, as brief as it was, was surprisingly dull, especially for a villain that is as iconic as this character. Other than that, this film is stronger than all four movies for its inclusion of martial arts, courtesy of the Japanese in this film, which lends a lot more impact to the action scenes. In terms of plot, this film is certainly the most outlandish at that point in the franchise, with Blofeld really going for the fences this time when he gets outer space involved. The story is still enjoyable, even if it has flaws like killing off a Bond girl and then immediately replacing her with a different woman with no real effect in the plot or in Bond’s character; that certainly was a head-scratcher. I recommend this entry to be watched.

6. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969): If you hate the Woman in the Fridge trope, you’ll lose your shit over this one within the span of seconds before the film’s end credits roll. But, if you’re willing to look past that, or at least prepare yourself for it, you might find yourself at probably the most enjoyable entry in 60s era of James Bond (unless you think otherwise with Goldfinger). Of all six movies from this decade, this would probably be the one to satisfy modern audiences the most with its OTT action scenes, particularly whenever Bond is skiing down a snowy mountain while being chased by Blofeld’s bad guys. And speaking of Bond and Blofeld, this entry marks the only time that George Lazenby played Bond, and at first, I liked him, but upon further reflection, he’s admittedly quite wooden and dull to watch compared to Connery; hell, Lazenby is more entertaining to watch whenever he’s playing the meek genealogist that Bond is posing as. In contrast, however, Telly Savalas delivers a much more entertaining depiction of Blofeld than Donald Pleasance, with a dry wit that still conveys a sense of menace and over-the-topness, for lack of a better term, as a villain. The plot is typical Bond at this point, but with its extended running time running at nearly 2 and a half hours, it certainly gets some much needed fleshing-out, especially when it comes to its action scenes. I whole-heartedly recommend this one, just watch out for the Fridging at the end.

7. Diamonds Are Forever (1971): For Connery’s last official appearance as Bond (and that’s not counting his last actual appearance as Bond in 1983′s Never Say Never Again, which I haven’t watched for this retrospective since that isn’t an official Eon Productions Bond movie), it appears, on the surface, to be an enjoyable and typical Bond movie, yet, for some reason, it did feel a little dull and kind of a disappointment as a sendoff for Ernst Stavro Blofeld, who, in this movie, is played by Charles Gray. Gray is easily the most forgettable Blofeld of all three of the 60s/70s Blofelds, and the schemes he has in this movie, which involves impersonating a rich eccentric mogul, pales in comparison to his previous two plots (and that’s not counting where he’s just a background villain like in From Russia with Love or Thunderball). Easily the best part of this movie is the pre-title sequence where Bond is being more brutal than usual in his quest to find Blofeld, and I appreciated that, even though the events of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is never outright mentioned, the events of that movie still carried through and deeply affected Bond to the point that he is this vengeful character. Unfortunately, after the opening credits rolled, Bond is back to his usual Connery self, and I found it to be less interesting to watch for the rest of the movie; it also makes me wonder why he doesn’t revert to the mode he had in the pre-title sequence when he finds out that Blofeld is alive. Still, I’d recommend watching this movie if only for the Blofeld wrap-up, even if it wasn’t as enjoyable as it could have been.

8. Live and Let Die (1973): Roger Moore’s debut as 007 is a dull one when looked at on paper, with a plot that is fairly lackluster compared to the SPECTRE/Blofeld plots of the 60s and in a dull, forgettable villain in Yaphet Kotto’s Mr. Big (and, yes, it’s the guy who played Parker in Alien for all you sci-fi fans out there). However, in terms of execution, it’s honestly one of the funniest movies I’ve ever seen; if you want a laugh, just look at how Mr. Big dies at the end. I wouldn’t recommend this movie in full, but if you want, go onto YouTube and watch how Mr. Big dies at the end and this film’s extended boat chase; it’s one of the most OTT things ever, and it was these moments that made me grin in between the moments of boredom this movie did provide. And as for Moore, he certainly has a rather dry and honestly, well, I hate to be repetitive but, dull performance as a stereotypical British gentleman that is in stark contrast to the roguish man’s man that Connery was. Still, I didn’t hate watching him, as he does have his moments in this movie and the movies that follow. 

9. The Man with the Golden Gun (1974): Easily, Christopher Lee as the titular man with the golden gun is the best thing in this movie; honestly, I kinda wished he played James Bond instead of Roger Moore, as Lee has a lot of charisma and personality in his performance. Even when he’s playing a bad guy that’s now a dark wizard or a Sith Lord, he seems like the kind of guy I wouldn’t mind spending half an hour at a pub with. Aside from that, this movie was just boring, the story was forgettable, and there isn’t much else I can say about this one. Needless to say, you can skip this one, and just find a compilation of all the scenes that Christopher Lee is in.

10. The Spy Who Loved Me (1977): I skipped this one for the retrospective, as I’d already seen it a few years ago, and I still have as decent of a memory for this one as I do for most of the other films on this list, and I can say this: this is probably Roger Moore’s best entry in the Bond franchise, which is something that I can agree on with the critics, but at the same time, this is probably Moore at his grossest, as his sexist claims about women are probably the most eye-rolling I’ve seen in this entire franchise. It’s actually more interesting to watch this movie as a reflection of mainstream beliefs about feminism at this decade. The story is a lot more interesting than the previous two entries, though, and with some decent, 70s action scenes to boot. The henchman Jaws is easily the most memorable Bond henchman I’ve seen in a long time, which is saying something since I don’t even remember the name of this film’s main villain! Other than that, if you can’t handle how misogynist this movie in particular gets, skip it; otherwise; you might have a fun, if disposable, time.

11. Moonraker (1979): Of all the James Bond movies in this entire franchise, this one is easily the most ridiculous, yet I’d be lying if I didn’t think this was fun because of its ridiculousness. I said before that, in You Only Live Twice, Blofeld had a plan that involved space, but that was actually subtle compared to the plot of this film’s main villain. The biggest weakness, however, is that it follows way too many beats from The Spy Who Loved Me, but I’ll admit, it’s not as cringey as that film’s misogyny. I’d say give this a watch because of this movie’s ridiculousness, and it has one of my favorite closing lines in this series: in response to someone asking what is Bond doing as a whole bunch of people are watching on a monitor him have zero-gee sex with the leading Bond girl of the flick, the character of Q says, “I think he’s attempting reentry, sir.” LOL.

12. For Your Eyes Only (1981): Now that we’re into the 80s, this Bond film decides to ground itself back to a more realistic, if more forgettable, plot. I’ll admit, the film’s action scenes make up for the story that I can’t even remember what happened, and I do appreciate the nod to On Her Majesty’s Secret Service in the film’s pre-title sequence; hell, I thought that was the best part of the whole film, with Blofeld even coming back (even if he’s not referred to by name in this movie, as there had been legal issues about Blofeld and SPECTRE being in Bond movies at this time). However, I thought that Blofeld still deserved a better sendoff than that (but it was still better than Diamonds Are Forever). Not much else to say about this one except that, now, Moore is starting to show his age, and I think this could have been an appropriate movie for him to end his stint as Bond on; you can watch it, but it’ll be forgettable.

13. Octopussy (1983): If you think I’m joking about this movie’s title, just confirm it for yourself: you have the Internet, after all. Also, you can confirm for yourself that this is the entry where James Bond dresses up as a literal fucking clown to try to save people from a bond exploding; I can tell ya, Roger Moore’s audition for Pennywise the Dancing Clown was terrible, and it came at a time before Stephen King’s It was even released (although King was in the process of writing the book at the time, so...). Oh, and this was also the movie where, early on, Bond swings on some vines like Shia LaBeouf in Indiana Jones 4 and yells like Tarzan to boot. Again, if you think I’m making any of this up, just look it up; you won’t be disappointed. But aside from these OTT things - the name of the leading titular Bond girl (or how she got that name to begin with), Bond swinging like Tarzan/Shia and dressing up as a clown - this movie was pretty dull, and it shows that Moore is running out of steam as Bond.

14. A View to a Kill (1985): How the fuck do you get Christopher Walken as the main bad guy of your film and still turn in a movie that’s even duller than the last one? I mean, granted, Octopussy had some silly shit in it, but still, I wish that, for his final tenure as Bond, Roger Moore could have done something genuinely memorable and grand as Bond. But instead, as he neared his 60s at this point, it was clear that the filmmakers were fucking idiots to think that they could have a man this old continue to be part of action scenes that he had no business in being part of. And the story and plot? Snooze. Honestly, I got more entertainment from this movie just by singing the Full House theme song whenever it showed the Golden Gate Bridge in this movie. The only decent action scene I liked from this was one that involved a fire and an elevator, but beyond that, (makes a fart noise). Just watch For Your Eyes Only and pretend that’s Moore’s last movie as Bond (or Octopussy if you want a few laughs).

15. The Living Daylights (1987): Now this was the invigoration that James Bond needed, and Timothy Dalton was just the guy to do it. And I can honestly say, with this and the following entry, Timothy Dalton is my favorite James Bond; he manages to get a balance between Moore’s suave sophistication (but without the perpetual, and increasing, dullness that was still in Moore’s performances) and the dark brooding tones that Daniel Craig would bring to the franchise nearly twenty years later. With an action-packed story and plot to aid Dalton’s performance, this Bond movie was a clear sign that 007 was finally entering the modern age of action movies, with more dynamic and exciting action scenes that had been scene before, even if the plots were still nevertheless stock in terms of subject matter, with this being a Cold War-related plot. This entry I recommend very much.

16. License to Kill (1989): This may very well contend itself to be my favorite James Bond movie ever, and it was this entry that cemented Dalton as my favorite Bond to boot. The darkness in Dalton’s performance is turned up to an 11 with appropriate results that match the story and plot, and it was definitely fresh in terms of execution and action scenes. The villain in this? I kinda wish Franz Sanchez was more of a recurring villain in Bond’s life than Blofeld was. If I had any negatives, it’s that the lead Bond girl of this could not act to save her life; anytime she opened her mouth, I cringed and thought, “Oh, honey, no; you need to go back to acting school right away.” Still, in spite of that flaw, this entry I recommend highly.

17. GoldenEye (1995): I saw this about a year or two ago, and boyhowdie is this a solid action flick, and a better invigoration to the Bond franchise than even The Living Daylights. Pierce Brosnan, in his debut as Bond here, may be my second favorite Bond, as he has a charisma that Moore was trying to go for but ultimately lacked, but he is hampered by the fact that he wasn’t nearly as dark as Dalton. The plot is very standard Bond, but with its action scenes and with a personal stake that’s rivaled by License to Kill, GoldenEye ends up being a very fun movie with some memorable villains, namely in Xenia Onatopp, played by Famke Janssen (Jean Grey from the X-Men movies), who plays a character I would have written in my fanfics: a psychotic sadomasochist who gets her sexual thrills by crushing men’s chests with her strong leg and killing people in general. Just for this character alone, I would have recommended this movie, but the rest of the film is strong enough that even one who hasn’t seen any of the previous Bond films could easily enjoy this one, too. 

18. Tomorrow Never Dies (1997): I had seen this one as a child, but I didn’t have a good memory of it; so I decided to rewatch it a few nights ago, and I can say that it’s not nearly as interesting or entertaining as GoldenEye, but it’s still fun to watch nevertheless. Brosnan is still decent as Bond, and Jonathan Pryce delivers a performance that would have turned a forgettable villain like Elliott Carver into something a little bit more interesting to watch. Michelle Yeoh is also a serviceable Bond girl and gets extra points for actually being a competent-enough hero in her own right (I say competent enough because there are times when she does need Bond to save her ass in this). It’s good for about one or two watches, but no more.

19. The World is Not Enough (1999): This one, like the previous two Bond films, had some decent action set pieces, but unlike GoldenEye or even Tomorrow Never Dies, they didn’t feel as well-executed as in those films. Brosnan is starting to be a little dull as 007 at this point, and Denise Richards as Bond girl Christmas Jones was just flat and unconvincing. The villains of the film sounded interesting in theory, but I think more could have been done with them in execution, especially when you have Robert Carlyle, the guy who played the psychotic and memorable Begbie in Trainspotting just three years before, playing one of those villains. As it was, I thought Carlyle was only mildly menacing when I honestly think he could have delivered a hell of a performance had he been given better direction. I would say you can skip this one.

20. Die Another Day (2002): In short, just watch Film Brain’s review of this movie on YouTube; he’ll give you an indepth look at why this film is shlocky garbage. However, in spite of being shlocky garbage, I still felt more entertained than I did with The World is Not Enough, and at least Brosnan, though dulled out as Bond at this point, gave a more interesting film to go out on than Roger Moore did. And at least it was the Brosnan Bond film that I paid the most attention to as a kid, so that’s something. I don’t wanna say anymore about this movie other than that you can skip it and it’s good that the franchise rebooted after this entry, but I do wish John Cleese returned as Q afterward.

21. Casino Royale (2006): I didn’t much care for this movie when I first saw it as a kid, but upon rewatching it in 2014 in preparation for Spectre, I found that there was a lot to appreciate from this movie. Although the movie has a rather unconventional story for a Bond movie, it was still intriguing, and its action scenes are some of the best I’ve seen since GoldenEye (especially since this and GoldenEye were both directed by Martin Campbell). I like Daniel Craig enough as Bond, but I do definitely have a problem with him as 007: he has none of the personality that any of his predecessors did, not even boring-ass Roger Moore, because even Moore had times where he could be cheeky. I know this movie was supposed to be a dark, gritty take on Bond, but I do wish that Craig could deliver a little bit more personality and memorability in his performance. Still, I’d be lying if I myself wasn’t drawn to his steely edge as a character, and it’s that element that saves him from being worse than Moore; it’s especially helpful when he’s getting tortured by his testicles by Mads Mikkelsen (yes, Galen Erso himself) as the memorable, if not entirely intimidating, Le Chiffre in one scene that is legitimately haunting, and is easily the best part of the whole film by far. Give this a watch: it’s worth your time.

22. Quantum of Solace (2008): I had also watched this movie in preparation for Spectre, and I can say that this was Daniel Craig’s weakest entry as Bond by far. The plot and story go almost as OTT as Die Another Day and it’s baffling to see that after seeing such a gritty, realistic take on James Bond with Casino Royale. It’s bizarre that these two movies exist in the same continuity when you compare their action sequences, and it definitely shows its weaknesses that were the result of the mid-2000s writers’ strike that had occurred at this time. I understand that the studio and filmmakers had to get this film out on time if they wanted to hold onto the film rights for 007, and I guess I could understand that this was the best they could do with what little time they had, but still, I can’t exactly excuse something that I could compare to Die Another Day. I have some reluctance to say skip it because it’s not entirely irredeemable; as OTT as the action scenes can be, there are some I do like, and Craig does the best he can with the relatively limited material he has, so I think it’s worth watching this movie if only for that.

23. Skyfall (2012): This was the first Bond film I saw in the theater, and I had seen this one more than any other Bond film to date, as this was on TV multiple times in 2013, and with one exception that pertained to school matters, I had no problem rewatching this movie. If there were any contenders for my favorite Bond film to compete with against License to Kill or GoldenEye, it would be this movie, and this was a film I didn’t much care for when I saw it in the theater. However, the more I watched it, the more I enjoyed it; to me, this was probably the best structured Bond film I’ve seen in terms of plot, character development, and story. Daniel Craig really shines as a dark brooding Bond that manages to get some quips in here and there, the action scenes are really nice, Javier Bardem as Raoul Silva is a fun mix of Heath Ledger’s Joker and his Anton Chigurh in this movie, and Judi Dench delivers a satisfying sendoff performance as M. it also fascinates me that, in a way, the villain wins by the end of this movie, and it was something that I had to roll around in my head for a bit before I came to terms with how surprisingly smart it was. This is one I definitely recommend, and as a solo Bond film (and as a movie in general), you could watch this all by itself and be plenty satisfied.

24. Spectre (2015): So what do I think of this entry? I don’t hate it like many others who loved Skyfall did, but I do think that this movie had the weakest action scenes out of all of Craig’s Bond films, but I never rewatched this since the theater, which was only once. And in terms of story, I was definitely reminded of Austin Powers in Goldmember, which is something I shouldn’t think of considering that the Austin Powers movies are parodies of the James Bond franchise. Still, I did enjoy various elements of this movie, such as Dave Bautista’s henchman character, Christoph Waltz was fun for playing his version of Blofeld in this film, and I do like how the supporting characters from Skyfall got in on the action in this one. Still, I wouldn’t want this entry to be Daniel Craig’s final entry in the franchise, and thankfully, it isn’t, given that there’s a new one coming out in 2019. Hopefully, if that’s to be Craig’s final role as Bond, let’s hope he can make it more satisfying than this. Still, do I recommend Spectre? It’s a decent enough action flick, but as a followup to Skyfall, I think the filmmakers could have done better; nevertheless, I do recommend it for one watch, and afterwards, you’ll have no problem forgetting it but have no regrets watching it.         

@blue-mint-winter

[monoshah]

5 concepts that can soothe our anxious minds

An unfortunate truth that modern science tells us is- despite our ability of being able to change our cognition, it takes a long time for that change to come in effect. For example- if you’ve been anxious since childhood, a regular meditation practice can and will change your brain, however, for that change to be reflected in behavior, it will take a much longer time.

To some extent, that makes sense. How can years of anxiety (formed by genetics and/or environmental factors) be immediately replaced by serenity through just a couple of years of meditation?

For physiology to reflect on behavior, it takes time and constant practice. Andy Puddicombe, buddhist monk and founder of the meditation app Headspace insists on something in his guided meditations- that, to incorporate mindfulness in our everyday lives, above everything, one needs deliberate practice of labeling distractions, and of course- of meditation.

When things don’t go as planned, its much easier for our brains to fall back on past patterns- its just lesser work. So, if you realize you forgot your wallet in the club, of course you’re going to feel anxious if you’ve been anxious most your life. So,that moment between stimulus (realizing you forgot your wallet) and reaction (panic), your initial reaction, unfortunately, will be guided by your past behavior.

That said, there are concepts we can use to soothe our initial reactions. We can, in a very real sense, use traditional and modern practices to attain serenity.

Note- This post is in no way trying to suggest that meditation is a waste of time. Despite the anxious initial reaction, a serial meditator will be better able to handle the situation better as compared to someone who has never sat in silence to observe her thoughts or feelings.

Concept #1: Love and Kindness Meditation

In the Tim Ferris Show, Sharon Shalzberg, the renowned meditation teacher spoke about loving kindness meditation, a critical component of meditative exercises. During the conversation, to get an idea of what this component entails, Tim shared a story of an exercise he did and the massive impact it had on him.

In it, everyday before winding down, he wished peace and all the love and kindness to two people. As simple as it sounds, he shared how this ridiculously easy habit made him incredibly happy. To uncover this mystery, Sharon shared her insights on the philosophy behind love and kindness meditation.

She stated that our lives are centered around what we pay attention to. Most of the time, the person we’re most attentive about, is us. And our attention, further, shapes our thoughts and feelings. So, for example, if you received a suspicious email from your boss about your performance, the more you pay attention to it, every time you speak to her, everything she says or does will hint you towards that email.

Soon enough, your attention on your problems will color your thoughts and feelings.

Love and kindness meditation helps flip our attention towards other people- that barista who wished you have a good day, or even that dog who licked your fingers as you patted him. Once we start paying attention to others and wish them love and kindness, there is a sense of space that we create for ourselves. We no longer feel trapped by that email. Further, that space we just created helps us deal with our problems. We can finally calm down and think about what we can do in our control to make this situation better.

Additionally, there’s a sense of realization that comes with paying attention to others- that, we’re not the only ones going through problems. We’re all struggling, we’re all trying to make it.

So, the next time you feel extremely anxious about a situation, try to think about two people and wish them all the love and kindness in the world.

Concept #2: Short Assignments

I was introduced to this concept for the first time by Anne Lamott, in her famous book about writing- bird by bird. In that context, short assignments were used to break down complex tasks (like writing a book) to approachable simpler ones- writing the preface (for example).

However, soon enough, I started applying that mindset to everything in life- at work and especially if I was having a shitty day. This helped me approach my daily endeavors in a more realistic manner. It gave me a better picture of what the process looked like- from the overall goal to specific tasks.

Now, how can this help us get serenity?

Think about any situation that can provoke anxiety. Let’s go with the wallet example- imagine its a Friday night, you get back home, ready and tired to hit the bed and suddenly realize that your wallet is nowhere to be found.

More typically, if you’re anything like me, your mind will start imagining the worst case scenarios- your checking account dropping down to zero, someone becoming aware of who you are and where you live, and the list goes on and on. The heart, to make things worse, will feel intense anxiety, making it next to impossible for you to think straight.

Now, let’s apply this concept by asking ourselves a question- how can we break this down? Meaning- to achieve the goal of retrieving wallet, how can I break this down into simpler, more manageable tasks.

I know what you’re thinking- dude, I just lost my fucking wallet. You think I’m going to be in the right mindset to “break this down”?

And you’re right- its really hard to do rationalize when anxiety is at its peak. However, the first thing you’re likely to do is go back to that bar and look for it. Great- that’s the first step in the process. On your way to the club, this concept helps us simply jot down contingency steps. That is- what can you do if you cannot find your wallet?

Well, the first thing you can do is go to your banking app and lock your cards. So, your worst fear of someone taking all your money is taken care of. Next, if you don’t end up finding your wallet at the bar, you can go to the police to file a report- so you don’t have to worry about identity theft.

The point is, when we want to accomplish something that is partially outside our control, we need to, in a very real sense, try our best to break down our efforts into manageable chunks.

As long as we take care of things in our control, we can feel rest assured that we did everything in our power.

The rest, as Marcus Aurelius says- take it as it comes.

Concept #3 Circle of Control

Our lives today, for most part, are intertwined with those of others.

To survive and thrive in the competition that is capitalism, we need to rely on other people and their talents. It doesn’t matter how great your idea looks on paper, to build a prototype, you need to make sure your design department has sufficient bandwidth that week.

And although this gives us a pedestal to achieve beyond our wildest dreams, it does have a downside- that, now, more than ever, not everything is in our control.

If we need to get something done, its more likely that we’re going to be dealing with other people.In the midst of chaos, forgetting this can cause us a lot of anxiety. Think about that wallet example again- as much as we’d want all of our cards and money back, unfortunately, it’s beyond our control.

That said, however, what we can definitely do is go look for it, and (if necessary) lock our cards and file a report to avoid other consequences. Therefore, distinguishing between what is in our control and what’s not, especially when we’re feeling anxious, can help us sustain serenity.

When we focus on things in our control, we’re more likely to be successful at achieving them. We stop wasting precious time worrying about the what- if’s and zero in on making sure we do everything from our end.

That is when, despite being in a bad situation, we can feel peaceful- since, we’ve done everything we could.

Concept #4 View from Above

Another stoic concept, the view from above mindset entails literally looking at the world as a whole and realizing that in the scheme of things, no human life is significant. The point isn’t to take this existentially, instead, it’s to let it act as a gentle reminder that ego, pride, our troubles, if viewed from the top- don’t matter.

Here’s Marcus Aurelius in his journal Meditations:

Constantly reflect on how swiftly all that exists and is coming to be is swept past us and disappears from sight. For substance is like a river in perpetual flow, and its activities are ever changing, and its causes infinite in their variations, and hardly anything at all stands still; and ever at our side is the immeasurable span of the past and the yawning gulf of the future, into which all things vanish away. Then how is he not a fool who in the midst of all this is puffed up with pride, or tormented, or bewails his lot as though his troubles will endure for any great while? (5.23)

There are situations where despite our best efforts, hopes, and intentions, there is nothing we can do to make things better.

You failed a class in senior year, which delays your graduation date. Your parents fight daily and it doesn’t seem like either party is going to make a mature decision. Notice- that, all of these, to a greater extent, are out of your control. There is absolutely nothing you can do, from your end to make situations like these better.

And, it’s rather unfortunate that we’re bothered by things outside of our control. In fact, to some extent, that is what makes us human, doesn’t it? Its the fact that we’re deeply impacted by actions of people who we love.

That said, this concept makes all of this look trivial. It makes us realize that the unfairness that we deal with everyday, and the unfortunate realities that we dread (death, for example) are way beyond us. They have been affecting people for eons, but at the end of the day, all of this chaos doesn’t really matter.

Life, as we all know, does and always will go on.

If you haven’t seen the view from above video, I recommend you check it out here.

Concept #5 Watching your Thoughts and Feelings

Its no surprise that our minds are incredibly fragile.

For example- if someone tells us not to think about something, its more likely that we will think about it.

And typically, the unfortunate myth that most of us live with is that we are our thoughts and feelings. In fact, the French philosopher Rene Descartes is famous for his quote- I think therefore I am.  And, if we follow that mindset, every time we think or feel something that is not pleasant, the natural tendency is to walk away from that thought or feeling.

And that’s what creates chaos.

We think we can control our minds without exercising them (hint- meditation).

The way we approach thinking, in reality, has changed over time.

In an episode of Invisibilia (a podcast that discusses invisible forces that control human behavior and shape ideas), host Alix Spiegel and Hanna Rosin discuss the secret history of thought- three approaches of looking at thought, all of which have been influenced by time.

Approach #1: Thoughts have meaning Approach #2: Thoughts shouldn’t be taken seriously, they should be challenged through reality Approach #3: Most of our thoughts are nonsense and don’t deserve our attention. By watching them without judgement, we can stop becoming them

Each of these has its own separate story. If you’re interested, I highly recommend listening to the episode.

Now, there’s no point in rejecting any of these approaches. Each one of them can be used in different scenarios. That said, in case of an anxious mind, which approach can help us feel better about our anxiety provoking situations?

Let’s go back to loosing our wallets. In that case, approach #1 would entail we look deep into that scary thought that someone is going to steal all of our money. Approach #2 would demand that we challenge that thought with reality. None of these will help us in that exact moment when all we can feel is our heart beating faster and faster due to anxiety.

Approach #3 would be interesting. This would mean we simply watch our anxious thoughts and feelings without any judgement. This will help us become separated from them, so, we can focus on doing things in our control.

Side Note- Meditation can help you have a better experience if you do end up approaching your thoughts by watching them without any judgement. In fact, one of the best analogies I’ve known about this concept is from the Meditation app Headspace, said by the founder and monk Andy Puddicombe: Watching your thoughts and feelings is like sitting by a busy road and watching the cars. You’re not reacting to them, you’re not judging them. You’re simply watching.

If you’re interested in learning more about Meditation, I recommend you check out this and this post.

Over To You

Its rather unfortunate that today, given the fast paced world, there are many things outside of our control that can provoke our monkey mind. If you’re interested to learn more about that, I recommend you read this book by The School of Life.

That said, having these tools in mind can help us attain serenity when its most needed- during times of chaos.

Seneca said it the best when he commented on the nature of suffering in imagination vs in reality- we suffer more in imagination than in reality.

So, let’s learn to take ourselves less seriously, let’s learn to let self-awareness spearhead our conquest of attaining peace and calm.