#i googled some stuff and found a whole different thing to be disturbed about | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

papergirllife · 3 years

Text

Chapter 3

Synopsis:

You don’t know what it’s like to be free, to make your own choices, and live your own life. For your whole life, your parents have been treating you like a puppet on strings, controlling your life to every single detail, as well as ignoring the fact that you have feelings. Other times, when you disobey their wishes, or speak up about your own opinions, they bash you down with words, in other words, psychological abuse, has led you down the long winded road of depression and anxiety. What happens when you meet a man who’s willing to be your guide out of this terrible downpour? Would you give a shot at happily ever after?

Warnings:

big age gap (kinda?)

issues on anxiety

issues on depression (mild)

issues on parental abuse

smut (maybe)

Tag List: @etherealtyjaem , @caratzennie , @johnnysuhnflower , @euphoricchannie , @yeollieseo , @jjhmk , @sherzess , @wonderfulkoreanpop

(lmk if you wanna be on the list)

You’ve been seeing Mr Suh, correction, Johnny, his first name, as per requested by Johnny himself.

“Mr Suh makes me feel older than I already am, you make me feel like a teenager all over again, so you have to call me Johnny. Let me relive my days when I was still a college kid.”

You didn’t mind, things aren’t as awkward between the two of you anymore, Johnny’s been spending time with you, although the two of you never established any sort of labelling towards what this relationship is. You and Johnny only hung out and had meals together, trying out different cuisines, watching movies, even going as far as skipping a day at work to go to the amusement park. He even bought you to an arcade when you told him you haven’t had the chance to venture to one since you were in grade school.

“Why haven’t you ever been to one for so long?” Johnny asked when he finished a round of pinball.

“They said it was a waste of time and that I should spend more time studying,” you said, wondering why Johnny would ask that, isn’t it the same for all the kids?

Whenever you mention your confining life to Johnny, he’d have a faraway look in his eyes, jaw locked in silent rebuke, he doesn’t say anything, he pulls you close, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. He would be quite for almost half an hour before he goes back to regular cheerful Johnny, telling you lame jokes that you would surprisingly find funny.

You didn’t have a phone, since your parents forbid you to have one, the only means of communicating is through your email account on your laptop, and even that you must always bear in mind to delete his mails right after, and take further precaution, you didn’t allow him to initiate the sending.

Johnny wanted to buy you one, but you rejected him promptly, you didn’t want him to spend so much money on you, he already spends lots on taking you out to eat. You gave him the excuse that it was too dangerous, and the consequences of getting caught are severe.

You often questioned your relationship with Johnny, you aren’t dumb, you’ve googled him and saw gossip news portals uploading photos of him and some model going out and about in hotels, but those headlines were months ago, the latest news about him was from his interview with Times magazine.

You never had the guts to ask him, you don’t know what you mean to him. What right do you have to question his whereabouts and what he does? He’ll probably be bored of you after he’s known all of you.

You know you shouldn’t think of Johnny that way, it is mean to assume what he’s thinking, especially how well he’s treating you, but seeing those headlines gives you a sense of insecurity, you keep telling yourself that this won’t last, but the thought of not seeing him again made your hair stand. He’s making you happy, a distraction towards the negativity you face in that house you live in, but for how long?

House. You never called it a home, unless you were telling your boss you were leaving, to prevent anyone from questioning your odd way of describing it. It was never a home to you. To you, a home is a place where you feel happy, safe, and most importantly, loved. The closest you’ve ever felt to having these feelings were your grandma and Joh... No, you don’t love him, and he doesn’t love you. What were you thinking?

You pushed those thoughts away as you opened your laptop to double check the files that you’ve typed out for your parent’s next important meeting that was supposed to be taking place first thing tomorrow. But when you went through your folders, the files were nowhere to be seen. It’s then you realised that the notification that keeps urging you to update the laptop was gone, it wasn’t the first time you updated the laptop and found out some files were missing, so you would never update the laptop at such a crucial time.

You took the laptop out to your father who was watching some news on his phone in the dining area to ask him if he had updated the software without alerting you.

“Yes, I did. What about it?” he asked, annoyance on his face due to the sudden disturbance.

“The files are missing because of the update,” you informed him.

“What files?”

“The files for tomorrow’s meeting, they’re missing,” you told him as you mentally prepared yourself for what’s to come.

“What do you mean missing?! I bet it was because you saved it wrongly again! Your retarded brain never works does it?! Do you know how important those files are?! You always work on them late at night blurry eyed, of course you didn’t save them properly! You could’ve worked on them in the morning before work. but no... You want to ‘exercise’! What a waste of time!” You’re not pretty anyways, what are you doing them for huh?!” Your father shouted, his eyes blazing in rage, his fist slamming onto the glass.

While your father was shouting, your mother was checking the laptop as she complains about how clueless you are. It was like your brain couldn’t take the amount of hurtful words piercing into your mind like daggers, you let out a high pitched scream as tears threatened to fall, your hands covering your ears as your eyes were a blur.

When you could see properly again, you could make up words which sounded like ‘how dare you’ from your father, next thing you registered were the fury in his eyes as he advances on you, hand above his head, ready to hit you. You didn’t know what came over you, but the first thing you did was kicking him away. That’s when a full on fight broke out.

You were filled with rage, your mind wasn’t registering what you were doing. You went into a flight or fight stance and started thrashing and kicking as his hands were holding painfully tight on your wrists after you tried punching him.

Your mom urges the both of you not to fight, her voice barely registering in your head as she sits still on the high chair by the kitchen island, not bothered to even try to cease the fight.

When you finally pushed him away, you ran into your room and locked it. Your chest was heaving from the panic attack that just started, you tried your best to calm yourself down, reminding yourself to breathe, it was suffocating, controlling your breathing as more tears made its way out of your eyes.

When it all stopped, your body succumbed into mental exhaustion, passing out on your bed as the tears finally ceased.

You only woke up for dinner last night, and proceeded to sleep again. Yesterday’s events made you feel numb, other than the pain from the bruises on your arms.

There was a big ugly one on your left upper arm, its colour an ugly shade of green and purple. A few other less serious ones scattered around your lower arms. In other words, you look like a wreck.

You wore a jacket to run even though you were sweating from your previous cardio work outs, feeling a little better after the endorphins in your body kicked in. When you got back, you quickly showered and ate a toast. When you asked for your mother’s phone to remind your boss you were going to take the day off, she told you that weren’t needed at the meeting anymore and that she finished everything last night.

“Just call to say that you’ll be going to work,” she said, not even looking in your direction when she handed you her phone.

But when you called to inform your boss, he told you that he had another part time coming in, and that it was too short of a notice. You said thank you and hung up, but said that you’ll be at work on time today before handing it back to your mother.

You really needed to escape for the day.

You opened the laptop and sent an email to Johnny.

I’m free today. Wanna go out?

You sat on your bed staring at the ceiling as you were sure it was going to be a bit before he replied, but just as you closed your eyes, you heard a distant chime from your laptop.

I’m rushing some stuff at the office today. I’m so sorry, Y/N.

Can I stay in your office? I really wanna get out of the house.

You sounded like a spoiled kid begging for attention, but you really wanted to see him today.

Sure. But you might get bored :) .

I’m leaving the house now :) .

For a 26 year old businessman, he sure loves to use emoticons.

You got changed into jeans and a jacket, you don’t usually wear one if you were going to a secluded area with Johnny, but you had to hide all the marks from last night. You just noticed that they hurt after you accidentally knocked your wrist against something.

You took the bus to the address Johnny wrote down on your diary, it was after one of your dinners together, and he jokingly said that you could always swing by if you wanted, you didn’t know you were going to actually do that.

The bus station wasn’t too far of a walk from his office, since it was just downtown Seoul where the Korea’s financial hub was located.

As you were nearing the office buildings, you stood out like a sore thumb, given the way you were dressed and your age. The people kept giving you stink eyes and sideway glances.

Suh Capital Partners. That was it.

You walked in the rotating doors, only to be greeted by masses of people walking around with smart pads, files, talking on the phone while the assistants take notes. Johnny didn’t mention his company being this big.

You admired the facade of the lobby, it displayed the latest news on a large monitor while futuristic lights hung from the high ceiling, the walls were a perfect balance of steel and wood with a wall of plants filled the wall behind the reception area.

You realised that the people stopped what they were doing before and started looking at you curiously when one of the nicely dressed women from the reception walked up to you.

“Excuse me, miss. May I ask who are you looking for?” the woman asked, her eyes scanning you from top to toe.

You froze at your spot from how cold she sounded, like she didn’t want you around to ruin the aesthetic of the company. You reminded yourself that you weren’t going to see her anytime soon after this and that if you did make a fool of yourself then so be it.

“I’m looking for Mr Suh,” you told her.

She looked taken aback from your answer, but gave you the ugliest sneer when she recovered.

“Miss, this isn’t a school, you can’t just walk in here and demand to see someone without an appointment. Mr Suh is the head of this company, not someone you can just meet without an agreement from him. Please leave this instance,” she said, her tone high pitched enough to gather everyone’s attention, you swore you heard someone laughing a few feet away.

“But...

“That’s my guest, Ms Park.”

You whipped your head back to see Johnny standing behind you. But instead of his usual warm honey eyes, his eyes were a cold and staring daggers into the woman in front of you.

“I’m so sorry, Mr Suh. I’ll get back to my work now,” the woman bowed apologetically, going as far as doing it numerous times.

“I’m going to need a key card for her, Ms Park. Send it up to me when you’re done,” Johnny said, but his eyes were scanning the crowd, his employees immediately went back to what they were doing, the large lobby void of any sound other than people rushing to the lift lobby to escape the scene.

Johnny placed a hand behind your back and guided you to the lift lobby after most of the people have taken the ride up to their respective floors.

“I’m sorry,” you said after the coast was clear.

Johnny’s intimidating stance broke as confusion takes over his face.

“What are you sorry for?” Johnny asked, he should be the one saying sorry.

“I’m such an embarrassment, coming here in my jeans and jacket with a canvas bag, looking like a kid,” you said, fingers nervously tugging the straps of your old bag.

“Hey, hey, hey. Nothing’s wrong with being young and dressing your age. They’re just grumpy from all the work. Don’t take their words into account, and you look great. Perfection as always,” Johnny said reassuringly, hands placed on your shoulder, the warmth of his palms calming you slightly.

“No....

You buried your face into your hands as he patted your head, you sneakily glanced up to see him smiling at you with a toothy grin. But you quickly regained posture as you saw an elevator door open with many pairs of legs.

Johnny wasn’t going in even though the lift was going up, that’s when people in the lift realised it was him, and quickly came out of the lift, saying sorry and greeting Johnny.

Johnny guided you in after the lift was cleared empty. His staff looking at you curiously, you weren’t used to having so many pairs of eyes on you, their curious eyes burning holes into you.

Johnny could sense your anxiousness from the way you were hiding behind his tall figure as the two of you walked into his office, there weren’t many people at that time, given the fact that only direct reports of his business partners came up to hand in documents.

You only felt yourself loosen up a bit after you took a seat on Johnny’s armchair in his huge office, overlooking Seoul’s skyline and the cars that were buzzing about on the roads. The view made you calm down a bit from the journey coming up here.

You felt the chair dip as Johnny took a seat on its armrest, his hands coming up to give your shoulders a nice massage. Johnny smiled at the way your eyes lit up from his comforting touch as you looked back to smile at him, he felt a warm feeling deep in his belly as he takes in your beautiful features and the warmth of your shoulders on his fingertips. But as he puts more pressure onto your shoulders, you wince slightly, which didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“Did your boss at work make you lift heavy stuff again?” Johnny asked, his hands ceased all movements, fearing that he would hurt you again.

You automatically thought of your fight with your father last night, it might be because of the force exerted from when he had pushed you.

“N-no, I just didn’t sleep well last night. I watched a horror movie and had a nightmare,” you lied, not knowing how he would react if you told him the truth.

“Be careful when watching these movies, Y/N. If you went to work and your boss really made you move heavy things today, then you would’ve strain your muscles,” Johnny said, going back to massaging your shoulders, but this time gently applying pressure on that spot, rubbing it in clockwise circles to ease the pain.

“I’m fine, Johnny. Didn’t you have work to rush? I don’t want to keep you away from important matters. And my shoulders feel much better now,” you said, moving away from his hands even though you could’ve let him do that forever, it felt so comforting, borderline addictive.

“Okay, I’ll tend to your shoulders again later.” Johnny said as he lays his head on top of yours, a gesture that he had came up with whenever he wanted to show affection to you without crossing uncharted territories, your heart sped up whenever he does that.

You were just sitting on the couch reading one of your old books when you looked up and saw Johnny frowning at his laptop, you placed your book down and made your way to Johnny.

“Don’t frown like that, you’ll get frown lines when you’ll get older, it’ll spoil your handsome face,” you joked.

Your hands reach out to smooth the creases on his forehead, a smile coming back to Johnny’s face.

“Thank you,” he said, taking your busy hand into his, lightly tracing the area between your thumb and your index finger.

“What’s bothering you?” you asked, unbeknownst to you, your lips were unconsciously set in a pout.

“There’s some documents that are supposed to be sent to my office in Chicago, but the English that’s written here isn’t up to standards, I’m worried the staff there won’t understand what the document is stating. I don’t mind correcting it, but I have other things to tend to as well,” Johnny explained to you.

“Can I take a look at it? I had Cambridge classes for 8 years. Guess it’s finally coming in handy. I mean only if you think I’m capable, I don’t want you to think I’m boasting or anything, I just really wanna help...

“Y/N, sweet, I trust you. Just let me get you a laptop,” he said before dialling to his secretary.

Once Johnny sent the files to that laptop, you started correcting some grammatical errors and replaced some terms that weren’t as professional, when Johnny was done with his meeting, you were done with the documents as well.

“Here, take a look. There might be mistakes,” you said after sending him the files back.

“You were reading ‘me before you’, I think you’re fine, Y/N,” Johnny deadpanned.

“Just take a look, just in case,” you pleaded, doe eyes capturing his heart. Nodding, Johnny smiles, doing as you said.

Johnny scanned through the documents, his eyes lighting up brighter after each sentence, a proud smile making way on his face. When he was done, he pulled you close by the waist, and gave you a warm hug, his head nuzzling into your sweater.

“Thank you so much, sweetheart. I thought I needed to work overtime because of this,” he said, his voice was slightly muffled by the cotton.

“You’re welcome. You can always send me these files when I’m not here, I don’t want you to overwork yourself,” you offered.

“I’m fine, don’t worry. Wanna grab lunch? I can hear your stomach rumbling,” Johnny asked after pulling away, a cheeky glint in his eyes.

You could feel your cheeks heating up in embarrassment, as you hit Johnny’s shoulders lightly for his teasing, a smile creeping up your face.

“No, I’m not...

“Come on, I know this really nice French restaurant around the corner...

“Johnny I have the file you were...

Doyoung stops in his tracks as he sees you and Johnny being so close to each other.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had a guest,” Doyoung apologises, but his eyes were still wide in disbelief.

“Doyoung. This is Y/N. Y/N, Doyoung is one of my business partners, his dad was my dad’s business partner so now it’s his turn,” Johnny introduces his friend to you, telling you a bit of his background.

You gave Doyoung a tiny bow and soft hello, nerves wrecking up at meeting someone you often see on telly whenever their company has a press conference. You could sense an air of discomfort as Doyoung gives you a questioning look.

“You can just put the files on my desk Doyoung. I’ll take a look at them after my lunch break.”

When the evening rolled in, Johnny had to drive you home before your mom questioned your whereabouts.

“I really enjoyed having you by my side today, Y/N,” Johnny said sincerely after pulling up outside the gated area.

“I should be the one thanking you, I can’t believe those snails cost so much, yet you won’t let me pay you back whenever we have meals together,” you retorted, recalling how your eyes almost flew out of their sockets when you stole a glance at the bill.

“Money is not an issue, Y/N. I told you that many times before,” Johnny reminded you.

“I’ll see you on Saturday?” you asked, changing the subject before he offers to buy you a house or something.

“Yeah,” Johnny said, chuckling at how you diverted his attention.

Johnny unlocked the doors of his car, but right before you pulled onto the handle, Johnny pulled your arm, the place where one of the bigger bruises were located at, making you wince at the unexpected pain.

“Y/N I wanted to ask, wait. Are you in pain? Are you hurt? Did I accidentally hurt you?” Johnny asked his eyes wide in worry.

Before you could protest, Johnny pushed up the sleeves of your sweater, revealing the big ugly bruise on your upper arm, and several others that went downwards until your wrist.

You looked up at Johnny, scanning his face that was frozen in shock, eyes not believing what he’s seeing. His fingers gently tracing every bruise, his other hand rotating your arm gently, to see if there’s more.

“Y/N... Who did this to you?” Johnny questioned, but deep down in his gut, he’s sure it’s who he thinks it is.

“No one, Johnny. I just fell down when I woke up,” you said, lying through your teeth, you didn’t want to, but that was your survival instinct whenever someone asks about your parents.

“Don’t lie to me Y/N, it’s them isn’t it? They hit you. Why didn’t you tell me?” Johnny demanded, he questions why you don’t trust him, was he not worthy in your eyes?

“It’s nothing, Johnny. Goodnight,” you said in a breath before turning away.

You quickly got out of his car and ran to your lift lobby, Johnny was following behind you. But before he could step into the premise, you shut the glass door which could only be opened with a security card on him, mouthing the words sorry before you made your way into a lift.

Johnny banged at the door, shouting for you to come back, before the security guards asked him to leave. He could feel a prickle in his heart as he sees the bruises in his head, the image fresh. He felt red hot anger boiling in his heart, he was going to get you out of that horrible place, no matter what it takes.

#nct smut #nct fluff #johnny smut #johnny suh #johnny fluff #nct #wayv #nct dream #nct 127

137 notes · View notes

jitterbugjive · 3 years

Text

Native American Representation

So I’m in a tough spot right now and could use some advice or good places to go for reference-

I want to include Native American stuff in MMG, and this isn’t coming from a place of clueless white person guilt or fascination in the ‘aesthetic’ or whatever, but because it actually was a significant part of my life growing up. My uncle was able to prove his native heritage and went through the rights of passage to become a part of a tribe, where he’s even trusted to build sweat lodges which are such sacred places that if someone swears in one, it has to be torn down. He took me to pow wows and taught me a lot of things. And at a later point I had a Native American teacher who was very active in teaching us about her culture and getting us involved in it by learning things like hunting and preparing meat respectfully, cooking, crafting. She especially wanted me to get involved because of the heritage I had, and like my uncle got me in to some pow wows and encouraged me to sell some of my bead work to a shop that sold Native American goods, mostly artwork.

Heck it was kind of my first introduction to the fact that other cultures could accept me for who I was when I heard about the two-spirit people. I know two-spirit is a little more complicated than a sexuality or gender identity but just the fact that it exists shows an attempt to explain and accept LGBT+ people.

But I’m also not going to say I know enough, I’m still ultimately a white person who hasn’t gotten deeply enough involved to even remotely be an authority on any of this stuff, but I really want to show some proper representation.

I won’t make any native characters a mouthpiece for white guilt (like constantly talking about how white people stole the land, or some angry spirit who’s land was disturbed) And making them a human comes before making them Native, being Native wouldn’t be their whole identity and they wouldn’t base their actions around it, but you can see their cultural influences. I also know to research specific tribes and not just Natives as a whole.

As for writing lore, thaaaat’s the tricky part, because I’m trying to find what things to avoid since I know some tribes have mythos that are just NOT meant to be shared by non natives, or even shared at all because of fear of bad things happening. But I get mixed results, some people for example are certain it’s okay to write about wendegos and skinwalkers, but others will say not to do it period because it gives those creatures power in the real world.

Unlike with a lot of other cultures, I fear if I try to make anything inspired by the culture and mythos, someone is going to get upset. With most creatures in MMG, the point of them is that they inspired legends and myths but don’t exactly follow those myths, such as Fearmongers having many origins in many cultures because a lot of cultures used the supernatural to explain night terrors. I really don’t know if I can do this with Native American myths and beliefs, even if I went in to accurate detail on a myth and then said ‘but actually it’s this’, someone could get mad and call it erasure and I don’t want to do that. But if I only tell what people already know, it’s not exactly creative story telling.

I don’t know if making up a myth would be offensive either, because it’s not accurate representation. But the myth would take elements from known ones and try to create something that feels genuine but is all brand new.

Probably the worst idea would be to make up a tribe entirely, because then no one is being represented and they’ll fall in to the hole of just throwing different tribe cultures in to a mixing pot and that’s not a good thing to do.

The only reference I found for this stuff that looks like a really good way to learn is a master class that costs 55 dollars and I definitely don’t have that money right now. So input from anyone that maybe has Native heritage, or is just good at googling information, would be really super appreciated.

#native american

15 notes · View notes

fangirlandiknowit101 · 3 years

Note

12, 14 and 18☺️

Thanks for asking <333

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

There's lots to be honest, but something I still can't believe I haven't written is a horse riding au. Like, that's half a lie bc I have a few thousand words written for a Simon/Baz horse rider au that I might never finish, but I'd really like to write one for Naruto. But I always decide not to because I don't know all the words and I hate googling stuff while I write. But one day! Surely!

14. If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick?

Honestly? Kirk and Spock. They'd find a way to get us out of there. And if not, it would at least be cool to meet them.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

You really had to pick such a difficult question... I can never decide on any particular line/scene. So I opened up The sun within me and looked at the chapters and thought I'd pick something that could be interesting to comment on. And in this case, it's a bit about how Naruto, Sasuke, and Charasuke have changed and their different relationships with each other. So! Here's a bit of commentary for a scene in chapter 40 (under the cut bc it's fairly long lol):

[For clarification, this is right after Naruto and Sasuke come back home from Sasuke's mission where he fought Menma and Menma then disappeared. I'm skipping ahead to the part where they arrive at the orphanage and Charasuke is waiting in their room (Naruto's POV). My comments will be written in bold text.]

The clone’s memories dropped into his head like a puff of smoke, and he groaned out loud, making a face. Sasuke gave him a concerned look, but Naruto sighed and shook his head.

“Let’s go,” he said, feeling very reluctant as he grabbed Sasuke’s arm.

He supposed he could have teleported them somewhere else, but Charasuke had seemed prepared to wait until they returned. Maybe Sasuke could deal with him while Naruto sort of… drifted away and hid in the kitchen.

Naruto is acting very childishly in this scene, mostly because he's still wary of Charasuke, and also because he's just spent two days in Sasuke's company but pretending to be Menma, which means no cuddles/kisses or anything. He's kind of clingy, isn't he? Haha. And also, he doesn't really want to admit to himself that Menma disappearing for Charasuke is the parallel to his worst fear, that Sasuke will disappear.

“Where is he?” Charasuke demanded the second they arrived in the bedroom.

“Ah, Sasuke, maybe you can explain?” he suggested, inching towards the door, but Sasuke nailed him to the floor with a single glare.

“He could be anywhere,” Sasuke said, continuing to glare until he was sure that Naruto wouldn’t escape. “I didn’t manage to get a good look through the portal.”

“The portal?” Charasuke seemed to waver, arms wrapped around himself as he looked between them. “Tell me what happened.”

You can tell that Sasuke has really started to care about Charasuke here. He's not entirely open with him yet, but he recognizes a lot of himself in Charasuke and he puts himself in Menma's position, thinking about when he left the village and Naruto was left behind. He doesn't want Charasuke to hurt the way he knows Naruto was hurting back then.

While Sasuke described the mission, including what he called ‘Naruto’s dumb interference’, Naruto dug through his closet for the shirt he would make Sasuke wear. He was absolutely sure that Sasuke would argue about it – especially since he’d sent a clone to Akatsuki and not himself – but if he talked fast enough and relented that it would be enough if Sasuke slept in it for one night…

“He really is gone, then,” Charasuke said, his voice toneless. “I’ll never see him again.”

“I’m sure you’ll see him again,” Naruto said, contemplating the pros and cons of a t-shirt versus long sleeves. “Whoever grabbed him and hauled him off probably just wanted to keep him out of Sasuke’s reach. He gets awfully strong when he’s irritated.”

Naruto is definitely acting a bit heartless here, again, because he doesn't want to think about his own feelings or feel forced to recognize that Charasuke is a person Sasuke cares about, that he should also care about. I think he can get a bit closed off when there's too much going on in his own life, and that makes it hard to focus on other people, especially since he still wants to leave the other dimension and doesn't want to think about Sasuke caring about his family here - meaning Sasuke might want to stay.

When he turned back from the closet, he found Sasuke giving him a disappointed look.

“What?”

“You’re taking this lightly,” he said, glancing at the shirt in Naruto’s hand and apparently deciding to ignore it.

“Well, unless we figure out how to dimension-hop after him, I don’t think there’s a lot we can do.”

Now that he was back to being himself, all Naruto really wanted was to curl up in bed with Sasuke and not think about the outside world at all. Charasuke, on the other hand, seemed on the verge of tears.

“And what would you have done if I was the one who disappeared?” Sasuke asked, an icy note to the question.

“How would I know? It hasn’t happened yet.”

A bit of foreshadowing lol. Except Sasuke is the one left reacting when Naruto leaves, but Naruto really is trying to keep a tight grip in his emotions here and absolutely not think about the fact that Sasuke could have disappeared with Menma, and he wouldn't have known what happened to him.

“You could have let me follow after him and we’d know where he went.”

Naruto straightened up, face hardening.

“No, you might have known where he went, but the rest of us wouldn’t. Besides, he was trying to kill you. I went through too much trouble to keep you alive to just let you jump into some unknown enemy territory.”

As you can see, putting a lot of emphasis on Naruto's fear of losing Sasuke again.

Silent tears now streaming down his cheeks, Charasuke sat down on the bed and clenched his fists over his lap. It was obvious that he didn’t like what they were saying, but Naruto pushed his feelings of sympathy aside. Sasuke was his top priority, and that hadn’t changed simply because there was another one of him now.

“I told him I never want to see him again,” Charasuke sniffled, and it was really disturbing to watch someone with Sasuke’s face – well, a version of Sasuke, really – crying out in heartache.

Meanwhile poor Charasuke is having a background breakdown. To Naruto, it's hard to see a version of Sasuke like this. Charasuke is coming face to face with the realization that he's A: definitely not over Menma, B: he really handled things badly and never even stopped to think about why Menma was doing things.

“If he survives, you can apologize,” Naruto told him, trying to sound comforting. “Hell knows Sasuke said a lot worse stuff to me.”

To his great surprise, Sasuke went over to sit beside Charasuke, frowning as his hand twitched to reach out to him.

“This isn’t about you and me, Naruto,” he said, settling for an awkward hand on Charasuke’s shoulder. “And it could be our fault, anyway.”

“You know, Sasuke,” Naruto said as the initial shock wore off, “that sounds scarily like you’ve started caring about other people.”

Naruto and Sasuke having a small fight about Charasuke... Naruto knew Sasuke cared about Charasuke, but this is when he realizes that Charasuke is becoming a person that Sasuke wants to protect. And for Sasuke it's a small step towards opening his heart for more people than just Naruto. Sasuke is honestly mad at Naruto for taking things so lightly, for treating this other dimension as something that doesn't affect them. Besides, I really wanted Charasuke to be comforted by Sasuke haha.

Charasuke kept crying, and the look Sasuke directed at him clearly said what he thought of Naruto right then.

“Moron. I care about other people, just not anyone in our own dimension.”

Naruto knew that to be a lie, but decided not to say anything. Having Sasuke admitting to something like having feelings was a huge enough step on its own. Instead he sighed, grabbed something to sleep in, and headed for the door.

“I’ll just sleep on a couch,” he mumbled.

Does Sasuke care about anyone back in their own dimension? Maybe, but you wouldn't really see him act like this with canon Sakura, not before they left for the RTN dimension at least. It's a big thing that Sasuke is starting to voice his feelings out loud, and acknowledge them more. Naruto is feeling jealous actually, because he wanted to finally have Sasuke to himself, and also he feels guilty for being jealous, and also he's hoping that if he pouts enough Sasuke will comfort him instead of Charasuke lol. Not always the most mature person, but who is?

Coward, Kurama accused as he headed towards the living room, but Naruto was too tired to argue with him. Something about Charasuke always rubbed him wrong, and maybe it had to do with how he displayed his emotions openly and so obviously thought of himself as weak. If Sasuke wanted to handle it, fine. Naruto didn’t have the patience for people who sat around crying, and a small part of him didn’t like that he had such problems with caring about Menma, either. Menma had everything, a loving family, a Sasuke who cared about him, but he was still feared and treated differently. Even in this world people treated the bijuu as something dangerous, and he wondered how much of the whole story of them losing consciousness and turning into beasts was true, and how much was justification to treat them badly.

It's a bit of 'my problems are worse than yours so you shouldn't be so upset'. In the movie, we really got to see how much it hurt Naruto to see this other world where he had everything he wanted, and then acknowledge that it wasn't real. Even if he can recognize that the bijuu were still treated badly here, he can't quite make peace with the way Charasuke and Menma can't appreciate what they have. It makes it really hard for him to sympathize with them.

Am I supposed to feel touched? Kurama snorted as Naruto rearranged pillows into an acceptable bed on one couch. You didn’t care much for us either before you figured out the truth.

No, but everything was supposed to be the opposite here, right? Well, this part isn’t the opposite, it’s the same.

Between one heartbeat and the next, Naruto blinked his eyes open in front of Kurama’s open cage. There was water sloshing around his ankles, and everything was clouded in some sort of yellowish haze.

“Oh, come on,” he complained, but Kurama tsk’ed at him with his head supported by one giant paw.

“I hate to admit it, but you might be onto something, kid.”

“Uh-huh, well I don’t know about you but I want to sleep.”

Kurama reached out and poked him in the stomach with a sharp claw, eyes narrowing to slits. Even if they were friends, Naruto didn’t feel like testing the limits of that friendship with those claws so close to him.

“Sometimes you say things in such a stupid voice that I miss how important it might be. Now shut up and listen,” Kurama growled, three of his tails swishing angrily behind him. “This world is supposed to be opposite, right?”

“I don’t know, but everything seems opposite.”

“Let’s pretend we know it’s true. So, everything and everybody is the opposite more or less. But, the prejudice against the bijuu is still there. And we were told that it was only recently that they became unable to control. So, where does that leave us?”

Naruto pouted, not bothering to answer. Obviously Kurama already knew what he wanted to say.

“I think it means that anything that is the same, is something that somebody has tampered with.”

I was going to do more with this, but it was also a bit of 'what sort of theories would they have for what was really going on?' and this one is accurate in a way, because Hagoromo did tamper with the bijuu which in turn made them become feared and badly treated. So it's definitely hinting at there being someone behind the scenes manipulating the bijuu.

“Huh?”

Kurama rolled his eyes, sighing so deeply that Naruto felt the wind from it tear at his clothes.

“Think, boy! If this is a mirror-world or whatever, people shouldn’t be afraid of me and my siblings. But they are, and it only started a while ago. Obviously someone made us go crazy. And Menma has me inside him, but a crazy version of me, so wouldn’t it be logical that whoever did something to the me inside Menma, could also do something to Menma?”

He thought about it, hard enough that his head started hurting. Sasuke would probably know, but he was busy with Charasuke.

“I guess,” he said eventually, huffing a little. “But even if you’re right, it doesn’t help us figuring out who’s behind it all.”

“Does it matter?” Kurama scoffed, and then his lips spread in a terribly evil grin. “We’re going to kill them anyway, aren’t we?”

“This is why you have such a bad reputation,” Naruto sighed.

Kurama only laughed.

I really love Kurama... His and Naruto's weird friendship gives me life. His solutions to problems are always very straightforward heh.

Well, that's that :3

10 notes · View notes

topherfoxtrot · 3 years

Text

Ice cold eyes❄️

❄️Anders Cain smut yeahh. Don't worry you don't need to watch the movie, just keep in mind he's a hockey player with daddy and anger issues.

✨As usual reader is first person and neutral. The dialogue is fun but the text gets super explicit at the end. Be advised. TWs include sex obviously, daddy calling, feet kissing and cum swallow.

🙏Don't forget to like, reblog or comment anything if you enjoyed this piece of moral depravity ^^

Being Anders' neighbor was weird. Some days I could listen to him screaming at the tv or at the cellphone. Some nights I could hear his bed moving around while he had sex. Sometimes his apartment would stay in absolute silence for almost a month. Other times I could listen to him crying in the dark. Those usually came after he had a phone call with his dad.

Tonight was one of those nights. I have a really good hearing so I could always hear his cellphone's ringtone. I paused the Netflix show I was watching and silently walked towards the wall so I could hear him better. Anders' 'hey dad' was kinda of shy. There was some silence. He tried to speak but his father on the other end of the call interrupted him. Anders listened to whatever his dad was saying in silence, except for an occasional deep sigh. He tried to speak again but was interrupted once more. Anders finished the call with a "yes sir".

I knew what was coming but I couldn't take myself away from the wall. I listened to the few dragged footsteps Anders made before collapsing on what I assumed was his couch. Anders cried as silently as he could, I never saw his tears but I could listen to the sniffs. At this point a huge part of me had already decided going to his house so I could help him in some way. I had to wait for the next stage though.

Anders got up and growled. Like a feral animal he approached his punching bag and started to beat the shit out of it. After living next to Anders for more than a year I could actually pinpoint when he was casually training and when he was having one of those anger releasing moments. I walked around my house trying to come up with an excuse to pay him a visit while the punching continued.

There was not a cup of sugar or borrowed plastic pot or any favor to return. We barely ever talked to each other apart from the eventual good mornings and good evenings we would say to each other when we crossed on the hall. Hell I only knew his name because I heard some of his friends saying it in own of those boys nights they have.

I pressed my lips and frowned in disappointment before walking back to the wall. The punching had stoped. I took a deep breath while gathering the courage to actually go talk to him. I left my apartament and walked towards his door still minding my steps as if I was doing something imoral (like invading his privacy). It took me a couple moments to actually knock on his door. I heard him moving around, he clearly wasn't expecting anyone.

When Anders opened the door the first thing I noticed was the bandaid on his nose and the little wound on his left eyebrow. And of course his eyes were bloated due to the recent crying. We were both wearing the same clothes: sweatpants and an old t-shirt. He sniffled hard before talking softly.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm gonna be honest with you." I switched the weight on my feet, "I know you have been crying."

Anders looked at me like I've just caught him completely naked. His eyes traveled to my bare feet and up to my head real fast. They crossed the hall and then stopped at my eyes. It felt like there was more than one sentence forming inside his head at the same time. I purposefully passed my hands on my arms and elbows. He blinked a couple times before inviting me to come in as I knew he would.

The punching bag felt familiar even though I've never actually seen it. I spotted the couch too and the tv. His apartment had the same blueprint than mine and yet it looked really different. I could tell that some of the furniture was too expansive to be there. And the whole place smelled like the cleaning products I couldn't afford to buy. In an instant I remembered all the occasions I would hear the broom and the vacuum working at his apartment. Anders' voice took me out of my own thoughts.

"I'm sorry you heard me." He came from the kitchen holding a glass of water.

"You don't need to!" I reassured him.

"No." Anders shook his head, "I shouldn't cry like that. I'm a grown up. I can take it."

I actually chuckled upon hearing that. He looked offended so I quickly grabbed the glass of water to assert some kindness.

"I'm sorry! It's just that... that's not what being an adult is about. At all! Besides my relationship with my dad is also not good so I can definitely relate."

"You heard the call too?"

"Come on Anders we've been living next to each other for over a year man!" I almost spit the water when I realized what the silence he made actually meant. He never told me his name. I chuckled again, embarrassed this time, "Sorry, I heard your friends calling you that."

He quickly looked at the wall as if trying to see through into my apartment.

"My hearing is above average good, I guess." I smiled akwardly, "And the walls are super thin."

"Actually now that I think about it." Anders looked at me again, from head to toe like he did at the door, "I've heard you to."

Hearing that made my spine freeze. I replayed all my days in my mind. I work from home so I basically stay indoors 24/7. I often listen to music but never loud enough to disturb anyone. I also listen to podcasts while cooking and always end up crying with Netflix shows not targeted to my age. What has he heard??

"what have you heard?"

Anders actually smiled. He walked to the kitchen and came back with a bottle of expensive wine and two cups.

"Are you in a hurry?"

***

We spend some good forty minutes talking on his couch while drinking wine and eating sunflower seeds. Anders said it was about the gains. 'Sunflower seeds are for the winners!', on his words.

We exchanged cooking recipes and cleaning techniques. We also talked about how hard (yet good) it was to live alone. I talked about my work at the computer and he talked about his hockey games and how he would sometimes travel to play far away leagues, which explained his occasional absence.

As the alcohol made it's magic we started to talk about more silly stuff. He said that I had a really bad taste in music, which I agreed. I said that once I found out his name and heard his friends using all this sport vocabulary I googled 'Anders + hockey' to figure out who he was. And I was actually quite surprised he was considerably famous even though I had no idea who he was. I almost considered selling his address to crazy fans. That made him laugh

"How are they like?" I poured more wine into both our glasses, "The fans I mean."

"Eh, you know." Anders shrugged, "Some of them want to drink a beer with you. Some of them want to kiss you. And some of them want to kidnap you."

"And have you ever been kidnapped?"

"Only on purpose." Anders winked at me. That made me smile. His beard was not really my thing but looking closely he was indeed quite attractive. Or maybe that was just the wine talking.

"I mean, I'm at your house and you're drunk. I could very much kidnap you right now couldn't I?" without putting any thoughts into it I raised my feet to the couch because they're so so damn cold. Anders grabbed my feet softly and placed them on his lap.

"You're also drunk. Do you think you can keep me here?"

"At this point we both know that you can only get kidnapped if you're willing to. So the question is: do you want me to kidnap you, Anders Cain?"

He looked at me with those bright blue eyes of his while gently caressing my feet. Slowly and without taking his eyes off me Anders brought my left foot closer to him and kissed it. No one has ever done that to me. And very few people have looked at at me the way he was looking.

"How much do you think you father would pay for your rescue?"

"Honestly? Not much..." Anders placed my foot on his lap again and for a few seconds he looked away from me. I bit my lip in frustration.

"Let's put it this way then." I placed my almost empty glass of wine on the expansive mat, "What about you being daddy tonight?"

The look on Anders' face made it clear that no one has ever offered him such position before. And I was so glad I could be the first to help him explore such profanity. His hands moved from my feet to my ankles. I got closer to him and grabbed his glass of wine to placed it on the mat as well. From this distance I could see a little bit of gray in his eyes. We kissed.

At first softly. His beard felt weird against my cheeks and chin, but not for long. I could taste the wine on his lips and mouth. Once his tongue came into play I felt his hands on my thighs. That made me kiss him even harder. It's been more than a month since the last time I had sex, I definitely missed the touch. I tried to jump on his lap but he grunted in pain and quickly asked me to back away.

"What is it?" I asked worried.

"Hockey stuff." He briefly explained before taking off his shirt to reveal the wounds around his ribs and shoulders. In the heat of the moment that only made me desire Anders even more. I took my shirt off and got up to get closer to him. I gently placed my hands on his waist before kissing him again.

"Don't worry." I whispered, "I'll be gentle daddy."

That made Anders hyperventilate briefly, which of course only made me proud of myself. I kissed his big hands. Then I kissed his forearms and biceps. His shoulders were broad and strong and yet lean. I kissed his shoulders and back being careful not to put too much pressure of the wounds. He flinched slightly but didn't ask me to stop.

Facing Anders again I grabbed the sweatpants and lowered them slowly. His eyes followed mine like that scene from karate kid. That made me feel powerful but I promised 'daddy' I would be kind. I would bring him to orgasm. I would bring him to forget his problems for a while. I would bring him to relax.

I grabbed Anders' dick in order to pull him into his room, but he didn't move. Instead he pulled me closer and kissed my neck. His bite made electricity run through my whole body. When we parted he looked at me with such predator eyes. Blue as ice. Sharp as a knife. Terrifying is not the best word to describe it but it's the first one that comes to mind.

Suddenly I remembered all those videos I digged up online of Anders beating the shit out of other hockey players. Did he look at them the same way he was looking at me? Did they like it as much as I am? Unfiltered duo to the alcohol I whispered.

"You're crazy."

"You like it." He whispered back.

It felt like we should smile but we didn't. Our eyes kept locked in a horny stare. I grabbed his dick again and pulled him into his room without taking my eyes off his. Same blueprint. The thing that catch my attention was the daisy flowers on Anders' bedstand. They seemed out of place for some reason. Or maybe I just didn't know him well enough.

I made him sit on the bed, back on the headboard. He made himself comfortable and I got naked in front of him. He looked at me from head to toe for the third time that night. I licked my own lips in anticipation. His dick was rock hard. Inviting me.

I crawled towards Anders. My hands caressing his ankles and thighs. I kissed him in the mouth again before kissing his neck. He grunted with my weight on him, but only slightly. I then proceeded to kiss his chest and nipples. With my mouth I followed his blonde treasure trail. I kissed his balls testing their sensitivity. Then licked his dick from base to head. When I finally put his cock inside my mouth Anders shivered a little.

His dick was not too long or thick. It was avarage but it only made it easier for me to do my thing. I absolutely took my time. I payed attention to every moan and slight movement Anders made. Slowly deciphering what he liked best.

When I felt like he was approaching climax I went faster for the final prize. He started to moan louder like I've heard from my apartment. I recognized it. I knew it was time. I swallowed his dick into my throat until I felt my nose touching his pubes. He cummed hard into my mouth. I closed my eyes and moaned loudly as I swallowed spunk after spunk of his delicious cum.

After his orgasm I kept sucking his dick until it became soft again. Anders kept moving his finger toes around and grunting in pleasure as I finished my job. When I eventually got satisfied I moved to get off the bed but Anders pulled me back to a kiss. His eyes were still as blue as ice but they looked at me with much more kindness now. We both took a deep breath before kissing again.

***

I didn't like to sleep in the house of the people I had sex with but my apartment was literally a few steps away so I didn't mind. Anders and I took a shower together. We were more sober at the time and talked drowned in the kind of intimacy only an orgasm can grant you, even if temporarily. I slept on his bed with him. We woke up a few times because I would accidentally put my weight on one his hockey wounds.

In the next morning he left to train and I left to my apartment for working. He spend a couple days away and I caught myself checking the hockey leagues every now and then. We had sex some other times after that. I don't know if we consider ourselves friends but one thing is for sure: at this point we know each other better than anyone.

#Anders Cain #FoxtrotFanfic #Wyatt Russell #smut #goon last of the enforcers 2017 #as you know english is not my first language #I'm literally so proud of this writing #also this was the hornier i got so far #hope y'all enjoy :D

10 notes · View notes

readerbookclub · 3 years

Text

Discussion Masterpost - Educated

Because we had so many people join in this month (thank you all by the way, this was our biggest group yet!) I thought I’d make a post to summarize it all. This way, it becomes much easier to navigate the discussion in retrospect.

Just a few things to mention before: I include quotes from people’s posts and make minor alterations, such as shortening sentences for brevity. Anything altered is in these brackets [ ], to show that I made a change. If you’re unhappy with the way I quoted you, please let me know and I will fix it immediately :)

Also, for people whose names I don’t know, I used their usernames. If you’d like me to refer to you differently than I did, just message me and I’ll fix it.

Okay, that’s it. I’ll shut up know :p

Summary:

The book club really liked this one! Not one person said they didn’t enjoy it. Many people brought up how hard it was to put the book down, and quite a few read it in one or two sittings. This was our first non-fiction book, so it was great to see how many of us found it to be so enlightening and insightful. Everyone seemed to learn something from Westover’s experiences.

This is probably the first time we read a book and have everyone love it. Up until this point, every time we read a book at least one person felt indifferent (or worse) towards it. But this one seemed to win everyone over. That’s quite an impressive feat!

Book Reviews:

engineeriblr’s review - “ I had already read it two years ago, so some details might be a bit hazy. But I remember it to be the book that got me back into reading!”

Megan’s review - “Many of us take a college education for granted (myself included sometimes), but this memoir has caused me to think twice about that and truly appreciate it.”

Melissa’s review - “Just when you think you’ve seen it all, stories like Westover’s comes and makes you realize you’re ignorant. But, as Westover has clearly shown, this is part of the learning process.”

elfspectation’s review - “I learned more about how dangerous insular communities can be when everyone ‘minds their own business’ to an extreme degree that they forget to care about other people.”

Emma’s review - “ I loved rooting for Tara and seeing how she moved from a little girl growing up in the Rockies to a celebrated scholar.”

My review - “I had to keep reminding myself while reading the book that these events were real and happened to an actual person.”

Questions and Asks: (the quotations are only snippets of the responses, to see the whole answer you have to click on the link)

V asked: “The siblings got injured many times and [their mother] always overlooked the reason why they got injured in the first place. it just doesn't really settle with me.. What did you think about it?”

I answered: “it was incredibly disturbing to read about the abuse (if not abuse, then surely neglect) that the children had to live through. The parents found it easier to turn a blind eye than protect their family, and that’s something that no child deserves.”

I asked: “Did Tara's story change the way you think about school and learning?”

V answered: “we have all of the abilities, thoughts or stuff like that in us but education is what helps us understand it, recognise it, work on it.”

I asked: “Was there any specific event/moment from Educated that really stuck with you?”

Apples answered: “The accident that gave the mother brain damage, and the racoon eyes, that I googled. The second accident, because the dad did not learn. He did not. Not a thing.”

I asked: “Although Tara’s life is quite unusual, did you still manage to relate to her as a person? Or were the differences too big to overcome?”

V answered: “I never experienced these things directly like her but I did feel conflicted about it myself and still do sometimes. I feel like there’s a lot of gray area surrounding being a woman and the rights and wrongs and the way we judge it or in knowing and accepting what I really am as an individual and feel and think.”

I asked: “You mentioned that you'd already read Educated last year. Was it any different the second time?”

eflspectations answered: “ One thing I noticed was her love for the mountain, Buck’s Peak. In the later chapters she said a few things that made it seem like she really wanted to go back there, but the issues with her remorseless father made that something she was unwilling to do even though she felt like the mountain was drawing her to it.”

Other Cool Stuff:

In this post, elfspectation shares that Tara’s mother (LaRee Westover) wrote a memoir as a response to Educated. The post also shows a review made by Tyler’s wife, which is definitely interesting to read.

#book club #educated #tara westover #book discussion #masterpost #discussion masterpost #booklr #reading #book worm

17 notes · View notes

foodreceipe · 3 years

Text

CBD is everywhere. But is it a scam?

The super-popular cannabis compound, explained.

Anyone who tells you anything definitive about what CBD — or THC, for that matter — does to your body is lying

By Dan Nosowitz dd

Part of 1 - The mind, explained The coffee shop in my Brooklyn neighborhood has a chalkboard outside. It usually reads something like, “Our soup of the day is coffee.” Recently, though, it’s had a marijuana leaf on it, drawn in green chalk.Recreational marijuana is not legal in New York state. What the coffee shop is selling is CBD-infused lattes; CBD, which stands for cannabidiol, is a non-psychoactive compound found in the cannabis plant. Out of curiosity, I bought one. It cost $9 and tasted like a latte with that hint of marijuana herbiness you get from a weed cookie. Google research informed me I would not get high but would be calmer, less anxious, maybe a little sleepy. I have no idea if I felt anything at all. Mostly, I felt like I just spent $9 on coffee.

My coffee shop is not unusual in selling CBD products. In New York, and all over the country, you can find CBD oil in convenience stores, CBD vapes in smoke shops, and CBD tinctures and topical creams in beauty stores. You can buy CBD dog treats in Chicago, a $700 CBD couples massage in Philadelphia, and CBD chocolate chip cookies in Miami. CBD is also being combined with ice cream, savory snacks, and cocktails. Even Coca-Cola is reportedly working on a CBD-infused beverage.

CBD exists at the confluence of three huge consumer trends. The first is the herbal supplement boom, a $49 billion-a-year industry that has seen rapid expansion since about 2010. The second is the rise of the anxiety economy, in which all sorts of products, from fidget spinners to weighted blankets, are pitched as reducers of the mild panic of everyday life. And the third is the near-overnight creation of a legitimate cannabis industry, thanks to the spread of marijuana legalization.

The exact legality of CBD is tricky. The Drug Enforcement Administration maintains that CBD is federally illegal but will not bother going after anyone for possessing or using it. Many argue that a provision in the 2014 farm bill allowing industrial hemp pilot programs, mostly aimed at the textile industry, actually made non-THC use of cannabis legal; while the much-delayed 2018 farm bill signed into law at the end of the year made industrial hemp legal nationwide, CBD has largely yet to be reclassified.

It doesn’t really matter: The result is that anybody, in any state, can seemingly buy CBD online or in a local brick-and-mortar shop without fear of arrest. That availability made CBD at least a $350 million industry last year; some estimates suggest that by 2020, annual sales of CBD products could top $1 billion — and some say it already has.

Despite this, CBD is something nobody knows much about, and certainly nobody is monitoring it properly. CBD is widely marketed as a supplement, despite the Food and Drug Administration saying it does not qualify as such (this is because it is an active ingredient in drugs which are either approved or under investigation to be approved). According to the FDA, the 2018 farm bill “preserved the agency’s current authority to regulate products containing cannabis or cannabis-derived compounds,” though the agency has largely ignored CBD up until now. On the FDA’s FAQ page, a vague answer maintains there are “many factors in deciding whether or not to initiate an enforcement action”; the agency plans to hold a public meeting and generally fact-gather “in the near future.” The Department of Agriculture handles research grants and pilot programs for hemp, but that’s where its involvement ends.

Research and regulation of cannabis in general is decades behind other crops and drugs because of its long prohibition. We’re in the early stages of a chaos period that will last a decade at minimum — a substance has to be legal in order for scientists to figure out how it works and for the government to figure out how to ensure it’s safe. Clinical trials take years to complete and will have to build on each other to create a competent understanding. Coupled with modern technology’s ability to disseminate truths, half-truths, and complete lies, this means we’re in a phase ripe for scams, intentional and not.

Both researchers who work with CBD and professionals who actually grow the raw material — those who best understand this compound and how it interacts with the human body, the people with the most investment in and knowledge about it — are skeptical to the point of scornful about consumer CBD products.

Esther Blessing is a professor and researcher at NYU who performs and reviews clinical trials on CBD’s effectiveness in treating post-traumatic stress, anxiety, substance addiction, and other conditions. Speaking about widely available and unregulated CBD oils, she says, “This is the main scam, snake oil thing going on out there now.”

CBD is about as poorly regulated and understood as a product this popular can possibly be. It’s not accurate to say that CBD, as a whole, is bullshit. From a medical perspective, it’s promising; recreationally, it’s interesting. But that doesn’t mean the stuff you’re buying works.

We know basically nothing about CBD

Anyone who tells you anything definitive about what CBD — or THC, for that matter — does to your body is lying. Nobody knows. The legitimate research out there is extremely limited, and the slow drip of legalization — medical use, then personal use, federally illegal but permitted by certain states and cities — has made it incredibly hard for researchers to do their jobs.

Here’s what we do know: The cannabis plant contains a wide variety of chemical compounds, many of which fall under the broad category of cannabinoids. There are more than 100 — exactly how many, we’re not sure. The best-known and certainly most profitable are tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) and cannabidiol (CBD). Both of these compounds stimulate the same receptor in the brain, called CB1, but have differing effects on the brain. Researchers aren’t totally sure why.

It may have something to do with the fact that THC stimulates that CB1 receptor a lot, in turn triggering the psychoactive effects of marijuana like disturbed sensory perception, impaired motor skills, and anxiety. Conversely, CBD stimulates CB1 very lightly, causing some effects that seem downright opposed to those of THC including relief from anxiety, stress, and hyper-excitability.

Unlike with THC, CBD’s effects aren’t limited to that single receptor. These effects are not precisely known, though CBD certainly has some impact on CB1’s sister receptor (CB2) as well as a receptor called 5-HT1A. When the 5-HT1A receptor comes into contact with a material that agonizes it, the effects can include reduced anxiety and increased calmness.

The limited studies out there indicate that CBD has, in its various interactions with the brain and immune system, some anti-inflammatory and anti-anxiety effects. It can balance out the effects of THC by reducing the anxiety THC sometimes brings, and many in the industry are big on “broad spectrum” or “full spectrum” configurations, which use many cannabinoids at once.

KEEP READING

https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2018/11/1/18024806/cbd-oil-vape-hemp

#CBD #cannabidiol #THC

4 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1044

survey by a7xbabii

Do you use e-mail often? I use it for eight hours, five days a week for work, so yes.

Do you hear any animals right now? I’m in a Starbucks inside a mall situated in the middle of a busy highway. It would be very unlikely to hear any animals right now.

Are you in a well-lit room? Sure, I’d say this establishment has good lighting. There’s no light directly above me unlike the other seats, but it’s okay in this case as I don’t want other people seeing me take surveys.

Is your trashcan full? The main one we use at home just got full, so the last time I checked this morning my mom was airing it out.

What was the last crunchy thing you consumed? My chicken barbecue sandwich from last night.

Did you view anything disturbing today? Hmm, I guess so? I wanted to entirely redo one part of my embroidery piece since I wasn’t happy with how I did it, so I had to remove the threads and stuff. When they were all gone the template was filled with holes and it looked like one of those trypophobia photos. I’m not personally disturbed by that phenomenon, but I know a lot of people are.

Are there any holiday decorations in your house? Yeah, we’ve had our Christmas tree up since the beginning of November. We also usually put a wreath up our door but idk why my mom didn’t this year.

When was the last time you had a terrible headache? Last night, because I had not eaten all day.

Have you recently put lotion on your hands? No. I don’t like the feeling of lotion, so I don’t apply it on me a lot, if at all.

Are you hungry? Not so much, actually. I don’t feel too hungry today; I didn’t even finish my breakfast and that’s the only meal I’ve had so far today, and it’s already 4 PM.

Is it rainy where you're at right now? No, it’s quite fair. The sun’s not too strong anymore because of the time, but it’s still very much bright out.

Do you carry a purse? If so, describe what it looks like. I take a wallet with me. It’s pink, made of fake leather, has three main slots inside, and it also has some tiny bite marks on the outer edges from when Cooper was a lot younger.

Is your cell phone on vibrate? For certain notifications only, like texts and Viber.

Is your dishwasher full? We don’t use a dishwasher.

When is the last time you saw someone you like/love. Around a week and a half ago.

Do you like to wear gloves? No, I find them too itchy and I don’t need to wear them anyway.

Is there a body of water near where you live? There’s a creek that passes through my village near the clubhouse area, if that counts.

What are your thoughts on Avenged Sevenfold? No opinion. I never listened to them; though I am reminded of this one mutual I used to have on Tumblr/Twitter. She used to be a wrestling fan and was a part of our main circle, but she gradually shifted her main fandom to Avenged Sevenfold. By the time she cemented her new interest she then went on a huge unfollowing spree of wrestling fans on her feed and she apparently PM’d each person she intended to unfollow, including me. I remember her explaining that she was now in a different fandom and was gonna have to stop following me which I found...kinda extra to be honest lmao because nobody does that, but I appreciate the effort to approach each one of us, I guess.

Are you wearing anything pink right now? Nope, but my wallet is pink and so is my keyboard cover.

Do you like to swim in the ocean? I prefer beaches, but sure.

What is the creepiest bug you've ever saw? Cockroaches.

Do you currently have split ends? I don’t think so.

When is the last time you used the bathroom? Around five hours ago when I took a shower before heading out.

Do you chew on your lip? Almost never.

Are you afraid of needles? For the most part yeah, especially syringes. I’m not afraid of them when I do my embroidery, but that’s the only time I feel comfortable with a needle.

What is the last thing you lost? A pen, I think.

When is the last time you saw a bald person? Five hours ago, when I said bye to my dad.

What car were you last in? [continued from two days ago] My own. I was driving home from the mall.

Do you like Batman? I tried to get into Batman and the whole shebang of comic books when I was a teenager, but I just couldn’t.

Have you ever played tennis? Never have, actually. I’ve always wanted to try.

Can you see a star shape in the room you are in? Probably not in my bedroom.

What are you sitting on? A pillow I’ve placed on my work chair so that it’s more comfortable. My parents got me a basic chair initially meant just for my internship, so it’s not the comfiest of chairs haha. But now that I have a job, a more suitable work chair is probably one of things I’ll have to invest on.

What is the last warm thing you touched? My chest felt itchy just a few seconds ago, so I was able to feel my skin scratching it.

Do you use hand sanitizer? That’s kind of a necessity now, so...

Where do you want to go in life? [continued from...I don’t even remember anymore] I don’t know if I even plan to make it past 30 at this point. I can’t answer this right now.

Are you sweating? No, I’ve been in air-conditioned rooms all day and it feels so damn good.

When is the last time you had to scratch an itch? A few minutes ago when my neck itched.

Are you in any kind of club or group that is trying to save animals? No, but I very much support the cause.

Who is the last blonde you saw? At work today I saw someone who had her hair dyed blonde.

Where were you two hours after you got up, and what were you doing there? I needed to go to the office today because my team and I needed to pack some stuff to seed to certain media. It was the first time I got to visit the place and it was sooooooo homey and pretty :) I wish we can be allowed to work in the office soon; it would be best for my mental health at this point.

Do you wish for world peace? Um, of course.

Have you ever played fetch with a dog? We were able to teach Cooper how to pick up items that we throw but he’s still slowly learning that he actually has to give it back to us, haha.

What is the nearest object that is wood? The table I am typing on is made of wood.

Do you use Netflix? Yes, we have a family subscription.

Does your house have a fireplace? No, we don’t. And I can confidently tell you all other houses in this entire country, and probably the whole of Southeast Asia, don’t.

Do you wake yourself up in the morning, or does someone else? I wake myself up. On important days, I’ll put an alarm on.

What kind of hoodie did you last wear? It was a white hoodie with a UP seal on the left side.

Do you play games on your computer? No, my laptop isn’t equipped for games. I tried downloading Sims 4 when they made it free for a few weeks back in 2018, but my laptop’s fan started whirring like crazy and the battery got drained super fast. The entire period of me booting it up and then deleting it took like, a literal 15 minutes.

What is the last video game that you played? Mario Kart 8 on the Switch. I want to get myself Switch games as gifts, but I’m just so stingy towards myself hahaha.

Have you ever pet a stingray? I’m 50% would like to at least once and 50% I know of what it did to Steve Irwin, and I’m not messing with them.

If you were on vacation, would you ever go to Ireland? It’s not a big item on my bucket list, honestly. I’d love to go to Ireland, but it would probably be a part of a bigger itinerary, like if I decided to take a trip to that part of Europe.

Are you logged into Myspace right now? I haven’t been on there for more than a decade.

Did you have anything bad happen to you today? Yeah, but they’re stuff that happened at work that are a little hard to explain.

Have you ever been to New York? Nope. I’d love to take a trip there.

Do you use the term "lol" if you don't have anything to say? Not really. I use it in the end of my messages more so that I don’t sound mean.

Should you be sleeping right now instead of taking this survey? Hell no. It’s a Friday night so the last thing I want to be doing is sleeping.

Can you truly say you hate anyone? I don’t think so. I greatly dislike my brother, but I guess I don’t hate him. I find it too strong a word.

Have you ever disected a baby pig in a class at school? Not a piglet, no. We dissected an earthworm, a fish, and eventually a frog.

What brand of dish liquid do you use? A local brand you wouldn’t recognize.

When is the last time you ate a Hershey Kiss? It’s probably been more than a year. It’s not my favorite candy.

Do you ever feel unappreciated? Yes.

Do you currently have any blemishes on your face? No. My pimple finally went away, hallelujah.

Who is the last baby you held? My cousin who is now 13 years old. I’m too anxious to hold babies; I always feel like I’d drop them so I find myself declining even when I have the chance to hold one.

Are you a lover? I guess.

Do you use smileys often in text convos? Yes. Not a lot of people like them but it’s better to sound friendly and approachable than stoic.

Do you have the Google toolbar on your computer? Like...Chrome? I have the program, yeah. It’s my default browser as well.

Do you like Sunkist? I’ve never had it.

Would you ever consider being a cannibal? I mean...I guess only if I was in a life-and-death situation, like if a plane I was in crashed on an island and I was starting to get hungry. I certainly don’t fantasize about cannibalism on any regular day.

Did you forget something important in the past week? I made a few mistakes at work due to me forgetting things, yeah.

Do you like learning new things? Sure.

What color is your toothpaste? White.

Are the floors in your house creaky? Nopes. I don’t think our doors are creaky-level just yet as well.

Do you fear death? I hate the uncertainty of what happens while it’s taking place, and what happens after. But I’ve been wishing for it for a while as well. There’s a difference.

Is your mouth dry? Not right now, no.

Do yoou have any scars from an animal? Yeah I’ve got a few marks and scratches from Cooper. I never run out of them, really.

Did you have fun with this survey? It was okay.

Was it random enough? Sure.

#survey #surveys

14 notes · View notes

atelier-dayz · 4 years

Note

⭐star⭐

The Patching Up Scene! 8D

After they hand off an excited Skywalker to the pilots in the cockpit, Jango isn’t completely sure why he follows Kenobi, though part of it is curiosity and another part practicality. Kenobi shoots him a questioning look when they reach his quarters.

“Do you need help with some of those wounds?” he offers. There’s one he can see, wrapping around Kenobi’s right side to his back. Jetii powers or not, he doubts Kenobi can treat it properly on his own.

“Oh…” Kenobi hesitates for a moment, but ultimately nods. “Yes, please, if you don’t mind.”

Okay, I honestly did not plan for this scene to happen! It just naturally happened, the next logical thing. Obvs Jango likes Obi, but also after a battle, you patch up your fighters. Nothing to question about it. *nods*

Between the two of them, they gather up the ship’s medkit, a small basin for the antiseptic wash, and a few scraps of clean cloth, before returning to the jetiise’s room.

The moment Kenobi unties his belt and starts unwrapping his tabard and tunics, sand begins skittering to the floor. Jango eyes the growing pile, thankful it isn’t his problem to clean up.

“Shouldn’t have laid down in the sand. You’ll be getting rid of it for days,” he says, and Kenobi shoots him a weak glare.

“I was tired,” Kenobi grumbles. “Besides, sand gets everywhere anyways.”

Kenobi strips down to his smalls with all the modesty -- or rather, lack thereof -- of a warrior who has been in front of too many medics. The myriad of scars of different ages on his body is certainly evidence of that. Jango is still baffled, because he’s fairly sure jetiise were less...careless with their padawans than that, but he saves those questions for later.

Obi’s childhood, man...and the scars you see are only the ones on the outside.

The wounds from the darjetii, now fully visible, makes Jango want to hiss in sympathy. Kenobi has two shallow burns on his left arm and one on his right forearm to join the old jetii’kad scars. But the Zabrak had cut deep into Kenobi’s right upper arm. Jango couldn’t quite see bone, but Kenobi is kriffing lucky to not have any nerve damage - at least, not that he could tell. Other than the wound that wraps around Kenobi’s side that he’d noted earlier, the last is a slash across the side of his left thigh, not as deep as the ugly one on his arm but deep enough.

I imagine some of the old lightsaber sabers came from too many tussles with Bruck.

You’ve got some pretty important nerves and arteries in your upper arm ie the radial nerve LOL The outer side of your thigh, not as much, hence the instructions for epipen injections to be given against the side of your thigh. 8D /random trivia

He’s honestly impressed that Kenobi could walk or move his arms so freely, much less continue fighting the way he had.

“Well, at least you’re not bleeding,” is all Jango can say.

Hurraaay instant cauterization (oof the burned tissue though)

Kenobi grimaces and sits himself down on the bunk they’d set the supplies on.

“Painkillers?” Jango asks, opening the medkit.

Kenobi shakes his head. “I’m alright for now. Perhaps before I sleep,” Kenobi says. “The Force helps me dull the pain.”

Jango huffs. More jetii sorcery, though that explains a lot.

He finds the antiseptic wash and pours it into the basin over the cloth they’d collected. They clean their hands, and Kenobi starts wiping clean his left arm, careful over the burns.

I almost glossed over this stuff, but it pained me to not mention CLEAN HANDS. Clean hands during wound care, folks. I restrained myself from having them dig out gloves or something LOL

“I’ve got your side,” Jango warns Kenobi, before pressing a dampened cloth to his right side. He starts cleaning the wound from Kenobi’s front before moving to his back.

Jango should have expected it, but somehow he hadn’t. Up close, he sees barely-there Lichtenberg scars that he’s seen before on others, from electro-jabbers held too long against skin. He also sees whip scars across Kenobi’s upper back, faded enough for Jango to tell he had gotten them far too young.

The slave guards on Bandomeer, to quote, “beat them savagely with an electro-jabber.” I imagine prolonged contact with an electro-jabber would lead to injury and scarring like you’d see in a lighting strike but smaller/more localized. (Note: Some caution if you google what it looks like!)

“How old were you?” he can’t help himself from asking, but managing at least to keep the words less sharp than he had wanted.

“What?” Kenobi starts to twist to look at him but thinks better of it.

Jango brushes a hand along one of the whip scars instead of explaining, and Kenobi stiffens for a moment, before relaxing. He moves on to cleaning his leg wound, and Jango thinks he might not answer, which is fair. Jango resumes cleaning the side wound.

“I was just shy of thirteen," Kenobi suddenly says. "Deepsea mining on Bandomeer."

Jango curses under his breath and has to keep himself from inadvertently pressing too hard on Kenobi’s wound.

Thirteen, as a mining slave. A deepsea mining slave.

Every slave knows that deepsea mining is the one of the worst positions to be in. The life expectancy is five to ten years maximum. Kriffing hell, some slavers use deepsea mining as a threat to make their slaves behave.

This I unfortunately based on what I learned about slavery on sugar cane plantations in the (American) South. Being sent South, to a sugar cane plantation, was a threat (Northern) slave owners would use to make their slaves behave. Life expectancy decreased dramatically if you were working on a sugar cane plantation. (If you’re in New Orleans for tourist purposes, many people recommend Oak Alley Plantation. But that’s because it’s very pretty. It glosses over its history of slavery though, and its tour focuses on the owners. Please go visit Whitney Plantation too. They do not gloss over the history and all the awful things that happened there. The tour guides are phenomenal, and you learn a lot from them.)

"It was only for a week, but it was long enough to...understand," Kenobi murmurs.

Long enough for him to have scars to this day. To say nothing about however it must have kriffed him up at thirteen.

"One day would have been too long," Jango growls. "Where was your jetii master in all this?"

He gestures roughly at Kenobi’s right arm, and Kenobi holds out his arm for Jango. Jango begins carefully cleaning around the deep wound.

“He wasn’t my master then,” Kenobi says. “To make a long and rather complicated story short, I had been sent away to AgriCrops on Bandomeer as a--failed initiate, and got myself involved in Master Qui-gon’s mission on Bandomeer. I discovered Offworld Mining tampering with AgriCorps and was captured...I woke up as a slave on one of their deepsea mining platforms.”

Even that sparse a recounting is too much to unpack. But foremost on his mind, the jetiise had sent Kenobi away to be a farmer? With everything Kenobi has said and especially considering the duel Jango had just witnessed...had they been blind? If there is such a thing as a good jetii, Kenobi is likely it.

👀👀👀 @ Jango

“How’d you get out?” Jango asks.

“Master Qui-gon found me. He disabled my collar, and we escaped the guards. We managed to disable the other slaves’ collars once we were on the mainland as well. They revolted and freed themselves,” Kenobi says with a small quirk of his lips.

Jango grunts in approval. “Good on them.” He drops his cloth into the basin. “Let’s get patches on your burns and your side. Your arm definitely needs stitches. It’s up to you on the leg.”

Kenobi looks at his leg wound thoughtfully. “Are there any of those deep incision BactaBonds?” he asks. “If not, then stitches will do.”

Mentioned it on AO3, but I based BactaBond off of Dermabond. it’s Dermabond but more magical because bacta.

Jango pulls out all the bacta patches they’ll need for Kenobi’s burns and side wound before digging around the kit. Sure enough, he finds a tube of BactaBond and the roll of mesh tape that came with it.

“You’re in luck.”

He hands the BactaBond and the mesh tape to Kenobi. Kenobi nods in thanks and begins fixing up his leg wound. Jango starts placing patches over the wound wrapping around his side.

Okay, so I want to note that when you have burnt up tissue, you’re supposed to remove the dead tissue when cleaning up burns because that dead tissue isn’t gonna do you much, but I didn’t want to get more detailed than I already was, and I decided to just...handwave it as part of the magical bacta healing effect LOL

They work in silence. Jango knows from experience the BactaBond and mesh tape can be an absolute kriffing pain to apply properly, so he tries not to disturb Kenobi as he finishes patching up his side.

He waits for Kenobi to finish with the mesh tape before handing him some dressing to cover the whole thing. They quickly cover up the burns on Kenobi’s arms with bacta patches before finally addressing the deep cut on his right arm.

“Are you sure you don’t want pain killers?” Jango asks, assessing the wound. It really is a nasty injury. With the BactaBond, he could probably get away with one layer of stitches instead of two or three.

“I will be alright,” Kenobi says again and hands Jango the BactaBond.

Jango grunts. “Suit yourself.”

He applies the BactaBond into the wound before pressing the wound edges firmly together. Kenobi doesn’t even flinch, sitting there quietly with his eyes closed while Jango picks up the suture needle and begins stitching close the wound.

I would like to draw this scene one day. Or someone can draw it for me. LOL

After some consideration, Jango says, “I was sold to a spice transport.” He keeps his focus on closing the wound as tidily as he can, but he can feel Kenobi’s gaze on his face. “I was there for two years.”

"...How did you end up escaping?" he asked.

"Pirates attacked the ship. I freed myself in the confusion and ended up making a deal with the pirates.”

“Quite a few pirates would take the spice and the slaves…” Kenobi remarks.

“I had the upper hand on them. Besides, ‘Hondo Ohnaka would never deal with slavery’,” he quotes, “or so he claims.”

"Ah," Kenobi says in the tone of everyone who has ever met Hondo Ohnaka. Jango pauses in his suturing to look at Kenobi.

"You’ve met."

Kenobi sighs, sounding as exasperated as anyone who has dealt with Ohnaka. “It was a very...trying mission.” He smiles wryly.

HONDO OHNAKA IS A DELIGHT. Also I love the idea that the pirates who attacked that spice transport and gave Jango the opportunity to escape were Hondo’s crew. Idea thanks to blue_sunshine’s Desert Storm.

Also the ways in which Jango and Obi can connect with their experiences. Just aaaaaaah *flailing Kermit*

“I am not surprised.” Jango finishes up the sutures and assesses his handiwork. It’ll do. “Patch or plain dressing on top?” he asks. He thinks plain dressing would do just fine, but the patch might not hurt considering the extent of the wound.

Kenobi gestures to the patch, so Jango applies the patch.

“Done. Listen to Jinn and get some rest. I was tired just watching that fight,” Jango says.

Kenobi gives him a half-hearted glare, but doesn’t make a word in protest as Jango stands and starts collecting all their first aid detritus. Despite his protests, Jango suspects Kenobi’s ready to pass out.

An hour long high speed lightsaber duel in the sand. Can’t believe Obi wasn’t asleep on his feet. LOL

#mand'alor and his jetii #manyangledone #miya replies #director's cut meme

25 notes · View notes

dunadaze · 4 years

Text

letters to a ‘friend’

“That’s dumb, why cant I just text you?”

Kuroo Tetsurou laughed, Kenma noted that his voice held a scratchy tone over the phone. “Because! It’s more fun this way, and plus𑁋” His voice died off, the line broken.

“You cut off.” Kenma Kozume balanced the phone between his shoulder and ear, his focus returned to the computer screen in front of him. “Repeat that last part.” He clicked idly on his computer, changed the features of an online avatar to suit his tastes.

“Sorry, passed through a tunnel.” Kuroo laughed, the person he was with said something to make him laugh harder, and Kenma felt a light twinge of annoyance. He wanted Kuroo to focus on him, after Kenma was the one he was on the phone with. “I won’t have great service up here, but I will have a mailbox.” Kenma huffed and Kuroo continued. “There’s a stationary store right down the street from your house isn’t there?”

“I guess.”

“You can buy envelopes and paper there, I’ll text you the address later.” Kenma could hear a window roll down over the line, could hear a faint that’s cool lookin’ from the other. The man wondered what the other had seen. “I’ll write to you soon, okay?”

“Uh huh.” The phone made a clicking noise, and Kenma recognized it as the sound of the call ending. Kuroo hadn’t said goodbye, and he wondered if it was because of faulty connection or if the man had better things to focus on.

Kuroo had gone to the mountains. The man had taken an interest in Search and Rescue, along with survival education (which Kuroo had focused on last year), while they were in college, and now he had the chance to undergo training to become an officer. He had already completed the basic training, and now he was working to get certified for mountain rescue. The mountains of Yamanashi offered an optimal location to gain experience in rugged terrain. Kuroo had shown Kenma that rundown cabin he’d be staying in while not training, and Kenma couldn’t understand why someone would want to put themself through that for an extended period of time.

He sighed, ran a hand through his hair, he took a strand and inspected it. It was almost completely black again, if he had to go out for letter supplies, the man supposed he could buy more hair-dye as well. Now that Kenma thought about it, he did have a list of groceries that needed picking up. He’d just finish this level first.

🙝

Kenma pops the earbud from his ear while he wanders into the stationary store. He wants to find a worker, wants to find someone who knows what he should get to start writing letters. There was a girl restocking shelves near the front, Kenma walked to her and pondered if he should disturb her, but not before she noticed him. “Oh, hello. Do you need help finding something?” Her voice was cheer-y, Kenma noted, like the sound of sleigh bells ringing.

He gripped the edges of his coat, anxiety simmered in his stomach, “My friend wants to exchange letters, but I’m not sure what to get.” Kenma had written many business letters, but those were easy, just paper and a neat, white envelope. From what he had seen on Instagram posts and Pinterest boards, letters to a penpal had cutesy designs and a myriad of contents.

“Oh, a penpal!” She cocked her head, thinking. “I’ve had lots of those! I’ll help you choose some stuff. May I ask you to describe this person? We have lots of different styles of stationary, so I can find what best suits your needs based on what kind of person you’re writing too.” She stood and gestured for Kenma to follow her. They walked to the front of the store and the worker, who Kenma noticed was named Tohru, placed a basket in Kenma’s arms. “First you’ll need stamps! How far is this person and how often will you be writing to them?”

“About an hour and a half away by car.” Kenma clicked his tongue. “I’ll write,” he paused, “once a week, maybe? I can always come back if I run out of something. I’ll write for a couple of months.”

“Of course!” She placed two booklets of stamps in his basket, each stamp had a vintage sort of design with a cat printed on it. “That should be more than enough.” Tohru pointed at the shirt he wore, a cat from some anime he watched as a child, “Sorry, I assumed you would like the cat ones! We have others if you’d prefer?”

Kenma waved his hand in the air, “No, they’re cute.” He flipped through the booklet, his eyes found a few with black cats and red borders, he’d use those first, they reminded him of Kuroo. “Now what?”

“Well, you can describe this person, and I’ll pick out some paper, envelopes, and other things to fill the letter with?” She phrased it like a question and Kenma nodded his head in agreeance.

Describe Kuroo? There were so many ways Kenma could describe Kuroo. He could describe the way Kuroo scrunched up his nose when he studied, or the way he liked his coffee with whipped cream. He could talk about how Kuroo was charismatic and made Kenma’s heart race. He settled on, “It’s my childhood friend, someone I’m still very close to. Well, actually he might be the person I’m closest to.” Kenma shuffled his feet, twiddled with the cord of his headphones. “He likes dogs, the color red, volleyball, and the beach.” Kenma could go on and on, he knew Kuroo like the back of his hand.

Tohru’s face lit up, “I see, I think I have just the thing!”

🙝

Mocha, Kenma’s cat, wound around his ankles as he stepped into his flat. Her fur tickled at the skin above his socks, “Alright, come on. I’ll get your dinner ready.” She was only ever this loving when she wanted something, Kenma had noticed, and he quickly filled the pink-princess bowl with a scoop of kibble.

The loot from the day was placed on the counter, forgotten for a moment as Kenma reheated leftovers from the night before, remembered again when the man realized the groceries needed to be put away. Kuroo had sent the address while Kenma was out shopping, the location was jotted down on a sticky note and placed onto the corner of Kenma’s fridge, the brightly colored paper seemed to blend in seamlessly among the vibrant pamphlets and drawings from his nephew that adorned the surface of the refrigerator.

In his office, Kenma dumped the contents of the supplies he’d bought for the letters. With Tohru’s advice, the man had drifted into a few other shops on his way home and retrieved tiny trinkets and compact things to put in the envelope along with his letter. His desk was slowly lost in a sea of decorated paper and miscellaneous objects, an ocean of vibrant hues that filled Kenma’s gray office with a touch of life.

A pen found its way into Kenma’s hands, twirled around idly as the man thought about what to write. He stared boredly at the open google tab on the computer screen, a website that detailed fifty things to tell your penpal, and settled on the suggestion of “What you’re currently seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting, and feeling.” He had fun, writing the letter, and Kenma could only hope this would captivate his attention for more than a couple weeks. He hated being bored, after all.

🙝

Dear Kuro,

I’m sitting in my office now, I’ve made a mess. I think I bought too much for these letters, I talked to a worker at the stationary store and got carried away. I can see the sun setting outside the window, Mocha is sitting there trying to sun in the last light. I can smell that air freshener thing you plugged in the living room, it makes the whole house smell like rain. It smells like you, a bit earthy. I can hear the hum of my computer, the sound of cars passing outside, the tick of the clock on the wall, my breathing. I can’t really taste anything, but I ate the leftover spaghetti we got, so I guess I can taste that. Feel? I can feel the pen in my hand, I can feel the chair and floor under me. I can feel the air conditioning, I can feel the ache in my knee𑁋 it’s going to rain soon. How’s the mountains?

𑁋 Kenma

Dear Kenma,

I like this prompt! I’m taking a break for lunch now, leaning against a tree and smiling at the drawing of mocha you sent. I can see trees, of course, they’re all around me. I can see bugs in the grass, my team meandering around, and the big blue sky! You’d hate it here, there’s all kinds of bugs, but I think it would be fun to be out here with you. We could make smores and I could show ya all the cool places I’ve found! I can smell the earth, the smell of flowers in the grass I’m sitting in, and I can smell the campfire from last night that has soaked into my clothes. I can hear birds and the others shouting, there’s a river in the woods behind me, and if I listen closely I can just make out the sound of the water.

I like the sound the cicadas make, it’s relaxing and reminds me of the summer we spent in your grandmother’s cabin. Do you remember how hard you cried when you fell into the lake with your DS? I laughed for days after, and then you scooped mud into my shoes, I thought your grandma would keel over after the shock I gave her when I screamed. As for taste, well, I can taste the sandwich I ate and the chocolate you sent, I fell in training so I can still taste some dirt in my mouth. I can feel the grass under me, and the bark that’s biting into my back. Oh! I can feel all the aches and pains that I’ve gotten from training, my poor body is battered to hell. I love the mountains, though, they’re so beautiful and freeing. I feel like I can finally breathe, away from the city air, I just wish you were here with me. They all make fun of me, you know, for talking about you so much. Give Mocha a pet for me.

𑁋Yours, Kuroo

Kuro,

The flower you sent was nice, it looked like a Warm Safflina from BotW. I put it in one of your textbooks, I’ll let you figure out which one. Shouyou texted me that he was in town, we played volleyball (what else do I do when he’s here?) at the park. The one with the sand court. I do remember the cabin incident, but I’d prefer not to think about it. It’s embarrassing. Are you being careful enough? Last time you had training, you didn’t get hurt. Is it because of the terrain difference? Please don’t die, I’d be lonely and there would be no one to force to go to crowded events for me. I redid my hair (I sent a picture), it’s all blonde now but I added some highlights. I saw a tutorial on youtube that looked challenging, so I wanted to try it. Do you miss volleyball? Or did you bring your ball with you? It’s getting quiet in the house without you, I’m not lonely, but I do miss the noise you’d make. It’s comforting. I might go stay with Shouyou for a bit, he moved into an apartment in the city. I could get some holiday shopping done there, and visit the Pokemon center. I hope you don’t have too many bugbites.

𑁋Kenma

Dear Kenma,

I did bring my ball, but they all suck at volleyball! No one has ever played before, I might go crazy if I can’t get a spike in soon. If you go into the city, get me more of that coffee I liked from Harajuku (Please!). I have a lot of bugbites, more than I can count. I am incredibly itchy, and I am extremely envious of you and your fancy air conditioning. I won’t die, but I can’t promise I won’t break a bone. The mountain is unpredictable, I find myself sliding down it frequently. Your hair looks cute, it suits you, pudding head. Did it grow a lot longer? It seems longer. I like it, keep it long until I get back. I want to feel it, I bet it’s soft, since you use that expensive shampoo. I’ll be back before you can even miss me, and I promise to be careful. (Sorry for the short letter, we’re getting ready to camp on top of the mountain for a couple nights and I didn’t have much time to write. Stay safe.)

𑁋Yours, Kuroo

Kuro,

Camping? I hope you’re not using the sleeping bag from your garage, I noticed it had holes in it. I did go to the city, Shouyou and I are going to get kimonos and spend a day in Harajuku, I’ll make sure to get your coffee. I’m staying for a week, Mocha will be with my sister. The train ride into the city was nice, watching the scenery race by outside has a very calming effect. I talked to one of my subscribers, they recognized me in a Starbucks, and we did a Pokemon Go raid together. I caught a shiny Rayquaza. Someone on the train had a pet squirrel on their shoulders, it wore a little cowboy hat and ate a nut from my hand. I took a picture, but you’ll have to wait because I couldn’t find a place to print it. For now I just doodled one on a post-it-note. Shouyou really liked this idea (of doing letters) and I think he might send one to his friend (boyfriend?) Miya. Shouyou lights up when he talks about the guy, his eyes get this distant look and I think he really loves him. Is that what I look like when I talk about you play video games? I miss you, I’m bored when you’re not here. Tell them to hurry the training up. (Just kidding…) Have fun camping.

𑁋Kenma

Dear Kenma,

I’m sending you a piece of petrified wood I found, I figured you’d like it since you enjoy collecting things. I wish I could’ve gone with you to the city, it sounds like you’re having a lot of fun. I learned how to track someone who fell in the river, I’m having a lot of fun learning all of this. Some guy who teaches survival education drove up to the cabin to give us lessons for a few days. It’s really making me think about what I want to do with my life. I think I could help a lot of people with the path I’m starting. I could save people. I don’t think I have enough courage to tell you this face to face, but I’ve been talking to one of my fellow trainees that knows of a house for sale. It’s right outside a big national park, in a rural area, and from what they said I think I might check it out when training is over. I’m not saying anything is finalized yet, but it would mean a lot if you came with me.

How was the Pokemon Center? Did you find that rowlet plush you wanted? There’s a little calico cat that has started hanging around the cabin. She was a bit cold at first, but after some buttering up (lots of scraps from my lunch) she let me pet her. Remind you of anyone? Tonight we’re having a cookout. Which reminds me, have you been eating okay? I can’t wait to see you again. I keep looking over my shoulder and expecting to see you lagging behind me with your attention on your switch, and it’s so weird when you’re not there. Have fun with Chibi.

𑁋 Yours, Kuroo

Kuro,

Don’t try and distract me with Pokemon questions (but for your information I did find what I wanted). Shouldn’t you have called? You said the connection up there was spotty not nonexistent. I don’t want you to move away from me. Is that selfish? But even if it is, aren’t I allowed to be selfish sometimes? I’m not mad, I’m really not, but I just wonder if you’re being too impulsive. I’m going to drink all the fancy coffee I got you. Out of spite.

𑁋Kenma

Dear Kenma,

Maybe I am being a little rash. I still want to go and look at the house, and you never answered my question. (Will you or will you not come with me to check it out?) The person said it had a good internet connection. Google Kamiichi, Toyama , from what I’ve heard it’s not a bad place. I have more questions to ask you, but let’s wait until we’re face to face, yeah? It’s not selfish, but you had to have known that I couldn’t work part time and live in an apartment forever. We’ll figure it out later. (You better not drink that coffee, pudding-head.)

Today I went out alone for some land navigation. It was very relaxing, the sun was shining and it wasn’t overly hot. I saw some deer, they’re probably my favorite of the animals I stumble across. I like the way they move, ya know? They’re so graceful and fluid, and quick as hell. And the way they stare at you when they see you, it’s such a human characteristic. The ones I saw today were a mother and her two fawns, they still had their spots! I watched them for the better half of an hour until I had to get up, of course when I moved they bolted. I’m trying to find antlers that they shed, but I’ve had no luck so far. I want something cool to remind me of my time here, and so far I only have a shit ton of feathers.

𑁋Yours, Kuroo

Kuro,

Okay, I’ll wait to talk to you in person. Don’t make me wait too long? How much time was there left anyways? Another month? I got back home alright and picked up Mocha. She was happy to come home, she even slept on my chest last night. It was hard to breathe, but it was cute so I didn’t push her off. I played through the new Fire Emblem and did a stream. Things with the company are going well too, I have a business event, though, and I have to dress formally. The dress shoes I usually wear broke, so I’m gonna go to your apartment and take yours. I’ll stuff them with newspaper so they fit. I’ll water your cactus. When I woke up there was a centipede in the shower, I reached for my phone to call you before I realized. Luckily it was small enough for Mocha to eat. She’s my knight in shining armor, you’ve been replaced. I’ll send some more candy, hope it doesn’t melt too much.

𑁋Kenma

Dear Kenma,

Awe, did you have to deal with a bug by yourself? I do hope it didn’t cause your heart too many problems. At least Mocha was there, huh? Thanks for watering the cactus, honestly I forgot about that. Take my succulents home with you when you return my shoes, if they aren’t dead. I got the candy, the chocolate was reduced to liquid so I just put in some cocoa. The sour things were good, send more of those. We worked on evacuation today, I had to carry someone over my shoulder. I’m gonna be ripped when I come back, they were heavy. I got one of the girls to start playing volleyball, and she really liked it. She’s been playing setter, she’s not as good as you of course, but she’s not bad. It’s nice to be able to unwind with a game at the end of the day.

It should be about three more weeks now. How about you come pick me up? You can take my jeep, it’s in the parking garage on the second floor. Keys should be on the living room table (or maybe I left them on the couch?). She’s got a full tank, so it should be good to go. I wrote down the directions for you to find the base of the mountain I’m at. If not, I’ll just have Sato drive me home. No worries.

𑁋Yours, Kuroo

Kuro,

No. I can drive, don’t ask Satoshi. I can’t promise there won’t be any new dents, though. I got all your plants and put them on my window ledge. I cooked an actual meal last night, turns out I’m okay at making omurice. You should be proud. The business event went alright, I had to give a speech and I think it was okay. I watched the new Digimon. For some reason it made me really depressed. It’s about all the kids finally growing up, it was bittersweet. I think I got sad because it reminded me about the times we would watch it as kids. You would sit beside my bed awkwardly (you were so odd at first) and I would sit on the edge of my bed. We would open the window and turn the fan on high because summers were so hot. Mom didn’t like it, but we would sneak ice cream upstairs to eat while we watched. Your favorite was alway Taichi, because he was the main character. You always picked the main character as your favorite. And you’d make fun of me for liking Izumi. I wish you would have watched it with me, but I’ll sit through it a second time for you. Don’t get too close to any girls.

𑁋Kenma

Dear Kenma,

If you were more patient when it came to those things we could have watched it together the first time. And hey, the main characters were always so cool, can you really blame me? If you dent my baby, you're gonna pay to have em smoothed out. You actually cooked? I’ll have to have some of your omurice when I get back. Did they video your speech? I’m totally watching it when I come back. Don’t worry, the girl playing setter has no interest in men. Scared someone would steal me away?

We did high angle drills today. How do I say I skinned my back without causing you distress? I probably shouldn’t have taken my shirt off, but listen, it was so hot. And how was I supposed to know there were so many brambles? Anyways, it’ll probably scar a bit, but one of the supervisors is a medic so it’s no biggie. I’ll have you know, I didn’t quite. I climbed that damn hill bruised and bloody, call me anything but a quiter. Only two weeks left! See you soon.

𑁋Yours, Kuroo

Kuro,

I told you to be careful. I’m not gonna hug you if you’re all scabby. Don’t let it get infected, I know you like to show off, but please don’t overdo it. I’m not scared of someone stealing you away. I was just joking. (I already have you in my grasp anyways.) I took your car out early to practice. I haven’t driven in a while. I think I’ll take the back roads, switching lanes in heavy traffic gives me anxiety. Do you expect me to drive back? This letter is short, I had to go into the office at work and I haven’t had time to sit down for long.

𑁋Kenma

Dear Kenma,

Hope everything’s alright at work. Make sure you’re sleeping, and eating, enough. What’s this about already having me in your grasp? Is that your way of asking me out? We’ve been dancing around it for so long, I honestly don’t know what to write. If that is your way of asking me out, then of course my answer is yes. But, I thought I would be the one to ask. That’s so unfair! I was gonna plan something cool. Although, a declaration of love via a letter is romantic. I feel like I’m a soldier off to war and you, a humble village dweller, has gifted me his heart.

I’ll drive back, don’t worry. The next letter will be the last one, can you believe that? I think we had something cool goin’ on. We’ll definitely have to do this again if one of us has to go away for something. I can’t wait to see you again.

𑁋Yours, Kuroo

Kuro,

This is so embarrassing. And it’ll be even more embarrassing when we have to talk face to face. I’ll just save myself the shame and talk to you when I see you next. If you wanted to be the one to ask me out you should’ve done it sooner. See you.

𑁋Kenma

Dear Kenma,

Oya oya? You’re embarrassed? It’s just me, and this was inevitable anyways. I’m packing up right now. I had to borrow a shopping bag from someone to hold all of the trinkets you sent. I won’t get rid of a single one. I’m thinking about how hard I’m going to hug you when I see you again. Better prepare yourself!

𑁋Yours Always, Kuroo

🙝

Kenma placed the letter in the backseat. He hadn’t read it until he arrived at the base of the mountain, he had been too nervous of what was written inside of it. He let his head rest against the steering wheel, sweat made his skin stick to the leather and tangled his hair on his forehead.

It was hot, too hot. Kenma didn’t own any tank tops, he had taken one from Kuroo’s closet. The man hoped Kuroo wouldn’t mind, he was sweating a lot. Cicadas hummed in the distance, occasionally cars would pass behind him. Kenma had parked in a designated lot for hikers, he wondered if the welcome center had a vending machine.

The heat was enough to lull him into sleep, but as much as Kemna wanted to, he had to stay awake. He turned the AC on high, let it blow sweat slicked hair from his face. His foot shook in nervous anticipation, his hands grasped at the seat below him.

A knock on the window pulled the man from his heat-induced daze. “Kenma!” Said person unlocked the door and slipped from the driver’s seat. Kuroo stood with a backpack clasped in his hand, his hair tied back from his face with a red bandana.

“Hey.” Kenma opened the back doors of the car, took the bag from the other man and threw it in the seat. “I missed you.” He scuffed his feet on the ground, unsure of what he should do.

Kuroo smiled, smiled that lazy smile that made Kenma feel warm inside. “I missed you too, Rapunzel.” He gestured to Kenma’s hair, now past his shoulders and kept a dirty blonde. “You didn’t tie it up?” He ran a hand under Kenma’s hair, lifted it from the back of the shorter’s neck. “Aren’t you hot?”

At once Kenma was a million times warmer, a light pink dusted across his cheekbones. “It doesn't make much of a difference.” The man shrunk away from Kuroo’s touch and slipped into the passenger side seat. “How’s your back?”

“Want to see?”

“Not particularly.” Kenma added on, “Maybe when we’re back at your apartment.”

“I think we’re dancing around a certain subject.”

The singsong note in Kuroo’s voice lessened Kenma’s nerves a bit, but they were still there. Still in his stomach flying around like butterflies. “I𑁋”

“I love you, Kenma. I have for a while now.” Kuroo hadn’t looked at him when he said that, kept his eyes forwards and hands gripped at the steering wheel. “Let’s go out.”

“I feel the same way, of course.” Kenma’s heart fluttered in his chest, butterfly nerves now the wings of happiness. “I want to date you. I hope I don’t disappoint.”

And then Kuroo’s hands cradled Kenma’s face between them. “You could never disappoint me.” He manhandled Kenma so that their foreheads touched, “I thought we would never do this.”

“Do what?”

“Admit that we’ve been pining.”

They didn’t say anything, let themselves bask in the closeness of the other. Kenma was content, overjoyed at the attention he received. And when Kuroo pressed their lips together, Kenma lost himself to the other man. Kissing Kuroo was like drinking coffee while watching a rain storm. It was impossibly warm, and tasted familiar. Kuroo’s kiss was tumultuous and strong, strong enough to render Kenma speechless. It was an addiction, something Kenma wanted more and more of.

Their teeth clacked together as they seperated. Kenma let his eyes fall closed. He liked the way Kuroo smelled, like the earth and pine. He was a comfortable warmth against Kenma’s skin, despite the heat of the outside. Kenma pressed closer, “Let’s go home.”

Home. They didn’t have a location that was home, yet. Kenma’s flat was far too cold, too gray, without Kuroo’s vibrancy. Kuroo’s apartment was barely inhabited, he wasn’t one to spend time indoors often, the room was a little more than a big bedroom. Now Kuroo wanted to move away, but Kenma had a feeling that he would be tagging along to this new place. After all, Kuroo had mentioned a good internet connection. That was enough for Kenma to deduce that he wanted Kenma to come live with him.

No, they did not have a physical home. After all, any place the two of them were together was already home enough.

#haikyuu #kenma #kenma kozume #haikyuu kuroo #kuroo tetsurou #kuroken #kuroo x kenma #letter format))

42 notes · View notes

signsofsam · 4 years

Text

9-1-1 Week, Day Five: Your Light, It Follows Me in Darkness

“Daddy says sometimes crying is the only thing that helps,” Chris says, patting Buck’s arm. “I can give you a hug, if you want? Daddy also says I give special, cry-helping hugs.”

And oh god, something twists in Eddie’s heart as Buck nods, sniffling as Chris’ arms squeeze around the man’s broad shoulders, his small hand rubbing Buck’s back, just like his dad does when he isn’t feeling well. Chris figures it always makes him feel better, and he wants Buck to feel better, too, so he also whispers his dad’s magic words: “You’re gonna be okay, kid. Just cry it out; I’ll be here when you need me.”

Prompt: “It’s okay, you can cry” + comfort

AO3 Link Here

Continuation of Day 3′s story

Title is from Like a River Runs by Bleachers, though I have the Sia version of the song in my head.

Translations according to Google Translate (if it’s wrong, let me know and I’ll fix!)

Deja de ser un cobarde-Stop being a coward

Consíguelo-Get it together.

Eddie hangs out in the hallway outside Buck’s hospital room for longer than he should, pacing back and forth, just trying to figure out what exactly he’s supposed to say to his highschool boyfriend that isn’t blabbing out “I still love you.” They’ve both grown up, changed, and Eddie has some major baggage in the form of a son and a dead ex-wife and Buck...well, Buck’s been gone for seven years.

So yeah, they’ve both changed, and maybe they’ve grown apart? They’ve probably grown apart, because they're different people than they were in high school, right?

But all Eddie can think about is how his heart started hammering in his chest when he saw Buck’s Jeep in the ditch, memories creeping into his head, of spending the summers after his sophomore and junior year in that Jeep, cruising around town and finding new spots to make out, heady nights where he and Buck used the back to figure out where the limits between making out and going all the way blurred. Memories of Buck driving him to school, kissing sweetly in the parking lot, of Buck handing him his baseball stuff in the spring, and of one epic fight the night after graduation, when Buck told him he was leaving.

And then Eddie left, too, signed up for the Army to do something with his life.

Then came Shannon, and then Chris, and both of them trying to make their hasty marriage and small family work until it didn’t and Eddie ran away, back to Afghanistan.

And then came the incident in the desert that earned him his Silver Star, a medical discharge, a few scars, a roaring case of PTSD, and his wife abandoning him and their disabled child.

But, for all her faults, Shannon leaving (and her death a few months later) was the kick in the butt he needed to piece his life back together. He got himself into therapy, took Abuela’s offer for a place to stay and help with Chris, and found his way back to Bobby.He’d become a firefighter, and he was pretty damn good at his job. He made a life he was mostly proud of back in LA.

But still no Buck, until last night, that fateful night.

Maybe it’s a sign?

If only he would walk into the hospital room and see.

“Deja de ser un cobarde,” he mutters, hands sliding through his hair, tightening in it in frustration. “Consíguelo, Edmundo.”

Finally, after another deep breath in and out to calm his nerves before they get the better of him yet again, he steps into the room. Buck’s asleep, and all the build-up Eddie’s gone through to get to this point now feels a little ridiculous, but Bobby smiles at him, stuffing a bookmark in the book he was reading. “He’s still sleeping off all the drugs from surgery and his concussion, so he’s been in and out all day.”

“How is he?”

“It’s gonna be a long road, but the doc’s pretty hopeful he’ll make a full recovery. You want to sit with him?” When Eddie blinks, frowning, Bobby stands. “I need to take a walk and get some coffee and call Athena anyway; you’d really be doing me a favor.”

“Only if I’m not disturbing you.” He sinks into the chair, and Bobby smiles at him again, glancing back at Buck. “Do I-if he wakes?”

“He can have the ice chips. It’s taking him a few minutes to really figure out where he is, so just give him a little time.” Bobby pats Buck’s shoulder, keeping away from the cast, and then squeezes Eddie’s shoulder as he turns to leave. “I’m really glad you’re here, Eddie. He’s going to be really glad you’re here.”

“Yeah, I hope so.”

And then Bobby leaves, and it’s just Eddie and Buck, and Eddie...he can’t sit here and wait.

The silence is overwhelming.

“I don’t really know what I’m doing here, Buck. We-we’ve been apart a long time, and there were so many days that I just wanted to call, to talk to you. I wanted to call you when Shannon told me she was pregnant, and when Chris...he has cerebral palsy, but Buck? He’s this amazing little human that came from some part of me that is just good and wholesome and he thinks the entire world is his sandbox and I love him for it. He’s a godsend, he really is.”

And from there, it gets easier. Eddie talks about his parents, about the struggle to keep Chris, to make them see that he could be a good parent, about how Abuela was a saint and how he’d finally found something he loved nearly as much as he loved being a soldier. He gets so lost in the mindless babble that he jumps when Buck whispers, “you’re here.”

He’s blinking owlishly at Eddie, and Eddie smiles at him, gently carding his fingers through Buck’s hair. “Hey, you.”

“I...I left you. I….I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to think about that right now, Buck. You’re hurt; you just need to think about getting better.”

“But you...you aren’t going? You’ll...you’ll be here.”

“Yeah, Buck, I’ll be here.”

--//--//--

“So...so you knew Buck in high school?”

“You know how daddy likes boys and girls?” Chris nods, his eyebrows furrowing as he looks up at his dad. They’re making their slow way down the hallway of the hospital. “Well, in high school I really liked Buck, but he was also my best friend.”

“But I’ve never met him?”

“We haven’t spoken in awhile. He had things he had to do, on his own. But that doesn’t mean that he’s not an important person to me. And I want you to meet him because he’s pretty amazing.”

“Did you love him before you loved Mommy?”

“I was a teenager, so I don’t know if it was exactly love, but...yes, he was the person I cared about most before I met your mom, before you came along to take that crown.” Chris grins up at him, before focusing on his walking; the best thing about LA is the amount of highly qualified therapists that he’s found for Chris, ensuring his son has the best advantages for learning to cope with his disability. Walking with the help of his crutches was one of the many things they’d been working on, and though sometimes he wobbled just a bit, his son was an absolute champ who insisted that he could do it by himself, he could walk on his own, he didn’t need anyone’s help up Abuela’s not-so-steep front porch step. I got it, Dad seems to be his favorite words at the moment.

God, Eddie loves his kid more than words could express.

They get to Buck’s room and the door is open, and Eddie can hear Bobby and Buck talking inside, though it may be edging closer to an argument. He knocks on the door, and both of them jump; they’re both clearly irritated, and Buck’s eyes seem to be brimming in tears. “I didn’t mean to interrupt, but-”

“I need to take a walk anyway,” Bobby cuts in, pushing himself out of his seat. After a moment, he reaches out to squeeze Buck’s forearm. “Just think about it, okay? That’s all I ask.” He smiles wearily at Eddie as he takes off.

“I don’t have to stay if-”

“No, please, I don’t want to be alone right now. I just...it’s been a long time, and I’ve changed, and everyone else has changed, and I don’t know if Bobby and I can find our way back after everything.”

“Well, I have someone for you to meet, if you’re feeling up to it?” Buck tilts his head, eyebrow arching, curiosity outweighing the sadness for the moment. Eddie smiles as he helps Chris shuffle into the room; Buck’s watching his son with wonder, like he hadn’t quite believed when Eddie told him. “So, Buck, meet Chris. Chris, meet my good friend, Buck.”

“You said he was your best friend, Dad,” Chris corrects him, as he motions for his dad to pick him up. Eddie waits for Buck’s nod before he hauls his son onto the bed, taking Chris’ crutches and setting them at the side. “And if you’re Dad’s best friend, then we have to be friends too, Bucky.” He offers his hand out to Buck, and Eddie can see Buck’s lip wobble as he takes Chris’ small hand as gently as he can, shaking it. “It’s nice to meet you, Buck.”

“It’s very nice to meet you, too, Christopher. Your dad’s told me a lot about you these past few days.”

And dang, seeing his son with...whatever Buck is, his friend? his former lover? his first love? (friend. Eddie is sure that Buck is still his friend.) brings Eddie such joy, his past and his present colliding and maybe (hopefully) molding his future with both of them, together. Chris is talking softly, taking Buck’s whole attention, so Eddie steps out to quickly grab Chris a juice and track down a red jello for Buck. It’s maybe five or six minutes, but when he steps back through the doorway, Buck’s got tears streaming down his face, shaky breaths coming out, and his son, his beautiful, amazing, wonderful son, is talking.

“It’s okay, you can cry. Daddy says sometimes crying is the only thing that helps,” Chris says, patting Buck’s arm. “I can give you a hug, if you want? Daddy also says I give special, cry-helping hugs.”

He steps back out of the doorway, giving them a few moments in this moment for them together, until he hears Chris say something, too soft for Eddie to understand, but it makes Buck laugh.

That’s perfect timing.

Buck smiles brightly at him, still a bit red-eyed. “Thank you for coming. And thank you for bringing him, Eddie. I...I really appreciate it.” He turns his smile to Chris. “I appreciate you. I was feeling a little down in the dumps, and you made it all better. You really do give special, cry-helping hugs. You’re like a real-life Superman.”

It takes time; their problems don’t just get solved in a day, a week, even a month, despite Chris’ cry-helping hugs that he gives out frequently. There’s a rough night about two months after the hospital when Buck shows up, saying he needs his Superman, and Eddie lets him in with no comment, and let’s Buck help with Chris’ nighttime routine, and watches as Chris squeezes Buck tight just before he goes to bed. They themselves has an argument three months in, about high school, and why Buck left, and why didn’t you fucking come back? Eddie shouts as Buck leaves, following it up with a snappy that’s right; run away from all the people who care about you once again! They fight, and make up, and Buck builds his life in LA once again. He’s looking into college classes, or maybe even the fire academy (“Bobby told me he’s proud of me no matter what; I haven’t had anyone tell me they were proud of my life decisions since I was eighteen,” Buck tells Eddie one late night, well after Chris has gone to bed and they’re both nursing a single beer).

It’s six months later, when they’re out at the park and Buck and Eddie are still dancing around each other in the flirty will they, won’t they dance they’ve been doing for months, Chris will roll his eyes and mutter, “why don’t you just kiss already?”

They’ll both blush, but Buck’s eyes will be glittering with amusement as he answers, “well, not only do you have the best cry-helping hugs, but you also have all the bright ideas, Superman,” and pulls Eddie into a second first kiss.

#my writing #9-1-1 #911 #9-1-1 fanfiction #911 fic #911week2020 #ao3 fanfic #ao3 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #christopher diaz is the best #To the Rhythm of a Wild Heart series #buddie #Day 5

28 notes · View notes

dickshardblog · 4 years

Text

For Russia With Love: The Tara Reade Story?

There are three women I know of now whose name is pronounced Tar-uh Reed. Tara Reid is an actress who starred in the Sharknado franchise. Tara Reed is an artist and designer. She designed my favorite coffee mug. And now I've learned that there is a Tara Reade, who used to work for Joe Biden.

When I heard about the allegation that Tara Reade made against Joe Biden, I was deeply disturbed. Were Biden's hands on shoulders, close-ear talking, hair petting, and hugs something more than just an overly-affectionate guy with boundary issues and a lack of understanding of personal space? It had always looked uncomfortable, but innocent, to me. And, if it's innocent, I find it strangely endearing, despite the fact that I don't personally like to be touched by strangers.

He's not just overly familiar with females. For every picture of Joe Biden petting a little girl's hair, there's another of him with his arms around a man, gazing into his eyes, or practically kissing his ear. I could do a Google image search and come up with some pretty compelling visual evidence that Joe Biden is in love with several men. He's not. At least, I don't believe so. Some people are huggers. And Joe Biden is a hugger extraordinaire.

I think the world no longer tolerates that, but I also think it is both innocent and changeable behavior. Unlike Trump, Biden does have some sense of self-awareness, can listen to criticism, and make changes.

I'll be honest: I really don't want the allegations to be true. I do have that bias, and I will freely admit it. I always have that bias. No matter who it is. Like any regular person, I don't want sexual assault to happen. I would hope we all have that bias. I hope that none of us would wish a woman had been sexually assaulted so we could have some ammunition against a political opponent. But I know better. There are plenty of people who really hope Biden did exactly what Reade says he did. And we all know it does happen, of course.

Tara Reade's story, when I first heard it, sounded credible. In a public, yet deserted hallway, Biden pinned her to a wall, groped her, kissed on her, and asked if she wanted to go somewhere else. When she reacted negatively, he said, "Come on, Man, I heard you liked me." Shit. That sounds like Joe Biden, I can hear him saying that. So, it sounds bad. I agree that we should listen to women. We should take them seriously. We should look into their allegations and dig until we find the truth. I let other people do the investigative journalism. I found their articles, checked their sources and compiled a pretty decent collection of truths that form a pretty cohesive picture.

Here's the truth that I have found:

In 2009, Reade wrote an article commending Biden's work on the Violence Against Women act. The same year, she wrote another article claiming that she'd left DC because her husband had received a job offer to manage a Congressman's campaign in the Midwest, and she'd moved with him.

From late 2016 to early 2017, she had a Twitter account using her newly married name, Tara McCabe. She used this platform to praise Biden on multiple occasions. She retweeted him saying, "My old boss speaks truth. Listen." This Twitter account also featured a lot of anti-Russia, anti-Putin sentiment.

Then, in 2018, she writes in an Op Ed for Medium which praises Russia and Putin, that she left Washington because she "saw the reckless imperialism of America and the pain it caused through out the world," and because she loved Russia with all her heart. In this article she describes Putin as a "compassionate, caring, visionary leader."

She wrote several pro-Russia, pro-Putin articles during this time, gushing over him, saying, "President Putin has an alluring combination of strength with gentleness. His sensuous image projects his love for life, the embodiment of grace while facing adversity. It is evident that he loves his country, his people and his job … President Putin’s obvious reverence for women, children and animals, and his ability with sports is intoxicating to American women … And like most women across the world, I like President Putin… a lot, his shirt on or shirt off.”

Then in 2019, she's all in for Bernie Sanders. She wrote another article, with yet a different reason for leaving, this one with the harassment allegation attached. "Then, I went to Senate personnel for help. No one helped me. I resigned or I would say, I was forced to resign." The report she says she filed doesn't seem to exist.

When she started attacking Biden publicly, she also resumed denouncing Putin. Putin was bad again. When the media dug up her old articles praising Putin, she deleted them. Too late, of course. They can no longer be found where they were originally published, but copies were made. She now claims they were part of a novel she was writing that was set in Russia. They were clearly op-eds, not notes for a novel. No novelist I know of publishes their novel notes as op-eds while they're working on the book.

There are a whole lot of other inconsistencies, people she says she told about the incident denying any knowledge, her brother pointedly changing his story, an old neighbor of hers coming forward to say she wouldn't trust a word Reade says, and countless other glowing red flags. But this blog is already so very long, and I haven't even gotten to the meat of what I want to talk about yet. This has all just been background, the evidence I followed to form my theory of what is going on with this. And I want to get it down before I read it somewhere else.

I've got a theory! It could be Russia!

Okay, hear me out. Here's what I think might have happened:

Sometime in late 2017 or early 2018, Reade somehow becomes involved in communications with Russia, a political operative, maybe even someone in the government. Hell, perhaps even Putin himself, a highly unlikely prospect, of course. But not outside the realm of possibility. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that Putin maintains a stash of burner phones and carries on flirtatiously with American Women in his spare time. It's the stuff of spy novels, sure. Yeah, it's far-fetched, but allow me my fantastic imaginings. I am a fiction writer, after all.

But a Russian political operative of some kind becomes romantically involved long-distance with Reade. Of course it's not a real relationship, not on the Russian side. They are just using American citizens as sleeper agents they can prompt to stir up shit when it would cause the most damage.

Reade is manipulated to turn against Joe Biden and encouraged to back Bernie Sanders. Now, an aside at this point. I like Bernie. I would vote for Bernie, I'd love to see him as President. I don't believe that Bernie Sanders or his campaign are involved in any collusion with the Russian government in any way, and both he and his campaign openly discourage Russian meddling. None-the-less, there still exists evidence that Russia has interfered in ways favorable to Sanders and his campaign. Russia doesn't want Bernie Sanders as President, but some of Sanders more rabid supporters are very easily influenced by carefully placed fake news stories and are extremely useful at stirring up political infighting on the left. Alright, back to my theory.

At this time, she's also advised to stop praising Russia, so as not to raise any suspicion. And, finally, to drop that allegation bomb on Joe Biden right when it would do the most damage. Hopefully to allow Bernie Sanders to overtake Biden for the nomination, but, failing that, at least send Joe limping into the General.

Yes. In a nutshell, I think the Tara Reade allegation is simply more Russian meddling of the same sort that has been going on all along. I think, in some form or another, she is a Russian agent. Maybe there is no spy novel romance going on. Perhaps she's just being paid. But this whole thing stinks of Russia, and Russia's fingerprints are all over it.

But, hey, what do I know? I'm just a fiction author with a good imagination

#tara reade #joe biden #allegation #metoo #putin #bernie sanders #Russia #russian meddling

34 notes · View notes

somethingmissingthiswaycomes · 4 years

Text

Nightmare time!

I dreamed that, presumably at some point in the future, this thing was developed. An irl character creator. The characters were conscious, living, emotive beings, but they were editable at any point in time. They were also like children They would start out literally as babies, and you had to go through a process with some paperwork and junk, but once you were doing that they were already growing. You had to be there for them in a high-speed childhood so they would see you as their parent and feel cared for—because oh boy, is it easy to forget how fast they grow and miss ten whole years of their life.

Once they're full grown, you can still edit their appearance. How?? Well, all you really have to do is like. gesture. They do it themselves at your input. Because they're not technology, and there's no way to actually control them.

They

Are

Made

Worms

Tapeworms, specifically.

They're a hive mind of tapeworms with a shape-shifting/cloaking ability that let's them look human.

And they can shoot individual tapeworms into other living things, under skin and into plants, because of course they can.

But all you have to do is treat them with love and affection and they won't uhhhh do that?

Yeah, that didn't work out.

The one I made for some ungodly reason felt hurt when she realized I was grossed out by the fact she was made of worms. Her response to that was to try and make it more interesting, useful, good, etc. She showed me that she could absorb information from anything she stuck a worm into. It was just a plant, but I watched stuff slither around under the surface thinking "uhhhhh this thing is dead, oh God, aah" then the worms popped back out and went back into my weird worm child.

She never turned evil this whole time. That's what's most disturbing I think. Nightmarish stuff happened, but all she wanted was to be loved for who and what she was.

Anyway at least one or two worms ended up staying in the plant, which did in fact die, and took on the shape of a... monstrous version of the original plant. These tapeworms grew and reproduced asexually, hense the character created child actually growing, so this new tapeworm plant monster, pressumably mad power hungry on the knowledge that it could not only absorb knowledge, but take over the full body and DNA structure of anything it took over, started shooting out these barbs that would stick in people and, yeah, get under their skin. Eat them from the inside, fill them up with worms, and bam, more of it.

Fucking

Ran

There was no avoiding it. It quickly took over the entire goddamn world.

Now, there was another part of my dream that felt like a whole different thing, but it got mixed up in this bit, so I'll try to explain. The people making these beings knew this could happen. There were different... breeds, or strains, that would just reproduce uncontrollably, and refused to assimilate into a human form. Or any form. I don't think they could. Aaand they couldn't be killed or destroyed... So they were placated. They seemed content to reproduce and then fuse/merge into each other, forming bigger and bigger combined consciousnesses.

They weren't tapeworms btw. Trey looked more like the fluke worms in Hollow Knight, which I just googled and found out are, in real life, another kind of parasite.

Great!

So, somehow, these out of control tapeworm creatures who realize they could do anything they wanted got to the flukeworm masses, and things. kept going.

The government got involved. I saw helicopters and shit. Military stuff. I was running across a field at one point trying to wave down a helicopter because oh God get me off the ground and it — landed on its side, a guy climbed out, and he shot me. I'm not sure why. But I was begging him to NOT shoot me for a second before everything just. ended.

Then I woke up in a horror movie situation with some knowledge about what was going on that I assume got to me through the parasitic nightmares now living in my undead brain.

Any body that was in anyway intact after death (with some really upsetting visuals thanks brain) would never get a break. Ever. The flukeworm/tapeworm nightmare situation had grown into this massive flesh beast, and all of these human bodies, preserved as they are, were swallowed into it and stuck on the walls of the inside, which looked like... just... skin, but with all these broken human bodies spread eagle on the walls, some kind of white filament outlining their little personal bubble.

There was some practical reason for this, but at that point I went "FUCK NO WAKE ME UP" and the dream ended.

There was a point earlier on that I thought was like... another path the dream could take? Or some randomness? But I think it works out better placed in the future.

Half of the entire world was taken up by these giant tubes of flesh. They were conscious, and kept merging into each other, shrinking the overall population but growing each time. There were no individual beings on that half of hhe earth. But these intelligent masses allowed the other half to be left unharmed. There was even a bit where some individual being did somehow develop out of that mess, and they encouraged her to leave because she didn't belong there, rather than,,,, absorbing her. Which they could have.

They were benevolent, apparently. They grew more intelligent as they assimilated more and more beings. As they fused together. I think that was their goal. Become more and more intelligent, more and more conscious, more and more alive.

I think they left/kept the humans alive because the process took so long.

#last night i dreamt #Nightmares #cw body horror #Cw tapeworms #Cw gross #Cw gore #Cw nightmare fuel #Flukeworms #Tapeworms #Parasites #Cw parasites

9 notes · View notes

madtomedgar · 4 years

Note

Ok ok ok... talk to me about....... if you could change one thing about the plot of The Untamed as of now what would you do, why & what outcome might it have / because I’m trash and went google imaging and am sliding with increasing speed towards what I KNOW is gonna be a pit, tell me... what impact do you think lady jiggy would cause? Would things go down similarly??

Ok, I will answer the last one first. The appeal of Lady Jiggy to me is that nothing, absolutely nothing about her plot would need to change at all, it would all just read and hit very differently (better) because now there’s the gender factor. Like. Not to spoil it to much but the way Jiggy kills his dad and treats the sex workers is disturbing, freudian, and creepily sexual in a very particular direction that just makes me shudder. If nothing changed but Jiggy’s gender, that scene is still disturbing and freudian, but the creepy sexual part is transformed for me and it becomes both very distrubing and satisfying in the way that Titus pies are disturbing yet satisfying. The extremely fucked up stuff with Jiggy’s spouse and child, if Jiggy is a woman? FUCK! It makes the character’s professed inability to get out of that situation much more buyable, imo, and makes their relationship dynamic infinitely more fucked up and tragic, if the wife, who has all of the political power but is still a woman in a heterosexual marriage, is the one with the knowledge of who they really are to each other, rather than the one with all the political and gendered power being the one with the knowledge. And Xichen’s horrified exlamation of “But you didn’t have to get her pregnant!” and Jiggy just kind of going “but i did tho” in a way that the audience does not buy would instead be “how could you let yourself get pregnant?” and she just. Looks at Xichen. And they both know exactly how dumb of a thing that was to say. Kind of how changing Hamlet’s gender doesn’t change the plot but hugely changes the play, if that makes sense.

As far as what I would change about the plot, I think the whole first part of the yin iron plot could use a lot of tightening up. It’s confusing and kind of a mess, and like. That’s fine, but it would be better if it made more sense.

Also, I found out today that apparently it is canon that Nie Huaisang manipulated Mo Xuanyu into doing sacrifice/summon, and I think it makes both Nie Huaisang and Mo Xuanyu more interesting if that wasn’t supposed to happen, if Mo Xuanyu was just supposed to be a witness, and then instead of doing the one job he had, he instead summoned the fucking Yiling Patriarch, and Nie Huaisang had to modify his plan from there. Generally, I think puppet-master characters are often written too cleanly to be fun or believable. No one can perfectly predict other people’s actions! We can’t accurately predict the weather, and that effects people’s actions immensely! The mark of a truly great puppet master is one who, when their puppets exercise their pesky free will and threaten to ruin everything, can adapt quickly enough that that doesn’t matter in the long run.

I would also find some way for Wen Qing and/or the Wen refugees (at least some of them!) to survive. Would it be as gut-wrenching? No. Would that make it worse writing? Probably. Would it make me happy? Yeah.

Also, the show had to abide by China’s censorship rules with regards to its gay content, which probably made the writers and actors work harder to make sure that relationship still come through. But. It would have been nice if they kissed.

#untamed stuff #idk how to tag for the jgy plot horrors #the untamed

6 notes · View notes

sciencefictionismyjam · 4 years

Text

Warning for content creators.

Platforms: Their pros and cons.

I have been in a lot of places throughout my young adult life to now, tumblr. twitter, discord, DA, FA a small patreon you name it. I experienced the best and worst of all of them, and I want to make that clear for anyone who thinks about establishing themselves in an alternative environment especially if you are emotionally or mentally vulnerable.

I have deleted most of my outlets over the years for a variety of reasons, but now i’m settling down I feel obligated to share what I learned.

I have used all these places to find community, advice, explore interests, explore fandoms, cope with loneliness and depression, find friends, and mutuals... With equal success and failures, discovering also terrible things along the way...

TUMBLR.

Found friends and communities.

Fairly friendly, fairly easy to use and mostly harmless. Since the NSFW ban things have indeed changed here but to be honest it was probably for the best for reasons that may be obvious below. Though a word of warning, this place is home to a diverse population of people with mental and neurological disabilities like myself, and its very easy to get caught up in the negative behaviours or fall victim to the creative ways users can influence or take advantage of the site to hurt eachother when things go wrong and this happens whether you like it or not. At the end of the day, people form tribes and act selfishly just like in any other social setting, its no different from high school bullying.

Regardless, its a great place to meet people and share content with ease and visibility.

DEVIANTART.

First place I shared my artwork.

A pretty bog standard place to host your artwork. Home to plenty of professionals and a huge majority of students etc, not much to say about it.

I used it in the past, posted really bad artwork and tried to chat to other artists I enjoyed for advice and social with little success (story of my life thank you Aspergers!). If you go there dont expect an audience right away because unless your material is eye catching right out of the gate no one will really care that much.

DISCORD.

Communicate with friends and found/founded communities.

Discord servers represent in the purest sense what happens when you give people overriding powers to create their own social spaces or bubbles. Digital factionalism, Neo nazis and more grow at an alarming rate here... So much so that even the most inclusive or friendly settings are no stranger to exhibiting tribalistic behaviour.

Use it carefully and responsibly.

ARTSTATION.

Used it to share most of my artwork.

Favours the privileged, luckiest and the wealthiest in the art community. This is a home for people who have been lucky enough to enter expensive art schools, been supported well enough to find early career opportunities and have carefully constructed impossible internet personalities.

Its the industry’s hall of fame. This is evident simply upon opening the website in google. Dont expect much of an audience because its a platform that values prestige more than anything else, though dont let that stop you posting regardless.

PATREON.

Run an open donation art sharing outlet.

I would say without any hesitation that this website is now officially compromised as a content delivery system. I once run a small patreon for my old artwork though I intended to delete it and my content in short order since my situation had improved and it made no sense to keep it around, my content was completely free to all and the donations were small. But I had soon come to realise that this infamous “Archive” or glorified torrent site had stolen my material and hosted it on their servers without any ability to delete it just like many others. Unfortunately this is run by infamous crypto currency accepting individuals so no hope of removing it, as they are usually highly abusive and predatory (like most libertarians)... It also does not matter if you paywalled the content, since this is bypassed by a small amount of paying users which share that material to the website which stores the illegal copies on their servers against your will. If you have a dedicated pool of backers you will do just fine, though everything you make will be stolen and hosted there whether you like it or not.

It can be understandable for people wanting to not pay for these things, i’m no stranger to torrented software for example in the past when I had nothing. But its not acceptable when that material becomes extremely personal.

FURAFFINITY.

Where I posted my NSFW art for the first time and made commissions.

Contrary to an assumed popular belief, or expectations. FA is not just a place for furries given that obvious title... Infact art students both in school/self taught, freelance types, and even well known established BioWare concept artists may indeed hang out there. Its a very easy and accessible place to post your artwork or communicate with a diverse people... Unfortunately its been the subject of controversy and upsets for which I unfortunately witnessed and got sick of.

No different than tumblr in that respect...

Its frequently hacked by unsavoury people who dump gore and other illegal imagery on the site to scare people away ,or piss off the normal users. Also due to a lack of ability to curate their content delivery systems, or who gets in and sees the NSFW stuff. A overwhelming flood of underage people who unfortunately have access to SFM flood the site with very poorly made video game NSFW. (A direct result of digital content bloating)

This is not to say SFM creators as a whole are all bad (some are nice), its just that the vast majority now are not exactly people who should have the ability to create said material.

Tips for if you go there.

Keep the SFW switch on.

Be careful what you search.

Be careful who you interact with.

Expect fully to be asked by strangers and potential commission clients to make material you are not in anyway interested in, or find disturbing and do your best to ignore them all.

This place will really test your patience for NSFW paid artwork requests, so stay away if you dont want to deal with that.

#Artists #social media #mass effect #autism #mental health #awareness #sharing

4 notes · View notes