#i got a new phone so i can finally post gifs again god bless

[woahbundy]

[elvisabutler]

I will request the walls have ears scene hard-on scene again and also I mean I would DIE for a psych perspective of elvis all day every day but i know that’s pretty heavy and god bless him what a mess of a man🥴

bless you. OKAY. so you have got to forgive me for how unsure i am about this. i'm like a damn baby deer walking on my legs for the first time. also that's coming at some point. probably. it really requires a lot of research. ( for a tumblr post i know but you never know, maybe i use that bullshit to get into grad school like i've been dying to go. and then at the end all of y'all can call me dr. ally. )

so. tw: i mean it's got him getting a hard on so, sexual themes? phone sex? mentions of elvis' sad sad hang ups? i do not know this is new territory for me.

the walls have ears ( but not eyes ) - elvis presley

elvis is used to dancing, he's used having his hips move every which way but loose. well, maybe there was that one time they went a bit loose but that was between him, that audience and god. and there wasn't a soul in that group who was gonna be a tattle tell. the point is, he knows how to dance, knows how to move his hips. so doing the scene he's being asked of with laurel seems like a simple enough ask. she's sweet and he likes her well enough. doesn't like her like he likes the girl he's got waiting for him at home but- he gets her allure, gets how his character could like a girl with her face.

it's a complicated set up for a scene, one of the most complicated ones elvis has ever seen in his pictures. there's so many moving parts that a part of him wants to ask the director and the production team what went through their heads and how they went about setting all this up. anything to find out more about the film industry even if- well even if it seemed like he was gonna get stuck doing these musical-singing pictures for a long while yet. maybe one day- maybe some day he'll get to have his moment as a dramatic actor get to be like james dean and marlon brando and paul newman. one day.

the moment they start the camera elvis finds himself aware of two things- one, that he was made to do this sort of dancing and he's got to take his girl out and show her one of these days and two, his pants are too tight. he knew the second point before hand and has been half trying to wiggle to make his inseam feel less strange and has honestly asked the costume team, "darlin' could you please take this out jus' a lil." only to be told that no they couldn't which was a crying shame if he did say so himself. he's been telling himself it wouldn't be a problem, telling himself he'll be fine but now the pants are rubbing him just the right way and he can feel himself hardening. lord have mercy. was this honestly when his goddamn body wanted to betray him like this. laurel's not gonna say anything but he knows she just saw it when she looked down from the way she looks up at him afterward. he wants to call time on the scene, tell the director he's gotta deal with this but he knows they're already- he's heard how hard this scene was to set up, he can't just stop because he's got a problem. maybe if he jiggles his leg- nope no, that made it worse.

if him and laurel maybe are rushing through the steps a little quicker or if he uses the table to give himself a bit of friction then that's his business. when they're finally on the table after the ceiling "caves" in he looks over at laurel.

"you're a professional and-" he starts before laurel waves him off.

"elvis, we don't need to talk about it. it's just my big brother having a- problem." she bites her lip trying not to laugh before a small giggle escapes her.

elvis scrunches up his face before grinning and letting himself laugh as he gets off the table and holds out his hand for her. "yeah, yeah, laugh it up, laurel. come on you."

she takes that as permission to fully laugh as she lets elvis help her off without a second thought. "go- i'll cover for you."

he opens his mouth to tell her she doesn't have to before she just shrugs and shoos him away. god, she's a good girl. he's got to remind himself to double check if that boyfriend of hers was still bugging her too much.

it doesn't take him that long to reach his dressing room and the second he shuts the door he practically tears off his pants. he's careful not to ruin them because while he hates the damn things someone still worked damn hard on them and they deserve to be respected because of it.

he eyes the phone in the corner of the room that taunts him with the knowledge that the person he'd like here- the person who's been in his thoughts as he danced-who might have inadvertently caused this problem is merely a phone call away. he shouldn't, but elvis has never been good at following what he should and shouldn't do. it's what always gets him in trouble time and time again. it takes a minute for them to patch him through but the second he hears your voice tension he didn't know he was holding since he felt his erection just slides away.

"elvis?" you ask your tone of voice betraying your confusion.

"hey darlin', am i interrupting anything?" he asks, his hand moving down to touch his cock through his underwear. it's just a light touch, almost as if he's scared to do more.

"you're not. i was thinking of going out, but then you called." you pause and hum quietly. "not that i mind, handsome, but you never call me like this when you're on set. you miss me that much today?"

"you know i always miss you." the sentence slips off his tongue before he even stops it. he knows he doesn't need to charm you, he's got you wrapped around his finger even without it. still, there's something to be said about always making sure you're happy with him. he knows he can be a bit much. "i- gotta promise you won't laugh, satnin."

"you- i won't. unless it's really funny." you say, twirling the phone cord around your finger. "what's got my man all shook up?"

"you." he answers with a low chuckle as he presses the palm of his hand against his crotch, inhaling as he does. "they got me wearing these tight pants- rubbed me all the wrong ways. felt like you in that dress i bought you last week. all tightness and heat, damn near felt like a vice grip."

he hears you shift and he didn't realize until that moment that you were on your shared bed. you were on the bed, maybe you were wearing his favorite dress. or maybe a nightie, it was early enough to have you wearing that still. you might have just gotten up. he knows how you are when you first wake up, all wet heat and warmth and he stops his thoughts there. you're not into this just yet, you haven't given him the go ahead, he doesn't need your permission but he wants it right now.

"like my-" you pause and there's another shift of fabric and your voice gets a little softer, like you're embarrassed to say it. "pussy?"

he hums in acknowledgement. "yeah, just like that. laurel- she's a good girl, satnin, didn't even bat an eye. i've got a bit of time. she's- covering for me. telling our director something." he pauses and takes a deep breath. "you- wish you were here. you could take care of this with those pretty lips."

the laugh that leaves your lips sounds almost like wind chimes to his ears and somehow it makes him even harder. "wish i was there too. but i don't think i'd like to take care of it that way. i think i'd prefer to be on your lap."

elvis can't help the low groan the image you're providing him with elicits and his hand moves to actually lower his underwear so he can take his cock in his hand. "like that one time in the cadillac when you thought we were gonna get caught."

a breathless sigh. "yeah, elvis, just like that. with you holding my hips so tight i get bruises from it later." you let out a small groan and elvis swears he hears how wet you are from the other end. "i'm wearing a ring you left here. makes me think this are your fingers."

that does it, that's what has him wrapping his hand around his cock listening to you talk. has him gripping himself like his life depended on it and right now it just might. he doesn't have the door locked but honestly, everyone in the mafia and on this set know better than to barge into his room lest you end up with an eyeful of ass or breasts. "didn't realize my satnin has such a dirty mouth. you playing with your clit too, baby, rubbing it like i do? you got me touching myself like you do. feel like i'm gonna burst already."

you nod before remembering elvis isn't there with you so he can't see it. you exhale shakily, your answer a tight whisper. "only got a dirty mouth when you need it from me. i'm- my fingers aren't yours but i can be a little faster with the wrist. it evens- oh- out." you bite your lip. "i think we're both there- i haven't- i didn't have you this morning. this is the first time today."

his pace quickens at your quiet oh, knowing fully well that's you telling him you're going to come soon if you aren't already starting to. his grunts are getting closer together, he's gotta be quiet about this but you can be as loud as you want and he can hear you, can hear the sighs and the soft moans. "you gonna come for me, baby? gonna come on your fingers and take a picture for me?"

"uh huh." is the only answer he gets, the only words you can manage as you take that as cue to go faster, to curl your fingers inside yourself to- do everything that has you letting out a shout of elvis' name a minute or two later. elvis' own hand tightens the grip on his cock and pumps even more as he hears the click of a camera on your end.

"good girl. my bestest girl, takin' a photo for me." he mutters focusing on just coming shutting his eyes to try and picture how you look, half fucked out and- it's then that he comes with a grunt. he's gotta be quiet even if he knows you love hearing him groan your name. he has to catch his breath before he speaks again. "you still there?"

a hum. "i am. sleepy again though." you yawn and stretch being mindful of the cord. "can i go take a nap, elvis? you're not gonna be home-"

"for a few more hours at least, baby." he finishes for you. "go take a nap, darlin'. rest up for me for tonight. think i'll take that ring back from you."

you laugh softly. "okay. don't go getting excited again. can't help you until you come home if happens."

his answering laugh is a little dark but he knows you're right. "don't think i have to wear these pants any more. should be fine. wear the blue nightie when i get home, alright?"

the only answer he gets back is a snore and he hangs up. he knows you heard him when he gets home and sees what he asked you to wear on your skin. the photo you took- when you two get it developed- comes with him on the next shoot.

he doesn't have another problem with his pants like that again. not until 1968.

[georgeharrisonsimp]

time p.2 - cw for sad thoughts, drinking, eating habits

posting this even though i had work to do but i dont have wifi for my school isssued chromebook🥰

robert and jimmy never came to my house. yes, i did pass out multiple times per week and drank too much, but even at that

they still never showed up.

my body was now so weak.

and my mind wasn’t even bothered to do anything about it.

i barely woke up each morning, it was a surprise i still did. i stopped drinking more or less, my stomach couldn’t even down that.

i heard the calls, but i was scared i couldn’t pick up the phone.

slowly, i walked to my dresser. all the random shirts that robert gave me were still there. they still smelt like his cologne. the star jacket jimmy gave me off a bet, that was there too. the sweaters bonzo gave me for my birthday were there. the cool platform shoes jonesy gave me were there.

all the photographs we had together were taped on the wall still.

they were getting yellow, but they were still there.

everywhere i went in my house, i couldn’t escape it.

my music room that i hadn’t been in for 3 years was probably crying.

all the instruments untuning over time and all of them collecting dust.

it even made me sad.

but even there, on the door, was a poster. one that had us five onto a square. it looked cool back then so i bought it, stuck it on the door and it still remains.

above the poster was a bunch of

writing in sharpie.

all of their four names written on the wall by them, still there. all their silly messages were there.

my favorite was jimmy’s, “my les paul better not in there!” it was so silly, but it was an inside joke at the time.

then there laid bonzo’s “still jealous of this music room, best room to exist.” i wonder if he would still be jealous wherever he is.

then robert’s dumb “the golden god has blessed this room...!” with a winking face at the end.

then jonesy’s “my favorite creator of music.” it was so vague, but so sweet.

i never opened the door, too many memories would’ve came out of it.

god, i wanted to call someone. i needed too.

or else i’d drop dead and no one would know.

i grabbed the much too heavy phone and dialed robert’s number.

he picked up.

“hello?” i heard. his voice hasn’t changed, but his accent was fading.

“robert? it’s y/n.” i said, my voice almost gave out.

“y/n?! oh my god, how have you been? it’s been years!” robert exclaimed, at least he was happy.

“honestly percy, i need help. badly.”

his tone dropped, “what do you mean? is something wrong?”

“listen, just come to my house, then the rest, i don’t know. but please, quickly, or else my sanity is gonna call quits.”

it was true, if i hadn’t done this now, while my sanity was in check, i wouldn’t of done it. i was desperate.

“ok, yeah, i’ll be there quickly. same address, right?” robert asked.

“yeah, see ya.”

i heard robert hum in agreement.

it wasn’t even 20 minutes later when i heard someone knocking on the door.

i groaned, then croaked out, “the doors open!”

instantly, i heard the door open.

“y/n?” i heard robert’s voice.

it still had that youthful tone, with his sweet midland accent.

“living room.” i said back to him.

he ran, almost slipped, which caused me to giggle.

i saw tears prick in his eyes, mine did the same.

he walked over to me quickly and hugged me.

it was odd, i was sitting on the couch, he was sitting on the armrest.

but i still loved his embrace either way.

“christ, y/n i didn’t even think you were still around.” robert said, as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

“i’m surprised i am, feels like any day now.” i muttered as i laid my head on his shoulder.

“don’t say that y/n... you’re still here and i-i’m gonna help you, yeah?” robert said, stroking my hair.

he’d always done that even back in the 60s. whenever i was stressed he knew it helped me somehow. i’d be damned if i remembered.

“i’d like that. thank you for coming, robert.” i smiled at him

which he returned, “i’m glad you finally called back, y/n.”

first thing we did was go back in his car.

we had some small talk, nothing major about me though.

“how’s maureen?” i asked.

“oh- that. we’re getting a divorce currently.” robert said, but he didn’t sound sad.

“really? did something happen?”

“no, we just didn’t love each other like we used to. sure, i still care for her and all that but i couldn’t pretend anymore. for the sake of the kids too. she said she felt the same. we’re still friends, we just couldn’t live together anymore.” robert explained.

i knew i didn’t need to tell him i’m sorry, because they still had a good connection.

“i’m glad things ended well then.” i told him.

“so am i.”

suddenly, i was being brought to one of our old favorite diners.

a family owned one, with green hues, with the best food around.

“gosh, we used to go here all the time, huh?” i said, reminiscing at our old memories here with bonzo.

“yeah, i heard the pancakes are the same.”

with that, we both ran in.

sadly, they had some new staff working but either way they made the food the same.

we both ordered the double decked out pancakes.

i had explained to robert how i might not be able to finish due to my stomach. he said it was perfectly fine, we could just get a to-go box for it.

“they really do taste the same.” i smiled.

robert nodded, he couldn’t really respond, his mouth was full.

he looked like a teenager all over again.

“how’s jimmy? i heard you guys were planning something on some magazine.” i asked.

“oh, he’s doing fine. he’s more real now, y’know? he doesn’t seem like a mysterious guy anymore, he’s more personal.” robert explained.

“that’s good. last time i saw him he did look much healthier.”

“you saw him-“

“on the television.” i said.

we laughed for some odd reason.

“what about jonesy? he’s doing well, yeah?”

“from what i heard, yeah. he’s doing great; loves the time with his family he’s got now.”

“always was a family guy.” i laughed.

to our dismay, we finished our pancakes. well, robert finished his. i was surprisingly able to eat half of them.

my stomach finally seemed at ease.

we both got into robert’s car again.

“where do you wanna go now? we could visit jimmy, he’s missed you.” robert suggested.

“really? the, jimmy page, missed me?” i asked, i was honestly surprised. i always had a close relationship to him but i didn’t know if he cared that much.

i guess my doubt grew over the years, i wouldn’t of doubted him missing me 5 years ago.

“oh, don’t say that, of course he missed you! you were like the best friend he always wanted or whatever he said. don’t you remember?” robert looked at me with concern in his eyes.

“sorry, it’s just me. the last few years left me confused with stuff, i didn’t really think i meant much to people. after being alone for so long.”

robert rubbed my shoulder in comfort, “well, now you can rest assured once more.” he flashed a smile at me.

then, off to jimmy’s house we headed.

it was a cool place.

it was made of this dark wood surrounding it with black patterns. definitely suited jimmy.

it had an extravagant backyard too from what robert told me.

i was anxious to say the least.

jimmy always wanted me to take care of myself before he took care of himself.

if he saw me like this, lord knows what he would say.

robert noticed how tense i was.

“hey, y/n, jimmy isn’t all wound tight anymore. he won’t be mad, just concerned, ok?” robert reassured me.

i nodded before we walked to his doorstep.

[spvce-cowboy]

drivers license

francisco morales x f!reader - oneshot

rating: mature

3.1k words

warnings: drug/alcohol use, reader is a dealer, age gap, so much YEARNING!!!

summary: a surprise visit from an old friend

a/n: 100 follower celebration!! partially inspired by this post but also the fact that i have been sing-screaming “drivers license” for oh about four days straight now. thank you guys so so much for all the support so far ! 💕

**

A fist slamming against your front door wakes you from a dreamless sleep.

You push yourself off your mattress, blearily checking the time on your phone and cursing under your breath when you see that it’s almost 3am. You sit up all the way, blinking as you wait to see if what woke you up was something you’d imagined or if it were real.

It’s real. It starts again after a second, three sharp raps against the door, followed by some kind of muffled talking. Your heart rate picks up in your chest, you grab the baseball bat you have leaned against the wall as you reach your apartment door. Squeezing one eye shut, you look through the peephole.

The good thing is that it definitely isn’t the cops. You take a relieved breath, leaning away from the door.

The bad thing is that whoever is knocking is hunched on his knees, just outside of the peephole’s line of sight, so you have absolutely no idea who the fuck it is.

“Please open the door,” the man’s voice begs from the other side of the door. You’re about to yell at him to fuck off, but he interrupts you before you can even open your mouth. “Little flower, it’s me, please.”

The nickname makes your heart go to your throat. The bat in your hands falls to the floor.

You rub a hand over your eyes, huffing an exhale in a vague attempt to prevent your heart from ricocheting against your ribs. It doesn’t work. Because as soon as he says it, as soon as you realize who it is, it brings everything back with him.

A set of sturdy, tanned fingers cupped against the knuckles of your grandfather’s hand, the voice went low in a warm but respectful greeting. You didn’t realize how gnarled your old man’s hands had gotten until you had someone else’s to compare them to. You looked back down at the crumpled up dollar bills you’d just been handed, one of them still rolled. Turning to find your bag on the coatrack, you stuff the money in your back pocket.

“My little flower, this is a good one,” your grandfather told you with a small hum that signifies whatever he just said must be set in stone. You hear the sound of him heavily patting the hand cupped over his own in that way he does when he appreciates the presence of something. “He has a decent head on his shoulders, no?”

“Little flower?” You can hear the boyish smile in that all too familiar voice before you even turn back around. “That suits you well, I think. Florita. I like that.”

“Christ, Frankie, what are you doing here?” You rest your head against the doorframe, heart sinking in your chest. You don’t open the door, to protect him or yourself you don’t know.

“I need—”

“You’ve got a kid now, Frankie. I told you I’m not going to sell to you anymore.”

“Ever the moralist,” the bite to his words is so uncharacteristic you can’t help but flinch. He seems to realize this, too. His apology is nearly immediate. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. You’re right. I… It’s not…”

You swallow, closing your eyes and wrapping your arms around yourself for some bare semblance of comfort. “Please go,” your voice is so quiet you’re not sure he can hear you through the layer of wood separating the two of you. “You’ll wake the neighbors.”

It’s quiet for a long time. Long enough that you nearly think he’s left. Long enough that you don’t know why you’re still standing at the door and not back in bed.

And Frankie says your name, voice cracking. Your actual name. It’s been so long since you’ve heard it come off his lips you can’t help sink into the door.

A held breath leaves you in a shuddering sigh. Your shaking hands open the door.

The man who spills onto the ground before you is a stranger, yet, heartbreakingly, just as he had been when you first met him. Messy hair, worn blue jeans, gray button-down stretching over the perfect expanse of his back. All that is missing this time around is that lazy smile, that easy, Hey, darling.

In a bar. Right when your grandfather started getting sick.

“Eighty,” you said without him having to continue his sentence beyond his syrupy greeting, eyes trained on the shelves of liquor in front of you instead of having to meet his gaze.

He copped an eighth, tucking the little baggie in a pocket on the inside of his jacket. You went back to your drink, angling your body away from him again and expecting him to return to his table of friends. But then the knuckles of his hand nudged the side of you elbow. He gestured to your beer, the neck of the bottle clasped between your thumb and the hook of your middle and index fingers.

“Lemme buy you your next one, yeah?” He had a hunched lean to his posture, in that way that men do when they want you to feel like you’re the only person in the room. You were mad that it worked. He extended a hand. “Frankie Morales.”

The truth of it was that the two of you became friends, after that. Nothing more. Regardless, it was too close for you to get to someone you dealt to, but you were so lonely at that point in your life—taking care of the old man by day, GED classes at night--that meeting Frankie was a small blessing. Nothing ever happened between you two but God you wish it did.

To describe what you felt towards him as a crush didn’t really cut it, but you were fine with friends. Being completely fair, he was definitely one to send mixed signals—Christ, your weekly tradition of driving to an overlook to split an order of fries and milkshakes on the hood of his truck just about screamed every romcom you were raised on. But despite the occasional prolonged touch, the hand he would place on the small of your back to move you out of the way or guide you forward, nothing happened.

You dealt with it. Tried to be supportive as possible when he met his girl. Frankie broke the news that she was pregnant. The two of you saw each other less and less frequently. Sometimes he would call to catch up. Eventually, you stopped answering when he did. Your grandfather died. You got into a local art school.

It was sad how quietly it all faded. You didn’t know it could, but it did.

And now here he is, literally crumpled at your feet.

Frankie messily pulls himself up off the ground and onto his knees. He reeks of booze and old cigarettes. You freeze as his hands wrap over your hips, as he presses his face into your stomach and murmurs an incoherent apology—for what, you’re not exactly sure.

And when you finally processing what’s happening, what you had begged the universe for years, you can’t help yourself. Your card your fingers through his hair, gritting your teeth and squeezing your eyes shut.

“Frankie,” it’s a warning. It’s a reminder. “You’re drunk. You need to go home. Your girlfriend--”

“She left a week ago,” he speaks into the fabric covering your belly. The words burst forwards as if not even he was expecting to say them. It’s a confession. His hands flex from where they hold onto you. “She’s gone.” Your heart drops to your gut, your chest aching. “I need… Just for the night I… Little flower, the house is so empty.”

You keep petting back his hair until his breathing quiets. He keeps holding onto you, even then. The two of you stay like that for a long time.

“Why don’t,” your voice comes out too shaky. Too unsure of itself. You clear your throat and try again. “Why don’t you take a shower, I’ll get you some water and we can sober you up a bit. Okay?”

He tilts his face up at you. It’s the first time you’ve seen him in well over a year.

And he hasn’t changed. It’s all there—the soft mess of shaggy hair, dark but kind eyes, the beloved hook of his nose.

One sun-sick evening, you rode your bike to the beach just to get out of the apartment. You need somewhere to sit and think for a while, just until your head feels more clear. There’s enough of a chill in the air that you have to throw on a jacket, it’s nice. It’s like you can feel the wind moving through you. Past you.

When you arrived at the beach, you got off your bike, leaning it against your hip as you scoped out a spot to sit in the sand. You were about to wheel it over to the rack when--

Someone pinched your elbow in greeting. Their steps were so quiet you didn’t even register their approach. It, obviously, startled you, and your hand immediately flew to the keychain in your back pocket. The knife you had attached to it.

When you turned, and it was Frankie’s familiar face, his hands raised in joking surrender.

In that light, with the sun still flirting with the horizon, it rendered his face into shapes and shadows you had only previously seen in the old oil paintings of long-dead greats. You thought it was in the deep bourbon of his eyes, soft when illuminated by a tangerine sky. It was him. All of him. Slightly breathless, hair ruffled by the wind.

“Hey, hey, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you,” he sounded genuinely apologetic. You released a relieved huff of air.

“Fucking Christ, Frankie. A little warning would be nice next time.”

“Did you bike the whole way here? From the apartment?” He asked, there was a tinge of concern to his voice.

You shrugged, trying to hide your embarrassment by lowering your kickstand with the heel of you boot. “It’s not that far.”

“Don’t you have a car?”

“Can’t drive,” you wrinkle your nose. “Never needed to.”

He looked you for a moment, if you didn’t know any better you’d say critically.

“I was just about to get something to eat, if you wanna join me,” he tucked his hands in his pockets as he spoke. “There’s this overlook nearby that has a way better view of all of this.” He motions to the ocean with the tilt of his head. “I can drive us there.”

You regarded him as he spoke, cautiously looking him up and down. And you nodded, smiling slightly. He smiled back, it was big and crooked. It made something in the pit of your belly feel warm.

You step away, holding out your hand to help him to his feet. He complies, stumbling slightly and rubbing his hand over his face as he does so. He disappears down the hall without having to ask where the bathroom is.

Sighing, you go back into your room, pulling out a shirt and a pair of oversized sweatpants for him to change into. You knock on the bathroom door on your way to the kitchen. The apartment’s walls are so thin you can hear the hiss of the shower from all the way down the hall.

“Come in,” Frankie’s voice barely rises above the sound.

You crack the door open, keeping your eyes trained to the floor as you place the folded clothes on the sink’s counter.

“Here’s something for you to change into,” you tell him. He thanks you, the shower turning off right as you close the door behind you. You walk back down the hall and into the living room, making two glasses of water before settling on your couch.

Once, after a night out, the two of you were too drunk and too broke to afford separate taxis home. He proposed going back to his house, split the cost, grab a cab for you once it wasn’t so late and the rates went down.

You agreed, as you did anytime he extended the offer to spend time there. There was something about the quiet, tucked-in nature of the suburbs that was so novel to you. So calming.

The two of you settled on the couch. Feeling bold, you lay your head in his lap and kicked your socked feet up on the opposite armrest as you describe to him the gallery opening you’d snuck into. How you successfully schmoozed to the owner as well as one of the artists.

He asked you if you had heard back from any of the scholarships you’d applied to. You hadn’t, but you’d only just submitted the applications, so it would be at least a few months wait.

You tell him your dreams of becoming an artist. A real one. He already knew that, but you really tell him this time, all the details you usually keep to yourself, too special to you to have the courage to voice aloud. The fantasy of moving out into the mountains, getting a cabin just big enough for a hotplate and a bed and a studio. You’ve lived and breathed LA for your entire life and you were tired of the city. Tired of every street corner baked with the memories of high school and the listless years that followed, of the small humiliations you had to succumb to in order to survive.

Frankie listened and nodded enthusiastically at all the right parts. It was only then that you realized his hands smoothed over the top of your scalp as you talked. You let it continue, it felt too nice not to.

He told you that you should, and if you needed help finding the money he could always--

You cut him off before he could finish the thought, shaking your head. Responsibilities came first, you had people who needed you. A degree to finish. Savings to maintain. You asked him about the new girl he’d been seeing and he eagerly launches into a story about a different, wild night out. You smile and laugh throughout the whole thing, trying to ignore the pang it gives you when he describes the dress she was wearing. He fingers continued to brush over the crown of your head as he talked.

You fell asleep there, on his lap. You woke up before the sun rose, hot and sweaty and still a little drunk from the vodka Redbulls that never agreed well with your heart.

It took you a second to realize you were in Frankie’s bed, alone. When you padded back into the living room, he was passed out on the couch, a throw blanket wrapped around his shoulders, using his arm as a pillow.

You left after helping yourself to a shower, texting him a sarcastic good luck with that hangover. You’re about to call a taxi home but something stopped you. You thought it might be the way the sun was barely breaking over the cusp of the smoggy horizon, the sky reduced to pale shades of violet with the coming dawn.

The quiet neighborhood Frankie lived in is all the more beautiful, like this. Subdued, empty, houses in winding but even rows that scale up the mountainside like sets of bad teeth. You decided to walk, just until the sun got a little brighter. Until the people started to shake themselves awake for a new day.

You got a text from him as you were making breakfast, back at your apartment by then. Thanks. Hope you slept well, little flower. Something about the small missive kept you smiling the whole day after.

You mess with your phone until Frankie returns.

“I’m sorry, for showing up like this,” Frankie says as he hovers over the living room’s threshold. The clothes you leant him fit well enough, only slightly oversized on his frame as opposed to how they generously drape off of you. He holds his towel in his hands, looking down at it instead of you.  “I honestly don’t have an excuse and you… you shouldn’t accept any. But I thought I should still tell you.”

You look at him for an extended beat, knowing he’s being honest. You’re at a genuine loss as to how to handle the situation.

“We can deal with it later,” you settle with that. It sounds good enough to you, and when he finally meets your eyes again he looks a little relieved. You nod you head towards the glass of water you placed on the coffee table, he takes your lead and settles on the opposite side of the couch, leaning over to take his own glass.

“So um… how are you?” He asks you earnestly, angling his body towards you.

“Okay,” you take a sip of water, trying to keep it casual. “Cleaning up my act a bit, you know? Going to school, picking up jobs here and there. Trying to figure out what I want to do. Oh! I uh… I learned how to drive--impressive I know.”

“The city flower herself, operating a vehicle?” His face breaks into a familiar, goofy smile you can’t help but reciprocate. “I’ll add every pedestrian in LA to my prayers.”

“You should,” you shake your head as you laugh, leaning into your corner of the couch and pulling your knees up to your chest. You finally relax, giving yourself the small allowance of settling into the comfort that inevitably comes with his presence.

And it really is just as easy as it always has been between the two of you. The conversation naturally ebbs and flows, neither of you bother to broach the heavier stuff. For now, just this it’s enough.

It’s enough to see the spark in his eyes when he tells you about his daughter, how bright she is, how much trouble she gets into—just like her dad. It’s enough to hear about his friends, all those names and backstories that you still vividly remember. It’s enough to bask in the feeling of how he leans into you with laughter, a hand lingering on your knee for seconds longer than it probably should have, as he always tends to do.

It’s enough to see him grin when you tell him about the scholarships you got, how weird it felt being the oldest person in all your classes, even if it was only by a handful of years. He doesn’t ask how your grandfather is, the living room being cleared of all the heart monitors and breathing machines is enough to answer that question. You’re grateful he doesn’t. You’re not sure you’d be able to keep a brave face if he did.

You don’t want time to pass. You want to stay here, with him, like this, in that perpetual state of catching up, in that breathless deluge that has the not-so-subtle undercurrent of this is what has happened since you left. I wish you would have been there. But I am so happy you are here now.

When you can no longer stifle your yawns, you stand to refill your glass of water, speaking on your walk over to the sink.

“I’d love to keep talking but I honestly don’t think I can keep my eyes open much longer,” you tell him as you turn the tap off. “I can make up the couch for you, if you’d like.”

When he doesn’t immediately respond, you turn to look back at him. He’s staring at you from where he is seated, eyes dark with something that isn’t just from the low light of the living room.

“What?” You ask after a few more seconds of him not responding. He looks away from you, shaking his head.

“Yeah, that would be great.”

Your eyes search his for a moment, positive that that was not at all what he was turning over in his head during those few seconds of silence. You’re too tired to press, so you gather a spare set of sheets for him. He stands when you come back into the living room, holding out his arms to take them from you. You wave him away, setting up the pull-out bed yourself. You’d grown up sleeping on this thing, tucking the fitted sheet into the corners was always tricky, and he didn’t know where the bolts of the couch’s frame would cut the shit out of his hands if he wasn’t careful.

Throwing a pillow down, you turn back to Frankie. He’s standing closer to you, now. You have to tilt your head up slightly to meet his eyes.

“All set,” you tell him. He nods, eyes searching your face for a moment. Your brow furrows. “Frankie, you’re being weird. Stop it.”

His chuckle breaks the tension.

“Sorry—I’ve been saying that a lot tonight, haven’t I?” He takes a deep breath. You’re smiling again, about to agree with him, and without warning his hand is comes up to cup the side of your face. You still, lips parted in an unasked question. “Thank you, little flower,” his voice goes rough again, as it had when you were speaking to each other through the door. “I really mean it.”

Frankie’s hand drops when you nod, lips pressed together. He sits back down on the pull-out. You wish him goodnight quietly and return to your room.

Leaving your bedroom door cracked open, you climb back into bed. With everything in you, you hope he’s still there when you wake. He will be.

[holidaywishes]

i wanna marry you

part eight: i wanna marry you

  Summary: You and Freddie finally decide to get married a year after Vita is born

  Warning: a wedding, so lots of fluff. I think that’s it though... I guess a tiny bit of angst because I couldn’t help myself

  Author’s Note: So here’s what’s up! Since it had been a full year that I added another chapter to this story before I posted part seven, I’m adding a HUGE time jump so that we’re all in the same timeline -- and so I don’t get confused. I probably won’t have too many more chapters (maybe I’ll go to 13 because it’s 31 backwards? and my lucky number? who knows, I haven’t decided yet,) but I hope you enjoy these next few chapters. I was going to include the wedding in this chapter but I changed my mind but on the plus side, I at least know what the next chapter will be so hopefully the next chapter will be out relatively soon after this one. AND REMEMBER! my asks are always open but I will never promise when I will get to them but I love getting them no matter what! 😘

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

  The world going into quarantine four months after your baby was born felt like both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because Freddie would actually get to bond with Vita and a curse because, well, neither of you would be able to get away from each other until it was over. But when Freddie told you that Auston had invited him to spend some of the quarantine with him in Arizona, you were back to feeling overwhelmed

  “You’re really just going to leave?” you snarled through the phone

  “It won’t be long. We’ll be back together before you know it”

  “Freddie, you have a newborn baby here”

  “I know”

  “And a fiancé”

  “I know”

  “You’re already on the plane aren’t you?”

  “No”

  “Why are you being so secretive right now?”

  “I’m almost home. Do you wanna just wait to talk?”

  “FREDDIE!” you yelled

  “Don’t wake Vita!” he yelled back

  “I swear to god Freddie...” you started to chastise him just as he walked through the door, ending the call so he could walk toward you, “you’re just here to grab some clothes and take off?”

  “It’s just for a little while.. to get away from the city”

  “Why do you need to get away from us?!” you whisper yelled, gesturing to where Vita was sleeping

  “Come with me...” he stated, “both of you”

  “What?”

  “Come to Arizona and we can all isolate in the sun”

  “Freddie.” you sighed before rubbing your temples, “aside from the fact that our daughter is barely four months old and has seen very little of the sun, Auston is an immature man child who I know for a fact isn’t going to follow any of the guidelines”

  “Maybe he will!” Freddie argued

  “He won’t!”

  “He will if you’re there...”

  “That’s a bullshit lie and you know it!”

  “(Y/N), baby, elske, do you trust me?” he asked, resting his hands softly on your arms and you cocked your eyebrow in response

  “I trust you. Not him. I don’t think it’s necessary for you to get out of the city for three months. Away from your daughter when you could be bonding with her”

  “We just need some clarity... and some sun”

  “I think you should be here”

  “Trust me, okay, quarantine won’t be that long and I’ll be back here before you know it; all up in your space so much you wish I was gone...” He was wrong, obviously, just like you knew he’d be the second he said it. He came back in late June, four months into the quarantine, but he didn’t have much downtime with you and Vita before he went right into training mode for the qualifiers. Your heart sunk when you couldn’t be there to cheer him on or bring your daughter to see her daddy on the ice but honestly, with how the rest of the season turned out, maybe it was better that she couldn’t fully comprehend anything yet. When he finally came back, he looked like he hadn’t slept in days and he crashed into you as though you were a life raft saving him from the treacherous waves of the NHL.

  “Hi baby” you whispered as he knelt down in front of you to rest his face in your chest and wrap his arms around your waist

  “Hi” he groaned

  “Wanna pick-me-up?” you asked, trying to get him to stand up

  “Whatcha got for me?” he said, smiling as he looked up at you

  “Your daughter would love to see you. She’s gotten so big”

  “Is she awake?” he asked, standing up happily with a goofy grin on his face

  “I don’t know,” you giggled, “why don’t we check?” He followed you to the living room, quietly, where you both saw Vita playing with coloured blocks and Freddie made his way to her.

  “Hello, little one!” he cooed as he sat gently in front of her, making you laugh at the enormous size difference between the two of them.

  “Vita’s been falling asleep to your voice notes every night” you told him

  “Yeah?” he asked her, handing her a block for her to play with and she looked at him as he spoke to you

  “Look,” you said, nodding at her, “she recognizes your voice”

  “Do you? Do you recognize my voice baby girl?” he cooed, before leaning in and poking her stomach, earning an adorable giggle from her

  “Your head is the size of her entire body...” you laughed

  “She’s perfect” he said, continuing to tickle Vita

  “We missed you so much” you whispered, finally sitting down next to them before Freddie picked Vita up, bringing the two of them close to you

  “I think I missed you more” he replied, kissing your temple and the top of Vita’s head

  “Don’t leave again, please, just..” you pleaded, “stay, okay?” He smiled as you leaned into him, watching as your daughter fit perfectly into his arms

  “Okay” he replied with a kiss to the crown of your head.

xx

Two months later

  “Trade rumours are beginning to swirl around Frederik Andersen of the Toronto Maple Leafs,” the voices on the T.V. blared through the house as Freddie watched from the living room, “The Calgary Flames and Carolina Hurricanes are both looking at the Danish Goaltender.” You turned the corner to find your fiancé in front of the T.V. with his head in his hands

  “Freddie,” you whispered while carrying your daughter on your hip, “baby, don’t watch this stuff...”

  “I haven’t heard anything from Kyle” he replied and you sat down next to him, bouncing Vita on your knee

  “Maybe that means that these rumours are just that. Rumours.”

  “Maybe,” he said quietly, “but it all sounds very.. real”

  “Okay? So, what if it is?” you said, trying to get him to look at everything differently

  “Well then I won’t play for Toronto anymore...” he returned and you shook your head

  “And...?”

  “And we’ll have wasted our money on this giant house...”

  “So...?”

  “So, I’ll have to spend my last years in the League in a city that isn’t... doesn’t feel like home”

  “Baby,” you whispered, moving closer to him to kiss his cheek, “whatever happens, if you get traded or not, you’ll have us. I will go anywhere with you”

  “I know, I’m sorry,” he said, “I’m just worried.”

  “Well, why don’t we take our minds off of it? Off the trade rumours. Off the Leafs. Off the NHL in general...”

  “Oh yeah?” he smirked, pulling you closer to him to sneak a kiss

  “Yeah,” you smiled before pulling away from him and handing over your daughter for him to hold while you made your way back to the kitchen, “but I wasn’t talking about that.”

  “Okay.. but you can think about it now” he smiled at you, his footsteps following closely behind you

  “I was talking about the wedding,” you admitted, “start sending out invites. Pick out décor and dresses and tuxes, locations...”

  “You want me to help you plan the wedding?” he asked and you laughed at his response

  “It’s our wedding. Of course, I want you to help. Give me your input, taste test the cakes..”

  “You know I’m just gonna go along with whatever you want”

  “Oh, I know,” you scoffed, “but that’s what makes it so fun.”

  “Alright. If you say so,” he smiled as Vita let out a playful squeal, “let’s start with the date. I have a feeling, everyone’s going to be pretty available this December. And you said you wanted a New Year’s Eve wedding...”

  “I did. In a perfect world...”

  “Well, here’s your perfect world. New Year’s Eve, 2020.”

  “New Year’s Eve, 2020?”

  “New year’s Eve, 2020.”

  “You sure?”

  “Of course”

  “Alright. New Year’s Eve, 2020, it is!”

  “We’ve got the when, how about the where? Here? Denmark? Vienna? New York?”

  “I love New York... I think most people can get there easily. Easier than Denmark or Vienna”

  “New York it is. Let’s look online for availability...”

  “Can we look at the Kings Theatre?” you asked and he seemed to be shocked at your request

  “You’ve already put some thought into it, huh?”

  “I love Theatre and could you imagine the opulence of it all? It’s been newly renovated and on New Year’s Eve? Everyone will be willing to go full black-tie!”

  “Alright... let’s give it a shot” he smiled, standing up and swaying Vita side to side as he cooed at her and made his way to his laptop, “mommy and daddy are getting married, little Vita.”

  “Oh my gosh, how cute will she look as our flower girl?!” you cooed to both of them, rubbing your thumb on the soft skin of your daughter’s hand. Freddie laughed before kissing the top of Vita’s head and turned to you

  “I love you so much,” he smiled, “both of you.”

  “We love you too, daddy” you giggled

xx

Freddie’s P.O.V.

  It didn’t surprise you that (Y/N) had thought of nearly every detail of the wedding, including the location, but hadn’t told you. When the two of you looked up dates at the Kings Theatre in New York, she was convinced there was no way they’d even have an opening or that they’d even let you in with a big group of people because of the pandemic but you decided to call them

  “They’re available on New Year’s Eve” you told her and her eyes went wide as she mouthed ‘are you serious?’ and you nodded with a smile, “you want to book it?”

  “Capacity?” she whispered, referring to how many people you were allowed to invite, once you got the answers to all your questions, (Y/N) told you to book it and you set off to make everything go as smoothly for her as possible but as soon as you hung up with the Theatre, you noticed her face go pale

  “What’s wrong, babe?”

  “I don’t know if I can get a dress in time...” she said, her eyes keeping straight, almost refusing to look at you

  “Of course you can!”

  “No, no, no..” she said, walking toward the bedroom, “you don’t understand. Finding the dress is one thing. But then it has to be ordered in my size and any alterations have to be done. We have two months until our wedding. And to send out R.S.V.P’s? Everyone is going to hate us”

  “They’ll be fine. It’s not like anything is really happening..”

  “How am I supposed to shop for a dress when we’re confined to our home?” she snarled

  “Get someone to come here?” you suggested, “make a custom dress?”

  “Oh like that’s gonna be any better” she scoffed

  “It could be!” you laughed, “think about it. You get someone over here today, they take your measurements and talk with you about how you want the dress to look. Tell them to start on it right away and we send out the invites tomorrow...”

  “It’s not that simple, Freddie..”

  “Why not?“

  “A custom dress with a rush on it is going to cost as much as this house. Probably more..”

  “I don’t care,” you smiled, “I want to marry you on New Year’s Eve. I want to give you everything you want. If that means a custom made dress that sets me back 100 grand, then so be it. I love you, elske”

  “I’m going to be so stressed”

  “I’ll help you”

  “Who’s gonna be in our bridal party?”

  “Mitch, Stephanie, Zack, Alannah, Morgan, Tessa, Seb, Amalie, Lauren, and.. COGS!”

  “Okay.. fine,” she scrunched her eyebrows and shook her head at your quick response, “what about the ring bearer and flower girl? Vita can’t do it, unless someone carries her down the aisle...”

  “Valdimar, I’m sure, would make an excellent Flower Girl,” you laughed and she scoffed, rolling her eyes at you, “what about Oma?”

  “What about Oma?”

  “What if she walked Vita down the aisle, then they could both be our flower girls?”

  “And your brother?”

  “Ring Bearer”

  “You don’t want him in the Bridal party? The grooms party?” she hesitated, going back and forth between the right phrasing, “you don’t want him to be a Groomsman?”

  “I think 12 people up there is more than enough don’t you?”

  “Yeah..” she bit her lip, “it’s actually a lot...”

  “Who do you want to cut?” you smirked

  “I don’t want to cut anyone. Who’s your best man?”

  “Mitch” you said quickly to both yours and (Y/N)’s surprise

  “So, Steph stays.”

  “Easy. Who’s your Maid of Honour?”

  “It’s gotta be my sister. She’d be pissed if it were anyone else”

  “Fair, we’ll pair her with Andrew? So that leaves Zach and Alannah, Seb and Amalie, and Mo and Tessa”

  “I love them all”

  “But...” You pushed

  “I don’t know Tessa that well...”

  “Then there you go. Take out Mo and Tessa”

  “But I thought you wanted Mo to be up there with you..”

  “I do..” you said, “okay how about this. We keep Mo but put him with Alannah and take Tessa and Zach out?”

  “Yeah.. okay. Yeah, I guess that works.” After those few decisions were made, everything seemed to fall into place. Invitations were sent out with an urgent R.S.V.P included and, as you expected, friends and family were quick to get back to you.

  “New Year’s Eve huh?” Willy said over the phone, “that’s pretty fast. You sure you’re ready?”

  “Yes, Willy” you replied, rolling your eyes before hanging up the phone

  “Am I your best man?” Auston asked

  “Sorry, not this time” you laughed

  “Who then? You stayed with me for four months!” he was starting to get angry so you tried to calm him down

  “I know. But I already promised Mitch...” you lied, hoping Auston wouldn’t catch it

  “Fine. Whatever.” he scoffed and hung up the phone, leading you to smirk to yourself as you prepared yourself for more calls while (Y/N) and her sister went out to look at decor options. Before long, everything was sorted -- (Y/N) and her bridal party had their dresses picked out and sent for alterations, your groomsmen had their tuxes fitted as did you and everyone had sent back their R.S.V.P’s -- and all that was left was to decorate the venue and do a run through of the day.

  “This place is amazing” (Y/N) cooed with Vita situated on her hip who was looking around in just as much awe as her mother

  “It’s perfect” you replied as you followed your soon-to-be wife through the Theatre

  “We’re getting married in two weeks!” she exclaimed, letting her mouth gape to let out a silent scream and you smiled at her before turning to the wedding planner

  “We really appreciate you letting us do a run through now. I’m not sure what the typical protocol is, but since everything happened so fast, we had to focus on (Y/N)’s dress and the bridesmaid’s dresses...” you explained

  “I absolutely understand. We’ll make any notes today if you’d like to change anything and make sure the changes are made before we leave so we can see if there will be any problems the day of.”

  “Awesome” (Y/N) said from where she was standing, a big smile on her face that your daughter seemed to replicate when she looked at (Y/N)

  “You have a beautiful family” the planner whispered to you

  “Thank you,” you smiled, “I’m very lucky.” As the four of you made your way to your ‘dressing rooms,’ you noticed your fiancée stop a few times and just stare at the space, “babe, elske, what are you doing? We don’t have all day” you laughed

  “Can you picture it?” she asked softly

  “What?” you said, walking over to her and picking up Vita from (Y/N)’s arms

  “The lights. The snow outside. Our guests coming in all in black tie attire. The pictures that we’ll have forever will be so... magical”

  “Of course they will,” you smiled, kissing her forehead, “but we have to continue the tour.”

  “Can you get a list to our photographer? About what shots we want on the day?” she asked the planner

  “Absolutely!” the planner exclaimed, continuing to walk through the Theatre before asking if you wanted to do a run through of the ceremony.

  “Sure!” you said and (Y/N) nodded emphatically

  “Where should we put baby?” the planner asked

  “I can just hold her” you giggled and the planner said that it might be easier if you weren’t, “I don’t mind.” He shrugged and proceeded to go along with the run through and (Y/N) nearly cried every five seconds, it was exactly what you’d imagined.

  “Are you sure you want to go through with this?” she asked as you both stood on stage where you would be saying your vows, “marrying me, I mean. You still have time to back out. We’ve got the kid, if you don’t wanna be a husband, tell me now. Because I only intend to get married once.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. I only want to get married once. And I want to marry you.” You smiled at her as she blushed at your words

  “I love you” she said before leaning up to press her lips to yours

  “I love you, too” you replied when she pulled back from the kiss

  “Alright! And there it is! You say your ‘I Do’s,’ you kiss and then you walk off the stage back to the lobby, where you’ll be able to take a few pictures before the guests filter out and you say your thank yous before the reception. There will be a small break for everyone to go back to their hotels to change or whatever they’d like and so we can rearrange the lobby for when they come back for the party.” The planner explained and (Y/N)’s smiled beamed through the Theatre seats as you made your way to the lobby

  “Perfect!” You exclaimed

  “I’m so excited!” (Y/N) exclaimed in return and tucked herself into your side as a car was waiting for you out front. You waved goodbye to your wedding planner and let out a sigh of relief

  “Whew!” you laughed, “you don’t want to back out do you?”

  “WHAT?!” she scoffed, playfully hitting your shoulder, “NO. I told you up there, I only want to get married once and I wouldn’t have agreed to your proposal if I couldn’t see growing old with you.”

  “I was only kidding,” you teased and she smiled back at you, “we’re going to get married and it’s going to be amazing”

  “I will have nothing less.” She laughed before kissing your cheek, cuddling close to you as you rocked Vita on your knee.

[calypsoff]

Fifty Five.

Landing in Vegas, this is my first time here and I am super excited but I will be only here for a day which sucks but I rather be there for Robyn on her birthday, I am going to be at the Agenda show for one day here which will set the tone for the rest of the days here, which I am leaving that in the hands of TJ and Barry but I do have a team, a team I am meeting today here they are flying out so I will be meeting them at my hotel, I am here for one day so I booked myself into the Caesars Palace because why not, it’s one night to just have a little fun. Not too much fun because of course I am here for business reasons but I am having to bring a whole suitcase because I am leaving for London after this, Robyn doesn’t know at all she keeps talking about is be good in Vegas, I won’t even get to have any fun here “we out here bro” looking up from the escalator seeing TJ with the phone in my face “we out here in Vegas, come and check me out at the Agenda show” TJ cackled “check him out, not the clothing line” I would push him if he was close enough, he is dumb. Maybe I worded that wrong, I chuckled shaking my head. Stepping off of the escalator “wild, I can’t believe we are really in Vegas. Who would have thought, come country niggas are out here” licking my lips smiling wide, I am so happy to be here. Everything to me is a new experience, like being here is wild because I didn’t think I would ever come here “yo boy Drake is here actually, I forgot to mention that” I will have to text him then, we can link up “take a picture of me under this, look after my case. It has things in there” I pushed it to Barry, fixing my shades as I walked backwards just standing under thr Vegas sign “ready?” TJ asked, nodding my head as I crossed my arms across my chest smirking “I know he got that light skinned squinting under those shades, looking good” TJ said laughing at me, walking back over to them.

I take too many pictures, I just seen my story and looking through it is making me laugh. Do I love myself; I mean it’s always nice to take a good selfie either way. I got my own hotel room, I was not going to share with them because they will be up to some shit and I can’t deal with that, if they want to fuck bitches they can. They are single but I do not want to be involved, looking out of my hotel window at the views. Life is just amazing for me; I can’t believe how blessed I am right now to be here in this hotel room. I am married to the love of my life also, I am happy. Hearing the skype call go off; I was waiting for that. Robyn told me to wait as she called me, rushing back to my laptop and pressing connect. Sitting down on the chair as it connected “you’re in bed?” Robyn is wrapped up in her bed covers “I am tired Chris, also the time difference. Seeing as you are enjoying yourself in Vegas I won’t take up much of your time, just that any minute now Vogue is releasing the cover photo so we need to post pictures, we can now announce that we are married. Which for me works out perfect because now you’re in Vegas bitches will know you’re married” I laughed licking my lips “whatever happens stays in Vegas babe, you know that saying” Robyn pushed the bed cover back “eh? Say that again I will fly out there just to beat your ass and come back” she is so dramatic “I am joking ma’am. I am going to meet my new team too, there is some pretty fine men in it” I snorted laughing “whatever, you are very annoying” stretching my body out “so, what are you doing for your birthday, going out or anything. So you’re like in the future, I need to work out how to be the first to say it to you, that is a lot for my tiny brain” that is hard “well you have a few hours to work it out stupid, remember it’s tonight. It’s like ten here, and it’s two there so work from there” I am going to be so jet lagged, my phone started to ring “so two hours? Just say that then, hard headed ass, why is my booty call calling me now” grabbing my phone “nigga!” Robyn spat, answer my phone to Cena, he was a founder of a different clothing line and that made a big bang so I am glad he can be on my team “what’s good?” I answered, “we are waiting for you downstairs all of us” least they are here “I will be there in like ten, see you soon” disconnecting the call “who is that?” Robyn makes me laugh.

Placing my phone down on the table “he is the founder of Pink and Dolphin which he sold on, it made a lot of money with it so I got him on it, he is going to help me push my clothing line in ways I may be not able too, he has his business partner Neima she is with him, and I have a little social media team, like three ladies that are going to run the Instagram page and deal with influx of service related issues, but that is a start. Happy?” Robyn shrugged “I suppose, ok. I am super proud of you, you have been so productive Chris, more then I assumed. Like I thought you would have done what I asked but you did above and beyond, and I am so proud of you for that” I cooed out “so you are proud of me, I just wanted to ask. I really hope you’re not upset that I can’t come, I hope you don’t think I am picking this clothing line over you” I just want to know Robyn isn’t upset with me “I am not, I am here and you’re ok with me being here for over the time limit I set. And you’re doing good things, I am not upset. We will celebrate many more birthdays together and you will make it up to me right?” nodding my head “I will” Robyn’ phone pinged “ok they posted it, oh my god Chris. This is crazy. Be super careful out there now, like really please take care of yourself. There will super jealous people out there so please. Ok, so we can post something, what are you posting. I have mine set up” of course she has “you cheated, weren’t they supposed to drop this cover early and it go one sale on your birthday? grabbing my phone “hmmm, yeah something went wrong and they changed it but it’s still being released tomorrow. But what are you posting, tell me” opening my photos, I think I will post the pictures I took of Robyn in her dress, she looked amazing “look then” looking up at my laptop “wait, I ain’t seen that picture. What?” moving closer to my laptop “this you looking at me, Dennis said he took this picture when you was watching me talk to Bravo” letting out an oh “I look so in love, who is that guy” Robyn moved her phone away “shut up, so show me what you posting” I grinned looking down at my phone, I have a lot of photos in my phone of things.

Robyn has been waiting for me to decide, but I found it easy I just needed to write my caption out “ladies first though, you read what you put” looking up from my phone “fine, I put I married my best friend how I wanted, in my home with my loved ones. He is the light of my life and I have never been so happy in my life, we wanted to do this our way and we did. Get you a man that loves you more then you love him is what Dolly told me, and I have. You can’t tell me this ain’t a nigga in love” I busted out laughing “of course you put that, nah that is cute, so I put. We are twins here because I also put I married my best friend, my twin. When I say twin I mean she is my twin flame, the best day of my life is when I saw you in your dress, I look back on this picture constantly and just smile, it’s surreal that I am in this position with you. From high school to now, I can’t wait to put a baby in you” Robyn chuckled “you already did that, you sly with that. Post it then, together” pressing send on the post “man, the world is about to find out now” I grinned “they are, I am so happy that we are married Chris. It has really made my life, don’t you think” nodding my head “it has, but I really need to go baby. I will speak to you later ok?” Robyn rolled her eyes “sure, love you poppa” blowing Robyn a kiss “I love you too twin” I am sure those people will be sick of waiting for me, I have been keeping them waiting.

TJ and Barry are both at the Agenda show, I told them I need to be here to greet the team. I mean we are late, we arrived late anyways but I had some people set up the plot which they did “Chris” this really tanned man came over to me “Cena” shaking his hand “pleasure to meet you finally” nodding my head smiling “likewise, you must be Neima” hugging her “I am nice to meet you finally Chris” she said, moving back from the hug saying “you must be Deja” I pointed, I am sure she is “yes it is, we skyped” I chuckled, shaking her hand “where is the rest?” I am sure there is a few missing “at the show, they the ones watching over everything, so I said I would come here” nodding my head “cool, well come let’s go and talk and eat a little something” I gestured, I have my joint account card with me of course. I can’t be caught out lacking in Vegas now, I have big people around. Cena and Neima are both big people to be coming onto my project “your first time here?” Cena asked as he stopped walking to walk at the side of me “yes it is my first time, I have spent my life just in VA, now I have moved to California to concentrate on the business” walking into the restaurant in Caesars Palace “when you contacted me, I saw your clothing line and I believed in your dreams. I think you are there, but you just need guidance, and we are happy to do that, take your business onto new levels” this is why I wanted this guy on my side.

Replying back to Drake’ text he is going to be a Drai’s club tonight and has invited me to come along, and of course I accepted “sorry about that” placing my phone on the table “so my vision for this company would be going forward is start to go globally, I want to be global. I have started to have celebrities wear my things to give it that kick which is happening, but I feel like once I get a better team and we stick to the task at hand we can do it. I will go back to designing what I need and then have the team work on what they need to do, that means you three” I smiled “so where does Barry and TJ come in this, they are involved. If we are taking their roles in a way what are they going to do?” Neima asked “good question” I laughed “that is something I will discuss with them but for now they will be point of contact when I am away, but I will always be there of course” I mean Cena and Neima are better at this, they have the knowledge there “we need to get a website running, this has all been done by taking order via Instagram right?” nodding my head “ok, so website next. Twitter page, photoshoots. I think we know where we need to go next, you had an accident where this put you back right?” nodding my head “there was actual spike in your sales actually, not sure if that was because people started to take interest, but website is a big thing to do. We need to do” clasping my hands together “we did have a website but it got taken down for some reason and we ended up doing it via Instagram, I wasn’t around then though” I added “sorry I have been so quiet, erm. You are married to Rihanna? I just saw it like half hour ago” I chuckled, that is funny because Deja has been so quiet “is that what you was thinking about? Uh yeah, we got married on New Year, I guess you seen the pictures huh. Yeah, the secret is out” Deja clapped her hands cooing out “wow, my girl looked so good, you both did. Congratulations, this is so surreal. It really is” she looks so hype “thank you” that is sweet of her, I guess I am going to get that now.

I let the team go ahead of me because it’s coming up to Robyn’ birthday, I am not sure if she will be asleep because she was in bed, knowing her ass she is probably breathing heavy and is asleep right now. So I decided to post a picture of Robyn from High School days, she looks so goofy, but this is a picture my mother took of her, I don’t know how she even had this but she did and it’s cute. I am glad I am not in the picture anyways, but my mother sent me it in shock saying I found this picture, typing out a caption “Where you are right now it’s your birthday, well in less then a minute it will be. Wishing you the best birthday twin, I can’t wait to see you when you come back, and we turn up. I want ya’ll to show my wife love, it’s Rihanna day today. Happy Birthday Queen! And I know you will hate this picture, you were forced to have your picture taken by my mother lol @badgalriri’ pressing send on the post and then tapping Robyn’ name to call her, it’s her birthday so we shall see. I am stood in the corner like a creep for this, they are waiting for me in the car, I did say I will be one minute. The phone call is just ringing out, she is asleep because she would have picked up, in my heart I don’t think Robyn cares for her birthday, she is not happy about it because of the situation and her being in London still, voicemail of course but I will leave her a little something “I just called to say, I love you” I chuckled “mouth breather, how you sleep on your day but Happy Birthday baby, I love you so much. I know you listen to your body and if you want to sleep, you do that. Man, I miss you so much but call me when you do wake up, happy birthday” blowing a kiss down the phone and then disconnecting the call.

I finally made it to the Agenda show, I have been looking at other people’ plot. There is some good shit here “how has it been?” dapping TJ “easy bro, things are going easy right now. Are these the new peeps?” stepping to the side “this is Cena and Neima, also Deja. She is part of the social team, these must be the other two ladies” these are some pretty ass girls, not even going to lie “you are Jada?” I hope I got it right “I am, we finally meet” I was going to shake her hand but she hugged me “likewise, just call me boss” moving back from the hug “and you are Sheree, beautiful name ma” shaking her hand “I have really a beautiful ass team, I am blessed. Including you Cena” I chuckled, turning around “ain’t you Rihanna husband?” this woman came out of nowhere, I wasn’t even ready “uh what?” I laughed nervously “I swear I seen you on Rihanna page, you her husband?” rubbing my chin laughing “I am, yes. You caught me out” she gasped “wow, now I didn’t think I would be bumping into Rihanna husband. You own this thing don’t you” she walked inside looking around “I do, everything you see here is what I designed” walking over to her slowly “oh wow, can I take a picture with you. This is my daughters and son, can we have a picture” this is weird “erm yeah for sure, I mean I ain’t famous you know that right?” She waved me off “you better remember me that I was the first person to ask, you are famous now. Come here boy” she really doesn’t care, how the hell do you take pictures with random people, do you hug them or what “erm TJ, take the picture” I said to him” shuffling over to the mom “don’t be scared now, this is Rihanna husband” placing my arm around her “what am I again?” I asked “Rihanna husband” I laughed out; her country accent too just be killing me when she says it.

I entered Drai’s club and it just hit me, it hit me so hard that I didn’t ask Robyn but she is asleep well her ass hasn’t woke up or replied to anything, maybe if I just text a very nice text saying Drake text me to go over for some drinks “shit” I said to myself “my nigga! My fucking nigga. Aye, move back, move all the way back. Come here” Drake spat, it’s too late I am in the VIP section “my brother” dapping him and then hugging him “ah man, I am so fucking happy for you both. I seen the cover and Chris, you look like you modelling, I said we need you on some OVO clothing pieces modelling” I laughed moving back from the hug “thank you, it was a special night and you made it even better, it’s good seeing you though” Drake grabbed the Grey Goose bottle “get some more bottles, we celebrating my boy, he got married to one of the baddest girls in the game, bring more bottle. Take a seat” I laughed sitting down in the VIP section, let me quickly text Robyn something that doesn’t seem like I went but I did want her to say yes, it needs to be worded right.

From: Chris

To: Robyn

Birthday girl, still asleep? I think you are, so I am in a little situation, Drake invited me to Drai’s club for a few drinks and it was last minute, and I know you’re asleep so I couldn’t ask but I am here, call me when you can xx

Pressing send on the message, she cannot be angry with me because she is asleep. What else can I do; I can’t just wait until Robyn has the moment to say yes. It’s making me wonder now, is she still asleep at this time. I mean it’s eleven here, well nearly eleven and there it’s about seven I think so she’s slept very well if so, my night has just started and my flight is at eight in the morning, I will make it, this will be fine.

[cherry3point14]

To Catch A Winchester.

Pairing: Demon!Reader x Evil. Dean x Pie. Warnings: Demon!Reader likes bad things. The first scene is, like, kind of evil. Killing people and such. Also complete demon crack. Word Count: 3,056. Prompt: This post. A/N: I don’t have a good excuse for this. I made this gif and loved it so much I wanted to write something and it’s terrible. But mainly I need y’all to tell me how much you love this gif I made because I have watched it a thousand times.

Ao3 if your prefer

You’re reminded of that old show Madeline.

With lightning slicing through the night—occasionally illuminating the pews as you wandered through the church—here you are with your very own version.

Twelve little nuns lined up in a row. Slit their throats and a seal will blow!

A holy river of blood from steeple to sanctuary. A fancy way of saying bathe a church in blood, holy blood at that. It was such a delectable prospect you’d practically begged for the opportunity.

They’re tied up in the pews and you take them one by one. Each nun only goes so far. A couple killed in the tower, the belfry, a few in the lantern. The only problem is there’s one that won’t stop talking. On and on about how you could be saved, it wasn’t too late. How God still loves you. After your third trip down the stairs for your next victim, you’d gone as far as landing a punch to her ancient jaw. The way her bones had cracked under your hand was lovely.

She’d looked like she’d almost died. Beautiful, knocked the wind right out of her until she catches her breath and tells you. “You catch more flies with honey.”

Coming from a super-nun aside you like that turn of phrase. You lock it away in the back of your head for a rainy day, it’ll come in handy you think.

Then finally you take Sister Mary-won’t-shut-up to the bottom of the spire, climbing out into the humid night. It had rained but it’s stopped. The wet surface of the building, with your crimson additions, makes for a very pretty, glossy sight. Reflective even in the darkness. Really does look like an entire river when actually it’s only twelve dead nuns.

Eleven, you suppose. You’re about to kill number twelve. A flick of your wrist and she whizzes to the top while you climb, a knife between your teeth and the inky black of your eyes saying more than the mouth of your meat suit ever could.

Demons can’t be saved. God doesn’t love me. Lucifer does.

You’re straddling the cross at the top of the church, because why the hell not, while you drain her now limp body. Thunder booms and another strike of lightning reveals the outcome of your efforts. You wish you could take a fucking picture. This is what most demons are missing, some goddamn artistic vision. This church covered in holy blood was your hellish Mona Lisa.

After the seal’s break and Lucifer rises you had arrogantly assumed that evil and shadow would finally rule the Earth. Couldn’t heaven give it up and accept defeat already?

Now, it’s a whole new ballgame. The Winchesters are to be meat suits. Lucifer actually wants to wear one of them. Even Michael the dickless could do better. Although it wasn’t your place to say that, ever, unless you wanted to become a sacrifice to the demon blood cause when the time comes. Which, you didn’t. Things were more fun top side. There are only so many hundreds of years you can torture people in hell before it becomes repetitive.

You’ve fought on Earth for the cause for decades now, and you have no intention of stopping. Everyone has their part to play. Unfortunately, a big part of yours was breaking seals. You were fucking great at breaking seals because it required one of your best skills; creativity. So, you’re turning that creativity to something else. Hunting down Michael’s sword. Hell’s most wanted.

Dean Winchester.

Which leads you to Canton. Although technically you’d started in Cleveland. You’d caught wind of that stupid car they drive and followed them. Dumbasses the pair of them.

Whatever. Not the point. Nobody needs these boys for their brains, it's what's in their blood. The point is you’re in Canton now, so are they. They’re trying to stop some people dying because, disgustingly, that’s what they do with their limited time left on Earth.

See, here’s where you’re taking a slightly different approach. Most of your fellow black-eyed friends would go in swinging, throw them against a wall like all the demons who have failed to take them down before. Sometimes demons are so... so… obvious.

Not you. In all the time you’ve been up here you’ve had time to be bored. There are only so many missions and murders to commit. Even sex has grown tiresome. Humans are weak and none of them like pain as much as they claim to. Pathetic. So, you’re creative and you’re bored, and that’s how you learned patience.

It’s not enough to catch them in a moment of weakness. Those moments don’t last. They’re downward blips with quick recoveries, the Winchesters have impressive rebound rates and a knack for getting out of trouble. You need to focus on their weaknesses, those two extra letters make a huge difference.

You needed to find out what would bring them down and stay down. Or Dean at least. Figure out Dean’s vulnerability. Because Sam has some sort of loathsome bond with his big brother, enough that he’s given up on demon blood—for the time being. It won’t be enough to hurt Dean, you’ve got to split them up.

Which is how you end up in a bar, playing with the plastic cocktail stirrer between your fingers. The old fashioned the bartender made you is passable at best, no one has made you a good once since prohibition. Across the room is Dean Winchester knocking back beers like they’re going out of style.

This was going to be a time-consuming project it seems, how much could you really learn watching him like this? Clearly he’s an alcoholic but that’s not something that's helpful.

After the fourth beer, after he’s patted his empty glass at the pretty little tap whore, is when it happens. He looks up. Not at you directly, just up. His nostrils flare and you’re convinced that he’s smelt you. They may be dumb humans but they know about demons. You don’t freeze in fear for your life or anything, you didn’t want to give up this meat suit is all, she’s pretty enough to get free drinks most places.

The spell breaks when his phone rings before he has a chance to scan the room and lock eyes with you. You take a long drag of your drink, enough to empty the glass before you use the opportunity to escape. He’s turned his back to answer and you’ve seen all you need to see for now.

It’s a good thing you’re so patient or you might have fucked that up.

There’s something powerful in Nebraska. You can taste the cackle of demon in the air as soon as you arrive a few hours after Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber. The only thing you can think is, whoever it is better not waste your time. The Winchesters are officially yours and nobody will be taking them from you. Nobody else knows that and actually, you aren’t all that focused on Sam. Sam is Lucifers and you aren’t stupid enough to come between that. But, Dean?

Dean, you were looking forward to getting your hands on. The man has been to hell already and when you caught him and took him back with a bow on…? Oh, you would so enjoy breaking him. Again.

Until that blessed day, you slink around after them. Being subtle in the way you plot and scheme. So, yes, whatever demon is in Nebraska needs to stay away from your side mission that has become your sole focus.

You were project managing this bitch and you weren’t looking to delegate.

Ignoring the powerful thing in Nebraska, the town is wonderfully insane. People scratching their own brains out or that guy who ended up with square eyes from watching TV too long. Even the stuff that isn’t life-threatening is so fun that you have to respect the game.

You had no idea that the thing you could feel was him. The antichrist. You were an idiot.

The demon trying to get him goes in guns blazing, obviously, and the kid destroys him. Absolutely casts him out. Not just out of that meat suit of a mother, out of existence. And you’re watching the whole thing from across the street like a creep. You’re about to go in because you need that kid. Lucifer needs that kid. More than you need Dean. Enough to blow your cover but before you can, he’s gone.

The power disappears from Nebraska like it’s been sucked off the face of the planet. As much as it is a shame you can't say you're upset. Now you get to carry on your game.

The hotel is the sort of place you’d love to burn to the ground. It would look fantastic lit up in yellow and orange.

When you first step foot in the place nothing makes sense. Not the hundred wannabe Winchesters or the fact that there are humans walking around pretending to be demons. You don’t like being confused. You were supposed to be getting somewhere and now it’s like being back at square one.

After your initial shock, you actually want to test this out so you sit there in your pretty new meat suit and flick your eyes onyx. Some idiot next to you has the audacity to lean over and compliment your Ruby costume.

As if you would be caught dead calling yourself Ruby. Your fingers itch to snap his neck for the fun of it and you almost do. You only resist because you picked up your new skin a few days ago and there isn’t anyone that you can see who would be a suitable replacement.

Everyone piles into the conference room for some sort of announcement, eventually, leaving you in the hotel bar to figure things out.

There are books. How did no-one in hell talk about this? Everyone is obsessed with finding those boys and nobody thought to do the research. That’s the problem with demons these days, new evil, it’s all so rushed. Sometimes a lighter touch is required.

You steal copies from a stand while everyone is cheering about something in the other room. This follow the Winchesters crap is making you soft because that act of defiance alone makes your meat suit tingle. You should be concerned about that. Except only doing a light skim of the pages, you have a veritable bullet-pointed list of ways to make Dean Winchester cry. So, you’re still getting somewhere.

Hours later you’re in the car you stole along with this body and you see a word in the books, so innocuous that it shouldn’t stand out to you. Pie.

You remember that nun then, must have been more than a year ago. You remember that sentence you tucked away for a rainy day. Maybe you’re weakened by remembering how good it felt to break a seal that night. Maybe that memory makes you weak for the words she’d said after you felt her jaw crack.

You catch more flies with honey.

Most humans would call it a beautiful Sunday morning. Sweet Lucifer, crap like that made you sick.

It’s the perfect cover though. Nothing bad happens on Sunday mornings.

They’ve been staying in this bumfuck nowhere town outside of Phoenix because they escaped from a mental hospital or something. The ‘or something’ is probably pretty relevant but you don't care, not really, not unless it helps you.

If their guards are down, sure, it’ll help you out, if not, that was fine too. You’ve got the perfect plan anyway.

You watch Dean leave the motel they’re in looking, surly? Doesn’t matter, the fact is he’s alone. His face is explained when he stops in a diner to get coffee. He's tired. You’d been following him on foot till now because it’s easier to keep you distance walking around town, he won’t be in town much longer though.

You’ve been setting this up for days, weeks actually, but in this town; days. The plan has been in motion for a while you'd only been waiting for them to settle down for a few and finally, they did.

The woman behind the counter of the diner is named Glenda. Glenda is the sweetest little old lady this side of creation. Or at least that’s what you’d told her the last time you went in. You’ve been speaking to her every day, laying the foundation, taking the time to become her friend. It would be exhausting if you ever got exhausted.

Glenda has been telling anyone in a 30-mile radius about the pie truck that’s pulled up on the old Applewood farm, run by a ‘sweet young thing’. You run the best traveling bakery in the country, your mama taught you everything you know. You’ve been supplying the diner all week.

And now she’s telling Dean.

“Oh yes,” you can see Glenda nodding enthusiastically through the large windows. “All the pie we’ve had all week came from that truck. Apparently, she has a big setup for today and then she’s moving on.”

Dean’s eyebrows shoot up.

Perfect.

You jump into the car you’re using this week and wait the three minutes it takes for him to come sauntering out like the cat that got the damn cream. This idiot thinks he’s getting pie. Well, there is pie. You couldn’t lure him without having the pie. There’s also a trap is all.

It’s nice to follow Dean out to the farm, it’s nice because you know it’ll be the last time you have to follow his stupid car. After today you were cashing out.

Hayley is standing at the pie stand. You couldn’t be there obviously. Dean wouldn’t want a side of sulfur with his cherry pie. Hayley is a local you hired when you came into town. She’s more than happy to do everything for you, for the amount you’re paying her. You blame this whole 'catching with honey' schtick because you’re actually paying her too. You’d need to kill a whole mess of children after this to get the nice off of you.

Or breaking Dean might get you back to your brilliant, evil self.

He pulls up and his crapmobile bounces on its suspension with the same excitement he jumps out of the car with. Yes, you would enjoy making him pay for the months you’ve spent on this project.

Dean is so pleased as fucking punch to get a pie he doesn’t even notice your car crawling along the dirt path and parking some ways behind him.

The key here is the sign that says Try Our Award Winning Cherry Pie. It is award-winning. The bakery the pie actually came from won a gold star or some shit. You didn’t pay attention to the ins and outs, only that the pie looked perfect. That’s what you need, him to want that pie.

He does. The son of a bitch sees it and he grins. Points at the sign. He’s practically giddy.

Hayley nods to the second table, there’s only one left. You hadn’t planned that part. She must have had some customers already this morning. Glenda and her big mouth.

He takes a step towards it and you get out of your car. Another step and you start walking. A third and you pick up your pace.

He takes that last step, plants one foot in front of the table, and reaches out for the pie. Unlucky for him you’re sprinting to catch up and with a flick of your wrist, the table jumps back. The pie is in his hands so that’s fine, that’s safe, but now there’s a little space in front of him. Everything happens quickly. His second foot tries to catch up with his first except there’s no floor beneath him. The cloth mat the table had been sitting on falls away, supported by nothing.

You can’t help the laugh that comes out of you when he growls, “what the fuck?” before disappearing.

Hayley screams, whether at the table moving or the trap her customer falls into, it’s delightful. Fuck you missed hearing someone scream. Bloodcurdling and scared, it's a whole meal for your ears.

“Run home Hayley. Tell anyone about this and I’ll find you and kill you. ‘Kay?” She nods, tears starting to roll over her cheeks. She runs, as fast as she can, in such a hurry to leave she forgets her bike. If you remember later you’ll kill her anyway because damn is it nice to be back.

You have a Winchester to deal with first though.

The hole is 15 foot. You figured that would be enough to capture the 6-foot ape without him getting away.

You stand at the edge of the hole and look down. You almost laugh at the sight. Dean is standing in the bottom of this pit, the mat beneath his feet and the pie still in his hands. He's scuffed a little but the pie is perfectly intact. Damn, if you had a heart you'd say he deserves the pie.

You don't laugh though. It's time to put on your game face which means hands on your thighs as you lean over and stare down at him all-black eyes and satisfied smiles.

"Hi, Dean. A little birdie told me you like pie and I had the most, delicious, idea. Whatdy'a think?"

He looks equal parts stoic and mad, which is adorable. "Since when did you bitches get into baking?"

"What else are we gonna use all that fire and brimstone for?"

"Alright. What's the big plan then?"

His eyes don't leave yours, his hands still holding the pie as if it will save him. Somehow what you're about to do feels as wicked as painting that church.

You wave your hand and he slams into the dirt wall of his captivity. The pie falls to the floor, top first, his boot lands smashes into it.

"We're going on a road trip. Don't worry you won't need that where you're going."

By 'that' you mean the pie and by 'where' you mean the trunk of your stolen car.

Once this was all over you were going to teach fucking seminars on catching Winchesters. Because nobody does it better. 

5eva tags: @divadinag​ @darthdeziewok​ @fluentinfiction​ @witch-of-letters​ @supernatural-teamfreewill-blog​ @magnitude101999​ @alexwinchester23​​ @jesseswartzwelder​​ Dean babes: @thewinchesterchronicles​​ @akshi8278​​ @erins-culinary-service​​ @bloodydaydreamer​​ @iamabeautifulperson18​​

[azoraahai]

hi hello, it’s your fav chaotic disaster here! since it is nearing the end of the decade/2019 here ( i know some of y’all are already enjoying the new year bc timezones lol ) but i just wanted to take the time and mention a few peeps that really kept me grounded this year. this is not a follow forever bc im lazy as fuck so pls enjoy this mess of me rambling lol!

even if you aren’t tagged, there are special mentions for each group im under so please read if you have the time! please note that each and every single one of you has made 2019 so much better cuz we all know it was hella rough so im very thankful for all of you!

this is hella long so everything will be under the cut :)

oc mutuals ⤵

my one and only :: @daisyjohvson my ride or die, my best friend, my beautiful sister, my other half. there are no words that could articulate how much you mean to me. you are my person and nothing could ever change that. i know we both have been busy this year, but im so glad we always do our best to chat no matter what time it is for us. you are my everything and i adore and love you so fucking much. i hope 2020 will finally be the year we meet after being friends for almost five years. i wish you the best of luck for the start of a new decade babe xx.

satanic bitches 2/3 :: @freakingbradleys @fleetwoodmcs god, it still blows my mind that my two idols talk to me on a daily. amanda, kayla, you guys have brought such a new perspective into my life and i cannot thank either of you enough for it. you guys are so encouraging, thoughtful, amazing, and supportive. i know i can tell you guys anything and you would be super honest with me and i cannot explain how much i appreciate that. thank you both for enduring the mess of 2019 with me.

my chaotic twin :: @emiliachrstine emilia, my love, it has been a pleasure talking with you via tumblr and snapchat facetime. you have brought so much laughter in my day while i was at college and i am 100% sincere when i say i needed those talks sO MUCH! you know some of the challenges i was facing so i just wanted to say thank you for being so fun to talk to and always listening to my endless ranting ( especially the cLASS SIX FELONY bit ). im so thankful we got closer this year and i love you so so so so soooo much bb!

the enabler buddy :: @moirei first of all, i cant believe how much we’ve been talking recently! i’ve always wanted to talk to you more and im highkey upset that it took me this long to reach out to you again, but anyways, as john mulaney would say, tHe PaSt Is ThE pAsT. thank you for letting me ask you sooooo many questions about sw, enabling me with all of these spur of the moment ideas, and for being such a wonderful friend! you are so kind, encouraging, and helpful! thank you so much for everything bb!

long lost sister :: @nellie--crain rachel, honey, you are a light in my life. anytime you message me, i already feel 100000x happier. you are like an older sister to me and i love you to the moon and back! i love all of your ocs and our xovers so much ( especially robeck bc otp ) and i hope we come up with more stuff in the near future! i hope 2020 graces you with so much happiness and joy, my love!!

some of my ride or dies :: @chlobenet @peterparcour @hopemikaelsvns @thetenthdoctorscompanion @drewtanner @princes-jasmine @aaudace @killinbills thank you all for being so amazing, talented, and wonderful! you all have played a significant part in my 2019 and i hope you all know that!! y’all are so awesome seriously xx

the rest of my oc mutuals :: thank you guys for sticking around as my hyperfixations constantly change once i find a new thing lol. i hope to chat with you all some more in 2020 and the years to come! please remember that each and every one of you is talented, creative, and beautiful! i wish you all the best of luck for this upcoming year and know that i love and appreciate every single one of you!!

giffing mutuals ⤵

the other half braincell :: @yelenabelovaa fleur, my darling, what an honor it is to be your wife! we got so close sO FAST and i cant imagine my life without you. you’re the jake to my tom, and if that doesn’t explain how chaotic we are then idk what does. thank you for being there right away when my dog died unexpectedly like i cannot tell you how much i appreciated you on the phone with me until someone irl was there to help me. thank you for always being so selfless, kind, and an incredible friend. i love you so much and let’s hope we get to meet in 2020!!!

goddess of parallels :: @andthwip the fact that you follow me is still absolutely mind blowing! also the fact that you tag me in your gifs is eVEN MORE mind blowing! i’ve admired your work for quite a while and let me just say, your ideas are unmatched!! you have such an eye for detail like no one can do what you do!! thank you so much for being a great mutual and i hope 2020 will be a wonderful start of the decade for you xx

the clown :: @robertpattisons okay dont hate me for putting the clown lol its just your icon and i had to im sorry lmao!! anyways, laiba, hi bb! you are such a talented gif maker and im so glad we became mutuals this year! thank you for being so nice, helpful, and a great friend!! i love you lots and have a great 2020!!!!

chaotic duo :: @colins-farrells sakshi, darling, idk if i ever mentioned this to you but you made me feel so comfortable with my blog. i looked up to you and your amazing chaotic posts and i just wanted to thank you for that! you truly are amazing and ily bunches xx i hope 2020 will be epic for you!!

some of my amazing giffing mutuals :: @lzzieolsn @luke-skywalker @ageofultron @brolinjosh @rosiebetzler @bitony you all are so fucking talented like seriously!!!! thank you all for following my trash can of a blog bc i have admired ALL of you from afar and im still in shock about it!! i hope 2020 blesses you all with happiness, success, and joy!!! i love and adore each and every one of you!!!

the rest of my giffing mutuals :: thank you all for being so fucking nice to me! i only began giffing regularly at the beginning of this year and i made SO many wonderful mutuals ( aka you guys ) because of it! you all have been so helpful and supportive of me and i am so fucking grateful for that!!! 2020 is a new year and the start of a new decade for us!! i wish all of you can enjoy this new beginning!!!

to all of my followers ⤵

hi hello! if you got this far down, congrats!!! i just wanted to say i fucking love you guys so damn much!! no matter what im doing, my current hyperfixation, the ENDLESS amount of shitposting, y’all willingly stick with me and i seriously can’t thank you enough! i know i say that so much, but it’s honestly 100% true! i’ve reached INCREDIBLE milestones because of all of you!! so seriously, thank you! 2020 is a fresh start so let’s make this year fucking amazing!!!

[hellishvu]

— where taehyung is known for being a hard ass but really he has a soft twitter that he shares his thoughts about his crush.

tw: homophobia !! bullying !! not edited due to school !!!

words: 2314

"Follow my new twitter fuckers."

Taehyung posted a normal link, straight to his "brand-new twitter." expect that the link wasn't that. It was his soft twitter about a certain boy, he didn't notice it. Finding himself postig it and then later falling asleep not knowing that what had happened was the biggest mistake and blessing he's ever had.

You clicked through the stories of your friends and mutuals, you had seen that Taehyung posted something on his twitter causing you to grumble, you hated him. He would cause unnecessary fights and when you two fought he would always punk out and leave, you clicked on it seeing his link. You clicked on it to see a bright pink and colorful pastel account, you saw the header.

Taehyung woke up feeling a rush of cold sweat going down his back, Taehyung checked his phone seeing massive amount of nofications seeing his phone vibrate every 2 seconds. Taehyung yawned as slide the lock screen seeing.

Faggot! I knew it!

Across the top of his screen, Taehyung as he found himself laughing meaning it was a harmless joke. The casual insults that are throw at him every couple seconds. The small paranoia of "what if they found out." The small devil that stood on Taehyung's shoulder as he went to school every day.

Taehyung felt himself panic, the amount of times he's dreamed of this nightmare being true, Taehyung scrolled through his messages, unknown callers texting him homophobic comments. Taehyung felt the most panic he's ever felt. The school reputation was everything, in college you would think ruptation shouldn't matter anymore. Expect it does to Taehyung, he cares what others think of him. If he wore something outside of his comfort zone and got made fun of it by his "friends" he would never wear it again. There's a side of his closet where it's left alone collecting dust. The slight insult made Taehyung want to shiver and disappear.

"No this isn't happening this literally is my worst nightmare." Taehyung has muttered under his voice feeling himself gain the anxious feeling he gets preforming. The slight anxiety that triggers when he's standing in front of his entire colleagues singing for a assembly.

The slight problem was that he later found out the rumors of him talking about you in his twitter. Taehyung was on good terms with everyone or at least he tries to, the only person he isn't is you. The sneaky comments he made about you behind your back was made of jealousy that he couldn't have you. The built up anger at himself for letting you slip from his hands was being sent to not himself, but to you. Arguments that sometimes had to be broken up by security and the common yell match that every student has seen at least once.

Taehyung went back to bed, seeing this could just all be some horrific fantasy that some sick twisted dream god put on him. The snoozed on his notifications as once again texts came storming through.

Taehyung woke up, seeing it was his alarm this time waking him up. The slight difference was that his soft twitter or private twitter was getting stormed with hate, the cute soft posts about his day and about his crush was full of homophobic jokes and slurs. Taehyung began to feel that heavy weight on his chest, the burning in his eyes and the consciousness saying to give up its over your secrets out. He didn't want to believe it, he wanted to wait till he was out of college. Out of his self hatred, that he feels when he found someone sweet and kind and handsome and having to either get over it or see them get taken away from someone's else's hands. The title straight was labeled on him and he made sure no one else though otherwise

Taehyung walked to school, the fear of going on the city bus that many of his friends go on. The slight anxiety of thinking of texting his friend for a ride. Walking was fearless and something that could numb the pain of biting his lip.

The music in his earbuds hearing that slight vibrate of the street cars passing by him, Taehyung looked down at his bullet journal seeing the to-dos and the quotes that made him feel a little less afraid. Taehyung took a deep breath as he reached the college seeing his friend Jungkook waiting for him.

"At least he's still there for me." Taehyung smiles at him as he waved seeing Jungkook's nose red from the cold. The snow that was softly squished, Taehyung walked up to him, Jungkook feeling flares and daggers at him and Taehyung.

"How are you?" Jungkook asked as he had black overalls with a fake fur coat keeping him warm but fashionable.

"I've been better. Is it still true what happened?" Taehyung asked eager to hear a "no taehyung you're fine. your secret is perfectly safe." but was quickly snapped out of the fantasy.

"It's.. posted all over the school website. Is it true? Is the tweets about Y-Y/N?" Jungkook asked as he shoved his cold hands into the pockets of his jacket.

"Why does everyone thinks it's him?" It's not fucking him!" The slight aggression of his voice took Jungkook back. The sudden outbursts of anger was common with Taehyung.

"Because Taehyung he's the only person that you hate. I guess it's reversed." Jungkook said as he looked at his clock seeing it was time for class.

Jungkook waved bye as he had left Taehyung alone, the casual group of friends he had grouped up with didn't show up to the regular meeting spot. He would show up, hours go by and no one came by. He would walk to class and see them all together laughing and doing the regular stuff that he was apart of. Taehyung glared at them, feeling the betrayal and the stab of the back. Of course he would later cry about it, regularly he would post about it on his soft twitter getting comforted by his online friends and followers. The safe space got invaded by raccoon that just wanted dirt on him.

Taehyung walked in class seeing you in the corner up on the top rows of the class. Your regular seat as you had been listening to music, you hummed as you unplugged seeing Taehyung standing at the door. You looked down after making eye contact, the pitt fights were over and now it's just awkward so so awkward eye contact. Taehyung sat at his regular seat, away from you at the very least.

"Taehyung, I want you to move next to Y/N. If you two can't be mature like a young adult you two are than I will force you to. Sit next to him please." Taehyung heard his teacher say as he widen his eyes, he literally just sat down at his chair. The weekend was just over and he's faced with the worst news, to sit next to you after you probably read all about how much he loves you.

"Hey." You said as you waved seeing the awkward air between you two. Taehyung smiled as he wrote notes not speaking a word to you the entire class. The ignorance as you tried to talk about the situation. What if I liked him back? You asked yourself as you continued to bring it up somehow but would get shut down by Taehyung.

"If I had one thing to wish upon the stars is that you shut the fuck up." Taehyung said as you were starting to get annoyed the sudden rise of anger that built on Taehyung's face.

"The answer this one single fucking question, is the tweets about me?" You asked as Taehyung gulped, the world fades and you two are like in a drama people watching, the lights dimmed having 2 spotlights on you two.

"..No. It's not about you so get your big ego out of it." Taehyung bluntly said as you nodded clicking your pen going back to notes. Taehyung looked at you, in class during your unrealized beauty that he wants to wake up every morning to. He wants you more, no words can explain how much he wants you so bad. The love and the caring, the only thing getting in the way was his own ego and the fear.

"I'm also not gay." Taehyung commented as you scoffed going back to notes. That ticked off Taehyung a little more than usual. Taehyung grabbed your pencil pouch and threw it, you frowned your eyebrows as you saw all your pencils and pens on the ground.

"What the fuck?!" You glared at Taehyung seeing the cocky smile that masked his regret. The sudden anger that fucked him up all the time.

"That is your account, own up to it like a man." You said as you grabbed your notebook leaving the class a bit more early than usual. Taehyung saw his classmates staring at him, Taehyung quickly grabbed his stuff and also left the class.

Taehyung plugged in his headphones as he sat in the library. He was fucked up, the amount of bad luck that had happened today. His body is shaking and his head was throbbing, he needed to go to bed or forget everything that happened today. His group of friends that he would usually skip with him didn't text him at the usual time. Taehyung leaned against the wall, Taehyung looked up from his phone seeing the skipping group without him. They all shuffled past him quicker than regular.

Taehyung was feeling hopeless. He wanted to drink till he was sick, Taehyung waited till he was alone to let out a sob, but the sobs kept going and going. He needed a good cry but now wasn't the time. Taehyung walked to his car with blurry vision. The anxiety that he felt passing when everyone was going to their next class or job he was put into shame. Taehyung saw you outside doing your regular thing, Taehyung quickly tried to unlock his car but received nothing on the other end. Taehyung saw you get up from your bench and walk to your car which was literally right next to his. Taehyung clicked his lock and finally saw it unlock. Taehyung opened the car door quickly as he saw you gain up to him and drove off.

Taehyung sighed in his car, parked in his dorm. Taehyung sobbed in his car, the music that was being played made him want to sob but that was good right? When was the last time he cried due to societies pressure to be perfect in almost everything and have no emotion besides anger.

Taehyung got out of his car deleting all his social media's. The last post would be him explaining why he left on his soft twitter. Deactivating was hurting and he finally build a support system.

Taehyung checked his messages, seeing the spam of hate calm down to 1-2 messages rather than 16. I guess the homophobia do have lives afterall. Taehyung saw one notifications from a special someone.

Namjoon:

Do you want to talk about it?

Taehyung:

No, i'm not gay for the last time.

Namjoon:

Taehyung, i haven't told you but when we were drunk that one time, you told me you were gay. You cried on my shoulder and explained how you were so afraid.

Taehyung:

I was drunk nothing more nothing less.

Taehyung heard a knock on his door, look though the peel hole to see Jungkook. Taehyung sighed as he opened the door seeing Jungkook and You at his door. Taehyung was going to close the door before you pressed your foot so the door couldn't close. Jungkook cleared his throat trying to separate the awkward silence.

"Taehyung we need to talk."

"If you wanted to talk why did you bring him?"

"Taehyung you cant always be a dick to him-"

"Yes I fucking c-."

"What did I do? Huh Taehyung?" You asked as you walked in his apartment not caring if you had permission or not.

"Go away!" Taehyung yelled as he felt the same sting in his eyes. You walked closer to him, Jungkook being behind you making sure you two didn't fight.

"You can go and hate me all you want." You said as Taehyung sighed his eyebrows frowning.

"All I want is an answer of why you hate me so much?" You pleaded, being tired of this nonstop bickering back and forth.

"It's because I liked you, no! I love you. You made me feel things, you made me want to do things I never tried but always had a passion for. You always were there, when I sang alone in the halls when I had detention you would be there. Always... Always be there and I couldn't help but want to catch up to you, and tell you how good you make me feel. I don't think you notice or even fucking cared." Taehyung hit your chest as he rested his head against your chest. Sobs leaving him, you hesitantly wrapped your arms around him. Holding him tight.

"Who even knows if you're gay? I could be running after a straight person this entire time." Taehyung let out a dry chuckle.

"I am gay and I always wanted to get to know you, but you never let me. You never let me break your guard." You admitted as Taehyung sniffed.

"I was so scared of accepting myself and my feelings.. of loving you."

[cobaincreates]

simple sentence

warnings: f l u f f i want this so bad

count: 3.2k

bless tany for this gif

kinda feeling this song for them, not entirely sure but check it out!

— — —

your heart was racing as you plopped down in your chair and searched for something to drink. you needed to catch your breath as everyone else danced on the floor in the center of the banquet hall. it was getting warmer and warmer so you started to fan yourself with your hand. you sipped the glass of champagne you thanked a waiter for and looked toward the large mass of family enjoying their time. it made the brightest grin spread on your face as you trained your eyes on a particular husband dancing with two little nephews of yours.

joe had taken his suit jacket off and draped it over the chair beside you about two hours ago. he hadn’t stopped dancing yet. you really couldn’t blame him, the wedding playlist was a whole soundtrack of your teenage years. you knew every word to every song that played through the speakers. joe seemed to have new moves for every song too.

your eyes lit up when he caught your gaze and he couldn’t help but grin. he said something to his nephews and they ran off to someone else before joe turned toward you and made his way out of the crowd.

“you know my sister will not be happy when she sees you sitting down,” joe reminded you.

“i just needed a breather,” you said and held out your hand for him to take as he was a couple steps away.

he sat down in his chair and leaned over to give you a sweet peck on the cheek. “you okay?”

“yes, i’m okay.”

your cheeks were starting to ache from smiling so much at him. you always found yourself doing so whenever your eyes were on him, and it wasn’t just the champagne from tonight. even when your eyes weren’t on him and he popped into your head, you’d be grinning endlessly. your chest would feel like it was ready to burst just at the mention of his name.

joe kept your hand in his lap while he picked up his untouched glass of water and took a long sip. dinner was long over, but your stomach growled for something to eat. you hadn’t had much throughout the day before the ceremony and you managed to fill yourself up on the nicely made dinner, but it must not have been enough.

“oh, we’re so going back out there,” joe groaned as a new song played. neither of you could resist it, so you let him pull you up and back toward the floor happily.

the words were already on your tongue as joe took your other hand and moved his shoulders in a shimmy. you both moved to the beat and sang the words to one another, all the while having fun with it. a few of joe’s cousins moved closer to you two and joined in as they jumped around. there was one moment where you grabbed onto joe’s tie to pull him closer, then immediately laughed. he enjoyed it much more than you thought and kept his hands attached to your hips.

you had belted out the lyrics so loudly, you throat felt a bit raw by the time another song came on. joe hugged you around your waist and you felt thankful for a slow song finally. your legs needed another break.

“you look beautiful.”

“you’ve told me a few times tonight already.” you cupped joe’s cheek and leaned toward him for a kiss. you were then interrupted by a tug at your dress and you looked down to find your nephews fighting each other over who got to dance with you. it surprised you that they weren’t tired yet. you moved away from joe and bent down to their height to help them figure it out. “how about we all hold hands so both of you can dance with me?” you suggested and that seemed to be doable to them as they nodded.

joe left you to dance with them and you swayed from side to side while holding their hands. as you watched the little ones below you, you couldn’t help the overwhelming sensation that came over you. a simple thought had passed by in your head and now it was all you could think about. it didn’t make your soft smile falter however, which was a good thing as you thought about it more. you then looked up and searched through the room for joe. you found him sitting at the table, watching you with a look of adoration. his head was against his hand and he looked tired from the night’s activities.

when the song ended, you let the boys run off before you went over to joe. he reached out and stroked the material of your silky dress when you stood in front of him.

“ready to go home?” your stomach flipped as he looked up at you. you hadn’t had nerves around him in years, not since you were teenagers. but you knew that it was because of your small realization. you couldn’t bring it up with him now though, it wasn’t the right time.

joe nodded and you both grabbed your things before saying goodnight to the whole family, and the bride and groom. your nephews were sad to see you both go, but you promised them you’d have them over soon for a movie night.

the air was chilly as you walked outside toward joe’s car parked the furthest away and still heard the celebration going on inside. joe’s arm was wrapped around your waist loosely after he draped his jacket over your shoulders. once you got into the car and he started it with a bit of heat coming on, he turned to you.

“think we can stop somewhere for food?”

“took the words right outta my mouth,” you commented and gave him a nod.

joe wasn’t inebriated in the slightest, having paced himself through the night knowing that he was going to be the one to bring you both home safely. there had been plenty of nights you shared where you switched off on who would be the designated driver and each night was always something new. this one, you both were just hungry and ready to eat the worst possible food imaginable.

joe stopped at a mcdonald’s, pulling up to the drive-thru. there was only only other car for this time of night and you both took a look over the menu as you decided what to get.

“think they have champagne?” you wondered aloud. the taste still lingered on your tongue.

joe turned to you with a laugh and shook his head. “i don’t think so, bub.”

“i bet they’d get a lot more customers if they did.”

he nodded his head with a grin as he moved to car up to order. he asked for a big mac and a medium fry for you both to share, along with a cup of coke. you leaned over the console to order yourself, which was unusual since you normally told joe what you wanted beforehand. first, you asked why they didn’t have champagne, earning an awkward chuckle from the worker behind the bright screen. joe laughed and apologized on your behalf, which you ignored as you said what you wanted to eat.

joe parked the car in an empty spot once you two had gotten a bag full of burgers and fries. you dove straight for the fries, smacking joe’s hand playfully when he tried to reach in for his burger.

“you’re an animal,” he chuckled.

“no, i’m just hungry.”

you both took your respective burgers out of the bag and opened them up in your laps to start eating. joe set the fries on the center console between you and your first bite tasted better than you thought. normally you didn’t eat mcdonald’s, but after all the champagne you had over the last few hours, it tasted like heaven.

“did you have fun tonight?” joe asked as he sipped his drink. you held out your hand for it when he was done and took a quick sip. it was big enough for you to share one and you just liked to share things with him.

“of course. i’m so happy. it was such a nice wedding. she looked so beautiful.” you sighed, remembering how joe’s cousin had walked into the church all decked out in her long flowing dress and her hair and makeup all done for the special day. all day you had spent gushing over how perfect she looked. “god, remember when that was us?”

“i do, yes.”

“i miss that day. that was the best day ever. can we go back?”

“maybe we can just have another one?”

“oh, no. that’d be a nightmare.” you shook your head fast.

“why?” he laughed mid bite.

“do you know how stressed i was? i was freaking out thinking you’d get cold feet or i’d get cold feet. i thought i was going to throw up or fart or something during our vows.” joe cracked up, throwing his head back in laughter. you really were so nervous that day. you had thought so many times of how you wouldn’t blame him if he got cold feet and left you. but you were really glad he didn’t. “i was scared shitless. i don’t want to go through that again. i just want to relive it.”

“that’s kind of the same thing, bub.”

“no, it’s not.”

“it is, but you’re right.”

you giggled at his agreement with you and continued to eat your late night pit stop snacks in silence. you looked over at him a few times and reveled in the moment of how you two were dressed, having just come from a wedding and we’re now in a parking lot of mcdonald’s. you felt like a teenager again, always on some kind of adventure with him.

“love you.” you cooed after a few moments, chewing on the last bit of your burger.

joe smiled and met you halfway to peck your lips quickly. he then brought out his phone from his pocket and turned in his seat as he tapped through the screen. “hold up the bag for me and smile.”

“i have food in my mouth.”

“and yet you’re still talking with a mouth full.” he teased.

“oops, sorry.” you muttered and covered your mouth for a moment as you chewed the rest quickly. “wait, wait!” you shouted when the flash startled you, making joe laugh. “okay, now redo.” you held up the bag and smiled sweetly as you showed it off, joe’s jacket still draped over your shoulders. you closed your eyes since you always hated the flash on the phones since they were so damn bright and nearly blinded you every time.

once the photo was taken, you leaned over the console and put your cheek against joe’s shoulder to watch him type out a quick caption. it always made you smile and freak out a little when he’d post photos of you online— still to this day.

“post wedding snack with this one. she’s pretty upset that mcdonald’s doesn’t serve champagne and i’m pretty upset at how pretty she is,” he wrote and posted the photo.

“aw,” you cooed and shoved a couple fries in your mouth.

once everything was gone and thrown out, joe drove you two home in the quiet. there were hardly any other cars out at this time of night and you were starting to feel tiredness seep in. joe’s thumb was rubbing against yours in your lap and you’d close your eyes every so often as the engine hummed below you. your realization from earlier came to mind and you so badly wanted to say something. before you could, joe was pulling his hand away to find the garage opener.

the house greeted you warmly when you walked inside and you instantly kicked your shoes off, sighing at the sudden relief. you hadn’t really noticed it all through the night, but you could go for a massage.

both you and joe made your way through the house and toward your bedroom so you could change into your pajamas. you hung joe’s jacket back up in the closet and went into the bathroom to wash your face and pull your hair up in a ponytail. you brushed your teeth then walked out to find joe not in the bedroom. you pulled your dress off along with your bra and replaced it with one of joe’s old t-shirts.

joe was in the kitchen drinking a glass of water with just a pair of sweatpants on. you smiled as you walked up behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist, giving his back a kiss.

“lookin’ good, hot stuff.” you commented as you moved around him to get yourself a glass. this was normally what the two of you did before bed, you both downed a glass of water.

“i could say the same about you.” he pulled you against his side with a smirk. “you come here often?”

you laughed and nodded up at him. “i live here actually. with my husband. he should be home any minute.”

“why don’t we ditch this popsicle stand and leave him in the dust? i think you’ll have a fun time with me.”

“oh, really? i don’t know he’s got some killer dance moves that nobody’s ever seen.”

“i promise you mine are better than some foot shuffles and flailing arms.”

“care to enlighten me then? before he gets home, of course.”

“i’d be happy to.” he took your hand into his and pulled you toward the bedroom. you brought your glasses with you and laid over the covers to get ready for the little show. “give me a good one,” joe pointed at you as you scrolled through your phone for a song to play.

you couldn’t resist the giant smile that came onto your face as the song played and joe started moving his hips. your stomach was aching by the time the first minute got through and you were glad you had set the glass down on the bedside table. your eyes were watery when the song finished and joe was done moving around the room and making the most of the space he was given.

“how’d i do?” he breathed heavily, leaning himself against the edge of the mattress.

“very impressive,” you wiped at your eyes. “maybe you can teach that to my husband when he gets home.”

joe grinned and jumped onto the bed to hover over you for a kiss. you cupped his face and placed your lips over his, pecking him a couple times as he made himself comfortable on you. he placed his head over your chest as he calmed down from his dance routine. you softly brushed through his hair as he laid there and you both felt closer to falling asleep. but that little thought came back to you and wouldn’t stop nagging until you spit it out.

“hey you,” you said softly and touched his cheek.

“hey me,” he replied with a quick peck to your palm.

“i have to tell you something.”

the nerves spiked in your stomach as he lifted his head with intrigue written all over his face. you smiled softly at him, watching him closely as he moved and looked all around your face.

“okay. tell away.”

you breathed deeply as he set his chin on the center of your chest. you bit your lips anxiously as he waited for you and you were so close to convincing yourself to just say anything else. but you knew if you didn’t get it out now, you’d regret it. and how could you look into those beautiful eyes and not say what you wanted to? joe always made you feel that you could tell him anything, so why stop now?

you licked your lips and touched his other cheek, stroking the stubble lightly. joe had grown anxious while waiting for you and his eyebrows were now set deeper into his forehead. you finally said to hell with it and pushed it out of yourself.

“i want to have a baby with you.”

the lack of sudden response had you on edge, but you knew it was a big step. of course it was always a thought in your relationship from the moment you made a commitment, but neither of you had spent too much time talking about it. you knew joe wanted kids someday and you always saw that during every moment he spent with his nephews. tonight it was different when you watched them while you were dancing. that desire washed over you so quickly and set so deeply into your bones. even just the thought had you choking up from excitement. so many thoughts and images ran through your head of a little family you’d make with your husband. you were finally ready for that.

“are you serious?” joe asked slowly and sat up on the other side of the bed. you weren’t sure if he was excited or scared shitless.

you nodded with a laugh and sat up too. the excitement closed your throat up again. he’d be a beautiful father. “i think we’ve put it off long enough, don’t you? we’ve been together, what? five years now?”

joe watched you closely as you spoke, shocked and not knowing what the hell to say. it was obvious he had been waiting for this moment forever and now that it was here, he didn’t know how to react.

“you’d be the best dad in the whole world.” his throat tightened at the comment and you put your hand over his when you saw the little twitch in his face. “i can see it when you’re with your nephews and how much you focus on them and what they need and you’re always trying to please them while also being the fun uncle. you have so much love in there, joe, it’s crazy,” you laughed and put a hand over his chest.

you waited a moment to see if he had anything to say and when he didn’t, you went on. “frankly, it freaks me out sometimes,” you admitted. “how is it possible to have so much?”

joe’s eyes had glossed over now and your heart sunk at the sight. he wasn’t somber and you weren’t making him upset. his chest was just filling with that same kind of love.

“i can see it whenever you look at me and i want our tiny little human to feel that too. i want to have a baby with you, joseph.”

joe broke his frozen position and kissed you deeply, holding the back of your head. you couldn’t help but grin against him, your hand moving from his chest to cup his cheek.

“you’re amazing, you know that?”

“i love you so much.”

he pulled you back in and this time kissed you passionately, breathing deeply. his throat was starting to relax now as the excitement set in even though he still couldn’t believe everything you said. he never thought he’d cry over the fact of you saying those words to him, but here he was having shed a few tears.

“when can we start?” he pulled away for a moment, his breath hot on your face.

“right now,” you grinned.

[danielxrk]

     ✞ ED SHEERAN (+ ORIGINAL RAP) *   ANTISOCIAL       ( you know that i'll be back, terminator of the 8-track )

he tells woojin first.

 his hands shake when he texts him and he's afraid, even though he knows woojin won't be mad about this (he won't, will he? why would he be mad?)

 he knows woojin won't be mad about this. he talked to woojin-- finally told him some of what plagued his mind ever since he and kenta received their contracts on that stage in front of a live audience, and ever since daniel bawled his eyes out in front of a live audience. he told him how bad he felt for leaving him and kenta alone after getting them into the mgas in the first place, how he wished he could've been better so he could've joined them. ironically, woojin essentially told daniel his own motto: nothing was guaranteed, even if they did win. still, daniel vowed to work hard to follow he and kenta into their new world, and after some hesitance and skepticism, woojin told him to do it.

 so he has been, with woojin's permission, and now he has an audition to make it into the company he might've had their team won-- had all of them gotten contracts like trc's team did when they won (aside from minho, of course.)

 he finally wants it. he wants it so badly that he's even been working on his dancing, just a little. he is so tired of his life as it is. he doesn't want to make coffee and study economics every day, bass guitar and lyrics in the memo app on his phone the only thing to save him. even with practicing his dancing, however, he wondered how much of himself he needed to sacrifice for a company to want him, and if it would be worth it. he wondered if they would scoff at his guitar like the public did, and force him into a group that dances like they did on the mgas. he wondered if there was any chance at all that a company might want him for what he will always want in the end: a band.

 he came to terms with the fact that the answer to his last question would always be no; he decided it was worth it anyway. he could be anyone they wanted him to be, as he said in his very first interview for the mgas, before he discovered who he really was as a musician (as a person) over the course of the show, even if they didn't want him to. he had to be anyone they wanted him to be, and he could do it if it meant being with kenta and woojin again. (he tried not to think about how that essentially meant leaving minhyun and sungwoon behind. he tried not to think about the fact that they didn't want to become trainees, and that regardless of his dreams, they would never reunite on a stage again. he tried not to still have hope.)

 and then comes the empty enigma halloween cover, uploaded to daniel's youtube channel what he thought was under the radar in case kenta and woojin got in trouble for performing with the rest of the band in any way. then comes the call. then comes the we saw the recent video cover you posted on youtube and think you may fit the profile we’re looking for. then comes the audition.

 he scheduled the audition, all ecstatic and giddy. all he did in their cover was play bass and harmonize, as he always did in empty enigma. sphere wanted him because of something he did with empty enigma. maybe sphere wanted him for who he actually was, if that was what made them think he fit what they were looking for.

 but then comes you knew who i was on the mgas. why did you try to erase empty enigma and then do this? why did you make me think none of you could ever want me unless i was someone different?

 he tells woojin first. he tells jinwook second.

 truthfully, the potential of working on songs with jinwook is a dream. just being able to see him regularly feels something like a blessing, or it would be, since he hasn't succeeded yet. he feels lucky enough that he has the number of a convex member, let alone jinwook's, and that he actually wants to talk to him, but texting him isn't the same as talking to him in person, and the reliable and comforting presence he provided during the turbulence of the mgas.

 woojin and jinwook are more than enough reason to want to join a company, as is what he knows of sphere's schedule from his coaches. he was always torn between sphere and nova, and for as grateful he is, there's a little disappointment, too. maybe there will always be a part of him that wants to prove himself to hyun bin. maybe there will always be a part of him that wants to join kenta and haknyeon, his two very best friends, in their company.

 he tries not to think about it, and instead, focuses on preparing for his sphere audition-- but first, he has to tell kenta, sungwoon and minhyun.

 his feet trace the familiar way from his apartment to theirs around the time that kenta and woojin's schedules end, more because he wants to wish woojin a happy birthday in person and maybe give him an awkward hug than to share the news about his audition. he told woojin he wouldn't tell the others until tomorrow. daniel's ability to act and lie went significantly downhill now that he doesn't need to hide everything about himself, and woojin-- who didn't even really bother to lie about empty enigma in the first place --is even worse. naturally, they catch on to something being out of the ordinary, and it's minhyun that asks: "what's wrong?"

 "nothing!" daniel chirps, and he grins, but minhyun doesn't buy it, of course. "nothing is wrong," and his smile stays in place, this time sincere. he looks over at woojin, as if for approval, and woojin just stares back at him, offering no help whatsoever, so daniel inhales deeply before he says, words tumbling out quickly, one after another, "sphere gave me an audition because of the teeth cover."

 they're happy for him, kenta especially, but they all share his sentiments: why now? sungwoon seems the angriest on his behalf, even though he tries to hide it, and daniel isn't so stupid to think that's all there is to it. for now, he doesn't mention it. they all encourage him to go, no matter how they may really feel, and daniel smiles. suddenly, tears come to his eyes when he does, entirely out of the blue, entirely unexplained.

 maybe it's because if he makes it, it'll be the end of another chapter. maybe it's because he's afraid minhyun and sungwoon feel the same way daniel felt standing as the only empty enigma member on that finale stage without a contract. maybe's it's because it's only in this moment that he realizes he doesn't know why sphere picked him and not them. it's like they're back to daniel and his band, even as the frontman carrying their vocals, and minhyun with his voice good enough to be a lead singer himself. (maybe it's because a company wanting him again after a year just means that much.)

 he gets started on selecting a song right away, knowing how long it took him to settle on one for his nova audition this time last year, and how much he ended up regretting the one he selected for the next year. he knows he has to choose wisely, and there are several options he comes up with quickly.

 the easiest-- and perhaps wisest --route is to choose something already uploaded to his youtube channel or soundcloud. it would be something he already practiced, and he could pick the one he received the best feedback on, hoping whoever judged his audition would feel the same way. but is daniel one to take the easiest route? likely not.

 there is a certain song: one he intended to perform at the green ribbon festival before he and songhee decided to do a collaboration for it instead. it's a song he held back thus far, not posting anywhere because he felt self-conscious of it. it isn't because he thinks it's bad, but because the lyrical content and meaning behind it embarrasses him. it's the first song he wrote that's akin to a love song. he wrote it while sungwoon was in japan following the mgas; he played the guitar part for kenta, and minhyun likely heard enough of it when daniel hung out at their apartment, working on it, just so minhyun wouldn't be alone. in the end, he is proud of it, and it might be time for it to finally reach the ears of a real audience. maybe.

 another that might be appropriate: youngblood by five seconds of summer. it's the song daniel almost performed a year ago for his nova audition, practiced alongside the way i am by charlie puth until daniel eventually decided on the latter. it seems fitting now, after getting noticed for performing another five seconds of summer song, and maybe this way, he can put one what if to rest. maybe.

 those are the safe options-- the logical, rational options. of course, daniel still seeks out more. he could sing a worship song and throw it back to his first ever audition, and give god some more glory like he said he would in his prayer before the finale of the mgas. there are a few of those he's been wanting to cover (and one he already has.)

 he's been wanting to cover some of ed sheeran's collaboration album too, wanting to round up some mga friends to join him in the songs, but he hasn't gotten around to it between midterms and mild to moderate social anxiety. he could turn one of those into a solo song and maybe show off some of the range to his talents.

 god, he doesn't even really know if he wants to sing or rap yet.

 what matters most is what he wants to convey through this audition. who does he want to be?

 on sunday, follow church service, he prays, and he asks god that question and more.

 hi god. the past few days have been kind of crazy. thank you for the audition, first of all, even if i'm still confused about it, and what you really want for me. i guess that's not really mine to know, is it? i guess i'll find out.

 i think that's all i want to pray about today. you know i have a ton else going on that i need your help on, but i want to make sure i really focus on this and make sure i’m with you on it since it’s so important. this could really change my entire life.

 there’s a part of me that’s still scared. i don’t think i really like change at all, even when it’s good for me, and there’s been so much in the past year. it’s kind of crazy to think about. most of it has been good, and i’ve liked it, but…i don’t know about empty enigma breaking up. that might be a change that i never understand. i think kenta is happy as a trainee, but i don’t know if woojin is, and i don’t know what you’re doing with all of that sadness. i think i prayed, before the mga finale, like the only two options were me becoming a trainee and empty enigma breaking up or none of us getting contracts so we could all go back to the band. i think, even though i didn’t want to accept it, that i might understand why you did it. i think you still wanted me to be able to write and perform my own music, but didn’t want me to be cameo anymore. cameo wasn’t really the personification of jesus that i’m supposed to be, was he? i still don’t know if i’m doing such a good job of that as daniel. i understand why you did it, but i still don’t like it yet, so i guess i pray that…you would get me there.

 this audition might be a way of doing that, i think. it kind of feels like it, but you know…nothing is guaranteed. i think i keep saying that because i need to believe it more than anyone. i’m too optimistic and always get my hopes up, but at the same time, i always doubt and am always anxious about everything. how can i be both of those things at once? how can i feel like i might be good enough to get a contract this time, and be afraid everything will be ruined at the same time?

 i think i got off topic. honestly, i don’t really know what to ask anymore, after all of this. i think just for help. there’s a lot i don’t understand about why you’ve given me this now, and why you did in the way you did. if i thought it was cruel for sphere to give me an audition because of an empty enigma cover after breaking us as a band, then i must think you’re cruel for giving it to me too. i’m grateful, but…i’m also confused. it’s a little painful, too, but it’s nice to know baek jiyoung wanted me, and it’s nice that it’s sphere. i’ll trust you on why it’s sphere and not nova, and believe that if i get in, that’s just where you want me to be.

 if i don’t get in, it’ll mean you want me somewhere else, right? that’s easy enough now, but i think if i fail again i’ll be really upset, so i’ll pray that you make me okay with whatever result i get, and that i accept whatever your will is for me in this.

 i do pray that your will would be to let me get a contract from this…i think. i always feel stupid praying and asking to change your will, but that can happen, right? maybe? i know you’re supposed to listen to us, but…okay, right, i won’t get into that. focus.

 i really want to become a trainee for kenta and woojin, especially after i told woojin i would do my best to. at the same time, there’s part of me that doesn’t want to, because i’ll miss my friends. it’s not just sungwoon and minhyun i’d be leaving behind, but songhee and jungmo too, and all of the friends i made on the mgas that didn’t get signed, and everyone in between. then again, that seems kind of dramatic. it’s not like i’m moving to another country or anything, i’m just going to get really busy if i become a trainee. i’ll get off at a regular time for a job on the weekends, and i’ll still be able to hang out with everyone, even if it’s not as much. now that i’ve thought about it like that, i think it’s okay to want this. i think i want to become a trainee for me too.

 so yeah, i pray that i would, and that if you don’t want me to be now, or i’m still not ready, that…i would fail, i guess? i know whatever happens will be for the best in the end, even if it really sucks, so i’ll just trust that in the end.

 yeah, with all of that out the way, please help me prepare for this audition. i don’t really know what to perform and since i actually care about the result of this, i’m nervous. i want to pick the right song, both to show off my abilities so they like me, and to represent who i really am, and to be something i like. please help me do all of that, and i also pray that i would do well, and that this wouldn’t haunt me like my nova audition did, no matter what happens.

 i think that’s it? yeah, thank you for listening. i pray all of this in jesus’s name. amen.

 he waffles on song choices a while more, but finally settles on one on monday, which is much later than he wanted, but it’s fine! in the end, he chooses antisocial by ed sheeran. he wanted to show off an original song, and then he wanted to show off his rapping, and then—

 he decides he’ll write another original rap for the second verse where travis scott originally rap-sings (what do you classify that as, anyway?) this time, he does it in english, and it comes just as quickly as it did during the skill round of the mgas when he did the same. it was his favorite round of the mgas across the whole show. this is the way to show off his singing, his rapping, and his creativity. hopefully, it’ll show how his confidence has grown, too, since the song has a little spunk. he won’t be apologizing to the judges before he begins this time.

 as the days pass, and the audition comes nearer and nearer, he gets the slightest hint of cold feet. he keeps thinking about how much this feels like choosing, kenta and woojin vs sungwoon and minhyun, and the fact that he’s choosing the side he is makes him feel sick. he already owes sungwoon so much better than he’s given him until now. he owes sungwoon better than not even being able to call him his boyfriend, and still getting flustered when anyone calls what are obviously dates by that name. he definitely owes him better than taking away from their relationship, and how desperately he wants to figure it out.

 “if i get in, i’ll still come over every weekend,” he says, holding both of sungwoon’s hands in his own as they sit on the sofa—the sofa where daniel told him he loved him the first time and sungwoon didn’t get it, very important to note –and daniel kisses him. when he pulls away, he smiles. “i’ll come see you even when i’m tired.”

 in the end, it doesn’t come down to kenta or woojin, or sungwoon or minhyun, but to daniel, and what he needs. for the first time in his life, he stops sacrificing himself for everyone else.

 he steps into the audition room with a smile on his face, and immediately starts to tune his trusty guitar. he introduces himself easily, and they soon tell him to begin, so he does. (now, he’s only a little nervous.)

 Friday night and I'm ridin' solo When I touch down, keep it on the low-low I don't mess with your energy No photos So antisocial, but I don't care You’re lucky I’m not gonna smoke here Got a bottle in my hand, bring more though Got my hat low, don't talk to me

 he gets a little in touch with his cameo roots. despite his hair still being a certain (different) shade of silver, he hasn’t in a while. it’s confidence an old daniel never had, and that the current daniel only has because he realized he was cameo too, and that as much as he wanted cameo, he didn’t really need him anymore. god wouldn’t have taken away cameo’s medium if he did. cameo and past daniel were two very different people, but none of them were really daniel. it was the daniel made in the image of his parents, and the daniel that needed to rebel against that. now, he’s a very different person, too: a combination of both with a little something extra.

 really, that’s what this song is about for daniel.

 he changes the original line don’t give a damn i’m gonna smoke here so he doesn’t swear, if that matters, and so those judging him don’t worry that he smokes. he didn’t change any of the lines about drinking, though…hmm…it’s okay, he changed the entire second verse, which was worse.

 his guitar arrangement shifts, a little softer, but more difficult too, a build up as he sings:

 I've been down, give me some space You don't know what's in my brain Music loud, easin' my pain

this is pure daniel, cameo shelved, even though cameo was the medium in which music eased daniel’s pain. that’s what empty enigma was for daniel in the year and a half he was part of the band, but these lines are true for him now, too. he’s been down since the end of the mgas, but he’s put every free second and all of his heart into music since. he’s written and arranged so many songs, he’s sweat in dance studios, he’s worked on new instruments all for this.

 his guitar builds up, then explodes into the chorus, and daniel smiles as he sings it and strums. maybe he should be playing a tougher character, but he doesn’t really want to. he’s sure sphere will make him who they want to be once he’s in their company. before then, he wants them to want him for who he really is.

 Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me I came to vibe, yeah On something, on something, on something I wanna riot Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me I came to vibe, yeah Won't let nothing come in between me and the night

 it’s still confident, and a promise that he’s a different daniel than he was during the mgas. truthfully, maybe he wasn’t ready back then. the daniel of the mgas didn’t know what he wanted, and even though he put everything he had into his performances, it was just to perform—without any end goal in mind. he didn’t really want a contract then. he only started that journey to garner attention for his band and show off the talents of his bandmates, so maybe it was only fitting that the mgas tore the band apart as they did. band’s talents: shown off, karma: delivered. now, he gets to show off his own talents again, this time, as a daniel that knows exactly what he wants.

 that’s how he can sing the chorus with the feeling that he can. it’s not fake fake confidence, at least not right now. he came here to perform and show what he can do—to enjoy himself, and to prove himself. if they don’t want him here, he won’t give up. by offering him an audition, they already proved to him he had reason to hope in this.

 the next talent he gets to show comes up, and it’s his original rap. he still plays his guitar as he begins (which is pretty hard, mind you. he spent the most time this week making sure he could do both simultaneously.)

 if you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all

my mama used to tell me; just stayed quiet by default

 it’s true. he’s surprised it took him as little time as it did to start speaking his own mind. at the same time, he’s still trying to tell his own thoughts apart from hers. he’s still trying to develop his own opinions, and his own habits, and to embrace that she wasn’t always right—that he didn’t have to be who she wanted him to be, or the person he thought might make her happy. it didn’t stop him from trying. he knows now that he could never be that; she would never truly be happy with anyone. she would keep poking and prodding and criticizing no matter what he did.

 he still loves her. he just can’t live for anymore, and that’s exactly what he used to do. she tried to raise him in the lord—to bring him up according to only the oppressive, rigid teachings of the bible –and yet he only knows now that the only person he can safely live for, and the only one that he should live for, is jesus. he’s learned so much more with a little distance.

 he sings now, a reference to the beginning of the song, even if it’s not in the original:

 so antisocial and i'm not prepared

with a personality that's not theirs

 to his dad’s credit, he’s been better now that daniel is no longer under the reign of his mother. his dad actually helped him get furniture for his apartment, likely without his mother’s knowledge. given that daniel’s grandmother is his favorite member of the family (well, maybe tied with mina), and she’s the other of his father, it makes sense.

 even if he doesn’t mind having part of his mother’s personality, the fact that he still doesn’t know exactly who he is is true. he goes back to rapping.

 i'm trying to be honest for the first time in my life

so i see the finale every time i close my eyes

 he spent so much of his life concealing and deceiving. he would never admit to doing anything wrong to his mother, only telling the truth when he thought she might expose his lie. he remembers lying about what he did with his friends, even at an early age—studying, he would say, despite them actually playing video games.

 his grandest lie, however, was empty enigma. keeping the band a secret was his grandest lie, going so far as to concoct a twin brother as an excuse for why empty enigma’s bassist resembled him so much when anyone asked.

 in a way, his personality for most of his life was a lie, too. since getting out of his mother’s clutches, he’s been trying to be more sincere, so it’s only fair that he is here too, and he confesses how much the finale has haunted him to the very people he represented during it. he wonders if they’re disappointed, even now, that sphere’s team finished fourth instead of finishing first. even now, with this new opportunity, daniel thinks he still is.

 he’s here, however, and he does have this new opportunity. it’s kicked up his determination anew, so that’s not the note he ends the rap on. he smiles again, a little cheeky.

  and if you cut me now because you think that i still lack

you know that i'll be back, terminator of the 8-track

 he hopes they don’t cut him again, but it’s a resolve to both them and himself that he won’t give up. he’ll be back knocking on sphere’s door, eager for retribution, just like he wants to at nova’s for turning him down a year ago. (it’s also a fun reference to the terminator movies, and his strength, and yes, to mark’s rap in jopping.)

  his guitar built up once again, to the repeat of the chorus, and the final part of his audition song.

 Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me I came to vibe, yeah On something, on something, on something I wanna riot Don't touch me, don't touch me, don't touch me I came to vibe, yeah Won't let nothing come in between me and the night

 he smiles again after he ends, and does his best to bow to the panel even with a guitar slung across his shoulders. “thank you!”

 nothing is guaranteed. he knows that, and he likes to think no matter what happens, he’ll be okay. nothing is guaranteed, but more than that, he wants to think he’s finally done enough.

[sapphireblueevanesce]

KTMF Recap!!

Just completed a great weekend in Los Angeles, where I attended both the Epik High show and the Korea Times Music Festival! Below is a summary of the two events and some thoughts.

First, Epik High are such legends and I really had been eyeing their tour dates for awhile now trying to decide if/when to see them. Luckily, in the end, I decided to go. It was really great and they played so many great older songs of theirs. I highly recommend seeing them if you get the chance. They were so fun to watch!

Next, for KTMF, I was there to see SuJu, of course, and also, Taemin. I was also very much looking forward to seeing Kim Yongchul, who was one of the emcees. He was hysterical, definitely a good choice to emcee the event!

I saw a few people on Twitter either lamenting that seeing Super Junior only as part of a larger festival where they'd only do a few songs didn't seem worth it, or feeling really unsure about whether it would be worth it or not. It's true, it's not a Super Show, but SJ never phones in a performance, either. Even during KCON NY last year, everyone was talking about how they tore it up. Additionally, as veterans of kpop, they usually get more songs than some if the more junior groups. My recommendation is, if you can logistically and financially manage to go, and there is at least one other act you're really interested in seeing, it is worth it to see SJ in a festival setting. Of course, it depends on your individual situation.

Another thing I wanted to bring up is the camaraderie. All fandoms have their toxic moments, kpop for SURE does, but for the most part, festivals like these put people in a really jovial mood, and people tend to hype each other up. Case in point, Shawol saw my SJ shirt and were like, "Do you want a Taemin banner? Also, all the other ELF are over there!" I even met one of my lovely readers there! What's up, Rachel! 💙

But back to the show. I was seated in the Pool Circle section, which is the very front section. My seat was 5 rows from the stage. A Lovelyz fan boy came over to talk to me and advised me that people in the Pool always moved closer to the stage when their favorite act was performing, and it was a pretty casual setup where you didn't have to stay in your seat. In addition, he pointed to this ledge a couple of rows behind me and said that the performers would walk on this ledge and that it was a part of the extended stage! This was exciting news, but I tried to manage my expectations and not get my hopes up.

This is another thing to put on the Pros list if you're trying to decide whether you should attend KTMF next year. As I found out, since it wasn't a Super Show and you weren't competing with an entire stadium full of ELF, people from other fandoms respectfully hang back so the true fans can get as close to the stage as possible.

Someone had spotted the lineup and set list prominently displayed on one of the official video cameras and people were sharing pics of it so that we knew in which order the performers were going on stage. Everyone shared this information with each other, so all of us in the pool knew SJ was going to close the second half, and we knew their setlist.

I befriended two awesome ELF, one who was Hyukjae biased and one who was Wookie biased. We strategized before the show started and decided that we'd be up by the stage for the first couple of songs and then run to the back extended stage/ledge for the last couple of songs.

Halfway through the set of the group who performed before SJ, my two new ELF friends and I stood up, light sticks in hand, in preparation. A few other ELF leapt up and joined us. Then, I spotted Shindong waiting in the wings. There's Shindong! I said, and everyone standing turned to look, then we all booked it to the barrier between us and the stage to wait.

The view from that close was phenomenal!! I was soooo happy to finally see Ryeowook up close (Wookie, anneyong!)! He's gorgeous, they all are. Donghae was killing me softly with his outfit, props to the stylist who put him in that. I feel #blessed to have seen Hyukjae in a sheer shirt and therefore his nipples in person (sorry not sorry). 🙏 These are my co-biases, folks!

During the ments, I put my camera down and noticed that they were trying to make eye contact with each of us ELF in front. I felt self-conscious but also so grateful. I already have done Hi-Touch with them, but it was not any easier being in their presence and in their gazes again.

When I heard the beginning of Miracle, I knew they were going to start running around, so I started running too! My ELF friends from before were tearing up and down with me, apologies to anyone we scrambled past trying to get to them! 😂🤦🏾‍♀️ At one point, Donghae was on the ledge with his back to me and his butt was right in my face, basically (this is not a complaint). I noticed him running towards a group of people on one end of the front stage (he is so fast, y'all!), and he was starting to bend down to high five them and shake hands. I went running to him, and got there just as it looked like he was about to straighten back up and go back to the middle of the stage. But I called out, Donghae! And he looked at me, smiled in recognition (from like 3 minutes ago when he was trying to make eye contact with us) and gripped my hand soooo firmly! It was so warm and smooth in his leather glove!

You guys. DONGHAE GRABBED MY HAND! AGAIN!!

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I know from prior experience that they all have super soft hands!

After they went off stage, it was a 30 min break before the second half. I looked over at my ELF friends, and we all grabbed each other and started jumping up and down screaming, omg! omg! The Hyukjae biased one had had her hand grabbed by Hyukjae. The Ryeowook biased one had had her hand grabbed by Ryeowook, and she was crying. Honestly, it was just so much! I can't express it.

💙💙💙💙💙💙

"Oh my God, we still have TAEMIN to see after this?!?!" said the Hyuk biased ELF. We weren't sure how we were going to make it through that performance on top of everything else, we were going to need SEVERAL moments.

This post is already too long, so I will just say, I was still very close to Taemin, but stuck near one side of the stage so that other Shawol could be front and center. I finally got to use my Shinee lightstick!! Taemin's dancing is UNBELIEVABLE. Like. Damn. That little Squishface can move! My fan cams for him are a total mess because I just kept watching him with my actual eyes, instead of through my camera, so there are key moments where you can't even see him because I didn't aim the camera properly. 😂

Thanks for reading if you made it this far, let's all see them at SS8!!

Gif from one of my fan cams!

Talented squishface!